Patty O'Green

Truth.com The shows could go up earlier, but I really like to give any johnny come latelys time to get stuff in so we have a nice full show, so that's really why I do it as late as humanly possible. Unless I got shit to do. If I arbitrarily move em to friday then I'm out gettin my grind on like a QB G should be doing, ya dig. Caked up, draped up, you already know. Gucci glasses, Lex half past quatro, you could see me up in San Quentin rockin a gucci jumpsuit, ya dig?

ZH could theoretically go up tonight I hope I hope, oh how I hope!

OAOAST Zero Hour returns into the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland where the fans are going crazy as usual. However, what isn't usual are the four T.V monitors which during the short digression have been wheeled into ringside, and placed around the ring, one on each side. COLE And we are just moments away from our Boiler Room Brawl, with a big issue to be settled. For weeks, the stench of cynicism has hung over Bohemoth after the accusations made by Mackenzie DeCenzo. And a couple of weeks ago, Christian Wright took it upon himself to 'seek retribution' on his former bodyguard, retribution which would lead to this battle tonight. OAOAST BACKTRACKER As the backtracking ends we return to the arena... but not for long, as the camera cuts away from ringside and to the backstage area. More specifically, it cuts to a green door with an unneccessarily large 'BOILER ROOM' sign on it. COLE Well...there is the Boiler Room... COACH Are you sure? How can you tell!?! COLE Sarcasm aside, and ignored, Bohemoth is apparantly in the boiler room already. We're just waiting on Christian now. Once both men are in the room, the match will start and the first man to leave the confines of the Boiler Room will be declared victorious. --------------------------------------------------------- In the hallway leading to the boiler room, Christian Wright heads towards the makeshift battleground. As the camera pans a little wider, we then see why he might look as confident as he does. Backing him up, The Enterprise's Director Of Security CPA pats him on the back as they reach the boiler room door. After an exchanged fist-bump, CPA then takes his position, arms folded beside the door while Christian carefully enters. Also stood at the door, referee Mike Chioda seems a little wary of this but doesn't have any grounds to do anything about it, so keeps his mouth shut. COLE Oh I smell a rat already. What the hell is this about, CPA standing by? COACH Well, you've gotta have somebody guarding the door. Make sure nobody gets in. COLE Or out, as the case may be. Once inside, Wright begins to look around the relatively spacious boiler-room for any signs of movement. Seeing none, he takes another deep breath, knowing that although he'd be much safer were he to leave now, he has a mission to carry out for his Enterprise... and begins to creep forward down the ramp. On his way, he's smart enough to pick up a 2x4 for protection which seems to fill him with a little more confidence. Until Bohemoth steps out from behind a stack of pipes, dressed in his street clothes. Suddenly the 2x4 doesn't seem so powerful to Christian. But it's the best he's got, so continues to wield it as threateningly as he can manage, while Bo simply walks forward towards him. WRIGHT Back, fiend! Back I say! Bohemoth just glares dead ahead, as he reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a nightstick! BOHEMOTH I don't think so. Christian's eyes bug forward and he looks down at his 2x4... before tossing it to the side and making a beeline for the door! Bohemoth is one step ahead of him though, charging towards the door and is just able to tackle Christian to the floor before he can make an escape. A desperate Wright begs off, as Bo drags him away from the door and further into the boiler room, a wide smile on his face as he does so. Once Bo releases him, Wright tries to scramble away again... *OOOOF!* ...but gets clubbed in the ribs with the nightstick! Bohemoth grins again, as the tosses the nightstick aside sending an echoing clunk around the room. Holding his gut, Wright moans and groans in pain as meanwhile Bohemoth takes his time in stepping around him, creating a block between Christian and the door. Wright uses that 'block'... i.e Bohemoth... to drag himself back up, before firing a weak right hand to the gut. Bo simply shrugs it off and grabs Christian by the hair before throwing him into the rail at the side of the ramp... *CLANK!* ...which promptly collapses, sending Christian flying onto a heap of wooden palettes!!! COLE Oh my. Wright wails out in pain, falling off the palettes and to the floor as Bohemoth follows after him. Already Christian looks to be out of his depth, taking a kick to the head from Bo... who turns moments later to grab a wooden palette and drop it to the floor. Again Christian tries to crawl away, but gets caught by Bo and pulled to his feet. A right hand has little effect on the bigman. Neither does a knee. So Wright goes to the last resort, a thumb to the eye, and a boot to the balls! BOHEMOTH Ungghhhhh! Bohemoth groans and collapses against the palette pile. Christian is quick to grab him and send him head-first into them, before starting a hunt for a decent weapon which ends quickly as he finds a metal pipe. Turning around, Wright wields that pipe and swings... ...but Bohemoth ducks! Wright ends up swinging right around, straight into a hard right hand! The pipe goes flying, Wright goes flying... as meanwhile, Bo grabs one of the palettes and breaks a length of wood off. However, before he can use it, Wright has disappeared out of sight. BOHEMOTH Come on you son of a bitch! Where you at!? Obviously Christian doesn't answer... wherever he is. So Bohemoth is left to search around, still clutching the piece of wood... *CRACK!* ...but suddenly gets a piece of wood broken over his back by Wright, who suddenly re-appears as if by magic. Bo collapses forward, but takes the pain like a MAN~ and lets out a wry chuckle. Shocked, Wright grabs him by the arm and looks for an irish whip. It's quickly reversed however, with Bohemoth pulling Christian forward into a short-arm clothesline! Wright bounces off the cold, concrete floor like a ball, getting right back up which isn't best advised, as Bo nails him with a second clothesline! This time Christian doesn't get up, preferring instead to crawl forwards towards one half of the wooden 'plank' he broke moments ago. But Bo stops him, dragging him to his feet and administering an irish whip of his own... *CRACK!* ...sending The Natural straight into side of the pile of palettes! Wright staggers away, into Bohemoth's clutches again for another irish whip... *CRAAASH!!!* ...denting a handily placed filing cabinet! WRIGHT OH! Oh, lord! Wright closes up his body tight in pain as he collapses to a kneeling position. Bohemoth measures his arch rival up and backs up to take a charge at Wright, looking for a Facewash. Christian is able to duck however, leaving Bohemoth's right boot to connect with the cabinet... and even that doesn't no sell, denting severely! Bohemoth quickly shakes off the pain in his foot, as Wright has had enough and decides to play some cat-and-mouse by running off. COLE That may be Christian's best possible tactic. Run like hell. COACH To the untrained eye this may seem like running. However, intelligent minds such as mine will be able to inform you, he's only really jogging. Clearly tiring of all this attempted stalling, Bohemoth glares into the empty space in front of him. Wherever Christian has gone, he's made sure to hide himself well. Angrily Bo walks forward, keeping a relative caution as he does so. BOHEMOTH Come on Christian... Bohemoth reaches what seems to be some sort of holder for a heap of pipes, smiles at his luck and picks up one thin, metal pipe from the stack... ...which we see Christian Wright is hiding under! COLE Look at that cowardly... COACH SSSHHH! He's trying to hide... COLE Bohemoth can't hear us. COACH I know that! I'm just trying to build some atmosphere. Jerk. With the pipe in his hands, Bo looks around the boiler room. BOHEMOTH Come on Christian... there's no point in hiding. Sooner or later, you're going to... *CLANK!* *KEEEE - RRRRAAAASSSSSSSSHHHH!!* Suddenly, Bohemoth weilds around with the pipe which collapses the structure holding the pipes, and causes them all to come crashing down on top of Christian!! You'd expect Bo to be shocked. Or surprised. But instead, he just smiles, showing Wright that he knew where he was the whole time. "...get hurt." Wright groans in pain, as Bohemoth lifts up the pipe... *CLANK!* ...before smashing it over the dozens that cover Wright! Christian quickly scrambles out from under the pipes, dragging himself to his knees. Bo meanwhile exchanges his pipe for a smaller one, which is easier to swing. But he doesn't get a chance to use it, as Wright lunges forward and hits a punch to the ribs. Bohemoth doubles over, as Wright claws around and grabs a pipe, bringing it between Bo's legs. WRIGHT You shall harm no more! *clank!* "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd in the arena groan, as does Bo in the Boiler Room. Christian meanwhile pulls himself up, clearly still groggy from the pipe shower he experienced. He has enough presence of mind to grab Bohemoth by the head and jeans, wheel him around and slam him into the wall however. Bo smacks off the wall, stumbling back into Wright's grasp and quickly getting sent right back into the wall. Not wanting a third visit, Bohemoth stumbles away from Wright as best possible, and around the corner of the wall. COACH Now who's running? The rapist, that's who. COLE People who answer their own questions are assholes. Suddenly, confidence fills Wright's head as he decides to follow after Bohemoth... *PHHHHFFFFTT!!* ...which proves a mistake, as Bo lets off a fire extinguisher towards Wright's path. CW is unable to get his arms up in time, taking the dehabilitating smoke to the face. Bohemoth meanwhile releases the nozzle of the extinguisher and rips it off the wall, before charging forwards... *CLUNK!* ...and nailing Wright over the head with it! Christian hits the floor like a sack of spuds, with the fire extinguisher doing the same just a foot to the side of him. Bo is still up though... and taking his belt off. Seeing it, and thinking god knows what, Wright freaks and tries his best to scramble away in his dis-orientated state. He doesn't get far before Bo has the belt off and loops it around Christian's throat, using it to choke The Natural! COACH You see! He's a sick freak! This is probably what he did to Mackenzie! COLE Well, we still don't know any of that happened. We do know what Christian did though attacking Bohemoth three weeks ago. COACH That's no excuse for this kind of sadism! Frantically Wright struggles to break free from Bohemoth's grip. But the belt around his throat halts any progress he looks to make, not to mention choking the life out of him. Still Wright tries to crawl away, as Bo releases the belt and instead starts to choke Wright with his forearm. Knowing he's in trouble, Christian swings wildly back with a series of elbows which Bohemoth avoids each time. Christian keeps swinging though... "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!" ...until suddenly Bohemoth groans in pain and releases the hold, as a right leg belonging to Christian finds it's way up and between Bo's legs. The Meterosexual Monster doubles over, as Wright stumbles off, returning with a trash can full of wood and cardboard... *THUD!* ...and denting it over Bo's head! Bohemoth falls back against a workbench, as Wright heaves up the trashcan again. COACH There we go, take out the trash Christian! With Wright marches towards him with the trashcan overhead again, the groggy Bohemoth reaches out for the first thing that comes to hand. That being a wrench, which he clips CW in the knee with while ducking the swing of the can... *KE - RASH!!!* ...which Christian loses control of, seeing it fly through a window behind the bench. COACH That's gonna cost us. Hobbled, the lost trash can is the least of Christian's concerns now as Bohemoth grabs him around the head. He drags him off through the boiler room, keeping him quiet with some left hands to the body as he does so. Approaching the heart of the boiler room, Bohemoth throws Christian forward into a huge heating tank. CW's head THUDS off of the side of it and he staggers backwards towards another heavy piece of machinery. He falls against a pipe before realising how hot it is, lurching away from it. Unfortunately, he lurches into a right hand. But a knee manages to cut Bo off and using what he just learned, Christian grabs his opponent in a side healdock, looking to force his head against the burning hot steel pipe! COLE Oh no, he's trying to scold Bohemoth against that pipe! This could disfigure the man for life! COACH Good. Bohemoth instinctively puts his hands up against the pipe to block, soon learning the same mistake CW made moments earlier. He quickly pulls them away, but before his head can touch the metal he catches Wright in the gut with an right hand. And a second. That fends Christian off, but he comes right back with a european uppercut and a knifedge chop to the chest. Wright then grabs hold of Bohemoth and irish whips him, sending him into a ladder which goes toppling to the floor. WRIGHT What say you now, heathen!? Wright picks up a box of some description, slamming it over Bo's back. It being made of cardboard it has virtually no effect. So, in a fix, Wright quickly slaps on a Sleeper Hold. COLE Trying to put the bigman out here. And if he does, he'll have a free route to the door and the victory. Getting to his feet, Bohemoth backs up and squashes Christian up against another water tank. Wright hangs onto the sleeper though, forcing his way up onto Bohemoth's back and making him carry his weight. Backing up again Bohemoth manages to put the back of Christian's head into an overhanging pipe. That breaks the sleeper and leaves CW looking dazed. Bohemoth staggers away a few steps, then turns and charges... only for Wright to pull off a quick lift, putting Bo face-first into the pipe! COACH How about that? COLE Very resourceful on Christian's part that's for sure. After a boot to the head Wright leaves Bohemoth, retrieving the fallen ladder. Wright folds it shut and props it up against one of the sturdiest looking water tanks. Laying a few feet away is another, smaller ladder. Wright picks that up and holds it to his chest as he charges at Bohemoth... and slams it into his back. WRIGHT You see fit to moniker yourself 'Monster'? Hah! Wright brings the ladder down on his opponent again. WRIGHT Look upon you now, pitiable brute! Christian picks Bohemoth up... but Bo fires back with a punch to the gut. And a second. Defensively Wright tries to apply a front facelock, but Bohemoth shrugs him off, quickly getting to his feet and delivering a big boot to the jaw! The shot rocks CW, who stays on his feet but staggers a couple of steps backwards. Picking himself back up, Bohemoth suddenly lets out a low growl and charges, hitting Wright with a football tackle... *KE-RACK!!!!!* ...AND DRIVING HIM BACK INTO THE LADDER, WHICH COMPLETELY FOLDS IN HALF AS CHRISTIAN'S BODY IS SLAMMED AGAINST IT!!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH COLE OH MY GOD! With a look of agony on his face, Christian lays against the mangled ladder with Bohemoth laid out to the side of him catching his breath. Neither man is quick to move, save for Wright's body rolling off of the ladder and to the cold floor. COLE Unbelievable! The ladder broke in half and so too might have Christian Wright's spine! COACH Okay, enough is enough, get somebody back there to help Christian. Bohemoth picks himself back up, discarding the broken ladder. At his feet lies Wright, barely able to move let alone defend himself. Bo isn't done with him yet though and grabs a hold of one of the limp limbs, dragging him through the boiler room by the wrist. Wright's bare back screeches against the floor as he's dragged into position, before being lifted to his feet... and irish whipped into a door leading to the arena's electrics. Hitting the door hard, Wright stumbles out into a clothesline. BOHEMOTH GET UP! Unable to do as he's told Wright tries his best to crawl away instead, getting nowhere fast. Bohemoth stomps him in the back before grabbing a mop, waiting for Christian to get to all fours before *SNAP*ing it across his back. COLE He's just mopping the floor with him now! COACH C'mon, this isn't funny! COLE No, it's payback. And it's been dished out in a big way by Big Bo. Bohemoth walks away from Wright, returning dragging a TABLE by the legs! Setting it, Bohemoth grabs Wright and starts to pick him up. Almost dead weight, Wright falls against the table which is laden with cardboard boxes, a couple of which go flying. After a shot to the back, Bo pulls Wright off the table again and holds him by the head... before getting SURPRISED BY A FACEFUL OF POWDER!! BOHEMOTH AAAAAHHHHH! AH, *bleep!* COACH Yes! COLE Powder right in the eyes. And I don't think Christian brought that with him, I think he stumbled upon it. Who knows what kind of substance that powder is if it was laying around in a boiler room! With Bohemoth temporarily blinded, he falls around trying to reach out and get some sort of feel for where he is. Going back to the table, Wright finds a piece of wood, smashing it over Bohemoth's head! The bigman falls to one knee still pawing at his eyes, while Christian lies in wait, before delivering an STO! COLE Oh! Did you hear the THUD of Bohemoth's head hitting the floor!? COACH I did and I loved it. I'm sure that was music to Mackenzie DeCenzo's ears! Pushing up Wright finds himself just metres away from the exit door... but mere inches away lays Bo's nightstick, and you can guess which Wright goes for. WRIGHT And now, 'Monster'... your preeminent demise! COACH ...yeah, WAFFLE HIM! Grabbing the nightstick, Wright lines Bohemoth up as he gets to his feet and swings with the weapon. Bo sees it coming though, ducking underneath the shot and nailing a punch to the gut. Now Christian doubles over as Bo grabs hold of the nightstick and yanks it out of Wright's hands, quickly clocking him in the forehead with it! COACH NO! That's not fair! COLE You were all for Wright using it! COACH That was different! He was only using it for karmic purposes. Down goes Wright, and seemingly Bo has done enough to appease himself and decides to go for the door. If he can find it through his cloudy vision. But somehow, Wright has enough left to grab desperate hold of Bo's jeans. More irritated than prohibited, Bo turns around and stomps Christian in the head... not once but twice, before pulling his leg away. Now Wright is in trouble, as he's annoyed Bo. Walking off to where the wooden palettes lay, Bohemoth picks up a couple of them and drops them to the small ramp leading to the door. Christian meanwhile has got to all fours and has crawled over. Bohemoth nails him with another kick and pulls him up, looking down at the palettes and smiling. BOHEMOTH Any last words? Wright tries to answer but can't, partly because Bohemoth is taking him up off his feet... *CRAAAACCK!* ...AND DELIVERING THE SPINEBUSTER ONTO THE WOODEN PALETTES!!! The crowd in the arena cheer wildly at what they see, as Wright groans in pain amongst the now broken palettes. Bohemoth meanwhile shrugs Christian off and decides to go for the door. COLE A dominating performance from Bohemoth, gaining retribution in his fight to clear his name. What a war! Bohemoth takes one last look at Christian before opening the door... ...AND GOING DOWN, as he's ambushed by CPA! COLE HEY! Hey, what the hell!? COACH Clear his name? His name is mud Michael and he's about to get ground into the dirt where he belongs! COLE We knew there could be no good from CPA waiting outside the boiler room. This was a set-up! Nailing Bo with a double axehandle, CPA follows him as he stumbles down the ramp. Already having gone through a fight Bohemoth struggles to fight back as CPA takes it to him with heavy right hands. A hard headbutt then sends Bohemoth staggering backwards. CPA runs at Bohemoth with another hard right before wheeling him around, throwing him head-first into the table still stood ready. With Bo hurt, CPA takes a look over to Christian and sees he's in a bad way and not able to take advantage of the opening. So he grabs Bohemoth and looks to put him away more decisively as he sets him in a gutwrench. COLE This is ridiculous, Bohemoth had this match won and now, CPA on the attack! Setting, CPA shows SCARY strength as he muscles up the 280 plus pound Bohemoth for the Dominator. But, Bohemoth manages to escape from Allen's shoulder! Landing on his feet, Bohemoth spins CPA around and scoops him off his feet... ...THEN DRILLS HIM THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A SPINEBUSTER!! COLE BOOM! There goes CPA! COACH Damnit. COLE Nobody can stop the malcontented Monster! Bohemoth picks himself up, shaking off the effects of the surprise attack. Christian is still laid out on the palettes and with CPA now down, there's no-one to stop Bohemoth, as he limps his way up the ramp and exits the door, greeted by Mike Chioda to officially end the match! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the Boiler Room Brawl... BOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd in the arena celebrate Bohemoth's victory as he stretches out a twinge in his back. Looking back into the boiler room he surveys the broken bodies laid amongst broken tables and broken palettes, before he heads off leaving them behind. COLE On a night where The Enterprise were looking to put away Bohemoth once and for all, they may just have succeeded in awakening the Monster! COACH I just hope there's somebody guarding Mackenzie right now. There's a pervert on the loose and two men down, somebody get some security back there and guard that woman's life! COLE I think you ought to be worrying about Theodore Moneymaker more than Mackenzie. And maybe Bohemoth might have a chance to get his on hands Mister Moneymaker on Halloween Night the day of our next spectacular event on TSM! BIRDS OF A FEATHER...R-LOCKED TOGETHER LIVE! HALLOWEEN NIGHT ON TSM The camera cuts to the backstage area where Colombian Heat is shown pacing back and forth. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat is wearing his regular ring attire. He has a serious look on his face as he paces back and forth. COLE And there is Colombian Heat. One of the six men going to enter the Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell. Heat is competing in his second Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell, but this one, you have to believe, means more to him than the last one, after what the Deadly Alliance did to him two weeks ago! COACH Will he quit crying about that and move on!? Geeze! Sandman9000 has a thousand scars on his back and you don't hear him complaining! COLE I don't recall Heat ever crying or complaining about what happened to him two weeks ago. And Sandman9000 ENJOYS pain anyway, so he doesn't count. COACH He's a far tougher man than that punk Colombian Heat could ever be, and he will prove it tonight! And then Alfdogg will take his best friend's OAOAST World Heavyweight Title in the main event! COLE Both Badd Boyz will be in action here tonight! Colombian Heat in the Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell IV, and Tha Puerto Rican defending the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Alfdogg in our main event! Both matches are coming up later tonight!

"RAAAAHHHHH!" "RAAAAHHHHH!" "RAAAAHHHHH!" Those primal sounds are made by "The Samoan Wrecking Ball", Faqu, going through a strange warm-up routine of doing reps with an empty gas bottle. James Blonde kneels a safe distance away encouraging his wild Samoan running buddy, until Faqu throws the bottle away with a metallic *clunk*. Fired up the Samoan beats his chest yelling in his native tongue, while a slightly nervous looking James Blonde applauds him. COLE Faqu, clearly ready to step inside the Heartland Chamber Of Hell tonight. COACH I hope for everyone else's sake Faqu doesn't start out inside a chamber. He's unstable as it is, without caging the animal and then releasing him to fight! COLE Okay, up next we will see the Women's Championship on the line. The feel-good story of the Summer Jade Rodez-Duncan proved herself to the world last month when she finally overcome the seemingly unbeatable Malaysia Nerdly at AngleSlam, to win the Women's Title and make Mom proud. But she's soon found out that being Women's Champ doesn't stop there. The honeymoon was brought to an end by Megan Skye in tag team action just a couple of weeks later. And now, Jade has another battle to prove herself here at Zero Hour, facing Megan one on one in her first title defence. COACH And we're gonna find out once at for all if, as expected, Jade's win at AngleSlam was a fluke. Because if it was Megan will expose her for the fraud she is real quick. COLE Megan has led her man Landon Maddix to three World Championships here and in the SWF. She's also been Women's Champion of the SWF, although I'm told that doesn't really count for much whatsoever. But, the fact is, Megan may not be Malaysia but she's still a formidable test for Jade. A very different test. Jade found a way to overcome Malaysia's brute force and power, but Megan will strike fast and wrestle smart and Jade will need a totally different gameplan tonight. COACH And like I told you on Thursday, Jade ain't got no game. COLE Let's not get into the grammar arguement again, shall we? Instead let's go to the ring. "Slide Away" by Oasis plays as the challenger emerges through the entrance way. Megan Skye walks with her head held high to the ring, a confident look on her face as she climbs the ring steps. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing the challenger... from Providence, Rhode Island. She is the brains behind Cucaracha Internacional... MMMEEEEEEEEEEEGGAAAAAAANN... SSSSSSSSKKYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan warms up throwing a shadow punch combo with her heavily taped hands. COLE A big chance for Megan tonight and a chance for her to restore some pride for her man Landon, at the expence of the Duncan family. COACH The scourge of the Duncan family, but yeah, the Duncan family all the same. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, to a BIG reaction. Bounding through the entrance way comes Jade Rodez-Duncan, pulling the Women's Title from around her waist and raising it exuberantly over her head, as if to say "look at me, I'm the Women's Champion!" Spotting a particularly large sets of signs spelling out 'J A D E' towards the back of the arena Jade points them out and seems to get lost in the amazement that someone would devote their time to cutting the letter of her name out of bright orange cardboard and bring them to a wrestling show all for little ol' her, as she forgets to tag any hands until she's halfway down the aisle. BUFFER And her opponent! She now resides in Los Angeles, California... the second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jade enters demurely underneath the bottom rope before climbing the turnbuckles, again raising the belt with excitement, while pulling the hem of her cheerleader skirt down with a little embarrassment. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" As she jumps off the turnbuckles Jade turns to see Megan watching, looking very unimpressed. And suddenly Jade is hit by an attack of nerves. The smile disappears and she loses all the small but improved confidence she brought with her, as she hands her title belt over to referee Charles Robinson. COACH Look at her, like a deer in headlights. Face it, it's over. COLE The bell hasn't even rung yet Coach. Can you just tone your cynicism down even a little? COACH You're right, I'm sorry. Jade takes deep, controlling breaths and tries to calm herself down as Robinson holds the belt up for the crowd. After checking both women are ready, and getting a less than convincing answer on one side, he then signals to the timekeeper's table. *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Okay, there's the bell. Now it's over. Cautiously Jade leaves her corner, circling with Megan who looks much more at ease. After sizing each other the two ladies lock up. And it's the older, wiser Megan who slides behind Jade with a waistlock, taking her up off her feet and to the canvas. Megan controls Jade for a few seconds before getting up and backing away, arrogantly allowing the Champion get to her feet. Pushing up to her knees Jade puts her hands on her hips. COACH See? COLE That was only the first exchange. COACH And it's a humilatingly easy victory for Megan Skye. Let's see if the trend continues shall we? Jade picks herself up and tries to steel herself as another lock-up comes. This time Jade surprises Megan by applying a side headlock which gets a cheer in itself from the Cleveland crowd. From there Jade has nothing though, as Megan slips out and trips Jade's leg. Jade hits the canvas face-first and holds her face, left embarrassed again as Megan again backs away and lets her up. COLE Well, I think Jade really needs to avoid trying to exchange holds with Megan, that much is clear. COACH Yeah, none of that complicated stuff, like HEADLOCKS! Memo to Krista, it ain't too late to consider adoption. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" It's clear the fans are still on Jade's side though and she takes a little heart from that as she gets to her feet. Again they lock-up and there's a jockeying for position, before Megan goes behind with the waistlock. Jade tries to find an escape but comes up empty-handed, so instead resorts to throwing an elbow! Megan gets caught on the jaw and lets go of the waistlock, Jade turning around and staying on the attack throwing forearm strikes! Three forearms back Megan up near the ropes before Jade leaves her feet, with a dropkick which connects in the midsection, sending Skye spilling through the ropes and to the arena floor! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Not the most graceful of dropkicks, but it was effective. As Megan picks herself up, Jade looks to the crowd who are encouraging her to follow-up. Jade seems to get an idea, not one she seems completely sure of but an idea all the same, as she backs across the ring. COLE Wait a second, Jade's not thinking what I think she is, is she? COACH I hope not. She hardly the most aero-dynamic person alive. Jade reaches the opposite side of the ring and there's excitement in the crowd, as she waves the referee out of her way. A deep breath later, she runs across the ring aiming right towards Megan. Ducking her head, Jade prepares to throw herself through the middle rope with a suicide dive... *SMACK!* "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...BUT MEGAN CUTS HER OFF WITH A KICK TO THE HEAD!!! COACH HAHA! Beautiful! COLE Megan with the interception, and how! That could have been a knockout right there. As Jade slumps back into the ring, Megan flicks the hair from her face to reveal a smirk. She takes her time re-entering the ring and when she does, she drops an elbow to the back of Jade's neck. Jade holds her head, as Megan drops a second elbow. The challenger then turns Jade over and sticks a knee in the back as she applies a rear chinlock. COLE That perhaps ill-advised, high-risk attempt from Jade could come back to haunt her in the end as Megan now takes control with a chinlock. To be honest, I'm not really sure what Jade was thinking. Suicide dives and high-risk moves really aren't her style. COACH Nope, but they are Mommy's style. Maybe if Jade stopped trying to make Mommy happy all the time, she wouldn't fail so often. Megan pulls back on Jade's jaw as referee Robinson checks if she wants to give up. Despite the throbbing pain in her head and now her neck, JRD refuses to give in though, trying to gut it out through the pain while she gets her bearings back. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" The crowd try to lend their support again and Jade tries to feed off it, but it's clear she's in a bad way. Eventually, Skye releases the hold. But she doesn't release Jade, holding her in place by the hair as she drives the point of her elbow across the top of the head. COLE That kick really seems to have shaken Jade up. Jade crawls away to a corner and uses the ropes to pull herself up. Following after her opponent, Megan delivers a boot in the corner, then whips Jade's head back from a hard forearm strike. A second forearm does the same, dropping Jade to one knee. Megan stops and extends her arms, asking the fans if this is all the competition the Champion can give her. COACH This is just easy for Megan right now. COLE She's certainly taking it easy. And Malaysia found out what a mistake that can be last month, didn't she? With Jade trapped in the corner, Megan climbs to the middle rope. With her left leg on the rope, she then places her right across the side of Jade's head... and starts to SCRAPE the sole of her boot across the Women's Champion's face repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Ugh! Look at this! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" Megan breaks the hold and steps off the ropes to a warning from the referee, while poor Jade falls down in the corner covering up her face. COACH Don't worry girl, ain't nobody gonna be losing sleep over that. Picking Jade up, Megan snapmares her out of the corner. The challenger follows up with a hard dropkick to the back, again whiplashing Jade's neck. Megan follows up with a cover... 1... 2... No! As Jade sits up, Megan quickly traps her in the rear chinlock once again. COLE And again, a very controlled offence from Megan, as we expected. COACH And Jade with no answer for it like I expected. COLE You must be so proud of yourself. Again, the Cleveland fans try to get behind the little girl in the cheerleader outfit as she's put at the challenger's mercy. Face showing the strain, Jade looks to be in trouble. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" The support only gets louder though, until Jade starts to react. Digging down deep she starts to stomp a foot, showing she's still in the match. Then, she suddenly turns around onto her knees. Megan holds onto the chinlock but Jade gets to her feet and puts everything she has behind an elbow to the gut. Megan clings on, so Jade delivers a second elbow. And a third. Free of the hold, Jade then drops Megan with a clothesline. COLE And back comes the Champion! What heart being shown here! Jade fires up, knocking Megan down with a back elbow to the face as she gets back up. Suddenly the nervous looks from early in the match are gone and there's an intensity in Jade's eyes! As Megan recovers, Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Skye down with another big clothesline! JADE COME ON!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Exclusive: this Rich Little Blonde Girl Kicks Ass! COACH I dunno where she's getting this from. Sending Megan into a corner, Jade follows her in with an ode to her uncle, driving DOUBLE KNEES at the challenger's (ample (no homo)) chest. Megan staggers from the corner as Jade keeps on running and hits the ropes. As she comes back though, her reckless abandon costs her as Megan is able to counter with a Powerslam! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Yes, got her! 1... 2... NO! COLE Only two, we were close to a new Women's Champion right there. COACH It's only a matter of time now. Whatever possessed Jade for those few seconds is gone now and all Megan has to do is finish her. Looking to do just that, Megan drops to a crouching position and measures Jade as she gets back up. Despite the many warnings being yelled at her Jade gets to her feet, all her momentum snuffed out. And as she turns around, Megan is waiting... ...with the CHICK KICK!! COLE OH! Caught her with the kick, and that, sadly, should do it. COACH What did I tell you. A quiet comes over the crowd as Megan, dusting her hands, drops down and makes the lateral press... 1... 2... NO, SHOULDER UP!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT?! COLE ONLY TWO! Jade kicks out, it was the Chick Kick that put her away on HeldDOWN, but NOT tonight! Megan looks shocked and complains to the referee that it should have been three. "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" Breaking away from the referee Megan grabs Jade by her expensively styled blonde hair and drags her to her feet roughly. By the hair, she throws her face-first into the top turnbuckle pad. Megan then lifts herself up onto the second rope and hooks hold of Jade by the head. COLE But now Megan looking for the Skye Lyte, if she hits this it will be over! Realising that, Jade fights back with a shot to the stomach. Megan holds on, but Jade fires another shot. And a third. Skye loses hold of the head and Jade quickly takes advantage, as she turns her back on Megan, grabbing hold of both arms and bringing her forwards off the turnbuckles, sitting out to drive her impactfully into the mat!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE No, Jade had the counter! COACH You've got to be kidding me! Still dazed, Jade struggles to follow up after the big move. She has to literally push herself off the second turnbuckle she's fallen against and almost falls on top of Megan as much as covering her... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Even you have to give Jade some credit at this point Coach. She's proving herself all over again, as if she needed to after AngleSlam. COACH You mean by hanging onto this match by the skin of her teeth? Face it, Megan's still firmly in control. Jade's getting a few offensive bursts in but that's about it. COLE You and I must be watching different matches. Both Jade and Megan struggle to pull themselves up. First up is Megan, with just enough time to spare to catch Jade with a sharp right hand. The shot sends Jade sprawling across the ring caught by surprise. But Jade shows her tenacity by getting right back up and nailing Megan with a retaliatory forearm! Megan shakes it off and connects with another quick jab, then strikes with a kick to the leg. Jade comes back with another forearm though and even encourages Megan to come back at her. COLE I think those fighting Duncan genes are kicking in! Looking at little surprised at the little girl standing up to her, Megan puts her kickboxing on display with two quick kicks. Jade has no answer to that and Skye quickly grabs her. Scooping her onto her shoulders, Megan carries Jade around... but Jade escapes, wrapping Megan up in the cobra clutch before pulling her down into the knee with the backbreaker! Megan arches off the knee and holding her back, she falls into a corner. Backing up, JRD charges in at her... but takes an elbow. COLE Ooh, got caught there. As Jade goes backwards, Megan comes out of the corner and aims for the head with another CHICK KI... ...NO! Jade ducks the kick... and grabs a hold of Megan's head as she's off-balance, pulling her down with the patented Duncan reverse x-factor!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE There it is! Jade Got It From Her Momma and she's gonna get the win? 1... 2... 3!!! COLE YES! *DINGDINGDING!* "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Jade rolls away from Megan and with great relief is handed her championship belt. BUFFER Here is your winner... and STILL the OAOAST Women's Champion... JJJAAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Clutching the title in her arms, Jade drags herself up the turnbuckles and raises it over her head. COLE Jade dedicating her victory to this Cleveland crowd who certainly played their part in what was a tough title defence for the Women's Champion. And it's the heart and desire of that young lady that shone through at the end. Congratulations to Jade Rodez-Duncan! COACH Could you be any more bias, towards this poor excuse for a Champion loser? Huh? Could ya? COLE *sighs* Jade rolls herself out of the ring and celebrates the victory with some fans in the front row, who quickly overwhelm her by pulling her in for hugs and leaning over her to get their faces on camera. A quite shaken Jade manages to pull herself away from the overzealous fans though and decides to find some less rowdy people to celebrate with, a couple of young children and their parents. Megan sits up in the ring looking pissed at her defeat and scowling at Jade, as she heads to the back. COLE Folks a fantastic title match we just had between Jade and Megan on an already fantastic show. Switching gears a bit, Melody Nerdly was at the fortress of Nerdlytude this week. COACH Good heavens, man, you say that Fortress of Nerdlytude crap with a straight face to. COLE Anyway! She has some exciting news for all you fans out there, so let's take a look! COACH Fortress of Nerdlytude. Fortress of Nerdlytude. Nope, can't do it. Can not do that. What if I tried sounding it out for-tr-ess Damn, son! Before Melody became captain of the starship OAOAST she was but a lowly computer geek patrolling the hallways of the fortress of Nerdlytude. Let us go there! Let us go the house that 10% of the company and 85% of the females in the OAOAST grew up in. Our current view is of the Nerdly master game room, an area that's stunningly organized despite having been home to the activities of god knows how many children. A giant plasma television framed by two massive speakers sits at the head of the room, bellow a family portrait that's almost as big as the TV itself. Amazingly there's not a single videgame system to be seen as they're all stashed away operated by a master control box linked to the TV. Nerdly's do not like the clutter! The controllers for the game systems are numerous however dating all the way back to Colecovision, and there's an entire wall dedicated to instruments for rock band and guitar hero. One wall features bookcases filled with the Nerdly children's individual Madden playbooks as well as records of every score they've racked in every game they've played. Another wall is papered by a row of state of the art AlienWare computers that go down until they reach the miniature concert stage designed for rock band and guitar hero. The concert stage wall isn't actually a wall at all rather, a giant sized space age Ant Habitat the glows a brilliant blue hue. God help us if that ever breaks Perhaps most awesome of all are the three WALL-E remote control robots that handle trash removal, dusting, and drink and snack service, and let us not forget. Or maybe its the fact that the love seat levitates. No lie, read this shit homie! Oh and did I forget to mention the circular doorway is designed to make it look like you're entering the death star. Melody of course has to sit on the floating loveseat, because its floating loveseat damn it! It rules! MELODY Greetings! I am Melody Nerdly, broadcasting this important video from within the fortress of nerdlytude in Edmonton straight to Zero Hour, Myspace, Facebook, Youtube, Dailymotion, Vuze and wherever else anyone may upload it. What are these on my face? These are my intergalactic space glasses. Where can you get them? You can't, so don't ask! What do they do? They let me read your mind without the use of telepathy, of which Alix's ESP class has only advanced me to level three. She says soon I will be able to read the minds of billy goats. Beware billy goats, your secrets are not safe from me. MWAHHHHHA! Thanks to these glasses, the secrets of you viewers aren't safe either. Eighty five percent of you want to know about the brand new game OAOAST No Homo! The other fifteen percent don't know it exists. I'm sorry but I don't deal in noob education, so go off and play with your Wii nunchuck in the closet, while I address the real hardcore gamers. OAOAST No Homo is for you! As long as you own a 360 or a PS3, you can score the newest OAOAST videogame from Capcom, the makers of the great Street Fighter series, Mega Man and the most underrated game you'll never play, Ghouls N Ghosts. MELODY All those other wrestling games you've played are weak sauce. Yes, even No Mercy, and Firepro, CTRL+ALT+DELTE your life fanboys because No Homo is where its at. We've got matches that have never been seen before in games! Chamber Of Hell, Sin City Street Fight, Torneo Cibernetco, War Games, Battle Bowl, and more! My number one friends on Facebook, IGN are helping us with a profile of everyone on the roster until the game is released. Here's the first two of my AIM buddy Alix, and a jerk that will remain nameless because he's a jerk. MELODY I've been on Gamefaqs for months, and I'm stupider because of it, LOLBBQ, and I've heard all kinds of stupid rumors about the roster.! But I'm going to lay the lies to rest and give you the official roster right now...so here it is! If you don't like it, choke on a flaming moe! LOLSIMPSONS1995! MELODY Yeah, that's right I'm in the game! And yeah that's right, I'll probably crush the hell out of you to, so when you reach me in career mode just turn your system off, smash the game into bits, and go out and buy Barbie Superstar Princess for DS. I'll be holding down the fort here in the fortress of Nerdlytude, and keeping you up to date on No Homo for 360 and PS3. I guarantee when you see some more screens, you're going to have a nerdgasm! I know I did! Keep looking towards the Fortress of Nerdlytude, and IGN, because you never know when we're going to bring you screens, profiles, secrets, and 9 on 1 beatings of Logan Mann. Did I mention 10 people on the screen at once? Melody waves goodbye and we lave the awesome Fortress of Nerdlytude to the suddenly blase sofa central COACH Melody forgot to mention the special "PRL mode" where you try to win your job as a WAL*MART greeter back after being fired for being unable to prove you are a documented citizen of this country. Lead PRL through selling fruit on the highway, lingering outside 7-11 hoping to get daywork, going to door to door and seeing if anyone needs their leaves raked, picking up cans on the side of the road so you can 10 cents a pop at the recycling bin, and finally begging for your job back at WAL*MART only to be mugged and shot in the parking lot! Will PRL survive? God I hope not! COLE Why do you continue to antagonize those who could beat you in mere seconds? And have beat you in mere seconds. I will mourn you at your funeral. But folks, let's continue with this great pay per view event as I count down the days until Coach's death.

Backstage, Melissa Nerdly is sitting on a bench as her crack camera crew gets their stuff ready, then stands up as she sees a female backstage worker approach her with a note. WORKER Hey Melissa! I'm supposed to give you this note. MELISSA Here, let me see it! Melissa opens the note, and begins to read it aloud. MELISSA "Dear Melissa, I'm sorry if I came off as rude with my reaction to you last week. I'd love it if you could meet me tonight at the Mariott, so I can make it up to you the right way. Sincerely, Leon" Melissa and the worker look at each other, both with wide-eyed smiles. WORKER Lucky girl! MELISSA Oh, I can't believe it! *looks to her crew* Take the night off, boys. Something just came up! The giddy Melissa hands her mic to the worker, then runs off as the worker looks on. COLE The heck was that all about? COACH I'd have thought that was pretty obvious. "Sympathy For The Devil" hits, and we now take a break from in-ring action, as the arrival of the Enterprise CEO is not for a match, but for a personal vendetta. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to Zero Hour...THEODORE MONEYMAKER! Resounding boos follow the announcement from the best ring announcer in the business, as Moneymaker cockily swaggers his way down the aisle. Stepping into the ring, Moneymaker appears to want to get right to business, claiming the microphone from the legendary Buffer. MONEYMAKER These past few weeks, I have heard nothing but disdain for my decision to be here tonight. I have heard people have the audacity to claim that I would not sign on for a match with Zack Malibu tonight at Zero Hour because I fear him. Right now, I ask that you people get those twisted thoughts out of your head, and do it quick! To think that a man of my stature lives in fear of a worthless pretender, a FRAUD like Zack Malibu, is purely ridiculous! My not signing a contract for a match is going easy on Zackary Malibu, though, because what he has to face tonight is much, much worse. Tonight, Zack Malibu will come face to face with all of his past deeds. Tonight, karma catches up with Zack Malibu, and he will have hell to pay for the lies, for the cheating, the assaults, the attacks, the pulling strings to get his way...tonight Zack Malibu realizes that his own worst enemy was never Stephen Popick, or Crystal, or Bruce Blank, oh no. Tonight Zack Malibu will have to realize that his own worst enemy is his very own self! The fans boo loudly, not satisfied with Moneymaker's excuse for not competing tonight, nor are they happy with his verbal attack on Zack Malibu. MONEYMAKER Go ahead! Go ahead and boo me, hate me, jeer me for revealing the God's honest truth to you people! You're booing because you don't want to admit you've been had! You people can claim that Zack Mailbu is your hero, your savior, your Franchise, but who deemed him fit for that? Ask yourselves that question...how did a man like Zack Malibu become the saving grace of the human race? Because of meticulous planning, of brainwashing, of shoving himself down your throats and spouting his own personal gospel enough that you believed it! I've got news for you people. You turn on your TV's and see Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin and think they're funny, but guess what...THEY'RE NOT REAL. You flip over to see the CSI time crack the big case or to see Lucas and Peyton get back together on One Tree Hill, but THEY'RE NOT REAL. You are laughing, you are crying, you are cheering for FICTIONAL CHARACTERS who have taken over your emotions, just like Zack Malibu! The Zack Malibu that comes out here each and every week, the Zack Malibu that's such a nice guy, that lives, breathes, and bleeds the OAOAST is FICTIONAL. He is a scripted scene of the American dream, people! He's everything that you schlubs in the seats and at home wish you were, he's good looking enough that the women go nuts for him, but that whole "poster boy" act is just that. It's an ACT, people. The REAL Zack Malibu is the one that crept out four years ago, when he blasted Crystal, a WOMAN, with his title belt! The REAL Zack Malibu is the one that got Sly Sommers kicked out of the OAOAST...THE SAME SLY SOMMERS THAT'S HIS BEST FRIEND NOW, MIND YOU...for speaking the truth about him during an interview! The Zack Malibu you all know gets verbally fellated by Michael Cole on television every week, the same Michael Cole that used to have his ass mocked and kicked by the real Zack Malibu! The real Zack Malibu claims to be there for his friends, but how much of a role model can you be when you associate with porn stars and addicts? Zack Malibu is not good for this company, he is not good enough for you people, and he has used his influence to destroy lives, destroy careers. As a pillar of the OAOAST, I can not, I shall not, and I will not let that happen Zack! Tonight, I ask you...I urge you to come to this ring and live up to that fearless attitude that you preach to those who are easily deceived! Come to this ring, Zackary, and face karma in its purest form, because tonight is the night that you are finally exposed! No longer will people have to be wary of my word! No longer will you be able to keep up this facade! Tonight, Zack Malibu shall be seen as the cutthroat that he is! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~! COLE Moneymaker is way out of line tonight. We know Zack's made mistakes in the past. Zack knows that more than anyone, but I'd say over the past several years he's made his amends. Seriously, when was the last time The Thrillogy were even mentioned until now!? COACH It ain't all about that Mikey Cole. Whether you wanna talk about Zack's arrival in 2002, his first title win in 2003, The In Crowd then and now, The Thrillogy, whatever the case...the whole time, Zack's been lying to these people. When brother finally snapped, that was the realest you and I have ever and will ever see him, and that's truth. There's a ton of heat in the arena at this point, and not just the kind that'll make you sweat. Moneymaker is being soundly booed by the fans for his blasphemy, but simply mentions "you'll see" to them as he waits. The crowd is buzzing, booing, and waiting, wanting to see the rich superstar smacked once or twice for his words, and when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, the crowd explodes, as they're going to get their wish. COLE You want to talk about truth, Cole, the truth is that if I were Theodore Moneymaker, I'd be a little on edge right now! Zack is clad in jeans and a t-shirt...not exactly formal wear but he's ready for a fight in case one breaks out. Judging by the expression on his face, there's a strong possibility one will, as he is none too happy with the slanderous Moneymaker's verbal barrage. The fans roar as Zack steps into the ring and stands face to face with Moneymaker, who then turns away to grab another mic, handing it to Zack with a sly, sinister smile. MONEYMAKER You're going to need that, Zack. At least for now, because I guarantee you by the time this is over, you're going to be speechless! MALIBU Is that the best you've got? MONEYMAKER Oh I've got... *SMACK~!* Malibu levels Moneymaker with a slap, and ol' Teddy doesn't take too kindly to having his jaw knocked out of place! MALIBU I'M talking now, because I have heard ENOUGH of you. These people have heard enough of you! MONEYMAKER No, these people have not heard enough, because they haven't heard enough of the TRUTH! You do a good job of putting the blinders on them Zack, but face it, all this, this superhero routine, it's just a cover up! MALIBU A cover up? A cover up of what, exactly? You come out here week after week, claiming that I'm some type of antichrist. That everything I say or do is for show. You've convinced yourself that I'm living a lie, and why exactly? Let's face it Theodore, it boils down to nothing but simple, petty, jealousy! The crowd "oohs", "aahs", and cheers, while TM looks incredulous to that accusation. MONEYMAKER JEALOUS? Of YOU? Now, why, Zackary, would a man of MY stature have to be jealous of you? I can afford the clothes you wear. I have more God given talent in my billion dollar body than you could learn with twenty years of wrestling training. I can get a better looking girl any night of the week than your little trollup at home, and don't have to worry about them being damaged goods like yours became when she popped out your hellspawn! Malibu, incensed now, turns away...then CLOCKS Moneymaker with a right hand! Zack goes after him, but Moneymaker rolls out of the ring, avoiding the assault! MALIBU THAT'S why your jealous, Teddy! You talk about my family all you want, but the last guy who got them involved hasn't been seen in almost two years! You want to bash me, fine. I'm all for it, I've been through it, and I can prove you wrong any day of the week! You might not be jealous of my bank account, and you sure as hell aren't good enough to be a family man or a father. But you're jealous of the fact that I didn't need my money to prove myself. I didn't need to buy anyone off or sign a paycheck to get people to join The In Crowd, or any other faction I've been a part of. I never had to ask to become the driving force of the OAOAST, it was an HONOR, Teddy, an HONOR given to me by the guy who started this company! MONEYMAKER And where is he now, Zack? He's out, he's gone! MALIBU Because of YOU, and again, because of you're jealousy! You hate the fact that you can't bribe me and get me on your payroll. You hate the fact that I've made an honest living out of my career in the OAOAST... MONEYMAKER HONEST? Zack, you are anything but! You're not honest to the locker room, you're not honest to these people, and you're not honest with yourself! MALIBU Strong words coming from a guy who has to buy his way out of trouble! MONEYMAKER Don't mock me for using my money wisely, Zackary. Tonight, you're going to wish you could buy your way out of trouble, believe me. You and I, we're not going to see eye to eye on this, and I know that these fools in the building and at home won't take my word for something, so. It's time. It's time for you to face your past not with another highlight reel of your misdeeds. Tonight, Zack Malibu is going to be exposed for the selfish bastard unworthy of his place in life! Zack Malibu, please turn to the entranceway. Malibu, weary of an attack, slowly turns around, but Moneymaker stays out on the floor. MONEYMAKER I told you that tonight, it would be Zero Hour for you, Zack. Tonight, someone who knows you much better than I do has agreed to expose you. Someone once beloved by these fans. Someone once beloved...by YOU. Malibu, perplexed by that statement, turns to the entry way, where a rather attractive woman in her late 20's appears. Though she looks a little different, it's quite obvious to Zack and many of the longtime fans who it is, as we're able to see by their shocked reactions. MONEYMAKER Never expected THIS, did you, Zack? The person who once knew you better than anyone in this world. Every deep dark secret hidden in your heart and mind was shared with her. You LOVED her, Zack, and you left her sitting by the phone, waiting for a call that never came! You abandoned her for the sake of your own damn career! Now, face your mistakes, Zack. Face your past, because I would now like to announce that I, Theodore Moneymaker, have brought back the one part of The In Crowd that you forgot when you decided to reform it. Zack Malibu, ladies and gentlemen of the viewing audience, please welcome back...ALISON! COACH Ha ha! Your boy Zack never saw this one coming, did he, Mikey Cole? COLE I don't think ANY of us saw this, Coach? Bruce Blank, EvenflowDDT, Stephen Popick...I think those were all names we expected. Some conspiracy theorists even suggested Anglesault himself was in cahoots with Moneymaker, but...Alison? Alison is led by the hand by Moneymaker, and goes up the steps and gets into the ring. Moneymaker hands her his mic and stands on the apron, his face overcome with glee, as Malibu remains confused and angered in the ring. ALISON Hello, Zack. MALIBU What are you doing here, with him? ALISON Wow, the jealousy just comes right out now, doesn't it? Don't worry Zack...I assure you it's strictly a business relationship with Moneymaker, but then again, why would you care? MALIBU You know I didn't mean it like that. I mean, what are you doing with him? Why are you, of all people, siding with this piece of... ALISON Hold on, Zack. Let's have a little history lesson here. Let's explain to those who don't know the truth just why they haven't seen me in FIVE YEARS. Let's explain to the world how you left me, Zack. I did EVERYTHING for you. Being with you tore my family apart, thanks to my psycho brother and you and Evenflow's wars with him. It was because of YOU that Evenflow snapped and became a man that I was afraid of. I sought solace with you, Zack. I trusted you. I LOVED YOU. YOU, however...you thought highly of no one but yourself, and left me to rot! MALIBU I left YOU to rot? July 24, 2003, Alison. That was the last time I ever saw you or said a word to you. That was the night that YOU decided that YOU needed to get out of this business. That life was hard on you. On that night, I stood by, wanting to help you but knowing I couldn't. You asked me to stand by you and I said I would, but then it was YOU who stopped returning calls, it was YOU who stopped showing up at arenas... ALISON ...and it was YOU who hooked up with that tramp right after? Malibu is incensed, as Alison is now targeting the woman he loves. The mother of his child. MALIBU Don't... ALISON Don't what, Zack? Mock your wife? Oh wait, that's right...YOU'RE NOT MARRIED? I guess it's only fitting that a bastard like you has a bastard child. Moneymaker starts laughing, and when Zack makes a move, he plants himself behind Alison, using her as a shield, drawing the ire of the crowd yet again. ALISON Let's face it, Zack. The reason you left me is the same reason you leave her at home, watching your demon spawn. It's the reason why you're too much of a coward to put a ring on her finger and enter the union of marriage. It's the same reason why Theodore Moneymaker found me and brought me here. It's because the only person that matters to Zack Malibu IS Zack Malibu! You don't care about anyone but yourself, and anyone who gets hurt is just collateral damage to you. Think of it, Zack. Evenflow, Superstar, Calvin Szechstein, Hoff...the list goes on, but it began with ME. The list of people that you used up until every ounce of their worth was drained. The people that you surrounded yourself with to protect your titles, your ego, and the fact that you're a fraud. You claim to be a role model to these people? Well, honey, just like Alix told me five years ago, you're no role model. You're not a strong person. ANYONE could do what you do, you just lucked into the spot. You're good at playing a role, but as far as being genuine, you have a tremendous amount to learn. I don't intend to air all your dirty laundry tonight, because that's not what the paying audience wants to see. I will, however, make them want to pay to see you get decimated. I'm going to make these people hate you as much as I do. With that, Alix drops her mic, and steps out of the ring as Moneymaker holds the ropes for her. Moneymaker turns and takes one last look at Zack, who seems to be in a state of shock and confusion moreso than anything. Moneymaker delivers his trademark cackle and walks out of the ring with Alison, leaving Malibu to absorb the shocking return of his former girlfriend.

Yeah, that'd work. If you want it to be part of the show send it to me via the wonderful and mysterious magic of personal messenger system!

I can wait no longer, damn it! I am a man, and I must go and lay my seed in the loamy soil of the earth's reproductive organs! everything can be edited in

Yo, alf! I had to add a few lines of commentary in your six man match just so it flowed with what happened in the previous segment. Hope you don't mind!

-The camera zooms in on the OAOAST Intercontinental Title Belt, hanging 20 feet above the ring. The fans erupt as the lights dim. DING DING DING!! BUFFER "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! The Next Match! Is a 4-Way Dance LADDER MATCH! And is for the OAOAST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP! CUE: "Wet Wipes" by Cam'ron -The fans begin to boo as the curtain opens, and out walks one of two members of the IRA in the match... BUFFER "ENTERING FIRST! From Boston, Massachusetts! Weighing in, at Two Hundred And Five Pounds...he is PATRIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!! CAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!! -The fans boo as Patrick walks out, holding his arms out wide, smiling a cocky grin. His black t-shirt reading "TITLE GOES HERE" with an arrow pointing to his waist. COLE Patrick Callahan's could be considered the Dark Horse in this match, Coach! COACH Dark Horse, my ass! He has a winning attitude now! A few weeks ago, I NEVER would have considered this kid a contender in this match, but now? Patrick Callahan is in my top two to win it! COLE Right behind CMJ, right? COACH Of course. -Patrick slides into the ring and looks up at the title, blowing it a kiss. His music fades out...and straight into. [/b]"COMP-TON! COMP-TON! COMP-TON! COMP-TON!"[/b] CUE: "Real Mothaphukkin G's" by Eazy-E -The fans erupt as the lights begin flashing along with the beat. The curtain opens once again, revealing none other than... BUFFER "ENTERING SECOND! From Compton, California...weighing in...at One Hundred and Ninety Seven Pounds...."CASH MONEY" CUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRTIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! COLE Now here's a man that, win or lose, is going to hurt someone in this match. Mainly Patrick Callahan. COACH Curtis Black is just jealous of Patrick's superior wrestling ability. That's all there is to it. Not only that, but Patrick Callahan is TOUGHER than Curtis Black. Southie Projects versus Compton, California? Yeah...Patrick Callahan is the real deal. -"Cash Money" struts down the aisle, a Philly Blunt hanging out of his mouth. As soon as Curtis makes it to the ring, Patrick hops out, obviously not trying to face the wrath of one the men that he has been annoying for the weeks prior. Curtis slides into the ring, tossing his Philly Blunt at Patrick. His music fades out... CUE: "The Rocky Road to Dublin" by The Young Dubliners -The boos are loud and furious as the curtain flies open, and out walks Colin Maguire, Jr! His normally black track suit is, tonight, replaced with a hunter green one with gold stripes. He looks out at the fans, before hopping side to side, then jogs down to the ring. BUFFER "ENTERING THIRD! From Boston, Massachusetts...weighing in at Two Hundred And Fifteen Pounds..."THE IRISH GOLDEN BOY" COLIN! MAGUIRE! JUUUUUUUUUUUUUNIOR!! COLE Colin Maguire, Jr. is being touted as the "Irish Golden Boy," yet he can't seem to capture the gold against his mortal rival, the Intercontinental Champion, Jereme Grey! COACH Oh, whatever! I'm changing my mind! My pick is CMJ! -Colin slides into the ring, staring down Curtis Black, who is now flanked by the two members of IRA. Curtis tries to keep them both in his view as Colin's music fades out... And the lights go out. CUE: "Rockers to Swallow" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs -The fans go insane!! The lights start pounding along with the beat and the guitar. The curtain once again flies open, and out walks the lovely Evelyn Maguire, who wears some tiny black shorts and white zip up hoody. The men in the crowd go crazy over her, as the curtain once again opens... BUFFER "ENTERING LAST! From Marseille, France...being accompanied to the ring by Evelyn Maguire....weighing in at One Hundred and Seventy Five Pounds...he is the OAOAST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!....JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!! -The fans erupt as Jereme strolls out. He smiles at his lady as he walks past her and down the ramp. Evelyn follows close behind. COLE And the Champion is here!! COACH I would HARDLY call him a champion, Mike. The kid was AWARDED the title by his cousin - who is the OAOAST PRESIDENT, might I add! He's walking out of here empty handed! COLE How can you say he was just GIVEN the title, Coach? We both saw it when he defeated Yoshida Shimizu for the SJPW Cruiserweight Title in Japan, we've seen him defend this belt as the Cruiserweight AND Intercontinental Title TWICE against Colin Maguire, Jr., each time, Jereme Grey comes out on top...week after week. -Jereme slides into the ring, slapping hands with Curtis Black as the music fades out... DING DING DING!!! COLE THE MATCH IS UNDERWAY!! -Curtis Black wastes no time, rushing towards Colin Maguire, Jr. Black swings his arm wildly, looking for a clothesline, but Junior ducks underneath, then almost immediately leaps up, grabbing hold of Curtis' head...WHAMBANGCRASH!!~!~ COLE D-STREET CUTTER!!! -The fans boo as Patrick Callahan rushes towards Curtis, stomping a mudhole into him. Junior stands slowly, his eyes never leaving Jereme, who stands in the corner. Jereme cracks his neck as Colin beckons him forward. The fans are on their feet as Jereme smiles wide. He takes a step forward...AND OUT OF NOWHERE IS HIT WITH A SPIN WHEEL KICK FROM PATRICK CALLAHAN!! The fans boo as Callahan continues to stomp on Jereme, aiming most of his aggression towards the champs injured ribs. Jereme, knowing to avoid this situation by now, grabs onto the bottom rope and slides out, straight into the arms of his little lady. Meanwhile, Junior begins putting the boots to Curtis Black, who is struggling to get back up from the D-Street Cutter. He is soon joined by Callahan, who drives devastating soccer kicks straight into the ribs of Black. Junior grabs Black by his head and picks him up, then turns to Callahan. JUNIOR "Get a ladder!" -Callahan nods and slides out of the ring...AND IS SPEARED BY JEREME GREY INTO THE STEEL STEPS!! The fans erupt as Jereme begins driving his fists into the face of Callahan. After about 10 punches, Jereme stops and stands, and is handed a ladder by Evelyn! Jereme slides it into the ring, and follows it closely. Junior picks Black up, tossing him into the corner turnbuckle. Junior backs up a few feet, then jets forward...AND IS TAKEN OUT WITH A HUGE SUPERKICK FROM CURTIS BLACK!! The fans erupt as Colin Maguire, Jr. rolls out of the ring, clutching at his jaw, while Curtis Black jacks his...jaw. Jereme Grey, on the other hand, is setting up the ladder in the middle of the ring. Curtis turns to him, and the two lock eyes. Curtis smiles a little, as does Jereme...and the two shake hands! The fans erupt as they back away from each other a bit...THEN RUSH FORWARD! A collar-and-elbow tie up occurs, and Jereme gets the upperhand, putting his Curtis into a side head lock...BUT GETS LAID OUT BY A HUGE CLOTHESLINE FROM PATRICK CALLAHAN!! Jereme's head bounces off the mat, causing the ladder to teeter a bit. Callahan drives his boot into the head of Curtis Black, before grabbing hold of the ladder....AND HE SLAMS IT DOWN ONTO THE RIBS OF JEREME GREY! The fans OOOOO as Jereme screams in pain, clutching at his ribs. Callahan quickly grabs the ladder and picks it up, stalking after Curtis, who is starting to stand. Callahan smirks as Curtis turns...WHAM!! The fans groan as Curtis clutches at his forehead and rolls out of the ring, just as CMJ rolls back into the ring, this time carrying a steel chair. COLE Patrick Callahan is wrecking house!! And now Colin Maguire, Jr. has a chair?! COACH The IRA are in control!! WHACK!! COLE WHAT?! Colin Maguire, Jr. just hit Patrick Callahan with the steel chair!! -The fans erupt as Callahan drops the ladder and clutches at the back of his head. CMJ drops the chair, and almost immediately, grabs the ladder and picks it up. He opens it slowly, looks around, then begins to climb. The fans boo as Colin quickly climbs up the ladder. With each step, the boos grow louder. COLE Colin Maguire, Jr. is only looking out for himself! First, he hits his friend in the head... COACH ...and the next thing ya know, he's trying to win the damn match! What a selfish bastard! COLE ...shut up. Colin reaches up, his finger-tips touching the bottom of the belt, he takes one more step...AND CURTIS BLACK IS BACK IN THE RING!! Curtis runs forward...and pushes over the ladder!! CMJ lets out a yell as he plummets...and HE GETS CROTCHED ON THE TOP ROPE! The male fans let out a collective groan, AND JEREME GREY IS UP! The fans erupt as Jereme dashes towards the turnbuckle. He leaps, lands on the second rope, and rebounds off, twisting in mid-air! Jereme swings his left arm wildly...AND CONNECTS WITH A MASSIVE CLOTHESLINE! The fans erupt as CMJ topples out of the ring, hitting the apron hard before crashing to the mats below! Jereme stands triumphantly, taunting his archrival as Curtis picks up the chair. He looks around the ring, noticing that Callahan had rolled outside. He looks over his shoulder at Jereme...and smirks. Jereme slowly turns around as Black runs past him. He hops up onto the second rope, and in a flash, leaps off, twisting in mid-air. With the precision of a sniper, Black positions the chair in front of Jereme's face, and throws his left leg behind the champs head....CRASH!~! COLE A springboard 180 FameAsser onto the chair!! That was incredible!! COACH I am changing my opinion on Curtis Black!! The kid knows how to take advantage of the situation...hell, he might even win it! COLE Are you gonna change your winner again, Coach? COACH ...Maybe...Maybe not...maybe go fuck yourself. -Curtis Black, ignoring the small boos, picks up the ladder and positions it under the title. Slowly, he begins his climb. Each step, the boos are replaced with cheers...but CMJ is back in the ring! He quickly picks up the chair and swings wildly, hitting Black right in the small of his back. Black lets out a pained yell as CMJ quickly unfolds the chair. CMJ runs the ropes, before leaping up onto the chair. In a flash, he leaps off...AND GRABS BLACKS HEAD!! CMJ drags Curtis off the ladder...CRASH!! A HUGE D-STREET CUTTER!!! COLE ANOTHER D-STREET CUTTER TO CURTIS BLACK!! HIS NECK IS DEAD!! COACH Good! Little bastard had it coming! The fans boo as Curtis rolls out of the ring, and in a heartbeat, CMJ IS CLIMBING THE LADDER!! The boos increase as CMJ climbs quickly. COLE Colin Maguire, Jr. could win this thing!! His fingers are grazing the title!! -...BUT PATRICK CALLAHAN IS BACK IN THE RING!! Callahan quickly climbs up the ladder and is face to face with CMJ, who is in complete shock...WHAM!! The fans erupt as CMJ reels back, covering his face with one hand. He slowly turns his head to Callahan, who is reaching for the title belt!...WHAM!! Callahan, now, reels back...WHAM!! And Callahan answers with a right hand of his own! WHAM!! A right hand from CMJ...WHAM! ANOTHER right hand from CMJ! Patrick Callahan is reeling! CMJ rears back and swings...AND CALLAHAN DUCKS UNDERNEATH! He quickly wraps his arm around CMJ's head, before reaching around the ladder, grabbing onto CMJ's tights! The cheers from the fans grow louder as Callahan takes one more step up the ladder...AND LIFTS!! COLE SUPLEX FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER?! COACH I think Paddy Callahan has a BETTER plan than that! -The two members of IRA plummet towards the mat, but Callahan twists his body midway...CRASH!!! COLE SOUTHIE'S REVENGE FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!! A JACKHAMMER FROM THE TOP!! BOTH OF THESE MEN ARE OUT!! -The fans erupt as both men writhe in pain, clutching at their ribs. The cheers grow louder as Jereme Grey slowly stands, holding his forehead in pain. Evelyn screams to him, telling him everyone's out. Jereme looks at her, quizzical. EVELYN "THE LADDER! CLIMB. THE. FUCKING. LADDER!" -Jereme looks confused, then looks around the ring. "Cash Money" Curtis Black is out from the huge D-Street Cutter. Patrick Callahan and CMJ are out from that insane Southie's Revenge from the top of the ladder. Jereme's the only one left!! The fans erupt as Jereme nods, stumbling towards the ladder. He shakes his head, trying to shake the cobwebs loose as he takes a step onto the first rung of the ladder... then another... ...and another... ...and another!... COLE Jereme Grey is the only one left! He's going to retain!! COACH NO!...WAIT!! There's some movement in the crowd!! -Coach isn't lying, and through the crowd runs GQ BUCKINGHAM! COLE The newest recruit of The IRA is coming to the ring! Colin Maguire, Sr. is NOT going to let Jereme Grey walk out of here with the title!! -The cheers turn to boos as Buckingham hops the guardrail, grabbing one of the matches other ladders at ringside. He slides in quickly, just as Jereme lifts his arm, his hand clutching the title...WHACK!! The fans groan as the tossed ladder nails Jereme in the upper back. Jereme groans as GQ slowly climbs up the ladder after the champ...Buckingham suddenly turns around...and positions Jereme Grey in a powerbomb position!! COLE ...No...no...it looks like...it looks like GQ Buckingham is looking for a powerbomb...from the TOP of the ladder! COACH HA! He was the best purchase the IRA coulda made, Mike! -Jereme, trying his hardest NOT to get powerbombed, starts driving his fists into the head of Buckingham, who starts to lose his grip...Jereme, using his upper body strength, vaults himself over the top of the ladder! He narrowly hangs on, positioning his feet on one of the rungs, as Buckingham turns around to face him, climbing up two extra rungs for the height advantage. GQ swings his right hand wildly, but Jereme ducks underneath, grabbing Buckingham's arm! WHAM! WHAM!! Two hard punches send GQ reeling. Jereme sees his opportunity...and climbs up an extra rung. Jereme quickly crosses himself...BEFORE LEAPING UP! Jereme, using his incredible speed and agility, wraps his legs around Buckingham's neck and arm! Jereme falls backward, hitting the ladder hard with his back, but it doesn't matter! THE TRIPOD AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER HAS BEEN LOCKED IN!! COLE NOW I've seen everything!! Jereme Grey has GQ Buckingham locked into the Tripod at the TOP OF THE LADDER!!! -The fans erupt as GQ frantically tries to escape from the submission, but it's locked in too tight!! GQ, out of complete desperation, begins tapping out!! Obviously, that's not going to work, but at least he's trying!! Jereme, realizing that this won't win the match for him, releases the hold, skillfully rolling backwards as he falls down the ladder. GQ hits the mat with a thud as Jereme scrambles to stand and climb the ladder. He starts to climb, this time faster than before. BUT PATRICK CALLAHAN IS UP!! Patrick quickly grabs the other ladder and sets it up. Jereme slowly makes his way up the ladder as Callahan climbs the other ladder on the opposite side. Both men reach the top of the ladder at the same time! WHAM!! A right hand from Callahan rocks Jereme Grey, who...WHAM!...responds with a right hand of his own! WHAM! Callahan with the right hand! WHAM! JEREME with the right hand! WHAM! Callahan! WHAM! Jereme! Both men are fighting for position...AND CURTIS BLACK IS BACK! The fans erupt as Curtis Black climbs the opposite side of Patrick Callahan's ladder...WHAM!! Callahan is rocked by a right hand from Curtis Black...WHAM! He's rocked by a right hand from Jereme!!...Curtis and Jereme look at each other...and Curtis nods. COLE What did Curtis Black just nod at? COACH Whatever it is, I'm SURE it's bad news for Patrick Callahan! DON'T DO IT!! -Curtis climbs up one more rung, grabbing Callahan in a DDT position! The fans cheers rise along with them, as Curtis flashes the "WestSide" hand sign...AND FLIPS, DRAGGING PATRICK CALLAHAN WITH HIM!!.... .....CRASH!!!~!~! COLE C.R.E.A.M. FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!~!~ CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!! FANS "HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!" -Patrick Callahan clutches at the back of his neck as he writhes around in pain, while Curtis Black does the same, only clutching at his ribs. Both men slowly roll out of the ring as Jereme watches on, a look of complete shock on his face. "Holy shit..." he says. Evelyn Maguire stares wide-eyed at the two men, both of whom are completely out. COACH Jesus Christ....Let's See That AGAIN!! -Coach's wish is answered, as the current moment in the ring is turned into a small box in the corner of the replay. In slow motion, we see Curtis Black leaping off the ladder, front flipping over the top of it, and twisting Patrick Callahan, dragging him with him. CRASH!~ The impact is intense. We now switch to the "Wile E. Coyote Cam" angle, showing the C.R.E.A.M. in regular motion...CRASH!! The screen returns to normal as Jereme shakes his head, not realizing that CMJ is climbing up the ladder behind him!! CMJ, not trying to waste time, wraps his arms around the waist of Jereme Grey. CMJ lifts...CRASH!!! A HUGE GERMAN SUPLEX!! Jereme flops backward, landing on his stomach. The fans boo as CMJ stands quickly, rushing towards the ladder. Outside the ring, Evelyn rushes around to the opposite side of the squared circle as EMT's come running out, bringing two stretchers reserved for Curtis Black and Patrick Callahan with them. Evelyn tries to wake her boyfriend up as CMJ gets closer and closer to the Intercontinental Title!! He reaches.... ...and his fingertips only graze the title! Evelyn looks at Jereme, then her brother, back to Jereme, back to CMJ...AND SHE SLIDES INTO THE RING!! The fans erupt as Evelyn picks up the chair, making a bee-line for CMJ and the ladder. CMJ reaches up, SO close to the title... WHACK!! The fans cheer and groan as CMJ winces in pain, slouching his body over the top of the ladder. Evelyn, still clutching the chair, rushes to the other side... ...AND STARTS TO CLIMB!! COACH What!? She's not in this match! What if she grabs the title?! COLE ...GOOD QUESTION!! I guess it would count as a win for Jereme Grey? COACH ...WHAT?! FUCK THAT! -Evelyn quickly climbs up, the fans rising with each step she takes. CMJ looks up, just as Evelyn rears the chair back.....WHACK!!!! The fans erupt!! CMJ's eyes glaze over, just as he plummets backwards!! CRASH!~!~ CMJ clutches at the back of his head as Jereme Grey stands slowly...JUST AS GQ BUCKINGHAM SLIDES INTO THE RING!! COLE HE'S HEADING RIGHT FOR EVELYN!! COACH GET HER!! -Evelyn glares at GQ...BEFORE TOSSING HIM THE CHAIR!! GQ Buckingham instinctively catches it, just as Evelyn leaps off the ladder!! CRASH!!!~!~ THE FANS ERUPT AS EVELYN MAGUIRE DELIVERS HER OWN VERSION OF THE VAN DAMINATOR!! COLE A CHAIR ASSISTED FRONT DROPKICK TO THE FACE OF GILES BUCKINGHAM!! EVELYN MAGUIRE IS ON FIRE!!! -Evelyn clutches at her back as she stands slowly, pointing for Jereme to climb the ladder. He nods and shakes the cobwebs loose, before making his ascent!! The cheers grow louder with each step Jereme takes...two steps away...one step...Jereme Grey reaches up... ...his fingers graze the bottom...he steps on his toes, reaching with his entire body... AND UNHOOKS THE TITLE!!! JEREME GREY RETAINS THE OAOAST INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE!! BUFFER "YOUR Winner...and STIIIIILLLLLL....the OAOAST INTERCONTinental Champion....JEREME...GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!! -The fans erupt as "Rockers to Swallow" hits the PA system. Jereme collapses off the ladder, hitting the mat with a thud. Evelyn limps towards him, still clutching her back. Jereme sits up slowly, raising the title belt above his head. Evelyn kneels beside him, and the two embrace and share a kiss. COLE This win was just as much because of Evelyn Maguire as it was Jereme Grey! COACH Dammit! Dammit! COLE Colin Maguire, Sr. is NOT going to be happy, Coach! COACH Oh, who cares?! I just lost 500 bucks! COLE ...h-how could you bet on something where you keep changing your answer? COACH ...I was hoping the bookie was watching and heard me change my winner... COLE And while Jereme Grey was JUST on the ladder, with no-one around, you didn't say "Jereme Grey is my pick?" COACH ...shit... COLE ...JEREME GREY IS STILL THE OAOAST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!~ COMMERCIAL on a ppv? Cole, said we'd be right back, who am I to argue. Backstage, Brock Ausstin is seen doing elevated pushups, as the crowd cheers. COLE And there is Brock Ausstin, two-time Heartland champion, the man with the most experience in the Chamber of Hell, appearing in the previous two! Will the third time be the charm for him, can he walk away with his third Heartland title?

We return to a shot of the ring, which is covered with a red tarp, with red, white, and blue half-circle flags hanging from each side of the ring and a big covered picture in the ring. COLE OK, we're back here on HeldDOWN, and the ring is decorated all patriotic and stuff, what's going on here? COACH Well, obviously something big is about to go down here! The Wall by Kansas hits, and Reject and Thunderkid walk to the ring in suits, followed by Sandman9000, who has the sleeves torn off of his suit. COLE And the Deadly Alliance making their way to the ring, just what is this all about? And where's Alf? Reject, TK, and Sandman enter the ring, and stand on the far side, looking down the aisle as a long limousine pulls into the aisle, then stops at the ring. The driver steps out, then opens the door, and out steps Alfdogg, with the United States title belt over his right shoulder. COLE And there is the new OAOAST United States champion, Alfdogg! COACH I get it, Cole! This is a celebration party for Alf's victory! Just imagine what it's going to be like when he defeats PRL at Zero Hour! Alf raises his belt in the air, then begins waving at the fans, taking his time entering the ring. As he enters, red, white, and blue confetti pours from the ceiling, then when he does his pose, fireworks of the same colors follow. Alf then grabs a mic from ringside. ALF Thank you, thank you. This is definitely a reception worthy of YOUR United States champion, and soon to be YOUR three-time OAOAST champion of the World! *crowd boos* ALF You see, I've got all the momentum going into this Sunday...I just won the United States title, finally bringing some prestige to this belt, after nearly a year of shame was bestowed upon it...and at Zero Hour, I have everything to gain, and nothing to lose. THAT is why I will be victorious this Sunday against Tha Puerto Rican. *crowd boos* ALF You know, I've had some tremendous victories over my career...like when I defeated Caboose, to win my first World championship... *the crowd cheers for the Caboose mention, then boos Alf.* ALF Or when I won the Lethal Rumble match, and won my second World championship in the main event of AngleMania...but this Sunday, will rank as my greatest victory of all, when I end PRL's travashamockery of a World title reign, and finally make the OAOAST World title respectable once again. *crowd boos* ALF I must admit, PRL has done an impressive job of finding excuses not to face me over the last six months...for example, tracking down some scrub like Brickston, and paying him off to make us all think they're bitter rivals, and leaving himself open for beatdowns. But you've run out of time. You can't duck anymore. You're trapped at Zero Hour, and there is no escape. And your days as World champion, will be over. *crowd boos* ALF Now then, about my match last week. One of the best feelings I've had in my career, hell, my whole LIFE, was hearing that chump Colombian Heat scream in pain as I had him in my Sharpshooter. Because this guy took a brand new United States title, and flushed it down the toilet from day one. As long as a piece of gold and leather is around his waist, it will be a joke. Well, now, the United States title is getting the treatment it deserves! It should be celebrated, just like this. And this Sunday, punk, my man Sandman is going to finish the job in that Chamber of Hell. *crowd boos* ALF Now then... Alf summons TK and Reject over to remove the cover from the picture. ALF On three...one...two...THREE! TK and Reject remove the cover, revealing a photoshopped cover of OAOAST Magazine, with Alf holding the World title on his right shoulder, and the US title on his left shoulder, as the crowd boos. COACH Wow, they've already got the cover made and everything! Just like WrestleMania IV! COLE Alf very confident in there, I wonder how much money he paid to have that thing made? ALF THAT, ladies and gentlemen, THAT is a preview of the future. A future that, ironically, will bring us back to the way things used to be. The way things SHOULD be! It has been 758 days since I last held the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. And in that time, I briefly sworn allegiance to the country of Canada, which I apologize for, I started and ran my own professional wrestling company and was its World Heavyweight Champion, I added to my list of memorable matches and memorable moments, and perhaps most importantly, I proved to the world time and time again that I am the absolute BEST wrestler in the world today. And all of that has built up to this Sunday night. The night where I bring the OAOAST back to its glory days. Where I bring back the OAOAST to its zenith. Where I make things right all over again! Like I said before, this Sunday night will be my greatest victory when I defeat and dethrone the paper Champion, the wannabe to the throne, Tha Puerto Rican! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Amen. ALF P.R., it is time to face facts. As you look ahead to this Sunday, you realize that you are way over your head. You have never gone face-to-face with me and beaten me. You are 0 and FOUR against me. Check the record books, P.R. You know that this is true. I have taken a belt away from you before, and this Sunday, when I improve my record to FIVE and ZERO against you, I will take another belt. And then, this farce of a Title reign can finally end! You are a joke Champion, P.R. A Champion that the world just doesn’t care about. P.R., face it, your OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship reign hasn’t set the world on fire. For all of the hype, all of the anticipation, all of the excitement that you and your fans had about the moment that you finally got the brass ring, what really has happened has been less than stellar. People will one day replace you with me when they talk about the lowest drawing OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion of all-time! Finally. You haven’t main evented pay-per-views, you have BARELY defended the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship on HeldDOWN~!, in fact, I think you did it just ONCE! The focus of the company hasn’t been on you ever since you got the belt. And it’s not the belt’s fault. It’s yours! COACH PREACH ON, BROTHER ALFDOGG! ALF You have sunk the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! You have made it irrelevant! You have dragged down the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship down to your sad, pathetic level! But when I win back the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship this Sunday, *I* will make it relevant again! *I* will make it MEAN something again! *I* will make it the center of attention! *I* will main event pay-per-views and HeldDOWN~!‘s AND house shows! The reason people work their asses off in this company! The reason people watch our shows! EVERYTHING you did to destroy the honor, the integrity, and the PRESTIGE of the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship, I will GIVE BACK! Reject, Thunderkid and Sandman9000 all applaud Alfdogg. The crowd boos loudly. ALF You are a transitional Champion, P.R. A Champion only meant to keep the belt warm for someone who is actually WORTHY of it! You are the Ronnie Garvin of the One And Only AngleSault Thread, P.R.! You are a paper Champion! The fact that you only got the Title by beating ANOTHER paper Champion speaks volumes about you! You couldn’t get the job done when you fought Calvin Szechstein, Peter Knight, ME, or Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix. But you won the Title after defeating Stephen Joseph Popick. POPICK! HA! Big deal! Now Popick has gone on a long overdue vacation. And this Sunday, P.R., I will MAKE you go on vacation. PERMANENTLY! More boos from the fans. ALF And think about this. Our World Heavyweight Champion doesn’t even come from an actual country. He comes from a commonwealth. A colony owned by the United States of America. Well, just like the United States OWNS Puerto Rico, Alfdogg OWNS Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Damn right! ALF Our World Heavyweight Champion has based his entire personality, his entire character, his entire career on emulating a wrestling legend! And not just any legend, but perhaps the best known wrestling legend of ALL-TIME! It is hard not to recognize who our ’beloved’ World Heavyweight Champion is basing himself on. That is complete and total DISRESPECT to Dwayne Johnson, and our World Heavyweight Champion should be ashamed of himself! That sort of bush league nonsense belongs in TNA Wrestling. NOT the OAOAST! But unlike our World Heavyweight Champion, I, Alfdogg, did not become an OAOAST Superstar by emulating a legend. I, Alfdogg, became an OAOAST Superstar by becoming MY OWN LEGEND! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ALF P.R., you say that you are living your dream. Well, P.R., every dream must end because you wake up. And this Sunday night, P.R., you will get your wakeup call by way of a Five Star Alf Splash! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ALF And so, ladies and gentlemen, I close with this. My name is not Barack Obama. My name is not John McCain. My name is Alfdogg. And while I am not running for President of the United States of America (at least not yet), I AM running for something that is just as important! I am running to become YOUR One And Only AngleSault World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion! And this Sunday night, September 28th, 2008, think of it as our Election Day, and think of this Sunday night, September 28th, 2008, as the day that Tha Puerto Rican is IMPEACHED, and I am sworn in as the NEW UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! And on that day, I PROMISE YOU, that change WILL occur. Change for the better. Change that will affect the One And Only AngleSault Thread for a long time to come! The sun WILL rise again! Honor and integrity and prestige will be restored back to the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship. And the One And Only AngleSault Thread will become a better place for you, for me, and for everybody who works here from the wrestlers all the way down to the ring rats. It CAN happen. And it WILL happen. Because YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN. The Deadly Alliance all chant “YES WE CAN.” “YES WE CAN.” “YES WE CAN.” “YES WE CAN.” “YES WE CA--” "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance stage, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song. COLE Uh-oh! It looks like our World Heavyweight Champion has had just about enough of Alfdogg’s slandering of his good name! A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out to a big pop from the crowd. COLE THE CHAMP IS HERE! Coach removes his headset and jumps over the barricade, running through the crowd as far away from Tha Puerto Rican as possible. COLE DA COACH IS GONE! The Deadly Alliance turns their attention to Tha Puerto Rican. All four men have their game faces on. Alfdogg looks at his opponent for this Sunday night with a look of disgust on his face. He scoffs at PRL. Tha Puerto Rican stands on the entrance stage wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a black T-shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, tan dress pants with a leather belt, and black dress shoes. He carries the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his right hand, and a microphone in his left hand. Tha Puerto Rican is PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF at Alfdogg and The Deadly Alliance. The crowd is still going nuts for Tha Puerto Rican. COLE And The Champ must be FURIOUS at what The Deadly Alliance has done to Colombian Heat, and what Alfdogg has said about him tonight! This match was originally all business, but now…IT’S PERSONAL! Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth on the entrance stage. “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd is still going wild. PRL stands still for a few seconds, and gives Alfdogg the McMahon SNEER~! Alfdogg motions for PRL to come into the ring. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE What is Tha Puerto Rican going to say tonight? Tha Puerto Rican brings the microphone to his lips…but doesn’t say anything. He looks at the crowd. They cheer loudly. PRL looks back at Alfdogg. He is breathing hard. Alfdogg rests on the top ring rope, waiting for PRL to start speaking. COLE You can see the ANGER in his eyes, fans! The World Heavyweight Champion is not in a good mood here tonight! Tha Puerto Rican puts the microphone to his lips again…but doesn’t say anything. He looks at the fans, who cheer, and then looks at Alfdogg. ALFDOGG Come on. Hurry up! PRL mutters under his breath. He brings the microphone to his lips again…but puts it back down. He does it again…but changes his mind at the last second. PRL looks at the cheering fans, looks at Alfdogg, and then brings the microphone to his lips one more time. THA PUERTO RICAN You know what…SCREW IT! Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone and runs down the entrance ramp with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt! The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! COLE P.R. doesn’t want to talk! P.R. wants to have the main event of Zero Hour 3 days early! Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring where a waiting Alfdogg pounces on him! Alf clubbers PRL with CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms on the World Heavyweight Champion! But just as quickly as he started he stops as Tha Puerto Rican springs into action with right hands! COLE P.R. and Alfdogg, duking it out before Zero Hour! Tha Puerto Rican and Alfdogg engage in a slugfest! Back and forth they go, trading punches! Soon, PRL gains the advantage, repeatedly nailing Alfdogg with Rock-style punches to the temple! P.R. brings the crowd to life as he repeatedly nails Alfdogg, sending him into a turnbuckle corner! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! COLE And Alfdogg is in trouble! Suddenly, Sandman9000 clubs P.R. from behind! The OAOAST Heartland Champion continues punching away at Tha Puerto Rican! Thunderkid and Reject join in on the punching and soon enough, Alfdogg has regained his composure, and he too joins in on beating up Tha Puerto Rican, making it a 4-on-1 assault on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE And The Deadly Alliance quickly gains the advantage! The numbers game is too much! Even for the World Heavyweight Champion! The Deadly Alliance knocks PRL to the mat, and starts laying the boots to him! PRL tries to block the kicks by covering up his head, but that just leaves his body open to the assault! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Alfdogg grabs the podium and slams it over Tha Puerto Rican! The podium breaks into pieces upon impact! COLE Oh my! Alfdogg just used that podium as a weapon on PRL! Alfdogg tells Thunderkid and Reject to pick PR up. The OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Champions obliged, and pick up the weakened PRL up. PRL struggles a little bit, but he is obviously in much pain as Thunderkid and Reject hold him in place, taunting him while doing so. PRL’s sunglasses have fallen off, as well as his Puerto Rican flag bandana. Alfdogg picks up the OAOAST United States Championship belt and heads to a turnbuckle corner. Alf readies himself with some practice swings, P.R. struggling to escape. Alf taunts PRL. He has an evil smile on his face as he runs out of the turnbuckle corner…charges forward…takes a swing… ::Beltshot to Tha Puerto Rican!:: COLE Oh! Alfdogg knocking Tha Puerto Rican down to the mat with the OAOAST United States Title! The same Title that Alfdogg took from Tha Puerto Rican’s best friend, Colombian Heat, last week! “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” The crowd chants for Colombian Heat, but he is not in the arena tonight. Tha Puerto Rican has crumpled onto the mat in a fetal position. Thunderkid, Reject and Alfdogg stare down at the fallen PRL with looks of disdain on their faces. The crowd boos loudly. Meanwhile, Sandman9000 has exited the ring and gone looking for something underneath the ring apron. He pulls out…a table. COLE Oh no! Not this! Not a table! It’s bad enough that PRL got hit in the head with the U.S. Title! And now this!? Please! Somebody stop this! Sandman9000 grins evilly as he slides the table into the ring, and then slides into the ring underneath the bottom ring rope. Sandman9000 calls Alfdogg over and tells him something. Alfdogg has a sinister grin on his face and nods his head, giving Sandman a thumbs up. COLE The Deadly Alliance has got a plan! Tha Puerto Rican is in a bad way here! Alfdogg tells Thunderkid and Reject to pick Tha Puerto Rican up again. Sandman9000 sets up the table in the ring as Thunderkid and Reject pick up the unconscious PRL. Thunderkid and Reject rip off Tha Puerto Rican's shirt and choke him with it! COLE PRL is out. He is out like a light! Alfdogg directs Thunderkid and Reject to put PRL on top of the table. They stop choking Tha Puerto Rican and do so. Alfdogg then tells Sandman9000 to stand by. Alf exits the ring. COLE Oh no! What’s this!? Alfdogg climbs the top rope. The crowd buzzes in anticipation, sensing what is coming up next. Sandman9000, Thunderkid and Reject all stand back and watch as Alfdogg is hunched over on the top rope with Tha Puerto Rican lying on top of the table. COLE This won’t be good! This will not be good for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd yells for Alfdogg not to do what he is about to do. But Sandman9000, Reject and Thunderkid all encourage Alfdogg to do what he is about to do. Alfdogg has an evil smile on his face as he leaps off of the top rope with Tha Puerto Rican still lying on top of the table, unconscious… FIVE STAR ALF SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Alfdogg lies on top of Tha Puerto Rican amidst the wreckage of the table! The other 3 Deadly Alliance members applaud their leader while the crowd boos loudly. COLE Alfdogg with the Five Star Alf Splash THROUGH the table! Tha Puerto Rican has been broken in half! Alfdogg has Tha Puerto Rican pinned to the mat, so Sandman9000 makes the count. 1! 2! 3!!! The crowd boos loudly. Alfdogg gets off of Tha Puerto Rican and has his hands raised in “victory” by Sandman9000 while on his knees. Alfdogg has a disgusted look on his face as Thunderkid and Reject applaud him for “pinning” Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Is this really a glimpse into the future? We saw the magazine cover, and now this! We all know how much Alfdogg wants to become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion again, but who knows how far he will go to achieve that goal and end Tha Puerto Rican’s dream! Alfdogg tells Sandman9000 to bring him his belt. Sandman9000 hands Alfdogg the OAOAST United States Championship belt. He then tells Sandman9000 to bring him his “other belt.” Sandman hands Alf the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. Alfdogg slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder, and the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his left shoulder. The crowd boos louder at this. Alfdogg looks down at Tha Puerto Rican and sneers at him. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is in for a challenge this Sunday! Alfdogg is looking to become a double Champion and will stop at nothing to do just that! PRL better have eyes in the back of his head, because you can bet that The Deadly Alliance will be lurking around the corner during the main event! Alfdogg raises both belts in the air to loud boos. He has a cocky smirk on his face while doing so. Alfdogg laughs manically. Tha Puerto Rican has not moved since being hit with the Five Star Alf Splash through the table. Alf tells his fellow Deadly Alliance members something. They all laugh manically. COLE All four members of The Deadly Alliance currently hold gold here in the OAOAST, and if all four men are successful in their matches this Sunday at Zero Hour 2008, then you can make a case that The Deadly Alliance RULE the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Alfdogg stands in the center of the ring. Sandman9000 stands to his left, Thunderkid stands to Alfdogg’s right, and Reject stands to Thunderkid’s right. The Deadly Alliance stare at the crowd, and then they all stare at each other and nod. On cue, all four men raise their title belts into the air to LOUD boos! Thunderkid and Reject raising the OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championship belts into the air, Sandman9000 raising the OAOAST Heartland Championship belt into the air, and Alfdogg raising the OAOAST United States Championship belt into the air with his left hand and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his right hand. Alfdogg, Thunderkid, Reject and Sandman9000 smile evilly as they pose. COLE This could be what we see after Zero Hour! “The Wall” by Kansas begins playing. The crowd continues booing loudly as The Deadly Alliance continues posing inside of the ring. Tha Puerto Rican is still unconscious in the wreckage of the table. COLE If Alfdogg does indeed hit the Five Star Alf Splash this Sunday night at Zero Hour, then we might just see the crowning of a new OAOAST Champion and the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s World Heavyweight Championship reign! The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican lying on the mat unconscious in what’s left of the table. The camera then cuts back to The Deadly Alliance posing with their belts (and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt). The camera cuts to a close-up of Alfdogg posing with the OAOAST United States Championship belt and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt as "The Wall” continues playing over the P.A. system. The crowd boos loudly. COLE Fans, thanks for tuning into this week’s HeldDOWN~!. For Jonathan “Da Coach” Coachman, I’m Michael Cole saying so long from Louisville, Kentucky! And we will see you this Sunday night, September 28, 2008 at OAOAST Zero Hour 2008 from Cleveland, Ohio LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! Goodnight everybody! The Deadly Alliance continue raising their championship belts into the air while Tha Puerto Rican continues lying on the mat admist the wreckage of the table, unconscious, as “The Wall” by Kansas continues playing over the P.A. system and the crowd continues booing LOUDLY. This is the last image that we see before we FADE TO BLACK

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY NEW THEME SONG NEXT WEEK!!!!! OAOAST HeldDOWN~! (i'm too lazy to go C&P the logo) COLE Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Kentucky for OAOAST HeldDOWN! We are only days away from Zero Hour and I couldn't be more excited. How about you, Coach? COACH Line. COLE What? What are you talking about? You don't have a line, just play off what I say. COACH Line! COLE Just reply to my words. COACH Line! COLE When I say something, you say something back. COACH Line! COLE For instance. I say hello. You say? COACH Line! COLE Just move on with the damn show. The arena goes dark as "God Of Thunder" pounds out through the arena. The entrance way lights up yellow, then fills up with yellow smoke, followed by the figure of Thunderkid walking through the smoke. With his half of the Tag Team Titles around his waist, Thunderkid throws a few shadow punches as he makes his way to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Green Bay, Wisconsin... he weighs in at two hundred and fifty pounds. Representing The Deadly Alliance, one half of the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... TTHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUNN - DDEEEEEEERRRRRKKIIIIIIIIIIIIDD!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Thunderkid enters the ring and raises his arms, then starts bouncing back and forth on the spot. COLE So Thunderkid to do his partner's dirty work here tonight on HeldDOWN, as he takes on the man who's been tormented over these past few weeks by Reject's actions, Leon Rodez. Interesting that on the verge of their big Tag Team Title defence this Sunday against Team Heyross, Reject wouldn't accept the match but he was fine with Thunderkid doing so. COACH Hold up, you don't know that Reject wouldn't accept the match. Thunderkid just got the nod, that's all. COLE Well we all know that Leon Rodez wants Reject. COACH And he'll get him, I'm sure. On Reject's terms. As TK continues to warm up, the crowd come to life as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company strikes up. Sweeping his purple and black robe through the entrance, Leon Rodez marches with a purpose to the ring without paying his usual attention to his legions of fans. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing in at two hundred, eighteen pounds. A member of The In Crowd... "THE NEW-AGE LOVE MACHINE"... "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" In slides Leon, sweeping off his robe ready to go. Unfortunately for him the referee isn't just yet and keeps him back to go over the formalities. COLE You can tell how much Leon is itching for this match to get underway. And I'll tell you, Thunderkid isn't going to back away from a fight. COACH Not a bit. TK's a former Heartland Champ after all, you don't get that without getting your hands dirty. Referee Mike Chioda is able to calm Leon down amongst the hyped atmosphere coming from the crowd, checking him over for foreign objects. He comes up clean as Thunderkid had earlier and finally, we're good to go, as Chioda calls for the opening bell. COLE One fall match, here tonight on HeldDOWN... *DINGDINGDING!* As soon as the bell sounds Leon charges out of his corner and catches Thunderkid completely by surprise as he dives on him swinging wildly! The crowd erupt as Leon nails lefts and rights on Thunderkid in the corner. Leon stomps Thunderkid against the turnbuckles, at least 10 times before breaking away in a rage. LEON COME ON!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Man Leon has come fired up tonight, as we thought! TK pulls himself up in the corner still wondering what hit him. In rushes Rodez again, causing TK to sidestep. Leon is able to stop himself before hitting the turnbuckles however and turns, nailing Thunderkid with a big forearm shot. TK responds with one of his own. Forearm again from Leon. Forearm from TK. Leon fires back with a combination of three, quick and unreturned and then comes off the ropes. Clothesline is ducked though, TK catching Leon in a waistlock, looking for a german. As he lifts Rodez he's able to tuck forward, taking Thunderkid down like a prawn hold, only to come out of it to his feet and attempt to lock in the Liontamer! Quickly TK shuffles on his back to grab the bottom rope and force the break, then pulls himself between the ropes to keep Rodez backed away. COLE Leon almost had it locked in right there, a stark warning for Thunderkid. COACH Oh he did not, TK's way too powerful to get caught in that. Legs like tree-trunks. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Chomping at the bit Leon is eager to get back at TK and the moment he's back inside he moves in. But Thunderkid has bought enough time and manages to hang Leon up across the top rope as he approaches! Down goes Leon, holding his throat as TK stomps away now. COACH That's what happens when you wrestle with your heart instead of your head. You get caught in a stupid position making a stupid mistake. TK grabs Leon's wrist and delivers a Short Arm Clothesline, covering... 1... 2... No! Scooping Leon off his feet with a double leg pick, Thunderkid marches him across the ring and throws him into a corner. TK goes to work with a succession of bodyshots until referee Mike Chioda reaches five and tells him to get out of the corner. TK does back up, but doesn't care to bring Leon with him. Instead he charges at him with a high knee... AND MISSES! "YYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!" With TK hurting, he falls against the buckles... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and Rodez connects with a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second. COLE We haven't seen Leon quite this physical in some time. He's not in there with Reject but it's the next best thing and he's got Maggie on his mind I'm sure. COACH Yeah, and Melody. And Melissa. And Molly. And Millie. And... COLE Okay, we get it. Wringing the arm, Leon looks to whip TK out of the corner. The Tag Champion reverses out though and pulls Leon forward, right into an impressive gorilla press. It would have been more impressive had Leon not escaped at the apex of the lift, landing behind TK on his feet. Rodez shoves TK forward, catching him coming back with a Standing Dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! Hitting the ropes, Leon connects with a flying forearm. Quickly back up, Thunderkid walks into a boot, Leon able to get him up and over with a vertical suplex before heading to the top. COLE High-risk coming up. Reaching the top, Rodez extends waiting for Thunderkid to turn his way, then takes off with a beautiful Flying Crossbody Block... 1... 2 - NO, Thunderkid rolls through, holding Leon in his arms! COLE Oh my would you look at the power! TK carries Leon into position before executing a big Fallaway Slam, hurling him across the ring! COACH Man! Does that man even know his own strength? COLE Leon Rodez is 218 pounds and Thunderkid picked him up and threw him like he was half that! Thunderkid eventually makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! As Leon tries to get up, Thunderkid pulls an arm to the side, opening up his chest for a hard punt. Leon crawls to the ropes, using them to back him up as he punches TK in the gut. But TK delivers a kneelift to the chest, then drags Rodez to his feet and throws with an Overhead Belly To Belly Suplex! Crawling over, TK hooks a leg... 1... 2... Kickout! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Backing into a corner, TK waves Leon back to his feet. That plus the crowd's support gets Leon back to a vertical base... right where TK wants him, as he runs out of the corner throwing his trademark Bicycle Ki... NO! Sidestep and a BACKSLIDE... 1... 2... NO! TK delivers a quick boot to regain contol, then runs through Leon with a clothesline. COLE Thunderkid almost caught out there. COLE Yeah but that was desperation. That's all it is for Leon at this point, TK's still got things going his way. With a gutwrench, TK muscles Leon off his feet for the Powerbomb... but Leon manages to escape! Landing on his feet in front, Leon connects with a Rolling Sole BUTT, then hooks hold of TK's head. As he runs to the ropes Rodez gets shoved off though. Stopping himself in the corner, Leon lands a back elbow as TK runs in at him. TK staggers away and Leon follows, suddenly spinning around and connecting on a Step-up Enziguri! The kick knocks TK a little loopy, allowing Leon to grab hold of him, looking for an Exploder... but Thunderkid won't go! After two more attempts Leon still can't get the suplex and TK elbows his way out, switches behind, then DUMPS Leon backwards with a Release German!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Pulling Leon to his feet, Thunderkid looks for the finish and hooks him up for the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!11~... but as he lifts Leon up, he takes a knee to the top of the head in mid-air!! Shaking it off, TK tries again... and again Leon lands a knee from his precarious position! TK breaks off and shoves Leon in the chest to put him into the ropes. A clothesline is ducked on the rebound by Leon, The Silky Smooth One coming off the ropes again and connecting on a rolling clothesline of his own! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Shack Attack! LEON TK, tell me how my ass tastes? COACH Not a question he wishes to answer, an angry TK charges, right into a drop toehold! Jumping to his feet, Rodez then does the jig before hitting the ropes, shooting back... ...and EATING A BICYCLE KICK!!! COACH Oh yeah! Tell me how TK's boot tastes, bitch! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK complains about the count, then picks Leon back up. COLE Thunderkid struggling to put Leon away, here on HeldDOWN just three nights away from Zero Hour live on Pay Per View! COACH Well he could do with putting him away soon. This goes much longer and them three nights will be three nights too soon. Setting Leon up again, Thunderkid lifts him looking for the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!1~!! This time though, Leon manages to float right over the top and escape! As TK turns around, Leon spins, looking for another Rolling Sole BUTT... but the foot gets caught and contorted as TK tries to apply an Ankle Lock! Before he get the hold cranked in though, a roll through puts Leon on top, stepping out of the roll-up in search of the Liontamer again! But TK is able to kick Leon off to counter. Rolling through, Leon finds himself backed in a corner and with the Tag Team Champion charging towards him... so he ducks low and counters out of the corner, shoving TK sternum first against the turnbuckles before Slicing some Bread!! COLE FEEDBACK THIS!! Taking a moment's breather, The Grand Rapids Golden Child is urged to cover and does so... 1... 2... NO!! Not wasting time despairing, Leon scoots out to the apron and heads to the top with Thunderkid still down. COLE Leon going up, could it be 450 time? Not just yet, as Thunderkid is up before Rodez can make it to the top. Knocking out Leon's feet, TK delivers right hands to the gut with him sat on the top turnbuckle. TK then steps up to the middle, landing more right hands. A slugfest starts but is quickly won by Thunderkid, who gets a knee up in the breadbasket before hooking hold of Leon's head. COLE Oh no... is Thunderkid doing what I think he's doing? Top rope Thunderbolt!? COACH Looks that way to me. Looking down, TK sets Leon up and tries to re-position himself on the ropes. With Leon now stood up Thunderkid takes a ginger step up onto the top rope, before placing both feet on the highest position of the ring. The crowd murmur with dread as Leon is slowly brought up top as well... ...but before TK can execute, Leon starts to fight back! Short punches to the ribs stun Thunderkid, halting him in his tracks. TK fights back with rights of his own and re-asserts his front facelock. But Leon continues to fight like his life depends on it and he manages to break free again. Caught in a very precarious position that he's not used to, TK wobbles as Leon punches him a couple of times in the head. And then delivers a couple of Bionic Elbows to the top of the skull. With Thunderkid wobbly, Leon then grabs hold of the top turnbuckle to keep himself steady... ...and delivers a Roundhouse Kick... ...SENDING THUNDERKID PLUMMETING TO THE MAT BELOW!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Thunderkid comes down hard... and heeeere we go! As TK lands in perfect position, Leon quickly gets his feet... AND DELIVERS THE 450 SPLASH!!!! 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE It's all over! What an impressive victory for Leon Rodez! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLLEEEEEOOOOOOONN... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!! Weary from the hard-fought battle he's just gone through Leon is helped up off of TK by referee Chioda, who then raises his hand in victory. Leon struggles to stand fully upright, as he turns to one section of the crowd and salutes the fans... ...blissfully unaware of what lies in wait. *CRACK!!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE HEY, what the he- IT'S REJECT!! DAMNIT! Leon drops to the mat after a hard chairshot to the spine, delivering by none other than REJECT who stares down at him. The crowd hurl abuse as Reject continues to stare with sinister intentions at Leon. Referee Chioda yells at Reject to get out of the ring, but a warning swipe of the chair sends him wisely running for cover. "FUCK YOU RE - JECT!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "FUCK YOU RE - JECT!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Not taking his eyes off of Leon, Reject drops the chair on the canvas. He then drops to one knee, watching as Rodez tries to pull himself back up. COLE Come on, get some people out here already, Reject isn't done here! COACH Forget the people, this is payback! COLE Payback!? You've gotta be kidding me! Despite the pleas of the fans Leon does get back up. And as soon as he does Reject grabs him by the shoulder, spinning him around... AND DROPPING HIM WITH THE EULOGY ON THE STEEL CHAIR~!!!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE Ugh! Head-first into the chair! Reject stalks over Leon, breathing heavily... ...but before any more damage can be done, QUENTIN BENJAMIN and CHARLIE MOSS sprint to the ring!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Quickly, Reject turns tail and slides out of the ring before the former Tag Team Champions can get a hold of him. Thunderkid gets himself out of the ring too and he and Reject back away, eyes locked with Moss and Benjamin's with threats exchanged between the two teams. Meanwhile Chioda is in to check on Leon who lays flat out on the steel chair. COLE Well thank goodness for Team Heyross, getting out here to run that SOB out of here! Reject's got penance to pay and he might just do that this Sunday night at the hands of Moss and Benjamin! COACH These two morons? They flat out morons, partner! What are they thinking, running out here to save the guy who cost them the World Tag Team Titles? As the threats continue between the Tag Champions and the tag challengers, Benjamin and Moss turn back and look over to Leon for the first time. And with him still yet to have moved, they kneel down to check on him as well. COMMERCIAL

Just a normal ass arena this week. The name of that arena? I don't even know. I don't even know. I have shamed myself. I have shamed you. I seek forgiveness, and I seek love. Sweet love. Hold me, as you held me beneath the moonlight, beneath the stars, and the sky and heaven. Hold me like you did when you told I was your one and only. I don't want to lose you over an arena. I need you.

COLE World tag team titles on the line! Last chance for Team Heyross, they must leave Cleveland with the belts! Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Team Heyross makes their way out to thunderous applause. COLE And here they come, let's go up to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST World tag team championship! Making their way to the ring, the challengers...at a total combined weight of 485 pounds...three-time former tag team champions of the WORRRRRRRRRRRLD...the team of CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAMMMMMMMMM HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS!!!!! Team Heyross stops in the aisle, and raises their arms, as their red, white, and blue pyro goes off behind them. They then make their way to the ring, climbing inside and posing on the buckles. They hop down, as The Wall by Kansas hits, and the crowd boos, as the lights go out, and yellow strobes and smoke fill the entryway. Thunderkid and Reject make their way through the smoke, and walk to the ring. BUFFER Their opponents...at a total combined weight of 480 pounds...representing the Deadly Alliance...the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST tag team champions of the WORRRRRRRLD...the team of THHHHHHHHUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! Reject is attired in a Yankees cap, and a Dallas Cowboys jersey, as the crowd boos. COLE And Reject obviously not trying to make any friends here in Cleveland. Reject makes his way to the timekeepers' table, and grabs a mic. REJECT What? If LeBron James can do it, why can't I? *crowd boos* COACH Ouch. TK and Reject climb into the ring, remove their belts, and ambush Team Heyross! *DING DING DING* COLE And we're underway! Reject pulls his cap and jersey off, then hammers away on Moss and TK on Benjamin, and whip them across the ring. Moss and Benjamin both duck clotheslines, and hit ones of their own! Team Heyross then hits stereo dropkicks, sending TK and Reject out to the floor on opposite sides! COLE Team Heyross ambushed from the outset, but a nice recovery, and now the champs are reeling! TK and Reject regroup on the floor, and then TK rolls inside, and Benjamin stays in for his team. They circle the ring, then tie up. Benjamin goes to an arm-wringer, which TK quickly reverses. COACH And I think Quentin Benjamin needs to get TK off his feet here! Benjamin rolls forward on the mat, then does a front handspring, and reverses the arm-wringer. COLE Great agility by Quentin Benjamin, and a nice reversal of the arm-wringer! Benjamin goes to a wristlock, then to a hammerlock, but TK is able to reverse. Benjamin reaches back around the head of TK, then flips over the back of TK and executes a reverse sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! TK charges after Benjamin, who drops down, then leapfrogs TK and catches him with an armdrag! Benjamin quickly applies a top wristlock, and drives knees into the arm. COLE And Benjamin able to do just what you said, Coach, he's keeping TK on the mat and sticking to his strengths, mat wrestlingand agility! COACH Yeah, but this one's a long way from over, Cole! TK gets to his feet, and Benjamin wrings the arm once again, then goes to a knuckle lock. COACH And he's making a mistake now! TK powers Benjamin down to the mat, and the referee counts... 1... 2... Benjamin gets a shoulder up, but is powered down again... 1... 2... Benjamin bridges up, then manages to power his way to his feet. COLE But look at Quentin show off some power here! Benjamin kicks one of his hands free, then runs to the ropes, jumps to the top, then springs off and catches TK in a HURRICANRANA~! COLE What a move by Quentin Benjamin! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin drags the dazed TK into his corner, then tags in Moss. COLE First tag of the match, and Charlie Moss in there for the challengers! Moss wrings the arm of TK, then hooks him in a front facelock, and lifts him for a vertical suplex, holding him in the air for a couple seconds, then falling back to the mat! COLE Nicely executed suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Moss whips TK into a corner, then charges, but TK moves out of the way! COACH Nobody home on that move, though! TK tags in Reject, who comes in and gets caught in a drop toe hold from Moss! COLE But he caught Reject, a nice recovery! Moss then drops an elbow to the back of the head, picks up Reject, and hooks him as the crowd eggs him on. COLE Double-arm suplex coming up! Moss delivers with a double-arm suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Moss tags in Benjamin, who climbs to the top rope, and hits a flying bodypress as Moss ducks down behind Reject! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Kickout, but Team Heyross is really in a groove now! Benjamin picks up Reject, and executes a backbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin picks up Reject, but Reject delivers a shot to the gut, then rakes his eyes, then backs him into the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COLE Reject coming back with some big chops! Reject then whips Benjamin across, but Benjamin springs over the top as Reject charges, then catches him coming back with a SUPERKICK~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin grabs Reject in a side headlock, but Reject backs him into a corner. Reject shoves him off towards TK, who attempts to clothesline him from the apron, but Benjamin ducks, then catches TK and Reject with a double clothesline, knocking TK from the apron to the floor! COLE TK trying for the shot from the apron, but it backfired! Moss comes in after Reject, as the referee tries to separate them, while Benjamin goes for a PLANCHA~! on TK, who catches him in his arms! COACH Oh, he caught him! TK then rams Benjamin back-first into the ringpost! COLE And right into the steel ringpost goes Quentin Benjamin! TK then tosses Benjamin inside, and Reject covers... 1... 2... But Benjamin gets his foot on the bottom rope! COACH And saved by the ropes, just like PRL at AngleSlam! COLE Oh, don't start that already. Reject chokes Benjamin on the mat, then tags in TK. TK whips Benjamin into the ropes, and catches him in a PRESS SLAM~! COACH Look at the power! The champs have it under control now! TK slams Benjamin to the mat, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK whips Benjamin into the corner, then goes over and taunts Moss, drawing him into the ring, as TK lifts up the legs of Benjamin while Reject chokes him on the ropes. COLE Mistake here by Moss, being drawn into the ring and allowing a double team to take place! TK tags Reject back in, and Reject backs Benjamin into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then pulls Benjamin out, and executes a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Benjamin and attempts a whip to the corner, but Benjamin reverses, and charges, but runs right into the foot of Reject! Reject then tags TK back in. TK sets up a vertical suplex, but Benjamin counters to a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And Benjamin almost sneaking out with the belts right there! TK gets to his feet and drops an elbow to the back of the head of Benjamin, then tags Reject back in. Reject stomps away at Benjamin, then whips him into the ropes. Benjamin ducks a clothesline, but gets caught with a spinning wheel kick! COACH Benjamin can't hold out here much longer, he's got to find some way to make a tag if they ever want to hold the belts again! Reject covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Benjamin, and whips him into a corner. He charges...but Benjamin gets a foot up! COLE This may be his chance right here! Benjamin follows up with a BULLDOG~! COLE And now is the time Quentin! Make the tag! As Benjamin scoots over to his corner, TK hops into the ring, but the referee intercepts him, as Benjamin MAKES THE TAG~! COLE And there's the tag! COACH No, no referee! Moss comes in and starts to grab Reject, but the referee forces him back to the corner as Moss pleads his case. COLE And the referee's back was turned, what a tough break for the challengers! TK picks up Benjamin, and executes a FALLAWAY SLAM~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! TK tags Reject back in, and Reject sets up an Irish whip. Benjamin reverses, but gets sent to the mat with a shoulderblock! Reject runs to the ropes again as Benjamin turns to his stomach, then gets to his feet and catches Reject with a spinning wheel kick! COLE Look at this! 1... 2... But TK makes the save! Moss comes in to object, which allows TK and Reject to floor Benjamin with a double clothesline! COLE And another critical error by Moss, very uncharacteristic of Team Heyross! Reject covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Reject tags TK in, and TK grabs Benjamin in a hangman's hold. COACH Beginning of the end, Cole! Reject measures Benjamin, and lays a roundhouse kick to the midsection! Reject steps out, as TK covers... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But Quentin Benjamin isn't done yet! TK tags Reject back in, and the two set up an Irish whip into the corner. TK follows Benjamin in...but Benjamin catches him in a bulldog, and dropkicks Reject on the way down! COLE And Benjamin taking out both champs, and now he MUST tag! Benjamin rolls over to the ropes, and uses them to pull into his corner, and TAG MOSS! COLE And there's the tag! The referee saw that one! Moss hops in, and floors Reject with a clothesline, then does the same to TK! COLE Moss is a HOUSE AFIRE~! Moss scoops slams Reject, then TK! Moss whips Reject into the ropes, and executes a POWERSLAM~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! TK saves! Benjamin crawls in and drills TK from behind, as Moss hammers Reject in a corner. TK hammers Benjamin in a corner, but Benjamin reverses an Irish whip out as Moss sends Reject in, and the champs collide! COLE The champs are losing it here! A Team Heyross double superkick sends TK reeling to the floor, then Team Heyross sizes up Reject, and hits the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! COLE The Double Goozle! COACH C'mon Reject, kick out! 1... 2... NO!!! Reject gets the shoulder up! Moss then walks over to the ropes, as Benjamin runs at him, and backdrops Benjamin over the top onto TK! COLE What a move that was! Benjamin then climbs to the top rope, as Moss positions himself underneath...just as they see Alfdogg jogging to ringside, then turn towards the aisle, and Moss executes the Rocket Launcher by tossing Benjamin to the outside onto Alf! COACH What the hell? COLE That was Alfdogg heading to the ring, and Team Heyross saw him coming! Moss then hits the STO BACKBREAKER~! on Reject, and starts to set up the MOSSY KNOLL~!!!111, when Sandman9000 comes through the crowd and slides into the ring! COLE And now Sandman9000 out here! Sandman and Moss engage in a slugfest as the referee is reprimanding TK and Benjamin on the outside, until Moss ducks a clothesline and sends Sandman to the floor with a superkick, then turns around...right into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COACH YES~! COLE The Eulogy from Reject! Don't let it end this way! The referee turns around, and counts... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE DAMN IT~! COACH Benjamin chases Reject out of the ring, then drops down to check on Moss. BUFFER The winners of the match...and STILL OAOAST World tag team champions...the team of THHHHHHHHUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! COLE A travesty here at Zero Hour, as Team Heyross now will not get another shot at the belts as long as they are in the possession of TK and Reject, and with Alf and Sandman watching their backs, who knows how long their reign will last? The Deadly Alliance celebrates in the aisle, as Benjamin sits on his knees in the ring, letting the facts sink in. COLE And you can see the disappointment setting in with Team Heyross now... Benjamin gets to his feet, and helps Moss up, as the fans begin to applaud Team Heyross. COLE But these fans here in Cleveland aren't disappointed with this team! COACH What do you expect, Cole, it's Cleveland! This city has been supporting losers for over four decades now, Team Heyross fits right in! COLE Will you stop it? Those two men in the ring are anything but losers, it's just a shame that this match couldn't have been contested without any outside interference! Team Heyross salutes the fans as they leave the ring. COLE Well, no matter what the result of this one, we're looking at two champions making their way to the back! The camera cuts backstage, to find "After Hours" Felix Strutter hanging from a bar doing upside down crunches. COLE And there is the former two-time Heartland champion, "After Hours" Felix Strutter, one of the six participants in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell later tonight! He was the last man eliminated last year, he's hoping this year he can be the last man standing! Elsewhere Detective Bosley is patrolling the lavish and well furnished Enterprise dressing room, psyching himself for the big match still to come. BOSLEY I'm a fuckin animal, bro! Do you hear me? Do you see that shit on animal planet with the lion running down the gazelle across the field and getting what's his? The gazelle thinks its can get away, but no, man, no, laws of nature say the king of the jungle has got to eat! That's how I eat, man! Sly Sommers? That's just me feasting on an appetizer, baby. That's like a little lemur to a lion, I'm coming for the big meal tonight! I'm the alpha dog of the jungle, baby! I'd take an elephant by its trunk and throw it all the way to Jupiter! That's how I roll, baby! Real jungle shit, Rambo with the knife in his mouth about to explode on those Vietcong bitches. I'm like those dudes you see up on National Geographic with the big lips that stick out in front of their face and cut off their balls and stand on totem polls and shit to prove their manhood. That's me! I ain't cuttin off my balls, though. I got balls for days, baby. Don't ever leave your chick around the alpha male, because she's gonna have a sore ass for weeks. I'm kidding, I don't deal in used pussy! I get fresh meat, baby, all day everyday! CPA Maybe you should be easy for bit. You got heat on you for that thing with Sly. Just calm down, be cool. BOSLEY Hell no! I'm doing it VIP style! I'm in the club, I'm throwing paper stacks, I'm displaying ice, I'm doing pump fakes, I'm sending chumps through plate glass windows, I'm slapping disrespectful hos in the face, because I don't give a damn who you are, I'm the alpha male of the group, and I dominate my domain! Guess how many hos I slapped today! Guess! Guess, how many I slapped before I came here! CPA Man, I don't wanna play the guessing game right now. BOSLEY That not's a number! Eight hos! Eight for the number of chakras I have, because I'm also centered in my chi. I've relaxed my spirt and I've channeled my soul to a higher level of astral existence. A true alpha male is dominate in mind as well as spirt. Remember that, because chicks dig that deep Depok Chopra shit. I don't plan on dying before you but if I do, I'm gonna be your spirit guide. Count on that, baby! With alpha male guiding you down the path of enlightenment, its all gravy, baby! COME ON, CPA! LET'S DO THIS, BABY! COLE What an idiot. But, he's a part of the Chamber of Hell match coming up later on tonight with Heartland title holder, Sandman9000! And the Sandman's stablemates Reject and ThunderKid just pulled off a successful title defense, but will Alfdogg be able to live up to his promise and beat Tha Puerto Rican in the mainevent? Alfdogg is a student of the game, a legend in this industry... COACH And he's returning respect back to the belt! And its about time someone man upped and did it. Damn, Brickston and PRL? That's worse than Bossman and Big Show for the world title. At least Bossman had the decency to hijack Big Show's daddy casket and get his mama to call him a nasty bastard. I'm steady lookin forward to trackin PRL's career progression after he loses that belt it'll be a job to CPA in a 30 second squash at Halloween Spectacular, a Syndicated feud with Danny Boy, a "sorry creative has nothing for you at this time, PRL", and finally a job workin as a greeter at WAL*MART. Ricans stay losin!

Sho thang, Dr.Z. Just send it to me or any other dude with an orange name (thanks KC!). The show may just go up on Friday anyway, because the main seg isn't finished and neither is another important one, but I take blame for that because I should've hooked zack up with my part earlier in the week. Boo me. Kick me. But do not hate me. Only pit me. Lonesome me. Lonesome tired me. I tried so hard. Yes I did.

A multi-color disco ball lowers as "Rock Your Baby" hits, but with the lyrics to "My Dick" to create a funky fresh remix titled "Rock My Dick Baby" that's bound for the next OAOAST: The Music CD release. BUFFER The following 6-person special attraction is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by MALAYSIA NERDLY and TONY TOURETTES, at a total combine weight of 686 pounds, the team of BBIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF ATLAS, "THE DISCO DUCK" VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNYYYYYYYYYY VALENTINE and MMMISSSSSSSSTEEEEERRRRR DICK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" His teammates posing onstage under a golden shower of pyro, Biff Atlas maintains his distance to avoid a Michael Jackson/James Hetfield type of accident, which shouldn’t be too hard in the HAZMAT SUIT he’s wearing. COLE What is this?! COACH A man who's resourceful. Not only is Biff protected from stray pyro, but also infectious diseases carried by the likes of Los Diablos de Fuego. You might say that suit's AIDS tested and Biff approved! COLE I apologize for those remarks, ladies and gentlemen. COACH How come? Nobody apologizes when people make STD jokes about guys like Mr. Dick and Ned Blanchard. Why is that? Because they're straight? That's hypocrisy, Mikey Cole. Homosexuals may be a cleaner people but they're not that clean. Besides, the last couple of times Los Diablos and Biff have come in contact, they've practically tried to sodomize him! Once ringside Biff Atlas produces a TAPE MEASURE and determines the security barricade isn't 10 feet from the ring and orders that it be fixed ASAP or he'll have the event stopped. COLE He can't do that! COACH Of course he can. Biff wasn't appointed Health and Safety Officer of the OAOAST for nothing. COLE Self-appointed I might add. As referee Clem Buzzlefoxer and other OAOAST officials -- timekeeper, road agents, etc --correct the violations ringside, plays in our next team moving and grooving inside a block of neon oval cut outs (watch the video to see exactly what I mean). BUFFER And their opponents. First, at a total combine weight of 340 pounds, the sexiest team in AAAAALL of Mexico... MORACCA and MARIACHI... LOS DIABLOS DE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO! And their partner, hailing from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into the Hollywood Walk of Fame and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos in addition to being the star of the VH1 reality show The Look of Love and the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, here she is… "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KRISTA ISADORAAAAAA DDUUUUUUUUUUUNNCAN!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Krista and Los Diablos burst on the pink and yellow lit stage where they are joined by an assortment of ethnically diverse female dancers. To the ring they go, slapping hands along the way like any baby face worth his or her salt. COLE Fans, before our match begins, I want to quickly remind you that Krista will be competing tomorrow night on the huge SWF super card Genesis against Chance Silver. COACH An event brought to you by Landon Maddix. COLE I knew you'd work that in somehow. But ladies and gentlemen, if you order Genesis and Zero Hour later that weekend, you can get $10 off your Zero Hour purchase by sending a copy of your cable or satellite bill to: OAOAST PPV Deal P.O. Box 149 New York, New York 10027 In the ring, Krista has the mic. KRISTA We're here, we're queer, and honey, we're ready to kick some rear! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Not to be outdone, Vinny Valentine gives his team's response. VINNY (Travolta-esque laugh) Well, sweet cheeks, we're young, we're hung, and when it's all said and done your bells will have been rung! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Vinny strikes that familiar Saturday Night Fever pose and gets smacked upside the head by Krista! "Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it." Vinny whines. "She hits my hair." Clem shrugs as if to say "What do you want me to do about it?" "You can tell her not to hit my hair." COLE I guess we can add mind reader along with dancing fool to Vinny's résumé. COACH What Krista did was uncalled for, Cole. Hitting Vinny in the hair is like kicking a man in the family jewels. It's wrong. But what's right is an appearance from ALIX MARIA SPEZIA. Wearing a sexy soccer referee uniform, the Princess of Los Angeles rides in on a...ZEBRA!?! COACH Oh, great. Here comes Woody Allen's fantasy. A child-like female of legal age. COLE I'm more concerned about the zebra loose in the arena. I hope it's tamed. Alix skips inside for a consultation with referee Clem Buzzlefoxer and ring announcer Michael Buffer. Lost staring at Alix's bosoms, Clem nods...and nods...and nods. "So we're, like, cool and stuff?" she asks. * drools * "Wow, you must really be thirsty, or this job's harder than I thought." "Yes," says the mouth watery World War II vet, "hard." COACH Clem, you senile old pervert. Wrestling's only true senior official is escorted to his timekeeper's table seat, then an official announcement. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your referee for this contest... ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK/VINNY/BIFF COLE So much for their 4 ½ advantage. COACH 4 ½? I count 5. Hey, there's no need for that cheap shot on Tony Tourettes. I bet he could take you in a fight. Malaysia warns Alix to call it by the rules with the crack of her cat 'o-nines tail, which the Hollywood Bad Girl rightfully interprets as a threat and issues her a... GOLD AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD!?! Apparently it's supposed to represent a yellow caution card in soccer, but its too plain for Alix's taste. MALAYSIA "OK, you know what? I'm not feeling a connection between us, so YOU'RE OUTTA HERE" The dreaded RED CARD (actually Jade's Target card but Krista took it away because Duncan girls don't pay for items/clothes, they're celebrities) makes its pro wrestling debut and Malaysia is none too happy. Neither is Tony Tourettes. TONY BITCH! CUNT! WHORE! STARFUCKER! ALIX (moans w/pleasure) Oooooh, yeah, I so am. (staring at Krista) (to Tony) Anyway, red card for you to, Ricky Retardo. COLE Oh, my. Tony Tourettes has also been ejected from ringside! COACH Alix is making Joey Crawford look like a Sunday school teacher. But who is she to call someone else retarded? That's like... Well, it's like something. Vinny calms his cousin outside as Mr. Dick has a few choice words for Alix, only to be grabbed in a REVERSE BLUE BALL SPECIAL~! MR. DICK * DINGDINGDING * COLE And we're officially underway. COACH Yeah, after that underhanded tactic. The Human Hard On manages to get behind Krista and takes her down in a waistlock, then floats on top and proceeds to HUMP HER HEAD! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Once finished Mr. Dick lies across the top turnbuckle pretending to enjoy a cigarette. Fuming mad, Krista sprints ahead and punts the Cock Prick in the air, causing him to CROTCH himself on the top rope! "GFQWFQWIYAHAAAH!" (re-read last week's pose down to understand its meaning) Krista shakes the top rope until Mr. Dick springs back inside, then she traps him in the corner and unloads from the middle rope. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... Mr. Dick answers with an inverted atomic drop, but since chicks have no dicks it has little effect. Guys do, though, and sporting a facial expression that says "bitch, please," the Nortorious K.I.D. kicks the narcissistic SOB in the balls and delivers a WSDDDT(write shit down DDT)! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista pulls a tube of lipstick from within her top and scribbles the following message: SWF GENESIS FEATURING: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SWF LEGEND CHANCE SILVER SEPTEMBER 26TH ON PPV Yes, all that. Krista is a woman of extraordinary talent. Now the cover. ONE... TWO... NO! Krista moves and Vinny drops an elbow on MD! As Vinny apologizes to his partner Krista slaps him upside the head. Again. "Hey, what did I tell ya about my hair?" he shouts. "You told me to watch it." "Right. And whatcha do?" "I hit it." "She hit my hair. She hit my hair, referee lady." Alix ponders the testimony heard and rules in favor of Vinny, issuing Krista a yellow card to her astonishment. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "But, baby," Krista pleads. "Uh-uh-uh. I'm nobody's baby. I am the referee in charge." Alix retorts, pointing to the zebra still ringside. KRISTA "Oh, you really know how to melt my heart. OK, yellow card rescinded." COACH The hell?! Who's Krista sleeping with to get a call... Oh, never mind. "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Seeing how Krista charmed herself out of a yellow card, Vinny naturally thinks a cool cat like himself can get Alix to overturn her decision...again. His best puppy dog face on display, he struts up to Alix and receives a yellow card! "That's for thinking I'm stupid, stupid." Vinny's really now, and a DOUBLE DROPKICK from Los Diablos doesn't help matters! Out to the floor he goes and face to face he comes with the zebra, which becomes attracted to Vinny's zebra pattern bellbottoms! COLE We're about 30 seconds from broadcasting live on Animal Planet, fans. Vinny dashes to his corner. Luckily for him, the animal handlers intervene before the zebra could give chase. Inside, Mr. Dick gains control, clubbing Krista from behind and then wiping out Los Diablos with a clothesline! COACH Who's kicking rear now, Cole? COLE Krista and Los Diablos got caught paying attention to what was going on outside. Not that I can blame them. Back on the apron, Vinny wants the tag and gets it, then plays a painful version of Dance Dance Revolution on Krista while shouting "for my hair!" The Disco Duck then grabs a handful of Krista's, but as he's about to yank back he's elbowed in the gut. Doubled over, he watches Krista go by and tag Moracca. But he gets both Diablos and the homies don't hug, they LICK the side of his face ala the Bushwhackers! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mariachi exits as Moracca wrings the arm of Vinny Valentine, but Vinny responds in kind and is hip tossed. The Vin-Man complains about the use of tights, and like a good referee should Alix questions Moracca about it. COACH Good luck with that. Like he's gonna admit to it. Cleared of any wrongdoing, the action resumes with both men locking up, and Vinny lands a forearm to the side of the face. He then whips Moracca across and charges in, but the flaming luchador floats over the top of him and sprints to the opposite far corner. Vinny follows but drops down as Moracca leaps onto the middle rope, only to foolishly pop up and point out how smart he is. When he turns around he's by a pair of boots courtesy of a MISSLE DROPKICK! COLE Vinny might be missing a few teeth after that one. He got caught good there. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Moracca signals for the Fameasser, but Vinny blocks the kick that sets it up and taunts the flamboyant masked man. ENZURIGI~! COLE That's what Vinny gets for his cockiness. Vinny wanders to the wrong part of town and gets nailed by Krista and Mariachi before getting placed in an arm wringer that has his free hand used to rub Moracca's genitals! COACH Poor Vinny's getting a lot of cock now, isn't he, Cole? Freaking out, the Disco Duck heads to the ropes to force a break and tags a reluctant Biff Atlas. Hazmat suit and all, the self appointed Health and Safety Officer of the OAOAST clearly would rather not be in the ring with either Diablo. "BIFF IS A WHIP!" "BIFF IS A WHIP!" "BIFF IS A WHIP!" COACH Whatever happened to southern hospitality? Upset by the chant, Biff grabs the mic. BIFF Excuse me, but I am not a whip. I remind you that professional wrestling is a very dangerous sport. Simply walking across the ring could lead to a torn quadriceps. So I ask that you please refrain from calling me a whip. However, if you wish to be vocal I suggest it be something constructive such as "SAFETY FIRST! SAFETY FIRST! SAFETY FIRST!" As Biff unsuccessfully leads the crowd in chant, Los Diablos make the exchange. Mariachi coming up the rear to sweep Biff off his feet and ride him like a pony, slapping that ass while wearing the HASO's hazmat helmet and yelling "Giddy up!" "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mr. Dick and Vinny rush in, but Krista and Moracca cut them off with a pair of drop toeholds, then ride them both! That earns Los Diablos a pair of GREEN CARDS from Alix! COLE This place is going crazy! COACH And I think I'm about to puke with this blatant disregard for the rules by Krista and Los Diablos. They've been in well past the allotted 5 seconds. Once Krista and Moracca have had their fun they return to the apron. Meanwhile, Biff throws Mariachi off and teaches us all why it's important to ALWAYS WEAR SAFTEY GOGGLES as he connects with a running high knee! The cover. ONE... TWO... "OW!" Biff yelps after Moracca stomps him to make the save. Rubbing the back of his neck, Biff informs Moracca that wasn't very nice and demands an apology. Instead he gets dropkicked from behind and punched in the face as he stumbles forward, then back again to be rolled up in a SCHOOL BOY! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Mariachi ducks a clothesline and tags Krista! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Biff decides its time to check how Clem and the other OAOAST officials did fixing the guardrail issue from earlier and tags an off-guard Vinny Valentine who quickly tags Mr. Dick. No one else to tag, Mr. Dick mans up and tells the Notorious K.I.D. to bring it. She does and the two opponents Sunday night at Zero Hour trade blows. Just when it appears MD is starting to gain the advantage KID mounts a comeback. MD takes a nosedive following a series of VANITY PUNCHES, and then Krista comes off the ropes with her trademark SALSA KNEE DROP! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Krista hooks MD for a bulldog, but as she sprints forward and leaves her feet, Mr. Dick shoves her off towards the corner where she CROTCHES HERSELF ON THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Alix covers her mouth in horror as he beloved partner in life writhes on the mat in excruciating pain. The complete opposite can be said for Mr. Dick who grins from ear to ear. He adds to Krista's ovarian discomfort with the COCK SHOCK! COACH I guess we can rule out Krista having another child anytime soon. Ha! Caught between a rock and a hard place, Alix motions over the originally referee assigned to the bout, Clem Buzzlefoxer, and TAGS him. "Krista gets real grumpy after losses," she informs ol Clem, "although it also makes her real kinky in bed. Anyhoo, I don't want to risk Krista fingering my spine out of my baby maker during our adult play time for counting her out, you know?" "Safety first." chimes Biff. "You got it, dude." COLE A referee exchange during the match? Well that's certainly a first, not to mention bizarre. The count from Clem! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK COACH Mr. Dick, Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas were robbed, Cole. They had the match won. Mr. Dick places Krista on the top turnbuckle and proclaims, "BARON WINDELS, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!" "No, honey," Krista interrupts, "this one's for you." A nice swift KNEE TO THE BALLS, that is. COLE Why Mr. Dick continues to obsess over Baron Windels is anybody's guess, but it may come back to haunt him in a big way. "K-I-D!" "K-I-D!" "K-I-D!" The crowd chanting her name, Krista balances herself on the top rope and does a little grind before stomping both feet down onto the stomach of MD! She then makes the tag to Moracca who comes in a house afire. "Ooh, ooh. Tag me. Clem, tag me back in." Alix begs. Unfortunately Clem lost his hearing aid sometime during the middle portion of the match and since his eyesight is poor he's unable to read lips. Moracca slams MD and Vinny, but needs Mariachi's help to handle the bigger but not necessarily badder Biff Atlas. They both duck a clothesline and backdrop Biff on the rebound, then whip him to the corner where Mariachi dives across the middle rope to keep him trapped as Moracca flies in with the TOOTIE FROOTIE BOOTY BUMP to the face! COLE Los Diablos en Fuego. COACH DOUBLE TILT-A-WHIRL FACE FIRST SLAM takes care of Vinny. Then the guys signal for their spike tombstone piledriver finisher, the Sodomizer. But Krista wants the honor of spiking MD. Los Diablos play to the crowd and they approve. As Moracca scoops MD up, the Cocky Prick grows about 7 more inches and pokes the Diablo in the eye! He then shoves Mariachi into Krista, knocking her off the top and down onto the apron and finally the arena floor. Alix quick to her side. Mr. Dick covers Moracca. ONE... TWO... THREE!!!! * DINGDINGDING * Mr. Dick rolls outside to celebrate with his teammates. Excessively. Like Boston Red Sox only clinching a playoff birth excessive. BUFFER Here are your winners... VINNY VALENTINE, BIFF ATLAS and MR. DICK! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE That's gotta be the all-time most shocking ending to a match, fans. I mean... how do you even describe it? COACH Mr. Dick beat Krista. COLE His team beat hers, yes. COACH That's what I said. Mr. Dick beat Krista. COLE No, her team. COACH They were on opposing teams, right? COLE Right. COACH And his team won. COLE Correct. COACH Which proves my point. Mr. Dick beat Krista! COLE (groans) We'll be back. The camera cuts to the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview area where Josh "J. Math" Matthews is standing by. JOSH MATTHEWS Josh Matthews here, and in a few moments, I will conduct an interview with the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion Tha Puerto Rican. And--P.R., P.R., P.R.! Tha Puerto Rican walks by Josh Matthews, completely ignoring him. J. Math stands there, puzzled, as Tha Puerto Rican continues on walking. JOSH MATTHEWS P...P.R.? P.R.? P.R.? P.R.? Josh Matthews continues watching Tha Puerto Rican walk away. FADE OUT COMMERCIAL COMING NEXT WEEK NEW HeldDOWN themesong NEXT WEEK! COMING UP NEXT STUFF! NEXT!

COLE Let's go backstage to Melissa Nerdly, she's got an update on the condition of Leon Rodez. As we cut to the back, we find Melissa stood outside the trainer's room which is being guarded closely by a member of security. You know, just incase. MELISSA Well, I WILL have an update once this dude steps outta my way. Look, I gotta get in there bub'. SECURITY They're working on someone. MELISSA I know they are. He's my boyfriend. .....huh!? SECURITY Is that so? MELISSA Yeah. Nerdly chick with the microphone? Don't you watch this show or something? SECURITY Of course, I'm sorry. The security guard steps aside and Melissa goes right on in. There, we find a very groggy looking Leon Rodez, laid out on the trainer's bench. The trainer shines a bright light into his eyes and seems happy enough that no lasting damage has been done it would seem. Melissa goes over and barges in while the trainer is busy across the room, placing a comforting hand on Leon's bare chest as he looks around wondering what's going on. LEON Maggie? MELISSA Leon, are you okay? LEON Wha... I'm fine. Just a splitting headache. MELISSA Oh my, that's a relief to hear, because it looked like Reject got you real good out there. Can you try to describe to the people at home what happened, if you're not too hurt? Distracted by the hand on his chest, Leon shifts around a little until Melissa gets the message that there's in-depth reporting and there's crossing the line. LEON I think it was pretty obvious... Reject got me with a Eulogy. After that, I dunno, it's a little hazy at the moment. But I guess I walked right into the trap, didn't I? It's a step up from attacking women, I suppose. MELISSA Well, we're all really glad to hear you're doing okay Leon. Michael, Coach, we're gonna let Leon get some peace now, let's take it back to you guys. Melissa continues to comfort a still dis-orientated Leon as we go back to Sofa Central. COACH Damn, that girl gets results, huh? COLE You could say that, yes. Folks, we'll be back with a six person bout after this! COMING UP NEXT KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO VS MISTER DICK AND PANIC AT THE DISCO! (NOT THE BAND) NEXT! COMMERCIAL THIS SUNDAY/MONDAY/TUESDAY AT THE LATEST ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW!! LANDON SAYS IF YOU WERE SMART YOU'D WATCH GENESIS. BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY STUPID SO YOU MOST LIKELY WON'T

The show returns, with Punishment by BIOHAZARD playing and Brock Ausstin walking towards the ring. COLE And we're back on HeldDOWN for our six-man tag team match, as Brock Ausstin makes his entrance! Brock hops onto the apron and jerks back on the ropes, causing pyro to explode from all four corners. COLE And of course, Colombian Heat originally scheduled to be in this match, but due to his condition, is being held out by OAOAST President Josie Baker until the Chamber of Hell at Zero Hour, and replaced by Denzel Spencer for this match! Brock steps through the ropes, then gives high tens to his teammates, "After Hours" Felix Strutter and Denzel Spencer. The camera then focuses on the other corner, which features Sandman9000, Faqu, and Detective Tango Bosley. COACH And interesting on the other side, you have one member of the Deadly Alliance, one member of the Enterprise, and one member of Cucaracha International all on one team! COLE And of course, there's a big power struggle between the stables in the OAOAST, so it'll be interesting to see how this team co-exists! COACH You know, that's another thing I've wondered...you've got a Deadly Alliance guy, an Enterprise guy, a Cucaracha guy in this Chamber match...why doesn't the In-Crowd have anyone in this match? Too dangerous, they were afraid of gettin' hurt out there? What's the deal there? COLE No, I think that Brock was just so impressive in that battle royal, and he, Felix, and Heat have all had impressive showings in the Chamber in the past, and that stuff is taken into account when naming the participants for the Chamber match! It was a contention issue. COACH Yeah yeah, contention, the In-Crowd is runnin' scared! Well, three of the four members are. I don't think Sly's gonna be doin much runnin thanks to Bosley. Sly is wheelchairn scared! He crutchin' scared! He usin' his walker scared! Denzel starts off for his team, as does Tango Bosley, and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE And Denzel is going to start the match for his team, along with Detective Tango Bosley representing the Enterprise! I can't believe he has the nerve to stand out here after what he just did to Sly Sommers. Sickening. Denzel and Bosley tie up, then Bosley backs him into the ropes, and lays in a shot to the gut. Bosley attempts an Irish whip, but Denzel reverses, as Felix steps into the ring. Both Denzel and Felix leapfrog Bosley, then catch him with a double hiptoss! COACH Come on, ref, get someone out of there! Felix then hits a snap legdrop, as Denzel simultaneously hits a senton splash! Brock then jumps into the ring, and intercepts Faqu with right hands, while Felix cuts off Sandman. Brock clotheslines Faqu to the floor, while Felix and Denzel hit stereo dropkicks on Sandman and Bosley, respectively! COLE And so far, it's the team of Brock, Felix and Denzel with all the cohesiveness! Sandman, Bosley, and Faqu look up at the ring, then Bosley rolls back in, with Felix meeting him inside. COLE And now it's "After Hours" Felix Strutter in the ring, with Bosley coming back in for his team! Felix and Bosley move in, and Bosley delivers a foot to the gut, then hammers away on the back. He sets him up in the corner, then attempts an Irish whip. Felix reverses, but Bosley hops to the second rope, then fakes out Strutter. COLE Nice agility by the big man Bosley, and a nice fakeout! However, when Bosley jumps, he gets caught with a fist to the gut from Felix! COLE But Felix was waiting on him! Faqu starts to step through the ropes, and gets caught with a dropkick! However, this allows Bosley to clothesline Felix from behind! COLE But that momentary distraction allowed Bosley to gain an advantage! Faqu gets back on the apron, and Bosley tags him in. Faqu whips Felix across, then floors him with a body attack! COACH Faqu just running him over! Faqu then turns and tags in Sandman, who backs Felix into the corner, and delivers right hands, then drags him into a neutral corner and rams him into a buckle. He sets Felix up, then attempts an Irish whip. Felix reverses, then charges, but Sandman moves out of the way! Sandman grabs him by the head, and tags in Faqu, who comes in and delivers a headbutt, then drops to the mat for a headbutt, but Felix rolls out of the way, then tags Denzel! COLE Nobody home on that headbutt, and Denzel back in there now! Denzel springs in, catching Faqu with a dropkick on the way over, then runs to the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and floors Faqu with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout with AUTHORITY~! COACH But look at the power on that kickout! Denzel then comes back and grabs Faqu in a side headlock. COLE But Denzel not backing down! Faqu shoves Denzel across, where Bosley waits on the floor and grabs his foot. Denzel turns and kicks at Bosley, then turns back around in time for Faqu to trap one arm, and take him over with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COACH Yeah! COLE And a big suplex from Faqu! COACH And some nice teamwork there between him and Bosley! Faqu covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Faqu then tags in Bosley, and the two join up for an Irish whip, catching Denzel with a double chop! COLE And another nice double-team! Bosley stomps away on Denzel, then tags in Sandman, and the two pick up Denzel, and drop him throat-first across the ropes! Sandman then resumes the stomping, then backs him into the corner and executes BOOT SCRAPES~! COLE And Sandman with those boot laces right across the face of Denzel Spencer! Sandman then executes a snapmare, followed by a seated dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman chokes Denzel on the mat, as the referee lays a count in, releasing at four. He then picks him up and whips him into the ropes. Denzel ducks a clothesline, and catches him with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman gets to his feet, and drives an elbow in to the back of the head, then tags in Faqu. Faqu comes in, and drops a headbutt on Denzel, then another! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But Denzel keeps kicking out! Faqu tags in Bosley, who comes in and sets up a suplex, but Denzel rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And Denzel almost stole this one! Bosley stomps away on Denzel, then goes over and takes a shot at Brock on the apron, drawing him inside! COACH And look at that smart move by Bosley! Brock drawn into the ring, and that allows a double team! Bosley holds back Denzel, as Faqu unloads with chops, then lifts Spencer, and executes the LONG ARMS OF THE LAW~! COACH Wow, that could be it right there, Cole! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But no, Denzel comes out again! Bosley this time goes after Felix, then Faqu comes in once again. Bosley holds Denzel...but this time, Denzel moves, and Bosley eats a thrust kick from Faqu! COACH Oh no! COLE Faqu kicking his partner! Denzel pulls himself to his corner, but instead of trying to stop him, Bosley makes his way over to Faqu as the two argue! COACH Oh, come on guys! COLE And it looks like it's all falling apart! Denzel makes the tag to Brock! COLE And here comes Brock Ausstin! Bosley and Faqu continue to argue, then turn their attention to Brock, as Bosley shoves Faqu into him! Brock fires off right hands, but Faqu hits a thrust to the throat! Faqu then sets up an Irish whip, but Brock blocks, then pulls him in for an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE BIG suplex on the 300-pounder! However, Sandman comes off the top, and hits Brock from behind with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! COLE But Sandman with a dropkick from behind! Sandman hammers away on Brock, who fights back to his feet, and a slugfest ensues, until Bosley charges in with a clothesline...which accidentally nails Sandman! COLE And again, miscommunication between partners! Brock goes for a clothesline, but Bosley ducks, and executes SERVING HARD TIME~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel and Felix hammer Faqu on the outside, as Sandman rolls back inside with a kendo stick. Bosley hooks Brock in a front facelock, and signals for the end...but Sandman clobbers him with the kendo stick! COACH Oh no! COLE And that was no accident right here! Sandman departs the ring, as Brock gets to his feet, scooping Bosley up...and executing the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE And the F-Stunner-5! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE He got him! BUFFER The winners of the match...the team of DENZEL SPENCER, "AFTER HOURS" FELIX STRUTTER, and BRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Sandman departs down the aisle, not looking back, as Brock celebrates in the ring, while Denzel and Felix roll in and raise his arms. Faqu stands on the outside and screams at the winning team, while Bosley comes to and storms back stage, yelling Sandman's name. COACH Boy, is Bosley steamed! Go on and find Sly, he still got another leg you can jack up! COLE You can bet Bosley will remember that shot this Sunday in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell! But tonight, the win goes to Brock Ausstin and his teammates, Denzel Spencer and Felix Strutter! Let's go to... HELL! ya'll dudes is fucked now me and christ is like *this*

Returning from break we find a frazzled looking Alix Maria Spezia, elbow deep in a pile of books. Literally elbow deep. Strewn across the catering table are dozens of wedding magazines, catalogues, catering menus, with dozens of yellow sticky labels stuck in, on and around various pages. Sat with a pen jammed in her mouth deep in concentration is Alix, eyes moving between pages at a furious speed. As she becomes ever more frantic, the books and notes are suddenly swept off the table and replaced with a small tub of strawberry ice-cream. Without so much as a second thought Alix dives in and starts to eat the ice-cream, barely noticing Jade Rodez-Duncan sitting on the table beside her. ALIX Ooh, goody. JADE Ally, are you okay? ALIX Never better. Could have done with some sprinkles though... ooh, confetti, we need confetti! As Alix goes to pick the books back up off the floor Jade jumps in front of them to stop her. ALIX Sweetie, you're either gonna have to go on a crash crash diet real quick or step a little to the left. JADE Look, Alix, you really need to stop obsessing. ALIX I can't! This is my destiny, I want to live it while I'm not dead, you know! And narcotics are some powerful shit lemme tell ya. Krista's all I can think about. Morning, noon, night, that one second period where the clock goes from 11:59 to 0:00 and nobody's quite sure what day it is, but luckily it only lasts a second so it's not long enough for anyone to panic about. Seriously, I'm beginning to wig out here Jade. I can't sleep properly, I'm not eating right. So much so that I can't even put it down to harmless insomnia or anorexia! I even forgot the lyrics to Gettin Hot In Here last week! That shit's classic and I couldn't even remember the words, I just froze up, right in the middle of a hot costume dance number, in front of thousands of people. Something's not right for sure! Alix hides her despair with a mouthful of strawberry ice-cream. ALIX Why aren't you wearing your cheerleader outfit? JADE Because I'm not wrestling tonight? ALIX Oh. We need to get you a 'not-wrestling outfit' in that case. Jade looks down at herself a little concerned. JADE Why... what's wrong with what I'm weari... look, nevermind that, we're talking about you and Mom here. I haven't known Mom for that long really, but I do know you're not going to get her to do something before she's ready. She's a strong, indipendent... kinda stubborn woman. She is her own woman and she answers to nobody. Only person who's gonna get past that is Maya. Have you not thought to ask her for some advice? ALIX Of course! Man, why didn't I think of that? Go to the smart kid first! It all makes so much sense now! Scowling a little, Jade regrets even bothering to try and help. Just as she's about to leave though, something makes her cower back towards the table. Alix quickly stands up... not to help, but seeing an opportunity to finally collect up her wedding plans again... as into shot walks MEGAN SKYE. Megan walks right up to Jade, who backed up against the side of the table tries not to look too worried, despite the situation. MEGAN If it isn't the Cinderella story of the summer. Bad news, Jade. JADE Wha... what's that? MEGAN I just got out of Josie's office. And she agreed, since I pinned you last week, I'm the number one contender for your Women's Championship. So, you're going to be defending your title against me on Sunday night in Cleveland. One on one. Not looking too surprised about this, Jade does look nervous instead as Megan continues to stand just inches from her, staring right at her, with Alix paying little or no attention. MEGAN Welcome to the big leagues little girl. Megan reaches forward... and to her amusement, Jade flinches as she lightly pats her across the cheek a couple of times and walks off. ALIX Ooh, how catty. You think she'd make a good bridesmaid? JADE Alix! ALIX I know, I'm sorry, it's my problem, not yours. Looking flustered Jade tries to settle herself back down, as we go back to Sofa Central. COLE If Megan is trying to play the intimidation game with Jade, then... COACH Then what? Then she's gonna succeed in turning Jade into a quivering mess? Then she's gonna become new Women's Champ on Sunday? Let's be real one time, Jade ain't got no game. COLE Has anyone ever told you that your grammar is awful? COACH Anyone ever told you yo' Momma be ho'in herself out nationwide? COLE Just yesterday several people at the bus stop made it clear to express my mother's cross country habit of prostitution. Why do you ask? COACH Nigga, you gay. Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long long years Stole a many man's soul and his faith Dollar bills engulfed in flames flare across every video screen in the arena, mixing with images of classic American wealth such as Moneymaker's mansion, his vacation ranch in Texas, his numerous cars, his private jets and his hunting expeditions. The audience's hatred flares hotter then the digitized fire as Theodore Moneymaker himself is carried through the parted entrance doors by dutitful attendants. Held aloft on his glimmering golden throne, Moneymaker disregards the venom of the lowly audience, and instead flecks away specks from his luxrious 100% cashmere robe. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome The Bllion Dollar Heir, The Messiah Theodore Moneymaker! The welcome is a frosty one, littered with boos and insults from the Kentucky crowd. The Billion Dollar heir is in no mood to deal with their negativity and orders his throne carriers to silence them as he enters the ring. While his loyal servants work to shush a noisy fanbase, Moneymaker is granted a microphone. COLE Zero Hour comes to us live this Sunday from Celevland, Ohio. We have several title matches including a Heartland Chamber of Hell as well as Moneymaker's arch enemy Krista Isadora Duncan facing off against Mister Dick and his right hand man Christian Wright fighting Bohemoth. But its Theodore Moneymaker promising to drop a bombshell on Zack Malibu. And I'm not the only one who hopes Zack drops a School's Out on him! COACH Malibu is done, he on his last legs. Homeboy couldn't drop a school's out on a baby elephant with sickle cell. "BOOOOOOOO!" MONEYMAKER You're right to boo. You're absolutely right to boo. I understand why you do it, because I want to do it to. I want to boo and curse, and kick and stomp my feet and say enough! Enough of Zack Malibu, I'm as tired of talking about 'em as you are of hearing about 'em. I want to talk about the last game at Yankee Stadium, or the firing of Matt Millen, or my good friend John McCain's plan to stimulate the economy the Clinton era democrats destroyed. And epsouse my theroies on how to improve the National Basketball Association. Here's just a taste: When an inner city youth goes to a bad highschool or grows up in a poor household, schools hold him to lower standard just because he had to work 40 hours a week, take care of his siblings, watch his mom be strung out on drugs while his dad is in prison and his high school didnt have books. Boo-fukkin-hoo. Instead of making this thug pull himself up by his timberland bootstraps, these schools attempt to level the playing field by admitting him with lower grades, lower test scores and essays laced with ebonics. COACH Word up, I ain't trynna be fuckin with webster's dictornary of stupid ass monkey shit just to get into college. MONEYMAKER From now on, every 2 point shot a white guy makes should be worth 3 points, a 3 should be worth 4 points, a free throw is worth 1.5 points. White players should get 8 fouls before they foul out, and they should be credited with an automatic block AND steal before the game starts to compensate for their defensive playmaking weaknesses. The typical white kid might have a few advantages that lead to him doing a better job in school then the black kid.........but he doesnt have nearly as many advantages as the black kid does with basketball. Lets break it down as the following, White kid: Go to college, parents don't make much of money so you take out loans. Graduate making $50,000 a year, you have $40,000 in loans....plus you have to pay taxes because people are on welfare. Black kid: Lebron James gets a 90 million dollar contract from Nike at age 18! COACH Its a shame when hardworking Americans like you and I are left to pay the price for the black man's laziness. COLE "WE WANT ZACK! WE WANT ZACK! WE WANT ZACK!" MONEYMAKER My problem is that Zachary just doesn't take hints all that well, now does he? The man has many, many, flaws, too many for me to go into right now, but I think the biggest is that he just doesn't know when he's not wanted. I lead a team of knights in shinning armor against he and his worthless lapdog Rodez, defeat them with ease, and although he pulled a bull excuse about his little girl, he still came crawling back to the OAOAST. I've ran him down deep into the ground, exposed him as a fraud and he still has the nerve to drag his carcass back to my company for even more whippings and tongue lashings. What's wrong with this moron? Can someone tell me? Is he a masochist, is that his thing? You like to be abused, go hang around Malaysia! BWHAHAHAAH COACH Trill line, sir. Trill line. COLE Trill line? You're just making up terms as you go along. COACH Sucka, quit being a bouncy monk, ol wobbly chuckle plant! MONEYMAKER And that's why I gotta do what I have planned for Zero Hour. Zack hasn't given me any choice, and his In Crowd hasn't given me any choice. Their refusal to leave the OAOAST to the men rightfully deemed to run it is what has caused me and my Enterprise to dig deep into his past and show the world once and for all what type of evil bastard the men who used to be in control of this company have called The Franchise. I wish I didn't have to do this, and Zack, Rodez, and the rest would go quietly away into the night. But they refuse and so they must be destroyed. But, what can I destroy them with? COLE How about facing Zack in a straight one on one match? How about having the guts to do that? MONEYMAKER The options are endless thankfully. Because as few of you are willing to acknowledge, Zack Malibu is one evil, vile little troll. He and his kind have routinley gone above and beyond anything I would ever do in my war to preserve the integrity of this great institution. Zack Malibu has assaulted women, he's turned on his best friends, he's chased talented youngsters out this company, he's put his family in danger, he's held back future superstars, he's given his friends positions they have no business holding, and he has been a detrmient to a company that has at times been a determinet to a network I invest much of my own money into! "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" MONEYMAKER Shut up, all of you! I don't have time to play your little games. Only time for mine, and mine is no game. What I'm playing with is human life and reality. I will show you the reality of Zack Malibu at Zero Hour. But tonight I want to give you a taste of what may come this Sunday. Mackenzie, Christian, and myself spent hours pouring over the worst of Zack Malibu, his most dastardly deeds and what we saw surprised even us. We saw a man, that if he were anyone besides Zack Malibu, would not only be out the OAOAST but rotting inside a jail cell as well. BWAHAHAHAHA! Though there were days worth of footage of that heathen committing his heinous actions, these are only a few of his more violent moments. Please enjoy, because I certainly did not. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! August 8th 2004 Angleslam 2004 OAOAST HeldDOWN April 29th 2004 Anglepalooza 2007 OAOAST HeldDOWN May 11th 2006 OAOAST HeldDOWN August 3rd 2006 We return to live action with the audience vhemently booing as Moneymaker's lips form a large smile over the display he just showcased. COACH Videotape doesn't lie, Mikey. Zack did all those things and more, Mister Moneymaker actually went easy on the guy. Wouldn't want to upset his precious little daughter, woluld we? COLE Just shut up. MONEYMAKER BWAHAHHAHA! There's your viterious hero in all his glory! The Franchise Zack Malibu, the pride of Rhode Island, the pride of the OAOAST. Loving father, doting husband, woman beater, psychopath, and gun toting maniac. Be objective and ask yourself what is Zack Malibu really here for? To serve the betterment of the OAOAST or to fuel his own ego and bring harm to anyone who threatens him? Did Jamie O'Hara deserve to have glass driven through his skull? Did Northstar deserve to have his career ended? Did Crystal deserve to be brutalized for months on end? Did Bruce Blank and the Wildcards deserve to have a GUN pulled on them? Say what you will about the circumstances surronding each of those incidents, but Zack Malibu has crossed the line one too many times. The Enterprise intends on finally having his past catch up to him. The results won't be pretty. "ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!" sing the audience, still very much in support of the former world champion. Moneymaker doesn't look pleased with the vocal support for the man he's viciously slandering in the ring...and is all the more surprised at their joyous reaction when SLY SOMMERS walks down the aisle! COLE Well, the fans are chanting for Zack, but they're getting another In Crowd member right now! COACH Because Zack is afraid to come face to face with the facts, Cole! Sommers gets in the ring and requests a mic, while Moneymaker stands with arms folded, silently questioning his appearance. SOMMERS First off, let's clear one thing up right here, right now. Yes, Zack Malibu is back there, and he would like nothing more than to come out here and kick your ass from corner to corner RIGHT NOW. The fans roar, and Moneymaker simply raises an eyebrow. SOMMERS I know that's what the fans want, I certainly know that's what us in the back want...and honestly, Moneymaker, it has to be what you want, because everything you say and do just BEGS for an ass kicking! Moneymaker scowls, as Sly continues. SOMMERS I'm going to try to be diplomatic here tonight. I'm trying to be the voice of reason, and I even asked Zack myself that I handle this matter. Because nobody...NOBODY...in this company knows more about Zack's supposed "bad side" than me. You talk about young stars run out of the company by Malibu? That was me. You talk about friends that Malibu turned on and left high and dry? That was me? You sit here and show clips of the Zack Malibu of years ago, asking these fans how could they tolerate such actions? They DIDN'T, because the Zack Malibu of today is NOT the same man of years past. It's true, Zack's always had somewhat of an ego...you tell me someone who has everything he has that wouldn't. He's a good looking guy, has a beautiful girlfriend, a beautiful baby daughter... MONEYMAKER That he had OUT OF WEDLOCK, Sly! SOMMERS ...is that ALL you have? You pull up footage of Zack's purported wrongdoings, which he was doing AS A HEEL, Theodore! He wasn't pretending to be the pride of the OAOAST when those things happened! Beating down Crystal, shunting me out the door and onto my ass, attacking Leon, carving people up...Zack was certainly NOT the same guy he is today. Call it a phase, call it a dark side, call it what you will, but the fact is you are trying to use things against Zack that he himself would tell you he's not proud of! As for the gun incident, you want to use that one against him? Then you look me in the eye and tell me that if a group of maniacs like The Wildcards went after YOUR family, what would you do? Would you use your money to just buy back the bad memories of it all? Would you pay off those guys to make sure they never did it again? Or would you want nothing more than to see them on the receiving end of a scare after what they did? Wouldn't you WANT to make them pay? MONEYMAKER This isn't about me, Sly! Don't try to spin this one back on me to protect your friend from what he really is...a FRAUD. Let's consider that you're right...that maybe I didn't pick the best examples of showing Zack at his worst. Does that negate the fact that he's got an unwed mother sitting at home with a daughter he barely sees after being on the road day in and day out, wrestling matches, making appearances, and being the golden boy for this company? Does it erase the fact that he's associating with some of the lowest of the low and presenting them as role models for these people? Is he really trying to push a former porn star like Leon Rodez or a washed-up ex-junkie like YOU on the viewing audience as pillars of society? I will not, I CANNOT let that happen! Sly seems flustered by the attack on his character, but does his best to keep under control. SOMMERS Once again, Moneymaker, you're bringing to light things that the public already knows. Leon's past and my past are certainly not secrets. Now let me tell you something...if you want to use someone's past against them, look no further than Sly Sommers. But when you do it, know that I take full responsibility for my actions. I'm not proud of what I once was, but it was the respect and the faith that people like Zack Malibu had in me that restored me to what you see before you. I'm clean, I'm sober, I'm BACK in the OAOAST. I'm accepted by my peers again. I'm accepted by these fans again. You walk around here flashing hundred dollar bills, looking for the easy way out by using your resources, never wanting to fight your battles. You buy people off to do your dirty work. You couldn't even be bothered to step into the ring for an actual match at Zero Hour, you had to lure Zack into this "face off" where you're going to make him confront his past? It's a nice way of saying that you're too much of a chickenshit to face him one on one! MONEYMAKER I mock Zack, YOU come out here, and I'M the chickenshit? SOMMERS Had Zack told me not to come out here, I still wouldn't have listened...because people need to hear it from someone other than Zack about what kind of person he really is. Not someone like you, who fears him, maybe is a little jealous of him? No, they need to hear it from someone who was at his absolute worst, and turned his back on friends and family alike, yet was pulled up from that gutter by Zack Malibu. Zack Malibu helped me get my second chance, Moneymaker, and I fully intend on cashing in on it. MONEYMAKER Cashing in? Tremendous work with the pun there, Sly Sommers...but something tells me you're second chance is about to be cut short in quick fashion. Moneymaker drops his mic, and starts rolling his sleeves up, as if he's ready for a fight. Sommers, impressed with Moneymaker's willingness to finally face someone one on one, starts rolling up his sleeves...BUT THEN GETS HIT WITH A CHOP BLOCK FROM DETECTIVE BOSLEY~! COLE What the hell! Fight fair, Moneymaker! COACH Life ain't fair Mikey Cole...that's why he's got the dolla dollas to make it worth his while! Sly crumbles, clutching his knee and screaming in pain, while Moneymaker starts putting the boots to him. Bosley rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair, folding it up and sliding it into the ring. Moneymaker picks it up, and then slams the chair across the same knee that Bosley took out from under Sly! COLE What a rat bastard! Sly Sommers...his knee could be seriously damaged from this attack! Moneymaker grabs the chair and holds it longways, looking to drive the edge of it into Sly's knee...but the crowd comes to life with applause, as ZACK MALIBU hits the ring in a fury! Moneymaker and Bosley scatter as soon as The Franchise slides into the ring, and rather than chase them off, he rushes to tend to his friend. COACH Moneymaker's the coward, but he's right there and Zack's not making a go at him! COLE He's tending to his friend, Coach! Sly Sommers is hurt! Sly mouths "my knee" to Zack and it's caught on camera, as Malibu looks his ally over. Malibu waves the EMT's on, and as they start to tend to Sly, he picks up one of the fallen mics. MALIBU MONEYMAKER! Let me tell you something, you son of a bitch. You've got a problem with me and that's fine...but you want to use my friends and my family to bait me? To try to lure me out? I was going to be at Zero Hour no matter what. I'm ready to "face my past" or whatever you have planned...but if you think you're walking out of that arena Sunday night without getting your ass handed to you, whether it's in the ring, in the back, in the parking lot...you've got another thing coming! You bring your Enterprise, you bring your money...but so help me God you better keep some in your pocket for your medical bills, because you just brought hell down on yourself! Zack drops the mic, as Moneymaker and Bosley scowl from the aisleway. Zack goes and stands by Sly as he's loaded onto a stretcher, and we fade out with the visual of the In Crowd member being carried off, hopefully not seriously hurt. COLE Its not been a good night for The In Crowd. That's for sure. COACH It ain't been a good year! Yo, this stable ain't nothin but a bunch of ol mush mouth hard luck herbs! The only thing seperatin these dudes from The All American Boys is fools is still thinking they got shine. Ya'll ain't got no shine, you'll ain't gettin no bitches, ya'll ain't makin no moves. Ya'll the anti shine. Ya'll dull. Ya'll dull a nigga down. Ol suck ass suckas, I seen crippled babies gettin more paper stacks than you. These the type of dudes who get exlaxed in the lunch room and get they shittin escapades broadcast up on Youtube. Go to break, I ain't respectin these In Crowd bums. COLE Why is your grammar so, so bad? Just answer me. Please. COMING UP NEXT HEARTLAND CHAMBER OF HELL PREVIEW MATCH FAQU, BOSLEY, AND SANDMAN VS DENZEL SPENCER, FELIX STRUTTER, BROCK AUSSTIN NEXT COMMERCIAL

b3f0r3 7h3 5h0w 3v3n b364n we were taken to Cucaracha International's locker room, empty besides Todd Cortez scouring the internets to see if he's on the No Homo videogame roster. Just ask Melody, man! His search was interrupted by Megan Skye. A pissed off Megan Skye. Why was she pissed off? Does a woman need a reason to be pissed off? No! But, in this case she had one, the repeated nuisance of The Christ Air Express and Jamie O'Hara. Her anger was made much worse by O'Hara's defeat of James Blonde on HeldDOWN~! Cortez, of course, didn't really care. But, Megan reminded him that in a company this large its easy to be forgotten so he better take whatever she and Landon give him, and tonight their giving him an opportunity to make good by defeating MARV in the Syndicated mainevent. Brought to you by American Express Taped: September 18th, 2008 First air date: September 20th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Syndicated, syndicated, you're being posted two weeks in a row, you're a friend not a foe, a good guy that's in the know, someone with who I'd have cup of joe, because your like a present tied in a bow. syndicated, syndicated, you're a friend not a foe! ***The All American Boys and The Mad Cappa Vs The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew and Cuban Wall*** Three men in dire need of another victory. Or in The AAB's case just a victory period. The Wrecking Crew wisely let the hulking Wall start the contest against the experienced Cappa. A rematch of their MITB first round match, the two picked up where they left off. With Wall kicking Cappa from pillar to post. Lethal lariats and standard big man offense shut down Cappa's offense at the onset of the match. However, Wall got a little cocky and when he turned around to sneer at no one in particular Cappa took him down with a bulldog. This led to a tag with Liberty of the AAB's, and the patriot surprisingly held his own against Wall. It could have something to do with Wall being from a filthy communist country, but I'm not sure. What I do know is that Wall didn't have an answer for the various suplexs and submission efforts the muscular goodguy busted out. Incapable of handling Liberty, Wall made a tag to Rico De Janiero after stunning Liberty with an eye rack. De Janiero met the same fate as Wall, instantly being floored by a drop toe hold and taken into a side headlock. For the next several minutes , De Janiero fought a fruitless battle to get out of the headlock that Liberty held onto tenaciously, even as he was rammed into the corner posts. The only thing that got Rico his freedom was a blind tag from Freedom. The Brazilian was able to deal with the other AAB a bit easier, catching him off the top rope with power slam as he made his entry into the bout. Rico would then hit two more powerslams in a row but none of them could earn his coveted three count. Thus he tagged in the speedy Soul to finish the job, while he attended to more important matters. Like cleaning crumbs out his pornstache. Soul and Freedom felt each out...PAUSE...with elementary mat sequences before The Jive One gained enough confidences to explode with dizzying hurricianranas. Unfortunately those hurricanranas ended up dumping Freedom into his corner, where he made a much needed tag with Mad Cappa. However, Cappa fare no better than his partner being wiped out by the POUNCE the moment he hit the ring. Soul and Wall then took turns decimating Cappa with their wildly different offense as the AAB's watched on. After Wall connected with a nasty scissors kick that left Cappa seemingly out on his feet, Soul attempted a second POUNCE! But Cappa was playing possum and grabbed onto his legs for a Walls Of Cappa! Soul refused to be trapped into the deadly submission and kicked Cappa away, right into a tag from Freedom! Drawing on the power American ideals, Liberty entered the ring and traded shots with Soul. The clean cut good guy gained the upper hand with a sitout spine buster! But the sitting out left him wide open to a boot to the head from Wall! Liberty quickly jumped into action and took Wall down with a diving top rope shoulder block! The former 24/7 champion was quickly back to his feet and terrorized Freedom with clubbing forearms. But Freedom countered with a knee to the midsection followed by a devastating series of full nelson suplex titled Truth, Justice, and The American way! But Freedom didn't have any time to celebrate his astonishing feat of strength as Soul struck him with the Fro 2 Sleep! That wouldn't be enough for a victory though as Cappa stunned Soul with The Bust A Cap! The finisher that would've gotten a sure three count didn't even get to a pinfall thanks to Rico taking Cappa for a Mustache Ride! His version of the razor's edge left Cappa battered and broken, and got his time a well deserved pin. I meant team, not time. What was I doing when I wrote time? At least I didn't write vagina. Got his vagina a well deserved pin. Got his vagina a well deserved dick. Winner: The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and Cuban Wall, via pinfall A video hosted by United States champion Alfdogg and Mean Gene Okerlund of highlights from past Heartland Chamber of Hells was shown, with Alfdogg detailing his favorite moments and predicting a winner for the upcoming one at ZH. His selection; Detective Bosley! Just kidding, he picked Sandman to retain and bring further glory to the Deadly Alliance. More video packages! This one reminded us of what we saw just three days ago on HeldDOWN, a naked Krista, a near naked Mister Dick, a fully clothed Alfdogg winning the United States Title, Theodore Moneymaker sonning Zack Malibu, Jade and Melody dropping a match to Megan and Holly, and a naked Krista. On the interview stage, The Last Kings of Scotland were asked by Josh Matthews the differences betwIeen wrestling in Scotland and wrestling America. They replied that in Scotland "pro wrestling is a joke because its not just considered pussy shit, but some other culture's pussy shit!" Josh said he understood this assessment but they needn't worry about his cred "I'm in the hood like a tennis ball sold exclusively for use in the hood, most likely indigenously manufactured and distributed under the moniker Ghetto Tennis Ball 2000" The Scots used to wonder why their countrymen held such low opinions of pro wres until they got in the OAOAST, where they proceeded to be introduced to "90 of the world's biggest sissies and bitches on this planet." What stops a match in the OAOAST, starts a good old fashioned pub brawl in Scotland according to them. They said the biggest perpetrators of this "watered down crap" were The Love Doctors and they planned on dealing with them NEXT! ***The Love Doctors Vs The Last Kings Of Scotland*** I did say next didn't I? Two of LKS's three matches in the OAOAST have come against The Love Docs and both have been horrible drubbings. It seemed as if the euro's might've have been heading for a threepeat as neither could find an answer for The Doc's quick tags and hard hitting strikes. Danny Boy hit a stroke of luck, however, when he reversed a vertical suplex from Anderson into a neckbreaker. From there he and his partner attempted to work over the good doctor's neck, and almost gained a submission off a Scotish Scott neck crank. Their luck wouldn't last very long, however, as Anderson fought back until he was able to tag in Pigley. The Chicago based radio host gave the scottish brawler's fits until they combined to double team with a two man side russian leg sweep. That simplistic move bought them quite a bit of time on the attack, which they used to target Pigley's back. None of their basic strike based assaults could defeat the MD, forcing them to go to more high risk attacks. A dropkick to the back from Danny Boy, followed by a backbreaker from Scott was the high point of the bout for the two as it almost got them a three count. Almost only counts in horseshoes and I'm not sure why, because I've never played horseshoes. Danny Boy tried to further take apart Pigley's back with a grounded body block, but the crowd wouldn't see to that and rallied the doctor with OINKING! The imitations of a common farm animal gave Doctor Pigley the strength he needed to fight to his feet and beat away Danny Boy. Realizing trouble was afoot, Scott charged into the ring but was too late to stop Pigley from tagging in Doctor Anderson. He ate a springboard lariat for his error, and watched his partner get flung from the ring by a dropkick as well. He quickly got back to his feet, only to be nailed by an Anderson Spinebuster! Thankfully no more damage could be done to him by Doctor Max Anderson as Danny Boy recovered just in time to pull him out the ring. While they brawled on the outside, Pigley went up top and nailed a shooting star press! But as he hit it, Danny slammed Anderson into the corner steps, and was able to return to the ring to prevent Pigley from pinning his partner. Together he and a groggy Scott beat on Doctor Pigley, until the medicine man stunned them both with a noggin knocker! This allowed him to chuck Scott from the ring right as Anderson entered it. With the man power advantage The Docs were able to nail The Gurney To The Center of The Earth for a pinfall victory! Winner: The Love Doctors, via pinfall. After the match, The Love Doctors got on DA STICK NO HOMO and said The Last Kings of Scotland gave them the toughest challenge they've ever had in the OAOAST. High, and probably inaccurate, praise given the Docs have faced Black T, Chicks Over Dicks, The Beverly Hills Blonds and Moneymaker and Wright before. They said they wanted the honor of shaking hands with Danny Boy and Scottish Scott. We'll you can forget that! The Last Kings of Scotland just walked on out without so much as a word to The Docs. After commercial The Last Kings of Scotland were seen licking their wounds in the locker room, in no mood for conversation. This was apparently lost on OAOVW prodigy Spencer Reiger who approached them with a broad comforting smile. The effects of his warm greeting were cooled by Danny and Scott's chilly glare, but Spencer went ahead with his speech anyway. He said not only did he understand why The Last Kings of Scotland didn't shake The Love Doctor's hand, he admired it. Furthermore he related to their rant against the "wussified" OAOAST, complaining that he's been hounded and harassed by Tim Cash on his crazy goody two shoes kick. He left the Kings by telling them the OAOAST needs more people like he and them and less like The Love Doctors and Tim Cash. SWF GENESIS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!!!! FEATURING: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SWF LEGEND CHANCE SILVER BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX! SEPTEMBER 26TH BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!! LANDON MADDIX!!! ***V.I.C.E Vs Augustine Chambers and Blake Hamilton*** V.I.C.E's entrance took even longer than this match, and they don't have a very long entrance to begin with. Hamilton was expelled from this earth courtesy of a Bosley yakuza kick, only to be brought back into orbit by CPA to be crushed by the Gigaton Punch! That left Chambers to wisely head for hills, but his escape effort was halted by Bosley and his cowardice was punished by their signature battery ram. Post match Bosley and CPA enjoyed a pair of cigars over the bodies of their fallen foes. Winners: V.I.C.E, via pinfall. Backstage in the Disco Lounge, or the second stall from the left in the men's bathroom, Panic At The Disco were having the type of conversation you'd normally expect between two guys in a bathroom stall, one about being sexually molested by gay luchadores. Vinny wanted to know what Biff was thinking drawing Krista's ire like that during the HD posedown. Still spooked from his latest run in with Los Diablos, Biff started rambling about knowing nothing about a missing fifty thousand dollars, and having no clue as to whereabouts of Alberto Calzozzi. "Calzozzi can't save you now, man!" Vinny shouted. "You're just a pawn! He doesn't care about you, and you're gonna fry for a scumbag like that? Men like him watch you hang from his throne made up of hundred dollar bills! I need to know the truth." Biff explained that he was doing his best to keep himself protected against possible flu carriers, and things just spiralled down hill from there. Biff started freaking out about their HeldDOWN contest with Krista and Los Diablos, but Valentine assured him that as long as they followed Mister Dick's lead everything would be copacetic. Biff was fine with that but not fine with the fact that Alberto Calzozzi was ready to sell him up the river! This left Synth in the next stall over to wonder "Are ya'll Simple Jack retarded?" This week on HeldDOWN~! Melody Nerdly reveals the OAOAST No Homo roster! Some other stuff, I guess, but Melody Nerdly reveals the OAOAST No Homo roster! OAOAST Zero Hour! September 28th only on PPV! ***MARV W/MEL Vs Todd Cortez W/an empty heart and a yearning for true love*** Todd Cortez looked none to happy to be competing, and his lethargy cost him right from the start of the contest as MARV ran circles around him with a high flying assault. The danger posed by a springboard moonsault lariat woke Cortez up enough to dodge the hold, and as MARV came down on his feet Cortez caught him with a running neckbreaker! That move was proceeded by the two men trading strikes, a battle that The Urban Legend won by taking out MARV's knees with a basement dropkick. MARV tried to struggle to his feet after that attack, but took a dropkick to his face for his troubles. Knocked dizzy by the strike, MARV nearly succumbed to a pinfall, but managed to kickout at 2.9999999~ Getting back upright, MARV was captured with a brainbuster that also resulted in a close fall. Cortez continued to hit MARV with high impact moves that all worked to soften him up for the Riot Act Plus. Cortez tried to hit paydirt with a running powerbomb, but before he could properly execute the crippling hold MARV reversed it into a victory roll for a two count! Cortez sprung upright with a lariat aimed at MARV's head, but the Canadian ducked the attack and caught him in a backslide pin that earned another two. Back on their feet, Cortez stabbed MARV in the gut with his boot. With his foe doubled over, The Urban Legend bounced off the ropes in hopes BOOMERANG OMG RHYME of hitting a running Riot Act Plus. But MARV took him over with a sunset flip for another close two count. Back on their feet, Cortez assaulted MARV with a barrage of punches, then trapped him into a set up for a Riot Act Plus. All was not lost for the former OAOAST tag team champion, as his twin bro reached into the ring to take hold of Cortez's ankle. Enraged by this interference, Cortez turned around to berate MEL. His distraction proved costly; MARV school boyed him for a winning fall! Winner: MARV via pinfall and having his name written in capital letters SWF GENESIS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!!!! FEATURING: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SWF LEGEND CHANCE SILVER BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX! SEPTEMBER 26TH ON PPV BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!! LANDON MADDIX SAYS ZERO HOUR IS FOR PUSSIES AND ITALIANS!!!

I vow to never fall asleep while posting a show again! Don't let my sleepy headedness fool ya'll cats, this show was word as fuck! Dudes really came correct with this one, no doubt. I think probably the best show we've had post AS.

Two weeks until our zero hour pay per view! Time for ya'll herbs to get some god damn culture in your lives! This show comes from the orpheum theatre in Phoenix, AZ home to the Phoenix Metropolitan Opera. So, you wrestle on the stage and enter from...wherever ya want, only ewc and I like writing entrances so I didn't really think that out. beautiful ain't it!

I don't think un quatre neuf has a problem with using Bosley, so I'm cool with it. Tony'll correct me if there's a problem! Krista & Los Diablos Vs Mister Dick and PATD! if its okay with you, alf, to use V Squared

What's good, b, where you at?

CREDITZ EWC ALF KC DR.Z 149 ZACK PATTY O

EARLIER TONIGHT Outside in the early evening air of Pheonix, Arizona we find ourselves in the parking lot. There, Megan Skye walks alongside a distinctly glum looking Landon Maddix who drags his feet, hands deep in the pockets of his designer jeans. With Landon so glum, Megan seems pretty tired of her man's mood as well and stops him before he can skulk into the arena. MEGAN Okay, look. We go in, you hold your head high. MADDIX I swear, if Moneymaker says one wor... MEGAN Head high. Okay? Trust me, you're not the only one who Krista's embarrassed around here. Strangely, that doesn't do anything to placate Landon. Wonder why. MEGAN Not that she embarrassed you, I just mean... look, you've got nothing to be ashamed of, I keep telling you this. Nothing's going to happen. It's just a regular night. No fuss, no nothing. MADDIX No big deal. MEGAN No big deal. With those assurances, Landon takes a deep breath and summons the cocky Cucaracha smile as he enters the arena... ...to a one-man welcoming party. BLONDE LANDON! Oh man I'm so glad to see you! Blonde hugs his mentor, who's cocky attitude drains away in a split second. MADDIX No big deal, huh? BLONDE What? Oh, nevermind that, welcome back! How are you? How are you feeling? You feeling good? You're looking good, that's a nice shirt, take it from somebody who knows. MADDIX I've felt better. Look, can we carry this little reunion on somewhere else. In our dressing room maybe? BLONDE Why? Look, if you're worried about what people are going to say about AngleSlam, forget it. You don't need to listen to anyone. You're still the only man to win both the OAOAST and SWF World Championships, no matter who beats you! Even if you never win another match again in your life you'll always have that! And Krista'll never be able to say that. I mean, I know you're booking her for Genesis and all so if you keep booking her there's a chance she'll end up winning your title... but, she's not a man, so my point stands. She's just a woman. MADDIX Just a woman, huh? Well, that's a relief. BLONDE Well you know what I mean. She's nothing compared to La Cucaracha. You're a true success story in professional wrestling. You don't need the fame and fortune she's got! MADDIX Look, I'll level with you J, you keep digging at this hole you're creating much more and you'll end up in China. Quit while you're behind, okay? I got beat by a girl and lost out on money, on a World Title shot, on a better future for my company. Everything. I get it. I'm embarrassed. Right now, I just want to keep my head down and get on with things. But Krista'll be dealt with in time. BLONDE Gee, are you sure that's a good idea? She kinda beats everybody she wrestles, you know. Landon scowls at his annoying understudy. MADDIX Really? I hadn't noticed. BLONDE Well, she does, you only have to loo... MEGAN (desperately interrupting) What Landon means, James, is that there's ways of dealing with her and gaining some measure of revenge. Besides facing her one on one again. Like, for example, me being on opposite sides of a match with her daughter tonight. We send a message to Krista through her. No risk of anyone losing to Krista at all that way. Landon now scowls at Megan, incredulously. BLONDE Listen, I've got just the thing to cheer you up. I've got a match tonight with that English Eminem, Jamie O'Hara and I'm going to dedicate my victory tonight to you. To you! We're going to get Cucaracha Internacional back on track, starting tonight! MADDIX Where've I heard that before? MEGAN That's a nice gesture James, just ignore him. Continuing to grumble under his breath, Landon heads off with his head down and Megan in tow. Leaving JB in limbo, The Trendsetter giving Landon a thumbs up as he exits which goes unacknowledged. NOT INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES I SAW U PLAYIN POKEMON JOSH, U CAN GET GOT SON! PRESENTED IN HD Millions upon millions upon millions of viewers gather around the television set for HeldDOWN, as Ultimate Victory welcomes to the zaniest, funniest, and most offensive two hours on television! From the logo we scan through the Orpheum Theatre, usually home to classic opera or avant garde theatre, now its home to classically avant garde wrestling, though there's very little to indicate that besides a wrestling ring on the stage and a HeldDOWN~! banner draped across the balcony. At the side of the ring, as always in sofa central, is Double C. COACH Is this the real life- Is this just fantasy- Caught in a landslide- No escape from reality- Open your eyes Look up to the skies and see- Im just a poor boy,i need no sympathy- Because Im easy come,easy go, A little high,little low, Anyway the wind blows,doesnt really matter to me, To me COLE What are you doing? COACH We're in a theatre that hosts oprea so I'm operating. The verb form of opera. Operating. Doesn't your dumb ass read books? Doesn't your dumb ass watch PBS? I don't take too kindly to niggas that don't watch member supported public television. COLE I don't have time to be guilt tripped by you, that's why I have a mother who I've never given any grandchildren to. Folks we have one heck of a show tonight, with the women's champion Jade Rodez-Duncan in tag team action with Melody, Jade's mother in a posedown with Mister Dick, Baron Windells competing against Ned Blanchard, and in the mainevent Alfdogg facing Colombian Heat for the United States title... COACH The who and the what now? COLE The United States title. COACH I ain't familiar with that, son. Is that the nigga in the kilt? COLE No that's Scotish Scott or Danny Boy COACH Is it that little pale dude with the funny voice? COLE No, that's Jamie O'Hara. The United States Title is a belt. A belt! It is not a person. It is worn by a person. COACH Man, quit making shit up. If you spent more time making money and less time making crazy shit up, you'd be a rich ass dude. "Getting Away With Murder" hits for the first time in a few weeks on HeldDOWN~!, and the unexpected sound of Papa Roach's anthem brings the fans to their feet, for they know what it means! COLE Here he comes! The OAOAST's favorite son returns here tonight on HeldDOWN~!, and it's great to see Zack back! Amidst the cheers, ZACK MALIBU heads out from the back, all dressed up with some place to go...namely down to the ring! The leader of The In Crowd heads to the squared circle, slapping some hands along the way, as the ratings are surely rising for the appearance of the former World Champion. After obtaining the mic, Malibu steps up into the ring and poses briefly for his fans, then starts to say what's on his mind. MALIBU I know that most of you are wondering where I've been since Angleslam. I know that The Enterprise would like to spin things in their favor and think that they've broken me down and run me off, but as you can see by me standing here in this ring that is far from the case. The reason for my absence from OAOAST television was simply due to a family situation. As you all know, I've got a beautiful baby daughter at home who fell victim to illness last week, and I rushed out on the first flight I could find to be by her side. While it was nothing serious, even the slightest hint of sickness will take its toll on a young child, as any parent here in the crowd can attest to. I might be new at this dad thing and might worry a little too much sometimes, but my family takes precident over my wrestling, and I'm sure everyone can agree with me on that. The crowd applauds Zack's noble gesture, and he nods in thanks before getting back to business. MALIBU NOW, since I am back here on HeldDOWN~!, let's talk about a few things, shall we? Let's talk about Angleslam, and The Enterprise, and the fact that I, for one, am growing SICK AND TIRED of Theodore Moneymaker pulling strings, swaying things in his favor, and claiming that I'm the biggest fraud this company has ever seen! Well, Moneymaker, congratulations. You've succeeded in drawing my ire, because I'm going to make you eat those words. You've got yourself surrounded by your little empire, your Enterprise...people who are quick to do your bidding for a quick buck, no matter the cost or consequence. Meanwhile, I stand in this ring as your polar opposite, the leader of a group of individuals more talented and more dedicated than maybe anyone I've come across, past or present. You come out here and bring up the past, incidents that I may not necessarily be proud of, but they happened. I can't take them back, but I will damn sure not let you use them to manipulate your way through this company. The blood and sweat that this company was built on is thicker and means more to everyone in that locker room than any currency you can flash around, so instead of peeling off $100 bills and bribing your way through life, take a page out of my book. Be a MAN, Theodore, and face your challenge head on. Be a man, be the elitist you pride yourself on being, and stand face to face, nose to nose, with ME! Don't just tell me what you think...SHOW ME. Show me here, in this ring! The crowd roars, as Malibu's grandstand challenge has been thrown out. Surely enough, it's only moments before a response is heard, by a voice booming over a microphone even before the person speaking has stepped through the curtain. "Zack, Zack, Zack..." Stepping out onto the ramp is THEODORE MONEYMAKER, the object of Zack's ire, but he's certainly not dressed for a fight in that dapper ensemble. MONEYMAKER Look at you, Zachary. So full of piss and vinegar, so eager to be the conquering hero once again. Well, sadly, not tonight. You, for once, are not on my agenda. The crowd boos loudly at the cowardice, although Moneymaker would have you believe it's for another reason. MONEYMAKER Now I've listened to you tonight, Zack, and you do make some sense. I think it is about time that I showed you what I think of you. Unfortunately for you, it's not just what I think of you, Zack. Do you think I'm acting on my own opinions when I talk about your checkered past? Do you think I do it just to goad you into a fight, to lure you into a trap? Zack Malibu, when you look in the mirror every day, you are staring at your own worst enemy! The hell that has been brought down on you numerous times is of no one's fault but YOUR OWN! You are so desperate to save face, Zack...so desperate to remain accepted by these peons that you will have them eat out of the palm of your hand when the truth is the only person you care about is YOURSELF! You lose at one of our major PPV's and vanish into thin air, because of a family emergency? Then you come back and proudly proclaim how you've been home being Father Of The Year? Come clean Zack...your family is just as much of a lie as your heroism is! Zack's face drops, as Moneymaker is crossing the line. MONEYMAKER Struck a nerve, have I? Let's think about this one...the OAOAST's Franchise, the living, breathing superhero. A role model to people all over this world...had a child out of wedlock and not ONCE has even hinted that his girlfriend, the mother of his child, might just be the woman he wants to spend his life with. This same man travels the world, bloodies people, verbally abuses people including WOMEN, hangs out with a former junkie and a former porn star, and yet is supposed to be revered?!?! Personally, to me, that is UNACCEPTABLE! You do not DESERVE to be applauded, Zachary. You do not deserve the cheers of these people. I myself do not give a DAMN what they think about me, but you are simply the Pied Piper, leading all of these blind mice along with your charade. So now, Zack, that being said...I'm going to grant you what you've asked. I am going to step into an OAOAST ring, and I'm going to tell you...nay Zack, I'm going to show you the error of your ways. I'm challenging you to show up at Zero Hour, Zack, and step into that ring... MALIBU You're on! You don't even have to finish that sentence, Moneymaker, because at Zero Hour, I will be more than happy to kick your ass across this ring! The crowd roars at Malibu's proud proclamation, but Moneymaker simply chuckles. MONEYMAKER There you go, getting ahead of yourself again, Zack. See, at Zero Hour, we will be in that ring staring each other down...but we aren't having a match. The crowd boos, and now Malibu claims, off mic, that Moneymaker is a coward. MONEYMAKER I'll be there, Zack, but not to wrestle. I'll be standing in that ring watching you turn pale, watching as your eyes lower, because at Zero Hour, I'm challenging you to face the one thing that you fear more than anything. The one thing that you don't want anyone to remember...not these fans, not your so called family at home, not your friends in the locker room. At Zero Hour, Zack Malibu, I am challenging you to come face to face with YOUR PAST. Moneymaker, looking more stern and determined at this point, stares at Malibu, who looks more confused than ever. Moneymaker then cackles and walks off, leaving a bewildered Zack Malibu alone in the ring. COLE Zack Malibu returned with a vengeance here tonight, but Theodore Moneymaker has threatened to have Zack face his past at Zero Hour. What do you think that means, Coach? COACH Well, short of Moneymaker showing up with a DeLorean for Zack to go back in time, I don't know! COLE We know THAT'S not happening. COACH Do you even realize how much money that guy has? He probably drives one now just for fun! COLE You really believe that, don't you? COACH I do because I've ridden in it, and had tea and scones with the late Winston Chruchill. COLE No you haven't. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT UNITED STATES TITLE ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT TONIGHT COMMERCIAL