Patty O'Green

ANGLEMANIA VI REMATCH: CHICKS OVER DICKS VS THE ENTERPRISE PLZ LISTEN TO THIS SONG AS YOU READ MY VIDEO PACKAGE. OKAY, MOMMY? The green strobe lights wash across the entrance stage, as yellow lights flicker on the floor. Beneath a video screen that displays The Enterprise’s greastest triumphs and conquests, steps the impeccably dressed Christian Wright and his robed partner, Theodore Moneymaker. The fans do not warmly receive the duo, and their jeers and boos bounce across the arena walls. Tuning out this disdain, The Enterprise representatives pass each other hand shakes and then make their way down the ramp. BUFFER The following is an Anglemania VI rematch! Now making their way to the ring, introducing first from Washington DC, The Natural CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIGHT! And from Vero Beach, Florida, he is an Angle Award winning billion-dollar heir, he is The Messiah…MISTER THEODORE MONEYMAKER! Moneymaker throws his arms up into the sky, throwing green pyro into the air atop the video screen. Wright stands at his side, applauding his leader and singing his praises to a crowd that doesn’t wish to hear it. COLE Our night of Anglemania rematches continues with the renewing of an intense rivalry between Chicks Over Dicks and The Enteprise. Christian Wright has faced America’s Sweethearts two times in his Anglemania career, coming up short on both ends. The story between these four is very well known, with Moneymaker exposing Jade as Krista’s child, Alix leaving Krista to join The Enterprise, COD battling The Enterprise all throughout the summer of 07. So much history here in this match. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! COLE The return of Chicks Over Dicks is at hand! There’s a tremendous outpouring of screams and cheers for the soon to be arriving four time tag team champions. While the always glamorous pink pyro waterfall streams from the ceiling, the chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!' are already out in full force. Joining the festive atmosphere is a stunning red pyro fountain. The glorious displays of pyro power create a wealth of fiery sparks that scream across the dim stagging. Once the red and pink pyro disappears, the usual golden wall flames across the entirety of the entrance stage, it's sonorous shout sounding something like screaming locomotives. COACH I hate that one! Past the misty remnants, stands Krista Isadora Duncan. Her buxom chest strains to be free of a tight yellow diamond encrusted tank top. A flirty lace skirt, slit on each side, showcases an ample portion of gorgeous legs that pour into black platform boots. She glides her fingers through her golden hair, and looks directly into the camera, offering an arrogant smirk as her gift to the viewing audience. All around her, Alix treats the entrance stage as a giant race track, darting from one side to the other, to pump their southern fanbase into a frenzy. A white A&F t-shirt hangs to teasing exposure of her midriff. Tiny white shorts reach no further then the steeply jutting slope of her BUTT, her enticing cheeks shimmering tan, round and voluptuous. Ally's prancing is cut short, the moment Krista's hands intertwine with her's. Krissy twirls Alix through the gleaming lights, before hiding her within the loving safety of her arms. Krista's gentle hands treasure her body, kneading it's every curve and contour, enjoying the feel of her soft, silky skin. Alix gasps softly at the touch of her fingers on her hot flesh. She regains enough of her composure from the tender caress to toss her head over her shoulder, and flip a kiss into the camera. BUFFER And now teaming together for the first time in over a year, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is a two time 24/7 champion, a multi time Angle Award winner….ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the 2009 Wrestler of the year, best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, Krista Isadora Duncan! Together they are four time world tag team champions, Hollywood “It” Girls, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! “C-O-D! C-O-D!” When the girls reach the ring, Alix grabs Krista by the waist and hoists her on the apron with startling ferocity that Krista wouldn't expect from the normally submissive Alix. With her ego swelled to bursting by the unparalleled adulation of the audience, Alix coolly reclines against the apron. She feels the smoothness of Krista's legs coil around her bare stomach, and her body tingles in immediate response. While Ally stands lost within the rapture of the pleasuring touch, Krista passes a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. COLE Krista Isadora Duncan set to meet up with Mister Dick at Anglemania with Lindsay Lohan on hand. An explosive match on an explosive Anglemania card! Moneymaker snarls as he examines Krista’s hateful stare. Contempt coloring his face, he steps into a lockup with the fitness queen. He doesn’t stay in that position for long, using it as a trap to lower her defenses so he can wing a punch into her throat. Now short of breath, she’s incapable of stopping the billion dollar heir from whipping her into the ropes. When she returns to her foe, he wraps his hands around her slender waist and upends her with a back body drop. But her incredible agility sees her come down on her Guess pumps, and as Moneymaker spins around one of those very same pumps comes screaming towards his head. Fortunately for him he catches hold of her heel to stop it from impaling his skull. The Billion Dollar Heir taunts her his insufferable laughter, and knows full well he can slam her at any time. Krista hops back and forth on her free foot, trying to set up an enziguri. “Krista, Krista!” Alix shouts. “That’s not gonna work! You need to do something smarter!” “Such as?” “I’ll go get your shotgun, and see if anyone has any dynamite!” As this is not a Roadrunner cartoon, Krista forgoes the offer of dynamite and succeeds in pulling off her enziguri! “No fair, you never let me exercise my right to bear arms.” Alix complains as the fans cheer. Alix is given other reasons to complain when CW enters the ring and clubs his long time tormentor in the back. That simple cheap shot does enough to buy Moneymaker the time he needs to get back upright. His forearms come down on Krista’s back, causing her so much damage that she drops down to her knees. She isn’t allowed a chance to stay there and catch her breath though; Moneymaker hauls her inside a front facelock and pulls her upright. His hands clutch onto the waistband of her skirt and within seconds she’s lifted into the air and brought to the ground with a vertical suplex. The Billion Dollar Heir then floats over and barks at referee Buzzlefoxer to count the pin… ONE! TWO! But Krista’s shoulder comes off the canvas. Displeased with what he believes to be a slow count, Moneymaker proceeds to lay into the elderly referee for being…elderly. “Dude, you have a poppy seed in your teeth. It’s a big one you might wanna go to the bathroom and check that out.” Alix helpfully comments. Moneymaker ceases his grousing to offer a deeply annoyed growl at Alix. Refocusing his attention back on Krista, he brings her upright with a grip on her luscious yellow locks. A knee strike finds its way into her midsection, a blow she’s able to absorb with her six pack abs. But a punch to the throat keeps her on the defensive and allows The Messiah to throw her into the ropes. Running back to Moneymaker, she’s caught in set up for hip toss. But, she resorts to grade school bullying and stomps on his shoe. The Billion Dollar heir hollers with agony, and allows himself to have Krista rest her 5 million dollar leg on his neck. The other half of her ten million dollar insurance baby flips her into the air, breaking her fully out of Moneymaker’s grip. The Floridian is deeply upset at her escape and with a snarl he lunges at her with a lariat. But Krista ducks bellows his strike and quickly swings to his back to hook in a rear waistlock. Unfortunately even her fitness queen strength can’t hold the muscular tycoon, and he easily shreds apart her grip to whirl into a waistlock of his own. Eschewing any moves that can be performed from that position, he smacks her in the back of the head and drops her to her knees. Her hands find her aching skull, and she cries out in agony over the misery he’s caused her. “Now face the mighty power of Moneymaker!” He cries and then brings Miss Money In The Bank into a setup for a back suplex. He raises her into air, preparing for the lethal suplex. Despite his powerful strength, Krista manages to flip out his hold out his hold. A disgusted Moneymaker turns around to flatten Krista and instead gets a wad of spit in the face! “YEAAAAAAAA!” Alix isn’t as pleased, “Krista, I know the whole spit versus swallow thing doesn’t apply to us, but still that was kinda rude.” Krista seems to agree with her girlfriend’s sentiments and pulls out napkin from her top. Will she wipe Moneymaker’s face off? No, she merely spits on the napkin and wipes the spit on Moneymaker’s face. This infuriates the Billion Dollar Heir, but there’s little he can do to assuage his anger as Krista’s well insured legs throw him over with a beautiful hurricanrana! Just as soon as he touches down on the canvas, The Enterprise CEO is making a quick return to his feet. But he continues to be stymied by Krista who puts him down with a majestic springboard moonsault lariat. “Now face the mighty power of my middle finger.” Krista taunts him in mocking version his haughty voice and then promptly gives him the middle finger. “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream and they continue to scream as Krista applies the tag to Alix. The audience’s cries grow all the louder when the brunette hottie steps into the ring for the first time in a year. “Alix basks in the adulation of her fans. She smiles at their loving reception for welcome return to OAOAST.” “Are you narrating yourself?” Krista wonders. “Totally! It may be the best idea I’ve ever had.” “Uh-huh. And for normal humans it’s the worst idea anyone’s ever had.” “Alix frowns, but can still hold some joy in knowing that her bouncing breasts are not the work of skilled Beverly Hills doctors.” Moneymaker throws himself off the ropes, hoping to gain speed for a billion dollar knee lift. But as he nears Alix with knees raised, the Hollywood Bad Girl leaps towards him and snaps his entire body back with a harsh neckbreaker. He quickly scurries back to his feet, but finds himself under attack from a wave of strikes from her furry boots. Miss Spezia then strikes a preying mantis pose and makes odd hissing sounds before striking her foe with a karate chop. COLE Alix hasn’t lost any of what made her Alix, I see! Still the same goofy but effective girl she’s always been. The Latina babe takes hold of Moneymaker’s legs and then sling shots him towards his corner. Wright realizes his boss is in urgent need of a breather and applies an emergency tag. This does not, however, prevent the billion dollar air’s lower back from being mangled by the rolling shoulder charge of Miss Spezia. Eager to save his employer from further beatings, Wright hastily ushers Mister Moneymaker out the ring. He then casts a stern glare towards Alix, as if to say he won’t fall for any of her tomfoolery. “Hi, Christy, umm everytime ya wrestle one of us, Queen Fairy Mary sprinkles some miracle gro on your happy place, aaaaand maybe you just should close your eyes.” “Close my eyes? Woman, art thou mad? I will do nothing of the sort!” Alix shrugs her shoulders, and resigns herself to the “difficult” task of having to humiliate CW once more. She runs towards him, angling her body low to avoid the spinning elbow he throws at her. Her run pushes her off the ropes, and when she returns she leaps with her arm around CW’s neck for a tornado DDT. But The Natural is well prepared for this move, and places his hand on her lean stomach to shove her away. Seeing her land near the corner brings a smile to CW’s face, as he feels she’s in perfection position to be flattened by a lariat. But when he charges on on her, the speedster effortlessly slides away leaving him to suffer an awful crash into the ring posts. As the audience cheers his misfortune The Hollywood Bad Girl leaps upward and strikes him in the face with a leaping heel kick. He screams out in agony and sags against the posts, blood trickling out the corner of his mouth. Alix then cartwheels forward and unfurls her body into a lethal elbow smash that strikes him perfectly in the jaw. Wright stumbles out the corner, and that gives Alix the chance to run her furry boots up turnbuckles. As CW turns around to get read on his speedy foe, she throws herself backwards and crashes into him with a corckscrew moonsault! She then hooks onto his khaki pants for an all important pin… ONE! TWO! CW brings his shoulder off the canvas, which does nothing to please the sold out audience. Less annoyed then the North Carolina fans, the always cheery Alix begins bringing CW back to his feet. Her good mood is however, washed away when the snooty superstar shoots an elbow into her ribs. Three more strikes follow, and cause her enough weakness and pain that CW is able to throw her into the ropes. Her path ventures her too close to Mister Moneymaker, and her former boss swats her in the back of her with her fist. “Owwwie! Krista, the invisible man is here, and he’s trynna grab my brains! Which is funny, because you always say I have no brains, and I always say if I didn’t how would I” “That wasn’t the invisible man, that was Moneymaker, stupid!” “Oh!” Alix exclaims and then turns around and smacks The Enterprise CEO right in the face. The audience can barely cheer that display of womanly authority before CW captures control of Alix with an inverted facelock. The plucky sprite (I like that term, sprite) wrestles against CW’s grip, and quickly manages to get her fuzzy wuzzy boots onto the second rope. She then uses her gymnast worthy agility to fling her body backwards, bringing herself out of Wright’s grip and onto her feet. Before Wright even has a chance to damn her escape, our heroine is dropkicking him through the ropes. “I’m gonna wack you good!” Alix shouts and then runs up the top rope in order to leap off it. Her lovely tan legs wrap around CW’s neck and hurricanrana him back into the ring. Although dizzied he makes a shockingly fast return upright, and spots Alix pushing herself off the ropes. Having seen her arrival, he’s able to snap powerslam her over into a stunning pin… ONE! TWO! Alix lifts her shoulder off the canvas, which greatly pleases OAOAST Marks. But, the audience can’t continue their thanks to Wright dropping a set of elbows onto Alix’s collarbone. He uses a front facelock to guide her too the canvas, and a handful of her booty shorted romper lets him lift her into the sky. Alix doesn’t wish to incur any damaging move from this setup and begins rifling her knees into his skull. This tactic finds success and a pained Wright is forced to drop her back on her feet. Unfortunately for her, he recovers rather quickly and as she leaps up for a dropkick he counters her into a spine buster! As Krista and the fans recoil in shock, The Natural attempts a pin… ONE! TWO! Again Alix kicks out! “YEEEAAAAAAAAA!” “Staid squire, far be it for me to hold compunction to your pinfall counting, but I dare say that pin may existed for the proper three second duration.” Wright comments, marking that as the most polite complaint ever lodged against a referee. Satisfied at having been heard, Wright clamps down on Alix as she stands back up with an abdominal stretch. COLE The Enterprise has seen more turnover than I believe any stable in the OAOAST, and that’s in most part due to Moneymaker’s terrible treatment of his workers. But Wright has always stood by his boss, never once faltering. “Hey, I know I’m supposed to be on the like the verge of death or whatever, but you mind if I tell ya a story?” “Insolent tart! I hold no wishes to play audience to your tales!” “I think you’re gonna like this one, dude.” “Be quick about it. There’s only a few more seconds before your rib cage snaps.’ “Okay so one time in high school was hiking with my soccer team, and oh no I got lost! And I’ve seen Lion King and I know the types that hang out in forests and Scar ain’t gonna do me like he did Mufasa. This Lion’s got bite, baby! Anyway so I’m wandering through Shrewood Forest robbing from the rich givin to the poor and this old mountain dude stops me, right?” “This is absurd! You shouldn’t even be able to take a breath!” “Yeah, funny how that works. So this old huge burly mountain dude stops me and cute 18 year old co-ed trapped in lonely woods with scary mountain guy? First thing I think is, oh no I’m missing teletubbies. And he’s like, you gotta worry about bears! He said the best way to protect against bears is if we lie face down on top of each other. And he lied on top of me to protect me. But Bears smell fabric softener real well so we had to take off our clothes! He said movement also scares bears, so he started wiggling on top of me. It must’ve been really exhausting because he kept grunting and panting. But he was super nice because he kept asking me how I liked it I wanted him to go faster. I guess I looked famillar to because he asked me who my daddy was a few times. And he must’ve kept his water bottle because it kept on poking me, and I guess it broke because after a while some of it got on my back and it like deflated or something.” WRIGHT The latest humiliation in a long list of humiliations that could stretch to the outer reaches of spaces concludes with a weakened CW being hip tossed to the ground. His large (small?) shame is immediately covered up by his hands. But his move to save his reputation comes at the cost of his face, as Alix decides to use it as the dance floor to introduce the newest dance craze to the nation…. “Charlotte, this is who I be! Got my homegirl the Notrious KID kickin it live with me. Bitch I’m wild! Do the Freaky Alix! Do the Freaky Alix! When I hit the dance flo, I be do Freaky Alix! Freaky Alix! When Christian busts down his doh and finds his mom freakin me like a ho he’s doing the Freaky Alix! Now you can lean wit it, and you can drop wit it, and I don’t think Christian’s rape charges gonna be acquit. Now get it! Now get it! Now get it! That’s what the inmates’ll say when Christian drops the soap. Mexican Mafia, hit the booty do! Black guerrilla family, hit the booty do! Aryan Nation, hit the booty do! Christian can’t escape prison guards settin up blockades, everyone watchin’ like it’s thanksgiving day parades, boy, I hope Christian don’t get that Aids. Do the Freaky Alix! Do the Freaky Alix! Do the Freaky Alix!” The hottest dance since the superbowl shuffle comes to a close with The Hollywood Bad Girl dropping a leg across Wright’s neck. Happy with her choreographing debut, Alix scoots onto CW for a fall… ONE! TWO! Wright pushes his way out the pin, and immediately starts looking for a way out this troubling situation. Salvation doesn’t seem to be forthcoming due to a whistling Alix bringing him off the canavs. Keeping up her whistling while she works, Alix latches onto CW’s arm in order to set up a single arm DDT. But her comparatively weak grip can’t hold the 2005 rookie of the year, and he easily busts out. Alix is quick to recover, however, and attacks The Natural with flesh searing knife edge chops. Having weakened him with the simple blows, she runs to the ropes and leaps into the air to roll through her foe with a high flipping lariat! Kipping up, she busts out a bit of head banging before sending a dropkick towards Wright. But once again, CW evades the simple strike, by capturing hold of her legs. Alix falls to the canvas, but with her legs still tangled inside Wright’s arms she’s left at his mercy. What mercy he shows isn’t much; The Natural throws his body backwards and tosses Alix into the canvas with a wheelbarrow suplex. She lies sprawled out on the canavs, her agonized face shrouded by her chocolate hair. Wright laughs at this misfortune that’s came to her as he moves to his corner and applies the tag with Moneymaker. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” The Billion Dollar Heir brings her to her feet where he attaches her into a front facelock. He chuckles at Krista and then raises Alix into air. After a delay to show off his superior strength, he falls backwards, torpedoing her neck straight into the ring with a deadly brain buster DDT! The impact of the deathly attack shocks Alix into long tortured screams, ones that cause Krista to urge her to get up and fight back. But Krissy’s wish remains ungranted, and her mood only worsens when she watches Moneymaker drive a fistful of dollars into her upper back. COLE The loss at Anglemania VI hurt Moneymaker very deeply, ever since that night he’s gone out of his way to torment and torture Krista. Feeling that the former Enterprise member deserves more punishment before she’s pinned, Moneymaker happily brings her into a standing head scissors. A throat slash gesture infuriates Krista, and draws her into the ring to level sharp threats at Moneymaker. The tycoon only smiles at her harsh words and proceeds to spike Alix’s head into the canvas with a pile driver! Her hands instantly find her now sore neck, and pain stretches across a face reddened with exhaustion. The billion dollar heir wishes to keep the pressure on the Californian, and yanks her off the mat to tighten his arms around her in a sleeper hold. Alix struggles against his noose like grip, fighting with her every ounce of energy for her freedom. But her efforts are for naught as Mister Moneymaker brings her crashing into the canvas with a sleeper drop. After promising Clem his retirement fund will be well cared for, the unscrupulous businessman hooks the leg for a fall… ONE! TWO! Alix kicks out, which lets the fans breathe a little easier. Moneymaker, however, retracts all promises made to Clem and assures the elderly referee he’ll spend his dying days in an outhouse. Finished dressing down the official, Moneymaker pulls Alix up by her arm and uses it to fling into the ropes. On her return he attempts to brandish her with an overhand right, but much to his chagrin she slides her body between his legs. Not giving him a moment to turn around, the Latina leaps onto his shoulders. She agilely swings around and throws him over with a crowd pleasing hurricanrana! Seeing his boss go down with such force spurs The Natural into the ring, wielding a lariat. “Uh-oh, I’m in deep pickles!” Alix cries. But the cute brunette solves her own problem by leaping forward and nearly concussing The Natural with a spinning wheel kick. She celebrates with a round of disco dancing that’d make Vinny proud or perhaps wonder if his purpose in the OAOAST is now irrelevant. Either way her flashback to 70s is interrupted by The Billion Dollar Heir snatching her into a rear waistlock. But Moneymaker’s hold doesn’t do him much good; Alix grabs onto his neck and uses it to flip herself behind her foe. Limiting herself to a brief two-step routine, she crushes Moneymaker’s neck into the canavs with an inverted DDT! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans cheer as Alix proceeds to use Moneymaker’s back as a surfboard. No not the move, an actual surfboard. Once done hanging ten, Alix leaps off the heir to the Moneymaker fortune and makes the tag with Krista! The fitness queen uses the ropes to propel herself with a shooting star press towards the wounded Moneymaker. But his trusted right hand man comes to his aid and clotheslines her right the air! She touches down with gruesome impact, her neck contorting awkwardly upon hitting the canvas. Her screams and those of the audience’s fill the air, as Alix panics on the ring apron. Alix’s fear isn’t eased any, when Moneymaker scrapes Krista’s carcass off the mat and lifts it onto his shoulders for a powerbomb. But both Alix and the fans are given a treat by Krista slipping out Moneymaker’s grasp and striking him with the x-factor! “YEAAAAAAAA!” Krista dives on top of her hated rival for a pinfall. But before Buzzlefoxer can even think to score this latest fall, CW is pulling Krista off his associate. With one hand on her ankle, he leads her upright, hoping to hold her in place for a rising Moneymaker. But his plan results only in failure as Krista knocks him away with a majestic back flip kick. Wright has served as good cannon fodder for Moneymaker, and the billion-dollar heir jumps Krista from behind with pointed elbow strikes. His arms fall across her waist, and that hold grants him the power to throw her backwards with a bridging german suplex! As the fans cringe from the devastating nature of the hold, Buzzlefoxer makes his count… ONE! TWO! But Alix breaks up the pin! COLE Folks, we have to take a quick commercial break, but please don’t go away, we’ve got more coming up! COMMERCIAL Returning from break, a wounded Krista is trying to rise from the mat on her own accord. Her enemy emphatically tries to show her that it would've been wiser to stay on the mat and get pinned, by throwing a sidekick towards her midsection. But she catches firm hold of his shoe, indefinitely delaying the strike. She shakes her head like an admonishing mother, then dizzies her rival by spinning him in a 360 rotation. When the tycoon comes back to face her, she gives him a taste of his own medicine by striking him in the gut. The sex kitten then sweeps around Moneymaker, and catches him into an inverted 3/4th face. Seconds later she flips forward into a black and gold blur, violently twisting her adversary to the ground with a flipping neckbreaker. A grotesque pain seeps into Moneymaker’s clobbered neck, as the crowd bestows Krista’s sensational attack with an enormous cheer. But The Enterprise’s dirty tactics rear their uglyhead once more with Wright entering the ring to clobber Krista with a side Russian leg sweep. Moneymaker throws Miss Money In The Bank into the corner where she slams front first into the turnbuckles. Having plenty of padding in the chest area, Krista is able to shrug off the blow, and when Moneymaker makes a mad charge towards her she counters with an elbow to his face. The fans cheer as they watch the most hated man in the OAOAST stagger backwards with hands shielding his sore face. Krista keeps Wright docile by lifting up her skirt just enough to show some of her outer thigh, and blowing him a kiss. More worried about his fast expanding beef burrito than Mister Moneymaker, Wright stays on the outside to watch Krista come off the second rope with a cross body block. However, Moneymaker recovers and shifts to his side to plant Krista into the canvas with a brutal DDT! She shrieks in agony, feeling as though her head had been split open with a pick axe. Seeing her misery brings a smile to Moneymaker’s face, and he decides to share the joy with CW and makes a tag to his friend. “CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!” Wright snaps at the incredibly annoying OAOAST Marks “SILENCE! SILENCE! SILENCE!“ “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” they chant back. COACH We always got a great and classy crowd in the OAOAST. The kind of family atmosphere you can feel comfortable bringing your kids to. Drawing of knowing she’s not alone in her quest to make Wright’s life a miserable hell, Krissy lifts herself off the canvas. Problematically, she raises herself directly into the waiting clutches of her enemy's front face lock. Wright clamps down onto her skimpy micro skirt then foists her into her air, holding her into position to showcase what he believes to be impressive strength. Her flowing blond hair spills freely across his arm, while he giggles treacherously over the pain he's soon to inflict upon her. As the audience jeers the predicament he’s forced Krista into, The Natural dives backwards and spikes Krista’s head into the canvas with a punishing brain buster. The fans react with horrified shrieks, as a replay of the devastating hold flashes on the video screens. His teeth shine with a satisfied chuckle, as he goes for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista kicks out, and the fans loudly sing her name in celebration. Wright feels incredible frustration over failing to gain a three count and so takes that frustration out on Alix by elbowing her off the ring apron. Alix falls over onto the outside mats, struggling to cope with the headache Wright has just caused her. Smirking with pleasure over his misdeed, Wright returns to Krista, who’s managed to find her way back upright. His arms slide around her thin waist and then bring her into the air, before violently slamming her to the canvas with a side slam. Krista hollers out in pain, hearing the awful sound of her bones cracking against the solid mat. Wright stretches his body across her’s for another pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista gets her shoulder off the canvas, and is punished by a round of closed fists from The Natural. He brings her to her feet and throws her into the ropes. Lowering his head, he expects her to leap frog him. But these expectations go unmet and the wrestler of the year is thrown to the canvas by a crowd popping sunset flip! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Wright lifts his shoulder up at the last possible microsecond. Rushing back to his feet, he’s able to meet Krista with a European uppercut that sends her massive sweater puppets a bouncing WRIGHT Fully aware that there’s absolutely zero hope for his libido charged partner, Moneymaker makes sure Krista can’t seize the advantage by leveling her with a diving lariat. Senile Clem doesn’t seem to recall that this isn’t a handicap match and so allows Moneymaker to stay in the ring to plot out a double team. Together he and The Natural throw Krista into the ropes, and as the blonde beauty returns they grab her well insured legs and launch her flipping figure high into the sky. To the fans outrage and horror, the walk of famer comes down directly on her neck. So hurt by this gruesome landing, she can hardly manage a single cry of pain. As Wright clears out the ring, Moneymaker attempts a cover…. ONE! TWO! Another heroic kickout by Krista brings upon a wave of fury from Moneymaker and he chews out both opponent and referee alike. Yet its only Krista who has to suffer physical torment; Moneymaker picks her up merely to smash her back against his knee with a harmful backbreaker. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” “SILENCE!” CW screams As the fans ignore Wright’s orders for quietude, the money maven whips Krista into the ropes. Though she returns with lightening speed, Moneymaker is still ready for her, and leaves her lying with a spinning elbow. Looking over his shoulder at his whimpering handiwork, he smiles and offers himself a round of applause. “Now you know why the call me The Messiah!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Moneymaker’s mere words might as well be rousing gospel to the crowd, as they’re even more infuriated to see him throw their beloved heroine to the outside mats. The front row fans do their best to rally and encourage Krista, but their pleas fall on deaf ears. Wright lifts her up and uses her body as battering ram to run straight through the guard rail. She screams in pain, a pain that grows horribly with the stomps of CW Brook’s Brothers loafer. “You better leave her alone, meanie!” “And what if I chose not to?” Wright calls back to Alix ALIX TO CW Under fire from a missile launch of bottles, balls, and OAOAST merchandise, CW knows its time to surrender and relinquishes Krista back into the ring. However, to Ally’s great displeasure, The Natural follows Krista inside, eying down a miserable double team with his partner in white collar crime. Together they hurl Krista into the ropes, and as she returns they step forward to lacerate her with a double lariat. But Krista ducks down and serves them both a BLUE BALL SPECIAL! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Wright is seemingly spared from the extraordinary pain when Krista abruptly pulls her hand away. Unfortunately a new, more maddening pain appears when Krista stares at her hand and shrieks “AH SYPHLIS!” Not giving The Natural a chance to defend himself against STD allegations, Krista chucks Moneymaker into him and the pair topple over to huge cheers from the North Carolina fans. The good mood continues as Krista dives backwards and makes the tag with The Hollywood Bad Girl. COLE Alix back in this match! Moneymaker is eager to make certain Alix poses no threat to his team and charges her with a shoulder block. But Alix uses the ropes to aid in her counter, and upends the onrushing billionaire with a spring board dropkick! Leaving Moneymaker behind to nurse his wounds, The Hollywood Bad Girl once again uses the ropes as a launching pad. This time her path carries her towards CW, and she violently twists his neck with a flipping neckbreaker! ALIX “YEAAAAAAAA!” COACH Is that dog humping your teddy bear? COLE Mister Poppers! Noooooooo! Moneymaker retries his effort to calm down Alix’s surge. But he doesn’t even get within inches of the Latina cutie, as Krista spears him through the ropes to grand cheers from the audience. Both competitors touch down on the outside mats with hard, booming impact, but even still Krista manages to scramble up to her feet. “Charlotte, I didn’t come here to wrestle, I could do that against hobos in Skid Row on Sundays like Alix . I came to get drunk, where the disgusted eyes of my youngest daughter can not fill me with shame. Lay a beer on me!” Krista gets several beers and more than happily downs their contents. What she can’t stomach for fear of alcohol poisoning, she empties onto Moneymaker’s body as he uses the guardrail to pull himself upright. More frustrating and more painful for The Messiah is the DDT that leaves him lying in a pool of over priced, watered down, Bud Light! “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Buzzlefoxer lectures Krista over her wastefulness reminding her that in World War I he used to have to pose as an Austrian hooker just to drink yeast from the taps in Italy. Due to his preoccupation with telling Krista old war stories, he falls to notice Alix has bundled up CW with a victory roll. The audience and the fitness queen urge the referee to do his rather simple job as three seconds stretch painfully past. “BOOOOOO!” the venom from the audience is not only for Clem’s horrible referring, but also for Mister Dick who charges down the aisle with chair in hand! Despite Krista’s quick move to intercept him, The Human Hard On slides into the ring where his chair falls across Alix’s head. Just as soon as he enters, so does he depart, rushing through stands to elude a pursuing Krista! COACH Thank god for The Dick! Pin them! Pin them! Wright rolls Alix’s dazed and beaten body over for a pinfall that audience dreads with agony. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING DING! COACH A huge win for The Enterprise! A huge win! Wright holds his hands up in glorious triumph as The Enterprise’s theme song returns to the arena. On the outside, Moneymaker is only vaguely aware of what’s occurred, but his small recognition is enough to bring on a tiny chuckle of satisfaction. COLE Yes, indeed. Unfortunately thanks to an assist from Mister Dick, The Enterprise has claimed a victory over their greatest rivals in Chicks Over Dicks. But like Lakers/Celtics, and Yankees/Red Sox, there’s still more to be written between these four. COMMERCIAL

Backstage former OAOAST world champion Tony Brannigan is with the leather bound duo, Mister Dick and Malaysia. BRANNIGAN Tony Brannigan here in the ActionZone with The Human Hard On Mister Dick and former women’s champion, Malaysia. Both representing the Deadly Alliance and both with a bone to pick with the OAOAST Marks. MALAYSIA Plenty of bones to pick, I wouldn’t mind going into the stands and breaking some either. That’d be fun. BRANNIGAN That must be your idea of foreplay! Mister Dick, why the anger to the OAOAST Marks? MISTER DICK A lot of folks, who don’t know nothing bout me, call me vulgar and crude. These idiots sit around all day, watchin video tape of me, not for my six pack abs or toned biceps, but for my mouth, trynna see how many times I’m gonna curse, or how many times I’m gonna degrade females or how many times I’m gonna do this and that thing that they don’t like. And I say they can all go straight to hell and stay there for the rest of their life! They get a gigantic metal rod up their old wrinkled broke good for nothing ass whenever I do something and call TSM and tell ‘em to get me off the network. These people done tried to paint me as a beast, that can’t control himself! They attacked me for wanting to lay the beating on Krista’s daddy, and praised Alfdogg when he came out like a chump and played Superman. Alfdogg, you ain’t nothing but a Superbitch and I ain’t gotta have no crystal ball to see you got a Eulogy in yer future. You call yerself Alfdogg, I ain’t got no idea what that name means, boy because you ain’t Alf the alien, and you ain’t no dog, you just a chicken shit piece of crap! BRANNIGAN Jock, please! This is what people are talking about. MALAYSIA Go on, baby. Give it to them! Make them squirm. MISTER DICK Keep yer trap shut, old man, ain’t nobody in this building tryin to hear from you. When I’m done whuppin on Krista, maybe I’ll toss your carcass around the arena. You truly are a pathetic sight with your microphone and your polo shirt, lookin’ like the Josh Matthews butch loverboy. I don’t got no respect for you, Brannigan and I don’t go no respect for Krista or her lyin’ and theivin’ family neither. That alzhemiers havin’ fake hip, depends wearin bastard told me he was gonna beat on me! He laid down the challenge first, Brannigan. I accept it ‘cause I’m a man and that’s what man does. But the day of the fight comes and father time ain’t no where to be seen. He got hit with a yellow streak! He must have cats at home, cause there’s definitely some pussy in him. Listen old man, you look like the rotten corpse of an anorexic crackhead, you might have thought you was doin the right thing for your daughter, but you weren’t. You did the exact wrong thing. Cause I’m still pissed atcha, I’m still pissed at the whole Duncan clan. I can’t lay my hands on Jade, ‘cause Josie’s hanging her saggy breasts over me, hemmin and hawwin about a suspension. All I got to go after is yer family’s pride and joy, Krista. I gotta give her ass a beatin for three people. For Lindsay, for myself, and for you. MALAYSIA Don’t forget me. Don’t forget how I love watching Duncan girls’ scream. MISTER DICK Woman,you gonna be in heaven like the Holy god damn ghost come Anglemania! Old man, I plan on beatin’ yer daughter so bad every man in her family down to her great great great grandpappy is gonna feel it. Don’t think I can’t do it neither! Your daughter done went down a road that’s gonna leave her lyin in blood. I ain’t got nothing more to say than that, Brannigan. Mister Dick and Malaysia engage in a passionate and lustful kiss to end the interview. BRANNIGAN Fans, stay tuned for more of the OAOAST! COMING UP NEXT ANGLEMANIA VI REMATCH CHICKS OVER DICKS VS THE ENTERPRISE NEXT!

RECORDED EARLIER THIS WEEK LINDSAY LOHAN’S CONDO Melissa Nerdly sits beside the hottest starlet in tinseltown Lindsay Lohan MELISSA Hello, OAOAST Marks, thanks for joining me, Melissa Nerdly, for my exclusive one on one interview with Deadly Alliance member, Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay, thanks for welcoming me into your home. LINDSAY My pleasure. MELISSA What has been the hardest part about your feud with Krista Isadora Duncan? LINDSAY LOHAN You know what’s hard? I wanted to be that woman. I saw her doing all the things that make her fulfilled, kids, work, everything, and I wanted that for myself. I used to tell her that to. She would tell me I could have it. But she never told me it’d come by sacrificing my friendships. I didn’t know she got to where she was by stabbing people in the back. No, I thought it was hard work and honesty that made Krista who she was. But as soon as a friend no longer is valuable to her she just tosses them aside. MELISSA How do you think Krista has handled this very public feud? LINDSAY I think she’s instigating and antagonizing me. Not directly. But she has her friends, and her PR people leak certain things. Like there was a news report I once called her at 4 am cursing her out. I would never knew that. I know she has a family, there are other people who live there. I’m a better person than that. MELISSA You won’t stoop to her level, and good for you. I wish more people were like you as a matter of fact. LINDSAY I feel as though it’s a situation where people have manifested this caricature of who I am and who she is, and they act as if there’s no real person inside it. I mean people believe I’m a fame-hungry spotlight obsessed girl and she’s this wisecracking supermodel, and this is just a funny feud. But its not funny, its very serious. MELISSA Its serious because of her intention to degrade and demean you. Why would you ever wan to be like that woman? LINDSAY I wanted to be a star, and she was a star, and she did it on her own terms. But I think a lot of what people think I am, are just reflections of the worst parts of Krista. People see me as this girl who loves to be photographed, doesn’t know how to focus, just loves to go out, loves to party, doesn’t work well on set. Those are all Krista traits. She does those things and people think she’s eccentric and fun. I do them and I’m a bad person. MELISSA The hypocrisy doesn’t make sense! LINDSAY I adopted her as a role model and look where it got me. I never went to college, I was a child actress, and she was my role model and it was a failure. She once said to me “I’d love to make a movie with you or do a TV show, let’s get out of all the Hollywood bullshit, let’s go somewhere you can be focused and let’s make something great.” That meant a lot to me. Because as much as I admired her she genuinely meant it. But in the end I guess it was all a lie. MELISSA What do you hope happens to Krista? LINDSAY I hope Mister Dick beats her at Anglemania. MELISSA Don’t we all? Don’t we all? LINDSAY I don’t know if I wish her harm. But I wish her suffering. MELISSA You have every right to do just that. Lindsay, thank you so much. Everyone, this is Melissa Nerdly wishing you a goodnight and a safe weekend. !MAD CAPPA VS PRL!

REJECT IS BOLDLY GOING TO ANGLEMANIA PARAMORE-DECODE(omg IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT Paramore is Patty's favorite band!) How can I decide what's right When you're clouding up my mind? I can't win your losing fight All the time. Reject pulls himself to his feet, then makes his way over to Melissa. The two stare at each other for a second, before Reject reaches his right arm around Melissa's neck, to her right arm, grabbing his belt...then Melissa reaches her left hand up, grabbing Reject behind the neck, and PULLING HIM FOR A BIG KISS! How can I ever own what's mine? When you're always taking sides But you won't take away my pride. No, not this time. Not this time. Moss then turns around as Reject springs in...and hits him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 How did we get here? When I used to know you so well. But how did we get here? Well, I think I know. Leon falls to the mat, and Reject turns around on the top rope, and drops the MACHO MAN ELBOW~!!! COLE Big elbowdrop from Reject! Both men lay on the mat for several seconds, before Reject KIPS UP~! as the crowd boos. The truth is hiding in your eyes And it's hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood. But you think that I can't see What kind of man that you are, If you're a man at all. Well, I will figure this one out On my own. (I'm screaming, "I love you so.") On my own. (My thoughts you can't decode) Reject grabs O'Hara around the face, but O'Hara shoves him into the ropes, and delivers a kick to the midsection, then starts to set up a BLACK RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP, but as he grabs the arm of Reject, Reject brings it up and hooks him, dropping him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 in one fluid motion! How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well, yeah. But how did we get here? Well, I think I know. Reject rolls TK out of the way, then gets in a 3-point stance as 9-Mill executes the slingshot, unwittingly shooting his partner right into a EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves. Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Reject slides in, then grabs the chair from Simon and cracks him over the head! Ned then turns and sees Reject, and charges him for a clothesline, but Reject ducks, drops the chair, and catches Ned with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah. How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well. I think I know. I think I know. Reject hops on the buckle and raises the belt, as the crowd showers him with cheers. As Reject continues to pose on the buckles, fireworks explode over the ring, followed by navy & white confetti showering from the ceiling. There is something I see in you. It might kill me. I want it to be true. BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO ANGLEMANIA HAS GONE BEFORE TO INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA OAOAST WORLD TITLE: ZACK MALIBU VS BOHEMOTH III KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE LINDSAY LOHAN ALFDOGG VS REJECT PRL VS LEON RODEZ UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: TODD CORTEZ VS JAMES BLONDE OAOAST TAG TITLES: LDC $MONEYGANG$ VS TEAM HEYROSS PLUS, JADE-RODEZ DUNCAN, LANDON MADDIX, THEODORE MONEYMAKER, AND MORE!

In the locker rooms we go, where a rather pensive Maggie Nerdly stands arm in arm with Tha Puerto Rican, almost clinging onto him for support as much as unity. MAGGIE Listen, thanks for coming you guys. The camera pans away from PRL and Maggie, revealing a pretty full crowded locker room. MARV and MEL are there. D*LUX, Shayne Brave still wearing a cast on his broken wrist, they're there, along with Women's Champ Jade Rodez-Duncan. Chicks Over Dicks are there since Jade's there, although Krista looking thoroughly disinterested in the whole thing since it's not about her and Alix is distracted by the fact there's a light shining off of Jade's watch onto the wall. Bohemoth is there next to them. And sat facing Maggie and PRL is a fidgety Leon Rodez. MAGGIE Err... well, I guess we all know why we're here. ALIX Yep. And, for what it's worth, now that the world's been obliterated by meteors and we're gonna be the ones charged with colonising this new planet, I gotta say I couldn't have wished for a greater group of people to have survived with. Yay Team Earth! KRISTA The world isn't over, that's just the line they used on you to get us in here. ALIX Aw, sweet. I get to see Dance Movie after all! Alix and Tyler high-five. PRL gives them a funny look because, well, seriously. MAGGIE (desperately trying to get back on message) We're here... to clear the air, before some sorta super drama starts up. And because I need to apologise to Leon. Still uncomfortable with the whole situation, Leon continues to look down at the floor. MAGGIE Not for anything I've done or anything I've said or anything like that. Cause, honestly, we haven't done anything wrong. But I do feel kinda bad about the way you found out about all this and for that I'm sorry. I was gonna get around to telling you sooner or later, for reals, but what with everything that's been goin' on with the World Title recently and all that... Leon glances up at the mention of that, nerve struck. LEON Well, in that case, thank you both for sparing my feelings. MAGGIE Don't be like that Leon. LEON I'm not being like anything. But do we really need to do this? You've moved on, congratulations, end of story. Isn't that enough? I mean I get that you're feeling guilty about the fact you felt the need to keep it from me for so many days... PRL Well... months. The assembled mediators resist the urge to give a Jerry Springer style reaction as Maggie's eyes shut, making it clear PRL slipped up. LEON Months? MAGGIE Just a couple. LEON So it's been going on for a couple of months and you didn't feel the need to tell me? MAGGIE Well... you had the match with Zack coming up and I didn't wanna put any kinda stress on you before that... LEON I still don't get why any of this should have been a stress to me. Why are we all acting as if I'm some emotionally crippled teenager who's got some kind of shrine to you built up at home, just praying you'll one day take me back? Do I come off as that desperate to everybody? Or just you? What makes you think I'd have that much of a problem with it, aside from your choice in men, what you di... PRL Woah woah woah woah WOAH! What the hell's that supposed to mean!? Maggie urges PRL to calm down. PRL It's not like you've got any room to talk, pal! LEON And what's that supposed to mean? PRL Oh you know damn well what it means! Standing up from his chair, Leon suddenly finds his path to PRL blocked by D*LUX. He quickly cools off and sits back down. MAGGIE See! I know you're not the best of friends, so maybe that had something to do with it. Look, you want me to be straight with you? No problems. I didn't wanna put any hassle on you because we were only just getting back to being friends again. It kinda happened at the wrong time. After he came back from his bicep injury, I was doing some interviews with him and me and Edward just kinda hit it off. PRL's eyebrows raise a little. Cue sniggers from the rest of the room. LEON Your real name is Edward? PRL Yeah, what's it to you!? Do you honestly think my parents really named me Tha Puerto Rican!? LEON No. It's just that we've been in the same company for five years now, and I've yet to find out what your real name is. Maggie's been with you for a few months now, and she already knows everything about you! (under breath) Besides, I kinda figured that your name was Dwayne. PRL Why would you think my name was Dwayne? LEON No reason. Maggie settles 'Edward' down again. PRL ...it means "guarder of wealth". MAGGIE I know, I know. Noticing Bohemoth is among those still smirking at him, PRL gives him a dirty look, but quickly looks away when Bo starts to lower his sunglasses. MAGGIE Look I'm sorry this whole thing's turned into such a mess and I know it's my fault for not being straight with you from the start... ALIX Yeah, at least I pretended to be straight! MAGGIE ...BUT I just want us to put this all behind us and get on with our lives. Us friends, me and Edward partners. With no bad feelings. Leon shrugs. MAGGIE And I want you both to promise that you're not gonna use all this as some kinda stick to beat each other with at AngleMania. You guys agreed to a fair, friendly match and I don't wanna be responsible for changing that. I'm not one of those girls who thinks it's cute having two guys fighting over her, just so you know. We all just need to move on, let this be the last of it. Kay? PRL looks at Leon, not in a particular friendly way. PRL 'Kay'. MAGGIE Leon? LEON Don't worry. All of this... it's not going to change what happens between us at AngleMania. Standing up, Leon goes to leave, stopping right by PRL. LEON So, I'll see you then, 'Edward'. Leon brushes past PRL ever so slightly which threatens to set the Latin Lion off, but Maggie has a pretty good grip on his arm just incase. Once Leon's a suitable time gone, PRL leaves the locker room too, with Maggie forced to make some quick thank yous for the peacemakers' help. KRISTA Well that was a whole heap of nothing. You promised they'd fight. JADE Only because you wouldn't have come otherwise. The odd group of OAOASTers stand around wondering if they're allowed to leave yet. It's at this point, Alix looks up. ALIX Wrestlers dating wrestlers... it's sick, is what it is! Jade scratches her neck awkwardly with a slight glance at Bo. Which'd be much more awkward, if it weren't for Alix's wrestler girlfriend being in the room being even more glaring and obvious. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT ANGLEMANIA II REMATCH ZACK MALIBU VS ANGLESAULT TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Heart-Shaped Box hits, and multicolor spotlights shine down on the entrance way. Abdullah Abir Nerdly makes his way through the curtains, leading out Holly, Synth, and Logan. COLE And this a rematch from last year's AngleMania, this time The Heavenly Rockers will be challenging for the belts! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the OAOAST World tag team championship! Making their way to the ring, accompanied by Abdullah Abir Nerdly and Holly, at a combined weight of 417 pounds...the greatest Rock 'N' Wrestling band of ALL TIME...THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEAVENNNNLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR OCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSS!!!!! Synth and Abdullah do their prayer, as Logan taunts the crowd. Synth then enters the ring, and he and Logan discuss strategy. Shine hits, and the crowd comes to its feet as Team Heyross make their way through the curtains. BUFFER Their opponents...at a combined weight of 485 pounds...they are the OAOAST World tag team champions...CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSS!!!!! COLE It was one month ago that Team Heyross became the fifth team in OAOAST history to win the World tag team titles three times, and tonight, they defend against one of the other four teams, The Heavenly Rockers! Team Heyross enters the ring, and hops on the buckles, holding their belts high in the air, as the crowd cheers. They jump down, and landing facing Synth and Logan, who were planning a sneak attack, but rethink their plans as the referee quickly jumps in. He takes the belts from Team Heyross and raises them in the air, then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Benjamin starts off with Synth, and the two circle the ring. They tie up, and Benjamin wrings the arm, but Synth quickly reverses. Synth puts pressure on, but Benjamin rolls on the mat, then does a handspring, then reverses once again. He soon goes to a hammerlock, but Synth is able to reverse into one of his own. Benjamin reaches his right arm up, then flips up and behind the back of Synth, and attempts a reverse sunset, but Synth blocks with the ropes, then runs towards Benjamin, who drops down, then leapfrogs Synth, and catches him with an armdrag! COLE Great sequence right there, and Quentin Benjamin comes out on top! Benjamin holds on, and executes a top wristlock, driving knees into the arm. Synth manages to get to his feet, at which point Benjamin wrings the arm again. Synth delivers a kick to the gut, then goes for a knucklelock. He forces Benjamin down to the mat, pinning his shoulders... 1... 2... Benjamin bridges up, then is shortly forced down again... 1... 2... Benjamin bridges up once again, then powers his way to his feet, and delivers a foot to the gut, then lunges his head forward and butts him in the face! COACH Ouch! Benjamin then runs to the ropes, still holding one of Synth's hands, and jumps to the top, then jumps back, and catches Synth with a HURRICANRANA~! COLE What a move by Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin re-applies the armbar, then drags Synth to the corner, and tags in Moss. COLE First tag of the match, and here comes Charlie Moss! Moss takes over on the arm, then backs Synth into a corner. He starts delivering right hands, but Synth goes to the eyes. He then turns Moss around, and delivers some rights of his own, before attempting to hiptoss him out of the corner. Moss reverses, and executes a hiptoss on Synth! Synth quickly rolls to his corner, and tags in Logan. COACH And here comes the Macho Macho Mann! Logan and Moss circle the ring, and tie up. Logan grabs a side headlock, and Moss backs him into the ropes and shoves him across. Logan and Moss collide in mid-ring, and Logan hits the mat. COLE Moss with a decided weight advantage over Logan... Logan then flips to his stomach, as Moss hops over him and runs to the ropes. Logan attempts a leapfrog, but is caught by Moss, who holds him around the waist, then lets him down and holds him around the shoulders, and executes an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE BIG suplex from Charlie Moss! Moss tags in Benjamin, and slams Logan in position, as Benjamin slings over with a guillotine legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin executes a gutwrench suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin lets Logan get to his feet, then backs into the ropes, where Abdullah grabs his foot from the outside! COLE Hey! Abdullah grabbing Benjamin's leg from the outside! Benjamin reaches through the ropes and lunges for Abdullah, who gets out of the way. Benjamin turns back around, and is met with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! from Logan, sending him through the ropes and to the floor! COLE And Logan taking advantage with that left hand! As Logan distracts the referee, Synth grabs Benjamin in a front facelock, while Abdullah lays in some kicks! COLE And look at Abdullah with those cheap shots on the floor! Synth tosses Benjamin back inside, where Logan chokes away at him on the mat. He then tags in Synth, who executes a snap neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth whips Benjamin into the ropes, and catches him with a clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth makes his way over to Moss, drawing him into the ring, then joining Logan in choking Benjamin on the top rope. Synth then tags in Logan as the referee comes back, and Logan hammers away in a corner, then attempts to whip him across. Benjamin reverses, then charges, but catches a foot to the face! COACH Should have tagged right there! Logan covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan then tags in Synth, and Synth whips Benjamin into the ropes. Benjamin ducks a clothesline, then swings around and catches Synth in a crucifix! 1... 2... Kickout! Synth gets to his feet, and stomps away on Benjamin, then tags Logan back in. Logan grabs Benjamin in a sleeper! COLE Sleeper hold applied! Will this be enough to bring a fourth title to the Heavenly Rockers? Benjamin fades slowly, and drops to the mat. The referee checks the arm... ONE!!! TWO!!! ...Benjamin keeps the arm up on the third lift! He struggles to his feet, then drives in elbows, breaking the hold. He backs into the ropes, and knocks Logan to the mat with a shoulderblock! He then runs to the ropes again, hops over Logan, but Logan gets to his feet and catches him with a knee to the gut! COACH Nice move by Logan! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan backs Benjamin into a corner, and whips him across, then charges...but Benjamin gets his foot up, then catches Logan with a bulldog! COLE And now Benjamin needs to tag! Benjamin inches towards his corner, as Synth climbs into the ring, attempting to stop him, but is intercepted by the referee, as Benjamin makes the tag to Moss! COLE And there it is! COACH No, the referee didn't see it! The referee turns around, and forces Moss out of the ring. As Moss protests, Synth and Logan set up Benjamin for a double team DDT! However, Benjamin manages to slip free, and armdrags Synth and Logan across the ring! COLE Look at that move! Benjamin then rolls on the mat between the lunging arms of Synth and Logan, and TAGS MOSS! COLE And there's the tag! The referee saw that one! Moss climbs in and floors Logan with a clothesline! Then floors Synth with a clothesline! Hiptoss for Logan! Hiptoss for Synth! Moss picks up Synth, and executes a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX~! He follows with an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY on Synth! COLE Charlie Moss is a house afire! He's like a bull in a china closet! He's cleaning house! COACH ...any more cliches you want to throw out there? COLE WILL YOU STOP??? Moss covers... 1... 2... Logan saves! Benjamin tackles Logan into a corner, and starts firing away. Moss then sets up Synth in a corner, and the Heavenly Rockers are whipped into one another! Logan is sent out of the ring, while Synth staggers in the middle of the ring, perfect prey for the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! Moss then signals for the end! COLE Team Heyross looking to end it here! Moss picks up Synth, as Benjamin hits Logan with a PLANCHA on the outside! Moss whips Synth into a corner, and as Synth backs up, Moss ducks down and lifts him onto his shoulders, and Benjamin comes off the top for the SUPER ROCKER DROPPER! COLE Put this one in the books, folks! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE Team Heyross defends their titles! BUFFER The winners of the match...and STILL OAOAST World tag team champions...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSS!!!!! Moss and Benjamin are handed their belts, then charge at the ropes as Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire Jr. start to slide in, then quickly back off! COLE Look, it's Colin and Spencer! They were coming for Team Heyross, but the champs saw them coming! Colin and Spencer talk trash from the outside, while Team Heyross raises their belts in the air while staring them down. COLE What an exciting match it's going to be in ten days at AngleMania VIII, when those two teams will meet for those belts! Folks, we'll be back!

"Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake plays as red and blue clips of past AngleMania bouts zoom past the screen. ANGLEMANIA SHILL CENTER Inside the state-of-the-art Shill Center is OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. The red and blue clips from the open in full color on TV monitors in the background. BRANNIGAN What excitement AngleMania Rematch has brought us thus far, but it pales in comparison to the kind of action you can expect to see live exclusively on pay-per-view one week from this Sunday. It’s ANGLEMANIA VIII and this year Indianapolis, Indiana hosts the teenage father of them all. Tickets for the event have long since been sold out, but you can still catch all the action from the comfort of your own home live exclusively on pay-per-view. NO DISQUALIFICATION Alfdogg vs. Reject BRANNIGAN I know the folks in Indianapolis, Indiana are really looking forward to this one. Native son Alfdogg returns home to seek revenge on former Deadly Alliance running mate Reject. The R-Man very instrumental in getting Alf booted from the DA. When they meet this time Alf will have the numbers on his side with over 70,000 strong on hand! SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE LINDSAY LOHAN Krista Isadora Duncan vs. Mr. Dick BRANNIGAN Reject won’t be the only Deadly Alliance member in action come AngleMania, so too will Mr. Dick. He of course was the newest member until Hollywood wild child Lindsay Lohan recently joined the group. That on the heels of what she perceived to be a snub from Krista not getting invited to the 300th episode of HeldDOWN~! She and Jay Cutler would make a wonderful couple. In any event, Krista and the Human Hard-On will do battle on the grandest stage in all of parody e-fed, AngleMania. By the way, Dina, if you’re watching, call me. I think we could have some real fun together. Uh, watching AngleMania I mean! UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP AKA CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL EXHIBITION MATCH Todd Cortez © vs. James Blonde BRANNIGAN With championship gold on the line this could turn into bedlam as outcast CI member Todd Cortez defending his U.S. title against James Blonde. And whenever Blonde goes you can expect to find Faqu not too far behind. WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP Team Heyross © vs. the LDC Moneygang BRANNIGAN For the One & Only World tag team title, the newly formed tandem of Spencer Reiger & Colin Maguire, Jr. will face arguably the greatest in-ring tag team in OAOAST history Team Heyross. You’ll recall Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard were to get their shot at the tag titles by virtue of winning the 2009 Anderson Cup, but we all know what happened thanks to Theodore Moneymaker’s involvement. The shot now goes to the LDC Moneygang and if they manage to hit that awesome spike pedigree the belts will be theirs. FRIENDLY COMPETITION MATCH Leon Rodez vs. Tha Puerto Rican BRANNIGAN Dubbed a “friendly competition match," former OAOAST Champions Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez will square-off. One has got to feel for the Silky Smooth One. From World Champion to this? Somebody ought to place him on suicide watch if you ask. OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Zack Malibu © vs. Bohemoth II~! BRANNIGAN And in our main event, one that’s changed once already and could very well change again before the night is done, In Crowd pals Zack Malibu and Bohemoth will collide for the richest prize in the sport, the OAOAST Championship. In fact, it was one year ago at this very event that Bo DEFEATED the Franchise. To refresh your memory, let’s take you back to that night courtesy of OAOAST Home Entertainment. BRANNIGAN Now both men have wished each other luck heading into AngleMania. But what if history repeats and Bo goes home with the title, or Zack retains? Will they still be happy for the other? The answer to that Sunday night, April 5th live exclusively on pay-per-view. “Here I Go Again” cues. BRANNIGAN Don’t be the person around the watercooler who doesn’t know what everybody is talking about the following morning. Pick up the phone and call your local cable/satellite provider RIGHT NOW to order ANGLEMANIA VIII! * COMMERCIAL * COMING UP NEXT ANGLEMANIA VII REMATCH TEAM HEYROSS VS THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS NEXT!

Hmmmmm no sign of Alfredo D. Dogg either. Most troubling, this is. Aight then we'll do the show tomorrow, hopefully.

Hit me with some real motherfuckin' talk. Am I gonna need to delay this show? Speak on matters, b. I gots to know!

Damn, b, you gotta pay attention to the goings ons in this joint, shit moves speedy gonzalzes fast . Tony already called the open!

I wish I was good at making cute subtitles Mister Dick Vs Krista Isadora Duncan with special guest person who does stuff Lindsay Lohan! If we get to AM 15 will be emulate the legendary Bart Gunn Vs Butterbean match? You bitches were probably watching nameless luchadore vs 45 yr old fat ass on WCW so you might have missed it like some lames, but real niggas back in school was fuckin with that WWF and that WWF only. Shit was absurd back then, my art teacher once gave me a dx crotch chop. He also had a photo album filled with naked pictures of himself lying out in the open for all to look at, and often swore the "mother ship" was buried beneath our building and waiting for the proper moment to rise.

Hey, that was a pretty bad ass show. Good work to the people who wrote something. Really enjoyable stuff here.

Here's a man who shows respect to a real OG hood without question. Props to mah nigga.

I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer A golden pyro shower rains down from the heavens above (or the rafters, if you want), and through this amazing display of fireworks steps Mister Dick. The audience blasts him with heat as a hot as furnace and he returns their animosity in kind. His lean and chiseled body, brightened by a coat of baby oil, is encased inside glittering silver chaps with ultra tight white tights directing the viewer’s attention to his most prized possession. He flexes and pumps his impressive, Adonis like muscles inside the yellow pyro and golden lights before finally heading to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a CONGRESSIONL BEATDOWN! Now making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas, he is a former one and only world tag team champion, a star Heisman candidate quarterback of Texas A&M, he is The Human Hard On…..MISTER DIIIIIICK! COLE Only in pro wrestling can someone who was a third string quarterback suspended numerous times for attitude problems be elevated to star Heisman candidate quarterback! MD slides into the ring where he manages to repulse a good portion of the heterosexual male arena population by shamelessly thrusting his crotch into the ring floor. Once done with his ring humping, he thrusts his crotch towards the hostile crowd, showing no fear and no respect of their intense hatred. COLE Mister Dick making history in the worst way tonight, fighting a sixty five year old man who happens to be an elected United States offical. COACH Who threatened him, and straight up called him out. Daddy’s little girl ain’t happy with it, but this ol Uncle Sam declaration of independence ass nigga stepped into our world. The world of killahs! We murderin old punk dudes on some foul steeeez! COLE You add nothing to this show. COACH I add that dikk to yo mama’s poosay. Mister Dick has a microphone, and the audience is more than a bit perturbed by that fact. MISTER DICK Before I get this show on the road, I wanna say a few words. These ain’t words of malice or nothin’, I just wanna let some things off my chest. I’m about to whup me the ass of a democratic congressman, one of the same jokers pissin’ and moanin’ about AIG bonuses and talkin’ about they didn’t know nothing. Boy, that ain’t nothing but a damn lie. How do you not when someone is getting 160 million bucks? Boy, when I got recruited to Texas A&M, I hadn’t even played a down yet, and I had every body from my Uncle Nate to a damn hobo fresh off the boxcar knowin about it and hittin me up for a loan. Before the god damn ink even dried on my OAOAST contract, I had to unlist my phone number because I had cousins I ain’t even heard of from places as far as Nigeria trynna get me to feed their family of ugly bastards. I don’t care nothin’ about no AIG or no economic mess, this Congressman Duncan like all the rest of these stinkin weasels is incompment, is a liar and is cheating the American tax payer. Even if his last name weren’t Duncan I’d still probably beat that old man to the pavement. That said some of ya’ll don’t see the point of what I’m trynna do here. Ya’ll think I’m picking on Krista and her family like a school yard bully. I ain’t no bully and I ain’t no bad guy, I’m just a misunderstood kind of guy. But people like Michael Buffer, who openly criticized me backstage today, they don’t get me. I need someone out here, announcing my match, calling out the introductions who’s gonna pay me the respect that’s due me. I know ya’ll Canadians pieces of rodeo clown trash don’t have no manners or nothin, but try and give some applause to my special guest ring announcer….LINDSAY LOHAN! Bossy by that very same woman hits to bring out the queen of Hollywood Stardom. As I don’t feel like writing much of an entrance lets just say she walked to ring and be happy. COLE How can a ring announcer be biased? He just reads off the card! And we all what know what Lindsay Lohan is doing out here in her first appearance on HeldDOWN. COACH Lindsay’s a street soldier, son. You thought Krista ran the blocks of Beverly Hills? The BHPD ain’t ever had no warrant out for Krista’s arrest like they did LindsLo. This chick is hardcore and she’s the special guest referee at Anglemania! LOHAN The following SLAUGHTER is scheduled for one fall. Coming down to the ring, next, hopefully prepared to get beatdown Congressman Joel Duncan Cue: Kansas-Magnum Opus A huge but surprised pop follows the playing of Alfdogg’s theme. Neither Mister Dick nor Lohan look pleased with unexpected interruption and outrage reddens Mister Dick’s face as Alfdogg appears on the steel entrance stage dressed in full wrestling gear. He points a menacing and ominous finger at Mister Dick, letting the Cocky Prick know he has stern business with him. COACH I don’t appreciate this interruption! Lindsay gave us credibility in the entertainment world and Mister Dick setting up this match gave us credibility in the political world. This isn’t ain’t hip hop! Alfdogg enters the ring, with his eyes locked firmly on a former stablemate who trembles with rage. MISTER DICK Boy, you better have a damn good explanation why I’m staring at yer ugly mug and not the wrinkled old face of old man river. ALFDOGG I got a good one, Mister Dick. I talked with the Congressman, and he’s a smart guy. He saw that fighting you wouldn’t help his daughter, it only hurts her. He can’t beat you, and if she ran out to save him you and the boys would just jump her. Either way you win, and we didn’t want that. So I called him a cab, slipped him a few bucks and told him to buy his daughter something nice on me. I wasn’t gonna let you have this match. The day you announced it I was already thinking of how to stop it. MISTER DICK Yer man boobs may be the size of Josie Baker’s sloppy donkey tities but that don’t mean you can run around impersonating her. You ain’t got no right, none at all to tell me what I can and can’t do! ALFDOGG I got all the right in the world! I made the stable you represent! Everything you have now, I gave you, so you better show me some respect. MISTER DICK I ain’t gotta show you nothing but five fingers curled into a fist. You better give me a damn good explanation why I ain’t stompin the holly hell out of Joel Duncan’s geriatric ass. ALFDOGG Because I wouldn’t let you! The Deadly Alliance was about making power plays, collecting titles, and owning this damn ring. I admit we did some mighty questionable things, I won’t lie. But we kept it in the ring, we never involved anyone’s family. You, with Reject’s approval, crossed a line I never would’ve let you crossed. Now, I’ve come back to set things right. LINDSAY From what I remember you got beat out the group. I don’t think you have an opinion that matters in this situation. You know what I think you are? I think you’re a coward and an opportunist. You’re a coward because right after they kick you out, you said “That’s it, I quit!” I’m tougher than you, Alfdogg, and I’m a third of your body weight. There’s a warrant out for my arrest. Its there a warrant out for your’s? MISTER DICK Yeah, arrest him for being a chump bitch! LINDSAY You finally came back to cheat TK and ‘Ject out their tag titles when you saw an opportunity to make some major money at Anglemania. That makes you an oppurtunitist. You could’ve stood up for Krista’s dad weeks ago, but you didn’t because you were afraid of Mister Dick. MISTER DICK And I don’t blame ya none. LINDSAY But now that you see you have a chance to get in good with a celebrity and maybe a launch a movie career, reality show, music career, whatever you want to do, you run out here to play Superman. MISTER DICK Take that cape off, boy, and clean yer shit up, hos don’t wanna be saved like that. LINDSAY You are a coward and opportunist. The two worst kinds of people. ALFDOGG This coward and this opportunist is challenging you (points to MD) to a match! You got the dick, but doll you got the balls? “ALF! ALF! ALF!” Mister Dick takes a moment to think it over, and in that moment THUNERKID arrives to clothesline his former leader from behind! MISTER DICK Alf, you a good man, and I know you just wanna get a payday. I'ma help you out that, boy, no problem. Me and The Kid, we accept yer challenge. COLE Folks, when we come back it will be Alfdogg against Mister Dick…and ThunderKid? COMMERCIAL COACH This is gonna be a tag team war! COLE No, its going be a mugging! A totally unfair mugging! Despite the poor odds, Alfdogg is fighting valiantly against his old friends; he has TK trapped in the corner where he assails him with punches. But he can only enjoy beating on TK for so long before Mister Dick interrupts with a clubbing forearm. Three more strikes follow, finally pulling the former world champion away from TK. The Green Bay native shakes off the damage done to him by Alfdogg, and then joins MD in irish whipping Alf across the ring. The pride of Indiana avoids a double lariat from the Deadly Alliance, and makes another run to the ropes. But once he hits the cables, his ankle is seized by Lohan! “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The audience certainly isn’t happy, nor is Alfdogg. But his complaints cost him dearly as the DA succeeds in dragging him down with a double side Russian leg sweep. Quickly the two men move into position for a double team with TK taking hold of Alfdogg’s legs. He then bridges backwards and throws Alf forward, causing him to collide with the Stiff Kick of Mister Dick! While the fans deride such cheap tactics, Miss Lohan applauds her stablemates on the outside. Pulling Alfdogg back to his feet, Mister Dick pins his brawny arms behind him. This allows TK to batter his chest with knife edge chops, and once he grows board with that, he yanks Alf out of MD’s grip and DDT’s him into the canvas! Worse yet for the former Heartland champion, TK holds a guillotine choke that blatantly disregards any rules against chokehold. Alf paws and claws at the submission expert clutches, but does little to weaken the hold. Its only after a threat of DQ from referee Earl Hebner, does TK release his choke. But, the knee drop he slams onto Alf’s neck hurts even worse than the choke, and has him wheezing as though on the verge of death. With Alf still prone on the canvas, TK backs to the ropes, using them to build up speed to drop a second knee on Alf’s throat. He then grabs onto Alf’s arm and uses it to bring his old friend upright. His arms swing around Alf’s waist and then raise him into the air. A second later, Alf is dropped down across the outstretched knee of TK. “ALF! ALF! ALF!” The chants may spark Alf’s fighting sprit, but the boots of TK keep him down. Once assured that Alf is grounded, TK applies the tag with Mister Dick. The Human Hard On saunters into the ring with an arrogant sneer, regarding Alf as nothing more than dirt to be swept away. He gets to his clean up by dropping a swinging elbow on Alf, and then hooks his leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Alf gets his shoulder up, earning a rousing cheer from the fans. They resume chanting his name, even though things look bleak with Mister Dick beating away at him with punches. After ten fists connect with Alf’s skull, The Cocky Prick drags him upright with a yank of his curly blonde hair. He lifts him into the sky and then brings him down with a painful inverted atomic drop! COLE Setting up for the cock shock! Alf manages to roll beneath the lariat, causing him to wind up near the ropes and Mister Dick to clumsily stagger away. Alf hasn’t a chance to take advantage of Mister Dicks misfire as his ankle is held onto by Lohan. The grip off a 115 pound woman isn’t terribly hard for Alf to break but once he does Mister Dick returns to leave him lying with a cock shock! “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” the fans yell at both Mister Dick and Lohan as they offer them crotch chops. COACH We in the presence of a true G. Lindsay’s had a warrant out for her arrest. That’s real gangsta. How many people here got warrant for their arrest. COLE Jumbo, Reject, Alix, Ned, Simon, Sandman, Cuban Wall, Moneymaker, Rico, Lucius, Maggie, Morgan, Logan, Synth, Mariachi, Holly, Abdullah, CPA, Faqu, Danny Boy, Malaysia, Ragdoll, Todd Cortez, Melissa, Denzel Spencer, Reggie Lamont, Mister Dick, myself, the guy who cues the sound not the one with the beard the fat one with the mustache you’d know him if you saw him, Terry Taylor, Josh Matthews, Spencer Reiger, the one guy that smells kind of like chicken I think he works in editing, Anglesault has outstanding convictions for solicitation. Alf brings himself off the canvas, ready to try and turn the tide of this match around. That task is incredibly hindered by the fact that Mister Dick is bashing him in the back of the skull with elbows. But Alf remains valiant and fights back with hard left hands. For a moment he gains the upperhand, but a second of success is all he gets due to TK clubbing him down from behind. The DA then further punishes their old leader with a pair of leaping elbow drops. COLE A cheap shot by ThunderKid. The Deadly Alliance playing fast and loose with the rules as usual. A dizzied Alf brought back to his feet by Mister Dick while TK pushes himself off the ropes. Upon reaching Alf The Green Bay native runs forward to strike him down with a vicious diving shoulder tackle. Lohan applauds on the outside as the DA continue their ceaseless battering with brutal stomps. COLE This is a travesty! Alfdogg is a legend, a former world champion and an OAOAST Original, he doesn’t deserve this. Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working ’till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world “YEAAAAAAA!” With the theme song of The City blaring at full volume, Krista Isadora Duncan come charging out from the back. COACH Look at her bounce…I mean look at her run…ah hell just look at her bounce! Krista continues charging down the ramp, that is until her eye is caught by a woman’s nice pair of earrings. “Honey, those earrings are fabulous. Gucci? Verscae? Louis Vuitton?” “Neighbors dumpster.” “Bargain shopping. I like that.” Into the ring Krista slides, where’s she met with a hellacious round of boots from the alarmed Deadly Alliance members. “Stop! Stop! Stop! You’re stomping my contacts out!” she screams, and surprisingly TK does stop. This allows Krista to spring upright and level them both with dropkicks! “Sometimes, the simplest tricks are the best tricks.” Angered and annoyed over Krista interrupting a solid beating, Mister Dick rolls back to his feet to make sure her time in the contest is a short one. But before he can even throw a single punch, the walk of famer strikes him with a spinning wheel kick that propels him through the ropes to the outside mat. Lohan immediately rushes to his aid, as the fans offer a huge pop for Krista’s heroics. COLE It looks like referee Earl Hebner is letting this handicap match turn into a tag match and I for one am glad. COACH And you for one is a ho! Alf played captain save a geezer and Krista, who never does anything nice for any male here, is playing captain save a bum because that’s what Alf is a bum who got soft and had to be dealt with by real niggas. Krista latches onto TK’s arm and shoots him into the ropes. On his return he tries to take the offensive with an elbow strike. But Krista sidesteps his attack with ease, and sweeps his legs out. Only a second after hitting the canvas is TK cursed with even more pain thanks to Krista striking him with a spinning leg drop. He rolls away from her clutching his sore neck, silently cursing her interference. Miss Money In The Bank stalks his retreat, humming the theme song to Mash, because damn it that’s a good theme song. Never much of a mash fan, the former tag team champion tries to silence the blonde bombshell with an elbow to her stomach. But with abs of steel Krista is unaffected by the attack and pays back TK with a dropkick to the back of his head. Lindsay is infuriated by Krista’s presence and loudly berates her continued participation. “Oh, Lindsay, honey, I don’t know if anyone told you, but the crack is back that way. Eight balls as far the eye can see. Have a blast.” The queen of fitness and of insults turns her attention back to TK and rips up off the mat. ThunderKid begins fighting back with elbow strikes, but his effort is wasted as she locks him down in a cobra clutch. There’s no submission forthcoming as Krista may not know what a submission is, thus she merely falls forward and brutally bounces TK’s head off the canvas. She then grabs onto his leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! ThunderKid lifts his shoulder off the mat. The fans aren’t happy with the count and loudly voice their grievances. While her legions of onlookers complain, Krista continues her work and pulls TK up with her. But the Green Bay native roars back to shocking life and nails her with a pair of left crosses. The attacks do enough damage to allow him to tangle her inside a front facelock, and he flings her backwards with a snap suplex. Rolling to his feet he applies the tag with Mister Dick, which gets a large negative reaction from the Alberta fans. “I hope yer daddy is out there watchin.” Mister Dick chortles as he raises Krista off the mat. His fist crash into her skull, snapping her head back and forth and putting her under immense pain. Several more strikes crash against her head, and Mister Dick seeks to take advantage of her weakness with an irish whip. But as she returns her ten million dollar legs cause Mister Dick ten million problems with a dizzying hurricanrana! The wrestler of the year quickly rolls back to her feet, and makes the tag with Alfdogg! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE The first time Alfdogg and Krista have been in a ring together. Krista, partnering herself with some unusual allies in this war against Mister Dick. COACH Cause she’s fighting a losing battle! Everyone else she could stick with D*LUX, Jade, Alix and Molly, and be fine, but now, now Mister Dick has got her number and she’s turning to every maineventer on the show to help her out. Once in the ring Alf peppers Mister Dick with jabs, backing The Human Hard on into the corner. He doesn’t stay against the turnbuckle for very long, however, due to Alf attempting to Irish whip him across the ring. But the studly Texan reverses his hold and its Alf who goes crashing into the ring posts. Mister Dick tries to add to his misery by making his old leader bite his shiny metal dick, but Alf raises his boot to swat The Human Hard on away. Mister Dick staggers backwards, short of breath and seriously pained by Alf’s counter. This leaves him open to the lariat that Alf leaves him lying on the canvas with. Thinking Mister Dick KO’ed by his powerful strike, Alfdogg covers him for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick kicksout and gains some relieved applause from Lohan and TK in the process. Both competitors get to their feet at the exact same moment, but Mister Dick draws first blood with a cheap throat thrust. With Alfdogg struggling to stay upright and regain his lost breath, Mister Dick sneaks into his corner to apply the tag with ThunderKid. The fans don’t welcome TK back into the match, and Alf is particularly vexed to see him due to rising punches he slams into his chest. Alf falls over against the ropes, weakened by the incredible force of TK’s strikes. His time to catch a breather isn’t very long; ThunderKid grabs him by the waist and uses that grip to throw overhead with a back suplex. Alf hasn’t even a moment to lick his wounds before TK terrorizes his back with violent stomps. “ALF! ALF! ALF!” the audience chants, not noticing the signal TK just passed to Mister Dick. Unfortunately for Alf, Mister Dick reads the signal very clearly and follows its orders to go retrieve a steel chair from the time keeper’s corner. The fans are instantly alarmed, rightly worried for Alf’s safety when placed against a weapon wielding prick. However, their fears are eased somewhat when Krista makes a mad dash to spear her archrival to the ground! “YEAAAAAAAA!” “Get off him!” Lindsay shouts. “I’m sorry, I only speak French, Spanish, and English, I’m not fluent in out of work crack whore.” Krista retorts as her fists make mincemeat out of Mister Dick’s head. Despite being tackled by a wild woman, The Cocky Prick still managed to succeed in getting his weapon of choice into the ring. An appreciative ThundeKid scoops it up, his face brightening at the thought of being able to cast the ultimate revenge upon Alfdogg. However his dreams fail to be realized, all due to Hebner trying his hardest to pry the chair out from TK’s hands. The frail old man is little match for the hulking athlete in the prime of his life and fights a battle he just can’t win. Thankfully he gets a little help from Krista and her “friends”, the fitness queen cups her massive breasts while passing along a seducing stare at TK. “YEAAAAAAA!” Enamored with her flesh pillows, TK forgets all about the chair, about Alfdogg, and even his own name. This is perfect for Alf who stuns the lusting brawler with an awesome German Suplex! The fans give Alf another heartfelt cheer, and he responds to their respect with a throaty howl. Hey, his name is Alfdogg, he should howl at least once in his life. COLE Alf and Krista are rolling! And we will be back with more HeldDOWN~! COMMERCIAL On return from commercial break all 4 superstars reside outside the ring. Krista holds a chair high above her head, awaiting a victim to torment with it. Alf proceeds to sacrifice TK, throwing him into the path of a descending chair. As TK timbers downward, there’s a huge cheer from the sold out Saddledome. “You know what the old Krista, Alf would’ve seen your white skin, and your male genitilia as a sign that you’re a heartless oppressor and probably would’ve hit you two. But the new Krista is on a lot of Valium and she says go ahead and have some fun, hit Mister Dick with a chair.” Krista tosses the chair to Alfdogg, who lets it settle easily in his hands. He then moves swiftly to bash the weapon into a fallen Mister Dick’s back. The fans let out another strong ovation, one that gets even louder when Krista sends TK into Alf’s wild swing. The former champion is hit with such power that he flies onto guard rail, before slumping over backwards, ad giving the crowd a pleasing look at his glazed over face. COACH We ain’t disqualifying dudes no more? We just lettin’ them all crazy like. Only in the OAOAST, can you imagine in the MLB them lettin’ Cole Hamels lob pitches at Albert Puljos head until he concusses him and Hamels go on and getting a complete game. Continuing to skirt the rules of the OAOAST, Krista picks up the monumentally dazed TK and leads him around the ring where his face is ravaged by the hard steel of the ring steps. Seeing the blood trickle down TK’s face, Hbner finally decides to call for some order. Krista acquiesces to his request and lobs him back into the ring. Although severely hurt by all the shots his head has absorbed, the former tag champ gets to his feet, but only does that to beg off of Krista. “Awww cry for me, my name is ThunderKid, and I’m a wrestler cause I don’t know how to get a real job, or quit my job and take advantage of liberal unemployment laws and smoke crock so I can go on welfare. Waaaah!” Needless to say, TK’s cries for mercy don’t go over well with Krista, and Miss Money In The Bank pokes TK in the stomach with Louis Buoiton heel. Double over, TK is easily trapped inside a front facelock, a prelude to The Life In The fab Lane (twist of fate). But as Krista is so close to the ropes, an unwelcome shove from Miss Lohan is enough to break her grip and turn her murderous attention on the pop starlet. But thankfully for Lindsay, she’s spared much of Krista’s wrath due to TK overwhelming her with strikes. Keeping her further away from the enraging valet, TK whips Krista into the ropes. He lowers his head, expecting her to leap frog him. But TK just doesn’t know Krista, as she comes to a dead stop right in front of him. She turns to Alf and asks, “Honey, why would he do this? Why would he lower his head and leave himself open to a DDT, or me just poking his eyes out with heels that are as sharp as switchblades.” Mister Dick interjects, “Yer supposed to leapfrog him! Damn woman, I’ll ask you again, where the hell did you learn to wrestle?” “I was given a five day crash course at OAOVW, and was taught by members of the work for welfare program. I didn’t learn a whole lot about wrestling, but I did learn how to deconstruct a meth lab before the cops kick down your door.” With that anecdote out the way, Krista makes good on her promise to DDT TK! As the audience cheers her display of power, she lays across him for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! The fans are disappointed to see TK kick out, And Alfdogg slaps the turnbuckle out of frustration. TK and Krista rise upright at the same time, but Krista being the fresh one, strikes him with hard slaps to the face. But TK takes blows in stride and surprises her with an irish whip. As she bounces back, TK catches onto her slender fitness model frame and throws her backwards for a lethal fallaway slam. A pin is then made, and Lohan and Mister Dick bark orders at Hebner to count it… ONE! TWO! Krista pushes her way out the pinfall to frustrated groans from TK and Mister Dick. Kid picks Krista up, once again looking for the trusted irish whip. This time Krista counters with a shuffle of her feet, and brings TK’s head within her grasp. She then leaps upright and violently cranks his neck with the powerful Blonds Never Pay A Cover (side effect)! “YEAAAAAAAAH!” KRISTA Calling an end to the crowd pleasing booty shaking, Krista flips backwards and connects with a moonsault. Hebner and an eager Alfdogg count the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! TK’s shoulders lift off the canvas, disappointing an audience ready to celebrate Krista’s victory. Krista shrugs off the annoyances of TK’s kickout, and guides him upright where she leads him to the corner and tag Alf into the contest. The former Deadly Alliance leader makes his presence felt with powerful knife edge chops that back TK to the center of the ring. TK doubles over, and clutches his sore chest that beats a bright and violent red. Alf is able to ensare him inside a front facelock, preparing for his patented snap suplex. But his signature move never goes off according to plan, thanks to Mister Dick clubbing him in the back! COLE A cheap shot from Mister Dick, what a surprise. Is there a low the Deadly Alliance won’t sink to? COACH If you wanna call them low class you gotta blame Alfdogg, he was the leader for months and he set the tone of the group. This is the monster he created! Mister Dick grabs his crotch and offers a dismissive sneer to the booing audience. Their rage is almost quelled by Alfdogg sneaking behind him ready to pummel him. But TK returns MD’s recent favor by slugging Alf in the back of the head. Together he and Mister Dick brutalize the Indiana native with vicious punches, taunting him as they mercilessly pound on him. They then hook onto him with twin front facelocks and bring him down with a powerful double suplex. TK then exits the ring, leaving Mister Dick behind to torment his opponent with an illegal chokehold. “You never shoulda come out here, boy! You ain’t never shoulda been out here!” Mister Dick shouts at Alf, earning boos from the nearby front row fans. A threat of a DQ finally leads him to release his grip on Alf’s throat, and he brings the hacking and coughing former world champion off the canvas. He traps Alf’s arm inside his and then sits out and nearly snaps it in two with a single arm DDT. Alf howls in misery, but his cries are immediately muffled by TK reaching his foot into the ring and using it to viciously stomp on Alf’s neck. TK uses the generous 5 second count Hebner affords to dump heaps of miserey on Alf. Once the clock runs down, TK removes his foot and Alf hacks in a painful relief. Mister Dick takes hold of his stringy blond hair and brings him to his feet where a left jab stumbles him into the Deadly Alliance Corner. “ALF! ALF! ALF!” COLE Lots of support for Alfdogg in Calgary, and its going to be 100 times louder in Indianapolis at Anglemania where he’ll meet longtime friend and rival, Reject. If you remember Reject won the WDW world title off Alf at Angleslam in 2007. TK applies the tag with Mister Dick, and enters the ring and offers heartfelt congratulations on a job well done to his stablemate. He furthers Mister Dick’s violent handiwork, by cinching his arms around Alf’s thick waist and throwing him down with a side belly to belly suplex. ThunderKid then throws himself off the ropes, angling his elbow high to drop it on Alf’s head. But the telegraphed nature of the move costs him dearly as Alfdogg succeeds in rolling out the way. ThunderKid hits the canvas with a frustrating thud, and anger spreads across his face. He soothes his rage somewhat, by scrambling over to Alf and picking him up to blast him with a series of body blows. Dragging Alf from his doubled over position into a front facelock, ThunderKid calls for a brainbuster DDT. Krista and the Alberta fans plead with him to fight out his hold. Too their immense joy and delight, Alfdogg does that jus and throws TK over with a release Northern Lights suplex. Their joy is however tempered as Alf now lies exhausted on the canvas, unable to make the tag he desperately needs. COLE Alf has got to make the tag to Krista! COACH But, he’s dealing with two former tag team champions. But these dudes know how to cut the ring off and keep the weak man in. Alf is dead in the water! Both Mister Dick and Krista loudly and frantically call their partners to action, urging them on to their respective corner. Krista paces up and down the apron, her normally pretty face now filled with fear that Alfdogg may never reach her. The two warriors in the ring toss and turn as they try to regain the focus and strength needed to return to their feet. After much struggle they both head upright, and tense atmosphere is only magnified by this fact. TK arms go around Alf waist, and he begins to hoist him up for deadly German suplex. The fans hold their breath, thinking Alf is about to suffer a match ending move. But Alf gives a surprise to them and TK with a mule kick! Horrified screams spill out TK’s mouth as he reacts as though he’s just been shot. The good fortune continues to come for Alf as he’s able to surge forward and slap the outstretched hand of Krista Isadora Duncan! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Krista comes into the ring with a furious fire spurring her movement and carrying her into a charging Mister Dick with a running knee strike! Just as soon as MD sinks back to the canvas, TK rushes to his rescue. But his efforts to beat Krista away meet with utter failure as the starlet topples him with a leaping enziguri! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” the audience sings as their heroine makes her way to the top rope. “Get down from there!” Lindsay screams at her. “Well, honey, if you insist.” Krista shurgs her shoulders and then throws herself off the top turnbuckles with a pictueresque moonsault. The audience is overjoyed to watch Krista’s dazzling stunt and the fact Lindsay Lohan is bowled over by the attack is mere icing on the cake. Mister Dick is noticeably less pleased, and with a mouth spewing vulgarities exits the ring. His raw punching power easily shreds through Krista’s defense and within moments he’s offering her a miserable drubbing. The attacks stagger the fitness queen and she can barely stay upright as she stumbles towards the entrance ramp. Hebner leans through the middle ropes, and makes demands that fall on deaf ears to return to the ring. Snarling at both crowd and referee, Mister Dick sets Krista into a full nelson in set up for his Pure Penetration! BOOOOOOO! COLE This could be very bad for Krista! Could be, but won’t be., as her father, CONGRESSMAN JOEL DUNCAN comes to his eldest daughter’s aid with a steel chair to Mister Dick’s back. The Human Hard on screams out a guttural roar and releases Krista, before falling to the ground a defeated wreck. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Krista offers her father a loving kiss on the cheek in appreciation. She quickly goes from daughter mode, to killer mode, and slides into the ring to face down a growling TK. He launches a wild lariat at her head, attempting to remove it from her very body. But she ducks bellow his strike and puts herself on a run to the ropes. TK swings around to strike her on her rebound, but his plan is thrown in disarray when she leaps into his chest and caves it in with the KIDology (Codebreaker)! The fans are thrilled and Congressman Duncan pumps his fist for his daughter’s victory over ThunderKid. The audience’s good mood continues to flourish when Alfdogg comes off the top rope with his patented Five-Star Alf Splash! The fans rise to their feet, counting along what’s sure to be a match ending fall by Alf… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! COLE They nailed it! Raucous cheers spread across the Saddledome as Magnum Opus joins the soundtrack of celebration. BUFFER Your winners as a result of pinfall….KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND ALFDOGG! Krista and her father offer appreciative handshakes to Alf. On the outside, Mister Dick tries to gather up his stablemates, but can barely get past his aching back outraged temper. But don't tune out just yet! The cameras are busily tracking Leon Rodez, now changed out of his ring attire and into his casuals. Leon heads down the halls with his iPhone in hand, not particularly looking where he's going, but knowing where he's heading as he stops in front of a door. That door being the door to Tha Puerto Rican's locker room, as seen by the sign on the front. Leon goes to knock, but suddenly his phone bleeps at him, a more pressing issue. LEON Yeah yeah yeah, I hear ya. Muttering to himself Leon deals with the cause of the bleep, before opening up the door to the locker room without a knock. LEON Hey, PR? Something I wanted to ask you real qui... Leon walks in but suddenly comes to a screeching halt. It's not PRL that sees, rather it's Maggie Nerdly. Or more precisely, the back of Maggie Nerdly's head. Joined to someone else's. LEON PRL What the... PRL unlocks his lips from Maggie's and looks up in surprise. Maggie turns around, also in surprise, then horror. ..... LEON Motherfu-- FADE OUT.

The scene opens with the World Champion, ZACK MALIBU, standing in front of a black background with the OAOAST logo emblazoned across it. ZACK Ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST received word today that one of its own has sadly passed away. Today, we mourn the loss of the man you came to know as Sly Sommers. Zack starts to get choked up, but continues. ZACK Sly Sommers has been many things in his life. He has been my student, my ally, and at times, even my rival, but when the time came for him to be there, he was always there as a friend. While its known that Sly at times struggled with demons, he fought as hard as he could, in every aspect of his life, to give his all to his family, his friends, and his fans. Knowing Sly as closely as I did, I can tell you that he loved every minute of his time here, and performing in front of the world was what he woke up every day to do. So tonight, we pay our respects, and give thanks to the time we were able to spend with Sly Sommers. We'll miss you, old friend. Malibu, tears streaming down his face, walks off screen, as the OAOAST logo fades to black, and then to a picture commemorating the beloved superstar, Sly Sommers. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! TEN BELL SALUTE! DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

ZACK MALIBU IS BOLDLY GOING TO ANGLEMANIA I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared After my dreaming, I woke with this fear What am I leaving when I'm done here? Zack is lifted up on the shoulders of TC and AP, as blue and gold pyro shoots out from the turnbuckles. Cut to Anglesault going apeshit in the aisle, tearing at his hair, and cursing the day both Zack and AP were born. So if you're asking me, I want you to know Zack Malibu raises his hands up, grasping the prize...The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Zack, now crying, looks on as the fans that poured into Madison Square Garden tonight rise to their feet, giving him a standing ovation. Treble Charged officially raises his hand, and Big Poppa Popick slides in the ring, patting Zack on the back and then hugging him. When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest Zack keeps going, hitting and hitting and hitting, until the cane breaks in two! Zack throws the broken weapon aside, and picks up Evenflow, holding him in a facelock and reaching down, hooking his leg...POP DROP~! ON EVENFLOW~! Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through I've never been perfect, but neither have you Zack looks oblivious to this, as he picks Stephen Joseph up and stands him upright, then sends the belt crashing into his face again! So if you're asking me, I want you to know Zack Malibu falls to his knees, cradling the big gold belt in his arms, the audience in stunned silence after both Zack's actions as Jesse's query resounds and echoes across the arena. When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Zack pulls Some Guy up off the mat, and grabs him by the head, then hooks a leg, cradling it. He lifts Some Guy up, and then DRILLS his head into the mat! Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are Pyrotechnics, showering the entranceway with blue and gold sparks, shoot off from either side of the ramp. Fans in the crowd are seen singing along to the chorus of "Bring Me To Life", as Zack Malibu, the OAOAST World Champion, stands tall some 10-15 feet away from the ring. When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Shattered Dreams catches Zack's foot on the kick, and smirks down at the other OAOAST Stars....AND CATCHES AN ENZUGIRI TO THE HEAD~! ZACK MALIBU KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD WITH AN ENZUGIRI! Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are Hebner helps Zack up to his knees, and hands Zack the title. Zack looks down at the belt, the one he once wore so proudly. The one he won exactly one year ago. The won he has just recaptured. Zack looks into the belt, seeing his own reflection, and then clutches it close to his chest before powering up to his feet and throwing the belt up with two hands, showcasing it to the crowd to one hell of an ovation! I can't be who you are COMING UP NEXT CONGRESSIONAL BEATDOWN CONGRESSMAN JOEL DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK IN THE MAINEVENT!

"Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis begins to pump through the arena when we return, accompanied by the flashing of red, white and blue strobe lights around the entrance way. As the intro ends, Nathaniel Black punches his way through the curtain, permanent scowl on his face as he unbuckles his 6-Man Tag Team Championship and raises it above his head with a shout. Black then marches to the ring with the title slung over his shoulder. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is set for one fall and is to determine who will face OAOAST United States Champion Todd Cortez at AngleMania VIII! Introducing first, from London, England. Weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds... he represents Cucaracha Internacional and is one third of the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... NNAAATTHHHAAAAAANNIIIIEEEEEELLLLL... BBLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black marches up the ring steps and into the ring, climbing the turnbuckles to punch his fists into the air again. COLE Despite James Blonde's best wishes, this match is going to happen here tonight. Blonde, perhaps the only man who doesn't want to see this. As we heard Black is certainly fine with it, Landon seems fine with it, Todd Cortez seems fine with it... COACH Well of COURSE Todd Cortez seems fine with it! He's behind the whole thing! He's got Nat and James fighting each other here tonight and it's a disaster, this should not be happening! Black climbs off of the turnbuckles, cracking his neck from side to side. As he warms up, "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship kicks up. COACH Ohh... I thought James might have backed out. This is really happening, isn't it? After a bit of a delay James Blonde emerges slowly through the entrance way in his black hooded jacket, short sleeved on the left side and totally cut open down the seam on the right. Blonde walk is slow and lacking any purpose whatsoever. Pulling out his third of the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Title belts from the open half of his jacket, Blonde goes to raise it over his head... but just can't find the will to do so. Seeming to even be contemplating turning around and going to the back instead of to the ring, Blonde finally shakes his head sadly and begins his walk to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent. From Vancouver, British Colombia... weighing in at two hundred, eight pounds. Also representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is also one third of the reigning OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJJJAAAAAMMMMMEEEESSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE!!! At ringside Blonde stops, looking up into the ring with trepidation. He still seems to be trying to think of a way to leave. But there's no turning back once his jacket is removed, revealing new short tights, the left side red with two white zips for no real reason other than them being quirky, the right side black and white checker pattern with a black and white mapleleaf on the hip, matching kneepads, plus black elbowpads with smaller red ones over top. Normally I don't do clothing updates, but he's a Trendsetter. COLE James Blonde, backed into a corner tonight, because as you can tell he wants no part of Nathaniel Black. But what he does want a part of is AngleMania. And more specifically, taking the US Title from another Cucaracha Internacional member, Todd Cortez. COACH And you've got to sympathise, he doesn't want to fight his friend... COLE Woah woah... who said anything about sympathising? Blonde has been whining and crying to Landon for weeks like a little spoilt child, trying to convince him to sign off on a match with Cortez. And this is the first thing that's shut that damn mouth of his in all that time. No sympathy here! After what seems an eternity and after some coaxing from referee Charles Robinson to hurry it up, Blonde climbs the steps and carefully enters the ring. Black looks focused and ready to go like it were any other match but Blonde is clearly uncomfortable. COACH How can you take enjoyment out of this? Landon Maddix is a brilliant man, almost flawless, but this shouldn't be happening. COLE Hey, Blonde made his bed. COACH And that's just a rumour as well! Completely unsubstantiated! COLE Referee Robinson goes through the formalities of checking if both men are ready. At least they should be formalities, except Blonde tries to stall for time by not answering. Robinson then realises he doesn't actually care if Blonde is ready or not and calls for the bell anyway. *DINGDINGDING!* Black steps out of his corner ready to wrestle, Blonde anything but and ducking through the ropes to avoid locking up. COLE As well as the friendship, we're also looking at two thirds of current the World Six Man Tag Team Champions about to go at it. COACH Another reason this match shouldn't be taking place. Backing up and letting his friend get back into the ring, Black stands in the middle of the ring waiting. Carefully re-entering the ring Blonde circles around, eyes darting. Black motions for him to "quit pissin' around" and lock-up, but Blonde stays close to the ropes and eventually decides to leave the ring completely, slapping the apron in frustration. COACH Look at this, he just can't bring himself to fight his friend! He can't do it! COLE He'd better soon do it, or else that US Title shot he's so concerned with is out the window. Blonde paces around ringside with Black still waiting and getting impatient. Referee Charles Robinson tries to get the point across by leaning out of the ring and yelling as he starts to count Blonde out, as close as he can physically get without leaving the ring too. Eventually Blonde does listen and slides back into the ring... long enough to break the count before slithering back out. By this point Black has seen enough and he leaves the ring as well, behind The Trendsetter who is thinking aloud about how unfair this all is. Black soon makes things worse though, grabbing his buddy from behind and unceremoniously pitching him back into the ring! COLE It doesn't look like Nathaniel Black's got too many qualms about fighting his friend, does it? He wants to get on with this! On his knees Blonde calls for calm as Black gets back into the ring, asking JB if he's going to wrestle or not. Realising he's not in much of a position to negotiate on his knees Blonde asks for a hand up and gets it... ...AND THEN GETS A HARD LARIAT ACROSS THE CHEST!! COLE WHAM! NOW we're underway! Flopping around like a fish out of water Blonde tries to roll himself out of the ring again. By the ankle Black stops him and pulls him back in, to his feet and then delivers a European uppercut. Blonde falls against the ropes and suffers a second European uppercut. And then a third. Irish whip sends Blonde across the ring, Black ducking his head and burying it into the midsection. With Blonde doubled up he comes off the ropes with a running kneelift, causing Blonde to do a flip! COACH Aah! He turned him inside out like a cheap jacket! COLE And James Blonde is a man who knows a little something about cheap jackets. COACH He's a Trendsetter! Blonde tries again to defuse things, begging off as he gets back up. Grabbing him by the hair Black has none of it, pulling Blonde to his feet, only to knock him from them with a European uppercut! He covers... 1... 2... No! Kicking out, Blonde rolls into a corner and clings onto the bottom rope for dear life. COLE Dignity, not one of James Blonde's strong points. Black grasps Blonde's hair but can't prise him from the ropes and is forced to back away by the referee. He tries again, but again Blonde stays routed. As Black is backed away again, the Canadian climbs back to his feet in the corner. Black walks in and Blonde instinctively pops him with a right hand! Unfortunately he doesn't hit him hard enough to cause much except anger from his cohort. "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh no. Instantly regretting what he just did Blonde tries to apologise, but gets overwhelmed by the forearm smashes from his vengeful friend. Black turns on the Black Hammer, pounding Blonde repeatedly with the insides of his forearms until the referee's count reaches "4" and he has to retreat. Falling against the bottom turnbuckle Blonde looks dazed. COACH I hope Todd Cortez is happy. He's torn apart this beautiful friendship, just like he tore apart Landon and Megan's relationship years ago! COLE Revisionist history at it's best. Black drags Blonde from the corner by his hair and gives him a headbutt, sending him slumping to the mat. With a nudge onto his back Black goes for the cover on Blonde... 1... 2... No! COLE Well Blonde is still kicking out, so he can't be that desperate not to fight his friend. COACH The only thing stopping James from walking out on this match is a sense of justice, Michael. He knows he needs to win this match to get to Todd Cortez, get that US Title off of him and save Cucaracha Internacional. He's doing this for the greater good! COLE And if Hollywood is short on any ideas for superhero movies this Summer, you know who to call. Rolling to the ropes Blonde is still trying to beg even as he's pulled to his feet. A forearm shuts him up and keeps him hung over the ropes. Black sees the body vulnerable and buries a headbutt into the midsection. Slumped over in the ropes in a very undignifed position, Blonde looks over his shoulder as he hears the sound of boos, caused by the arrival of LANDON MADDIX, walking to the ring with Megan Skye! COACH Here comes the boss, he'll sort this mess out! Finally! COLE Sort the mess out? Coach, he's the one who signed off on the match. COACH Yeah but now he's seen what's happened maybe he's had a change of heart. Apparantly not as when he reaches the bottom of the ramp Landon just stops and takes a watching brief on the match. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Landon scowls a little, but keeps his focus on the match. And clearly that hasn't gone unnoticed in the ring, as when Black charges at Blonde looking to clothesline him up and over the top, The Trendsetter comes to life for the first time in the match and leapfrogs him, causing Black to spill out through the ropes! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Black manages to grab the middle rope on his way out and break his fall. Quickly he climbs back to the apron, but Blonde is on the move again. He springs to the middle rope and stuns everybody by dropkicking Black off of the apron and to the arena floor with a thud!! COLE Dropkick from Blonde, his offensive move of the match and suddenly the tide has turned! Jumping back to his feet, Blonde looks a completely different person as he shooes the referee out of his way. Black picks himself up on the outside, surprised by the change too. And he has no answer as Blonde sprints across the ring and SOARS THROUGH THE ROPES WITH A TOPÉ!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Blonde quickly rolls back into the ring, half a look to check that Landon is suitably impressed before bowing for the crowd. COLE And is it any coincidence that the moment he sees Landon watching him, James Blonde ups his game? He was too scared to throw a punch a minute ago, now he's risking his life to show what he can do! This battle of Cucaracha Internacional has taken a dramatic turn, who will go on to AngleMania, we'll find out when we come back! As Black starts to pick himself up, Landon and Megan discuss something a few feet away. *COMMERCIAL BREAK!* Back from the break and it's James Blonde still on the attack, which is perhaps surprising. Even more surprising are the apparant cheers as he puts the boots to Nathaniel Black, stopping to turn and and fluff his hair with a smirk on his face. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN where it's Cucaracha Internacional versus Cucaracha Internacional, James Blonde versus Nathaniel Black, fighting it out over who gets to face another Cucaracha Internacional member Todd Cortez at AngleMania for the US Title. And since the break... or rather, since Landon Maddix came to the ring... James Blonde has been in control. Blonde measures Black as he gets back up, no problems this time with delivering a shot to the jaw. Another right hand connects before he turns and hits the ropes. Anticipating the duck of the head, Blonde floats up and over on Black with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Blonde strikes first with a boot, before running Nathaniel face-first into the turnbuckle. Turning him against the buckles Blonde tries to whip Black corner to corner, but the Englishman reverses. Blonde uses it to his advantage though, going up and over to the apron with his momentum and catching Black running in with a forearm from the outside. Jumping to the top Blonde then flies in, slamming his knee into the side of Black's head with the Brand Labelling! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE And some of this crowd here in Calgary actually seem to be getting behind James Blonde. I guess being Canadian makes him the lesser of two evils in this match. COACH Or maybe they just appreciate his style and flamboyance here. COLE Yeah, maybe. Rolling Black onto his back, Blonde goes for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout. Blonde quickly grabs a rear chinlock to keep control, noticeably fixing one eye on his watching mentor even as he wrenches on the move. COLE Landon getting a good view of this match, two of his understudies going at it here. Apparantly he's all for this internal competition all of a sudden. Starting to fight to his feet Black turns around and Blonde loses control quickly. A couple of forearms to the stomach soften Blonde up, allowing Black to torque on the arm and throw him overhead with a fireman's carry throw. Quickly back to his feet, Blonde is then shot off the ropes and sent skywards with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE And internal competition is what we're seeing. Falling into a corner Blonde is lined up... but he sidesteps a clothesline from Black, the Englishman running himself into the corner. As Black staggers away into the centre of the ring, Blonde is waiting with a standing dropkick! He quickly hooks the leg... 1... 2... No! Delivering a kick to the gut, Blonde draws on some power to scoop and slam his 6-Man teammate. COACH Looks like Blonde's going up. COLE But first he's going to let Landon know about it. That's cute. Perching himself on the middle turnbuckle Blonde turns his attentions away from Landon and Megan, balling up his fist and extending it to the air. He measures Black from across the ring, looking for the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... NOBODY HOME! Black moves out of the way and Blonde ends up slamming his fist into the mat! COLE Not for the first time, Blonde took way too much time on that fistdrop. I don't remember that being part of the Marty Jannetty routine. Suffering great pain in his hand Blonde hunches over in the middle of the ring. He chooses a bad time to try and take a break though. Back to his feet, Black hauls The Trendsetter towards him and delivers the Half Nelson Backbreaker!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, what a backbreaker, that could do it right here! 1... 2... NO! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" COLE Only two. To the unusual approval of the crowd. Of course James Blonde was once a very popular member of the OAOAST roster. COACH That ain't how I remember it. Landon continues to watch on with great interest beside Megan as his two charges fight to get to their feet. First up, Black grabs Blonde and delivers a forearm. Another. And then a European uppercut. Blonde stays routed to the spot, weakened, as Black comes off the ropes with a hard-hitting Lariat! He goes for the cover moments later... 1... 2... Kickout! Dragging Blonde back up again, Black takes a step behind and executes a back suplex. Landing hard Blonde's leg hangs up in the air, used by the Englishman to roll him through and onto his feet. Off the ropes Black then follows up with another Laria... NO! Blonde ducks! He breathes a sigh of relief, but too soon, but Black has stopped and is lying in wait to 360 and land with the BLACK LARIAT!! COLE NAILED him! Black covers... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE But Blonde kicks out! On the outside, Landon nods his head, apparantly impressed. COACH Got to give him credit for that Michael. COLE I guess I do. Not so impressed is Black, taking issue with the referee. He drags Blonde off the mat still mouthing off at the ref, nailing the Canadian with a forearm. Blonde goes staggering back into a corner and Black jogs to the opposite. He charges in looking for a high knee... NO! Blonde gets out of the way and Black goes knee-first into the top turnbuckle. Hobbled, he walks into Blonde who snares him around the neck and pulls him down across a knee with a modified backbreaker. COLE Blonde with the backbreaker this time! I've got to say, Blonde is holding his own in this match much more than I would have thought early on. Blonde makes the cover... 1... 2... NO! Pulling himself up Blonde takes a walk around the ring, trying to collect himself. As Black gets to his feet, Blonde charges in and clotheslines him back into the corner behind. Ending up right with him Blonde then hooks the head and looks for the bulldo... NO! Black shoves Blonde off. Going with it Blonde runs to the opposite corner of the ring and springs off the middle rope with a crossbody... but Black dips his head and Blonde comes up empty handed! COLE Nobody home there however. And now Black measuring his friend up. COACH Come on James, think of what this means! Think! Blonde picks himself up, winded. And Black leaves the corner with a running European uppercut, BLASTING Blonde off of his feet! COACH Ah crud. Hooking the leg, Black cradles Blonde up... 1... 2... NO!! Black looks shocked. Even Landon looks a little surprised, turning to Megan with raised eyebrows. COACH How can you question this man's heart now? This man's heart BLEEDS Cucaracha! COLE No comment, too easy. Dragging Blonde up off of the canvas Black looks annoyed at his partner's perserverance. He spins Blonde around and grabs him in a half nelson. But Blonde manages to counter the Half Nelson Backbreaker this time, swinging out of it in mid-move. Landing on his feet, Blonde delivers a quick boot to the gut and laces his leg over Black's neck, setting up for the Guilt Trip. COACH Here it is! Blonde points to Landon as he brings down the leg... but Black twists out of the impact, ending up behind Blonde and applying the Crossface Chickenwing!! COACH Oh no! COLE Counter by Black, he's got Blonde trapped in the Chickenwing! As Landon looks on Black clamps in with the chickenwing and wrenches on the shoulder of The Trendsetter. Realising he's in trouble Blonde flails around wildly in the hopes of getting out of the move, but to no avail. Black pulls Blonde away from the ropes back into the centre of the ring. Blonde continues to struggle though, pulling Black around the ring... before eventually diving forward, a resourceful counter that sends Black face-first into the turnbuckles!! "OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" As Black staggers away from the corner, Blonde quickly trips Black up and stacks him on his shoulders... 1... COLE HEY WAIT... BLONDE'S GOT HIS FEET ON THE ROPES!! 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE I don't believe it! James Blonde just STOLE one from under his teammate's nose! Rolling quickly out of the ring Blonde flicks the hair from his eyes to reveal a look of surprise and then ecstacy as he realises he got away with it! Falling to his knees he starts punching his fists in a wild celebration, as Black sits up groggy in the ring. Watching this, Landon can't help but look impressed as he and Megan leave. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE TRENDSETTER" JJJAAAAMMMEEEEESSSSS BBLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEEEEE!!! COLE And look at Blonde, he's celebrating as if he just won the US Title itself! COACH Can you blame him? He's one step from doing just that and saving Cucaracha Internacional now! Once Blonde looks up at Black his celebrations stop. He looks to where Landon was and seeing him on his way to the back, Blonde jogs towards him urging his mentor to "wait up". Black still seems a little groggy as he gets back to his feet, unsure of what just happened. COLE So I guess this means that James Blonde has got what he wanted, a match with Todd Cortez at AngleMania VIII. But I can't believe what he just did to get it!

COLE That, ladies and gentlemen, occurred earlier this evening. Here with more on that our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan. To our backstage interview position we go where Ned Blanchard paces back-and-forth as Simon and Molly stand alongside Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN At a time where people the world over are hurting, perhaps no two are suffering more than my guests Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. After all, it was just one week ago they lost the right… NED MOLLY Uh-oh. Simon you might wish to start, I don't believe the censor button could keep with the torrent of profanity Ned might unleash. SIMON Unless they’ve been living with Osama in some cave, everybody knows what happened last week. Ned and I got dealt a 1-2 punch that left us down but not out. We knew the risks of agreeing to face Spencer Reiger and a BUTT buddy of his choice with our #1 contenders spot at stake. What we didn’t know about was the diabolical plot behind it all. Oh yeah, you got us real good Teddy. Now it’s out turn to strike back like the Orange County Cobras that we are. MOLLY Ned, I'm going to ask you a question, and I went you to answer in total honesty if you could, can you speak without getting us booted off of air and network. NED Damn the network! Those assholes aren't anything but god damn sock puppets for Moneybitch! To hell with what they think about me! I don't give a crap about this network, I'd burn the whole damn headquarters down and piss on the ashes. Lets see Moneymaker write that off on his taxes. MOLLY I suppose that's a no. NED If you got the cajones, Teddy, then here next week you and CW will meet us in a special challenge match. Come dressed as you are, we don’t give a damn. We just want to sink our fangs into your sorry asses! Molly, Simon and Ned exit as we go… Josh Matthews standing inside Congressman Joel Duncan's dressing room where Krista's father is attired in yellow long sleeved top and grey track pants with green stripes down the side. Krista obviously gets her fashion sense from her mother. JOSH Hi, everyone, this is J.Math here with esteemed United States Congressman Joel Duncan. Congressman, CONGRESSMAN DUNCAN Just call me Joel, friend. JOSH Joel... CONGRESSMAN DUNCAN On second thought, you best stick with Mister Duncan. JOSH Mister Duncan in tonight's mainevent you face off a man who has been at war with your eldest daughter, Krista, since September. This man has thrown his best friend through a window, schemed against your grand daughter, sexually defiled several people, wrote songs about his sexual defiliment, and still you've shown up here tonight to fight him. Why? CONGRESSMAN DUNCAN Because I'm the kind of father that cares about his daughter. Krista once hurt herself on a skiing trip, broke her arm because she was riding a slope she had no business riding. I told her if I had been there she'd be just fine because she never would've been allowed to be on that slope. She told me that I can't protect her forever. That's every father's greatest fear, that they can't protect their daughters forever. I'm sixty five years old, and Mister Jock Mulligan is twenty five years old in fantastic shape. All signs point to me being seriously injured. Common sense said I should've stayed home. But common sense hasn't shown me any other way to protect my daughter. I believe you know the way out, Mister Josh Matthews. Backstage we find Nathaniel Black, going through some pre-match warmups in a quiet part of the arena. However his rituals are interrupted by a rather tense looking James Blonde walking into shot. BLACK Wot is it? BLONDE Nat, listen, I think we need to talk about this match. This isn't right and you know it, we shouldn't be fighting each other! When we came back over from Japan we had an agreement, you me and Faqu. A common bond. A common goal. Not to let ourselves be overlooked in the OAOAST anymore. The three of us, together. And we said we'd let nothing, absolutely nothing get in our way of achieving what we wanted to achieve. Don't you see what this all means, what this could do? BLACK Listen, you know me better than anyone else in this place. Blonde smiles and relaxes a little. BLONDE Exactly! That's why I thought we could come to some sort of understanding about tonight. BLACK Yeh, I reckon so. Like I say, you know me better than anyone. (takes a step closer to Blonde) So, understand this, mate. I'm gonna be doin' my damndest to get to AngleMania. Even if it means I 'ave to go through you. "Let nothin' get in our way", right? Gloves are off James, an' let the best man win. Understand? Black pats Blonde on the chest and walks off, James too shocked to say argue his point any further. COLE Oh my! Cucaracha Internacional collide, next! COMMERCIAL

SPRING BREAK 2009 MALIBU, CALIFORNIA "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina & The Waves serves as the soundtrack to the latest adventure featuring the Christ Air Express and Alix Maria Spezia. The trio enjoying spring break at the beach on a beautiful Malibu day, where MARV and MEL take part in a game of beach hockey while Alix plays Marco Polo with Los Diablos de Fuego and THE GHOST OF CALVIN COOLIDGE! ALIX Marco! LOS DIABLOS/GHOST OF CALIVIN COOLIDGE Polo! Alix reaches out and narrowly misses Los Diablos on their surfboard. Moracca able to paddle away fast enough from his stomach as Mariachi rides on top with the eccentrically dressed GHOST OF J. EDGAR HOOVER piggybacking him. On the beach MARV steals the ball and passes to MEL who avoids defenders in spectacular fashion before firing. MARV He shoots… From three fast cut angles we see the ball laser by the goaltender and into the net. MEL …he scores! The horn sounds and MEL is mugged by his teammates. Off in the distance a FIN approaches Alix in the water. Cue: “The Theme from Jaws” As a loud HUM nears Alix smiles. ALIX Krista, is that you and Jessica? Suddenly Alix is lifted out of the water on top of an oval…SPACE SHIP?!? ALIX Help! Tentacle rape! Los Diablos and the Ghost of J. Edger flap their hands in terror, leaving MARV and MEL to rescue Alix and bring the ship to shore. Mission accomplished, they receive a round of applause from the Ghost of Calvin Coolidge and onlookers. ALIX Oh, Popeye! You saved me! The CAE receive a hug and kiss from Alix, then shield their crotches to hide the ensuing boners. BEACHGOGER #1 Hey fellas, whaddya suppose that thing is? MEL I don’t know, but instead of waiting for the authorities I say we find out right now, eh. Help me out, little bro. The CAE open the retrieved space ship. Smoke billows out and everyone is taken aback when a familiar face shows. MARV What in the name of Wayne Gretzky? N00b the dog of the CAE! MEL N00b! MEL unbuckles N00b from his seat which leads to a cameo by TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS, Citizen Soldiers. CASH Because even in a space ship it's always important to buckle up. BEACHGOERS Gee, now we know. CASH And knowing is half the battle. MARV N00b, bro, speak to me? Man, are you with us? MEL If mom finds out we let something happen to N00b we are out on our asses in the snow, frost bitten and lookin like straight bitches! No PS3, no flat screens, no Hot Pockets, only a cardboard box by the overpass and maybe sloppy seconds from the slumlord’s crackwhore. N00b speak to us! BARON Mind if I help the little feller? FEMALE BEACHGOERS While the girls fawn over BW, the Lonestar Gunslinger devotes his attention to giving N00b CPR. Within moments the doggy comes back to life and yips happily. ALIX MARV Niiiiiiiiiice, Baron, niiiiiiiiiiiice! You have saddled my horse, cowboy. MEL Kinda gay, man. Kinda gay. MARV What’s gay about showing your respects to a true bro? MEL What’s gay is when you call him cowboy. Wanna tenderly grope me behind the barn after Farmer Joe goes to bed, cowboy? MARV Dude, I stand by my homoerotic show of respect. BW pumps his fists and it’s back to business, like Citizen Soldiers weren’t even here. MARV Where you’ve been, little buddy? We thought you were lost in space. MEL Yeah, man, never run away from home like that again. You had us all worried. Melody even wrote you a one-million word obituary on her MySpace Page. One million! MARV It would’ve been so much easier to use Twitter, but that’s how much you’ve touched people your short time on planet earth. ALIX You know what this calls for, right? MARV, MEL, ALIX & BEACHGOERS Party! “Fight for Your Right (to Party)” by the Beastie Boys hits and everybody gets down with their bad selves, including the Ghost of Calvin Coolidge who along with Alix do the Charleston. As the sun sets the ominous theme of John Williams’ “Imperial March” is lightly heard in the background. The volume rises as we zoom in on the space ship’s remains and are shocked to see another canine passenger emerge in doggy cuffs. His tag reads: VOODO FADE TO BLACK…

OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought To You By Maggie Nerdly for Canon ELPH! BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, accompanied by VINNY VALENTINE! From Juneau, Alaska... he weighs two hundred, sixty eight pounds... KKEEEEENN PPAAAAAAAAANNTTEEEEERRRRRAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Pantera stares ahead at the crowd with Vinny massaging his traps getting him limbered up. COLE Alright, Ken Pantera set for singles action here on HeldDOWN. And he's in for quite the test too. The crowd rise to their feet the moment "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company powers up. For this is the first time in three weeks that it heralds the arrival of Leon Rodez. Bringing his robe sweeping through the entrance way Leon heads out to the ring to a very welcoming reception. He just about manages a smile. Just about. BUFFER And introducing his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan! Weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, he is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Climbing up the ring steps Leon climbs into the ring, making no motions to the crowd as you'd expect, his focus set clearly on the match. COLE The return of Leon Rodez, his first appearance since his defeat at the Celtic Spectacular losing the OAOAST World Champion. And he will be looking to get right back onto his feet and back into the title hunt I'm sure, starting here tonight in Calgary. COACH Or it could be a huge win for Ken Pantera if Leon isn't in the right frame of mind still. COLE I don't know about that 'still' Coach. How do you know he's not been in the right frame of mind at all, we haven't seen him for three weeks. COACH Exactly! He loses the World Title and goes straight into hiding, you can't tell me that's not suspicious. Vinny chirps away in Pantera's ear, trying to psyche his man up. Removing his robe Leon goes through some warm-ups in his corner, looking all business. Referee Mike Chioda orders Vinny out of the ring and with both men ready, calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Wiping a hand across his face Leon steps out of the corner, sizing his opponent up. They meet with a collar and elbow tie-up which Leon fights for a few seconds, before Pantera's power advantage sends him sprawling onto his back! Vinny leads the applause as Leon carefully rolls up to one knee, looking up at Pantera. COACH And down goes the former World Champion! Face it Michael, he's just not got it anymore! COLE One lock-up and you're already writing him off? Are you just trying to get a reaction by saying anything? COACH Should I keep my "Abort All Gay Babies" placard under the desk? Leon gets back to his feet and tries locking up with Pantera again. Clearly he knows what he's doing, grabbing Pantera in a side headlock. But seconds later Pantera lifts the former World Champ off his feet and simply tosses him aside! Landing up on his BUTT again Leon makes the rare move of rolling out of the ring to collect his thoughts. COACH Whaddya make of that then Cole? Hands on hips, Rodez paces around, using up until the count of four before he slides back in. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COLE Well, this crowd are certainly behind Leon, Coach. The former World Champion trying to find an opening against this powerhouse of an opponent. Circling around Leon can't find that opening and ends up engaging in another collar and elbow tie-up. Going back to the side headlock, he has no more success than last time. Except in his landing. Pantera throws Leon off but he lands on his feet and comes right back at Pantera with a surprise forearm strike. And another. And another. As Pantera wobbles Leon hits the ropes and charges back with a running forearm, staggering the Canadian. Bouyed by this Leon comes off the ropes with a second forearm. Pantera falls back against the ropes, the only thing keeping him from falling as Leon goes on the run again. But this time Pantera charges forward as well, a well placed shoulder tackle knocking Leon clean off of his feet! COLE Wow! Pantera with a vulgar display of power! With Leon down licking his wounds, Pantera drops down and covers... 1... 2... No! Pantera follows Leon into a corner, catching him with a kneelift as he reaches his feet. Pantera keeps driving with his knee up until the referee's count of four. Grabbing Leon by the arm and head Pantera then takes a step and biels him halfway across the ring!! COLE And again the power from Pantera! I think the crowd are a little shell-shocked at what they're seeing here, the former World Heavyweight Champion is in trouble. Slowly picking himself up Leon is instantly grabbed by the singlet from behind and clubbed in the back, then thrown back into the corner he came from. Crouched down, set like a bull, Pantera charges at Rodez in the corner. Leon kicks his feet up at the last second though and catches Pantera in the face with a boot. Back he staggers, allowing Leon to hop to the middle rope. The crowd's cheers are strangled in the middle as he goes for a double axehandle, as Pantera catches him on the way down, applying a Bearhug. COLE Submission applied. COACH That was a heck of a catch too. Pantera could have been a great baseball player, if any country other than the US or Japan gave a flying fuck about it. Leon manages to force himself face to face with Pantera pretty quickly, allowing him to ring the Canadian's bell with the dreaded EAR-CLAP. It takes two to break the bearhug, at which point Leon grabs the arm for an irish whip. Pantera sets on the spot refusing to go anywhere. And he instead pulls The Grand Rapids Golden Child forward, clubbing him down with a thick short-arm clothesline! So excited is Vinny that he breaks into a strut, seeing his muscle man going for the cover... 1... 2... No! As Leon sits up, Pantera grabs a hold of his neck and clamps on a nerve hold. COACH As if being emotionally numb wasn't bad enough, now Leon's going physically numb too! COLE A simple nerve hold, but Pantera is of course a former powerlifter, so he's not only got tremendous power in his arms but tremendous grip. And that tremendous grip is clamping down on Leon's trapezius area right now. With his right leg beginning to shake Leon cringes, feeling his neck tightening up. Vinny proclaims that it's "all over, rover!" to anyone that'll listen. But Leon isn't done just yet. The leg shaking seems to be voluntary as Leon tries to get himself going and suddenly turns over onto one knee. Pantera keeps the hold clamped but Leon fights to his feet, spurred on by the Calgary crowd to deliver an elbow to the ribs. A second. And a third. He breaks the hold, but Pantera quickly recovers by clubbing Leon in the neck with a forearm. COLE Pantera is impressing me tonight. COACH And Leon is impressing nobody. How the mighty have fallen. Pantera brings Leon up and scoops him over his shoulder with ease. The Canadian backs towards a corner, his countrymen in the crowd mostly against him. With a run-up Pantera then looks to plant Leon with a Running Powersla... NO! Leon slips down the back, using Pantera's momentum against him and sending him shoulder first into the turnbuckles! COLE There's a break for Leon! Coming out of the corner, Pantera manages to catch a boot, but not an Enziguri! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Down goes Pantera and now, can Leon begin to mount some prolonged offence? Both men remain down with Pantera holding the back of his head and Leon his neck. Referee Chioda reaches a count of "5" before they get back to their feet. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And it's Leon who strikes first with a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Leon strikes Pantera with a second chop, but his massive pecs absorb most of the damage and he swings a big right hand. Ducking underneath Leon runs the ropes and delivers a Flying Forearm to knock Pantera down! COLE I think you may have written the former World Champion off too soon Coach. COACH Bet I'm not the only one with his performance so far. Back up Leon suddenly shows some fire and that brings the Calgary crowd to their feet. Pantera gets back up to be met with a dropkick, forcing him back against the turnbuckles. After a running back elbow against the buckles Leon whips him to the opposite corner and follows in with DOUBLE KNEES~! to the chest. Another whip then guides Pantera off into the ropes, caught on the way back with a Standing Dropkick! Leon goes for the cover... 1... 2... No! Pantera performs a powerful kickout and Leon is sent rolling away. No worry, as he winds up near the ropes and heads up towards the top. COLE The pace has quickened and Pantera is struggling to keep up, Leon knows this is what he needs to be doing to keep this bull of a man off guard. COACH Then why didn't he do it sooner? Something on his mind maybe? As Leon starts to climb the turnbuckles, Vinny panics and runs around the ring to try and distract him. Referee Chioda quickly motions him away, but the couple of seconds of distraction pay off, as when Leon leaves the ropes with a crossbody he gets CAUGHT by Pantera! COLE Another catch! That's a two hundred twenty pound man being plucked out of the air! Even the fans gasp at the impressive show of strength. With Vinny encouraging him to "drop the boom, baby" Pantera carries Leon in his arms to the middle of the ring and muscles him up again. First onto his shoulders, then over his head with a gorilla press. Before the former powerlifter can slam his opponent though, Leon finds a way out, landing on his feet behind Pantera. When Pantera turns around, Leon whips round with a rolling sole BUTT kick to the gut. Hooking the head, The Grand Rapids Golden Child runs him to the corner, scaling the turnbuckles to deliver the Sliced Bread #2! COLE Feedback THIS! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Sitting up, Leon looks at the referee with just a hint of frustration on his face. COLE But Pantera kicks out! COACH Somehow, I don't think this is the comeback Leon wanted. Maybe he would have been better with a Conquistador, somebody who wouldn't fight back so much. Leon leads Pantera back to his feet and delivers forearms to back him up into a corner. The forearms keep on flying until the ref's count of three, at which point Leon springs up and delivers a dropkick against the turnbuckles. COLE Leon setting Pantera up in the corner again, could be the Superman Spear coming. Backing across the ring Leon charges, leaving his feet... and hitting that very move! As Pantera stumbles out of the corner he's caught in an inside cradle... 1... 2... NO! Leon gets to his feet, waiting on Pantera. VINNY C'mon Kenny, pull the lead out man! Once Pantera gets back to his feet, Leon fires a boot to the gut. Back to the forearms Leon struggles to chop the stocky Canadian down... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...but does manage to chop him in the chest. Pantera shrugs all of that off though, suddenly ducking low and catching Leon with a double leg pick-up before DRIVING him back into a corner! COACH Look at him Michael. You can just see the confidence draining from him, he can't finish Pantera off. If you didn't think losing the World Title had affected him, put doubts in his mind before, what about now? Peeling himself off the turnbuckles walks into a knee from Pantera, doubling him up. Pantera whips Leon to the ropes and ducks his head, looking for a scoop on the rebound. Up and over goes Leon, landing behind Pantera and coming off the ropes again. The Canadian swings his heavy right arm out looking for a clothesline but Leon counters with a crucifi... ...NO! Leon gets the crucifix, but can't bring Pantera down to the mat. Instead Pantera heaves Leon up onto his shoulders into a fireman's carry, before effortlessly dumping him forward onto his stomach! COLE Amazing power! Could Ken Pantera be on the verge of shocking the world here? Pantera backs off the ropes, looking to lower the boom with Leon down. However The Grand Rapids Golden Child suddenly rolls towards him and closes the distance as he runs back. He manages to trip Pantera's legs, keeping hold of one to guide him down throat-first across the middle rope! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Maybe not! Rolling to his feet Leon doesn't waste time with the jig, making straight for the ropes and driving his bodyweight into the spine of Pantera against the ropes. As Pantera climbs back to his feet and turns around, Leon is waiting... *SMACK!* ...with a Superkick! Pantera falls backwards, the ropes bouncing him back out towards Leon, who quickly hooks his opponent around the waist and uses the momentum to deliver a Northern Lights Suplex! 1... Leon reaches out and hooks a leg as well. 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd let out a cheer, with Vinny despairing on the outside. COLE Leon Rodez overcomes a stern test here tonight on HeldDOWN~! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEEEOOOOOOONN... RRRROOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Despite the victory, Leon hardly looks ecstatic but does look a little happier than he had. The referee raises his hand in victory, a look of almost relief on his face as Pantera is escorted away by Vinny V. COLE And much the happier, I'm sure, for having gotten that victory under his belt. COACH What belt? COLE Very funny. Well, hopefully we're going to get a few words with Leon in the not too distant future but for now, a victory as he looks to work his way back towards the World Heavyweight Title. With Pantera gone Leon climbs the turnbuckles and raises a finger overhead. He steps down and with a last nod of acknowledgement to the crowd he leaves the ri... "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE WAIT A MINUTE! Leon suddenly freezes midway through the ropes, glancing up to see THA PUERTO RICAN heading to the ring!! The Calgary crowd roar their approval for PRL as Leon slips back inside the ring with hands on hips. Big smile on his face, PRL jogs to the top of the ring steps and stops for a moment to give a smirk to the fans, before entering the ring and asking for a microphone. COLE What business could Tha Puerto Rican have out here, this is most interesti... Coach? COACH (from under desk) Nudge me when he's gone. COLE What the... I'll do more than nudge you you moron. Collecting a microphone Tha Puerto Rican quickly calls for the budding chants to die down. Leon looks confused as PRL holds up a hand calling for him to "gimme a second". THA PUERTO RICAN At long last...after all of this time...THE CHAMP IS HERE IN CALGARY! (CHEAP POP!) THA PUERTO RICAN And at long last, Tha Puerto Rican can reveal his grand AngleMania plan! Now, you might be wondering just why in the blue hell would I be out here right now, after Leon Rodez fought a match. Well, the thing is, my grand AngleMania plan involves you, Leon. The crowd, and Leon, are surprised at hearing this. THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, Tha Puerto Rican and yourself have been in some memorable battles. We have tore the house down time and time again. Leon, we are not friends. Hell, we will probably never be friends! But Tha Puerto Rican respects you. And Tha Puerto Rican KNOWS that you respect him. Leon, you have beaten me. I have beaten you. You have even taken TWO, count 'em, TWO titles away from Tha Puerto Rican! Our track record speaks for itself. When we fight, we put on one hell of a show! Leon just stands there, curious as to what PRL has in mind. THA PUERTO RICAN So, it is with all that said, that I can get to the point. I look at the AngleMania VIII card, and I see that Tha Puerto Rican is nowhere to be found. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" THA PUERTO RICAN I look at the AngleMania VIII card, and I see that Leon Rodez is nowhere to be found. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Leon could have done without hearing that, but admits it's true. THA PUERTO RICAN I already took care of that needle dick and his man-woman last month, so it's up to Krista Isadora Duncan to finish him off. And your two In Crowd buddies have got the AngleMania VIII main event together, so that's out too. No offence. We could both try to budge into that and make that match a Fatal Four Way, but I doubt that would work. SOOOOOO, it looks like this will be the first AngleMania without Tha Puerto Rican OR Leon Rodez in a damn long time. And it's because of this, that...well...I'm really not that excited about AngleMania VIII. Because honestly, if you do an AngleMania WITHOUT Tha Puerto Rican, then that AngleMania will ABSOLUTELY SUCK! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH (from under desk) There go the buyrates. *THUD* COACH OW! THA PUERTO RICAN Without AngleMania on tap, we're both free on April the 5th. So, what can we do on that date? Well, we could just sit at home, watch AngleMania VIII on TV. Me in my mansion in San Juan on my 20 inch Plasma TV. You in Detroit in...well, whatever TV you've got. Maybe the OAOAST will throw us a bone and we'll fly down to Indianapolis and participate in AngleMania Fan Fest. Sign autographs, take pictures, answer the questions of the MILLIONS... "...AND MILLIONS!..." THA PUERTO RICAN ...of PRL fans! OR...we could make lemonade out of lemons. We could turn a negative into a positive. We could go to Indianapolis on Sunday April the 5th and we could STEAL THE SHOW! We could make history at AngleMania VIII! We could have the match of a lifetime! I have competed at the last SIX AngleManias, and my streak is NOT about to end now! I am MR. ANGLEMANIA! I HAVE to be at the show! I have several great AngleMania Moments under my belt, and I want another one! I'm greedy. Deal with it. When people talk about AngleMania VIII years from now, they won't talk about the main event! They won't talk about Krista Isadora Duncan vs. Mr. Dick! They won't talk about Alfdogg's homecoming! No, they will talk about the night that Tha Puerto Rican and Leon Rodez went out there and had the greatest match of all-time in front of 80,000 fans at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana! Leon Rodez, I am challenging you to a one-on-one match at AngleMania VIII! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Whoa! Leon Rodez vs. Tha Puerto Rican again!? How great would that be? The crowd is cheering, but Leon doesn't seem too thrilled about PRL's challenge. THA PUERTO RICAN I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'We just had a match 5 months ago! Why are we fighting again?' 'What's the catch?' 'What's at stake here?' 'Why do you want to do this?' There's no catch! There's no strings attached! And the only thing that is at stake here is bragging rights! And the reason I want to do this is simple: we've fought in the past, oh yes. But never at a time like this. There has always been some sort of dark cloud hovering over us. I've thought you were a joke. You've thought I was a joke. I've cheated. You've needed some help to beat me. The time limit had expired. We were in a Ladder Match. Every previous match we've had has always had something we could point to and say, "Yeah. But..." This time, there will be NO BUTS! This time will be different. I don't think you're a joke. You don't think I'm a joke. This time, we will be on a level playing field. Once and for all, we will find out just who is the better man! Who is the superior professional wrestler! With our new mindsets, we will each give it our all knowing that our opponent will do the same. I know you can bring it. And you DAMN WELL KNOW that I can MOST DEFINITELY BRING IT! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN We've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. This is the rubber match. The big one. This is just you and me, one-on-one. Titles are not at stake here. But pride is. Let's do this. Let's compete, a little friendly competition. Let's fight one-on-one at the biggest show of the year in front of 80,000 fans at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana! That's it. That's all that I want. I want to steal the show. I want to put the spotlight on me--I mean us! I want to light it up in Indianapolis! I want to have the greatest professional wrestling match the world has ever seen and I want to do it against you! The Silky Smooth One! The New Age Love Machine! The Grand Rapids Golden Child! I want to fight you! The crowd cheers again. Leon seems to be warming up to the idea. COLE Tha Puerto Rican going up against Leon Rodez again sounds good to me! THA PUERTO RICAN So... "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" Tha Puerto Rican smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN So, what is your answer? Are you with me? Do you want to go ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE GREAT ONE? Again? Do you want to be the show stealer? I'm Mr. AngleMania, and I want to have another AngleMania Moment! Will you accept my challenge? Do you want this match? In the words of Meatloaf, 'What's it gonna be boy?/Yes or no?' Tha Puerto Rican hands the microphone over to Leon. Leon thinks this over. The crowd cheers, urging him to accept the challenge. COLE Two of the most popular OAOAST Superstars going head-to-head for bragging rights at the biggest show of the year. I like the sound of that! A 'Friendly Competition Match'! Leon looks to the crowd. They root for him to say yes. Leon looks at PRL. PRL has a smile on his face. Leon stares down at the mat, thinking it over. Finally, he puts the microphone to his lips. LEON Did you really just call yourself "Mr. AngleMania" a minute ago? PRL shrugs his shoulders like "yeah, what of it" and Leon shakes his head with a wry smile. LEON Wow. I mean, just wow! I--I'm speechless! I am shocked. SHOCKED! I am shocked at what you are proposing! I mean, a professional wrestler wanting to have a match at the biggest professional wrestling pay-per-view of the year against another professional wrestler just to wrestle!? That's MADNESS! MADNESS I SAY! You are crazy, P.R.! CRAZY! Tha Puerto Rican chuckles. LEON There's nothing more to it? You just want a match because you like to wrestle and want to wrestle at AngleMania again? I didn't steal your belt. I didn't injure you. I didn't betray you. I didn't secretly marry your fiancée behind your back. I didn't sleep with your sister and then make a porno about it. I didn't come into your house and threaten your wife and kids. I didn't punt your father in the head. I didn't give your mother a Tombstone Piledriver onto the entrance stage. I didn't insult your family. I didn't insult your country. I didn't insult your race. I didn't spill coffee on you. I didn't get a shampoo commercial over you. I didn't want legal custody of my biological son who you adopted years ago. I didn't want you to kiss my feet. I didn't want you to kiss my ass. I didn't mock your dead father, lock his casket to my car and try to drive away with it at the funeral, and then have your mother reveal that you're a bastard. THA PUERTO RICAN My dad's still alive, dude. LEON I didn't steal your Chihuahua and then kill it, cook it, and feed it to you. I didn't trick you into getting a blowjob from a transvestite. I didn't accuse you of being a necrophiliac. I didn't Superkick you and then dress up as you to mock you on a faux talk show. Man, I didn't even knock you out with a scepter while you were in an OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship Match after you refused to give in to my manager's attempts to sexually seduce you! You just want to wrestle me at AngleMania VIII...because you want to wrestle? THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS REASON FOR A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING MATCH THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! PRL laughs and so does Leon... but not for long. LEON Now... if you want a REASON for a match with me, I've got a couple I could think of off the top of my head. See you talk about a dark cloud hanging over us. There was a dark cloud that hung over me... and it was thanks to YOU, coming out and ruining my match at AnglePalooza with Mister Dick in January! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mouthing "what's your point" PRL folds his arms. LEON My point is, then, I was the World Champion. Right now, I'm not. So if you want a match with me at AngleMania, man to man, face to face, then there's a certain part of me deep down inside that's saying YOU'RE ON! "YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE ALRIGHT! With the smile back on his face Tha Puerto Rican pumps his fist in excitement. He offers his hand to Leon, who looks at it for a couple of seconds, before shaking it. COLE I guess that makes it official! Leon Rodez and Tha Puerto Rican, one more time with feeling at AngleMania VIII!! "Rock The Casbah" strikes up again as the handshake breaks apart. PRL points a finger and tells Leon that "you made the right decision" as he leaves the ring, still excited at the deal he's just made. In the ring Leon seems to be weighing things up with a big new focus suddenly on the horizon for him. COLE Another huge match signed for Indianapolis in under two weeks, the two most recent ex-World Heavyweight Champions to square off in what could very well be the show stealer in the Lucas Oil Stadium and could have plenty to say about the OAOAST World Title picture too! COACH (from under desk) Is he gone yet? COLE ...no, not yet. You'd better stay under there a while longer. COMMERCIAL

MISTER DICK IS BOLDLY GOING TO ANGLEMANIA The Who-Behind Blue Eyes The biggest shit-eating grin imaginable etched on his face, Jock removes a white headband with “DICK” written across in red ala the back of his trunks and HURLS it at EMT Tim. No one knows what its like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOW! No one knows what its like To be hated To be fated To telling only lies Jock removes his cowboy and poses on the turnbuckles, arms spread, as Malaysia cracks the whip. But my dreams They arent as empty As my conscience seems to be As he reaches the ringside area, Jock becomes incensed after a GROUP OF KIDS from the Make-A-Wish Foundation pat him on his arm/shoulder. Upon realizing who they are he changes his tune and acts friendly, no different than when heels visit our fighting men and women overseas. Except Jock is a dick and CHEWS THE KIDS OUT WHILE MALAYSIA CRACKS HER WHIP! I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance Thats never free Mr. Dick is enjoying a beautiful summer afternoon out in the backyard sunbathing, the sprinklers going off around him. No one knows what its like To feel these feelings Like I do And I blame you Mr. Dick stands, arms raised out in a pose as streams of golden pyro shower down on him and Malaysia. No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through Mr. Dick swaggers to the ring holding his crotch. Once inside he tosses his glittery white cowboy hat aside and summons his opponent. But my dreams They arent as empty As my conscience seems to be The Real American Dick channels his inner Hulk Hogan, cupping not his ear but his BALL SACK in every which direction, before he tears away his chaps and parades around in short shorts with a heart strategically placed on his crotch. I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance Thats never free The Human Hard On wraps his powerful arms around Tyler’s in a full nelson. Seconds later, Tyler is being flung to the canvas and KO’ed by the Pure Penetration! When my fist clenches, crack it open Before I use it and lose my cool When I smile, tell me some bad news Before I laugh and act like a fool Mr. Dick grabs Tha Puerto Rican and gives him an inverted atomic drop! As PRL bounces up and down holding his Johnson, Mr. Dick runs towards the ropes, bounces off of the ropes and charges forward, nailing PRL with the Clothesline From Hell! If I swallow anything evil Put your finger down my throat If I shiver, please give me a blanket Keep me warm, let me wear your coat Mister Dick slithers into the ring, his sexually predatory glare backing away a frightened Krista and disturbing PRL. He doesn’t put any of them at ease as he grinds himself into the mat as Malaysia whips his back. No one knows what its like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO ANGLEMANIA HAS GONE BEFORE TO INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA OAOAST WORLD TITLE: ZACK MALIBU VS BOHEMOTH III KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE LINDSAY LOHAN ALFDOGG VS REJECT OAOAST TAG TITLES: SPENCER REIGER AND COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR VS TEAM HEYROSS PLUS, PRL, JADE-RODEZ DUNCAN, LANDON MADDIX, THEODORE MONEYMAKER, AND MORE!

We find ourselves at the back of the building with impeccable timing, almost as if it were planned, just in time to see former OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez entering from the parking lot with his bags in hand. And if he was hoping for an inconspicuous return, he's out of luck, as he's quickly accosted by Maggie Nerdly! MAGGIE Hey! Le, how'ya doin'? LEON I'm... fine. Look, I've got to go get ready. MAGGIE Oh sure, sure. Listen, if it's any consolation I thought what you did at the Celtic Spectacular was the right thing. I mean, most people would have taken the cheap way out but you stayed true and honest to the bone and that... meant a lot to me, seeing that. You're really one of life's good guys. Ya know, when you wanna be. Leon manages to form a half smile at Maggie's playful jab. MAGGIE Listen are you sure you're okay? I mean how have you been really? LEON I've had a lot to think about, but I'm fine, really. MAGGIE Well look just so you know everybody's been talking about how they're after this big first interview with you and how they wanna get the scoop on what happened. But if you need to talk to somebody, I'm here. Don't assume I'm out for scoops. If you need me, come find me. Instinctively giving Leon a comforting rub on the shoulder Maggie quickly pulls away realising how awkward that gesture is. An awkward smile is exchanged by the two instead. LEON Thanks. Picking up his bags again Leon walks off deep in thought. MARCH 26th CHARLOTTE NORTH CAROLINA ANGLEMANIA REMATCH NIGHT FEATURING THE LONG AWAITED RETURN OF CHICKS OVER DICKS AGAINST CHRISTIAN WRIGHT AND THEODORE MONEYMAKER TEAM HEYROSS VS THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS PLUS MORE! COMMERCIAL COMMERCIAL

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! The 90’s grunge styling’s of Collective Soul beat Shine into the arena, and with it comes a large pop from the Saddledome crowd. The entrance doors spread apart, allowing tag team champion Quentin Benjamin to step onto the stage. He psyches himself up and gives himself a terrible headache, by pounding his hands against his face. Deciding that beating himself is not the best idea, Benjamin instead holds up his tag title and makes his way down the ramp. BUFFER Now making his way to ring, hailing from Seattle, Washington, he is one half of the current OAOAST tag team champions, he weighed in at two hundred thirty five pounds…QUNETIN BENJAMIN! The are more cheers for the fan favorite, which he acknlowledges with a nod of his head on his way down the ramp. COLE Quentin Benjamin set to meet up with Spencer Reiger, the newest member of The Enterprise. This match will be a big test for both men as they get a feel for each other before the tag title contest at Anglemania! These two met up earlier tonight in a bit of a scuffle and get to settle that score in just few moments. Benjamin dives into the ring, sliding halfway across the mat, before he pops to his feet and raises his tag title once more. COACH Let’s be real, Benjamin is a great athlete, but that’s all he is. Reiger is a great athlete and much more, dude is the one man triple threat. He’s as good an athlete as Benjamin and better at everything else! David Guetta’s seductive “The World Is Mine” hits bringing both alternating spotlights of blue and red and crowd noise that alternates between vulgar cries and ouright boos. The recipient of this festering hatred, slides through a thin haze along a stage illuminated blue. Letting the mist gather around him, Reiger gets that dirt off the shoulders of his Ed hardy hoodie, then brushes back his hood to let the hateful audience see his smirking face. BUFFER And the opponent! From Manhattan, New York... weighing in at two hundred, ten pounds. He represents The Enterprise…."THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT"... SSSSPPPEEEEEEEEENNCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRR... RRRREEEEEEIIIIIIIIIGGEEEEERRRRRRR!!! Reiger walks with a bounce in his step down the ramp, cloaked by a bright white spotlight to contrast the flashing blue and red "SR" shaped illuminations on the entrance ramp. The One Man Triple Threat stops at the bottom of the aisle for his favorite past time of humiliating the OAOAST fans. Not able to find the proper person to humliate, Reiger settles on the camera man and uses his Anglemania polo shirt as 25$ snot rag. Sure to hear it from the videographer’s union, Reiger hears it from the angry audience as he bounces up the steps into the ring. COLE The Enterprise roster shakeup continued last week with Spencer Reiger and CMJ making their way into the group and into the tag title match at Anglemania. Its been a fast rise for Reiger, who has been predicted for success ever since he was signed to an OAOAST developmental contract. DING DING DING DING Right off the bell QB shuns SR’s lockup offer and instead spins behind him to grab a waistlock. There’s no struggle to be had by Reiger as Benjamin throws him overhead with a beautiful german suplex! Immediately upon hitting the mat, Reiger clutches his sore back and screams out in agony. This does not stop him from quickly getting to his feet so that he may look for the easiest escape route. But his usual retreat is put on hold by Benjamin running through him with a lariat! Once again, Reiger gets back to his feet, planning his escape. And once again his retreat meets with failure due to Benjamin throwing him face first into the ring posts. “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream as they watch the arrogant superstar fall over to the canvas. Just as soon as he went down, SR gets back up, still seeking his escape. His misery continues to replay with QB chucking him into the posts. He staggers forward and finds himself thrown over by a deep arm drag! Now grabbing onto his sore shoulder, Reiger stumbles back towards his feet. QB promptly seizes hold of him, and lifts him into the air for a back drop. But the agile youngster manages to flip out the hold. Unfortunately the smooth counter and even smoother landing doesn’t do much good thanks to Benjamin blasting him with a dropkick! COLE Benjamin is cooking! With the aid of the ropes, SR pulls himself upright. With their continued help he tirelessly seeks an escape from this awful beating. The amateur star lends him a helping hand by using a spin kick to send him toppling over the ropes. Much to the fans’ glee Reiger lands with discomforting impact on the mats bellow, his body settling onto the OAOAST logo. COLE If Spencer is going to make his usual run for it, now is the time! In the ring, Benjamin pumps up himself and the crowd by heading to the top rope and raising his arms. Outside, Reiger tries to determine whether he should see this one through or take his customary exit. “SPENCER SUCKS! SPENCER SUCKS! SPENCER SUCKS!” “I suck?” He snaps furiously ” Then you can watch me suck backstage! I’m outta here!” With that farewell, the OAOAST’s resident Zac Effron look alike decides to hit the road. Unfortunately, Benjamin decides to hit him with a baseball slide that pushes him into sofa central. The fans cheer, pleased to see the cowardly Reiger beaten down by QB’s array of punches. Once done with his assault on SR’s forehead the tag champion throws his AM challenger back into the ring. As Spencer tries to get to a vertical base, QB, now on the apron, throws his shoulder into his midsection. This nauseates New York’s finest and leaves him doubled over, a perfect set up for a sunset flip. But as Benjamin throws his body into the ring, Spencer drops to one knee and lets his rival slam his back into his outstretched limb. The moment, QB hits the canvas he hollers out in agony. “Not so smart, are we now?” Spencer chuckles to himself, getting back to his feet. He grabs onto Benjamin and lifts him off the canvas to chuck him into the ropes. Upon returning, Benjamin extends his arm for a lariat. But Reiger uses his attacking limb as a base to swing around his body, in order to come out in front and drive him downwards with a brutal DDT! A grin splits SR’s face as his foe’s neck snaps off the hard canvas. Benjamin gets back to his feet under his own power, but he’s thrown under enormous pain by a pair of kicks SR slams into legs. Before the tag team champion can topple over, SR grabs hold of his neck in a 3/4th face lock. “Going down, Mister Benjamin?” Reiger asks in the most polite tone he can manage and then flings QB over with a spinning neck breaker. As soon as Benjamin hits the canvas, Reiger is running into the ropes. He times his return just as Benjamin is starting to get upright and strikes him dead in the face with a vicious knee! COLE This season Blood is the new Black! COACH Why you always gotta find cute ways to say people’s signature moves? Class is in session, but School is Out! So and so wishes they could wake up from that PR Nightmare! Reject just wrote so and so’s Euology! I tell you why, cause you an ol diet dr pepper, baked lays, go-green, banana republic ass bitch. Spencer exits the ring, with a smile that manages to be both charming and infuriating at the same time. He turns that handsome look onto the audience. “CALGARY!” He shouts “YEAAAAAAAH!” they believe he’s suddenly changed his wicked ways. “YOU SUCK!” He replies, his smile wider than ever before. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” Delighting in the hatred of Western Canada, Reiger adds to his own joy by slingshotting himself over the ropes and smashing his black boots onto Benjamin’s neck with a double stomp. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see your face there, dude.” COLE This is guy is some piece of work! How does he sleep at night? COACH Probably beside some hot model chicks, and on a bed of money. Dude is hot, no homo, and his parents are rich. I’d smash, no homo. Reiger takes hold of Benjamin’s sore neck, further aggravating it with a basic crank. He uses this simple but painful hold to pull Bejamin off the canvas. But QB’s time upright doesn’t last long. Reiger runs forward and drives him downward with a running inverted bulldog. COLE The running inverted bulldog, named after what all the New York socialites call Spencer, The New York Knockout. Spencer Reiger, the son of an art dealer mother and a real estate developer father, certainly was born into riches and he’s continued his family’s legacy of success. COACH How proud are they gonna be when they go to the spring ball at the city museum or have dinner with Mayor Blomberg to be able to tell everyone their kid is an OAOAST tag team champion. Spencer strides over to the fallen Benjamin with a toothsome grin filling his face. But that smile is quickly knocked away when his foe begins slamming his elbow into his six packed stomach. Using his elbows as both a shield and attacker, Benjamin is able to win his way upright. Unfortunately he puts himself directly into the path of a blatant low blow! The fans booing and QB’s groans of agony, cause Reiger to burst out in uproarious laughter. COLE Oh come on! I’m sure his parents can’t wait to tell Caroline Kennedy about that one! Reiger takes hold of QB’s head and with one quick turn brings him down to the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker! New York’s finest quickly stays on Benjamin, hooking his arms around his neck in a simple facelock. “ASK HIM! ASK HIM!” Reiger orders referee, Clem Buzzlefoxer. Unfortunately Clem is stupid/senile and only asks what Benjamin’s favorite color is. Thus SR is forced to continue his terrible torquing of Benjamin’s neck to get a genuine submission. But Benjamin’s strength and wrestling ability greatly aids him as he’s able to push his way upright. Only mere moments later does he succeed in shoving Reiger into the ropes. Once The One Man Triple Threat returns to him, QB curses him with a painful samoan drop! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” With one hand on his sore back, Reiger comes back to his feet. Unfortunatley for him his free hand is used to whip into the ropes. Coming back he hopes to hit a knee lift but these hopes are harshly dashed by a back body drop that throws him high into the sky. Reiger comes down hard on the canavs, insantly feeling pain ripping through his body. He still manages to quickly work his way upright, but this leaves him open to the spinning wheel kick that knocks him back down. COLE Great back and forth action here in Calgary, and it can only get better when you add CMJ and Charlie Moss into the mix at Anglemania. COACH It can only get worse for Team Heyross. They were lucky to lift the belts off the Deadly Alliance and they’ll be even luckier if they make it past five minutes against the LDC Moneygang! Reiger comes back to his feet very slowly, which gives Benjamin and easy time of hammering him with left hands. But the slugging is cut short by Reiger cruelly poking his opponent in the eyes. The fans take to booing Reiger, but he couldn’t care less, just happy to get reprieve from Benjamin’s onslaught. He slides behind the Seattle native, grabbing hold of his neck. Then he kicks his legs forward, and further aggrives Benjamin’s neck with another neckbreaker. Reiger gets back to his feet and taunts the already annoyed audience before he leaps forward and strikes Benjamin with a senton splash! COACH What a guy Spencer Regier is! Great smile, good looking kid, good upbringing, great education, star lacrosse player in highschool. COLE What does any of that have to do with his in ring talent? COACH It means a person of equal success and cultured lifestyle, such as myself, can better appreciate his gifts then a Tiny Tim chimney sweep fiddler on the roof ass nigga like you. Reiger takes hold of Benjamin’s arm and uses it to bring him off the canvas. With that same grip on his arm he’s able to irish whip his foe into the corner. Benjamin hasn’t even a chance to brace himself before Reiger runs forward and crashes his elbow into his throat. The pain only gets worse when Reiger smacks his boot against Benjamin’s midsection. The fans are alarmed with panic and filled with dread as they watch Reiger grab a double underhook in set up for the Reiger Counter (Pedigree!) COACH Yes! Yes! Here it comes! But Benjamin counters into a rollup! ONE! TWO! Reiger quickly scrambles out of the pinfall, and looks highly irritated that he was even put in that position. Heading back to his feet, he carelessly disregards the rules by punting Benjamin in the testicles. New York’s finest ignores any admonishments from the referee or the audience and captures his foe into another underhook. This time he gives his foe no chance to make an escape and simply drives him downward with the Reiger Counter! The fans deflate, saddened over seeing Benjamin’s body go lifeless after hitting the mat. A pin follows as they pray, Benjamin can come back to life… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING Reiger makes certain to kill off any potential goodwill his win might have earned with the fans, by blowing snot onto Benjamin’s fallen body. BUFFER Your winner as a result of pinfall…SPENCER REIGER! COLE A big victory heading into Anglemania for the LDC Moneygang, but things can get pretty unpredictable when you throw Charlie Moss and CMJ into the mix.

We go elsewhere backstage to find Melody Nerdly and women's champion Jade Rodez-Duncan engaged in conversation. Well, Jade is doing most of the talking, Jade is trying to defeat Ken on SF with Dan. Good luck, Dan sucks ass! JADE Why didn't you tell me? MELODY Hadoken this, bitch! JADE Melody, that's mean! MELODY Not you, Ken. Ken's the bitch. And tell you what? JADE Tell me that your little sister is a homicidal maniac! MELODY You think throwin a dragon punch makes you cool? Eat this fireball and tell me how that tastes! I believe I tried to tell you. JADE When? When did you try and do that? MELODY I think it was when I compared the time when she was three and she shoved Maggie in the drier to get all the Care bears to the time when Wolverine tried to kill Cyclops so he could romance Jean Grey in Ultimate X-men. JADE That means nothing to me. I don't understand that! MELODY (in yoda voice) Ignorant of my teachings you are! JADE We were really having fun to. She seemed happy, we were maxing out mom's credit cards and turning her prematurely grey, then we went to bebe and you saw what happened. I went to try something on and I came out and there were two guys on the floor. MELODY You're gonna throw me? Throw the Queen of street fighter? Here's an EX-Gadoken right back at ya! Are you sure they were guys, now? Because Bebe is a women's store, and... JADE Who cares what they were? I understand that she was just trying to help me, but...there are better ways to stick up for a friend then zapping people- MELODY When people make fun of you I vandalize their wiki page. JADE People make fun of me? MELODY Sometimes people talk about how you pick your nose when you think no one is looking. JADE I do not do that. I don't! Back to Morgan, I'm worried about me now. I was only trying to do something nice for someone who needed it, but I don't think I could be friends with someone like her. She seemed funny and smart, and I'm sure deep down she's sweet, but.... MELODY Complain, complain, complain, did Angela Peterlli chew out Sylar when he sliced open Jesse's head? Nope, she did not. She knew you can't change a killer overnight. JADE I'm not Angela I'm Claire, and Claire hates Sylar because he tried to saw her head off. MELODY Correction! Two corrections, in fact. Sylar does not saw heads off, he uses his power of telekenisses to remove the scalps of his victims. Correction, number two, Morgan is not Sylar, she is Elle, and Elle and Claire are sometimes friends. JADE Why are you now on her side? MELODY I don't have any Heroes references to fit your side. Dang it, you just got me hit with a hard punch Shrouyken! JADE Melody, please, I'm serious. I wanted to be her friend, but after that...its all too much. I'm afraid if I say something wrong, she'll get upset and hurt me. She's dangerous. MELODY You can't just go and tell her you don't want to be friends. Otherwise we'll all be having fried Jade for lunch. JADE Even if she did electrocute me, which she probably would, why would you eat me for lunch? MELODY Didn't think about that. But, you need to think of a way to break things off Morgan without getting fried. JADE Don't you have any TV examples off how to break a friendship off? MELODY Only from CSI. And I'm not sure you want to be victim in a murder case. Jade slinks down into a chair, despairing over this, as Melody goes happily back to her game. LATER TONIGHT CONGRESSIONAL BEATDOWN MISTER DICK VS CONGRESSMAN JOEL DUNCAN TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

The camera cuts to the backstage area. Tha Puerto Rican enters the arena to the cheers of the fans. PRL is wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head, sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned white collar shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. He is carrying his black gym bag. P.R. is walking straight to his locker room when he gets stopped by Josh Matthews. PRL mumbles. JOSH MATTHEWS P.R.! P.R.! What brings you here tonight? THA PUERTO RICAN Well, I AM a member of the One And Only AngleSault Thread roster, dumbass! Why else would I be here!? J. MATH But you’re not scheduled for a match tonight! THA PUERTO RICAN So? Tha Puerto Rican does whatever he wants, WHENEVER he wants! And besides, I have a VERY SPECIAL REASON for being here tonight! You see, it just so happens that tonight is the night where I reveal my grand AngleMania plan! All of the pieces are in place, finally. Tonight, Tha Puerto Rican will walk down The People’s Ramp, slide into The People’s Ring, and in front of all of The Lightning Bolts inside of the arena and watching on TVs all around the world on Tha Puerto Rican’s show, HeldDOWN~!, I will reveal what I have in store for AngleMania VIII Sunday April 5, 2009 from the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana! Trust me, Todd, you and all of these people will like what I’ve got in mind! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get ready. THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican walks away. Josh Matthews looks on. The crowd cheers loudly.