Patty O'Green

COLE Ladies and gentlemen thank you for joining us here on HeldDOWN, as announced at the top of the show our friend and colleague Sly Sommers has passed away. We are all saddened by his loss and wish to pass our condolences to his family and we wish him the best in his future endeavors. Join us on April the 9th where we will celebrate this man's life, legacy, and love with the Sly Sommers memorial show. On that pleasant note we swoop over to the world famous interview stage where Tony Brannigan is standing by. BRANNIGAN In a few short moments I’ll be joined by the man who made shockwaves one week ago with the addition of two new members to his Enterprise. But that’s not the only reason he’s in the news, because earlier this week OAOAST President Josie Baker launched an investigation into possible collusion between Theodore Moneymaker, V.I.C.E., Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr. This on the heels of a bizarre chain of events that‘s gotten us to where we are tonight with Spencer Reiger and CMJ set to face Team Heyross for the One & Only World tag team championship Sunday night, April 5th live exclusively on pay-per-view at AngleMania VIII. So without further ado, let me bring out the man with the answers to all our questions, the Chairman and CEO of the Enterprise… THEODORE MMMOOOONNEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" “Money Talks” by AC/DC hits and Theodore Moneymaker doesn’t come alone, bringing his reorganized Enterprise along. Christian Wright, Spencer Reiger, CMJ and Lorelei DeCenzo are dressed sharp. BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker, I and millions of OAOAST Marks everywhere cannot believe what occurred here last week. A forced gangbang of Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard to strip them of the Beverly Hills Blonds name and their #1 contender status which they rightfully earned by winning the Anderson Cup! MONEYMAKER No, Brannigan, that was the MONEYGANG~! LORELEI The LDC Moneygang to be exact. Under my direction I‘ll have gold around my boys’ waists in no time. (rubbing hands down Spencer and Colin’s physiques) And I couldn’t be more excited at the prospect. SPENCER Out with the old, in with the new, Tony. Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard loved to hype themselves as the hottest sports entertainers in the world. Well last week CMJ and I took those old-timers out back and put them down. The future of the OAOAST is here and their names are Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr. COLIN Remembah 'em because you'll be hearing a lot from us in the comin' months. Nobody does it bettah than me and Spencah,eh! BRANNIGAN Now that we’ve taken care of that, what about the charges of collusion Josie Baker is checking into? MONEYMAKER What kind of operation does that ingrate Josie Baker think I‘m running, Brannigan? It’s first class all the way with everything done by the letter of the law, which she’ll no doubt be disappointed to learn. The fact she’s wasting the company’s money on this matter is grounds for her removal, in my humble opinion. BRANNIGAN So you’re denying any wrongdoing? MONEYMAKER Of course I am. The heart of Baker’s argument is that my Enterprise violated her ruling that we engage in a competitive MWC Conference Final. BRANNIGAN If that’s the case, then you’re S.O.L. The whole thing proved to be an elaborate ploy. MONEYMAKER Wrong! How could the Enterprise have violated her ruling when myself and Christian Wright were the only representatives? BRANNIGAN What do you mean by that? V.I.C.E. are members of your organization. MONEYMAKER Were members. BRANNIGAN “In the Air Tonight” by Non-point cues. MONEYMAKER Right now I’d like to introduced to you, led by their new manager INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY… two Violators, Intimidators and Capital E-fenders… DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY AND CPA… V.I.C.E.! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BRANNIGAN V.I.C.E. and Inspector Nerdly acknowledge Moneymaker and company on their way to the ring. MONEYMAKER I can see the question racing through your mind, Brannigan. You wanna know how? Making Inspector Nerdly run-off weeks ago -- all part of the plan, my friend. What nobody else knew was Lorelei met her out back to sign over the contracts of V.I.C.E. BRANNIGAN That had to cost a pretty penny. How could Morgan even afford it? MONEYMAKER Being the generous man that I am, I loaned her the money which she’ll payback with interest! BWAHAHA! * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and V.I.C.E. pummel two unnamed jobbers unmercifully, which leads to one jobber’s ARREST & TRIAL (brain buster into rear naked choke) and the other a GIGATON PUNCH! COLE And just like that it’s over. COACH They ain’t working by the hour, baby boy. CPA places one foot on his overmatched opponent’s chest. ONE! TWO! THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are you winners… DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA… VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Victory obtained Detective Bosley refuses to let go of the choke. COLE This guy’s sadistic. COACH I only see a man who loves his job. Watching from the confines of the interview stage is Theodore Moneymaker along with the rest of the Enterprise. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The unexpected pop grabs Moneymaker’s attention. He looks and spots SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD storming his way! MONEYMAKER Moneymaker and Wright hightail it to the ring but are followed by the former Beverly Hills Blonds. Inside they’re met by V.I.C.E. and a slugfest ensues. COLE Simon and Ned striking like cobras, a pair of Orange County cobras! Spencer Reiger and CMJ enter the fray and it becomes a 4 on 2 assault until TEAM HEYROSS arrive to even the odds. They go at it with Reiger and CMJ in an AM preview while Simon and Ned, shirts ripped and all, get them some of V.I.C.E. COLE Saddle down the Saddledome because all hell is breaking loose. COACH And it was all started by a couple of disgruntled former employees. Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin only added fuel to the fire by sticking their nose where it didn’t belong. What sore losers they are. Reiger, CMJ and V.I.C.E. retreat on Moneymaker’s orders. The Billion Dollar Heir furious at Simon and Ned. COLE OAOAST Marks, we need time to calm this explosive situation. Don’t you dare go away, HeldDOWN~! resumes after this. LATER TONIGHT ANGLEMANIA PREVIEW SPENCER REIGER VS QUENTIN BENJAMIN TONIGHT!

From the Pengrowth Saddledome in Calgary,Alberta, Canada. Help me make your OAOAST an enjoyable one. Use the booking thread. Do it for me. Do it for you. Do it for each other.

I wasn't planning on delaying, buuuuuuuuuut I guesss I can, its just me and tony with stuff right now, no one else has done anything.

I will have a ten bell salute on HeldDOWN honoring our late comrade. I'd think the show after AM would be a good time to have that little Sly Sommers Memorial Show. It just seems like a good idea as there's strangley not always much going on the HD after AM, so hey, finally we have something!

Brought to you by American Express Taped: 3/12 First air date: 3/13 (we churn these mothers out) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You Tonight on Syndicated… Matches and promos will be summarized! Jokes will be made! You may or may not laugh! If you enjoy this show please direct all praise to Patty O’Green, OAOAST president. If you despise it and wish for the writer to die, please kill Tony149, vice president of the OAOAST. ***CITIZEN SOLDIERS VS LOS CONQUESTIADORS*** Another Anderson Cup rematch following the one seen on HeldDOWN~! Uno and Baron kicked things off with Baron looking for a quick pin on his oddball foe. Uno escaped each pin attempt and punished Windells by casting a voodoo spell. Whatever that spell was, it didn’t work terribly well as Baron proceeded to beatdown Uno in the corner. Windells eventually gave way to Cash, who tried to convince Uno to leave his evil ways behind. Uno responsed to that by casting another spell. When that didn’t work as expected he traded a series of arm drags with the former EMT that allowed him to make the tag to his partner. Unfortunatley for the voodoo freaks, Dos didn’t fare much better than Uno as CS uses powerful double teams to brutally punish them. That is until Dos connected with a bulldog on BW after Uno provides the distraction with his disturbing spell casting. Uno and Dos kept the bigger man under control with fast tandem offense that BW had no counter for. On commentary Jesse and Tony debated the validity of voodoo with Jesse admitting he’s had voodoo dolls of Tony for over 16 years! Back in the match, Dos held BW down with a basic yet effective chinlock, while Uno frightened the crowd by taunting them with spells. But BW rolled through the hold and made it into his corner to apply the tag with Cash. Wrestling ultimate nice guy was anything but to Los Conquestiadors, taking them down with dropkicks and DDTs. Uno tried to save Dos from a Midwest Sling (Texas cloverleaf) but was sent outside by a devastating lariat from The Lonestar Gunslinger. Without his partner there to help him, Uno was forced to submit. WINNNER:Citizen Soldiers, via submission. After the commercial break, Uno and Dos promised revenge on Citizen Soldiers, declaring that they’d sacrifice “their blood and guts to the heart of the nightmother” Very well then. ***SOPHIE VS MEGAN SKYE*** Skye got an early upperhand through usage of a series of uppercuts. But, Sophie valiantly weathered the storm and scored big with a drop toe hold onto the bottom turnbuckle. Sophie then showed off her decent striking ability with strong round house kicks. But she over did the strikes, as Skye started to expect them and countered with a belly to belly suplex. The two traded punches and strikes for several minutes before Skye Lyte sought a Skye Lyte (tornado DDT). But Sophie shocked both her and an approving audience by countering her into a roll up for a three count! WINNER: Sophie, via pinfall ***THE JAMIE O’HARA WRESTLING FEDERATION PRESENTS….*** NUMBER ONE CONTENDER’S MATCH WINNER TO FACE BIFF-BOT FOR THE WORLD HEAVEYWEIGHT TUBE SOCK AN EMPTY DVD CASE OF ONE OF LEON’S PORNOS VS A PIECE OF PAPER! Here to give us expert analysis, your commentators Logan Mann and Synth Abdul Jabbar. LOGAN No homo, Leon’s dick game had fallen off after he won his third AVN award. He looked tired at the end of his run, no energy. And I swear I saw him kiss a chick after the chick has sucked another dude off. I think he might have been bi, but only got off on dudes. He didn't even look excited to be doing dime pieces no more. SYNTH You gots to respect the classics, mang. Ah mean some of the shit he did is difficult as hell. Ah once saw him pick up a bitch that was easily over 160lbs. She was layin on the couch and he picked her up by her waist off the couch and over his head. Positioned her legs on him shoulder and she just be sitting on his shoulder. Ya know that be hard to do? And my man was rockin the pushup style boning he did. That takes tremendous strength. Sometimes this guy would do a move and Ah just have to rewind just ta make sho he did what Ah thought he did. LOGAN Our next competitor comes from the nation’s capital; it’s the phone number of a girl named Tiffany, Jamie O’Hara met at Club Fur in DC! Giving us his thoughts on the newest competitor to the worst federation on earth is our hero and icon Jamie O’hara. J’Oh? “JAMIE O’HARA” Alright so I was at this club last night that my boy told me had some nice trannies. I was talking to this chick named Tiffany who had some masculine features and thought for sure she was a tranny. We clicked and then she whispered in my ear that she wanted me to nail her in the ass. I thought that she was a tranny for sure then. We go in the back alley and I pound her uranus. I finish then tell her its my turn to get it. She looks at me weird and say "Excuse me?" I then looked at her crotch area (she had her pants down) and saw no bulge! I said "are you post-op?!" She was like "WTF are you talking about I'm a female!" and then slapped me. That's when I realized I just had heterosexual anal sex with an ugly woman! I threw up about 10 times right there. I then ran home and filled my bath tub with bleach and soaked in it for about an hour. Be careful, some of these trannies could be real women! LOGAN Riveting and poignant! This could be the night that defines pro wrestling for the next century. And I will spend most of it updating my twitter and watching teenage girls shake their ass on youtube. To the ring we must go! ****AN EMPTY DVD CASE OF ONE OF LEON’S PORNOS VS A PIECE OF PAPER!*** FROM JAMIE O’HARA’S BRAND NEW PALATIAL MANSION Living up to their promise to create the worst federation known to man, Logan and Synth called the (in)action between to inanimate objects as though it were Ali Vs Frasier. Logan acted as though the very fate of humanity rested on the outcome of this match going as far to call this match “Wrestling Gettysburg Address!” But halfway through the unbearable affair something odd appeared, LOGAN Great googly moogly! What have we seen? What hell has been placed on our earth? A suicide bombing by Sponge Bob Square Pants! Is there no humanity left in this world? Where have all the good men gone? The war is at our door step, America! Barack, are you listening? Barry are you out there? President Obama, can you hear the children crying? Dick Chenney was right! Its time to get tough on terrorism, Obama! SYNTH The nerve of this nigga SpongeBob to turn his back on the set. Ah took this nikka outta Nickelodean when he was just dirtbag making hamburgers for a tightwad. Them nikkas used to share chicken sandwiches rite from the spot on 145th. I always looked out for his blood brother. But now I dunno wut to do wit this shorty shit stain ass nikka...you a foul lookin ass boy. Now Imma personaly take this dirtbag nikkas kufi b. He crossed the line b, for real. If I see this nikka again in Bikini Bottom...word to blood b, pappy he gonna get his. Now i realize SpongeBob aint loyal he just a yellow homo living in a pineapple. LOGAN The war between the SpongeBob World Order and The One and Only Jamie O’Hara wrestling federation is EXPLOSIVE, brudda! We’ll see you next week, same Jamie time, same Jamie channel! This week on HeldDOWN~! Spencer Reiger Vs Quentin Benjamin Number one contender to the US Title: Nathaniel Black Vs James Blonde Theodore Moneymaker Speaks! Congressional BeatDOWN~! Mister Dick Vs Congressman Joel Duncan SYNDICATED MEET AND GREET WITH… INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY I’d run the amazing race with… I hate racing but I’d do it with Melody, I suppose. Maybe I could lose her in a Jungle in Peru and she’d get eaten by white tigers. What’s something you’d be embarrassed to buy? Despite my last name, I couldn’t buy a comic book without breaking down and crying. What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed? I take my medicine, and then I watch TV until the pills kick in and I go to sleep. That's my nightly routine. What animal do you most resemble? I think I look a lot like a human. What do you think? Favorite Chick Flick I’ve seen How To lose a guy in ten days about sixteen times. In fact I’m over due for this month’s viewing. Who would you least like to have a beer with? I don’t think I’d want to see my mother shit faced drunk. I don’t want to see her shit faced sober either, for that matter. Least favorite OAOAST Wrestling growing up? I liked Some Guy because I thought “Sexy Boy” was a nice theme. But, then I found out he just stole it from Shawn Michaels. I blame a lot of my sociopathy and homicidal thoughts on finding that out. Maybe that’s not fair, but if he ever showed up backstage I would blast him with electricity for sure. ***THUNDERKID Vs DENZEL SPENCER*** Denzel took early control of the mainevent contest with a variety of headlocks and wristlocks. ThunderKid grew frustrated and annoyed with his inability to out maneuver DS and left the ring to reform his strategy as we went to break. Returning from the commercial, things were quite a bit brighter for TK, as he had DS trapped inside a deadly sleeper. The Jamaican sensation eventually fought his way out the hold but couldn’t gain much momentum due to being crunched into the canvas with a powerslam. TK went to the top rope, which proved costly as Spencer shocked him a run up arm drag. The Jamaican used a fantastic array of punches and kicks to keep TK at bay and almost got a near fall off of a running cross body block. TK struck back at his foe with a powerful exploder suplex that wowed a very begrudging crowd. The Green Bay native then went for the Scorpion Deathdrop but his opponent furiously fought out of his finisher. The Jamacian then went for a scissor kick, but TK caught his foot and dragged him down into an Ankle Lock. Spencer tried with all his might to stomach the pain, but eventually the anguish was too much to bear and he had to tap out. WINNER: ThunderKid, via pinfall

HOW TO USE THE BOOKING THREAD LESSON 1 1.Open up web browser 2.Enter "http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/" in address bar 3.Scroll down towards bottom of the page to folder marked "OAOAST" 4.Click OAOAST 5.Click folder titled OAOAST HeldDOWN 6.Scroll to thread marked "Booking for the March 19th HeldDOWN" 7.Press add reply 8.Enter matches and/or segments in text field. For instance: CONGRESSIONAL BEATDOWN MISTER DICK Vs CONGRESSMEN JOEL DUNCAN SPENCER REIGER VS QUENTIN BENJAMIN FALL OUT FROM INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY'S RODEO DRIVE INCIDENT 9.Press Add reply! Congratulations, you just posted in the booking thread and made the OAOAST a better place for us all.

Hmmmmm....maybe not as good as last weeks but still a solid effort for this show. Tony I am a good enough man to ignore that the GOAT NBA play led the GOAT NBA franchise to another thrilling victory over the spurs. Its low class, low class to bring up the Lakers 102 points to the Spurs meager 95. Low class, and just wrong on many levels. I'm not that kind of character.

Here's a question I've been wondering for months, when does everyone start writing their segments and matches. The day of the show, a couple days before, weeks in advance. I remember sometime in 07 I used to start PPV matches like a month early. By this point that year I was half way through COD Vs The Enterprise. But back then I was only writing Alix and Krista not Krista and Alix +8 Nerdly sisters, so things were easier. Speak on this matter, people. Speak on it

Tony's staunch reliability and yeoman dedication to this great craft gives me hope for the future when white supremacist assassinate me and he's required to ascend to my office. I can die in relative peace.

CREDITS DIRECTOR-PATTY O'GREEN ASSOCIATE PRODUCER-TONY149 DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY-ZACK MALIBU UNIT PRODUCTION MANAGER-KC LOCATION MANAGER-EWC 1ST ASSISTANT DIRECTOR-ALFDOGG

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We cut to sofa central where our announce team, dressed in Anglemania baseball jerseys available at OAOAST Shop, sit ready to welcome us to our little den of insanity. COLE Folks, good evening we are in the heart of Texas for this weeks edition of HeldDOWN and it promises to be fantastic! I'm Michael Cole joined as always by The Coach and let's send things over to Michael Buffer to kick off this exciting OAOAST event on the road to Anglemania! BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall...and the right to compete for the One & Only World tag team championship at AngleMania VIII! “Superstar” by Lupe Fiasco hits, and the Beverly Hills Blonds stroll down the red carpet to the ring. BUFFER Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, the 2009 Anderson Cup champions… "BOX-OFFICE" SIMON SINGLETON and “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The BHB are businesslike once inside the squared circle, tossing aside their matching vests aside and summoning Spencer Reiger and his partner of choice. COACH You can tell the seriousness of this one, Mikey Cole. Molly Nerdly is nowhere to be found. I figured she’d be out here for Simon and Ned to hide behind her skirt when things start going bad! COLE I won’t even dignify that with a response. But the Beverly Hills Blonds are putting everything on the line tonight to get Spencer Reiger back for what he did to them and their trophy after winning the 2009 Anderson Cup a couple of weeks ago at the Celtic Spectacular. BUFFER And, ladies and gentlemen, their opponents. First, hailing from Manhattan, New York, and weighing in at 210 pounds… "THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT" ... SSSSPPPEEEEEEEEENNCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRR RRRREEEEEEIIIIIIIIIGGEEEEERRRRRRR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Reiger appears onstage with a microphone. SPENCER I’ll take it from here, because it’s time to answer the question everybody is dying to know. Who is my tag partner? Here’s a hint: he’s Irish. COLE What does that have to do with anything? COACH It means he’s got the luck of the Irish on his side, you idiot. SPENCER Figured it out yet? No? Well my bad. I forgot you all were stupid. So without any further ado, allow me to introduce to you my partner… “THE IRISH GOLDEN BOY”… COLIN MAGUIRE, JUNIOR~!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CMJ joins SR onstage to the tune of "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by Dropkick Murphys and the two embrace like long lost brothers. COACH OMG, MC. COLE O-M-G? COACH That’s the only way to describe the teaming of CMJ and Spencer Reiger. If you were to build a promotion around two young studs then it’d have to be those men heading to the ring. Combined they may very well be unbeatable. COLE Nobody is unbeatable, but you make a valid point. Any general manager would kill to have a couple of blue chippers like Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire, Jr. to build their franchise around. The BHB hold the ropes open for CMJ and SR, but they decline the invitation and enter through the opposite side. Off come the hoodies and the bell sounds. * DINGDINGDING * Ned Blanchard and Colin Maguire, Jr. receive the nod for their respective teams and lockup mid-ring. Junior wrings the arm but Simon counters with a drop toehold into a front facelock, only to have CMJ answer with a counter of his own -- a hammerlock. Colin then PAINTBRUSHES Simon! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” NED The Handsome Hustler charges CMJ who cowers in the ropes to keep him at bay. As Ned cools off in the corner, Colin and Spencer taunt him at the other end. When the two legal men tie-up once again Blanchard is backed against the ropes. Called upon to break CMJ looks to do more than release Ned from the ropes, he goes for a cheap shot! COLE Hey! Fortunately for BHB fans everywhere, Ned ducks and SLAPS CMJ! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Where’s the outrage now, Cole? COLE Colin Maguire, Jr. got a taste of his own medicine and it wasn't sweet but sour. A shoving match ensues and Simon Singleton gets drawn into the mix following a sucker punch from CMJ. But Simon is restrained by the official as Spencer Reiger sneaks in and blindsides Ned! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Maguire and Reiger do a small number on Blanchard and then fire him into the ropes, but he goes under a double clothesline and issues a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" A tag is made and the BHB wail away on Reiger and Maguire, then shoot them in for a double BAAAAAAAACK body drop! The double teaming resumes after Ned clotheslines Spencer outside with Colin being taken to a DOUBLE FEATURE (FLAPJACK), and then blasted with the ATOMIC BLOND (ROCKET LAUNCHER)!! COLE OMG, Coach! This match could very well be over right here! The count. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Spencer Reiger pulls his new partner outside to safety. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You spoke too soon, Cole. Remember it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, and like we’ve already established Molly isn’t ringside! COLE Nor is she fat I might add. SR replaces CMJ (legally, btw) and trades words with Simon Singleton, then fists! Or rather overhand chops in Simon’s case. B.O.S.S. gets the better of the exchange and sends Spencer down courtesy of a back elbow. He waits for Reiger to return to his feet and then connects with a standing dropkick. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The BHB tag and after ramming Spencer into the turnbuckle Ned unleashes a barrage of rights and knife-edge chops, then fires him into the far opposite corner and charges in…but eats a big boot followed by a RUNNING INVERTED BULLDOG! COACH New York Knockout! And you can stick a folk in Blanchard, Cole, because he’s well done. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE You jinxed him there, partner. COACH I thought it was a slow count to be perfectly honest. Face-first into the knee of Colin Maguire, Jr. goes Ned, which leads to a tag by CMJ and SR. Irish uppercut rattles the Handsome Hustler and a T-Bone suplex, or the HARVARDPLEX as Junior calls it, puts him on his back. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! A quick tag is made and Spencer Reiger wallops Ned with a picture perfect standing dropkick flush to the jaw. That’s followed by a slam near the corner and MOONSAULT…BUT NED PUTS THE KNEES UP!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Both Ned and Spencer make the tag and a chop fest ensues between Simon and Colin. The sound of flesh smacking flesh echoing throughout the American Airlines Center. CMJ goes to the eyes and spins B.O.S.S. around for a high-lifting German, but he rolls through and takes the Irish Golden Boy over in a modified victory roll! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Maguire storms to his feet and into a hip toss. But when Simon goes in to take him over in a head scissors, Spencer Reiger reaches over and snaps him down on the top rope! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Luckily for Simon he’s able to tumble out through the ropes to avoid a possible pin, although he’s soon met by an old friend making a surprise appearance. Former BHB manager LORELEI DECENZO. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Hold on now. That devious young woman has no business out here. COACH She hasn’t done anything wrong. COLE Not yet she hasn’t. Spencer tosses Simon back in and CMJ covers him. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! CMJ places Simon in position and tags SR who delivers a SLINGSHOT DOUBLE STOMP! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY NED! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Reiger dumps Singleton outside, then he and CMJ both confront Ned. As the referee keeps the situation from exploding, outside Lorelei DeCenzo helps Simon Singleton to his knees…and SLAPS him! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Damn her! COACH (laughs) You know what they say, Mikey Cole. Payback’s a bitch! COLE And that Lorelei DeCenzo is. I told you she’d get involved sooner rather than later. My question is why? CMJ rolls Simon back in and seats him in the corner for SR to nail a RUNNING KNEE TO THE FACE! COACH Blood is the New Black and I think Lori agrees, Mikey Cole. Indeed she does, nodding in approval as Spencer drags Simon away from the ropes to cover him. ONE! TWO! SAVE AGAIN BY NED! Reiger baits Ned and he and CMJ put the boots to Simon behind the ref’s back. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Here we go again. Somebody get a second official out here. This is absurd! COACH What’s absurd is you trying to dictate company policy. It’s not their fault Ned is a hothead. Once the official turns around CMJ is back on the apron counting the number of sheep in attendance. He then receives the tag and plants Simon with a vicious IRISH SUPLEX! The cover is made, and when Ned goes to break it he’s cut off and held by Spencer. ONE! TWO! THREE-- NO, KICKOUT!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" CMJ/SR/LORELEI Initially shocked, CMJ doesn’t mope around. He drapes B.O.S.S. across his shoulders and twirls him, but Simon slips out and hits a desperation Russian legsweep! COLE This could be the break Simon needs. Now all he’s got to do is make the tag. COACH Easier said than done, MC. Simon Singleton’s taken a great deal of punishment. I doubt he’s got anything left in the tank, and if he does it’s gotta be close to empty. CMJ and Simon both go in search of the tag, with CMJ the first to do so. But as Spencer Reiger enters Simon musters all the strength he has left and dives towards his corner to make the tag! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Needless to say, Ned Blanchard comes in a house afire punching and slamming SR and CMJ. He ducks a right from Reiger and sends him crashing into his partner following an atomic drop. New York’s Finest then staggers around towards Ned, a kick and SLINGSHOT SUPLEX~!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lorelei jerks Ned off but not in that way; off Spencer. COLE Lorelei DeCenzo again sticking her chest where it doesn’t belong. Lori applauds herself for a job well done, then gets yanked by the hair onto the apron by Ned! COACH Who does Ned think he is, Chris Brown? Because Lorelei sure as hell isn’t Rihanna. Lay a hand on her and there’ll be a heavy price to pay. Though Ned’s a lover and fighter, he prefers loving from a hot chick and takes Lorelei around the world in 5 seconds. It’s only 5 seconds because he steps aside as CMJ rumbles forwards and accidentally knocks Lorelei off the apron! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Ned clotheslines Colin over the top but CMJ lands on the apron. He climbs up top as Spencer Reiger catches Ned with a kick to the midsection and double underhooks both arms. Reiger lifts up and Maguire drops down to complete a sick SPIKE PEDIGREE!!! COACH DAYUM~! COLE Spike Reiger Counter! Spencer covers as Colin bumps Simon outside. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COACH We’ve got new #1 contenders, Mikey Cole! COLE And I can’t believe it. Lorelei rushes inside and wraps her arms around CMJ and Spencer Reiger. As Michael Buffer is about to announce the official decision, THEODORE MONEYMAKER rips the microphone out of his hands. The Billion Dollar Heir joined by fellow Enterprise member CHRISTIAN WRIGHT inside the ring where handshakes are exchanged between them, Lorelei, CMJ and Spencer Reiger. MONEYMAKER Everybody get a good look at your kind laying in defeat right before me because it’s the last time you’ll ever see the Beverly Hills Blonds compete in this ring ever again. I told you all Simon and Ned would regret the day they left my Enterprise. Well that day has come. Not only did they lose their tag title shot at AngleMania VIII, Sunday night April 5th, but they also lost the rights to the Beverly Hills Blonds name! COLE What?! MONEYMAKER If you boys still had my lawyers going through all your contracts then you would’ve spotted the fine print on the contract we signed for the Anderson Cup. Because if you go back and check, you’ll notice all the stipulations agreed to -- your stupid camera and the BHB name on the line. You’d also see the contract was signed the Beverly Hills Blonds vs. The Enterprise, not Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. All that was needed was my John Hancock. Now you were able to get past one Enterprise combo, but you weren’t able to get by the second. COACH Is Teddy saying what I think he is? MONEYMAKER You heard me right. I said they weren’t able to get past the second Enterprise combo because it gives me great pleasure introducing to you the next One & Only World tag team champions and NEWEST MEMBERS of the Enterprise… SPENCER REIGER and COLIN MAGUIRE, JR. LORELEI And behind every good man is a lady, and you’re looking at the honey that will lead her great men to championship gold… Lorelei DeCenzo. “Money Talks” by AC/DC cues and the Enterprise leave together as we fade to commercial TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE ZACK MALIBU VS RICO DE JANERIO TONIGHT!

COLE It's time now for the main event, as the newly crowned World Heavyweight Champion will make his first defense here tonight, just a few weeks shy of Anglemania. Tonight, Zack Malibu puts the belt on the line against the...unique, I guess you could say, Rico de Janeiro! "Right Round" kicks up, and the crowd does not welcome the challenger with open arms, but rather a slew of catcalls, as the moustache stroking superstar heads down the aisle, accompanied by Queen Esther. Toting his scepter and tuggin on his 'stache, Rico berates some of the ringsiders as he heads to the ring for the challenge of a lifetime. COACH So, whaddya think, Mikey Cole? Rico vs. Bo at Anglemania? COLE I think there'd be an overload of metrosexuality in that match, Coach. COACH And you would love every minute of it! COLE More gay jokes, really? COACH It ain't a joke if it's true, closet case. Rico and Esther work the crowd, doing their best to be as annoying as possible...but all eyes are off of them once Papa Roach kicks in! COLE The champ is here! COACH Doesn't someone else have that trademarked? So now not only are you a homo, but a thief as well! The pyro showers the entrance way, and through it all emerges the NEW World Heavyweight Champion! Holding that strap for the fourth time in his career, ZACK MALIBU powerwalks down the aisleway, looking all too ready for action here tonight on HeldDOWN~! COLE Just a few weeks after defeating his best friend for the World Title, and just a few weeks before putting that belt on the line against another one of his allies, Zack Malibu is here tonight to welcome the challenge of Rico de Janeiro! Zack climbs into the ring and unstraps the belt, holding it high with one hand. Rico and Esther taunt him from the other side of the ring, both making the "belt is mine" gesture, to which Zack waves a hand for them to bring it. The entrance festivities soon peter out, and the bell sounds to get us under way for our title match. The two lockup, but Rico has other ideas, as he drives a knee into Zack's gut, then works him over with forearms across the back, having caught the champion with his guard down! He sends Zack to the ropes, and catches him with a sideslam, but Zack floats over and in the same motion snaps Rico down with a Russian legsweep! He pulls Rico up and rocks him with two European uppercuts and then sends him into the ropes, delivering a crisp dropkick as he bounces back! Rico rolls out of the ring before Zack can capitalize, and Esther is all too happy to meet her man and give some words of encouragement. COACH There ya go, Rico. Listen to the queen and soon enough you'll be our champion! COLE Esther certainly has gained great influence over Rico and Lucius, and to lead one of them to the World Heavyweight Title would certainly be a nice coup for her. Esther whispers in Rico's ear and sends him back into the ring, where Zack is waiting for him amidst the cheers of the crowd. He and Zack tie up again, but then Rico drops down and hooks Zack by the waist, carrying him across the ring and slamming him into the corner! He follows up with a slap, probably causing one lucky fan to be hit with a Malibu spitball, and works the crowd before turning to charge the corner...and eat a boot! Rico stumbles back as Zack comes out of the corner and runs the ropes, nailing him with his patented leaping lariat! Rico rolls to his feet, and Zack is right on him, chopping away like a lumberjack looking to take out a tall oak! He grabs Rico to send him across the ring, but Esther grabs Rico's leg, preventing him from being sent across the ring! Rico then thumbs Zack in the eye, and takes him to the corner, running his head into the top turnbuckle! Esther applauds as the crowd boos the tactics of the challenger. Rico scoops Zack up, but Zack wriggles free and hits a HYOOGE release German suplex, tossing Rico halfway across the ring! COLE That'll rattle you! Zack gets up and brings Rico to his feet, then opens fire with a flurry of open hand strikes, yet out of desperation Rico delivers another knee to the gut! He fires Zack into the ropes, and there Esther trips Zack up, giving her man more recovery time! COLE Well, it was only a matter of time... COACH Are you implying that she was bound to interfere? COLE I'm not implying anything, you knew it the minute they came through the curtain! Esther struts away, smiling cockily to the crowd to mock their hatred for that move, and as Zack is getting up, Rico floors him with a clothesline! He stomps Zack before bringing him to his feet, then scoops him up again and slams him to the canvas. Rico then playfully strokes his moustache and then drops a leg...but Zack rolls out of the way, and Rico lands hard on the canvas! A basement dropkick from a rejuvenated Malibu follows, and then he comes off the ropes and nails a legdrop of his own! Esther slams her hand on the canvas and turns to tell the crowd to shut up, not pleased with the turn of events in the ring. Zack brings Rico up and whips him into the corner, then charges in and NAILS him with a running forearm before putting him on the top rope! Zack follows up, but Rico shoves him off, only to have Zack land on his feet! The World Champion then races up the ropes and biels Rico off the top, sending him down to the ring below! Zack steadies himself, climbing up to the top, but now Esther has gotten up on the apron and is trying to stop him from climbing by hooking his ankle! Malibu reaches down and brings the nosy valet up onto the ropes while he is able to climb down, and he then launches her airborne, right at Rico, who catches her in his arms! Before he knows what do to, Rico gets BLASTED with a SCHOOL'S OUT while holding Esther, and she goes rolling out under the bottom rope as his dead weight falls to the canvas! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! BUFFER Here is your winner, the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...ZAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUUUUU! Zack is given the belt, and he holds it up high, as "Getting Away With Murder" signals another victory for the champion. His foes lay scattered, with Rico out like a light in the ring and Esther getting up on the floor, probably not even realizing what just happened! Satisfied with his defense, Malibu heads for the locker room, the World Title safely draped over his shoulder. COLE Zack Malibu finds success tonight, keeping that World Title safe for another day, but will that be the case when Zack Malibu and Bohemoth go toe to toe at Anglemania? Only time will tell! Fans, thank you for tuning in tonight here to HeldDOWN~!. I'm Michael Cole, alongside DA COACH~!, saying we'll see you next week!

ALFDOGG IS BOLDLY GOING TO ANGLEMANIA I want to be forgotten, and I don't want to be reminded. You say "please don't make this harder." No, I won't yet. Alf steps into the ring and removes his belt, raising it into the main camera I wanna be beside her. She wanna be admired. You say "please don't make this harder." No, I won't yet. Alf heads to the top rope, gets his balance...and hits the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 Oh dear, is it really all true? Did they offend us and they want it to sound new? Top ten ideas for countdown shows... Whose culture is this and does anybody know? I wait and tell myself "life ain't chess," But no one comes in and yes, you're alone... Alf is able to slip out in front, then trips up Bo, and locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 You don't miss me, I know. Oh Tennessee, what did you write? I come together in the middle of the night. Oh that's an ending that I can't write, 'cause I've got you to let me down. Alf climbs onto the apron, then climbs to the top rope, and waits for Sandman to get to his feet, before hitting him with a MOONSAULT~! I want to be forgotten, and I don't want to be reminded. You say "please don't make this harder." No, I won't yet. Alf steps to the top rope, hooks Sandman, and executes a SUPERPLEX~! I want to be beside her. She wanna be admired. You say "please don't make this harder." No, I won't yet... The referee hands Alf the belt, and the masked man hoists Alf up over his shoulder, as Alf has just enough energy and consciousness to raise the belt high. BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO ANGLEMANIA HAS GONE BEFORE TO INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA OAOAST WORLD TITLE: ZACK MALIBU VS BOHEMOTH III KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE LINDSAY LOHAN ALFDOGG VS REJECT OAOAST TAG TITLES: SPENCER REIGER AND COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR VS TEAM HEYROSS PLUS, PRL, JADE-RODEZ DUNCAN, LANDON MADDIX, THEODORE MONEYMAKER, AND MORE!

We're back inside the Cucaracha Internacional locker room, which is a little more densely populated than it was last time. Still in his chair like a grumpy father is Nathaniel Black, still reading the book he had earlier, leading us surely to wonder if this book is somehow buying advertising time to have been seen on camera twice. Also in the room is Landon Maddix, looking slightly irritated as well. The source of their collective irritation is James Blonde, whining like a little boy who's been told he's not getting the toy he wants for Christmas after all. My advice- a good, firm slap. Gotta teach these kids the way of the world early! BLONDE But you said you'd think about it! MADDIX I did. BLONDE And it's STILL a no? MADDIX Afraid so. Why can't you just go after the Heartland Title, or the World Title, or the... uh... is the X-Division Title still about? What's the one where you could win it and then rename it whatever you want? ...can't you just be satisfied with the 6-Man Title? BLONDE That's not the point though. BLACK (looks up from his book) I swear, this kid's workin' my last nerve. MADDIX I'm dealing with it honey... uh, uhm, Nathaniel! Taking the parentage thing a bit too seriously unconsciously, Landon himself seems surprised at the slip of the tongue. Not as surprised as Nathaniel though. Blonde sighs, getting ready to protest again. Not wanting to hear anymore Landon holds a hand up to stop him. MADDIX Look, James, I keep telling you, it's not in our best interests to be having you and Todd fight. He's in now. That's the end of it. Blonde bites his lip. He knows he probably shouldn't press it. But he's got a trump card. BLONDE What if I told you it was in our best interests? MADDIX Well, I'd probably call your bluff and demand to hear your idea out of morbid curiousity. BLONDE In that case, prepare to be morbid, I guess. BLACK Already way ahead of you. BLONDE Look at it in a different way. Think about this... it's AngleMania, biggest show of the year. United States Title on the line. Todd Cortez defending for Cucaracha Internacional, steps in the ring with some random OAOAST wrestler with nothing better to do with his time. Random wrestler pins Todd, wins title, Cucaracha Internacional lose on the big stage. Or, Todd Cortez takes on fellow Cucaracha Internacional member. The spotlight shines on us and us alone. We exhibit out competitive ability to the world. Title stays in with us, Cucaracha Internacional win on the big stage. What's going to grab people's attention in a way we want to grab it, Todd Cortez versus opponent, or Cucaracha Internacional versus Cucaracha Internacional? Why should only one of us get the glory? Seeming to be thinking about it Landon scratches his chin. MADDIX Okay. You might just have a point. (looks over James' shoulder) What do you think? CORTEZ Sounds good to me. Eyes widening James whips around, only now realising that the US Champion has walked in mid-speech and caught him red-handed. He laughs nervously as Cortez steps around next to Landon. MADDIX So you'd be okay with this Todd? And, I stress, as a fair and friendly competition only. CORTEZ What can I say, James really sold it to me. Cucaracha Internacional's best going at it. MADDIX Well, second best. CORTEZ Oh, of course. Second best and third best. Your two top prospects. And AngleMania will sort out pecking order. What better way of representing Cucaracha Internacional than that? BLONDE (relaxing) Yeah... exactly. MADDIX Okay then, that's that settled. We'll get contracts drawn up and... Suddenly, having been peering at all of this from other the top of his book, Nathaniel Black has had enough and stands up, making enough of a scene to get everybody's attention. Only Todd doesn't look surprised. BLACK 'Ang on a minute! Since when did we bloody decide that James is 'igher up the rankings than I am!? Why ain't I gettin' a mention 'ere? BLONDE Not now, eh Nat? BLACK Pipe down shortarse! You want Cucaracha Inner'nacional bein' represented, why not me an' Cortez? CORTEZ He's got a point too, Landon. MADDIX In that case, I guess the choice is up to you Todd. Seeing his plans crumbling again Blonde looks on helplessly. CORTEZ Or, you know what we COULD do... MADDIX What's that? CORTEZ Well, how about we let them settle it between the two of them. BLONDE No... CORTEZ Let them fight it out. Winner stays on to wrestle me at AngleMania. Can't say any fairer than that. Much to Blonde's horror, Landon seems to be thinking it over. MADDIX Nat? You okay with that? BLACK Fine by me. MADDIX James? BLONDE Well I dunno see... MADDIX We'll go with that. The leader has spoken! All I need now is some sort of balcony to frequent as I watch my minions fight! We'll work on that. Where's Megan when you need her? CORTEZ Probably try catering. Nodding in agreement Landon leaves in search of Megan, Todd following and brushing close past Blonde to the point that it's almost a shoulder barge. Staring dead ahead Blonde looks shell-shocked. By the time he looks up, Black is once again nose-deep in his book. And Blonde just holds his hand to his head, experiencing a sudden migraine.

SOMEBODY PUT A SEGMENT HERE!!!!!!! You asked for it, you got it. Before the XFL there was the WBF. And courtesy of YouTube, now you too can relive this classic McMoment. Ooh!

I have learned much on this fine day, this day of March the 12th. I have learned that it is only Tony and I who start early, we these torchbearers for a better future, a better way of writing, a better way of living. This isn't interesting because I just assumed everyone started a day or two early. I will retreat to my lab and analyze results. What about PPV matches, which are generally longer? Do you start day of the show or like one or two days before?

Into the Cucaracha Internacional locker room we go, tracking US Champion Todd Cortez's entry. And inside we find Nathaniel Black, bucking the OAOAST employment trend, proving his literacy by reading a book about the Kray twins. Which is shorthand for 'he's English'. Cortez walks around the seat Black's lounged in, setting down his US Title while eyeing the Brit. CORTEZ Another easy night, huh? Barely acknowledging his fellow CI member, Black scowls and turns the page. CORTEZ Don't worry, I know how you feel. BLACK Wha's that supposed to mean? CORTEZ You're bottom of the ladder now. Down goes the book. Probably not the best person to be interrupting, a guy reading a book about notorious gangsters. BLACK An' 'ow do you figure that, eh? CORTEZ Weren't you out there once, going toe to toe with Zack Malibu, giving him the fight of his life? The guy who's now holding the World Title? That was seven months ago. And what have you done since then exactly? You took the top guy in the company to his limit. That should have opened doors for you. Gave you opportunities. How many opportunites have you had this year? Looks like you've put a foot wrong somewhere. Question is, when? BLACK ... CORTEZ Anyway, enjoy your book. Todd strolls past Black and back out of the room, smirking slightly. The Brit goes back to his book, only to stop in mid-reach in thought. MARCH 26th CHARLOTTE NORTH CAROLINA ANGLEMANIA REMATCH NIGHT FEATURING THE LONG AWAITED RETURN OF CHICKS OVER DICKS AGAINST CHRISTIAN WRIGHT AND THEODORE MONEYMAKER PLUS MORE!

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... BARON WINDELLS FOR EXCEDRIN I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! The now legendary mixture of Real American Dick and Womanizer brings the audience to its feet to express their immense hatred for the arriving duo. BUFFER The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall…now making their way to ring they are the Angle Award winning couple of the year, representing the Deadly Alliance….MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA! Mister Dick, his baby oiled body totally exposed aside from the small piece of leather that are his booty hugging shorts, throws a cowboy hat into the middle of his golden shower of pyro. Behind him, Malyasia gets pleasured handfuls of his tight and shredded figure, purring as her fingers devour his smooth and delicious skin. COLE This match just signed because- COACH Ol eight ball in a corner pocket ass niggas with they taco bell beef burrito border hoping salsa and chips Beverly hills chiuhaha education didn’t learn to keep they hands to themselves, and they had the never to lay hands on Mister Dick’s power tool. That’s like taking a leak on the Washington monument, or taking a few inches off Lucius Soul’s fro. You don’t do that! COLE Mister Dick should’ve known better than to sexualy blackmail Krista. He’s lucky it only ended in humiliation and not castration. Mister Dick slides into the ring and proceeds to repulse referee Clem Buzzlefoxer by powerfully thrusting his crotch into the floor. The cracks of Malaysia’s whip against his back only turn him on even more and he increases the ferocity of his humping. COLE This is a rematch of the Anderson Cup opener between these two squads and next week Mister Dick finally gets his hand on Congressmen Joel Duncan in a match I don’t think anyone can believe is going to happen! COACH Old man talked reckless. Just because you lived a long life don’t mean you can’t meet a quick end. With Womanizer faded away "It's Raining Men" comes to the forefront BUFFER And their opponents! At a total combined weight of three hundred and fourty pounds from sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexist team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!! The Texas crowd gives a nice sized pop for their south of the border counterparts, Los Diablos. In return, Los Diablos swivel their hips and shake their groove things to the fans delight! COLE Los Diablos just love to have fun, and I think that prank with Krista is just them having fun. COACH Its just them having rape! Is rape fun? Are you trynna sit up here and tell me that rape is an enjoyable activity for children of all ages? Is rape fun for the whole family? Does rape bring you any closer to the lord? Rape is wrong, there ain’t nothing right about rape unless its prison rape and then its kind of funny. This wasn’t prison rape. COLE Mister Dick wanted it! COACH Is that what Little Timmy said to you? Is that what he said through tears and calling for mommy? In the middle of their entrance, Mariachi and Moracca hop on the apron and simultaneously remove their ponchos to loud (!) male shrieks, only to be savagely attacked from behind. Mister Dick leads the charge with Malaysia at his side and they brutally pound on the luchadores. They lead them to the inside, where they rip away their custom designed poncho’s and suffocate them with brutal chokes. “You likin this, baby?” Mister Dick asks. “I love it! I wanna see them bleed, baby. Make them bleed for me!” Mister Dick believes he can make that happen and attempts to grant Malaysia her wish by throwing Mariachi into the ring posts. But the luchadore sneaks out of his own poncho and stuns Mister Dick with a dropkick that sends him tumbling over the ropes. The fans holler with delight as the studly Texan comes down on the ring mats. Malaysia quickly follows him, and upon reaching him does her best to console him. “PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK” the fans chant, undoing Malaysia’s consolation efforts. After a brief moment to strategize, which was really just Mister Dick saying “kill the Mexican one” the Angle Award winning couple slide back into the squared circle. But the beloved homosexuals take them for a dizzing ride with stero spinning headscissors takedowns. The moment the leather clad duo hit the ground, Los Diablos celebrate by grinding their booties against each other! “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Malaysia and Mister Dick get to their feet rather quickly, but find a flurry of elbows unleashed into their faces. Both wrestlers are then grabbed and whipped onto the ropes, Malaysia manages to hook onto the top cable to prevent her return. Mister Dick is not so lucky, and is nailed by a double back drop! Angered over the flooring off her man Malaysia rushes forward. But she’s caught into roll up by Mariachi! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Malaysia is brought up by an arm wringer and dragged to the corner, where Moracca his positioned himself. A tag is made with Mariachi, allowing the luchadore to climb to the top rope. He angles his fist and comes off with a double axe handle smash. But Malaysia glides out the way and his life partner is caught square between the eyes. “Now, my pet, you’re at my mercy” Malaysia hisses as Mariachi rolls out the ring. Moracca makes the face, knowing that Malaysia is not the kindest pet owner in the world. She proves his theory by clobbering him with forearms that push him across the ring. Once he reaches a neutral corner, she batters him with stomps to his midsection. After the third stomp connects she takes hold of Moracca and throws him to an opposite corner. His back smashing into the ring posts, he’s propelled forward and Malaysia inflicts him with great pain by driving him down with a sitff kick! “I’m gonna tag out now, but you won’t misbehave while I’m gone, will you, my little slut?” Malaysia giggles to herself and applies the tag with Mister Dick. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Mariachi feigns stepping into the ring, drawing MD towards him, And giving Moracca the opening he needs to sink his teeth in Mister Dick’s juicy rump! “HELL NO!” Mister Dick proclaims and summons all his earthly might to rip his BUTT away from the hungering teeth of his foe. Moracca stays with him however, and, but the Human Hard On, sending Moracca into the ropes instead! MD leapfrogs as Moracca rebound. And sadly comes down with his pork n beans right inside Moracca’s waiting hands! COACH Damn, haven’t ya’ll fruits done enough to this man? “YOU AIN’T GONNA DO THIS TO ME!” Mister Dick shouts and then violently shoves the luchadore away. This draws the anger of Mariachi, and soon The Human Hard On has two luchadores taking their turns in beating and molesting him. Mister Dick finally puts an end to their annoying behavior by slamming their heads together with a double-noggin knocker! Mariachi falls back down to the canvas and rolls out of the ring as The Human Hard On grabs Moracca by the back of the head and leads him towards his corner, ramming him face-first into the top turnbuckle before making the tag to his partner with a kiss on the lips. Malaysia over the top rope to enter the ring and help Mister Dick whip Moracca into the ropes, lifting him off the canvas as he rebounds with a double hiptoss! Malaysia and Mister Dick then step forward and send the flamboyant star over the ropes with a double lariat! “And stay the hell the away from me, you pole smoker!” Mister Dick shouts after him. “Oooooh baby, keep talking dirty like that!” Malaysia moans. Mariachi runs into the ring, trying to turn the tables on his opponents, only to walk into a double back-body drop! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The Angle Award winning couple deliver a double lariat to Mariachi that sends him over the top rope and crashing into his partner outside the ring! COLE Folks, Malaysia and Mister Dick are cooking, and we’ll be back with more HeldDOWN after this! COMMERCIAL Returning from break, we find Mister Dick and Moracca engage in a collar-and-elbow tie-up, which Moracca controls with a kneelift to the midsection! Moracca hammers Mister Dick’s upper back with a few clubbing forearm shots, and then tilts his head up, snapping Mister Dick’s head back with a few jabs…The simple knee strike has Mister Dick wincing in pain, and gives Mariachi the time he needs to dart towards the ropes. But as he returns, Mister Dick is well recovered and he upends his annoying rival with a beautiful dropkick! A knee drop follows and Mister Dicks hooks the outside leg for a pinfall... ONE! But Mariachi breaks up by slapping Mister Dick's ass! Perhaps understandably, Mister Dick decides to go after Mariachi for his BUTT touching behavoir. However he can't lay a single hand on his foe beofore Moracaa grabs him into a roll up!
 ONE! TWO! Mister Dick kicks out, and angered by the shock pin, he kips up ready to hurt. His muscular arm flashes forward, trying to catch his foe. But Moracca ducks bellow the attack and quickly spins behind MD. He leaps onto his broad shoulders and in a flash bowls him over with a victory roll! Instead of being pinned Mister Dick stumbles upwards, dazed and dizzied by the attack. This is to his disadvantage as Moracca brings him to the canvas with a running BUTT bump! After a bit of hip swiviling, he applies the tag with Mariachi. Into the ring, Mariachi grabs Mister Dick into a front facelock. A welcome handful of shorty short tights allow the luchadore to raise him upright with a vertical suplex. But at the height of the hold, Mister Dick uses his knees to pound his way out the move. Back on the ground he hammers his forearms into Mariachi's face. With his foe stunned, he backs into the ropes and then returns to strike the luchadore with a raised knee! COLE A powerful move from The Human Hard On, who may not have many more of those after tonight. COACH Low class, man, low class. Mister Dick pummels away at Mariachi with his sparkling white cowboy boots, before finally dropping an elbow into his foe's neck. While Mariachi clutches his sore throat and gasp for air, Mister Dick plants a liplock on Malaysia to "tag" her into the contest. "BOOOOOOOOO!" Ignoring the disdain of the fans, Malaysia steps over the ropes and charges at Mariachi. The luchadore tries to impede her assault by leaping forward into a thez press. But Malaysia's powerful arms wrap around his small body and then drive him downwards with an inverted atomic drop. The horrible screams of pain bring a smile to Malaysia's face, and she's even more sexually thrilled to to leave him lying with a spinning back fist. With his vision blurred by such a violent attack, Mariachi can hardly see the dominatrix take her legs within her hands. Seconds later he's thrown into the ring posts near his corner with a sling shot. Though the pain of the throw hurts mightily, Mariachi is at least able to make the tag with Moracca. That, however, does not stop Malaysia from punishing him with a devestating leaping body splash! COACH Man, didn't these fools learn their lesson in the Anderson Cup? Why you wanna keep pushing these two? Forgot Mister OAOAST, them fools is about to be mister intensive care. As Mariachi rolls out the ring, Moracca climbs onto the top rope. He quickly leaves his perch, coming down on Malaysia with a lariat! Though she ducks the attack, Moracca corrects his course quickly enough to roll forward to avoid an awful landing. Unfrotunatley as he pops back up Malaysia is within inches and causes him immesurable suffering with a shoulder tackle. She watches the luchadore squirm on the canvas with pleasured eyes, and continues fufilling her erotic needs by dropping a leg across his neck. A pinfall follows... ONE! TWO! Moracca throws his shoulder off the canvas, avoiding sure defeat. Giggling over the thought of being able to inflict more anguish, Malaysia takes hold of Moracca's mask and drags him upright. After pelting him with two closed fists, Malaysia hurls him across the ring with a rough Irish whip. The luvhadore comes back into a belly to belly suplex! But he somehow lands on his feet, scoring an appreciative cheer in the process. While the onlookers may be delighted, sour Malaysia is anything but! He catches an incoming flying forearm from Mora, and tries his damnedest to break the luchadore in half with a powerful urange into a backbreaker! But as soon as he's put in front of Malaysia's body, the Mexican wraps his legs around Malaysia's torso, then her down to the canvas with a roll up! ONE! TWO! Screaming with a raw, passionate ranger, Malaysia shoots her shoulder off the canvas. She jumps up and throws a hard strike at Mariacdhi. But the speedster avoids the move and spins behind Malaysia into a waistlock. He then throws the dominatrix backwards with a german suplex! Just as Malaysia hits the floor, he's rolling her backupright in hopes of hitting a second attack. But Malaysia snaps a nasty elbow to the side of his cranium and immedatley that brings an end to his suplex attempts.Malaysia readjusts herself and throws a big boot the moment she's free. Moraca can't manage the speed needed to avoid her attack and finds himself mashed to the beige canvas! COLE Ooooh, just look at that power from Malaysia. I haven't seen anything of the sort from a woman? COACH You ain't seen much of anything from a woman peroid, son. Ha! COLE You're a simple man, entertained by simple things Malaysia starts to lift Moracca off the canvas, and quickly finds her boot didn't do nearly the amount of the damage she thought it would as Moracca starts winging boisterous punches deep into Malaysia' ribs! The Mexican makes a valiant attempt to strike back, but Moracca hits often enough to keep Malaysia off balance. He pulls himself upright, then uses his speed advantage to swing behind his powerful rival and secure a waistlock. More German suplexes? Not if Malaysia has anything to say about it. A succession of elbows breaks the hold and snuffs out all hope of a German suplex. Malaysia spins around, intending on hammering Moracca with a sadistic forearm smash. But that never materializes, as Moraccain speedily crooks his head between Malaysia's unattacking arm and floats her over with a Northern lights suplex! Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer hits the mat to count the pinning situation! ONE! TWO! Malaysia rips her shoulder off the canvas and quickly gets to her feet. Moracca meets her with a pair of knife edge chops, but they do little damage to the brawny beauty and she slams her knee into Moracca's midsection. Her arm goes around Moracca's neck and she drives him down into the canvas with a brutal DDT! Pleased by her assault, she wears an almost orgasmic smile as she sliters to her corner and licks Mister Dick up his inner thigh to tag her into the match. "PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK!" the fans chant to orders for silence from Mister Dick. While MD deals with a very annoying audience, Moracca bounds off the ropes attempting to catch him by surprise. But this fails miserably as MD rips his attention away from the fans to catch the luchadore with a twisting spine buster! COLE Mister Dick may be the best pure athlete in the OAOAST and he certainly hits like it! Mariachi finds this out 1st hand as Mister Dick shocks both he and the audience by running forward and stiff kicking him off the ring apron! The luchadore has an awful landing, as his head crashes into the steel guardrail to put him out of the match. "TOUCH MY SHIT AGAIN, BOY! I DARE YA!" Mister Dick shouts through a face that smiles proudly. He then turns his attention towards attention to Moracca only to find the luchadore descending on him with a cross body block! But Mister Dick quickly adjusts to his arrival and with remarkable ease! Moracca tries his hardest to fight out the hold but there's nothing he can do and MD swings him around to crush him with the infamous Pure Penetration! "BOOOOOOOOO!" COLE That hold has finished off so many superstars, and could Los Diablos be the next. Mister Dicks drapes an arm across Moracca for a very casual pinfall.... ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING BUFFER Your winners....MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA! Drunk off the joy of beating his vexatious rivals, Mister Dick takes Malaysia into his arms and tangles his tongue around her’s for a sensual kiss. COACH A lesson learnt for Los Diablos. Shouldn't even had to learn it in the first place, that was the foulest shit I done ever seen! Its like you think you sittin down to get served by Beyonce and you end up getting your meat beat by John Goodman! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE ZACK MALIBU VS RICO DE JANERIO TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

TAPED MONDAY LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA MORGAN NERDLY AND JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN Find themselves inside the super modern, highly chic Bebe on Rodeo Drive The girls are engaged in a bit of a shopping spree with Jade doing the most collecting of clothes, and Morgan happy to just tag along. JADE You never went to a dance in highschool? Really? Didn’t you ever go with a boyfriend or something? MORGAN My parents wouldn’t let me date, they said it wouldn’t be good for my mental state. Jade pauses her scanning of the accessories section, to curse herself for prying. MORGAN You don’t have to feel guilty or anything, its not your fault. I kept busy with my investigating and being in and out of court. Jade is silent, wondering if Morgan means as a defendant, a plantif or as a witness. JADE You’ve actually been to court? Really? MORGAN Not as like a lawyer or anything, but as a junior miss Investigator Nerdly, that everyone calls me, yeah I’ve been in to testify a whole lot of times or sometimes only to file papers. Jade nods, as she paws through a nearby shirt rack. JADE Is it kind of really intense like Law and Order? Objection! Overruled! You’re out of order! No you’re out of order, the whole damn systems out of order! Like that? Morgan snickers and grabs a seat on a low chair near the window. MORGAN You have way too much faith in dramatics of the North American legal system. Its more stupid than excting. There was one time in federal court and I’m line waiting to file papers. Out the corner of my eye an old lady and a man in a wheel chair seem to be racing to get to the line. The guy in the wheel chair wins I guess, but it doesn’t stop there. “Fuckin Cripples” Old lady mumbles. Jade pauses from admiring a long strapless black dress to give Morgan a look of shock. JADE What? She did not! MORGAN Yeah, that’s what the wheelchair guy said. She didn’t say sorry or anything, just “only cause you roll your ass in here don’t mean you get special privileges, big wheels.“ Morgan nods to a pale pink dress she thinks might look good on Jade, as her new friend tries to process this odd story. JADE She called him big wheels? Who does that? MORGAN He kept his cool, amazingly. He just rather plainly stated “I got here first I have stuff to file just like you.” The old lady gets even madder and shouts for everyone to hear “I bet if I rolled your ass down a flight of stairs you wouldn’t be in my way.” Jade eyes down a bright pink leather belt in the distance. JADE Oh my god. What is wrong with these people? MORGAN The wheelchair guy actually looks like he’s about to get out his chair, “I wish you would touch this, bitch, just my legs don’t move don’t my arms can’t, I will knock your old crazy ass out!” I guess at this point the clerks realized something is seriously wrong and called up the marshals. These are the oldest marshals I’ve ever seen in the building. The old woman gets a look at that them and shouts “I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL” and stumbles out. The wheel chair guy looks at her walking away and says “I was about five seconds from leaving skidmarks on her ass!” JADE That is hilarious! MORGAN I didn’t even remember what I was there for after that. When I got up to the counter I was just “Uh….um…uh…” My mind totally blanked by how horrifying that was. JADE You’re a funny storyteller. You tell them well. Everytime I try and tell a story, things get progressively more confusing and confusing. MORGAN Thanks for taking me out shopping. I mean, you didn’t have to. JADE Are you kidding me? You’re the perfect person to go shopping with? Come on, you’ve got loads of style. And you’re a lot more fun as a shopping buddy than Melody. If I have to break up one more fight between her and some middle schooler over a Pokemon card I’m gonna flip out. MORGAN (nodding to the sales counter) You should get that scarf. Jade’s eyes brighten with amazement at a gorgeous green cashmere scarf waiting be taken home by whoever can spare a mere eighty dollars out their wallet. JADE You think so? It is pretty nice. It’s the kind of scarf that makes my eyes bluer, my hair looks blonder, My dress look more expensive, my shoes look fancier. Its like a black card in cashmere. MORGAN (pointing to the pale pink blouse) Try it on with that blouse. That’s a good match. JADE I should! That’d look so phenomenal, I’d almost feel guilty about it. MORGAN Go try it on! I wanna see what it looks like. JADE Okay, give me a few seconds. Thrilled with Morgan’s aid and the fact that the playdate is going so wonderfully, Jade quickly scurries off to the dressing room. As she passes a young man, with his friend, notices her. Their both two slick looking LA types. You know the kind. They look like me! One most wonder what they’re doing in Bebe cause there ain’t no men’s section! MAN Man now you can see the chick I was tellin you about.She’s thick as hell and fine. MAN 2 Oh? Where she at? MAN Look at her, look at her! I would smash the shit outta her man, no rubber! Jade peeks out the dressing room door, unaware of the conversation taking place. JADE One second, Morgan! MAN 2 DAMN! Man you wasn't lyin she would get it man early and often! Morgan doesn’t look at the men but the fury is plain on her face. MORGAN What the hell did you just say? These two characters don’t regard Morgan with much importance or see her as much of a threat, so it takes time for them to even respond to her. MAN Nothing to you. Morgan exhales sharply, perhaps giving the men time to chose their words more carefully. MORGAN No, really, what did you just say about my friend? I just wanna know, what you think about her. Still unaware of the things Morgan can do, the men grow even more aggressive and rude. MAN 2 We said we’d fuck the shit out of her without a condom. You want me to repeat that? Morgan closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose with her forefinger, doing her best to try and maintain her cool. MORGAN No thank you. I just want you to take it back so I don’t have to kill you. MAN I think she’s jealous, man. You’re not bad yourself, sweeite. You look pretty good. MAN 2 That’s just with her clothes on. I bet her ass looks like 9/11 a day later. It looks like 9/12 a tragedy. Fuck this bitch, man. I’m raw dogging her friend, this emo lookin bitch can cry in the corner. Your friend looks like a ho, walks like a ho, and I bet she fucks like a ho to! So what is you gonna do? Morgan’s eyes finally flash open, and inside them lies a storm of hatred waiting to be unleashed. MORGAN Aside from offering you a breath mint, I’m going to do this. ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Having heard the thud two bodies hitting the floor makes, Jade rushes out to see if Morgan has been harmed. JADE Morgan I….oh my god, what happened! Morgan doesn’t put her eyes on Jade, instead focusing them on her crippled victims. MORGAN I’m not sure, but they both fainted. It was very...... weird. Jade bends in for a closer inspection, not knowing what she can do, but knowing these men need immediate help. JADE But there are burn marks… MORGAN Like I said, they fainted. Poor guys. I guess I oughta call an ambulance for them. Morgan coldly walks away from the carnage she’s created, while Jade is left to look on in wonderment and fear

Much like last week, at the catering table is Megan Skye. Infact, much like any week. Just like last week Megan is filling up on cups of coffee and looking generally indifferent to it. Just like last week, she's interrupted in her menial task. But this week it's Todd Cortez who's spotted her and veered off from his path in order to pass by inconspicuously. CORTEZ On another coffee run? MEGAN Why, did you want something? CORTEZ You're better than this. You know that. Megan scowls at Todd. MEGAN Don't start with me Todd. Last thing person I need blowing smoke up my ass is you, especially when it comes to my managerial ability. You didn't seem so concerned with that when I was supposed to be your manager way back when. So, save it. CORTEZ That's what I miss about you most, that sunny exterior. MEGAN What do you really want Todd? CORTEZ What do you mean by that? MEGAN James told me something the other day. Something interesting. CORTEZ Let me guess... was it about Landon? Not amused, Megan folds her arms and stares at Todd. He MEGAN Look, I don't know what your deal is. I don't know if James is parranoid, or if he's right to be. Just wisen up already, okay Todd? Do the right thing and listen to Landon, everything will be so much easier that way. You're the US Champion now. Surely that tells you something? You've got talent. Don't waste it on some pointless grudge. James is already campaigning to get that belt off of you, keep it up and you won't be champion for much longer. Looking interested at what he's just heard, the last part anyway, Todd contemplates. CORTEZ That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks. Todd walks off, leaving Megan to wonder what he meant by that.

Backstage in the Deadly Alliance lockeroom, Mister Dick, attired in only white shorts and a blue tank top, reclines on a comfortable leather sofa thumbing through an issue of ESPN the magazine. A knock on the door distracts him from a no doubt biased against my nigga TO article in that awful magazine. MISTER DICK Bout time my pizza got here! Ya’ll think I can survive on my good looks and beer. Its not a pizza delivery boy who enters the room but, Krista Isadora Duncan. This surely shocks the deadliest of dicks. MISTER DICK Now, don’t this just beat all? Krista Isadora Duncan, queen of fitness comin’ to shoot the shit with Mister Dick Jock Mulligan. KRISTA Do you have a minute? Mister Dick chuckles at her unusually demure tone. MISTER DICK I got a lot more than sixty seconds for you, baby. KRISTA This…this isn’t easy for me to say. But…I need a favor. Now he chuckles over the absurd randomess over such a statement. MISTER DICK If that ain’t stranger than a two headed goat, I don’t know what is. You need a favor from me? KRISTA I don’t expect you to say yes right away, but I need you to call off the match with my dad. MISTER DICK You want me to do what? Mister Dick glares at her, his expression stiff with skepticism. KRISTA None of this is about our parents. This is a you and me thing….just leave everyone else out of it. MISTER DICK Damn right it’s a you and me thing, and you and I are everything and everyone we care about. No one with the Duncan name is safe, no one with your blood can sleep easy as long you got any love in you for them. Your whole family has gotta live their life in fear as long as I’m around. I’m playin’ this to win, and if I gotta kill to win… Her hands go up to stop him and her face is fraught with worry. KRISTA When will it stop? How low are you going to sink? MISTER DICK I can’t touch Maya, if that’s what got yer panties all up in a bunch. I wouldn’t dare hurt a hair on a child’s little head. But, Jade, boy she is in uncomfortable spot. You think you can protect her? You think Bohemoth and Leon would help you? They’re like me, we’re one of the same, we don’t care about nothing but ourselves. That’s what you ain’t never understood about our world, you got your girlfriend, your baby daddy, your little daughters on the show cause you care about family. We wrestlers, we don’t. We’re on the road 200 something days of the year, by ourselves, lookin’ out for ourseleves, only carin’ about ourselves. You may be a better person than all of us, but you’re damn sure a weaker one. You can’t protect Jade all the time, you can’t even protect yo grown up daddy. Ain’t nothing gonna happen to me. Company won’t punish me, they didn’t do nothing to Reject when he was runnin around makin life hard for these ladies. You can’t do nothing to me, ‘cause if you could you wouldn’t be in here grovling like a doggy to me. I can hurt your daughter. One crack to the back of the skull. Put her down with a concussion. KRISTA Don’t you dare lay a hand on her. MISTER DICK Or what? You gonna do a little skit makin’ fun of my accent? You gonna compare my matches to some lame movie out there? I don’t much care what you say. I got skin as thick as steel, I’m comfortable in my own. Your words don’t do nothing to me. I got control here. KRISTA I don’t understand. I could troll through every sex offender list in Texas and find one of your family members to threaten with a well deserved castration. But have I done that? Have I uttered word one about anyone you know? MISTER DICK That’s cause you ain’t got the instinct like I do! You ain’t a true dyed in the wool cold blooded kinda monster. This ain’t yer red carpet, or your interviews with Oprah or yer fashion shows. This is hell we’re in, woman. We are in the very pits of hell, burnin alive! In those pits of hell you go to war, you chose to go to war with me and now you done pay price. KRISTA I didn’t chose to go to war with you. You apparently woke up one Semptember morning and said “Gee, you know what would be an absolute blast, making Krista’s life a horrid hell for the next seven months!” I had never said a single solitary word about you, until one day you came out and challenged me for my money in the bank contract. MISTR DICK I declared war and you defended yourself, that means you engaged in battle that means you are at war with me, rather you like it or not. You ain’t built for this. We done see you usually clowning on guys, beating ‘em all up. But why is that? Its ‘cause they all in awe of you. Even Theodore Moneymaker, your worst enemy,is just is giddy as a pig in shit to be feuding with a bonafide celebrity. I ain’t impressed. What you do outside the OAOAST don’t make a lick of difference to me. You just another bitch I gotta deal with. Too bad for you, yer family gotta get dealt with to. KRISTA Don’t do this. MISTER DICK You’re real attractive when you beg, you know that. Real attractive. KRISTA I’ll give you money. MISTER DICK I don’t want none of yer cash. This is bigger than money. KRISTA Do you want me to quit? Fine, will that solve things? I quit, I’m done. Does that make you happy? MISTER DICK I can’t let you quit, how am I gonna explain to Lindsay’s sad face she didn’t get the chance to watch me Cock Block you on the biggest show of the year? KRISTA There has to be a way. Growing up in a political family you learn one thing very early. Everything is negotiable. MISTER DICK Woman, that’s one point we can agree on. KRISTA Even if I was a mind reader, I’d need glasses with telescopic zoom to read one as small as yours. Just tell me what do you want? MISTER DICK You know exactly what I want. Exactly. KRISTA No way, you must have taken several magic carpet rides to planet crazy to think I’m doing that. MISTER DICK You ain’t in no spot to negotiate. In a weeks time daddy’s blood goona be spilled all over that ring. His grand daughters is gonna watch that happen, and you gonna have to live knowing you could’ve stopped it. Swallow yer pride and grab hold of mine and we won’t have no troubles. KRISTA That’s it? That’s what’s you want? MISTER DICK I’m a simple kind of man. KRISTA Can you at least close your eyes? I don’t need your eyes burning into my soul along with my intense feelings of guilt. MISTER DICK What ever puts you to sleep easier, baby. Mister Dick makes loud hisses, like a serpent striking for its prey as he feels her warm touch. There are fingers stroking him, exerting little pleasure tickles that have him sucking in air. The left hand rubbing its hands up his well muscled chest. MISTER DICK Damn, woman, its like you got four hands or something! KRISTA Maybe you should go ahead and open your eyes. Mister Dick does just that and sees…LOS DIABLOS with their hands on his lethal weapon! MISTER DICK KRISTA MISTER DICK No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! You damn bastards! You damn ugly homos! MORACCA We’re not homos we’re homies! MARIACHI Smile! MORACCA Before Mister Dick can resume his ranting, Krista sends him tumbling over his own sofa with a thunderous superkick! KRISTA Mister Dick, honey, you can bemoan that you were tricked into being masturbated by strange, fat luchadores fresh out of Elton John’s delirious nightmares, but that’s such a negative way to approach it. Let’s see the positive in life. Your father was a crack dealer, and he served eight balls to toothless hookers, which meant he wasn’t around to teach you one very important life lesson “Krista Isadora Duncan is a dangerous woman” Honey, magic just happened, because I think you learned that lesson here today. Give yourself a gold star right on your cheek. GPX they didn’t realize how dangerous I was until the their Thursday routine suddenly became selling Mangos out a 99 Ford Escort on the exit ramp. The South Central Militia? Oh, honey, they had these strange things called goals and aspirations before they met me. Now they have these things called, mops, and buckets, and custodial maintaince positions. And you thought your greatest gift would be the 15$ Applebees gift card the company gave you instead of a holiday bonus? I just gave you the gift of a second chance. Honey, you have a second chance to do the right thing and forget about all this business with Lindsay, and my father, and wrestling at Anglemania, and instead just go on about your merry little Billy Ray Cyrus way, and I get a chance not to have to explain to my hair stylist why’s she’s combing your blood and entrails out my hair. I think that works for everyone. Think about it. COMMERCIAL

Hey, you used to tell me the weekends were your off days! You said it was like your work week, weekends time relax, weekdays time to get to work. To answer my own question I have to start matches days before shows. There's no way I could do a match the day of the show, it'd take a week for me to get finished. I just get bored writing wrestling matches for a long block of time. Squash matches (3-5) pages no problem. Interview segments/promos it depends on what character. I can write Morgan or Jade in a matter of minutes. Sometimes I've done them while posting the show! Melody's pretty easy also. I can usually nail the dialogue part really quickly, and then leave the descriptions etc for a later date. Syndicates take longer than promos, even though they're only summaries. Lately I've been able to roll those out super quick. Like Tony used to I don't do no writing on the weekend unless its a PPV week. The only thing I do on weekends is maybe feedback. I've actually started feedback for every show I've posted, I just never get around to finishing it. I don't ever check out on things OAOAST related. I am the president, god damn it, and I uphold standards! If only my vice president followed my heroic and laudable lead

You think right, my self motivated friend!

Show comes from Big D, Dallas, Texas home of the NBA all star game which I didn't watch because ASG are some dumbass kiddie bullshit anyway. Unless someone bust their gun on ASG weekend, then its a real ass event.