Patty O'Green

You'd make sure I have at least 3 matches per show. See you say you like Patty, but actions speak louder than words and I guess you don't love me enough to even write a 3 paragraph squash match.

Tony wrote a match! Tony has thrown me a lifeline, because Tony loves me.

We go up to the ring, to find Cuban Wall on his way slowly up the ring steps. COLE What is this now? I don't have Cuban Wall on my schedule tonight. COACH We have schedules!? COLE You used your's as a napkin when the corndogs came. I tried to warn you, bu... oh, wait, Wall's about to speak. WALL I got something to get off my chest, so I suggest you all shut the hell up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" WALL All I hear lately is "Bohemoth this, Bohemoth that". And I'm sick and damn tired of it. So he won the Lethal Rumble? So what? I won the Rumble last year. And what did I get for it, huh? Did I get your respect? Were people talking about me all the time? No. Did I get some fancy interview in the ring with Michael Cole like Bohemoth did? No. COACH Yeah, what's up with that dawg? COLE Don't look at me! WALL Hell, I didn't even get my shot at the World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania. Yet Bohemoth wins the Rumble and they've done everything short of giving the guy a damn parade. And I'm sick of it. I've beaten Bohemoth before and I could beat him again, just like *snaps fingers* that! And as far as World Champion goes, all I've got to say about hi... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Wuh-oh! Wall's head slowly turns to the entrance way, where the Number One Contender has apparantly heard enough and is marching to the ring! Not suited as he usually is, but in jeans and a dress shirt. Oh, and the orange-tinted sunglasses of course. Bo jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, marching right past Wall to grab himself a microphone. With a scowl on his face, Wall stands his ground and the two bigmen go nose to nose. COLE We've got a staredown right here! And I think it's only going to get more physical from here! With the two big bulls locking eyes, Bo raises the microphone. BOHEMOTH PROVE IT! Throwing down the microphone, Bohemoth takes a step back and pulls off his dress shirt (to screams from the crowd, of course) and waves Wall on! COLE Wall said he could beat Bohemoth like that, it looks like he's going to get his chance right here! "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Still scowling, Wall glares right at the number one contender as he adjusts his gloves. WALL You just made the biggest mistake of your life, pal. Cause I'm gonna make sure you don't make it to AngleMania either. Down goes Wall's microphone, dropping into his fighting stance! COLE Oh, here we go! Here we go! Both putting up guards, Bo and Wall size each other up for a few seconds... before the number one contender suddenly bulls forward, tackling Wall off his feet and back into a corner, to a cheer from the crowd! Bohemoth quickly straightens up and unloads with overhand rights across the head of Wall, who tries to fight him off from underneath with bodyshots. In this time, referee Charles Robinson runs out from the back and calls for the bell to make the match official! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And there's the bell, this war is underway! COACH Not that these guys needed a referee to fight. Wall manages to push Bohemoth away, far enough to give himself some room to manoeuvre. Bo tries to move right back in but a meaty right hand cuts him off. Following after him, Wall lands another right on Bohemoth, then a couple of bodyshots, before a headbutt to the ear rocks him. The Cuban quickly dumps Bohemoth through the ropes and decides to take the fight to the floor. COLE Well this didn't start as a wrestling match and it hasn't resembled much of one yet. Coming up from behind, Wall grabs a hold of Bohemoth... *THUD!* ...and bounces his head off of the steel steps! COLE Ooh! Wall picks Bohemoth back up and turns him around, sending him into the ring apron this time. Staggered, Bohemoth rounds the ring in an effort to clear his head. But Wall catches up to him with a hard right hand to the back of the head, then throws him into the ring again. "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" Rolling back into the ring Wall puts up his dukes, waiting for Bo to get back up. He lands with another hard right, then goes back to the ribs with a bodyshot. Leant up against the ropes, Bohemoth is whipped across the ring and Wall throws his boot up... but gets CAUGHT! Able to stop himself Bohemoth catches the foot, throwing Wall off balance before dropping him with a clothesline! COLE What a clothesline, not often you see Wall being knocked off his feet after one attack but then again, there's not many people who match Wall for size and power like Bohemoth. Backed in a corner, Wall is worked over with a series of shoulder thrusts up against the turnbuckle before being whipped across the ring. Hitting the opposite corner, he's sandwiched with another clothesline. COACH There's even less people who can throw Wall around like that. Bohemoth comes off the ropes with Wall staggering out, leaving his feet with a shoulder tackle to knock the big Cuban down again! He follows with a cover... 1... 2... No! Bohemoth takes Wall by the hair and puts him face-first into the top turnbuckle. The Meterosexual Monster turns Wall around and goes to work with some right hands of his own, not quite as well-placed but every bit as hard hitting as his opponent's. COLE Cuban Wall and Bohemoth the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners doing battle in an impromptu match here on HeldDOWN~!, we are live in Chicago and we thank you again for joining us tonight. Taking hold of Wall's arm, Bohemoth whips him corner to corner again. But this time his charge faulters, running right into Cuban Wall's raised boot! COLE You might say Bohemoth just ran into a brick Wall! COACH Or you could say he ran into his foot and stop reaching for lame ass puns that nobody'll laugh at anyway. Shaking off the effects of the boot Bohemoth turns around, only to find himself grasped around the throat! Wall grasps onto the jeans of his opponent and surprises everyone by driving Bohemoth into the mat with a CHOKESLAM!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH THERE'S some power! COLE Huge chokeslam, that could do it right here! The 2009 Rumble winner, in danger of losing to the 2008 winner! Wall hooks a leg and covers... 1... 2... NO! Glaring at the referee, Wall gets to his feet and stalks Robinson for a bit. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Cuban Wall stomps Bo in the head as he tries to sit up, continuing to put the boots to him until the referee bravely steps back in to reprimand him. With another glare to the ref Wall picks Bohemoth back up. He measures the number one contender, then pops him with a big right hand. And another. COLE This would be a major coup for Cuban Wall, if he could beat Bohemoth here tonight, the man with a guaranteed main-event spot at AngleMania VIII. It could go some way to getting him back into the World Title picture. COACH It'd make a statement. And Cuban Wall's all about making statements, the more physical the better. Hooking Bohemoth up, Wall exhibits his power again by taking Bo up for a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Back to his feet Bohemoth rests against the turnbuckles, catching Wall approaching with a boot to the gut. Wall shrugs it off though, then starts blatantly choking Bo in the corner! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Breaking the choke, Wall answers the count, but then lays into Bohemoth with a sucker punch to further agitate the referee. COLE This has been as much a street fight as a wrestling match, these two heavy hitters battling it out in their street clothes. COACH Thanks for the fashion update, queer eye. Once the referee's done warning him Wall pulls Bohemoth out of the corner. After a boot to the gut, he comes off the ropes and SLAMS his boot into the side of Bo's head! Bohemoth stays up somehow, but a clothesline changes that and Wall looks for the cover... 1... 2... NO! Slowly picking Bohemoth back up, Wall begins to set him for a Double Arm DDT. As soon as he hooks one arm though, Bohemoth comes to life and barges Wall back into the turnbuckles! COLE And back comes The Meterosexual Monster! Wall hits the buckles hard and has the wind further knocked out of him by some shoulder barges, as the Chicago crowd roar Bohemoth on. After a fourth charge he stands up and punches Wall, then looks for an irish whip. Wall reverses the whip though, then crushes Bohemoth with an Avalanche in the corner! COACH You might say Bohemoth just hit the Wall! COLE I... hate you. So very much. With a cocky smirk on his face Wall draws Bohemoth out of the corner, then puts all he has behind muscling the bigman up and over his shoulder looking for a powerslam. However, he puts a little too much in, allowing Bohemoth to slip down the back to his feet. Wall turns around, but not quickly enough to prevent a huge clothesline, knocking him off his feet! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Both men are down after that and referee Robinson puts a count on them. COLE What a battle we're seeing here. Two of the biggest and baddest in the OAOAST going at it, the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners. One on course for the AngleMania main-event, one who didn't even get the chance to cash in. COACH Thanks to PRL. COLE Thanks to Stephen Joseph Popick putting it on the line. And Spanish Fly, who lost it for him. Besides, Cuban Wall got his title shot eventually and he lost fair and square. COACH Yeah, but that's different and you know it. At the count of six both men are back to their feet. Bohemoth strikes first with a boot to the gut and pulls Wall in, setting him up for a powerbomb. Not having any of that, Wall quickly pushes Bo away, then catches him as he rebounds back off the ropes, with a big hand around the throat! Wall gives the signal for another Chokeslam. But Bohemoth fights out with a couple of boots to the gut, then hooks Wall up with a vertical suplex! COLE Up and down goes the big Wall, he's not used to that I don't imagine. Wall picks himself up in the corner and gets sandwiched with a big clothesline. Punches then rain in, forcing him down into a seated position against the bottom turnbuckle. Bohemoth quickly hits the ropes and smashes him with the FACEWASH!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Flat of the boot, right to the SKULL~! Dragging Wall out, Bohemoth hooks up a leg... 1... 2... NO! Bohemoth picks Wall back up, smashing him with a couple of right hands before attempting an irish whip. A reversal by Wall sets Bohemoth up for a BIG BOOT~! though! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH There's a receipt. COLE The boot from Wall this time, will that be all? Cover by Wall... 1... 2... NO! COACH Uh-oh, Wall looks pissed now. COLE When doesn't he!? Clenching the fists, Wall goes into hands of stone mode as he lays into Bohemoth repeatedly with body shots against the corner. He casts a warning glare at referee Robinson as he backs up, coming at Bohemoth with a big Avalanche! Looking a little bit happier now, he backs up again and delivers a second Avalanche! Bohemoth sinks in the corner as Wall holds up a finger, indicating he's got one more yet. And with another cursory glare to the referee, he charges... ...and finds NOBODY home! COLE Well went once to the wall... uhm, I mean once to the well... he missed, okay? Turning around, Wall gets scooped up and DRIVEN with a Front Spinebuster in a sudden show of power from the 2009 Lethal Rumble winner!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE SPINEBUSTER! COACH But can he get him up again, that's the question. Fired up Bohemoth marches around the ring with the fans on his feet. He comes to a stop, looking out into the Chicago crowd, who certainly believe he can do it. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! COLE The idea got the thumbs up, will Cuban Wall be getting the emphatic thumbs down though? Watching Wall back to his feet Bohemoth lays in a boot. With a handful of hair he holds Wall in place while he gets a deep breath, knowing the resulting lift is going to be no mean feat. But to the crowd's approval, he manages to get the 285 pounder up into his arms! Unable to carry him for long he doesn't waste time getting in position, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Erotic Awakening Of B!! On the Cuban Wall, what a show of power!! As the crowd go wild, Bo makes the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Bohemoth is ROLLING towards AngleMania!! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOO - HHHEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOTTHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Scaling the turnbuckles Bohemoth raises his arms in victory, a brief show of left-over intensity which soon wears off. As soon as he steps off the ropes he's completely calm, cool and collected again looking down at Cuban Wall. Bohemoth's hand is raised again to confirm the win by the referee. COLE And the question is, just who is going to stop The Meterosexual Monster? He won the Lethal Rumble, he just beat last year's winner in Cuban Wall... are we looking at the next OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? COACH Hey, I sure wouldn't bet against him. Even I've gotta admit, that was impressive. Bohemoth climbs out of the ring and calmly walks to the back, leaving Wall clutching his back in the ring. COLE Do you think Wall would like an in-ring interview still? COACH I know I'd like to see you try. I'd really like to see it infact. COLE Maybe something for next week. For now its good night, we'll see you next week for the Celtic Spectacular! COMMERCIAL

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Folks, we welcome you to the Windy City for another exciting episode of TV's top rated comedy drama, the OAOAST! We are a week away from the Celtic Spectacular and things are certainly getting tense around here. This show promises to be one of our hottest of the year. Right, Coach? COACH I'm thinkin about fuckin this bitch i know. She has an std though. COLE Why do this to me? COACH I think its curable, a teddy bear got health insurance, unlike most of ya'll bums. COLE Why can you not just do the introduction of the show like any other broadcaster would? COACH I'm the type of teddy bear to let it all hang out...I'll put my dick on the table like a crap shoot. That's real teddy bear talk right there, I play russian roullet with my dick. Microphones are promptly cut and we move atop the world famous interview stage where we find OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN After 7 weeks, 16 teams and 8 matches, we are now down to the final two. Live right here next week, the 2009 Anderson Cup Finals between Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright and their former associates the Beverly Hills Blonds. But it’s more than just the Anderson Cup and a shot at the One & Only World tag team championship on the line. As you’ll recall, Theodore Moneymaker claimed the BHB name is property of his Enterprise, and in an attempt to basically extort it from Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard he had V.I.C.E. repossess the Siclopse. Since then nothing has gone right for the Billon Dollar Heir. His prized Angle Awards have been destroyed and just last week shocked everyone by firing his personal security force. Then later that evening in an impromptu preview of next week’s Anderson Cup Finals, the Beverly Hills Blonds pinned Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright! BRANNIGAN Because of that incident Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have refused to participate in tonight’s pre-Anderson Cup Finals interview, a tradition that dates back years. However, the Beverly Hills Blonds are more than happy to oblige. Therefore would you please welcome… "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Surprised by the crowd’s reaction Tony looks at the entranceway and spots SPENCER REIGER headed his direction. BRANNIGAN Wait just a minute. Spencer Reiger, this isn’t your television time. SPENCER Listen, Gene… BRANNIGAN Tony. SPENCER Whatever. All you announcers are interchangeable, unlike “The One Man Triple Threat” because nobody else here has the looks, skills and charisma I do. And you can add U.S. title to that list next week after I jig out of Boston the new United States champion. Inspired by my victory the markets will soar the following morning, and in less than 24 hours I’d have turn the OAOAST and U.S. economy upside down…and both for the better so you can go ahead and thank me now. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SPENCER BRANNIGAN Well thank you for sharing that with us. Right now I’d like to welcome my real guests. The 2009 Los Infernales Conference Champions and Anderson Cup finalists, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" “Superstar” hits and the BHB scroll the red carpet towards Brannigan onstage. Reiger still there with hands on hips, a perplexed look on his face. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, as I mentioned in the intro, there’s more than just the Anderson Cup at stake next week at the Celtic Spectacular. NED Ya damn right there is, Brannigan, it’s personal. It’s only fitting Theodore Moneymaker stands in the way of another tag title shot. For the last couple years we helped advance his causes and got nothing in return. One title shot in two years? Ain’t that a bunch of bullshit! Sure the money was nice, but anybody worth their salt in this industry wants a gold belt around their waist. It’s been a good while since we last held championship gold… SIMON And the Siclopse. Let’s not forget about that. NED …but that’ll all end soon. SIMON Answer me this Tony: What man is the Anderson Cup named after? BRANNIGAN Arn Anderson. SIMON And what’s he best remembered for? BRANNIGAN Being the longtime enforcer of the Horsemen. SIMON The 4 Horsemen to be exact. And the Beverly Hills Blonds are looking for their record tying FOURTH tag title reign. Combine this with getting the match-up we were hoping for and you’ve got the stars aligning for the two biggest in the OAOAST. SPENCER NED You find something funny, pretty boy? SPENCER The idea you guys think you’re superstars, that’s what. I haven’t laughed that hard in, like, forever because you’re looking at the only true superstar in the OAOAST. The man cooler than the other side of the pillow and hotter than a wildfire. How ‘bout them big apples? SIMON More like crushed apples if you ask me. SPENCER The BHB sock New York’s Finest, knocking him off the podium. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Ah, that’s disgusting, Cole. What did Spencer do to deserve that? Nothing that’s what. COLE Yes he did. He opened his big mouth. COACH I’m not even gonna go there. Too easy. As “Superstar” cues THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT rush up from behind, but the BHB catch them red-handed. Forced to put on the brakes the senior Enterprise officials seek a peaceful end to the standoff. That is until V.I.C.E. ambush the BHB! COLE Wha--What’s going on here? I thought Moneymaker fired these damn bullies last week? COACH This is more confusing than the boardroom drama at TSM headquarters. Detective Bosley does a number on Ned with his TELESCOPIC BATON as CPA whips Simon against the interview stage and delivers a GIGATON PUNCH! The damage done they’re joined by INSPECTOR NERDLY who offers Theodore Moneymaker a smirk, and then a big hug. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE We’ve been duped! COACH And I couldn’t be happier. MONEYMAKER “FIRE RUSSO!” *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* “FIRE RUSSO!” *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* * TWHACK * * TWHACK * Bosley uses his baton to shut a few OAOAST Marks up critical of their return to the Enterprise (predictable as it was, or maybe it wasn't in some eyes, lol). Meanwhile, Theodore walks over to the fallen Blonds and prepares to have them kiss his diamond $ sign ring when darkness falls over the arena. The lights return and RAGDOLL is face to face with Theodore Moneymaker. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" MONEYMAKER Like a man who’s just seen a ghost, Theodore falls back and is dragged away by V.I.C.E. for his protection. COLE Theodore Moneymaker wants no part of Ragdoll. COACH Not when he sneaks up on you. Put them face to face and it’d be a whole different story. COLE They were face to face. It’s a good thing Moneymaker had dark pants on. Ragdoll stands tall as the E return backstage.

From the geek interviewer to the cool interviewer, we go to the much more attractive Maggie Nerdly. Apparently unconcerned that one of her sisters was about to electrocute the other, Maggie stands cheerfully with Mister Dick. Or as cheerful as anyone can be around someone as nauseating as Mister Dick. MAGGIE What’s up, everybody? Maggie Nerdly, “It” Girl on the scene chillin backstage with Mister Dick. By the way, Jock, nice outfit, next time where something with glitter. MISTER DICK Maggie Nerdly, you got a smart mouth on ya, and I do not like smart mouths on my women. I'd slap my own mama dead if she just dared to speak a cross word to me! A couple of people on the way to the building here tried to crack wise to me like you just did. They said if PRL is The Rock, I’m Billy Gunn and I’m gonna be puckering up to kiss that chicken wuss’ ass. In this life I have been crapped on just as much as anyone having to lug that piece of nothing Windells around, and listening to that monkeybrained whore sister of yers Melody for a year. But that comment just took the cake and ate it to! I didn’t leave PRL out cold and out the OAOAST just so that a few months later I could hear that kinda barkin from the OAOAST Morons! MAGGIE That’s Marks, man. Marks. MISTER DICK I left PRL like I left him, so the OAOAST could get back to normal. I tried to do ya’ll a favor. Instead of being chained by the balls to that peabrain still stuck in 1998, I tried to be like Lincoln and free the slaves! I didn’t have no army behind me, no muskets, no bayonets, no cannons. But I went out and I fought with all I had and I freed the OAOAST from being enslaved by this midget squeaky voiced uncreative sawed off Mexican! If I hadn’t done nothing, it was just a matter of time before the boy got his rematch against Rodez and won a belt he don’t got no business winning. But the whole world’s been lookin at me blue, like I shot at the president or something. I did ya’ll a favor, and ya’ll can’t appreciate that? Ya’ll are just as big a losers as PRL and there ain’t no reason in Hades why I shouldn’t beat yer asses inside out. Best believe that’s what I’m gonna do after I get done with PRL. I’m gonna march out into that audience into those stands and I’m gonna lay boots and throw hands on all of ya’ll! MAGGIE Boy that’ll sell tickets in a jiffy! MISTER DICK PRL, this is Mister Dick talking to ya, and if I done called you a phony, a fraud, a loser, and a nobody than damn it, son, that’s just what you are. Ain’t no changing that no matter what you do. You pulled one over on me a couple of times, boy, I ain’t gonna deny that. But when I get you in the ring one on one, I’m gonna run circles around you, son because you ain’t in my league. You’re playing checkers, and I’m playing Chess. After I lay you out and lay you down like I could lay your every female family member, you gonna wonder what the hell you were thinking. You’re gonna see the light, boy, you’re gonna realize that I ain’t Spanish Fly or Leon Rodez. This is the real deal, this is Mister Dick, and you ain’t got nothing that can stop me. MAGGIE I bet the special guest referee Krista Isadora Duncan might. Just because I like it when a man talks dirty, I’m gonna ask what do you have to say about her. MISTER DICK Vulgarity ain’t in my nature, Maggie. Today I only got good things for Krista. I ain’t got the fancy book learnin that Krista does. When I was at Texas A&M I was out havin a hog-killin good time with my boys, not sitting around learnin’ no Shakespeare like a damn virgin nerd cooped up in his dorm on a Friday night. But I do got some affinity for poetry. Yes I do. That don’t make me a wuss or nothing, that just makes a me well rounded man. I love a good, well written poem just as much as I love a good, well shaved, 18 year old, pus….well ya’ll know what I mean. In that spirit I went ahead and wrote a poem for ya’ll to enjoy, I dedicate it to Krista. I call it “I saw it in a vision”. MAGGIE Awww man! First I get someone who sings, now I get someone who reads poetry. I’d kill for an interview with the guy with tourettes right about now! MISTER DICK I saw it in a vision that yer car windows got smashed out, now you know I know where you be. I saw it in a vision me visiting your house. I saw it in a vision, me layin’ a sledge hammer to all your pretty fancy stuff. I saw it in a vision your littlest girl watching in the corner. I saw it in a vision her crying out for mommy. I saw it in a vision, where your daddy work at. I saw it in a vision, your daddy talking that mess about me. I saw it in a vision your daddy getting his head cracked. I saw it in a vision your daddy learn’ I ain’t the kinda cattle he wanna russle up. I saw it in a vision your daddy lying half dead in your arms. I saw it in a vision you saying your final good byes to dear ol daddy. MAGGIE Dang, man! You can’t threaten a US congressman, they’ll put the CIA on you. And Malaysia’s associated with you, they’ll come to our house, I don’t need that kinda heat! I’m snitchin the first chance I get. Call me a rat, I’ll be a rat not rotting in some ditch in Hati thank you. MISTER DICK You oughta do something about me, Krista, I’m a serious hazard to yer family’s health and well being. Mister Dick grins with lecherous intent into the camera as we fade out. COMMERCIAL CELTIC SPECTACULAR OAOAST WORLD TITLE LEON RODEZ VS ZACK MALIBU ANDERSON CUP FINAL: THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS Vs THE ENTERPRISE PRL VS MISTER DICK MORGAN NERDLY VS MOLLY NERDLY UNITED STATES TITLE: TODD CORTEZ VS TIM CASH VS SPENCER REIGER NEXT WEEK ONLY ON TSM!

COLE Right now let's throw it backstage where Josh Matthews is with the number one contender to the OAOAST World Title, Zack Malibu! After viewing the conversation earlier today between champion and challenger, we go to JOSH~!, who is standing by with the challenger for the Celtic Spectacular. JOSH Zack, the last time we saw you in the ring, it was surrounded by four walls of steel, as you and Theodore Moneymaker battled for the fate of the OAOAST at Anglepalooza. Now, one month later, the Celtic Spectacular, the first television special the OAOAST will air on PitTV, you challenge a man that you consider a friend. A former World Tag Team Championship partner, a member of your In Crowd, the OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez. We saw you two getting along quite nicely earlier today, but will that be the case when you have to compete with Leon next week? Is there such a thing as a friendly battle when the World Title is on the line? ZACK You know, Josh, it's going to be tough. I'll admit that I feel I'm going into this match the underdog, and I think even my most diehard supporters would tell you that Zack Malibu is at his best when his back is against the wall. I thrive on the pressures put forth by those who look to make a quick name for themselves at the sake of myself or the company. None of that is going on here. Truthfully, I was surprised that I'm getting this match, and before Moneymaker or any of my detractors go complaining that it's some type of In Crowd circle jerk, I'm going to stop you right there. Leon Rodez, the World Champion, is confident in his abilities that he sought to challenge me, despite the fact that he's the one holding all the cards right now. You saw that conversation from earlier today, where Leon brought up the last time we were in the ring together. That was a different time for both of us. Leon was just breaking out, and I wasn't having my best day. In fact, if you remember Josh, you and I went through some things during that era as well. That night, I told Leon it was his "Proving Ground", and I purposely stacked the odds against him so that he couldn't come close to reaching my level. Now here we are, four years later, and that same man is a former World Tag Team Champion with me, he's my best friend in the business, and he's the OAOAST World Champion. The Celtic Spectacular is where things come full circle. Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu will BOTH prove themselves, win or lose. Leon has proven himself to be a great champion for us, just as I have in the past. JOSH Do you think Zack Malibu will prove himself to be a great champion for us in the future? Zack snickers before responding. ZACK Everyone knows my story, Josh. And everyone knows the sacrifices put forth by everyone to establish that belt and this company as the best in the world. Leon Rodez is taking a brave step in challenging me to a match, because he knows what I'm capable, and truthfully that could be my downfall as much as it could be my saving grace. If there was ever a purely honest and even matchup in wrestling history, it's this one. Just then, ANGLESAULT comes over, patting Zack on the back and interrupting. ANGLESAULT Josh Matthews, this is Zack Malibu you're talking to here. This man IS the OAOAST, and he WILL be a champion again. Leon Rodez is on the roll of his life right now, but Zack's right...it's even steven all the way, and come the Celtic Spectacular, it's anyone's game. Now, no offense to Leon, as you've gotta love the guy and all he's done, but I've put my faith in Zack before, and I'm putting it in him again for the Celtic Spectacular, because I think that we'll see him take the belt home for a fourth time. Anglesault shakes Zack's hand, then finishes up. ZACK Josh, all I can say is that it could go either way, but there's still only going to be one ending to that night, and it's going to be with a handshake. Leon, you're my friend, you're my brother, but you have something that I miss dearly, and that I work hard for every time I step into that ring. I hope you're up to the challenge, old friend. Zack pats Josh on the back and walks off, while Anglesault does the same to Zack before following him off camera.

COLE Folks if you keep up with gossip websites and any good drag queen worth his salt sure does, you know there’s a bit of a feud brewing between our Krista Isadora Duncan and Lindsay Lohan. COACH You said “our” Krista. She gonnna kill you. COLE Well, at least I’ll get to watch this clip from E! News before I die! The spot for the hottest celebrity news, E! News with Gulianna Ranic flashes onto the screen. GULIANNA Krista Isadora Duncan may be celebrating the release of her newest book, 3 Words to change your life, but don’t expect Lindsay Lohan to come to the party. The starlet, the self professed biggest fan of Duncan, is still smarting over the snub from the 300th episode of TVs HeldDOWN. E! news spoke with Lohan outside of night club LAX. Gulianna don’t lie, Lindsay Lohan is in fact outside of LAX LINDSAY Its hurt me a lot as a person. She was someone that I looked up to, because she was smart, funny, and beautiful and did her own thing. I admired Krista, and she was one of my heroes. She never treated me like a child, she always spoke to me on her level. I thought we were friends, and friends invite friends to things that are important. Birthday parties, wedding, yeah the whole deal. I’ve reached out to her about why she didn’t invite me, but I get the run around for publicists and agents. I’m not a journalist calling for an interview, I’m a friend asking why you’ve forgotten about your friendship. She’s her own person and she can do whatever she wants, but she really should treat her friends better. If you’re just pretending and putting on an act, then okay, but tell me that. Don’t act like you support me and then turn around and be two faced. I’m not expecting her to be perfect, I’m just expecting her to be a friend. CUT TO GULIANNA GULIANNA The queen of fitness has been strangely mum about the whole ordeal, preferring to speak through her publicist. “Krista considers Miss Lohan to be a true friend, and is looking forward to talking with her and working out their issues at a later date.” GULIANNA We’ll keep you updated as more unfolds. COACH You know what's better than a catfight? A drunk catfight!

Still stuck to her television screen, Melody sits backstage in possession of a wide smile. Maybe her smile is due to her limited edition Wolverine PSP, or maybe its do to her Ryu themed Street Fighter IV arcade controller, or her Megman artbook. MELODY By the elder gods it is I Melody Nerdly coming to bring you tales of OAOAST No Homo for your PSP. I’ve taken a break from pwning of stupid fireball spamming N00bs on Street Fighter IV to do this, so I hope you all appreciate it. Most likely you’ve got No Homo on 360 or PS3 and most likely I’ve left you crying for WWF Warzone for PS ONE after I destroyed your ZOMGULTRAMEGA-UNSTOPABLE-CAW with Jivin Jr, now available on Xbox Live and the Playsation Network. But what happens when you want to take the OAOAST on the go? You can’t take your PS3 with you, it’s the size of Jumbo’s last kidney stone! If you have a PSP, then congratulations for not falling for Nintendo’s cheap flashy fanboy marketing schemes! Also now can you take No Homo wherever you may roam with OAOAST No Homo for the PSP. Everything you love about the big size version! Crammed down into this little disc and powered by awesomeness! We’re entering a kingdom of awesomeness with this one, people. How about we take a look at some profiles and some screens, put them together and we get the kingdom of awesomeness! The “kingdom of awesomeness” is put under threat by malicious invaders as Lorelei DeCenzo and Morgan Nerdly enter Melody’s makeshift arcade. Lori wears a sharp smile, one that’s clearly masking sinister intent. Morgan merely hangs behind Lori, hands shoved in pockets, head lowered in apathy. LORELEI Kingdom of awesomeness? Your way with words would make Webster himself weep for the butchery of the English language. Is this what it’s come to on HeldDOWN? We’re so desperate to fill up air time we roll out a socially inept half wit to show of her new toys. Mister Moneymaker is a big investor in the TSM network, he allows HeldDOWN to be on here as a gift. A very generous gift, mind you. He asks for nothing in return but for the conversation to be engaging and intelligent. You and your mindless games of course fail at both counts. MELODY Are you here to challenge me to a game of No Homo? We can’t play PSP, but I’ll pop in the PS3 one. I’ll even let you pick Krista so you can cheap me with humiliation moves, and hey I’ll spot you a few holds to. LORELEI God, you are dumb. As if I would waste my time with the useless nonsense you’ve devoted your miserable life to. I don’t want to play with you, because what I’ve come for isn’t any game. Morgan! MELODY Morgan? Do you want to play? MORGAN No one wants to play your stupid games, so just shut up. LORELEI Feisty! I like that. Melody, I don’t know if you know this or not because it took place in real life and not season mode in a video game, but Molly and Morgan will be competing at Celtic Spectacular. I should be happy, but I don’t know if Morgan is up for the job. Morgan grimaces painfully at this casually stated insult. MORGAN I am- LORELEI I wasn’t finished. I don’t see the killer I need, I just see a whiny teenage brat that’s going to get easily outsmarted by the more intelligent sister. I gave Morgan the assignment but I don’t trust her to finish it. MELODY Then do it yourself, and quit making people do your dirty work. LORELEI If I did that what would be the point of being the boss? Nope I have to trust those under me, and trust is earned not given. Morgan if you want my trust you will zap Melody. Shock erupts on Morgan’s face. Apparently she had no notice of Lori’s evil scheme. MORGAN You told me we were just here to scare her. LORELEI I changed my mind. Shock her. MELODY Wait! She’s already done this before, she’s shocked me. You were like two feet away, you saw the whole thing! LORELEI That was in a match. That doesn’t count, its only self defense. I want her to shock you for no other reason than I told her to. MELODY You don’t have to do this, Morgan! LORELEI Oh yes she does. If she wants my trust she does. MELODY What’s so great about your trust? LORELEI My trust can lead to my friendship. Isn’t that what you’re looking for, Morgan. Someone to be your friend? Your sisters never played with you, they never cared about you, or included you like a friend should. They aren’t your friends. MELODY Don’t listen to her! She’s manipulating you, it’s a classic evil villain maneuver often employed by Lex Luthor or Penguin! LORELEI See that? They only try to act like their concerned when you pose a threat. If you care about Morgan, tell me, what’s her favorite colour. MELODY Just because I don’t know doesn’t mean I don’t care. That’s stupid logic! It doesn’t even make sense. LORELEI Blue. Electric blue. Morgan glares at Melody. Her eyes a pitiless and merciless like those of sharks. She raises her arm and slams shut those hateful eyes to block out the miserable task she must complete. LORELEI One more thing. Maximum setting please. MOLLY (O.S) Stop! Before Morgan can use her tazer to shock Melody, Molly tackles her to the ground. The two are put into an instant struggle with Molly trying to subdue her angered sister. MELODY This is straight out of mid 90’s hit drama Party of Five. MORGAN Get off me! Molly’s body is slung back and forth as though she were rider in the PBR. But her grip remains firm thanks to her determination to keep her younger sister from returning to a firing position. MOLLY I won’t let you do anything you’re going to regret! MORGAN Who says I’ll regret it? Get off of me! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Suddenly Morgan feels Molly’s grip loosen and her already slim body lose all its weight. It takes her moment to realize what’s happened, but the horrified expression frozen on Melody’s face helps her piece it together. She looks up to see Lorelei casually setting back the chair she used to batter Molly. MORGAN You didn’t have to do that. I could’ve handled it. LORELEI Not to my liking. And that worries me. Lorelei whisks herself away from Melody’s game zone, leaving Morgan to try and get her sister off her. MELODY I am definitely blogging about this tonight. COMMERCIAL Cue funky circus music and annoying whistling sound. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, making their long awaited return to professional wrestling… THE DING DONGS! COLE/COACH The living breathing pieces of Wrestlecrap sprint down the aisle and sound a bell attached to the ring post. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE I can’t believe what I’m seeing, Coach. The Ding Dongs are here on HeldDOWN~! COACH Who’d have thunk it, Mikey Cole? I thought these guys were discontinued decades ago. “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down hits and the team of Tim Cash and Baron Windels emerge onstage. BUFFER And their opponents, total combine weight 485 pounds… here “WRESTLING’S LAST REAL GOOD GUY” TIM CASH and “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Cash and Windels do that baby face thing old school, slapping hands, etc. Once inside the squared circle they toss aside their entrance attire and get ready for business. COLE It’s great to see Tim Cash and Baron Windels back in the ring following their heartbreaking Anderson Cup elimination. They’ve spent much of the past few weeks filming public service announcements. COACH You know Tim Cash is fired up for tonight. This is a homecoming for him being an Illinois native. Easily the nicest person to ever come out of this state which explains why his career hasn’t gone anywhere! * DINGDINGDING * As customary for any match he’s involved, Tim Cash opens with a handshake. Luckily he’s in there with a Ding Dong and not one of the more opportunistic guys on the roster, so we get a clean handshake and a mild round of applause. * dingdingding * No, that’s not the ring bell you hear but rather that of tiny bells tied to the ankle of Ding, or maybe Dong because they never had actual names. Either way both have them, which only further antagonizes an already hostile crowd. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The lockup occurs and Tim Cash is placed in a side headlock. He shoots the Ding Dong into the ropes and gets leveled by a shoulder tackle. Back off the ropes Ding comes, but Cash leapfrogs him and delivers a standing dropkick on the rebound. Running vertical suplex follows and so too does a pin attempt. ONE! KICKOUT! A tag ensues and the Citizen Soldiers execute a double backdrop. Baron Windels fires the Ding Dong back in and nails him with a big boot that sends the masked man straight back. And it just so happens to be near his corner so we get a tag. * dingdingding * "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" DING DONG #2 COLE You’d think after 20 years they’d understand why nobody likes them. COACH Hell’s Bells would be a perfect theme song for them, because their walking is hell on the ears. BW slams the Ding Dong out of a lockup, and then tags Tim Cash. Wrestling’s Last Real Good Guy heads up top as Baron lifts the Ding Dong for a VERTICAL SUPLEX. FLYING CROSS BODY! ONE! TWO! SAVE BY DING DONG #1! Cash wags his finger to let him know that wasn’t nice, and then goes to wring the arm of DD #2 when he’s headbutted! COLE This might be the break the Ding Dongs need. The tag is made but Tim Cash takes Ding Dong #1 over with a crisp arm drag that would make Ricky Steamboat proud. He places the masked man in a front facelock and drags him over to the Citizen Soldiers corner. Once again the legal man, Baron Windels flings DD #1 overhead to satisfy the DEVIL’S ADDICTION. He follows with the ever popular BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS (running BUTT bump), and then serves a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL (leaping) DDT! Cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, the team of TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" After their hands are raised in victory, the Citizen Soldiers celebrate with their fans. COLE An impressive win for the rising tag team of Tim Cash and Baron Windels. And we’ll be right back! COMMERCIAL

COLE Next week, live from Boston, it will be the Celtic Spectacular, headlined by the battle between friends for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship as Leon Rodez defends against Zack Malibu. Earlier today before the stands filled here in Chicago we managed to get Zack and Leon together for their thoughts on their upcoming match. -EARLIER TODAY- Up in the empty seats of the United Center in about the 14th row, we find both the OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez and his soon to be challenger Zack Malibu, casually sat back a couple of seats apart. Leon rests his feet up on the seat in front of him, the OAOAST World Title placed across his lap. The mood seems very easy-going between the two, considering their upcoming match. LEON So, it's official huh. You and me in Boston. ZACK This is the point where we start cutting promos on each other, right? LEON Heh. Yeah, I guess so. ZACK You know, honestly, I just want to say first off that I appreciate you even giving me the title shot in the first place. With AngleMania coming up, a lot of guys would have been locked in concentrating on that already and I don't think anyone would have blamed you for turning me down. But fact is, you've been true to your word. No matter what anyone says. You vowed to be a fighting champion and a proper champion and take it from me, that's what you are. LEON Well that means a lot... uh... you know, I'm just gonna be happy to have a fair title defence for a change. I spoke to Josie about making sure nobody comes out and obviously there's no guarantee there. But I at least know that I'm in there with Zack Malibu, world reknowned stand-up guy... ZACK I don't know about that. I've been called a lot of things over the years. That ain't high on the list. Champion and challenger share a laugh. ZACK Infact, I was thinking about it the other day... unless I'm forgetting anything, it's been about four years since you and me wrestled one on one. LEON A lot's changed since then man. ZACK Like me being considered a stand-up guy now? LEON Way I remember it, it was virtually three on one last time. But hold no grudges, that's all in the past. I've gotten to know you in the succeeding three or four years and I can honestly say there's nobody else I'd rather be in that ring with come February 26th. We've been tag partners and stable mates and whatever else, but truth be told you've been more than that, because me trying to be an upstanding World Champion, that's your influence. You took great pride in being the flag-bearer of this company and I do the same. By leading by example. ZACK You're not calling me a mentor, are you? LEON No, I'm just sayi... ZACK I mean, because if you were, that'd make me feel damn old. LEON In that case yes, yes I am. They laugh again. ZACK I appreciate it though, really. And in return, I'll say there's probably no other guy I'd feel more secure in being OAOAST World Champion for the company's interests than you. LEON And vice versa. ZACK Obviously I'm looking forward to next week. Not just the shot at the title though, but the chance to go out and wrestle. No grudges, no personal issues. Just you and me in the spirit of competition. One thing's for sure... win lose or draw, you and me are going to tear the house down in Boston. LEON I hear that. May the best man win. The friends share a handshake as we fade out. COACH If anyone back there can bring me out a sickbag, that'd be good. COLE Coach, we're back on. COACH I know. COLE ...Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu, one on one for the OAOAST World Championship next week at the Celtic Spectacular.

“Living in America” hits and Liberty walks out waving the flag of the land of the free and home of the brave. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring, from the hearts and souls of the American people, he is “OLD GLORY” LIBERTY! COLE Liberty has only one thing on his mind and that’s revenge from Rico’s unprovoked attack on him from two weeks ago. “Rio” plays bringing out Rico DeJanerio and his lovely empress the redheaded Queen Esther! BUFFER And the opponent from Rio DeJanerio, being accompanied by Queen Esther he is THE WHITE KNIGHT RICO DEJANERIOOOOOOOOO! “BOOOOOOOO!” Queen Esther arrives at the entrance table while Rico enters the ring to talk trash to Liberty. Yes you all have finally seen the day where I don’t feel like writing detailed entrances. QUEEN ESTHER Liberty is the kind of man that would slit his mother’s throat for a nickel! A rusty one at that. But I never thought he would get so upset at this unfortunate incident. COLE Rico hit him with a scepter! QUEEN ESTHER He has a high tolerance for pain. I believe he amputated his own legs in Vietnam using only the teeth of children he killed. Liberty bravely steps forward, coming nose to chest with Esther’s White Knight. He hasn’t forgotten the scepter shot he received– an attempt to strike fear into the heart of the OAOAST no doubt, but the patriot isn’t about to let that affect him. He looks right into Rico’s green eyes with a look of burning rage. “Is this man being serious?” Rico wonders with an amused smile crossing his face. The Brazilian gets his answer when Liberty plasters him with an elbow. As the fans cheer him on, the AAB batters his foe with hate fueled left crosses. Liberty quickly retreats several steps backwards after landing the blows, knowing better than to test the muscular brawler. This does not stop him from waving on Rico, earning a great reaction from the fans. Well, great for someone as low on the card as Liberty that is. However this boldness doesn’t impress Rico who merely scoffs at it. QUEEN ESTHER With Liberty’s criminal record and jail time, I never believed he would take such offense to being tapped on the shoulder with a plastic wand. COLE He’s never been in jail. What are you talking about? QUEEN ESTHER Oh yes he has! You should read newspapers sometime, and learn about the kinds of weird people you associate with. He went by the pseudonym Bonnie and Clyde. Rico goes after Liberty, eager to sink his claws into him. But Liberty has no desire to sit there and be devoured and leaps onto the second rope. Moments later he’s flying towards Rico and strikes the South American between the eyes with an axe handle smash. COACH Liberty is a true innovator of offense. What would we do with out this cat making high risk plays and big time moves. With Rico dazed and groggy from the simple attack, Liberty puts himself off the ropes. Though his opponent recovers midway through his run, Liberty is still able to send him crashing to the mat with a crossbody block. He hooks the leg, and referee Earl Hebner drops to this knees to count the fall… ONE! TWO! Rico’s shoulders come off the mat, and he curses Liberty for even thinking a mere crossbody block could beat him. QUEEN ESTHER Isn’t this exciting? How Rico strings along the naïve peasant, leading him to believe he has a chance to win and then snatches away victory at the last possible moment. Isn’t it wonderful in a sort of cruel and inhuman kind of way. Getting back to his feet, Rico lashes out with a haymaker. But Liberty ducks down and pivots his foot to fluidly move into a roundhouse kick, and his foot finds its way into The White Knight’s abdomen! Not surprisingly Rico doubles over, clenching his stomach in agony. Liberty quickly takes off across the ring, panning on returning with a devastating move. But when he bounces back off the ropes, closing in Rico like a dart….WHAM…De Janerio upends him with a lariat. QUEEN ESTHER Its…its…its… COLE Fantastic? QUEEN ESTHER Yes! Yes it is fantastic! Rico grabs hold of Liberty by his arm and then slings the patriot around to slam his forehead into Liberty’s! A mighty “CRACK~!” rings out from the hit and the crowd “OOOOOH’s!” a response as the victim stumbles backwards. Again Rico grabs hold of Libertys by his arm to keep him upright as well as within reach, only this time he forcefully jerks his foe forward to strike him down with a second lariat! COACH You see that, Cole. Rico could wipe the floor with Liberty! QUEEN ESTHER But why would he? He’s a heavy, muscular man and moving him across the floor at a pace traditional to cleaning would be very difficult! Rico drops to his knees and applies a lateral press, and Hebner makes his count ONE! TWO! But, Liberty gets a shoulder off the canvas. He rolls up to his feet and heads for the corner. He’s a dazed from the tremendous hits The White Knight gave him and hopes to get a chance to regain his health. It’s unfortunate for him that the second he checks back over his shoulder he sees Rico charging towards him from across the ring! He quickly ducks down and skirts out of the corner as De Janerio makes an ill fated avalanche attempt on him, and instead mashes his chest into the top of the turnbuckle padding. Lesser men might have been stunned after this, but The White Knight easily shakes it off and heads out of the corner for his opponent. He needn’t head very far, as Liberty comes after him like he was shot out a cannon! Rico swings out his arm with such strength it could behead a solid steel statue. If they actually made solid steel statues, I don’t think they do. But Liberty ducks down just enough to avoid the lethal blast. Rico is forced to quickly spin around to catch Liberty just as he comes off the ropes. He doesn’t give his rival a chance to dodge another lariat and instead offers up a dashing headbutt to his chest! “OOOOOOOH!” The crowd winces at the hit! Liberty is knocked on his back again, but this time Rico ends the exchange with a huge exclamation point in the form of a falling hedbutt and with gravity dragging his ripped frame down the pro-USA fans are forced to turn away when his hard head connects with Liberty’s sternum! QUEEN ESTHER Isn’t this wonderful? Have you ever seen anything so great and fantastic in all your life? What? Why are you guys looking at me like that? COLE Coach can barely stay awake through half the show, and you’re acting like you just got transported back in time to see the battle of Gettysburg. Rico quickly crawls over the Old Glory and drops his weight on top of Liberty. If the hits weren’t enough to put Liberty away than at least he can pin the Old Glory’s shoulders to the mat with his weight alone. Herrington drops to count for: ONE! TWO! Though ever so slightly, Liberty has enough room to thrusts his arm out to raise his shoulder off the mat. Thankfully, for Liberty, it’s enough to end the count. Somewhat livid, Rico drags the Old Glory back up to his feet and unloads with a searing, knife-edged chop, lighting up Liberty’s chest! Liberty stumbles back, clutching his chest- *SMACK!* QUEEN ESTHER Agony! -and Rico easily connects with a backhand across Liberty’s face, sending a stream of spit flying out of the side of Liberty’s mouth! *SMACK!* QUEEN ESTHER Misery! I’m good at this. And another backhand connects. Right now Liberty isn’t making any attempt to avoid these hits. All his body can do is stumble away, but Rico spares no expense to keep up with his chase; each hit that connects sends Liberty stumbling around the ring. Liberty staggers to the side and falls into the ropes. He tries to get back to a vertical base as fast as possible, knowing that his opponent is trying to press him. When he spins back around towards Rico he’s hit with another backhand across the face, which catches him before he’s gained full control of his balance and he goes scrambling backwards into the ropes. Still Rico closes the distance, keeping the full court pressure in effect and he grabs Liberty by the neck to drag him out of the ropes. He stands there, triumphantly displaying Liberty to the crowd like a trophy kill from his latest safari.. “WHO WANTS A MUSTACHE RIDE?” he asks in his thick Brazilian accent. QUEEN ESTHER He always asks me that and I wonder, how is it possible to ride something so small? COLE Unintentional sonning of the year. Finally, Rico drops Liberty in front of him, letting Old Glory drop… but not without Liberty snatching Rico by his head on his way down- *WHAM!* and dragging Rico down with him for a falling neck-breaker! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHH!!” QUEEN ESTHER I can’t watch! I won’t watch! I mustn’t watch! Shield my eyes! Finally, the Old Glory is up. He’s a little dazed still but he has enough sense about him to try and get himself back into this match, even if Rico is back up as well. Rico storms towards the Old Glory, steaming mad, and when he gets halfway to Liberty he rushes in for the kill! He swings out his arm for another huge lariat, and with the lack of ability Liberty’s shown to be able to avoid these hits recently this one should put his lights out! But Liberty dives out of the way and rolls back to his feet! This obviously enrages Rico as he damns the avoidance. He knows he let his opportunity escape him and he has to get his opponent back under his control, so he quickly pivots on one foot to turn back towards Old Glory and- *CRACK!* is nailed (or pelted rather) with a left hook from Old Glory! It connects, stunning him for only a brief second, but it’s enough time for Liberty to step in and thrust his open palm into Rico’s forehead, smacking him right between the eyes with a palm-strike! Rico stumbles back and Liberty delivers another, and then another, and finally a third knocks him back several steps! Rico won’t go down but when he moves he moves rather sluggishly. Liberty steps towards Rico and slams his fist into the side of Rico’s head! De Janerio shouts angrily, and wildly swings back at old glory misses. DeJanerio continues to assail Rico with wild right hands. Desperate to not be knocked out, Rico resorts to gouging his assailant’s eyes. Blinded by the terrible cheap shot, Liberty can hardly see Rico back away. Even more troubling is that he can’t see him surging forward. And for that he’s thrown into the air by the Hand of God (running uppercut)! The fans sit in amazement as they watch Liberty crash to the canvas as though he were knocked out by Tyson himself. COLE What a punch! Rico hooks the leg for a crucial pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING Rico celebrates over the downed body of Liberty, stroking his porn stache and talking heaps of trash to his foe. QUEEN ESTHER We did it! Its just amazing what you can do with a little faith and a little magic. (singing) Faith and magic, with them life is oh so tragic! In the sky I do so magic with every bird that flies by. Oh, I know that’s magic I cry! What whisks by but a car, without its magic we wouldn’t get very far- COLE Why are you singing? Why do you act like a Disney character? QUEEN ESTHER This is just my normal personality. Life makes me want to sing! Queen Esther resumes her song as we go into commercial CELTIC SPECTACULAR LIVE FROM BOSTON! NEXT WEEK ONLY ON TSM, YOUR SOURCE FOR NOTHING OF RELEVANCE ***LIVE FROM INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA!***

Glued to the TV monitors backstage, we find everybody's favourite geek sweetheart Melody Nerdly. Engrossed in the events of HeldDOWN? Hardly. She's managed to fit up her old Sega Mega Drive to the TV monitor, possibly because it's the only one primative enough to be compatible with the primative console. Whatever the reason, her game of Streets Of Rage draws the attention of the passing James Blonde. At least, something does. Judging from the grin on his face, maybe it's not the 16-bit fight side scroller after all. BLONDE Hey there lil' lady. MELODY If you're looking for a turn, I warn you I only packed one controller with me. BLONDE No, you're okay. I'm a Trendsetter. Retro is... not my thing. MELODY O r l y. Explain the super 70s jacket you're wearing. Blonde looks at his red Adidas track jacket and shrugs. BLONDE I'm re-setting the trend. Anyway, that's not important. I actually wanted to ask you a question. You're into all these movies and stuff, tell me, are you a James Bond fan? MELODY Of course. Blonde smirks to himself and rubs his hands in excitement at the set-up line working. Unfortunately, as he's about to cut to the chase, he's about to be cut off, as Todd Cortez walks up behind him. BLONDE Me too. You know, incase you hadn't noticed my name is quite similar. So here's what I was thinking. I can be James Blonde and you can be my Puss... CORTEZ Can I have a word? BLONDE (through gritted teeth) Not right now. CORTEZ Landon wants to see you. BLONDE ...damnit. We'll continue this talk later. MELODY What talk? Unhappy at he is to be dragged away, Blonde is eager to go with Landon waiting. Cortez walks behind him, Blonde a few quicker steps ahead. BLONDE So, did he say what it's about? CORTEZ Who? BLONDE What do you mean who, Landon! CORTEZ Oh. Yeah, I lied. Slamming on the brakes, Blonde turns around and glares at the US Champion. BLONDE So Landon doesn't need me? What the hell man!? I was about to use the Pussy Galore line on that hot piece of Canadian bacon. CORTEZ I figured as much. That's why I stepped in. No lady needs to hear that. BLONDE You know what, you've got a real nasty habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The wrong place is anywhere near me by the way. And the wrong time is... CORTEZ Any time, I get it. BLONDE You wanna watch your mouth pal... Cortez suddenly takes a step closer to Blonde, much closer. Taken aback, Blonde rocks back on his heels and glances around, trying not to show and signs of backing off when every sense in his body is telling him to do just that. CORTEZ Or what? You'll tell Landon? Don't make me laugh. The days of you and him and Black pushing me around are long gone, go if anyone needs to watch their mouth, it's you. Otherwise a slap from a hundred pound Canadian nerd'll be the least of your troubles. BLONDE Point taken. As Cortez backs up a little, Blonde straightens out the collar on his jacket. BLONDE I guess you got what you wanted then. CORTEZ Excuse me? BLONDE You're top dog now. Landon's favourite. After months on the sidelines, suddenly you're the go to guy. Don't go kidding me any different, you've been walking around like the cat that got the cream ever since you won the US Title. You get all the attention and we're all forced back on the sidelines to make way for you. In a rarity, the usually super-serious Cortez actually chuckles to himself, again unnerving Blonde a little bit. CORTEZ You think I got what I wanted, huh? BLONDE Well, didn't you? CORTEZ No. I never wanted in on this Cucaracha Internacional thing in the first place. Landon wants me involved, because he wants me with him instead of against him. Because he knows what I can do to him. Months of you guys tormenting me, it hasn't changed a thing. Landon got what he wanted. I haven't even come close to getting what I want yet. But now I'm in the good books again, I am getting closer. Looking worried, Blonde leans closer. BLONDE Meaning? CORTEZ Meaning... I'm gonna bring this whole thing down from the inside. Blonde's eyes widen as Cortez walks off, leaving him with that worrying prospect. LATER TONIGHT CHAMPION AGAINST CHALLENGER LEON RODEZ ONE ON ONE WITH ZACK MALIBU TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Zack, you are president of Pit OAOAST, I am president of TSM OAOAST. I will keep the peace with you for now but do not presume you can tell my men to give a "brother" any appendage of their's. I won't be posting the show tonight because I have a photoshoot to get to, and when I return I have to sleep for 3 hours then get back up and do it again. So it'll be up Friday. Zack, inform your men they need to send something to me for the show. EWC, the president of TSM OAOAST has read, with great personal insult, and discarded, with great pleasure, your private message. I do not suffer upity underlings, and you try my patience by daring to give me instruction. Family be damned this is code of the cobras, you will make sacrafices for the greater good, or you yourself will be sacrificed under my regime.

YO THE BITCH WAS A DUDE!

Brought to you by American Express Taped: 2/13/09 First air date: 2/15/09 Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Today we celebrate the bad guys of the OAOAST, and all their evil, villianous ways have done for our fine federation. On display for you to detest and despise is a young, incredibly hot, highly talented bad boy named Spencer Reiger. Following him up will be an ex-convict and former pimp, a woman hating trash talking scumbag, The Black Knight Lucius Soul. Topping the evening off will be the silent but violent type of baddie in Cuban Wall ***Spencer Reiger Vs Jumbo*** As punishment for walking out his world title match, the bad-boy heartthrob of the OAOAST was forced to square off with a man three times his size. Spencer made the most of a bad situation by comically taunting the fatty by eating a hot dog with all the fixins (I hate that phrase) right in front of Jumbo's face. Jumbo couldn't fight the urge to add on a few more pounds and tried to snatch away Reiger's treat. But Spencer struck back with a dropkick that bulldozed his foe into the corner. There Spencer gave Jumbo exactly what he wanted by rubbing the hotdog into his face. Rightly enraged, Jumbo chucked Spencer to the center of the ring. He charged forward to hit Spencer as he roses and nearly knocked him out the ring. But, Spencer used the ropes to his advantage, using them to propel himself forward with a spring board lariat. From there Spencer kept the big man grounded by using moves that targeted his leg. A missed Blood Is The New Black allowed Jumbo to take the fight to the brash hottie. But a powerbomb attempt went awry when Spencer flipped out and nailed Jumbo with the Reiger Counter (pedigree) for the pin. WINNER:Spencer Reiger, via pinfall. The HeldDOWN Rewind was brought to us by Melody Nerdly reminding you that Street Fighter IV is out like right now! Quit reading this and go buy it! Now! Now! Now! Now! The Heavenly Rockers joined us lowly sad sacks with nothing to do at 2 AM on Saturday for a promo. The target of their harsh words as one Jamie O'Hara. Synth and Logan were on top of their insult game ridiculing O'Hara for a number of pitfalls. They blasted him for never wrestling at Anglemania, losing his series of matches against Nathaniel Black, holding onto the six man title for about three days, and inadvertently causing the downfall of GPX by “dragging him down in a stupid useless stable” The Rockers decided that O'Hara just wasn't OAOAST material and he needed a federation more his speed. Thus they had found the One and Only Jamie O'Hara Wrestling Federation! In this promotion O'Hara would be the star because the roster would be full of the only wrestlers on earth less competent than him. As a “treat” for the audience, Synth and Logan bought out OAOJOHWF commissioners Holly and Abdullah Abir Nerdly. The commissioners welcomed their new roles, and were excited to present the fans with a glimpse of the roster. The Birmingham Bad Boy would be joined by a pair of Synth's socks, Holly's pitbull Courtney, Artie from The Howard Stern Show, a roll of bubble wrap, a picture of John Stamos, a voodoo doll borrowed from Uno, the drummer from Air Supply, and TV and film's own Woody Harelson! Synth and Logan invited the fans to stay tuned for more exciting developments on the OAOJOHWF in the coming weeks. To get folks even more excited for upcoming Usual Suspects battle, a video package showcasing the duo's friendship was played. Highlights included their tag team title victory, their battles against the Upstarts and Wildcards as well as their time in the In Crowd. Both men were interviewed with each saying they have the utmost respect for the other, and were looking forward to a classic contest. Experts on staff such as Tony Brannigan and Randy Savage also spoke. Most agreed that Zack was the favorite, but noted that with the way all of Leon's title defenses have gone since NYS, he perhaps had the most motivation. ***Lucius Soul W/Rico Vs Freedom*** Surprisingly, Freedom got the better of things early on with a flurry of punches that Soul couldn't defend. The Black Knight almost feel victim to a back body drop for a three count. But he kicked out and got back into the match with his kung-fu style kicks. He low blowed Freedom charging to the ropes, and then sent him tumbling outside with a leaping sidekick. On the outside Freedom begins to recover his strength and exchanged a hellish round of punches with his foe. But his comeback is all too short lived as he missed a charge and rammed himself into the steel barricade. Soul dumped him back inside and got a close two count from the patriot's gaffe. Into a rest hold they went with Soul locking Rico down into a reverse chinlock. But “U-S-A!” chant got Freedom going and he courageously fought out the hold. He retook the advantage with several clotheslines and a lethal flying elbow. A spine buster might have gotten three if it weren't for Rico causing a distraction for the referee. This allowed Lucius to sneak off and get the scepter which was once again used to clock Freedom. Down went the AAB, and seeing that he had no hopes of getting back up the referee called for bell. WINNER: Lucius Soul, via knockout. SYNDICATED MEET AND GREET WITH SHAYNE BRAVE What video game are you playing right now My xbox is broke, and I lent my PS3 to Leon, so I might as well kiss that thing good bye. I like that Brick Breaker thing that came with Black Berry. Does that count? What sports fan base do you hate the most I could do without Cleveland Cavaliers fans, and the team they love, and the city they live in. Might as well get rid of the whole state as well. If you could come back in another life, what would you come back as Me, only three inches taller. What’s one thing you can’t go a day without? Shaving. Everyone tells me that I have a baby face, but if I didn’t shave for a day I’d look like an Islamic prophet. What animal do you most resemble? My mom used to call me her little Ewok. Celebrity crushes? Where do I start? Krista, Taylor Swift, Kate Beckinsale, and I won’t lie Sara Palin is attractive. Krista’s my fav. Song playing on ipod right now: Never Tear Us Apart by INXS. Classic music. The 300th HeldDOWN was a smash hit in Hollywood, attracting a who's who of the entertainment industry, many as guests of hometown girl Krista Isaodra Duncan. But one celeb wasn't so pleased with HeldDOWN's anniversary or Miss California. A special E! News segment reported that Lindsay Lohan was incredibly upset with not being invited to attend the show and the afterparty at Krista's Beverly Hills mansion. In an interview with E! Loahn called the starlet “two faced”, and claimed she forgot who her friends were. Lohan closed out the interview by saying that's its hard to find good friends in LA, and Krista proved that point. ***Baron Windells W/Tim Cash Vs Cuban Wall*** Wall tried to hit a home run in the lead off spot to start the contest. But he struck out swinging as Baron slipped out and took early control of the contest. After reversing an irish whip effort, Wall got back on the right track by leveling the cowboy with a big boot. He got a near fall off a knee drop, but an argument with referee Earl Hebner gave Baron the opportunity to get back on the attack with a bulldog. Unfortunately he couldn't stay there thanks to Wall scoring with a spinning powerslam.Wall kept the advantage through a series of clotheslines. However Barons stood strong through the powerhouses onslaught and was rewarded by getting in a double arm DDT followed by a missile dropkickk. Wishing to slow the momentum of his foe down, Wall retreated to the outside. This act of cowardice was punished by a baseball slide from the Lonestar Gunslinger. Baron high fived the approving fans as we went to break. Returning from break, Wall held BW in a chinlock. But thanks to the audience's support, BW was able to fight free of Wall's submission. But his success carried him no further as he got laid out with a vertical suplex. Wall then lifted BW up and placed across the turnbuckles in hopes of scoring a superplex. But his plan went awry when BW pushed him off and went for the Its Clobberin Time diving lariat! But he missed and crashed into the canvas. Wall tried to capitalize on Baron's miscue by striking him in the corner with a running splash. But Windells moved out the way and caught his burly rival with the Cowboy Bebop (bionic elbow) for a two count. Back on their feet the two men traded blows until Baron struck paydirt with a brutal uppercut. Stunned, Wall was easily caught by the Brigham Young Cocktail (leaping DDT) that got a three count. WINNER: Baron Windells, via pinfall Post match Baron and Cash shook hands with the fans and posed for pictures with the kiddies.

Join me in prayers fellows so that we may send protection to Alf and shield him from being banned by a hacker on the day of this show as well.

In honor of this feedback I have added in a segment I forgot to write

C/S Its also decent at TSM because old heads know where to find us. Guys like PFL, SP, Dr.Z, etc, who drop in and out know where to come if they want to start writing again. I mean its as easy as just PMing someone here and saying "Hey, where's the OAOAST?" if we move, but still this is the easy way to find us. We did land a nice spot at The Pit bellow the wrestling folder, but how much traffic does that board even get, and will we get any backlash from such kick ass message board real estate? Its a lot nicer than being buried at the bottom of this board I know that. Its a good idea to have things archived though, and its always nice to have a backup just in case something foul goes down. So that was a good look to get things arranged. I'd rather not do an outright move, but I'm on the verge of murdering Zack in his sleep like I was last week. At first I figured there's no way we'll fit in there, this is a shitty shit idea and we're all fucked. I felt like an Iraqi at an ice rink. But the popularity of the OAO thread over there shocked me and warmed me up just a tiny little bit. But you still got people Lenna over there who don't want us there, and if she's the one who went batshit and hacked this board what's to stop her from going batshit and hacking The Pit if she/he/whatever gets pissed? Doesn't she have power over at that board also? Unless there's a huge legitimate threat to the OAOAST's existence, I think we're doing okay at TSM. I can buy the "not wanting to be a dick" reason to post some shows at The Pit. I guess we could post Syndicated there, I dunno.

The dude Alf and his pagan ways has forsaken the greatness of Bean Bryant one to many times to be guided by his light and once in a lifetime greatness both on the court of basketball and the court of humanity. Only James Buchanan, who C-SPAN ranked as the worst president of all time, holds any hope for Alf's internet soul Peace go with you brother Don't make no sense for us to be arguing now Time is right up on us now brother Don't make no sense for us to be arguing now All of your children and all of my children are gonna have to pay for our mistakes someday Yes - and until then may peace guide your way Peace go with you brother; wherever you go Peace go with you brother

COLE What are you wearing. COACH The same thing as always. COLE No. You don't always wear a suit of armor. COACH Oh this thang? Yo the producer said Ventura ain't got the charisma to connect with the upper class Brody Jenner type 18-35 crowd we're trynna connect with. So they got the king of swing, your boy the Coach calling a mainevent tag match and with PRL in it I gotta take precautions. This suit of armor is just to protect me in case that fool tries to get out of pocket. I got the sword of Excalibur and a guy cosplaying Merlin to son homeboy if he think he can get raw with me. I ain't gonna be afraid, we gonna do this King Louis XVII style! COLE Of course not, you're behind 80 pounds of metal! "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A gigantic lightening bolt touches down on the entrance and brings it with another mighty cheer from the Ohio fans. As the lights dim across the Quicken Loans Arena the authoritative voice of PRL bellows “THE CHAMP IS HERE”. Through a thick wall of smoke and past roaming bright spotlights, the man himself saunters onto the stage. He offers but a quick nod to the army of people that applaud him and takes a focused walk towards the ring BUFFER The following contest is a tag team match with the winner getting to pick the stipulation for Mister Dick versus Tha Puerto Rican at Celtic Spectacular. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 pounds. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Woooorrrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddd...He is THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COACH This nigga a simp, a geek, and he ain’t go no friends. He oughta think himself lucky to tag with a celebrity like Krista. This is like if Harrison Ford came down and had a beer with a nerd in a Han Solo costume. This is like Laura finally going out with Urkel. With swagger and confidence in his step the Puerto Rican trots up the ring apron. He shoots the fans his People’s Eyebrow, a gesture that’s returned by many. Upon entering the ring, he goes whirls like a dervish, extending his arms to welcome the many cheers of Cleveland’s fans. He continues to bask in celebratory triumphs with an HBK style poses that sets of a rocking round of pyro blasts. At the last burst of sizzling pyro sends PRL jumping through the air, seized by his rushing adrenaline. He brings himself to the second rope and salutes his Lightening Bolts with a raised fist and a sniff of the glorious Ohio air. COLE High stakes matchup set, and PRL is ready! You won’t find anyone hungrier for a world title than him, but Mister Dick has set himself in his path and refuses to move. COACH And good for him. Bout time someone stood up to this dude. He made 2008 the worst year on record. Someone has to stop him from hurting again. How does it feel in my arms? How does it feel in my arms? Do you want it? Do you need it? Can you feel it? Tell me. How does it feel in my arms? The entrance stage gets a lot more colourful with the addition of numerous dancers dressed in the skimpy Greaser inspired outfits, complete with thronged leather chap-shorts, tight white t-shirts and sunglasses. As many of them tote switchblades they engage in a sensuous, seductive "battle", often coming together for anngry and sultry embraces. Of course the center of attention is one Krista Isadora Duncan. Amidst all the John Travolota’s Krista is the Olivia Newton John, traffic stopping in a ruffled pink mini skirt and black sweater top. Two of the greaser ladies around the beautiful legs that stretch from white high heels. BUFFER And her partner she is a New York Times best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos in addition to being the star of the VH1 reality show The Look of Love and the Angle Award winning wrestler of the year, here she is the OAOAST's Miss Money In The Bank… "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KRISTA ISADORAAAAAA DDUUUUUUUUUUUNNCAN!!!! Huge gargantuan cheers follow Buffer's announcement, as the two dancers escort the beloved celebrity down the entrance ramp. The ramp perfectly matches the fun appearances of the stage as flashing lights of famous 50’s songs roll up it, and the usual Calvary of photojournalists is replaced by 50’s era poodle skirted cheerleaders. Once Krista reaches the edge of the ramp, she tilts her blond hair back to let her silver ribbons sparkle with rainbow colored lights and smirks arrogantly into the camera. Long graceful strides carry Krista's legs across the ring apron, as camera flashes capture the photogenic starlet. The entire arena soon becomes bathed in a brilliant white glow, as she undergoes her trademark leg revealing third rope hang, sending a good portion of the audience on an emergency bathroom break. With Womanizer a majestic pyrofall rains from the heavens, sparkling with a beauty all its own within the flashing lights of the HeldDOWN~! set. Walking through this vibrant torrent of golden sparks is the much despised Mister Dick. He gets a reception worthy of someone with that name, an onrush of jeers and total damnation of his very existence. The cowboy hatted heel revels in the bubbling animosity, flexing his expertly built body, that's hardly clothed, besides the few threads of fabric that make up his white short shorts and matching crotchless chaps. At his side stands the fearsome Malaysia, her killed finger tips providing his baby oiled body with a bounty of erotic pleasure. BUFFER And the opponents representing the Deadly Alliance, first hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is a former women’s champion, MALAYSIA NERDLLLLYYYYYY. And her partner, he is from San Antonio, Texas, and is a former OAOAST One and Only world tag team champion! He stands six foot four and weighs two hundred thirty eight pounds, he is The Human Hard On....MISTER DICCCCCCKKKKKK! “BOOOOOOOOO!” Alright I’m tired of writing entrances soooooo skip to the bell! DING DING DING Malaysia waves on Tha Puerto Rican, daring him to attack her. For a second it looks like PRL might just do that, but then his attention is caught by Mister Dick and he rushes towards the buff Texan. Mister Dick quickly leaps off the apron, and PRL’s attacking him just barely misses him. This upsets PRL, and he curses at his escaped foe. The hot tempered action costs him dearly though as Malaysia smashes a forearm into his back. COACH This is why I didn’t miss none of this boys matches, he be out here doin some fool things! PRL lies against the ropes, his face left wide open to the jabs and crosses Malaysia throws. No less than ten punches land across his visage, giving rise to early panic from his fans. But the fiery Puerto Rican gains an instant surge of energy and begins throwing right hands to back Malaysia towards the middle of the ring. COACH Why this dude think its okay to hit a woman? You ain’t Chris Brown, you didn’t drop Run It, the public ain’t gonna let you slide for that! Thinking Malaysia dazed, PRL tries for an irish whip. However the Deadly Babe reverses it and its PRL sent running into the ropes. But the former world champion comes back in style, leveling Malaysia with a flying forearm. “YEAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as PRL kips back up. Malaysia rises upright, holding her hand across her sore face. PRL bounces around behind her, a predator’s hunger filling his eyes. He soon surges forward and brings her down to the canavs with a bulldog. COLE Vintage Puerto Rican! Back to his feet and Puerto Rican makes a mad dash for Mister Dick. Unfortunately Mister Dick isn’t quite so quick this time and is knocked to the apron flooring with one hard punch! While the fans cheer at the top of their lungs, PRL orders his rival to bring it. COACH Don’t try and act tough. Son, you a lame! Your hero starred in Gameday, you star in Lameday, the story of one man’s quest to devalue the OAOAST world title. Starring Roseanne Arnold as PRL, and Denzel Washington as Da Coach. While Coach rambles on about absolutely nothing of worth, Malaysia tries to get the jump on her rival. But PRL senses her coming and whirls around to catch her with an elbow in the chin. Malaysia comes right back to simply shove him towards the ropes. There Mister Dick loses his yellow streak and clocks his enemy with a boot to the back of the head. PRL stumbles forward and is caught by a running elbow smash from Malaysia. She smiles her pleasured smile as she watches him grimace in pain. “NEEDLE DICK! NEEDLE DICK! NEEDLE DICK!” the fans chant to Mister Dick “I don’t care what none of all ya’ll think!” Mister Dick barks back, grabbing onto his 12 inch monster. Meanwhile in the ring, Malaysia lays on top of PRL for a pin… ONE! TWO! PRL gets his shoulder off the mat, and the audience is delighted. Less delighted is Mister Dick, who demands a tag. COLE Oh, now that PRL is on the lying face down you want a piece of him. COACH Why not? You want a piece of every man you see lying face down. Mister Dick walks into the ring with mad swag, b, letting PRL know what kind of hustlah he be. MD brings his opponent up into a front facelock, and then lifts him into the air. He pauses to taunt the audience with another crotch grab before he falls backwards and slams PRL down with a vertical suplex. The people’s champ screams out in pain, throwing his hand across his sore back. “Hurt him some more!” Malaysia’s erotic bloodlust urges. As PRL tries to make a slow return to his feet, Mister Dick does just that, leaping upward to slam his crotch into PRL’s face. The former world champion immediately falls over caused great anguish by the 12 inch python. COLE Mister Dick’s own unique and classy version of the headbutt. Insulting him with vulgarities, Mister Dick scoops PRL off the mat and throws him to the ropes. When Tha Puerto Rican returns, MD tries to take his head off with a lariat. But PRL pulls his five feet and nine inches beneath Mister Dick’s attack. As The Cocky Prick spins around to get a hold of his foe, he’s caught with a European uppercut. A second one leaves him wobbly, leading PRL to think he can drop him with huge haymaker. But Mister Dick springs to violent life and knees PRL precisely in the lower extremities. “BOOOOOOOO!” “There ain’t nothin’ there to hurt, anyways!” Mister Dick chortles as much to PRL as to his fans. Feeling the fans anger, PRL tries to bring the fight back to Mister Dick so he can exert revenge. But Mister Dick welcomes his foe into his chiseled arms, lifting him up to shoot his testicles into his chest with an inverted atomic drop. He sneers with satisfaction at PRL before finally laying him out with a lariat! PRL lies limp on the canvas, breathing heavily as a result of being cock shocked. As the fans cringe at the results of the signature move, MD hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! PRL throws a clenched fist off the mat, showing his fans he’s still alive. “YEAAAAAAA!” COLE Almost a pinfall win for the 6’4, 238 pound Mister Dick. But PRL will never give up. He’s just that kind of superstar the OAOAST Marks love and respect. “P-R-L! P-R-L!” the crowd begins chanting. Grabbing PRL by his arm Mister Dick rips him off the mat. He encircles his arms around his waist and then throws Tha Puerto Rican over his shoulder. Next he crosses across the ring and drops PRL onto the ring posts. Alarmed cries come out of the stands, as fans watch a now bloodied PRL stumble aimlessly about the ring. Their fears aren’t alleviated any when Malaysia strides her stiletto’s across the apron and smacks him down with a clothesline. COACH Notice, Mikey, how easily the Deadly Alliance can handle Tha Puerto Rican’s scrub self without Alfdogg messing things up. Its like they traded away the team cancer and the wins are coming. A hard slap on the ass brings Malaysia to seventh heaven, as well as into the match. As she enters, she watches with lusting eyes as PRL tries to bring himself off the mat. When he’s halfway up, Malaysia violently snaps his neck over with a neckbreaker. Laughter seeps from her grinning lips as she listens to his tortured moans. She then adds to his pain, by landing an elbow across his throat. COACH This idiot PRL thinking he can’t get got by a girl. This girl is taller than you and a lot more muscular than you, ol sickly looking Tiny Tim bum. Hauling PRL to his feet, Malaysia wraps her arms around him in a rear waistlock. There’s a moments struggle from Tha Puerto Rican but Malaysia overcomes it to German Suplex him into the canvas. Thrilled by his GF’s domination, Mister Dick calls for his rentry into the contest. Malaysia grants him his hearts desire with a tug on his naughty parts a tonguing down of his ear. COLE Shades of the great Rock N Roll express with that tag. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” the audience tries to rally the Latino superstar. Mister Dick enters the ring and darts past PRL, putting himself off the ropes. He returns with arms raised for a polish hammer. But that leaves the Texas A&M alum wide open for the boot to his ripped stomach. Next, PRL swings around and nails his foe with the Cappa Killer! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as PRL strikes a Superman pose above his downed adversary. COLE Ohhhhhh my, The Cappa Killer! COACH Mister Dick is twice the man Mad Cappa ever was, so this ain’t keeping him down. The Coach actually has a point in his continued diatribe of hate, as Mister Dick fights his way back upright. There he meets with PRL’s trademarked right hands before The Latin Lion gives him an Irish whip to the ropes. MD tries to return with his well known Stiff Kick, but before he can even get his leg one half off the ground, PRL gets his entire body off the ground with a Rock style arm drag. You know the one he used to do. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is rolling! COACH He gonna be getting rolled into an ambulance at the end of the night. Deadly Alliance got 4 other members backstage, he ain’t got any friends here. Krista’s entourage only cares about their meal ticket, if he gets saved its cause they mistook him for the very attractive in a way that I can't explain dude that does her highlights. Speaking of Krista, PRL allows her into the match with a tag that’s received with raucous cheers from the crowd. Sadly, Krista has mistaken PRL for the very attractive in a way that I can't explain dude who does her highlights. Let’s listen in! “Honey, I’m looking for eye catching thin streaks of a light red. Do that or I will have your village burned and your children enslaved. I did it to Billy Baldwin. Are you a greater man than Billy Baldwin” “He ain’t yer damn hair dresser, grandma!” Mister Dick chastises her. “I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window.” Krista closes the “window” and waves bye-bye to Mister Dick. The Human Hard On will not be treated like a common fat ass at Burger King and prepares to pummel his greatest rival. Problematically, Krista is already leaping over the ropes with ten million dollar legs extended. She wraps those pins around Mister Dick’s neck, and he has only a moment to enjoy the view before Krista tumbles him to the mat with spinning head scissors. “That’s one.” “One of what?” Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer wonders. “Honey, I’ve determined through intense calculations that to properly pay Mister Dick back for what he’s done to me I have to hit him with one million forty-eight thousand five hundred and seventy-six wrestling moves. Times five.” Krista goes for her second of a million hits with a springboard moonsault press. But Mister Dick saw the move coming and casually steps beneath her descending figure. Fortunately for PRL and the fans, she manages to land safely onto her high heels. Mister Dick turns around to see her hips gyrating in sexual excitement as her arms snake through the air. Naturally this causes a guy named Mister Dick to try and approach her. But Krista flashes out her heel in a swift kick. MD moves with cat like reflexes and catches hold of her foot. He then tries to flip her over to the canvas, but Krista uses her superior agility to make a graceful landing. Enraged, Mister Dick attempts to put her down with straight punch. But she wows her fans and frustrates him by scoring big with a spinning and diving forearm! COLE Krista is rocking the casbah, baby! What do you think about that phrase? Think I could get on Krista’s payroll as an image consultant? COACH I think you’d be perfect at scooping up the crap when Maya takes the dog for a walk. Mister Dick rolls away from Krista, and manages himself upright, thinking him free and clear of the fitness queen. But two strides of her moneymaking legs bring her dangerously close. He avoids her threat by dipping low and back body dropping her over the ropes. The fans are ready to bemoan her awful bone breaking landing. But, once again Krista’s gymnast worthy agility touches her safely down on the apron. “Ah damn it. What’s it gonna take to get you to go down, woman?” “A good plastic surgeon and several margaritas. “ Mister Dick tries to swat her from the apron, but Krista deftly avoids his blow to shoot her shoulder into his buff stomach. The Texan staggers backwards, his ruined breath slowing his movement. Krista lifts her ruffled skirt to give the fans a peek of her scrumptious booty. Once that act of kindness is over, she leaps over the ropes to bring Mister Dick down with a crossbody block. Buzzlefoxer makes the count! ONE! TWO! The fans are dejected to see Mister Dick kick out. COACH This chick doin a reverse Chris Brown on em! Ellah ellah ellah, eh, eh! Mister Dick stumbles back upright, seeking a respite from his murderous rival. There’s no respite on the horizon, as Krista grabs his arm and whips him towards the ropes. “Why do people whip other people to the ropes? What sense does that make? When Ali was beating on some helpless white guy did he all of a sudden say ‘okay timeout from me beating the crap out of you, why don’t you run in the complete opposite direction!’ By the way, shouldn’t Mister Dick be back by now, its been almost thirty minutes.” “Its only be ten seconds, Mrs.Monroe.” Clem says and exposes his awful eyesight and memory all at once. “Honey, time really does crawl when you’re having the most excruciatingly boring time of your life!“ Mister Dick has run the ropes about ten times. Midway through the eleventh time he realizes this is insane and comes at Krista with a shoulder tackle. She side steps and the exhausted Texan is forced into a twelfth run. But this time he finally gains a modicum of vengeance by striking Krista smack in the face with a Stiff Kick! “OOOOOOH!” “When I get up you are so dead.” Krista chides him through teeth gritted by the pain. Terribly worn from Krista’s theatrical style of wrestling, Mister Dick squeezes Malaysia’s pert nipples to tag her into the contest and nearly bring her to orgasm. COLE Shades of the New Age Outlaws with that tag. Malaysia’s reentry is met with dread from both fans as well as Krista, as the latter’s mouth hangs open in fright. PRL calls to Krista, “Face your fears! That’s what you say in your book!” “Honey I was talking, leaving useless boyfriend with an obvious subtext of visiting my boudoir should you not be morbidly obese, kind of fear. Not chained down and raped by twelve inch marital aid kid of fear!” Malaysia’s face is flush with pleasure at the sight of such a quivering foe. Krista is putty in her hands as she leads her upright and shoves her into a neutral corner. There Malaysia assails her supermodel face with dicing elbows as she cackles with glee. She then pulls Krista away from the ropes with her fists wrapped around her golden hair. Her muscled arms stretch Krista’s slim figure horizontally across her body. Lips curving into cruel smirk, she gives Krista’s ass a horny squeeze and then crunches her body into the canvas with a fall forward slam! Malaysia follows that lethal attack with a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista kicksout, letting PRL and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. There’s no relief forthcoming for Krista though, as Malaysia uses her hair as a sling to dump her into a neutral corner. Before she even has a chance to plan an escape, the dominatrix is joyfully slamming her knees into her stomach. Malaysia’s attacks come with such vigor and force that even with her abs of steel, Krista feels an incredible amount of pain. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” The fans chant do little to rally the wrestler of the year to a comeback; Malaysia bashes her fists into the side of her head eventually causing her to sag down to the canvas in agony. With Krista lifeless on the floor, Malaysia ascends to the top rope. That awful grin reappears on her blood red lips, as she lowers her right foot and scrapes it across Krista’s face! “BOOOOOOOO!” Mister Dick turns towards the fans with nostrils flaring, “Ya’ll bastards better keep yer trap shut!” COLE PRL has to be fuming over there on the ring apron, just wanting to get his hands on those two. COACH Nah, I think he’s fuming because I’m protected by chain mail, and the sword of Excalibur. Picking Krista up, Malaysia licks her lips like a canine ready to devour a tasty treat. Krista doesn’t take too kindly to that gesture and swats Malaysia with a headbutt. “Ow! Why did I do that? Why did I do that?” She gripes. Forgoing anymore foolish headbuts, Krista carts Malaysia across the ring with stinging kicks to her shin. COLE MMA inspired leg kicks from Krista. COACH Damn you stupid. Krista is the last person to be inspired by a sport where sweaty naked dudes grope each other in the name of a Brazillian martial art. Krista gets Malaysia into the corner, and hammers away at her with a rapid fire procession of punches . Though the blows greatly please the fans, they don’t do quite enough damage to Malaysia. She’s able to stop them entirely by striking down Krista with an elbow. COACH Krista has finally met her match! Years of sonning dudes all up and down the card, and it’s the pair of Mister Dick and Malaysia that have her number. And she don’t have Alix in her corner now. She got a bum who thinks he’s the bum that played the very attractive in a way that I can't explain bum in Be Cool! Malaysia reluctantly decides to leave Krista be for the moment and treks to her corner. A hungering tonguing down of Mister Dick’s super defined abs calls the baby oil soaked Texan into the ring. “YOU CAN’T GET IT UP! YOU CAN’T GET IT UP! YOU CAN’T GET IT UP!” COLE Fans always encouraged to speak their mind at OAOAST events! Without them we’d all be- COACH A hell of a lot happier! Barking curses at the rude audience, Mister Dick picks the GLAAdiator up. He looks for an irish whip but Miss California finds the will and the way to reverse it. But, Mister Dick counters her counter and drags her into his powerful arms to smash her into the canvas with a side belly to belly suplex! “How you like dem apples, boy?” Mister Dick yells to a furious PRL, as the Human Hard On covers Krista for a pin. ONE! TWO! Krista’s shoulder come off the canvas, and there’s hope yet for PRL and the OAOAST Marks. Mister Dick pulls Krista to her feet, and settles her Barbie doll frame into his arms for a bodyslam. But instead of the basic move, he twists to his side and goes down with her as she’s slammed brutally into the canvas. Her cries of pain are muffled by Mister Dick wrapping his long brawny hands around her neck and viciously choking her. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Clem has had enough of Mister Dick’s cheating, “Gawn and get off o’her, or I’ll give ya a good hidin’, sonny!” “What’d you just done and say to me, old man?” COACH This is going be like a flashback to the time Clem was beaten to a pulp by 1920’s strongman Herbert Wagner Liechtenstein. Thankfully for Clem and the institution of Medicaid, Mister Dick decides to leave him be. Instead he hauls Krista up once more, and underhooks her arms. From there a quick spewing of spit at PRL leads into a lethal double arm DDT. The Cocky Prick leans casually over the downed body of his longtime rival for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista kicks out! “YEAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick refuses to believe that Krista has any fight left in her bones, and he gruffly informs the audience of his belief. He seeks to prove himself correct by taking her limp body onto his shoulders for the Cock Block. But on his shoulders Krista’s body suddenly isn’t so limp, and to the fans’ glee she quickly manages to worm her way out his hold. Touching down on her feet, she snakes her arm around MD’s head in hopes of giving him a tatse of Life In the Fab Lane, but MD prefers his redneck lifestyle and shoves her away. Unfortunately for her she’s put on a collision course with Malaysia. But she turns a positive into a negative by punching the dominatrix right in the jaw. Her moment to celebrate that small victory is short as Mister Dick tries to connect with a lariat, but Krista’s rolls beneath his incoming strike. She pauses him on his whirl around with a little boobie shimmy. Hypnotized by her giggling jugs, Mister Dick leaves himself defenseless against the round house kick she crushes into the side of his head. That doesn’t floor him. However, the leaping neckbreaker she uses does! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE A HARD shot by Krista! She has got to make the tag to The Great One! Krista aching muscles make her very aware that she needs PRL’s aid. Her slow painful crawl is made slightly easier by the fact that Mister Dick making his own trek towards Malaysia’s reaching hand. The fans rally behind Krista, almost begging her to find her way towards her corner. COLE Both these OAOAST Superstars trying to reach their partners. The drama is intense! As strange wrestling luck always seems to have it, both MD and KID tag in their partner’s at the very same moment. The fans shake the arena to its very core with cheers for PRL. But Malaysia is unimpressed and tries to take him off his feet with a running shoulder charge. The Latin Lion leap frogs over her, which sends her on a run to the ropes. But as she comes back to Tha Puerto Rican leaps upward for a Lightening Strike (diamond cutter). However, Malaysia’s instincts save her from harm as she shoves him away. Landing on his feet, PRL takes a second to position himself and then unloads a hellish barrage of Rock punches! The crowd cheers with each and every strike he lands, but their joy is cut short by a cruel and underhanded kick to his unmentionables! COLE That was just plain wrong! I know Malaysia likes to inflict pain but a blatant cheap shot? COACH That’s what he gets for calling her a man. Only a dupe like PRL that hasn’t had pussy since pussy had him would think that’s a man! Malaysia bounces herself off the ropes, gathering the necessary steam and force for a yakuza kick. But PRL slides away from her thickly muscled leg and gets his arm beneath her’s. Within seconds she’s being brought down for a Latin Slam! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick wisely chooses now to make his return to action; he disrespectfully comes off the top with PRL’s People’s Axe. Angered by the theft, PRL greets his descent with a hard uppercut straight to his jaw. Stunned Mister Dick watches with blurry eyes as PRL makes a quick scurry to the top rope. But suddenly, as if by some miracle, The Human Hard On springs to life (no homo) and uses his football player strength to hurl PRL off the ropes. “BOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss, having to watch Mister Dick strike a Heisman pose. COACH PRL just got dicked down! But Mister Dick’s moment of glory isn’t a long one; PRL pops the crowd with a kip up! But just as soon as he stands up he’s knocked back down from a clothesline to his back by Malaysia. Although Malaysia’s the legal person, Mister Dick insists that she leave the ring so that he may have is way with PRL. While Malaysia’s exits through the ropes, MD scrapes his rival off the mat and throws him into a neutral corner. He slams overhand rights into the top of PRL’s skull, taking immense pleasure from every strike he lands. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” The chanting of his millions...aaaaand….MILLLIONS of fans gives PRL a renewed surge of energy and he begins fighting back with animal intensity. Furious right hands bomb across Mister Dick’s handsome face, forcing him out the corner to the center of the ring. Thankfully for his good looks, Malaysia comes to his rescue to shove PRL to the ground. But Krista aids her cheapshotted partner by slashing her well insured legs into Malaysia with a spinning wheel kick. The Deadly Babe tumbles into the ropes, and its only a simple dropkick from Miss California that sends her toppling over the cables onto the mat. “YEAAAAAA!” the audience watches Malaysia make a frustratingly painful landing against Sofa Central’s announce table. While Malaysia struggles to get herself off the black and orange mats, Krista works her way to the top rope. “Camera slave, you are getting some good upskirt shots aren’t you?” “Well, no, I wasn’t.” “Why the hell not? I’ve got one hell of a camel toe going on and you are nobody to deny the masses their object of self pleasure.” Unable to argue with the primadonna, the camera guy fills his lens with the image of her jiggling tush. “By the way I hope my mother is watching and I hope she’s gasping in revulsion.” Krista notes, and then turns her attention back towards Malaysia. She comes off with a stunning shooting star press that shoves Malaysia to the ground and absolutely amazes the sold out Cleveland crowd. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Meanwhile in the ring PRL drops Mister Dick with a body slam. PRL pumps up his sneakers, causing the fans to roar in anticipation. Leaving MD behind he rushes to the ropes, bouncing back to pop his fans with a smooth shoulder shuffle. But that signature dance costs him dearly as Mister Dick reaches upwards to shove him back! PRL tries to keep his balance, but fails horribly and his teetering frame bowls over the thin referee! COLE Oh my! Clem! COACH If your hip is broken, we’re gonna put you to sleep. You better get on up. Mister Dick of course has little concern for Clem, and doesn’t even spare him so much as a glance. Rather he removes protective steel cup and uses it to bean PRL in the head. Down goes the former world champion, knocked out by Mister Dick’s tremendous cheap shot. The audience is horrified knowing full well this will surely spell doom for PRL. As he lies down on PRL for the pin, MD smiles a toothsome grin as he thinks the same thought. DING DING DING! COLE A Cleveland screwjob on PRL! Mister Dick’s propesenity for being a dick finally results in punishment. Not looking to see if Clem was awake or not caused him to fail to notice that Clem was knocked down not knocked out. For this Mister Dick suffers the humiliation of disqualification! “YEAAAAAAA!” the audience’s cheers are like nails on a chalkboard to MD. He runs his hands through his curly butterscotch hair, horror holding his mouth agape. COLE Mister Dick played himself! Just being a dick didn’t work for you this time, did it? Not a bit and The Cocky Prick isn’t exactly at peace with it. Were Malaysia not holding him back, he might very well use his bared fangs to tear through Clem’s wrinkled flesh. As it stands he can only be escorted to the outside by Malaysia, where he continues to throw the mother of all fits, damning and cussing the referee for actually doing his job competently. COACH This ain’t right! Clem played possum! COLE No, Clem didn’t. Clem eats possum because he’s an old man from Missouri, but he didn’t play it. Mister Dick just forgot to check if Clem was actually out. Krista, having noticed her partner is laid out after minutes of bowing to the fans and demanding they chant encore although there’s no such in wrestling, tries to wake him up. Only instead of pouring water on him she pours bourbon on him. That odd, odd, very odd way of thinking, rouses PRL. Well aware of what’s happened, he calls for and receives a mic. PRL Ha-ha! Glitter thong, hold it right where you are. COLE Hehehehe. Gliter Thong. PRL The Latin Lion wants to congratulate you. Yes he wants to congratulate you, Mister Dick! Everyone congratulate Mister Dick for being the stupidest son of a bitch on this earth! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Shut up! All ya’ll need to hush the hell on up! PRL When you could’ve cock blocked me, a feat no man has accomplished to this hunk a hunk of burning love, you chose to hit me with your smelly, rotten cup in plain view of the referee. I thought Mister Boricua was the stupidest man I ever met, but you just took the cake, pal. We put your brain inside a monkey and it would be 3 IQ points stupider. It would chew its own tail. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” COLE Classic, Puerto Rican. PRL Now The Latin Lion guarndamntees to his Lightening Bolts that he’s going to whup your monkey ass all up and down Beantown, but I bet you want to know how I am going to do that. Will I do it in a cage match? Will I do it in a strap match? Will I do it by taking Malaysia’s strap on turning that sum bitch sideways and turning it straight up your candy ass? KRISTA Awful flashbacks! Awful flashbacks! PRL No, I’m going to beat you in a match with a special guest referee! Aw yeah! MISTER DICK Yeah who you got, boy? Colombian Heat too much of a chicken wuss to show his face round these parts no more, and ain’t nobody like you here anyway. What you got some retarded third cousin always dreamed of being in your ring so you’re makin’ his wish come true before survival of the fittest wipes him off the planet? PRL No, Mister Dick. No, no. The special guest referee is someone you know very well. You have had a very wild relationship with this person. MISTER DICK I ain’t afraid of that Baron Windells, boy! Bring that chicken wuss on! Bring him on! PRL I’m not talking about Baron, I’m talking about Krista Isadora Duncan! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Ah damn it! KRISTA Was I supposed to prepare a speech? Because I got caught up with Maya’s bakesale, and Jade had to go to the dentist and she couldn’t drive afterwards, and the dogs needed to go to the vets for their checkup, and I just don’t have all this time to be everyone’s mother! I’m thirty seven years old I deserve to have some time to myself! PRL wisely decides to not have Krista make up a speech on spot in the mood she’s in. PRL Mister Dick, I think your P.R. Nightmare has just gotten a whole lot worse! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! PRL climbs up to the top rope and poses for the roaring fans as Mister Dick makes a very futile effort to have them silenced. We fade out with PRL continuing his poses, and Krista applauding and drinking her bourbon behind him. FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- Fuck it I love Golden Girls too much to go back to a normal theme song. We go into the Quicken Loans arena, where the OAOAST Marks are on their feet cheering the start of TV's favorite brand of parody e-fedding! COLE Welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN, the number one rated sports entertainment show in the history of everything! Earth, Mars, The Bat Cave, the Mushroom Kingdom, everything! It doesn't get any better or bigger than the OAOAST. The OAOAST Celtic Spectacular is coming up in two weeks and we want to remind all of our great fans in New Orleans, the party capital of America, as well as those in the greatest Louisana area that tickets will go on sale this Saturday at the arena box-office for School's Out 2009. OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez, Melody Nerdly, The Heavenly Rockers and Nawlins' own Lucius Soul will be there for a special meet and greet for our great fans. COACH But only those who buy tickets. No freeloaders! COLE Absolutely. A shrill scream suddenly shreds through the arena as the opening beats to "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits! Full of boyish charm and exuberance, Tyler Bryant bounds out onto the stage and runs across gesturing to one side of the crowd. After acknowledging the other side Tyler begins to handslap his way to the ring decked out in Cleveland Browns burnt orange coloured denim get-up. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall and is for the OAOAST United States Championship! Coming to the ring at this time, the challenger. Hailing from Auburn Hills, Michigan... he weighs one hundred, ninety six pounds and is one half of D*LUX... "TREMENDOUS"... TTYYYYYYYLLLLLEEEEEERRRRRRR... BBRRRRRYYYYYYYYAAAAAAANNTT!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler slides into the ring and delights the females in the crowd further by whipping off his orange denim jacket. COLE A tremendous reaction for "Tremendous" Tyler! Ruffling his hair Tyler crouches down in his corner and tries to focus. COLE With the ongoing injury problems of "Showtime" Shayne, Tyler Bryant finds himself flying solo here in the OAOAST currently. And a fantastic opportunity to make the best of a bad situation here tonight and launch his singles career with a shot at the United States Championship. "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits and the first time Nate Dogg shouts "Oh No", a quick burst of pyro shoots up from both sides of the ramp, showering Todd Cortez in sparkles as he stands preparing to walk down the aisle. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds... and representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is the reigning and defending OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH - BOOOOOOO!!" That somewhat mixed reaction is of no concern to Cortez as he walks up the ring steps. Stepping into the ring, Cortez climbs the turnbuckles and raises the US Title which is again met with mixed emotions. Todd steps down and removes his gold chain and cross, kissing it before handing it away. He then does the same with the US Title belt before going through some warm-ups. COLE As we see the US Champion limbering up, interesting goings-on in Cucaracha Internacional still. And the question remains, just what is Todd's status in the group? It's no secret Todd was never a willing member, but ever since dethroning Alfdogg he's gone from outcast to hero in Landon's eyes. COACH He's always been a hero to Landon. Why do you think he's spent so long trying to get Cortez to see sense? COLE But has he? Landon seems happy enough, but I really doubt Todd has forgiven and forgot all that's been done to him in the past year. Then again, who knows? *DINGDINGDING!* With both men ready the bell sounds and the match starts with a rare show of respect. COLE I doubt Landon would be too happy with that though. Locking up, Todd goes behind Tyler with a quick waistlock. Failing to find an escape Tyler is taken to the mat and Todd gets in some riding time on his opponent before Tyler is able to slip free and grab onto the bottom rope. Cortez lets the boybander up and they lock up again. COLE Cortez very technically sound, also very dangerous with his hands and feet. Tyler meanwhile will be hoping to use speed and agility. Standing toe to toe, not the way to combat The Urban Legend. After jockeying for position for a few seconds, Cortez works his way into a side headlock. Tyler twists out into a wristlock and wrings the arm but Cortez responds with a forearm to the face. And another one. Switching positions Cortez sends Tyler off into the ropes and sets himself, but too early, allowing Tyler to slip around the back with a waistlock of his own. Cortez finds an escape though. Dropping to a knee he snapmares Tyler over, then delivers a stinging kick to the back! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Yeah, that's how the real men get down! Tyler grimaces in pain but gets back to his feet and fires back on Cortez with a forearm! COLE But Tyler Bryant, not backing down! Shaking it off, Cortez measures Tyler... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...for a knifedge chop. But Tyler again lands with a forearm in retaliation, then chops Cortez back. His opponent taking a step back, Tyler senses an opening but Todd closes it off with a hard kick to the quadriceps. Tyler hobbles as Cortez fires off another kick. And another. Cortez then leaves his feet with a jump spinning back kick to the chest, knocking Tyler down and forcing him to the floor to regroup. COLE There you go, Tyler trying to stand toe to toe and trying to show he's not intimidated. But Todd Cortez has that martial arts background and you've got to watch those feet. COACH Yeah, the only black belt Tyler's got is the one holding up those ugly pants of his. Tyler takes a bit of a walk to recover before he slides back into the ring, guarding a little more carefully now. Cortez pursues him up against the ropes looking for an opening to strike again. He does get one short kick in before Tyler shoves him away, Todd dropping down to the mat as Tyler looks for a clothesline. Coming off the ropes Tyler is scooped up, but floats over the back of Cortez and lands on his feet. With a waistlock he runs the US Champ into the ropes looking for a roll-up, blocked as Cortez hangs onto the top ring rope. Tyler rolls backwards to his feet, rolling forwards again to close the gap on his opponent, but Todd is still able to hurdle a dropdown attempt. As he comes off the far ropes a dropkick is un-avoidable and he gets nailed flush in the face! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Now it's Cortez outside to regroup as Tyler gets the crowd fired up. COLE Nice dropkick and Tyler might not be done here. As Todd goes to re-enter the ring, Tyler rushes across the ring and wipes him out with a SUICIDE DIVE through the middle and top ropes!! COLE Tremendous Tyler taking a tremendous risk! And it brought tremendous rewards! COACH Stop saying tremendous. Dumping Cortez back inside, Tyler encourages the crowd before following Todd in for the pin... 1... 2... No! Tyler hooks Cortez on his way back up, delivering a vertical suplex. Another cover... 1... 2... No. Tyler backs Cortez up into a corner with some forearms, yelling out to the fans again before whipping Cortez across the ring. The challenger follows in with a flying avalanche, signalling for one more. However the whip is reversed on him. Heading for the turnbuckles Tyler shows, dare I say it, tremendous agility to leap to the top rope and leaps ba... NO! He fakes Todd out, hanging onto the turnbuckle and turning himself around up top. COLE Auburn Hills Fakeout and Todd bought it. With Todd picking himself off the mat Tyler now does take flight... but gets caught in mid-air with a spinning wheel kick!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Perhaps that was a Hollywood Boulevard fakeout? COACH Perhaps you are awful. Cortez hooks a leg and covers... 1... 2... No! Leading Tyler to his feet, Cortez unloads a kick combination targetting the back of the left leg with some more kicks. With his challenger unsteady Todd then sends him for a short whip, reeling him back into a Flapjack! The wind is knocked out of Tyler and he sits on his knees prone for a running kick to the chest, further emptying the lungs! Cover... 1... 2... No! Staying on the attack Cortez delivers a European uppercut. Tyler falls backwards into a corner, the ropes holding him up. A second European uppercut rocks him against the turnbuckles. As does a third, before Todd is backed off. COLE Todd Cortez showing anyone who might have forgotten just what he's capable of. We're talking a lot about people with points to prove recently and Todd is certainly one of them after the shackles put on his career by Cucaracha Internacional. COACH Sometimes people need shackling until they understand how to act and how not to act. COLE He's not a criminal! COACH Well that's another debate for another day. Once he's answered to the ref Cortez moves back in and whips Tyler out of the corner. This time there's no fakeout, only Tyler hitting the turnbuckles. Cortez follows in with a clothesline on Tyler, then scoops and slams him, heading for the top rope himself. COLE The US Champion more than capable of taking to the air himself. Cortez doesn't waste time on the top, coming down across Tyler's chest with a lung-busting double stomp!! A breathless groan escapes Tyler, as Cortez hooks him up for a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Tyler sticking in this one, United States Championship is on the line here in Cleveland, Ohio! Cortez pulls Tyler back up again and it's clear the boybander is weakening. Again Cortez attacks the knees with some low kicks, leaving the challenger routed to the spot. Todd backs off the ropes and looks for a clothesline, but Tyler gets a foot up in the gut to cut him off! Backing up, Tyler comes off the ropes. Up and over with a leapfrog goes Cortez, Tyler baseball sliding underneath. Cortez lands and tries for his clothesline again. As he rushes back though, he's caught with a Yakuza Kick from "Tremendous" Tyler!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Oh, what a shot that was! That could be the turning point for Tyler! He's unable to capitalise though as both men stay down. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The referee gets to the count of '6' before the two men begin to stir. Tyler strikes first, connecting with a dynamic right hand! A second right hand finds the mark! And a third, Todd dazed and left wide open for a standing dropkick. COLE Tyler beginning to take the fight to Todd Cortez, with that youthful exuberance. COACH Okay, let's hope that one doesn't catch on. Youthful exuberance!? Finding himself in a corner as he gets to his feet Cortez is penned in by Tyler, who climbs to the middle rope and calls on the crowd to count along with his latest Top Ten Hit! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVE - " ...NO! Cortez suddenly lifts Tyler off the mat, carrying him into the middle of the ring... ...but before he can execute the Crotch Droppah, Tyler kicks and squirms his way over the back with a sunset flip takedown... 1... 2... NO! Both men roll back to their feet and Tyler ducks underneath an elbow strike, hitting the ropes. But Cortez snatches him off his feet with a Sitout Spinebuster!! 1... 2... NO! COLE What a competitive battle we're seeing here on HeldDOWN~! between these two men! Crouched over Todd recoups some energy waiting for Tyler to get back up, snatching him by the throat once back to his feet. He takes Tyler up looking for the chokeslam bomb, but Tyler turns into the move and rolls Cortez up... 1... 2... NO! Tyler rolls back to his feet and loads up with a forearm, but Cortez beats him to it with a boot to the gut. He reels Tyler in and gives the signal, to a murmuring of excitement. COACH Read him the Riot Act! But Tyler backdrops the US Champion over and saves himself! COLE No, Tyler with that sickflip piledriver scouted. Waving Cortez back to his feet Tyler throws himself forward with a SHINING ENZIGURI! He makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Only two, so close to a new United States Champion! COACH Cortez better get his stuff together and do it fast. That is unless he wants to find himself back on the Cucaracha Internacional sidelines. Despite only getting a two count it's clear confidence is running high through Tyler as he calls for the finish. Todd gets back up holding his head and gets scooped up in a fireman's carry by the boybander, an excited scream from the fans going up. With a shout of "YEAH-UH~!", Tyler takes a step forward and swings the US Champion out... ...and out of his grip! Cortez escapes the TKO, landing on his feet and hooking Tyler up for a German Suplex, with a bridge! 1... 2... NO!! COLE Another close nearfall, this time for the champion! The Cleveland fans show their respect with some applause as both men take a second to recover. Cortez is up first and draws Tyler in, connecting with the Crotch Droppah this time. COACH And listen to the thousands of hearts breaking in the stands. Tailbone jarred Tyler is left hurting in the centre of the ring while Cortez vaults himself over the top rope and to the apron. Cortez then springboards back in with a crossbody... BUT MISSES, as Tyler ducks! The US Champion holds his ribs as he gets back to his feet, walking into a boot to the gut. Tyler takes a quick glance around before he turns back to back with the doubled over Urban Legend and hooks up the arms. He turns Todd over and elevates him for the Recordbreaker... ...but Cortez rolls down the back and lands on his feet! COLE Nice escape. Tyler turns around, into a boot of his own. As he doubles up Tyler is pulled in, Cortez wasting no time on this ocassion as he flips him over AND SPIKES HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE HE GOT IT! And nobody kicks out of the Riot Act Plus, what a devestating manoeuver! All allegience to Tyler goes out the window at the sight of the amazing piledriver and the fans count along with Todd's cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE A fine effort from Tyler, but not to be tonight. Todd climbs off of Tyler and has his hand raised in victory, his 'celebrations' very business like. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOODD CCOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Handed his title Cortez scales the turnbuckles and raises the belt to the crowd. The mixed reaction is slightly less mixed and more appreciative now. COLE After a great back and forth contest, it's Todd Cortez successfully defending his United States Title. LATER TONIGHT ANDERSON CUP CONFRENCE FINAL VICE VS THEODORE MONEYMAKER AND CPA TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

CAN'T SOMEONE PUT A SEGMENT HERE? Krista is seen backstage with the unclean masses of the OAOAST behind the entrance area. Guarded from having to talk to these common non-celeberity folk, by her assortment of hair stylists, make up artists, and personal assistants, she gets a few silver ribbons styled into her hair while reading a Vogue magazine. Somehow PRL manages to get through the part bodyguard part grooming care consultants to approach the fitness queen. PRL What's up, mama? KRISTA Mama? A girl just wants to go down to Puerto Rico for spring break, hang out with some murderous biker gangers, plunder some villages, burn some houses, and do some LSD and blank out for 3 days to 9 months and this is what she gets back? A son! PRL The Latin Lion is no son of your's, but if you're ready to come back to his "team" he can for sure have you calling him papi. Naw, I wanted to express my thanks for lending me a hand last week with Mister Dick and Malaysia. Its not that I needed it- KRISTA Yes, you did. PRL Lady, you just don't understand. This PRL you're talking about! The single most electrifying individual in the OAOAST! I've gone the distance with Alfdogg, Leon Rodez, Landon Maddix and lots more. I have not ever and will not ever need your help to do anything! PRL lays the smackdown on anybody and PRL does mean anybody who gets in his way. PRL brings the heat on a routine basis to these sorry jabronies, and just because he was done for a few seconds doesn't mean he wasn't gonna bring it to Mister Dick! KRISTA Honey, you kinda remind me of my ex-girlfriend. She was just a real jerk, though, you know. Whenever we argued, she used to... she used to talk about herself f in the third person. She'd be like, "um, Kris, Geri needs his space right now," and I'd be like, "um, Geri, Kris is going to take half your money right now and sleep with your mother." PRL PRL wonders why Kris dated Geri KRISTA Well, as it turns out, I was a jackass magnet, but I've now been de-magnetized, so all the creepy girls just slide off of me. PRL Don't let this one slide off you, I didn't need your help. KRISTA Honey, yes you did. PRL Why, why, why, why, why won't you believe I had it under control?! KRISTA Because, because, because, because, because. Ok, Dorothy, I gotta go. I've got a match with some Puerto Rican guy. I don't know his name but people say he moves like lightening. Its almost like he's Puerto Rican lightening. But what is that guy's name? One wonders. One truly wonders. Well, watch for me! Krista's attendants surround her, completely deading the conversation with PRL. The Latin Lion walks off, taking his argument to road agents and back stage officials.

The music of AC/DC and their song “Money Talks” welcome us back from break and Theodore Moneymaker/Christian Wright to the ring. COLE And welcome back to the longest running episodic series in TSM history, ladies and gentlemen. We’re about set to go with our MWC Conference Final match, or so we hope after Theodore Moneymaker went off on V.I.C.E. moments ago. The Billion Dollar Heir perhaps beginning to crack under pressure. COACH You and everybody wishes. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following Anderson Cup bout is for the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Title! Introducing first, the top ranked in the conference representing THE ENTERPRISE, at a total combine weight of 465 pounds… “THE NATURAL” CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and “THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR” THEODORE MMM-- Buffer has the mic ripped out of his hands. MONEYMAKER My time is money and I’m not gonna waste precious millions waiting for Black Thunder and White Lightning to return. So Mr. Official, I suggest you start the 10 count. By the way, if anybody spots Chris and Bosley on the streets tell them don’t bother reporting for work in the morning because as of right now they’re officially terminated! COLE Oh, my! Theodore Moneymaker just fired V.I.C.E.! COACH If you ain’t getting the job done then you need to be out of a job. Teddy did what any good CEO would do and trimmed the fat from his Enterprise. Referee Nick Patrick administers the 10 count. ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR… FIVE… COLE The referee’s already at five. Can V.I.C.E. make it to the ring in time? COACH If they have any backbone they’ll show, but I don’t think they do after Teddy put them in their place. SIX… SEVEN… EIGHT… NINE … TEN! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners by forfeit, advancing to the Anderson Cup Finals, the 2009 Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Champions… “THE NATURAL” CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and “THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR” THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As their hands are raised, the crowd ROARS as the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS hit the ring! COACH What are these idiots doing? COLE Sending a message. The BHB get the better end of an exchange between them and their former E associates, then plant them mid-ring with stereo flapjacks before dropping THE ATOMIC BLOND! They cover both men and count the pin themselves. ONE! TWO! THREE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE The Blonds just pinned their former associates. COACH That means nothing. NOTHING! “Superstar” cues as the BHB stand tall over Moneymaker and Wright. COLE I think Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have received the message loud and clear. They won’t be able to intimidate the Beverly Hills Blonds.

Backstage we go inside the Enterprise’s private dressing room where OAOAST senior correspondent Tony Brannigan is alongside Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, both suited up in their full entrance attire. BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, you’re moments away from going against two of your own to determine which team will represent the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference in the 2009 Anderson Cup Finals. With talks of the fix being in due to your close association, OAOAST President Josie Baker issued an executive order stating that should you gentlemen and V.I.C.E. not attempt to competitively compete then all four of you will be eliminated from the Anderson Cup and suspended without pay! MONEYMAKER It’s been said we learn from our mistakes, Brannigan. Never before have I understood the meaning than right now. I should’ve known better to think a woman could do a man’s job. Not since Fannie and Freddie has a company been so mismanaged like the OAOAST under the watch of Ms. Baker. From smoking during business hours to nepotism, her regime has been colossal failure. Oh how I long for the days when a sexual deviant in charge of a Fortune 500 company. Moneymaker becomes distracted when V.I.C.E. and Inspector Morgan Nerdly enter the room. MONEYMAKER Well if it isn’t Alpha and OMEGA. INSPECTOR NERDLY OMEGA, sir? MONEYMAKER Oh, my effin’ god another fuckup! Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a goddamn interview! CPA Sorry, boss. MONEYMAKER Oh, goodie you’re sorry! Way to man up there, Chris. I suppose you’re sorry about losing my second Angle Award too. You know, the one I handled off for you to protect! Well sorry isn’t gonna reattach the head to my decapitated fuckin’ award, nor turn melted puddle of gold back into its original form! WRIGHT Remind me to never let them guard my briefcase. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Hey, bro, I didn’t hear Teddy say speak. WRIGHT INSPECTOR NERDLY Bosley, please. Mr. Moneymaker, sir, I take full responsibility for the destruction of your second Angle. The guys always kept the briefcase containing it in sight until we stopped for a bite to eat late one night. Bosley wanted a powerbar but Chris and I wanted something more solid. Ragdoll must’ve had some goons tailing us and snatched it while we were inside. MONEYMAKER No, don’t take responsibility for their fuckups! I saw the video diaries. You understood it was a business trip. Those two piss ants thought it was a paid vacation. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Piss-- MONEYMAKER No, shut the fuck up, Bosley! Think for one fuckin’ second! What was your mission objective? DETECTIVE BOSLEY To find the S.O.B. who jacked your Angle Award. MONEYMAKER Ohhhhh, goooood for you! You were paying attention after all. DETECTIVE BOSLEY (snorts) Well of course, boss. You sign the checks and… MONEYMAKER And she handles the rest because you two did nothing more than go along for the ride! Had you done your fucking job I wouldn’t have to worry about some freak in clown makeup or those ingrates Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard reaching the Anderson Cup Finals. I shouldn’t have to get my hands dirty with either of them. You wouldn’t find the Hilton sisters taking out the garbage. They have people to do that, like I had you. (pointing off-screen) No! Noooooo! Don’t wrap me up! UNSEEN MALE EMPLOYEE I’m not wrapping you up. MONEYMAKER You fuckin’ right you’re not. Don’t you-- Don’t you fucking roll your eyes at me! I don’t go interrupting your phone call with your boyfriend, do I? What the fuck you lookin’ at me like that for? You’re more flaming than Los Diablos de Fuego. One phone call and you’re first at the unemployment line in the morning. You got that? I said you got that?! Gimme a fuckin’ answer! UNSEEN MALE EMPLOYEE Yeah, man. We’re cool. MONEYMAKER You better fuckin’ hope so. Brannigan, you have anything to ask these pricks? BRANNIGAN … MONEYMAKER Well you should because that’s your fuckin’ job -- to ask questions. I know we had a good interview going until Chris and Boz came walking in and I’m thinking, “Why the fuck are they walking in during my TV time.” I mean I could always get more because I have clout at TSM, but it’s a little something called professional courtesy. Do you understand? My heart isn’t into it when shit like that happens. INSPECTOR NERDLY It was an accident, Teddy. They didn’t mean to interrupt your interview. MONEYMAKER There you go defending them again. What a two-faced bitch you are. INSPECTOR NERDLY MONEYMAKER Then again, you can’t help it. It’s genetics. You’re a Nerdly. The Inspector lips tremble as she holds back tears. MONEYMAKER Ah, you gonna cry? Do you suddenly have the urge to go cut yourself? Well here’s 5 bucks. Go buy a Gillette and slice yourself like a human pizza! Morgan bursts out of the room in tears. V.I.C.E. right behind, presumably to prevent the Inspector from harming herself. BRANNIGAN Hey, wait a minute! Where are you guys going? Your match is NEXT! MONEYMAKER Fuckin’ pussies. Let’s roll CW. And so they do, heading to the ring for their upcoming match. * COMMERCIAL *

Brand new at OAOAST.com NOVEMBER REIGN 2008~! on DVD! Featuring: The Entire Show... now THAT's G. Plus: Bonus Audio Commentary Track- Featuring Melody Nerdly, Josh Matthews and various special guests Show Before The Show Match: Spencer Reiger vs. Tyler Bryant Post Match Interviews w/Disco Demolition, Tryst At Mardi Gras, Jade Rodez-Duncan, Cucaracha Internacional, Baron and Melody, Ragdoll, Zack Malibu, Krista Isadora Duncan, Mr. Dick, Leon Rodez, Tha Puerto Rican Pre Show Interviews w/The Deadly Alliance, The Cleveland Steamers, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Leon Rodez Hype Videos for: Leon vs. PRL, Krista and Mr. Dick, The BHB leaving The Enterprise, Jade vs. Malaysia Jade and Maya at the High School Musical 3 Premiere- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/6) Love Shack feat. PRL- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/13) Jamie O'Hara and The CAE vs. Cucaracha Internacional- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/20) The 2008 Thanksgiving Survivor Series Match- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/27) A Molly Nerdly Film: A Nerdly Thanksgiving Dinner Molly, Jade and Maya at the High School Musical 3 Premiere, Extended Featurette ORDER NOW!

THE NERDLIES THAT PREY STARRING.... MOLLY NERDLY AND MORGAN NERDLY Into a dark room comes Molly, entering it as though some wild beast lay within. But there’s Big Foot or dragon loitering in the area. Only Morgan using scissors to shred wrapping paper, and a bag of teddy bears next to her. This might be a comforting sight to Molly if it didn’t also include Mariachi lying unconscious on the floor. MOLLY What in the name of Christ happened? MORGAN (shrugging) I dunno. He said something I don’t like. MOLLY Therefore you shot him? MORGAN I think he’ll live. I’ve never zapped anyone that hard before. Is he twitching? I hate it when they twitch. Its creepy. Sometimes its funny. Mostly its creepy. Depends on who I zap! Do you want to help me wrap Teddy Bears? There for the Children’s Hospital, and you’re a good wrapper if I remember. Better than me it just looks like a paper factory exploded on these guys. Molly approaches tentatively, not knowing the best way to gain acceptance from the second youngest sister. MOLLY Might I have a moment to chat? MORGAN I guess. Its not like people go away when I say no. So what do you want to talk about? Boys? Movies? It better not be about superpowers. MOLLY As your elder sister, educated in the ways of the world, I believe its time for me to offer you advice. MORGAN Really? You never did that sort of thing before. MOLLY Yes, well, before was far different than now. I think you ought to leave The Enterprise organization just as soon as you can. MORGAN What? Why? MOLLY You’re much to good for those simple scum, and I won’t see you dragged down any further by their adherence to a devil’s code! You have had a rough life, this I know, I’ve been witness to all of it. But they can not save you. They’ll do nothing to help you, only harm you. Their wish is to use you, use you for all that you’re worth and then when you have no more use, that will be the end. Morgan slams her scissors down to the ground, her eyes staring up at her sister with a dreary anger. MORGAN What do you know? You always think you’re smarter than everyone, because you can form a sentence like Shakespeare and you’re in graduate school. Its takes more than a fancy degree and dictionary to know how I feel. And you were in The Enterprise, so why are you yelling at me? MOLLY Because I made your same mistake. I have known the misery of The Enterprise and I won’t see my own sister, my emotionally fragile sister, be hurt by them. MORGAN So what should I do, huh? You have all the answers, tell me. Should I go to college? I’m sure lots of places are looking for someone with a C average. Do you think I should go home? And do what, listen to people carp on me about how I’m bringing them down, why don’t I just smile, there are people who have it worse in the world? The Enterprise is going to mistreat me. So what? My whole life I’ve been mistreated. I would hear dad talking to mom when I was 5, “why is Morgan so slow, why can’t she read yet, and Maggie can.” I used to get spanked when I messed up my math problems or I brought home a low spelling test score. No one wanted to help me, they just wanted to hurt me. The only people the only people who came to visit me when I was in the hospital out of the 12 kids in our family were Abdullah and Malaysia. Malaysia. The one you all hate came to visit me and stayed with me for three hours playing checkers. You don’t give a crap about me! MOLLY Morgan, that is not true! MORGAN No one gives a crap about me! MOLLY Morgan… MORGAN Just shut up. I’ve been in The Enterprise since January and you haven’t said a word. The only reason you came is because you’re worried that Lori wants me taken out. I know the score, I’m not so stupid like you all think I am. But, I’m sorry, your BS concern won’t work on me. Maybe if I hurt you then Lori will like me. I bet she’d think of me like a sister. That'd be great. MOLLY Do not let them play their tricks on you, they intend to hurt you! MORGAN You need to leave. MOLLY I can’t go when you’re like this. MORGAN Before I do something bad. Molly realizes there’s no reaching her sister at this point, yet she’s still reluctant to leave. Unfortunately the harsh glare Morgan shines down on her gives her little option, and with head low she exits. MORGAN I’ll see you at Celtic Spectacular. COMMERCIAL