Patty O'Green

Tony, I'll reply to your latest PM in due course. COLE Folks its time for our arm wrestling challenge pitting Mister Dick, alleged owner of a super penis, against Biff Atlas, alleged owner of super strength. Right on cue, Biff bursts through the entrance doors and finds himself greeted by warm reception from San Juan. That could be due to his PRL t-shirt, but it could also be due to the fact that he’s just a lovable dude. Biff works the crowd up by raising the roof, apparently not realizing its not 2002 anymore. “WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?” He shouts “WOOF! WOOF! WOO-OOF!” Poor Biff. Poor out of touch with pop culture Biff. COACH This guy is biting off more than he can chew. At least he wasn’t dumb enough to have a match with Mister Dick. COLE Dumb? He won the last time they fought. COACH That was due to miscommunication from ThunderKid and Mister Dick. Any other time and Mister Dick mops the floor with Biff. Biff heads into the ring and proceeds to do elaborate, unnecessary, and utterly useless arm stretches. But, the audience loves every minute of it. COLE Let's not forget that Biff is a former body builder and power lifter. If he does have "super strength" its from his years spent toiling away inside gyms across Southern California. COACH This fool thinks he's on some Mohindir from Heroes shit, got super strength all of a sudden and wants to take on the world. [b][i]WOMANIZER, WOMANIZER, WOMANIZER[/i][/b] COLE The Urban Cowboy, The Human Hard On, Mister Dick making his appearance at Angleslam! There’s far less love from the OAOAST Marks for Mister Dick, glad in glimmering gold robe and silver chaps, and a leather clad Malaysia in bikini bottoms and a corset. Mister Dick twirls beneath the golden shower of pyro, before throwing off his sequined robe. He flexes his impressive muscles, hitting numerous poses all designed to intimidate the audience. COLE A slightly different look tonight for Mister Dick, bleaching his hair blond and letting it grow out longer. And yet he still looks like a sleazebag! The Urban Cowboy On dives into the ring, where he humps the mat while shooting titillated and aroused eyes at females in the front row Upon getting to his feet, Mister Dick procures a microphone. “BOOOOOOOO!” MISTER DICK Shadup, I ain’t talkin’ to none of ya’ll, just to Biff. Look at you, just look at you. You think yer some kinda god damn Superman? Yer Bruce Wayne now, is that it? You the Batman, boy? I think yer batshit and I ain’t got no respect for you, or your kin, you miserable creepy bastard. That’s what you are, ya hear me, boy? Creepy and miserable. BIFF A true hero never lets his villain rile his emotions. I stand firm against you. You will not intimidate me. MISTER DICK A true super hero blah blah blah, why don’t you just shut the hell on up! I called ya a miserable bastard because you is one. Yer a god damnded disgrace to the human race, and I hope the damn scoreboard falls on your body and kills you dead. Then when your mama is crying about you at yer funeral I just hope that lightning strikes that bitch dead. That’s what I hope, boy! BIFF Are you threatening me and my family? Do I look like the kind of guy you should be threatening? Well, do I? MALAYSIA :lol: MISTER DICK You look stupider than cow shit on a Christmas tree, boy! You ain’t no superpowered, super hero, and if you is, then that means I’m god himself because ain’t no way no how you’re stronger than me. You hear that? I am genetically superior to you! Strength wise,looks wise, and genital wise, and we can have a wrasslin match fer that last one to! COLE I can only hope! MISTER DICK Let’s get this crap started, I gotta be in the tanning booth by 9:30. Mister Dick tosses the microphone away, not caring who he nearly hits with it. He keeps his blue eyes locked onto Biff, as he nears the arm wrestling table. Biff remains calm and unafraid, and stretches his muscles. MISTER DICK I see you ain’t got super speed. Get to the god damn table! Biff sneers at Mister Dick for his lack of manners. He decides to teach etiquette lessons another day and slides to the table. Both men look into each other’s eyes, staring stares of anger and violence. But before it can erupt in a full out brawl, the referee forces the two men to lock hands. REFEREE GO! There’s an immediate struggle as the ballet of movement strength begins. Both superstars wage a strenuous war, one that taxes every muscle in their body. COACH If Biff did have super strength, wouldn’t he be crushing Mister Dick by now? Though he’s not dominating the Human Hard On, Biff is firm control of the contest. The possibility of a loss frightens Mister Dick deep into his heart. It forces him to exert all his might to battle back against Biff’s assault. COLE Like I said earlier, Biff used to be a powerlifter and body builder, strength has always ran in his blood. COACH Yeah, its just intelligence that is out to lunch. “BIFF! BIFF! BIFF!” San Juan sings, giving Biff the added momentum he needs to push Mister Dick’s arm even closer to the table. Sweat rips a path across Mister Dick’s face, a product of his continual fretting over a loss. His worries are not unfounded; Biff continues to press his advantage, endangering Mister Dick’s hopes of a victory. COLE It could be over soon! And how would Mister Dick show his face to the rest of the Deadly Alliance if he lost this arm wrestling contest? We may never know the answer to such a question due to a panic filled Mister Dick ripping his hands away from his foe. As the crowd boos, Biff looks at Misetr Dick with confusion and a hint of anger. But, Mister Dick couldn’t care less about Biff’s emotions, and he leaps over the table to tackle the would-be super hero. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” The two trade hands on the floor, with Malaysia loving every second of the furious fight. Biff is able to use his (super?) strength to shove Mister Dick away from him. They both rise to their feet, and continue their crazed slug fest. Mister Dick resorts to using knees to attack his opponent. But Biff’s strong midsection reflects the attack, and he comes back at Mister Dick with more power than ever. COLE Its broken down here in Puerto Rico! Biff stands near the ropes ready to pounce upon Mister Dick. But the Cocky Prick moves much faster than his foe, and he strikes Biff in the face with a Stiff Kick. The blow upends Biff, and sends him toppling over the ring ropes. But much to his amazement and the fans’ he lands on his feet! Strangely Biff is tickled with delight and wonder at his soft and safe landing. Such a harmless fall can only be attributed. BIFF I….I…I…I CAN FLY!!!!!!! That mantra is chanted by Biff as he runs up the entrance ramp, eager to share his good news with Vinny. MISTER DICK <_<

Hey, at least it went up on Thursday!

Pretend KC didn't forget and I'm not too tired to write entrances! Leon hangs back on the apron, making no effort to communicate with his partner. So The Heavenly Rockers work it out between them for Synth to start. *DINGDINGDING* On the other side, it's Shayne starting out. "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" The action delays though as the crowd get on Leon's case. He scowls to himself but doesn't react and eventually Synth and Shayne get down to business. Circling the ring, they go to lock up... but Synth reaches out and gouges at Shayne's eyes!! Clawing at the face Synth backs Shayne right back into the corner and allows Logan to tag himself in, The MACHO Macho Mann going right to work with bodyshots. COACH Here we go! Sweet, sweet revenge! COLE Logan Mann, absolutely raging earlier tonight! And now look at him take his frustrations out on Shayne Brave, wasting no time! Logan stomps Shayne down in the corner, the referee desperately trying to prise him away. Shrugging the referee off Logan points a threatening finger in his face, before running back over to Shayne. Pressing his throat on the middle rope, Logan stands on the bottom rope and chokes Shayne with his other foot. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Logan steps down just as Tyler comes in, the distraction allowing Synth to take over the choke, all the while Leon looking on. COACH The Heavenly Rockers ain't playin' tonight Cole. The OAOAST done them wrong. D*LUX done them wrong. The Duncans done them wrong. Dragging Shayne out of the corner, Logan scoops and slams him in the middle of the ring. With a disgusted look on his face Logan then places his boot and rakes Shayne's face! Logan turns his anger on Krista, a finger stuck in her face, which very nearly gets bitten off if not for a quick reflex. COLE We've known for a long time, Logan has a short temper. Volatile at the best of times. But the past few weeks we've seen Logan at his most volatile. COACH Can you blame him? COLE I can understand why he's angry, but the man is a ticking timebomb. Tag is made to bring Synth back in. A little more in control of his emotions, Synth measures Shayne and delivers a kneedrop. Cover... 1... 2... No. Shayne tries to get to his corner but Synth cuts him off with a front facelock. KRISTA C'mon Alix, I believe in you! JADE Uh... Mom... KRISTA If I pretend that he's Alix I can also pretend he might actually succeed. With Krista sort of but not really believing in him, Shayne gets back to his feet and starts firing punches to get out of the front facelock. Once he's free Shayne goes for the tag... but Synth catches him and carries him away, dropping Shayne chest-first to the mat. As Shayne gets up clutching his ribs, SAJ comes off the ropes with a lunging clothesline and goes for the pin... 1... 2... No! Synth runs Shayne face-first into the turnbuckles and delivers some right hands. KRISTA Are you two just going to stand there all match? Call yourself managers? What do you think I hired all of those cheerleaders to come over to our house and train you for? MAYA To test out your new binoculars? KRISTA Exactly! But that doesn't mean you couldn't have learnt something while I was doing it. You know, make me feel a little less guilty about paying these impressionable people? Do some jumping jacks or something! Obedient daughter to the last Maya obliges. Jade kinda does one, very unconvincingly. And amazingly, that's enough to get Shayne back into the match, as he avoids Synth's charge in the corner and clocks him with an enziguri! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Maya, earning her money and making the difference in this match! COACH Oh come on. She's thirteen! If you're using a sliding Duncan scale then sure, she's not the most useless one of the bunch, but you can't believe that that money shouldn't be being spent on Holly instead. Shayne manages to find his corner and dives, making the tag to Tyler, to a roaring cheer! Leaping into the ring Tyler knocks Synth down with a clothesline. And another one. Logan rushes in to help his partner, but catches a right hand and is clotheslined up and over the top by The Tremendous One! Feeling good, Tyler then catches Synth coming at him with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! The jumping jacks are no longer forced now, Maya as excited as every other D*LUX fan in the arena. COLE You can't deny this new management set-up of Jade and Maya has turned D*LUX's careers back around after... well... COACH After their mother ruined it? Just like Leon's been talking about this whole time? COLE Well, yes. Waiting for Synth to get to a knee, Tyler throws the Shining Enziguri, further scrambling Synth's brain. Cover by Tyler... 1... 2... Kickout! Tyler irish whips Synth, sending him into a neutral corner. Playing to the fans, Tyler delivers a running back elbow up against the turnbuckles. Sensing the match going her team's way, Krista feels comfortable dropping off of the apron and going under the ring, pulling out a glossy catalogue and summouning her two daughters. KRISTA Now, this is the coffee table I was thinking of buying. Apparantly it's antique pine... MAYA Hmm... Meanwhile, in the ring, Tyler scoops Synth up looking for a slam. SAJ floats over the top and lands behind Tyler, then runs him in the direction of Logan who has jumped to the apron... but Tyler gets the first shot in, knocking The MACHO Macho Mann off the apron! A back elbow then subdues Synth. With another call-out to his screaming fans Tyler turns and looks to hit the ropes. But as he does, Leon Rodez takes a swipe at him from the outside! It doesn't connect, but his former friend staring at him proves enough to distract Tyler and allows Synth to attack with a high knee to the back!! Tyler spills out of the ring through the ropes, to an uncaring reaction from Leon. COLE Come on, Leon from the outside with the distraction! Causing problems wherever he goes, as always! The one Duncan paying attention, Jade, points out what happened and Krista goes to get into the ring. All she succeeds in doing is taking the referee, while Logan runs around the ring... *THUD!* ...and hurls Tyler into the steel ring steps!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Shayne runs around the ring after Logan, the match threatening to break down all over the place. The referee struggles to keep up with who's doing what and tries to put Shayne back to his corner. COLE Shayne doing his partner no favours, but he's seen enough of this attack on Tyler. Logan stands over Tyler on the outside. But before he can attack, Leon drops off the apron. There's a tense face-off between the team-mates, Leon standing his ground until Logan backs off. At which point, Leon drags Tyler off the ringside mats and tosses him back into the ring for Synth. COLE Look at that, nothing but contempt for his former friend, as if he were a completely stranger. COACH To be fair, he shows strangers contempt too. Picking Tyler up off the mat, Synth delivers a vertical suplex and covers... 1... 2... No! Tag made to Logan. COLE The Heavenly Rockers back in control and all Krista can do is look on so far. Double irish whip sends Tyler to the ropes, a punch to the gut from Synth setting him up for a running kneelift by Logan. Logan immediately drops to his knees and chokes at Tyler. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Logan releases the choke and hooks the leg... 1... 2... No! Bringing Tyler back up by the hair, Logan turns to his corner and offers the tag to Leon Rodez. Leon stares back for a couple of seconds, before slapping the hand. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE In comes Leon for the first time in the match and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, up against his former friend, his former 6-Man Tag Team Championship partner. Leon strolls in and waits for Logan to let go of Tyler, then immediately slugs him in the ribs with a bodyshot! Lining him up, Leon slugs him with another bodyshot. Before taking Tyler by the head and running him into the turnbuckles. Tyler falls down in the corner and again there's a moment of contemplation, before the foot is placed against Tyler's throat! COLE Look at this! Just a blatant choke, a compassionless choke! Walking away from the corner Leon makes eye contact with Krista, who snarls back. Eventually Leon turns away from the World Champion and back to Tyler, who gets crushed in the corner with a Superman Spear!! COLE You can just feel the hatred simmering between Leon and Krista. What a fight that's going to be this Sunday night for the World Title! Leon brings Tyler out of the corner, slow and methodical. He elevates Tyler up into a fireman's carry, throwing him down onto the knee with a gutbuster! Tyler kicks his feet in pain as Leon forces him to the mat... 1... 2... No! Eyes narrowing Leon backs up and raps Tyler's ribcage with a cruel soccer kick. COACH For all the friends and all the fans he's lost, that's what Leon's gained. A killer instinct. COLE I don't think that's a trade-off to be proud of quite frankly. Tyler rolls over to the bottom rope in pain. Walking over, Leon stands on the back of his head for a few seconds, until Tyler is able to roll himself underneath the bottom rope. Leon holds his hands up innocently and backs away, in no small part to distract the referee while Logan Mann goes to the floor and runs Tyler backfirst into the ring apron. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And Logan and Synth, the wily veterans, are going to take every opportunity and shortcut presented to them. Dumped back inside Tyler tries to make a crawl for his corner, despite the pain racking his body. As he crawls over towards his partners, his former partner appears in his path. And Leon just watches the crawl, allowing Tyler a little hope, to get within touching distance, before he drags him away by the ankle. COLE That's what else Leon has 'gained' recently. This manipulative streak, playing with people's minds and emotions with his warped view of life. Having played with Tyler enough, Leon makes the tag with Logan. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Maya leads the crowd, trying to get Tyler going. As The Tremendous One gets back up, Logan takes a couple of steps back and aims a bionic elbow. Tyler is sent staggering back into a neutral corner and Logan motions to the crowd, loading the elbow up again. As he charges though, a drop of the head by Tyler elevates him over the ropes. Logan manages to land on the apron and Tyler's window to his corner is cut off by two handfuls of hair. COLE So close, he's a few extra dollops of hair gel away from a tag! With his roots holding firm Tyler is forced to turn around and start laying into Logan with right hands, trying to get him to break his grip. Logan eventually does, but catches Tyler with a knee through the ropes, before hanging his neck across the top rope. COACH Logan going up! Logan starts to climb the turnbuckles as Tyler gets up, but soon finds a problem. Because Krista is furiously, and yet at the same time very nonchalantly, shaking the top rope. LOGAN HEY, KNOCK THAT OFF! KRISTA (still yanking on the ring rope) Knock what off? Not wasting his time getting into an arguement with Krista (because let's face it, we all know how that turns out for people) Logan carefully steps over the top rope and onto the middle. He then goes for the double axehandle... but gets caught with an inverted atomic drop on the way down! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" While Logan is captured by his searing pain, Tyler dives forward makes the tag with Krista. “YEAAAAAAA!” Krista enters the ring and ponders Logan’s fate with a curious expression. KRISTA To humiliate or not to humiliate that is the question. LOGAN “Screw this shit!” Logan raises his arms for a lariat. KRISTA Logan, honey, your epidermis is showing. LOGAN What? Shit! Obviously distraught Logan looks down for that magic body part known as the epidermis. SUPERKICK BY KRISTA! KRISTA Sometimes the oldies are the goodies. Krista steps on Logan’s chest for a very arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! But Synth shoves her aside! This brings Shayne Brave into the ring and he begins firing right hands at the Synthmeister! KRISTA Good job, honey, you do that and I’ll be over in the corner doing better things…like inflicting Jewish guilt on my daughters. How come you never let me meet your friends, Jade? Are you embarrassed of me? I carried you in my womb for 9 months. 9 months of hell! Meanwhile Shayne attempts to irish whip Synth into the ropes. But the rock n wrestling legend reverses the hold and sends his foe into the cables. Shayne comes flying back with a cross body, but his limber figure is caught within Synth’s strong arms. A smile crosses Synth’s face, and he then swings his opponent out to his side and drops him with an urange. KRISTA Must I do everything myself? Hmm…funny that’s what Alix often says to me in the bedroom. Krista attacks Synth in the middle of his unwarranted celebrations. He fights back though with right jabs, weakening her off to shoot her into the corner. The fitness queen stumbles towards the center of the ring, and Synth zips by her on a run to the ropes. But she surprises him with an amazing burst of life, striking his head with an enziguri! “YEAAAAAA!” The OAOAST Marks sing as Krista takes a run of the ropes. Synth begins to sit up, collecting his scrambled brain. But his task is ruined as Krista runs her knee through his head. The fans are delighted but Leon is most certainly the opposite. As such he lashes a forearm into Krista’s back. However, he can do no more damage than that as Tyler Bryant hits him with a lariat that carries them both out the ring. COLE Its breaking down here tonight! Both Leon and Tyler rise to their feet, and begin trading powerful punches. The upperhand goes to Bryant, and Leon is forced to find a new tactic. This sees him grab Tyler by the neck and throw him into the nearby ring steps. COLE Come on! Enough damage has been done for Leon’s sake. He retreats up the ramp scowling to himself as he watches Logan begin his fight against Krista. COACH Is he leaving? COLE I think he is. The Rockers are left to their fate! And its not a pretty fate as Krista backs away from Logan to swat Abdullah off the apron. Using his manager as a distraction Logan leaps towards Krista as she turns around for a tornado Percussion. But that move meets with failure as Krista succeeds in shoving him away. Mann bounces against the ropes which spew him back into a KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Krista hooks onto both his legs for the pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” BUFFER Your winners the team of D*LUX and KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!! The good guys celebrate their victory by jamming on the air guitar above Logan’s fallen body. COACH Damn, what they doin is cold. Ice cold, Cole. Ice cold. COLE Krista and D*LUX successful tonight but will the same hold true at Angleslam? Leon watches from the top of the ramp with rage burning in his eyes. FADE OUT

OAOAST HeldDOWN, Angleslam retrospective! COLE Folks tonight is a night of Angleslam celebration. We'll be showing you some of the legendary matches that have occured over the years at this gigantic OAOAST Event. COACH Word be, this shit is like Cole's mama pussy, hot and juicy! COLE Uncalled for. We'll top the evening off with a six person tag featuring world champion Krista Isadora Duncan and number one contender Leon Rodez ANGLESLAM 2003 Zack Malibu Vs Calvin Szcehstein COLE Indeed that match made a star of Calvin Szechstein, albeit a short lasting one, as he was out of the OAOAST in a year. He was deemed expendable as newer stars began to rapidly develop. COMMERCIAL

ANGLESLAM 2006 COLE Reject might want to watch that match to see how he can deal with Tha Puerto Rican. Because the former world champion, the Latin Lion is coming back with a vengance in his home country of Puerto Rico. I can't wait! Backstage Maggie Nerdly is with Biff Atlas. MAGGIE What's up ya'll, It girl on the scene with Biff Atlas. At Angleslam you've got this big arm wrestling match. Why would you accept the challenge of someone like Mister Dick. BIFF With great power comes great responsiblity. I'm sure you've heard that line before. I've been given great power- MAGGIE Um, what'd that be? BIFF Super strength! MAGGIE Um.....okay. BIFF The ability to do feats that elude common man! I didn't ask for this power. I never went out seeking it either. It came to me, and it chose me. Someone chose to bestow me with incredible might, and its my duty to protect those weaker than me from harm. MAGGIE But, why would you take Mister Dick's challenge, isn't he weaker if he ain't got super strength. BIFF He has something else, Maggie. He has cunning. He's a worthy nemesis, and a fine arch villain. But that makes him a horrible person. People like yourself aren't safe when he is around. Its dangerous in any city Mister Dick comes to. I can't let him terroize the good people of the OAOAST much longer. He hurt Tony and Vinny. That's two too many people already. I'm going to put a stop to him for the greater good of justice. MAGGIE Yeah, well, good luck, homie. COMMERCIAL Rise Aagainst-Re-education (through labor) To the sound of a heartbeat pounding away To the rhythm of the awful rusted machines We toss and turn but don't sleep Each breath we take makes us thieves Like causes without rebels Just talk but promise nothing else CMJ leaps off the turnbuckles and decimates Simon with a flying elbow! Tyler Bryant spikes Uno's head off the canvas with a violent DDT. We crawl on our knees for you Under a sky no longer blue We sweat all day long for you But we sow seeds to see us through 'Cause sometimes dreams just don't come true We wait to reap what we are due Spencer Reiger stands atop the highest turnbuckle and rips open his Ed Hardy jacket to reveal toned and chiseled abs. Maggie rushes across the ring and nearly tears through Holly with lethal spear. To the rhythm of a time bomb ticking away And the blare of the sirens combing the streets Chased down like dogs we run from Your grasp until the sun comes up Morgan fires a helpless and defenseless backstage worker. An emotionless look settles onto her face. We crawl on our knees for you Under a sky no longer blue We sweat all day long for you But we sow seeds to see us through 'Cause sometimes dreams just don't come true Look now at what they've done to you Overjoyed with the grand accomplishment of defeating Krista, Mister Dick raises his arms in pride and smiles to heavens, a thank you for his greatness. White needle's buried in the red The engine roars and then it gives But never dies 'Cause we don't live We just survive On the scraps that you throw away D*LUX nails twin planchas on Faqu and James Blonde. I won't crawl on my knees for you I won't believe the lies that hide the truth I won't sweat one more drop for you 'Cause we are the rust upon your gears We are the insect in your ears We crawl We crawl We crawl... all over you Jade pumps her fists in excitement after laying out Lorelei with a devastating superkick! We sow the seeds to see us through Our days are precious and so few We all reap what we are due Under this sky no longer blue We bring the dawn long overdue We crawl We crawl We crawl... all over you AUGUST, 31st THA PUERTO RICAN Guess who's back? Did you miss me? HAHAHAHAHA! FADE OUT

ANGLESLAM 2005 COLE Leon Rodez to this very day has never seen eye to eye with Christian Wright. Both men will be in action this upcoming Angleslam with Christian Wright tagging with Theodore Moneymaker against the Orange County Cobras and 2009 Manager of the year Molly Nerdly. Leon Rodez as we all know will be vying for his third world title against Krista Isadora Duncan and they'll both be in action later tonight. Backstage Terry Taylor is with Morgan Nerdly. TERRY Coming up at Angleslam, Morgan, you'll be hunting for women's title against Sophie. What are your thoughts ahead of the contest? MORGAN I don't want to talk about it. TERRY Are you nervous? MORGAN No, I'm not...I just don't want to talk about it. I'm not so into the whole stand and be interviewed business. What's there to say? I won a number one contenders match by beating my own family. Sophie gets title matches and special guest referees and anything she needs because her cousin is GM. I don't think I ever had anything like that. My family...they weren't much for giving or helping. You'd build a house of legos, leave it for a few minutes and come back to find MEL smashing it with a bat. When you have ten kids in one house someone's bound to be the neglected runt. That was me, I guess. Little Morgan Nerdly, she doesn't need encouragement! She doesn't need a helping hand! She's just a whiny brat! I'm used to not having the advantage. I learned when I was younger the world and the people in it were against me. This society is no place for someone like me, I know it. Honestly, I shouldn't even be here. I'm an outcast, and no one wants me to win the women's title. I don't even know if I want it back. But Leon says I have to get it, because it will strike in people's heart he says. I don't know what it'll do for me, I just want to be left alone for a little while. TERRY What about Lorelei DeCenzo as the guest referee? MORGAN I don't want to talk about Lorelei. I just don't. Unless you've ever accidentally hurt a friend and then had that friend completely turn on you, you just can't understand. I'm sorry, but you can't. And if that was your only friend....people have gotten hurt by me, but Lorelei was never supposed to be one of them. I just can't stop myself. No one can. COMMERCIAL

***CURRENT DAY*** BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the team of KOBE O’NEIL and OUTHOUSE JACK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jack pulls out the HUNTING KNIFE which thankfully is quickly taken from his possession. COLE Of all the nuts in the OAOAST, Outhouse Jack may be the craziest of them all, and that’s saying a lot! COACH I’ll be sure to tell him. Can’t wait to see what kind of boots he’ll make out of your skin. COLE “Shine” by Collective Soul hits and Team Heyross march to the ring, a blast of red, white and blue pyro shooting off behind them. BUFFER Their opponents are the current ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Team Heyross pose on the turnbuckles. COLE This Monday night in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Team Heyross will be defending their titles against the men standing by right now with these pre-recorded comments, Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr., the LDC Moneygang. OAOAST OAOAST COACH As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, Mikey Cole. COLE What arrogance on the part of the LDC Moneygang -- lighting up victory cigars already. They still must first defeat Team Heyross by pin fall or submission. A task easier said than done. * DINGDINGDING * Go-behind waistlock takedown by Benjamin on O’Neil to start things off. Benjamin then floats on top and delivers a suplex. He whips O’Neil into the ropes for a hip toss, then nails him with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK! COLE Pow! Right in the kisser! The champs tag and Benjamin executes a drop toehold as Moss drops an elbow off the ropes. The cover. ONE! TW-- NO, SAVE BY OUTHOUSE JACK! So enraged by his partner’s lack of success, Jack ATTACKS him! COACH You know, maybe you were right about Jack, Cole. The guy’s a madman. Jack slams O’Neil near their corner and tags in, then dumps him over the guardrail! COLE Is the referee gonna let this match continue? COACH Why wouldn’t he? Jack tagged in legally. COLE Well folks, you never know what you’ll see at a OAOAST event. Jack circles Moss like he would a gator in the Everglades, then wrestles him to the ground! COACH Jack must think he’s outback in the Everglades, Cole. The two tangle for a bit until Moss puts his amateur wrestling skills to use and escapes. Moss hammers away, then fires Jack across for an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Jack pops to his feet and walks into a SUPERKICK that spins him around, allowing Moss to deliver a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!! Benjamin receives the tag and Team Heyross execute THE SUPER ROCKER DROPPER~!!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Cue the music and hand raising. COLE What an impressive outing for Team Heyross as they head into their big title defense Monday night at Angleslam. FADE OUT Cut to a black screen. We hear a single heartbeat. Followed by another heartbeat. And another. And another. We soon hear heavy breathing. Images quickly flash on screen, too fast to be identified by the human eye. We hear a crowd cheering. The heartbeats get faster. And faster. And faster. The images stop being a blur. They soon become clear. They are images of Tha Puerto Rican in action. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican posing in front of a gray background wearing his trademark Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, earring on his right ear, gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned white $500 shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. Tha Puerto Rican does The People's Eyebrow to the camera. More images of Tha Puerto Rican in action are shown. The heart is beating as fast as it can now. The heavy breathing is as loud as it can get. The crowd is screaming as loud as it can. NARRATOR Coming soon...the return...of The Most Electrifying Man In Professional Wrestling. The images, the heart beating, the heavy breathing, the crowd cheering, they all climax all at the same time. Darkness. There is silence for a few seconds. But then, we hear... "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing. The gold Latin Lion logo flashes across the screen. THA PUERTO RICAN MAKES HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO THE ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD IN HIS HOMETOWN OF SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO AT ANGLESLAM! The OAOAST AngleSlam 2009 logo appears on screen. MONDAY AUGUST 31ST 8:00 P.M. EST/5:00 P.M. PST LIVE! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW Call your local cable or satelite operator to order now! angleslam.oaoast.com COMMERCIAL

COLE Speaking of The Rockers Angleslam 2004 really put them on the OAOAST radar. They faced another young and up and coming team known as Chicks Over Dicks. Five years later these two teams have a total of ten titles and twenty Angle Awards between them. Never mind that 19 of those belong to Krista and Alix, just accept my point as being right. ANGLESLAM 2004 GOD DAMN THOSE WERE LONG ASS PARAGRAPHS! COLE It was only a year later when Krista and Alix embarked on a journey to master the craft of sonning bitch ass hos. Little did The Rockers know they'd soon be assigned a manager, a grumpy gruff girl who was the sister of HeldDOWN boss Northstar, named Holly. The rest is history. COACH Yeah and Holly is history thanks to Maya.

Backstage an interviewer who is not the hot Maggie Nerdly awaits his interviewees MATTHEWS Ladies and gentlemen, with me right now are The Heavenly Rockers... Into shot walk Logan and Synth, a very bitter looking Logan and Synth, along with their spiritual advisor Abdullah Abir Nerdly. MATTHEWS ...and I'd like to say that "the band's all here", but lately there's been a little something missing from the Heavenly Rocker equation. LOGAN YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING! Logan points his finger in a nervous Josh's face, before pointing it at the camera. LOGAN Everywhere I go, my wife follows, you understand me? Everywhere I go. When I wake up in the morning, she's right there beside me. When I step in the shower, she steps in too, saves on water, keeps the planet GREEN. When I step on the tour-bus she's right there behind me with the bags like it should be! And you had to ruin it, didn'tcha? Didn'tcha!? Abdullah steps in and the ranting Logan starts to pace around in the background. ABDULLAH The OAOAST has brought great disrespect towards The Heavenly Rockers on many occasions. But now, I say, they have gone too far! We are the three time Tag Team Champions of the World! And Holly-Wood, a former Women's Champion, a fine upstanding woman of high morals. Many years she has served this company. And what respect is she shown? Shown the door, so that a thirteen year old girl may replace her? LOGAN I DON'T MESS WITH NO THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS EITHER! ABDULLAH Brother Logan, please be calm... For you see Josh, this is the devil's work! And that devil is the master tormentor herself, Krista Isadora Duncan! This is one disgrace that we shall not stand for. At AngleSlam, we shall strengthen our bargaining position and we shall do it for Holly! We may not possess the high-powered lawyers of the Duncan family, nor their quick-witted charm. But we will get Holly back, by destroying those who are responsible for that young urchin's employment, D*LUX. SYNTH You know, I hear people saying this is a battle of rock versus pop. The boyband versus the rock n' wrestling band. But this goes far beyond that now. This is a battle of good versus evil. And the good shall triumph, so sayeth the great speaker... LOGAN What are you talking about!? WE'RE THE EVIL! Logan shoves Synth, before wheeling around to the camera. LOGAN WE'RE THE EVIL D*LUX! And this Sunday, you're gonna find out what happens when you and your pre-teen groupies mess with a MACHO Macho Mann's wife! Holly-Wood will ride again. Don't Fear The Reaper... fear the Rockers! WE'RE OUTTA HEEERE! Enraged, Logan pulls off his t-shirt and throws it right in Josh's face for no apparant reason other than he's mad. Abdullah and Synth follow, a little more thoughtfully, as we go back to the arena.

What city do we run out of? I've always wondered.

Sometimes I forget this entire fed was based on one man's undying love for an olympic gold medalist. I can't see the OAOAST being in Pittsburg, cause maaaaaaaaaaan if you went there you'd know...I always figured there'd be a development fed in Southern CA which would explain the massive number of characters from that region. Who owns the fed anyway? Anglesault?

Was shaq even in kazam? Normally I do research for Krista's bits, but I said fuck it and went off memory. Did that movie even exist? Sometimes I think I imagined it like Shaq-Fu and Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam and MJ Chaos in the windy city. When they gonna give my man Kobe his own game, put him on a quest to rescue rightful mvp trophies from evil villians Nash and Nowitzki. Then he can call on Gasol to come help him out like mega man used to call on rush the robot dog in those videogames.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: 8/21 First air date: 8/22 Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Theme song: (link now works!) ***Christian Wright Vs Eskimo Kid*** Match got off to quicker pace than normal as Wright wasted no time in pandering to his opponent’s skill set. The Natural brought all his high impact holds to the table, decimating EK. But the young Inuit held strong and fought back with quick strike based offense. However, Wright was able to adapt to this offense, and pummeled EK with more vicious attacks. The Kid tried to fight back but failed and was leveled by the Wright Off. That should’ve earned an easy three count but SIMON SINGLETON was standing on the ring apron, distracting the referee. This gave NED BLANCHARD the opening he needed to wack CW with a steel chair. He then planted EK onto Wright and when the referee turned around he counted a 3 count. The fans went wild for the shocking win. Winner: Eskimo Kid, via pinfall. Backstage ThunderKid was watching a replay of Mister Dick Vs Biff Atlas. The match in which a TK screw up led to Biff’s stunning upset. MD was lingering around, and became incensed that TK was watching the match, and not offering an apology. TK said he doesn’t apologize for incompetence and that MD should’ve kicked out. Mister Dick nearly attacked TK, but was settled down by Malaysia. She recommended that MD inflict physical and emotional pain on Biff in revenge. Her suggested method was an arm wrestling contest at Angleslam that could injure Biff and turn her on, as well as prove MD’s the better man and stronger grappler. Both TK and MD liked that idea, and a challenge was set to be issued. ***Mister Dick W/Malaysia Nerdly Vs Vinny Valentine W/Biff Atlas and Tony Tourettes*** Mister Dick brought fireworks to the match before the bell even rang, taking out Tony with a murderous stiff kick. Vinny tried to come to his cousin’s rescue, but MD would have none of it and began pounding on V-Squared. Inside the ring, Mister Dick nearly got a submission from a simple body lock. Vinny Valentine came back though with his boggie shoes and an assortment of chops. A top rope body splash, missed horribly and almost cost V-Squared the match. The two brawlers exchange punches for several minutes, but MD was able to secure victory with Pure Penetration (full nelson slam). After the match he and Malaysia attacked Biff Atlas, but were beaten away by pocket powerhouse, lending further credence to Biff’s claim of super strength. Winner: Mister Dick, via pinfall. ~MAGGIE NERDLY MELISSA NERDLY CHALLENGE SERIES~ Today’s challenge as officiated by Megan Skye was jump rope. Melissa nailed down a strong 109 jumps. Maggie was unimpressed, and quickly closed in on Melissa’s record. Rather annoyed by this, Melissa started to taunt Maggie, but this only motivated the girl to go faster. When Maggie crossed 100, Melissa’s face reddened with anger and panic. Unwilling to suffer another defeat, Melissa shoved her sister to the ground at 108 jumps. A full on cat fight broke out to please the crowd. But the happiest person in the arena was Melissa who won her first challenge. NERDLY CHALLENGE SCORE MAGGIE-2 MELISSA-1 ANGLESLAM 2009! ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS VS THE ENTERPRISE OAOAST TAG TITLES, LDC MONEYGANG VS TEAM HEYROSS OAOAST WOMEN’S TITLE, SOPHIE GREY VS MORGAN NERDLY OAOAST WORLD TITLE, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ ***RECENTLY ADDED*** ARM WRESTLING: MISTER DICK VS BIFF ATLAS REJECT VS PRL HEARTLAND TITLE, SANDMAN VS DENZEL SPENCER San Juan, August 31st I ruined my poster by changing Mister Dick's pic base. Foolish Patty. ***United States Title: ThunderKid Vs Jumbo*** Due to his massive girth, Jumo was able to own the early parts of the contest. He battered TK with powerful strikes, making the match look like it was headed for a squash. But TK managed to dropkick his large foe out the ring. Outside the brawl was more even as TK was able to use the environment to his considerable advantage. Eventually TK was forced to bring the match back inside. There he worked over Jumbo’s leg for several minutes. This kept the big man grounded for a short period. But Jumbo regained his strength and power and fought back against TK. The two went back forth, trading hands and kicks. Jumbo tried a push kick, but his boot was caught by TK. The United States champion dragged him downwards with an anklelock. Jumbo tried to fight out the hold, but had no other choice to tap out Winner: ThunderKid, via submission

lol, you aren't supposed to admit you're recycling, you have to do that on the humble.

Zack's promos are in the show, and they're worth checking out. Goods stuff.

OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE Sophie Grey Vs Morgan Nerdly with special guest referee Lorelei DeCenzo possibly D*LUX Vs The Heavenly Rockers, if KC would ever respond to PMs!!!!@!!!!!2weewdfjobeivjuv b!!1j2q!

Nice little show here

roger that

HEY! WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! With Heart Shaped Box comes Synth Abdull Jabbar and his spiritual leader, Abdullah Abir Nerdly. Dressed in the finest of robes, Abdullah leads the way while singing praises for himself and for his disciple. Wearing white tights with blue clouds, blue boots, and blue tinted goggles Synth twirls a drumstick behind Abdullah. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall for the OAOAST World Title! There is a time limit of sixty minutes. Now making his way to the ring from Sin City, Nevada, he is one half of the three time tag champion Heavenly Rockers, accompanied by Abdullah Abir Nerdly he is….SYNTH ABDUL JABBBBAAAAAAR. The horrible reception from the audience is greeted with a warm embrace by Abdullah who opens his arms wide as he enters the ring. Together he and Synth pray for their safety in this important contest. COLE With a world title match its almost like Synth is being rewarded for attacking D*LUX last week. COACH He’s being rewarded for being an upstanding employee for five years, a company man, a three time tag champion, and a spiritual healer. D*LUX has nothing to do with this. Gimme them bright lights, long nights High rise, overtime Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working 'till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world HUGE GIGANTIC CRAZY POP, YO! From the entrance doors emerges the always hot and sexy Krista Isadora Duncan. Today she represents the boys in the blue, with a blue ruffled mini skirt and Dodgers baseball jersey. Her dancers are dressed similarly in jerseys for every major league team. Not the Pirates though, they suck. Krista twirls through her beautiful dancers, coming to a halt at the center of the stage. She holds the title up with a fetching smile, and the crowd is whipped into a fanatical frenzy! BUFFER From Los Angeles, California…she is a New York Times best selling author, a Hollywood Walk of Famer, CEO of FIT with KID, a four time tag team champion, the 2009 wrestler of the year…YOUR WORLD CHAMPION MISS CALIFORNIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAAN! Krista strides down a ramp carpeted in glitter and gold, as though she wear on a Paris runaway. At the edge of the entrance stage she whips her head back, tossing her lovely locks and shows the camera another arresting smile. COLE Krista’s youngest daughter, Maya, a manager of D*LUX which caused their to be less money for Holly, resulting in a contract dispute that The Rockers are very upset with. There’s still no movement from Holly on her demands, and there’s talk she could sign elsewhere. Krista sends the viewing audience rushing for the Jergens and tissues as she shows off her ten million dollar legs by hanging upside down the ropes. Its only a mere tease though as Krista quickly flips herself into the ring where….she begins eating a candy bar? “mmmfffthismffffismfffgood!” She exclaims. “You all should have some.” “Hurry up wit dat, Candy Bar!” “I’m sorry, honey,its just that I didn’t get a chance to eat out the dumperster like you did.” Synth does not much appreciate the accusation that he finds nourishment out of a BFI canister, and for that reason comes charging at Krista. Miss California blocks any attack by hooking her arm beneath his and flipping him over with an armdrag. Synth attempts to scurry away but Krista locks him down with an armbar. “First developed by Atriums T. Barr, the armbar is the date rape submission hold of choice by sixty five percent of OAOAST wrestlers. I am not one of those, I prefer the simple pleasure of a sleeper hold, so I’ll release you, honey.” Synth’s arm is spared any more agony, but he’s still on defensive thanks to an irish whip from Krista. He nears her with elbows raised for a double strike, but she swings around his body, and hooks her arms around his neck. Gravity brings them both downwards, but its Synth’s who’s enduring the most pain from the neckbreaker. Despite this he’s back to his feet, and throwing hands at Krista. This does little good as Krista grabs onto his hands and looks at them with curiosity. “Hmmmmmm….my psychic palm reading tells me, a slap in the face is in your future.” SMAAAAACK! Synth reels backwards, clutching his face and shouting profanities at Krista. None of this, however, deters from performing a spinning handstand and kicking him square in the jaw! Synth falls backwards against the ropes, where he’s already breathing in exhaustion. Krista seizes on this wonderful opportunity and charges forward. But Synth has enough strength about him to back drop her over the ropes. But unfortunately for him the world champion comes down right on her heels. Synth spins around into a discus punch, Krista’s thousand dollar shoes send him stumbling backwards. She lifts up her skirt just a tiny bit and wiggles her ass at Abdullah “Sure you still want those 72 virgins?” Leaving Abdullah behind infuriated yet interested. Krista leaps onto the third rope, from their she springs forward and captures Synth into an inverted bull dog! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the fans chant, as Krista, ever the arrogant one, also chants for herself. Once done with her self congraglatory actions, Krista starts to bring Synth up from the mat. But he halts her attack by smashing his elbow into her ribcage. He then irish whips the world champion into the ropes. On her return he lashes out with a twirling lariat, but she slides through his legs and ends up going all the way out the ring. “Back, devil witch, back!” Abdullah shrieks. Krista ignores his complaint and reaches into the ring to grab onto Synth’s blue boots. With one quick tug, she trips him up. The Rockers’ drummer smacks his head off the canvas, and wails painfully as a result. Krista continues to torment him this time by tying his shoelaces together without him knowing. She dives back into the ring and happily leaps to her feet. Her hands fall around her baseball jersey’s buttons, and her lips read sultry fire. “Tell ya what, honey, you get to me in ten seconds and these are babies are all your’s” Foolish Synth. Unaware of his predicament and deeply intrigued by Krista’s offer he attempts to complete the mission. But as planned by Krista he falls flat on his face. “Give him a hand, everybody, he’s only half retarded.” Krista smirks. Sadly the referee backs her away while untying Synth’s shoes. COACH Dirty play by Krista. COLE Krista’s not the one that told him to lie there while his shoes are being tied together! Krista slingshots herself into the ring, landing on the second ropes nearest the turnbuckles. She then flips backwards with a corckscrew moonsault and comes down across Synth. As the fans cheer her showy moves, she attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Synth gets his shoulder off the mat. “BOOOOOOOOO!” ABDULAH Let my light guide you against the Jewish infidel, my child! None to pleased with being called and infidel, Krista swings her foot out at Abdullah. He’s barely able to avoid being struck, but he sees justice served as Synth ambushes her from behind. He batters her with elbows to her back, until she fights back with one that smacks against his jaw. While he reels backwards, Miss California leaps onto the third rope. She springboards back and connects with a knee directly onto his face. COLE A HARD shot by the world champion, Krista Isaodra Duncan. COACH She could’ve cracked his goggles! Head ringing and skull aching, Synth has no desire to continue fighting. Thus he rolls out the ring, and lifts up his goggles to rid sweat from his brow. Krista attempts to follow him out side with a baseball slide, but Abdullah wisely pulls him out the way. Krista skids across the outside ring mats, but is quick to scurry upright. This does nothing to aid her however, as Synth strikes the side of her head with a running kick. She slumps against the ring skirt, her face slack with hurt. This leads Synth to slam a roundhouse kick into the back of her head. COLE What strikes by Synth, so much power behind them. The course of this match may have changed. Abdullah and Synth push Krista’s limp body into the ring. The fans pound them with jeers and boos, but Abdullah focuses on providing Synth with spirtual guidance as it relates to this match. His next piece of advice is one that Synth eagerly follows, a sleeper hold that sees him wrapping his arms around Krista’s neck. Krista’s fetching face is contorted by the pain of the sleeper hold. Her eyes water and her breath is shortened, and Synth’s is overjoyed. COLE Both these competitors accomplished tag wrestlers, seven tag titles between them, but Synth has a chance to make his first mark in the singles world in a big way. COACH Looks like this sleeper hold may do the trick. The referee continues to check on Krissy, asking repeatedly if she wishes to surrender. She mumbles weak response, all she can manage due to the amazing pain. “Ask dis bitch, ask dis bitch if she quit!” The goggle wearing brawler shouts. Krista responds to his insult by giving him the middle finger. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” That one finger salute sends a surge of energy through Krista’s body and she begins a painful fight to get herself upright. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the fans cheer, aiding her fight. Much to Synth’s and Abdullah’s dismay, the beautiful champion forces her way towards her feet. Synth decides to release her in order to maintain control. He keeps himself on the attack with a pair of forearms to Miss California’s neck. Weakening her with those strikes, Synth is able to irish whip her into a far corner. He chases after her, rumbling ahead with full speed. But, Krista kicks her ten million dollar legs up and bats the 3 time tag champion away. This allows the fitness queen to scoot up onto the second turnbuckle. As angered Synth approaches once more, the blonde beauty throws herself forward with a flipping lariat that fells the devout Muslim. “Be strong, my child!” Abdullah advises with worry filling his voice. Krista hooks onto Synth’s legs for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! The Synthmeister kicks out at the last possible nanosecond. COACH Mikey, Synth’s gotta find a way to slow down Krista. He was doing it with the sleeper hold, but now she’s back to zipping all around the ring. Krista heads up to her feet, as Synth makes a slow and labored rise. She charges him, seeking to draw first blood. But the Synthmeister levels her with a spinning lariat! The crowd boos the vile assault, but Synth gives thanks to Allah for allowing him to use such a deadly strike. After getting in good with the lord, he attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista’s shoulders come off the canvas. “YEAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer. However their joyful mood is soon turned somber when the challenger traps the champion inside a chinlock. The pain is severe and its not helped any by Synth shouting into Krista’s ear demanding her submission. Eyes widened like a manic preacher, Abdullah leans into the ring and shrieks “God the most gracious, most merciful created women to be submissive to their male masters! You defile god with your resistance!” If Abdullah’s words are true, the lord must have hellish rage as Krista begins to agonizingly push herself upright. This effort is appreciated by the crowd but is ultimately futile thanks to Synth using his strength advantage to force her back downwards. Her teeth grind together in frustration and pain, as the Rocker violently twists her neck back and forth. COLE Synth is doing what you said he had to do, slow down Krista and keep her from running him ragged. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” “Supporters of Krista, you will not escape god’s wrath!” Abdullah shouts with a voice full of anger. Instead of god’s wrath the OAOAST Marks are treated to Krista making a valiant bid for her freedom. Her hands ram into Synth’s paunchy midsection, causing him severe agony. Abdullah shouts for his disciple to hold strong in the face of these blows. But his grip is weakened and the pain is increased with every shot. Abdullah’s eyes are overcome with horror as Krista easily beats away his hold. “Honey, unless you’re on a jelly and crack diet, there’s no reason you should be so flabby. I’m going to get you a free copy of my abs tapes, and all you’ll have to give me in return is your dignity, reason for living, and those goggles.” “No deal, bitch!” Synth screams and then spins around for another discus lariat. But his arm comes down across Krista and she uses that grip to shove him backwards into her outstretched knee. As he howls from the sharp pain in his back, the gorgeous fitness queen hauls him off her knee, in order to drive him into the canavs with a Flatliner. The fans celebrate with rousing cheers while she attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Abdullah rushes to Synth’s aid, putting the former tag champion’s foot on the ropes just mere seconds before the three count. COLE The OAOAST Marks aren’t liking that one, ad neither am I, but in the end that’s what a manager is supposed to do. Synth rolls back to his feet, making certain to put distance between he and the world champion. He pushes himself off the ropes and rushes to her with elbow raised. Krista ducks beneath that attack, and strikes her challenger down with a dropsault that impacts perfectly on the back of his skull. COLE What a shot! What impact from that dropsault! “Synth, honey, how ya feeling?” Krista wonders. Dazed, wounded and possibly concussed Synth replies, “I don’t have to go potty, I have a weiner, daddies have weiners, daddies have three legs.” 50 CENT Krista takes hold of the back of Synth’s goggles and uses them to drag the rockstar off the canvas. She throws him into the ropes. Abdullah makes an effort to grab his ankles, but he’s a second late and Synth is sent running back to Krista. Her lovely legs wrap around his neck, and take him on a dizzying turn with a spinning hurricarana. Krista then pleases the audience with some booty shaking KRISTA Once that’s over Krista flips through the air with a 450 splash that comes down on Synth’s flabby stomach. The referee drops to his knees and counts the resulting pinfall… ONE! TWO! Synth lifts his shoulder off the mat, disappointing a crowd that was certain a three was coming. Having been so close to victory, Krista resolves to finish Synth off and heads up to the top rope to do just that. Bending over to give the crowd as much a peek up her skirt as possible, Krista urges Synth to rise. Once he does that California beauty flies off the turnbuckle with a fantastic swanton press! She collides with Synth and the audience loudy salutes her death defying display. COACH Back to game plan, dawg! You can’t be letting her do these high flying tricks on you. Abdullah faces becomes ghostly white with panic as Krista attempts another pin… ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! SYNTH KICKS OUT! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” Though not at all pleased with the result of her latest pin, Krista clears her mind and focuses on the task at hand. She begins to pull Synth upright, but she’s stunned by him ramming his goggles directly into her forehead. Dizzied and nearly blinded, she’s easily picked apart by a torrent of forearms and elbows. Krista is out on her feet and left terribly weakened by his strikes. This permits the Synthmeister to crack a round house kick around her skull. She plummets downwards, the life all but sucked out her face. Assured that he has the world title in his possession, Synth makes a rather lax cover… ONE! TWO! Krista summons the strength and will to kickout the pin! The fans delight in this and chant her name with gusto. COLE I thought that roundhouse kick could’ve been it, but Krista comes through and hangs onto her world title. Using her vibrant golden hair as a leash, Abdul Jabbar roughly drags her off the canvas. He swirls his fingers through the air, drawing incredible anger from the fans, but also a joyful dance from Abdullah. COACH Percussion is on its way, Mikey! Synth traps Krista’s head into a front facelock as the crowd’s infuriation grows even louder. Krista battles with all her might to avoid the lethal finisher, thrashing her body inside Synth’s grip. This furious struggle bears fruit, and the fitness queen is able to shove Synth away from her. However her good luck ends at that moment; Synth comes back to blast her with a flurry of overhand punches. Krista is weakened by those shots, and her knees buckle under the fire. This enables Synth to grab onto her wrist and chuck her into the neutral corner. She has little time to mount a defense as Synth is already rumbling after her. He leaps forward and lands his slightly pudgy physique into her with a body splash! She stumbles out the corner, her breath labored and heavy. Weak, there’s nothing she can do to prevent Synth from bringing her down with a side Russian leg sweep. Synth drapes his arm across her neck for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! But Krista again ends the pin with a kickout. Thrilled by her fighting spirt the fans return to chanting her name. Confusion settles over Synth, leaving both he and Abdullah wondering how he isn’t world champion at this very moment. COLE Synth thought he had the pin on that one, but Krista never says die, she never gives up, and she keeps on fighting. Synth returns to his feet, tossing his messy hair out his face while cussing out the innocent referee. With eyes narrowed into hateful slits he watches Krista begin to crawl upright. When she’s only halfway off her feet, the goggle wearing brawler strikes at her with his usual mixture of elbows and punches. Next, he pulls her off the ropes and launches her across the ring. But upon her return she makes a surprising recovery that spurs her to twist Synth around with a tornado DDT! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream as both competitors lie exhausted across the mat. Synth, however, looks worse for the wear as his hands fall onto his ringing head. COLE Krista may have just turned this match around for good. Synth had no clue that tornado DDT was coming, and he got rocked. COACH Calm down, there’s no way Abdullah lets his disciple miss out on his chance to become OAOAST World Champion. Krista gets Synth off the canvas and places him ina side headlock. She then somersaults forwards, then falls down supine, using the momentum of the flip to twist Synth’s neck and back into the ground. The fans throw out more cheers, delighting in Krista’s signature hold. COLE Confessions of a Kristaholic! And there’s the pin… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Abdullah again places Synth’s foot on the bottom rope. The crowd is enraged by the speaker of the prophets’ interference, and Krista is as well. Thus they cheer her on, as she walks over to confront Abdullah. The two exchange heated words, with both of them threatening harm on one another. Abdullah’s threat is followed on, as Syth returns to club her in her back. His powerful blows move her away from Abdullah and towards the center of the ring. There she boots her in the stomach, and quickly snaps a front facelock around her head. The finger twirl of doom is given to the hissing audience. Their rage increases tenfold when Synth falls backwards and hits the Percussion DDT! COLE Oh my! COACH Big upset coming, Mikey. Big upset! ”SKY….HOOK….ELBOOOOOOOOOW!” Synth hoots to the booing OAOAST Marks, as his fingers point to the turnbuckles. COACH He’s going to end this match in style! Synth makes his way to the top turnbuckle, as Abdullah dances a dance of celebration on the outside, and the fans boo with all the power inside their vocal cords. Synth stands fully up, holding his arm in crooked position while Krista stirs on the canvas. COACH Get ready! There’s a sudden roar from the audience, one of immense pleasure. Synth’s confused eyes register impending danger. His premonition is correct; Maya Duncan-Blanchard emerges from the back. With shocking speed she’s atop the ring apron. This is disatrious for Synth; Maya shakes the ropes and causes Synth to fall crotch first on the turnbuckles. “PAGAN, NON BEILEVER!” Abdullah shouts and then yanks Maya off the apron! Maya lands on her feet, and because of this she’s able to knock Abdullah to the ground with a single punch! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Mark this date down, it will live on in fame as Maya’s first humiliation of an OAOAST star. COACH The first of many more. Synth can’t register the mayhem on the outside, all his eyes can find is Krista darting up the ropes. She leaps into his chest, with her arms wrapped around his head. She then falls backwards, pulling him along with her, and nearly driving her knees through his chest with the KIDology! COLE A top rope KIDology! So much for the upset, Coach. Krista hooks both of Synth’s leg for the pinfall…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! DING DING DING Krista rolls off Synth, and shines with a wide smile towards Maya. Her entrance music fills the air along with raucous cheers from the OAOAST Marks. BUFFER Your winner and still OAOAST world champion….KRISTA ISDORAAAAA DUNCAN! Maya crawls into the ring to give her mother a big hug. It’s a hug that brings more happiness to Krista’s heart than even the world title that’s presented by her. COLE A courageous effort by Synth Abdul Jabbar. But it wasn’t enough to sneak one past the Duncan family. Krista and Maya celebrate together, enjoying the mother daughter moment. But all good things must come to an end, and this celebration is no exception. Leon Rodez appears with chair in hand, lurking behind Krista. She turns around, unaware of his presence and pays for that folly with a chair aimed right towards her! COLE No! But Krista avoids the chair shot by swiping her boot against Leon’s stomach. The number one contender doubles over in pain, leading Krista to pepper him with hard stiff kicks. But Leon fights through the pain they inflict and comes back with wild right hands aimed at the champion. COLE Someone do something! Right on cue the ring fills with backstage officals, security, and even fellow wrestlers. The mass of humanity swirls in front of Leon and Krista, separating them before true harm is none. Neither is very happy about the meddling, and they each try to fight past those who want to keep them apart. Krista even goes as far as to begin crawling on top of people to reach Leon. But realizing her daughter is right there, Krista calms down and settles against the turnbuckles. Leon isn’t so gracious and continues to try and claw his way at Krista as we… FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- HERE IS WHAT AN OAOAST ARENA LOOKS LIKE COLE Folks it is time for television's hottest most sizzling show of the summer, HeldDOWN~! Beside me is Johnathan Coachman and we are both ready for another night of scintillating action~! The view switches to Michael Buffer, standing inside the colorful array of spotlights. UFFER The following tag team event is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, two young men from the OAOVW… RAY ANTHONY and STEVIE KEITH! Unlike last week, Anthony and Keith play faces, waving to the crowd, etc. Suddenly gold smoke fills the stage and the lights turn purple as “The Creeps” by Fedde Le Grand blasts through the speakers. BUFFER Their opponents hail from Port Au Prince, Haiti… the minions of the underworld… DIVINE BROTHERS UNO and DOS... LOS CONQUISADOOOOOORRRRRRRSSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Los Conquistadors worship their strange and mysterious gods in the ring when CMJ and SPECNER REIGER, collectively THE LDC MONEYGANG, approach the two OAOVW trainees. COLE What’s going on here? COLE I’d like to know myself. Whatever is said doesn’t go over well, so CMJ delivers an IRISH UPPERCUT and then DROPS RAY ANTHONY ON HIS HEAD! COACH Irish suplex! Not to be outdone, Reiger executes THE REIGER COUNTER on Stevie Keith! COLE That’s uncalled for! COACH Talk about on the job training, Mikey Cole. Those boys just got a lesson in the school of hard knocks. Reiger and CMJ dust themselves off as Los Conquistadors look on confused. The guys point to the fallen OAOVW trainees and Los Conquistadors make the cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COACH That didn’t take too long. COLE Yeah, thanks to the LDC Moneygang. Los Conquistadors raise their hands in triumph…and then get BLINDSIDED by the Moneygang! COLE/COACH CMJ delivers a pair of CELTIC FROST SUPLEX on both Conquistadors, then assists Spencer in a pair of SPIKE REIGER COUNTERS!! COLE I thought Los Conquistadors were “in” with Theodore Moneymaker? COACH Not anymore obviously. Remember, Teddy vowed to get back at those he believes wronged him. Last week it was Ned Blanchard. I sure hope Team Heyross are watching, Cole. This is what’s in store for them at Angleslam. COLE Whatever the reason, a statement has been made here tonight by the Enterprise. OAOAST officials arrive on the scene as we go to… TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT JEW VS MUSLIM: THE WAR TO SETTLE THE SCORE WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR COMMERCIAL

In the arena, the cameras catch up with Zack Malibu, who is sitting inside ANGLESAULT's office. ANGLESAULT That stupid son of a bitch. He jumped you right in the parking lot? MALIBU That's what he did. Guess he thought he could... Suddenly, the door swings open, and in comes Bohemoth! ANGLESAULT I don't remember an appointment with you, Bo. BOHEMOTH We didn't have one. ANGLESAULT I didn't hear you knock either. BOHEMOTH Then you're hearing is good, because I didn't. ANGLESAULT Look, I don't have time for your sh... Bo lunges over the desk, pulling Anglesault up by the collar of his shirt. BOHEMOTH You listen to ME! Zack gets up, but Anglesault urges him to sit down. Zack doesn't sit, as he remains on his feet, ready to strike. BOHEMOTH I don't like you. I have no respect for you. You're making me proud of some of the things I did when I was an Upstart, because you running this company is making us worse off than if Drek Stone DID get his way. You've been corrupted by your own power, and now you're corrupting the one guy who knows you best, just so he won't see through it. ANGLESAULT Is that what you think I'm doing? You think I'm playing puppet master here? BOHEMOTH I don't think it, I know it. ANGLESAULT Let me tell YOU something then. Anglesault slowly pries Bo's hands away from his neck, and fixes his shirt. ANGLESAULT This is MY company. I sat back and let everyone work on their own free will. Ask no questions, tell no lies. I came back three years ago because one of my FRIENDS needed me, and that was the wake-up call. That maybe I should stick around to make sure things are on the up and up. Now since then I've been attacked, forced out, bloodied, beaten, and SHOT, so pardon me for being a bit more jaded than the rest of you on the roster. I'm not brainwashing anyone, Bo. I'm just making sure that Zack doesn't become a pushover like I did, because he doesn't deserve that after all he's done for me, for YOU, and for this company. A true friend of his would have realized it, but instead his only friends are the people like you looking to increase their market value by lingering by his side. BOHEMOTH So that's how it is? ANGLESAULT That's how it is. Bo chuckles and looks down, then perks up and goes to nail Anglesault with a punch, but Zack hooks his arm. MALIBU Get out of here. NOW. BOHEMOTH You want it this way, Zack. You're going to go along with this. MALIBU Don't play games with me, Bo. Just get out. Of this office, of our lives...just GET OUT. Bo shakes his arm away, and stares down Zack. BOHEMOTH I'm gone. I don't need you channeling whatever problems you have onto me, and I don't need to be misled by this clown over here. You want me out of your business, then fine...but you stay the hell out of mine, because unless our paths happen to cross in that ring, there's no need for them to cross any other time, you got me? Zack doesn't respond, he just stares coldly at Zack. BOHEMOTH I tried to help you. Even a little while ago in the parking lot, I pulled Cortez off you before things got out of hand, and you know what? I wish I didn't. Because someone needs to knock some sense into you, Zack. Thing is, with what you did to Cortez, I don't know that anyone is going to be able to stop him. Bo walks out of the office and opens the door, and standing there is Todd Cortez himself. Bo then steps to the side. BOHEMOTH He's all yours. Cortez charges in, tackling Zack, sending them both spilling over the desk! Cortez lands on top, and is brutalizing Zack with closed fists, similar to his attack last week, and Anglesault calls in for security, who flood the office and pry Cortez off of him. While he's being held back, Anglesault, furious, approaches. ANGLESAULT You got an itch to scratch, Todd. Save it for Angleslam. Because if you attack Zack again before then...I don't care if it's at a house show, at HeldDOWN, or at a god damn Denny's, I will blackball your ass from this entire business, and you can go back to the ghetto with your family and wallow in the fact that you screwed it all up for them. Cortez, being held back, says nothing...but SPITS IN ANGLESAULT'S FACE! Anglesault wipes the spit away, then with the same hand, SLAPS CORTEZ ACROSS THE FACE! ANGLESAULT GET HIM OUT OF HERE! Security drags Cortez out of the office, and Zack gets to his feet. He and Anglesault stare at the sight of Cortez being led away, as we fade to commerical.

REJECT/HEAT entrances etc. *DING DING DING* Reject and Heat tie up, and Reject grabs a side headlock. Heat backs Reject into the ropes, then shoves him across. Reject takes down Heat with a shouldercheck, then runs to the ropes once again. Heat flips over, then gets to his feet, and catches Reject with a hiptoss! He follows up with a dropkick, sending Reject bailing to the floor. COLE Two nice moves by Heat, and Reject needs to regroup! Reject walks to another side of the ring, then re-enters and ties up. Heat grabs a side headlock, but Reject backs him into the ropes and shoves him across, and goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks and catches him with a crucifix! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject goes after Heat, who catches him with a drop toehold, then grabs him in a side headlock. Reject backs him into the ropes once again, this time kneeing him in the gut, then whipping him across. Heat ducks a clothesline, and comes back with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject rolls Heat to the outside on the kickout, but Heat quickly comes back up, and delivers a shoulder to the midsection. Heat then comes in with a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Heat catches Reject with a headlock takedown. COLE Heat going for quick covers here in the early going! Reject gets to his feet, and backs Heat into a corner, then backs off, before laying in a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COACH There we go! Reject delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject brings Heat out, and sets him up for a back suplex, but Heat lands on his feet behind him, then spins him around and hits him with a jab! COLE Shake, Rattle and Roll time! Heat follows with a second jab, then a third, then does a little dance before flooring Reject with a big right hand! COLE It's been all Heat early on in this one! Reject retreats to a corner, and Heat follows, hammering him with more right hands. He finishes with a spinkick, which brings Reject staggering out of the corner, then backs into the ropes, coming back to send Reject's face into the mat with both hands! Reject rolls to the outside once again. COACH Man, Reject just can not get it going here! Heat follows this time, grabbing Reject, and ramming his face into the steel steps! Heat then rolls back in and climbs to the top rope. COLE Heat going for it all here! Heat leaps towards Reject, who moves, and Heat crashes into the guardrail! COACH COLE Well, a big risk taken there by Heat, and it did not pay off! Reject stops to catch his wind, then picks up Heat, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then scoops up Heat, and drops him across the guardrail, then dumps him into the front row before re-entering the ring to pose, drawing boos. COLE And Reject has turned the tide in this one, thanks to a miscue off the top by Heat! Heat crawls over the railing and back into the ring, where Reject meets him and delivers some stomps. He then whips him into the ropes, but puts his head down, and Heat catches him with a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject delivers a quick shot to the throat, and is admonished by the referee. He then picks up Heat, and executes a fisherman's buster! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject whips Heat into the ropes, and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject tries another Irish whip, but Heat reverses. He puts his head down, though, and Reject delivers a kick, the follows up with a dropkick, sending Heat rolling to the outside! Reject poses, drawing boos. COACH I think Reject's starting to sense victory! Reject follows Heat outside, and hammers him with right hands. He then rolls him back inside, then climbs to the top rope, and hits him with a double axhandle! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE Heat JUST getting that shoulder up! Reject slowly gets to his feet, then puts his hands on his knees, and waits on Heat. COACH Here it comes, Cole! COLE Reject waiting to pounce with the Eulogy! Heat gets to his feet, as Reject approaches...but Heat was playing possum, and scores with a PELE KICK~! COLE But no! Heat with the Pele Kick! Both men are down, and the referee counts... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! Both men slowly get to their feet, and Heat blocks a right hand, then fires off a series of rights of his own! He then executes an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline! COLE Heat starting a comeback here! He follows that with a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat executes a Russian legsweep, then climbs to the top rope, and hits Reject with a missile dropkick, followed by a SPINAROONI~! COLE Heat's really cooking now! Heat spins to his feet, then immediately goes into a WESTSIIIIIIIIIIIDE MOONSAULT~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Reject gets the shoulder up! COLE Here comes the Deadly Alliance! Thunderkid runs around to the side of the ring, and rolls inside, but Heat catches him with right hands! Mr. Dick hops onto the apron, but the referee cuts him off as Heat dropkicks TK out of the ring! Meanwhile, Reject pulls a pair of brass knuckles from his tights! COLE Reject's got something in his hand! Heat makes his way back to Reject, who pops up and drills Heat with the knucks, then drops them on the outside next to TK, who puts them in his pocket. Reject covers, as MD hops off the apron, and the referee comes around... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Reject has stolen one from Colombian Heat! BUFFER The winner of the match...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! The referee raises Reject's hand, as MD slides into the ring and stomps away on Heat. COLE And Mr. Dick getting in some cheap shots! Reject soon joins in on the assault, as does TK, who holds Heat along with MD so Reject can lay his shots in. Suddenly, cheers are heard from the crowd, as Denzel Spencer makes his way down the aisle! COLE Denzel on his way down! Denzel shoots to the top rope, and catches Reject with a flying bodypress! He then hammers away on TK, while Heat gets loose and hammers on MD, until Sandman9000 hits the ring and floors Denzel with a kendo stick! COACH Sandman to the rescue! COLE Sandman hammering away on the man who will challenge him for the Heartland title at AngleSlam in just ten days! Sandman starts to choke out Denzel with the kendo stick, as Reject pulls a glass table out from under the ring. COLE Oh no. COACH There it is! The career-killing glass table! As Reject slides the table into the ring, another cheer comes from the crowd, as THE TEAL TIGER slides into the ring! COLE Wait a minute! It's the masked man, the Teal Tiger! COACH We all know who's under that mask, and he's got no business here! His career is over! Tiger takes the stick from Sandman, and blasts him across the back! He then floors MD with a SUPERKICK, then catches TK with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Tiger then holds the stick as Reject begs off of him, as Arturas steps in over the top rope! COLE And here comes the big man! Arturas delivers a Mongolian chop from behind, then lifts him in a two-handed choke hold! COACH Look at the big guy dominate! Get the mask, Arturas! However, Denzel and Heat both slide in and deliver chair shots to the back, which don't drop the big man, but causes him to let go of Tiger. Arturas quickly recovers, though, and is ready to take on all three men, before Reject calls him off. COACH Two chairshots, and it barely fazes the big guy! I can only think what would have happened had Reject not called him off! Gasolina remix plays, as Heat, Denzel, and Tiger raise hands in the middle of the ring. COLE A lot of scores to settle here, including one big match for the Heartland title! Sandman/Denzel, at AngleSlam!

Returning from commercial break finds us with Maggie Nerdly all set to interview Krista Isadora Duncan. MAGGIE What’s up, ya’ll, Maggie Nerdly chillin backstage with the world champ, Krista Isadora Duncan! So, Mrs.Duncan you heard Leon’s comments in his interview earlier tonight, got anything you wanna say back? KRISTA Leon Rodez I’m tired, tired, tired of this man. I wish I could join the Bloods or Crips, I’d have me and the homies doing drive byes all across Grand Rapids. I’d chase him down an alley and put two in his back like Ricky from Boyz N Da Hood. Leon Rodez could cure AIDS, give birth to golden puppies, and pee giant rainbows and I’d still have the urge to run him down with a 4 wheeler. I almost regret even dignifying his utterly insane comments with an interview. Do I try to rebut the homeless man in front of the Beverly Center who informs me I am the demonic Jewish she devil that will destroy the Christian world. No, I say “Shut up Terry, and get back to cleaning my toilets with a toothbrush. It adds extra sparkle and minty flavor for those who like to drink out the toilet…i.e. Christian Wright. I should be saving my breath and my words for someone that isn’t some walking combination of flesh and sheer idiocy. But, instead I’m forced to go back and forth with a babbling idiot. Now I know what its like to go on the Jimmy Kimmel show. MAGGIE And now you know what its like to talk to Melody. KRISTA Theodore Moneymaker, Lucius Soul, Frank Bruiser, Kevin Costner, these are evil detestable subhuman lifeforms. These people are so bad they could sit in a bar in hell and get the “you ain’t gotta go home but you can’t stay here” treatment from the bouncer. If I’ve ruined their life, if I sabotaged their careers I did it because they deserve it more than anyone. Although if you work full time in the OAOAST I’m not sure how much lower your existence can sink. Listen to me, people need protection from people like Leon Rodez, evil, manipulative, lying scum of the worst places on earth. They need to be protected, I heard they got 100 Ways to choke out Leon Rodez classes at the YMCA, its that desperate. Its like a mildew on shower tile, you don't wait until its so bad that Alix halluciantes that she's the stay puft marshmallow man, you whip that maid with your trusty black belt and you tell her get to cleaning! That's what I'm doing, I'm cleaning up the disgusting mildew of life. But apparently I’m not so good at ruining lives and destroying careers, and wrecking futures, blah blah blah. Because I were any good at it, Leon Rodez would not be king of his magical fantasy land where he didn’t stage an unprovoked attack on his best friend, and didn’t drive his niece to join The Enterprise. MAGGIE And didn’t sleep with my 3 of my sisters behind my back! KRISTA Leon, if you’re challenging me to ruin your life it’s a challenge I accept. Its better than being on “Shaq Vs”. Why the hell am I going to do Jazzercise with the 7 foot guy from Shazam, best know for being Kobe’s out of shape and lazy sidekick? But, I digress. Leon Rodez, come Angleslam, I don’t know if I’m going to humiliate you, ruin you, or destroy you, but I will bitch slap you all the way to North Korea, and tell Kim Jong Il he risks nuclear attack if he sends you back. As for Synth Abdul Jabbar, my opponent tonight, you consider yourself a rockstar of some sort? Its good to dream, honey, very good. Krista has a dream also. I dream that I rip your drumsticks out your hand, jab them in your eyes, and proceed to play “Maybe its Amazing” by Paul McCartney on your ruptured orbital bone, while all the children of the world hold hands and sing in sweet glorious song. But we both have to wake up to reality, you’re not a rockstar, I’m not a drummer, Terry Taylor is 50 and a virgin, and the biggest match of your life is going to turn into the biggest embarrassment in your life. Just the way Leon likes it.

“The Wall” by Kansas hits, and The Deadly Alliance makes their way to the ring. The crowd boos loudly. Despite what happened last week, all the members of The DA are in high spirits, showcasing their belts, taunting the fans and generally being asses. COLE It wouldn’t be a HeldDOWN~! without an appearance from The Deadly Alliance! And considering what was said last week, I’m surprised at how happy The Deadly Alliance appears to be. COACH Why WOULDN’T they be happy? They’ve got gold, they’ve got women, they’ve got success! AND they’ve gotten rid of Alfdogg at long last! COLE But you heard what Colombian Heat said last week! Tha Puerto Rican is returning to the OAOAST, and he’s targeting Reject! COACH So what? He’ll fight him and he’ll choke like he always has. COLE You have no idea when he’ll return, Coach! He could be returning tonight and be backstage hearing what you just said on a monitor! COACH … COLE Colombian Heat will have a chance at revenge when he takes on Reject later on tonight in singles action! COACH Hide me. COLE No. Reject grabs the microphone. The Deadly Alliance all stand in the middle of the ring and sneer at the fans. “The Wall” by Kansas dies down. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” REJECT Despite the bombshell dropped last week, The Deadly Alliance is no worse for the wear. The idle threats of a few has-beens and never weres are not enough to deter the momentum that The Deadly Alliance currently has! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Amen to that! REJECT It is this momentum that will take myself and The Deadly Alliance to the absolute TOP of the OAOAST food chain. We have several titles, but trust me, TRUST ME, when I say that there is more to come! The crowd boos. REJECT So if Tha Puerto Rican ever does decide to show his face in the OAOAST again, we will be ready. If that short, overrated, annoying, unbearable wannabe wants to pick a fight with The Deadly Alliance, then, to borrow a catchphrase that Tha Puerto Rican has stolen for himself since he has no shame, then Tha Puerto Rican can JUST BRING IT! COACH PWNED~! COLE Not even close. REJECT If Tha Puerto Rican decides to stick his nose in The Deadly Alliance’s business, then I will do what the FORMER *RETIRED* leader of The Deadly Alliance COULDN’T do: I will beat him. 1-2-3! Or make him tap out before I break every bone in his body with The R-Lock! COACH Alfdogg could never beat Tha Puerto Rican! COLE Actually, he did a few times-- COACH Alfdogg could never beat Tha Puerto Rican! COLE You just said tha-- COACH Alfdogg could never beat Tha Puerto Rican! REJECT And I hope Tha Puerto Rican is watching HeldDOWN~! this week, because later on in this program, tonight, in…this…very…ring, I’m going to show him what he’s in for when I take on his best friend, his main man, his ‘homie’, Colombian Heat, one-on-one! The crowd cheers for the mention of Colombian Heat! REJECT And after I bash his head in and further scar his back, maybe Tha Puerto Rican will think twice about returning to the OAOAST and going one-on-one with The R-Man! The crowd boos for Reject insulting Colombian Heat and PRL. REJECT Colombian Heat, and if he has the balls, Tha Puerto Rican, will learn, just like Alfdogg learned, that crossing the R…won’t get you far! COACH Put that on a T-shirt! It’ll outsell Tha Puerto Rican’s crap 20,000-to-1! REJECT Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are just road blocks in our way. And after we get done with them, we can move on to other, more important matters. Like the Money In The Bank contract that I-- The AngleTron lights up with an image of a man reading the August 2009 issue of OAOAST Magazine with Reject on the cover. The headline reads “THE R-MAN COMETH: REJECT SPEAKS ON HIS PAST, HIS PRESENT AND HIS FUTURE!” The crowd is curious as to who is reading the magazine on sale now at newsstands everywhere! A FAMILIAR (HIGH-PITCHED) VOICE (Reading OAOAST Magazine) ‘I did the OAOAST a lot of good by getting rid of Tha Puerto Rican at School’s Out.’ Reject says, ’Tha Puerto Rican was old news. Losing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title to a whiny emo like Leon Rodez just shows how much of a joke he truly is. He should have stayed down when Mr. Dick injured his bicep, but the son of a bitch is stubborn, and he paid for his stubbornness at School’s Out. We are a lot better off without Tha Puerto Rican! He was, is and will forever be a 2nd-rate, no talent jackass!’ 2nd Rate? No talent? JACKASS!? The man angrily puts down the magazine…revealing the face of the one, the only, THA PUERTO RICAN!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Hey! It’s him! COACH AAAH! Coach hides underneath the announce table! THA PUERTO RICAN No, you’re not seeing a ghost! This is not a repeat! This is LIVE! This is now! And this IS the moment that you’ve all been waiting for! Because…At long last…after all of this time…THE CHAMP…IS…HERE! The crowd EXPLODES with cheers. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has returned to the OAOAST after a four month absence and the fans couldn’t be happier! Tha Puerto Rican has let his hair grow out and he is now sporting a beard. However, he still has his trademark sunglasses, earring on his right ear and gold chain around his neck, and is wearing a long sleeve purple dress shirt. He is also sporting his $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist. Tha Puerto Rican stares at the camera with a serious look on his face, standing in front of a bookcase that holds several of the championship belts, trophies and plaques that he has won over his career. To the left of the bookcase hangs a picture of PRL and his girlfriend, Maggie Nerdly, arms around each other’s shoulders, at a beach in San Juan, Puerto Rico as the sun sets. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Reject eyes the AngleTron with a cold look in his eyes. The Deadly Alliance all make their angry faces. THA PUERTO RICAN Now, I don’t mean to bust your bubble…well…actually, I lie, I DO mean to bust your bubble! But, anyway, Tha Puerto Rican has *just* about had it with your bragging, young man! I mean, it’s one thing to brag about retiring Alfdogg. You actually DID do that. The crowd boos. Reject smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN But to brag that you retired Tha Puerto Rican? That you got rid of Tha Puerto Rican! That you made sure that Tha Puerto Rican never steps foot into a One And Only AngleSault Thread ring ever again? Well, Reject, Tha Puerto Rican just will NOT stand for that! Uh-Uh! No way! No how! Reject is starting to get pissed now. THA PUERTO RICAN Now Tha Puerto Rican says that yes, The Thunderous Rejection through the glass table did a number on him. And yes, Tha Puerto Rican had to get 23 stitches in his head after that. The crowd boos. Reject and Thunderkid nod and smile evilly. PRL (CON’TD) BUT…even so…even with all of that…it STILL wasn’t enough to make Tha Puerto Rican retire! Didn’t you get the memo? There ain’t NO MAN…no living breathing human being PERIOD…that can make Tha Puerto Rican retire! Learn to love it, Reject, because Tha Puerto Rican is going to be here for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME COMING! Tha Puerto Rican ain’t going NOWHERE! And that’s the truth, Ruth! Reject is fuming now. But the crowd is going crazy. THA PUERTO RICAN Ask your friend, Mr. Shriveled Up Monkey Penis--I mean, Mr. Dick, how hard it is to get rid of Tha Puerto Rican! He tried. He failed. Stephen Joseph Popick tried. He failed. Brickston tried. He failed. Cuban Wall tried. He failed. That sorry sumbitch Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix tried. And he failed too! Not surprisingly! But still! Is it getting through your thick skull yet!? Do I have to paint you a pretty picture!? Because I’m quite the painter, too, if I do say so myself! I make art inside AND outside of the ring! But Tha Puerto Rican is getting too far off-topic. The point, Reject, and there is one, is that bragging that you retired Tha Puerto Rican was just dumb! A stupid mistake! It’s as stupid as getting your head stuck in a honey pot. As stupid as having an underground dog fighting ring when you’re a famous NFL superstar. As stupid as sleeping with a girl who has 45 different sexually transmitted diseases. Melissa, you know what I’m talking about! “OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” This sets Reject off. Melissa is outraged! COACH Hey! COLE Haha Haha! REJECT Listen here, you piece of crap! Nobody, but NOBODY, talks to my girlfriend that way! You are totally wrong about her! She’s a princess! She’s an angel. She’s the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me! She means the world to me! I think that she is the most beautiful girl in the world! I think that she is the sexiest woman alive. I think that she-- THA PUERTO RICAN IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MELISSA NERDLY! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE PWNED~! THA PUERTO RICAN Everybody knows that Tha Puerto Rican has got the best Nerdly sister anyway! Reject, you think that you impress Tha Puerto Rican by giving him a Thunderous Rejection through a glass table? You think that Tha Puerto Rican is shivering in his boots worried for Colombian Heat later on tonight? You think that should we meet, you will beat me single-handedly? Well, wake up, you son of a bitch! Because you’re obviously dreaming! You say that Tha Puerto Rican is finished? I don’t think so! Tha Puerto Rican is BACK, BAY-BEE~! I’M BACK IN THE OAOAST! I AM BACK IN THE OAOAST! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT’D) My wounds have healed. My body has recovered. I am fully rested. I had plenty of R&R with my girl, Maggie, by my side! I am at 100%! And I am ready. Tha Puerto Rican is READY to make his return to the One And Only AngleSault Thread! And I am coming for you, Reject! Yes, you. I didn’t stutter. Right now, in front of the millions… “…AND MILLIONS!” THA PUERTO RICAN …AAAAAAAND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans, I am challenging you to a match. I am challenging you to go ONE-ON-ONE… “…WITH THE GREAT ONE!” THA PUERTO RICAN And I want to have that match…at ANGLESLAM! COLE All right! Tha Puerto Rican has thrown down the gauntlet! THA PUERTO RICAN Monday Night, August the 31st. AngleSlam 2009. In my hometown of San Juan, Puerto Rico! In front of the sold out crowd at Coliseo de Puerto Rico José Miguel Agrelot. In front of MY people! In front of the whole world! You, Reject, will receive the ass whopping your momma should have gave ya! When we step into the ring on the 31st, you will bare witness to how a REAL beatdown goes down, as I layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass all over San Juan! In my mind, that is the perfect way to say, ‘I’MMMMMMM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!’ COLE He is most certainly back! THA PUERTO RICAN That is if you even WANT this match! I mean, you might be too scared for all I know. REJECT I ain’t scared of NOBODY! ESPECIALLY YOU! YOU’VE GOT YOURSELF A MATCH! The crowd cheers! COLE And there you have it! The match is made! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Reject in San Juan, Puerto Rico at AngleSlam on August 31st! Tha Puerto Rican smiles. REJECT I wouldn’t be so quick to smile, P.R. You see, I don’t give a damn about the fact that you will be making your return in your hometown. I won’t take it easy on you. I won’t go soft. In fact, knowing that we will be in your hometown, your birthplace, that just makes me wanna fight harder! I am going to embarrass you in front of your friends. In front of your family. In front of YOUR people. I am going to make sure that you become the laughingstock of Puerto Rico! I am going to hurt you. I am going to injure you…again. I am going to destroy you on the island that you were born in and raised in. I am going to make sure that this is a homecoming that you will never…EVER…forget. AngleSlam will be a memorable, important, historic night. Not for you. But for ME! I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. THA PUERTO RICAN And I hope *you* know what you’re getting yourself into! Or should that be, *who* you’re getting yourself into! Has Melissa gotten tested? Who knows what she has gotten in just the past, oh, 2 days!? The crowd laughs. Reject sneers. REJECT (sarcastically) Ha. Ha. Ha. Real funny. THA PUERTO RICAN Why thank you! REJECT You know, the more you crack wise, the more you make me excited for AngleSlam. Because I absolutely cannot wait to jam my foot down your throat! THA PUERTO RICAN You won’t have the chance to do that, because in a blink of an eye, before you know what hits you, WHAM! You’re going to get hit with the Latin Slam! WHAM! The People’s Elbow Drop! WHAM! The Lightning Strike! WHAM! The P.R. Nightmare! OR…WHAM! The Most Electrifying Move In Professional Wrestling: The Puerto Rico Elbow! All it takes is one second. So Reject, watch out! The storm clouds are hovering over San Juan! And on August 31st, the lightning will strike! And you, my friend, will suffer a P.R. Nightmare! But first, let my friend Colombian Heat rough you up a bit. You know, for kicks! HAHAHAHAHA! I'll see you in two weeks, Lightning Bolts! Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. The crowd cheers loudly. “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican smiles to the camera. Reject fumes and talks with The Deadly Alliance, who are also pissed off. COLE What an announcement! We now know the date of Tha Puerto Rican‘s return! It is Monday August 31st, LIVE at AngleSlam from Tha Puerto Rican’s hometown of San Juan! COACH Is he gone? COLE He was never in the building, Coach! COACH So? His spirit was here! That’s enough for me! COLE What? Oh come on! Reject vows VENGEANCE on Tha Puerto Rican in the ring as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing. COLE In 11 days, that man right there, Reject, will take on Tha Puerto Rican in PRL’s return match! This could be a career defining moment for Reject, taking on a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in his hometown at the biggest event of the summer! But Reject will also be in the squared circle later on tonight when he battles Colombian Heat, Tha Puerto Rican’s best friend! That’s still to come! Don’t go away, fans! More OAOAST HeldDOWN~! right after these messages! FADE OUT COMMERCIALS Coming back from commercial, we find Lucius Soul waiting in the ring, busy combing his 'fro and checking it out at various angles on the big screen. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from New Orleans, Louisiana... weighing ... "THE BLACK KNIGHT", "SWEET" LLLUUUUUUCCCIIIIIIUUUUSSSSSSS... SSSSSOOOUUUUUUULLLLLLLL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Singles action here on HeldDOWN and we're being joined by a special guest, the Queen gracing us with her presence! QUEEN EMILY Salutations! Who may I say is speaking? COLE It's... it's me. I'm sitting right next to you. QUEEN EMILY OH! I see! I'm not familiar with these auto-communication helmets you are using. As the Queen gets to grips with the futuristic headset she's been fitted with, "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva hits. Jogging out from the back J-MAX fires up the crowd before heading to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... weighing one hundred and eighty one pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... J - MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXX!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Queen Esther, I've got to ask how you're doing after last week. QUEEN EMILY (unconvincing) I'm fine. I do not remember anything bad happening to me last week. COLE Wha...wait a minute. What about Melody pulling you off of the apron and you landing on the floor? QUEEN EMILY Sweet man, I think, perhaps, you must have dreamt that. COLE Well we've got the video right here if you're having some memory problems. QUEEN EMILY Wherever did you obtain that footage young man? That is the demon footage! I specifically asked that all copies of that tape be destroyed! And now you have replayed it, so the world will once again be subjected to nasty images of their Queen being attacked by a bad person! Oh no no, you have corrupted the sweet innocent minds of your viewers! COLE Well, we try our best, every Thursday night. *DINGDINGDING!* With both men ready to go the bell sounds and they circle, Lucius still combing his 'fro. They go to lock up, which is when Lucius realises he's got a 'fro pick in his hand, so he asks for a timeout to put it safely in his pocket. COACH There's a dawg with priorities. Once he's ready Lucius walks back over, to accusations of time-wasting from the masked J-MAX. Lucius jaws back and goes to shut him up with a PIMPSLAP... but J-MAX ducks and starts firing right hands! Backing him up against the ropes, J-MAX whips Lucius to the ropes and connects with a spin wheel kick. First cover of the match... 1... 2... No! Soul backs into a corner, looking for another timeout to fix his 'fro. But he doesn't get one. J-MAX rushes and delivers a running forearm in the corner, then looks for another whip. A reversal sends J-MAX towards the corner, which is no problem, running up the ropes and then moonsaulting up and over the on-rushing Black Knight! QUEEN EMILY Heavens above! Lucius lets out a confused "da'hell!?" and turns around, right into a hurricanrana! COLE J-MAX, on fire! Once he gets going, he's so hard to stop. COACH Unless you start calling him mean names or something. That usually gets rid of him for a couple of months. Scrambling out of the ring, Lucius tries to clear his head. J-MAX lines him up and gets the crowd clapping, preparing to take flight. As he runs across the ring though, Lucius looks up and spotting J-MAX coming, he quickly slides in under the bottom rope. J-MAX just manages to save himself, vaulting over the top rope and landing on the apron. Thinking he's safe, Lucius does a fancy two-step. But when he turns around, he's taken out with a Springboard Crossbody!! 1... 2... NO! Still in full flow J-MAX comes off the ropes but gets caught with a Powerslam! COACH That sure stopped him. 1... 2... No! Swinging J-MAX around, Lucius sends him back into the ropes and lays him out with a back elbow. And with this brief pause in the action, Lucius decides to use his precious time to comb his 'fro. Of course. QUEEN ESTHER Oh, I do admire a gentleman who takes care of his appearance. Not like some of these brutes I encounter in the locker room. Tucking away his comb, Lucius covers J-MAX... 1... 2... No. Soul clubs at the back of J-MAX as he gets back up, before forcing him back into a corner. Jabs rock the masked man until the referee's count of four, at which points Lucius backs up to show "I'm cool". Lucius then dishes out a couple of kicks to the chest, before setting up an irish whip. As he approaches the corner, J-MAX gets a foot up, stopping himself with the middle turnbuckle and throwing his elbow back to catch Lucius. J-MAX then springs to the middle and leaps over Lucius, spinning in mid-air to execute a flying sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Rolling right back to his feet, Lucius is up before J-MAX can move and KICKS the seated masked man clean in the face! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a shot that was, right to the masked SKULL~! Cover by Lucius... 1... 2... Kickout! Lucius drags J-MAX back up and shoves him into the corner. After a few more jabs he loads J-MAX up, whipping him across the ring. J-MAX hits the other corner and Lucius is right behind him, spinning through the air looking for the Soul Brother Splash... but J-MAX sneaks out of the way! J-MAX runs right for the ropes again. But Lucius regains his breath and delivers a BICYCLE KICK, so hard that J-MAX BACKFLIPS AND FACEPLANTS INTO THE MAT!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" COLE OH MY! WHAT A KICK! QUEEN ESTHER Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Flipping the limp body of his opponent over, Lucius senses victory and hooks the leg eagerly... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE No, J-MAX kicks out, after two hard kicks to the head in quick succession! How about that! COACH He might have kicked out, but he's clearly on dreamstreet, that's obvious mask or no mask. Lucius debates the count with the referee and threatens him with a Pimpslap, but wisely controls his anger. "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" QUEEN ESTHER The people are singing! How delightful! COLE Yes, but they're singing for your man's opponent. QUEEN ESTHER My heart holds no bad feelings when people come together in song Michael. Dragging J-MAX back up, Lucius takes him up onto the shoulder, looking for the Fro 2 Sleep. J-MAX still has enough wits about him to struggle free though, squirming out of Soul's grip and landing on his feet. Lucius tries to nail J-MAX with a clothesline, which is ducked, leaving him open for a desperation enziguri! COLE And this time it's Lucius who takes the kick to the head. Both men take a few seconds to shake out the cobwebs. Lucius recovers first and grabs hold of J-MAX, by the mask. But J-MAX knocks the hands away, catching Lucius in the jaw with a jumping knee strike! Spit flies, Soul left dazed. J-MAX quickly hooks him up and delivers a standing blockbuster neckbreaker, then rolls on top... 1... 2... No! J-MAX asks for encouragement from the crowd as he gets back up. COACH What's up with these fools, cheering for a quitter, somebody who can't even show his face? QUEEN ESTHER Could he perhaps be a masked highwayman? I must hope not, I ride my stagecoach everywhere! COACH Say what? As Soul gets back up J-MAX runs at him, leaping up with a hurricanrana... but Lucius catches him and SITS DOWN!! COLE Sitout Powerbomb!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE What a great counter move from Lucius, but still not enough! Lucius quickly picks J-MAX back up and lifts him onto the shoulders. He carries him into the middle of the ring and throws him up, ready to put him 2 sleep... but J-MAX, remarkably, manages to twist around in mid-air and COUNTER WITH THE HURRICANRANA!!! COLE WOW! Rolled to his feet, Lucius walks right into a spinning wheel kick, laying him out near the corner. COLE And this might be J-MAX's cue to fly! QUEEN ESTHER Oh dear. This isn't good at all. J-MAX climbs the turnbuckles, bringing the crowd to their feet. QUEEN ESTHER Hello? Hello? Come in mister director! Please turn all of your cameras off before it's too late! Do you read me? Hello? But before Queen Esther's transmission can be dealt with, J-MAX takes flight and CRUSHES LUCIUS WITH THE 630 SPLASH!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That's one move that doesn't deserve to be burnt from the records!! 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And after a hard-fought battle, J-MAX picks up the win! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... J - MMMMMMAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The masked high flier has his hand raised in victory, the crowd still jumping after the move they just witnessed. J-MAX climbs to the middle rope and plays to the fans as Queen Esther leaves the booth to attend to her fallen Knight. Not that she's much help, begging the referee to "do something" as Lucius simply moans in pain. COLE J-MAX, flying high in the OAOAST! Folks, we'll have more HeldDOWN in a minute. Stick around! COMMERCIAL

n the back lot of the arena, a black Escalade pulls up, and moments after the engine is turned off, ZACK MALIBU climbs out of the driver's seat. The fans, who are watching this on the AngleTron in the arena, boo loudly as Malibu shuts the door, and turns around right into BOHEMOTH. BO Hey. MALIBU What do you want, Bo? BO Is that how it is now? You go off on one of your tantrums and forget about your friends? You want to throw the past in my face, is that it? MALIBU I'm not throwing anything in your face. You've been trying to make your name off of me for years now. First with the Civil War and Upstarts crap, then with our competition, and then with The In Crowd. BO YOU asked me to be in The In Crowd. Malibu fumes, hating to be corrected. BO Look, if you've got beef with Cortez for the whole Wildcards deal, that's your thing. Personally, I think that your "good buddy" Anglesault over there is exploiting you, not anybody else. MALIBU How do you figure? BO How do I figure? The guy has been trying to control you and tell you what to do for months now. He badgered you and badgered you until you snapped, and now you're digging up three year old dirt and throwing it in Cortez's face. This ain't you, man. MALIBU No, this IS me, Bo. The sooner you realize it, the better. I'm tired of having everyone throw their weight on my shoulders. I'm tired of having to worry about everyone in this company like I'm a damn kindergarten teacher. I... WHOMP~! In the midst of Zack's rebuttal, he's tackled against the side of his car by TODD CORTEZ ,who has raced outside to attack his old friend! Bo instantly steps in, trying to seperate the two men, but as he tries to break Cortez off of Zack, Zack gets up and hits a low kick, then sends Todd face first into the side of the truck! Zack goes to nail a few shots with Todd down, but Bo grabs him by the wrist, stopping the shot! BO STOP. Zack hesitates, then angrily takes his hand away from Bo, peering at his old stablemate. MALIBU From this point on, stay out of my life. Malibu walks into the arena, while Bo drops down to check on Cortez, as we fade out.