Patty O'Green

Inside the sports bar like interview lounge are two people who would never be caught dead in a sports bar Christian Wright, in black slacks and a white dress shirt and Mackenzie DeCenzo in a very sexy deep plunging neckline gown with a cut out back. With them is goth prep babe, Maggie Nerdly in a ruffled black skirt and a black polo shirt. Next to her are extra security guards, there after the threat made earlier by Reject. MAGGIE What's good everybody, It Girl on the scene Maggie Nerdly in the interview lounge with Christian Wright and Mackenzie DeCenzo. Big, big, match coming up at Angleslam featuring you, Christian, Theodore Moneymaker, and Abdullah Abir Nerdly against The In Crowd of Zack Malibu, Bohemoth and Leon. Leon Rodez. Yeah, gotta use that last name. Lemme get your thoughts on the guys you'll be taking on. Let's start with Big Bo, your old tag partner. WRIGHT Dear madame, I find your commentary sorely lacking in accuracy and overabundant in falsifications. MACKENZIE Number one, Bohemoth was never ever Christian Wright''s tag team partner. WRIGHT Very true, Miss DeCenzo. Very true. Bohemoth was to me, and to anyone with healthy vision of the situation at hand, but a heavy. A goon. A hooligan. A dupe of mediocre intelligence merely designed to protect me from the threats often posed to a man of my stature. That Bohemoth is even a component of the OAOAST machine is in of no small part to my charity. Let it be known both in the present and far in the times that lie ahead, the reviled OAOAST scouting department took no notice of this boorish warmonger, only of the debanoir gentlemen who stands before you today. It was I and I alone that gave Bohemoth his vocational duties within our macabre athletic domain. His every sucsess is mine times two. MACKENZIE Exactly. Bohemoth has about one little thing going for him, he has a fantastic steroid dealer. Christian Wright is a former world tag team champion, a rookie of the year, and a former HI-YAH world heavyweight champion. Bohemoth is, and I had to look this up so that should tell you everything, a what? A former 24/7 champion. I'm a former 24/7 champion. There goes that accomplishment right out the window. MAGGIE Yeah um, what about... WRIGHT Mister Leon Rodez. Your quondam parmour? MAGGIE That's a cool band, they do my entrance song, but what do they gotta do with Leon? MACKENZIE (under her breath) They get dumber and dumber every day. WRIGHT Leon Rodez is precisley the type of mud dwelling swine your two eyes have observed him to be. His decesion to fail tremendously in his athletic competition against Krista Isadora Duncan has once again exhibited to those of insufficient intelligence to believe otherwise that he will always occupy the station of sidekick and witless wisecracker. MACKENZIE His own niece left him last year for The Enterprise, and she left him again this year for Krista of all people, and don't get me started on Krista. Even his useless toadies D*LUX like her better than him. WRIGHT I have struck The Grand Rapids Golden Child down in the yesteryear, and I shall strike him down this year, and every year henceforth. As I showed on my very first appearance in this professional wrestling promotion his heart is the place in which I will forever plunge my dagger. MAGGIE And, lets talk The Franchise, Zack Malibu. WRIGHT Let us not speak ill of the dead. Ill of the dearly departed walking amongst us clinging to that which has clearly left them. MACKENZIE Zack Malibu's career is far from finished. But, his time as being relevent to the OAOAST is done. Its over and stopped. He didn't even stop Anglesault from getting fired. Not because he didn't want to, mind you. Because he couldn't. The balance of power in the OAOAST has shifted. Its shifted to the point where its unbalanced and it all belongs to The Enterprise. You'll all see at Angleslam. MAGGIE I guess we will. But, hey, check it out, Josh Matthews, is with Bohemoth. J.Math? We switch to Josh and Bohemoth, located outside the In Crowd locker room MATTHEWS Bo, you heard what your old running buddy just said. Any thoughts? BOHEMOTH Christian Wright is full of crap. Always has been always will be. I said it to Zack a few weeks ago, Theodore Moneymaker is talking himself into an ass whupping, Christian just did the same, and Abdullah's going to get him one to. Come August 31st me, Leon and Zack are gonna deliver in full. And I'm no Reject, but if Mackenzie keeps on the way she's keeping on, I can't be held responsible for what happens to her. With that interesting warning, Bo puts on his sunglasses and returns to the In Crowd Locker room COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Dicks, Rich Pricks & Beautiful Chicks Live from The Alamodome August 31st San Antonio, Texas Walking through the corridors of the... hey, what arena are we in? Is Alabama big enough to have arenas? Anyway, walking through the corridors of the arena that we're in, Nathaniel Black is still in the process of letting off some steam. Stomping through the hallways he barges past various OAOAST workers and arena staff without a second thought. All of a sudden though, Black comes to a stop. There to his left is the locker room bearing the logo of "The In Crowd". Black looks at the door for a few seconds and thinks over something in his head, before suddenly snapping to life and making for the door... ZACK HEY! ...getting no further than the door handle before Zack Malibu rounds the corner and spots him! ZACK Looking for someone? BLACK Yeh, as it 'appens. ZACK Just a passing visit? Black notices Zack looking past him, possibly for accomplices. BLACK Relax. You reckon I was just gonna step into your locker room and start somethin'? That ain't my style mate. With or without back-up. I just wanted you to know, I ain't through with you yet Malibu. What went down last week didn't settle a bloody thing between you and me. ZACK You're telling me. I know you didn't have anything to do with it, but all the same, I got screwed over last week. BLACK Well, you'll wanna do somethin' about it then. Looks like you and me are gonna be busy at AngleSlam. So, once all that's over an' done with, I want another shot. A fair shot. No Enterprise, no Landon, none of that bollocks. Just you an' me, one on one, find out who the better man is once an' for all. Whether we do it in the ring or we 'ave to do it in the street to make sure no-one else is involved, I don't care. ZACK Well hopefully it won't come to that. This isn't about street-fighting, it's about who the better wrestler is. And until we prove whether it's you or me, anytime you want another shot... all you've gotta do is say the word. Nodding, Black walks past Zack with a grin. BLACK Next time, there won't be no excuses. Usually that sort of arrogance wouldn't play with Zack. But he admires the confidence with a little scoff under his breath, before shaking his head and entering the In Crowd locker room. Made a little bit more weary by the conversation with Black, Zack is ready to rest and relax with his buds. Unfortunatley all the other members of the In Crowd are gone, and in their place is GM Josie Baker. ZACK My, Bohemoth, how much weight you've lost since I last saw you. JOSIE You're a hilarious guy, Zack. A real hilarious guy, its a wonder you aren't on your own HBO comedy special. ZACK I feel a little more in a Dateline mood, because I need to do some investigating on a few things. First of which, why are you in the In Crowd locker room? JOSIE That's an easy one. I'm in the In Crowd locker room because I can be. The In Crowd locker room exist because I let it exist, because when I get to the arena at whatever time in the morning I say the In Crowd gets a locker room. Me. ZACK Then I guess I oughta thank you for that wooden bench over there, um the end table, the lamp, the Mens Health magazine, no Sly brought that in nevermind JOSIE Hilarious, Zack. Hilarious. The other reason I'm here, besides to tell you how much I enjoy our weekly chats is that I want to clear the air about last week's fiasco. ZACK Clear the air, huh? The air is clear as far as I'm concerned. And I can see for miles and miles, and all I see are snakes in the grass. You, Moneymaker, Abdullah, Landon, all snakes. I hate snakes, Josie. JOSIE I hate snakes to. You know me, I'm upfront and in your face as anyone this company has ever had. I am not afraid to get up in some's shit and tear them a new asshole, ask anyone. That means you gotta believe me when I say I had no idea that whole thing... ZACK That whole thing when I got wacked with a chair by Abdullah? JOSIE Yes. I had no idea that whole thing would happen. I wanted a clean finish just as much as you and Black did. Maybe even more. ZACK I doubt that. JOSIE What happened last week, that's not on me. ZACK So you're sorry. JOSIE I didn't say that. ZACK But you called it a fiasco. And I'm sure you don't want a fiasco to be the last memory our fans the TSM board and the OAOAST brass remembers from my matches with Black right? Then maybe you can wipe the slate clean and let us go at it one more time at Angleslam. Find out who the better man is. Let me give the kid a decent clean shot. However you want to do it, be it in a cage, empty arena, let's do this the right way. JOSIE That sounds great, but you know good and well that Black is in the Riverwalk battle royal now. ZACK Slide Blonde back into the spot then. You think you got the power around here so use it. JOSIE I already have. ZACK On what? JOSIE On making one hell of a match for Angleslam. The In Crowd of Bohemoth, Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez against Christian Wright, Theodore Moneymaker and Abdullah Abir Nerdly. Zack takes a moment to consider that match, and sighs heavily before taking a seat on the arm of a nearby leather chair. ZACK You made that match, eh? Because you don't have to be forensics investigator to see Moneymaker's fingerprints all over it. I get screwed against Black, I get screwed out my rematch with him and then I get put against a group of guys who want the In Crowd dead. I'm not a fool, so don't try and play me like one. JOSIE You're turning into a bitter man. ZACK That's just because people are making me one. You know the way out. Josie does know the way out, and walks there but not before turning eyes narrowed in anger and distrust upon Zack. Malibu is unmoved by her stare and only returns the chilly expression as we... FADE OUT COMMERCIAL. LONG COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks earlier this week, a semi-recovered Molly Nerdly brought a film crew to Krista Isadora Duncan's house to film Jade Rodez-Duncan's training for her match with Malaysia. She has titled this piece “Rodez Through Hell” and has given us a special bonus making of the “Rodez Through Hell” COACH Of course Krista, Alix, Jade ain't gonna be in the toxic waste dump of America, Alabama, either, so this is all you're seeing of them tonight! KRISTA'S HOUSE LOS ANGELES TUESDAY MORNING 2 AM An overhead fly through shows us a serene and a peaceful early morning in the posh Beverly Hills neighborhood of Krista Isadora Duncan, what light there is comes from lamps on the proches and street lights shining down on various nice cars in the mutli million dollar homes. We settle on Krista Isadora Duncan's roof, with its stunning view of west LA that stretches past the lights and to the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately mischief is afoot. And the ring leader of that mischief is Alix Maria Spezia. The Hollywood Bad Girl is dressed to live up to her name in a green tank top covered with grenades, capri camo pants, brown hair tied into a ponytail and strands falling in front of a black bandanna. Also there is Terry Taylor in an outfit designed for Desert Storm with beige helmet flack jackets and pants. MARV is doing his best Rambo impression, his chisled body topless, covered in grime in dirt, camo makeup, green bandanna and black baggy pants. All three hold heavy artillery. ALIX So, like, awesome, huh! Its, like, time to start operation “Make Jade pee her pants in fear, but not really, because, like, ya know, Krista's maids kinda suck at cleaning up wee-wee, which is why I can't throw bottle rockets at Terry when he's using the newspaper Krista lays out for him.” Wow that's a super sucky mission title, ain't it? Let's get our abbreviation on , MJPHP...uh hey-ya, help a five star babe out, what was the next wordie? Something with Alabama? Any fiddle, so we're doin the Tropic Thunder thang to help Miss Strawberry Jadeycakes, get ready for her way huge way match with Malaysia, and its gonna be awesome because it was my idea and I'm awesome and if Jade wins I can steal Malaysia's whip, and that kind of multi purpose sex toy is thing multiple orgasms are made of! MOLLY (to the camera) Krista is in Sacramento for a meeting with her dad and governor Schwarzenegger, so we're making sure this is done when she's not present to place our decapitated heads on a stake. MARV (to the camera) These weapons are historic shit, man. Alix's grandfather, his family, used them to kill ten border agents when they were sneaking into the country. I kissed a girl and I liked it! The taste of her cheery chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it ALIX What the donkey? Alix realizes that's her phone blaring that song and pulls it out her pocket. ALIX What up nigga, dis Alix! Smelly Mel! What's up, babe? Yeah, dude, we're up the roofie! How do ya get here? Just take the teleporter! It did what? Oh. Uh-huh. Oh nosie! Well, they say being burned to death is kinda like being fingered by a rainbow, so at least Krista's canary didn't suffer too much. I guess, take the ladder then. A-B-C-ya, babe! Alix clicks the phone off. ALIX Smelly Mel's coming! MARV That, dude, man. There's something about him...when I see him its like looking into a mirror. Its crazy, man. Its like my reflection in human form. Its like here's this dude that looks so much like me, that whenever he's around its like I'm with my identical twin. MOLLY That's because you are with your identical twin! MARV Word, so you understand the metaphysical plane I'm coming from. ALIX Hey, do you Chunky Monkeys wanna go see Les Miserables after this? TERRY The musical? ALIX The one and only, Mr.T! MOLLY At two in the morning? MARV Damn right, I wanna go see Les Miserables! Then afterwards we can go back my crib, 'cause I got Its Showtime At the Apollo on tIvo. Sandman Sims is my dude! ALIX Ooooh, I l-u-v Kiki Sheppard. She's a nice tall glass of chocolate milk, and even though I'm lactose intolerant I'd still risk death or sever facial hemorrhaging to do her. Before Alix and MARV can wax memorable about the wonderful nature of Showtime at the Apollo, MEL begins slowly climbing over the rooftop. Dressed the same as MARV, his ascent is slowed due to having a bucket of chicken from KC. Finally he just gracelessly flops onto the rooftop, making sure not to lose any of his chicken. MEL Smelly Mel, here for the party, baby! MOLLY My word, we've mapped out a highly illegal urban assault with heavy weaponry and you stopped at KFC? MEL I just eat the skin, not the meat. MARV I think now that the gang is all here, we should commiserate this occasion with a celebratory joint. ALIX Ooh ooh, ooh, absotootley! TAYLOR You can't have a joint, Alix! You're a recovering drug addict, that's overdosed three times! ALIX Terry, you're silly! Like, aren't we all recovering drug addicts in a way and isn't our drug of choice the hit Golden Globe winning comedy Mad About You, and haven't we all overdosed on the lovable laughs and tender moments shared by a neurotic docuemntary filmmaker and his doting faithful wife as they navigate the everyday minutiae of newlywed life in New York City? And, anypooter, celebratory joints don't count. Says so in the bible! MOLLY No I'm afraid it most certainly does not. ALIX The Koran? TAYLOR No. ALIX Ally wantie her smokey mcpot, damn it! Its a celebration! I'm celebrating good times! Come on! TAYLOR Every thing is a celebration to you three. I ordered a medium coke at Subway and I got a large I think I'll have a joint and celebrate, I saw down the sales girl at Staples shirt I think I'll have a joint to celebrate, three hundred people lost their lives in an earthquake in Burma, I think I'll have a joint to celebrate. MEL That was a good day. ALIX Terry, your name tag says Commander Suxalot but I'm like sooooo thinking of making you Admiral Suxalotmore, because you suck a lot more than I thought! Light mister jointy and cram it with BooBerry Crunch, dork! MOLLY How awfuly awful all this is becoming! Perhaps before any one of us performs an illegal activity on camera, we might discuss the other illegal activity we're about to perform on camera. Storming Krista's house with heavy weaponry! It would just be a terribly terrible thing if any of you were to get hurt, and so I can not stress the importance of gun safety enough! Correct, Alix? Molly turns the camera to Alix, only to find that the leader of this operation is holding the front of the gun directly at her eye. ALIX Argh! I am gun eye the pirate, and I'll blast yer brains out with the blink of an eye! Argh! Oh! Sun gaftey! Gun saftey, sorry dyslexic moment. Um, yeah, its like totally important. Because, dudes, for real, its what separates us from the Arabs our boys are out there killin in the name of god and country amen. So if you don't support gun safety, you don't support the troops, and if you don't support the troops, you suck! MEL One more thing, guys. Be safe and be aware, because evil lurks at every corner. TERRY No it doesn't there's just Maya and Jade and a little yorkshire terrier. MEL You didn't let me finish, man. Evil lurks in every corner...of the inner sanctum of your mind. Buddhist thought, man. That's what I'm about. TERRY Are you just talking out of your ass? MEL My ass is full of love. For all of you. MARV I love you to, brother. ALIX So like before we start, anyone gots any Q's, 'cause little Ally gots the A's! TERRY Yeah, I have one for you. How is any of this going to help Jade beat Malaysia? ALIX Dude, come here and I'll like totally hip you to my crazy knowledge. To-ta-ly. Come, come, Honey bunches of oats. Terry shrugs his shoulders and takes a few steps closer to Alix, only to get kneed in the testicles! ALIX Anyone else wanna play quizmaster? Huh? 'Cause I got at least six more knees to the nuts ready to rock n roll! No one? Good, let's roll out! Miss Molly, a kick booty mission, need some kick booty music. Hit it, girlie girl! Molly presses play on the sound system. Camptown ladies sing this song Doo Dah! Doo Dah! Camptown racetrack five miles long Oh! Doo-dah-day! I come down wid my hat caved in! Doo-dah! MOLLY (fluistered) How terribly sorry I am! Seeking to get the right song, Molly skips a few tracks until she comes upon some Buffalo Springfield. Once its on, Alix nods to Terry, who merely groans his last complaint about all this, and together the two begin the first wave of the operation by rappelling down the side of the house. AND NOW... THE RODEZ THROUGH HELL A Molly Nerdly Film Starring...Alix Maria Spezia and Jade Rodez-Duncan With MARV Nerdly and MEL Nerdly Terry Taylor And Maya Duncan-Blanchard There's something happenin here What it is ain't exactly clear There's a man with a gun over there Tellin me I got to beware I think its time we stop, children what's that sound everybody look what's going down The scene shifts to one provided by one of many hidden cameras, Molly his expertly placed throughout the house, this praticular one being inside the room of Jade Rodez-Duncan. The spacious area is exactly how you'd picture the room of the eldest daughter of a wealthy celebrity's room to look. Every piece of technology is state of the art, from the sound system that has speakers on every wall, to the two flat screen televisions one mounted over a white dresser and the other over her glass computer table above a Veoh laptop. The décor of the pristine and spotless room is a purposefully over the top girly, with heavy pinks and whites. Of course you can hardly see that because its pitch black with the only light coming from the moon litwindow. Because of this Jade sleeps well beneath the silk covers of her king sized bed. That is until a pair of bodies shatter both her sweet dreams and her window. It doesn't take Jade long to arise and react to the stunning intrusion as she watches the bodies of Alix and Terry roll across the floor. JADE Ahhhhh! Oh my god! Oh my god! Ahhhhh! Oh my god! Ahhhhhh! Help! Help! Alix brandishes her gun at Jade, increasing her fear and screams by incredible magnitude. Read Alix as though she were doing a Samuel L Jackson impression. ALIX Shut the hell up, Aladin Bin Laden! Jade peers out from beneath her covers to look at Alix in a confused horror. JADE Alix? Alix, wha...wha...wha...what's going on? ALIX Look, Terry! She's got a weapon! Woah wait a minute now, put the gun down! JADE Alix its me! ALIX I don't know you, motherfucker! Now put down the weapon! JADE Alix! There is no weapon! ALIX Terry, this motherfucker got a gun pointed at you! Do you wanna die? JADE Alix, I don't have a gun! ALIX The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence! Suddenly, and thankfully well before Jade has a heart attack, Ally lays her gun across her shoulder and ditches the tough gal act. ALIX Molly, girlie girl, can we cut? Molly, who had lowered herself down the roof with a rock climbing cable to film the proceedings with the Siclopse, swings into the room. Ignoring the clearly mesmerized and scared witless Jade, she walks over to Alix in a huff. MOLLY How unbelievably absurd! No! No absolutely not! JADE Molly? MOLLY There's no cutting in gurellia film making! This is raw, this is organic, this is blood, and bile, and guts, and viscera! This is life! Life when you're using a camera you forgot to charge the battery on and you only got half an hour of power left. ALIX But, I don't wanna do this role, like, Sam Jackson style, ya know. I wanna go something more sexy. MOLLY I think not. You're a special ops soldier, you aren't sexy, you're deadly. ALIX I wanna be both! Like, did, Demi Moore scream put down the fuckin gun before I break my boot off in yo ass in StripTease? JADE What is going on here? You all broke my window! MOLLY She was playing a stripper. ALIX Why can't I play a stripper? I played one all through high school! TERRY Where would you put the grenades? ALIX Oh, Ally Cat'd find a place. Yes she would would would! Oh, hey, better idea, why don't I go a little primal, and do Dunston from Dunston checks in. MOLLY How awfully awful! He is amonkey. And don't you dare say “so”? You playing Dunston Checks In ruins your every last movie shot! Why do you think you didn't get Maggie Gyllenhaal's part in Dark Knight? Because you threw fake feces at Chris Nolan during the audition. Why do you think you didn't get Natalie Portman's part in the Other Bolin girl? Because the queen of England did not, I repeat, did not scratch her BUTT and hump Scarlett Johanssan's leg. TERRY That just sounds like Alix playing Alix. JADE Would someone tell me what is going on here? MOLLY Alix, my dear, this role may not get you the Oscar, but its the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the Best Oscar for best actress....presenter spot! Now, let's film this movie! ALIX Can we do the countdown? Because it makes me think of new year when I kiss someone and say “Happy New Years, hope ya like herpes!” MOLLY In 5..4..3..2..1..ACTION Alix puts on a feircly menacing glare and lowers the gun at a still severely spooked Jade. ALIX Fuck this shit, Terry! Who's side are you on? Mine or this motherfucker, who's obviously of terroist descent! TERRY I think I can see the weapon! ALIX Give me the gun on the count of three or I swear to all mighty God I'll blow your fuckin head off! JADE I can't give you a gun I don't have! ALIX The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence! JADE What is this? ALIX What country are you from? JADE What?! ALIX What ain't no country I've ever heard of! Do they speak English in what? JADE What?! ALIX English, motherfucker, do you speak it? JADE What?! ALIX Say what, again, motherfucker! Say what again! JADE What?! The hellish discharge of Alix's and Terry's guns comes with a flaring of light from the guns and a blood curdling scream from the top of Jade's lungs and shouts of aggression from Alix. Without so much as even considering that she may put herself directly in the line of their wild fire, the hollering and screaming Duncan girl charges out the room to find safety or perhaps any sort of weapon to use in combat. As Jade runs as fast as her Bugs Bunny slippers can carry her, Alix and Terry lean out the doorway with Alix watching on in amazement. ALIX I didn't think she'd freak out like that. TERRY Of course, she'd freak out like that, we broke through her window and shot at her. ALIX Yeah, but I'd thought she'd just faint and we could maybe draw funny pictures on her tummy. TERRY Need I remind you scaring the crap out of your incredibly hot, incredibly rich, and incredibly temperamental girlfriend's daughter has nothing to do with training her for her Angleslam match. No Terry needn't have reminded Alix of anything of at all, and for his foolish commentary he's greeted with a second to kick to his still sore testicles. ALIX Five more knees to the balls left, who wants some more? We cut from an extreme close up Terry's wounded face to an exteme close up of Jade's alarmed one as she hastily hustles down the stairs from her fourth floor room to the third floor. Her movement is hindered by her wrecked nerves and she nearly trips over wobbly legs. Her coordination is so destroyed that on the last steps she falls over entirely, and we zoom into another extreme close up of her anguished expression. Unable to stand any more, she merely scurries down the hall on all four before reaching Maya's room. Not a part of Alix's lunatic scheme, and not having heard the gun shots above or maybe not caring, Maya is sound asleep. But, Jade is quick to wake her up, by crawling into the bed and shaking her. JADE Oh my god! Oh my god! They're shooting! They're shooting! Oh god! Oh god! Maya, Maya, Maya! MAYA (still with her face buried into her pillow) Unless you're the tooth fairy, or you're just gonna leave money under pillow, you just ruined my best Zac Effron dream yet. So you can expect to find your BUTT super glued to the toilet in the near future. JADE Alix has gone crazy! She and Terry! They broke into my window! And they're hunting me down! Maya finally looks up at her panicked sister. Or tries to at least, her blond hair falls messily in front of her face. MAYA Just go out there and say, here I am don't shoot me. Jade nods her assent and rushes out into the hallway with an eagerness to end this charade. JADE Here I am! Don't shoot me! BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG Jade rushes back into the room with an eagerness to not die. JADE That didn't work! Why did you tell me to do that? They shot more! MAYA I just wanted to see if you'd do it. There's some M16's and a few grenades under my bed. Use that. Thankful for Maya's help, Jade dives beneath her bed and pushes aside her Tiger Beats and Cosmo Girls to find the weapons. JADE I don't see anything. MAYA Look in the black box. JADE I see it! Jade pulls out the black box and opens it to see this... MAYA HAHAHAHAH. Why would I have M16's I'm not even old enough to play Grand Theft Auto! Hey, relax a bit, this is all part of Alix's training you for Malaysia, right. JADE Huh? How do you know? MAYA Because I'm s'posed to be the stupid demolitions expert. I just had better things to do at two in the morning. Like sleep. JADE But, then, how I do pass? How do we stop this craziness so we can clean up before Mom gets home and we're all put up for adoption, deported, or dumped in the Pacific Ocean to a watery grave? MAYA If this is part of Alix's training, then just go out there and put whatever you've learned to use. Okay? JADE Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks Maya. Jade gives Maya a loving big sister hug, that's extra tight from the joy she feels now that she knows she's not going to die. MAYA Why the touching? Why the touching? Jade leaves Maya to try and go back to dreaming about Mister High School Musical, Zac Efforn and trots out to the hallway with new found confidence. This confidence is immediately put to the test by the sight of MEL standing atop a black four wheeler painted with an OAOAST symbol with a look of lecherous insanity filling his wide eyes. MEL Foxy lady! I'm comin ta getcha! JADE He is not on a four wheeler. MEL WHOOOO-HAAAAAA! As MEL's wild expression turns even crazier and fills Jade with even more dread, the Nerdly twin zooms forward and cackles with glee. JADE He is on a four wheeler! As Krista's training never covered attempted vehicular homicide, Jade tries to rush down the hallway to the stairs. But MEL is much too fast for her, thus she's forced to dive into the nearest room to avoid being captured by him. Frustrated by Jade's avoidance, MEL screeches to a halt and revs and fires his engine in and effort to show his dominant presence. MEL Jade, come out and plaaaaaaaaaaaay! The bathroom door slides open just a tad, and from its side a seemingly topless Jade peers out with a darling come hither look forming across her face. JADE (beckoning MEL with her finger) Why don't you come and play with me, honey? MEL Helllloooooo, gorgeous girl! MEL certainly can't resist the lovely invite of the delicious young lady and zooms forward to fetch his treasure. But as wheels cruise down the hallway, and his mouth continues his unusual giggling, the previously unoticed second door to the bathroom swings open! By the time the door does become noticed by MEL, he smashing into face first. A booming thud combines with a downpour of splinters from the wood to create a chaotic scene as MEL crashes to the ground. His four wheeler rumbles loudly but harmlessly, as his wiped out body is strewn about the floor in the aftermath of Jade's trickery. Wrapped in a towel, Jade steps into the hall with far more pity for her victim then her mother would ever have. JADE Will Mom be proud I used my sexuality to lure, trick, and possibly maim a sex hungry member of the oppressive male gender or will she be mad my challenge to Malaysia has done thousands of dollars of damage to her house? I wonder how much a bus ticket back to Grand Rapids would cost? Ignoring her possible need to relocate her crashed and burnt friend, the towel clad blond skedaddles down to the second floor. Unfortunately as she reaches the final step, she sees that her passageway is dangerously blocked by the machete wielding MARV. Like his brother, MARV's camouflaged face flames with that same disturbed expression, but unlike his brother he's strangely disinterested in the fact that she's wearing nothing more than a towel. JADE Can I get by please? MARV Your legs and arms can, but your torso and head gotta stay where they are. Heheheheh. JADE MARV, just move out the way. MARV Its not MARV, its Codename Cobra. Get it right! JADE Fine, Cobra... MARV No! Codename Cobra! JADE I said that! MARV No you didn't, man. Its Codename Cobra. One name! Like Mexico. We don't just say Ico. We say the Mex to. JADE Well, Codename Cobra, I'm really sorry about your face. MARV Huh? What's wrong with my face? Jade slugs MARV in the jaw, knocking him against the wall! JADE That's what's wrong with it. She pushes him aside and trots down the hallway, smiling over the fact that she's almost to the first floor. MARV Target is on the move! Target is on the move! Down the stairs goes Jade, but up them comes Terry Taylor, trying to avoid noticing the daughter of his boss is in only a towel, and still with that apologetic puppy dog expression that's in such contrast to the psychotic acting of her other attackers. Terry weakly raises his hands in a stance that's half a plea for mercy and half one that looks to start a fight he knows he can't win. TERRY Jade, Alix is maki... Jade knees Terry in the balls! As the rooster sags to the floor, crying over his continued emasculation, Jade smiles a wide self satisfied smile and continues her run towards the front door. JADE Hey, Mom is right, that is lots of fun! So much so, that Jade rushes back up the stairway to merely knee Terry in the balls once more. Delighting in that attack just as much as the one previous, Jade takes an overjoyed leap to the first floor hallway. But as her bugs bunny slippers touch down on the marble floor, her happiness is tempered somewhat by the worrying sound of a chainsaw, screaming out its hunger for a bloody victim. Its equally blood lusting owner is a hockey mask wearing Melody Nerdly, standing inside the moonlight that creeps in from the windows. JADE Melody! Uh...hi there. I guess I got Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide. I got no where to run to, no where to hide. Take it away, Mel! MELODY Huh? Realizing that her chainsaw wielding foe isn't very knowledgeable of old Motown hits, and surprised that even she is, Jade pauses for a moment to rethink her strategy. JADE Tailor the trick to their personality, tailor the trick to their personality. (Jade turns back to Melody) Before you hack me up like a Chef's Salad, I have a last request for you. MELODY Go on, just because I'm holding a chainsaw doesn't make me an evil person. JADE You have such a great voice, and such an amazing knowledge of Weird Al Yankovic's awesome library of witty, intelligent, and culturally relevant songs. MELODY I am head of his biggest Yahoo group, yes. JADE Right. So, maybe, being that this is a proud Jewish home and all you could sing Pretty Fly for a Rabbi? MELODY You have wake up pretty early in the morning to fool a charter member of the Vulcan Earth embassy like me. I saw this trick on the Simpsons. Seventeen times to be exact, four times on TV, six times on Youtube, and seven on DVD and/or Blu-Ray. Bart tricks Sideshow Bob into singing him a song, waiting until the boat they were on reaches a shore where Police chief Wiggum was at a brothel. But there's no Police Chief Wiggum here besides the tattoo on my back, and Alix closes the brothel at eleven. So to quote Sideshow Bob, played by Kelsey Grammar, “I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to hell” MELODY (singing) Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past, but most of them were nudniks and none of 'em would last, but our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick, I tell ya he's to die for he really knows his schtick! MELODY AND JADE So how's by you, have you seen this Jew? Reads the Torah, does his own accounting to. Working like a dog at the synagogue, he's there all day, he's there all day. Just say Vay Iz mir and he'll kick you into gear, he'll bring you lots of cheers and maybe bagels and some shmeer. Just grab your yamaca and Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing! SUPERKICK BY JADE JADE (very apologetically) Sorry, Melody, I didn't want to. Thankfully Melody is wearing a hockey mask after all, so she's not exactly hurt. But her role in thus little piece is over, now giving way to Alix who steps through the shadows applauding Jade's efforts thus far like a cynical movie villain. JADE Alix, thank god! Can we um...finally stop this now? On director Molly's cue, Alix steps forward just slightly enough that a shard of light illuminates half her face leaving the other half in total darkness. She'd strike a truly imposing figure were she not 5'7 and barely over a hundred pounds. ALIX Well, well, looks like the cat just got into the orphanage JADE What? That doesn't mean anything, Ally! ALIX (chewing on a leaf) Old man Joseph done sold time's cradle JADE That also doesn't mean anything. Are you eating the artificial plant, Ally? Alix spits out what really is an artificial plant, and glares at Jade. ALIX Sorry, Jade, but the salamander's finally sewed the owl's quilt. JADE What does that mean? Jade finds out the exact answer to that when more gunfire comes screaming towards her head! Though she'd love to stay and debate the merits of Alix's idioms the fact that Melody, Alix, Terry, MARV and MEL have all decided to unleash unholy hell upon her with some of the deadliest hand held weapons known to man, have returned her to the task of running for her very life. ALIX (using the Samuel L Jackson voice) You can't out run me! I'm a bonafide bad motherfucker! Jade's running across the front lawn away from the bonafide bad motherfucker and her less bad but still pretty mean motherfucking friends looks quite a bit like this.... (skip to 1:58 plz) Jade isn't exactly shot after her movie poster worthy kneeling death pose, thank god, rather she's tackled to the ground by Alix. Giggling with a girlish glee, Alix mounts Jade, and begins happily tossling her hair as the others catch up to them. ALIX Jadeycakes, ya did it! You passed! You passed! I'm so berry berry proud of you! Yay! You rock, babydoll! You're so ready for Malaysia! I don't know if she's gonna have a chainsaw, or an ATV, or two weeks of training with the Navy Seals, but if she does, woah is she screwed! JADE So this really was a test? Breaking into my room, shooting at me, chasing me up and down my house, trying to run me down with four wheelers, threatening to dismember me, attacking me with chainsaws, running me out here in a bath towel and now there are worms crawling up my legs, all a test. MOLLY Yes, ma'am. All a terrible, frighteningly horrible test. ALIX You're not mad are ya, Jadeycakes? JADE Um...no...why would I be mad? ALIX You're not just saying that because I have a loaded gun pointed at you? TERRY They aren't even loaded with real ammo. Its all blanks. See? Terry shoots himself in the stomach...and falls to the ground in immeasurable, indescribable pain. TERRY Don't...Don't...Don't let my death be in vain. Live. Love. Be free. MARV Oh fuck, man, the dude actually died! MEL Celebratory joint? FEMALE VOICE (off screen) He didn't die. I just threw a brick at him. Everyone's turns around expecting to see Krista coming to verbally rip to shreds, but are somewhat relieved to see of all people actress Gwyneth Paltrow, Krista's neighbor, approaching in a night robe. She hovers over Alix and Jade, staring down at him with an outraged disapproval. GWYNETH Do you people have any idea what time it is? And what exactly you're doing at what time it is? And that I'm trying to sleep? And that I have children trying to sleep? Jade, your mother, if she were here, she'd be very disappointed in you. I know I am. JADE Wha...what? They attacked me! I didn't do anything but run away! GWYNETH The two twins are stoners, the little blond girl is a director you can't have any faith in them, the taller blond girl I've never seen at the house, but I bet there's something wrong with her. Alix is crazy, Terry's a yes man, so that leaves you, Jade. Your fault. JADE But...but...but.... ALIX (to Gwyneth) Hey, you wanna go see Les Miserables with us? GWYNETH The musical? Now? Right now at two in the morning? Yeah sure! Jade go wake up your little sister, I'm driving! And with that the gang all heads to whatever car she has big enough to hold eight people, leaving Jade behind to go fetch Maya and wonder if she was better off just managing D*LUX. THE RODEZ THROUGH HELL A Molly Nerdly Film Starring...Alix Maria Spezia and Jade Rodez-Duncan With MARV Nerdly and MEL Nerdly Melody Nerdly Gwyneth Paltrow Terry Taylor And Maya Duncan-Blanchard Camptown ladies sing this song Doo Dah! Doo Dah! Camptown racetrack five miles long Oh! Doo-dah-day! I come down wid my hat caved in! Doo-dah! COMMERCIAL ANGLESLAM 2008 ***OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE*** MALAYSIA NERDLY Vs JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN AUGUST 31st 2008

COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and... oh lord, what is this!? Groans fill the air as to the ring heads Biff Atlas, taking great care as to avoid any trailing wires or upturned carpeting. Biff lurches his arm away from outstretched hands a couple of times in fear of coming into range of contamination from any germ carriers in the crowd. Not specifically because we're in Alabama, you understand. But you couldn't blame him. Carrying in his hand a clipboard, Biff hand-crawls his way carefully up the ring steps, edging across the ring apron and entering through the bottom and middle ropes. COLE Last week on our sister show OAOAST Syndicated, Biff was carrying around some sort of petition he's drawn up... possibly in crayon... trying to get all fans banned from arenas for being too blood-thirsty and creating danger in the OAOAST. I could sit here all day and come up with reasons why that's completely ludicrous, but I wouldn't know where to begin. Pulling a cleansing wipe from his pocket, Biff cleans the microphone before accepting it from Michael Buffer. COACH First of all, crayons are much safer than pens or pencils. COLE Oh for crying out loud! BIFF Ladies and gentlemen... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BIFF Please, please. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I am here on important business. Life saving business! So, please settle yourselves down, take a long deep breath, settle back into your chairs, because stress is a killer. Sir... sir... please. Biff tries to calm one fan in particular in the front row flipping him the bird. The personal attention given to him just makes him much more eager to show himself up on live TV flip off Biff though. As Biff is attending to this gentlemen, another fan yells at Biff to "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU", causing Biff to jerk around in fear of what's awaiting him. COLE Ha-ha! BIFF You see this is exactly the kind of disruptive behaviour I am trying to eradicate before somebody gets hurt around here! You people... *scratches his leg*... ah, darned rash. You people are putting the OAOAST personnel in danger. And I... *scratches again*... I'm sorry, just, give me a second here... As Biff continues scratching, he's forced to stop talking. The crowd grow restless and that naturally unnerves Biff. BIFF No please, please settle down. Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. Everybody please stay seated, we do not want to risk a stampede situation. Security personnel, if you can hear me, please restore order while I just very quickly apply this ointment... "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" BIFF NO! NO, DON'T SAY THAT! Lower your voices, raising your voices increases the risk of throat cancer! Just please... I... *scratches*... I'm sorry, I really need to apply this medication before the infection spreads to my lungs. Could somebody please help me with the application whilst I speak before we have a riot on our hands? Somebody CLEAN! COLE This is absurd. With no volunteers making themselves known, Biff tries to call on Michael Buffer to do the honours with the cream on his upper thigh. But Buffer is still insulted over the implication his microphone was dirty and refuses. Looks to camera-men don't work either and poor Biff is facing an unenviable situation, needing to speak to prevent a riot, but needing to apply his medicated cream also. "IT'S RAININ' MEN! Hallejulah IT'S RAININ' MEN! Amen" Luckily, help is on his way. COLE Oh no! Out from the back to a much warmer reception skip Los Diablos De Fuego, VERY happy to help Biff out in his time of need! Biff's eyes widen a little as the fruity luchadors rush the ring, Moracca sliding in first, only for Mariachi to pull him back out and insist he's the man for the job. After a brief scrap they both slide in and huddle over to Biff asking for the cream. BIFF You... you two? ...are you clean? Both men nod their heads eagerly. BIFF I don't know, I can't have unauthorized hands touching my skin. You can never be too careful with skincare. Is there anyone else? Moracca looks to sweeten the deal by pulling off his pink glove and LICKING HIS HAND CLEAN, showing the phlegm covered palm to Biff and insists in broken English "IS CLEAN, IS CLEAN!" Going one better, Mariachi pulls a rubber glove from his boot and stretches it on. BIFF I admire your health conscience, but really, I think I'd be best consulting a medical professional. A sterilised medical professional. You two are... well, how can I put this... your lifestyle is very unsafe. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What's that supposed to mean? COACH I know what it means! I wanna know why these people are booing, if they're actually disagreeing with Biff then I got Alabama down all wrong pact! BIFF No offence, but I really don't know where you two have been. Moracca and Mariachi try to explain where they've been and you can all fill in the blanks about where they're pointing folks! BIFF Much as I'm in medical need right now, no. Coming into contact with you is a risk I'm just not willing to take. Especially not after what you did to me two weeks ago! Very unsafe. Infact, ever since then I've been feeling the effects of... *eyes widen*... this rash... oh my God! YOU! Biff starts to freak out and tries to run from the ring, but Los Diablos catch him and tackle him to the ground, to huge cheers! Grabbing the rash cream Mariachi starts to prepare for application. Biff fights and squirms to get free and starts having a mini-panic attack, forcing Los Diablos to try and calm him down. And calm him down the best way they know how, as Biff fights to his feet but gets trapped in the Double Bearhug!! COLE HOMIES HUG! Screaming in fear, Biff wails away, "MY RASH, MY RASH!" as Los Diablos place their calming hands all over his body. Luckily for Biff, VINNY VALENTINE hits the ring and breaks the hug up. Free of the luchadors in love, Biff rolls out of the ring and SPRINTS for his very life, covering his BUTT protectively with his hands. Meanwhile, Vinny having hit the ring to make the save is left alone yelling at Biff to come back and help him out. Help he could have done with, as Los Diablos hook him up and give him a peck on the cheeks, before planting him face-first with the Double Flatliner! COLE Vinny Valentine has just tasted The Kiss Of Death. And I hope somebody backstage knows the kiss of life for Biff Atlas' sake. COACH And these people cheer? Are we really in Alabama!? With Vinny V laid out, Los Diablos perform over his fallen body, not so much disco dancing and dirty dancing as we fade away. COMMERCIAL

COLE Sunday night, August 31st we will see Jade Rodez-Duncan challenging for the OAOAST Women's Championship against the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns who has been dominanting the women's division since her arrival, Malaysia Nerdly. We've already seen Jade in training for this huge challenge. Earlier this week, our cameras caught up with the Champion and this is what she had to say. We open up in what a helpful graphic on screen informs us is the Nerdly family basement in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Not unlike most basements, it's not a grand room. Infact it looks old and crumbling, the white paintwork on the walls greyed and distressed in places over the years, the wooden ceiling worn down. The basement is home to plenty of gym apparatus, a few workbenches, a large collection of weights set up in one corner. Strangely, there are some reddish stains on the old green carpeting near some of the benches. And I can't quite explain why one weight bench has RESTRAINTS built in. But suffice is to say, there's a slightly unnerving feel about the whole place. The only person who would ever dream of calling this 'home' is Malaysia Nerdly, who stands in the centre of the broken down basement with a sick smile on her face. Which is her usual smile. But no less sick for it. With the OAOAST Women's Title the one bright and pretty object in the entire basement, Malaysia stares into the camera for a couple of seconds, holding her trusty cat o' nine tails in one hand. MALAYSIA So Jade... it seems you can't get enough of me. Well, that's good. Because I just can't get enough of you Jade. Walking across the basement, Malaysia runs her index finger up and down a steel bar on one of the weight machines, seemingly lost in her thoughts. MALAYSIA Our past meetings have been so much fun Jade. I can still hear you screaming in pain as I put you in my inverted crab. I can still see the tears in your eyes as I pulled on that pretty blonde hair, trod on your neck... choked you, seeing you cough and splutter for breath, your face turning that beautiful shade of purple..... Getting a little over-excited, Malaysia sits down on a bench, breathing deeply. With a smile on her face, she grips the handle on her cat o' nine tails that bit tighter. MALAYSIA Every time you've stepped in the ring with me, I've hurt you. What makes you think AngleSlam will be any different Jade? It's not. Because that's what I do Jade. I hurt people. I feed off of other people's pain and suffering. It... excites me. And the fact that you keep coming back for more... it just makes you all that more... enticing, Jade. Some people, they just can't take the pain. They don't enjoy it, like I do. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're a glutton... for my punishment. Malaysia stands back up, panting ever so slightly and biting her bottom lip. MALAYSIA Jade, those first two times in the ring with you, they felt so good. I can't imagine how good it's going to feel at AngleSlam. Because I've seen you in training Jade. And this time, I think you might be ready... *THWACK!* Malaysia turns around and cracks the cat o' nine tails against the wall, slashing the dried paint off of the brickwork. MALAYSIA ...for the next level. HAHAHAHA! With a chilling laugh and smile from Malaysia, the footage comes to an end in an abrupt scene of static. (BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL) COLE ...okay, I'll say it. That was really creepy. COACH *fapfapfapfap* COLE Do you have to do that now!? COACH Oh, sorry. Pulling his hands out from under the table, Coach sets down his ball and paddle sadly. COLE Thank you. COACH No problem. Mind if I whack one off now I'm done with that? COLE I hate you so much. Moving on from Coach's masturbatory habits. Folks, it's time for our second semifinal match in the Money in the Bank tournament, the winner going on to face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam in 10 days! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...this is our second of two Money in the Bank tournament semifinal matches! Tonight, in the ongoing battle for stable supremacy in the OAOAST, two men...two leaders of these dominant stables...will do battle for the first time ever! The winner will advance to the finals at AngleSlam, August 31, from San Antonio, Texas, to face Krista Isadora Duncan. ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Mobile, Alabama...ARRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYYYYOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Mobile, and the millions watching all around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE EEEE!!!!! *crowd cheers* Magnum Opus hits, and the cheers intensify as Alf walks through the curtains. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...wearing black plants with white trim, and white shirt, and weighing in at 236 1/2 pounds! Truly a trailblazer of this company, tonight he fights for tradition, as he takes one more step back to the top of the mountain. Ladies and gentlemen...the leader of the Deadly Alliance...a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! Alf rolls into the ring and poses on the buckles, as the crowd continues to cheer him on. COLE Alf, on his way to this match, defeating Baron Windels in the first round, then gaining a controversial victory over the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, thanks to the help of a barbed wire bat! Alf stands in a corner, as his music dies down. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* Megalomaniac by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. BUFFER His opponent...wearing yellow and red, with white letters, and weighing in at an even 208 pounds...this man has taken the OAOAST by storm over the last year, and looks to return to the World championship status which he held at this time one year ago. Accompanied by his "Perfect 10", Megan Skye...ladies and gentlemen...the leader of Cucaracha Internacional...a former four-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!! Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon's road includes two very impressive victories, one over the Enterprise's Christian Wright, then in the last round against the United States champion, Colombian Heat! Alf just looks on as Landon does his thing in mid-ring, then Megan steps out and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Landon and Alf slowly approach each other in mid-ring, then face off, as a chant builds up. "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" COACH Well, it's obvious who the crowd favorite is here, Cole! Alf and Landon back away from one another, then circle the ring, and tie up. Alf backs Landon into a corner, but Landon reverses, and backs Alf in. Landon starts to break, but delivers a shot to the gut. He then delivers some kicks to the gut, and talks a bit of trash. COLE Landon gaining an advantage early on, and talking some trash to Alf! Landon whips Alf across, and charges, but Alf springs himself over, then executes an armdrag! Landon gets to his feet, and charges into a drop toe hold, then Alf kneels over his back and paintbrushes him! COLE And look at this, both guys trying to get under the skin of the other early on! Landon rolls into a corner, holding the back of his head while staring at Alf, who motions for him to "come on." Landon slowly gets to his feet, moves in, and the two tie up. Landon grabs a side headlock, but Alf backs him into the ropes, then shoves him off. Landon comes back, and takes Alf to the mat with a shouldercheck. Landon then runs to the ropes, as Alf rolls to his stomach. Alf gets to his feet and executes a leapfrog, then drops down and executes a reverse monkeyflip! A groggy Landon gets to his feet, and is clotheslined to the floor! COLE Alf on a roll early on, and maybe he will advance to face Krista at AngleSlam! Alf lets Landon climb to the apron, then snapmares him back over the ropes, and drags him into the corner. COACH Oh no, not this! Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Landon screams in pain and drops to his knees, forming an X with his arms across his chest. COLE Landon hates those knife-edge chops, and there's no one in the business who lays them in like Alf does! Alf drags him back up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf pulls Landon out to mid-ring, and executes a snap suplex! He follows up with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts backstage, showing a split-screen of Cucaracha Internacional members sitting in chairs watching the match on the left, and Deadly Alliance members on the right, standing around a monitor. COACH Look at this! COLE And there you see the units, intently watching this one, seeing how their leaders fare here in the semifinals of the Money in the Bank tournament! Landon reverses an Irish whip, but puts his head down, and Alf catches him with a swinging neckbreaker! James Blonde cringes in the back, as Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts back to the ring, as Alf sets up Landon on the ropes, and attempts another Irish whip. Landon reverses once again, then drops down, then executes a leapfrog, then catches Alf with a flying forearm! After hitting Alf, Landon spins around and lands on his knees, with his back to Alf's head. He then postures to the crowd, drawing boos. COLE Landon with a big flying forearm, and the tide has turned here! Landon covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon stomps away at Alf, until he rolls to the floor. Landon follows, then scoops up Alf, and rams his lower back into the ringpost! COLE And Alf with his back into the steel ringpost! Landon rolls Alf back inside, then picks him up and scoop slams him, then executes his double stomp/back senton combo! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon sets up Alf for an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf executes a leapfrog, but Landon catches him with the THESZ PLANT~! COLE Landon with the Thesz Plant, and the hook of the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon complains to the referee about the count, to no avail. He then backs Alf into a corner, and delivers some quick kicks, then attempts to whip Alf across. Alf reverses, and Landon springs to the middle rope, and comes back with a bodypress...but Alf rolls through! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon knocks Alf back to the mat with a double axhandle, and Alf rolls to the apron. Landon attempts a suplex back inside, but Alf slips behind the back and grabs a rear waistlock. He attempts a German suplex, but Landon flips over to his feet, and executes a BACKCRACKER~! COLE Backcracker by Landon! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon picks up Alf, and attempts a suplex...but Alf rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon catches Alf with a seated dropkick, then lays to catch his breath. When he does, he gets to his feet and whips Alf into the ropes, going for a gutwrench, but Alf spins through to his feet...then scoops up Landon, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE BIG tombstone piledriver by Alf! Alf falls back down to the mat, and the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Alf sits up, and starts to get to his feet. Landon rolls over to the ropes and pulls himself up, then makes his way to Alf, who catches him with a reverse atomic drop, followed by a Hart Attack clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf gets to his feet, and waits on Landon to get up...then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Landon has the prescence of mind to roll into a corner, and begs off. Alf stalks him into the corner, then drags him out by his foot. Landon is able to push himself up as this is happening, and floors Alf with an ENZIGURI~! COLE Landon right back with an enziguri! COACH What a match this is, Cole! Landon rests from his knees, then climbs to the top. As he gets to the top, however, Alf gets to his feet, and racks him on the top! COACH Alf's going up! Alf follows Landon up, and brings him down with a SUPERPLEX~! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Could this be it? Alf drapes an arm over... 1... 2... NO! Landon gets a shoulder up! Alf picks up Landon, and delivers right hands. Landon takes a big swing, which Alf ducks, and locks in a sleeper! COLE Sleeper hold applied now! Landon makes it to the ropes, and as the referee moves to separate them, raises his leg up and low blows Alf! COLE Landon with a low blow, the referee didn't see it! Landon picks up Alf, and signals for the end. COACH Landon says he's gonna end it here! Landon scoops Alf onto his shoulders... COLE Could be the GTS here! Landon brings Alf down onto his knee...which Alf blocks, trips Landon up, and, much to the delight of the fans, locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! COACH I don't know if Landon can survive this, Cole! Landon screams in pain as he reaches for the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE Right back in the middle! Alf is going to go to AngleSlam! Just then, Megan Skye hops onto the apron. COACH Not if Megan's got anything to say about it! Alf starts to release the hold after seeing Megan...then shoots her the bird, and cinches right back in on it! COLE And Alf unaffected by the prescence of Megan Skye! At that point, Megan comes into the ring, and removes a can of hairspray from her purse. Alf releases the hold, and sarcastically begs off into a corner, as Reject slides into the ring behind Megan, into a three-point stance. COLE Oh no, look at this... Alf raises his arms into the air, as if he were being stuck up, then Megan turns around...right into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COLE Reject with the Eulogy on Megan Skye! Give me a break! Reject stares down on Megan, as the referee angrily motions for him to leave the ring. Meanwhile, Alf climbs to the outside and rummages under the ring, and Landon crawls over to Megan. COLE Landon over to check on Megan here, yet another heinous attack on a defenseless female by the demented Reject! Landon makes it over to Megan, shaking her lightly. And when she doesn't respond, he immediately gives up and starts to route through the purse of Megan, pulling a set of brass knuckles out. COLE Landon's not checking on her at all, he just wanted a foreign object! And he's got one! Alf then pulls a BARBED WIRE BAT from under the ring! COACH Uh-oh, and so does Alf! Landon sneakily loads the knucks into his kneepad, as more referees make their way out to force Reject away. Alf rolls into the ring, and shoves Megan to the floor with his foot, then waits for Landon to get up. When he does, Alf raises the bat in the air...but Landon delivers a knee to the gut! COLE OH! Landon with a knee to the stomach, and remember that kneepad is loaded! Landon then scoops the doubled-up Alf onto his shoulders...and delivers the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the GTS, right onto the loaded kneepad! The referee finally turns around, and slides back inside as Landon covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Landon Maddix is going to AngleSlam! BUFFER The winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the Money in the Bank tournament...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!! The referee raises the hand of Landon, who is wore out on his knees. COLE Landon will now face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam, for the money and the contract! What a match! COACH Can you imagine if Mr. Moneymaker had to give his money to Landon Maddix? COLE The match should be most interesting, there's no doubt about it! As Alf starts to come to in the ring, Landon has rolled outside and punches the air in celebration. It's only now that he shows any recognition of Megan unconscious to his left, picking her up in his arms, her condition doing nothing to dampen the BIG smile on his face! He starts down the aisle, but then notices Reject still being forced back, and decides instead to exit through the crowd. COACH And that's probably a good decision right there, you don't to take Megan too close to that guy right now! COLE Alf gave it a great effort, but our Money in the Bank finals is set for AngleSlam, Krista Isadora Duncan vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! Landon tries to get over the barrier with Megan but struggles, so hangs her uncerimoniously over the barrier for a second while he climbs over. Still beaming, Landon heaves Megan back up off the barricade and gives her a pat on the BUTT for a job well done as he carries her unconscious body through the crowd. COACH Who says chivalry is dead!? COLE Oh brother. COMMERCIAL ANGLESLAM 2008 MONEY IN THE BANK FINAL KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN Vs LANDON MADDIX AUGUST 31st

Backstage we go into the locker room of Cucaracha Internacional, a scene of high tension at the moment. James Blonde and Megan Skye, nursing a sore neck from the Eulogy she suffered last week, sit at the back of the room watching pensively at the scene in front of them. In a bad mood, badder than usual, Nathaniel Black paces around in front of Landon, who is sat with his head frustratedly cupped in his hands. BLACK So, somebody care to explain just what in the 'ell went on last week? Or ain't I supposed to be 'in on the plan'? MADDIX Look do we really have to go through this now Nate? I've got a big match to be preparing for, this isn't exactly ideal timing... BLACK Yeah well, it ain't an ideal situation all round, is it? The whole point of me fightin' Malibu again last week was to put this thing to bed, once an' for all. That's the line you fed me before we went an' spoke to Baker. Well, it ain't even close to bedtime yet mate. You know BLOODY WELL that I 'aven't proven a damn thing! That's not how I wanted to beat Malibu! MADDIX I know, I know. It's not how I wanted you to beat Malibu either. BLACK Then why were you in the ring with a steel chair in the first place, 'ay!? Landon stammers around for an answer, one that won't incriminate himself further. And he comes up blank. BLACK And what the hell are we doin' getting involved with The Enterprise anyway, you know we can't trust them! MADDIX Look, I swear I didn't know that was going to happen, okay. ...I admit, I came out to give you a helping hand... Black gives Landon an incredulous look. BLACK I don't NEED any bleedin' 'elp, how many times do I 'ave to tell you!? I am better than Zack Malibu. MADDIX I know, I know, but I just wanted to be double sure. Listen, I want this thing over as much as you do and as soon as possible, believe me. Not least because you're getting too distracted Nate. All I hear is Zack this, Zack that, "bloody Zack", "soddin' Zack"... you're getting obsessed. And the longer you're obsessed, the more distracted you are with everything else and the less useful you are to Cucaracha Internacional. BLACK I don't... MADDIX ...care about Cucaracha Internacional, I know and that's the problem! You're getting so worked up with getting this win that you're saying to hell with everything else, everybody else. You're going into business for yourself. And I can't let you do that as well, we've already got one off the rails. Which is why I wanted to make certain you got the win you need, that you DESERVE. Hell I know you're better than Zack Malibu! So I came out, as your leader, to make sure. Everything after that was as much a shock to me as it was you. There is, was and will be no deals between us and The Enterprise. Nobody else matters. This right here in this room is the elite force in the OAOAST... at least, it is at the moment. You can't vilify me for caring too much, can you? Scoffing under his breath, Nathaniel shakes his head. BLACK I can give it a bloody good go. MADDIX James, talk to him would you? James Blonde stands up. BLONDE Look, Nate, I... BLACK 'Ush your gums mate. James Blonde sits back down. BLACK Listen, I ain't through with Zack, not by a longshot. And I ain't 'appy about what went down neither. But you don't 'ave to worry about me bein' a team player, alright? Just trust me. This thing with Malibu, quite frankly, it ain't Cucaracha business. Anything that is, count me in. Sighing, Landon leans back in his chair for a second, then takes a look across the room. MADDIX James, remember that Battle Royal at AngleSlam? BLONDE Absolutely! MADDIX Yeah, you're out. Nate, you're in. Realising what this means for his chances of another match with Zack, Black puts his hands on his hips. But he soon calms and nods his head grateful at the opportunity. As he then heads off to cool down, Landon turns over to Megan, comforting the sulking Blonde. MADDIX We're going have to keep a close eye on him. Cut to elsewhere backstage, where the Deadly Alliance is having a discussion. ALFDOGG This is a big time for the Deadly Alliance, boys. Two weeks ago, I did what I said I was gonna, and I left that big In-Crowd baboon laying, and sent him climbing back up his tree. Tonight, I get a shot at Landon Maddix. It won't be long before everyone realizes who the premier unit in the wrestling world is. Alf looks over at Reject. ALF Now...suppose Landon's little bimbo decides to get involved here. That's where the R-Man comes in. Just give her a little reminder of Molly, a little reminder of what happens when a woman sticks her nose in a man's business. Reject, half-smiling, nods in agreement. ALF Speaking of you two, you have that TLC match coming up at AngleSlam. And one of the teams in that is a representative of the Enterprise. You've got to send them a message. And I know that when you get out there with all those tables, and ladders, and chairs, your eyes light up like Leon Rodez at a Nerdly family reunion. TK chuckles, as Reject again nods in agreement. ALF We've got to send a message, to EVERYONE. This is about tradition, guys! The reason why the In-Crowd got back together, and why groups like the Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional exist, is because the Deadly Alliance made it cool. We run this game! And we've got to let everyone know that. And it continues tonight. Let's do this thing. Alf walks off, as do Sandman and Thunderkid. Reject starts to walk off, as well, but before he can, the Burrough Boys come barreling through the door. LUTHER Yo dawg, what's happ'nin? Reject doesn't say anything. MARIANO Whoa, we come in peace, we come in peace! Now look playboy, I know we was beefin' awhile back, but that's in the past, baby! And the truth is, we feel yo pain on what that Maggie bitch did to you, dawg! QUINCY Yeah man, that ain't coo'. MARIANO But my man Waldo can make it all right for ya. Tell 'em what's up, boy. WALDO Yo baby, my cousins fittin' ta come meet us on the road in the near future, I'm talkin' bout some big, 250-pound bitches! These bitches know how ta scrap, know how ta get down 'n' dirty! What I'm sayin' is, homey, you just say the word, and we'll unleash the hounds on that lil' skank ho, what you say? Reject puts his head down and lets it all sink in, then looks back up at his former friends. REJECT Well, I appreciate that you guys came here to clear the air with me. And I do appreciate your offer. But it won't be necessary. Someday our paths are going to cross again. And when we do..."down 'n' dirty" would be a blessing for her. The Burrough Boys have looks of half-approval, half-freaked out on their faces, as the camera zooms in on Reject's angry, intent-filled face. COACH Hell hath no fury like a Reject scorned! COMING UP NEXT THE FINAL MONEY IN THE BANK SEMI FINAL MATCH LANDON MADDIX Vs ALFDOGG WINNER ADVANCES TO ANGLESLAM TO FACE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN NEXT!!

from the Mobile Civic Center which seats a GIGANTIC....get ready for this one....6,120 people. I SAY GOD DAMN!

In a couple of hours. we were missing a more than a few key segments, but problem solved. kinda. sort of. actually no not really.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: August 15th, 2008 First air date: August 17th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan The show ain't even started yet and the party still jumpin on The Heavenly Rockers tour bus (with armed security to protect against a pissed off In Crowd!) where invited guest Megan Sky crushed a cup of wine with Holly, Abdullah and the boys from sin city. While Abdullah was eager to hit her up for a charitable contribution to his temple, Megan was there to discuss an issue that routinely hounds she and her spanish beau, that issue being Todd Cortez. The Perfect 10 told her gracious hosts that she and Landon have tried everything short of lobotomies and electroshock therapy to corral the unruly Cortez, yet have had no success. Holly seriously wondered why castration hadn't been used, with Megan replying that its to expensive to take out the SWF budget. Thus she was wondering if Abdullah or Synth might be able to offer some spiritual guidance to Cortez that could make him more obedient towards Maddix. Abdullah sadly shook his head, saying that he's watched Cortez and that he's far beyond conventional methods of Muslim wisdom. But, he told Megan not to despair, as when the teachings of the honorable prophets fail, the teachings of a good beating would not. Logan quit strumming his acoustic guitar, and told Megan he and Synth would be happy to instill some discipline and humility in the rebellious Urban Legend. Give us your poor, your malformed, your miscreant, and your criminal, and KC and I will find some zany shit for them, and I will contemplate using them in a shower non consent/reluctance sex scene. On this week's edition of syndicated, TV's most homoerotic television program since Studs, we present to you Jamie O'Hara and Spanish Fly team together to face the Mardi Gras Homewrecking. The Heavenly Rockers meeting up with Todd Cortez and so much more. So very much more! ***”The Urban Legend” Todd Cortez Vs “The Only Rock N Wrestling Band That Matters” The Heavenly Rockers W/Holly Mann(name change!)*** To begin the contest Cortez and Synth engaged in a slow feeling out process, the intensity of which picked up quite a bit when Synth backed The Urban Legend into the corner and chopped him in the throat. This did not sit well with Cortez and he retaliated with a shoulder tackle and a clothesline that sent Abdul Jabbar bailing outside the ring. Cortez, of course gave chase, but as Synth climbed back into the ring, Holly held onto his leg allowing Synth to hit a baseball slide and Logan to drop a flipping body splash onto Cortez's head. With Logan in the ring, Cortez's neck was given a hellish pounding by the rockstar's various neckbreakers. After reversing Cortez's own twisting neckbreaker into one of his one, Logan grounded him with a full nelson on the mat. Though the hold was dreadfully painful, Cortez took support from the audience, and fought to his feet. He burst through Logan's submission and charged to the ropes. However, Synth caught him with a knee to the back, and Logan floored him with a wicked left hand! Synth tagged himself back into the match, and built on the damage Logan caused to Cortez' neck. Abdul Jabar wasn't quite as successful as his partner, though, as Cortez fought back to hit him with a pump handle slam! He looked to flatten a dazed and wounded Synth with the Riot Act Plus, but was distracted by Logan mocking him on the apron. He charged Mann, only to be rolled up into a near fall by a recovered Synth. Enraged that his vulgar meddling almost cost him the match, Cortez leaped from the ring to chase after The MACHO Macho Mann. But Logn wisely led him back into the squared circle, where his partner hit him with a flying neckbreaker that earned a two count. Eager to finish The Urban Legend off, Synth went to the corner to remove the turnbuckle pad. While the referee tried to appeal to Abdul Jabbar's better religious nature, Holly handed his copy of the Koran to Logan, who used it to bash Cortez skull in. Seeing that dastardly deed, Synth abandoned all efforts to remove the turnbuckle pads and instead went to the top rope to put Cortez down with the Sky Hook Elbow to end the match! Winners: The Heavenly Rockers via pinfall Delighted with their victory, The Rockers and Holly walked back up the ramp, cruelly taunting and insulting their defeated foe. As If that weren't annoying enough to the audience and Cortez, as the former tag champions left, the OAOAST 's resident paranoid psychotic Biff Atlas rushed down the ramp toting a clipboard, and slid into the ring. Upon entering the ring, Atlas kindly told us the craziest of all his crazy ass thoughts and fears; the fans who came in droves to the many OAOAST live events were a plague upon the athletes in the ring, the referees, the security staff, the vendors, and even themselves. With fear cracking his voice and sending tremors through his body, he said that such a violent sport performed in front of so many people fueled feelings of aggression and pumped adrenaline in the human body. When aggression and adrenaline are at “critical levels” in large crowds violence inevitably ensues, and when violence ensues, murder, assault, fights, and rape ensues. Needless to say the 16,000 homicidal rapists in attendance were not pleased with Biff's lunatic ramblings. Biff wasn't put off by their booing, and said he didn't expect them to thank him for saving them all from an early grave or worse yet being molested at the urinal. Just the preservation of human life was thanks enough to him. His demands were utterly insane in their simplicity, he wanted all fans immediately banned from OAOAST events, and for the shows to be performed in an empty gym! To show his seriousness he began a petition to ban all non OAOAST personnel from the events. And not a crappy online petition like lets get Caroline in the city back on the air or something, but a real one, on a real clipboard, and Biff said he'd be honored if Todd Cortez was his first signature. A man of few words, and already angered by his loss to The Rockers, Todd ripped Biff's petition to shreds and then Riot Act Plussed the saftey nut to MASSIVE CHEERS! ***Tim Cash Vs Luther*** Luther looked a touch nervous before the contest, and with a fate that may hold devouring stink bugs could you really blame him. Cash's quest to punish the BB's for their crimes against him got off to a rocking start as he terrorized Luther early on, including nearly turning him inside out with lariat. He didn't actually turn him inside out with a lariat, that would be physical impossibility obviously. That's why I said nearly. Things became a bit more even after a few minutes when Luther reversed a DDT into a northern lights suplex. From there Cash kept trying to go after Luther's back to weaken him for The Midwest Sling (Texas Cloverleaf) and Luther kept seeking a quick and easy pinfall. He struck a different kind of paydirt when he blocked a second rope cross body block which allowed him to take Cash into a body lock. It looked like Cash would submit to the basic hold, but “Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy” broke free of the submission and begin peppering his foe with punches. Eager to get away from the punchfest, Luther put himself off the ropes, but unfortunately came right back into a flapjack from the former EMT. Cash quickly turned him over into a Midwest Sling that Luther eagerly submitted to. Winner: Tim Cash via submission Backstage is all the rage, baby! Because backstage is where we found Spanish Fly and Jamie O'Hara chatting about their upcoming contest with The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Chatting, not the right word. Hellish bickering, a bit better. Fly was none to pleased with having to team with O'Hara, who he called nothing short of a “Place faced, two bit Spanish Fly wannabe”. O'Hara wasn't hearing any of that, and said if anyone's coppin the next man's style its Fly because O'Hara was the innovator of high flying moves in the OAOAST. He alleged that before he came along the top rope was where you slammed a guy's face into. Fly couldn't buy this, and said everyone knew he was the premier high flyer around these parts. To which O'Hara wondered aloud if that was true why he's never won a match. Fly just shrugged and said winning was overrated and its all about “style points” these days. He walked off and somewhere the 1-15 Miami Dolphins smiled, because they may not win a game this season, but damn if those aren't nice uniforms. ***Spanish Fly and “The Birmingham Bad Boy” Jamie O'Hara Vs The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew*** The very fact that the MGHWC did not decide to hate each other's guts within the last paragraph didn't exactly work to their favor early on. The high flyers were so eager to one up each other that they left the Wrecking Crew a dizzied wreck with their aerial assaults. While Soul was able to somewhat keep up with his rivals, Rico was totally at a lost to handle their speedy movements and fell victim to every manner of flippy floppy attack. Sheer luck alone saw him lariat O'Hara out the sky on a backflip cross body block, and his team was finally able to take control of the match. But, Rico devoted most of his time to enticing (and failing) the ladies in the front row to remove their tops. Thus O'Hara wasn't on the defensive much and quickly returned to giving Rico headaches. A blind and very unwanted tag brought Fly into the match, but Rico was ready for him and turned his springboard dive into a spine buster. With that he and Soul worked over Fly's back, in between trying to get the ladies to remove their tops of course. A backbreaker almost had the win for The Wrecking Crew, but Fly slipped free of Soul's clutches and landed right in front of O'Hara. Though Fly certainly did not want it, O'Hara made a hot tag and the fans let out a loud cheer. Soul was put on his back with a missile dropkick then got served with some kick ass break dancing! This brought in Rico to defend his partner's dancing honor, but Rico was dropped by a dropsault! He hastily stepped to his feet and snatched his foe into a Mustache Ride setup. But O'Hara slithered free and stunned him with a back flip neckbreaker! Back on his feet, Soul tried to ground the Birmingham Bad Boy but was caught by a Black Russian Legsweep! With the audience rooting him on, the Brit scaled to the top rope for the Blaze Out 630! But before he could hit his finisher, his own partner shoved him off the ropes! As O'Hara crashed to the outside, Fly climbed onto the turnbuckles and proclaimed his high flying greatness over his “ally”. To prove it Fly executed a SSP, but as he neared the ground Soul rolled out the way! Fly never got a chance to recover before the Jive Soul Bro lifted him up and hit him with the Fro 2 Sleep for a victory! Winner: Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew via pinfall The MGHWC sometimes ally Biff Atlas sat in his lockeroom, well not really his lockeroom, Biff wouldn't have his own lockeroom he's just a lower midcarder. Actually it wasn't even a lockeroom, it was just a hallway because he got kicked out the lockeroom because frankly he annoys the hell out of everyone. Anyway, Biff sat in the hallway, using the tattered shreds of his petition to dry his freely flowing tears. Megan Skye and Vinny Valentine approached him to interrupt his pity party. Though Vinny Valentine was a little preoccupied with wiping down his snakeskin rimmed sunglasses, he told Biff to not be to upset about the petition, as he said he saw a lot of fans smoking outside arena, meaning they'll get lung cancer and die someday anyway. Biff thanked Vinny for the kind words, but said unless its a type of mutant lung cancer that kills them in the next 15 minutes, he sees only pain and suffering in his future. Not terribly interested in the safety threats posed by the fans, Megan and profusely apologized for Cortez behavior, and told Biff there was no justification for what he did. However, she tried to cheer Biff up by telling him she had some good news. Biff perked up, thinking she was about to tell him the fans had been booted from the arena and replaced with super robots designed specifically to shoot any fan who tries to renter this very arena. Not quite. Actually he and Vinny would be teaming up to take on Cortez in the mainevent! Biff's heart just about broke at that news, and not even the little shredded slips of papers dry his river of tears. The Last Kings Of Scotland Vs The Eskimo Kid and Hans Hafada Syndicated got a bit more...scottishier...uh...kinglier...hey that's actually a real word! Wow, learn something new every time you throw in a jobber match to get more dudes on the show. Fresh off successive losses to Doctors of Doctornomics, The Love Doctors, The Last Kings Of Scotland were put against slightly easier competition. And it doesn't get much easier than little dude dressed as an eskimo and another cat named after the piercing of the scrotum. Our lovely genital piercing enthusiast was of little difficulty for “The Braveheart” Scottish Scott and Danny Boy, and Scotland's finest took him out the match early with attacks that culminated in Danny's Flower of Scotland (top rope brainbuster). That left the ever so cute Eskimo Kid to try and battle off the OAOAST rookies. What EK had in being really, really, adorable he lacked in everything else, and was mercilessly beaten by the LK's. However a victory roll reversal on a powerbomb by Danny Boy almost got him a pinfall victory, and the follow up diving sunset flip on Scott did the same. EK continued his string of luck with various rollups, but that luck would be crushed by SS's Collie-Buckie (front electric chair slam). The LK's went up top and laid waste to EK with the Highland Farewell )(double top leg drop) for their first victory here in the OAOAST. Winners: The Last Kings of Scotland THIS WEEK ON HeldDOWN!~! THE LAST SEMI FINAL MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH LANDON MADDIX VS ALFDOGG AND, FALLOUT FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL BLACK VS MALIBU MATCH THIS WEEK ON HeldDOWN~! ***Todd Cortez Vs Panic At The Disco!*** Poor, poor, Biff. Placed in a match with a man so dangerous that a relatively normal non-paranoid psychotic tried to get his finisher banned. All too knowledgeable of danger the Riot Act Plus poses, Biff tried to get Todd to sign a pledge card swearing he wouldn't use the hold. As Cortez read over Biff's chicken scratch, The Disco Duck jumped him from behind! Actually believing that Crotez was going to sign the card, Biff ran to the apron screaming “You've doomed us all!” However it looked like Cortez was doomed in the early portion of the match, as Vinny controlled him with his trademark offense that constantly skirts the rules of the OAOAST. Eye gouges and back rakes were the order of the day until Vinny scored with a trio of vertical suplexes. Unfortunately his decision to try for a German Suplex proved ill fateed as Cortez flipped out and whipped him towards Biff. Atlas was busy lecturing a fan on not standing so close to the guardrail, lest he be hit by an errant wrestler. But it was Biff who was hit by his errant partner, and knocked off the apron and into the fan! Vinny staggered back into the crowd popping Riot Act Plus, which would've been a sure three count had Biff not returned to break up the fall. Enraged at Cortez's continued refusal to adhere to these mysterious codes of safety only Biff and Biff alone knows of, Biffy attacked him with a hard hitting brawling offense and showed no signs of his usual cowardice. His biggest move yet came with the Always Wear Safety Goggles, a high knee lift that showed Cortez why you really should always wear saftey goggles. As Todd was apparently KO'ed by the signature strike Biff went to the top for the safety sault. But there his cowardice returned, as he realized a moonsault was a one way ticket to a pair of broken ribs! However his fearful nature again led to his downfall, as The Urban Legend powerbombed him off the ropes! Though Biff was seemingly out of it, Vinny Valentine was fully recovered and attacked his foe with wild ferocity. His punches and clubbing forearms weakened Cortez to the point where he was able to get on his Boogie Shoes (shinning wizard). But Cortez recovered just in time to duck Vinny's kick, and hastily got back to his feet. Enraged, Vinny charged The Urban Legend with a lowered shoulder. That proved to be a huge mistake as the Disco Duck was a sitting duck and was crushed by another crowd thrilling Riot Act Plus! At the sight of his partner being destroyed by perhaps the most deadly move in the OAOAST, Biff tried to hightail half way to Mexico. Unfortunately he's about as fast as a paraplegic in a wheel chair made of molasses, and Cortez caught him with the Riot Act Plus that got the biggest cheers yet and an un, deux, trois! Winner: Todd Cortez via pinfall c-ya next week!

damn right josie is lovely and damn right she's angry and with good reason. that started the show off with some fire. deuce was well out of his leauge on this one, but actually looked not too bad against a much better opponent. and hey, nice to see reg.dudes on syndi movin on up to the big time and finally gettin' their peace of the pie. wonder if anyone who got attacked by brickston will try to get some get back in the next few weeks. damn collin tore up curtis black! Old man MaGuire and company are not to be fucked with. That was a cool brawl after the match to. But I think Jerme done got into some deep shit now. Can he really trust Miss MaGuire, and can she trust him? What if he's just using her to get in good for the title match? I can't blame cooper for not wanting to fight his mentor. after all sly has competed for the world title, and cooper just got destroyed by black. Only in the bible does David beat Goliath. Should be an interesting match to see. lol@girl scout cookies, can't trust them hoes, b. a lesson for all ya'll. if you see one of those chicks on the street do not hesitate to bust ya gun. in the end socitey will thank you. The gimmick phoneix took away was one I was looking forward to. boo this man! Word, Baron went all the way in on Mister Dick! That was a really good promo, and not just because he accused Jock of choking on his own cock, and then cumming himself out of fear, which in of its self is hilarious, imagine you're just at the gas station at the pump and all of a sudden a dude runs up on you with a gat and you just bust a nut right then and there! You'd have to be shot on principal. swear to a crip, b. Rest of the shill center was cool to, but that Baron promo really stood out, Tony's done excellent with this feud, and as with most of his feuds has managed to bring in other characters like the CAE, and V.I.C.E to keep it fresh. That was an awesome match with Krista and Leon. My kind of bout! Great comedy great action. KC did a rad job, much better than I would've done, and I was happy to let him do it when he proposed he write it. It surpassed all my expectations. The olympic theme was really cute, and so was the cellphone, and so was everything else for that matter. I figure should just let KC write Krista all the time, while I chill and read men's underwear catalogs. There was big shit poppin even after the match! Brickston finally got what he wanted but I wouldn't have guessed he would pick an Ironman match. That'll be the ultimate test of PR's championship skills, and it could come back to bite Brickston in the ass. That mainevent went even better then how I thought it'd be when zack told me the idea of the guest referee and the run-ins. Zack came through to bring everyone's ideas and suggestions into something pretty damn good. Big win for Black but I doubt he'll be happy with the way it went down, and where does the Brit go from here? And I wrote the entrances! Am I the only one who likes writing entrances? I could very well be.

another good show heading into AS with bigger developments than usual!

-The screen fades in to the lovely - and EXTREMELY ANGRY - OAOAST PRESIDENT JOSIE BAKER!, walking from her limo into the building, her brand new iPhone 3G to her ear, and a lit cigarette in between her lips. She takes a huge drag as she listens intently. She then lets the smoke out before speaking - no...YELLING - into the phone. JOSIE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO HE IS! DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO SOPHIE?! -...She listens... JOSIE HE PUT A FUCKING CIGARETTE OUT ON HER NECK!! I CAN'T SIT BY AND LET HI... -Josie calms down as she is suddenly flanked by "Cash Money" Curtis Black and 9-Mill. She barely even acknowledges them as they follow her into the arena. JOSIE No, You don't have to worry about me, hon... -Josie suddenly stops in her tracks, her eyes going from angry to pissed. Cash Money and 9-Mill suddenly stop, reaching behind their backs and mean muggin. JOSIE ...I'm gonna have to call you back, Ken...Love you... -Josie presses a button and lowers the phone as the camera pans over to Colin Maguire, Colin Maguire, Jr., Patrick Callahan, and Mickey Gillpatrick. The fans erupt in boos as Maguire smirks. MAGUIRE Josie...top a' the morn' to ya, my dear. How's yer cousin? JOSIE ...You...you have got some fucking nerve showing up here... MAGUIRE Oh, do I? JOSIE You son of a fucking bitch... -Maguire laughs, prompting his son and business associates to laugh too as tears well up in Josie's eyes. MAGUIRE You're a real firecracker, Josie...That's why I just love doin' business with you. Now...about what transpired last week with little Sophie. I take it you saw what happened last week, right? -Josie stays silent. Cash Money and 9-Mill take a step forward, their eyes locked on Gillpatrick and Callahan. MAGUIRE Now...yer boy is OBVIOUSLY ducking my boy...he says his ribs are broken, but...between you and me? I don't fuckin' buy it. So...that means that YER boy is a pussy. See, Baker...when we inked that deal - which, by the way, is a legal document stating that we can't be terminated without a good fucking reason...and we're in the wrestlin' business. People get attacked ALL the time...so that reason is fucking gone - but when we inked that deal, I was under the impression that ma boy would be facing big names week after week...not waiting around with his fuckin' thumb up his ass for yer boy to get off his period. Ya understand? JOSIE You're lucky you weren't found in a fucking dumpster after what you pulled... MAGUIRE I'm ALSO lucky that I happen to run the garbage business in THIS town, too. At least I'd get a roomy one. You're gonna give my boy high profile matches, or I'll make sure you get a fuckin' trashcan as your final restin' place, tuig? -Josie chuckles slightly, before stepping in a little bit. JOSIE ...Go fuck yourself...Curtis? -Cash Money steps up to right beside Josie, his eyes never leaving Callahan. JOSIE ...Suit up. Which one of them do you want? -Curtis smiles slightly, rubbing his chin as he looks at the IRA. He then points right at CMJ. BLACK Yo, I wan' this punk bitch right here, Jo-Jo. -CMJ steps forward, but is stopped by Maguire. JUNIOR Where'd you learn to talk like that? From the random dudes fuckin' yer ma? MAGUIRE Junior, Junior, Junior...relax. Save it. -CMJ backs up slightly, his anger very visible. Maguire starts to chuckle as he buttons up his suit. MAGUIRE So...what part of "Give my boy high profile matches" sounded like, "Give him Cuba Gooding, Jr. from Boyz N The Hood" to you? -Josie just shakes her head. A small smile breaking up her stoic face. JOSIE ...You have nooooo idea what you have gotten yourself into, do you, Colin? MAGUIRE Lovey...I'm a man who loves surprises. -Josie smiles as she walks past the group, humming "Viva Las Vegas" to herself. Maguire smirks before looking back at Callahan and Gillpatrick. MAGUIRE ...You know what to do. -FADE TO... THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory brings millions of television watchers across the globe to their sets for the latest edition of HeldDOWN. The introductory video is littered with scenes from Angleslams past and are tinted in a soft earthy golden brown so as to male them seem more nostalgic. We go into the arena and our shot is vibrant with colour. Reds, pinks, and oranges, explode off the screen in a fantastic almost dreamlike beauty. Not quite so lovely are our announce crew, Double C. And the orange spotlight that shines over them doesn't exactly help their images. COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Raleigh, North Carolina for OAOAST HeldDOWN! We are just a few weeks out of our Summer Smash hit, Angleslam! And this card promises to be even better than the year's before it! But first we have to make it through HeldDOWN and we've got some huge matches in store tonight! Let's kick things off with the greatest Heartland champion of all time, Sandman! hits, and the crowd cheers as Deuce Deuce Bigelow walks through the curtains, pushing a trash bin full of various weapons. COLE Heartland title on the line next, and Deuce has come to play, so to speak! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest has been scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger...from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 390 pounds...DEUCCCCCCCCCCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCE BIGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! COLE Deuce, along with Jumbo and Denzel Spencer on the August 2nd episode of Syndicated, won a big six-man tag match pitting them against "After Hours" Felix Strutter, Reggie Lamont, and James Riggs, so he's got a bit of momentum coming into this one, but this is a whole different environment from that! COACH Oh, you're not kidding, Cole! Deuce is a really big guy, but his size isn't going to intimidate this guy! The lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER His opponent...hailing from South of Heaven, and weighing in at 220 pounds...he is a member of the Deadly Alliance, and the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSANDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEE THHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! Sandman is carrying a chair with him to the ring, as Deuce hops out and comes running at him with the garbage bin! COLE But Deuce isn't intimidated either, look at this! As Deuce gets closer to Sandman, Sandman jumps to the side while throwing the chair at Deuce, which makes contact. Sandman slugs away, but Deuce eventually overpowers him, and rams him head-first into the guardrail! Deuce then grabs a trashcan from the bin, and raises it in the air as the crowd roars in approval! COLE And the crowd solidly behind Deuce here in Raleigh! Deuce brings the can down, but Sandman brings his hands up and blocks it, then rams the bin into Deuce's gut! COLE Sandman with a nice counter! Sandman then grabs the can, and slams it over Deuce's head! He then delivers right hands, leading Deuce down the aisle. Eventually Deuce goes down to one knee, then Sandman grabs the trashcan again and brings it down on his back! COLE And again Sandman with that trash can! Sandman then reaches under the ring, pulling out a table! He sets the table up diagonally in the end of the aisleway, then as Deuce gets to his feet, Sandman hammers him on the back, forcing him onto the table. He delivers a big forearm shot for good measure, then slides into the ring and climbs to the top rope. COACH He's going for it all early here, Cole! Sandman gets his balance...then executes a SOMERSAULT SENTON THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!! ... ...but it's only through the table, because Deuce rolled out of the way! COLE And it does not pay off! Deuce slowly gets to his feet, then picks up half of the broken table and slams it across the back of Sandman! COLE Deuce looking good early on here, he may have found a niche here in the Heartland division! COACH The key words, Cole, are "early on." It takes a hell of a lot more than just one table to put away Sandman! COLE Absolutely, and that's why he's the longest-reigning Heartland champion in OAOAST history! Deuce picks up Sandman and rams his face into the guardrail, then sets him up and whips him into the garbage bin! He then grabs a crutch out of the bin, and slams it onto the back of Sandman, bending it and sending the rubber top flying into the crowd! He then tosses Sandman into the ring, and begins to empty the contents of the bin into it! COACH Deuce is just making more toys available for Sandman right here! Deuce finishes emptying out the bin, then rolls inside, only to have a road sign slammed across his back! COLE And the Heartland champion right back! Sandman then grabs Deuce by the head, and slams it onto a chair laying in the ring, before rolling outside and grabbing another table! This time, he props the unfolded table across the apron and the guardrail. COLE Sandman setting up another table, he paid for this once already! Sandman slides back into the ring, but is met with a trashcan shot! COLE And now he's paying for it again! Deuce grabs the road sign, and holds it up as the crowd cheers, then slams it across the head of Sandman! He then picks up a KENDO STICK from the corner! COLE And Deuce has the stick, and now you've got around 400 pounds of force coming behind this stick! Deuce makes his way over to Sandman, and gives him three shots across the back! COLE Deuce Deuce Bigelow on a roll in Raleigh! COACH I gotta say, Deuce has really impressed me in this match, I never thought he'd be this effective against Sandman! Deuce sets up a suplex, and lifts Sandman in the air, but Sandman kicks the legs to block, then comes down on his feet, and drops Deuce with a DDT onto a chair! COLE But a nice reversal by Sandman there! Sandman then rolls to the outside, and comes up with a LADDER! COACH And I think Sandman must have heard us talking over there, because he's going for the good stuff! Sandman comes in with the ladder, then tosses it to Deuce, and dropkicks it into his face! He then picks up the ladder, and slams it onto the back of Deuce! He then sets up Deuce, and delivers a BULLDOG onto the ladder! COLE Sandman looks like he's getting into a groove now! Sandman goes to the outside again, and comes out with another table! COACH More tables! Two of them, in fact, as he props another one from apron to guardrail, then shoves the other one inside, rolling in and giving Deuce another shot with a trashcan. He then sets the table up in a corner, then sets the ladder up, and begins to climb. However, as he gets mid-way up the ladder, Deuce reaches up and pulls it down, causing Sandman to fall to the outside THROUGH A PROPPED TABLE~! COACH COLE Sandman through the table on the outside! COACH That's twice Sandman's gone through one of his own tables! Deuce slowly comes to in the ring, then sets up the ladder in a corner. Sandman crawls back into the ring, and Deuce meets him with a trashcan shot! Deuce then sets up an Irish whip sending Sandman into the ladder! COLE And Sandman whipped into that ladder propped in the corner! Sandman falls to the mat, and Deuce grabs the kendo stick! COACH How many pin attempts has there been in this match, Cole? Any? COLE There's been as many pin attempts as there's been losses on Sandman's record since his return to the ring...none! Deuce raises the kendo stick, but Sandman jams a crutch into the gut, then gets to his feet and sets up the table. He then grabs the crutch at each end, and clotheslines him across the chest with it, knocking him back onto the table. Sandman then starts to scale the ladder in the corner. COACH Sandman's gonna do it till he gets it right, I guess! Deuce rolls slowly off the table and follows Sandman up the ladder on the opposite side (with his back towards the table), then grabs his head and slams it on the top of the ladder. He then attempts to scoop Sandman onto his shoulders, but can't hold him and keep his balance both, and sets him back down, with help from some Sandman right hands. With Deuce dazed, Sandman steps backwards off the ladder onto the top turnbuckle. COACH Now what? Sandman walks a few steps across the top rope, then leaps at Deuce, catching him in a sleeper, and PULLING HIM DOWN THROUGH THE TABLE~!!! COLE A flying sleeperhold drop through that wooden table! That could do it for Sandman right there! As the crowd chants HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Sandman slowly rolls to the outside, and grabs a suitcase, opening it up to reveal LIGHTTUBES~! COACH What else is going to happen in this one? Sandman grabs a single lighttube out of the case, then rolls back inside, as Deuce has struggled back to his knees. Sandman backs across the ring, then moves towards Deuce, tossing the lighttube out in front of him, and sending it into Deuce's face with a YAKUZA KICK~! COLE Will THAT do it? Sandman covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE It's over, and Sandman has retained again! BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSANDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEE THHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COACH The third time was the charm for Sandman, finally able to send big Deuce through that table! Sandman grabs the belt from the referee, raises it in the air, and makes his way to the back. COLE Sandman adding another victim to his Heartland title run here... As Sandman walks out to the left of the entryway, Cole is cut off by BRICKSTON stomping to the ring! COLE Wait a minute, that's Brickston! What the hell is he doing out here? Brickston slides into the ring, and floors Deuce, just to his feet, with a MASSIVE clothesline! Brickston stares down at the fallen Deuce, then grabs the kendo stick off the mat. COACH Uh-oh, it looks like he's out here to send a message to Tha Puerto Rican! COLE And he's going to do it by ambushing a man who just went through a grueling Heartland title match? What message does that send? Brickston batters Deuce unmercifully with the stick, then picks him up and drags him to the second propped table. He brings him to the apron, then scoops him up on his shoulders. COLE Oh no... COACH Look at this power, Cole! Brickston holds, then takes one step towards the table, before executing the KILLSWITCH THROUGH THE PROPPED TABLE~!!!!!11111 COLE Oh my God! Brickston with the Killswitch on Deuce Deuce Bigelow, right through that table that Sandman propped up, to the concrete! Brickston gets to his feet, showered with boos, and stares down at Deuce. COACH Yeah, Cole, Deuce may have just finished a match, but Brickston still got his point across, and that point is that he'll do anything to take that World title from PRL! COLE Just imagine what's in store at AngleSlam, when the World title will be on the line! Brickston continues to stare upon Deuce, as we go to... LATER TONIGHT MONEY IN THE BANK SEMI FINAL FIRST TIME EVER MISS CALIFORNIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD LEON RODEZ TONIGHT! IN THE MAINEVENT ZACK MALIBU VS NATHANIEL BLACK FOR A THIRD TIME THE MAINEVNET

lol you took it old school, that's how we used to feedback wasn't it? Just post your shit directly in the thread after the show was over? I don't think we started feedback threads until a lil after the brand split

CREDITZ Alf KC 149 PFL Zack zoidberg ewc me!

The flags of Syria and Canada unfurl from the roof of the entrance stage, and the audience lets out a miserable groan. Nas' Hate Me Now certainly does not elevate their mood, and the 18,000 offer their thumbs down to the arriving guest . Abdullah Abir, however, is all smiles as he makes his appearance on the stage. He waves the Koran into the air and dances with holy delight through makeshift theatre that's shrouded entirely in green light. BUFFER The following rematch is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of sixty minutes! Now making his way to the ring the special guest referee, the speaker for the prophets, the spiritual guide, Abdullah Abir Nerdly! COLE Abdullah Abir Nerdly, Moneymaker's choice for the referee of this contest. And Moneymaker and his goons have been appointed as lumberjacks! I have to say, I don't want these jerks ruining what could be a classic match between Black and Zack? Do you? COACH That question don't even make sense. They're here to save this match from the likes of Bohemoth running down and trying to take advantage of Black and cost him the match. Tensions are to high not to have someone out here to keep the peace! COLE Then get The Christ Air Express, get Baron, get D*LUX get people who are competent and have also proven they aren't snakes in the grass like The Enterprise. CPA, Bosley, Wright, Moneymaker and The Blonds all offer Abdullah a hearty round of applause as he dives into the ring. Abdullah returns their kindness, and offers them heartfelt thanks for their trust in him to officiate this contest. "Chelsea Dagger" hits bringing with it a decidedly mixed reaction from the North Carolina audience. One hand the audience pays respect to Black's talents, but on the other hand they can't get over the fact he's an associate of the despised Landon Maddix. Cloaking the noisy audience in a flickering haze are the spotlights that alternate between red, white blue. But they calm quickly enough, and Black steps out onto the entrance stage. He pauses to admire some of his handiwork on his video screens, especially the beatings given to O'Hara, before turning around and raising his hands to a fractured crowd. BUFFER And introducing the first competitor, he is from London, England and weighes in at two hundered thirty eight pounds! Representing La Cucaracha Internacional, NATHANIEL BLACK! As Buffer finishes his introduction, Black dives beneath the ropes and into the ring. There he stretches himself out, ignoring the few words of encouragement Enterprise members, Detective Bosley and CPA try to give him. COLE Backstage politics are at a fever pitch between the stables, but Nate Black didn't want any of that! He just wants to wrestle. He just wants to beat Zack Malibu! You have to admire a guy who's just here to play is sport. He's a far cry from Landon Maddix. COACH Yeah, well, its Landon Maddix who's two wins away from repeating as Mister Money In The Bank. Not Malibu, and not Black. A gigantic reception greets the first strands of Getting Away With Murder, as the audience leaps to their feet for the OAOAST poster boy. Already the Zack chants are as loud as ever, drowning out the cackle of Zack's golden pyro. Through this gorgeous cascading of yellow sparkles steps three time world champion and first ballot hall of famer Zack Malibu. In an In Crowd hooded vest he twirls beneath the final remnants of the pyro, getting another huge pop from the audience. Finally he tugs on the waistband of his long blue tights and heads down the ramp BUFFER And the opponent from Providence, Rhode Island, weighing in at two hundred ten pounds, he is a former tag team champion, a former 24/7 champion, and a three time world champion, he is The Franchise of the OAOAST, ZACK MALIBU Buffer's announcement is given the exclamation point of a fantastic cheer that's matched by fantastic pyro shooting off at the tip of the entrance stage. Zack seems to notice not the pyro or the cheering fans as all his attention is focused on The Enterprise. Bosley and Wright take great pleasure in taunting the hero, but Moneymaker hangs back and regards Zack with nothing more then pure contempt. COACH It ain't been a good night for the In Crowd! First Sly gets his face messed up by a little kid, and then Leon Rodez goes down to Krista Isadora Duncan when he's just one match away from the Money In The Bank finals at Angleslam. The In Crowd could be dead and it just came back! Ha! One of ya'll done got missed up by an eight year old, and the other done get his ass kicked by the same woman who been screwing up his life for the last year! I'd rather be insignificant than in the In Crowd! Ha! Zack slides into the ring, ready to head to the turnbuckles and salute his loving fans. That's put on hold, however, by Abdullah patting down Zack for illegal weaponry. Zack is plainly frustrated by Abdullah's overdone search, but says nothing, not wanting to draw the ref's ire before the match even begins. Instead he just meets Black's icy glare, both men knowing they're about to take each other to their absolute limit. COLE He didn't pat down Black! COACH Black has also never pulled a gun on someone on an OAOAST show. COLE That was low. DING DING DING Right off the bat, the two men begin trading forearms, forgoeing a lockup or any feeling out process. Instead, they choose to come right out and start bludgeoning each other with their own God given weaponry! Zack shoots for the legs and takes Black down, but before he can get a mount, Black rolls to his feet and takes Zack off of his! He goes for a quick cover, but Zack rolls away and comes up, blasting his foe with a European uppercut! Black staggers, then gets sent forward to the ropes, and nailed with a pristine dropkick from the talented veteran! Black scrambles to recover, but Zack keeps on him, trying to trap him in a butterfly lock, only to have Black counter by bringing Zack over with a fireman's carry! As the two men come up, Black blisters Zack's chest with a hard chop and then goes to send him in, but Zack counters the whip! A well-placed boot to the gut doubles him over, and Zack lifts for a suplex...only to have Black slide out, spin Zack around, and dump him with a scoop slam! Black then hits the ropes, and as he charges Zack leaps into the air, leapfrogging over him! Black comes off the far side and Malibu takes him over with a hiptoss, but as Malibu reaches down for him, Black kicks up, knocking Zack back to the canvas! Both men roll to their feet and circle each other, pondering their next move. The crowd is alive and kicking, rooting for the two men who have put on two of the best matches of 2008 thus far, and the special referee for the evening waves the two on, kicking off a second wave of action! COLE So far Abdullah Nerdly has been more of an onlooker than an official, but can you blame him? Nathaniel Black has really shined these last few weeks, and he and Malibu have torn the house down twice before! Tonight should be no exception! The two men go for a lockup, but Black instead drops the point of his elbow into Malibu's left shoulder, then takes the arm and wrenches before giving it a tug. Another arm wrench follows, and Black then drives the point of his elbow into Zack's shoulder blade before snapping him to the canvas with a Russian legsweep! He goes for Zack's arm again, but Malibu slides free and comes up, only to be grabbed in a side headlock...but he's able to slip out and use a schoolboy to bring a stunned Black to the canvas! ONE! KICKOUT! COACH Oooh, sneaky one, Zack. COLE Black never saw that one coming, and those are the ones that normally lead to defeat! Abdullah Nerdly was right there as well, and I've got to admit I'm impressed with his refereeing skills thus far. Black eyes Malibu, who simply points to his head and smiles, proving to Black that he's always thinking. They tie up again and Black uses a go behind, but Zack elbows out of it! He turns around and starts wailing on Black with his patented open hand blows, but Black brings a knee up into his gut to cut off the flurry, then hoists Zack up...but Malibu floats over his back! Zack spins him around and whips him in, but Black counters and sends Zack in, then takes him down with a drop toehold, but misses as he goes for a kneedrop to the back of the head! Black comes up with a sore knee from hitting the canvas, so Zack takes his legs out and tries for the figure four, but Black reaches up and pulls him into a small package! ONE! T-KICKOUT! COLE And just like that, Nate Black shows Zack Malibu that he's more than capable of catching the Preppy One off guard! Abdullah holds up two fingers, not because he wishes for peace on Earth or because he's a Nixon fan, but because that's all Nate Black got on that attempt! The two men come up yet again, and Black kicks Zack in the stomach, then rocks him with a series of forearms before pinning Zack's left arm behind him in a hammerlock, then clubbing on the shoulder he targeted earlier! With the arm still pinned, Black then takes Zack and shoves him into the corner, causing his exposed shoulder to hit first and hardest! Zack comes out of the corner favoring the arm, and Black grabs him and throws him over head, nailing Zack with a release belly to belly! COLE Nice move by Black, throwing Zack overhead with a hard suplex! Zack comes up, and Black goes right for the arm, twisting it again before yanking on it. He then fires off a series of hard chops, causing Zack's nicely tanned skin to redden and blister. A European uppercut follows, but before he can continue the assault, Zack strikes with a hard overhand chop! Black reels, and now Zack opens up with a series of chops and his own European uppercut that floors his rival! Black hurries to his feet, but Zack is right there to grab him and rock him with a snap suplex, then rolls to his feet, bringing Black up! He lifts again and drops his legs onto the top rope, slingshotting him around and then dropping him with a face first suplex, then following up with a low dropkick as Nate pushes off the mat! Black quickly rolls out under the bottom rope, escaping Malibu's onslaught while Abdullah keeps Zack from going after him. On the floor, Black licks his wounds...and The Enterprise keep away from him, standing idly by as the impressive import climbs back up into the ring. COACH See, now what's wrong with The Enterprise being out here? They're keeping their noses clean, Cole. It's just a precaution. COLE Call it what you want, Coach, but something doesn't sit right with me about it. COACH You sure it's not the chili from catering? Moneymaker even applauds as Black gets back into the ring, and Black looks around, making sure that no one from The Enterprise is playing him for a fool. He gets back into the ring without incident, and Zack comes forth, swinging around him with a go behind, only to be snapmared over! Zack rolls to his feet, but Black lifts him and drops him with an inverted atomic drop, then pulls his legs out from under him and drops an elbow! Black then follows up with a kneedrop, then presses his knee into Zack's temple while pulling his head into the knee, jamming the point of it into the bridge of his nose! He pulls Zack up and traps the left arm in a hammerlock and then slams Zack down on it, and as Zack rolls onto his stomach Black uses a stepover armbar to trap the arm and put pressure on it! COACH Looks like Zack's gonna have a little trouble toasting drinks with the boys tonight! COLE Zack's right handed, Coach. COACH Do you have to step on ALL my lines? The fans rally, cheering for Zack to escape as Black remains in control. Still holding the armbar, he changes position so he can lead Zack to his feet, then clubs the left shoulder several times before attemping the Crossface Chicken Wing...but Zack squirms and counters with a go behind, lifting Black for a German...but Black rolls over, landing on his feet! He turns Zack around, but Malibu fires him to the ropes as fast as he can, then snaps him over with a huracanrana! He follows up with a spinning wheel kick that puts Black down again, and the fired up Malibu waves his foe on, urging him to keep the battle going. He runs the ropes and looks to catch Black with a bulldog before he can fully rise to his feet, but Black manages to shove Zack off at the last second, and when he turns around, Black bursts forward with a hard lariat! Zack gets spun inside out, and Christian Wright snickers at ringside at the impact, impressed by the British bad boy. Nate brings Zack up and shoots him into the corner, but when he charges in with a corner lariat, Zack moves out of the way quickly, and Black hits nothing but buckle! Zack spins him around and climbs up on the ropes, opening fire with a series of punches that see the fans shouting in unison as they connect...but Black shoves Malibu off at the count of five, then drills Zack with a hard headbutt, ramming him right in the face! Black then pins Zack against the corner and rocks him with a series of forearms, then a series of European uppercuts, ten in total before putting Zack up on the ropes. Readying Malibu for a superplex, he attempts to lift, but Zack hangs on and won't budge! A second attempt fails as well, but now Zack slides his arm through Black's legs, and tries to put him across his shoulders...but Black slides down onto the apron, and knocks Zack's legs out from under him, crotching him on the top rope! COACH Thatta boy, Nate! COLE Zack almost countered with the Honor Roll there, but Nate Black countered that, and took the wind out of Zack with that tactic! Black climbs up on the ropes next to Zack, and grabs an inverted facelock. Balancing himself on the ropes, Black looks to leap off and bring Zack crashing to the mat face first...but at the last second, Zack throws Black off and lets him crash and burn, while he clings to the ropes! COLE Zack held on! The fans cheer, and members of The Enterprise snicker at Black's bad luck, while Malibu stands himself up and soars like an eagle through the sky, coming down with a guillotine legdrop on his opponent! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Nerdly waves "two" in the face of Malibu, making sure that Zack knows he didn't get the pin. Malibu rolls off of Black and takes a few deep breaths and gets to his feet, while Nerdly checks on the condition of both men, making sure they're both coherent enough to continue. The odd choice for an official then steps back as Zack stands up and slowly brings Black to his feet, then drops him with a Rock Bottom Backbreaker! Black squirms on the canvas, but he's led up again, as Zack tries for a German suplex...but Black grabs Zack's wrists and pries his grip loose, then spins around and traps him in a Crossface Chickenwing! COACH Smooth move! COLE Agreed, an excellent counter by Nate Black! Zack struggles, trying to free himself, as the fans gasp while seeing their hero trapped in the Brit's trademark submission. Nerdly keeps a close eye on the situation, waiting to see if Zack opts for surrender...but Malibu refuses to break! COLE The fans are supportive here, urging Zack not to give up, while The Enterprise...are telling him to tap!? COACH Nice! Looks like they're charter members of the Nate Black Fan Club! The Enterprise pound on the apron, watching Malibu try to wriggle free as Nerdly continues to wait for the surrender. Zack reaches up, grabbing hold of the wrist of his rival and slowly prying his arm away from his neck. Black stuggles with Zack, and still has the left arm trapped...but with the crossface portion of the hold just about broken, Malibu quickly swings around and brings Black down with a German suplex before he knew what hit him! He rolls to his feet and brings Black down with another German, and rolls to his feet again...but on the third time, Black elbows back, swings around Zack, and drops HIM with a Half Nelson backbreaker before collapsing back himself! COLE Excellent, excellent wrestling here tonight. These two guys, I'll tell you what, they bring out the best in each other. COACH Getting on that Nate Black bandwagon now, eh Cole? Nerdly begins a standing ten count, but by the halfway mark both men are stirring. Zack comes up, not realizing that Black, as weary as he is, is right behind him. Malibu comes up, and Black lunges for him, again trying to trap him in a Crossface Chickenwing...but Malibu counters just as fast, pulling Black off the mat and stuffing him with an ANGLE SLAM~! that makes the crowd leap out of their seats! Zack is laid out as well, after exerting so much energy trying to fend off the submission attempts of the technically sound Englishman, and finally manages to roll himself over and crawl onto his foe, hooking the leg! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! NO! KICKOUT! COACH Phew! COLE Close call for Nate Black there, and again Abdullah Nerdly showing great ring presence in getting to the canvas for the count! Malibu takes another moment to relax before coming up to his feet. He looks to bring Black up, but Black musters what he can and shoves Zack away, then rests on all fours. Zack moves for him again, but this time Black shoots his head up, driving another headbutt into Zack's face, then striking with a BLACK LARIAT~! that put both men back on the canvas! COLE Just like that, Nathaniel Black finds the strength to rebut Zack's offense, and both men are back down! Both men stay on the mat, each soaking up as much downtime as they can so that they're able to gain the advantage...and suddenly a series of jeers comes up from the crowd, as the attention focuses on the aisleway where the Samoan monster FAQU is storming down! COLE What's he doing...c'mon Enterprise, don't let him near the ring! James Blonde comes running up from behind his partner, trying to control him, as The Enterprise form a wall at the top of the aisle! CPA cracks his knuckles in wait as Faqu inches closer, but The Enterprise stand firm, refusing to let the beast past them! This now brings the rest of THE IN CROWD out to a huge pop, and a swarm of officials head out to try to cut the tension short before it boils over! COLE It would be my guess that Landon Maddix is trying to undermine Josie's ruling from earlier tonight where she stated that no one would interfere in this match, and...wait... COACH What are you, psychic? Abdullah Nerdly, distracted by the breakdown between the stables at ringside, doesn't see LANDON MADDIX coming from the crowd, bringing a steel chair into the ring. Landon looks over, making sure the ref is distracted, and waits on Malibu to rise up. Just as Zack starts to come to, Landon cocks the chair back...AND HAS IT STOLEN FROM HIM BY ABDULLAH NERDLY~! COACH YO~! COLE Abdullah Nerdly with the save! Landon fumes, and the scowl on Abdullah's face shows that he's all business, as he walks towards Landon with the chair...AND THEN TURNS AROUND AND LEVELS ZACK WITH A SICK CHAIRSHOT~! COLE WHAT?! NO! A rumble breaks out at ringside, with The In Crowd desperately trying to get in there to help out their leader, but amidst the fighting with Faqu, Blonde and The Enterprise, the flood of officials trying to keep everyone apart does more harm than good! In the ring, Landon looks at Nerdly incredulously, then looks over to his weary charge, dragging Nathaniel Black onto Zack's unconscious carcass! Landon backs away slowly, and the next move Abdullah makes is to hit the canvas...AND START A COUNT! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE Well I...but...I don't believe it! COACH You don't believe it? BELIEVE THIS, Mikey Cole...Nathaniel Black just pinned Zack Malibu! The Fratelli's anthem goes up, signifying the win, and Landon Maddix is all smiles for Nate, who has no idea what just happened. Landon drags him out of the ring as fast as he can, helping him over the railing and out through the other side of the arena, while in the ring Abdullah Nerdly stands over Zack Malibu, a sick grin on his face. COLE Nathaniel Black just scored the biggest victory of his career...and I'm not even sure he knows how it came to pass! Whether this was a set up or an odd coincidence remains to be seen, but Abdullah Nerdly cost Zack Malibu the match tonight! With chaos around ringside, and the company poster boy out cold in the ring, Abdullah is all smiles. So is Landon Maddix, as the cameras cut to him in the crowd, raising a dazed Nathaniel Black's hand in victory. COLE Fans, we are out of time, and that might be for the best! We've got to get control here, but you can rest assured that we will get to the bottom of this next week, right here on HeldDOWN~! FADE OUT

aight, cool, so there's some quick half assed entrances in their to complete it, so I'll edit in

Uh oh, don't call the ME, though I'm not why you shouldn't. Just uhh take my advice and stuff.

A video begins, in a locker room which is totally blacked out, with the exception of a dim light aimed on a muscular figure sitting on a bench with his back to the camera, which slowly moves in on him as the narrator speaks, cutting away only as mentioned below. Come on God, Answer Me. Footage of the man lifting weights, his face still not visible. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Footage of the man's hands, as he stares at them off camera. Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Footage of the man clenching his fists. Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Footage of Brock Ausstin pulverizing Felix Strutter with a clothesline. Or Have You Already Answered? Footage of Brock executing a belly-to-belly on Bohemoth. Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 to Alfdogg. Here.... Footage of Brock giving a roar in the ring, then back to the locker room, where the muscular man (Brock, obv.) turns his head and looks back into the camera. ...In Me." BROCK AUSSTIN RETURNS AngleSlam August 31st San Antonio, Texas Live on PPV COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT ZACK MALIBU VS NATHANIEL BLACK WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY NEXT

Rock The Casbah bursts out the sound system, and the sold out audience rises to their feet with humongous cheers for the Angle Award winning megastar! Images of his high flying stunts, his numerous OAOAST achievements as well as his fun loving side, blaze across video screens. The already gigantic noise level of the fans grows even louder as the man himself, in his trademark purple and black robe, strides through the entrance doors. Showcasing his much adored body, the In Crowd stud rips open the robe and offers a playful smile to both crowd and camera man alike. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a semi final match in the Money In The Bank Tournament with the winner advancing to the finals at Angleslam! Now making his way to the ring, he weighs in at 218 pounds and hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan! Representing the In Crowd, he is The New-Age Love Machine, The Grand Rapids Golden Child, a former 24/7 Champion, a former One and Only World Tag Team Champion, a former six man champion, a former X Division Champion, he is Silky Smooth LEOOOOON RODEZZZZZZ! The always jovial babyface slaps hands on his trip down the aisle, showing extra love to ladies, but making damn certain to stay away from kids with cotton candy or chocolate bars, because those are just so hard to dry clean out of fancy robes! COACH Anytime I gotta watch Leon wrestle is hard for me, but this one's gonna be especially hard on Jade. She's got her uncle fighting her own mother, and with such huge stakes on line ain't nobody gonna hold nothing back! COLE That's right. Leon has made a major name for himself since he joined the OAOAST with 24/7 title reigns, the best X Division Title reign on record as well as a tag title reign with Zack Malibu, but the world title has continued to elude him. Now he represents the In Crowd, and what a feather in the cap it would be for them as well himself to have that Money In The Bank title shot. As Leon reaches the ring he makes an athletic leap onto the apron and triumphantly holds out his arms in a gesture that's mimicked by many a roaring and cheering fan. Sadly many of those roaring and cheering fans were holding drinks and all that arm movement caused them to spill those drinks. That's not Leon's problem, and he carefully discards his expensive robe to the trusted OAOAST ring crew, thankful none of those drinks were spilled on his robe. Those robes really are hard to dry clean. COACH In Crowd or no, Leon's life has been lookin like Whitney Houston an hour into rehab. TERRIBLE! Homeboy better do something major to turn it around, he needs this thing to get his world back on the right track. Shock me like an electric eel baby girl turn me on with your electric feel Ooh girl shock me like an electric eel baby girl turn me on with your electric feel With MGMT's Electric Feel comes another gigantic roar from an audience that has yet to return to their seats. Brilliant flashes of red, yellow, green and blue, decorate the entrance stage as it tiles cycle through the various colors of rainbow. As diverse as the flooring is, the dancers are even more so, a wide range of attractive lovelies of various ethnicities are dressed in the Olympic spirit with revealing outfits of tennis players, swimmers, basketball stars, even equestrian dressage performers. Each one of the sexily dressed dancers goes through movements that fit the song's rhythm yet are tailored to their specific sport. One thing does unite the various performers though, and that's the Team KID letters and logo emblazoned on their uniforms. The team captain, Krista, strikes a typically arrogant hands through golden hair pose in the center of athletic themed dancers, clad in a super shirt white skirt, white heels, and a cropped to the chest halter top with the Team KID logo emblazoned across her rather large bosoms. COLE Michael Phelps with a total of 12 gold medals, but for these athletes they only want one gold belt the OAOAST world title! BUFFER And the opponent, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into The Hollywood Walk of Fame, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, the star of the VH1 reality show the look of love, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, The other half of the Angle Award winning tag team of the year, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Down the glitter soaked rampway comes the woman who if beauty was Olympic sport, would win a gold, silver and bronze. But its not an Olympic sport, so Krista has settle for receiving straight scores of tens from the “judges” that line the entrance ramp. As she reaches the base of the entry ramp, she flips her back and launches an arrogant smirk of utmost contempt at the man in the ring, Leon Rodez. The Grand Rapids Golden child, however, plays it cool with a small smirk of his own. COACH I don't like these odds for Rodez. Krista has damn few losses in the OAOAST, sure as hell ain't never lost a singles match before, and Leon steady stays taking shit like his name was huggies. Krista's blond, tall, and hot, if her last name were Nerdly we'd say for sure he's screwed. Plus, I ain't never heard Jade go and get his advice on wrestling. I only seen her go to Krista, not Mister In Crowd, not Mister I'm only in the In Crowd 'cause Zack needs me close by to wash his car. At ringside Krista's fifteen million dollar legs curl across the ropes, hanging her gorgeous body upside down and sending the home audience on an unexpected search for new pants. While he may not need new tights, Leon himself isn't entirely unaffected by her fleshy show, and noticing his flustered nature she slyly asks him how's he's not going to be distracted by legs like her's? COLE Leon is one of the most dedicated athletes we're lucky enough to have on our roster. Above all else Leon has heart and desire, and in sports entertainment there's nothing better to have. On the ring apron Krista puts herself through a split legged stretching routine more fitting of a strip club then an Olympic event. The audience struggles to scrape their jaws off the floor as her long tan legs stretch beautifully along the apron. Leon for his part has to recite the stats of the 1999 Detroit Red Wings in a losing effort to not be effected by the fact Krista's skirt has ridden all the way up her firm tush. Sergei Federov's 27 goals and 35 assists will not save you from this splendor of ass, my friend! COACH Whoo, hot damn! Leon has a heart but he also has a penis, not that I've ever watched any of his movies, so I can't comment on size, girth or curvature of it...Um, anyway, Leon has a penis and when wrestling Krista there ain't nothing worse to have! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE So there's the bell and this should be a most interesting match. Perhaps one of the most interesting and intriguing we've ever seen on HeldDOWN. As Krista drags herself away from gazing around the arena in general disinterest, Leon waits in the middle of the ring with hands on hips. The two unique OAOAST stars come face to face and look to be picking up where they left off last week, exchanging words. COACH This ain't smart on Leon's part. They already said WAY too much in The Love Shack. And we know that whatever Krista says, Leon don't get angry... but I don't think anyone knows just how angry Krista can get. COLE She threatened to rip Leon's face off and wear it as a mask last week. Not sure if that's physically possible, but I wouldn't want to run the risk because Krista would give it a damn good try! "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" The Raleigh crowd are split about as 50/50 as you can get. Leon starts beckoning his 50% for more support. Krista just mimics yawning at the whole thing. And yet her disinterest only makes her 50% want to cheer her even more. Story of her life. Tired of the waiting around, Krista asks if "we're going to do this or not", watching as Leon shrugs and promptly slapping him across the face to OOHs and AAHs! Leon complains about the cheapshot but Krista protests that he said he was ready... and when Leon says he is ready, he gets another slap to the chops! Entirely relaxed, Krista waits for the complaints to start again, inspecting her nails even as she fires off a third slap. COACH Krista's used to routinely bitch-slapping her opponents into humiliation. I think life beat her to it with Leon though. Enough is enough for Leon and he demands to know what Krista's problem is, to which Krista very simply replies "what? It's not like you're not gonna hit back, so...", before dishing out yet another open palm. Enough is enough... wait, I said that already... but enough is REALLY enough this time as Leon charges in low and intiates a less humilating lock-up with Krista. With his power advantage he's able to back Krista up into a corner, where referee Charles Robinson demands he give a clean break. Leon is understandably cautious about another slap but does break clean, keeping Krista backed up against the turnbuckles. With her penned in, he then rears back, looking to dish out a knifedge chop... but he gets cold feet before dishing out the strike, allowing Krista to catch him with another slap before dodging out of the corner like Muhammed Ali on acid, displaying her fancy footwork behind the frustrated Rodez. COLE Oh, Krista's just goading Leon at this point. And Leon had a shot at her, but seemed hesitant to take it. We've seen this before, remember the trouble he had a couple of years ago trying to wrestle Crystal. COACH That's weak. COLE It's Leon's morals, he doesn't feel right hitting a woman. COACH Yeah, but this ain't some arguement over undercooked dinner and not doing the ironing. This is Money In The Bank. You wanna be World Champion, you gotta nut up and slap a ho. Simple. As women's rights groups flock to bleed the OAOAST dry for that, Leon recomposes himself and realises if he doesn't start wrestling he's going to be on the recieving end of many a slap to come. He tries to ignore any of Krista's mind-games and asks for a test of strength. Krista looks up at the hand, looking a little unsure. She then starts to run her fingertips across her tongue, apparantly readying herself to lock-up... until she reaches into her pocket and produces a black book and her cellphone. The fingertip licking allows her to breeze through the pages of the book as she looks for the right number to call. Leon goes to move in, but Krista holds up a finger and tells him to hang on a sec'. "Hi, Alix? It's Krista. Oh good, you're watching. Listen, qui... what... oh, okay." Krista waves to the nearest camera. "...what do you mean 'did I see it', I was the one waving to you! Yeah, I know, it was cool, but can we get to the point real quick since I dunno how long I can stand here while my opponent stands around looking dumb in the middle of a wrestling match with the chance to attack. My personal record is 6 minutes, 32 seconds, but I've never wrestled this guy, so I can't be sure. Listen, quick question. I've got this guy here, name's Leon, you used to date him. Yes, honestly. Yes, he has always been a man, to the best of my knowledge. Yes, you did used to go for guys once. Anyone, listen, this guy's trying to get me to play a game of mercy with him, despite the fact he's about 3 inches taller and about 100, 120 pounds heavier than me. Now, you know this guy. Should I go ahead and try and lock-up even though I'm completely out-matched because he's daring me to do it and there's like a ton of people watching, or should I pretend to lock hands with him then jab my heel into his stomach before laughing at him for not seeing it coming? ...uh-huh. ...uh-huh. ...uh-huh. Okay, love ya, bye!" Krista hangs up... but then hits re-dial. "Hey, Alix, me again. Should I do the spot where we go to lock arms and I change hands just as we're about to lock fingers as well, making him look even more of a putz? ...too much? Okay, thanks again." Krista hangs up again, puts away the black book and the cellphone and gets back to the action. Carefully she reaches up to lock hands with Leon... and even though he knows it's coming, he still catches the discussed boot to the gut from Krista, who stands over him mocking his current position, doubled-over gasping for breath. COACH *slaps forehead* COLE A little consultation from Krista to Alix, just to compound the embarrassment of one of the oldest tricks in the book. COACH She has a daughter who's a child genius and another daughter who grew up thinking she was Leon's sister, yet she calls up her clinically insane girlfriend for advice. And it worked. How!? COLE I have no idea. As Leon starts to straighten up, Krista grabs him by the arm and looks for an irish whip. Reversal by Leon sends Krista into the ropes, which she effortlessly counters by sliding herself under the bottom rope. Leon dives out after her, but Krista has an ace up the sleeve, not letting go of the bottom rope and quickly pulling herself back into the ring, with time to spare to deliver a dropkick through the ropes as Leon turns on the arena floor. Rodez falls back into the announce table and looks dazed as Krista goes over to the turnbuckles. She climbs to the bottom, the middle, then the top. Looking up, Leon sees her prepared to dive and rushes to get out of the way of Krista, who is very casually climbing back down to the middle, then the bottom, then the ring canvas, gazing over to where Leon has ended up and wondering aloud where he's running to. COACH I know everybody says it but, you know, I actually kinda believed Leon when he said he wouldn't get distracted by Krista's usual tactics. Done a surefire crappy job of it so far. This isn't Biff Atlas or Rico getting sonned, this is Leon Rodez. COLE Just goes to show you how effective Krista's very individual style of wrestling is, against anybody. Having been thoroughly embarrassed so far Leon takes a few moments on the outside to get his head together. "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" Leon slides back into the ring and showing the signs of stress, he actually pleads to Krista's better nature to cut out the schenanigans and just wrestle. Able to block out her better nature after years of practice, K.I.D is able to kid Leon into agreeing and act like she's taking pity on him. If you didn't know her better, you'd almost believe her. COLE Underlying this, the winner of this match is going to AngleSlam, one win away from a guaranteed World Title contract. This is a serious opportunity, behind this personal dislike and all of Krista's antics. Serious opportunity and serious wrestling finally as we get a collar and elbow tie-up. Leon comes out of it in control with a side headlock, taking Krista over with it and pinning her shoulder to the mat... 1... No! Krista locks her arms around Leon's waist, trying to turn him off of her but to no avail. So she kicks her feet up to apply a headscissors, pulling herself out of the headlock. Leon escapes the headscissors easily enough, rolling out of Krista's ten million dollar legs and looking for the headlock again. Deftly, Krista is able to slide out and into a hammerlock before the hold is applied though. Leon gets to his feet though... thinking about an elbow to the jaw, but again hesitant to do anything like that... countering instead with a drop toehold and floating over into his headlock again. COLE This is where Leon has to keep this match, on the mat, sticking to wrestling. I'm sure Krista still has some tricks up her sleeve even face-first eating ring canvas, but it limits her options just a touch. Fighting to her feet, Krista puts the force of a GLAADiator into shoving Leon off into the ropes, regretting it seconds later as Leon knocks her down with a shoulder tackle. Rodez hits the ropes at the side, going up and over Krista. Jumping to her feet, Krista leapfrogs over Leon as he comes off the opposite ropes. Landing, she then sets herself... ...and Rodez comes to a grinding halt, at the sight of Krista's jiggling BUTT kicking into high motion in front of him!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh! The hypnotizing buns of steel! COACH And unfortunately for Leon, they're strictly vegetarian buns. Ain't no meat goin' in there. As the jiggling starts to reach a speed that shouldn't be humanly possible Leon stands in silent awe, completely under Krista's spell. Krista wears a confident smile as she takes a quick look up at the AngleTron to make sure Leon is as distracted as she was expecting. As the drool begins to form in The Silky Smooth One's mouth, Krista then prepares to strike the unexpecting opponent... ...before Leon suddenly emerges from his trance, smiling, wagging the finger and pulling Krista down with a schoolboy roll-up!! COLE WHAT?! 1... 2... 3- NO! Krista gets to her feet, stunned that her distraction tactics had no effect on the labido driven Rodez. And standing around stunned isn't the best place for Krista to be right now, as it allows Leon to trip her up and stack her on her shoulders with a folding press... 1... 2... No! COLE Don't tell me that Krista is actually being caught off-guard here! Scrambling to her feet, Krista drops low, shoulder faking left and right as she waits for Leon to lunge in with a rash attack. But Leon is much more in control than most of Krista's opponent would be at this stage and it's he who forces her into a rash move, catching Krista as she looks for a go-behind. Leon goes with her and after some jockeying for position, The Grand Rapids Golden Child comes out on top of the situation with a side headlock. And he then ruffles a few feathers, as he messes up the golden hair of his opponent and sends her into a tizzy!! KRISTA COACH AW SHIT SON, you done done it now! With Krista looking enraged and breathing as audibly as anything you'd expect to see on a safari, it takes a brave man to taunt Krista by telling her she's got a "couple hairs out of place". Leon is this brave man and he dodges the clothesline Krista throws at him, sticking his thumb in his mouth and catching Krista as she turns around! COLE Wha... Leon, trying to mess up Krista's make-up now!? COACH Does he have a death-wish!? Pulling free of the 'move' more commonly used by embarrassing parents in public, Krista is absolutely SEETHING! COLE I can't believe that Leon is actually playing Krista Isadora Duncan at her own game... and succeeding! Krista's bad mood isn't made any better by the smirk on Leon's face, knowing that for once somebody is getting into Krista's head instead of the other way around and clearly enjoying it. The taste of her own medicine is a sour one for K.I.D and she spits it out, right at Leon's feet, before letting out a banshei worthy shriek of anger in throwing a lariat at his head. Again Leon is able to duck though and Krista narrowly avoids hitting the turnbuckles, turning around... ...and Krista comes to a grinding halt, at the sight of Leon's jiggling BUTT kicking into high motion in front of him!! (a very female) "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh my, somebody pass the tissues! COACH COLE ...what? ...I spilt my Coke..... in my lap. COACH Krista freezes for a second, through surprise more than interest. And after a couple of seconds, she puts pay to Leon's ill-advised attempts to distract her by driving her shoe directly between his ass-cheeks, sending him sprawling in deep (deep) pain into a corner. Krista looks almost offended that Leon would think that would possibly work on her as she follows him into the corner. COACH I wonder what Jade is thinking watching this. Her mother and her uncle trying to distract each other by shaking the junk in their trunks. No wonder she's so messed up. As Leon rubs at his BUTT, Krista jumps up with another hard kick, this to the chest. Krista then scales the turnbuckles in front and balls up her fist... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" The slow fans continue counting on past seven, apparantly not realising Krista has stopped punching. She climbs from the middle rope to the top, standing over Leon for a second. Falling back off the top rope, she tucks her knees up into her chest, extending them out with perfect timing to drive a devestating dropkick into the jaw of The Silky Smooth One up against the turnbuckles! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Leon groggily falls down against the bottom turnbuckle. Absorbing her back first landing on the mat, Krista kips-up... and delivers another dropkick to the face! COACH Normal service has been resumed. Kipping-up once more, Krista extends her arms in a gymnastic stance and bows to all four corners of the arena. As she waits for the judges scores though, a reminder that she's not actually at the Olympics comes when Leon Rodez starts to stand up in the corner. Krista awards herself 10.0 to keep herself happy and goes back on the offence, whipping Leon from corner to corner across the ring. As he hits the turnbuckles, Krista retreats to the opposite corner and composes herself for her run up. Deep breaths calm her down, covering her hands with imaginary white powder before running forward. She wows the imaginary judges and the wrestling fans at this wrestling event with a cartwheel, into a back elbow... that is avoided! Krista bumps into the turnbuckles and gets hooked up with a quick Exploder Suplex to throw her back out of the corner! Cover by Leon... 1... 2... No! Leon sends Krista off into the corner this time, charging in afterwards with a clothesline. Another whip then sends Krista across ring for another attack in the corner, Leon soaring this time with the Superman Spea... NO! Krista pushes up on the top rope, doing a splits move to leave Rodez to hit the middle turnbuckle pad face-first! COACH Now that's a 10 if I ever saw it! Shaken up, out of the corner staggers Leon with his bearings spilt all over the place. As he collects them Krista waits, rolling forward off the turnbuckles to wrap her money-making legs around the head of her opponent, before pushing up off of top rope and spinning out with a Hurricanrana takeover! That leaves Leon back in a land of confusion and wide open, as Krista leaps to the middle rope and springs back with a high crossbody block... 1... 2... No! Leaving the ring Krista makes her way to the ring apron, giving the crowd on that side an alluring sight as she bends over waiting on her opponent. Leon climbs to his feet and Krista suddenly takes over, leaping to the top rope and springboarding back inside with a Hurricanra... CAUGHT! Leon catches Krista on her way down and tries to adjust into the Liontamer! "YYYEEEEEEE - BOOOOOOO!" COLE Leon looking for it here! COACH I got a feeling this is one wild cat that can't be tamed. And that lame-ass wordplay is proven right as before Leon can apply the hold, Krista has crawled through his legs and to safety out behind. She quickly hits the ropes to attack again, swinging her luscious legs around Leon's neck and bringing him over with a much safer (from her perspective) swinging headscissors. The bit is between Krista's teeth now and she charges in again. However a dip of the shoulder takes her up and over the top rope, narrowly landing on her feet on the apron from Leon's instinctive backdrop. Holding onto the top rope, Krista drives her knee in before pulling herself back into the ring underneath the bottom rope. Although, her slide doesn't take her quite as far as she's expected, leaving her laying between Leon's legs. But, as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons squeeze them, which Krista intends to do as she goes for the ball claw... but Leon grabs hold of her hand, inches away from his crotch! "Ah..." smirks Leon. "That's how you wanna play it, huh?" "Don't flatter yourself L-Rod." Krista snarls back, as she applies the dreaded ball claw with the other hand!! LEON COLE Leon getting the Blue Ball Special from the mother of his niece! COACH Been there brother. Been there. No description is really needed, or would do justice, to describe the pain that Leon is in as Krista works her vengeful lesbian magic on his private parts. "Okay, okay, lemme send me some shoutouts real quick. This right here, this for my girl Maggie..." *TUG!* "OW!" "I wanna dedicate this right here to Mel O Dyyyyyyy!" *TUG!* "OWW!" "Shoutouts to mah baby boo Alix, word." *TUG!* "OWWW! Not everybody, pleeeaaase not everybody!" "Okay okay, one last one for my little girl sitting at home, you know who you are, this right here is for Jade. I know you're watching sweetie. Don't worry, I know the number of a great... SHRINK!" *TUG!* "OW OW OW OWWWWW!" Krista finally releases her vice like grip, somehow coming away empty-handed. She hits the ropes, while Leon goes stumbling backwards in absolute agony. Physical and mental. Krista looks to compound that as she charges in. But from somewhere Leon finds it in him to go low in his own right, pulling Krista down with a quick drop toehold to drop her across the middle rope! COLE Oh! Could it be? Leon tries to do the jig, which ends up looking even more bizarre than usual as he combines it with a readjustment of his testicles at the same time. Limping off the ropes, he then comes shooting back and drives his weight into the spine of K.I.D! Unfortunately, he does it nuts first, bringing him nothing but pain as well as his opponent. COLE Call That Bitch Bojangles! COACH Oh, they're jangling alright. Jangling by a thread. As Krista pulls herself off the ropes holding her back, Leon grimaces in pain. And with his pride and joy hurt, he waits on Krista to turn around, seeing his opportunity... and despite still looking a little conflicted about it, he jabs Krista clean in the face!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE OH! Are we really going to see this? Apparantly we are, as after pausing for a second or two at the sound of people booing him Leon decides he has to go for broke and delivers another jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and cracking Krista with the enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT, TO KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! To a rather mixed reception, an apologetic looking Leon hooks Krista's leg into a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Only a two count. And if Jade is still watching by this point, which I very much doubt, I'm sure she's wishing these two were still shaking their butts and grabbing at balls. Because I can guarantee she wouldn't enjoy seeing her mother get punched in the face by the man she called brother for nearly all of her life. COACH Well Leon can't think about that now. He's gotta get ruthless. This woman's tried to rip his gonads out, ain't no time for sympathy or restraint, especially with that Money In The Bank contract, that $500,000 and those 15% shares in TSM riding on this match. Leon pulls Krista back to his feet, warned about the hair but honestly doing his best not to use it as an aide. Hooking the head in a 3/4 facelock, Leon shoos the referee out of the way. He then runs out towards the corner, looking for a lil' feedback, but getting a bad back instead as Krista shoves him off into the corner, then follows in with a corner body splash! COLE No time is sympathy time for Krista, but even so, this is where she has to get serious as well. Which she looks to do, grabbing Leon as he staggers back out of the corner and slamming her forearm into the back of his neck. A second forearm to the kidney area then sets Leon up, Krista beginning to hook him up for a fisherman's suplex, only to suddenly lunge back the other way and fold Rodez up on the back of his neck in short and shrift fashion!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh man, what a move that was! Leon winds up out of it and on one knee, perfect position for Krista to come off the ropes and deliver a Shining Enziguri to the back of The Silky Smooth One's already sore head! COACH Okay, Tyler Bryant just creamed himself. Turning Leon over, Krista hooks him up with all her womanly might... 1... 2... No! Krista quickly leaves the ring, heading to the top rope. Another Olympic quality sight for the fans as Krista reaches the top in a rather bent-over way. Krista very carefully extends herself on the top rope, straight as can be. She adopts her stance, extending her arms out, eyes forward. Deep breaths again, before she takes off, a front tuck into a legdrop, medium difficulty... but she finds NO WATER IN THE POOL as Leon rolls out of the way!! COLE And Team K.I.D will finish out of the medal placing after that one. COACH Krista's one of the best in the world at diving. Just, ya know, not THAT kind of diving. Both Leon and Krista are down and hurting at this stage in the match, drawing their fans behind them. "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" Referee Charles Robinson reaches a count of 6 amid this din, before Leon is back up. Krista isn't far behind but gets bundled into the ropes the moment she reaches her feet, getting sent for the ride. She goes underneath an attempted clothesline, Leon re-adjusting and setting up a hiptoss. Krista pulls out a twist in mid-move and wraps her legs around Leon's body in a wheelbarrow position. Pushing up off the canvas, she looks for a bulldog... but Leon throws her off, sitting out to drive her awkwardly into the mat spine first! COLE It's Da Boom! COACH It's Da Big Upset! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Rodez holds his head, thinking that might have been 3. COLE Leon will join a VERY exclusive group if he can pull off this victory over Krista Isadora Duncan here tonight. But I doubt that's the main motivation for him right now, this is about that Money In The Bank, about the World Title! COACH About those precious TSM shares! COLE I doubt it somehow. Bringing Krista to her feet again, another irish whip from Leon sends her off into a corner. With Krista slumped in the corner Leon manages to get a second or two extra to catch his breath before he sprints towards her, taking off with another Superman Spear... successful this time! The wind is knocked out of K.I.D's body and she doubles up in pain, as Leon draws on the support of the crowd, or at least his 50%, maybe down to 40% now after his face-punching of earlier. He scoops and slams Krista near the corner and signals he's going up. COLE Leon looking for 450. As Leon starts to climb the ropes though, Krista is stirring and beginning to recover. She uses the ropes to pull herself up and catches Leon on top with a punch to the midsection. And a second. Reaching up, Krista grabs onto the front of Leon's ring attire and pulls him forward so his feet are hanging on the top rope, a precarious position made even worse when Krista 'clumsily drops him', watching as he plummets face-first into the mat and giving a simple "Whoops!" in way of apology. COACH The best laid plans of mice and men are all gonna done get fucked up by Krista Isadora Duncan. Leon pulls himself up, Krista behind him waiting for him to turn around. When he does, Krista vaults to the top rope and soars back with a moonsault press to wipe him out, pulling up on the legs as she lands on top... 1... 2... NO! Krista gets back to her feet and measures Rodez up, looking to end things now. COLE The end may be nigh. Pulling himself up, Leon finds The GLAADiator waiting for him with a well placed boot to the gut. Front facelock on, Krista then pulls Leon a step away from the ropes, before giving him a taste of Life In The Fab Lane! "YYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Another cruel Twist Of Fate for Leon at Krista's hands. COACH How fitting. Hook of the leg by Krista, sitting on Leon's chest and counting along... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE No, not yet. COACH Yeah, but key words, not yet. Not yet, but soon. Not yet, but inevitable. After a few choice words to referee Charles Robinson leaving him in fear of his life like many who encounter Krista, the K.I.D sets herself once more, saying "this time it's over", before being forced to add "ya know, I said that last time, but I promise this time, you can trust me, I'm from a political family" with a fake smile worthy of said political background. Leon stumbles back up and walks into Krista's slender and tender frame once again, getting caught under the head and neck. Before he can experience any side effects from this predicament though, Leon throws his elbow to the side, catching Krista in the ear. A second elbow rocks Krista, but she recovers her senses and tries to lift Leon up again. The dizzying shots make it tough for Krista to get Leon's 218 pounds up and off his feet though and a third elbow frees him from her clutches. COLE Maybe not inevitable. Freed, Leon grabs a hold of Krista and aims her off towards the ropes with an irish whip. However a stylish spin leads to a reversal, sending Leon for the ride. Awaiting him on the rebound, Krista goes up and over with a leapfrog. Putting on the brakes, Leon tries to catch Krista by surprise, but ends up playing right into her hands. She executes a quick inverted atomic drop on the already damaged nether regions, taking a second to delight in that, before she fires off the Great California Adventure ending Superki... NO! Leon catches the foot and quickly drags Krista off of her standing leg, into the double leg, looking to apply the Liontamer! "YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Maybe not at all! COACH Don't tease me like this again! Don't tease Mister Moneymaker like this, finish her this time! Refusing to be turned, Krista arches her well toned back this way and that to prevent the hold being applied. Leon tries and tries to find the strength to turn her. But Krista proves dogged and as Leon's energy and confidence begin to deplete, it allows Krista to reach up and snare Leon's head, pulling him down into an inside cradle! COACH Aw dammit. 1... 2... NO! Narrowly avoiding the sudden loss, Leon is up quickly and looks to catch Krista by surprise once again. He takes her up looking for a slam... ...but Krista is out the back door, hooking her hands under Leon's chin as she lands and rapidly sending him plummeting down with the longest named finisher in wrestling, Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Aww! COLE Put it in the books. It's the big one and Krista is going to the big one. COACH Man I hate this place. Poor Coach is left to weep another week, as Krista stretches out for the leg and curves her bubblegum pink lips into a kiss for the crowd at home, and probably a certain daughter too... 1... 2... KICKOUT!?!?!?!? "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH DUBYA TEE EFF!? Unable to believe what they've just seen, the North Carolinians come unglued as yes, Leon did get his shoulders up before 3 as the referee makes clear to the timekeeper's table. Krista gives Robinson the killingest of all 'if looks could kill' looks, before casting the same look on Leon. "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" COLE I... I'm almost speechless, because NOBODY kicks out of Elizabeth, I'm comi... you know, THAT MOVE! And now, how is Krista going to react to that? COACH By starting a new testicle collection if that look is anything to go by. If she comes over here, you distract her while I run, should take her a few seconds to find out she's onto a loss with you and by then I'll be dust. Krista finally gets back to the business of winning the match and figures if one won't do the job, the odds are that two will, as she fixes up hold on Leon's neck. Pulling him to his feet, she gets an elbow jammed in the midsection though. The rock hard abs absorb some of the pain, but not enough, as Leon escapes out the back and takes Krista down with another schoolboy rollup... 1... 2... Quick kickout by Krista, but Leon pulls her back down once again... 1... 2... Another quick kickout, but another rollup back to the canvas... ...only this time, The Silky Smooth One turns Krista over before she has a chance to realise what's happening, into the LIONTAMER! COLE The Liontamer!! Are we not only going to see an historic singles loss, but an even more historic singles tapout loss for Krista Isadora Duncan in this Money In The Bank Semi Final!? Kneeling in with the hold, Leon increases the angle of Krista's body to put her in even more discomfort. A desperate looking Krista claws at the canvas and tries to crawl towards the ropes, pain etching on her face more and more with every passing second. First she manages to get her body out a little from Leon's knee to at least alieviates some of the pressure, but she still faces a long crawl to the ropes and Leon has no intentions of letting her go easy. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" As the K.I.D faithful get behind their gal she finds the fight to start clawing her way forward. Leon tries to stand his ground, but Krista determinedly carries on crawling, reaching out in front of her with groans of exertion... ...AND SHE REACHES THE ROPES! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Leon lets go out the hold, disappointedly but well within the referee's 5 count. COLE Say what you want about Krista but she's got tremendous heart. She just doesn't know when to give up. COACH Yeah, ya noticed that too, huh? Pulling Krista to her feet again, Leon hangs her on the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a tired knifedge chop to the ample chest. COLE He's holding nothing back now. This is crunch time. Who's going to AngleSlam? Leon pulls Krista off the ropes, looking for an irish whip. A reversal looks to be on it's way, but Leon manages to reverse the reversal and send Krista in anyway. She manages to duck underneath a clothesline though, before showing amazing agility so late in the match as she vaults to the top rope and comes back with a low flying moonsault. However, she ends up getting CAUGHT on Leon's shoulder, without enough force to take him down. With a quick adjustment, Leon has Krista on his back and set up, looking for the backpack stunner. In a dire situation, dire measures are called for and Krista isn't afraid to resort to them... ...by TICKLING LEON UNDER THE ARMPIT!! COLE OH MAH GAWD! Strangely though, Leon doesn't seem all that bothered. "Uh, Krista..." "Tickletickletickletickletickletickleti..." "Krista, I'm... I'm not ticklish." "Oh." Krista replies, sounding disappointed for a moment. "Okay, uh... in that case, you uh... wanna sing a song?" "Nope. Not really." *WHAM!* COLE BANANA HAMMOCK! He hit it! The distractions did not work! The crowd erupt for Leon this time, as he finally slumps over on top of Krista for the pin... 1... 2... NO SHE KICKS OUT!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Unbelievable! I thought that had to be it! Dragging Krista over towards the corner, Leon drops an elbow before heading up top again. He only gets out to the apron before Krista starts moving though, so wisely thinks twice and comes back inside to make doubley sure. Pulling Krista to her feet, he attacks the back with a couple of forearms, before scooping her up... and losing hold of her. Sliding over the back, Krista quickly jumps to the middle rope and kicks her feet out into Leon's chest as he approaches her. Tumbling backwards goes Leon and Krista quickly hops off the ropes. She waits for Leon to just start getting to her feet and runs in, hooking hold of him by the head... ...AND BRINGING HIM FACE-FIRST DOWN INTO HER KNEES!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH MY! COACH That's gotta do, surely. Leon's face rebounds off of the painful landing place and with him seeing stars, Krista dives on top with the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Inevitable... you know, eventually. *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing on to the FINAL of the Money In The Bank Tournament at AngleSlam 2008... KKRRRIIIIISSSSTTAAAAAA... IIISSSSAAADDOOORRRAAAA... DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Far from her usual casual celebration, Krista has a distinct look of relief as she rolls off of Leon and is announced as the winner. Krista wipes the hair from her face, blowing a few sweat dampened strands from her eyes as she places her hands on her hips. She looks down at Leon, shaking her head at the fight he just put him through and rolling out of the ring. COLE Well, though she'd never admit it, I think a show of respect out of Krista Isadora Duncan. Krista ended up with one hell of a test here tonight and was pushed right to her impressive limits. But much to Mister Moneymaker's annoyance I'm sure, it'll be the K.I.D going on to AngleSlam and the Money In The Bank Finals, to face either Alfdogg or Landon Maddix for the contract and the $500,000 cash! Krista glances back as she sees Leon beginning to stir and her sentiment lasts all of a couple of seconds, before remarking "eh, he's still a prick" on her way to the back. In the ring, Leon sits up, to a round of applause. COLE What an effort from Leon and a major disappointment I'm sure, but nothing to be ashamed of. Suddenly, of all people, BRICKSTON comes stomping down the entrance ramp and enters the ring! COLE What the--? Him again!? COACH He's here to lay the smackdown on Leon Rodez, I bet! Brickston grabs a shocked Leon Rodez by his hair and punches him in the face several times! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Oh come on now! This isn't right! This is not right! COACH THIS is what Brickston must do in order to get a World Title shot around here! COLE Now come on! Somebody stop this! COACH He hasn't been stopped all night! Why start now? Brickston scoops Leon onto his shoulders. He parades around the ring with Rodez to boos. Brickston lets out a mighty roar...and then DRILLS Leon Rodez into the mat with the Killswitch! COLE Killswitch! Killswitch on Leon Rodez! COACH That should be Tha Puerto Rican right there! Brickston lets out another mighty roar to LOUD boos! COLE Brickston has snapped! He's like a man possessed! COACH He was SCREWED last week! And now he's taking it out on everybody in the OAOAST! COLE Somebody stop this carnage! COACH The only person who can stop it is PRL and he ain't here right now, is he? COLE Come on now! Rodez lies on the mat withering in pain. Brickston, growling like a rabid dog, turns Leon around onto his stomach. He then grabs Leon's right leg, kneels down on his left knee, and then grabs the ankle. COLE Anklelock! Anklelock on Leon Rodez now! Leon Rodez screams out in pain! The crowd, who during the match was 50% behind Leon, is now fully behind The New Age Love Machine as he is at the mercy of the 6'6" big man! COACH He's going to break his ankle! COLE Brickston's got that Anklelock on Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee! COACH He's gonna put Leon out of action for months! Leon TAPS OUT~! But it's of no use, seeing as this isn't even a match! Brickston continues twisting the ankle as all Leon can do is scream and try desperately to crawl to the ropes. "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" Brickston lets out a mighty roar as he continues applying the Anklelock on Leon Rodez. Leon Rodez screams out in pain on the mat! "HEY! HEY! HEY!" Brickston turns his attention to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and THA PUERTO RICAN steps out onto the entrance stage! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE He's here! THE CHAMP IS HERE! COACH AAAH! Coach crawls underneath the announce table. Tha Puerto Rican, wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, sunglasses, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned black and green dress shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes, stands on the entrance stage PISSED OFF~! Tha Puerto Rican holds the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand and a microphone in his left hand. THA PUERTO RICAN Let him go, Brickston. Leon Rodez has nothing to do with any of this! Brickston now has an evil smile on his face. He lets go of the Anklelock on Leon Rodez. Rodez lies on the mat, clutching his right knee in pain. Brickston stands up and stares at Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Thank God! "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE I thought Tha Puerto Rican wouldn't show up this week due to the Powerbomb on the floor he received from Brickston last Thursday night, but I guess I was wrong! He's here! And now maybe Brickston can stop interfering in people's matches here tonight! THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, you come out here, attacking people, giving them the Killswitch, giving them the Anklelock! All because you're pissed that I didn't answer the 10 count last Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! in our match-up!? Geeze, talk about being bitter! It's not like I could just magically get up before the count of 10 last Thursday! You DID Powerbomb me on the floor, remember!? Brickston now has a microphone. BRICKSTON Oh, I remember. I remember, P.R.! I also remember that I was SCREWED out of winning the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship last Thursday night! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BRICKSTON You COULD have gotten up at the count of 10, but you chose not to, because you KNEW that your Title was in danger! You were perfectly fine, but you took the coward's way out! The crowd boos again. COLE Oh come on! COACH Yeah! He's right! Coach crawls back underneath the announce table. BRICKSTON You know damn well that I deserve to have a rematch! But I don't want just any normal rematch! You see, AngleSlam is coming up, and I can't think of no better place to be crowned World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in my career than in front of 68,000-plus fans in the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas! It's certainly better than this dump! (CHEAP HEAT~!) BRICKSTON So, that is where I want our rematch to take place. AngleSlam. You...and me, P.R.! One-on-one! With the ONE thing that anybody worth a crap in this business wants more than anything, the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship, on the line! Only this time, P.R., things will be a little bit different. One fall will NOT decide the match. No, not even two falls will decide the match! No, this is not a 2-Out-Of-3 Falls Match that I am proposing. This is something even MORE excruciating than that match! What I propose is...let's up the ante. Let's separate the men from the boys, P.R.! Let's find out who is the general in this ring! Let's go to the one place that very few people in this business will ever dream of going, P.R. That all of those guys in the back, P.R., are ever scared to do. P.R., AngleSlam, you and me, I am challenging you...to a SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH! COLE WHOA! Tha Puerto Rican stands there, unfazed by this. BRICKSTON SIXTY MINUTES, P.R.! Let's find out who The Man is! SIXTY MINUTES! ONE HOUR! Can you go the distance? Sixty minutes! The one with the most falls is THE undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! But you gotta look inside, P.R., and you gotta ask yourself: 'Can I hang?' Because I know I can! Can you hang, P.R.? Can you step into this ring and go ONE HOUR with me? Can you, P.R., put it all on the line and hope to God that your lungs don't explode before the end? And can you accept the fact, P.R., that the truth will be told: that when you lay on that mat gasping for air after SIXTY MINUTES of getting your ass kicked by the best in this damn business, you will look into my eyes and you will KNOW, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT YOU CAN'T HANG WITH ME BECAUSE I HAVE NO EQUAL! P.R., you will KNOW, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT I AM THE MAN! THAT I AM THE BEST! AND THAT I AM THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tha Puerto Rican just stands there watching Brickston. BRICKSTON So, what do you say, P.R.? Are you man enough to accept my challenge? Tha Puerto Rican thinks this over. The crowd cheers loudly. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE What's P.R. going to say? BRICKSTON SPEAK, DAMNIT! Tha Puerto Rican puts up a finger to let Brickston know to wait a few seconds. PRL paces back and forth on the entrance stage. He turns his back to the ring. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has some serious thinking to do. Is he really going to accept Brickston's challenge? COACH He'd be stupid not to! Oh wait, he IS stupid! HA! HA! Coach crawls back underneath the announce table. Tha Puerto Rican takes a deep breath, and then turns back to the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN 60-Minute Iron Man Match. OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Main event of AngleSlam. Well, seeing as how I will NOT back down from any challenge, and seeing as how I have nothing planned for Sunday August 31st, let Tha Puerto Rican officially say the following: I ACCEPT! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Tha Puerto Rican accepts Brickston's challenge! A 60-Minute Iron Man Match for the OAOAST Championship is our main event for AngleSlam! Brickston nods his head, a satisified grin on his face. THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican is ready. Tha Puerto Rican CAN hang with you! And Tha Puerto Rican CAN and WILL kick your candy ass all over the Alamodome in 16 days! The crowd cheers loudly! The crowd chants his name. P.R. stops to "smell the electricity". COLE It is going to be a war in 3 weeks at AngleSlam! THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, Tha Puerto Rican realizes that there is something deep down inside of you that eats you alive, something that makes you wake up in a cold sweat, makes you have nightmares, and that is the FACT that as good as you are, Tha Puerto Rican is simply...better. And at AngleSlam, Iron Man Match, 60 Minutes, One Hour, Tha Puerto Rican is going to prove that! Brickston rolls his eyes. Meanwhile, Leon Rodez is being helped to the back by referees Charles Robinson and Mickey Jay. THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, 16 days, 60-Minute Iron Man Match at AngleSlam, Sunday August 31st from the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas. Tha Puerto Rican says this: you're probably saying to yourself, 'P.R., an hour is too much for Tha Puerto Rican to handle, one hour is too long.' Well, considering what Tha Puerto Rican is going to do to you at AngleSlam in the 60-Minute Iron Man Match, one hour...isn't long enough. Brickston, watch out for the lightning strikes, because come AngleSlam, you WILL suffer a P.R. Nightmare! The longest, most excruciating, most PAINFUL P.R. Nightmare anybody has EVER suffered! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican stands on the entrance stage, staring at Brickston, who stares back, an evil grin on his face. Tha Puerto Rican runs his mouth although no one can hear him since he isn't speaking into the microphone. COLE What a bombshell! What a match made for AngleSlam! A 60-Minute Iron Man Match! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Brickston with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship on the line! I didn't think it was possible, but AngleSlam has just gotten even BIGGER! What a great pay-per-view that's going to be in three weeks time! COACH Is he gone? COLE No, he's still out here. COACH AAAH! COLE Fans, we'll be right back! Don't go away! Tha Puerto Rican continues running his mouth on the entrance stage. Brickston runs his mouth from inside of the ring. Leon Rodez has disappeared from the ringside area as he has been taken to the back. Tha Puerto Rican jaw jacks with Brickston on the entrance stage as "Know Your Role 2000" continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the last image that we see before we fade to black and head to the commercial break. FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIALS

OAOAST HeldDOWN is Brought to you by.... Dicks, Rich Pricks & Beautiful Chicks Live from The Alamodome August 31st San Antonio, Texas ANGLESLAM Shill Center Cue that fun summertime music with a western flair as the AS logo swoops across the screen. Awaiting us inside the Shill Center, OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan, still dressed like a tourist for those who care. BRANNIGAN Hi again, everyone, or in honor of this year’s Lone Star State edition of Angleslam -- howdy! We are now just 2 weeks away from the hottest event of the summer. The date: Sunday night, August 31 live exclusively on pay-per-view from the sold out Alamodome in San Antonio. Since I last shilled Angleslam to you there have been plenty of new developments. And here’s one of them, as first reported this past weekend on the OAOAST Hot Newzline… TEXAS BULLROPE MATCH Mr. Dick vs. Baron Windels BRANNIGAN …the former Lone Star Gunslingers will now duel in a Texas bull rope match! This coming on the heels of what occurred here last week when the Human Hard-On -- his term not mine -- got roped and hung! Well hung you can say. Mr. Dick hot under the short shorts following that incident, pushing hard for Josie Baker to suspend Baron Windels indefinitely! But our esteem new General Manager would have none of that, citing Mr. Dick’s own comments about this being the final opportunity for Baron Windels to prove he’s man enough to handle The Dick in her decision. Right now let’s hear from the original Lone Star Gunslinger, Baron Windels. The Alamo at nighttime serves as the backdrop for Baron Windels, a BULLROPE in hand. BARON I see all those yoga classes did you real well, Jock, because you’re currently gagging on your own dick! On Sunday night, August 31 you and I will be joined at the wrist by this (holds up bull rope). There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. It’s gonna be you and me at the same place at the same time. Better yet, there won’t be none of this touch all 4 corners junk. You gotta earn it the old fashion way…by PINNING your man. I bet you must’ve cum yourself in fear when you first got the news because as you found out the hard way last week, you'll be stepping in the ring with a new and improved Baron Windels. One that no longer gives a damn about playing by the rules! In times of war people say take the moral highroad because stooping to the tactics of your enemy makes you no better. Well sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. We all got a dark side hidden deep down somewhere. Mr. Dick helped bring my out. Now it’s time to finish what I started. Last chance, huh? More like your last breath, Dick. We cut to Brannigan in the studio. BRANNIGAN This “new” Baron Windels is one I’d be very worried about if I were Mr. Dick and all the other superstars here in the OAOAST. OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP Jade Rodez vs. Malaysia Nerdly BRANNIGAN Announced right here last week, second generation superstar Jade Rodez to challenge reigning OAOAST Women’s Champion Malaysia Nerdly. It was only a little over a month ago that these two met, with Malaysia emerging victorious in dominate fashion. But after a mother/daughter talk, Krista Isadora Duncan has agreed to share the secrets of her success, if you will, with young Jade. Will that knowledge combined with youthful exuberance be enough to dethrone the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns? We’ll find out August 31. ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE TABLES, LADDERS & CHAIRS MATCH Beverly Hills Blonds vs. D*LUX vs. Reject & TK BRANNIGAN Oh, my. You can expect the 65,000-plus strong expected to attend Angleslam to be on their edge of their seats for this one. With tables, ladders and chairs involved, Deadly Alliance members Reject & Thunderkid defend their title against Enterprise representatives the Beverly Hills Blonds and D*LUX. This is as much for revenge as it is for the tag team championship of the world. Allow me to refresh your memory. HeldDOWN~! Last Week BRANNIGAN (shaking head) Deplorable! As somebody who’s done his fair share of shady things in the past, there’s no way I’d ever lay my hand on a woman unless it was a sanction match. I’m probably not alone in hoping the Blonds and D*LUX can put their differences aside, at least for a short while, to teach Reject and TK a lesson. I get sick just thinking about what they did. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND James "Lunar Phoenix" Cone vs. Sly Sommers BRANNIGAN And I have a feeling a lot of people will be sick after seeing the match dubbed the Devil‘s Playground for its barbaric stipulations. This one certainly isn’t for the faint of heart. INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH Colin Maguire, Jr vs. Jereme Grey BRANNIGAN For the revived Intercontinental Title, as order by HeldDOWN~! General Manager Josie Baker, Colin Maguire Jr. and Jereme Grey will look to finally settle their score in a no disqualification bout. If fighting for pride and the title wasn’t enough already, Evelyn Maguire will serve as guest referee! Needless to say, Colin was none too pleased about that. The music cues as Brannigan wraps it up. BRANNIGAN As always, be sure to visit our website daily and stay tuned to the OAOAST television networks for more information as it becomes available. I’ll see you again in two weeks to shill Angleslam one last time before the big event on Sunday night, August 31. Don’t wait till the last minute, though. Call your local cable or satellite company and order Angleslam right now! COMING UP NEXT SEMI FINAL MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ NEXT! COMMERCIAL

Motley Crue's “Wild Side” draws a look of dread onto everyone who isn't into kinky fetish play, as Malaysia's many violent escapades play on the video screens between her many perverse escapades with Jock. Through the parting entrance doors, the meanest of all Nerdly children arrives, leather bound, and looking to inflict as much pain as possible on her foe. BUFFER The following non-title contest is set for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes now making her way to the ring. she is the OAOAST Women's Champion... MMMAAALLLLLAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIIAAAAAAA...NNEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYY!!! COLE Malaysia Nerdly may not be defending her title tonight, but at Angleslam she's going against a presumably madeover Jade Rodez-Duncan! Will Jade's mother be joining her at AS in the MITB finals or will it be her uncle meeting up with one of Alfdogg or Landon Maddix? BUFFER And her opponent from Hoboken, New Jersey she is The Jersey Girl! COACH She is DOA. At least she ain't good looking. I got no sympathy for ugly hoes. A young lady, who can't be out of her mid twenties, with a petite physique, closely cropped red hair, red t-shirt, and black workout pants raises her arm into the air. Despite her enthusiasm she's obviously no match for Malaysia. DING DING DING As soon as the bell ring the Jersey Girl trots across the ring and launches a lariat at Malaysia. Though the east coaster hits with full force her attack merely etches an aroused smile onto the dominatrix's face. Surprisingly not put off by Malaysia's pleasure, the young lady strikes with a knee to the leg. This seems to anger Malaysia more than it does please her and she slams her elbow into her foe's jaw. The Jersey girl teeters backwards before landing in the ropes. She doesn't stay in that position for very long however, before Malaysia rushes forward and clotheslines her over the cables! The youngster lands on the apron back first, but is given no reprieve as the massive Canadian terrorizes her with stomps as she purrs in an orgasmic glee. COACH Krista better cart Jade down to the local S&M club for a few lessons. And Molly better be better to videotape it. Damn interns always calling out sick. COLE She got kicked in the ribs, I think Molly deserves a week off. COACH Lazy interns. The Jersey Girls rolls back into the ring, and staggers upright. There she's met with several knife edge chops that earn the requisite whoo's from the audience as well as more aroused giggling from Malaysia. Once she's done with her chops, Malaysia latches onto her rival's thin arm and chucks her across the ring. After bouncing off the ropes The Jersey Girl composes herself quickly enough to leap into Malaysia for a cross body block! But the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns catches her enemy in her arms and her face fills with a crazed type of smirk. COACH Jade's going to be seeing that look all Angleslam long. Just you watch, Cole. Jade ain't got no Duncan swagger! She ain't got no confidence! Then Malaysia throws the Jersey Girl overhead with a fall away slam! But much to the audience's joy the plucky youth lands on her gold wrestling boots. And those wrestling boots carry her forward with a lariat that's simply snuffed out by a big boot from Malaysia! As The Jersey Girl clutches her face and screams in pain, Malaysia towers above her and laughs at her misfortune. Its misfortune that continues to mount, when Malaysia presses her boot against her face and grinds it into her mouth. While Jersey Girl nearly chokes on Malaysia's heel, the detestable champion continues her perverted giggling. COLE That is...that is just too much! COACH Bitch getting what she deserves for being named after Ben Affleck's worst movie. Now deeply ashamed of her name, as well as in deep pain, the pride of New Jersey crawls to the ropes and uses them to head upright. But there, Malaysia pounces on her with forearms, and each one that lands comes with deep moans of sexual ecstasy from the dominatrix. The Nerdly sister gives herself even more pleasure by latching onto the strands of Jersey Girl's short red hair and ripping it out. Rather than letting it flutter free of her hands, the dominating beastess licks the strands as though were an adored lover. Malaysia finally discards the strands and takes even greater glee in pressing The Jersey Girl's neck into the ropes and choking her out. “Squeal for me! Squeal!” Malaysia orders, and draws immense delight from the cries of her rival. COLE This is just- COACH Hot as hell! You go girl! Say what you will about Leon, but its Jock who knows how to get that prime Nerdly tail. At the referee's request Malaysia abruptly breaks the hold, but does so simply to grab her much weaker rival into a gutwrench. From there she sweeps the lightweight off her feet and into a lethal Canadian backbreaker. Already The Jersey Girl is ready to submit, but that can't even be scored by the referee before Malaysia turns her upside down and drops her square on her head with a devestating piledriver! COLE Good god! COACH Stay home and babysit, Maya, Jade! Stay home! Malaysia places but a pinky on her KO'ed rival and barks at the official to make his count ONE! TWO! THREE! BUFFER Here is your winner, the OAOAST Women's Champion... MALAYSIA NNEEERRRDDLLLLLYYYY!!! COLE I know Krista has quite the formula, she's a huge success, her father's a politican for goodness sakes, so the family method tends to work. But, there's nothing in this world like the Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns. What's Jade going to do at Angleslam to stop this from happening to her? Malaysia leaves her foe to convulse on the ring floor, standing up a smile as though she's just experienced her life's greatest pleasure. Finally, she exits the ring, licking The Jersey Girl's sweat off her fingers with a savage joy. COACH Yo, that was what's in store for Jade at Angleslam and even better its what's in store for Baron to when Jock gets his hands on him! There are loud boos from the stands and worried gasps as well, as Brickston, trailed by a chuckling Vitamin X, marches down the ring ramp. With the primal fire flaring in his steel grey eyes, and his mouth curled into a snarl, he's come for evil and nothing but. COLE Its Brickston again! But...no! He couldn't be here for The Jersey Girl? At X's orders, Brickston slides into the ring. He eyes up Jersey Girl without a shade of pity or remorse, as the youth tries in vain to register what misery she's about to incur. COLE You can't! You can't put her in an anklelock! He can and he does, Brickston takes hold of her foot and violently twists it within his signature anklelock! Screams shoot out of her mouth as her face contorts in a terrible pain. Though she taps out, this doesn't provoke Brickston to release the hold, and even worse, he only twists harder on her ankle. COLE I said it when Reject attacked Molly, and I'll say it now, this crosses a line! COACH You had a point with Molly, 'cause she's cute. But this ho ugly as sin, go on and jack her up, Brickston. Let these bugger bear bitches know we ain't gonna tolerate no-titty hoodrats on our shows! I'ma hit a frog splash on a bitch in a minute. The referee begs and begs Brickston to release his crying victim, but there's no signs of relent in the insane eyes of the former Lightening Crew member. So foolishly, the referee puts his hand on his broad shoulders in an effort to pry him away from his victim. Though he has success its a small victory, as now Brickston turns his murderous intent on the referee, and in one quick motion mows him down with a lariat! “BOOOOOOO!” COLE All this over the world title! All this over the world title! We cut to commercial with the snorting Brickston looking down in animal rage at his victims. COMMERCIAL

COLE Earlier this week in their hometown of LA, Krista Isadora Duncan showed her daughter Jade the true meaning of the Duncan way. Normally, Molly Nerdly would be the Duncan Girl videographer, but with her injuries from Reject, Molly was given the week off. But, Krista did allow normal OAOAST cameras into her gym, why don't we take a look at what went down! TAPED TUESDAY MORNING SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA Our scene is Krista Isadora Duncan's state of the art gym in Santa Monica. We quickly breeze through the main multi level fitness area with its numerous high tech equipment and even more numerous toned attractive body to a back room typically used for spinning classes. Gone are the usual bicycles to make room for a wrestling ring. Inside the wrestling ring stands Jade Rodez, clad in the same pink tracksuit we've seen her in for over a year. Next to her is a pony tailed Alix Maria Spezia, not necessairly dressed to workout in tight boot cut jeans with blown out holes and a grey shirt that reads Abercrombie down the side. Krista sits on the outside, in super short jean shorts and a pink and white baby doll, soaking up the sun from the wall length windows with martini in hand. Next to her is Terry Taylor enjoying a personalized facial, on Krista's dime. TAYLOR (looking at his face in a mirror) Wow, this makeup looks fantastic! KRISTA Honey, that's not makeup, they just washed your face. TAYLOR Oh. Still looks pretty. The focus shifts to Alix and Jade in the ring, with Jade nervously bouncing on her heels, but Alix a fine example of cool calmness. ALIX Okie dokie, miss pokie, remember, let each gesture tell a lil story the way she does, okaty? Jade lowers her head and sighs with a frustrated sadness. JADE I'll never be like her, Alix. You know that. ALIX Uh, yeah, of course not! Well, she's like, oh my god, one of the great artists of all time. But we're not gonna honor her by quitting, ok? Now, come on, let's go again. 5, 6, 7, 8... JADE AND ALIX (singing and doing the twisting and twirling dance) Oops! I did it again; I played with your heart; got lost in the game; oh, baby, baby. Oops! I did it again; I played with your heart; got lost in the game; oh, baby, baby. Alix and Jade finish with a flourishing twirl, bent over, and with her their heads extended towards Krista and the look of dancer for Justin Timberlake. Jade doesn't hold the pose for long, however, and breaks it with worry. Nervously, she looks out to her mother for approval, and Krista returns heaps of it with hearty applause. KRISTA Bravo! Both the name of the fine cable network that serves the greater good of humanity by featuring Hedi Klum in short skirts every week, and a congratulations to you for a great job! JADE Oh gosh, I don't know. Mom, I know that part of the Duncan way is being awesome at dancing. But I am far from awesome at dancing. Maybe we can skip it? KRISTA Oh, honey, stop! You're a white girl from the Midwest the very fact that you can sing and dance in rhythym without falling and landing face first between a Fudruckers and an Autozone is worthy of two snaps around the world! ALIX Ya know, I actually feel the spirit of Britney in the room. And you... Are not... that... innocent. JADE But, Mom, you're much better than me! You...you were a dancer for Guns N Roses. KRISTA Me shaking my boobs to Axl drunkenly threatening to insert a camera tripod up the rear end of a fire extinguisher is nothing to you shaking your tail feather to the TRL Hall of Fame hits of yesteryear. And me shaking my boobs at anything is nothing to sneeze at. Seriously. I get a little allergy action happening, I give myself the ol mammary shimmy and poof all gone, works better than Benodryl. ALIX Cured me of malaria! TERRY And me of wanting to preserve my self respect! KRISTA Second lesson needed. Second of thousands needed. No that sounds mean. Second of millions. Millions is more than a thousand. Hand me a shovel, Terry, I'd like to dig my hole just a lil bit deeper. Uh, style! Its not just a magazine suitable for self pleasuring on those lonely nights when both cable and Internet are out, its something that melts the icicles on a Duncan girl's frigid heart. Jade, you're eighteen years old, when you're eighteen months old you should have realized that this world and its many inhabitants are about as deep as a puddle of puppy pee. Knowing and dreading where this going, Jade clings to that worn out pink tracksuit like its her favorite childhood stuffed animal. JADE I..I...know I'm not the sharpest dresser. I uh..I admit that. But- KRISTA But nothing. Unless that BUTT belongs to Lucy Lawless, then BUTT please! Simply put, I'd like to believe people are enlightened enough to look past your free haircut at barber's college hairdo, the pink tracksuit that has you looking like a cross between a ghost buster and mutant piece of Bubblecious to say to themselves “Wow, there's a girl with really big feet for a woman.” But, I'm sorry to say, I think they're diseceting many other things before they get to the clown shoes. So with dry eyes and light hearts we're bidding a less then fond arvederichi to the track suit. ALIX And its not sayin nothin back, 'cause track suits can't talk, and if this dude could, he'd be sayin “Kill me, kiiillll me, KRISTA “Why do you let a creature as awful as me live?” JADE Its not bad. That bad. Alix, help me out. ALIX When it was in the hamper, it tried to grope me in the shower! Every one, person or article of clothing knows I charge ten dollars per cheek! KRISTA Ugh, its Biff Atlas. TERRY Hmmm? KRISTA Should be burned beyond all human recognition. Krista motions to her assistants to set Jade's suit on fire. Eager to hold onto her beloved outfit, Jade slides through the ropes and drops to her knees in front of her mom. JADE You can't burn it! I got it on sale from WAL*MART! XXL, XXL, XXL, XXL, that's all I saw for hours looking through the rack, but there it was buried beneath the mumu's for the fatties calling out to me, my precious medium sized tracksuit! KRISTA I'm sorry did the sexiest ears in America just hear WAL*MART? Forget burning it, that'll just release the ghastly spirits of ignorant Midwestern republican's into the air. Before you know it we'll be watching Monday Night Football and watching the UFC at Hooters. Well, the Hooters part might have me voting McCain in November. Krista latches onto the back off Jade's track top, and despite her eldest daughter's considerable struggles manages to rip it free with one effortless tug. KRISTA This thing bit me! It bit me, Jade. It bit me! JADE You shouldn't have made fun of it. So...uh..what do I wear now? KRISTA The Duncan girl handbook says nothing but heels and a smile, but seeing as you're about to fight someone who carries a whip, what is this Roots, and lash marks are a bitch for the makeup girl to get out before you go to the tanning salon, we'll settle on next to nothing. JADE I dunno, you're on a billion world's most sexiest people lists. And I'm on...um...one, and I wrote it. I won't look as good you. But I've always wanted to wear a clown outfit! Could I just dress as a clown? KRISTA A clown is a cruel exaggeration of unfortunate deformity and the pain of his condition is masked by his grotesque painted smile. Whereas a skirt short enough to be a belt and a shirt short enough to be a necklace encourages young boys to explore their sexuality through intense self gratification. Honey, you're gorgeous, and my mom didn't make me slavishly adhere to a strict diet when I was young so I could grow up and tell her grand kids to wear clothes like a normal mom! If aliens landed today and saw clown Jade trying to cram herself in clown car, or bikini Jade tryin to cram herself into a clown car, who do you've think they'd hope into the Ford Focus with? Bikini jade! Look Jade, as my mother once told me god gave you those breasts for more than just feeding ungrateful children and using as a flotation device in case of an in flight emergency, he also gave you them to carefully manipulate and control others. JADE Like when you got pulled over by that butch looking policewoman, and you just ripped open your shirt and said “meet license and registration” and then sped away? TERRY You should've seen when the custom's official asked to see her passport! JADE Hey, I'm ahead of the curve, mom. I..um...I have plenty of experience using my looks to get what I want. Um...Alix, remember when we were at 7-11 and I gave that clerk my special look and he gave me a free slurpee? ALIX Yeah, kinda, but he also said, now quit making that weird fish face at me and get out the store. Anyskittle, lemme show ya whatcha can do in a match. Alright, so, like check it out, you're near the corner or something, right. And you say, “Oh mister referee, I seem to have dropped my copy of the Venezuelan constitution.” Alix bends over and gives her booty a nice slow wiggle to the imaginary referee. ALIX I found it! Alix stands back up and drops her imaginary constitution down her shirt, as she leans against the turnbuckles. ALIX “Oh no, it fell down my shirt, and I have such a hard time getting these buttons undone, do you think you could help mister referee?” Then Malaysia gets BUTT hurt 'cause her chest is so flat it oughta be served with eggs and bacon on an IHOP value menu and she comes charging in and you go bye-bye, and she goes ouchie right into the ring posts! KRISTA That'd be fairly brilliant plan, if you know, a six hundred page document could fit down someone's shirt! Jade, honey, any other questions? JADE I was talking with uh...Baron...and he well..uh..he said maybe I should try learning some good submissions. KRISTA Submissions? Oh what pain, oh what undue suffering and hardship! Oh what flashbacks to every Vitamin X promo ever! Oh, horrible horrible horrific boredom! Must stay awake, for the good of humanity, must struggle to stay awa...zzzzz zzzz zzzzz. Submissions? Perhaps we might indulge our listening comprehension skills on something smidgen more useful. Alix, tell us about the time you saw a squirrel who looked like it was reading a newspaper? ALIX Oh yeah! This was awesome. So, like, you know, I was driving Terry to go get his Vagisil JADE Vagisil? Ewwww! ALIX Or maybe it was Tums, Anyskittle, I saw this squirrel on the street and he had this newspaper in his like little squirrelly hands, and it looked like he was reading it and stuff and it was oh my god so freakin cute. Like cuter than me, and I'm adorable! I have a bumper sticker from Hot Topic that says “2Cute4U” to prove it and also one that says “I Don't Give an F if you're offended”, because I'm a gangsta banging blood 24/7. Anymoonie, I had to speed up and run over little Rocky, because I've been transmitting messages to my communist brothers in Cuba through the Family Circus comics and I can't risk CIA super rodents finding me out. KRISTA Paranoid? Check? Delusional? Check plus. Total ignorance of the laws of the animal kingdom? Check plus plus. Butchering of the simple grammatical rules of sentence structure? Gold star! More relevant to winning a match than a submission? Gold star and eraser clapping duty after class, and this is one teacher who doesn't hand out eraser clapping duty very often. ALIX Oooh oooh! I love eraser clapping duty! I like it when it kicks up that huge cloud of smoke, because then I scream “I'M DUSTMAN THE BARBARIAN” and the kids on the short bus looked at me and said “And I thought we were retarded” and I felt good knowing I helped with their self esteem. KRISTA And the scales of relevance still tipped in favor of Dustman The Barbarian! That all brings us to our third lesson “Winners Don't Use Drugs!” and that witty pop culture reference drops us off at the doorstep of our fourth lesson, charisma. Duncan girl charisma is so legendary, that the ghost of Atillia The Hun could be carrying the Lindbergh baby down the Oscar's Red Carpet, and me coughing up phlegm would still draw the attention of every E! News reporter on the scene. Probably because none of them know who Atilla the Hun and the Lindbergh baby are, but I digress. Anyway, charisma. JADE I think I can act kind of tough. Sometimes in the rental car Tyler wants to listen to Leona Lewis and I want Jesse McCartney and we get into these big arguments and...I'll stop now. KRISTA That's for the best. Honey, I'm afraid bad ass charisma is out like Survivor and Surreal Life. We're Jews, honey. We don't do bad ass all that well. Forty thousand of us were massacred during the forties and all we did was say “Hey, it's cool, we'll be fine with this little chunk of land surrounded by people who hate our guts. Don't worry about us.” Besides, you don't get a role in the Transformers sequel by threatening to beat someone within an inch of their life with a rusted blood soaked ice pick. Although you do stop the maids from asking for raises I've noticed, or even opening their mouthes except to shriek in horror. Now, we're also a political family, which means at least one male has fathered an illegitimate child with a black woman. Its fun to try and guess which one! But it also means we're wizards with words. Duncan girl charisma is fresh for the Kids Choice awards, its fun for Ellen, its witty for Letterman, and even better its musical for the OAOAST! Pour example, suppose you throw Malaysia out the ring, ALIX Did we forget to mention you'll have a catapult for this match? KRISTA Right, so with the aid of mideviel weaponry out goes Malaysia. With the boring pro wrestler with the arms as big as the state's child molestation charges against Terry, not in the ring to induce a catatonic state of viewers around the globe, the Duncan girl goes like so.... ALIX Okie dokie jokie, follow along, 'cause its easy to be as charismatic as your mommy, its impossible to be as bitchin as your future step-mommy! We're flippin open our compact mirrors Jade mimes flipping open a compact mirror, as she nervously watches Alix's movements ALIX We're loving ourselves, we're loving ourselves, and we're thinking wow Alix's tush looks great in those jeans, what did I, a vengeful mean spirited hell bound drunk due to deserve such a little ball of life, energy and love, but we're saying, we're singing, we're shaking our booty, (Alix starts singing) Girl I can't notice but to, notice you, noticing me, from across the room.... Jade joins in with Alix and together they sing while pretending like they're admiring their appearance in a compact mirror JADE and ALIX I can see it and can't stop myself from looking and noticing you, noticing me, Watch out I've seen her type before, That girl is so DANGEROUS, That girl is so DANGEROUS, That girl is a bad girl, I've seen her type before She's so DANGEROUS, That girl is so DANGEROUS, That girl is a bad girl, yeah! ALIX Okay, here's the tricky part! It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time It's Tricky...it's Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Tricky)! When Malaysia gets like super angry, and she slides into the ring, without taking your eyes off your compact mirror, you've gotta leg drop her! Now, if ya miss, then you're really sucky at basic human body movements and I'll never talk to you again, but also she might like trap ya in one of those submi..susmis...suspicions or whatever you mentioned earlier. And if you've been sneaking the handle of her whip off for a little self-lovin like I have, then her suspicions are correct, and her whip handle makes a pretty kick ass lover. So before she chokes ya out or whatever, and you wanna get the crowd behind ya in a comeback do like this. Alix drops to the mat, and pretends as though she's being choked out, which strangely involves just rolling in a circle and awkwardly flapping her arms like a penguin. ALIX (singing) It's not my time, I'm not going There's a fear in me It's not showing This could be the end of me And everything I know Oh, I won't go! JADE Hey, that's 3 Doors Down, that's Tim Cash's entrance music! KRISTA Tim Cash? Honey, mommy doesn't mean to be a negative nancy and not a Kool Krissy, but aren't you just a wee bit old to have imaginary friends? Why not introduce yourself to some of the local boys like Jack Daniels, Jim Beam or Hein...Eken. Just drink more is what I'm saying. When you turn twenty one, of course. JADE You said you'll teach me putdowns to. I..uh...I suck at insulting at people. One time I was at Burger King with Melody and it smelled funny, and I said “Hey, what's that smell”, and She said “Probably your upper lip.” and I said “I know you are, but what am I” but when I said it, I was at Subway with Maggie and it was three days later. KRISTA Alix, you're not allowed to talk to my children anymore. Honey, the keen ability to reduce anyone's self esteem to the microscopic levels normally reserved for Terry's genitals is the lifeblood of a Duncan girl's existence. It may have cheated us out of several Miss Congeniality awards, but with butts like ours we could recite Mein Kampf for our talent and say reinstituting slavery for those blacks without jobs is our plan to change the world, and we'd still sweep the beauty pageant. So, you want to putdown your fellow man, eh? A noble goal, if ever I heard one. But you're a bit of a goody goody! JADE I am not! In order to test Jade's claims of rebelliousness, Alix takes the tie out of her pony tail and throws it on the ground. ALIX Pick that up! JADE Yes, ma'am! ALIX Ha-ha! Goody two shoes! Goody two shoes! JADE Drats! KRISTA Let's try the simplest, most elementary way of tormenting an undeserving target... Krista dials her cellphone and keeps it on speaker. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT Salutations, good fellows! KRISTA Hello. This is Nurse Iva Niceass from Dr. La-bop-duh-duhp-boop-boop's office. Got good news for ya. It's time to start your physical therapy. WRIGHT What? Why in the blazes should you convoke communication in the morning's fresh infancy? KRISTA Well, with that kind of an attitude, we're not gonna get anywhere. Now, let's start with some neck rolls. WRIGHT Neck rolls? Woman, I deem you simple! Advisement from your office's resident medicine man speaks of me resting my sore neck! KRISTA Yeah? Well, he changed his mind. Start rollin'. WRIGHT Egads! This overwhelming pain shall be the death of me! The anguish incurred when I do it to the right is like none ever before! JADE Oh, dear, I couldn't hear what you just said, but it's better if you do them all to the right! And punch yourself in the face. That helps a lot. ALIX Jadeycakes, that's not very lady like. JADE Sorry, I meant punch yourself with an open fist! ALIX That's our girl. There's a loud smacking sound which is no doubt Christian punching himself in the face on the “nurses'” advisement. WRIGHT OWWWWW! Krista clicks off the phone as everyone giggles at CW's misfortune. JADE Physical and mental suffering, wow I never knew they could come so easily and be so much fun! But, Mom, how did I do today? Okay? KRISTA Jade, when you became a Jew like your mother dearest, you were blessed with a few magical gifts like being able to find Adam Sandler's movies post Happy Gilmore funny, but you also limited yourself to exactly two career choices. Entertainer or accountant. And Duncan girls ain't no good at long division. But, you young lady, are on your way to becoming one ab-fab entertainer! I'm very proud of you. Krista picks up a bottle of vodka, to perhaps toast to Jade's work. KRISTA One for you (she pours the vodka into her mouth) and one for our fallen homie Molly (Krista pours the rest onto the camera) We fade out on the Duncan girls and return to live action, the backstage area where Mister Dick, in nothing more than towel that's just barely long enough to be a snug fit stands with a disinterested Malaysia watching a TV screen. MISTER DICK Malaysia, baby, go out there and show them how its done. Malaysia smiles her leering evil grin and nods knowingly. After running her hands down MD's smooth muscular physique, Malaysia turns to head towards the ring. As she leaves, Dickzillia, gives her a playful snap on the BUTT with his towel. Sadly, he was only shown from the chest up. Maybe one day! COMMERCIAL

Cut backstage, where Sly Sommers is stretching in The In Crowd's locker room. A knock on the door is heard. SLY Come in! Cooper Riley walks in, not looking happy. SLY Bro...listen. I've been an awful mentor. I apologize, man. I'm really sorry about the whole deal with the match not going down on Syndicated. The guys I got booked...well, there's a reason they never made it (makes a bottle-drinking motion with his mouth and hand). But listen, I'm going to make it up to you. Next week...it could be my last night on this show. I want to go out with a bang if I can't physically come back after entering the Devil's Playground. COOPER Um, what are you talking about? SLY I want you. Next week, that ring, on this show. I know I've been saying you need to climb slowly...and this breaks all those rules. But, I know you have the potential to be a superstar, despite you not being blessed with a superstar physique. I want one match with the guy who's going to become "THE" Cooper Riley someday. COOPER Listen boss, I love you and thank you for thinking of me...I don't want to fight you. SLY I don't want to "fight" you either. I want to wrestle you. Sporting contest, two competitors trying to win a match. I want to leave the fans with something to remember me by and you're so spectacular in that ring when you want to be...it could be incredible. COOPER I dunno, boss... SLY Chicken? COOPER What? SLY Chicken? COOPER You're sayin' I'm scared? SLY I'm not saying it...you're showing it. COOPER Fine. You got it. Next week. SLY Awesome, thank you SO much. Bo and Zack'll be at the school this weekend for a bit, if you want to train. COOPER I thought we were... SLY We're wrestling each other. It'd be unfair to train together, then wrestle. COOPER Alright fine...but speaking of matches, you've got one next. SLY Indeed, I do. No disqualification, no idea who the guy is...but I'm ready to fight! Sly walks off-screen, as Cooper looks on with a smile on his face... ****************************** We come back from break to the sounds of "Orange Crush" by R.E.M....and Sly Sommers is heading to the ring, wearing a crimson and grey In Crowd varsity jacket along with his usual ring gear... *DING DING* BUFFER The following is a No-Disqualification bout set for one fall...if Sly Sommers loses, then James Cone gets to change one stipulation in the Devil's Playground match! Introducing first, from Scranton, Pennsylvania and weighing in at 205 pounds...he is a member of the In Crowd...SLLLLLLYYYYY SOOOOMMMMEEEERS! The crowd cheers as Sly enters the ring, then poses for his adoring public...but all of a sudden, his music is replaced by "The Pretender" by the Foo Fighters. James Cone comes out and has a microphone... PHOENIX (talking over the boos of the crowd) Excuse me! Sly...we made a deal last week. I get you an opponent, you wrestle the opponent no-DQ, and if you lose, I get to remove something from the Devil's Playground. I searched high and low, all across the world to get you someone big and bad...the tallest, the heaviest, the toughest, the roughest...and none of them were good enough. I'm smarter than everyone here...I couldn't do it. I couldn't just go and get some badass because you would expect it. I'm taking you out of your gameplan. Without further ado, meet your opponent for this evening! Out comes...a GIRL SCOUT?!?!? COLE What on God's Green Earth... Sly's jaw drops and he looks at the referee and mouths "Is this legal?" PHOENIX Here she is...(leans down) What's your name? GIRL My name's Mindy! PHOENIX Mindy, how old are you? MINDY I'm EIGHT YEARS OLD! PHOENIX You hear that, Sly? (Stands back up) Eight whole years old! Sly Sommers, tonight...are you man enough to beat up this eight-year-old girl! The crowd boos Phoenix, as he sends the little girl to the ring. The little girl skips to the ring with a big smile on her face as she carries her cookies in a box, then is helped into the ring by the referee. COACH This is the weirdest thing ever. Sly Sommers has to fight a little girl in a No-DQ match. *BELL RINGS* Sly bends down to her eye level. The camera gets in close to hear what he's in saying... SLY I won't fight you. I don't know what the mean man on the top of the ramp paid you to do this, but let's just go backstage and I'll get you autographs, does that sound good? MINDY Okay! Hey mister, do you want one of my cookies? SLY Don't mind if I... Sly opens the box and a flame shoots out, hitting him right in the face! He goes down, holding his eye, and Mindy jumps on him for the cover... ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Your winner...um...MINDY? PHOENIX Bro, bro...that was awesome! Feelin' the heat? *cackles* (Referees and officials rush past Phoenix, holding wet towels to put on Sly's face) Dude, I'm going to have so much fun watching the replay. (Phoenix slides in the ring, hands Mindy money) Thanks, sweetie. Go on, run to the back...I got some of my friends to pay for some of those delicious cookies too! *giggles to himself as Mindy runs off* Bro, I come out on top yet again. Because of that...HOT little number, I get to remove one of the stipulations from that silly Devil's Playground match we're having at Angleslam. Personally, I don't like glass...so let's get rid of that whole deal with the lighttubes in the trash can hanging from the ceiling of the cell. Capice? *giggles to himself as the referees ask him to leave* COLE You heard it here...because Phoenix stooped to the low of having a CHILD enter the ring and possibly permanently injury Sly Sommers with a fireball, the trash can filled with lighttubes will not be hanging from the ceiling of the cell at the Devil's Playground match during Angleslam! COACH At this point...who knows if Sly'll be cleared to wrestle? COLE Indeed...more HD in three! ANGLESLAM DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND MATCH SLY SOMMERS VS PHOENIX AUGUST 31st IN THE MAINEVENT THE IN CROWD'S ZACK MALIBU VS LA CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL'S NATHANIEL BLACK: A THIRD TIME WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY AND LUMBERJACKS THE ENTERPRISE THE MAINEVENT BUT NEXT ON THIS EPISODE OF THE DUNCAN GIRLS JADE LEARNS THE DUNCAN WAY AND TERRY LEARNS HE'S A GREAT SOURCE OF BREAST MILK NEXT COMMERCIAL

We zoom through Fayetteville Street, the main north-south throughfare in Downtown Raleigh as Paul Van Dyk's soulful, anthemic trance tune Let Go plays. We then return to the arena to hear a much different type of music, COMP-Ton! COMP-Ton! COMP-Ton..." CUE: "Real Mothaphuckkin G's" by Eazy-E -The fans erupt and rise to their feet, just as the curtain flies open. BUFFER "THE NEXT MATCH! Is scheduled for one-fall! Entering first...from Compton, California! He weighs in at One Hundred Ninety Seven pounds...he is one half of COMPTON PD!! HE IS "CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH MONEEEEEEEEEY" CUUUUUUUURTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS...BLAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! -Curtis walks out slowly, a bulletproof vest strapped to his chest, and his baggy ass Levi's hanging well low, playa. COLE And here comes "Cash Money" Curtis Black, Coach! This match was set up at...well, I guess you could say at the request of Colin Maguire! Maguire said he wanted his son to start facing other people, and our President gave him a match against Curtis Black! COACH If you ask me, that was a dumb, DUMB move on Josie's part. Does she have any idea who she's up against? Does she have any idea of what this man is capable of? She's just going to see her boy get decimated at the hands of an overall better wrestler. I don't know what she's trying to prove. -Black slowly slides into the ring, raising his hands into "WESTSIDE!~!" as his music fades out... CUE: "The Rocky Road to Dublin" by The Young Dubliners -The cheers for Cash Money immediately turn to boos as the curtain flies open, revealing none other than CMJ, Colin Maguire Jr. His black track suit is replaced with a hunter green one this week. He bounces side to side a little on the stage before making his slow walk down to the ring. BUFFER "AND HIS OPPONENT! From Boston, Massachusetts...weighing in at Two Hundred and Fifteen Pounds...he is the "Irish Golden Boy"....C-M-J...COLIN...MAAAGUUIIIIIIIIIIRRRREEEEE....JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNIOOOORRRRRRR!!!" -CMJ slowly slides into the ring...AND CURTIS BLACK POUNCES! Curtis' size 10 Air Jordans connect to CMJ's head and shoulders... DING DING DING! ...and the match is officially under way! Curtis continues to stomp the shit out of CMJ, who struggles to even get to his hands and knees. Curtis suddenly stops the onslaught and grabs CMJ by the head, lifting him to a standing position. Curtis whips Junior into the opposite ropes. CMJ rebounds, but ducks under the clothesline attempt! Junior once again rebounds, but holds on to the ropes, narrowly escaping the dropkick attempt by Curtis Black. Curtis hits the mat hard, but quickly stands...WHAM!! Curtis Black gets laid out by a vicious clothesline!! COLE That nearly took Cash Money's head clean off!! -Curtis holds the back of his neck as CMJ slowly unzips his track suit jacket, before wrapping it around Curtis' neck! The ref's angered yells go unanswered by CMJ, who continues to choke the life out of the young gangsta. The ref begins his count... 1 2 3 4 And CMJ lets go. The fans begin to boo as CMJ throws his jacket out of the ring as Curtis violently coughs. CMJ smirks as he slowly stalks around his opponent, who is now on his knees. CMJ lines Curtis up before running forward...WHAM! The fans erupt as Curtis Black takes CMJ down with a out-of-nowhere spear! The cheers grow even louder as Curtis mounts CMJ and begins raining lightning fast rights to his face. COLE It looks like Curtis Black has the upper hand!! -The cheers almost immediately turn to boos, however, as the curtain opens once again. Now standing at the top of the ramp is Colin Maguire, Sr., Patrick Callahan, Mickey Gillpatrick, and Evelyn Maguire. Evelyn's face says it all. She looks like she REALLY doesn't want to be there. COLE What the hell are they doing out here?! COACH They're showing support for their Golden Boy! What's wrong with that? COLE They have no business being out here! This is Colin Junior's match! Not the IRA's! -Meanwhile, Curtis Black just finishes his punching barrage, and he stands quickly. He turns towards the entrance way and stops, though, noticing that the IRA is in a place they weren't when he last looked. Curtis smirks as he puffs out his chest and opens his arms, smiling smugly at his opponents family. "Come on, playa...I'm right here, mofucka..." Curtis exclaims, not noticing that CMJ is now standing. CMJ shakes his head, clearing the cobwebs loose, before noticing his opportunity. He rushes forward and leaps at an angle, grabbing hold of Curtis' head...CRASH!! COLE D-STREET CUTTER!! DAMMIT! NO! NOT THIS WAY!! -CMJ looks up at the stage and smiles, his father giving an approving smile back. Maguire motions for Gillpatrick. Gilly leans in as Maguire whispers something to him. Gilly nods as Maguire looks back at his son, then raises his hand, thumb out horizontally. The fans boos grow louder as Maguire drops his thumb into the thumbs down. CMJ nods and stands, turning to the ref. He looks him dead in the eye...before lightly slapping him. The ref stands astonished, before turning towards the bell keepers table, making a "ring the bell" motion with his hand. DING DING DING!! BUFFER "YOUR WINNER...by DISQUALIFICATION..."CASH MONEY" CURTIS BLACK!" -CRASH!! The boos are deafening as the ref convulses on the mat, courtesy of a D-Street Cutter. CMJ stands slowly as Mickey Gillpatrick makes his way down to the ring, cracking his knuckles and neck. COLE This isn't right! This is messed up!! -Mickey slowly climbs into the ring and takes off his leather jacket, laying it gently across the top rope. He looks to CMJ, who tells Gilly to pick Curtis Black up. Mickey nods and grabs Curtis by the head, picking him up slowly. CMJ yells something inaudible, causing Mickey, once again, to nod. Mickey suddenly positions Curtis into the beginnings of a powerbomb... COLE Oh God no...could we see a Banbridge Bomb?! -Mickey looks out at the swarm of booing fans...then lifts Curtis high into the air!! COLE NO! COACH YES!! KOOL-AID MAN/RANDY SAVAGE OH YEEEAAAH! -Just as Mickey powerbombs Curtis, CMJ runs forward, grabbing Curtis' head...CRASH!!! A BANBRIDGE BOMB/D-STREET CUTTER COMBO!! Back on the stage, Maguire and Callahan applaud, while Evelyn holds her shaking head in shame. Maguire suddenly grabs her by the arm, leading her as they all walk down to the ring. COLE Colin Maguire has made his point! They need to leave this poor kid alone! COACH Poor kid?! He ASKED for this match, Cole! HE was the one that wanted to face CMJ! If you ask me, Curtis Black is getting EXACTLY what he deserves! -Callahan hops up onto the ring apron and sits on the second rope, lowering it for the approaching Colin Maguire, Sr. Maguire slowly walks up the steps, his eyes never leaving Curtis Black's convulsing body. Maguire slowly steps into the ring, unbuttoning his jacket. Callahan and Evelyn enter the ring right behind him. Gillpatrick hands Maguire a microphone. The boos are monumental as Maguire smirks, slowly raising the mic to his lips. MAGUIRE "...Ya see, Mr. Black...I have absolutely NO sympathy for you...YOU asked for this. YOUR friend and boss, Josie...she MADE this happen. You have no-one to blame here but yourself...just like little miss Sophie a week back." COLE Are you kidding me?! Sophie did absolutely NOTHING to warrant that attack! MAGUIRE "What you and that petite chienne have in common is something that I don't blame ya for...sadly, it happens all the time. What you two BOTH did was you didn't fucking listen to me...I told her to let me talk to Josie, she has a permanent scar on her neck...YOU had to step up and talk big to my son, and look at yourself...So let this be a lesson to you, Josie, your little boyfriend, and ESPECIALLY Pepe Le Pieu back there...RE. SPECT. ME." -Maguire slowly removes his jacket and hands it to his son before rolling up his sleeves. Once again, he puts the mic to his lips. MAGUIRE "...And now...I'm going to show you how a TRUE gangster handles business..." -The boos are monstrous as Maguire throws down the mic, just as Gilly and Callahan lift Curtis to a standing position. Maguire suddenly springs forward, grabbing ahold of Curtis' left arm, crossing it across his throat. Maguire suddenly spins, throwing Curtis to the mat. A picture perfect Boston Strangler has been locked in!! COLE NO! He's already having enough trouble breathing as it is! They're trying to kill Curtis Black!! -Curtis, not knowing what else to do, taps out, trying his absolute hardest to get Maguire to let go of the submission... CUE: "Rockers to Swallow" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs!!! -The fans erupt in cheers as Maguire smiles wide. "IT'S ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME!" he yells as he releases the hold, standing quickly. Gillpatrick remains stoic, Callahan smiles wide, rolling up his sleeves, CMJ looks furious, yelling towards the entrance, and Evelyn's eyes go wide as she shakes her head slowly. The curtain flies open, revealing none other than the OAOAST Intercontinental Champion, JEREME GREY!!, clutching at a wooden baseball bat. His eyes are filled with rage as he breaths heavily, never breaking his glare at the people in the ring. All of a sudden, Sophie comes rushing out, grabbing Jereme by the arm, pleading with him not to do anything. Her pleas go unanswered as Jereme continues his glare...before pushing Sophie aside, rushing towards the ring!!!! COLE IT'S GONNA BE CHAOS!!~ -Just before the ring, Jereme hurls his bat towards the four men inside, causing them all to cover up, giving Jereme just enough time to slide into the ring unattacked. As soon as he hits the ring he stands, rushing forward a bit, tackling.... COLIN MAGUIRE, SR.!! The fans erupt as Jereme drives his fists into the face of Maguire, who tries his best to cover up!! COLE SOME REDEMPTION FOR HIS SISTER!!! -Just as Cole says this, the rest of the IRA drag him off...BUT JEREME FIGHTS BACK!! The fans erupt as Jereme grabs the bat and swings wildly, hitting Callahan in the ribs. CMJ quickly tackles Jereme, but Jereme slams the top of the bat into CMJ's head!! The fans erupt as Jereme stands...and runs right into Mickey Gillpatrick. Jereme lifts the bat, egging Mickey on...AND THE CHEERS GROW LOUDER!! 9-Mill is in the sea of fans! He quickly hops the guard rail and slides into the ring, right behind Gillpatrick! Jereme quickly tosses the bat over Gilly's head to 9-Mill, just as Maguire stands...WHAM!! Mickey gets laid out with a bat shot to his back!! Just as Mickey falls, Jereme leaps towards Maguire. Jereme grabs his arm and jumps, wrapping his legs around Maguire's neck...TRIPOD!!! COLE TRIPOD!! THE TRIPOD!! THE TRIPOD HAS BEEN LOCKED IN!! COACH NO! HE'S A SIXTY YEAR OLD MAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE!! -Jereme drags Maguire to the mat with him as 9-Mill continues to deliver bat shots to Callahan. CMJ slowly slides out of the ring and hops the guard rail, making his way through the sea of fans. Just as he does this, Sophie slides into the ring, a wide smile plastered on her face. Sophie drops down face to face with Maguire. SOPHIE "Qui a le type dur maintenant, vous foutu dipshit irlandais stupide? Va te faire foutre et baisez votre mère, vous pomme de terre mangeant le clown d'âne!" COLE SOME RETRIBUTION FOR THE GREY FAMILY!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE STUFF!! COACH THIS IS HORRIBLE, MICHAEL!! D-DO SOMETHING!! COLE ...ME?! COACH SOMEONE!! -After a short while, Jereme breaks the hold and stands, helping 9-Mill lift Curtis to his feet. The members of Affirmative Action quickly slide out of the ring and head up the ramp...and they are followed by Evelyn Maguire!! She runs after Jereme and grabs his arm, then slides her hand into his! The fans erupt as Jereme leads Evelyn up the ramp. COLE WHOA! Are Evelyn Maguire and Jereme Grey...Do you think?! COACH ...COLIN MAGUIRE JUST GOT THE LIFE CHOKED OUT OF HIM!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT JEREME AND EVELYN!! -9-Mill and Sophie continue carrying Curtis through the entrance, but Jereme and Evelyn stop, looking back at the ring. Maguire slowly raises to a knee, coughing violently, before looking out at the stage. Jereme smirks...JUST BEFORE LAYING A HUGE KISS ON EVELYN MAGUIRE'S LIPS!! The fans erupt as Maguire, Sr.'s eyes go wide as he watches his daughter kiss his sons biggest rival. The two break the kiss as Jereme puts his arm around Evelyn's shoulders. The two walk backwards towards the curtain, smiles plastered on their faces. COLE JEREME AND EVELYN ARE AN ITEM!! JEREME IS IN BED WITH HIS TITLE MATCHES SPECIAL REF!! HOW CAN CMJ GET THE WIN NOW?! FANS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!! LATER TONIGHT MONEY IN THE BANK SEMIFINAL MATCH KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS LEON RODEZ TONIGHT

The North Carolina State Capitol building, built in 1888 welcomes us back to HeldDOWN, with the rhythmic bouncing beats of Sophie Ellis Bextor's playing in the background COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Raleigh, North Carolina for OAOAST HeldDOWN! We are just a few weeks out of our Summer Smash hit, Angleslam! And this card promises to be even better than the year's before it! But first we have to make it through HeldDOWN and we've got some huge matches on store tonight! We're transported backstage where a somewhat visibly stressed out Josie sits behind her desk. Joining her are Nathaniel Black, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix and Theodore Moneymaker stands behind her as a pillar of support. JOSIE Tonight there will be a match between Nathaniel Black and Zack Malibu- MADDIX Did you just bring us in here to tell us what we've known for a week? JOSIE No... MADDIX Because I knew that match was taking place for a week. I keep abreast of situations here. I have OAOAST Mobile alerts sent directly to my cellphone. And if the rest of these people don't take advantage of the communication advancements offered, I don't see why I have to suffer when I could be enjoying playing Frogger on said cellphone. JOSIE Will you just- MONEYMAKER Please, allow the good lady to speak, Mister Maddix. And let us all be thankful we're with a General Manager who sees fit to speak with her talent as opposed to the old one with his his draconian manner of authority that divided a lockeroom and nearly destroyed this company. JOSIE Thank you, Theodore, I appreciate... ZACK Nearly destroyed this company? Anglesault? MONEYMAKER I seem to remember him soliciting a prostitute and attacking three in uniform police officers on camera. Yes? ZACK Pal, you got one hell of a faulty memory. No one, but no one, had any sort of problem with 'Sault until you realized your money wasn't going to get you anywhere with him and you'd actually have to work your way to the top like everyone else. And you got a stick up your ass, and went completely insane in trying to get the namesake of this company that generously employees you and your sycophant goons out of here. You divided the locker room, and if there's anyone who helped damaged the OAOAST its you and only you. While Moneymaker takes offense to this comment, Landon actually finds it quite hilarious. MADDIX Now you want to rush to Anglesault's defense? ZACK What does that mean? MADDIX It means, Moneymaker was out campaigning for Anglesault's removal for about three whole months! If memory serves me right these weren't small quick skits either, these were huge “Anglesault is either a terrorist, a bestiality fanatic, or a frequenter of hookers and if he doesn't quit I'm telling!” press conferences. And when he's long gone, somewhere out ankle locking hobos for quarters at a biker bar in hicksville USA, now you want to come to his rescue. You might have been a bit more useful before Boxcar Joe rock bottomed him out the Bum Fight circuit. Black is fed up with the bickering and clinches his fist in anger. BLACK (to Josie) Why dontcha just tell us what you've called us in here fer? JOSIE I would very much like to. Thank you. Zack, Nate, you two have put on some of the most amazing matches I've seen all year. All decade maybe, you've blown my mind, you've blown the fans' mind, and you've shown what great wrestling is about. MADDIX Thank you, thank you! Everyone merely shakes their head at Maddix's insane and sadly genuine acceptance of the credit. JOSIE And tonight you get your chance to write your own ticket to immortality with a third match of the year candidate. But there is a problem. Things are breaking down around here. You all are forming into tight little cliques with opposing agendas and none of you are very shy about resorting to violence. MONEYMAKER The Enterprise merely seeks to protect the integrity and dignity of this time honored OAOAST brand. ZACK Bull! JOSIE (ignoring Zack) And you have my thanks, Theodore. You have the entire company's thanks. The other stables, present much more of problem to me. Especially this reformed In Crowd. Zack can't help but roll his eyes at Josie's insult. ZACK What a surprise. JOSIE It is a surprise, Zack. That instead of coming to me and trying to work out any issues you have with the direction of this company, you decide to get militant and form some kind of rebel clique. ZACK Rebel clique? Militant? You're doing a great job of feeding her lines Moneymaker, you gotta teach me your ventriloquist act some time. The In Crowd is the group that's here to protect the OAOAST against the likes of you three. Nothing more, nothing less. MADDIX Yeah, yeah say whatever you want Zack. You've got an ex pornstar in your stable, another guy who just invented a match specifically designed to kill his opponent, and another one who's just a supersized cold blooded killer, you're a regular habitat for humanity! JOSIE I don't care what you think The In Crowd is, Zack, I know its a menace, and for the mainevent I will have every last member banned from the arena! MADDIX I knew I liked you for a reason! JOSIE But to be fair, I'll also have to ban La Cucaracha Internacional from the arena as well. MADDIX I knew I hated you for a reason! Bah, come on Nate, we're not doing this. Let's go. Maddix tugs on Black's arm but the young Brit remains in place, which stuns his Spanish boss. MADDIX I said... BLACK I ain't leavin'. That's the way it should be, one on one, man to man. ZACK Couldn't agree more. But, I am wondering one thing, why is Moneymaker here besides to slip a few more twenties into your pocket? JOSIE He's here to help me select the special guest referee. I couldn't trust one of the biggest matches of the year and a no doubt match of the year candidate to just any regular official. I needed someone with strength, wisdom, guidance and character, and nobody embodies those more than Theodore. Landon looks at Moneymaker with a raised eyebrow. MADDIX So, you're the guest ref? That's it? You? MONEYMAKER On the contrary, friend. I may be the embodiment of wisdom, guidance, character, and strength but I would never have reached those levels without my spiritual adviser, Abdullah Abir Nerdly. So has he steered me on the right course to salvation, so shall he steer this match to excellence. I trust him with my life, and so I will trust him with the both of your's. He will be the guest referee tonight. MADDIX Oh brother! I admire a man of the cloth as much as anyone who rarely goes to church and only celebrates Christmas to get cool crap, but I don't know if I can trust Moneymaker's personal spirit guide with one of my prized guys. BLACK (quietly) Yer gonna have to. Maddix shoots Landon a frustrated glare before speaking. MADDIX In case anyone forgot, me and Teddy, we don't like each other all that much. Well, he's a snappy dresser though, and a damn handsome man, I must give him that. MONEYMAKER Landon, Landon, be calm, my good man. I know you and I have had our differences of opinion lately, but I selected Abdullah because of his unbiased nature and strict adherence to the code of honor in the OAOAST. He will not fail any of us. Black shrugs his shoulders with indifference as he's merely eager to get inside the ring not play backstage politics. Zack, however, is not so easily silenced by his desires to have a good match. ZACK I don't like this. Not one bit. JOSIE Then you're going to hate this. To make certain my edict is followed to the letter, to the absolute letter, The Enterprise will be serving as lumberjacks for tonight's contest. ZACK I really don't like this. JOSIE I don't care. Dismissed. Maddix and Black shuffle out, with Maddix having been won over and Black just being eager to wrestle. Zack however is a little slower in leaving, keeping a nasty glare affixed on both Josie and Moneymaker. We fade into the arena where James Brown's Living In America has just begun to play Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this! Super highways, coast to coast, easy to get anywhere On the transcontinental overload, just slide behind the wheel How does it feel COLE How about the news we just heard? Abdullah Abir Nerdly will be the special guest referee for Nathaniel Black's match against The In Crowd's leader Zack Malibu? And The Enterprise will be the lumberjacks? Who's in charge around here Josie or Moneymaker? COACH When ya got a player of as much talent as Moneymaker, you let him help with personnel decisions. They do it with Brady, Manning, Favre, they did it with Ripken, Clemens, all the greats! Trust to Mister Moneymaker. Trust him! The crowd offers a decent round of applause to the image of the American flag and historic American monuments on the video screen, and the red white and blue spotlights that travel across the entire arena. The All American Boys, outfitted in flag patterned long tights, step out onto the entrance stage and offer a hearty salute to their fellow countrymen. Showing that the OAOAST spares no expense on any member of its 100 person roster, red white and blue pyro rockets burst into the air as red sparklers flare off the edges off the entrance stage. COLE The All American Boys set for action here on HeldDOWN~! We've seen them tussle with the often times controversial Compton PD on Syndicated. But with what happened to Sophie and Molly last week, and the constant fighting politics between the stables, The AAB's requested to have a match on HeldDOWN to give the fans some much needed class and taste of American spirit! Personally, I can't wait! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making their way to the ring, from The Hearts and Souls of America's People, Liberty and Freedom the ALL AMERICAN BOYSSSSS! Like any good babyface on this show not named Krista, The AAB's slap hands with the youth of America and remind them to stay in school and encourage their parents to vote. Wonderful messages both. Wonderful messages that are interrupted when Brickston steamrolls Liberty with an ambushing lariat! “BOOOOOOO!” COLE Brickston! Brickston again! Who can stop this animal? Freedom turns around to defend his partner and tags Brickston with several jabs. The blows have little affect, however, and the big man latches onto his victim's waste and drives him across the ramp. Only the guardrail ends Brickston's trip, and as Freedom crashes into it he lets out a loud scream! COLE Oh, he could've broken his back! “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” the audience sings, trying to rally the AAB's. The chanting of the initials of the GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH~! rouse Liberty and he takes the fight to Brickston. But like his partner he's illequipped to handle the hulking brawler, and his offense is snuffed out by a simple boot to the gut. With Liberty out by a single kick, Brickston lifts him up and emits a thundering war cry. Then he drops him directly onto the steel ramp with the Killswitch! COACH Ha! PRL's fault, Cole, why does PRL hate America? Why did he let this happen to good patriots? COLE I don't know what to say. I just don't. This entire place is going to hell in a handbasket! As the audience throws out insults and boos, their target stands above the fallen AAB's roaring into the night. COMMERCIAL