Patty O'Green

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

done entirely by the lovely KC

I beg of you gentle sir, please respond to the private message I delivered to your inbox at thy fair gathering of noblemen better known as the real tsm. May god smile upon you, good friend.

Special thanks to Tony for posting the show during my unfortunate hospitalization, and equally special thanks to KC for covering my ass....in thick delicious Mrs.Butterworth's syrup. He knows what I like. The lack of tributes to my plight is disturbing, I could've had kidney failure I could've overdosed, I could have skin cancer, shame on you people, but you'll get your's in the end,god don't like ugly.

Attention you ignorant wcw marks who missed out on years of great wwf programming by watching an inferior wcw product, did WCW do an outdoor show at Orlando? Like inside a resort hotel and the ring was over a pool? I might have seen something like that as I was looking for the right television show to compare to dog shit. WWF! WWF! WWF! WWF! SUCK IT 3:16! If so we'll do something like that for this show, if no then I hope you all burn in hell.

I'm in hosptal on mom bb tony avenge mv death post the sho Kc sry bout my segs

Doesn't TNA tape somewhere in Florida, either Universal Studios or Disney world. That'd be cool if it was Disney world, because then dudes could dress up as Minny Mouse and lure another guy to the back for sexual relations and then BAM jumped by dudes dressed as Chip and Dale from the rescue rangers. A carefully orchestrated plot by the dastardly heel Scrooge McDuck!

Brought to you by American Express Taped: 4/23 First air date: 4/24 Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You Syndicated returns with pretty much the same thing it left with, decent matches and goofy comedy but now it features Queen Esther on hand to lend her thoughts and opinions in the brand new show “The Queen’s Court”. Also on tap re US Title and Tag Title bouts. One and only world tag team title ***Team Heyross Vs Los Conquesitadors *** Moss and Dos started the match, with the voodoo warrior backing the tag champ into the corner. Repeated knife edge chops gave Dos the chance to tag in Uno and together they got the early advantage by working over Moss. The former ametur champion was able to reverse in an irish whip into a small package at one point, but Dos easily kicked out. The Mexican than cast a voodoo spell on Moss as he climbed to top rope. His spell was a dismal failure as he missed the elbow drop, and Moss was able to finally tag in Benjamin. Los Conquesitadors tried a quick double clothesline but couldn’t take down the athletic Benjamin. The tag champion dorpkicked them both over the ropes and dove upon them with a plancha as we went to break. Returning from the commercial, we find Benjamin trapped in body block at the hands of Uno. Los Conquesitadors continued to work over Benjamin with elementary submission holds as the crowd rallied behind the champion. Their support saw him counter an abdominal stretch with a hip toss on Dos. But Uno kept him on the defensive with a missile dropkick. The two men continue to take turns in beating on Benjamin before he stunned Dos with a jawbreaker. A tag was then made to Moss and the audience exploded. Moss takes the fight to the oddball duo, hammering them with amateur throws and powerful punches. He wowed the crowd by strong arming Dos over the ropes with a powerbomb. Uno tried to right the ship by casting another voodoo spell but his spell caused referee Charles Robinson to foam at the mouth! Horrified he was rolled up into an easy pin by Moss. WINNER: TEAM HEYROSS, VIA PINFALL Terry Taylor caught up with CPA and Detective Bosley ahead of the former’s US Title match Todd Cortez. A man of few words, CPA merely promised that he’d show the OAOAST that the Riot Act Plus is no match for his dreaded Pigaton Punch. Its supposed to be Gigaton but I like the word Pigaton. The OAOAST honored one its greats on Syndicated with a “Jersey Retiring” of Jamie O’Hara's jersey hosted by The Heavenly Rockers, Holly, and Abdullah Abir Nerdly. O’Hara’s favorite New York Knicks jersey, “stained with the years of tears cried after painful loss after painful loss as well as the knowledge he’ll never touch a woman without paying her” so said Logan, was raised into the rafters. Unfortunately it wasn’t hooked properly and feel back down the ground. “Just like O’Hara career, a flop!” Logan said to laughter from his gang. On hand to give the ceremonial speech was Tony Tourettes. The highlights of Tony’s speech were when he compared watching O’Hara to having a live chicken crammed into his urethra, and when he noted O’Hara was at home choking on Joe Biden’s morning shit. ***Ken Pantera W/Vinny Valentine Vs Eskimo Kid*** The OAOVW superstar The Eskimo kid endured himself to the OAOAST Marks by handing out popsicles to those seated in the front row. Kan Pantera destroyed the good will by ripping the popsicles out the Marks’ hands and throwing them to the ground. Dastardly! Eskimo Kid fared about as well as the popsicles being crushed at the onset by the powerful brawler. Kid had a brief fluery of basic cruiserweight offense that gave him a glimmer of hope. But that hope was easily snuffed out by a bear hug from Pantera, who got the submission. WINNNER: Ken Pantera, via submission On the weeks edition of Queen’s Court….wait that’s the first ever edition of Queen’s Court I guess I gotta explain it. blahblahblahblahblahblahblah its a news show summarizing and discussing the current events in the OAOAST. This week Queen Esther and the Hellfire Club explored the stunning attack Leon Rodez did to his long time friend Zack Malibu. Lucius Soul did not not see the big deal, saying he pulled a gun on his cousin once for cheating at a dice game and he grabbed his mother by her weave and tossed her out the house when she question his involvement in the pimp game. Rico believed Zack got what he had coming to him, as he had taken advantage of Leon’s friendship for too long. Esther did not approve at all! Her belief was that friends were the most magical gift of all, and turning on them was like the sun turning on the moon. She even told a fairy tale of two Princes who wanted to court the fair queen in grammar school. Each day they would compete for her affections, first as friends, then as foes. Unable to stomach breaking up a friendship Queen Esther sent them both roses from her and told them to meet her at an assigned location. When they got there she sprung on them and forced them to kiss and now they live happily ever after in a flat in London. United States Title ***Todd Cortez Vs CPA W/Detective Bosley*** The two men traded arm drags to start the contest, which did not sit very well with the not-so technical minded CPA. More to CPA’s liking the two men began trading punches with Cortez gaining the upper hand by lariating his foe over the ropes. Bosley, however, provided a much needed distraction and CPA was able to hurl Cortez from the apron into the guardrail. CPA pounded on Cortez for quite some time before chucking him back into the ring for a two count. More brawling offense followed, and lead into a chinlock from CPA. Cortez found the strength to fight out the hold and hit a suplex that might have gotten three if Bosley hadn’t put CPA’s foot on the ropes. Cortez kept on the advantage hiting a bulldog and blocking CPA’s gigaton punch attempt with a belly to belly suplex. He came off the top with a cross body block but CPA caught him in set up for The Dominator. But, Cortez slid out the hold and struck gold with a Riot Act Plus. Bosley couldn’t get into the ring fast enough to stop the match ending 3 count. WINNER: Todd Cortez, via pinfall.

Well it like looks the only option is for everyone to burn in hell. Or we could just do the show from Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando with the same set up as WCW's Beach Party. Yes, I think you all will be spared from the flames of eternal damnation.

DO IT OR PERISH HO ASS HO!!!!!! Shayne came back during the AC got reinjured and came back at AM, now he's back for good. There hasn't really been any hints of dissension between Zack and Leon, just Leon's life spiraling into hell and Zack having something to do with it by winning his world title from him at the LTAS. Maybe, I'll let KC explain!

I apologize for my god awful posting skills. I have no decent excuse I have done a poor job and will attempt to do better in the future. Please accept my apologies.

Shit I feel like dudes at Lower Merion HS when they watched DA GOD DA KING DA GOAT Kobe "Bean" Bryant destroy bitch made niggas in the Association. We got reach, b, we go hard, this ain't a gang this a fuckin' movement.

Final Ride by Tru pumps its smooth gangsta beats into the arena and the fans put forth a wave of boos in response. From parting entrance doors, emerges the Deadly Alliance crew of Reject and Mister Dick. Both men pose with arms outstretched and toros tilted sideways as a beautiful cascade of golden pyro touches down on the entrance floor. COLE Stable warfare at hand with the In Crowd set to meet Reject and Mister Dick of The Deadly Alliance. All the stables in the OAOAST constantly trying to lay claim to being the best and this is a key match up right here. COACH The Deadly Alliance already has an Angle Award for stable of the year, they’re just defending the crown. Mister Dick slides beneath the ropes, and thoroughly disgusts the crowd by plunging his crotch against the canvas. Reject stands atop the turnbuckles posing for a crowd that greets him with open hostility. COLE The Deadly Alliance have a waged a nasty war against Zack Malibu, our world champion, attacking him last week and leaving him laid out at the end of our show. Zack is furious and I can't blame him. COACH I can't blame him either but that anger is going to be his demise. Its like Anglesault said he The famous drum beat returns to OAOAST television, and brings it with it the deafaning screams of sixty thousand fans. Being so excited that they're barely able to maintain sanity, the fans joyously clap along to Weezer's Beverly Hills. They nearly scream themselves hoarse at the sight of Leon Rodez, clad in an In Crowd varsity jacket as opposed to his usual robe. Rodez is more subdued than usual, preferring to avoid flashy theatrics and instead solemnly raise his index finger. His gesture is overshadowed, however, by Zack throwing his prestigious gold belt high above his head. COACH What kind of man is Zack Malibu. You robbed that boy of his world title and his chance at an Anglemania mainevent and now ya gotta flash it in his face? That ain’t proper! COLE Zack Malibu has the utmost respect for Leon Rodez. Both men know the harsh realities of this business but both men also know that they can depend on one another. BUFFER And their opponents,, Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan and Providence, Rhode Island respectively...they weigh in at a total combined weight of four hundred, twenty eight pounds. They are former OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RODEZ... ZACK MALIBU... THE UUSSSSSUUUUAAAAAAALLL SSSSUUUUUSSSSSPPEEEEECCTTSSSSSSS!! Malibu slaps hands with the fans that adore him so, but never takes his infuriated glare away from Mister Dick and Reject. The two Deadly Alliance members stand in the center of the ring, laughing at the memory of the beating they delivered Zack just a week ago. Rodez can’t do much more than offer a consoling pat on the shoulder, promising Malibu a well deserved revenge. COLE Reject said earlier tonight that the Deadly Allliance has done away with Alfdogg’s so-called convoluted plans. They’re straight forward and they’re colliding head on with the In Crowd. DING DING DING Zack Malibu stares a harsh sort of stare at Mister Dick from across the ring. The Human Hard On doesn’t quite match Zack’s glare instead shooting back a devious smirk. The two men come together for a lockup, as the crowd plants themselves solidly behind Zack. The overpowering strength of the Texas stud wins out and he succeeds in shoving Zack backwards into the ring posts. Immediately referee Clem Buzzlefoxer tries to get between the two to avoid any cheap shots. But his frail bones can do nothing to stop the hardbodied cowboy from aiming a wave of left hands into Zack’s skull! Buzzlefoxer tries to appeal to MD’s sense of sportsmanship but only gets a sharp rebuke for his efforts. But this exchange gives Zack all the time he needs to roar back to life and assail his foe with right crosses. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Zack’s flurry of offense comes to an end at the hands of a knee to the midsection. Mister Dick attempts to whip him into the ropes, but Zack reverses it. He swings his arm out for a lariat, but the Cocky Prick avoids it by shooting his head beneath Zack’s arm. He rebounds off the ropes, leaping up into a Lou Thez press, but Malibu catches him perfectly with a dropkick! The Franchise then makes a dash to the ropes and returns to strike Mister Dick with a leaping elbow. Reject prepares to enter the ring to aid his partner, but can’t even get through the ropes before Malibu boots him off the apron! COLE A little bit of revenge for the Eulogy Reject delivered last week! COACH A cheap shot is what that was! Zack had no reason to go after Reject like that. Mister Dick charges forward, trying to capture the world champion by surprise. But Malibu is ready for his arrival and beats him away with an elbow strike. The shot staggers The Human Hard On, which allows Zack to grab onto his curly brown hair and drag him to the US corner for a tag with the Silky Smooth One! “YEAAAAAAAA!” COLE These have been though times lately for Leon Rodez, but these great OAOAST Marks have stuck by him, because they know he’s such a great guy and they know things will get better. Thinking back to his bitter feud with Mister Dick, Rodez is able to summon the energy and strength needed to blast his foe in his well sculpted chest with knife edge chops. Once finished with his flesh shredding chops, The Grand Rapids Golden Child launches his foe across the ring into a neutral corner. Rodez then runs forward lifting his knees in hopes striking MD with a double knee. But, Mister Dick expected this move and easily counters but by shooting his leg forward and striking Le-Ro with a Stiff Kick! “Yeah, how you like that, Malibitch!” Mister Dick asks Zack as his partner writhes in pain on the canvas. While Zack grinds his teeth together in frustration, MD attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! But Leon kicks out, and Zack claps his hands in delight for his partner’s strength. COLE Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez as close as any two men here in the OAOAST, when one’s in trouble the other is always there to aid him. Annoyed with being unable to earn a three count, Mister Dick drags his feet to his corner and makes the tag with Reject. “REJECT SUCKS! REJECT SUCKS! REJECT SUCKS!” the fans hiss, drawing an irritated glare from the R-Man. Unfortunately for Reject the fans distract him his foe, and he’s taken by surprise by a running neckbreaker! As the crowd and Zack applaud Leon’s work, The Grand Rapids Golden Child rushes to the ropes. But as he returns Reject finds his way upright and succeeds in launching him into the sky. Fortunately for Rodez he’s able do a quick course correction and strike his old foe down with a lariat. Quickly Reject returns to his feet, but he’s promptly trapped inside a double underhook from Rodez. But after much struggle the former tag champ is able to force his way out of the hold. Leon throws a quick punch to try and maintain the offense but his strike is blocked by Reject who catches onto his arm and drives him downwards with an urange! Leaving Rodez in pain on the canvas, Reject backs to the ropes and uses them to push himself forward. When he reaches his rival he tilts his body downwards and strikes with an elbow. COLE Lot’s of bad blood between these two men, and even though Leon isn’t known to get angry losing to Reject would most assuredly hurt. Applying a strategy of constant tagging, Reject brings Mister Dick back into the contest. As the Atlanta crowd hits him with a barrage of boos, Mister Dick strikes the now standing Rodez with left jabs. Through with his punches, Mister Dick whips Rodez into the ropes. But the former world champion delights the crowd by returning with a big neckbreaker! A pinfall quickly follows… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick kicks out well before the three. The two ring warriors roll to their feet with both men firing off rapid jabs. Mister Dick’s superior punching power wins out and he’s able to toss Rodez into the ropes. Bouncing back Leon is struck by a raised cowboy boot that dumps him to the mat and curses him with a terrible headache,. Laughing over the injury he’s inflicted on the Michigander, MD reaches out to tag in Reject. The R-Man is met with a torrent of heat from the audience, that grows even hotter when he punts Leon directly in the head! COLE A HARD shot from The R-Man. Reject picks Rodez off the canvas and keeps him weak and subdued with a pair of forearms to the skull. As Leon staggers with grogginess, the native of the Bronx bounces to the ropes. But as he returns the former world champion stuns him with a sunset flip! COLE A cover! ONE! TWO! The fans boo as Reject quickly hops out the pin. He works his way upright but is met with a jab! And another! And another! And another! Rodez then turns to his adoring fanbase to offer them his trademark kiss. But his lips are nearly knocked off his face by a Stiff Kick from The Human Hard On! “BOOOOOOOO!” the audience cries out as Leon crumples to the canvas badly wounded by that surprising attack. But their jeers quickly changed to cheers the moment Malibu runs through the DA with a double lariat! “ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!” they chant, pleased to watch Zack mangle the two hated villains with stomps. The Franchise could strike his enemies all day, and he most likely would if it weren’t for Hebner clearing him out the ring. COACH The world champion playing dirty, Mikey. COLE Only because Mister Dick came in with a completely unnecessary Stiff Kick. Reject stumbles back to his feet and brings Rodez right along with him. The former tag champion attempts an irish whip but Rodez has the strength to reverse it and pulls in Reject for a short arm forearm. Hurt by the strike, Reject stumbles from side to side until Rodez leaps forward and strikes him with a face crusher. While Reject howls in pain and the fans howl in joy, Rodez rolls to his corner and makes the tag with The Franchise. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream to welcome Malibu back to the contest. He’s a far less warm welcome from Reject who pelts him from his knees with a thudding elbow. Reject then rises to throw a wave of overhand lefts against Zack’s skull. Tired of the throbbing headache the strikes cause him, Malibu shoves Reject away. With distance created between he and his foe the world champ is able to wind up for the School’s Out! But as soon he gets his leg off the ground, Reject takes it from under him with a basement dropkick! Malibu topples over to the canvas and immediately clutches his sore knee. His hands work as poor shields as Reject is able to rip through them with powerful stomps. Then the Bronx’s favorite son poses above his fallen foe drawing much heat from the audience. “REJECT SUCKS! REJECT SUCKS! REJECT SUCKS!” COLE Reject has successfully managed to make himself hated by 99% of the OAOAST Marks the 1% that don’t hate him are himself and his mother. Reject gives the fans even more reasons to despise him when he places his boot on Zack’s neck and chokes him mercilessly while wearing a joyful grin. Worse yet for Zack, Mister Dick distracts Hebner with vulgar ranting, leaving him trapped in the vile attack. Finally he releases his choke, but does so only to terrorize Malibu with more stomps. The kicks force him beneath the ropes onto the ring apron where Mister Dick takes over for Reject with hard kicks to the back of Zack’s head. Pleased with the damage his stablemate has caused Malibu, Reject drags the world champion to the center of the ring. Bringing him to his feet, he wraps his arms around his waist and drops him down with a gut wrench suplex! A pinfall follows… ONE! TWO! Malibu lifts his shoulder off the canavs, as the fans return to chanting his name. Reject however returns to stomping at his back before finally bringing him upright. He tucks his head between Malibu’s arms and in one swift motion brings him backwards for a release Northern Lights Suplex. He gives Zack no room or time for recovery and batters right knee with a succession of elbow drops. After the fourth painful strike lands, Reject keeps himself grounded to stretch Zack’s leg with a deadly leg lock. The Franchise groans in pain and frustration as his arms slap on the canvas to try and call back his strength. Fortunatley for Zack, Reject makes the costly of rolling onto his back, and this allows the preppy superstar to smash his free leg against Reject head repeatedly. The pain is too much to tolerate and eventually Reject hasn’t any choice but to release Zack. “ZACK! ZACK! ZACK! Hobbling on his one good leg, Zack brings Reject up with a hold of his funky coloured tights. He terrorizes Reject’s chest with European strikes snap off the spandex of his tights. With Reject wobbling from the agony of the strikes, Zack grabs onto his arm and speedily drags him down to the canvas with an armbar that pleases the fans. But there’s no submission forthcoming. Not even close thanks to Mister Dick taking his spurred boots into The In Crowd leader’s ribcage. “BOOOOOOOOO!” ReReject shakes the lasting remnants of the submission out his arm and attempts a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Zack kicks out, thrusting his arm into the air. “ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!” COLE Stable pride on the line here tonight. The In Crowd owned the Anglemania mainevent but you’re only as good as your last match, and if the Deadly Alliance can win this one and go onto win the world title other teams will be hard pressed to match their legacy. Reject brings Zack to his feet and keeps a grip on his gelled blond hair to apply the tag with Mister Dick. The Deadly Alliance works out a brief double team that sees The Franchise launched into the ropes. When he returns the duo attempt to take his head off with twin elbow strikes. He sinks back to the canvas as if he just caught gunfire to his face. COACH Mister Dick and Reject look like a team, they look like two dudes in the best stable in the world. Zack and Leon look like two singles wrestlers thrown together, and Leon barely looks like a wrestler period. Four months from now I bet that dude is Flex Phillips’ed, his career is toast. Mister Dick offers the fans some most unwelcome crotch chops, before dropping a knee across Malibu’s forehead. He then pulls Malibu off the canvas and tosses him into the far corner. Another crotch chop is given, this time towards Leon, and MD’s cowboy boots dart him towards Zack. He leaps his lanky frame into the air to give Zack a taste of his shiny metal dick. But, he instead gets a taste of the ring post as Zack moves out of the way! COLE Great resiliency by the champion! He’s not the going to let the In Crowd go down to the Deadly Alliance, not on his watch. COACH Don’t tag in Leon then. Mister Dick stumbles out the corner, face frozen in horrified pain. This is enough for Zack to reach between his legs and lift him for the Angleslam! But the legendary finisher can’t be pulled off as Mister Dick slides down Malibu’s back. Giving The Franchise little time to react, MD punts him in the testicles with a cowboy boot! Zack sinks over to the canvas, as the fans decry MD for his action. In response, Mister Dick leans over the ropes and challenges them all to a fight. COLE A heinous move by Mister Dick! The Deadly Alliance stops at nothing to win. COACH That’s why they’re the best, baby boy. Malibu is able to find the will and the way to get to his feet. But he’s unable to do anything more than that, due to Mister Dick clamping his arm around him in a headlock. He backs to the corner and applies the tag to Reject. The R-Man stomps at Malibu’s midsection in the corner until Hebner calls for a break. Reject follows orders but keeps Zack on the defensive by peppering him right jabs. He then swings Zack to the canvas with a twisting snap suplex, and floats over into a pin… ONE! TWO! Malibu kicksout just before the three count and the fans and Leon can breathe a sigh of relief. Reject gets the world champion off the canvas and throws him to the ropes. Malibu returns with a lariat, but the Bronx native effortlessly avoids it by swinging behind Malibu and snagging him into a rear waistlock. But his German Suplex effort is immedaitley snuffed out by a furious round of back elbows from Malibu. Angered, Reject winds up to attempt to level Zack with a wild haymaker. But the champion cuts short his attack with powerful knife edge chops! Quickly, Mister Dick makes an effort to come to Reject’s rescue, but Zack fights him away by back body dropping down to the canvas! Just as Mister Dick’s body touches down with brutal impact, does Reject rise to strike Malibu with a Eulogy! “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!“ COLE Oh my, that has to be it! That would normally result in a three count if Reject didn’t have a partner begging to be one who has the pleasure of pinning Zack. Deciding to be a team player, Reject agrees to MD’s request without argument. But exhausted from Malibu’s hellish punches he’s slow to crawl to the corner. His lethargic speed aids Zack in his recovery, and the Pissed Off Prep begins a painful crawl to Rodez. “ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!” COLE Both men trying to reach their corners, who will be the first to make it in this war between The Deadly Alliance and The In Crowd. Reject claims victory in the race, making a tag to the overly excited Mister Dick. With a grin splitting his face, he rushes across the ring. But that grin soon disappears when Malibu succeeds in applying the tag with Rodez! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick can’t even get his arms up in defense before The Grand Rapids Golden Child strikes him down with a diving top rope lariat! As the fans continue to root him Rodez battles back at his old rival Reject with hard elbow strikes. Mister Dick is able to head to his feet, but this does neither he nor Reject any good as the silky smooth one upends the Texas A&M alum with an exploder suplex! COLE He got him with that one! “LEON! LEON! LEON!” the fans chant, not noticing that the hated R-Man has ventured onto the top rope. Leon has failed to spot him as well and is a grave error as Reject plows into him with a cross body block into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Rodez kicks out at the very last nanosecond bringing out great cheers from the audience. He quickly works his way towards his feet, but can’t mount much of an offense thanks to powerful right hands from Reject. The former WDW world champion then backs himself into the ropes, using them to push himself forward at Rodez. But Leon cuts him down with a rapid spinning wheel kick! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Leon Rodez looking for a much needed win and if he keeps fighting like that he just might get it! Rodez can’t capitalize on his lethal strike, however, due to Mister Dick hammering his back with clubbing forearms. Weakening Leon with his powerful blows, Mister Dick is able to grab him into a Full Nelson to set up the pure penetration. But Rodez uses all the strength in his body to push himself free of the hold. Without giving Mister Dick a chance to mount a new attack, Leon KO’s him with a beautiful enziguri. “LEON! LEON! LEON!” COLE These Atlanta OAOAST Marks are loving Leon Rodez right now! Trying to take Leon Rodez by surprise, Reject assumes the crouch for the deathly Eulogy. But he ends up being one left in shock and in misery as The Franchise connects with a School’s Out! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans shout, overjoyed at the impending victory. Although not the legal man, Malibu hooks the leg for a pivotal pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! NO THUNDERKID BREAKS IT UP WITH A CHAIR TO ZACK’S BACK! COLE Damn the Deadly Alliance! ThunderKid gets in two solid wacks on his fellow OAOAST Original Malibu before Leon, having been sent back to his corner, notices what's happened. And as he rushes to help Zack out, Thunderkid jabs the top of the chair into the ribs and then CRACKS him with the chair across the back! COLE This is ridiculous, The Deadly Alliance are trying to pick the In Crowd off one at a time! COACH No they're not! You think they care about Leon? He just got in the way, they're here for Zack! But before any more damage can be done to Zack he reaches up and grabs onto the chair in TK's hand from the mat. Pleased with the damage done to the world champion, TK lets the chair go free and quickly exits the ring. Before any harm can befall his best friend and leader, he pulls Reject out the ring. Mister Dick soon joins them, spitting at the downed In Crowders. “FUCK THE D-A! FUCK THE D-A! FUCK THE D-A!” “Don’t know what the distract attorney has to do with this!” ThunderKid shouts back and then laughes at his joke merely because no one else will. Mister Dick and Reject avoid the corny jokes and instead promise and end to Zack’s reign as they retreat up the ramp. COLE The In Crowd should have had this match won, but the Deadly Alliance refuses, absolutely refuses to accept defeat in any way, shape or form. Back in possession of the World Title belt, and now able to stand, Malibu leans over the ropes and holds the ultimate prize high into the air. His gesture and his words dare the Deadly Alliance to return to the ring and try to lay claim to his championship. Once he sees they have no wish to continue the fight, he dismisses them as cowards and turns to the crowd, raising the World Title belt in the air. COLE I tell you what Coach, it's going to take more than what the Deadly Alliance brought tonight to take that World Title away from Zack Malibu in Montreal! Mister Dick isn't going to win that title on a shoddy DQ, he's going to have to BEAT Zack Malibu, one on one. COACH And you say it like you don't expect it to happen. But we all know what happened at AngleMania. This is just the warm-ups, trust me, Mister Dick'll be ready for Montreal! Zack continues to play to the crowd as behind him, Leon gets back to one knee, cringing after the vicious chairshot he took. He glances over his shoulder to see Zack climbing the turnbuckles, checking that The Deadly Alliance aren't on their way back as he gets to his feet and picking up the steel chair just incase they want to. Climbing down off the ropes Zack walks towards the middle of the ring to check on Leon. And after a quick pat on the back to his friend he moves on to the next set of turnbuckles. Leon, clearly still hurting, stops in his tracks and stares. COLE This crowd in Atlanta showing their appreciation for the World's Heavyweight Champion. All eyes are on the World Champion. But the eyes that matter are Leon's. Not just hurt physically, his eyes look hurt as well. As Zack steps down off the ropes he parades to the crowd again. Almost as if Leon wasn't there. Not seeing the eyes narrow, as he looks at the World Champion. A look we never see from Leon. Contempt. For a moment he stares at Zack, stares as his best friend holds the OAOAST World Title over his head, the OAOAST World Title he won from him months earlier. Suddenly he looks down... and when his head titls back up, there's an altogether different look on Leon's face again. *CRACK* "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Zack hits the deck from a savage chairshot to the spine, which he was completely unprepared for! COLE Wha... what the hell!? Throwing the chair aside Leon grabs a hold of Zack's legs before he knows what's happening to him, turning him over and dropping to one knee APPLYING THE LIONTAMER!!!! COLE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? Zack screams in pain as Leon pulls back, twisting away on the spine with an angry, almost CRAZED look. Gasps are replaced by screams from the crowd as Zack clutches his face anguished, being tortured in the hold. Leon continues to pull and pull, releasing months of pent-up frustration. Referees hit the ring to try and put a stop to it, but they find Leon unable to be reasoned with and he looks straight past them, completely ignoring their presence as he continues to punish the World Champion, who slaps his hand against the mat in a vain attempt for it to be broken. The crowd are shocked and can barely bring themselves to boo, just watching stunned at what they're seeing. ZACK AHHHH!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!! Having been trapped in the hold for nearly thirty seconds by now Zack begins to lapse out of consciousness from the pain, while the referees resort to more physical tactics to try and get the hold broken. But they can't prise the arms apart. Wrestlers now hit the ring to help, not just wrestlers but friends. The Christ Air Express, Citizen Soldiers, even D*LUX. But Leon isn't listening to any of them. And Zack has faded, no longer tapping the mat, no longer able to. As Shayne and Tyler try to reason with Leon, he stares blankly right past them. At which point, Jade rushes to the ring. His own niece, who stands no more than two feet from his face, screaming at him to stop, pleading with him to let go. Completely blanked. Until finally Leon lets go of the hold. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Finally some of the crowd can bring themselves to boo Leon, as he lets go of the hold. All of the anger and all of the frustration has drained from his face. Now there's just a blank, cold stare. Staring straight ahead, as he brushes past his own niece as if she didn't even exist! The referees quickly check on Zack who groans groggily in pain. The wrestlers who had come down to help just watch Leon as he slowly and carefully leaves the ring and calmly walks to the back, as if oblivious to everything around him. He walks right past the camera tracking in front of him without once glancing down the lens and disappears through the curtain. Leaving a stunned crowd. Shocked friends. And Zack stricken in pain. With the World Title lying symbolically feet away from his anguished face. FADE OUT.

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Folks, HeldDOWN is on the air from Atlanta Georgia, I am Michael Cole sitting alongside The Coach for another Thursday night filled with excitement! Let's get right to the action! BUFFER OAOAST Marks, the following tag team event is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, first hailing from Omaha, Nebraska and weighing 240 pounds… “SLOPPY” JOE MANWICH! His partner resides in the Everglades and weighs 215 pounds… OUTHOUSE JACK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sloppy Joe, a chunky red head wearing a stained t-shirt and jeans, makes a not-so-nice gesture in response to the crowd. Meanwhile, Outhouse Jack, a bearded individual sporting a green flannel and tan camouflage pants, whips out his HUNTING KNIFE eager to slice and dice. COACH Imagine these guys coming home for dinner, Mikey Cole. COLE I’d rather not! COACH Heck, Outhouse Jack would probably bring the dinner! Instead of a sloppy joe you can have a sloppy alligator! COLE “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and the Orange County Cobras are led ringside by Molly Nerdly. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY! From the O.C., total combine weight 460 pounds, the 2009 Anderson Cup champions… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Off come the vests and the OCC are set for action. COLE As summer nears, the competition is heating up in the OAOAST, especially in the tag division. Simon and Ned have made it clear capturing the tag titles is next on the agenda, but not if the gentlemen standing by have anything to say about it. A small but noticeable box swoops in on the upper left hand corner of the screen, where in front of a grayish background V.I.C.E. stand. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! COLE Well as far as I’m concerned, V.I.C.E. and the Enterprise duo of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright got what they deserved trying to stage the outcome of the AngleMania Payday gauntlet match. COACH Stage?! It was the most grueling 10 seconds of action in history, Cole. COLE Oh, please. Moving on, it appears Simon Singleton and Sloppy Joe will start for their respective teams. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and Joe grabs a side headlock out of a tie-up, only to be shoved off into the ropes. Simon drops down and executes a hip toss on the rebound, then a standing dropkick! His arm wrung Joe is whipped in following an OCC tag, and Simon performs a drop toehold as Ned delivers the POINTY~! ELBOW off the ropes! COLE Beautiful double-team work right there. Ned rams Joe into the top buckle, then STOMPS A MUDHOLE AND WALKS IT DRY! COACH Come on, referee. Blanchard’s gotta let him out of the corner. What the referee doesn’t do, or can’t, Outhouse Jack gets done, clubbing Ned across the back to get him away. Ned takes offense so he invites Jack to step into the ring. And the man from the Everglades does! COLE Look at this! Jack’s accepted Ned’s invitation! COACH And you’re surprised? The man hunts for his food, Cole. He’s encountered more dangerous mammals than Ned Blanchard. Both men lockup and Jack RAKES the eyes! He clubs Ned across the shoulders, and then slams him. Outhouse Jack drops the big leg and makes the cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Jack brings Ned up and rams… NO! Ned blocks an attempted turnbuckle smash and sends Jack face-first instead! Rights and chops follow in the corner, then a back elbow off the ropes. But little does Ned know of a blind tag. He covers Jack and gets kicked upside the head by Joe! COACH A couple more kicks like that and Ned won’t look so handsome anymore. Ned reverses a whip and back drops his meaty foe, then plants him with THE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! The OCC tag and THE ATOMIC BLOND (Rocket Launcher) is dropped!!! Simon makes the cover as Ned takes care of Outhouse Jack. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The OCC and Molly celebrate. COLE Simon and Ned continue to roll, perhaps well on their way to a fourth tag title reign. And we are well on our way to having a fantastic Spectacular for you live from Montreal on TSM its The Amazing French Canadian Spectacular! In the world title mainevent Mister Dick meets up with Zack Malibu and those two will also meet in tonight's mainevent. LATER TONIGHT STABLE WARFARE SANDMAN VS BOHEMOTH TONIGHT! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT STABLE WARFARE PART II DEADLY ALLIANCE VS THE IN CROWD TONIGHT COMMERCIAL

COLE We're back here on HeldDOWN~!, and Coach, last week we heard a rather cryptic message from an OAOAST newcomer. His name is Tommy G., and as I understand it we're going to hear from him again right now! We cut to Tommy G., smirking into the camera, rubbing his hands together as he addresses the audience. "So the two IDIOTS in the booth feigned ignorance as to my identity. I’d be offended if I wasn’t aware of how stupid they are. For all I know, they DON’T know who I am, being the cookie cutter store mannequins they are! Last time, I laid the foundation for my long stay here in the OAOAST. Those first steps will ensure that those who consider themselves bold—read: dumb—enough to stand in my way are eliminated. I have chosen my targets based upon what I have seen, read and…know. Yes, what I know. Knowledge is king, and you’re about to get crowned!" We cut back to Cole and Coach, who look like they've seen a ghost. COACH You pissed him off, Cole! COLE ME? How do we know he's not here for you!? COACH Why would you say that? COLE How many people do you owe money to? COACH How da...wait, you're right! COLE Whether it's you, or me, or anyone in the OAOAST, it looks like we'd all better be on alert. Tommy G. is his name, and he's certainly got motive to be here. We just don't know when we're going to find out, and I think that's the way he wants it! Out in the parking garage we find a Limosouine situated in a VIP parking space. Reclining on the limo’s hood, each holding a pair of baseball is… SPENCER REIGER and CMJ The Moneygang sits on top of the limo with CMJ thoroughly bored by the mundane wait, and Spencer relaxing as though he were catching rays on a beach. Both men’s interest perk up when Sophie walks through the doors to the building. Startled at their presence, she jumps back and eyes them with worry. SOPHIE Bonjur? Spencer puts on his most charming smile. SPENCER Bonjour mademoislle. Comment ca va? SOPHIE Ca va bien et tu? SPENCER Ca va mal. SOPHIE Porquoi. Frustrated with the language he can’t decipher, CMJ smashes his bat against the ground. This startles Sophie, but entertains Spencer and he laughes at his partner’s poor temper. CMJ Enough of this French crahp Spencah. This yah cah, Frenchie? SOPHIE Oui. It is Josie’s car, I ride in it. Both men shoot each other knowing smiles. CMJ Hehehheh. Looks like yah been cot out, eh? SOPHIE What do you mean? SPENCER What we mean, my pretty little Parisian dove, is we don’t quite understand why you framed Morgan? SOPHIE I did not. CMJ Ya stahtin to ahnnoy me. Yer sayin Morgan really did attack ya? SOPHIE I do not know if it was her. I was attacked from behind. SPENCER We don’t honestly care who it was. Could’ve been the ghost of Yokozuna could’ve been Bob Sagat from TV’s Full House, could’ve been whoever. Our problem is that you let Morgan take the blame. Morgan, in case you didn’t know, is good friends with Lorelei. Hopefully you can kinda see where I’m taking this. I don’t want to waste my time with explanations. SOPHIE I did nothing wrong. I was wrong! CMJ Quit actin like a faakin retahd, this ain’t got nothing ta do wit right or wrong. Ya framed Morgan! Ya shot yerself in the bahk, fell on the cahpet and got Morgan arrested to get ahead on yer title match. SOPHIE I did not! SPENCER Lorelei says you did. And frankly, Soph, you don’t get the bra size to counter her. Its nothing personal though. Giving Sophie no more chance to argue or protest, Spencer and CMJ take their bats to the limo’s headlights. As glass rains down to the asphalt, the two men move onto the windshield hammering it with their bats. Sophie watches on in horror as the men create deep dents with repeated whacks of their bat. More calm than his partner, Spencer flips the bat onto his shoulders. SPENCER Thanks for your time, Sophie, you’ve been great! CMJ Fakkin frog! CMJ delivers one last violent wack to the car, taking off its side mirror. The Moneygang then walks away, chuckling over their misdeed, COLE Those men are disgusting! COMING UP NEXT THE MAINEVENT THE DEADLY ALLIANCE VS THE IN CROWD NEXT!

Backstage we find Maggie Nerdly standing with the Deadly Alliance's Mister Dick and Reject MAGGIE What’s up ya’ll? Sad to say I gotta spend my Thursday evening with the two biggest jerks in the OAOAST, Reject and Mister Dick. REJECT You love it. MAGGIE Whatever. In tonight’s mainevent ya’ll gotta face the tag team of Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez, The Usual Suspects. So without makin me wanna puke or nothing tell me- MISTER DICK Leon Rodez, boy, you done stuck your nose where it don’t belong and now you gotta take a whuppin because of it. This ain’t concerned you, son, when the Deadly Alliance was beatin down Malibitch last week we weren’t sayin to him “Oh make sure you tell Leon this is for him to, sorry we couldn’t get to him with our busy schedule.” We were beatin’ down Zack Malibu because he’s the top dog, but he don’t deserve to be the top dog and we’ll be god damned if the world title is gonna stay out the Deadly Alliance any longer. Ain’t none of that got nothing to do with you. No where in our big plan to take the gold did you ever factor in, ya stupid twerp! If we wanted it to do with you we would’ve piped one of your jailbait Nerdly ex-girlfriends. Bunch a whores! REJECT You don't want to go down that road, believe me. MAGGIE I’m standing right here, man. MISTER DICK Or maybe we would brought up what a piece of trash title reign you had. I gotta apologize to the man PRL, when I told him he was the most miserable son of a bitch to ever hold that world title I didn’t know how bad you was gonna be. You only had one successful title defense and the guy you was fighting got drugged by a crazy clown. You’re a chump and a nobody, and unless you’re getting bitch slapped by Nerdlys you ain’t even worth putting on TV. You set the world title back years and yer boyfriend Zack Malibu ain’t doin it no favors. Malibitch, you listen to me, son, I don’t know who you thought you were comin out and attackin’ me like you did last week. That ain’t how civilized folk conduct business. You’re as stupid as you look because you shoulda known the minute you hit the Human Hard On, you had all the other pitbulls in the DA comin for you. I was content to just say my piece and let you say your’s but you showed up swinging, you started a fight and we finished it. We also gonna finish your world title run. This ain’t just a Mister Dick achievement or nothin like that. This is group wide Deadly Alliance effort. I ain’t the only one gonna be world champion, it’s the whole Deadly Alliance wearin that gold! You got a stable full of overrated hasbeens backing you up, and we’re the strongest group in this damn business. Best believe we’re putting a quick end to your long career, boy. REJECT And that's what the Deadly Alliance is all about. No more of Alf and his convoluted "plans". We don't beat around the bush...when we want something, we go out and get it. And when the time comes, we will come and get the OAOAST World championship, by any means necessary. Reject then turns to Maggie. REJECT But I want to ask you a question, Maggie....was PRL hittin' that while me and you were together? Maggie puts her hand over her face. REJECT C;mon, you can tell me...I just want to rest easy knowing that I wasn't getting PRL's sloppy seconds... Maggie leaves the set in a huff, as Reject and MD share a laugh. COLE Those men are disgusting! COMMERCIAL

We return to HeldDOWN where over at the world famous interview stage is OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN My guests this week have had their problems recently with the duo of Scottish Scott and Danny Boy, the Last Kings of Scotland. They are CITIZEN SOLDIERS… BARON WINDELS and TIM CASH!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" BW and Tim salute the crowd as they arrive on the podium still bandaged to the tune of “Citizen Soldier“ by 3 Doors Down. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, next week you have the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club in tag action, but I want to take you back to a recent bout pitting Baron Windels against Rico de Janeiro, where on the verge of victory Scottish Scott interfered to cost Baron the match. HeldDOWN~! April 12, 2009 BARON I guess our blood wasn’t enough for them, Tony. As you can see, Tim and I still sport the battle scars we received at the hands of Scottish Scott and Danny Boy. These bandages remind us of the threat we face, because the Last Kings play by their own set of rules, which is anything and everything goes. TIM Like Baron said, the Last Kings play by no rules. In their sick minds hitting somebody with a spiked club is legal as a headlock. Well in the spirit of competition, let us meet to determine who the better men are. BARON No more sneak attacks, boys. Let’s settle our issues in the ring like men, not cowards. If you got a pair, then you‘ll accept our challenge. Anytime, anywhere is fine by us. TIM Now you know. TIM/BARON And knowing is half the battle! “Citizen Soldier” cues and the Citizen Soldiers exit to thunderous cheers and applause. COLE I know one thing, HeldDOWN will be back after these messages! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT IN CROWD VS DEADLY ALLIANCE MISTER DICK AND REJECT VS THE USUAL SUSPECTS TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

The lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then "People = Shit" by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, on his way to the ring at this time. From South Of Heaven... he weighs two hundred, twenty pounds. Representing THE DEADLY ALLIANCE! The reigning, NINETEEN MONTH OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... SSSSAAAAAAAAANNDDMMMMMAAAAAAANN NNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEEE... TTHHHHHOOOOOUUUUUUUUSSSSSSAAAAAAAANNDD!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Nineteen months, Michael. Nineteen months! COLE Technically it's nineteen months next week. COACH Yeah, but what's seven days between friends? Sandman climbs into the ring and removes the bandanas from his face, scowling out at the crowd. COLE The hostilities between The In Crowd and The Deadly Alliance continue next, as Bohemoth takes on the dominant Heartland Champion, when we come back! *COMMERCIALS* *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And we are back in a BIG way on HeldDOWN~! The Atlanta crowd ERUPT as marching through the curtains is two hundred eighty four pounds of PIMP. Bohemoth stomps down the aisle, with a purpose. And he chews up the ring steps on his way in. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen his opponent... hails from Greenville, South Carolina and weighs two hundred, eighty four pounds. He is the 2009 Lethal Rumble winner and representing THE IN CROWD... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bohemoth flexes his impressive physique on the turnbuckles, with Sandman looking on from the outside. COLE First time we've seen Bohemoth in action since that match for the ages at AngleMania, where he came so close to dethroning his good friend and World Champion Zack Malibu. Tonight, it's all about seeking revenge on the group that have been targetting the World Champ, The Deadly Alliance. COACH Bohemoth's just lucky this match isn't under Heartland Rules, or he'd be in even more troubly than Zack is. COLE Or maybe Sandman's the one who's lucky. Because if this were for the title, he might not have made it to month nineteen. COACH Says you. *DINGDINGDING* Sandman takes his time re-entering the ring, waiting for Bo to cool down a little. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Sliding in Sandman sizes up his larger opponent. He fakes to leave the ring but then charges Bohemoth trying to catch him by surprise. Bohemoth takes only one boot before he grabs Sandman by the hair and delivers a hard right hand! Hitting the mat in surprise, Sandman climbs back up and takes the fight to Bo with a series of forearm shots. But Bohemoth shakes them off, grabs Sandman again and runs him face-first into a turnbuckle pad. COLE Got caught! Bohemoth turns Sandman up against the turnbuckles and unloads with right hands, shaking the Heartland Champion. By the arm Bohemoth yanks Sandman out and across the ring, into the opposite corner, where he's NAILED with a corner clothesline! COLE Wow! Like a mack truck! Sandman got lifted clean off his feet! COACH I guess Big Bo's not so cool about losing at AngleMania as he is about most things. Grabbing Sandman's arm again, Bohemoth sends him back from whence he came, thundering in with a second clothesline in the corner. Bo isn't done yet and whips Sandman again. But this time, Sandman wisely baseball slides and bails out of the ring to avoid another collision. COACH Good move. Sandman doesn't get away for long as Bohemoth goes out in pursuit. Sandman catches Bo coming with a boot though and with the fight out in his environment, the Heartland Champion fares a little better as he slams Bo's face into the guardrail. Away staggers the bigman, pursued by Sandman who grabs Bohemoth from behind GOUGING at his eyes! As Bo falls against the guardrail Sandman hangs his arms over... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a knifedge chop. COACH And Bohemoth's finding out what it's all about in the Heartland Division! Shooing cameramen out of his path Sandman paves a run-up around ringside... AND CHARGES AT BOHEMOTH WITH A FACEWASH STYLE YAKUZA KICK!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo hangs over the guardrail as Sandman pulls himself carefully back over. COLE What a kick! COACH This is Sandman's environment now Cole. Out on the floor, with all these weapons and obstacles around, Bo don't want none of this. COLE Yes, but this isn't a Heartland Title match, this isn't No DQ. COACH Doesn't matter. Sandman knows what he's doing. Grabbing Bohemoth from off the barricade, Sandman throws him against the ring apron and then back into the ring. Once inside he mounts Bo and pounds away with right hands! Sandman stops the barrage before he can be disqualified, but then ignores the referee's warning's by standing on the bottom rope, pressing it down against Bo's throat! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Sandman breaks, looking annoyed at having to deal with these pesky 'rules'. COLE Sandman, skirting with the rules and just about staying within them. Helping Bohemoth to his feet Sandman sends him to the ropes, connecting with a standing dropkick. Cover... 1... 2... POWERFUL kickout! COACH Woah! Not happy at being shown up Sandman jumps back on top of Bohemoth throwing more right hands. Bohemoth uses his power to throw Sandman off of him again and rushes to his feet. But Sandman is waiting on him, connecting with a boot to the side of the head! Staggered, Bo is taken to the mat with a Russian Legsweep and covered again... 1... 2... Kickout, but not quite so emphatic this time. COLE Another kick to the head, the second Bohemoth has suffered so far in this match and the bigman looks a little rattled. Leading Bohemoth to his feet, Sandman attacks with a succession of forearms. With Bo dazed he then backs off the ropes, but Bo gets a boot up. Sandman staggers backwards to the ropes again and repeats his charge. But Bohemoth catches him, snatching him off his feet with the SPINEBUST... NO! SANDMAN WRAPS THE LEGS AROUND THE WAIST AND HOOKS ON A GUILLOTINE CHOKE!! COLE Counter! COACH What a counter! Bo doubles over as Sandman clamps in on the choke, forcing Bo to carry his entire 220 pounds in a bodyscissors. The bigman reaches for the ropes, but is stuck in the middle of the ring. And it doesn't take long for the hold to bring Bo down to one knee. COLE Bohemoth is sinking here, Sandman could be on the verge of a huge win! The crowd rally behind Bohemoth but he's clearly struggling. Sensing victory, Sandman lets go of the choke and quickly tries his luck with a lateral press... 1... 2... NO! Sandman sits Bo up and applies a traditional sleeper while he's still groggy. COLE Sandman right back to a sleeper, trying to capitalise again. Climbing back to his feet Bohemoth isn't as troubled by this sleeper as the front one, backing up and crushing Sandman in a corner. Sandman hangs on doggedly, jumping up onto Bo's back looking for more leverage. Adjusting, Bo backs into another corner and crushes Sandman again! Sandman ends up sat on the top turnbuckle and Bohemoth reaches back, pulling him off the turnbuckles by the head! COLE But back comes the bigman! Sandman runs at Bohemoth, right into a right hand. Bouncing back to his feet Sandman is then dropped with a clothesline from Bo coming out of the corner! Another clothesline follows! And then a third! COLE Bohemoth is... COACH ROLLING~! We know. Reeling, Sandman walks into a powerful lift up and gets driven with a running powerslam! 1... 2... No! Bohemoth fires away with right hands backing Sandman up. He then looks for an irish whip, sending Sandman off the ropes. Big boot is raised... and DUCKED, Sandman avoiding contact. Waistlock, but Bohemoth fights Sandman off with elbows. Sandman staggers and tries to charge, CAUGHT THIS TIME WITH THE SPINEBUSTER!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH 2005 is marking out! Cover by Bo... 1... 2... NO! Bohemoth climbs back to his feet and looks out at the crowd. And they respond. It's time. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! COLE Bohemoth going for the kill here. COACH Unless he's going to throw Sandman onto some magically appearing thumbtacks then he's out of luck. Pulling Sandman to his feet, Bo scoops him up into his arms. He picks his spot before swinging him around... ...out... ...and Sandman lands on his feet! COLE No! Backpedalling, Sandman lures Bohemoth into a drop toehold, face-first into the bottom turnbuckle! Dazed, Bo turns himself over, unaware that he's putting himself in more danger as Sandman comes off the ropes with the FACEWASH!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sandman raises an arm in victory... unaware that Bohemoth is UP and PISSED! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE It had no effect! Sandman gets spun around and shoved into the corner by Bohemoth, ducking in and driving the shoulder repeatedly into the ribs. He keeps on driving until Sandman falls into a seated position in the corner. Then, taking the same path Sandman did, Bohemoth delivers a FACEWASH of his own! But he doesn't settle for one, coming off with a SECOND FACEWASH! And just for good measure, a THIRD FACEWASH IN A ROW!! COLE Nevermind face 'wash', Sandman is lucky there's anything left of his face at all after that! Pulled back up, Sandman is stuffed into position for a powerbomb. Bohemoth elevates him up onto his shoulders... and CONNECTS! 1... 2... KICKOUT! COACH That's what I'm talking about, nobody has the pain-threshold that this man does! Bohemoth walks away across the ring, lining the Heartland Champion up as he does so. As Sandman gets to his feet Bohemoth charges, swinging with the big lariat... but Sandman ducks and catches Bo in a waistlock. Sandman goes for a German Suplex, but can't get Bo over, even after three attempts. Reversing behind, Bohemoth shoves Sandman off into the ropes. Sandman goes up and over a scoop from Bo on the rebound though, hooking Bo up again AND DELIVERING THE GERMAN SUPLEX!! COLE Sandman with the show of power! Crawling over, Sandman turns Bo onto his back and hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO! Looking frustrated Sandman walks away into a corner. He waves Bohemoth to get back up. COLE Lining him up, could be another one of those yakuza kicks. Bohemoth starts to pick himself up and Sandman rushes out of the corner. He throws the Yakuza kick with Bo still halfway up and regrets it as he gets CAUGHT! With one leg over the shoulder Bo gets his feet underneath him and powers Sandman up for another powerbomb... but Sandman goes over the top and rolls Bohemoth up with a sunset pin... 1... SANDMAN GRABS THE ROPE! COLE HEY! HEY! 2... 3!!!! COLE HEYYY!! SANDMAN HAD THE ROPES, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! *DINGDINGDING!* Sandman rolls out of the ring, away from an infuriated Bohemoth who sits up clearly aware of what happened. Grabbing his belt, Sandman doesn't hang around for any inquiries. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... the OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... SSSAAAANNDDMMMMAAAAAANN NINE THOOUUUUSSSSAAAANNDD!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH Chalk one up for The Deadly Alliance! COLE And I'm sure the DA won't mind one bit the circumstances surrounding it. Flinging the belt over his shoulder Sandman looks back at Bohemoth stewing in the ring, smirking a little as he turns away. Bohemoth questions the referee who protests that if there were any wrong-doings he didn't see it, so can't do anything, leaving the bigman to kick the ropes in frustration.

We return to HeldDOWN where we find the OAOAST odd-couple, one of them anyway, of Bohemoth and Jade Rodez-Duncan. Jade is sat on one of the equipment cases looking generally glum as she and Bohemoth talk. Their conversation barely starts to get audible before Bohemoth hears the sound of footsteps, quick footsteps at that. He glances around to see Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant, D*LUX, hurrying over to them. BOHEMOTH Looks like you're needed urgently. JADE Just give us a minute. BOHEMOTH It's okay, my match is up soon anyway. JADE Okay, good luck. Bohemoth nods to acknowledge D*LUX as he walks past them. Suddenly D*LUX perk up excitedly. A little too excitedly, causing a suspicious look from Jade. SHAYNE Hi Jade! JADE ...Hi guys. TYLER How are you feeling? JADE Better. Disappointed not to be champion anymore, but it's okay. I'm more worried about Morgan really. Poor girl. TYLER That's way too considerate of you. SHAYNE Way. Jade may be naive in the ways of the world, but she can recognise when somebody's showering her with compliments and what that means. JADE Okay guys, spill. What's so important. You've been pestering me all week and you're lucky I haven't taken you off my friends list like Mom told me too. TYLER Actually, it's your Mom we were trying to get a hold off. SHAYNE She's already cut off all lines of communication to us. TYLER Thing is, we had a great run at AngleMania in the Tag Gauntlet and we're killer happy to be teaming together again. We feel like the magic's finally back. But, we were disappointed, because we didn't want to be in the tag gauntlet. We wanted one match. D*LUX... versus COD. SHAYNE Dream match. TYLER And we couldn't do it at AngleMania like we wanted. But we'd settle for doing it some other time. SHAYNE Whenever's good for them. TYLER We just need to convince Krista that it's a good idea. Holding up a hand Jade cuts her friends off. JADE Woah woah. First off, she's at home. Second, she's in a bad mood after what happened at AngleMania. Third... you're calling out Mom and Alix? SHAYNE I wouldn't call it 'calling out'. Little harsh. TYLER More like 'challenging' them. JADE I see. Uhm... have you guys really thought this through? TYLER Absolutely. Your Mom and Alix are one of the best... SHAYNE Dude. TYLER Sorry, they're THE best team in the OAOAST ever! And if we can survive against them, that's it, we're right there, ready to go on to the next level and be one of the best tag teams in the OAOAST as well. SHAYNE Plus it'll be killer awesome. TYLER Totally. Not looking sure about this, Jade hesitates for a while before she finally relents. JADE Alright, I'll talk to Mom. Cue fistpumps from the boybanders. JADE But no promises, okay. TYLER Nah, it's cool. We're sure you'll do a great job. Thanks Jade, you're the best. Tyler and Shayne both give their one time, maybe current but just busy quite a lot of the time with other stuff, manager hugs before they leave and Jade goes back to her reservations about the idea.

We move quickly from one segment to the next, as now we're backstage in the SWANK~! dressing room of the OAOAST World Champion, Zack Malibu. Inside the room with Malibu is also his best friend, OAOAST founding father ANGLESAULT. ANGLESAULT You've got to relax. MALIBU I've got to relax? I've got a guy out there trying to make a name for himself at the expense of Sly, a guy who...and...and it's just not right! Then, I get jumped last week, and you're telling me to relax? Anglesault stands, and approaches Zack. ANGLESAULT Look, Zack. First off, it's not like he's exploiting anything. He stared you down. Now I know you wanted that night to be a tribute, but the fact is in our business, we're dealing with a LOT of loose cannons. You know how that goes, because sometimes, you can be one of them. Like now. So OK, you got jumped last week, its human nature to want to go back out there and raise hell against Dick and the Deadly Alliance. Just...think of the bigger picture, OK? MALIBU What bigger picture? ANGLESAULT Zack, you're the OAOAST World Champion. That belt is a target as much as it is a prize. EVERYONE is going to come at you, friend or foe. Now, why stoop to Dick's level tonight, when you can wait til Sunday, gather your thoughts, not make any rash decisions, and humble him in the center of the ring like you do to everyone who crosses your path? Zack sighs, and bites his bottom lip. ANGLESAULT Look Zack, I'd never steer you wrong. It's just that...sometimes, you take things too personal. Sometimes you have every right to. People like Bruce Blank, or Dre... MALIBU I get the point. ANGLESAULT I hope so. Because sometimes, you're so desperate for that inspiration that you let these battles evolve into do or die issues when the reality is, all you have to do is go out there and let that God given talent shine and show the world that you DESERVE to hold that belt. Not everything needs to be a blood feud. MALIBU So you're tell me to suck it up until Sunday? ANGLESAULT That's what I'm saying. Don't go in there less than 100%. Dick's one of the...ahem, biggest stars we've got, and all that he's shown me the last few weeks is that he'll do anything to get what you have. So you can either open the door, go out there and call him out or track him down and duke it out in the ring or in the crowd or in the hallway or wherever...or you can do the one thing that I know you HATE to do, and just relax. People do these things because they KNOW they get to you. The low blows and cheap shots happen because they all have the same end result...Zack Malibu turns into The Incredible Hulk, exploding into a fit of rage and anger so great that sometimes he loses his focus. And I don't want that. The people don't want that. YOU don't want that, Zack. Don't lose focus. Regain it, and go to the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular and show that Dick what it means to be the World Champion. Zack remains silent, but knows Anglesault is right. MALIBU All right. ANGLESAULT So we're good? MALIBU We're good. Anglesault slaps Zack on the shoulder, then heads out, as Malibu stays behind to ponder his upcoming title defense. COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks, as you all know Morgan Nerdly is set to defend her women’s title against Sophie at the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular live from Montreal, Qubec. Last week Sophie tried to befriend Morgan, but at our recent non televised event in Nashville an odd incident happened. TAPED BY MOLLY NERDLY, THOUGH BELIEVE ME SHE REALLY DIDN’T WANNA DO IT Backstage in the VICE offices… DETECTIVE BOSLEY MORGAN NERDLY Are engaged in a conversation. Bosley as per usual is loaded with furious intensity, while Morgan remains cool in the face of his fury. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Male DNA is different than female DNA! MORGAN You just figure that one out, wikipedia? DETECTIVE No, you’re not hearin me! The male ego is centered in the penis, its born in the penis! Its all about hard driving, pumping and thrusting, baby! A woman is centered in her coochie and that’s all about being soft, and smellin like rotten fish, and receiving. The man is hard wired to do shit like drag racing! That’s in his blood! We get our souped up rides on the road and we tear the asphalt apart! You women can’t do it because your DNA isn’t made for extreme stuff like that. MORGAN B.S. I drive a chevy cavalier and I still bet I could take you. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Hell no you couldn’t! This shit goes back to caveman times, when the men would corral huge mastadons and race them through the subsarahan jungle and just own the f’n world! The women would be back home in the cave drawin on walls and shit, and waiting for the next episode of America’s Top Cavebitch or What Sabretooth tiger skin not to wear! The men folk were out in the free and savage world sewin’ their wild oats and claimin that shit for all of human kind! MORGAN Thanks for the prehistoric blast from the past, but I’d still kick your ass ten times out of ten in a street race. We can do it in a cavalier versus a Porsche. Or we can do Barney versus Dino from Flintstones. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Fuck no you couldn’t! The only thing a woman could kick my ass at is washing the dishes and birthin babies! And as soon as I can squirt a baby out my ass the Alpha Male is gonna beat ya’ll that. MORGAN Okay, Dale Earnhardt Jr, you think your so bad? Let’s go and let’s get Fast and Furious. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Slow down, baby! The Alpha Male needs time to get his chi in order! Its great Chinese Monk philosophy, own your chi, own your old. My chakras ain’t aligned right , yet. MORGAN You’re so full of shit. DETECTIVE BOSLEY I’m giving you the knowledge of an alpha male, baby! MORGAN You are the most full of shit person I’ve ever met. Suddenly two police officers enter the room, drawing unwelcome stares from Morgan and Bosley. Which is odd given that they supposedly uphold the law in the OAOAST. OFFICER 1 Morgan Nerdly? MORGAN Yeah, that’s me. Sadly. OFFICER 2 You’re under arrest. Morgan stammers in and shock, while Bosley laughes at the absurdity of such a statement. MORGAN What, why? DETECTIVE BOSLEY That’s bullshit! OFFICER For an attack on Sophie Grey, she was found unconscious with electrical burn marks on her back. DETECTIVE BOSLEY More bullshit! Morgan ain’t like that! OFFICER Its not for you and me to decide. This young lady is the primary suspect. Amidst Morgan’s stuttering protests and complaints the police officers slap cuffs on her hand. She throws a worried look to Bosley as they lead her out the VICE office. LATER AT THE POLICE STATION Outside the Police Station, Morgan is accompanied to the white Enterprise limo by Lorelei DeCenzo MORGAN I didn’t do it. LORELEI I know you didn’t, dear. MORGAN Don’t say it like that! LORELEI Say it like what. MORGAN Like you don’t believe me. I didn’t hurt her. I swear I didn't. LORELEI We all know that very well, and someone will pay for ruining your name. You should never have had to spend a single second in jail. MORGAN I’ve done things to people…Bad things. Things that no one should ever know. I am not a good person. I'm a terrible person. Sometimes I think I should be in jail until the flesh rots off my bones. But, I didn’t do this. And I'm tired of people taking advantage of me. I’m gonna find out who did it, and god help them, because I am going to shock the white out of their eyeballs. FADE OUT

Naw man there shouldn't ever be any negotiating with a crackhead. First off, debating with a crackhead or striking deals with one a good look, because motherfuckers think they know you they'll be on your ass for ever. They're like ticks in a national forest. Had he had my bike, I would've beat the living shit outta him first, then talked about it as I walked MY bike back to MY building. To have the culprit come back to your house flossing your sh1t and you do a "well, mmkay, just checkin, you can keep it...mhph" is type diarrhea sawfft. The crackehead got an unknown two for one deal the bike and my cousin's manhood. I had my Ninja Turtle van stolen from me back in grade 3 from this dude named Loyd. If that fool showed his face today I'd fucking kill him.

My cousin sent me this email "Few days ago one of my bikes got stolen out of my front yard. I chalk it up as an L but being the detail oriented person I am I keep an eye out I'm on my way to work and coming down my block is a crackhead on a bike A nice bike A red bike With black grips And a single speed flip flop hub And it's a Raleigh? W/the gold front emblem shining? THATS MY BIKE I go out in the street and grab the handlebar as he rides by... THATS MY BIKE We argued for like 15 minutes... he kept giving me the run around and in true crackhead fashion made it back into his building w/the bike I wasn't gonna fight him for it... I'm a day away from getting dental implants... etc etc. Plus who knows what he had on him. I am pissed man. Gonna go back to the building and talk to the dude he claims sold it to him, otherwise next time I see him I am getting my bike back one way or another. If I didn't have to go to work I would have def. got my bike back Its not even the bike, it's like a $100 bike. But I JUST fixed it up for my GF and a day later it gets stolen by someone on my block WTF????????????????????" I told him "You should have whooped his ass right there, he's a crackhead...you'd have won that fight easy. You can't let a nigga get away with your bike mang. Havin' a bike was like the first test of manhood and shit. Let a muthafukka borrow your bike and he doesn't bring that bitch back...you gotta ride on that nigga. you fuced up now because now he's rolling with the base head coalition and ain't noway you're whooping multiple crackheads. especially if they're all high. " This dude is now sitting at his cubicle scheming up some intricate plan on how to get his bike back from a crackhead. Thus I ask you gentle souls, how would you handle a crackhead straling your bike.

Props to anyone who uses Thunder announce team of Mike Tenay and Juventued Guerra Further props to any one who works in the legendary Jerry Flynn, Ernest "The Cat" Miller, or Tank Abott's dancing with 3 count. Chuck Lidell doing a ballad with D*LUX, perhaps? I must call ME for Mister Dick and Reject Vs The Usual Suspects, if ya'll don't mind. Also shouts out to my niggas in the LWO, 08-09 championship on lock, Utah Jizz bout to see their second straight ass whuppin at the hands of the GOAT and his bad ass crew. This is the season of the Lake Show, my niggas, and I suggest ya'll start swaggin up and get on that purple and gold.

Nawwwww nigga those were original creations in SVR 09 and LOWM! Pure Patty genius at work, my friends, nothing but the best in this hood. I'll try to do more sometime.