Patty O'Green

(Return from break) COLE Hello again everyone, and welcome back to HeldDOWN~! The crowd cheers hooray for HD! COACH It's been a hell of a ride so far, and things are only gonna get hotter in three days, when we arrive at AngleSlam! COLE Absolutely, we're all excited for what promises to be one of the hottest events of the summer. Wanna run down the matches, Coach? COACH Let's do it! The "Dial AS for AngleSlam" logo flashes across the screen as Cole and Coachman go into full-on shill mode. COLE First off, let's start with a doozy in our prestigious X-division champion, Rick Edwards, defending his title against his own cousin, J. Arthur Edwards! COACH Aw, this is gonna be one hell of a match, Mikey, I can tell. It's got two great athletes, but it's also become very personal, as J. Arthur and Father have gone out of their way to ruin Rick's life! COLE No doubt that Rick will have revenge on his mind for the heinous crimes perpetrated against him as of late. COACH Speaking of heinous, the Machine's Christopher Cain will also be in action, taking on the returning Judas! COLE We haven't seen Judas in quite some time, but he has answered the challenge laid out by Father and Cain, and he will help his friend Rick fight the Machine. COACH Fight the machine...good line, Cole! COLE Thank you. And when you talk about great action and great athletes, two names that come to mind immediately are Drek Stone and Leon Rodez, and these two men will meet at AngleSlam. COACH Well we've seen them get into each other's faces, and once again, Drek Stone has been playing the mind games. He's a master of them, but will it be enough to overcome Leon Rodez's dynamic assault? We'll find out at AngleSlam! COLE And how's this for dynamic? A fatal four-way tag team match between the Bryant cousins, Nate and Mikey Tethers, the Frankensteiners, and the Skulls! COACH Aw, man, that's gonna be off the chain! Four of the hottest, freshest, newest tag teams mixing it up like only the OAOAST can! COLE Another great tag team match in store, as the Saints will take on Chicks Over Dicks in an "Almost Famous" match! The first team to hit their finishers three times wins! COACH Yeah, a unique match to be sure, and don't forget the stips! If the Saints win, Alix and Krista become their groupies, but if COD wins, Synth and Logan become their...their "muses!" But you know who could be my muse? The vivacious Candie! COLE Candie of course the special guest referee for this match. But, when you talk tag team, you gotta be talking about the tag team titles. COACH Yes yes yes. What a match we've got in store there! COLE It's gonna be the Jim Cornette's New New Midnight Express defending in a tables, ladders, and chairs match! A TLC match! And their opponents? Black T....AND the GPX! COACH The tag team division is hotter than ever and these three teams have had some epic encounters! But they may outdo themselves yet again at AngleSlam! COLE Yeah, and speaking of titles, how about the 24/7 title? Hoff defends against Gunner Sharps! COACH Oh man, I can't wait for this! Hoff has made so many enemies-- COLE You're telling me! COACH Yeah, but Gunner will finally get his shot at Hoff! And will Chris Stevens play a factor? COLE Speaking of factors, or factions, we've got word that the Inten5e's Mad Cappa is gonna have it out with Stephen Joseph, their leader! COACH Who knows what we can expect here? I mean, Joseph is their leader! COLE Well, I guess Cappa's had enough! And speaking of having had enough...we come to Panther taking on Chris Bryte in a steel cage. COACH Panther is a man pushed to the edge, pushed as far as he can go, but Mikey, after the injury we saw Panther sustain earlier, who knows if this match will even go down? COLE Well, knowing Panther, I doubt he'd let anything stop him. COACH Well that remains to be seen. And speaking of "seeing"-- COLE Nice transition, Walter Cronkite. COACH Kiss my ass. We've got a match that will be a sight to be seen: the first-ever Barbed Wire Purgatory match between Sly Sommers and Calvin Szechstein. COLE Over the past few months, Calvin has made Sly's life a living hell, disbanding Totally Endorsed, casting him aside, costing him matches, laying in sneak attacks -- I mean, Sly is ready for some payback. COACH This one will be a bloody, bloody spectacle, folks. COLE And that brings us to our main event: the OAOAST World Championship, to be decided in a "Survive or Surrender" match, between the champion Zack Malibu, and the Female Phenom, the #1 contender...Crystal. COACH MAH GIRL~! COLE Now here are the rules once again. A "no escape" cage, with a roof and no doors. There are no pinfalls, there is no time limit. The only way to win is to get your opponent to tap out, pass out, or say those magic words...I quit. COACH Finally, the feud between Zack Malibu and Crystal will come to a definitive end, and you can see it all, ONLY at OAOAST AngleSlam!! COLE Folks, remember the date: this Sunday, August 29th, live from London, England, and LIVE on pay-per-view! Call your cable company now, and get ready for the summer's hottest event: OAOAST AngleSlam! (Cut to locker room, where Crystal's lacing her boots for her match later on. Sly Sommers walks into the camera's view and sits down on the bench where she's balancing herself.) SLY Hey, you got a minute? CRYSTAL Sure...aren't you supposed to be prepping for our match later? SLY I have been; can't you tell by how bad my armpits stink? CRYSTAL Well, there's usually an odor in here, but anyway, go on... SLY I just wanted to make sure that we make it clear that we're gonna go into this match friends, but not hold back as soon as that bell rings. But, when the bell rings to end it...we're still going to be the same two people we were before the match, and the friendship isn't broken. CRYSTAL I agree totally. I've actually been looking forward to this for a while: a match where I can actually go out there and concentrate on my athleticism instead of my intense hatred for Malibu and his goons in the Thrillogy. SLY I know exactly what you're talking about; I just want Sunday to come as soon as possible so I can destroy Calvin once and for all and be done with it. But anyway...(stands up) may the best man...I mean, person win? (extends hand) CRYSTAL May the best person win. (shakes Sly's hand) SLY One more thing: good luck with your title match on Sunday, but I'm STILL waiting for my other shot at the belt that the Board of Directors has been ignoring since May, when Zack went out and got all evil and such. CRYSTAL I'll see what I can do. SLY Thanks. See you out there... (Sly walks off; camera close-up of Crystal) (FADE TO BLACK) (Go to break)

(Return from break. Feeling good. Feeling great. How are you? You...you..you) Inside the dressing room of Black T, Jesse "The Body" Ventura sits on the couch while Dan Black & T-Bod, dressed in tailor-made suits, relax on the zebra-patterened sofa, resting their legs on top of a coffee table. Jivin' J.R. sits on the other side of the room, watching "American Pie" on DVD, eating a box of jelly donuts. JESSE Welcome back, my uninvited guests, to HeldDown! Jesse "The Body" with the new HIYAH tag team champions Black T, along with the Farmer of Champions, Jivin' J.R. I'm so happy to see you with a belt again T-Bod. I didn't know if I wanted to live in a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabes, but I'm glad to see a group finally emerge who can set the record straight. So to all those inferior tag teams, recognize, you hear. Can you say HIYAH & OAOAST tag team champions after this Sunday night, huh? All four men break out in uncontrollable laughter. T-BOD I couldn't say it better myself, Jess. How sweet it is to be wearing gold around these sexy waists again. JESSE Oh, how sexy they are indeed. You're the only man I let my wife fantasize about. Hell, I want you to take my daughter to the prom. The world needs more gentlemen like you and your fellow amigos. T-BOD Thank you so very much, "Body", that means a lot coming off the toughest match in our careers. Some people are going to say the only reason we stand before you HIYAH tag team champions is because of Hell's Hitmen. Well, we all know Hell's Hitmen can't work, and we could of beaten the AABs anyway, we just happened to make their pain short and sweet. JESSE I know you two are looking forward to traveling to Japan; the Geisha Girls, the culture, the fact Asian women love sex. DAN Now, now, Mr. Ventura, Black T do not believe in stereotypes. But Japan is a huge market for our good friends, the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all time, The Saints. Who Black T wish the best of luck to in their upcoming "Almost Famous" match against Chicks Over Dicks at the third AngleSlam. T-BOD Lemme tell Anne Heche & Chastity something: When Synth & Logan beat you -- but not to the point where they disfigure your face because that's what they'll be looking at when they're on top -- you'll wish you'd never sworn off the dick because you're gonna find out it feels a whole helluva better taking it up the ass with a real 8" than a rubber one. Haha! I'd also like to wish my good, close personal friend President George W. Bush the best of luck in his re-election. W, sorry I won't be able to make it to NYC for your big speech, but call me and we'll set up an old-fashion Texas B-B-Q at 1600 in January '05. JESSE Lucky he ain't runnin' against me. Okay. People have been tellin' me to ask this question: Last week on HeldDown, you guys got involved in the NNMX-GPX match. DAN Sir, it wasn't our choice to get involved. Me & Mr. T were celebrating his birthday, along with Mr. Jive and Mr. T's cousin Teddy Moneymaker, and decided to attend the show as fans after we left our security passes in the Hilton. (Looking over to T-Bod) Well, we were both in a Hilton while Mr. Jive was in her little rodent called a dog. Then Scotty Static tried to assault us. The videotape shows he jumped over the guardrail and attacked. Like I said, since we were enjoying the show as fans, we thought it was best to control our rage and simply let that imbecile go free. But as Scotty was about to enter the ring, he insulted Jivin' J.R.'s dog... J.R. MY WIFE! MY WIFE! MY WIFE! The camera focuses on Jivin' J.R. who is thrusting forward, the donut he had earlier being used in a matter it wasn't attended for. DAN (turns off TV; J.R. begins crying) Shh. Shh. There, there, you loveable doughboy. You can watch it again after we're done with this interview. Remember we told you not to do that in public. T-BOD I guess TV can be a negative influence. DAN As I was saying, we couldn't let that slide. Scotty took the wine out of T-Bod's hands and pointed at us. Luckily for us, Jesus loves Black T and striked vengeance upon him, shattering the bottle over his head. It was an act of God. J.R. Praise Jeebus! All hail Jeebus. T-BOD Ashame all that good wine went to waste. DAN On the contrary, mother said it's nice to share. Much like Scotty & Johnny share their mothers. Once again everybody cracks up. Two men barge through the dressing room, clotheslining Black T over the sofa, tipping it over in the process. It's THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE~! GPX hammer Black T with punches while Jivin' J.R. hides in the corner. Jesse also hides...behind the mass of Jivin' J.R., then quietly sneaks out. Shaken, but not stirred, Dan uses the bathroom's doorknob to pull himself up. Scotty whips T-Bod into Dan, sending them crashing through the bathroom door. Scotty BREAKS A COFFEE CUP over T-Bod's head. Jivin' J.R. sneaks up behind Scotty with his deadly FLY SWATTER! WHAP! Unfazed Scotty cooly turns around, smirking at Mr. Jive. J.R. begins backing down, asking Scotty if they're cool. When Static continues his march towards Jivin' J.R., he attempts to flee, but the pigley sumbitch is caught from behind. Scotty spins J.R. around and pops him in the kisser. The camera zooms inside the bathroom where Dan hits a low blow on Johnny, then uses his shorts to throw him against the wall. Black T try to STICK JOHNNY'S HEAD INTO THE TOILET but J.J. fights it off. Out of nowhere Scotty nails Black T from behind with a clothesline. Dan quickly gets up and charges Scotty who hip tosses him back into the dressing room, his ankles scraping against the top of the bathroom door, landing inches away from the sofa. Scotty & Johnny scoope T-Bod up for a double-bodyslam...or do they? No! GPX drop T-Bod HEAD FIRST INTO THE TOILET... FLUSH~! GPX laugh as T-Bod smacks the sides of the toilet with his hands. Suddenly the room becomes covered in white foam. Black nails Scotty, covered in foam, on the shoulder with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER. Dan follows that up by jamming the fire extinguisher into Johnny's gut, then across his back. DAN J.R.? J.R.? J.R. (holding his jaw) What? DAN Hold him up. J.R. I don't think that's a good idea. Don't you know that never works? DAN I said hold him up! Jivin' J.R. holds Johnny up and closes his eyes. BOOM! Down goes J.R.! Down goes J.R.! Down goes J.R.! "Damn, he was right," Black mumbles before getting SPEARED over the tipped sofa by Johnny. J.J. gets up, pumping his fist in excitement, he turns around...RUNNING CLOTHESLINE BY T-BOD. T-Bod, his hair dripping wet, hurdled over the sofa and caught Jackson with a clothesline. Scotty comes up from behind with a double-axehandle. He clubbers T-Bod with forearm shots but it hardly has any effects on the 6'6, 292 pounder. T-Bod blocks a kick, spins Scotty around and follows that up with a clothesline...a missed clothesline. T-Bod staggers around momentarily. BICYLCE KICK drops T-Bod across the coffee table. You know what's coming up next. Scotty uses the sofa as a springboard to hit a MOONSAULT, breaking the table! Scotty slowly gets up...WHAM!...crashes into the camera, nearly landing outside the dressing room only to smack his upper and lower body across the doorway, after receiving a CHAIR SHOT from Dan Black. Black repeatedly drives the point of the chair on Scotty's ribcage. It's no secret he's still recovering from broken ribs. T-Bod slouches over, clearly exhausted from the brawl. Johnny leapfrogs over him and nails Dan with a DROPKICK, sending him stumbling over Scotty, outside to the hallway. Johnny "Jam" hops over his partner and jumps on Dan, pounding him with all his might. BAM! A black dress shoe smacks J.J. on the side of his face. Stiff kick from T-Bod. OAOAST officials finally appear to break up this brawl, to a chant of "Let them fight! Let them fight! Let them fight!" Terry Taylor holds T-Bod back but it doesn't stop Scotty from jumping over a number of officials, and landing on top of T-Bod with a cross bodyblock. Officials try to pry Scotty off T-Bod who's getting pounded with uncontrollable rights and lefts. Wielding a chair, Dan Black shoves numberous officials as he nears Scotty. BOOM! Black slams Static's head into the floor. Dan tells T-Bod to lift up Scotty, while he places the steel chair behind him. They're going to SPIKE PILEDRIVER Scotty onto the chair! CRACK! Johnny "Jam" Jackson breaks a DVD PLAYER over Dan's back. Black drops to his knees then the floor. Jackson drives the remaining portion of the DVD player between Scotty's leg, nailing T-Bod in the face, allowing Scotty to use his flexibility to counter the piledriver into a HURRICARANA on the steel chair. GPX scoope T-Bod on their shoulders and ram him through THE CATERING ROOM door. GPX just used T-Bod as a human battery ram. The folks inside catering scatter around the room, screaming and yelling. "We come in peace," Scotty tells the employees. "We also come with trash," qulps Johnny as they slide T-Bod on a table full of food. T-Bod pulls himself up, strings of spaghetti on his head. "How you feeling? (Hot Hot Hot) How you feeling? (Hot Hot Hot)" sings Johnny, while Scotty pours a bucket of sauce on T-Bod's head, sending the big man screaming in pain due to its heat. Dan Black comes running into the frame with a table. POW! GPX go down. Black sets up the table and places Scotty on it, holding him down. T-Bod whips Johnny hard into the wall and lifts him up...OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE THROUGH THE TABLE & SCOTTY. Black T punch officials who get in their way, no longer caring about the possibility of fines and/or suspensions. Black T throw various pies on GPX -- apple, pumpkin, cheery, even poontang...well, they just threw a female worker wearing a GPX t-shirt on them. Being the gentlemen that they are, Black T take a moment to share a glass of punch. They even get seconds--but this punch hurts more. BAM! BOOM! ZAP! SPLISH, SPLASH! SNAP, CRACKLE & POP! POW! WOWZERS! ZOWIE! GPX & Black T duke it out, throwing wild punches. OAOAST officials just throw their hands in the air, they're going to let them go at it until the two sides tire out -- if they tire out. Johnny & Dan exchange chops and Euorpean Uppercuts respectively. Scotty hits T-Bod with anything he can get his hands on--rolls, hamburgers, etc. Static picks up a slice of pizza, takes a bite, and slaps it across T-Bod's million dollar face. He grabs a pair of TONGS...T-Bod's eye bright up like a Christmas tree. Static squeezes the tongs for all their worth. Dan kicks J.J. between the legs and drops him thru table with a FALCON ARROW. Black goes over to another table and grabs a BEER KEG. T-Bod's jumping up and down as Static continues squeezing the tongs while slapping him, getting a kick out of T-Bod's pain. No doubt payback for getting smashed over the head with the wine bottle last week. From behind Dan nails Scotty with the beer keg. He places the keg on the floor and has T-Bod hold it down horizontally. Black sticks Scotty between his legs and lifts up, putting his right hand through Static's legs and locking it with his left hand. CRADLE PILEDRIVER! The OAOAST must've bought that keg from the .99 cent store, because the keg busts open, spilling the beer down the floor. Many of the people inside the room get on their knees, sucking up as much as the beer they can. To them beer means more than life itself. Black T fall on one knee each, clearly tired from the fighting. Thank goodness it appears to have ended. OAOAST officials close in--but Johhny "Jam" Jackson comes running at them, the officials move out of the way, Johnny grazes T-Bod's head with his right fists knocking him down, and tackles Dan all the way through the back exit into THE PARKING LOT. Johnny & Dan land just feet away from Jim Cornette & the NNMX, who are loading their luggage into their rental car. They get away from the action, as J.J. nails Dan with a TRASHCAN LID. One for T-Bod as well. Then Johnny throws T-Bod head first into the car's window, breaking it; T-Bod receives small lacerations. Johnny sticks him arm into the car and takes out Cornette's TENNIS RACKET. BOOM! BOOM! Johnny tosses the racket back to a furious Jim Cornette. Jackson picks up a trashcan and dumps the trash on GPX, ala Black T dumping the pies on them earlier, although this is much worse than pies. T-Bod -- FULL NELSON SLAM on the TRASHCAN. Dan with the German Suplex. How many times have you seen a brawl where somebody uses a German Suplex? Yeah. Me neither. COLE Cornette & the Midnights can be seen laughing at the very top right-hand corner of the screen. They're facing Black T on Sunday, and the challengers are involved in what has turned into a street fight with another previous tag title holder, GPX. They should be loving this. Imagine if their two biggest threats -- and make no mistake about it, they are their biggest threats until proven otherwise -- take each other out. Dan grabs a ladder nearby, and slams it on Johnny. He then picks up the crushed trashcan and bashes it across Jackson's face. T-Bod helps Dan setup the ladder. Dan slowly climbs the rungs closest to Johnny, the wear and tear of this brawl beginning to become clear. A piece of sheetrock breaks over T-Bod's head. Scotty Static has returned! Dan doesn't know Scotty's behind him. OOF! Scotty whacks a lead pipe across Dan's midsection. Dan grunts, slightly bending over while doing his best to hold onto the ladder. Scotty tries shaking him off to no avail. So he does the next best thing -- hits him again with the lead pipe. GPX launch Dan off the ladder on top of the car nearby -- not just any car, but the car of the NNMX. Cornette, "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned place their hands on top of their heads, obviously stunned and upset they'll have to pay the rental company for the damages. T-Bod comes to the aid of his partner but as he nears the car Scotty hits him with THE SHOOTING STAR LARIAT! Back on top of the car, Johnny pumphandles Dan and turns it into a piledriver. BEAT DROP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The maneuver sent off the car alarm. The NNMX tackle Scotty to the ground. Johnny shoves Dan to the ground and gets up -- WHAM! Cornette nails him from behind with that damn tennis racket. Ned throws T-Bod over the car, while Simon drives Scotty's face on the cement. Singleton whips Scotty towards Ned...droptoe hold into the car door. Static's head snaps back in an brutal whiplash effect. Cornette hands Simon a lead pipe. Singleton strokes the pipe, then cocks it back... THUD! ...Scotty's head slides down the door where a big dent is left from the pipe shot. Scotty Static is out cold. Johnny Jackson dives on top of the Midnights, Jim Cornette squares around trying to get a good look at Johnny. WHAM! Again, Cornette blasts J.J. with that tennis racket. Simon climbs the top of the car, Ned slams Johnny on the ladder. "Narcissistic" Ned throws Simon off the car onto Johnny. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER. The Midnight stand over Johnny, shoving the tag titles in his face, paint brushing (slapping) him. GRRRRR! Those grunts and growls aren't from a loose dog but...HELL'S HITMEN have arrived. Cornette & the NNMX are scared shitless, as they back away towards their car. Black T push them down and take off in their car. The NNMX scream at Black T. Jivin' J.R. comes running out of nowhere, yelling "Wait for me! Wait for me!" He dives at the car...and completely misses, landing hard on the road. J.R. gets up and continues chasing after the car. If Donald Duck was human, Jivin' J.R. is how he'd look chasing a car. The NNMX run onto the road, sticking their thumbs out, trying to hitch a ride but every car that passes by drives past them. They try to highjack a taxi, but the cabby pulls out a gun. As you'd suspect the Midnights back off. They commandeer a passing SCHOOL BUS filled with kids. Hell's Hitmen stick their faces on the windows causing all the kids to scream. The NNMX drive away, leaving a puff of smoke behind as Hell's Hitmen powerwalk after the bus. COLE This is without a doubt one of the damnest things we've ever seen. But why didn't the NNMX attack Black T, their opponents this Sunday night at AngleSlam, live on pay-per-view? COACH The only thing I can think of is maybe they thought GPX did enough damage to them, so they decided to attack their next biggest threat. COLE Or perhaps it's due to the NNMX & Black T's mutal hate for GPX. A school bus at this time of night? COACH Michael Jackson after school program. COLE Wait a minute...wait a minute. Bill Watts, the Chairman of the board of directors, is asking for some time. WATTS Enough is enough, Michael. They wanna hit officials? They wanna use tables, ladders, and chairs? Well, the NNMX-Black T match has been revised. We're gonna take the last 3 World's tag team champions and put them in one match...a 3 way Tables, Ladders & Chairs match. Cole's jaw drops, the crowd pops huge for that announcement. WATTS The only way to win is by climbing a ladder and removing the belts from a cable suspending them above the ring. Thank you. COLE Wow. AngleSlam just got even wilder. The event is sold out, so the only way you can join us is by ordering AngleSlam on pay-per-view. Call your local cable or satellite provider to order now! We got to break with an on-screen graphic, reading: BREAKING NEWS... JUST ANNOUNCED FOR ANGLESLAM... TABLES, LADDERS & CHAIRS OAOAST TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Black T vs. The Global Party XChange vs. The New New Midnight Express (We go to break with Cole screaming to order the pay per view)

(Return from our break) The words "EARLIER TONIGHT" scroll across the screen as we cut to footage from the end of the Bryte/Gunn match. COLE Fans, welcome back to HeldDOWN, and I'm still in shock at what we saw earlier on! Chris Bryte was taking on Tommy Gunn...the older brother of the late "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn, who was killed by The Hand last month in a match! Gunn lost that match via disqualification for using a chair, but that's not the story, because look at what this piece of garbage did! Tommy Gunn on the middle rope going for a moonsault...Kevin Taylor sprays him in the eyes with mace, and look at this! Bryte hooks his arms, Taylor pulls up the mats at ringside, and Bryte...he gave Tommy Gunn the Bryte Side...that vertebreaker off the apron and onto the exposed concrete, and that was totally uncalled for, Coach! Totally uncalled for! COACH Yeah, and as you can guess, here's how Tommy Gunn ended up! The HeldDOWN logo scrolls the screen and we cut to later footage of him being loaded into an ambulance. COLE There you see him...Tommy Gunn getting carted off the hospital! COACH Damn shame! COLE Exactly. From my notes here, it appears that Tommy has actually had a history of neck injuries...I just hope...that...that was disgusting! The logo scrolls the screen once again we cut back to the interview area where we see Kevin Yancy Taylor standing alongside Bryte; both have smiles etched on their faces. TAYLOR Cheer up, Michael Cole! Turn that frown upside down, for it is I...KEVIN YANCY TAYLOR...back once again to give you a KYT exclusive the the one-and-only Chris Bryte! Now Chris, Cole and Coach want to know why! Why did you do what you did out there?! How could you "maliciously" injure another human being the way that you did to poor, poor Tommy Gunn! BRYTE Why'd I do it, Uncle Kev? Well it's as simple as this: the OAOAST has backed me into a corner! They've placed my back up against the wall by putting me in this cage match with Panther! It's totally unfair, and unc, you and I both know that it's nothing more than a blatant attempt by the powers that be to try and take me out and end my career! TAYLOR Absolutely! Word around the locker room is that all the boys in the back agree! BRYTE Yeah, well pay attention, Watts, and you Panther, you had certainly better pay attention to what happened to Tommy Gunn tonight, because it's a prime example of what happens when you back Chris Bryte into a corner! The two of you think you've really pulled something! (voice cracks) Panther, y-y-you think you've got me right where you want me, b-b-BUT YOU'RE WRONG! And I guarantee you that you'll be in for a rude awakening this Sunday night! I'm gonna step into that cage with you, Panther, and I am gonna do once and for all what Bill Watts and the OAOAST are too afraid to do, what you were too stupid to do, and that's end your worthless, pathetic career, Panther! You sonuvabitch! YOU'VE PUSHED ME TO THIS!!!! I didn't wanna do it, BUT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME DO IT, PANTHER! And I'm gonna make sure that you don't leave that cage walking! I promise it, Panther! I guarantee it! This Sunday Night, your career--your life--IT WILL END AT ANGLESLAM!!!!!!!! Bryte's breathing deep, rapid breaths into the camera as Kevin smiley nonchalantly. TAYLOR Cole...Coach...back to you! Cameras cut out to ringside, where we see IRS headed into the ring, wearing glasses and with a silver briefcase in his right hand. COLE Fans, there you see IRS headed into the ring, about to go 1-on-1 with Panther. And fans, this isn't the first time that these two were set to meet. They were originally supposed to square off on April 15th... COACH Tax day! That's brilliant! COLE Yeah, but unfortunately, due to an attack on Tina by who we now know was The Hand, Panther didn't show up, and the match was postponed. They were then scheduled to meet the next week on HeldDOWN, but THAT didn't happen due to some exclusive footage that we're about to show you right now... The word "EXCLUSIVE" appears in the upper left hand corner as we cut to footage of a bloodied IRS hanging by his tie from a running ceiling fan. The fans inside the arena laugh as IRS's body goes around and around. Interestingly enough, there's a big bloody handprint on the back of his shirt. COLE There you see it. Never-before-seen footage of what took place backstage at the April 22nd HeldDOWN~! IRS was taken out by an unknown assailant, and judging from the looks of things, I think I've got a pretty good idea of who was behind that attack. COACH Yeah. The Hand sure did get around back then, didn't he? COLE Yeah. IRS clearly in no shape to compete that night, but he's here tonight, and after all this time, we're finally gonna be able to have this match! THE LOGO~! scrolls the screen once more and we're right back to live action as Buffer and IRS stand in the ring. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, hailing from Washington, D.C....weighing in tonight at Two-hundred and Fifty-Five Pounds...here is IRWIN R. SCHYSTER...otherwise known as I...R...S!!!!!! The crowd boos in the background as Schyster snatches the mic from Buffer. IRS I'd like for all the tax cheats in the house tonight to pay close attention tonight as I face the biggest tax cheat of them all: Panther! (crowd pops) See Panther, you have tried to prolong our meeting, but you can only evade your taxes for so long. Tonight, my friend, you're gonna find out the hard way that no matter who you are or how hard you try, sooner or later, EVERYBODY has to pay the Tax man! The crowd boos as IRS hands the mic back to Buffer, then begin to cheer as "State Prop (You Know Us)" hits the PA system. The arena fades to black, and after approximately 5 seconds... *BOOOOOOOM~!* ...a HUUUUUUUUGE pyro blast explodes on stage. Flashing red and white spotlights swarm the arena, roaming the crowd momentarily before converging on stage, where Panther appears through a thick cloud of smoke. The fans cheer wildly as Panther strolls to the edge of the stage, awaiting the cue in his music. Then, as the horns begin to blare over the PA system, Panther raises his arms high above his head--holding the pose for a moment as white spotlights illuminate the set behind him--then snaps them down by his sides. Panther flashes a smile into the crowd before heading down the ramp to ringside. BUFFER His opponent: hailing from Philadelphia, PA and weighing in tonight at 194 pounds...he is known around the world as the Champion of Champions...PAAAAAAANTHEEEEEERRRR!!!!!! The crowd gives a huge pop at the mention of Panther's name. Panther continues down to ringside, where he takes a vertical leap onto the apron, pauses for a moment to look into the crowd, then steps into the ring. He brushes both Buffer and the official aside as he walks out to the center of the ring, and as the horns begin to blare once again, Panther takes stance in front of the main camera. On cue, the arena goes black, with bright white spotlights roaming the crowd to the beat of the music...getting brighter...and brighter...and brighter...until... ..IRS ATTACKS PANTHER FROM BEHIND WITH THE BRIEFCASE!!!!!! The crowd boos wildly in the background as the lights return to normal, the music stops abruptly, and Schyster begins putting the boots to Panther. *DING DING DING* COLE Schyster attacking Panther during his entrance! DAMN HIM! DAMN HIS SOUL! COACH Geez, Mikey! Is this really that big of a deal to be damning someone's soul over? COLE YES! COACH Ok. Just making sure! CRUCIFY THAT BITCH! COLE Stop it! The ref removes the briefcase from the ring as Schyster lifts Panther back to his feet, sending him back into the ropes with a hard knife edge chop. A second one, followed up by a right hand. Irish whip by IRS sends Panther into a far side, but Panther baseball slides through his legs coming off. Double leg takedown puts IRS flat on his face, at which point Panther returns to his feet, traps IRS's head between his left and right foot, then twists off, wrenching his neck in the process. Clutching at his neck, Schyster crawls toward the ropes, but before he can reach them, Panther grabs him from behind, nails him with one, two, three right hands to the temple before wrapping his arms around his head and wrenching his neck once again. IRS ends up landing throat-first across the top rope, at which point, Panther comes up from behind and drives his right knee into the back of his neck, choking him. REF C'mon, Panther, break it up! 1...2...3... Schyster's eyes look ready to bulge out of the sockets as Panther releases on 3. Panther then grabs IRS by the suspenders and yanks him up into a side headlock. Panther wrenches back as hard as he can on Schyster's neck, but IRS manages to drive him back into the ropes, where he drives two forearm shots into his ribs before sending him into the far side. IRS drops down as Panther rebounds, and Panther goes up and over to the other side. IRS returns to his feet, and as Panther comes off, he catches him by the back of the head and uses him momentum to send him sailing over the top rope. IRS raises his arms into the air to celebrate, not realizing that Panther held on! COLE Panther managing to grab that top rope on the way over! COACH IRS doesn't see him. IRS jaw jacks with a few fans in the front row as behind him, Panther propels himself to the rope. The crowd comes to its feet in the background, and when IRS turns around, Panther catches him square on the jaw with a missile dropkick that sends him rolling through the ropes and to the outside. The crowd pops once more in the background and chants of "PANTHER" echo throughout the arena. COLE Things not going IRS's way here in the early going as these fans once again rally behind the Champ of Champs! Schyster slaps the ringside mats with frustration as he pulls himself back to his feet. Making sure to keep an eye on him from the ring, Panther once again takes stance in front of the main camera, snaps his right fist into the air and... *BOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!* ...pyro explodes from all four ringposts. Panther then hits off the far ropes, dashes across the ring and leaps to the outside, catching a startled Schyster with a perfectly executed corkscrew plancha! Panther fires of rapid-fire right hands to the head before popping back to his feet and playing to the crowd, getting another strong reaction! Panther then lifts IRS back to his feet and buries a right knee into his gut before sending him HARD into the steel barricade with an Irish whip; Schyster lets loose a loud scream as his back hits off the steel. Panther approaches him and reaches for his hair, looking to pull him off the guardrail, but catches a thumb to the eye for his troubles. IRS follows up with a knee to the gut and a clubbing forearm to the back before grabbing Panther and eying the guardrail himself. COACH Looks like this time Panther's gonna get a little taste of the steel. With a handful of hair, IRS walks Panther over to the guardrail and tries to slam him into it, but Panther manages to get a hand up to block it. Panther doubles him over with two elbows to the gut, then grabs him by the hair and tries to slam him into the guardrail--BUT NO! He gets his hand up to block it as well. Schyster fires off an elbow to Panther's gut, then another HARD elbow to the jaw, causing him to stagger backwards. Looking to capitalize, IRS charges Panther with an attempted clothesline, but Panther manages to duck underneath, tuck his head under Schyster's left armpit and drop him crotch-first across the guardrail. IRS lets out a loud scream as he clutches the injured area. COLE That'll ruin the tax man's plans for later in the evening, I assure you. COACH Damn skippy, hippy! With IRS still straddling the guardrail, Panther RIPS into him with a hard knife edge chop to the chest. A second one sends him tumbling back down to the mats at ringside. Panther then reaches down and brings him back to his feet by his hair. He nails him with another chop, then turns to the ringpost with evil intentions. COACH Uh oh! COLE This won't bode well for IRS! Panther grabs him by the hair once again, and with a full head of steam, he charges toward the ringpost and-- *THUD* --DAMN NEAR CAVES HIS SKULL IN by slamming him headfirst into the post. The impact is actually enough to get a "Holy shit" chant out of the fans at ringside. COACH Ouch! The dazed tax man slides into the ring, hoping to distance himself from Panther, but to no avail as the Champ of Champs follows him in and pulls him back grabs him by his necktie! The crowd begins to cheer as Panther yanks him back to his feet. COACH Is this legal? COLE Who cares?! The man has no business wearing a tie in there! With the tie in hand, Panther darts towards the ropes and leaps over to the outside, in the process, snapping Schyster's throat across the top rope. IRS falls parallel to the ropes, at which point, Panther hops back into the apron and scours the arena, bringing the crowd back to its feet. With IRS still down, he yanks back on the top rope and propels himself into the ring with a hilo, landing right on IRS's sternum. He makes the cover...1...2...IRS kicks out at 2! COLE Panther's solidly in control of this one. COACH Yeah. And I don't wanna say I'm surprised, but it does catch me off guard here. I mean...with everything that's been going on lately...with Bryte, with the attack on he and Tina last week, I'd have thought that Panther would be overlooking IRS here. I'd think that Panther's mind would be focused more on this Sunday and the cage match with Bryte than this match right here. COLE Oh, without a doubt, that match is weighing heavily on Panther's mind, but don't expect Panther to overlook anybody! He brings his all in each and every match that he's in, and he could be getting set to finish this thing right here. Panther hooks Irwin for what looks to be a T-Bone suplex, but two elbows to the side of the head change his plans. Panther releases the grip, and IRS tries to capitalize with a clothesline but Panther ducks under, going behind his opponent and locking on a full nelson. The crowd pops in anticipation for a Dragon suplex, but IRS sets himself low in order to prevent the move. Panther struggles to get him up for it, but his larger, stronger opponent manages to break the full nelson and bring him over with a snap mare to the canvas. Schyster then hits off the ropes and misses with a snapping elbow coming off. Panther right back to his feet, and he grabs the injured arm, yanking on it twice before stepping over and bringing him down to the mat with La Majistral. The referee slides in position for the count... 1.. 2.. NO! Kickout after two, and both men get right back to there feet, where IRS mows Panther down with a hard clothesline. The fans boo as Irwin pauses for a moment, trying to shake the effects of Panther's earlier assault. He then moves in and catches Panther with a hard stomp to the back of the head. Another one. He applies a front facelock and uses it to drag Panther back to his feet, where he brings him over with a snap suplex. Schyster floats into the cover...1...2...NO! Panther raises the right shoulder after two. IRS then brings Panther back to his feet, scoops him up and drops him in a front backbreaker. IRS with another lateral press for 1...2...NO! Panther raises the shoulder once again. IRS lifts Panther up into a seated position, then drives his knee into the small of his back. He does it a second time. He then lifts Panther back to his feet and hooks him in an abdominal stretch. Panther screams in pain as IRS cinches back on the hold. COLE IRS seems to be working over the back here. COACH Yeah. This move right here also applies pressure to the chest and midsection as well, and remember that those areas were injured not too long ago by The Hand! I know for a fact that Panther has yet to fully recover from that injury from The Hand. The referee's right up in Panther's face to see if he can continue. With the ref out of position, IRS reaches back and grabs the top rope for added leverage. Panther screams and begins flailing his free hand, prompting the ref to move around and check the ropes. The top rope is shaking, but IRS has released his grip. The crowd boos as Schyster looks around as if he's done nothing wrong. When the ref heads back over to check on Panther, IRS again grabs the top rope for leverage. Again, Panther begins to scream, but again, IRS releases his grip when the suspicious ref moves around to check. The crowd begins chanting "IIIIRRRRRWIIIIIIIIN! IIIIIIIIIRRRRWIIIIIIIN!" in a taunting manner, bringng anger to his face. The ref then moves back into position to check on Panther. Irwin grabs the top rope once again, but this time, the ref slips around from the opposite side and catches him red handed. The ref kicks his hand off the top rope--drawing a huge pop from the crowd--and Panther manages to break the hold with a hip toss. With Irwin flat on his back in the center of the ring, Panther runs to the ropes and comes off with a big splash... ...but Irwin raises the knees! Panther gets back to his feet as quickly as he can--clutching his ribs all the way--but when he reaches the feet, Irwin mows him back down with a flying clothesline! He covers Panther and hooks the leg... 1... 2... THR--NO! Panther gets the shoulder up after 2! COACH Man! He almost got him with that clothesline, Mikey! COLE Panther's in trouble here, and this is not good going into Angleslam this Sunday night. Panther needs all the momentum he can get when he steps into that cage with Chris Bryte. IRS lifts Panther back up by his right arm, and catches him with a boot to the midsection. He then scoops him up and drops him down with a pendulum backbreaker. He then holds his arms up, drawing the ire of the capacity crowd. COLE These fans do not like IRS! IRS lifts Panther back to his feet once more and scoops him up onto his shoulders and into Samoan Drop position . COACH Uh oh! COLE This is what he calls the Write Off! If he hits thit, that'll be all she wrote for Panther. Schyster parades Panther around the ring before performaing the move, but before he has a chance to drop him, Panther shifts his weight forward, managing to slip off of his shoulders and catch him in a front chancery. IRS combats the move, nailing Panther with two forearms to the ribs to loosen his grip. He then tries to lift Panther up one more time, but Panther goes over his back and lands on his feet behind him, grabbing a rear waistlock upon landing. IRS tries to catch Panther with a couple of reverse elbows, but Panther ducks under, and his IRS's momentum turns him around, allowing Panther to hook him and take him over with a T-Bone suplex! Schyster hits his head hard upon hitting the canvas, and groggily comes back to his feet, only to get blasted with a HARD superkick for his troubles. The crowd cheers as Panther begins to pace the ring back and forth, intensity building in his eyes by the second. COACH Hey, Cole, you know what I think? COLE What? COACH I think that Panther's getting FIRED UP, DAMN IT! Yes indeed! He turns back to IRS and motions for him to "get up", and when he does, Panther charges him and blasts him with a hard right hand. A second sends him staggering back to the buckle, where Panther begins to unload on him. Lefts, rights, boots, and chops--everything he can muster. He then grabs him by the right arm and whips him across the ring, causing him to hit HARD off the opposite buckle. IRS staggers out to the center of the ring, clutching his lower back, at which point, Panther slips behind him, grabs a rear waistlock and takes him over with a tremendous German! He pops back to his feet and flashes an intense glare into the camera before turning back to IRS, lifting him up and folding him up with a second German. Panther pops back to his feet and shoots another glare into the crowd, then turns back to the fallen tax man and begins imploring him to get back to his feet...almost begging him. COLE This is trademark Panther, fans! He's got IRS on the run. IRS slowly pulls himself to a knee, then back to a standing position, at which point, Panther slips in from behind and grabs another waistlock--NO! Schyster with a reverse elbow breaks his grip. Panther doesn't relent, however, and applies another rear waistlock. IRS begins firing more reverse elbows, but Panther's set too low and he can't connect. Out of desperation, he grabs hold of the top rope, clutching it with both hands as Panther tries as best he can to pull him away. "NO!!!! NO!!!," yells Schyster as he begins to lose his grip on the top rope, and the crowd is almost at a fever pitch as Panther yanks him into the air and stacks him with a third German! This time he holds the bridge... 1... 2... THR--NO!!!!!! COLE Almost!!!!!! Almost! COACH Man! I think that may have been the first time I've seen Panther actually get that third German. COLE He got it, alright! And he damn near folded IRS up like an accordion in the process! Looking to finish things off, Panther makes a throat-slitting gesture as he brings IRS back to his feet, but the wiley tax man grabs a hold of the front of his jersey, and with a leverage move, sends Panther sailing through the ropes and to the outside. Panther's not hurt by the move, and quickly returns to his feet and heads back into the ring. As he's stepping through the ropes, though, IRS pounces on him, catching him with an elbow right between the shoulder blades. He then yanks Panther out to the center of the ring and pulls him into a standing headscissors. COLE What's this? COACH Piledriver?! IRS swipes his hands to signify the end as he wraps his arms around Panther's waist and lifts him up onto his shoulders for a powerbomb. He's unable to hold him, however, and Panther's momentum allows him to go over his back and take him down sunset flip style. He doesn't go for the pin, though, and instead, he rolls IRS back to his feet and into a standing headscissors of his own! The crowd comes to its feet. COACH Uh oh! COLE He's going for Da Bomb! He's going for it! IRS desperately tries to pull away, but Panther holds on, pounding him with forearm after forearm to the small of his back before wrapping his arms around his waist, lifting him high into the air and dumping him HARD onto the back of his head and neck with Da Bomb. Panther falls into the cover and hooks the leg and the referee slides into position to count... CROWD 1...2...3!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* **Cue "State Prop (You Know Us)" BUFFER Here is your winner...PAAAAAAAAAAANTHEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!!! COLE What a hard fought win that was for Panther! COACH Yeah. Taxy put up a good fight, but in the end, they don't get up from Da Bomb! COLE Absolutely right. Panther picks up the victory and gains some ever-important momentum going into Angleslam, where he does battle with his arch-rival Chris Bryte in that Steel Cage match. Fans...take another look at how this one went down. The HeldDOWN logo scrolls the screen again as we cut to a slow-motion replay of Panther's powerbomb counter into his own...Da Bomb. When the replay ends, officials are helping IRS back to the locker room, and Jackie Gayda is in the ring alongside Panther. JACKIE Alright, fans, I am standing in the ring with the man who is gonna KICK CHRIS BRYTE'S ASS this Sunday night on pay-per-view! (crowd pops) Panther, that was a great victory for you against IRS, and now the time is upon us! You finally get your chance to get Chris Bryte 1-on-1! It'll be a steel cage match! No one will be able to get in, and Chris Bryte won't be able to get out! Now we saw and heard from Chris earlier on, now Panther what are your thoughts going into Angleslam? PANTHER First of all Jackie, make no mistake about it: I saw Chris Bryte out here earlier tonight, and I heard what he had to say. He comes out here and he thinks that because he can talk in some Dr. Claw-sounding smoker's voice that I'm supposed to be intimidated by him, and frankly, I think it's pathetic and it just goes to show that what I've been saying about him all along is, indeed, THE FUCKING TRUTH, and that's that Chris Bryte is, was, and will always be the biggest joke walking the face of this earth. (crowd pops) He comes out here tonight trying to act like a tough guy, when all I've heard from him was a whole bunch of crying! He cries about a conspiracy! Cries about how he's been backed into a corner! Cries about how he's been pushed too far, well Bryte man, you'd better get used to crying because you're damn sure gonna be doing a lot of it when I get you in that cage Sunday night! Until then, you can say what you wanna say and do whatever you wanna do, it won't change the fact that come Angleslam, Chris Bryte's ass belongs to me, and I'm gonna do what I've wanted to do since day 1, and that's wipe you off this planet once and for all. JACKIE Now, Panther...I must ask you, are you even in the least bit worried about what Bryte'll do to survive against you. I mean, you saw what he did to Tommy Gunn earlier on...with the Bryte Side off the apron. Bryte's been known to stoop pretty low when his back's against the wall. PANTHER Jackie, I'm not surprised by anything Chris Bryte does...not anymore. See, all these months of dealing with Bryte have shown me exactly what type of man I'm dealing with. This guy's the lowest form of scum ever to walk the face of the earth. It's like you said, the man'll stoop to the lowest depths he can stoop to in order to survive, and the only reason he's been able to beat me in the past is because I've sat back and tried to do the right thing! While he's been playing dirty, I've been running around here playing Mr. Nice Guy. Well fans, I want each and every last one of you to take a good look, because from here on in, the "nice guy" Panther is dead! (crowd pops) Chris Bryte! For months you've been asking the question! Time after time, you've come out here and asked me to bring back the OLD Panther! Well damn it, Sunday night, you're gonna get all of the OLD Panther you can handle, and then some! For every depth you stoop to, Bryte, I guarantee you that I'll stoop lower! For every dirty trick you try to pull, I'll pull two! Bryte, I will stop at NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING when it comes to making you and Kevin Taylor pay! Pay for everything you've done to me! Everything you've done to Tina! For all the pain you've caused J-Dogg...a guy I've known since the day I broke into this business. A guy I've traveled with...someone I've wrestled night in and night out, and despite our differences over the years, he's someone I had the utmost respect for! Bryte...you're gonna pay for what you did to him! I swear on my life that I'm gonna make you pay for it!!!! Panther lowers his head for a moment and takes a deep long breath. He then looks up at the camera with fury and intensity in his eyes. PANTHER Once again, NOTHING is gonna stop me, Bryte, from taking you out in that cage! I don't care what you try to do, I don't care what I have to do, but in the end, you're gonna get what's coming to you, Bryte, and whether you like it, or whether Taylor likes it, it really doesn't matter, because in the end--now more than ever--there's no right way, there's no wrong way, there's only the Panther's way! And Bryte man...you had damn sure better believe that there that there can't AND WON'T be any other way!!!!! JACKIE Let's here it for Panther! "State Prop (You Know Us)" starts up over the PA system once again as Panther raises his right fist into the air and heads over to the ropes. COLE Well fans, he looks ready, and he certainly sounds ready! What a war it's gonna be this Sunday night at Angleslam when Panther faces Chris Bryte! COACH I can't wait! The fans a giving Panther a huge ovation as he steps out onto the apron with intensity still on his face. He then hops from the apron... ...AND GOES DOWN CLUTCHING HIS KNEE!!!!!! COACH What?! COLE Oh no! Miss Jackie and the referee quickly rush out to the floor to check on Panther, who's screaming in pain as he holds his right knee. After conferring with Panther for a moment, the referee looks towards the locker room and holds up an "X" symbol. Panther's music stops abruptly as officials rush out to the locker room to come to his aid. COLE Oh no! COACH Panther may have just hurt that knee. COLE This is not good! This is not good going into Angleslam! Panther continues to scream and clutch at his knee as we fade to commercial. (Go to break)

COLE Well...I for one cannot wait for AngleSlam, live on Pay Per View this coming Sunday. It promises to be one hell of a show, topped off by what could be one of the most memorable matches in OAOAST history...with Crystal and Zack Malibu, Submit or Surrender for the World Heavyweight Championship. That's gonna be one hell of a battle. COACH No doubt 'bout it! From what we've seen from Zack in recent weeks, I would not wanna be in Crystal's pretty little shoes. COLE I agree. It seems like Zack Malibu is ADDICTED to being the World Champion, which is bad for anybody who attempts to take it from him... COACH ...what are these people yelling for? COLE What? COACH The people. Yelling. COLE They're just happy to be here, live for HeldDOWN~! And why not? COACH Eh, if you say so. COLE Well, aren't you happy to be here Coach? COACH I'd say it was more 'relieved to have a job'...but that another story for another day. Now, we were talking about Crystal. Let's keep doing that. That's the kind of subject I li... "PIZZA!" COLE Huh? "PIIIZZZAAAAA!!!" COACH Ok, I totally didn't imagine that one. "GEEEEEET YOUR PIIIZZZAAAAA!!!" Suddenly, the reason for the commotion in the arena is revealed...as Leon Rodez emerges behind Coach and Cole at Announce Central, dressed like one of the food vendors that roam the arena. Only, rather than chilli dogs and beer, Rodez seems to be carrying a stack of pizza boxes. RODEZ Heeeey, Mickey! You wan a'pizza? COLE Err...SURE, sure! What have you got? RODEZ Okaaay! I gotta tha pepperoni...I gotta the Margherita...I gotta your Slim Jim special... COLE A what? RODEZ Oh...I ran into Savage on the way here and, well, you know him. He snapped a Slim Jim...onto one of the pizzas. COACH Ugh. RODEZ Yeah. So, eh...you wanna da pizza? COLE Yeah, we'll have a pepperoni cheers. RODEZ Anchovies? COACH Yeah... COLE No... RODEZ ...pineapple? COACH No thanks... COLE Yeah, I'll have pineapple... RODEZ ...riiight. Chilli? COACH Nah, I'm not too bad thanks... COLE AND RODEZ ... COACH ...Oh, right. Yeah, chilli's fine. The Coach likes it spicy, baby! COLE What, uhm, what type of pizzas are they anyway. It's just, my nutritionist is pretty strict on how much fat I can intake at a time. After all, without my looks I'd be nothing. RODEZ ... COLE Leon? RODEZ Oh, sorry, I thought you were kidding. Nah, don't worry about it Mickey. Rest assure, they're all...'Stone baked'. So, it's two pepperonies...one with pineapple and one with anchovies. I'll level with you guys, those both sound pretty disgusting, so... "WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Suddenly Rodez stops and turns towards the aisleway, as do Coach and Cole, as suddenly an angry looking Drek Stone bursts through the curtain and begins to stride down the ramp. STONE Now, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing out here kid! But whatever it is, I don't think I like it! With his striding getting faster and faster, Drek quickly reaches the ring and rolls in...making sure he doesn't crease up his immaculate suit as he does so. Meanwhile Rodez watches on from behind the announce position, glaring at the man who cost him the X-Division Title last week but still managing to smile with half of his mouth, knowing he's pissed Drek off. STONE What is this? Huh!?! Look at you...you look RIDICULOUS! Walking around, selling pizzas. Is that supposed to be funny? Eh!?! Is that supposed to be some sort of 'rib' on me. You think you're funny? Do ya!?! RODEZ ...man, this guy needs to relax... STONE LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU LITTLE PUNK! And Rodez does just that, with both men locking eyes and glaring angrily at the other. STONE I don't know if you know just who in the hell I am, but judging from your actions I'm guessing that you don't. I'm DREK STONE! And you DON'T mess with me! Get it!?! It's all very well running around trying to embarrass people, making fun of people. But I ain't 'people'. I'm Drek Stone. And you don't make fun of me, you don't disrespect me and you don't disrespect my heritage. Do you hear me!?! Suddenly Rodez places his pizza box collection into Coach's lap, covering his cream pants with grease, before hopping over the barrier to a pop from the crowd! Quickly he takes a microphone from ringside and grabs his boxes back, before walking from around the back of the table and sliding the boxes into the ring. STONE Yeah...yeah that's right, you get in this damn ring! Rolling in, Rodez manages a grin as the crowd cheer for him, before turning back and locking eyes with Stone. STONE Kid...you've either got a lot of balls or not a lot of brains to do what you're doing right now. Either way, I suggest you explain yourself... RODEZ Explain myself!?! Me!?! You know, the irony of that is staggering. Before I explain anything, how about you explain to me and to all of these people just why you screwed me out of the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt! STONE You mean, you don't know? Are you not smart enough to work that out or sumthin'? It's like I just said, nobody messes with me and nobody disrespects me without paying the punishment. You wanna make wise cracks about me? Then you pay the punishment. What, did you think that I was suddenly your buddy? Did you really think that I was out there as a special guest referee to help you win a championship belt, considering the disrespect you paid me after I lost my belt? Ha! If you really thought that, you're stupider than you look. RODEZ Oh believe me, I'm not stupid enough to trust a snake like you. STONE Ooh, I'm a 'snake', huh? Somebody hold me, because that one really hurt. You're PATHETIC Rodez. You... are... path... et... ic! Believe me, I've had stronger, tougher, braver men make wise-cracks at me than you. And they all ended up in the same way...a BAD way! By now, Stone has slowly closed in on Rodez and the two men are nose to nose...or as close as possible, with their slight height difference. STONE Now, I've checked and checked with Northstar...on more than one occassion. Rest assured, I've GOT you ate AngleSlam. Oh yeah. You and me kid, one on one. And rest assured that when I say I've got you...I have got you right where I want you. I have seen more and done more in my career than you will ever hope to do. The way I see it, you're nothing...but a punk kid. Some hotshot nobody. You've got some nice abs, snappy haircut, a way with the ladies...and that makes you think that you can hang with men like myself. Only, you're forgetting that you're not a man. You're a child. In my world, you're below a child. You're a baby in my world kid. What are you...nineteen, twenty... RODEZ Twenty ye... STONE You're twenty. Have you ever smoked a cigar in your life? Ever had a beverage with anything above 0.01% alcohol content? Ever slept with a woman? RODEZ Believe me, I've slept with more woman than you've had hot dinners. Or, should that be...hot pizzas... Suddenly Drek snaps, lunging forward and grabbing Rodez by the jaw and pulling the youngster up close and personal, until they are lierally nose to nose, glaring deep into Rodez's eyes. STONE You just...don't get it...do you. You DON'T want to PISS me OFF! Stone releases his grip on Rodez and pushes him casually away, leaving Rodez to grab his jaw in a mixture of disbelief and anger. "KICK HIS ASS!" *CLAPCLAP!* "KICK HIS ASS RO - DEZ! KICK HIS ASS!" *CLAPCLAP!* The crowd start chanting, imploring Rodez to retaliate. But for some reason, Leon simply turns back to Stone and grins at him. STONE Kid...rest assured, you have never been in the ring with a man like me. Sure, you've faced the Zack Malibus, Calvin Szechsteins and Chris Brytes of this world. But you've never faced anyone like me. I know enough about you to know you're a 'fun' type of guy. You like to have fun. Got a lot of youthful exuberance. Your efforts go into pleasing these fans. Me? Well, I'm totally different. See...I'm not a nice guy. ESPECIALLY when people make me angry. Where as you enjoy pleasing people, I enjoy hurting people. And at AngleSlam, I'm really going to enjoy hurting you. RODEZ Well, that's all great Drek. Real great. But, what happens if you lose exactly? That'd be...what, three big events in a row that your ass has been beaten? I'm guessing The Don wouldn't like that... Drek starts to move forward towards Rodez, but he backs off enough steps to stay out of his way. RODEZ Woah woah, easy there Drek. Easy. Man, you're pretty tetchy for an Italian. I thought you guys were supposed to be all chilled out, relaxed. STONE That's what you get for basing opinions off of children's television and dumb sitcoms. RODEZ Oh, well, at least you have a sense of humour. So, maybe we can...forgive and forget? I mean, I was only ribbing you. That quip about 'The Don' and the whole pizza thing. I was only joking around. Come on, you really think I'd be trying to piss you off? Why? Look, this has got all out of hand. I'm looking forward to wrestling you at Angle Slam don't get me wrong, but I'm not trying to make a fool out of you. Infact... Rodez turns, rather cautiously, his back to Stone and grabs the stack of pizza boxes from across the ring. Fuming, Drek tries to calm himself down, thinking that his words have gotten to Rodez, as the New Age Love Machine walks back over. RODEZ ...there's no pizza in the boxes. COACH What? I was looking forward to that. RODEZ But, there is something in there for you that I kinda wanted to give you. It's only in a pizza box so I could get you out here...to give you it. STONE What is it? Dead fish? Plate of spaghetti? Picture of Tony Soprano? What are you planning to embarass me with this time. RODEZ Look, Drek, I don't NEED to embarass you... Rodez mouths the words trust me, but Drek obviously doesn't. All the same, he seems to want this whole incident over and done with, so grabs the top of the pizza and pulls it open... *PHHHHFF!* ...AND GETS SPRAYED IN THE EYES BY A SHOT OF WHITE POWDER! "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What the hell was that!?! COLE That...that was powder! The pizza box was booby trapped! It was booby trapped! Never in all my years of commentating on wrestling have I seen an inanimate object be booby trapped! RODEZ See! I don't NEED to embarass you. You're more than capable of doing that yourself! Suddenly Rodez throws the boxes to his side, dropping the microphone as he does and measuring Stone, who is staggering around dis-orientated with his hands clasped over his eyes. Stumbling around, Drek gets nailed with a boot to the gut and has his arms double-underhooked. The grin has disappeared from Rodez's face now, as he grunts in anger and lifts Stone up in the air, before sitting out with a Tiger Driver on Stone! COLE Tiger Driver! Stone is down! COACH This is horrible! With Stone laid out, Rodez rolls to his feet and raises his arms in the air, all the while glaring down at Stone...who is out cold, his face covered in the white powder. Finally, a smile re-emerges on Leon's face, as he kneels down next to Stone and slaps him in the face to wake him up, before hovering over him and chuckling... "See ya Sunday, paizan!" ...and then quickly rolling out of the ring, before the temporarily blinded Stone swings with a weak punch which hits nothing but thin air! "You Sexy Thing" hits, as Rodez strolls smugly up the ramp. Meanwhile, Stone starts to claw at his eyes, before letting out a cry of anger at what just happened. COLE I think the anté has been raised ahead of AngleSlam, as far as Drek Stone and Leon Rodez are concerned. This one is more than about retribution now...this is about saving face! This is personal now! COACH Ya think? Drek Stone has been humiliated in front of thousands of people by that damn kid Rodez, he's been left laying in the ring...and I NEVER got my pizza! COLE Don't worry, I'm got the number for Domino's. COACH Ah, cool...do they have fishsticks? COLE IT'S NOT RED LOBSTER!!! YOU SAID YOU WANTED PIZZA NOT FISHSTICKS! HOW CAN I DEAL WITH YOU IF YOU'RE ALWAYS CHANGING YOUR MIND! COACH Woah, dude. Uh, let's take a break! (Yes, let's.)

(Return from break) (We go backstage where Rick Edwards is talking with some other wrestlers when JAE runs up and blasts Rick in the back of the head with a chain covered hand.) J. ARTHUR Do you really think you have enough pull around here to get your way? Your stupid stipulation won’t mean a damn thing when I beat your ass! *JAE pulls Rick back up and slams him face first into the wall before wrapping the chain around his throat and choking him with it. Rick’s face starts to turn different colors as JAE chokes the life out of him.* J. ARTHUR I helped you! I made you into a man instead of some cartoon! I led you to the X Division Title and you thank me by turning on me!? That title is basically mine because without me you never would have gotten near it! I was the one who helped you injure AJ Flaire so you could beat him! I made you twice the man you were before! You owe me that title because you’re just wasting it! *JAE lets go of the choke and Rick gasps for air. JAE goes to strike again, but Parka, Judas, Eddy, and Leah run up and chase him off. Rick then struggles over to the wall and leans against it.* RICK Dammit I’m sick of him always getting the drop on me! Maybe he’s right…maybe I’m not what I used to be. EDDY Nonsense! He’s just trying to get inside your head! He didn’t make you into anything! RICK No, but he made me forget who I am. Come AngleSlam it’s time to change that. It’s time to do something I never thought I’d do again! *We fade out on the confused looks of those around Rick as he pulls himself to his feet.* (Go somewhere else backstage) Stephen Joseph Cappa! The Mad Cappa turns around in a backstage hallway at the sound of his voice. He gulps and tears off running down the hallway away from Stephen Joseph. Stephen runs and pursues, catching up to Cappa slowly. Cappa turns and ducks into a hallway on the right. Our cameraman jostles around trying to keep up with Stephen. Stephen turns into the hallway and WHAM~! BAM~! ANDREW HYLAND appears from nowhere with a steel chair right at SJ's head, knocking him down and out cold. Hyland throws the chair down as Cappa rejoins him. Hyland YOU don't mess with a HERO. Cappa You were right. It did work. Hyland With his ego, you bet. Cappa C'mon, let's go. We got our point across. Hyland Aww Man, I want to take on Inten5e man! Cappa Four on Two? We're smarter than that. At AngleSlam, we've got to be smarter. Oh and Popick. YOU DON'T KNOW ME! ::kick to the stomach of SJ:: (Go to the arena)

(Return from break) CORNETTE We're back live, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, formerly known as Arm & Hammer Baking Soda, Michigan, because city officials tried to cover up the stink of this "town", with the debut edition of an old-time classic -- The Louisville Slugger! I'm your host Jim Cornette. Now that the New New Midnight Express are right where they belong as kings of tag team wrestling--one of the questions I'm asked the most from pimply-faced fanboys is: "What's the deal with Simon & Ned? I don't know much about them." Well, my special guests on the Louisville Slugger will spill the beans right after this. A banner reading "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" lowers from the rafters. If you thought the OAOAST couldn't get anymore retro, Jim Cornette is standing on the interview stage positioned on the side of the set. CORNETTE Whooooo! Am I a man of my word or what? I told the wrestling world my New New Midnight Express would become tag team champions, and last week they did just that, beating the Global Party XChange. So spit that pizza out, put down your beer, because ladies and gentlemen, here they are, if they could rearrange the alphabet they'd put "F" & "U" together, the undisputed OAOAST tag team champions of the world, "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned...the New New Midnight Express! With a beat to their step the NNMX walk down the aisle, carrying the old and new tag titles over their shoulders as "Chase" blares through the arena. Their long, bright orange robes with black trim certainly stand out. But don't you just love tag teams wearing matching ring attire? Oh, the unity. Once the Midnights are in the ring, they share a manly group hug with their polyster-loving manager. NED Owww, I feel good! CORNETTE (laughing) You look good, too. You both do, as a matter of fact, moreso now that you have tag team gold around your waists. But let's get right to it--tell the people a little bit about yourselves. Simon, let's start with you. SIMON Hi. My name is Simon Singleton, a.k.a. "Sarcastic" Simon. CORNETTE & "NARCISSISTIC" NED Hi, "Sarcastic" Simon. SIMON Hi. I was born and raised in Charleston, South Carolina, grew up on the National Wrestling Alliance, Ric Flair, Jim Cornette & the Midnight Express. Little did I know years later I'd hook up with Jimmy and form the most successful incarnation of the Midnights since Eaton & Lane. I began training as a wrestler when I was 17, had my first pro match when I was 22, toured the independent circuit until coming across another man by the name of Ned Blanchard. Ned & I have been a team ever since. In early 2004, we wrestled at an indy show in Ohio, where none other than Jim Cornette was in attendence, scouting talent. He tried to get us into OVW, but we wanted nothing to do with Vinnie Mac's circus. We got offers from other promotions offering us more money and guaranteed title shots but Jimmy said he knew the perfect place for us--the OAOAST. Why? Because a year or so earlier, Jimmy got screwed over by the suits and some punk kid pretending to be a mat purist. Last week we cleansed the sins of wrestlings past. We stand before you today...champions! CORNETTE Amen, brother Simon. Neddy, it's all yours. NED Hi. My name is Ned Blanchard, a.k.a. "Narcissistic" Ned. CORNETTE & "SARCASTIC" SIMON Hi, "Narcissistic" Ned. NED Blanchard's the name, wrestling's my game. I'm young, I'm hung, I look like I was carved out of stone, but look, don't touch. CORNETTE Neddy, I understand you were a bit rambunctious when you were younger. SIMON You're putting Oprah to shame, Jimmy. CORNETTE Well, I kinda thought of myself more as a Sally Jessie Raphael-type but I recently served on a jury, so I guess we kinda do have something in common. Some guy was on trial for assaulting a clerk at Dairy Queen. I kinda sympathized with him, you know? It was a hung jury. That wasn't the only thing hung that night if you get my drift. NED I love the women, and the women love me. I'm a chick magnate, attracting the hottest women in Hollywood the likes of Nicole Kidman, J-Lo -- but I did it to tap that ass. The only footnote in history I want to leave behind is being apart of the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, not J-Lo's fourth "husband" -- I've even dated Cher. Paris Hilton wanted of piece of this (rubbing his chest) but I'm no man-whore. CORNETTE You know I used to manage a gigolo? NED Jimmy Del Ray. SIMON Are you Jimmy Ray? Are you Jimmy Ray? Who wants to know? Who wants to know about...? CORNETTE Well, I kinda thought of myself more as a Sally Jessie Raphael-type but I recently served on a jury, so I guess we kinda do have something in common. Some guy was on trial for assaulting a clerk at Dairy Queen. I kinda sympathized with him, you know? I was the only one who voted not guilty, causing a hung jury. That wasn't the only thing hung that night if you get my drift. Anyhoo, let's talk about AngleSlam and our match against Black T. Even though we just won the titles last week, the new champs must fulfill the contractual obligations of the previous titleholders. Meaning: the New New Midnight Express must face Black T at AngleSlam. NED Well, Jimmy, we came thisclose to defeating Black T at License to Pin. It was a tough back-and-forth match that showcased the renewed intensity in the tag division. A lot of people wonder why we don't get along with Black T. (Holding up the tag title) This is why--the tag team championship, the fuel that starts our fire. We don't hate Black T, but when they want something that means so much to us, it's personal. Tag team wrestling has become a lost art in a world where the glitz and glamour of singles fame corrupts the minds of many. Take the United States Olympic basketball team for example--full of singles stars who cannot make an outside shot to save their lives. That separates us from every other tag team in the OAOAST, we're a team that'll do the little things to win. CORNETTE I couldn't have said it better myself. Dan Black & T-Bod, this time we're the champions and you're the challengers. Now you have to beat us. After we're done with you, you're gonna be wishing you were facing GPX instead of the NNMX. "Chase" hits as the NNMX & Cornette taunt the fans. COLE The NNMX very confident going into AngleSlam this Sunday. Black T thought their return shot would come against GPX but it wasn't met to be, the NNMX defeated them for the gold and will take their place against the former champions, the team many claim restored the pride into tag team wrestling in the OAOAST. What a match it'll be. Jim Cornette's New New Midnight Express vs. Jivin' J.R.'s Black T. Cornette & the Midnights continue to taunt the fans as we go to break... ...Or so we thought. The "Mission Accomplished" banner falls on top of all 3 men who fight their way out of it. Looking confused, the guys grab their titles and hightail it -- looking around to see if anybody's coming at them. COLE Somebody is sending the NNMX a message. But who? COACH I bet its Little Black Book starring Brittany Murphy. COLE Uh yeah. Anyway lets hear word from them and our other sponsors! (Go to break)

(Return from break) COLE You know Coach, that cage has been hanging over the ring all night, and we still don't know why. COACH Mikey, I think even worse than not knowing what it's here for is knowing what could take place inside it this Sunday. Suddenly, "Nothing" kicks up, and the fans explode with jeers as the lights dim. Through the golden pyro shower than encases the entranceway walks the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Zack Malibu. Dressed to kill in black pants and a metallic gray, almost silver button down shirt, Zack strolls to the ring with his title belt draped over his shoulder. After circling ringside to take possession of the microphone from Michael Buffer, Malibu steps into the ring and holds his belt up as the blue spotlight shines down on him, illuminating his cocky pose for all the crowd to see. Zack continues to pace the ring and trash talk the fans as his music fades, and once the lights come up, we see many a fan weilding an anti-Zack sign, or taunting the champ right back. Despite the heckling, Malibu proceeds to start his promo, until he's sidetracked by the crowd chanting his name in a rather aggrivating tone. "MAL-I-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "MAL-I-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" His cocky swagger and smirk replaced with a sickened scowl, Malibu takes the mic to his lips and speaks. MALIBU Very cute. Rather witty too, I might add. But just because you can say my name doesn't mean that you know who I am, people. Not one of you sitting in a seat, whether it's on the floor or up in the nosebleeds has any idea of who I am anymore! Face it, the Zack Malibu you want is long gone. The one you think I am...hell, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet, and that's why I'm out here tonight. I'm out here to enlighten you all about something. I'm here to tell you exactly what's going to happen when this monstrosity, this structure that hangs above our heads surrounds the ring this Sunday. So do yourselves a favor, and just sit back, all you guys take a few more sips of beer so that you can gain the beer balls to boo me...go ahead, do it. All you women, and you pissant brats out there, go on and stuff your faces full of nacho's and that cardboard pizza they're serving...hell, I don't care what you do, as long as you sit back, shut up, and let me tell you about the facts of life. COACH Man, why does he wanna talk about THAT show? I mean, Tutti was hot, but that was the only thing good about it. COLE I don't think he meant the sitcom, Coach. And everyone knows Blair was the hottest. COACH Whoa, Mikey Cole big pimpin' on the c-lebs! COLE Um...ok, Coach. MALIBU You see, this Sunday, the OAOAST once again will make history on something I do. They will once again reap the benefits that my name value and my championship reign can bring them. This Sunday, when we cross the pond into jolly ol' England, the tension will be at a fever pitch. People will be on the edge of their seats. Then, as the night draws to a close and Michael Buffer announces that final match, you fans will pop as you hear "Set It Off" for the last time! COACH Is Crystal changing her theme after the show? COLE Somehow, I don't think that's what he means, Jonathan. MALIBU That's right, I said for the LAST time. When Crystal walks to that ring, looking all spunky and focused like a ball of fire, you'll cheer her. You'll encourage her. You'll want her to kick my ass, right? The fans cheer, and some simply shout out "Yeah!" as an answer to Malibu's question. MALIBU Well then, I hope you don't have guilty conscience's, because it will be YOU who pushes Crystal into this...it will be YOU who makes her sign her death warrant, because I guarantee you there is no way she's walking out of London, England PERIOD, nevermind with MY OAOAST World Title around her scrawny little waist! The crowd boos, and Malibu simply laughs to himself, as he suckered them into that one pretty well. MALIBU Heh, go ahead and boo. Boo me now, because you know what, you won't be doing that for long. You see, you fans are far too fickle. You're all nothing more than bandwagon jumpers, ready to latch onto the next big thing and ride the wave until it dies out. Just a few months back, you were dying...DYING for Sly Sommers to be your hero, and he couldn't cut hit, could he? Then it was that primadonna Northstar, a man who couldn't STAND you people and did everything in his power to ruin this company...but because he opened his mouth to me, you cheered him? Now, it's Crystal's turn. Well, I've got news for you people...after this Sunday, she won't be around anymore. She'll be a broken shell of a girl spending her nights thinking about what could have been as the Canadian nights grow colder. She'll be just another notch in my belt, a footnote in the history of this company. Come this Sunday, you'll realize, as I walk out of that ring with this belt held high above my head that I was RIGHT! That I warned you that the dream was over for Crystal! And like the sheepdogs you are, you'll see that I'm everything I claim to be and more! You'll see that this company runs on MY star power! That this belt BELONGS AROUND MY WAIST! You'll see that Zack Malibu is the one true star in this company, head and shoulders above everybody else, and you will WANT to cheer me! You'll be BEGGING to be my fans again! You'll make signs, you'll call my name, you'll roar in approval at the things I do...and I won't care less! Because it was YOU PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS HAPPEN! YOU turned your backs on ME! YOU are responsible for Crystal's fall from grace! YOU are responsible for setting up these "heroes" of yours like bowling pins, only for me and The Thrillogy to knock them down! Then you want to crawl back to me, realizing that there's no hope, no "new era" about to start? I DON'T THINK SO! When I walk into arenas, and little Bobby runs up for an autograph, do you think I'll sign it? NO! NO! What I WILL do is tell him that he's nothing more than the result of an unwanted pregnancy! If I'm at the bar, and someone claims to be my biggest fan and wants to buy me a drink...I'll take it. I'll take it, and I'll spit it right in his god damn face, because I don't NEED his praise. I don't NEED your support! I don't... Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending" cues up and cuts Zack off, and the fans go WILD, as Northstar appears on the ramp, making his first hD~! appearance in weeks! COLE It's Northstar! COACH He's the last person I expected to see tonight. The eccentric superstar strust down the aisleway, slapping a few hands on his stroll to the ring, while Malibu storms around inside the squared circle, pissed off that he's been interrupted. Northstar then raises his arm up, showing that he's got a mic in his hand, and jumps up onto the apron, looking Zack dead in the eye. NORTHSTAR Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllo, Zackary! *crowd pops* Malibu fumes as his old rival enters the ring, grinning like a Cheshire cat. NORTHSTAR Zack, I can't believe you. I mean, I know you're a cocky son of a bitch. I also know that you're apparently no longer on your meds, and these mood swings of yours are getting out of control. But, let me give you a little dose of reality. You see these people out here, the ones that you're ashamed of? The ones that you don't want the support of? You think that they're THAT desperate to cheer you again? Zack, honey bunches of oats, there is no way in hell that ANYONE in this crowd, or any other crowd across the globe wants to cheer YOU! In fact, call me crazy, but I think the last person they want around here is YOU! It wasn't the fans that made you this way, Zack. It wasn't the company...it was just your true shelf breaking through the shell. You put up a front for so long Zack, and heavens knows I TRIED to tell these people...but I didn't have the bond with them that you had. You put one over on them for the longest time, Zack. You did a nice job of playing spin doctor and made me out to look bad. You tried to cut Sly's career short. And for a fighting champion, you've been making excuses about Crystal's abilities since School's Out when she almost took the title on her first try. Now, admittedly I've had some Hollywood stuff going on which has kept me away from here, but I can also admit that while I'm SO looking forward to Crystal becoming the first female World Champion this Sunday, that I wish it were you and ME in the Survive Or Surrender match! The crowd roars, as a perplexed Malibu eyes Northstar. MALIBU You...you can't be serious. You wish it were YOU in the cage? NORTHSTAR I do, love. I do. MALIBU You know, Northstar, you're a weird guy. A VERY weird guy...and that was probably the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth. All I have to say is... WHAM~! Northstar gets nailed with a belthshot from Zack, who picks up his mic and finishes his sentence. MALIBU ...be careful what you wish for! With that, Malibu starts stomping the hell out of the downed Northstar, then quickly picks up the mic again. MALIBU CALVIN! HOFF! CANDIE! ANYONE OF YOU...LOWER IT! LOWER IT NOW! Malibu continues beating on Northstar, and suddenly the sound of the cage moving lower to the crowd shocks the crowd. The Survive Or Surrender cage is being lowered down! COLE Look at this! Somebody break up this madness! With Northstar still clutching his head, Zack quickly rolls out of the ring and grabs a steel chair, sliding it in and then sliding it under the bottom rope just as the cage is put in place. Northstar stands up, a fresh cut opened on his forehead thanks to the beltshot, but it seems to light a fire under him, as he tackles Zack before Malibu can pick up the steel chair. Northstar mounts Zack's shoulders, pinning him down to the mat, and hammering him with wild lefts and rights! COACH Whoa! It might be Zack who doesn't make it out of the cage TONIGHT~! The crowd is at a fever pitch, as Northstar stands up and takes the chair into his hands, raising it above his head...but then gets struck with a low blow by Malibu! Northstar drops the chair and falls to his knees, as Zack gets up, his face red with anger as he looks at his old enemy. Malibu takes the chair, and Northstar tries to get his hands up to deflect the shot, but can't... CRACK~! ...and Malibu levels him across the top of the head with a chairshot! Northstar falls backwards, more blood pouring out of the cut, as it's been widened. The blood stains the mat as Northstar rolls onto his stomach, but that doesn't stop Zack, who raises the chair up and brings it down across Northstar's back! And again! And again! And AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Northstar groans in pain after every shot, his spine absorbing the full impact of the blows. Malibu reaches down, pulling Northstar up by the head and leading him into the corner, where he stands him. Northstar, unable to stand on his own, slumps down as Zack backs off, reaching into his pocket for... BRASS KNUX! Malibu slides the brass knuckles onto his hand, and takes Northstar by the head, then viciously pounds on the cut with his right, knux covered hand! Northstar weakly grabs Zack's arm, trying to push him away, but Zack takes him by the head and leads him across the ring before throwing him facefirst into the cage wall! COLE This is a massacre! Somebody stop this! Northstar crawls across the mat, a trail of blood left in his wake, as Malibu picks up the microphone. Seeing NS trying to push himself to his feet, Malibu runs at him and nails him in the ribs with a soccer kick, doubling Northstar over! MALIBU IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED!? IS IT!? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED!? YOU KNOW WHO I AM, NORTHSTAR! YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU! I'M ZACK MALIBU, DAMMIT! Zack drops to his knees, rolling Northstar over and again pounding on his forehead with brass knuckle shots. Northstar is COVERED in blood, as his normally flamboyant looks have been replaced by a crimson mask. Malibu pulls him up and walks him over to the wall of the cage that faces the aisleway, and just rakes Northstar's face against the steel mesh, covering it in his blood! MALIBU TAKE A LOOK! WHOEVER IS BACK THERE, LOOK AT HIS FACE! CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL! THIS IS YOU, CRYSTAL! THIS IS YOU! Malibu delivers a final, sickening rake to Northstar's face before letting him drop to the canvas, tucking his head to try and avoid any further damage. Malibu turns to him, but suddenly the crowd pops HUGE... ...it's Sly Sommers and Crystal! COACH All right, baby! COLE How can they help him though, Coach! They're locked inside the cage! Remember, no way for anyone to get in or out! Crystal and Sly rush down the aisle, but stop short when they realize what they're dealing with. Malibu turns as he hears the crowd roaring, and walks over to the side of the cage, eyeing Crystal. MALIBU You want to save him? You want to save him? YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM! HE'S MINE! JUST LIKE YOU'LL BE MINE THIS SUNDAY! Malibu turns around and drops to the mat, again pounding on Northstar's face. Once again, Northstar is led up to his feet, and Malibu drags him over to the cage wall facing Crystal and Sly, then rubs his face hard into the mesh. MALIBU DO YOU SEE THIS? DO YOU? THIS IS YOU, CRYSTAL! THIS IS GOING TO BE YOU!! Northstar can't take anymore, and screams in pain, while Crystal turns away in disgust, unable to take the torture her friend is going through. Crystal freezes, unsure of what to do, until Sly calls back to the dressing room, telling someone, ANYONE to go and find the controls that will lift the cage up so Northstar can be spared. Meanwhile back in the ring, Malibu drops the mic and takes the chair in his hands once again, leaning Northstar up against the ropes before FLOORING him with a sick chairshot! Northstar falls forward, unable to fight back anymore...but Malibu keeps on him, rolling him onto his back and driving the chair edge down into his throat repeatedly! Zack turns back to look at Crystal, who mouths "you sonofabitch" to him and tries to climb the cage wall...but Malibu hammers the wall with the chair, nearly breaking her hands! Crystal jumps back down, angered that she can't do anything about this. COLE My God this is just brutal! We need to get some help out here! COACH Wire cutters, bolt cutters, SOMETHING! C'mon Sly...ANYONE! With Northstar gagging on his own blood, Malibu stands over him, holding the chair in one hand and the mic in another. MALIBU Crystal...it didn't have to be this way. I tried to tell you. God knows I tried to spare you...BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN WOULD YOU!? NONE OF YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? DO YOU KNOW...NO! NO YOU DON'T! The pyschotic Malibu pulls Northstar up, acting as the only support for his limp body as it struggles to stand on spaghetti legs. MALIBU SUNDAY NIGHT, THIS IS YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME! YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR FATE, CRYSTAL! YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND! THIS IS YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS! Malibu throws the mic down and takes the chair, folding it OVER Northstar's head so that it's stuck in the opening! Zack shoves Northstar down to the canvas, and both Crystal and Sly are now joined by the GPX, Leon Rodez, even Jim Cornette and Josh Matthews rush out in concern for Northstar. Malibu runs around the ring like a wildman, kicking the cage walls and calling everyone on to come get him, before going to the corner near Northstar. Malibu hops up onto the top rope, his evil eyes focused on the fallen fan favorite in the ring. COLE No, for the love God Zack, think twice! COACH He can't Michael, he just can't... He can, and he does! Malibu jumps off the top, stomping down on the edge of the chair so that it closes down on Northstar's throat! COLE MY GOD NO! HE'S GOING TO KILL THIS MAN! Blood is immediately coughed up, and the ring canvas is now more red than it's usual blue tint. Zack Malibu shows no remorse or concern, as he simply walks over to where his World belt lays, and scoops it up, then walks over to Northstar's fallen body and stands over it, raising the belt up high to the largest amount of heel heat you'll ever hear. COACH Is it over! I mean, is he finally... COLE I don't know what to say right now, fans... As Malibu poses, the cage shakes slightly, scaring him, but drawing a pop from the crowd. Suddenly, the cage begins to lift up, and the enraged OAOAST roster begin to fill the ring! Malibu backs off, but none are coming for him, as everyone is more concerned with Northstar. Medics are already in place and enter the ring, asking the talent to back away while they tend to him. Malibu stands in the background, smirking at what he's done, until Crystal turns to him and bolts for him, only to be held back by Sly Sommers and Scotty Static. Crying and enraged, Crystal has choice words for Zack, telling him "I'll kill you for this, Zack! I swear I'll kill you for this!" In typical Malibu fashion, he brushes it off, and quietly ducks out of the ring, as the OAOAST roster members look on in disbelief at his passive attitude towards this vicious assault. Malibu walks up the ramp, and the scene cuts back to the ring, where everyone in attendance watches on with grave concern. Northstar is loaded up on a stretcher, and despite their efforts to clean him off, blood is still dripping from his head. Crystal is the most upset of all, not only for her friend, but perhaps out of fear of what could come this Sunday when she's confined within the Survive Or Surrender cage. COLE Fans...I...I'm honestly speechless right now. I don't think it's fair to sensationalize this assault, or to use it as a ratings grabber, so I'm asking that we cut to commercial while we deal with this. Just cut...I don't care if it's commercial time, just take us off the friggin' channel for a bit. Cut. (Go to a loooooong break) (Return from long break) COLE Okay, um...we're back. So...let's get on with the show. Shall we? Yep. COACH Well, this match should be a barnburner, it's the debut of "El Guapo Guerrero" Rick Shirley.. COLE Ugh.. COACH He'll be facing Phoenix here. Haha. COLE This might be an easy test for this weird man COACH I hear he's ready backstage [We cut to "El Guapo Guerrero" Rick Shirley prancing around backstage.] SHIRLEY I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and pretty and gay! and I pity, any boy who I face tonight! Colesy and Coach Man get to call it, but we know that I am going to be winning. Phoenix.. i'm going to make you feel things you ain't ever felt before. Sweetie, you better hope I'm a good doctor tonight. Because I'll be doing a search on you. Awww yeeaaah! I'll find my keys daddio! Mah god, I'll make you a maaaaan! Owww-ast.. I will show you that I am special and I am ready to kick some ass! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHH [We cut back to ringside. Where Coach is disgusted and Cole is bent over a trash can] ANNOUNCER In the ring, from El Paso, Texas, weighing in at 185 pounds, Phoenix! [We see Phoenix in the ring] [The lights dim] ANNOUNCER Coming down the aisle, from the Valley of Love and War, weighing in at 230 pounds, "El Guapo Guerrero" Rick Shirley! ["All you need is love" by the Beatles starts to play. Confetti starts falling from the ceiling. We see El Guapo Guerrero walk out to the jeers of the fans. He's carrying his confetti-gun. He struts down to the ringside area. He then gets on the announcers table and starts to dance in front of Michael Cole.] COACH Come on Cole, put a dollar bill down his tights SHIRLEY Big boy, that's not all you can put there! COLE Bleeeccchhh [shirley jumps off of the table and slides into the ring. He stands on the second turnbuckle and fires confetti into the crowd.] COLE This is sick COACH Well, the match has started Shirley locks up with Phoenix and then breaks the lockup. He goes behind Phoenix and smacks him on the ass. Phoenix replies with punches and Shirley counters with a Judo takedown. Shirley pins Phoenix's wrists to the ground and licks his chest. COLE I hate this Shirley lifts Phoenix to his feet and slams him on the canvas. He then gives him an elbowdrop. Shirley blows Phoenix a kiss as he gets up. COLE These fans aren't liking Rick Shirley COACH Intolerant people.. it's because he's half-Latino Shirley pinches Phoenix's cheek and Phoenix whips Shirley towards the ropes and hits him with a dropkick, sending Shirley to the floor. Shirley lays on the railing and Phoenix charges towards him with a tope but Shirley moves and Phoenix hits the guardrail. COLE This might be it for Phoenix. Shirley smiles and lifts Phoenix up to his feet. He then whips Phoenix into the ringpost. Shirley prances towards Phoenix and throws him into the ring. Shirley then picks Phoenix up and kisses him on the mouth. COLE That's just too much! Shirley then picks Phoenix up and hits the Heartbreak Hotel on him. Shirley hooks a leg and covers Phoenix with his crotch directly over Phoenix's face. ONE! TWO! THREE! COLE Rick Shirley is your winner! COACH And he's making out with Phoenix.. COLE That was a disturbing match COACH And he's carrying Phoenix to the back. Somebody's gonna get some tonight! COLE Oh god.. let's go to break COACH Hopefully Rick Shirley respects the Luchadore tradition and allows Phoenix to keep his mask on during anal sex.. COLE Oh.. bbbblaaaaaarrrggghhhh [Rick Shirley walks up to the announcers table and puts Phoenix down on the table] SHIRLEY Oh Colesy.. care to join me and Phoenix in a Hardcore match? COLE Oh god.. COACH Come on Cole, give in to your homosexual urges! SHIRLEY Coach Man.. you're invited too COACH No thanks, I got some work to do. SHIRLEY I got a big announcement.. Colesy, it could pertain to you too. [Rick Shirley gets the mic from the ring announcer.] SHIRLEY Boys and Girls.. I got a huuuuuuge opportunity. I'm launching my own.. [shirley smiles] SHIRLEY oh.. it's too much.. it's a DIVA SEARCH! It's open to any male or female, ages 18 to 27, to join me as my diva. If you win, you get a $300 dollar a month contract, you're bound to be my sex slave and you get your name known. Send your one minute tapes in any streaming format and any info to me at [email protected]. It's an opportunity of a lifetime, even for Michael Cole. Oooooooh yeeeeah. [shirley tosses the mic down and walks up to Cole. Shirley then licks his bicep and hugs Cole before picking up Phoenix and walking off.] COLE Does it disturb anybody that we didn't even try to save Phoenix? COACH Well, do you want to get in the way of El Guapo Guerrero? COLE Still.. I feel bad COACH Well, does he pay that diva contract in rape dollars? COLE That's just fucked up.. let's move on COACH You should enter the contest! COLE Let's go to a break (Do what Coach says!!!!!!!!)

(Return from break) The arena lights dim as "It's Goin' Down" hits the PA system. A dim blue hue covers the crowd, and white strobe lights flash upon the entrance. Watch them flee Watch them flee Wa...Wa...Watch them flee [hip hop hits] *Scratch**Scratch* And you do it like this... The crowd voices its disapproval as Chris Bryte struts onto the stage with Kevin Yancy Taylor trailing close behind; as always, Bryte's wearing his trademark shades. He taunts the fans from the stage, practically revelling in the boos before he and Taylor start down the ramp to the ring. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently coming down the aisle...being accompanied by his uncle and media representative, Kevin Yancy Taylor...hailing from Topeka, Kansas and weighing in tonight at 175 pounds...he is the self-proclaimed Brytest Rising Star in Professional Wrestling...CHRIS...BRRRRRRRYYYYYYYTE! The crowd boos as Bryte throws up a double fist and slides into the ring. COLE Well there you see him. The one and only Chris Bryte. Last week this idiot made an ass out of himself and embarrassed us all again with a brutal...and absolutely unnecessary attack on Tina! She's not here tonight as a result of injuries she sustained in that attack, but fans, what made things worse was that this idiot had the gall to attack police officers. He attacked a couple of cops, then blindsided Panther--who had come to Tina's aid--leaving him bloodied and beaten as well. Bryte was arrested last week, and rightfully so. COACH Yeah, and right after Bill Watts took the time to admonish Panther about the negative publicity brought on by his arrests. COLE Exactly. Watts was none too happy, as we saw in that board meeting from earlier on, and consequently, the match has been signed for this Sunday night on PPV! It'll be a Steel Cage Match: Panther vs. Bryte! Pinfalls and submissions only, folks! And joining us right now... TAYLOR Yes Michael Cole, let it ring! Ring from the tops of the highest mountain right on down to the depths of the deepest canyon, for it is I...KEVIN...YANCY...TAYLOR, here to offer the two of you another lesson in broadcast journalism. I know that after the *smashing* job I did last week, the two off you are oh so happy to have me back. COLE Oh yes Kevin. We're just estatic. TAYLOR And I don't blame you. Hiya, Coach. How's the wife? Still inflatable? COLE Stop. Well Kevin, we were just discussing the match signed for Angleslam this sunday night... TAYLOR Oh, don't get me started on that piece of malarkey, Cole. That buffoon Bill Watts--who the heck does he think he is? My nephew has beaten Panther! He's beaten him just about everytime he's stepped in the ring with him. He should be finished with Panther, but instead, he's being strong-armed into another match--a cage match at that--and it's absolutely unfair. I mean, my nephew is not a barbarian! He does not deserve to be locked in a cage! He's being backed into a corner by these corrupt OAOAST officials, and if there's anyone out there who doubts that there's a grand conspiracy against my nephew Chris Bryte, well then look no further, because the proof is in the pudding! COACH Pudding? Where? COLE (rolls eyes) Well Kevin, I know you're upset about the signing of that match, but your nephew may not even make it to Angleslam! Not if this man has his way... The HeldDOWN logo scrolls the screen again, and we cut to pre-recorded comments from Bryte's opponent for the evening: Tommy Gunn. TOMMY GUNN The past month has been absolute hell for me and my family. It's been hell for us all ever since the day that The Hand wrapped his hands around my little brother Johnny's neck and choked him out of existance. My brother is dead thanks to The Hand, and Chris Bryte, call it what you will...an accident or what have you, but I hold you and that uncle of yours personally responsible. Now The Hand has already paid for his crimes, but the two of you are still running around here scot free. Not a care in the world! Living the good life. Well fellas, that life of yours is gonna go from good to non-existant once I get my hands on ya. Tonight, I'm gonna make you feel every bit of pain, every bit of suffering that you've caused me and my family and then some, and when I get through with you, you're gonna wish that you never heard the name of "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn! Gunn glares intensely into the camera for a moment. The HeldDOWN logo then scrolls the scene a second time and we cut back to live action, where we're greeted to the opening chimes of Eminem's "The Way I Am." The crowd pops mildly as Tommy Gunn steps out onto the stage clad in a black denim vest and matching jeans, with a black armband around his right bicep with "JOHNNY" printed on it in white letters. BUFFER And his opponent...hailing from Seattle, Washington and weighing in at 222 pounds...here is TOMMY GUNN!!!!!! COACH You need to be careful, Kevy! Big Tom looks mad! TAYLOR Please, Coach! Me be careful of a slug like this? Don't make me laugh. This Tommy Gunn character has never amounted to a thing in his life! He's a talentless bum...10 years in the business and he's been curtain-jerking for all the way through. Heck...what does it say about the man when his biggest achievement was him darn near paralyzing himself in a wrestling ring? The man is total garbage! COLE Regardless of what he's accomplished, he's got a score to settle with you and Chris Bryte... Gunn sprints down the ramp, slides into the ring and puts Bryte flat on his back with a double leg takedown. *DING DING DING* COLE There's the bell and here we go! Tommy Gunn! Big brother Tommy is all over Chris Bryte! TAYLOR With ILLEGAL clinched fists! Tell it like it is, Cole! Gunn hammers down Bryte with hard right hands. Bryte blocks one of the punches and pulls Gunn into a front head-and-arm grip, scissoring his legs around his waist as well. Gunn struggles to escape the hold as Bryte applies pressure to the hold. TAYLOR And what about that, gang? What about the superb ring presence by the great Chris Bryte! COLE Nice counter by the Bryte man! He's got Tommy Gunn locked in this hold. Using his free hand, Gunn fires off an open hand strike to Bryte's right ear. A second blow causes him to break his grip, at which point, the elder Gunn begins raining rights and lefts down onto the rookie's head. Bryte's still got the body scissors applied, but is unable to capitalize as Gunn is just pummelling him on the canvas. As Bryte's grip begins to loosen, Gunn hooks his legs under both armpits and climbs to his feet, manuevering Bryte around to the point that his (Gunn's) back is facing a turnbuckle. Gunn then falls back, slingshotting Bryte headfirst into the ringpost. The crowd pops as the dazed Bryte staggers right staggers right back out towards the center of the ring, where he's mowed down with a hard clothesline. Bryte pops right back to his feet, but another clothesline sends him down. Bryte's back up again and staggers into the ropes, at which point, Gunn moves in and blasts him with a right hand. A second. Irish whip...reversal by Bryte sends Gunn to the far side. Bryte leap frogs over him when he comes off, then falls flat to the canvas upon landing, raising his legs for what looks to be a monkey flip attempt. Gunn has it scouted though, and when he comes off, he nails Bryte with a boot right to the top of the head. He then hooks Bryte wheelbarrow style, lifts him up off the canvas then drops him facefirst with a sitout reverse powerbomb. Bryte pulls himself back up to his knees, checking his mouth and nose for blood, at which point, Gunn runs to the ropes opposite him and catches him coming off with a devastating enzuigri! Gunn immediatly goes for the cover... COLE OH NO HE'S NOT GOING FOR THE COVER! TAYLOR LOOK AT THIS IDIOT! COACH HE'S BITING HIM! Indeed. Tommy Gunn takes a big bite out of the forehead of Chris Bryte, causing the rookie to scream and flail his legs wildly. TAYLOR Can you believe the audacity of this man?! What savage! What a brute! Damn it, Chris, I just hope you went and got all your shots like your father and I told you! The ref admonishes Gunn as Bryte rolls around on the mat, now bleeding slightly from the forehead. As the referee goes to check on Bryte, Gunn begins to unraval the tape around his wrists. Bryte pulls himself back to his feet as quickly as possible, hoping to halt the angry Gunn's attack, but he's still somewhat dazed, and ends up staggering right back into his opponent, who wraps the wrist tape around his throat. The crowd cheers loudly as Bryte begins to squirm, waving his arms around like a madman. He makes a dash to the ropes, hoping to get a break, but Gunn holds on, and both he and Bryte end up tumbling through the middle ropes and out to the arena floor, where both men land on their feet. With the tape still wrapped around his throat, Bryte pushes Gunn back up against a nearby ringpost, at which point he grabs two handfuls of hair and slams his head HARD up against the post. He does it once more, causing Gunn to break his grip and crumble to his knees TAYLOR HAHA! What a show of resilience by Chris Bryte! Admit it, you two! He's championship-bound! COLE Tommy Gunn is hurt on the outside. Gunn clutches at the back of his head as the referee looks on with concern from the ring. After taking a moment to get some air back into his lungs, Bryte walks over to Gunn and grabs him by the hair, pulling him back to his feet. He nails him with two hard kicks to his forehead before pulling him into a front facelock. The crowd boos Bryte hard, sensing what's coming next. COLE Oh no! COACH This is what did in Tina! With a look of intensity on his face, Bryte tosses Gunn's arm back over his head, hooks the tights and... COLE Oh! Gunn blocks it! Yes! Undaunted, Bryte tries it a second time, but again, Gunn hooks Bryte's leg with his own to block. TAYLOR C'mon Chris! C'mon! Gunn manages to reverse the move, lifting Bryte up into suplex position then dropping him sternum first onto the steel barricade. The crowd shows its approval for Gunn as Bryte clutches his chest and falls back into the front row. Wasting no time, Gunn heads over to the timekeeper's position, shoves Buffer aside and snatches his chair. The crowd gives a big pop as he folds up the chair and turns towards Sofa Central with rage in his eyes. COACH Uh oh! TAYLOR Michael Cole, you have done it now! Boy are *YOU* in trouble! COLE ME?! What do you mean me?! TAYLOR Oh come now, Mikey! We both know that you've been badmouthing J-Dogg for weeks now! COLE I have?! TAYLOR Oh yeah. The boys in the back have been talking, and it's all over the locker room. How you never liked him, and you're glad he's dead! COLE I...I never said that! COACH I dunno, Cole. I do kinda remember you saying that. COLE What are you talking about... TAYLOR Don't try and deny it now, Cole! It's been disgraceful how you've trashed that man's dead brother, and I for one do not blame Tommy Gunn for being mad...AT YOU! Taylor hides behind Cole to shield himself from Tommy Gunn's sight. Gunn starts towards Taylor, but just then, he spots Chris Bryte climbing back to his feet in the front row. Gunn springs into action, charging towards his foe and catching him with a hard chairshot to the back of the head that sends Bryte tumbling forward over the guardrail and back onto the ringside mats. The ref hops to the floor and warns Gunn about the chair usage, but Gunn ignores him and blast Bryte with a second shot, prompting the ref to call for the bell. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification: CHRIS BRYTE! TAYLOR What a lunatic! COLE Tommy Gunn using that chair on Bryte! Tommy Gunn has been disqualified! COACH I don't think it matters though! Look at him! Gunn repeatedly bashes Bryte across the shoulder and in the ribs with the chair as the crowd cheers him on in the background. Slight chants of "Tommy" are starting up in the crowd as the ref tries to pull Gunn off of Bryte, but is promptly shoved to the floor for his troubles. Gunn then goes back to hitting Bryte again, as Taylor slowly begins to stand up at Sofa Central. COLE Hey...what are you doing?! Where are you going, Taylor?! Kevin places his index finger over his lips (signalling Cole to be quiet) before grabbing a coffee mug from the table. He removes his headset and creeps over to where Tommy Gunn is, coming up from behind! COLE Taylor's got that damn coffee mug! Don't tell me... COACH Well...they say caffeine can kill you... Taylor scrunches up his face as he brandishes the cup, shaking it as he gets closer and closer to to Tommy Gunn. Gunn happens to turn around, however, and goes face-to-face with Taylor before he can strike! TAYLOR Holy Shit! *CLANG* Gunn takes a wild swing at Taylor's head, but he ducks, and the chair ends up striking the ringpost. Kev then starts to beg off, extending the coffee mug to Gunn as a sort of peace offering... *CRASH* Gunn swats his hand with the chair, knocking the mug to the ground and shattering it. He then sends another chair swipe at Taylor's head, but he again manages to get out of dodge. He begins backpedaling around the ring, with Gunn following him every step of the way. COLE Kevin Yancy Taylor has stepped in it this time! Tommy Gunn has that steel chair and he is stalking him around the ring! He wants to make Bryte and Taylor pay for the death of his brother! And remember fans, we found out a few weeks back that it was actually Kevin Taylor that lured J-Dogg into the OAOAST! He tricked him into that match with The Hand! COACH Yeah, Bryte and Taylor caused the whole thing, and I can't wait to see that asshole get his right now! Taylor turns a corner of the ring, placing him near the bottom of the entrance ramp. As Gunn turns the corner to follow him, Taylor extends his right hand forward, asking for a handshake, but Gunn cocks the chair again, startling Taylor to the point that he trips and falls backwards to the arena floor. The crowd cheers wildly in the background as the angry Gunn hovers above Taylor with the chair in his hands, huffing and puffing as he glares down with a psychotic look on his face. Taylor looks like a dear caught in headlights as Gunn slowly raises the chair above his head... ...ONLY TO CATCH A LUNGING RIGHT HAND TO THE JAW FROM CHRIS BRYTE!!! COLE DAMN IT! Bryte saved Taylor's ass! The punch causes Gunn to drop the chair and stagger back into the steel stairs, and the crowd boos once more in the background as Taylor scrambles back to his feet and run around to the opposite side of the ring. Bryte clutches at his ribs as he reaches down and grabs the chair. He then looks up at Tommy Gunn with a slight smile mixed with pain. BRYTE You're gonna get it now! Bryte nods his head as he rears back with the chair and charges at Gunn, only to catch a boot to the midsection for his troubles. Gunn staggers Bryte with a hard right hand, then snatches the chair from his hands and clocks him over the head with it. The crowd pops once more as Bryte spins out and falls to his knees! COLE Bryte got nailed again! Bryte is down... COACH What's he doing now?! With Bryte trying to clear the cobwebs, Gunn looks up at the top rope for a moment. He then tosses the chair to the ground, pounds his chest with his right hand and points up to the heavens before climbing up onto the apron. COACH Where the hell is he going?! COLE Well...both Tommy and his brother were known as high risk takers throughout their careers! We may be getting set to see another one of those risks. The crowd clamors as Gunn scales the turnbuckles with his back turned to Bryte. He plants both feet on the middle turnbuckle, then looks back over his shoulder to see Bryte groggily pull himself back to his feet. COACH He's not gonna moonsault him, is he?! That looks to be what Gunn is planning. But just as Bryte turns back to face him, Taylor climbs up onto the apron and sprays Gunn in the face with mace. Gunn grabs his eyes with both hands as Bryte, seizing the opportunity, climbs upon the apron and catches Gunn with a hard forearm to the back, causing him to fall forward and drape himself over the top turnbuckle. Bryte then starts to unload on the helpless Gunn, nailing him with hard forearms and open hand strikes to the back as Taylor hops down and begins peeling up the ringside mats below him. COLE What in the hell is that asshole doing now?! COACH I dunno. Taylor just pulled up those mats...Bryte's got Gunn on the ropes... With the concrete below him now exposed, Bryte slowly begins to peel Gunn off the top rope, manuevering him onto his back and hooking his arms for a vertebreaker! COLE Oh my God...don't tell me! He...he wouldn't! Gunn tries to fight it, but its no use as Bryte falls back from the apron and drops him with the Bryte Side! The crowd gasps, and LOUD chants of "Holy Shit" begin to echo throughout the arena! COLE OH MY GOD!!!! MY GOD!!!! HE JUST GAVE TOMMY GUNN THE BRYTE SIDE FROM THE APRON DOWN ONTO THE EXPOSED CONCRETE!!!!!! COACH Can you believe he just did that?! EMTs begin rushing down to the ring as Bryte pulls himself back to his feet, pointing down at his injured as Taylor laughs in the background. The boos from the crowd are deafening! COLE This son of a bitch! What a no good bastard Chris Bryte is! COACH He broke his neck, Cole! He had to! COLE Gunn is down and he is not moving, and what the hell was the purpose of that?! To injure another human being like that! I...I just can't believe he would do something like that! Are there no depths to which Chris Bryte will not stoop?! Taylor raises Bryte's hand and the crowd continues to boo as they head back up the ramp to the locker room. We then cut to a close-up of Gunn's body as he lay motionless on the concrete floor. COACH Jeez, I'd hate to do this, but we really need to move onto our next segment. Hopefully this mess will be cleaned up when we get back. Good lord.....just...wow... (Go to a video) Our scene is set in a fine gentlemens' establishment. A male voice sets the scene for us. "It was a dark Thursday night, and in Ann Arbor, Michigan, Thursday nights are just like any other night. People are always doing either two things; hurting themselves, or looking to get lucky. And I'm always around to assist with both goals." Dr. Max Anderson steps into the club, with Dr. Steven Pigley close behind. "That's me, right there. I'm the taller, slender one. My partner Steven is the less attractive one, you see. He feels that by latching onto me, he can develop some of the same ladykilling skill that has been perfected by Dr. Max Anderson. I've never wanted to break his heart, but we all know who the ladykiller is in our tandem, and who's just a hanger-on." Max and Steven walk over to the bar, taking two available seats and beginning to chat it up with the attractive bartendress. "Steven was under the impression that he could outdo me in this situation. But I'm Dr. Max Anderson, I've never been outdone, and just because he's my tag team partner doesn't mean I was going to let him." Max pauses. "Well, there was one time I've been outdone... I was twenty-four and fresh out of medical school when I met her. They wheeled her into the emergency room after a bad accident with her boyfriend, a carrot, and a tube of lubricant. I only wish I could make up this kind of story, but I'll tell you, it wasn't pretty." In the picture, Max takes the bartendress by the hand, kissing it. She giggles and pulls away, going back to her drinks. "I told her that I could save him, and I told her that while she already had a hell of a guy, she could have a better one if she'd come home with me. And she did, and we fell in love right then and there. I'll tell you, it was a beautiful thing." The bartendress comes back, handing the two doctors their drinks. "It was an even more beautiful thing six months later, when I got down on bended knee and proposed to her. I loved her, and I was sure I'd never feel that way again. But she came clean with me." Max slams his drink onto the bar inexplicably, and Steven and the bartendress, who were chatting it up just seconds before, stare at him. "She told me that she had been seeing a guy on the side for two months. And that he was a wrestler and that she loved him. She never did tell me his name, just that he was a wrestler and that he was in the OAOAST. I loved the girl, and she broke my heart. I knew I could never be a doctor again. I had to come to the OAOAST. I had to kill the man who stole my girl." Max grabs Dr. Steven Pigley, exiting the bar. "I always wanted to help people. Now, I'm going to help myself. My name is Dr. Max Anderson." "Don't forget it." (Go to break)

The words "EARLIER TODAY" appear in the upper left hand corner of the screen as we cut to a board meeting at the OAOAST offices. The camera manuevers its way around the long meeting table, giving viewers an up-close look at the stone-faced board of directors. The camera falls upon each individual seated around the table, moving through them one-by-one before stopping on a familiar figure. With "Uncle" Kevin Yancy Taylor at his side, clad in an off-white suit with a white shirt and solid black tie, with his dark brown hair slicked back, and--as always--wearing his trademark shades, is none other than Chris Bryte; the live crowd inside the arena boos when his image appears on screen. The camera then continues on, focusing on three more board members before focus shifts to the opposite side of the table, where another familiar figure sits. Wearing a white t-shirt with his "Panther's Way" logo printed on the front, a small gold chain around his neck, and a black 76ers cap pulled low over his eyes sits none other than the Champion of Champions himself, Panther; the live crowd gives a loud pop, and begins to chant his name when he appears. He's got a scowl on his face, and as the camera pans out, we can see that he's shooting an icy glare across the table at Chris Bryte. In the background, "Cowboy" Bill Watts eyes both men as he paces back and forth, with a look of ANGER~! building in his face with each turn. After a long, tense silence, Watts turns towards the table and bangs down on it with his right fist. WATTS I'M SICK OF IT!!!!! SICK OF IT ALL!!!!!!!!! Watts shoves some papers off the table, then begins to pace the room again. WATTS Do you two realize what grief that you've caused us?! Huh?! Watts walks over to where Bryte is seated and gets right up in his face, unnerving him a bit. WATTS Do you realize all of the bad publicity that you've caused?! Bryte looks down at the floor to avoid the Chairman's intimidating glare. Watts then heads over to the opposite side of the table, coming face-to-face with Panther. WATTS Do you realize all of the money that you've cost us?! The sponsers we've lost because of you two? Huh?! Watts bangs on the table again and gets right up into Panther's face. Panther seems almost amused by the Chairman's display, giving a light chuckle under his breath while sending a nonchalant look back at him. The angry Watts heads back to the front of the room, where he continues. WATTS This...this thing between the two of you has gone on long enough! Damn it, it seems like every week it's something different with the both of you. We've got people getting sent to the hospital! People getting arrested! People dying! THIS THING HAS GONE TOO FAR, AND IT MUST STOP NOW! NOW, I SAY! As he speaks, Bryte's making obscene gestures at Panther from across the table. Suddenly, Watts storms over to where Bryte's seated and bangs on the table again, nearly giving he and Taylor simultaneous heart attacks. WATTS You listen to me, you little shit, because you're the cause of the majority of this!!!!! You're the main problem here, Bryte, and last week was the last straw! You beating up a woman on live TV! Attacking POLICE OFFICERS! Damn it Bryte, I'm sick and tired of you! Sick of your shenanigans! You're damn lucky that I don't fire your sorry ass...you and that sorry uncle of yours. But no...I've got something better planned for you, Bryte--something that's gonna put this issue between the two of you to bed once and for all! Watts heads back up to the front of the room, making sure that everyone's focus is on him before continuing. WATTS Now Bryte, not too long ago, you and that uncle of yours had a restraining order placed on Panther, which prevented him from coming within 50 feet of you. Now unfortunately, that restraining order prevented us from signing another match between you and Panther; however, Wednesday afternoon, I got a memo from the police department in your hometown, Bryte, which informed me that due to your actions last week and all of the legal consequences surrounding your attack on those police officers, the restraining order has been thrown out! That means that we're free to book a match between you and Panther anytime we want, and right now, I'm booking that match for this Sunday night at Angleslam. Shocked by the announcement, Bryte leaps from his seat with his mouth wide open. BRYTE NO!!!!!!!! Y-y-you...YOU CAN'T DO THIS! WATTS Oh, but I can, and I have. You and Panther will go 1-on-1 at Angleslam to settle the score between you two. And that's not all. You see, gentlemen, in the past, your matches have been marred by all sorts of outside interference. Add to that the fact that Bryte, you CLEARLY don't want anything to do with Panther; its showed since his return to the company. And that's why I have decided to make this match between the two of you a Steel Cage match: no escape, pinfalls and submissions only. That way, we'll be able to keep all third parties out of this match, and we'll be able to keep you--Bryte--IN! And that way, once and for all, we're gonna have a clear winner! Bryte removes his shades and looks down at Taylor. He appears almost shell-shocked as he lowers himself back into his chair. Meanwhile, Panther's got a smile on his face a mile wide. Watts continues. WATTS Now, to prevent you two from causing any more trouble than you've already caused, until Sunday night, *I* am ordering the two of you to stay away from each other. Panther, I don't want you going near Bryte--I don't want you to even think about laying a hand on him--and the same thing goes for you, Bryte...you and your uncle. I want this thing to end this Sunday night in the cage, and if I find out that either one of you have disobeyed me, then I'll see to it that you're BOTH fired from the company. Have I made myself clear?! Watts looks in Panther's direction. Panther can barely contain his joy as he nods affirmatively. Watts then turns to Bryte, who reluctantly nods as well. WATTS Good. And with that, this meeting is adjourned! May the best man win! And with that, Watts storms out of the room and slams the door behind him. Bryte looks towards his uncle again, loosening his tie and collar button as sweat begins to pour down his brow. The then happens to glance over at Panther, who's glaring at him with possibly the most sinister look ever. Bryte does a McMahon-esque gulp lowers his head as the HeldDOWN logo scrolls the screen, taking us to live action and... (Go backstage) The cameras cut to a shot of Chris Stevens walking backstage, looking positively sour. COLE Man, I tell ya, Chris Stevens has to be burning after what went down last week! COACH Right you are, Mikey. He appeared to have everything in control, until Hoff interfered! COLE Hoff's interference led to Stevens getting hit with the Sharp End from Gunner Sharps, and it cost him the match to Gunner! COACH Well, word is that we'll hear from both Hoff and Gunner later on, but right now, we're going to send our own "Macho Man" Randy Savage to get a word with Stevens! Stevens keeps walking down a hallway, then turns left...and runs right into the Macho Man. MACHO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH!!! DIG IT! THE MACHO MAN HERE WITH-- STEVENS Get out of my way. Stevens simply pushes Savage into the wall and storms past him. The cameras keep following Stevens, as we hear Macho trailing off about Hogan in the background. COACH Whoa ho! Yikes! COLE Stevens in a hot temper tonight, and-- oh, look at this now! Stevens turns another corner, walking into a small room with a snack tray set up on a folding table. Inside the room, we see Gunner chatting away with a lovely young production assistant. Stevens' eyes narrow as he looks a hole through Gunner, who doesn't seem to notice. LOVELY YOUNG PRODUCTION ASSISTANT So he's really gonna do it? GUNNER Yeah, totally. He's as excited as I am. Maybe moreso. L.Y.P.A. Wow, that'll be neat! I can't wait! GUNNER Mmhmm. But how about you and I go out on the town tonight? You know, I don't live too far away, and you know what they say about guys with a big everything... Gunner smiles as the production girl swoons. L.Y.P.A. Tee hee, no, what's that? GUNNER Well.... STEVENS You. Gunner spins around suddenly as the production girle jumps a bit, startled by Stevens' voice. Gunner cocks his head and takes a step toward Stevens. GUNNER ...look, man, I didn't ask for that scumbag to come out either, and I-- STEVENS Just shut up a minute. Gunner looks perturbed, but remains silent. Stevens glances at the floor for a second, then turns his gaze back to the big man. STEVENS Know this: if you beat Hoff, if you win the 24/7 Title, I am coming for you. I will not hold a thing back. You and I aren't friends, and I don't want to be. Gunner crosses his arms, listening with a look of displeasure on his face. STEVENS You know as well as I do that that title should be mine. I should be the one getting ready to face you at AngleSlam...not him. Gunner nods slightly. STEVENS But what's done is done. I can't change what happened. I took a shot at Hoff, and I paid for it. You made the most of the situation. That's exactly what I'd have done...that's the mark of a champion. Gunner shows the faintest of smiles as Stevens steps close to him. STEVENS So this Sunday, at AngleSlam...go out there, and be a champion. Stevens pats Gunner on the bicep as the big man smiles thinly and nods. GUNNER You got it. Stevens smiles slightly as well, then turns around and heads out the door...but not before stopping in the doorway and looking back. STEVENS Oh, and Gunner? Put a little extra hurting on him for me. Stevens ducks out of the doorframe as Gunner nods, chuckling slightly. The production girl steps back up next to Gunner, looking out the door, then back up at Gunner as he laughs. COLE A show of class from Chris Stevens, and a message for Gunner. "Go out there, and be a champion. We'll be back. (Go to break)

Candie will be interviewed by J.Math. If someone wanted to write a pay per preview that would be sooooo lovely!

Because I'm such a nice guy and your segments are so short. I can edit Caboose out of them so that they'll make sense.

I won't post the show until 10 est to give all the stragglers time to get their stuff in.

I think I like the quirky PPV names better then I do a generic wrestling one. Oh well.

I really would've posted the show at 10 on the dot, but I was waiting for two segments that never came. Oh well. I'll leave feedback on Friday.

I sense that you're trying to tell us something.

Yep that's Maggie. Am I correct in stating that people don't like PPV names that are sentences? Such as "Dial AS for AngleSlam" or "This ain't OZ"

Faded fucking rules!!!!!! KNOW THIS! That song was the shit in 12th grade. We listened to it all the time during hockey practice. Any thing else by Soul Decision sucks. Except Ooh it's kinda crazy. That song was natural.

Thank you for doing the PPV preview, Hoff.

Almost Famous match The Saints Vs Chicks Over Dicks Which ever team hits their finisher three times is the winner. If Chicks Over Dicks win then the Saints become their "muses". If the Saints win then COD become their groupies. Candie is the guest ref.

I am aghast that NNMX won the tag team titles! Aghast! They only received one vote in that poll! Why won't the bookers listen to the voice of the fans?????? Why?!! Anyway, Tony/Eski did a good job with their segments leading up to the match. I don't expect that'll be the last GPX title reign either, although I think Black T would have another reign before GPX does. Rick Shirley looks like he could be one of our more unique characters. Especially if he keeps trying to put the mac down on Michael Cole. Drek/Leon had a tight ending. I like the way the commentary was woven into the pinfalls. Totally groovy! The way Sean Bryant acted and talked reminded me of myself in middle school. Boy was I a dick! If I didn't mention you that doesn't mean I didn't like your stuff, it just meant I'm too tired to type and I want to look at porn instead. At least I'm honest.

Ann Arbor,MI

“Set It Off” uh, sets off, and who else but CRYSTAL emerges from the curtains! “Weighing tonight at an even 150 lbs, she is from Coquitlam British Columbia, she is…CRYSTAL!” Crystal gets in the ring and does her usual posing, waiting for Sly to come on out. “Give Me Back My Bullets” cuts off Crystal’s music, and SLY struts out, soaking in the cheers. “Weighing in at 195 lbs, he hails from Bayside California, he is SLY SOMMERS!” Sly joins his partner of the evening in the ring, and they talk, probably about strategy. That, or the latest locker room gossip. COLE This is a very interesting match-up we have here tonight, and not just because it’ll be a great one! COACH Right you are Mike. Next week, the losers of the match will have to face each other, giving the winners a distinct advantage going into AngleSlam, with their opponents worn out. “I’m the Bomb” blasts from the speakers and the ever confident CALVIN comes out. “At a weight of 197 lbs, coming from Milwaukee Wisconsin, he is a part of The Thrillogy, this is CALVIN SZECHSTEIN!” Instead of making his way down the ramp, he smirks and points to his head, indicating he’s smarter than that. He patiently waits for his partner to come out. “Nothing” cues up, and the World Champion ZACK steps out, with the elegantly evil (JR’s expression’s rule!) Candie! “Finally, weighing tonight at 195 lbs, he comes to us from Los Angeles California, he is the OAOAST World Champion and is also a part of The Thrillogy, this is ZACK MALIBU!” Curiously, Zack gives Candie a kiss on the cheek, and tells her to go backstage. He points to Calvin and himself, yelling that “we’ll do this on our own!”. They slowly make their way to the ring, occasionally threatening the random fan that dares to make a disparaging remark against them. Crystal whispers something in Sly’s ear, and Sly gets on all fours next to the near-aisle ropes. Crystal runs, jumps off his back, and dives towards a distracted Zack and Calvin. Calvin sees it coming a darts out of the way, making Zack take the brunt of the dive. Calvin’s break isn’t so lucky though, as Sly is right there with a plancha! Crystal and Sly throw the Thrillogy members into the ring and stereo irish whip them, but Zack and Calvin bail out of the ring to regroup. With the referee holding back Sly and Crystal from their opponents on the outside, Zack and Calvin strategize and eventually go to their corner. They decide together that Calvin will starts, after seeing that Crystal will start the match. DING! DING! DING! Before the two can lock up, Sly begs Crystal for the tag, so he can face Calvin first. Crystal points at Sly, as if asking the fans, and they wildly approve. Crystal tags Sly in! Sly gets in and goes for Calvin, but Calvin rushes to his corner and tags in Zack, much to the chagrin of the fans and Sly. Zack and Sly circle each other then hook up. They jockey for position, and Zack backs Sly into a neutral corner. The ref calls for the break, and Zack gives it, only to throw a cheap punch in. Zack backs off smirking, while Sly holds his jaw in anger. They meet up again in the center of the ring, and again lock up. Zack gets the advantage and puts Sly in a hammerlock. With his other hand, he slaps of the back of Sly’s head and then lets go. Sly turns around in fury, but calms himself down and refuses to let Zack get to him. The hook up for a third time only for Sly to let go abruptly and deliver a vicious European uppercut! Zack stumbles back and blind charges Sly, but Sly sidesteps him and delivers a drop toe hold! With Zack down, Sly takes the opportunity to slap the back of Zack’s head! COLE Sly giving Zack a little taste of his own medicine! COACH Hey, all is fair in love and war! Well, the love doesn’t really apply here, but that’s how the saying goes. Zack is up in a flash and stares a hole in a smiling Sly, who taunts him to bring it. Zack intends to do just that, but stops short when Sly tags in Crystal. Zack backs off slightly, and both have a mini- stare-off before locking up. Zack grabs Crystal in a headlock, but Crystal pushes him off towards the ropes. Zack rebounds and shoulderblocks Crystal down. He runs the ropes and steps over Crystal, who turned on her front. He rebounds again and Crystal is up and leapfrogs over him. Zack rebounds yet again and Crystal takes him down with a headlock takeover. Zack tries to headscissor his way out, but Crystal knocks his legs out of the way. He goes for it again and succeeds, but Crystal kips out right away. Both are up and Crystal charges. Zack sidesteps and pushes Crystal towards the rope. Instead of rebounding, Crystal jumps, springs up from the second rope and delivers a hurricanrana to an unexpecting Zack! Zack ends up rolling to his corner and stares at Crystal before tagging in Calvin. Both meet in the center of the ring and go for a lockup, but Crystal grabs Calvin’s arm and twists it. Calvin powers Crystal into his team’s corner and gives a boot to the gut, so Crystal will release the hold. Zack takes this opportunity to slap the back of Crystal’s head, must like he did to Sly earlier. Crystal turns around but Calvin clotheslines the back of her head before she can do anything. Crystal hits her head on the turnbuckle and staggers back, only to get a reverse neckbreaker from Calvin. Calvin goes for the first cover of the match. 1! 2! Kickout! Crystal tries to get up, but Calvin brings an elbow down on her neck. He grabs her in a front face lock and drags her to his corner to tag in Zack. He holds her in place as Zack soccer kicks her straight in the stomach to knock the wind out of her. Crystal falls clutching her stomach as Zack mercilessly stomps of her, targeting mostly her neck and upper body. He places his foot on her throat and uses the ropes as leverage to put on the pressure. Zack sneers at the referee when he tells him to get off, but then obliges. He grabs her up by the hair and delivers a straight right hand. Crystal drops like a ton of bricks. Zack drags her up again and delivers another straight hand, but Crystal blocks it! She throws a forearms to the face of Zack and irish whips him to the ropes. He rebounds and squashes Crystal’s bit of momentum by coming back with a flying forearm! Crystal attempts to roll on her side to get up, but Zack forces her on her back and goes for the pin. 1! 2! Kickout! Crystal rolls on her front, so Zack grabs her in a rear chinlock, wretches her towards him, and places his right knee on the small of her back. COLE That’s a unique hold. Haven’t really seen that one before. Sly wills the crowd to help Crystal out and soon, “Crystal” chants are heard throughout the arena. Zack sneers at the audience at his while applying the hold tighter. Crystal pushes herself to a sitting position, then to a standing position. Zack still has the chinlock cinched in, so Crystal elbows her way out. Zack releases the hold and Crystal tries to get to her corner to tag in Sly. Unfortunately for her, Zack is quick to react and cruelly throws her down by her hair. He drags her to his corner and tags in Calvin. Zack holds Crystal in an abdominal stretch and Cal kicks her stomach, winding her again. Calvin grabs Crystal’s head and rams it into a neutral corner. He then whips Crystal to the opposite corner and she hits chest first, stumbling back into a German Suplex. Calvin holds on and bridges. 1! 2! Kickout! Crystal is slow to get up and Calvin is right on her. He knees her in the gut a few times, then performs a snap suplex. He drops a leg drop across her throat. Instead of going for the pin, he goes to the top rope. He taunts and jaws with the fans before turning his attention back to Crystal. This proves to be a mistake as Crystal hits the ropes, causing Calvin to lose his balance. Crystal goes to the top to meet him there and delivers a hurricanrana! Both competitors are down! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! Both start to stir. 6! 7! Both struggle to their corners. 8! And Zack and Sly are both tagged in! Sly rushes towards Zack and Zack goes for a clothesline. Sly ducks and plants a boot in the gut and delivers a DDT! He back elbows an oncoming Calvin and clotheslines him over the top rope. Sly turns his attention back to Zack, who’s slowly getting back up. Sly crosses Zack’s arms in front of him, and delivers a Saito suplex! Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! Sly drags Zack up and goes for the piledriver! COLE If he hits this, it’s over! Zack, though, backdrops his way out. Sly tries to get up fast and gets on one knee, but Zack delivers the Zack Attack! 1! 2! NO! Crystal came in a broke the count. Calvin grabs her ankles, and drags her to the outside. He tries to whip her to the stairs, and she counters and Calvin goes crashing into the steel steps! COLE Thos have to weigh 3000 lbs! COACH First of all, why would THAT matter? And secondly, I think you’re wrong on that one. Meanwhile, Zack and Sly are duking it out and Sly gets the upperhand. He lifts Zack for the Death Valley Driver. Zack wriggles his way out of it, and kicks Sly in the gut. He picks him up like he’s going to do a fallaway slam. Before Zack can actually do the move, Crystal sneaks up behind and dropkicks one of Zack’s knees! He buckles and collasps, and Sly in on top for the pin! 1! 2! Kickout! The referee reprimands Crystal as Sly sets up Zack. He seems to be going for the One Hit Wonder, but Calvin stops that with an unexpected swinging neckbreaker! The ref forces Crystal to get to her corner as Calvin slips out of the ring, unnoticed. Zack goes for the pin when the ref turns around. 1! 2! Kickout! Zack looks at the ref in slight annoyance and picks up Sly. He whips Sly to his and Calvin’s corner. Zack distracts the referee after a few chops, so that Calvin can use the tag rope to choke Sly. With Sly gasping for breath, Zack tags in Calvin. Zack performs a backbreaker while Calvin goes on the top rope and delivers a leg drop. Cover! 1! 2! 2.5! Kickout! Sly barely kicks out. Calvin drags him up and hooks Sly up like he would if he would do an inverse DDT. He lifts him up and performs a front suplex. Calvin keeps Sly’s head hooked and back sommersaults (pun SO intended!) over and has Sly in a Dragon Sleeper aka the California Dream, a trademark move of his fellow Thrillogy member Zack! Sly flails around and tries to get out, but can’t. Calvin yells at Sly to tap, only to get hit by a surprise dropkick from Crystal! She goes back to her corner and yells encouragement to Sly. COLE Crystal breaking up the hold to maybe save the match for her team. COACH You know, usually, Caboose would make a smart ass remark here. I’m kind of missing the guy. Both get up and Calvin goes behind Sly and has him in a waistlock. Sly elbows Calvin in the face a couple of times and eases out of his grip. He grabs Calvin and scores with a Russian Leg Sweep! Sly crawls towards an anxious Crystal only to get cut off by an elbow, courtesy of Zack. Crystal yells at him, and Zack responds with a smirk and a slap in the face. Unable to control her temper, Crystal gets in the ring, but is held back by the referee. Zack and Calvin take advantage, grab Sly, and perform a Double Brain Buster .Zack slips out of the ring when the ref turns around. Cover by Calvin! 1! 2! 2.5! Kickout! Calvin looks a bit in disbelief of the kickout from Sly. He yells at the ref and claims a slow count, but he just reiterates it was a two count. Calvin drags Sly into the Thrillogy corner and tags in Zack. Calvin and Zack stomps Sly harshly in the corner before the referee orders Calvin out. Zack grabs Sly by the waist and performs a picture perfect Northern Lights suplex. Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! Slightly perturbed by Sly’s resilience, Zack sneers at Sly, who struggles up. Zack won’t have any of that and nails a hard Yakuza kick. Cover! 1! 2! Kickout! Zack glares at the ref, but says nothing. Zack grabs both of Sly’s arms an crosses them across his throat. He places his foot on Sly’s back to add pressure. Cinching it in, Zack takes the opportunity to have a lovely conversation with Crystal. Oh, who are we kidding? Of course he talks trash to her! Crystal takes the high road and ignores him, only yelling some encouragement to Sly and rallies the crowd behind him. “Let’s go Sly * clap clap clapclapclap *” “Let’s go Sly * clap clap clapclapclap *” Using the crowd’s will, Sly slowly gets to his feel, forcing Zack to take his foot off Sly’s back to keep balance. However, Zack still has the hold on. Sly gets to a neutral corner and uses it to climb and flip over so Zack has to release the hold. Before Zack can react, Sly grabs his head and performs an Edge-o-matic! COLE Isn’t Crystal the one who liberally steals moves from Edge? COACH Hey, whatever works! And Edge steals moves from her! COLE Uh, I think you may want to double check on that one…. COACH (heavy sighing) I miss Caboose. He would have insulted me SO bad right there! Sly crawls towards Crystal, Zack crawls towards Calvin, and both get tagged in! Calvin comes charging, but Crystal clotheslines him. He gets backs up and charges again, but is met by Crystal’s elbow! Zack is up and gets Crystal from behind. He grabs her arm and irish whips her, but Crystal reverses. He rebounds and Crystal backbody drops him. He staggers up and Crystal runs the ropes to deliver a Throwback (copyright WWE-Please don’t sue us!)! Unbeknownst to Crystal, Calvin ascended the top rope and is waiting for Crystal to turn around. However, Sly is back up and runs around the ring towards Calvin. He grabs one of Calvin’s legs and Calvin gets crouched for the second time in the match! Crystal turns around, sees Calvin crouched, and goes to take advantage. She grabs Calvin by the waist and delivers a Northern Lights suplex! She bridges! 1! 2! NO! Zack kicks her leg from under her…leg. Before he can do anymore damage, Sly charges in with a flying forearm! Zack rolls outside. Sly and Crystal look and nod at each other. Crystal lefts Calvin on her shoulders as Sly goes to the ropes, springboards off the second rope, and does a STIFF LARIET! COACH Holy crap! Crystal covers. 1! 2! 2.5! Kickout! Calvin shows his resilience and kicks out. Crystal questions the ref, and appears to be a bit frustrated. She picks up Calvin, but he hits her with a jawbreaker. While she’s stumbling, he hits her with a spinebuster! COLE Taking a page out of fellow Thrillogy member Hoff’s book. Calvin goes and tags in a recovered Zack in. Zack goes the top rope, waits for Crystal to get up and face him, and jumps off, looking for a missile dropkick. Crystal sidesteps him! Crystal quickly grabs both of his legs , crosses them, and turns him over for the Crystalling! Calvin comes in to break it up, but Sly cuts him off and clotheslines him over the top rope, both of them tumbling out. Zack struggles and screams, while Crystal continues to wretch back. “TAP!” ”TAP!” ”TAP!” Zack teases a tap out, but with a sudden burst of energy, he grabs the bottom rope. The crowd shows their disappointment, but Crystal just goes to the corner, and begs Zack to get up. While this is all going on, Calvin and Sly are brawling outside. Sly looks to whip Calvin to the barricade, but Calvin puts the breaks on. Instead, Calvin whips Sly into the ring apron, and Sly stumbles forward, holding his back. Calvin then flapjacks Sly on the barricade, throat/chest first! Calvin, being Superman and all, sees Crystal setting up a recovering Zack for what looks to be a spear. He gets on the apron just as Crystal goes charging to a now standing Zack. Calvin reaches out and gets a hold of Crystal’s hair and yanks her towards him. A surprised Crystal turns around and Calvin delivers a stun gun! Crystal staggers around, only to get met with the SCHOOL’S OUT! Cover! 1! 2! 3! “And your winners are Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein, The Thrillogy!” COACH I guess this means that next week on Heldown, we’ll see Sly Sommers vs. Crystal. COLE While this isn’t good for either Crystal or Sly, it’ll sure be an entertaining match for us, so tune in next Thursday! Zack grabs his belt and him and Calvin make their way up the ramp. They celebrate as Sly slips in the ring to check on Crystal. They both stare up the ramp in anger as both Zack and Calvin just smirk. Zack raises his belt in the air as we fade to black.

The show starts up on a solitary shot of Drek Stone standing before a large, wooden desk. The capacity crowd immediately starts booing the man on the screen, not bothering to give him a chance and hear what he has to say. After a few seconds, the camera focuses on the plush leather chair behind the desk. The chair slowly swivels around, and now we can see that the man sitting in the chair is none other than Stephen Joseph Popick. Once again, the crowd here in Calgary starts screaming their disapproval. Both men are smiling at each other, obviously knowing something that the audience doesn’t. The two men peacefully shake hands as the jeers in the crowd continue to rise. POPICK Okay, man. You have a deal.Tonight is all about giving people exactly what they want. Rick Edwards wanted to defend his X-Title tonight. I made sure he got that chance. Leon Rodez wanted a shot at that championship. He will get that shot tonight! The fans in Calgary loudly cheer at the announcement of this X-Championship match. POPICK And you will get what you want. Because, tonight, in this X-Title match, we will have a Special Guest Referee! None other than Drek Stone, himself! Those previous cheers quickly turn into a loud chorus of boos as the camera focuses on Drek Stone, who now has a wide smile on his face. He nods his head peacefully as we fade into the opening credits. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! “I Like” plays and we see the opening video. Then we’re taken to the LOGO Overpriced fireworks explode on the entrance ramp, eventually bathing the arena in a smokey haze. The camera navigates its way past the smoke and into the crowd where the rabid crowd hoists their signs into the air. We’re soon taken to Triple C. COLE Hello, world! Welcome to another edition of HeldDOWN! Tonight we are live from Calgary, Alberta! I’m Mikey Cole, with the Coach and Caboose! Tonight promises another excellent show! Chris Stevens will go up against Gunner for the right to become number one contender to the 24/7 title. As such the twenty four seven rule has been suspended for a while. Hells Hitmen square off against GPX for the tag team belts. And I paid a visit to a very very very unusual character. We’ll have footage of that. COACH Hey! Where the hell is Caboose? He’s been missing all day, any word? COLE Well, I don't know where Caboose is, but we do have Jackie Gayda waiting for him near the arena entrance if he decides to return... The shot cuts to Jackie, mic in hand, a bandage on her forehead from last week. Standing near a set of double doors in what appears to be a garage-type area, Jackie plays with her hair, adjusts her breasts, and pops her gum, looking disinterested...until the doors swing open! COACH Is it my Boo-boo? A slim figure steps through the door. It's not Caboose...but it is the former 24/7 Champion, Chris Stevens! The fans pop for the ex-champ! Stevens, in his street clothes, storms through the area, not acknowledging anyone. COLE Hey, this is good too! Hey, Jackie, go after him! Jackie chats on her cellular telephone as Stevens passes by in a huff. COLE Hey! Tits McGee! Chris Stevens, 10 o'clock! Jackie looks up at the voice from beyond, clearly startled. The diva puts her cell phone in between her luxurious cleavage and chases after Stevens, who is still walking briskly through the back. JACKIE Chris!! Stevens slows, turning his head back. He spies Jackie, frowns, and keeps walking. COACH Uh-oh, looks like Stevens is in a foul modd tonight! Jackie runs after Chris, catching up to him several steps later. JACKIE Chris! Wait! Stevens stops suddenly, leveling a hard gaze at Jackie. STEVENS What. The fans pop as a small "What?" chant goes up. COLE Morons. COACH What? COLE Oy. COACH What? COLE I may not be Caboose, but I will kill you. JACKIE I just wondered if you had any comments about last week-- Stevens tears the microphone out of Jackie's hand. STEVENS You want a comment? Here's a comment. It took three men to beat me. Three men, when Hoff said he was gonna fight me one on one. Heh, well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore when it comes to that lying bastard. It's just another case of Hoff getting a title that he didn't earn. But, it doesn't matter, because this week I am gonna kick his ass and get my belt back. The fans go NUT, but a confused murmur passes through the stands as well. COACH Uh-oh... COLE Apparently Chris hasn't heard the news... Jackie reaches and pulls the mic back to her lips. JACKIE Well, actually, Chris...the Board of Directors has already made a match. It'll be you against Gunner Sharps...with the winner to get the next shot at Hoff. Chris looks at Jackie, his jaw dropping ever so slightly. Chris blinks. He opens his mouth, as if to speak...and then storms off, audibly cursing as he walks away. STEVENS *BLEEP* *BLEEP* You gotta be *BLEEP* kidding me......... Stevens vanishes down the hall, and the camera turns back to Jackie. The fans give a little cheer as Jackie reaches into her top, feeling for her phone. JACKIE Where is it...where the-- OH! Sorry, guys. Back to you. *cut to Sofa Central* COACH No problem, Jackie! You can keep that up all day long. COLE Will you stop. Folks, in case you missed it, as Jackie said, Chris Stevens will face Gunner Sharps tonight, with the winner to face Hoff for the 24/7 title at AngleSlam. COACH Yeah, now keep in mind, the board has waived the around-the-clock stipulation from the 24/7 title until AngleSlam! That means that Hoff will HAVE to face one of those two men, for the title! COLE Well the board felt, rightfully, that not only did both Gunner and Stevens deserve a 24/7 title shot, but they deserved a match with Hoff as well! And one of them will have that honor at AngleSlam! COACH I just hope they both kill Hoff! I'm still pissed I didn't get my PS2 from him earlier this year. ESPN Football is only twenty bucks and I'm stuck playing Quarterback Club for N64 all thanks to Hoff not dying. COLE Let's send it backstage, where "Mean" Gene is with Bill Watts and the new OAOAST tag team champions, the Global Party XChange. With a OAOAST banner behind them, Watts & GPX are joined by OAOAST agents Terry Taylor & Terry Funk, who are holding the new tag team title belts. Lightbulbs flash as photographers take as many pictures as possible before the ceremony begins. MEAN GENE Gene Okerlund here with the OAOAST tag team champions GPX, OAOAST agents Terry Taylor & Terry Funk, as well as the Chairman of the board of directors Bill Watts with a special presentation. Bill. WATTS Thank you, Gene. And thank you to those watching at home. Two weeks ago we were treated to one of the greatest matches in OAOAST history. It pitted Black T vs. the Global Party XChange for the World's tag team championship, with GPX coming out victorious. It was one of the best matches I've ever witness in my 30-plus years in this great sport. After the match, James E. Cornette & the New New Midnight Express attacked GPX, stealing the belts. As I said last week, new tag titles would be presented to GPX, but due to time constraints we weren't able to hold a ceremony. But without further ado, on behalf of the entire board of directors...Scotty & Johnny, we proudly present you these new $30,000 tag titles. Congratulations Watts hands the titles over to GPX, then all pose for the photographers. SCOTTY 'Sup, peoples? Respect to Mr. B, (crows like a rooster, Taylor lowers his head) the Rooster & the Funker. I gotta thank my boy Johnny "Jam" for being with me every step of the way. Our fans (big pop) -- our fans are awesome. Much love, peeps. Much love. But most importantly, I wanna thank my mama for having sex with my daddy that fateful night 19 years ago, thus creating this sexy beast. JOHNNY I'd also like to thank Mrs. Static. Scotty shoots JJ a look. JOHNNY For having sex with Mr. Static and making Scotty, who was just sperm in Mr. S's Oscar Mayer back then. Holla! And the crowd does just that. MEAN GENE Guys, if I may ask you a question. JOHNNY What's up, playa? MEAN GENE Nothin' much. Just smackin' my bitch around, gettin' some lovin', ya hear? SCOTTY & JOHNNY Word. MEAN GENE S-Man & J-Jam, what's happening with the New New Midnight Express. SCOTTY Well G Spot, GPX lovin' the playa in ya. As for the NNMX...tell 'em like it is, J.J. JOHNNY It's dyn-O-mite! That clown prince of polyster, James E. P.U., is runnin' 'round playa-hating on the Global Party XChange. Well playa, like my homie Scotty Staaatic recogized last week, we don't want a piece of their ass...we want the whole shabang, got it? MEAN GENE Homie believin'. SCOTTY But tonight we got Hell's Hitmen, the #1 contenders to our gold -- which is now really gold, FYI (For Your Information). They beat us at LTP: This ain't Oz. Yeah, the ref stopped the match because he deemed us defenseless, but this time we can focus soley on one match. Hell's Nitwits, we're ready for ya. You're goin' down! MEAN GENE As... JESSE VENTURA (Off Screen) Okerlund? SCOTTY Ass? Don't be hatin', Gene? I thought we was cool. MEAN GENE What the hell is that? OAOAST officials are rush past the camera, as we cut outside to the loading dock. JESSE Jesse "The Body" reporting with a major scoope. (Chuckling) There ain't gonna be no tag title match between Hell's Hitmen & GPX tonight. OAOAST officials have found the #1 contenders laid out in a dumpster. That's right -- laid out in a dumpster. They were found covered in trash, out cold, bleeding. Officials, including the Chairman of the board of directors "Cowboy" Bill Watts, are gathered around the dumpster. With caution EMT's pull out two bodies. "Doctor, if you'd please," says one official. A doctor gives the two men a shot. JESSE What's going on here? A couple of OAOAST officials demand the cameras be shut off. JESSE Don't touch the camera. I wanna know what's going on. The pubic has a right to know. Bill Watts walks over to Jesse. JESSE Bill? WATTS Jesse, right now everything's a bit hazy. We got word from an arena employee that two men were found in the dumpster. At first we thought it was probably two homeless men, but when security checked it out, we found out those two men were Jingus & The Sadist -- Hell's Hitmen. Whatever happened to them, all we know is they took one helluva beating, and everybody knows those guys love pain, so it was some ass-whoopin'. JESSE What about the shots? I, we, saw a doc give 'em a shot. What was it? WATTS Jingus & The Sadist were given sedatives just in case they wake up in the mental hospital and decided to raise hell. JESSE What about their match versus the Global Party XChange? WATTS That's up in the air. Obviously they're in no condition to wrestle. What I'm gonna do is hold an emergency conference call with the board of directors to figure out where we'll go from here. If any news breaks, I'll share that with the fans. Now if you'd excuse me. JESSE Michael, things are very chaotic out here. (chuckling) And I love it. I'll cut in with any further developments. Remember, Jesse "The Body" broked this major news story. Back to you. Cut back to SOFA CENTRAL~! where Michael Cole & The Coach look at each other, stunned by what has happened. COACH Did...Did you see that? I mean, who, how... will we even have a tag title match tonight? COLE For those of you just joining us, Hell's Hitmen have been attacked, and we don't know if they'll be cleared to wrestle GPX later tonight. COACH They were given laxatives, Cole! COLE Sedatives. COACH Either way, of course they won't be cleared to wrestle. Even if they were, do you honestly think a fortune 500 company like the OAOAST would allow a couple of their stars to compete under the influence of a controlled substance? Instead of pointing out how obvious that answer is, Cole decideds to stare at Coach momentarily. COACH I told you not to do that. Man, you look like you want me. Knowing you, you probably wanna find out if that urban legend is true. COLE That being...? COACH Once you go black, you don't go back. COLE Give me a break. COACH I don't run the state of New Jersey, fool. We have a disturbance ringside. Black T, the former and arguably greatest tag team champions in OAOAST history, along with the Farmer of Champions Jivin' J.R. make their way to the front row, looking flustered, where 3 empty seats await them. COLE What are these guys doin' out here? They're not booked to wrestle. Wait... wait a minute. Oh, brother... COACH Cole, you're not insinuating Black T may have ambushed Hell's Hitmen? COLE They have a motive -- replaced Hell's Hitmen as #1 contenders. Dan & JINGUS aren't on the best of terms, and they had a war at the Great Angle Bash. Look at them. They look like they've runned 500 hundred miles. COACH Go interview them, Cole. Go ask the hard questions. COLE All right, all right. The stage manager hands Michael a wireless microphone. Cole leaves the friendly confines of Sofa Central to interview Black T. COACH Here's to Black T slapping the frosting out of Cole's hair. COLE Dan Black & T-Bod -- Black T. I'm sure you know Hell's Hitmen were Pearl Harbored by the loading dock. The question is: Did you have anything to do with that? DAN First off, Mr. Cole, even if he did -- which we didn't -- would we really admit it in front of a national audience? No. Look, we just got here, had to walk through these people -- who apparently forgot to bath -- and you're annoying us with your idiotic questions. COLE Well, then any comments regarding the situation? You two were once tag champions, and many believe the Miracle Weirdness Connection are the greatest tag team in OAOAST history. DAN The MWC is dead, Mr. Cole. Yes, at one time the MWC was the greatest team in OAOAST history, but they've since been replaced by a better team -- Black T. As far as any comment...I have no comment. Although how utterly proper for JINGUS to be found in a dumpster, since we all know what a garbage wrestler he is. COLE Ahem. Then may I ask what you're doing here? DAN Michael, hardcore fans know tomorrow is T-Bod's birthday. And what a Happy Birthday it shall be. However, due to our demanding schedule, very rarely do we have nights off -- tonight being one of those nights. As you know, ever since 9-11 security has been extremely tight, OAOAST events being no exception. When we arrived at the area, following an exquisted visit to a gentlemen's club where the women were throwing money at us, we had forgotten our backstage passes in our 5 star hotel. Long story short: we scalp two tickets for a couple of autographs and the promise -- that won't be fullified, mind you -- of taking the gentlemen's two fat daughters to the senior prom. Tonight, Black T come to you as fans, and we look forward to the tag team championship match. COLE But there might not be a tag title match. Didn't you see what happened to Hell's Hitmen? DAN Like I said, Michael, we just got here. We're here to enjoy the show. Now leave us alone. COLE You gentlemen haven't said a word ever since losing the tag team championship to the Global Party XChange. Any comments? Black T roll their eyes back. Dan & T-Bod look at each other, deciding who'd take the question. Dan motions for T-Bod. T-BOD Oh, we're pleased to no longer carry the tag titles. What kind of a stupid question is that?! How the hell do you think we feel?! We paved the way for teams like GPX, the NNMX, the Saints, the Frankensteiners, the All American Boys, the Love Doctors, etc. If it weren't for us the tag division would be a toxic waste dump. I bit my tonuge after being superplexed from a ladder placed on the outside to the ring, causing me to spit out blood and in the process scare the hell outta my fans thinking I may have had some internal injuries. After the show I got a call from my cousin Teddy Moneymaker -- yo, Teddy! -- who's keeping my mansion warm in San Antonio while I live in Hollywood and travel 'round the world, asking if I die will he get everything I own. But, as you saw last week, I'm perfectly healthy. With my body and acting experiences, Bryan Singer should contact me about being the next Man of Steel. I'm F'N Superman. DAN Now, if you'll allow us to enjoy the show. Black T take their seats, but not before Jivin' J.R. says... J.R. Honeynut cheerios. Boos ring throughout the arena, not because of Black T -- Jim Cornette & the New New Midnight Express are headed towards SOFA CENTRAL~! Even though they're not booked to wrestle the NNMX are dressed in their ring attire, Cornette in a black polyster suit and red tie, with tennis racket in hand. COACH Things continued to get wilder and wilder. COLE What is this--open mic night? Looking remorseful, Cornette snatches away the wireless microphone from Michael Cole. CORNETTE Let me...(choking up) ahem...excuse me...Everybody knows how tight we are with Hell's Hitmen, so this is a very difficult time for us. Cornette takes a few steps back, holding back his emotions. "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned, show team unity by wearing matching silver vests with their initials on them, console their manager. "For them, Jimmy. For them," the camera picks up Simon saying. COLE Clearly, Jim Cornette is shaken up. CORNETTE Of course I'm shaken up, Michael Cole. Wouldn't you be too if you found out some of your friends were found beaten inside a dumpster? Of course your friends actually live in dumpsters, so I guess it wouldn't bother you that much. Okay, okay. I gotta clam down, I can do this. I haven't felt this way since Nixon past away years ago. Let me start off by saying I share the same concern as Hoss Cartwright in the back. I mean I'm the only one who knows the Sadist came from an abusive household. His mother died giving birth to him, his father was a drunk who constantly beat him from the age of 5 to 17, due to all the beatings he received as a child he learned to enjoy pain, hence the name Sadist. The man has an IQ of a 160, which means he's a smart S.O.B, for you morons out there wondering (in hillbilly voice) "What the hell's an IQ, ma?" Whoever did the dirty deed, they're two bad dudes, that's for sure. Cornette & Simon hug. CORNETTE Oh I wish mama was here to guide me through this. Last week was a proud moment for Jim Cornette Enterprises, I had signed Hell's Hitmen to exclusive contracts, and with them watchin' the backs of the Midnight Express...well, quite frankly, it'd scare more men than Boris Karloff & Bela Lugosi combined, but sadly, I won't have that chance to find out what if. But to honor our fallen comardes -- and because we know they'd want it this way -- we'd be more than willing to take their spot against GPX later tonight. (wiping away tears) If it's not for the titles, we'll pass. But if it is, we'll take it. GPX love to speak like they're from the ghetto, dress like they're from the ghetto, act like they're from the ghetto. I know that isn't PC, but I'm not a personal computer so I have no feelings. Punks, my Midnight Express will be sending you back to your cribs short a couple of belts. We're winning the titles for our misunderstood friends. But most importantly, we're winning the titles because we're the best team in the whole damn world. So put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Cornette tosses the mic back to Michael Cole and exits stage right with the NNMX. (Go to break)

(Return from break) Within the confines of their decked out dressing room, members of The Thrillogy seem to be going about business as usual as they prepare for their upcoming match. Calvin Szechstein relaxes himself on the leather sofa, with the Olympics on in full view, as Zack Malibu stands in the background wrapping his fists in tape. MALIBU You ready to do this tonight, or what? CALVIN Zack, brotha, I'm always ready. No need to ask me twice. MALIBU Good, because I didn't plan on it. She goes down TONIGHT, understood. CALVIN I'm reading you like the Sunday funnies, my man. Suddenly, Malibu pounds his hands on the sofa, not making a very loud sound, but still shocking the hell out of Szechstein. CALVIN ...the hell? MALIBU Calvin, I'm not playing, damn it! I've had it...HAD IT with this bitch who thinks that she's going to start the next wrestling boom. I was done with her after the first match, but somehow she's managed to get her way each and every time. War Games, the tag match, they were nothing more than the numbers game. You know she can't beat me, Hoff knows it, Candie knows it...we all know it! CALVIN But SHE doesn't know it. MALIBU What are you trying to say? CALVIN I was making the point that... MALIBU I DON'T NEED YOU TO MAKE POINTS! I NEED YOU TO HAVE MY BACK ON THIS! CRYSTAL WILL NOT MAKE IT TO ANGLESLAM, UNDERSTOOD!? CALVIN Understood. It's cool, I can understand your stress, with Angleslam not being your favorite event and all. Malibu looks down at Calvin, curious as to what he meant by that. MALIBU Excuse me? CALVIN Look, no ill will intended, Zack, but your track record at August pay per views isn't exactly one that stands out as a positive. Two years ago you lost to Alfdogg...ALFDOGG. Now that would never happen these days and we know that. That was during your early days of fan pandering, and you had a lot to learn. MALIBU OK, big deal. I made the mistake of joining the dark side. That's obviously not an issue anymore. CALVIN Right. MALIBU So what about last year then? CALVIN Well, last year was...it was, uh... Calvin grows uncomfortable, as Malibu grows agitated. MALIBU It was WHAT, Calvin? CALVIN Well, it was when you lost the title. To me. Remember? Malibu is burning a hole through his partner. The normally cocky former leader of Totally Endorsed backsteps, but stares right back at the World Champion. MALIBU Oh, I'm sorry...are you having a bit of a reflection to your glory days? Listen Calvin, you've beaten me and I've beaten you. The past is the past. What I'm worried about is tonight. Tonight she goes down, and not in the way Coachman would like her too. CALVIN What about Sly Sommers, Zack. What about taking him out for me? Otherwise I'm stuck with him at Angleslam in a match that this chiseled frame shouldn't have to take part in. MALIBU You're stressing me, Cal...you're stressing me... Suddenly, Candie comes in, and is all smiles for her man. CANDIE Hey babe! Look, I just came from... Malibu slams his hands against the wall, nearly knocking it down in the process. MALIBU FOR GOD'S SAKE I JUST NEED QUIET! I NEED TO BE ALONE! NO DISTRACTIONS, DO YOU HEAR ME? NO... Malibu turns and looks at the 60 inch plasma TV that is airing the Olympics, picks up a chair from nearby, and tosses it right through the screen, nearly bowling Calvin over in the process! CANDIE Cal...what's wrong with him? CALVIN I didn't do anything. He's really on edge. CANDIE Zack...baby...listen, don't worry about Crystal... All of a sudden Zack hovers over Candie, his eyes burning with rage. MALIBU STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT CRYSTAL ANYMORE! NO MORE CRYSTAL, DO YOU HEAR ME! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR YOU MENTION BILLY CRYSTAL! NOTHING CRYSTAL AT ALL! JUST DROP IT! Candie cowers in fear, and Malibu quickly backs off, realizing he's scaring his love. Out of breath and full of stress, Zack looks over at the damaged TV, at a bewildered Calvin, and back to a shocked Candie. MALIBU I need some time alone. With that said, Malibu brushes past Candie, yanks open the dressing room door, and disappears as it shuts behind him. The cameras focus in on Candie, and then on Calvin, who walks towards her to calm her down as well, before we fade out. (Cut backstage, where we see the Frankensteiners walking down a corridor. They walk past a door that opens after they pass it, with the Bryant Cousins coming out of it.) SEAN YO! Turn around, you bitches! (Frankensteiners turn around) What's up with you two tryin' to upshow us last week by debuting on the same show? FRANKIE Aww...I'm really sorry about us being better than you. SEAN AH, you done it now! Sean starts wildly breakdancing, ending with a variation on the Spin-A-Roonie where he spins on his shoulders instead of his back, and then kips up and grabs his crotch... SEAN YOU GOT SERVED, BITCH! FRANK Okay, I'll admit that we can't do that flippy crap that you can, but we can wrestle, which is what the marquee says. ALEX Congratulations: you succeeded at pinning collegiate wrestlers' shoulders to the mat multiple times. But, have you ever been in front of thirty-seven people, half of which didn't pay to get in, at a rinky-dink show in Ottawa, and killed the hopes and dreams of some young "upstart" by snapping his neck with a Dragon Clutch and ending his career? FRANKIE (Both Frankensteiners get in the Bryants' faces) No, but I guess I could try tonight! All four men start wildly brawling in the hallway! They go back and forth before Sean kicks Frankie in the nuts. Sean then rakes Frank's eyes to open up the advantage for Alex. Both Bryants pound on the Frankensteiners for a few seconds, before Nate and Mikey Tethers, formerly the Rave and Assault Squad, jump into the ring and tackle a Bryant apiece. COLE The Bryants haven't made ANY friends in the back! Mikey and Nate stay on top of Sean and Alex Bryant, and continually let loose with punches to the face. Just then, Skull Mask and Skull Kid suddenly rush into the scene and pull the Tethers Brothers off of the Bryants. They then start brawling wiht the Tetherses while standing. The Frankensteiners soon jump in and start attacking both teams. As those three teams brawl, we can see Sean and Alex Bryant sneak back into the door in which they came out of, as a large group of officials step in to break up the fight. COACH Those little sneaks! "Causing trouble" must be Sean Bryant's middle name! COLE That sounds about right. And also, what's the deal with Skull Mask and Skull Kid jumping in there? COACH This situation's in turmoil...let's go to the main event!

(Return from break) COLE Well, still no update on Caboose, but we DO have word from Josh Matthews, who's standing by in the back with Hoff! Josh, you there? The cameras cut backstage to the interview area, where Josh Matthews and the new 24/7 Champion, Hoff, are standing in front of a fancy HeldDOWN backdrop. JOSH Thanks, Michael. I'm here with Hoff and-- Hoff abruptly grabs J. Math by the collar and yanks Josh toward himself. HOFF Say it right, Josh. Like I told you. Hoff lets Josh back down, and Josh fixes his collar before looking up at Hoff with slightly masked contempt. JOSH *ahem* Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, once again, the Twenty-Four Seven Champion, Hoff. The arena ERUPTS in jeers as Hoff looks up, closing his eyes and smiling smugly as he pats the 24/7 title belt, slung firmly over his shoulder. JOSH Now, Hoff, I do have to ask you about the conclusion of last week's match. After you specifically told the Thrillogy not to get involved, you proceeded to call them out to the ring to come to your aid? I-- HOFF Now, wait just a minute, Josh. There's some issues here that need to be cleared up. First of all, I didn't call anyone out to help me. In fact, as we can clearly see, I didn't need any help when Zack and Cal came down. Can we roll the footage? On the AngleTron, and on the TV sets of millions nationwide, footage of last week's 24/7 title bout begins to roll. The HeldDOWN logo scrolls across the screen as we cut back to Hoff and Matthews. HOFF So, as you can plainly see, I had the match in total control. This draws a HUGE boo from the crowd. COACH What?! JOSH Um, Hoff, I don't think-- Hoff raises a hand to Josh's face. HOFF Once Chris missed his frog splash, I knew the end was at hand, and I simply called the boys down to celebrate. COLE Come ON! JOSH ....well, be that as it may, it certainly took a lot more than just celebrating to beat Chris Stevens! Hoff looks shocked and possibly emotionally wounded. HOFF What? What?! No no no. I would have been just fine. However, unlike that miserable wretch Chris Stevens, I actually have friends. And if those friends should choose to act of their own accord, well, there's really very little I can do about it. Hoff shrugs in mock innocence as the crowd gets irate. HOFF But, I want to stress one thing, and that is that the interference by Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein was in NO WAY premeditated. May lightning strike me if I'm telling a lie. Hoff holds one hand over his heart as Josh looks frantically to the sky, stepping quickly away from Hoff. COLE Come on, he's basically admitting it was all a setup! COACH I dunno, Mikey. Not to play Caboose, but, he could be telling the truth! COLE Please. Josh hesitantly steps back toward the smirking 24/7 Champion. JOSH Well, in any event, a lot of people are calling your win last week tainted, which is partially why the board has ordered you to defend your title at AngleSlam! HOFF Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the damn board thinks they're so clever, trying to scare me, maybe trying to get me to make a mistake. Well, guess what, Board. I don't get scared, and I don't make mistakes. I am the 24/7 Champion. I'm the friggin' Emperor of Death, for crying out loud! I mean, what can they possibly throw at me that would faze me? That would scare the future? JOSH Well, there is the matter of who you'll be facing in that match... Hoff rolls his eyes. HOFF Please. Like I'm scared of those two nobodies. I know all about their little match tonight, and frankly, I hope they kill each other. But either way, it don't matter to Hoff! On one hand, you got Chris Stevens, the guy who's been riding my coattails ever since I broke into this business. Let me tell you: anything Chris Stevens has done, Hoff has done better. And that includes being the 24/7 Champ. Now on the other hand, you got Gunner... Gunner's name draws a good-sized pop from the Calgary crowd. HOFF You got Gunner, a man who was so scared to face me at the Emperor of Death tournament that he faked an injury just to get out of the match. The crowd jeers that statement pretty hard. COLE WHAT?! Gunner didn't fake a thing! It was Hoff who attacked him!! HOFF Gunner Sharps, since the day I joined up with the Underground, that fateful October night, I have never, ever liked you. And do you know why? Because just like Chris Stevens, everything you can do, I can do better. Oh, that's right, big boy, I can do everything better than you. No I can't? Hell yes, I can. More power. More ability. More speed, more endurance, more charisma. You are everything that's wrong with this sport, and I am everything that's right. I am the answer. And if you happen to beat out Chris Stevens tonight -- and that's not a bet I would take -- but if you somehow manage to get past Stevens, I'll be waiting, and come AngleSlam I will wipe your career off the face of the Earth. You hear me? When I get through with you, they're gonna need a shovel to scoop you off the mat. Your days are numbered. Chris Stevens, that goes double for you. When it's all said and done, when the smoke has cleared, you, you, you Matthews, Cole and Coach in the booth, Caboose wherever the hell he is, and all these people will see that I am STILL the 24/7 Champion, STILL the Emperor of Death, and still the very future, the heart and soul of this industry. Not Gunner, not Gunner, and definitely not Chris Stevens. Me. The Man. The Future. And that, Josh, is a promise. Hoff thrusts the mic into an awestruck Matthew's arms before turning and walking off. Matthews simply sits dumbfounded, until the cameras gratefully turn back to Sofa Central. COACH ...Wow. COLE Love him or hate him, and most hate him, but there was a lot of intensity out of the 24/7 Champion just then. COACH Absolutely, it seems like regaining the 24/7 title has really lit a fire under him! COLE That may be the case, but how long will he hold onto it? Will he be victorious at AngleSlam, or will it be one of these two men? Gunner Sharps! Chris Stevens! A shot at the 24/7 Title on the line, and it's NEXT! (Go to break) (Return from break) CUE: "Debonaire" by Dope The fans come to life as Gunner Sharps steps out through the curtain! COLE We're all set for tonight's match between Gunner Sharps and Chris Stevens! COACH Indeed. Remember, the winner of this match gets a shot at Hoff's 24/7 Title at AngleSlam! And with the "round-the-clock" stipulation suspended, they will definitely get their paws on the big man of the Thrillogy! Gunner makes his way down to ringside, looking focused but also taking time to slap hands with some fans. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 375 pounds....GUNNER SHARPS!!! Gunner rolls into the ring and raises his arms as the fans chant his name. "Debonaire" fades out, being replaced by Local H's "Bound for the Floor" as the fans pop again! BUFFER And his opponent, from Rochester, Minnesota, weighing in tonight at 221 pounds...the former 24/7 Champion...CHRIS STEVENS!!!! The fans cheer as Stevens walks out from behind the curtain, a scowl on his face. Stevens doesn't stop to play to the cheering crowd, but simply walks to the ring, rolling in and popping right to his feet. Buffer hightails it as the referee calls for the bell. *ding ding ding ding ding* Stevens locks eyes with Gunner, saying "this should be MY shot." Gunner nods and waves Stevens on. Stevens charges at Gunner, and the two men lock into a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Gunner quickly shoves Stevens to the mat. Stevens somersaults backwards and lands on his feet, scowling. COLE Stevens looks pissed! COACH Well, pissed or not, going toe-to-toe with Gunner's never a wise idea. COLE True that. Over seven feet tall and three hundred and seventy five pounds...wow. Stevens slaps his hand on the mat as he gets to his feet, and the two men begin to circle. Gunner again beckons Stevens on. Stevens feigns shooting in a couple times, but Gunner hops to the side and away. Finally, Stevens darts in again, locking up with Gunner in the center of the ring. With relative ease, Gunner pushes Stevens into the corner. The referee demands Gunner break the hold, and begins a five-count, but the big man breaks at two, and retreats to the center as the fans applaud the clean break. COLE Two guys who play by the rules...a rarity these days. COACH Word. The ref steps back and waves the two men on, and Stevens wastes no time shooting in and surprising Gunner, slipping behind him and applying a rear waistlock. Gunner throws a back elbow, but it sails over the shorter Stevens' head. Stevens holds onto the waistlock, then drops to his knees, tripping Gunner from behind and bringing him face-down to the mat. COLE Stevens gives up a foot to Gunner, but he showed last week that he knows how to take care of bigger opponents! COACH You mean he gets triple-teamed and loses? COLE Yeah, I-- NO! Shut up, you Hostess cupcake! COACH ...Wha? COLE Black on the outside, white on the inside. COACH LOW! Ouch. Nice one, Mikey, although you totally lifted it from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. COLE Hey, it was a good flick. As Ebert & Roeper discuss the acting abilities of John Cho, in the ring, Stevens gets to his feet, grabbing a downed Gunner's leg and driving his knee to the mat. Gunner clutches his leg, drawing it up to his chest, allowing Stevens to grab the other leg and slap on a half-Boston Crab. COLE Stevens wasting no time here tonight, trying to take out the big man's legs! COACH We saw what he did to Hoff's arm last week! Gunner, though, is too strong and easily powers out, kicking Stevens off of him. Gunner crawls to his knees, but Stevens turns around and levels a snap kick to Gunner's ribs, dropping the big man back to the mat. Stevens quickly seizes the opportunity, dropping a leg across the back of Gunner's neck. Stevens rolls Gunner over, and hooks his leg! Cover...but Gunner kicks out at two! Stevens gets to his feet, then pulls Gunner up, catching him acrosss the face with a European uppercut. Stevens grabs Gunner's arm and whips him acorss the ring, but Gunner reverses! Stevens comes off the far side, and Gunner catches him, pressing him up over his head! COLE Look at the power! Gunner roars with power...but then begins to wobble! Stevens shifts his weight, causing Gunner to rock, allowing Stevens to roll off of his back, catching his arms in a crucifix on the way down! Stevens rolls Gunner up, but again the big man kicks out at two! COACH Stevens looking again to end it early! COLE Well you have to believe that, after the robbery last week, Stevens felt that he deserved a rematch tonight! Instead, he wound up with Gunner! Stevens beats Gunner to his feet, and again rocks the big man with a European uppercut. Again, Stevens goes for a whip, but again Gunner reverses. Gunner telegraphs a back body drop as Stevens rebounds, but the smaller man leapfrogs him! Gunner gets up a hair too slow as Stevens rebounds again, and goes low, catching Gunner in the left leg with a big chop block! Gunner cries out as he goes down, holding his knee!! COLE Stevens is so quick, as well as so smart! COACH He's dangerous, no doubt! Stevens seizes the opportunity, getting to his feet and grabbing Gunner's left leg before planting a stomp to the inside of the knee! Gunner cringes, as Stevens stomps him again! Stevens lets the leg fall flat, then measures before jumping and coming down with a stomp acorss Gunner's knee! COLE Gunner's got to find a way to stop this, or he'll be in trouble!! Gunner rolls over onto his stomach, an expression of pain crossing his face. Stevens, still scowling, grabs his knee and again slams it to the canvas! Stevens picks the leg up again and uses it to turn Gunner over. Stevens then reaches down, grabbing Gunner's other leg and crossing them! Stevens locks his hands in between Gunner's massive legs, and tries to turn him! COLE Looks like maybe a Texas Cloverleaf coming from Stevens...oh wait a minute!! Stevens bends down to try to gain some additional leverage, but Gunner quickly musters up his power and kicks his legs out, sending Stevens sprawling back into the ropes!! Gunner sits up as Stevens staggers forward, and Gunner reaches up, grabbing Stevens as he gets near and rolling him into a small package! COACH What the hell was that?! Whoa! The referee counts! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! Kickout! Stevens hops to his feet, looking angry. He stalks toward Gunner as Gunner gets to his feet. Stevens pulls Gunner up and throws a punch, but Gunner blocks, then sends Stevens down with a Flatliner! COLE Flatliner out of nowhere! Another cover! ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!! Kickout again! COACH Gunner is taking it to Stevens! Gunner beats Stevens to his feet, then looks out to the crowd, raising one arm and roaring as they cheer! The fans seem solidly in Gunner's corner as he lifts Stevens to his feet, scooping him up and drilling him with a HARD bodyslam! The fans cheer--but the cheers quickly turn to boos! COLE What the...oh, come on! COACH It's Hoff! Gunner spies Hoff out of the corner of his eye, then turns to the aisleway, where Hoff, still in street clothes, is walking down the ramp, patting the 24/7 Title belt perched on his shoulder. Hoff smirks at Gunner, who walks to the ropes, fuming! COLE Careful, Gunner! Don't take your eye off the ball! Gunner jaws with Hoff...until he's spun around by Chris Stevens! Stevens wallops Gunner with a right hand, then sends him off the ropes, but Gunner reverses, and catches Stevens coming off with a big boot to the face! Gunner makes a cover, but Stevens barely gets the shoulder up! COLE Thought he had him there! COACH Mikey, Hoff is getting awfully close to the ring! Hoff takes another few steps as Gunner climbs off of Chris Stevens, and again turns toward the 24/7 Champion! Gunner hurls a sea of curses down at Hoff and motions him into the ring, but Hoff calmly shakes his head no. Gunner, annoyed, waves Hoff off, then turns his attention back to Stevens. Gunner grabs Stevens by the hair as he crawls off the mat...but Stevens surprises Gunner with a swingign neckbreaker! COLE Whoa! COACH That'll take the fight out of ya! Stevens rolls into a cover, but it only gets two! Stevens again pounds the mat in frustration, then gets to his feet. Stevens finally spies Hoff at ringside, looking at him for a second before pointing a finger and shouting "YOU'RE NEXT!" The fans go BANANA as Stevens turns back to Gunner...and climbs to the top! COLE Frog Splash already? COACH Hey, if you're feeling froggy!! The fans get to their feet as Stevens heads to the apron and climbs the ropes...but again, the cheers turn to boos as Hoff walks over to the corner! Hoff hurls curses up at Stevens, and the referee moves to the apron, attempting to break the two men up... But Stevens jumps!! ONTO HOFF!! The crowd goes BALLISTIC as Stevens dives off of the top rope and onto Hoff with a full body press!! Stevens wipes Hoff out, and himself in the process, rolling off of the 24/7 champ and onto his back! The referee heads to the outside as Stevens gets to his feet, and orders Chris Stevens into the ring!! Stevens spares one last moment to literally SPIT on Hoff, drawing another pop from the fans, before rolling into the ring! RIGHT INTO THE SHARP END FROM GUNNER!! COACH OH MY GOD!! COLE Joey Styles would be proud! Stevens may be broken in half!! The cover!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! *ding ding ding* BUFFER The winner of this bout....GUNNER SHARPS!!! The fans cheer, and boo, but mostly cheer as Gunner's arm is raised by the official!! COLE Well good for Gunner, but again, Hoff has robbed Chris Stevens! COACH I think Hoff wanted to get in both these guys' heads, but hey, he paid for it! COLE Well we now know that Gunner Sharps will face Hoff at AngleSlam for the 24/7 Title, but-- HEY WAIT!! The fans boo as Hoff quickly slides into the ring, taking a celebrating Gunner down from behind with a belt shot to the back of the skull!! The fans are livid as Gunner crashes to the mat!! COLE Come on, this isn't right!! The bell rings several times, as if it might somehow stop Hoff, who is bent over, busy taunting Gunner. Hoff then stands up again, laying in the boots to the back of Gunner's head! Hoff quickly turns his attention to a rising Chris Stevens, waiting for Stevens to turn around, and walloping him with a belt shot as well!! COLE This is sick! Hoff stomps Stevens a few times as the fans continue to boo him out of the building. Hoff then turns back to Gunner, dropping his belt as the huge man slowly climbs to his knees. Hoff helps him up by the hair, then turns him over, locking him in a reverse facelock! COACH Aw, come on, not this! Not the Future Shock! COLE Hoff, don't! You made your point! Hoff smiles out to the crowd, shouting "WELCOME TO THE FUTURE!!" before lifting Gunner high into the air in a reverse suplex position...holding him... COLE My God, Hoff is HOLDING 375 pound Gunner Sharps in the air!! ...and DROPPING him into the Future Shock!!! The fans are furious as Hoff spins his legs out from under Gunner, finding his feet and grabbing his belt as "Black" begins to blare over the loudspeakers. Hoff rolls out of the ring, laughing and actually kissing his title belt before hoisting it in the air, walking backwards down the ramp. COLE Well I hope he's proud of himself. COACH He probably is! COLE Well in any event, we now know! It will be Gunner Sharps versus Hoff, with the 24/7 Title on the line, at AngleSlam!! *cut to commercial*