Patty O'Green

sho thang, b! also in MITB second round action: Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Cuban Wall.

I gotta say the BAS looks pretty loaded. That's a lot of stuff going on.

MAINEVENT

Josh Matthews is standing outside the Deadly Alliance locker room with Alfdogg, Reject, and Sandman9000. ALF I hope Family Matters isn't on tonight... JOSH ...oh, um, hi! I'm Josh Matthews here with Deadly Alliance members Reject, Sandman9000, and Alfdogg, who earlier tonight defeated Baron Windels to advance to the quarterfinals of the Money In the Bank tournament, where he will meet the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth. ALF You can feel it in the air, Josh...this is the summer of the Deadly Alliance. Two men in the quarterfinals, myself and Reject. Sandman, the Heartland champ 10 months and running. We've got the tag team champions. The Deadly Alliance is the most powerful organization in wrestling. While those other two Flavor-of-the-Month stables are out there playing My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad...while they're out there talking about it...we're out there being about it. JOSH Well, speaking of your stable, you heard the announcement earlier, you'll be in action as a unit at the Big Apple Spectacular, and your opponents will be D*LUX, along with your opponents in the MITB tournament, Bohemoth and Leon Rodez. ALF That's right, and we all know that New York City is a Deadly Alliance Town, Josh. And we're going to give our adoring fans there a preview of our Money in the Bank matches, right in the middle of Central Park. As far as Bohemoth goes, he may look big and strong and scary when he's in there with Cowboy Dick, but Bo, you're taking a step up in the ranks stepping in the ring with me. I've licked men bigger, stronger, and scarier than you many times...not literally, that would be gross. But you know what I mean. JOSH And Reject, your issues with Leon Rodez have been well documented. REJECT ...oh man, I'm sorry, Josh. I've got all these texts from Maggie to go through, I just can't keep my concentration! She can't get enough of the R-Man, but that pretty boy Rodez is gonna get plenty of me over the next two weeks. And after I'm done with you, Leon, maybe Sandman lend you some of his bandanas to cover up YOUR face. JOSH Well, the Deadly Alliance has two members still remaining in the tournament, but lost one last week, as Thunderkid was eliminated by Krista Isadora Duncan...say, by the way, where is Thunderkid? REJECT Oh, he's in the shower, washing all the DANDRUFF OUT OF HIS HAIR. THUNDERKID (from shower) Fuck off! ALF MOM DOESN'T LIKE DANDRUFF! Alf and Reject share a laugh, as Tony Tourettes walks into the picture and begins laughing loudly, as well, despite not knowing what's going on. Alf and Reject give him a weird stare. After a few seconds, Tony stops laughing and looks at Josh. TONY They got any beer back here? Vinny Valentine walks onto the set. VINNY There you are, Tony, I've been looking for you, where have you been? TONY I've been taking a HAIRY PISS! Alf looks at Sandman and mouths "hairy piss?" VINNY Come on back, I got us some of those sour gummy worms! TONY HOLY SHIT! Tony takes off in a dash towards the locker room, tripping and falling halfway there. JOSH ...gummy worms? Josh then takes off after Tony and Vinny. The camera cuts back to the Deadly Alliance, as Reject takes step towards the direction of the gummy worms. ALF (grabbing Reject's sleeve) Get back here. Thunderkid emerges from the locker room, at which point Reject immediately begins inspecting his hair. TK knocks his arm away, cracking a grin against his own will. TK Get the fuck off me! Reject doubles over in laughter, as the Deadly Alliance walks off and we fade out... -Fade in to an office. Not much to it, it's just an office. What gets the fans going, however, is WHO is in the office. It is none other than the woman who runs the place... JOSIE BAKER!! (image link: http://www.myclassiclyrics.com/artist_biog...iography_3.jpg) She is, as always, flanked by a lit cigarette to her left, and (http://www.dirtyrottenwhore.com/wp-content/uploads/pornstars/sasha_grey/thumbs/sasha_grey_interview2.jpg) Sophie Grey to her right. This time, Josie is on the phone. JOSIE ...No...no...Jesus Christ, how many times MUST I say this? The Money In The Bank tournament will go as planned, and we are not going to substitute one of the guys for you...No...I can TELL you're upse-... -Josie shakes her head as she drops the phone to her shoulder, staring off with a frustrated look on her face. After a moment, she lifts the phone back to her ear and listens. JOSIE ...I couldn't care less that you're "The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST"...why would THAT, of all things, change my mind on this?...Look, you need to calm do-... -Once again, Josie lowers the phone, this time looking at Sophie. Sophie outstretches her hand. SOPHIE Vous m'aiment prendre soin de ceci? JOSIE Please do, Sophie, thank you... -Josie hands the phone to Sophie, who clears her throat. SOPHIE ...Bonjour?... Ce qui?! Motherfucker, vous me parlez comme cela, et je vous montrerai à quel point dur foutu le Français peut être!...Vous ne pouvez pas me comprendre?! C'est parce que vous êtes une petite chienne whiny ignorante! "Waaah d'Oh! CWM m'était moyen!" Accroissez une paire de boules, vous peu de merde! -Sophie wanders off, carrying the phone with her. Josie sits there in awe as her assistant handles the situation. Just then, a knock at the door. JOSIE Yeah, Come in! -The door opens, revealing... (http://www.nydailynews.com/img/2007/12/09/amd_nicholson.jpg) JOSIE Ah! Mr. Maguire! Glad you could come on such short notice. Please sit. MAGUIRE I hope I wasn' int'ruptin' ya, Mrs. Baker. I heard some yellin' while I was outside. JOSIE Just my assistant taking care of something for me. How're your kids? MAGUIRE Ah, yer a dawl fer askin'. They're doing just fine, thanks. They're actually just outside. JOSIE Are they? I'd love to see them! MAGUIRE Wouldja? All right, then. -MAGUIRE turns around towards the door. MAGUIRE JUNIOR! EVELYN! COME IN 'ERE! -The door opens once again, revealing (http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00449/Frank_Lampard_449106a.jpg) Colin Maguire, Jr., and... (http://www.aolcdn.com/red_galleries/keira-knightley-400a082107.jpg) Evelyn Maguire. MAGUIRE Kids, you remember Josie Baker? Ken's wife? -Colin takes off his jacket and sits in a nearby chair as his dad says this. MAGUIRE Christ, Junior... COLIN What? MAGUIRE ...Your shirt? -Colin looks at his shirt, then at Josie, then back to his dad. COLIN What about it? MAGUIRE ...You're Irish...at least root for a fuckin' Irish team, fer God's sake... -Evelyn glances at Colin and smirks as she leans against the wall, before turning her attention to Josie. EVELYN How are ya, love? JOSIE Oh, I'm fine, thanks. And you? EVELYN Eh...I could be bettah. Dad 'ere is making my love life go down the shittah cos he hates all my boyfriends. -Maguire looks at Josie and makes a "see what I have to deal with?" hand motion. MAGUIRE And people wonder why I have gray hairs. -Josie smiles and leans forward, presenting a pack of cigarettes to Mr. Maguire. He politely declines. Josie then offers to Colin and Evelyn, who nod. Evelyn takes one and grabs a match. Colin reaches in, but his hand is slapped away by Maguire. MAGUIRE Now, Mrs. Baker...I'd love to talk business. -Josie lights her cigarette and leans back. JOSIE And business is what we shall discuss, Mr. Maguire. To get straight to the point, because I hate bullshit, I want Evelyn, Colin, and whoever else you might have to be a part of the OAOAST. -Maguire smiles wide as Evelyn raises her eyebrows. Colin smiles a wide grin. JOSIE Of course, they won't IMMEDIATELY be getting OAOAST Title shots any time soon, but due to your friendship with my husband, I will give one of them something pretty big. Who that is, is up to you. -Maguire looks at his kids. Evelyn shrugs when her dad looks at her, but Colin...Colin is staring at his father, his eyes begging for the match. Maguire then looks back to Josie. MAGUIRE ...Take a wild guess, Mrs. Baker... JOSIE ...Evelyn? COLIN Pop! C'mon! MAGUIRE Fine! Colin gets the match, Josie. JOSIE Colin...who do you want to face? -Colin smirks. COLIN ...Tha Puerto Rican. -The crowd erupts at the mention of their World Champion. Josie chuckles slightly. JOSIE Heh...no...No, you're not getting that. COLIN What?! Why not? JOSIE It's your first match in the OAOAST, and you're expecting to get a match against the Heavyweight Champion? No. You're not getting that. COLIN Then who the fuck do I get, huh? You say I can get a high profile match, so what is it, huh?! -Colin stands from his seat, and makes a move towards Josie's desk, but Maguire stands and stops him. MAGUIRE Listen, boyo, be fuckin' glad yer gettin' anyt'ing, all right? Just calm yerself. -Colin sits slowly, staring at Josie. Maguire remains standing, looking at the OAOAST President. MAGUIRE ...So? What are ya gonna give my boy? -Josie smirks, then leans in towards the intercom system. She presses the button. JOSIE Jereme? Come on in. -A few moments later, in walks the NEW SJPW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION (http://www.tumyeto.com/images/riders/Austin-S.jpg) Jereme Grey! Colin stands quickly and stares at Jereme, who looks around the room, before his eyes rest on Evelyn, who looks right back. The two share a smile for a moment, their eyes never leaving each others. JOSIE Jereme? -Jereme snaps back to the moment and fixes his eyes on his cousin Josie. JOSIE You have a match, buddy. JEREME Fantastic. JOSIE ...at the Big Apple Spectacular. JEREME Meilleur encore, cousin du mien JOSIE ...for that. -Josie points at the SJPW Cruiserweight Title on Jereme's shoulder. Jereme looks down at it and smiles, then looks at Evelyn. His attention then switches to Colin, who looks prepared to fight right now. COLIN Oh, I can't fuckin' wait for this. JEREME ...I'm gonna be facing you, I imagine. -Colin moves in close. He is now face to face with the champion. COLIN I'm gonna take your title, frenchie. -Colin's comment angers Jereme a little, and he steps in a little closer. His smug smile is now replaced with a stern fighters stare. JOSIE If I may interject! -The two continue to stare at each other, but Maguire and Evelyn look to Josie. JOSIE Well, since you, Colin, are quite fond of using that "Boston Strangler" Anaconda Choke, and Jereme, you WON that title with your Triangle Choke...Why not make this a Submission's Only match? -The two remain silent, still staring at each other. Until... COLIN/JEREME Fine/Tres Bien -Josie smiles wide. JOSIE We got a match! -Maguire and Evelyn smile, as Colin storms out to the hallway. Jereme turns to Evelyn. JEREME ...So...are you gonna be going out to the ring with him? EVELYN I dunno...Maaaybe. JEREME Well...I hope so. I'll see ya out there, vous femme magnifique. -Jereme nods to Josie, before turning to Maguire and nodding to him. He walks out, smiling to Evelyn as he does so. She bites her bottom lip as she smiles. Maguire glances at her, then looks back to Josie and smiles a large smile. MAGUIRE ...You'll be hearing more from us, Mrs. Baker. JOSIE I sure hope so, Mr. Maguire. -Maguire and Evelyn walk out of the room as Josie leans back in her chair. JOSIE ...Well, this has been a productive day. -FADE OUT COACH Woah, another huge match for the Big Apple Spectacular...given away for free, shown on free television, and generating us absolutely no revenue. Hooray Big Apple Spectacular! FADE OUT

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Yo, shit, we need to be fuckin with Rhianna like that! Is disturbia a good opening song? It just might be, because the OAOAST is straight disturbing. The quest continues, but as it does Ultimate Victory keeps us strong. The logo dissolves into the image of Double C at sofa central. Coach reclining with a casual disinterest and Cole contrasting him by sitting on the edge of his seat in unrestrained excitement. COLE HeldDOWN is on the air! We're a week from our revolutionary free show in central park the Big Apple Spectacular! But that doesn't make tonight's show unspectacular, with both former Lonestar Gunslingers in money in the bank first round matches against former OAOAST world champion Alfdogg, and the metrosexual monster himself Bohemoth. Huge matches! Huge! Plus, Landon Maddix and Theodore Moneymaker's war of words escalates with both men picking a representative from their camp to do battle. COACH Word to the truth. Anything with Coach is bound to be hot! the car, the club, I roll into the mall and I get the stuffed animals at build a bear work shop to pop drop and lock it! COLE Riiiight. Well, folks we're kicking things off BIG with the Metrosexual Monster in action, as Bohemoth takes on...wait, what's he doing? The crowd noise grows from a loud murmur to a chorus of jeers, as NATHANIEL BLACK has come out from the back! Landon Maddix's fellow British charge rolls into the ring and approaches Michael Buffer, who was preparing to announce our next contest. Black calmly asks for the microphone, to whcih a confused Buffer obliges, and Black then waves him off, still displaying a bit of cockiness amidst his civility. BLACK ZACK MALIBU! ZACK MALIBU! ZACK, I NEED YOU OUT HERE! COLE Why is he shouting? COACH You never know, Zack might be blasting the latest from O-Town back there. COLE O-Town broke up a few years ago, Coach. COACH You WOULD know that. Black circles the ring, continuing to call Zack's name until finally he appears at the top of the aisle, staring up at his rival in the ring! Zack makes his way to ringside to a wave of applause, as Black nods his head, seemingly approving of Malibu's appearance. COLE These two men had a HELL of a match last week, which happened when Nathaniel Black felt he needed to prove that he's more than what we take him for in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu came out the victor in that contest, but like I said last week, Nathaniel Black deserves all the credit in the world for hanging in there with Zack and going toe to toe, taking all that he had and more before a Super Trendsetter finally put him away! Now in the ring, Zack approaches Black, and the two men lock eyes. Now that Zack's in the ring, he shrugs his shoulders, asking what Black wants, and that's when the international superstar begins to talk. BLACK First off, I just want to say, that I'm not out here to bait you, or lure you into a trap or anything. I'm out here on my own, because I have something to say to you. This has nothing to do with Cucaracha Internacional, or you and Landon, or anything else. I'm out here because of ME, and what I feel needs to be done, and that is for me to tell you...Thank You. COLE Thank you? COACH Don't look at me! Zack looks on, wondering where this is going, as is the confused crowd. BLACK Last week, I had challenged you to a match because I know what I'm capable of. I know, deep down, that I'm one of the best. No one confused me of being under confident, I know...but that's where you and I start to see similarities, Zack. You're the same way. You know what you can do and you come out here, night after night, proving to the world that YES, you ARE The Franchise of the OAOAST! You ARE one of the best in the world, and having been in the ring with you, I can't deny that. Now, the reason I feel the need to say thank you to you is a simple one...knowing that you're one of the best, knowing that you are our Franchise, I want to thank you for showing me that I am every bit as good as you! It's a mixed reaction, as some of the crowd boos, some of them cheer, and some of them simply gasp at the cockiness of Nathaniel Black! BLACK You brought out the best in me, Zack. I took everything you had last week, and at the same time I gave you a challenge that I can't say I've seen you have in a while. I brought you to your limits. Maybe, just maybe, I opened your eyes enough so that you saw some of yourself in me. Regardless of how you feel about me or whose employ I'm in, after last week there has been only one thing that I've wanted to do, and that is ask you for a rematch, next week, at the Big Apple Spectacular! The crowd roars, as Malibu nods his head, reacting as if it's a good idea. In fact, seconds later, Malibu takes Nathaniel Black by the wrist and pulls the mic towards him, uttering two simple words... MALIBU You're ON. The crowd roars again, as Black takes a step back and, in a rare show of sportsman ship, extends his hand to Zack Malibu! COLE Look at this! Nathaniel Black, offering his hand to Zack Malibu! COACH That's a bold move for Nate Black, because I'm pretty sure Landon Maddix isn't liking this! Malibu turns to the crowd, wondering what they think while debating on it himself. Zack looks at Black and then goes to shake his hand...but before he can he's waylaid from behind, as James Blonde hits the ring and nails him with a rabbit lariat, then starts stomping him down! COLE God damn it, we should have known, Coach! The crowds mixed, nearly positive reaction for Nathaniel Black turns to disdain rapidly, as now they see that it was a set up all along...or was it, as Nathaniel Black watches on momentarily before shoving James Blonde, getting him away from Zack Malibu! COLE Wait...did Nate Black just HELP Zack Malibu!? Blonde, never one to be pushed around, shoves back, asking Black what he's doing. Black has since dropped the mic, but he can be heard saying "I needed to do this, you have NO RIGHT..." amongst his choice words for his stablemate. Blonde looks at him and blows him off, and when he goes for Zack again, Black grabs his arm, stopping him! Blonde shoves Black again, and the two teammates look like their ready to throw down...and that's what they're going to have to do, as SLY SOMMERS has hit the ring! COACH Well, let's just get EVERYONE out here! The crowd roars as Sly slides in, nailing Blonde with a right hand as he turns around, and another one as he gets up from the blow! Sly turns around with fist cocked, ready to slug Black, but Black takes the high road, dropping to the mat and rolling out of the ring, rather than engage in battle! Blonde bails out of the ring too, for an entirely different reason, as Sly helps Zack to his feet to a big pop. COLE Whether it was another ruse by Landon Maddix's cronies, or a defining moment for Nathaniel Black that was ruined by his partner remains to be seen. Luckily for Zack, Sly Sommers was on the scene before it got worse. COACH Typical of Sly, kissing Malibu's BUTT as always. COLE Not for anything Coach, but with both Landon and Cucaracha Internacional running rampant, and The Enterprise trying to run EVERYTHING, it's nice to see some unity on the other side of the locker room for a change! Zack comes up, holding the back of his head. He leans over the ropes and stares out at Blonde, who curses the ground he walks on, while Nathaniel Black brushes past Blonde, never looking back at the ring as he heads back to the dressing room as we fade out. COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT MITB FIRST ROUND MATCH THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGER BARON WINDELLS VS ALFDOGG TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT[ (4 REAL!)/color] MITB FIRST ROUND MATCH MISTER DICK JOCK MULLIGAN VS THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER BOHEMOTH NEXT

We cut backstage, hearing nothing but shouting as we peer into the locker room of Cucaracha Internacional, where Nathaniel Black and James Blonde are having a rather loud war of words! Faqu stands behind Blonde, looking ready to eat Black should he so much as sneeze in Blonde's direction, but the shouting is ceased by a familiar voice shouting over the two of them. "STOP IT! STOP IT!" LANDON MADDIX comes into view, and positions himself between Blonde and Black, looking none too happy at the dissension. MADDIX Jesus H. Maddix, I have to deal with one insubordinate, but that's not enough? Now I have TWO? BLACK Look, I told you guys earlier, I wanted to go out there alone and... MADDIX I was TALKING ABOUT YOU. Black backs off, mouthing "What?" MADDIX You wanted to go out there and talk yourself up, that's fine. You wanted to get the word out that the world needs to watch Nathaniel Black. That's FINE. You want to go out there and play kissy face with Zack Malibu? Are you KIDDING ME, Nate? BLACK Listen, I appreciate what you do for me, but I'm my own man. I needed to do it for ME, not you, not him, and certainly not him. Pointing at Faqu, Black nearly has his finger bitten off by the Samoan beast. MADDIX Well, I'M the one who TOLD James to go out there and take the shot at Malibu. You should know by now, if we get him when he least expects it, ESPECIALLY when he thinks you're offering him respect, it'll throw him off his game plan. He's going to crumble soon, I know it. BLACK CRUMBLE? Hate to tell you boss, but Zack Malibu isn't about to crumble. If he didn't crumble when you were in the Wildcards, or last year when... MADDIX Save the history lesson, Nate. Sounds to me like you're pulling a Cortez on me? Black sighs, knowing that no one in the room is getting the point. BLACK Listen. To. Me. I am not looking to befriend Zack Malibu. I'm not looking to run in his crowd. I am out to do one thing, and that is prove my worth to you and to this company. You brought me here, as well as James and Faqu, because you see something in us, right? We weren't dubbed Internationally Known just because it sounds good, but because we've made our names elsewhere and are bringing our talents here to showcase. You've got the resume, Landon. You've been World Champion and everything else. Last week Zack Malibu brought out the fire in me, a fire that can burn much brighter than it has. I know that I'm as good as Zack Malibu. I KNOW I'm one of the world's best, and I NEED to prove that, but through competition, not through constant jumpings and beatdowns. I'm more than that. I'm more than just a lackey, or a cog in the bloody machine. If I wasn't one of the best, than what good would I be to you? Landon pauses to reflect on what Black has said to him, then counters. MADDIX You ARE one of the best. That's why you're here. That's why your amongst the elite in this room right now. You want to be the shining star here, then fine, you go out there and you decimate this roster one at a time if you need to. Just remember one thing...if you're going to prove yourself to Zack Malibu at the Big Apple Spectacular, try not to LOSE this time. Clear? Landon, in Black's face, stares at his embarrassed charge, who quietly remarks "clear". MADDIX Good. Now come on, we've got to get back out there. Maddix, Blonde, and Faqu walk out of view, while Black hesitates, then follows them out as we cut to commercial. COMMERCIAL MADDIX ....so then, the guy says "That's all well and good... but I said ping-pong balls, not King Kong's balls!" Hehe! We find the members of Cucaracha Internacional in the ring as we return to HeldDOWN~! and Landon finds that we're back via a cue from the floor amongst the silence of a dying joke. MADDIX Oh, hey, we're back! COLE And not a moment too soon. MADDIX Alright, let's get this show on the road already. Moneymaker, come on down and let's see who the true dominant force in the OAOAST really is... at least until next week when I prove it's Cucaracha Internacional, that is. "Sympathy For The Devil" beings to play and Theodore Moneymaker leads out his troops as requested. Interestingly, all the members of The Enterprise are clad in their wrestling attire, just as Cucaracha Internacional's members are, neither group wanting to give anything away. Moneymaker, in his white smoking jacket, smirks in his typical self-satisfaction with Christian Wright by his side, The Beverly Hills Blonds and Molly Nerdly behind him, then the new team of CPA and Bosley. Landon smirks right back in the same manner, backed by Black, Blonde and Faqu as well as Todd Cortez who could care less from the look on his face. COLE The OAOAST's very own faction pissing contest is set to heat up a touch, before the big Money In The Bank Tournament first round match between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright. That'll be next week, live in Central Park and we want to remind all our fans in the New York area, admission to the Big Apple Spectacular, absolutely free! I wonder what Mister Moneymaker would make of that marketing strategy. COACH Mister Moneymaker is one of the most generous men Ned Blanchard has ever described to me. I wouldn't be surprised if it was his suggestion in the first place! COLE I doubt that somehow. The Enterprise enter the ring, filling the ring with humanity and enough arrogance to populate France, or at least a considerable part of it. The two leaders manage to make sure their men keep the peace for now though, coming face to face across the battle line. MONEYMAKER Alright Landon, let's see what you've got shall we? MADDIX You're looking at what I've got. And truthfully, I'm much more content on this side of the ring than I would be on yours. I'm sure if a fight broke out right now, you guys would do better at documenting it on camera or through flowery poetry, but other than that I don't fancy your odds much. Maybe it's just the way the light is shining off of my guys' 6-Man Tag Team Titles and onto you, I don't know. Blonde demonstrates with his title, frustrating Simon Singleton who complains about the lens flare he's causing. MADDIX You know how it goes Moneymaker. A group is only as good as it's leader and this group behind me have one hell of a leader, if I do say so myself. If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to ask again when you're signing off on that $500,000 cheque with my name on it after AngleSlam. Or maybe when I cash in the contract that goes with it and win the OAOAST World Title again. Or if you can't wait that long, maybe we can make it next week once I send your sole Money In The Bank representative crashing out of the tournament? Taking a step forward, Wright looks ready to say something about that. Moneymaker holds out a hand and encourages his right hand man to settle down though. MADDIX Then again, why save till next week what can happen tonight? MONEYMAKER Is that so? MADDIX Fact is, I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion in two companies. That's credential, not potential. Face it, I'm head and shoulders above you and any of your cronies. I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. Infact, you can take it to the BANK! MONEYMAKER Well, I'm glad to hear you're feeling confident Landon. Because my choice to represent The Enterprise against you tonight... will be my personal director of security, CPA! BWAHAHAHA! The mammoth CPA enters the ring with a face like thunder and takes a step towards Landon that leaves him towering over La Cucaracha. Landon looks up at the 6'6" former pro-boxer, trying to hide the panic on his face as he takes some defensive steps backwards. MADDIX I'm... I'm sorry, there's... been a misunder... I mean, you didn't let me finish. Heh. See, as I was saying, I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. But, considering I'm supposed to be wrestling your number two next week I don't think it'd be right for me to compete tonight which is why I chose Todd Cortez to represent me tonight. So, yeah, good luck and all that. Not a moment too soon for his liking, Landon bails out of the ring and points Cortez into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE You've got to be kidding me! COACH What? I know Cortez is no great shakes, but... COLE There's no doubt in my mind that Landon was going to compete tonight until he realised he was going to end up fighting CPA! And at that point, he immediately fed Todd Cortez to the wolves! Or wolf, at least. You really think he'd have Cortez representing him under any other circumstances, after all he's done to put him down and demean him since War Games? COACH Well like I say, I know Cortez is no great shakes. But I'm sure Landon has a plan. COLE Yeah, a plan on how to save himself from a beating. Under the pressure of his Cucaracha Internacional team-mates, Cortez shakes his head disbelievingly at them all and enters the ring. Moneymaker smirks and pats his Director Of Security on the back before he leads the rest of his Enterprise out to ringside. COLE Well Cortez definately has no desires to stand up for Cucaracha Internacional, but he's also not one to back down from a fight. With seven of The Enterprise stood around one corner of the ring and five of Cucaracha Internacional around the opposite, referee Mike Chioda is well justified in going to each group and issuing specific warning that anyone interfering in the match will be thrown out. Once he's made that clear, he then checks over CPA and Cortez, who gets some unwanted coaching from Landon. *DINGDINGDING!* Despite being out-sized, Cortez squares up to CPA and words are exchanged before CPA cracks his fists together and the two start to circle. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" MADDIX (shouting across the ring) HEAR THAT MONEYMAKER? THESE PEOPLE LOVE US! CPA and Cortez look set for a boxing match rather than a wrestling match as they move back in, both with guards up. CPA's looks the safer, the former pro-boxer throwing a shadow right as a warning shot. Not intimidated, Cortez stays on his toes and almost catches CPA with a kick to the thigh. COLE Two great fighters here and this could resemble more of a fight than anything. COACH Whoever thinks MMA and OAOAST make a good match should give Axel a call, see how that went for him. COLE Yikes! Not impressed, CPA raises an eyebrow, as if to say 'you really think your kicks are gonna hurt me?' Cortez takes his chance and delivers on a kick to the back of the knee. And CPA soon starts to rethink his eyebrow motions, as it does infact hurt him. Cortez delivers a second kick to the leg. And a third. And a fourth, trying to chop the big tree down. CPA swings with a right hand to try and fight Todd off, but he ducks and fires away with another leg kick. Hobbled a little, CPA leans against the ropes and tries to shake away the stinging sensation, reaching out as Cortez steps towards him and throttling him with one hand! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." Releasing the choke, CPA once again shakes at his knee while Cortez stands doubled over wheezing for breath. CPA buys himself some more time by pitching Cortez through the ropes and to the arena floor, right beside Landon who pesters his understudy to get back in and fight. COLE Can you believe the audacity of Landon Maddix? Unbelievable. Casting a glare towards his 'boss' as he climbs to the apron, Cortez manages to avoid CPA's grasp this time as he leans through the ropes with a shoulder thrust. Cortez then goes up and over the top, looking for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Back up quickest, Cortez strikes at the legs against with his hard-hitting kicks. Moneymaker barks instructions to his Director Of Security, determined not to lose face to Landon who grins arrogantly at him from across the ring, barely watching the action. With CPA hobbled Cortez turns and hits the ropes, charging back with a clothesline. CPA absorbs the impact though, only taking one backwards step. CPA then charges forward with his own clothesline attempt. Sidestepping, Todd is able to take Allen down to the mat with a drop toehold however, then pops up to apply an Anklelock! COLE Cortez using that speed and manouverability to keep CPA off-balance and now, submission hold applied, the anklelock! COACH You're really reaching if you're looking to get a submission on CPA. He's as tough as they come. COLE Maybe not quite so tough with one broken ankle though. Cortez doesn't get quite that far yet. Rolling over onto his back, CPA places his free foot in Cortez's chest and pushes him off, sending him back-first into the turnbuckles. Hobbling back up, the bigman looks to further add to Todd's misery with an avalanche in the corner. But Cortez sidesteps and CPA hits the turnbuckles hard. Schoolboy roll-up from Todd... 1... 2... No! Grabbing a front facelock, Cortez tries to control CPA for a second. COACH Cortez better step his game real quick, because Landon doesn't look impressed. COLE I somehow doubt Cortez cares about impressing Landon. COACH He'd better soon start caring if he wants any sort of a career around here! His fate is in that man's hands. He'd be wise not to keep biting them hands, because they're the only things feeding him. The facelock slows CPA down a little, but doesn't prevent him from climbing back to his feet and lifting Cortez up off the mat. Cortez is able to get his feet back safely on the mat before anything bad can happen though. Out of the front facelock, he manoeuveres his way behind and into a sleeper hold. But CPA uses his power again and backs Cortez into the turnbuckles. And a second time. Hoisting Cortez up onto his back, CPA then grabs hold of the head and drags Todd right over his shoulder into a harsh landing on the ring canvas. COLE Not everything CPA does in that ring is particularly pretty. But it's absolutely effective. With Cortez down, CPA backs off the ropes and goes high with an elbowdrop... into nothing but that ring canvas! COLE Well, except that. Far from being impressed with his understudy's heart and resiliance, Landon yells at Todd to "do something already!" as he gets back to his feet. Cortez glares at his stable'mates' again before looking to do just that. Hitting the ropes, The Urban Legend charges back, but CPA recovers to scoop him off his feet with a Front Spinebuster!! Cover... 1... 2... No! Moneymaker gets on Chioda's case about the count, echoed by his Enterprise co-horts. COLE Cortez got a little distracted by the constant abuse he's getting from his corner and can you blame him really? COACH That was clearly three. Where's an OAOAST ref who doesn't choke under big pressure when you need him? This ref, another loser who needs to step his game, before his duties get taken up by a referee who can actually do his job. COLE You mean like Clem? CPA picks Cortez slowly back off the mat, the pace now a little more friendly to his style. He shoves Cortez back into a corner, adopting the stance before using Todd's torso as a punching bag for his heavy bodyshots. Lefts and rights bounce off of Cortez's ribcage before Chioda has had enough and reaches five, warning CPA of a disqualification. CPA gives him a look to shut him up, lifting Cortez up from his knees and delivering a big haymaker against the buckles! Cortez drops like a sack of potatoes as Chioda issues another warning to CPA about the closed fists. COACH Ho-ho! What a right hand! With Cortez facedown and out, CPA is showered with congratulations from the rest of The Enterprise. Simon and Ned giggle like little schoolboys as they watch the instant replay, courtesy of The Siclopse's playback feature. Across the ring, Landon and the rest of Cucaracha Internacional are much more solemn. Finally, CPA makes a cover... 1... 2... Foot on the ropes! CPA grunts, hooking up the leg and trying again... 1... 2... No! COLE Cortez kicking out but that big right from the ex-pro-boxer really scrambled his brains. Looking annoyed, CPA picks Cortez up and elevates him over his shoulder, backing into a corner ready for a running powerslam. The running is no problem, but the powerslam never comes, as Cortez slides down the shoulder and escapes out the back. Hooking him up, Cortez takes CPA down with a quick russian legsweep. Rolling through to his feet The Urban Legend almost loses his balance, but gets his bearings for the follow-up legdrop. COLE There you see Cortez still seeing stars, but able to turn the tide nonetheless. COACH He should be used to be seeing stars, hanging around with Cucaracha Internacional for so long. COLE That is weak. Even for you. Shamed. Both CPA and Cortez get back to their feet, Cortez having taken a few extra seconds to get his head straight. Cortez strikes first, back after the knee with a kick. And another. The noise levels increase from the outside, The Enterprise encouraging on CPA to fire back with an uppercut to the breadbasket, Cucaracha Internacional yelling at Cortez as he fires off two more kicks to the back of the legs. COLE Maddix and Moneymaker, both hunched over the apron, looking rather nervous now. Neither of these two giant egos want to face seeing their group's representative lose tonight, not even with round two to come next week at the Big Apple Spectacular! Cortez has CPA hobbled up and tries to hook him up for an irish whip, only to get flung into the ropes himself. As Cortez rebounds back he manages to duck a clothesline, waiting for CPA to turn around to catch him with a Crotch-Droppah! Taking a quick jump back, Cortez then aims for the head with a Roundhouse Kick... BLOCKED! CPA gets his forearms up in the way and catches Todd while he's still off balance with a thudding one-two combo to the stomach! From the outside, Moneymaker calls out for the finish and waves CPA towards the ropes. Not one to neglect an order, CPA follows his boss's advice and charges off the ropes. As he charges back though, Cortez suddenly recovers and goes darting the other way. Both men come off adjacent ropes and look to be on a collision course, CPA letting out a roar of effort as he throws out with his Gigaton Punch... connecting with Cortez as he lunges towards him with the HOLLOW POINT~!~! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Hands get thrown on heads and up bodies jump in each camp, as both men stay down after their head-on collision. COLE Like a jacknife on I-95! Both men collide and I've no idea who got the best of that hellacious impact! COACH I don't think anybody did Michael, they hit each other at the same time, we might be looking at a double knockout! With both men down, Moneymaker and Maddix both look confused about what actually happened and why their representative isn't getting back to their feet. COLE CPA threw that Gigaton Punch but Cortez dove right into it with the Hollow Point. I think Cortez may just have drove his shoulder into the arm before that fist could connect 100% as CPA intended, but I don't know. Looking a little worried at Cortez's lack of movement, Landon starts to pace around on the floor. Moneymaker looks a little nervous as well and suddenly makes a call to action. Mackenzie immediately jumps to the apron to distract the referee... ...which is all the opening that Landon needs to slide a pair of brass knuckles in to Cortez! COACH HEY! COLE Hey is right, everybody's suddenly said to hell with the rules! Suddenly Mackie has reason to complain to Chioda which leaves her stranded on the apron. Meanwhile in the ring though, Cortez finds the knucks near his hand... and promptly tosses them back out of the ring towards where they came from. COACH What is this moron doing? COLE He doesn't want to get involved in all of this garbage. But it looks like he's the only one! Just as the knucks come flying out of the ring, The Enterprise come flying around it to confront Cucaracha Internacional about their attempts to cheat. Landon and co. fire back by pointing out Mackenzie... who comes crashing off the apron, courtesy of Megan Skye! Megan lays Mackenzie out with a big slap, but gets blindsighted by Molly Nerdly who tackles her to the ground. And that's all the encouragement the guys need to start doing battle as well!! The Nashville crowd lap it up as the two hated forces brawl away on the floor. Moneymaker goes at it with Blonde, Black brawls with Bosley, Faqu is pounded by both Beverly Hills Blonds and the Big Apple Spectacular opponents Landon and CW get acquainted a week early! COLE It's breaking down between The Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional! And this crowd is loving it! COACH They're all cheering for their favourites! COLE Yeah keep dreaming. As the brawl continues on the floor, Todd Cortez picks himself up and starts to go outside to get involved. But he stops midway through the ropes, looking at Landon holding CW in a tenuous headlock and waving for Todd's help, before throwing up his hands at the whole thing. Instead, Cortez goes back to the action... and EATS A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, CPA blindsighted him! CPA wastes no time in following up, pulling Cortez to all fours and applying a gutwrench. With a scowl on his face he then takes The Urban Legend up over his shoulder, angling him down to the canvas and DRIVING him down with the Dominator!! With no-one on the floor paying attention to the ring, CPA then turns Cortez over and covers... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And The Enterprise are gonna win this! *DINGDINGDING!* The mass brawl continues unabated on the floor, while CPA's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Your winner of the match... CHRISTOPHER PATRICK AAAALLLLLLEEEEEEEENN!!! CPA leaves the ring to join in the fight, but gets there a little too late as referees and officials start to pile out from the back to seperate the warring factions. The Cucaracha Internacional members are able to get away under Landon's encouragement and head for the back, Landon realising what's happened as Moneymaker starts to gloat. Casting a disgusted look at Cortez in the ring Landon vows things will be different in a week's time, from behind a sea of bodies of course. Moneymaker meanwhile laughs it up and makes the "money fingers" while patting CPA on the back. COLE The Enterprise win the first battle here tonight and it's thanks to an assist from Landon Maddix, accidentaly distracting Todd Cortez by calling for his help. You know, it's amazing how much Landon values Cortez when it's useful for him, isn't it? COACH I doubt he values him much now. Cortez dropped the ball yet again. COLE He wasn't even expecting to wrestle tonight until Landon bailed at the last minute. And then he got blindsighted by a boot he didn't see coming! Cucaracha Internacional continue to be guided backstage, belatedly joined by Megan who apparantly nobody thought to help with her two on one predicament. And nobody comes to Cortez's aid as he sits up in the ring, nursing his head from the big boot. COLE But whatever way you look at it, The Enterprise pick up the win over Cucaracha Internacional. And what omens does that cast over the meeting between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright next week in Central Park, in the Money In The Bank Tournament? COACH I don't know how much it's gonna be a factor. Teddy and The Enterprise have the bragging rights, but they didn't beat Landon's best, they beat his worst, so I doubt he'll be too crushed about it. The Enterprise continue to gloat over their victory at ringside as we fade away. COMMERCIAL

COACH Last week, James Cone destroyed young Cooper Riley, who was coming off of a destruction from Faqu a week prior. After the bout, Sly Sommers laid down the challenge: if anyone on the roster of Cone's choosing could beat Cone or take him to a ten-minute time limit draw at the Big Apple Spectacular, then Sly would get a match of any stipulation he wanted at Angleslam in August. But, if Cone beats the opponent, Sly would retire. Cone ended up choosing Cooper Riley, of course. Next week, the two will collide and the fate of Sly Sommers, and for that matter, James Cone are on the line! COLE Earlier this week, I went down to the OAOAST Training School to catch up with how Sly's training with Cooper Riley is going. Guys, let's roll the footage... (Dissolve to Michael Cole walking into the pristine OAOAST Training School building, being followed by the cameraman (whose POV is obviously providing the footage). In the gym are three rings and a bunch of regular gym equipment. In the background, you can see Sly Sommers repeatedly bodyslamming Cooper Riley, while yelling at him to get up after each one) COLE Right now, Sly Sommers is training Cooper Riley for his big match with James Cone at the Big Apple Spectacular...let's see if we can get a few words with Sly. (Cole jogs towards the ring) Gentlemen! GENTLEMEN! (Sly and Cooper stop) Excuse me, Michael Cole, OAOAST Media. Any way I could get a word with you, Sly? SLY Sure thing...(looks at Cooper and hands him keys) Here, go get lunch. You better not come back with any less than an armfull of meat. COOPER But I'm up to 141! SLY Don't argue! (Cooper walks out of the ring and leaves the building as Sly slides under the ropes and sits down on the apron) What's up, Mikey? COLE I just wanted to gather some thoughts from you...how's training going? SLY It's going quite well...I mean, let's be realistic: Cooper's not going to be a World Champion by Thursday, but I guarentee he's going to be a good enough wrestler to last ten minutes with Phoenix! COLE What brings this confidence out of you? Cooper's not exactly shown a great deal of expertise during his short time with the company. SLY Sometimes it takes someone fetching the rope to pull the potential out of someone. When almost everyone saw his matches, they saw some scrawny little dork getting killed by the best in the world. What I saw was an undersized, inexperienced warrior with a heart the size of this building who just happened to be thrust into something that went over his head. When Phoenix gave me Cooper as my last hope in this company, he thought he got one over on me. Hell, for about a day, I thought he got one over on me. Then, I re-watched his matches and I got in the ring and trained with him, and I realized that Cooper Riley's about the hungriest competitor I've ever met in my life. He might be five foot two and weigh one hundred and forty pounds...but don't tell him that. All he wants is to be a professional wrestler...and a good one. COLE So, I'm not exactly asking you to reveal the strategy to get Cooper past Phoenix...but what exactly are you trying to do with Cooper here? SLY Well, one thing I've noticed about Coops during the training and in his matches is that he's an exceptional high-flier. Just messing around on the ropes and such, he's done stuff I can't imagine anyone else in this company being able to do. The problem is: he's a kamikaze flier. He throws his body and is reckless about where and how he lands, which ends up hurting him much more than it helps him in the end. I'm teaching him how to turn into a stealth flier who can do dazzling moves, but is pin-point accurate on how he connects with them. He has to hit and run. He has to fly from all different directions. No matter how big someone is, if you can't control their movement, they're going to eat you alive. COLE Now, some insiders are joking that all you need to have Cooper do is run around the ring and avoid Phoenix for ten minutes and he can win the match. What do you say to that? SLY It might be the "smarter" thing, and quite frankly I thought about just teaching Cooper to do that, but I can see it in Cooper's eyes each time I see him: he doesn't want that draw. He needs to pin Phoenix. The kid has a desire to be a star wrestler and James Cone is going to be his first step in accomplishing that. COLE Well, it sounds like you've been working hard and are going to bring the best Cooper Riley you possibly can to face James Cone at the Big Apple Spectacular next week. Any parting words? SLY (looks into the camera) Cone, you better come into this match at your best because if you underestimate Coops, he's going to surprise you, embarrass you, and send you home packing. I've got a fistful of dynamite ready to unload on you and he wants to pin you more than you could ever know. Be ready...(Sly's phone rings, he answers it) Hello? Hey Zaaaa...(looks up at Cole) Hey, could you guys leave? This is kind of private... COLE But... SLY But nothing. Please, I need some time. COLE (looks at cameraman, they both walk outside) So, that does it from here: James Cone looks like he has a bigger challenge than he thought ahead of him. Next Thursday night, Cooper Riley versus James Cone: Sly Sommers' career versus a Sly versus Phoenix match at Angleslam. COMMERCIAL

Cut backstage, to Josie Baker sitting in her office. JOSIE So...we know now that Alfdogg will meet Bohemoth in the quarterfinals of the Money in the Bank tournament. *crowd cheers* JOSIE I bet the fans around the world can't wait to see that showdown. I also know that the fans probably can't wait to Leon Rodez get his hands on Alf's buddy, Reject, in their quarterfinal matchup! Well, they won't have to wait as long as they think. *crowd cheers* JOSIE Because they're all going to meet in the ring next week at the Big Apple Spectacular! *crowd cheers* JOSIE But it will not be one-on-one...rather, they will be on opposite sides in an eight-man tag match. The match will feature Alfdogg, Reject, Thunderkid, and Sandman9000 - the Deadly Alliance - facing off against Bohemoth and the Love Generation, of Leon Rodez and D*LUX! *crowd cheers* JOSIE But that's not all. There will be some extra added incentive for this match. Josie rises from her seat, and grabs four golden envelopes from her desk. JOSIE In these golden envelopes are four golden tickets, not unlike the ones seen in the Willy Wonka movies. However, these tickets are worth more than a trip to some stuffy factory. These tickets will earn each member of the winning team one favor, to be used within 60 days following the match, from me, the President of the OAOAST, Josie Baker. *crowd cheers* JOSIE And I don't mean those kind of favors... *crowd boos* JOSIE These can be used for any wrestling-related favor you wish, be it booking a title match, making a stipulation, whatever you want. So keep that in mind, eight-man tag participants, and good luck to you all! *crowd cheers* *back to Sofa Central* COLE Wow, a HUGE announcement by Josie Baker, and what a spectacular match we've just added to the Big Apple Spectacular! COACH Amazing, can you imagine the impact this could have on the OAOAST? COLE It will have to be seen to be believed, and it will in fact be seen at the Big Apple Spectacular next week! JULY 21st, LIVE ONLY ON TSM FROM CENTRAL PARK ONE THURSDAY NIGHT THAT CAN'T BE HELDDOWN~! ***FREE*** Admission! The fun, carefree disco inspired sounds Pet Shop Boy's New York City Boy plays us through the rundown of the SPECTACULAR card. **** ZACK MALIBU VS NATHANIEL BLACK MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH: LANDON MADDIX VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT COOPER RILEY (w/ Sly Sommers) vs JAMES CONE JERME GREY DEFENDS HIS SJPW CHAMPIONSHIP MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH: FAQU VS COLOMBIAN HEAT MISTER DICK AND V.I.C.E VS BARON WINDELLS AND THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS DEADLY ALLIANCE VS LEON RODEZ, D*LUX, AND BOHEMOTH BONUS: PATTY WONDERS WHY WITH ONLY ONE IN-RING CHARACTER HE STILL HAS TWO MATCHES TO WRITE!!! YO WTF, B? ****

Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg is met with boos as he makes his way to the ring. COLE Another Money in the Bank match on the way, featuring one of the favorites to come out with the money and the title shot, former World champion Alfdogg! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following is a first-round Money in the Bank tournament match, scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former two-time OAOAST champion of the WORLD...ALFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COLE Alf will face a big test here, and I mean that literally, in Baron Windels, one half of the former Lone Star Gunslingers! COACH Tough luck for Baron, drawing Alf in the first round! He's a tough guy, but Alf has mowed down bigger and tougher adversaries! COLE And if Alf advances here, he will take on Bohemoth, the Metrosexual Monster, in the next round! COACH Oh, I'm excited just thinking about that one, Cole! Alf rolls into the ring, and poses on the ropes. He then hops down, as Thriller by Fallout Boy plays, and Baron Windels make his way through the curtains, getting a nice ovation from the crowd. BUFFER His opponent...from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at 265 pounds...BAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Baron slaps hands on the way to the ring, then climbs in and salutes the fans before removing his gear. The referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf and Baron circle the ring, but when Baron moves in, Alf hops out to the floor, drawing boos from the fans. Alf circles the ring, then climbs back in. He moves in, and the two tie up. Alf backs Baron up a few feet towards the corner, but Baron shoves Alf across the ring! COLE And Baron showing off the power advantage here, as Alf would be better suited to go to the speed moves and the mat wrestling here! Alf gets to his feet, then climbs to the apron when Baron moves towards him. Alf yells at the referee to get Baron away, and the referee manages to back Baron up to mid-ring. Alf climbs in, and the two tie up again. Alf grabs a side headlock, and wrenches down on it, forcing Baron down to one knee. Baron gets to his feet, then backs Alf into the ropes and shoves him across. Baron drops down, then gets to his feet and knocks Alf to the mat with a shoulder-check! Alf immediately scoots to the outside. COLE Alf on his back once again, and once again, he's out to the floor! COACH Alf's trying to frustrate Baron here, and I think it may be starting to work! Alf slides back in, and moves in once again. This time, Alf drives a knee into the midsection, followed by a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf attempts an Irish whip, but Baron reverses, and sets up for a BIG BOOT~!, but Alf grabs the ropes and pulls himself to the floor. COLE And there he goes again! The crowd is starting to get uneasy, but this time, Baron goes out after him! COACH Uh oh! COLE And Baron is on the chase this time! Alf leads him to the other side of the ring, then rolls in, and catches Baron with a elbow to the back of the head as he rolls in! COACH See, look at that, Cole! There's the real difference right there, that ring savvy of Alf! Alf stomps away on Baron, then picks him up and executes a vertical suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout WITH AUTHORITY~! COLE BIG kickout from Baron right there! Alf stomps Baron, then runs to the ropes, and leaps into the air for an elbowdrop...but Baron rolls out of the way! COLE And nobody home on that elbow! Baron delivers right hands to Alf, then backs into the ropes and catches him with a big clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Baron wrings the arm of Alf, then starts to go to a wristlock, but Alf goes to the eyes! Alf then backs into the ropes, and catches him with a Hart Attack clothesline! He then goes to the top, as Baron starts to get to his feet, and hits a MISSILE DROPKICK~! COACH Big move from Alf! 1... 2... Kickout! Alf grabs an armbar on the mat, but Baron fights his way to his feet. As the referee circles around the wrestlers, however, Alf grabs a handful of hair and yanks Baron back to the mat! COLE And Alf with the hair behind the referee's back! COACH Smart move there by Alf! Waited until the referee was out of view, and did what he had to do to bring Baron down! Baron fights up to his feet again, but Alf backs him into a corner. Baron suddenly turns him around, and starts delivering right hands! COLE And look at this outburst from Baron Windels! Baron grabs Alf, and rams his face into the buckle as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Baron then whips Alf into the ropes, and executes a BIG backdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Boy, this match has been back-and-forth all the way! Baron whips Alf into the ropes once again, but this time puts his head down, and Alf delivers a kick to the mush! COACH A Cardinal error by Baron there, though, putting his head down! Alf follows up with a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf whips Baron into the ropes, then drops down, then attempts a clothesline, but Baron ducks, and catches him with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Baron then backs into the ropes for the COWBOY BEBOP ELBOW~!, but Alf rolls out of the way! COLE And Alf able to avoid the Cowboy Bebop Elbow! COACH ...how can you say that with a straight face? COLE Practice. COACH I'll have to try that. Alf whips Baron into the ropes, the leapfrogs him, drops down, and catches him with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE Big move from Alf! COACH Alf with the Space Ghost Spinebuster! COLE ... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf picks up Baron, and whips him hard into the corner, then follows up with a bulldog! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And Baron still hanging on, despite suffering the Buzz Lightyear Bulldog! Alf backs Baron into the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then attempts an Irish whip, but Baron reverses, and follows him right in with a corner clothesline! COACH But Baron comes back with the Cow and Chicken Clothesline! COLE ...OK, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Alf staggers out, and Baron sends him to the floor with another clothesline! COLE And Alf out to the floor following another clothesline! Baron follows Alf out, and delivers right hands, but Alf goes to the eyes. Alf then tries to ram Baron into the ring apron, but Baron blocks it and rams Alf in! Baron then scoops Alf up with intent of ramming him into the post, but Alf slips behind the back and shoves him into it instead! COLE And Baron colliding hard with the ringpost! Wow, you could hear that sound a mile away! COACH OK, time for Alf to finish this one off now! Alf stomps away on Baron, then climbs to the top, jumping to the outside with a double axhandle! COLE Alf comes crashing all the way down to Baron on the floor! COACH Can Baron survive the Astroboy Axhandle? COLE Stop. Alf rolls Baron inside, then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!!, and a BLUE THUNDER BOMB~!!! Alf then scales the ropes... COLE Alf could advance right here! COACH You know, Alf told me he was considering changing the name of this move to the Fat Albert Frog Splash! COLE He did not tell you that, shut the fuck up already. Alf jumps off, just as Baron rolls out of the way! However, Alf rolls through, ala Eddie Guerrero, and goes for a SUPERKICK~!, but Baron ducks, and floors Alf with the MYSPACE COMEBACK~! COLE And Baron with the MySpace Comeback! COACH And I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel? COLE Hey, I didn't make it up! Baron picks up Alf, and executes the DEVIL'S ADDICTION~! Baron then follows with the COWBOY BEBOP ELBOW~! COACH And Baron hits the Eek! Stravaganza Elbow! COLE It's the Cowboy Bebop Elbow, thank you very much. Baron picks up Alf, and attempts an Irish whip, but Alf reverses, then attempts a clothesline, but Baron ducks, then attempts a BIG BOOT~! ...but Alf catches the foot, trips Baron up, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! No nicknames needed here, if Baron can't get to the ropes, it's over! Baron struggles towards the ropes, but Alf pulls him back to the center, and sits down on it! Baron makes a couple faint scoots towards the ropes...but is forced to tap out! *DING DING DING* COLE And it's over! Alf has advanced to the quarterfinals! BUFFER The winner of the match, advancing to the next round of the tournament...ALFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COACH What a great move by Alf, able to block the Count Duckula Kick (come on, you knew I was going to work that one in) and, in one motion, apply that Sharpshooter! COLE And a tremendous matchup set up now, as Alf will advance to meet Bohemoth in the quarterfinals! COACH I'm still disappointed at the lack of Fat Albert Frog Splash, though. COLE You're going to get a Strawberry Shortcake Slap to the Face if you don't knock it off! Folks, we'll be back, hopefully with a new analyst! COMMERCIAL

WE'RE BACK~!, and so is Zack Malibu, as he walks through the backstage area, pressing an ice pack against the back of his head. Malibu, whose face is tied in a grimace, turns the corner, and comes face to face with the new authority of the OAOAST...JOSIE~! It's a slightly akward moment as the two one-time friends stare each other down, Josie being the one to break the ice. JOSIE It's like deja vu, Zack! I'm in charge, you're getting your ass kicked by James Blonde...didn't we do this one before? MALIBU Nice to see you too, Josie. Zack tries to walk past, not in the mood to bicker, but Josie steps to block his path. JOSIE Hold it, hero. I don't know if you noticed, but your best buddy isn't the one calling the shots anymore, I AM. MALIBU So I've heard. JOSIE I'm sure you have. So, I want to know, what gives you the right to play matchmaker out there tonight for the Big Apple Spectacular? MALIBU Matchmaker? I got challenged, I accepted. That tends to happen in the wrestling business, you know. If don't realize that, maybe you shouldn't be the one in charge, now should you? Josie's eyes drop, giving Zack a hateful look. JOSIE You know something, if it wasn't for your name vaule and the ratings you draw helping to line the company pockets, I wouldn't even want you on the ring crew. However, I know that you're the so-called Franchise and I have to live with that, so consider that match between you and Nathaniel Black official for next week. MALIBU Fine. Malibu goes to walk away, but Josie gets in his way again. JOSIE There's going to be a lot of changes around here, Zack. Just...um...keep your head up! Malibu scowls as a proud Josie walks away after getting the final word in, and we then cut back to the arena and Cole and Coach. COMING UP NEXT FIRST ROUND MITB MATCH BARON WINDELLS VS ALFDOGG NEXT

About ready to continue with our Money in the Bank tournament, Michael Cole first enters the ring to interview 84-year-old referee Clem Buzzlefoxer. COLE Clem, I thank you for taking a moment of your time to speak with us, especially since OAOAST officials are immune from questioning by members of the press. But I know you wish to address the controversial tag bout you officiated last week featuring V.I.C.E. and the Christ Air Express. OAOAST BACKTRACKER Last Week “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE As you can hear, it was not a very popular decision. Quite frankly, and with all due respect, I question your state of mind during all that. BUZZLEFOXER My great-great-great grandkids, they never miss a OAOAST show and read the Internet, Mr. Cole. They read and hear at school the jokes about their grand-grand-grand pappy, and it doesn‘t just hurt them it hurts me too. So for you of all people to question my state of mind, it pains me to no end. But it no longer comes as a surprise that whenever something unusual happens in a match I’m officiating, like missing a tag or my attention being diverted elsewhere during a key spot in the match, people assume it’s yours truly experiencing a senior moment. If I may be so blunt, that pisses me off! For you must understand, I’ve done this job for well over 50 glorious years. Longer than most people watching have been alive! There’s no other official on God’s green earth who can do a better job than me, which I proved last week by not cheating the fans out of their hard earned money. I gave them a winner. Baron Windels ignored repeated warnings in regards to his constant interference. After interfering for a third time I had no choice but to disqualify him. Until I remembered what I was told many, many, many, many years ago in referee school: never allow yourself to determine the outcome of a match. COLE But you did! BUZZLEFOXER At first, I admit. I quickly rectified my mistake, however. The important thing is, there was a winner and there was a loser -- and the fans went home happy! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Does that sound like the fans are happy? BUZZLEFOXER (smiling) We’re in a different city, Mr. Cole. COLE (sighs) Very well. Clem, I again thank you for your time. Fans, here we go with our next Money in the Bank match. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 The camera pans to the entranceway where Mr. Dick stands, arms raised out in a pose as streams of golden pyro shower down on him and Malaysia. BUFFER The following is a first round MONEY IN THE BANK tournament match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing a hard 238 pounds… MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Mr. Dick swaggers to the ring holding his crotch. Once inside he tosses his glittery white cowboy hat aside and summons his opponent. COLE A quick reminder about next week’s special telecast fans. Just signed: BIG APPLE SPECTACULAR Mr. Dick & V.I.C.E. vs. Baron Windels & The Christ Air Express COLE What a match-up it should be. COACH If you like massacres. Which is exactly what it’ll be next week. Guaranteed. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed hits and the crowd goes BERSERK. The Metrosexual Monster triggering a pyrotechnic display that puts the 4th of July to shame by simply flashing THE GUNZ~! BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo runs up the steel steps and poses inside on the middle turnbuckle. Like a snake in the grass Mr. Dick stalks his prey and pounces when the time is right, clubbing Bo hard from behind with overhead forearm smashes. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name, ambushing the Metrosexual Monster. COACH You don’t agree with it, but it’s a smart move on Mr. Dick’s part, Mikey. Bo’s a monster. He puts everybody he’s in the ring with at a disadvantage. So you gotta take every opportunity he gives you. Put on the defensive to start Bo then goes on the offensive, backing Mr. Dick against the ropes with a fury of closed fists referee Clem Buzzlefoxer admonishes him on. He whips Mr. Dick across for a clothesline, but Mr. Dick ducks under and lands a STIFF KICK that merely fazes the Epitome of Masculinity! So if at first you don’t succeed try, try AGAIN… AND AGAIN… NO, BO COUNTERS WITH A POWERSLAM!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ONE… TWO… And only two. Mr. Dick rolling outside clutching his lower back. While he recovers Malaysia hops on the apron to challenge Bo. Woman or not, the charismatic big man invites her to step inside. Clem Buzzlefoxer and his fragile 84-year-old body doing all it can to keep that confrontation from occurring. As the war of words continue, Mr. Dick sneaks around to the other side of the ring and scales up top. COLE Behind you Bo! From Cole’s lips to Bo’s ears. The Metrosexual Monster nailing Mr. Dick coming down with a shot to the gut! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Face-first into the buckle goes Mr. Dick. Bo keeping him cornered for a series of knees to the midsection. Whipped across Mr. Dick floats out of an attempted military press slam and CLIPS Bo’s knee! COACH Let’s see how Bo does now that he’s the one at a disadvantage. Mr. Dick squares Bo up and drives the point of the elbow into the back of the neck. Down on a knee the man dubbed PIMPHEMOTH~ for his stylish threads becomes enraged after a SLAP to the face, popping Mr. Dick above the belly button which he shakes off, raking the eyes to follow. An illegal act gone unnoticed despite referee Clem Buzzlefoxer standing right there. COLE I don’t advocate forcing anybody into retirement, but it’s my humble opinion that OAOAST management should look into doing so in this case. The guy’s breaking down in front of our very eyes. His vision’s poor and God only knows how many replacement joints he needs. COACH Age discrimination! COLE The last thing this business needs is a death in the ring, and I’d hate to see the outcome to an important match affected by Clem. You don’t want him to fall asleep when Tha Puerto Rican is about to retain the heavyweight championship of the world or when D*LUX is a half a count away from winning the tag titles. COACH Just don’t book him in any title matches. Simple as that. Having shoved Bo onto his back Mr. Dick points Clem in Malaysia’s direction as he lifts both of Bo’s legs and HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE GROIN! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Mr. Dick…Just Being A Dick. After bashing Bo’s leg against the ring post repeatedly, Mr. Dick looks to slap on the figure-4. Kicked away at first he stays persistent…AND GETS ROLLED UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Both men rush to their feet, and Bo stiffs the shit out of Mr. Dick with a MURDERLINE!! Mr. Dick staggers back up and right into an inverted atomic drop…which does more damage to Bo due to his injured knee. COACH The end may be near, Cole. Coming off a grueling series of matches with Zack Malibu and then having competed in War Games just a few short weeks ago, I don’t know how much Bo has left in the tank. Mr. Dick meets little resistance applying the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK this time around. The shockwave of pain causing Bo to sit up, teeth gritted. As Clem checks to see whether Bo wants to quit, Mr. Dick grabs the ropes for extra leverage. Which Bo desperately tries to aware Clem of. Of course by the time he looks Mr. Dick has already let go. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” The crowd solidly behind him Bo stages his comeback. Running high on adrenaline Bo flexes his muscles to psych out Mr. Dick before overturning the figure-4. Now the one feeling the hurt Mr. Dick releases his grip on the hold almost immediately. But the damage has been done. Bo struggling to put any weight on his injured leg. This allows Mr. Dick to come up and hook Bo in a FULL NELSON and SLAM him into the mat with PURE PENETRATION! COLE Bo in real trouble here. ONE… TWO… NO! Bo gets the shoulder up, prompting Mr. Dick to complain of a slow count. A claim referee Clem Buzzlefoxer responds by shooting Mr. Dick a stare that translates to “quit your bitching” and he does. Unlike the last time he meets heavy resistance trying to reapply the figure-4, crashing face-first into the buckle after Bo uses his foot to shove him off! He staggers back around into the arms of Bo who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Back in the driver’s seat Bo looks to the crowd for his next move. Thumbs up? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” THUMBS DOWN~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH God these people are sadistic, Cole Bo nods in agreement. But as he’s about to scoop Mr. Dick up for the Erotic Awakening of B, Malaysia once again makes her presence felt on the apron. COLE Careful Bo. Remember what happened the last time you and Malaysia came face to face. Bo knows, sidestepping a running attack from Mr. Dick who quickly puts on the brakes to avoid a collision with Malaysia. COACH Close call there. Happy to disappoint Mr. Dick laughs in the fans’ faces. Bo’s got their backs though, clothes lining the narcissistic bastard over the top. Luckily for Mr. Dick he lands safely on the apron, or so he thinks. A big roundhouse knocking him loopy. Bo then suplexes… NO, MALAYSIA YANKS THE LEG OUT FROM UNDER BO AND MR. DICK FALLS ON TOP! COLE Malaysia’s got the leg! Mr. Dick’s gonna steal this one! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo PRESSING Mr. Dick onto the true senior official of the OAOAST. COACH I told you Bo’s a monster, Mikey. Even with Malaysia pinning his leg he still managed to kickout. COLE What heart and desire being shown here tonight. Both men badly wanting to advance onto the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament in search of a shot at the OAOAST Championship and a half a million dollars. The first to his feet Mr. Dick pulls the CUP out of his short shorts. But it’s no ordinary cup. It’s a STEEL CUP specially designed for extra protection. COACH That’s what I call balls of steel. COLE Mr. Dick winds up…but has the cup ripped from his hands by BARON WINDELS. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK COACH What's this loser doing out here. Oh, now I get it. He wants to see what a winner and real man looks like up close. Mr. Dick takes a swing at his former tag partner and misses. Baron shoving him back into the direction of Bo and THE EROTIC AWAKENING OF B!! COLE Oh, my! COACH This is terrible. Mr. Dick had the match won, Cole. Clem slowly -- and I mean slowly -- crawls over to make the count. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BARON *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* Bo’s music plays in the background as the fans celebrate his victory. BUFFER Here is your winner, advancing to the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament… “THE METROSEXUAL MONSTER”…. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron tosses the steel cup to Malaysia before letting Bo have his moment in the spotlight. Mr. Dick pissed beyond words/belief/whatever the proper phrase is. In any event, he’s mad. COLE What a win for “The Metrosexual Monster” Bohemoth. COACH I call it a miscarriage of justice. How come you aren’t as wound up about Bo getting help from Baron Windels as you were when Mr. Dick received assistance from Malaysia? COLE Baron had little impact in the outcome of the match. Whereas Malaysia did everything but actually get in the ring to help Mr. Dick. COACH You don’t even bother to hide your bias anymore, Cole. COLE Well you’re not the king of impartially yourself. So there. Right now let's go backstage to Tony Brannigan. In the backstage interview lounge as described by me only two weeks ago various wrestlers are ignoring the fact there's a live show going on and preoccupying themselves with the numerous games and activities in the modernist quasi-sports bar. But they're only background props to the central figures of Theodore Moneymaker and Tony Brannigan sitting at the bar. Moneymaker nurses a glass of brandy, while Brannigan leans against the steel counter top and appears more interested in a replay of the home run derby on one of the giant flat screen TV's. TONY BRANNIGAN Ladies and gents, as has become an unfortunate week to week custom I am standing inside the interview lounge with the billion dollar heir, and CEO of The Enterprise Mister Theodore Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER ( looking around the fancy lounge) I count a hundred thousand dollars wasted within this very room. Ninety thousand of that is occupied by your salary! BWAHAHHAHA. I kid, cousin, I kid. I make joke, and I have a good time, because I love life and I love the beautiful people within it. BRANNINGAN Right, doctor feelgood. Seeing that you're in such a great mood, why don't you tip us off as to who you've pegged to face one of La Cucaracha Internacional later on tonight. MONEYMAKER No, no, cousin. A genius poker player never tips his hand. And the hand life has dealt me is sure to sweep away Landon Maddix in a royal flush. Besides I could clean out my entire Enterprise and replace them with only Tony Tourettes and I'd still be the odds on favorite to decimate Landon's little collection of simple oafs. Who made that moron head of his own wrestling company, anyway? Was The Blue Meanie occupied with another straight to DVD show in front of twenty five people in a high school gym? BWAHHAHAHAHA! BRANNIGAN Okay, Theodore, if you're gonna keep The Enterprise rep under lock and key inside fort knox, let's talk about your favorite topic of conversation, one Krista Isadora Duncan. I figure with the Dark Knight arriving in theaters its a fitting topic. The way you constantly go back and forth with Krista is very similar to way villains like Joker or Lex Luthor battle back and forth with Batman or Superman. And, hey, just like Luthor and Joker, you always lose in the end! Moneymaker scowls and calls for another shot of Brandy BRANNIGAN In addition to the half million you've offered to the winner of this tournament, you've put up fifteen percent of your shares in the network to whoever can get Krista out the tournament. ThunderKid struck out, and next at bat is Cuban Wall. But opponents aside, doesn't this scheme reek of desperation, egomania, and flat out stupidity? MONEYMAKER An inaccurate and altogether offensive view, cousin. Very offensive. But I'm not like the Obama campaign, I won't boo hoo to the overly sympathetic bleeding heart media over every little prick and thorn. Because I am a warrior patriot, built with materials and tools given to us by the greatest hardware store of all, the United States constitution. The fifty stars on our flag never shed a tear, and neither will this star standing in front of you. As to your biased accusation, perhaps I can answer it with a story. BRANNIGAN No thanks. MONEYMAKER Do you remember when your parents released you from your little mud hut in San Antonio and you came to visit the family down in Vero Beach. And you marveled at how I, at the magical age of ten, had dominated the subdivision with a lemonade stand on every corner? BRANNIGAN They were the only lemonade stands I ever saw that served the drink with a sprtiz of scotch and a cigar. MONEYMAKER That enterprising masterpiece did not come without many well labored brush strokes. You see a young Cuban boy bused in from the city for a ill conceived deseg program, decided to infiltrate my market with a stand of his own, much the same way his people had infiltrated once unblemished American soil with their breakfast burritos and their Ricky Martin and their Univision. I was enraged by this, an action no less appalling and era defining than. the Japanese strike on Pearl Harbor. He may have been a ten minute bus ride away from my main base of operations, but I was not, nor am I, nor will I ever be, the type of liberal commie bastard to bend over and take it from Razor Ramon JR and the Fidel Castro bandwagon. Thusly I sent Christopher Patrick Allen the fourth, father of the CPA you see every week, to rough little Elian Gonzalez up, break his nose, bust his kneecaps, nothing too extreme to do to an eight year old. While CPA the 4th provided muscles, I handled the brains. Brains that were already reading at a college level. Using our family's clout as loyal and concerned patriots with the INDS , I was able to assist agents in discovering that somehow mysteriously, completely independent of my issues with the boy, he and his family's green cards had been revoked! Justice was a quick taskmaster. They were exported back to communist Cuba to be tried for treason against the government punishable by death. Why do you think I did this? To protect out family's assets, property, and cash from undesirable elements. Just as my market share couldn't be eroded by a poor Cuban immigrant that should be selling fruit on the highway, half a million dollars of the Moneymaker fortune can not fall into the hands of satan's hand maiden. Be it fifty cents, five million dollars or half a million dollars, I must protect every piece of the Moneymaker legacy from coming into contact with the wrong element. BRANNIGAN Don't you think your hateful anti-gay rhetoric is getting a little old? MONEYMAKER What grows old is the presupposing that the hardworking American public is not sick and tired of being subjected to a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah ruled over by a hedonistic Jewish Princess. The politically correct words of a biased liberal media spin a web of lies, but I have polls to untangle the truth. Polls that show the American heartland, what this country survives on, is disgusted with Johnny and Jill coming home from the last day of school with “Why does Jane have two daddies” on their summer reading list. BRANNINGAN You know something? I think Michael Cole was right. You're in love with Krista. MONEYMAKER I thought you to be a bit better than to listen to commentary from the lovechild of John Tesh and Ryan Seacrest. BRANNIGAN When you're right, you're right. And this man is right. She's strong, blond, tall, beautiful, athletic, strong willed, rich, well educated, famous, good family. And people convert all the time, who cares if she's Jewish? And as long as she keeps her mouth shut and smiles when she shakes McCain's hand what's it matter to you if she's a tree hugging hippy. Most people never find the one their perfectly matched for. But for you Its like God dropped your perfect woman mere inches away from you, but he damned you to a life of frustration and bitterness and made her a lesbian. And that's why you're on this Jesse Helms kick about wiping the “homosexual scourge from the earth” Because in all my years of knowing I've never heard you even mention the word lesbian until you met Krista. That just like you, destroy that what you want but can't have. MONEYMAKER Arm chair psychology at its worst. Someone get me a bottle of Coors so I have something to break over his head! I'm above engaging in this level of Teen Nick high school gossip. Save it for Melody and Leon. BRANNIGAN I notice you never said you weren't in love with her. The camera quickly swings to the left, in a jerky nervous movement that mimics Moneymaker's mood when he sees Alix Maria Spezia, in heavily destroyed denim capri pants, and a bold red and blue crisscrossing striped baby doll. ALIX Break yo self, fools! MONEYMAKER On second thought, analyze me more. I've always felt an vague sexual charge around my mother, what do you think that's about. And how does it tie into the childhood dreams I had of my dad holding my mouth open and pouring rat poison down my throat? ALIX No Limit Studios. What's up? Who dis is? Who dis is? Nigga, this Rappin 4-tay. Who is this? Uh, dis P! P? Yeah, this P! P? Yeah! If this P, lemme hear ya say, "Ungh!" (voice cracking) Ungh! Nigga, this ain't no muthafuckin P! Man, fuck ya'll. (singing) Make em say,"Ungh!" (Ungh!) N-nah-n-nah! (n-nah-n-nah!) Finally noticing, Moneymaker's presence but not his disdaining glare, Alix dances and grooves her way to the bar. Without even bothering to ask if she can join them, Alix nudges her way between the feuding cousins. While they try to adjust to the fact that she's nearly shoved them to the ground, she calls for a Shirley Temple. MONEYMAKER To what do I owe the dishonor of your pleasure? ALIX Wowie! Why so meanie, genie? MONEYMAKER Why do you think I'd be a mean genie? ALIX I didn't call you a mean genie! I said “why so meanie, genie.” I just said your mood is kinda mean, but you're overall an emotionally stable and well balanced genie. And if you really are genie, how come you're not blue, and voiced by Robin Williams, or if this were the cartoon series from the 90's, a similar sounding actor? MONEYMAKER I repeat. Why would you assume I'm in a bad a mood? I sink countless hours into reframing my Enterprise with you as the crown jewel, fracturing my existing staff almost beyond repair. I pour thousands of dollars into your musical career with hopes that you'll be the Trojan horse that allows me to take over Hollywood with an iron grip. Then in front of millions you finally destroy my carefully orchestrated plan to bring down Krista by choking in the biggest match of your career. ALIX Oooooooh. No way, dude, that wasn't Ally Cat! I'm a chill girl that quarrels with none. That was some other half Mexican girl with curly brown hair, singing aspirations, and a tattoo of Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati on her ankle. Plenty of people around here fit that description. Amirite? Plus, you called me a Trojan, and I don't even look anything like a condom! But, I don't wanna talk about the past, dude. Because the past is past. Hey I finally got that saying! The past really is past. Oh my god, awesome. But I wanna talk about you giving out shares of the network to whoever can eliminate Krista! That's such an awesome idea, man. Remember that ep of Full House where like Uncle Joey or Jesse, whoever appeared on surreal life and couldn't let himself fade gracefully into obscurity, had that time warp to the future when they were like super old and all the girls were there and Kimmy Gibbler was like oh my god so hot. And Joey was like “we need to start being nicer to Kimmy” but ya know that's not really cool because Krista's dad, he's in congress, says you should be nice to all dudes ...except Muslims. This idea is like hot Kimmy Gibbler but a lot harder to fantasize about. But, yeah, this is awesome. Like, its so great. So great. You know what this kinda gnarly idea makes you? A hoe! MONEYMAKER You dare to call me a ho? ALIX No, no, no. Not ho like Sienna Miller. Hoe like “Highlight of Oustanding Excellence”. H-O-E. You are the ultimate H.O.E! And trust me, I know, the woman who gave birth to me is the biggest H.O.E in the state of California! MONEYMAKER A H.O.E, eh. ALIX I mean, like, if you don't want the title... MONEYMAKER No, I very much like being a hoe. Theodore “H.O.E” Moneymaker. BRANNIGAN Even the kids on the playground were calling you that back in the day, buddy. I guess the world always knew you were a H.O.E ALIX When you walk down the street, guys are leaning out their window screaming “damn that's a solid ass H.O.E! ”And what hoe's are really known for and stuff are Displays of Intelligence Charisma and Knowledge. Or D.I.C.K for shorties. This idea with the TSM shares, total D.I.C.K! Like, most people don't think you have a D.I.C.K, but you've got D.I.C.K, dude. MONEYMAKER Damn straight I do. I've had plenty of D.I.C.Ks in my day. Plenty. Possibly more than any man you've yet come across. And they all have one thing in common. They're massive. Massive D.I.C.Ks. I'll let you in a little secret, because you used to be an employee and all, I've got hundreds of D.I.C.Ks inside me right now. ALIX Physically impossible! MONEYMAKER Not for a H.O.E it isn't. And I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow with even more D.I.C.Ks inside me, ready to go. ALIX Wow! That's really great. What's it like, when a uh..ya got a D.I.C.K in your mouth and it.. MONEYMAKER And it comes out? ALIX Uh...yeah...yeah! MONEYMAKER When a D.I.C.K a big, thick, juicy, one, comes its like a finely aged merlot has filled the every inch of my mouth. I savior it, and I love it. BRANNIGAN Do you censor yourself? What I mean is as a H.O.E do you limit exposure of your D.I.C.K to paying customers? MONEYMAKER Obviously not. My wisdom is too valuable to be exclusive to the cretins populating the bleachers on these shows. I don't care if its my mother, my grandmother, innocent bystanders, little kids, babysitters, bill collectors, whatever, I'll leave the whole block feeling my D.I.C.K, and you know why? ALIX Because you just don't give a fuck! BRANNIGAN What about your guys in The Enterprise? MONEYMAKER Fantastic D.I.C.KS. All of them. BRANNIGAN Mackenzie to? MONEYMAKER Especially, Mackenzie. ALIX Wowie, our breakup hit her like really hard, ya know. Oh my god. MONEYMAKER Their D.I.C.K's come harder and faster than any I've ever seen. ALIX Oh my god, that's really awesome, dude. What do you do when you know a D.I.C.K is coming? MONEYMAKER I am in awe. Absolute awe. I get down on my knees, my eyes widen and my mouth opens, and I wait for what ever comes from that beautiful D.I.C.K. ALIX This has been like such a really enlightening conversation. And even better, its on camera, so we can show it again and again so everyone can see it and learn from it. Oh my god, thank you both! You're both really awesome. I've gotta go check in with my parole officer, so ya'll keep on keepin on. Bye-ya! Alix grabs her Shirley Temple and scuttles off the scene. MONEYMAKER I finally see what Mackenzie saw in her. What a charming young girl......GOOD LORD HOW THE HELL DID I FALL FOR THAT? We dissolve from Moneymaker slamming his head against the countertop with Brannigan chuckling at his misfortune back to sofa central. COLE Let me save you the trouble, Coach. Moneymaker is like one cup with two girls, he stays gettin shitted on! COACH Yo, you like a fourteen year old girl with R.Kelly, you stay sippin that piss! COMMERCIAL

Nashville, people! Nashville!!!

word up, cousin. That was a pretty loaded show. I think everyone wrote something, and some people wrote multiple things. So, good shit all around here. I was surprised there were so many matches to.

naaaw, you ain't blind. I remember what happened. I had multiple tabs open in TSM with the jerme grey match ready to be added. I had put the backstage skit in after that match in the same post. but later I realized the pics in the match were screwed up. So I edited the pics in but on the wrong tab and ended up undoing the skit and not knowing until you told me and god damn that was complicated! But its back to normal now and edited in! Sorry!

RESPECT 2: 149 KC ALF PFL ZACK CCB EWC PATTY

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory brings us the ultimate video package showcasing death defying stunts and jaw dropping highlights of our entertainers mixed with closeups of the major characters in various locations suited to their personality. And I really need a new themesong. Once the video closes on Zack Malibu standing atop a mountain at sunset we dissolve to the logo From the logo we're transported to sofa central, were Double C, in their usual orange polos and khaki pants resides. In honor of the Big Apple Spectacular Sofa Central has received a minor makeover, now decorated with numerous items of a NYC theme such as a statue of liberty plush doll, and "i love new york" bumper sticker, a Knicks and Yankees hat and a replica of a homeless peeing on a subway train. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the finest program in all of sports entertainment television, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We are in the deep south, Alabama, as we head to the Big Apple Spectacular COACH And civilized societey! Got a nigga feelin like they some bounty hunters ready to drag a man back to the plantation. Pick that cotton and eat them chitlins. COLE I've got news for you! We're not getting out of here anytime soon because this is a severly stacked show! COACH Cole I got news for you to, your father hides under the cover with two weenies in his hand rubbin them together hopin the Weenie GENEIE appears. COLE 3 out of 4 of your "disses" have to do with weenies, step your game. Your mother does powersquats in the cucumber fields! Folks, while Coach recovers from his epic sonning, lets take you to the OAOAST Backtracker brought to you by The Dark Knight! OAOAST BACKTRACKER Last Week “In the Air Tonight” by Nonpoint hits, the live crowd boos, and CPA and Detective Tango Bosley march to the ring. The Boz stopping to jaw jack with fans while CPA enjoys the finest cigar money can buy. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a total combine weight of 545 pounds, they are Violators, Instigators and Capital E-fenders… CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… V.I.C.E.! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Here we go with the bout requested by EMT Tim Cash following his humiliation last week at the hands of Theodore Moneymaker’s newly formed V.I.C.E. squad. Who he’s selected as his partner is anyone’s guess. Michael Buffer exit’s the ring as “Hospital Beds” by Cold War Kids blasts through our multi-million dollar sound system. EMT Tim Cash steps out solo onstage and removes a microphone from his medical bag! EMT TIM Boz, I can tell by the look on your face you’re surprised I even bothered to show. You think just because you dubbed yourself as the alpha male in the OAOAST that nobody would dare enter your domain. Tonight I choose to enter and I brought a partner with me. A man who takes justice into his own hands serving as judge, jury and executioner, and who believes in the basic principles you denounced by selling out to the devil himself. He also has a little beef with you guys stemming from the Great Angle Bash. COLE Oh, my. Could it be? "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd ERUPTS as “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy is cued. BOSLEY BARON WINDELS meets EMT Tim with a high five, and then they storm the ring. But standing in the way of getting their hands on V.I.C.E. is 84-year-old senior -- and we do mean SENIOR -- official Clem Buzzlefoxer who does his darnest to keep the fireworks from exploding prior to the opening bell, ordering Tim and Baron to the corner. COLE Come on, Clem. Let them fight. COACH For one I agree with you, Cole. I want to see them fight so V.I.C.E. can squash Tim and Baron like the bugs they are. Their backs turned Detective Bosley looks to blindside his former partner, but Tim steps aside and Bosley goes crashing into the buckle! Tim unloads on him in the corner, whipping the disgraced NYPD detective across to deliver a spinning back elbow. Back to the corner Tango goes for a monkey flip, and then it’s a quick tag to CPA who gets drilled on the way in by an ENZIGURI~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Having studied V.I.C.E.’s first match together, Baron and EMT Tim employ the same hit and run strategy that had CPA and Detective Bosley on their heels at the GAB. First with Baron smacking his BUTT into CPA’s face, and then Tim scoring off the top with a MISSLE DROPKICK! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT…AND WITH AUTHORITY! CPA reverses a whip to the corner and charges in, but Tim floats up and takes the big man down in a head scissor. Detective Bosley doesn’t fair much better when he tries lending a helping hand, running into a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK! The EMT has a few choice words for his ex-partner, but he soon goes from talking shit to having it beaten out of him after a high angle waistlock takedown from CPA leaves him prone to a series of punishing forearm smashes to the back of the head. COLE What does he think this is, the octagon? COACH He’s striking Tim with elbows not punches, so it’s legal in pro wrestling. CPA then displays his tremendous strength, dead lighting Tim onto his back via a gut wrench suplex! With Tim down and seemingly out, Detective Bosley wants in, and CPA obliges. The AMOG (Alpha Male of the Group) entering to a chorus of boos as he takes advantage of poor Tim, stomping him on the head with his loafers. COLE And he doesn’t even have socks on! Tim’s introduced hard into the buckle and then worked over in the corner, Bosley punching him rapidly in the midsection with both fists followed by a brutal ROUNDHOUSE KICK that would knock the stuffing out of a turkey. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Bosley dumps Tim outside to soak in the adulation of the crowd, in his mind at least. But it also serves a purpose, as CPA wraps Tim in a bear hug and rams him into the ring post! Baron unable to help as senior official Clem Buzzlefoxer keeps him at bay. COLE This is ridiculous. Clem, you’re holding back the wrong man. It’s CPA you should be trying to stop. COACH Good luck with that. The Boz FISHERMAN SUPLEX’S Tim inside! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Baron makes the save and receives an earful from Clem. While all that goes on V.I.C.E. make an illegal switch, which goes unnoticed thanks to Buzzlefoxer’s poor eyesight. COLE This is ridiculous! You’re telling me even at Clem’s advanced age he can’t tell the difference between Detective Bosley and CPA. Here’s a clue for you: one’s white, the other’s black! COACH And I thought I was suppose to be the angry one. Tim’s sent for the ride and driven into the mat courtesy of a FRONT SPINEBUSTER! ONE… TWO… "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BW with the save again, and Clem’s none to happy, giving Baron a final warning. All the Lone Star Gunslinger can do is throw his arms up in frustration. Meanwhile, Bosley returns as the legal man, splashing down on Bosley and hooking the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Baron slaps the top turnbuckle to rally the crowd behind EMT Tim, drawing a smile from our resident alpha male who laughs at the attempt. A slash of the throat signals the end is near. Brainbuster coming up, but Tim counters with a desperation DDT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" EMT Tim feels for the ropes and begins to crawl to the WRONG corner. Tim shakes off the cobwebs and heads in the right direction. CPA grabs the attention of referee Clem Buzzlefoxer as Tim MAKES THE TAG. Unfortunately since the referee didn’t see it the tag isn’t allowed. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Baron doesn’t give a damn, though, and starts kicking ass. Dropkicks and Cowboy bebop elbows for everyone! COACH A man of the law, huh? COLE The officiating has been piss poor in this one. I don’t blame him one bit. Big boot staggers CPA, and a clothesline knocks him to the floor. His pleas for order falling on deaf ears Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * An argument ensues between Buzzlefoxer and Windels. As they continue to go back and forth, CPA smokes Tim with the GIGATON PUNCH and places Detective Bosley on top. Suddenly Clem signals to restart the match. COACH This one might not yet be over, Mikey. CPA floors a befuddled Baron Windels as the count is made. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, CPA and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY… V.I.C.E.! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” A few rudely fans petal the ring with garbage as Clem raises the hands of CPA and Detective Bosley. COLE What the hell was that? Has Clem gone crazy?! COACH Doesn’t everybody love a match where there’s a clear cut winner? Flanked by a never before seen private security force Clem exits, leaving V.I.C.E. alone with Baron Windels and EMT Tim. The Boz removes the bottom turnbuckle pad where a set of HANDCUFFS are hidden and cuffs Tim to the top rope, while CPA binds the Lone Star Gunslinger’s hands together with the TAG ROPE. COLE Oh, man. I don’t like the looks of this at all. Bosley tears the right side of his pants to reveal a TELESCOPIC BATON tied to his leg. He whips that bad boy out and Rodney King’s his former partner. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Baron charges at CPA and gets beaten down for his trouble. CPA doing the job with his bare hands. But help is on the way. THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS coming to the aid of EMT Tim and good friend Baron Windels. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" V.I.C.E. and the CAE trade blows until MR. DICK sticks his cock where it doesn’t belong, paving the way for another mass beatdown. OAOAST officials finally arrive to put an end to the lawlessness, escorting Mr. Dick and V.I.C.E. away from the area. COLE What a situation we have out here. Fans, we desperately need to take a break to restore some order. So don’t go away. More action after this quick time out. LATER TONIGHT INTERNATIONAL CONFLICT ZACK MALIBU VS NATE BLACK TONIGHT! ALSO TONIGHT MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THUNDERKID TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Returning from break brings us to sofa central which now has another occupant, billion dollar heir, Theodore Moneymaker. Dressed semi-casually in black slacks and a white collared shirt, Moneymaker reclines in comfort with a glass of scotch in his hand. COLE Folks, I'm happy...no that's the wrong word...I am opinonless...there nice and diplomatic...about being joined by Theodore Moneymaker this first time ever match between current tag champ ThunderKid and four time tag champion Krista Isadora Duncan. Mister Moneymaker has offered half a million dollars grand prize to whoever wins this major tournament. Moneymaker, welcome. MONEYMAKER Welcome, indeed. Not even the continued meddling of the Christ Air Express in affairs that do not involve them could dampen my mood tonight. And a heartfelt congratulations to Mister Jereme Grey for his SJPW title victory tonight. COLE Moneymaker, earlier tonight you had a bit of a confrontation with Landon Maddix- MONEYMAKER Landon Maddix that outrageous blowhard. The five minutes I gave him in that interview lounge were five more minutes than his kind deserves. His kind being the mentally incompetent fools with extreme delusions of grandeur. He has the gall to place himself within mere inches of my level? If I was not such a good Christian I would've bitch slapped Maddix on a magic carpet ride to the moon. COLE One small step for man, one giant bitch slip for Landon Maddix. So, why don't you tell us about you being willing to give fifteen percent of your shares in the TSM network to the person that bumps Krista out the tournament. MONEYMAKER Naturally I can't allow old money, money of the Moneymaker clan that has helped shaped this proud country to fall into the hands of a liberal anti-American lesbian thought terrorist such as Krista, my greatest enemy. Nor can I on a personal level permit her to earn world title or even a title shot before I have. That is an insult and a curse I shall not endure. I will not be left on the outside looking in, envious of her success. The OAOAST landscape is littered with the remnants of failed bounties past. But each of this misbegotten plans all feel dead along a similar path, and that path is coated green with money. You see these simple folk, these lower class lower minded peasants live hand to mouth. And if you've never had money, how could you possibly understand the incredible possibilities that come with a bank account that has more zeroes than Cole's family reunion? You might have a vauge sense of what money can do, but only in terms of the way your mind has been corrupted and enslaved by clever marketers and advertising gimmicks. Rims, cars, vacations. These are fleeting goods, merely used to get the money out of the hands of the poor and back where it belongs, with people like me. I offer something different. I offer power. Because power is money and money is power. I offer men who wish to rule a chance to finally do so. To wield something beyond fists and brutality for cruel unfeeling pay masters. I offer them influence. Prestige. Power. And all they have to do is finally get rid of Krista. They have the chance to fulfill my most longed for dream. I pray they exercise it, so that I can make their dreams come true. The heavy bass line and authoritative riff of Kiss' God Of Thunder opens to a raucous chorus of boos from the Alabama audience. As the more aggressive melody kicks in and thick clouds of smoke fill the entrance stage, the audience's heat grows hotter. It reaches its highest point when ThunderKid emerges through the hazy walls. As the roving yellow strobe lights play a frantic game of tag on his skin, the Green Bay native stands firm and tall, proudly holding up his tag belt almost like a shield against the disgust of the audience. BUFFER The following contest is a first round money in the bank match scheduled for one fall with no televised time limit! Now making his way to the ring representing the Deadly Alliance, and hailin from Green Bay, Wisconsin! He weighed in at 250 pounds and stands 6'3. He is a two time Heartland Champion, a North American Champion, and one half of the current one and only world tag team champions....THUNDERKIDDDDD! ThunderKid beats his chest as the fans continue to trail his walk to the ring with jeers, and the strobe lights encase the arena in a thick yellow glow. COLE Nice to see ThunderKid in regular attire, rather than looking like he just got done breaking up the LA Riots. COACH That weren't ThunderKid or Reject out there helping Sandman! Niggas like you is the reason OJ almost got caught up on charges. Talkin bout he stabbed this, he stabbed that, DNA here, DNA there. What ya'll niggas fail to comprehend is that at the exact moment those murders happen a secret alien infiltration was ocurring in the Los Angeles area. Ask Krista she lives there, she'll back it up. Aliens takin a man's DNA and identity, in this case OJ to get information and what not, and when they saw those two people roll up on the house they got spooked and merked em. And OJ caught the case cause of some alien dumbfuckery. COLE And, you're saying it was aliens under the mask who helped Sandman not Reject and ThunderKid COACH I'm sayin, nigga, that the truth is out there. Don't think with your eyes, think with your mind. MONEYMAKER Its evident there's not a whole lot of thinking going on out here period. Entering the ring, TK triumphantly raises his tag belt one last time. Its a gesture that doesn't earn much good will from the audience, who flash him thumbs down and the much more vulgar middle finger. COLE If Reject was to believed, and he isn't to be believed on anything, TK was givin Jade a little look over backstage. Could there be something there? COACH Only if my man wants his balls lit up like the plant at the end of Little Shop of Horrors. With Krista as her mother its harder to get the play out of Jade than its to get a taliban out Guantanamo bay! MONEYMAKER ThunderKid. A poor humble boy growing up in Green Bay, I offer the chance for him to become royalty! Only Hercules has earned his position next to gods, and tonight ThunderKid can do the same thing. Louis the 14th once declared himself a deity, and should he be sucessful tonight I, a god in my own right, will declare ThunderKid a diety and offer him a place at my side ruling over the TSM empire! COLE Empire? What other shows come on TSM besides this one? MONEYMAKER .... COLE ..... COACH ...... When the red light comes on I TRANSFORM. Look in my eyes covered in Maybeline Looking like something fresh out of a magazine I can be part of your deepest fantasies You’re the detective Come solve my mystery The floor of the entrance stage is captured by a playful illumination as its tiles flash wildly alternating colors of red, green, yellow, blue, and white. Above these frenzied color flashes lie a bevy of gorgeous dancers. They capture the audience's lust and passions, with white gogo boots decorated to look like hockey skates, black chest protector hockey pads that exposes their stomachs, blue and yellow, tie die micro dresses, and goalie helmets which are designed to look like a snake's opening mouth. Their dances are like figure skating revelry mixed with modern day hip-hop, flowing arm movements interrupted by controlled bursts of leg jumps, followed by hands running across their shapely bodies. But whatever attention falls on the uniquelys dressed dancers is stripped away by the arrival of the supreme beauty, Krista Isadora Duncan! Miss California strikes an alluring pose beneath the swirl of red and pink spotlights, throwing one hand into the air, while letting another glide down her inner thigh. A circling overhead camera captures the gorgeous woman, in snake skin heels that carry long legs up to a snake skin mini skirt that showcases generous helpings of her perfectly toned BUTT. To complete the ensemble she wears a matching tank top and head band. BUFFER And the opponent from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, a n inductee into The Hollywood Walk of Fame, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, the star of the VH1 reality show the look of love, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, The other half of the Angle Award winning tag team of the year, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! COACH I saw on TMZ that Krista's legs are insured for ten million dollars! Someone shoulda took out a policy on the Duncan name, because Jade dropped some self ether on it! Girl got her face jacked up like she was Rudy Tomjanovich and Malaysia was Kermit Washington! Jade ruined the Duncan name in eight minutes, Krista's gotta beat ThunderKid, find Amelia Erhart, cure cancer, kill Amelia Erhart and crank dat soulja boy on that bitches grave, just to get it halfway back to where it was. Disgust at Jade, man. That ho needs a smackin on principal! Take that ten mill policy and buy you a new eldest daughter. The entrance ramp's dull flooring is now blanketed in the most beautiful array of pink and red glitter that sparkles wonderfully against the matching lighting scheme. Similar to the recently passed LA fashion week, fashion photographers and journalists, all outfitted in the same black dress shirts and slacks, work tirelessly to capture the image of Krista strutting along this majestic décor with the grace and style of a supermodel. As wind machines playfully blow her flowing blond locks in front her entrancing face, the photographers trail her path creating a whimsical light show with the roving pink and purple spotlights. Once she reaches the end of the ramp, her hands fall to her slender hips, and her face tilts backwards, bathing in the wind machine's touch while she beams a charming smirk into the camera. All around is the monstrous roar of cheers, spewed from every member of the audience. MONEYMAKER This woman is irreversibly doomed! It should be a sin to cheer for the good of this evil she-beast. She is a symbol of the cancer that prays on this great nation as well as on my very soul. She is putrid, toxic, stinking cesspool, of liberal fecal matter. My whole head is sick, my heart is faint. That she continues to thrive makes it feel as if my very bones are on fire. I am righteous! And the righteous will rejoice like no other when I seeth vengeance. I can't stand her! Reaching the ring apron leads Krista to catch her long legs around the third rope. Offering the fans a prime photo opportunity she bends her entire body upside down with amazingly flexibility. Even while suspended in mid air, she showcases her classically rebellious attitude with one hand blowing the cameras a kiss and the other giving them the finger. COLE Here we go, the current tag team champion versus the record holding four time champ! This will most definitely be a unique change of pace for ThunderKid to deal with the Hollywood circus like atmosphere Krista brings with her. Fortunately, ThunderKid is more even tempered and relaxed than most of Krista's foes, who are often totally thrown off by carnival like festivities. DING DING DING! Tough the contest is officially underway neither wrestler seems willing to fire the opening shot. Instead they tentatively circle each other across the ring, eyes flashing an open contempt for the person who stares back at that them. The intensity of the crowd ratchets up several notches, imploring the two to finally come to blows. Moving in unison they meet in the center of the ring with lockup. Clearly more powerful than Krista, TK quickly manages to shove her towards her knees. But in the process he loses his footing, and Miss California is able to stage a sudden recovery and back him towards the ropes. As her rival is pressed against the cables, it looks like Krista is trying to rip free of the lockup merely so she can choke him. This doesn't go unnoticed by referee Billy Silverman, who grabs Krista's attention by placing a hand on her shoulder and asks for a clean break. The blond bombshell can't quite understand what Silverman's issues are, and glares at him in annoyance. However, she acquiesces to his request and back pedals towards the middle of the ring. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” ThunderKid is content to again circle the ring and assess whatever threat his enemy poses him. That threat is quite a deadly one as Krista's snakeskin pump lashes out with a venomous bite towards his leg. But with surprising quickness, TK is able to shift his 250 pounds away from her deadly strike. He wags his finger at her as if to say she'll have to try harder than that. And the beach bunny certainly does try harder to cripple him, sending her pumps at his leg one more time. Once again, TKid is able to sidestep the super fast strike. And this time instead of giving her a cocky admonishment he wraps his arms around her slender waist, and with unerring ease carries her thin physique across the ring and slams her into the corner posts. The audience reacts in horror as Krista lets out a long and sustained groan of anguish. MONEYMAKER ThunderKid, a fine, fine example of genetic American ingenuity. Haircut you could set your watch to, physique chiseled out of granite, square jaw reminiscent of some of the greatest fighters in American history, Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Segal, Rocky Marciano, Arnold Schawrznegger, Theodore Moneymaker. I wish we had a super solider program so we could collect helpings of ThunderKid's sperm and disseminate it amongst ourselves to protect our borders against threats external and internal. COACH No homo. MONEYMAKER There's nothing homosexual about collecting a man's sperm to preserve the freedom and democracy of this great land. Just as Kris' cries of pain near silence, Kid rams his shoulder into her stomach. Being a fitness queen, Krista has quite a stronger stomach than most, but TK delivers the strikes with such speed and ferocity that she can't help but buckle beneath the torrent of attacks. After his tenth strike lands, TK calls an abrupt end to his attacks. He smirks cruelly as he weaves his fingers through Kris' golden locks and hauls her away from the corner. She rebels his against his iron-tight grip, but the Cheesehead stills her escape efforts with a forearm to the back. Krista wilts beneath the powerful attack, and the pain becomes even harsher when a second and third one rip through her bones. Already having difficulty in standing, Krista is brought to her knees by a horrific knee to the throat from the former Heartland Champion. In that prone position, she's left open to a barrage of punches to the back of her head from TK. COLE The winner of this first round Money In The Bank Match moves on to face Cuban Wall in the second round. No easy draws in this quest for the cash and the title shot. MONEYMAKER The worst draw of all goes to Landon Maddix, who will be put through the very flames of hell against my boy Christian Wright. BWHAHHAH*cough* *cough *cough*...sorry that rarely happens. The two time Heartland Champion traps his stunned rival into front facelock. Moving with incredible speed, he kicks her expensive footwear out from under her, completely dismantling her balance as he drives her backwards with a leg sweep DDT! Krista head snaps off the canvas like a tennis ball, and her body sags against the floor, momentarily drained of all energy. TK is wise to pounce on her wounded state, and covers her for a pin ONE! TWO! Krista kicks out! “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” Unwilling to be beaten into an early retirement, Krista attempts to drag her weary bones across the ring. But, TK stalks her path, and as she uses the ropes to help herself upright, he smears a forearm across her beautiful face. She falls back against in the ropes, and her exhausted face is held visible to the worried audience, as TK grabs thick clumps of her hair and tilts her neck back. Ignoring the warnings of the referee, ThunderKid knocks what little breath she has left clear out of her with a vile throat thrust. “ALFDOGG'S BITCH! ALFDOGG'S BITCH! ALFDOGG'S BITCH!” the audience taunts TK. Ignoring the assertion that he is a loyal female dog, the stoic technician throws his flamboyant rival across the ring with an Irish whip. ThunderKid lowers his head, hoping that Miss California will leap frog him. But the walk of famer is far too smart for such basic tricks, and like the fangs of a serpent her snakeskin heels tear into him with ferocious malice. As the audience explodes with a huge cheer, TK staggers backwards and curses her counter. Taking advantage of his frustration, Krissy leaps onto his shoulders, locking her lovely tan legs across his neck. But, her offensive attack is halted by ThunderKid's...dandruff? “Honey, what's this? What's going on up here?” “What are you talking about?” “I'm talking the snow covered cliff that is your skull. You've got so much white stuff up here, Lucius Soul might try to snort you.” “Okay party over! Get off me, ma'am.” COLE He called her ma'am. Suckin up to the future mother in law I see. Krista actually follows Kid's request, and twists her billion dollar body down his frame. Midway through her journey back to the mat, she ties her foot beneath his armpit and with her incredible leg strength upends him over to the canvas. TK then makes the fatal mistake of scrambling upright. Fatal because Miss California nearly takes his head off with a majestic leg lariat! Apparently, TK has yet to turn his lesson, and holding onto his head he gets back to his feet. COACH Stay. Down. In an effort to turn the fleeting tides of momentum back towards him, he whirls like a dervish with a twisting kick aimed at Krista's midsection. But the golden haired honey catches the boot in her hands and promptly curses him with a 360 nauseating twirl. On the verge of vomiting, and faced with a foe who's flashing him a beauty pageant worthy smile, TK can do nothing but gasp in fright as she locks her arm beneath his. Mere moments later he's besieged by another dizzying spin, one that violently throws him into the mats at the hands of the You Say Tomato I Say Fuck You! (Spinning STO). KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA! The audience comes to their feet with applause for Krista's showy moves, and she celebrates by brushing that dirt off her shoulder. COLE Moneymaker, I've been wondering why you have such an obsession with Krista, why you go on and on with hounding after her like a little boy dumping worms on a girl's head in kindergarden. And I got it. You're in love with Krista. Blond hair, blue eyes, tall, athletic, Scandinavian features. If she wasn't Jewish and a lesbian, she'd be your perfect Aryan princess. MONEYMAKER I...wha..wha...I...uh...I...Would killing you fall under justifiable homicide? TK is desperate to catch his breath and remap his strategy and so he backs away towards the corner for a breather. However the time to catch his breath is annoyingly short, as Krista is scorching across the ring. The Green Bay native tries to pull himself out of her path, but isn't nearly as quick as the sultry pinup and she drives both her knees straight into his jaw! The large cheer that comes with the move drowns out TK's shouts, but the agonized expression on his face speaks volumes on his suffering. Never known for her sympathetic nature, Krissy returns towards the middle of the mat to prepare to inflict more damage on her enemy. First she flashes the “call me signal” to a cute short haired brunette in the front row, and then rushes back to TK to plant her knees into his battered face one more time. On their feet the audience sings, “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”, as she positions herself on the second posts. Krista plays into the cult of celebrity that's made her hella famous, by striking an arresting pose, running both her hands through her hair and freezing her face in a sultry expression for the wealth of photographers. Once she's satisfied they've captured her at her best angle, the walk of famer begins hammering TK with the always popular corner ten punches. “ONE!” “TWO!” “THREE” “FOUR!” “Get your woman on the floor! Gotta, gotta get up to get down! Gotta, gotta get up to get down!” Krista raps, then goes back to mangling TKid's face. “FIVE!” “SIX! “SEVEN!” “EIGHT” “NINE!” TK braces himself for a punch that appears to be indefinitely delayed by Krista being captivated by her gorgeous face on the video screens. "Mirror mirror, on, the wall, who is the top Dogg of them all?" There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it lasted, the mirror said, "You are you conceited bastard" “TEN!” ThunderKid both shocks the audience and significantly dampens their mood when he manages to capture Krista across his shoulder. She kicks and claws at him as if she were a helpless damsel being carried off by a wild west villain. But TK ignores her wild thrashing and carts her to the corner. Upon reaching his destination he casually throws his much lighter foe forward and her knee slams into the top rope. Unable to properly brace for impact, she endures an awkward head first crash into the mat, that leaves her debating which is worse the probable concussion or the possible torn ACL. ThunderKid is rather pleased with her maladies and looks down on her anguished body as he raises his arms in triumph. YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” TK responds with a nasty scowl towards the fans before he hooks Krista's leg for a pinfall... ONE! The audience is able to breathe a sigh of relief as Krista kicks out. They're so thrilled at her pin escape, that they barely notice TK slide himself to the outside area. Only when he grabs onto their beloved heroine's ankle do they realize something is afoul. While the front row audience members pelt him with taunts, the former Heartland Title holder drags Krissy along the ring floor until she's impaled crotch first on the turnbuckle posts. Her free leg kicks with a desperate ferocity in hopes of securing her freedom. But no attack in the world would cause her tormentor to release her from her bonds and he drives her knee into posts. The awful feeling of her bare skin colliding with the metal is a pain far too great to tolerate and her throat explodes with shrill shrieks of agony. COLE Those legs are insured for ten million dollars, and someone at Lloyds Of London is drafting a very nasty form letter, dictated but not read, to ThunderKid. MONEYMAKER Disgusting! This is a sport of grit, of grime, of raw intensity, and there's a woman who pays cash to protect herself against the heart and soul truth of our fine art form. COLE Maybe you and D*LUX should form a club about Krista. Two is crazy, but three is a club! Thankfully for Krista, TK is satisfied with just one strike against her leg and returns to the ring. His hands clamp down on her flowing hair, and he's rough and crude in dragging her towards the center of the ring. He then fallson top of her and barks at the official to count his fall... ONE! TWO! Krista throws her shoulder up, and the audience is ecstatic as a result. Less ecstatic is TK and who exercises his anger through a stomp aimed squarely at Krista's knee. She again screams out in agony, leading to several butch looking women in the front row threaten to feed him his testicles on his still beating heart. TK isn't overly worried about their rather detailed threats as he lifts Krista off the canvas. He tucks his head beneath her arm, then traps her weak leg within his grip. Quickly does he bring her body into the air and drives her leg across his knee. The force of the strike topples Krista onto the mat, and draws anguish all across her tear stained face. TKid, who still has hold of Krista's leg, slams it back to the canvas, crushing it between the rock hard mat and his elbow. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” Both competitors are strewn on the mat, but its the OAOAST Original who is in complete control of the contest. Positioned behind Krista, he locks his muscular legs around her ankle and begins rocking his body back and forth to generate an intense amount of pain in her limbs. Almost grinding her teeth into dust, Krista flops on the canvas trying to somehow manage the torment that's overcoming her. Her frantic squirming does succeed in loosening TK's grip somewhat, but TK corrects that momentary bit of good luck by grabbing onto her high priced footwear and twisting her ankle. Krissy is more annoyed with the fact that he's getting fingerprints on her Enzo Angilioni's than that he's trying to break her ankle, and angrily batters his face with her fist. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Unable to properly protect himself against her enraged strikes, TK has no choice but to untangle the busty beauty lest he wish himself a broken nose. Miss California determines he's taking much too long to get away from her, and angrily plants her heel into his head to shove him away. She crawls to the ropes, and uses the middle one to support her unsteady leg as she rises off the canvas. TKid takes a moment remap his gameplan, and once he has it in mind, ventures the ring with malicious intent. Catching the fitness queen unaware, he again plants his claws in her hair and hauls her away from the ropes. He drives his black leather boots into her ripped stomach, doubling her over in agony. Her weakened position allows him to coil his arm across her neck in a front facelock. “FALCON ARROW!” he shouts into the night, and the audience loudly boos the announcement of one of his signature holds. But the rage turns to happiness as Krista rifles his forearm straight into TK's um...thunderbolts. Instantly TKid releases his chains across Krista's neck and now hollers his misery to a roaring audience. COLE HAHAHAH! MONEYMAKER I can see why that would be hilarious to a man who pees sitting down. Don't doubt ThunderKid, this company has a higher turnover rate than a bed room pillow, and yet this OAOAST original has remained a constant for a reason. He's that talented. With the audience solidly behind her, Krissy tags the tag champ with three super fast chops before spinning around to slice her foot through his ribcage. However, TK makes a shocking recovery and catches hold of Krista's ankle. Wrought with panic, the Hollywood hottie puts forth her best efforts to hop free of his clutches. But TK refuses to relent on his grip and lifts her into the air for a shin breaker! But right as her gets her to the height of the move, Krista swings her limber legs across his neck, and as he hollers in horror, the ten million dollar pins launch him to the canvas with a spinning head scissors! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE ThunderKid doesn't often deal with high flyers, he mostly handles brawlers or technicians so this match is a definite shock to his system in more ways than one! ThunderKid is more dizzied than hurt, but either way the nausea inducing hold plants him on the canvas beneath the ropes. Krista massages her sore legs, trying to give them the strength needed to stand up. But out the corner of her eye she sees TK begin to stir and realizes she needs to get to her feet ASAP. Her hands coil around the ropes and again use them as leverage to rise. “KRISTA, LOOK!” a helpful audience member shouts. “Oh, honey, I don't look, I'm look at.” She complains. Perhaps if she was just a tiny bit less arrogant, the gorgeous covergirl might have seen TK approaching. However she did not, and he doubles her over with a forearm to the back. He further weakens her by aiming a pair of stomps towards her leg. As she hobbles in place under an incredible amount of pain, the tag team champion rushes to the ropes. They rebound him back and he rapidly slices his long legs through the air with a scissors kick. However, Krissy avoids a certain broken nose by swinging towards TK's side, and catching her arms around his neck. Within seconds a screaming and wailing TK is driven into the canvas by the Blonds Never Pay A Cover (side effect). “THUNDERKID SUCKS! THUNDERKID SUCKS! THUNDERKID!” “Oh no! How dare you say ThunderKid sucks! If you wanna make him mad, point out the white crap that's always on his lips.” COLE Ha-ha, burn! There goes the one percent chance you ever had with Jade, Mister Kid. MONEYMAKER What are you laughing about? Everytime you leave a public restroom you come out with white crap on your lips. COACH Will that be visa, Mastercard or Discover, 'cause yo ass just got charged! Sensitive to the “white crap” on lips aliment, TK quickly springs to his feet and stuns Krista by seizing her inside a front facelock. With a hand full of her skimpy serpent themed skirt he foists her into the sky for a vertical suplex. But the Hollywood starlet easily glides her body through his clutches, and lands behind him. Her arms snake around his waist, leading her to charge him towards the ropes. Her intention is to peel him down with a roll up, but TK frustrates Miss California by latching his brawny arms around the rope. Thrown off balance by the counter, Krista is sent rolling backwards. But she regains her bearings quickly enough to lash at her foe with a spinning wheel kick. The strike lands with deadly precession, and TK is launched over the ropes. The blood thirsty crowd prays for a catastrophic landing on the ringside mats, but are disappointed to see TKid awkwardly come down on the apron. COACH Yo I don't wanna hear any excuses for Jade about Malaysia being so much bigger and tougher than her. Newsflash for ya'll niggas: everyone Krista wrestles is bigger than her! ThunderKid is a hundred pounds bigger. If she wins and faces Cuban Wall next round, he's almost two hundred pounds bigger. Jade ain't got da skillz to pay da billz! TKid rolls himself into the ring and with great haste steps upright. Unfortunately he steps into a pair of blazing fast kicks to the ribcage. Miss California then launches him into the ropes with a leaping spin kick. The cables want nothing to do with him, however, and throw him back towards Krissy. She eagerly receives him by leaping into his chest and striking him with an inverted lung blower. Knocked breathless, he flops over to the mat. He hacks and wheezes like a chain smoker as he struggles to gain back his lost air. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Her hands glide through her silky blond mane, then journey down to the glistening bronze skin of her buxom figure, while her bumping and grinding hips mesmerize the lusting audience, both male and female into a sensual trance. But before Krista can execute any flashy offensive move, ThunderKID coils her arm around her leg and drags her down in a pinfall! ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Krista shoots her shoulder off the canvas, drawing out a large pop from the sold out audience. They're less enthused, however, to see TK take hold of her leg, and scramble on top of her in a Boston crab position. The pain is immediate and deep throated howls slide out of Krista's mouth in reaction. COLE This could be the end! MONEYMAKER This is the end. That Duncan legacy you spoke of, tarnished, mutilated, murdered, buried and crapped on all in two hours of sheer beauty. ThunderKid, welcome to the TSM board room! Lines of pain twist and contort her usually fetching face, but for once Krista is less concerned with beauty and more concerned with survival. She scrapes and claws her way towards the cables, trying to fight past TK's solid grip. Though he holds steady, she still manages to reach the bottom rope and holds onto it for salvation. TK isn't exactly willing to give her that salvation and continues to wrench at her badly worn leg. Hearing Krista's screams, the audience immediately gets on TK's case. Yet the only thing that gets him to release her is a threat of DQ from the referee. COLE ThunderKid not wanting his money in the bank hopes to be dashed by a foolish disqualification. Its kind of hard to go backstage and explain to your stablemates you get DQ'ed because ya can't follow a five count. Krista is still lying on that mat, a perfect target for the stomps TK delivers to her legs. Steeling herself against the anguish she attempts to crawl away from the assault, and heads towards the corner. The former North American champion merely stalks her path and continues to attack her legs with stomps. Despite the thudding blows that seemingly come rapid fire, Miss California manages to rise upright. But, there TK holds her in place by her hair and pound away at her head with closed fists. Again the fans admonish his treatment of their beloved celeb, but its still only the referee's warning that causes him to relent. He backpedals towards the center of the ring, salivating over the misery he's about to bring into Krista's world. His feet bounce back and forth and his hands twitch in a violent anticipation. When he can wait no longer he rushes at Krista with a body splash. Unfortunately the photojournalist all decided at once they need another picture of Krista. The flash of light is like a solar eclipse, totally blinding him and ruining his leap. Thus he misses the lovely babe entirely and crashes throat first onto the cables! “YEAAAAAA!” the audience roars as ThunderKid is almost brought to tears by the indescribable pain in his neck. “I just want to say before anyone complains about a guy on TV getting distracted by cameras that maybe we'd have a less crappy wrestlers if the republicans would fund the arts!” Krista informs us. COACH Ol triflin ass Jade. Probably still trynna get through “Who Was Ben Franklin” book from second grade. You show her a hundred dollar bill, and she say “oh dat dat nigga from the Diddy joint!” Maya need to slap the Duncan right out her name. ThunderKid stumbles backwards, dazed and having absolutely no idea how he failed to succeed with his body splash. That becomes the least of his worries when through blurred vision he notices Krista charging at him. He throws out a lariat in his defense, but she rolls beneath it and pops up in front of the ropes. Her high heels leap onto the second cable and her cherry lips throw a mocking kiss towards Moneymaker. While he throws a hissy fit, Krista throws herself back towards TK with a moonsault press! But TK carries himself bellow her descending body and the fans hold their breath expecting a gruesome crash. Thankfully the fitness queen comes down on the mat, though her weak leg has her hobbling just a tad. Regardless this is to TK's great consternation as he stomps the ground in an exhausted rage. Krista doesn't exactly help him focus, as she slaps the leather clad cheeks of her curvaceous tush jiggling the sumptuous flesh that rest grandly upon her gorgeous legs. TK loses all sense of thought and zips towards her location without any sort of offensive move on tap. She takes advantage of his gross error by falling to the canvas, tightening her ankles around his and bringing him down with a drop toe hold. TK at least is able to get his hands in front of his face to protect against the rough landing. But this defense does nothing to guard him against the standing 450 splash she slams into his back! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Rather than go for a pin, the Los Angelina allows TK to make a quick return to his feet. Unfortunately for him he's to disoriented and confused by the constant flashing of cameras to mount any sort of attack and instead groggily totters in place. He doesn't stay upright for very long before Krista coils her arm across his neck and holds her at his side. The audience roars for the oncoming Life In The Fab Lane (twist of fate), but before Krista can execute the move she has to make sure she has exactly seven strands of her in front of her right eye so that she looks her hottest. MONEYMAKER (screaming) Just hurry up! “Why are you always sweating me, gangstalicious? I'm sure if you look on the family tree, we kin, me you, Kuta Kinte, rerun from goodtimes, franklin from the peanuts, all one.” She whines back. Not giving TKid any more of an opportunity to escape, Krissy twirls her body around and spikes his head into the canvas with a twist of fate! The audience is ecstatic, and so are the photographers as Krista strikes another covergirl pose. Clutching his sore head, TK fights to his feet and uses his free hand to swing a punch at his Krista. But Miss California quickly slides behind TK, traps his arm then falls backwards to strike him with a side Russian leg sweep into a pinfall! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! The fans are enraged to see TK kick out and blast him with boos. He ignores their rage and hastily steps upright. But Krista is there to pounce on him with another side headlock in preparation for the Life In The Fab Lane. However, TKid places his hand on her sexy stomach and shoves her into the corner. His hopes that she'll endure a nasty back first collision are dashed when she gracefully reaches the second rope. Frustrated with her continued resurgence he charges forward to shove her from her perch. But, he plays right into Krista's plan, and the brazen beauty floors him with a corkscrew moonsault! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience chants while Krista playfully tousles her hair and pouts her lips for the delight of the photographers MONEYMAKER This match is like a special kind of crazy-glue that only works when used to affix my palm to my face. Why the hell does this keep happening to me? I go to church every once in a while, I don't kick puppies of certain breeds, and I don't discriminated against the coloreds...very often. While the audience continues to applaud Krista's turnaround, the recipient of their love covers TK for a fall... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! ThunderKid shoves his way out the pinfall! Despite the disappointing kickout the audience is still blaring with encouragement for Krista and they urge her to ascend to the top rope to finish off her foe. Krista shrugs her shoulders, figuring the opinion of people who have never wrestled a match in their life are far greater than her own hard earned instincts and begins walking to the ropes. Unnoticed by both her and the fans is that TK is actually tracking her path by rolling across the ring. And as she climbs onto the third rope he's already mere inches away from the posts. In a display of over exaggerated arrogance Krista flexes her pretty impressive muscles. But her latest attempt to play to the fans brings about considerable pain; TK springs off the mat and takes to the air and stuns her with a flipping dropkick! Her legs are taken out from beneath her and she plummets towards the canvas. There's a booming thud when she lands back first on the rock solid, wracked by a severe pain. MONEYMAKER Oh finally! Praise the blond haired, blued eyes white Jesus. Ashamed of his pagan roots in the Jewish teachings of Beelzebub he now targets the most prideful and unbecoming of all the Jews. Though not quite as anti-Semitic as Moneymaker, TK is equally as happy with the results of his kick. With a wide smile on his otherwise weary face he drags the fitness queen to the center of the ring and hooks her leg for crucial fall... ONE! COACH Yo, this is it! TWO! Krista kicks out of the fall, which brings forth a mammoth cheer from the now standing audience. TK sits in shock, his mouth held agape, unable to find the words to formulate his disbelief. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COLE The fans are standing up for Krista, and even though he's sitting down Moneymaker is standing to! Grabbing hold of Krista's boobilicious tank top, an exasperated TK brings the walk of famer to her feet. With a roughness increased by frustration he shoves her into a front facelock. The fans are abuzz and loud with worry and fright for they know this is the prelude to the Thunderbolt DDT! Even those who hold out hope for Krista find it dashed from the gritty look of determination on TK's face. COACH Its a comin, baby! Lightening bout to strike tonight, two members of the DA into the second round, and just one more to go! TK begins lifting her into the air finding absolutely no resistance in his efforts. And that's why he finds it so shocking when she slips out his hold with an all too casual ease! “YEAAAAA!” TK would love to turn around and paste Krista with a closed fist. There's just the nagging problem of her hands being tightened beneath his chin. A humongous pop fills the arena as the audience is delightfully aware of the move that's soon to come. MONEYMAKER Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. That's one Hail Mary that won't go heard by the lord and his servants, as Krista drops herself and her rival to the canvas with the famous Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse x-factor) “YEAAAAA!” the spectators scream as all the life is immediately rocked from TK's face. MONEYMAKER Elizabeth I'm coming to, because I really am having a heart attack! Smirking coolly and comfortably Krista reaches forward and hooks onto her defeated rival's leg. The referee and an overjoyed audience count the fall... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! COACH And all is normal in the land of the Duncans. With gigantic cheers rolling down from the rafters, Krista leaps to her fight and rushes to the ropes. She leans over the cables and beams an enchanting smile to her loving fans, which is of course captured by the legion of photographers on the outside. Elsewhere ThunderKid lies on the canvas, besieged by grief over his missing out on a guaranteed world title shot. With a weak almost whining voice he pleads with the officially to find it within him to restart the contest. Of course there's no way this is happening, so TK just flops onto his back and tries to come to grips with his defeat. This isn't made any easier with Krista standing over him and singing “I get money, money is got. I get money, money is got (I I get it) I get money, money is got (Yeah) Money I got, money is got! COLE And we have new second round brackets! In addition to Reject meeting Leon, Krista Isadora Duncan, Moneymaker secret crush, will meet with former 24/7 champion Cuban Wall. What a clash of styles and sizes that will be. MONEYMAKER What a mess of blood, bones and overpriced cosmetics that will be when Wall leaves her flatter than her daughter's chest. Krista may have eeked out a lucky victory tonight, but luck will only carry you so far, and it certainly won't carry her past a man made monster in Wall. Say what you will about Krista's legacy, and her ongoing winning streak, and I will counter with simple reality. Cuban Wall is a beast, uncontrollable, untameable, and it is Krista who will suffer between his hands. I have put up the prize for Krista's head, and now it is up to Wall to mount it over my mantle. With that doom filled predication Moneymaker walks off with held high. As he passes by the ring, Krista gives him a friendly wave before slowly converting that wave into a middle finger! COLE And don't let the door hit ya pimply ass on the way out! Tough luck for ThunderKid though, and you know he's in for some playful ribbing from Reject when he gets backstage. On the bright side, now that he's been beaten, insulted, and humiliated by her mother, TK is probably free to date Jade if so interested. Folks, next week on HeldDOWN we'll have first round MITB action with Baron Windells against Alfdogg and Bohemoth meeting up with Mister Dick! GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LOVIN!

Fade in to a darkened locker room. The NEW OAOAST President/General Manager, JOSIE BAKER!~ sits with her feet propped up on her desk, a cigarette burning in the ashtray next to her. Sitting on her other side, is femme fatale and Affirmative Action lawyer, Sophie Grey. JOSIE Sophie, read that last bit back to me... SOPHIE "... en outre, il est dans ma puissance d'attribuer et abandonner des projectiles de titre, aussi bien que des titres, de n'importe quel lutteur qui essaye de croiser ou double croix je. Il withing le meilleur intérêt de la compagnie pour que." JOSIE Perfect. SOPHIE Est-ce que je dois distribuer ceci aux employés, Madame Baker? JOSIE Yeah, send that out. Make sure everyone gets one. SOPHIE Oui, patron. -Suddenly, a knock is heard at the door. Sophie looks at Josie, who in return, looks at her French cousin. SOPHIE Attendez-vous quelqu'un? JOSIE No, not at all...COME IN! -The door opens slowly, and in walks... TWO GUYS IN BUSINESS SUITS!!! They sit down on the opposite side of the desk. JOSIE ...Please, sit. MAN #1 Mrs. Baker, I'm Jobe Bowerstock, and this is my associate, Michael Adams. JOSIE Howdy. What can I do for you? SOPHIE Est-ce que je peux vous obtenir deux quelque chose? L'eau? Liquor? BOWERSTOCK ...What? -Josie smiles a small grin, taking a drag off her cigarette. JOSIE She asked if she could get you guys anything. Water or liquor. ADAMS Bourbon. JOSIE ...Bourbon what? -Adams and Bowerstock glance at each other quizzically. ADAMS I beg your pardon? JOSIE She's not a barmaid, Mike. She's my lawyer, liaison, and cousin. Show some manners. -Josie is unfuckwithable. ADAMS Oh...B-Bourbon, please. JOSIE Thank you. Mr. Bowerstock? BOWERSTOCK Oh, nothing for me. Thank you. -Josie nods her head and turns to Sophie. JOSIE Juste un bourbon, Sophie. Vous pouvez cracher dans lui si vous voulez. -Sophie smiles a wicked grin as she nods and walks off. Adams stares at her ass as she does this. Bowerstock, attempting to break the tension, speaks. BOWERSTOCK How's your little girl? JOSIE Thank you for asking. ADAMS We heard she's ill. Is there anything we can do? JOSIE "Thanks for asking" is enough...Now...what can I do you for, gentlemen? -Bowerstock presents a briefcase and lays it on the desk. BOWERSTOCK To be quite blunt, Mrs. Baker...we'd like to make you an offer for the companies you run. JOSIE ADAMS First and foremost, we'd like to make you an offer on your Coyote Hills Fed. JOSIE And that is? BOWERSTOCK Half a million. JOSIE That's a deal. Next? -Bowerstock leans in while Adams smirks. BOWERSTOCK ...We want the OAOAST. -Josie just stares. Her eyes, in a steely glare, are locked on Bowerstock's. JOSIE ...Do you now? BOWERSTOCK What we're prepared to offer you - YOU, just you - is enough so you, your husband, and your daughter will never have to work another day in your life. -Just then, Sophie walks back in, carrying the bourbon. Her eyes look worried as she glances at Josie. SOPHIE Est-ce que je dois les escorter dehors, Madame Baker? JOSIE Il est très bien, Sophie. Je peux manipuler ceci. -A brief, awkward silence fills the room. Josie lights up another cigarette. BOWERSTOCK We'll make you a multi-millionaire while you're sitting here from one minute to the next. JOSIE What else would I do with myself? BOWERSTOCK Are you asking me? JOSIE What else would I do with myself? BOWERSTOCK Take care of your daughter. I don't know what you would do. JOSIE If you were me and two guys came in and offered to buy what you had for millions of dollars, why? So, why? BOWERSTOCK You know why. JOSIE Yeah, you guys need to scratch around in the dirt and find it like the rest of us instead of buying up someone else's hard work. -Adams starts to get defensive. ADAMS I've scratched around in the dirt, ma'am. BOWERSTOCK What are you going to do with it all? What? Announce some high-profile title matches, make a deal with SJPW, be my guest. But if you can't pull it off, you got a worldwide phenomenon of a wrestling federation with nowhere to go. Why not turn it over to us? We'll make you rich. You spend time with your husband and daughter. It's a great fed... Now let us help you. -Josie's glare returns. She remains silent for a few moments. JOSIE Did you just tell me how to run my family? BOWERSTOCK It might be more important now that you've proven the talent and we're offering to buy you out. -Josie continues to glare at Bowerstock, who's shit eating grin would piss off anybody. JOSIE One night, I'm gonna come to you, inside of your house, wherever you're sleeping, and I'm going to cut your throat. BOWERSTOCK What? What are you taking about? Have you gone crazy? JOSIE Did you hear what I said? BOWERSTOCK I heard what you said, why did you say it? JOSIE You don't tell me about my family. BOWERSTOCK Why are you acting insane and threatening to cut my throat? JOSIE You don't tell me about my husband and daughter. BOWERSTOCK I'm not telling you anything! I'm asking you to be reasonable, if I've offended you I apologize! -Josie leans in, her eyes never leaving Bowerstocks. JOSIE You'll see what I can do. -With that, Josie leans back and wipes her nose. In an instant, COMPTON PD!~ are in the room. 9-Mill grabs Adams, while Cash Money grabs Bowerstock. They lift the men out of their seats and drag them towards the door. BOWERSTOCK What?! Let go of me! -Sophie stands and closes the door, a small smile on her gorgeous face. SOPHIE Petites chattes. -Josie leans back in her chair, the anger ever present in her eyes. JOSIE Little cunts indeed, Sophie. -FADE TO BLACK COMING UP NEXT MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH 1st Time Ever: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THUNDERKID NEXT!

Rock the Casbah by Trust Company hits, and Leon Rodez makes his way through the curtains to a massive pop. COLE And we're ready for yet another first-time ever matchup, as the Heartland title is on the line! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger, hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD..."SILKY SMOOTH" LLLLLLLLLLLEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! COLE This match made after last week's ambush in the parking lot by Sandman9000... *cue replay* COLE You see Leon and Reject going at it here in the parking lot, and RIGHT THERE, Sandman from behind with that kendo stick, and Leon, already sporting scars from being in War Games just four days prior, also needing to have the back of his head stitched up after that shot! COACH Leon brought it on himself, Cole! Leon physically provoked Reject after he had just got back from a dinner date...or at least that was Maggie's story! COLE Yeah...a date with Leon's girlfriend, you overbearing ass. COACH And? Leon's own sister even said, Leon needed to be reminded of what he had! Leon waits intently in the ring, as the lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER His opponent...hailing from South of Heaven, weighing in at 220 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...representing the Deadly Alliance...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSANDMMMMAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE Sandman9000, going on his tenth month as the Heartland champion, the longest reign in the history of the company, and matching the longest current title reign in the OAOAST, actually winning it on the same night that Colombian Heat won the U.S. title! COACH Yeah, and someone needs to put a stop to that! The assertion that that chump Heat could even sniff the jockstrap of Sandman9000 is ludicrous! This guy right here is a legend of our sport! COLE Well, there's no denying that, Sandman9000, an OAOAST Original, has been a great cornerstone for the Heartland division, but Heat has been no slouch in defending his U.S. title, either! Sandman rolls in the ring, and rips the bandanas from his face, looking right into Leon's eyes from afar the whole time. COLE Sandman with a look that would strike fear into the hearts of most men, but not Leon Rodez! This man is ready! Sandman hands his belt to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Sandman and Leon circle the ring, then tie up. Sandman quickly breaks, and throws a right hand at Leon, who returns fire! Both men exchange punches, until Sandman goes to a knee to the gut, then rams Leon into the turnbuckle. Sandman hammers away on Leon in the corner, then whips him across the ring. He charges, but Leon moves out of the way! COLE No one home on that attempt by Sandman9000! Leon moves Sandman into the corner, and climbs onto the middle rope, hammering away as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Leon hops down, and dropkicks a staggering Sandman, who falls through the middle ropes to the floor! Leon meets him out there when he runs to the ropes, and dives through the first and middle ropes with a dropkick! COLE What a dropkick right there be Leon Rodez! Leon plays to the crowd, which responds positively, then stomps away on Sandman. He picks Sandman up, and rams him face-first into the steel steps! Sandman staggers around the side of the ring towards the timekeeper's table, and Leon sneaks up from behind and shoves him into the table! COACH I gotta say, Leon has been impressive so far, the way he's handling Sandman out on the floor! Sandman attempts to pull himself out of the pile of junk, and Leon goes over to help him out. However, when he does, Sandman turns around and whacks him with the ring bell! COLE But Sandman had a trick up his sleeve right there, drilling Leon with that ring bell! Leon holds his head in pain, then checks the wound on his forehead, which surprisingly was not re-opened. Sandman picks up Leon, and rolls him back inside, then grabs a chair from the fallen timekeeper's table. COACH Uh-oh, Leon's made Sandman mad now! He rolls inside, then waits for Leon to get to his feet, and WHACKS the chair right on Leon's forehead! COACH DAY-UM~! Sandman slams the chair to the mat, and this time, the wound of Leon is re-opened. COLE And that VILE CHAIRSHOT~ has re-opened that head wound that Leon suffered during WarGames! Sandman grabs the chair again. COACH And he's gonna do it again, Cole! Sandman raises the chair up, but Leon brings both hands together up into the crotch of Sandman, then pulls himself to his feet and delivers a DDT onto the chair! COLE And a nice recovery by Leon! Leon grabs the chair, then backs into a corner. He runs across, then jumps into the air, putting the chair underneath his legs, and coming down onto the face of Sandman! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Leon hammers away with right hands as Sandman lays on the mat, then stomps away until Sandman is forced to the outside. Leon follows Sandman to the ropes, and slingshots himself over the top. Sandman sidesteps him, and Leon lands on his feet, only to be leveled with a clothesline! COLE Nice move there by Leon landing on his feet, but he got caught! Sandman picks up Leon and tosses him over the guardrail into the crowd, and follows him out. COLE And we're taking it into the crowd here in Birmingham! Sandman and Leon exchange blows, with Sandman getting the better of the exchange, then setting up the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS on the concrete! COACH Oh man, this will be it for Leon if he hits this, maybe for good! However, Leon blocks, and backdrops Sandman on the concrete! COLE Leon thankfully able to avoid that move! Leon kicks Sandman through the crowd, and Sandman scrambles back over the guardrail towards the ring. Leon follows, grabbing a trash can on his way. He tosses the can to Sandman, then dropkicks it into his face! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Leon picks up Sandman, and executes a backbreaker, then goes back outside...coming back in with a BARBED-WIRE BASEBALL BAT~! COLE And now the heavy artillery is starting to come out! Leon rolls in, waiting for Sandman to get to his feet, then swings...but Sandman ducks, and catches Leon with a back suplex onto the garbage can! COACH Nice suplex! Sandman covers while simultaneously grabbing the bat out of Leon's reach... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman seizes control of the bat, stopping to gaze at it longingly. COLE That is a sick man we're looking at. COACH For once, Cole...I agree with you. And I love it! Sandman grabs the bat with two hands just below where the barbed wire starts, and starts digging in to Leon's open wound! COLE And look at this! Barbed wire right into that gash on Leon's head! Leon yells in pain, as Sandman releases he bat, and chokes Leon back down. Sandman then hops to the second ropes, and attempts a SENTON SPLASH...but Leon moves out of the way, then grabs the bat! Sandman gets up, and Leon clotheslines him in the face with it! COLE And now it's Sandman tasting the barbed wire! Leon dances around Sandman as he gets to his feet, then delivers a jab! Then another! A third! a fourth! Leon then turns around and blows a kiss to the crowd, before drilling Sandman with an enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT~!!! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COACH But not enough to keep Sandman down! Leon then backs to one corner of the ring, and comes running across, holding each end of the bat, driving it down into Sandman's head! Leon keeps the bat there, and digs into Sandman's cut, then stomps him to the outside. Leon makes his way over to the announcers' table, and begins to pick it apart. COACH Here goes our table, Cole! Leon drags Sandman onto the table, and sets up a piledriver! COLE And now Leon going for the piledriver! However, Sandman blocks, and backdrops Leon, causing the table to break and fall out from under both men! COLE Both men out of it on the floor after going through our announce position! The crowd applauds as both men lay in the table wreckage, then Sandman starts to pull to his feet. He grabs Leon and shoves him back inside, then sets up the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COACH This is it, Cole! But Leon counters, and sets up a slingshot, sending Sandman into the ringpost! He catches him on the way back with a BLUE THUNDER BOMB~! COLE IT'S DA BOOM! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COACH And again Sandman kicks out! Sandman rolls to the outside, and Leon follows, delivering right hands. He then sets up an Irish whip, but Sandman reverses, sending Leon into the steep steps! COLE Leon Rodez crashing into those steel stairs! Sandman then grabs the stairs, picking them up overhead, and tosses them onto the back of Leon! COLE And right on the back now, oh my! Sandman tosses Leon back inside, then slides in and grabs the bat. COLE Now he's got the bat again... Sandman brings the bat into the gut of Leon, then drops it on the mat, and delivers a DDT ONTO THE BAT~! COACH That's got to be it! 1... 2... NO!!! Leon gets the shoulder up! COACH I can't believe this. COLE Leon Rodez refusing to give up! Sandman rolls Leon onto his back, and lays the bat onto his crotch, as the crowd collectively groans. Sandman then picks up the feet of Leon, and STOMPS THE BAT~! COLE COACH Looks like no little Melodys for Leon! COLE Oh, stop it! Sandman looks out to the crowd for a second, then grabs his own crotch and feigns a brief limp, drawing boos. He then rolls out, and pulls out...a WEED WHACKER~! COLE Oh, no. Even for a Heartland match, this is a little much! As Leon pulls himself to his feet, Sandman slides inside and attempts to start the appliance. Before he can, however, riot guards are sent out from the back and stand in front of him! COLE Thank God, we have some security out here to stop this! Sandman is hesitant to give away the weapon, but winds up turning his back to Leon, who sneaks up from behind with a low blow! COLE And a low blow from Leon Rodez! Leon drags Sandman over to the bat, and executes a TIGER DRIVER~! onto it! Leon then looks outside, and jumps out, chasing down the riot guard holding the weed whacker, and snatches it from him, then heads back! COLE And now Leon has the weed whacker! Security needs to get back to the ring right now! Leon slides back in and holds the weed whacker in the air, but as he tries to start it, the tallest riot guard slides in and, in one motion, drops Leon with a move looking very much like the EULOGY~! (probably because it is, but his identity is concealed, you know.) COLE WAIT A MINUTE! COACH What? You said you wanted it stopped, and the riot guard came in and stopped it! COLE No mistaking that maneuver, it's obvious who was under that helmet! The guard stares down Leon, as another good-sized guard floors a third incoming guard with a BICYCLE KICK! COLE I can't believe this! The two mysterious guards run back down the aisle, as Sandman has come to, dragging Leon to his feet, and drilling him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COLE And there's the Acrhangel's Wings! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And Sandman retains his title, thanks to an obviously disguised Reject! COACH Now wait a minute, you can't prove that! BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSANDMMMMAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE It's obvious to me and everyone else in this arena, except of course for the dumb fuck sitting next to me, that those were Thunderkid and Reject under those masks! COACH We have no proof that it was them, and we have no way of knowing who would have won that match had that not happened! COLE Sandman retains tonight, but Reject is gonna get his when he meets Leon Rodez in the second round of the Money in the Bank tournament! COACH Reject already got his, from Leon's girl! COLE Oh, will you stop it? COMMERCIAL

After another very long commercial break we return to live action with a view on sofa central. Coach is relaxing with an issue of HIGH TIMES Magazine with The Christ Air Express on the cover, leaving the non pothead, Cole, to welcome us back. COLE Earlier tonight we were scheduled to see Todd Cortez in singles competition, but the ki-bosh was well and truly put on that by Landon Maddix. We understand that Josh Matthews is now standing by with Landon and the rest of the members of Cucaracha Internacional, let's go back and hope we can get some more information. Josh? We cut to Josh and the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional, which do not include Todd Cortez, at the interview sports lounge kinda thing that Patty decribed a couple of weeks ago! MATTHEWS Landon Maddix... MADDIX Woah woah, hang on a second. When the hell did we get this place? MATTHEWS A little while ago. MADDIX You're kidding? Right? I've been cutting interview in front of a blank wall for years and there's been all this set up, every HeldDOWN~!, every week? And nobody told me about it? That is bogus! MATTHEWS Uhm, yes. Now, Landon, if we could talk about what happened earlier on. Distracted by all the video screens, Landon clearly doesn't hear Josh's question. MADDIX Yeah, that's whatever you were talking about alright. Now, let's talk about something of more pressing importance. See I predicted boldly that War Games was going to mark the explosion onto the OAOAST scene for Cucaracha Internacional. And it didn't work out that way, due solely to internal sabotage in the camp. Todd Cortez made his bed. And as I told him earlier, he's damn sure gonna lie in it until he does something to redeem himself to me. No more Mr. Nice Landon. Landon once again milks the injuries he may or may not be still carrying and the bandage on his head that he definately is. MADDIX Much as I'm determined to deal with the aftermath of what happened, I'm determined to look forward to the future. We still hold the World 6-Man Tag Team Championships. We proved the dominance we possess between us when we shed the blood of Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez and the rest at The Great Angle Bash. And now, we're looking ahead. Defeat in War Games didn't beat me before. It drove me. It strengthened my resolve. It turned me into the champion I would soon become. And history will repeat itself soon, because finally I've got a shot again. In the Money In The Bank Tournament. And so has this man, Faqu! Stepping forward, Faqu beats his chest menacingly. MADDIX The World Heavyweight Championship and $500,000 on the line and everybody knows, the last time somebody held Money In The Bank, it was me. The last time somebody cashed in Money In The Bank, it was me. And the last time somebody used that contract to win the World Title, well, that was me too! Small wonder. It doesn't really matter if it's me or if it's Faqu. In the end, when we do it all over again and bring the World Title home, then everybody will sit up and take notice again. Cucaracha Internacional will ride high in the OAOAST where we belong. And there'll be no Todd Cortez to stop me this time. There'll be... Landon suddenly trails off upon seeing the members of THE ENTERPRISE crashing the interview set! An air of tension rises between the two groups as they square up. Theodore Moneymaker steps out in front of his followers and things calm down a little. MONEYMAKER My apologies for interrupting, gentlemen. But I've got to take some issue here. MADDIX Yeah well you needn't bother, we didn't know about this place either. MONEYMAKER Wha... nevermind. No, infact I'd like to take issue with these predictions you're making and advise you not to write cheques you won't be able to cash without $500,000 burning your pockets. See you've been very vocal these past few weeks, Mr. Maddix. You've been claiming to anyone that'll listen than Cucaracha Internacional is to prove itself the best and most dominant force in the OAOAST. Moneymaker turns back at the sounds of sniggers from Ned and Simon in particular. MONEYMAKER And yet, every time you say that, you go out and do something in the ring to renege on those big words. You lost The Match Of Champions. You lost War Games. Face facts, you're nowhere near being the most powerful force in the OAOAST. Because, where-as you fellows are big on the promises and not so big on following through with them, The Enterprise are the ones changing the very DNA of the OAOAST! MADDIX So you had a say in who the new authority figure is around here. Big whoop. I actually run a wrestling company, remember. The Enterprise send up more sniggers and more scowling looks fire back from Landon and co. MONEYMAKER How very dear. Tell me Landon, this Money In The Bank Tournament, have you had anything like this in your company? Or do your straight to DVD shows not make the kind of money I, Theodore Moneymaker, have donated to this tournament? I rather suspect that's the case. MADDIX Please. So you threw some money around and somebody took your idea. Big whoop. You're not running anything, you're just a benefactor. Who's really going to benefit in the end. The guy who wins it and the person who's actually running things. Last I checked, neither of those are you. MONEYMAKER And what makes you think you will be Landon? Need I remind you that your first round match in the tournament will be against The Enterprise's financial guru, Christian Wright? CW steps forward, to a shrug from Landon. MONEYMAKER What luck! I guess we'll have the chance see which group really is the power and dominance around here in New York City, won't we? MADDIX Let me save you the trouble. My hired muscle is more dangerous than your hired muscle. My manager is hotter than yours and isn't a closet lesbian. My tag team have gold around their waist, where-as yours can't even hold onto their own talk show in a company with about six of the damn things! And at least my protege is a complete and utter failure because of my doing, instead of in spite of it like yours! Oh, and I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion and the Commissioner of the SWF. You're trying your best to run this place and win a belt but neither's quite happened yet. You're a trier. That's admirable. As the smiles rise on the faces of Landon, Black and Blonde, Moneymaker steams a little. MONEYMAKER You're a confident man Landon. Confidence is an admiral trait, but falce confidence is just an annoyance. So I have a little proposal for you. Let's not wait until The Big Apple Spectacular, shall we? How about next week, we test our troops. Let the actions speak for the words. I'll hand-pick one of my Enterprise and you can can choose any of your Cucaracha International colleagues, for a one on one match. MADDIX Sounds good to me. MONEYMAKER Who knows, maybe I'll give you a first-hand example of why The Enterprise is so revered around these parts. MADDIX Well I was probably going to do that via your lackey the week after anyway, but yeah, who knows. Still steamed up a little, Moneymaker clicks his fingers and his Enterprise colleauges follow him out of the set, all except CPA who's locked in a staredown with Faqu. The two bigmen of the groups are finally prised apart as Moneymaker calls CPA off, Faqu grunting away as Landon smirks to himself. COLE Looks like some extra meaning just got added to the opening round bout between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright at the Big Apple Spectacular! But there's an equally huge match coming up as Leon Rodez meets Sandman9000 for the first time for the Heartland Title! COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT HEARTLAND TITLE LEON RODEZ VS SANDMAN9000 NEXT

OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BUY Seeway Motors-You deserve a better tomorrow Step Up 2: The Streets-Now on DVD Visa-Life Takes Visa "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratelli's does not get a favorable reaction from this crowd when it hits, as the music of the 27 year old British upstart Nathaniel Black has come to draw ire from the OAOAST fanbase. COLE This promises to be an interesting contest, and it's a first time matchup for the OAOAST. Though they met nearly two weeks ago in the War Games, Zack Malibu and Nathaniel Black have never been one on one with each other in an OAOAST ring! COACH I can tell you why, too, Cole...because Zack Malibu knows that Nathaniel Black is forging a one man revolution in the OAOAST, looking to prove that he is England's supreme talent and that he's gonna take the States by storm! Flashing the "V" sign, Black taunts the viewing audience through the camera on his way to the ring, and does so to ringside fans as well as he hops into the squared circle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall! Now entering the ring, hailing from London, England...he weighs in tonight at two hundred and thirty eight pounds, and is currently one third of the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Champions...this is NAAAAAAAAATHANIEELLLLL BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAACK! Black hops up on the ropes, working his heelish magic to the crowd as only he can, as he awaits the arrival of his opponent...and when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, all eyes are off of the World Six Man Tag Team Champion and on the entranceway! BUFFER His opponent, hailing from Providence, Rhode Island, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds...ZAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Through the pyro shower comes the former World Champion greeted with a warm response from the crowd and a scowl from his opponent! Focused as always, Malibu makes his way to the ring slapping a select few hands, all the while keeping an eye on his opponent. COLE Malibu's going to have to have eyes in the back of his head tonight, because knowing Black's comrades, they're bound to get involved somehow. COACH First of all Cole, none of them are Russian, so what's with the comrade business? Secondly, Nathaniel Black is simply out to prove himself, and prove that his fellow Internationally Known superstars know what they're talking about when they say that Malibu has had a hard time facing the fact that there are others coming up in the ranks that are going to outshine him! DING! DING! DING! Collar and elbow tie-up to start, with both men battling for dominance. Black wins that war, hooking Zack in a side headlock, but soon finds himself heading towards the ropes as Zack pushes him off. Black bounces back, causing Zack to leapfrog over him, and that's when Black stops short. When Zack turns around he has a boot driven into his gut, then gets grabbed in a headlock again, this time taken over to the canvas! Black segues into a rear chinlock, but Malibu rather easily forces himself and his opponent back to a standing base. Zack hooks Black by the waist and lifts him off his feet, but Black rolls over Zack's shoulder, landing on his feet! He hooks Malibu in a rear waistlock, but Zack elbows his way free, then uses his own and takes Black to the canvas! Zack tries to tie up Black, but the brash Britain native is quick to his feet, scrambling away from Zack and causing a stalemate! COACH See that, Mikey Cole? Not bad, not bad at all. COLE I know Nathaniel's got the talent, Coach. Don't act like I said he didn't. Lockup #2 takes place after the stalemate, with Zack winning out this time, using an arm wrench and then pinning the arm behind the back in a hammerlock. Black swings an elbow back to try and drive Zack off of him, but Malibu ducks the shot, keeping the arm trapped behind Black's back even as he's facing him now. Black clubs Zack across the back with his free arm, releasing himself from the hold, then sends Zack to the ropes, catching him with a hiptoss on the rebound! Black hits the ropes and comes off with a running lariat, but Malibu ducks it, sending Black across the ring as he continues to run the ropes...which sends him right into a hiptoss by Zack! Malibu reaches down to pull him up, but Black kicks off, sending Zack down to the canvas. Both men roll to their feet and lock up again, each once again trying to win the advantage over the other. As they jockey for position they wind up close to the ropes, and when Zack winds up trapping Black in the corner, the wily superstar sticks a leg through the ropes, bringing the referee over to have to break! COLE Smart move there by Black, able to get Zack off of him by having the ref call for the rope break. Zack backs off, while Black smiles and points to his head, as if he's just solved a quantum physics equation. The two superstars circle each other again, but this time as they move closer to tie up, Black drives a knee into Zack's stomach, doubling him over! A series of forearms follows, culminating in a European uppercut that knocks Zack off his feet! Black pulls Zack up and then puts him right back down, dropping him with a body slam before coming off the ropes with a knee drop that misses! Zack rolls out of the way and comes up, immediately firing off kicks to the knee that just struck the hard ring surface, but Black manages to snare Zack's leg before another kick hits, then takes his other one out from under him! With Zack's legs hooked, Black drives the sole of his boot into Zack's stomach, then catapults him over the top rope! COACH There he goes! Zack goes over, but manages to hang on, and skins the cat back inside...but Black sees him doing so, and yanks him down into the ring, then drops him with a back suplex! Black comes off the ropes, and the kneedrop finds its mark this time, as Malibu then finds himself trapped in a pinning predicament! ONE! KICKOUT! COLE Zack got out of that one, but I will again give credit where it is due...Nathaniel Black has not allowed himself to be surprised by Malibu, and is staying on him as best he can, not wanting to give Zack that "in" that will help him mount an offense. Black brings Zack up, then shoves him into the corner before following up with a running shoulderblock that doubles Zack over! Black goes and brings Zack up, rocking him with another hard European uppercut before sending him across the ring. Zack collides with the opposite corner, and Black responds by hitting a running forearm smash, then brings Zack out and takes him to the canvas with a gutwrench suplex. Black then sits up next to his foe and looks over at him, then slaps him across the face while he recovers from being assaulted! COACH Haha, look at this now! Nathaniel Black showing Zack Malibu what's up! COLE I think any amount of respect Nathaniel Black wants to earn is going to be discredited with tactics like that. Black brings Zack up and shoves him into the ropes, catching him as he rebounds with a side slam that once again puts Zack in the position of looking up at the lights. Black then comes up and delivers a hard stomp to the ribs once again, then pulls Zack up and locks him in an abdominal stretch. With Zack trapped in the hold, Black hits several forearms across the ribs, inflicting further damage to that region, then keeps Zack set in the hold, putting the strain on. Zack struggles to manuever out of the hold, finally doing so by hiptossing Black to the canvas! The brash Brit quickly rises up off of the mat, but a standing dropkick from Zack puts him right back down! Malibu then moves towards him, backing him into the ropes upon recovery and firing him off, catching him with another dropkick! As Black gets flustered, Malibu leaps up onto his shoulders and snaps him over with a huracanrana! Zack then runs the ropes and comes back with a running lariat, but Black ducks it! Zack keeps racing to the far side, coming off again and running right into a powerslam by Black...that gets countered at the last second when Malibu arm drags Nathaniel over! Black scrambles to his feet, but a lariat finally finds its mark and dumps him over the top rope, sending him to the floor as the crowd wildy cheers for their sentimental favorite! COLE A great technical showing so far, but the resilience of Zack Malibu has gotten under the skin of Nathaniel Black! Black puts his hands on his hips, glaring harshly back in the ring at the man who awaits his re-entry. Looking out to the crowd, Black doesn't see many supporters admist the diehard Zack Malibu fans, and jumps back up on the apron before getting back into the ring, walking right up to Zack and shoving him violently! COACH Someone is done playin' games! Zack shoves right back, and before you know it the two are tangled up once again, jockeying for position. Black places his leg behind Zack's, gaining leverage and forcing Malibu into a bridge...but Malibu allows himself to be pushed to the mat, using it to his advantage as he monkey flips Black over! Zack then rolls through into a mounted position, striking Black with a pair of elbows before he's shoved off! Both men come up, and as Black approaches he's rocked by a right hand, then staggered by a series of chops before he's sent into the ropes. Black runs right into Zack, who plants him with an inverted atomic drop, then hooks Black as he's doubled over and takes him down with a butterfly suplex! Zack then goes to pull Black up, but Black uses a double leg takedown to pull Zack to the mat! The egotistical Englishman then looks to drop an elbow, but Zack rolls out of the way just in time, causing him to come up short! Zack fires off some leg kicks as Black gets up to keep him off balance, but Black catches a leg, only for Zack to strike with an enzugiri! Black doesn't fall, but he's rocked by the blow, and as he turns away Zack rushes up behind him and hooks a rear waistlock, but quickly gets snapmared over by Black, who then runs the ropes and comes off with a low kick...that Zack catches! A dragon screw follows, and Zack attempts to segue into the figure four...but as he tries tying up Nathaniel's legs, he gets hooked with a small package! ONE! T-KICKOUT! COLE After so much back and forth, the first pinfall of the match, but it wasn't enough for Nathaniel Black to prove himself to be the better man! Both men come up, with Black snatching Zack by the wrist and attempting to send him to the corner...but Zack puts on the brakes and sends Black into the opposite corner, then follows up with a diving splash that sandwiches his opponent against the ropes! Zack then climbs the ropes and hammers away, drilling Black with punches as the crowd counts along in unison! Zack gets a full ten count before stepping down and sending a weakened Black across the ring, and watches as his back smashes into the buckles. Zack then gathers momentum and runs across the ring, leaping off his feet for a ZACK ATTACK II...but Nathaniel Black drops and rolls out of the ring at the last second! COACH Smart man! Atta boy, Nate Dawg! Zack manages to catch himself on the middle rope, and watches as Black paces around the ringside area, avoiding contact with The Franchise. Angered by the cowardly tactic, Zack hops over the ropes and onto the apron, running across it and attacking with an Apron Run Diving Clothesline as soon as Black turns around (but before he knows what's coming!). COLE Vintage Malibu, and Nathaniel Black didn't get the break he thought he was getting! Immediately, Zack pulls Black up and rolls him into the ring, making the international star live up to his word and face him one on one, rather than run away. Zack hops up on the apron, but as he goes back into the ring Black gets up and runs over, kicking the middle rope into Zack's groin! COLE C'mon now! Zack is hurting, and that enables Black to bring him into the ring, then drop him across his knee with a gutbuster! Zack holds his ribs, then crawls on all fours, but Black stands over him, dropping his weight down onto Zack's back, then pulling his head up and striking him with crossface blows! COACH Zack wanted a challenge, and that's exactly what he's getting! Black drags Zack up, but Malibu breaks away and hits a European uppercut out of desperation, dazing Black! Nathaniel shakes the blow off and responds with one of his own, which Zack absorbs before striking with ANOTHER European uppercut, only to have THAT returned with one from Black! COLE It's a standoff! They're trading uppercuts like they're going out of style! The fans get involved in this too, shouting "YAY!" when Zack strikes, and "BOO!" when Black does! The series of shots continues, as Zack matches Black blow for blow, but each man refuses to go down! Finally, Black manages to hit two in a row, staggering Zack, but Malibu follows up with one more of his own, then scoops Black up onto his shoulders and starts twirling himself around with an airplane spin! COACH He's making ME dizzy! Round and round they go, as the crowd goes wild. Malibu keeps turning and turning, going through what seems like an endless series of rotations before dropping Black onto his feet. Both men are barely standing, both trying to regain their balance, and that's when Zack hits one more European uppercut which knocks Black off his feet and enables Zack to fall right on top of him for the pin! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Black kicks out, but the crowd is applauding loudly, impressed with the scene they just witnessed. Zack leads Black up, but catches a jawbreaker for his troubles, then gets taken over with a suple...NO! Zack slides out and hooks him for a German suplex, but as he lifts Black floats over Zack, lands behind him, and then hits a German of his own! ONE! TWO! NO! NO! Black breaks the bridge after the referee taps him, warning him of Zack's kickout. Black comes to his feet and scowls at the ref, a look that drives the referee away as Zack gets brought to his feet by his opponent...then struck square in the face with a vicious headbutt! Zack covers his face with his hands and turns away, but this enables Black to take him by the back of the head and run him to the corner and ram his face into the top turnbuckle! Black then pins Zack against the ropes and blisters his chest with a series of chops, then hits another European uppercut before picking Zack up off of his feet and seating him on the top rope. He hooks Zack in a front facelock and tries to hoist him up, but Malibu clings to the ropes by keeping his legs warpped around them while driving his fist into Black's ribcage! Black's grip weakens, and Malibu shoots his arm between his legs, carrying Black up onto his shoulders before forcing himself up to his feet, drawing the crowd out of their seats as he leaps off the ropes with his opponent in his arms, crushing him as he flips him over with THE HONOR ROLL~! COLE Malibu busted out The Honor Roll, and that could very well be the winning manuever, if he can cover him quickly enough! Although Black is laid out, the move had an effect on Zack too, as pain surges through his sore ribs. Still, he rolls over and crawls onto Black, hooking a leg as the referee comes down to count. ONE! TWO! TH-KICKOUT! COACH YO~! Guess it's gonna take a bit more than that! Black gets led to his feet after the failed pin attempt, and rocked with a pair of forearms before Zack takes him and whips him into the corner. Zack charges in, but Black manages to throw a leg up, catching Zack across the cheek with his boot! Zack staggers away, then gets knocked over with a kneelift from Black, who bursts out of the corner with an energetic rush! He then picks Zack up and hooks him for a suplex, slingshotting him off the top rope before turning around and dropping Zack facefirst on the mat with a gordbuster before falling back against the ropes! Black savors the moment to rest, regaining what he can of that lost energy...and when Zack gets up Black comes up off the ropes and does a full rotation, cracking Zack across the throat with a Black Lariat, the force of which drops Black to the mat as well as Zack! Black stays down, covering Zack for the pin, and shouting "C'mon" at the referee, who couldn't be moving any faster than he already is! ONE! TWO! T-NO! NO! KICKOUT! COLE And I guess it's going to take more than a Black Lariat to get Zack Malibu to stay down for the three count! Black slams his hands on the canvas, berating the referee for "being too slow". He pulls Zack up, then floors him with another European uppercut, then comes off the ropes with a kneedrop...and misses! Zack rolls out of the way, and as Black gets up, slightly limping after hitting nothing but the hard ring surface, Malibu also pushes up. Eyeing his foe and seeing he's in a bad way, Zack comes at him, kicking his right leg up as he hopes that SCHOOL'S OUT finds its mark...BUT IT DOESN'T! Nathaniel Black catches the foot and throws it down before rotating again, using another Black Lariat...THAT GETS BLOCKED as Malibu throws his elbows up, blocking the blow, and follows up with an ANGLE SLAM~! on a stunned Nathaniel Black~! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEENO! NO! NO! SHOULDER UP! COLE Black dodged a bullet by blocking School's Out, and then somehow managed to kick out of another patented Malibu finish, the Angle Slam! COACH I'm tellin' you, Mikey Cole, this kid is IT. Zack Malibu is old news. Zack sits up, pondering what he could possibly do to defeat the persistent challenge of Landon Maddix's fellow countryman and stablemate. Zack brings him up and uses a rear waistlock, then carries him over with a German Suplex...and that gets the ball rolling, as Zack slowly but surely rolls both he and his opponent up to their feet, using a second German, followed by a third...and a fourth...AND A FIFTH...THEN A SIXTH~! Malibu keeps 'em coming, rolling to his feet for a seventh German suplex, and SOMEHOW, Black musters the strength to try and break free, throwing an elbow back...but Malibu hooks the arm with his own while still holding a waistlock with the other, and throws Black over his head and damn near straight down on the top of his head with a release HALF NELSON SUPLEX that leaves him in a crumpled heap on the canvas! ONE! TWO! THREEEEENO! FOOT ON THE ROPE! COLE I can't believe he even had THAT left in him! COACH Watch, Cole...watch history happen here tonight! This is Nathaniel Black's coming out party, and I don't mean like the one you had a few years ago! COLE ... For a man who is used to defying the odds and being one of the most resilient competitors in the OAOAST, Malibu seems surprised, almost dejected by his inability to beat the outspoken Englishman. Zack drags Black away from the ropes, but as he's leaned over and dragging him by one arm, Black wearily reaches up, grabbing Zack by the head and pulling him into a surprise cradle! ONE! TWO! TH-NO! KICKOUT! COLE This has become quite a war...Zack Malibu is, dare I say it, bringing out the best in Nathaniel Black right now, because he is not succumbing to the former OAOAST World Champion! Both men get to their feet, and Malibu quickly snares Black in a sleeperhold, looken to put the final nail in the coffin of the weakened superstar. The crowd buzzes as Black squirms, trying to escape, but Zack keeps the hold on as tight as he can. Black looks to weaken, but in a last ditch effort, manages to back Zack into the corner and crush him against the ropes! Black hobbles away as Zack leans against the ropes, both men exhausted from battle. Black turns around and charges in, looking to finish Zack off...but Malibu moves out of the way at the last second! Black collides with enough force to crack his sternum, and it doesn't help that Malibu follows up with a ZACK ATTACK II~!, driving both of his knees into the back of Nathaniel Black before lifting him up and crotching him on the top rope! Malibu climbs up after him and from the middle rope...locks on a sleeper!?!? COACH Hey, he can't do that! Rope break, ref! COLE Zack, looking to put Nathaniel Black to sleep here, and...wait, what's he doing? With the sleeper locked on, Zack climbs up onto the third rope, and brings a defenseless Black to his feet with him...then brings him airborne as Zack leaps backwards off of the ropes with the sleeperhold applied, driving Nathaniel Black to the canvas with a SUPER TRENDSETTER~!~! COACH YOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COLE A TRENDSETTER FROM THE TOP ROPE! NATHANIEL BLACK'S HEAD JUST BOUNCED OFF THE CANVAS LIKE A SUPERBALL! "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" With the crowd loving what they've just seen, Zack Malibu crawls over to Nathaniel Black for the cover once again, silently praying that that's all he's going to need to finish off the hated overseas import. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! Breathing a sigh of relief, Zack rolls off of Black, and the sound of Papa Roach coming over the soundsystem is music to not only the fans ears, but Zack's as well. COLE WHAT. A. MATCH. I may not like Nathaniel Black, what he's about, or the company he keeps, but I will give him credit where it is due, he BROUGHT IT tonight. COACH You damn right he did, Mikey Cole. Nate Black showed the world tonight what he's all about, and he was able to hang with the best. There ain't no shame in that. Malibu gets his hand raised by the ref, drawing the crowd to their feet as they applaud the victory of the OAOAST's favorite son. Malibu leans on the ropes, his energy drained from that epic encounter, and as he exits the ring he turns and looks back at Nathaniel Black, laid out on the canvas and being tended to the by the ref, before leaving. Zack then steps through the ropes and heads to the back, where a warm shower awaits, as well as the congratulations of his peers...and the anger from the rest of Cucaracha Internacional that one of their own fell victim to their leaders longtime rival. COMMERCIAL

After a lengthy commercial break, we're taken backstage where Krista dressed casually in flared jeans and a shoulder baring tie back top is strolling to her dressing room to speak with Jade. However, Alix in white capri pants and red and white striped baby doll, leans against the door playing on a cellphone. ALIX Krisssy! Overjoyed, Alix wraps her arms around Krista's neck and pecks away at her lips with kisses KRISTA Wow, aren't you happy to see me! ALIX Nah, I'm hungry and your lips taste like a cherry Popsicle. KRISTA The humiliating things us middle waged women must do to attract a mate. How's Jade? ALIX Dope as hell! KRISTA Honestly? Jade's doing okay? ALIX No, silly girlie, I just scored a hundred thousand points on Fashion Mogul! Tyra Banks, eat me. Literally, p-l-z! Already annoyed with Alix, Krista rips the phone from her hands and throws it halfway down the hall. We hear the sound of little device shattering into pieces. ALIX Ummm...that was your phone. KRISTA All I had to do was pay three dollars a month for phone insurance and I'd get a new one for free. Its like god is saying “Repent, you cheap Jew. Repent!” So, how is Jade? ALIX She's bummin for real. She was like so upset to hear that Audrina moved out of Lo and LC's condo, because those girls are like a bond, and a bond is like a tightly held thing that can't be broken, so sayeth Merriam Webster. KRISTA Wait, she's not upset about losing to Malaysia? ALIX Oooooooh. Malaysia. I thought she just got the characters wrong, I was like “girl who the hell are you talkin about. There's Lauren, Audrina, LC, Whitney, Heidi and Stephanie, she's a hottie!” KRISTA How on earth did I ever, ever, get stuck with you? ALIX I felt you up at your brother's Barmitzvah. KRISTA Who knew the Torah made such a handy marital aid! Well, let me try and talk with her. ALIX No way, babydoll. She's pretty upset, right now. Like, I guess she thinks she kinda let you down. She took your name, and then she goes out and gets the beats put on her. She kinda feels you're a little disappointed now. KRISTA Does she think I'm gonna randomly flip on her after every minor and insignificant occurrence? Who do I look like? Madonna? Just let me go talk to her, okay. ALIX Krissy, that's a really really bad idea. Like, she doesn't really wanna talk right now. To anyone. Not even The Philadelphia Phanatic. And he's green! And he rules! KRISTA I don't care what she said... ALIX (singing) Shawty said the nigga that she with aint shit Shawty said the nigga that she with aint this Shawty said the nigga that she with cant hit And shawty ima hit it(hit it) like I cant miss! KRISTA Just let me go see my daughter, Alix. I want to help her. I have to help her. I'm her mother! ALIX And I'm her would be step mother if a certain dyke would get off her scandalous ass and slip a fifteeen thousand dollar diamond ring from Tiffany's, I've bookmarked the page in the catalog, on my finger! KRISTA I told you I'm not going to propose because it makes me the man! Its bad enough you gave me a strap on and told me to try it on for a week and see how I liked it. Look, just scooch aside and let me talk to the girl I carried inside me for nine of the most painful months ever endured by modern woman. ALIX N-o, missy! The only way you're gonna get in there is if aliens like beam me up to their spaceship and stuff, because they want to learn from one of earth's most enlightened minds and cultured leaders, but then I know how to fight and stuff from playing street fighter so I'd like hadoken and sonic boom my way through the corridors of the ship, executing these aliens with extreme prejudice, and then I'd take control of the bridge and then I'd use the death ray and I'd kill you before you could enter! Krissy, you can't go in because you'll only make things way worse. What can you even say? You don't understand what's it like to fail, or not be good at something, 'cause you're good at everything. Krissy-pie, ya just can't relate. You never lose or screw up anything. KRISTA Oh, and you do? How can you fail when all you do is sleep, eat candy, sunbath next to the pool, sometimes sing, sometimes model, and commit one weapons related felony per week! ALIX Uh, yeah, I used to do like important stuff or whatev. In high school, I led my cheerleading team to the US Spirit National Championships! And then, one day, the basketball coach accidentally hit me with his car and he said to me..."Please don't let the school mascot out of his cage, again... I told you this before: he's not a man in a costume, he's a wild animal! Last time you let him loose, he ate a kid! But if you'd like to come back to my place, heheh, my wife's outta town." And that time over his house like really stuck with me because it was my first, but not my last, witnessing of a police raid! KRISTA As usual we've gotten absolutely no where and taken forever to do it. What we need is the advice of someone who's a complete catastrophic failure at every last thing they've ever attempted and everything they ever will attempt. I'll have my agent call Kevin Costener. Against her better judgment Krista walks off and follows Alix's cautionary advice. COMING UP NEXT INTERNATIONAL CONFLICT ZACK MALIBU VS NATE BLACK NEXT!

BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! Not quite so fast there Mr. Buffer! Before he can get the cue to continue we cut backstage to find Jade Rodez walking to the ring. With a nervous look on her face and many deep breaths she tries to get herself into the right state of mind ahead of her title challenge. A task made that bit harder by Terry Taylor's intrusions. TAYLOR Jade! JADE Oh, hi Terry. TAYLOR Any last words before your big Women's Title match tonight? Uhm, not that I mean 'last words' in that sense, I'm sure you're going to do just fine daughter of the woman I fear more than the reaper himself, I just mean, you know... JADE Don't worry. Actually yeah, I guess there kinda is something. I wanna dedicate this match to Kris... uh, my mom. And I had an announcement I was going to save for later. But seeing as you're here... after a lot of thought, I've decided to... take the family name. So, from now on, I'm going to be Jade Rodez-Duncan. Hyphenated. So I guess tonight, I really am dedicating this match to Krista. Since after tonight, there'll be a Duncan woman holding gold again. Looking relieved to have gotten that off her chest, Jade smiles as she pats Terry on the shoulder and heads off. COACH Oh, the embarrassment just piles up! At least before Krista could just say 'oh, yeah, she's a distant relative, see the names don't match!' Now the Duncan name is going to get stomped into the ground just like Jade's face! COLE The match hasn't even started and already you're predicting it'll be no contest? COACH Pretty much, yup. Finally we're back on schedule with the cueing of "Date With The Night" by The YeahYeahYeahs. Heading out into the arena, Jade Rodez-Duncan as we are now to know her greets the warm reception from the crowd with shy good graces, waving a hand to the crowd on her way down the aisle. She tags a few hands before entering the ring with little grandour. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger. She hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan... JJAAAAAADDEEEE... RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE It's worth noting that all outside parties have been banned from ringside for this match by order of Josie Baker. That means no D*LUX, no Krista and most thankfully of all no Jock Mulligan. COACH What do you mean 'most thankfully'? COLE This Women's Title match should be a Dick free-zone. Jade goes through some very basic warm-ups, waiting nervously for the sounds of Motley Crue's "Wild Side" to kick in. Suddenly there's an air of dread as Malaysia steps through the curtains and raises the Women's Championship proudly over her head, scowling out towards the ring. BUFFER And introducing her opponent! Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She is the reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion... the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... MMMMAAAAALLLAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Cracking her whip menacingly Malaysia stares down the fans. COLE Last time these two met, back when Malaysia first arrived in the OAOAST a few months ago, it was about as comprehensive as it gets. This time, Women's Title on the line, Jade has a lot more to fight for... who knows. Stranger things have happened. COACH Hmm, let's see about that. Have you ever actually gotten laid? COLE Yes! COACH Okay then, fair enough. Was it with a woman? COLE Yes! COACH Holy crap, $30 on Jade in that case! Malaysia climbs into the ring and casts the same heart-chilling stare that she gave the crowd towards Jade. The challenger cowers back in the corner a little, but tries not to show too much of her nerves. Referee Mark Hebner holds the Women's Title overhead for the crowd as the intimidating staring continues. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE There's the bell and we're going to see if it'll be better second time around for Jade against Malaysia. Malaysia stands her ground near her corner and waits for the challenger to come to her, which Jade is a little tentative to do. She tiptoes forward, hands up ready to guard. But Malaysia just stands there. Jade ends up right in front of Malaysia with no attack yet, so she initiates a lock-up and grabs a side headlock. With ease Malaysia throws her off into the ropes though, then knocks Jade on her BUTT with a shoulder tackle. Jade sits up with a nervous look on her face and backs away to the ropes to give herself time and space to get back up. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Getting her head together, Jade tries to draw on the support of the crowd like her uncle would. COACH These people really aren't doing her any favours. Jade moves in towards Malaysia again, this time surprising her with a boot to the gut. And another boot, doubling Malaysia up a little. Just a little though, forcing Jade to keep attacking, with forearm strikes now. A succession of them connect but Malaysia stays on her feet and just shoves Jade away. Jade rolls through to her feet and comes right back at the Women's Champion though, her bravery earning the raised support of the Birmingham crowd. After another few forearms Jade grabs Malaysia by the wrist and goes for an irish whip... but Malaysia doesn't budge. Jade tries again and again, but still Malaysia stays rooted to the spot, so Jade quickly lets her go and hits the ropes herself with a clothesline. COLE Look at Jade taking it to Malaysia like no-one we've seen! COACH Yeah and look at the total lack of damage she's doing in the process. Taking no more than a backstep, Malaysia smiles back at Jade and tells her "Harder.", which kinda creeps the challenger out. But she stays on the attack, putting everything she has behind a second clothesline. Still there's no effect though. MALAYSIA HARDER! JADE AAAHHHHHH! Drawing on some rarely displayed intensity, Jade fires up and hits the ropes again... but by this point Malaysia has had enough and satisfies her desire for pain through Jade, clubbing her off her feet with her own brutal clothesline!! COACH DAYYUM! COLE Well, you have to admire Jade's spirit in coming out here and attacking Malaysia like she has. But unfortunately, spirit alone might not be enough to survive this test. Jade rolls around holding the back of her head from the brutal shot. Smiling again, Malaysia walks over and stomps her right in the back. And again. And even a third time. Jade tries to crawl over to the ropes but gets cut off with an elbow drop to the lower back as well. The mighty Nerdly child then rolls over, pinning Jade down with two knees in her back. Eyes widening, Jade realises she's in trouble and flails around hoping to get the ropes, but is agonisingly short and gets fish-hooked by Malaysia! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Malaysia breaks the hold but the unnerving smile on her face makes Hebner a little tentative to get to five anyway. She slams a forearm down into the back of Jade's neck, then grabs two handfuls of hair and pulls back, causing Jade to scream out in pain. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Another break just in time. COLE The masochistic Malaysia, clearly enjoying herself here. This is kinda hard to watch. COACH Unless you're into that stuff. Which I am. That's why I'm strangely quiet right now. I'm just watching. Oh yeah. Satisfied for now, Malaysia climbs off of Jade and picks strands of blonde hair from between her fingers, gazing at them as they fall to the canvas. Malaysia walks back over and hangs Jade up across the middle rope, placing a knee in her back to choke her on the rope! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Malaysia pulls Jade back to her feet and clubs her in the back with a forearm. Falling to a knee, Jade is hurting and things don't get better after a big back suplex from Malaysia. Cover by the Champ, with a forearm pressed against the jaw... 1... 2... No! COLE Jade isn't going to give up without a fight. She's not just doing this for herself tonight, she wants that Women's Title to make Krista proud. COACH Yeah, because Krista cares SOOO much about the OAOAST Women's Championship, right? Poor deluded Jade. Not looking too disappointed at only getting 2, Malaysia pulls Jade back up. Showing heart, Jade delivers a punch to the gut from her knees. And a second one. Malaysia puts a stop to the fight with a double axehandle between the shoulder blades though, then twists around on the hair and pulls Jade backwards into a forearm to the kidneys. COLE This is just brutal. Malaysia simply punishes her opponents and seems to get this sick enjoyment from doing it. Malaysia turns back to back with her pained challenger and underhooks the arms. With her overwhelming power she then elevates Jade up across her back, stretching her in the Gory Guerrero Special! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And now a submission hold, more pain for Jade. Despite the pain ripping through her back and shoulders Jade shakes her head 'no' in a refusal to quit. She shouts out in pain though as Malaysia starts to bend down towards the mat applying further pressure. Clearly in need of support, the fans get behind Jade with some clapping, which does nothing to help with the pain but at least gives her some encouragement I guess. Jade starts to try and fight the hold and tries to get at least one arm free. Before that can happen, Malaysia simply lets her go and Jade is left to fall face-first to the canvas. COLE I wonder what Krista is thinking watching this. COACH Krista? Watching this? A-HA! A-HAHAHAHA... ah... nah I'm sure she's glued to this, don't mind me. Malaysia walks away into a corner and waits for Jade to drag her aching bones off the mat. Holding a hand to her back, Jade turns around and Malaysia charges in with another clothesline... but Jade ducks, catching an arm around Malaysia's body and tripping her up before leaning across the legs to stack her up... COLE Wait a minute, a cover! 1... 2... NO! Able to power out, Malaysia walks into a boot and a front facelock, Jade twirling a finger. COACH You know, with someone with such a charismatic uncle and the most OTT mother in the known universe, Jade sure is dishwater dull, huh? Jade leaps off her feet with a DDT attempt... but it's imminently clear that Malaysia is in control and proceeds to throw Jade off, for another face-first landing! As Jade gets back up, Malaysia then comes off the ropes, DRIVING her boot right into Jade's chest and sending her lurching right back down! COLE Oh my what a kick! COACH Like she was trying to kick a door off it's hinges. She might have caved Jade's chest in. COLE And sadly the end may be near for Jade's dream of becoming Women's Champion. With the smile back on her face, Malaysia looks out at the crowd and the smile contorts into something more sinister. With Jade on her stomach, the Women's Champion steps over and sits out, dropping her body-weight across the lower back. Malaysia then reaches back and hooks both legs, standing up to apply the torturous Inverted Boston Crab! *TAPTAPTAP!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Second verse, same as the first. After a couple of seconds more enjoyment, Malaysia throws Jade's legs away and looks back into the crowd as she raises her hands dominantly overhead. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and STILL OAOAST Women's Champion... MALAYSIA NNEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!! Jade holds her back and cringes in pain, checked on by referee Hebner who has handed over the title belt and waves at Malaysia to go. Malaysia stays stood over Jade's body though as she raises the Women's Title over her head. With the title still overhead she looks down and smiles in satisfaction at the suffering she's inflicted before she finally leaves. COLE A dominating performance, as we've come to expect in the short time Malaysia Nerdly has been in the OAOAST. Again, you have to admire Jade's guts for challenging her after last time and for taking the fight to Malaysia in the opening going. But... COACH But she just ain't got what it takes! That was an embarrassment to the Duncan name, just as predicted. When was the last time a Duncan was left laying and in need of medical attention after a match in the OAOAST Michael? Never! Because when was the last time that Duncan wasn't Krista? Never! Jade wanted to impress mommy, but all she did was prove she ain't good enough to carry Krista's legacy! Guts, heart, whatever. She can have all that but unlike Krista she ain't got the attributes that matter. COLE That's harsh and to be expected from you I guess. And as expected, I don't agree. Jade isn't Krista, but she's never claimed to be. She just wants to make her proud. COACH Well, she's done a great job so far! If Krista's match with Thunderkid goes anything like this did... well, I'll be delighted. But also stunned. That's the difference. Malaysia walks away with the Women's Title over her shoulder, as in the ring Jade is clearly in serious discomfort and will need to be helped from the ring as we fade away. TONIGHT MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH THE SUCCESSFUL DUNCAN IN ACTION 1ST TIME EVER: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THUNDERKID TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

COLE Fans, 2 weeks ago at The Great Angle Bash, we saw an INCREDIBLE match take place between Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship was on the line in a No Holds Barred Match! SO much action happened in this match, that we felt like we had no choice but to show it to you again in its entirety TONIGHT on HeldDOWN~! It is so nice, we have to show it to you twice! COACH That, and we needed to kill some time anyway. COLE Shush! Anyway fans, this match is a highlight of The Great Angle Bash 2008 and will be talked about for years to come. Some say this match has solidified Tha Puerto Rican as a legitimate World Heavyweight Champion and is one of the best matches of his entire career. Do you think so? Well, see for yourself! So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, the complete, uncut and unedited No Holds Barred Match between Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship from One And Only AngleSault Thread The Great Angle Bash 2008 back on Sunday June 29, 2008! We hope you enjoy it! COACH Word. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 Sunday June 29, 2008 Target Center Minneapolis, Minnesota A single drumbeat plays. The crowd is confused by this. Then a guitar riff that is familiar to some of the fans is heard all over the arena. “I AM IRON MAN!” The fans are confused, as nobody on the roster has this for a theme song. As “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath begins playing, the fans are still wondering just who this theme song belongs to. Strobe lights cover the entrance set, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The fans continue wondering who is coming out. But the wondering ends as soon as Cuban Wall steps out onto the entrance stage through the smoke. The crowd starts booing loudly. Wall has a cocky smile on his face as he looks at the fans, highly unusual for him. Wall pumps his right fist into the air, and then proceeds to walk across the entrance ramp, his eyes looking all around the arena, with a cocky smirk on his face. *Has he lost his mind Can he see or is he blind Can he walk at all Or if he moves will he fall Is he alive or dead Has he thoughts within his head We'll just pass him there Why should we even care He was turned to steel In the great magnetic field When he traveled time For the future of mankind Nobody wants him He just stares at the world Planning his vengeance That he will soon unfurl* Cuban Wall is wearing a white Lightning Crew T-shirt for the first time in almost a year, in addition to his old black vest with a Cuban flag on the back, and “LIGHTNING CREW” written on the top in big white blocky letters, and “4-LIFE” written on the bottom of the vest in big white blocky letters. He is also, as usual, wearing a Cuban flag bandana on his head, sunglasses, gold chains around his neck, blue elbow pads, black wrist tape, black fingerless gloves, an earring in his right ear, long blue tights with “CUBA” written across the right leg in big white blocky letters, and red wrestling boots. His head is still shaved and he still has a black goatee too. COLE Cuban Wall is about to compete in the first OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship Match of his entire career! COACH It’s about damn time! Cuban Wall chuckles as he continues his walk to the ring. *Now the time is here For Iron Man to spread fear Vengeance from the grave Kills the people he once saved Nobody wants him They just turn their heads Nobody helps him Now he has his revenge Heavy boots of lead Fills his victims full of dread Running as fast as they can Iron Man lives again!* *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is one-half of the double main event of OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 and is a No Holds Barred Match for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 pounds. He is the former Muscle for The Lightning Crew/Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion, AND the Winner of the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match…CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall ignores the booing fans as he gets closer to the ring. COLE Cuban Wall and Tha Puerto Rican at one time were close friends. But now, they are bitter enemies. COACH This company ain’t big enough for the both of them, and after tonight, I think one of them will take a LONG vacation…because of all of the injuries he has suffered from this match! COLE This is a No Holds Barred Match! No disqualifications, no countouts, no rope breaks. This is a fight to the finish! THERE MUST BE A WINNER! COACH And the winner will be 6’7” and weigh in at 285 pounds! COLE Or maybe the winner will be 5’9” and weigh in at 220 pounds? COACH Nah. It’s lights out for his Title reign after tonight! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Cuban Wall shadow boxes a little bit, and then enters Ring One over the top ring rope. Cuban Wall raises his hands in the air to LOUD boos, but he doesn’t let the booing hurt him. COACH And look at that. Cuban Wall is wearing his LIGHTNING CREW T-shirt again! AND his LIGHTNING CREW vest too! COLE Perhaps a form of symbolism? Cuban Wall is trying to prove a point here tonight. Not only is he looking to become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, but he also wants to show Tha Puerto Rican that he NEEDS The Lightning Crew to survive in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! COACH And he does! When Tha Puerto Rican led The Lightning Crew, how many matches did he win on his own? COLE Uh…um… COACH EXACTLY! Thereby proving Cuban Wall’s point! COLE He hasn’t proven his point yet, Coach. Until the bell rings and Cuban Wall raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt, his point HASN’T been proven yet! But it might be proven tonight as Cuban Wall looks to snag the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! And he is going to do it against the man whose group he was in for FOUR years! COACH If you ask me, Wall should have been the leader of The Lightning Crew all along. COLE Cuban Wall didn’t seem to mind serving Tha Puerto Rican all those years. COACH That’s because PRL would never let him speak! If he spoke, you would hear all of the frustration coming out! COLE Eh…somehow I don’t believe that. Cuban Wall stands in the middle of Ring One. He makes an “L” with his arms -- The Lightning Crew Salute! The crowd boos. Pyro shoots out from the four ring posts in addition to from the ceiling. Cuban Wall has a smirk on his face. COLE Cuban Wall doing The Lightning Crew Salute now! COACH He is REALLY trying to rub it in to Tha Puerto Rican tonight at The Great Angle Bash! COLE But will it work? Will the mind games distract Tha Puerto Rican and take him off of his “A” game? Or will Cuban Wall’s comments last Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! fire up the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and drive him to defeat his BIGGEST opponent yet to date? COACH Your inspirational comments are great! It makes it even better when Tha Puerto Rican inevitably fails! Makes it all the more sweeter to see him lose! I love it! COLE Oh come on! Cuban Wall jaws with the fans as “Iron Man” continues playing. Wall heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands into the air to LOUD boos from the fans. Wall gives the fans the “Up yours!” hand gesture. He laughs evilly on the turnbuckle. CW then gets off of the second turnbuckle and chuckles some more. COLE It is rare for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion to be the underdog in a match, but in this case, you have to believe that PRL is the underdog! A No Holds Barred Match against the 6’7” 285 pound Cuban Wall, a man that he has NEVER beaten, AND the man who eliminated him to win the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match! COACH PRL’s back is against the Wall! No pun intended! COLE Oy vey. Cuban Wall shadow boxes a bit as “Iron Man” continues playing. COLE This will be the first ever one-on-one meeting between Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall if you don’t count that BOGUS match that the two had back on Thanksgiving in 2006. COACH Yeah! That was great! ‘The Conspiracy’! I remember that! But that was a different time! PRL was more focused back then! COLE I think he is more focused now! COACH What makes you say that? COLE He IS the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion now, Coach. COACH BAH! He got lucky! He got lucky at AngleMania VII, and he got lucky at School’s Out! Tonight, his luck runs out! Tonight, the belt goes to the man it SHOULD have gone to at AngleMania VII! THIS is Cuban Wall’s night…it may be 3 months overdue, but tonight IS his night! “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath dies down. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation for Tha Puerto Rican’s entrance. Cuban Wall stands in Ring One and looks to the entrance. COLE We are just moments away from the arrival of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH For now, Michael. For now. Cuban Wall paces back and forth inside of ring 1. He has a cocky smirk on his face. COLE There’s no telling what Cuban Wall is going to do in this type of match-up with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title on the line. COACH Hopefully, everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! Cuban Wall stands in the center of Ring One with his hands on his hips and a cocky smirk on his face. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. The lights go down inside of the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke and power walks across the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused solely on Cuban Wall. PRL is more intense than he usually is, his face sporting a cold expression. PRL now has a shaved head with a line down the middle. He also has a little facial hair underneath his chin. He has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt strapped around his waist. Tha Puerto Rican throws up a “Killa B” to his fans as he walks to the rings. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooorrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd! The Badd Boy of the OAOAST. THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! The crowd cheers louder than before. Tha Puerto Rican removes his black vest and then throws it onto the entrance ramp while looking at Cuban Wall, who has an evil smile on his face. He then unstraps the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and throws it onto the entrance ramp. PRL then charges at full speed towards Ring One, leaping OVER the top ring rope and hitting Cuban Wall with a shoulderblock that DOESN’T knock him down but DOES cause him to stagger backwards into the ropes! COLE PRL draws first blood before the bell rings! COACH No he doesn’t! Pipe down! Tha Puerto Rican gets back to his feet just as Cuban Wall charges towards him with a clothesline! Tha Puerto Rican ducks the clothesline, turns around, and nails Cuban Wall with a left jab! Then another left jab! Then another! Cuban Wall hits PRL with a punch! Then another punch! Then another punch! The two men engage in a slugfest! The lights go back on inside of the arena. Referee Earl Hebner calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “Good Friends, Bitter Enemies” NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH FOR THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP THA PUERTO RICAN (Champion) vs. CUBAN WALL (Challenger) “Know Your Role 2000” dies down as Cuban Wall and Tha Puerto Rican continue their slugfest! COLE And here we go! The World Title Match is underway here at The Great Angle Bash 2008! Both Cuban Wall and PRL lay into each other! Cuban Wall goes for a shot. Tha Puerto Rican ducks, jumps up, and nails Cuban Wall right in the face! He punches Wall some more, dazing the big man. Wall goes for another punch, Tha Puerto Rican ducks it, jumps up, and hits Wall with another punch! COACH What the hell man!? COLE Tha Puerto Rican hammering away at the 6’7” big man! Tha Puerto Rican nails Cuban Wall with several Rock-style punches to the temple--but Cuban Wall stops that by kneeing PRL in the stomach, causing him to collapse onto the mat! COACH That’s better. COLE That huge 285 pound monster turning things around right there with that knee to the gut! Cuban Wall stops to catch his breath. He checks to make sure that he isn’t bleeding. The crowd boos. PRL is already on the mat coughing. PRL struggles to get up, so Cuban Wall helps him by grabbing Puerto by his shaved head and slamming his face into the top turnbuckle pad! Wall taunts P.R. He then grabs Puerto by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Tha Puerto Rican stops in his tracks by grabbing the top turnbuckle and jumping up, just in time as Cuban Wall charges forward, and he too stops in his tracks by grabbing the top turnbuckle! Unfortunately for Wall, when he turns around, Tha Puerto Rican is waiting for him with a dropkick that sends Cuban Wall OVER the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Cuban Wall has been knocked over the top rope by Tha Puerto Rican! COACH FLUKE! FLUKE! FLUKE! Cuban Wall lands on his left knee. Meanwhile, Tha Puerto Rican finally removes his black chaps and throws them aside. Seeing Cuban Wall getting up, PRL rushes into action running backwards into the ropes so that he can get full speed so that he can hit Cuban Wall with a baseball slide that knocks him down onto the ground! COLE He got him again! He got him again! COACH NO! Cuban Wall takes a little bit slower to get up this time. While he gets up, Tha Puerto Rican exits Ring One and climbs the top turnbuckle. COLE What’s he going to do here? COACH No way he’ll make it! PRL is hunched over on the top turnbuckle. When the time is right, PR jumps off of the top rope…and hits Cuban Wall with a MOONSAULT TOPE right onto Cuban Wall taking him down again! COLE Three in a row! Three in a row! COACH SHUT UP! The crowd is going wild! PRL hammers away at Cuban Wall’s head on the outside! COACH BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! COLE He can’t, Coach! IT’S NO HOLDS BARRED! COACH Drats! Tha Puerto Rican stops hammering away at Cuban Wall’s head. He slides into Ring One underneath the bottom rope and then slides out of Ring One underneath the bottom rope, continuing his sliding into Ring Two underneath the bottom rope. He then slides out of Ring Two underneath the bottom rope. He then goes over to Sofa Central and grabs Jonathan Coachman’s right foot! COACH HEY! WHAT THE HELL!? THA PUERTO RICAN Sorry! I need this! PRL takes off Coach’s right shoe and walks with it! COACH THAT BASTARD! THAT THIEF! HE JUST STOLE MY SHOE! THIS MAN IS OUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!? WHAT THE HELL MAN!? COLE PRL took your shoe! COACH I KNOW! DUDE’S CRAZY! Tha Puerto Rican climbs up onto the ring apron of Ring One with Coach’s right shoe. He then climbs the top rope, shoe in hand. PRL waits for Cuban Wall to get up. When he does, Tha Puerto Rican jumps off of the top rope and nails Cuban Wall with Coach’s right shoe knocking Wall down! COLE He just used your shoe as a weapon! COACH AGAINST Cuban Wall! You think I’m happy about that!? HELL NO! PRL throws the shoe out of the ring. COACH HEY! If you’re gonna steal my shoe, at least give it back! COLE He stole it. Do you really think he would give it back? COACH For me he damn well better! What a degenerate we have for a World Heavyweight Champion! Leaving me with one less shoe out in here! My right foot could be infected! I could get Athlete’s Foot! This floor IS sticky after all! COLE Oh, will you stop!? Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth, annoyed. He then covers Wall. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!! COLE Close fall, but the match continues! COACH Good! COLE I would think the smell of that shoe would knock out Wall for the whole night! COACH Bite me, Michael! PRL glances over at the referee. He then picks Cuban Wall up. PRL drags Wall by his shaved head over to a turnbuckle corner, where he proceeds to slam Cuban Wall’s face into the top turnbuckle pad! COACH COME ON WALL! PRL grabs Wall by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle corner. Cuban Wall hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD! Tha Puerto Rican readies himself, and then rushes forward, jumping up, and crashing into Cuban Wall with a Stinger Splash! P.R. taunts Wall, and then grabs Wall by his left hand, whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle corner--NO!--Cuban Wall reverses, PRL is sent into the opposite turnbuckle corner where he does a Flair Flip, landing on the ring apron! However, Cuban Wall charges forward, hitting P.R. with a double axehandle which knocks him off of the ring apron and onto the barricade! The crowd boos! Cuban Wall smiles evilly! COLE Oh my! Tha Puerto Rican knocked out of Ring One by Cuban Wall! COACH That did it! PRL lies face down on the protective mats, breathing heavily. Cuban Wall takes a second to catch his breath. He checks his face to make sure that he isn’t bleeding. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Tha Puerto Rican’s Moonsault Tope onto Cuban Wall again. COLE Tha Puerto Rican struck first, but right now, Cuban Wall is very much in control of this match! COACH Where he will remain for the rest of this match! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Cuban Wall exits Ring One over the top ring rope. He calmly walks over to PRL as P.R. starts crawling around the ringside area. Wall grabs Puerto by his head, removing his Puerto Rican flag bandana in the process. Wall punches PRL right in the face with a right jab! PR collapses onto the protective mats! Cuban Wall chuckles. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s Flair Flip followed by Cuban Wall’s double axehandle sending PRL into the barricade. COLE Cuban Wall taking his time. COACH He can afford to. There are no rules, he’s big, PRL’s little, why wouldn’t he want to!? Cuban Wall grabs Tha Puerto Rican and throws him back into Ring One. He then enters the ring himself, once again over the top ring rope. Cuban Wall grabs PR and hits him with some CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms that knock PR down onto the mat! COACH Well as long as Cuban Wall can dictate the pace, Cole, he’ll be in control and he’ll be the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall sneers at the crowd. COACH Oh, you people aren’t having any effect on Cuban Wall! Stop trying! Cuban Wall picks Tha Puerto Rican up. He punches him in the face, knocking him down onto the mat! PRL is now breathing heavily. He slowly crawls to his side and then goes to grab the ropes…but is stopped by Cuban Wall! Wall picks PRL up, holds him up by his right hand, and then hits him with a short-armed clothesline knocking PRL down! COLE Short-armed clothesline from the challenger! COACH Who will soon be the Champion! Cuban Wall stops to pose, causing the crowd to boo LOUDLY! Wall responds with an “Up yours!” gesture! He then picks PRL up and scoops him up into a fallaway slam position. Cuban Wall runs into a turnbuckle corner, slamming PR’s back against the turnbuckles. Wall then runs into the opposite turnbuckle corner, slamming PRL’s back against the turnbuckles again! Wall then runs into the turnbuckle corner nearest to him, and once again slams PRL’s back against the turnbuckles. Finally, Cuban Wall rushes into the only turnbuckle corner he hasn’t hit yet, but he does now, slamming P.R.’s back against the turnbuckles. PRL lets out a blood curling scream! Wall then rushes forward and gives PRL a powerslam onto the mat! Wall goes for the cover. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! Cuban Wall sneers at the referee. He then picks the dazed Puerto Rican up. Cuban Wall scoops Puerto onto his right shoulder. He then charges forward, throwing PRL off of his right shoulder, and PRL lands, chin-first, onto the top turnbuckle pad! PRL bounces off of the turnbuckle pad onto the mat! COLE Snake Eyes from Cuban Wall! CUBAN WALL LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE LIGHTNING BOLTS! COACH HA! HA! Earl Hebner checks on PRL’s condition. PRL responds with, “Get the fuck away from me.” Cuban Wall calmly walks over and picks Tha Puerto Rican up again. He sends PRL into a turnbuckle corner. CUBAN WALL HEY LIGHTNING BOLTS! LOOK AT YOUR HERO NOW! Cuban Wall knees PRL in the stomach! He then does it again! And again! COLE Cuban Wall is taunting the fans now! He feels like he has Tha Puerto Rican right where he wants him! COACH That’s because he does, Michael. That’s because he does. Cuban Wall chokes Tha Puerto Rican with his bare hands! COLE Cuban Wall just sucking the life out of the World Heavyweight Champion! COACH Good! Good! Good! Wall stops choking P.R. PRL slumps down onto the mat, with only the top ring rope keeping him from falling flat on his face. PRL grabs ahold of Cuban Wall’s shirt to pull himself up. Wall just watches and shakes his head. P.R. crawls on his knees across the ring until Cuban Wall grabs him by his head and sets him back up onto his feet. COACH Tha Puerto Rican is giving up 65 lbs. in this match-up! Cole, he doesn’t have a chance! Cuban Wall picks Tha Puerto Rican up. COACH Look, he picked him up like a feather! Cuban Wall parades around the ring while holding PRL’s body in his right hand. He then spins around, jumps up, and then jumps down, giving PRL a sidewalk slam HARD onto the mat! Wall chuckles as he sits up. CUBAN WALL Too easy. Too easy. COLE Cuban Wall made the match No Holds Barred! This is what he wanted! COACH And things are going Wall’s way right now! I love it! Cuban Wall stands up and removes the black wrist tape from his right wrist. He then chokes out Earl Hebner with the wrist tape! COLE Wait a minute! What the--what the hell!? What is he doing? Why? COACH When you’re 6’7” 285 pounds, you can do anything you want! COLE We said that this would be No Holds Barred, but we didn’t mean this! COACH Yes, we did. Cuban Wall continues choking Earl Hebner, and then simply throws him onto the mat! He throws the black wrist tape aside and then walks over to Earl Hebner. COACH Well, we said No Disqualifications, Cole! COLE Yeah, but this is taking it too far! He’s just a referee for crying out loud! COACH Do it all, Cuban Wall! Do it all, baby! Cuban Wall takes off Earl Hebner’s leather belt! With a sick smile on his face, Cuban Wall walks over to where PRL is lying, the leather belt covering his left hand. PRL is on his hands and knees, so Wall whips PRL’s back, bringing him back down onto the mat! COLE PRL just got struck with a leather belt! COACH Again! Again! Again! Both Earl Hebner and Tha Puerto Rican are slowly starting to get up. So, Cuban Wall whips PRL’s back again with the leather belt! PRL falls back down onto the mat! COLE Cuban Wall adding insult to injury! COACH No, he’s adding injury to insult right now! Come on! Wear him out! Ruin his life! Cuban Wall laughs as he watches PRL struggle to move. He then places the belt around PRL’s throat and starts choking him with it! COLE Oh come on! This is too much! Come on now! This is too much! COACH This is the best PRL match EVER! Cuban Wall steps on PRL’s back as he chokes PRL with Earl Hebner’s belt! PRL gasps for air! Earl Hebner tries to tell Cuban Wall to stop, but there’s not much he can do in a No Holds Barred Match! The crowd is going nuts, worried for The People’s Champion! COLE This has gone too far! This is crossing the line! COACH Well, then go and stop it, Cole! Or are you going to sit there and do nothing? Thought so. Cuban Wall stops choking PRL, but the leather belt is still wrapped around P.R.’s throat. That is so that Cuban Wall can pick PRL up using the leather strap, and then run with him towards the ring ropes, throwing PRL over the top rope! Cuban Wall hangs PRL over the top ring rope! COACH Hang in there, P.R.! HA! HA! HA! PRL struggles to breathe and flails his arms around. Cuban Wall ties the belt around the second ring rope. PRL tries in vain to get the belt off of his throat as Cuban Wall exits Ring One over the top ring rope. Earl Hebner tries to get Wall to untie Tha Puerto Rican, but Cuban Wall lunges after the referee, and the referee falls on his ass as a result. Wall calmly walks over to Michael Buffer…and shoves him off of his chair! COACH Good! I’ve been wanting to do that for years! COLE Now what!? CW grabs Michael Buffer’s steel chair and folds it up. Knowing full well that he has the match in his control, Cuban Wall casually walks on over with the steel chair in his left hand to where Tha Puerto Rican is struggling to remove the leather strap from around his neck. Seeing Tha Puerto Rican’s back turned, Wall readies himself…and SLAMS the steel chair right across the back of PRL! COLE Oh my! COACH Oh yes! Earl Hebner finally decides that he’s seen enough and goes to untie PRL himself. He succeeds in doing so as Cuban Wall just watches this from the outside with the steel chair in his left hand. Finally free, PRL slumps down onto the mat and rolls into Ring One underneath the bottom ring rope. Cuban Wall slides the steel chair underneath the bottom ring rope, and then enters the ring over the top ring rope while the OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Cuban Wall throwing PRL over the top ring rope and hanging him from the second ring rope. COLE When was the last time PRL had any offense in this match? COACH Like 10-15 minutes ago! HA! HA! Cuban Wall picks up the steel chair and poses with it, drawing LOUD boos. PRL is slowly crawling around the ring. He slowly starts to get up. COACH Finish him off! Ruin his life, Cuban Wall! Ruin his life! Tha Puerto Rican slowly gets to a vertical base…and then is slammed in the back with the steel chair by Cuban Wall, which sends him back down flat on the mat again! COLE Oh no! COACH THAT’S FOR STEALING HIS TITLE SHOT AT ANGLEMANIA VII, P.R.! Tha Puerto Rican turns onto his back, his eyes glazed over. He is sweating, breathing hard, and groggy. Cuban Wall stands tall over PRL with the steel chair in his left hand. He motions for PRL to get back to his feet. COACH MAN WHAT AN ASSKICKING! I LOVE IT! P.R. crawls towards the ropes as Cuban Wall continues motioning for him to get up. P.R. uses the top and second ring ropes to pull himself up. Eventually, Puerto uses the top ring rope to get back to a vertical base. Cuban Wall winds up and takes a swing… COACH Blast him! …PRL moves out of the way… …the steel chair hits the top ring rope and ricochets back into Cuban Wall’s face! Cuban Wall stumbles and then falls on his ass on the mat, dropping the steel chair on the mat also! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH AW CRAP! COLE PRL escaped the chairshot just in the nick of time! COACH No! No! No! Get up Wall! GET UP! HE STOLE MY SHOE! GET HIM! Cuban Wall sits on the mat, a little dazed. Tha Puerto Rican slowly sits on his hands and knees, and then begins crawling to the ropes. But he stops when he sees the steel chair lying right next to him. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what PRL does next. And indeed, Tha Puerto Rican grabs the steel chair. COLE PRL has the chair! Tha Puerto Rican has the chair! COACH Look out, Wall! PRL uses the steel chair to push himself back onto his feet. Cuban Wall is slowly getting up. Wall is on his left knee. PRL raises the steel chair over his head as Cuban Wall is on his knees. COACH GET THAT CHAIR AWAY FROM HIM REFEREE! PRL swings the chair-- LOWBLOW ON THA PUERTO RICAN! The crowd groans. Tha Puerto Rican collapses onto the mat, dropping the steel chair! THA PUERTO RICAN MY NUTS! Both Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall are kissing the canvas. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE The 20,000-plus in attendance all rooting for Tha Puerto Rican to retain his OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! COACH They can’t help him in a No Holds Barred Match, Cole! They’re useless…more so than usual! Cuban Wall is up first. He grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite ropes. He follows that up with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop that sends PRL flying into the air before crashing onto the mat! Wall sneers at the crowd while Earl Hebner checks on PR’s condition. THA PUERTO RICAN I told you, get the fuck away from me! Cuban Wall calmly walks over and turns PRL onto his back. He then covers Puerto. Earl Hebner counts. 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE It’s not over! COACH DAMNIT! Cuban Wall is slightly annoyed that that wasn’t the finish. PRL has a sneer on his face as he sits up, his eyes glazed over. COLE Tha Puerto Rican won’t quit! COACH He will in a few seconds! Cuban Wall gets up, and simply squeezes PRL’s head! COLE Look at this! COACH Twist it off! COLE I think a lesser competitor would have just given up on that last pin attempt. COACH Is it over if Tha Puerto Rican gives up? COLE Of course it is! It’s pin or submission, the only 2 ways you can win this match! Cuban Wall continues squeezing PRL’s head. Earl Hebner checks on Tha Puerto Rican, who is quickly losing whatever energy he had left. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican feeds from the energy of the crowd. He starts stomping his feet. His fists are clenched. The crowd gets louder and louder. COACH I bet PRL wishes the past year or so never happened right now! COLE I bet PRL is GLAD that the past year or so happened! COACH Not right now he is! Look at him! Being squished by Cuban Wall! Last year at this time, Cuban Wall was doing the squishing *for* him! PRL starts shaking, while his head continues being squeezed by Cuban Wall. P.R. turns to his side. He then gets to his left knee. He then stands, slightly bent over though. PRL then uses Cuban Wall’s giant gut to push himself a few inches away from the big man. PRL then punches Cuban Wall in the gut! He then does it again! And again! Cuban Wall shoves PRL off of him…but PRL holds onto Wall’s Lightning Crew T-shirt and punches him in the gut again! He punches Wall in the gut once more, before Wall shoves PRL onto the mat! PRL rolls through and gets back to his feet, only to get knocked back down with a Cuban Wall punch! Still, Tha Puerto Rican gets back up, and once again, he gets punched right in the face, taking him back down to the mat! But AGAIN, PRL stands up, and this time walks right into a Cuban Wall punch which sends the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion through the ropes and onto the floor! COLE PRL has taken a severe beating in this match-up! COACH And it’s about to get worse! Cuban Wall sneers at the crowd. The crowd boos loudly. PRL grabs onto the ring apron of Ring One to pull himself back to his feet. As he does this, Cuban Wall exits Ring One over the top ring rope. COLE There’s no countout, ladies and gentlemen! You win the match by pinfall or submission! COACH They heard you the first time, Michael! Shut up with it already! Cuban Wall slowly walks over to where Tha Puerto Rican is lying near Ring Two. Wall does The Lightning Crew Salute, drawing boos! COLE And look at this! Look at this 6’7” 285 pound monster! COACH Uh-oh! PRL is in trouble now! COLE Cuban Wall dominating the match-up thus far with P.R.! What’s he going to do with him? Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he picks Tha Puerto Rican up. He says something to PRL while pointing a menacing finger at him…and then clutches his throat in a GOOZLE~! COLE No! No! No! Cuban Wall has PRL in his grasp, The Great One struggling to breathe. The crowd is anxious, worried for PR. Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he grabs Tha Puerto Rican and lifts him up high into the air. He holds Puerto in the air for a few seconds, taking him over to Sofa Central… …WHERE HE PROCEEDS TO CHOKESLAM THA PUERTO RICAN THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd is shocked! PRL lies in the wreckage of what *used* to be the announce table! The two monitors lie on top of PRL, as do various papers and Michael Cole and Da Coach’s headsets. PRL’s eyes are closed and he is breathing hard. Michael Cole removes the monitors off of Tha Puerto Rican’s body. Meanwhile, Cuban Wall grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from the timekeeper’s table and walks with it into Ring Two, entering over the top ring rope. Cuban Wall raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his left hand, an evil smile on his face. This draws the loudest boos of the match so far. Michael Cole is still trying to take the pieces of the announce table off of PRL. Cuban Wall demands that Earl Hebner come over and strap the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist. The Senior Referee of the OAOAST tells Wall that the match is still going on. CUBAN WALL He’s done! He’s finished! He’s got nothing left in him! He’s FINISHED! Cuban Wall yells at the referee to help him strap the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist. As this is going on, Da Coach is helping Michael Cole pick up the remains of the announce table. At this point, Tha Puerto Rican finally starts moving his arms. He s l o w l y pulls himself up so that he is sitting down on the concrete. When he sees Jonathan Coachman picking up the pieces of the announce table, PRL pushes him away and gives him a dirty look. PR is slightly out of it, shaking, breathing hard, and mumbling. He also looks VERY irritated at what he just went through. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion finally gets up, but needs to hold on to the barricade to maintain his balance. Michael Cole tries to hold PRL up, but PRL shoves Cole away from him. PRL tries to stand up, but collapses, a piece of the broken table being the only thing preventing him from falling onto the concrete. THA PUERTO RICAN I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME! COLE LET IT BE OVER, P.R.! JUST LET IT BE OVER! Tha Puerto Rican uses the top of the barricade to pull himself back up to his feet. Now finally back on his own two feet, Tha Puerto Rican is PISSED OFF beyond belief! He shoves Michael Cole aside, and then power walks a few feet…before collapsing onto the protective mats. P.R. now crawls towards the ring. Cuban Wall is growing tired of waiting for PRL to get back into one of the rings, but gives the Champ a few more seconds to do so. When PRL still doesn’t come back into one of the rings, Wall decides to just go get him and bring him back into one of the rings himself. So, Cuban Wall walks towards the edge of Ring Two, and goes to grab Tha Puerto Rican-- --AND GETS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER THAT’S BEEN DISCHARGED~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cuban Wall covers his face and stumbles in the ring. PRL drops the fire extinguisher and takes a few moments to catch his breath. He then slides into Ring Two underneath the bottom rope. Cuban Wall is blinded thanks to the contents of the fire extinguisher, so he throws out punches, hoping to connect with PRL, but failing each and every time. But PRL *does* connect with his Rock-style punch to the temple! And his second one! And his third one! And his fourth one! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Cuban Wall does NOT go down, but he is woozy, so Tha Puerto Rican grabs Wall by his left hand and then gives him an Irish whip into the opposite ropes--Cuban Wall reverses, PRL charges forward, hits the opposite ropes, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward, leaps up, and hits Cuban Wall with a Flying Forearm that knocks the big man down! Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall both lie on the mat. Tha Puerto Rican KIPS UP~!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” PRL is FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! He is also PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF~! P.R., his face all red with ANGER, paces back and forth around the ring, getting the crowd pumped up. COLE We are back and Tha Puerto Rican is in control! Can Tha Puerto Rican do it? Can Tha Puerto Rican pull it out!? COACH N-O! NO! PRL exits Ring Two and goes over to Sofa Central where he grabs Jonathan “Da Coach” Coachman’s steel chair. COACH HEY! THIEF! PRL looks back at Coach. COACH (Pointing to Michael Cole) IT WAS HIM! HE’S THE ONE YOU WANT TO BEAT! PRL sneers at Coach, and then walks with the steel chair back into Ring Two. Cuban Wall has rolled out of Ring Two underneath the bottom ring rope and has rolled into Ring One underneath the bottom ring rope. PRL follows Wall into Ring One. Not wasting any more time, Tha Puerto Rican raises the steel chair over his head… *WHAM!* …and hits Cuban Wall over the head with it! COLE Now it’s PRL turn with the chair! COACH THAT’S MY CHAIR! YOU ASS! Cuban Wall stumbles, but doesn’t fall! So, PRL simply swings the steel chair again… *WHAM!* …and hits Cuban Wall over the head with it again! And this time, Cuban Wall DOES go down! Wall lies on the mat spread eagle. And a small cut has appeared on his forehead. COLE You got him down, P.R.! Cover him! Cover him! COACH Cuban Wall has got a cut! The man is bleeding! THE MAN IS BLEEDING! P.R. sees Cuban Wall laid out, and gets an idea. Quickly moving into action, PRL grabs Cuban Wall’s hands and drags him into the center of Ring One slowly. Once he’s done that, PRL then walks on over, talking trash the entire time, and stands over Cuban Wall. Then, he kicks Cuban Wall’s right hand onto his chest. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Oh no. Tha Puerto Rican removes his right elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. He then does some weird hand signals, and then charges backwards, hits the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, leaps over Cuban Wall, charges forward, hits the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward. COLE It is now time for the Most Electrifying Move In Professional Wrestling: The Puerto Rico Elbow! Tha Puerto Rican stops in his tracks, taunts Cuban Wall, and then drops The Puerto Rico Elbow onto Cuban Wall to a LOUD pop from the fans! COLE Puerto Rico Elbow! The Puerto Rico Elbow connects on Cuban Wall! Tha Puerto Rican covers Cuban Wall, hooking his left leg. Earl Hebner counts. COACH NO! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!!!!! COLE No! Only 2! Only the count of 2! COACH Oh thank goodness! Thank goodness for that! The crowd is surprised that that wasn’t the finish! So, is PRL. But that just gets him even MORE angry than he already was. PRL stands up and thinks about what to do next. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has gotten a second wind here! COACH DO SOMETHING WALL! COME ON! IF ANYBODY CAN STOP PRL’S WORLD TITLE REIGN, IT’S YOU! COLE Can PRL pull off the upset here!? COACH NO HE CAN’T! HE’S GONNA CHOKE! CHOKE LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Cuban Wall Chokeslamming Tha Puerto Rican through the announce table. It then shows PRL using the fire extinguisher on Cuban Wall. Meanwhile, in real time, Tha Puerto Rican has picked Cuban Wall, who now has blood trickling down his face, up and has grabbed him by his left hand so that he can give him an Irish whip into the opposite ropes. Cuban Wall charges forward, hits the ropes, bounces off of the opposite ropes, and then charges forward. PRL puts his head down, so Cuban Wall stops in his tracks, grabs Tha Puerto Rican, lifts him up onto his left shoulder, and then holds him there for a few seconds…before dropping down to his knees, giving PRL a backbreaker in the process! The Wallbreaker! COLE Wallbreaker! Wallbreaker on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH HE DID IT! HE DID IT! WE GOT A NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! WE GOT A NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! The crowd is SHOCKED! Tha Puerto Rican drops onto the mat in tremendous pain! He holds his back and lets out a blood curling scream! Cuban Wall is still on his knees, smiling evilly as he looks down at the fallen Puerto Rican. The crowd boos loudly. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has been hit with the Wallbreaker! But Cuban Wall ISN’T going for the pin! COACH I think I know why! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! PRL is in SOOOO much trouble! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Cuban Wall stands up tall. He looks down at Tha Puerto Rican with the same evil smile on his face. He looks at the crowd and laughs manically. COLE Who would have thought, after all these years, that we would see Cuban Wall doing the Wallbreaker on Tha Puerto Rican!? COACH I did. It was inevitable. COLE Oh will you stop!? Cuban Wall nods his head. He then rushes backwards into the ropes, hits the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, and then jumps up…and jumps down onto Tha Puerto Rican with all 285 pounds of him hitting The Latin Lion! The Lightning Crew Splash! COACH LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH! THE LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH! IT’S OVER! IT’S FINALLY OVER! COLE Cuban Wall has hit The Lightning Crew Splash! That’s his move! Is this really the beginning of Cuban Wall’s World Heavyweight Championship reign!? Cuban Wall sits on his knees for one second to look down at Tha Puerto Rican and smile evilly. He then covers Tha Puerto Rican, not even bothering to hook his legs. Tha Puerto Rican is in horrible pain right now. The crowd boos loudly. Referee Earl Hebner counts. Cuban Wall counts along, blood covering his face. COLE Here is the cover! COACH YES! YES! YES! FINALLY! 1... 2... COACH YES! YES! YES! 2 ½ 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3--KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE OH MY GOD! COACH WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? COLE THA PUERTO RICAN KICKED OUT OF THE LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH! THA PUERTO RICAN HAS KICKED OUT OF THE LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH! COACH THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! The crowd is shocked, but overjoyed! Cuban Wall is shocked, but ANGRY! He yells at Earl Hebner for his supposed “slow count”, but the referee insists that it was a fair count. Wall cannot believe that someone kicked out of The Lightning Crew Splash! He stands over Tha Puerto Rican speechless. COLE That’s the first time in Cuban Wall’s over four year career in the One And Only AngleSault Thread that somebody has kicked out of The Lightning Crew Splash! And the man who did it was the man who FORMED The Lightning Crew five years ago! COACH This can’t be happening! Oh God, this CANNOT BE HAPPENING! Tha Puerto Rican is shaking. PRL grits his teeth and shakes his fists. He sits up on the mat, the crowd getting more excited by the second! Cuban Wall just watches, still stunned that somebody kicked out of The Lightning Crew Splash. COLE This looks like PR’s *third* wind! COACH OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! Cuban Wall shakes his head and then refocuses back on the match. A scowl appears on the big man’s face as he stands up. Wall curses Tha Puerto Rican. He grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his *neck* and then lifts him up to his feet. CW then grabs PR by his left hand and then whips him into the ropes. P.R. bounces off of the ropes. Cuban Wall goes for a clothesline, Tha Puerto Rican ducks the clothesline, rushes forward, hits the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward and then jumps up, nailing Cuban Wall with the Gamengiri which knocks him down! COLE Dodge THIS, BITCH~! COACH AAH! PRL quickly gets back up, a scowl now on *his* face. The crowd going nuts, PRL gives Cuban Wall a shaky leg kick before exiting Ring One and quickly climbing the top turnbuckle. COLE PRL is going up! COACH Oh dang it! Tha Puerto Rican removes his left elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. He then stands hunched over on the top rope. P.R. then stands up tall on the top rope. Tha Puerto Rican leaps off of the top rope, doing the “Up yours!” hand gesture in mid-air, and then crashes down onto Cuban Wall with his left elbow hitting Cuban Wall’s chest! The People’s Elbow Drop! COLE The People’s Elbow Drop! The People’s Elbow Drop on Cuban Wall! PRL immedialtey stands right back up and heads to a turnbuckle corner. Once there, he points at Cuban Wall…and then starts stomping his right foot ala Shawn Michaels. COACH Oh God, I hate this! COLE PRL is tuning up the band! Tha Puerto Rican continues stomping his right foot. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. PRL motions for Cuban Wall to get up. Cuban Wall slowly gets up to his feet. PRL is FUMING. Cuban Wall stands up. PRL stops stomping his right foot and then charges forward. Cuban Wall turns around… *KA-POW~!* …and gets kicked in the face with the SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 COLE The Sweet Chin Music! The Sweet Chin Music connects on Cuban Wall! Cuban Wall is DOWN! COACH WALL GET UP! WALL GET UP! WALL GET UP NOW! Tha Puerto Rican jumps up and down in excitement. The crowd is getting louder by the second! Cuban Wall is still knocked down on the mat. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the crowd. “THAT’S IT!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE ‘That’s it!’ The signal for the P.R. Nightmare! PRL is going for the finish! He wants to finish off Cuban Wall once and for all! COACH OH GOD! Tha Puerto Rican gets into his predator position for the P.R. Nightmare. Cuban Wall is still lying on the mat. The crowd is cheering loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN GET UP! COLE PR motioning for Wall to get up now! COACH LOOK OUT WALL! LOOK OUT! Cuban Wall starts moving his arms. He then turns to his side. PRL is still preparing for the P.R. Nightmare. COLE Come on, P.R.! Come on! COACH Hey! Shut up with that crap! Cuban Wall rolls over to his hands and knees. PRL is practically foaming at the mouth now. He is speaking through his teeth, yelling at Wall to get up. Cuban Wall gets to his left knee. The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican’s face as he watches Cuban Wall get up. Cuban Wall takes a deep breath, blood flowing down his face, and then pushes himself up. COACH PRL really did make Cuban Wall bleed! COLE He said that he would and he did! COACH AWWGHAHW! The crowd is at a fever pitch. Cuban Wall slowly rises back up to his feet. Wall is bent over, sucking wind. PR is nodding his head, feeling that the end is near. PRL motions for Wall to come close to him. COLE Here it comes! COACH OH NO! Cuban Wall stands up straight. He is now at a vertical base. Cuban Wall takes a deep breath, wipes some of the blood off of his face and checks it out, and then turns around… …right into a kick in the gut from Tha Puerto Rican! “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Cuban Wall. “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican applies a front facelock on Cuban Wall. “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs ahold of Cuban Wall’s tights. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican looks at the crowd. He nods his head. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Using all of the energy that he has left, Tha Puerto Rican struggles…struggles…struggles to lift Cuban Wall off of the mat…but eventually gets Wall’s feet off of the mat…high enough so that he can drill Cuban Wall’s head right into the mat with the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE P.R. Nightmare! The P.R. Nightmare on Cuban Wall! Tha Puerto Rican has given Cuban Wall the P.R. Nightmare! COACH OH GOD! Tha Puerto Rican takes a second to catch his breath, and then covers the bloodied Cuban Wall, hooking his right leg. Referee Earl Hebner counts. The crowd counts along. 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 MOTHERFUCKING 3~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 *DING DING DING* (15:46) “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican does several fist pumps in succession! “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican stands up and flips Cuban Wall off several times! THA PUERTO RICAN YEAH! YOU MOTHERFUCKER! THAT’S RIGHT! WHO’S THE MAN!? WHO’S THE MAN!? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! BOO-YAH~! IN YOUR FACE, MOTHERFUCKER! BUFFER Here is your winner…and STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooorrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd! THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican gives Cuban Wall an “Up yours!” hand gesture. THA PUERTO RICAN THIS IS MY HOUSE! NOT YOUR HOUSE! MY HOUSE! THIS IS MY HOUSE! I RULE THE SCHOOL! I RUN THIS BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER! ME! THAT’S WHO! MOTHERFUCKER! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF MY FUCKING RING! GET TO STEPPING, BITCH! Cuban Wall lies on the mat in tremendous pain. He covers his head as he rolls out of Ring One. Cuban Wall stands up on his own two feet, and then walks up towards the steps to the entrance ramp. THA PUERTO RICAN BYE BYE PUNK! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE! GET TO STEPPING! YOU AIN’T WELCOME HERE NO MORE! I DON’T NEED YOUR CANDY ASS ANYMORE! GO! SKIDADDLE! VAMANOS! GET OUT OF HERE! Cuban Wall walks up the steps onto the entrance ramp. Once there, Wall takes a moment to catch his breath, crushed at his defeat. Cuban Wall takes a deep breath, wipes the blood off of his face, looks at it and grumbles, and then turns back to look at Tha Puerto Rican. PRL shoots him two middle fingers. Cuban Wall sneers at Tha Puerto Rican, and then turns back around, beginning the sad lonely walk on the entrance ramp back to the lockerroom without the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his procession. COLE Tha Puerto Rican didn’t win the match. He SURVIVED it! THA PUERTO RICAN GO MOTHERFUCKER! GO! GIVE ME MY FUCKING BELT! Cuban Wall lunges at a cameraman who gets too close to him on the entrance ramp. He then exits through the curtains. Earl Hebner hands Tha Puerto Rican the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. PRL grabs the belt, and then shoves Earl Hebner out of Ring One. This leaves Tha Puerto Rican all by himself inside of the ring to celebrate his victory with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and his Lightning Bolts as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Cuban Wall tried and came close to becoming World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in his career, but we all saw just how much heart Tha Puerto Rican has as he has defeated his biggest challenge to date to successfully RETAIN the OAOAST Championship for the second month in a row! COACH I am going to be sick. Excuse me. PRL slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. He points to it, screaming. THA PUERTO RICAN THIS IS MINE! THIS IS MY PROPERTY! YOU WANNA COME AND TRY TO TAKE IT!? COME ON! I DARE YA! I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA! COME ON AND GIVE ME YOUR BEST! TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT! PRL places the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in front of him. THA PUERTO RICAN JUST BRING IT, BITCHES! COME ON! I CAN BEAT CUBAN WALL! I CAN BEAT ANYBODY! COME ON! COME AND GET ME! COME AND GET ME! COME AND GET ME! I DARE YA! COME ON! Tha Puerto Rican removes his Puerto Rican flag wristbands and throws them into the crowd. THA PUERTO RICAN COME ON AND FIGHT ME! COME ON! I AM HERE ALL DAY! I AIN’T AFRAID OF NOBODY! GIVE IT ALL YOU GOT BECAUSE YOUR BEST STILL WON’T BE GOOD ENOUGH TO DEFEAT ME! COME ON! PRL poses in the ring. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has defeated his former running buddy once and for all! And he did it all by himself! He didn’t need The Lightning Crew! He didn’t need Stephen Joseph Popick! He didn’t need Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, or Mr. Boricua, or Thomas Rodriguez, or Princess Stacey, or Vitamin X, or The Bone Thug, or John “Rock Hard” Brickston, or Spanish Fly, or anybody else! He did it ALL BY HIMSELF! Tha Puerto Rican proves a point to Cuban Wall, to the fans, and most importantly, to himself tonight at The Great Angle Bash 2008! PRL continues motioning for the other Superstars of the OAOAST to “Just Bring It!” THA PUERTO RICAN I’m the man! I’m #1! Not you! ME! The OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Cuban Wall hanging Tha Puerto Rican over the top ring rope with the leather belt. Cut to Cuban Wall Chokeslamming Tha Puerto Rican through the announce table. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican spraying the contents of the fire extunginsher into Cuban Wall’s face. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican kicking out of The Lightning Crew Splash. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican hitting Cuban Wall with the Sweet Chin Music. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican giving Cuban Wall the P.R. Nightmare to win the match and successfully retain the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. COLE What a match this was! Cuban Wall dominated PRL, hanging him over the top rope with a leather belt. At one point, he CHOKESLAMMED PRL THROUGH the announce table, breaking it in half! But PRL fought back with that fire extungisher, only to fall victim to the Wallbreaker and The Lightning Crew Splash…or so we thought. PRL amazingly KICKED OUT of The Lightning Crew Splash and came back to life! He got his 2nd or I suppose 17th wind and hit Cuban Wall with the Sweet Chin Music followed by the P.R. Nightmare to SUCCESSFULLY retain the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title tonight at The Great Angle Bash! Aren’t you going to say something, Coach? COACH I am too disgusted beyond words to say anything right now, Michael Cole. COLE Oh well. Continue being a sourpuss. COACH I ain’t no pussy! I LOVE pussy, but I AIN’T no pussy! COLE I said sourpuss, not pussy. COACH What the hell is a sourpuss? A pussy that’s sour? COLE You know what? Just nevermind. Nevermind. COACH Because if that’s the case, then your mom had a sourpuss! COLE Oh, will you stop!? COACH HA! HA! COLE Ugh. The OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 logo flashes across the screen. Cut back to live action as Tha Puerto Rican grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and heads to a turnbuckle corner where he proceeds to climb the second turnbuckle and raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head to a loud pop from the crowd. PRL mouths, “THAT’S RIGHT!” PRL then gets off of the second turnbuckle, and then climbs the second turnbuckle opposite the one he was just on, raising the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head again to a pop from the fans. PRL gives the fans a “Killa B”, and then jumps off of the second turnbuckle. P.R. heads to a third second turnbuckle. Once there, P.R. raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt high into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. P.R. jumps off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to the fourth second turnbuckle where he once again raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt high into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. PRL does The People’s Eyebrow while standing on the second turnbuckle. The crowd cheers LOUDLY. PRL slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then jumps off of the second turnbuckle back onto the mat, tired, fatigued, in pain, but the winner. COLE Tha Puerto Rican did it! He pulled off the upset! He defeated Cuban Wall 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring BY HIMSELF! Tha Puerto Rican walks to the center of the ring, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. “Know Your Role 2000” has to be restarted, PRL has been in the ring for that long. THA PUERTO RICAN I am the Badd Boy Of The OAOAST! I CAN’T BE STOPPED! NO HOW! NO WAY! NUH-UH! BOO-YAH~! DEAL WITH IT, MOTHERFUCKERS! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! YEAH! Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder as a single spotlight shines down on him. The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN WOO-HAH! GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK! PRL stands up, and paces around the ring while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his left hand. He is still FIRED UP, even though he is the only person inside of the ring. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder as a single spotlight shines down on him on the opposite side of the ring. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder as a single spotlight shines down on him on the other two sides of the ring. The crowd is still cheering loudly. “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. PRL raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head one more time to a loud pop from the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican exits Ring One underneath the top ring rope. Tha Puerto Rican walks across the entrance ramp holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder as he slaps hands with the fans along the way. COLE Tha Puerto Rican went through a HELLACIOUS battle here tonight! But he came out of it alive and STILL the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! He has shown the world just how much of a man he truly is! Tha Puerto Rican has shown us just how much guts he truly has! His AND Cuban Wall’s careers might never be the same again! Oh my! What an incredible, memorable match-up! COACH Too bad about the ending. COLE It was the ending all of these fans, these Lightning Bolts, wanted, and they got it! COACH Uh-oh. I’m feeling that chilli dog coming back up again! COLE Tha Puerto Rican’s dream came true after defeating Stephen Joseph Popick to win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII back in March in Los Angeles, and his dream still lives on after defeating Cuban Wall in a No Holds Barred Match to retain the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 tonight in Minneapolis! COACH Ugh. I AM going to be sick! COLE Oh come on! Tha Puerto Rican is still slapping hands with the fans as he continues his walk across the entrance ramp back to the entrance, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt still over his left shoulder and the crowd still cheering loudly as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Tha Puerto Rican defeats Cuban Wall to successfully retain the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship in a BRUTAL but memorable No Holds Barred Match! And we have got MORE BRUTALITY coming your way tonight here at The Great Angle Bash! WarGames: The Match Beyond, Team Sommers vs. Team Phoenix, is coming up next in just a few moments fans! Tha Puerto Rican slaps the last few fans' hands left and then walks over to the entrance raising his right fist into the air while the crowd cheers loudly. “Know Your Role 2000” has to be restarted a second time. Tha Puerto Rican raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his left hand near the curtains, a serious expression on his face, while the crowd cheers loudly. PRL is sweating, breathing hard, his face is red, and he is in a lot of pain, but the fact that he is still World Heavyweight Champion makes it all worth it. P.R. blows a kiss to the fans and then cracks a little half-smile, and then waves goodbye to his Lightning Bolts. Tha Puerto Rican slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then turns around, exiting through the curtains. The crowd continues cheering while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the final image that we see before we fade out. Looks like Tha Puerto Rican doesn’t need The Lightning Crew after all. FADE TO BLACK LATER TONIGHT INTERNATIONAL CONFLICT ZACK MALIBU VS NATE BLACK TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

The catchy trance beats of Fedde Le Grand's walks us through the sky line of the Birmingham business district which was established to spark the city's weak economy. And I'm out of things to talk about! Well, some guy named Martin Luther King did some shit down there, but I ain't too familiar on obscure stuff like that. Into the arena we go, seeing the venue bathed in a strong vibrant purple and blue from the lights, as if someone threw a filter over the camera. COLE Last week...(clips of the brutal Faqu/Cooper Riley massacre are played) we saw Faqu, the 300-plus pound Samoan monster, destroy a man weighing just shy of 140 pounds, a young graduate of the OAOAST Training Academy in his first televised bout. Faqu maimed this kid with his bare hands, causing a broken nose at one point and dropping the man on his head with a launching Samoan drop gone wrong! COACH (dissolve to footage from earlier today of Riley signing papers, half of his face taped up and his eyes clearly bruised) Well, Cooper Riley showed that his guts might weigh more than he does, because he showed up to the building today and asked for a match with anyone on the roster. The OAOAST braintrust couldn't possibly allow another murder on their concience, but they sure broke out the insurance release forms really quickly... COLE Tonight, Cooper Riley's being put in the ring with a smaller, also-injured competitor. The bad news: it's James "Phoenix" Cone, one of the best in the world! ("The Pretender" starts up, and out comes James Cone with a bandaged forehead. He heads straight to the ring through the smoke of his blue pyro, not wasting much time...) BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall with a fifteen-minute time limit...introducing first, from Columbia, South Carolina at a weight of 235 pounds...James "THE LUNAR PHOOOOOOENIX" COOOOONE! COLE Cone's returned from war and fresh meat is awaiting him... BUFFER His opponent, already in the ring, from West Lafayette, Indiana at a weight of 138 pounds...Cooper Riley! COACH Cooper isn't exactly the face of confidence...but he is the face of determination and a never-say-die attitude! *BELL RINGS* Cooper Riley immediately charges at Phoenix and goes for a running dropkick...but Phoenix easily side-steps, causing Riley to hit the top turnuckle with his feet and fall right onto his head! Phoenix pulls Cooper up, as the groans of the crowd can be heard. An Irish whip sends Cooper off to the ropes, then hits him with a lariat so hard that Cooper flips all the way over onto his stomach! Cone pulls Riley up, then lifts him up in a side suplex position and backs into a corner. Phoenix then runs all the way across the ring and hits a Blue Thunder-style powerbomb into the turnbuckles! Phoenix pulls Riley to his feet, then drops him on the back of his neck with a wrist-clutch side suplex! COLE I really wish I could say I was surprised...Phoenix could've pinned him without doing one move... COACH And for the sake of decency, I wish he would've! Phoenix pulls Cooper Riley up again, as the referee tries to plead with Phoenix to let the obviously-loopy Cooper just lay. Phoenix sends Cooper off with an Irish whip, then throws him up in the air as far as possible, catching him out of mid-air and driving him down as hard as humanly possible with a powerbomb! Phoenix lightly pushes down on the back of Cooper's left leg, jackknifing him with his shoulders pinned down, and smiles as the referee, who's making the count.. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! *CROWD CHEERS* Phoenix just shrugs and giggles at the perceived foolishness of his opponent. He pulls Cooper to his feet and throws a punch...but somehow Cooper ducks! Phoenix turns around...and ducks Riley's attempted jumping enziguri! Riley lands on his face, then Phoenix quickly pulls him to his feet and hits a half-nelson backbreaker! Phoenix pulls Cooper off of his knee, then floats it right into his patented Snap DDT! The crowd is now booing Phoenix, who's letting this go on too far. Phoenix pulls Cooper Riley to his feet, then hooks his arms to go for his Lunar Rising (Vertebreaker)! He lifts Cooper up....but then sets him down on his feet, to the relief of many...before pulling him right into the Lunar Kick! Phoenix lays down on Riley, hands behind his head, and a big smile on his face... ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Your winner....JAMES THE LUNAAAAAR PHOOOOENIX COOOONE! SLY WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Sly Sommers' voice can be heard from behind the curtain before Cone's music can even start up. Sly then comes from behind the curtain, wearing jeans and a button-up collared shirt. SLY Hey buddy...way to look like a man, take a young kid who's obviously hurt and you're almost twice the size of, and do all your big moves on him. Really...you're a monster! GRRRR! But for real bud, I came out because I got to thinking. I want you in that ring. You obviously are afraid of me. I thought about something you said, about how you don't have to take a match with me unless there's something in it for you. So, I came up with a scenario. PHOENIX (is handed a microphone by a ring attendant) A scenario? Seems about right, coming from your creepy ass... SLY Let's say we take a wrestler in that locker room...any wrestler. In fact, a wrestler of YOUR choosing. I get to train him for two weeks, and then on July 24th at the BIG APPLE SPECTACULAR, you face this guy. Not if he wins...if he can last ten minutes with you, I get you at Angleslam in ANY type of match I want... PHOENIX And if I beat your dork in ten minutes or under...? SLY ...if you win, then I'll...I'll...I'll give up the dream. I'll give up the comeback, I'll give up everything that I dropped the booze and the drugs and the depression for. I'll retire and you will have won our war. PHOENIX I would like to get rid of your sorry ass once and for all. Hmm...and I get to choose my own opponent, right? SLY That's correct, genius. PHOENIX Fine...(pulls up Cooper Riley's prone body, causing the officials in the ring to scatter)...I choose this fine young specimen. I choose the monster himself, Mr. Cooper Riley! You know Sly...he reminds me of you. He's a scrawny, pathetic loser with no hope...oh, and just like you, any time I want to, I can hit him with the Lunar Kick (knocks Cooper out with the Lunar Kick)! See you in a couple of weeks...hope your retirement speech is a good one! "The Pretender" starts back up, as Sly and Phoenix stare intensely at each other... COLE This...this is risky. Sly's relying on the rematch between Phoenix and Cooper Riley in two weeks to have a completely different result. If Cooper can even get a time limit draw against Phoenix, Sly gets any match he wants with Phoenix at Angleslam in August! But, if Cooper cannot survive the ten minutes, Sly Sommers is going to retire! More hD~! in three! COMMERCIAL