Patty O'Green

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We swing into the OAOAST arena COLE Ladies and gentlemen HeldDOWN is live and on the air from Hartford! I'm Michael Cole sitting alongside Johnathan The Coach Coachman for another explosive episode of TV's top rated sports entertainment program! HEY! WAIT! I GOT NEW COMPLAINT! Hard 90’s grunge is welcome to ears but Logan Mann appearing beside his beloved wife Holly is not a sight for sore eyes. Wearing leather pants with a glittering rose down the side and an equally gaudy sword down the other, Logan bangs his head to the rockin tune. In a red bikini top and a plaid skirt, Holly merely frowns at the booing audience. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes Now making his way to the ring accompanied by The Angel of Death Holly, he weighed in at 217 pounds, from Sin City, Nevada, he is….THE MACHO MACHO MANN….LOGAAAAAN MAAAAAAAAN COLE Not a love shown for Logan Man who continues the rivalry with D*LUX here tonight in Hartford. The Rockers have the win between the two teams, but bad blood still remains. Multi color spotlights flash about the ring, as Logan stands on the apron taunting the Hartford OAOAST Marks. Cue: “Makes Me Wonder” Women across the stadium get to their feet and scream as loud as they can for Tyler Bryant who bounds onto stage. The handsome superstar works the audience into further frenzy by removing his denim jacket and showing off his sexy stomach. Behind him the managerial duo of Jade and Maya wave pom-poms to celebrate their client. BUFFER And the opponent! From the state of Michigan he is accompanied by Jade Rodez-Duncan and Maya Duncan-Blanchard, he weighed in at 196 pounds, he is TREMENDOUS TYLER BRYANT! Heading down the ramp proves dangerous for Tyler who has every female in the front row reaching and grabbing for him. He finally slides into the ring, and kips to his feet to a huge ovation from the fans. COLE Well, we’re joined by Maya Duncan-Blanchard who as we recently found out was the only 9th grade girl to make Varsity Field Hockey at her school. MAYA And I didn’t have to break anyone’s kneecaps to do it! DING DING DING Forgoing any sportsmanship, the two rivals begin launching furious punches against each other. As Tyler gets the upper hand, a frustrated Logan ends the fight by punting the boybander in the pork and beans. MAYA You can’t appreciate how much that hurts until you’ve taken sex-ed. On the outside Jade derides Logan’s tactics, while Holly roots him on and begs for more. Mann treats his wife to more violence by whipping Bryant into the corner posts and following it up with a lariat. As his foe stumbles out the corner Mann makes a run of the ropes. MAYA (shouting) Atomic drop! Atomic drop it is as Bryant catches Logan and drops him onto his raised knee. MAYA I’m a genius. Tyler scoops his wounded foe onto his shoulder seeking a samoan drop. However, Mann regains his strength and manages to fall out the hold. Coming behind Tyler, he batters his foe with hard punches to the back of the head. COLE In MMA that’s illegal but unfortunately the OAOAST has no rules against those type of strikes. Logan shoves Tyler into the corner, and smirking to himself proceeds to tag Tyler with his WICKED left hands. Bryant wilts bellow the blows, allowing Loga to move onto more dangerous strikes such as shoulder strikes to Tyler’s lean midsection. Once done with those attacks, Mann snapmares his rival to the canvas. He then scoots up to the second rope, where he angers the audience with a bit of headbanging. Done with that he leaps off the ropes and drives his boots into Tyler’s back! A pinfall is the made…. ONE! TWO! Tyler kicks out! “WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER!” the Marks chant with Jade leading them on. Logan and Holly both bark the audience as Mann brings Bryant to his feet. He then throws Bryant into the ropes. MAYA Cross body block! Tyler uses just that trick and successfully crashes into Logan. MAYA What can I say? When you can read at a grad student level like me its easy to outsmart most wrestlers who are illiterate and partially retarded! As Mann attempts to stumble to his feet, Bryant rushes to the ropes. But his black boot is grabbed by Holly! Bryant complains to her about her behavior, but gets a gruff “Fuck Off” back in return. COACH Its great to have Holly back, she's the type of gal we need more of in sports entertainment. So refreshing and honest. MAYA YOU LIE! Holly’s distraction gives Mann the time he needs to recover and start beating away at Bryant with those powerful left hands. After his punches push Bryant to the corner he grabs onto the back of Tyler’s head and slams his face repeatedly into the ring posts. Letting Tyler go, the hunky boybander staggers down the ropes. This is to his determent as Mann chokes him on the ring ropes. “BOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss, while Jade paces nervously on the outside. “ROCK N ROLL NEVER DIES!” Logan shouts out to the crowd, continuing to choke Bryant on the ring ropes. Eventually he’s forced to relent his cheap tactics, and thus he captures Tyler in set up for a back suplex. Lifting Tyler into the air, he prepares to drop him backwards, but Bryant flips out the move and earns a great cheer from the fans. But their joy doesn’t last very long as Logan whirls around to smash his left hand into his throat. “LEMME HEAR THE MUSIC, HARTFORD!” Logan shouts sarcastically. “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” Logan nods in appreciation towards the hateful crowd as he wraps Tyler into a front facelock. A finger twirl of doom further ruins the crowd’s mood. The Percussion DDT he strikes Tyler with doesn’t help matters either. COLE That’s not good! MAYA No, wearing your shirt inside out on the first day of school is “not good”, this is horrible! Logan hooks Tyler’s left leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Jade puts Tyler’s foot on the ropes. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MAYA She’ll call in 3 separate house keepers to pour her a glass of Ice Tea, but she moves like the wind to break up a pinfall! Holly and Jade exchange words, with the always vulgar Holly doing most of the talking. COLE These two get a chance to meet at Zero Hour as part of the six woman scramble match. Maya, you have to like your sister’s chances for winning. MAYA Nah, not really. Logan brings Tyler back to his feet, where he tags him with left jabs. He then hooks onto the side of his head and begins twisting it around to begin a neck breaker. But Tyler stuns Logan by springing to life and rolling him into a small package… “YEAAAAAAA!” ONE! TWO! Logan immediately pops out the pin and springs to his feet with fire burning across his face. He attacks the handsome superstar with powerful left handed punches, and is met with sharp blows in return. Having enough of being pounded by The Tremedous one, Mann shoves him away into the ropes. Tyler returns fire with a yakuza kick. But the MACHO macho Mann slides out the way, causing Tyler to stumble after a frustrating miss. The rock n wrestling legend is able to breathe a sigh of relief, and then whips Tyler back into the ropes. This time Holly appears on the ring apron, cussing out the cute performer. Having heard enough of Holly’s foul mouth, Jade yanks her off the ring apron and spears her to the ground! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MAYA Way to go, Jade! Ewww did I actually say something nice about her? Mann makes the mistake of being more concerned with the cat fight than his foe in the ring. This is problematic as Tyler yakuza kicks him over the ropes! “YEAAAAAAA” a mighty roar comes from the delighted audience who watch the rock n wrestling legend tumble onto the ring apron. Tyler continues his attack by grabbing onto the back of his neck and hauling him upright. He hooks him into a front facelock and then lifts him into the air for a vertical suplex. But Mann’s experience buys him an escape as he shimmies down Tyler’s back out the hold. He then rolls up Tyler in a school boy with a hook of the tights. ONE! TWO! Tyler kicks out! COACH Logan needs to hit that Percussion and put this fool away for the night. MAYA And someone needs to put your microphone away for THE REST OF ETERNITY! I always wondered why dad says ESPN is borderline unwatchable, and I’m sitting next to the reason why. COLE Sonned! Tyler and Logan hop to their feet where Logan fires a wild left hand at his foe. Tyler slides out the way and as Logan stumbles from his miss, the Tremendously handsome performer takes his foe onto his shoulders. The fans go wild in antcipation for the forthcoming finisher. COLE Idolizer coming up! But once again Logan manages an escape, by sliding down Tyler’s backwards and hooking him into a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Tyler rolls out and both men spring to their feet at the same moment. Seeing red Tyler charges forward only to be kneed in the grits and gravy by his unscrupulous foe. MAYA Hey, ref, are you blind? CLEM Yes, Krista, I am. MAYA On the embarrassing scale, this ranks about a solid 7! Logan twirls his finger towards the disdainful crowd, and then falls backwards with the lethal Percussion DDT! A pinfall is then made, which Buzzlefoxer counts… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING MAYA Awwwww man! Logan exits the ring, forgoing his usual celebration with Holly in order to berate Jade for her failings as a manager. BUFFER Your winner- Buffer’s announcement is cut short by the shock and surprise of Tyler leaping over the ropes and flattening Logan with a lariat! The fans offer huge cheers for Tyler unexpected attack, and the cute boybander fires both himself and them up. COLE Oh my! Tyler Bryant letting Logan Mann know exactly what he thinks of him! MAYA And he doesn't think too highly! “WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER!” the fans chant as we cut to....

Inside the ring are two PLATFORMS setup for the Last Kings of Scotland/Orange County Cobras joust. BUFFER OAOAST Marks, the following special attraction event is THE JOUST! The rules are simple: best 2/3 with both teams competing individually. In the event a third joust is needed, the winners of the previous two bouts will do battle. The only way to win is by knocking your opponent off their platform. Now let’s meet the participants! “Protect Your Mind (2009)” by DJ Sakin & Friends cues and Queen Esther leads the Last Kings ringside, the pugil sticks in their possession. BUFFER First, accompanied by QUEEN ESTHER… Europe’s finest athletes, at a total combine weight of 430 pounds… SCOTTISH SCOTT and DANNY BOY… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Last Kings bash each other with the pugil sticks to psyche themselves up. COLE I told you those guys are nuts. Look at them! COACH I see two warriors with hearts of gold, like when they helped Theodore Moneymaker a few weeks ago. COLE More like did his dirty work. But it was Simon and Ned who got the last laugh at Angleslam. They took care of Theodore Moneymaker that night and tonight they’ll take care of the Last Kings of Scotland. “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and the crowd ERUPTS. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY… from Orange County, California, total combine weight 460 pounds, the 2009 Anderson Cup champions… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The O.C. Cobras want to the ring with a purpose. Whether it’s a wrestling match or joust, they just want to get their hands on the Last Kings of Scotland. COLE A tremendous ovation for Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. COACH Not surprising since there isn’t much to cheer about living in Hartford. Before the joust begins Simon has the referee inspect both pugil sticks to ensure they haven’t been tampered, and then he and Scottish Scott take their positions. And so do THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB in the front row. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" They even brought their own food as Lucius grabs a couple of sodas and Slim Jim’s out of a TRASH BAG for him and Rico. COLE I don’t understand this at all. COACH What’s there to understand about two guys in the front row? They’re just trying to enjoy the show. Molly lets the MGHFC know she’s got her eyes on them, to which they respond in a vulgar matter unsuitable for print! REFEREE Contenders, ready? Simon nods. SCOTTISH SCOTT I’m a gladiator! REFEREE Gladiator, ready? Scott nods. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and the joust is ON. Scott and Simon both aim high with neither giving an inch, until Scott connects with 1-2 punch that knocks Simon off the platform. COACH MOLLY Simon shakes his head in disgust. SCOTTISH SCOTT (clubs chest) VICTORY~! Queen Esther and Danny congratulate Scott as the official announcement is made. BUFFER The winner: SCOTTISH SCOTT! Last Kings of Scotland lead the series 1-0. Well now go to match #2. Ned and Danny go up on the platform. REFEREE Contender, ready? Ned nods. REFEREE Gladiator, ready? Danny nods. * DINGDINGDING * A quick draw, Ned knocks Danny off following a series of body shots/blows to the head! LUCIUS/RICO COLE Who’s laughing now, Coach? COACH Aw, shut up! Molly and Simon celebrate with Ned while Danny pouts in the corner. BUFFER The winner: NED BLANCHARD! The series is tied at 1 apiece. We now enter the third and final joust. Scott joins Ned on the platform and they wait for the signal. REFEREE Contender, ready? Ned nods. REFEREE Gladiator, ready? Scott nods, then drops his pugil stick which rolls outside near the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. COLE Scott lost his pugil stick. Is that a forfeit? COACH Can’t be. The bell never rang. Lucius switches Scott’s pugil stick with another one he had in the trash bag, unbeknownst to the O.C. Cobras and Molly. COLE Hey, wait a minute. Did you see that? They switched pugil sticks! COACH How can you tell from our vantage point? COLE We broadcast in HD! Danny hands Scott the new pugil stick as the MGHFC get a jump on traffic. COLE Where are they going? REFEREE Contender, ready? Ned nods. REFEREE Gladiator, ready? Scott nods. * DINGDINGDING * Like he did against Danny, Ned gets off to a fast start, with Scott willingly taking the hits. COACH I don’t understand this strategy. COLE Neither do I. Everything becomes clear when Scott takes Ned down with ONE SHOT. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winner: SCOTTISH SCOTT! Last Kings of Scotland wins the joust 2-1. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Simon jumps in the ring to check on Ned, who is now a BLOODY MESS. COLE What did Scottish Scott hit Ned with to cause that kind of damage? COACH Ned probably smacked his head hard on the way down. COLE No way. There has to be another reason. And that reason turns out to be the pugil stick was really a SPIKED CLUB in disguise. COACH Now we know. How clever! COLE How despicable is more like it. They ought to be ashamed. Scott knocks Simon out cold with the handle of the club, then he and Scott perform not one…but two DOUBLE TOP ROPE LEGDROPS! COACH Highland Farewell! OAOAST officials rush the ring before the Last Kings can get their hands on Molly. SCOTTISH SCOTT (into the camera) Now a crime has been committed. COLE So I guess the Last Kings are eager to face Simon and Ned in the ring after doing a number on them. Go figure. We need to take a break or something. COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by Morgan Nerdly for...VOTING! What's that you say? No election? One year ago? Wrestling is always 1 or 2 years behind pop culture anyway. COACH Awwwwww, how can you call someone so sweet and little the tiny terror of Edmonton? You, Cole, are a monster and a degenerate of the first order! COLE Folks, due to technical difficulties, we were unable to air the main event matchup between Reject and Tha Puerto Rican at AngleSlam. However, we promised earlier in the week that we would air the closing moments of that match on this week's HeldDOWN~! So coming up next, you will see the exciting culmination between Reject and Tha Puerto Rican at AngleSlam! ******************************************************* The match picks up as Reject and PRL are both laid out on the mat. The referee counts... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! PRL sits up, and the crowd cheers. He gets to his feet, as does Reject, who throws a right hand, which is blocked by PRL, who returns fire! PRL continues firing off rights, then whips Reject into the ropes, and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! PRL follows up with European uppercuts, then a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject goes to the eyes, then steps back, and goes for a spinkick...which PRL ducks, then catches him with a LATIN SLAM~! COLE PRL with the Latin slam! 1... 2... NO! Reject gets the shoulder up! PRL picks up Reject, and sets him up in the corner, then attempts a bulldog...but Reject shoves him off, right into the referee! COLE Uh-oh, referee goes down! Reject stops briefly to gain his composure, then stomps away at PRL. He picks him up, and executes a fisherman's buster! He stares at the referee for a second, who is still out, then waits for PRL to get to his feet. He sets up for the EULOGY~!!!!!11111...but PRL counters, into the LIGHTNING STRIKE~! COLE Great counter by PRL, but there's still no referee! PRL crawls over and drapes an arm over Reject, at which point Arturas steps over the top rope. COLE Wait a minute! Arturas, the bear-man, is in the ring! Arturas picks up PRL, and lifts him in a suplex, then lets him drop, catching him and drilling him with a spinebuster! COLE Don't let this match end this way! Reject crawls over and drapes an arm over PRL, as the referee crawls over and makes the count... 1... 2... NO!!! PRL gets the shoulder up, as the crowd erupts! COLE But no! PRL still with that fight left! Reject gets to his feet angrily, and waits for PRL to get up once again. COLE Well, PRL escaped that, but you've got to think that the Eulogy will be enough to close the deal for Reject now! Reject continues to wait, as the crowd cheers on a commotion in the aisle. COLE Here comes the Teal Tiger! Reject cuts Tiger off at the pass, however, stomping away at him, then planting him with a DDT! COLE But Reject cuts him off at the pass! Reject then motions to the crowd that he's going for the mask, and begins to remove it...until the crowd cheers even louder, when they see ALFDOGG sauntering down the aisle! COLE Wait a minute! Reject also spots Alf, doing a double-take, looking back down at Tiger, then back at Alf. COLE Alfdogg is here! Reject then turns his attention to Alf, shouting insults at him from inside the ring. Alf stops when he gets to the front of the aisle, and the two jaw at each other. Reject steps off the ropes...long enough for Tiger to drill him with a PELE KICK~! COLE Wait a minute! That kick! Reject staggers backwards, right into the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111 from the revived PRL! Cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE He got him! A triumphant return for Tha Puerto Rican! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the winner of the match...THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Alf walks back down the aisle, not acknowledging PRL and Tiger as they celebrate in the ring, with Tiger flashing the Badd Boyz hand signal. Then the match cuts out abruptly, as Coach begins a rant. ******************************************************* COACH An absolute travesty, Cole! It took three men to pin Reject at AngleSlam, PRL, his little buddy under a mask, and Alfdogg! What was Alf even doing there? He's retired! COLE He's only retired from wrestling in the OAOAST! He can still show up to the events if he wants to! COACH Well, guess what, the Deadly Alliance isn't going to take this lying down! Those guys will be back for you, PRL, Heat, and especially you, Alf, if you decide to stick your nose in their business again! In the expensive surroundings of The Enterprise's locker room, we seem to have stumbled upon a business meeting, as Lorelei DeCenzo is in serious talks with Theodore Moneymaker. Christian Wright sits in the background, crunching the numbers. Seriously, he's doing paperwork. What else do you think he, as a wrestler, is paid to do? LORELEI If you do this, then we can get this damn problem out of our hair for good. MONEYMAKER Fine. You tell me how much you need to make this happen and it's yours. LORELEI Money no object? MONEYMAKER (chuckles) Look who you're talking to. Christian! Standing from his desk (yes, he even has a desk! Great contracts.) Christian walks over. MONEYMAKER See that Lorelei gets the cut she needs. LORELEI Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I know my way around the accounts by now. Leave it to me. I'll get what I need. MONEYMAKER Very well. Just make sure it gets done, becau... Sensing the presence of someone else in the room, the conversation stops. The three needn't be worried about someone listening to their plans. But they are surprised to see Leon Rodez, skulking in to the room. He walks up, disgust on his face and not making any attempt to hide it. And to be fair, he gets disgust right back. MONEYMAKER Well well, what do we have here? LEON Can I have a minute? Confused looks all around. MONEYMAKER Why would we want to hear anything you have to say, Rodez? Unless it's a grovelling apology for all the problems you've caused us over the years, in which case we're all ears. LEON I've got a... The words stick in Leon's throat and he stops. LEON ...business proposal. LORELEI No. You know what, before you say anything, I've got a bone to pick with you. What the hell do you think you're doing stealing away Morgan, that girl belongs with me and you've got inside her head, who the hell do you thi... Lorelei is silence by a hand from Moneymaker, who seems intrigued with this 'proposal'. MONEYMAKER Thank you Lorelei. You're free to go. Realising where her income's coming from, Lorelei reluctantly bites her tongue and leaves. Leon scowls over his shoulder waiting for her to leave, before turning back to Moneymaker and Wright. MONEYMAKER This ought to be interesting. LEON Let's get one thing straight first of all. I'm not here to grovel. Infact, I still despise the ground you two walk on and even standing so close to you is making me sick to the pit of my stomach, let alone grovelling on it. But there's somebody who sickens me even more and I know she does the same to you too. And who can blame you? Just think of all your money, all your power. You should be running this company by now, with the way this twisted world runs on greed and rewards the heartless. And yet you're not. And it's all one person's fault. (turns to Christian) Then there's you. And to think, I thought she'd robbed me of my dignity and self-respect. You really are pathetic. Now appreciating that suggestion, Christian makes a move towards his old enemy, but Moneymaker sticks his arm out in front of Christian and blocks him off. LEON No need to be offended. It takes a wreck to know a wreck. Do you think one person in this arena would care if you lived or died? If it were somebody who mattered, sure, maybe a couple of them would shed a tear, before moving on with their lives and realising we don't really matter to them. But you wouldn't even get that. If she'd tied you up and thrown you off a cliff, they'd be wondering where the slide-whistle sound effect was to accompany it. Because she's turned you into a joke. You're not a wrestler. You're not even a man. You're a punchline! MONEYMAKER Is there a point to this!? LEON Aside from the fact that sometimes, bad things do happen to bad people as well? Yeah, there is a point. For everything she's robbed from you and every shred of dignity she's taken from him, she has broken me. And I'm not going to rest until I've broken her. Mind. Body. And soul. Rubbing his chin, Moneymaker slowly begins to smile. MONEYMAKER Maybe you and I aren't so different after all, Rodez. LEON Oh, we are. Trust me. Except on this one thing. And that's the only reason I'm giving you so much as a second thought. Because you're an evil, rotten, black-hearted son of a bitch... and that's the kind of person I need as a lumberjack at Zero Hour. Not sure whether to be flattered or insulted, Moneymaker glances at Wright. He still seems ready to tear into Leon. But realising what a nerve has been hit, Moneymaker turns back around and shakes Leon's hand. MONEYMAKER You've got yourself a deal. As soon as the handshake is done Leon can bear no more and pulls away, one last scowl at Wright before he leaves the room. Wright is still seething, and unsure as to why Moneymaker is suddenly starting to chuckle under his breath. COLE Wow. This lumberjack match is already creating some unholy alliances TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS ???? TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! "Womanizer" by Britney Spears pumps through the arena, as Mister Dick pumps through the entrance. Sneering at the capacity crowd, Mr Dick flicks back his growing blond locks and gives the crowd a good look at his glistening abdominals. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas... weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds. He is accompanied to the ring by MALAYSIA and represents THE DEADLY ALLIANCE... "THE HUMAN HARD ON"... MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The Phallic Phenom slides into the ring, guided by a gallon of baby oil. He goes to work on the ring canvas before getting to all fours, at which point Malaysia MOUNTS her man. COLE Mister Dick, no doubt about it, one of the best put together athletes in the OAOAST. But despite all that, it was near embarrassment at AngleSlam when he almost lost the Arm Wrestling Challenge to Biff Atlas. As the video recap ends, Biff Atlas is already halfway down to the ring, with no music to accompany him. The perils of being in gimmick limbo! The sounds of cheers make up somewhat for the music though as Biff marches confidently down the aisle. BUFFER And his opponent, from Venice Beach, California... weighing two hundred, twenty two pounds... BBIIIIIIIFFFFFFF... AAAATTLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!! COACH So, lemme get this straight. Homeboy lives in fear, car drives past him, thinks he's got super-powers. Wins a match by accident, thinks he's got super-strength. Can't win an arm-wrestling contest, gets kicked over the top by the face, lands on his feet, thinks he can fly. Who the hell is in charge of employing these people!? Do we not have an IQ test at any point in the process? And if not, can we please start!? Biff climbs the ring steps and stands on the middle rope outside, looking out at the crowd. His eyes then gaze down at the arena floor. Biff starts to get a little fidgety and his right leg begins to hover, thinking of climbing to the top... but Mister Dick walks over and he quickly gets down. The referee moves Mr Dick back, yelling at Biff. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE So we've had the Arm Wrestling Challenge, now it's one on one. Waving Biff towards him, Mister Dick jaws away, no loss of confidence. Getting up in Biff's face he gives him a shove. Biff lowers his head and starts shaking. Mister Dick gives him another shove and yells at Biff to "FLY AWAY", not realising that he's making Biff angry. After another shove, Mr. Dick just turns his back and mocks the crowd for cheering such a pathetic loser. But when he turns around, Biff hits the ropes and FLIES!!! with a crossbody block! COLE OH MY! 1... 2... Kickout! Scrambling to his feet, Mr Dick cuts an amazed Biff off with a boot to the gut and starts clubbing away at the back. COLE I can't believe it, he really flew! COACH Yeah, THREE FEET off the ground! Someone call Mulder and Scully. Wild lefts and rights work Biff down to a knee, Mr Dick furious at being shown up and swiping at the air. Picking Biff up, he whips him to the ropes. Biff manages to duck a clothesline and wide-eyed, he FLIES!!! again... and gets caught. COACH Man, I think my Grampa could have jumped higher than that. With disdain, Mr Dick executes a bodyslam on Biff. Flicking his hair gives Mr Dick a little more happiness and he slowly picks Biff back up, to deliver a second bodyslam. "WHO'S GOT THE POWER NOW?" he asks, as he drops down and starts doing push-ups, making kissy-faces at Malaysia. COACH Imagine being underneath that. Just imagine. Like being trapped underneath an earthquake simulator. Mr Dick picks Biff up one more time and goes for a slow, deliberate bodyslam. But Biff slips out the back! Cursing, Mr Dick turns around and eats a right hand! A second! And a third! And with MD dazed, Biff rushes for the turnbuckles. Which confuses everybody, because Biff only makes it to the second rope outside before Mr Dick recovers and yanks him back in over the top. Biff is right back up though, hitting another series of punches. Again he heads for the top rope once The Cocky Prick is dazed. And again, he's dragged back in over the top before he can take flight. COACH You'd think if he could fly, he wouldn't need the top rope. COLE Well I don't think Biff is high on logic. COACH He's high on something. Gotta be. Getting frustrated with his opponent, Mr Dick aims with a clothesline, but Biff ducks. Biff then dishes out a right hand. And a left. Then another right, before dropping Mr Dick with a clothesline! Getting the crowd behind him, Biff then exits the ring again and heads to the top. COLE Biff very drawn by that top rope tonight. This time Biff makes it to the top and the crowd cheer just that, a true mark of what amounts to a success in Biff's career. Once he's on the top though, it takes Biff a second to get his balance. And before he can prove his powers of flight, Mr Dick shoves the referee out of his way and runs at Biff, using his Stiff Kick to knock Biff's foot out and CROTCH him on the top rope!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr Dick gets a warning from the referee about putting his hands on him, which he of course ignores. Hooking Biff up, he lifts him off the turnbuckles, carrying him to mid-ring with a delayed vertical suplex. Floats over into a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Mr Dick gets into it with the referee again and backs him into a corner, threatening all kinds of unsavoury acts. That allows Biff to fight back to his feet, the fans still shockingly behind him as he powers up. COLE Mister Dick is taking his eye off the ball here. After fully cussing out the referee, Mister Dick turns around to find Biff up and waiting, taking MD up onto his shoulders! Mister Dick manages to slip down the back though and club Biff in the back. Biff falls against the ropes and is lined up by Mister Dick, charging in with another Stiff Kick... but Biff ducks and MISTER DICK GETS CROTCHED ON THE TOP ROPE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And that evens things up quite nicely! COACH No it doesn't. Mister Dick has FAR more surface area to be injured in that situation! Falling off the ropes to the outside, Mr Dick hunches over in pain. Biff sees his opportunity and yet again, starts to climb the ropes. But after about halfway, he climbs back down and leaves the ring. COACH I guess he saw sense, finally. Biff walks up behind Mr Dick, grabbing him by the hair and throwing him into the announce table. The Cocky Prick is then dumped onto the table by Biff, who rolls back inside and now decides to head to the top! COLE Wait... wait a minute. What the HELL is Biff doing!? COACH I dunno but he's gonna kill himself if he tries! COLE Come on Biff, don't do this! The referee tries to talk Biff out of what is at least a ten foot leap, from about as high up. Biff makes the mistake of turning to the crowd for advice though and of course they cheer, giving Biff the impression they believe in him, when really they just wanna see something cool like somebody's body exploding like a watermelon. COLE If Biff tries this, he has offically lost his mind! COACH I'm calling late slip on that. Biff reaches the top rope and looks out at Mr Dick... way out at Mr Dick. After some second thoughts, he then stands and prepares to fly! Malaysia finally realises Biff isn't playing around and runs over into Biff's path, trying to protect her man. But Biff doesn't care and getting his footing, he sets... and LEAPS... ...AND FALLS ABOUT SIX FEET SHORT, ONLY SAVED FROM CERTAIN DOOM BY LANDING ON MALAYSIA!!!! "......BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh... well... we knew it was ill-advised. COACH Damn. I mean... I knew he was gonna miss, but... I didn't think he'd miss that bad. Picking himself up, Biff looks around wondering what happened to his powers of flight to have... not flown. And in his distracted state, he gets blindsighted by Mister Dick, who wipes him out with a clothesline from behind. Looking up into the ring, Mr Dick sees the referee counting and quickly dives in, managing to beat the count just before 9. Biff isn't so lucky and the ref calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match as a result of a count-out... MISTER DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Human Hard On sticks around just long enough to have his hand raised in victory, before snatching it away and going to check on Malaysia. She insists she's okay and actually seems to be enjoying what pain she might be in. But it's enough for Mister Dick to go back over and put the boots to Biff some more. COLE And now, Mister Dick's may have the win, but he doesn't seem to be done with Biff just yet. Clubbing away at Biff, Mister Dick drags him up off the ringside mats. He gives him a couple more right hands, before aiming him towards the barricades. A camera man quickly gets out of harm's way, as Biff is whipped right towards him... ...BUT BIFF MANAGES TO 'JUMP' OVER THE RAIL AND LAND SAFELY ON THE OTHER SIDE!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Hey! Biff saved himself! Mister Dick's eyes bug out and so do Biff's, his flying powers apparantly restored! The Human Hard On rushes after Biff and goes to grab him, but Biff high-tails it and runs through the crowd, proclaiming his superpowers, leaving Mister Dick freaking out at ringside!! COLE Biff Atlas with another miracle escape! I don't know if I'd go so far as to claim he has superpowers, but one thing's for sure, his luck has done a complete 180! COACH That's the keyword alright, luck! He's lucky he didn't land right on his dome trying to put Mister Dick through our table and he's lucky he can still walk because he's running away! We fade out with an image of Biff continuing to run away. ZERO HOUR: GAME OVER SEPTEMBER 27 PITTSBURGH, PA COMMERCIAL

Backstage, where Queen Esther paces frantically. Also on hand, the Last Kings of Scotland and OAOAST correspondent Terry Taylor. QUEEN ESTHER (to Last Kings) Where can they be? It isn’t like them to be late. *gasp* You don’t suppose… TAYLOR Pardon the interruption, Your Majesty, but after everything that’s gone down recently involving the Last Kings of Scotland and Orange County Cobras, which all started when the Last Kings executed Theodore Moneymaker‘s hit… SCOTTISH SCOTT/DANNY BOY QUEEN ESTHER How dare you accuse these fine gentlemen of being cold-blooded hitmen. They merely helped a citizen in need! TAYLOR Simon and Ned beg to differ. That’s why they asked and have received a match here tonight against the Last Kings of Scotland. QUEEN ESTHER Must everything today be settled by violence? * crowd roars * QUEEN ESTHER (gasps, looks up) Oh, how awful! TAYLOR I take it you don’t agree with OAOAST President Josie Baker’s decision to grant their request. QUEEN ESTHER Of course not! My men have done nothing to warrant being put in a match against two dangerous creatures. TAYLOR You mean the Orange County Cobras? QUEEN ESTHER Yes! Cobras are poisonous, you know? LUCIUS SOUL (Off-screen) And what’s one way to kill a snake? Esther’s face lights up as THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB walk onto the interview set with PUGIL STICKS. RICO DE JANEIRO You club it to death! The sticks are tossed to Scott and Danny who tee off on each other. QUEEN ESTHER Oh, joy, joy, joy! You’re alive and well! I’ve read how dangerous the world is outside the magic kingdom. RICO Queen E, ain’t nobody -- and I mean nobody -- know the streets better than the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club, even in a dump like Hartford, Connecticut. We had to crack a few heads along the way… LUCIUS And tap a little ass! *laughs* RICO Hey, what can we say? The chicks dig us, mang. But to finish my point, your knights brought the shining armor like promised TAYLOR For what exactly? SCOTTISH SCOTT Always up for a good fight the Last Kings are, but this match signed tonight is no good fight, mate. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime because no crime was committed! However, if those dumb blonds are still hell-bent on facing us, then let’s do it like the gladiators of old: let’s JOUST. DANNY Aye. Let’s see who the real tough guys are. RICO Hey, Sweet Lou, you hear that, mang? The Rooster made some crack about his cock and the Last Kings moms. SCOTTISH SCOTT/DANNY BOY TAYLOR I did not! The Last Kings raise their sticks. TAYLOR Uh-oh. I’m outta here! Terry flees as the Last Kings give chase. In footage from earlier in the today, at the rear of the arena, a sullen Leon Rodez is seen entering with Morgan Nerdly following dutily behind him. Back into the ringside area "Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits. Red and blue lights splash across the stage as Baron Windels marches out and points to either side of himself, as MARV and MEL rush out, The Christ Air Express, hitting their leaping double high-five. The CAE's orange and blue ascending pyro rockets combine with Baron's orange descending one (thankfully aimed away from the guys on the stage) and all is right with the world. Melody Nerdly jogs out to join her team, followed out by a waving Tim Cash BUFFER The following eight man tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first. At a total combined weight of eight hundred and fifty five pounds. They are accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY. First, the team of TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS, they are CITIZEN SOLDIERS... and their partners, MARV and MEL, THE CHRIST AAAIIIIIIRRR... EEEXXXPPRRREEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The CAE hit the ring first and climb the turnbuckles to play to the crowd. Baron and Cash make a calmer walk to the ring, the kind Tim holding the ropes open for Melody. COLE What a fine selection of OAOAST talent! COACH Aka, buncha whitebread nice guys you like. As the foursome exchange high-fives and, in the case of Cash, handshakes, boos begin to filter through the crowd. Not for the whitebread good guys, but for the equally white LANDON MADDIX, appearing on the stage with a microphone and his SWF OAOAST 6-Man ICTV title belt over his shoulder. MADDIX Guys. Good to see you out here. Now, I know a couple of weeks ago, you won your match with the Queen's team and I made it pretty clear on commentary that I was looking for some 8-man tag challengers out of that match. And I know that weeks before that, I stated to the world that Cucaracha Internacional would take on any challenge, from any eight man team, to prove that we are infact the best unit in the entire OAOAST. But, here's the thing. I went to go back and watch over your match, because even though you won, I remember thinking during the match, you weren't so much a four man team, as two two man teams together. And that's the kind of thing I notice as leader of the 8-Man Tag Team Champions. It bugged me. Thing is, my lousy DVR didn't record the show that week. Thank you, Best Buy. And when I went to watch the tape afterwards, the guys in the production truck said they didn't have any copies of it for some reason. COLE Gee, I wonder who to blame for that. Maybe the woman who's been going around burning any tape of her men losing! COACH That Best Of All The Queen's Men DVD is gonna be a bitch to compile. MADDIX With no footage to review, all I've got to go off is my memory and as I said, I don't remember being overly impressed. Infact, if anything, I was more impressed by your opponents... the Queen guys. So, tonight, I've set up a little match for you. A chance to impress me. If you guys can win in under five minutes, we'll give you a title shot at Zero Hour. But if not, then I guess I'll have to give it to the Queen and her guys. Best of luck. Baron, Cash and The CAE talk this revelation over, looking confused. MADDIX Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for their opponents, three thirds of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions, three parts of the strongest unit in the OAOAST, reigning champions since way back in November of 2008... The grand introduction is interrupted, though, as out onto the stage appears Megan Skye... and Megan Skye alone. MADDIX ...accompanied by Megan Skye, I guess, ladies and gentlemen, JA... Megan makes a cutting throat gesture. MADDIX Megan, honey, I'm kinda busy here. I'll be with you in a second. AS I WAS SAYING, JAMES BLO... Megan makes the gesture again. Rolling his eyes, Landon turns around and realising he's in public, speaks through gritted teeth. Sadly, still loud enough for the microphone he neglects to discard to pick up. MADDIX What? What was it? MEGAN There's a problem. MADDIX (looking around nervously) Uhm... where are the guys? MEGAN They're not coming. MADDIX What do you mean they're not coming!? You went to Australia with them and you got back okay. Oh. I see. Don't tell me, they were eaten by kangaroos! Great prank! Ha ha ha! You're a laugh a minute. Seriously though where are they? MEGAN Well, somebody forgot to sort out their paperwork, so now, they can't get into the country. MADDIX What!? No no, that can't be right. I told you a couple of weeks ago we needed to get the visas sorted and you told me you were going to fax them over and I... Landon slowly trails, his eyes widening. MEGAN Didn't check your e-mails, I know. MELODY Yeah, it's 2009 grampa, who even uses a 'fax machine' nowadays? Phff! What did ya do, write the paperwork on a 'typewriter'. Do you, like, work out of a museum?! Processing all this news, Landon realises he's in the wrong, but does a good job of being annoyed with Megan anyway. COLE Cucaracha Internacional were over in Australia doing promotional work, ready for our show next week in Sydney and it looks like our foreign friends had some problems at the immigration desk! MADDIX Alright, fine. I'll be in the match! I'm no illegal alien! South Dakota, born and bred baby. Yee-ha! No visa problems here! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Don't boo me, I'm an American! Darn tootin'... and so forth. (turns to Megan) Find me three partners. Quick. MEGAN Way ahead of you. What a surprise. As she mutters that line under her breath, Megan hands Landon a piece of paper. MADDIX Okay, well, my point still stands. You guys still have to win in under five minutes or I'm going to have to give the lovely Queen's group the first shot. Don't think you're getting off easy. And aside from me, you're going to be facing my three tag team partners... Landon gives the big build-up, made bigger when he stops and just stares at the paper, squinting as if confused by the words he's reading. MADDIX My... partners? ... Wesley Price... Chuck McChesney... and "Burly" Billy Fergus!? Who are these people!? These people would be jobbers. And those jobbers walk out, filling Landon with even more despair as he's confronted by two skinny, pasty white bodies and the kinda pudgy, hairy body of Pinkerton. Landon looks over at Megan, who shrugs her shoulders and says "it's the best I could do", before WALKING OFF. Yes, she actually walks off and saddles Landon with the three geeks as he stands with arms open, wondering what the hell is going on. COLE This is FAR from the strongest unit in the OAOAST. In terms of strong units, this may be the IKEA of professional wrestling teams! COACH I swear that guy in the blue was one of the guys putting up the ring earlier. SWEAR IT. Landon looks completely helpless and after realising there's no way out, he looks at his 'partners', who are all grouped in front of him as if waiting for instructions on what the hell to do. Landon angrily tells them to "get to the ring" and eventually follows. COLE Well this will be a test of Landon's leadership skills, for certain. The three no-names with stupid names climb onto the apron, with Landon on the stops. He points at one of them and tells them to get in the ring, hands annoyed on his hips. And that one starts off with Tim Cash, for the amused team on the other side. *DINGDINGDING* Cash offers a handshake to the first rookie, Wesley Price. Which he accepts, causing Landon to angrily turn his back on the match. COLE At least wait until he gets beat before you flip out. They circle and lock-up. Cash quickly goes behind on Wesley and takes him down in a waistlock. Cash floats over and applies a front facelock, before barrel rolling Wesley over and forcing his shoulders down... 1... 2... Landon comes in and breaks the count. COLE Landon, clearly with no faith in his partner. COACH Can you blame him? Cash seems as annoyed as Tim Cash can get and sportingly lets his opponent get back up. Another handshake is offered and Price goes to accept, as shouts of "KICK HIM!" echo from his corner... and the impressionable rookie does it, earning him a chorus of boos! COACH Now come on, how can you not say Landon's a great leader? It took him 20 seconds to get this kid clued in. 20 seconds! Even Price looks surprised at what he just did and takes a moment to follow up. He hits Cash with a couple of forearms, before hitting the ropes. Cash ducks a clothesline though and fires off a Backbrain Wheelkick, felling young Wesley! Rolling to his feet, Cash makes the tag to Baron Windels. The big Texan helps Price up, then nails him with a Cowboy Bebop elbow! Baron then wrings the arm. Which is too much for Landon, running into the ring and breaking up the 'submission', then dragging Wesley over to the corner with him, so Chuck McChesney can tag in. COLE Let's see if this young man fares any better against The Lonestar Gunslinger. After a peptalk from Landon, McChesney is fired up. So fired up that he lets out a semi-convincing warcry and charges across the ring. Unfortunately, he charges right into Baron Windels' boot to the face and is turned inside out. "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon holds his head in his hands. COACH This is completely unfair! Landon wasn't expecting this when he made this match, he had different opponents, people who could last five minutes... this shouldn't be happening! COLE If Landon and Cucaracha Internacional are so open to any challenge, what does it matter? Why does he not want to be facing Baron, Cash, MARV and MEL instead of All The Queen's Men? COACH ...that's not the point! Tag is made to MARV. He instantly tags to MEL, allowing five seconds to whip McChesney to the ropes. A double back elbow knocks him down. MARV then picks MEL up for a back suplex and jumps forward, causing all four legs to come down on McChesney with a modified double legdrop!! The Christ Air Express quickly roll back to their feet, catching Landon running towards them and causing him to take a u-turn back out of the ring. MADDIX ...damnit, don't stand there staring at me, get in there! "Burly" Billy does as he's told and runs into the ring. Actually, 'run' probably isn't the word for it. He uses his momentum to move forward at a certain pace. MARV and MEL have plenty of time to catch onto the chubby jobber's arm and twist them with double arm wringers. Sandwiching his head with double elbow strikes, they twist away and connect with an enziguri/gamengiri combo, sandwiching him again! With Fergus dazed, they guide him off towards Baron, who comes off the top with the Flying Lariat!! COLE IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!!! Back up, McChesney and Price find themselves faced off with MARV and MEL respectively. They turn and go to hit the ropes, but run straight into each other, in a cartoonish manner. COACH ...do you really think this is the best Megan could have found? COLE I think it's the best she cared to find. Landon watches on, resigned. Melody's team stand around watching McChesney and Price trying to help each other to their feet, waiting for her signal... MELODY (deep voice) FINISH HIM. MARV and MEL take McChesney and take him to the PEARLY GATES with a Flatliner/Enziguri!! Next to them, Baron dishes out the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL, while Cash thinks about putting on the Midwest Sling to Fergus, but decides he's suffered enough. 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And it looks like we've got ourselves number one contenders for Zero Hour. COACH Shenanigans! With hands on hips, Landon purses his lips, UNIMPRESSED with this turn of events. BUFFER Your winners of the match, the team of BARON WINDELS, TIM CASH and THE CHRIST AIIIIIRRR EXPRESS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Baron leans over the ropes and opens up his arms, wondering if Landon is suitably impressed. Hands still on hips Landon just sadly turns and walks away, shaking his head. COLE Do you ever get the feeling Landon gets what he deserves sometimes? COACH How do you figure that? COLE Well, if he'd not told Megan he was going to do something and then not done it, maybe he might have provided a tougher five minutes, to stop Baron, Cash and The Christ Air Express from getting their title shot for whatever reason. COACH He doesn't want to stop them. He just wants to be sure they're a worthy enough team, that's all. COLE No favouritism shown at all to the Queen, of course, I see. Well either way, the strongest unit in the OAOAST will be tested at Zero Hour, work visas pending I suppose. Maybe Landon ought to mislay that paperwork a little longer. Now, folks, the former World Heavyweight Champion is here tonight. As we heard last week, he's put the challenge out to Krista Isadora Duncan for a Lumberjack Match at Zero Hour. Will tonight be a night long recruiting mission for Leon... and who is he possibly going to find, considering all the friends he's alienated? COACH Trust me Michael, when it comes to ruining Krista, there's a lot of common ground to be walked in that backstage area. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS ???? TONIGHT!

I suggest CMJ! Unless Tony objects or you have someone better.

Both. Anaheim, CA would be next on the list. lol true on so many levels, fuck orange county and anaheim and the anaheim angels of los angeles, get my city the fuck out your name you bums

Was it Hartford that was bad or was it just the WM that was bad? Possibly: Logan Mann Vs Tyler Bryant

Very well, Mister cassidy will be represented by a cartoon otter.

As I am posting the show I will dictate to you plebians the entrance stage The subtitle has something to do with games, right? RIGHT?!!!! Yes right. Well, I say that the entrance stage is a giant PSP. Buttons light up and all that, and you enter from a sliding doorway in the videoscreen. Because of the game theme I may try and do graphics with comic and video game characters who look similar to OAOAST characters. If you have suggestions, then suggest them, son. But who knows how well that idea will work. Probably not very!

Props to me kc and tony. The rest of you can hang your heads in shame and disgrace.

Pussycat Doll's "Top of the world" brings out massive cheers from the sold out audience as well as the beloved OAOAST World Champion. The fitness queen, clad in a white miniskirt and a black tank top shows off her shiny title belt. COLE Here comes the world champion, no doubt with something to say to Leon Rodez! Krista enters the ring, giving the crowd a nice view of her ten million dollar legs in the process. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" KRISTA Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Leon Rodez, Leon Rodez. In the words of timeless poet, patriot, man of god, and wise elder of our tribe Flavor Flav “That Bitch Stupid like Hell”. “YEAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA I don’t quite know how to address our good friend's speech from earlier, of all the classes I took in college, “Interpersonal Relationship Conversation with deluded rambling psychopath” was not one of them. They’ll teach you useless crap like economics and math of all things, but they won’t teach you useless stuff like conversing with someone with the intelligence of a bum carrying around a jar of urine. What I would like to do with that metaphoric jar of urine, is un metaphor it smash it over Leon’s head, freeze the spilled contents and perform swan lake with his lungs as my ice skates on top of said frozen urine. Maybe you have other ideas of far fetched ways to torture Captain Insaneo, I don’t know. From what I’m able to decipher from Leon’s possibly crack influenced speech from earlier is that I’m a mean and nasty girl, and I treat people as though they were Christian Wright aka dog shit. Well, honey, of course I do, I have big boobs and a nice ass, I can do anything I damn well please in this country. “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA Leonardo infers that I have quite a few enemies….enemies beyond Kelly Ripa, if you don’t want me to grab your ass don’t bend over in front of me when I’ve had six margaritas! I digress, as always. He says these enemies extend beyond Evangelical Christians, Devout Muslims, the KKK, the Nazi Youth Leauge, the Republican Party, my dad’s side of the family, and my entire third grade class, long story lots of lawsuits and a few lost eyeballs. He says my enemies go straight into there! Krista points to the back. KRISTA Not the videoscreen, its just a jumbled entanglement of wires and mircochips, that would be absurd if it was an enemy. No these enemies are right in the OAOAST Locker Room. “BOOOOOOOOO!” KRISTA Funny that’s the first thing I say when I come to work here. What Leon fails to tell you about good ol Auntie Krista is that she’s never ever in her life attacked someone who didn’t so richly deserve a new career of begging for change on the overpass. And speaking of if you do drive by Christian Wright out there throw him a ten cent piece or something. These so called innocent victims of my life altering character assassinating rampages have always, always provoked me somehow someway. A lot of people say I destroyed GPX’s career. Damn right I destroyed their career and I was happy to do so. You’d be pretty overjoyed to send them packing for wrestling for retards and base heads in community centers around the county if they attacked your girlfriend and left her for dead. Same with the Sooner Bruisers. I’m not the one who trapped Alix in a closet and proceeded to brutally beat on her. They did that, not me! Christian Wright? Again I’m not the one who started the whole thing, by publicly declaring me an “uncontrollable hooligan draped in Marylin Monroe's clothing” and unruly, disrespectful, flamboyant, and loud. And for that I highly recommend they, “like any woman who does not know her station, be slapped and smacked until the shroud of silence falls over them.” I wasn’t the one who insulted my youngest daughter and then attacked me with cutting shears, and tried to cut my head off. The Heavenly Rockers? Again, it wasn’t my idea to be hounded into becoming someone not named Jessica Alba’s sex slave. Theodore Moneymaker? Jesus just go buy the Moneymaker Vs Krista DVD if you wanna know the story of that novella. Bottom line is every life I have ruined, every career I have brought to crashing halt, is a result of someone trying to do the exact same to me! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” KRISTA For every life I bring down the Krista brand wrecking ball upon I bring a little touch of magic and I save a life. Here’s an example. Krista pulls out a letter. KRISTA “Dear Krista, my name is Tom and I’m 45 years old and from Topeka, Kansas. Your fitness videos have been a god send. Before I began watching them my life was a wreck, and my health was in shambles. You saved me. With my large weight gains my wife had begun to find me unattractive and repulsive. Then I found your videos and my life was changed. I no longer needed my wife. I had you. I’ve seen you in the sexiest white sports bra I’ve . I feel myself harden just looking at the DVD case. I imagine that sports bra comes off and I get to start kissing and licking your bar breasts…..” And that got creepy real fast, didn’t it. Krista shurgs her shoulders and tosses the letter overhead. KRISTA But, I don’t want to humiliate Leon. Nah, been there done that starred in that movie and wrote the sequel. Like, our precious Leon said, Miss Krista only wants revenge. After you jammed that chair into my neck, I got to thinking about all the things I’d love to shove into your throat. A switchblade, scissors, a machete, a kitchen knife, a steak knife, a saw, a chainsaw, an axe, steel rod of some sort, you get the point. But the only thing I need to shove is my world title in your face. And that is what will happen at Zero Hour no matter what miserable subhuman creatures you bring back from my past. Count on it. Krista pats her title on her shoulders and soaks up the applause of the crowd as we.... FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We swing into the OAOAST arena COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside ESPN and OAOAST star Johnathan Coachman! What a wild night we had at Angleslam with our controversial world title ending and a mainevent so wild it hasn't even been seen by a single soul! And right now we'd like to thank all of our great fans in Puerto Rico for coming out and joining us at AngleSlam. We had a great time in the sunny surroundings of San Juan and will be back for live arena dates in January 2009, more information on tickets available at OAOAST.com. And the OAOAST television cameras will be back in... hang on, what? Cole's shilling is brought to an end, as LEON RODEZ appears walking past the side of the ring. COLE Oh great. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Making his way over to the timekeeper's table, The Fallen Idol motions for somebody to give him a microphone. After staring down Cole and Coach and making sure he's got complete quiet, Leon stands scowling into the camera, LEON I'm sure you're all expecting me to come out here tonight and beg, plead for another shot at the OAOAST World Title. Infact that's probably what you're hoping for. To see me humbled and denigrated? "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" LEON Well you're going to have to find some other lab rat to draw your sick pleasure from. Because as it turns out, I don't need to beg. And I don't need to plead. Your World Champion has already done that for me. Seems she wants another match with me. The champion desperate to face her challenger. What a novel concept. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Shouted down by the chants, Leon is forced to pause, looking out of the corner of his eye at the fans. LEON As someone who's spent years of his life living as a glutton for punishment, I know your pain Krista. Unfortunately, it's not the pain I want you to feel. It's not the pain you deserve to feel. The pain your deserve to feel was the pain you felt when I took that steel chair... Reaching out, Leon unfolds a chair, holding it up with a hand. LEON ...and I jammed the edge right into your esophagus. That was the pain of all of your words and all of your insults you've dished out over the years clogging up your throat, leaving you gasping for every last waste of breath you consume. See, Sunday night, I only got half of what I wanted. I didn't get back what you stole from me. But I gave you a taste of my pain. So if you want another match with me so bad, so badly want 'revenge', a lopsided honour system if I ever saw one. If that's what you want, you've got it. But it'll be on my terms. Leon puts the chair aside. LEON You see, all these weeks since my eyes finally opened to the world around me, I've been called a lot of things. Mainly by people who's eyes I was opened too. I've been called 'troubled'. 'Changed'. 'A loner'. Apparantly, my view on the world isn't popular. Unshared. But this? I'm FAR from the only one who feels the way I do at this moment, Krista. Sometimes, we all reap what we sow in this life. Those who are victims are so because they bring it on themselves by letting it happen. Those who are successful bring it on themselves, by stepping on people too stupid to realise they're victims. Like I used to be. And those who are hated are hated for a reason. All these years of domination, Krista. All these years of stepping on people. You've got a lot to show for it. Money. Fame. Accolades. A beautiful house... two beautiful daughters... a beautiful partner... and behind those curtains, a slew of enemies. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" LEON We all have enemies in this business. Every person in that locker room is hunting you down because you're the World Champion. But I'm not talking about that. There's so many people who simply want to see you suffer for the damage you've caused to their lives and their careers. These fans might love you. But behind those cheers, you are despised by so many. And you've brought it all on yourself. Years and years of "being Krista". That sooner or later was always going to catch up on you. Leon's eyes narrow, almost able to manage a smile. LEON Krista, I want you to think. Think of all the people you've hurt in your career. Think of all the times you've embarrassed someone. Think of all the times that you've lead all of these sick sheep in one of your little witchhunts, pitchforks in hand, laughing and goading and spitting on somebody and only stopping when you've completely broken their spirit!! Think about them! Because at Zero Hour, when you defend your World Title against me again, that ring is going to be surrounded by all of those people who you've made enemies of. All those people who want to see you broken, just like I do. They're all going to be there. Because if you really want another match with me, it's going to be a Lumberjack Match. And I'm going to handpick all the lumberjacks. And I'll only chose those who have the same need and desire to watch your career and your hold over these fans DIE in front of our very eyes. Only those who hate you the most are going to be waiting for you if you step so much as a foot out of that ring. And I'll bet there's going to be a LONG queue of people lined up to be there. Because at Zero Hour, I will take your title. I will inflict my pain. And then the time will come for you to answer for all the wrongs you've commited. I don't believe in a heaven anymore... but I believe in a hell... because I'm going to drag you there and watch you burn myself! Dropping the microphone, Leon looks around at the booing crowd, before stalking off. COLE Wow. We thought we hadn't seen the last of Leon and Krista... and how right we were. But after hearing that, Krista's days as the Krista we've come to know may well be numbered. Backstage we find Leon's companion Morgan Nerdly leaning against a wall and watching Leon's promo. Suddenly a young boy and a young girl come up and approach her. B Miss, miss, can we have your autograph? MORGAN My autograph? Yeah…I guess so. Are you going to use it to commit credit card fraud? GIRL No. MORGAN Well you should. Morgan quickly scribbles her name down on the papers. MORGAN So, how did two little kids sneak backstage? GIRL We didn’t sneak! BOY Our dad’s a maintenance man. MORGAN Oooooooh. Um, maybe I can ask you two a question. What if you were playing in the playground in the sandbox with a toy truck. And then another kid steals your truck right out your hands. Would you try to get it back? BOY Sure! MORGAN Okay. Then what if there was another girl who didn’t like you, and tried to help the girl that stole your truck. Is it wrong to try and stop her? GIRL Hmmmm. MORGAN What if you hurt her, and then the teacher comes. You’re afraid of her, so you kick her in the shin. Then more teachers come and a recesses lady comes, and they all mean to hurt you. Then the principal comes, and you’re freaking out, you don’t know what she’s going to do? She loves the other girl more than she’d ever like you, and she wants to see you hurt. Now you’ve got another enemey after waves and waves came at you, and they all wanted to hurt you. You’d attack the principal, you’d protect yourself. Its not even about the truck anymore, its about saving yourself. Did do you do something….wrong like everyone says you did? BOY Daddy says to keep our hands to herself. GIRL I would say sorry, because if I didn’t I’d go a week without desert. MORGAN I can’t go without my Cookies and Cream Ice Cream. The kids' share a laugh. But their merriment is brought to a halt by VICE walking in on the conversation. BOSLEY Scram, runts! Fearful of the AMOG, the kids make a speed retreat. CPA What are you gonna do? MORGAN I don’t know. CPA Did you ask Leon? MORGAN I did but he….he…its not important. CPA Figures. MORGAN I just....I wanna be left alone right now. Not getting the obvious hint, Bosley prepares another of one of his outlandish diatribe BOSLEY What you did wasn’t nothing. I'm used to shit like this, used to the haters, son. Been holding down the block with my 18 inch biceps cut like diamonds since I was 16. Not only are my muscles big but they've got more layers of fibras n shit than other peoples. Just the other day my man J-Bomb thought he was cokcy shit since hes pretty damn jacked too put he aint got shit on me. We set up some weights in my backyard, topless in this weather, real man shit here son, no time for pussy assed health spas, I schooled his ass, should have seen his eyes, couldnyt believe the kinda shit I was lifting. Boy got mad and huffed off like a homo, and I say fuck him more beer for me. Half n hour later he comes back with some black dudes, no dis to you Chris, and some fuckin cholos fresh from the border. I didn’t even wait for an invite. I brought the heat to him, with my dexterous marital art discipline Bosjitsu. I was like out the Matrix, ducking, dodgig, throwin lethal weapons left and right. 2 minutes later my grass was stained red from all the blood I shed. I didn't give a shit. I went inside had me some pancakes called over the hoes and did it all night long while those pussies lied near dead in the grass. The AMOG slaps CPA on the back and lets out a hearty roar for his inane and insane tale. MORGAN I guess I’m on my own. Like always. COMMERCIAL

ANGLESLAM: THE ENCORE PRESENTATION SHILL BRANNIGAN Hi again, everyone. This hastily put together ANGLESLAM SHILL is brought to you by the encore presentation available all this weekend on pay-per-view. And what a night it was this past Sunday night in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Quite possibly the greatest Angleslam event in OAOAST history. One of the reasons why: the tag title match between the LDC Moneygang/Team Heyross. Like their AngleMania encounter, it was all-time classic only it came with some controversy. Here now comments from the LDC Moneygang recorded minutes after their match. OAOAST cameras follow the LDCMG inside THE ENTERPRISE dressing room. REIGER Did you see that?! Theodore Moneymaker rises from his seat, a CELLPHONE in hand. MONEYMAKER I’m on the phone with our lawyers. CMJ Tell em ta find a way ta get the belts 'round ah *BEEP* waists, eh Theo. *BEEP* referees, those chowda heads are full of crahp REIGER Yeah, they should be ours right now. I had Moss pinned 1-2-3. What’s that senile old fool Clem Buzzlefoxer doing looking at my shoulders anyway? Is he some kind of pervert? LORELEI That man needs an appointment with Dr. Conrad Murray. CMJ (spots cameraman) Are ya still fahllowing us? Get the * BLEEP * outta here! CMJ shoves the cameraman out and slams the door as we cut back to Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Whether the Enterprise likes it or not, senior official Clem Buzzlefoxer got the call right. A call they almost benefited from had Buzzlefoxer not seen the shoulders of Spencer Reiger were down. I would not be surprised if OAOAST officials sign a rematch in the near future. But folks, be sure to catch the encore presentation of Angleslam this week on pay-per-view. If you’ve seen it once, see it again! If you haven’t seen it yet, do so! ANGLESLAM THE ENCORE PRESENTATION ALL THIS WEEKEND ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! COMMERCIAL

CUE: “Living in America” by James Brown BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave… LIBERTY and FREEDOM… THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! The guys wave miniature American flags. COLE Always great to see the All-American Boys, two men you’d like your kids to look up to. COACH That sounds a little creepy coming from you, Cole. COLE Let’s not beat that dead horse. COACH Luckily for you, I’m not into that kind of thing. CUE: “Protect Your Mind (2009)” by DJ Sakin & Friends BUFFER And their opponents, led down the aisle by QUEEN ESTHER… Europe’s finest athletes, at a total combine weight of 430 pounds… DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Queen Esther back again, in a very good mood now that she doesn't have tapes to confiscate for no reason with Rico's win over Outhouse Jack. The Last Kings complete the Bushwhackers march around ringside, then beat the piss out of the All-American Boys. * DINGDINGDING * Scott hammers Liberty and Freedom with THE SCOTTISH CLUB, a double axe handle blow to the chest. COLE I’m being told there’s a commotion backstage. We’ll keep you updated on that. Meanwhile, the Last Kings of Scotland are dominating the All-American Boys. Danny Boy delivers a PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM on Liberty, then he and Scott squash Freedom with THE HIGHLAND FAREWELL!! COACH You can put this one in the books, Cole. It’s over. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… SCOTTISH SCOTT and DANNY BOY… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Believing the cheers are for her and the Last Kings, Queen Esther waves to the people only to find out the ovation is really for SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD, THE ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS!!! QUEEN ESTHER COACH Simon and Ned must’ve been the cause of that commotion backstage, Cole. COLE And we know why. Simon and Ned haven’t forgotten about what the Last Kings of Scotland did to them a few weeks ago. Simon and Ned get a few licks in before the Last Kings hightail it. COLE I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of this. THIS WEEK ON SYNDICATED (hopefully) LOGAN MANN Vs TYLER BRYANT BOHEMOTH IN ACTION THUNDERKID DEFENDS HIS US TITLE! THIS WEEK!

Returning from break we find OAOAST Women's Champion Morgan Nerdly in the ring holding a microphone. She looks nervous and unsure, as if she could run away from this situation at any moment. MORGAN Hello, is this on? Oh I guess it is. Ummmmm….a few days ago I did something that I thought was right. I was only trying to protect myself, but I guess I took it too far, because that’s what everyone keeps saying. They mostly say it behind my back, they get quiet when I walk by, but they don’t know I can hear them. They call me a childlike sociopath. Some of them say they don’t feel safe with me around. What they don’t know is that I was protecting myself from people like them. But, I apparently hurt some people. A lot of people. COLE She’s quite correct. MORGAN I don’t know what to say, but I guess sorry is a good start. I’m just getting used to being around people. To the people I hurt, I’m sorry. I think I am. Just, please don’t try and hurt me again. I can’t promise you I won’t do it all over again. Sorry. One person I want to say sorry to the most is Lorelei DeCenzo. "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" MORGAN Lorelei was my friend, and I hurt her. I've hurt her twice and I don't know if I won't hurt her again. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone. I'm supposed to be sorry, aren't I? That's the "right" thing to be. I...I...want to do what's right. JOSIE (OS) Oh no, oh no, oh no. You’re not getting off that easy, girl! Morgan's eyes now burn with anger as she sees Josie appear on the entrance stage. MORGAN What do you want? Josie power walks down the entrance ramp, pointing an accusatory finger at Morgan. JOSIE What I want is your resignation on my desk by the end of the show! But my bet is you won’t grant me that pleasure. In exchange I’ll take your title. The fans are puzzled and so is Morgan as she watches Josie enter the OAOAST ring. COLE Is Josie challenging Morgan for the women’s title? JOSIE I don’t believe a word of what you just said. MORGAN I guess that's your right bu I’m being serious. JOSIE Even if you were, sorry just doesn’t do it for me. Nope. Your words are wasted on me so save em. These people might think an apology is sufficient, but I sure as hell don’t. And as far as your concerned my belief is the only thing that matters. You left referee after referee laying in misery. I have complaints from the referee's union flooding my phone lines. You put that shit on me? Unbelievable! You owe me more than an apology you owe me the time I've been chewed out and yelled at by angry referees and enraged union officials. But, that's just the least of my problems with you, child. More importantly you gave me a Shock and Awe. COACH We knew it would come down to that. MORGAN I said sorry! JOSIE I said I don’t care, you little witch. You hear me? I don’t care! I'm not one of your sisters you can terrorize. I'm the boss, second behind only Anglesault. I've got the power and I'm not to be messed with! You laid your hands on me and you sealed your fate. You’re going to be paying for that mistake for a long time to come, Nerdly, a long time to come. You can start your first payment with your OAOAST Women’s title. MORGAN What do you mean? JOSIE As if you don’t know exactly what I mean. You’re a smart girl, figure it out. MORGAN I’m being stripped of my title? No fair! I just won it…after you did everything you could to try and stop me from hurting your precious Sophie. JOSIE I don’t care if you walked on water and parted the red seas, your belt is no longer your belt. Got that? The women's title is mine all the way up to Zero Hour. On that night the people in Pittsburgh, official home of the OAOAST, will see a six woman scramble match- COLE Big announcement! JOSIE Whoever walks out of that ring after twenty minutes are up, well, they’ll have the pleasure of wearing your belt. Morgan grumbles to herself JOSIE Now if you’re lucky I could be persuaded to possibly allow you entry. We’ll see how your behavior is. But my guess is you're going to be on the outside looking for a very long time. Heehehehe. MORGAN No fair! You can’t do this! JOSIE I can do whatever I damn well please. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but here’s a quick reminder that I’m one dishing out the paychecks. I’m the one making the matches, I’m the one in control and your crazy ass better learn that sooner than later. MORGAN (to herself) Oh boy. JOSIE Oh boy what? Your act is growing tired. I’m not going to tolerate any of this psycho babble shit for much longer. If you continue the way you have been it won’t be long before you find yourself heading back to Edmonton with a pink slip in hand. I bet there will be a great bidding war between all the mental hospitals to sign you up. COLE Now that wasn't called for. MORGAN You’re making a big mistake. Josie frowns and stares Morgan dead in her cold blue eyes. JOSIE The only mistake I know of is standing right in front of me. SHOCK AND AWE (FU) on Josie ! “OHHHHHHHH” COLE Oh my! Oh my! Morgan looks down with a typically empty and unfeeling expression aimed towards the fallen HeldDOWN boss. MORGAN A big mistake. "This Is How I Disappear" fires back up, escorting Morgan from a ring that paramedics flood into. COLE For the second OAOAST show in a row Morgan has decimated Josie Baker with the Shock and Awe! COACH Once again Josie had it coming. I don't care who you are, if you say the things Josie said to someone, you gonna get that ass beat. Ain't no human just gonna let you pop off like that without some mean consequences. COLE I will agree Josie let her emotions and rage take it too far, but it may be Morgan paying the steepest price of all. COACH Now we see why Morgan is the way she is. She tries to apologize, says she wants to do the right thing and all she gets back is shit in return. COLE For once I believe we're in agreement, but Josie Baker may have other ideas. Folks, we'll return with The Last Kings of Scotland in action! COMMERCIAL

Happy boys and happy girls, will be We are the happy boys and girls Happy boys and happy girls, will be So happy, yeah! so, so happy, yeah! Images of All The Queens men dubious antics flare onto the video screens as Aqua's "Happy Boys and Happy Girls" welcome out The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. Uprising is the only thing to welcome the threesome as the audience dumps a heaping of hatred on the group. Nothing can stop Queen Esther’s joy, however, as she curtsies to the crowd in her gawdy bejeweled white gown. Rico De Janerio is attired in a green and yellow fur coat that is every bit as ugly as it sounds. Much like Esther he doesn’t care about the fans’ anger, and merely strokes his pornstache for good luck. Lucius Soul, holding a white mask in one hand, pats Rico on the back and psyches him up with promises of a grand victory. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Rio De Janerio, Brazil, he weighes in at 228 pounds, he is The White Knight….RICO DE JANERIO! Upon reaching the ring, Rico takes the mask from Soul and places it over his face. COLE What the heck? Giggling with a girlish glee all her own, Queen Esther slides into a seat at sofa central. Cole is the one most bothered by her arrival as her large, flowing gown threatens to force him out his seat. QUEEN ESTHER Hi all! Greetings! COLE Don’t you have video tapes to burn, mother Russia? QUEEN ESTHER Not today, because the good guys are winning! BUFFER And the opponent, from the Everglades he weighs in at 246 pounds he is Outhouse Jack! Jack waves a hunting knife at near by children and foams uncontrollably at the mouth. Good man that Outhouse Jack, good man, indeed. DING DING DING Immediately the two rather hairy gentlemen step into each other for a lockup. They tussle and struggle over the hold until Outhouse is able to surprise Rico with an arm drag. Rico quickly gets back to his feet, but rather than engage in the fight he begs off the sloppy wrestler. COLE A bit of a yellow tail on your knight, Queen? QUEEN ESTHER I don’t see any tail! What tail? Has he been a victim of witchcraft?! Rico hangs back in the corner, rubbing his hands against his thick white mask in order to make sure its properly secured. COLE Why is he wearing that thing anyway? QUEEN ESTHER To protect his handsome chiseled and manly features! COLE He’s not even that handsome! We’re talking Rico here, not Tyler Bryant or Spencer Reiger. Rico! QUEEN ESTHER Oh no! I think you might be the one infected from witchcraft, that’s why you’re always grumpy and mean and you have no friends. COLE I have my teddy bear Mister Fubsy. “Come awwwwwwn, hoss!” Outhouse Jack shouts at Rico. Not especially thrilled with being yelled at by a simple hillbilly Rico runs forward and plants his knee into Jack’s flabby stomach. The redneck foolishly tries to fight back by slugging Rico in the face, but only does damage to his hand when it meets the hard mask. COACH Outhouse is as stupid as he looks! COLE Aren’t you going to yell at Coach for being mean? QUEEN ESTHER No, because he is as stupid as he looks! Rico torments Outhouse Jack with European uppercuts that get excited cheers from Soul. He then shoves the blubbery jobber into a corner and proceeds to blast him in the face with stiff elbow strikes. QUEEN ESTHER I’ve decided to donate my half of the winner’s pot to my favorite children’s charity, Lucius Soul’s little wonders. COLE You fell for that?! Lucius Soul doesn’t have a charity, Lucius Soul doesn’t even have a soul! QUEEN ESTHER There goes old grumpy bear, grumping it up with his evil spirit. Rico pulls Outhouse away from the corner and attempts an irish whip. But Outhouse reverses it and brings Rico in close for a short armed belly bump! Rico becomes the receiving end for several punches from the rotund grappler. Leaving Rico stunned, Outhouse runs to the ropes. He lumbers back at The Brazilian but is left laying by a lariat. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” QUEEN ESTHER Humming song, humming song, I’m singing the humming song, so I can’t hear you when you talk, humming song, humming song, gosh I love the humming song. Rico stomps away at Outhouse Jack with his black leather boots. He then grabs him off the canvas and shoots him into the ropes. As Outhouse Jack returns, Rico puts him on the ground with a raised boot. The South American celebrates by raising his arms and tipping his hand to Lucius. “Yo, you got this one, baby, put this ass muppet away!” Lucius shouts. COLE Ass muppet? And he owns a children’s charity? QUEEN ESTHER I hear its wonderful! They have scavenger hunts, egg painting, and they ride camels also. COLE Camel riding? In New Orleans? Rico throws himself to the ropes and comes back to strike Outhouse under the chin with The Hand Of God! Outhouse Jack tumbles to the canvas, landing with a thud that rocks the ring right down to its very core. COLE What an uppercut! COACH It’s the hand of god, baby. A pin is made…. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING Rico celebrates with a removal of his mask, in order to show off his legendary pornstache to the booing audience. Queen Esther immediately runs to Soul and hugs him with exuberance and delight. BUFFER The winner as a result of a pinfall….RICO DE JANERIO! COLE A fine outing for the now unmasked Rico, and he didn’t harm a hair on his pretty widdle head. COMMERCIAL

lol fuk the kings hurry up and move them to Las Vegas Morgan will say stuff I know that fer sure.

I'll probably post it on Saturday. Maybe that Rico/Outhouse Jack match if no one has plans for either two. What city are we in? I'm on dial up and I ain't waitin 1 minute to check!!!

Tony's got this show. I assume we're doing it in an arena or stadium and not a hotel like last year's HD~! But damn that is a nice hotel, ain't it. I know EWC will show up for this!

Dr.Z (now liverbird) has requested this be the opening promo. I made no promises COLE GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! And Welcome to OAOAST ANGLESLAM!! COACH Cole, I am more than excited for tonight, sir. Do you know why? COLE Why is that, Coach? COACH Because tonight, we will see the current OAOAST World Champion Krista Isadora Duncan take on the high-flying, technical wizard known as Leon Rodez. It's going to be magnificent! COLE Not only that, but we ALSO have the OAOAST World Tag Team Championships being defended, as reigning champs Team Heyross take on the LDC Moneygang! The arena suddenly goes [img=http://www.photoshopessentials.com/images/type/effects/plastic/fill-with-black.gif] CUE: "Walk All Over You" by AC/DC -The arena's spotlights flash on, illuminating just the ramp and ring. As the song reaches the end of the opening, the curtain flies open, revealing [img=http://i.thisislondon.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04/longblondesES2204_243x519.jpg] (You wouldn't know who she is, so why say it?) The fans begin cheering, simply because the gal is hot. The mystery woman stops at the top of the ramp as the curtain once again flies open. The man standing in the entrance way wears a red flannel button up shirt and skinny blue jeans. His eyes are hidden behind his pair of dark aviator sunglasses. The man runs his hands through his short-ish red hair before walking down the ramp, arm in arm with the beautiful brunette in short shorts. COLE It looks like we're starting off this show with some new faces, isn't that right, Coach? COACH uh-huh... COLE HEY! Stop ogling the new girl! COACH uh-huh...what....yeah... -The two new faces slide into the ring, as the lights are still extreme and fixated right on them. The unnamed woman stands in the square of the ring, smiling out at the Puerto Rican fans. A random stage crew member rushes into the ring and hands her a microphone. UNNAMED "Let me just start off by saying, what a horrible horrible experience our little Puerto Rican trip has been..." -Of course the fans boo. UNNAMED "It has nothing to do with you people, although...heh...some of you are quite rude...." -The boos are a little bit more scarce. UNNAMED "It's because we signed with this company a month and a half ago, and THIS...THIS is our first show. So where the F[CENSORED] are we?" -The camera zooms in on a single sign, reading "GREETINGS FROM TOMBSTONE, AZ." We now see the mystery woman again. UNNAMED "In case the brass in the back forgot who we were, since so many seem to get lost in the shuffle here...my name is Veronica Curtis...I signed a six figure contract to manage the man to my right...The True Savior of the OAOAST... [img=http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/rockcandy/Image/josh%20homme.jpg] Billy...THE KID...CASSIDY!!" -A few scattered fans cheer as the sunglassed man kissies at Veronica. She kissies back before continuing to meander around the ring. VERONICA "This beautiful man ALSO signed a six figure contract, only his states clearly that he is here to wrestle. So that means you have a fully-trained, rip rarin' to go Professional Wrestler just itchin'...just WAITING to get into the ring, but no. What do the brass at the OAOAST do? They decide that Leon Rodez deserves to take up time...they decide that Zack Malibu is - somehow - still relevant enough to squeeze in. So where does that leave us? Where does that leave Billy Cassidy and Veronica Curtis? Twiddling their thumbs in the back, waiting for that glass ceiling to lower just enough for us to squeeze ourselves in." -The fans slightly cheer, but most stay silent. VERONICA "If I can liken the OAOAST to something, it would be a sinking ship...and it has NO-ONE to blame...but themselves." -The boos are deafening now as Veronica smirks slightly, surveying the damage. VERONICA "Now, normally, I would be laughing at you idiots in the back for staying aboard...I would be laughing at you stupid stupid fans for allowing your beloved OAOAST to become the breeding ground for complacency and backstage politics. BUT NO LONGER!! The old days of the OAOAST are officially OVER! As of right F[CENSORED]G NOW, WE are captaining this ship. WE are running things the way they USED to be run. WE...are going to be responsible...for bringing the OAOAST back to what it once was, standing high atop the pro wrestling mountain!" -The boos now turn to cheers as some fans begin chanting "BRING US BACK! BRING US BACK! BRING US BACK!" Veronica smiles wide as she slowly twirls around, taking in the cheers. VERONICA "...but that's not happening tonight..." -Boos again. VERONICA "You're the idiots that paid to see THIS product, so why should you be rewarded for your complacency? Nonono, this Friday...the new era begins. For now, enjoy the shit." -With that, the spotlights cut off, and the arena is filled with darkness and jeers. A few moments pass before the lights hit once again, revealing the now empty ring

Veteran ring announcer, Michael Buffer stands in the middle of a darkened ring, highlighted by a purple spotlight. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is time the OAOAST Women’s Title bout! [size=5][b][color="#008000"]M O N E Y[/color][/b][/size] [b][i]So sexy[/i][/b] [i][color="#008000"]Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah) And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah) Its good to live expensive You know it, but my knees get weak intensive When you give me k-kisses Thats money honey, Well I'm your lover and your mistress Thats money honey When you touch me, its so delicious Thats money honey Baby when you tell me the pieces Thats money honey [/color][/i] COLE Lorelei’s earning the big bucks tonight, this is her 3rd appearance on the show! Lady Gaga's [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rDb3ERKpzg"]Money Honey[/url] rings out over the numerous boos from the arena crowd. Stepping onto the Angleslam set is Lorelei DeCenzo, wearing black booty shorts and a referee’s outfit. She twirls around to show off her impressive body before pointing to the ring. Nodding to herself she heads down the entrance ramp with nose firmly stuck in the air to avoid interaction with the audience. BUFFER Introducing the special guest referee, she comes from Manhattan Beach, California, representing The Enterprise she is a former women's champion….THE MONEY HONEY LORELEI DECENZOOOOOO! "BOOOOOOOOO!" the fans spit venom at Lorelei, who returns an admonishing glare to them. COLE Lorelei DeCenzo has many personal reasons for meddling in this match, one of which is that she thinks Morgan Nerdly has abandoned her for Leon Rodez. I’ll admit that a relationship with Leon isn’t very healthy for Morgan, but can it be any worse than being abused and manipulated by Lorelei? Apparently overhearing this comment, Lorelei shouts down Michael Cole, which seems to please the audience members behind him. COACH Damn, breh, you stay getting sonnned like a bitch. Naw, you ain’t even a man, you got daughtered. :CUE: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvpZMjcjo_g"]Lorie-Je Vais Vite[/url] Sophie comes onto the Angleslam stage waving and greeting the cheering audience as red and blue lights flash behind her. She wears a white tank top with her name etched on the back, black workout pants, and white tennis shoes that carry her down the entrance ramp. BUFFER Introducing the champion, she comes from Marseilles, France, she is SOPHIE GREEEEEYYYYYY! COLE Lorelei has a mandate to keep Sophie safe. If anything should happen to her, Josie has stated she will be dealt with severly. COACH That’s that bullshit, son. Injuries happen all the time. Ain’t no one got fired when Shayne Brave broke his arm, no one got the pink slip when Mister Moneymaker had to get forty five stitches to close up a wound at the Chi-Town Spectacular. This is nepotism and favoritism. COLE Can’t aruge that, I suppose. Sophie slides into the ring, where she pops up and holds her women’s title high into the air for all to marvel over. She passes it to the referee, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle to hold a pose of victory with arms raised and head held high. The dizzyingly frantic symbols and the ripping adrenaline of [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhJ7b4WJ9Ok"]“This Is How I Disappear”[/url] flow into the arena like a volcanic eruption. “OHHHHHHHHHH!” the fans murmur, knowing full well the danger that lies behind the entrance doors COLE Hereeeee she comes! [i][color="#00BFFF"][b]GO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There are things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now[/b].[/color][/i] Bolts of electricity crash down like bombs onto the stage, exploding into blinding sparks. All across the arena, video screens are filled with the image of flickering electricity. The stage lies carpeted by a serene yet evil blue light. The most powerful burst of electricity scorches through the air and touches down in the middle of the stage. That’s when the youthful challenger first appears on stage, earning an intimidated reaction from the frightened crowd. Morgan wears a pinstriped booty shorted romper over her tiny frame. She chews on her blond hair nervously, and watches the crowd with the same frightened look they give her. There is however a noticeable section of the teenage crowd greeting Morgan with cheers. Angsty teenagers>>>>* COLE Is anyone as dangerous, as lethal as the Tiny Terror from Edmonton? COACH Nobody in the women’s division that’s for sure. I think peeps would rather fight Malaysia than Morgan. At least Malaysia is in control of herself and is conscious of what she’s doing. I don’t think Morgan can distinguish right from wrong. BUFFER From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... she is a former OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION!! Prepare for [i]SHOCK[/i] and awe from MMMOOOOOOORRRRRGGAAAAAAANN... NNEEEERRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!! One foolish fan makes the unwise decision to shove a sign that reads “ALL RODEZ GO STRAIGHT TO KIDOLOGY” in Morgan’s face. [size="3"][font="Arial Black"][color="#00BFFF"]ZAAAAAAAAAP[/color][/font][/size] COLE Oh my! Oh my! She just….she just…oh my! COACH Awwwww shit, that nigga be cooked extra crispy! His ass gonna be served with some honey bbq sauce at Wendy’s. Bitch about to be Value Meal #5. It ain’t fast food its Wendy’s! HAHAHAHAAH! Look at my sign, guys, I’m on TV! Ahhhh I’m dying, guys! HAHAHAH! Morgan has little concern for the latest victim of her ongoing rampage against humanity. Instead she trots up the steps, meeting Sophie’s fearful face with an empty expression. [i][color="#00BFFF"][b]Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out. I'm really not so with you anymore. I'm just a ghost, So I can't hurt you anymore, So I can't hurt you anymore. And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink? Let me go, fuck! So, you can, well now so, you can I'm so far away from you. Well now so, you can[/b].[/color][/i] Morgan gets into the ring and stands on the first rope, while leaning over the second. She casts a quizzical glance at the audience, almost childlike in its odd innocence. COLE If I was Lorelei I would’ve ended the match before it started. Zapping a fan is no way to begin an OAOAST title match. Hopefully that young man gets the medical attention he needs, and doesn’t sue us because I got mouthes to feed, shit! DING DING DING The challenger and the champion lockup in the center of the ring. However, the lockup is a short one, as it ends with Morgan trapping the women’s champion into a side headlock. Sophie is quick to make an attempt in fighting out the hold, by pushing the petite challenger into the ropes. Morgan manages to keep her hold for the moment, but when Sophie attempts to push her to the opposite ropes she’s sent running across the ring. Sophie rushes after her, hoping to get an early strike on the challenger. But Morgan’s bare legs slide across the ground like a soccer player, and Sophie is tripped by the daring slide tackle. Lorelei smirks at the tactic, but replaces that with and admonishing glare when Morgan looks at her. COLE A fine soccer player tactic, certainly appreciated by our European friends on the roster. COACH Sophie’s a euro and I bet she’s not appreciating it! Morgan runs to the ropes, but as she comes back towards the center of the ring, Sophie rolls her body towards her in an effort to trip her up. Morgan’s platform pumps narrowly give her enough jump to elude Sophie. She carries herself to the opposite ropes. When she comes back, Sophie’s limber legs leap frog her and force her to take another run of the ropes. Her run is finally cut short, as Sophie rockets her lean frame into her with a spinning elbow strike. Sophie then makes her own run to the ropes, timing it so that she may arrive when Morgan is beginning to stand. Her tennis shoes throw her into the air, and she slices Morgan down with a fame assser! Morgan clutches her head and shrieks in anger. Her anger is only intensified when Sophie attempts a fall… ONE! Morgan gets her bare shoulder off the canvas. She nervously chews on her hair, afraid of some vague danger only she is aware of. Morgan rolls to her feet, with screams of “GET AWAY!” targeted at a cold and unfeeling Lorelei. Sophie gains her attention by tagging her with a pair of left jabs. These let Sophie take hold of Morgan’s arms and hurl her into the nearest ring posts. The French Girl follows that simple move with a painful one, driving her tanktop covered chest into Morgan’s face. Morgan stumbles out the corner, clearly dizzied by the impact of the strike. This works to Sophie’s advantage as she’s able to roll Morgan up with a school boy! Lorelei makes the count… ONE! TWO! Morgan kicksout the pin! COLE Sophie may be one of the only performers in the history of this sport to make the school boy a viable finisher. Sophie drags Morgan up by the collar of her romper. But Morgan breaks free of Sophie’s clutches by stepping onto her tennis shoes. Sophie hollers in pain and hops away from Morgan. Turning her back on the dangerous teenager is highly unwise; Morgan sweeps her legs out from under her. Sophie timbers to the canvas and her stomach is immediately struck by a running kick from Morgan. The unstable Nerdly girl then drops to her knees to place a choke hold on Sophie. Lorelei makes an attempt to uphold the rules and tries to separate Morgan from Sophie. “STAY BACK!” Morgan hollers, almost as much to herself as to Lorelei. Her anger is scattered and furious as she leaps upright and stalks Lorelei across the ring all while clawing at her arms. Fortunately for Lorelei, Sophie sneaks behind Morgan and rolls her down with a school boy.. Lorelei makes a fast count ONE! TWO! Morgan kicksout, and immediately rolls to her feet. Sophie pounces on her with rapid fire jabs that back the petite lovely into the corner. Several more jabs land against Morgan’s face, before Sophie whips her across the ring to the opposite turnbuckles. Morgan’s back smashes into the hard ringposts, but that’s the least of her worries with Sophie barreling down on her. Morgan makes a panic dive out the way at the last possible moment, and Sophie is left to crash violently into the posts. As Sophie is forced backwards Morgan is able to elevate herself onto the second turnbuckle. She then flies off, catching Sophie’s head and bringing her to the mat with a flying face crusher. Morgan takes another run off the ropes, timing her return to meet Sophie as she rises. Upon nearing the French champion, Morgan leaps into the air and grabs onto Sophie's chocolate colored hair for another face crusher. COLE With such a small body, Morgan is sometimes like a pinball, bouncing from place to place, she’s hard to keep track of sometimes. Just as soon as Sophie hits the mats, Morgan is taking another run against the ropes. Coming back to Sophie's downed body, Morgan jumps high for an elbow strike. But Sophie moves out the way and Morgan's arm crashes into the rock hard canvas. COLE High risk low reward play for Morgan! Annoyed by her folly, Morgan kips up and immediately starts throwing strikes at the champion. Sophie begins firing her own punches, but her flurry is cut short with a knee to the stomach from the challenger. Morgan takes a moment to catch her breath, and wraps her arms around Sophie's waist. She flips her through the air, before dropping her on her back with a devastating hold. Morgan maintains the hold on Sophie's body so that she may bring her opponent to her feet. With a giant heave and a surge of energy, Morgan is able to once again flip Sophie over to the canvas. Not content with just two deadly attacks, Morgan hauls her foe off the canvas and repeats the same lethal process. Morgan then makes another run of the ropes. She surges forward with full power, and plants a platform boot right into Sophie's back. The champion howls in pain, gritting her teeth to stomach the agony. COLE You look at Morgan's body and you think this girl couldn't be very strong, but the truth is Morgan has a lot of power in that body. COACH Super power! Melody says he has a primary mutation of electrical generation and a secondary mutation of super strength. That ain't fair, she gets a secondary mutation and my power is attracting your bitch ass every Thursday. Sophie manages to stand up on her own accord, but that’s nothing more than a fleeting victory as Morgan traps her inside an abdominal stretch. Sophie hollers her pain as loud as her voice can manage, as Morgan tightens the hold with a vacant expression. COLE Sophie’s a thin girl, so there’s not a lot to be stretched, but Morgan is doing some damage. The damage comes to a halt, when Sophie uses all of her strength to lift Morgan’s light body and hip toss it over to the canvas. Sophie then bounces off the ropes, and springs high into the air for a body splash. But Morgan tucks her knees into her chest and Sophie smashes against them. “OOOOOOOOHHHHH!” the fans react as Morgan quickly leaps to her feet. She delivers several stomps to Sophie's head before pulling the French champion to her feet. Sophie combats Morgan's grip with punches aimed at her ribs. But Morgan fights past them in order to tuck her head between Sophie's arm. Several seconds later Sophie is thrown to the canvas with a release Northern Lights suplex! She tries to make a quick return to her feet, but this is halted by Morgan landing a basement dropkick against her head. COLE That had to hurt! Morgan keeps her same empty expression as she attempts a cover…. ONE! TWO! Morgan lifts Sophie’s head off the canvas! Lorelei is momentarily stunned by this action, but recovers to warn Morgan about any tricks she may consider performing. Morgan ignores this warning as she pulls Sophie up to her feet by her tanktop. She situates the champion in between the second and third rope. That’s an action that creates a stirring of nervousness in Lorelei’s mind. The nervousness is well founded; Morgan begins choking Sophie against the ropes. The pain is written across Sophie’s agonized face, but there’s still an absence of emotion on Morgan’s. COLE Lorelei has to step in and do something. COACH Yeah or its her job, and Lorelei is too beautiful to fire, Mikey. COLE Who would give CMJ thousand dollar makeovers he neither wanted nor needed, without her? Lorelei eventually has no other choice but to yank Morgan away from her rival. The audience expects fireworks of a violent sort. Yet they get none of that. Morgan simply stalks a circle around Lorelei, gazing at her with empty eyes. Even as she throws Sophie to the ground with a hair pull she still keeps her blue eyes locked upon Lorelei. COLE Those two were best friends, and tag team partners, and now Morgan acts like she doesn’t even know Lorelei, and Lorelei acts like Morgan stabbed her in the back! COACH Which she did. Can’t leave a sister for a man, unless that man is Da Coach and then that man is a god. Word to Theology. Sophie tries to use the ropes that once tormented her as an aid to return towards her feet. But the Inspector rushes to her and slams her bare shoulders into Sophie’s head. As Sophie lies on the mat in agony, Morgan goes back to stalking around the ring, muttering inaudible words to herself. Continuing her strange self-talk, Morgan runs back to Sophie and rather harshly brings her upright. She then turns a stone face onto Lorelei while she tangles the champion into another abdominal stretch. Rather than rely on the simple submission hold to defeat Sophie, Morgan begins pumping elbows into her ribcage. A repeated succession crashes against her side, yet Sophie remains firm and unyielding. Her determination pays off, and she’s able to break free of the menacing hold. COLE Sophie broke the hold! Despite having her submission ruined, Morgan stays on the offense with a flurry of punches that scrape across Sophie’s face. She then grabs onto Sophie’s wrist and throws her into the ropes. But the French champion returns to take to the skies and strike at Morgan with a diving lariat! But Morgan ducks it and Lorelei is the one struck by the errant attack! “OOOHHHHHHHH!” Not as fragile as your typical referee, Lorelei is back to her feet within seconds. She seethes with incredible rage over the strike, and makes movements to the edge of the ring to call for a DQ. This plan of action is of no pleasure to Morgan, who finally shows a hint of emotion. Unfortunately that emotion is rage and its directed at Lorelei. As soon as Lorelei reaches her destination she can feel the ground being taken from under her and her body levitate into the air. This is because Morgan is lifting her onto her shoulders in a standing fireman’s carry. COLE She wouldn’t! She would and does, dropping Lorelei onto the canvas with a Shock and Awe (FU)! Sophie stands dumbstruck over Morgan’s actions, unsure how to proceed. Morgan has no such uncertainties as she grabs Sophie onto her shoulders and throws her down with another Shock And Awe. A pin is made, and soon a referee is running to the ring to make the count… ONE! TWO! Morgan ends the pin doing such so that she may ATTACK the referee! COLE What is going on here? Morgan grabs the referee and painstakingly hauls him onto her shoulders. Moments later he’s laid in the pile of bodies by the Shock and Awe! Another referee is already rushing down the entrance ramp, presumably to score the DQ. But as he enters the ring he’s pounced on by Morgan who moves with the tenacity of a jungle cat. She hammers him with punches and forearms, until he begins to stand up through her barrage of attacks. This merely leads Morgan to take him onto her shoulders and offer him the same shocking and awing fate as his fellow officials. COACH Oh shit, this chick bodying niggas twice her size! Morgan leans over the ropes, expecting more referees. But as she turns around, she’s captured with an inverted diamond cutter (attacker leaps face down instead of face up) by Sophie! The French champion hooks Morgan’s legs, and sure enough another referee enters the ring. ONE! TWO! Morgan kicksout! She quickly rushes back to her feet, but is thrown into the corner by an Irish whip from Sophie. Morgan lands hard against the ring posts, and Sophie comes charging in after her. But the cute Nerdly girl gets her platform heels up and tags Sophie in the face. As Sophie staggers away from the posts, Morgan follows her, rushing to try and hit a face crusher. But Sophie sidesteps her and pushes her towards the referee. Fear registers on the official as Morgan immediately takes him onto her shoulders. With all the might in her little body she slams him next to the other referees. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” the OAOAST Marks shout, having found pleasure in Morgan’s rampage. Sophie is back on her feet, and ducks a lariat from Morgan. The champion runs to the ropes and comes back to take Morgan off her feet with a running dropkick . Morgan gets right back up, but is put right back down with a snap suplex. Sophie then floats over into a cover. “OOOOHHHHHH!” the fans murmur as another referee makes their appearance. But this is no ordinary official this is HeldDOWN~! GENERAL MANGER JOSIE BAKER! Immediately upon entering the ring, Josie makes a lightening fast count for her cousin… ONETWOTHRE-NO MORGAN WITH THE KICKOUT! Josie can’t believe that Morgan found her way out the pin, and suddenly becomes highly alarmed. Her fright only increases when Morgan uses a double leg takedown to floor Sophie and begins twisting her into a liontamer! COLE Just like Leon Rodez! Unable to fully rotate Sophie for the dangerous submission, Morgan must settle for falling backwards and slingshotting her rival into the nearest corner. But much to her chagrin, Sophie’s tennis shoes manage to land her on the corner posts. She then flies from the corner posts and nails Morgan between the eyes with an axe handle smash. A pinfall is made and Josie performs and even fatser count… 123-NO MORGAN AGAIN KICKSOUT!!! Josie is again distraught and beside herself. She can do nothing more than encourage Sophie to keep hacking away at her toughest challenger yet. Sophie springs to her feet and works the up the already enthused and excited crowd. With the fans buzzing at a fever pitch, she turns back towards Morgan….and winds up in a standing fireman’s carry! COACH Here we go! The Shock and Awe is executed one more time, leaving Sophie battered and broken on the canvas. Showing zero emotion, Morgan drops down on Sophie and attempts a pinfall. Faced with an unfriendly referee, Morgan must endure an agonizingly slow count… ONE! TWO! COACH This is ridiculous! THREE! DING DING DING COLE She’s done it again! Morgan rolls off of Sophie, and only now looks at the carnage she causes. Her eyes widened with something that’s both horror and regret over her pile of corpses. She rushes to her feet, chewing on her hair again to calm her nerves. BUFFER Your winner and new OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPION….MORGAN NERDLY! COLE Morgan Nerdly is now a two time women’s champion and believe it or not she ties a record.

Makes Me Wonder plays and receives a great reception from the capacity crowd. D*LUX, wearing matching red denim pants and red denim jackets, stride onto the stage. Behind them comes the cheerleader dressed pair of sisters, Maya Duncan-Blanchard and Jade Rodez-Duncan. Together all four work up the roaring San Juan audience, the girls with their cheer routine, and D*LUX by hopping happily across the stage. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Now making their way to the ring from the state of Michigan, being accompanied by Maya Duncan-Blanchard and jade Rodez-Duncan, they are “Showtime” Shayne, “Tremendous” Tyler, D*LUUUUXXXXXX! Huge cheers go up for the teen idols, and they reply in kind by slapping hands down the entrance ramp. Behind them Maya and Jade continue to work up a crowd that’s already in a frenzy. COACH Man, all this cause Anglesault and Josie cowed to Krista’s demands and hired an 8th grader. “I’m in 9th grade!” Maya barks back. “9th grade, people!” COLE This all started because The Heavenly Rockers believed that the money used to pay Maya was taken out of Holly’s check, causing a contract dispute that’s ongoing to this very day. In fact some are saying Holly might very well sign with UFC to be an interviewer and highlight show host. After they enter the ring, Tyler stands atop the turnbuckles with arms raised, while Shayne stands next to him on the ring apron, clapping his hands and warming up the audience. COLE The confidence looks to be back for D*LUX, and they’ll need it against three time tag team champions The Heavenly Rockers. These two teams met each other on HeldDOWN~! Now minus Krista and Leon they’ll fight once more. [color="#FF0000"] [size=5][b]HEY! WAIT! I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT![/b][/size][/color] The San Juan audience has a compliant themselves, namely that they have no desire to see The Rockers. Multicolored spotlights swing across the entrance stage at a frantic pace. Logan strides out first, jamming on the air guitar, and wearing a black leather jacket and long leather pants with bloodied sword running down the right leg, and a crazed looking angel running down the left. Synth’s attire is more traditional with white tights with blue clouds and white boots and elbow pads along with his baby blue tinted goggles. Along with Abdullah and Logan, he prays for safety and victory in this upcoming bout. COLE The volatile kings of rock n wrestling are headed to what should be a violent culture clash with the all American teen idols, D*LUX. And in their corner the second generation stars of the Duncan Family. Its like the Patridge Family Vs the Osbourne Family. BUFFER And the opponents, they hail from Sin City, Nevada, and are three time tag team champions, being accompanied by the Speaker Of The Prophets Abdullah Abir Nerdly, they are SYTH ABDUAL JABBAR, THE MACHO MACHO MANN, LOGAN MANN, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! “This one’s for you, Holly!” Logan sings into a camera that follows his team down the ramp. COACH You know what this is also for? Maya costing Synth his chance at the world title only two weeks ago on HeldDOWN~! COLE The bad blood runs thick here at Angleslam. DING DING DING COLE Lots of bad blood in this one. COACH You just said that. COLE Burn in hell! Logan turns an evil eye towards Maya and Jade as he circles about the ring. Eventually he turns his stern glare onto Bryant. The Tremendous one returns the expression. Pushed to the edge by that non verbal taunt, Mann begins throwing his wicked left hands! He lands them with enough force and power that he’s able to back the super-hot teen idol into the ropes. Mann stalks the path he created, and leans into Bryant to throw him into the opposite ropes. When Bryant nears him, the MACHO Macho man swings out a lunging left hand. The blow narrowly misses Bryant, who bends his body around his foe. Behind Logan, Tyler has the advantage. As such he crooks Logan’s arm behind his, and slides the rockstar down into a backslide pin! Clem Buzzlefoxer scores the fall…. ONE! Mann kicksout, and mutters complaints about Bryant’s speedy nature. Logan decides its best to keep the boy toy grounded and locked down. This leads him to engage in a lockup with Tyler. Mann’s strength immediately overpowers Bryant and he pushes the lightweight into a neutral corner. The elderly referee calls for a clean break. However that’s an order heard and ignored by Mann, who slams repeated shoulders into Tyler’s lean midsection. Maya turns towards the crowd, and prepares to incite their enthusiasm, “ONE TWO THREE FOUR, WHO’S THE GUY THAT WE ADORE?” “TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” the teenage girls respond back in earnest. COACH She’s even better than her sister at the damn cheerleading gimmick. What won’t Jade fail in doing? Maya’s song replenishes Tyler’s fighting spirit, and he shocks his foe by rolling forward and pulling him down into another pinfall! ONE! TWO! Mann pops out the pin, looking perturbed that Tyler even had his shoulders down in the first place. Bryant feels a surge of confidence and waves on Logan to the crowd’s delight. Mann says thanks but no thanks and cowardly applies the tag with Synth. “HE’S GOT NO POWER, HE’S SOFT AS A FLOWER, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT LOGAN’S A COWARD!” Maya screams. “LOGAN’S A PUSSY! LOGAN’S A PUSSY! LOGAN’S A PUSSY!” the OAOAST Marks bleat. Maya listens with confusion, “I didn’t say that word!” Synth’s presence is immediately felt by Tyler as the drummer of THR smashes his face with a trio of elbow strikes. Tyler staggers back a few steps, but regains his strength and comes back with a left jab. But Synth blocks the strike with ease and responds with a headbutt that leaves an imprint of Synth’s goggles on Tyler’s forehead. “BOOOOOOOO!” COLE I’m with Puerto Rico, if you’re going to use those things as weapons you shouldn’t even be allowed to wear them. As far as I know Synth has no condition that forces him to wear gigantic snowboarding goggles. Synth traps his opponent inside a front facelock, and then lifts him up for a vertical suplex. But Tyler manages to slip out the hold and land behind Synth. Before SAJ can even react, the Tremendous one swings his arm around his neck in a headlock. This hold endures for only several quick seconds, and then Synth shoves his foe into the ropes. A blind tag is made by Shayne Brave, who climbs atop the corner posts. Synth keeps his focus on Tyler, dodging a lariat. But his dodge carries him directly into the missile dropkick from the adored grappler. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Great teamwork from D*LUX. They’re working like a well oiled machine once again, and credit goes to the Duncan girls. Jade and Maya cheer their boys on, as Shayne hops back and froth while waiting for Synth’s rise. Eventually he grows impatient of Synth’s stalling and starts to pull Synth upright by his goggles. Annoyed at someone touching his Oakley goggles, Synth attacks Shayne with a low blow. There’s an immediate admonishment form referee Buzzlefoxer, but Synth doesn’t give it a care in the world. Instead he lifts Brave up by the waist and gives him further misery with an atomic drop. COACH There goes the dream of millions of women everywhere. COLE I talked to confirmed OAOAST Mark Drew Barrymore, and she said Shayne is her favorite performer in the company. COACH Nigga, shut up, you didn’t talk to Drew Barrymoore, you didn’t even talk to your stank ho mama. Synth next latches onto Shayne’s arms, and with a mighty and angry roar strikes at Brave with a lariat. However Shayne ducks his head beneath Synth’s attacking arm, and drags him downwards with a neckbreaker. “THERE CUTE, THEIR SASSY, THEY’LL CHOP YOU LIKE AN AXE, THEY’RE D*LUX, THEY’RE D*LUX, GOOOOOOOO D*LUX!” Maya sings “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” Synth gets to his feet under his own willpower, but is immediately assaulted by overhand lefts from Brave. Having weakened Synth with these shots, Brave slams his knee into his chubby midsection, and then secures an underhook. Within seconds Synth is being brought to the canvas by an underhook suplex. A pinfall follows…. ONE! TWO! Synth’s shoulder comes off the canvas. The fans are displeased but D*LUX’s management team urges them to fight on. That’s precisely what Brave does as he takes hold of Synth’s arm and pulls him upright. But Synth begins walloping him with a barrage of punches, and finishes that flurry off with a discus elbow that floors Brave. While the fans’ worry over any damage to Brave’s handsome visage, SAJ retreats to his corner and slaps the outstretched hand of Logan Mann. “KNEES, SHOULDERS, HEAD AND TOES, RAISE YOUR HAND IF LOGAN BLOWS!” Maya screams, as a good majority of the audience raises their hand. Logan scowls at the unfriendly OAOAST Marks, a distraction that costs him when Brave dropkicks him in the back. Logan falls into the ropes, his face twisted by pain. Leaving him to grouse, Brave runs the ropes. But as he begins his return, Mann makes a recovery and comes charging at the handsome fighter. Brave, however, is well prepared for Mann’s arrival and slashes at Logan with a leg lariat. Continuing to cheer on the boybander, the crowd sings loud as Brave begins an assent to the top rope. Maya and Jade shout loud words of encouragement as he stands up to his full five feet and nine inches. With fans murmuring their amazement, Brave leaps forward with a picture perfect elbow drop. But the landing is far removed from perfection; Abdullah pulls Logan out the way and his opponent smashes his arm into the canvas! “OOOOOOOOH!” the fans react, taken aback by the gruesome miss. Logan is all smiles and goes for a pinfall on his foe…. ONE! TWO! Brave kicksout, which fills the fans with delight. COLE Shayne Brave can absorb all sorts of punishment, and still keep on fighting. Logan gets Brave to his feet and throws him into a neutral corner. The MACHO Macho man comes charging in, leaping through the air for a body splash. But Showtime slides down the ropes, causing Mann to crash stomach first into the turnbuckles. This pleases the OAOAST Marks, but annoys Abdullah who prays for Logan’s safety. Such prayers are unanswered as Brave throws the rock n wrestling legend to the ground with a back suplex! Mann is sprawled on the canvas, suffering through crippling pain. This gives Brave the moment he needs to get onto the second rope. From there he flies off his perch, extending both his legs and letting them slam into Mann with a leg drop! With the fans cheering and shouting, Brave hooks onto the legs for a fall… ONE! TWO! Logan kicksout. Abdullah is thrilled by that simple result, and offers prayers and tithing to the lord above. COACH I gotta say its been a very even match so far. COLE That’s right, no one has gained the upper hand. I think The Rockers need to use their brawling ability if they want this win. They’re better “fighters” than “wrestlers” Brave applies the tag with his Tremendous partner. Together they stand hunched over with eager eyes waiting for Mann to rise. Their patience is rewarded, as they’re able to rearrange Mann’s facial structure with double superkicks! “My lonlieness is killing me” Maya sings “I must confess I still believe, when I’m not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign,” “HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!” the sold out San Juan crowd sings. After Brave moves out the ring, Tyler hooks onto both of Logan’s leather covered legs for a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Mann throws his shoulder up, showing that he’s very much alive. “WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER!” the girls sing, led on by an enthusiastic Jade and Maya. Mann rolls to his feet, adjusting his baggy leather pants and shooting an evil stare at Bryant. The two ring warriors come together in the center of the ring trading shots with raw fury. But the wicked left hand of Logan is too much for Tyler to bear, and his knees buckle beneath their power. This leaves him defenseless and Logan is able to grab hold of his head, twist it around and sit out for a neckbreaker! Mann then instantly leaps onto Brave’s body and begins pummeling him with those dangerous left hands. COLE When Logan gets to firing left hands, that’s no one in the world who can really defend against them. At the referee’s demand, Logan ceases his punching and removes his opponent from the canvas. An irish whip sends Bryant across the ring. Coming back he leaps into a cross body block. However, Mann catches him in his arms. She shakes his head and offers the audience a cruel and infuriating smile, before swinging Bryant out for a modified neckbreaker. Bryant hits the ground with a hard thud, and hasn’t a moment to recover before Logan is battering his neck with stomps. Jade and Maya urge their boy to fight past the pain. But all looks hopeless when Logan drops a pointed left fist into Brave’s throat. COACH The Rockers are on top of their game. Set this boy up for a Percussion DDT and get some leverage to bring back Holly. Scrambling back to his feet, Bryant raises his arms to shield off any oncoming blows. But Logan hits with deadly precision, and his left hands cut right through Brave’s defenses. This forces Brave to be pushed into the corner, where Logan uses his leather boots and raised leg to choke the poor Detroit native. After receiving a generous five count from Buzzlefoxer, Mann ceases his dastardly choke hold. While Bryant hacks and wheezes like a chain smoker, Mann drags him down the ropes in order to work a double team. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” the audience hisses spurred on by Jade and Maya. Synth and Mann grab Bryant inside a double front facelock. Together they raise him into the air, before rushing downwards and slamming his neck into the canvas. Synth then leaves the ring, leaving Mann able to make the cover… ONE! TWO! The fans are overjoyed to see Shayne kick out the pin. “SHOWTIME! SHOWTIME! SHOWTIME!” they sing led on by Jade and Maya Back on their feet, the two grapplers trade punches. Once again the overwhelming power of Logan’s left hand wins him this battle. He forces him into a neutral corner, where Abdullah holds onto his ankle to prevent escape. Maya and Jade are furious as they can only watch Shayne’s stomach be mangled with hard kicks from Logan. After a prolonged beating, Logan removes Bryant from the corner and throws him into the Heavenly Rocker’s base. A tag is made with Synth , and the two begin scheming a double team. With plans set, The Rockers trap their foe inside a double facelock. Twin finger twirls of DEATH incite the crowd’s anger. With all of Puerto Rico against them, The Rockers happily fall backwards to plant Shayne with a double Percussion DDT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jade frets on the outside as Synth makes a cover…. ONE! TWO! Maya saves the day by putting Tyler’s foot on the ropes. “YEAAAAAAA!” COACH No fair! She’s cheating! She’s cheating! SAJ seems to agree with Coach, and chews out Buzzlefoxer for Maya’s interference. Next, Synth hammers Tyler’s back as the teeny bopper sensation begins to rise. Crippling his foe with those attacks, Synth puts himself on a run to the ropes.. When he comes back he strikes Tyler in the neck with a lariat! Bryant is thrown to the ground, and pains spread all throughout his body. His condition is worsened when Synth drops to his side and hooks on a reverse chinlock. “Yes, my child, submit and injure this pagan non believer!” Abdullah yells. Synth happily follows orders and rips and tugs at Bryant’s neck. On the ring apron Brave’s worry causes him to pace and back and forth. “Come on, Shayne, you can get out this!” Maya screams, earning herself a fierce stare from Abdullah and Mann. Tyler’s face screams agony, even as he tries to keep his hurt groans silenced. The pain is almost too much to tolerate, though, with Synth stretching and cranking out his neck.. COACH Even if he doesn’t get the submission here, this sets up for the Percussion. “Come on, guys, lets hear it for Tyler!” Jade shouts to the lethargic audience. Their energy suddenly surges, “LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER!” Abdullah tries to get the fans’ to fall silent, but all his pleas do is increase the enthusiasm of the chant. Tyler gets a boost of strength from the audience and finds the ability to begin rising to his feet. In response, SAJ attempts to tighten his hold in order to lock Bryant down. But, the teen idol begins throwing elbows into Synth’s ribcage. Those elbows play their role perfectly and begin weakening Synth’s grip. COLE Synth is desperately holding onto that chinlock. After several body blows land with pinpoint accuracy Synth has little choice but to relinquish the hold. But this only stirs anger and his heart, and it leads him to throw a wild lariat at Tyler. But Tremeondous Tyler ducks beneath the attack and rolls towards his corner. There his hand meets the outstretched hand of Shayne Brave for an important tag. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The moment Brave enters the ring, Synth descends upon him with overhand punches. But Brave easily blocks the attacks, and doubles Synth over with a boot to his pudgy stomach. He then whips Synth into a neutral corner and follows him in to strike him with a daring cross body block. The momentum of the move carries him outside of the ring, but he’s fortunate to land with his feet on the apron. However, Abdullah tries to hinder his offense by latching onto his ankle. Brave tries to shake the speaker for the prophets off, but its little Maya that rids Brave of Abdullah’s meddling by spearing him to the ground. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Oh my! Oh my! Free from Abdullah’s interference, Brave is able to climb up to the top rope. He waits for Synth to stumble away from the corner, before he dismounts. His legs stretch out and his feet strike his foein the back with a missile dropkick! The fans cheer as Synth topples over to the mat. Brave then hooks onto his left leg for a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! But Mann breaks up the pinfall! “BOOOOOOOOO!” The angry fans are quickly given reasons to cheer as Bryant runs into the ring to clothesline Mann over the ropes. The OAOAST Marks explode with pleasure as they watch the hated MACHO macho Mann take a nasty tumble to the outside mats. COLE So much for being MACHO! Mann hops to his feet, seething with rage, and ready for a fight. Brave brings a fight and a whole lot more to his opponent with a diving shoulder block from over the ropes. The two men crash into the ground, while the audience puts out huge cheers for the daring display. “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” COACH Its all up to Synth now. Come on, Synth! Boos ring out from the audience, and their eyes turn towards the entrance ramp as [b]HOLLY[/b] marches her combat boots down it. Jade looks panicked but Maya actually dares her to approach. “Whatever you say, brat!” Holly shouts. COLE This is a surprise, folks! This is a huge surprise! Holly moves faster and faster towards Maya, and her look grows more sinister with each step she takes. Jade realizes her younger sister will be in grave danger, once Holly nears her. As such the eldest Duncan girl charges at the Angel Of Death. But Holly meets her arrival, with a hard boot to the gut. Seconds later she crashes Jade’s head into the steel ramp with a Percusion DDT! Both the fans and the distracted referee admonish Holly. But the AOD couldn’t care less, standing over Jade and shouting to Maya that she’ll be next. COLE Unbelievable! She’s threatening somebody almost thirteen years her junior. COACH It ain’t nothing, I been smackin up 8th grade hos in Dairy Queen since 99. It dirty how them hos try to do me over a peanut butter blizzard. Inside the ring Synth has Bryant locked inside a front facelock, the set up for the Percussion DDT! But Tyler manages a surprise escape by lifting Synth onto his shoulders “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE These OAOAST Marks cheering for the Idolizer! [b]Vintage[/b] Tyler Bryant! Tyler prepares to sling Synth off his shoulder for the deadly neckbreaker variant. But before he can even start the motion, Abdullah strikes him in the face with the Holy Book! Both competitors fall backwards, with Tyler having a tougher landing due to him breaking Synth’s fall. The Synthmeister is no fool and quickly realizes he’s in a pinning position. He hooks Tyler’s legs and orders the referee to make the crucial count. ONE! TWO! THREE! COLE Damn it, no! DING DING DING “BOOOOOOOOOO!” the audience vocalizes their rage, as Synth and Abdullah make hasty retreats from the ring. On the outside they gather with Logan, who has joined Holly for a celebratory and rather R-rated liplock. COLE They stole one! The Heavenly Rockers stole this one right out of D*LUX’s hands. Despicable. COACH You just mad that Holly sonned you and your inside sources. Can’t wait to see her at UFC 102. Dumbass, you oughta drop dead. BUFFER Your winners as a result of a pinfall….THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! COLE I have a strong feeling these two teams are going to be continuing their rivalry for a long time to come.

Tony, I'll respond to your PM in due course.

Our string of excellent shows has ended! Ended with a whimper and not a horrific, embarrassing bang. I demand excuses and blame shifting at once! Especially excuses.