Patty O'Green

BUFFER OAOAST Marks, the following is a second round Anderson Cup bout! “In the Air Tonight” by Non-point hits and the team of CPA and Detective Tango Bosley head to the ring. BUFFER Introducing first, representing THE ENTERPRISE, at a total combine weight of 545 pounds, they are Violators, Intimidators and Capital E-fenders... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH These are the real heroes, Mikey. Fighting terrorist like Ragdoll to keep our shores safe. COLE VICE certainly got a shock tonight, as did we all, when we found out Ragdoll was behind the explosion of Moneymaker's limo and the theft of his Angle Award. COACH I liked that dude a lot better when he was hyped up on drugs and ranting bitterly about his brother. Doesn't he appreciate all Moneymaker has done for this company? V.I.C.E. remove their coats and prepare for battle as “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down is cued. BUFFER And their opponents, total combine weight 485 pounds… TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Cash and Windels walk down the aisle slapping hands and full of smiles. But it’s all business once they reach the ring, quickly tossing aside their pre-match attire to get this one underway ASAP. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and in a surprise twist, Detective Tango Bosley is the one to offer Tim Cash an opening handshake. Unsure whether to accept, Cash looks to the crowd for advice. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Remember this is the same guy who sold you down the river, Tim. He’s no friend of yours. COACH Quit being so cynical, Mikey Cole. That’s a pre-January 20, 2009 mindset. Public concerns aside, Cash goes in for the shake…NOT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" His generosity often abused, Cash basks in the glory of being the one to pull a fast one on somebody else, his former partner no less. Bosley isn’t so amused, though, kicking the bottom rope in frustration. COACH And he’s supposed to be wrestling’s last real good guy? COLE Well, you know what they say about doing unto others. COACH Yeah, and we’re about to see Detective Bosley do a number on Tim Cash. Pissed to no end, Bosley slams his black blazer to the ground and demands Cash lockup. They do and Tim eats a knee to the midsection followed by a judo chop to the neck. Whipped across Cash ducks a spin kick and executes a SUNSET FLIP off the middle rope, but struggles to bring the AMOG down. Enter Baron Windels. BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS~!!! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Working in tandem, the Citizen Soldiers dropkick both CPA and Detective Bosley. Cash stays on attack chopping his former partner overhand style. Tango reverses an Irish whip and military presses Cash, who manages to slip free and SCHOOL BOY the brash detective. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The Citizen Soldiers tag and Cash sends Bosley on his way once again. Bosley goes under Cash’s leapfrog and runs into a COWBOY BEBOP ELBOW from Baron Windels! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Bosley falls towards his corner and tags CPA. Theodore Moneymaker’s certified personal ass-kicker steps over the ropes and pounds his fist in anticipation of introducing it to the face of the Lone Star Gunslinger. They hook ‘em up and CPA muscles Windels into the corner and forearms him in the midsection, drawing the ire of referee Earl Hebner who sought a clean break. COLE With all due respect to Earl, he was kidding himself thinking CPA would break. The man only likes to break necks and cash checks. Fired to the far corner BW evades a charge and scales the turnbuckles. “IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!” he enthusiastically shouts, but CPA waits below with open arms and delivers a POWERSLAM! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Save by Tim Cash. COACH Cash understood the seriousness of the situation right there, Cole. He realized Baron was in big trouble there. CPA rams Baron into the buckle, then showcases his boxing skills using BW as a human punching bag! Since he apparently didn’t learn his lesson the first time, CPA again shoots Baron to the far corner…and again he moves. This time CPA crashes shoulder-first into the ring post, which leads to a tag by the Citizen Soldiers. Clutching his arm in pain, CPA staggers mid-ring and gets leveled by a MISSLE DROPKICK! Wrestling’s last real good guy quick to cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT, AND WITH AUTHORITY! Cash dares to apply the MIDWEST SLING but CPA’s legs are too big, and he gets knocked silly by a hard right for his trouble. COLE Tim Cash trying to do too much right there. Instead of going for the submission, he should’ve kept employing that quick strike attack that was working so well for him. COACH Nice guys finish last, Cole. CPA just reminded Tim Cash of that. CPA looks to smash Tim’s face with his fist. Fortunately for Cash, he rolls aside to avoid a gruesome fate, but that doesn’t stop CPA for trying again and again. Having escaped harm’s way time after time, Cash finds himself out on the apron. Tim ducks a haymaker and snaps CPA down on the top rope, then flings him across with a head scissors takeover. Off the ropes Cash gets scooped in the air and MILITARY PRESSED ONTO THE ARENA FLOOR!! COACH COLE Hey, come on! That was totally uncalled for! Detective Bosley goes berserk on the apron taunting Tim Cash, asking him to “GET YOU SOME OF THAT!” Instead the AMOG almost gets himself some of Baron Windels. The Lone Star Gunslinger fast to his partner’s side. But referee Earl Hebner orders him back to the corner. The ref’s attention elsewhere, CPA and Bosley put the boots to Cash. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CPA rolls Tim inside and tags out. Before exiting he and Bosley double clothesline wrestling’s last real good guy. BOSLEY WHO’S THE MAN?! CPA You the man. BOSLEY I’M THE MAN!! AND WHO’S MY BITCH?! CPA (pointing to Tim Cash) He’s your bitch. BOSLEY (paint brushing Cash) YA HEAR THAT? YOU’RE MY BIT-- OH, SHIT! Cash double leg takedown’s Bosley and clamps on the Texas Cloverleaf! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH What the hell? COLE Midwest Sling! Will Bosley submit? Cash breaks the hold when CPA storms in, and nails him with a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK! Bosley charges forward but Cash ducks and places him in a SLEEPER HOLD! COLE Do Not Resuscitate! Forced to piggyback Bosley because of the height disadvantage, Cash finds himself in a bad predicament when he’s grabbed by the neck and slammed into the mat courtesy of a FRONTFLIP SWINGING NECKBREAKER! COACH Cliché as it is, WHATAMANEUVER! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! BOSLEY COLE How Tim Cash kicked out of that I don’t know. COACH Neither does Detective Bosley. As much as I hate to say it, Cash is showing me something here tonight. Stomped in the face, Tim writhes around in agony. Brought to his feet, hands behind back, Cash is smashed into the turnbuckle repeatedly. V.I.C.E. tag and CPA clubs the good guy hard across the shoulders, then fires him into the ropes for a press slam! Cover made. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY BARON! Earl Hebner separates CPA and Baron Windels as Tango Bosley drops a series of elbows on Tim Cash in the background. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Order restored, Cash is scooped up for the DOMINATOR, but he slips out and knees CPA in the back to chop him down to size, then delivers the CASHBACK! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Desperation move by Tim Cash, but it worked. COLE And now he needs to make the tag. What punishment he’s taken, and what heart he’s shown. CPA and Cash both look for the tag, with CPA being the first to make it. Once Cash notices this he lunges towards his corner and makes the tag to Baron Windels! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" BOSLEY Striking virtually everything that moves, the Lone Star Gunslinger unloads on V.I.C.E. He shoots Bosley into the ropes for a BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP, and then dropkicks CPA. But when BW returns to his feet he’s met by a ROUNDHOUSE KICK, which he ducks and follows with the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL!!! ONE! TWO! THREE-- NO! SAVE BY CPA! The two men exchange fire as Detective Bosley regroups in the corner. Baron then gets an assist from his fellow Citizen Soldier Tim Cash. Together they knock CPA outside with a double dropkick, and then BW wipes Tim into the ropes and watches him dive onto the big fella! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Referee Earl Hebner checks on both men from the ring, completely missing Detective Bosley use his TELESCOPIC BATON TO WHACK BARON UPSIDE THE HEAD! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The cover. COLE Damn him, no! ONE! TWO! THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing onto the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Finals, the team of CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" V.I.C.E. raise their hands in victory outside. All Tim Cash can do is check on his partner, the match lost. COLE CPA and Detective Bosley have nothing to be proud of stealing a win. COACH A win’s a win no matter how you spin it. Fact is, the record books will have a W next to the name of V.I.C.E. and a big giant L next to the Citizen Soldiers. It couldn’t happen to a couple of nicer guys! COLE Folks its not just OAOAST Marks that have turned out for the greatest night in TSM history, important people have to! A not-so important person, Terry Taylor, stands with a more important person right now. The tuxedo wearing Red Rooster sits beside the more casually dressed LEONARDO DICAPRIO! TERRY Hi. LEO Um..hi. TERRY Hi. LEO ….Great to be here. TERRY Hi. LEO Do you have a question? TERRY You smell pretty. COLE This show is good. Too good for this planet. I should murder someone to right the world’s balance. LATER TONIGHT I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS. AND EDMONTON GIRLS. AND ONE GIRL FROM NEVADA. VENICE BEACH BUNNY BRAWL MELODY, MAGGIE AND JADE VS HOLLY, MORGAN AND LORELEI TONIGHT!

REJECT SHARES HIS FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MEMORY Reject and Melissa Nerdly are laying side-by-side on a beach in Los Angeles. REJECT My all-time favorite HeldDOWN~! moment. Well, it's got to be this past October 3rd, when I met Leon Rodez inside a steel cage. *Cut to various highlights of the cage match* REJECT Leon and his skank, then-girlfriend Maggie had been a thorn in my side for several weeks, and this was my chance for retribution. *Cut to Reject digging a barbed-wire bat into the bloodied forehead of Leon.* REJECT I left his pretty little blood lying all over the mat. And he took a little out of me, too, but it was all worth it. I was dominant that night. And then...the ultimate revenge. REJECT And some day, Leon, we will meet again. And this time...not only will I walk out with the girl...(puts his arm around Melissa)...but I will walk out, as the OAOAST World heavyweight champion. 300 EPISODES OF MAGIC

COLE Folks, the 300th HeldDOWN has attracted OAOAST Marks from around the globe who want to pay their respects to the OAOAST and witness history! Standing beside one is Terry Taylor! We cut to Terry Taylor standing in the aisle way with a thin man in his early thirties wearing a Zack Malibu t-shirt and jean shorts. TERRY Hi I’m here with Hector. Hector where did you come from? How far did you come to get to the 300th episode of HeldDOWN? HECTOR Anaheim. TERRY Wow that’s…Anaheim? Yeah…..that’s not far at all. HECTOR My chick came over and she ain’t givin it up. We got in an argument and she kicked me on out. I ain’t have no place to go, and I saw so many people round here I thought it was a homeless shelter, and that’s why I’m here. Why girls do that? Sleep over if they not givin the play? COACH Cause she fucked wit tha big dick nigga right before she came to your house cause she knew she had to get tha fuck out when she got done gettin fucked and she knew you was a bitch made nigga she could use so she slept at your house cause your gay. Now she playin your x-box and eatin your Doritos. COLE “Rio” and scenes of Brazillian life on the Angletron brings a flavor of South America to Dodger Stadium, but the massive crowd is none to happy and spews boos into the cool California air. Sauntering onto the stage, beneath flickering green and yellow lights, is Rico De Janerio. He strokes his pornstache while licking his lips at the wealth of Southern California beauties that have turned out tonight. COLE Coach, I always thought the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew was as tight as any other team in the OAOAST. Together they went from no name jobbers to superstars. But here on our 300th episode the end is at hand. Rico set to face Lucius Soul. COACH Sports entertainment is a hard industry. It destroys friendships like they weren’t nothing. We seen ThunderKid and Reject breakup before, we seen Alix and Krista split, Bosley and Cash, even Black T had their moments. Any team can get got, Mikey. Rico lingers down the ramp, hyping up his new Brazillian flag t-shirt to the audience. The female fans are less than receptive to his idea of exchanging the t-shirt for a cleavage shot, however. Rico merely shrugs his shoulders at their turning down of fine t-shirt and dives into the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of sixty minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Rio De Janerio, Brazil, he weighs in at two hundred thirty five pounds….RICO DE JANERIO!! Rico’s hands go up into the air in an attempt to rally the sold out stadium audience behind him. He hasn’t much luck as the majority of the fans meet his gesture with thumbs down. No need for a fancy Patty entrance right now. Let’s all enjoy the wonder that is Jive Soul Bro. Referee Charles Robinson steps to the center of the ring and looks at the combustible foes before waving them to the center of the ring. He makes an attempt to explain the rules of the contest. But his effort to create order is wasted as the former partner’s ignore him completely and focus solely on trading barbs. They each dare the other to make the first move, but both seem content just to spend the match spewing insults and gripes. DING DING DING The bell would normally be a call to action for the former HI-YAH tag team champions, but tonight its only a call for confusion as Paul Oakenfold’s “Ready, Steady, Go” comes pumping into the home of the Blue Crew. The California crowd’s confusion only grows even greater when Esther Endicott: arrives wearing a gaudy white princess crown and a shimmering tiara. COLE What is this? COACH Its Esther Endicott. COLE Okay, I got that. But what is she doing out here? She’s been working backstage for the longest and now she’s come like she’s going to a ball in Camelot! Rico and Lucius stare on in wonderment, the odd guest having stopped them from their mean spirited spat. Esther somehow manages to squeeze her fluffy dress through the ring ropes, a trying task in of itself! Esther is handed a microphone and makes her interruption of the contest offical. ESTHER As the white queen of the OAOAST this is my kingdom, and I will not tolerate this kind of behavior within it. You’re both dead set on making a historic moment on a historic show, I see. But just because something is historic doesn’t mean its any good. The past is full of historic events that the participants would hope we’d all just forget. The break up of the Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew will probably be one of them. Rico and Lucius look at each other confused, both wondering what interests Queen Endicott has in their spat. ESTHER It’s a very bad thing that what could be the most powerful entity in the OAOAST is about to batter the hell out of each other because they can’t figure out a way to make their cunning and conniving ways work together. Its a very bad thing. Worst of all your giving these peasants exactly what they want! The fans applaud, eager to see the final nail driven into the Wrecking Crew’s coffin. ESTHER I like you, because you’re the type of people a queen needs to keep herself safe. Neither of you are very good or decent people, you’re not the white knight types. A good girl likes her bad boys. You were probably only born to die. But while you live, you might as well get as much riches and as much power as you possibly can. If you go off on your own, you most likely won’t do anything but continue this pointless battle. If you get back together, you’re only going to be where you started before you got into this argument. But if you stand beside a Queen as the knights of my Hellfire Club, you can change history! Do you accept my offer? Rico is far less skeptical than his partner and happily accepts the handshake of Queen Esther. He positions himself by her side like the most loyal of guard dogs as his head fills with fantasies of the greatness she’s promised. COLE She sold Rico on her “kingdom”, but Lucius Soul doesn’t seem to be buying it. COACH If anyone’s gonna be wise to a hustle, it’s a pimp. Soul requires a bit more thought before he’s officially knighted by the Queen, and strokes his smooth hairless chin in thought. Rico is quick to try and win him over to his side, promising that bygones shall be bygones and a better day is ahead. COLE Hurry up and make a decision! The captain from Gilligan’s Island still has to share his favorite X Division title match! We don’t have time for your indecision. COACH I cant believe you has the audacity to dis the boy Soul..he buries these cokkaroochees! It appears Soul will be burying cockroaches inside Queen Esther’s kingdom as he accepts the waiting handshakes from Esther and Soul. Together the trio raise their hands high into the Los Angeles sky and the Dodger Stadium crowd reacts to this with furious boos and heat. Ellie smiles a sly type of smile while Rico boasts to the audience of their impending success. COACH Crisis averted! The 300th episode is for fond farewells and happy beginnings. This does my heart proud to see young hustlers get it together to stop the white man’s tricknology from bringing it down. COLE It was a white woman who kept them together! COACH I got love for my snow bunnies. COLE Rico is white. COACH Naw, he just an albino. LATER TONIGHT SECOND ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION VICE VS CITIZEN SOLDIERS TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

It's California Love, this California bud got a nigga gang of pub I'm on one, I might bail up in the Century Club with my jeans on, and my team strong Get my drink on, and my smoke on Then go home with, somethin to poke on (whassup bitch?) Loc it's on for the two-triple-oh Comin real, it's the 300th episode.... Make no mistake about it, the L.W.O. is returning, the Swag Show is back for the 300th episode. Shit is raw here, other cats sweeter than purple kool aid and they can get got! This historic celebration comes from Dodger Stadium home of the GOAT team to ever play in the zip code of 90012. Also the only team to ever play in the zip code of 90012. The ballpark has offered spectators views of the green, tree-lined Elysian hills to the north and east (and the San Gabriel Mountains beyond) and of downtown Los Angeles to the south. In typical LA fashion, the 56,000 seat ballpark offers parking for 16,000 automobiles on 16 terraced lots adjacent to the entry gates. It'll be posted next Saturday due to the ppv. ***WORLD TITLE MAINEVENT*** Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Mister Dick or Leon Rodez Also on the card, Rico De Janerio Vs Lucius Soul If ya'll wanna do ya man a solid, you'd write a real short piece with one of your characters stating what their favorite HeldDOWN memory is. I guess you could do more than one character if ya wanted, but I think one from everyone would be okie dokie. Cool?

THA PUERTO RICAN SHARES HIS FAVORITE HeldDOWN~! MOMENT! THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican and HeldDOWN~! go together like peanut butter and jelly! Tha Puerto Rican debuted on HeldDOWN~! in only its second year of existence, and has proceeded to make it HIS show ever since! Tha Puerto Rican has had many many MANY memorable HeldDOWN~! moments over the past five years, but if he has to choose just one, his absolute favourite, then he has no other choice but to pick the February 14, 2008 edition of HeldDOWN~! The St. Valentine's Day edition! And though Tha Puerto Rican was single, it was the best St. Valentine's Day EVER for Tha Puerto Rican! I put my very career on the line in an Ultimate X Match, a match that Tha Puerto Rican had NEVER competed in! At stake was a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at AngleMania VII. The odds were against me, as I was competing against Spanish Fly who had the entire Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation watching his back! But still, in front of the millions and the MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican's fans, The Lightning Bolts watched as I laid the smackdown on Spanish Fly's roody poo candy ass and proceeded to take the biggest leap I EVER took, grab that AngleMania VII logo with ONE GOOD ARM, and defeat Spanish Fly, keep my career going, and EARN the #1 Contendership to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship that I so richly deserved! And after that, it was off to AngleMania VII where I defeated Stephen Joseph Popick and won my first ever World Heavyweight Championship! THA PUERTO RICAN When you take all of that into consideration, it is no wonder why that is my FAVOURITE HeldDOWN~! Moment! And that's the truth, Ruth! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican does The People's Eyebrow to the camera. 300 EPISODES OF MAGIC

Sooooo AP went up a little later than I thought it would. So, I'll say this show will go up on Sunday. I don't fuck with the superbowl like that, see. Not even those suck ass commercials, a crass attempt to keep you all as slaves to corporate consumerism with cheap 30 second slickly produced brainwashing. VENICE BEACH BUNNY BRAWL Jade Rodez-Duncan, Maggie Nerdly, and Melody Vs Holly, Morgan Nerdly, Lorelei DeCenzo

RUMBLE

*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* COLE OHHH YEAH! The crowd erupts as Liberate by Disturbed kicks in, and Bohemoth walks through the curtains. COLE One of the odds-on favorites, representing the In-Crowd, Bohemoth! And a great draw at #21! Bo runs to the ring, and slides through, where Reject awaits. Bo quickly wins a slugfest with Reject, then shoves him backwards into the ropes, and catches him with a SPINEBUSTER~! COLE Big-time spinebuster! Bo then delivers a forearm to Todd Cortez, staggering him backwards into the ropes, then follows him in, clotheslining him to the floor! COLE And Todd Cortez is finally gone, courtesy of Bohemoth! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12th elimination: Todd Cortez entered: #2 time in ring: 38:26 eliminated: Simon Singleton (co), James Blonde, DJ Giant Jesus (co) eliminated by: Bohemoth currently in ring: Sandman9000, Denzel Spencer, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Tyler Bryant, Lunar Phoenix, Brock Ausstin, Nathaniel Black, Lunar Phoenix, Bohemoth ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bo starts handing out clotheslines like candy! Phoenix! Denzel! Sandman! Bryant! He then grabs Black, and executes a running powerslam! He then gets to his feet, to spot Brock Ausstin staring him in the eyes, as the crowd starts to buzz. COLE Big-time staredown right here! As the two stare each other down, PRL then steps into the scene. COLE And now a three-way staredown! Brock and Bo both look over to PRL, who responds by throwing up the "Killa B" hand sign in both men's faces. COACH Uh-oh! PRL steps back, then Brock starts doing his Happy Happy Hoss Dance, before pointing in the face of PRL, then pointing in the face of Bo, before holding his hands in front of him, and making the motion as if he's bending a bar. COACH Nothing fancy with Brock Ausstin! "I'm gonna bend you in half!" Bo responds to that by holding a thumbs up in the face of each man, then bringing the THUMBS DOWN~! COLE And the big thumbs down! Brock throws a right hand at Bo, who blocks, and returns one of his own! PRL then delivers right hands to Bo, as Brock shakes the blow off, and delivers a double axhandle to the back of PRL! He then grabs Bo by the neck, and both men roll into a corner, each attempting to choke the other out. PRL rakes the eyes of Brock from behind, as another count begins. COACH Who's coming out #22? 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid comes through the curtains and jogs down to the ring. COLE And it's Thunderkid! So both tag team champions will be in the ring at the same time, a big advantage! TK slides in, and drives a knee into the back of Bryant, who was attempting to dump Reject over the top. COLE And as expected, right to the aid of his partner! COACH And Sandman still out there, too, so there's a good chance now that all four Deadly Alliance members could be out there at once! If that happens, I've got to think one of them will be the one headed to AngleMania! Reject holds Bryant, while TK lays in body shots. Denzel comes from behind TK, and spins him around, delivering right hands, but TK quickly overpowers him. COACH Denzel's been out there for quite a while, he's not going to win a slugfest with a fresh TK, or against TK under any circumstance, for that matter! COLE It's been a little over 20 minutes for Denzel Spencer, a nice showing on his behalf, as well! Black has PRL in the CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING~!!!!!11111, as Phoenix stomps away on him. COACH Look at this, Black with the chicken wing on PRL! I love it! COLE And Lunar Phoenix with a little insult to injury, stomping away as PRL is trapped in the hold! Bo knocks Phoenix to the mat, then stomps Black until he breaks the hold. However, he is then ambushed by TK and Reject, who bring him to the ropes and attempt to dump him over! COLE And the tag team champs have got Bo in trouble! Phoenix comes over the give TK and Reject a hand, but soon after, Bryant hammers on the back of Reject, and that's enough for Bo to push himself back inside. He knocks TK off with a right hand, then delivers a foot to the gut of Phoenix, followed by a clothesline, as the count begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" COACH Oh yeah! Prepare for Landon! As plays, Landon walks out into the aisle and holds his arms out to the side. COLE Another favorite to come out the winner here, Landon Maddix, the leader of Cucaracha Internacional! Landon walks down to the ring, then climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes. He nails Denzel from behind, then sends him into the ropes, and catches him coming back with a THESZ PLANT~! COLE Landon with that modified Thesz press! He then gets to his feet, and starts pounding on the chest of Brock Ausstin, which has no effect. COLE And Landon could be in trouble right here! Landon backs off, as Brock stalks him around the ring, until Black trips him up by the legs, then Landon starts to stomp away on his head. COLE But there's Nathaniel Black, coming to the aid of his stablemate! Bryant attacks Landon from behind, leveling him with right hands, but Landon goes to the eyes. He whips Bryant into the ropes, and attempts a clothesline, but Bryant ducks a clothesline, and hits one of his own! He follows with a dropkick! He then charges Landon, but Landon ducks, and backdrops Bryant to the floor! COLE And there goes Tyler! He went for a big move on Landon, but Landon avoids the move, and sends Tyler packing! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 13th elimination: Tyler Bryant entered: #17 time in ring: 13:24 eliminated: none eliminated by: Landon Maddix currently in ring: Sandman9000, Denzel Spencer, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Lunar Phoenix, Brock Ausstin, Nathaniel Black, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Denzel comes from behind Landon as he celebrates his feat, and attempts to dump him to the floor! COLE Landon in trouble, as we're ready for another one! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! I Wanna Be Your Dog hits, and Ragdoll makes his way through the curtains, as the crowd goes crazy. COACH Uh-oh! COLE The hits just keep on coming! Ragdoll, the reigning Intercontinental champion, entrant #24! Ragdoll slowly walks to the ring, then slides inside, and starts dishing out right hands to anyone who gets in his way! He catches Reject in a corner, and unleashes an assault of fists, forearms, and elbows! He then turns his attention to Phoenix, drilling him with a spinning back elbow, then measuring him, and clotheslining him over the top to the floor! COLE Oh no! COACH And Ragdoll has just eliminated Lunar Phoenix! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 14th elimination: Lunar Phoenix entered: #18 time in ring: 12:42 eliminated: The Mad Cappa eliminated by: Ragdoll currently in ring: Sandman9000, Denzel Spencer, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Brock Ausstin, Nathaniel Black, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Landon hammers Ragdoll from behind, but Ragdoll quickly turns the table, assaulting Landon in the corner just as he had done Reject before. He then chokes Landon down into the corner, before Black comes from behind and rakes his eyes. PRL then comes from behind Black, and hammers him on the back. TK chokes Bo with his boot in a corner, as Sandman stomps away on Brock, and Reject attempts to dump Denzel over the top. COLE Denzel's been out there a long time, maybe he goes right here! Denzel slips back in, and Reject stomps away on him, as Sandman leaves Brock and helps TK work over Bo, as another count begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! by ZZ Top plays, and Christian Wright makes his way through the curtains. COLE A member of the Enterprise, Christian Wright, getting a very nice draw here! Wright runs to the ring and slides in, then goes to work on Brock Ausstin, stomping away on him in the corner. Meanwhile, TK and Sandman have Bo set up in a corner! COLE Bo in trouble once again! Wright comes over, and helps TK and Sandman, but Brock comes to, and hammers Wright from behind, then Sandman lets go to go after Brock. Bo is able to fight his way free against TK. Sandman and Wright double team Brock, until PRL makes his way over and hammers away on Wright. Meanwhile, Denzel is working over Landon in a corner, and Reject makes his way over and delivers a kick to the face of Denzel, then takes over on Landon in the corner. COACH Look at this, Reject against Landon! Reject lays in a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject brings Landon out, and attempts a Irish whip, but Landon blocks, then pulls Reject into him, scooping him up for the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE Landon going for the GTS! However, Reject slips behind, then spins Landon around, and attempts the EULOGY~!!!!!11111, but Landon shoves him off, right into a SPEAR~! from Ragdoll! COLE Ragdoll with the MANHUNT on Reject! Sandman is choking away on Wright in a corner, while Brock takes over on Ragdoll, lifting him overhead for a PRESS SLAM~! COACH This could be it for Ragdoll! However, Ragdoll reaches down, and pokes Brock in the eye, then slips behind the back! Meanwhile, Black attempts to lock in the CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING~!!!!!11111 on Denzel, but before he can get the fingers locked, Denzel spins out, then backdrops Black to the floor! COACH What?? COLE Denzel just eliminated Nathaniel Black! COACH That's got to be a major upset right there! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 15th elimination: Nathaniel Black entered: #20 time in ring: 11:40 eliminated: none eliminated by: Denzel Spencer currently in ring: Sandman9000, Denzel Spencer, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Brock Ausstin, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll, Christian Wright ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Black is shown on the floor looking up in disbelief, as the countdown starts. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah Superstar plays as Ned Blanchard runs to the ring. COLE And it's the other half of the Beverly Hills Blonds, Ned Blanchard! Ned slides in, and starts slugging it out with Christian Wright! COACH And you knew this was coming! COLE Ned battling it out with his former stablemate, Christian Wright! Ned gets the better of the exchange, then takes him into a corner, and rams his head into the buckles, as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Wright drops to the mat, as Sandman approaches Ned, but gets met with a shot to the gut. COACH And how about Sandman, still in there! Ned whips Sandman into the ropes, and catches him with a back drop! Landon then spins Ned around from behind, and throws a right hand, but Ned ducks, and scoops Landon up, attempting to eliminate him! COLE And Landon Maddix in trouble! Denzel comes over to assist Ned, but Wright drives a knee into the back of Ned, breaking everything up. Landon goes to the apron, then rolls back inside and hammers Denzel in the gut from the mat. COLE And Landon able to save himself, much like we've seen Sandman do for 50 minutes upon the next entry, which will be #27! Wright stomps away on Ned, as Reject and TK double up on PRL. Ragdoll chokes Sandman on the mat, as Brock and Bo go at it in a corner. COLE And Brock Ausstin and Bohemoth, the two big guys, going at it once again! Reject and PRL once again scoop up PRL! COLE PRL in trouble again! COACH TK and Reject are really going at PRL here! Wright comes over to help, but takes a low blow from Ned! Sandman and Landon come over to help, as well, while Denzel hammers on Sandman. COLE They're all cluttered up on that one side of the ring! Denzel then tries to dump Landon over the top of PRL! COLE And now Landon's going again! This could be two at a time! Landon grabs onto PRL's leg, and both men fall to the apron simultaneously, as the count begins... 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~! by LA Symphony hits. COLE Oh my God... Faqu walks through the curtains and toward the ring. COACH Another member of Cucaracha Internacional! Faqu climbs into the ring, and hammers everyone in the group attempting to dump PRL and Landon. He then grabs Denzel, and delivers a big headbutt, followed by a thrust kick! He then scrapes Denzel up, and tosses him over the top to the floor! COLE And Denzel is gone! An excellent run by Denzel Spencer, but the fresh Samoan Wrecking Ball just too much! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 16th elimination: Denzel Spencer entered: #12 time in ring: 30:29 eliminated: Nathaniel Black eliminated by: Faqu currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Brock Ausstin, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll, Christian Wright, Ned Blanchard, Faqu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COACH And also Faqu getting revenge for the elimination of Nathaniel Black! Faqu then delivers a big chop to Ned, then a Samoan drop! Big headbutt for Sandman! Thrust kick for PRL! He then assaults Bo in the corner, but Bo fights back! COLE Faqu going after everyone, but look at Bo fight back! Bo wins the slugfest, then backs into the ropes, but Faqu catches him with a Samoan drop! COLE And look at the show of strength by the Samoan Wrecking Ball! Faqu gets to his feet and lets out a big yell, before Ragdoll hits him with a LOW BLOW from behind! COLE And Ragdoll coming from behind with a low blow! COACH That might be the only thing that slows down Faqu right now! Immediately, Sandman pounces onto Faqu, choking him, and executing BOOT SCRAPES~! as the countdown begins... 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! hits, and Colin Maguire Jr. runs through the curtains and towards the ring. COACH Alright, Colin! COLE Colin Maguire Jr., #28! Terrific opportunity for the relative newcomer! Colin slides in, and hammers away on Ned, then hits him with an IRISH SUPLEX~! COLE Colin uses a lot of suplexes, and he just used one there on Ned Blanchard! Colin then goes to work on PRL, whipping him into the ropes, and catching him with a clothesline! COLE Nice clothesline by Colin Maguire Jr.! Colin then goes over and helps Wright attempt to dump Brock over the ropes! COLE And now teaming up in an attempt to eliminate Brock Ausstin! Brock manages to fight it off, then hammers away on Colin and Wright! Brock then hooks Colin, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Big-time suplex by Brock Ausstin! TK, Reject and Sandman stand back in a corner, as Ned makes his back over to Wright. A slugfest ensues, won by Ned, who then tries to dump Christian! COLE Christian Wright in trouble! After a brief struggle, Wright rakes Ned in the eyes, then slips down behind him, and takes him down with an STO~! Sandman goes after Bohemoth, while TK and Reject go over to Ragdoll, and overpower him in a slugfest, as the countdown begins. COLE #29, the real lucky guys, coming up! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Like the Angel by Rise Against plays, and MEL runs to the ring. COLE And it's MEL, the other half of the Christ Air Express! MEL slides in, and goes after Landon, taking him down from behind, and laying in right hands. COLE The #29 entrant, the Christ Air Express's MEL! COACH And you know who #30 is now, right? COLE A huge advantage for Alfdogg, who will be the final entry, and will have the support of all three of the Deadly Alliance's other entrants! MEL whips Landon into a corner, and executes a backdrop! However, he turns around right into Faqu, who catches him with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Oh, Faqu is dominant in there! Bo comes into the scene and clotheslines Faqu, staggering him into a corner. He then drives in knees, as Landon jumps onto his back, and rakes his eyes. Meanwhile, PRL has got Reject in trouble, while Brock hammers TK in a corner! COLE And look at Reject in trouble! PRL manages to send Reject to the apron, but Reject hangs onto the top rope, keeping his feet from hitting the floor. He rolls back in, as Colin hammers away on PRL. PRL fights back on Colin, hitting him with right hands, then taking a step back and hitting a SUPERKICK~! COLE Nice kick from PRL, making a nice showing in his return to the ring! TK pulls Reject over into a corner, where Sandman also stands. COACH And you notice the Deadly Alliance has stuck together! COLE And they'll be adding another member in just a few seconds! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg walks through the curtains. COLE And here he is, the only man to compete in every single Lethal Rumble match, getting the best draw of the night! Alfdogg could go onto AngleMania VIII, and could become a three-time OAOAST World champion! Alf takes his time, walking slowly to the ring, and surveying the scene, then climbs inside into the corner which the Deadly Alliance occupies. COACH And I think these guys are getting ready to take control here, Cole! Ned has Wright set up for a piledriver, but Alf connects from the side with a SUPERKICK~! COLE And Alf strikes with a big kick on Ned! Alf then scoops up Ned, and pitches him over the top to the floor! COLE And Ned is gone, at the hands of Alf! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 17th elimination: Ned Blanchard entered: #26 time in ring: 8:46 eliminated: none eliminated by: Alfdogg currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Brock Ausstin, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll, Christian Wright, Faqu, Colin Maguire Jr., MEL, Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COACH We've still got a lot of guys in there, Cole! COLE I'm counting 13 guys on my list, four of them from the Deadly Alliance, and one of those, the #1 draw, Sandman9000, who has been in there since the very beginning, 57+ minutes now! COACH Got two from Cucaracha Internacional, Landon and Faqu...Christian Wright from the Enterprise... COLE We've also got Tha Puerto Rican... COACH COLE Bohemoth, representing the in-crowd...Colin Maguire Jr., MEL of the Christ Air Express... COACH Ragdoll still out there, as well, the Intercontinental champion! COLE And one of them will challenge for the OAOAST World title at AngleMania VIII! The Deadly Alliance discusses some strategy in a corner, as Colin takes down Bo with a chop block, then chokes him on the mat. PRL battles it out with MEL, while Brock slugs Faqu down in a corner, and Ragdoll presses his knee into the face of Landon. MEL then attempts to dump PRL! COLE And look at this! MEL has got PRL going! With PRL halfway over the ropes, Wright sneaks up from behind, and dumps both over the top! MEL goes down to the floor, but PRL manages to hang on with one hand on the middle rope and one foot on the apron! COLE Wright going for the double elimination there, but only eliminates MEL! PRL still in there! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 18th elimination: MEL entered: #29 time in ring: 3:49 eliminated: none eliminated by: Christian Wright currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Brock Ausstin, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll, Christian Wright, Faqu, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wright celebrates his feat, until Landon sneaks up from behind, scoops him up...and executes the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COACH Whoa! COLE Landon with the GTS on Christian Wright! COACH CI vs Enterprise! Brock then comes from behind Landon, and scoops him up onto his shoulders! COLE F-Stunner-5, coming up! However, Faqu save his leader, delivering a thrust to Brock's throat! Faqu then lets out a yell, and clotheslines Brock to the floor! COLE Big clothesline from Faqu, and Brock is gone! COACH Wow! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 19th elimination: Brock Ausstin entered: #18 time in ring: 23:56 eliminated: none eliminated by: Faqu currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Landon Maddix, Ragdoll, Christian Wright, Faqu, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Faqu then lets out another yell, before catching Bo with a back kick to the gut. Landon joins in on the assault, as the two hammer on Bo. PRL and Wright slug it out, as do Ragdoll and Colin. COACH No love lost between Colin and Ragdoll! COLE And this time, the stakes a spot in the main event at AngleMania! Faqu holds Bo for Landon, who runs to the ropes, and goes for a clothesline...but Bo slips out of the way! However, Landon stops at the last second, and doesn't make contact. COLE And Landon able to stop himself right there! Landon points to his head, telling people how smart he is, then turns around as Bohemoth charges in, and CLOTHESLINES BOTH LANDON AND FAQU TO THE FLOOR! COACH COLE And look at the strength of the Metrosexual Monster! Landon gone! Faqu gone! Nine men left! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 20th elimination: Landon Maddix entered: #23 time in ring: 16:55 eliminated: Tyler Bryant eliminated by: Bohemoth 21st elimination: Faqu entered: #27 time in ring: 9:02 eliminated: Denzel Spencer, Brock Ausstin eliminated by: Bohemoth currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Ragdoll, Christian Wright, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bo lets out a yell, as Wright approaches him, and gets floored by a forearm! PRL then picks up Wright, and pitches him out to the floor! COLE And Christian gone, that'll make it eight! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 22nd elimination: Christian Wright entered: #25 time in ring: 13:23 eliminated: MEL eliminated by: Tha Puerto Rican currently in ring: Sandman9000, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Ragdoll, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COACH And look at the scene, Cole! Eight men left, and still all four Deadly Alliance members! COLE The Deadly Alliance currently with a 50% chance of sending one of their members to AngleMania! The camera pans around the ring, showing the Deadly Alliance in one corner. COLE We've reached the one-hour mark in the Lethal Rumble match, and Sandman9000 still out there! Could he take his undefeated run through AngleMania and challenge for the World title? Or will it be Alfdogg, looking to duplicate Zack Malibu's achievement of three OAOAST World titles? COACH And you know Reject would love to get another crack at Leon! COLE And imagine what a World title would do for Thunderkid's career! The camera goes to the next corner, where Colin Maguire Jr. stands. COLE An admirable performance from CMJ, only been here a few months, but he is one of the final eight men in the Lethal Rumble! Pan over to Ragdoll, on his right knee in the corner, with his right hand on the mat. COLE Ragdoll, sizing up the competition, it could easily be him challenging Leon Rodez, or whoever the champion may be! Cut to Bo, standing at the ropes between two corners. COLE Bohemoth could make it an all In-Crowd main event, and could become the third In-Crowder to hold the sport's biggest prize! Cut to PRL in the final corner. COLE And Tha Puerto Rican, this would be an amazing comeback bid if he could win here tonight, and earn a rematch with Leon Rodez! The eight men start to move in on one another, and Colin strikes the first blow, attacking Ragdoll in one corner, while the DA splits off in twos, with TK and Reject attacking PRL, and Alf and Sandman going after Bo! COACH Nice strategy here by the Deadly Alliance, doubling off on both Bo and PRL! COLE Nice strategy, but Colin IMO should have gone for one of the Deadly Alliance guys! COACH Yeah, real smart, jump into a group of four guys and start swinging! I'm glad you're not a manager! TK and Reject stomp PRL into the mat, then TK hammers Colin from behind. TK sets up a back suplex, but Colin flips behind the back, and shoves TK into the ropes, catching him with the CAMBRIDGE CURSE~!!!111 COLE And there's that stun gun from Colin! Colin gets to his feet, and PRL meets him with a kick to the gut, followed by the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111 COLE P.R. Nightmare from PRL to Colin! Bo stands behind PRL, waiting, then hits him with the EROTIC AWAKENING OF B~!!!!!11111 COACH COLE And PRL gets taken down by Bo! Reject waits from behind Bo, and hits him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Eulogy from Reject! COACH This is great, Cole! Alf gains his balance on the top rope, and hits PRL with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf strikes with the splash on PRL! Ragdoll strikes immediately, drilling Alf with the DEVIL DOLL~!!!!!11111 COLE DEVIL DOLL~! Ragdoll out of nowhere! Sandman then delivers a foot to the gut, and plants Ragdoll with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COACH And look at Sandman, still dishing out big moves! Sandman sits on the mat for a few seconds, as Reject helps TK come to. Reject picks up Ragdoll, and TK lifts him in a hangman's hold. Reject measures, and delivers a STIFF roundhouse kick to the abdomen! TK then works over PRL, as Sandman goes over and lifts Bo up off the mat. Sandman hooks Bo, grabbing one arm...but Bo breaks the grip, and BACKDROPS SANDMAN TO THE FLOOR! COACH Oh no! COLE And Sandman is finally gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 23rd elimination: Sandman9000 entered: #1 time in ring: 62:47 eliminated: Biff Atlas, DJ Giant Jesus (co) eliminated by: Bohemoth currently in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Bohemoth, Thunderkid, Ragdoll, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE Almost 63 minutes of fighting, but Sandman9000 finally done in by Bo! Meanwhile, PRL ducks a clothesline from TK, and hits him with a superkick, sending him backwards over the top to the floor! COLE And Thunderkid gone! The Deadly Alliance, just like that, from 4 down to 2! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 24th elimination: Thunderkid entered: #22 time in ring: 22:53 eliminated: none eliminated by: Tha Puerto Rican currently in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Bohemoth, Ragdoll, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PRL goes to work on Alf, as Reject stomps away on Bo. PRL grabs Alf, and drives him with the LATIN SLAM~!, as the crowd starts to boo. COLE Wait a minute! The camera cuts to the aisle, revealing Mr. Dick making his way down. COACH I told you, Cole, this wasn't over! Mr. Dick stops at the end of the aisle, holding his arms out, as PRL spots him. COLE And he's got PRL distracted here! PRL and Mr. Dick jaw jack at ringside for a few seconds, then Mr. Dick comes to the apron, and starts to climb, then hops back as PRL tries to take a swat at him. Alf gets to his feet in the ring, as PRL backs up a step, right into Alf, who grabs him from behind and pitches him to the floor! COLE Wait a minute, NO! COACH COLE Tha Puerto Rican eliminated, thanks to Mr. Dick! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 25th elimination: Tha Puerto Rican entered: #15 time in ring: 37:42 eliminated: Cuban Wall, Christian Wright, Thunderkid eliminated by: Alfdogg currently in ring: Reject, Bohemoth, Ragdoll, Colin Maguire Jr., Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COACH He had it coming, Cole! He had no business getting involved in Mr. Dick's World title shot! PRL charges after Mr. Dick, taking him down in the aisle, as officials pour out of the locker room to separate them. COLE PRL is livid, and I don't blame him! It takes three or four officials to hold each guy back from the other, and they are both ushered off into the locker room. Meanwhile in the ring, Colin has Ragdoll scooped up, and dumps him over the top, but Ragdoll holds on, and manages to counter Colin to the floor! COLE And Colin Maguire Jr. eliminated! Nice showing by the young guy, making it all the way to the last five men! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 26th elimination: Colin Maguire Jr. entered: #28 time in ring: 12:20 eliminated: none eliminated by: Ragdoll FINAL FOUR: Reject, Bohemoth, Ragdoll, Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE And now, it's the Final Four! Bohemoth! Alfdogg! Reject! Ragdoll! Which of these men will challenge for the OAOAST World title at AngleMania VIII? Alf and Reject move in from one side of the ring, and Alf goes after Bo, while Reject goes after Ragdoll. Reject backs Ragdoll into the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! However, Ragdoll fires back, hitting Reject with forearms and right hands! He then whips Reject across, and floors him with a flying axhandle! COLE Ragdoll taking control of Reject here, and what a match that would be, Leon vs Ragdoll! COACH Any one of these guys would be a great match for Leon! Alf goes after Ragdoll next, but Ragdoll catches him with a shot to the gut, then whips him hard into a corner. Ragdoll attempts a hurricanrana...but Alf blocks halfway through the move, then steps in between his legs, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Sharpshooter on Ragdoll! Alf cranks back on the hold, as Ragdoll reaches for the ropes. Bo comes to his senses, and clotheslines Alf from behind. COACH That's a cheap shot! COLE Bo comes to the rescue, indirectly, of Ragdoll right there! Bo scoops up Alf, looking for a running powerslam, but Alf slips behind the back, shoving him into a corner, then catches him with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! He then comes from behing Ragdoll, delivering a low blow! COLE And Alf with a low blow to Ragdoll! Reject immediately follows with the EULOGY~! COLE And the Eulogy from Reject! Alf and Reject pick up Ragdoll, and scoop him up for a double slam, carrying him to the ropes. Ragdoll fights it for several seconds, but is eventually overpowered by the two DA members, and dumped to the floor! COLE Ragdoll is gone! COACH Three guys left! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 27th elimination: Ragdoll entered: #24 time in ring: 21:51 eliminated: Lunar Phoenix, Colin Maguire Jr. eliminated by: Reject, Alfdogg currently in ring: Reject, Bohemoth, Alfdogg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE And the odds do not look good right now for Bophemoth! Bo looks on as Alf and Reject approach from different sides. Bo switches off nailing both guys, but Alf ends up trapping Bo by his tights from behind, as Reject lays in some blows. Alf and Reject send Bo into the ropes, and catch him with a double clothesline! Reject then hooks Bo, as Alf taunts the crowd, drawing boos. Alf backs into the ropes...but Bo moves out of the way, and ALF HITS REJECT, sending him over the top rope! COACH No! COLE Miscommunication between Alf and Reject, and Bo back in control! Reject lands on the apron, as Bo hammers away on Alf. Bo sets Alf up for a powerbomb, but Alf drops down, and executes a LOW BLOW~! Alf then takes Bo over to the ropes, attempting elimination! COLE Could Bo be the next to go! Reject gets to his feet in the ring, and just stands in the background. He looks to both sides of the crowd...then sneaks up from behind, and DUMPS ALF TO THE FLOOR~! COACH Oh, no! COLE Reject just eliminatied Alf! Can you believe that? We're down to two! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 28th elimination: Alfdogg entered: #30 time in ring: 11:04 eliminated: Ned Blanchard, Tha Puerto Rican, Ragdoll (co) eliminated by: Reject currently in ring: Reject, Bohemoth ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ = Reject thinks he's eliminated both guys, and starts to celebrate, but Bo has just gone to the apron, and rolls back inside and comes to his feet. Reject and Bohemoth stare each other down briefly from across the ring. COLE Two men left! The Deadly Alliance vs the In-Crowd! Reject vs Bohemoth! Which one of these men will go on to AngleMania? Reject charges, and throws a right hand, which is blocked, and a slugfest ensues! Bo gets the better of the exchange, then whips Reject into the ropes, and attempts a PRESS SLAM~!, but Reject slips behind the back, and tries for the EULOGY~!!!!!11111, but Bo blocks, shoving Reject into the ropes, and clotheslines Reject to the mat! COLE Bo strikes the first big blow! Bo then whips Reject into a corner, and charges, but Reject gets a foot up! Reject then climbs onto the shoulders of Bo, and rolls over into a victory roll, then gets to his feet, hooks Bo's legs, and turns him over into the R-LOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH R-Lock! Bo crawls to the ropes, then grabs the middle rope, and uses the momentum to pull Reject over the top rope! Reject hangs on, as Bo puts his hands on his knees in the middle of the ring, and skins the cat, then comes back in and tosses Bo over the top! COLE Ooooh, not quite! Bo narrowly avoids the floor, then rolls back inside and quickly gets to his feet, catching the charging Reject with a SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And Reject gets caught! Bo picks up Reject, and THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR~!!!!! *DING DING DING* COACH COLE REJECT IS GONE! BOHEMOTH!!! BOHEMOTH IS GOING TO ANGLEMANIA!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 29th elimination: Reject entered: #16 time in ring: 40:59 eliminated: Tim Cash, Ragdoll (co), Alfdogg eliminated by: Bohemoth ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ******************************************************************************** WINNER: Bohemoth entered: #21 time in ring: 31:02 eliminated: Todd Cortez, Landon Maddix, Faqu, Sandman9000, Reject ******************************************************************************** BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the winner of the Lethal Rumble match...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! COLE Bohemoth has done it! He has reached the top of the mountain, and he is on his way, to AngleMania! COACH You know what this means, Cole! COLE Absolutely, if everything stands, it will be In Crowd vs In Crowd at AngleMania, Bohemoth challenging Leon Rodez for the OAOAST World title! Confetti pours from the ceiling, as Bo poses on the buckles. The camera shows a dark shot of Reject walking back to the locker room. COLE And credit to Reject, as well, he was out there over 40 minutes, and was with INCHES of winning this thing! But it didn't happen for him, and that's the man of the hour right there, the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, headed to AngleMania VIII! Ladies and gentlemen, for the Coach, I'm Michael Cole! We'll see you on HeldDOWN~! Whenever that is! The camera shoots up from the floor at Bo posing on the buckles as we... FADE TO BLACK

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * TV 14 L, V PRESENTED IN HD Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! The opening scene is that of a pristine Midwestern suburb, ripped right out of Pleasnatville or Leave It To Beaver. Stepping outside the door to greet the morning sunshine is ThunderKid. Wearing a tuorquoise blue robe and Kermit the frog slippers, he smiles gingerly as he walks past his well manicured front lawn to grab his morning paper. But as he reaches down to start his morning routine he’s sadistically ran over by a Dodge Neon driven by his own stable mate Alfdogg. To me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word End is the only part of the word That I heard Call me morbid, or absurd But to me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word Fresh off his inexplicable murder of his one time friend, Alfdogg pulls his Dodge Neon into the parking lot of an Indianapolis Home Depot. He fails to spot a shadowy figure quickly approaching him with his hand tucked into his pocket. By the time Alf notices this unusual character we see that its Landon Maddix. Alf greets Landon with a bright and cheery smile. But, Landon returns the gesture with a knife to the stomach. He pays Alf not a second’s glance as he walks away from his dying OAOAST coworker. To me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word End is the only part of the word That I heard Call me morbid, or absurd, But to me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word Now that Alfdogg has been removed from the gene pool of life, Landon is free to patrol the aisles ways of Home Depot for Winnie The Pooh themed lamp shades. But from out of nowhere Faqu launches through the air with a roar at his leader. The impact knocks the unfortunate Spaniard off his feet and a pitchfork finishes the bloody job. To me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word End is the only part of the word That I heard Call me morbid, or absurd, But to me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word With blood soaked pitchfork in hand Faqu exits the massive hardware store. Though the weapon easily feel Maddix it does little protect Faqu from Ragdoll who casually walks behind him and leaves an axe in his back. Giving a simple, innocent smirk, Ragdoll retrieves the discarded pitchfork and continues his walk to the parking lot. When I go fishing for the words I am wishing you would say to me I'm really only praying that The words you'll soon be saying Might betray, the way you feel about me Ragdoll makes it only past the first row of cars before the Christ Air Express and James Cone conspire to leave him in a pool of his own blood in drive by shooting. But to me, coming from you, Friend is a four letter word After their heinous and unexpected slaying of Ragdoll the three perpetrators immediately turn on each other. They brandish pistols and the car becomes bright with hellish gunfire that sends the car spinning into traffic. There are several near misses from motorists that are frightened out of their wits. However, a bus driven by Spencer Reiger shows zero inclination to avoid the car full of his fellows OAOASTers. The bus barrels into the car, sending it up in flames and destroying everyone within it. Through the fiery wreckage, Spencer smiles the chaos he’s created. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF THE LETHAL RUMBLE From the opening we fade into an arena that’s jam packed with OAOAST Marks eager to see sports and entertainment’s biggest January event. They stand on their feet, waving their signs and chanting the names of their favorite OAOAST stars. The gigantic video screens in the shape of Gotham City that make up the entry way feature the graphics of the various hotly anticipated contest on tap tonight. COLE Folks, welcome to Anglepalooza! The biggest pay per view extravaganza of the New Year is even bigger this year with the most unpredictable Lethal Rumble field in history. Pundits haven't reached a consensues on who could go home with the Anglemania mainevent title shot. Some like Bohemoth, some like Reject and some see a darkhorse like Faqu winning the thing. Either way we've got one heck of a show! COACH Plus the Beatles are performing! COLE No they aren't. COACH I have a Kazoo and I know the chorus to as my guitar gently weeps. The OAOAST Marks are stupid they won't know the difference. Some people tell me I look quite a bit like John Lennon. “I WANT CANDIE!” The arena lights drop and Melanie C’s “I want Candie” " hits the PA system. A deep red hue settles on the AP set and a series of pyro sparks go off in front of it, starting from opposite ends of the stage and converging in front of the entrance. Suddenly, a stream of red spotlights flood the arena and begin roaming the crowd as on stage, Candie emerges through a thick cloud of smoke. She gets a good pop from the crowd as she walks out to the top of the ramp and pauses, taking in the crowd's reaction. Candie a inhales deeply as she looks to her left, then to her right, then down at her feet as she places both hands on her head and begins to run them through her blood red hair. After frizzing her hair up, she tosses it back and thrusts her arms into the air... *BOOOOOM...BOOOOOM...BOOOOOOOM...BOOOOOOOOOM...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!* ...and more pyro sparks begin to fire down from the rafters behind her. She flashes an angelic smile into the crowd before starting down the ramp to ringside. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and has a 15-minute time limit. Currently on her way to the ring, hailing from Providence, Rhode Island, she represents the In Crowd…she is CANDIEEEEEEEE! COLE We kick things off with a very personal contest between Candie and Allison! Candie coming out of retirement and leaving her happy home life to protect the man she loves. COACH Yo, if you need your baby’s mama to get your back, you ain’t much of a man at all. Its disgusting to see Zack drag his family in to this because he can’t handle The Enterprise on his own. You in a stable with the world champion and the biggest dude on the roster, and you gotta get a housewive to handle yo business. That’s like the Steelers signing a retarded 3rd stringer on a Pop Warner team to back up Big Ben. She continues down the ramp, tagging the hands of a few ringside fans before sliding under the bottom rope and jogging over to a far turnbuckle. She climbs to the second rope and pumps her fist into the air, eliciting another pop from the crowd as the ring is practically engulfed in a bevy of camera flashes. After a few seconds of playing to the crowd, Candie hops down from the buckle and looks down to the asile. The opening notes of "Money Talks” blast through the loud speakers, and the fans waste no time showing their disapproval for the oncoming superstar. Allison, clad in white pants and black tanktop, steps onto the stage with a smug look stretched across her face. COLE I personally never thought we’d see Allison again, but Moneymaker’s dirty tricks and dirty money have brought her back to torment Zack Malibu. But, tonight she reaps what she has sewn. At least I hope so. BUFFER And the opponent, hailing from Hartford, Connecticut, she represents The Enterprise….ALISSSSSOOOOON! Allison stands on the ramp for several moments, looking out at the crowd that so vehemently despises her. She dismisses them with a shrug of her shoulders and continues to the ring. Once inside the squared circle she shoots Candie a look that could stop an Army Batallion dead in its tracks. But, Candie isn’t intimidated and merely returns the angered glare. Right as the bell rings, Candie launches herself forward at Allison. But as soon as Mrs.Malibu nears, Allison fires a kick her way and deftly swats Candie away. Candie isn’t dissuaded by the near miss and again lunges for her hubbie’s former love. But Allison again uses her tennis shoe to swat Candie away. A slight chant of "CANDIE, CANDIE" can be heard from the right side of the arena which does not sit too well with Allison. She turns around to order the audience to be silent. But taking her eye off of Candie proves to be fatal as the feisty Rhode Islander bulldogs her to the ground. Allison immediately tries to roll away from Candie, but there’s little escape from the torrent of punches the diva throws against her head. COLE Candie is going to town! That a girl! COACH That a girl? What kind of way is this to settle disputes? Did Jennifer Aniston come onto the set of Changeling and just bulldog Angelina Jolie for no reason? After suffering through a seemingly endless wave of punches, Allison manages to find her way back to her feet. However, she can’t find any escape from Candie as the Rhode Islander grabs her by her hair and flings her to the canavs. Allison hits the rock hard mat with a hard thud and screams in agony. Her cries are music to Candie’s ears and she draws out even more with vicious stomps to Allison’s back. COLE I don’t think Allison came prepared to deal with someone as angry as Candie! Allison no longer has the will or the desire to continue the fight. Thus acting out of sheer desperation, she boots Candie away with a kick to the stomach. Candie staggers backwards with her hands falling to her hurt midsection. This moment of weakness permits Allison the opportunity to slide out the ring to catch her breath. The fans in the front row aren’t happy with this act of cowardice and let Allison know it with insulting taunts. Soon the rest of the area is joining in in belitting Allison for her less than courageous bheavoir. COACH Are these people crazy? They want her to step back in the ring with a woman who’s clearly out of her mind! Candie decides to take the fight to her unwilling opponent. She builds up speed off the ropes, and then dazzles the sold out fanbase by diving onto Allison with a body press! COLE Oh my! Candie pops back up to give high fives to several fans in the front row. Once, she’s done celebrating with the crowd she picks Allison off the canvas and hurls her back into the ring. Although, dizzied Allison is able to get to her feet surprisingly quickly. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Candie charging at her with a shoulder block. She barely sidesteps the Rhode Islander and manages to shove her away. This leads Candie to crash stomach first into the ring posts. “OOOOOOH!” is the audience’s reaction as Candie grimaces from her air being ripped away. Allison is quick to pounce on her and brings her down with a side Russian leg sweep into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Candie kicksout and the fans are thrilled. She gets to her feet under her own power, but is thrown under assault by slaps from Allison. Leaving Candie weak on her feet, Allison heads to the ropes. She bounces back and puts Candie down with a diving lariat! A pinfall follows…. ONE TWO! Once again, Candie kicks out! COLE You just know Candie isn’t going to let this match slip away. She’s going to do everything it takes to get the win. A few fans at ringside begin clapping in unison in an effort to rally Candie as the confident Allison-who's pacing the ring with an extra bounce in her step after the first exchange--motions for her to rise. A scowl forms on Candie’s face as she rises to meet her foe, only to be caught with a vicious kick right to the stomach. Allison promptly coils her arom around Candie’s head in a front facelock and calls for a DDT! COACH Here it comes! Candie violently shoves Allison away, breaking the hold with impressive strength. Allison frowns at Candie’s escape and charges forward to make her ex’s love pay for the counter. But she runs herself right into a powerful School’s Out! Down goes Allison as a pop comes down from every corner of the arena. COLE It runs in the family! School’s Out and Allison is out! Candie smiles broadly as she hooks Allison’s leg for a decisive pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! “YEAAAAAA!” The referee helps Candie to her feet and raises her hand in victory. Candie boasts a wide grin, that’s full of relief and satisfaction at having gotten revenge on Allison. COLE She got it! What a win! What an emotional heartfelt victory for Candie here at Anglepalooza! Allison tried so hard to ruin Zack Malibu’s good name, but the love of his life has defended it in awesome fashion. COACH None of that is gonna matter when Moneymaker bodies Malibu tonight in the Survive or Surrender match. The Malibu family won this battle but The Enterprise is gonna win the war! BACKSTAGE: Hule Bartowski waits just outside of the “Gorilla” position. Dressed in his NEW ring gear – a black leather suit with a white X on the front, along with his now customary arm sling. He’s obviously trying to stay pumped and focused for what’s to come. The crowd begins to BUZZ, then – ZACK MALIBU (in a very good mood, obv) walks up from behind. The crowd goes INSANE! Hule and Zack size each other up for a second. HULE: Sup? ZACK: Sup? Hulie raises a hand… not to HIT, but for DAP! Zack takes it in a Bro embrace. ZACK: Just wanted to wish you luck. And give some advice. HULE: I’m all ears. ZACK: I’ve met up with Phoenix once or twice. Don’t let his disappearances and lack of ring time over the last few years fool you. He’s got the goods. If he’s trained this Die Hard guy, then he’s gonna be a handful, no matter how… ridiculous… he seems to be. Stay focused, watch him close, do what you do – Zack pokes a finger at Hule’s injured shoulder ZACK: - don’t be stupid, and you’ll be fine. Hule looks at his shoulder. He looks at Zack. He smiles, and offers a hand. Zack takes it with a smile and a nod. HULE: Word. Thanks, Zack. And good luck yourself, tonight. Zack winks at the camera and disappears back the way he came. February 26th, 2009 Celtic Spectacular - Boston, MA The Luck Of The Irish Runs Out

The crowd looks into the entryway, but no one walks out. COACH ...is anyone coming? COLE I don't see anyone! Cut back to the ring, where DJ Giant Jesus is looking out to the entryway. As he does this, Wall attacks him from behind, but DJ Giant Jesus turns around and clotheslines him to the mat. He then goes after Sandman and Cortez, when suddenly, Black Sweat plays over the speakers. COACH Oh, for fuck's sake. The crowd goes crazy, as MISTER Warrior runs down the aisle, and rolls into the ring. He looks at DJ Giant Jesus. then raises his arms in the air and pumps them up and down. He runs to the ropes, past DJ Giant Jesus, then ducks a clothesline, and hits one of his own! COLE And a big clothesline from MISTER Warrior! MISTER Warrior backs into the ropes, and hits a second clothesline, staggering DJ Giant Jesus into the ropes, then pounds on his chest, before backing into the ropes and hitting a third clothesline, bending DJ Giant Jesus over the top rope and lifting his right leg in the air, at which point Sandman, Cortez and Wall all swarm in. COACH Oh, he could go here! Sandman and Cortez grab the right leg, and Wall lifts the left leg as MISTER Warrior pushes, and the four men force DJ Giant Jesus OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!!! COLE And he does! DJ Giant Jesus is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7th elimination: DJ Giant Jesus entered: #9 time in ring: 4:36 eliminated: Spencer Reiger, Vinny Valentine eliminated by: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall, MISTER Warrior currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall, MISTER Warrior ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MISTER Warrior pumps his arms in the air once again, until Sandman blasts him from behind with the kendo stick! MISTER Warrior falls into the ropes, then turns around, and is drilled by a Cuban Wall boot, sending him over the top to the floor! COLE And there's gratitude for you in the Lethal Rumble! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8th elimination: MISTER Warrior entered: #11 time in ring: 0:52 eliminated: DJ Giant Jesus (co) eliminated by: Cuban Wall currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cortez is choking Sandman in a corner, and Wall slowly makes his way over and grabs him from behind. Wall hammers Cortez on the back, then sets him up for a powerbomb onto the trashcan! COLE And Wall looking to powerbomb Cortez onto that trashcan! However, Cortez blocks and executes a backdrop! COLE But it's Wall who goes crashing into the trashcan! Sandman follows up by slamming the road sign into Wall, then goes back to Cortez as the count starts. COLE And this will be #12! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! hits, and Denzel Spencer runs to the ring. COLE Denzel Spencer's had some big wins as of late, could tonight be the biggest win of all? Spencer slides in, and delivers right hands to Sandman. He then delivers a foot to the gut, and hits him with a SCISSOR KICK~! COLE Denzel with a scissor kick on Sandman, and you got to think time is going to start catching up with Sandman and Todd Cortez before too long! COACH That's right, those are the two men who started this match, and we've been out here over 20 minutes now! Spencer then attempts an Irish whip on Wall, but Wall reverses. Spencer bounces off the ropes, then slides under the legs of Wall, and hits him with a dropkick! COLE And a nice dropkick! Spencer picks up Wall, and sets him up on the ropes, lifting his left leg and attempting to dump him over. COACH I think Denzel's gonna need some help if he wants to get the big Wall out of there! Wall gains his senses, and clubs Denzel on the back. He then whips Denzel into a corner, and follows him in with an AVALANCHE~! COLE And a big avalanche from the Cuban Wall! Sandman and Cortez fight over a suplex, which Cortez eventually wins, setting Sandman up in the corner. Cortez then tries to follow Sandman up, but Sandman shoves him off. Sandman then steps to the top rope, and jumps off at Cortez, but Cortez catches him with a shot to the gut! COLE Sandman caught there, as we count it down again! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Breathe by Fabolous hits, and the Mad Cappa runs down to the ring. COACH And here's the Mad Cappa making his yearly appearance! Cappa slides in, and takes Wall down by the legs, then starts slugging away at thim. COLE And going right after Cuban Wall, the biggest man out there! Cappa picks up Wall, and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a spinning wheel kick! COLE Nice spinning wheel kick by the Mad Cappa! Cappa then cuts off a double axhandle attempt by Sandman, and delivers a right hand to the gut, followed by an inverted atomic drop! Cappa then backs into the ropes, and floors Sandman with a clothesline! Cortez then hits Cappa from behind, then whips him into the ropes, catching him with a SITOUT SPINEBUSTER~! COLE Sitout spinebuster, trademark move of Todd Cortez! Meanwhile, Denzel and Sandman have Wall set up in a corner! COLE And look at this! Denzel and Sandman working together trying to dump the Cuban Wall! Denzel has the right leg, and Sandman has the left, and Denzel reaches up and pushes back on Wall's head. Soon after, Sandman reaches over and decks Denzel with a right hand! Wall comes down to the mat, and decks Sandman with a right, knocking him to the mat! COLE Well, I'm not sure what Sandman was thinking right there, but Wall is out of trouble now! As Wall assaults Sandman in a corner, Denzel makes his way over to Cortez, and picks him up from behind in a back suplex, attempting to dump him to the floor! COLE And now Todd Cortez in trouble! Cappa gets to his feet, and goes after Wall, as Cortez reaches down and rakes the eyes of Spencer. Cappa sets up an Irish whip on Wall, who reverses. Cappa ducks a clothesline, but Wall catches him with a BIG BOOT~! COLE Wall with that big foot to the face of Cappa! COACH Just in time for another man! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! It's Not My Time plays, and Tim Cash walks through the curtains, waving to the fans. COLE Hey, it's Tim Cash, Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy! COACH Well, good guys finish last in this match, Cole! Cash walks down the aisle, slapping hands with fans, switching sides every few seconds. COLE And he's taking his time to get into the match, too! Cash takes a lap around the ring slapping hands, then climbs inside and gets ambushed by Wall. Wall whips Cash into the ropes, but Cash ducks a boot, then floors Wall with a dropkick! COLE Tim Cash in with a nice dropkick! Cash then floors Cappa with a clothesline! As Wall gets to his feet, Cash calls over Denzel, and the two join to execute a double bodyslam on Wall! COLE Nice double slam! Cash extends a high ten, and Denzel accepts. Cortez then goes after Denzel, while Sandman attacks Cash. Assaults occur in opposite corners, then Sandman and Cortez execute Irish whips. Denzel and Cash meet mid-ring and DO-SI-DO~!, and both hit jumping back heel kicks on their senders! COLE Look at that! Cash and Denzel then attempt to dump Sandman and Cortez, respectively! COLE And the first two entrants into the match now in big trouble! Sandman goes to the apron, as Cash pushes with everything to shove him off, but Sandman hangs on. COACH Look at that, Cash is the freshest guy in the ring, and is giving Sandman, who's been out there since the beginning, everything he's got, and can't get him out! Meanwhile, Cortez has evaded elimination, as well, as he and Denzel are choking one another while laying on their sides, as the countdown begins. COLE And we're about to reach the halfway point! #15, coming up! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, Know Your Role 2000 plays, and Tha Puerto Rican makes his way to the ring. COLE And here he comes! Tha Puerto Rican making his return to the OAOAST! COACH And he better watch his back, Mr. Dick is still in the building! PRL runs to the ring, and slides inside, spinning around Cuban Wall, and delivering right hands! COLE And right after his former stablemate! The runner-up of last year's Rumble, slugging it out with the winner! Wall takes a big swing at PRL, but PRL ducks, and hits him with a superkick, sending him into the ropes, then follows up by clotheslining Wall over the top to the floor! COLE And Cuban Wall is eliminated! A small measure of revenge for PRL, seems to be a running theme tonight! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9th elimination: Cuban Wall entered: #6 time in ring: 18:09 eliminated: DJ Giant Jesus (co), MISTER Warrior eliminated by: Tha Puerto Rican currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Denzel Spencer, The Mad Cappa, Tim Cash, Tha Puerto Rican ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PRL then turns around, and locks eyes with Cappa. COLE And PRL and Cappa have locked eyes! Long-time rivals, set to do battle here! PRL and Cappa move in on one another, and Cappa throws the first punch! The two do battle, and Cappa gets the better of the exchange, then whips PRL into the ropes. He drops down, and PRL hops over, then ducks a clothesline, and delivers a kick to the gut, setting up the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111 COLE PRL setting him up! However, Cappa blocks, and backdrops PRL over the top rope! COACH He's out! However, PRL hangs onto the top rope, and stays on the apron, then rolls back inside, and grabs Cappa from behind, tossing him over the top! However, Cappa also hangs on, and rolls back in, and he and PRL clothesline each other! COLE Double clothesline, both men down! Cash hammers away on Cortez, as Denzel attempts to dump Sandman. COLE And Sandman in trouble once again! Cash executes a gutwrench suplex on Cortez, then goes over and helps Denzel, as the countdown begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Final Ride hits, and the arena fills with boos as Reject makes his way through the curtains, led out by Melissa Nerdly. COACH Uh-oh! COLE And here comes the second Deadly Alliance member to enter the match, one half of the tag team champions, Reject! Reject plants a big one on Melissa, then rushes down to the ring. He slides in, and makes the save for Sandman, driving a knee into the back of Denzel, then hammering Tim Cash with right hands. COLE And right away, Reject coming to the aid of his stablemate, Sandman9000! However, Cash begins to fight back, delivering rights of his own, then a foot to the gut. He runs to the ropes behind Reject, and hits him with a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK~! COLE Cash with that spinning wheel kick to the back of the head! Cash then waits on Reject to pull to his feet, and when he does, hands him a foot, and attempts an enziguri...but Reject ducks, then as Cash comes back to his feet, hits him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE And Cash gets hit with the Eulogy! Reject sits on the mat for a few seconds, then gets to his feet and picks up Cash, tossing him to the outside! COACH He's outta here! Go shake some more hands! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ 10th elimination: Tim Cash entered: #14 time in ring: 4:13 eliminated: none eliminated by: Reject currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Denzel Spencer, The Mad Cappa, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ Reject and Sandman then go to work on Denzel, as Sandman holds him back for some kicks from Reject. Reject and Sandman back Denzel into the ropes, then whip him across, and drop him with a double elbow! COLE And now the two Deadly Alliance members sticking together! Reject then stomps PRL as he attempts to pull himself up on the ropes. Sandman knocks Denzel to the mat once again, then responds to Reject's call for help, as the two attempt to dump PRL! COLE And PRL could be in trouble here! Cappa makes his way over, and rakes Reject's eyes from behind, as Cortez gives Sandman another hand. However, PRL slides through the bottom and middle rope as another countdown starts. COLE And this will be #17! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Makes Me Wonder plays, and Tyler Bryant runs to the ring to the high-pitched screams of the ladies. COLE Tyler Bryant, looking perhaps for a big boost for a solo career, winning the Lethal Rumble! Bryant slides in, and grabs Cortez from behind, assaulting him in a corner. He attempts an Irish whip, which Cortez reverses. Bryant jumps to the second ropes, then does the AUBURN HILLS FAKEOUT~!, sending Cortez dropping to the mat, before climbing to the top, and hitting Cortez with a missile dropkick! COLE Nice fakeout by Tyler, and a great dropkick! Tyler celebrates his move, as the fans cheer him on, then picks up Cortez, and tosses him over the top! However, Cortez hangs on once again! COACH But how about Cortez and Sandman? Still hanging in there! COLE It's been over half an hour now for those two! Bryant spots Cortez on the apron, and tries to shove him out with his feet. However, this opens himself up for Cappa to drive in an elbow! COACH Tyler left himself wide open right there! Reject delivers right hands to PRL, who starts to fire back, and a slugfest ensues! COLE Big slugfest going on, PRL against Reject! PRL gets the better of the exchange, then backs into the ropes and hits a spinning wheel kick! COLE DODGE THIS, BITCH~! PRL then grabs Reject and attempts to dump him over the top! COLE And now going for the elimination! Sandman comes over to help Reject, but Denzel cuts him off, hitting him with a spinkick! He then assists PRL in attempting to dump Reject! COLE Two guys working trying to get Reject out of there! Reject drops to the apron, as Bryant sits on the mat and tries to shove him off. Cortez comes over and grabs Bryant in a choke/sleeper, while Sandman comes to and rakes the face of both PRL and Denzel. COLE But the Deadly Alliance sticking together! Reject slides back inside, and trips up PRL, then chokes him on the mat. Cappa hammers away on Cortez, while Denzel and Sandman go at it. Cappa tries to dump Cortez, as the count begins... 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Rebirthing by Skillet hits, and Lunar Phoenix makes his way through the curtains, an arrogant grin on his face. COACH Phoenix! COLE Two of the last three winners of this match have drawn #18, can Lunar Phoenix become the third? Phoenix stops at the front of the entryway, then jogs the rest of the way to the ring, and slides inside. Phoenix stands back as Cappa is still attempting to dump Cortez, then once he has a shot, drills Cappa with a SUPERKICK~!!!111, sending him over the top of Cortez all the way to the floor! COLE And Phoenix getting to work right away, eliminating the Mad Cappa! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 11th elimination: The Mad Cappa entered: #13 time in ring: 10:15 eliminated: none eliminated by: Lunar Phoenix currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Denzel Spencer, Tha Puerto Rican, Reject, Tyler Bryant, Lunar Phoenix ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Phoenix then goes after Bryant, delivering a shot to the gut, followed by a snap suplex. He picks Tyler back up, and dumps him over the top rope, but Tyler lands on the apron. But before Phoenix can attempt to shove him off, he is grabbed from behind by Denzel, who delivers a European uppercut, then executes a back suplex! Meanwhile, in a corner, Cortez is attempting to dump Sandman over. COLE And here we are again, the two men who started this match, going at it! PRL charges at Reject in a corner, but Reject gets his foot up! Reject sinks to his knees, then notices Sandman on the brink, and pops back up to deliver a shot to the gut of Cortez. COACH But there's Reject again! Where there's one, there's usually another! Cortez should have thought about that before he double-crossed James! Reject helps Sandman down, and the two make their way back to PRL, working him over in a corner. Bryant works on Cortez, while, Denzel scoops up Phoenix for an attempted elimination! COLE And Denzel's got Phoenix on the ropes! Phoenix, hanging upside down, delivers a shot to the groin of Denzel, then reaches down to the apron, using it to push himself back inside. COACH And you can't bitch about it in this match, Cole! Reject and Sandman hoist PRL for elimination once again, as the countdown begins... 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! A cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, and the crowd gets up for Brock Ausstin, as he does his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. COLE Here's a guy with a great chance coming out at this time! The Current Big Thing, Brock Ausstin! Brock jogs to the ring, and hops onto the apron, then climbs inside and catches Reject and Sandman coming at him with a double clothesline! COLE Big double clothesline! Brock then catches Denzel with a clothesline! He then scoops up Phoenix, and executes the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE F-Stunner-5 for Lunar Phoenix! He then sizes up PRL, and executes an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY~! After he gets to his feet, Sandman reaches up and takes him down by the knee, as Cortez and Bryant hammer him on the back, and Sandman holds his legs as Cortez, Bryant, and Reject stomp away on him. COACH We'll stop that momentum in a hurry! COLE Brock came in like a house afire, but the other combatants have joined to extinguish those flames! PRL sneaks in some kicks, as well, as Reject and Sandman pick up Brock, and prop him up in a corner. Reject lays in a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! As PRL and Phoenix slug it out, Reject and Sandman each grab a leg, and attempt to force Brock to the outside! COLE And now they're going to try to dump the big man out! Brock struggles, and eventually manages to free himself by hammering Reject with his right arm, then delivers a big right to the gut of Sandman. He then grabs the heads of Reject and Sandman, and rams them together! COLE The old double noggin knocker! Meanwhile, Denzel and Bryant work over Cortez, as the countdown begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! hits, and Nathaniel Black runs to the ring. COLE 2/3 of the way through the field with another Cucaracha Internacional member, Nathaniel Black! Black slides into the ring, and hammers on Bryant from behind, then executes a HAMMERLOCK DDT~! He then grabs Denzel, and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a BLACK LARIAT~! COLE Nathaniel Black making a big entrance, coming to the aid of his stablemate, Todd Cortez! Cortez comes to, and assists Black, as they attempt to dump Bryant to the floor! COLE And now they've got Tyler Bryant in trouble! Denzel comes to Bryant's aid, ramming the heads of Black and Cortez together! COLE But there's Denzel Spencer! Reject and Sandman continue to work over Brock, while Phoenix chokes PRL in a corner. Denzel gives Cortez one of his feet, then turns over and does a somersault on the mat, using his leg to drag Cortez across the ring! COLE Denzel with another nice move on Cortez, who along with Sandman is closing in on the 40-minute mark! Cortez lands at the feet of Reject, who stomps away, until Denzel comes over and rakes Reject's eyes from behind. Meanwhile, Phoenix scoops PRL up and sets him across the buckles! COLE And Phoenix looking once again to dump the former World champion! Black makes his way over to give Phoenix a hand, but Bryant follows over and hammers away on Black. PRL lifts his right leg up and hammers Phoenix repeatedly with it until Phoenix releases his hold, then PRL slips back into the ring, as the count begins... 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!!

30 MEN ENTER 29 MEN FALL ONE MAN FUFILLS HIS DESTINY THE 2009 LETHAL RUMBLE Featuring: Phoenix, Ragdoll, Bohemoth, Sandman9000, Alfdogg, Ned Blanchard, Landon Maddix, Christian Wright, AND MORE! Who will live their dream at Anglemania? COLE Well folks, it's now time! 30 men enter, one man goes to AngleMania for a shot at the OAOAST World title! It's the Lethal Rumble match! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...it is now time, for our main event of the evening! Tonight, 30 of the OAOAST's premier superstars will do battle...in the LETHAL Rumble match! *crowd cheers* The rules are as follows...earlier, the 30 superstars involved drew numbers at random. In just a few moments, the participants drawing numbers 1 and 2 will enter the ring, with a new participant entering every two minutes in order of the numbers drawn! Elimination occurs when a participant is thrown over the top rope, and both feet touch the floor! The last man in the ring after all participants have entered will be declared the winner, and will go on to receive an OAOAST World title shot at AngleMania VIII! ARE YOU READY??? *crowd cheers* Seattle, Washington...ARRRRRRRE YYYYYOUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYY??? *crowd cheers louder* Then for the thousands in attendance here in Seattle, and the millions and millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! As the crowd's cheers die down, the lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” COLE Oh my! The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...the participant who drew #1...he represents the Deadly Alliance, and is the OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSANDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN NNNN NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COACH Well, #1 is typically considered a bad draw, but I don't think it matters with Sandman! He could tear through this whole thing! COLE But what happens if it comes down to him and another member of the Deadly Alliance? COACH Hey...every man for himself! Sandman climbs into the ring and removes his bandanas, then moves to the far side of the ring. Oh No by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoahe Monche hits, and Todd Cortez comes through the curtains, to a mixed reaction of mostly cheers. BUFFER And now, the participant who drew #2...representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is the OAOAST United States champion..."THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZ!!!!! COLE So we've got the Heartland champion and the US champion to start us off! Cortez gets halfway down the aisle, then runs the rest of the way to the ring, and slides in, engaging in a slugfest! *DING DING DING* COLE And the Lethal Rumble is underway! Sandman gets the better of the slugfest, then whips Cortez into the ropes. Cortez ducks a clothesline, and catches Sandman with a flying forearm! Cortez slugs away at Sandman on the mat, then picks him up and whips him into a corner. However, Sandman gets his foot up! COLE Cortez had some nice offense going, but got stopped cold right there! Sandman slowly makes his way towards Cortez, then picks him up and backs him into the same corner, firing away with some forearms, then brings him out and executes a snapmare, followed by a seated dropkick! Sandman gets up, then picks up Cortez slowly, scooping him up in a fireman's carry, and attempting to dump him to the floor! COLE And Sandman going for the early ouster! Cortez struggles, then thumbs Sandman in the eye. He slides off his back, then scoops him up in a slam, and attempts elimination himself! COACH And now it's Sandman on the brink! After a brief struggle, Sandman goes to the apron, then grabs a hold of Cortez's leg, before reaching up and delivering a shot to the gut. Sandman then rolls back inside, and pulls himself up in the corner, pausing a second before making his way over to Cortez and hooking him, executing a snap suplex! Sandman then hops to the second rope, and attempts a senton bomb, but Cortez rolls out of the way, as the countdown begins! COLE And here comes our third entrant! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah The crowd comes to its feet, as Superstar by Lupe Fiasco plays, and Simon Singleton runs through the curtains towards the ring. COLE And it's one half of the Beverly Hills Blonds, Simon Singleton! Simon slides in and picks up Cortez, backing him into a corner, and hammering away. COLE Simon, ever the opportunist, taking advantage of the situation, with Sandman and Cortez both down! Simon lifts one leg of Cortez, attempting elimination, then sees Sandman coming from behind, and delivers a shot to the gut. He then slips behind, and executes an atomic drop, sending Sandman into the ropes, where Simon then pounces and attempts to push him over! COLE Sandman in trouble once again! Sandman blocks, then pokes Simon in the eye. Sandman kicks Simon in the face, then takes a shot from Cortez. Cortez then backs up Sandman, and executes a Russian legsweep, followed by a legdrop! He then gets to his feet and sizes up Simon, and hits him with a springboard dropkick! Cortez then picks up Simon, and sets him up in a standing headscissors. Simon blocks, and backdrops Cortez over the ropes! COACH Wow, Cortez almost eliminated there! Simon gets up, and is met with a running sleeperhold drop by Sandman! COLE And Simon may be eliminated after that move from Sandman! Sandman then meets Cortez rolling back inside, and stomps away, as another count begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Like the Angel by Rise Against, and MARV gets a nice response as he makes his way to the ring. COLE MARV of the Christ Air Express, the #4 entrant! MARV slides in and ducks a clothesline from Sandman, running to the ropes, and catching him with a flying shoulderblock! COLE And a big flying shoulderblock on Sandman! MARV follows up with a scoop slam, followed by a double stomp to the midsection! MARV then goes after Cortez, while Simon comes to and goes over to Sandman, and separate assaults occur in opposite corners. Simon and MARV then look across at each other. COLE Simon and MARV looking to team up for a move here! Simon whips Sandman, and MARV whips Cortez, and the two collide mid-ring! MARV then executes a JAWJACKER~! on Cortez, while Simon sends a foot to the gut of Sandman, and executes a swinging neckbreaker! COACH This isn't fair, these two are working together! Simon extends a high ten, and MARV accepts...but Simon then delivers a foot to the gut, and tosses MARV over the top rope! COLE Not anymore! However, MARV hangs on, and comes back in, then hits Simon with a knee from behind, sending Simon halfway over the top! MARV then moves over and tries to dump him the rest of the way. COLE Simon could be in trouble here! Simon braces himself with his right hand on the apron, then swings his left elbow back and connects with the face of MARV! COACH Ooh, what a shot! Sandman delivers right hands to MARV, then Simon delivers a shot to the midsection. Sandman holds MARV for Simon, and Simon delivers some shots. COACH How about this double team? Sandman then tosses MARV to the mat, before getting met with a thumb to the eye from Simon, then the countdown starts. COACH Here comes another one, Cole! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The Church of Hot Addiction hits, and the arena fills with boos as James Blonde jogs through the curtains and towards the ring. COLE Another member of Cucaracha Internacional, James Blonde! COACH One-third of the six-man tag champs! Blonde slides in the ring as Simon is working over Cortez, and attacks him from behind. COLE And Blonde coming to the aid of his stablemate, Todd Cortez! Blonde hammers Simon on the back, as Cortez comes to. Blonde then holds Simon for Cortez, who lays in some shots to the midsection. COACH And if these two can keep working together, this will be a big advantage for Cucaracha Internacional! COLE And that's long been a problem for that stable, particularly when Todd Cortez is involved! Blonde and Cortez back Simon into a corner, and each lift a leg, attempting to force him over. COACH Well, maybe they can get rid of Simon here! Cortez pushes back on the forehead of Simon, as he and Blonde lift him up by the legs, but MARV makes the save, hammering Cortez in the midsection. Blonde then attacks MARV, as Sandman comes over and grabs Cortez. When he does, Blonde tosses MARV over the top to the apron, then jumps Sandman from behind. COLE And now it's the two CI guys doubling up on the Deadly Alliance member! COACH And he could go here! Cortez and Blonde have Sandman set up on the ropes, as MARV comes back after Blonde, and Simon reaches through the middle and top rope, grabbing Sandman by the head. Sandman manages to maneuver himself between the ropes and back into the ring, as Cortez stomps away at him, and Simon chokes. COLE Sandman able to hang on, but still taking a beating! MARV has Blonde set up on the ropes, as the countdown begins once again. COLE #6, coming up! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! No Chance in Hell by Bradley Royds hits, and Cuban Wall makes his way down the aisle. COLE And here comes last year's winner of the Lethal Rumble! He'll have to last a long time if he hopes to repeat, the Cuban Wall! Wall takes his time getting to the ring, and steps inside, spinning MARV around, and executing the WALLBREAKER~!!!. COLE And getting started right away! Wall then flattens Sandman with a BIG BOOT~! Simon charges, but gets scooped up, and hit with a shoulder breaker! COACH Cuban Wall looking really good in there so far! Blonde and Cortez hammer Wall from behind, then set him up on the ropes. They whip him across, setting up for a double clothesline, but Wall runs right through them with one of his own! COLE Wall's gone through them all! Wall makes his way over to MARV, and scoops him up, moving to a corner with him, but MARV slips behind the back, and shoves Wall into the corner! MARV then hits Wall with a dropkick! COLE But MARV fighting back, has got the big man stunned! Simon chokes Cortez on the mat, as Sandman rolls to the outside. COLE Sandman on the outside here... COACH What's he doing? Sandman flips the ring apron up, and rummages underneath the ring, until he finds a garbage can full of assorted goodies! GARBAGE DAY~!!! COACH Uh-oh! Sandman rolls back inside, then empties the trashcan out in the corner, before raising it in the air, and bringing it down on the back of James Blonde! COLE And the Heartland champion marking his territory here! Sandman then raises the can again, and slams it onto the head of Wall! He then tosses it into the hands of Simon, before driving it into his face with a YAKUZA KICK~! Sandman then walks over and grabs a KENDO STICK which was laying on the mat! He delivers a shot to the shoulder of Cortez, then one to the back of MARV, as another count begins. COACH I pity whoever's being counted down at #7! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats plays, and Biff Atlas walks slowly through the curtains and towards the ring. COACH Oh, poor Biff! COLE Biff Atlas, with the not-so-lucky number 7! Biff jogs slowly to the ring, and rolls inside, as Sandman is choking Cortez with the kendo stick. Biff takes a couple steps around MARV, and lays in a stomp, and another...before Sandman whacks him over the head with the kendo stick, sending him backwards over the top rope to the floor! COLE Nice knowin' ya, Biff! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1st elimination: Biff Atlas entered: #7 time in ring: 0:09 eliminated: none eliminated by: Sandman9000 currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Simon Singleton, MARV, James Blonde, Cuban Wall ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE We may have seen a record set right there, as Biff is out as fast as he got in there! Sandman then stalks Blonde, who executes a drop toe hold, sending Sandman into the trashcan! COACH Nice move there by James Blonde! Blonde then grabs a road sign which was inside the trashcan, and brings it down on the back of Sandman! Cortez joins the assault, while in another corner, MARV and Simon each have a leg of Cuban Wall, and are trying to dump him out. COLE Cuban Wall's repeat bid could be in jeopardy here! Wall manages to escape, as Blonde and Cortez once again try to dump Sandman to the outside. Wall makes his way over to help, hammering Sandman's midsection with right hands. Simon comes from behind and grabs a leg of Blonde, attempting to dump him, as well, at which point Cortez releases and drills Simon with a right hand. Sandman snakes back through the ropes, where MARV meets him with a chokehold. Wall turns his attention to Cortez, hammering him with soupbones from behind, as the count begins once again. COLE Sandman continuing to escape elimination, as we're ready for #8! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! by David Guetta plays, and Spencer Reiger twirls onto the scene. COLE Spencer Reiger! Big opportunity for this young man! Reiger saunters down the aisle, then rolls inside, and grabs MARV from behind. He pulls back for a right hand, but MARV blocks, and fires off with rights of his own! COLE But right away, Spencer gets caught! MARV whips Reiger into the ropes, and backs in himself, catching Reiger with a flying forearm! Reiger rolls into the ropes, and MARV charges, but runs into Reiger's elbow! COACH And now MARV gets caught! Spencer takes MARV over the top to the apron with a hiplock, then waits for him to get to his feet, and executes an ENZIGURI~!, causing MARV to somersault off the apron to the floor! COLE And MARV is eliminated! What a move by Spencer Reiger! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2nd elimination: MARV entered: #4 time in ring: 8:33 eliminated: none eliminated by: Spencer Reiger currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Simon Singleton, James Blonde, Cuban Wall, Spencer Reiger ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reiger celebrates his feat, but is ambushed by Sandman, as Blonde executes a LIONSAULT~!!!111 on Simon! COLE And there's a Lionsault from James Blonde to Simon Singleton! Cortez and Blonde then pick up Simon, and pitch him over the top to the floor! COLE And Simon is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3rd elimination: Simon Singleton entered: #3 time in ring: 10:50 eliminated: none eliminated by: Todd Cortez, James Blonde currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, James Blonde, Cuban Wall, Spencer Reiger ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blonde also celebrates...but his fate is different than that of Reiger, as Cortez suddenly grabs him and tosses him to the floor! COACH What the hell? COLE Cortez just eliminated James Blonde! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4th elimination: James Blonde entered: #5 time in ring: 7:02 eliminated: Simon Singleton (co) eliminated by: Todd Cortez currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall, Spencer Reiger ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blonde is in disbelief on the floor, as he shouts insults at Cortez. Wall hammers Cortez from behind, then whips him into the ropes, and attempts a big boot, but Cortez ducks, and executes a CROTCH-DROPPAH~! COLE And Cortez stays on the offense, with his inverted atomic drop on Cuban Wall! Reiger then jumps across the ring with a trashcan lid, connecting with the head of Wall! COACH And look at Spencer making use of the weapons! Reiger then picks up the kendo stick, and drives it into the gut of Cortez, then down onto the back! Reiger then raises the stick in the air, and turns around, only to be met by Sandman, who drives a foot into the gut, and drills him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COLE Sandman with the Archangel's Wings, as the count begins to #9! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! hits, and the crowd comes to its feet. COLE Uh-oh! The dancers lead DJ Giant Jesus into the entryway, and they put on a brief dance routine, before making their way towards the ring. COLE Another hot newcomer, 453 pounds, 7 feet tall, DJ Giant Jesus! DJ Giant Jesus pulls himself onto the apron, and climbs over the top rope, as everyone in the ring looks on. Sandman makes the first move, but gets floored by a double forearm body check! DJ Giant Jesus then blocks a right hand from Wall, and delivers a HUGE headbutt! Big boot for Cortez! Reiger is just coming to, as DJ Giant Jesus sizes him up, then lifts him high over head. COACH Oh no, Spencer! DJ Giant Jesus carries Reiger to the side of the ring, and tosses him all the way down to the floor! COLE Oh my God! Spencer must have been 15 feet in the air! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5th elimination: Spencer Reiger entered: #8 time in ring: 2:35 eliminated: MARV eliminated by: DJ Giant Jesus currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall, DJ Giant Jesus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everyone backs off once again, as Sandman attempts to communicate. COACH I think Sandman's trying to pull everyone together here against this big monster! Sandman, Cortez, and Wall slowly move in on DJ Giant Jesus, then after a few seconds, quickly pounce, and go to his legs. COLE And they're gonna try to dump the big man! However, after a few seconds struggle, DJ Giant Jesus reaches down and shoves all three men off! All three men move in individually once again, and are all turned away with right hands and headbutts! They then back off again as the count begins. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Rock Your Baby by George McCrae hits, and the effects kick in, as Vinny Valentine struts through the curtains. COLE Very confident, Vinny Valentine coming out, but I think he'll want to wipe that expression off his face when he sees what awaits him! Tony Tourettes follows Vinny out and down to the ring, where he slides in and spots DJ Giant Jesus, and begins to strike up a conversation. COLE What do you think Vinny's saying to him? Vinny suddenly backs off, and breaks into a dance routine. COACH I think they're going to have a dance-off! Tony joins in as well, moving his ass back and forth violently and spinning around in a circle. Vinny then stops and points to DJ Giant Jesus. TONY TOP THAT, YOU FAT FUCK! DJ Giant Jesus then begins to dance, winning the cheers of the crowd. When he turns his back to Vinny, Vinny comes from behind and lays a forearm into his back, which of course has no effect. COACH Vinny, what are you doing? DJ Giant Jesus slowly turns around, then grabs Vinny by the face and pie-faces him over the top rope! COLE I think we have a winner in our dance-off! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6th elimination: Vinny Valentine entered: #10 time in ring: 0:44 eliminated: none eliminated by: DJ Giant Jesus currently in ring: Sandman9000, Todd Cortez, Cuban Wall, DJ Giant Jesus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As DJ Giant Jesus turns around, Cortez tosses the trashcan across the ring at him, then Sandman starts hammering him with the kendo stick! COLE And now these guys pulling out all the stops! Wall joins in with a road sign, as they all hammer DJ Giant Jesus down to the mat. COACH Well, they took him down, but they've got to take him up and over the top rope! The three other combatants lifts DJ Giant Jesus up off the mat, and set him up on the ropes, but once again, he manages to fight his way free, as the countdown begins once again. 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!!

COLE It's now time for one of our feature match-ups here at AnglePalooza 2009, the battle for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Champion Leon Rodez defends against the red-hot number one contender, Mister Dick, a match intensified by a war of words in the past couple of weeks. As you'd expect, both of these outspoken superstars have had plenty to say in the run-up. But whatever you think of what's been said, one thing that can't be denied is the impressive run Mister Dick has been on in the past few months. A run which could be topped off with not just the biggest win of his career tonight, but he hopes the two biggest wins of his career in the space of a week. First though, he's going to have to get through the World Champion, who hasn't shirked a challenge and has no problems getting in the ring with the OAOAST's hot streak player. Leon is looking for the same as his challenger, to pick up these victories and prove himself as a World Champion. Coach, your thoughts on this one and let's keep the innuendo to a minimum, okay? COACH Fine. There'll be plenty of time for dick jokes during the match. COLE I was afraid you'd say that. COACH What isn't a joke though is Mister Dick's checklist. You call it a hot streak, I call it a dominant streak. First off, he joined The Deadly Alliance and you don't do that without something special. Then, he took out the former World Champ, Tha Puerto Rican. Put him on the shlef. He put Shayne Brave out of action. He's tormented Krista for months, not like the rest of the OAOAST who are left quivering wrecks within a few weeks, he's took it right to her, no fear. Couple of weeks ago, he pinned Baron Windels 1, 2, 3. Then Thursday night, how else can you describe the performance against Los Diablos but dominant? Face it, Leon's in trouble. COLE If Leon's got anything to worry about, he's not letting it so far. Let's not forget the run of BAD luck Leon had to overcome in order to fulfill his dream of becoming the World Champion. He's fought so hard to turn things around, you can bet he won't be giving it up without a fight. The cameras pan across the sold-out Seattle crowd in this time, bringing each section to their feet at the chance of getting their faces on TV and DVD. Yeah, we see ya, sit down already. COLE World Title at stake, part of our triple main-event. Let's go up to Michael Buffer for the introductions. *DINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall... and it is for the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! Mister Dick's loving ode to himself fades into "Womanizer" by Britney Spears, her loving ode to the I'm sure many men who've hurt her in her life. Not appreciating the irony of coming out to a song expressing disgust for men like him, Mr. Dick stands beneath a golden shower of pyro. Mr. Dick rubs his well-toned upper body amongst the sparks before emerging into a shower of boos. Now that the sparks are behind him, Mr. Dick is no longer a fire hazard and douses himself in baby oil. Far too much baby oil! BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger! He hails from San Antonio, Texas and weighs in tonight at two hundred, thirty eight ROCK HARD pounds! Representing The Deadly Alliance. One of the most controversial superstars that the OAOAST has ever seen, tonight he looks to establish himself a an entity unto himself by winning his first singles championship. Ladies and gentlemen, he is "THE HUMAN HARD ON"... MMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEEERRRRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Wearing a special pair of metallic gold short shorts for the special occasion Mr. Dick slithers into the ring. Smirking to himself, he breaks the new shorts in, rubbing himself against the ring canvas before humping into life. COLE Not neccessarily a popular choice for number one contender, but a choice made on merit by OAOAST President Josie Baker. COACH Mister Dick deserves every bit of this number one contendership and if you ask me, the World Title's just the natural progression. Tonight the belt, then Krista, after that immortality. From The Real American Dick to the Immortal Dick. Mr. Dick climbs the turnbuckles and 'treats' the crowd to a better look. As he hops down, referee Mike Chioda attempts to check him over for weapons. Mr. Dick proves why he's called Mr. Dick by making life unneccessarily difficuly for him, rubbing some baby oil off his chest and into Chioda's face, then making some rather unsavoury pelvic movements when he goes to check the boots. Chioda tells Mr. Dick in no uncertain terms to 'cut it out'. COLE Referee Mike Chioda well aware of Mister Dick's track record. He was the official in charge of the match with Baron Windels two weeks ago who missed Mister Dick's match turning lowblow. I spoke to Mike earlier and he's watched that match back and tonight, he's vowing to be EXTRA vigilant where Mister Dick is concerned. COACH That sounds like bias to me. COLE If Mister Dick plays by the rules like he should, there'll be no problem, will there? Watching the entrance way, Mr. Dick continues to 'lather up' with the baby oil. COLE Wait until you hear this ovation. .:CUE: "Rock The Casbah", Trust Company:. "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" A predictably loud reaction greets the arrival of the World Champion, Leon Rodez sweeping out through the entrance way. Leon pops open the lavish robe to reveal the World Title around his waist and points a finger to the skies. BUFFER And introducing his opponent! Coming to the ring, hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan! Weighing in tonight at two hundred, eighteen and three quarter pounds. He represents The In Crowd! Since winning the belt in late November, this superstar has vowed to be a fighting champion and take on all comers, in a bid to solidify himself as not only one of the most charismatic and entertaining, but also one of the very best wrestlers in the OAOAST... he is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOORRRRLLLLDD... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The smiling Rodez glides his way down the aisle, tagging hands with the Seattle crowd. He stops at the end of the aisleway for a second, staring up at Mr. Dick who leans over the ropes mouthing off at him. Leon brushes it all around, surrounding himself instead with the cheers of the crowd as he goes to the corner of the barricade and kneels on it to get a better view. COLE Leon Rodez is rapidly beginning to find out what it's like to be a wanted man. And not by female admirers. All eyes are on the World Champion, all focus on that belt with AngleMania VIII fast approaching. Leon disrobes before entering the ring, well aware of the chances of being jumped by his opponent. He jumps up onto the ring apron and blows a kiss to the crowd. Coiled and ready, Mr. Dick watches as Leon enters the ring, but doesn't make a move with the World Champion watching him closely. Giving Mr. Dick something to watch closely Leon removes the title belt and raises it over his head. COLE The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH Yeah. Make the most of it. Handing over the World Title, Leon pats the centre plate for good luck. Chioda shows the belt to the challenger, who tries to get good luck by rubbing it against his more intimate areas, but Chioda manages to avoid that happening and holds the belt up for the crowd. COLE And now, all the side issues must become non issues. Krista's LA title shot, the Lethal Rumble outcome, all must be forgotten and all focus must be on the here and now and the number one contender Mister Dick. *DINGDINGDING!* Both men are ready and with the belt out, the match is underway. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Coming out of their corners Leon and Mr. Dick square up, with Mr. Dick's mouth running a mile a minute as usual. What he's saying we can't hear, but the grabbing of his crotch is a pretty self explanatory threat before he lands with a right hand. And Leon quickly retaliates as the two men get into an exchange of punches! COLE We're not wasting any time here! Back and forth, champion and challenger go, before Leon tries to gain some control with a side headlock. Mr. Dick quickly throws him off into the ropes and sets himself to knock Leon down on the rebound with a firm shoulder tackle. Quickly getting back up Leon is undaunted and comes off the ropes again, but hits the mat again from another shoulder tackle. Mr. Dick dares Leon to try again and the World Champ does. As Mr. Dick tenses up Leon pulls out of the contact this time and instead goes behind with a surprise waistlock. An attempted takedown fails though and Mr. Dick turns in, backdropping Rodez. COLE Mister Dick using his power and using it to good effect. Leon backs into a corner and with a look of digust, he wipes his arms and hands against the turnbuckle pads. COLE Of course, it helps if your opponent can't get a grip on you to lift you because you're covered in baby oil. COACH You've gotta be strong and brave to get a good grip on Dickzilla. Go with both hands. COLE And we are back. Tentatively sizing his opponent up, Leon's thoughts of a lock-up are put aside with Mr. Dick rubbing his oily torso with a perverse smile. COLE This man could be our World Champion you know. Think about that for a second. Forced to take an alternative attack, Leon sneaks behind Mr. Dick and dropkicks him in the back. Falling into the ropes, Mr. Dick stumbles back into a second dropkick and winds up hung across the middle rope! Leon does the jig, but as soon as he comes off the ropes, Mister Dick is out of the ring calling for a timeout. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The anti-social number one contender gets into it with the crowd. Which distracts him as Leon comes off the apron with an axehandle to the back of the neck, sending Dickzilla spilling forward into the barricade. Leon stays on MD with a couple of right hands, before suddenly getting an idea. He drags Mr. Dick by the head (on his shoulders) around ringside, putting his face into the announce table. COACH Hey... hey, get out of here! Despite Coach's protests, Leon uses Coach for assistance, grabbing hold of him by the shirt... and with Mr. Dick in a headlock, uses the hapless announcer's top to rub the baby oil off of Mr. Dick's torso! COACH (off mic) GET HIM OFF OF ME! COLE I'll be right over partner! Once Mr. Dick has been de-oiled, Leon drags him back to the ring and sends him into the ring apron. Back inside, Mr. Dick without proper lubrication is like Samson without hair and is forced to BEG OFF from the World Champion! Nothing doing, as Leon delivers a dropkick with MD on his knees and makes a cover... 1... 2... No! Rodez follows Mr. Dick into a corner, delivering a right hand... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Another chop connects. Not liking this, Mr. Dick shoves Leon away and loads up a Texas sized right hand. Ducking underneath Leon catches Mr. Dick in another waistlock and this time EXECUTES the takedown, to a completely unwarranted pop. Mr. Dick squirms around on the mat trying to escape Leon's clutches but with his lack of oil he's unable to get free and can only drag his way to the ropes with Rodez still riding him. COACH Dude, Leon just wiped Mr. Dick off on my shirt. COLE Don't know why you're complaining. You could probably get a bundle for it on eBay after the show. COACH Hey, homo, I know what name you use on eBay, don't even try it with me. COLE We'll talk in private. Mister Dick rants at the referee about his lack of slipperyness and Leon capitalises with a boot... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and another knifedge chop. Irish whip sends Mr. Dick to the ropes and Leon goes for a hiptoss, but can't get MD over. Blocking a second time, The Human Hard On swings and misses with a clothesline, getting caught in a backslide... 1... 2... No! Mr. Dick is up quickly, only to get caught in another waistlock. Again unable to slide out Mister Dick is beside himself and calls the referee over to complain some more. It's just coincidence surely that this pulls the referee out of position. With Chioda in front of him Mister Dick gripes, but is clearly thinking. And when the time is right, he throws his leg back... ...and it gets caught. MR. DICK "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh, Leon had that idea well scouted and Mr. Dick just got caught red handed! With Mr. Dick's foot in his hands Leon looks to the referee with a shrug. Chioda chastises Mr. Dick for the attempted lowblow and threatens to throw the match out, which causes Dickzilla to apologise profusely, near begging. This allows Rodez to let Mr. Dick go and connect with another dropkick to the back, sending him sprawling forward. With Mr. Dick on the middle rope, Leon does THE JIG~! again, to a roar of approval from the Seattle crowd. And so, they get an EXTENDED jig! Leon then hits the ropes, shooting back... ...into a STIFF KI... ...NO! Leon ducks underneath and rolls Mr. Dick up... 1... 2... No! COLE Mister Dick is struggling to get anything going so far. Could Mister Dick be having trouble rising to the occasion? COACH Yeah, leave the puns to me. With Leon hounding him locking to apply a hold, Mister Dick again leaves the ring and throws his arms up in disgust. Leon is told not to follow by the referee and he's happy to play to the crowd instead. COLE This is what Leon is capable of doing, taking opponents off their game. Something which Mr. Dick usually does with his antics, but not tonight. "JOCK ITCH!" "JOCK ITCH!" "JOCK ITCH!" "JOCK ITCH!" Hearing the chants, Leon smirks and makes the money sign with his fingers as he smells potential royalties from his coined phrase. COLE And this crowd is, dare I say it, riding Mister Dick right now. COACH Well, I thi... MR. DICK (slamming his hands into the table) HEY! YOU MAKE THESE DICKLESS WONDERS QUIT WITH THAT CRAP NOW, YA HEAR ME!? COLE What do you expect us to do about it!? We'll never know, as before Mister Dick can respond Leon leaves the ring and spins him around into a right hand! Thrown back inside, Mr. Dick is finally able to work an opening though, catching Leon on the way in with a boot! Mr. Dick stomps away on the World Champion before turning his frustrations to the crowd and invites them all to kiss his ass, extending the invitation to referee Mike Chioda now he's not on the verge of being disqualified. Mr. Dick then goes back to Leon, hanging him across the middle rope and choking him across it. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Mr. Dick steps off the ropes and gives Leon an insulting pieface. That sparks Leon into firing out with his boot, but Mr. Dick is able to avoid it and places the flat of his boot on the throat to choke him again. COACH As I was saying earlier, I think if Leon plays with fire, he's going to get burned. And if he plays with Mister Dick, he might just ge... COLE Make your point! Without the innuendo please! COACH If he makes Mister Dick mad, he might just pay for it. COLE Thank you! Pulling Leon off the ropes Mister Dick drags him into the centre of the ring, scoop and a slam. Off the ropes a kneedrop follows... 1... 2... No! Mr. Dick mounts Leon and after a tense, awkward and scary moment, he thankfully opts for the mount punches. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" With the crowd getting behind their Champion, Mister Dick takes another moment to insult them all before whipping Leon to the ropes. Another slam attempt is countered as Leon floats over the back, running Mr. Dick into the ropes with a roll-up... 1... 2... Mr. Dick kicks out. Sent towards the ropes by the momentum, Leon shows great agility to hurdle himself over the top and land safely on the apron with time to recover and pop Mr. Dick in the face with a forearm. Rodez runs down the apron and up to the top turnbuckle, looking to come off the third floor. Mister Dick runs to try and cut him off at the knees but Leon leaps off the top and over him just in time! The relief is short-lived though, as when Leon turns around Mr. Dick runs out of the corner with a STIFF KICK to the face!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Nothing hits harder than a Stiff Mister Dick! Cover by the challenger... 1... 2... NO! Sitting up trying to shake off the effects, Leon is rammed with a knee in the back and pulled right back up. Mister Dick senses a momentum change and after short clothesline tries another pin... 1... 2... No! Unhappy, Mr. Dick gets on the ref's case. COLE More intimidation by this overbearing individual. But Mister Dick should be worrying about staying on the World Champion, not making himself feel big by scaring a referee. COACH For once you're right. Gotta stay focused Dickie! Mister Dick's lack of focus is punished, Rodez punching him in the midsection as he goes back on the offence. Fortunately for Mr. Dick, his midsection is firm and his boot is firmer, slamming it into Leon's face. With the Champion down, MD prepares to just be a dick, spreading Leon's legs and preparing to lower the boom. But Chioda is right on him and threatens a DQ if he does so. COLE There we go, show him who's boss Mike! COACH What right does a referee have to stand up to a competitor in the middle of a match like this!? COLE Uhm... the fact that he's the referee? Not wanting to risk that Mister Dick backs off and instead pulls Leon to his feet, "nice and friendly like". Not so friendly, the right hand that follows. Leon staggers back into a corner and Mr. Dick stomps a mudhole and starts walking it dry. Referee Chioda interjects himself again and Mr. Dick breaks on four. Once that warning's over, Mr. Dick places his foot on Leon's throat again. "ONE!" "TWO!" While Chioda is counting, MD takes the opportunity to start untying the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Is there anything Mr. Dick won't stoop to? COACH You? Mr. Dick backs away and ends the choking. As he drags Leon from the corner Chioda starts to re-adjust the turnbuckle pad... ...allowing Mr. Dick to drop the headbutt into the Silky Smooth nether regions of the World Champion!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Ugh, Mr. Dick, Just Being A Dick and manipulating the referee expertly. Concealing the pain his opponent is in with a tight pin cover Mister Dick yells at Chioda to turn around and count... 1... 2... NO! Mr. Dick applies a rear chinlock, muffling Leon's attempts to explain what happened to the ref. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Drawing on the support of the crowd, Leon starts to fight back to his feet. And after working out some of the discomfort lower down his body, he delivers an elbow to the ribs on the challenger. A second elbow catches Mr. Dick hard enough to loosen his grip. And a third breaks him free. Quickly off the ropes, Leon then knocks him down with a clothesline! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Back comes the World Champion! Off the ropes again Leon connects with a second clothesline, bouncing Mr. Dick off the mat again. COACH He must have been wearing a cup. Come on, check him referee! Leon delivers a third straight clothesline and is ALL FIRED UP, doing the same for the Seattle crowd. Getting back to his feet Mr. Dick throws a right hand. A timely weave by Leon pulls him out of the way, connecting with the Rolling Sole BUTT to knock the wind out of Mr. Dick's sails. Rodez grabs a 3/4 headlock and points to a corner. As he runs The Human Hard On in though, a shove in the back blocks the shiranui. Leon just about gets his foot up to block himself in the turnbuckles. Mr. Dick sees a chance and charges, right into a drop toehold, putting him face-first into the middle turnbuckle! COACH Ooh! COLE Great counter move! With Mr. Dick stunned momentarily, Leon is able to hook him up and slice the bread this time! COLE Feedback THIS! 1... 2... NO! Using the ropes to pull himself back up Mr. Dick is reeling and falls into the corner in a daze. From across the ring Leon lines him up and charges in, going high with the double knees... ...but Mr. Dick steps out, catching Leon and dropping him face-first into the top turnbuckle!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE OH, Leon got caught and DUMPED, face first! He could be out! COACH Cover, cover! Mister Dick drags Rodez away from the ropes and hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO! This time Mister Dick is incensed and risks DQ once again as he gets in Chioda's face. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COLE A kickout, but the World Champion looks groggy and that could have been the turning point in this Championship match. COACH I believe it is. Mister Dick's just got to finish up... I mean finish off... COLE We know what you meant. After realising he's wasting his time with the referee Mr. Dick goes back over, stomping on Leon. He picks the World Champion up before he can climb up, delivering a hard right hand against the ropes. And gets another warning. Not listening, Mr. Dick shoos the ref out of the way and whips Leon to the ropes. A clothesline is ducked, but as Leon comes back he gets caught with a big boot to the face. Rodez hits the mat and with a grin on his face, Mr. Dick DICK-CUPS to one side of the crowd! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COACH Oh yeah! What better was to finish him off than this!? Mr. Dick cups his pride and joy to all four sides of the crowd trying to figure out who wants it most. The answer would be nobody. But Mr. Dick ends up picking a side eventually and very slowly hits the ropes, BEFORE DROPPING THE BIG LEG!!! COACH THAT'S IT! COLE The Legdrop from The Real American Dick, don't tell me this is it! COACH I JUST DID! 1... 2... KICKOUTOMGWTF!?!?! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Mr. Dick can't believe it... and CERTAINLY can't believe it when Leon starts to shake back to life. MR. DICK You gotta be shittin' me! With Leon on one knee Mr. Dick clubs him in the back... NO EFFECT!! COLE Oh my god... the World Champion is... he's... uhm, Rodezing Up? Does that work? I dunno, who cares!? Mr. Dick clubs Leon in the back again... NO EFFECT! Actually, tell a lie, it does has some effect as Leon stops in his tracks for a second and cringes in pain, but very quickly shakes it off and points the finger at the shocked Cocky Prick! YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~! COACH Don't punch him! Whatever you do, don't try and punch him! Either stubborn or stupid, Mr. Dick goes for a punch and it gets blocked. COACH Ah damnit! Having blocked the punch, Leon fires back with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing Mister Dick in the back of the head with the enziguri! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Not quite a legdrop, but maybe good enough as Leon makes the cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Not letting disappointment get the better of him, Leon encourages Mister Dick to his feet. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A second! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third. Mr. Dick is hurting, but still manages to reverse an irish whip and send Leon into the turnbuckles instead of him. He then follows up and dives in, connecting with BITE MY GIANT DICK!! COACH Yeah, how does that taste!? Hitting the crossbody clearly relaxes Mr. Dick and he happily slaps Leon around a bit, before jogging towards the opposite corner signalling for a second one. Little does he realise that Leon is jogging a couple of steps behind him. And as he backs up in the corner, Mr. Dick is shocked to get sandwiched against the turnbuckles with a DOUBLE KNEE attack!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Where the hell did that come from!? COLE I think Mister Dick is wondering the same thing! Leon pulls Mr. Dick into a front facelock and hits a vertical suplex, setting him in perfect position to head up top! The Seattle crowd rise to their feet as Leon leaves the ring, giving the universal twirling fingers sign for the 450! COLE The World Heavyweight Champion is heading to the top, maybe seconds away from staying at the very top of the OAOAST ladder! Getting his footing up top Rodez draws the crowd behind him, before tumbling... ...and bailing out as Mr. Dick rolls out of the way!! Leon is BARELY able to land on his feet after just 360 degrees and while he's still unsteady, Mr. Dick reaches out and shoves him forwards into the path of referee Mike Chioda... ...and a NEAR collision, Leon able to stop himself just in time... ...BUT CHIODA ISN'T SO LUCKY TONIGHT, AS MISTER DICK TAKES HIS HEAD OFF WITH A STRAY STIFF KICK!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE OH! Referee Mike Chioda goes down and I think that was unintentional... but then again, who knows!? COACH What do you mean 'think', why would Mister Dick kick the referee in the face? After a moment of shock Mr. Dick is spun around by Leon and given a boot to the stomach. The World Champion begins to set him up for a Tiger Driver. But Mr. Dick drops to his knees AND DELIVERS A LOWBLOW!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE THAT'S why, right there! Just like with Baron, no referee in sight! As Leon crumples in a heap, Mister Dick makes the cover, forgetting for a second with the title within his graps that there's no-one to count. COLE Only difference this time is Chioda isn't just unsighted, he's unconscious! And thank goodness, it doesn't look like Mister Dick is going to get away with it this time after all! Still covering the Champ Mr. Dick reaches over and grabs Chioda's hand, dropping it and realising he's out. A couple of slaps to the back of the head fail to revive him so Mr. Dick crawls over and tries to SHAKE Chioda into waking up. Which unsurprisingly doesn't work, leaving The Human Hard On cursing the referee. Nevermind that he's the one that knocked him out, Mr. Dick is furious with the ref and shows what he thinks by kicking him out of the ring! Mr. Dick then waves to the back for another referee. COLE Hey come on, what the hell was that for!? COACH Well he's no use in the ring if he's knocked out, he's just in the way. COLE Give me a break. Mr. Dick looks around and with no referees in a rush to help out he curses again. By now Leon is beginning to recover and seeing this, The Human Hard On leaves the ring and heads for the timekeeper's table yelling at everyone to get out of the way. He snatches a discarded chair and slides back in, lining Leon up. COLE Oh no... come on, not like this. NOT LIKE THIS~! COACH Yes, LIKE THIS! Pulling himself up by the ropes, Leon nurses his nether regions as the crowd scream warnings of what's waiting behind him. Mr. Dick can barely contain himself, chair shaking in his hands as he prepares to swing. The screams get louder and louder as Leon struggles to recover. Until a thunderous cheer sounds out around the arena. COLE WAIT A MINUTE! Mr. Dick suddenly has the chair ripped from his hands... *CRACK!* "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...AND GETS BLASTED OVER THE HEAD BY THA PUERTO RICAN!!!!! COLE WHAM! MISTER DICK JUST GOT BEHEADED! PRL drops to his knees and cusses a blue streak at Mister Dick before hurling the steel chair out of the ring in a fit of energy. Still nursing his bicep injury a little, Tha Puerto Rican leaves the ring and collects his expensive sunglasses from the arena floor. PRL then makes an effort to revive the referee, before leaving through the crowd where he came from. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" Hundreds of hands pat Tha Puerto Rican on the back as he retreats watching the scene in the ring with a satisfied look on his face. Leon is still winded as he pushes himself off the ropes, seeing Mr. Dick knocked stupid and on wobbly legs. COACH No, this isn't right! THIS ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL! Wha... whe... THA PUERTO RICAN~!? COLE Tha Puerto Rican, the man put on the shelf by Mister Dick's rampage, has extracted his own form of revenge here tonight at AnglePalooza! Staggering around, Mr. Dick walks into a boot, then gets taken up with a BRAINBUSTER, putting him in position. Leon crawls through the ropes, dragging himself up on the apron before heading to the top rope. COACH I can't believe you're going to condone this! COLE Mister Dick had it coming, what can I say? Referee Chioda hauls himself back into the ring, just in time, as Leon reaches the top. He steadies himself, before delivering the 450 SPLASH!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE 450, that's gonna do it! Chioda makes it over to count... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* The fans erupt, Leon slowly rolling off of Mr. Dick with not quite so much enthusiasm. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this contest... and STILL OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOORRRLLLDD... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Leon's hand is raised in victory by the groggy referee, not looking 100% himself as he takes the World Championship belt. Leon raises the belt over his head in victory, but something on his face seems to say he suspects something isn't quite right. COLE Leon Rodez is still the World Champion and moving on, looking ahead and to pull one from your bag of puns, Leon Rodez well and truly beat the Dick! COACH No, PRL did! You know it and I know it, Mr. Dick would be the World Champion right now if Tha Puerto Rican hadn't stuck his nose into this match! COLE And Mr. Dick might not have been on the verge of victory if he hadn't kicked the referee in the face, delivered a lowblow and tried to use a steel chair! Karma is a bitch! Rolling out of the ring Leon hangs the title belt over his shoulder and looks back at his defeated challenger. Unable to shake the feeling that something's up he doesn't make much of his celebration, a simple finger raised in victory before slapping a couple of hands as he backs up the ramp. Mr. Dick begins to stir in the ring holding his head in pain. COACH And to think, all the talk we've had from Leon, all the crap about being an honourable fighting champion. Where's the honour in taking advantage of a man after he's been waffled with a chair? Some World Champion he is! COLE Well the fact is, he IS the World Champion. And he can watch tonight's Lethal Rumble match with greater interest for having gotten this title defence out of the way. Leon continues to leave as Mister Dick drags himself up in the ring. Making himself scarce referee Chioda avoids the full force of Mr. Dick's anger, The Human Hard On kicking the ropes once he fully realises what's happened. Leaving the ring, Mr. Dick picks up the steel chair used on him and points out the indentation his skull made in it, before hurling it at the cameraman who narrowly avoids getting smacked. COLE After all those guarantees of victory, I guess Mister Dick will have to make some alternative plans for the 300th HeldDOWN. COACH Mark my words, you haven't heard the last of Mister Dick! Nobody has! Not Rodez, not Krista and certainly not Tha Puerto Rican! COLE I'm being told that we've got to go backstage right now. Josh Matthews, take it away! The camera quickly cuts to the backstage area. Josh Matthews is running with a cameraman following him. JOSH MATTHEWS P.R.! P.R.! Josh Matthews catches up with Tha Puerto Rican, who is walking back to his dressing room. P.R. stops and rolls his eyes. JOSH MATTHEWS P.R., what are you doing here? Doctors said that you would be out for upwards to 6 months! THA PUERTO RICAN Josh, let it be known, that Tha Puerto Rican will not let NOBODY, ESPECIALLY a man named Mr. Dick, put him down and out for good! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN I am here! The bicep has been healed! And I am BACK and ready to get back MY World Heavyweight Title! I said that I would return, and like all of Tha Puerto Rican's GUARAN-DAMN-TEES, it has come true! Don't you EVER doubt my word! Tha Puerto Rican will NEVER EVER let his Lightning Bolts down! The crowd cheers again. THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican will NOT be a one year wonder! I vow to make 2009 just as good as 2008 was for me, if not BETTER! And it starts tonight! For you see, earlier today, I OFFICIALLY entered into the Lethal Rumble Match! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN So in just a few moments, Tha Puerto Rican will walk down The People's Ramp, slide into The People's Ring, and throw 29 other jabronies over the top rope and onto the floor! And then, just like last year, it will be off to AngleMania VIII and the main event for the World Heavyweight Championship! And you can bet your ass that Tha Puerto Rican will win the OAOAST Championship at back-to-back AngleManias and that's the truth, Ruth! The crowd cheers some more! THA PUERTO RICAN If you thought that my first World Title reign was something, brother, you ain't see nothing yet! Tha Puerto Rican's Road To AngleMania VIII begins right now! Tha Puerto Rican snatches the microphone away from Josh Matthews and shoves him aside. Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back and then brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone and does The People's Eyebrow directly into the camera. The crowd cheers loudly. (Cut back to Sofa Central with Double C!) COLE Oh my! What an announcement! Tha Puerto Rican is BACK in the OAOAST and he is IN the Lethal Rumble Match! COACH Oh crap...and I was just getting used to being out here without fearing for my own safety! COLE You'll have to find a good hiding place once again, partner. Tha Puerto Rican is coming out here in just a few moments to compete in the Lethal Rumble! COACH COLE Tha Puerto Rican came within one man of winning the Lethal Rumble Match last year! Can he finally win his first ever Lethal Rumble Match, thus guaranteeing his second straight AngleMania main event appearance? Unlike last year, we won't know his entrant number until his music hits. He will be one of 30 men in the Lethal Rumble. The winner to receive a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VIII coming up on April 5th! We are just a heartbeat away from the 2009 Lethal Rumble Match, fans! COACH I hope he's #1! COLE He almost won it last year at #1, Coach, if it weren't for Stephen Joseph Popick. COACH Crap! OAOAST HeldDOWN 300TH EPISODE LIVE FROM DODGER STADIUM IN LOS ANGELES ***FEATURING*** WRESTLER OF THE YEAR KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN COMPETING FOR THE WORLD TITLE AGAINST LEON RODEZ SECOND ROUND ANDERSON CUP MATCHES RICO DE JANERIO VS LUCIUS SOUL (the 30,000th biggest match in HeldDOWN history!) AND MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE January 29th 2009 OAOAST HeldDOWN 300TH EPISODE

MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, ARE YOU READY!? YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! MICHAEL BUFFER ARE...YOU...READY?? YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! MICHAEL BUFFER Then for the thousands in this arena and the millions watching across the globe, LETS GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! COLE Does it get any bigger than this? Or first match in our triple mainevent here at Anglepalooza. And its a match that could change the future of the OAOAST! COACH For the better if Mister Moneymaker wins. Its time for the new breed of superstars to become the "Franchise" in the OAOAST, and no one makes a better poster boy then a billion dollar heir. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, and the viewing public watching live on pay-per-view, THIS is the SURVIVE OR SURRENDER MATCH! Notice that the cage above the ring has been constructed with four solid walls of steel mesh, and a roof over it. There is no door, and thus, no entry. Once both participants have entered the ring, the cage will be lowered over the ring, and attatched to the ring apron. The only way to win is for one man to quit...submit...SURRENDER. Tonight, their are no titles at stake in this contest, but the careers of Zack Malibu and Theodore Moneymaker lay in each other's hands. One man will emerge victorious, and seal the fate of his eternal foe. And now...the participants... The entire goes dark aside from several fans using the glow of their cellphone to see what's become a crazed and excisted atmosphere. The scene turns all the more enthused as Getting Away With Murder kicks in and the Angletron shines bright with images of Zack Malibu's greatest moments. Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness And I'm addicted to your punishment And you're the master, and I am waiting for disaster” BUFFER From PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND, he weighs in tonight at two hundred and five pounds...he is a 3 time OAOAST World Champion, a former tag team champion, and 24/7 champion, he is the leader of the In Crowd and the Franchise of the OAOAST he is the 2008 face of the year......ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Sizzling sparks of pyro flood down from the ceiling onto the powerful image of Zack Malibu standing with head lowered, his face shielded by his In Crowd hoodie. As the song continues to blare its violent aggression Zack throws his arms outward and gives the fans a look at a face that's frozen in somber determination. COLE What a fitting song, because who ever wins this match will have to cross the line into murder. Neither man is going to surrender unless their very life depends on it. We saw Candie pull out a big victory against Allison, but Theodore Moneymaker is far more fearsome and resourceful foe. He is limitless in his tricks, strategies, and ways to win. He is what you'd call a thinking man's wrestler, and in a match that's driven by emotion, a calm level headed and intelligent approach just may win out. COACH Ha! You coppin pleas for ya boy already. It shouldn't matter if Mister Moneymaker is Brainiac from Superman if this is Zack's match like he says it is, he should have this thing on lock. Problem is Zack's been caught slippin too many times. Let Leon Rodez get that world title, and step out his sidekick role. Had to call in his chick cause he couldn't deal with his old girl. Had to ask the Beverly Hills Blonds and Krista to help with The Enterprise cause his In Crowd was too weak. This man is on the downturn and Mister Moneymaker is on the upswing! Walking down the entrance ramp, Malibu slowly raises his arms into the air, holding them high above his head to send blue pryo missiles scorching through the air in front of the entrance stage. The fans continue their massive cheers and applause, everyone of them urging him on in this pivotal battle. COLE I don't think you'll find any superstar on the roster as intense and as dedicated as Zack Malibu. He is a model for all wrestlers to aspire to. COACH He's an emotional hothead! He gets provoked at the slightest little thing. Leon doesn't get angry. Bohemoth plays things cool. Krista gets mad but keeps a sense of humor. But this guy is always running around like Iran dropped nuclear missiles on a puppy farm. Mister Moneymaker is playing him like a fiddle. Malibu circles the ring, as though he were stalking prey. His face is lined with an angered anticipation, and though the audience loves him they know better than to interfere with him while he's in his zone. Please allow me to introduce myself Im a man of wealth and taste Ive been around for a long, long year Stole many a mans soul and faith The hateful booing of the audience almost drowns out the music as searing red flames appear on the video screens. Red and green spotlights flood the stage, as green lazers scream out towards every inch of the arena. Into this bright collection of lights steps Theodore Moneymaker wearing the type of smile that makes it seem like he's on a date with a super model and not with a man who wishes to end his life. In a flash, Zack charges up the ramp and tackles Moneymaker, hammering on him as the crowd goes wild! Zack brings Moneymaker up to his feet and drags him to the ring, hurling him inside so that the cage can be lowered around it. Malibu enters as well, but Moneymaker quickly rolls out the far side, going and leaning onto Sofa Central for support and to regain his breath. COLE What are you doing here? Get in the ring! COACH You can't tell him what to do, Mikey Cole! COLE I can...OH JEEZ! Cole and Coach are both startled by Malibu coming over and ramming Moneymaker headfirst into their commentators table! Moneymaker staggers away, trying to keep Zack at bay and delay the confines of the cage for as long as he can! Malibu chases after him, taking him by the head and spinning him around into a European uppercut that floors the braggadocio billionaire! Moneymaker doesn't stay on the ground for long though, as Zack yanks him right up and sends him into the ring, ready to start their match! Moneymaker gets up and heads for the far end, trying to escape, but Zack comes up behind him and grabs a rear waistlock, which Moneymaker blocks by grabbing the top rope! The filthy rich superstar hangs on, then kicks his leg back, striking Zack with a low blow and then throws HIM out of the ring, as the lowering cage is stopped due to the combatants spilling out to ringside! COACH Smart thinking by Mr. Moneymaker! Zack gets up, but gets nailed from behind by Moneymaker, knocking him into the guardrail! Moneymaker then picks Zack up and drops him with a snake eyes on the guardrail, knocking the wind out of him! As Zack slumps over the railing, Moneymaker takes to using it as a weapon, choking Zack over the top of the railing as fans scream for him to stop! COLE Enough of this! Back off him and get in the ring, Moneymaker! Moneymaker does indeed back off just seconds later, and he shoves referee Charles Robinson violently to the floor as the official tries to lure the combatants into the squared circle! Moneymaker then turns his attentions to the fans, jawjacking with several of them at ringside...then pushes some of them aside, and grabs a steel chair! Folding it up, he cocks it over his head before bringing it down across Zack's back, sending a surge of pain up his spine! Zack falls to his knees, howling in agony, as the fanbase continues their jeering of Theodore Moneymaker. With the weapon still in hand, Moneymaker waves Zack on, asking him to get to his feet. Malibu powers up, but as soon as he does, the steel comes crashing down on his head, thanks to Moneymaker waylaying him with a hard chair shot! Zack flops to the floor, and the crowd grows hushed as Moneymaker stands over him, the damage done. COLE OK, this REALLY needs to stop. We haven't even officially started this match, and already Theodore Moneymaker has leveled Zack with a brutal chair shot! Moneymaker stands over Zack, then starts driving the edge of the chair into his throat, choking him again. Suddenly, the crowd goes wild as BOHEMOTH and LEON RODEZ, members of Zack's In Crowd, hit the ringside area! With them also is Candie, Zack's beloved, and all three tend to Zack. Bohemoth stalks Moneymaker, intimidating him into backing up, and a slew of officials come out to check on Zack Malibu. COACH C'mon, this is Survive Or Surrender Malibu! Get off your ass and fight, or give it up while you're still breathing! Everyone tends to Zack, making sure to keep Moneymaker away. As Zack is helped to his feet, blood trickles from his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, and starts to mask his face. Moneymaker enjoys this visual, smiling at Zack, who suddenly breaks away from everyone's aid and tackles his rival! Zack unleashes a flurry of punches, beating Moneymaker viciously with elbows and strikes mixed in for good measure! He brings Moneymaker up and rolls him into the ring, and when his friends approach, he asks them to back off, as he grabs the same steel chair that has bloodied him and climbs through the ropes! Theodore Moneymaker stands up, his back to Zack...and that leaves him wide open for a hard chair shot across his shoulder blades that drops him down! COLE Zack Malibu, already bloody, already hurting, is ready to start this match proper! Candie hops on the apron, and with the cage coming down, begs Zack to recuperate. Zack goes over and holds his beloved by the arm, telling her "I have to do this", and she's helped off the apron by Bohemoth just as the cage lowers, encasing the squared circle in a prison of mesh, with no escape whatsoever! DING! DING! DING! The bell has sounded, and the brawl that started this match is now confined to the steel walls of a Survive Or Surrender match! Zack drops the chair on the canvas, then pulls Moneymaker up and sends him into the corner, then races in with a corner clothesline before climbing up on the middle rope and going to town with more punches! The crowd counts along, but at the count of five it's stopped abruptly by Moneymaker, who hotshots Zack onto the top turnbuckle! Zack's hunched over the turnbuckles now, and Moneymaker takes the tag rope and uses it to strangle Malibu! COLE There is a vicious streak inside Theodore Moneymaker that is being unleashed tonight, and Zack Malibu is feeling the effects of it! The rules allow Moneymaker to keep choking Zack, but he doesn't do it for long, as he simply starts clobbering Zack across the back. He takes Zack out of the corner, then runs him into it chest first before pulling him back and hitting a back suplex to put him down. Moneymaker sits up and smiles at the crowd, then gets up and kneedrops Zack across the forehead, staining his white kneepad with the blood of his foe. He gets up and this time hits a fistdrop, then starts biting Malibu's wound, causing the Preppy One to kick and scream in pain! He brings Zack up and sends him to the ropes, but rather than rebound Zack clings to the ropes, and ducks when Moneymaker charges, sending him up and over, down to the ringside floor with a belly flop! COACH That's like diving into a pool with no water! Zack rests against the ropes, then decides to exit, heading out to the floor. He pulls Teddy up and runs him headfirst into the cage wall, and Moneymaker bounces off the steel mesh, trying to protect his head from the impact. Zack takes it and sends him into it again, and then starts kicking him down in the corner of the cage, repeatedly stomping and kicking as Moneymaker crumbles to the floor! He brings Moneymaker up and Irish whips him into the far wall, and with Moneymaker pinned against the cage Zack follows up with a splash...THAT MISSES! Zack dives right into the cage wall, and now Moneymaker takes Zack by the head and begins grating it across the metal, adding more wounds to his already bloody face! COACH Right there, Mikey Cole, that's gonna be a brotha's downfall. Moneymaker knows that Zack goes balls to the wall, and even more so now that he's the walking wounded. He's made Zack desperate already, and that desperation is gonna cost him tonight! Malibu clings to the cage wall, using it to pull himself up...but then Moneymaker hits a kneelift to the back, sending Zack pressed into the cage again! Zack then gets tossed back into the ring, and Moneymaker walks around ringside, going so far as to push the camera man out of the way! COLE Moneymaker has taken control, and these fans are not liking it one bit! Back in the ring, Zack tries powering up, coming up on all fours, but Moneymaker rolls into the ring and then drops an elbow across the back of his head, ending that quickly. He yanks Zack up and fires him to the corner...or tries to, but winds up getting sent in himself thanks to a well timed reversal! Malibu charges in, but eats boot when he does! Zack falls to one knee, and Moneymaker hops up on the ropes...but when he comes down with an axe handle, Zack clubs him in the gut, the impact of which flips Moneymaker over! Back on his feet, Malibu's eyes widen, and like a man possessed he hits the ropes, coming off with a leaping lariat to the billionaire! Zack rolls to his feet, and when Moneymaker comes up after him, he floors him with a solid right hand! Moneymaker goes down, but comes right back up, and walks into an inverted atomic drop, then gets sent to the ropes...but now he reverses, and sends Zack in! Teddy drops his head, so Zack greets him by delivering a hard kick, then a series of chops that cause Moneymaker to backstep, before it culminates in Zack wrenching his arm and connecting with a final chop that puts Moneymaker down! Zack then stands over him and hammers away again, with Moneymaker doing his best to cover up. Finally, he manages to send Zack off of him and out of the ring, but Zack winds up on the apron, catching his fall! With Moneymaker unaware, Malibu springboards in...but he's caught, and Moneymaker throws Zack overhead with a fallaway slam, putting Zack down! COACH Once again, Zack takes a risk, and Moneymaker gets the reward! Zack struggles to his feet again, and now Moneymaker measures him up, finding him prone for the BANK VAULT~!...but Zack desperately reaches for the ropes, not allowing himself to become trapped in the hold! Zack clings to the top rope with his left hand, as Moneymaker scrambles to trap it in a chicken wing, repeatedly hammering Zack across the back to get him to break! Moneymaker then spins Zack around and hooks him for a suplex, but Zack slips behind him and hits a release German that throws Moneymaker halfway across the ring! COLE But all it takes is something like that to turn the tide! Malibu sits up and huffs for air, his puffy cheeks reddened by his own blood. Hoping to capitalize, he gets up and rushes Moneymaker, who comes up holding his neck...but a second attempt at a German is thwarted, as Moneymaker back elbows Zack! He tries to send Zack to the ropes, but Zack counters, yanking Moneymaker into an inverted atomic drop! Zack then tries for SCHOOL'S OUT, but it's caught, and Moneymaker swings the foot around so that he can catch Zack in THE BANK VAULT~! COACH He's got him locked! Zack desperately reaches for the ropes again, as he tries to get Moneymaker off of him, but Theodore is the one with the advantage, and he's able to lure Zack towards the center of the ring! Zack desperately tries to free himself, as Moneymaker gets a gleam in his eye, wrenching his signature hold in the hopes of getting Zack Malibu to surrender! COLE Malibu's fighting it, he's fighting it as much as he can! The crowd is electric as Zack flails, looking for a way to get out of this predicament, and luckily manages to slip somewhat free, escaping by dumping Moneymaker over with a fireman's carry! His shoulder and neck aching, Zack comes up to his feet, but not before Moneymaker, who takes him by the waistband and hurls him into the corner, sending Zack shoulder first into the ringpost! Zack screams, and comes up holding his shoulder...and that leaves him in the perfect prone position for Moneymaker to lock on The Bank Vault yet again! COACH Alright, alright...THIS is it! The chants of "ZACK" eminate loudly from the capacity crowd, as again, Zack struggles to free himself. Moneymaker, feeling in his heart that Malibu is nearly done for, tells the referee to ask Zack if he quits, and to hold the mic up to his mouth so that he can announce it. "Zack, what do you say, Zack? "Nnnnnnnnnnhhhh..." "C'mon Zack, what do you say? Do you surrender?" "NnnnnnnnnnNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Angered, Moneymaker breaks the hold on his own, turning Zack around to deliver a hard low kick, and then DDT Zack when he doubles over! He shoves Robinson and takes the mic, then stands over Zack's fallen body, berating him. "Say you surrender Zack!" Malibu lay on the mat motionless, except for his body rattling as Moneymaker delivers a hard stomp. "Get up, Zack! Get up and tell the world that you surrender!" Malibu lay there, and Moneymaker delivers another stomp, then drops the mic and rolls Zack over, getting on his shoulders and hammering away, much like Malibu did to him earlier! Frustrated, he heads out of the ring and looks around, then finds what he wants...the chair from earlier! The same chair that busted Zack Malibu open earlier tonight is now held by the man who did it, and he crawls back into the ring with his hands firmly wrapped around the chair legs. COLE I don't like this one bit... Zack tries pushing up, but falls back to the canvas, completely unaware of what awaits him. Moneymaker stands frozen, waiting for his moment to strike. Slowly, Zack pushes up and looks around, not seeing Moneymaker just off to the side. Moneymaker comes at him, the chair ready to be swung...AND THAT'S WHEN ZACK MALIBU HITS A SCHOOL'S OUT OUT OF NOWHERE, SMASHING THE CHAIR INTO MONEYMAKERS FACE BEFORE COLLAPSING! COLE THAT I liked! COACH Damn! The crowd roars, as we now have a double KO! Moneymaker is laid out, the chair having been driven into his face by the powerful trademark superkick of the former World Champion! COLE They're both down! Zack Malibu, with perhaps his last bit of strength, just knocked Theodore Moneymaker cold with that superkick! COACH You mean that chair! Exhausted, both men soak in their wounds, using the time to regain some of that lost energy and come to their senses. After what must have felt like a lifetime to them both, they do...and then Zack shoots for the legs, pulling them out from under Teddy! Zack tries to hook them, seemingly for a figure four leglock, but Moneymaker will have none of it and kicks the prep away, stopping the submission from being applied! Zack rolls to his feet and approachs again, but as Moneymaker gets up he takes the chair up with him, and rams the edge of it into Zack's ribs! Zack doubles over, and Moneymaker hits the ropes, going for the Billion Dollar Kneelift...but in ONE SWIFT MOTION~! Zack hooks the leg, pulls Moneymaker up onto his shoulders, and falls to the canvas, driving him down headfirst with a death valley driver! COACH YO~! COLE Amazing! Zack Malibu will not be denied his chance at vengeance here tonight! Zack stands up, a bit wobbly after all he's been through tonight, and picks the chair up. With Moneymaker buried face first in the canvas, Zack takes the chair and starts driving it down hard across Moneymaker's back, hitting shot after shot after shot, one for every time Moneymaker has tried to undermine him or oust him from the company he loves! COACH He's going too far! COLE Too far? He's not doing enough, after what Moneymaker has put him through! The only defense Theodore can muster is to roll away, but Zack follows, connecting with shots until the moment Moneymaker rolls himself under the bottom rope and falls to the floor. Zack angrily throws the chair down, his facial expression saying it all, as he is a man on a mission here at Anglepalooza! COLE Moneymaker escaped by the skin of his teeth, but Zack Malibu is on the warpath! Zack hops out of the ring, as a bruised Moneymaker tries to get back to a vertical base. He comes up behind Moneymaker, but Moneymaker kicks his leg back and hits a low blow, sparing him from Zack's wrath! Zack aches from the blow, and Moneymaker takes him and sends him headfirst into the steel stairs, further opening the gaping wound on Zack's forehead! Moneymaker then pulls the stairs away from the ring, positioning them at ringside just the way he wants, then starts to bring Zack up. COLE What's he doing to do here? Moneymaker pulls Zack up, but Zack is dead weight, and falls back to the floor. He pulls him up again, but when he does Zack pushes up and backdrops Moneymaker ONTO THE STEEL STAIRS~! COACH That's GOTTA hurt! Moneymaker howls in pain, sliding off the stairs and holding his back. Panting and breathing heavy, he uses the cage wall to pull himself up, and turns around...JUST IN TIME TO SEE ZACK RACE ACROSS RINGSIDE AND SPRING OFF THE STEPS, NAILING HIM WITH A ZACK ATTACK II AGAINST THE CAGE WALL~! COLE WHATTAMANUEVER! Moneymaker would be down if it wasn't for the cage wall, so Malibu takes him into a facelock and lifts him up in the air...THEN DROPS HIM WITH A VERTICAL SUPLEX ONTO THE STAIRS~! COACH HE JUST BROKE HIS BACK MIKEY COLE~! The scream from Theodore Moneymaker is heard even through the deafening cheers that Zack Malibu is getting, as his back is FUBARed thanks to that suplex! Moneymaker just lay on the floor, screaming in pain, as referee Robinson comes out of the ring. "Theodore? Theodore, what do you say?" "Aaaaaaaah..muh...my back..." "What do you say? Do you surrender?" "Aaaugh..guhhh...GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE!" Moneymaker gingerly sits up, then yanks on Robinson to pull himself to his feet! Zack comes from behind, but Moneymaker takes the mic out of Robinson's hand and turns around, whacking Zack across the head with it, sending a loud THUNK sound throughout the arena! Zack stumbles back, while Moneymaker can barely stand...and when Zack comes forward again he hits a low blow, then rolls Zack into the ring! COLE How EITHER of these men are still walking right now is nothing short of a miracle! Moneymaker slides back in, but is crawling, looking to put as little pressure on his back as possible. He uses the ropes to get himself up, and moves towards the corner, and undoes the turnbuckle padding! With the steel exposed, Moneymaker limps over to Zack, who is again trying to get up, and takes him by the head. Running him as fast as he can, Moneymaker slams Zack chest first into the exposed steel, then LOCKS HIM IN THE BANK VAULT AGAIN~! COACH Yeah, they're walking, and Zack walked right into that! The crowd screams, and Malibu screams with them, although it's not encouraging to hear the Preppy One in so much pain! He kicks off the ropes, trying to float over, but Moneymaker drags him off, holding him tightly with the trademark clutch! COLE Fight it Zack! Fight it! COACH You want some pom-poms and a skirt while you're at it? Stop being so biased! That bias has stretched to the fans, however, as they chant for their favorite, the OAOAST Franchise. Zack does his best to wriggle free, but Moneymaker stretches him for all it's worth...until a final effort by Zack drives Moneymaker backwards, into the exposed steel turnbuckle, and Moneymaker BELLOWS a painful yell! COLE He broke it! Zack staggers away, then turns around, charging in fast and furious with a brutal ZACK ATTACK II against the turnbuckles, then hoists Moneymaker up on top! Zack climbs up, driving several headbutts into the temple of Moneymaker, doing further damage to both mens bloody heads! Zack then struggles, but puts Moneymaker up across his shoulders, and powers to his feet while he's on the ropes... ...AND ZACK MALIBU BRINGS HIM CRASHING DOWN WITH THE HONOR ROLL~! COLE DID YOU SEE THE RING SHAKE~!? Speaking of shaking, that's all Moneymaker is doing, as his body convulses, nerves running up his spine as his back is beaten into jelly! Both men lay on the canvas, physically and mentally DONE. Moneymaker rolls around, hurting every time his body bends in the slightest, while Malibu comes up on all fours, looking past the blood falling from his head and at his rival. He comes up and comes over to Moneymaker, then quickly grabs him by the legs, hooking one under each arm...and then he rolls him over into a BOSTON CRAB~! COACH C'mon man, his back! Moneymaker SCREAMS, as Zack uses the traditional hold to put his weight on the base of Moneymaker's spine! Moneymaker screams, but he's not screaming surrender, so Zack wrenches back, pulling back on the legs to bend the body of the billionaire! "YyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" COLE Quit! Quit you son of a bitch! Charles Robinson looks at Moneymaker, checking to see if he's ready, and almost immediately upon seeing the ref, Moneymaker starts screaming and pounding his hands on the canvas as if to tap out! "I surr...I, augh...I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER, GET HIM OFF OF ME!" Robinson jumps up and waves for the bell to be rung. Upon hearing it, Zack just flops face first to the canvas, no longer needing to exert himself against the leader of The Enterprise. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALIBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and its music to the ears of Zack Malibu. Looking nothing like what a winner should look like, the bloody prep is helped to his feet by Charles Robinson, who then raises the arm of the wiped out warrior in the air, signifying a much deserved victory. COLE Zack Malibu was put through hell by Theodore Moneymaker for the last six months, and now here tonight, Zack brought some of that hell back to him! COACH Yeah, and Zack's looking like hell for it! COLE I'm sure in Zack's opinion, Coach, that it was worth it! The cage rises, and Zack exits the ring, with Robinson leaving the ring to aid him. Zack stumbles up the ramp, and Candie comes out to meet him halfway, greeting her beau and embracing him, drawing yet another pop from the crowd! COACH Ugh. COLE What a moment! Zack Malibu and Candie, together tonight, put an end to the Enterprise threats! The Malibu family certainly has something to celebrate here tonight at Anglepalooza! Candie raises her man's hand one more time, getting one last, loud pop from the OAOAST's diehards as they continue to enjoy the annual January outing. After having his hand raised, Zack is helped to the back by Candie, while Theodore Moneymaker is only barely able to stand, being helped out of the ring by trainers. The booing for Moneymaker continues, even after what was a tremendous effort, and we cut away.

COLE Folks, its about that time. Time for one of our more unusual matches on the card, Malaysia’s Dungeon Match between Krista and Malaysia. It takes place at the fortress of Nerdlytude in Edmonton inside Malaysia’s dungeon. The rules are very simple the first person to escape the dungeon wins the contest. Let’s take it to Edmonton, and we’ll see you after the match! FORTRESS OF NERDLYTUDE MALAYSIA’S DUNEGEON! Krista slams the door shut behind her, locking herself in a room that’s part erotic dreamland and part Satanic nightmare. The walls are covered with a glossy black paint that’s occasionally broken up by odd red pentagram symbols. Adding flash and glitz is a neon sign that reads Malaysia’s Dungeon. The floor is plush red carpet, and on top of it rests all sorts of nasty, vile bondage tools. Without warning, Malaysia lunges from the shadows. Ivory fangs glisten in the candle light as the dominatrix leaps at Krista who’s taken unaware by the woman’s savage attack. Krista’s hands immediately scan for an object to aid her paltry defense. “Welcome to my dungeon. Its not your Beverly Hills mansion, but we can still find something to do.” Malaysia says through a sickening smile. She snarls loudly as her hands reach down for Krista’s neck, and her hot breath steams the cold air. The beach goddess surely might perish but she manages to use her muscular legs to buck Malaysia off. Quickly, she moves to her feet, and snatches a bloodwood paddle off a metal wall mounted rack. “Now, you’re getting into the sprit!” Malaysia celebrates. Krista strikes out at the muscle queen only mere moments before she can regain her hold on her. Hardwood slices into Malaysia’s stomach, and spit sprays from her mouth. Although wounded, Malaysia whirls around and snaps at Krista’s outstretched paddle arm. Powerful hands clamp down on her wrist, punching through her defenses and wrenching the weapon away. Malaysia slides her hands along the edge of the paddle, “Don’t think you get to have all the fun.” Malaysia’s hands take tight grip of Krista’s vibrant platinum hair and drags her onto a spanking swing. “Lift up your skirt, my little slut. Show me your sweet ass!” Krista presses her face downwards and reaches behind her. She slowly raises up the short hem of her little pleated, plaid skirt. Is as if she’s unveiling an offering to the on the altar of a pagan church. The sudden coolness of the air on her skin and the vivid image of what’s to come has her trembling violently. CRACK. The wooden paddle lands hard across both her ass cheeks. CRACK. Again, the paddle whooshes through the air and lands full force on Krissy’s ass. Each time, the flesh of her smooth, round globes bounced and recoiled under the blow. Next, she began a steady, relentless rhythm, delivering a hard smack to each cheek in turn, every 10 seconds. Krista is squirming and whimpering on the swing. Her ass is on fire from the paddle’s repeated smacks across her flesh. Malaysia grabs her hair and pulls Krista’s back and pinned her legs with her own to restrain her movements. He thrust his fingers into her mouth and down her throat to stifle her cries. “Suck on my fingers, bitch! Taste them!” Krista was rendered incapable of speech as she forced her hands down her throat. “Suck them!” Four wicked CRACKs of the paddle on her ass, followed by her fingernails raking across her hot flesh reinforced her demand for immediate pleasure. But instead Krista buries her teeth into Malaysia’s fingers, puncturing the flesh. The tangy taste of blood fills her mouth, and carries a rush of adrenaline through her bones. “AAAAAAH!” Malaysia rips her hand from Krista’s fangs, stunned by the pleasurable pain just brought to her. Attending to her bleeding fingers, the Nerdly barely notices Krista twisting herself on the swing. This is to her detriment as Krista uses it to propel herself at her foe. Her arms coils around Malaysia’s neck and she brings her down onto the flame red carpeting with a tornado DDT! Convulsions rock Malaysia’s body as a hideous pain powers through her head. Through strands of her yellow hair Malaysia can see Krista unhooking chains that hold a leather harness above her queen sized heart shaped bed. Malaysia has no intention of being victimized by Krista’s brutal plot and thus fights her way upright. A feral snarl comes from her curled lip and she surges forward to Krista. Before the fitness queen can prepare for Malaysia’s arrival, the dominatrix is spearing her onto the bed with full force. The unusually shaped furniture bounces and shakes from the sudden impact of the two beautiful ladies touching down. Landing on top, Malaysia reaches for Krista’s head and grabs a fistful of her, silky hair, winding it around her hand to ensure that she could not jerk away from her “You are so beautiful, like this. You are the perfect masochist. You’re what I’ve been searching for.” Next, she reaches around her waist, her arms encircling her body, flipping her over. Her hands flat on the small of her back, holding her down. Her arms are like the pincers of a trap, imprisoning her with power. Krista feels her find the hook and the zipper on the back of her little plaid skirt. She holds the zipper for a minute without opening it to further unnerve Krista. But, her torturous delay gives Krista some time to find a weapon to aid in her quest to escape. All she can come up with is a lone bottle of massage oil resting atop a nightstand. However, she uses it to its maximum effectiveness by smashing it back against Malaysia’s head. Oil, glass, sweat, it all goes flying away as Malaysia is beaten away from her conquest of Krista. Now free of Malaysia’s tormenting hands, Krista seizes the moment to search out more weapons of destruction. She needn’t take very long, coming up with her previously discarded chains. Quickly they find a home around the Nerdly’s neck, causing her to gag and cry. Her misfortunes continue as Krista leaps forward off the bed to hit Malaysia with a chain assisted diamond cutter! Malaysia hits the floor with tremendous force and cries out in frustration and agony. Krista pauses to catch her breath, and reassess the troubling situation she finds herself in. On the floor Malaysia’s anguished screams devolve into the howling of a ravenous beast. And before Krista knows it Malaysia’s thick arms are lariating onto the top of a steel cage. Her smooth flesh strikes the rough bars, producing a harsh metallic ring. An annoyed snarl greets the noise, along with her spiked heels kicking away at Malaysia. “Now, now. What kind of way is that to treat your host?” Malaysia wonders, lazily dragging her fingers along Krista’s bronze skin. “I may have to teach you some manners, Princess.” With her heart pounding in her throat, Malaysia swings her long brawny legs over Krista to mount her helpless victim. Mayalsia thrust her milky white tighes against her unwilling lover, just as the blonde tries to escape. Both women let out ragged grunts as their bodies meet like gears twisting together. Malaysia’s Amazonian frame deeply plows into Krista, their eyes were screwed shut, their foreheads strained, their bodies shaking like houses in a hurricane. "Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck you…" the blonde muttered into her lover's ear as her body works a surprisingly strong, jerky, pistoning motion. The darker girl let out a little "ih!" at the top of each thrust as the blonde speared her crotch into her’s "ih! ih! ih! ih! ih! ih!" Unawares to Malaysia is that Krista is slowly gathering the chain into her arms. Stretched across the cage, and her weapon strewn about the floor, retrieving it is an exercise in frustration. But its one Krista has no choice but to participate in if she wishes to survive. Finally the chain reaches Krista’s fingertips and is gripped tightly within her fist. Within moments its brought against the side of Malaysia’s face and she’s violently thrown off the fitness queen. She tumbles over onto the floor, landing beside a bondage chair. Her hands pound the stainless steel legs as she screams her annoyance. Krista tries to gain uneasy footing with her spiked heels on the thin bars as she gets to her feet. She crouches over like the meanest of jungle cats, blue eyes eyeing her foe with malicious hunger. She leaps from her shaky mount with feline speed. But, her quick descent carries right into the all powerful grip of Malyaisa. Mere seconds later the wrestler of the year is being slung over onto the bondage cheer. The steel cuts into her flesh and generates tormented cries as she wonders if any of her bones are broken. While she struggles to cope with her searing pain, the BDSM fanatic takes advantage of her weakness to try and bound her inside the chair’s leather straps. Krista instantly realizes the misery that would come to her if Malaysia is successful and thusly kicks away at her with full force. Her heels leave bright red imprints on Malaysia’s bare stomach and succeed in backing her away ever so slightly. But the Deadly Nerdly recovers her strength and comes charging in with the speed of a raging boar. Krista meets the arrival of her foe by pressing up on the arms of the chair and tightening her lovely legs around Malaysia’s neck. She then whirls around and throws Malaysia over with a modified hurricanrana. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! “What!” Malaysia barks, dizzied from Krista’s creative counter. “Would you and your friend like some of my peanut butter cookies?” Mama Nerdly wonders. “Go away, mom!” “But…” “I said go away! I’m busy! You always do this when I have company! Always!” Malaysia wisely turns her aggression away from the woman who gave birth to her, towards the woman who gave her that bomb ass booty! Barking furiously, she hops to her feet as Krista does the same. But Krista has risen with a riding crop that etches fear and horny anticipation on Malaysia’s face. Malaysia’s anticipation may be misguided but her fear is well founded; Krista strikes the woman between the eye with her weapon. She yelps in pain as the force of the shot knocks her back against the far wall of the room. Malaysia stays in her stunned position for only a few seconds before affixing a look of malice on her face and grabbing hold of an electric wand. With her lethal sword brandished in front of her like the sword of Excalibur she closes the gap between she and Krista with only a few short steps. The wand swings out at the walk of famer, but with her dancer’s agility she manages to roll beneath it. She comes up in front of the wall and uses that same agility to run up it and spring back at Malaysia with a spinning kick. Her heel strikes her rival with flawless accuracy, knocking her over and more importantly knocking the wand out her hand. Malaysia’s eyes explode with horror, as very real fright settles over her. Her movement resembles a prairie dog, scurrying across the floor to reach her errant wand. But right as her fingers are about to fall on the desired weapon, Krista swoops down and takes it into her hand. Malaysia’s worst fears become reality, but her fright manifests itself as outrage as she springs upright to face Krista. A growl escapes her lips as she drops into am attack posture. She her arm at Krista, who ducks beneath and butted her head into her chest almost hard enough to crack her ribs. Gasping in pain, Malaysia staggers backwards. Krista smacks the wand against Malaysia’s skull as hard as she can. Despite the incredible pain of the blow, Malaysia fires off backwards kick that sends Krista toppling over a double penetration sex machine. A startled cry ends abruptly as Krista lands face first on the floor. There’s little time to collect her thoughts as Malaysia is hovering above her with the state of the art sex machine raised high above her head. The multi dildo tool comes down like a judgment from Christ, and Krista is barely able to avoid being crushed beneath its sizable girth. Though she avoided the dildo machine, she can’t avoid a swift boot Malaysia throws into her head. A high pitched shriek gives way to agonized groans as Krista feels like she’s been impaled by Malaysia’s stiletto boots. With Krista crawling to her feet, Malaysia lowers her body and attempts to spear Krista from the right. But mustering all her strength and energy Krista springs from the ground and leaps over the dominatrix’s head, nimbly landing behind her foe. Before the startled Deadly Alliance woman even realizes what has happened to her, Krista sweeps her leg out from under her. Malaysia falls forward onto her knees, but just as soon she’s trying to return upright. But its already too late. Clutching her electrical wand, Krista clubs her foe across the back of her head. Bone cracks and the dominatrix falls face-first onto the red carpet. Blood and brains spill across the floor. Okay, not brains, that’d be weird and disturbing. In a matter of moments the mêlée is over. Krista stands triumphantly over the body of her fallen assailant. She’s breathing hard, she’s barely able to stand, but as she carries herself to the door she knows she’s victorious. With a heart and mind that’s much lighter than she entered, Krista slips out the door. The referee on duty raises her hand to signify her brutal and violent victory. “Mrs.Nerdly…about those peanut butter cookies?” Krista wonders and we return to Sofa Central COLE Krista Isadora Duncan, the wrestler of the year, pulling off a big win in Malaysia’s domain. There’s no time to relax for the fitneess queen, though. She’s got a world title affair coming up in her hometown of Los Angeles at the 300th HeldDOWN~! COACH What Malaysia couldn’t do, Mister Dick is gonna do with ease and with class. COLE He has to get past Leon Rodez first, Coach. That's no easy task, as many of our superstars have found out. ***LIVE FROM INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA!***

COLE Up next, the Women's Title on the line! Let's go to the ring. Fallout Boy's cover of "Beat It" powers through the arena and the OAOAST's most searched for wrestler on Yahoo of 2008... is not here. But the OAOAST wrestler who's done the most searches on Yahoo in 2008 is! Melody Nerdly jogs out through the curtains, hitting a triumphant pose on the stage as the multi-coloured strobe lights freak out around her like something from an Anime cartoon. With seizures caused around the world Melody makes her way to the ring with a skip in her step. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger. Eminating from the Fortress Of Nerdlytude... she is "PLAYER ONE"... MMMMEEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOODDYYYYYYY... NNEEEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Melody enters the ring and adopts both a corner and a fighting stance. "PLAY - ER ONE!" "PLAY - ER ONE!" "PLAY - ER ONE!" "PLAY - ER ONE!" COLE Looks like Melody isn't the only one who played WWF Warzone. COACH WW-WTF!? Oh man you're gonna get sued now. You gonna get Panda raped boy! COLE ...sorry Vince! "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits. The Women's Champion bounds through the entrance way with her usual youthful exuberance, but Jade's face falls slightly at the sight of her opponent. Jade unstraps the title belt from around her waist and slings it over her shoulder before heading down the aisle. With every hand slapped in support, Jade's eyes drift towards Melody, as if trying to make a point. Whatever point that is apparantly isn't lost as Melody seems to scowl. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen, introducing the opponent. Now residing in Los Angeles, California... she is the reigning and defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJAAAAAAADDEEEEE... RRROOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Jade goes a little further around the crowd, before sliding in underneath the bottom rope on the far side from the hard cam. She climbs the turnbuckles and smiles a more confident and contented smile than we're accustomed to seeing from her. COLE Jade riding on a wave of momentum, now nearing five months as Women's Champion, recipient of numerous Angle Awards... COACH ...for what that's worth... COLE ...and slowly but surely settling in her LA life. But the question and the issue between these two friends is whether that wave of momentum has gone to that shy young lady's head or not. Melody seems to think so, where-as Jade puts it down to jealously on Melody's part. And this week on OAOAST.com, we advised our OAOAST Marks to text in and have their say in our exclusive text vote. HAS JADE CHANGED, OR IS MELODY JUST JEALOUS? TEXT OAOASTJADE OR OAOASTMELODY RESULT: ROUGHLY $30,000 PROFIT FROM TEXTS RECIEVED COLE And on behalf of the OAOAST and our accountants we thank everyone who participated. No longer smiling, Jade hands over the Women's Championship and tries to psyche herself up. Referee Charles Robinson shows the belt to Melody, who drops to one knee and places a hand on the belt, head down, as if expecting to gain some kind of super-powers from it. *DINGDINGDING!* The two girls don't move at the sound of the bell, stuck staring at each other from opposite corners. COLE No doubt about it, Jade has proven herself inside the ring as Women's Champion. And Melody has made a remarkable improvement from her work-shy beginnings. But this may not resemble much of a wrestling match, this could get very catty, shall we say. COACH Except neither of these kitties have got much in the way of claws. At least not from out behind a computer screen. Eventually the girls walk towards each other with scowls on their faces. Melody patronises Jade, by bowing and curtseying to her "highness". Yelling at her to "knock it off", Jade SHOVES Melody in the chest, knocking her on her BUTT! Ooohs echo around the arena as Melody dusts herself off and MIMES CUTTING OFF HER HEAD ALA HEROES' SYLAR! COACH See. Nerdiest threat ever. Jade momentarily checks her forehead for any blood, before realising how stupid she must look. Jade then lashes out and grabs Melody by her hair. Instinctively Melody does the same and before you know it, the girls both have two handfuls of each other's locks and are tussling back and forth trying to scalp each other without the benefit of super-powers! Referee Robinson manages to get in between them and prise the two apart before it comes to that. Once seperated, Melody rushes in and knocks Jade over with a Lou Thesz Press, then starts slapping at her with left and right hands! After a few shots Jade manages to turn herself out on top and slaps at Melody in response! COLE These two, once good friends are really going at it! And there's no McDonalds employees to step in tonight! Melody turns the tables again by grabbing onto Jade's hair for leverage. Grabbing back Jade causes Melody to shriek in pain and they go back and forth with the referee looking on helplessly. COACH Can I get a CAAATFIIIGHT!? Eventually Jade and Melody wind up tangled in the ropes and both roll out of the ring, pausing and staring at each other for a moment with the same look of 'what the hell was that for?' Robinson leans through the ropes to tell them to get back inside, but when Jade tries to, Melody pulls her off the apron spitefully. Simply trying to be the one who enters first. However, Melody is then pulled from the apron by Jade. The girls get into another shoving match on the outside COACH Okay, nevermind those catfight shouts. It's like two sisters fighting over who gets top bunk at summer camp... not erotic at all, just kinda sad. Robinson audibly sighs, heard by both girls. They both roll back into the ring and encourage him not to be such a fuddy-duddy and to mellow out a little, before remembering they're bitter with each other and not him. They shove back and forth again, before Melody FLICKS Jade in the eye! JADE OW! Jade responds with an attempted eyepoke, but Melody pulls the THREE STOOGES COUNTER and flicks Jade again! JADE OW!! STOP IT! The Women's Champion responds by STOMPING Melody's foot! Hopping up and down, Melody grabs Jade by the nose and SLAPS down on it, causing the worst pain imaginable! Seriously, try it. COLE I've been on the recieving end of that more than enough times in my life. COACH That doesn't surprise me. With Jade holding her face, Melody executes the first wrestling move of the match with a waistlock. Jade counters with a wrestling move of her own, a wristlock. Then she grabs a headlock. Melody shoves Jade off into the ropes and shows fine agility by leapfrogging Jade on the rebound. Surprised Jade slows to a stop and walks into a side headlock by Melody. Just as the catfight threatens to break down into a wrestling match, Mel punishes Jade with a NOOGIE, forcing her to push out and send Mel the ropes. As Melody comes back, Jade tries her own leapfrog. But in spite of the cheerleader costume Jade's leapfrog leaves a lot to be desired and Melody shoves her away, Jade unable to land safely either and losing her balance. Embarrassed, Jade picks herself up, faced with Melody laughing at her. COLE Melody's going to be wanting a .gif of that after the match! Where-as once Jade would have taken that kind of teasing lying down, she's come a long way. And determined not to be laughed at anymore Jade is riled up by Melody's abuse... and paws the challenger with an open left hand. COLE OH! Jade paws Melody with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Melody down with a big clothesline! COLE Exclusive: Rich Little Blonde Girl Kicks Ass! Jade has been pushed too far and if these friends were holding anything back before, I think that's officially gone out of the window now. COACH She's definately got a temper on her this one, especially for such a meek little girl. Looking down at her friend, Jade breathes heavily as she makes a cover... 1... 2... NO! Jade picks Melody back up and having calmed down, she hesitates a little before stinging her with a forearm smash. Melody doesn't hesitate in striking back though, punching Jade in the stomach. Backing Melody against the ropes, Jade whips her across but misses with a clothesline. Off the far side Melody knocks the Champ down with a crossbody... 1... 2... NO! First to her feet the mighty Melody loads up with a devestating TOMAHAWK CHO... NO! Jade gets her hands up and blocks the shot! COLE Oh thank goodness, Jade's head could have been split clean in two if Melody connected with that! Despite Melody's efforts to force the hand down, Jade is able to keep her blocked, long enough to boot Melody in the stomach. Jade then delivers a vertical suplex and covers... 1... 2... No! With Melody backing away into a corner, the Women's Champion appeals to the crowd before delivering a clothesline against the turnbuckles. Melody stumbles out of the corner and Jade appeals again. That wasted moment proves costly, as when Jade turns back to dish out another clothesline, Melody is waiting with a raised BIG boot to the face! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Wow, that was a stinging shot! And Jade hits the mat like a sack of potatoes! COACH As opposed to dressing like a sack of potatoes, as she does out of the ring. Although, I guess if she's going to get drinks thrown at her by her friends everytime she wears something expensive, maybe we can't blame her too much. Jade lays looking up at the lights and checking her face is still in one piece, nevermined her vision which must be a little blurred. For a second Melody stands looking down at Jade, something approaching compassion on her face. Until she remembers she's in a match and starts to head for the top rope. Jade eventually picks herself up, still looking shaken as Melody perches up top waiting. When the Women's Champion turns around, Melody takes flight, driving with both knees to smash Jade back into the mat!! COLE It Came From The Top Rope! Are we going to have a new Women's Champion? 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! After hitting the triangle button, or rather making a triangle shape with her hands and pressing the thin air in the middle, Melody argues with the referee. Purely to fill up her momentum meter. Melody then picks Jade back up, stepping behind her with the makings of a backslide. COLE Could be going for the Sega Mega Driver. Melody tries to take Jade over, but the Women's Champion struggles free and rolls Melody up... 1... 2... NO! Aiming with another big boot Melody misses and is caught in a cobra clutch, before being dragged across a knee in a backbreaker! COLE No, counter by Jade, giving Melody an Extreme Hollywood Makeover! Leg hooked... 1... 2... NO! "LET'S GO JADE!" "MEL - O - DY!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "MEL - O - DY!" Jade gets over her disappointment, distracted momentarily by the chants of the crowd as she stalks behind her challenger. Once she's back up, Jade grabs Melody around the head looking for the reverse x-factor... but Melody counters, dropping to a knee and throwing Jade forward by the arm. Rolling through to her feet, The Prodigal Daughter winds up backed in a corner. Melody charges in but Jade is able to push up on the ropes, getting her knees up into Melody's face. COLE This crowd split, but you can barely split these two in terms of action so far. Back and forth, this could really go either way at this point. Pushing up again, Jade puts herself on the middle rope. In the time taken to get her footing however Jade gives Melody an opening... MELODY SHORYUKEN~! ...TO DELIVER THE JUMPING PALM STRIKE!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH There goes Melody, showing her age again. Street Fighter, Warzone, Sega Mega Drives? COLE It's retro. COACH It's Melody being old, that's what it is. Gimme my hot jailbait Nerdlys, get this wrinkled has-been outta mine and my sight! Jade rocks around sat on the top turnbuckle, narrowly avoiding tumbling over the top to the floor. Steadying her opponent Melody begins to climb the ropes as well in front of the Champion. She sets Jade up ready for a super hurricanrana. Jade fights back though, punching Melody in the gut. And again. A shove then sends Melody falling backwards off the top, unable to grab onto anything to stop herself. Melody just about lands on her feet, but hurts her ankle in the process. Looking to take advantage, Jade wraps her legs over Melody's shoulders and pushes off the ropes with a Victory Roll... ...NO, MELODY SITS DOWN AND COUNTERS... 1... 2... KICKOUT!!! COLE Was that three!? No! No, only two! Melody almost caught Jade, in similar fashion to how the Women's Champion caught her off-guard at the New Year's Spectacular! After checking the count, Melody runs at Jade, who sidesteps. Melody bumps into the turnbuckles and gets schoolgirled as she falls back... 1... 2... NO!! Jade swings and misses with a clothesline, Melody catching the arm and twisting Jade into a boot to the gut. She sets the knee in the back of the head looking for the finish, but Jade twists out at the wrist. Wringing the arm, the Women's Champion goes behind with a hammerlock, but lets go of the arm and surprises Melody by pulling her down with the reverse x-factor!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Jade scores, could this be three? 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE Yes it can! The OAOAST Women's Champion retains her title, with a page from Mom's playbook! *DINGDINGDING!* Jade clenches a fist in relief as her hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... and STILL OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... JJJAAAAAAAAAADDEEEEEEE... RRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Referee Charles Robinson passes Jade her Women's Title belt and she puts it over her shoulder, but seems more concerned with her opponent. Melody has enough consciousness left to roll to a knee, hung over the ropes holding her head in pain and defeat. COACH Poor Melody. She hasn't felt this bad since she realised her copy of No Mercy 64 was one of the corrupt ones that lost saved data with no warning. Or since she saw the Phantom Menace. Or some other such nerd thing. Setting down her title belt, Jade goes over to Melody and helps her up. Once Melody realises who it is she flinches a little, but soon realises Jade means her no harm. Infact Jade just wants to check that she's not hurt. The two girls reconcile for a few seconds, before they embrace (like friends, before you get all excited), with their differences apparantly put aside. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well thank goodness for that! Jade and Melody seeing the errors of their ways after this hard fought Women's Title bout! COACH So now they're all best buddies again? Just like that? COLE I guess you don't understand real friendship. COACH You've got a better grip on feelings of over-emotional teenage girls than I do, admitted. Jade and Melody's apologies lead to Melody raises Jade's hand in victory for the crowd. COLE A happy ending to this Women's Title situation. Hurrah!

We cut backstage where a CONVERTIBLE driven by DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY (Inspector Nerdly riding shotgun and poor CPA stuck in the back) escorts a LIMO inside. CPA Man, with a brother in the White House I thought days like this were over. INSPECTOR NERDLY You snooze you lose. BOSLEY The lady’s right, buddy. You got plenty of time to sleep when you’re dead. That’s why the AMOG never falls asleep; sleep falls to me! CPA INSPECTOR NERDLY That's...uh...that's deep. Only time Papa Nerdly got that deep was when he was planting his seed in a woman's garden. The motorcade stops and V.I.C.E. open the door for THEODORE MONEYMAKER. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE With that kind of entrance you’d have thought the President was showing up. COACH (laughs) Not even the President has the kind of power Theodore Moneymaker does, Cole. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and MS. DECENZO greet their employer. Then a stagehand arrives with a GIFT BOX. Before he can approach Moneymaker he’s stopped by V.I.C.E. and given a strip search. For real, they strip him down right then and there. INSPECTOR NERDLY (holding box) What is this? STAGEHAND A present, miss. INSPECTOR NERDLY I can see that, Sherlock. What I want to know is who’s it from? STAGEHAND Dunno. It was delivered FedEx. INSPECTOR NERDLY Well it’s not ticking, so that‘s good. But just to se safe, open it for us. STAGEHAND INSPECTOR NERDLY We don’t have all night. LORELEI I like this girl's style. The stagehand opens the box and pulls out a DECAPITATED ANGLE AWARD. Theodore Moneymaker’s Angle Award! (***) “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MONEYMAKER CPA shoves the stagehand away as Inspector Nerdly reads a NOTE hanging from the Angle’s neck. INSPECTOR NERDLY “Misery loves company.” Yep, that confirms it. We’re dealing with a total whack job. Bosley whips out his telescopic baton. BOSLEY I can’t wait to whack that punk ass bitch with this! CPA Don’t worry, boss. We’ll get this sick fuck for you. MONEYMAKER You guys handle this. I got a big money match to worry about. I promise you this, though: Whoever’s trying to get a good laugh at my expense won’t be doing so when it’s all said and done. You can put that in the bank!

I'm not so sure Portland Maine should be allowed to exist. This is the last HD before AP, which is mightily shocking. Fuckin schedule and its hoish behaviors. But, we goin' do what we goin' do, ya'll smell me?

Pretty good show.I really enjoyed it. Because I wrote half of it? Yes. Yes, that's exactly why I enjoyed it. I am a horrible, egomaniac without any redeeming qualities. But serious conversation, it was some good shit going on.

Tony Brannigan is standing backstage with the One Man Triple threat, SPENCER REIGER Reiger is wearing a black blazer with a dragon print on the back and faded jeans. TONY Welcome back, OAOAST Marks. I'm standing at the side of New York's Finest, Spencer Reiger. In a few moments you should be competing in an Anglepalooza Battle Royal, but I've come to understand you've requested interview time for another reason. SPENCER Brannigan, I want to introduce you to someone. This man wasn't a star student at the OAOVW training school. TONY As you most definitely were. SPENCER He wasn't an All American lacrosse player at prep school like I was. Hell, I'm not even sure this corny retard attended school beyond preschool. He didn't have his choice of Ivy Leauge schools to go to when he graduated high school. If he did graduate that is. He wasn't handpicked by Anglesault himself as the future of this company. He is Leon Rodez and he is your OAOAST world champion. But in my opinion, he's a jobber. TONY A jobber? You have to be kidding me. SPENCER I wish I were. He's not a jobber in the traditional sense of he loses all the time. He's a jobber in the sense that he's punk and a cornball. He's got a world title defense against a Texas A&M Aggie, who's cut out of stone. But he spends his last show before his big match mediating a fight between a couple of braindead teenage girls who've watched too much Degrassi. I don't know how many messed up sex acts Rodez had to do for a title shot or how many prayers he had to say to win the thing, but he's done nothing but embarrass the belt and the company sense he's had it. The world champion is supposed to be the man. He's just another face in the crowd being ran around by Nerdly girls. Me? I've got too much class, and too much style, and too much charisma to get lost in the shuffle. If you want to see a real world champion look to Spencer Reiger. My title quest starts this Sunday, but you'll get a sneak preview of how great I'm going to do in just a few moments. Adios, Brannigan! To the arena! COLE Coming up is our special Inaugural Brawl, which is always going to serve as a bit of a Lethal Rumble preview for this Sunday night's big thirty man over the top rope extravaganza. Tonight, six men, over the top rope eliminations. A little taster for you all of what's to come live on Pay Per View. And we at the OAOAST would like to take this moment to formally extend our congratulations to the 44th President of the United States Barack Obama, as I'm sure you'll agree Coach. COACH Shut up bitch! We in power now! You answer to me now! Hear that? Hear that wind of change motherfucker!? YES WE CAN make you fetch us coffee! This my house now! COLE And with that all that great work done by our President has been set back in 20 awful seconds. Let's go up to the ring and join Michael Buffer. *DINGDING!* CUE: "Hail To The Chief" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your following contest is a six man over the top rope 'Inaugural Brawl' battle royal!! "If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah" BUFFER Introducing the participants. First, from Beverly Hills, California... weighing two hundred, thirty five pounds... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER"... NNEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD... BBLLLLLAAAAAAAAANNCCHHHAAAAARRRRRRDD!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" To the sounds of Lupe Fiasco's "Superstar", Ned Blanchard walks the red carpet to a much more positive reception than he's used to. Ned doesn't seem bothered either way aside from the grin on his face as he marches to the ring. COLE Both Ned and Simon to be a part of the 8th annual Lethal Rumble after qualifying at an OAOAST live event in the week. And no Enterprise agendas to deal with, their focus will be on their own careers now, not what Theodore Moneymaker wants their careers to be. COACH They don't have careers without Moneymaker, don't you get it? He already took their name, took that stupid camera, if he wanted to take their livelihoods he could do that just as easily. And he still might. Ned warms up in the ring as "The World Is Mine" by David Guetta hits. A wealth of flickering and flashing spotlights alternate between entirely red and entirely white across the entrance stage. The lights on the floor then turn blue cutting through a thin haze that fills the stage. Spencer Reiger strolls out into this tranquil mist and adjusts his Ed Hardy hoodie top. BUFFER From Manhattan, New York... weighing in at two hundred, ten pounds. He is "THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT"... SSSSPPPEEEEEEEEENNCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRR... RRRREEEEEEIIIIIIIIIGGEEEEERRRRRRR!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Spencer saunters down the aisle, cloaked by a bright white spotlight to contrast the flashing blue and red "SR" shaped illuminations on the entrance ramp. Stopping at the end of the ramp Spencer prepares one of his cruel insults to the fans nearest to him. But tonight, he deems them unworthy of his time, so pathetic that they're not even worth humbling. COLE Spencer Reiger in his first Lethal Rumble this Sunday, qualifying over Jamie O'Hara. I can't see him making too many friends along the way. Jogging up the steps Spencer "rolls cameras" mockingly at Ned. Playing along, Ned gives him something to film. Except Spencer doesn't seem too impressed by the middle fingers being brandished at him. COLE There's one enemy already. COACH What happened to this guy? When he was in The Enterprise, he was never this crass. COLE That's not how I remember it. Ned has never been anything but. "It's Not My Time" by 3 Doors Down plays next, bringing out one of Spencer's longer-lasting enemies. Resident nice guy Tim Cash heads out waving warmly to the fans, greeting the camera-man in front of him with a friendly handshake. More waves and handshakes are afforded to the fans on his way down. Spencer watches on in disgust. And Ned joins him. BUFFER From Peoria, Illinois and weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... proudly known as wrestling's last real good guy... TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM... CCAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Here's a man who makes friends wherever he goes, Tim Cash! Tim makes it halfway up the steps before realising he's missed an out-stretched hand, jogging back down to shake it. As he enters the ring, Tim's friendship extends to his opponents, offering them both a handshake. Spencer of course tells him where to go, but Ned does give him the handshake, although far from a warm one and just a token gesture. Once Tim's turned away Ned looks at him like he's nuts. COLE I know Tim is looking forward to the Lethal Rumble. COACH And why would that be? COLE Well, twenty-nine opponents means twenty-nine hands to shake. "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" The warmth the crowd were feeling chills over into a chorus of boos once "Shadows Of The Night" begins to power (ballad) through the P.A. Leading the way out with a big smile on his face, Landon Maddix does a quick twirl on the stage, extending his arms triumphantly. To either side of him are his right hand men. On the left, James Blonde, looking with some jealousy at Todd Cortez on the right with his US Title over his shoulder. Landon turns to the duo and is filled with a huge dose of confidence, as if he needs it, leading them to the ring. BUFFER And finally... from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. He weighs two hundred, eight pounds... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJJAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEESSSSSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BUFFER From 'Hollywood Boulevard'... at two hundred, twenty six pounds. He is the OAOAST United States Champion... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER And from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred and eight pounds, he is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional and a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... LLLLAAAAANNNDDOOOOOOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Cortez looks serious as ever as he rolls into the ring, sizing up the opposition. Taking more time in the spotlight are Landon and the applauding Blonde, following his leader closely. Landon climbs to the apron and extends his hands to more boos. In the absense of Megan, Landon goes to enter the ring solo. But James Blonde can't see that happen and calls for Landon to wait, so that HE can hold the ropes open for his spin into the ring! COLE Cucaracha Internacional well represented here tonight and even better represented in the Lethal Rumble, where all five members are entered into the running. If they can co-exist, it's going to be a huge advantage for them. COACH Hang on, what do you mean 'if' they can co-exist? Why wouldn't they? COLE Aside from it being every man for themselves you mean? Not sensing the tension between his two allies, Landon pulls them together into a huddle to talk strategy. A huddle neither look comfortable with. Still blissfully unaware, Landon breaks and once the entrance jackets are out, we're ready to go. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds but before the action can commence, Tim has some more handshakes to dole out. COACH What planet is this guy from? Landon like Ned before looks pretty condescending about the whole thing, as Cortez is the first to do the deed. Figuring if it's good for Todd it's good for him, Blonde jumps in to shake the hand as well. But before Landon can do so, Spencer Reiger decides he's seen enough and jumps Cash from behind!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Finally the match is underway as Landon and Blonde break forward to attack Ned. Todd doesn't join them though, instead attacking Spencer as he puts the boots to Cash. Falling into a corner, Spencer is kicked at by Cortez, forcing him to go to the eyes. Turning the tables he stomps Cortez against the turnbuckles before standing on the throat choking the life out of the US Champion. When Cash pulls himself to his feet he thinks about going after Spencer. But, seeing the two on one situation Ned is in, Tim's selflessness draws him to help him out, pulling Blonde around into a forearm smash. And then Landon. Ned then rewards Cash's helpfulness, with a short clothesline. COACH That's gratitude for you. COLE Still the same old Ned. And unashamed about it. Ned grabs Landon as he gets to his feet, putting him into a turnbuckle pad face first. After landing two right hands Ned then scoops the legs and looks to throw La Cucaracha out! The crowd's cheers last barely a couple of seconds as just when Landon looks to be in trouble, James Blonde THROWS himself to Landon's rescue and pulls Ned away. COLE That's going to be a huge advantage at AnglePalooza for Landon Maddix. I could be wrong, but I don't think anyone else in the Rumble has a lapdog entered with him. Blonde takes a couple of shots from Ned, but manages to pick a way through and stun him with a Sitout Jawbreaker. As Ned goes down, Cash tries to grab Blonde from behind, but JB is able to land with an elbow. After punching Tim a couple of times, Blonde comes off the ropes looking for a clothesline. He gets caught and dropped in an inverted atomic drop though. Cash turns around to see Landon charging towards him, sidestepping and watching as Blonde accidently backdrops his boss! BLONDE Once he realises what he's done, Blonde tries to apologise but Cash spins him around and chops him in the chest. Blonde ducks a second and retaliates... *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...but Cash ducks and Blonde ends up chopping Landon!! COACH Oh no! COLE Right to Landon's achilles nipple! Horror-stricken, Blonde gets chopped again. Cash goes to whip Blonde, but it's reversed. Coming off the ropes Cash goes underneath a leapfrog from Blonde, stopping in his tracks to boot Landon in the gut. Behind him Blonde hits the ropes and Cash quickly adjusts, kicking out Blonde's legs and causing him to dropkick Landon in the chest inadvertantly!! COLE Tim Cash making a fool out of Cucaracha Internacional. Blonde tries to help Landon back up and Cash runs up behind, throwing Blonde up and over the top... ...but the Canadian hooks the top rope and hangs on! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" As Cash bends down to pick Blonde back up, he's grabbed and spun into a THRUST KICK by Todd Cortez! Seeing this, Landon pats Todd on the back and goes to putting the boots to Cash, while Blonde sulks at being upstaged. Not that he has much time to do so, as Spencer attack from behind, while Cortez and Ned start trading right hands across the ring. Cortez manages to pick Ned's leg and has him on the verge of elimination. COLE Ned Blanchard in danger and we're in danger of not getting paid by our advertisers! We're going to have to take a quick timeout. This Inaugural Brawl will continue when we come back! *COMMERCIALS!* COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, with the six-man Inaugural Brawl battle royal in progress. Since the break, Ned has escaped danger and is now trading off with Cortez. Spencer and Landon double team Cash now. Or, they were, until Spencer tires to cheapshot Landon and gets forearmed in the face for his trouble. COLE These six men all looking for valuable momentum going into the Lethal Rumble. But remember, the luck of the draw, so important this Sunday. And I'm sure the likes of The Deadly Alliance, of Bohemoth, of last year's winner Cuban Wall, Brock Ausstin, all looking on with intrigue at what's happening tonight with the Lethal Rumble preparations already underway. COACH Don't forget Biff Atlas! Sometimes in a Rumble you've gott play it safe. And nobody plays it any safer than Biff! As the seperate battles continue, Landon has Cash in tow and tries to pick him up onto his shoulders for the GTS... but Cash wriggles free. Grabbing Landon in a waistlock he runs him to the ropes. But with roll-ups of no use, he lets go before getting there and changes grip to try and tip Landon over the top!! COLE Look out, Landon in trouble! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAA..." Spotting the danger, Blonde quickly goes to the eyes on Reiger in order to get by him and rush over to drag Landon back from the brink again. COLE I wonder if James Blonde is house-trained or not. COACH Hey now! Blonde spends an eternity checking to see if Landon is okay, in which time Spencer Reiger is able to clear his vision. By the shoulder, he pulls Blonde around and executes a perfect standing dropkick to the jaw. Spencer motions for the crowd to give it up for him, which of course they don't. Spotting Cash walking across the ropes, Spencer seizes an opportunity to rake his eyes across the top cable. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Spencer mocks the blinded Tim, Ned manages to get a move on Cortez by hanging him face-first into the top turnbuckle pad. Another opportunity presents himself for Spencer and as Ned walks away, he charges. Ned sees The Prodigy coming though and ducks his head, backdropping Spencer up and over... ...TO THE APRON! Hanging onto the top rope Spencer quickly runs himself to the corner and with Ned slumped against the ropes catching a rest, Spencer hits the running enziguri from the ring apron!! COLE There's that kick. Precision strike from Reiger, although pretty risky in this type of match. COACH It paid off though. Still hanging onto the top rope Spencer decides to show-off by letting himself fall towards the ground and skinning the cat back inside. Reiger's showmanship is showed up seconds later though, as Tim Cash delivers a clothesline SENDING OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Shocked, Spencer holds his head in his hands as the crowd laugh it up at his expense. COLE Spencer got cocky and now, he's out of here! Cash doesn't waste time bragging and grabs a front facelock on Ned, pulling him upright. Fighting out, Ned lines Cash up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a knifedge chop. Cash falls against the ropes and Ned takes a few steps back to create a run-up, only for Cash to raise a foot and counter. As Ned falls backwards holding his jaw Tim takes a second to nurse his chest. Brushing aside the referees on the outside, Spencer suddenly hops to the apron. And before Cash knows what's happening, Spencer hooks his adversary and tips him over the top, BRINGING HIM TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!!! COLE Now what was that for? Talk about a sore loser. COACH Yeah, but now the guy who eliminated him's a loser as well. So that ought to soften the blow a little. As Cash complains about the validity of his elimination, Spencer backs away trash-talking him, escorted by a couple of referees. COLE Spencer Reiger yet again showing what a disrespectful young man he is, with his treatment of Tim Cash. And that leaves us with four. Ned Blanchard and the three members of Cucaracha Internacional. This could get ugly. Faced with three on one odds, Ned doesn't back down and instead drops Cortez with a clothesline. Maddix quickly moves in and Ned fends him off with right hands. But once Blonde joins in it's not long before Ned is overwhelmed and forced into a corner by the attack. "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" Landon and Blonde kick away at Ned repeatedly in the corner, then Landon directs traffic and they try to eliminate The Handsome Hustler. Across the ring, Cortez picks himself up. But rather than help out his Cucaracha Internacional team-mates, the US Champion decides to hang back and take a breather. Noticing this, Blonde waves authoritively at him to come and help, but Todd just ignores him. COACH What's Cortez's problem. Get over there man! COLE It's already two on one. If Blonde and Landon really need someone else's help at this point, they ought to ask themselves why. COACH That's not the point, he should be helping anyway. Fall in line soldier! Todd doesn't fall in line. And Blonde is left to regret it, as a stray boot catches him flush in the face! With JB down, Ned is able to struggle his way off the ropes and fire back on Landon with right hands. Maddix cuts him off with a knee, then delivers a hard kick to the chest. And one to the midsection. An irish whip sends Blanchard to the ropes and Landon goes up, ready for the Dropsault... but Ned hangs on and it's a bad landing for Landon! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Now Cortez jumps in and a slugfest ensues between him and Ned. Ned manages to deliver a kneelift and then send Cortez into the turnbuckles. As he goes to elevate him out, Blonde attacks Ned from behind. COLE I'm not sure if that was a save, so much as convenient timing. Beating Ned to one knee, Blonde directs traffic now. He whips Ned to the ropes and brings Cortez over to set up a double clothesline. Their lazy attempt is easily ducked by Blanchard though, who hooks the ropes on the near side. Not happy, Blonde gets on Todd's case. He then charges at Ned, who catches him with the STUN GUN!! COLE Got him! Blonde is left dazed, allowing Ned to simply PITCH HIM OUT OF THE RING as Cortez looks on!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And James can now go prepare Landon's bath water for when he gets to the back, he's gone! COACH Thanks to Todd Cortez. COLE How do you figure that? COACH He screwed up the move. And then he just stood there while James got thrown out. COLE Please. As Ned turns around, Todd just shrugs and the two go at it again with another exchange of right hands. Cortez is the one to gain the upperhand this time, delivering a rolling sobat kick to the stomach. Hitting the ropes, he gets cut off in the middle of the ring with a back elbow though. With Todd staying up, it's Ned hitting the ropes. But in steps Landon Maddix, getting the Dropsault this time! COACH Look at that, picturesque! COLE Careful. Don't you go getting a crush on him too. Pulling Ned back up, Landon feeds him to Cortez and gives the signal. COLE Uh-oh, Riot Act Plus! Cortez accepts the gift and goes to hook Ned... ...but The Handsome Hustler counters with a backdrop... ...which Todd flips out of, landing on his feet! Just about! Regaining his footing he quickly catches Ned with a dropkick to the knee... and Landon quickly follows up with the Low Flying Superkick with Ned downed!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Teamwork from Landon and Cortez. Boy, it's been a long while since they've been in synch like this. COACH Now that they are, the OAOAST better watch out. This is the final piece of the puzzle Michael, Landon's been saying it for months and now we're seeing it. Cucaracha Internacional are the ones to watch with Cortez towing the line. Or maybe not, as Landon calls for a high-five but Todd is busy picking Ned back up. Shrugging it off, Landon helps out and together they pick The Handsome Hustler off the mat. And already dazed, he has no defence as Landon and Cortez run him across the ring... ...AND HURL HIM OUT OVER THE TOP!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Ned Blanchard eliminated, after a valiant effort. COACH Yeah, but it's just like I told you, with Todd towing the line there's no stopping Cucaracha Internacional, the sky is the limi... Coach rightly trails off, as busy celebrating, Landon gets caught out... ...AND CLOTHESLINED OVER THE TOP BY CORTEZ!!!!!! BLONDE "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE WHAT? COACH DAMNIT, NOT AGAIN!! *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd go wild as the referee slides in to raise Cortez's arm in victory. Both Landon and Blonde look shocked on the floor. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner of this Inaugural Brawl battle royal... the OAOAST United States Champion... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE So much for being in synch! COACH Why does he ALWAYS do this!? Why!? As Landon holds his hands on his hips, a steamed up James Blonde hits the ring and gets in Cortez's face about what he just did. Just as it looks like they're about to come to blows, the referee holds them apart. Landon rolls into the ring at this point and with a stoney look on his face he steps in, pulling Blonde away. Taking the result much harder than his boss Blonde is fuming. But Landon just motions for him to 'cool it'. COACH Oh, now we're gonna get into it! Once Landon has got Blonde to settle down a little he turns to Cortez accusingly. The US Champion doesn't back down, shrugging his shoulders as if to say "what else was I supposed to do". And Landon smiles. COLE Huh? Blonde's reaction is just the same, only getting more confused as Landon LAUGHS. Yes, laughs. Suddenly unconcerned with the defeat, Landon actually pats Cortez on the chest and playfully mouths to him that "you got me", before HUGGING him! Cortez looks a little surprised but doesn't pull away, mainly thanks to the aghast expression James Blonde is facing him with. COLE Okay, now I'm REALLY confused. COACH Don't you get it? It's all cool! Todd got the better of his boss, no sweat, just a little harmless fun! What were you even worried about man!? COLE Well, sure, but... this is Landon Maddix we're talking about. All smiles, Landon is happy to admit not being the better man tonight. Blonde manages to flash him a smile as he passes, before giving Cortez a scowling look, clearly not as casual about the outcome as his mentor is. And the three leave together in something approaching harmony. COLE Okay, interesting goings on to say the least. A much more understanding Landon Maddix than we're used to, Cortez and Landon getting along. They say anything can happen in pro wrestling but... yeah. Todd Cortez your winner of the battle royal anyway, going into AnglePalooza. I can't imagine Landon Maddix would be quite so relaxed about this outcome if it were the Lethal Rumble somehow though. We may find out this Sunday. Until then, goodbye world! COACH And don't none of ya'll fuck with my boy Obama 'till then. We be watchin' ya'll!

FADE UP on: An opulent dressing room. Expensive curtains and carpets do their best to cover up that underneath its just a stadium locker room, but they do a rather posh job of it. At a BIG OAK DESK sits JAMES CONE in a suit and tie. He even has a little name plate on the front. “JAMES CONE: PHOENIX BRAND WRESTLERS PRESIDENT” He looks up at the camera. CONE: Greetings, gentle viewers. Tonight, I launch my new brand. You “smarks” might call it a “stable” or some such. What it is, is an attempt to give some new blood a proper guiding hand in this glorious and painful industry. You see, that’s what is at the heart with my disagreement with fellow – he makes air quotes with his fingers CONE: - “Superstar”, Hule Bartowski. He comes out with all this flash and celebration as if he’s achieved something. And who is he really? An untested meatball who ripped up his shoulder, stupidly, in his debut match. Tsk, tsk! Well tonight, I’m going to introduce you to my first pupil. You won’t see him. I’m only going to give you his name. He will earn his television time by what he does in the ring. But because he is mine, and as such is of a particular caliber, I’m giving him an enormous opportunity. I’m going to test my star pupil against your so called “hero”, Mr. Bartowski. At Anglepalooza, Phoenix Brand, in partnership with the OAOAST, will present the first of Hule Bartowski’s Tri-Bulation Series of matches. It will be: Hule “The Name” Bartowski versus my protégé, “Die Hard” Rick Danger in a match made famous by me: Barbed Wire Spools From Hell. Phoenix begins to laugh, almost Ted Dibiase style CONE: Break a leg, Hule. BACKSTAGE: Hule, dressed in a jersey and jeans with his arm in a sling watches intently. He nods. Shit’s on. PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Folks we are just days away from Anglepalooza where we will find out who will be moving on to face the OAOAST world champion at Anglemania in Indianapolis! Will it be the Meterosexual Monster? The hometown hero Alfdogg? Former world champion Landon Maddix? The evil James Cone? Or possibly a youngster like Spencer Reiger or Tyler Bryant? We’ll find out at Anglepalooza! But tonight we start with the number one contender in Anderson Cup action! A wildly spinning wealth of warm coloured spot lights come across the stage, accompanied by the Ginger Spice’s bouncing rendition of Its Raining Men. The fans clap their hands rhymitcally bounce their bodies in joyful welcome of Los Diablos. The always energetic tag team feeds off the fans spirts with an even more raunchy and lewd body grind than usual. They finish off with a twirl and a wave to their fans before heading down the ramp. BUFFER The following is a first round Anderson Cup match in the Los Infernale conference At a total combined weight of three hundred and fourty pounds... they are the number seven seeds in the Los Infernales Conference. From sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexiest team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!! The duo make sure no heterosexual man will ever purchase tickets rampside as they vigorously hump and pump their crotches at every semi decent looking man they pass. Inside the ring, they get the audience going, clapping and dancing with full delight inside the red and pink spotlights. COACH Its good to see those who aid and abet terrorist plots can have so much fun. COLE We don’t know kind of involvement Mariachi had in the plot to kill Mister Moneymaker. Or even if that was the intent in the first place. COACH I know a limo exploded AND here’s the real crime, an Angle Award was stolen. You can steal a lot of things in this world. Money, government secrets, virginity. But you don’t still Angle Awards! You don’t! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! Sizzling sparks of golden pyro cascade onto the steel stage, obscuring the view of Mister Dick’s near x-rated Angletron. As Womanizer replaces MD’s ode to his greatness, the Angle Award winning couple of the year strides through the pyro. They perpetually horny couple psyches themselves up and turn themselves on by grabbing generous handful’s of each other’s ass, and plunging their tongues deep into each other’s eager and loving mouth. BUFFER And the opponents, they are the number two seeds from the Los Infernales conference, and the Angle Award winning couple of the year representing the Deadly Alliance! First from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada…she is the deadliest combination of beauty and beatdowns and a former Women’s Champion…MALAYSIA! And her partner, he is a former OAOAST tag team champion, and the number one contender to the OAOAST world title. Ladies and gentlemen he is THE HUMAN HARD ON MISTER DIIIIIIICK! COLE Los Diablos are fun loving characters and great young superstars, but they’ll have to work a mistake free match to beat a team as Deadly, pun intended, as this one. But if Malaysia and Mister Dick are looking ahead to their matches this Sunday at Anglepalooza there’s a chance for an upset. COACH There you go talking DAT BULLSHIT! Mister Dick is the number one contender to the world title, and the hottest thing going. Malaysia has ran Krista ragged like NO MAN has ever done. Now, you gonna tell me they might take a loss to these guys? Son, you sippin and you ain’t got much farther to go till you hit bottom. On the ring apron Mister Dick and Malaysia manage to make their foes grinding routine appear as innocent and clean as a 30’s foxtrot. The Human Hard On lies chest first across the ring rope, straddling it with his monstrous member. Malaysia drapes her legs between the ropes, and with furious passion pumps her crotch against Mister Dick’s bucking ass. While Los Diablos shudder in revulsion the Angle Award winning couple throws orgasmic cries and wild grunts into the air. COLE The winner of this match advances through the tournament to face off against very powerful foes in The Beverly Hills Blonds! So far we have The Christ Air Express against The Enterprise, and Team Heyross against Faqu and Blonde set for the second round. DING DING DING Immediately after the bell, Mariachi extends his hand to Mister Dick in friendship. MD is wise to the shady shenanigans of homosexual luchadores and produces a latex glove from his tiny tights in protection. He slips them on his hand and then gives Mariachi a condescending handshake. COACH Great sportsmanship from The Human Hard On. You ain’t ever see Leon Rodez show respect like that. Mariachi responds to the insult with a firm slap across the face! The crowd reacts with loud cheers, celebrating the gutsy display of the luchadore. MD, however, is incensed and smashes his knee into Mariachi’s gut. He then grabs onto his arm and attempts to throw him to the ropes. But the Mexican reverses the hold and throws MD to the mat with a hip toss. MD clutches his sore back and curses Mariachi. His problems with the gay sensation increase when Mari spreads apart his legs and looks on with hungering lust. COLE Go for it, boyfriend! Mariachi looks to the audience for approval. Not wanting to be labeled homophobic in these progressive times, the fans loudly urge him on. Mari smiles at their assent and then drops his head down onto MD’s King Dong! That would be horrible enough for MD, but Mariachi continues crossing the line by biting down onto his kibbles n bits! “YEAAAAAA!” COACH Yo, first this man aids in a terrorist plot against Theodore Moneymaker, and now he’s committing rape and cannablism! Mariachi gnaws and chews on his delicious piece of Texas sirloin, giving a hearty thumbs up to his clapping partner. Not quite as pleased is Malaysia, who barks referee Earl Hebnber. While Hebner can’t do much to cease the assault, Mister Dick can; he hammers is spurred boots into Mari’s head. Though the luchadore initially refuses to give up his tasty snack, the wave of kicks eventually push him away. “You done did it now!” Mister Dick screams in an all too shrill voice. He kips up and tags Mariachi with a pair of jabs to the jaw. Weakening his foe, Mister Dick is able to guide him to the corner and slam him face first into the post. “You wanna suck on something, you suck on this, boy!” He bellows and then throws a big boot into the luchadore’s face. Mariachi’s head snaps back, and he then comes stumbling out the corner. His dizzied path carries him straight towards a Stiff Kick from The Human Hard On! But, Mariachi rolls beneath the signature strike and comes up behind his foe. He gives a thumbs up to the fans, before shoving that thumb up Mister Dick’s ass! “AHHHHHHH!” Mister Dick feels the humiliating and agonizing pain of anal insertion. COACH I wouldn’t be surprised if our “great” world champion had to stoop so low to try and retain that belt. A belt which he never should’ve got in the 1st place. He didn’t win any Angle Awards! Mister Dick won angle awards and he splooged on Baron Windells. COLE Those are two of my personal life goals. Earl Hebner hasn’t much choice but to interject himself before Mariachi’s whole hand finds its way into Mister Dick. Rather than thank the referee for rescuing him from rape, Mister Dick uses him to his advantage by shoving him into Mariachi. The homie is knocked off balance and this gives Mister Dick and opportunity to him down with a discus lariat! The Portland audience recoils in revulsion as they watch the fun loving luchadore fall as though he’d just been shot. “PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK! PENCIL DICK!” they chant at the hip swiveling Mister Dick. COACH I see these people just watched one of Leon’s movies. Tired of having his prized possession be talked about in such unflattering terms, Mister Dick tags Malaysia by smacking her on her tush. Entering the ring Malaysia is caught into an arm wringer by Mariachi. The luchadore twist and torques her arm before leaping onto the second rope and back flipping off. This impressive display does little to aid him against Malaysia, as when he comes down the dominatrix simply plows through him with a lariat. COLE Krista has a tough test this Sunday against this woman. It comes days before her first ever world title shot on our 300th episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Malaysia grabs Mariachi by the back of his mask and leads him off the canvas. He staggers in place as the deadly goddess slams her muscled forearm into his chest. Before he can topple over in agony, she grabs onto his arm and irish whips him to a neutral corner. Mariachi’s back slams into the ring posts and he emits a pained gasp. Fast approaching him is Malaysia with arm raised for a lariat. But he lifts his boot up and staves off her attack. Malaysia is sent stumbling away with her hands going up to shield her sore face. Her weakened state grants Mariachi the chance to rush down the ring and tag in Moracca. COACH The OAOAST is shady as hell, son. These two aided a terrorist plot and they get to keep their spot in the Anderson Cup. You think the FBI was letting Gitmo detainees take batting practice with the Oakland As? Moracca makes his presence felt by body splashing Malaysia who had rested against the ring posts. As her dizzed and stunned steps carry her away from the corner he makes a quick ascension to the top rope. The fans buzz with anticipation, eager to see a high risk move. But all their treated to is the underhanded behavior of Mister Dick who swipes Moracca’s foot from under him. The flamboyant superstar is driven downwards, impaling himself crotch first on the ring posts. “OOOOOH!” Ignoring Hebner’s warnings, Mister Dick talks vulgar trash to his wounded foe. While her man belittles their foe, Malaysia recomposes herself and then begins trekking up the ring ropes. Once she reaches her rival, she clamps down on the back of his head and drives his face into her nether regions! Mariachi is nearly brought to his knees from a heartattack, and Moracca makes instant bids to get himself out this troubling position. Malaysia shows no willingness to relent and continues to grind Moracca into her pleasure zone. “Its like kryptonite to ya, ain’t it, Superfag! Probably gonna burn yer face off!” Mister Dick “Ahhhh the vagina, the vagina is melting me! A ti no te parieron, te cagaron!” That cruel insult in his native tongue is last thing, Moracca hears before Malaysia drives his head into the canavs with a powerful DDT. The fans leap back, shocked by the devastating impact in which Malaysia delivered the hold. The Nerdly bully takes a second to chuckle over her handiwork before he lays her arm across Moracca’s chest for a casual pin…. ONE! TWO! Somehow Moracaa finds the strength needed to kick out. While this may please the fans, it doesn’t sit well with Malaysia and she punishes her foe by forcing the heel of her boot down his throat. “That’s the last thing you’re gonna be deep throating after I come in theere and kick yer ass right back down to Meh-he-co!” Mister Dick calls out. Malaysia slowly brings her rival upright, admiring the damage she’s already caused him. She seeks to inflict more when she tightens her arms across his midsection in preparation for a gut buster. But, Moracca begins frantically squirming inside her arms, desperate to avoid the lethal hold. Though Malaysia tightens her grip, she can’t prevent Moracca from countering her hold into a surprise roll up. ONE! Malaysia pushes her way out of the fall long before the two count. Despite being in the pinning predicament, she rises earlier than her foe and gruffly orders him upright. Once he adheres to her orders, Malaysia collars her arm around him in a front facelock. He tries to pull himself out her hold, but her grip is much to tight for his paltry strength. As such the Mexican is forced to go where he’s never gone before! A deep breath and prayer to the good lord flourish his resolve as his fingers head up towards her lady parts. COACH You got one minute left to live, dawg. Malaysia doesn’t take Moracca’s attempted intrusion with much pleasure and punishes him for his treachery with another DDT. He lays on the canvas, massaging his sore head while Malaysia curses him for his invasive behavior. As she continues to bombard him with insults, she peels his limp figure off the mats. He’s thrown into the ropes and bounces back into her muscular arms. Those powerful limbs fling him over head and have his body crash into the canvas with a belly to belly suplex! COLE Dominating performance thus far. But what if the tag team contests at Anglemania happens to be Mister Dick and Malaysia against ThunderKid and Reject? COACH As long as the belts stay in the Deadly Alliance and out the hands of Team Heyross its all good. Gotta keep the gold in the stable of the year! Malaysia’s tongue tingles and pleasures Mister Dick’s ear, gripping him with ecstasy and tagging him into match at the same time. Burning libido and all the number one contender enters the ring and bounces off the ropes. When he reaches his fallen foe, he leaps high into the sky and comes down with the point of his knee across Moracca’s forehead. While the fans boo his endless dominance, he hooks Moracca’s leg for a fall… ONE! TWO! The luchadore kicks out, giving faint hope to a crowd that doesn’t wish see these heathens advance. “VI-AG-RA! VI-AG-RA! VI-AG-RA!” the audience chants. COACH Count on the OAOAST Marks to keep it classy and clever at all time. Mister Dick lifts himself back up, and chewing on the inside of his cheek, he waits for the luchadore to do the same. Though his rise is slow, Moracca calls upon the strength to fire off a knife edge chop. That’s all he can land however, as MD grabs onto his arm and starts to throw him to the ropes. But Moracca shifts his bodyweight and succeeds in reversing the hold. As the former Texas A&M star goes gliding away, the luchadore lowers his head. Mister Dick returns to take Moracca’s leap frong bait, but as he lands behind him, he turns the tables by throwing his boot into his Mexican jumping beans! “BOOOOOOOO!” The Human Hard On dismisses the audience’s issues by making an oral sex motion to them. Thankfully for the OAOAST’s PR department, Mister Dick stops at that raunchy display and brings Malaysia back into the contest with a hard smack to her fine rear end. Still weak from MD’s brazen cheapshot, Moracca is easily slugged down by the powerful right hands of the deadly Nerdly. Mariachi becomes fearful over his partner’s safety, and ignores Hebner’s warnings to enter the ring. But he acts as nothing but a meat shield for his lover as Malaysia wallops him with a standing lariat! Now Moracca determines he must save his partner from further beatings, and uses his last gasp of energy to pounce on Malaysia. His piddling blows do her no arm, and she lays him back out with a big boot! But just as Moracca goes down, Mariachi springs back up and assails Malaysia with crazed and furious forearms. COACH They’re like gnats. Ya swat one away and even more keep appearing. Mister Dick hastily comes to Malaysia’s aid, beating Mariachi away with well timed right crosses. His deadly strikes do enough damage to the luchadore, that Mister Dick hasn’t any trouble in foisting him onto his shoulders. As the audience boos the forthcoming finisher, he throws his foe forward and onto his knees with the Cock Block! COACH If ever there was a dude who needed to get cock blocked its that one. Malaysia places a boot on Mariachi’s barely moving chest, leading Mister Dick to order Hebner to count the fall… ONE! TWO! THREE! *DINGDINGDING!* The fans may be displeased but the Angle Award winning couple treats the victory like their wedding night foisting their tongues down the other’s throat and grabbing greedy handfuls off the other’s muscled hardbodied ass. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and advancing to face the Beverly Hills Blonds, MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIAAAAAA! COLE That’s the type of performance you don’t see everyday. Thoroughly dominant by these two intimidating athletes. What kind of trouble could Krista and Leon Rodez be in this Sunday at Anglepalooza? COACH Big trouble! Big ASS trouble, son! Leon Rodez don’t want with the don of this wrestling game. He gonna get put back in his place, the midcard, by Mister Dick, and then The Human Hard On is gonna finish what Malaysia started by daughterin’ Krista on the 300th episode of HeldDOWN in her own hometown. LATER TONIGHT 1ST ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION D*LUX Vs THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND TONIGHT!

WEST PORTLAND DANCE STUDIO Krista is filled with an immense haunting terror. She can only take her trembling, sweat drenched hands and uneasily force the phone back into her pocket. Barely able to sty upright, weakened by the mental exhaustion, she staggers and stumbles on weary legs down the hallway. The lobby is dark and empty and cool and the furnace sounds like it could burst at any moment. Plastic molded chairs line up against the walls and the entire building smells like wood cleaner. The west dance floor is dark, though Krista can see through the opening window. A small office is lit, albeit only dimly. ALIX (O.S.) Krista! Krista! Krista is seized by terror so strong she can hardly move. She hasn’t a way to make her feet lurch forward. ALIX (O.S.) Krista, come here! Krista’s eyes flash around the area, trying to find where the voice is coming from. She hears Alix laugh and whirls to the sound. There she is on TV, tousling Krista’s air. It’s from a segment that aired on Headline News. Then the TV screen goes blue. Krista turns slowly. Malaysia is standing very still by the back exit. In her hand is the remote control. The two ladies stare at each other for a very long time, and then Malaysia cracks a sly grin. She walks toward Krista, quite close, and then passes her to put the remote on top of the DVD player. MALAYSIA Sorry about the lie. I do want Alix, but not nearly as bad as I want you. KRISTA You...tricked me. MALAYSIA You smell so delicious. That’s what I like best about you. Your smell. Everyone has something they like best about you. You smell floral. I have to get my taste. Malasyia lifts a lock of Krista’s golden hair and sniffs it delicately. Then she gently pats the strand back into place. Malaysia steps back and begins to circle, casually as if she were trying to get a better view of a statue in a museum. Then she slumps forward into a crouch and her smile grows until its not a smile anymore but contortion of glistening teeth. Krista lunges for her foe. Malaysia is in front of her in a flash, and a crushing blow hits her chest to send her flying backwards. Krista feels herself skidding across the smooth wood floor before hearing a crunch as her head bashed the mirror. The glass buckled, some of the pieces shattering and splintering beneath her. MALASYIA That’s why I like you. You’re feisty. Jade tries to be tough like you, but there’s nothing like the real thing. Krista ignores Malaysia, scrambling on her hands and knees and crawling towards the door. Malaysia is over on her at once, her foot stepping down hard on her leg. Krista hears the sickening snap before she feels it. But then she does feel it and can’t hold back her scream of agony. MALAYSIA Ooooooh yes! Malaysia’s boot smashes into her face, throwing her back into the broken mirror. Over the pain of her leg she feels the sharp rip across her scalp where the glass cut it. And then warm wetness spread through her hair with alarming speed. She could feel it soaking the wetness of her shirt. MALAYSIA The little starlet is bleeding. How's the going to look on the cover of People? KRISTA Owwwwww. MALAYSIA Now I get to have my fun. Malaysia’s fingers find the snap of Krista shorts quite easily and she opens them, her right hand diving down inside them as if searching for hidden treasures. Her fingers move quickly over the flesh forcing her legs apart, her ears hearing the sudden intake of breath, the trembling sobs of Krista but Malaysia is not to be stopped. Her dark eyes dive into blue pools as her fingers torture and torment the blonde until she’s molding her like hot lava to her fingers. She slides her free hand through Krista's track jacket, cupping her breasts. Her thumbs rapidly swipe across her nipples. She traces along the edge of her jaw with her tongue. Her lips fastened on Krista's earlobe and suckle it. She latheres the underside of her ear and follows it down the soft curve of her neck. Malaysia fixes on her lobe again, this time biting with her teeth. All the while Malaysia's fingers continue to satisfy her deepest of carnal urges. KRISTA St...stop! Fingers curl around Krista’s neck as Malaysia pulls her mouth to hers and begins to rape it with deep sodden kisses, tongue thrusts echoing the passion she had held in check too long. Malaysia lifts those fingers to Krista’s lips and forces her to suck them clean with obvious delight before smiling at Krista like the cat that ate the canary. MALAYSIA I’d rather finish up in private. Malaysia throws her remote at the camera, knocking it over and ruining the feed. COMMERCIAL

We pan down to the world famous interview stage and OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN We are 3 nights away from Anglepalooza live exclusively on pay-per-view, and two of the men participating in this Sunday’s Lethal Rumble happen to my guests this week. They are the new tag team of BARON WINDELS and wrestling’s last real good guy, TIM CASH! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits and Cash/Windels slap a few hands on their way to the podium. BRANNIGAN Guys, you saw it like the rest of us. Your reaction to the little stunt Theodore Moneymaker pulled here tonight? BARON To be quite honest, I’m stick to my stomach. I know how hard Shayne Brave trained to comeback and to see him and Tyler get jobbed the way they did, after preparing all this time to face the Last Kings of Scotland, it just makes my blood boil. It’d be like the Steelers preparing for the Cardinals in the Super Bowl and then finding out just before kick-off they’ll be playing the Cowboys instead, a team that wasn’t even in the tournament! BRANNIGAN As a couple of Cowboys fans, you and I would love that, but it wouldn’t be fair. BARON Unless you ain’t got no ethics like Theodore Moneymaker. I reckon that cowboy’s still upset I found his money to be no good. By rejecting Enterprise membership I knew it’d put my name right at the top of Moneymaker’s enemies list, but I also gained a ton more of friends because of it. Take the man next to me for example. Before he became a wrestler Tim Cash was just an ordinary citizen doing his part to serve and protect his community as an emergency medical technician. He partnered with a man named Tango Bosley. They formed a friendship and eventually decided to break into the sport of professional wrestling. Like every rookie they hit their fair share of bumps on the road. But when the going got tough, Bosley sold out for instant fame and fortune which reminded me of a former partner. Unlike Tango Bosley and Mr. Dick, Tim Cash and Baron Windels dug in deep and continued to fight like true soldiers! A couple of citizen soldiers you might say, because if we can’t get along then we’ll get it on. Next week these Citizen Soldiers are gonna march into the second round of the Anderson Cup and get rid of V.I.C.E. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BRANNIGAN As I mentioned in the introduction, you’ll both partake in the Lethal Rumble where it’s every man for himself. It’s quite possible you two might cross paths somewhere during the match. The winner to receive a shot at the OAOAST Champion at AngleMania VIII. CASH All for one and one for all, that’s how we’re approaching the Lethal Rumble. If we have to thrown down hopefully it wouldn’t be until 28 others have already been eliminated! I’ll get a taste of the mayhem this Sunday later tonight in the Inaugural Brawl. Only 6 of us in that one, but since I’m such a swell guy I’ll help throw them over the top! The music cues and the newly dubbed Citizen Soldiers play to the crowd. COLE The Citizen Soldiers are ready for whatever comes their way, Coach. COACH Let’s see how ready they are next week against V.I.C.E. That's gonna be a historic ass whuppin on a historic show. Them whitebread fools is gonna enter the ass kickin hall of fame. I can't wait! COMMERCIAL

I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT ENTERPRISE VICE Windy City Edition A Theodore Moneymaker Production Filmed with Theodore Moneymaker's Siclopse STARRING CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN AS THE GRIZZLED VETERAN TANGO BOSLEY AS THE HOTHEADED DETECTIVE AND INSPECTOR NERDLY AS THE ROOKIE TAPED EARLIER THIS WEEK The afternoon sun creeps through half open blinds onto the plush purple carpeting inside the Windy City free clinic. The majority of the large purple and green chairs are filled with patients who pass their time reading magazines or talking to their family. Morgan Nerdly sits beside an eight year old boy playing with toys. KID What are you here for? MORGAN Me? Oh, I’m here for Dissocial Personality Disorder KID What’s that mean? MORGAN I like to hurt people. KID I don’t think you do. You look like a nice person. MORGAN Thanks. KID Do you like Bionicles? ‘Cause I do. They’re my favorite toys. They protect me from evil sprits and bad stuff. You can have one. The kid hands Morgan a toy. MORGAN I can’t take your toy. KID I have a lot more. I bet you could use it more than me. NURSE Morgan Nerdly? Doctor Anderson will see you now. MORGAN Sorry, buddy, I gotta go. Um thanks for the toy. Morgan pockets the toy and heads back towards the office. Anderson sees Morgan and his face lights up with shock. DOCTOR ANDERSON Morgan? You’re here to see the doctor? There aren’t any doctors in Edmonton? Morgan giggles at the obvious question, and playfully tosses her hair back. MORGAN There’s no Doctor Anderson. DOCTOR ANDERSON It’s a fairly common name. You don’t look sick by the way. She frowns and her eyes nervously dart to the side. Doctor Anderson softens his tight stance in order to comfort her. MORGAN I’m sick in the head. I have Dissocial Personality Disorder with major psychotic tendencies. Doctor Anderson offers Morgan a solemn nod of compliance and of understanding. He motions for her to follow him, and she keeps pace behind him, looking just a bit more cheerful than usual. They step into his Doctor’s office, a calming, cozy room with a burning brick fireplace and exotic plant life. DOCTOR ANDERSON As a family practiconer I can treat you, but I may want to refer you to outpatient psychiatric care. MORGAN Been there, done that. DOCTOR ANDERSON We’ll see if you have to do it again, have a seat. Morgan hops onto the bed. DOCTOR ANDERSON Are you on any medications? MORGAN Plenty! DOCTOR ANDERSON What types of medications are you on, Morgan? MORGAN Do you think I’m pretty? DOCTOR ANDERSON (not looking up from his chart) Well, you’re a very charming and unique young lady from what I can tell. MORGAN I didn’t ask if you thought I was charming. I’m not. I didn’t ask if you thought I was unique. I am, and not for anything good. I want you to tell me I’m pretty. DOCTOR ANDERSON A doctor, at least a medical doctor in a free clinic, should not be commenting on his patient’s looks. Its unprofessional. Why don’t you- MORGAN I don’t care what’s unprofessional. If you don’t give me an answer I’ll pick up that scalpel over there and I’ll stab myself with it. Do you think I’m pretty. DOCTOR ANDERSON Morgan.. Morgan isn’t one for lying nor is she one for bluffing. She snatches the nearby scapel into her hand. Before Anderson can register the severity of the situation she’s hauling the blade across her fair skin. Red goo instantly creeps onto the pristine whiteness, leaving the doctor horrified. Morgan watches with an expression that hints at sorrow, as he rushes to bandage her up. DOCTOR ANDERSON Good god. Yes I think your pretty. Just don’t do that again! I..I..I could have you committed for that sort of thing. I should have you committed for that sort of thing. I should. Morgan smiles at some private and familiar memory that’s just come to her like a loyal puppy. MORGAN You’re not going to do that. You’re going to give me a lap dance. The doctor looks at her with surprise in his eyes. DOCTOR ANDERSON I can’t give you that. MORGAN Why not? I don’t get it. You do it for every other woman. But for some reason you don’t think I’m worth it? I’m not pretty enough? I’m not your type? He sighs, and she frowns. He can tell this isn’t Morgan flirting, but just Morgan being the troubled girl she can’t help but be. DOCTOR ANDERSON This is a doctor’s office. I don’t play stripper here. I play doctor. MORGAN Hmmm…then play Doctor with me. Doctor Anderson is still somewhat surprised how what would be playful flirting is just plain, depressed, emotionally spent conversation with Morgan. Her words are more like a cry for help that an invitation to amorous play. DOCTOR ANDERSON Morgan, I’m thinking you should go now. Doctor Emily Hirshbeck is right down the hall, I’ll have her see you right away. She’s great, I think you’ll like her. MORGAN (in her saddest voice yet) I want to know feel what its like to be touched. Doctor Anderson sighs in defeat, knowing he can’t break his moral code and knowing because of that he can’t console Morgan at this moment. MORGAN Do you think you could ever go with someone like me. DOCTOR ANDERSON If I was little younger, why not? MORGAN If I told you things I did before…told you how I used to be would you still wanna be with me? DOCTOR ANDERSON Nobodies closet is without skeletons. MORGAN But, if you knew my story word for word. If you had all my history? DOCTOR ANDERSON Who do you think you’re talking to? I worked in a strip club a third of my life. You think I haven’t done some crazy stuff? MORGAN But now? DOCTOR ANDERSON The craziest thing I do during the week, besides work for the OAOAST, is I stay up past 12 to watch a rerun of Becker. Better than Cheers in my opinion. But, nothing like blowing up a limo. MORGAN I wasn’t… DOCTOR ANDERSON You guys thought we did it. Doctor Pigley and I. I’ll tell you the full story behind it. At least everything I know. Somebody asked us, this man in crazy circus makeup and funny suit, he asked us to standby in case of emergency. The man said he might need a doctor if there are causalities. We asked him what he meant by that and He told us the same thing he we told to Mariachi. He asked us to tell Mariachi and we did. Don’t misunderstood me, Steve and I both despise Moneymaker just like everyone else. But…we save lives we don’t take them, and we don’t condone taking them. Once we figured out the plan was to blow up a limo we were getting ready to go alert Josie but on our way to the office we heard the explosion. No one was hurt, but…I just want to say I’m not a murder and neither is Steve MORGAN I wouldn’t care if you were. I’ve done some very crappy things to people. DOCTOR ANDERSON Would you blow someone up? MORGAN Maybe not...but I can't say I wouldn't kill someone. I've wanted to, but I never have. This guy, I guess the mastermind, its like he’s got some kind of rebel army almost. He thinks he’s leading a resistance. DOCTOR ANDERSON Why fight it then? The guy said to us he wanted change. As John McCain found out, you can’t stop change. If its going to come, you either watch it come, or get crushed trying to stop it. I have to save lives, but you don’t. If there are that many people that want Theodore Moneymaker dead, there must be a reason. Why won’t you let fate do what it has to? MORGAN This is my last shot at having a family. The Nerdlys never wanted me. I was born premature, and I was a sick baby. I was sick and weak until I was was threee. Maggie was only a year younger than me and she was healthy and so pretty. She’s their baby. I need VICE and The Enterprise. If something happens to Mister Moneymaker, it’ll all fall apart. I won’t lose them. FADE OUT COMMERCIAL

A shrill scream fills the arena as "Makes Me Wonder" greets us back inside the arena. An even shriller scream then greets D*LUX as they make their first appearance for a couple of months. Tyler motions to the crowd as Shayne raises his arms in the air, revealing again the plaster cast on his still injured arm. Any pain he might have been feeling is replaced with adrenaline now and he high-fives Tyler before heading to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team contest is an Anderson Cup First Round match, set for one fall! Introducing team number one, at a total combined wei.... Buffer's introduction trails off at the sight of DETECTIVE BOSLEY and CPA jumping D*LUX in the aisle! The boybanders go flying, Tyler being clipped at the knee while Shayne is struck in the back of the head! COLE Come on! What the hell is this!? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Bosley and CPA put the boots to Tyler and Shayne respectively with the crowd voicing their disapproval, while referee Mike Chioda leaves the ring trying to get some order. The raging Bosley takes a swipe at the ref in his attack before dropping down and choking Tyler with his bare hands. Meanwhile Shayne is sent into the barricade. Grabbing the injured arm, CPA holds it out against the barricade and motions to Bosley. And with a big smile on his face Bosley psychs himself up with some slaps before DELIVERING A RUNNING BOOT TO THE CAST!! COLE Oh no, right to that broken wrist! COACH I guess Tyler was right, Shayne did come back too soon. COLE We'll never know now thanks to this heinous attack by VICE! Curled up against the barricade Shayne screams in pain after the attack to the arm. Tyler tries to get over to help him out but is overwhelmed by the combined force of VICE and together they take him towards the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Well the bell has sounded, but this isn't right, D*LUX weren't even prepared to face VICE in the first place and now Shayne Brave has been incapacitated and it's two on one! COACH Boy, want some cheese with that whine? COLE If I want cheese, you're the guy to turn to for sure. Bosley puts the boots to Tyler in the ring with CPA making the token effort of standing on the apron. A pumped up Bosley lets loose on the crowd for a second, before dropping a big elbow on Tyler and covering... 1... 2... No. Tyler rolls away into a neutral corner, kicking Bosley in the stomach as he moves in. Another kick fends the Detective off. And another. COLE Tyler fighting alone, but fighting with all he's got. Grabbing the rope Tyler turns himself up and over as Bosley charges him this time, running across the ring and nailing CPA with a forearm! As the bigman goes to the floor Tyler turns back to Bosley and runs underneath a clothesline. Coming off the ropes he goes for a crossbody, but Bosley catches him, to a groan from the crowd. BOSLEY I GOT YOU NOW BOY! I GOT YOU NOW! Unfortunately for Bosley, he spoke... well, yelled too soon, as Tyler counters Bosley's attempted throw and hooks him with a DDT reversal!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Could have him! 1... 2... CPA SAVES!! CPA leaves the ring, allowing Bosley to get over to the corner to tag. Tyler doesn't have that luxury and as he gets to his feet, CPA lays him out with a well-placed boot to the jaw. In the aisleway, Shayne continues to lay prone in pain. COACH Medical note- getting kicked in the arm if your arm is broken will not heal the arm. Unlike how concussions can be cured by a blow to the head, as evident in many cartoons. Works best if you use a frying pan. CPA picks Tyler up and shoves him into a corner. The youngster tries to cover up, but CPA's bodyshots rain their way through the defences and soon Tyler is laid against the bottom turnbuckle needing the referee to come to his rescue. As CPA backs away, Bosley sees an opportunity and runs down the apron to kick Tyler in the head, which gets a warning as well. COLE Come on. This isn't a match, it's a mugging. COACH No, pretty sure it's a wrestling match. See that thing with the ropes? Wrestling ring. Pulling Tyler up again, CPA fires off a couple more bodyshots before whipping him across the ring. Tyler hits the opposite turnbuckles as Bosley steps in. An avalanche from CPA crushes Tyler against the turnbuckles, before he's sent out into a back elbow attack from Bosley. As Tyler hits the mat Bosley spins him around and with a slightshot, sends him right back to CPA, who catches Tyler in mid-air with a Front Spinebuster!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, the back of Tyler's head just BOUNCED off the canvas! Referee Chioda tries to put Bosley out and gets yelled at for his trouble, not to mention the covering of spittle, neither of which are too pleasant. Bosley does leave, but immediately becomes the legal man. After mouthing off to the ref again Bosley makes his way over to Tyler. Defenceless, Tyler gets slapped around a little. COLE Now they're just mocking Tyler. There's no need for any of this. COACH They're sending a message Michael. Making an example out of someone to warn the rest of the OAOAST what'll happen if they step out of line. COLE You mean like what they did to Mariachi? COACH Exactly. Bosley further mocks D*LUX by reaching Tyler's hand out in the direction of a tag which isn't going to come with Shayne incapacitated some 20 feet away. When Tyler starts fighting back, Bosley finally puts an end to the games with a knee, elevating Tyler up into a crucifix position and letting him fall into the Long Arms Of The Law with the neckbreaker! BOSLEY YOU WANT HIM!? HUH!? Apparantly VICE aren't done just yet though, as CPA asks for the tag. Bosley holds Tyler upright as CPA measures him. BOSLEY YEAH! END THIS PUNK! PUT THAT FIST RIGHT THROUGH HIS GODDAMN HEART BIG DOG! And CPA nearly does with the GIGATON PUNCH!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The punch! And Tyler is done! This is a damn shame! CPA finally makes the cover with Bosley still ranting like a lunatic to the fans... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, advancing to the second round of the 2009 Anderson Cup competition... DETECTIVE BOSLEY and CPA... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Amped up, Bosley bumps chests repeatedly with CPA who is much cooler about the victory than his partner. Bosley demands his hand be raised in victory by the ref and continues to rant away like only he can. COLE And they're proud. They're proud of themselves, after this!? COACH Hey, they're through to the next round of the Anderson Cup. Twenty minutes ago they weren't even in the tournament, of course they're gonna be happy about winning. Shayne is attended to in the aisle by medical personel now that the match is over, still grimacing in pain at the damage done to his arm. Referee Chioda is able to get VICE out of the ring before they can do any more damage to Tyler at least. And as the guns for hire pass Shayne, Bosley can't resist shouting a few words his way just to rub it in. COLE Give me a break! Bosley celebrates boisterously at the top of the ramp, while a shaken-up Tyler drags himself down the ramp to check on his tag team partner. COLE D*LUX had such high hopes of winning the Anderson Cup and this tournament meant so much to them, it's a damn shame to see those hopes go down like this. Shayne knew he was risking injury by competing tonight but he couldn't have been expecting that sneak attack when he made his decision. COACH This would have happened sooner or later. The guy was going to wrestle with a broken wrist, he was asking for trouble! And if you're asking for trouble, VICE are happy to deal it. COLE Well D*LUX's dreams are sadly ended and VICE move on. And... well, I'm sure this is no coincidence, take a look at the brackets Coach. Tell me Theodore Moneymaker didn't see this coming when he bought off the Last Kings Of Scotland earlier on tonight. VICE to take on Tim Cash and Baron Windels in the next round! COACH Hehe... a mere coincidence, I'm sure. COLE Yeah, I'm sure. Folks, keep it on TSM for more of the 299th episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Almost historic! OAOAST HeldDOWN 300TH EPISODE LIVE FROM DODGER STADIUM IN LOS ANGELES ***FEATURING*** WRESTLER OF THE YEAR KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN COMPETING FOR THE WORLD TITLE SECOND ROUND ANDERSON CUP MATCHES RICO DE JANERIO VS LUCIUS SOUL (the 30,000th biggest match in HeldDOWN history!) AND MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE January 29th 2009 OAOAST HeldDOWN 300TH EPISODE COMMERCIAL

Over at the HeldDOWN~! interview stage it's a brief moment of quiet for Maggie Nerdly and crew. As the team work on getting the lighting prepared for their next assignment Maggie stands getting her make-up re-touched. Into this scene appears the World Heavyweight Champion Leon Rodez. And suddenly the mood gets a little tenser. Sensing this, Maggie turns around to see what's causing the frosty atmosphere all of a sudden and comes face to face with her former boyfriend. Before you know it, everyone has found a job to be getting on with, anything to get out of the way of the potential sparks. LEON Can I have a word? MAGGIE You're not on my interview schedule. LEON It's not for an interview Maggie... MAGGIE Well in that case, I'm busy. As Maggie goes to turn away Leon instinctively reaches out and grabs her shoulder to stop her. He very quickly pulls it away again, the physical contact managing to make an awkward situation even more awkward. LEON Look, I just wanted to ask your for some help. MAGGIE Oh, do I owe you a favour? My bad. I must have forgotten all about it, what with you do so much for me recently. All those good deeds kinda run together I guess. LEON Yeah, the sarcasm really works for you, I'd run with it. It's not for me, okay. Jade and Melody are still fighting over some stupid arguement they had and somebody needs to help them see sense and patch things up, because apparantly they're too stubborn to do it themselves. So I was kinda hoping that you could have a word with one of them. I'd really rather not do it all in public if we can avoid it. MAGGIE So you want me to talk to Jade? LEON ...I was kinda hoping you could talk Melody. MAGGIE Oh, yeah, that'd be kinda awkward for you, wouldn't it. Leon rolls his eyes. MAGGIE If Melody's having a fight, that's her problem. Chances are she started it anyway. If Jade wants to talk, she knows how to hit me up. Otherwise, I could care less about Melody's latest little 'flame war'. LEON You know what, maybe I shouldn't have asked. MAGGIE Maybe you shouldn't. LEON Nice talking to you. Shaking his head Leon skulks off leaving Maggie to continue with her make-up application. Meanwhile, we go elsewhere backstage, where we find D*LUX getting ready. Although it's clear from the look on Shayne's face that he's not comfortable as he grimaces putting on his jacket, a plaster cast on his left arm. A fact not lost on Tyler. TYLER Are you sure about this? It's not too late to back out. SHAYNE No. This is the Anderson Cup, man. This is what we've been working for all year and this means way too much for us to pass up. Injury or no injury, this is once a year stuff. It's now or never. I ain't backing out. TYLER Alright, let's do this. As D*LUX slap hands and leave, we're transported yet again, this time to find their opponents The Last Kings Of Scotland already on the way to the ring. The Scots are deep in tactical discussion already. But the talking suddenly stops and the Last Kings stop in their tracks. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd in the arena howl with derision as Theodore Moneymaker walks into shot. In a crisp white suit he grins that trademark grin. A couple of seconds later, we see he's not alone, backed up by his VICE squad and Inspector Nerdly. MONEYMAKER Gentlemen. Ready for your match tonight? SCOTT Aye. MONEYMAKER Good. Glad to hear it. This is a big opportunity for you, isn't it? After years in the wilderness. Your time to shine finally. BWAHAHA... Beginning to laugh, Moneymaker clears his throat and covers it up as a cough. MONEYMAKER Sorry, nasal condition. Ahem. As I was saying, it's a big opportunity. Big chance of Anderson Cup success for the winners. Perhaps TOO big for some. And I'd hate to see you two young guys choke under the pressure. Let's face it, that could be the end of you two. It'll be bye bye, back to the hills of Scotland. DANNY What are yeh gettin' at? MONEYMAKER What I'm getting at gentlemen is this. You beat D*LUX at less than a 100% and you go down as a fluke. You lose and you might as well pack your bags. So I'm asking you to name your price to avoid that happening. What do you say, 3,000 each, American? The Last Kings look at each other in confusion as they watch Moneymaker reach into the breast pocket of his suit and casually flick through a wad of bills in his leather wallet. Nothing but small change to Moneymaker but possibly more money than the Scots have seen in their life. MONEYMAKER Yes? No? SCOTT We're interested. Just what are yeh askin' from us exactly? MONEYMAKER Simple. Forfeit your place in the Anderson Cup to my friends here. The Scots look at each other shocked as Bosley smiles. DANNY Woah woah, hang on there fellah, we thought yeh meant bustin' the blonde laddie's arm up or somethin', but this, I... MONEYMAKER Okay, 5000 each. The two Scots look at each other again, with Bosley eagerly trying to get them to take the money with his eyeballs alone. They make a few motions to each other before turning back to the Enterprise trio. SCOTT Make it ten a-piece. MONEYMAKER HAHAHA! A couple of shrewd negotiators, I never would have thought it. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure doing business with you both. Use it wisely. After flicking out a few more bills in casual fashion, Moneymaker hands over the cash and shakes hands with the two. CPA nods to himself, with Bosley practically bounding on the balls of his heels in excitement. MONEYMAKER Come on gentlemen, we best get ready. BOSLEY YEAH! YUH~! Bosley pounds his chest as the threesome turn and leave. Left looking at their cash, The Last Kings Of Scotland still look like the situation hasn't sunk in yet, stunned at the lucrative deal they just pulled. COLE Are... are you kidding me!? Are you telling me that now D*LUX have to take on CPA and Bosley instead of the Last Kings Of Scotland!? Is this all above board!? COACH Hey, money talks and it just spoke loud and clear to those boys. That's a year's wages right there! COLE I am stunned. Absolutely stunned. We've seen Theodore Moneymaker using his financial backing to buy seedings from other teams before. But never outright spots in the tournament! Who says there's a recession in the world? COACH Wanna know the best thing? The exchange rate stinks, so he would have had to pay double that this time last year. Poor ass Scots! COLE Theodore Moneymaker using his money to get what he wants again, you know this is exactly what Zack Malibu has been talking about. Moneymaker wants to make the OAOAST his own personal billionaire's playtoy and he's just succeeded in doing it with the Anderson Cup, one of the proudest competitions in the OAOAST. Unbelievable. COMMERCIAL