Patty O'Green

Back from the commercial Magnum Opus hits, as the lights go out and the crowd begins to boo. The lights come back on after a brief period, and Alfdogg walks through the curtains. COLE And here comes Alfdogg, looking to take advantage of an injured Colombian Heat, and take his United States title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger, weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf steps into the ring, and does his pose, as the pyro goes off behind him. COLE And once again, we all saw earlier what the Deadly Alliance did to United States champion last week, and only time will tell just what kind of condition he's in! Alf looks off into the aisle, as Gasolina hits, and Colombian Heat gingerly walks through the curtains, never taking his eyes off Alf as his pyro goes off behind him. BUFFER His opponent...from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 180 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST United States champion...COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOMBIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NNNNNN HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAT!!!!! Heat slowly removes his shirts and slams them to the floor halfway through the aisle, and fans gasp upon seeing his back, heavily scarred and ready to bleed again upon impact. COLE Oh wow, look at that. COACH I got a feeling this is gonna get real ugly, real quick, Cole. Heat rolls into the ring, and Alf pounces immediately. *DING DING DING* Alf stomps away on Heat, then picks him up and drags him into a corner. Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then whips Heat hard across the ring, as Heat yells out in pain upon hitting the buckles, dropping to one knee, then popping up long enough for Alf to knock him right off his feet with another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And already, Heat even struggling to force a shoulder up off the canvas! Alf picks up Heat, and delivers a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE And look at Heat, he's not going to go down without a fight! He wants to prove Alf wrong! He wants to prove that he is a worthy titleholder! Alf whips Heat into another corner, then stops to taunt the crowd. He charges...but Heat slips out of the way! COLE And look at this! Heat actually forming a comeback here! Heat shoves Alf back into the corner, and peppers him with chops and punches! As Alf staggers out of the corner, Heat slowly climbs to the second rope behind him, then catches him with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat then backs Alf into the ropes, and delivers the SHAKY LEGS KNEEDROP~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat then picks up Alf, and sets up an Irish whip. Alf reverses, however, then drops down, and catches Heat coming back with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COACH Oh, that's got to be it! Alf then gets to his feet, holding onto Heat's legs, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Sharpshooter applied, and Heat is making no progress towards those ropes! Heat screams in pain, but continues to shake his head no. COLE Imagine the pain that must be going through Heat right now, but he will not give up! Heat's head and hands slowly start to slump to the mat, and he becomes glassy-eyed, then unresponsive. The referee asks him one last time, and no response. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...and the third lift... ...THE ARM DROPS! COLE ...and that's it, we have a new U.S. champion. *DING DING DING* COACH Oh come on, get excited, Cole, we just saw a major title change hands right here on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! BUFFER The winner of the match, by way of submission...and NEWWWWWWWW OAOAST United States champion...AAAAAAAAAAAAaLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COLE Well folks, in the record books it will say submission, but let us make clear that Colombian Heat did NOT in fact give up in this match! Alf raises his hand, while still keeping the hold. COLE And look at this, come on, ref, get him off! After the referee counts, Alf finally releases the hold, and takes the belt from the referee, raising it in the air. COLE Yeah, Alf should be really proud of himself, beating a badly injured man for his title! COACH And you know what this means, Cole, all of the Deadly Alliance members bear gold now! Sandman the Heartland champion, the tag champs Thunderkid and Reject, and now Alf, the new U.S. champion! COLE And Alf could be in possession of two belts after Zero Hour, when he challenges Tha Puerto Rican for the OAOAST World championship! As referees help Heat to the back, the remaining Deadly Alliance members join Alf in the ring, stand side-by-side, and all raise their belts with their right hands. COLE Are we looking at the premier organization in the business today? The results don't lie, look at all the gold held by the Deadly Alliance, it's a tough argument! These guys are on fire! Right now, let's go to Josie Baker, with a very big announcement! Cut backstage to Josie's office. JOSIE Thank you, Michael. Yes indeed, the Deadly Alliance has much reason to celebrate right now, and congratulations to Alfdogg for adding yet another championship to his resume. *crowd boos* JOSIE However, I am here because I have another very big announcement which is of importance to the Deadly Alliance. You see, Alfdogg is challenging for the World heavyweight title, and Sandman9000 will be defending his Heartland title. So, where does that leave the World tag team champions? *crowd cheers* JOSIE Well, I had a meeting with the two of them this morning, and they agreed that they would defend the World tag team titles, at Zero Hour, against Team Heyross! *crowd cheers* COLE All right! JOSIE However, there were conditions added. Thunderkid has used his favor on this match, to add a stipulation. And that stipulation says that if Team Heyross fails to take the tag team titles from Thunderkid and Reject, they will not receive another shot at the belts as long as Thunderkid and Reject remain the champions. *crowd boos* JOSIE I then added another condition on top of this, which states that if Thunderkid and Reject are disqualified or counted out in this match, then Team Heyross will be the new tag team champions! *crowd cheers* JOSIE So there you have it, another big title match announced for Zero Hour. Thank you, Michael, and good night, OAOAST. FADE OUT!

We briefly return to sofa central where Coach and Cole are still cooling off from the posedown, from entirely different things of course... COLE Right now, let's take you backstage where our newest broadcast colleague Melissa Nerdly is standing by with Leon Rodez. COACH Is that wise? COLE Shut up. Take it Melissa. Not his usual jovial self, Leon Rodez stands with hands on hips against the HeldDOWN~! interview backdrop. Much chirpier is Melissa who wears a big TV smile on her face. MELISSA Hey everybody, Melissa Nerdly still filling in for my sis and here with her knight in gleaming armour, Mister Leon Rodez. Leon, first off, how is Mags doing? LEON Well I think it's pretty obvious from the fact you're still filling in that she's not doing so well Melissa. Obviously you know that. But for the benefit of the people, Maggie's still feeling the effects of what happened. Physical and mental. We all are. See, Maggie might be a former Women's Champion and she might have some small idea of the rigours of the ring. But taking a neckbreaker from a 240, 250 pound guy is a completely different matter. Let alone being damn near bent in half the way spines aren't meant to bend. So, right now, she's in a bad way physically. Mentally? Who even knows, Melissa? She got attacked doing her job, surrounded by the rest of the Deadly Alliance. Had to watch people get beaten down trying to save her in the process. I don't know what state of mind she's in right now, except that she's scared. She's scared like every other female in the company is. MELISSA It is kinda scary, I know. I mean, Reject hasn't just attacked my poor sister. LEON Right now, Reject's a loose cannon. He's unpredictable and that's what worries me. See this whole situation between me and your sister has gone too far when innocent people are being hurt by extension. People like Megan Skye. Like one of your other sisters, Molly. Getting caught up in all this. Colatteral damage. All of which rests on what happened between me and Maggie. MELISSA And Melody. Leon glances at Melissa a little angrily, only to realise she's right. LEON Because of all that happened, Reject's suddenly lost it, going around attacking innocent people. Seems like there's a lot of that going on around here recently. Well, sooner or later it has to stop. And I guess it's got to be down to me to stop it. If all these attacks are on my head, I'd rather risk my neck than someone else's. Whether it's my niece's, my friend's, my girlfriend's, you, anyone. So Reject, trust me, the buck stops with me. There's no law around the OAOAST anymore. So I'm going to have to take it into my own hands to deal with you. I'm going to have to make a stand against people like The Deadly Alliance, The Enterprise, all the In Crowd are going to have to, before this company implodes into complete anarchy. And Reject, it starts with you. And with that, Leon heads off. MELISSA The lovely Leon, not in such a lovely mood. Stay tuned our feature mainevent is coming up after this commercial break. COMING UP NEXT UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT NEXT COMMERCIAL

Back from break the camera cuts to a close-up of a hideously scarred back. The camera pulls back to reveal that the back belongs to Colombian Heat. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his orange T-shirt, a serious expression on his face. The OAOAST United States Championship belt sits on a tan sofa behind Heat. Heat goes to put on his yellow basketball jersey, when Tha Puerto Rican walks into the room. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a white dress shirt, black tie, black sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt, and black dress shoes. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN Heat, you sure you wanna do this? You can back out right now, if you want to. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, P, bro, don't worry. I gots dis. You understand? I ain't neva gonna back down cuz of somethin' some punk bitch did to me! THA PUERTO RICAN You're not exactly 100%, man. The Deadly Alliance really did a number on you last Thursday. HEAT Chill, B. I've been in worse situations. The scars will heal. And besides, chicks dig scars, you know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'? HA! HA! THA PUERTO RICAN I'm just checking on ya. Alfdogg is looking to send a message tonight to me two weeks before Zero Hour. HEAT P.R., the only one dat is gonna be sendin' a message tonight is me! Think of it as me representin' you in the ring tonight. What I do to Alfdogg, I KNOW dat you're going to do 10 times worse to him at Zero Hour! Jigga thinks he can get away with scarring mah back! HA! Fool got another thing comin' if he thinks he can just do dat and walk away scot free! I am fixing to give him an All-American ASS WHOOPING! I WILL LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON HIS CANDY ASS TONIGHT! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his yellow basketball jersey over his orange T-shirt. The OAOAST United States Champion looks at his best friend and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, who has a worried look on his face. Heat adjusts the yellow basketball jersey and then takes a deep breath. HEAT A'ight. I'm ready. THA PUERTO RICAN Hey. Be careful. I'll be watching the match. If you need any help, holla. HEAT Thanks, P.R., but I's dat think I can take care of dis on mah own. But yeah, I know you've got mah back always. THA PUERTO RICAN Damn right. Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican both throw up the "Killa B's", and then bump "Killa B's" together. HEAT Now if you excuse me, I got a Title to defend. After wot Alfdogg and his crew did to me, I am READY to dish out an ASS-WHOOPING TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE! BADD BOYZ STYLE! YESSIR! And then you will go ahead and finish off Alfie in two weeks at Zero Hour like I KNOW you will! A'ight, I gotta go. I'll be back in a few minutes, STILL having the OAOAST United States Championship belt around mah waist! A'ight, later. THA PUERTO RICAN See you later, Heat. The Badd Boyz high five each other. Colombian Heat dusts his right shoulder off and then says, "He ain't nothin' but dirt off mah shoulder!" PRL chuckles. Heat grins and nods his head. Colombian Heat grabs the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his right hand. He opens the door to the lockerroom, waves goodbye to Tha Puerto Rican, throws up a "Killa B" which PRL responds to in kind, and then nods his head again. Colombian Heat exits the lockerroom, closing the door behind him. THA PUERTO RICAN I'm so nervous for him! Tha Puerto Rican covers his face with his right hand and lets out a sigh. Tha Puerto Rican has a worried look on his face as the segment ends.

“Sympathy for the Devil” hits and Theodore Moneymaker is carried in on a THRONE by random musclemen under the supervision of V.I.C.E. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Executive Officer of the Enterprise… THEODORE MMMMMMONEYYYYYYYYYYYYMAKERRRRRR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Seated ringside on his throne, Moneymaker lights up his smoking pipe with a $100 bill and laughs. COLE Last week it was a robe and diamond ring. This week it’s a chair fitting of a king. What’s next, a golden statue of himself? COACH We cannot honor our messiah enough, Mikey. He saved an entire company and therefore our jobs by his efforts and those of his legions of supporters. COLE If you weren’t already brown I’d say you had a spot on your nose! “Superstar” by Lupe Fiasco replaces Theodore’s music and the Beverly Hills Blonds walk the red carpet filmed by their #1 fan Molly Nerdly. The trio is taken by surprise when they’re not allowed up the ring steps by V.I.C.E. COACH What’s going on here? A glance at Moneymaker reveals the reason. Pipe in mouth and head turned, the Billion Dollar Heir casually points to his $ shaped diamond ring. SIMON/NED/MOLLY Caught off-guard and somewhat embarrassed, the BHB and Molly kiss the ring. MONEYMAKER COLE (disgusted) Oh, how degrading. COACH We all must kiss the ring, Cole. Nobody’s superior to Theodore Moneymaker. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Wrestling fans, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing… Buffer has the microphone ripped out of his hands by Simon. SIMON We’ll handle things from here, sport. Go have a seat and enjoy the show Ned Blanchard’s about to put on for your entertainment. NED You damn right, son. In just a few moments we’re gonna learn whether a generic brand like Baron Windels matches up to a brand name like Ned Blanchard. After last week I got a receipt with your name on it, Windels. Tonight I’m gonna return the ass kicking! “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy cues and Baron Windels emerges to an ENORMOUS pop. Well, not really (not everybody can get the 1980s Hogan pop), but it’s a respectable one nonetheless! BUFFER His opponent, hailing from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds... “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron flings his shirt at the BHB and they hightail out of the squared circle. It’s not until the crowd’s died down a little that Ned returns inside. COACH How smart is Ned, Cole? Very subtle thing he did there, letting the crowd wear itself out. COLE Ned Blanchard a seasoned pro. He knows what he’s doing, no question. * DINGDINGDING * Both men lockup as the bell sounds and Baron Windels gets snapped over in an arm drag. So proud of himself is Ned, he takes a bow to a chorus of boos. Ned doesn’t let the haters bother him and locks back up with Baron, throwing a kick to the gut…but Windels blocks the cheap shot and scores with an ATOMIC DROP. Blanchard’s momentum springs him off the ropes and into a BIG BOOT, knocking the Handsome Hustler out through the ropes! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Simon rushes to his partner’s aid and helps him up. Ned in no mood to be filmed after what transpired, shielding his face from the camera. Then it’s back to business with a SLAP to Baron’s face. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Blanchard’s the only person in the house who doesn’t realize what a bad move that was. He learns the hard way though, dropped to the seat of his pants with a single punch! COACH That ought to be a disqualification. Baron just punched Ned with a closed fist right in front of the damn referee. Whatever argument Coach has is lost when Ned responds in kind. A slugfest ensues and Ned Blanchard receives the worst of it. He grabs a headlock out of desperation and is shoved off into the ropes, the victim of a dropkick on the rebound. Blanchard begs off in the corner, luring Baron into a false sense of security that allows him to land a back elbow to the temple! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Planted mid-ring courtesy of a back suplex, Baron manages to avoid a knee drop and hook Ned for the FIGURE-4. Luckily for Ned, Simon hops on the apron…and eats a roundhouse! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Awaiting Baron when he turns back around is Ned Blanchard and a back elbow that sends the Lone Star Gunslinger tumbling over the top! COLE The referee needs to keep a close eye on Simon here. COACH Like he’d do anything to break the rules. Simon does as Ned distracts the ref, whipping Baron into the guardrail and seeking Theodore Moneymaker’s approval after. A simple nod from the OAOAST Messiah bringing a smile to his face. Meanwhile, Baron pulls himself on the apron and Ned suplexes him inside. POINTY~! ELBOW off the ropes…but nobody’s home! Baron shakes the cobwebs and wrings Ned’s arm. The Handsome Hustler goes to the eyes to break free, then fires BW across. Windels ducks a clotheslines and levels Blanchard on the rebound with his patent RUNNING BUTT BUMP! COLE Bite My Shiny Metal Ass! The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Blanchard is set on the top for the SUPERPLEX, but Simon grabs Baron’s leg as he lifts Ned in the air and the Handsome Hustler falls on top! COLE Simon’s got the leg! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! BARON * DINGDINGDINGDING * "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Another incredible win for the Beverly Hills Blonds! Err, I mean Ned! COLE No, you had it right the first time. Simon and Ned have stolen another one. Theodore Moneymaker leaves his throne and is welcomed inside by Simon and Ned. But that’s as much communication they have with the man who signs their checks as Theodore heads straight for the referee. COACH What do we have here? After some words the ref WAVES OFF THE PIN and RESTARTS the match. "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SIMON/NED COLE You’ve got to be kidding me!? The BHB look to Teddy for answers but he’s none to eager to provide them. Backs turned, BW BULLDOGS the BHB and covers Ned! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! MOLLY * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hands on hips, Moneymaker shakes his head in disappointment while the BHB are still seeing stars following the bulldog. Baron Windels, meanwhile, celebrates his win by going around ringside slapping hands until he bumps into V.I.C.E. COACH Uh-oh. There’s no love lost here, Mikey Cole. Fist clinched, BW stands tall. Noticeably impressed with how Baron handled the situation, Theodore orders CPA and Detective Bosley to let him pass. The Gunslinger cautious as he goes by. COLE I don’t know what to make of this, fans. So let’s go to break or somewhere. COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... ENTER $45.99 TO WATCH SEPTEMBER 29TH CLEVELAND, OHIO We're taken back to the stage floor, where a beautiful cursive HeldDOWN PoseDOWN is written in pink lettering on the rear curtain. Inside the ring are several romantic candles and roses along with a bed adorned with soft silk sheets. Also present is our MC, Melissa Nerdly. MELISSA Hello OAOAST! I hope everyone has enjoyed themselves tonight, and if you haven't, well, what's wrong with you, this show has been amazing! We've had action, we've had brawls, we've had stars, and now we've gonna have some sizzle! That's right, its time for the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience begins chanting for the OAOAST's favorite lady. Though I prefer Molly Nerdly! MELISSA If you think you're excited, I was all set to cover a marriage between Canada's oldest cow and its smartest blind one legged Moose before the OAOAST offered me this position. Let's get this hot party going! Get your camera's ready, get ready to scream, and get ready to pick your jaws up off the floor! We're bringing out our smoking hot contestants for a three round posedown that also has the money in the bank contract and cash prize on the line! My dick locked in a cage, right Your dick suffer from stage fright My dick: so hot its stolen Your shit look like Gary Coleman My dick pink and big Your dick stinks like shit My dick got a Caesar do Your dick needs a tweezer dude Phoenix has both terrible taste in wrestlers and excellent lyrics, as they boo the arrival of Mister Dick. The hateful audience is covered in yellow and red spotlights as golden pyro fountain up to ceiling from the proscenium arches on the rear of the balcony as well as on the stone archway overlooking the stage from its side. Sans Malaysia, Mister Dick saunters om to stage in a yellow robe and black cowboy hot. He twirls beneath the yellow penis shaped spotlight that trails him before sliding into the ring. MELISSA Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm Phoenix sized welcome to a former OAOAST world tag team champion, THE HUMAN HARD ON, SAN ANTONIO'S OWN, MISTER DICK! “BOOOOOO!” scream the fans as Mister Dick stands with one foot on the first rope, the other on the second and throws his index finger high into the air. COLE Krista might not be in the greatest of mood with Jade having lost to Megan Skye and Holly Mann earlier tonight. That does not bode will for Mister Dick's self esteem. Fortunately, Mister Dick has a lot of self esteem to spare. CUE: KRISTA'S UNAMED ENTRANCE MUSIC BECAUSE I HATE ELECTRIC FEEL NOW! Huge cheers and applause welcome Krista Isadora Duncan onto stage, as these roaring fans imagine what type of scintillating outfit she has beneath her white robe. Leaving nothing to the imagination is Alix's skimpy news girl outfit from earlier, and she and her lack of clothing happily skip to sofa central. MELISSA And his opponent! She is the queen of Los Angeles, the queen of fitness, the queen of motherhood, the queen of the walk of fame, the queen of VH1 reality, and the queen of the entertainment industry, she is MISS CALIFORNIA AND MISS MONEY IN THE BANK KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! “GFQWFQWIYAHAAAH!” that is my interpretation of the noise the fans make when they cheer really loud! ALIX EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! COACH Mami, you lookin good, but word of advice, you can't just say extra a whole lot of times, you gotta have some news to follow up! ALIX EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTA BETTER PROPOSE TO ME SOON! COLE This HeldDOWN PoseDOWN came about because Mister Dick became jealous that Krista Isadora Duncan has gotten so many accolades for her looks from not only the OAOAST but the mainstream media as well. He says he's the sexiest man on earth, and he's going to prove it, and he also put in a caveat that if he wins he gets Krista's money in the bank title shot and money! ALIX Yeah, yeah, that's your version of story, but like, lemme give you mine and stuff. Mine doesn't have anyone named Krista, because we're on our honeymoon, or Mister Dick because he's dead, but its got a dude named Ninjitsu Jones. Does Ninjitsu Jones got bitches? Damn right he got bitches! Does Ninjitsu Jones got Bentley Couples? Damn right he got Bentley coupes! Does Ninjitsu Jones get money and pussy at the same time? Damn right Ninjitsu Jones get money and pussy at the same time! MELISSA There's a lot of hotness out here, and there's about to be a whole lot of skin, but there's also a bit of mystery thanks to you Mister Dick. You have handpicked the judges for this three round event yourself and you haven't told anyone who they are. But, let's meet them right now! "IT'S RAININ' MEN! Hallejulah IT'S RAININ' MEN! Amen" COLE This can't be! The usual decent cheer that greets Los Diablos arrival is now substituted by a murmur of amazement and frustration from an audience that knows all to well what this means. Krista, is noticebally less concerned and only informs Mister Dick he still has zero chance of winning. The funky pink clad luchadores take their seat behind a judges table, and wave giddily at Mister Dick who waves back with loads of enthusiasm. COACH HHHAHA. You that dude Mister Dick! You that dude Mister Dick! You outsmarted Krista! Ain't nobody ever done that, but you done did it. There ain't no way you gonna lose now. You the man, Mister Dick. I love a chick, but I love a dick. No homo. COLE Alix, I smell a rat. ALIX Uh-oh Mister Peepers, I said if anyone smelled you, you have to go back home! Sorry little guy! Alix pulls a RAT out of her shirt and sets it on the ground for it to go free. Or bite Vinny Valentine. Probably bite Vinny Valentine. ALIX Awww, now who's going to suck on my nipples? COLE Coach, keep quiet. MELISSA Mister Dick, I suppose you might make me regret saying this, but why don't you go first. MISTER DICK I was gonna go first no matter what you done said, donkey titties! I call this pose somebody set them donkey ditties on fire! No, I'm kidding, I call this pose the Rembrandt. After the legendary bastion of the beautiful brushstroke, Rembrandt. Observe! KRISTA Honey, refresh my memory cells, what did Rembrandt paint? MISTER DICK Well...now...I ain't too familiar with the praticulars or nothing, but I do believe there were some dogs playin some type of card game, perhaps Go Fish or Old Maid. KRISTA Uh-huh. Let the jury of your peers note that you also named your pose after guy who of died of anal hemorrhaging? Okay. MISTER DICK I got my fancy book learnin and almost got my Associates Degree in air condition and theromast stat maintenace and I know Rembrandt ain't died of no anal hoo-ha, devil woman. KRISTA Honey, syphoning gas with your mouth from your dad's tractor does not count as book learning, unless you're from Alaska. In which case all you need is a vagina, a pregnant teenage daughter and a few favorite verses from the bible, and hey, you're the vice president! Dickie-Doo, ol Krista's got her book learnin and her two master degrees, and she say that he did die. In a charity bikini carwash with Leonardo Da Vinci to benefit Pope Augustine's defense fund after he killed a Gypsy hooker. MISTER DICK Well, I was not aware of that at the time of naming selection. I wanna make a change. KRISTA Too late. MISTER DICK Who the hell are you? KRISTA I'm someone who has more money and is more famous than you. Therefore I am more likely to be let off for a crime you could serve 10-15 years for, more likely to get out a speeding ticket that would bankrupt you, more likely to be linked to a sex tape with Anne Heche, and more likely to be right in besmirching classic historical and religious figures. MELISSIA Mister Dick, we can debate neo-classical history on the next show, could you just perform your pose please? Mister Dicks offers a nod of assent, as his face tightens in an annoyance that's furthered by the groaning of the theater crowd. As Pussycat Doll's Buttons is cued up the lights lower to a romantic, sensuous and tempting shade of red and blue. The mural of the sky changes from a blue to a picturesque fantasy like sunset. The Human Hard On's annoyance slowly evaporates as he becomes seduced by the mood, and a thrill of anticipation courses through his slim body. ALIX Oh no! This is the part where I distract the referee! COLE Alix, this isn't a match, there's no referee to distract. ALIX Thank god, 'cause without a rodent carrying several flesh eating bacteria I thought I was gonna have to adlib or something. Do you think rats can write wedding vows? I wonder if they oppose gay marriages? What jerks rats are! I never knew! Mister Dick rips off his golden robe to showcase a golden body where a lean swimmer's chest pushes out a tanktop, solid muscles and veins snake from his broad shoulders to his wrist, and an all muscle lower body shines in white briefs and white chaps with gaudy sparking tassels of every color in the rainbow. The Cocky Prick struts towards the edge of the ring, closest to appreciating eyes of Mariachi and Moracca. The luchadores devour the image of his bulging member straining with all its manly might to bust out his underwear. Their faces blaze with electricity singularly locked onto his meat packed trunks as they straddle the middle ropes. MD grinds himself into the cables, with grunting that sings to Los Diablos in primal animal lust. Spent from his erotic showcase, he falls backwards on the ropes, and eyes down the Mexicans as if to beg that them to pleasure him as a fill in for the ropes. Their cries of an enthused yes etch a smile onto his face, as he dismounts the rope. His dastardly smile burns a hole into Krista while Los Diablos lusting eyes burn a hole into muscled behind. Melissa does her best to not look totally repulsed, but its hard not to completely abhor The Cocky Prick. MELISSA Mister Dick, everyone, with the pose not titled Rembrandt! The boos are plentiful, echoing loudly of the fine theater aucostics. MD couldn't find it within him to care less, he's delighted at sending Los Diablos to seventh heaven. COACH That body is an institution of Americana! They should make a movie out of it. COLE Sell it to Universal they'll buy anything. ALIX Uh-uh! Remember that movie I made? There were like these pirates and stuff and they had like a ship full of monkeys who they were gonna sell into slavery, but then the monkeys like revolted and stuff and killed the pirates and they sailed around the world solving mysteries and stuff, and sometimes the monkeys would find like time portals and go into our time and they'd be all confused and stuff, because they're like ancient monkeys and their monkeys and how do they know how to work computers and mircowaves? And at the end of movie you'd see a Monkey in the jungle typing, like he wrote the story, and he just finished it, and he was all proud and then a lion would eat him and then crap him out on his story! But, they didn't buy it. MC, you were in it, remember? COLE I played Mister Mortimer, the Chimp with a stern, harsh tongue but a heart as soft as butter. It was the worst experience of my life. My family wouldn't even talk to me after they saw it. I didn't want to act anymore. I just wanted to die. I wanted to go outside and have something fall on me and kill me instantly. If not then at least hit me hard enough to erase all memories of “ARGH ME MONKEYS” a film by Alix Maria Spezia. I am consumed daily by the hatred I feel for you for having ever conceived such a terrible film. MELISSIA Next up is everyone's favorite...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! “YEAAAAA!” sing the audience, their cheer met with a sharp scowl from Mister Dick. KRISTA Thank you, my darlings, may you blessed by being transported to another country where half the voting public isn't a gun toting, Nascar loving, Jesus worshipping, soldier sniffing, racist homophobe who thinks the fact that you can see Russia out your window qualifies to be next in line to be commander in chief should the president die. Hey, I can see black people mowing my lawn out my window, make me president of the NAACP! Regardless, I have entitled this pose, “My reaction after Mister Dick foolishly transferred his entire life savings into AIG on the the advice of television commentators who got their jobs strictly on their ability to be white, old, and republican, and really loud. Only for AIG to nearly collapse, and Mister Dick now realizing the twilight years of his horrid life will be spent in those same assless chaps grinding a strip club pole before HIV thankfully, hopefully, claims his woebegotten life.” I shall begin. KRISTA MISTER DICK ALIX Hehehe Mister Dick! Maybe now you'll know the only safe currency to deal in is the most valuable currency of all. Human Souls. Coach, can I have your soul? COACH No! ALIX I'll give you a half chewed stick of double mint gum! Double your pleasure double your fun! COACH Well when you put in a catchy slogan from my childhood....okay! MELISSIA Mister Dick, there's nothing to worry about, Malaysia is actually a nice girl, I bet she'll let you sleep on top of one of her spare spanking benches. If you could please do your second pose. KRISTA Wait! I barely got my vomit bag ready! Mister Dick grumbles his annoyance, but his cruel words are overpowered by “Buttons” return to the venue. The audience is already is booing him, which does little to lighten his aggravated mood. However, MD does his best to encase himself in a sexual aura in the face of such opposing hatred. Facing his lone admirers in Los Diablos, MD ventures his hands to his tight shirt and ever so slowly removes them from his breifs. The luchadores tingle in an anticipation that's throughly satisfied when Mister Dick whisks his top away with little pretense. Delighted and wowed they giggle breathlessly at the sight of Mister Dick rubbing his hard hairless chest. He moans slightly pushes his pecs into his hands, drawing hungering stares from the judges. With his strong manly fingers he squeezes the firm muscles, lightly pinching the tips of his nipples, and stroking the mass of muscle, sending erotic waves through his body. KRISTA Mister Dick, honey, don't you worry, that's not the sound of five thousand people booing. No, that's a sound of angel committing suicide. Well done, sir! MELISSA Krista, please let Mister Dick, continue this pose. MISTER DICK I don't want to! I'm done, she done ruined the pose, and I hope ya'll judges take that into account! Over there heein and hawin some god damn nonsense, Melissa Nerdly, how'd you like it if you was up here trynna strut your stuff and look all good, and she starts talkin about the AIG bailout means you ain't got any money to get yer saggy breastses done up? MELISSA I'm going to ignore you from here on out. Your negative energy will not disrupt my postive chi. MISTER DICK Your breasts are disrupting my ability to maintain an erection. MELISSA Krista, that means its your turn. The audience is in dire need of a pick me up, and they certainly get a reason to stand up at attention, as the leggy blond tosses aside her robe. With the unwelcome, constraining cloth casted away, the fans satisfy their carnal desires with more than fantastic image of her long legs and tight tush fully revealed by a sparkling white thong, and her luscious chest bursting through a white top tied up to reveal her rock hard tummy. KRISTA I call this, “Terry hurry your ass up, my legs are freezing, which makes no sense because we're in a god damn desert!” A cumbersome name to be sure but it does bring out Terry Taylor in The Cock a doodle dobile, a white Cadillac with giant fake red feathers on the top. He honks the horn, which sounds like a rooster crowing, and it brings out several stage hands with buckets of water. And so Krista springs into action, exiting the ring and grabbing onto a bucket to wash down the cock a doodle dobile. That is a terrible name. Just terrible in everyway. Anyway, Krista crouches by the side as if using Angela crouched by the side of the car, and gently rubs her ass against the bodywork as if using her but floss to buff the paint. The view from inside is incredible, and hey, I have a gif that will save me typing power! Yay! Finally Krista finishes by dousing Terry's enflamed passion with a heaping of freezing cold water. The audience roars their enormous approval for Krista's showing, and she rewards them with a view of her glistening soapy BUTT as it bounces and flexes on her way back to the ring. Mister Dick is outright irate at the reaction Krista has generated and yells for the audience to show him the same respect. MELISSA Krista Isadora Duncan, once again ladies and gentlemen! Mister Dick, you're up for your third and final pose! COACH Alix, you gotta admit, Krista looked damn good but those clothes on Mister Dick are the finest threads you'll ever see. ALIX Yeah, I guess, if I only ever went to S&M leather bars. But I also like to go to soup kitchens and dump homeless people's head in the soup. That way when the recover from the near death drowning they can appreciate life again, and maybe just maybe the paramedics who will treat their third degree burn. Without a moment of hesitation or buildup, Mister Dick's tall and lean figure dives headfirst into the bed. Just his very presence in such a place, floods Los Diablos' mind with vivid fantasies and images. These are humiliating dreams Mister Dick works to bring to life by furiously thrusting himself into the bed, his pursed lips begging Los Diablos to come join him. Mister Dick reverses position facing away from the judges, showing off a hard muscle, defined, and hairless body. His back flowed down to his jeans, where his muscle ass jutted out. Briefs stretched tight against his firm ass, he pumps it and shakes it in the direction of the hooting and hollering Los Diablos. Eyes focused solely on his rump shaking, they fail to see him turn in their direction and lick his lips. With loud applause from his satisfied (and only) fans Mister Dicks dismounts the bed to bow towards an apathetic audience. COACH Look at that bod, chiseled out of granite. ALIX I wish it was chiseled out of cookie dough. Then I could eat it! And kill him at the same time! MELISSA Krista, this your last chance to seal the deal and remain Miss Money In The Bank. Krista, like Mister Dick, heads directly to bed. However, it seems as though she's gone to go to sleep as she slides underneath the covers totally shrouding herself in them. The fans buzz with confusion, unsure of what to make of her disapperance. They are definitley sure of what to make of the appearance of her top as it flies from the bed, along with her thong. COACH Oh boy! Coach's cheer is well worth it as this image appears on screen obv not in B&W! From the shot of a roaring, approving audience, we cut backstage to the collected locker room of the CAE, D*LUX, Melody, Jamie O'Hara, and Baron Windells. All widened heavily aroused eyes are glued to the set, except for D*LUX who are caught up in an unwelcome and frustrating conversation on the season premier of Ugly Betty with a visiting Jumbo. MARV Dudes, dudes, dudes, get yer asses over here! Krista is naked! She's naked! MEL Hurry up, you lame ass dicks. You're talking about Ugly Betty and she's got bouncing betties! Politeness be damned! Shayne and Tyler rush past an oblivious Jumbo to see their queen and goodness in all her splendor only for the TV to go black before they get even a glimpse. MELODY Sorry, gents, I need this TV for Rock Band 2. SHAYNE AND TYLER Bu...bu...bu...bu...but MELODY BACK TO STAGE FLOOR MELISSA Oh wow! Um, well done. Very well done. Very, very, well done! There you have it judges, the three very hot poses from our Posedown competitors. Please take a moment or two and decide the winners. As if they were decide a supreme court verdict, and damn it this is just as important as one, Los Diablos come together, yes homo, to decide on who should win this monumental battle of the nice booties. COLE This is pointless! We know who they're going to pick! COACH Shut up, Mikey, the judges deserve solitude and solemnity to confer. COLE Are you being sarcastic? ALIX No, silly, he's Coach! Who's this sarcasm dude? One of the dudes from 98 degrees? Is he the fat one who was only there to make Nick Lachey look hotter? Los Diablos continue to debate and discuss their selection, looking decidedly serious. As serious one can be in pink mask and devil horns. None the less their lack of a quick judgment makes Mister Dick slightly uneasy, and he shifts in nervous fear. Finally, he's able to calm himself somewhat as Los Diablos stand up to announce him the winner of the competition and the money in the bank briefcase. MARIACHI We have reached winner! MISTER DICK Tell the world, tell the world that The Human Hard On is the one that turns them on! MORCCA AND MARIACHI The winner of HeldDOWN POSEdown is......KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! SMILE! ALIX Yippie! I did it! COACH What did you do? ALIX I didn't pull out my vibrator a single time while I was out here. Very lady like. At the first the audience is stunned, unable to believe what they've just heard. Once that initiation shock passes, a wave of cheers comes flooding from the seats crashing into Mister Dick and drenching him in embarrassment. Embarrassment becomes anger, anger becomes rage, and soon the posedown looks like it may turn into a beatdown. MISTER DICK You pink little midget bastards! How the hell could ya do this to me? You're gay men! G-A-Y! You as gay as monkey shit is stinky, so how in the sam hill could ya'll have voted against me? MARIACHI Mister Dick, you are Cocky Prick! MORACCA And we hate cocky pricks! The audience loudly applauds Los Diablos amazing choice of personality over appearance. Although one could argue Krista's pretty cocky. But she's never masturbated over anyone. Plus she's famous. Thus, Krista=TEH WINNAH! COLE How bout that? Los Diablos are so disgusted with Mister Dick's personality they didn't want to name him the winner! How's that for a twist in a beauty contest? Krista, who apparently never feared losing her MITB briefcase and its half a million dollars, only applauds lightly with “told ya so” smirk. What she lacks in emotions, Mister Dick more than makes up for. He stomps around the ring, face reddened, nostrils flaring, eyes narrowed in a wild animal rage. MISTER DICK (leaning over the ropes) Ya two timin little Mexican jumpin bean snakes! I trusted ya'll ta do the right thing, do the smart thing and do the gay thing, and ya screwed me damn well and good! Screw you, ya damn daffy bastards! Ya'll ain't nothing but..but..but..some..some...faggots! “OOOOOOOH!” ALIX (standing) Yo, I know this whiteboy didn't! Los Diablos, do ya'll niggas bust yo gun? “Hell yeah we bust our gun!” they reply, and then surprise Mister Dick by latching onto his cowboy boots and dragging him out the ring. His, hot muscle stud ass belongs to them and they, and the audience, couldn't possibly be more excited. Chilling screams come from the top of Mister Dick's lungs, but his fears of sexual molestation are but wondrous song to the fans and his attackers. And a wondrous feeling to Los Diablos is there body pressed against his smooth baby oiled chiseled physique from the... ALIX (reading a notecard) GOMIES JUG! COLE That's uh..homies hug. ALIX You're handwriting is like super sucky, dude. BIFF (OFF SCREEN) Parada! Parada! Parada! All eyes, even that of Los Diablos, turn towards the stage area, to watch Biff Atlas hastily scurry onto the scene. The distraction provided by the annoying safety nut is wholly welcomed by Mister Dick, who uses it to keep his anal virginity (persumed) intact and scampers away from his would be sexual molestors. ALIX Look! Its Borf Arlus! COLE That's Biff Atlas. ALIX Okay, dude, I'm like really sorry and stuff, but you're handwriting is crappy! I think you should just be beheaded in front of school children who refuse to practice proper penmenship, let the youth benefit from your bloody death, dude. BIFF Parada! Parada! That means stop in Spanish, in case you were wondering. I find it useful to learn a new language. Many countries only have safety signs in one language, which I think should be changed ASAP, because you have no idea how many people have died because they couldn't read the signs warning them about lose electrical wries, rabid poisonous flying squirrels, EBOLA, or religious warfare. If you're interested in this topic please feel free to pick up my newsletter on your way out. Atlas on Atlas, laminated so as to minimize the risk of paper cuts. LOS DIABLOS Hi, Biffy! BIFF You! You creatures better stay away from me! I'm not here for you people. You're kind has done enough to me! KRISTA Honies, don't be offended, he doesn't mean gays, he means Mexicans. BIFF You're exactly, who I'm here for Miss Krista Isadora Duncan! Biff enters the ring to several boos and jeers from the theater goers. BIFF We've had our runs in the past I know. KRISTA That's odd, I don't remember any of them. BIFF I was part of an utterly insane and foolish match that destroyed half your house? KRISTA Honey, that's every Passover, when my Grandmother forgets which one of Uncle Larry's mistress has fathered which illegitimate black child. BIFF You flashed me once? KRISTA Honey, I got naked in a beauty contest judged by two men so gay they make John Waters look like Mitt Romney at a Klan rally, I've flashed a lot of people. BIFF That brings me right to my point! I like big mammaries, and glutes as much as the next American male, don't mistake me on that! But I consider it my duty above all other desires and pleasure to ask, no, demand that you put your clothes on right this very instant! “BOOOOOO!” BIFF Do not boo me! Do not boo me until you've walked a mile in my shoes! I have to share a locker room with this woman. Now, she may dress in her own trailer that's guarded by heavily armed security guards, but what happens if one of those security guards were to enter the arena, or what happens when she enters the arena for her match? Or wrestles a match? Nothing typically, because she is usually fully clothed, negating herself from exposure to the elements which in turn lead to colds, which in turn leads to the flu, which in turn leads to death! My death! But now she's nude! She's naked! And the end is at hand! Oh lord, the end is at hand! Why me? Why Biff? Why not someone else? The germs and viruses have a five foot tench body to feast on, and after they build their little germ settlements, with little germ towns, and little germ mayors, and little germ churches, they're going to look to expand. Where do you think they'll go? Right to me! Infiltrating my immune system, infecting me with the flu, and killing me! Kiiiiilllinnnnngggg meeeeeeee! AHHHHHHHH! NOOOOO! STOP! STOP! STOP! Because Krista wanted to get naked! Put some clothes on! Do it now! The audience is of course rather displeased with Biff's orders, but Krista remains strangely not in a position emasculate Biff. KRISTA Gee, Biff, you make a lot of sense, and I shouldn't have expected any less for a guy who made is OAOAST debut by snorting the dandruff off Josh Matthew's hair. I'll put my clothes on faster than you can spell hypochondriac. If you can spell hypochondriac. It wasn't my intention to have a go at your illiteracy, good sir, let me make everything up to you with a hug. BIFF A hug? A HOMIES HUG! Everyone in attendance is immensely satisfied to see Biff become a repeat victim of Los Diablos' crazy ways as the south of border queens ensare him in their trademark double bear hug. Atlas weeps and whines demanding to be let free, but his cries just provoke his aggressors to increase the furor behind their horrible, horrible, molestation. ALIX SPARTANS, TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! And with that movie quote, Alix rips Biff from Los Diablos hands, throws him over the ropes, and causes him to go crashing through the judges table. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” ALIX Was that overkill? KRISTA When is throwing someone threw a table ever not necessary? ALIX I love you. KRISTA I love me to! As Krista's entrance music blasts through the speakers, the rainbow collation (get it they're all gay!) raise their triumphant hands to a rousing ovation from the fans. MELISSA The winner of the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN The GLAADiator...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Congratulations! COLE Mister Dick has been foiled, and Biff Atlas has as usual suffered great humiliation. The Human Hard On's scheme to prove he's the hottest thing going and get his hands on a guaranteed title shot looked perfect, but its been done in by Los Diablos. COACH That was gay. Well, it wasn't gay gay, but it was still pretty gay. But, The Cocky Prick has got a chance to make history at Zero Hour by being the first person to ever take down Krista in a one on one match! Baron Windells couldn't do something as raw as that! COLE And neither can Mister Dick, so I don't even think its worth discussing! COACH I'ma bet you ten thousand dollars that Mister Dick is gonna be the one to take Krista down. COLE That's better be cash, you're paying me. No checks, the only thing I want bouncing around here is a basketball. COMING UP NEXT NED BLANCHARD VS BARON WINDELLS NEXT! COMMERCIAL

The camera cuts to a close-up of a hideously scarred back. The camera pulls back to reveal that the back belongs to Colombian Heat. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his orange T-shirt, a serious expression on his face. The OAOAST United States Championship belt sits on a tan sofa behind Heat. Heat goes to put on his yellow basketball jersey, when Tha Puerto Rican walks into the room. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a white dress shirt, black tie, black sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt, and black dress shoes. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN Heat, you sure you wanna do this? You can back out right now, if you want to. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, P, bro, don't worry. I gots dis. You understand? I ain't neva gonna back down cuz of somethin' some punk bitch did to me! THA PUERTO RICAN You're not exactly 100%, man. The Deadly Alliance really did a number on you last Thursday. HEAT Chill, B. I've been in worse situations. The scars will heal. And besides, chicks dig scars, you know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'? HA! HA! THA PUERTO RICAN I'm just checking on ya. Alfdogg is looking to send a message tonight to me two weeks before Zero Hour. HEAT P.R., the only one dat is gonna be sendin' a message tonight is me! Think of it as me representin' you in the ring tonight. What I do to Alfdogg, I KNOW dat you're going to do 10 times worse to him at Zero Hour! Jigga thinks he can get away with scarring mah back! HA! Fool got another thing comin' if he thinks he can just do dat and walk away scot free! I am fixing to give him an All-American ASS WHOOPING! I WILL LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON HIS CANDY ASS TONIGHT! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his yellow basketball jersey over his orange T-shirt. The OAOAST United States Champion looks at his best friend and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, who has a worried look on his face. Heat adjusts the yellow basketball jersey and then takes a deep breath. HEAT A'ight. I'm ready. THA PUERTO RICAN Hey. Be careful. I'll be watching the match. If you need any help, holla. HEAT Thanks, P.R., but I's dat think I can take care of dis on mah own. But yeah, I know you've got mah back always. THA PUERTO RICAN Damn right. Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican both throw up the "Killa B's", and then bump "Killa B's" together. HEAT Now if you excuse me, I got a Title to defend. After wot Alfdogg and his crew did to me, I am READY to dish out an ASS-WHOOPING TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE! BADD BOYZ STYLE! YESSIR! And then you will go ahead and finish off Alfie in two weeks at Zero Hour like I KNOW you will! A'ight, I gotta go. I'll be back in a few minutes, STILL having the OAOAST United States Championship belt around mah waist! A'ight, later. THA PUERTO RICAN See you later, Heat. The Badd Boyz high five each other. Colombian Heat dusts his right shoulder off and then says, "He ain't nothin' but dirt off mah shoulder!" PRL chuckles. Heat grins and nods his head. Colombian Heat grabs the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his right hand. He opens the door to the lockerroom, waves goodbye to Tha Puerto Rican, throws up a "Killa B" which PRL responds to in kind, and then nods his head again. Colombian Heat exits the lockerroom, closing the door behind him. THA PUERTO RICAN I'm so nervous for him! Tha Puerto Rican covers his face with his right hand and lets out a sigh. Tha Puerto Rican has a worried look on his face as the segment ends.

We're back from break with our focus on sofa central. COLE Right now, let's go over to T-Bod! The camera cuts to the old-school interview stage positioned besides the fans to the left of the stage. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tony Brannigan... "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tony waits for the cheers to decide. BRANNIGAN ...and at this moment, I'd like to read a pre-prepared statement. (Brannigan produces a piece of paper) At AngleSlam, in my hometown of San Antonio, I officiated the Match Made In Corporate Greed, between The Usual Suspects and members of The Enterprise. At the conclusion of that match, as things began to get out of control and fueled by the atmosphere around me, I attacked a contracted OAOAST competitor in Abdullah Abir Nerdly. In doing so, I overstepped the mark. I am a contracted OAOAST journalist and I realise the conflict of interest my actions could possibly cause and it is for that reason I would like to issue a public apology for my conduct. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Brannigan, having read the statement with a very deadpan voice, folds the piece of paper back up and tucks it in his pocket. COLE Something tells me that 'apology' had someone else's fingerprints on it. COACH Let me guess, you're suggesting Josie forced Brannigan into it. COLE I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, from the tone in Tony's voice, I doubt it was an idea entirely of his own volition. BRANNIGAN With that in mind, my guest at this time, along with Mackenzie DeCenzo, he is "The Natural" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Pheonix crowd direct their anger towards the stage as "Sharp Dressed Man" hits, bringing out CW fully suited up and in possession of his trusty briefcase. On his other arm, still looking disheveled, is Mackenzie who clings to Christian's arm for support. He leads her to the interview stage where there's a frosty atmosphere between he and Tony, despite the 'public apology' that he just issued. COLE Christian's not had the best of weeks, all things considered. Being a Financial Analyst isn't the easiest of jobs right now. COACH I can tell you one thing, he's had a better week than Bohemoth's had. BRANNIGAN Okay Christian, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. Last week, you and your buddies beat down Bohemoth in what seemed like a pretty well planned attack. I think we just wanna know, Why? WRIGHT Why? Mister Brannigan, I would assume even those of the lowest intellect amongst our national TV audience would be able to understand my motives. One week previous to tonight, Bohemoth once more displayed his true personality. That being, the personality of an unstable human being. His ravenous appetite for sadism knows no bounds of gender or punishment. For last week, the direction of his bloodlust was yours truly. Not as previous a helpless, innocent young lady, rather an innocent young gentleman. BRANNIGAN As I remember it, you came to the ring and blasted him with a chair. WRIGHT For which I have no regrets. This 'Monster' as he is monickered, he must be controlled. For a considerable length of time, I was pursued through the corridors of the arena, hunted like a lone elk by a savage predator. Cowardise is not in my nature as I'm sure you are well aware. However, with that predator stalking me with god only knows what masochistic intentions, I feared for my very life. Because I know what this man, this professed 'Monster', is truly capable of! He must be controlled and he must be neutered before he commits further acts of carnal sin. Christian looks to Mackenzie who shaking with fear reaches out for the microphone. MACKENZIE Bohemoth... had it coming, Tony. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MACKENZIE Nobody should feel any sympathy for that man. Not after what he's done. Nobody! WRIGHT It's okay, stay calm. MACKENZIE Bohemoth had this coming. And I know that most people are too scared of what he might do to deliver what he had coming. And I can't really blame them. But Christian... my knight in shining armour... he showed true bravery in the face of pure evil to do what was right! You see, that night, when... when... Mackenzie's voice begins to waiver and Christian takes a second to calm her down. MACKENZIE That night. Bohemoth stalked me just like he did Christian. He stalked after me into that exact same place. He tried to force me into the boiler room... he said it would be... quiet in there. More... steamy. I... tried to fight him off, and... and... I'm sorry. Poor Mackenzie breaks down again and buries her face into Christian's shoulders, to absolutely zero sympathy from the crowd. COLE Boiler room!? What happened to the story about playing pinball!? COACH She was clearly misquoted. COLE Oh, right, sure. BRANNIGAN So basically you're admitting that you set Bohemoth up? WRIGHT I prefer to say we provided karma a helping hand. Infact, you might well say it was a case of needs must. You may pour scorn on our methodology, but it was merely to serve a greater good. You cannot wrestle forever with morals when it comes time, To Catch A Predator. For these predators the ilk of Bohemoth or Anglesault have no morals. They have no remorse. No conscience. Luckily, The Enterprise is providing the OAOAST with a stable conscience, to combat predators such as these. No, myself and the V.I.C.E squad's attack within the confines of that boiler room, they were no mere coincidence. They were karmic justice for the tiny conscience of my former bodyguard. And the acrid stream which spewed forth from those pipes and into those sadistic eyes, that too was karma. Bohemoth, as you felt that steam sting at your eyes, you felt the sting of humiliation you forever inflicted on this once strong, indipendent woman. As the temperature of your orbital fluid rose, you felt the pain you have scarred into her soul. Every tear that flowed from your bloodshot eyes was a tear which this young lady has shed in torment since that night! Mackenzie manages a little bit of a smile now. WRIGHT And Bohemoth, your time of retribution has not yet passed. Your rehabilition is not yet complete. For at Zero Hour, yourself and I will enter that Boiler Room once more, the sight of your darkest crime, the sight of your impending downfall. Ms. Josie Baker has graciously given me the chance to issue your true karma in ten days time. And with the full knowledge of what you did in my mind, I will destroy you. I shall tame the mythical 'Monster'... Christian wraps a comforting arm around Mackenzie. WRIGHT ...and I will unshackle the chains of torment from this damsel in distress in the process. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The jeers continue to wash over CW and Mackenzie as he leads her carefully from the stage, the broken woman's plight still not enough to stop the boos. COACH Boy, how about that? COLE That was... something. From the sounds of it, a Boiler Room Brawl now added to Zero Hour, between Bohemoth and Christian Wright. And I have to say, that's a pretty gutsy move from Wright to be willing to be locked in a room with Bohemoth, no matter how large that room might be, all alone. Assuming of course he will be all alone. COACH What is with you? You doubt Christian's a man of his word, you keep trying to make Mackenzie seem like she's not a woman of her word, even after all she's been through. You're a cynical man. Why can't you understand, people like Christian are to be admired, trying to rid the OAOAST of scum like Anglesault and Bohemoth and make it a better place for people like us... well, some of us. COMING UP NEXT HeldDOWN PoseDOWN KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK NEXT COMMERCIAL

As we return to the arena/opera house/whatever, the unusual sight of Megan Skye walking to the ring alone greets us. Not leading anyone tonight, she walks with her head held high over the abuse of the crowd, climbing up the ring steps and into the ring with a calm focus on the task at hand. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following women's division tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Providence, Rhode Island... the brains behind Cucaracha Internacional... MMMEEEEEGGAAAAAAAANN... SSSSSSSSSSKKYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Megan's gotta be looking forward to this. A little chance at some revenge on the Duncan family, extended hide them at the back of the room at family reunions kinda family though it may be. COLE I'm sure Megan's just glad to be away from Landon for a few minutes, the mood he's in. As Megan stretches out in the ring, "Another Body Murdered" blares through the arena and Holly Mann marches out with a scowl on her face. Wearing a black cropped hoodie with skull and crossbones scattered all over, Holly angrily pulls her hand out of reach as foolish fans look for hand-tags. BUFFER And her partner. From Las Vegas, Nevada... the lead guitarist of the greatest rock n' wrestling band in all of professional wrestling, The Heavenly Rockers... she is "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holly stomps into the ring, barely acknowledging her tag team partner as she heads to the ropes to direct some abuse at the fans. COLE Holly in anti-social form as usual. Off comes the hoodie, chucked at a lowly stagehand. Holly and Megan keep their own distances, as the modern day cover version of "Beat It" by Fallout Boy brings out modern technology's #1 pin-up girl, Melody Nerdly. Melody rocks out in the entrance way and dives into the arms of the fans lining the aisle who soon get over being burned by Holly. BUFFER And the opponents, first, from The Fortress Of Nerdlytude! She is the 2007 OAOAST Manager Of The Year... MMMMEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOODDYYYYYYY... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Fortress Of Nerdlytude of course, better known as a 19 bedroom property in Edmonton. COACH You know what's ironic, Melody spent most of high school in her own fortress of solitude. Her bedroom. Because she was a geek. Didn't get out much. COLE Yeah yeah we get it. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, to a BIG reaction. And the reaction gets even bigger as with pure exuberance, Jade Rodez-Duncan bounds out onto the stage pumping his fists in the air! Jade unstraps the Women's Championship belt from around her waist and raises it over her head, dedicating it to the fans with points out across the arena before she skips to the ring. No though of any dance moves though in all the excitement, which surely won't go down well with certain members of the immediate family. BUFFER And finally, she now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the BRAND NEW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Slapping hands Jade looks a little overwhelmed by the reaction and walks on air all the way up the ring steps. She enters demurely through the middle and bottom ropes before climbing the turnbuckles, again raising the belt with what looks like a combination of about a dozen emotions. Joy, shock, gratitude, a little embarrasment at the fuss she's causing. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" As the festivities begin to die down Jade and Melody share a bestest-best pals hug. Jade still seems a little caught up in the reaction from the Pheonix crowd and as they continue to cheer for her, she beams from ear to ear. COLE Isn't it just great to see that beautiful smile on that young lady's face after all she's been through in recent months? COACH Oh give it up man, you don't stand a chance with her. Not sharing in the excitement though are Megan or Holly. Megan leaves the ring unimpressed. But Holly takes it a step further and yells at the crowd, then points a threatening finger Jade's way as she stands on the ring apron. It won't be her starting though, as Melody has already elected to start and Jade is too kind to argue that she might want to start now. *DINGDINGDING* As the two starters circle Melody shadow-boxes a little, which doesn't intimidate Holly one bit. COLE Absolutely no love lost between these two ladies. Actually about a year ago since Holly suckered Melody into believing they were best pals, only to lead her into a cruel Heavenly Rocker attack. Still waters still run deep it seems, as Melody proves her shadow-boxing wasn't just a threat and pops Holly in the mouth with a jab as she approaches! Holly looks shocked, but before she can complain Melody rushes her, into a neutral corner where she throws wild shots at her old enemy. Holly covers up under the wild attack, getting hit at least a dozen times before Melody relents. Fired up, Melody whips Holly across the ring. She then charges, but runs right into a raised knee in the corner! Quickly Holly grabs Melody by top and tails and throws her to the floor with contempt. Holly then turns her attentions to the Women's Champ again. Jade isn't drawn in by the arguement, but Holly does enough to keep the referee distracted while Megan targets Melody on the outside and rams her back into the steel ringpost! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And there's a cheapshot. I guess now we know where Landon Maddix gets it from. Or vice versa. As Megan retreats, Holly reaches through the turnbuckles for Melody's hair, pulling her back up to the apron. Holly takes Melody's head and rams it against the turnbuckle on the outside. Hooking her up, she then brings Melody back inside with a vertical suplex and floats over... 1... 2... No! Pulling Melody back up, again with a hefty handful of hair, Holly badmouths her before throwing her back to the canvas face-first. Despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda, she repeats the move again. Holly soon grows bored though and gives Megan a tag. As Melody tries to take advantage of the switch by getting to her corner, Megan pulls her back, turning her over to drop an elbow before covering... 1... 2... No! Megan waits for Melody to get going again, catching her in the ribs with a kick as she reaches one knee. COLE We don't see Megan in the ring too often, but we do know she can kick. COACH Well usually Megan's had other commitments, managerial commitments. But let's face it, with a lame-duck Champion, what better time to put yourself back in the women's division? After another kick to the body Megan hooks up Melody, delivering a vertical suplex. COLE Nice move by Megan and from what we're seeing, it's a little bit of a surprise we haven't seen more of her. Good to see the women's division coming back into prominence with the likes of Megan and Melody throwing their hats and themselves into the ring recently. COACH And yet when Malaysia was Champ, nobody wanted to know. Jade wins the belt, they're all at it. Coincidence? You tell me. COLE I'm actually trying my best to ignore you. Megan comes off the ropes looking for a big knee, but finds nobody home! Melody is able to roll out of the way and gets the tag to bring the new Women's Champion in, to a big cheer from the crowd. Around hobbles Megan, as Jade comes in and instantly dives at her with a Thesz Press! Jade mounts Megan and rams the back of her head into the mat a couple of times before leaping to her feet, encouraging her opponent back up. COLE She doesn't like too lame of a duck right now Coach! COACH Give it time. Off the ropes, Jade knocks Megan down with a clothesline. And a second. And a third, feeding off the energy of the crowd as they get behind her. They suddenly have to alert her of danger as Holly tries a cheapshot, Jade able to spot her coming, duck a clothesline and deliver a dropkick to send her crashing out of the ring! Jade then rushes Megan, shooting her off the ropes and delivering a dropkick to her as well! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Jade is cooking here! Defeating Malaysia could well be the making if this young woman, she's never lacked heart but she's been lacking in self-confidence for so long, maybe things have now changed. As Megan gets back up, Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Megan down with a big clothesline! As she hits this, we hear a slight thud on the announce table, as a newspaper lands on it. COLE The hell? Michael picks up the paper and reads the front page headline aloud. COLE Exclusive: Rich Little Blonde Girl Kicks Ass! Courtesy of the... LA Swag? Michael turns around, to see ALIX MARIA SPEZIA behind him, dressed in a sexed-up paper-carrier uniform. ALIX EXTRA, EXTRA! SPREAD THE NEWS! **GETTING HOT IN HERE LYRICS** COLE This place just gets weirder by the second. Back in the ring the tag is made between Jade and Melody. Jade holds Megan in place while Melody navigates her way up the turnbuckles, coming off the top with a DEVESTATING~! tomahawk chop to the top of the head. Melody then delivers another tomahawk to the head from a standing position, reminiscent of Austin Powers' judo chop. Megan shrugs off the minor nuisance and delivers a knee to the gut to double Melody up, setting her for a whip. Melody is able to reverse coming off the ropes however, wrapping her legs around Megan's body and executing a wheelbarrow bulldog! COLE That's the Revenge Of The Nerdly. COACH Did you get that from this newspaper presumably printed up at some carnival too? COLE No, stupid. I got it straight from the source, Melody's MySpace page. Melody hooks the leg on Megan... 1... 2... Holly breaks the count. As Melody complains to the referee about Holly's interference, her lack of ring experience leaves her with her back turned to her opponent for far too long, allowing Megan time to recover and catch her with a forearm as she turns around. Megan quickly tags out to Holly, who runs in and uses the hair to whiplash Melody back across her knee with a modified backbreaker! COLE Ooh! That looked nasty. Holly wraps Melody up... 1... 2... Kickout! Backing Melody into a corner, Holly delivers some hard punches before driving a shoulder to the midsection where Melody puts up a defensive guard. As Melody doubles over, she takes a nasty looking kick upside the head which sends her lurching backwards, falling over the middle rope backwards and left hanging out to dry. Holly nonchalantly climbs over her onto the turnbuckles and raises her arms. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" After dragging Melody off the rope, Holly lands a hard elbow strike, then comes off the ropes to put even more momentum behind a second. Melody is left seeing stars and reaches out in vain for a tag despite being nowhere near her corner. COLE Melody is on dream street right now. COACH I don't see much of that Duncan confidence on Jade's face now, do you? I think she's realising, with her partner hurt and Alix running around delivering fake newspapers, she's in deep trouble if she gets tagged. A stomp to the back of the head further scrambles Melody's brains. Kneeling down, Holly then applies a chinlock, pinning Melody down with her knee at the same time. As Holly cranks back on the neck of the Manager Of The Year, the screen splits to show Malaysia Nerdly watching on backstage, absent mindedly oiling the chest of Mr. Dick who is spread across a leather recliner as she does so. COLE The former Women's Champion with her eyes on this one as she prepares Mr Dick for his PoseDOWN~! later tonight. "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" With Jade playing cheerleader, only fitting considering she's in a cheerleader's outfit for crying out loud, the Pheonix fans start to get behind Melody. The geek chic Nerdly fights to a slightly better position, on her knees but still in the chinlock. Holly simply lets her go though, striking her in the back. And again. Holly then comes off the ropes, looking for a clothesline. With a deft sidestep, Melody counters and looks for a crucifix. But despite her best efforts to bring Holly down, The Angel Of Death is able to hold herself up and sit out, driving Melody into the mat with a Samoan Drop! Reaching back, Holly casually hooks a leg... 1... 2... No! COLE Melody staying in this match, but she really needs to get the Women's Champion in. Holly paintbrushes Melody a couple of times before landing a more solid boot to the face. Tag is made, bringing Megan in. She doesn't enter the ring though, heading straight to the top. The fans and her partner try to warn Molly of what's coming as she gets back up looking lost. And as Melody turns her way, Megan goes for a Skye Dive... ...but Melody ducks and Megan crashes and burns!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" With the support of the crowd, Melody is able to scramble past Megan on hands and knees, to her corner where she makes the tag! COLE There we go! Jade rushes into the ring, coming to a sudden stop as she misjudges Megan getting up. After a couple of steps back, she runs in again and looks for a crossbody of her own... and much like Megan, she crashes and burns as Megan hits the deck! COACH Ha! I still can't believe this second-generation embarrassment was able to beat Malaysia at AngleSlam. COLE It just goes to show that dreams can and do come true, if you work hard and have a great attitude... COACH *gags* COLE Oh you know what, fuck you. COACH As Jade gets up, she turns around into a boot and a quick DDT! Cover... 1... 2... No! Megan sets herself and aims high with the Chick Kick... too high, as Jade ducks, snaring Megan in a surprise schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! A knee cuts Jade off as both ladies get to their feet. Megan delivers a forearm to the face, then whips Jade into her team's corner. Right away Holly grabs hold of Little Miss California's arm, keeping her penned in as Megan runs in with a clothesline. As Megan backs across the ring Holly continues to hold Jade back. But Jade manages to fight her off and just in time, dragging Holly over across the top turnbuckle avoiding a charge from Megan, sending her crashing into Holly's ribs! COLE Jade making fools of her opponents on that exchange, who does that remind you of? Jade armdrags Megan out of the corner, then delivers a not-too graceful front dropkick to follow. In runs Melody, knocking Holly off the top to the floor and following out to go on the attack. Leaving Jade alone with Megan, giving the signal for the end. COLE Not exactly to her Mom's standards, but Jade calling for the finish all the same. As Megan gets back to her feet, the Women's Champion waits behind her and reaches out with both hands to grasp the chin. But Megan has her scouted and drops to one knee, delivering a backfist to the midsection! COACH Megan way too smart for that though. By the way, FU right back man. COLE Snappy comeback. From one knee Megan elevates Jade off the mat in a fireman's carry in an impressive show of strength. She carries the Women's Champion around the ring. Jade manages to escape though, shoving Megan off into the ropes. Megan ducks underneath a clothesline on her way back and grabs Jade in a waistlock. A switch puts Jade behind Megan, but Megan switches herself right back into position and shoves her forward, right into the referee. Luckily Jade is able to slow herself down before impact and Chioda just ends up on his BUTT with a hurt ankle. That doesn't stop Jade from apologising profusely and insisting on checking he's okay. Jade even goes so far as to help Chioda to his feet despite his insistance that he's not hurt. Once she's absolutely sure she hasn't accidently done him any damage, Jade then refocuses on the match... ...and gets laid out with a Chick Kick from the waiting Megan! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The kick right to the head, that could do it. Megan quickly goes for the cover, hooking both legs to put Jade high on her shoulders... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And it does! Megan pins the Women's Champion! *DINGDINGDING!* Sliding into the ring too late, Melody curses herself as Megan's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of HOLLY MANN and MEGAN SSSKKYYYYEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melody kneels at Jade's side, the Women's Champ holding the side of her head in pain as the effects of the kick sink in. Standing over her Megan cracks a bit of a smile for the first time. Chioda raises her hand in victory again before joining in on checking on Jade. COACH See, what did I tell you. One victory doesn't change a thing, Jade didn't suddenly become a great wrestler overnight. She's still the same Jade. Sucky. COLE That's typically harsh. And wrong. Jade got caught up with the referee, thanks to Megan pushing her into him. COACH And instead of making a smart-alec quip and giving him a high-heel in the rectum for getting in the way like her mother would, she had to play 'Florence Jadeinggale' and help him up. And it cost her, didn't it? COLE That it did. With Holly still scowling at the shots she took, she and Megan back up the aisle with their victory. Megan seems much the more satisfied of the two as she smirks back at Jade, sat up with Melody's help but still holding at her aching head. COACH I ain't even trynna throw stones at the Duncan name. If we had Maya in there, this match would've ended ten minutes ago, and she coulda showed us her show n tell and maybe taught us a little bit about American history. We're entertained and we're educated. Can you ask for more from a show featuring a four hundred pound rapist? COLE Well, Jade is still the women's champion, and I think that's what's important. Fans, stay tuned because we have more coming up including Jade's mother Krista Isadora Duncan and Mister Dick in a posedown and Colombian Heat with his toughest title defense yet against Alfdogg! COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT PATTY DOESN'T NEED A DICTIONARY BECAUSE I AM SMART. YOU ARE STUPID SO YOU WILL NEED ONE CHRISTIAN WRIGHT SPEAKS ON BOHEMOTH! NEXT

-We fade in from commercial to none other than... OMG!~! JOSIE BAKER!~! OMG!~!~ The fans erupt as Josie leans back in her chair, her ever present cigarette hanging loosely from her lips. Sitting slightly behind her is Sophie Grey, who is reading over something on her clipboard. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Sophie jumps slightly; she is obviously still traumatized from her attack a few weeks ago. Josie, on the other hand, lifts her head slowly. JOSIE Come in. -The door opens slowly, and in walks... "CASH MONEY" CURTIS BLACK!! The fans erupt at Curtis' new look. He smiles wide at Josie, who smiles right back. CURTIS What it do, Jo? JOSIE Welcome back, Curtis! How was Japan? CURTIS Ah, shit, Jo...you know how i' is. Plenty of fine ass little Japanese grrls and e'ythang. Plen'y a wres'lin and shit. Me and Nine done good, baby boo. JOSIE (smirking) I have no doubt. Speaking of 9-Mill... -Josie shrugs and does the "where?" hand motions. Curtis now has a solemn look on his face, almost as if he just lost a family member. CURTIS Yeeah, I wan'ed ta talk wich ya about that, Jo. See...shit, grrl...this shit is hard to say... JOSIE ...He's not dead, is he? CURTIS ...What? Nah...Nah, fuck nah. Truf uh the matter iz, that fool stayin' in Japan. He re'lized that he dug the Japan way-a life betta, ya feel me? -Josie hangs her head as Sophie shakes hers softly. JOSIE Yeah, I feel ya. I take it, Curtis...that he's not coming back. CURTIS That's real. JOSIE (quietly) Fuck. Well... CURTIS Jo? JOSIE Yes, Curtis. CURTIS You still got me, grrl. You still got me. -Josie has to smile at this as she raises her head. JOSIE Yes, I do, hon. -Another knock raps at the door, causing Curtis to turn his head, fists clenched. Once again, Sophie jumps a little, but relaxes due to Curtis' presence in the room. JOSIE Um...Come In. -The door opens slightly, and in walks He glances around the room while Curtis stares him down. The man smiles slightly at him. MAN 'Ello. CURTIS What it do, blood? -The man slowly walks past him, making a bee-line for Josie, who keeps her completely stoic look. JOSIE May I help you, sir? MAN (with a thick BBC English accent) Yes, my name is Giles Quincy Buckingham. I was told to meet with Josie Baker. JOSIE That's me. What can I do for you, Mr. Buckingham? CURTIS ...Giles Quincy Buckingham? Shiiiit, I'd be pissed if that was my name, dawg. Shit's a lil fairy. -Giles smiles slightly, not even turning his head towards Curtis. GILES It's a family name, my friend. It was my father's name, and my grandfathers before him. What's your fathers name? -Giles chuckles softly to himself and shrugs. GILES ...or do you not know who he even is? -The fans OOOOOO at this comment as Curtis steps forward, mean muggin' towards Giles, who simply smiles. JOSIE ...Excuse me, who told you to meet with me? -Giles smirks. GILES Colin Maguire, Sr. -The fans erupt in a chorus of boos as Josie droops her head. She raises it again, smiling slightly. JOSIE Did he now? GILES He did. He also said that because of the...situation...between you two, I should expect for this meeting to not go in my favor, and that I should expect to have to prove myself. JOSIE Did he? -Giles nods, cracking his neck slightly. GILES So...what do you say, Mrs. Baker? -Josie stares at Giles, then glances over at Curtis. Her eyes then go back to Giles, who stands before her desk, his arrogant smile ever present. Josie leans back, causing Sophie to lean forward. Josie whispers something into her cousins ear, causing her to nod. Josie leans forward, smiling her patented smile. JOSIE Miiiiiiister Buckingham...Now, should I be mean to you, or should I be uncharacteristically nice? GILES That's why you're the boss, ma'am. Those decisions are yours to make. -Josie chuckles a bit, then nods. JOSIE You know your place. I like that. -Josie glances at Curtis, who continues to mean mug. JOSIE ...All right...since you happened to piss off my buddy Curtis, and since you are so anxious to prove yourself...Tonight. You, Mr. Buckingham, will be facing "Cash Money" Curtis Black. -The fans erupt at this! Curtis nods, still mean-muggin', while GQ nods as well. JOSIE In a No Disqualification match. -The cheers grow insane! GQ smiles a cocky smile as Curtis looks toward Josie, smiling straight through his platinum grill. CURTIS THA'S REAL! GILES I'm all for it. -Josie smirks, cocking her head to the side. JOSIE You better be, gorgeous. -GQ smiles wide, buttoning his jacket. He glances back at Curtis and smirks. GILES See you out there, sunshine. CURTIS Fo sho...bitch. -GQ's smirk remains on his face as he calmly opens the door and walks out, leaving Three of the five members of Affirmative Action. Josie shakes her head as Curtis nods. Sophie's jaw is as wide as her eyes. SOPHIE 'E was byootifull! -The fans laugh as Sophie shakes her head slowly. Josie chuckles as she looks over a few charts, letting the scene fade to... ANOTHER member of Affirmative Action!!! A man with long, greasy black hair, clothed in a jet black Italian leather jacket over a brown t-shirt. His trademark skin-tight, jet black pants over Beatle boots fill out the rest of the outfit. And the kicker? The ever present cigarette hanging from his mouth. It can be no other. It's Austin "Ragdoll" Baker!! The fans erupt!! Their long-time hero is once again where he belongs, in the OAOAST! Ragdoll struts confidently through the back, puffing away at his cig. Suddenly, his left shoulder connects with a rather large man's right shoulder. Ragdoll stops where he is and smirks, turning slowly towards the man, who just happens to be his opponent at Zero Hour... Mickey Gillpatrick. The fans erupt in boos as Mickey steps toward Ragdoll, getting within inches of his face. Ragdoll, however, does not move, and continues smoking his cigarette. MICKEY ...Is there a prahblem 'ere, Bakah? -Ragdoll remains silent, still smoking his cigarette. A tiny smile creeps onto his face, but is quickly replaced with a stoic look. Mickey rubs his jaw and backs up a step. MICKEY I take it yer the silen' type, eh? Naht muchta say? Well, that's perfect fer me, cos I got a shite ton tuh say. Now, ya might think that just b'cause you were in some brutal matches, and that yer considered the best wrestlah to nevah wear the belt, that yer pretty damn tough. Well let me let you in on a lil' secret: That don't mean SHIT! Yer the best wrestler to nevah wear the belt? There's no such fockin' thing! If you WERE that good, you woulda been the champ, am I right? But no, you seem to like jus' floatin' by with second place. Well, here's a riddle for ya...What floats by, and is Number Two? -Mickey stares at Ragdoll, who continues to puff on his cigarette. Ragdoll shrugs slightly, causing Mickey to smile a bit. MICKEY It's shit, mate...and that's what you are...Shit. -The fans OOOOOOO as Mickey smirks, getting the verbal one-up on Ragdoll, who simply stares. After a few moments of silence, Ragdoll slowly takes the cigarette out of his mouth and points at Mickey. RAGDOLL ...I'm sorry...who are you? -Mickey chuckles as he steps back, taking off his leather jacket. He throws it on the floor as he rolls up his shirt sleeves. MICKEY Funny...really fockin' funny, mate...Ya know what else is funny? RAGDOLL 30 Rock? MICKEY Nah...it's the fact that yer not even gonna make it tuh our match at Zero Houah. Yer brains are gon'a be all ovah this arena. -Ragdoll smirks and flicks his cigarette away. He slowly cracks his neck as Mickey puts up his fists. RAGDOLL I don't get it, ya fat fuck. Yer gonna have to explain the joke to me. MICKEY With pleasure! -Mickey advances!! But a hand slaps against his chest, stopping him in his tracks! Mickey looks over at the source, causing the camera to pan over as well. The boos rise as the screen presents a grinning... Colin Maguire, Sr! His smile grows as Mickey drops his fists. MAGUIRE (staring at Ragdoll) Now now, Mickey...we don' wanna waste any energy that could be used at Zero Houah, now do we? MICKEY (staring at Ragdoll) Nah, Colin...we don't. MAGUIRE ...Cos then we wouldn't be able to give the propah beatin' to our little friend from Vegas, would we? It'd be 'alf-assed...am I wrong? -Mickey smirks, never letting his eyes leave Ragdoll MICKEY Nah, Colin...yer nawt wrong. It WOULD be half-ahssed. -Ragdoll smirks, pulling out another cigarette. RAGDOLL I appreciate it, fellas. MAGUIRE Oh, no mind at all, Mr. Bakah...It's all our pleasure...Now, Mickey. We must be going. Let's let Mr. Bakah enjoy his cigahrette in peace. -Mickey nods and picks up his leather jacket. He flings it over his shoulder as Maguire walks past Ragdoll, whose eyes never once leave Mickey. MICKEY I'll be seein' ya, Bakah. -Ragdoll does a nonchalant salute as Mickey struts by. The camera fades out as Ragdoll grins wide, watching the two walk away COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN AND MELODY NERDLY VS MEGAN SKYE AND HOLLY MANN NEXT

The skyline of Phoenix greets us along with the dance sounds of Armin Van Burren's The Sound of goodbye We return from break to Josh Matthews is standing backstage with Alfdogg and Sandman9000. JOSH Standing with me right now, the Heartland champion, Sandman9000, as well, as the man who will attempt to take the United States title right here tonight, the leader of the Deadly Alliance, Alfdogg! Now, last week, the Deadly Alliance committed one of the most heinous acts I've ever seen in wrestling, they way they hospitalized Colombian Heat! JOSH Now, I've been told Colombian Heat's back is still in excruciating pain, but he insisted that he compete and defend his title here tonight! However, who knows what the extent of his injuries are, he's obviously far from 100%, Alf. ALF Oh, will you cut it out, you're starting to sound like the Phoenix Suns with all these excuses! *crowd boos* ALF Look, little man, I'll admit that it's quite admirable of Colombian Heat to come out here injured, and try to prove me wrong for all his "Badd Boy nation" out here. *crowd cheers* ALF And let me tell you something else, Bill Laimbeer was probably hunched over his toilet PUKING when he heard those two clowns announced as the "Badd Boyz". I got news for you two; raiding your grandmother's panty drawer does not make you a Bad Boy. And Heat, you say you "invented this "ish""? I suggest you brush up on your OAOAST history, kiddo. Nobody is better at being BAD than the Deadly Alliance. We've been proving it since the beginning, we proved it last week, and I'll prove it tonight, when I take your United States title, and finally show this loser city what a championship team looks like, in the Deadly Alliance. *crowd boos* ALF (looks to Sandman) But don't worry...I'll leave plenty for you at Zero Hour. Alf walks off the set. JOSH Well, there you have it, Micha... Alf pops back in. ALF And one more thing...I hope Theodore Moneymaker has been watching this unfold. If you really wanted that windbag Krista taken out, you didn't have to hold some rum-dum tournament with bounties thrown out there, brother! We showed you the necessary measures for that last week. Yeah, you're making some progress with the whole steam-in-the-face trick, but let's be honest, what good does that do besides clearing up his acne for him? You should have sprayed it on his back! If you want to get the hang of this heel stable thing, do us a favor, quit the silly money games, and take some notes from the master. Alf walks off, this time for real. IN TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT THE UNITED STATES TITLE ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT TONIGHT! COMING UP SOON NED BLANCHARD VS BARON WINDELLS SOON!

For no apparent reason, we go on location to a nearby mall. The cameraman walks into the arcade, and focuses on a four-player driving game, which has a group of kids gathered around watching the action. KID Go, go! ANOTHER KID Aw, he's gonna pass him! After about 30 more seconds of this, the group starts cheering, then Waldo hops out of his seat. WALDO Yeeeeah, I just whooped that as AGAIN, son! Luther then steps out of his seat next to Waldo, followed by Mariano and Quincy. WALDO Three times in a ROW, son! LUTHER (slaps Waldo's finger from his face) Fuck off me, wit' yo punk ass. QUINCY Yo, I'm bout ta shoot some fuckin' cowboys n' shit! LUTHER Aw, snap! Quincy and Luther grab the guns and begin to shoot at the arcade console, while Waldo shoves a teenager away from a Tekken console. WALDO Get yo wack ass outta here! Fuck you know about Tekken? Shit. Mariano joins him, and the two begin to fight, as the camera pans over to Vinny Valentine and Tony Tourettes walking into the arcade. TONY HOLY SHIT! The arcade grows silent, as Tony rushes over to the pool table, grabbing a cue and tossing it at an unsuspecting Vinny, hitting him in the side of the face. TONY RACK 'EM UP, BITCH! As Vinny sets up the rack, Tony spots Luther focused on his shooting game, and uses the pool cue to push his elbow, throwing him off. He then turns and looks up at the ceiling as Luther looks over at him. LUTHER Motha fucka! Here you jus standin' there, starin' at da ceiling, and people comin' along hittin' my arms n' shit! You gotta watch my back, dog! Tony then pulls a beer out of his pocket, and begins drinking it. He then shoves Tony out of the way as he's lining up his shot. TONY GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! I BREAK! As Tony sets up to break, Luther walks over and shoves the back of his arm with his foot. TONY SHIT! ASSHOLE! (takes a drink) GET YOUR PENIS BREATH OUT OF MY FACE, PENIS BREATH! An employee walks up. EMPLOYEE You can't have alcohol in here, sir. TONY FUCK YOU! EMPLOYEE Give me the drink, or I'll have to call security. TONY FUCK THOSE RENT-A-COP FAGGOTS, TOO! I'LL EAT ALL THEIR FUCKIN' DONUTS! The employee then tries to take the beer from Tony. Wrong move, as Tony picks the employee up in a fireman's carry and drops him forward onto the pool table. Waldo, seeing the skirmish, abandons his DDR game and jumps, literally, on top of the pile. The rest of the Burrough Boys and several teenaged/young adult onlookers get involved, and a big brawl breaks out. Vinny stands and watches as Tony suddenly emerges from the heap, having re-attained his beer along the way. He takes a drink. TONY FUCK THIS PLACE! Let's get out of here! Tony then tosses the beer can right onto the head of the employee, which is sticking out of the pile, then Vinny and Biff exit the arcade. Back on HeldDOWN and back to the ring, with "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship kicking up. And to typical boos out breezes James Blonde, in a black hooded jacket, short sleeved on the left side and totally cut open down the seam on the right. Pulling his personal share of the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Title belts from the open half of his jacket, Blonde raises it over his head as he walks to the ring. As he approaches the camera-man filming in front of him, Blonde takes a second to send his boss Landon Maddix a quick shout-out before sliding into the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, he hails from Vancouver, British Colombia... weighing in at two hundred, eight pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is one third of the reigning OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJJJAAAAAMMMMMEEEESSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Taking great care with his expensive and above all trendsetting jacket, Blonde gives the lowly stagehands some strict instructions of how and where to take it, warning him that it's a 'one of a kind original'. And speaking of one of a kind originals (if you don't count Jack Evans!), it's a slight change of pace as "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva plays Jamie O'Hara to the ring. Tagging a few hands, O'Hara mouths off at Blonde all the way down the aisleway. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... he weighs one hundred, seventy six pounds. "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOOO'HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara vaults into the ring over the top and invites Blonde to come and take a shot, to which Blonde politely declines and leaves the ring. COLE Singles action, stemming from action we saw this past weekend on OAOAST Syndicated... OAOAST BACKTRACKER COACH And from that cheap attack, a wrestling match grows. COLE That's one way of looking at things I suppose. In any event, James Blonde already dedicating this match tonight to Landon Maddix, who is here and in a stinker of a mood from his defeat at AngleSlam. Puts a little pressure on himself, don't you think Coach? COACH Not really. Everything James does is dedicated to his main man Landon and it hasn't done him much harm so far. Blonde continues to walk around the ring, biding his time. Getting sick of waiting O'Hara sees an opening as Blonde stops to get into an arguement with a section of the crowd. And he vaults himself over the top rope to the floor, running up behind Blonde and sending him face-first into the steel barricade! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH Another cheapshot! I guess that's how they do things on the streets of England? *DINGDINGDING!* Staying on the attack O'Hara lays into Blonde with right hands up against the barricade. O'Hara then looks for an irish whip across ringside. A reversal sends the Englishman heading towards the ringpost, but O'Hara is able to block a collision with the steel... and then sidesteps as Blonde charges him, causing him to collide shoulder-first with the post! Blonde staggers away until O'Hara catches up with him and throws him inside. COLE That was a rash move from Blonde there. And it could be costly early. As Blonde picks himself up, O'Hara springboards to the top and connects with a Dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! O'Hara hits the ropes and as Blonde gets to his feet, an instinctive duck of the head leaves him open for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Backing into a corner, Blonde baits Jamie in and goes to the eyes! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE There's something he learned from Landon. COACH Did it pretty well too. COLE Oh yeah I'm sure it'll earn him some precious brownie points. With O'Hara temporarily blinded it allows Blonde to turn him into a corner and land a knee. Running out of the corner, Blonde turns on his heels in the middle of the ring to deliver another knee. Blonde then delivers a snap suplex out of the corner before jumping back to his feet theatrically. When that's greeted with boos he takes even more theatre in hopping up to the middle turnbuckle, kissing his fist and delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... into the canvas! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" BLONDE OOOWWWW! Blonde tries to shake the pain out of his hand and deliver a punch with it, but O'Hara blocks and lands a forearm. Another block and another forearm. O'Hara then delivers a boot, coming off the ropes behind Blonde and hits a dropkick. Sent lurching forward Blonde falls into the ring ropes and staggers backwards off them, as O'Hara bypasses him. O'Hara throws himself off the ropes looking for the Busaiku knee strike, but Blonde sidesteps. Snaring O'Hara on the way past Blonde turns behind in a waistlock and throws him backwards with a German Suplex, folding him up on impact! COLE Oh, big suplex! A great counter move from Blonde. Turning O'Hara over Blonde covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Using the ropes to pull himself up Jamie is caught with a knee, then elbowed in the back of the head. Irish whip sends O'Hara across the ring and Blonde cuts him down with a clothesline, covering again... 1... 2... No! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Blonde stomps O'Hara a couple of times, then sets him down to deliver a Double Stomp. With his opponent winded The Trendsetter leaves the ring and heads up top. COLE Blonde taking his sweet time going up. COACH He's just giving the people a chance to take a look at those mind-blowing gold shoes. Rumour has it since he wore them a couple of weeks ago, sales rocketed across North America. I even got me some! COLE Those are just a pair of sandles spraypainted gold. COACH I know, sweet ain't they? By the time Blonde reaches the top O'Hara is back up and he stops Blonde's progress with a punch to the gut. And a second. O'Hara springs to the middle rope to join Blonde, a slugfest ensuing on the turnbuckles. After a couple of shots Blonde is able to push O'Hara off the ropes, only for the Brit to land on his feet and leap right back up in The Trendsetter's face. Blonde has an ace up his sleeve though. With O'Hara punching, Blonde gives him another shove, this time aiming him towards the ring ropes. O'Hara lands throat-first across the top rope and falls backwards. Getting his footing, Blonde waits for O'Hara to get back up, leaping with the Brit doubled over hurt and coming down with his knee right across the side of O'Hara's head!! COACH Nice! COLE Blonde connecting, eventually, on that high-flying move. The knee doesn't put O'Hara down, but it does leave him stunned long enough for Blonde to wrap him up and deliver an Inverted DDT! COLE And that's a Fashion Statement by James Blonde. Hook of the leg... 1... 2... No! Blonde despairs at the kickout and complains to the referee about it. COLE Maybe Blonde is starting to feel the pressure a little? COACH Nah. My boy stays cool like... uh... well, uh, something that... you know... is cold. Like a freezer or something? Pulling O'Hara roughly up by his baggy vesttop Blonde forces him into a bent-double position again and hooks his leg over the back of his neck. Calling for the end he forces forward looking to hit the Guilt Trip... but O'Hara spins out of it! Irish whip attempt out of it is reversed though sending J-OH off the ropes, Blonde scooping him up on the rebound for a slam. Before he can execute it O'Hara kicks his feet to force himself over the back, shoving Blonde forward into the ropes finally. Blonde comes off the ropes with a clothesline, but O'Hara ducks underneath, hitting the ropes himself and cracking JB upside the jaw with a Busaiku Knee Kick!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" COLE Caught him with that one! 'Your boy' might need some ice from that freezer when he gets backstage! Blonde staggers to his feet and walks into a Side (Black) Russian Legsweep. Rolling right through on impact O'Hara positions himself at Blonde's side and takes off with a Standing Tornado Moonsault... 1... 2... NO! Irish whip sends Blonde into a corner. Jamie encourages some noise from the crowd before he follows in looking for a monkey flip, but a shove in the chest leaves him empty handed. COACH Nuh-uh, too smart. Undaunted, O'Hara rolls through and tries again. Blonde is able to shove him off again though... ...except this time, J-OH backflips to land on his feet and dropkicks Blonde up against the turnbuckles! COLE There's smart and then there's too smart for your own good. O'Hara catches Blonde with a Spinning Back Kick to the jaw and knocks him down, in perfect position it would seem as the crowd rise to their feet. Letting them know he hears it, Jamie nods his head and quickly heads up top. COLE Here we go! Reaching the top, O'Hara calls out, for the 63... ...NO! Blonde rolls out of the way! Luckily for O'Hara he manages to bail out early enough to land on his feet after just 360, although a stumble puts him on the backfoot for a second. Blonde quickly capitalises, grabbing hold of O'Hara's baggy clothing and pulling him face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Now I don't know if that should be allowed. COACH Why not? If this goof wore clothes that fit him he wouldn't have that problem in the first place. As O'Hara staggers off the buckle Blonde snares him and applies the cobra clutch. Before he hits the move however, he feels compelled to dedicate it to Landon loud enough so that the cameras can pick it up. Unfortunately, they also pick up O'Hara kicking off the turnbuckles and landing on Blonde's chest, then rolling back to force his shoulders down... 1... 2... COACH Wait! 3!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH No! *DINGDINGDING!* Blonde releases the cobra clutch too late and realising he's been caught by one of the oldest tricks in the book his mouth hangs open in shock. Rolling out of the ring O'Hara boasts at the win as his hand is raised, putting Blonde into further shock. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... JJJAAAAMMMMIIIEEEE OOO'HHHHHAAAAARRRRAAAAA!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" BLONDE NO NO NO NO NO!! The Trendsetter throws a mini-tantrum in the ring as he realises just what he's done, before sitting up on his knees and holding his head in his hands. The mocking from the crowd doesn't make things any better for him, leaving him on the verge of tears. COLE I guess this is a valuable lesson for James Blonde not to count your chickens before they've hatched. Or your Cucarachas, as it were. And if Landon wasn't in a bad mood already, how do you think he feels now? COACH Oh, don't. Just... just don't. Picking himself up and ashamed looking Blonde rolls out of the ring, dreading the embarrassment he's sure to face when he comes face to face with Landon again. He shoos away the cameras trying to film him as we fade into LATER TONIGHT HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~! MISTER DICK Vs KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT JOSH MATTHEWS SPEAKS WITH THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER ALFDOGG NEXT!

i have a pair of pants with a hole in the crotch and sometimes i like to look at people and feel myself and they dont know but i know very well

Krista Isadora Duncan Vs The Human Hard On Mister Dick W/Malaysia Nerdly The set! The poster is kind of like an arcade game, actually its just ripped off of space invaders, so you'll be entering through an upright cabinet arcade game designed like the poster (which will be on HD), you'll actually be coming through doors in the monitor which are surrounded by an image of an 8 bit space battle like space invaders. The stage is decorated with two joysticks on either side, and two buttons next to each joystick, and the floor is a painting of dramatic outer space dogfight. I think the arena is called the gund arena, AND FUCK LEBROOM LAMES, LWO IS STILL TAKING OVER THIS SHIT, DON'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YA'LL BITCHES. BASKETBALL SEASON IS SOON, AND THE LAKE SHOW IS PUTTING IN WORK! ALL YA'LL HATERS AND DOUBTERS IS BOUT TO GET IT! GET ON THE BANDWAGON MY NIGGAS THIS SHIT IS REAL! LAKERS IN 09 WHAT YA'LL NIGGAS WANT FROM ME? send everrrrrything to paaaaaatttttty o greeeeeeen king of the LWO!

HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~! Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Mister Dick, with special guest judges as selected by Mister Dick. hmmm posting in these threads is still like talking to myself which I do a lot of anyway, but typing to yourself, well that's crazy and a waste of finger power!

mmmmmmmm i ain't heard from or nothin in a day or two, but he did mention that "he missed out on his chance to feud with Colombian Heat" so actually I bet he would go for something.

My man Dr.Z has charged me with a task of utmost import! Fait attention, s'il vous plait! His number one guy Jerme Grey is minus a feud after the Halloween Spectacular and has nothing to do. zip zilch nada. and he's findin' for ME action. So he wanted me personally to talk to ya'll and see if dudes were cool and down with dropping the OAOAST world title to Grey at some point in the future after HS, or at the very least feuding with him over it. I assume anything has gotta see him turning heel, tho. So what's hood, nigguh????

!!

COLE Well folks, it's time for our main event, and since PRL is involved, Coach is not, so I'm happy to be joined right now by Jesse "The Body" Ventura! VENTURA What a tag team match this is going to be, Michael Cole! The World and United States champion on one side, the Heartland champ and the former three-time World heavyweight champion on the other! COLE Let's not wait any longer, here's Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...it is time for our main event of the evening! Tonight, a star-studded tag team match, featuring three of the OAOAST's singles titleholders, as well as a former three-time champion of the World. ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Boise, Idaho...ARRRRRRRRRRRRRE YOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYY??? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Boise...and the millions and millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE!!!!! The Wall by Kansas hits, and Alfdogg makes his way through the curtains, followed by Sandman9000. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...at a combined weight of 457 pounds! The Deadly Alliance is a unit of four, but the name aptly describes this duo, as well. Ladies and gentlemen...the team representing the Deadly Alliance...first, the OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN NNNNNNNNN NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! And his partner...the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOGG!!!!! VENTURA Well, Cole, Zero Hour will be the one-year anniversary of Sandman9000's Heartland title reign, but Colombian Heat's reign may not make it that far, as we heard earlier tonight, he defends his United States title against Alfdogg right here next week! Alf enters the ring and does his pose, as Sandman removes his bandanas. *BANG BANG* "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" begins playing. A lightning bolt hits the entrance. Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. The lights go down in the arena. Spotlights circle around and around the arena. Smoke fills the entrance stage. The entrance doors slide open, and The Badd Boyz come out to a loud pop from the crowd, wearing their Badd Boyz shirts. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt strapped around his waist. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST United States Championship belt strapped around his waist. Both men play to the crowd. They each throw up the "Killa B" for their fans. The Badd Boyz point to both sides of the arena, and then walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Uh, uh, uh, now let's get it all in perspective For all y'all enjoyment, a song y'all can step wit' Y'all appointed me to bring rap justice But I ain't five-O, y'all know it's Nas yo Grey goose and a whole lotta hydro Only describe us as soldier survivors Stay laced in the best, well dressed with finesse in a white tee lookin for wifie Thug girl who fly and talks so nicely Put her in the coupe so she can feel the nice breeze We can drive thru the city no doubt, but don't say my car's topless Say the titties is out, newness here's the anthem Put your hand up that you shoot with, count your loot wit' Push the pool stick in your new crib, same hand that you hoop with Swing around like you stu-pid, king'a the town, yeah I been that You know I click-clack where you and yor men's at Do the Smurf, do the Wop, Baseball Bat Rooftop like we bringing '88 back They shootin'! -- Aw made you look You a slave to a page in my rhyme book Gettin' Big/"big" money, playboy your time's up Where them gangstas? Where them dimes at? They shootin'! -- Aw made you look You a slave to a page in my rhyme book Gettin' Big/"big" money, playboy your time's up Where them gangstas at? Where them dimes at? BUFFER And their opponents, coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 400 pounds. The One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooorrrllllllllllddddddddddddd! THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Together, they are known as THE BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Tha Puerto Rican walks around the ringside area slapping hands with the fans. Heat does so too. Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican climb up the ring steps and then get onto the ring apron. They both wipe their feet on the ring apron. PRL does The People's Eyebrow. Colombian Heat hops over the top rope and into the ring. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans' cheers while "Made You Look" by Nas continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while Colombian Heat stands behind him doing the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal. Pyro goes off behind them. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat unstraps the OAOAST United States Championship belt from around his waist and then gets on the ropes. He throws up the "W" with his right hand and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. PRL unstraps the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from around his waist and then gets onto a second turnbuckle and proceeds to raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand while he "smells the electricity" as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. PRL hops off of the second turnbuckle. He calls for a microphone. Colombian Heat raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt into the air. Tha Puerto Rican has a microphone in his left hand. "Made You Look" by Nas dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL has a smile on his face. He slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Colombian Heat continues getting the crowd fired up. Heat slings the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his right shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Boise, Idaho, WELCOME TO THE BADD BOYZ SHOW! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN We said we would return, and we did! The Badd Boyz are in FULL EFFECT HERE IN BOISE! (CHEAP POP!) THA PUERTO RICAN So for all you haters out there, you better listen up. Because The Badd Boyz ain't going NOWHERE! We can't be stopped now! YOU GOT THAT ALFDOGG AND SANDMAN9000!? We're the Badd Boyz and we stick together! We ride together. We die together. WE'RE BADD BOYZ 4-LIFE! The crowd cheers. PRL hands the microphone over to Colombian Heat. COLOMBIAN HEAT Dat's right, mang! Dat's right! My man's speakin' tha truth! Ya heard? Now everrybody in Boise, if you're down wit tha Badd Boyz, throw up your 'Killa B's' a'ight!? DO IT! The thousands in attendance make a "B" with their fingers or the "Killa B", the international sign for The Badd Boyz. COLOMBIAN HEAT A'ight then. Youse got it! Now, if all of y'all are ready to see tha OAOAST United States Champion AND the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion make Alfdogg and Sandman9000 and tha rest of tha Deadly Alliance if they want it feel the Heat...then Boise, Idaho, make...some...noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!" The crowd cheers loudly! PRL smiles. COLOMBIAN HEAT DAMMMMMMMMN RIGHT! Colombian Heat smiles. He gives the microphone back to a ringside attendant. Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and earring from his left ear and hands them over to the ringside attendant. Colombian Heat hands his sunglasses over to the ringside attendant. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat discuss stragety, as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* VENTURA Well, that speech was exciting, but it's going to take more than the approval of these people here in Boise to make Alfdogg and Sandman9000 "feel the Heat!" Sandman and PRL step out, leaving Alf and Heat to start the match. COLE And a little preview of the match we're going to see next week! Alf and Heat circle the ring, then Alf stops, and backs off, before pointing to PRL on the apron. VENTURA No, Alf saying he wants a preview of Zero Hour! But the question is, does PRL want that preview? COLE You bet he does! Alf waves at PRL to "bring it", so Heat holds his hand out, looking out to the fans, who roar in approval. COLE And so do the fans! Heat obliges, and tags in PRL! COLE There it is! VENTURA Yeah! PRL steps in, and he and Alf have a brief staredown from across the ring, before circling the ring and tying up. Alf immediately goes to the eyes, then throws a right hand, which is blocked! A left hand, blocked! A kick, but PRL catches the foot, spins Alf around 360 degrees, and executes an inverted atomic drop! Alf staggers into the wrong corner, where Heat delivers a right hand! COLE And now some back and forth action! PRL delivers a right hand! Right hand Heat! Right hand PRL! Right hand Heat, and Alf goes down! COLE Alf in trouble early in this one! PRL picks up Alf and whips him into the ropes, then catches him with a flying forearm! PRL then tags in Heat, who joins PRL in a double Irish whip, as they floor Alf with a double clothesline! They immediately follow that up with a double elbowdrop! VENTURA The referee needs to do something about this illegal double-teaming! PRL steps to the outside, as Heat picks up Alf, and rams him into the buckle as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Heat then tags PRL back in, and holds Alf for him. PRL delivers a kick to the gut, then whips Alf into a corner, and executes a Stinger Splash! He then climbs to the top rope, and hits Alf with THE PEOPLE'S AXE~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! PRL picks up Alf, and delivers a scoop slam! He then runs to the ropes...but runs into a knee from Sandman! COLE And Sandman with a cheap shot from the outside! This draws Heat into the ring to argue the point with the referee, which in turn allows Sandman to step in and pick up PRL, executing an STO as Alf sweeps the legs out from the mat! VENTURA And look at that double-team move behind the back of the official! Alf covers PRL as the referee turns around... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf rises to his knees, then tags in Sandman. COLE And Sandman now with his first LEGAL appearance in this match! Sandman stomps away at PRL, until he's under the ropes. He then steps on the bottom rope, causing it to choke PRL, as the referee counts. Sandman breaks, then picks up PRL, executing a snapmare, and following it up with a seated dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman starts to pick up PRL, but PRL fires off rights to the gut! COLE And look at the World champion fight back! PRL then manages to back Sandman into the ropes, where Alf tags himself in. COLE Alf the legal man now, I don't think PRL knows it! PRL attempts an Irish whip, but Sandman reverses, as Alf steps into the ring, and catches PRL with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And Alf with a big-time spinebuster! VENTURA This could be it here, Cole! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Alf picks up PRL, and executes a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf then hooks PRL in a sleeper! VENTURA Sleeper! COLE Alf looking to make the World champion go to sleep! Alf eventually forces PRL down to the mat, and the referee checks the arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but PRL holds through on the third lift! PRL fights his way back up, and drives in an elbow! And another! And a third! PRL then runs to the ropes, ducks a clothesline, before he and Alf clothesline each other! VENTURA Whoa, they clotheslined each other! Both men lay on the mat, as the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! PRL then turns to his side, as does Alf a couple seconds later. PRL inches towards his corner, and Alf works his way to his feet, opting instead of a tag to try and stop PRL, to no avail, as he makes the tag to Heat! COLE Tag made, and Colombian Heat in there! Heat delivers right hands to Alf, then whips him into a corner, catching him coming out with a big dropkick! He then whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a backdrop! Heat then climbs to the top rope... COLE And Colombian Heat could be going for it all here! Heat comes off with a Missile Dropick, followed by a Spinaroonie~! COLE Colombian Heat on fire! Heat delivers kicks to Alf, then whips him into a corner, and charges...but Alf moves out of the way! VENTURA He telegraphed that move, though! Alf grabs Heat and attempts to ram Heat's head into the turnbuckle, but Heat blocks, and rams Alf's head in instead! Heat then runs to the ropes, but Alf catches him with a clothesline, then tags in Sandman! COLE And now Sandman9000 back in once again! Sandman approaches Heat, and delivers BOOT SCRAPES~!, then executes a rib-breaker and heads to the top rope. COLE And now it's Sandman headed upstairs! Sandman scores with a senton bomb from the top rope! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Sandman executes a snap suplex, then tags Alf back in. Alf strips Heat of his jersey and undershirt, then sets him up in a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Heat sinks in the corner and shields his chest, but Alf lifts him up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then slams Heat to the mat, and climbs to the mat, as Heat gets to his feet. He leaps off... ...but gets caught with a PELE KICK~! COLE Heat with a Pele Kick! VENTURA And I think he should tag out here, Cole! Heat inches towards his corner, and makes the tag! COLE And the champ back in once again! PRL fires away on Alf, then attempts an Irish whip. Alf blocks, but PRL pulls him back in for a LATIN SLAM~! COLE The Latin Slam! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! PRL picks up Alf, and delivers a scoop slam, then ascends the top rope. He stops to remove his left elbowpad and toss it into the crowd, then comes off the top rope with the PEOPLE'S ELBOW DROP~!!! COLE The People's Elbowdrop! Will that do it? 1... 2... ...NO! Sandman makes the save! Heat springs in and goes after Sandman, knocking him to the floor, then running to the ropes and following him out with a HANDS-FREE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE Heat flying to the outside onto Sandman! Meanwhile in the ring, PRL hits a flying forearm on Alf, then kips up! VENTURA Uh-oh! COLE Could be the beginning of the end for Alf here! PRL backs into the corner, and stomps his foot, then as Alf comes around, sets up SWEET CHIN MUSIC...but Alf ducks, then hits a SUPERKICK of his own! COLE But no, it's Alf scoring with the kick! VENTURA And now Alf going to the top! Alf scales the ropes, as PRL is still down...and scores with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf hit it! Alf hooks the near leg... 1... 2... 3!!! VENTURA He got him! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match...the team representing the Deadly Alliance...SSSSSSSSSSSSANDMAN NINE THOUSAND and ALFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! VENTURA What do you got to say now, Michael Cole? That fall was fair and square, in the middle of the ring! COLE Unfortunately for Alf, the title was not on the line, but it will be in 17 days at Zero Hour! Alf gloats in the ring, until Heat comes in and begins to trade blows with him! Sandman rolls into the ring, and holds Heat from behind as Alf delivers right hands and chops. Meanwhile, PRL begins to come to, making his way to all fours...when he is met with a chairshot to the back from Thunderkid! COLE And now Thunderkid and Reject out here! TK and Reject stomp away on PRL, as Alf grabs another chair from ringside, and slides it into Reject, who places it over the arm of PRL. COLE Oh, no... Reject then grabs the other chair from TK. COLE We saw Reject break the wrist of Jumbo last week, putting him on the shelf with this same move, and now looking to do it to the World champion just weeks before his big match with Alf! Reject raises the chair in the air, but Heat lunges and tackles him to the mat! And naturally, then gets stomped down by the other three DA members. VENTURA Obviously the Deadly Alliance attempting to send a message just 2 1/2 weeks before Zero Hour! Alf rolls to the outside, as Sandman hooks PRL, and drives him into the mat with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 Alf then comes out from under the ring with a WEED WHACKER~! COLE Oh, God, this is going too far! Get somebody out here! Alf slides into the ring with the weed whacker, but is confronted by the referee, which prompts him to clothesline the referee in the chest with the weapon! COLE And now assaulting officials! Alf whispers something to TK, who exits the ring and heads to the back. VENTURA Now where's TK going? COLE Who knows. Reject turns PRL over onto his stomach, as Alf fires up the weed whacker. However, Heat crawls over slowly, and shields PRL from the attack. Alf looks down at Heat, as TK arrives with a big bucket. COLE TK out here with a bucket, and God only knows what's in that thing! Alf then looks up at Sandman, and passes the weed whacker over to him. Without much hesitation, Sandman starts it up, and USES IT ON THE BACK OF COLOMBIAN HEAT! VENTURA COLE Sandman9000 using that weed whacker on the back of Colombian Heat! I can't believe this! Get help out there, NOW! Heat screams in pain, as Sandman finally lifts it up, and the camera zooms in on the lacerations on his back. VENTURA This is gruesome, Michael Cole. Look at that back! COLE This is heinous on the part of Sandman9000 and the Deadly Alliance! TK pushes the bucket into the ring, then rolls inside and picks it up. Reject sticks his finger inside, and immediately pulls it back, shaking it like crazy. VENTURA Well, whatever that substance is must be very hot! Alf stomps PRL, as TK grabs a candle out of his pocket, and dunks it into the bucket. COLE Jesse, I...I think that's candle wax that's in that bucket! TK hands the bucket off to Sandman, then drips a small amount of the wax into one of the wounds on the back of Heat! COLE And putting it in the opened flesh of Colombian Heat! Officials finally arive, as Alf holds them off with the weed whacker, while Reject drops down and grabs Heat in a front facelock, as Sandman DUMPS THE CONTENTS OF THE BUCKET ONTO HEAT'S WOUNDED BACK! COLE/VENTURA Heat quivers on the mat, as Alf drops the weed whacker, and all four Deadly Alliance members stand around Heat, looking down on him and smiling. COLE Four sick, disgusting individuals in that ring right now. VENTURA I'll tell you what...it's a rarity that the Body is at a loss for words...but I just don't know what to say about this. Alf then slides to the outside, and grabs PRL's title belt, as well as the Heartland title belt, sliding in as TK and Reject "help" the champ to his feet, only for Alf to send him crashing back down to the mat with a beltshot! Alf then stands over PRL, as Sandman stands to his right, Reject to his left, and TK to Reject's left, and raises the World title with his right hand, while Sandman, TK and Reject do the same with their own belts. Meanwhile, EMTs load Heat carefully onto a stretcher as he continues to wiggle and make pained noises, and rush him as fast as they can to a waiting ambulance. COLE Folks, this could very well be the scene after Zero Hour, each member of the Deadly Alliance in posession of a title belt...and possibly the career of Colombian Heat after their heinous actions tonight. For Jesse "The Body" Ventura, for The Coach, I'm Michael Cole...we'll see you next week. Alf bends over and holds the belt in the face of the unconscious PRL as the show fades to black. FADE TO BLACK

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY MEANING NOT YOU, PUSSY. GO WATCH JIMMY NEUTRON AND TRADE POKEMON LITTLE BITCH. PRESENTED IN HD Chamillionaire's Ultimate Victory pllays as we see the opening video! JOSIE BAKER!~!~! The OAOAST President sits at her desk, leaning back, reading some memos. A burning cigarette hangs out of his mouth as she glances over it. The door suddenly opens slowly, causing Josie to look up...and her stoic face is replaced with a glowing smile! The camera pans over to show.... SOPHIE GREY!! Josie stubs out her cigarette as she stands, almost bounding towards her cousin, who has been noticeably absent since her horrid attack by the IRA. Josie and Sophie hug tightly. JOSIE Sophie! Comment allez-vous, mon beau cousin? SOPHIE J'étais bon, propriétaire... Je suis ai secoué toujours ascendant. JOSIE Bien, pour la bonne raison. Vous serez heureux de savoir, Colin Maguire, Sr n'avez pas été vu dans une heure complètement certaine. -Almost as if it was scripted...which it's not...wrestlings real... ... ... almost as if it was scripted, in walks the man himself. A chorus of boos ring through the arena as the door swings open, revealing Colin Maguire, Sr.! As usual, he is flanked by Gillpatrick, Callahan, and his Golden Boy, Colin Maguire, Jr. Sophie backs up a bit, trying to hide behind Josie. This makes Maguire chuckle. MAGUIRE Now ain't that the cutest ting you've evah seen, Mickey? She's scared of me. Why is that, sweet'art? -Sophie glares at Maguire, before saying the only English words the OAOAST fans have ever heard her say: SOPHIE Fuck You. -The fans erupt as Maguire's smile fades. His lips curl into an angry sneer as he inches closer. MAGUIRE You suck yer brother with that mouth, sweet'art? Let me tell you something... JOSIE NO! Let ME - YOUR employer - tell YOU something! This shit with you and your little team has gone on long enough! This shit that you're pulling might work with your little "buddies" back in Boston and New York, but that shit don't fly in the OAOAST! You wanna intimidate ME? Go right ahead. You wanna intimidate Jereme? That's more than welcome...but you attacking an innocent woman to try and show how fucking tough you are is where I draw the line! -Maguire's smile returns as he and the gang laugh. MAGUIRE I think you're forgetting your place, little Jo-Jo. In the past, my family did YOUR family a favor and helped your shit-heel junkie brother-in-law Austin to get off the needle. You owe us. JOSIE That debts been paid, Colin. -Josie and Maguire are now face to face, their eyes locked on one another. Their looks couldn't be more different, though. Josie has a look of pure hatred, while CMS looks to be having fun. MAGUIRE In my eyes, Little Girl...you're nowhere near paying that fuckin' debt. -Josie is fuming as the fans boo. Maguire chuckles to himself before backing up a step. MAGUIRE Besides...your little "thug" bodyguards are in Japan, are they not? The only person that you have to protect you is that little crepe sucker, Jereme. I think you need to watch your mouth and learn your place. -The two continue to stare for a few moments, before Josie smirks and steps back. She sits down on her desk and crosses her legs, still staring at Maguire. JOSIE You know...at first, I was kinda scared when Curtis and 9-Mill left for Japan. I was. I was scared because you and your gang are vicious fucking animals. -CMJ smirks and looks over at Callahan, who is grinning like an idiot. The two slap hands and KNUCKS!~ as Maguire nods. JOSIE And you know what? You're right. I DO need protection from you guys. And he's here tonight. -The fans erupt!! A small, inaudible chant rises as CMS and the gang look taken aback. CALLAHAN Who is it? MAGUIRE ...Paddy...shut the fuck up... -Josie smirks. Her little announcement has obviously made her arch enemy flustered. JOSIE ...Would you like to know who it is?... -She stands slowly and leans toward CMS, a bitchy grin plastered on her face. JOSIE ...Mr. Maguire? -It's now CMS who is fuming. He's been made a fool of in front of his son and associates. Josie steps forward and begins walking around her desk, looking over her shoulder at The IRA. JOSIE ...Go out to the ring after the next match...I'll tell ya then. -Josie sits down at her desk next to a grinning Sophie. Josie looks down at some papers as she leans back, lighting up a cigarette. She suddenly looks up at Maguire, a completely serious look on her face. JOSIE ...Oh, we're done here. -The fans erupt as Maguire turns and stomps out, followed closely by his team, who slam the door on their way out. The camera faaaaaaades.... COMMERCIAL

As with 85% of our show, we're taken to the backstage area. But, there's no signs of the typical locker rooms, catering tables, or interview lounges. At this moment, we're inside a room that could pace for one inside a pricey resort spa. Candles are strewn about to room to create a feeling of serenity and provide a soft unique humming light. Red rose petals lie about the crown adding their own crimson beauty to the area. Inside a hot tub is none other than the brazen muscle stud, Mister Dick. Sitting next to him, massaging his beautiful naked physique is Malaysia Nerdly. Her own alluring body and well defined muscles shrouded by the numerous bubbles in the pool. Basking in the pleasure Malaysia's touch provides his soft skin, The Human Hard on sips a glass of Merlot. Sitting on the edge of the tub, fully clothed in a red dress, is Melissa Nerdly. She looks none to pleased to have to be in a room that features her naked sister and the often aggravating and equally naked Mister Dick. Regardless she conducts the interview with professionalism and class. MELISSA Greetings one and all, I'm Melissa Nerdly with your backstage interview! Tonight, I'm sitting with the hottest superstar on HeldDOWN~! No its not who you might think... MALAYSIA What does that mean, exactly? Not who you might think? I know I'm in the tub with the hottest and hardest superstar on HeldDOWN, isn't that right, Mister Dick? Malaysia reaches beneath the bubbles and gives the Human Hard On's neither reigions such a hard squeeze he yelps in horror. MISTER DICK Yes, Mistress. It sure is. Melissa Nerdly, because you're the sister of the good friend to my left, I wanna apologize for my rudeness, and my unbecoming like ways last week. I am a gentlemen of the first water, and my mama always told me not to be one to disrespect no ladies, so lemme give you this as a peacekeeping offerin and whatnot... Mister Dick plucks a rose from a nearby vase, and casually chucks at Melissa. She's more annoyed than placated and scoffs at this offering. MALAYSIA Thank him, Melissa. Or do we have to another lesson in manners like when you were a girl? Remember how much you cried and how much you screamed? But you always said thank you when I let you out the harness. You were the best submissive a big sister could ask for. MELSSIA Uh, thanks for the rose, Mister Dick. MISTER DICK Its my pleasure to do the kind and right thing. And lemme offer you a heart felt thank you for keepin your clothes on right now. Because, I got an eye doctor appointment, and yer fat Edmonton heffer donkey titties could blind me from here until the rapture. Ha-Ha! I can't see, doctor, I can't see, the cow done blinded me! She done ambushed me and she done melted my eyes with her saggy breastes! Ha-ha! Son, now just read this chart from left to right, left to right, and tell me what letters you see. All I see is the donkey titities, the horrible donkey titties of Melissa Nerdly! She looks like Eddie Murphy from Shrek! Melissa groans and wonders why oh why she didn't take that job at Fox News. Pretending to be a moronic right wing bigot has nothing on this! MISTER DICK Malaysia over here don't like to talk all that much besides gruntin, moanin, purrin, screaming my name, and making the ocassional threats, but she did speak some words of warning to The Human Hard On about you. Firstly and foremostly, she told me that last year you were gonna get hitched to a rich rodeo promoter out there in Cal-gary. But, you left a life of riches and bull ridin behind, holdin out hope you could win my hand in love and marriage. But, you could no sooner tie the knot with me than the man on the moon. MELISSA I've never been engaged, Malaysia, and I think you know that! MISTER DICK I didn't ask you to correct me, I asked you to tell me how it feels to know that the only thing that separates you from God's favorite twelve inches is a couple of bubbles. I can see the sparkle in yer eyes every time one of those bubbles pops. Its like unwrapping a present on christmas morning and getting the biggest yule log in santa's workshop. But, I ain't here to talk about your peverted nature, and neither is you. I ain't trynna compliment you or nothin, but you could probably wife up one of these spineless cuckolds 'round these parts like Baron Windells or MARV and MEL. I know they yer brothers and all that crap, but just close your eyes, sing my theme song and pretend the Cocky Prick is giving you the dick! To that, Jock picks up his wine glass and toasts the camera with a wide, devious smile. He then pours some of wine down his chest, letting the expensive liquid slither down his well formed beefy pecs as masks himself in a lecherous grin. His grin fades and his mouth explodes with full orgasmic cries of pleasure as Malaysia begins eagerly gulping up the alcohol of his smooth skin. As you can't have liquor on an empty stomach, she digs her teeth deep into his nipples, causing him to cry out in a mixture of anguish and rapture. MALAYSIA Want a taste? MELISSA That's an appealing offer, but uh....I'll pass. MALAYSIA Oh well, more for me. MISTER DICK You gotta understand somethin now, Mister Dick ain't cut out for marriage, see. Its got nothin' to do with control or nothin' or havin a woman in charge of me, I ain't got no problem bein' whipped just ask Malaysia. Malaysia nods with a sly smile, and one can only imagine what she's remembering back to. MISTER DICK But, I ain't about to limit these twelve inches to one bitch, that'd be a crime against god almighty like abortion or bein' Japanese. Of course Krista can go on and think about marrying Alix, she ain't lusted after by every woman old enough to get hot enough. She might like to think she is, her hanger ons might tell her she is, but she ain't. She ain't no sooner lusted after than a horse lusts after a piece of hay that feel out a cow's ass. Whereas I am. I don't have option the option wife up just one chick like Krista. I'm a real hot dude, oozing real hot hardness, and women line up to empty their bank account to taste my red meat. My condo, my two cars, my everything, all came from bad bitches. My lifestyle and my money comes from what my body brought to me. Can Krista say that? MELISSA Um, as a fitness expert and former model...yes she can. MISTER DICK There you go just eating up all that bullshitt, Miss Piggy! They serve you a plate of it, and you go “Yum yum, some bullshit!” and you eat it right up. Just because I don't got a Hollywood hot shot agent to prostitute me to magazines or TV shows ya'll think that she's something hotter? Ya'll thinking wrong again. I am a well desired, damn hot man, buff, young and hung like a Chrysler. Beneath all that makeup Krista's got more wrinkles on her than yer cottage cheese ass, Melissa, and more plastic than a bag of ziplock. But me? I take off my shirt and the world comes to a stop! Imagine what's happening right now, with me in this tub, naked, hard as brick, and horny as a toad. Channels are changing, kids are being neglected, wars are stopping, because the entire world is now starting to turn on the human hard on. And think in terms of the bedroom, Krista is a prissy, dolled up little princess who's gonna be more worried about messing up her hair, then about throwing it on ya like its yer last day on the planet. I am a big ball of hot, ripped, toned, and tight man-sex wrapped up and ready to go and soon to be the object of lust for millions all around the world! You gonna get empirical irrefutable evidence of it next week on the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN~! MALAYSIA I can't wait to take out that Spank me Santa kit I got last Christmas and bend her over my knee, so I can find out what a naughty girl she's been. Ooooooh I can see it now, and its making me very hot. Her Barbie doll body trapped on my knees, crying and whimpering, begging me to stop, and me hitting her harder and harder, watching those beautiful naked reddened ass cheeks jump and jiggle with each stinging bite. If you're lucky, Melissa, I may let you put the nipple clamps on her. MELISSA Um...um....uh....so, uh....Mister Dick, you also made sure that Krista put the Money In The Bank briefcase on the line as well. MISTER DICK Well of course I did, I ain't stupid or nothin! Who do I look like, Baron Windells runnin a wheel chair race at the Special Olympics? If I'm gonna give billions the world over the treat of my dickzillia bulging through skin tight, soaking wet speedos, I damn well better get some tasty treat in return. As it happens I'm getting half a million treats, and a guaranteed world title shot. Plus, here's somethin' else for ya, when I get ahold of that shiny beautiful world title, I'ma bare it all and do a Playgirl pictorial that's gonna put HBK's old one to shame. Mister Dick starts to turn over in the tub, a position that would cause his BUTT cheeks to rise from the water. But at the last second he changes his mind, and remains with his back pressed against the marble, smirking a teasing sort of smirk as if to say its not time for that fabulous ass shot. MELISSA Moving on! I understand you have another piece of news to share with us, Mister Dick? MISTER DICK That I most certainly do! I got the abs of a mister Olympia and the cerebral cortex of a Harvard grad. I know how to get ahead in this world, and I know how to get head in this world. I'll be gettin' one of the two at Zero Hour, I tell you that right now. Because, earlier today in the office of one Josie Baker I put pen to paper and I signed a contract to face Krista Isadora Duncan at Zero Hour in a one on one rasslin match. I am a man of impossible beauty and I am a man doin impossible things! I'm gonna beat Krista at her so-called own game in a posedown and take her Money In The Bank contract. And when Zero Hour rolls around, I'm gonna cement myself in the history books and be the first man on earth to beat Krista 1 on 1. Ned may've gotten her pregnant, but he ain't laid the dick on her like The Cocky Prick! Mister Dick toasts to his upcoming crowning achievements, then sips on his vintage Merlot. Fine wine is only one of his pleasures as Malaysia submerges herself beneath the water to treat herself to a 12 inch all beef sub. The Human Hard On hollers in utter, decadent splendor as Melissa tries to wrap up the interview ASAP. MELISSA HeldDOWN PoseDOWN between Mister Dick and Miss Money In The Bank Krista Isadora Duncan! Next week! The camera cuts to the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set where The Badd Boyz, Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, are standing by with Josh Matthews. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST United States Championship over his right shoulder. JOSH MATTHEWS Badd Boyz, in just a couple of moments, you two will be in the ring for our main event taking on two of the four members of the Deadly Alliance in Alfdogg and Sandman9000. Both of you guys will meet these two men seperately in two different matches coming up at Zero Hour, P.R., you will be defending the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Alfdogg, and Colombian Heat, you will be involved in the Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell IV Match for the OAOAST Heartland Championship. With all this in mind, how are you two feeling? Josh Matthews put the microphone to Tha Puerto Rican's lips. The crowd cheers loudly. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" THA PUERTO RICAN At long last...after all this time...THE CHAMP IS HERE IN BOISE! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN And so I go from one challenge straight to another! That is the life of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Alfdogg thought that he had the PERFECT plan bumrushing me, cashing in on his favour from Josie Baker and trying to beat me after Brickston DRILLED me with the Killswitch! BUT, Alfdogg just became another in the long line of One And Only AngleSault Thread superstars who have fallen to the P.R. Nightmare! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN So now it seems like Alfdogg wants to have ANOTHER P.R. Nightmare by challenging me to a match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at Zero Hour on September 28th. Well, Alfdogg, I welcome the challenge! You see, Alfdogg, I haven't been ducking you. I haven't been trying to avoid another one-on-one meeting between the two of us. It's just simply that you haven't asked for a shot! Oh sure, you've been making idle threats since April. But that's all they were. Idle threats. If you were a real man, you would have come up to me and said, 'P.R., I want a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!' You wanted a shot? You would have gotten it! But no. Instead, you attacked me at my most vulnerable and NEARLY got away with it if it weren't for the fact that I am just SOOOOOO much better than you, Alfdogg! Colombian Heat chuckles at this. THA PUERTO RICAN At least now you wanna do it when I'm at my strongest. And yes, you have beaten me before. But Tha Puerto Rican you beat for the OAOAST Puerto Rican Championship is NOT, I repeat, NOT the same PRL that will step into the ring with you tonight AND at Zero Hour! This is a focused Puerto Rican, a determined Puerto Rican, and a Puerto Rican who stands before you today the MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AND YOUR ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN Alf, don't let the past make you think that you have a bright future ahead of you! I see only storm clouds on the horizon, and come September 28th, the lightning will strike. And this time, it WILL hit you! Alfdogg, you are about to suffer a P.R. Nightmare. Again. Colombian Heat forces Josh to put the microphone under his lips. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hey yo, peep dis. Alfdogg, I's knows how you and yo' crew roll. But see, we ain't scarred of dat. We're the Badd Boyz of tha OAOAST. We invented dat ish, homie! The Lightning Crew ruled the OAOAST when people thought of you as the lowest drawing Champion in OAOAST history! Just cuz you got backup don't mean nothin'. And it WON'T mean dat you will be beatin' me next week to win mah U.S. Title! Uh-uh, son! Homie don't play dat. The Badd Boyz are gonna lay tha smackdown on you and your boy Sandman9000 dis week, and then next week I'ma make you feel the Heat on tha solo tip, ya heard me? So, get ready for tha ass-whooping of a lifetime courtesy of your boi Colombian Heat and his main man, PRL. And Sandman9000, I'ma comin' straight for you at Zero Hour and addin' the Heartland Championship to my collection! Gonna turn it into the Colombian Championship! That sounds fly, don't it? HA! HA! So yeah, Deadly Alliance chumps, Alfie, The Badd Boyz is gettin' ready to make a little noise, belee dat! Feel me! THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMPS HAVE SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat high five each other and then leave the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set. Josh Matthews watches them leave. JOSH MATTHEWS Guys, back to you. Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman removes his headset and jumps over the barricade! He runs through the crowd, and gets garbage thrown his way as he does so. COLE Coach running away like a chicken must mean that Tha Puerto Rican is about to come out! Or to be more specific, The BADD BOYZ are about to come out! And they will take on Alfdogg and Sandman9000, who are representing the Deadly Alliance! It is our main event and it is coming up next! NEXT WEEK HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~! NEXT WEEK COMMERCIAL

COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, Michael Cole as ever alongside The Coach and thank you once again for spending your Thursday night with us. Still to come later on we've got The Badd Boys in action against Alfdogg and Sandman9000 in our mega main-event... and... I'm hearing there's something going on backstage. Have we got a camera back there? Conveniently enough we do! What luck! What that camera picks up is Christian Wright running through the corridors of the arena, pursued by The Meterosexual Monster! COLE Bohemoth must have been chasing Wright this whole time! COACH Get somebody back there already, who knows what this psychopath is capable of! Out of breath from the lengthy run for his life, Wright stumbles up against a catering table and throws the contents on the floor in a vain attempt to provide an obstacle for the bigman. Turning corners and dodging in and out of corridors, CW takes a sharp left and disappears out of view for a second. Bohemoth wades through the obstacles, including a trash can thrown in his path and turns the left to find... no-one. BOHEMOTH Come on you son of a bitch! Bohemoth looks around and to little surprise sees no-one coming out to face him. Kicking open a door, he looks inside the room, again finding no-one. As he storms back out, Bohemoth then comes to a stop as he sees an ajar door, helpfully labelled 'Boiler Room'. COLE Uh-oh. Bohemoth marches over and pulls the door open... ...and as he disappears inside, we suddenly hear a clattering sound from inside. The sounds continue, no real clue as to what's causing them until the door opens up a little and the cameraman bravely risks a shot inside, to find Bohemoth being attacked by CPA AND DETECTIVE BOSLEY!! COLE HEY! It was a setup! With CPA putting the boots in, Bosley using his telescopic police baton to dish out some police brutality and a crumpled trash can strewn near them, Bohemoth is beaten defenceless. In the background Christian Wright can be seen catching his breath after his lengthy escape. Bohemoth tries to get to his feet to fight back but under the barrage of stomps he simply can't. Once he's suitably weakened, CPA pulls him to his knees and holds his arms behind his back while Bosley goes to work with the baton. BOSLEY HOW'D'YA LIKE THAT, HUH!? C'MON ASSHOLE! HOW'D'YA LIKE THE FEEL OF JUSTICE! Bohemoth's torso wears the red marks from the baton as he's shoved unceremoniously to the ground by CPA. BOSLEY YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!! With Bo defenceless, Wright motions to VICE and they begin to drag him towards CW. His face and body screeches and squeals being dragged against the slick floor just adding to the punishment. VICE deliver Bo to CW's feet and he looks down at his former bodyguard with contempt, before SPITTING ON HIM! Bosley laughs it up at seeing that, until Bo suddenly threatens to spring to life, at which point he has to jump in with CPA and CW to subdue him down him once more. WRIGHT Restrain him! Doing just that, Bosley and CPA hold an arm a-piece as Bo is left helpless. They drag him a few feet forward while CW picks up a big WRENCH. BOSLEY YEAH! DO YOUR DAMN THING! CW pats the wrench in his hand a couple of times, lining Bo up, before taking a swing... *CLUNK* ...at a pipe next to him, sending a shot of red-hot STEAM right into Bohemoth's face!!! Bo cries out in pain with no way to guard his face with his arms restrained. The cruel VICE squad hold him for at least ten agonising seconds in the boiling steam before they throw him down, leaving Bo to cover his face with more pained shouts. Smirking down at him, Wright throws the wrench away, the metal echoing around the boiler room, silent except for Bosley's powerful laugh as the trio leave. COLE What a reprehensible attack, a sickening attack by the members of The Enterprise! And we need some help if anyone back there can hear me, because they could easily have blinded Bohemoth. COACH Good! At least that way, that wandering eye of his won't be falling on any other unsuspecting women from now on. COLE Give me a break. COMMERCIAL

Boise, ID is the name of the town where we're throwin' game down. We're back outside at the 30,000 seat Bronco Stadium at Boise State.

CUE: "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by Dropkick Murphys COLE Well, OAOAST President Josie Baker told the IRA that if they wanted to know who her new enforcer is, they'd have to come out to the ring right around now...and it appears that they're just as curious as we are! COACH I know who it is! COLE ...You do? COACH Yeah! I saw him earlier. COLE Who is it? COACH Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell you! You let secrets slip more often than the C.I.EMHPH!~! -Coach is suddenly muffled. The camera switches over to sofa central, where we see Coach being dragged away, a black bag over his head. A man with black sunglasses stands beside Cole, pointing right at him. Cole looks straight ahead, not trying to make eye contact with the man, who suddenly disappears.... ...Ahem...MEANWHILE, in the ring, Colin Maguire, Sr. stands in the center, while CMJ stands directly beside him. Callahan and Gillpatrick are there too. Yay. CMS produces a microphone from his jacket as he stares at the entranceway. MAGUIRE "...Well? Here we are, Jo-Jo...who's the mystery man?" -The boos turn to cheers as Josie walks out from behind the curtain. No musical accompaniment necessary. She smiles wide as she raises the microphone to her lips. JOSIE "...Before I tell you, Colin...Let me start by saying... You're fucked." -The fans erupt at the Presidents bluntness. JOSIE "As the OAOAST President AND HeldDown General Manager, I need to be as unbiased as possible. I need to do WHATEVER is in the best interest of the company. And, Collie...letting YOU and your band of thugs in to MY company was my biggest mistake...At the time, Yeah...you were welcome. We go back, you helped my family, Hell...you're even responsible for the thorn in your side, Jereme Grey. YOU are the one that helped me get that deal with SJPW, allowing him to win their Cruiserweight title." -The fans erupt at the mention of Jereme. The camera switches to a young fan holding a rather boring "JEREME GREY #1" sign. Boring little fuck. He switches back to Josie. JOSIE "...ALLLL that being said...I still hate yer fuckin' guts. You waltz in, demanding things that are out of your reach, and what do you do? You throw a tantrum...you throw a tantrum like a little sociopathic five year old. You ATTACK MY cousin! You put a cigarette out on the back of her neck! You threaten to kill her, her brother, and ME! You assholes NEED to be punished!" -More cheers. JOSIE "...Now...before I tell you who my new 'Enforcer' is...do any of you have the balls to face him at Zero Hour, sight unseen?" -No-one raises their hand. CMS looks at CMJ, who shakes his head. CMJ mouthes, "I want Jereme, pop." JOSIE "...no-one?" -CMS looks back at Mickey Gillpatrick, who nods and steps forward. JOSIE "Mickey Gillpatrick? That's your choice?...All right...Mickey...would you say you like to gamble?" -Mickey remains stoic. He doesn't move. He just stares straight ahead at Josie, who has a grin that would make The Joker (OMG TOPICAL!~!) blush. JOSIE "...Wouldja say that you do? Hmm? All right...lemme ask you one more question:...Have you ever been to Las Vegas?" -...The cheers are deafening. Patrick Callahan and CMJ now have looks of shock and terror. COLE ...No... JOSIE "All right then...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE!..." COLE ...It can't be.... JOSIE "THE NEWEST MEMBER OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION!!..." COLE ...Oh my God... JOSIE "AND THE MAN THAT WILL BE FACING MICKEY GILLPATRICK AT ZERO HOUR" JOSIE "....MY BROTHER-IN-LAW!!!!... AUSTIN!! "RAGDOLL!!!!" BAKER!!!!! ""VIIIIIIVAAAAAAAAA LAS VEGAS!! CUE: "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers COLE IT IS!!!!! -The cheers are off the charts as the curtains fly open, revealing none other than the Greatest OAOAST Wrestler Never to Wear the Belt... RAGDOLL!!! COLE OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! RAGDOLL IS BACK IN THE OAOAST!! JOSIE BAKER JUST REVEALED HER TRUMP CARD!! AUSTIN "RAGDOLL" BAKER IS BACK!!! -Ragdoll stops just beside a smirking Josie. He smiles wide, before rushing towards the ring!! The cheers grow insane as Ragdoll slides in, just as CMJ, Patrick Callahan, and CMS clear out. Mickey Gillpatrick quickly takes off his leather jacket and tosses it to the outside before rushing toward the now standing Ragdoll. Mickey swings his arm wildly, but Ragdoll ducks! Ragdoll turns quickly, just as Gillpatrick does....WHAM!!! A swift kick to the balls drops Mickey to his knees, and in a flash, Ragdoll rushes towards the opposite ropes...He rebounds and rushes towards Mickey...AND LEAPS FORWARD, SWINGING HIS RIGHT KNEE THROUGH THE AIR!!! FLASHES ILLUMINATE THE ARENA AS HE'S INCHES AWAY... WHAM!~!~! COLE DEVIL DOLL!! DEVIL DOLL! DEVIL DOLL!! OH MY GOD!!! A DEVIL DOLL TO MICKEY GILLPATRICK!!! -Mickey clutches at his face as he rolls out of the ring, blood now gushing from his nose and jaw. CMJ and Callahan rush to his side as Josie skips down the ramp past them. She hops up the steps and climbs into the ring, standing beside her grinning brother-in-law. The IRA all collectively lift Gillpatrick and carry him quickly up the ramp towards the back. CMS glares at the ring, shouting profanities at the now smoking Bakers. COLE FANS!!! AUSTIN RAGDOLL BAKER IS BACK IN THE OAOAST!!! COACH *headset fumbling* I'm here! I'm here! COLE RAGDOLL!! COACH Yeah...I know...I told you I knew...Don't you wanna hear how I escaped? COLE RAGDOLL IS BACK!!! COACH ...It involved training rats.... COLE FANS!!! WE'LL BE BACK! COMMERCIAL

HeldDOWN~! returns to see Josh Matthews playing Game Boy, as Sandman9000 and Alfdogg stand by. SANDMAN No no no, you have to have the Water Stone, then he becomes Poliwrath. Josh suddenly looks up to the camera, seeing that the red light is on, and hides his Game Boy behind his back, as Alf simply shakes his head. JOSH Hi, I'm standing here with Alfdogg and Sandman9000, who later tonight take on the Badd Boyz, the team of Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, the World and United States champions, respectively. Alf gets a smile on his face upon hearing the term "Badd Boyz" bestowed upon PRL and Heat. JOSH And speaking of the United States title, we heard the announcement earlier tonight, next week, Alf, you will be challenging Colombian Heat for that title right here on HeldDOWN~! ALF You know, Josh, it seems we've been down this road once before. Midcarder makes mockery of belt, loses horribly to Alf, who then brings unspeakable prestige to said belt. That was three years ago, in case you're keeping track, when I took the Heartland title from one Puerto Rican. As Herman's Hermits would say, "second verse, same as the first." I mean, let's face it, that belt was dead on arrival as soon as that punk won it. But no, our loving President Miss Baker has let him carry this charade on for almost a year now, for as long as Sandman has held the Heartland title, with pride and dignity, and has ducked no one. Well, it all ends next week, Heat, when I end your reign of terror...and PRL, you can consider that a warmup for Zero Hour, and I'll walk out of there with two championship belts. JOSH And if that happens, then there would be no dispute that the Deadly Alliance is the most powerful organization in wrestling. ALF First of all, little man, there's no "if." When. I will become a three-time OAOAST champion at Zero Hour, and secondly, there already is no disputing the Deadly Alliance's power. JOSH Well, there's three other stables who I think would dispute it. ALF Like who? The Enterprise? The In-Crowd? Yeah, look at all the gold in those stables! Oh wait, there is none. And big deal, Cucaracha Internacional has six-man gold. Friggin' Big Josh was a six-man champion once! The credentials speak for themselves, little man, and we'll only turn up the volume at Zero Hour. Now, I got a match to get ready for. Alf and Sandman walk off, as Josh watches them walk off, then goes right back to his Game Boy. *back to Sofa Central* “Sympathy for the Devil” hits and Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker graces us with his presence. The Billion Dollar Heir outfitted in a new lavish white robe with $ symbols everywhere. COLE Boy is Theodore Moneymaker really playing up the whole messiah thing. COACH He’s not playing up anything, Mikey. Teddy IS the OAOAST Messiah. And he’s headed our way! COLE Well this is certainly a surprise. The Coach gets on a knee and kisses the diamond $ shaped ring on Theodore’s hand. Cole, however, is reluctant to do so, but eventually goes through with it to move things along. MONEYMAKER COACH Welcome Teddy. MONEYMAKER Thank you, Coach. It’s a pleasure to be here. Unfortunately your friend and mine, our Inspirational Leader, Abdullah Abir Nerdly, was unable to attend because he’s down in Nashville sharing his infinite wisdom with Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young. BWAHAHA! COLE After your parade was rained on last week, Theodore, a lot of people thought you might not show tonight. MONEYMAKER And I bet whoever concocted that little stunt banked on that. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil! Never before have I been so humiliated in my life. But I want the person or persons who committed that act, which borders on terrorism as far as I’m concerned, to know their deed will not go unpunished. As we speak, V.I.C.E. is hard at work on the case, and if anybody can solve this mystery it’s them. "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco is cued, as the Beverly Hills Blonds arrive on the red carpet. Their every move filmed by Molly Nerdly on the Siclopse BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, representing THE ENTERPRISE, at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD and "BOX-OFFICE" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Once inside the BHB practice various blocking techniques. COACH Teddy, like me, you gotta be expecting great things out of the Blonds tonight. MONEYMAKER Indeed I am. It’s no secret I haven’t been happy with their lack of production in recent months, and while I’d prefer not to handle company matters in-house, sometimes you need to call a person out in order to motivate them. COLE But calling them disappointments? I seem to recall they held the World 6-man tag titles along with CPA just last summer. MONEYMAKER The Enterprise holds the men and women it employs to higher standards, Michael Cole. We don’t rest on our laurels, that’s what nickel-and-dimers like you do. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed blasts over the speakers as Bo storms out to thunderous applause that’s almost as loud as the PYRO going off behind him. BUFFER And their opponent, representing THE IN CROWD! Hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Do these fans love Bo or what? MONEYMAKER I wonder if they’d still be cheering that monster had it been their daughter, sister or wife he raped. COLE Now hold on a minute. You’re more than welcome to stay out here and lend your expertise to our next match, but not if you’re going to spend all your time smearing Bo’s name. We soon learn why the BHB were practicing blocking techniques prior to the bout, as they successfully deny Bo entry into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What is this? MONEYMAKER Strategy. BWAHAHA! To make matters worse, referee Clem Buzzlefoxer signals for the bell and starts counting Bo out! BO * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and the BHB have theirs rung as well, courtesy of a DOUBLE COCONUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo grabs Simon and Ned by the head from the apron and dumps them over the top, leaving him standing tall inside where he poses for the masses as a giant banner that reads “PASS THE ‘SAULT” goes by in the background. COLE I don’t think this is how the Blonds envisioned the opening scene. MONEYMAKER Somebody confiscated that sign. The BHB regroup outside, with Simon telling the gang “take 2.” And as director, he takes charge. Chest puffed, Simon walks up to Bo all big and tough, but a tiny step forward is enough to send the Beverly Hills Blond into retreat! COLE Simon just got PUNK’D! Embarrassed in front of a national television audience, Simon SLAPS Bo! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MONEYMAKER There you go, Simon. That’s how you respond. BO SIMON Oh, shit. Bo chases after Simon, following him outside until he puts on the brakes realizing the BHB want him to run out of gas. Back in the ring a tag is made, and the Handsome Hustler challenges Bo to a test of strength. COACH I love you, Ned, but I question your judgment here. And rightfully so, because Bo twists Ned’s wrist like a door knob! Blanchard answers with a thumb to the eye, then unloads with rights and stinging knife-edge chops before whipping Bo across…but Bo reverses and stiffs the hell out of Ned with a MURDERLINE~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Simon enters and eats a YAKZUA KICK! Into the buckle Ned goes, and Bo stays on the attack, ramming his shoulder into the midsection of the Handsome Hustler again and again. Fired out of the corner Ned is PRESSED in the air and SLAMMED hard onto the canvas. In total control Bo glares over at Theodore Moneymaker and signals the end is near. MONEYMAKER COLE Oh, my! Bo’s looking to end this one early! Thumbs up. THUMBS DOWN~! Bo scoops Ned up, swings him around… AND DOWN RIGHT ON TOP AFTER A CHOP BLOCK FROM SIMON! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MONEYMAKER/COACH Ned hooks the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! The BHB tag and Simon goes right to work on the clipped knee, dropping a series of elbows before placing Bo’s leg on the bottom rope and crashing all his weight down onto it! Writhing in pain Bo is subjected to verbal abuse and paint brushing. COACH Mackie’s gotta be enjoying this wherever she’s at. MONEYMAKER I’m sure she is, Coach. And the Blonds are doing the smart thing here. They can’t match power with Bo -- very few people can -- so they took his wheels out. And we both know a car can’t drive without its wheels. SPINNING TOEHOLD is applied and referee Clem Buzzlefoxer is surprisingly right on top of things for a change, checking to see whether Bo wants to continue or not. Of course he refuses to submit, but the pain on his face is clear. His back towards the BHB corner, Simon receives additional leverage from Ned who yanks on his tights! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" By the time Clem is able to turn his 84-year-old boy around, Ned’s flirting with chicks ringside. Another tag is made and Simon decides to have a little chat with Clem as Ned STOMPS, STOMPS AND STOMPS Bo in the GROIN! MONEYMAKER That’s one way to ensure Bo never harms another woman again. BWAHAHA! COLE Ned goes back to the spinning toehold…BUT BO WRAPS HIM UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Blanchard kicks out and decks Bo with a back elbow. To the middle rope goes the Handsome Hustler and he delivers a POINTY~! ELBOW! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. But a rather weak one, evident by the period instead of an exclamation point. Nevertheless, the match rages on with Bo introduced to the boot of Simon Singleton. Following a tag, Simon proceeds to CHOP the hide off Bo in the corner. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suddenly Bo turns the tables, shoving Simon into the corner after knocking Ned off the apron, but the Handsome Hustler is fast to pull Bo’s leg out from under and slams it against the steel ring post! MONEYMAKER Bo getting a taste of his own medicine. Now he’s the one flat on his back and helpless! The BHB make their 30th tag of the match, or so it must seem to Bo as he’s been on the receiving end of a beating for quite sometime, and Ned Blanchard slaps on the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK! COACH He’s got him right in the center of the ring, guys. COLE Can Bo hang on? Just how much more can he take? ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Bo narrowly avoids getting himself pinned, raising the shoulder right at the last second. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” Gritting his teeth and clutching his knee, Bo takes a deep breath and incredibly starts dragging Ned and himself towards the ropes. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE I don’t believe this! What power! As they near closer Blanchard releases the hold and drops a knee to the head, then slams Bo mid-ring and makes the tag…LAUNCHING SIMON OFF THE TOP AND DOWN! COACH The Atomic Blond! ONE… TWO… THREE! NO, KICKOUT…WITH AUTHORITY!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SIMON After the initial shock wears off, Simon charges Bo. MURDERLINE~! And one for Ned too. Pumping with adrenaline the Metrosexual Monster shakes the top rope like a wild man, then plants Simon with a RUNNING POWERSLAM! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Bo moves and Ned drops an elbow on Simon! Hands on head Ned apologies to his partner, then walks into a FRONT SPINEBUSTER~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” So caught up in the action Bo forgets who the legal man is and covers Ned. MONEYMAKER BWAHAHA! Just as I’ve said all along: million dollar body, 10 cent brain! Meanwhile, Simon has rolled outside, forcing Bo to go out and get him. And right there in the middle of it all is Molly Nerdly. The aspiring filmmaker placing herself in harm’s way in order to capture all the action. Unfortunately a little too close as she bumps into Bo. BO Hey, watch it. MOLLY RAPE! The cool dude that he is, Bo laughs it off and carries on about his business, rolling Simon back inside. But then from out of nowhere CHRISTIAN WRIGHT appears and delivers a nasty CHAIRSHOT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What’s he doing here? MONEYMAKER Protecting an innocent young woman from the Sexual Monster. Amazingly, Bo is hardly fazed, which freaks the hell out of CW. A high speed chase ensues and both men vanish backstage. Luckily for the BHB, referee Clem Buzzlerfoxer was distracted caring for the delicate little known as flower Molly Nerdly and therefore missed the sneak attack. So with no Bo around he starts counting him out. 1... 2... 3... COLE No, not like this. 4... 5... 6... COACH They’re gonna win. They’re actually gonna win! 7... 8... 9... 10! MONEYMAKER * DINGDINGDING * Moneymaker puts down the headsets and sprints towards the ring. BUFFER Here are your winners… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Theodore joins the BHB and Molly inside and it’s nothing but love. The group celebrating as though they won every title in the company. COLE I can’t believe they’re happy with the way they won. COACH Hey, a win’s a win. COLE We have more action ahead, but standing by right now, Terry Taylor with a familiar face. We cut to our backstage interview position where Terry is joined by OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. TERRY That’s right, Michael. After a brief hiatus, I’m pleased to hand the mic back over to our colleague Tony Brannigan. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The microphone is exchanged and so is a handshake, followed by Terry’s exit. TONY Well thank you very much, Terry. You know, ladies and gentlemen, ever since my active wrestling career ended I’ve had a blast in my new role, one that I hope to have for years to come, but it was great to be back in the ring once again, even if just as a referee. I know a lot of you weren't pleased with the outcome of the match I officiated at Angleslam, and maybe I did let a few things slide on both sides, but I promised you a winner and we got just that. Enough about me though. Right now I’d like to bring in my guest, hot off the heels of his big victory a couple of weeks ago at Angleslam, Baron Windels! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Lone Star Gunslinger walks into view with a big smile on his face and an equally big cowboy hat. BARON How are ya, Tony? TONY I’m doing well. As I’m sure you are following Angleslam. BARON Yessiree. I tell ya, it was by far the most grueling match I’ve ever been involved. My former tag team partner may be a dick, but he’s also one tough son of a bitch. Our toughness is what made the Lone Star Gunslingers one of the best tag teams in OAOAST history. It’s a damn shame we never got to see just how great we could’ve became. Brannigan and Windels are then SPRAYED by CHAMPAGNE as Molly Nerdly leads a jubilant Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard into view, all wearing party hats and blowing noisemakers. TONY Gentlemen, I beg your pardon, but this isn’t New Year’s Eve, nor is it your interview time. SIMON It is now, Tony, baby. By the way, Teddy says the check's in the mail. TONY SIMON Besides, I don’t think Baron here minds. BARON I do, actually. NED Oh, a bit uptight, huh? Nothing a little champagne won’t fix. Here, have a drink. The Beverly Hills Blonds are in a celebratory mood because Simon and I proved we are who we say we are, superstars, beating Bo from pillar to post. The BHB blow their noisemakers in Tony and Baron’s faces, then place party hats on their heads. This looks especially funny on Baron Windels because Simon puts it right on top of his cowboy hat. Baron removes his party hat and stares a long good look at it. BARON Happy 9/11? SIMON Yeeeah. Not our idea. Abdullah picked those up at a novelty store in Saudi Arabia. NED Hey, are you gonna want a drink or not? I’m spending valuable time sober on a very somber day. BARON And you’re disrespecting that day with your embarrassing conduct. SIMON Jesus, dude. He only offered you a drink. BARON What, is he some queer? NED SIMON People have called Ned plenty of names, but… heh … that’s never been one of them. NED You damn straight that’s never been one of them. If anybody here’s a queer, it’s your sorry ass, Windels. Ain’t nobody ever popped off on me. BARON I think your lucks about to change. With that, Baron pops Ned in the mouth with a big roundhouse, knocking the Handsome Hustler on his ass! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tony Brannigan scrams as Baron motions for Simon to bring it, but he thinks better of it and decides to stay put next to Molly drinking champagne. As he exits, BW walks past Theodore Moneymaker who surveys the damage. MONEYMAKER (turning back at Baron) COMMERCIAL

COLE We're back, folks, and real quickly, we welcome you to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole along with the Coach, and we have for you, right now, the participants who will compete in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell IV! Of course, Sandman9000, the defending champion, will be in there, but you will also see the United States champion, Colombian Heat! COACH Oy. With any luck, he'll be the first guy to go out. COLE Also, representatives of The Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional, Tango Bosley and Faqu, respectively! COACH Now we're talkin', some serious competitors! We've got an Enterprise guy, a CI guy, and a DA guy! Should be most interesting! COLE And filling things out, two former Heartland champions, "After Hours" Felix Strutter, as well as The Current Big Thing, Brock Ausstin! Another outstanding field for the Chamber of Hell! COACH That's not all, Cole, a big match announced for next week's show, as well! COLE That's right, it'll be Colombian Heat defending his United States title against none other than the challenger for the World title at Zero Hour, Alfdogg! COACH Alf could well walk out of Cleveland in possession of two titles! COLE But before that, we've got tonight! Bohemoth will take on the Beverly Hills Blonds, 1-against-2, in a handicap match, and a HUGE tag team main event, as the Badd Boyz reunite! The World champion, Tha Puerto Rican, joins the United States champion Colombian Heat, and they'll take on the Deadly Alliance duo of Alfdogg and Sandman9000! Plus comments from several OAOAST superstars! What a night we have ahead here on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Backstage, Leon Rodez is listening to music on his iPod, when suddenly a finger reaches into view, and pushes the pause button. Leon looks up, and realizes that the finger belongs to Quentin Benjamin, who is standing over him, along with Charlie Moss. Leon raises from his seat. MOSS What happened last week? LEON Look. It's nothing personal against you guys, it's just you know I wanted to get at Reject. It was just wrong place, wrong time, that's all. BENJAMIN (smiles) Is that right. (smile disappears) Well, I could say the same for you right now. Things start to get tense, until Bohemoth walks into the picture, to the cheers of the fans in the arena. BOHEMOTH What's going on here? We got a problem? BENJAMIN I'd say so. TK & Reject have the gold back around their waists, all because your boy stuck his nose in our business. BOHEMOTH Speaking of which...I think you two need to leave. Bo steps in front of Leon and confronts Team Heyross, then looks up to see Brock Ausstin appearing behind them. The crowd cheers, then starts to buzz. BROCK (half-jokingly) Hey, Bo...my old buddy! Brock extends a hand, which Bo slowly accepts. BOHEMOTH Welcome back. BROCK Well, I appreciate that. Now that all the mushy stuff's out of the way...it seems you have a problem with my friends here. BOHEMOTH Ditto. BROCK Well that's a bit of a tough situation to find ourselves in, huh? Us with a problem with you... you with a problem with us... LEON Hold up, hold up! Leon steps back in front of Bo, a brave move with Brock immediately in front of him. LEON Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry you guys lost your titles and I'm definately sorry that Reject ended up profiting. I don't know what got into me last week but the fact is, I'm in the same boat as you. I wanted to get my hands on Reject for what he's been doing recently. Just like you guys at AngleSlam. And you did everything you could to get in the TLC Match. Did you guys give a second thought to my buddies D*LUX and their chances of becoming World Tag Team Champions, or was your only focus Reject? BENJAMIN You can't seriously compare that to last week! We got robbed of our belts... LEON And Reject's been running around attacking every woman in sight and sooner or later, he's going to end up hurting someone else that I care about. Some of the blood's on my hands as it is. I'm not expecting you to forgive me for costing you the belts, but surely you can understand why I went after Reject in the first place? Neither Benjamin or Moss answer, seemingly weighing everything up. Then, eventually, they back off a little, their body language a little less confrontational, which seems to relax everybody. BROCK Next time, sort your timing out first, huh? LEON There won't be a next time, don't worry. BENJAMIN See that there ain't. Benjamin slaps Leon on the side of the arm as he and Moss leave. A little slower is Brock, still faced up to Bohemoth. BROCK You're not in the Chamber Match, are you? BOHEMOTH Don't think so. Brock smiles to himself and nods. BROCK Glad to hear it. And with that Brock leaves, Leon raises an eyebrow to Bohemoth who just shrugs. patty sez: how you gonna let a man touch your ipod? its like letting a dude touch your junk on the bus touching the next man's ipod is what touching the next man's air jordans used to be kind of shit you get killed for where I'm from. fuck what ya heard!