Patty O'Green

Show may go up on Saturday, although there's already two matches done and I'm almost done with my two promos. Damn, I could post it right now. But I'll give some people sometime!

Remember you only need to write one or two paragraph summaries of promos and matches. And a paragraph is a minimum of 3 sentences, anyone can write one! Show will go up on Wednesday.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: Recently First air date: More recently Host: Alix Maria Spezia Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You Parts of Syndicated are taped in front of a live studio audience It’s a new look, and a new attitude for syndicated television’s raunchiest, most vulgar, most mind poisoning show, OAOAST Syndicated. The show now takes place on a soundstage in Los Angeles with Alix Maria Spezia hosting the wonderful and wacky festitivities. Our dashing hostess with the mostest, Alix Maria Spezia, welcomed the studio audience to the “MUCHO IMPROVO SYNDICATO. No, she did not explain how she, a Latina, could have such awful Spanish. Instead Alix opened with a monologue reminiscent of Gallagher as she smashed water melons. No jokes went along with this, just smashing watermelons for no apparent reason. Awesome. ***Outhouse Jack Vs Charlie Moss*** Singles action for Charlie Moss against a dangerous opponent. Dangerous because he tried to stab Charlie during his intro! Fortunately Moss took him down and the match began with some devastating wrestling holds by the current tag team champion. When the match shifted to brawling, OJ seemed to have the upper hand. But his desire to fetch his hunting knife doomed in as Moss grabbed him into the Mossy Knoll for a submission Winner:Charlie Moss, via submission ARE YOU SMARTER THEN AN OAOASTER? Set up differently than the TV show who’s name I am ripping off, this gameshow pitted Vinny Valentine against OAOAST Mark Jenny Shep. Each contestant would get a series of questions, with the goal of outscoring their opponent. Alix claimed the loser would be dipped in lava and their charred remains would salt her pizza. Oh yeah, Alix was eating pizza during all of this. First question for Jenny was “Who was the first president of the United States” Vinny’s first question was “Scientifically prove the existence of god.” Jenny’s next question was “What city do the Pittsburgh Steelers play in?” Vinny’s next question “Explain why the Euler-Lagrange equation is a conjunction of the Lorenz gauge condition?” And so on it went until Vinny passed out from over taxing his mind. Alix had security drag him to her desk, where she promised to perform Syndicated’s first sacrifice to the gods! OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan conducted a stage interview with the Orange County Cobras in which the Last Kings of Scotland crashed after it was announced the two teams would meet at Zero Hour. Though heated, the situation remained cool until Danny Boy made a crude remark directed at Ned’s daughter Maya, prompting the Handsome Hustler to strike. A melee ensured and then a challenge by Ned: “I might not be cleared to wrestle until Zero Hour, but I damn sure can FIGHT! So hike your little panties up and put on your best skirt, then meet me next week on HeldDOWN~! I‘ll be waiting not with flowers…but my fist!” Staredown Contest: Alix Vs Tim Cash Tim Cash held his own against the self proclaimed queen of "looking at people awkwardly for a really long time." That is until a PA set his shirt on fire. For some reason that caused him to break his gaze on Alix. Ever the good guy Cash laughed and said a third degree burn is nothing a few bandaids can't handle. What a guy! ***Denzel Spencer, Colombian Heat, Teal Tiger Vs Sandman9000, ThunderKid, and CMJ*** The headline match for Syndicated was a six-man tag team match featuring the six participants in the Chamber of Hell match this Sunday at Zero Hour. Denzel Spencer and Colombian Heat, two former U.S. champions, teamed up with the Teal Tiger, who most certainly did not wrestle under a previous identity and win two of those titles himself! Their opposition was the odd combination of Heartland champion Sandman9000 and United States champion Thunderkid, representing the Deadly Alliance, and Colin Maguire Jr., representing the Enterprise. Thunderkid was on the defensive early, as his opposition took turns teeing off on him and working over his arm. Fortunately, CMJ landed a cheap shot from the outside, and TK was able to escape the onslaught as his partners took control of the match. Denzel was reeling from the rough styles of CMJ and Sandman, but managed to evade a high-risk move late from CMJ and bring the Tiger in. The Tiger was a HOUSE AFIRE~!, flooring everyone with right hands, and sending TK to the outside with a big belly-to-belly suplex! However, Sandman leveled him from behind, then held him for a shot from CMJ, which missed and connected with Sandman instead! The short-tempered champion leveled his own partner in retaliation, before a PELE KICK from Heat sent him out of the ring, and the DA mates retreated, leaving CMJ to fall victim to the Tiger's Sharpshooter, ending the match. WINNERS: Denzel Spencer, Colombian Heat, & The Teal Tiger

Awwwww. Is everything okay? Hang tough, soldier!

Saw it, but there's nothing else to post besides Alix's variety show segments Patty is

lol If a show where you only have to write a paragraph or two is cursed by an almost non existent turnout I fear the end is nearer than you might think.

OAOAST Women's Title Scramble Jade Vs Holly Vs Maggie Vs Morgan Vs Sophie Don't forget about this week's syndicated! Send me stuff! Use the syndicated booking thread!

Hmmmm on second thought would any one mind starting it this week? I'd plan on putting the show up on Wednesday, and I'll throw up a booking thread also. Or you can just straight send me the skits match summaries, whatever without mentioning it in the thread. Anyway I'll think I'll start it this week.

I would've suggested the OAOAST Variety Hour. Imagine the show opening with a random dance number, followed by a match and skit (MD's sex advice or 8 Simple Rules for Dating a Nerdly Girl). Smell the page views! I really don't think KC wants to make a new graphic. But very good idea anyhow, maybe we'll just take that same format and just use the syndicated name. Soooooo we'll try this not the upcoming week but the week after that. Sound good to everyone?

Apologies for the late show!

ALF'S mainevent six man tag!

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We swing into the OAOAST arena "HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!" The stage is lit by multicolored spotlights as "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana hits. Abdullah Abir Nerdly, in a light cream suit, leads the way making great proclaimations of his man, the goggled Synth. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by "The Speaker Of The Prophets", ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY... from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing one hundred, ninety seven pounds... SYNTH AAAAAAABBDDUUUUUUULLLLLLL... JJJAAAAAAABBAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth falls to his knees and gives praise, Abdullah trying to elicit the same praise out of the crowd. And failing. COLE The battle between The Heavenly Rockers and D*LUX continues here tonight, as Synth takes on "Showtime" Shayne. And last week it was their respective partners doing battle as Logan took on Tyler... COLE ...and although Tyler got a small measure of revenge after the match and defended the honour of his manager, it still goes down as one in the win column to The MACHO Macho Mann. Synth and Abdullah consult the great book, looking both angered and for some reason surprised when "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits and distracts them. As if they'd somehow forgot this was a wrestling show and not a prayer meeting. Shayne Brave bounds through the curtains and plays to the crowd in green denim pants and a yellow denim jacket, backed up by the Duncan daughters. BUFFER And his opponent. Led to the ring by the managerial team of JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN and MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD! Hailing from Detroit, Michigan and weighing one hundred, eighty three pounds... one half of D*LUX... "SHOWTIME" SSSHHHHAAAAAAAYYYYYYNNEEEEEE... BBRRRRAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEEEEEE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tagging hands, Shayne makes his way down the aisle, outdone in the crowd friendly attire stakes by Maya in an Australian rugby top. COACH That girl knows more about pro wrestling than half of our roster. COLE And yet you and The Heavenly Rockers still think that she's overpaid. COACH She is! In which case, half of our roster is overpaid. I'd go along with that assessment. Shayne slides in and like last week, Jade stays at ringside while Maya joins the commentary team. *DINGDINGDING* Clapping gets the crowd behind Shayne, forcing Synth to duck through the ropes and call for a timeout. MAYA G'day guys! COLE Hi Maya. Good to see you. MAYA Don't patronise me. COLE ..... MAYA I'm just kidding, good to see you too! High-five! Having consulted with Abdullah, Synth ducks back inside and is ready to lock up. And he grabs a side headlock. Shayne struggles and manages to force Synth back against the ropes, getting a clean break. Once broken apart Synth throws a not-so clean right hand, trying to get in a cheapshot, but Shayne blocks it and returns fire! Repeated right hands set up an irish whip, Synth sent over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop, enough to send him bailing to the outside! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Abdullah comes over with the book again, apparantly pointing out a verse that'll help Synth out. MAYA Ya know, some of these religions are kinda funky and are responsible for wacky things happening. And I only got a D- in Religious Studies. But I'm pretty sure no religion's intention when writing an all-powerful book was to help someone win a pro wrestling match. Synth slides back in, enlightened. Shayne goes to lock up with him again, but Synth is expecting just that and buries a knee to the gut! COACH Praise be! Clubbing away at the back Synth works Shayne down to one knee and does just that, praising the greater powers watching over him. However, at that point, the powers decide to take a coffee break, leaving Synth to get cut down with a crossbody having whipped Shayne to the ropes... 1... 2... No! Shayne knocks Synth backwards with an elbow, staggering him into a corner. Winding up, Shayne then flies at Synth and hooks him with a monkey flip, sending him for a BUTT-scraping flight. Once he skids to a halt Synth tries to beg off, but Brave has none of it and slings right hands. COACH Attacking a man while he's on his knees, when he's at his most vulnerable, wailing away on him and just letting him have it, right in the face... disgusting. MAYA I'm too young for innuendo, so I'm gonna say nothing. But know that that was kinda gay. Picking Synth back up Shayne goes for an irish whip, but it's reversed. Approaching the turnbuckles, it takes an innovative evade from Shayne to avoid them, pushing off the top and floating onto the apron. And just in time to catch Synth charging with a right hand. Shayne runs down the apron and up the other set of turnbuckles, taking flight with a high crossbody... 1... 2... No! Shayne keeps the pace quick and Synth struggles to keep up, dropping down as Shayne comes off the ropes. Shayne leaps over and hits the opposite ropes. Synth ducks his head for a backdrop, but Shayne counters with a sunset flip... but Synth rolls through to his feet and hits Shayne with a seated crossbody!! MAYA Lame! COLE Synth, not quite so high on his high-cross. But the damage was done. 1... 2... No! Both men get back to their feet at a stand-off. Which doesn't sit well with Synth. Reaching up, he lowers his goggles down over his eyes and charges right for Shayne... MAYA LOOK OUT! ...and Shayne drops down, sending Synth sprawling through the ropes to the outside!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Goggles or no goggles, Synth isn't flying too high or too accurately tonight in Sydney. Shayne celebrates in the ring, to applause from Jade. COACH You know, if you really know what's going to happen before Synth and Logan do, why are you here and Jade's in the corner? MAYA This way, everybody knows I'm here. At all times. COLE You have much to teach us, oh wise one. Angrily picking himself up on the outside Synth climbs back to the apron, getting into it with the Aussie fans. That distraction doesn't help, as Shayne hooks him and gives Synth a hiptoss back inside. Synth backs off from "Showtime", but manages to lure him in and deliver a boot to the gut. Synth goes to work with shots across the back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a knifedge chop. As Shayne clutches at his chest, Synth quickly snapmares him to the mat and drops a quick knee to the forehead. Cover... 1... 2... No! MAYA What sort of a name is 'Synth'? SAJ traps Shayne in a rear chinlock, trying to control his opponent. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" The Sydney crowd's chants start to will Shayne (or Shaaiiyyne, when in an Australian accent) back to his feet. But as soon as he gets close to both feet on the mat, Synth reaches up and uses a handful of hair to help pull Shayne back down to the mat in the chinlock. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jade complains to the referee of a hairpull, but when he asks Synth, he protests his innocence. MAYA I'm serious. Here's a dude who's first name is 'Synth'. You go on the website and his first name is 'Synth'. I'll bet his contract has his first name as 'Synth' and he probably signed it 'Synth'. And nobody thinks this is odd or ever makes any comment about this. Fighting up again Shayne draws on the support of the crowd some more, this time reaching his feet. And he digs an elbow into the ribs. A second. And a third. With the hold broken Shayne then hits the ropes. Synth tries to cut him off with a clothesline, but Shayne ducks underneath. Synth recovers though and catches Brave coming back with a jumping high knee to the face! Cover... 1... 2... No! MAYA Like, my Mom knows lots of Hollywood stars and plenty of them have stupid names lined up for their kids, but... wow. Synth pulls Shayne up again and sets him up for a vertical suplex. But first, he stops to give praise. Which allows Shayne time to recover and counter with a small package... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Synth is able to cut Shayne off any further with a knee to the gut, before slapping him across the back in irritation. COLE Two halves of two of the finest tag teams in the OAOAST, The Heavenly Rockers and D*LUX going at it here in beautiful Sydney, Australia. And man, the OAOAST has always prided itself on tag team wrestling, but I can think of few times where the tag team division has been so competitive as right now. Synth hooks on a side headlock and backs Shayne up, aiming at a certain point in the canvas which he plans to smush Shayne's face into. The bulldog is countered, as Shayne manages to push Synth off. Stopping himself short of the turnbuckles, SAJ turns around to find Shayne leaping at him, hooking him for a flying headscissors... but Synth manages to throw Shayne off of him! Shayne lands hard on the mat and is quickly sent into the turnbuckles with an irish whip, then caught with a POWERSLAM on the way out in quick succession... COLE This could do it! 1... 2... Kickout! Abdullah leads the protests about the count. Even though the referee isn't fluent in Arabic, the message is clear, "count faster". Mounting Shayne, Synth fires away with illegal punches until the referee threatens a disqualification. Synth immediately apologises and becomes a man of peace again, backing away. MAYA It's so heartening to see what spiritual enlightenment can do, isn't it? Not. COLE Maybe Logan Mann could do with some of that calming influence, he's been a wildman lately. Once it's 'morally right' to compete, Synth creeps up behind Shayne and throws him face-first into the turnbuckles. Synth then fires away with more right hands in the corner. Another clean, spiritual break, before whipping Shayne across the ring. Shayne hits the opposite corner hard... but still manages to get a foot up! Clearing his head, Synth charges again... and eats the foot again. Suddenly, Synth gets an idea. He pulls down his goggles for protection, giving a thumbs up... and running right into two feet to the face! MAYA "Ze goggles, zey do nothing!" Get it? It's a Simpsons reference! COACH That show aired before you were even born you wannabee poser! With Synth dazed, Shayne climbs to the middle rope and plants his two feet again, this time into Synth's back with a mushroom stomp!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Showtime Stomp! Synth's head hits the bottom turnbuckle and he sits in a daze in the corner, goggles now wonky. Crawling over, Shayne drags Synth out and hooks a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Going outside, Shayne begins to climb to the top rope. COLE Shayne going to take a risk here, going up. As Synth pulls himself up Abdullah screams warnings from the outside. His screaming, in a different tongue, don't do Synth any good and it takes some wild gesturing and pointing to get him to turn around. And by that point Shayne is in the air and hitting a Flying Clothesline!! COLE Connects! MAYA Cover cover cover cover cover cover cover! Shayne does cover... 1... 2... Kickout! MAYA Faster faster faster faster faster faster! Trying to catch a break Synth rolls into a corner and tries to plead spiritual timeout, which is presumably more effective than a normal timeout. Shayne doesn't want to give it though and moves in, but falls into the trap, Synth headbutting him in the stomach. Synth then goes behind Shayne, setting him up for a back suplex. Floating up and over, Brave lands on his feet though, shoving Synth's chest into the corner before rolling him up... 1... 2... Synth grabs the jeans and reverses so he's on top... 1... 2... NO! COLE Synth almost stole it right there with a handful of the jeans! COACH If he didn't want his jeans pulled, he shouldn't be wearing jeans. MAYA Thumbs up idea! Finding himself in the corner after the kickout, Synth sees Shayne charging towards him and sidesteps. Shayne hits the corner, but when Synth tries to hit the ropes for a clothesline, Shayne comes out and meets him with a high standing dropkick! COLE Great dropkick by "Showti... MAYA Yo, Michael, I'm really happy for you, I'm gonna let you finish... but Scotty Static had one of the best dropkicks of all time! Cover by Shayne... 1... 2... No! Shayne pulls Synth back up and gives the signal for the Shaynedrop... but Abdullah climbs to the apron... and Synth goes to the eyes! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MAYA Nuts to this! COLE Hey! THROWING down her headseat, Maya leaps into action, as Abdullah steps off the apron to be confronted by Jade. Not quite a fair fight, Abdullah shows no fear in the face of the former women's champ and rants at her. Not realising that behind him, Maya has snuck up and is preparing to PANTS HIM!! ABDULLAH "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COACH AAH! THAT'S A SPIRITUAL LEADER! COLE And those are the spiritual leader's underroos! Abdullah is in shock and collapses, trying to cover his dignity. The Duncan girls laugh and high-five over Abdullah's attempts to shuffle underneath the ring to safety. Meanwhile in the ring, Synth can't believe what he's seen, but tries to tear himself away. Re-adjusting the goggles, Synth scoops Shayne up for a slam, only for Shayne to float over the back. Shayne lands on his feet and as Synth turns around, he hooks him with the SHAYNEDROP!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Cover by Shayne! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And Shayne Brave evens things up in singles competition! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "SHOWTIME" SSSHHHAAAAAYYYYNNEEE... BBRRRRAAAAVVVVEEEEEEE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Shayne pumps the fists at the victory and Jade and Maya prepare to join him in the ring to celebrate. But before they can do so, HOLLY appears and pulls Jade off the ring apron, before SHOVING HER INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!! COLE HEY! COME ON! Hearing the thud, Maya realises something is up and quickly goes to tend to her sister, just as LOGAN MANN slides into the ring. Catching Shayne by surprise, he spins him around and drills him with the PERCUSSION DDT, right in the middle of the ring! Boos ring out, replaced with hopeful cheers as TYLER BRYANT hits the ring, trying to make the save. But he's cut off as soon as he slides in. COLE This is breaking down, The Heavenly Rockers aren't taking this loss with a whole lot of good sportsmanship. COACH Well neither did Tyler last week. And he's going to get his too. Tyler tries to fight back on Logan and manages to get to his feet, only for Synth to strike from behind. And two on one, Tyler is simply overwhelmed. The Heavenly Rockers beat Tyler down, before positioning him and delivering the DOUBLE Percussion DDT, leaving Tyler laying right next to his tag team partner. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" Logan flips out on the fans, luckily not coming to blows with anyone, as poor Abdullah is re-pantsed and helped to his feet by Synth. Pleased with their work The Heavenly Rockers leave with Holly and Abdullah, leaving three laying at their hands. COLE I understand this is personal animosity, but this was uncalled for. Holly's got her job back, every's right in The Heavenly Rockers' world. There was no reason for this. Except to prove they're sore losers, in which case job done. COACH The man's PANTS were pulled down Michael! That's not the kind of crime you commit and expect to get away with! COLE Give me a break. Sure thing! COMMERCIAL

OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# The Love Shack set hasn’t fared too well during its many months of misuse and is overran by cobwebs, dust and grime. This doesn’t seem to bother its current host, as she sits behind the desk adimiring her fetching features in a compact mirror. Who is this mystery woman, checking herself out on live TV? I think you know the answer to that. KRISTA You prayed, you begged, you wished, and you hoped, you’d never see the Love Shack and its simple jokes, awkward laughter, and degradation of the talk show profession, but like a picture of a naked ThunderKID destroys one’s will to live and love, so to have I destroyed the cancelation of the Love Shack! Things are sadly musty in here, and there’s cobwebs, unfortunately Leon’s not being strangled by any of them, and there’s lots of dust but hey it beats any show hosted by Jimmy Fallon. Regardless now that Leon has learned what I learnt from countless hours with my mother, life sucks and everyone secretly hates you, the show has been on the aforementioned hiatus. I figured why should such a crappy concept go unused so long, after all we still have NASCAR and MyNetwork. Thusly, I brought it back, and it’s a great way to torment Leon. And we pay tribute to his record setting feat of causing viewers in 37 countries around the globe to abruptly change the channel. Apparently there’s a guest, which is odd because I just commandeered this set like ten minutes ago, when I was looking for the water cooler, which I was going to spike it with cyanide and sneak it to Reject’s locker room. And this first guest guest is Leon’s former girlfriend and my current girlfriend, the lovely and sometimes talented Alix Maria Spezia! To canned applause Alix walks onto the set ALIX Hey. KRISTA How are things? ALIX Not bad. KRISTA Good. ALIX Did you see the bird fly into the window at the Hotel? KRISTA No, I didn’t. ALIX Yeah, you were in the shower. KRISTA I guess I was. That’s too bad. ALIX Yeah. KRISTA Oh well. ALIX Yeah. KRISTA Un, so dish the gossip, baby. Tell us what we all have been dying to know. What was it like surrendering your life to an overwhelming despair and darkness aka sleeping with Leon Rodez. Was it pornstar quality? ALIX Oh no way! Leon doesn’t make his partner better in bed. Sex is all about can you make your partner better, and stuff. For all his experience like in porn and whatever, he couldn’t get to me to orgasm and whatever in our whole five months of dating. Like, compare that to you for intance, we’ve filled six video tapes in like two months of solid, straight orgasms. That's the consistency you need to be an impact player at this level of sex. Leon thought talent alone would carry him, but when you're talking orgasms at such a high level, talent is only half the battle. And Leon got all his sex in garbage time, half of his sex per week ratio was just from lyin on top of me when I was asleep and too lazy to hit him with a really sharp object. And if you like check the stats and stuff you’ll see you have a much higher orgasm rating and you’re more efficient in getting there. Plus your sex is done in clutch situations, like right before Idol is about to come on, or when we’re at your mother’s house and she’s hosting tea party with all the ladies from the country club, you didn’t even miss a beat when Larry King’s wife walked in on us. That’s the sign of a true superstar. KRISTA So what I’m hearing, honey, is that Leon Rodez despite his heavy reliance on eXtense, is not as sexually competent as Krista Isadora Duncan? ALIX Yeah, that’s pretty much it. KRISTA Molly, you’ve also nearly ruined your entire life by having sex with Leon Rodez. Share a little bit about that, honey. MOLLY I will not broach that subject under any circumstances! However, I will note that although my dignity may have been lost, I was fortunate to escape without any STDs. It’s a risk any one who lies with Leon dares to take! KRISTA On that always thrilling and non-revolting subject, our expert research team of Terry Taylor and a billy goat have dredged up this clip of Leon Rodez speaking on that same subject. Footage is grainy and pixilated, but Leon Rodez stands in front of what appears to be former OAOAST superstars Axel and The Panther. He speaks very animatedly with wild hand gestures RODEZ Dont EVER tell a girl you have an STD. I don’t care how much she loves you, she will never look at you the same. And will have to make her do you and will think of them damn sores or breakouts, She would have to be a damn fool to perform oral sex on you, and when the sex goes bad, everything else follows! Just keep the condoms on and you'll do fine. No one will ever question that! I wouldn’t even tell, even if I put a ring on her finger. Besides, they got herbs that can cure it or suppress the levels, so when and if the time does come for some raw sex, which I’m sure will be a looooong way away unless the weddings already been planned: You can get right, so you wont give it to her. KRISTA Advice that’s both prudent and socially relevant. Thank you, Leon Rodez. Thank you. Molly, what’s next? MOLLY You seem to have forgotten there is a skit for this program. It is written in plain English in the script. KRISTA There’s a script? (Krista rummages through papers on the desk) Its written in pink crayon it says an inside look at Leon Rodez’s recruitment drive. Drive is in explicably spelled with an X. Well, seeing that I’ve ran out of jokes, I think its time to roll crap….Oops I meant roll footage. We fade on a tiny one bedroom apartment, littered with News clipings about Krista, and pictures of her ripped into shreds. Sitting on a tattered worn down couch is Krista herself dressed as Leon Rodez. Suddenly Alix dressed as Lucius Soul enters the apartment and looks around in wide eyed wonderment. LEON Welcome, brother in arms! I am the prince of darkness, and the emissary of evil. I have called you noble soldier to the front lines to serve in my army of vengance! Lucius Soul will you help defeat Krista with me? LUCIUS SOUL Awwww shit you got everything up in this mug. Soul takes a look at the stereo system SOUL You got mo’ shit in here than a WAL*MART in the hood. LEON Yes, I do, but- SOUL For every day low prices: rob Leon Rodez. Soul gets a look at one of the paintings on the wall. SOUL I bet this painting must’ve cost both arms and three legs. Who it by, Mozart? LEON Please lets get back to Krista! Will you help me or not? Soul begins playing inside the kitchen area. SOUL You even get running water in here. Last time I had running water, I got a FEMA check with it! You gets what you got and gots what you get. You like me, son, I be all up in shit. When them levees broke, them windows broke cause I was stealin TVs with my niggas, LG, Samsung, I got so much electronics I could revive Circuit City. KRISTA (V.O) And like one of Theodore Moneymaker’s promos it continued on and on with little or no point… Soul tap dances in front of Leon, wearing his Detroit Lions’ baseball cap. LEON That’s my hat! SOUL Ain’t I lookin’ clean in it? Leon tries to calm himself down with the Xbox 360, but he’s stopped by Soul snatching the controller from him LEON I was playing that! SOUL Damn this bitch got that surround sound, I bet the sub woofer is hot. Why you pick the Lions, that team ain’t shit, Saints, man, all day every day. This 360 is tight, I bet you on that Xbox Live tearin crackas in Somalia up. LEON I don’t think there are too many crackas in Somilia. SOUL Shit man when I was prison two of these Russian dudes had beef with me. Caught me slippin the shower by myself, and my nigga, my ass virginity was lost! I couldn’t sit straight for two months. Still got nightmares, yo! I wish they’d have cold war part 2 I be bustin in Russian niggas ass all day long! LEON DING DONG Leon rushes over to open the door, revealing Maggie Nerdly dressed as Synth Esizer. LEON Synth glad you could make it. My army grows more powerful with each day! Synth brushes past Leon to dap up Soul. SYNTH Yo-yo, Lucius Soul I heard you was deep in the hood! SOUL You heard dat real talk, mah white nigga! SYNTH What I gotta do to get The Rockers in your crew? LEON Guys- SOUL Man my crew is a family! That crew is made up of niggas I been knowing since the womb. Except for Scott and Danny boy who I met through the talent relations department. Oh and Esther. And Rico, we met in OAOVW. Every one else though- LEON That is everyone else. Guys can we just talk about Krista- SOUL Fuck bitches get that paper! SYNTH You can lose money chasin’ hos but you can’t lose ho’s chasin money. If this wrestling shit don’t work we gonna be runnin up in people’s houses, right? LEON Guys! SOUL Hell yeah, all in the name of Allah! SYNTH Praise be! SOUL We gonna be out in the street movin that rock, bringing a whole new generation of crack babies to the maternity word. SYNTH And we be workin in Target, folding them clothes, or maybe workin at the little food court they got fixin the slurpee machine. LEON ….. SOUL HELL THE FUCK YEAH, MY NIGGA! I love me some slurpees! Get that minium wage paycheck, put a camera in the women’s changing room and we go to titty heaven! Leon cruls himself into a ball and begins sobbing uncontrollably over his failed scheme. We cut back to the Love Shack set. KRISTA If you thought that was bad wait till you watch a James Blonde match! James Blonde? Have I insulted that many heels that I’m down to Landon’s weasel faced ass monkey? Whatever. Things have continued to get worse in Leon’s recruitment drive, so bad that he's had to go beyond the grave for lumberjacks. Lets take a look… ZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRT! What's that odd sound? Why, that's the sound of The Love Shack being abruptly pulled from the airwaves. Fortunatley with so many cameras littered about, finding the cause of this isn't terribly difficult. Leon Rodez is seen outside a production truck, ripping away at wires in a furious frenzy. DIRECTOR Hey, you can't do that! LEON No, no, no. no! You do not tell me what to do! PRODUCER Are you crazy? We were live with that? LEON Am I crazy? Am I crazy? I'd be crazy to let that continue! I will not be humiliated! Not by her! Not tonight! Not ever again! Leon rips out his final cord, sending sparks shooting through the air. LEON I believe you have some wires to repairs to make gentlemen. The number one contender sulks off, leaving behind wide eyed crew members. COMMERCIAL

Backstage we find D*LUX looking troubled, Tyler and Shayne still regrouping after their run in with The Heavenly Rockers. As they talk over what happened, they suddenly find themselves with more troubles to worry about, as Leon Rodez walks over. TYLER Man, don't even start. LEON Oh, I think you're gonna want to hear this. See, I don't know what the hell you two were thinking last week, coming out and interfering in my business. Funny way of making out like you've severed all ties with me. So, since you're still so interested in what I do. How about being lumberjacks at Zero Hour? Tyler and Shayne look at each other. LEON Do you want me to wait for you to ask permission? Or are the girls not around? SHAYNE No. We'll do it. TYLER Yeah, somebody's got to make things fair. Smiling to himself, Leon nods. LEON I see. You go out there as lumberjacks, at least Krista's got somebody on her side? I feel so sorry for you. I do. You're blind. Blind to fact that you're just like me. SHAYNE We're nothing like you, man. LEON Oh, you are. More than you'll ever know. What? Let me guess. You think if you help Krista out, someday she'll return the favour. Friends helping out friends? Maybe even more? How'd that work out for you tonight? No answer from Shayne, or Tyler. Leon smiles to himself again, then becomes serious. LEON I'm not interested in being fair. But if you're going to help out Krista, so be it. Who knows... maybe standing outside that ring, next to so many other people Krista humiliated, the way she humiliated you two... maybe you'll figure it out for yourselves. Leon gives his former friends a look, before turning and walking away, leaving D*LUX with much to think about. COMMERCIAL

“Protect Your Mind (2009)” by DJ Sakin & Friends cues and the Last Kings of Scotland march ringside. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by fellow Last King of Scotland, Danny Boy… representing ALL THE QUEEN’S MEN… “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Scott threatens to go Ron Artest but thankfully is restrained by security. COLE What a match-up this should be. Scottish Scott one-on-one against Simon Singleton. And you know Simon will have payback on his mind after what Scott did to Ned last week, resulting in a mild concussion for the Handsome Hustler who doctors wouldn‘t even clear to be ringside. COACH That’s funny. I thought you needed a brain to get a concussion! “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and the crowd goes wild. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY… from Orange County, California, one-half of the wildly popular ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS tag team… “BOX OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon sprints to the ring and surprises the Last Kings with a SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE! COLE Simon not messing around, he’s taking it right to Scottish Scott. COACH Thanks to a cheap shot, which you failed to mention. * DINGDINGDING * Danny tumbles outside while Scott chops away on Scott. Simon whips him in for a hip toss, and then a spinning wheel kick. The Orange County Cobra plays to the crowd before unloading on Scott in the corner. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! Scott wobbles out and falls flat on his back mid-ring, then gets SPLASHED! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Simon rams Scott into the buckle and follows with forearm shots. Whipped across, Scott gets the knee up as Simon charges in, then takes to the air. BUT SIMON DRILLS SCOTT WITH A DROPKICK ON THE WAY DOWN!! COLE/COACH Simon heads up top, but Danny Boy SHAKES the ropes, causing Simon to CROTCH himself! COLE He’s got no business interfering! That’s uncalled for! Damn him! COACH I say that makes up for Simon’s cheap shot earlier. Totally unaware of what occurred behind his back, the referee darts outside to prevent Molly from confronting Danny. Meanwhile, Scott clubs Simon off the top rope and down to the floor, and then distracts the ref while Danny does a number on Simon outside. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Simon’s dumped back in, rammed into the buckle, pummeled by shoulder thrusts, slammed out of the corner and then nailed by middle rope knee drop! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Scott places Simon in a chinlock only to be drilled by a JAWBREAKER! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Scott stumbles back and is hammered against the ropes, but he reverses a whip and drives his knee into the gut of Simon! MOLLY (pointing to crowd) Simon! Simon! Simon! “SIMON!” “SIMON!” “SIMON!” Molly leads the crowd in support of Simon, drawing a smirk from Scott who clubs away. He slams Simon near the corner and attempts a VADER BOMB…but Simon gets the KNEES UP! SCOTTISH SCOTT Overhand chops stun the Scotsman, leading to an Irish whip and BAAAAAACK body drop. Scott lures Simon into a false sense of security and RAKES the eyes, then sets him up for the ARGENTINE PILEDRIVER, but Simon slips out, ducks THE SCOTTISH CLUB (Ivan Putski’s Polish Hammer) and takes Scott down with a CRUCIFIX! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… SIMON SINGLETON!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon’s hand is raised, and then Scott wallops him with THE SCOTTISH CLUB! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Molly watches in horror as the Last Kings assault Simon. COLE That’s not right. It’s 2 on 1, damn it! COACH Simon not looking to eager to fight now, is he? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd roars as NED BLANCHARD makes the save wielding a STEEL CHAIR! COACH That guy should be resting on a bed, not stirring trouble. COLE Obviously Ned could no longer sit and watch his friend get beat up, he had to do something. The Last Kings angrily point at Ned before retreating backstage. Meanwhile, Ned raises Simon’s hand in triumph as “Scream” plays in the background.

Backstage we find Morgan Nerdly sitting near a wall and rocking back and forth with a slow rhythm as she stares blankly at the world around her. JOSH (OS) There you are. Interviewer Josh Matthews rushes to Morgan’s side. Ignoring her poor mood, he shoves the microphone into her face. MORGAN You were looking for me? Really? JOSH For an interview. Morgan sighs and nods to herself. MORGAN Oh. For an interview. That’s what you do, right. Interview people. JOSH First, I must deliver some news. Your impressive performance against Krista last week turned a lot of heads. And most of those heads belonged to the match making committee. Normally they let Josie handle title matches and all that, but they had to overrule her in your case. MORGAN What do you mean? JOSH They wanted you as part of the scramble match for the women’s title at Zero Hour. Those guys weild some power around here. Too much power for Josie to stop, so she had to let you in the match. MORGAN How did she look when she told you the news? Did she look repulsed? Did she look like someone slaughtered her parents in cold blood and left them to rot in the woods? Is that the look she gave you? It figures. Who isn’t repulsed by me? I’m repulsed by me, I sometimes smash mirrors out of hate. I don’t care about 7 years bad luck, I’ve been going on 19 years bad luck! I’m sorry…I shouldn’t talk like this to you. JOSH No, no. By all means. MORGAN Are you repulsed by me Josh? Do you see a victim or do you see a criminal? I see a little bit of both, and they both disgust me. But, you aren’t repulsed by me? You aren’t cowering in fear, or keeping your distance like the others. You’re different. Morgan gathers up her courage and leans in with eyes closed for a kiss. But Josh Matthews is horrified and promptly backs away. JOSH Morgan, no! MORGAN No what? Don’t you want me? JOSH Its not that. MORGAN Aren’t I hot enough for you? Don’t I look sexy enough?! What is it, Josh? Tell me what I’ve done wrong! JOSH What about Leon? I’m just….very scared of him. MORGAN Liar! Liar! Shut up! You are disgusted by me! zzzzzzzzt JOSH Morgan- zzzzzzzzzzt MORGAN I sicken you, don’t I? zzzzzzzzzzt JOSH I didn’t say that. MORGAN You think I’m a monster, is that it. You’re too good to kiss a monster? What makes you think you’re better than me. JOSH Morgan, calm down. zzzzzzzzzt MORGAN I’ll show you how much of a monster I can be! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP JOSH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MORGAN Stings like a bitch, doesn’t it? COMING UP NEXT SIMON SINGLETON VS SCOTTISH SCOTT NEXT!

Walking through the hallways, we follow Leon Rodez, who gets booed as he shows up on the big screen. Leon can't hear the boos, but probably wouldn't care either way. And he brushes past all sorts of backstage personnel without a second glance, on his way to what turns out to be The Deadly Alliance's locker room. No knock, he soon wishes he had, as when he enters he's confronted by the sight of Mister Dick, laid up on a massage table, being rubbed down by Malaysia. MR. DICK Oh yeah that's the good stuff. Work those kinks. Malaysia immediately starts forcing her knuckles into Mr. Dick's back, which doesn't seem to trouble him. What does trouble him is being watched and he jumps up when he spots Leon, just about keeping his towel on. MR. DICK Hey! What the hell!? What is this huh, you wanna jump me while I'm BUTT naked, or you just wanna watch? Spit it out perv! LEON Save it. And... put some damn clothes on. I'm hear to talk. Eyeing Leon with suspicion, Malaysia walks over and hands Mr. Dick another towel. Mr. Dick proceeds to wrap it around his head, not what Leon had in mind. MR. DICK You got some damn nerve tryin' ta talk to me, punk. I oughta slap the taste right oughta your mouth as soon as look atcha. But I guess it's your lucky day... I'm saving my aggression up. Mr. Dick eyes up Malaysia, a kinky look between them. Leon's face doesn't change. LEON What the hell are you getting massaged for anyway? MR. DICK Duh, because I'm a frikkin' adonis? LEON Right. So it's not some kind of match preparation. Ready to fight Biff Atlas again? Barely sneak a win over the lowest guy on the totem pole? How the mighty have fallen. But hey, at least you've still got your body, right? Nevermind about success, or respect, or titles. That's why you kicked Baron to the kerb, right? To show everybody how great your abs looked? MR. DICK What the hell are you tal... LEON Face it, you're just another guy, Jock. Just another face in an endless sea of people nobody cares about. Like I said, how the mighty have fallen. Wasn't so long ago, you and me were fighting over the World Title. What was that, January? February? And now look. You're running around fighting a goofball, flying to differenty countries to make up numbers and getting babyoil massages because you're not needed after all. And I'm... Leon stops, and trails off. LEON ...you used to be someone. And then what? What happened to us? Maybe the only thing we've got in common. MR. DICK Woah woah woah. Cut the crap pencil dick, okay. I know why you're here. I ain't some moron. You're hear to make me a lumberjack. You want a little lumberdick backing you up, right? It's okay. You can some out and say it. It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, wanting the Dickman's help. Listen, I ain't forgotten a damn thing that dyke bitch did to me, so you ain't gotta gimme the hardsell. I'm in. Shaking his head, Leon looks at Mr. Dick, with his towelled waist and towelled hair, hardly the most respect earning look in the world. And he scowls. LEON I wasn't trying to give you the hardsell. I was trying to remind you of why you want to be a lumberjack. Because THIS Mister Dick... I don't want around that ring. THIS Mister Dick is no good to me. THIS Mister Dick is a complete joke, a pathetic excuse of a man who's only contribution will be to screw things up for me and fail at Krista's hands again. I wanted to remind you that Krista RUINED you. She took the hottest guy in this entire company, a guy with momentum like nobody's ever seen and she took that giant dick of yours that you keep boasting off in some self compensation for a lack of masculinity and she tore it of and put it on her trophy cabinet!! She HUMBLED you! And unless you can convince me that you've still got the heart and the desire and the hunger to see Krista's soul get raped and pillaged, the way you used to, unless you can convince me all that hasn't been drained out of you by Krista already, then you're no damn use to me at all! Now face to face, Leon and Mister Dick stare each other down. Clearly this has had some effect on Mister Dick, now seething as he glares down into Leon's eyes, even the towel wrapped around his head struggling to make the man look effeminate now. MR. DICK Count me in. Leon immediately takes a step back and smirks to himself. LEON Good enough. With another lumberjack signed off on, Leon turns to leave... and finds the doorway blocked by the rest of the DEADLY ALLIANCE. Cheif among them, Reject, who stares Leon down. After a tense few seconds, Leon finally walks past, Reject watching over his shoulder as Rodez leaves.

We return from break with Mister Dick positioned inside the ring with Malaysia at his side, and Melissa holding a microphone to his lips. MELISSA Ladies and gentlemen please join me in welcoming, Mister Dick! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” MISTER DICK Welcome Mister Dick nothing, I feel about as welcome as a KKK Grand Wizard in a black panthers meeting! “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” The Human Hard On SPITS in the direction of several audience members. MISTER DICK That’s exactly why! But I don’t give two squirts of piss what the OAOAST Marks think of me. I ain’t here to tap dance and shuck and jive for these here morons. “BOOOOOOOO!” MELISSA Please, be silent while this great man speaks. MISTER DICK I’m here to talk about an even bigger moron than all of you, I’m talkin’ about King Moron, Biff Atlas! “BIFF! BIFF! BIFF!” MELISSA A horrible influence on our children and society. MISTER DICK You got that one right! I’m so damn sick of that boy that everytime I speak his name I got a little bit of vomit in my throat. Biff has stepped out of line one two many times for this cowboy’s tastes. That boy runs his mouth talkin’ this and that nonsense about being able to fly. I ain’t never heard such crazy talk in all my life! You god damn idiot, humans can’t fly even if they strapped a flight of damn sparrows to their boots. HUMANS. CAN’T. FLY. Got it? I’m trynna learn you your listen, son, but you keep on with the tom foolery! Boy, you ain’t Superman, you ain’t Batman, and you ain’t Aquaman, as far as I’m concerned you’re a dead man! MALAYSIA Ohhhh, baby, keep it coming, give me more. More! MELISSA Yes, please continue. MISTER DICK The only ability you got, boy, is the ability to get stomped deep into the ground by me. You fancy yourself a super hero, saving god knows what and god knows why? But you ain’t no hero, not in my book. You ain’t never saved nobodies life, you done gone and fail at every thing you do and it’s a miracle you aren’t buried in a casket serving as worm food. You’re a phony and a fraud and I think you got some retard in you at that. I’m the true hero, Atlas. Make no mistake about it, I’m a high school football legend in San Antonio, my name rings bells. Same thing in college at Texas A&M, people go speakin my name in awe and reverence like you do a true hero. When yer stupid name is spokin its with disgust and pity! I hear you blah blahin about great powers and great responsibility and I just gotta laugh my damn ass off. You have no power, yer still the same wimpy boy getting scared of fireworks, hidin under the ring, and clingin onto the ropes fer dear life. You don’t deserve to be called a hero, you don’t even deserve to be alive. “BOOOOOOOO!” MALAYSIA Tell them what you’re gonna do to him, baby, tell them all the sexy, hot details. MISTER DICK Hmmmmm….if you is what you say you is, boy, then I’m askin ya to grow a set and prove it to me. The only way to prove you can fly is by tossin ya off a building or keeping ya in a high space. I can’t do the first one, but I sure as hell can do the second one. If you ain’t the miserable piece of crap coward I just called ya, then you’ll be answerin my challenge for a scaffold match at Zero Hour. MELISSA A scaffold match? MISTER DICK You done heard me right, Melissa. A scaffold match. He and I suspended all kinds of feet above the ring, dukin it out, and throwin hands, loser is the first one to go splat! But if the boy gots the skills that he claims to got, then he ain’t gotta worry about no nasty 20 foot tumble, do he? He can just fly away like a butterfly and jerk off to some wonder woman comics. MALAYSIA When his bones crack into bits and his limbs are shattered its going to be….orgasmic. Oooooooohhhhhhh, mmmmmmm, I can hardly wait. MELISSA Now we await an answer from the cowardly Biff Atlas. Right on cue the superhero of the OAOAST emerges from the back. The fans greet him with a warm pop that brings a smile to his face. BIFF I’m no coward, young lady. I once was, but not any more. Not since my “evolution”. I’m a changed man. I realize that my destiny is to protect the innocents of the world and punish those who stray from the side of good! That’s you, Mister Dick. You once were as righteous and law abiding in me. But you sold your soul to the evil sprits for fast cash and fame. Shame on you and shame on anyone who supported you. Your joy ride is on its home stretch, Jock. Its coming to an end. To your challenge, I say you’re on! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” BIFF Your vile and nefarious ways have gone on to long! I will stop them in the name of peace and justice! You will terrorize the good people of the OAOAST no more. I will battle you until the end of time and far beyond if I have to. Be afraid, Mister Dick, your day of reckoning is coming! The camera zooms in for a closeup of Biff’s trembling face, as he tries to maintain his heroic restraint. LATER TONIGHT THE LOVE SHACK RETURNS TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

You just don't wanna make a new graphic! So KC's for it, I'm for it, Tony is for it. What about Alf, and EWC, and liverbird? Any thoughts, gentlemen?

Perhaps words from Mister Dick. Perhaps indeed.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: The OAOAST is no respecter of time! First air date: You heard me! Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Theme song: (link now works!) ***LDC MONEYGANG VS LOS CONQUESTIADORS*** featuring. Unnecessary capitalization of names! Uno and Dos finally had their opportunity to enact revenge on the Moneygang. So eager were they that they attacked Reiger and CMJ on the entrance ramp. The four brawled around the ring for several minutes, with the luchadores taking the upper hand. Inside the ring was a different story with The Moneygang able to dominate by isolating Uno. Or at least what they guessed was Uno. Reiger was hammering at Uno and tried a powerslam off the ropes. But Uno countered with knees to the stomach and made the tag to Dos. Dos came in with fire and fury, attacking both The Moneygang members. Eventually they subdued Dos and kept him control for several minutes. Dos would eventually hit a running DDT off an irish whip and apply the tag to Uno. The luchadore ran with wild energy, totally styming Reiger and CMJ, until CMJ managed to chuck him out the ring. But CMJ quickly followed Uno, dumped over by Dos. However Dos soon fell due to a Reiger Counter (pedigree) from New York’s Finest. Winner: LDC Moneygang, via pinfall ***Nerdly Challenge Series: Go Kart Racing!*** What’s more fun than being crammed into a small automobile mere inches off the ground and going a top speed of 15 miles hour? Nothing, that’s what. Nothing! Maggie and Melissa realized this as they were both ready to go 2 safe acceptable speed 2 furious! The contest was officiated by avid go cart race fan, and elderly virgin Michael Cole. The Nerdly kids had to drive three laps around the ring. Things went swimmingly for most of the race, until the girls pulled neck and neck with each on the ramp during the final lap. Melissa tried to run her little sister off the ramp, but failed and ended up taking a tumble to the floor. This allowed Maggie to coast easily to the finish line and secure her spot at Zero Hour. As she was accepting her contract, Kanye West ran on stage proclaiming, “Melissa had one of the best go kart races of all time” lol I am funny, yes? NERDLY CHALLENGE BEST OF SEVEN SCORE MAGGIE-3 MELISSA-1 ***Denzel Spencer Vs J-MAX*** A hand shake started off the contest between these two fan favorites. Denzel worked over the legs early on, trying his hardest to keep the high flyer grounded. The strategy worked for sometime until O’Hara reversed an irish whip and hurricanranaed Denzel straight out the ring. The two traded attacks for several minutes, Denzel with karate style strikes and J-MAX with his high risk offense. Eventually J-Max was able to take control of the match and almost ended it with a top rope michonuku driver! Amazingly, Denzel kicked out and swung momentum in his favor. After several near falls Denzel won with the Carribean Compactor! Post match the two shook hands and posed for the cheering audience. Winner: Denzel Spencer, via pinfall. OAOAST Q&A, what superstar is most likely to be arrested for possession of illegal narcotics and controlled substances? BOSLEY: I’ll you who it won’t be! Me. This shit is all natural, 100% clean, cleaner than spic and span, my drug test comes out sparkling like mister clean.This shit, this shit right here is 100% natural clean maximization of mind, body, and soul. You gotta climb like fuckin Tibetan towers and sing to the stars with the Dali Llama to get to the place of higher mind awareness like me. I’m a fuckin revolutionary, you’re all Benedict Arnold. I see you trying to turncoat on me, sell me out to the NARCs and the DEA! Kiss my ass! If I go down I’m taking the whole locker room with me. I’ll snitch, I’ll snitch, I’ll sing like a songbird! Rodez, Bohemoth, PRL, Sandman, all of you are going down with the Alpha Male of The Group! Nobody is safe when I get to snitchin on you bastards! MORGAN: Bosley. COACH: Bosley REJECT: Bosley FAQU: RAWWWARGHHHHH (translation: Bosley) ***United States Title: Bohemoth Vs ThunderKid*** A ppv match given away for free on syndicated television! Bo hit with power and muscle right out the gate, dominating ThunderKID. He could no sustain his furious and hard hitting pace though, and fell victim to TK’s attempts to work over his neck. Bo fought out a neck vice and began his rampaging attack once again. The Green Bay born TK weathered the storm and was able to return back to targeting Bo’s neck. His DDTs and submissions almost managed to put away Bo several times in the affair. But Bo continued to fight back, and came dangerously close to robbing TK of his title. A running powerbomb might have sealed the deal for Bo if it weren’t for Sandman smashing a cane into Bo’s back for a DQ. Post match Bo cleared the house of the Deadly Alliance duo. Winner:Bohemoth, via DQ

Good show, much improved. I guess I no longer have to slaughter half of you. Good job, ppl!

Krista will have a match! That much I can tell you.

Alf I left you space for the reject/prl finish after Morgan's PSA

Gimme them bright lights, long nights High rise, overtime Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working 'till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world Dancers, baby, lots and lots of dancers, dressed as sexy Revolutinary War soldiers (!?!?!!) fill the stage twirling and dancing around their bayonets. Sergeant Sexy herself, Krista Isadora Duncan appears in a navy miniskirt, white heels, and a navy tube top showing off her well defined stomach. She seductively kisses her belt before realizing that gold=not tasty, and heads to the ring. BUFFER The following NON TITLE contest is scheduled for one fall with a TV time limit of sixty minutes. On her way to the ring, from Los Angeles, California, she is a 19 time Angle Award winner, a two time OAOAST world champion, a four time tag team champion, the founder of FIT with KID, a Hollywood Walk of Famer, a New York Times best seller, a reality TV star, owner of two masters degrees, and a proud mother, she is your OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAAAAAN! Many cheers fill the arena as Krista stops dead center at the base of the entrance ramp and tosses her head back in an alluring pose. COLE Well, Krista is just weeks away from a Lumber Jack match against Leon Rodez, and she is actually welcoming all her old enemies to challenge her at Zero Hour. I’m not so sure provoking them is a wise idea. COACH Krista’s got two masters degrees, she’s damn smart, but she’s also stubborn and pig headed as hell! Krista gives the crowd exactly what they came for, with jaw droppin and erection poppin hanging upside on the third rope. She eventually swings herself upright and throws her world title up to spur on the cheers from the fans. COLE But who is Krista’s opponent in our mainevent? Who could it possibly be? A long wait. Long. Long. Long. So very long. Damn long. Insanely Long. Tortuously long. Really long. GO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There are things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. CROWD Bolts of electricity smash onto the stage, generating blinding white hot sparks that fly every which way. The arena’s videoscreens all flash with the electricity that’s sure to be present in this very match. COLE I don’t believe it! A final all powerful bolt of electricity descends upon the middle of stage. Stepping past its smokey remains is the youthful, cute, and deadly Morgan Nerdly. The crowd continues to react with shock and awe (pun!) at the girl who’s tiny frame fills out a pin stripped booty shorted romper. The former women’s champion paces to and fro across the entrance stage, staring a distrusting stare at Krista. The world champion looks back in confusion as she protests her opponent to the referee. BUFFER From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... she is a former OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION!! Prepare for SHOCK and awe from MMMOOOOOOORRRRRGGAAAAAAANN... NNEEEERRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!! Morgan stalks down the entrance ramp, casting her frightened and threatening glares at Krista. COLE Wow! This is either punishment from Sophie or Leon Rodez playing a cold calculated game and manipulating Morgan in his war against Krista. COACH Neither one would surprise me! Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out. I'm really not so with you anymore. I'm just a ghost, So I can't hurt you anymore, So I can't hurt you anymore. And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink? Let me go, fuck! So, you can, well now so, you can I'm so far away from you. Well now so, you can Morgan gets into the ring and stands on the first rope, while leaning over the second. She casts a quizzical glance at the audience, almost childlike in its odd innocence. Yes I copied that from AS, I’m sorry. DING DING DING Krista and Morgan circle each other after the bell, neither one removing their blue eyes away from the other. Morgan’s face reads empty and apathetic, while Krista’s tries its best to hide any sort of nervousness. Finally the two dangerous females come together for a lockup. The hold quickly evaporates though as Krista uses her size advantage to switch around Morgan into a rear waistlock. She attempts to lift the littlest Nerdly up for a German Suplex. But Morgan is a tad bit slippery and finds herself able to slide around Krista for a waistlock of her own. “Normally, you’d have to buy me dinner before grinding my ass into you. That or a Cheery Coke.” Against her sex charged judgment, Krista begins using her strength advantage to begin prying Morgan’s arms away from her body. This is a great success as she has little trouble gaining hold of Morgan’s left arm. “This is going to hurt me way more than its going to hurt me.” Krista slams Morgan’s arm down on her shoulder. “I thought you said that’d hurt you more than me.” Morgan wonders blankly. “FYI, my shoulder hurts to!” Krista complains. Krista pulls and tugs on Morgan’s arm, trying to increase the damage within her limbs. Morgan, however, fights through the pain and anguish to roll forward and kip up onto her platform heels. This counter stuns Krista, which weakens her grip and allows Morgan to gain control of Krista’s arm. Krista continues to be surprised as Morgan lowers her to the canvas, and plants her knee onto her shoulder. COLE So far Morgan is doing more than holding her own in this contest and Krista looks a tiny bit surprised. COACH When you’re used to running through dudes a hundred pounds heavier, being grounded by a 5’1 teenager can come as a shock. Krista is able to use her strength advantage once more to push herself and Morgan to her feet. She swings her knee into Morgan’s midsection, but the dangerous darling merely shrugs off the blow. “FIT with KID worked for me.” Morgan says matter of factly. Forced into a new strategy Krista swings her arm around Morgan’s neck into a headlock. But that hold results in Morgan stunning Krista with her strength and throwing her to the opposite ropes. The world champion comes roaring back and floors Morgan with a leaping heel kick. Krista stares at Morgan for several seconds, feeling a pang of guilt stabbing her. Pushing aside that emotion, she trots to the ropes. Returning, Morgan rolls onto her stomach to trip her up. But Krista leaps over her body and continues towards the ropes. When she comes back, Morgan leap frogs, forcing her into another run of the ropes. On her latest return, Morgan gets beneath her arm and arm drags her to the canavs. Krista mutters, “This is getting just a little annoying.’ Annoying becomes painful rather quickly with Morgan tightening Krista into an armbar. Krista groans in pain and frustration and tries to power her way out the hold. That is made monumentally difficult by Morgan pressing her hand down onto her shoulder blade. “Honey, if you let me go, I can promise you you’ll never hear anything out of Bosley besides his death rattle. I can kill innocents without consequences. My family is in the American government.” Tempting as that offer may well be, Morga keeps her hold as she hauls the fitness queen to her feet. She then throws her into a corner. After Krista smacks against the turnbuckles, Morgan follows her in with a blind charge. Krista counters this by lifting her elbow and slamming it into Morgan’s jaw. As the littlest Nerdly girl stumbles backwards, Krista scoots up to the second rope. “You’re getting a good ass shot right?” Krista wonders. CAMERA MAN Krista nods in satisfaction before flying forward with a cross body block. But Morgan rolls through as they tumble to the ground and ends up on top with a pin! ONE! TWO! Krista throws her shoulder off the canvas. There’s no time to catch her breath however as Morgan peppers her with stomps to her injured arm. Despite the pain that Morgan inflicts Krista is able to lift her way upright. Unfortunately the moment she returns to her 5’10, Morgan springs into the air and her platform heel strikes Krista in the arm with an enziguri! Krista topples over, hurt and confused by Morgan’s dominance thus far. COLE So far Morgan’s doing better against Krista than men four times her size have done. I don’t think Krista is the only one surprised by that. COACH Damn straight she ain’t, I’m blown away also. Morgan drapes Krista’s arm across the first rope, then stands atop the second rope. She jumps down trying to strike Krista’s arm, but the gorgeous champion yanks her arm away. This isn’t much of a problem for Morgan as the feisty teenager leaps backwards and drives her bare legs into Krista’s neck! COLE Its entirely possible that Krista didn’t come into this match taking her opponent seriously. COACH Krista never takes anyone seriously, I think what’s going on is that Morgan’s proving herself to be pretty damn good. Krista stands up on her own voliation and is instantly pounced on by the rapid fire forearms of her fore. Morgan dazes Krista with the succession of strikes and then backs into the ropes. She springs forward and takes to the sky, only to be struck down by the dropkicking heels of the blond bombshell. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” Krista nods to the approving crowd as she brings Morgan up by the back of her booty shorted romper. An irish whip is attempted but Morgan reverses it and sends Krista into the ropes. Morgan herself makes a late charge to the ropes, but this late attempt proves costly as Krista is able to spear Morgan right through the ropes. Morgan skids across the ring mats, before crashing into the steel barricade. Sore but not injured, she springs to her feet and looks worriedly at the audience. Security moves closer to her in order to prevent another violent outburst. COLE If Morgan wants in that six woman scramble match she has to be able to control herself, but I’m not so sure she’s able to do that. In the ring Krista charges to the cables, acting as though she were about to torpedo into Morgan. The Private Eye slides out the way, but it was only a feint as Krista stops short on the second ropes. While Morgan collects herself, Krista creates a rush for baby oil in the home viewers, by grinding herself into the ring ropes and purring in ecstascy. “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Well that’s a unique feint. Leaving the audience tantalized and wanting more, Krista quickly targets Morgan with a moonsault off the apron. Morgan again slides herself out the way, but Krista is thankfully able to make a course correction and land on her high heels. However, Morgan seizes her injured arm and attempts to whip it into the steel stairs. Fortunately Krista is able to reverse. Showing mercy, Krista lets Morgan avoid a collision with the steps and only throws her into the ring. COLE Krista showing an unusual bit of mercy there. COACH Krista’s….grumpy herself, so she might see some of her in Morgan. Krista slides into the ring and hooks Morgan’s leg for a fall… ONE! TWO! Morgan lifts her shoulder off the mat. Krista is quick to get back on the attack and pulls the cute Nerdly up to her feet. She strikes her with a European uppercut that staggers her back into the corner. Krista comments “If you had my boobs, you’d be able to deflect those shots and provide comfortable pillows to homeless Africans.” The Walk of famer then pulls Morgan away from the corner and goes for an irish whip. However, the tiny teenager reverses the hold and throws Krista into the ropes. Morgan strikes fast on Krista’s return, flourishing forward to take her down with a knee strike! Morgan then takes to nervously chewing on her silky blond hair. She continues to gnaw, as she goes for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista pops out of the pinfall! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan grabs onto Krista’s vibrant yellow hair and begins pulling her upright. She hooks her into a frontfacelock, however that hold meets with failure as Krista shoves her away. The world champion leaps onto the secod rope, hoping to springboard backwards. But Morgan makes a stunningly fast recovery and shoves the fitness beauty over the ropes. To the fans’ horror Krista takes a nasty tumble towards the outside, coming down bad shoulder first in a heap in front of the announce table. Morgan looks worried, perhaps somewhat concerned over the damage she may have caused. COLE Folks, we’ll have more HeldDOWN in just a few seconds! COMMERCIAL OAOAST Windy City Spectacular NOW ON DVD RETURN FROM COMMERCIAL Back from the commercial break, we find Morgan torturing Krista with an armbar. COLE So far Morgan’s impressive performance continues, getting more spectacular for by the minute. Buzzlefoxer gets into Krista’s face, offending her with his rancid breath as he asks for her submission. His foul odor almost causes her to submit, but she decides against it and refuses to tap out. Morgan tightens on her hold, glaring back blankly at her whimpering opponent. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The fitness queen begins fighting to her feet, spurred on by the cheering audience members. Morgan tries her hardest to keep Krista locked down, but the walk of famer powers out the hold. Now free, Krista charges into the ropes and rushes back with a lariat. But Morgan is already prepared for arrival and arm drags her over. Krista hits the canvas, groaning in pain from her beaten arm. Morgan stalks around the ring, muttering to herself and unable to control her shaking. COLE Morgan has been after that arm this whole match and its paid with results. Krista gets back to her feet under her own will power. But Morgan is right there to trap her arm in hopes of an arm ddt. But Krista counters by leaping into the air and wrapping her ten million dollar legs around Morgan’s neck to hurricanrana her to the canvas! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE A ten million dollar hurricanrana! Krista bounds off the ring ropes, coming back just as Morgan rises to take her down with a high flipping lariat. Morgan is quick to her feet, and fires off a left cross. But Krista ducks the hold and pops up behind Morgan to grab onto her smooth, porcelain ass cheeks! MORGAN “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan swings around to strike Krista off her BUTT, but the agile babe is too quick for Morgan and hauls her downwards with a side effect! COLE Morgan’s living Life In The Fab Lane. Krista takes off to the ropes opposite Morgan. She times her arrival to come back as Morgan sits up and nails her in the face with a running knee! As the fans cheer her flurry of attacks, Krista attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan pushes her way out the pinfall… COLE A very gritty display by Morgan here in Hartford! COACH How long can it last though? Krista pulls Morgan to her feet in a side headlock. She then kicks her legs backwards, hoping to use her sommersault neckbreaker. But Morgan twirls her way out the hold and grabs onto Krista’s much lusted after tush. KRISTA .... .... Much less pleasing is the arm stunner Morgan uses to further weaken her limb. The tiniest Nerdly girl returns to chewing on her hair, glancing nervously at the security guards that surround the ring. Suddenly Morgan’s face becomes stern with determination and she runs to the ropes. She springs onto the third cable and then rockets herself backwards with a lionsault! Krista slides out the way, but Morgan is barely able to come down on her platform pumps. She stumbles backwards, unfortunate as it allows Krista to trap her into a set up for a back suplex. Krista lifts her into the air, but then brings her forward driving her face down into the canvas. COACH That’s a move we ain’t see everyday from Krista. COLE That’s because Krista is usually fighting someone much heavier than she is. Like we said, she has the size advantage for once. Clutching her sore arm, Krista attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan manages to kickout, disappointing the audience. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Krista brings Morgan off the canvas and tries to irish whip her into the corner. But Morgan reverses the hold and fires Krista into the corner. She rushes after the world champion, but eats a thousand dollar pair of high heels for her trouble. Krista then rushes forward to attack Morgan, but the dangerous teenager grabs onto her well insured legs and drops her to the canvas. The fans shriek in horror and wonder as Morgan begins attempting to turn Krista over with a Liontamer! COLE Just like Leon Rodez! Morgan manages to turn Krista over, however that’s a minor victory as Krista easily reaches out to grab the ring ropes. COLE That could’ve been bad for Krista. COACH This whole match is bad for Krista. COLE I agree Morgan has been far from a walk in the park, and I'm not sure Krista knows what to make of her. She must feel sorry or sympathetic to Morgan because she's avoided her usual humiliating tactics. Morgan returns to muttering to herself as she hunches over and awaits Krista’s rise. When Miss California rises, Morgan rushes forward to hook her for a bulldog. But as they run along, Krista shoves Morgan forward and the tiny cutie slams into ring posts. She falls backwards, cursing her luck and the severe pain in her lean torso. Krista takes advantage of her weakness by leaping onto the third rope and falling onto Morgan with a split legged moonsault! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the OAOAST Marks sing as Krista makes her latest pinfall effort… ONE! TWO! Morgan gets her foot on the ropes. COLE Great tactic by the world champion and great ring presence by the former women’s champion. COACH Word, Josie is full of bunk if she don’t let Morgan in on the Scramble Match after this contest. You tellin' me after showing up like this against Krista she can't handle Melody Nerdly and her wack ass Mortal Kombat kung-fu craziness? The two women get to their feet at the same moment, and begin trading strikes. Morgan manages to take a surprising upperhand by winging a right boot into Krista’s injured arm. She backs Krista into the corner, and then takes aim at her midsection with shoulder thursts. Due to Krista’s well toned abs the blows barely do any damage and Morgan is forced to return to elbow strikes to subdue Krista. She whips Krista into a far corner. But as she chases down the world champion, Miss California skates up to the third rope and roars backwards with a corcksscrew moonsault press! The fans rejoice in the attack, as Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan throws her shoulder off the canvas. Both women move upright, but its Morgan drawing first blood with an enziguri to Krista’s arm. The blond beauty tumbles over, besieged by pain in her arm. COLE Morgan going back to that enziguri to the arm. Morgan hooks Krista’s legs for another pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Krista pushes herself out the pin, giving the Marks numerous reasons to cheer. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Morgan pulls Krista back to her feet and attempts to whip her into the ropes. But Krista refuses to come back, hooking her hand around the top rope. She lures Morgan in and then strikes her with a whirling round house kick. The blow stuns Morgan but does not floor her. Krista solves that problem by leaping onto the third rope and bowling over Morgan with a leaping enziguri! Krista then gets jiggly wiggly with her luscious bottom, and the audience gets a strange and wonderful feeling in their lower regions. "Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone, dead and gone..." COLE What the? Suddenly Leon Rodez appears on screen, wearing a typical scowl. LEON Hi Krista. How are you, its me Leon with some helpful advice. Turn around. Krista turns around only to be taken onto Morgan’s shoulders for a standing fireman’s carry. “OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Could it be? Could it be an upset? Its an upset, but not of that kind, rather its an upset of rage as Leon Rodez appears to strike Krista with a copy of her best selling hardcover fitness guide! Krista falls off Morgan’s body, sinking into the canvas to clutch her wounded head. Buzzlefoxer has no other choice but to call for the bell. BUFFER Your winner as a result of a disqualifaction….KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Morgan hangs back in the corner, her empty face soaking in the sight of Leon laying stomps into the woman she almost defeated. She seems confused, perhaps unable to ascertain why Leon costs her a possible victory. However, she makes no movement and continues watching Leon hammer away at Krista. COLE This is unbelievable! What kind of monster is Leon Rodez? Another after match attack on Krista! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Leon ceases the stomping, only doing so to get hold of Krista’s legs. Frowning towards the angry audience, he turns Krista over into his trademark Liontamer! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE No! Not this! Not this! Referees and officials, and wrestlers such as D*LUX and the Christ Air Express immediately hit the ring to save Krista. Yet it’d take all the man power in the world to pry Leon Rodez away from the joy of tormenting Krista. Thus we fade out on the sadistic number one contender tormenting the champion. FADE OUT