Patty O'Green

~~FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE YEAR~~ JADE WINS THE WOMENS' TITLE JADE Thank you. This is really awesome, thanks. Jade starts to leave the stage. ALIX SPEECH! JADE That was my speech. ALIX BETTER SPEECH! JADE Oh... I, well... uhm... I'm happy to have won the Women's Title. And I'm happy to still be the Women's Champion. It means a lot. Beating Malaysia meant a lot, because I worked really really really hard to do it. So even when I lose the title, I'll still have this award to remind me of that moment... as well as, you know, my actual memory... which is neat. It just goes to show that hard work pays off. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Eventually you might get what you want. Like me. Thanks. ALIX LESS SENTIMENTAL! ~FREE TV MATCH OF THE YEAR~ 5-Man Prism Elimination Match For The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship: Tha Puerto Rican (Champion) vs. Alfdogg (Challenger) vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix (Challenger) vs. Brickston (Challenger) vs. Bohemoth (Challenger) (Halloween Spectacular) THA PUERTO RICAN Wow. Haha! I win again! That has never happened before! Truly, this is my best year ever! Um, what more can I say? Thank you to the fans who voted! Thank you to my opponents! Thank you to the OAOAST for sanctioning this match! And um, that’s it, I guess. It felt really REALLY good to win this match, I gotta say! AND beating you guys to do it made it even sweeter! Ha! Ha! Thank you! ~~FACE OF THE YEAR~~ ZACK MALIBU!!!!

~~ENTERTAINING CHARACTERS OF THE YEAR~~ DUNCAN GIRLS JADE Hey thanks! Back again. I don't know if I'm entertaining or not. I'm just a normal girl from Grand Rapids that gets mixed up in a lot of crazy situations with my much more entertaining realtives. But Melody tells me classic sitcom formula requires a straight man. And I am a straight man. That doesn't sound right. It sounds almost weird. Why can't I be a straight woman? Doesn't gender equality extend to sitcom theory? And why do I have to be anything? I like to cut lose as much as Alix, I can crack jokes as much as my mom. How many lives does a radioactive cat have? Give up? Um...I forgot the punchline. I think it was 7. 7 is a funny number. Um, Alix is making motions to get off the stage. Aaaaaand....she's picking up a tomato. Aaaaand....*SPLAT* she threw it at Synth, thinking it was me. That says something about both myself and Synth. Well again the Duncan family thanks you! ~~DICK MOVE OF THE YEAR~~ MISTER DICK JERKS OFF ON BARON AND WRITES A SONG ABOUT IT! “Real American Dick” hits and the Human Hard On rushes onstage to accept his award, shocking the audience with his reappearance -- towel around waist and wearing a leash/ball gag. MR. DICK MFHFFIMFFQUMMITMMFF! “WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!” MR. DICK MFHFFIMFFQUMMITMMFF!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” MR. DICK MD then realizes the problem and promptly removes the gag ball, then goes on without missing a beat. MR. DICK You love me! You really love…to hate me! And that’s mighty fine ‘cause I take great pride in this award, Dick Move of the Year. I mean it’s practically named after me! Although I can’t forget the people who helped me get to where I’m at. People such as Big Daddy Dick and Mama Vag for creating this gift to women the world over. But most importantly Baron Windels. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BW looks on intently full well knowing this can’t lead anywhere good. MR. DICK Without him television misses out on one of its most memorable moments. Don’t feel too bad BW. You’re the envy of women everywhere. Do you know how many of them would kill to be in the position you were? BARON MR. DICK In closing, which women never do when Mr. Dick’s around, 2009 will be the year I shoot to the top and become OAOAST Champion. After all I’ve already proven nobody can handle The Dick. ~~STABLE OF THE YEAR~~ DEADLY ALLIANCE ~ENTERTAINING SEGMENT OF THE YEAR~ -IN CROWD IMPERSONATES THE ENTERPRISE-

~~TITLE REIGN OF THE YEAR~~ PRL'S WORLD TITLE REIGN and JERME GREY'S IC TITLE WIN "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican comes out, causing the crowd to cheer louder than before. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican is wearing an white dress shirt, a gold chain around his neck, an earring in his left ear, a black sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. He receives his trophy from (Insert Name Here, Patty!) and then raises it to the crowd’s delight. PRL then stands in front of the podium and then raises the trophy into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity”. PRL smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN WOOOO! ALL RIGHT! LET’S DO THIS! “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN HA! HA! GOOD TO BE BACK, BABY! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. He then chuckles. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh man! Oh man! Wow! Wow! What a difference a year makes, huh? I mean, last year, at this time, I was flat on my back getting my ass kicked by 9 people who I called my friends. Now this year, I stand before you a FORMER One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Really, this has been a phenomenal year. I mean, 2008 was a huge, historic year for a lot of people. Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin, the New York Giants, that dude who used to be a girl who had a baby. But, I think we can all agree that nobody had a huger, more historic year than Tha Puerto Rican! Am I rite, people!? The crowd cheers loudly! THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah. That’s right. I did it. I did what nobody thought I could do. They thought that I was a ‘choke artist‘. They thought that I couldn’t cut it. They thought that I wasn’t good enough. But on March 30, 2008, I PROVED EVERYBODY WRONG! Because at the end of AngleMania VII, at the end of the biggest show of the year, in front of over 100,000 people in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California, I stood tall finally, FINALLY FINALLY raising the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN And I STILL WASN’T DONE YET! Because, for the majority of 2008, I held that Title and defended it, SUCCESSFULLY I might add, against any and all comers. Whether it was two men who had a love-hate relationship with each other, a 6’7” 285 pound giant of a man who wanted to cripple me, a spazzoid who can afford everything EXCEPT dance lessons apparently, his life partner who has a fetish for breaking ankles, an OAOAST Original clinging onto the past, or a bohemoth who is way too cool for school, they all fell to ME! The crowd cheers. The camera cuts to Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix who whispers something to Megan Skye, and then to Alfdogg who just rolls his eyes. THA PUERTO RICAN And I will give props where props are due. Leon Rodez did what no one else could. He DID beat me 1-2-3 to dethrone me. The crowd cheers, although there are some scatter boos too. The camera cuts to Leon Rodez, who nods his head, a grin on his face. THA PUERTO RICAN But this isn’t Leon’s TV time. This is mine! SOOOO, let’s get back to the subject at hand! Ahem. I’d like to thank my mother. My father. My brother. My 3 sisters. My cousins (except The Bone Thug). My many aunts and uncles. My grandmother on my mother’s side. My grandmother on my father’s side. My other grandmother (step-grandmother?) on my father’s side. My grandfather on my mother’s side. My grandfather on my father’s side who is no longer with us, but I know that he was watching me this year from above! Love you Grandpa! Colombian Heat, for standing by me through everything. Continue recovering, boy. We’ll see you soon! All of my opponents for BRINGING IT~! in every match. The backstage workers in the One And Only AngleSault Thread for making me look my best every single week. And last…but CERTAINLY NOT LEAST…The People. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, that’s right! The People! You! The Lightning Bolts! The Lightning Bolts who have watched me every week in the arenas and on television! The Lightning Bolts who chanted my name every night in every arena across the world! The Lightning Bolts who believed in me and had faith in me even when the chips were down! Even when my back was against the wall! Even when I was the underdog, you were with me and never turned away! Words cannot describe how much your support meant to me this whole year! From Anglepalooza to November Reign! When I fought, you were there with me! I have nothing but LOVE and APPRECIATION for all of you Lightning Bolts! This award is as much yours as it is mine, but I get to go home with it! Sorry! The fans laugh. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican “smells the electricity” again. He then smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN Ha ha! You know that I won one of these things last year? But I forgot where I put it. I think Lindsay Gonzalez must have thrown it out while she was moving out of my place. Oh well, I like THIS award much better because I actually WON the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship this year unlike the year before! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN Heh heh. Oh. 2008 was the greatest year of my entire career. 2008 was the greatest year of my entire LIFE! BUT, I will not rest on my laurels! I will NOT be a one year wonder! My good streak WILL continue into 2009! I will end this decade on top! The PRL Era WILL INFACT RESUME in the new year! Because Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he WILL return to the One And Only AngleSault Thread 100% healthy and ready to go! The bicep IS healing, and when the time is right, I will be BACK right in the ring laying the smackdown on some roody poo… “CANDY ASSES!” THA PUERTO RICAN And I think that I see my first target right now! The camera cuts to Mr. Dick sitting next to Malaysia Nerdly. The fans know exactly who Tha Puerto Rican is talking about, and boo accordingly. Mr. Dick has a cocky smirk on his face, wearing his eyeglasses tonight. Malaysia strokes Mr. Dick’s right arm while staring at Tha Puerto Rican with a cocky smirk of her own. THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, that’s right. Don’t think that I haven’t forgotten, Dick! I never forget! I WILL hit a man with glasses! Mr. Dick makes the “Yak, yak, yak” hand gesture. He mouths, “You’re all talk! You ain’t shit! You ain’t nothing!” Malaysia scowls at PRL as she continues stroking Mr. Dick’s right arm. THA PUERTO RICAN Watch yourself, Mr. Dick! Storm clouds are in your future. Watch out for the lightning strikes! ANYWAY, enough of that asshole! Let’s bring this on home! Mr. Dick, Know Your Role, Shut Your Mouth, and listen up! Tha Puerto Rican is NOT retiring! Tha Puerto Rican WILL RETURN! And Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he will, come Hell or high water, become One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion…again! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs the microphone from the podium. He bends down, tilts his head back and then brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing again. Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. He smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN Thank you very much! Tha Puerto Rican places the microphone back onto the podium. He then grabs his trophy and raises it in victory. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL blows the fans a kiss and then waves bye to them. Tha Puerto Rican exits the stage as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. ~~FEMALE PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR~~ KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN As a favor to Melody, Krista allows her l33t speaking robot onto the stage to give the speech for her. Bad idea as halfway towards the stage, it sees Terry Taylor as a hostile enemy and douses his toupe in flames. Terry Taylor runs screaming all over the place until Zack Malibu mercifully puts him out with a school's out. Unfortunatley that SO sends Terry crashing through Meody's table, causing the robot to once again see Terry as an enemy. While the robot prepares to ass rape Terry, Krista quitley grabs her award and scuttles off stage. Melody pleads with the audience not to let this be the decding factor against employing robot presenters at wrestling award shows. ~~MANAGER OF THE YEAR~~ MOLLY NERDLY MOLLY This is an honor, I can not believe I was lucky enough to receive. I only started out a lowly intern, working not even for pennies and here I have crawled to the top of the managerial ranks and won myself an Angle Award. Unanimously at that! One day I hope to be on a similar stage receiving an Oscar or an Emmy. ALIX Or an AVN Award, you hot sexy bitch, you! LEON Been there done that. All a popularity contest. MOLLY Who's more popular than the only Nerdly you can tell apart from the others *tosses brown hair* Thanks once again for making my dream come true. DOWN AZZ NIGGA OF THE YEAR THEODORE MONEYMAKER “Sympathy for the Devil” cues up, but instead of Theodore Moneymaker we get Lorelai DeCenzo and CPA. The Billion Dollar Heir’s certified personal ass-kicker in possession of a HALLIBURTON BRIEFCASE. LORELAI Ahem. Due to security concerns Theodore Moneymaker is unable to be here. Therefore I accept this award on his behalf and warn the at-large perpetrator of serious consequences if Mr. Moneymaker‘s property isn‘t return in pristine condition. That is all. To ensure Angle stays in their possession it’s placed in the care of CPA and the Halliburton briefcase. PPV MATCH OF THE YEAR Zack Malibu Vs Bohemoth Anglemania

Would've been if I wasn't laid up. Damn, of all the days to get hella sick and miss everything....Yo, congrats, fam! I know you've been looking for that special one for sometime, so major props to you for finding her. That's awesome! PM definitely forthcoming.

MARV My New Years Resolution...man, its too party my ass off, score as many hot chicks as I can, and get the tag titles back over shoulder of my and my brother from the same mother. MEL MEL YEAH! ------ UNO The only News Years Resolution Dos and I have made is what our night mother has given us; to spread the black hand's cancer through the OAOAST, and to bring a crippling death blow of hatred, misery and suffering to anyone who doesn't give their undivided loyalty to our queen of the damned. ------ SPENCER REIGER Do you know what my New Year's Resolution is? To take a gigantic wad of spit and hurl right at the camera *SPIT* Mission accomplished. Who says no one ever keeps their resolutions? ------ TIM CASH The New Years Resolution I've made is a promise to our great fans to continue fighting to bring back honor, sportsmanship, integrity and class to the OAOAST. Times may seem tough and the outlook may be bleak around here. But you can count on me to always work for the side of good!

Remember no HD next week because its the NYS!!! And also remember, send me your damn AA speeches!!!!

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is set for one fall! "We're running with the shadows of the night So baby take my hand, we'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end." The crowd rise to the sounds of "Shadows Of The Night" by Pat Benetar, unfortunately without the respect it truly deserves. Instead there's boos, boos aimed at Landon Maddix as he walks out with arms extended as if expecting better. Landon does a quick twirl showing off his sleeveless trenchcoat then heads for the ring with Megan in tow as ever. BUFFER Introducing first. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE! From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain and weighing two hundred, eight pounds... he is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional... LLAAAAANNDDOOOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMAAAAAAADDIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon swings himself in over the top rope and extends his arms again, defiant in the face of boos. COLE HeldDOWN~! to close out 2008 with Landon Maddix, a man who's had a decidedly mixed year. His Cucaracha Internacional group have seen plenty of ups and more than their fair share of downs in the past 12 months as the groups conflict has intensified in the OAOAST. Now Cucaracha Internacional, more specifically the 6-Man Champions Black, Blonde and Faqu have found themselves tangled up with Team Heyross and Brock Ausstin. And ahead of the 6-Man Title defence at the New Year's Spectacular, Landon will want to end 2008 on a high and give his crew some momentum going into 2009 by picking off the powerhouse of the team. COACH Leave it to Landon to lead by example. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." As "Punishment" by Biohazard hits, into the smoke filled haze in the entrance way appears Brock Ausstin. Brock hops back and forth for a few seconds before suddenly coming to life and marching to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent. From Victoria, Minnesota... weighing two hundred, ninety pounds... BBRRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKK... AAUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Pyro BLASTS from all 4 ring posts as Brock leaps onto the ring apron from the arena floor, sending Landon bailing. COLE WOAH! Brock stands in the centre of the ring doing his Happy Happy Hoss Dance, eyes wisely directed at Landon at all times. Pacing the floor Landon looks focused and has a quick conference with Megan before climbing back to the apron. He waves Brock off and adjusts his elbowpads. COLE Here we go with what is to the best of my knowledge a first-time ever one on one meeting. The powerhouse from Minnesota, Brock Ausstin, with perhaps his biggest match since returning from injury a couple of months ago, taking on the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, who are in Brock's sights this New Year. Landon cautiously enters the ring, making sure the referee has Brock backed off. After stretching out on the ropes Landon's ready to go, while Brock was, as the cliché goes, born ready. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And we are underway with our final match of 2008. Sizing Brock up Landon circles around the ring looking for an opening. When one doesn't present itself he finds himself penned in a corner and quickly ducks through the ropes with Brock closing in on him. Boos predictably enough sound out as Landon waits for Brock to be backed away again. When Landon emerges from the ropes Brock strides his way again, but gets caught and spun against the turnbuckles. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Knifedge chop lands, but Brock simply absorbs it and stalks Landon out of the corner. Backing away Landon finds himself being cornered again and is again forced to bail, this time all the way to the floor. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Maddix, cautious to say the least. COACH Nothing wrong with that. You're not going to beat Brock in ten seconds, you've gotta take your time, pick your spots. Sooner or later he'll make a mistake and that's when you step in. COLE A very articulate thought from Johnathan Coachman in 2008. You just made under the wire, congratulations! Landon's percieved stalling doesn't go down well with the crowd and he's ridden by them as he paces the outside. Even his protests of "Have you seen how big this guy is!?" don't buy him any leeway. Finally Landon re-enters the ring and the two circle again. They lock up and Brock struggles free to take one arm, hurling Landon across the ring with an irish whip. Landon hangs onto the ropes and stops himself, waiting for Brock to charge him before again exiting the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The fans get on Landon's case but it's clear he has a plan this time. As Brock argues with the referee while he's backed off, Landon zips around the ringpost and jumps to the ring apron, looking to catch Brock on his blindside. But as he leaps in over the top rope Brock spots him and catches Landon on the way in with a boot to the gut! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nice idea but Brock was onto it. With Landon hobbling away, Brock follows him and shoves him into a corner. Shoulder thrusts find their way into La Cucaracha's midsection, four of them, each one lifting Landon up off his feet. Brock grabs the arm and whips Landon corner to corner, following in with a running shoulder thrust. The air rushes out of Landon's lungs and he stays wedged between the top and middle turnbuckles as Brock lines up again. Charging, he drives the shoulder in yet again on Maddix. Holding his midsection Landon stumbles out of the corner and gets hoisted with a high BAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE What power from Brock Ausstin! To his knees, Landon tries to beg off. Brock is having none of it and lifts Landon to his feet, then sends him to the corner. This time though Maddix is ready for the charge and gets a foot up in the face to block. Climbing the ropes, Landon comes off the second... and gets CAUGHT! COLE And again! COACH See, slowly slowly. This is just playing into his hands... literally. Brock shifts Landon up onto his shoulders and the crowd rise to their feet. But it's too early just yet, Brock instead throwing Landon forward and down across a knee with a gutbuster. Cover... 1... 2... No! With Megan helpfully urging him to 'get it together', Landon rolls all the way to the corner and picks himself up. Another shoulder thrust gets buried in though. And another. Irish whip then sends Landon corner to corner. Landon tries to go up and over, but Brock catches hold of his legs and shoves him over the top rope. Landing on the apron Landon goes for a right hand, but it gets blocked. Brock fires back, then threads his shoulder through the ropes... only to connect with Landon's knee. Breathing a sigh of relief Landon can finally afford to smile. That is until he tries a legdrop and Brock sneaks back inside, causing his tailbone to jam into the ring apron! COACH Oooh! Not cool. Very carefully picking himself up, Landon is bowled straight back down with a clothesline sending him to the arena floor! COLE Down goes La Cucaracha, all the way down infact. This is not the kind of example Landon wants to be leading for his 6-Man Tag Champions whatsoever. It is all Brock Ausstin so far. COACH So far. Just wait until the plan kicks in, then we'll see what's what. Impatient, Brock leaves the ring and throws Maddix back inside determined not to give him chance to rest. Brock quickly whips Landon off the ropes and PRESSES him up into the lights, watching as he falls back to earth with a thud face-first!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Man oh man! Landon must have been eight feet in the air! Cover by Brock... 1... 2... No! Brock backs into a corner, waiting for Landon to stagger his way back up. Once he does Brock comes charging and delivers a clothesline. Bouncing back to his feet, Landon is knocked down with a second clothesline. His wobbly legs then carry him into a third clothesline and Brock roars in approval, as do the crowd. COLE If Landon's got such a great plan then now might be the time to use it, don't you think? COACH In time. COLE At this rate Landon's not going to have much time left! Woozy Landon falls into a corner and allows the turnbuckles to take the strain and hold him upright. Brock comes charging from the opposite side and lunges with his shoulder... *CLUNK!* ...BUT THIS TIME MEETS SOLID STEEL!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH See! I told you he had a plan, I told you all along, he's always got a plan, even in the direst situation when even I start doubting if Landon's got a clue let alone a plan, it's there, waiting. COLE I dunno, it looked as if Landon just fell out of the way, which wouldn't be much of a plan. I'll give the benefit of the doubt though. Peeled off the ringpost Brock is turned around... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chopped across the chest. Landon takes a second to work some kinks in his back before running Brock face-first into the turnbuckles. A combination of kicks then chop Brock down into a seated position against the bottom turnbuckle, where Landon places a foot in the throat and applies a choke. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Breaking, Landon doesn't want the full five count anyway as he needs to attend to his aching ribs some more. COACH This is leading by example. Never give up, keep on fighting, work your opponent into a mistake. I hope the rest of Cucaracha Internacional are watching because Landon's giving them life lessons to live by right now. COLE Oh, I'm sure James Blonde is watching, if no-one else. You know he spent all day listening to Landon's Christmas CD, "A Cucaracha Christmas", in their locker room? COACH And why not? It's a great soundtrack to the season, available on Landon's MySpace page for anyone interested. COLE Or as Christmas presents to Landon's closest friends. Which isn't at all self-absorbed. Once Brock is back up Landon forgets about the ribs and charges, delivering a leaping forearm smash in the corner. Hitting the ropes, Landon follows up with a dropkick that sends Brock bouncing backwards into the turnbuckles again. As Brock comes out, Landon is waiting, this time with a Dropsault that's picture-perfect as usual and is enough to take Brock off of his feet. That's a feat in itself for Landon who punches the air triumphantly as he makes a cover... 1... Brock THROWS Landon off of him, to much embarrassment for La Cucaracha. COLE There's kickouts and then there's kickouts. That was the latter. Looking to save some face Landon quickly jumps on Brock and chokes him until the referee forces him off. Landon drops a quick knee, then positions himself on the second rope waiting for Ausstin to get back up. When the bigman does Landon leaves his perch and connects with his trusty forearm again sending Brock backpedalling. COLE Flying forearm off the second. That eighty something pound weight difference may not seem a lot, but it's forcing Landon into some improvisation to try and get extra force behind everything in the hopes of putting Brock down. Down on one knee in the corner, Brock is caught napping by Landon as he lands a leaping dropkick to the side of the head, sending Brock's head into the bottom turnbuckle! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Landon quickly covers... 1... 2... No! Flicking his hair, Landon stomps at Brock a couple of times while he plans his next move. Brock is back up and Landon delivers a back elbow, then comes off the ropes. Landon again looks for that extra force by leaving his feet on a forearm... but he lands right in Brock's arms and goes SOARING courtesy of an Overhead Belly To Belly Suplex!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That quick, Brock turns the tide with one devestating pop of the hips! And now both men are down. COACH Come on Landon, your troops are counting on you. Both men are down for a count of '4', before Brock gives a shake of the head and stands back up. Landon isn't far behind, but is worse for wear and walks right into a clothesline! A second clothesline! And a third clothesline! Dazed, Maddix staggers... ...but has presence of mind to LOWBRIDGE Brock, pulling the top rope down on his fourth clothesline attempt! Brock goes flying up over the top, ending up heaped against the announce table as Landon lies relieved in the ring. COACH There we go. COLE I can almost hear Blonde's applause from here. Again both men buy themselves some breathing time before starting to get to their feet. Landon is up first and seeing where Brock is, he shoos the referee out of his way. Hitting the ropes, Landon then builds up a head of steam as Brock picks himself up on the floor. As he turns towards the ring Brock is unawares and gets clattered back into the announce table a second time as Maddix flings himself through the middle and bottom ropes with his Topé Especial!!! COLE Landon Maddix taking a risk! And what great impact that dive must have generated, to drive the 290 pound Brock Ausstin backwards like that! Maddix is up first and rolls back inside, soaking up the appreciation, of which there is a little. Begrudgingly. COLE The former World Champion starting to feel a little more like his former self. Rolling back outside, Landon heaves Brock back inside. With a thumbs up to Megan he follows in, waiting for Brock to get back up before firing off a kick. A second kick connects to the back of the knee. Brock goes down, but reaches out and shoves Landon away before he can do more damage. Coming right back Landon goes to the ribs with a kick. And again. Then back to the knee. Brock again palms Landon off, but on one knee he gets caught... *SMACK!* ...WITH A SUPERKICK TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!! COLE Oh, what a kick! Could have knocked Brock out! Bundling Brock onto his shoulders Landon hooks the leg quickly... 1... 2... NO! Maddix questions the count before getting back to his feet. Once Brock is up, Landon goes back on the attack with another kick. And another. Sensing Brock is unsteady he then goes high, connecting with a leaping knee, again to the side of the head. Brock stays on his feet so Landon pounces, locking on a front guillotine choke and looking to take his larger opponent down to the mat. COLE And now Landon just trying to choke Brock out, but does he have enough to put the bigman out? COACH I don't care how big you are, if you can't breathe then you're going down. After a few seconds in the hold Brock drops and finds himself on all fours. COACH He's down and now he's going out. Landon nods his head confidently as Brock fades in the choke. But his confidence is misplaced as when the referee goes to check the arms they don't even drop once. With Brock powering up the crowd get behind him, worrying Landon as it gives Brock the power to get his feet under him. Brock then starts to stand, lifting Landon up off the mat with the choke still applied! COLE OH NO HE'S NOT! LANDON Despite his best efforts Landon is lifted into Brock's arms and rammed back-first into the turnbuckles! The choke begins to slip and Brock turns into the centre of the ring, throwing Landon forwards. Landon manages to land on his feet, but it pays no reward as he runs into a jumping boot that damn near turns him inside out!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" With an intense look on his face Brock lifts Landon to his feet and hooks him up, lifting him for a vertical suplex... before dropping him stomach first across the top rope!! COLE A big flurry of offence, that could do it. Brock makes the cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE Only two, but Brock is building momentum now. What a win this could prove to be over the former World Champion, not just for Brock's 6-Man Title hopes but his hopes for singles gold in the future. COACH There you go counting Landon out again, counting Cucaracha Internacional out again. You keep knocking them and who knows, maybe someday you'll be right. But you haven't been yet. Brock lies in wait, scooping Maddix up onto his shoulders for the F-STUNNER-5... ...NO! Landon escapes after a couple of quick elbows, then attacks the right knee with kicks. After chopping Brock down to size, Landon hits the ropes. But on the rebound he gets picked up in a GORILLA PRESS and slammed to the canvas! Clutching his back Landon picks himself quickly back up, with Brock stalking him. He charges across the ring... but Landon sidesteps and guides Brock into a collision with the turnbuckles! COACH That's the thing with Brock, plenty of mass except between those two ears of his. Always liable to make a mistake. COLE Are you calling him dumb? COACH If I have to answer that, maybe I should be calling you dumb. As Brock comes out of the corner it's Landon who's laying in wait and he turns Brock around, scooping him up onto his shoul... ...okay, maybe not. COLE Landon looking for the GTS, if he thinks he's going to get Brock up for that, maybe you should be calling him dumb. After two fruitless attempts at the lift Landon ends up damaging his back again and is forced to back away. Quick as a flash, Brock pulls him in by the wrist and up onto the shoulders with ease, for the F-STUNNER-5... ...NO! Landon slips out the back AND DELIVERS A LUNGBLOWER! COACH What a counter! Cover by Landon... 1... 2... NO! COLE But not enough to put Brock Ausstin away! Landon is back up quickly, pulling Brock up in a front facelock. He turns into a 3/4 facelock, but Brock gives him a shove in the back to counter whatever it was he had in mind. Coming back off the ropes, Landon ducks underneath a clothesline. Landon then leaps at Brock off the other side, landing with his knees on Brock's thighs. Hooking the head La Cucaracha pushes off, looking for the Thesz Plant, only for Brock to turn to the side and guide Landon down across his knee with a gutbuster! "OOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Brock then picks Landon right up off the knee and turns him around with a DOCTOR BOMB!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... COLE GOT HIM! NO, KICKOUT! Megan breathes a sigh of relief on seeing Landon kick out, saving her from having to put up with more of his moaning. For now, at least. COLE Oh, so desperately close! Brock thought he had the three off of that sitout powerbomb and so did many of this crowd! What a match to close out 2008 in the OAOAST! COACH No doubt. Brock leads Landon back to his feet, looking to go for the kill when all of a sudden JAMES BLONDE jogs to the ring to lend some encouragement to his mentor. COLE Oh come on, get this sycophant out of here already! The distraction allows Landon to surprise Brock with a Jawbreaker! COLE Just as we were talking about what a great match this is, here comes James Blonde to ruin it. What an ass this guy is! COACH Now was that called for? All he's doing is lending his support to Landon, letting him know he believes in him. COLE Oh I'm sure that just warms his heart to know that. Gimme a break! With Brock momentarily stunned, Landon goes back to the second rope. Waving Brock his way, he takes off with a Front Dropkick... NO! Brock catches the feet on the way down, the back of Landon's head bumping off the canvas! Turning himself around, Brock then launches Landon back into the turnbuckles with a slingshot! Landon's head bounces off the top turnbuckle and Brock looks set for the finish, waiting for him to stagger back off the buckles. But, unwilling to see that happen, James Blonde reaches into the ring and grabs a bearhug around Landon's waist to save him from his fate! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh come on already! This goes so far beyond verbal support it's not even funny! COACH Not even if I make an oral support joke? Not that that's what's going on, I mean... you know... With the referee unable to prise him off of Landon, Brock chases Blonde off the apron and threatens to go out after him. Caught in between going out and staying in, Brock wishes he'd done either as Landon takes advantage of the referee's distraction and pulls up on the middle ring rope, crotching Ausstin in the process! COACH HERE COMES THE GROIN PAIN! Brock hobbles off the ropes and into a roll-up by Landon... COLE You've got to be kidding me. Don't tell me this is how 2008 is going to end! 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Blonde holds his head in his hands... and then hits the deck, as TEAM HEYROSS rush out to even the odds!! COLE Alright, get that annoying jackass out of here! As Benjamin and Moss put the boots to Blonde, it doesn't take long for FAQU to stomp his way to the ring in back-up for his friend. Team Heyross see him coming though and are there to meet him at the foot of the ramp. Meanwhile, with the fight continuing on the floor, Landon lines up Brock on one knee, aiming another low-flying Superkick at his head... ...but Brock ducks AND CATCHES LANDON ON HIS SHOULDERS, DELIVERING THE F-STUNNER-5~!!~1!1!!11~! OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! COLE F-STUNNER-5!!! HE HITS IT!!! 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE AND THAT'S THREE! James Blonde is seconds late on the save and just has time to put his head in his hands again, before Quentin Benjamin grabs his ankle from the outside and pulls him to the floor, decking him with a right hand! Team Heyross quickly roll into the ring and Faqu goes to follow, but with Benjamin, Moss and Brock all waiting on him, Blonde is quick to grab his Samoan buddy by the ankle and prevent him from getting involved. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BBBRRRRRRROOOOOOOCCKK... AAAAUUUUUUUSSSSSSSTTIIIIIIINN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Brock Ausstin scores the victory, despite the best efforts of James Blonde to ruin it all. And it's a very unmerry Cucarachamas in store for Landon and co.! As Landon's lifeless body is pulled from the ring, Blonde continues to try and convince Faqu to retreat. Brock, Benjamin and Moss are all ready to go but Blonde's having none of it and is able to get Faqu under control, as Brock's hand is raised in victory once again. Landon is dragged by Megan, Blonde acting is if he's being presented with his corpse let alone the kinda woozy state he's actually in. Putting Faqu to better use, Blonde dumps Landon over the Samoan's shoulder and Faqu carries Landon to the back in unceremonious circumstances, while Brock and Team Heyross stand tall in the ring for the fans. COLE Well that's about all we've got time for here in 2008! Don't forget, the New Year's Spectacular featuring Leon Rodez's World Title Homecoming, the start of the Anderson Cup and plenty more besides... and then, we will be back on HeldDOWN, January 8th in Providence. Until then, we wish you Happy Holidays of whatever creed and colour and a Happy New Year to everybody, except I guess the Chinese... if only we all worshipped one God, life'd be so much easier... goodnight everyone! -FADE OUT- SEE YOU IN 2009

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- Sofa Central looks like a miniature flea market, overran by festive decor. Snow globes litter the desk, tinsel trees stand tall beyond the announcers, a pint sized polar express train set circles the entire area and menorrahs burn brightly. COLE Happy Holiday season ladies and gentlemen from our family to your’s! We appreciate you joining us to celebrate the season, and we promise you the gift of an excellent HeldDOWN~! Coach, what kind of amazing displays of athleticism will we see tonight? COACH Why would anyone care? Go to hell and I hope your mother dies. COLE I hope your entire fam...Hey, wait, is that sleigh bells I hear? COACH No, that's just my phone ringing... COLE (teeth gritted) No, Coach, I'm pretty certain I hear sleigh bells. Everyone in Indianapolis is in the festive spirit already, but their spirits are cheering even more for the arrival of SANTA! Oh yes, the unmistakeable red suit and hat, the full white beard, the sack full of presents, it's him alright. Jolly ol' Saint Nick looks to have lost a few pounds though, in much better shape than is usually portrayed in the never-ending commercials (seriously, it's been Christmas for about nine weeks now, hasn't it? Enough already.) as he heads down the aisle. And a much more exuberant and youthful smile creeps through those white whiskers as he waves to the crowd. Reaching into his sack, 'Santa' starts to distribute presents, taking special time to shake hands with the adults and bring extra smiles to the children. COLE Hey! That's Tim Cash! What do you know, it's Father Cashmas! COACH More like Father Dumbass. Christmas was yesterday, simp. COLE It's never too late to be in the giving mood, Coach! Cash continues his curcuit around the ring in full Santa get-up, handing out the knockdown OAOAST merchandise stock that failed to sell this Christmas to the grateful Indianapolis fans. Even Coach and Cole get in on the act, as Cash hands them each a present. Cole is more than happy to shake the hand of The Nicest Guy In Pro Sports, but Coach is too busy turning his nose up at the 2005 GPX t-shirt he's recieved. Warm waves for all are given once all the presents are gone, Cash entering the ring and shaking hands with the referee, Michael Buffer and his opponent for the night. COLE We're set for another Tim Cash Gentleman's Athletic Competition by the looks of things. And as Tim gets rid of the Santa get-up we want to remind you all to join us on New Year's Day for the New Year's Spectacular! The first event of 2009, with the World Champion's homecoming, the start of the Anderson Cup and much more besides! Beard and suit are off and Cash is down to his wrestling attire. COLE And in the ring, young Broderick Bailey ready to take on this Athletic Competition. Referee Charles Robinson on strict lookout for any breaking of the rules and all strikes on a grounded opponent are prohibited. *DINGDINGDING!* Cash and Bailey shake hands before circling, as you'd expect. They lock-up and Cash quickly applies a side headlock, taking Bailey to the mat. Bailey kicks his legs up looking for a headscissors but Tim shrugs him off and sinches up on the headlock. Taking a new tactic, Bailey turns Cash over onto his shoulders... 1... 2... No. Righting himself Cash sinches the headlock once more. Broddy rocks him back over though... 1... 2... No. So nice is Tim he actually double-checks with the referee that his shoulder got up in time, incase his opponent is getting a poor decision. Once Robinson assures him he's okay, Cash climbs back to his feet. Taking a wrist he steps out of the headlock and exchanges it for an overhand wristlock. Broderick fights against it but Cash's pressure pays and he's soon going down, forced into a bridge to keep his shoulders off the mat. COLE Nice display of neck-strength from this youngster. COACH Yeah yeah. Marvelous. COLE Coach... are you playing games on your cellphone!? COACH Yup, Christmas present from my Mom. Melody hooked me up with all tons of crap on this thing. Look look, watch me shoot this zombie right in the kisser... COLE GIMME THAT! Cash shuffles his feet and knocks down the bridge... 1... 2... Bridge up. Looking impressed Cash nods his head, all while hanging onto the wristlock. Cash is still in control though and knocks the bridge out again, this time dropping to the mat and applying a keylock on the arm. COACH Can I have my phone back now. COLE It's been seven seconds and you're supposed to be calling this match. COACH I know. I'd really prefer the cellphone. Bailey rolls backwards and to his feet, Cash clinging onto the arm but losing grip. A knee from Bailey frees him and a quick kneelift puts Cash on his back. With Tim down Bailey instinctively raises his foot looking to lower the boom with a stomp but referee Robinson is alert and jumps in to stop him. For a second Bailey looks a little confused, but once the rules are explained to him he backs off and instead grabs a front facelock. Cash spins right out though, re-applying his keylock on the arm. COLE Great escape by Tim Cash, well appreciated by these fans if not by my broadcast partner. Cash puts the pressure on the arm, referee Robinson looking for the submission. The crowd's attention begins to wander though, not neccessarily through boredom, but because in the aisle SPENCER REIGER has suddenly made an appearance! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Unbeknownest to those in the ring, Reiger walks around ringside wearing a New York Giants santa hat and carrying his own sack of gifts. COLE What on earth is this? COACH It's Spencer Claus! Oh god did I really just say that? I feel so dirty. As Cash alters the keylock in a hammerlock and bridges over to apply more pressure, Reiger finds a young fan he deems worthy of a present. "Have you been a good boy this year" he asks the kid, who nods earnestly. Spencer is about to walk off for that reason alone, but decides to give him the present anyway. Urged to go ahead and open it, the kid quickly tears the wrapping paper away. The rest of his family peer over his shoulder as he opens the cardboard box, to reveal... nothing! Just a cardboard box. His parents seem amused enough but the kid looks a little disappointed as Reiger strolls away smirking. COACH BWAHA! What a great gift, very practical! COLE Oh come on! COACH What? Kids end up jusy playing with the boxes anyway, cut out the middle man. In the ring, the pace quickens as Bailey sends Cash off the ropes. A leapfrog by Bailey sets up a backdrop, but Cash puts on the brakes and hooks up for a backslide... 1... 2... No. Bailey swings and misses with a clothesline. Catching the arm Cash guides Bailey around into a front facelock and a suplex, running forward with his opponent on his way up to turn it into a Running Suplex! Back on the floor meanwhile, the next lucky young fan laments over the LUMP OF COAL she's been given. COACH I guess that proves it, nobody wants Cole for Christmas! COLE Har har. Spencer Reiger, totally taking the spotlight off of this contest. Once Bailey is back up, Cash takes him over to the ropes and delivers a snapmare. He then applies a crucifix and twists Bailey over into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... No. First up, Bailey tries to grab a hold of Cash. A double leg trip floors him and allows Tim to slap on the Midwest Sling, which quickly draws the tap and the sudden victory for Cash! *DINGDINGDING!* Tim's hand is raised in victory and "Not My Time" plays, but most of the attention remains on Spencer Reiger's antics on the floor. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, TIM CASH! Tim makes sure Broderick makes it safely out of the ring before waving to the crowd. As he's doing this Spencer rolls into the ring with his present sack and when Tim turns around he seems understandably surprised. As he puts up his guard though, Spencer urges him to calm down and motions that he's actually here to give him a present. COLE What is this, some sort of peace offering? Is that really Spencer Reiger's style? COACH Of course it ain't. Cash's not really going to take it, is he? Emerging from the sack with a present, Spencer seems true to his word as it's gift-tagged for Tim himself. The crowd urge Timmy not to take it but always a trusting kind of guy, he accepts the present and looks honoured at the thought and effort his rival has apparantly gone to. COACH Okay, he took it, he's an idiot. Spencer encourages Cash to "open it up", trying and failing to get the crowd to do the same. Sensing the fans' trepidation Tim looks the package over a couple of times, seemingly mulling it over in his head. But his better nature gets the best of him and with a shrug of his shoulders, he starts to tear away the paper... ...all the distraction Reiger needs to deliver a boot to the gut! Tim drops the present as Spencer hooks up both arms and chalks Cash up with the REIGER COUNTER!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH Told ya. What a dolt. Emptying the sack of the two leftover presents Spencer adds to Cash's misery as he sits him up and stick the sack over his head! Picking up his NY Giants Santa hat, Spencer sticks it back up and smoothes it out with a smile. REIGER Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! (up yours gesture) Bunch'a white trash! Spencer and his festive hat leave, booed all the way by the fans as Cash is left laid out in the ring. His offer to show one woman his 'other Christmas sack' are disgustedly turned down and he goes on his way with an arm raised in a personal victory. COLE Spencer Reiger's continued lack of class has just crossed the line to a new low. How could he do this to Tim Cash, in the holiday season no less!? COACH Why should that make a difference? COLE The spirit of the season? Goodwill to all men. COACH I think Tim Cash flat on his face and embarrassed in front of the world for being the stupidest person alive proves that don't get you nowhere, Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall. LET'S SEE HOW FAR WE'VE COME 300TH EPISODE OF HeldDOWN~! THIS JANUARY LIVE FROM DODGER STADIUM COMMERCIAL

Flanked by the rest of The Enterprise, Moneymaker looks more angry than usual. Normally, the money that stuffs his pockets and makes him feel secure is enough to keep a smile, even a devilish one, on his face. None of that tonight, however. COLE Now why are they out here AGAIN? Hasn't Moneymaker done enough tonight? COACH C'mon, Mikey Cole, do you know the ratings we're gonna get tonight? People just can't get enough of Moneymaker! COLE He paid you to say that, didn't he? COACH Hey man, rent's due this week, don't hate! MONEYMAKER Two weeks ago, Zack Malibu, the supposed role model that he is, commited a heinous crime in this very ring. Zack Malibu STOLE from me, and ran off like a theif in the night...which is exactly what he is, a THEIF! I came out here with a token of my appreciation, a gesture to Zackary Malibu to end this nonsense once and for all, and what does he do? He spits in my face yet again, and shows nothing but disrespect when he's the one always preaching about what it means to respect everything around him. But Zack Malibu, I know how you are. I know that there is no getting through to you, and that's fine. The New Year's Spectacular will give me the opportunity to finally showcase myself as the top wrestler in this promotion and in the world today. It will give me a chance to unleash MY frustrations, and shut you up once and for all. Zack Malibu, you will have your day on January 1st. It sickens me though that YOU PEOPLE, each and every one of you, feed into Zack time and time again, and two weeks ago was the final straw. To act as accomplices and take that money...MY MONEY...out of his hands and put it in your pockets was completely over the line! I have done nothing for the last six months except get you people to better yourselves, and realize that you pay tribute to a false idol, but it's too late. You people have become the very thing that Zack Malibu is. You are all selfish! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! Maybe that's why you all feel like you can relate to Zack Malibu...because none of you are any better than the common cockroach! It disgusts me at what society has become, and yet everything is to blame...the economy, the school system, alcohol, drugs...everybody has something or someone to blame except themself! LOOK IN THE MIRROR, PEOPLE! Look at what you are! You have deteriorated, and I no longer wish to be your saving grace! You can all rot in hell for all I care, because guess what? My charity ended when you stole from me. The money that I've invested, that I've worked to build into my fortune, taken without a second thought and without fear of repurcussions. And that, my friends...is where you are wrong. Moneymaker hops out of the ring, and waves Bosley and CPA to come with him. Christian Wright and Alison stand in the ring, watching as Moneymaker circles ringside. MONEYMAKER You here, sitting with your son...I bet you purchased his Christmas presents with the money you stole from me, didn't you!? DIDN'T YOU?!!? The fan tries to respond, but Bosley shoves the man down, knocking him over and humilating him in front of his young son, who can be no more than seven. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MONEYMAKER Oh shut up and spare me with your disdain, because I'm far past the point of caring. I warned that you people would wind up sinking to Zack's level eventually, and sadly that day has come. I tried and tried, but NO! You people turned on me and ran off with my money! MY MONEY! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK! Moneymaker, so crazed by Zack's actions that he doesn't realize he's in a completely different city from where the incident took place, grabs an older gentleman by the collar of his shirt and yanks him out of his seat, eyeing him face to face. MONEYMAKER WHERE IS IT!?!? GIVE ME MY MONEY! The frightened man stammers, not knowing what to say, until he's shoved back into his seat as well. COLE Theodore Moneymaker has completely lost it tonight. COACH Can you blame him? Shit, I'd be doing this if I lost ten bucks, nevermind half a million! Moneymaker walks around, enduring the fans catcalls. He notices two college age guys sitting and laughing about this, and motions to CPA and Bosley...who take one of them and biel him over the railing, onto the ringside floor! COLE Oh come ON! The young man is stunned by no more stunned than when he tries to get up and Moneymaker delivers a hard kick to his ribs, then orders his henchman to toss the man into the ring! COACH That'll teach him! COLE That'll get us a lawsuit! Moneymaker steps into the ring, and as the young man is going to get up, Moneymaker hits him with the Billion Dollar Kneelift, as the crowd is totally, 100% against the villainous billionaire. MONEYMAKER YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!? YOU STEAL FROM ME AND IT'S A JOKE? Well, now we'll see what you're laughing about! Moneymaker undoes his belt, as CPA and Bosley hold the young man still, yanking his shirt up to expose his back. Moneymaker folds his belt in two, and then starts whipping the young man hard, leaving red welts across his back! COLE He's lost it! He's gone too far! Moneymaker continues to unload, but the fans come alive as ZACK MALIBU comes racing down the aisle! Zack slides into the ring and tackles Moneymaker at the legs, and unloads WITH FURY~! until he's thrown off by Bosley! Bosley, CPA and Wright all gang up on Zack, with Alison calling out directions, and The Enterprise starts to have their way with Malibu! They pull him up, but Zack starts fighting back, nailing everyone in sight, until Moneymaker clocks him with a belt-wrapped fist! Malibu goes down in a heap, and Moneymaker hovers over him, pounding on him with his loaded fist! COLE Damn it, Zack's being assaulted by The Enterprise! COACH You wanted him to stop beating on the fan, and he did. Look at the bright side, Mikey Cole! Moneymaker works Zack over, until the fans roar again, when BOHEMOTH and LEON RODEZ, the OAOAST World Champion, hit the ring! The rest of The In Crowd send The Enterprise heading for the hills, and Leon unstraps his World Title and swings it like a weapon, looking to crack anyone from The E without discrimination! COLE Thank God for The In Crowd! Bo and Leon tend to Zack, whose face has been made a crimson mask. The Enterprise look on as a groggy Malibu is aided by his stablemates. Malibu looks through glassy eyes at Moneymaker, who looks at his bloody, belt wrapped fist and points to Zack, telling him his days are numbered. COLE It was a war that spanned throughout most of the year, and in just one week's time, it comes to a head. Zack Malibu and Theodore Moneymaker will finally be in the ring one on one, and no matter who wins that war, I do not envy the man on the losing end one second, because you know neither one is going to take it lightly on the other!

PLAY BALL A DOCUMENTARY FILM BY MOLLY NERDLY TAPED MONDAY THE 22nd LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA Just because it’s the end of December don’t mean you can’t play some motherfuckin baseball! The Duncan clan has certainly subscribed to this theory as Molly shows us through a camera THAT IS NOT THE SICLOPSE. Alix, Krista, Maya, Molly and umpire Jade linger on one side of the field. One the other side stands their opponents of Tyler Bryant, Simon Singleton, Ned Blanchard, and Terry Taylor. KRISTA Hmmm. The updated weather report says it might rain. I mean, I could’ve just looked up and saw the grey sky, huge rain clouds, and blasts of lightening, but then I might have felt that paying 16.99 a month for up to the minute Verizon forecasts was a bit of a waste of moolah. Maybe we should head home. JADE No way! It’d be so much fun to play in a storm, mom. KRISTA If your idea of fun is holding a giant metal stick in the middle of an empty field being pounded by lightening, perhaps we ought to examine your concept of the word, young lady. MOLLY Jade, might I ask why you’re not playing in this game? JADE I’m the ump. Sports aren’t really my thing. Not that into them. I never really cared for them. Nope. Not my thing. Not one bit. ALIX Hahahahha! Oh woah wait, you’re serious. Hahahah! That’s even funnier, because you’re using apathy to cover up sucking at something. Hahaha! Now I know what its like to hang around Nickelback. JADE I don’t suck at baseball! ALIX Okie dokie, pokie! If you aren’t the queen of the royal kingdom of baseball suckdom, then hit this ball. Jade swings at Alix's pitch. Jade misses. Jade falls. Jade lands flat on her tush. Jade cries. JADE Ow! I think a caterpillar just crawled up my BUTT. Ewww…I think its laying eggs! ALIX Yay! I’m gonna be a grandmother! KRISTA I don’t understand how you can possibly be bad at baseball and/or softball as we women have been pigeon holed into by our imperialistic Christian oppressors. Maya’s good, and I’ve been good since I was six. Of course back then baseball was just me wearing a Dodgers hat, and tying my brother Nick to a tree to throw rocks at him. Thankfully my concept of the sport has evolved somewhat. Now instead of tying Nick to a tree, I attempt to throw Terry into the lion pit at the zoo. JADE You said Jews aren’t good at sports. KRISTA Baseball isn’t a sport, dear. Baseball is a cathartic psychological exercise in which you pretend your enemies have had their heads condensed into tiny white balls with red stitches and you are going to hit that head as hard as possible with a blunt metal or wood object. NED (shouting) Hey! You ready to play some ball? KRISTA And speaking of mortal enemies…I don’t know if I’m ready to play ball, but I’m ready to break your’s! NED Keep dreaming! This is my year! CUT TO Simon and Tyler tying up their tennis shoes. Tyler appears nervous and unsure, a fact that Simon picks up on rather easily. SIMON Hey I shoulda asked you this before I let you onto the team. But, hey, that would’ve been too logical for me. Are you any good at baseball? TYLER What are you kidding me? Sure I am! Sure! Man, in highschool I was killing it. I’m talking homeruns, triples, singles, second basers, triple doubles, 3 point lay ups, running the zone defense, exploiting the west coast offense.- SIMON You’ve never played baseball in your life have you? TYLER No sir. SIMON Just try not to screw up too much. Ned thinks everytime he takes a loss to Krista the god punishes him with a wrinkle line. He’s already up to 375. Lightening and thunder scream in the distance, as though they were offering warning calls, urging those around to clear before danger arrives. TERRY (gazing outward) Krista, we’ve got trouble. KRISTA Damn it, Terry! I told you to wear a diaper. TERRY No….well, yes. But we have other trouble besides that! Look. They emerge one by one from the forest edge, ranging dozens of meters apart. The first male into the clearing fell back, allowing a taller, more slender one to take the front. Another, one clad in white bandanas, looking almost like a nomad, orients himself with clenched fists at the leader’s side. Next to the bandana wearing man walks a brawny character, with close-cropped hair, and thickly muscled arms. Two blonde women, who would look almost identical if weren’t for one’s incredible muscularity, keep the pace in the rear. SIMON Uh-oh. MOLLY Oh Goodness, what do they want? ALIX To star in my own lesbian gangbang pornography featuring Jodie Foster, Kirstin Dunst, Eva Mendes, and selected over the age of 18 cast members of the new 90210. JADE What? ALIX Oh! I thought ya asked what was my daily wish to Christ. ThunderKid, Reject, Sandman, Melissa Nerdly, Malaysia and Mister Dick close ranks before they continue cautiously toward Krista and friends, exhibiting the natural respect of predators as it encounters a larger, unfamiliar group of its own cry. THUNDERKID Hail! A Happy Hanukkah to our Jewish sisters in the Duncan clan. REJECT Alf regrets not being present, but he sends his best wishes for a Happy Hanukah. KRISTA Boy, now I don’t wanna kill myself anymore. Thanks Alfie! THUNDERKID We come in peace. SIMON From what I heard, you rarely come at all. Sandman, always seeking a fight, steps angrily towards Simon. THUNDERKID Take it easy, Sandy. The Deadly Alliance means you no harm. NED Then why are you here? I’m not no geography wiz, but last I looked at an atlas, Green Bay’s a hell of a long way from LA. So unless Wisconsin got real warm, real sunny, real fast, you’re a long ways from home, Dorothy. THUNDERKID My grand parents have a retirement home here, I only came to visit them for the holidays. Even I have a heart, if you can believe that. These 5? They just wanted to soak up the California sun with me and see the sights and sounds of the greatest entertainment capital on earth. MISTER DICK I just wanted to see me some celebrities. Bein’ just a humble country boy from Texas, I don’t get to cross pathes with too many famous folk. We bought one of these maps of the stars’ home tours, and I’ll tell ya what, it was a damn good bargain for what we paid for it. We saw Jennifer Aniston’s home, Halle Berry’s, Helen Hunt, who else did we see? Ah, it don’t matter! None of them compared to the mansion of Krista Isadora Duncan. KRISTA You were at my house? MISTER DICK We were and we weren’t, see. We was hopin you might invite us in for tea, or coffee. I ain’t much for either bevrage myself, but it just woulda been nice. But as luck would have it, you and yer lovely daughters weren’t present at the time we called. We just had to say hello, we flew all the way out here on our humble wrestler salary, and to not talk to a single celebrity? That just won’t do. But thank the good lord, one of your maids was mighty helpful in telling us we’re ya’ll were at. REJECT Out playin baseball with Moneymaker's old errand boys. Is this what its come to, boys? From riding private jets and stretch limos, to riding the bench in slow pitch family softball? NED You little- REJECT Just having a little fun, Ned. I guess it still smarts we didn't offer you that invite to the Deadly Alliance. JADE The maids weren't supposed to tell anyone where we went. Because of the paparazzi and all. SANDMAN Don’t blame her, little Jade. We have better ways of getting information than your run of the mill paparazzi. Its hard to keep your mouth shut when your on your knees and there’s a steel chair raised above your head and a psychopath ready to redecorate the room with your brains. REJECT He’s just making a joke. Ignore him, we’re still working on his comedic timing. We didn’t come to cause any trouble. MISTER DICK Naw, naw. We just came to say hello to Krista Isadora Duncan, walk of fame celebrity. All the OAOAST crap aside for a bit, I just wanna be greeted by one of Hollywood’s elite. It'd be wonderful if I could just tell my mama and my daddy back home in San Antonio that I went out to Hollywood and a real life celebrity said "Hi" to me. A look of intense concentration crosses Krista’s face, as if she can’t determine how best to calm a potentially violent situation. KRISTA Yeah, well…hello. MAYA Now get moving! MALAYSIA Aren’t you a…pretty thing. JADE Leave her alone! MALAYSIA I was only complimenting her. She has a lovely scent. I could smell you from so far away, little girl. ALIX Danger! Danger! Creepiness at critical levels! Freaks from the Deadly Alliance abandon ship! MELISSA Why the rush to get rid of us? ALIX Reason number one: Sandman’s genital warts may have mutated into an airborne form. MELISSA I have a great idea! Why don’t we play a game of baseball? You guys have bats, balls, gloves. It’ll be the Deadly Alliance versus of all of you. It’ll be…fun. MISTER DICK What do ya say, Krista? I know we ain’t your fancy jet settin red carpet kind of crowd. But we’re good honest regular joe’s. We just wanna have a good time. Let’s put the past behind us just for today. Bury the hatchet. If not for the holiday season…than when? ALIX Dude, are you for really reals? The minute we put a bat in your hands you’re gonna go Afro Samuri Samuel L style on all of us. I kinda enjoy not being decapitated. I just spent 35 dollars on lipstick what would I do with it if I had no head? Eat it? No! My mouth is on my head! That’s why I can’t use it in the first place. Think before you ask these questions! THUNDERKID You have my word. Mister Dick will not purposely attack anyone or he will be expelled from the Deadly Alliance. We only want to enjoy our vacation. What a story that would be. I came to visit my grandparents and I ended playing baseball with the one and only Krista Isadora Duncan! JADE Mom, you don’t have to- KRISTA You’re up first. Alix get on the mound CUE Supermassive Black Hole Oh baby dont you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan? You caught me under false pretenses How long before you let me go? You set my soul alight You set my soul alight CUT TO ThunderKid swinging an aluminum bat at home plate; the bat whistles untraceably through the air. Krista is positioned several feet behind him, catching for the other team. JADE Batter up! (You set my soul alight) Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (You set my soul alight) Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive' CUT TO Alix stands straight, deceptively motionless. Her style seems to be stealth rather than intimidating windup. She holds the ball in both hands at her waist and then like the strike of a cobra, her right hand flicks out and the ball sails past Reject's bat and smacks into Krista’s glove. I thought I was a fool for no-one Oh baby I'm a fool for you You're the queen of the superficial And how long before you tell the truth You set my soul alight You set my soul alight CUT TO the ball spinning out of Mister Dick’s hand from the mound straight into Simon’s bat. The crack of the impact is shattering, thunderous, it echoes off the trees like the thunder that rumbles in the distance. (You set my soul alight) Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (You set my soul alight) Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive' CUT TO Sandman running the bases, his motion a supersonic blur of grace and hustle. Yet such inhuman speed cannot compare to that with which Tyler launches the ball from center field. With the pinpoint precision of a lazer the ball comes down inside Krista’s glove, and through swift movement she tags the sliding Sandman. Jade’s face shines with delight to punch him out. Supermassive black hole Supermassive black hole Supermassive black hole Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the supermassive CUT TO Alix crushing the ball off her bat. It shoots like a small white meteor, flying deep into the surrounding park. Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (You set my soul alight) Glaciers melting in the dead of night And the superstars sucked into the supermassive CUT TO Mister Dick on the mound his sharp eyes carefully taking in the bat wielding Krista Isadora Duncan. Her dexteritity, speed and talent are on full display for all to marvel at as she twirls and flips the bat as though it were as light as mere baton. His teammates share a begrudging amazement at her twirling talents, but Mister Dick views it as nothing more than a flashy affront to his man hood. A front of bitter anger freezes itself onto his face. Refusing to be intimidated by his feral glower, Krista settles her spinning bat into a crouched stance. Mister Dick winds up; his motion is a graceless and aggressive dance of power. The ball is a flame spewing a fiery trail from his hand. “BOOOOOM!” a thick blast of lightening rips across the California sky, its powerful cry matching that of Krista’s friends as they watch her crumple to the ground; a direct result of Mister Dick’s pitch hitting her in the head. JADE Mom! Oh my god mom! Most of Krista’s friends rush to her aid, surrounding the woman, who isn’t well enough to answer their queries about her health. Tyler has dealt with too many of Mister Dick’s horrid actions, and storms the mound with barely contained anger. Simon trails behind him, carrying with him faint hopes of keeping the peace. TYLER You bastard! You bastard! The Deadly Alliance gathers around their member that has become public enemy number one. Thunder rages and flames overhead, but its no match for the rage and flames within Tyler’s eyes. MISTER DICK (feigning innocence) I..I..I..I don’t know. I lost control. To must the ability to believe Mister Dick’s outrageous claim is beyond Jade’s ability. JADE You did this on purpose! Mister Dick continues to wear his guilt free mask even as the two Nerdly sisters find cruel smiles over Krista’s fallen body. MISTER DICK Accident. It was an accident. ALIX (waving the bat at him) I’ll show you an accident! SANDMAN Come and try it! SIMON Accident or not, I think its best if you leave. THUNDERKID Agreed. The DA take their leave, removing themselves from the battle field before a second shot can be fired. Now with his back towards the outraged family of Krista, Mister Dick is free to let his lips curve into a satisfied grin. FADE OUT COLE We'd like to thank Molly for providing that footage. Folks, Krista has suffered a mild concussion as a result of that- COACH Accident! COLE Believe what you will, but she still has a mild concussion. She will, however, be available to compete in her dildo on a pole match at the New Years Spectacular. But the last thing you need against the Deadliest Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns is any sort of injury. Just imagine the joy Malaysia would take over exploiting it.

FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, THIS IS AN ANDERSON CUP SHILL! By now you know the host and the set, so no there’s no need to remind you about that. BRANNIGAN With your final Anderson Cup shill, I’m Tony Brannigan. The time for talking is just about over, ladies and gentlemen. Live right here next week not only do we kick off 2009 with our big New Year‘s Spectacular, so to is the start of the 5th annual Anderson Cup. Last week I promised we’d have the entire 2009 Anderson Cup bracket for you this week and I am a man of my word, folks. And boy did the tournament committee outdo themselves this year. MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNECTION CONFERENCE Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright (1) vs. The Love Doctors (8) Christ Air Express (4) vs. Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew (5) Tim Cash/? (Unranked) vs. Los Conquistadors (6) D*LUX (2) vs. Last Kings of Scotland (7) LOS INFERNALES Team Heyross (1) vs. Panic at the Disco (8) James Blonde & Faqu (4) vs. Jumbo & Deuce Deuce Bigelow (5) Mr. Dick & Malaysia (3) vs. Los Diablos de Fuego (6) Beverly Hills Blonds (2) vs. The Heavenly Rockers (7) BRANNIGAN Look at all the incredible storylines…and it’s only the opening round! You’ve got the Heavenly Rockers and Beverly Hills Blonds rekindling their longtime rivalry; questions whether the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew can get it together; the miraculous return of D*LUX, although I question whether “Showtime” Shayne Brave is rushing back from his arm injury; Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright regaining the top seed in the MWC Conference after last year’s conference champions, the Sooner Bruisers, refused to participate for reasons unknown; and just who is this mystery partner wrestling’s last real good guy Tim Cash says he‘s got? Cash of course a former tag wrestler, last competing with Detective Tango Bosley as Rescue 911 before the AMOG sold out to Theodore Moneymaker. Following the vicious assault Cash received at the hands of Spencer Reiger earlier this evening, he can use a friend. We’ll have to wait and see. NEW YEAR’S SPECTACULAR Tim Cash/? (Unranked) vs. Los Conquistadors (6) Beverly Hills Blonds (2) vs. The Heavenly Rockers (7) BRANNIGAN Again to reiterate, you can witness all the action of the 5th annual Anderson Cup live on TSM beginning next week at the New Year’s Spectacular. Folks, it’s been dubbed the most unpredictable Anderson Cup in history for a reason. Don’t miss out on the wild journey that begins in the Motor City on New Year’s night and ends in Beantown as one team hopes to make that leap to AngleMania and capture the One & Only World tag team championship. Right now let’s head back to the ring for more great action! ABDULLAH NERDLY, in full religious regalia, graces us with his presence as "Hate Me Now" by Nas featuring Diddy plays in the background. COACH What a great surprise this is, Mikey Cole. COLE Maybe for you, but what’s Abdullah Nerdly doing here? The Inspirational Leader grabs a microphone and speaks to his people. ABDULLAH My children, in this most wonderful time of the year tragedy I meet you with the sad news tragedy has befallen our dear brother Theodore Moneymaker. Why anyone would seek to harm a man of the people is beyond comprehension, but I still ask that you pray for these forces of evil and that Allah have mercy on their souls because Theodore Moneymaker will soon OWN their asses! Tonight, however, I shall take up the fight of our messiah and defeat Baron Windels. So giddy on up out here so I can break your back and humble you! COLE COACH (laughs) It sounds like something you might enjoy, Cole. COLE Let’s see if Abdullah Nerdly will enjoy his time in the ring with Baron Windels. The Lone Star Gunslinger on his way. “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits and the crowd goes wild for the proud Texan. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Las Vegas, Nevada by way Edmonton, Alberta, by way of Damascus, Syria… ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY! His opponent, from San Antonio, Texas, 265 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!! As he slaps the hands of OAOAST Marks, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS charge BW from behind. Luckily his buckaroos warn him of the danger and the Lone Star Gunslinger fires off a couple of rounds! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE 2 on 1 and Baron Windels is still on his feet! What a man he is! Both Heavenly Rockers down BW sets his sights on their promoter, but Abdullah Nerdly wipes him out with a SUICIDE DIVE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Speaker for the Prophets gives praises to the Almighty and returns inside where he opens up a dialogue with referee Earl Hebner. Meanwhile, the Heavenly Rockers do a number of Baron Windels outside, dropping him throat-first on the guardrail. Wily veterans, Synth and Logan walk away from the scene of the crime before Earl looks over, and then deliver another beat down as he and Abdullah renew talks. COLE I can understand if Earl Hebner was Clem Buzzlefoxer, but he’s not a senile old man. There’s no excuse for him to be missing all this blatant outside interference. COACH What’s the matter? Is it that time of the month for you? Quit whining, Cole. Wrestling is a man’s world. Either kick ass or get your ass kicked. And right now Baron Windels is getting his kicked. BW is rolled back in and placed in a CAMEL CLUTCH! COACH Praise be! Abdullah really is going to break Baron’s back and humble him! Teeth gritted, Baron signals he isn’t about to give up and rises to his knees, but Abdullah takes to the air and squats down on the back of the Lone Star Gunslinger and reapplies the Camel Clutch. “BARON!” “BARON!” “BARON!” His face beet red BW mounts a comeback, fists pumping and feet kicking. ABDULLAH Looking to suppress the uprising, Abdullah again takes to the air, but BW rolls over and CROTCHES THE COLONEL ON HIS KNEES!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" ABDULLAH BW returns to his feet and has Abdullah BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS~!!! COLE That’s gotta leave a salty taste in the Colonel’s mouth. COACH You’re just jealous that wasn’t you. As you’d expect the Heavenly Rockers come to the aid of Abdullah, but THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS yank them down from the apron and a slugfest ensues outside! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The Beverly Hills Blonds not waiting until the New Year’s Spectacular to get their hands on the Heavenly Rockers. They want them now! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!! The celebration is short-lived, however, as Abdullah reaches into his shorts and throws DUST into the eyes of Baron Windels. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COLE My God, what was that? COACH Jihadust! Abdullah helps THR take down the BHB and the trio proceed to lay a whipping on them and BW, until SANTA CLAUS storms the ring! COACH Not this idiot again. COLE Santa’s here…and he’s pissed! Using his SACK BAG as a weapon, Santa swipes Abdullah’s legs out from under, bashes Synth upside the head and nails Logan in the gut before shoving him outside with his foot. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Santa then hands each of the fan favorites in the ring a present from his goodie bag. For the BHB it’s a Theodore Moneymaker action served on a silver platter and Baron Windels a toy replica of the World tag team championship, the other half of which belongs to Tim Cash a/k/a Santa. COLE Does this mean what I think? Has Tim Cash asked Baron Windels to be his partner for the Anderson Cup? COACH Good thing Cash has previous medical experience because he’ll be needing all the treatment in the world trying to carry Baron Windels. COLE I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. COMMERCIAL

COLE Earlier tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we saw Baron Windels get attacked by Theodore Moneymaker during an interview Terry Taylor was conducting with the Lone Star Gunslinger. Well I’ve just been informed OAOAST President Josie Baker has signed for later tonight a match between Moneymaker and Windels. Right now let’s go to our colleague Tony Brannigan who I understand has caught up with Theodore Moneymaker. We cut backstage where Tony Brannigan chases down Theodore Moneymaker. The Billion Dollar Heir flanked by CPA on his way towards a STRETCH LIMOUSINE parked outside. BRANNIGAN Actually, I haven’t caught up to Theodore Moneymaker, guys. I don’t know if he’s trying to make a run for it or what, but it’s either that or he hasn’t heard the news about his participation here tonight. THEODORE MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER Brannigan catches up with his cousin. BRANNIGAN Teddy, where do you think you’re going? MONEYMAKER To get my ring gear. Haven’t you heard what that ingrate Josie Baker has done? BRANNIGAN Wait just a minute! That’s the OAOAST President you‘re talking about! MONEYMAKER If not for me she’d still be turning tricks wherever she came from! BRANNIGAN MONEYMAKER Josie Baker’s got NO right interfering in my business. My right pinkie finger carries more weight than her office and she better remember that. BRANNIGAN Is that some kind of threat? MONEYMAKER No, just a friendly reminder. Just like my little face to the back of Baron Windels’ head earlier was a friendly reminder about what happens to people who screw with the Enterprise. Look no further than this damn company’s namesake to see the cost of war with me. You don’t see him anywhere around, do you? Do you?! BRANNIGAN No. MONEYMAKER A cold hard fact guys like Zack Malibu and Baron Windels ought to remember because their next appearance could be their last. BWAHAHA! LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO enter the frame, hurling a pair of PINK SLIPPERS at Moneymaker. MARIACHI ¡Usted perro mugriento! With presidential reflexes Moneymaker evades the slippers, which CPA catches mid-air and TEARS IN HALF! MORACCA Ay, yi-yi! Los Diablos scamper away like a pair of scared chihuahuas. MONEYMAKER As Moneymaker approaches his limo… * BOOM~! * …IT SUDDENLY BLOWS UP!!! COLE/COACH Detective Tango Bosley REPELS from out of nowhere to check on Moneymaker and CPA. The Billion Dollar Heir shaken up, as V.I.C.E. assist him out of harm’s way. OAOAST officials late to the scene. * COMMERCIAL *

MAGGIE NERDLY VS IVY RUSH -no entrances! This is called a filler match!- Alright I guess I'll add entrances Crush Crush Crush Crush, crush (Two, three, four!) From the parted entrance doors rushes out YOUR "It" girl on the scene, Maggie Nerdly. Her hands hold a boquet of black roses that flail and fly along with her pumping arms that she uses to work up the fans. Her lean and cute body fills out a ruffled mini skirt, a My Chemical Romance t-shirt cut off just above her stomach, and black and white fingerless arm warmers. The Canadian throws up the RAWK hand signal to a great response from the crowd and then marches down the ramp. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making her way to the ring from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is the "It" Girl on the Scene, MAGGIE NERDDDLLY! Too cool for a simple high five, Maggie fist pounds with the rampside audience with the hand that doesn't hold the bouquet. Maggie slides into the ring and creates a fantastic pyro display by aiming her bouquet at every corner of the ring. Once each ring post is lit up by green pyro pillar she throws the black roses into the stands for the fans to fight over. COLE Maggie Nerdly a part of that huge New Year's Knockout Gauntlet Match at the New Years Spectacular. COACH Yo, speakin of knockout that's just what happened to Maggie the last time we saw her in ring. She got knocked out by Holly! Holly's the meanest women's champ we've done ever had, and I bet she's the one that can take back the gold next week. BUFFER And her opponent...from the Secret Garden...IVY RUSH! If you'd like a description of Miss Rush, think Poison Ivy from batman. Or Mister Roper from 3's company, which makes no sense but is kind of cool in a way. DING DING DING Maggie starts the contest by lobbing a lariat at Ivy Rush. But Rush ducks the blow and as Maggie turns around to get a read on her IR tags her with knife edge chops. The super cute rock chick doesn’t stay on the defensive for very long as she grabs onto Rush’s arm and hurls her into the ropes. Rush flies back with a leaping elbow which Maggie counters into a powerslam! She hooks the outside leg for fall.. ONE! TWO! Rush kicksout of the pin. COLE Maggie has to be a strong favorite to win the big gauntlet match next week at New Years Spectacular. But one person you don’t want to count out is Megan Skye. Mostly because she has the extra motivation of not wanting to hear Landon’s bitching if she loses. Rush rolls back to her feet and meets a rising Maggie with pair of kicks to her bare legs. With Maggie weakened, Rush drapes her arm over her’s in a set up for a rock bottom. “AHHHHHHHHH!” Maggie hollers into Rush’s ear, and the awful pain of such horrible noise forces Rush to let Maggie go in order to attend to her sore ears. COLE Safe to say ScrEMO isn’t one of Ivy’s favorite genres. Dizzied, wounded, and a little nauseous from Maggie’s odd signature attack, Rush stumbles into the corner. There’s no rest for her weary bones there as Maggie charges in and flattens her with a body splash! “RAWK IT!” Maggie shouts to a cheering audience. She then tightens her arms around Rush’s head and attempts to bring her forward with a bull dog. But Rush grabs onto her ruffled mini skirt and uses the grip to throw her forward. Maggie lands flat on her tush, more annoyed than hurt by the counter. Not realizing this Rush takes another run off the ropes. But when she returns Maggie springs upright and throws her down with the Happiness Is Edmonton in Your Rearview Mirror (Hammerlock DDT)! “YEAAAAA!” Maggie hooks the leg for a fall ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING! The RAWK Chick celebrates with an amazingly agile backflip before letting her hand be raised by the referee. COLE What an easy and effortless victory by Maggie! But the competition should be much more fierce next week when she tries to become a two time women’s champion.

Backstage Vinny Valentine, wearing a santa hat and red and green pin stripped bell bottomed suit, spreads the Christmas cheer by sloppily toasting his glass of egg nog into the air. Most of those he passes by want nothing to do with him and his inability to keep his drink in his own glass, but Rico De Janerio seems willing to speak with him. VINNY What's the good word, daddy? RICO Vinny, mang, you seen, Lucius around? VINNY I wish I had. I swiped myself a preview copy of No Homo from Melody, and I got fifty big ones ridin on a game between me and him. The captain of cool is gonna take that fool to school! Why haven't you seen him? He's your wingman! RICO In case you ain't noticed me and Soul haven't been seein' the eye to the eye. VINNY Yeah, yeah, that dude has been a real trip lately. He's been lettin' all your dirty laundry hang out. If my partner ever pulled that on me, I'd give him one across the kisser! RICO Yer pardner wears a hockey mask like the Friday 13th, you probably break ya hand just trynna jab him. VINNY Ha-ha! That's my main cat, Rico. Always shootin straight! What are you goin do about Lucius, though. You guys gotta stay together. You work, man, you work. You work like cereal and milk, baby! Jam and toast. You're the straw that stirs Soul's drink, daddy. One of you guys gotta mellow out and see what's what! RICO Naw, mang, is too late for that. We never had no problems as a team, and now Lucius, has embarrassed me one too many a time. He ain't even given me the courtesy of speakin his problems before he speak them to everyone else? To hell with that, mang. Lucius Soul is dead man to me. VINNY You're in the Anderson Cup together! You can't quit now! This is big time work, baby. You gotta a hurtin on the Square Air Express in the first round. Dig me? RICO If we win the Andersons Cup, mang....It gonna be 'cause of me and me alone. That Anderson's Cup won't say nothin about Lucius Soul, because it belong only to me, mang. You got that? Rico storms off and Vinny is left to sigh over the inevitable breakup of his good friends.

COLE Folks welcome back to our holiday edition of HeldDOWN~! We apologize for the behavoir of Spencer Reiger, and his Grinch like attitude isn't shared by the rest of the staff. COACH Why don't you try to understand why homie acts the way he do, before you condem? Maybe he's Muslim, and he got sick of being ignored by mainstream USA and this is how he takes it out on ya'll bigots. COLE Something tells me a rich white kid from Manhattan isn't likely to be quoting the Koran anytime soon. Folks, right now Terry Taylor is standing backstage. Terry? At our backstage interview position, OAOAST Broadcast Correspondent/COD man-bitch Terry Taylor is alongside BARON WINDELS. TAYLOR I’m here with “The Lone Star Gunslinger” Baron Windels, and BW, people are still talking about what you did one week ago publicly rejecting membership into the Enterprise. A move that did you no favors with them. I mean, those guys have memories like elephants -- they never forget! BARON It did me no favors with the Enterprise alright, but in kept me in favor with the people who matter the most -- my buckaroos. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BARON If that puts me on their most wanted list so be it, I’ll gun them all down one by one if I have to because I’d rather step on a few toes than sell my soul to the devil. The Enterprise likes to say “Money talks, bullshit walks.” Well I listened to their money talk and I walked away from their bullshit! There are some things money CAN’T buy and one of them is a MAN’S PRIDE. Just as BW finishes his line he’s ambushed by THEODORE MONEYMAKER. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Where did he come from?! COACH I don’t know, but I bet Baron Windels regrets not accepting the Enterprise’s offer now. Moneymaker lays a verbal smack down on Windels as he puts the boots to him, repeatedly kicking the Lone Star Gunslinger in the gut before slamming him against a nearby storage case, leaving BW clutching his ribs in a fetal position. THEODORE (spits on BW) Merry Christmas! TAYLOR COACH COLE Damn him! That’s uncalled for! COACH What goes around comes around, Mikey Cole. Baron Windels embarrassed the Enterprise last week and gets embarrassed by them this week. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. COLE COMMERCIAL

If I get one more Merry X-mas text, I'm gonna bust a revenge nut all over somebody's baby jesus. I got texts from phone numbers with no names, I dont even know who the hell these people are. I'm jewish, I dont even celebrate Christmas like that and I sure dont wanna see a damn Kwanza text. This one girl I tried to fuck like 3 years ago text me outta no where sayin merry Christmas. I told her to go die in a ditch. Man I'm mad. lol I kid, its one love for all mankind and all the world with Patty O. I honor all holidays and all religions. Happy holidays my young niggas! I really did tell that bitch to die in a ditch, tho. That ho wouldn't give up the puss but she'd give up the text? Naw hell with that ho.

It'll still be holiday themed, just you know its a "replay" or some shit of the original airing. Or some shit. Shit some or. Some or shit.

fukkin gentile bastards! Real talk, how much money should you give a ho to get an abortion? I say zero. You need to give that Target clerk $24.65 for the gloves, ski mask and baseball bat you gonna use to bash that ho and her bitch ass kid. trill spit.

Its unlikely the show will actually be posted tomorrow, due to celebrating the GOAT Kobe "Bean" Bryant leading his men over the vile immoral beasts of the Boston Celtics. So take you're time, kids!

Tyler Bryant Vs Mister Dick Dildo on a pole Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Malaysia ^THIS!

man, I hate that fukkin show. Oh u can feedback HD in this thread also.

I have killed the OAOAST I take an: :(:(:(:(

As we return from commercials, it seems order has been restored and a wrestling match has broken out! Who'd have thought we'd be saying that ten paragraphs ago? In the ring we find Molly Nerdly at the mercy of Holly, trapped in a surfboard stretch. Lorelei encourages Holly to stretch her out from the apron, while Maggie and Melody look on pensively from across the ring. COLE Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN, where we are in the middle of an impromptu Six Woman Tag Team Match. The trio of Maggie, Melody and Molly Nerdly taking on three women who brought an abrupt end to the prestigious Miss Nerdly 2008 competition, lead by the newly re-christened Lorelei DeCenzo. Also Megan Skye and in the ring, Holly Mann... MAYA Uh-buh-buh! COLE Sorry, just Holly, my mistake. And we have been joined as you can probably tell by young Maya Blanchard Duncan, as well as OAOAST Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan, who will be involved in the New Year's Knockout Gauntlet Match at the New Year's Spectacular with all six of these women. As Molly tries to fight out of the submission hold she's placed in, the crowd get behind her. Molly manages to turn to the side and get to one knee. But Holly simply breaks the hold and clubs her in the back of the head. And again. Tag is then made, bringing Lorelei in. Lorelei quickly takes over with a couple of shots to her former right hand woman, aka unpaid Enterprise intern, before turning her upside down with a bodyslam. Standing beside her fallen opponent, Mackenzie digs an imaginary grave before dropping a leg. COLE New name or not, Ms. DeCenzo is still a Gold Digger. Cover by Lorelei... 1... 2... No! Dragging Molly up Lorelei berates her former understudy, slapping her repeatedly across the head. A hard forearm then sends Molly backpedalling into the opposition corner. Holly and Megan take advantage with shots from the apron as Melody is naively drawn into the ring. COLE Look at this, it's three on one! JADE At least I only have to face one at a time at the New Year's show... right? COLE Right. JADE Okay, good. Molly is shoved out of the corner and into Lorelei's waiting arm, dropping her with a clothesline. She covers... 1... 2... No! Tag is made to Holly again. Together she and Lorelei double up on Molly, sending her off the ropes with a double irish whip. Scooping Molly up they drive her back down with a double spinebuster. Lorelei leaves the ring motioning for Holly to follow up. She does, sitting Molly up and kicking her in the back. MAYA Molly is an inspirational woman. My media studies teacher says I've made an immeasurable leap as a director since she gave me a few pointers. Thank goodness she's left those doo-doo heads from The Enterprise behind. I mean really, who'd be dumb enough to think an evil billionaire like Moneymaker would be good for their career. What kind of braindead numbskull would entrust their future to him. What ditzy fool I ask? JADE Uhm, can I... uh... have a glass of water? Thanks. Ahem. Holly stalks after Molly, giving her another completely unneccessary kick across the back. As the protests go up from the rest of the Nerdlys, Holly aims an 'up yours in their direction before SPITTING at Maggie! COLE Now that's just uncalled for! As Maggie is restrained, Holly takes a hold of Molly and snapmares her to the mat. After dropping a forearm she forces her down with a pin cover... 1... 2... No! Holly rolls her eyes and tags in Megan. COLE Well the anti-Nerdlys are looking dominant thus far, although of course the Nerdlys weren't prepared for competition tonight. At least not in-ring competition. JADE They're tough girls though. They have to be to put up with my uncle. MAYA WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH-OOOOHHHHHH!! After cutting off Molly's attempt at a tag Megan leads her to a corner, throwing her into the turnbuckles. Megan fires a kick across the chest. A second. And a third. Megan then climbs to the middle rope. With her left leg on the rope, she then places her right across the side of Molly's head and starts to SCRAPE the sole of her boot across the face repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" LORELEI Yeah, get a good shot of that Nerdly! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI...!" Megan steps down and acts the innocent. Soon she's back on the offence though, grabbing a hold of Molly by the wrist and whipping her from corner to corner. Megan follows in looking for a forearm, but Molly sticks her foot up to block! As Megan backs away Molly makes a move towards her corner, but gets cut off agonisingly close again. Megan whips Molly off the ropes this time and ducks her head ready for a backdrop. Putting on the brakes, Molly is able to provide a dramatic plot twist courtesy of a Swinging Neckbreaker! COLE An ode to Simon Singleton! And now can Molly get the tag to one of her sisters? JADE There's enough of them. MAYA And to think, people say you're not funny. I just don't get it. Both ladies crawl to their corners eager to get out. It's Megan who gets the tag first, bringing Holly in. But Holly's blasé attitude towards getting in the ring gives Molly an extra couple of seconds, crucial seconds needed to make the tag to Maggie! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Leaping in over the top, Maggie drops Holly with a running dropkick! Lorelei comes in and tastes a dropkick as well. Back up, Holly is on the recieving end of a third dropkick and Maggie is rolling, throwing up double doses of RAWK! COLE Maggie Nerdly a real firecracker at the best of times and with plenty of aggression to be worked out of her system at the moment! Maggie backs Holly off the ropes looking for an irish whip only for The Angel Of Death to reverse. A lazy clothesline is ducked though, Maggie leaping up to connect with an Enziguri! Cover by Maggie... 1... 2... Lorelei saves! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" As Lorelei badmouths Mags, Melody comes in to her sister's aide and takes Ms. DeCenzo down with a Thesz press! A catfight ensues between Melody and Lorelei, taking them underneath the bottom rope and all the way out of the ring. Meanwhile the legal women are back up and Holly is able to reverse a whip, pulling Maggie into a short arm clothesline instead! COLE You know, you might well be facing Maggie in the course of the New Year's Knockout, Jade. How do you feel about potentially having to fight one of your friends? JADE Not great. But if it's what I have to do to stay Women's Champion, I can't do much except fight an honest fight. Holly pulls Maggie back up by the hair. Elevating her up across the shoulders she carries Maggie into the centre of the ring, dropping her across the knee with a gutbuster! Cover... 1... 2... No! While getting to her feet, Maggie is smacked upside the head by Holly. And again. After a knee to the gut Holly then takes Maggie up onto the shoulders again... but this time she escapes! Landing beside Holly, Maggie quickly puts herself under the arm and hooks Holly up, bringing her down in jarring fashion across her shoulder with the Deoderator! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" JADE As long as she doesn't do that to me at the New Year Spectacular. That kinda looks like it'd hurt. With Holly hurting Maggie staggers back up. Before she knows what's hit her though, a hand spins her around and a roundhouse kick to the head from Megan Skye lays her out! COLE Chick Kick from Megan. Rolling back inside, Melody Nerdly runs at Megan who throws another high roundhouse. Melody manages to duck underneath and comes off the ropes, attaching herself to Megan with the wheelbarrow. As she pushes off the canvas, a hand in the BUTT helps to push her up and over looking for the bulldog. Melody lands on her feet though, hooking Megan from behind and dropping out with a Diving Reverse DDT! COLE And I'm reliably informed that that's the Imperial Death Drop. Melody rolls Megan out of the ring and turns around, to find Lorelei waiting on her with a boot. The Money Honey hooks Melody up and lifts her for a uranage then pulls her forward across the knee with a gutbuster! The wind rushes out of Melody's lungs and she rolls out of the ring kicking her feet with Lorelei shooing her off. MAYA I sure hope you're taking notes Jade. JADE I am. Just mentally. MAYA Just saying "Don't get hit with that" doesn't really constitute great scouting I don't believe. JADE No? That's all the prep Mom does for a match. MAYA Then all you have to do is ask yourself, am I that good? And if you say yes, I'm telling on you, because nobody likes a liar. JADE And nobody likes a tattle-tale either. COLE Okay girls, timeout. Once she's rid of one Nerdly Lorelei turns her attention to another as Molly walks her way. A forearm cuts Molly off but doesn't cut her down, Molly firing back with a forearm of her own! Forearm from Lorelei. Forearm from Molly. Back and forth they go, with Molly getting the upperhand, to the approval of the fans who want to see The Enterprise's leading lady get what's coming to her. And Molly keeps firing away wanting the exact same thing. COLE This is what happens when you come between Molly and her camera! After about the ninth forearm in a row Molly finally stops, sending Lorelei staggering backwards in a daze. Clasping her hands together Molly lets out a shout and runs at Lorelei again... but DeCenzo sidesteps and it's MAGGIE who takes the double axehandle as Lorelei guides Molly right into her! JADE Oh dear. COLE A Nerdly miscue, of sorts. Molly looks horror-stricken at what she's done, or what she was caused to do anyway, but before she can attend to her sister Loreli comes up from behind and pitches her to the floor. Lorelei follows her out, while in the ring Holly is back up, working out her shoulder. Seeing Maggie down though, she quickly puts aside the pain and pounces. Hooking up the arms, Holly elevates Maggie up off the canvas and leaves her hanging upside down. After a few seconds of disorientation The Angel Of Death then sits out, driving Maggie down with the Angel's Wings! With Maggie seemingly out, Holly makes an incredibly relaxed cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* MAYA It proves a bad night for the Nerdlys. Miss Nerdly gatecrashed, Maggie face smashed. COLE Hey, that was kind of clever, good job! MAYA Don't patronise me. COLE ...thanks for joining us girls. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of MEGAN SKYE, HOLLY and LORELEI DEEECCEEEEEEENNNZZZZOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Hand raised in victory, Holly is more concerned with placing her foot on Maggie's face to further rub in the defeat. Lorelei enters the ring to get her hand raised too. Together they stand tall over Maggie, before turning their attentions to the announce table where Jade has just stood up to lead Maya to the back. Jade stops in her tracks as she notices the two women pointing her way. Both make it pretty clear they're after her belt and Jade makes sure to keep Maya behind her as they inch around the ring. COLE Jade's pulled off some shocks this year, but to survive the New Year's Knockout might be the biggest surprise of them all! -FADE OUT-

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- From that opening video we move right into the festive Holiday themed Sofa Central, where our legendary announce team now wears Santa Hats. Cole of course is hanging a missle toe off of his. Beware, my friends! COLE Welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! The Holiday season is entering its biggest lap as last minute shopping is an overdrive. But for those of you taking time out from gift getting, we are with America's number one show in Sports Entertainment! Michael Cole, sitting alongside Da Coach, Johnathan Coachman. Coach, anything intelligent to say? COACH I'ma tell you what I love about fat hoes. You know how you go back to one's place after you on an 0 for 3 night at the club, and you just simp on any ol hoe at the Exxon, and you back there and you wonderin what in your life had you done to deserve free willy, and you bout to buss on through the window even though you on the 14th floor, and then she bring out the hostess ding dongs, and you be eatin good even if yo ding dong be gettin lost in her valley of the damnded. Holla! HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! The familiar music of the Heavenly Rockers hits and they’re led out by Colonel Abdullah and Holly. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, the team of MIKE STRAW and DAVID DELL! Your typical generic jobbers, both men gesture to the crowd. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen, their opponents, accompanied by “THE ANGEL OF DEATH“ HOLLY MANN. COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Once the pomp and circumstances are over, the Heavenly Rockers get set for action. Logan Mann to start for THR, David Dell for his team. * DINGDINGDING * Apparently in the holiday spirit, Logan offers David Dell a handshake. Dell accepts and gets smacked by a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COACH Dude, you’re getting your bell rung! COLE Logan scoops the semi-conscious Dell off the mat and executes a swinging neck breaker! This is followed by a tag to Synth who delivers a SKY HOOK ELBOWDROP~!!! COLE Oh, my, and just like that it’s gonna be all over! COACH OAOAST superstars don’t get paid by the hour, Cole. As the cover is made, Logan dumps Mike Straw inside and gives him a PERCUSSION DDT! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Synth and Logan real impressive in their tune-up match for 2009 Anderson Cup. Speaking of which, let’s go to our colleague Tony Brannigan with this week’s Anderson Cup Shill. FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, THIS IS AN ANDERSON CUP SHILL! In front of a purple backdrop with the AC trophy superimposed to his left, we find Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Here we go with another Anderson Cup shill, brought to you this week by the… OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE~! Gossip so hot you have to wear ear muffs when calling! BRANNIGAN Two weeks from tonight at the New Year’s Spectacular, the 5th annual Anderson Cup kicks off with two yet to be announced bouts pending the finalization of tournament brackets which we‘ll have for you next week. Some of the teams already entered include: Mr. Dick & Malaysia The Beverly Hills Blonds Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright Los Diablos de Fuego BRANNIGAN Joining them will be Drs. Max Anderson and Steven Pigley, The Love Doctors, and the 2008 Anderson Cup champions Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, Team Heyross. Right now let’s-- Wait a minute. I’m being told Ms. DeCenzo has made her way to the ring. Michael, Coach, perhaps you guys can clue the rest of us in. We cut back to the arena where Ms. DeCenzo are mid-ring, microphone in hand. COLE I wish we could Tony -- and thank you for that Anderson Cup shill -- but we’re as puzzled by this as you are. COACH Speak for yourself. I know exactly what’s going on and so will you in just a few moments. You‘re not gonna believe it. DECENZO Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the Enterprise it’s my pleasure to introduce to you our latest acquisition… Mr. Baron Windels! Jaws drop as Baron heads to the ring carrying a garment bag. COLE No, it can’t be! COACH (laughs) What did I tell you, Cole? You can’t believe it. “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” DECENZO Just when you thought the Enterprise was in need of a government bailout, we did what no other company is seemingly capable of -- we retooled our organization to make it leaner, meaner and a whole lot more efficient. It took some, ahem…persuasion...but even the most thick-headed Texan would understand if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Baron is met by Mackie on the way in, but she’s brushed aside and BW throws down the garment bag at her feet. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" DECENZO For BW actions speak louder than words, and it appears a whole lot of action will be coming his way as the Lone Star Gunslinger is quickly surrounded by V.I.C.E. COACH Isn’t pride a weird thing, Cole? Baron Windels gets offered a once in a lifetime opportunity and he turns down the Enterprise. Now V.I.C.E. is gonna turn Baron upside down and use him as a human jackhammer. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Not if THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS have anything to say about it. They hit the ring and a pier-six brawl erupts, prompting a herd of OAOAST officials to breakup the fight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Fans, we need to restore order. Stay with us, HeldDOWN~! returns after this! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT CANADA'S SEXIEST! MISS NERDLY 08 TONIGHT

COLE Okay folks, settle yourselves in. It's time to crown Miss Nerdly 2008! Let's send it up to the one and only Alix Maria Spezia! Into the ring we go, to find Alix front and centre with five nervous contestants behind her. Well, not really nervous. Disinterested is maybe too far in the other direction. They're there, that's the point. I won't tell you who they are though. That's for later. At ringside sits the judges table. I won't tell you who's there either. Just keep reading! ALIX Hi, my name is Alix Maria Spezia and welcome to the 2008 Miss Nerdly 2008! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" ALIX When the OAOAST top level type people asked me "Hey, Alix, how'd you like to be the Master Of Ceremonies for the Miss Nerdly 2008 pageant". And I told 'em straight up, "no frikkin' way!" My name is Alix Maria Spezia, and I am the Grand Pubah for the Miss Nerdly 2008 pageant. Grand Pubah of course being two times as important as being MC. It also entitles me to half the prize money. The Nerdlys seem collectively surprised that there's even any prize money on offer. ALIX What would a competition be without a judging panel? It'd be old news. Ya gotta have judges, just incase the acts all have no personality and are boring. Then that way you can save the series by having Piers Morgan and David Hasselhoff arguing a bunch. So, allow me to introduce the carefully selected judging panel. Amazingly, all plucked from my dressing room at a moment notice. Coincidence? No. Convenient? Yes. First up, with all the wit, charm and cruel one-line insults showing a deep rooted incompassion for the human race of Simon Cowell, she hates everybody on principle, even the reflection in the mirror, ladies and more ladies who I can't tell apart, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Krista folds her arms and looks mean, ala Simon. No product placement like American Idol, Krista's drink cup is unmarked. Possibly because it's not a cup and is instead a martini glass. ALIX JUST FUCKING MARRY ME ALREADY! Next to her, with all streetwise sassiness of Paula Abdul, MAYA BLANCHARD DUNCAN!! "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!" Maya waves to the crowd, excited to be here. She reaches out for a sip of Krista's drink hoping she'll get away with it. She thinks wrong. ALIX Third on our panel, with all the credence of being a cool black guy on TV of Randy, JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Strange intro aside, Jade waves anyway, her Women's Title resting on the table in front of her. ALIX And finally, possessing all the douchebaggery of Ryan Seacrest, TERRY TAYLOR! ALIX BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Terry waves even if he's not popular. ALIX Alright, let's introduce our contestants! We have... Alix looks up and down the line-up, then back at her cards. ALIX ...uhmuh... Alix looks up and down the line again, then the cards again. Realising she's in trouble Alix nervously shuffles her cards, before realising the further trouble she's placed herself in. ALIX Introducing, with the blonde hair, M. Nerdly number one! With the black hair, blonde M. Nerdly number two! Blonde M. Nerdly number three! Everybody's favourite, Blonde M. Nerdly number four! Maggie, Molly, Melody and Melissa, in that order, are pointed at and discuss between them the idiocy of anyone unable to tell them apart. ALIX And finally, with a ball and gag in her mouth, Malaysia Nerdly! MALAYSIA Mmff. ALIX Word of warning, if you even THINK about tying me up and molesting me like you did to Krissy last week... then that's cool with me. But if you tie me up too tight and cut off my circulation... well, I guess that's cool too. But if you so much as look at any of these other girls while you're doing it, I swear to goodness I will hunt you down and extract your heart with a rusty corkscrew. I don't care if they are your sisters, when it comes to the bedroom it's all eyes on moi. Kapeesh? Okay, it says here on this card that it's time to announce the winner. It's been a tough contest, full of emotional highs and lows and tremendous performances. You've all been great contestants but... uhm... Trailing off, Alix's attention is taken by SOMETHING SHINY! She looks over to the judges table, where Jade Rodez-Duncan has enough knowledge of her would-be family member to know that holding a sheet of foil against the light is the best way to catch Alix's eye. Jade helpfully tells Alix she's got the cards mixed up and order is eventually restored. ALIX Hi, my name is Alix Maria Spezia and... hey, this sounds awful familiar. MELISSA That's because you've already read that card, you airhead. ALIX No, I know that, I meant it sounds awful familiar because of my many years spent in and out of rehabilitation facilities. Silly boots. You know, back before it was cool I was blazing, amongst other things, that rehab trail. Now there's like a three year waiting list. Five in Hollywood! That's why I've started smoking crack again. Now, this next card says you guys should introduce yourselves and tell us why you want to win the title of Miss Nerdly 2008. I wish I'd seen this card before trying to figure out which of you is which. Please don't consider me racist, but you white Edmonton girls all look the same to me. First off, you. Stepping forward, Maggie Nerdly doesn't let the fact that someone she considered quite a close acquaintance is referring to her as 'you' bother her. MAGGIE Sup guys, the name's Maggie Nerdly, the game's partying hard and partying heavy. And I wanna be Miss Nerdly to show that we're not all sad sacks, some of us really do RAWK! MOLLY I'm Molly and I just hope the artistic integrity of this competition prevails. Also, now I know there's prize money, I want to win. MELODY Melody Nerdly, regining NerdlyThon 2008 Gaming Champion. If I win I'm gonna change my Facebook status and my MSN display message to display my victory and not change it at all for one year. I am willing to make that sacrifice, that's how much this means to me. MELISSA My name is Melissa Nerdly and I want... no, I have to win because, let's face it, I'm the only one in the family with any class whatsoever. MALAYSIA Mmff. Cut to Alix, wiping away tears. ALIX I never was able to express my love for this planet into a mere verbose state. If I were to ever achieve such a feat, I can only hope to come close to creating such beauty as you just displayed. Controlling her emotions, Alix looks over her dreaded cards again. ALIX I stand corrected. YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME! You must find some other way of impressing me! This is my way of announcing the talent competition round! Up first is Melody, whichever one of you that is. JUDGES! Wake up and start paying attention! MELODY Alright guys, put it up. The AngleTron, eventually, cuts away from the ring and up pops a screen from Guitar Hero. Which version I couldn't tell you. All I know is Melody has a plastic guitar and there's a PS3 plugged in on the outside of the ring all of a sudden. MELODY 1, 2, 1 2 3 AND A... Despite Melody's nimble fingers and her well trained hand-eye-screen co-ordination (and sudden loss of pants), Maggie Nerdly is not impressed by her sister's style. By the magic of television, she produces another officially licensed Guitar Hero guitar, proud sponsors of the OAOAST apparantly, from underneath the ring. And before Melody knows it, Maggie is showing her how it's done! A battle erupts between Melody's video gaming ability and Maggie's rock chick fire, a battle which is too close to call... until the screen wipes. Boos ring out from the crowd and the judging panel look shocked, all except Krista who seems to be thanking a godly power for ending the suffering. MELODY/MAGGIE HEY! MOLLY Sorry but I need this outlet for my laptop. I have prepared a short film as my talent, simply entitled "Her." It documents one young woman's struggle to survive in a male dominated environment and her powerful integrity being squa... MAGGIE To hell with your integrity, plug the damn machine back in! MELODY It's not a 'machine', it's a console! ALIX I think you better do it man. Just do what she says man. This chick ain't playin' man. She crazy mang! She gonna cap us unless ya'll listen mang! Leaving the ring, Melody and Maggie debate with Molly over the use of the electric outlet, a problem the Nerdly household has surely faced many times in the past. As they lament the lack of multi-plugs at ringside, the contest continues without them as Melissa snatches the microphone from Alix. MELISSA Luckily, I have a talent that doesn't involve electricity. A natural talent. ALIX I sure hope it's good because that Guitar Hero stuff was rocking. It's like they're really playing the guitar, but with three times less effort! Think of the time they saved by not learning how to play a musical instrument and picking one up with buttons on instead! Ingenius! They're way out in the lead. MELISSA Well, you're not judging. ALIX Actually I am. The 'judging panel' are just my public representatives, since I can't be in two places at once. They get 50% of the judging fee and I make off like a bandit, again. Jade, Terry and Maya all confirm this fact. Krista just sits there and drinks some more. MELISSA Well, look, it doesn't matter okay. You want talent, you're looking at it. ALIX If your talent is standing here and talking into a microphone telling us you're talented but never proving it, you're not going to win honeybuns. It'll get you an OAOAST contract, but Miss Nerdly 2008 is so much more important, I'm sure you'll all agree. MELISSA If you just shut up, I'll show you me talent. ALIX Okay, but it better be good. MELISSA It will be. ALIX I hope so, because like I say Maggie and Melody are winning and you really need to pull something special out. Like, maybe you can tap dance? Or burp the Pledge Of Allegiance backwards? Human cannonball on ice? Hey, you know what'd be really impressive. If you can balance a replica of Wembley Stadium on your head while reciting the lyrics to Lady Marmalade. If you can do that, I might put you in a tie for first place maybe. No promises though. MELISSA *sighs* You know what, forget it, it's not even worth it. Throwing her hands up to the whole thing, Melissa leaves and marches off to the back, to the derision of the crowd. ALIX Walking? That's a pretty lousy talent. And you're not even that good at it, look at how your left leg goes about an inch further than the right one. You'd never be able to balance anything on your head walking like that. No co-ordination whatsoever. Judges, your scores for that? The judges, minus Krista obviously, all look at Alix like she's crazy. ALIX Okay, moving on, we've got one girl left. Now she's been very shy all day, a nervous young lady, so you're gonna have to give her some encouragement here people. Let's give her a warm welcome, Malaysia! Malaysia, what's your talent? Malaysia removes her ball and gag and looks lustfully at Alix. MALAYSIA I can make people feel emotions. ALIX That's it? Boy, that sounds like a lame superpower from Heroes. MALAYSIA No, see I can make you feel two emotions at the same time... pain... and pleasure... let me show you... Malaysia strokes Alix's hair... ...AND GETS TACKLED TO THE GROUND BY KRISTA!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Well aware of Malaysia's talents and not willing to see them again, Krista mounts Malaysia and clubs away with lefts and rights as Malaysia covers up. Krista's wild attack sends Malaysia rolling to the outside, where she hopes to use a steel chair to inflict some pain and gain some pleasure. However Krista ducks the flying chair and as it clatters off the ringpost, Krista tackles Malaysia to the ground again! A sea of referees rush out to try and pull the warring femme fatales apart as their fight spills up the ramp and dangerously close to the judges table. ALIX Judges, your scores for Malaysia's 'getting into a fight with Krista', before you are all sadly incapacitated? JADE Uhm... shouldn't you do something Alix? ALIX Well I thought we agreed my judging powers were to remain secret, but if you insist, I'd say it's pretty run of the mill stuff, I've had much better myself. The guys in the striped shirts don't help, makes it hard for me to really see what's going on... OOH, boob grab, points for that, definately! As the referees try to pull Malaysia and Krista apart, poor Terry takes an errant elbow and goes spilling over the front of the table, landing in a heap in front with a pitcher of cold water drenching him from head to toe. MAYA I give it a 10! Malaysia and Krista's fight goes down past the stage and off towards the back. As the chaos disappears, we find Maggie, Melody and Molly back in the ring having been unable to settle their power usage dispute. ALIX And now, the reason why we've all held off with the razor blades and put off slitting our wrists through that ordeal, the SWIMSUIT ROUND! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ALIX YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH indeed! The rules for this round are fairly simple. You strip off, I squirt you down with babyoil and now that Krista's not looking, I'm envoking a new rule that whoever I deem to have the smoothest skin will win. Now lemme see 'dem titties! Get 'em off. None of the three Nerdlys seem to have been prepped for a swimsuit round and try to explain this to Alix. As she laments "then what am I supposed to do with this bottle of babyoil?", the already shambolic proceedings are interrupted by "Sex And Money" by Paul Oakenfold. Boos sound out once more, perhaps for the lack of bikini action, or perhaps for the appearance on the stage of three more females. Leading the way is Mackenzie DeCenzo of course, scowling towards the ring. Behind her are both Holly Mann and Megan Skye. DECENZO Enough. Enough. Enough of this crap! ALIX *slaps forehead* Oh, my gosh I am soooo forgetful. I just KNEW this wasn't all of you! I'm sorry everybody, my bad, as the kiddies say on the streets, at least the ones I have to sweep as part of my last community service order did. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce our final three contestants. Mackenzie Nerdly, Megan Nerdly and Mann Nerdly everybody! Give them a round of applause! DECENZO NO! You see, this is why I'm out here, because I am SICK of this! I am sick of the disrespect, I am sick of the disgracing of this fine program and I am sick of the damn Nerdlys! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Maggie, Melody and Molly all take that as a slight, of course. DECENZO That's why we're out here to put a stop to this ridiculous facade, right now! Ever since you Canadian white-trash off-spawn starting showing up in the OAOAST you have made the lives of every ambitious woman in this company hell. Not only do we have to put up with your work-shy attitudes and your general idiocy and lack of class, we have to put up with the stigma of the Nerdly family. Everywhere I go, people associate me with you people. I have been accursed! My name used to stand as a symbol of feminism at it's finest in the OAOAST. My name represented power. Success. Affluence. Now, everywhere I go, I have a stigma. Every business meeting I attend, every VIP room I enter, every meet and greet I grace with my presence, people take one look at my OAOAST background, one look at the 'M' initial and they ask me "hey, you're not one of those Nerdlys, are you?" And I perish the thought each and every time that question is put to me! I am sick of it! WE are sick of it! "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" Poor Mackenzie is forced to stop, scowling at the fans. DECENZO For this reason alone, I am here to make an official announcement. An announcement in front of the world, in front of the OAOAST Marks. An announcement which will be carried on websites across the world, will be forwarded to the most elite news sources and press releases and will be passed along through the most prestigious circles until the message is clear. I am now longer going by my given name. From this point on, I am proud to announce my intentions to go by my middle name, given to me by my beautiful mother, a woman who taught me to take pride if in nothing else myself. And damnit, I will once again be able to take pride in being the most powerful female form in the OAOAST, as Lorelei DeCenzo!! HOLLY You know, Mackenzie's right... Lorelei gives Holly an angry slap on the arm. HOLLY Sorry, sorry, force of habit. Lorelei is right. We're all sick and tired of you blonde bimbos running around like braindead college girls talking about what guys who've screwed and what video games you're playing. And since we're making announcements about names out here, I got one of my own. I'm also damn sick and tired of everybody downgrading me. I'm a former Women's Champion. I'm the original bitch with an attitude of the OAOAST. And all of you look at me like I'm some little happy housewife or something! To hell with that. Everywhere I go, I'm 'Holly Mann, Logan's wife'. 'Holly Mann, manager of Logan'. I didn't get where I am by being some submissive little bimbo. He knows I'm the toughest bitch alive. So from now on, unless you're my husband, you can all go ahead and call me Holly. Not Holly-Wood, not Holly Mann. Holly. Straight and to the point. Cher, Madonna, Pink, Holly. ALIX You forgot Prince. And Elvis. No, wait, Elvis had a surname... Chewbacca! Did Chewbacca have a surname? MELODY Funny fact about Chewbacca, George Lucas originally... DECENZO Shut up! Now we've got the formalities out of the way, there's only one more thing us three need to do and that's rip you Nerdlys to shreds in front of all these people. And Jade, I want you to take a close look, because come New Year's Spectacular, you're going to get the same treatment. Not because you're a Nerdly. Just because we can! Dropping the microphone, the newly re-christened Lorelei DeCenzo leads Megan and Holly to the ring. Maggie, Melody and Molly all look ready for a fight as the trio march around the ring. COLE Miss Nerdly has been gatecrashed! The women of the OAOAST at odds, it's time for the Nerdlys of the world to join hands and come together, not for world peace, but for their own survival! The three Nerdlys continue to stand guard while their three tormenters pace on the floor, ready for the fight to come! *COMMERCIAL BREAK*