Patty O'Green

I list CPA and Bosley for starters. Probably Uno and Dos as well.

Philadelphia? More like FILTHadelphia amirite e-fed pals???? OAOAST WORLD TITLE, AND 30% PERCENT SHARES IN FIT WITH KID Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Theodore Moneymaker OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE Morgan Nerdly Vs Sophie

Nuh-uh! It was like a day late! I wanted it to go up on Thursday but alas it would've been a three segment show. Any way it turned out to be another good episode of e-fed entertainment's flagship program! Get money, fuck bitches.

Understandably furious, Uno and Dos stomp through the backstage area, they say nothing but their clenched fists and quick gait gives away their feelings. Quickly though their path is halted by Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. MONEYMAKER Hello, gentlemen. DOS Good evening, sir. MONEYMAKER It is not a good evening. Not for you, not for me, not for anyone who wishes to establish a peaceful and morally correct order in the OAOAST. WRIGHT We happened to watch the televisual transmission of your prior joust. It was in a word, devastating to heart and soul. A humiliation our eyes would recede from if we had not set them to the chore of observation. MONEYMAKER It was humiliating, wasn’t it, Uno? UNO Si, si. I will get her next time. MONEYMAKER No, Uno, no you won’t. I used to think like you. I’d get beat by Krista, or she’d foil one of my schemes, and I’d say I’ll get her next time. Next time came around and I’d be left once again holding my head in my hands grief stricken in failure. Next time, is the time she rips out another piece of your heart. That’s what happens next time. I have no heart left, she’s taken pieces of it away everytime we renew our unending war. Now there’s nothing left but a furnace that burns with an undying hatred. I used to love Krista in a way, and that love took me to the lowest pits of hell. I’m still there, and if you proceed with what you’re planning on doing, retrying the same old tricks, you’ll join me in misery very shortly. WRIGHT Heed the brilliance of this man’s sagacity. Learn the weary road he has tread. MONEYMAKER When, you’re trapped in hell by someone, the only way out is to put them in that very hell. But conventional methods will not work with Krista. I’ve tried them. A new battle requires new revolutionary weapons that can’t be defended by the enemey. I believe you both have the firearms I need. UNO What are those? MONEYMAKER Voodoo, black magic, the dark arts. You say you’ve mastered witchcraft, I say prove it. I say you join me in placing a curse on Krista, a curse that will bring to her knees deep in the darkest regions of her inner hell. I say we bring the dark night over her, and make it cast glances of venom on her for an eternity. What do you say, gentlemen? Will we have victory and vengeance? Teddy extends his hands, and its eagerly accepted by Uno and Dos as we FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We're brought right to Sofa Central where Arsenal jersey clad Double C wait to kick off the action! COLE Welcome, folks, to the highest rated sports entertainment show on television, OAOAST HeldDOWN, I am Michael Cole, and with me is Johnathan Coachman! COACH ESPN Personality, Johnathan Coachman. COLE Well, the next Stuart Scott and I are happy to have you here tonight and we start this high octane evening off with a United States Title match between two rising stars! Master Blaster (Jammin') hits, and Denzel Spencer gets a warm reception as he comes through the curtains. COLE Denzel Spencer on a roll as of late, and now gets a shot at his first title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Coming to the ring at this time, is the challenger! From Montego Bay, Jamaica, weighing in at 220 pounds...DENNNNNNNZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR!!!!! COLE And Denzel Spencer with another big match coming up at the Great Angle Bash, as it was revealed that he will be one of the men on Alfdogg's team in the big War Games match against the Deadly Alliance! COACH He's getting in way over his head, Cole! A few upset victories, and now he's got an ego bigger than Buckingham Palace! Spencer rolls in the ring, and poses on the buckles, to the cheers of the fans. He then prepares for the match, as Oh No hits, and Todd Cortez makes his way out. BUFFER His opponent...from Hollywood Boulevard, weighing in at 226 pounds...he is the OAOAST United States champion...THE URBAN LEGEND, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Cortez climbs into the ring and taunts some fans in the front row, then hands the referee his belt, and he raises it in the air, then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Cortez springs into action, attacking Spencer from behind with forearms and a European uppercut. He whips Spencer into the ropes, then drops down, and attempts a hiptoss. However, Spencer spins through, and takes him down with an armdrag! COLE Great counter by Denzel Spencer! Cortez quickly gets to his feet, and charges Spencer, who leapfrogs him, then drops down and catches him with a reverse monkey flip! Cortez gets up at the ropes, where Spencer hits him with a cross body, taking both men to the floor! Spencer climbs back into the ring, and runs to the other side of the ring, then comes back and rolls over the ropes, landing on the apron, but hesitates, and Cortez yanks him off onto the floor! COACH Todd was ready for that one, and Denzel took a rough fall there! Cortez stomps away at Spencer, then picks him up and rams him into the steel steps! COLE Denzel sent right into the steel stairs! Cortez rolls Spencer inside, then climbs onto the apron, and catapults in with a somersault senton splash! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez backs Spencer into a corner, and fires off a few kicks, then brings him out and shoots him into the ropes. Spencer ducks a clothesline, and hits Cortez with a dropkick! He then runs to the ropes, and attempts a handspring elbow, but Cortez duck the elbow, and catches Spencer, executing a back suplex! COACH Wow! COLE Beautiful counter by Todd Cortez! Cortez follows up with a Russian legsweep, followed by a legdrop! COLE VINTAGE Todd Cortez, with that legsweep/legdrop combo! Cortez covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez whips Spencer into the ropes, and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Todd Cortez throwing everything at the challenger, but he can't keep him down for the three! Cortez climbs out to the apron, and waits for Denzel to get to his feet. When he does, he springboards, and attempts a SHOOTING STAR LARIAT~!...but Spencer catches him in mid-air with a dropkick! COLE BIG dropkick by Denzel Spencer! COACH Wow, that could be it, Cole! Spencer caught him good! Spencer crawls over, and covers... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But Cortez JUST gets the shoulder up! Cortez rolls to the outside, and as he gets to his feet, Denzel springboards out of the corner, and flies at Cortez with a bodypress...but this time, it's him that gets caught with a Cortez dropkick! COACH Hah! Denzel got hit with a taste of his own medicine there! Cortez picks up Spencer, and whips him into the steel guardrail! He then rolls him inside, and whips him into the ropes. Spencer ducks a clothesline, then Cortez drops down, and catches Spencer coming with a SITOUT SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez backs Spencer into a corner, and delivers some kicks. He then delivers a right hand...but Spencer returns fire! COLE And look at Denzel fight back! Spencer fires off more rights, then spins Cortez around into the corner and delivers some kicks of his own! He then sets up an Irish whip, but Cortez reverses, and Spencer flips into the buckles, and lands in a tree of woe position! COACH Uh-oh, he's caught now, though! Cortez moves in on Spencer, and lays in some kicks to the midsection. He then backs into the opposite corner, and charges with a sliding dropkick...but Spencer sits up, and Cortez crotches the ringpost! COACH Oh no! COLE And some bad consequences for Todd Cortez on that attempt! Cortez climbs down on the outside, as Spencer gets free and stands up on the top rope, with his back to Cortez, and hits a SKY TWISTER PRESS~! COLE Denzel Spencer far from out of it in this match! Spencer calls out to the crowd, which roars in response, then rolls Cortez back inside, and attempts an Irish whip. Cortez reverses, then attempts a tilt-a-whirl. Spencer lands on his feet, however, and delivers a foot to the gut, followed by a SCISSOR KICK~! Denzel waits for Cortez to get to this feet, and catches him with a HURRICANRANA, hooking the legs... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! COLE WOW! SO close! Cortez gets to his feet, and catches Spencer with a clothesline! COACH But how about Todd Cortez coming right back? COLE That's impressive! Cortez scoops up Spencer in powerslam position, and carries him over to the ropes. Spencer struggles, then negotiates his way into a headscissors, taking Cortez over the top to the floor! Spencer then runs to the ropes, and executes a NO-HANDS SOMERSAULT PLANCHA, hooking Cortez on the way down, and taking him down with a HEADSCISSORS~! COLE/COACH CROWD HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! After a few seconds rest, Spencer slowly gets to his feet, and rolls Cortez back inside. He positions him in a corner, and executes a SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Denzel makes a signal to the crowd. COLE Could be time for the Carribean Compactor! Could we see a new champion right here? Denzel scoops him up, but Cortez slips behind the back, then catches him with a BIG powerbomb, holding on for the pin... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! COLE Denzel, how did he kick out of that??? Cortez gripes to the referee, then whips Denzel into the buckles. He charges, but Denzel steps out, and catapults Cortez over his own head, and Cortez lands on the turnbuckle! Spencer then hits a jumping sidekick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel rolls to the apron, then gets to his feet. He springboards in, but gets caught in a chokehold...as Cortez executes the URBAN ASSAULT~!!!111 COACH The Urban Assault! 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COLE But Denzel still comes out! COACH I can't believe this! Cortez picks up Spencer, and sets him on the top in the corner. He climbs up after him, but gets met with right hands! COLE Denzel trying to fight it off! However, Cortez fights back with forearm strikes, and climbs all the way up. COACH Could be a superplex! Denzel blocks with fists to the gut, then reaches his free arm between the legs of Cortez...and drills him with a CARRIBEAN COMPACTOR FROM THE TOP ROPE~!!!!!11111 COACH COLE The Carribean Compactor! From the top rope! Denzel crawls over, and hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE HE GOT IT!!! We've got a new champion! BUFFER The winner of match...and NEWWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST United States champion...DENNNNNNNZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LL LL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR!!!!! The crowd is insane as Denzel receives the belt from the referee and Master Blaster (Jammin') plays. COLE What an outstanding match, and Denzel Spencer continues his hot streak, with his finest moment! His first championship in the OAOAST! COACH I just can't believe this. Denzel climbs to the outside, and into the front row to celebrate with some fans. COLE Well, those people could believe it, and that's why Denzel's in the position he's in right now! Denzel climbs back into the ring area, and makes his way back up the aisle. COLE A big night for Denzel Spencer, and now, in just ten days, he goes to war with the Deadly Alliance! COACH Well, I think his big "hot streak" is going to be extinguished come the Great Angle Bash, Cole! COLE We'll find out, but for right now, Denzel Spencer is going to celebrate his first championship! Denzel walks up the aisle, hardly able to take his eyes off his new title. Which distracts him from a commotion back in the ring, as someone hops the barrier, again raising questions over security. Although nobody seems quick to stop the bigman responsible. COLE Wait... that's that Tommy G guy, again! Tommy G slides into the ring behind an unsuspecting Todd Cortez and from behind, bull-rushes him chest first into the turnbuckles! Cortez rolls away clutching his chest as Tommy G stares into the crowd, casually stepping up onto the middle rope. He sits, waiting for Todd to get up, eyes glaring at his target. And when Todd picks himself up, Tommy takes off with a FLYING TORNADO DDT!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE That DEVESTATING DDT, just like last week! Rolling out of the ring, Tommy G hops back over the barricade before security can come after him and he disappears through the people once again, leaving Cortez hurt in the ring once more. COLE This guy is seemingly following us, following Todd Cortez around the world and laying him to waste, for reasons that are beyond me! At first I thought it may have had something to do with the United States Title, but apparantly this man has, for whatever reason, targetted The Urban Legend specifically.

BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST World Championship! Fedde Le Grand’s Creeps begins playing as the entrance stage fills with a block of misty purple smokes. Entering minus his tag partner, is the voodoo warrior Uno. He chants a deadly song of black magic before stepping through his smoke to proceed down the entrance ramp. COLE Uno, profiled in this month’s OAOAST Magazine, it says he loves curry and hummus and has a strong fear of spiders. Arcnaphobia for Uno. But he’s facing something more deadly than a spider , and that’s OAOAST world champion Krista Isadora Duncan for the title belt! COACH Loves hummus and is afraid of spiders, you’re on top of your game tonight, Mikey. Gimme them bright lights, long nights High rise, overtime Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working 'till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world Hey! Dancers dressed in spicy red Buckingham Palace guards thrust and grind ontop of the flashing lights of the entrance stage. Coming out to a raucous ovation from the English crowd, the world champion shows off her union jack based outfit, of a microdress and matching scrunches and bracelets. As the fans continue to cheer the sexy dancers hold Krista aloft, allowing her to throw back her head and relax in their arms. BUFFER And the champion….she is from Los Angeles, California, she is a four time OAOAST tag team champion, a New York Times best selling author, a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the founder of FIT with KID, a loving mother, and world reknowned fitness guru, she is KRISTA ISAAADORAAA DUNCAAAAAAN! Walking like a model on a top of the line fashion show runway, Krista’s photograph is snapped by numerous photo journalists and fans alike. She puts on a welcoming and sweet smile as the lens flares appear on the camera. PATTY ASIDE: LENS FLARES RULE ON SCREEN! GO SEE STAR TREK YOU’LL SEE! YOU’LL ALL SEE! Krista struts her new balance tennis shoes across the open, as the pink and white lights continue to produce flares on the screen. The beauty of the flares is overshadowed by the titillating shot of Krista’s ten million dollar legs hanging her upside down the on the ring ropes. More camera flashes click off, as the Londoners to try to capture the tasty image for totally non-sexual ways. COLE Krista set to defend her world title at the Great Angle Bash against Theodore Moneymaker, but tonight the fighting champion has accepted a title bout with the voodoo master! COACH Uno looks overmatched, but yo he got spells that’ll turn you into a pumpkin, no lyin’. COLE Well its a gigantic opportunity for Uno of Los Conquistadors! DING DING DING A lockup begins the match, and sees Uno managing to shove Krista into a corner. “Nope, nope, nope, nope.” Krista sings. Curious, referee Earl Hebner wonder, “Why are you saying nope?” “The match wasn’t supposed to start this way, we need to reeshoot! Everyone get in their places.” Krista orders and then shoves Uno to the center of the ring. “Okay, now, if you don’t mind, re ring the bell, s’il vous plait.” DING DING DING Krista immediately strikes Uno with a dropkick, that topples him into the canvas. He quickly scrambles to his feet to try and gain his bearings. But failure comes to him when Krista begins shooting her knees into his skull. The blows back Uno into a corner, where the exhausted black magician falls against the turnbuckle posts. While he attempts to regain lost strength, Krista backs towards the opposite corner. After a mighty roar, and a wondering why she even decided to roar, Miss California charges across the ring in an effort to plant her knees permanently on Uno’s face. But the luchadore succeeds in grabbing onto Krista’s slim waist and uses that hold to set the beauty on the turnbuckles. “Call the quarters to begin, protect the Space enclosed within!” Uno begins chanting. “Dishwasher, computer, piano, surfboard.” Krista chimes in, “See, I can say random things also.” His chant interrupted and ruined, a frustrated Uno stomps towards his vexing foe. Unfortunately, the challenger walks straight into a kick to the stomach from the champion. She then backs her tennis shoes up onto the second rope. After mimicking Uno’s “magic hands” the fitness queen flies forward with a cross body block. However Uno recovers midway through her arrival and uses that recovery to twist her to the ground with a powerslam! Earl Hebner counts the resulting fall… ONE! Krista pulls her shoulder off the canvas, earning applause from the fans. But from Uno she earns several painful stomps before the voodoo master brings her towards her feet. He shoves her into a corner, where shoulder charges test defenses of her ultra strong abs. Failing to make a dent against the fitness queen’s six pack, Uno switches his strategy and strikes her in the face with a dropkick. Pained, she topples to the canavs and is pounced on by Uno for a pinfall attempt… ONE! TWO! Krista again finds a way to push herself out the pinfall. Unable to set herself on the attack, she’s pulled upright by Uno and struck with several forearms to the back. Having weakened her with those simple attacks, he attaches her into a front facelock and slings her backwards with a snap suplex. Just as soon she hits the ground, does he bounce off the ropes and comes back with a leg drop to her throat. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” the OAOAST Marks sing. Angered by their chants, Uno directs his rage on Krista by trapping his legs around her in a bodylock. She fights and squirms, pushing herself to her very limit to power out Uno’s harsh hold. She’s able to do enough damage to his grip to get herself out the hold. However, Uno does enough damage with forearms across her neck to keep her grounded. COLE Hard hits by Uno, very hard hits coming in this world title contest. With the damage done to Krista by his powerful forearms, Uno is able to reattach his body lock. Krista cries in pain, the simple hold doing much to wear her energy down. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the fans attempt to rally Miss California. Their shouts and cheers do their job; Krista is able to maunveaur her way on top of Uno. Giving the panicked luchadore no chance to reattach his hold, the femme fatale twists him over into a boston crab! COLE A rare submission by our world champion! It’s a hold that’s expiration date comes rather soon with Uno quickly reaching to the ropes. Krista lets him go at the referee’s behest, allowing him to slink to the corner. The second he returns to his feet, Krista charges at him. But right when she reaches him, he ducks his body down and uses that position to flip Krista over the top rope. Fortunately for her and her legion of admirers she’s able to come down on her tennis she’s on the ring apron. Uno attempts to derail her safe landing with a forearm. But Krista’s uses her extreme flexibility to strike him in the head with a kick. As he staggers, backwards dizzied by the kick Krista elevates herself to the top rope. After checking out her lovely face on a closeup on the angle tron, she springs forward and nails Uno to the ground with a swanton press! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” “Rain to me...rain to me... bring water down in soft degree,” Uno begins chanting, “I evoke the element of water….. in the name of MMMMMMMMF” Krista silences Uno by shoving her scrunchie into his mouth! COLE Was he trying to summon a flood? COACH Not only would help wash some of these stink ass brits we’d also get Krista in a wet t-shirt. Uno rolls back to his feet, searing through his mask, angered over having his chant interrupted. He throws a forearm at the beautiful champion, but she uses that arm to launch him into a corner. He collides back first with the ringposts and sags in exhaustion. Krista stands at the center of the ring and treats the fans to a lusty showcase by hiking up her skirt to show bethonged buns. While the crowd cheers the display Krista runs across the ring and uses her buns of steel to blast Uno in the face. “YEAAAAAA!” Uno stumbles about the ring, his groggy state misleading his direction. Its for that reason he walks into an enziguri by Krista. A pin is counted by Hebner… ONE! TWO! Uno gets the shoulder off the canvas, which does not please the pro-Krista London audience. COLE Uno, hanging in there, even though his “spells” haven’t worked thus far. COACH Why do you say spells that way? Why can’t you respect his religious beliefs! Krista and Uno come to their feet, and its Uno who strikes first with a spinning back fist. The blow knocks Krista around, giving Uno the chance to fling her backwards with a side Russian leg sweep. Uno quickly hooks her into a pinning situation… ONE! TWO! Krista kicks out the pin, bringing much frustration to the voodoo master. He grabs hold of her vibrant golden hair and attempts to bring her to her feet. But only halfway up she grabs onto his leather clad legs and trips him to the ground. The fans watch in excitement as the gorgeous vixen twists and turns him into a sharpshooter. COLE Again a submission by Krista, and again that’s something we don’t see very often from her! COACH Probably because she just learned you can submit people last week! “TAP! TAP! TAP!” the Londoners scream in Uno’s ears, but he refuses to act on their demands. He holds firmly, straining himself to fight off the pain. COLE Uno not giving up! “Ahhhh!” Krista shrieks, “Spider!” “Where?!” Uno yells, suddenly panicked by the arrival of his greatest fear. “In front of you!” Krista looks over her shoulder to scream. “I don’t see it!” “That’s because you have a mask on! Hurry and kill it! Its right there in front of you! Kill it! Kill it!” Uno starts bashing his hand against the mat, furiously tapping it to kill a spider he can’t even see. This, however, has a horrid side effect. Uno’s tapping is no different than a wrestler tapping out, and referee Earl Hebner calls for the bell! “YEAAAAAAAAH!” COACH What a dirty trick! BUFFER Your winner as a result of a submission and still OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION….KRISTAAAAA ISADORAAAAAA DUNCAAAAAAAAN! The fans are on their feet cheering for the successful champion. She meets their show of appreciation with a simple twirl and a bow of respect. Once handed her title, her joy stops and she berates Hebner for getting fingerprints on it. That’s our Krista! COLE Out smarted and out classed, Uno just got tricked out of the biggest moment in his career. COACH Damn, son! Why you gonna do something Krista tells you. She facing the opposite direction and she gonna tell you there's a spider in front of you. Ten inches in front of your eyes! Damn! COLE Folks, we'll be back with the fallout from "Spider-gate" COMMERCIAL

We pan over to the ring where two JOBBERS stand in the corner. Non-point’s cover of “In the Air Tonight” hits and Morgan Nerdly leads out her band of thugs. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring, both hailing from the UK… TONY BROWN and GORDON BLAIR! Hands raised, the home county team receive little reaction. BUFFER And their opponents! Total combine weight 565 pounds, and accompanied by OAOAST Women’s Champion MORGAN NERDLY… DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VICE gloat down the aisle carrying the tag titles repossessed last week. As they approach ringside the crowd suddenly roars. * TWHACK * * TWHACK * Tango Bosley and CPA drop like flies after a pair of CHAIRSHOTS FROM TEAM HEYROSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH VICE getting assaulted out here, Cole. COLE No, they’re getting what they deserve. Morgan picks up the tag titles and flees the scene as OAOAST officials arrive to restore order. COACH About damn time somebody showed up. All riled up, VICE want them some of Team Heyross and vice versa. COLE Hot as both teams are, I’d say it’s a good bet we’ll see them face-off at the Great Angle Bash. GREAT ANGLE BASH OAOAST WORLD TITLE MATCH: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THEODORE MONEYMAKER WAR GAMES: DEADLY ALLIANCE VS TEAM ALF WOMEN'S TITLE: SOPHIE VS MORGAN NERDLY COMMERCIAL

In the suddenly sparsely populated Enterprise dressing room, Lorelei and Morgan are engaged in a heated conversation. Lorelei relaxes on a leather couch with glass of wine in hand while Morgan nervously paces the room. MORGAN Why would you lie to me? You said you’d be the one person who never lied to me. You told me out of all the people who don’t care and don’t want me, you’d be the one friend I can count on. LORELEI I don’t necessarily expect you to understand why I did what I did. Why I faked an injury. MORGAN You said you different than anyone in my family. LORELEI I am different. While someone such as Molly would rather see you drugged up zombie, that neither she nor anyone else has to help, I’ve tried to keep the real Morgan alive. You should be thanking me. MORGAN But, you lied. LORELEI So what if I did? MORGAN You said you never would. LORELEI Don't be so naieve. MORGAN You're the only person I can trust, you told me that. LORELEI I did it to help the real you, you could’ve left the camera man and the sound guy alone, but you decided to attack and torture them, because that’s what you as a childlike sociopath do. This world isn’t safe for you. Its dangerous, its dark and it will torment you like its been doing all your life. I know you. I know you want the world to come an end so you can watch everybody suffer. This world is not your friend, its not made for people like you. I didn’t want you to forget that. We lost at School’s Out and I thought you were retreating back to that over-drugged zombie the doctors made you. People like you exist to introduce chaos and order in the world, you're far to different to ever be ordinary. I helped you. And now you have a Great Angle Bash title match against Sophie. This is your chance to live the life beyond what they wanted you to be. Who are you? A docile, broken victim wasting away in the psychiatric dungeon or are you destined for something more. Done with her speech, Lorelei waves Morgan out the room and relaxes with a satisfied grin and a sip of her wine.

COLE Two weeks ago, after regaining and then losing the OAOAST World Title in the space of 5 minutes, Leon Rodez was in a dejected and callous mood. And among those who felt the wrath of that mood was his own niece, Jade Rodez-Duncan... COLE Well one man who took exception to that was Bohemoth, former friend of and In Crowd member with Leon. He set out to confront Leon... until Jade intervened... COLE Which all lead us to last week in Tokyo, Japan and a tense showdown. Bohemoth DID infact get some things off of his chest, confronting Leon moments after his victory over the bigman Jumbo. However it soon became clear that Leon didn't care what Bohemoth had to say. Infact, he seemed more intent on getting something else out of Bohemoth. Something more physical... COLE Bohemoth kept his word and we understand that right now, Leon Rodez is standing by backstage ready to talk to us... We cut to split-screen, finding a darkened space where Leon stands miserably staring down at the floor. Boos sound out in the arena, whether Leon can hear them or not isn't clear as they have no effect. COLE ...and Leon, we've just seen the confrontation between yourself and Bohemoth that took place last week. Now it seemed to me that you were trying to goad Bohemoth into attacking you. And later that night, we heard you telling Jade, you were privy to that conversation she and Bo had and that Bohemoth would "break his promise". Are you really risking infuriating The Monster and putting yourself on the wrong end of his anger to try and prove a point to Jade? LEON Well... that really doesn't matter now, does it? Because if Bohemoth really loves Jade like he says, he won't lay a finger on me. A faintest hint of a smile can be seen as Leon lowers his head. LEON Of course... if it turns that it's all a lie, that would be a shame. It would be a bad thing to happen to such a good person like Jade, don't you agree? It's just lucky that bad things don't happen to good people. COLE Well, we understand from OAOAST upper management that a contract has been drawn up for a match between yourself and Bohemoth at The Great Angle Bash, by request. So far, the match hasn't been signed, but I'm guessing you're behind this request? LEON Let me make this as simple as possible. Sooner or later, Bohemoth will break that promise that he made. No matter how much he insists that he has Jade's best interests in mind. Sooner or later, he will hurt me. And I don't want to get hurt, but I'm resigned to the fact, because if it's something I don't want, you can be sure it'll happen to me. So why the cherade? Why pretend like it won't happen? Why not just get it over with? Leon wipes a hand across his face. LEON Jade needs to realise a couple of things. Things I've realised. She's naive. She still sees the world as this beautiful miracle, she's so full of positivity. She needs to see the world for the cruel, harsh, unforgiving struggle that it really is. And by finding out that the man she believes in won't keep such an important promise, she'll find that out. Because the simple fact is... blood is thicker than water. No matter what Bohemoth says, no matter how many times he says it, he doesn't have her best interests in mind like I do. She is my flesh and my blood. When tested, blood is thicker than water. And the bond that ties me and Jade is a bond that will never break. The bond that ties her and Bohemoth is fragile. It's not built to last. It's only a matter of time... before it snaps. And when it does, I will be there for Jade. And she'll finally understand where I'm coming from and what I'm feeling. Leon raises his eyebrows. LEON Of course, if I'm wrong, Bohemoth won't lay a finger on me and he won't sign that contract to wrestle me at The Great Angle Bash. Shaking his head, that faint smile appears again. LEON I guess we'll see, won't we? COLE Well, uhm, Leon we thank you for joining us. No response from Leon as we go to full screen. COLE That was very ominous, wouldn't you agree? COACH Bohemoth's a hothead. That's what's ominous to me. You think he won't lose his cool and go after Leon? I know where I'd be putting my money. COLE If Leon is as manipulative and scheming as he seems, I'm afraid you may well be right. OAOAST SYNDICATED PREFERABLE TO PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR YOUR THREE KIDS BY THREE DIFFERENT WOMEN RETURNING THIS WEEK (MAAAAAAAAYYYYYYBE) COMMERCIAL

Backstage in a women’s rest room Morgan has Claude the sound guy immobilized on his back on a wodden board. His head is inclined downwards, and Morgan pours water over the face and into his breathing passages. I.E. he's being water boarded. MORGAN Tell me who hurt Lorelei! CLAUDE I don’t know! MORGAN You have to know! You’re the only one who can know! You and the camera guy were the first two people on the scene, you saw who did it. You must have. CLAUDE I can’t tell you! I just can’t! MORGAN You have to tell me, there’s no choice. I have to know. I can’t go back to Lorelei and act like I don’t know. What will she think of me? You have to tell me. Now! Now! CLAUDE It was no one. Nobody did it. She faked the whole thing. She said I’d be fired if I told. MORGAN Don’t lie to me! I’ve been lied to all my life. I just want someone to tell me the truth. CLAUDE I am! Check and see if there’s any bruises. You’ll see! MORGAN LIAR! ZAAAAAAAAAAP! COACH Yo that dude just got murked! You know water and electricity don't match. That dude dead! Zaaap AHHHHHH burned skin, son, burned skin! Obama and the UN couldn't save you this time nigga! Taliban be getting more human treatment than Claude the sound guy, fuck kinda name is Claude anyway, I'd swing on that nigga if I ever saw him again. COMMERCIAL

We return from break with an image of the lovely English city "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana begins to waft through the arena to a loud chorus of boos. And little wonder. Big smiles on their faces, Logan and Synth appear waving pieces of paper, which a closer camera shot shows us are "MISSING PERSON" posters with Jamie O'Hara's face on them and a massive $5 reward for any information. The Heavenly Rockers try to hand out their fliers, with little success, on their way to the ring with Abdullah, in ring gear, and Holly behind. BUFFER The following contest is a three on two Handicap Match, set for one fall. Introducing team number one. Accompanied to the ring by HOLLY! First, the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR... LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HHHEEEEEEEAAAAAVVVEEEEENNLLLLYYYYYYYY... RRRRRRROOOOOOOCCKKEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!! And their tag team partner for the night, "THE SPEAKER FOR THE PROPHETS", ladies and gentlemen ABDULLAH AABBIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR... NNEEERRRRRDDLLLLYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Entering the ring, Logan breaks out into air guitar while Synth takes a microphone. SYNTH LONDON ENGLAAAAAAAANNDD!!! Synth raises the microphone high in the air and bangs his head, rocking out to... boos. Logan takes the microphone from him with a smug smile on his face. LOGAN Right now we wanna take it down a notch and get serious for a lil' minute. See, we'v... HEY, SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTHS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Ever the hothead, Logan is calmed down by his more spiritual partners as the crowd's heckling gets to him. LOGAN See, we've been in England for a few days now and we're worried. We're real worried. We've looked high and low, in every club, every bar, every stadium we've been to. And #we stiiiilll... haven't found... who we're lookin' fooorrrr#!! And... well, we got so worried, we eventually had to file a missing person's report! Has anybody in this arena seen Jamie O'Hara? COLE Oh come on. LOGAN Last seen walking towards obscurity with his hands in those ridiculously deep pockets of his! His only two friends in the world are desperately waiting for your information. So we encourage you to search your gutters and your homeless shelters and if you know of his whereabouts, please, laugh in his face for us. Thank you! The already hostile crowd get even further on The Heavenly Rockers' backs as they laugh it up at the expense of their countryman. The noise in the arena turns to cheers when "Like The Angel" by Rise Against powers out. Jogging onto the stage, The Christ Air Express glare at their opponents for a few seconds, before setting off their blue and orange pyro rockets with the leaping double high-five. BUFFER And their opponents... from Edmonton, Alberta Canada! Accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY! Total combined weight, three hundred and seventy pounds... the team of MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Making a determined walk to the ring, MARV and MEL don't rush in, realising they're outnumbered. COLE I didn't think it were possible, but The Heavenly Rockers have somehow made themselves less popular than they arrived here in London. And it's mainly they're doing which means MARV and MEL don't have their buddy Jamie to call on, here in his home country of England. COACH Oh yes, it's aaalll Logan and Synth's fault that he's in hiding, too ashamed to show his face. Nothing to do with poor self esteem or a lack of balls, it's all the nasty men's fault. Did you get picked on in school by any chance? COLE Why do people keep asking me that!? MARV and MEL enter the ring, as Melody catches up with her brothers and takes her place at ringside. *DINGDINGDING!* Melody tries to encourage her brothers despite the odds as MARV starts off with Logan. "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" "LO - GAN SUCKS!" Riled up, Logan gets into it with the crowd. They lock up and Logan knees MARV in the gut, before measuring a right hand. MARV falls against the ropes and already confident, Logan does a twirl before he whips MARV to the ropes. Unfortunately for Logan, his twirling isn't over, as MARV flips him over with a flying headscissors! Still twirling, but now spinning out of control, Logan gets dropkicked, twice, sending him bailing to the outside. Synth comes in but suffers the same fate as MARV drops down, sending Synth into the path of a Missile Dropkick from MEL!! And Abdullah wisely bails out after thinking of coming in and being spotted by his brothers. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE They may be a man down, but The Christ Air Express is still blasting along at top speed! THR and Abdullah regroup on the floor before Logan is sent back in. He asks for a test of strength, only to try and kick MARV in the gut... and gets CAUGHT! COLE Logan caught with his hand, or more accurately his foot, in the cookie jar! Reaching back MARV tags MEL and together they trip Logan up, holding one leg each and MAKING A WISH!! A quivering Logan rolls outside and Synth again rushes in, again unwisely as The CAE MAKE A WISH on him too! They turn to Abdullah, who again thinks twice about coming in. COLE Things not going the way of The Heavenly Rockers so far. COACH Well that's because MARV and MEL are doing what they always do, being the 'tag team specialists', two on ones. But eventually that two on one'll become two on three and we'll see how great they are then. Once they've recovered, The Heavenly Rockers return to the ring and Logan lets Synth take over. MARV brings in MEL and the new legal men lock up, Synth grabbing a side headlock and getting shot off into the ropes. A shoulder tackle knocks MEL down. MEL quickly flips over, forcing Synth up and over coming off the ropes. The slightly elder twin then leapfrogs Synth and turns it into a sunset flip as he comes down! COLE Tremendous body control! 1... 2... No! Synth sidesteps MEL and waits for him to come off the ropes, ducking his head. Coming to a stop, MEL pulls Synth up and tries to send him to the ropes instead. But a reversal from Synth sends MEL off, into dangerous territory where Abdullah lifts a knee into the small of his adopted brother's back! MEL quickly turns around but by that time Abdullah is a safe distance away and playing distraction while Logan comes around and guillotines MEL across the top rope!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Having kept the ref tied up, Synth rushes over and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Referee Charles Robinson has to put an agitated MARV out, allowing Logan and Synth to put the boots to MEL, one from the apron and one from the ring. COLE This is the numbers advantage you were talking about Coach, except instead of three on two, it's three on one. COACH Whatever, it's all good. Synth makes a tag to Logan to cover up their wrong-doing and the MACHO Macho Mann comes in off the top with a flying double axehandle on the trapped MEL. Another cover... 1... 2... No! Snapmared over, MEL is hit with a fistdrop before Logan goads MARV into the ring. That allows Synth and Abdullah to drop from the apron and with a leg a-piece, drag MEL GROIN FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST!! As MEL writhes in pain, Abdullah and Synth sink to their knees in solemn prayer. COLE Give me a break! How disingenuous can you get? Logan drags MEL out for another cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Now that MEL is suitably hurt and after a couple of elbows driven into the back of his neck, Abdullah is confident enough to ask for a tag. And he gets it, to a chorus of boos. COLE Sure, now that one of his adopted brothers is incapacitated, Abdullah will come in to add insult to injury. Abdullah, ring rusty after his transformation from bad wrestler to manager, walks around MEL and picks his spots with a couple of stomps. Raising his hands to the skies, he gives thanks for his stomping abilities. The moment MEL kicks out at him, Abdullah quickly heads for the hills though, tagging Synth in mid bailing from the ring. And Synth cuts MEL off from a tag with an elbow to the back of the head. COLE So much for Abdullah's worth in this match. COACH He probably just got an urgent message from one of his gods. COLE Yeah, something along the lines of "RUN!" Synth whips MEL to the ropes and hooks him down with a clothesline to put MEL back on the defensive. He goes for the pin... 1... 2... No. With a scoop and a slam, Synth places MEL where he wants him and starts to head to the top. When he gets there, he pulls down his goggles and prepares to fly. However, objects start flying at him, distracting him. He looks down at the arena floor to find Melody Nerdly, flicking PORK RINDS at him! COACH What is she doing with those out here!? COLE Mid-match snack I suppose. And Synth is freaking out, the convert vegetarian! Abdullah rushes around to confront his adopted sister, screaming at her use of "THE DEVIL FOOD". And he gets a pork rind flicked at him for his troubles! COACH Religious intolerance sure is funny. All this distraction allows MEL to recover and CROTCH Synth on the top turnbuckle!! In comes Logan to prevent MEL from tagging though, attacking him from behind. Logan works MEL over with clubbing blows before setting him up, looking for a Piledriver. MEL counters with a double leg trip though and with a slingshot, he send Logan to the corner, CAUSING HIM TO HEADBUTT SYNTH IN THE CROTCH!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE As if the first one wasn't bad enough. MEL quickly rolls and MAKES THE TAG, bringing in MARV! Leaping into the ring, MARV hits a running dropkick to the back of Logan, causing him to stagger out of the corner. Scaling the ropes MARV goes after Synth and after some forearms, he pulls him from the top with an armdrag, sending him tumbling RIGHT DOWN INTO LOGAN!! The Heavenly Rockers end up in a heap as MARV heads to the top rope looking to capitalise. COLE The tide has turned and MARV is looking to get high! COACH Do you have to make that joke every week? Waiting for Logan and Synth to pick themselves up, MARV soars with a Flying Crossbody, pinning both men down... 1... 2... Double kickout! MARV hits the ropes and ducks underneath a double clothesline... and then gets tripped up by Abdullah from the outside! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And again, the numbers game! The Heavenly Rockers quickly pick MARV back up and throw him to the ropes. A double hiptoss is flipped out of by MARV though. He elbows both opponents in the jaw, then bursts forward and dives through the ropes, WIPING OUT ABDULLAH WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" MEL slides into the ring and takes the fight to Logan, MARV eventually joining him to go after Synth. The CAE whip THR into the ropes and duck their heads for stereo backdrops, but both get caught in front facelocks! Synth and Logan look over at each other and get ready to deliver stereo Percussion... but MARV fights out of Synth's grip with bodyshots. He thrown an enziguri... which Synth ducks, only for LOGAN to take the kick to the back of the head! That allows MEL to backdrop Logan and escape. COLE A near escape for MARV and MEL. With Logan down, MEL dives at his partner MARV, who catches him in a wheelbarrow. As MEL pushes up, MARV throws his twin brother away, towards Synth who he catches by the head and hits a Front Lungblower, LANDING ON LOGAN WITH A SENTON IN THE PROCESS!!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! What a move that was! Both Logan and Synth clutch their chests as they're dragged towards corners by the brothers, who head up top. COLE And now MARV and MEL going up, looking to finish this one off by getting some Christ Air! MEL lines up Synth, MARV lining up Logan, ready to dive... ...but Abdullah appears and from the apron, he shoves MEL off the top and for a flip! COACH One down. Momentarily distracted, MARV recovers to take off with the Shooting Star Press... NOBODY HOME!! COACH Two down. Synth crawls over and he quickly slaps MARV in the Camel Clutch, while Abdullah stands and berates MARV right up in his face, despite referee Robinson insisting that he get out of the ring. COLE The referee has lost all control here, he needs to get people out of here. COACH You weren't complaining when MARV and MEL were doing their thing. COLE That was two on two and at that point, you can go by referee's discretion, but this is totally different. Shooing away the referee Abdullah continues to berate MARV, while Logan goes after MEL. Picking him up, Logan twirls the dreaded finger as he prepares to set MEL up for Percussion. Suddenly though, a figure jumps the barricade. To initial confusion, a masked figure. COACH Seriously, do we not have ANY security anymore!? The crowd suddenly rise to their feet as the masked figure scampers up the turnbuckles. And just as Logan sets MEL up in the front facelock, the masked person leaps off the top with a BLOCKBUSTER NECKBREAKER, all out of sight of the referee!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COACH WHAT IS THAT!? COLE Was that who I think it is!? COACH ...NO! MEL floats over on top of Logan and with the strangely familiar masked man staying out of sight, the referee turns around... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* MEL rolls out of the ring before Synth can get to him and as he and Abdullah freak out, The Christ Air Express escape with the win. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... THE CHRIST AAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRRR... EEEEXXXXPPRRRREEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The Christ Air Express catch up to their masked assistant in the aisle and it's HUGS ALL ROUND to roaring cheers from the London crowd, with Abdullah and Holly going mad in the ring. Melody, huffing and puffing, catches up with her half-bag of pork rinds to celebrate. COLE The munchies are catered for, the celebrations are on and The Christ Air Express are winners, thanks to... who we can only assume is Jamie O'Hara! COACH Of COURSE it's Jamie O'Hara! He can hide his face, but he can't hide those scrawny chicken legs and spaghetti arms! Thhat punk has no business being here... COLE Yes he does! COACH Not under a MASK he doesn't! The celebrations at getting one over on The Heavenly Rockers continue from the trio in the aisle, the London crowd certainly sure that the man under the mask is their fellow Brit. Abdullah seems sure too and rages at the referee to overturn the decision, but that's not going to happen and he's left to curse the name Jamie O'Hara, again.

Backstage in a secluded area we find.... MORGAN NERDLY Backstage we find Morgan looking much more cheerful than usual and talking on her blackberry MORGAN Hi, my name is Katie Phillips! I work here in the arena, is this Claude Jones, chief audio technician? CLAUDE Yeah. MORGAN I found some wiring where I’m at, and it all has your name on it. Would you like me to bring it back to you? CLAUDE I can come and get it. MORGAN You can? That’s super! CLAUDE On my way now. CLICK! Morgan frowns as she stashes her blackberry into her purse. LATER TONIGHT OAOAST WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS UNO TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Backstage in the Enterprise dressing room, a suit clad Theodore Moneymaker paces across the well adorned room. CMJ and Spencer Reiger relax on one leather couch, while Lorelei DeCenzo and Christian Wright MONEYMAKER I’ve gathered us all here today because there has been a gross error made in this very organization. There are sharks in our waters and we sit in the middle of the deadly ocean with spongebob square pants booties on our bodies. We above all else have placed ourselves in a position where all paths that are available lead directly to out and out failure. It is truly a shame a group that has owned sports and entertainment with a firm iron cast grip is reduced to being swindled by a tree hugging hippy fitness model. What’s even more troubling and shameful is that everyone of you is directly responsible. CMJ MONEYMAKER Yes you to, Collin. When The Enterprise had Ned, Simon, Molly, Lorelei, Christian, Alix, and CPA and Bosley everything ran with the precision and perfection of big ben. But I change the lineup around and I am thrown into chaos. The previous incarnations never let me so blindly place my faith in the hands of a woman who exists only to spurn my affections and torment my heart. REIGER I tried to tell you last week, women can’t be trusted. Never, ever. MONEYMAKER Fault your lack of conviction in your words. Lay no blame at my feet. Reiger just grumbles in response, until Christian elbows him in the side. REIGER Uh….Sorry. MONEYMAKER There will be time for retributions, my friends! Our moment of ultimate victory nears with each passing second. I have negotiated with Josie a showdown at The Great Angle Bash. I will put up my shares in FIT with KID and our dear Krista will put up her world title. Who walks away with the prizes is my choice and mine alone. I own this destiny! LORELEI Teddy, that’s great! MONEYMAKER It goes above great. It goes to history defining. I promise to all of you success no matter what the cost in human casualty. I will let nothing and nobody stand in the way of my domination over Krista’s domain. I will not fail, and I will be stopped by no man.

Coming back from break and image of the largest city in England greets us Rock Your Baby hits, as the lights go out and the giant multi-colored disco ball comes down from the ceiling. A haze-like smoke fills the entryway, and Vinny Valentine struts through, followed by Biff Atlas and Tony Tourettes. COLE Back on HeldDOWN with some tag team action! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, accompanied by Tony Tourettes, at a combined weight of 448 pounds...the team off BIFF ATLAS and VINNY VALENTINE...PANIC AT THE DISSSSSSSSSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Vinny slides into the ring, and starts to get down. BUFFER Their opponents, already in the ring, from Glasgow, Scotland, at a combined weight of 430 pounds...DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT, THE LAST KINGS OF SSSSSSSSSSSSCOTLANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! The lights come back on, and everybody gets down to their ring gear, then the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Vinny and Scott tie-up, and Scott backs Vinny into a corner. Vinny turns Scott around, then backs off. He throws a right hand, which Scott blocks, and starts firing off rights of his own! A big right sends Vinny down to the mat, as Biff and Danny both jump into the ring. The Kings back Vinny and Biff into opposite corners, and whip them towards one another. Vinny and Biff DOSIE-DO~!, but run right into dropkicks! Vinny and Biff then stagger back into another dosie-do, resulting in dropkicks from the opposite team members! Vinny and Biff roll to the outside as the crowd cheers on the Kings! COLE The Last Kings of Scotland with some nice teamwork, and Vinny and Biff out to the floor! Vinny and Biff regroup, and Biff sneaks in and attacks Scott from behind with a double axhandle! COACH Biff with a shot from behind, can you imagine the force behind those blows, Cole? COLE Oh, please. Biff picks up Scott, and executes a vertical suplex. He then backs into the ropes, and goes for an elbowdrop, but Scott rolls out of the way! COLE Scott looking to make a tag here to his partner Danny Boy... However, Biff manages to grab the foot, and makes a tag to Vinny, who drops an elbow to the back! COLE And now Vinny Valentine in the ring! Vinny picks up Scott, and executes a backbreaker, then picks him up around the waist and rams him into the corner. COACH And Vinny working over the back of Scottish Scott! Vinny makes a tag to Biff, who comes in with a Canadian backbreaker. COLE The formerly named "Safety Lock" applied by Biff Atlas, continuing to work the back! Scott manages to get his feet on the ropes, and pushes himself off, landing in front of Biff, and delivering some right hands. Biff makes a blind tag to Vinny, then reverses the Irish whip, and drops down. Scott hops over, right into a Vinny stun gun! COACH I'll tell you, Vinny and Biff looking really good in this match! Vinny covers... 1... 2... Danny Boy saves! COLE And Danny Boy breaking up the count! The referee forces Danny Boy out, as Biff comes back in for a double-team Irish whip, but Scott ducks a clothesline, and bowls over both guys with a flying bodypress! He then crawls over and makes the tag to Danny Boy! COLE And there's a tag! Danny Boy comes in and hits Vinny with right hands, then backs into the ropes, and floors him with a running forearm! Cover... 1... 2... Biff saves! Scott jumps Biff from behind, and it's a four-man brawl in the ring, but the crowd has their eyes on the entryway, and Reject leading a massive Russian wrestler to the ring. COLE Wait a minute! Here comes Reject, but who is that with him? Reject points to the ring, and the big man climbs onto the apron and over the top rope, then starts a MASSIVE clothesline to Danny Boy, followed by one to Biff! COACH Look at the big man dominate! *DING DING DING* COLE And the referee with no choice but to throw this one out! The big man then floors Vinny with a MAFIA KICK, then picks up Scott in a fireman's carry, spinning him around, then catching him with a SPEAR in mid-air! COACH WOW, what a move that was! The big man holds his arms out, and lets a monstrous roar out to the crowd. He then grabs Danny Boy by the throat, lifting him off the mat, right onto his shoulders, and executing a SITOUT POWERBOMB~! The big man gets to his feet, where he comes face-to-face with Tony Tourettes. COACH Tony better get out of there.. TONY YOU FAGGOT! WE HAD IT WON! WE WERE GONNA MAKE 'EM PLAY BAGPIPES OUT THEIR ASSHOLE! ACK... The "ack" comes as a result of the big man's hand to his throat, but Tony escapes harm as a result of a top rope elbowsmash from Vinny, which has no effect on the big man, but causes him to turn his attention, as he drills Vinny with a running headbutt! COLE And this big man, under the order of Reject, has caused major carnage in the ring! The Wall by Kansas plays, as the big man lets out another roar, and Reject grabs one of his hands as he raises it. COLE We hope to find out more about this monster as the show goes on! But right now, let's go to...

And now, FRUTTI PEBBLES cereal presents the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK! LAST WEEK …cut to our backstage interview area. There OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan is joined by VICE, the One & Only World tag team title around their shoulders. BRANNIGAN If a picture is worth a thousand words, then video footage must be worth a million. Snubbed in their eyes by Team Heyross, my guests vowed to teach, or rather BEAT respect into them. What occurred next was the definition of highway robbery. I thought it wasn’t about the tag titles? CPA Isn’t a person allowed to change their mind, man? Yeah, the tag straps weren’t part of our mission objective, but they were just sitting there all alone. BRANNIGAN I didn’t know you were such a sensitive guy. BOSLEY You wanna be a clown, go to the circus. Right now you’re hanging with the One & Only World tag team champions, so show a little respect. Unless of course you’d like to end up like the other two clowns who disrespected us. BRANNIGAN I remind you, gentlemen, just because you stole the titles doesn’t mean you’re the champions. CPA (laughs) Can you believe this guy? BOSLEY He’s like the rest of them, always hating. But I remind YOU that possession is 9/10ths of the law, Brannigan. And who’s got possession? Hmm? BRANNIGAN (under breath) You do. CPA Yo, man, I think I’m hard of hearin’. So help a brother out and say that again. Louder. BRANNIGAN You do! BOSLEY It‘s gotta suck being wrong. We’re outta here. VICE exit as Brannigan watches on. LATER TONIGHT ROCK N ROLL EXPRESS CHRIST AIR EXPRESS VS THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS AND ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY TONIGHT! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA VS UNO TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Man you might as well pick St.mary's junior varsity field hockey team to root for than any cleveland team. That city ain't had a pro sports title win since maybe the 40's. That's like me deciding to root for Newcastle. THANK GOD FOR THAT! MJ stay simpin these hoodbogger hos... The GOAT Kobe keeps on winning Shaq:

Lemme tell you haters a story I was driving near the old coliseum real late last night, "purple rain" by prince blasting out my speakers I pull up in 41s for my connec. and I almost run over some unsupervised child who jets across the street without looking. I turn on my high beams so I can see what the fuck this kid was running for, and I see the most amazing thing ever There were approximately 300 little kids in a layup line. They were practicing the double clutch shot kobe hit over dwight in game 5. I found the little kid that jumped in front of my car and talked with him Me: Why the fuck did you jump in front of my car? Kid: Im sorry sir, I just wanted to go work on my double clutch Me: It's cool. What grade are you in? Kid: 5th Me: Bet. You doing good in school? Kid: Yeah, I got straight A's last year and got high marks on my standardized tests Me: Oh shit, thats great. You excited? Kid: Excited for what? n1gga I aint do shit yet. I got 7 grades left. Kobe's drive and determination rubbin off on the hood, man. I drove through skid row and baseheads and tricks were dancing in the street. No they didn't get some of that crack rock, they got hope for a better tomorrow from a little team called the Los Angeles Lakers. Please use this thread to share ways the Lakers title victory has inspired yourself and those in your community.

From exotic London OAOAST World Title Krista V Uno (not the most worthy of challengers but I have my reasons!)

oops

Maaaaaaaaaan, I fell asleep while posting it. Very excellent show, even if I did doze off I still like posting that kind of show. Imagine if we had more writers All segments are in except Zack Vs Riggs. Again very good show.

Embraced warmly by the Japanese crowd, Zack heads to the ring, as streamers are thrown and his golden pyro showers down at the top of the ramp. As he enters the ring, James Riggs pounces, attacking Zack as he comes through the ropes! DING! DING! DING! The bell sounds, and Riggs hammers on Zack, who quickly hits an inverted atomic drop...AND THEN SCHOOL'S OUT! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! The fans, who had barely finished roaring for Zack's entrance, go wild, as Malibu has immediately gotten his hand raised here tonight! COLE Unbelievable! I'm pretty sure that was a record! COACH Riggs wasn't ready! He didn't hear the bell! COLE I don't think a bell mattered to him when he was acting out before it even rang in the first place! "Getting Away With Murder" kicks up just as soon as it had ended, and Malibu has his hand raised, however Anglesault comes out to the ramp, asking for the music to be cut! ANGLESAULT Zack, congratulations. That right there proved a few things to me. One, it showed me that James Riggs, who came BEGGING ME for a shot, doesn't deserve it. Secondly, it showed me that you're talking what I've been saying to you to heart. I can see that you're trying to regain that killer instinct. So, since victory came so easily tonight, and since our Japanese fans were the ones who dubbed you the Modern Day Warrior, I think that we should showcase some of that warrior spirit, and keep on fighting! The crowd roars, but Zack looks perplexed as to why Anglesault is springing this on him now. Still, Zack waves him on, telling him to do what he wants to do. ANGLESAULT Ladies and gentlemen, and this will come as a surprise to you, Zack, allow me to introduce your next opponent...a former OAOAST World Tag Team Champion, a Japanese wrestling sensation...GREEN MIST! The Japanese crowd, who are more familiar with GM these days than the casual OAOAST fan, pop for the appearance of the former OAOAST star! Malibu looks on as Green Mist, with pointed black hair sticking out of a ninja-esqe mask, heads down to the ring. He steps through the ropes, and as Malibu approaches ZACK GETS BLASTED WITH THE GREEN MIST, BLINDING HIM! COLE WHAT THE HELL!? Malibu can't see a thing, and Green Mist hits the ropes and nails him with a spin kick! He ribs off his mask and throws it aside, stalking Zack as he rolls across the canvas. He brings Zack up and backs him into the corner, nailing Zack with a throat thrust before he starts choking him! Zack then gets snapmared out of the corner and hits with two hard kicks to the back before Green Mist runs the ropes and hits a low Yakuza kick, blasting Zack in the face with his foot! COLE Anglesault continues to attempt to "motivate" Zack, first by putting him against James Riggs, but now he's brought Green Mist, who left the OAOAST roughly six years ago to ply his trade in Japan, back to face off with Malibu here tonight! COACH It's tough love, Mikey Cole. Even Anglesault is starting to realize that Zack doesn't deserve that Franchise name anymore, and it's fair game for anyone! Zack rolls to his feet, ducking a roundhouse kick from Mist and hooking the rear waistlock! As he carries GM over with a German suplex, Green Mist floats over then hits a quick back suplex of his own, then a standing moonsault! ONE! TW-KICKOUT! Mist pulls Malibu up and fires him off to the ropes, but Zack hangs on to them to prevent Mist's next move! GM charges, and Zack drops and elevates him over the ropes, but Mist lands on the apron! He turns Zack around and tries to drop Zack's neck over the top rope, but Malibu knocks his hands away and drives himself through the ropes, shoulderblocking Mist in the ribs and knocking him to the floor, then follows up with a pescado! COLE Zack Malibu is mounting an offense against his surprise opponent, and the Japanese crowd are more for the Modern Day Warrior than they are for their native talent! COACH Shows you that fans can be stupid worldwide, Cole! Zack picks Green Mist up and rocks him with a right hand, but Green Mist comes back with an overhead chop, cracking Zack across the chest! He delivers a hard kick to Malibu's left leg, causing the former World Champion to wince, then he hops up on the apron and hits a moonsault bodyblock, flooring Zack! COLE This is a different Green Mist, a deadlier Green Mist than we've seen in the past! GM puts the boots to Zack, then brings him up and slams his back against the apron before connecting with a pair of chops and a hard kick to the ribcage! GM sends Zack back into the ring, then springboards in with a double kneedrop to Zack's ribs, nearly turning all of the bones into dust with the impact! He pulls Zack up and slaps on an abdominal stretch, pounding on the ribs several times while Zack is trapped in the hold. Malibu tries to reach for the ropes, but he's not even close, and Green Mist then turns the abdominal stretch into an Octopus stretch, now working over Zack's neck! COACH He's tying your boy up like a pretzel, Mikey Cole! Zack refuses to quit, so GM manuevers out of the submission and hoists Zack up for a powerbomb, but Malibu counters with a rana at the last second! Green Mist charges, but Zack sends him into the ropes, dodging his attack, and sends him airborne with a back bodydrop! GM gets up, and Malibu nails him with a flurry of palm strikes before going for the ROARING ELBOW~!, but it's ducked and Green Mist hits a release German suplex! Zack comes up holding his head, and is met with more chops before being whipped into the corner, followed by Green Mist who charges in and monkey flips Zack out...but Zack lands on his feet! He turns around and blocks a kick, then another, then drives Green Mist into the turnbuckles, trapping him to unload with more palm strikes before sending him across the ring and following up with a ZACK ATTACK II~! Zack then hoists him up on the ropes, and climbs up, dragging the weakened Green Mist across his shoulders...HONOR ROLL FROM THE TOP~! Green Mist is crushed, and the Japanese fans applaud wildly as Malibu goes for the pin~! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and Malibu's hand is raised, although the music is cut short by Anglesault, who watches from the ramp. ANGLESAULT Zack, congratulations. You did the OAOAST proud tonight, and you made me proud. This is what I like to see, Zack. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up one more time for ZACK MALIBU! Anglesault leads the cheers, although Malibu doesn't look particularly happy with Anglesault's "surprise" tonight. Malibu's theme plays as he plays to the fans, and the cameras close in on a shot of a happy Anglesault, flashing a slight grin, as we fade out.

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We go to sofa central which is decroated in a feudal Japanese theme and a silk Japanese flag. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tokyo! Welcome to the highest rated sports entertainment show on TV, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We cut from Sofa Central to the ring where the legendary Michael Buffer stands inside a soft purple spotlight. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the NEW OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAAAAAN! Gimme them bright lights, long nights High rise, overtime Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working 'till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world Hey! To a large ovation, world champion Krista Isadora Duncan arrives on the scene. She twirls around to show the Tokyo crowd her flashy championship. As they continue to applaud her she marches down to the ring. COLE Krista Isadora Duncan fresh off her first successful title defense against Faqu, but still has to deal with the growing threat of The Enterprise. KRISTA Hi, Tokyo! “HI KRISTA!” KRISTA I think the hardest part about being me, besides having a girlfriend who thinks by eating the right amount of cat food and soy sauce she can time travel, is that every mistake I make is magnified by one hundred percent because of my celebrity status. I wear the wrong dress to Oscars, and BOOM there’s 30 different human yeast infections yapping away claiming your’s truly is the worst dressed of the season. Alix and I have an argument in public, and suddenly we’re on the verge of a breakup, and my alcohol addiction is the cause! They don’t bother to think gee the brunette is eating cat food out a burger king cup maybe the blond one has a right to be mad. No, they just pounce on poor Krista without ever bothering to get the facts straight. An anonymous hobo at a gas station says I looked at him funny, all of a sudden I’m a gigantic snob that kick homeless people in the head. But my latest mistake, my biggest mistake, was all of my own doing. Did I decide to treat Terry Taylor like an actual human being? Heavens no! My mistake happened last week when I found out my mother sold her shares in FIT with KID to Theodore Moneymaker. I thought my two worst nightmares, my Jewish guilt ridden childhood and a homophobic republican had conspired to bring me down. And I of course lashed out at Theodore as I always do when we have our little tiffs. Normally I’m justified, after all who doesn’t respond poorly to damnation to a “fag infested hell”. But this time I was in the wrong. I didn’t see the wonderful possibilities this partnership could bring. Its like Isarel and Hezbollah finding common ground. “………..” KRISTA Or Magneto joining the X-men. “OH!” KRISTA Yeaaaaaaaah. What I’m trying to say here in the 20 minutes of speaking time the producers have saw fit to allot to me, is I made a huge mistake in openly rejecting Mister Moneymaker. It takes a lot for me to admit I was wrong, I had to hold up the charade that kool aid comes from the blood of aliens after an ill advised second grade claim. I’d like to say sorry, and that I’m glad Mister Moneymaker believes in my company enough to pour some of his vast resources into it. Right now, I’d like for you all to please welcome my new friend and my new business partner. Mister Theodore Moneymaker! Wearing an all white suit with a pink tie, the billion dollar heir emerges through the entrance doors. He wears a smile as wide as the pacific ocean as she strolls down the entrance ramp with confidence in his step. “MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER!” chants The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator. The real crowd chants something far more vulgar. MONEYMAKER Oh happy day! Oh joyous day! I always knew in my heart of hearts that this day would come, and now that I behold it with my own eyes I am nearly brought to tears. “BOOOOOOOOO!” KRISTA Do not boo this man. This Benjamin Franklin. This Martin Luther King, this spiritual warrior poet! MONEYMAKER Friends and family have asked me too many times, what I stand to gain from chasing after Krista. These well meaning but simple minded fools had no idea of the earth changing power I could wield with Krista at my side. No, they were too narrow in their thinking and rigid in their judgement. They thought I was satisfying my ego, as if I’d be that simple. Few of them ever saw the greater outcome that would appear if I captured Krista. I did, because I’m much smarter than everyone else BWAHAHHAHA! I saw the revolution that would rock the foundations of the entertainment industry. I knew the history making events that would be born from this holy union. You all did not, because you don’t have the foresight of a Yale Graduate! BWHAHAHAHAH! COLE This guy is a piece of work. MONEYMAKER An unstoppable multi faceted war machine has been created here to dominate all aspects of modern American Culture and in turn the culture of the world. You may be miles away from the our base of operations in Los Angeles but you will feel the impact of this holy union! You’ll wear FIT with KID clothes, you’ll drink FIT with KID mineral water, you’ll eat FIT with KID nutritional dinners, and you’ll sleep on FIT with KID ergonomically designed pillows. Its all thanks to this woman right here. She saw past her misgivings and old bitter history and finally realized its better to stand tall with Theodore Moneymaker than be crushed beneath his feet! OAOAST Marks you are witness to a world changing event! The reign of Theodore Moneymaker begins now, the world is my court and Krista is my queen! Krista smiles her most charming smile which somewhat deflects the hostility aimed at the smirking Moneymaker. COLE Krista and Moneymaker partners?

Returning from break we find the hallway overtaken by the foul mood of Moneymaker and Wright WRIGHT I do wish I could give you an earnest hear-hear for your fulgent and glorious business scheming, but it would seem as though it resulted in the two of us looking as though we the world’s most halfwitted clods! MONEYMAKER I know. WRIGHT My god man, what were you thinking? Staking your trust in that lawless tart. Has time not wizened your soul? Has she not forced us to play the part of bonehead one too many a time? That she devil is not be trusted! MONEYMAKER I know. WRIGHT If you are aware then why would you let such a tragedy happen once again! MONEYMAKER I don’t know. WRIGHT If you as commander of this great army fails to make a proper course correction, I can only see Krista bringing upon the end of The Enterprise. MONEYMAKER I know. As Wright walks off shaking his head, a backstage attendant quickly approaches Moneymaker. BACKSTAGE ATTENDANT Sir, I think you should come outside. Snarling over intrusion, Moneymaker stomps after the worker. A brisk walk takes them to the... Outside in the parking lot we find Krista standing atop The Enterprise limosouine, like a preacher at the pulpit. Even more strange is that several pairs of very exquisite clothes as well many personal accessories lie on the roof next to her. At the base of the limo are some of Tokyo’s less fortunate, homeless men who jump like puppies for treats as Krista hands out gifts from her collection of clothing and accessories. KRISTA I have a Ben Sherman sports coat right here, who’s going home with it tonight! An old toothless man reaches through the crowd to capture the luxury clothing item. KRISTA Gucci watch? Who wants a Gucci? Several of the homeless raise their hands in affirmation. Unable to settle on who should get it, Krista simply tosses it to the crowd and lets them fight over the high priced time piece. MONEYMAKER That’s my stuff! Ignoring Moneymaker’s loud cries of protest, Krista continues to distribute his possessions without pause or second though. MONEYMAKER That’s my stuff! KRISTA Ipod touch, got an ipod touch right here! Unable to attract Krista’s attention, Moneymaker charges into the sea of the homeless. Forgoing any attempt at diplomacy, Moneymaker angrily tries to steal back his valued items from those that clutch them so dearly! MONEYMAKER This is mine! All of this is mine! HOMELESS MAN 1 性交しなさい! Moneymaker shoves the complainer down to the ground and swipes back his wrestling boots. HOMELESS MAN 2 ろばの愚か者! MONEYMAKER Shut up! Its mine! Its all mine! HOMELESS MAN 3 愚か者の道化師! The gathered crowd soon grows tired of the billion dollar heir attempting to retrieve his things. Rather than focus on gaining new items they quickly converge upon Moneymaker burying him in a mountain of dusty, dirty, and dingy bodies. MONEYMAKER Get off me! HOMELESS MAN 4 決して! MONEYMAKER Krista, get them off of me! HOMELESS MAN 5 死ぬ! MONEYMAKER AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! As Moneymaker is fully engulfed by the mass of human bodies, Krista giggles to herself as we go to commercial COMMERCIAL

There's a bit of a hold up in the show, being caused by problems backstage. MARV and MEL, The Christ Air Express, stand in their ring gear ready to compete. But there's clearly a problem and they look around, impatiently waiting for someone or something. That someone might not be Josie Baker, who stomps over in a bad mood to sheepish reactions. JOSIE Where is he? MARV Dude, I dunno man. He said he'd be here. MEL Ya know, he might have gotten lost or something. Or his train might be late. I dunno. JOSIE This is Japan, the trains are never late! Unless he shows up in the next five minutes, you can kiss goodbye to your title shot. I'm sorry but the last thing I need is unreliability. Laughter can be heard off screen. MARV and MEL's frustration turns to anger the moment they look over. Looking like the cats that got the cream, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS stroll into shot, with Abdullah Abir Nerdly perhaps smiling the widest of the bunch. ABDULLAH Is there a problem here Ms. Baker? Oh, dear, what's the matter... missing someone perhaps? What a shame. Now, perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement. Before that arrangement can be spelled out, a tense Logan shoves in front of Abdullah pointing the finger at the CAE. LOGAN Face it, your boy cut and run. ABDULLAH Logan, please... LOGAN He finally figured out he was a loser, so here's hoping you two take the hint and go join him in obscurity real soon. We'll be happy to give you a kick in the right direction! MARV Oh yeah? MARV and MEL have heard enough and jump Logan, leading to an all out slugfest between the two teams! Abdullah tries to get his guys to break it up but they're not listening. JOSIE SECURITY! Get them out of here! Get them out of here, now! All of them! A ranks of OAOAST security pull The CAE and The Heavenly Rockers apart and try to pull them towards the exits. Abdullah runs behind trying to convince the security to use non-violent forms of control, as Josie watches on, arms folded. COLE Well I'm not sure what that means for our Six Man Tag Team Title match, because it was supposed to be The Christ Air Express and Jamie O'Hara challenging for the belts, I'm getting that confirmed right now in my ear. Apparantly, no sign of O'Hara and The Christ Air Express are now getting thrown out of the arena, along with The Heavenly Rockers! COACH That's what happens when you put your faith in a loser. COLE If it wasn't for The Heavenly Rockers and this ridiculous smear campaign they've been on, O'Hara would be here, I'm sure of that. COACH But instead he's hiding because he's embarrassed, is that what you're saying? Boy, we're really missing out by not having a guy like that around, huh? COMMERCIAL

“Money Talks” by AC/DC rolls out the speakers and creates an instantly hostile reaction. But thanks to The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator it actually sounds as if people may be cheering for the duo of Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker. Moneymaker certainly acts as if its so, bowing to this imaginary adoring crowd. Wright can’t bring himself to pander to a fake crowd and merely adjusts his Brooks Brother blazers. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of sixty minutes! Introducing first the special guest referee, MITER THEODORE MONEYMAKER! And the challenger, from Washington DC he weighes in 8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD he is CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIIIIGHT! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” shouts The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator. “BOOOOO” hisses the real fans. Wright and Moneymaker enter the ring where they both shake hands and congratulate each other on just being richer than everyone. COLE Christian Wright has one of the worst records against Krista in the OAOAST, including tag team and multiteam matches Christian a abysmal 2-10 against Krista, his two wins coming after cheating in a scramble cage match and Mister Dick taking a chair to Alix’s head in a tag match. COACH At least he can say he has two wins. Most dudes can’t even say they have one against Krista. But she’s been beaten before and she can be beaten again. COLE But what role will Theodore Moneymaker be playing now that he and Krista are miraculously willing friends? Its like we’ve entered an alternate reality! Gimme them bright lights, long nights High rise, overtime Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working 'till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world Hey! A huge gigantic oversized really big ovation is heard from the Tokyo fans, as kabuki dancers dressed in fine silk kimonos whirl across the stage. Stepping onto the lighted multi colored entrance stage is the queen of fitness and the OAOAST, Krista Isadora Duncan! She looks more like she’s ready to conduct a fitness class than wrestle a match in a Lakers themed sports bra, and matching tight short shorts and white tennis shoes. Remembering that kabuki dancers are actually men dressed as women, Krista avoids any contact with them and skips down an entrance ramp that’s decorated glittering confetti. BUFFER And the champion….she is from Los Angeles, California, she is a four time OAOAST tag team champion, a New York Times best selling author, a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the founder of FIT with KID, a loving mother, and world reknowned fitness guru, she is KRISTA ISAAADORAAA DUNCAAAAAAN! COLE Krista named after Isadora Duncan who changed the face of modern dance, and Krista certainly changed the face of the OAOAST World Title, a very different personality from past champions such as Alfdogg, Zack, or PRL. She has her own style and her own approach that’s very unique to the world title. But has she conformed that personality to Theodore Moneymaker's wishes. Krista gives Tokyo their money’s worth by showcasing her sexy ten million dollar legs by hanging upside down on the ropes. After blowing a kiss to the drooling fans, she flips into the ring where she faces down a drooling Wright and Moneymaker. The billion dollar heir happily shakes her hand and compliments her on a fine choice of outfits. COLE It is too odd for words to see those two getting along. I didn’t think their were two people who hated each other more! DING DING DING! Moneymaker signals for the bell and latest confrontation between Krista and Christian Wright is at hand! A simple lockup starts things off, but it quickly becomes more complicated when Krista resorts to tugging on CW’s curly black hair. Greatly annoyed by Krista’s frustrating tactic, Wright appeals to his Enterprise leader. But Moneymaker only shurgs his shoulders saying that all is fair in love and world championships. Thanks to this Wright is forced to ram knees into her midsection. But the tight abs of the fitness queen feel little pain and Krista is able to throw Christian down by his tangled hair. Adding to his list of reasons to be disgusted she grinds her heel into his neck. Again Moneymaker says nothing, which is simply maddening to Wright. He wants to shout out at his bass, but thinks better of it and endures the pain. “CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!” COLE Is Mister Moneymaker favoring Krista? COACH Never mind that, aren’t Japanese fans supposed to be demur and polite? The blond beauty pulls CW to his feet, again using his curly hair. The Natural fights her away with European uppercuts that stagger her into the ropes. Next, he carries himself to the far ropes. He then bounces back only to find Krista in a bit of stretching routine. “YEAAAAA!” Wright closes his eyes in an attempt to avoid the embarrassment that usually follows such an event. Unfortunately this allows Krista to merely blast him with a dropsault! As soon as Wright hits the canvas, the world champion performs a flashy standing shooting star press! Moneymaker quickly drops down to count the pinfall… ONE! TWO! But CW kicks out. COLE Sort of a fast count there, wouldn’t you say. COACH No, I’d say you a clown ass cracka trynna stir up trouble where there is none. The Natural rolls back to his feet and exchanges blows with KID. Easily able to win the slugfest, CW traps the champion inside a front facelock, but instantly is warned by his boss of avoiding a chokehold. After assuring Moneymaker that he’s chokehold free he lifts her into a vertical suplex. But Krista uses her agility to slip through the hold and come up behind CW. Instead of striking him with a deadly move, she attacks him with TICKLING! CW Laughter turns to agony the moment Miss California drop kicks him in the back. Wright stumbles into the ropes. They spew him back towards Krista, and he offers a lariat in his defense. But Krista rolls beneath the strike and carries herself onto the top rope. She throws herself backwards with a cross body block but The Natural catches her inside his arms. He drops downwards and crushes her into the canvas with a fall forward slam. Moneymaker counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! But, Krista finds her way out the pin. Quickly rolling to her feet she strikes the former HI-YAH world champion in the chest with a series of chops before spinning around to pound his stomach with a ferocious spin kick. With CW stunned, she’s able to easily irish whip him into the ring posts. Wright tries to stagger out the corner but he’s trapped by a splash from Krista. Seeking to increase Wright’s humiliation, Krista rubs her rather busty chest in his face surely causing him to stand at attention. (Un)Thankfully Wright is spared too much embarrassment by Krista bulldogging him into the canvas. As Wright turns over to nurse his aching head, the world champion leaps onto the third rope. She flies back with a moonsault, but The Natural rolls out the way! Fortunately Krista comes down on her heels, and when Wright rises she strikes him with an enziguri! A pinfall ensues… ONE! TWO! Wright manages to kickout of the pinfall. He brings himself to his feet and fires off frantic punches at Krista, which get a warning of a closed fist from Moneymaker. Forced to refocus his attack, he captures her arm and throws her into the ropes. As she bounces back he grabs onto her slender waist and throws her into the air for a flap jack but Krista counters it into a dropkick that throws Wright to the floor. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The world champion then brings her foe to his feet. However, before she can stage any attack CW rolls her into a pinfall! ONE! TWO! Krista scrapes her shoulders off the canvas! COLE Something of a slow count by Theodore Moneymaker. COACH Knock that off! Cole’s claims of favoritism are enhanced as Moneymaker actually checks on Krista’s condition. Once she guarantees she’s okay, Moneymaker allows the match to be resumed. He actually aids Krista’s return to his feet, and stablizies her for a safe lockup with his right hand man. CW goes to the back and hooks Krista into a rear waistlock, he lifts her into the air for a German Suplex. But the super agile babe rolls forward and catches The Natural into a heel hook! “Ring the bell!” Moneymaker shouts. “DING DING DING!” CW AND KRISTA Moneymaker tries to placate CW by assuring him his call was for the good of The Enterprise. CW doesn’t quite buy this logic an stews in rage on the canvas. COLE Perhaps the easiest title defense a champion can ever have! Moneymaker, I guess, didn’t want to upset his new crown jewel. Smiling broadly over this most unusual match, Moneymaker raises Krista’s hand high into the air in victory celebration. Miss California has her own ideas on how to commemorate this successful title defense; chiefly nailing the billion-dollar heir with a KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Oh my! Distraught and enraged over what he’s just witnessed Wright charges at the world champion. But he meets the same unfortunate fate his leader as Krista pulls him down with KIDology! COLE The Enterprise left humiliated tonight in Tokyo! There goes the partnership Moneymaker dreamed of! Leaving behind her defeated adversaries, Krista leans over the ropes to flash an overjoyed smile at the equally delighted crowd. COMMERCIAL