Patty O'Green

Yes I was. But then I thought about all the times you promised to do something for me and never did it or did it weeks after I asked and thought to myself "Maybe I should make him wait"

Says the guy who never posts any.

Good show. That's all.

Someone else will have to post the show this week. I'll be gone.

Sure thing!

(RETURN) COLE Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen, next we are scheduled to see… Michael Cole is interrupted by any unfamiliar tune. The sounds of bass chords being struck and drums pounded on paves the way for a wailing guitar riff, which sets off a wall of sparkling golden pyro once it hits. COACH This wasn’t on my program Coach… Zack Malibu appears from behind the curtain, and begins to walk down to ringside, Candie following slowly behind him, as his new theme song booms over the PA. Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness and I'm addicted to your punishment and you're the master and I am waiting for disaster I feel irrational So confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder it isn't possible to ever tell the truth but the reality is I'm getting away with murder (Getting away, Getting away, Getting away) COLE That’s right everyone, no belt over Zack’s shoulder, and he got just what he deserved! Zack steps between the ring ropes as Papa Roach's "Getting Away With Murder" continues to play. He grabs a microphone from ringside and makes a cutthroat motion, signaling for his music to be turned off. ZACK Stop the music...I SAID STOP THE MUSIC! CUT THE DAMN SONG ALREADY! A deafening roar goes up as Zack begins to show signs of agitation. COACH I bet he’s still smarting from his title loss to my baby girl! Zack brings the microphone to his lips, but before he can even utter a word, a huge ‘YOU SURR-EN-DERED' chant fills the arena, mortifying the former OAOAST Champion. COLE The fans telling the truth yet again, even if Zack doesn’t want to admit it! ZACK You think that's funny? I heard you saying it before. You think that's funny? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET TO ME THAT WAY! WELL YOU'RE NOT! I WON'T LET YOU MOCK ME ANYMORE! Another roar goes up as Zack begins to show his anger. ZACK You're all so happy, aren't you? Happy, and at whose expense? MY EXPENSE! IT WAS ME BLEEDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT RING, LOCKED IN THAT CAGE! IT WAS ME WHO WAS PULLED FROM FIFTEEN FEET IN THE AIR, DOWN TO THE CANVAS! I NEARLY DIED, AND YOU APPLAUD THAT!? YOU APPLAUD THAT...THAT...CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M TAKING MY BELT BACK! GIVE ME MY WORLD TITLE BACK TONIGHT! COLE Zack is calling the World Champion out! Suddenly, the lights go out! CABOOSE What the hell? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!~!~!~! OW-A-A-A-A!! CUE: ‘Down with the Sickness’ by Disturbed Zack stands surprised at the pyro blast and even more surprised at the music, and suddenly curses as Axel appears at the top of the entrance ramp! COLE It’s Axel! Axel plays to the crowd at the top of the ramp for a while, striking the crucifix pose, and then pointing to a nice gold belt around his waist. COACH Axel completed a tour of Japan, wrestling under the moniker Kuro Mikoto, which is Japanese for ‘Dark Prince’. Axel worked for HIYAH last week, culminating in Axel winning the HIYAH World Championship from Japanese legend the Great Muta! He has been on fire as of late, but what is Axel doing out here now? Axel then proceeds to walk down the ramp, shifting his focus from the crowd to the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Axel walks up the steel steps as ‘Down with the Sickness continues to blare over the house speakers, and steps into the ring, all the time staring at Zack. COLE Zack must be as confused as everyone else here. He called out Crystal, but he gets Axel! Axel walks over to the other side of the ring and gets handed a microphone, before walking back to face Zack in the middle of the ring. AXEL Hello, Zackary. Zack continues to frown, looking at Axel and asking ‘What the fuck do you want?’ AXEL What do I want? Well for starters, I want to stop you from ever going near Crystal again. A small pop from the crowd, as Zack suddenly starts to smirk. ZACK What do you think you're doing out here? You're cutting ME OFF? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? AXEL Sure. Aren't you the former World Champion? The crowd roars, as Zack's eyes widen with rage, focused on a smirking Axel. ZACK YOU! GET OUT OF THIS RING! THIS IS MY RING! THIS IS MY COMPANY! SHOW ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE! AXEL Ah Zack. Always trying to own people, get one up on everyone. Well, I can see right though that, and so can everyone in this arena. You lost your cool against Crystal; you became a paranoid shell of your former self. If you remember so much about what I said a few weeks ago, then you shouldn’t be surprised that I am out here now. I told you, I warned you, once your issue with Crystal is over – and it is – then I would be there, I would get my revenge. So here I am, and I’m not asking you, I’m telling you, that I want you in the ring. ZACK EXCUSE me? You want ME? You think you're bigger than me? NO ONE is bigger than ZACK MALIBU! What on God's green earth makes you think that I won't just whip your ass back to the boomerang continent? AXEL Because you never have Zackary, you never have. Axel develops a half smile on his face as Zack’s smirk is replaced by a look of disgust. ZACK You want to upstage me, huh? You want to try and attack me while I'm weak, kick me when I'm down. You want to cut me off, come out here and verbally assault ME, a man of my stature? You want to make grandstand challenges...then you've just signed a death warrant. You and I, Axel, can get this going right now. The crowd pops at Zack’s revelation, but Axel begins to shake his head. AXEL Oh Zack, Zack, Zack, I’m not that stupid. You challenge me tonight, I accept, and you will get you’re little Thrillogy buddies to interfere in the contest. So no, not one on one, and not tonight. How about this. Zackary: Two weeks from tonight. HeldDown, live from Telstra Dome in Melbourne, in my home country of Australia. Fifty-Seven Thousand people. Axel versus Zack Malibu. The Main Event. A Dream Tag Team Partner match. COLE A Dream Tag Partner match? Imagine the possibilities! COACH And we’re going to Australia! Zack steps back and Candie whispers something in his ear. He then begins to smile again, and brings the microphone to his lips. ZACK Dream Partner? Hell, you've got to be dreaming if you think you're going to scare me with the mystery man routine. You've burned your bridges, Axel. There isn't a god damn soul in this company who would want to risk their careers just to team with you on some childish vengeance spree. Axel continues to smile, and pulls something out of his pocket. AXEL Well here’s some news for you Zack: my partner isn’t on the active roster...but you know of him all too well. So you'll be in familiar territory, Zack. Just kick back and relax, take a load off. Have a smoke. Axel throws Zack a pack of smokes as “Down with the Sickness” begins to play again. Axel rolls out of the ring and stares at Zack, a smile present on his face. Zack looks down at the smokes and then at Axel, a confused look on his face, almost a worried look as well. COLE Axel got exactly what he came for! A Dream Tag Team Partner Match two weeks from tonight, Axel versus Zack Malibu! And you’re right Coach; the OAOAST is coming to Australia, on September the 16th! What a night that could be for Axel! But who will his partner be? Could it be the ‘friend’ that he was talking about a number of weeks ago? COACH I have no idea Cole, but whoever it is, he isn’t on the active roster, and he has a past with Zack Malibu! Axel also threw Zack a pack of smokes, which is going to piss off those Truth people who sponsor us. COLE What an announcement, what else could happen tonight? COACH Nothing. The show is over and Caboose even left early. Bye. (FADE OUT)

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! “I Like” plays and we see the opening video. Then we’re taken to the LOGO Massive orange fireworks light up the arena in a pyro blaze! The camera travels around the venue at a dizzying pace, not even giving us a chance to read some of the more creatively designed signs. We’re taken to Sofa Central where Coach and Mikey Cole are ready for another night of mixing up tag team partner’s names and miscalling moves! And yes that was the same intro from last week. I'm lazy. Fucking sue me. COLE Hartford is on fire because HeldDOWN~! is in town! We return to the great country of the USA for another edition of sport’s and entertainment’s flag ship show! CABOOSE More like flag shit show with Crystal as champ. People, I’m Caboose alongside dick-head and shit-face. Our championship belt might as well have been thrown in the garbage last Sunday. Heck, toss the whole entire fed there as well! Without Zack Malibu to carry this company on our back I predict we’ll all be looking for work in two months. COACH I’ll hold you to that! Aside from my girl winning the strap, there’s a new 24/7 champ in town, my homies GPX are the tag team champs of the world! I think we’ll figure out what the hell a Muse is and tonight we’ll have a number one contenders match when Hoff, Leon Rodez, Drek Stone and Sly Sommers face off in an elimination match! COLE Fans set your VCRs because you don’t want to miss four of HeldDOWN’s hottest studs compete for a shot at the game’s ultimate prize! [Cue: "Survivor" by Knockout] The crowd seems confused at first, until the stage explodes in white sparks, and BLACK WIDOW~! stands at the top of the stage, dressed in a business suit and holding a mic. COLE That's -- we haven't seen her in ages! CABOOSE Spidey won't be far behind. He needs a woman to lead him around. Widow makes her way down the ramp as the fans cheer, and she climbs in the ring before hitting the corner and throwing her arms up with a big grin. After a moment, her music dies down and she grins, pacing the ring. WIDOW It's good to know some of us aren't forgotten . . . [The Crowd erupts again] WIDOW Before the OAOASTorch starts speculating, Jim isn't here. I wandered down from the production truck all on my own. I have a message for someone. Someone very special to me. COLE Well that's interesting. WIDOW . . . CRYSTAL. (Crowd POPS~!) [CUE: “Set it Off” by Audioslave] The crowd goes BANANA~! as Crystal makes her way down with her NEW World Title! Decked in a business suit as well (a gray one, for the three people that care), her and Widow look ready for a business meeting. Crystal holds up her title proudly to the rabid crowd before turning to Widow. The two women, old foes and friends, stand at the center of the ring, facing one another. The crowd is cheering, still remembering the Widow/Crystal series from more than a year ago. Crystal holds the World Title close, unsure of where Widow's loyalties lie. WIDOW Easy, kiddo. We had a good run together. One of the best. You were there for myself and Jim when we needed you, and I'll never forget that. You went through hell with me when Goblin was at his worst. And you celebrated with us when Jim took him out (crowd POPS!). And I couldn't help but notice the big gold belt you've added to your wardrobe. So I wandered down here to give you something. [Crystal watches intently as Widow slowly extends a hand . . . and holds it open before her.] WIDOW I'm proud of you. You did good, girl. Crystal smiles after a moment and shakes her hand without hesitation, pulling Widow in for a hug. The crowd cheers some more as the commentators are silent, except for Caboose making gagging noises. A few whispered words are exchanged before Widow gives her the mic and indicating the floor is all hers. CRYSTAL Thank you Widow. It all started with you. It was a crazy start here in the OAOAST, but hell, it was worth every damn minute of it! If we hadn’t had our great series of matches, I would have been nowhere. Thank you Widow. Always know I appreciate it. [Widow nods and smiles in appreciation as the crowd chants for her.] “WI-DOW! WI-DOW! WI-DOW!” [Crystal waits for the crowd to die down a bit before continuing] CRYSTAL I’m not going to get all mushy on all of you, because it ain’t my style. But to everybody in the audience, and to all the OAOAST fans out there, I want to simply say thank you. Now, onto Mr. Zack Malibu… “BOOOOOOO!” CRYSTAL I know, I know. “HE SURRENDERED!” * clap clap clapclapclap * “HE SURRENDERED!” * clap clap clapclapclap * “HE SURRENDERED!” * clap clap clapclapclap * CRYSTAL That he did! Seriously though Zack, after our 4 month battle, I have to admit I respect you. [the crowd murmurs in confusion, with Widow’s face mirroring this.] CRYSTAL It’s true, the respect is there and probably always will be there. But you know what? SCREW YOU! “CRY-STAL! CRY-STAL! CRY-STAL!” CRYSTAL You said I was a fad? You said I was a joke? That I was a novelty? (Lifting belt into the air) My, this 15 pounds of gold sure is a nice novelty prize! [The crowd continues to cheer for her as Crystal puts the belt back on her shoulder, patting it for emphasis.] CRYSTAL THIS represents the truth. It represents that, no Zack, I am not the flavor of the week. It proves I am the very best! It proves that, yes Zack, I am BETTER THAN YOU! CABOOSE I beg to differ. COACH Psh, you would! Get with the program Boosie! Crystal is for real! COLE (whispering the Coach) Stop stealing catchphrases from…them! CRYSTAL But the OAOAST World Title on my shoulder also symbolizes something else. This right here marks the start of a new era! Out with the old, in with the new! It’s time for the old guard to step aside, because the new guard will plow them over! And what better way to show this revolution than with our #1 contenders match here tonight? Four of the best young athletes in the business today are going at it! Leon Rodez! [Huge Pop!] CRYSTAL Drek Stone! [Are you kidding me? Of course he gets jeered!] CRYSTAL I know, I know. An imbecile, but a talented one, I must say. Speaking of which…Hoff! [Just when you think the crowd couldn’t boo enough…] CRYSTAL And Sly Sommers! [Crowd explodes!] CRYSTAL Frankly, it don’t get much better than that. Let the new era begin! “Set it Off” blares through the speakers as Crystal and Widow hug again, and raise each other’s hand before leaving. CABOOSE Awwwww. Excuse me while I blow Coach's brains out. COACH Why mine?! CABOOSE I'm too sexy to die! (WAM! Backstage we go!) Backstage, there is a somber mood in The Thrillogy dressing room. Hoff is gearing up for his match tonight, the memories of this past Sunday still fresh in his mind. Calvin Szechstein, bruised and torn from his encounter with Sly Sommers, leans back on the plush leather sofa, television clicker in hand. Candie paces the room, more nervous than the other two. CANDIE Where is he? He didn't call me yet, no one's seen him, I don't know where he... "I'm right here." Candie turns, and the door has swung open to reveal Zack Malibu, the former World Champion. CANDIE Baby! Where have you been. MALIBU Out. Thinking. What's it matter? CANDIE Well I was...I was worried, that's all. MALIBU Well, I'm here now, aren't I. I... Malibu looks at Hoff, who is nearly done getting himself collected for his matchup. MALIBU What've they got YOU doing tonight? Hoff looks at Zack, and hesitates. MALIBU You. Helen Keller. Mind answering me. HOFF It's a...it's a number one contenders match, Zack. Malibu's face sinks into a disgusted scowl. MALIBU A WHAT? Hoff tries to retreat, but Malibu comes up into his face. MALIBU Now you listen to me, you understand. I'm not even a week removed from that match, that god damn match that haunts my dreams every night, and YOU of all people are trying to capitalize on it? HOFF Zack it's... MALIBU SHUT UP! Don't you ever, EVER disrespect me. I brought you here, and I can god damn take you out with a snap of my finger. Candie comes up behind Zack, and puts a hand on his shoulder. CANDIE Zack, baby, I... Zack turns to face his girlfriend, still seething. MALIBU GET...AWAY...FROM ME. Candie pulls her hand away, looking very nervous as she steps backwards and slinks down in a chair. Malibu turns back to Hoff. MALIBU Now you listen to me. Calvin, you listen up too. Cal looks up from his spot on the couch, and attempts to make peace. CALVIN Look boss, I know how you're feeling. Been down that road myself. You can't take it out on Hoff, or her...or any of us. We did what we could. Hell, Hoff even tried to lend a hand, but the damned babyface parade got to him first. I know what you're going through, but... Suddenly, Zack's attention is taken away from Calvin by something on the TV. "TONIGHT, ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW! THE OAOAST PRESENTS A SPECIAL REPLAY OF ANGLESLAM III! WATCH HISTORY IN THE MAKING AS THE FEMALE PHENOM CRYSTAL BECOMES THE FIRST EVER FEMALE WORLD CHAMPION IN A CLASSIC BOUT WITH ZA..." *CRASH* The screen on the TV SHATTERS, as Malibu lunges over the couch and puts his foot right through the screen! Calvin hops over the back of the couch, out of the range of shrapnel, as Zack dumps the TV off of it's perch on the entertainment center and starts stomping on it! MALIBU HISTORY! HISTORY! IT WASN'T HISTORY! IT WAS A FLUKE! A FLUKE GODDAMMIT! THAT'S MY TITLE BELT! The three other Thrillogy members, seeing Zack emotionally distraught, attempt to calm him down. HOFF Zack, listen... Malibu reaches up, puts his hand around Hoff's throat, and pushes him up against the wall. MALIBU NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME! ALL THREE OF YOU! THAT BELT...THAT BELT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME! MORE THAN YOU...MORE THAN YOU...EVEN MORE THAN YOU (to Candie)! THAT IS MY TITLE! YOU HEAR ME! I WANT THAT BELT BACK! I WANT CRYSTAL! NOT YOU, NOT ANYONE ELSE...ME! YOU HEAR ME! Calvin tries to break up the fight, but Zack shoves HIM down, and stands over him! CALVIN Zack man, chill out... MALIBU CHILL OUT!??!?! THIS IS MY LIFE! THIS ISN'T ABOUT US! THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE THRILLOGY! THIS IS ABOUT ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, CAL!? I'M ZACK MALIBU! I AM THE SAVIOR OF THIS PLACE! NOT THAT GIRL WALKING AROUND WITH MY BELT! NOBODY CARES! NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT BELT MORE THAN ME! I'LL MAKE THEM CARE! YOU HEAR ME! THEY WILL CARE ABOUT THAT BELT AGAIN! THEY WILL BEG FOR ME TO BE THEIR CHAMPION! I'M ZACK MALIBU! Malibu storms around the room, picks up a vase of flowers off the table, and hurls it at the wall, shattering it. Candie, now extremely scared, hides behind Hoff. MALIBU YOU'LL SEE! You'll see...it can't end this way! You hear me...IT CAN'T END THIS WAY!!!! Malibu falls to his knees, almost in tears, as his rage as completely overcome him. Warily, the members of the Thrillogy approach, in fear of Zack's fragile psyche. Candie runs to his side and throws her arms around him, and Malibu leans in, allowing her to hold him. MALIBU She has my belt, Candie. She has my belt. CANDIE Sssh, it's OK. It's OK. Candie consoles Zack, while Hoff and Calvin look at each other, then back down at Zack. The Thrillogy members look on as Zack tries to reach a level of calm while in Candie's arms, until the scene fades to black. (GO TO BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Fans, we're back here on HeldDOWN...LIVE from...(checks the booking thread) HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT! And we're fresh off of the 3rd Annual Angleslam event this past Sunday night. One of the biggest nights of the year--an tremendous show from top to bottom--and fans, one of the matches on that spectacular card pitted Chris Bryte against his former idol--a man he'd looked up to in the past and a man that he has tormented for months now--Panther. It was a Steel Cage match! Panther vowed going into the event that he would take Bryte out once and for all; however, we weren't even sure that the match would take place, because last Thursday night here on HeldDOWN, Panther suffered what appeared to be a knee injury. There was all sorts of speculation that Panther had severely injured his knee, and that speculation appeared to be proven correct when at the event itself, Jackie Gayda reavealed to the world that Panther had suffered an ACL tear--one that would take months to heal. That didn't stop Panther, though, as he was determined to step into the cage and get his hands on Bryte. And so the match was on! The words "COURTESY OF OAOAST MAGAZINE" appear on screen in the lower right hand corner as we cut to video stills of both Bryte's and Panther's entrances. COLE (voice-over) Panther vs. Chris Bryte! Steel Cage match! We flash to stills of Bryte attacking Panther from behind prior to the match. COLE Early on, Bryte used a distraction from Taylor to gain the early advantage. His goal was to get Panther into the cage as soon as possible in order to exploit the knee injury, but when he did so, he'd be in for a surprise. We get a still of Panther lying inside the cage clutching at his "injured" knee. That precedes a still showing Bryte chaining the cage door shut, and another of Kevin Taylor swallowing the key on the outside. We then move on to a still of a shocked Bryte going face to face with a standing Panther. COLE As it turned out, there was no injury; Panther wasn't hurt at all. It was all a ruse to lull Bryte into a false sense of security, lure him into the cage, and once inside the cage, Panther did a real number on Bryte! Take a look at this. We get numerous stills of Panther bouncing Bryte's head off the cage. COLE Panther sending Chris Bryte into the steel mesh again and again, re-arranging the features of Chris Bryte. We move to a still of Panther applying a rear naked choke to Bryte while holding a razor blade to his head. COLE At one point, Panther actually took a razor blade and ran it right across the forehead of Chris Bryte! I thought he was gonna scalp him. We proceed to stills of Panther bashing Bryte's knee with a chair as he attempts a shining wizard and Panther applying the figure four to Bryte while using the ropes for leverage, before showing a still of the bloodied Bryte reaching into his kickpad. COLE Panther absolutely tortured Bryte! He put the youngster through pure hell in that cage, but the turning point in the match came here. Bryte--with desperation setting in--actually pulled a bottle of mace from his kickpad and sprayed Panther right in the face with it. We cut to a still of Panther holding his face before moving on to stills of Bryte going on offense against Panther. COLE With Panther blinded, Bryte was free to take the advantage. Bryte sent Panther into the cage multiple times, busted him wide open and appeared to be on the verge of taking the bout, but never doubt the heart and determination of Panther. We cut to a still of Bryte holding Panther in vertebreaker position over a steel chair. COLE Bryte had Panther set up for the Bryte Side on that steel chair. It appeared that Panther would go down for the count right there, but then-- Flash to a still of Panther escaping from Bryte's grip, then another of him hitting Bryte with a superkick. COLE --Panther managed to break free and regain control with that huge superkick! And from this point on, Panther never looked back. We proceed to a series of stills: of Panther driving Bryte's knee into the side of the cage, and a few different angles of him beating Bryte with the chair. COLE There you see Panther snapping on Bryte, using the cage to attack Bryte's knee, and then absolutely unloading on him with a barrage of chairshots. Panther wearing out the Bryte man! Beating him to the point that the youngster had had enough. Flash to a still of Bryte extending his hand to Panther as he hovers over him with a steel chair. COLE Bryte tried to bury the hatchet with Panther. Bryte tried to play upon Panther's sympathies, reminding Panther that he at one point idolized him. That he looked up to Panther. Bryte had appeared to turn over a new leaf, but it was too little, too late! We then flash to the still of Panther nailing Bryte with an earth-shattering chairshot. COLE Panther nearly taking Bryte's head off with that chair! And then it was time to finish Chris Bryte off once and for all. We flash to stills of Panther giving Bryte Da Bomb. COLE Panther hitting that devastating powerbomb on Bryte--dropping him right on the back of his head. Chris Bryte was done, but unfortunately for the Bryte man, Panther was not! We get 3 more stills: one of Panther pulling Bryte up from the pin, another of Panther tossing Bryte headfirst into the cage, and the third of Panther holding Bryte up for Da Bomb a second time. COLE Panther pulled Bryte up from the pin; he wanted to inflict more damage, and he did just that. He brutalized the helpless rookie, sending him from wall-to-wall of that cage before dropping him in Da Bomb one more time! But Panther still wasn't done. Flash to stills of Panther beating Bryte with the chair, then locking him in a Dragon Clutch. COLE Panther would lift Bryte out of a second pin, and proceed to tear into the Bryte man once more. He unloaded on him with more chairshots, hammering Bryte in just about any spot he could hit before finally putting this kid out of his mercy with the Truth Infection submission hold. The match was over, but again, Panther did not stop there. We flash to a still of the ref trying to pull Panther off of Bryte. COLE Panther refused to break the hold after the match, prompting officials to enter the ring to try and get control of the Champ of Champs. They tried to prevent Panther from doing any further damage to Chris Bryte. We get another series of stills showing Panther attacking the ref and other officials with the chair. COLE But again, Panther refused to be stopped. He absolutely tore through the officials one-by-one with hopes of ending Chris Bryte's career...perhaps even worse! But before he got the chance... Still of Taylor hitting Panther in the back of the head with a blackjack. COLE Kevin Yancy Taylor intervened, attacking Panther from behind. He put Panther down, had him knocked loopy on the mat, and from there, Taylor sought to do his own damage. Cut to a still of Taylor pouring gasoline onto Panther. We get another still of him KOing Tina with the blackjack. COLE There you see him pouring gasoline onto Panther...from there, Tina entered the cage, looking to make the save, but Taylor layed her out with the blackjack. Panther was in trouble, and it looked as if Taylor and a revived Chris Bryte were gonna try and set him on fire, BUT NO! We get stills of Panther dropping Taylor and cuffing Bryte to the cage. COLE Panther managed to fight them both off, and actually handcuffed Chris Bryte to the cage. From there, all that was left to do was for Tina to put on the finishing touches... We get 3 stills of Tina hitting Bryte square in the face with the flaming chair. COLE ...and that was all she wrote! Panther and Tina exact their revenge on Chris Bryte... One last still of Panther and Tina sharing a kiss in front of the AS set. COLE ...and we all live happily ever after! I love it! We cut to footage of Bryte being carried away from ringside on a stretcher. CABOOSE Whatever, Cole! Not everyone is happy about what went down at Angleslam. Chris Bryte damn sure isn't happy! The beating that Bryte suffered in this match caused him all sorts of injuries. Firstly, Bryte suffered a pretty bad knee injury; doctors say that it's so badly damaged, that it'll take at least 4-6 months to recover. Additionally, Bryte suffered fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a back injury, a concussion, and 3rd degree burns on various parts of his face due to that flaming chairshot from Tina after the match. And if all that wasn't bad enough, to make matters worse, Bryte lost so much blood that he slipped into semi-coma-- COACH DAYUM! CABOOSE Exactly! Thankfully, Bryte's since snapped out of it, and early reports don't show any significant brain damage, but still, a horrible, horrible night for the Bryte man! Not a happy night at all! And do you know who else isn't happy, Cole? COLE Who? CABOOSE ...THIS MAN!!!!!!! We cut to a pre-recorded promo, showing Kevin Yancy Taylor standing alone in a dark room. A small orange light shines from the left side, highlighting his face and giving him a devilish appearance. He has a sinister look in his eye as the camera slowly zooms in on him. TAYLOR So we've reached the end, have we? Panther and Tina have gotten their revenge, and this whole issue has been resolved, right? (laughs) WRONG! As long as I'm still around, Panther...Tina...as long as I am still breathing, this issue will NEVER be over! You see you two, everyone's so preoccupied with your quest for revenge, but what about MINE?! Huh? The two of you have caused me more grief in the last four years than one can imagine! Panther, you disrespected me...you embarrassed me! You nearly ruined my career! Made me the laughing stock of my family! And you, Tina! I was foolish enough to put my faith in you, and you betrayed me! You let me down, and in doing so, you nearly ruined my life! I lost my home! Lost all of my money! Lost my wife, and it was ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! And just when I felt as if you could do no more...just when I think that things can't get any worse, the two of you go and you hurt Chris Bryte--my loving nephew! The apple of my eye! You sliced him with razors! You burn his face! AND WHY?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!? He's so...so young! So vibrant! So full of life! HE DID NOT DESERVE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM AT ANGLESLAM! Because of you two, Chris Bryte may never be able to walk right again! Because of you two, his face...(voice cracks) his beautiful, beautiful face...(wipes a tear) HE'S SCARRED FOR LIFE!!! You've already ruined my life, but NO! That wasn't good enough! You had to go and ruin the lives of my family! The people I care about! And I ask you, Panther...I ask you, Tina, that after all the pain you've caused Chris Bryte, tell me...WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?!?!?! (exhales deeply) And people are stupid enough to think that it's over now that you got your win! No, Panther, it isn't over, and it won't be over until I RUIN your life! Until I make you experience ever bit of pain, every bit of the grief that you've caused me, and then some! You think we gave you hell before...(shudders) you have seen nothing yet, my friends! Oh no! You have seen absolutely nothing yet! Mark my word...I WILL have my revenge, and I will see to it that, Panther, and you, Tina...you will rue the day that you ever crossed...KEVIN...YANCY...TAYLOR! Taylor cracks his knuckles and glares into the camera with a crazed look on his face. The camera slowly zooms out and we fade to commercial. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) (Cut to locker room, where Sly is unlacing his boots. A knock on the door is heard; it's Crystal, who enters the room.) CRYSTAL Hey Sly, just thought I'd come in and congratulate you on the win tonight. SLY Thanks...by the way, congratulations on winning that belt on Sunday. That was huge...you beating Zack for that belt, me finally ridding myself of Calvin.... CRYSTAL You kind of got those events incorrect in terms of order of importance, but that doesn't matter right now. I just wanted to say "good job" on beating Leon, Drek, and Hoff tonight, and may the best person win when we face for my World Heavyweight Title. SLY See, that's the thing...you see, I just talked to Bill Watts via walkie-talkie, and he let me know that the Board of Directors have decided that our match should be next week on this program. How about that? CRYSTAL Sounds fine with me. SLY Cool, cool...just remember who had who down on the mat nearly unconcious last week before Zack and the Goon Squad decided to run in on us... CRYSTAL Well, just remember who spoiled your debut in the OAOAST this time last year.... SLY Relax...I'm kidding. I'm sure we'll put on one hell of a match. And who knows, maybe I'll walk out as the new World Champion. CRYSTAL I was just joking too. I'm sure we'll have a really great match, and give these fans one hell of a show. Shake on it? (extends her hand) SLY Sure. (The camera closes in on Sly and Crystal's handshake as we cut out.) (BREAK!)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) We cut backstage where Dan Black is standing in a corridor, Jivin' JR mopping his brow with a towel. Dan pushes JR away, an annoyed look on his face. BLACK Stop faffing over me, you annoying fat man! We're here to do a promo, for God's sake. JR I'm just worried after your loss in that match Dan. You're by far the superior singles wrestler. You should have- BLACK Yes, yes, thank you SO much for pointing that out, Jim. And I'll admit it, I was a little off my game tonight. Maybe I'm rusty. Maybe it was a bad night. And maybe, just maybe, I had something else other than this match on my mind. JR Like the SOONERS~!? BLACK No! Not the bloody Sooners! Get out of here! Dan slaps JR about the head until he shuffles off. Dan turns to the camera. BLACK Now, as I was saying...tonight, I was a little preoccupied. I was thinking about two people. Two people I know very well. Long term OAOAST fans will be aware that the greatest Tag Title feud in the history of the company, aside perhaps from Black T vs. GPX, was myself and JINGUS's rivalry with Los Infernales. Spider Poet and El Dandy. And you know, I thought I'd seen the last of them. I thought that particular chapter of my life was done. And then, at AngleSlam, when T.Bod and I innocently make our way to the ring to support Stephen Joseph- A slight look of distate still crosses Dan's face when he states his allegiance with the man he waged bitter war against for almost six months. BLACK -Los Infernales come out of the crowd and attack us. Now... Dan pauses, shaking his head and biting his lip. BLACK I don't want to go through what I went through before. And I'm sure you, Los Infernales, don't want to go through that either. So I'm going to make an offer. Next week. HeldDown. Los Infernales, you come down to the ring, and you shake myself and T.Bod by the hand, and you apologise for your actions at AngleSlam. That way, you avoid a lethal dose of the best damn tag team ever to step into a ring. You may think you want to get back into the game, Los Infernales. But the game has evolved since last we met. Dan Black, has evolved. Have your apologies ready, and hope I am forgiving. Dan fixes the camera with a final glare, and stalks away. (GO TO THE ARENA) COLE It's now time for our next contest, as four of the new breed of the OAOAST collide to face Crystal in her first-ever title defense, in the upcoming weeks. COACH You have three men in Hoff, Drek Stone, and Leon Rodez who haven't had a single opportunity at the OAOAST World Title yet in their careers, and you got Sly Sommers, who was screwed out of the title in the one opportunity he got. COLE With Hoff, you have a man who just ended a tremendous 24/7 Title reign on Sunday by losing to arch-rival Gunner Sharps. But for some reason, he helped Gunner beat Chris Stevens earlier tonight to keep the 24/7 Title. Plus, we just saw him stare down the new champion earlier tonight. Who knows what's up there? COACH With Rodez and Stone, you have two men who had one heck of a contest at Angleslam this past Sunday, which unfortunately ended with Drek having to resort to holding the ropes during a pinning predicament to cheat the win away from Leon. We know that one isn't over-with. COLE With Sly, if he wins this....he might have to face someone who has become a really good ally to him in this company, that being the new World Champion Crystal, who he went to a draw with in one hell of a technical battle last week on this very show. COACH With so many back stories, twists, and turns, this match is very interesting. Let's go to the ring for our main event! ("Woke Up This Morning" starts to play over the loud speakers inside of the arena. Drek Stone comes out to a chorus of boos, cockily walking to the ring, and taking time to rip up a fan's "Leon's A STONEbreaker" sign.) BUFFER The following contest is an elimination-style Four-Way Survival match, with the number one contendership for the World Title on the line! Introducing first, from Brooklyn, New York; weighing in at 235 pounds...Drek STOOOOONNNE! ("Black" starts up, and Hoff comes out to the ring. But, instead of acknoledging the crowd at all, he intensely jogs to the ring before standing and intensely focusing ahead...) BUFFER Representing the Thrillogy...weighing in at 275 pounds....HOFF! ("My Hero" starts up, and Leon Rodez gets a good ovation from the crowd as he comes to the ring, slapping hands with some of the fans in the front row.) BUFFER From Grand Rapids, Michigan...weighing in at 198 pounds, Leon Rodez! ("Gimme Back My Bullets" starts up, and Sly Sommers comes to the ring with a loud ovation behind him, wearing a bandage on his forehead.) BUFFER Finally...from Bayside, California; weighing in tonight at 197 pounds...SLY SOOOOOOMMMMEEEERS! ::bell rings:: Drek wants to start off until he sees Leon staying in the ring. He goes to the apron as quickly as possible. Sly agrees to start off as well. Sly and Leon shake hands in the middle of the ring, as Drek and Hoff stand in opposite corners. Sly and Leon stick their hands out, and lock them together, doing the same with their other hands to create a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Sly kicks away one of Leon's hands and twists the other into a wristlock. COLE Sly showing off some European stylings... Leon rolls forward and kips up. He then jumps up and brings Sly over with a flying headscissors to escape the wristlock. Rodez goes to the ropes. He bounces off and leapfrogs over Sly, coming off of the ropes on the other side. Sly leapfrogs over Leon, as Leon goes to the other side. Sly drops down as Leon jumps over him and keeps running. Sly drops down as if he's going for a backdrop, but Leon rolls over his back. Sly turns around and walks right into a Pele kick (backwards mid-air roll kick to face)! COACH That'll break a nose! Sly rolls to the apron as he holds his nose before coming to his feet. Leon tries to charge his shoulder into Sly's stomach, but Sly propells himself over the top rope and goes for a sunset flip. Leon gets out by rolling through and attempts to kick Sly in the face. But, Sly lies down on his back to duck before bringing Leon over in a schoolboy... 1... 2... Barely a two-count! Both men come to their feet, and Leon goes for a flying headscissors. But, Sly reverses that into a tilt-a-whirl faceplant. Sly waits for Leon to get to his feet. When Leon does rise up, Sly charges at him. But, Leon tosses him overhead. Sly ends up landing on his feet, but lands on his feet in Drek Stone's corner and accidentally tags him in! COLE This could get interesting here! Drek looks frightened as he tries arguing with the referee about that not being a legal tag. But, the referee won't have any of it and orders Drek into the ring. Drek tries sneaking into the ring, but gets met with a bevy of punches by an angry Rodez! Leon follows up by going for an Irish whip that Drek ends up reversing. Leon comes off of the ropes and slides under Drek's legs. Drek turns around and runs into a stiff discus lariat from Rodez! COACH Leon Rodez is a house of fire! Leon pulls Drek up and shoves him into a neutral corner. Leon connects with a stiff chop to Drek's bare chest that sounds like a gun had just gone off before nailing another that sounds even louder. Leon connects with another stiff chop, as Drek lets out what sounds like a whimper from the stinging pain. Leon whips Drek to the opposite corner, and charges after him. Leon connects with a bodypress in the corner before floating over to the apron, with Drek stumbling and falling down on the mat. Leon grabs onto the top rope, leaps up to springboard, and nails a swanton! COLE Whattamanuever! Leon comes off of the ropes instead of going for the cover, and comes back to nail a rolling senton onto Drek. Rodez's momentum carries back onto his feet, as he springboards onto the second rope and nails a Lionsault. Leon goes for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Rodez pulls Drek up and nails a snap suplex. Rodez follows up by nailing a Power Drive elbow (Muta-style standing twist elbow drop). Leon stretches out his left arm before walking over to the ropes. He attempts another Lionsault, but Drek moves out of the way and Rodez misses. Both competitors stumble to their feet. Drek takes the advantage by connecting with a clothesline. Drek pulls Leon up and locks him in a front facelock, as he drags him to Hoff's corner and tags Hoff in. Hoff punches Leon in the mid-section when Drek tells him to...but then forearms Drek in the mouth to send him onto the apron! COACH We know that Drek Stone isn't the Thrillogy's favorite person, but that was a little shocking. Hoff pulls Leon onto his feet and whips him off to the ropes. Leon comes off of the ropes, and Hoff lifts him in a gorilla press and nailing a very highly-elevated backdrop-type manuever. Hoff pulls Rodez up and lifts him onto his shoulders. Hoff tosses him for an F-U before inverting it into a sideslam. Hoff immediately pops up and nails a jumping legdrop. Hoff pulls Leon up and whips him off to the ropes again. Hoff lifts Leon...and hits a tilt-a-whirl Angry Man Slam (front spinebuster) with authority! COLE Never seen that one before! Hoff goes for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Hoff pulls Leon up by the arm, and nails a short-arm shoulderblock. Hoff keeps ahold of the arm and pulls Leon in for a second short-arm shoulderblock. Hoff keeps ahold of the arm for a third time, and pulls Leon in for a big short-arm body avalanche! Hoff grabs onto Leon's neck with both hands, and lifts Leon from the mat to above his head. Hoff tosses Leon up and away. COACH Such brute power by the dominant Hoff! Leon reaches outward, and Sly slaps his hand to tag himself in. Leon rolls to the apron as Sly enters the ring. Hoff dives in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Sly rolls under and away from Hoff. Hoff turns around and walks into a high dropkick from Sly. But, Hoff won't go down. COLE Hoff might have an iron jaw tonight! Sly then comes off of the ropes and connects with a stiff lariat to Hoff's chest. But, Hoff again won't go down. Sly comes off the ropes and goes for a second clothesline, but Hoff tosses him upward and makes him fall chest-first onto the mat! Sly slowly stumbles to a bent position. Hoff charges at him and kicks him in the side of the head. Sly spins around and crumbles down to the mat. Hoff pulls Sly up to his feet, lifts him for a vertical suplex, and tosses him, causing Sly to slightly flip in mid-air and land flat on his back! COACH No one's getting anything by Hoff tonight! He's a man possessed! Hoff slaps himself in the face and yells into the sky before nailing a standing double stomp onto Sly's stomach! Hoff pulls Sly to his feet and lifts Sly onto his shoulders before forcing Sly up and twisting him down into a pancake. Hoff pulls Sly up again and puts him in position for an over-the-shoulder powerslam before tossing him backwards in a suplex variation. COLE He's just tossing Sly around like a rag doll. Hoff pulls Sly off of the mat, who seems quite dazed. He lifts Sly for a powerbomb...and tosses him back-first into a corner! Sly crumps down into a seated position, and Hoff charges at him to connect with a stiff knee strike to the face! Hoff pulls Sly out of the corner and hooks his arms. He holds Sly in the air in butterfly position, stalling as the fans count along... 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! Hoff drops Sly with a butterfly backbreaker. Hoff grabs Sly by the neck and underarm to drop him with an STO backbreaker before coming back up and driving him down hard with an STO! Hoff walks over to Drek Stone's corner, and forearms him in the chest. The referee counts it as a legal tag. COACH These boys aren't playing nice, aren't they? Drek comes into the ring slowly, clutching his chest from the impact of Hoff's forearm. Sly stumbles to his feet and is open for Drek to give him a snapmare. Drek connects with two stiff shin kicks to the back of Sly's neck. Sly lies down flat on his back, and Drek steps on his face, twisting to scrape the bottom of his boot across Sly's eyes. Drek quickly pulls Sly up and gives him a Rude Awakening neckbreaker before going for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Drek pulls Sly up and nails a quick side suplex. Drek goes to the second rope and nails a front elbow drop before making a rather lackidasical cover, simply resting on Sly... 1... 2... Kickout. Drek pulls Sly up, and lifts him for a suplex. Drek comes down while kneeling and drops Sly face-first onto his knee. Drek immediately grabs Sly by the hair and pulls him down to the mat. Drek pulls Sly up to a seated position and repeatedly kicks him in the chest while holding his hair. Stone pulls Sly up and nails a Curtain Call (Goldust's lifting reverse DDT). Drek pulls Sly up by the hair and reels him into Hoff's corner. Drek tags in Hoff again, scurrying off before Hoff gets a chance to hit him. COLE It looks like Drek is smartening up. COACH Speaking of smartening up, Sly might want to smarten up and get out of the ring before Hoff kills him some more! Hoff grabs Sly's hand and goes for an Irish whip. But somehow, Sly reverses it and sends Hoff off to the ropes. Sly tries for something, but gets run over with a charging forearm by Hoff. Hoff pulls Sly up and lifts him for a Dominator. He drops Sly chest-first onto his bent knee. Hoff pulls Sly off of the mat with a reverse waistlock...and tosses him with a release German suplex! COLE He's DEAD! Hoff lifts Sly off of the ground in an almost reverse-bodyslam position, and nails a reverse fallaway slam. Hoff pulls Sly off of the mat with a front facelock, and repeatedly delivers knee strikes to Sly's face. Hoff then lifts Sly up and nails a snap powerbomb before backing up into the ropes and accidentally backing into a tag from Drek Stone. COACH Drek's not acting like the sharpest knife in the drawer tonight... Drek comes into the ring, as Drek and Hoff argue in the corner. While this is happening, Sly slowly and dazily stumbles to his feet. Out of nowhere, Drek catches him with a sidekick to the stomach to send him down. Hoff goes back to his corner as Drek pulls Sly up and nails a TKO, which he immediately floats over into a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. COLE What's this? We have to cut to a commercial break because someone ran out of time to write...I mean, tape this match? Okay, we'll keep the cameras rolling, and we'll be right back! (OBSCENELY LONG COMMERCIAL BREAK) COLE We're back after fourteen minutes of commercials...Drek Stone and Leon Rodez have both been eliminated, as Leon nailed Drek with a 450 splash about ten minutes ago after a hot tag from Sly to eliminate him, and just a few seconds ago, Hoff moved away from an attempted springboard 450 splash, and ran into the Hoff Bottom for defeat. COACH The only two men left are Hoff and Sly Sommers, and it's crunch time, as the winner of this last fall moves on to face Crystal for the World Title in her first defense at a later date! We cut back in right as Hoff nails Sly with a huge release Northern Lights suplex. Hoff pulls Sly up by the hair and lifts him onto his shoulders. Hoff then flips Sly over his head and drops him in a brutal backbreaker. Hoff then goes for a cocky one-foot pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT. Hoff then does a thumbs-down in the same form as the Emperor from "Gladiator", signalling that he's about ready to finish the match with the Hoff Bottom. Just then, Chris Stevens shows up on top of the ramp. He takes Hoff's attention away from the match, despite just standing there and not saying a thing. Hoff starts yelling stuff at him, despite Chris just standing there. Hoff spits at him before turning around... COACH Hoff shouldn't have done that... Hoff turns around and Sly takes him down by the arm! Sly hooks Hoff's arm in between his legs before locking in the cravate and completing the Cravateface! Hoff screams in pain but won't tap. So, Sly plants his feet firmly on the mat and bridges back to crank even more...and HOFF TAPS! *DING**DING* BUFFER Your winner of the contest, and new number one contender...SLY SOOOOOMMMMMEEEERRRRS! COLE Sly did it! He's now the number one contender! The camera cuts to Stevens walking back to the locker room... COACH Chris Stevens just cost Hoff his shot at the World Title, just like Hoff earlier tonight cost Chris the 24/7 Title! That issue might go a little further. COLE Let's hope that that issue gets resolved soon...but congratulations to Sly Sommers, who will receive a long-overdue World Title shot at a date to be named later. More HD in 3. (GO TO BREAK)

(Backstage in a parking lot we see Krista and Logan standing over a makeshift driving range. Yes, I said driving range. It’s just a strip of fake grass with a golf tee stuck in it. It would appear that Krista is teaching Logan how to play golf. Odd!) LOGAN Why do I have to learn how to play golf? Golf is a total bring down! It’s an elitist game based off of prejudiced principals and the ass backwards idea that less is more. Golf isn’t even a sport. It’s a wasteful activity that requires it’s viewers to restrain their natural behavior for the purposes of competition. Golf takes what’s good about sport and eliminates it. Replacing it with conformity and structure. Golf forces square pegs into round holes. The very nature of the game limits creativity and expression and rewards boring, prudish, conservative attitudes. Golf does not allow you or I to think forward, but only backwards. It’s like baseball only a thousand times worse. Golf reminds me of a fat man at McDonalds, sitting there stuffing his face full of food like a greedy bastard. Only golf doesn’t eat hamburgers and fries, golf eats people’s individuality. Then it takes what’s left and shits it out into the cesspool we call life. It’s things like golf, VH1, high speed internet, SUV’s, cell phones and the like that have turned us into a race of zombies, talking the same, walking the same, dressing the same..... KRISTA Exactly why we’re playing it, kiddo. Spirit breaking exercise. Hurry up and hit. LOGAN Can we skip the spirit breaking stage and go to the making out one? KRISTA No such stage. Now hit the ball! Wait, don’t hit it! You’re using a pitching wedge. Use the driver. LOGAN Who cares what I use? The ball’s all going to the same place. It’s like eating ravioli with a knife or a spoon. Just as long as it gets to the stomach, right? KRISTA Logan, golf is a metaphor for the human spirit. It may be ho hum to an infinite power and it may be a conformist sport, but that’s only if you approach it on the surface. On the deepest level golf is a symbol for what it means to be human. You’ve heard of the performing face, where we act differently in various situations. It’s like a healthy multiple personality disorder. Well, golf is a lot like that. Each club represents a different facet of your personality. A mask that you wear in different scenes. The one iron, the driver, is strong and direct, leaving little room for weakness. It’s the mask you wear when you want to make a good first impression. But we place so much attention on the driver, being strong and tough, that when it fails we’re left relying on our wedges. Our wedges are like our problem solving abilities. Ablities that we often neglect. People think that they can smack the ball hard and they’ll be good at golf. So they use three or four clubs. In life people want to take the most direct root to everything. The money, the girl, the power, they want it all at once. They only use three or four clubs, or performing faces, and that makes them shallow and it leaves them helpless and afraid when faced with adversity. But your lucky, I’m forcing you to use every club in your back. And right now I’m giving you the rare chance to make another first impression. Now swing! (Logan imitating what he’s seen in Hot Shots golf for PS2 takes a big swing) CLUNK! (Logan just hit somebody with the ball!) KRISTA Oh no! LOGAN Crap! I smacked.... JIM ROSS (OFF SCREEN, practically in tears.) BAH GAWD IN HEAVEN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? AH’M A HUMAN BEING! AH HAVE FEELINGS! AH DON’T DESERVE THAT! AH DON’T! KRISTA SORRY, um...Logan help... LOGAN(whispering) Jim KRISTA That’s Right. SORRY JIM! (Whispering to Logan) How about we try putting? (Logan grabs a putter and does a few air putts) KRISTA Okay enough of the Muse crap. I’ve been meaning to ask you this, why wrestling? LOGAN What? KRISTA Why not rock and boxing? Rock and hockey? Rock and movies? Why rock and wrestling? LOGAN It’s about time somebody asked! I was starting to conclude that celebrities showing up to wrestle was a regular occurrence. This may come as a surprise to you but most people don’t use our name in the same breath as they do The Hives or The Strokes. We aren’t what you or anyone would call musically gifted. I’ll go on record and state that most of our songs are nothing to write home about. Frankly, some of them suck. Don’t get me wrong! I can sing. I’m an excellent vocalist. But Synth.....he can’t drum and he can’t write for shit. He thinks he’s the second coming of Morrison. Not even close. I’m good but no one’s good enough to carry him. So we put on a good live show, we get the crowd into the act, we simulate oral sex between carrots and apples and the fans have fun. But our art won’t last. It won’t be remembered as long as the Saints consist of Logan Mann and Synth Esizer. We have some catchy songs but nothing that’ll hold the test of time. We’ve made some money and performed with some good acts but that’s it. You think that even ten years from now someone will look back on the year 2004 and reminisce about the time Synth jerked off piece of broccoli while wearing rubber vagina’s on his eyes? Doubtful? We’ll leave no legacy on the rock world, no biopics will be made about us. We’re not good enough and never will be good enough. At least not in our current form. We’re a gimmick. That’s why we got into wrestling, or at least I did, Synth likes to fool himself into thinking we’re bigger then we are. I can’t blame him, but I know the truth. I always have. Knew it when I let that fool convince me to join his band. If we’re going to be remembered at all it’s going to be in this redneck sport. Sucks but that’s the way it is. I grew up as a musician with him and I guess he’s my friend, but man if something else came along....wow....(Logan stares off into space as he ponders “what if”) But what about you, you don’t look like you’d be into wrestling. How’d you get here? KRISTA I’m not a big wrestling fan. I used to hate it. But after I won the California female fitness contest, there was a recruiter from the OAOAST backstage who Alix had told about me and he offered me a contract. Right then and there. He didn’t even ask for a tryout match or anything, just thrust a contract in my face. I took it because it was well paying job and when you have a three year old daughter, you have to do things you normally wouldn’t dream of. C’est la vie. LOGAN I hear you. We came into this company trying to try get our place in somebody’s history book and now....we’re not even ranked right. You saw that bullshit tag team ranking they had at AngleSlam? A team that just formed three weeks ago, The Bryants, are ranked higher then us, so are the Frankensteiners who’ve wrestled all of two matches, and so are the Skulls who Alix just beat in three minutes and don’t forget the Love Doctors. I don’t even know who they are! But the biggest injustice is that you and Alix aren’t even ranked and you haven’t lost a match since April, plus Alix is the only one of all the tag team members who can say she almost beat Zack Malibu. KRISTA You know what I heard? I heard Jim Ross is on the ranking committee. LOGAN That so? You think I should? You know? KRISTA Go for it. CLUUUUUUUNK JIM ROSS GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! WHY? WHY? DAMN YOUR SOULS STRAIGHT TO HELL! KRISTA Heh. This wasn’t as spirit breaking as I had planned. LOGAN But it was fun, I should play golf more often. (BACK TO THE ARENA) BUFFER The following contest is a Triple Threat match. It is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time-limit. Introducing the first contest, to be introduced by his manager... HeldDOWN~! Triple Threat Match "Sarcastic" Simon vs. Dan Black vs. Johnny "Jam" Jackson To the chorus of boos Jim Cornette leads "Sarcastic" Simon Singleton to the ring as "Chase" plays in the background. Simon is wearing a glittering black jacket with "MX" written on the back, and black trunks with stars on the front and back. CORNETTE He's the pride of Charleston, South Carolina, weighing 230 pounds, one-half of the most feared tag team today, representing the New New Midnight Express, "Sarcastic" Simon! BUFFER (CONT'D) And his manager, Mr. Jim Cornette! COLE Earlier today, Bill Watts ruled each wrestler could have one person at ringside. Since Jim Cornette & Jivin' J.R. have managers license, they're allowed ringside while "Narcissistic" Ned & T-Bod have to stay in the back. Johnny's partner Scotty will be allowed to stay ringside. Mr. Watts ordered this so the ringside area wouldn't be crowded, and in effort to keep the match as civil as possible. COACH I don't think that's fair, Mikey. Scotty is a trained wrestler. All Jivin' J.R. & Corny are trained in is competitive eating, and the last time I checked, the OAOAST was a wrestling promotion. Not fair. He can overpower the Jimmy's. COLE Well those are the rules. COACH Rules are made to be broken. COLE Jim Cornette & his New New Midnight Express haven't been happy since losing the tag team titles at AngleSlam. They also aren't happy with Hell's Hitmen, who keep hunting down James E. and his boys. Let's hear some comments recorded earlier today from Jim Cornette. A small box appears on the left-hand corner of the screen. Jim Cornette & the NNMX are standing in front of a superimposed OAOAST logo in the background. And you thought the OAOAST couldn't get any more old school. CORNETTE What a horrible 172 hours it has been. Not only did we lose the tag team championship, but our rental car was stolen last week by Black T -- which the local police refused to believe, saying it was a joke even after we brought them footage of the incident. But I wanna talk about a couple of zombies who've been chasing us -- Hell's Hitmen. For some reason these two Hollywood castoffs have a problem with me and the NNMX. Apparently they think Simon & Ned attacked them 3 weeks ago, which allowed us to take -- and eventually win -- their tag title shot against the Global Party XChange. You know what? It was us. We beat the crap outta the guys who love pain. We did what no other team can say -- we put down Hell's Hitmen. And these guys want a piece of us? If they get in our way, well, they'll be the ones left in pieces after the New New Midnight Express get done with them. Simon & Ned are the only two men who can take down an entire army by themselves. By the way, Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson...don't you boys think for one minute we've turned our attention elsewhere. Because whether it's next week, at Dirty Deeds, or 6 months from now, the New New Midnight Express will get their belts back. And, boys, this time we'll never lose them. Don't get too attached. The belts are ours. Count on it. CUE: "Quiet" The black smoke fades away, Dan Black steps out on the ramp, his trenchcoat flowing behind him as he moves. Jivin' J.R. follows Black like a puppy dog, his tonuge hanging out of his mouth like he hasn't had a drink all day. BUFFER His opponent, representing Black T, hailing from London, England, weighing 243 pounds, being followed to the ring by the Farmer of Champions Jivin' J.R., "The Ice Heart" Dan Black! And their opponent... The strobe lights beginning flickering... In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard can you say uhhh na na na na... The heavy beat kicks in, the lights flicker at a rapid pace, green lasers roam everywhere. Johnny "Jam" Jackson, one-half of the OAOAST tag team champions, walks on stage to the roar of cheering fans. Despite the fact AngleSlam has come and gone, Johnny is sporting an AS jersery, which you can buy at OAOAST.com. Wearing the belt around his waist, J.J. makes sure to slap hands with every fan nearby. J.J. removes his belt and lets a few lucky fans touch the gold. BUFFER (CONT'D) From the 313, weighing 215 pounds, accompanied to the ring by his partner Scotty Static, co-holder of the OAOAST tag team championship, Johnny "Jam" Jackson! COLE Johnny and his partner Scotty -- the Global Party XChange -- regained the tag team championship this past weekend at AngleSlam; defeating the two previous tag champions Black T & the New New Midnight Express in a thrilling Tables, Ladders & Chairs match. Next in line for a title shot -- Hell's Hitmen. A team that defeated the GPX at License to Pin back in July. * DING DING DING * All 3 men circle around the ring before locking up in a collar-and-elbow tieup. Dan & "Sarcastic" Simon drive their knees into Jackson's midsection, followed by a double-team hip toss, but Johnny lands on his feet. "Jam" sends both men to the mat with a double clothesline. Bodyslams for Dan & Simon. Dropkick knocks Black off his feet. Simon goes down with a clothesline. Back bodydrop! Dan had a great hang time, but unfortunately for him, all he got for it was a back full of canvas. Dan uses the ropes to pull himself up. Johnny charges at Dan. Clothesline over-the-top rope, the momentum sending Johnny over the top as well but he skins the cat back into the ring, to the sight of "Sarcastic" Simon running towards him. J.J. ducks out of the way, Simon bounces off the ropes and gets thrown in the air, straight down to the mat. Simon gets up, bending over, touching his nose. Johnny "Jam" uses the ropes to gain momentum. SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Johnny "Jam" Jackson just hit one of Simon's own trademark moves on him. Simon usually uses the swinging neckbreaker as the setup move for his singular Vegomatic. Johnny is, at least for tonight, going to follow in Simon's tradition, as he heads to the top. J.J. not only hit the swinging neckbreaker, but he's going to nail Singleton with the Vegomatic. No! Dan Black tripped up Johnny, making him land hard on the turnbuckle pad/steel pole connecting the turnbuckle to the ringpost. Black sets Jackson up for a SUPERPLEX. But Simon is land out right in the middle of the ring! BAM! COLE Simon just -- and I mean just -- got out of the way, but both men bounced a few inches off the mat due to the impact. Now Simon's going to the top. What's he going to do? VEGOMATIC~! Simon rubs his backside after the high impact move. Instead of landing on the side of his leg, Simon landed right on his BUTT so he could hit both men with his flying legdrop. 1... 2... Both men kickout. Simon picks up Johnny in a back suplex position, but instead of falling back with him he drops Jackson's legs on the top rope then onto his knee. SLINGSHOT BACKBREAKER. 1... 2... No! Dan breaks up the pin with a double-axehandle to the upper back of "Sarcastic" Simon. Black stomps Singleton on the head. Wristlock. Jackson whipped into the ropes. SPINNING WHEEL-KICK. Front facelock, FISHERMAN'S DDT. 1... 2... BAM! Johnny dropkicked Dan in the head. Jackson pulls Dan up, grabs Black's left-arm, sticks it between his legs and powers him up. Pumphandle slam into a piledriver. BEAT DROP! 1... 2... COACH Oh, Jivin' J.R. pulled Johnny out of the ring. J.J. tried to kick J.R. but he moved out of the way. That's a lesson to all of you who make fun of the fat people. Yeah, they may be husky, but when their lives are in danger, they're faster than the speed of light. And to all da ladies out there, the Coach loves 'em all -- black, white, Indian, Asian, Mexican, and especially blondes. I especially love women who don't have to be paid. COLE Scotty Static, Scotty Static tackles Jivin' J.R. to the floor and is hammering him with rights. COACH Don't make him mad. You wouldn't like him when he's mad. Simon with a sunset flip. 1... Johnny rolls out of it. Dropkick! He dropkicked Simon in the chest. Black from behind. Kick, BLACKOUT (Stunner). 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPE! Dan gets up, pointing at Scotty, telling the referee Static placed Johnny's foot on the bottom rope. The referee asks Scotty if that's true. And of course, he denies it. J.J. hits Dan with a cross bodyblock, sending them both over the top rope, to the floor. "NARCISSISTIC" NED runs out from the back, constantly turning his head, checking to see if anybody is following him. Jim Cornette is shocked to see Ned, asking "What's going on?" Blanchard slides underneath the bottom rope right, SCOTTY STATIC meets him head-on and throws him out of the ring, but Blanchard lands on his feet and jumps over the security railing. Cornette looks on, confused, as Ned exits through the crowd. Suddenly, the crowd rises to their feet. HELL'S HITMEN are making their way to the ring, their faces still covered in dried blood, wearing those busted straitjackets. "Simon. Simon!" screams Cornette, "Let's get out of here!" Wondering why his manager is begging him to leave, Simon turns around and sees the two big men coming his way. Like his partner moments earlier, Singleton slides out of the ring and exits through the crowd, Jim Cornette right behind. JINGUS & The Sadist walk towards the security railing then stop, sending a number of fans scattering away. Hell's Hitmen decide to watch the rest of Triple Threat match, which has turned into a one-on-one match-up between Dan Black & Johnny "Jam" Jackson. Jivin' J.R. distances himself from the two psycho's, while Scotty keeps a close eye on them. Remember, Hell's Hitmen are the number one contenders to the OAOAST tag team championship. COLE Hell's Hitmen have scared the New New Midnight Express sheetless. COACH Sheetless? I know that's the name Tim Burton sarcastically (no pun intended) suggested that name to WB executives for Beetlejuice, but didn't you mean to say "scared sh..." COLE Easy now, this isn't RAW. COACH Oh does the Coach wish it was. Could you imagine me interviewing our new OAOAST Champion Crystal, and her saying all those bad, bad things on national television? Now, back in the ring, Dan & Johnny exchange knife edge chops and punches. Johnny begins worning out Dan, sending him reeling into the ropes. Black with a thumb to the eye. J.J.'s whipped into the ropes, reverse back elbow. Black scoopes him up and-- Johnny floats over the top, side suplex. No! Dan manages to escape. He waist locks Jackson...BELLY-TO-BELLY BRAINBUSTER! Black dropped J.J. on his head rather than his back. Dan heads to the top and does the slashing of the throat gesture. Dan balances himself on the top rope then dives off. But Scotty hands his tag belt to Johnny. Scotty hops on the apron, getting the referee's attention. Jackson holds the belt in the air as Dan comes crashing down onto it with a TOP ROPE DIVING HEAD BUTT! 1... 2... 3! * DING DING DING * COLE Scotty jumps up and down on the outside, excited about his partner's win. COACH They cheated! COLE For so long GPX have been the victims of rulebreaking, now they're fighting back. COACH The rise of teenage violence just went up thanks to them. BUFFER You winner: Johnny "Jam" Jackson! Michael Buffer hands Scotty the tag titles, who joins his partner in the ring. Hell's Hitmen go inside the ring and stand toe-to-toe with the Global Party XChange, pointing at the belts. It's the champions and the #1 contenders staying eye-to-eye, face-to-face, man-to-man. The GPX talk smack. JINGUS & The Sadist look at each other then at the GPX. POW! The two sides begin throwing punches. The blows connected by Hell's Hitmen having more effect on the smaller Global Party XChange. Scotty & Johnny duck a couple of clothesline attempts, hitting the ropes for momentum, FLYING FOREARM SHOT to the heads of JINGUS & The Sadist. The monster's go down! The Global Party XChange jump on top of Hell's Hitmen, hitting them with all their might. All 4 men roll around the ring, exchanging punches. Various agents and officials rush out from the back and break the two sides up. Hell's Hitmen do not want anybody touching them, so they take out a few officials before heading backstage. GPX's theme cues up as they hold up the OAOAST tag titles. COLE Folks, word is we've got a camera on Chris Stevens, who's storming the halls! The shot cuts to the backstage area, where Stevens is walking down a hallway. STEVENS HOFF!! Stevens stops and turns, kicking in a door, but finding nothing. Stevens keeps walking, turning a corner. STEVENS HOFF!!! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!! Stevens keeps walking, then turns another corner -- and gets blindsided and shoved into a wall!! Hoff charges around the corner, laying into Stevens with big right hands, but Stevens fires back! The two men brawl, until security swoops in on the scene, pulling them apart! More guards approach from around the corner...along with "Cowboy" Bill Watts! COACH Hey, the Cowboy! Watts looks back and forth at the two men. WATTS Dammit all! You two are out of control! Hoff ans Stevens both struggle to get free, but there's too much security. WATTS Every week it seems like you can't keep your cotton pickin' hands off each other! Well, you want it so bad? You got it! Next week, Chris Stevens vs. Hoff, live on HeldDown! The fans cheer as a smile spreads across Stevens' face. WATTS But after that, this is through. I'm sick of you two messing up our shows. Always running in where you shouldn't...it's tiresome! And furthermore, if you touch each other BEFORE the match, you're suspended! How's that sound, fellas? HOFF It doesn't-- WATTS Good! Because that's how it's gonna be. All righty, pardners, let's roll. Security lets go of both Hoff and Stevens, and follows Watts down the hallway. Hoff and Stevens stand, staring at each other. STEVENS Guess I'll see you next week, sweetheart. Stevens, still smiling, turns and walks away the way he came. Hoff watches him go...then leans back on the wall, looking up and closing his eyes. HOFF I can't let this get to me. I can't...I can't. I can't. Hoff looks down, takes a deep breath, and turns and walks down the hallway. COLE Hoff vs. Stevens, next week! What a match! I can't wait! But stay tuned because we still have the four way coming up!

(RETURN FROM RBREAKA) The cameras cut to the back, where Jackie Gayda is standing by with Chris Stevens! JACKIE Chris, tonight you get your second 24/7 Title shot. You were successful in your first...will you be able to repeat the magic? STEVENS Magic? Jackie, there's no magic to it. Just the sweet science. But will I be able to repeat? You bet your ass. If it wasn't for the Thrillogy, the title would still be around my waist. Gunner, man, I got nothing against ya, but it's like I said last week: I'm comin' for ya. The fans cheer as Jackie smiles. JACKIE Well, what do you have to say about Hoff's comments earlier tonight about possibly getting involved in tonight's match? STEVENS Hoff...I hope you're listening. You and I aren't through...not by a longshot. We've got unfinished business, and we're gonna settle this old score, sooner rather than later. You want to come out to the ring tonight, big boy? Then come on down, because I'll be waiting. Stevens heads away, leaving Jackie alone. JACKIE There you go, boys. Back to you! (BACK TO THE SC!!~!~!~~!~!!~!!!~!!!) CUE: "Bound for the Floor" by Local H COLE We are set for the Twenty-Four Seven Title match! Chris Stevens steps out from the curtain to a pop from the crowd. He looks as focused as ever, and paces solemnly down the ramp before sliding straight in the ring. COACH Chris Stevens is all business tonight! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Twenty-Four Seven Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, from Rochester Minnesota, weighing in tonight at Two Hundred Twenty-One pounds… CHRIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS STEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEENNNSSSSS! Stevens gives the crowd a quick acknowledging wave, before focusing on the ramp again as “Bound for the Floor” fades out. CUE: “Debonaire” by Dope The fans come alive as the familiar music of Rhino’s former ECW theme blares over the loud speakers. Gunner Sharps soon steps into full view, 24/7 Title Belt shining around his waist! BUFFER And his opponent, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in tonight at Three Hundred Fifty-Seven pounds… He is the NEW OAOAST Twenty-Four Seven Champion… GUNNNEEEEERRRRRRR SHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAARPS!!! COLE Gunner got the revenge he wanted last night; he got the job done in defeating Hoff for the Twenty-Four Seven Championship! COACH It was a great match, and I’m sure the return of AJ Flaire to the OAOAST spurred Gunner on to victory last night, it was amazing to see AJ walk with the use of a cane, and we have heard reports that he may even have full mobility in less than a year! Gunner undoes his belt and steps into the ring, before showing it to the crowd to a tremendous pop. He hands the belt to the referee, who begins to hold it up to the crowd, but Stevens can’t wait any longer, as he attacks Gunner with a double axe handle to the back of the big man! COLE And we are away! Chris Stevens isn’t waisting any time! *DING DING DING* Stevens begins to go to town on Gunner, peppering him with hard rights and jabbing lefts to the temple and gut, making the three hundred pounder retreat back into the corner. Stevens lands another hard shot to the temple, and then backs up, before charging forward for a clothesline…NO! Gunner moves out of the way, Stevens crashes into the corner front first, and Gunner charges like a Rhino before connecting with a shoulder block to the back of the challenger! Gunner steps back, before delivering another hard shoulder block to the back! And another! Gunner turns Stevens around and sends him into the opposite corner with an Irish Whip. Gunner charges at Stevens, but Chris moves out of the way and Gunner goes shoulder first into the ring post! Gunner staggers out of the corner, and Stevens sends him down to the mat with a high dropkick! Cover by Stevens! One… TwNO! Gunner kicks out at the two count. COLE Chris Stevens is usually such a clean cut performer, but he knows what’s at stake tonight, the title that is on the line. Stevens, like the majority of the OAOAST roster, knows that he has to step up to the challenge and give everything that he has if he is going to dethrone the new champion Gunner Sharps. And with that shot to the shoulder right there, Gunner’s in trouble early. Stevens stomps the shoulder of Gunner Sharps and then drives a knee right into the joint. Stevens follows that shot up with another hard knee shot, forcing all his weight onto the shoulder of Gunner Sharps. Stevens then applies a cross arm breaker, but Gunner claws his way over to the ropes quickly, and slips out of the ring, yanking his arm out of the hold. Gunner starts to shake some feeling back into the arm, but Chris Stevens is again right on the champion, sending Gunner staggering back with a baseball slide to the outside of the ring! Stevens rushes over to Gunner and tries to land a blow to the head, but Gunner thrusts a quick jab to the stomach, causing Stevens to stumble backwards, clutching at his midsection. Gunner winces and grabs at his shoulder again, Stevens charges again and launches himself into the air for what appears to be a double axe handle, but Gunner catches him in mid air, runs forward, and drives his back into the ring post! COLE Gunner picked up Chris Stevens with his good arm and drove his spine into that steel ring post! Gunner may have found an opening here! Gunner holds onto Stevens and throws him back into the ring with his good arm, before sliding in after him. The big man follows up the ring post attack with two vicious boots to the back of the challenger, and he drops an elbow over the spine for good measure. Gunner rolls Stevens over, lateral press… One… Twooo…No! Stevens kicks out at the two. Gunner picks Stevens up to his feet and grabs his left hand, sending him to the opposite side of the ring with an Irish Whip. Stevens comes off the ropes, Gunner lowers his head, but Stevens stops and grabs the left arm of Gunner, before hitting an armbar takedown! Stevens follows up with a fujiwara armbar to the battered left arm of Gunner Sharps, who somehow manages to fight out of his position on the mat and gets to his feet, with the hold still applied. Stevens doesn’t let go of Gunner’s arm, but Gunner fixes this problem by grabbing Stevens by the throat in a goozle! COLE Gunner has Stevens by the throat! Gunner lifts Stevens high, before dropping him down back-first for a spine-shattering Chokeslam! Cover by Gunner! One… Twoooooooooooooooooooooo… No! Stevens gets a shoulder up! COACH Chokeslam, and a beauty, by Gunner Sharps! What a big-time impact move. Gunner shakes out his arm again and picks Stevens up off the mat. Gunner whips Stevens into the ropes, then uses his good arm to catch a running Stevens in a sideslam! Gunner lays into the quick cover, but Stevens is again out at two. Gunner gets back to his feet, pacing the ring before heading over to Stevens and picking him up yet again. COLE Gunner seems like he's trying to formulate a strategy here. Gunner picks Stevens up by the hair and tosses him into the corner, following him in with a shuolderblock. Gunner's shoulder catches Stevens flush in the head, and the smaller man sinks into the corner. Gunner quickly grabs Stevens' hair and pulls him up, setting him back up in the corner before stepping back and charging in with a clothesline! Stevens reels from the move, and Gunner capitalizes by grabbing Stevens again by the hair and throwing him roughly out of the corner. COACH Gunner seems to be wanting to smother Stevens! COLE Perhaps trying to take away his oxygen! That'll make life difficult for the challenger! Cover! Gunner covers, but Stevens throws the shoulder up at two. Gunner gets off Stevens and to his feet, then picks Stevens up. Gunner shakes his arm out again, then uses both big arms to scoop Chris up and slam him HARD to the canvas. Stevens' back arches as he hits the mat. COACH HARD slam there! COLE Gunner's all about power. As Stevesn writhes, Gunner runs off the ropes, then comes back with a jumping body splash! Gunner falls on top of Stevens, and hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! Stevens kicks out! COACH Damn, that's a big man to be lying on top of ya. Gunner gets off of Stevens, who clutches his ribs as he rolls along the mat. Gunner looks on as Stevens rolls to the ropes, using the strands to pull himself to his feet. Gunner gives his big arm one last shake, and charges at Stevens with a clothesline -- but Stevens ducks the move and sends Gunner sailing over the top rope! The fans pop as Stevens sinks to his knees after the desparation counter! COACH Whoa! COLE Stevens has such great ring presence. He knew he was in the ropes, and he saw Gunner coming, and he turned it all to his advantage! Gunner lies on the ground, holding his arm, as Stevens gets back to his feet. Stevens takes a look down at the floor, then hops over the top rope and lands on the floor next to Gunner. Stevens looks down at Gunner...then heads to...Sofa Central? COLE Hey, what's he coming over here for? Stevens storms past the timekeeper and heads to the announce position. COLE Hey, Chris, you've got a match going on! What the--?! As Cole stands up to question Stevens, the challenger heads to the side of the sofa and grabs a steel chair! COLE Hey! That's for any special guests we might have! COACH Well, Chris Stevens is a special guest! Come on, Cole! Stevens leaves the announce team bewildered as he folds the chair up, stalking back toward Gunner, who is leaning on the ring apron, still holding his arm. Stevens stalks toward Gunner, and raises the chair! COLE Come on, Chris! Not this way! Stevens takes a step toward Gunner -- but the big man sees him and catches him with a HUGE boot to the face! Stevens crashes to the floor, and the chair goes flying! The fans cheer -- then suddenly boo! COACH Oh, Mikey, look who it is! COLE It's Hoff! What the hell?! Hoff comes walking down to ringside, in his ring gear and Thrillogy t-shirt. Hoff pulls his arms away from the fans as they try to touch him. Meanwhile, Gunner looks around, befuddled by the commotion, until his eyes catch the Thrillogy member walking down. COLE Now what's he doing here? He lost the 24/7 Title fair and square! COACH Well he's here! Gunner, spying Hoff, heads around the ring. The two men meet at the end of the entrance ramp, and begin trading blows! The crowd goes wild as Hoff and Gunner Sharps begin to beat the hell out of each other! Gunner rocks Hoff with a right hand, sending Hoff reeling, but Hoff turns around and fires back! The two men pound each other, until the referee steps in! The ref attempts to break the two men up...but Hoff catches him with a right hand! The ref goes down hard, and the fans boo-- but they perk right up as Gunner sends Hoff to the floor with a HUGE shot! The fans go NUT as Gunner bends over and taunts Hoff! COACH Gunner's takin' care of business! COLE Hoff has been dealt with, I hope, and maybe now we can-- WAIT A MINUTE! Gunner stands up fully, playing to the crowd...but suddenly falls as Chris Stevens blasts him from behind with a steel chair! COLE Aw, come on, why! The fans boo as Stevens throws the chair down, staring down at Gunner with a blank look on his face. Stevens bends down and hoists Gunner up, sliding him halfway into the ring and pushing him in the rest of the way! Stevens slides into the ring -- but stops halfway, and gets yanked out of the ring by Hoff! Stevens turns around, and gets WALLOPED with the steel chair by Hoff! COACH What a shot! Stevens is out! Hoff looks down at Stevens, smirking, as the fans jeer. Hoff picks Stevens up and rolls him into the ring, then walks backwards up the ramp, smiling and holding his arms above his head in triumph! COLE Well, Hoff certainly made his presence felt! COACH Yeah, but now who will capitalize? The referee pulls himself up on the outside and rolls into the ring, then looks down at both men. COLE Neither man is moving! The ref kneels down between Stevens and Gunner as both men lie motionless on the canvas. The referee picks up one arm of either man, raises it, and lets it go...and both arms drop. The fans boo a little as the ref raises both arms for a second time....and both arms drop. The referee, slowly, picks up the arms for a thrid time, raises them, and lets them go... And both arms hit the canvas. COLE What is this? The bell sounds as the referee confers with Michael Buffer at ringside. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been ruled a no-contest!! The fans boo as Buffer reads the decision. COLE What? Come on, we have to have a winner! COACH But both men are still out from those chair shots! The referee takes the 24/7 Title belt from the timekeeper, and drapes it over Gunner, who slowly begins to stir. Stevens also starts to move, and both men climb to their feet. As they rise, champion and challenger catch eyes, and an uneasy gaze passes between the two...before Stevens suddenly sprints out of the ring! COLE Whoa, where is he going? Gunner euyes Stevens as he bolts down the ramp and behind the curtain. Gunner looks down at his belt, then hoists it up as "Debonaire" kicks in, and the fans cheer the 24/7 Champion! COLE Well, under some controversial circumstances, Gunner Sharps retains his title! CABOOSE That's putting it nicely! COACH What the?! Where the heck have you been? CABOOSE With your mom. Time for a break. (GO TO BREAK) Scene fades in to a small candle flickering in the total darkness. A hand reaches out for the dying flame and touches it. It goes out. A red spotlight shines on the man sitting in the corner of the room. Man: Daniel Morgan... it's time to prove to the world, what Hollywood has been missing in the next Bela Lugosi... the next Lon Chaney... the next Frederic March. It's time to show for once and all, what a great award-winning actor I can strive to be. The price to pay... I have to take in total darkness in my heart. I have to turn my back on the remnants of the decaying morals I had. I have to play the aggressor in this relationship. That's the true mark of Slasher Flick. The end of disbelief and the start of the deepest fear that people burrow inside their souls. Death. You see it everyday. In movies, on television, hell, even behind the garage, in the alley, when you throw your trash out and see a lifeless face look up in the beautiful sky. Death will not rest until he has all of your souls. Slasher Flick... will exploit that fear. I will make sure people remember death. Embrace death. Celebrate it even. And I'm not talking about Dia de la Muertos. None of that shit. I will show you, and the fans all over the world, the true meaning of Slasher Flick. And so it shall be said. I will arrive..... Scene fades out to the red spotlight turning into oozing blood on the camera. (RETURN FROM BREAK) (We cut to a shot of Father’s office where Father sits at a desk. Cain stands behind Father while JAE sits in a chair in front of the desk.) FATHER How could you let that happen at the PPV? How could you lose!? J. ARTHUR He got lucky. It was a fluke and you know it. I saved you from that beat down remember! FATHER I wouldn’t have been in that beat down if you hadn’t lost! As if that were not enough now Rick wants to face me at the next PPV? He’s trying to call the shots around here again and we can’t let that happen! J. ARTHUR What do you want me to do about it? Threaten the Board of Directors? I want to keep my job. FATHER If you don’t do something then you’ll have more than your job in the OAOAST to worry about! J. ARTHUR Fine...I’ll see what I can do. FATHER We will do things around here our way not the Board of Director’s way. If Rick wants to run around the OAOAST thinking he’s a hero that’s fine, but deep down he knows who’s still…the boss. *All three men laugh as we fade out.*

(GO BACKSTAGE) STAGEHAND JOE (he has a name!) Hey Crystal! Congrats on the title win! CRYSTAL Thanks Joe! How's the wife? (Before poor Joe can respond, he's shoved out of the way by....) CRYSTAL What the hell is your problem Hoff?!? HOFF Problem? Nah, only people who aren't perfect have problems! Sorry to interrupt your conversation with this average Joe, but frankly, I'm more important. You can get back to being a champion of the people after this, I promise. CRYSTAL And what is this pressing matter of which we need to discuss? HOFF Just wanted to make sure you're keeping that belt warm, because you are looking at the next champion. CRYSTAL Is that so? HOFF Yeah, pretty much. Sure, you got lucky in beating Zack, but Lady Luck is sick and tired of you Crystal. Time for reality to set it because that belt is coming back to the Thrillogy, baby! CRYSTAL Speaking of reality checks, here's one: you don't even have the title shot yet. Baby steps Hoff, baby steps. HOFF Oh, come on! You're talking about the match tonight? It's in the bag! CRYSTAL Let me guess: you've got "reassurance" coming down. HOFF (getting in Crystal's face....well not quite with the height difference, but you get the point!) Hey, I can do this on my own perfectly fine, no sweat. The title shot is mine, no competition. CRYSTAL I can think of three guys that would beg to differ, Hoff. HOFF (backing off, chuckling a bit) Crystal, the only thing they'll be begging for is mercy. CRYSTAL Begging for mercy? (Looks at her belt drapped on her shoulder) Well, Hoff, if you are anything like your "leader", you will be the one begging for mercy. HOFF Hey! That was a fluke! It'll never happen again! EVER! You'll never hear the Thrillogy begging for mercy! (Crystal rolls her eyes and starts walking away, but not before looking over her shoulder one last time) CRYSTAL Maybe if you keep repeating that, it'll be true! Anywho Hoff, good luck! You'll need it. (BACK TO THE SC~!) Cole At AngleSlam, we saw the return of several former IntenseZone wrestlers, all intent on helping The Mad Cappa win his freedom from the Inten5e. Coach However, that was not to be, as Andrew Hyland inadvertently hit Cappa with the Italian Championship belt, and Stephen Joseph capitalized on it. Cole So Inten5e remains a full unit, and Stephen Joseph now prides himself with his newfound gold. Let's take you back to that pivotal moment. Courtesy: OAOAST Entertainment ----- Cappa holds himself and tries to stand back up, and Stephen senses movement behind him (that and the crowd is cheering). He turns around and DUCKS a chair swing from ANDREW HYLAND! But that chairshot ROCKS Cappa hardway upside the head! Andrew's momentum carries him around and Stephen instinctively kicks him in the stomach, causing the chair to drop! Stephen DDT's Andrew onto the chair and rolls right back on top of Cappa! ----- Caboose A terrible moment in OAOAST history. Cole And Stephen is in the ring now, to address us all. The camera slowly pans to the ring, zooming in on a smiling Stephen Joseph, dressed in business clothes and a title belt slung over his left shoulder, the microphone in his right hand. Stephen Joseph Well well well, look who is the champ again? Look who was right again. You know, I want to start this off by saying a BIG Congratulations to Crystal. Crystal, you showed you had what it takes, and proved to everyone that one woman can beat...another woman. You showed everyone what I've been saying for a year and a half..Zack Malibu is a sham. We all know it took him cheating to keep the belt away from my hands last year...and I haven't forgotten Zack, and we will settle this issue someday...But not today. Congratulations Crystal, but I want to let you in on a little secret. A very little secret. He's coming for you Crystal, but you know who I'm talking about. They don't. Cole Who is Stephen referring too? Who else could it be but Malibu? Stephen Joseph But really, from one Champion to another, cogngratulations Crystal. I always thought ::beeped, but it rhymes with wussies) have held the OAOAST Championship. Maybe one day we'll have a real Champion. Ha! Oh you people, you thought I was going to praise her? Whatever! I've been here longer than her. And what do I get. I had to MAKE my opportunity. Tony and Dan...they've had to MAKE theirs. Do you see US getting any title shots? NO! And we've been here the longest! We've shown the conviction. We've busted our ASSES and have to scrape out meaningless belts here and there just to get on TV. You should be THANKING us for saving this tag division. You should be THANKING us for saving the OAOAST from the A.W.O. But you don't See, this was the history lesson Cappa needed reminding of. And that's what he got. Even all his little friends couldn't help him out, I saw them trying to interfere. And I'd really like to thank Andrew Hyland for helping me out, because if you THINK he was gunning for me...you're wrong. He's been bought out ever since he begged me for a shot at the North American championship last January. You really fell for it? So did Cappa. Cappa learned the hard way. But he learned. Now he's not here tonight, I gave him the night off, to think about what kind of a MAN he's going to be. You see, we members of Inten5e are like...well we're like George W. Bush. A great American you see, we say what we think, and we do what we say, and we don't give a flying flip if you agree with it or not. We're our own men, responsible to no one but ourselves, and its THIS attitude that has kept us trying and fighting and living here in the OAOAST since it started. This is what Cappa needs to learn, and it is what he will learn. But I'm here to make an announcement. I'm a fighting Champion, and so next week, I'm going to let four people fight it out for the number one contendership for the Italian..no wait. Ukrainian Championship. It's a special gift for Cappa for him to PROVE he's Inten5e. You see...it's going to be Cappa versus Hyland versus Dandy versus Peter Cone. Cappa's going to learn you can't win and be nice at the same time. He will learn from our example, and he will grow into a fine man, and a fine Champion one day. He will learn from me. Oh yeah, and remember...I've still got a promise to fulfill. The Puerto Rican will return...and he will be OAOAST Champion. As he says...That's the Truth Ruth! And one other thing...Stephen Joseph is back. ::A wall of flame erupts around the ring momentarily as Stephen looks on menacingly. Music stirs up, and it's Kayne West's "Jesus Walks":: I need to recruit all the soldiers All of god's soldiers We at War We at war with society, but most of all we at war wit ourselves Stephen Joseph walks through the fire, and pulls a cross from his pocket, putting it around his neck. He drops down onto the ring floor and turns around, eyes awash in the burning flame... Jesus Walk- God show me the way because the devil tryna break me down Jesus Walk With Me- The only thing that I pray iz that my feet dont fail me now Jesus Walk-And I dont think theres nothing I could do now to right my wrongs Jesus Walk With Me-I wanna talk to God but im afraid cuz we aint spoke in so long.. Cole This is one side of Stephen Joseph we wish we would have never seen again. Arguably, this was Stephen Joseph at his most successful. The question is, what prompted the change? Coach Maybe he really thinks he can change Cappa? I mean, I don't know. Caboose The devil of the OAOAST is back. Cole And we'll be also after this short break! (GO TO BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) *Higher Ground by The Red Hot Chili Peppers begins and the fans cheer as Blurricane flies out of the stage. Judas, Parka, Eddy, and Leah follow him out and the fans stand on their feet.* COLE Blurricane was successful in defending his X Division Title this past Sunday, but thanks to JAE and Cain he didn’t get the full 5 minutes with Father. COACH That sucks. I’m sure B-Cane will get his revenge someday. CABOOSE Listen to you two. You make me sick. *Blurricane and company slap hands with the fans before entering the ring. Blurricane grabs a mic and begins to talk as the music dies out.* BLURRICANE I didn’t get a chance to say this on Sunday so let me say it now. I’m back baby! I spent the last four months feeling sorry for myself or hating myself and finally with the help of these fine people behind me I saw the light. I spent too much time trying to change myself because I was afraid. Now I realize there’s nothing to fear because Father is just a weak old man! *The fans cheer* BLURRICANE He may have physical strength, which he cheated to get, but mentally he’s just a crotchety old man. On Sunday I should have beaten him and been through with it, but I had that chance taken from me. I have waited a long time to finally get my shot at revenge and I will get it! That is why I am asking, no I’m begging, the Board of Directors to reinstate Father as an OAOAST wrestler so I can face him in a match at the next PPV! *The fans cheer* BLURRICANE I no longer want to just fight him; I want to make it official so I can beat him at his own game. He says he’s a trained fighter and that he can hang with the young guns? In those 2 minutes I did get with him at the PPV I never saw him exhibit any sort of fighting skill whatsoever. Father you have always been a liar and now I want to expose you as that to everyone. I want to humiliate you like you did to me last year and I want to take away your pride. This has been a long time coming and I hope the Board of Directors see it that way. CABOOSE Hasn’t he used up his favors from Watts? COLE Shhhh. BLURRICANE Now I haven’t forgotten those who got me here. These people behind me are my family now. The Machine wants to run around here saying they’re in control, but they’re not in control of us. We are the wrench that will be thrown into that machine. We are the few that will stand up and fight. We are Justice Inc.! COLE Justice Inc.? CABOOSE Lame! BLURRICANE Before we leave there’s someone in this ring I want to address in front of these people. Judas…almost one year ago you came to me a broken man and asked me to give you a name. That night I named you Judas because of what you had done, but I believe that you have proved yourself time and time again. Therefore from this point on you no longer will have to wear that name. You, my friend, my brother, are Jude. I don’t care what Father says you are more than a clone. You are not an empty shell because I don’t believe a soulless man would have the heart that you have. *The fans stand up and cheer as Blurricane and Jude shake hands and hug* BLURRICANE You see Father, while your Machine is breaking apart this family is growing stronger. We will dismantle your machine piece by piece. I hope that you are reinstated because when you are I’m coming for you and I will rage…against…the machine! *The fans cheer as Higher Ground starts up again and Justice Inc. leaves the ring. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN BREAK) COACH It's time for some fun.. ["Calling Dr. Love" plays as Max Anderson walks down to the ring accompanied by Steven Pigley. They gyrate to the music and disrobe.] RING ANNOUNCER Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 232 pounds, Dr. Max Anderson! COACH Ya know what.. Rick Shirley is backstage COLE Oh, yay [We cut backstage where Rick Shirley is dancing in his enterance gear] RICK SHIRLEY Let me tell you this. Colesy, Coach Man. I got a boner the size of Florida because George W. is speaking and I get to wrestle a doctor. [shirley squeels.] SHIRLEY Oooh doctor.. doctor.. check me for hernias doctor. Doctor.. I'll turn and cough! [shirley gyrates.] SHIRLEY You gotta realize, i'm in heeeeaaatt.. I'm watching those sexy Republicans and I just know they want to dance on the floor and make sweet love to another man. DON'T DENY YOUR URGES RICK SANTORUM! It's just like the time I went to the Christian Coalition convention! [shirley smiles and does a backflip.] SHIRLEY I'm hearing that my deeeeevas are signing up. Haaahahaahaha.. [shirley laughs out loud.] SHIRLEY I hope I don't have to take a drug test tonight. I know i'd fail. I mean, I like to whip my dick out in the lockerroom and all, it is the standard that all others are measured by. I call it "The Lanky Yankee". One day, I will rule the Ow-ast! [shirley runs off camera.] SHIRLEY Toooooddles! [We cut back to ringside.] COACH Did you give him pixiesticks? COLE I don't give anything to that guy. COACH Oh, so you're the catcher. ["All you need is Love" by the Beatles plays as Rick Shirley runs down to the ring carrying his confetti gun. Shirley slides into the ring and starts to violently shake the ropes.] RING ANNOUNCER Introducing second, from the Valley of Love and War, weighing in at 230 pounds, "El Guapo Guerrero" Rick Shirley! [shirley then goes to a corner and disrobes. But then he steps out of the ring and picks up the confetti gun.] COACH Oh, this might be.. interesting. [shirley fires the gun at Steven Pigley, knocking him down to the ground.] COACH HE MIGHT BE BROKEN IN HALF! COLE Well, that's fucked COACH That's how Rip Taylor died [shirley slides into the ring and the match starts. Even if the medics are coming out to check on Pigley] Shirley locks up with Anderson and unleashes a takedown. Shirley then tries to force Anderson down on the mat but fails. Anderson takes Shirley down with an armdrag. Shirley gets to his feet and then licks his bicep. COACH Restrain yourself Cole! Shirley locks up with Anderson and takes him down again. This time, Shirley gets behind Anderson and begins to dry-hump him. COACH I think this is a submission move COLE Um.. it's pretty disgusting Anderson squirms and tries to reach the ropes, but Shirley keeps going. COACH This is the first time i've ever seen gay porn COLE Lesbians count as gay porn COACH That's totally different! Shirley smiles and stops humping Anderson. COLE Well, that was effective, I guess. COACH Is he softening Max up for anal? Shirley executes a go-behind on Anderson and gives him a backrake. Anderson contorts his face in pain before Shirley grabs Anderson's face and kicks him in the groin. COLE The referee is warning Shirley COACH That was an accident! Shirley smiles and gyrates behind Anderson. Anderson rolls around on the mat and then gets to his feet. Anderson rocks Shirley with a dropkick. Shirley staggers back to the ropes. Anderson then attempts another dropkick and Shirley side-steps him. Anderson is left on the mat. COACH This might be it! Shirley reaches inside his tights and pulls out a condom. COLE Oh no! COACH At least it'll be safe! Shirley puts the condom on his fingers and applies a Mandible Claw to Anderson. Anderson starts to drop to the mat before he kicks Shirley in the groin. "OOOOOOOHHHH" COACH He likes it, Mikey likes it! Shirley moans in pleasure and Anderson kicks him in the groin again. "YEEEEESSSSS" Shirley takes Anderson down to the mat and Anderson kicks Shirley in the groin again, this time Shirley is forced to release the hold. COLE That's just bizarre COACH Balls of steel! Shirley recooperates as Anderson waits for him to get up. Anderson then picks Shirley up for a scoopslam, but Shirley counters by blocking the scoop and lifting Anderson up for a fallaway slam. Shirley then lifts Anderson up in a fireman's carry and drops him with the Heartbreak Hotel COACH It's ovah! Shirley lays Anderson down on his back, hooking his legs and forcing his crotch into Anderson's face. ONE TWO THREE! COACH Another one bites the dust! Shirley smiles and kisses Anderson on the mouth before skipping off. COACH Rick, you forgot something! COLE Shaddup! Rick Shirley turns around and runs to the commentary desk. SHIRLEY What is it Coach Man? COACH Aren't you going to take Anderson to the back and violate him? SHIRLEY Nah, he's a bit too vanilla for me. Plus, Phoenix is now my gimp! Yeeeehaw! COLE You're just sick, you know that? SHIRLEY The fact that you're closeted is sick. Embrace your perversion Colesy. Do-ett! [shirley smiles and hugs Michael Cole before he runs off to the back.] COLE I'm going to burn these clothes. COACH Why, did you test positive for body lice again? (SMAAAAAACK! Cole knocks Coach the FUCK OUT!)

(RETURN FROM BREAK!) (We’re back on the show and we see Skull Kid and Skull Mask who have been standing in the ring for god knows how long. It appears that no one has noticed that they were there) SKULL KID Listen up people! COLE What does this idiot want? (The crowd continues murmuring, not paying attention to what Skull Kid has to say) SKULL KID Listen to me! (The crowd doesn't) SKULL KID Fine! I'll talk to a brickwall if I have to! None of you will pay attention to us. Nobody will pay attention to us. I see how it is in this company. We came in hot, putting the hurt on Ryan Smith and making a name for ourselves in this federation. But this is a “what have you done for me lately” company and no one is giving us a chance to do anything lately. We get job duty and b-show main events. And this company doesn't have a b-show! Enough is enough! The company line is that the OAOAST has the greatest fans of any sport. I'm here to tell you the company line is BS! You people aren't great. You disrespect and treat us like asses. We are not asses, we are people! People with real emotions and feelings! And in my four years in this business I have never been more humiliated then I was this past Sunday, when the English wackers or whatever they say over there didn't even acknowledge our presence in the four way match. We didn't get face heat or heel heat. We got the cold shoulder. Enough is enough! Damn unacceptable! (The crowd still isn't listening. Some fans have retreated to the merchandise stands to pick up the brand new Hells Hitmen t-shirt, also available at the OAOAST website for $14.99.) SKULL KID This mess all started at the tag team title tournament in May. We were stomped out in the friggin first round by Chicks Over Dicks thanks to Ryan Smith! Well, he ain't around no more! But Chicks Over Dicks are! And if we can beat them, it'll be like that loss in the tag team title tournament never happened and we can go back to being the talk of the town! It's like the clock will have been reset four months! Alix and Krista.....GET OUT HERE (“Stupid” by Sara McLachlan hits and Chicks Over Dicks steps out onto the entrance stage. The girls are greeted with a pop that’s normally reserved for wrestlers like GPX. If the Skulls wanted a match, they’re going to be sadly disappointed as Alix and Krista are wearing business suits. Attire not made for wrestling.) CABOOSE First Cole, then Widow, then Crystal now these girls? Why all the women? Oh that’s right, put the novelty acts on first! KRISTA Blah blah blah blah blah blah! Talk about boring! You brain cell deficient half wits epitomize it! I had to down an entire bottle of No-doz to sit through that inane diatribe. ALIX Would you guys like some cheese with your whine? You blame us for the fact that no one cares about you? Call me crazy, but maybe no one likes you or pays attention to because you're the most boring thing to hit the entertainment industry since "The Terminal". Maybe no one likes you because you kinda suck. I'm talking Saved By the Bell the college years "suck". I'm talking the Prince and Me "suck" and that's a lot of suck! Because that movie sucked. Much like you! Wait! I have a phone call. Hello? Oh Hi Suck, how are you? How was Tampa? Yeah I'll tell him. Skull Kid, suck says 'you suck'! The clever(and by clever I mean stupid) Hartford crowd chants “YOU SUCK” at Skull Kid. COACH She should call him suck-bag! CABOOSE Suck-bag? What kind of dumb shit name is that? You're likely to get your ass kicked saying something like that. KRISTA All kidding aside, I'd like to offer you both a healthy alternative to your incessant moaning. If you both go outside, you'll see a long strip of concrete called a road. In the road there are cars. Why don't you both see if you can touch one of the speeding car's bumper with your face? That sound fun? If that doesn't tickle your fancy, why don't you try jumping off a cliff into a pile of syringes? Either way will put an end to your problems and mine. SKULL KID (leaning over the ropes) What the hell? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Are you gonna come down here and fight or what? Come and get your ass kicking! ALIX Huh? What? Is there another tag team in that ring that I can't see? Because I really don't think you two are going to give anyone an ass kicking! You guys couldn't even beat up my Grandmother, and she's been dead for ten years! My three month old kitten could make you tap out. (Alix starts to say something but Krista gets her words out before her young teammate can) KRISTA Well, if you all are so eager for a match, why don't you fight our Muses. Beat them and maybe you'll get a shot at us. Maybe. Either way it'll kill some time until the important people are ready to wrestle. Regardless of what the outcome may be, Skull Mask perhaps you'd like to engage in some healthy male bonding with your friend and shoot him in the crotch with an assault rifle. (The crowd who have been waiting for weeks to find out what a Muse is applauds Krista’s match idea) (Alix starts to look worried) ALIX Krista...I think we need to tell them the truth about the Muses. KRISTA & Skull Kid The truth? KRISTA Shut up, Skull Kid! ALIX (talking in the type of voice your mother used when she told you there was no Santa Claus) The truth, Kris. Guys, there's no such thing as a Muse. It was just a little ol marketing gimmick we used to create interest in an undercard tag team match! Really it has no meaning, we never intended on making Logan or Synth our muses because we don't even know what one is! To be one hundred and ten percent honest with ya, we should've told you the truth after the Almost Famous match but...well, we figured that if we kept ya in suspense you'd tune in to see what a Muse was all about and then we'd have the highest rated sgement on the show. And well..uh...like...we're..uh...really sorry! "BOOOOO! BOOOOO!" ALIX Ha ha, I'm only kidding! Krista, tell these beautiful Hartfordtoni...um..Hartfordaria....um...Hartfordo...no that’s really not right....these really beautiful...um...people from Hartford what a Muse is! KRISTA With pleasure. A Muse is a lot like alcoholics anonymous. To be a Muse is to go through a four step recovery process, taught by Alix and myself. Step one is spirit breaking! There are those who are rebellious. They fight constantly against known an unknown powers and seek to lash out at anyone even those who try to help them. Well we take that rebellious fighting spirit and we crush it. Crush it into little specks, and spread the specks out into the sea of oblivion. The spirit breaking stage is the foundation stones of the road to utopia! Step two is remolding! Remaking these broken men into our image, the image of the perfect spiritual being, loyal, obedient, unquestioning, sympathetic to the needs of all creatures. ALIX Why didn’t we just a buy a dog? Because at least the Saints know how to use the toilet! KRISTA *groan* Back to my speech! The third stage is enlightenment. Enlightenment to all the tears, all the long lonely nights and all the suffering your ego and your selfishness and your lack of concern for the thoughts of others has caused. The enlightenment stage may bring more tears, but at the end of that rainfall there will be a rainbow. The fourth and final stage is inspiration. Where you finally become a true Muse. You will find one individual who’s going down the same path you used to be on, and you will inspire him. Inspire him to enter the four step Muse process. And when he enters, then and only then will you have graduated from Krista and Alix’s school of uh...Muses. ALIX So... KRISTA I’m not finished. There may be those of you who are questioning why we didn’t call this the four steps to becoming a better person. That’s the name I wanted. ALIX Krista now’s not the time. KRISTA See there’s a certain short little girl to the left of me who thinks ‘Muse’ is a pretty cool sounding word and she wanted to use it. Never mind the fact that in order to use it we had to add an extra stage just to get it to make sense. Let’s forget the fact that the extra stage is completely bogus and puts the burden of Musedom on us as well as the Saints. Oh no! “We have gotta call them Muses” she said! By golly she bitched and moaned until she got her way! I drove with her from Hollywood to Anaheim with her saying the same stupid whine. “I wanna name them Muses! Its always about what you want! I never get my way!” (Alix stands behind Krista rotating her index finger around her head to show that partner isn’t “all there”) KRISTA Finally I caved in and we did it her way! Even if her way went against the word’s definition, a definition that might I had was established thousands of years ago by a truly amazing empire. But that’s okay, I’m not bitter. We should all arbitrarily ignore the long standing meanings of certain words for the sake of convenience and coolness. Skulls our Muses will discombobulate you in that hammer! See I’m cool too! I can use words improperly also! ALIX Everybody just pretend you can’t hear her and maybe she’ll go away! SKULL KID THE MUSES! THE MUSES!! GET EM’ OUT HERE! NOW!! NOW!! NOW!! ALIX Awww did the poor baby loose his pacifier? My Muses will give you something to suck on.....Sorry that was lame. Boys, let’s dance! (The house lights dim to the point where they’re barley noticeable. Blue spot lights shine on the entrance stage and ramp, bathing those two areas in an aquatic glow) When the moon is in the Seventh House and jupiter aligns with Mars Then peace will guide the planets And love will steer the stars This is the dawning of the Age of AQUARIUS CABOOSE Disco? The Saints enter to disco now? How...how...wrong. How very wrong. (Synth and Logan step out onto the entrance stage. The flamboyant rock gods look a lot less, well, flamboyant. Actually they don’t look like rock stars at all. They just look like normal people. The expression on Synth’s face says a novel’s worth of words. He’s having the worst day of his life. Logan on the other hand seems to be taking this okay) COLE Actually, they look okay. I thought Alix and Krista were going to make them wear women’s underwear and give them female names. But this is okay. CABOOSE They don’t look okay! They’re ghastly, gross, nasty and downright repulsive! Cole, they look like you. ALIX Aren’t they cute? For the few of you that are blind, Logan’s sporting the always trendy look of khaki pants, black dress shoes and a light blue collared sleeveless polo shirt. Or as he once called it “The style of dress for those who’s souls are bankrupt. The fabric torture chamber. The clothes for a new generation of Nazis. The outfit for those who no longer know how to rock.” New generation of Nazis? Hitler can only wish he was so color coordinated! You go Logan! I mean is that Logan Mann, or is it Denzel Washington? I can’t tell! Oh wait yes I can, Denzel doesn’t have back acne going up to his neck. Sorry. Lay off the juice. (Logan frowns.) SKULL KID Hurry up! Hurry up! I have things to do! ALIX Hold your horses, you really should’ve gone tinkle before you came out. Now you’ll just have to hold it. Moving on to my precious lollypop. (Alix wraps her arms around Synth.) Please don’t call him Synth Esizer any more. That was his name on the physical plane. We now reside in the causal world, and there we call him Tiffany Ruutu. That’s his real name by the by so feel really free to laugh at him for having a girls name. (The crowd does.) COLE He has a name like a woman? HAHAHAHA! CABOOSE You’re one to talk. You’re thirty five years old and people still call you Mikey. (Tiffany holds his head down in defeated shame.) ALIX Tiffy, we’ll call him that for short, is looking ab-fab in the finest suit the company’s credit card can buy, and that credit card’s limit is shorter then William Hung’s shelf life. It’s an Armani suit, with classy black trousers and a chicly unbuttoned collared shirt. Tiff say’s this is the uniform of the common wage slave! But c’mon? Kunta Kinte would give his other foot for a suit like this! I’d say Tiffy looked like Tom Cruise, if Tom Cruise had a constant five o clock shadow, and an unsightly beer gut. You know those things called “Gyms”, Tiff? They’re not prisons. Try going to one. They won’t electrocute you. I digress. Skull Kid you’ve been really patient. Although you really have to be, because you can’t leave the ring until the next commercial break or else you won’t get paid. But you and the generic big guy who wrestles and acts like every other big guy in wrestling, hence the word generic can take on the Muses now. And while you’re busy doing that and the fan’s are taking a tinkle break, I’ll see if I can get Krista to talk to me again. Boys, show ‘em your moves! (Logan and Tiffany walk down the entrance ramp. Logan tries to work out some sort of strategy with his fellow Muse but Tiffany angrily shoves him away. It would appear that Tiffy is still upset at Logan taking two falls in the Almost Famous match.) ALIX Don’t you dare wrinkle that suit, Bradley! Tiffany turns back to his old lady and tosses her an icy glare. Instead of coming to blows Tiffany Ruutu and Skull Kid have a brief discussion. Their gestures are heavily animated and both men break into smiles. COACH Let the Coachster in on the joke, playa-playas CABOOSE The joke is you thinking that anyone laughs at your corny ass catch phrases. They aren’t telling jokes. They’ve worked out an agreement. Skull Kid plants a finger on Tiffy’s head and the Muse falls backwards as if he was freshly chopped tree! Kid plants his boot on his chest and Billy Silverman has little choice but to count the pin! 1 2 3 *DING DING DING DING* “BULLSHIT!” “BULLSHIT!” Ruutu stands up and he and Kid exchange handshakes. Logan shoots Tiffany a disapproving stare but can only step off the apron and return to Krista at the top of the ramp. ALIX That was cute, Tiffy! Seeing that you’re my Muse I’ll take responsibility for what you just did. Skull Kid you’ve got a match with yours truly...right now! You and I can play a little game. It’s called SQUASH! COLE Folks we’ll be back with Alix taking on Skull Kid! (Go to break) (Return from break) COACH Holla~! During the break Alix hit a top rope 360 spinning tombstone pile driver, Cole pulled a gun on me, Alix then hit 1080 splash from a 50 foot ladder, Jesus came down from the heavens and did a cover of “Been a long time” and Britney Spears came out and flashed the crowd. Sorry ya’ll missed it. Alix takes hold of Skull Kid’s arm and whips him into the corner. He stumbles towards her and she captures him with a wrist lock scoop slam! She grabs him by the back of his head and starts to bring him to his feet, but he elbows her off him! He stands up on his own free will. He locks her into the setup for the flatliner, but she simply shoves him off and he lands hard on the mat. Alix runs the ropes and rebounds back with a cartwheel moonsault splash that lands in a pin! 1 2 Kick out! Alix starts to lift Kid to his feet but again he elbows her away from him. She recovers very quickly! Alix goes to punch him but it’s blocked with a forearm. She goes to punch him again, but again he blocks it! He underhooks her arms , falls backwards and sends her flying overhead with a nice trapping suplex! BUT Alix lands on her feet! Skull Kid is on his and Alix runs forward and floors him with a Mona Lisa Smile~! She of course goes for the pin. 1 2 3! The crowd lets out a huge pop for the pinfall. But Tiffany’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach! Logan’s clapping for Alix’s victory and laughing at his partner’s backfired plan at the same time. Tiffy looks back at Alix celebrating in the ring, then back at Logan actually cheering for Alix and feels a wave of disgust come over him. Feeling like he’s about to puke on his thousand dollar suit, he storms to the back clutching his stomach. COLE I don’t think that was the outcome Skull Kid or Tiffany *snicker* Ruutu had in mind. But I can’t say I didn’t mind seeing their plan blow up in their faces! We'll be back in a few! (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Folks, welcome back to HeldDown! Now, if you're just joining us, you're in for a treat: a four-way elmination match between Drek Stone, Leon Rodez, Sly Sommers, and Hoff! COACH What a match that's gonna be, and I-- A voice offstage pipes in. VOICE Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!! The fans look around, then boo as Hoff steps out from the curtain, mic in hand. COLE Oh jeez. HOFF Now, wait just a damn minute. Hoff heads down to the ring, still talking. HOFF Cole, you know I love you, but we've got a little problem on our hands. See, when you announced the four-way tonight, you forgot to say my name first. Hoff slides in the ring as the fans rain boos down upon him. COLE What? Is he serious? Hoff gets to his feet, smiling. HOFF Now, fortunately for you, the Thrillogy is a caring, understanding, and forgiving group of individuals. So let me assist you by correcting your oversight. Hoff clears his throat. HOFF Tonight....IN THIS VERY RING...there will be a four-way, single-elimination match for the number one contendership to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, featuring the Thrillogy's own, the future, HOFF.........andthreeotherguysyoudon'tcareabout. The fans boo as Hoff laughs. COLE Oh come on. COACH Hey, it wasn't bad! COLE Would you stop? HOFF And tonight, the World Title begins its journey home, back into the loving arms of the Thrillogy. COLE This is ridiculous! This is ego-stroking of the highest order-- COACH Heh, you said "stroking." COLE Oh, jeez. Hoff smirks, soaking in the boos, before continuing. HOFF Now. Let's talk a little bit about last Sunday, shall we? The fans pop! COLE Yeah, last Sunday at AngleSlam, when you were defeated! HOFF Now, I'm a proud man, but I can admit when I'm beaten. And last Sunday, at AngleSlam, I was beaten. COLE Yeah, you were, and that's-- HOFF But I was SCREWED!! The fans jeer as Hoff looks out across the crowd, an insolent expression on his face. COLE What?!? Hoff was not screwed! HOFF Oh yes, it's true...I was robbed of my title, right in front of the damn Queen of England, and nobody did a thing about it. Look at the facts! First of all, I've consulted with our illustrious Board of Directors, and I've found out that AJ Flaire did NOT have the proper managerial clearance to be at ringside!! The fans jeer, and an "A-J' chant picks up. HOFF That's right, that's right, but did anyone stop him? No. And not only was he NOT cleared to be out at ringside, but he deliberately attacked me during the match! Can we roll footage? Hoff turns to the AngleTron as a shot of AJ taking a wild swing at Hoff with his cane plays in slow-motion. HOFF There, right there! Unprovoked and-- Hoff's words are drowned out by the livid jeers of the audience! HOFF UNPROVOKED, and illegal, and yet again, no one does anything about it! And THEN, the worst thing of all, AJ Flaire actually GRABS MY FOOT, which leads to Gunner Sharps hitting that stupid spear on me! Roll the footage! Hoff looks at the AngleTron, but nothing plays. HOFF .....can we...can we roll the tape? The AngleTron remains blank as the fans boo. HOFF Well, maybe it's not cued up, but I'm SURE that's how it happened. Hoff smiles smugly as the fans boo. COLE That's not how it happened at all! COACH I dunno, maybe it did, you don't know! COLE Yes I do!! We were there! HOFF And, just for the record...I mean, I didn't want to say anything, but going into the match on Sunday, I did in fact have four broken ribs. COLE WHAT?! HOFF That's right, and my doctors tell me that that is the only reason Gunner was able to pin me with his little spear that he does. If I had three broken ribs, no problem. But as it turns out, I had four. But, being the fighting champion that I am, I went out and defended my title in the face of peril. Hoff nods his head as the fans continue to boo him out of the building. COLE This is ridiculous. Hoff doesn't have any broken ribs! COACH Well...maybe he does! Who knows? COLE Please. HOFF So Gunner......enjoy your ill-begotten 24/7 Title, because I'm moving on to bigger and better things. But, don't forget, you know and I know that you cheated to get that belt, and you know what they say: what goes around, comes around. Hoff smiles and drops the mic, and leaves the ring as "Black" kicks in over the arena speakers. COLE Wait, what the hell does that mean? Is Hoff going to get involved in Gunner's title match tonight? COACH Guess we'll just have to wait and see! Back in a few. (GO TO BREAK)

Pinfalls suck. Submissions are the language of progress. Know this.

HOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Good show. I think it was much better then AM III. I got a chance to read all the matches. Several times in some cases. Zack, you left feedback! How thoughtful and unsolicited. Random thoughts: -Leon Rodez reminds me of a GPX you can bring home to mom. The kind of GPX who won’t make your dad get his shotgun. Patty likes the humorous direction of his character. -I wrote the 10 grand match in fifteen minutes. It reads like it to. -Zack wrote a quality main event! The storyline behind his and Crystal’s feud was wonderfully done. However I was surprised that Zack’s entire reign consisted of a feud with one person. I would hope his ranting and raving lunatic character doesn’t go away now that he’s lost the belt. Although now that he’s dropped it he has nothing to obsess over. -Judas Vs Cain was a good match. Their contest was sort of secondary to Edwards Vs Edwards, but it stood well on its own. It would have been easy for Parka to slack off on the match (that’s what I would’ve done!) but he put together a nice piece of writing. -Great TLC match! I thought GPX fighting their way off the stretchers and making it back to the ring was an excellent bit. It made them look like gutsy faces. -You’ll all be very disappointed when you find out what a Muse is. -You’ll all be very disappointed when there isn’t any follow up on the 10 grand match this HD~! I regret making that stipulation already.

Leave feedback or I'll cut your balls off. If you don't have balls then leave feedback anyway! I'll have some on Friday. Feedback that is. Not balls. Thanks for doing the preview, Hoff.

From London, England! Have everything to Tony149 by the afternoon of the show, Sunday, August 29th. SURVIVE OR SURRENDER OAOAST CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH -- Received Crystal vs. Zack Malibu © TLC TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH -- Received Black T vs. GPX vs. NNMX © BARBED WIRE PERGATORY -- Received Sly Sommers vs. Calvin Szechstein FOUR WAY TAG MATCH -- Received Bryants vs. RAS vs. Frankensteiners vs. Skull Kid & Skull Mask 24/7 TITLE MATCH -- Received Hoff © vs. Gunner ALMOST FAMOUS MATCH -- Received Chicks Over Dicks vs. The Saints CAGE MATCH -- Panther vs Chris Bryte X-TITLE MATCH Rick Edwards vs. J. Arthur Edwards -- Received Judas vs. Christopher Cain -- Received Drek Stone vs. Leon Rodez -- Received The Mad Cappa vs. Stephen Joseph -- Received

La card: SURVIVE OR SURRENDER OAOAST CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Crystal vs. Zack Malibu © TLC TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Black T vs. GPX vs. NNMX © BARBED WIRE PERGATORY Sly Sommers vs. Calvin Szechstein TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR FOUR WAY TAG CHALLENGE MATCH (The winner gets Ten grand.) Bryants vs. The Tethers vs. Frankensteiners vs. Skull Kid & Skull Mask 24/7 TITLE MATCH Hoff © vs. Gunner ALMOST FAMOUS MATCH Chicks Over Dicks vs. The Saints CAGE MATCH Panther vs Chris Bryte X-TITLE MATCH Rick Edwards vs. J. Arthur Edwards Judas vs. Christopher Cain Drek Stone vs. Leon Rodez The Mad Cappa vs. Stephen Joseph

Not for nothin, never happened, but you be forever mackin'. Anywho, the Skulls will say something to Chicks Over Dicks and will most likely find their underwear hanging on the flagpole as a result.

Hoff, Adam and Tony get to keep their balls. A pretty good show. There were some funny quotes in the Rick Shirley match. The "diva search" could lead to some funny moments. Zack did a wonderful job in killing off the Northstar character for me. The segment between all the main tag teams at the end came off well. Hells Hitmen scaring the little kids on the school bus and then powerwalking after the bus got a kick out of me.

(Return from break) COACH Coming up is our huge main event of the evening, as we'll see two friends collide in Sly Sommers and Crystal. But before we go into that, we've just been sent a message from the Board of Directors through our production truck, with some HUGE news! COLE Next week on this program, whoever wins the main event at Angleslam will not have much time to rest, as somehow, the new number one contender will be decided in some sort of match, and it will NOT involve the loser of the Angleslam Submit or Surrender match! COACH That's HUGE! Now, here we go, our main event as we head into Angleslam this Sunday night. Due to losing a "Losers Become Opponents" tag team match last week to Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein of the Thrillogy, Crystal and Sly Sommers, who have become quite close as of late, will have to square off one-on-one here tonight. DUDE Hey, this is your totally random color commentator, selected to replace Caboose even though this was written...I mean, taped with him already in. Anyway, these two are actually one-to-one in their unofficial series of matches against each other, as Crystal beat Sly in the often-forgotten Bayside Death Match back a year ago, and Sly defeated Crystal in the first round of the 2004 Super X Cup this past February. COLE Both have changed so much since then, in both their personalities and ring styles. Speaking of ring styles, apparantly Crystal has a new variation on her finisher, calling it the Edgeucator, with it being much like Edge's Figure Four Edgelock, a Sharpshooter while hooking the opponent's arms, which is sometimes called the Edgeucator, I guess. COACH Can't you see what is happening here? The Thrillogy is pitting these two against each other to both weaken them for Sunday's huge matches AND to weaken their bond. Divide and conquer. DUDE No, no, no....the Thrillogy want to see this match in the interest of athletic competition. COLE ...and the fact that these two will go full-tilt against each other and might be too worn out to be at one-hundred percent this Sunday night. COACH Whatever...let's go to the ring! ("Gimme Back My Bullets" starts up, and Sly Sommers comes out to a good pop. He plays it up for a second before going around and slapping hands with fans in the front row.) BUFFER The following is your HeldDOWN~! main event of the evening! Introducing first, from Bayside, California...weighing in tonight at 196 pounds...he is Sly Sommers! COLE Sly Sommers doesn't seem to be as out-and-out psyched out for this match as he usually is. DUDE Maybe he's taking Crystal lightly... COACH I doubt it; I think he respects her as an athlete just as much, if not more than most OAOAST wrestlers. ("Set It Off" then starts playing, and Crystal comes out to a HUGE pop. After soaking it up for a few seconds, she too goes around and slaps hands.) BUFFER And his opponent...from Coquitlam, British Columbia...weighing in tonight at 150 pounds....she is "The Female Phenom" Crystal! COLE Maybe I was wrong...maybe they've both agreed to just loosen up and let things be for this match. *DING**DING* Both competitors pop their wrists and necks in their corners before coming to mid-ring and shaking hands. Both then back away and circle around the ring, clapping their hands as the crowd starts clapping along in unison to get behind both competitors. Sly and Crystal then dive in and they both lock up. They struggle mid-ring until Sly drops down to his knees to get leverage before forcing Crystal into a neutral corner. He backs off and gives her a clean break. They both come out of the corner to circle around mid-ring before locking up again. This time, Crystal gets under Sly for leverage and forces him into a corner. She then backs off and gives him a clean break. COLE Both competitors are showing nice sportsmanship in the early going. Both wrestlers come out of the corner once again and lock up center-ring. They struggle in the middle of the ring before both drop down at the same time for leverage. They continue the struggle while on their knees before bending over while on their knees for any leverage advantage possible. Crystal then gives one big boost of power, but she gives too much as she ends up slipping out of grip. Sly takes advantage by holding Crystal's head down and rising to his feet. The crowd boos until he holds his hand out to help her up. She accepts and pulls herself up. DUDE Let's stop with all the lovey-dovey sportsmanship crap and get to some fightin'! Both competitors then lock up center-ring again. They both end up working their way down to their knees for a leverage advantage again. But this time, Crystal is able to slip under and aside Sly to send him down to the mat face-first. She rises up and helps to pull him up. Both wrestlers slap hands as a sign of sportsmanship before going for a Greco-Roman knucklelock. They carefully lock fingers on one side before reaching up and slowly, but cautiously doing the same with the other hand. Sly powers her down, but she bridges. She is then able to power her way back onto her feet. COLE I could make a lame joke about Crystal not being "held down" here, but I won't. Crystal then locks her ankle around Sly's near ankle and powers him over. But, he bridges over as well, and slowly powers his way back to his feet. Sly then lifts one foot to push down on Crystal's left hand until she lets go of his right hand before twisting around, dropping Crystal's right hand, and bringing her over and down with a side headlock takedown. Sly quickly backs off and rises to his feet to shake off his left wrist. COACH If this were an amateur match, that'd be, what, two points for Sly? COLE Hell if I know...I just call this fak...I mean, "sports entertainment" stuff. Sly lets Crystal rise to her feet, as she even applauds him for a second on his takedown. Both wrestlers then lock up again, and Sly locks in a headlock. Sly brings her over with another side headlock takedown. He cranks down on the side headlock on the mat before Crystal lifts her legs and pulls Sly into a side headscissors. Sly can't manage to pull his head out, so he rolls backwards and onto his feet so that she's on her chest. Sly then powers his arms into the headscissors to pry apart her legs before shoving them down to the mat and hopping onto his rear end to lock in another side headlock. DUDE I hate the guy, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that one before. Sly cranks down on her head and neck for a few seconds before Crystal hooks Sly's upper leg and turns him over for a pin attempt... 1... Sly rolls back down on his rear end with the headlock intact. Sly cranks down on the hold again, but Crystal again hooks his upper leg and brings him over to a pinning predicament... 1... Sly rolls back to a side headlock position. Crystal then curves her legs so that she's horizontally lying down behind Sly instead of her legs behind directly behind her. She then slowly squeezes her head out before hooking his far arm with her legs and using the near arm to bring him over for a crucifix pin... 1... 2..kickout. COLE That was barely a two-count, as neither is even close to being worn down this early. I think she was using the position as an escape, and happened to be able to pin Sly with it. Both competitors then rise to their feet for a polite applause. They then lock up again in center-ring. Sly tries to slide Crystal into a headlock yet again, but she drops down to avoid it and goes behind to lock in a reverse waistlock. Sly can't figure an escape, so he reaches back to grab her. But, doing that left him open for Crystal to send him down to the mat with a single-leg takedown. She then wrenches his left ankle while standing up, as the crowd politely applauds again. COACH You can tell, from even this early on, that she's going to soften up Sly's legs to make sure that she can easily apply the Edgeucator. Sly tries reaching up to attempt to break her clutch on his ankle, but can't. He then spins over onto his stomach as she holds on, and crosses his legs in a "4" formation. He then pushes down with his bent, free leg to bend the leg that she has ahold of, and pull her into a headlock from a kneeling position, which elicits an applause from the rather smark-like audience. Sly rises to his feet as he keeps ahold of the side headlock. Crystal can't get out, so she tries shoving Sly off to the ropes. But, he pivot-steps, and switches arms to keep the headlock applied, as the crowd applauds again. COLE The headlock strategy works in two ways, as that hold both wears down the opponent, as well as weakens her neck, obviously setting up the Cravateface. Crystal struggles to get out for another seven-eight seconds, but can't. So, she reaches down and sends Sly down to the mat stomach-first with a reverse single-leg takedown. She then turns him over using the leg, and goes back to the standing ankle twist, which the crowd applauds. Sly again can't reach up, and Crystal has her feet planted firmly on the mat. So, Sly tilts himself onto his upper back while holding his free leg in mid-air before kipping up onto one foot, as she holds onto his ankle. He then rolls forward and flips her using the ankle that she's been twisting, as the crowd applauds the clever move. DUDE You know, all of these "smart marks" around us are really starting to annoy me with their applauding of all this technical dry-humping crap. Both athletes are up, as a faint "Let's Go Sly!" chant starts up. From the other side, a slightly louder "Let's Go Crystal" chant follows. Pretty soon, two large groups of fans start to battle-chant each other, one cheering for Sommers and the other for Crystal. "LET'S GO SLY!" "LET'S GO CRYSTAL!" "LET'S GO SLY!" "LET'S GO CRYSTAL!" Sly even starts to play it up, as both athletes are now standing and circling around, looking for their next move. COACH It's safe to say that our crowd is split 50-50 between these two fan favorites. Crystal then dives in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Sly grabs her near arm. He tries to bring her down by it, an obvious transitional move into the Cravateface. But, she plants her feet firmly in the mat and can't be taken down. She then reaches out and grabs Sly's leg to trip him down to the mat. She then plants her leg in and crosses Sly's legs around it, going for the Edgeucator. She turns it over, but forgets her ring positioning, as she turns him right into the ropes, and is forced to break it once again. COLE Both competitors made crucial mistakes here, as I think the excitement in the crowd caused them to want to go for their big moves early. The problem with that is, neither is worn down NEARLY enough to be put in either hold, let alone submit to it. She gives a clean break, and lets Sly get to his feet. We can see both competitors mouth "good move" to each other, as they again cautiously go around center-ring, readying themselves for the next move. Crystal sticks her hand out for another Greco-Roman knucklelock. Sly slowly sticks his hand out to lock hands. He then cautiously locks his fingers with hers, but then pulls her in by the hand and locks in a cravate, twisting her neck. She struggles to get out of the hold as he cranks down even harder. She can't escape, so she rolls forward, with the momentum freeing her head as she rolls onto her feet. She then slides between Sly's open legs and scores with a reverse legsweep before wrapping her leg around Sly's as he lies on his stomach and locking in a stepover toehold (leg-based portion of the STF). COLE We rarely get to see anything of this nature in this promotion, as most of the time, the matches break out into brawls or one side cheats to maintain an advantage early. But, I've got to say, from a purist's vantage point, I'm lovin' this! DUDE You, a purist? ::laughs:: Crystal leans forward to apply more pressure to the shin and ankle, and pushes down on Sly's hamstring, squeezing it in different directions with her hands, to attack the whole leg. That actually becomes a crucial mistake, as Sly reaches back with his left arm and grabs the arm that's pushing down on his hamstring. He then reaches back and gets a slight grip on her arm with his other hand before pulling her onto the mat stomach-first and freeing himself from the hold before immediately going into a front chancery (front facelock with arm hooked) while lying on the mat on his stomach. COACH That's exactly how good these two are, that they can't leave themselves open even THAT slightly, or else they'll pay for it later. Crystal tries pushing and twisting out of the hold, but Sly has it locked in firmly and is planted on the mat. So, she goes onto her tippy-toes and basically forms a vertically-pointing curve with her body. She then plants her free hand on the mat and rolls forward, barely escaping the chancery. She quickly grabs Sly's leg and hooks it around her own to go back to the stepover toehold. COLE It looks like both athletes are trying to find a rather basic move that they can keep locked in and apply pain to their targetted body parts for lengthened parts of time. She doesn't push down on his hamstring this time, so he can't grab anything as he reaches back. She slightly stands on her free leg's tippy-toes to apply more pressure. Sly then twists around and snaps forward his free leg to send Crystal down on her stomach with an inverted drop toe hold-type manuever. Sly goes for another headlock, but Crystal works her way up to her feet quickly and sweeps Sly off of his feet and back onto his stomach. She then stands with one foot on the back of his knee, grabs his foot on the same leg, and snaps back to fall, pulling and twisting the ankle and shin! COACH That could not have been pleasant for Sly's leg! DUDE Come on...hit him in the (bleep) already! She then holds Sly's leg out so that it's not bending, and holds it down to the mat. She then does a headstand on his leg. She hops up using her hands and comes down with a completely vertical headbutt onto the side of his knee. He rolls over while holding his leg, but we see her rolling to the side, holding her neck. COLE It looks as if, when she came down with the vertical headbutt, that she jammed her neck with all of her own body weight coming directly down on her neck and head. She slowly rises to her feet while holding her neck, as he had rolled outside of the ring and is shaking his leg off from the pain thus far. He then rolls back into the ring and gets up. Once again, they pace around center-ring, trying to position themselves to make the next move. She then dives after his leg, but he drops down and puts her in a front facelock. COACH It's almost as if he put his targetted leg out for her as bait, and she took it! Sly hooks her arm and turns her onto her back while keeping her head hooked. He lies on her for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Sly then turns her over on her stomach as he lies on his, keeping ahold of the front facelock. Sly then works his way up to his feet, keeping ahold of her head and neck while cranking down. When he gets to a full standing position, he quickly twists around and brings her down with a snapmare. Sly then drops down to his knees and locks in a rear chinlock on a sitting Crystal. Crystal struggles as Sly clamps down on the hold. COLE The rear chinlock: one of the most basic holds in wrestling, but still damn effective. Crystal tries squeezing her head out and turning over, but can do neither because of Sly's grip on her. She then grabs onto Sly's arm with both hands and bridges herself up to her feet. Sly has no choice but to rise with her, but can't keep ahold of her and she escapes. She then hops up, hooks Sly's leg as he stands behind her, and brings him down on his stomach with a legscissors roll into an achilles lock (pushing up on toe of boot to hurt achilles tendon). COACH That was shades of Ken Shamrock, someone whose name I'd never thought I'd be bringing up here on HeldDOWN~!. Sly struggles for the ropes, but is nowhere near them. So, he turns over and ends up turning her on her stomach and breaking the hold in the process. He then leans forward to lock in the stepover toehold, and hooks her chin to complete the STF. Crystal reaches outward, and starts crawling with her hands, until she scores with a rope break. COLE It looks like Sly is fighting fire with fire, using the stepover toehold that Crystal has been utilizing in this contest, and taking it one step further to attack her neck. Crystal gets to her feet slower than Sly does, and ends up paying for it. When she turns around to face him, he's able to reach over her and butterfly her arms. He then brings her over with a double-underhook suplex, and bridges with it for a pin.... 1... 2... Crystal gets her shoulder off of the mat. Sly then rolls back and locks in a Butterfly Lock. He pushes down on Crystal's neck with his armpit with the hold, until she twists over and is able to escape. He ends up on his stomach, and she quickly manuevers herself near his legs. She hooks his legs in Indian Deathlock position before hooking her leg over the leg that's outstretched in the formation. She then bridges backwards and hooks his arms. She turns the entire thing over, pinning Sly onto his shoulders (ala Molly Holly's old Twin City Bridge while in WCW)... 1... 2... Kickout. When kicking out, Sly flattens the hold out and ends up with a Figure Four Leglock being applied on him by accident. Sly crawls away quickly and grabs the ropes to get out. Crystal gives him a clean break, as he pulls himself up with the ropes. Both competitors don't waste time going to center-ring, as they lock up once again immediately. She goes for a bodyslam on him, but he hooks her head and brings her over with a snapmare as she tries to slam him down to the mat. COLE I will say this about Sly: he's one of the most defensive-minded wrestlers to come around the block in a long, long while. He then goes for another seated chinlock. But, she sees it coming and is able to scoot to the side. She hooks Sly from the side as she rises to her feet. She then brings him down with a side Russian legsweep before hooking Sly's legs around hers and ending up with an angled Nagatalock (Figure Four variation where attacker pushes down opponent's leg with bottom of boot instead of hooking it under the vertical leg of opponent). DUDE I'm about ready to fall asleep with all of this scientifical crap. Sly wards off Crystal's attempts to shove him away, and reaches in to try and pull his legs out from the hold. He has to shove her legs away and scoot himself away to avoid her blocking his attempts, but he eventually makes an escape with his hands. He keeps ahold of her leg and pulls her closer to him. He then lunges at her and locks in a Tazzmission on the mat. She slowly tries to work her way up and out of the hold. About fifteen seconds of her succeeding at getting to her feet causes Sly to go for a bodyscissors to keep her down. But, she grabs his hurt leg and falls down on her side to crush it. He lets go of the hold due to the pain. COACH She doesn't weigh much for a person, but one-hundred and fifty pounds will still hurt a body part quite a bit. She then holds his leg down on the mat with both hands, as she gets to her feet. She then does a slight headstand on the leg, and comes down with a kneedrop onto his injured leg. She does another slight headstand, and connects with a second kneedrop. She does a third slight headstand, and nails a third straight kneedrop to the leg. COLE She's again using her own body weight to crush her target... DUDE ...just like all women! COACH Shut up and appreciate this match, will you? Crystal attempts to set something up by wrapping Sly's targeted leg around her far leg, but Sly gets his free leg up and wraps that around Crystal's upper thighs. He then shifts his weight and sends her down to the mat on her back, in a horizontal bodyscissors pinning predicament (re: RVD in Smackdown 5)... 1... 2... Crystal rolls all of the way through while keeping ahold of Sly's foot. She then locks in an anklelock. Sly slowly pushes himself up with his hands while grunting from the pain of the anklelock. Sly then hooks his free leg underneath Crystal's armpit and rolls through for a victory roll-like cradle... 1... 2... Kickout. Both competitors come back up, and Crystal goes for Sly's leg. But, he steps over her with his free leg, spins around, and brings her over with an Oklahoma Roll... 1.. 2.. Kickout. But, in kicking out, Crystal accidentally positions herself perfectly for a Crossface, which Sly locks in. Crystal tries getting to the ropes, but he has it locked in in center-ring. So, she slowly scoots herself over, eventually working herself in a sitting position beside Sly as he keeps her head hooked. She then hooks his leg and brings him down for a pin... 1... 2... Sly reverses by bringing her over into a crucifix... 1... 2... Kickout. Crystal lands on her stomach when she kicks out, and Sly immediately manuevers himself, butterflies her arms, and turns her over into a Butterfly Lock. He cranks down, as the camera can pick up on her screaming in pain. Sly leans down and yells at the referee to check to see if she will submit, but she shakes her head "no". Sly then places her head down on the mat and locks in a side headlock, trapping her arm in between his legs. COLE Smart move there by Sommers, trapping her arm so that she cannot reverse the hold so easily. Crystal can't make an escape, so she works her way up to her knees, trying to get to her feet. He keeps her head and arm trapped, as she slowly makes a successful attempt at getting to a standing position. She escapes the headlock, but her arm's still trapped with him down on the mat. But, Crystal repositions herself while standing, hooks his legs around, and goes for the Texas Cloverleaf. DUDE I didn't think those Ca-schmucks liked Texas all that much... She tries turning the hold both ways, desperately trying to get him over onto his stomach. But, he won't let her turn him. He then scoots backwards as she has ahold of his legs, and grabs the middle rope. As the referee starts the rope break count, he grabs onto the top rope and pulls himself up to a sitting position on the top rope. He then shoves her off of him using his legs. COLE That was rather creative. Sly then hops back down to a standing position, but is using the top rope to assist him in walking, as Crystal's legwork looks to have had its toll on him. Crystal gets up and walks towards him. She yanks on his leg as he grabs onto the top rope for dear life. She finally yanks him off and nails a dragon screw legwhip. She then immediately locks in a legbar. DUDE You know, I didn't think friends tried to rip other friends' legs off. Sly reaches out for the ropes to break the hold, but can't grasp them. So, he starts shoving at Crystal's hands and arms to try and get her to release the hold. He completely breaks the grip on her right arm, and scoots away quickly to escape fully. She goes after him again, as he crawls away from her. But, she walks into his trap, as he brings her in with a small package... 1... 2... Kickout. Sly keeps ahold of her and immediately locks in a front choke as soon as Crystal kicks out. Crystal tries reaching out for some sort of rope break, but can't. She then takes advantage of Sly not being able to scissors her body, and turns herself and Sly over. She then bridges up to pin him in Northern Lights fashion... 1... 2... Kickout. Sly lets go of Crystal's head as she kicks out, allowing Crystal to roll backwards and hook the hurt leg. She then turns it over into a half-crab. Sly pushes himself upward and tries reaching out to the ropes, but she pulls him closer to center-ring. Sly retaliates by hooking his free leg underneath her far armpit. He then powers up with his legs, and flips her over into a Thesz Press-style pin.... 1... 2... Crystal literally slides out of the predicament by hooking his inner thighs and going feet-first between his legs until she's completely out. She keeps ahold of the hurt leg and locks in an anklelock. Sly screeches in pain as he works his way up to one foot. She keeps it locked in as he makes one hop and grabs onto the top rope with both hands. He then hooks his free ankle and foot around the back of Crystal's neck, and swings himself around to bring her over with an inverted flying headscissors. COACH Sommers is having to get creative with his escapes, as he's not being able to keep up with Crystal by traditional means. Both competitors come to their feet, and Sly limps over to Crystal. He ducks down into a go-behind, which he then uses to go into a schoolboy... 1... 2... Kickout. She rolls over onto all fours via proxy after kicking out, and immediately goes after Sly's legs. Sly hooks onto her head, and they struggle for supremacy on the mat before falling back into the ropes, as the referee orders them both to seperate. COLE This is starting to get a bit heated here. Both seperate, and rise to their feet with Sly having to use the ropes to assist for his hurt leg. Crystal rubs her own neck for a second, as both stare down one another in preparation for their next move. They then both quickly lunge in for a quick gripping on a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Sly then bases his good leg behind Crystal and forces her down on the mat. He then does a headstand on her hands, but when he comes back down, she immediately wraps her leg around his. COACH She's just about like a shark seeing red when it comes to that leg. She then forces him down on his chest beside her. She pushes herself to a kneeling position on his leg, and then wraps her near ankle and shin around his hurt ankle and shin, while facing away from him. She then bridges back and hooks his neck in a chinlock, before turning the hold over and completeing the Mutolock. But, about five seconds into the hold, Sly reaches back himself and cranks up on her chin himself. COLE Turnabout is fair play, folks. Sly then tilts himself around until he can get the hold turned over, with himself on bottom. Both wrestlers keep cranking on one-another's chins and necks, as Crystal shifts her weight and flips the move over once more. They keep cranking down on one another, and Sly's bad leg is still being cranked on, as he turns the move over once more. But, they land in the ropes and have to break. DUDE They looked like a four-armed war veteran rolling around in there...you know, an old fart that got his legs blasted off in the war. COACH Will you stop it? Both competitors come to their feet, and they're really starting to show worse for the wear. They lock up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Crystal then performs a go-behind into a waistlock into a legsweep, but Sly sticks his hands out so that he doesn't fall on the mat before pushing himself back up to a standing position and bending down to sweep Crystal off of her feet from the side. He then hooks her ankles under his armpits while facing away, and turns it over into a reverse Boston Crab. COLE I rarely question these wrestlers, me being untrained myself, but why in the hell is he not sticking on working over that neck? He tries hooking her hands to create a Pendulum, but she keeps her hands spread out so that he can't reach them. She then pushes down off of the mat, and is able to flip him over into a prawn hold pin (ala Owen Hart)... 1.. 2... Kickout. When Sly kicks out, he leaves his leg wide open. Crystal takes advantage of that, as she immediately transitions into a kneeling Brocklock. Sly squeals in pain, reaching out for anything he can. He eventually uses mind over matter, as he lifts his free leg up and uses it to pull Crystal down into a side headscissors. She tries bridging for an escape, but Sly reaches out and shoves down on her stomach to keep her down. Crystal then reaches out and grabs Sly's hurt ankle, and starts to twist on it. Sly quickly lets go of the headscissors in pain. COACH Very primistic and obvious, but it's effective. Crystal keeps ahold of Sly's leg as she gets to her feet, and then applies a spinning toe hold. She repeatedly cranks on the ankle, attempting to get Sly to submit to it. But, after the eighth crank, she accidentally leans in too far, with Sly reacting immediately by pulling her in for a small package... 1... 2... Kickout. Both competitors come back up, and Sly lifts her for a slam. But, his leg gives out on him and he falls back into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... Kickout. Crystal pulls her hair out of her face after the failed pin attempt, as Sly crawls away on his BUTT to the corner. Crystal sees Sly, gets to her feet, and charges at him. But, he reaches up to the top rope, and does a revers flip pull to bring himself to a seated position on the top turnbuckle as Crystal rams her shoulder and the side of her neck into the ringpost. Sly then rolls downward and brings Crystal over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout. When kicking out, Crystal rolls backwards onto her feet, and grabs Sly's feet. She then tries to go for the Edgeucator (Figure Four Edgelock, aka Sharpshooter with arms hooked). She twists the legs, but Sly hooks her near ankle quickly, and trips her onto her back. Sly then spins himself over on his stomach, in essence spinning Crystal onto her stomach. Sly then pops up to a seated position, with his leg hooked around Crystal's, and grabs Crystal's head for an STF. COACH I'm surprised Sly's going for a move like the STF with his injured leg, as he could re-aggrivate it real quick with it bent like that. Crystal screams in pain as Sly cranks back on her neck, which he's targetted for the entire match. She reaches out in pain before scooting over slightly and grabbing the bottom rope. Sly lets go quickly, and gets to his feet, albeit still limping around. Crystal pulls herself up using the ropes, and clutches at her neck the entire time. Both competitors then meet up in the ring with a front waistlock lock-up, just clutching on for something on their opponent. COLE This is something rarely seen in the pro ranks of wrestling, but can often be seen in sumo, believe it or not. Both competitors try to go low for a leverage advantage, but neither succeds. Finally, Sly gets both of his arms underneath Crystal's, and is able to go for a belly-to-belly suplex lift. But in mid-move, Crystal changes the direction of her body and is able to turn it into a reverse legscissors sweep (much like she used to transition into the anklelock earlier), twists Sly's legs up as he goes down on his face, and locks in a reverse figure four leglock, as the crowd heavily applauds this hold. COACH I cannot believe how quickly Crystal was able to manuever herself there, as she brought down Sly after that reversal lightning-quick, and the weaving of his legs was unreal in its speed. Sly audibly screams in pain as she clinches the hold. Sly reaches out, but cannot get himself to any of the ropes. He then puts his hand in the air, as a light "Tap!" chant starts up. He teases tapping, as he even wiggles his fingers in pain. COLE This could be it! He slowly moves his hand down before.... CABOOSE The wimp boy's gonna give it up! ...he plants it down on the mat, and turning it over to put himself in a seated position with Crystal on her stomach. He then reaches in and unweaves their legs before crawling forward while keeping ahold of Crystal, and hooks her arms in a double chicken wing, pushing the top of his skull into her neck to apply pressure to his target. COACH A version of this hold has made greats like Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair give it up in World Title situations...it might be able to do in Crystal. Sly even balances one foot in the air to put more weight on Crystal's neck. But, she refuses to give up. Sly's impatience does him in, as he then straddles himself onto Crystal, goes into a squatting position while putting her arms over his legs, and locks in a camel clutch. Crystal muffles in pain until grabbing onto Sly's fingers and attempting to break his clutch on her chin. CABOOSE Can we just end this boring crap? COLE Just leave, will you? DUDE Nah. Sly struggles to keep his fingers locked, but eventually slips after the sweat on his hands from the strenuous match gets too much. But, he immediately goes to his "plan B", as he tucks her head down and rolls her onto her shoulders for a Gedoh Clutch pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE That was close! Sly gets to his feet after the kickout, and pulls Crystal up in a front facelock. He then goes for a DDT, but she catches his legs as he falls back and rolls into a jackknife pinning combination... 1... 2... Kickout! Crystal keeps ahold of Sly's hurt leg as she gets to her feet before crossing the legs and turning him over into the Haas of Pain! COACH If she can't get him with this, she's still working over every body part that the Edgeucator damages, and therefore is helping her chances of victory if this hold doesn't work. Sly grits his teeth in pain as she pushes his legs inward. Sly then turns himself over to counter, with his arms hooked around Crystal's arm. He then pushes up off of the mat and brings her over with an inverted hurricanrana on her arm. Both competitors come back up, and Sly brings Crystal with an armdrag. He keeps ahold of the arm and hooks her head. He then pops off of the mat slightly and nails a mini-version of the One Hit Wonder (reverse swinging neckbreaker)! COLE He's weakened the neck enough that executing the move even that slightly might get him the win. Sly then covers her and hooks the leg.... 1... 2... Kickout! Sly keeps ahold of Crystal's head during the pin, and is immediately able to convert into a Dragon Sleeper. Crystal starts to pump her arm in the air to get the crowd behind her in this time of need, and they clap along with every time Crystal pumps her arm up. The crowd's support helps to give her the energy to bridge up to her feet. She then whips herself around, and is then able to walk up the ropes. When she gets to the top rope, she pushes off and causes Sly to fall, with her landing on top for the cover... 1... 2.... Kickout! Crystal holds her neck as she gets up, and notices that Sly had rolled himself on his stomach. She immediately goes for his legs, and attempts to lock in the Edgeucator. But, as she tries turning him over, he rolls himself back and brings her over in an inverted monkey flip. He then rolls back, grabs her arm to turn her over, hooks it between his legs, and goes for the Cravateface! COACH This could be it! But, as Sly tries to lock on the cravate, Crystal rolls forward and away. But, as she rolls through, Sly keeps ahold of her arm and rolls with her. He tries hooking her for something, but she twists it around and brings him over for a backslide... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Crystal immediately pulls Sly up after that, and goes for a fisherman's suplex. But, Sly blocks it, and rolls her through for an inside cradle (small package variation).... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Crystal gets all of the way to her feet after that, but Sly stays on his knees. Crystal grabs his arm for something, but Sly pulls her into a fireman's carry takeover. He then bridges over her prone body for a pin atttempt... 1... 2... Kickout! Sly pulls Crystal up by the arm. He then goes for an Irish whip. But, she twists around in mid-whip, keeps ahold of Sly's arm, and pulls him into a spear! Crystal goes for the cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! She gets to her feet and puts her leg in between Sly's legs. She then makes sure that Sly's hurt leg is right behind her, and snaps back with it, possibly pulling his hamstring in the process. Crystal pulls Sly to his feet and sets him up in a corner. She then props his bad leg up on the middle rope, and walks to center-ring. She then charges at Sly, but Sly lifts his other leg and slides in between the ropes to the apron, as Crystal crashes into the ringpost with her shoulder and neck. COACH I hope she learns soon that fighting steel makes you a loser every time. She then falls onto her back. Sly grabs onto the top rope with both hands, and slingshots him over the top rope, hitting a splash on her as he lands. Sly then hooks the leg for the cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE This is becoming "Desperation City", as now both competitors are going for the win relentlessly, as the pace picked up big-time in the past couple of minutes. Sly pulls her up, and does the "thumb across throat" signal to the crowd. "LET'S GO SLY!" "LET'S GO CRYSTAL!" "LET'S GO SLY!" "LET'S GO CRYSTAL!" Sly then lifts Crystal on his back, going for the Sommerset (Piggyback stunner). But, the added weight causes his leg to give out, and both competitors go crashing to the mat. COACH This may be the opportunity that Crystal needs to win this contest. Both competitors crawl around on the mat, exhausted and hurt. They then see each other, and perform a collar-and-elbow tie-up on their knees. They slowly rise to their feet, still tied up. Sly then slips his arm over Crystal's neck and slams her down face-first on the mat with a standing bulldog. Sly sees his positioning, and immediately hooks her arm between his legs...and applies the Cravateface! COLE This is it! I don't see her lasting much longer now! Crystal screams in pain and pumps her fist in the air again, as we hear scattered claps and "Tap!" chants. She reaches out for something... DUDE I can't believe how stupid she is; there's no ropes around her. COLE It's called "being hopeful". DUDE I'm "hopeful" that this match ends soon... ...before placing her hand on the mat, and pushing up with it. Sly's eyes become huge, as he tries to force her back down on the mat while keeping the hold applied. Both competitors slowly get to a standing position, as Sly still cranks down on the neck. She slowly pulls her head out before slipping away. She then pulls her arm out from his legs, and hooks his arms to bring him over with a backslide... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Sly rolls backwards and onto his feet in a bent position, but Crystal immediately pops up and brings him over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Both come to their feet a little slower than before. When they do, Crystal charges at Sly, but Sly barely launches himself over her and brings her over with a sunset flip of his own... 1... 2... Crystal rolls forward to reverse and cradle for the pin.... 1.... 2.... Sly tries bridging out, and gets about half-way up before his knee gives out and he falls back down... 1.... 2.... Sly turns Crystal over on her stomach at the last second. He pulls her up with her head positioned between his legs. He then crosses her arms over her lower chest, obviously going for the Slyledriver. He lifts her, but out of nowhere, someone rushes into the ring and bashes Sly over the back with a chair. It's CALVIN! COLE What in the HELL is this? DUDE Ha ha...boys, feast your eyes on how a real man takes care of a job like this! The camera then catches Zack Malibu rush into the ring, and he starts putting the boots to Crystal! *DING**DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, due to outside interference, this match is a no-contest! Zack pulls Crystal over in a corner and chokes her with his boot, as Calvin repeatedly takes turns stomping and/or slamming a chair down on Sly. COACH Damn it! We were on our way to seeing a potential Match of the Year candidate; wrestling in its purest form. But then, the "goon squad" came out and had to ruin it for all of us! CABOOSE Shut the hell up! This is a brilliant plan! Have these two jerkwards wear each other out within an inch of their lives, and then jump in for the kill! Neither Sly nor Crystal's gonna have anything left for this Sunday, and the Thrillogy will once again reign supreme! Calvin tosses the chair over to Zack, who then chokes Crystal with the edge of it. Calvin then pulls a large bag out from outside of his coat, and he opens it to reveal barbed wire! COLE What's the meaning of this? Calvin then wraps Sly's neck with it before grabbing the two ends of the barbed wire roll and pulling them tighter, as he chokes Sly with the barbed wire! COACH He could kill him here! SOMEONE save him! Zack pulls Crystal out of the corner and onto her feet as the choking continues. He then hooks her head and leg, lifts her, and drops her with the P.O.P. Drop! Zack keeps ahold of her on the mat and says something to Calvin. Calvin nods, so Zack gets up and lifts her by the head and leg again...and he drops her with a second P.O.P. Drop! CABOOSE This is how you do things the "Thrillogy Way"! COLE Well, I don't give a flying (bleep) what way they're doing things. We need some (bleep)damn help out here for these two! C'mon! The locker room then empties with preliminary wrestlers, agents, referees, and fan favorites alike, all with the goal of helping out Sly and Crystal. Zack and Calvin bail as soon as the others hit the ring! COACH FINALLY! I just hope it wasn't too late! CABOOSE This is professional wrestling; of COURSE those idiots are too late! The camera closes in on Zack and Calvin surveying their damage from right at the HeldDOWN~! entrance. Various officials and wrestlers are checking over and helping out Sly Sommers and Crystal, as the fans watch on and worry. Calvin and Zack start laughing at what they've done, before Calvin puts his arm around Zack, and both men raise their arms in victory. CABOOSE I LOVE this sight! I guarentee you folks at home: this Sunday night, this is the exact same picture that we will be going off the air with, as the Thrillogy will reign supreme at Angleslam! COLE I sure hope not. Ladies and gentlemen, this Sunday...TLC for the Tag Titles, Hoff/Gunner for the X Title, Sly/Calvin No-Rope Barbed Wire, and Zack versus Crystal with No Time Limit for the World Heavyweight Title! ORDER IT NOW! ::END OF SHOW::

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! “I Like” plays and we see the opening video. Then we’re taken to the LOGO Massive orange fireworks light up the arena in a pyro blaze! The camera travels around the venue at a dizzying pace, not even giving us a chance to read some of the more creatively designed signs. We’re taken to Sofa Central where Coach and Mikey Cole are ready for another night of mixing up tag team partner’s names and miscalling moves! COACH C cubed has been minuesed one exponential power! It is now C squared. M.C and J.C, coming to ya live from Ann Arbor, Mich! HOLLA~! Tell em what we got planned tonight, home boi! COLE It’s so much more peaceful without Caboose insulting us, isn’t it. Anyway tonight’s show features the debut of Rick Shirley! Sadly my restraining order against him has yet to go through. Also Crystal will go up against her buddy Sly Sommers and we’ll have fallout from last week’s tag team fiasco. Plus this is our last show before our August pay per view extravaganza, AngleSlam! Expect things to be hot! COACH But now we kick it off with tag team action! BUFFER The following contest on HeldDOWN is for the HIYAH tag team championship, sanctioned by HIYAH & the OAOAST. It is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time-limit, under HIYAH rules. Introducing first, the challengers... Black smoke fills the screen as "Quiet" cues up. Jivin' J.R. runs out on the stage, lifting up his shirt, sucking his stomach in-and-out like its a tidal wave. Dan Black & T-Bod appear, a look of determination on their faces, just 3 days away from AngleSlam III, where they hope to regain the tag team championship. But tonight they're after the HIYAH tag titles. The rules used in HIYAH are slightly different than the ones in the OAOAST. HIYAH RULES 1. Throwing opponent over-the-top rope is an automatic DQ 2. Ramming your opponent's head into the guardrails or ringpost is an automatic DQ BUFFER (CONT'D) Followed to the ring by the Farmer of Champions, Jivin' J.R., hailing from London, England, "The Ice Heart" Dan Black! His partner, from Hollywood U.S.A., he's simply ravishing...T-Bod! Ladies and gentlemen, the former OAOAST tag team champions, Black T~! Black asks referee Sir Miles Manchester to open the ropes for him & T-Bod. Then in an herculean effort, Black T use all their strength to hold down the bottom rope so Jivin' J.R. can enter the ring. BUFFER Their opponents, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, the HIYAH tag team champions, the All American Boys! The patriotic "Stars & Stripes Forever" hits. The mask men from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave head to the ring proudly waving Old Glory (American flag) with the HIYAH tag titles wrapped around their waists. The All American Boy II & III shake the hands of their fans, gathering up all the support they can. Surprising the AABs are met with a mixed reaction... COLE I'd like to take this time to tell the fans at home, that coming up later tonight we'll hear from the new OAOAST tag team champions the New New Midnight Express who stunned the Global Party XChange by defeating them for the titles last week on HeldDown. Oh my God! ...HELL'S HITMEN! Those boos weren't for the AABs but rather the #1 contenders for the OAOAST tag team titles, wearing busted STRAITJACKETS, their faces stained with DRIED BLOOD. COACH M-M-Michael...the--the straightjackets. You know what that means, don'tcha? COLE A mental hospital in the Great White North is missing two patients. They haven't even washed the blood off their faces. The All American Boys see Hell's Hitmen coming right at them. Black T quickly exit the ring, jumping over the guardrails. AAB II & III punch the two psycho's from hell -- nothing. Those guys love pain. JINGUS & The Sadist beg for more punches. These two nutjobs take everything the AABs have to offer until they drop the AABs with one punch. The Sadist gorilla presses AAB II over his head and THROWS HIM INTO THE RINGPOST like a human dart. COACH And his name isn't even Rey Mysterio. JINGUS gives AAB III a CLAW SLAM on the steel rampway, then throws AAB III over the top rope into the ring. JINGUS positions AAB III for the powerbomb, as The Sadist climbs to the top. VAYA CON DIOS powerbomb-clothesline combo. JINGUS covers AAB III. Sadist with the count. 1...2...3! COLE That doesn't count. COACH Go tell that to them. COLE Hell no! Jingus & The Sadist destroyed--I mean destroyed--the All American Boys. The Sadist takes a picture of Jim Cornette & the New New Midnight Express out of his white sweats, handing it over to JINGUS who RIPS THE HEADS OFF THE PICTURE. Whether it's because they're warming up to Hell's Hitmen, because they hate the NNMX, or even a bit of both, the crowd pops huge when JINGUS rips the heads off. James E. signed the death warrants of himself & the NNMX when he screwed over Hell's Hitmen. The two big men exit through the crowd, to the hilarious sight of fans running out of their way as Hell's Hitmen near their sections. Black T stand on the guardrails, making sure Hell's Hitmen have left ringside. Once they feel safe they hop over the rails and toss the AABs into the ring. Dan asks Sir Miles to ring the bell. * DING DING DING * COLE Sir Miles calls for the bell, I can't believe he's going to allow this match to go forward after what just happened. COACH The bell never rang. COLE Yeah, but do you really think the All American Boys stand a chance now? T-Bod scoopes up All American Boy II...and FALLS BACKWARDS. 1... 2... In an over-the-top matter T-Bod kicks out. T-Bod gets on his knees and pretends to breath heavy. He looks at Dan, extending his hand. "Worried" Dan stands on the bottom rope, reaching over trying to make the tag despite both members of the All American Boys being down and out. T-Bod crawls towards his corner, making sure the AABs don't stop him even though he can easily make the tag. T-Bod makes a dramatic dive to his corner, tagging in his partner. COACH Did that answer your question? They nearly defeated the former OAOAST tag team champions. But they still have no chance. Black enters the ring, huffing and puffing like Hulk Hogan after Hulking Up, but there's nobody to hit. T-Bod picks up AAB II moving his arm to make it look like he's putting up a fight. Dan ducks a right and nails him with a BLACKOUT (Stunner). T-Bod wraps AAB III's arm around his neck and runs at Dan. Black moves out of the way and clotheslines AAB III. No, he didn't! AAB III moved out of the way...I mean T-Bod moved him out of the way. They're toying with Uncle Sam's favorite tag team. But after tonight he won't want them. T-Bod spins AAB III around and lifts him up for the OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE (Spinebuster), Dan off the rope catches AAB III with the BLACK BOMB as T-Bod slams AAB III to the canvas. 3-B, BLACK BODYBAG! 1... 2... 3! * DING DING DING * COLE That's sickening. Black T just abused them. COACH I don't know, Mikey. It looked like the All American Boys were gonna pull off the upset. Besides, I'm sure HIYAH is thrilled to have Black T as their champions. You saw what those boys did to our tag division. COLE (sighs) The good news is Black T will be taking more trips to Japan, so if you don't see them on OAOAST TV, they're probably in the land of the rising sun. COACH Bill Watts must be pretty excited, because he'd love to sign a HIYAH tag champion vs. OAOAST tag champion match. Currently those champions are set to meet at AngleSlam--Black T vs. the NNMX--for the OAOAST tag titles. BUFFER The winners of the match, and new HIYAH tag team champions...Black T~! Jivin' J.R. grabs the belts away from the timekeeper and enters the ring, rolling around on the floor with the titles, before handling them over to their new owners, Black T, as we go to break. THE OAOAST PRESENTS... ANGLESLAM THIS SUNDAY, LIVE FROM LONDON, ENGLAND, ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW CALL YOUR LOCAL CABLE OR SATELLITE OPERATOR TO ORDER! (Return from break) COLE I understand that right now we are going to go to Bill Watts for a special announcement. (We cut to a scene of Bill Watts sitting in a chair.) WATTS Ladies and Gentlemen this Sunday at AngleSlam Rick Edwards will face off against J. Arthur Edwards to defend his X Division Title in a match that should be very emotional. However, there will be a special stipulation added to this match at the request of Rick. Rick came to me earlier this week and after a long discussion with the Board of Directors we came to an agreement. *The fans buzz in anticipation* WATTS This Sunday when Rick and J. Arthur face off all parties not involved in the match will be banned from ringside once the match starts, except for one man. That man will be suspended above the ring in a small cage until the conclusion of the match. That man will be Robert “Father” Edwards. *The crowd pops* COLE Whoa!! WATTS The reason that Robert will be there is because if Rick Edwards should win he will then have 5 minutes in the ring with Father with no rules and no ref. *The crowd pops even louder* COLE Oh my God!! WATTS Normally I would not grant such a one sided stipulation, but even I am appalled at the actions of “The Machine”. *said with the quotation finger gesture* Rick assured me that if he should lose he would never again pursue any members of “The Machine” again as a trade off for this stipulation. I thank you for your time and enjoy the rest of the show. *We cut backstage to the locker room of The Machine where all three men look pissed.* J. ARTHUR He can’t do that! You’re not an OAOAST wrestler Robert! ROBERT What are you worried about? Just defeat the man and we’ll never have to worry about him again. He’ll probably be so embarrassed that he’ll leave anyway. Besides I think this can work to our advantage. J. ARTHUR How do you figure that? ROBERT Trust me…I’ll figure out something. Now go and deliver your message before he leaves. *JAE gets up and leaves the room as we cut back to ringside.* COLE I can’t believe this news! If Rick wins he gets 5 minutes with Father, but what message does JAE have to deliver and to whom? Rick said he would never fight the Machine again if he should lose! COACH Yeah we all know that is a lie! Lies I say! Lies! COLE Simmer down, Coach. I’m not going to argue with you about this. Fans, Josh Matthews is standing backstage with the special guest ref in the Almost Famous match this Sunday at AngleSlam, Candie! Josh...... (Go backstage) (We go backstage where Josh Matthews and Candie are standing in front of a brick wall that has a white banner that reads “OAOAST AcKshUn z0ne in front of it.” JOSH What’s poppin, peeps? J.Math on the spot with Candie! Candie what’s up? Can we trust you to call the “Almost Famous” match right down the middle or what? CANDIE Joshua, Auntie Candie has always acted in a fair and impartial manner to all people. Have I ever done anything to lead you to believe that I would ever in my life do something that could cause harm and humiliation to my dear sweet niece Alix and her adorable little companion Krista? JOSH Hmm...Well...now that I think ab...... (Candie shoves Josh against the wall!) CANDIE That was a rhetorical question! I’m sweet, I’m kind, and I’m fair! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT!!!!!!! If you try to argue with me, I’ll knock your block off! (Candie storms off) JOSH How can you argue with such infallible logic? Back to you. (Back to DA SC~~~~!~~!~!~!~!!!#$%&*^*^%^%&^^$$%$%#%$#) COACH Home skillets, while we’re on the subject of the Almost Famous match you can catch Krista Isadora Duncan on the Ellen Degeneres show tomorrow, Friday August 27th. She’ll talk about her time in the OAOAST as well as her new exercise video Gettin fit with KID. COLE Plus Ben Affleck’ll be on the show and he is way hot! COACH He's no Matt Damon, I'll tell ya that! But let's move on with the show! I understand that we've got a hold of some hot footage from Bill Watts' office. I never thought I'd say hot and Bill Watts in the same sentence. Let's go to it!