Patty O'Green

FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, THIS IS A CELTIC SPECTACULAR SHILL! Behind the desk inside the OAOAST Hot Newzroom, Tony Brannigan in a suit and tie. BRANNIGAN This shill is brought to you by the fine folks at Mrs. Spezia’s Cookies. All you guys still hoping to set Alix straight, fear not for I am not about to break HOT NEWZ regarding a surprise Alix Spezia/Krista Isadora Duncan Vegas wedding. But do I have a deal for you in time for Valentines courtesy of Mrs. Spezia‘s Cookies, because right now on their official website you can order a dozen heart shaped brownies for your valentine at a special discount price! MRS. SPEZIA’S COOKIES SPECIAL VALENTINES DAY OFFER A DOZEN (or 12 to keep it nice and simple) HEART SHAPED BROWNIES AT $9.99 ($10 Saving) LIMITED TIME OFFER!!! We cut back to Brannigan munching on one of said brownies. BRANNIGAN (mouthful) I suggest you order more than one batch. These are incredible! Mm-mm-mm! Somebody get me a class of milk while I remind the OAOAST Marks in Boston about the Celtic Spectacular on Thursday night, February 27 live from TD Banknorth Garden, will ya? (finishes brownie without missing a beat) Tickets for the event have been sold out for weeks but you can still catch all the action right here on TSM. On that night the finals of the 5th annual Anderson Cup will take place. To the winning team goes a shot at the tag titles at AngleMania VIII; the loser falls back down the proverbial ladder. One of the teams still alive in this year’s Anderson Cup, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, the Beverly Hills Blonds. The BHB appear on split-screen with Tony Brannigan relaxed as can be. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, you’ve held the One & Only World tag team title on 3 separate occasions. A fourth title reign puts you in very elite company next to Chicks Over Dicks as being the only teams to do you. But you first must get through your Conference Final match against either Team Heyross or Cucaracha Internacional members James Blonde and Faqu. SIMON They only get tougher as you get deeper in the Anderson Cup, Tony. At the time we’re recording this interview it’s possible OAOAST Marks already know which team we‘re set to face. But whether it’s the former champions Team Heyross or two-third of the reigning 6-man titleholders Blonde and Faqu, both of whom pose different and difficult challenges, the goal remains the same: win by any means necessary. NED If we gotta outwrestle Team Heyross, we’ll do it. If we gotta use a chair to beat the Transgender and the Samoan Cookie Monster, we’ll do it. The Beverly Hills Blonds have never been afraid to break a rule here and there and we won’t stop now. As far as we’re concerned, the Anderson Cup Finals start next week. Whoever the opponents, we’re gonna treat them like Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. Dunking another brownie in a glass of milk Brannigan wraps up the segment. BRANNIGAN 3 weeks from tonight it’s the Celtic Spectacular live from Boston! COMMERCIAL

Backstage, Alfdogg walks down the halls with his rolling suitcase, as various OAOAST superstars look on as he walks past them. He stops at the exit doors, then runs his hand through his hair, before pushing the door open, and exiting the arena. The camera stills on the door to end the scene. Seconds later and we find ourself inside the ring with a man exhibiting all the personality of a wooden door, Michael Cole! COLE Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming the man who two weeks ago won this year's OAOAST Lethal Rumble! He is THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER... BOHEMOTH~! *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd erupt as "Liberate" powers through the arena and again the moment Bohemoth powers through the entrance way! Decked out in a crisp white suit and those orange tinted-shades, the bigman smiles as he makes his way to the ring, jogging up the ring steps. After a handshake for Cole he climbs the turnbuckles and works the crowd. COACH Vintage Bohemoth! Bo leaps down from the turnbuckles, smiling again as the chants of "BO - HE - MOTH!" start up while he positions himself beside Cole. COLE Bohemoth... what more really needs to be said? You're going to AngleMania! BOHEMOTH You know Michael, it's been a long hard road for me here in the OAOAST. When I came to this company back in 2006, I had nothing. I was watching another guy's back, doing another man's work. Back then, if you'd have told me that less than three years on, I'd be headlining AngleMania with a chance at the World Title, I don't know if I would have believed you. But a lot's happened in that time and one of those things is that these people have embraced me. "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" BOHEMOTH These people have accepted me. And these OAOAST fans have supported me, into becoming one of the top guys in this business. Never more so than at AnglePalooza, when I outlasted 29 other competitors to stand tall at the end of that night, not just the biggest dog in the yard, but the only dog left. COLE One thing we should bring up, in light of recent developments, do you feel like your win has been dampened at all, knowing what we know now about Alfdogg and Reject? BOHEMOTH To be honest with you I don't know what the situation is there, all I know is they didn't win the Lethal Rumble, I did! And after all that Alfdogg's done to me in the past, I find it hard to feel sorry for the guy truth be told. That's not my issue. COLE Indeed not. Your issue is now the World Championship and counting down the days to AngleMania. OAOAST World Title of course held currently by your friend and fellow In Crowd member Leon Rodez. How are you feeling about the prospect of facing him? Bo is forced to wipe a smile from his face. BOHEMOTH Are we really trying to stir things up already Michael? COLE Not at all. I'm just... BOHEMOTH No no, it's cool. The fact is me and Leon do get along and I guess it's ironic in a way that the guy standing in my way of becoming the World Champ is the same guy I was brought in to deal with three years ago. But like I said, a lot's changed since then. That's all water under the bridge. As far as fighting Leon goes, in a weird way I'm looking forward to it. Because I know he's like me. He wants competition. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy beating the hell out of the Rejects and the Christian Wrights of this world as much as the next guy. Just because it's not personal doesn't mean it won't be competitive between me and Leon though. Trust me, when that bell rings, friendship'll be out the window and it'll be all business. May the best man win. COLE The OAOAST Galaxy can't ask for any more than that. And it promises to be a great contest. One final thought on AngleMania... do you feel that you're ready to become the OAOAST World Champion? BOHEMOTH I feel like I'm ready. But that doesn't mean much to anyone, except to say that I've got the self belief in my abilities. I could stand here and say that I'm going to win the World Title. I could stand here and say that I'm going to run through Leon Rodez in the process. The fact is, saying it don't make it so. The only way I'm going to prove it is by doing. All I can say is, it's still two months 'till AngleMania and I've never felt more ready in my life. COLE Alright, there you have it, Bohemoth is ready for AngleMania and his chance at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! "Liberate" hits to wrap up the interview, Bohemoth raising his arms and goes back to working the turnbuckles and the cheering fans. COLE Coach, back to you! COACH Damn right back to me, I'm sick of hearing your whiny ass voice! Quit sucking up to Big Bo and get back down here so I can go back to sleep while you yap on about shit that don't matter! Actually, nevermind, let Brannigan yap, I got Jessica Beil waiting in my dreams, I ain't got time for your ass to waddle on over here!

As we return from backstage we find the All American Boys on the outside of the ring shaking hands with their fellow Americans. COLE The All American Boys doing their part to make the OAOAST Marks feel welcome here on HeldDOWN~! as the get ready for tag team action. A thick orange light envelops the entire stage, and plumes of fire lift out of the entrance stage. The soulful hip-hop inspired Spanish beats of “Spittin Narcissism” make their way into the arena as the fire continues to holler into the air. Emerging first through the parting entrance doors is this young lady QUEEN ESTHER Shaded in an almost evil red by the lighting and the intense flames, she flashes a wicked smile before extending her hand to welcome RICO DE JANERIO And LUCIUS SOUL Her arms go between before of their’s and her smile turns into a sly grin almost as though she were withholding a secret. She nods towards the ring, and her team takes that as their cue to travel down the ramp. BUFFER The following contest is scuedueled for one fall. All ready in the ring, The All American Boys! Now making their way to the ring being accompanied by Queen Esther they are The Black Knight Lucius Soul, The White Knight Rico DeJanerio…THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB! Rico fights the urge to exchange beads for boobs, although he’d most likely fail if he were to make such an offer. He keeps himself occupied by twirling a bejewled royal scepter Soul can hardly stop himself from breaking free of Queen Esther and attending to his treasured fro. Somehow he makes it into the ring, where Esther rewards him with an encouraging round of applause. Her eagerness to show off her team isn’t warmly received, and the Missourians blast the shadow boxing pimp with boos. On the outside, Rico eyes down his opponent with an odd sort of stare. COLE I am pumped for this! The new look Wrecking Crew! COACH Sit yo ol Joe Buck Chip Carry ass on the ground! No you aint pumped! COLE Yes I am, why can’t you and I be interested in the same things? COACH Because you are a ho and I ain’t interested in ho business! Cole’s enthusiasm may be tempered somewhat when Rico takes his wand and slams it right into Liberty’s arm! The AAB immediately drops to the ground where he howls in misery. The fans are thoroughly confused, to stunned to even boo Rico for his action. The referee harshly questions Esther and Soul but they both maintain a façade of innocence. Rico however insists it was a justified attack towards Liberty’s enraged mate, yelling “He shouldn’t have looked at me like that, mang!” COLE My god! Folks, I’m sorry but we have to take a commercial break while we get things straightened out. Stay tuned for more HeldDOWN! COMMERCIAL COLE Well, we’re back and Freedom, brave man that he is, has decided to face the Hellfire Club one on one. QUEEN ESTHER Well, how do you like my knights in shining armor? Impressive aren’t, they? A few cosmetic changes, some time in the music library, spruced up entrance and they’re the talk of the town. COLE Their attack on Liberty will certainly be the talk of the competition committee. That’s not the way to earn a title shot! QUEEN ESTHER That’s a ridiculous comment, if I ever heard one. Peasants are to show respect for royalty at all times. Liberty made the kind of mistake that gets you cast out of court. Soul fries Freedom into the ropes. Freedom comes back with arm raised into a lariat, but Soul slides beneath it. He fires back a kick, only to have his foot caught in the red white and gloved hands of Freedom. The patriot then upends him, dumping him to the canvas. He quickly falls on top of Soul for a pin.. ONE! Kickout! Both men rise to their feet, where Freedom begins throwing rapid fire straights into Soul’s face. Having stunned his foe, he tries to run the ropes once again. But Soul isn’t in as bad a shape as Freedom thought and he charges in to hit Freedom with a knee to the stomach. Doubled over, Freedom is an easy target for the leaping sidekick Soul slams into his head. QUEEN ESTHER He’s amazing! That was magic! MAGIC! COLE I think it was just a leaping side kick. The same move he uses every match. QUEEN ESTHER But now its been blessed by a queen. Why can’t you understand the importance of royalty? Where were you educated, peasant? “Get down and make it happen, pimp!” Soul encourages his partner as he makes the tag. Entering the ring, the new look Brazillian is immediately tested by a charging Freedom. But Rico handles him in stride, capturing him into a front facelock and swiftly flooring him with a deadly DDT! Clutching his sore head, Freedom doesn’t notice Soul bounding to the top rope. He only becomes aware of The Black Knight’s plan when his leg drop is slicing across his neck! QUEEN ESTHER Bravo Hellfire Club! Good show! These men had the power for greatness all along, they only needed a queen’s touch to bring it out in them. COACH You think you can turn dog turds into gold, because I got a commentary partner that is just dragging me on down! “BOOOOOOO!” yell the fans, as the referee tries to warn the Hellfire Club against their illegal tactics. His caution is ignored by Rico who merely barks at him to count his fall. QUEEN ESTHER Yes, hurry up official! Don’t keep the inevitable waiting, that’s what I always say. ONE! TWO! Another kickout by Freedom! QUEEN ESTHER Boo! What does he think he’s trying to do here? COLE He’s trying to when the match, which you made mighty hard when you jumped his partner. QUEEN ESTHER Don’t whine to me. Isn’t it you very people that love to talk about the toughness of the OAOAST superstars. What’s a little lovetap? Rico brings Freedom up off the canvas, and raises him high into the sky for a vertical suplex. But much to his chagrin the true American counters by rolling him up into a pinfall.. ONE! TWO! Rico throws his shoulder off the mat, and shoots an annoyed glare at the referee he thinks made a fast count. His argument with the ref is cut short by the punches of Freedom. Softening him up with the blows, Freedom backs him into the ropes where a blind tag is made. Unaware of Soul’s imminent arrival, Freedom whips the White Knight away, landing him in the corner. He charges forward and connects perfectly with a leaping lariat! COLE Freedom is showing the strength and will of the American people right now! QUEEN ESTHER I won’t understand how any group of people can support someone like this man representing their native land. In England we have pride and that pride is called the Spice Girls. While the South American groans in pain, Freedom turns to find Soul attempting to level him with the same hold! But he slides out the way and the Black Knight instead slams his arm into his partner’s chest. “Ah that’s some crap, that’s what that is!” Soul complains to his now doubly hurt friend. Freedom takes another run off the ropes, expecting to be able to strike both of the stymied Hellfire Club. But Soul’s lanky legs ward him away with a spring board dropkick! COACH Holla at a pimp! My man doin it, OG style! Soul hooks the leg for a fall…. ONE! TWO! And again a kickout. Freedom makes a speedy return to his feet, eyeing the run Soul takes of the ropes. When the New Orleans native nears his foe he jumps skyward for a sidekick. But Freedom is just one step ahead of him as he lowers the ropes, causing Soul to sail out the ring. Second later the fans are watching the former pimp take a terrible nosedive to the outside mats bellow! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” QUEEN ESTHER Oh no, this will not happen on our debut! Slamming her headset down, Esther immediately pulls herself away from the commentary table. Cumbersome dress be damnded, she manages to make her way onto the ring apron where she gives the referee an earful for letting Freedom pull such a dangerous stunt. Freedom of course comes to his own defense, arguing back with the White Queen over her rude statements. COLE What is Rico doing? With the official tangled up with queen and country, Rico has managed to smuggle the wand into the ring. “Yo, chico!” he snarls at Freedom, loud enough to get his attention but low enough as to not gain the referee’s. As Rico expected, Freedom curiously turns around. Curiosity killed the cat and on this day it kills Freedom as Rico clocks him between the eyes with the wand. COACH You have the freedom to get yo bitch ass laid out! Rico then drops on top of his rival for a fall. Seeing that, Esther politely apologizes to the referee for her behavior and leaves him be. Just as she intended, he turns right around to count the pinfall that he sees. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING Soul takes the ringing of the bell as a sign to finally comes to his senses. He returns to the ring and celebrates with Rico, who’s wisely disposed of the magic wand. On the outside, Queen Esther applauds for her team and tries to rally the annoyed audience to do the same.

Backstage MAGGIE NERDLY (on a scooter at that!) is with THEODORE MONEYMAKER MAGGIE What’s up, ya’ll? Its me, your It Girl on the scene, Maggie Nerdly, chillin’ backstage with Mister Theodore Moneymaker. Moneybags, everyone knows what Ragdoll tried to do to you, and nobody knows what he’s going to do next. He’s an unpredictable guy. But, I’m told you got a message for him and for my OAOAST Marks. Care to lay it on us? MONEYMAKER Yes, I do Margaret. When I was but a young undergrad student at Yale University I used to watch this Ragdoll character do his groove thang as the colored people say, and I used to say there’s a man who just doesn’t get it. There’s a man that’s destroyed himself with drugs, destroyed himself in the wrestling ring, and has destroyed himself as a human being. In short there’s a destroyed broken individual. He thinks life is chaos. Life is not chaos. Chaos does not exist in life even when you think things are chaotic. Life is about order. Order is the very essence of man. Everyone in their place, everything in its place, and the gears of the world keep running. A man like him thinks you can stop the gears of the world by throwing a few bodies into them. In a lot of cases this goofball put his body into it. But the gears grinded his sorry ass out and kept on running. Now he thinks by taking on the overlord of order and bringing me down to my level he can destroy the order in the OAOAST. I don’t think so, clown. You don’t know me quite as well as you think you do. Krista Isadora Duncan, Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez, D*LUX, these are the people that have thought they could bring down the system. Their problem is they’re as much a part of the system as I am. You’re a part of the system to. On a very deep thought pattern you and I are on the same level. Not socially, financially or morally. You’re a heathen, a slob and poor miserable bastard! And you sure didn’t graduate from Yale, I doubt you could even sweep the floors there. But we’re on the same level because we’re part of an orderly system, you see. We do things in segment, we fight and wrestle under strict rules, and we do it all within the confines of a 2 hour show or a 4 our ppv. All you are is a disorderly punk in an orderly show. Give up the games, pal. MAGGIE Do you have any plans for revenge? A guy like you isn’t gonna take this sort of thing lying down, right? MONEYMAKER Oh ho ho! He will get punished, don’t worry. In order there is law, and law keeps the order. VICE may have failed to find you, but now that you’re out in the open you are an easy target and you’re going to get hit, Ragdoll. But I won’t be fighting you , my man. I won’t give you the pleasure of watching me stoop down to your dumb behavoir. You think I come from a family that takes the time to bicker with the underclass? Hell no, we just deport them or lock ‘em up in jail for ten or fifteen years BWHAHAHAHAHA! You and I are never going to wrestle, Ragdoll. I wouldn’t put myself in the same ring as you if every dollar in my trust fund depended on it. You’re a freak and a monster. No telling what you’re capable of. You’ll be punished by my good friends. Could be VICE. Could be some other guys. All you need to know is they’re people who understand the value of order and understand the value of Thedoroe Moneymaker. Most likely there’s a lot of brain deficient geeks out there thinking I’m a coward. Me a coward? Never! Why just this past Sunday a kid I used to go to high school with…forgot his name. He came back from Iraq and he was in pretty bad shape, lost both his legs, an arm, some fingers, part of his eye. And you know what this guy told me? He said “Mister Moneymaker” he shows respect “You’re the real hero. You” Think about that, America. And think about that, clown! MAGGIE That was the down azz nigga of the year, Theodore Moneymaker talking mad smack on Ragdoll. Moneybags and his partner Christian Wright meet up with my bros later tonight. Back to you guys up front!

Maaaaan, I got shit to do in the morning. I'm taking my ass to bed early. See ya'll kiddies in the late AM early PM

From the Scottrade Center(???) in the STL., home of the STL Blues and some stuff I'm sure. We'll go back to our regular posting schedule after this show! Dismissed!

You lazy motherfuckers better give me something to work with! I ain't fuckin around, write a squash match write a five sentence promo do something!

All I gots is something from 149 and my segs, soooooooo alas, I'll just post up the show tomorrow when I should have more sheeez from the peeez. Ya know?

Smeltics fans stay getting cause they can't beat a real Lakers squad. Last year was a warmup while they took it like it was the US open. Kobe 09-12 MVP-Finals MVP-Champ lock Dr.Z came correct with it on this opening promo. Love the unhinged nature of Ragdoll playing off Teddy’s constant need to be in control. I don’t think anyone’s ever straight up stolen on Moneymaker like that with the AA. LOL@Joey Lawrence and Keanu. Blossom was a bad ass show unquestionably. Is that shit on dvd? I need that! Solid midcard match (that’s a good thing!) here by the 149. Foolish Bosley. Gettin rejected for a handshake ain’t alpha quality. Cash should be pickin up his teeth off the ground. I always forget what VICE stands for until the 149 reminds me with a match. KC is the gift that keeps on giving. Like herpes. But a whole lot better! This time he gave us a good promo that got into Leon’s head for his motivations and his mindset. You’d think things would be pretty good in the IC, but apparently all ain’t so rosy for Leon. It makes you want to see how things will play out with Bo and Zack being on a hot streak and Leon being the champ, but still feeling the need to prove himself. Effective tease for next week. Can’t have everything on the 300th show, you greedy bastard! I wonder what Leon will say about having to face his stable mate and his niece’s love interest at AM. Or he could lose to Spencer and not have anything to worry about! The Beach Bunny Brawl tested my love for writing entrances, son. That’s word. I’ll tell you why. Buffer’s part is a pain in the ass. I hate having to do that. Especially having to go find the weights for the guys. Human Resources bout to hit Tony T with that sexual harassment! The favorite moments were all cool, it was nice to take a ride through the past and see what happened way back when. I took a copout having just a Spencer promo, but had I done say Alix I would’ve picked her funtime in the USA adventure with Leon and NRG. Wow! All I have gots to say is that I’m shocked, just shocked, that the other 4 dudes in the DA put Alf out like that. That surprised me. Even Custer’s troops didn’t do him dirty like that. Of course they were getting slaughtered so were probably a bit busy. I have a feeling the DA’s wave of dominance is gonna continue whether Alf likes it or not. Maybe Alf will get together a team of his own to fight his former crew. Respect to Alfdogg for a big shocker on a big show. What a mainevent, WHAT a mainevent! I already heaped loads of praise on KC in PM form, anymore might make me look crazy creepish. I ain’t got time to sum up all the things I liked in this match. It captured Krista’s character perfectly, expressed the story of the match being in Krista’s hometown and Leon’s quest to prove himself, and had all the drama you could want. KC really got the feeling of the match and atmosphere down excellently. It lived up to all my expectations and managed to even surpass them. Definitely one I'll read again.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: Somewhere in the mysteries of space First air date: There are those who say time does not exist! Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Why just celebrate HeldDOWN? Why not also celebrate Syndicated, the show that brought you a disco on a pole match, a hot dog eating contest that ended in a rap off, WARRIOR chasing Vinny into a bathroom in an effort to murder him, Biff being whipped while running around naked, and so much more family friendly entertainment. On this episode we have Team Heyross meeting The Last Kings of Scotland, Synth facing Jamie O’Hara, and Anderson Cup action! Celebration action! The show opened with the key to cleaning your soul and your bowls, THE HOUSE OF WORSHIP. At the altar today was Jamie O’Hara. But not just any Jamie O’Hara, a 85 year old man impersonating Jamie O’Hara! Nearly blind, partially deaf, and as skinny as a mouse’s skeleton, the old man was clearly not right for the part. This didn’t matter to the host, who asked him the tough questions, on his refusal to adhere to Allah’s laws by stealing thing such as airtime from the Heavenly Rockers, lack of respect for his spiritual betters i.e. The Heavenly Rockers, and practicing a chaste and moral lifestyle. Abdullah said that while he might like to offer him a chance at redemption, the US Government had decided to deport the Birmingham Bad Boy for disrespect to the national icon known as The Heavenly Rockers. At that point Synth and Logan, dressed as INS agents, arrived on scene and beat down the sickly old man. They then saw fit to place him into a wooden crate marked “SHIP TO NEAREST DUMPSTER!” Los Conquistadors emerged before they could wheel the crate away and cast an incantation to set it ablaze! The Rockers then kicked the flaming crate off stage, saying its exactly what O’Hara deserved. ***TEAM HEYROSS VS THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND*** Danny Boy and Scott showed off their fancy new Moneymaker-bought spiked clubs for an unreceptive audience. Sadly, the clubs didn’t do them much good at the start of the mat, as Benjamin took Danny through a mat wrestling clinic. The Boston native was able to get a breather through a low blow that allowed him to tag in Scottish Scott. The Braveheart gained control of the bout after he caught Moss off a diving cross body block. Scott worked over Moss’ back with basic submission holds, before bringing in Danny to do more of the same. Danny thought he had a submission with a Boston Crab but Moss stunned him by reversing it into a rollup! Although Danny kicked out he couldn’t continue his attack as Moss sent him for a ride with a twisting powerslam! A hot tag was made to Benjamin and the amateur wrestling guru cleaned house with big right hands! While his partner took the brunt of Benjamin’s attack, Scott tried to come off the top rope with a dropkick but only ended up making his comrade’s misery all the worse! SS couldn’t even take the time to apologize before Benjamin rolled him up for a three count. WINNERS:TEAM HEYROSS, VIA PINFALL. The HeldDOWN Rewind was brought to you by HeldDOWN, the only show important enough to sponsor itself. On the 300 epsidode we had 300 plot developments. Too many for me to sum up so go read it yourself! Backstage Mister Dick tried to convince Josie that he was in no shape to fight his Anderson Cup match against The Beverly Hills Blonds that had been moved up to tonight. He believed that due to injuries incurred from PRL’s “cheapshots” he should not only be given a bye, but also full security detail. That wasn’t happening. Josie did, however, offer him a compromise. To compensate for his supposedly wounded state she’d let he and Malaysia add a third man to their team. The only catch was it would be the next person that walked through the door. And who should open up the door but Terry Taylor! However, Mister Dick punted him in the face before he could step through the door. This paved the way for Christian Wright to step over Terry and announce himself the couple of the year’s new partner! Have I used that gag before? I don’t care it’s a good gag. ***SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR w/ LOGAN MANN VS JAMIE O’HARA*** O’Hara began the match incredibly pissed and went right after Synth with a series of diving lariats. The crowd was solidly behind O’Hara as the two men brawled about the ring. Synth avoided a flipping body splash in the corner and worked over the neck for a near fall. His brainbuster attempt was countered into a 720 tornado DDT that popped the audience. O’Hara further thrilled them with some breakdancing efforts before almost getting a three count on a standing SSP. O’Hara then situated his foe onto the top rope and sought a hurricanrana but Synth reversed it into a devastating power bomb! Somehow, The Birmingham Bad Boy kicked out. He reversed the follow up Percussion attempt into a roll up that might have got three if it weren’t for the interference of Logan on the apron. O’Hara tried to go after him with he was put down with an inverted DDT. A sky hook elbow drop gave Synth the victory. Winner: Synth Abdul Jabbar by pinfall. Backstage, Tony Brannigan caught up with The Beverly Hills Blonds to get their thoughts on having their Anderson Cup match changed to a 3 on 2 handicapped match. Shockingly The Blonds were thrilled with the addition, simply due to the fact it gave them a chance to get their hands around Christian Wright’s neck. Molly even invited the rest of The Enterprise to team with the deadly couple to make it a 7 on 2 match, because her guys would still cut them all down. Easy for her to say, she only has to hold the camera! This week on HeldDOWN~! OAOAST WORLD TITLE: LEON RODEZ VS SPENCER REIGER SECOND ROUND ANDERSON CUP MATCHES DA (EX)CHAMP SPEAKS AND MORE! ***ANDERSON CUP SEMI FINAL: CHRISTIAN WRIGHT, MALAYSIA, AND MISTER DICK VS THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS W/MOLLY NERDLY*** Tony might be asking why this match is occurring now and not on HeldDOWN as it was supposed to. Well...I DON’T ANSWER TO YOU TONY! There were HUGE chants for Ned to start as he paired off with CW. Ned got an early advantage with several takedowns but Wright quickly took advantage by firing shots into his ribs. Ned broke through an early bear hug attempt to monkey flip Wright and delight the audience. Simon then came into the ring and he his former friend traded furious strikes until Ned came back in and the Blonds put down CW with double teaming. As Simon exited, Ned tried for a slingshot senton but Wright countered with knees to his already sore ribs. This smart reversal gave CW the chance to tag in The Human Hard On. Mister Dick continued his partner’s work, systematically going after Ned’s ribs. Malaysia was then brought in to continue the pummeling of Ned, and completed her mission with true brutality as she dumped him with an impressive military press. She battered him with shoulder strikes in the corner before tagging Wright back into the contest. Christian and Ned traded punches, a slugfest that Wright stopped with a knee strike and a body scissors. Molly, Simon and the crowd immediately got behind Ned and their support paid off in a big way with Ned fighting out to reverse to a Boston Crab. The crab didn’t last for more than a few seconds thanks to a Stiff Kick from Mister Dick. With Ned out, The Cocky Prick tagged himself into the match, thinking he could mop up the Handsome Hustler. His wish was almost granted as he got a near fall after only a few stomps. He then locked in an abdominal stretch which prompted the audience to get behind the 3 time tag team champion. Ned escaped with a hiptoss and came amazingly close to earning the tag. But Mister Dick surged forward and lariated him to the outside as the show went to commercial. Back to Syndicated, Ned was still suffering through incredible pain, this time at the calculating hands of Malaysia. There were more chants for Blanchard as he fought back with open hands, and elbows. But the chants were for naught as Malyasia brought him down with a ribbreaker, and tagged CW back into the bout. CW immediately tried for the Wright Off, but Ned reversed it into a dropkick! At the audience’s and Molly’s urging, Ned made the much needed tag with Simon! Simon took out CW with a running knee followed by a lariat in the corner. An awesome flying forearm smash got a near fall until it was broken up by Mister Dick. The Human Hard On then punished Simon with an incredibly devastating Pure Penetration. But the moment he hit his signature strike the music of PRL played! That sent Mister Dick and Malaysia heading for the hills as they escaped through the stands. This, unfortunately, left Wright and their Anderson Cup hopes to be dashed by The Atomic Blond! WINNERS:The Beverly Hills Blonds, via pinfall Post match Molly filmed Ned and Simon celebrating over the fall body of Christian, a piece footage sure to delight the rest of the Enterprise.

300 CREDITOS ALF ANTHONY ONE HUNDRED FORTY NINE KC EWC DR.Z Zachary Patty O'G After Tony all the names rhyme! That's awesome!

ONE MAN HAD A DREAM That one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal. That one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. ANOTHER MAN…ANOTHER LESSER, LESSER, LESSER MAN HAD A DREAM That one day he would endlessly troll a message board filled with fat, quasi racist and misogynist republican wrestling fans. That one day he could endlessly sing the praises of an older man he’s never met who play fights for a living. That one day he would degrade and insult every other man who play fights for a living that got a victory over his play fighting hero. His name was Anglesault, and this is his dream. Dodger Stadium. Los Angeles, California The view comes to the Los Angeles Symphony Orchestra, seated in a full pit, wind, percussion, and string sections standing in wait, while the conductor delays to heighten the dramatic mood, he nods his head to the audience and raises his wand… The camera stays on the Orchestra, while they continue to amaze with the classic masterpiece cellos, bases and violins waft out the song, backed up by the light tone's of flutes, obows and horns -- finally coming arriving at a fantastic cresendo! The resounding sound of the music echoes about the legendary baseball stadium, as the roar of the crowd overtakes the camera microphones at Dodger Stadium! Far above the heads of the crowd the night sky twinkles with stars, starts blotted out by the bright lights of the arena below, an arena filled to the brim with wrestling fans with signs ranging from the cute (Alf’s Dogg Pound) to the odd (Put your NAME on my BUTT!). The biggest event in OAOAST history is taking place on this wonderful night and anyone’s who anyone has shown up for the party to end all parties. The entrance stage is decorated with towering banners of modern day members of the roster on the right side, Leon Rodez, Krista, PRL, etc and similar banners of past legends such as Some Guy, Dan Black, and Drek Stone on the left. At the center stands a gorgeous display of pyrotechnic beauty, blue, purple, yellow, orange and red sparks sizzle upwards to create a rainbow coloured pyro fountain. Finally we move to sofa central where Double C has forgone their usual outfit of orange polos and khaki pants for ultra sharp tuxedos. “O-A-O! O-A-O! O-A-O!” the audience behind sofa central sings. COLE Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the 300th episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! From our family to your’s we give you all the thanks in the world for supporting us and being a part of our great OAOAST Galaxy! Coach, did you ever think we’d make it this far? COACH Me? Yes. You? I’m surprised when you make it through the parking lot without getting a ya shizz pushed in! Here’s to 300 episodes of you bein a clown ass wonderbread, Danny Tanner, Urkelbot soundin ho. COLE I know you only insult because you love me 300 more times than I could ever imagine. It’s a heck of a show tonight in Dodger Stadium! We’ve got two second round Anderson Cup matches featuring last year’s winners Team Heyross against the imposing force of Faqu and the annoying force of James Blonde. A Venice Beach Bunny Brawl. Yum-Yum! Lucius Soul meets up with Rico De Janerio to settle the score. And in the mainevent, Krista Isadora Duncan, the sentimental hometown favorite, will carry in her undefeated streak against Leon Rodez for the world title. COACH Hahhahah! Leon bout to get that ass sonned propah! Propah! Shit is like some old mid western farm boy band comin out to Hollywood to play a battle of the bands and get noticed and they wind up having to follow up Motley Crue. That cracka bout to be like Apollo Creed. Dead! Shayne better grab his arm on some Adrian shit “You can’t win!” but wait, Shayne and Tyler like Krista better than Leon! That dude ain’t got no friends tonight! Even his own stable mate, Bo is sleeping on Krista’s couch to save money on a hotel! This broke whiteboy gotta sleep on the floor at his Super 8 so he don’t get wasted in no drive by! COLE Well, Leon Rodez could very well make history on this historic night. He beat Mister Dick, with an aid from PRL, but can he make it happen against Los Angele’s favorite daughter? CUE: "Money Talks" by AC/DC COLE Looks like we're being joined by The Enterprise tonight! JOHN TRAVOLTA Yeah...LOOKS like... COACH According to my inside sources, Mike...and...John.....V.I.C.E. has BIG news and have made a great discovery in their Angle Award/Destroyed Limo Investigation! -The curtain flails open, revealing none other than "The Billion Dollar Heir" THEODORE MONEYMAKER!!! The fans erupt in a chorus of boos, causing Teddy to smirk. He stops at the top of ramp and motions to turn the music off. He is obliged, but as he begins to speak, he is once again drowned out by the rude chorus of boos. Teddy smiles as he looks out at all of them, just before raising the microphone to his lips. MONEYMAKER A good portion of you are probably shocked that I had the courage and strength to stand before you tonight, after my grueling Survive Or Surrender match with Zack Malibu. But I wouldn’t miss the 300th HeldDOWN for even the birth of my first born child. Because in a way I am partially responsible…no totally responsible for HeldDOWN being the runaway smash hit it is today. A while back I took a few dollars out my trust fund and I invested it in a tiny network known as TSM. I was called crazy by my classmates at Yale, wasteful by my parents, but I never had any doubt in my unmatched business acumen. No never! As all great men, George W Bush, John McCain, Adolf Hitler, know you must have 100% faith in everything you do. Sadly my enthusiasm wasn't shared by the regime that was present when I invested. The other shareholders in the company and all the executives were weak willed jellyfish without a spine between them. They didn’t know quality television, they didn’t know cutting edge. They thought a show with attitude was liquoring up some seniors on bingo night and taping them doing the jitterbug in their underwear. BWAHAHAHAHA! Then I came in and changed everything. I gave HeldDOWN its better timeslot, I made it the focal point of the network and I made it the success it is today. Basically I’m the only reason the OAOAST is still in existence. I give this place life and I give it continued purpose. Without my dollars, wisdom and foresight, this entire company sinks to the ground and all the wrestlers you adore and worship go right along with it. You may not be smart enough to realize it, but I'm the true hero of the OAOAST. Me and me alone. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER I suppose that’s why I can still hold my head up high after falling in defeat to Zack. Without me keeping this company afloat with my wisdom a peon and a grunt like Zack would be working deathmatches for Taco Bell coupons in a community center in Des Moines. I take comfort in knowing that Zack beat me because I am the better human being. That's right, for all his moral wrestling platitudes I am the one who's conscience is clear and who's heart is filled with good. He proved himself to be a sadistic, psychotic, and unhinged man. Whereas I on the other hand proved to be a sane, rational and decent human being. I am a man of Jesus, and he is the son of Satan. “BOOOOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER You know...any other night, I might have more things to say about the alleged Franchise...BUT!! Tonight, I am in an incredibly...weightless mood. Tonight! We have the answer to the question on everyone's minds. The answer that not only I, but you fans...you here and at home...have been waiting for... Who blew up my limo...and who stole my Angle Award! FANS "BOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH YES! Finally! MONEYMAKER The two men I'm going to be joined by...they have been working tirelessly and with VERY few snack breaks to FIND this bastard - OR bitch...no sexism here, ladies - and I am honored to have them under The Enterprise umbrella. I give you...V.I.C.E. I CAN FEEL IT CO-OMING IN THE AIR TO-NIIGHT -The boos grow louder as the curtain once again opens, revealing Christopher Patrick Allen and Det. Tango Bosley - V.I.C.E.!~! Tango smirks as he shakes Moneymakers hand, just before CPA does the same and is handed the mic by Teddy. CPA Ladies and Gentlemen...My partner and I...we have been doing an incredible job investigating, let me tell ya...and we have finally come to a conclusion on WHO the scumbag was that not blew up Mr. Moneymaker's limo...but also stole his Angle Award...and to give you that announcement...is Detective Tango Bosley. -CPA hands the mic over to Bosley, and begins to applaud. Moneymaker does the same, and Bosley graciously thanks them, just before raising the mic to his mouth. BOSLEY Chris you da man! I love you mac daddy, I fuckin love you. And big thank you Mr. Moneymaker for makin the dream of HeldDOWN a reality, you are an Alpha’s Alpha, baby! While mac daddy CPA and I worked like friggin dogs in heat to nail this punk...we couldn't have done it alone. Ladies and gentlemen...your favorite rookie...Ms. Morgan Nerdly! -The boos are a bit quieter now, but they're still there. Once again, the curtain opens, and it is now Inspector Morgan Nerdly! Bosley hands her the microphone, which she smiles and accepts. She smiles coyly at the three men to her right, who are all applauding her. MORGAN Thank you, guys...I really really appreciate it. Ladies and Gentlemen...it is my GREAT honor to be the one to announce the culprit... Fans....Mr. Moneymaker...it was MR. D- -Morgan is suddenly cut off by the AngleTron fizzling and gidgeting, just before revealing RAGDOLL!~ The fans erupt in cheers as Ragdoll holds his head in shame. He suddenly looks up and stares off into space, but then looks directly at the camera. RAGDOLL "...It was me." COLE WHAT?!~ COACH WHOA!! JOEY LAWRENCE WHOA!~! KEANU REEVES ...Whoa. -The fans are deafening as CPA, Bosley, and Morgan begin arguing with one another. Theodore Moneymaker's face is just....shock. RAGDOLL "I mean I mean I mean...cuh-MON guys! Seriously...this is so stupid! Week after week after week, we all have to watch as Larry, Curly, and Ho try to find the "big bad wobber and awsonist," and we NEVER see them getting any closer! Are you serious?!" -Ragdoll suddenly puts his hands together in front of his face and looks off into the space once again, almost as if trying to relax himself. RAGDOLL "...I saay that I want to bring disORDER and CHAOS to the OAOAST, and for the sake of my sister-in-law's sanity and family, I decide to do it quietly and behind the scenes...I stole the award, drugged Jereme before his match with Leon, blew up the limo...and this is how I get discovered. You can't trust anybody anymore...you have to do eeeeverythiiing yourself." -Moneymaker, who is still in shock, slowly takes the microphone from Morgan's hand and looks up at the giant image of Ragdoll. MONEYMAKER ...How can we believe what you have to say? -Ragdoll smiles, just before snapping, pointing past the camera, and whistling. The camera suddenly turns a 180, to show an Angle Award strapped to a chair with duct tape. One of Ragdoll's goons stands behind it, holding a toy gun to it's head. Oh, they're also in a very plush lockerroom. Teddy's lockerroom in fact. Teddy's eyes turn from shock to anger as he watches Ragdoll walk into frame. RAGDOLL "Now, Ted...To answer your question before you ask it...I did it to bring you down slowly and painfully would make me sooooo happy. I did it to bring you down to OUR level. I just didn't think you'd burn up on the way down. That leads me to my next point...Ever-" MONEYMAKER ENOUGH FROM THE CLOWN!! RAGDOLL "Aw." MONEYMAKER Did you HONESTLY think...you could blow up my limo...and steal MY Angle Award...AND get away with it? RAGDOLL "Yeah." MONEYMAKER Bosley? Anderson? Nerdly? Bring him here...GO! NOW!! -Ragdoll grins as V.I.C.E. leaps into action, running towards the back. Ragdoll looks directly into the camera, almost as if right at Moneymaker... snaps his fingers and moves out of frame, just as the goon pointing the gun at AA pulls the trigger. A burst of confetti goes off...followed by the appearance of two more goons carrying cans of gasoline. They quickly pour the liquid all around the room as Ragdoll walks back into frame. He calmly lights his cigarette with his Zippo, before tossing it against the wall, which immediately erupts in flames. Ragdoll smirks and looks directly into the camera. RAGDOLL "...Everything burns." -A small chuckle stumbles from his mouth as he walks away. The camera damn near goes diving out of the room, with the door slamming behind him. Just then, V.I.C.E. appears, somehow out of breath. BOSLEY "Don't worry...we sa- whew - saved you." -The screen fades to black as Teddy's eyes grow to the size of his now covered mouth. LATER TONIGHT HOMEWRECKED RICO DE JANERIO VS LUCIUS SOUL TONIGHT! IN THE MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT COMMERCIAL

*DINGDINGDING!* "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" COLE It is DEAFENING in here! COACH It is when you're SHOUTING into the MICROPHONE! Even Krista seems surprised by the volume of noise in her support. Champion and challenger just stand looking around the crowd for a while, the noise getting louder in every section Krista gazes at, boos mixed in towards Leon. COLE Well we've said that Leon can't let this hostile atmosphere affect him. But on the same hand, Krista can't let the crowd put extra pressure on her shoulders. COACH What!? This is Krista we're talking about. COLE Yeah, I know, I know. Perhaps in an effort to get the crowd back on his side, the World Champion offers to start the match with a handshake. KRISTA Timmy Cash, is that you!? LEON Are you going to shake it or what? KRISTA Oh dear oh dear, there's been a terrible mix-up. FYI, the name's Duncan, not Nerdly, so that little pick-up line of yours shall not be dignified with trembling of the knees and quivering of the lips, nor with a response. Except that rant. Cause you know, that's kinda what I do. Somebody says something to me and I elongate my reply as far as possible. It's a little game I've come up with in my time in the OAOAST. The first such occassion I implimented this game was in 2003, when duri... LEON Fine, forget it. Retracting the hand, Leon starts to circle the ring. Not used to being ignored in mid-speil Krista looks almost hurt. Almost. COLE Thankfully we've got a microphone near the ring to pick up what's being said over this raucous crowd. COACH Good cover. COLE Thanks. Finally the two square off and go to lock up. Krista avoids Leon's grasp and breaks into a jumping jacks routine! KRISTA ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! (sees Leon staring at her) AND SEVEN! AND EI... eh, you get the idea with that. Not wanting to wear herself out early or alternatively waste all of her humbling abilities early Krista leaves the humbling there. They go to lock-up again and again Krista goes to evade underneath. Leon reads it and catches Krista in a rear waistlock. Leon takes Krista up off her feet, legs kicking as she avoids being taken to the canvas. She remains trapped in the hold though and stuck for an escape. So, back to the jumping jacks she goes! ONE! TWO! THREE! AND CAUGHT IN A FULL NELSON IN THE MIDDLE OF NUMBER FOUR! With her arms out of action, Miss California breaks into a can-can routine until Leon lets her go. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" KRISTA No no, really now, that's not neccessary. Yes, the action was there. I... just didn't feel the emotion. I can hardly bare to humiliate the poor guy, he's had to deal with so much humiliation through his own self styled lothario lifestyle it's almost like kicking a dead dog. Satisfying the first couple of times, after that a little excessive and shallow. CHIODA Who are you talking to? KRISTA Oh it doesn't matter, they can all hear me. It's like a Shakespeare play. Really these should be internal thoughts, but I take a step forward and suddenly everyone can hear what they shouldn't really be able to. I wonder if I left the gas on. Leon just stands watching. Once Krista's stopped, he curtly asks her if she's done yet. COLE Leon's got to try and keep his focus, almost to ignore Krista's antics. Which is easier said than done. Realising she's not broken through quite yet, Krista tries to annoy Leon a little more by taking a timeout to go to ringside. The challenger forgets all about her title challenge for the moment, going over to pose for a few cellphone pictures from the crowd. Krista meet and greets her way over to the crowd, where we find the not-so-extended Duncan family with front row seats! Calling her timeout again, she steps over the rail to converse with Maya, while Alix produces a SPIT BUCKET and throws a towel around her girlfriend's shoulders to cool her down. KRISTA What do you think honey, did the jumping jacks get across my lack of concern properly, or do I need to go up a stage? MAYA I thought the jumping jacks were okay. The can-can was a touch am-dram though. KRISTA Hmm. Good point. What do you think Alix. ALIX AH, YOU'RE A CONTENDER KRISTA! YOU GOTTA BACK IN THERE AND YOU GOTTA KNOCK HIM OUT! YOU CAN'T DO IT ROCKY! YOU AIN'T GOT WHAT IT TAKES NO MORE! KRISTA Hmm. Good point. Jade? Jade hides away at the side in non-commital silence. KRISTA Hmm. Good point. What's the count at Maya? MAYA Uhm... eight. KRISTA And I've been out here, by my count, at least fifteen, so it looks like the referee's on my side. That's good to know. Okay, bye-byes all! Krista climbs back to ringside and re-enters the ring. Leant back in a corner Leon tries not to get sucked into the challenger's unorthodox gameplan and keeps his head. Clearly he's eager to wrestle though and tries to hurry things up now Krista is back in the ring, marching towards her. Krista stays on her toes, backing away before a sudden change of speed and direction guides her past the World Champion. Rodez turns and drops to the mat, forcing KID up and over. As Krista comes back off the ropes again Leon throws his hands up in front of him, which miraculously causes Krista to put on the brakes. LEON Oh my God, look up there! Disobedient to the end, Krista doesn't look up and just stands with hands on hips disapprovingly. KRISTA Oh honey, you're going to have to do better than that. I'm far to nonchalant to look at anything without a valid reason. That's what makes me such an icon of cool. LEON Okay then... oh my God, look up there, it's a... uh... a ravenous falcon tearing apart Gary Coleman limb from limb in the rafters having plucked him from the stands? KRISTA No sale. LEON No, but seriously though, you really should look up there. KRISTA Two weeks ago, one of my kitchens caught fire in a meth lab experiment gone wrong. I only know this because when the paramedics rushed in ten minutes later to treat Alix for severe burns, they managed to talk over Kate Winslet's SAG speech and disrupt me. If ferocious explosions and pained screams aren't going to make me turn my head, what makes you think you pointing will? Hmm? Hmm? LEON Fine, to prove I'm serious, I'll look. Leon looks up, making his point. Krista interest isn't peaked at all and instead, she kicks Leon in the gu... NO! Leon catches the boot, tripping Krista up and setting her for the LIONTAMER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Haha! More than one way to skin a cat! COLE Leon playing Krista at her own game and could have her in trouble now! Able to prevent from being turned Krista crawls her way backwards to find the ropes. Leon quickly lets her go and backs away. Sliding out onto the apron, Krista tries to figure out how she was fooled. COLE It's a game of mental chess thus far, a game which neither of these charismatic and creative superstars are winning just yet. Who will get the upperhand and who will leave Los Angeles as the World Champion? We'll find out when we come back! *COMMERCIAL BREAK* And when we come back, it's Leon in control with Krista grounded in a standing leg-lock. Krista attempts to distract the wandering eyes of The New Age Love Machine with a cupping of her breasts, but one twist on the knee causes Krista to clutch her head in pain instead. COLE Welcome back to this episodic 300th episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Our main-event in progress, Krista Isadora Duncan in her first ever World Championship challenge right here in her hometown of Los Angeles, but struggling to get the edge on Leon Rodez so far. COACH It's just a matter of time though. That's Krista's style. She wears your brain down until it's mush, then slaps you 'till that mush starts spilling out through your ear or your nose or something. Then she pins you. It's a pretty good strategy. As Krista reaches back looking for the ropes, Leon adjusts his position. Placing Krista's right leg between his, he drops to his knees. The contortion leaves Krista in further pain and a few damaged ligaments closer to a big pay-off from Lloyds Of London. Retreating into a corner Krista tries to ward Leon off, who is backed off by the referee as he approaches. Happy to let her up, Leon picks Krista's leg once upright and brings her hopping out of the corner. He drives an elbow into the kneecap. Turning in, Leon then elevates Krista onto his back and attempts the backpack stunner, but the challenger surprises him with a sleeper hold! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh! Leon got caught there! With her million-dollar pins wrapped around Leon's waist, all of Krista's body weight is forced forward with the sleeper and Leon looks to be fading quickly. Retreating, he manages to run Krista back into the turnbuckles and get a quick break. But with Leon still spluttering to get his breath, Krista comes off the middle rope with a victory roll... 1... 2... No! Both are quickly back up, with Krista aiming for Leon's head with a spinning kick. Leon goes underneath and with the ropes right in front of him, he's able to catch Krista with a chopblock before she can turn back around! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Momentarily distracted by the crowd, Leon re-applies the leglock, this time falling to the mat with a cross kneebar. COLE A shrewd offensive gameplan from the World Champion, attacking those million dollar legs of Krista. And he's been able to defend against Krista's off-putting style so far as well. COACH Why attack the legs though? If you hurt Krista's legs, she gets a cool ten million. Smack her in the head real hard, then she won't be able to use her legs properly, but medically they'll be fine so she doesn't cash in. That's doing real damage. As the Duncan family watch on amongst the rest of Krista's LA fanbase she refuses to quit, wagging a finger. After a few seconds she manages to manoeuver over, grabbing the bottom rope and forcing a break. Leon picks her back up and again takes out a leg from underneath her. Krista counters though, using the strength in those valuable assets to backflip and land on her feet! She then rolls forward underneath a clothesline, popping up and springboarding off the middle rope with a crossbody block! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... No! Sent rolling towards the ropes Krista lures Rodez into charging and backdrops him over the top, to the apron. Her follow-up slap is ducked though, Leon weaving through the ropes and delivering a shoulder to the midsection. Leon quickly ducks through the middle rope again, before sliding himself back in under the bottom, dropkicking Krista's leg out as he does so, causing Miss California to fall throat-first across the middle rope! COLE Look out here. To derisive boos Leon attempts the jig, before realising which way the winds of popular opinion are blowing. And it's not in his direction. So he hits the ropes without much fuss, charging back... ...and getting caught with a hurricanrana by Krista, sending him spilling out through the ropes and to the floor! COLE Krista had the answer for the Bojangles, what's she got in mind now? COACH I dunno. Shoes? Krista pops back to her feet, spotting Leon leant up against the guardrail being cajowled by the Los Angeles natives in the front row. As they slap at his back and yell in his ears the fitness queen performs a few limber stretches to loosen up her knees. It doesn't hurt that those stretches give the other side of the crowd some swank ass shots. Once loosened up, Krista takes off into the ropes. Approaching the ring ropes the GLAADiator takes flight, flinging herself up over the top with a FRONTFLIP PLANCHA, completely bowling over the World's Champion!! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Krista calls for, and gets, a cold beverage from a nearby fan. Better judgement forces her to hand it back and call over one of the vendors for a clean one, while Leon lays hurt on the ringside mats. COLE For all of Leon's attempts to slow Krista down and maybe imobilise a leg, the hometown heroine is still as nimble and agile as ever! COACH And still as alcohol dependant as ever. COLE A dangerous combination! Having supped her precious booze, Krista helps Rodez back to his feet and brushes him across the face with some slaps in an effort to bring him back to his senses. Once Leon's eyes open up fully, she blows him a kiss. A nice gesture, followed by a not so nice roundhouse kick to the head, the kiss perhaps a kiss goodbye! Falling against the apron the World Champion is bundled back inside by Krista, who jumps to the apron herself and shakes her booty to amuse herself while waiting. As Leon gets to his feet, she springboards to the top. And Leon can only look up in horror, watching Krista tumble towards him with another frontflip attack! Krista lands right on top of Rodez's chest, reaching back and hooking a leg... 1... 2... NO! Leon staggers back into a corner looking for a breather. A breather not forthcoming, as Krista dropkicks him against the turnbuckles. KRISTA DO YOU WANT ME TO STOMP ON HIS TESTICLES!?! CROWD YYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!! KRISTA ...wow, you guys are harsh. That's kinda unnerving really, considering I have to live amongst you. Yikes. Forgoing the ball stomping Krista instead whips Rodez across the ring, from corner to corner. Krista builds herself up, slapping the turnbuckle to get the crowd clapping, stomping her feet to... keep the crowd clapping. She slaps herself in the face, psyching herself up, before realising that kinda hurts and wondering why some people would do that. Seriously, try it. It's not fun. Then she lets out a ROAR, an INTENSE ROAR, before charging... ...slowing down to a stop and slapping Leon across the face in the corner. COLE There's that nonchalance again. COACH I asked Krista if she was nonchalant the other day and she just shrugged her shoulders. You think she was being ironic? COLE For me to believe that annecdote, I'd first have to believe that you'd be able to get within ten feet of Krista to engage in conversation without her slapping or demeaning you in some way. Then I'd have to believe that given the chance to reply to something you said, instead of launching into an eight minute diatribe on your ass she'd just shrug her shoulders. So, yeah, you're just as full of crap as those comedians who start off their annecdotes with 'a funny thing happened to me today'. No it didn't. COACH Sometimes you just gotta vent, huh? Krista contemplates the testicle stomp again, her foot hovering inches over the target. But the referee's protests are enough to convince her not to bother. She picks Leon back up again, looking for another irish whip. This time Leon counters though, pulling Krista in and delivering a sudden Exploder Suplex!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE There's a great counter by Leon! Cover by Leon... 1... 2... NO! Pulling Krista to her feet Leon hooks her up, ready for a regular suplex. As he reaches down to grab the leg Krista's long tested female reactions cause her to instinctively swat the hand away. He tries again, but again is denied access. Leon gives up there, instead twisting Krista around so that she's facing away from him and elveating her for a back suplex instead. But Krista floats over, landing on her feet. Momentum sends her backpedalling into a corner and Leon charges in, but a raised knee blocks him off and allows Krista to run the ropes. COLE The pace quickens again. In an attempt to cut Krista off at the pass Rodez tumbles forward, swinging high with the Shack Attack... but Krista ducks underneath, swinging herself around the back and into a rear waistlock. Leon's attempts to elbow her away are both avoided, before KID drops to a knee and clamps on the BALL CLAW! "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LEON COLE The Blue Ball Special! Leon's bulging eyes almost end up popping into the front row once Krista adds a SECOND hand into the mix. Her once proud children cover their eyes shamefully, as the referee begins to lay on a count. Before she can be disqualified, Krista lets go. But she does it in the most gruesome way possible... or, one of them, anyway... by using her tight, uncomfortable grip TO THROW LEON BACKWARDS AND OVERHEAD WITH A SUPLEX!!! COLE BALL PLEX! THE BALL PLEX! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY!! COACH NOT COOL! The LA crowd are on their feet expecting that to be all, as Krista slinks herself on top... 1... 2... NO!! Leon pulls his hands from his private parts in time to force the shoulders off the mat! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" COLE It looks like Krista's unique style has finally caught up with the World Heavyweight Champion! We are on the verge of crowning a new Champion, a second female World Champion in OAOAST history, this crowd can sense it and so can we, unless Leon can recover and fast! Left nursing various body parts Rodez lays hurt on the canvas. Krista is up and calling for the end as she waits for Leon to get back up. With the crowd solidly behind her, Krista measures Leon to his feet and goes for the KIDolo... NO! Leon shoves Krista away as she attempts to go for the kill. Despite the injuries he's able to duck a clothesline, getting Krista up for the back suplex this time and converting into a blue thunder powerbomb! COLE IT'S DA BOOM! There's the recovery! 1... 2... NO! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" As Krista kicks out Leon cringes, but forces himself to his feet. COLE Back and forth this match goes, much like their meeting last year, where Krista eventually came up on the winning end on her way to capturing the Money In The Bank prize. And Leon must be wondering now, like so many others have in the past, if he can beat Krista. So far, none of those others have been able to in one on one competition! With his earlier gameplan the only one to bring him success so far, he goes back after the leg. As he bends down to pick a leg though, Krista vaults the other leg over and uses the World Champion like a pommel horse, escaping his clutches. Confused, Leon then walks right into a spinning wheel kick! COACH How the hell did she do... whatever she just did!? Jumping over the fallen World Champion, the booty goes back into furious motion, Krista loading up the booty shaking moonsault. The booty shaking part is there, you'd better believe it. But the moonsault is jeopardised by raised knees... ...but Krista lands, blocking herself from landing on those knees! Sweeping them away, she then jumps up again AND DOUBLE STOMPS LEON IN THE FACE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE More outstanding agility from Krista, she could have it right here! COACH Outstanding agility and extreme cruelness, she stomped his face! Not finished yet, Krista drags Rodez across the ring towards a corner and scales to the top. After a quick pause for some more ass-shots, she takes off with a picture perfect MOONSAULT from the top rope! 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE But Leon is hanging on! This match so much about Krista's story, Krista's journey, but Leon Rodez isn't interested in being on the other-side of the fairytale. He wants to stay the World Champion! "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" Krista does go, back to the top. She's forced to pause though as Leon is able to drag himself back up, cutting her off in mid-perch. Climbing to the middle rope he looks to attack, but Krista fights him off with some open handed chops to the chest. She eventually manages to shove Leon back off the ropes, but he lands on his feet and scales right back up, determined not to be denied. Beginning to elevate Krista up onto his shoulders, Rodez is caught with an elbow though. And another. He drops back off the ropes and that allows Krista to get her footing on the top rope. KRISTA YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKED NERDLYS SO I HOOKED YOUR CAR UP WITH A NERDLY SO WHEN YOU DRIVIN' YOU GOT YOSELF A NERDLY TO LOOK AT DAWG! I ALSO PAINTED IT PURPLE SINCE YOU LIKE PURPLE SO MUCH! Having PIMPed her insult, Krista looks to come off the top with a double stomp... ...but Leon moves out of the way! Krista lands on her feet, causing her knee to buckle slightly, all the opening Leon needs to trip out the legs and go for the LIONTAMER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE Leon going for the submission, this would be TRULY historic on this 300th episodic episode of HeldDOWN~! COACH If Krista loses by submission in her hometown, we might never see her face again! She'd become a recluse, too ashamed to face the public ever again! GO LEON! Fighting the hold, Krista struggles to prevent herself from being turned over. She thankful more than ever for all those stomach crunches and sit-ups she's done, her strong abdominal muscles coming in very useful to fight Leon off. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Struggling against both the power of Krista's legs and the groundswell of support from the crowd, Leon can't get the challenger turned over. And eventually she's able to fight her way to the bottom rope, a drained Rodez slumping over the top despairingly. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE No joy for the World Champion! COACH Right now's where you gotta smell the coffee. Wake up to what's around you. Thousands of screaming fans, the TV audience watching on and an unbeatable woman across the ring. Roll on out, take a countout, or grab a chair and waffle her. That's the only way you're leaving as World Champion tonight Leon. COLE I'm sure there's many people who are thinking the same thing. But Leon is out to prove them all wrong, to prove himself as a worthy World Champion. And beating Krista is going to do that, in the ring, not via technicality. Leon wearily picks Krista back up, kicking her in the knee a couple of times. Miss California is backed against the ropes, the rest of her Californian underlings trying to give her some much needed support. They can't prevent her from being irish whipped though, then caught off the ropes with a Powerslam! Following up, Rodez drives his body weight down with a back senton! And then covers... 1... 2... NO! Getting desperate, Leon drags Krista up again. Realising he's not going to win while holding anything back he dishes out a forearm smash to the jaw. A second forearm connects. With a quick spin, he then slams a Rolling Sole BUTT into the well-toned abs of The GLAADiator! COLE It's one thing asking if Leon has anything to finish Krista off, because we don't know what, if anything, there is that anyone could do to accomplish that! Leon has to find something though. After a deep breath, Leon loads up and comes off the ropes looking for the Shack Attack. He tucks and rolls, but MISSES the clothesline, getting caught in position for the side effect... but he manages to throw Krista aside before suffering that move. A boot to the gut doubles Krista back up again, this time getting her arms double underhooked. Leon then elevates Krista up looking for the Tiger Driver... ...NO! Krista counters with a hurricanrana, bringing the crowd to their feet!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Leon rolls back to his feet and walks right into the head hook and the side effect, better known as Blonds Never Pay A Cover!! COLE SHE GOT IT! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE Only a two count! Hardly a moment to catch your breath at this point! COACH Krista can't even find chance to slow down and do something bizarre, that's how crazy this is! Grabbing Leon by the arm Krista attempts to fling him into a corner, but the fling is reversed and it's KID sent towards the turnbuckles. However, she avoids contact by stepping up onto the middle rope. COLE Look at that! Once Leon realises what's going on, he charges... *SMACK!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...RIGHT INTO A FLYING SUPERKICK OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE, CATCHING HIM CLEAN IN THE JAW!!!! COLE LOOK AT THAT! Krista dives on top, hooking the legs... 1... 2... 3!! - NO!!!! TWO COUNT ONLY!!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Oh my how close was that!? Some of the fans jumped the gun, people celebrating prematurely, but that right shoulder came up just in time and Krista has not won this match just yet LA! Deep breaths all around, from the fans and from the participants, all trying to get their breath back. Including the Duncan family in the front row. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" To her feet, Krista flicks the hair from her face and doubles over trying to catch her breath. Even fitness queens get winded sometimes! Thing is, they recover quickly too. Krista hits the ropes as Leon gets back up, swinging with a clothesline. Leon manages to duck underneath though, then scores with a dropkick to the knee, the same knee he's intermitently focused on during the match! That timely move draws sighs and then boos from the crowd, unhappy to see their queen in trouble. Also winded, Leon is slow to follow up, walking over to Krista who's on one knee. He grabs her by the hair, looking to pull her up. But she grabs him by the BALLS, looking to pull something else! COLE Oh, the Blue Ball again! COACH This woman is a menace! If I went around doing that to people, I'd be locked up by now! Some hot white lesbian woman does it and suddenly it's a 'signature move'. That's American justice for ya'll. Having felt the eye-watering effects of this move once before, Leon doesn't hang around waiting for Krista to let go. He reaches down and shoves her away... ...unfortunately, right into a CLUNKing of the head with referee Mike Chioda, who was behind Krista pleading with her to break the hold!! COLE Uh-oh! COACH Not this shit again! Thinking the exact same thing, Leon is distracted by the referee going down and goes to check that he's okay. Aside from a sore eye he seems to be and Leon goes back to the match... ...AND WALKS RIGHT INTO KRISTA LEAPING AND HITTING KIDOLOGY... ...NO!!!! LEON BLOCKS AND COUNTERS INTO THE LIONTAMER!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" COLE UNBELIEVABLE! Leon has turned the tables, Krista is trapped! COACH Set the TiVo! History! History! Finally able to turn Krista over this time Leon places the knee in the back completing the hold. To the complete despair of the crowd, Mike Chioda is able to shake off the effects of the head to head collision, enough to drop beside Krista and check for the submission! "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" "PLEASE DON'T TAP!" COLE This crowd is trying to will Krista to stay in this match, those World Title dreams are slipping away, oh, so agonisingly! Krista tries with all her might to crawl, face etched in pain. None of the Duncan girls in the crowd can look as the rest try to will their hometown heroine on. Leon is struggling now, trying to force the submission, pulling back on the legs in a last ditch attempt. Locking eyes with her family in the crowd, Krista looks despairingly, realising all of their faith and hope is doing her no good at all... ...her arm hovers in the air, causing screams of 'NOOO' to go up all around the arena! But they're not in the hold and they don't know the pain Krista's feeling, as she makes one last effort, shaking her head... ...before her hands comes down, GRASPING THE BOTTOM ROPE TO THE DESPAIR OF THE WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!! "YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE I DON'T BELIEVE IT! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" The atmosphere erupts to another level as Leon sadly lets go of the hold and falls to a knee. Krista is still in pain but at least free of the hold, giving renewing hope to the crowd. COLE What does it take... what does it take to beat Krista Isadora Duncan!? This woman just does not give up! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Hauling himself to his feet, Leon drags Krista back up, slowly and painfully. The Los Angeles fans are rampant in their support again as Krista slumps back against the ropes. A weak forearm rocks her. And a second. Leon then attempts an irish whip, but it's reversed. Leon manages to hang onto the ropes on the far side though, putting on the brakes. COLE What a main-event to mark this historic 300th episode! COACH Episodic! With Leon against the ropes, Krista finds the strength to charge in. A dip of the shoulder sees her elevated up and over the top. But she lands safely on her feet on the apron! Grabbing the top rope, Krista then slings herself back in, catching hold of Leon on the way over AND BRINGING HIM DOWN ACROSS THE KNEES FACE-FIRST!!!!! "YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE KIDOLOGY!!! KIDOLOGY!!!! Leon's head snaps back and after a couple of agonising seconds, Krista falls on top... 1... 2... NO!! THE REFEREE GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!!!!!! COLE WHAT!? Maybe unsurprisingly, it's MISTER DICK who's interjecting himself and he shoves Chioda in the chest to knock him on his BUTT. Mister Dick then quickly jumps into the ring, popping Krista with a right jab, just to confirm the deed and give Mike Chioda no choice but to call for the least popular disqualification in wrestling history! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE NO!! SON OF A BITCH, NO!! Mr. Dick can afford to smile as he puts the boots to Krista, amidst a CAULDRON of noise from the Los Angeles crowd! It doesn't take long for the trash to start flying into the ring, all aimed at The Human Hard On, as he wails away on Krista. "FUCK YOU DICK!" "FUCK YOU DICK!" "FUCK YOU DICK!" "FUCK YOU DICK!" The boots keep on raining in and so does the trash. Mr. Dick catches one food wrapper lobbed at him, using it to wipe into Krista's face for further humiliation! COLE I can't believe this! I can't believe this rotten, no good, son of a... this DICK! This Dick has just cost Krista Isadora Duncan the World Heavyweight Title in her hometown! COACH Well you know what they say, paybacks are a Dick! Disbelief starts to set in amongst the anger as Mr. Dick drags Krista around the ring, stopping to yell at the raging crowd. But suddenly a cheer goes up, as THA PUERTO RICAN skids into the ring and jumps Mister Dick from behind!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE IT'S PRL! AND HE WANTS A PIECE OF THE DICK! COACH .... COLE Metaphorically. Tha Puerto Rican lays into Mr. Dick with a flurry of punches, backing him up into a corner and continuing to go to town! Legs flailing, Mr. Dick falls against the turnbuckles, PRL not stopping his attack and stomping a mudhole in the Texan's chest and walking it dry! Able to pick himself up, Mr. Dick manages to shove PRL away a step and tries to get away, but is pulled back by the short shorts and rocked with a SPIT PUNCH! He then staggers around to Krista, who is up and delivers a PUNT TO THE BALLS!!! COACH Not there! Mr. Dick's pride and joy is smashed, leaving him open for a double clothesline from PRL and Krista. Taking a spill, Mr. Dick dives over Leon, who is still laying KOed beside the ropes, heading for the hills. PRL climbs the turnbuckles and dares him to come back, but The Human Hard On has clearly accomplished what he set out to and manages a smile as he looks back at Krista fuming at him. COLE A small piece of revenge, but not nearly enough for Krista or PRL! Mister Dick has conspired to ruin the dream homecoming for Krista and to ruin this 300th episode of HeldDOWN~! As Mr. Dick is hounded on his way down the aisle, Tha Puerto Rican plays to the crowd, fired up still having not gotten all he wanted tonight. Krista manages not to seem too disappointed, more incredibly pissed off. She still accepts a handshake from PRL though, the former World Champion raising the hand of the would-be World Champion to the adoring cheers of her hometown fans. COLE Unsatisfying though the ending may be for Krista legions of fans, we hope that you have enjoyed this 300th episode of HeldDOWN~! and we thank you for supporting us in the 299 previous! Here's to another 300, here in the OAOAST. We will be in St. Louis next week for 301! We hope you'll join us there. Goodnight everybody! As Krista accepts the adulation of her fans, HeldDOWN~! FADES OUT for a 300th time. GOOD NIGHT SWEET, SWEET, WORLD

COLE Well folks, we're back, and still trying to let the events that just transpired sink in...we were told the Deadly Alliance would shock the world here tonight on the 300th HeldDOWN~!, and they certainly did just that, as it appears they have overthrown their leader and Deadly Alliance mainstay, Alfdogg, seemingly led by Reject! We'll have more on the condition of Alf, and hopefully get the motivation for this heinous attack in the days to come from what now looks to be the Reject-led Deadly Alliance stable of four. The dramatic playing of LA Symphony Orchestra ring out across Dodger Stadium as the crowd gear themselves up for the final, epic encounter in a night that has already burned itself into the annals of wrestling history. Hehhe anals. The gigantic Angletron screen changes flashes up a new graphic. On the left stands Leon Rodez, clad in his favorite purple robe, holding his shiny world title belt over his shoulder. Beside him is Krista Isaodra Duncan, showcasing her Hollywood beauty with an alluring pose. On the left of the screen stands a stocky man with reddish-brown hair and a title belt over his shoulder, flanked by another man with spectacles and a steel briefcase. His name flashes up below him A super imposed image of the world title appears on screen, prompting words to flash up underneath… OAOAST WORLD TITLE “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE But if anything could get the stunned audience in Los Angeles back into the show, this is it! Krista, the City of Angels' own, gets her shot at the World title and Leon Rodez! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for your world title mainevent on the 300th episode of HeldDOWN! The contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Introducing first the champion COLE This is it, Coach. One way or another history will be made. The shareef dont like it! On the Angletron comes a rapid fire montage of some of Leon Rodez’s best moments, including scenes from his title win over PRL. Purple lights flood the entrance stage, stretching as far as the first few rows of the audience. Into this scene comes the robed figure of the OAOAST World champion. He spreads his arms in celebration of the moment, expecting to be received warmly by the capacity stadium crowd. Expectations are not met however as he’s summarily doused in shower of jeers and boos. This unnerves the Grand Rapids Golden Child, who’s normally beloved every where he goes. Now wearing an anxious look about him, he holds tight to his belt and heads to the ramp. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring…from Grand Rapids, Michigan. He is a former OAOAST X Division Champion, a former OAOAST Tag Champion, a former 6 man champion, a three time 24/7 champion and the current OAOAST world champion, representing the In Crowd, he is The Grand Rapids Golden Child LEON ROOOOOODEZZZZZZZ! “BOOOOOOO!” the disdaing audience makes the Golden Child feel like fool’s gold. Unable to comprehend how they could be so hostile towards him even if he’s wrestling one of their own, he tries to maintain his composure. He doesn’t do this all that well, struggling to even remove his robe. Much to the audience’s humor several ringside attendants have to help him. In the ring he decides not to push his poor luck any further and merely tries to remain as noticeable as possible by stretching out in the corner. Stretching unfortunately doesn't get very far and so he only waits for his foe, bouncing back and forth on his boots. COACH This boy looks he’s gonna do a job! Like the real world champ got sick so they went to a temp agency and got the 1st skinny dude with gelled spikey hair, hoping no one would notice. You about to be on the wrong end of shortest world title match in HeldDOWN history. 300 seconds for the 300th show. COLE Leon has every right to look the way he does. We all have figured the crowd would be pro Krista, but I doubt anyone expected them to be this anti Leon. Personally, I’m a little shocked myself. But either way Leon is a fantastic competitor and he’s going to focus his all on retaining his title. Krista’s 1st effort to upstage her already anxious opponent could possibly be her grandest effort of all. Cal’s entire marching band pours out from the backstage area, flowing down the ramp and then washing up to surround Leon in the ring. Despite only being encased by a marching band, Leon can’t help but assume a defense posture as though someone might attack with their tuba. I’ve seen it happen, for real! The entrance stage his made a change from the boring Grey steel to the an excting multicolored tiled light display. On top of this display dance the very gorgeous LAKER GIRLS But even the appearance of the Laker Girls pales in comparassion to the mammoth indescrible ovation that comes out from the stands when Krista Isadora Duncan makes her first appearance. She stands beside her FATHER, with her arm between his as though he were giving her away at her wedding. Her face is lit up with a smile as bright as the stars in the California sky, but she still manages to play it cool by only nodding to the hometown crowd that worships her so dearly. She’s dressed slightly more consertavily than usual because she’s with her father and DAMN IT YOUNG LADY I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE 37 YOU WILL NOT WEAR THAT OUT THIS HOUSE!!! While the Laker Girls continue their arresting dancing, Krista and her father head down the ramp. BUFFER Being escorted down the aisle by her father CONGRESSMAN JOEL DNCAN...she is Los Angeles born and raised...she is a New York Times best selling author, a reality TV star, the founder of the FIT with KID line of exercise videos, a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, a loving mother, a four time tag team champion, a n12 time Angle Award winner, the 2009 Female Personality of The Year, the 2009 wrestler of the year, and that's just what she did this morning, Los Angeles, your very own KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAN! The crowd puts out a monstrous roar that could be heard all the way across both oceans. The ramp has also undergone a serious conversion, the frantic flashing of the lighted Walk Of Fame making it like something out of Saturday Night Fever. Congressman Duncan seems to want to shake the hands of his voting public, but his daughter merely flips her vibrant hair as the Laker Girls groove around them. Meanwhile Leon stands in disbelief, over the pageantry. COLE Leon might just be asking himself why he didn’t get this kind of treatment when he made his triumphant return to his hometown at the New Years Spectacular. COACH Leon should reply to himself, by asking himself, where’s his star on the walk fame? That’ll give you your answer right there, country boy! Krista’s normal desire for showing off her billion dollar body would have her twisting her legs across the rope in a spicy routine. But with her dad here, she plays perfect daddy’s little girl, and lets him hold the ropes open for her to make a ladylike and G rated entrance. The Laker girls soon join her and together they move and groove to the audience’s gigantic and noisy delight, before they all drop to their knees and put on an enthusiastic pose. “BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOOM!” COACH Leon Rodez, ya time is up, son. The wealth of people that make up Krista’s entrance make their return towards the back, with the marching band playing themselves out the stadium. Krista gives her father a quick peck on the cheek, sending him on his way to suckup to more of the voting public. The Congressmen heads to front row to greet his granddaughters and Alix who loudly serenades him with Yankee Doodle on the jug. COACH Where is Krista's mother? COLE Krista said that she couldn't get away from her post as satan's hand maiden but sends her best wishes regardless. Oh, and she says to tell you that her mom said she, being Krista, is starting to show her age in the cheeks. But she means that with love.

Show is up!

The Wall by Kansas hits, and The Deadly Alliance makes their way to the ring. COLE And the Deadly Alliance promised they would shock the world, right here tonight! I can't wait to see this! Alf climbs into the ring, followed by Sandman rolling inside, TK climbing in, and Reject and Mr. Dick escorting their ladies inside. Alf grabs a mic. ALF OK, first of all...I want to talk about what happened last night at AnglePalooza. Last night, our guy, Mr. Dick, had the World championship in his grasp...when out of nowhere, Tha Puerto Rican runs out, and hits him with a steel chair! COLE And it was well deserved! Alf pauses for a second. ALF Not since the Lakers' acquisition of Pau Gasol have I witnessed such highway robbery in the sporting world! *crowd cheers* Sandman whispers something to Alf. ALF Excuse me. Except for Sandman9000 NOT being awarded Title Reign of the Year at the Angle Awards! *crowd boos* ALF But that's OK. Unlike some other organizations in sports...*coughDodgerscough*...the Deadly Alliance won't need another 20 years to earn another shot at that title. It's only a matter of time, before Mr. Dick gets his hands on PRL, and gets his revenge, and then, there will be no choice but to grant him another shot at the big one. Reject asks Alf for the mic, who gives it to him. REJECT Thanks. I know what you were going to get to next. You were probably going to express frustration over the fact that I eliminated you from the Lethal Rumble match this past Sunday. Well, you know what? I'm not going to lie to you, Alf. It was my intent to eliminate you at that point. COACH Wow! Alf has a confused look on his face. REJECT Wait a second...however, my intent was to eliminate both you and Bo simultaneously. That way, the Deadly Alliance gets the win! You see, I've got to give you credit, you could have come out here and whined about how unfair it was that I took advantage of you, but you didn't. You're putting team first. Alf nods in approval, as the crowd boos. REJECT Well, I'm putting team first, as well. You know what, nobody knows this until now...but when the decision was made for the Deadly Alliance to add a fifth member, Alf was against the idea, as he didn't want to tamper with the formula. He felt we should stick with four members. Alf asks for the mic back, and gets it. ALF I said that at the time, yes, but Mr. Dick has been an excellent addition to the group, and as I said earlier, is more than worthy of a return match against Leon Rodez. So, I'll admit, I was wrong. Alf gives the mic back to Reject. REJECT Well, Alf, I agree. Mr. Dick has been a tremendous addition to the Deadly Alliance. However, I've been doing some thinking, and as it pertains to only carrying four members in the group...you were right, Alf. Alf looks confused once again. REJECT You see, once we added that fifth member, in fact, even before that...the Deadly Alliance hasn't been getting it done. Sure we've had our share of gold...but we could be so much more. With all the talent in this group, the sky is the limit! I just feel like something's holding us down to the ground. And as I said, I've done a lot of thinking lately, and have come to the conclusion that you were right, there should only be four members in the Deadly Alliance. So, that means one of us has to go. Alf begins to question Reject on his thought process...when he suddenly gets CLOTHESLINED FROM BEHIND BY THUNDERKID! The crowd is in shock, as Sandman then delivers a big kick to the face as Alf is on the mat! Reject takes a step back, as Mr. Dick lifts the legs of Alf, and STOMPS HIM IN THE NUTS~! This brings a smile to the face of Reject, who instructs TK and Sandman to hold up Alf, who is on his knees. Reject then grabs Alf by the face. REJECT (w/out mic) YOU asked for this! (shakes face) You're FINISHED! It's OUR TIME. Reject then SLAPS Alf across the face, and TK and Sandman toss him down to the mat. Reject then instructs Mr. Dick to grab something from ringside. Mr. Dick slides to the outside, and grabs a chair, tossing it inside to Reject, who slams the chair on the mat and waits for Alf to get to his feet, as the crowd starts to boo. As Alf turns around, he gets DRILLED with a sick chairshot from Reject! Reject looks out to the crowd, which is now showering the new four-man DA unit with boos. Sandman scoops up the bloodied Alf, then grabs him in a standing headscissors, and plants him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 TK picks up Alf, as Reject sets up the chair in mid-ring. TK then lifts Alf onto his shoulders, as Reject stands on the chair. Mr. Dick keeps the chair balanced, as Reject jumps in the air, taking Alf off of TK's shoulders with a EULOGY THROUGH THE STEEL CHAIR~!!!!!11111 The now four DA members stand around the prone Alf for a second, then stand over him at his head, and the four members raise their arms for a stunned crowd as The Wall plays.

TONY TOURETTES SHARES HIS FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MOMENT Tony is sitting backstage with Vinny Valentine, Biff Atlas, and Ken Pantera. TONY My favorite HeldDOWN moments have been the times I hid in the towel hamper outside of the womens' shower! I've seen EVERY FEMALE TIT IN THIS COMPANY! VINNY Dude...seriously? TONY FUCK YEAH, DUMBASS! VINNY You're the dumbass! You just gave away your hiding space! You'll have to think of something else now. TONY ...oh yeah. BULLSHIT! Suddenly, the door bursts open, and the Burrough Boys come barging in, with Luther carrying a bottle of vodka, and Waldo carrying a sandwich for some reason. MARIANO Word, you really wuz up in da bitches' showers? LUTHER Go on, baby, tell us about it. TONY FUCK YEAH, NIGGA! QUINCY ... MARIANO It's 'wit an -a, it's coo'. QUINCY Word. So, about them showers. Tony pulls out a large trashbag, then pulls out a towel. TONY Alix's vag, right here. Tony shoves the towel into his face, and takes a deep sniff. TONY Ahhhhhhhhhhh. LUTHER ...this nigga is crazy. Tony then grabs another towel, and extends it to Biff. TONY Smell. Biff falls over in his chair, and scoots back to the wall. TONY You were just telling me how much you think about Melody! Well, this will add some realism! Tony tosses the towel at Biff, who rolls on the floor to avoid being hit by it. TONY Hey guys...speaking of Melody...her and her sister Maggie...I've seen them in the shower, too...and they have a very close kinship, if you catch my drift. The BB's start getting giddy and talking amongst themselves. WALDO We thought dey was beefin' over Leon...naw, 'dat was all just sexual tension between da two a' dem. Ya notice dey both pushed Leon to da side! QUINCY Oh, SNAP! What you know 'bout Malaysia, 'Tone? MARIANO Wooooo, I bet she tasted all da bitches in dat locker room! Lined 'em up in line formation, on all fours! LUTHER Man, you got my dick hard jus' thinkin' bout her linin' me up! Gimme one a 'dem towels, Tone! Luther covers up with a towel, as the rest of the BB's burst into laughter. Vinny then snatches the towel away. VINNY Hey Luther, what about Jade? I heard she craves that dark meat! LUTHER Stop that shit, fo' real! Luther rolls onto the floor into the fetal position, as Waldo jumps up and throws his fist in the air, continuing his laughter. WALDO Hey Luther, Molly wants yo' McButter! Quincy rolls onto the floor in laughter, as Mariano approaches the camera. MARIANO Yo, dat was T-squared's HeldDOWN~! moment! We out! Fuck da West Coast, Brooklyn 4 life, son! Mariano throws up an East Coast hand sign as the camera fades out.

DJ GIANT JESUS SEGMENT MELODY NERDLY SHARES HER FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MOMENT MELODY My favourite HeldDOWN~! Moment... it HAS to be when Leon was the 24/7 Champion and he put out that goofy open challenge. And then a guy dressed up like he'd wandered off and got lost from a Star Trek convention over the road, although I'm pretty sure there wasn't one on that date, anyway he came out and he was called 'The Spock'. And he was doing a Rock impression. Because they rhyme? Isn't that the most ingenius thing you've ever heard of in your life? MELODY That was a satire-higher level of wrestling, no doubt about it. I actually checked this morning and there are like 450,000 views of that match on YouTube. When they make the best of Leon Rodez DVD that'd better be a DVD extra, or at least an easter egg. Five stars. BACK TO THE ARENA. COACH (sarcastically) Why did we ever get rid of the 24/7 Title? IN THE MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT COMMERCIAL

ALFDOGG CELEBRATES THE GREATNESS AND HISTORY OF THE GOAT FRANCHISE THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS Cut to the inside of the Staples' Center, and zoom up to all of the Lakers' banners and retired jerseys. Alfdogg is sitting in a chair in the catwalk above. ALFDOGG So you want to know my favorite HeldDOWN~! moment? Well, it's pretty obvious, it's got to be the night I took the OAOAST World title for the first time against Caboose, July 22, 2002! ALF Of course, there's so many great moments to choose from, that no one could narrow it down to just one! But, me being the outstanding mind that I am, there's your one great HeldDOWN~! moment! They really should have made a separate HeldDOWN~! moments show, just for me. But alas, no one has that sort of foresight in this company. I gotta go now, but first, I got a surprise, we've been working on this all day. Zoom out, cameraman. The camera zooms out to display all of the Laker banners and retired jerseys. ALF OK guys, let it go! A giant banner drops down, covering all of the jerseys and banners. ALF :( COMMERCIAL

TONY BRANNIGAN SHARES HIS FAVORITE HeldDOWN MOMENT BRANNIGAN I guess it’s true what they say, time sure flies when you’re having fun. And fun I had wrestling on HeldDOWN~! Two moments in particular: the debut of Black T in the spring of 2004. The OAOAST tag titles had recently been vacated and a one night tournament was held to crown new champions. Dan Black and I entered as a mystery team and defeated 3 other tag duos in one night to win our first of three OAOAST tag team championships. Let’s flashback. BRANNIGAN Great a moment as that was it’d get topped one year later when amidst civil war between Upstarts and Originals I captured the OAOAST Championship in a grueling contest against then-champion Axel, one of the Upstarts leaders. BRANNIGAN Unfortunately my reign would be short-lived, as I'd drop the title back to the man I won it from a couple of weeks later at the Great Angle Bash. But there you have it, folks. A couple of my favorite HeldDOWN~! moments. History is made with every show and perhaps something you see tonight will make it to air the night we celebrate the 500th episode of HeldDOWN~! Until then, enjoy the rest of the show. 300 EPISODES OF MAGIC COLE What a classic moment in time. OAOAST Marks, its time for a very unique twist on our celebrity guest concept. COACH Pacman Jones is here to buck shots at you? COLE No, Lil Wayne is standing by with OAOAST Superstar and Deadly Alliance member…Mister Dick! Just like that we’re transported to a luxury suite where hiphop megastar Lil Wayne sits besides the Angle Award winning couple of Mister Dick and Malaysia LIL WAYNE What’s up world, I am Lil Wayne and I’m here at Dodger Stadium chilling beside Mister Dick. I am the VIP reporter and I don’t wanna hold you up, I just wanna see how your doing? MISTER DICK Lil Wayne. First things first, son, I don’t know nothing about little. I been big just as long as I can remember. I was a big man on campus in high school, I was a big man in the NCAA at Texas A&M, I was the big man carrying my worthless sack of stink partner in The Gunslingers, and I’m a big man in bed. Ask the girl of any one of these Viagra poppin can’t get it up sorry excuses for a man sulking around backstage. You wanna know how I’m doin? I’m about as good as a skunk lyin in the middle of the road inches away from a runaway tractor trailer. PRL, Tha Puerto Rican, the Colombian son of bitch I left lookin bloody and beaten for the good of this here industry all them months returned and jumped me from behind. Didn’t even face me like a man, jumped me from behind like a coward or a homo and cost me the greatest damn prize in this business! Now I’d like to have a civilized discussion between gentlemen over a bottle of jack and some playin cards about this whole here mixup, but I don’t think he’s in the building. This boy don’t wanna be part of the celebration! I think he got a case of the limber tale. I’m Superman, and he’s Clark Kent, you ain’t ever gonna see us together, because he’s a no good pansy! He can only confront me when I’m on my last leg in the most important war I ever done been through! But when I’m healthy and good to go, he takes his bags back down to whatever stinkin Mexican dump he comes from and he hides far away from me! LIL WAYNE Are you callin’ that man a chicken? MISTER DICK He ain’t no chicken, cause I ain’t gonna insult a chicken like that. PRL is chicken shit! Ya’ll heard the words out mouth, that boy is chicken shit! I laid a beatin on him sure as I had to do, but I aint say he gotta stay out the OAOAST forever. I just said he’s gotta stay out the world title picture, because we got no room for frauds and phonies like him. But instead of commin up to me like a man and givin me my do gratitude for letting him keep his job, he attacks me! That shoulda been enough right there! But that boy if ya give him an inch he’ll take a half city block and come back for the other half six minutes later. He entered that Letha Rumble. And he almost won! Them dopes couldn’t keep him from making them all a fool! I personally had to interject myself into the proceeding’s to keep him from trashing another Anglemania! PRL, I hope that’ll be the last of our issues and if you know your place it sure as hell will be. We’ll call ourselves, even, boy, I ain’t gonna mess with ya and you ain’t gonna mess with me. But I did promise to make damn certain you ain’t never see hide nor hare of the OAOAST world title again. That means if you you get a little big for britches and think yer gonna be huntin down the OAOAST World title, we’re gonna be getting in this ring, son, and somebody’s gonna get their ass whupped! And its gonna be you! MALAYSIA Hehhehehe, I can’t wait to hear him scream. LIL WAYNE Krista Isadora Duncan’s got a title shot just a night after you lost your’s what’s that like for you? MISTER DICK What’s that like, son? I’ll tell ya what its like, its like someone took a branding iron and slapped me across the face with it that’s what its like. I ain’t never done no moment of wrong in my life and the OAOAST is payin’ me a damn disrespect by givin that whore princess a chance at my title! I’ll tell you what, Lil Wayne, ain’t no way or no how is she gonna have a happy ending tonight! I won’t let that woman take hold of my world title! I’d sooner walk out there and kiss a man in holy matrimony than see that. You can bank on that. LIL WAYNE Aight! Thanks for that, Mister Dick and Malaysia! COMMERCIAL

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following match on the 300th edition of HeldDOWN is a Venice Beach Bunny Brawl! "YEAAAAAAAA!" The camera switches to a shot of the OAOAST ring which is littered with various beach paraphenilla. Its even spilled over to the outside where goodies are set up in front of the guardrail. BUFFER Introducing first the special guest timekeeper! The stadium’s speakers pour out the drippy melodies of Creed’s Higher. A fond pop of remembrance goes up from longtime OAOAST fans who eagerly await the arrival of this former superstar. They needn’t wait for very long as Mad Matt makes his way out the entrance doors. He waves to the fans with a polite smile as they give him a solid ovation for his service to the OAOAST. COLE Alright Mad Matt! A former X Division Star and a rival of such big names as Sly Sommers and Axel. Matt trots down the ramp, slapping hands with the audience and even taking the time to sign autographs of programs for this legendary show. BUFFER He is a former X Division Champion and true wrestling dare devil….MAD MATT! The one time star of the X Division takes his place at the time keeper’s table. The smile on his face hasn’t even come close to fading, as he’s simply so giddy about being back in the OAOAST. COACH You wanna impress me with a former champion, get Men on A Mission, former tag team champions. Cause I’m a man on a mission, a mission to find out who thought Mad Matt was a worthy superstar to roll out for the 300th HD. Who thought I would find this cump ruining my good T&A match acceptable. COLE Personally, I’m delighted we’re paying tribute to the people who made this company so great! BUFFER And the special guest referee! The Sooner fight song brings out a loud roar from the audience, who finds a dancing Jim Ross to be the funniest thing since Gallagher. That’s right, folks. None other than Jivin JR, dressed for the occasion in a tuxedo, emerges onto the stage. Thrilling the hooting and hollering audience he does sprinkler for as long as he can before running out of breath and having to be carried down the ramp by security. BUFFER He is Black T’s former manager he's eaten 600 buffets and counting out of business he is the fat, the dancing, the disgusting….JIVIN JR! Inside the ring JR seems to have regained his breath. Or just enough to remove his tux and show that he’s dressed for a day at the beach in a Borat style bikini. COLE Hahahah! Vintage Jivin JR! COACH This is how we chose to celebrate 300 episodes of hard work and dedication to sports entertainment? This is how we honor our struggle and sacrifice? I hope someone in power takes a flair flop onto a landmine. Awful! Relative normalcy returns to Dodger Stadium when the ear grasping piano melody and unhinged power of Another Body Murdered rumbles over the landscape. The Boo Yah Tribe’s aggressive rapping is the perfect accompanied for the scowling Holly as she steps onto the entrance stage. Her thin ballerina like physique fills out a red skull patterned bikini top and matching beach skirt, while her back is adorned with golden angel rings. She gives the middle finger to the nearest camera before walking down the ramp with hands on hips and lips twisted into a snarl. BUFFER Introducing first…from Las Vegas, Nevada, she is a former OAOAST Women’s Champion, she is the Angel of Death….HOLLY! Remembering Jivin JR and his odd nature all to well, Holly threatens him with a raised as she enters the ring. With JR’s fright keeping him at a distance, Holly is free to sit in the corner and impatiently wait for this whole charade to come to an end. COLE Holly a beacon of joy as always! Paul Oakenfold’s “Sex and Money” takes the audience on an up tempo electronic adventure that’s heightened in pizzazz and flash by the miniature green pyro fountains that carpet the entire stage. The reaction for Lorelei DeCenzo is decidedly negative from the very city she calls home. The loud booing isn’t lost on Lori and she dismisses her fellow citizens with a frustrated wave of her hand. BUFFER And her first partner, she comes from this very city, she is The Money Honey, Lorelei DeCenzo. Although wearing the jaw dropping outfit of blue Hawaiian patterned bikini and matching mini sarong, Lori can’t garner a single solitary cheer from her own city. Her frustration over this is taken out on a production assistant for wearing blue while she’s blue and that’s just the type of color infringement that can’t happen on the 300th HeldDOWN~! COLE Lori may not look it but she is the true powerhouse in the women’s division. Her bullying style of wrestling keeps her always in title contention. Sizzling white and yellow bolts of electricity flash onto every single video screen in the arena. The lighting hanging over the steel entrance falls to a moody and depressive blue. A violent electrical bolt then blasts into stage flooring, causing some fans to leap back in fright. Through the misty fog that’s left in the aftermatch comes the disturbed Morgan Nerdly. Her cute little figure fills out electrical themed bikini bottoms and white top tyed up to her pert chest and exposing a lean and toned stomach. BUFFER And their partner from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada representing VICE and The Enterprise she is…INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY Morgan sulks down the entrance ramp, ignoring the fans who give her catcalls and applause over her deliciously revealing outfit. COLE Morgan and VICE got a big shock earlier tonight as Ragdoll revealed he’s the- COACH Terroist! The terrorist behind trying to murder Mister Moneymaker. Of course he won’t be suspended, he’s got an In with Josie Baker. But Ragdoll is a menace and an unwelcome presence here in the OAOAST. Inside the ring, Morgan leans forward over the middle ropes gazing with chilly disdain at the sea of fans. Behind her electrical sparks flare and cackle off the turnbuckles. “Beat It” finally gives the audience something to cheer about as a Matrix like code speeds down the Angletron until it forms the word PLAYER ONE! Melody jogs onto the stage wearing a Neo like trenchcoat that’s definitely not designed for any beach besides one’s visited by the cast of Underworld. Melody strikes a pose like's she wielding a light sabre before heading down to the ring. BUFFER And the opponent…introducing first from the fortress of Nerdlytude with the highest Gamerscore in Western Canada and 8th most channel views o all time on Youtube she is…MELODY “PLAYER ONE” NERDLY! Melody proceeds to have JIVIN Jr and the majority of the audience drooling all over themselves with this stunt... COACH I have wood. But, lemme tell ya this…I ain’t happy about it! “CrushCrushCrush” brings wild cheers from the jam packed stadium as green spotlights circle and twirl around the stage. Large pillars of smoke travel upwards, encasing the figure of Maggie Nerdly dressed like BUFFER And her partner and little sister, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is The It Girl and a former women’s champion….MAGGIE NERDLY! Maggie skips down the asile, RAWKing the night away as she gives high fives and fists pounds to her adoring front row fans. She slides into ring doing her best to try and take Melody out along with her. Unfortunately, Melody slides out the way and Maggie’s attempt at injuring her sister is a failure. Oddly that doesn’t sour the bikini babe’s mood, as happily she points at each turnbuckle to send up a tower of bright green pyro. COLE Melody and Maggie are never not at odds it seems, so it’ll be interesting to watch them try and get along. Throw Morgan into the mix and you have combustible, and half naked, situation. While the Nerdly girls argue simply for the sake of arguing, the entire Dodger Stadium audience comes to its feet to welcome their little girl. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The entrance stage lights are a powerful purple as they flash all around an Angletron that displays a pep rally inspired music video. A GIGANTIC reaction from the hometown crowd greets Jade Rodez-Duncan and its not even soured by the fact she’s much more conservatively dressed than her bikini clad partners in a beach skirt and LA Lakers baby top. The women’s champion smiles from ear to ear at the fantastic and heartwarming reception while holding her women’s title into the air. The somewhat plain intro is a little bit ruined by her kid sister MAYA DUNCAN BLANCHARD… with a funky spin move and pink coat at that! COACH Swagger at a hundred thousand trillion! Good mood just slightly tampered by Maya swagulent arrival, Jade throws her title over her shoulder and heads towards ringside. On the trip down she slaps hands with some of her hometown denizens. Maya on the other just fluffs her fake fur coat, remembering mommy says never slap hands with the crowd even if some of them are your neighbors. Alix Maria Spezia trails behind them, concerning herself with throwing flower petals from a basket, because, well ya gotta do something with them! BUFFER And their partner..she is from here in Los Angeles…she is the current women’s champion…being accompanied by the special guest commentars Maya Duncan-Blanchard and Alix Maria Spezia, she is JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN! Maya raises Jade’s arm up into the sky and points to with full enthusiasm, singing her praises to an audience that’s already well sold on her greatness. COLE Jade is making what she hopes will be a triumphant return to her adopted hometown. But you have to wonder if the world title match between her uncle and her mother has had any effect on her ability to mentally prepare. COACH I’ll say! The other girls are dressed like they’re going to interview for a job at Hooters and she’s lookin like she’s gonna do a sermon at the Vatican. Disguting! Maya takes up her position at the commentary booth. COLE Welcome Maya! Welcome Alix! MAYA What’s happening, daddio? I had basketball practice but I blew that Popsicle stand to make the scene here. TV is power, crazy awesome power, man. We’re gonna wig out and get copacetic, baby? Pow, pow, go cats go! COLE Ummm…. MAYA I gotta write a report on Jackson Pollack for my history class. So, I thought I’d become the man before I write the man. Its very high level kind of stuff. Mom says you wouldn’t understand because she replaces your blueberry juice with windex in her attempt to slowly kill you. DING DING DING COLE Mad Matt can sure ring that bell! Ding ding ding, yes sir! The stars are out tonight! Morgan and Melody begin the contest with Morgan trying to intimidate her elder sister with a challenging glare. “I don’t fear your electrical superpowers for I have mastered control of the space time continuum!” “So you can see the future, huh?” “In a sense, yes.” “Then you should’ve seen this coming.” Morgan shoves her big sister to the ground, eliciting a cry of annoyance. “Great job, Nostradamus!” Morgan mocks. “Yo, Lori, you wanna switch teams with me? Mine sucks!” Maggie complains form her corner. Melody isn’t quite as fatalistic as her sister and springs to her feet with a bold cry of “MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAT!” ALIX Ya know there was this movie a while back about a kid obsessed with video games and he went across country to a video game tournament all while avoiding this, like, mega evil bounty hunter. And ya know what’s worse? They made a movie about it starring Fred Savage! Do you think Melody wants Fred Savage to play her? Onto her feet Player One charges at her little sister. But Morgan clamps down on her with a headlock. Melody fights against Morgan’s hold, clawing at her bikini bottoms. But her fight doesn’t stop Morgan from torturing her with nooggies! COACH Damn, only Melody would be lame enough to get clowned on by the second youngest kid in the family. “You always thought you were better than me, Melly. I’m not gonna let you go until you tell me I’m the smartest and prettiest sister.” “If you’re so smart then what is pi?” “Pi is me snapping your neck in half with a spinning pile driver.” “I’m gonna channel my Mana use my stored power to burst out of here.” Amazingly Melody gets free of Morgan’s hold. However its not due to her Mana (Magic in dorkland) but rather due to Jade spraying Morgan in the face with a supersoaker. “Good job, Jade! The only way to counter someone with electrical superpowers is with water.” Taking this sound advice Jade hits the PI with another blast of water. The spray goes right up under her shirt and the fabric climbed up over her nice round breasts. While the Golden State may enjoy this, Morgan certainly does not and strikes their hometown girl with backhanded slap! Turning around towards her annoying elder sister, Morgan hears a loud cry of “SHORYUKEN!” And clocks Morgan with the jumping palm strike! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” “You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance.” Melody comments to her little sis. COACH Can you imagine wifin this chick up? This bish probably take you on a honeymoon to the new level she city zone she unlocked in Grand Theft Auto. Getting a new car would be winning one in Need for Speed, and your pet would be a good damn WALL-E robot! Melody applies the tag to Maggie which leads the RAWK chick to ask, “You done being a loser yet?” “Remember with great power comes great responsibility.” Melody reminds her. Maggie snarls “Guess not.” COLE It’s the babies of the Nerdly family hooking up, 18 year old Maggie against 19 year old Morgan. MAYA Its awesome to have a sister. I mean, its just great. There’s so much you can do with them. Put mice in their bed while they sleep, say embarrassing stuff when they’re talking to boys, leave the door open on the bathroom when they’re in there and there’s company over. Maggie turns to fire a shot at Morgan but has her punch blocked and eats a boot to the stomach. The blow pushes her back against the ring ropes, but she recovers and makes a mad dash towards Morgan. But Inspector Nerdly captures her in her arms and throws her over to the canvas with an amateur takedown. The basic move is made impressive by the fact that Maggie lands right into a pile of water balloons! Her perky breasts are instantly on display, stretching through the thin fabric of her cutoff MCR shirt. ALIX (singing) ALMOST PARADISE! We're knocking on heaven's door! ALMOST PARADISE! How could we ask for more? “You dumbass, you said water was her weakness.” Maggie gripes, straining water out of her shirt. “Hmmmmm, she must have evolved into some sort of second mutation. Beware!” “Grrrrrrr.” MAYA Maggie and Melody should really appreciate each other a lot more and treasure every little insult and catty comment. One day one of them will be manning the fortress of Nerdlytude outpost in heaven, and all the other will have is their ghost to tell them how much they suck. Less appealing to the audience is Morgan grabbing a bucket full of sand and dumping the entire contents onto Maggie’s head. Her pink highlighted hair now littered with grimy brown specks, the youngster Nerdly spews words that just aren’t appropriate for a girl her age. Morgan grabs onto her arm and attempts to throw her towards the ropes. But Maggie reverses the hold and sends Inspector Nerdly into the ropes. The Private Eye comes back leaping through the air to catch her arms around her sister’s head. In one swift motion she takes her back to early 90’s prime TV with the Unsolved Mystery (DDT)! ALIX Hark! I am fortunes fool for my misdeeds have sewn a life chained to a drunken middle aged battle axe when I could sip the tender juices of innocent Nerdly jail bait. Morgan rolls to her corner and slaps the outstretched hand of Holly. ALIX Holly has really weird hair, ya know. Its like someone just holds her by her ankles and dips her in an easy bake oven for 10 minutes. Holly enters the match with a thundering left cross across Maggie’s face. The “It” Girl recoils, clutching her cheek and stunned from the force of the strike. Holly merely stands in place, sneering and inviting Maggie to try and match her power. Unfortunately for her Maggie responds to the invitation with a punch that’s ten times as forceful as her’s. “OOOOOOOOH!” MAYA Heh, that was awesome Maggie! Tell that Holly to take her P out her ear and kiss your A! COLE Why are you using letters? MAYA Because I’m a kid, dumbass! Holly returns fire with a punch that stumbles Maggie backwards. But as soon as the former women’s champion recovers she begins battering her rival with blows that pop the sold out stadium audience. With a hold on Holly’s wrist she tries for an irish whip. But the Angle of death shifts momentum and its Maggie sent trotting to the ropes. As she returns Mrs.Mann throws out a forearm, but Maggie uses her own forearm to block it. The counter puts Holly off balance and leaves her wide open to the spinning round house kick Maggie slams into her face! Down goes Holly, thrown to the slick surface. MAYA Don’t taze me bro! This is a great match! ALIX Yikes! Young lady if your mom hears you needlessly complimenting people, instead of subtlety devaluing her sense of self worth she is gonna be sooooo PO’ed. You’re gonna get punished to a weekend of chucking beer bottles at the homeless on skid row till you learn your listen. While checks to make sure all her teeth are in place, Maggie scoops up a nearby bucket. Holding the water filled container, her thin lips crack a devious grin. The grin spreads into a full smile as she watches Holly make a slow rise off the canvas. Once her foe is halfway up, Maggie giddily launches the water at her. Owing to miracle, Holly is able to slide out the way and the blast of water lands fully on Jivin JR. “The poison! The poison! Damn these Alliance bastards! Damn them! God save mah WWF SOUL!” ALIX One time when I was in New York, I saw this like dead dude at a bus stop in the Bronx, and instead of calling the 5-o, I just dressed him up as Chief Sitting Bull and did routines from Annie Get Your Gun. So like maybe having to be on the same hemisphere as Jivin JR in a wet bikini is my karmic punishment from my hindu spirit masters? Mags rather wisely decides to ignore the the OAOAST’s most embarrassing alum and instead terrorizes Holly with elbow strikes. But Holly counters by stabbing her combat boot into Maggie’s bare stomach. The Afterparty is doubled over, clutching a stomach who’s fair skin has now turned red. Holly seizes on her moment of weakness by heading to the ropes. As she returns she prepares to strike Mags with her leather covered arm. But, Maggie captures her outstretched limb and brings it down across her shoulder with the Deoderator! “YEAAAAAAA!” Holly stumbles around the ring, hounded by the white pain in her arm. Moving quickly to take advantage of Holly’s state, Maggie takes hold of the last remaining sand bucket. She wastes no time with sly smiles or devious grins, and instead rushes to Holly to dump it right down her swimming trunks! The fans pop but Holly hasn’t a moment to complain before Maggie leaves her lying with a dropkick. COLE Talk about your junk in the trunk. Pleased with her humiliation of her archenemises, Maggie gives the cheering crowd even more to celebrate when she tags in hometown girl Jade Rodez-Duncan! “YEAAAAAA!” screams Jade’s fellow Golden Staters, blowing the roof off the building. Wait, we’re in the Dodger stadium. There is no roof to be blown off. COLE Little Miss California into the ring with a big time Hollywood reception! COACH Do you think these morons remember that just a month ago Jade was going by the name Little Miss Detroit, so she wouldn’t get booed out the Joe Louis Arena? MAYA I kinda sorta hope they don’t remember that one time she had too much cough syrup and ran around in her undies calling herself Raingelica cat queen of the rain people. ALIX So that wasn’t just a sweet, beautiful, crazy wonderful dream. Jade storms forward and levels a rising Holly with running forearm smash that has the audience popping huge. She motions for Holly to return towards her feet, and when the Angel of Death does she traps her within a front facelock. “Lemme hear ya!” Jade shouts. “JADE! JADE! JADE! JADE!” her hometown fans sing at the top of their lungs. However, they’re sorely disappointed as Holly manages to break free with a succession of punches to Jade’s ribs. The California cutie regains her strength rather quickly, and darts back at Holly. But the former women’s champion captures her inside a fisherman’s suplex setup. COACH Time for a ride down Rodeo Drive! Thankfully for stadium audience, their girl summons an uncharacteristic amount of strength and powers out the hold. Frustrated with her failure to execute her signature hold, Holly swipes at her foe with a lariat. But Jade ducks beneath the strike and swings behind the Angel of Death. She places her hands on Holly’s bare back and shoves her towards the ropes. Lorelei makes a blind tag with Holly. However that doesn’t do much to help the redhead as her rockstar makeup is shredded by the E!ziguri! “JADE! JADE! JADE!” chant her loyal supporters. But Jade hasn’t a second to acknowledge them before Lorelei totally obstructs her vision by spraying suntan lotion into her eyes. Sight totally filled with a stinging whiteness, Jade can’t prevent Lori from snatching hold of her arm. Within moments Little Miss California is being brought to the canvas by a devastating neckbreaker! COLE Jade an unfortunate victim of the E-Commercide. Lori further enrages the sold out audience by “digging “ a grave over Jade’s body. Once her demeaning taunt is complete she drops a leg onto Little Miss California. But the plucky women’s champion slides out the way and Loreli’s limb crashes right into the canvas. Jade quickly scurries back to her and rolls her up into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! But Lori kicks out. The fans are greatly pleased with Jade’s performance, but Lorelei is far from thrilled and curses up a blue streak. She gets to her feet, ready to strike at Jade. But it’s the cute cheerleader who draws first blood with a right jab. A left leaves Lori stunned on her feet, and a spinning lariat knocks her over to the canvas! “EXCLUSIVE RICH LITTLE BLONDE GIRL KICKS ASS!” the fans sing. COLE That’s my line. Jerks! As The Dollar Doll is left laying from Jade’s signature strike, Little Miss California decides to take a page out her mama’s playbook. COLE She got it from her mama! ALIX I wanna say that rocks my knee high ankle socks, but I’d be sending the message of “Hey, friends and family, I’m turned on by the daughter of my girlfriend who’s 12 years younger than me.” So I’m gonna say it pretending to be Abe Lincoln, “Four score and seven years ago our founding fathers brought forth upon this continent Alix Maria Spezia’s inalienable right to be turned on by the daughter of her girlfriend who’s 12 years younger than her.” But unlike Krista’s, Jade’s booty shaking ends only in humiliation and utter failure as Holly comes to shove her to the ground. MAYA “BOOOOOOOOO!” “A new challenger appears!” Melody quotes Street Fighter as she tags her BFF to prevent her from incurring further embarrassment. Into the ring Melody batters Lori with slaps that resemble E.Honda’s hundred hand slaps. Lori fights back with piddling blows, but they can’t stop Player One from irish whipping her to a neutral corner. Lori crashes back first into the ring posts, where she grouses over her now sore back. “GET OVER HERE!” Melody shouts in a Scorpion from Mortal Kombat voice, not realizing that you have to have a grappling hook to shoot from your hand to make that work. Thus Melody is forced to come after Lori herself. But by the time she reaches The Money Honey, Lorelei is well recovered and knocks her foe down with a leaping knee strike. She then hooks Melody’s leg for a fall… ONE! TWO! But Melody lifts her shoulder off the canvas. Lori grabs onto Melody’s odd Emma Frost inspired outfit and leads her upright. But Player One gains a sudden burst of energy and begins wailing away at Lori with the hundred hand slaps. Weakening her with the ferocious strikes Mellow Yellow is able to again throw her into a corner. Problematically its her own team’s corner, and Morgan applies a blind tag. But Lori refuses to allow Melody to have the last shot, and comes running back towards Player One. Problem is Melody has already preoccupied herself with a hula hoop! ALIX Oh wizened hula hoop let no one ever doubt the gifts of your benevolence! And poor Lori runs herself right into the timeless toy! More humiliated than hurt, she rolls away to the outside to stew in her misery. Morgan takes a more wise course of action than Lori, evading the hula hoop altogether with a missile dropkick that topples Melody to the canvas. COACH Sometimes it’s the simple things like Melody getting dropkicked in the face that make you appreciate the subtle beauty of this thing called life. “GOOD GAWD! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY MARINATING ON A HEARTY PLATE OF TEXAS RIBS LYING ON NAKED BODY OF A WELL SHORN JOHN WAYNE! AS GAWD AS MY WITNESS, SHE'S BROKEN IN HALF! BROKEN IN HALF LIKE MY SECOND MARRIAGE TO AN ARABIAN SNAKE CHARMER!” JIVIN JR screams while doing the cabbage page. COLE And sometimes it’s the simple things like Jivin JR that make me wanna bring a submachine gun to work. Melody rolls back upright, and tries to put some distance between herself and little sis. But Morgan quickly cuts short that distance by striking Melody’s exposed stomach with a running knee. She lands three more strikes into her slender stomach that have Melody howling in pain. Then Morgan hooks her arm around Melody’s head in a front facelock, and grabs a tight hold of her bikini bottoms. While the audience may enjoy the peak at Melody’s heart shapped BUTT they don’t enjoy Morgan spiking her head off the canvas with a lethal implant DDT. “GOOD GAWD WHAT POWER BY the 6’9 326 POUND MAN BEAST MORGAN NERDLY! Played her football at Ohio State where instead of dumping Gatorade on the coaches, she’d dump the blood of their next of kin!” JR comments to no one in particular. While JR rambles off inaccurate vital stats and made up football accomplishments, Morgan ascends to the top rope. The stadium audience murmurs with anticipation over what could be a deadly and beautiful aerial assault. Jade is highly aware that her best friend is in serious trouble and takes steps to prevent her downfall. She picks up a water balloon from ringside and with all her strength throws it at Morgan! “YEAAAAAA!” screams the fans as Morgan’s breasts pop out like cannonballs beneath her well strained shirt. Morgan seethes with fury, no doubt considering charring Jade with a highly deserved electrical blast. But, Jade is only a minor worry compared to Melody who’s running up the ropes. Once she reaches Morgan she dazzles the audience and severely vexes her sister by throwing her off with an arm drag! Morgan hits the ground with a hard thud that shakes the ring despite her miniscule body weight. COLE Melody scoring big with that arm drag. But not big enough to keep Morgan down, as the Inspector rises to an unsteady base. Melody charges in expecting to strike down her baby sister with a Zangief style spinning lariat. But Zangief is probably the crappiest dude in Street Fighter, and thusly Morgan catches her twirling sibling with a flap jack. Though Melody is able to catch Maggie’s outstretched hand for a tag she can’t avoid landing throat first onto the ring cables. “OOOOOOOOOH!” “Avenge me!” Melody croaks before falling over to the canvas to stage an overdramatic “death” scene. Maggie merely rolls her eyes at her sibling rival and moves on to confront Morgan. But Morgan is well prepared for her arrival and tags her in the face with an elbow strike. As the strike leaves Mags woozy, Morgan is able to slip behind her to tuck her head beneath and her shoulder and her around her scanty bikini bottoms. Maggie is hoisted into the for the Electric Thunder (backdrop driver) But midway through the hold, she shifts positions and slides onto Morgan’s shoulders to bring her down with a head scissors. Maggie lands with her tight tush on Morgan’s chest, and her sweet spot very close to Morgan’s face. “SUGGESTIONS OF INCEST BY GAWD! ITS LIKE WHEN AH SAW THE WRIGHT BROTHERS KISSING ON THE TITANIC BEFORE THEY GOT ON THEIR ROCKET SHIP AND FLEW TO THE SMURF KINGDOM!” exclaims the pudgy referee. Morgan flips forward before JR remembers he’s supposed to count, taking her turn for a pinfall and to pop the fans with the scintillating position. But JR can’t even move his blubbery body down to count as Maggie reverses on the hold. She leans forward, leaving plenty of her milky white flesh for the audience to feast over. But the view is only a brief one thanks to Morgan kicking out the pinfall. Both Nerdly girls head to their feet with looks of fury filling their face. But, Morgan connects first landing two solid shots on Maggie’s chin. Maggie’s dizzied state let’s Morgan snatch her inside a gorilla press position. Her wet breasts rise proudly as her arms stretch Maggie high into the sky. Once she extends Maggie as far she possibly can, Morgan throws her forward and lets her fall quickly through the air. Mags comes down right across Morgan’s outstretched knee! The audience shrieks in horror, watching the It Girl clutch her now sore midsection. Morgan has zero sympathy for the youngest girl in her family and strikes her head with a harsh stomp before tagging Lorelei back into the contest. “BOOOOOOOO!” the audience seethes, showing no hometown love for Lori. The Dollar Doll orders Maggie back to her feet, forcing her to expend her own energy to rise. Once Maggie rises, Lorelei surges forward and tags her in the stomach with a punch. Not one to endear herself to the audience, the Money Honey mockingly claps for her foe before using her highlighted hair to snap her backwards to the mat. While Maggie clutches her aching head and grimaces in pain, Lorelei wins over a few fans by showing off her statuesque figure with a sexy twirl. She then loses all those fans when she drives the point of her elbow onto Maggie’s face. Lori then hooks Maggie’s leg for the pinfall… ONE! TWO! But, Melody breaks it up by chucking a beach ball at Lori! “YEAAAAAA!” “Strong am I with the force.” Melody warns Lori in her best Yoda voice. Apparently Melody’s endless streams of dorky thoughts exhausts Lori’s patience and desire to fight. As such she brings in the baddest bitch in the OAOAST, Holly. Entering the ring, Holly hits Maggie with the most vile of sneers. She then surges forward and plants her boot into the small of Maggie’s back. Maggie screams out in agony, feeling like Holly’s combat boots totally punctured her lower back. COLE Who’s ever heard of wearing combat boots to a beach? MAYA Actually the German youth group De Kinstien, known for outfitting themselves in aggressive military wear, is often seen wearing combat boots to the beach. COLE I like Sponge Bob! Do you like Sponge Bob, little girl? MAYA Your ignorance shames the broadcast profession. But most importantly, it shames yourself. Holly grabs onto the strings of Maggie’s bikini top, and uses it to bring her rival to her feet. Taking hold of an arm, she’s able to irish whip Mags away. Holly lowers her head, thinking Maggie will fall for her leapfrog bait. But the baby of the Nerdly family refuses to fall for such tricks, and when she comes back she captures Holly’s arms and twirls her into the backslide. The audience pops for both Maggie’s counter and the delicious panty shot it brings them. ONE! But Lori is right there to break up the pin. Ignoring the inane warnings of of Jivin JR, Lorelei drapes Maggie’s arm beneath her’s as she pulls her off the canvas. The sold out fans are horrified to watch Lori nail the It Girl with her trademark urange into a back breaker. COLE What a move! MAYA Yes it is. In no small part due to the female back being perhaps one of the weakest and most susceptible body parts on a woman between the ages of 17 and 35. COLE If I gave you some cotton candy would you quit showing me up. MAYA Cotton candy rots the teeth, and rotten teeth leads to a rotten mind. After all an abscess in the mouth can cause brain damage. Holly has the leg hooked for pin that’s counted by Black T’s former manager… ONE! TWO! But Maggie scrapes her shoulder off the canvas, giving hope to a stadium full of OAOAST Marks. “MAGGIE! MAGGIE! MAGGIE!” the fans chant, rallied by Melody and Jade. Although clearly exhausted from her trying time in the ring, Maggie uses the fans’ support to bring herself upright. But back on her feet, Maggie is struck by a swift body blow that doubles her over and leaves her nauseated. Holly then tightens her into a front facelock and as she scowls at her foe’s corner she swirls her gloved finger into the air. COACH What would the 300th HeldDOWN be without an ode to the Heavenly Rockers? ALIX Good. Watchable. Entertaining. Acceptable. Amusing. Not something that causes me to vomit. Want me to go on? I’ve been reading the dictionary. Yeah, you can say it, I’m awesome. But the dreaded finisher is never able to come to completition thanks to Maggie cinching her arms around Holly’s skinny waist and gracefully flipping backwards with a northern lights suplex! “YEAAAAA!” Dodger Stadium hollers, as Holly land directly onto her head. COACH Son of a! How you gonna jack a woman’s swagger! MAYA She’s got some dirt on her shoulder could you brush it off for her? As the audience continues to cheer and roar in support of the Afterparty, Maggie makes a slow and painful trek towards her corner. On the video screens she can see Holly already beginning to stir. This motivates her to move faster, but her sore and tired legs can hardly comply. “MAGGIE! MAGGIE! MAGGIE!” the audience’s chant scales louder, trying to will her to the corner. COLE Maggie has got to make it to the corner! Holly is now on her feet, and though her vision is blurred by her aching head she can still see Maggie trying to make an escape. She rushes over to her just as fast as her combat boots will allow her. Her hands fall on Maggie’s ankles, in a desperate effort to drag her back to the center of the ring. But Holly’s actions are made futile when Maggie is able to scrape just the tips of Jade’s fingertips! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the audience goes entirely wild, their cheers for their hometown heroine sounding like booming thunder. Holly drops her hold Maggie and immediately goes after Little Miss California. Wild haymakers are launched at Jade, but the adorable cheerleader deftly avoids them and shoves Holly into the corner. Holly tries to quickly stumble out the way, but Jade remembers the Little People in her life by using her uncle’s double knees in the corner. Holly sinks to the ground, grabbing onto her jaw and cursing her rotten luck. Rotten luck then becomes absolutely miserable luck as the women’s champion slams a running dropkick into her chest. Holly slinks over to the canvas, agonized whimpering falling through her lips. “Here’s a treat for my all Cali fans!” Jade shouts to her people. That might have been more impressive if Jade hadn’t trampled over Jivin JR at the end. Massaging his sore fat JR whines, “BAW GAWD THIS MATCH IS CRAZIER THAN A PET COON SLATHERED IN BBQ SAUCE AND BLESSED BY THE KISS OF THE HOLY JESUS SAM BRADFORD OKLAHOMA QUARTERBACK!” Unlike her mother, who’d impale JR with her heel just on principal, Jade tries to apologize for her gaffe. Unfortunately her moment’s distraction is all Lorelei needs to sneak into the ring. She tries to embarrass the more modest of the Duncan girls, by the pulling her skirt down. The staunchly pro Jade can’t help but betray their allegiance at the first sight of Jade’s panty line. But unlike her fitness model mother, Jade is horrified at the removal of clothes and shrikes like a banshee as she bats Lori away. Now enraged over her failure to humiliate Jade, Lori runs in on her. But Jade slides sideways and lets The Dollar Doll collide with the turnbuckles! “JADE! JADE! JADE!” Lori backs away from the turnbuckles, stunned and short of breath from her collision. Things certainly don’t get any better as Jade pounds on her with a ferocious flurry of punches. MAYA That’s funny whenever Jade hits me, I snag her into a cross armbar I learned in my self defense lessons when I was in Girl Scouts, and I keep it there until she says she has to pee. Then I let her go, only to find I’ve locked every bathroom in the house. All 10 of them. Finally, Lori fights through the onslaught of punches by rolling beneath a slow moving left cross. She grabs Jade into a rear waistlock and without wasting a moment of time lifts her up for a German Suplex! But Jade counters the throw by rolling forward and bringing Lori down into a rollup! ONE! TWO! Holly breaks up the pin with an elbow drop to Jade’s head. “BOOOOOO!” COACH Dishin out the pain Angel of Death style! ALIX What the monkey? Why dontcha just say she dropped an elbow? Does a hospital kitchen worker say “dishin out the flavorless processed food, minimum wage worker style?” Hissing at the booing fans, Holly brings Jade off of Lori and to her feet. But Jade begins fighting by back by striking her with rapid fire punches. However, Holly puts an end to her parade of attacks with a vicious headbutt! “BAWGAWD SHE HIT HER LIKE MY EX WIFE USED TO HIT ME AFTER A FEW HOURS ON THE MOONSHINE!” Holly winds up to clock the dazed cheerleader with a massive haymaker. But Maggie shields her best friend from harm by spearing Holly right through the ropes! The pair crash through the ropes, hitting the outside mats with a loud and hard thud. “Save the cheerleader…save the world!” Melody bellows in triumph, producing an eye roll from the exhausted Maggie. Meanwhile in the ring, Lori has Jade setup for the Cashflow (fisherman’s DDT). But Jade stages a monumental struggle and manages to haul herself out of Lori’s clutches. She hasn’t any time to rest thanks to Lori swinging an elbow at her. But Jade avoids it by swinging behind her, and then traps her in place by hooking her hands beneath her chin. COLE Is she gonna get it from her mama? Not quite as Lori slips through the hold to bring Jade to the canvas with a Samoan drop. “BOOOOOOOO!” But the fans disgust quickly changes to joy when Melody comes in do her part to save the cheerleader, and the world. Problematically her flying axe handle slam strikes the rotund official, causing him to cry like a baby deprived of his diaper. MAYA You’d think the fat and blubber would act like an anti-impact forcefield. Melody pays the overdramatic ref little attention and instead goes right to work on hammering Lori with forearms. After the third strike connects Melody gives herself some room with a few steps backwards and then.. “Tatsimaki Senpuukyaku!” Scores big with spin kick that leaves a KO’ed Lori flat on her back! “ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!” MAYA Oh no! Behind the still crying JR’s back, Morgan has singed her sister with an electrical blast. While the horrified fans fret over Melody’s health, a wholly unconcerned Morgan lays her arm across her’s in a casual pin. JR shuts down his water works just long enough to attempt the pinfal… ONE! TWO! THREE! The audience can’t believe what they’ve just witnessed, having fully expected to see Jade give them a feel good moment. But, Little Miss California can only enter the ring in defeat, and lend her aid and assistance to her ailing partner. On the outside, Mad Matt earns his $300 apperance fee by ringing the bell BUFFER The winner’s….MORGAN NERDLY, HOLLY, AND LORELEI DECENZO Lorelei is the most overjoyed of the three women, accepting JR’s congragulations with gracious poise and style. Holly is too busy arguing with Maggie, and forcing security to step between them. Morgan merely hangs around ringside, grinning at the ill gotten victory. COACH Could you call that a “shocking” victory”? MAYA If alliteration is the wit of excellence then puns are the wit of excrement. COACH COLE Maya your mom has a big opportunity tonight as she faces down Leon Rodez for the OAOAST world title. Are you excited? MAYA As excited as my early teenage rebellion will permit me to be! ALIX Call me crappy annoying girlfriend, or Jennifer Love Hewitt, if ya want, buuuuut I’m sort hoping she loses. Pissed off sex is like a gazillion times better than celebration sex. MAYA

ANGLEPALOOZA 2009 REPLAY AVAILABLE NOW! PLZ ORDER. I OWE MONEY TO ANGRY YAKUZA BUSINESSMAN WITH A PROPENSITY FOR DISMEMBERMENT! COLE AngleMania VIII, just 77 days away now. And we already know one half of our main-event in Indianapolis. This past Sunday's Lethal Rumble saw the awakening of a Meterosexual Monster... COLE So it will be Bohemoth challenging for the World Heavyweight Title on the biggest stage in the OAOAST, AngleMania, after surviving 29 other opponents. And we will hear live from the new number one contender next week in St. Louis, where I've got the exclusive first interview on this very show. In the meantime, our backstage cameras caught footage of Bohemoth as he came through the curtain fresh off of the biggest victory of his career. And here's an exclusive look at that. >> Just past the 'go' position we catch up with the Rumble winner, distant sounds of cheering fans still audible as he's just gotten through the curtain. Sweating from his half an hour plus exertion, Bohemoth limps through the walkway into the main backstage area, to find Josh Matthews waiting for him. Bo has to take a deep intake of breath, wiping some of the sweat from under his nose as he smiles. MATTHEWS Bo, congratulations, how are you feeling moments after winning the Lethal Rumble? BOHEMOTH Oh man. First of all, I'm feeling relieved to have survived, hung on and won the thing. When it came down to just me, Alfdogg and Reject the odds weren't looking too good. But I'd come too far to throw it away at that point. Two on one, didn't matter, I dug in and I did what I said I was gonna do and that's win the Lethal Rumble. And now, that means I've got a whole lot to look forward to I guess. World Title, AngleMania main-event. It's been a long time coming but I'm there. And it feels great. MATTHEWS Well congratulations again Bo, great job, we'll let you go and celebrate. BOHEMOTH Thanks Josh. Patting Josh on the back Bo limps on, being greeted by a congratulatory hug from a certain blonde just as we fade out. PATTY SEZ: I know who that blonde is! I am smarter than ALL OF YOU! COMING UP NEXT VENICE BEACH BUNNY BRAWL MELODY, MAGGIE, JADE VS HOLLY, MORGAN AND LORELEI NEXT! COMMERCIAL

ZACK'S HD MOMENT

SPENCER REIGER SHARES HIS FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MEMORY SPENCER REIGER My favorite HeldDOWN memory…I don’t think I actually have one. I tried but I can’t think of any single thing that’s memorable about this show. There’s nothing I would want to waste precious brainspace on. But, I guess for the sake of your dumb question, and so I don’t get yelled at, I’d say my favorite memory hasn’t happened yet. Its when I become OAOAST world champion and take this company to the next and ultimate level in athletics and entertainment. The only problem is your great and awesome champ, the good honest guy from Grand Rapids that says he’s taking on all comers is a phony and a fraud. You’ve been champion since November, dude. November! That’s three months, and you’ve defended your title twice. Two measly times. Fighting champion? Fighting champion my ass, you aren’t worth crap, Leon Rodez. You take a cowards way out, because you’re avoiding the one person who will most definitely go down as greatest world champion in the history of time. Myself. OAOAST Marks, the Mark in your name implies you’re stupid but don’t be stupid enough to let Leon Rodez or the front office pinheads trick you into thinking he’s a fighting champion or that I have to pay my dues before I get my shot. They know exactly why I’m stuck bickering back and forth with wrestling’s last real asshole, Tim Cash. They see the virtuous fun loving guy they’ve worked hard to make into a star, they see his title reign crashing to an end when I get near him. The OAOAST is very afraid of your’s truly. Everyone on top knows the only person that can stop Spencer Reiger is Spencer Reiger. My star power is too much power for the likes of them, and if I get any kind of shine on they’ll never be able to control me. That’s why I had such a lousy draw in the Lethal Rumble. Its random for 29 guys. But for New York’s Finest its nothing but a useless rigged sham. I would’ve been better off staying in the hotel room ordering room service. They didn’t want me maineventing Anglemania. And why’s that? Its because I’m the only person bigger than the event itself. Deep in their minds they know if I got anywhere near the top of the card, Anglemania would become Spencermania! I don’t know what most of you do for a living. You probably live like bums and flip burgers before going home to take care of a kid that everyone knows isn’t your’s. I on the other hand was born for success. I’m not just a superstar in the OAOAST, I’m a superstar in life. I always have been. I fly high enough to kiss God on the lips. OAOAST Marks, I realize HeldDOWN has been full of some most boring tripe ever shoveled onto television. But, don’t you worry, I promise to give you something worth remembering in the future. 300 EPISODES OF MAGIC COLE Well, folks, I said there’s celebrities here and god damn I won’t allow the likes of you to accuse me of being a liar! Here’s Josh Matthews standing by with Kristin Dunst. Josh stands in a luxury booth with the talented and lovely Kristin Dunst. JOSH Hi, Miss Dunst, how are you enjoying the show? KRISTIN Very much, thank you. Its great to be apart of this excellent event, thanks for having me. JOSH How could we not. After the Sandman and Venom hold you captive in a taxi cab suspended thousands of feet in the air. KRISTIN Um…hold on a second. JOSH And a few years before that Doctor Octopus kidnapped you to get at Peter Parker, and the original Green Goblin never made things easy. KRISTIN You do know that’s a movie, right? None of that stuff never happened? JOSH What about Harry flying in to rescue Peter from the Sandman? That happened! KRISTIN Nope sorry. All special effects. Guess what else? That wasn’t even James Franco in there it was a…stunt double. KRISTIN Yes! JOSH I need time to process this shocking information. Back to you.

and JAMES BLONDE AND LANDON MADDIX SHARE THEIR FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MEMORY BLONDE I think it's pretty obvious what my favourite memory of this show is. One of the great moments in the show's history, in the company's history even, the night that changed the world. It was everything great moments are made of. You had drama. You had excitement. You had a story of triumph, a conquering hero, his beautiful assistant. Truly a memorable moment in the OAOAST and on HeldDOWN~!, one that will be spoken of for years in hushed tones of awe. MADDIX That's right, it's the night I won the World Heavyweight Title! COLE The main attraction here tonight undoubtedly the OAOAST World Championship match in our main-event. The stars are out in force to support hometown hero Krista Isadora Duncan in her pursuit of the gold. Emotional favourites don't come too much bigger than Krista in LA. In the face of this partizan atmosphere, World Champion Leon Rodez finds himself in the unusual position of spoiler. How is he feeling ahead of tonight's big title defence? He's standing by with Josh Matthews. We find the aforementioned interview and World Champion in front of the HD interview backdrop, a noticably more serious World Champion than usual. MATTHEWS Leon, first of all congratulations on retaining the World Heavyweight Title at AnglePalooza. But as relieved as you must be, little time to dwell on the celebrations from Sunday, as tonight you must defend against Krista Isadora Duncan, in her hometown, never beaten in singles competition. RODEZ So you want to know my thoughts? Quite frankly I'm not sure of them myself. Of course, I'm feeling happy to still be the World Heavyweight Champion. Am I happy with how it went down? Not a bit. Here I stand, on the 300th episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN, representing this company as the World Heavyweight Champion and it's an honour. But I don't feel much honour over what happened Sunday night and to be honest it's one of a few things bugging me just a little bit at the moment. Leon scratches at his neck uncomfortably. RODEZ AnglePalooza was my first big test. Tonight was supposed to be the second. Problem is, I didn't exactly pass the first with flying colours. What with Mister Dick wiping out the referee and Tha Puerto Rican sticking his nose in, Sunday night left everybody with more questions than answers about me as a World Champion. MATTHEWS Well when PRL came down, you were in a pretty bad way. RODEZ Yeah no kidding, I'd just got punched in the nuts. If you want, we can see how you cope with the rest of the interview in a similar condition. MATTHEWS No, that's... that's fine, thank you. RODEZ Besides, I never asked for nor wanted PRL's help. Right after I won the World Title, I vowed to everyone that I was going to be a fighting champion. For the good of the company. For the good of the fans. Not only that, for the good of me, because I realise I've got to prove myself as World Champion. What I wasn't expecting was for my first Pay Per View title defence to be tarnished by outside interference to help me retain. That's not what I had in mind when I vowed to be a fighting champion. Not by a longshot. So I really didn't prove a thing. MATTHEWS Tonight you've definately got the chance to make that up and prove yourself though. And then some. RODEZ Krista's record speaks for itself. There's... something about her. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking any different, because I've been in the ring with her before and I know what she's capable of. She throws people off their gameplans. And it's gotten to the point where psychologically, she's got half of her opponent's beat before they even step into the ring, because they're either so worried about the record, or they're so obsessed with not falling into Krista's gameplan that they don't have time to impliment their own. Don't get me wrong, it's not all headgames. You don't go as long as she has without a singles loss to her name without having talent. But you've got to deal with the headgames or you're done for. So with that said, all of that plus her hometown behind her, you could argue this isn't just my toughest title defence, it's one of the toughest title defences any World Champion has ever had to make. But am I worried? ...well, maybe. But I'm also looking forward to it in a sick, twisted way. This... this is what being World Champion is all about. Nights like this. Challenges like this. If I can overcome this, nobody can doubt that I'm World Title material because it'll be talked about for years to come, that on the 300th HeldDOWN I overcame the odds and put on the performance of a champion. So for all the motivation Krista's got behind her, I've got more than enough of my own. Sunday's been and gone. Tonight, it's all about erasing that memory and creating a better, longer lasting one. Because I don't intend on becoming a footnote in history, I intend on MAKING history. Leon walks off, still in determined mood. MATTHEWS Okay guys, back to you. To Sofa Central. COLE The World Champion clearly focused, but champion or not he goes into tonight's main-event as the underdog to many. Well, to the majority, if you factor everything in. We spoke to leading Las Vegas bookmakers earlier in the week to get their thoughts on proceedings and although they rudely laughed us off and insisted they'd never provide odds on professional wrestling, the last letter of the last word they said, "Off", is an 'F'. And since 'F' designates 'Female', it's clear the Vegas oddsmakers have Krista as their favourite. Very interesting. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL