Patty O'Green

Much better than last weeks show, and considering that only 4 people wrote something its borderline classic!

We return from break with number one contender to the OAOAST world title Mister Dick already in the ring with Malaysia. "PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK!" MISTER DICK No, no, now all of ya'll shut up! You don't get to say nothin about nothin when it comes to Mister Dick, cause all of ya'll were wrong about the kinda man I am! Not a single damn one of you thought I stood any chance against Krista at Anglemania, all of ya'll just assumed I'd be another victim of her win streak. Well, when ya assume things you make an ass outta you and me. I ain't no ass, but the lot of you are and you're a damn sight stupider than a donkey with his head on backwards cause don't none of ya'll know nothin' about no wrestling! If ya did have some knowledge in your miserable pea brains you woulda seen that I was just the man to take down Krista. I didn't let none of her foolish games and tricks tear me apart, I stood tall when she tried to make a fool outta me. I dug myself well deep under her skin like no one ever before, I got her whole family running scared of me, I became the most dangerous person she's ever met, and then when the time was right I struck the killing blow and I made wrestling history! I don't ever gotta do nothin around here again, I can sit backstage and pick my ass with Biff Atlas if I wanna because their ain't nobody gonna do something as great as what I just did. Tony Brannigan, Zack Malibu, Theodore Moneymaker all them fools fell and fell hard on Krista's sword, but did The Human Hard On? Hell no he didn't, because he's god damn better than all of em! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MISTER DICK I could just rest on what I've done and take me a nice long vacation, but I'm a working blue collar guy and I ain't gonna do that. Because there's a certain someone who's gettin on my nerves. His name is Zack Malibu and he's the OAOAST World Champion. "YEAAAAAAAAAA!" the fans perk up at the mention of the OAOAST Poster Boy. MISTER DICK Zack Malibu you call yourself the franchise, we'll I call you a bitch! You ain't nothin to me, son! You're a preppy, prissy, primadonna piece of shit and I ain't got no respect for what you've ever done. I hate everything about you, Malibu. I hate your stupid stable with your bumbling sidekick and your braindead incredible hulk bodyguard. I hate your stupid last name cause you ain't even from Malibu you from a damn Rhode Isalnd town with five people all of them inbred and ugly as hell. I hate your buck toothed skank of a wife and her damn stripper name and your ugly as donkey turds child. I hate that you're the so called man in the OAOAST because I know you're garbage and I know guys like Anglesault and Brannigan keep you propped up when you don't belong. You ain't no locker room leader to me, Malibu! You're an asshole, you don't deserve to be no champion, and I'm gonna be taking that belt from you at The Amazing French Canadian Spectacular. Not only am I taking that title, I'm taking that title of franchise away from ya to! I'm new franchise, boy, you better come to understand that! I'm a better wrestler, I'm a better talker, I'm better looking, I got a hotter girlfriend, and I'ma do what I'm gonna do when I'm gonna do it, boy! "Getting Away with Murder" hits and the crowd EXPLOOOODESSSSSSSSS with joy at the arrival of the world champion. COLE Here comes the champ! Here comes The Franchise! Zack enters the ring, and the first thing he does is goes over and NAILS Mister Dick with a right hand, catching him completely off guard! Zack goes after him, but Dick rolls under the bottom rope, with Malaysia helping to roll him out to the floor to safety. As he exits, Zack picks up the mic, and does his best to speak over the loud crowd. ZACK OK Jock, you've got my attention. You've got ALL my attention now. I asked you one simple thing last week, expecting you to understand it. As a man, as a human being, as a member of this company, I asked that you put your ego aside for ONE NIGHT while we paid tribute to a man who was ONE OF US. You came into my locker room, we had it out, and that was that, right? No, because instead of the final scene being about the reason why we were all there, instead of it being about our tribute, you made it about YOU. Dick, massaging his jaw, goes and takes another mic from the commentator's table, and climbs up the ring steps as he retorts. DICK Mister Zacky Malibu, lemme tell ya, I ain't gotta listen to you, ain't gotta listen to NOBODY. Do I look like the type of man who has to report to a superior? I AM THE SUPERIOR, THE SUPREME, THE ALMIGHTY ALL ROLLED INTO ONE GIANT ROCK HARD PACKAGE! I feel like steel, got the sex appeal that makes the girls kneel, boy. I am THE biggest and baddest, and you damn right I made last week about me. I'm lookin' to make this whole company about me, and I'm fixin' to go through you to do it! Ya see, Zacky, you're gettin' too predictable. All it takes is one thing to get under your skin, to make you (snaps fingers) SNAP. Now, I don't necessarily mean to be disgracin' the dead, 'cause it ain't about that, but face it, I made you take notice! They might call me Dick, but I showed the world that I got the balls to go with it! I called yer bluff, and you don't like it. Your all riled up, comin' out here, nailin' me with a cheap shot, lookin' to get your licks in quick...well, we'll have plenty of time for that next weekend, Zack. Because that's when Mister Dick WILL RISE, RISE, RISE to the top of the OAOAST by beatin' you, humiliatin' you, humblin' you and leavin' you layin' curled up in a quiverin' little ball of broken dreams as I'm holdin' that prize of yours up over my head and causing sheer joy for wrestling fans worldwide! Dick smiles, looking around for positive feedback, but he'll get none of it from the OAOAST fans. Malaysia feels differently, but let's face it, she's the biased type. ZACK You think you're the first one, Dick? To start to make a name for himself, but then grow an ego that his head can't hold? You, my friend, are far from original and a long way from one of a kind. Time and time again I've had to deal with guys like you. Guys who take the quick road towards glory, but wind up taking the long road back to reality. So I'll do you a solid, Dick. I'll make it as quick and painless as I can. If you ask me, instead of stiff competition, I'm going to prove that Jock Mulligan, excuse me, MISTER DICK...is a TOTAL FLOP. Dick frowns, and Zack throws the mic down...but when he turns to leave Dick attacks! Zack gets nailed from behind as Malaysia happily bounces up and down at ringside, cheering her man on as he sends Zack to the ropes and floors him with a big boot! Dick then scoops up the World Title and holds it in his hands, rushing Zack as he gets up with a BELTSHOT~!...but Zack ducks, and then takes Dick's legs out from under him! Zack throws punches from the mount, but now OAOAST security floods the ring, pulling the two competitors apart as they try to land as many punches and kicks as they can! COLE This is pandemonium! Zack manages to break away from the gang of officials that kept him at bay. With rage flooding his face he charges towards Mister Dick but his caught by a Eulogy from Reject! "BOOOOOOO!" COLE Where did Reject come from? COACH Brilliant, Reject! Brilliant! The officials ask the same question as Mister Dick's stablemate puts the boots to the world champion. Many of the referees and security guards try to pry Reject away from Zack, but this task is made much more difficult by the arrival of ThunderKid and Sandman. Now the most deadly foursome in the OAOAST lays into Malibu, as blood spills from his lips. While Reject, Malaysia, and Sandman continue to decimate Zack, ThunderKid retrieves the world title and wraps it around Mister Dick's waist. He then grabs a microphone. THUNDERKID Ladies and gentlemen your new world champion.....MISTER DICK! The DA stands tall and proud with hands raised above the bloodied and beaten body of Zack as we... FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the brand new…. COACH What day is it? I’m hot. How long do we have to be here? Can we start repeating shows? My knees are sore. COLE Yankee Stadium. Tonight- COACH My back itches and I can’t scratch it. Scratch my back, Cole. Do it. Rise Against’s alt rock power brings out cheers from the audience as orange and blue pyro explodes from the stage. Attired in an orange jacket with a fancy glittery logo and smoking a pipe surely containing a perfectly legal substance, MEL appears on stage and receives another warm cheer from the fans. He puffs his once again perfectly legal smoke at the applauding audience and then heads towards the ring. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada he is a former OAOAST tag team champion and a co-winner of the 2009 High Times Stone of the Year, weighing 185 pounds, he is MEL! Standing atop the turnbuckles, MEL flashes the RAWK hand signal to the stadium crowd that eagerly returns the gesture. COLE Mel set to take on Synth Abdul Jabbar in one on one action. Synth and his cohorts entirely responsible for the shocking walking out of Jamie O’Hara last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH Shocking and great! Heart Shaped Box sings Synth and Abdullah Abir Nerdly into the stadium grounds. As The Rockers often times offensive exploits play on the videoscreens behind them, Abdullah and Synth take a knee to pray for safe guidance in this match. BUFFER And his opponent …from Las Vegas….being accompanied by the speaker for the prophets Abdullah Abir Nerdly he is….SYNTH ABDUL JABAAAAAAR! Abdullah takes a seat at Sofa Central. COLE Welcome, your “holyness” ABDULLAH Praise be to Allah who revealed in the book, controls the crowds and defeats all evil! Praise be! Allah has put our souls under the shadow of his spear and inflicits humiliation and scorn on all who disobey holy law. This, my friends, and this alone is the reason for O’Hara’s suffering. DING DING DING The rockstar turned devout Muslim waves on his skateboarding foe with a flick of his hands and a nasty sneer. MEL takes Synth’s bait and steps into a lockup. However, much too Synth’s chagrin MEL overpowers him by trapping him into a hammerlock. Allah’s son screams in frustration, as MEL nods with a smile to the cheering New York audience. ABDULLAH Allah has taught has bad children must be discipline for the health of society! That, my brothers and sisters, is what has happened to Jamie O’Hara and so must it happen to me foolish kin, MEL and MARV. Using his small strength advantage, Synth is able to squirm his way free of MEL’s hand and capture his archrival into a similar hold. Yet he isn’t able to keep MEL trapped for more than a few seconds before the skater wraps his arms around his goggled and snap mares him to the canvas. Abdul Jabbar hits with a thud and his pain isn’t eased any when MEL leaps into the air and drives a devastating elbow onto his collarbone. COLE Don’t you think that now that O’hara has seemingly quit, you all can back off this tormenting of him. ABDULLAH The ruling to humiliate the every enemy of god’s children is an individual duty for every Muslim and holy man in any country in which he can carry arms! He is lucky we have only gone as far to create a wrestling federation in his dishonor. Angered at being put at the disadvantage so early, Synth brings himself to his feet and through his thick goggles shoots a glare at MEL. Not intimidated by Synth’s sinister looks, MEL quickly gathers the rocker into a side headlock. Growing ever more frustrated with his failings, Synth tries to punch his way free of the hold. When the blows against MEL’s thin ribcage fail to work, he then wraps him around MEL’s waist in hopes of lifting him up for a back suplex. Though he gets the Canadian off the canvas, he can’t complete the move thanks to MEL back flipping his way out of Synth’s arms. Not giving a chance for the 3 time tag champion to turn around, MEL cradles him into an inverted waistlock. He begins lifting his foe for a German suplex but the resourceful Abdul Jabbar wheels his leg backward betweens MEL’s legs! COLE That wasn’t very “holy”! ABDULLAH The Christian bible tells us to judge not lest ye be judged. COLE I can judge that was a cheap shot! MEL is crippled by the pain and agony spills from his mouth. This allows Synth to easily capture him into a front facelock and within seconds the stoner is being brought down with a snap suplex. Synth then floats over for a cover that’s counted by referee Earl Hebner ONE! TWO! MEL gets his shoulder off the canvas well before the three count. He quickly gets back to his feet, clutching his wounded back as he does so. This leaves him defenseless to the right hands Synth bombs across his head and he’s left staggered on his feet. Because of this, Abdul Jabbar is able tighten his legs around his ankles and swing him down with a drop toe hold. Thankfully for MEL his elbows were able to block the brunt of the blow, but he isn’t able to stop Synth from hastily scurrying forward to attach him into a side headlock. “SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!“ The chants seem to serve their purpose as the Nerdly twin manages to fight his to his feet. With furious tenacity Synth tries to maintain his hold on his foe. But the sheer determination of MEL wins out and he’s able to shove Synth into the ropes. As the Synthanator bounces back, Mel slides between his legs causing Synth to continue his exhausting run of the ropes. Upon his second return the rockstar is floored by a front dropkick from MEL. COACH Abdullah, when do you think your brothers are ever going to learn their lesson? Will they ever stop associating with trash like Jamie O’Hara. ABDULLAH Someday soon they may see the wisdom of our god, and the peace of my gentle ways. I have faith in it. Synth rolls back upright only to be met with a wave of knife edge chops from his foe. They leave his paunchy chest shinning a bright red and allow the stoner to throw him towards the corner. Synth, however, manages to avoid a nasty crash into the ring posts by clamping down onto the near by ropes. Unfortunately this exposes his back to a pair of running knees from MEL! As the pain topples Synth to the floor, the Yankee Stadium crowd loudly cheers MEL’s performance. COLE MEL looking great in singles action here on OAOAST HeldDOWN live from Yankee Stadium. Grabbing hold of the strap of Synth’s goggles, MEL begins bringing his foe off the canavs. But halfway up, Synth begins to regain his strength and starts shooting elbows into MEL’s midsection. The elbows succeed in allowing Synth to break out of MEL’s grip and the Synthmeister returns to the offense with a vicious head BUTT! Hebner warns about a DQ as a result of using his goggles as a weapon, but Synth merely shrugs his shoulders and brushes the admonishment aside. “SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!” COACH What does Hebner expect him to do? He needs the goggles to see. COLE He’s not Mister McGoo! Synth takes hold of MEL’s arm and hurls him into the ropes. As the skater boi bounces back Synth ducks down and upends him with a back body drop that brutally dumps his rival onto the canvas. Synth celebrates his performance by dropping to his knees and offering thanks to the higher power. ABDULLAH The fact is that every week more and more people leap into my bed of holy knowledge and submit to intellectual intercourse. COLE I don’t know how to respond to that. COACH Respond with an orgasm of the mind. Bringing back MEL back to his feet, the Synthmeister chucks him into the ropes once again. As MEL rushes back across the ring, Synth springs forward with a lariat. But the blow is ducked by MEL. Quickly the High Times stoner of the year wraps his arms beneath Synth’s and brings his opponent down to the ground in a back slide pin… ONE! TWO! But Synth pops of the pin at the last possible second. Both men roll to their feet, each trying to gain the upperhand on the other. Synth draws first blood by diving forward and powering MEL to the ground with a lariat. As the crowd tries to rally the fan favorite, Synth brings MEL to his feet and snuffs out their efforts with a body slam that causes great pain to MEL’s lower back. After passing a respectful bow to his spiritual mentor, Synth hooks the legs for a fall… ONE! TWO! Once again MEL finds the strength and energy to kick out! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE MEL hanging on, using the memory of his good friend Jamie O’Hara to fight one of the man that so humiliated him that he had to leave the company. COACH O’Hara is a bum, Baron Windells got jazzed on did he leave the company, Christian Wright got an entire segment dedicated to his ugliness did he leave the company, Rico’s been tricked into singing every disco song in existence and did he leave? No! Synth grabs onto MEL’s wavy black hair and pulls him upright in order to slam his bearded face into the turnbuckle posts. Just as the pain from that vicious attack begins settling in, MEL is thrown to the opposite corner where Synth’s crushes his lungs with a violent corner lariat. “FEAR ALLAH WHEREVER YOU MAY BE!” Synth shouts at MEL, and then traps him inside a front facelock. He then hooks onto his leg and bridges him backwards with a devastating fisherman’s suplex! Hebner counters the resulting pinfall… ONE! TWO! But MEL gets his shoulder off the mat, giving the sold out stadium crowd a reason to cheer. ABDULLAH These pagans are fools for cheering! Synth Abdul Jabbar is a political revolutionary and I am a warrior prophet we should be celebrated for our adherence to God’s law. Abdul Jabbar bounces off the ropes and leaps upward with a leg drop. But on his descent Mel slides his slender body out the way and Abdullah’s disciple is left to collide with the stone solid canvas. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream as both superstars fight to get upright. They reach a vertical base at the same time with Synth firing off a wave of right hands. But MEL blocks every last punch and returns brutal fire with a Calvary of knife edge chops. The strikes cause Synth immense pain and throw him off balance. Because of this MEL is able to rush to the ropes and after they spit him back he connects with his signature spinning heel kick. As the fans cheer the strike, MEL brings Synth back up and throws him into the ropes. Synth tries to return with a running elbow, but MEL is able to swing around his legs and capture him with a roll up! ONE! TWO! Synth kicks out! COACH Your holiness, you must give some guidance to your follower! COLE A little short on words when the tide is turned against you, eh, Pastor? Synth makes a shockingly fast return to his feet, and gives MEL no time to prepare an offense as he stabs him in the gut. From there he sets him up for the deadly Percussion DDT! But, he can’t do much more than the signature finger twirl before Mel powers his way out the hold. Thrown on the defensive, Synth can’t guard against the Noseplant (Rocker Dropper) he’s struck by! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” A pin is made, and Hebner scores it… ONE! TWO! THREE! “YEAAAAAAAA!” COLE Folks, MEL has done it! Enraged by the stunning loss, Abdullah offers no words to the commentator as he slams his headset down and departs from his seat. Spit flying out from his mouth along with heated words, he points a vile finger at his brother. MEL doesn’t care for Abdullah’s curses and invites him to step into the ring and say those words to his face. Feeling that discretion is the better part of valor, Abdullah gathers Synth out the ring and makes a retreat. BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall….MEL! COLE MEL with a big win in honor of his friend, Jamie O’Hara, but you can bet your bottom dollar long war between The Christ Air Express and The Heavenly Rockers is far from over. And neither is our show! Stick around for more! LATER TONIGHT NUMBER ONE CONTENDER CONFRONTS THE CHAMPION MISTER DICK AND ZACK MALIBU TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

In the backstage area we find Melody sitting in her kingdom of videogame geekdom chowing down a large amount of cotton candy. Entering the room is Jade, who finds this scene somewhat odd. JADE Hey, Mel, you…woah what are you doing? MELODY Eating mushrooms. JADE Giant, pink, sugary, fluffy cotton candy mushrooms? And ten of them! MELODY Twelve. My digestive system works quick. Mario ate Mushrooms to get tall and crush his enemies so must I. JADE What enemies do you have? MELODY KingChris2093, he smashed me at Res.Evil and got onto gamefaqs and told all the guys in my clan about it. I haven’t shown my e-face in 3 days. JADE Mel, I hope you don’t mind me saying but this is kind of- MELODY Alix gave me the idea. JADE (shaking her head) Words go beyond what I’m feeling right now. If you’re gonna pig out, then so am I, lemme break my diet. MELODY Sure mommy will let you? JADE I don’t answer to her! BZZZZZZT MELODY What’s that? Jade opens her phone and reads a text message. JADE “Yes you do, and you left the garage door open when you left.” MELODY Le sigh. Do you want to help me present the newest Legends of Anglemania screens? JADE Sure! MELODY I just supposed that with Morgan taking your title, your mom on vacation, and Alix channeling her inner Tupac, you don’t have much of a reason to appear on TV. JADE What are friends for? But, Mel, I don’t know anything about games. MELODY I bet you do. Which trademark bad guy was introduced in Super Mario Brothers 2? JADE Uh….The Riddler? MELODY I CAST THEE OUT! No j/k, bff. If you don’t have a PS3 or an Xbox 360 then you should do whatever it takes to get one. Even murdering your parents. JADE Please don’t do that we’ll get sued. MELODY Those are the only two systems this game is coming out for because it isn’t made for the stupid, ugly, fat babies who own a Wii! JADE I own a Wii and I happen to love it. MELODY You also happen to suck! J/k! L-O-L! No Homo features the top stars of yesteryear and gives you the player a chance to relieve the biggest and best moments of Anglemania. Show the screens! WARRIOR VS TONNY BRANNIGAN MELODY Hmmmm…. JADE I thought those looked great. It should be an amazing game. MELODY ARE YOU RETARDED? WARRIOR ONLY WORE THOSE COLOURED ARM TASSLES FOR THREE MONTHS AFTER HIS DEBUT! ANY IDIOT KNOWS THEY SHOULD BE PINK AND WHITE! FUCKING DIE ALREADY CAPCOM YOU BASTARDS! JADE Is it really that big a deal? Its just arm tassels. MELODY YOU SOUND LIKE A RETARDED NEWB! STFU AND GTFO IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A MORON! JADE No more sugar for the rest of the year. MELODY Another neat feature of LOAM is the ability to import superstars from OAOAST No Homo. Now you can have dream matches like Theodore Moneymaker Vs Anglesault, PRL Vs Caboose, Northstar Vs Krista, lets take a look at the import mode in action. DETECTIVE BOSLEY ALIX MARIA SPEZIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN MELODY Jade, are your mother’s breasts accurately portrayed in this game? JADE Whaaaaaat?! MELODY Did they get proper breast size and breast physics down? There’s a certain bounce and I want to know if they nailed it. I think realism is very important and I need to know what you think of your mother's breasts. I’ll show you what I mean. JADE No you won’t! Jade charges out the room, leaving Melody to shrug off her sudden weirdness and go back to her delicious cotton candy. COMMERCIAL

We return to Yankee Stadium with our focus placed on Sofa Central COLE right now let's go up to the ring because we've got some guests for some reason. Landon stands, typically, at the front with Megan by his side and microphone in hand. Behind him Blonde looks over Faqu's shoulder with gritted teeth at Todd Cortez, US Title over his shoulder. MADDIX Unity. Landon glances back at his troops, causing Blonde to perk up and force a smile. MADDIX Wrestling's a cutthroat business. Dog eat dog. Everybody wants to be the top guy, the number one earner, the number one attraction, the poster boy. Me, me, me. So when we, Cucaracha Internacional, set up a big match on the big stage at AngleMania between ourselves people were expecting it to blow up in our faces. How could I, the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, authorise a match between my two top prospects people asked. What possessed me? Landon smiles. MADDIX Unity. Because the fact is, you're looking at a unit. Five men with one common goal. A few months ago there were a few so called 'units' running around the OAOAST. Units deemed to be more dominant than us. Where are they now? I remember there was one with this rich guy. He had a couple of guys who thought they were Hollywood stars, although one might have been a cameraman. And there was his loyal bodyguard. Wonder what happened to them? And what about that other 'unit'? The one that'd been around for years, longer than I've even been in this company. OAOAST Originals. Always looking out for each other. Strong leader. Former World Champion. Whatever happened to them I wonder? All I know is, Cucaracha Internacional has never been stronger! Cue raised eyebrows from a few people around him. MADDIX A few months ago and people didn't give us the credit we deserved. Well, now we're the last group still standing and in one piece! And it's all down to... what's that word... oh, yeah, unity! "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" COACH Just incase you weren't sure, yeah, we're in New York. MADDIX Now, we've already outlasted the rest so technically we've got nothing to prove and we've won. But, no harm in revelling in it all a little. So with that said, in an effort to prove our unity yet further, we've set out a little challenge to any four people who think they can defeat my Cucaracha Internacional colleagues here tonight. And if anyone can beat the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions and the OAOAST United States Champion four on four, I'd like to meet them. The bleeping and blipping sounds of Nintendo start up, leading into "Super Mario Rap" by DJ Clue. Bouncing out onto the entrance come The Burrough Boys, looking in 'high' spirits as they, as the kids say, big themselves up. Landon goes around giving pats on the back to his troops as he leaves. BUFFER This contest is an eight-man tag team match set for one fall. On the way to the ring, from four Burroughs of New York, total combined weight eight hundred, eighty pounds... QUINCY... WALDO... MARIANO and LUTHER... THE BBUUUURRRRROOOOOOUUUUGGGGGHHHH BBOOOOOYYYYYYYSSSSSSS!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And some support from this New York crowd for The Burrough Boys, natives of the New York area. COACH And why not? These guys are exciting, charismatic, they're what's really hood. As The Burrough Boys walk to the ring Waldo finds two women in the front row with 'I COLE And it looks like we're being joined by Landon Maddix here at ringside... Landon, welcome. MADDIX Michael. Coach, good to see you. COACH Holla! So, yeah, I was just saying what bitch-ass suckers these Burrough Boys are, they ain't got nothin' on Cucaracha Internacional! The BB decide on Waldo to start and he's fired up. So to speak. Cucaracha Internacional meanwhile try to decide between them who's to start for them and it's a little less simple. With no leader and plenty of volunteers, it threatens to get heated until Blonde drags Megan into it, getting her approval to start to his delight. Of course Megan could care less and just says yes because he whined the loudest. *DINGDINGDING* COLE Eight man tag team match underway and it'll be James Blonde to start. If you don't mind me asking Landon, what do you think of James? MADDIX I think he's great. Talented, enthusiastic, stylish. He reminds me a little of me in some ways. COLE You got that too, did you? Waldo and Blonde square up, with Blonde berating the Staten Islander for DARING to accept Cucaracha Internacional's challenge. Even going so far as to shove him in the chest. But Blonde's toughman act just earns him a SLAP upside the head! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" Shocked, Blonde swings with a big right hand, but Waldo ducks and starts teeing off. Right hands back Blonde up against the ropes and he's sent for the ride. Waldo goes up with a leapfrog, then over again with a backwards leapfrog, before checking Blonde off his feet with a crossbody block! The rest of The Burrough Boys whoop in celebration as Blonde staggers into an armdrag and gets trapped in an armbar. COLE Not an auspicious start for James Blonde. As the rest of the 'unit' looks on with... interesting expressions. Tag is made to Luther, coming in off the top with a double axehandle across the arm. Arm wringer to take control and Blonde waves for help. Tag is made to Mariano, coming in off the top with a double axehandle across the arm. Arm wringer to take control and Blonde waves for help again. Tag is made to Quincy, coming in off the top with a double axehandle across the arm. Arm wringer to take control and Blonde waves for help yet again. COLE This isn't looking too good Landon. MADDIX It's four on one, what do you expect? COLE And I notice there's no rush to come in and help. Blonde manages to break the chain by kneeing Quincy in the gut. But instead of staying on the attack, he turns around and asks his partners why nobody came to help him. Which allows Quincy to wring the arm and tag Waldo in to deliver the final double axehandle! COLE James Blonde getting attacked from all parts of New York! Hitting the ropes, Waldo connets with a spinning back elbow and goes for the cover... 1... 2... No! Blonde goes for a tag but is dragged back by the hair, scooped and slammed. Waldo then runs over and gives Nathaniel Black a slap in the face! COACH These guys MUST be high! Sure enough, Black is drawn into the ring, distracting the referee as first Waldo, then Quincy, then Luther and then Mariano drop quick legdrops on Blonde. Black steps back to the apron... but Cortez steps in, allowing The Burrough Boys to drop some more legs! MADDIX What is this, a wrestling ring or the streets? These thugs are running roughshod and the guy who's supposed to be in control is more concerned with the Hispanic guy! COACH Hey, in my book that's progress. Cortez steps back out with the damage done, coincidence surely? And Waldo covers... 1... 2... No! COLE The Burrough Boys are making a strong account of themselves here in New York City. This would be a big upset if they were to win in your challenge Landon. MADDIX If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, the Cucaracha Internacional doubters' teeth would be rotten by now. Whipped into a neutral corner, Blonde is charged... but moves out of the way and Waldo dives into the turnbuckles. MADDIX There we go. Blonde quickly dives to his corner, tagging Faqu. "OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And here comes The Samoan Wrecking Ball! As soon as he steps into the ring, Faqu is ambushed, not just by Waldo but the entire Burrough Boys team! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE It's a gangland beatdown! The Burrough Boys getting the jump on Faqu. MADDIX And just like King Kong, he's going to swat them away like planes. By the way, what a great movie. The original that is, not the remakes. Faqu struggles to fend the Boys off until Nathaniel Black steps into the ring. Peeling Mariano away, he pulls him around and delivers a LARIAT! Black then spins Luther around into another LARIAT! That leaves Faqu with slightly better odds. He breaks away from Quincy and Waldo, grabs them both by the throat and delivers a HEADBUTT to both at the same time! As they go rolling backwards, Todd Cortez reaches into the ring to tag himself in. COLE Here comes the US Champion. Climbing to the top, Cortez flies in over Faqu's head with a crossbody block that wipes out both Quincy and Waldo! MADDIX You see, it's all about unity! Watching each others' backs, well-timed tags. It's all there. I didn't bring these four guys together under my wing for nothing, they're four of the very best in the OAOAST and it's about time people woke up and realised it. COLE So you see no internal problems with these guys? MADDIX Why, do you? They look pretty good to me right now. COACH Exactly, quit stirring it. COLE That's rich coming from you! I notice you're strangely quiet with Landon sitting next to us, not quite the commentary you provided at AngleMania. Cortez sees Quincy running towards him and sidesteps, throwing him up and over the top rope. Grabbing Luther he then whips him to the ropes, hitting the Sitout Spinebuster! 1... 2... Mariano saves! Stepping back into the ring Black lies in wait again with the LARIAT... ...but Mariano ducks, sending Black into Cortez's path. The Brit and the US Champ manage to stop in their tracks, but Mariano and Waldo deliver dropkicks causing them to clock heads! COLE There's a little miscommunication there. COACH I'm sorry, he's always like this Landon. Out roll Black and Cortez. Waldo and Mariano high-five before spotting Faqu rushing at them, ducking down to evade trouble and causing Faqu to tumble out over the top as well. After another high-five they then hit the ropes with STEREO SOMERSAULT DIVES ONTO BLACK, TODD AND FAQU!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX No no, come on come on come on! Megan, do something! With Landon beginning to worry, Blonde is on the offence with jabs on Luther. As Luther staggers Blonde turns to the announce table to seek approval. And when he turns back, much to his horror, Blonde finds himself surrounded by Waldo, Mariano and Quincy. MADDIX Give them your wristbands and run, they just want your money! COACH I resent that. Blonde tries to beg off, but when he turns around Luther is recovered and delivers a standing Yakuza kick! Down goes The Trendsetter in the middle of the Burrough Boy pack. It's all hands in from the foursome... BURROUGH BOYS YES! WE! CAN! Waldo and Luther take the arms, Quincy and Mariano take the legs and together they lift Blonde off the mat AND LET HIM PLUMMET BACK TO EARTH!!! COLE That was not Change that James Blonde Needed! Ruining all sense of positive culture The Burrough Boys light up imaginary blunts to celebrate. Back in come Cortez and Black, but are ambushed as they enter. Once they stomped their opponents down The Burrough Boys then set the three Internacional opponents in opposite corners. Three then head up top, while Quincy goes outside after Faqu. COLE This could be it! The Burrough Boys going to get high! It's Luther on Cortez, Waldo on Blonde and Mariano on Black. They reach the top and point out to each other... LUTHER WITH THE DOUBLE 450 WALDO WITH THE SHOOTING STAR SENTON MARIANO WITH THE SKY TWISTER PRESS ALL MISSED!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Can they win? No You Can't Boys! As the three Burrough Boys pick themselves up, Black lines them up and delivers a double clothesline on Luther and Waldo. Leaving Mariano for Blonde, who connects with a step-up enziguri! Cortez then runs across the ring seeing Quincy on the apron, knocking him down... into the arms of Faqu, who converts into a SAMOAN DROP ON THE OUTSIDE!!!! COLE Oh did you hear the splat!? Black delivers a Half Nelson Backbreaker on Luther, who rolls for the floor. Mariano does the same after ILLEGALLY BLONDE, the Cobra Clutch Legsweep. Only man left, Waldo walks into a boot from Cortez, reeling him into the standing headscissors and hitting the RIOT ACT PLUS~!~!1!#1~!~!~ "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" MADDIX Well, it was fun guys, thanks for having me. Already sure of the win Landon leaves the announce booth, while in the ring James Blonde rushes over and pins Waldo before Cortez can get back up to do it himself... COLE What the... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Yes, chalk one up for James Blonde! COLE You've got to be kidding. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of this contest... the World Six Man Champions FAQU, NATHANIEL BLACK, JAMES BLONDE and the US Champion TODD CORTEZ... CUCARACHA INTERNACCCCIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNAAAALLLLLLLL!!! Blonde jumps to his feet and celebrates as Landon enters the ring, delighted that he scored the pin. As Landon enters the ring Blonde goes for the big celebration and gets congratulations, before Landon moves on and raises Todd's hand in victory for the team, throwing water on Blonde's fire. COLE HAHAHAHAHA! COACH Get out with that damn phony laugh! Landon brings Black over for an arm raising as well, Blonde staying noticeably close to the ropes, dare I say sulking. Not that Landon notices, too busy showing off his winning team. COLE Poor James Blonde, I'm not sure that was the reaction he was expecting. COACH Why not? It's a team victory. As a team. No need to read into it more than that. Go team! COLE Yeah, a team victory but a team in turmoil from where I'm sitting. Say what you want, there are division in the camp of Cucaracha Internacional and they're clear for all to see. Except, apparantly, Landon Maddix. The celebrations continue from Landon, even with Blonde leaving with Faqu and Black and Cortez leaving on their own, never ones for showing off. So Landon quickly follows after them assuming the celebrations will continue elsewhere.

With Collin and Spencer off celebrating their victory, Lorelei is free to spend some time with Morgan Nerdly. The Money Honey sips on a glass of wine, while Morgan fidgets nervously in her chair, holding a Pepsi. LORELEI How are your classes? MORGAN Are we really going to talk about school? LORELEI I’m curious about how your education is coming. I think its great that in addition to your wrestling and your investigations you also want to better your mind. Why should Molly be the only child to educate herself? Morgan shrugs her shoulders, not feeling that she deserved the compliment. MORGAN She goes to a top film program in the world, I take basket weaving with work release prisoners at a community college. But, schools going well, I guess. I got an A on my last history exam. LORELEI That’s a delicious necklace, Morgan. Startled, poor Morgan nearly drops her diet coke. MORGAN Uh…thanks. LORELEI Where did you get it? MORGAN I….uh…from a store on 5th avenue. LORELEI Don’t treat me as if I’m stupid, I saw where you got it. MORGAN Sophie. LORELEI Sophie, yes, Sophie. Morgan tries to manage a smile to ease the mood. MORGAN She only rolled you up, its not like she pile drove you through a table covered in flaming barracudas. LORELEI She only rolled me up? She only rolled me up? Do you not understand that I have a reputation to protect? People know me for very many things, but those things make up a fragile house of cards. If you pull one of them away the whole house crumbles down and I am left exposed! Wounded by her guilt, Morgan sulks deep into her chair. MORGAN I’m sorry, I just…I keep apologizing I don’t know what more to do to make you happy. LORELEI You most certainly are an expert at making me an unhappy. Accepting a present from that bitch. Do you honestly think she wants to be your friend? MORGAN I don’t know, it just seemed nice. LORELEI Are you that desperate for friendship that you can’t see the forest for the trees! Wake up, you’re being manipulated. She knows she can’t defeat you, therefore she gets into your head, makes you think she’s your friend and from there she takes your title with ease. MORGAN Why can’t someone just like me for me? LORELEI That’s not the way the world works. You know that! MORGAN I just wanted something to give me hope. LORELEI You’ve gone through too much to try and be a Pollyana. Your title victory was your moment to finally be happy. Don’t let that woman trick you out of your lone joy. Trust no one. MORGAN Even you? LORELEI Except me, of course. COMMERCIAL

A birds eye view of Central Park.... Brings us back to OAOAST HeldDOWN as former world champion,3 time tag champ, and OAOAST Legend Tony Brannigan stands atop the entrance stage. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the 2009 manager of the year and NYU grad student Molly Nerdly and the winners of the $50,000 AngleMania Payday gauntlet and 2009 Anderson Cup champions… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The OCC and Molly arrive at the INTERVIEW STAGE with two MONEYBAGS. MOLLY Tony, I would just like to express what a joy it is to be back in New York City with my OAOAST fellows. To be able to share the joys of being molested on the subway or witness a homeless man defecating at a bus stop is a dream come true for me. I know my fellows love New York as much as I do. "YEAAAAAAAAAAA!" BRANNIGAN Simon, Ned, congratulations on your big victory at AngleMania VIII. In addition to being $50,000 richer, I know it had to be extra sweet to last eliminate your former Enterprise partners Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright for the win. SIMON Oh, how sweet it is, Tony! We finally settled the score once and for all with Theodore Moneymaker. Now it’s time for us to get back where we were on 3 previous occasions -- on top! Team Heyross, you’re a great team, quite possibly the greatest in some eyes, but the Orange County Cobras are putting you on notice. We’re prepping to strike and take away those shiny belts around your waists. MOLLY Now, Ned, can we speak with politeness, tact, and dignity this time. Vulgar words indicate a limited mind! NED Ah hell, Molly. MOLLY That's precisely what I'm saying! NED God damn it, Molly, lemme finish. MOLLY You're doing it again. NED Son of a bitch, I'm just trynna talk. MOLLY I give up! BRANNIGAN Ned, could we continue NED You see the bag in my hand, Brannigan? BRANNIGAN How can you miss it? It’s huge! NED Heh, that’s what Krista said the first time she unzipped my pants! MOLLY Why? Why must we go down that road? NED But anyway, in the bags Simon and I hold is our prize money from AngleMania. BRANNIGAN You’ve got $50,000 on hand?! NED We couldn’t fit $50,000 in these bags even if we tried, but it’s still a nice chunk of dough. SIMON Say Tony, you’re looking real spiffy tonight. You got a hot date after the show, or what? BRANNIGAN Well no. My current plan is to head back to the hotel and watch this week’s episode of the Real Housewives of New York. SIMON BRANNIGAN Am I correct to assume you must be fans of the Orange County series? NED What the hell kind of sissy boy crap did you just accuse me of? MOLLY "To be calm, is to be loved" quote the great child star Shirley Temple NED (pulls a few C-notes out of moneybag) What the hell, ya gotta point? With the blind fella's predecessor out of office, there's one less working girl. So gere’s a few hundred dollars, Brannigan. Go find yourself some fun tonight. Right now Simon and I have some business to tend to. That business happens to be TOSSING MONEY INTO THE CROWD!!! COLE Oh, my! COACH They’re giving away free money?!? Can you carry the load for awhile, Cole? I gotta go get some. COLE Sit back down! We got a match coming up! COACH Forget the match! Let's grab some free, easy money! “The World is Mine” by David Guetta hits as Lorelei DeCenzo leads Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr. onstage, but they cross paths with the Orange County Cobras as the latter attempts to head backstage following their money giveaway. COLE We may have some fireworks here. COACH You can practically see the jealously oozing out the pores of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. COLE I beg to differ. There’s no jealously, they’re hatred. Remember it was Spencer Reiger and CMJ who stole the Cobras’ tag title shot at AngleMania. That in addition to obtaining the Beverly Hills Blonds name for Theodore Moneymaker who was engaged in a dispute with Simon and Ned over who really owned the naming rights. COACH Everybody knows Theodore Moneymaker did, but let’s not beat a dead horse. Thankfully things don’t get physical between the two teams, as the LDC Moneygang walk away with smirks on their faces. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing THE ENTERPRISE and accompanied by LORELEI DECENZO! At a total combine weight of 430 pounds, here are COLIN MAGUIRE, JR. and “THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT” SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you "Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)" by Robert Palmer plays the strip teasing Love Doctors to the ring. BUFFER And their opponents! Hailing from Chicago, Illinois, total combine weight 435 pounds, the team of DR. MAX ANDERSON and DR. STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LOOOOOOOOOVE DOCTORS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The Docs return the love with a big thumb ups. COLE It’s been a while since we’ve seen the Love Doctors in action, Coach. COACH Yeah, it’ll be interesting to see if there’s any ring rust. Where’ve they been anyway? COLE Attending various medical conferences. COACH To meet chicks? COLE No, although I’m sure they did. Steven Pigley happened to have a number of ladies on his Love Line radio program, which he took on the road for said conferences. * DINGDINGDING * COACH Spencer Reiger grew up a Yankees fan, how big do you think it is right now to be playing in the home of his childhood heroes! COLE Actually I believe Spencer was a Mets fan. COACH Damn even the golden child ain't perfect! CMJ and Dr. Max lockup and CMJ goes behind to deliver a sick HIGH-LIFTING GERMAN SUPLEX! COLE Irish Suplex! Dr. Max is brought to his feet and hammered by an Irish uppercut. Reiger receives the tag after CMJ whips Dr. Max into the ropes. The Irish Golden Boy drops down as Dr. Max rebounds and Reiger performs a RUNNING INVERTED BULLDOG! COACH New York Knockout! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY DR. STEVEN! COLE Reiger almost with a victory in front of his hometown crowd, his parents watching on from the luxury boxes. Furious at Pigley, Reiger issues a challenge. He shoves Anderson to the corner so Pigley can tag in. Both men tie-up and exchange arm wringers. Reiger flips over and trips Pigley, then stomps him. Pigley is rammed into the knee of CMJ and the LDC Moneygang tag. They whip Pigley hard into their corner, where CMJ unleashes a combination of Irish uppercuts and knife-edge chops. Instructed to allow Pigley out of the corner, CMJ and the official get into a deep discussion about the upcoming NBA playoffs. All this while Reiger CHOKES Pigley with the drawstring of his shorts! COLE Come on, ref. Behind you! When the referee looks back to check, Reiger is cool as a cumber. CMJ executes a HARVARDPLEX and tags Reiger, who delivers a measured knee drop. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Reiger slams Pigley and heads up top for a MOONSAULT…BUT ANDERSON RUSHES OVER TO HIT A LARIAT~! COACH Oh, what a cheap shot! COLE (sarcastically) We know those golden boys Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr. would never stoop to that level. COACH You damn right they wouldn’t! Reiger falls to the canvas and is covered. ONE! TWO! NO! COACH Thank god. I don't think Spencer's parents are the kind that'd take kindly to their eldest boy being beat on by an AM radio disc jockey. Reiger kicks out and tags CMJ. "RED SOX SUCK! RED SOX SUCK! RED SOX SUCK!" the fans chant to work on the Boston boy's nerve Pigley blocks an Irish uppercut and executes a BACKSLIDE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Pigley unloads on CMJ, and then hip tosses him off the ropes. CMJ charges into a pair of dropkicks and is slammed. STANDING MOONSAULT connects and Pigley covers! ONE! TWO! SAVE BY REIGER! Dr. Max enters and plants Reiger with an ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER! COACH This referee’s lost control of the match, Cole. All hell’s breaking loose. Pigley delivers an inverted atomic drop on CMJ, but holds on as Anderson hits the ropes and dropkicks the Irish Golden Boy square in the face! COLE It’s THE LOVEMATIC GRAMPA~! Pigley somersaults on top with both legs secured. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Anderson receives the tag and floors CMJ with a SPINNING BACKFIST. He then rams CMJ into the buckle and dishes out a series of rapid-fire knife edge chops, before whipping him out of the corner and hitting a LARIAT! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! COLE Boy was that close. CMJ just got the shoulder up. Anderson lifts CMJ and gets struck by an Irish uppercut. CMJ tags out and Reiger is back dropped on the way in! Anderson hammers away, then fires Reiger into the ropes for another backdrop…but New York’s Finest puts on the brakes and hooks both of Anderson’s arms. COLE Uh-oh, Dr. Max in real trouble here. CMJ enters to knock Pigley off the apron, then leaps from the middle rope to complete the SPIKE REIGER COUNTER! COACH Time of death: right now, because the Love Doctors don’t have the Luck of the Irish on their side, Mikey Cole. Reiger covers. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR. and SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE New York's finest looking the part here in his home city! "Party at the meat packing district!" Spencer shouts to a suddenly pleased front row crowd, they're less pleased when he informs them they're not invited. Lorelei shoos away the referee and raises the hands of Reiger and CMJ herself. COLE We mentioned how the Love Doctors haven’t been completing regularly for sometime, and it showed very early on. They mounted a comeback but it wasn’t enough in the end. COACH The Love Doctors made it interesting alright. But what a team Spencer Reiger and CMJ are. I’m telling you, Cole, they’re gonna be tag team champions in due time. Team Heyross better avoid them like the plague if they want to stay the champs. May 7th, 2009 The Amazing French Canadian Spectacular Montreal, Quebec OAOAST World Title: Zack Malibu Vs Mister Dick OAOAST Women's title: Morgan Nerdly Vs Sophie SOLD OUT!

noooooooo where is my canadiens logo!

The scene opens with a man with his head down, slowly raising it so that the world can view his face. Just then, he starts to speak, offering a glimpse into just who he is and what he wants. "Once the word is spread, the entirety of the OAOAST will be quaking in their boots at the imminent arrival of Tommy G! They know what I've done in the company that I'm coming from. They know I am an inexorable force that leaves a path of destruction in my wake! The best way to keep from being left destroyed in my wake? Stay out of my path! But there will be those that make a stand. There will be those that try to stop me. There will be those that try to keep me from getting where I want to go. They are idiots. I've been keeping an eye on the OAOAST for a long time now, and I know exactly who these people will be. So, I will target them first. ::points at camera:: You know who you are! My crosshairs are on you!" The scene cuts out quickly, and we show Cole and Coach dumbfounded. COLE Was that on your format? COACH Ain't on mine. COLE Well, that was...impressive, if unexpected. I can honestly tell you I don't know who this Tommy G. is, but it sounds like he's certainly got a reason to be here. COACH I'm just wondering what...or rather, WHO his reason for being here is! COLE Maybe it's you, Coach. COACH I'd say maybe it's you, but you'd like that too much.

We return to HeldDOWN with an outside shot of Yankee Stadium accurate size crowd also! lolololololololololol!!!!!! COLE Folks, welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN live from the new Yankee Stadium. These New York fans have been great- COACH They better be we gave them a damn free show last year! COLE And we were happy to do so. Right now the suddenly red hot Last Kings Of Scotland are scheduled for action. “Protect Your Mind” by DJ Sakin & Friends cues and the Last Kings of Scotland march to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team event is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Glasgow, Scotland, at a total combine weight of 430 pounds, Europe’s finest athletes… DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The madman that he is, Scottish Scott threatens to club OAOAST Marks booing which is damn near everybody! Luckily the lights dim and Los Diablos de Fuego prance onto the pink and yellow lit stage to the tune of "It's Raining Men" by Geri Halliwell. BUFFER Their opponents, from beautiful, sunny Cabo San Lucas, México… uno tag team muy caliente… LOS DIABLOS DE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Moracca and Mariachi get up close and personal with a few twenty-something males ringside. One of whom receives Moracca’s sombrero and a playful kiss from both Diablos. COACH What good guys they are, Cole, sexual harassing our fans. COLE It’s all in good fun, Coach. But there was no fun two weeks ago at AngleMania VIII for the Citizen Soldiers. Though they avenged their loss three nights prior on HeldDOWN, after eliminating the Last Kings of Scotland from the $50,000 AngleMania payday tag gauntlet Baron Windels was viciously attacked by Scottish Scott. ANGLEMANIA VIII COURTESY: OAOAST HOME ENTERTAINMENT AVAILABLE ON DVD/BLU-RAY MAY 5 COLE And then we know what happened last week, with Scottish Scott costing Baron Windels his match against Rico de Janeiro. COACH The Braveheart is batting a thousand against the Citizen Soldiers, Mikey Cole. He’s 2 for 2. COLE In honor of baseball season I guess. But you are correct. Tim Cash was the first member of his team to come face-to-face with the spiked club of Scottish Scott, who’s left both Citizen Soldiers in pools of their own blood in recent weeks. I’d call for OAOAST President Josie Baker to intervene but she may be running on borrowed time according to reports. Moracca hops onto the apron and grinds his body against the ropes as Mariachi stares seductively into the camera sucking on the middle prong of his pitch fork. Their backs turned Los Diablos get ambushed! * DINGDINGDING * The attack causes Mariachi to DEEP THROAT the middle prong! COACH It appears Mariachi’s got some experience on that end, Cole. With his partner down Moracca is subjected to a 2 on 1 beat down until the referee gets Scottish Scott to exit. Danny Boy attempts to deliver his signature pump handle fall away slam, but Moracca slips over the top and performs his modified version of the move -- a PUMP HANDLE SIDEWALK SLAM! COLE Be careful Danny Boy, the ring gets SLIPPERY WHEN WET~! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Moracca moves and Scottish Scott drops a knee on Danny! SCOTTISH SCOTT Scotty can’t believe it, nor can he believe what happens next…a DOUBLE HALF-NELSON FACEBUSTER! COACH I’ll give this to Los Diablos: they’re consistent. They do everything illegally! COLE The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moracca wrings the arm, and then sensually rubs Danny’s hands against his genitals! COACH Getting hit by a spiked club sounds good right about now, don’t you think, Cole? COLE Neither sounds real enticing, although this is certainly the less painful. Well physically at least, not so much emotionally I’d imagine. Mariachi receives the tag and executes a SPRINGBOARD ARM DRAG! Danny charges forward but the flaming luchador slides between the legs, performs a trip and rides him like a horse! MARIACHI (slapping Danny’s ass) GIDDY UP! Danny tries to shake Mariachi off much like a real horse would, but he only adds to the humiliation. Scottish Scott finally puts an end to the circus with a running high knee, which he celebrates by pounding his chest in Dino Bravo fashion. The Last Kings tag and Scottish Scott lays the boots to Mariachi. COACH Are you having a good time now, Mariachi? No! Rammed into the buckle Mariachi is hammered in the corner by clubbing forearms. Scott whips him off and nails a back elbow. Big leg drop follows and so does a pin attempt. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The Last Kings make a quick tag and HOT SHOT the flaming luchador! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY MORACCA! Unlike earlier, this time Danny Boy is able to hit the PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM! He then breaks out the air bagpipes and drops both knee into the sternum of Mariachi! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Danny signals the end and places Mariachi on the top rope. COLE Are we gonna see the Flower of Scotland top rope brain buster? Mariachi blocks the lift and PLANTS A BIG WET ONE~! COACH I think I’m gonna throw up. COLE At least you wouldn’t be the only wrestling broadcaster to embarrass himself on-air this week. Mariachi delivers a SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB! The count. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY SCOTTISH SCOTT! Moracca enters and a melee ensues. COACH We’ve got all 4 men going at it, Cole. Scottish Scott gets whipped in, but he puts on the brakes and hits Moracca with a JUMPING PILEDRIVER! The Last Kings beautifully execute a FLAPJACK, and then perform DOUBLE TOP ROPE LEG DROPS!! COLE Highland Farewell! And this one is over. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… SCOTTISH SCOTT and DANNY BOY… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Last Kings aren’t done yet. Scottish Scott grabs his SPIKED CLUB and gets ready to deliver another hit when he and Danny are chased away by THE CITIZEN SOLDIERS! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Baron Windels (sporting bandage) and Tim Cash invite the Last Kings inside to no avail. Scottish Scott and Danny Boy perfectly fine waiting to meet another time. COLE The Last Kings of Scotland can run for now, but at some point they’re gonna have to step in the ring with the Citizen Soldiers. COACH If the Citizen Soldiers value their personal welfare, they won’t press their luck because the Last Kings won’t have a probably inflicting bodily harm on them. LATER TONIGHT LDC MONEYGANG VS THE LOVE DOCTORS TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

We find ourselves out in the parking lot for no particular reason, or so it seems at first. Eventually we do find someone outside though. That being Biff Atlas, tracked by Vinny Valentine as he slowly and carefully walks through the parking lot. VINNY Come on daddio, it ain't all that bad. BIFF Not all that bad? They're threatening to suspend me for a month if I don't get help! Don't they see... I need constant help! HELP! VINNY Yeah, but, it could be worse. BIFF Are you kidding? A month isn't NEARLY long enough suspension! That means I've only got thirty days before I'm back here in this death trap. Thirty days of precious life. Oh no, no this isn't good at all. Hearing a rev of an engine, Vinny glances over his shoulder to see a car coming their way. VINNY Woah, somebody's got their pedal to the metal. Vinny takes a casual step to the side to get out of the car's path, as Biff looks up and sees the car coming his way, like a deer trapped in the headlights. BIFF AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Biff dives dramatically clear. A couple of seconds later, the car coasts serenely past Vinny. The Disco Duck glances down as Biff, with a look of amazement, picks himself up off of the parking lot ground and dusts himself off. BIFF I'm alive... I'm alive! VINNY Joy. BIFF Oh my god! It's... a miracle! Biff runs his hands over his body, as if amazed that his bones are still intact. VINNY Okay, let's getcha checked out for a deadly grazed knee or whatever. BIFF No, don't you see. I survived! VINNY Biffy, the car was only doing thirty or fourty, that's cruisin' baby... BIFF I survived a hit and run! The car came straight at me and the next thing I know, I'm okay. I must have dove out of the way just in time or... I... there's no other explanation... I must have some sort of SUPERPOWER! VINNY BIFF All this time I've been in fear of my life... all those wasted months! I've been blessed! Oh, thank you, thank you! Biff drops to his knees and kisses the damp tarmac in jubilation as Vinny just stares dead ahead. COLE HAHAHAHA! Oh lord, things don't get better, they just get stranger! COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks as a result of last week’s surprise victory, Sophie has earned herself a Women’s Title match at the Amazing French Canadian Spectacular in Montreal. COACH Earned nothing, she’s related to the GM and she’s French! That’s the only she got it. COLE Spin your lies somewhere else. Earlier today we caught a very interesting interaction between Sophie and women’s champion Morgan Nerdly. Backstage we find Morgan watching a replay of last weeks six woman tag team contest, not looking overly thrilled at what she sees. Behind her, Sophie walks towards her. SOPHIE Bonjour, Morgan. Startled, Morgan shuts of the TV and turns around to stare at Sophie with hardened eyes. MORGAN You! SOPHIE Oui, moi, Sophie. How are you? Without waiting for an invitation Sophie grabs a seat next to a very comfortable Morgan. MORGAN How am I? This past week I’ve been pretty crappy. And its mostly because of you. SOPHIE Because of me? MORGAN Yeah, sadly. I don’t have many friends, if it weren’t for Lorelei you could take the m out of that many. She’s all I have, and I’ll do anything for her. I missed out on all the good sister to sister bonding in my childhood, but hey, I don’t wanna complain. Lori gives me a lot of what I missed when I was younger. I don’t know if you can understand it, but she fills something that was always empty in my life. But she’s such a proud woman, prouder than anyone knows. And when you pinned her last week, that kind of drove a stake through her heart. She sort of feels like I let her down, because I should’ve been there to save her. SOPHIE You can not be everywhere. MORGAN You don’t get it, because you’re not like me. You have tons of people who care about you. I have Lori and Lori alone. I thought I had Jade for a while but she thinks I’m less than human. Some kind of basket case freak. People don’t wanna be friends with someone like me. I was lucky to find Lori. I can’t afford to screw up or have her doubt me. But that’s what she’s doing now. And that’s what I have to live with because of you. I guess I should congratulate you, though, you got your number one contender slot and you got a psychological edge on me. Well done! SOPHIE I do not wish to cause troubles for you, Morgan Nerdly. MORGAN Sorry, but you’re too late. Sophie nods softly, and then removes her necklace. Before Morgan can brush her away, she puts the necklace around Morgan’s neck. MORGAN What did you do that for? SOPHIE It is my way of apologizing. Just because we are foes does not mean we can not be friends as well. Sophie clasps Morgan’s hand as we FADE OUT

Synth Abdul Jabbar Vs MEL

Actually last week was supposed to be in NY, but because no one referenced that we're in the 2nd GOAT american city (next to LA of course) I deicded this one will in NY from The NEW Yankee Stadium!

The Patty rule has been invoked!

And one more thing that I don't wanna edit in to the reply above! That nigga steady stay stealin ebonics from me! I'm the king of this gangsta shit, b, I bought hood rich swag to the OAOAST like none before, you all a bit more swagnifficent havin' rolled with O'Green.

Which one(s) do you like writing the most? And do you consider your favorite one to write, your number one character or do you even divide characters into 1s 2s, etc? Krista and Alix use to be my sole favorite, but the past couple I've had fun writing all the different Nerdly girls (that's why there's so many!) and Jade and Queen Esther! I think out of those girls, Morgan is probably my fav, and then everyone else I enjoy equally with Maggie being the easiest. Queen Esther was hard at first because being that I'm no longer 8 I haven't watched a Disney movie in a loooooong time and she's supposed to be like a disney princess, but she's still fun. I don't really like doing promos for the male characters because they're more normal wrestling promos and interviews and not skits. But, I've grown to enjoy doing shit for Mister Dick, and even though they ain't my characters per se Wright and Teddy have always been fun to write for.

I gotta say by the time I'm finished with the segment I've reread and rewrote the jokes so many times that shit is like reading a grocery list to me. I can go back like a month or so later and laugh but right after I'm done or a few days after I'm done, I'm like maaaaaaaaaan I don't want nothing more to do with this. Like the GOAT Kobe I ain't focused on what I just did but I will do. Lakers 08-09 title on lock, b! For some reason whenever I write Teddy and Abdullah I can still laugh after writing it. It might be because I can do them quicker no homo, and because they say some of the most outlandish things and 100% believe it to be true. This is my GOAT thread, and makes up for my sockmonkey flop.

To piggy back off what EWC said I actually think KC does Alix and Krista waaaaaaaaay better than me, so much so that I actually nag him or try to broker deals into getting him to write them. I actually like to lend them out because they're funny and I don't laugh at my own jokes, so someone else needs to write em! Tony does Bosley a lot better than me, and he's done a lot more with the last kings than I ever thought to do!

See, 149, I thought for sure you'd pick Ned over MD. I don't my VP like I thought I did. I think I can share some blame for The Rockers fall from grace. I feel we've definitley been neglecting the potential of Abdullah lately and that's a shame. Actually my original plan with Lindsay Lohan was to have her be on THR's side and they'd face COD at AM, but the feud with Mister Dick which was only supposed to be a month went so well that it went six months and he bumped THR off their slot in a major angle. That's why its nice to have Syndicated around for characters we like, but don't get a chance to write. The Rockers' time shall come again!

Go on do yo thang, 149, byrdgang got you, b.

Sorry I posted it late, everyone! I don't even have a semi-decent excuse for my crappy posting.

Non-point’s cover of the Phil Collins classic “In the Air Tonight” plays VICE to the ring. BUFFER The following contest scheduled for one fall is our main event of the evening! Introducing first, led down the aisle by their manager, the NEW OAOAST Women’s Champion INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY! Violators, Intimidators and Capital E-fenders... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VICE don’t come alone. They’ve also bring along the “skeletal remains” of Sly Sommers! Bosley presses the skeleton against the ring post while CPA cuffs a ball and chain to its ankle. COLE I can’t believe the nerves of these guys. Boy is there gonna be hell to pay in a matter of moments. “Getting Away With Murder” hits and the Usual Suspects power walk to the ring. BUFFER And their opponents, representing THE IN CROWD! At a total combined weight of 428 pounds, here are "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RODEZ and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion ZACK MALIBU… THE UUSSSSSUUUUAAAAAAALLL SSSSUUUUUSSSSSPPEEEEECCTTSSSSSSS!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" The Franchise burns a hole through VICE as he slaps hands. Leon Rodez, however, clearly isn’t his usual happy-go-lucky self. COLE You gotta wonder what’s going through the minds of Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez. It’s been an emotional night for everyone involved, but doubly so for the surviving In Crowd members. COACH I can tell you what’s on Leon’s mind: How could I lose to Tha Puerto Rican? There are bad loses and then there are bad loses, Mikey Cole. I’d be dejected too if I lost to the people‘s chump. COLE Leon Rodez hasn’t had the best of luck lately, no doubt about that. But what a match-up he and the People’s Champ had this past Sunday at AngleMania. If you missed it, ladies and gentlemen, be sure to catch the encore presentation all this month on pay-per-view. The pre-match garb is removed and we get set for action. Black arm bands sported by the Usual Suspects, black wrist tape by VICE (how very subtle!). * DINGDINGDING * Leon steps out on the apron, much to Zack’s surprise. It’s all good though. He pats his partner on the back and locks up with Tango Bosley. The Franchise takes a knee to the gut but ducks a roundhouse kick and performs a back suplex. Rather than go for a quick cover he mounts Bosley and hammers away. COLE You better believe those are for Sly. Bosley shoves Zack off and heads for the nearest corner. Bad mistake as Zack hits THE ZACK ATTACK II, and then spikes Bosley mid-ring with a BULLDOG! Inspector Nerdly gives the orders and CPA gets drilled by a DOUBLE DROPKICK! COLE I don’t think that’s what Morgan had in mind sending reinforcement. COACH That referee is bias, Cole. He’s letting the Usual Suspects get away with murder in there. VICE regroup outside, while the Usual Suspects stand tall inside. “SLY!” “SLY!” “SLY!” Zack works the crowd, then goes to work on CPA after evading a corner charge. He wrings the arm and gets popped in the mouth for his trouble! Hard right hands from the former boxer rock The Franchise. CPA then whips him into the ropes for a FRONT SPINEBUSTER… BUT LEON DROPKICKS ZACK ON TOP! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The Usual Suspects tag and Leon Rodez lands a… Jab! Jab! Jab! Jab! Leon blows a kiss to the crowd, then nails the ENZIGURI~! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! CPA stumbles across the ring and down throat-first on the middle rope. COACH Uh-oh. Leon does a little dance, and then crashes all his weight across the spine of CPA! COLE CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES! Leon turns and walks straight into a ROUNDHOUSE KICK! COACH That’s what made Tango Bosley a great detective in his previous profession, baby boy. He was always right on top of the case. VICE tag and Bosley does a dance number of his own, which steps consists of stomping Leon relentlessly! BOSLEY DOES IT HURT? DOES IT HURT? YEAH, FEEL THE PAIN!!! Bosley attempts an Irish whip but Leon reverses and executes a SITOUT HIP TOSS! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Leon wrings the arm and tags Zack, who delivers a top rope double axe handle onto the outstretched limb of the AMOG. A quick tag is utilized and the Usual Suspects repeat the aforementioned spot. Leon goes back to the arm wringer only to be whipped off. There waiting for the Grand Rapids Golden Child is CPA, but Leon slides under the bottom rope and through CPA’s legs, then yanks him off the apron where the big guy’s smacks hard face first! COLE What athleticism! Leon fakes a slingshot cross body and takes Bosley down in a SUNSET FLIP! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! A martial arts back elbow, whatever the hell that means (it just sounded good), knocks Leon outside. Zack rushes to his partner’s side but is soon ordered back to his corner. And when the cat’s away the mice come out to play. CPA drops the heavy ball attached to skeleton on Leon’s stomach! COLE That damn bully! CPA helps roll Leon back in and a tag is made. Bosley holds Leon upright as CPA performs a TOP ROPE FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK! COACH Now that’s impressive. COLE Indeed it was. CPA expanding his wrestling repertoire. The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY ZACK! “LE-ON!” “LE-ON!” “LE-ON!” CPA scoops Leon up and delivers a TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM! BOSLEY ONE MORE, BABY! ONE MORE! CPA obliges…but this time LEON COUNTERS WITH A DDT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Cheered on by Zack and thousands of OAOAST Marks, Leon manages to make the tag! BOSLEY YOU AND ME, FOOL! YOU AND ME! COME GET YOU SOME! CPA still reeling from the DDT, it’s Tango Bosley who must tame the raging wildfire that is Zack Malibu and he does a piss poor job. The World Champion whips him off and executes a BAAAAAAACK body drop. CPA sneaks up behind and throws his dreaded GIGATON PUNCH…but Zack ducks and BLASTS HIM WITH SCHOOL’S OUT! INSPECTOR NERDLY Leon returns and takes Bosley down, then over in the LIONTAMER! Bosley taps as the referee counts… ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, representing THE IN CROWD… LEON RODEZ and ZACK MALIBU… THE UUSSSSSUUUUAAAAAAALLL SSSSUUUUUSSSSSPPEEEEECCTTSSSSSSS!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE A fitting end to an emotional night. The In Crowd victorious on the night we celebrate the life of one of their own. Rest in peace Sly. Zack points to the heavens and then to his heart, then locks eyes with MR. DICK who appears onstage. We fade to black with the two men staring each other down.

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Welcome, folks to a very special edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN where we'll pay tribute to one of our fallen friends, Sly Sommers. Sly was a kind man with a good heart and his passing has been a deep sadness for us all. Tonight we celebrate his life and all the joys he brought to us over the years. "Right Round" by Flo Rida & Kesha hits and to a royally rude reception, Queen Esther leads out The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club with a big smile on her face. Excited to see so many people, even if they are booing, she waves to the crowd. Not so courteous are Lucius, suited up and combing at his 'fro, with Rico dressed to compete and stroking his 'stache determinedly. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing, being lead to the ring by her highness, QUEEN ESTHER ENDICOTT and accompanied by LUCIUS SOUL. From Rio de Janeiro, Brazil... weighing in at two hundred and twenty eight pounds, "The White Knight" of the MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB... RRRIIIIIIICCOOOOO DDEEEEEE JJJAAAAANNEEEEIIIIRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Singles action for Rico de Janeiro, but he's certainly not alone. Rico enters the ring and sneers around at the crowd. COLE Well he's made it into the ring tonight, that's a step up from last Sunday. "Thriller" by Fallout Boy powers out next and it's a much warmer welcome for Baron Windels. And for Melody Nerdly, allowed out first by ever polite Tim Cash. The big Texan marches to the ring purposefully, while Rico goes over last minute plans with Queen Esther and Lucius. BUFFER And his opponent! Lead to the ring by MELODY NERDLY and accompanied by his tag team partner, TIM CASH... from San Antonio, Texas. He weighs two hundred and sixty five pounds... "THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGER"... BBAAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOONN... WWWWIIIIIIIIINNDDEEEEEEELLLLLLLLSSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Jumping in over the top the big Texan throws up the horns to the crowd. COLE And here's a man, Baron Windels, who did compete in the AngleMania Payday Gauntlet this past Sunday night alongside Tim Cash. And they made a real strong fight of it... COACH And lost. At least Rico and Lucius made it out in one piece. COLE Well I think Baron and Cash found more honour in defeat than Rico and Lucius did in running away, but maybe that's just me. *DINGDINGDING!* Moving out of their corners, Rico and Baron go face to face. COLE Plenty of history between these two, going back to the days of The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and The Lonestar Gunslingers. Rico starts jawing, perhaps giving Baron a little bit of a history lesson of his own. The big Texan just stands his ground. COLE And we're well matched on the outside, Tim Cash and Melody Nerdly out here to combat the presence of Lucius Soul and Queen Esther, who were know are not above getting involved to help out Rico, we know that. After some more staring down they lock up, Rico instantly landing with a knee to the ribs. Rico strokes his 'stache in satisfaction before clubbing Baron across the back with a forearm. And again. Rico lifts Baron's head back up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and connects with a knifedge chop. COACH Rico doesn't look like he needs much help from the outside, does he? Backing Baron to the ropes Rico sends him for the ride. Baron ducks underneath a clothesline though, storming back off the ropes with a running shoulder tackle! The force knocks Rico over and keeps him rolling, right the way out of the ring where Lucius and Esther are waiting to check on him, while Baron fires up the fans. COLE You were saying Coach? COACH Well, we're only seconds into the match, you can't make any judgements yet. COLE But you can? Baron exits the ring and sends Lucius and Esther scattering, left to watch in horror as Rico's face is slammed into the ring apron. Staggering away, Rico rounds the post and slides back into the ring, with time to spare to catch Baron sliding in with a double axehandle! Rico puts the boots to Baron underneath the bottom rope, backed away by the referee. That allows Lucius Soul to jump into action, making Coach look quite the fool. Before he can get to Baron though, upholder of justice Tim Cash rushes over and catches Lucius red-handed. The pimpmeister stops in his track and Baron kicks out catching Lucius in the head! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Now before you say anything, Lucius didn't do anything to provoke that. COLE He was going to though. COACH There you go again making judgements before anything's happened again. To his feet, Baron catches Rico moving in with a couple of shots to the gut and turns him against the ropes for an irish whip. Baron connects on the rebound with a big Powerslam and hooks a leg... 1... 2... No! Pulling Rico to his feet, Baron guides him into a corner and delivers a running clothesline, motioning for one more to the crowd's approval. He sends Rico into the opposite corner with another whip, following up on him with another corner clothesline! BARON COME ON! COLE OH YEAH HOOK 'EM HORNS~! Baron comes off the ropes looking for yet another clothesline, but Rico manages to duck even in his weakened state. And as Baron comes off the far ropes, Rico does a sudden 180 to cut Baron off with a High Knee! COLE A nice counter by Rico though. Cover by Rico... 1... 2... No! After seeking guidance from his Queen, The White Knight prepares to give Baron a Piledriver. COLE Rico's looking for Queen Esther for wrestling advice? This is the woman who a week ago thought I was communicating to her via magic mirror and now she's giving coaching tips? Not good coaching tips, admittedly, as Baron backdrops his way out of trouble. COACH Okay, that didn't turn out great. But I don't hear you complaining about 'Tex putting his career in the hands of Melody Nerdly. The woman who maps their matches out in the dressing room with special Dungeons and Dragons dice. Waving Rico to his feet, Baron goes to hit the ropes... and suddenly finds himself rooted to the spot, by Queen Esther grabbing onto his leg! Baron tries to pull himself away, kicking Esther's feet up off the ground and leaving her flailing across the apron, until Rico attacks from behind! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melody complains to the referee about the interference from 'Princess Peach', who she had always thought was one of the good guys. COLE Is that any way for a 'queen' to act? COACH Wouldn't you be the expert on that? Rico delivers a back suplex to the dazed Baron and looks for the cover... 1... 2... No! With Baron trying to get the crowd behind him, Rico strokes his 'stache thoughtfully before delivering a stomp to the back of the head. More 'stache stroking sets up a second stomp. And then a third. "BA - RON!" "BA - RON!" "BA - RON!" "BA - RON!" COACH I hope they're not chanting that at the Queen. Baron starts to fight back, catching Rico with a couple of punches to the midsection, only to be cut off by a knee. Stepping behind, Rico, GOUGES his fingers into the eyes of the Texan! By the hair he then drags Baron from his knees, throwing him down to the mat. After a reprimand from the referee Rico measures Baron for an elbowdrop... and MISSES! COLE Rico a little laborious on that attempt. COACH Yeah, he was kinda slow too. Shaking out the arm, Rico throws a right hand, but gets blocked. Baron then starts to unload with right hands to the cheers of the crowd. Rico is backed up into a corner and whipped across, before being forced to BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS by Baron!! Not done there, Baron hooks Rico up for the Texas favourite, the Bulldog! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO! Baron heads to the top, with Lucius yelling at his partner to watch out. BARON IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIIIIIIIME! Leaving the top, Baron connects with the Top Rope Lariat!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That's gonna do it! 1... 2... NO!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Queen Esther breathes a sigh of relief, covering her shocked mouth politely with her hand. COLE Oh, that was close! This crowd thought it was three! Baron takes a still woozy Rico over to a corner and scales the turnbuckles, fist clenched. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" A whip sends Rico reeling into the opposite corner. But the Brazilian still has enough wits about him to get a knee up, catching Baron as he charges in! COLE Rico with a knee up, and man did he need that because Baron was rolling. With a relieved stroke of the 'stache, Rico turns Baron around and delivers a couple of forearm smashes. Rico then backs off the ropes and looks to unleash the Hand Of God... but Baron turns away and hooks Rico in a Backslide... 1... 2... NO!! COLE Only two... Rico is struggling here! Baron looking much sharper and quicker than the mustachioed Brazilian. COACH Hey, you don't rush Rico. Beating Rico to the punch Baron backs him up with a succession of right hands. Grabbing him by the wrist Baron then tries to whip The White Knight to the ropes, only for Rico to reverse. Rico strokes the 'stache and puts his head down... ...and gets caught with the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Unnoticed in the excitement, Lucius Soul wipes out Tim Cash with a surprise cheapshot, then jumps up onto the apron to distract the referee as Baron makes the pin. COLE Come on! This is exactly what I was talking about earlier! On the outside, Queen Esther waves her wand over her head. And AS IF BY MAGIC, through the crowd, SCOTTISH SCOTT of The Last Kings Of Scotland appears from through the crowd. Baron glances up at the distraction on the apron, unaware of Scott climbing the turnbuckles behind him and coming off the top, DRIVING THE HANDLE OF HIS SPIKED CLUB INTO THE BACK OF BARON'S HEAD!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Scott turns Rico over on top and Lucius conveniently wraps up his convesation with the ref, who doesn't hear Melody's pleas not to count... COLE NOT THIS WAY! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE Rico has stolen this one, with the help of Scottish Scott! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... RRRRRRRIIIIIICCOOOOO DE JJJAAAANNEEEEIIIIRRRROOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Queen Esther jumps on the spot clapping her hands gleefully at the victory. Barely aware of it is Rico, helped from the ring by Scott and Lucius to join in the celebrations. Melody tries to inform the referee of what happened but by now it's too late as The Mardi Gras crew are taking their win and leaving. COLE Once again Baron the victim of a Last Kings sneak attack with that damn club, the same weapon which cost Citizen Soldiers at AngleMania. And what relationship exactly does Scottish Scott have with The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club? COMMERCIAL

Backstage, we find Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez getting prepped for their match. LEON Sure you're ready for this? ZACK Yeah. I'm good. What about you? Leon continues lacing up his boots a few seconds before answering. LEON I'm good too. Clearly with something on his mind Leon waits as Zack turns away and slides on an elbowpad. LEON Listen, maybe now's not the time, but we should really talk. ZACK I've been meaning to say the same. And you're right, now's probably not the best time, assuming we're talking about what I think we are. Let's get tonight out of the way first. Before Leon can reply, the door to their locker room bursts open. Both Zack and Leon jolt up, especially when they're confronted by a smirking Mister Dick and his ladyfriend Malaysia. MR DICK Hey Zackie boy! Just wanted to wish ya'll the very best of luck tonight! ZACK Leave it out Jock, eh? Not tonight. MR DICK Didn't ya get the memo Champ, it's Mister Dick now. I'll letcha off this time though since I like ya so darn much! Anyway, you wanna out for them there VICE guys though Zack, word of warning. They're double tough. So, if you're feelin' a little tired, feel free to go on ahead and tag out to your buddy here, save yourself on up for Montreal. Sure, the kid's on a losing streak lately but I hear he used to be pretty good. Dick smirks at Leon, who just about keeps his composure. MR DICK How about that stuff earlier, huh? Talk about ya bad form. I gotta say, as somebody who knows a little something about gettin' people all riled up and outta shape, that was something else. Phew-wee! Ya gotta admit though, it was kinda funny. A little morbid for me, but Malaysia here's got a darker sense of humour than yours truly and it slayed her, so i... ZACK Are you deaf, or just this dumb!? I said... not tonight, okay? Tonight isn't about you and me. It's about a hell of a lot more than that, so if you've got even an ounce of class left which is debatable I know, you'll keep your damn opinions to yourself tonight and get the hell out of my locker room! Backing off, Mr. Dick encourages Zack to cool down. MR DICK Okay, well I best be goin' anyway. We'll talk some other time Zackie. ZACK Yeah, I bet we will. With a wink Mr. Dick wraps an arm around Malaysia's shoulder and they leave. ZACK Can you believe the nerve of that guy? LEON No... no, I can't. COMMERCIAL