Patty O'Green

LIVE VIA SATELLITE!!! (previously aired) FROM THE TOKYO DOME IN TOKYO JAPAN!~ SJPW PRO-WRESTLING!! Jereme の灰色 Jereme Grey VS! SJPW のCruiserweight のチャンピオン, 吉田"Spitfire" 清水 Yoshida "Spitfire" Shimizu -The screen now shows a small, sharply dressed Japanese man standing in the middle of the ring. He begins to speak, and the poorly dubbed English overdubbing follows. KATSU KOBAYASHI "女性及び紳士! 次のマッチはスケジュールされる[LADIES and Gentlemen...the next match is scheduled for ONE fall...and is for the South Japan Pro Wrestling Cruiserweight Championship!!] JAPANESE FANS YAY!! 行く!! 戦闘機は行く! 戦い愛は! CUE: "Took Out A Loan" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club KATSU KOBAYASHI 、マルセーユフランスから最初に入る[Entering first...from Marseille, France...he is the current #1 Contender for the SJPW Cruiserweight Championship...weighing in at One Hundred and Seventy Five American pounds...JEREMEEEEEEE GREEEEEEEEY!!!"] -Jereme Grey gets a decent sized pop as he walks through the curtain. He wears MMA style board shorts, sooo...yeah. Exactly. He glances around the arena at the immense amount of fans. AKIRA YAMAMOTO (over dub) Fans! This is going to be an incredible match. Both men in this match are highly skilled, incredibly talented performers, and whoever walks out of here with the title will surely deserve it. -Jereme slides into the ring and stands, looking out at the entrance way as he leans on the ropes. ...the arena goes black...causing the fans to cheer.... CUE: "Rock and Roll is Not Dead" by Miyavi THE FANS ERUPT!!! KATSU KOBAYASHI [And His opponent...weighing in at One Hundred and Eighty Five pounds....THE SJPW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION....YOOOOOOSHIDA...."SPIIIIIIIIITFIRE-UH"....SHI-MIIII-ZUUUUUUUUUUU!!!] -THE FANS ERUPT...AGAIN!!! Yoshida slowly makes his way down to the ring...CRASH!!! The fans are on their feet as Jeremy Grey lands on Spitfire, thanks to a slingshot cross body splash to the outside!! DING DING DING!!! -Jereme stands quickly and grabs Spitfire by the head, lifting him to a standing position. Jereme grabs his hand and Irish whips Spitfire...CRASH!! Straight into the steel stairs!! Spitfire's knee is driven straight into them, causing the champion to flip over, landing on his back with a thud. The referee starts to count... 1 つ! 2!! 3!!! 4!!!! -Jereme gets the hint and picks up Spitfire, rolling him into the ring. Jereme non-chalantly climbs back in, and stalks the champion, who is crawling towards the far turnbuckle. AKIRA The champion looks to be in trouble here!! -Jereme grabs a hold of Spitfire's left leg and turns him over to his back...WHAM!! The fans cheer as Jereme stumbles back, courtesy of a big right boot to the face! Spitfire kips up, and with a yell, charges after Jereme... LARIAT-O!~! -Jereme slams to the mat, clutching at his head. The champion stands quickly and begins putting the boots to the challenger, who tries his best to cover up. After a good seven strong boots to the chest and head, Spitfire lets up and grabs Jereme by the hair, lifting him to a standing position...WHACK!! FANS WHOOOOO-uh!! -...WHACK!! FANS WHOoOOOoO-uh!! -Two vicious knife-edge chops blister Jereme's chest immediately, causing the Frenchman to stumble back in pain. With another yell, Spitfire charges at Jereme...who dodges, and instead performs a drop-toe-hold on the champion! CRASH! Spitfire's face hits the mat hard, and like a cheetah, Jereme attacks. He leaps onto Spitfires back and wraps his arms around his throat...REAR NAKED CHOKE!! AKIRA JEREME GREY HAS A REAR NAKED CHOKE APPLIED!! THE MATCH COULD BE OVER RIGHT HERE!! -The fans begin to chant Yoshida's name... FANS "吉田! 吉田!" -...and he begins to stand!! The rear naked choke is still locked in, but Spitfire is fighting through it!! Spitfire, starting to slightly feel the effects, let's out another yell...AND RUNS TOWARDS THE TURNBUCKLE! Right before he gets there, Spitfire frontflips...WHAM!! Jereme's back hits the turnbuckle hard, causing the young man to relinquish the hold before crumbling to the mat. AKIRA A FRONT FLIP TURNBUCKLE SMASH!! FANS オハイオ州私の神!! 刺激! -Jereme clutches at his back as Spitfire stands slowly. The fans are once again chanting his name... FANS "吉田! 吉田!" -...Spitfire smiles and salutes the fans, before picking Jereme up. He pushes the challenger into the turnbuckle...WHACK!! FANS WHOOOOOoooOOooOoO-uh!! -...WHACK!! FANS WHOoOoOOOoOOoOOO-uh!! -Spitfire backs up slowly, assessing the situation, before non-chalantly walking forward. He reaches out to grab Jereme's hair, but is met with a boot to the gut. Spitfire doubles over, and without hesitation, Jereme leaps up onto the second rope, springboards off, turns 180 degrees....CRASH!! Spitfire's face eats the mat, thanks to a well-timed springboard "Fameasser!" AKIRA SPRINGBOARD FAMEASSER!! -Jereme flips Spitfire and covers, the first one of the match... 1! 2!! 3NOHEKICKEDOUTOHMYGOD!~ -Jereme rises to his knees glaring at the ref, who shows him two fingers. Jereme raises three fingers and shakes his head. He grabs Spitfire by the head and rises to his feet. Spitfire is on his knees, slowly raising his left arm to Jereme's stomach...BEFORE JEREME LEAPS UP, WRAPS HIS LEGS AROUND SPITFIRE'S ARM AND NECK, AND FALLS BACK TO THE MAT!! TRIANGLE CHOKE!! THE TRIPOD!!! AKIRA JEREME GREY HAS THE TRIPOD LOCKED IN! IT'S All OVER!! -The fans rise to their feet, cheering on both competitors! Jereme wrenches harder on the arm, trying to get the choke locked in perfectly, thusly cutting off the air supply to Spitfire's head. Spitfire's hanging on, though, waving away the referee. AKIRA Yoshida is showing tremendous heart here by not tapping, but I fear that it's too late for him either way...the Tripod is locked in tight! -The fans once again begin cheering Spitfire's name, hoping to bring some life back into their champion. ...AND IT'S WORKING!! Spitfire slowly begins to pick himself up, showing incredible strength by lifting himself AND Jereme Grey! AKIRA WHAT!?! This is incredible! This is only causing the triangle choke to become tighter, though! -Spitfire slowly maneuvers himself to face the ropes, and with one final burst of power, LIFTS JEREME GREY INTO A POWERBOMB POSITION!! AKIRA YOOOOSHIIIIDAAAAAA!!! -The fans erupt as the two struggle for supremacy. Jereme's submission of choice is STILL locked in, but Spitfire looks to have the upperhand! Spitfire moves closer to the ropes...AND TRIES TO POWERBOMB JEREME GREY OUT OF THE RING!! Jereme clasps his hand in a death grip around Spitfire's arm...AND DRAGS THE CHAMPION WITH HIM!! The two topple over the top rope to the mat's below, both hitting with a thud!! AKIRA OHHHH MY GOD THAT WAS INSANE!~! A HURRACANRANA/POWERBOMB OUT OF THE RING!! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!! FANS "南日本! *clap clap clap* プロに苦闘すること! *clap clap clap* 南日本! *clap clap clap* プロに苦闘すること! *clap clap clap*" -The two lie motionless on the mats as a replay is shown in the upper left hand corner of the screen. The ref begins his count again. 1! 2!! 3!!! 4!!!! -Jereme, surprisingly, begins to stir first... 5!!!!! 6!!!!!! 7!!!!!!! -Jereme is now standing, and he rolls into the ring...before rolling back out, re-starting the count. He shakes his head a little, trying to collect his bearings, before grabbing Spitfire's head, lifting the champion to his knees. 1! 2!! -Jereme rolls Spitfire back into the ring and slowly slides in after him. He stands and clutches at his back...WHAM!! Jereme buckles over thanks to a headbutt to the gut. WHAM!! Another head BUTT sends Jereme to a knee...and SPITFIRE IS UP!! Spitfire leaps to his feet, and with a loud yell, swings his leg around....WHACK!!!! FANS OHHHHHH!!! -Jereme clutches at his face as he drops forward. The Firebird Kick has been executed perfectly. AKIRA FIREBIRD KICK! FIREBIRD KICK! FIREBIRD KICK!! -Spitfire covers! 1! 2!! 3NOOHSHITAREYOUKIDDINGME?! -The fans erupt as Jereme's left shoulder rises off the mat. Spitfire covers his face and leans back, obviously shocked. The fans now begin to chant Jereme's name. FANS "ジェレミー! ジェレミー!" -Spitfire stands quickly, dragging Jereme up by the hair. WHACK!! FANS WHOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOoOoO!~!-uh!~ -...WHACK!! FANS WHOOooOooOoOOOoooOO00-uh!~!~ -Spitfire pushes Jereme into the ropes before Irish whipping him the opposite way. Jereme rebounds, and ducks underneath a leaping Spitfire, who, as soon as he lands, turns and runs towards the twice rebounded Jereme. With another yell, Spitfire lifts his knee, driving it straight into the gut of Jereme, causing the challenger to flip over and hit the mat with a thud. Spitfire immediately runs towards the ropes and bounds onto the second... LIONSAULT!~! CRASH!~! The fans erupt as Jereme writhes in pain. Spitfire stands quickly and leaps again... STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!~! AKIRA Spitfire is incredible!! Lionsault followed by a Standing Shooting Star Press! -Spitfire covers! 1! 2! 3NOWHAT?!AREYOUFUCKINGSERIOUS?!THAT'SINSANE!~! AKIRA JEREME GREY KICKED OUT!!!!!! -Spitfire stands slowly, shaking his head in disbelief. Spitfire looks out at the thousands of fans...and makes a cutting motion across his throat, letting out a primal yell. The fans rise to their feet as Spitfire slowly climbs up the turnbuckle, his back facing Jereme. AKIRA Spitfire is going to be looking for that Phoenix Fury Legdrop!~ -With the nation of Japan watching him, Spitfire looks out at the crowd...AND LEAPS!! He twists magnificently in the air...BUT JEREME ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Spitfire hits the mat with a crash, the impact causing him to bounce up to a standing position. Jereme stands, sees his opportunity...AND LEAPS UP! Jereme grabs hold of Spitfire's left arm and wraps his legs around it and the champions neck! THE TRIPOD HAS BEEN LOCKED IN AGAIN!! AKIRA TRIPOD! TRIPOD! TRIPOD!! -The fans erupt and rise to their feet as Jereme wrenches on Spitfire's arm, all while turning his legs into a powerful vice. Jereme maneuvers the champion away from the ropes...and it's completely locked in!! Spitfire has NOWHERE to go!! AKIRA It could be all over here!! -Jereme clenches his teeth as he pulls tighter on the arm. Spitfire's face slowly starts to turn blue...the referee checks.... ...AND SPITFIRE TAPS OUT!!!!!! AKIRA HE TAPPED!! YOSHIDA "SPITFIRE" SHIMIZU TAPS TO THE TRIPOD!! WE HAVE A NEW SJPW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! -Jereme lets go of the hold and lays back. His hard work has finally payed off, and he is now the proud owner of wrestling gold. He slowly rises to his knees as the ref hands him the Cruiserweight belt, and Jereme immediately raises it above his head. KATSU KOBAYASHI 勝者... および新しいSJPW[Your winner...and NEW SJPW WORLD CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION...JEREMEEEEEEEEEEE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!] AKIRA Jereme Grey fought his way from the bottom and defeated the best this company has to offer in a record time!! He deserved this win in a very hard fought battle! Congratulations to Jereme Grey!! -The screen switches back to Spitfire hanging his head in shame as he walks up the ramp, Jereme Grey standing victoriously in the background, the title belt held high above his head... -FADE to... Cut backstage, where Maggie Nerdly and Jade Rodez are having a discussion around the proverbial water cooler. MAGGIE Are you sure you want to do this, Jade? JADE I've wanted to go after the women's title for a long time, Mag. I'm not letting anything get in my way. MAGGIE But it could be dangerous, I mean you don't know what Malaysia's capable of... (off-screen) Ladies! The camera zooms out to catch Reject walking up with a smile on his face, along with Thunderkid. REJECT Hope I'm not interrupting...I just came to apologize for last week. I really wish that you didn't have to see what happened in that parking lot. MAGGIE (hesitantly) Well, it's...not, all your fault. Jade isn't buying it, as she shoots an icy glare at Reject. Reject catches the look, and immediately gets defensive. REJECT Hey, he came up and put his hands on me, okay? I had to defend myself. You know how it is! I didn't ask for Sandman's help, and frankly, I didn't need it. Speaking of which...I also want you to pass on my well wishes to your uncle tonight, in his match. Just to know there's no hard feelings. Jade rolls her eyes. JADE Let's go, Maggie. As Maggie walks off, Reject raises his thumb and pinky up to his head and mouths "call me!", then turns to TK. REJECT See, I told you I was irresistable. TK (looking noticeably distracted) Haha, yeah. And I know tonight, Sandman won't be able to resist opening more wounds on that pretty little head of Leon's. Reject cracks a sly smile at TK. TK What? REJECT What do you mean, "what?" Don't think I didn't notice you watching her leave. TK Oh, please, are you kidding me? REJECT Seriously, you want to get some of that, I can hook it up! I've got ties now, man! TK Really? Well, I don't think those "ties" outweigh the fact that I have to wrestle her mother tonight. REJECT Big deal. Hey, you can negotiate with her in the ring tonight! You know, score some brownie points! TK has a puzzled look on his face. REJECT Come on, I'll tell you what you do. Reject puts his arm around TK, and the tag champs walk off to discuss things. *back to Sofa Central* COLE Hasn't Reject done enough in the past few weeks? What's he up to now? COACH What are you talking about? COLE First he invades on Leon's relationship with Maggie, now he's going to try to set up TK with Leon's niece? COACH Whoa, back up, Cole. What do you mean "invade?" Reject may be into himself, I'll admit that, but I've seen nothing so far to indicate that his interest in Maggie isn't real. Where do you get off implying that? COLE Well, it sort of looked like Reject was the one pushing to make a connection between TK and Jade. And might I say, Jade has way better taste than that! No chance! COACH Well, Cole...TK did kind of get his hand caught in the cookie jar there by Reject! COMMERCIAL

While Akon's thumping plays we see Brminigham's Linn Park established in 1873 as part of a campagin to move the capital from Montgomery to Birminigham. The park was first renamed, for Woodrow Wilson, after World War I. It was later renamed Linn Park to honor Charles Linn, who created the first landscaped park in the city. Knowledge is power, people, and I'm giving you DA POWER! As we return to the arena, "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits. Through the sparkles left behind by a quick burst of pyro, Todd Cortez marches out ready for action. COLE Todd Cortez coming off a big victory in War Games, AGAINST the group of which he is contracted, Cucaracha Internacional. And against his supposed boss, Landon Maddix. COACH Cortez shouldn't even be here after he used that Riot Act Plus at The Great Angle Bash! COLE But as we found out, the deal is off. Landon made the agreement with AngleSault but was never put into writing. The Riot Act Plus is reinstated in the OAOAST, mainly because Landon was all too willing for Cortez to use it three days before on Zack Malibu! That voided the deal in Josie Baker's eyes. And now the power has shifted at the top, things have changed for Todd Cortez. COACH But one thing hasn't changed, he's STILL a member of Cucaracha Internacional, like it or not! Cortez enters the ring and removes his bulletproof vest and gold cross as the introductions finally begin. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... MADDIX CORTEZ! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" And the introductions are abruptly interrupted. The fans howl derision as LANDON MADDIX appears on the AngleTron, bandaged up after the damage done in War Games. Landon wears a scowl on his face as Megan stands at his side, hand comfortingly on his shoulder. MADDIX Todd Cortez, I must ask... what in the HELL is wrong with you!? Huh!? In the ring, Cortez stares up at the big screen. MADDIX Another month, another betrayal of trust. I am sick to death of this! I continue to give you second chances to make something of yourself and you continue to keep throwing it back in my face. There's only so much one man can take Cortez. Landon scowls again, milking the injuries from War Games. MADDIX Cortez... once again you have crossed the line with me. You've crossed it such a way that there is no turning back now. See, I'm sure you feeling pretty proud of yourself. You've got your 'move' back. You got your win. You got one over on me in War Games. And you feel like you got away with it. Well there couldn't be anything further from the truth. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" MADDIX Just what in the hell are you expecting to happen as a result of all this? You think that if you keep turning your back on me, sooner or later I'll let you be the 'superstar' you want to be? You really think it's that easy? Cortez, you are NOTHING without me. It's all about freedom in that thick skull of yours. Yet you don't realise what 'freedom' is going to mean for you in this cold, harsh environment. Maybe one day you'll finally get what you want. Miracles happen, after all. Maybe one day you'll FINALLY cast off the shackles, step out of my shadow, you'll go out and you'll make fortnightly appearances on this show, maybe win a meaningless title somewhere down the road. Is that what you want? You want me to let you be your own man, survive on your own mistakes? Keep toiling away until one day you reach that holy grail when the OAOAST trawl through 10 years of footage to scrape together a DVD for ya? Because you know what, when they do, they're gonna have to call it Todd Cortez: The Landon Maddix Story! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cortez, leant over the ropes, rolls his eyes. MADDIX Let me spell this out to you one more time and rest assured, this WILL be the last time. It's not... going... to happen. Give it up already. You're worse than Hilary Clinton for god's sake! COLE There's a fresh reference. COACH Shh! MADDIX People like you are a dime a dozen. You just got lucky by getting tangled up in La Cucaracha's coattails! It could have been any number of people leeching off of my popularity, my talent. I was four-time SWF Tag Champion, I could have picked any number of followers. Hell, I STILL could. The common denominator is La Cucaracha. You are just a warm body. I could take anybody, ANYBODY AT ALL, and make them twice the man you are. I... hey, you, get over here! Come on... Landon motions off screen and calls over a rather confused looking MR. BORICUA. MADDIX How do you fancy being a somebody? A right-hand man, somebody I can trust, you fit the bill, all you've gotta do is listen and learn from yours truly. Engage brain, not mouth. Understand? What do you say? Boricua kinda shrugs and Landon promptly sends him on his way. MADDIX You see Cortez, it would be THAT simple to replace you! Now I don't have a clue who that was, but he could be everything you're not. Hardly able to believe this mad rambling, Cortez continues to watch on. MADDIX You may have the right to do your little fancy flip piledriver back. And you may well have caused me to lose War Games... again. (Landon pauses, gritting his teeth) But that is going to be the very LAST high-point in your life until you finally see sense and admit that I am your superior!! See, at War Games, I saw you for what you really are. An ANIMAL! You stood over me with that spike in your hand... and I looked at the sadistic look in your eyes. You're a sick man. A disgrace. You've lost my respect in many ways Todd Cortez, for your lack of gratitude, for your insubordination. Sunday, you lost my respect as a human-being. Which is why you are STILL the lowest man in the Cucaracha Internacional pecking order, you will REMAIN the lowest man in the lowest man in the Cucaracha Internacional pecking order... and Cortez, unlike the past, I will have NO regrets about seeing your career waste away until you do something to redeem yourself to me! So with that said, as your contract holder, your match tonight is officially cancelled! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What!? Can he do that? COACH Apparantly he can. Cortez holds his hands on his hips, seemingly asking the same question Michael Cole just did. Referee Mike Chioda seems confused as well having been assigned this match and not told about any cancellations. COLE Well... I'm hearing through my headset, we are infact going to a break! I guess Maddix HAS cancelled this match, I can't believe this! COACH Well you know what they say Michael. A... LATER TONIGHT HEARTLAND TITLE LEON RODEZ VS SANDMAN9000 LATER COMMERCIAL

I can tell ya'll one thing! This ain't going up on Thursday! Money in the Bank tournament matches!!! ThunderKid Vs Krista Isadora Duncan do not call mainevent!

Brought to you by American Express Taped: July something or other First air date: Sometime in July! Damn, quit sweatin ya man! Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah $Money In The Bank Tournament First Round Match$ The Mad Cappa Vs Cuban Wall The match began with a basic feeling out process that suited Wall's lumbering very well. With little trouble, he was able to contain Cappa with headlocks and snapmares. Unfortunately Wall couldn't keep the plodding pace for very long as Cappa turned a pedestrian side headlock into crushing back body drop. From there it was Cappa that owned control of the match, beating down his foe with fast moving offense. After nailing Wall with a double arm ddt, Cappa decided it was time to attempt a Bust a Cap. However Wall broke free of the finisher and struck Cappa with a twisting spine buster that got a close two count. After that the match was all Wall, and he targeted Cappa's back without mercy. After seemingly crippling his foe with a spinning back breaker, Wall came off the ropes with a body splash aimed at Cappa's back. But at the last moment, the DC native slid out the way, and Wall suffered through a terrible crash into the mats bellow! Cappa quickly attempted to capitalize with The Walls of Cappa, however Wall powered out of the hold and stunned Cappa with The Wallbreaker followed by the Lightning Crew Splash for a pin. With that victory Wall advances through the tournament to face the winner of ThunderKidand Krista. Winner and advancing to the second round: Wall via pinfall. Backstage we saw Sophie Grey chatting with Holly-Wood and Logan Mann. Understanding them might have been a bit difficult for most of our viewers as the native of France spoke with HeldDOWN's leading couple entirely en Francais! However it didn't take years of French to understand Josie's disgust when she mentioned the names of D*LUX. With cockiness soaking off his foreign words, Logan seemingly promised to handle one of D*LUX later tonight. Backstage, Josh Matthews sat down with EMT Cash, his face wrapped in bandages. Despite his terrible Cash was full of energy as he laid into Jock for selling out the ideals of the Rescue 911 team. Cash showed the camera pictures of better times with Bosley, and said he thought that meant something. Now that he realized it didn't, he tore all the pictures to shreds. He stated that R911 never may have had the success of The Enterprise at least they could look themselves in the mirror every night. “Now, Bosley doesn't he even have that luxury” Cash said he hoped that Bosley would have the good sense to see the side of good, but if he doesn't Cash said all he'll see is the “underside of my boot!” Denzel Spencer Vs Reggie Lamont W/Felix Strutter The animosity between these two former partners was evident before the match even officially got underway, with Lamont sending his massive physique crashing through the ropes to topple Spencer with a lariat. Left wounded by the assault, Denzel was brutally thrown around the outside area by RL. As the match hadn't even officially began, Strutter was able to aid his comrade in laying into their foe. After they concluded their beatdown, the chortling duo rolled Spencer into the ring, only to get a two count! As both Lamont and Strutter argued the count, Spencer desperately tried to regain his strength. When he finally found his energy, he assaulted Lamont with a torrent of punches to the back. Lamont struggled to fight back, but could do nothing against the kicks Spencer aimed at his legs. Nearly crippled, Strutter fell victim to a t-bone suplex that almost scored a three count. Despite searing pain in his limbs, the big man managed to rise off the canvas and offer weak punches in his defense. Spencer shrugged off these piddling attacks to whip Lamont into the corner. He landed stomach first into the the ring posts, and suffered from that error through a body splash by Spencer. After staggering from the posts he was caught by a rolling wheel kick that sent blood spilling out his mouth and him spilling to the canvas. But ringside distractions from Strutter caused him to miss his chance, and provided Lamont with all the time needed to recuperate. Back on somewhat even footing, the former friends traded blows and punches before Lamont mowed Spencer down with a fierce lariat! That devastating strike was followed up by a pair of neckbreakers and a brainbuster, that gave way to the always exciting reverse chinlock! The move appeared to be doing its job in wrenching and grinding on Spencer's neck, and the audience feared a submission. The fans clapped their hands and stomped their feet, movements that annoyed Lamont and rallied Spencer to his feet. A parade of elbows won Spencer his freedom and he soon began overwhelming Lamont with his lightening fast kicks! After blocking a roundhouse, Lamont charged to the ropes, bouncing off with a high knee lift that Spencer countered with a leaping side kick! Fearing the worst for his ally, Felix Strutter ascended onto the apron. However, the former world champion was blasted off by a running elbow smash from Spencer! While the audience cheered Strutter's misfortune, Spencer charged back towards his fallen foe, and was speared by James Riggs! That unexpected bit of interference lead senile referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to call for a DQ in Reggie Lamont's favor. Winner: Reggie Lamont via DQ???? Post match Riggs joined with Lamont and Strutter to pummel the beaten Spencer with stomps and celebrate with sadistic smiles and high fives. Thankfully the rotund duo of Jumo and Deuce Deuce rushed to (I use that term as loose as Jumbo keeps his pants) the ring to save their friend from further beatings. On the interview stage Tony Brannigan stood with the always sometimes never lovely, but always blond and beautiful, Mackenzie DeCenzo. Brannigan, who had his amount of tense interviews with The Enterprise, was in a strangely pleasurable mood standing next to Moneymaker's right hand woman. Why, you might ask? Perhaps because his topic of conversation was her ex-girlfriend Alix's return to the OAOAST months after the breakup to their tumultuous relationship. Not surprisingly the normally obnoxiously wordy blond was silent as a clam at this question. Brannigan wondered how she must feel knowing that her 15 minutes of fame on E! and TMZ came to a screeching halt when Alix dumped her. Mackenzie insisted that she wasn't dumped, it was a mutual parting. Brannigan said he saw Alix's photo assistants dumping Mackenzie's stuff on the sidewalk in front of her condo in US Weekly. Visibly annoyed, Mackenzie attempted to make herself seem like the good girl in a relationship with a violent, temperamental drug fiend. Realizing that the crowd wasn't buying that, she asked Brannigan why people weren't talking about the technical wizardy of Nathanial Black, the high flying talents of Jamie O'Hara, the smash mouth brawling of Tango Bosley. When Brannigan asked since when did Mackenzie give a hoot about wrestling, she replied “since everyone kept asking me about my failed lesbian relationship!” Mackenzie did have some good news for (almost) everyone in the Money In The Bank Tournament, she announced that Theodore Moneymaker would give whoever eliminated Krista from the tournament 15% of his shares in TSM. Mackenzie went to say that bounties have been offered before in wrestling, but rarely ever work. “That's because wrestlers are far too simple minded to understand the value of the dollar, but what they and anyone else can comprehend is power. Teddy is giving them more power than they've ever known.” At that point ThunderKid, Krista's first round opponent, joined us on stage backed up by the cane wielding Sandman. Kid said that several months ago when the OAOAST was up in arms over who was Krista's child, he prayed every night to be her son. But, now he's come to realization that Krista is a cheap, fake, Hollywood product, no more real “then the so called reality shows you morons lap up like dogs dying of starvation!”. ThunderKid insisted that as one half of the tag team champions and former Heartland champ, he's what's real in this world. He promised that everyone would see what a real threat he is when he ends Krista's year long winning streak and takes her out the tournament. Then he said that as a bonus the world would be able to see “real violence, real destruction, and a real homicide” when Sandman “mutilates that gelled haired Rodez punk” in their Heartland title match. What does ThunderKid have against well kept hair???? You know what Syndicated needs more of? Short, pudgy, luchadores in teeny bikini briefs. Los Diablos aimed to give us just that with the first ever “¡zócalo! All male revue” While Mariachi and Moracca may have been ¡Guácala! in pink leather speedos that reveled and unshaven bikini line (ahhh!), the lineup of six hot hardbodied hunks were en fuego! Mariachi and Moracca asked all their homies in attendance to help them decide which lucky stud muffin would be crowned king of the “¡zócalo! All male revue” and get to spend one night of passion in their motel room. The contestants strutted their stuff and worked their ahem total package with scintillating dance moves that nearly caused the luchadores to faint from an erotic overload. Unfortunately their heavenly party was interrupted by the emergence of Mister Dick and Malaysia. Jock cruised to the ring and gruffly ordered the contestants to depart. With his BUTT revealing chaps and shredded body lathered in baby oil, he was enough of a pleasuring sight to make Los Diablos forget about their beefcake. The duo welcomed Jock to dance with them, but despite his revealing outfit Mulligan wasn't up for having a gay old time. He derided the competition as insult to his beauty, and an affront to his crown as handsomest man in the OAOAST. Jock said that pretenders to his throne wouldn't be tolerated, and anyone who dares to showcase them would be punished. That was Malaysia's cue and she struck down both Diablos with her whip! The crowd chanted for Baron, and as Jock lifted Mariachi up for the Pure Penetration, The Gunslinger himself emerged from the stands! Not wanting any of Baron, Jock let his victim go free and he and Malaysia high tailed it out the ring. As the crowd applaud his efforts, Baron leaned over the ropes and told Jock “You'll get your's, son!” THIS WEEK ON HeldDOWN~! Too much shit to copy and paste! ***Logan Mann W/Holly-Wood Vs Tyler Bryant W/Shayne Brave*** Sugary boybands vs trashy metal! The OAOAST version of battle of the bands kicked off with Logan immediately trying to strike Bryant with a Percussion DDT. Thankfully for D*LUX fanclub members around the globe, Bryant battled free of the front facelock set up. He then stunned Mann with a hurricanrana pinfall that earned a close two count. Back on their feet, the two traded knife edge chops that gained the requiste whoo's from the crowd. Midway thorough the tenth whoo, Shayne swept Logan's legs from under him and nearly caved in his stomach with a high reaching senton! Mann quickly scrambled to his feet, but had his stomach pains further increased by a stomach crusher. Bryant then wowed his adoring fans and pushed Logan further to the brink of vomiting with a spring board frog splash. That might have gotten three had Holly not worked her way onto the apron to distract Tyler, because well, redheads are pretty hot. Tyler abruptly ended his pinfall, but did so only to inform Holly that she's no Krista! Seeking to defend his wife's honor, Logan knocked Bryant through the ropes with a running double knee strike. Though the Tremendous one landed on the apron, he was still facing a sizable amount of pain as Logan dragged him into the air for a vertical suplex. However, the youngster slipped out the hold and shimmied down Mann's body for a pin that saw Earl Hebner's hand hit the mat twice before a kickout. Tyler then brought Logan to his feet but was taken by surprise with a jaw breaker. Logan then wound up and blasted the teenybopper with a pair of left crosses. Sent toppling to the corner, Bryant was battered with the tried and true corner ten punches. His pain grew greater when Logan lept into the sky and drove his knee into the tip of his forehead. A rivulet of blood tricked down his cheeks, just enough to trickle tears down the cheeks of many girls in the audience. Logan didn't much care for their calls of mercy, and caught Bryant with a face crusher. He proceeded to do more damage to the Deteroiter's cute looks with a running knee drop and an elbow smash. Tyler valiantly fought to his feet but was brought down by a shoulder tackle aimed directly at his face. Again Tyler stood upright, but had no defense against a spinning elbow from the rock n wrestling icon. Now grounded from all the strikes lashed against his face, Tyler was caught in a move that was basically a body scissors face gouge! This certainly didn't please the crowd or Shayne, and they begged Bryant to stage a comeback. The three time HI-YAH tag champion granted their wish, and fought through Logan's cheap tacticts with wild body blows. Heading upright, he met the MACHO Macho Mann with a furious round of punches that allowed him to whip his rival towards the ropes. When Logan returned, Tyler hit him with a Samoan Drop! Moving with haste, he hooked Logan's leg for a pin but found he could only get a two. Back on their feet, the two men traded punches with Logan gaining the upperhand from a left uppercut. Two more body blows, weakened Bryant to the point where Mann was able to trap him into a double underhook. Up Bryant went, and down he came courtesy of an underhook suplex. Logan then taunted the capacity crowd as he climbed to the top rope. As the boos reached their highest point of the night, Mann flew off with an elbow drop. However, his arm crashed violently into the canvas when Tyler slid his body out the way! Although physically decimated by his errant move, Mann dragged himself off the canvas. Unfortunately he stood himself up right into a school boy from Bryant. “Tremendous” Tyler held Logan down with a hook of the tights for the match deciding three count! Winner: Tyler Bryant, via pinfall Post match Tyler scrambled out the ring to join Shayne, protection against an irate Logan Mann. The defeated wrestler stomped about the ring loudly complaining about the illegal tactics at use.

I knew that!!! No srsly i really did. I always meant for it to be Sophie in the segment but for some dumb ass reason typed Josie. But its fixed!

just to make sure everyone's clear on the 1st round schedule, here's how the matchups actually look over the month. speak ya peace if you have an issue July 3rd, 2008 - Oklahoma City, OK O'Hara vs. Reject (FINISHED) Fly vs. Leon (FINISHED) July 10th, 2008 - Birmingham, AL Cappa vs. Wall Krista vs. TK July 17th, 2008 - Nashville, TN Baron vs. Alf Mr. Dick vs. Bohemoth July 24th, 2008 (Big Apple Spectacular) - NYC CW vs. Maddix Heat vs. Faqu

WOOOOOOW! OAOAST, I got some words for you. KC, and I (with creative consultation from tony) are doing big dogg things as always, and have stolen concocted a brilliant scheme. A damn brilliant scheme. One worthy of adulation and praise from worshipers near and far. Our idea is that 16 wonderful OAOAST souls will be invited to participate in a Money In The Bank tournament, in which the winner gets a contract that guarantees a world title match anytime they want. Hopefully, we'll think of a better name for the tournament. If we don't its not because we're uncreative, its because we just don't want to (true story). So the tournament would be announced at the GAB, begin the HD after the PPV (July 3rd), and would go until Angleslam (August 31st) where the finals would take place. I'll post the exact schedule later. Between KC and I we've filled 8 out of 16 spots. So what we're asking the rest of ya'll thugs is if there's anyone you want in the tournament, or can volunteer, because lord knows there is plenty of room for 'em. And, hey, if you could write a match or two, that'd be ever so lovely! KC, if you got anything to add, then speak ya peace, soulja boy.

Hmmm, KC if you have an updated version of the skit, you can use it, because this is just what I sent you. Unless this was supposed to be for the 7/11 show and not this current one, then uh oops! [b]TAPED WEDNESDAY JULY 2ND KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN'S HOME LOS ANGELES[/B] After Molly's fancy student grant provided helicopter flies over the Beverly Hills compound, our view switches to a slow stroll to Krista's modernist kitchen: [img=http://www.luxury-kitchen-design.com/pages/portfolio/portImgs/dipernaOverall.jpg] Except there are people in here! Maya sits at the clear glass kitchen table tying her flowing blond hair into a ponytail. Her bright red soccer jersey reflects beautifully off the surrounding glass, making her seem the dominant figure in the shot. Adding to Maya's dominance is Jade's low key soft colored outfit of grey track pants and a white Love Generation babydoll shirt. Krista's oldest leans against the counter, listening with some curiosity to a voice message on the phone. JADE Maya, who's this Conway guy who keeps calling here asking for you? Maya doesn't even bother to pause from styling her hair, answering in the most casual way possible. MAYA Conway Gallagher. He loves me. MOLLY What middle schooler would not? MAYA Exactly. But I'm not at all interested. MOLLY My, what a wise young lady you are! You know what they say about a person with two first names, god only knows what awaits those who invest trust in someone with two last names. MAYA He's just not that interesting a guy. JADE What's wrong with him? MAYA He doesn't have a facebook for starters and enders. JADE So? That unbelievable comment, so lacking in its understanding of basic youth culture, finally causes Maya to stop working with her hair and turn to Jade in shock. Thanks to some fine cinematography from Molly, Maya's blond locks are given an angelic quality by the beams of sun that shine through the window. A+ for this internship! MAYA Its 2008, who doesn't have a Facebook? Wake up and log on, Conway! It takes like two seconds to make that thing, the only reason you wouldn't have it is because no one would friend you 'cause you have no friends. JADE That's not true. I don't have a facebook. MOLLY Yes, that's her point. JADE I have friends. MAYA Names. JADE Um, Leon. MAYA He's your brother...cousin...uncle? JADE Its hard, I know. MOLLY He most assuredly does not count. Family is barred from this discussion. Unless they're imaginary family. MAYA Why would you need to make up imaginary family members? You have eight sisters. MOLLY Spend some time with them, and you will truly know why. JADE Uh...Maggie is my friend. So is Melody. MAYA Melody is trying to nab Leon from Maggie, right? Jade jerks her head back as though she were the one being accused of girlfriend nabbing. JADE We don't really know that! MAYA Whatever! I wouldn't trust that girl. She plays dorky and innocent, but she knows exactly what she's doing. If Gossip Girl teaches us anything its that, your friends and family are only around to stab you in the back right before a two minute commercial break. JADE Back to Conway, I think you should give him a chance. MOLLY I do believe it would be in the boy's best interest if you stayed far away from him, before your mother castrates him. JADE Just because he doesn't have a facebook doesn't mean he's a bad guy or a loser. And if he is a loser, so what? Some of the coolest people I've ever met were losers. MOLLY And whom might they be? JADE Like..um..many proud graduates of loserdom..uh...just give him a chance! MAYA No chance, old woman, I am not hanging out with him, I am blocking his texts, and if he comes near me in the cafeteria he'll be spending fourth period pulling a tray full of taco salad out of his pants. I'd pay Molly's sister to hack his facebook but oh wait, he doesn't have one. JADE Old woman?! I'm only a couple years older than you. Maya laughs at Jade's incredulous response. MAYA Hey, are you still gonna drive me to soccer? JADE These old bones and this terrible arthritis makes it kind of hard to grip the steering wheel. But I'll try. Go on and get ready. Maya scurries out of the room to fetch her cleats, because only a disgusting slob would let their child wear cleats in the house. As she enters the room, she passes Alix, who gives a playful rub on the head, totally destroying Maya's carefully crafted ponytail/braid combo. Alix, in a Chris Pronger Ducks jersey, approaches with unusual caution, and her voice is an odd whisper. ALIX Hey, Jade, are we like cool and stuff? With Maya being exactly like Krista, Jade figures it'll be a good half hour before she can return her hair the way she wants, and so sits down with time to kill. JADE Uh, why wouldn't we be? ALIX I've been thinking, which isn't usually a good thing, that's how I wound up wanted in six South American countries and the head of the Hitler Youth. But you know, like, I kinda did a really mean thing you a few months ago. Like, its my fault you're here. I told Mackenzie you were Krista's kid, and I didn't know she'd tell Moneymaker, but she did and things just went, totally crazy. I was so mad at Krista, that I put you in a really crappy position, and I kind of ruined your life. JADE You didn't ruin my life! ALIX Yeah, but, like, if I hadn't said anything to Mackie about you being Krista's daughter, everything would still be nice and chill for you. JADE But it wouldn't be real. My life might be calmer if I never found out Krista was my mom, but it would be a lie. I love my grandparents in Grand Rapids, but I love my mom to. I love being with her. Its been hard, its been hectic, and its been a major adjustment for me, and I'm still having trouble with it. I feel like I have so much to live up to, and I don't know if I can actually do it. But, I wouldn't trade it for my old life. Not at all. Things may be hard to handle sometimes, but beneath it all, I'm happy with my mom and my sister. ALIX The way you found out, with, like, Moneymaker, that was soooo sucky, though. Like, I felt bad for you, and I still feel bad. JADE It was bad and it hurt for quite a while. But I'm glad that I know the truth. And you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm happy that you're back. ALIX So you don't wanna just up and slug me in the stomach? JADE Nope! ALIX Gnarly! Then I won't be needing this! Alix takes off her hockey jersey to reveal a bullet proof vest, which she discards with just as much thought as the hockey jersey. As Jade wonders what type of super strength Alix thinks she owns, the brunette makes an odd hand motion towards the window. JADE What was that hand motion for? ALIX Ohhhhhh nothin much! I just had some snipers strategically placed on the grounds to shoot you if you laid a hand on me. They're gone now! Gone back to their duty of making sure Terry doesn't rummage through the underwear drawers. Dude, like, I already know Shayne and Tyler are the official government sponsored panty inspectors around this house, who does he think he's fooling? JADE Um... Before Jade can inform Alix that “panty inspector” might be another term for “stalker”, Krista glides into the room. KRISTA Jade, honey, you're gonna take Maya to soccer practice, right? JADE Yes. I promised her I would. KRISTA Oh, honey, that's abfab! Do you know why I love having an older daughter? ALIX I dunno, so you can shove of your mommy duties on her, and load up with Mermosas and Valium and watch John and Kate Plus 8 on TLC all day. KRISTA Those kids are adorable, aren't they! ALIX Oh my god, I know! We should have one of our own. KRISTA I'm not sure I'm really ready for one of us to get pregnant... ALIX Pregnancy? What are ya talkin about? I just meant steal one of their kids! JADE Mom, I have something to tell you. Something very important. Very. KRISTA Ahhhh, here it is. The day every mother comes to dread with every fiber in her being. The day that you look at your daughter with eyes flooding with searing tears, mouth quivering, and you wonder, “where, god, where did I go wrong.” I did all the right things for her, I sent her to an all girls' school, I enrolled her in golf and tennis lessons, I compared cutting cucumbers to chopping off the penis of our oppressors, I cut her hair into a buzzcut and dressed her in flannel until she was 10, and yet my daughter is heterosexual! Here, Jade, here! (Krista grabs a blender off the counter) Put my bleeding heart into this Krista Isadora Duncan endorsed and designed Cusinart blender available at fine department stores across this great land, God Bless America, land of the free home of the brave. Put it in! Jade stands up and takes a deep breath, just stalling for time before she makes her large announcement. JADE I'm not a heterosexual. I mean, I am, but that's not important! What I want to say, is that I want to concentrate on becoming the OAOAST's women's champion. ALIX Wait wait wait a minute Mister Postrman! There's a women's championship? Like, for really real? Awww dude, I've been wrestling dudes like Logan, and Jock, who look like they oughta wear a helmet and a drool cup, when I could've been poppin bottles of Hennessy and gettin my freak on with Melody? Oh lawd, just stab a bitch with justice!! KRISTA Yes, well, honey, as a Jew I'm very encouraged by your quest to obtain a valuable precious metal from a woman named after a country with a majority Muslim population. But, as your mother, I don't know... Jade looks disappointed with Krista's lack of enthusiasm. JADE You think its a bad idea. KRISTA Bad idea: casting Brandon Fraser in any role that isn't wearing a chicken suit in front of Rosco's Chicken and Waffles offering coupons for free buckets of drumsticks to passerbys. This isn't a bad idea...this is an [i]idea[/i]. I have good paint, and I have a bad paint, I just don't know which one to paint this idea with! ALIX Ooooh oooh oooh, paint is epic! Its sooooo my favorite food. Oh my god, dudes, for real, where else can you find a low carb taste treat and a gateway to a universe where unicorns rule with an iron fist and man is hunted for sport and pleasure? KRISTA Jade, where was such a fantastic thought was born? When I took you to the WNBA game it was to see if you could hook up with Candace Parker on the downlow, not to get all [i]Million Dollar Baby[/i] on me. JADE This is something I want to do. For you. When Grandmother..is it safe to call her that, she doesn't have spies here does she...when she talks about you, think of all the great stuff she can say. My daughter had her own television show, my daughter has wrote five New York Times Best Sellers, my daughter was on the cover of Vogue, my daughter was named the sexiest woman alive. I don't even think she knows what an OAOAST is but imagine if she did! What can you say about me? I slaughtered Leon at Children's Trivial Pursuit. Big deal, I read all the answers before hand and I spiked his drink. What can you say about me? KRISTA That I love you very much. JADE I want you to be able to say more. I can't act, so that's out. I can't sing. ALIX You can't do fitness videos, because ya got fatty-fat-fat thighs. You can't do runway modeling because ya got those fat thighs, and when you walk they kinda, like, rub together and make that super weird noise. Molly, how's it go? MOLLY Creeeek-creeeek-creeeeek. ALIX Naaah, its more like Sqqqqqueeeek-Sqqqqqueeeeek-Sqqqqqueeeeek. Do we have any fried chicken around? Just kind of rub the drum sticks together really fast, you'll get the sound! Molly must've gotten bored in the editing room, because cartoon smoke begins rising from Jade's head JADE We get the point. Really, all that's left is wrestling. I have to do this. KRISTA Jade, baby, maybe you don't understand because you're not a mom, but none of that matters. I love you because of who you are, not what you are. The only thing you have to do to make me proud is be you! ALIX And never have sex with a man. KRISTA Obviously. JADE I'm sorry, mom, but I've made up my mind. I want that title and I'm going after Malaysia. And you can't stop me. You could actually. Very easily in fact. Hopefully you won't!

where has the summer gone, my sweet friends? from Oklahoma City, OK!

word! Because of GAB gettin posted on a Tuesday, we're bumpin HD all the way back to Saturday to give a bigger turn around time between shows. 149's gonna be posting this piece so if you're the sending type of dude, send everything to him.

as i told 149 this match has been done for a while, but damn its a difficult thing pressing new topic. its hard out there for a pimp [i]We can dance if we want to We can leave your friend behind 'Cause your friends don't dance And if they don't dance They're no friends of mine!”[/b] The Target Center may not own any desires to dance, but Vinny Valentine has every inclination to put some “motion into the ocean”. He bursts through the entrance doors, coming between the frantic journeys of intense purple, gold, and teal spotlights, and running into a wall of thick green fog. Inside that colorful prison he begins busting out classic disco moves, that already have the crowd openly groaning. Vinny is far to enamored with his questionable dancing ability to notice their disdain, and his snake skin boots continue grooving along the floor , while legs, covered in brown and black snake skin bell bottoms, make strange awkward kicking motions. These uncontroleld greatly worry his near by partner, Biff Atlas, who already is fretting over a potential fire from the build up of smoke. Rico De Janiero, clad in Brazilian flag tights, tries to calm Biff down with the gift of mardi gras beads around the collar of his safety vest. Sadly, Biff takes the gift all to literally and rips open his vest to show his boobs. Lucius Soul, clad in plain beige pants that offset wild zebra print shoes, drives a sparkling blue 'fro prick through his hair as he laughes in tandem to the horrible music. Vinny quickly gathers his charges and escorts them down the ramp with the battle cry of “LET'S KEEPIN ON TRUCKIN, BABY!” BUFFER The following three on four differently abled contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Now making, their way to the ring, first from Venice Beach he is BIFFFF ATLAS! And from New Orleans, Louisiana, LUCIUS “SWEET” SOUL! From Rio De Janerio, he is RICO DE JANEIRO. And their so fly, so fresh, so cool, leader, coming out of Brooklyn, New York, the disco duck, VINNY VALENTINE! Vinny greets the announcement of his name by performing a ridiculous twirl that nearly pokes Biff's eye out. Good thing he's wearing safety goggles! COLE Vinny Valentine the brains, or stupidity If you prefer, behind all this. He of all people decided to be the one to stand up to Krista's bullying, and he's recruited long-time enemies of Krista, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew as well as pressganged Biff Atlas into service. COACH Pressganged? Biff is all about making a difference in the world! Krista, and Alix, have been about shamming dudes for years. Every time a man gets a little respect around her, there comes Krista to drop 50 pounds of ether on em and son their career into oblivion. A work environment with that type of chick is unsafe, its hazardous to your career! If Biff is the safety guru he says he is, then he's gotta be about cleaning this mess up! And props to my boy Vinny Valentine, that wardrobe be mad suspect, but its bout time someone made moves to set this chick straight. Biff's reservations are more palatable and pressing then before. With fear exhausting his face into a colorless mask he pleads with his partners to spare him his imminent demise. His cries are heard by unsympathetic ears, and the cruel mouth of Rico De Janiero who orders him into the ring. On the center of the canvas, Valentine is already flexing his scrawny muscles to a disapproving crowd who drown out his triumphant shouts with boos. Soul stands atop the turnbuckles, styling his flawless fro, and ignoring the repeated worries of Atlas. COLE The Mardi Gras Homewrecking has fallen on times as of...the last year...but there was a brief moment in history where they were fast rising stars in the OAOAST. They even beat D*LUX for the HI-YAH tag titles, and speaking of Tyler and Shayne, Biff and Vinny hold two victories over them. It'll be curious to see how the kids from Detroit approach this match. COACH They'll approach it from wherever they have the best look up Krista's skirt. The hits of yesteryear keep on coming! The camera pans across an arena that exploding with a large ovation. We see the targets of this love, darting onto stage, framed by swirling and dominating blue and purple lights. Tyler and Shayne, clad in their usual denim outfits, bounce across the stage, whipping the teenage demographic into a frenzy with chest beatings, peace signs, and carefully timed flashes off their washboard abs. Standing in the center of this Tiger Beat worthy frenzy is Jade Rodez, calm and collected in her pink tracksuit. When her boys settle down somewhat, she points them towards the ring, where the heel crack their knuckles in anitipcation of a furious fight. COLE Biff, with all his worrying, and just general insanity and anger at D*LUX, forgets a very key point, that this all began when Vinny Valentine smashed a disco ball on D*LUX's head on Syndicated. If that had never happened, this match wouldn't be taking place, and he'd be off somewhere inspecting the arena's plumbing in peace and anonymity. And, now Biff has even more to be worried about, and the fans have even more to be excited about with Alix Maria Spezia making her return to the OAOAST! I wonder how well that's going to go over with Mackenzie. BUFFER And, the opponents! First, being accompanied by Jade Rodez, they weigh total combined weight, three hundred eighty two pounds... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... they are two thirds of the six man tag team champions... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! On their way to the ring, D*LUX uses salutes and high fives to fire up a front row audience that overflowing with excitement to be within inches of the teen idols. Jade walks just a bit ahead of them, and takes a seat at the announce table to the surprise of Double C. COLE Jade? Didn't expect to have you out here tonight. Welcome. JADE Mom, told me to sit here, actually. She said it might help my public speaking. Plus, she wants somebody to spray pepper spray on Coach if he makes a lesbian joke. [size=3][font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]When the red light comes on I TRANSFORM.[/color][/font][/size] [font="Arial Black"] [color="#4169E1"][i]Look in my eyes covered in Maybeline Looking like something fresh out of a magazine I can be part of your deepest fantasies You’re the detective Come solve my mystery[/i][/color][/font] The futuristic humming of Danity Kane's Bad Girls, ushers in a BOOOOOOMING reception from the sold out crowd, as a waterfall of [color="#FF00FF"][b]pink[/b][/color] pyro dives in front of the jumbo video screen. Its sparks are splashed along the stage, when its tagged by a fresh geyser of [b][color="#FF0000"]red[/color][/b] pyro . That serene pairing is then overpowered by the dominant thunder that comes from the [b][color="#FFFF00"]golden[/color][/b] pyro wall that takes over the entry way. COACH My ears! Coach's ears may be in critical condition, but his eyes are sent to heaven by the splendid image of Krista Isadora Duncan standing between the swirling of pyro haze. A white deep plunging criss crossing teddy, can scarcely hold her mind boggling breasts, as it falls into a mini skirt that's kept open sided to let the gazes of viewers feast on her award winning legs. COACH Hot dayum. Hey-uh, Jade, daughters kind of like to wear the same clothes as their mom. Yo, I'm just sayin that maybe you oughta lose that track suit and get in a lil somethin somethin... JADE Pepper spray. Whipping up a storm of faux fur, Alix happily skips across the entrance ramp, soaking in the enormous amount of welcome back cheers from a Target Center that's entirely on its feet. The roving pink and red spotlights hit her rocking body, highlighting destroyed denim cargo pants, and a pink and white stripped A&F polo top. Out of sheer luck alone, Krista is able latch onto her hyperactive partner, and still her into the most tender and loving embrace the OAOAST audience has ever seen. Giggling with unrestrained happiness, Alix turns over her shoulder and blows a cute kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. BUFFER And their partner from Los Angeles, California, being accompanied by the returning Alix Maira Spezia...(Buffer's voice is drowned out by massive roar from the audience) she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, a member of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are four time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! Hand in hand, the girls merrily skip down a ramp that's surrounded by a bevy of photo journalist. They make certain to point out a row of fans holding up a twenty foot banner that reads [b]“WELCOME BACK ALIX”[/b] in huge sparkling red letters. Once they reach the ring, Alix runs her fingers gently up and down Krista's arms, before slowly massaging her back until she reached the slender shapes of her hips. She boosts Krista's onto the ring apron, then coolly reclines against it, soaking in the love of the crowd. Krista uses her prize winning legs to caress the excitable brunette's tingling body. While Ally loses her self in her pleasuring touch, Krista shoots a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. After that Krista rolls into the ring, where's she's greeted enthusiastically by D*LUX who attempt to “delight” her with their new power ballad “You put my heart in a sleeper hold”. Free of questionable love songs, Alix gingerly situates herself next to Jade at the announce. ALIX Hey, J-Ro. Or is J-Du. Or J-RoDu. Or Barbra Walters. Anyway, hi-ya! Oh, woah, coach and cole, Ally Cat, bought presents! COACH It's a Gucci watch! ALIX It's a knock-off, babe. My uncle works for the LAPD, shocking I know, and he swiped it out the evidence locker. But don't, like, touch the inside or whatever. 'Cause he's still gotta dust it for prints and scrape it for a blood match. Enjoys, boys! COLE Alix, its great to have you back. ALIX And, I'm sooooo stoked to be back! Rehab really taught me a lot of things about myself and life! I'm all about hugs, not drugs. I feel so bad for what I did to everybody, I said some really mean things to people and that sucked and I worried alot of people that cared about me. I wanna totally apologize to anyone I hurt or offended or upset. I'm really sorry and thank you so much for your support. And just to clear the air, and stuff, I'm definitely done wrestling, I'm just gonna focus on my CD. If Katy Perry can make a crappy song about being a fake lez, I can make a crappy song about bein a real one, and be bigger than Ozzy! But, when I tried to bite the head off a bat, it bit my tongue and gave me rabies. Its with prideful authority that Rico announces that he'll start for his team. His decision is met with hearty applause and cheers from his comrades which etches a confident smirk across his face. Shayne gets the nod for his squad, due to solely to the fact that Krista covers Tyler's mouth before he can argue Shayne's starting. COLE I think Rico may have put ear plugs on to prevent the “Song trick” he falls for every single match. ALIX Awww! No sing-song from Rico! That's sucky, 'cause I really needed a reason to want to crave my ear drums out! [b]DING DING DING[/B] With impeccable timing, Rico smashes his green and yellow boot into Shayne's thin midsection. Doubled over by the strike, Showtime is unable to prevent his foe from trapping him inside a side headlock. Instantly Rico begins torquing on his foe's neck, which draws out chants of support from the teenage girls in attendance. Hearing the chants past his ear plugs, the burly Brazilian orders the screaming teens to be silent, unless they wish to incur a forced mustache ride. Apparently the threat of sexual assault is meaningless to them, and they increase the noise and power behind their song. Showtime seems able to use Rico's distraction to begin wiggling his way free of Rico's hairy arms. But De Janeiro stuns him by sweeping his leg out from under him and dropping him to the canvas! Though Showtime hits face first, he's able to quickly step to his knees. This isn't useful by any means, as Rico uses his brute strength to just shove him onto his back. Just as Shayne is adjusting himself to his positon, Rico latches onto his arm for an armlock. Even with his limb being slowly pulled from his socket, Brave has little trouble in kipping up. This provides Rico with a world of frustration and annoyance, but gives the teenage girls another reason to scream for their adored crush. [b]“WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME![/b] COLE With that much speed, Shayne is a lot like a cat. ALIX Yeah, but, you can't, like, train Shayne to poop in a box. You can try, you can intimidate him with non lethal weapons technology, but that litter box you got him for Kwanza, just isn't gonna get much use! Though on his feet, Shayne is still at the mercy of the former HI-YAH tag champion, who hurls him back to the canvas with an arm drag. “HA-HA-HA! Looking good, R.D.J, loooookin go-go-go-oooood!” Vinny celebrates, going as far as giving himself a high five. Shayne is back to his feet with surprising quickness, but again its Rico with the upper hand, driving a second knee into Brave's stomach. With his foe weakened, the South American Lothario grabs onto his wrist and throws him to the ropes. Shayne counters the whip effort by leaping onto the bottom rope, and latching onto the top one to prepare a spring board assault. Unfortunately he just so happens to be in front of Krista. And (un)fortunately his mind deviates from Rico and becomes a slave to the jumbo sized pair of breasts in front of him. Having dealt with this plenty of times before, Krista rids the ropes and her breasts of her salivating fanboy by giving him a nice hard shove. Her timing is perfect as Shayne's elbow connects right with an oncoming Rico's jaw. De Janiero is thrown to the canvas by the stinging bard where he cries out in rage and pain. Brave shows his plight zero sympathy when he strikes his downed opponent with a running knee drop! [b]“YEAAAAAAA!”[/b] shout the audience, as Shayne parades around the ring with his arms raised in celebration. Rico springs back upright and comes at Brave with arms raised into a polish hammer! But Showtime drops to his knees, laces his leg around Rico's ankle and brings him to the ground with a drop toe hold. Rico moves with great haste to get to his feet, but Brave counters any movement with an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! TWO! But, Rico kicks out of the pin! ALIX Jade, I'm like so incredibly pissed off, its just crazy. I couldn't bring your mom to orgasm last night. JADE Shouldn't that be between you and mom? ALIX Its one of those it takes a village, type of things. Your mom is the wizened elder of our tribe, and her sexual gratification is, like, the responsibility of every member of the tribe. COACH I'd like an application form for tribal membership, please. Brave applies the tag to Bryant, earning a large ovation from the sold out Target Center. The teenyboppin tag team aims to give the fans even more to cheer about as they raise Rico off the canvas. Still dazed by the dizzying pinfall, he fails to defend against an Irish whip that launches him into the ropes. However, upon his return he recovers enough of his strength to flash a lariat aimed at Brave. But Shayne ducks bellow the oncoming strike. Rico is unable to hit the breaks before he finds himself trapped inside Bryant's embrace. With a miraculous bit of strength, Bryant hoists him into his arms then slams him down onto his knee with an inverted atomic drop. With his testicles rocketing their way through his chest, De Janiero lets out and ear piercing shriek of raw misery. ALIX I guess I should kinda feel bad for Rico but it doesn't really matter or anything because he couldn't get lucky if he was a chocolate covered millionaire carrying a bag full of new shoes. As Tyler holds a whimpering Rico in place, Brave charges to the ropes. As he nears the wounded Brazilian, Bryant lets Rico go free and darts towards the cables himself. Though free of his foe's grip, there's very little Rico can do in the split second between Tyler letting him go free, and Shayne driving his boots into his thick calf muscles. De Janiero tumbles to the canvas like a chopped tree, and hollers as if that very tree just fell onto him. His pain becomes even greater when Bryant returns to impale his tennis shoes through his face! “That one was dedicated to you, Krista!” Tyler informs her. “No fair! I wanted my move to be dedicated to her!” Shayne whines, apparently not noticing the indifference on her face. “You snooze you lose, dude!” Shayne teases Tyler. COACH Man oh man, Jade, both Shayne and Tyler are dedicating moves to your mother, but no one is dedicating any to you. Isn't that terrible? JADE I...I... ALIX Ooooh oooh ooooh! Coach, dude, something really terrible happened the day you were born! COACH What? ALIX You lived! Now, hush it! In effort to one up his partner in Krista's eyes, Shayne subverts any attempts to argue and makes a mad dash towards Biff! Needless to say, panic sends the cowardly lion on frantic escape effort. Shayne seeks to defeat his escape effort this by leaping onto the second rope. As Biff's haphazard retreat brings him closer to the posts, Showtime throws himself off with a dropkick that catches Atlas right in the face! Biff is thrown from the apron, and his shouts of anguish rise in tandem with the cheers of the crowd. Elsewhere Rico is back on his feet and rumbling towards Brave. But Bryant joins his best friend in dislocating Rico's jaw with the [b]Hit Me Baby One More Time[/b] double superkick! Together they turn to Krista for approval, who sets their hearts a flutter....by sneezing. You take what you can get when you have a crush on a lesbian, that's what I always so. ALIX Sooooooo MC, what's cool with you? COLE Well, I found a place. It is a beautiful brownstone in Harlem... and I think I'm gonna buy it! ALIX Oh, my God. R-Really? COLE Yeah, it's perfect. It's even got one of those ironing boards that fold down from the wall. ALIX Oooooh awesome...A gay white man ironing in his Harlem brownstone. Like, I can't wait for, like, the neighbors to drop by. You know, to beat the piss out of you! Brave has cleared himself out the ring to allow Tyler to make a pin on Rico... ONE! TWO! But, Lucius breaks up the pinfall with a swipe of his zebra print boot. This does not sit well with the sold audience who loudly jeer his interference. “SAY SOME SHIT TO ME!” Soul hollers. “BOOOOO!” “SAY SOME MORE SHIT TO ME!” “Lucius Soul,” Krista begins, “You're the handsomest man on your team. That's not saying much. Rico De Janiero, Vinny Valentine, Biff Atlas, it looks like the latest entry to Uglypeople.com's hall of shame. You may be an awful failure in life, but at least you're not Rico. What a miserable slob! The last time he was on screen FEMA sent the OAOAST a check for two million dollars, and fifty packages of emergency rations.” COACH Jade, what do you think of Lucius Soul? JADE Me? Oh, I uh...I guess, he's kind of annoying. But..I uh...I... ALIX Yeah, Coach, like, Jade was just telling me how dudes like you and Rico are, like, the total symbol of what the OAOAST is all about. Yeah, taking B level talent and making D level shows. Good one, J.R.! Head ringing from Soul's cheap shot, Bryant isn't able to stand himself up as quickly as Rico. Thus when he rises, he's caught with a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him dazed on his feet. De Janeiro figures that the third time is a charm and whirls around to level his rival with a discus elbow smash. But Bryant greets his rotation with a basement dropkick to his knees! As Rico sinks to the canvas, hollering shrill songs of agony, Biff shakes his head at the numerous knee injuries his ally may now be susceptible to. Fortunately for Rico, Tyler doesn't attempt any more moves that target the knee and instead tightens his foe into a front facelock. His idea is to hit a DDT, but the thought is much easier than the execution and Rico's raw power gives him the ability to burst free of Tyler's bonds. He then punishes Tyler for the hell he's been put through all match, by leveling him with a simple forearm to the back. Though basic, the strike was delivered with enough force to leave Tyler winded and on the ground gasping for air. Satisfied Rico spits on Bryant, before making his way to his corner to apply the tag with Vinny Valentine. “DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD!” Vinny enters the ring smiling a bold victorious smile as his eyes fall on the prone body of Bryant. Grabbing the heartthrob by his stringy blond hair, Valentine leads him to his feet. Bryant is still short of breath from Rico's forearm, and his breathing becomes even more labored when Vinny peppers him with two quick jabs to the stomach. Tyler is out on his feet, and soon he's off his feet, as The Disco Duck clamps down on his baggy denim pants and hoists him over both shoulders. “Gimme that night fever, night fever! We know how to show it!” Vinny screams towards Krista, to little reaction from her or the fans, as neither are aware he even has a finisher named Night Fever! COACH Jade, kiddo, you obviously ain't got no idea what Tyler should be doing in this situation, otherwise you'd be sayin it. You wanna know what Da Coach would do? ALIX Fart a little and then deny it? Vinny twirls Tyler around in an effort to irritate the crowd before he finishes their favorite boybander off with his version of the Alabama Slam. Yet his whirling dervish routine also irritates Biff Atlas, who reminds him off the pitfalls of nausea and indigestion that comes from such spinning. For whatever reason, Vinny actually pauses to listen to Biff. And that moment of indecision is all Bryant needs to shimmy down Vinny's slender back, and attempt to trap him into a pinfall. Attempt being the key word here, Vinny adamantly refuses to be brought down no matter how mightily Tyler struggles. Eventually, Vinny grows tired of having a teenage boy try to pull down his pants, and rips himself away from Bryant. He keeps the six man champion grounded by driving an elbow onto his throat. So arrogant, Vinny believes this is enough to pin Tyler and hooks his leg for a fall.. ONE! TWO! KRISTA Vinny Valentine, if you don't break up that pin right this instant, I'll tell everyone about your gay lover on the roster! As if he didn't have enough of reason to despise Krista, Valentine is forced to end his fall. SHAYNE How did you know he was gay? KRISTA Ten percent of the population is, and I figure of the percent of the population that dress like they were conceived in the drag corner of Elton John's closet one hundred percent has to be bi or gay or curious. Random and baseless blackmail is my way of participating in this match. Wanting to have Tyler expend his own energy, Vinny allows him to stand up on his own power. When he finally rises, Vinny wraps his arm around his neck in a side headlock that's as tight as the jaws of death. Raising his finger into the air in preemptive triumph Vinny carries his rival across the ring for a bulldog. However, Bryant evades the classic hold, by placing his hands onto Vinny's waist and shoving him towards the turnbuckles. To the audience's immense pleasure Vinny crashes stomach first into the ringposts and groans in frustrating pain. There's little time to feel sorry for himself, though, thanks to Bryant fast approaching with a body splash. The Disco Duck counters by grabbing onto Ty's right leg, and then flinging him into the air. Unable to defend himself in time, the teenybopper smashes his cute face into the top turnbuckle. While the girls in attendance recoil in horror, Biff solemnly shakes his head and makes a mental note to petition for better ring post padding. Meanwhile Bryant staggers away from the ropes, clutching his face and fretting over the status of his upcoming TeenDisney photoshoot. This precludes him from noticing that Vinny Valentine is currently bouncing off the ropes with malice on his mind. By the time he is aware of Vinny's intent, his face is already being smeared across the canvas courtesy of Valentine's face crusher. Dazed and wounded, Tyler rolls onto his back where he breathes heavy cries of distress. ALIX Hey, like, what's up with this Biff Atlas, dude? What's he bitchin' about with all this safety stuff, or whatever? He wants to see an accident, I got an uncle who lost a forehead in a towing accident. He's gotta wear a special hat to keep his brains in! Vinny darts towards the ropes, but instead of running back to Tyler as any normal human being might do, he moonwalks towards his rival. Whatever this unusual variation of the tried and true “funny looking elbow drop” formula was supposed to yield we'll never know, because Tyler stuns Vinny with a school boy! Charles Robinson drops to his knees to score the fall... ONE! TWO! Vinny furiously forces his way out of the pinfall. And when the two competitors rise, he's even more furious in rocking Bryant's jaw with a back fist. The blow seems to have enough power to floor the teen idol, but Valentine keeps him aloft with a front facelock. He brings Tyler into the skies, then punishes him by dropping him onto his oft-targeted face. The young ladies in the audience aren't even the least bit pleased to see their crush mistreated so, and vehemently boo Valentine. The Disco Duck mocks their outrage by crying heavy crocodile tears, as he walks to his corner. There he applies the tag to Lucius Soul with instructions of “bring home the bacon, daddy, bring home the bacon!” COACH Yo, girls and tranny, Lucius Soul is a bad negro! Hear this beat, bitches! I read on the internets that my man LS was a silver medalist in the 2004 IKF Kung Fu championships with only a year of training. ALX Oh my god! If it's on the Internet, it must, must, must be true! Sincerely, The Nigerian Dictator who wants your bank account number to transfer a family fortune e can't smuggle out of his country. Eyes burning bright with hatred and spite, Tyler attacks Soul with crazed haymakers that bomb across the Louisiana native's scruffy face. However, Soul returns fire with expertly placed kicks that seem to still Bryant. That is until the cute grappler pops his fans by battering Soul with a series of knife edge of chops. But before Ty can shred away Lucius' chocolate colored skin, his chopping is interrupted by a running knee to the back from Valentine! “BOOOOOOO!” “Put a sock in it!” Vinny shouts, which actually causes Biff to remind the front row audience of the hygienic hazards that come with putting a worn sock into your mouth. While Biff bores everyone into a coma, Vinny attaches Tyler into another front facelock, and then lifts him onto Soul's scrawny shoulders. Together they shift Tyler's legs into Lucius' arms as they guide him to the ropes. COACH Yo, Jade, hook your boys up with some strategy! Valentine and Soul drop Tyler throat first onto the top cable, a move that leaves the boybander gasping for air. Any breath that was coming to him is immediately knocked aside when Soul plows him through the mat with a powerful sitout face crusher. Delivered with such devastation, the hold actually flips Bryant over and bounces his back across the canvas. He cries out in agony that's worsened when his vulnerable position is exploited by double leg drops from his annoying foes. JADE Oh no! [b]“LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!”[/b] COACH Hot damn, Vinny's plan is gonna pay off! ALIX Yeah right! Not only did you lose your hair prematurely, you also lost your mind! I've visualized how we're gonna win. It's really sucky Rico will have to get his head chewed off by a T-rex, I thought they were extinct. I'll be sure to, like, send his wife flowers. Shortly before I sleep with her. His kids will call me nana, and his dog will call me Jose. With a solid hold on Bryant's arm, Soul carries him off the canvas. As he slings the Detroiter over his shoulder in preparation for a running powerslam, he fakes a tremendous yawn, as if to inform the audience that Bryant poses absolutely zero threat to him. Perhaps, Soul yawned too quickly, however, as Tyler calls upon his great agility to slither down his adversary's back and onto the ground. The Smooth Soul Bro quickly whirls around to put himself back on the attack. Unfortunately, turn about is fair play, and the jive talkin pimp is now lifted onto Tyler's shoulders. Now its Ty's turn to shrug and feign disinterest with otherwise deadly foe. And like Lucius he pays dearly for his arrogance; Soul shimmies down his back before settling gently onto his feet. Angrily, he shoves his rival in the back which sends him careening towards Krista. This, of course, is just fine for Tyler who has the opportunity to fall into Krista's waiting bosom. This, of course, is not fine for Krista who may have the misfortune of Tyler falling into her waiting bosom. Thus, Krissy casually slides a few inches down the ramp, enough so that Tyler won't be able to accurately identify her bra size and so that she can still make a tag with Bryant. A great deafening cheer rises from the stands and from D*LUX, as Miss California strides into the ring. ALIX Yay Krissy! [font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”[/color][/font] “Lucius Soul,” She starts as her longtime target stares bullets back at her, “You are a beautiful human being! You're a paroled crack dealer, a homophobe, and an admitted woman beater, I root for you like I root for the retard taking tickets at the movie theater, I want you to do good, I just don't wanna have to clean up your shit in the bathroom later on. But, honey, one thing you really need to work on, your acting skills. I haven't seen acting that poor, since I pretended to be straight.” And so it begins! Lacking any sort of verbal counter for Krista, Lucius shoots his leg towards his face. Unfortunately she catches it within her hands. She admonishes the fuming soul brother a quick finger wag before giving him a quick 360 twirl. Struck by horrific bout of nausea Soul is left defenseless when Krissy tightens her hands across the back of his neck. The bombshell then leaps with her knees pressed into his chest, bringing him down with an inverted lung blower! Soul recoils backwards, but somehow manages to stay upright. However he isn't able to do much besides clutch his chest and try to regain his quickly depleting breath. Distracted, he fails to register Krista's heels carrying her across the canvas to the ropes. Though he notices her return, its much to late to stage any sort of defense, and the walk of famer rips through him with a spear! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” chant the fans as Krista pulls a tube of lipstick out her top and makes sure her lips stay a pristine cherry red. COACH Jade its kinda difficult for someone to be like your mother, least of all someone who ain't got a shred of personality in their body. Why don't you try someone a lil easier to emulate? Someone like...me. JADE Gee..I..um..don't... ALIX Hey, uh, like production assistant dudes, we need twelve pounds of salt and a plate of lard, from the looks of you, tubby, her ass has a lot of catching up to do! Elsewhere, Vinny Valentine seeks his long desired retribution against the cold hearted fitness queen. And so he climbs onto the top rope, with mind set on crushing her with an axe handle smash. Despite his (only)friend's determination, Biff decides its his duty to take a proactive role in saving his life, and wraps his arms around Vinny's ankles to keep him from “plummeting to your grave!” Needless to say, Vinny isn't exactly enamored with Biff's assistance, and almost goes as far as to call him a [i]square[/i]! ALIX Ya know, I am sooooo freakin glad that Biff dropped that stupid earth gimmick. Because, let's face it, earth is really sucky. 'Cause I was at the gym with Anne Hathaway, and she's like “we gotta save the earth, we gotta stop pollution.” and I'm like any planet that allows you to co-star in Get Smart and deserves to get taken over by that half turkey-half worm dude. You know, gobble worming, or whoever. What a jerk! Leave us alone you turkey-worm thingie! Finally rid of his partner's troublesome meddling, Vinny is free to strike at Krista with his axe handle smash. But its not as if Krista was in poor shape when he ascended to the top, and his argument with Biff certainly didn't do any wonders for his chances of success. Thus, its with little surprise when Vinny's attack is met with an expensive high heel lodged into his midsection. Vinny assumes he can retreat with his health intact, but alas such an escape won't be possible, as Krista leaps into the air and catches him with a diamond cutter! [font="Arial Black"][color="#FFA500"]YEAAAAAAAA![/color][/font] Standing over Vinny, Krista remarks, “Vinny Valentine, you are a miserable specimen of life. Your matches don't last long enough for people to walk out. If you get any worse, you'll hit the bottom rung of the OAOAST ladder, and when you get there tell Christian Wright I said hi. The only reason you have a job is because you've lapped up more discarded fluids then a janitor's mop.” Vinny's only response is to weakly mumble obscenities, while Biff shakes his head and openly wonder “Why won't they listen to me?” Lucius Soul comes flying at Krissy with his long leg extended into a side kick. But the blonde haired beauty shoots her head beneath his attacking limb, and he goes sailing harmlessly past. When he comes down on his boots, he's forced to deal with a pair of two hundred seventy dollar L.A.M.B pumps slashing through his twenty dollar salvation army bought khakis. Fortunately, Soul's wrestling skills are slightly sharper then his fashion sense and he counters Krista by placing his hand on her neck and shoving her towards the ropes. When the cables bounce the GLAADiator back to Soul, he tightens his hands around her slender waist and then throws her into the sky for a flapjack! However that move does him more harm than good as Krista, laces her lovely tan legs around Soul's neck and dizzies him with a crowd popping hurricanrana! But, just soon as he hits the canvas, does Soul leap to his feet. This is certainly an ill advised course of action as Krista clamps her arms across his neck. Blinded by her flowing golden locks, and nearly strangled to the point of suffocation, Soul is easily victimized by the [b][color="#FFFF00"]Blonds Never Pay a Cover[/color][/b] (Side effect)! [font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”[/color][/font] Rather foolishly, Soul scrapes his sore bones off the mat, with no real plan of action in mind. Krista pounces on his indecisive behavior with a series of lightening fast kicks to his stomach. After the third one hits, the GLAADiator springs into the air and whirls around to catch the former pimp square in the face with an even more deadly kick. The strike shoots every last bit of breath from Soul's body and clumsily hurls him all the way towards the corner. Unable to sustain his balance past the incredible pain, he simply sags forward to find a place to pass out. Yet, his wobbly legs walk himself straight into a middle finger followed by a DDT from the sassy covergirl! [font="Arial Black"][color="#FFA500"]YEAAAAAAAA![/color][/font] ALIX REAL [i]NIGGA[/i] VISION, I AIN'T SEEIN NONE OF YOU! COACH :huh: Neck feeling as though its been ran through a wood chipper, Soul is strewn about the canvas with no hope of movement. Triumphantly towering above her foe, Krista fastens her hands onto her hips, and slowly glides them along her slender side to her big boobs. In slow tantalizing grace she spreads them apart and carefully rolls them around in circles. She leans forward ever so slightly, and with her hands back at the sides, squeezes the luscious orbs and puts the audience into a titillated shangri la. ALIX Oh my god, Jade, isn't awesome to have a mom who's so, like, open with her sexuality. My mom used to shove me in the dog house with a bowl of water and an issue of [i]Highlights[/i] whenever the mailman would swing by the double wide. Or the plumber. Or my math teacher. Or our priest. Or my uncle. Or the mailman, my plumber, my math teacher and our local congressman. It must be awesome to have a mom who's on such a higher sexual plane! Like, you should ask her about it! JADE Its, uh, its not come up at the dinner table quite yet. She cuts short the spicy little flesh show in order to take to the skies with a standing shooting star press! Though the move is gorgeous, that's about all the benefit it has as Soul rolls out the way at the last possible second. Krista hits the canvas with a chilling thud, and even her abs of steel can't save her from the terrible burning pain within her stomach.While Krista screams and grimaces in pain, Soul retreats to his corner to make a tag with Biff Atlas. To no one's surprise, Biff isn't exactly gung ho about the situation, but is assured by his teammates that Krista's as weak as she's ever going to get. With never before seen speed, Biff charges into the ring, where he grabs onto Krista's long legs, and jackknifes through her body with a pin... ONE TWO! Krista casually pulls her shoulder off the canvas, and with even less effort rises to her feet. Fraught with fear that his already tiny window of opportunity has been slammed shut, Biff rushes to the ropes to attempt the legendary(!) [b]Always Wear Safety Goggles[/b] (Running High Knee). Unfortunately in Biff comes to close to Shayne Brave, and eats a left jab for his troubles. More angered than hurt, Biff swats his foe with a wild forearm. However, Showtime ducks the strike, and smashes his shoulder into Biff's stomach. Much to his infinite horror, Biff's protective vest helps him little and he's doubled over in quickly mounting anguish. Stumbling back towards Krista, her expensive high heels blasts him into the corner with a dropkick. Biff begs Rico for a tag, but because De Janeiro has the earplugs blocking his hearing, Biff's cries are unanswered. Smirking with a twisted delight, Krista waves “Night-Night” to Biff then charges in to drive the point of her knee directly into Atlas' jaw! Feeling a great and immeasurable pain Biff stumbles away from the turnbuckles, and the Hollywood sex kitten takes the opportunity to lift her heels onto the second rope. She takes a moment to admire her supersized image on the video screen then launches herself at Biff with a spinning wheel kick that throws him into the air! JADE Wow! Mom is really taking it too Biff! ALIX Ya know, what she really needs to take? Her house cleaner to get deported! She's so sucky! I could shove a dust rag in a bamboons ass and he'd do a better job of cleaning than her. She leaves more hair in the tub then she cleans out. Biff's latest of many failures finally convinces Vinny Valentine that a traditional approach to this match may not be so wise. Thusly he decides to skirt a rulebook that's rarely enforced in the first place, and demands Rico enter the ring. Problematically, Rico can't hear a damn thing. “What?” “Get in there!” “What?” Frustrated beyond all belief, Vinny just rips the ear plugs out and screams “GET IN THE FUCKING RING!” Although annoyed with Vinny taking his only defense against Krista's trickery, De Janeiro enters the ring to bail Biff out of the situation he's woefully unequipped to handle. “Don't you start, don't you start, with yer little sweet talk, your little bullshit games, 'cause I ain't singin nothin, chica. Nothin” “I didn't even ask you to sing!” Krista protests. “Good, cause I ain't gonna sing. I sing over your grave, but I ain't gonna sing here. I don't break my word for nobody. You can't get to me sing, 'cause that's history. I'm in control.” “I would never dream of thinking otherwise.” “Good. 'Cause its my life. Its my life! Its my life!” “ITS MY LIFE” sings a gruff authoritative voice in the far off distance, which draws stares of wonderment across every inch of the arena. Rico's heart seems to visibly sink into his stomach at the thought that Krista's treachery now extends to ghosts. Vinny tries to get him to focus but the confusion brought on by aggressive and steady gutair riffs shatters such hopes. “This ain't a song for the broken-hearted. No silent prayer for faith-departed. I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd. You're gonna hear my voice. When I shout it out loud” The mysterious voice continues to blare. Suddenly the arena dims with a thick, dreamy blue lighting, where the brightest light is a spotlight that shines on the entrance way and... [img=http://www.rumorsinmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/bon-jovi-mijovi.jpg] “It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!” COACH She got Bon Jovi?! ALIX Yeaaaah, she kinda told him this was the Virgin Fest, and he'd be going on before Kanye. And, hey, do ya like Gnarls Barkley? Because if this match goes on for four more minutes they're scheduled to perform. God damn it, if Rico isn't floating through heaven on cloud nine. This isn't the playground bully routinely tormenting him to an audience of millions, this is a rock legend pointing to him, investing his faith in him, and demanding that he rock this mother out. Who is he to say no to the ability to live a dream? “It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!” He bleats into a microphone As if she were Cher and he was sonny, Krista rubs her back against Rico and sings in a powerfully soulful tone, “This is for ones who stood their ground! For Tommy and Gina who never backed down! Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake! Luck ain't even lucky! You've got to make your owns breaks!” With backs pressed against each other, and spotlight immortalizing them in the eyes of the world, Krista and Rico join Bon Jovi into pouring their heart into the classic tune “It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!” After the rollicking the guitar solo, Bon Jovi and Krista let Rico immerse himself in this fantasy come to life with a thundering solo “Better stand tall when they're calling you out “Don't bend don't break, baby don't back down It's my life. And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever” [b]SUPERKICK BY KRISTA![/b] [b][color="#FF0000"]“YEAAAAA!”[/color][/b] COLE An impromptu performance by Bon Jovi all for a near undefeated wrestler to superkick one of the if not the worst wrestler in the company. Gotta sell those DVD's somehow! JADE You're gonna need a lot more than Bon Jovi to sell any show with Cuban Wall in a world title match. COACH Dayum girl, you ain't gotta take it there! You might be like your mother after all... Krista bids Bon Jovi a fond farewell, and gives him a hearty outpouring of thanks and praise for his selfless service in the ongoing effort to ensure that Rico never becomes a credible character in the OAOAST . The audience as well applauds the bowing rock superstar for his work Rico's humiliation. Shockingly enough Krissy feels a pang of pity and offers her hand in a truce to Rico. The Brazilian is understandably mistrusting of her kindness. “Come on, Rico, we´ve got to hold on to what we´ve got.” She says with heartfelt kindness. “It doesn´t make a difference If we make it or not. We´ve got each other and that´s a lot. For love - we´ll give it a shot.” Rico finds his antipathy towards Krista somewhat softened by his sugary sweet voice and takes her hand, to rise upright. “Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there! Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer! Take my hand- we´ll make it - I swear! Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer!” She sings to him with her hands pressed against his chest ““Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there! Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer!” He belts back. [b]SUPERKICK BY KRISTA![/b] [b][color="#FF0000"]“YEAAAAA!”[/color][/b] “Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.” Vinny wonder aloud If Vinny is starting to err on the better side of caution, Lucius is on the worst possible side, flinging himself at Krista with a spring board lariat. Showcasing her impressive strength he catches his skinny frame onto his shoulders. “Lucius Soul, now that I have your captive attention, why on earth am I wrestling you? I'm on the walk of fame, I have my own line of exercise videos, I had my own television show, and you, you're seen less than big foot. The only difference is people go looking for big foot! Your career is going so poorly, I saw you backstage carrying bags for the Burroughs Boys. But its not all, bad, honey. Who can pick a fro like you? Rico? He can't even pick enough fruit to feed his bastard children.” Angered by her continued sonnage, Soul begins bucking and thrashing against her clutches, and finally manages to drag himself off her shoulders. In a bit of rarity, Krista is somewhat stunned by his counter, and its for that reason alone he's able to bring her down with a side Russian leg sweep! “I'ma Pimp, I hold my dick like a holster! All the girlies want a Lucius Soul poster!” he screams to the audience. [b]”YEAAAAAA!”[/b] Did the fans suddenly turn to the side of big pimpin? Uh...no. D*LUX has entered the ring to protect Krista from any further attacks from Soul. Together they bash him with chops that put bright red welts onto his dark skin. Having weakened him with their savage strikes, they grab hold of his wrist and throw him towards the ropes. As he approaches both boys go low and take away his legs with basement dropkicks. Left on his knees and under a terrible amount of duress, Soul is struck down by the New Kicks On The Block double basement dropkick! The previously loud mouthed brawler is silenced, and falls over onto his back, face drained of all life. “No! I thought you were colder than a deuce, Lucius! What are you doin in there?” Valentine bemoans. ALIX Oooooh ooooh oooh this is so exciting! So exciting! If I hadn't lost Krista's priceless antique pearls in a high stakes game of gin with the hells angels I'd totally be clutching them right now! [b]”YEAAAAAA!”[/b] The audience's delight is short lived, however, when Biff Atlas returns to life strike down Tyler with a lariat! Now Biff growls and pivots about, swatting at Brave. Though the boyband cutie manages to get his arm up in time to block the blow, he's still sent tumbling against the corner posts. Atlas rumbles forward, slamming one well muscled arm at the spot where Brave his standing. Showtime is fast and sidesteps the attack, gliding down the ropes. Cheated, confused, and angered his cries for a safer ring posts have not been heard, Biff stomps his foot on the ground in frustration. Vinny is equally distraught with Biff's efforts, “Biff, daddy, watcha doin in there?” [b]“LET'S GO SHAYNE! LET'S GO SHAYNE! LET'S GO SHAYNE!”[/b] Shayne leaps onto Biff's back and immediately slips an arm around the safety nut's throat and beneath his chin. Just the very thought of being in a chokehold cripples Biff with worry, and he screams his submission. “I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!” “No you don't!” Vinny screams from the safety of the apron. Locked in a terrifying stranglehold, Biff shakes his head and gurgles breathlessly, then lurches forward almost sending Shayne toppling over the top rope! But Showtime holds on tight, latching onto Biff with every bit of strength in his body. Biff screams and claws at his head, quite honestly fearing a fast approaching death. “GET OUT OF THERE, BIFFY! YOU'RE SCREWIN EVERYTHING UP!” Vinny complains He spins blindly, smashing headlong into the corner posts. Driven into the steel with such resounding force, Shayne is unable to maintain his hold on Biff and his arms fall away from his throat. Angered and still panicked, Biff drives his broad shoulder into Brave's stomach, feeling his body contracting and convulsing beneath him. In a frantic attempt to avoid more assaults from Biff Shayne hurls himself away from the corner posts. But Atlas catches hold of him with a full nelson! Despratley Shayne makes a bid to be free of Atlas' vice grip, however there's no escape and Atlas swings his rival forward to attack him with Caution, Big Drop Ahead (full nelson face plant)! COACH You got any decent advice for your team, Jade? What is that you do as manager anway? Nothing? Nada? Zip? Zero? ALIX Oh how cute! Zip and zero are gonna be the amount of testicles you have after I tell Krissy you were talkin smack about her kid! COACH I'll be quiet. Biff takes hold of Shayne's legs, and dives backwards so as to slingshot him into the ropes. Brave lands throat first onto the cables, bringing out worried gasps from the young girls in attendance who may be forever robbed of his beautiful singing voice. They watch in horror as Brave stumbles backwards right into a school boy from Biff... ONE! TWO! But Biff's ability to hold Shayne in place is hindered by his distraction at the sight that lies before his eyes; Krista seductively tracing her tongue across her voluptuous red lips, and nodding down to a raised skirt that reveals a jiggling and grinding booty. JADE Oh my! Past her firm tush Biff sees the light on an EXIT sign in the stands is burnt out! Atlas certainly can't tolerate such a glaring disregard for the well being of the spectators, and begins rushing over to practice his amateur electrician skills. But, Biff loafers don't even get halfway across the ring, before Krista tags him in the jaw with an elbow! Atlas pleads for her to let him go free to carry on his safety duties, but she unsurprisingly refuses him and strikes him with a second elbow. His head lolls from side to side, as he totters clumsily on his feet. Thankfully he gets a moment to catch his breath as Miss California has to enthrall her legion of fans by stroking her picture perfect hair. If Biff had any inclination to make Krista finally pay for her arrogance, we'll never know of it as Shayne grabs onto his arm and spins him around in order to strike his chest with a spinning back fist. Already weakened by Krista's elbows, Biff is ready to crumple insto a lifeless shell. But, Brave keeps him aloft by holding his head in a snap mare position. Without giving the cowardly heel any opportunity to fight back, Brave falls forward and mercifully KO'S him with a diamond cutter! [b]YEAAAAA![/b] JADE The Shaynedrop! Way to go! The painfully overmatched heel team lies in beaten heaps, their carcasses carelessly dumped across the landscape of the warzone. Now All eyes fall onto Vinny, and these are not eyes of wrestlers awaiting their next competitor, these are the eyes of the killers awaiting their next victim. And this is a victim who's entire thought process is infected with fear. A fear that tells him to get the hell out of here. “Uh...ya'll cats is what's happening, but I gotta get backstage and get my proper swerve on with some fine chickadees! Catch ya on the rebound!” Forgetting his grandiose plan to achieve fame, fortune and simple respectability, Vinny hops off the ring apron with eyes darting to spot the nearest exit. When he spots his gateway to paradise, he rushes there just as quickly as his stubby legs will allow him. Unfortunately his bid for safety failed to take into account Tyler Bryant lying in wait. And as he rounds the corner of the ring, Bryant roadblocks his path with a spear! [b]YEAAAAA![/b] scream the audience as Tyler pumps his fist in celebration. At Krista's politely stated request, Bryant becomes Vinny's escort, roughly handling him into the ring. With Shayne, they hold the Disco Duck up in front of Krista, and his eyes flood with pain and confusion, as he's held by a fright normally reserved for those facing their final moments on an electric chair. “Oh, honey, I have a few words for you.” Krista says with feigned innocence that has Vinny wincing in agony. “Of all the wrestlers to rip off, you pick Disco Inferno. Disco Inferno? How stupid can you be, Vinny? Why didn't you do us a favor and rip off Bruiser Brody so we can have the pleasure of seeing you get stabbed to death in the locker room? You're so washed up, parents tell their kids to vinny valentine before dinner. Honey, the 500,000 they're giving away for this tournament isn't some random number. 500,000 is the number of people who change the channel whenever you wrestle. You're seen less than soap at Lucius Soul's house. Its a good thing you fought me, because now you can write a book on this feud “how to fuck up a job you shouldn't have got in the first place. Honey, I've killed more wrestlers than steroids, overdoses and Vince McMahon combined. You thought you were a competitor, but I’m serving you like Federer. I could destroy your career just saying etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Boys, if you would be so kind.” COACH Awwww naaaw! Krista went in on dat whiteboy's ass! ALIX No hetero! Ignoring Valentine's offerings of friendship, servitude, and strange sexual favors, Tyer lifts the disco duck onto his shoulders. Muffling Vinny's last ditch efforts to secure mercy, Shayne hooks his arms across Valentine's head. The fans let out a large pop, that grows even louder when the boys from Deteroit hit the Rock Your Body (Samoan Drop/Neckbreaker Combo)! Krista plants her heel on Vinny's stomach, as Tyler hooks the leg and Shayne covers the chest, and they both try to steal a peak up her skirt. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!! The fans erupt with raucous delight as Robinson's hand touches down on the mat for a three count! D*LUX leap off the mat into a tight embrace with each other, not quite what they were hoping for, but alas Krista has already retreated to the ropes to beam an arresting victory smile towards the roaring crowd. Never the less, D*LUX is (or is it “are”?) comfortable enough in their masculinity to have a good old fashioned hug between them. JADE What an wwesome victory! ALIX Yeah, even though I didn't, like, ya know doing anything, besides look super hot, which I always do anyways, and my girlfriend did all the really hard work I still feel like I totally accomplished something and can take credit for her stuff. That must be what it feels like to be married to Gwen Stefani! COLE A new day has dawned in the OAOAST, but for Vinny Valentine and his gang of misfits, its the same old miserable life. ALIX Today's lesson, never aspire to better yourself. COLE Here! Here! Jade, D*LUX can look forward to defending their six man titles with Leon Rodez... COACH If Le-Ro don't fuck around and get that ass beat again in War Games, or if he don't get some kind of NTD. Nerdly Transmitted Disease. COLE And, Krista has a chance to become Miss California and Miss Money In The Bank with her entry into the tournament! JADE More money for my trust fund!

straight up truth right now, my match won't be finni until Monday

For a show before the PPV, which are usually really short, I thought this one was pretty good. Only one match which is pretty normal before PPVs as well know. But a solid showing none the less.

KC, if anythings wrong, well...i'm an idiot! We're takin it way back to the 04! The epic and blusey meanderings of Citizen Cope's [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUfh5mbjjrw"]Son's Gonna Rise[/url] as we see a drifter slowly traversing the side of a desert rode. His head is lowered, he looks to be entranced in the fleeting memories of his past glory. Between the images of this somber reflective man we see various OAOAST superstars in their own moments of grand achievement. The shots of their success are gritty and grainy, as if it were footage coming from some long forgotten time. [i]Rollin' down a highway Like a rocket God I'm headed to town now Can't stop it With the wheels in my hand As I stand On the floor Of the board Of this car On the road [/i][b][color="#000080"] 10 COMBINED TAG TEAM TITLES 6 COMBINED HEARTLAND TITLES 5 COMBINED WORLD TITLES 1 UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP 1 LETHAL RUMBLE VICTORY 1 ANGLEMANIA MAINEVENT 500,000 DOLLARS 1 GUARANTEED WORLD TITLE SHOT[/color][/b] [i]Got this woman in the back seat She my wifey In the middle of delivery Man she saves me To this day I don't know why She picked me up When I was down On the road With the wind And it blowed[/i] [b] [size="4"][color="#800080"]A BATTLE OF SKILL AND A BATTLE OF WILL 16 ATHLETIC GODS TOWERING OVER ALL COMPETITION[/color][/size][/b] [font="Arial Black"][size="7"][color="#2E8B57"]~THE MONEY IN THE BANK TOURNAMENT~[/color][/size][/font] [i]Well the son's gonna rise in a mile In a mile you'll be feeling fine In a mile you will see, after me You'll be out of the dark Yeah you'll get your shot[/i] [b]ROUND 1[/b] “The Birmingham Bad Boy” Jamie O'Hara vs. Reject Spanish Fly vs. "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez The Mad Cappa vs. Cuban Wall (or PRL pending tonight's outcome) “Miss California” Krista Isadora Duncan vs. ThunderKid [i]Rollin' down a highway Like a rocket Well I'm headed to town now Can't stop it With the wheels in my hand As I stand On the floor Of the board Of this car[/i] [b]ROUND 1[/b] “The Lonestar Gunslinger” Baron Windells vs. Alfdogg “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan vs. “The Metrosexual Monster" Bohemoth Christian Wright vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix Colombian Heat vs. Faqu [i]Yeah the son's gonna rise in a mile In a mile, you'll be feeling fine In a mile you will see, after me You'll be out of the dark Yeah you'll get your shot yeah[/i] [size="3"][b] BEGINNING THIS THURSDAY ON[/b] [color="#FF8C00"][font="Arial Black"]HeldDOWN~![/font][/color][/size]

Tony or KC "Patty rule" in effect! Also, 149, if you don't feel like writing an intro to the show than boooooyyyyy this is ya hook up! spoilerz within!!! Fade in to a dressing room. The room is packed with referees, wrestlers, road hands, and assorted people with those laminated cards that you see in the back during promos who don't actually do anything. Their chatter is separate, but are combined, causing a loud-ish hum. Theodore Moneymaker stands at the head of the room, with CPA menacing eying down anyone who dares give him a disagreeable look. Despite the fact that half the attendees are stewing with disgust for him, Moneymaker stands with a casual confidence. MONEYMAKER Ladies and gentlemen, I am a friend to some of you, and an enemy to many of you. I feel love in this room, and yet I also feel an intense hatred. Tonight I ask you to put aside your selfish personal beliefs and look to a better future. Yesterday was dark, horrible, and painful. Tomorrow promises light, goodness, and pleasure. But only if we work together for a better OAOAST! And only if we lend our full support to our new OAOAST President. Please welcome this fine human being... The room slowly goes silent as a sharply dressed business woman walks past them and stands next to a desk, where she picks up a clipboard and starts checking things. Immediately behind her walks the NEW OAOAST PRESIDENT JOSIE BAKER!~!~ The fans erupt as she walks through the crowd of people, puffing away at her cigarette. She finally reaches the desk and sits, stubbing out her cigarette as she takes off her RAY-BAN WAYFARERS!~! and looks around at the crowd of people. All eyes are on her as she clears her throat and leans back. JOSIE Thank you, Theodore.. Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half the country to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new federation was coming in at Coyote Hills and I had to see about it. That fed is now flowing at two dozen wrestlers on the payroll and it's paying me an income of fifty thousand dollars a week. I have two others in the WWE and I have sixteen producing at OVW. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a wrestling girl, you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all men that beg for a chance to be the General Manager, maybe one in twenty will be wrestling fans; the rest will be speculators - men trying to get between you and the fans - to get some of the money that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has money, and means to do general managing, he'll maybe known nothing about it and he'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a Steven Popick type that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another title shot just as quick as he can. This is the way this works. DOCTOR STEPHEN PIGLEY So what is your offer? We're wasting time. Josie looks around the room and smiles. JOSIE I do my own booking. And the men that work for me, work for me and they are men I know. I make it my business to be there and see to their work. I don't lose my wrestlers to other feds and spend months finding replacements; I don't botch the Main Events and let ridiculous people get ridiculous title shots. I'm a family woman- I run a family business. This is my cousin and my partner, Sophie Grey. Josie indicates Sophie, who nods. JOSIE We offer you the bond of family that very few General Managers can understand. I'm fixed like no other GM in this field and that's because my Coyote Hills fed has just come in. I have a string of wrestlers all ready to work. I can load a ring onto trucks and have them here in a week. I have business connections so I can get the better referees for the matches. CLEM BUZZLEFOXER WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?! Moneymaker mouths the words “She didn't mean you, Clem” which is enough to get the elderly referee to be quiet and smile. JOSIE ...Such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start managing and put up the matches to back my word. And to prove it, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce a special two month event. A first in OAOAST history, a Money In The Bank tournament! Surprised murmurs go up from the gathered wrestlers, as they try to gain more information about this historic event. JOSIE With the help of Theodore's insights into the roster and reports from my own scouting department I have selected sixteen of the OAOAST's best sports entertainers to compete for a guaranteed title shot to be used whenever they want. The finals will occur at Angleslam, and there someone will cement their legacy in the OAOAST. And as a very generous gift, Theodore has volunteered to give half a million dollars to the winner of the tournament. That creates quite the buzz in the audience, because lets face it, most of these dudes is broke as shit. Ned and Simon can be seen giving each other high fives at the thought of collecting more of their boss' money. Moneymaker simply stands with his same cool and casual smile, knowing that half a million dollars might be enough to cool the heat currently on him. JOSIE I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there... The people in the room nod and lightly applaud. Josie smiles wide. JOSIE ...Punch and Pie in the room next door. EVERYONE piles out in a rush as the camera fades to.... black. HA! GOT YOUR HOPES UP!!

ay yo, no homo, everytime you ejaculate, no homo, whether from hand or puss or lips, you are aging yourself. the way we evolved is that once you hit a certain # of orgasms, you drain your adrenal glands, you burn out your mind, and you atrophy your penis. evolution says, "you've passed on your seed enough, now get ugly and die and let the others have at it." you are ruining your lives by masturbating!!! your body needs all the minerals and nutrients its wasting on making sperm, and youre losing it all, you son of a gun! WOOOOOOW! dont get me wrong, you can still orgasm, but cut it down to 1or 2 times a week. or you can do what the indians did. you can masturbate\have sex for as long as you want, but never ejaculate. that will pump up your testorone and HGH and other stuff, and it feeds back into your body. also, girls can tell when you stroke it a lot, on some woman's instincts type mess, and they wont find you attractive, because you are zapping your hormones, and not producing any pheromones to turn them on. no homo.

COLE Folks, Josh Matthews has an update about the OAOAST president situation. Josh? The image becomes split screen as we see Josh standing outside the BOD door with Theodore Moneymaker, smiling broadly and barely suppressing laughter, at his side. JOSH That's right, Michael, I have a huge update coming right from the mouth of the search committee's Mister Theodore Moneymaker. Mister Moneymaker? In a insanely unusual show of kindness, Moneymaker actually puts his arm around Josh. The announcer is certainly spooked and looks worried as though he thinks Moneymaker is about to choke him out. MONEYMAKER Josh how does it feel to stand inches away from the doorway to the room where entertainment and athletic history was made? I bet it feels absolutely amazing. Imagine how I feel being the one to shape that history and change the course of the OAOAST forever. I feel on top of the world, Josh, and when The Great Angle Bash rolls around I'm going straight to cloud nine. Because, the whole world will be introduced to the person that will right Anglesault's many many wrongs, the brand new OAOAST President. JOSH Have you found someone?! MONEYMAKER BWAHAHAHAHA! Yes we have. And its someone who's moral fiber, and ethical character I can personally vouch for. They weren't just my first choice, they were my only choice. They bring experience, knowledge, fortitude, foresight and best of all a businessman's aggression to what's been a stale, dull, and stagnant company. Thank god the board of director's heeded my call to give this person the keys to the car. They're going to drive us all to the promise land! I can't wait for them to begin, and I can't wait for you to meet them at Great Angle Bash. BWAHAHAHAHAH! And with that we cut to a rundown of the card for the GAB with the Beastie Boys' "Gratitude" playing in the background.... GREAT ANGLE BASH -OPEN CHALLENGE FOR THE HEARTLAND TITLE- -MISTER DICK JOCK MULLIGAN Vs BARON WINDELLS- -PANIC AT THE DISCO AND MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREW Vs KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND D*LUX- -OPEN CHALLENGE FOR THE ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TITLES- -WAR GAMES: TEAM PHOENIX VS TEAM SOMMERS- -OAOAST WORLD TITLE: CUBAN WALL VS PRL- -NAMING OF THE NEW OAOAST PRESIDENT- As "Gratitude" by The Beastie Boys continues playing, we cut to Cuban Wall, sitting on a chair in front of a blue background with the OAOAST logo on it. Cuban Wall is wearing his wrestling attire because he lives and breathes wrestling, DAMNIT! In addition to that, he is wearing sunglasses and gold chains around his neck. Wall has a cocky smirk on his face when the camera cuts to him. CUBAN WALL So it has finally happened. I finally get a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. This Sunday at The Great Angle Bash I get what should have been mine a LONG time ago! And they are calling this match 'Good Friends, Bitter Enemies'. Heh. Cute. Not exactly my first choice for a tagline, but then again, I am not one of the marketing geniuses of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. But you know something, P.R.? It's more than that. Yeah, it goes beyond that. Because you know what, P.R.? You've changed. You are not the same fearless man that you used to be. You are not the same ballsy talented competitor who kicked ass and won title after title! Oh no! You are not the same guy that led The Lightning Crew for four incredible years and could have led it for many more. No, instead, you are weak. You are pathetic. You are soft. You have lost what made you great. You are a shell of your former self. It is sad to see you play to these idiots, make them your world. You didn't used to care about the fans! What the hell happened!? But it's okay. It's all right, because Cuban Wall is your remedy. He's gonna bring you back! Back to the Promised Land! I'm like Jimmy Jones! 'Bring me my children!' And PRL, you are one of them. The camera does a close-up of Cuban Wall's face as he continues speaking. CUBAN WALL (CONT'D) This Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash, I am going to get what I SHOULD have gotten at AngleMania VII! This match is really 3 months overdue, P.R.! Well, good things come to those who wait and this Sunday the waiting will end. No Holds Barred. That's right, NO HOLDS BARRED! I DO TO YOU WHATEVER I WANT TO DO! You have never beaten a man of my size on your own! You have never won a match like this without The Lightning Crew! YOU HAVE NEVER WON A DAMN THING IN YOUR ENTIRE CAREER WITHOUT SOMEONE'S HELP! And P.R., you won't have ANY help this Sunday night! THIS WILL BE A FIGHT! MANO-E-MANO! WHO'S THE TOUGHEST!? WHO'S THE BADDEST!? NO HOLDS BARRED! And you know something, PRL? You are treading in water where only the big boys can play! And I am the biggest boy in the game right now! This Sunday night, I am going to show the world that you needed The Lightning Crew to survive in the wrestling business! I am going to show the world that without The Lightning Crew you cannot hack it! I am going to show the world this Sunday that everything you got you got because of me, or Mr. Boricua, or Vitamin X, or The Bone Thug, or Thomas Rodriguez, or anyone else in The Lightning Crew! This Sunday night, the whole world will see just how much of a weakling, just how much of a FRAUD, just how much of a LOSER you really are! Pay-per-view, The Great Angle Bash 2008, PRL, you are looking at the next One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! Cuban Wall smiles an evil smile as the camera cuts to the matchup graphic for Tha Puerto Rican vs. Cuban Wall No Holds Barred Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008. "Gratitude" by The Beastie Boys is still playing. The camera cuts to Tha Puerto Rican standing in the OAOAST Control Center. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a white dress shirt, a grey vest, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, and black dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up. PRL has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN A No Holds Barred Match against the 6'7" 285 pound Cuban Wall. You know, everybody is wondering, 'PRL, that really isn't your style! Aren't you a little bit worried?' You know something? First, everybody told me that an Ultimate X Match with my career on the line was not...my...style! And I PROVED them wrong! THEN, everybody told me that a match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at the biggest show of the year in front of over 100,000-plus fans at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California with a biased referee officiating was not...my...style! And I PROVED them wrong AGAIN! THEN, everybody told me that a Triple Threat Match against two of the most talented wrestlers in the world today for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship was not...my...style! And I PROVED them WRONG AGAIN! I have PROVED my diversity to Spanish Fly! I have PROVED my diversity to Stephen Joseph Popick! I have PROVED my diversity to Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix AND "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez! I have PROVED my diversity to everybody else in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! And NOW, everybody is telling me that fighting is not...my...style! Well, incase you haven't gotten it by now: NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO! I've got news for you: MY STYLE IS WHATEVER IT WANTS TO BE! The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican's face as he continues speaking, FIRED UP~! "Gratitude" by The Beastie Boys is still playing in the background. THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT'D) This Sunday night, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, at The Great Angle Bash 2008, in the No Holds Barred Match, I will show you Cuban Wall just how great I truly am! I am going to show you just how overrated The Lightning Crew was and how USELESS they really were to me! This Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash, I am going to show you, The Lightning Bolts, and the WHOLE WORLD THAT I AM THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION! THAT I AM THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE! And that I AM THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AND THE GREATEST PUERTO RICAN ATHLETE IN THE WORLD TODAY! In Minneapolis, Cuban Wall, you are going to find out just how much of a USELESS LACKEY you were to me when I WHOOP your 6'7" 285 pound fat ass all over the Target Center! Cuban Wall, watch out for the lightning strikes, because this Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash, you will suffer a P.R. Nightmare after I layeth the smacketh down on your candy ass! And that's the truth, Ruth! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican does The People's Eyebrow. He then sneers at the camera while breathing hard. He is visibly shaking, he is SO FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! The camera continues its close-up of Tha Puerto Rican's face IN ANGER~! as "Gratitude" by The Beastie Boys ends. We fade out on Tha Puerto Rican's sneering, visibly shaking face. FADE OUT

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD We open the show with Terry Taylor sitting behind the desk that's normally occupied by Anglesault. Gone are all of AS' traditional Yankees and OAOAST themed decorations, instead the desk is spartan. Terry's words are stilted and he's obviously reading from a prompter with lines that were prepared for him. TERRY TAYLOR Good evening, OAOAST fans. I sit behind this desk in an unlivable position. I am forced to make an announcement few in the highest ranks of this company were willing to make. Though I am only one person sitting behind a desk, my words are that of the most important decision makers in the OAOAST. I have been in this businesses for longer than I care to say, and I have seen many things that would repulse even the bravest most grizzled veteran of these ring wars. But, without exaggeration, I have never in my life seen anything as revolting and shamming as the “Too Catch a Predator” skit featuring Anglesault from last week's HeldDOWN. Words can't describe the feelings we all felt as that horrible, horrible, event played out on screen. It felt like doom was upon us all! I could see the walls closing in and the sky tumbling onto our heads. It was the first time I've ever had a tangible fear for the OAOAST's future. Taylor pauses for a moment to sip from a water bottle. TAYLOR The share holders were, of course, outraged. As Anglesault was chased down the streets of White Marsh, the stock holders were chased into sell mode, and unloaded their OAOAST stock at record rates. The brass was embarrassed, and the media has been salivating for any tasty morsel of juicy OAOAST gossip on any OAOAST superstar. My voice mail has been stuffed full, finally for reasons besides Krista passing my number out as a transexual phone sex outline! I know that we don't have the cleanest show or the most well behaved roster, but since the OAOAST came to life we've always had top quality leadership we could believe in. Anglesault betrayed that trust that was a gift from the fans and the sports entertainers who make this show so great. The board of directors has decided the company, the workers, and the fans deserve a better class of leader. Effective immediately Anglesault has been removed from his duties as OAOAST President and his employment with the company has been terminated. Taylor gives a very solemn nod to the camera as we fade out. EARLIER TODAY Backstage in the arena we see lovebirds Leon Rodez and Maggie Nerdly sat together on a metal production equipment case somewhere behind the entrance stage. Things still seem tense between the two as anyone who's been following the show would assume. But at least they're within a couple of feet of each other and talking. Leon's hand rests on top of Maggie's, who looks pretty forelorn. MAGGIE It's just getting too much. I mean, everybody's talking and being the topic of gossip around here isn't exactly fun for somebody who's gotta go round interviewing people all the time. Guys round here ain't got much in the way of manners. You should have heard the things Reject said to me last week. LEON I did and I'm sorry you have to put up with it. But you've just got to try and not let it affect you babe. It's something we're going to have to sort out between us. Forget everybody else. Nobody else really knows anything, it's just gossip. MAGGIE I know. LEON Anyone who speaks out of turn'll have me to answer to. Or Tyler and Shayne if I'm busy, either's good. The two share a brief smile, just as ZACK MALIBU walks into shot grabbing their attention. ZACK Hey Maggie. Leon. Can I have a quick word? LEON Uh, now's not really a good time. ZACK It's kind of important. Sighing, Leon motions to Maggie to give him a second before standing up and leading Zack out of earshot by the arm. LEON Listen, don't take this the wrong way Zack, but... now really isn't a good time. Can this not wait? ZACK Right. Sure. When you're done with your relationship issues, come find me. LEON There's no need to get like that... ZACK I'm sorry. It's just, I've kind of got some problems of my own to worry about right now. Like wrestling five people tonight. Somehow Maddix has got me booked in a Gauntlet Match against him and his followers later, which is all I need. Who knows what's going on right now for that to have come to fruition. Anyway, I could do with speaking to you before then at least. If Maddix has his way I won't be around to say much afterwards. Leon takes a quick look back at Maggie. LEON Look, I've gotta go do my show soon. Once I'm done with that, I'll come find you. ZACK Thanks. Zack pats Leon on the shoulder before heading off. Leon shakes his head as he strolls back over apologetically to Maggie, sitting back down next to her as we roll V.T... As Ultimate Victory plays, we find that even the introductory video has been altered with all references to Anglesault being deleted. I don't get why you'd bother when the whole company is named after him! After the video concludes we go to the logo... And then sofa central where Michael Cole looks noticeable tense and uneasy, whereas Da Coach is all smiles and laughes. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the prologue to a new era in the OAOAST! On behalf of everyone in the OAOAST, I want to apologize for what you saw last week before the mainevent. But that very occurrence cost Anglesault his job, and for right now leaves us without solid leadership. And we have Mister Theodore Moneymaker to thank. COACH Damn right we gotta thank Mister M! Homeboy went in, no homo! Anglesault a slimey sneaky little cross dressing bitch that rocks tight pants and pray to George Michael crotch! Anglesault just doesn't know! Moneymaker said he had dirt on Krista, he proved it. Why didn't Anglesault learn from that? Dude tried to be hardbody and he got hardbodied, no homo. COLE The hours leading up to the show have been chaotic to say the least. But we've scrambled together another fine event for you the fans as we march towards the historic Great Angle Bash! OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# ^ !!!!! We go to the ring to find the ring canvas covered with the decor of The Love Shack set. That consists of a desk, two stools, a purple carpet and a Grand Rapids street sign. Arguable whether you can call that a 'set', more arguable still if you can class it as 'decor', but that's what there is. Stood behind his talk show desk is Leon Rodez, waving in acknowledgment at each shout and female scream catches his attention while he waits for some quiet. Adorning his chest is the new Leon Rodez t-shirt, coming soon OAOAST.com, just in time for The Great Angle Bash maybe! LEON Hey hey hey and welcome to, almost, the only show in town, the show too smooth to be cancelled, The Love Shack! And when you think love and shack, you've gotta be thinking Des Moines, Iowa! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" LEON Even I'm not sure if that was meant to be a derogatory comment or not, but thank you for the cheers anyway. Well, I was expecting a quiet night tonight, but after the surprise cancellation of Reel Talk last week, I've had to complete a few contractual obligations and take their guests for tonight. I shall place them in my imaginary trophy case, beside the plaudits I recieved over them and the viewers who chose this show over their's. House Of Worship, we comin' for ya! In the meantime though, The Great Angle Bash is three days away and so to is War Games. Team Sly Sommers versus Team James Cone. We already know Sly has snapped up Zack Malibu and Bohemoth for his squadron. And Cone has my guests tonight signed and sealed. Give it up if you're so inclined, for CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... with a 'C'! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Megalomaniac" hits to a torrent of boos, aimed towards Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix as he leads his group to the ring. The Six Man Tag Team Champions James Blonde, Faqu and Nathaniel Black recieve Landon's glowing attention, Todd Cortez recieves just a cold glare. COLE The men who sided with James "Pheonix" Cone for this Sunday's War Games Match, but have publicly stated they've got no interest either way in the dispute with Cone and Sommers. They're simply in it for themselves. COACH Nothing wrong with that. COLE Well these men will be stepping into the unforgiving confines of two steel surrounded rings, whatever their reasons. By the end of The Bash, they may end up regretting it. COACH No no, you've got it all wrong... four of these men are stepping in. Cortez ain't doin' shit except fetch coffee pre-match. The ranks of Cucaracha Internacional climb into the ring with little acknowledgement for the Shack's resident host. With only two stools, Landon takes a seat with Megan right next to him. Black, Blonde, Faqu and Cortez all prefer to stand. Just as well really, since they don't have much choice otherwise. LEON So, customary welcome to the Love Shack... MADDIX Yeah yeah, I know how it works. Not my first time. LEON True. I hope you kept that copy of High School Musical 2 from last time. The extras are top-notch. I doubt anyone at all remembers what we're talking about, so let's gloss over it. War Games is why you're here, set up as a challenge from Sly Sommers to James Cone. Now knowing your grasp of OAOAST history, I doubt you'd be able to pick either one of them out of a line-up. So, my first question. Why would you get involved in War Games when you've realy got no stake in it? MADDIX Simple. Opportunity. Exposure. The chance to take Cucaracha Internacional to the top. Black and Blonde nod in agreement behind Landon. MADDIX You see, it doesn't matter about the risks. Doesn't matter to us who's on the other side of the ring. James Cone's dispute with Sommers... doesn't matter to us. All that matters is victory and exposure. War Games is going to be all about Cucaracha Internacional. The rest of 2008 is going to be all about Cucaracha Internacional. We are the premiere collection of talent in the OAOAST and it's about time we started showing it, on the big stage, in the big matches. After we dominate in War Games, we will be the group everybody's talking about, as we deserve to be. It's as simple as that. LEON Okay, I can respect that. But, there's another opinion floating around. MADDIX What 'other opinion'? LEON Well, last time you were in War Games... infact, the only time you were in War Games... you tapped out. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Eyes bugging a little at that being brought up, Landon scowls at Leon. LEON And opinion seems to be that maybe you're risking the health and careers of your team-mates in the most dangerous environment in professional wrestling, just so you can get some redemption for yourself. MADDIX That's... that's ridiculous! I mean... you... First of all, you need to change who's opinions you listen to because they're clearly a group of daydreamers and conspiracy theorists. Trying to make a story where there is none. You know what... yeah, it does still bother me, what happened in War Games last time. It still holds a place in my memory. Maybe because I lost. Maybe because I tapped out. Or, maybe because I HAD A SPIKE JAMMED INTO MY TESTICLES!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Megan winces a little, rubbing Landon's shoulder consolingly as he looks down at the mat. For a few moments he continues looking down, with only the cheering crowd heard. MADDIX I'm okay. I'm okay. (turns back to Leon) Now, somebody like you is probably into that kinda kinky stuff. But not me! I gave up before I lost one of my... guys. There's no shame in that. No shame at all. Any man would have done what I did! Anyone who says otherwise is a liar! As far as this theory about me wanting 'redemption' goes? That's way off the mark. Do you really think I'd put Faqu, James Blonde and Nathaniel Black in War Games just so I could make people forget about me being stabbed in the penis on syndicated television? Do I look selfish enough to do that? LEON That's a rhetorical question, right? MADDIX I've said it once, I'm gonna say it again. I'm not above repeating myself because more often than not what I say warrants being heard twice. War Games is going to be all about Cucaracha Internacional. Not just Landon Maddix. But about Nathaniel Black. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MADDIX About James Blonde. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MADDIX About Faqu... FAQU BLAAAHHAHAAAA!! At the sound of his name, Faqu sparks to life and starts beating his chest. Landon subtely motions for Blonde to "calm him down" so he can keep talking. MADDIX It's going to be about us. Zack Malibu is going to find that out. Bohemoth is going to find that out. Sly Sommers is going to find that out. Whoever joins up with Zack Malibu and Bohemoth and Sly Sommers, they're going to find that out. One or the other, they will submit to us. Who knows, somebody might get hurt inside War Games as you keep alluding Leon. But it won't be one of us. It'll be Bohemoth, or it'll be Sommers, or it might even be your buddy Zack. Think of the statement that would make to the OAOAST, for Cucaracha Internacional, huh? You know, if I remember correctly... Landon stands up from his seat, causing Leon to defensively do the same. MADDIX ...last time, it was YOU who got hurt in War Games. Landon smiles in the face of Leon, while in the background Todd Cortez can be seen with hands on hips and looking clearly offended that Landon would bring that up. MADDIX Two things, Leon. Number one, if you want to preach about the dangers of War Games, how about you go tell your buddies. And number two... if you're thinking about having your buddy's back again like you did last time, best think again. Because even though I've benched Todd Cortez onto the sub's bench where he belongs, if you step into War Games, don't think I won't have your neck broken again! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh come on, that's completely uncalled for! Apparantly, Todd Cortez agrees and he steps forward to confront Landon about just what he's saying. He gets there before Leon can do anything about it himself, the host watching Cortez and Landon argue off mic for a few seconds as the crowd urge him to jump in. Landon has other ideas though and manages to shrug Cortez off. MADDIX You know what, thanks for having on the show, it's been a pleasure, come on guys. Dropping his microphone on Leon's desk, Landon hurries out of the ring with Blonde, Faqu and Black close behind. Cortez is left behind in the ring and looks towards Leon apologetically, unseen by Leon who watches Cucaracha Internacional leaving. Under pressure from Landon, Cortez follows after the rest of his 'team-mates' still looking frustrated at what happened. COLE Landon showing a distinct lack of respect for Leon Rodez. An unneccessary reminder of the neck injury that sidelined Leon for so long in 2006 and 2007. I don't think Cortez appreciated it being brought up either. COACH Oh yeah, because he showed a ton of remorse at the time! COLE Well, Cucaracha Internacional will look to ruffle more feathers ahead of War Games later on, as Zack Malibu runs the Gauntlet. We'll be back with more HeldDOWN~! next. LATER TONIGHT INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT ZACK MALIBU RUNS THE GAUNTLET TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT THE GUNSLINGER IS BACK BARON WINDELLS RETURNS TO THE RING NEXT COMMERCIAL

We fade in on Tha Puerto Rican doing the HBK muscle pose with pyro going off behind him. Cuban Wall stands next to him. This is all in black and white. Somber music plays. NARRATOR They were once good friends. Cut to Cuban Wall chokeslamming some poor scrub. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican doing The People's Elbow Drop onto that same scrub. Cut to OAOAST AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone: [Cuban] Wall shows off his newly won OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. PRL shows off his newly won OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. Both men laugh evilly, and then PRL jumps onto Cuban Wall's shoulders. PRL raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head with an evil smile on his face while Cuban Wall raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt in the air at the same time. Garbage is thrown in their direction. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican walking to the ring with The Lightning Crew, Cuban Wall right next to him. THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall are unstoppable! Cut to Cuban Wall clotheslining the back of Tha Puerto Rican's neck on the November 30, 2007 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. Cut to Cuban Wall then giving Tha Puerto Rican The Lightning Crew Splash on the same show. This is shown in color. NARRATOR But one act has made them bitter enemies. COLE The Lightning Crew has turned on Tha Puerto Rican! THE LIGHTNING CREW HAS BETRAYED THA PUERTO RICAN! HIGH OCTANE FAST PACED ROCK MUSIC~! plays as we see a collection of clips of Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall in action IN COLOR~! NARRATOR Now, it is the war to avenge the score! Cut to Cuban Wall posing in a broken down warehouse. The words "CUBAN WALL" appear in big white blocky letters. NARRATOR Cuban Wall... Cut to a collection of Cuban Wall clips showing him destroying opponents. CUBAN WALL (V.O.) You throwing some kind of idle threats!? I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU! Cut to Tha Puerto Rican posing in a broken down warehouse with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his left hand. The words "THA PUERTO RICAN" appear in big white blocky letters. NARRATOR ...vs. Tha Puerto Rican... Cut to a collection of PRL clips showing him beating opponents. THA PUERTO RICAN (V.O.) You, my 'friend', are going to fail! Cut to Cuban Wall attacking Tha Puerto Rican after the Match Of Champions on the June 5, 2008 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. Cut to Cuban Wall attacking Tha Puerto Rican backstage on the June 12, 2008 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall brawling with each other on the June 19, 2008 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. NARRATOR ...in a No Holds Barred Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! CUBAN WALL (V.O.) I've got you right where I want you! THA PUERTO RICAN (V.O.) JUST BRING IT! Cut to Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall celebrating after a victory. NARRATOR Good friends, Cut to Cuban Wall hitting Tha Puerto Rican with a ::Beltshot:: on the June 19, 2008 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. NARRATOR Bitter enemies. Cut to more clips of Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall in action against various opponents. The HIGH OCTANE FAST PACED ROCK MUSIC~! continues playing. CUBAN WALL (V.O.) You ain't even in my league! THA PUERTO RICAN (V.O.) It's put up or shut up time! Cut to a black screen with information regarding the OAOAST The Great Angle Bash 2008 pay-per-view. NARRATOR OAOAST The Great Angle Bash! Sunday June 29th at 8:00 PM EST/5:00 PM PST, LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! Call your local cable or satelite operator to order NOW! CUBAN WALL (V.O.) You are going to get BROKEN! THA PUERTO RICAN (V.O.) I'm gonna make you BLEED! The HIGH OCTANE FAST PACED ROCK MUSIC~! ends. As does the commercial. COLE Well with the presidency issue still up in the air, we have one more big match, just been officially added to the card for the Great Angle Bash by... well, goodness knows who. But somebody found the time it seems. It's being called the Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal and will feature 14 of the non US patriots on the OAOAST roster in an over the top rope battle royal. And the winner will then advance to face the United States Champion Colombian Heat immediately afterwards, with the title on the line. COACH Just goes to show how different things are gonna be around here without He Who Shall Not Be Named and his pro-USA agendas. COLE It'll certainly be a night of opportunity for one competitor, with a chance at the US Title. Right now though, it's Gauntlet time, let's go up to the ring. ZACK MALIBU VS. CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL-GAUNTLET MATCH (entrances omitted so that I could get this posted as it leads to the GAB. Sorry!) Matched up against the most brutal weapon in La Cucaracha's arsenal, Zack walks forward, standing nose to nose with his Samoan rival...and then drills him with a headbutt, catching the beast with his guard down! COLE That's one way to kick this off! Faqu covers his face, but Zack grabs ahold of him and pulls him close, then rocks him with a kneelift before hitting the ropes! As he rebounds, Faqu takes a swing at him, but Zack ducks under it, then comes off the far side and stuns Faqu with a clothesline. The Wrecking Ball is rocked, but doesn't topple over, even as Zack unloads with hard chops. He takes Faqu and sends him in, but the whip is reversed, only for Zack to deliver a hard kick to Faqu when he drops his head! Zack then takes him by the head and peppers him with forearm shots, drawing blood from the nose of his foe! Faqu shoves Zack away, but Malibu rolls with it and pops back up to his feet...but as he charges in he gets dumped on the canvas with a release uranage by Faqu, who is none too happy at the sight of his own blood staining his hands! COLE Zack started off in a fury, hoping to catch Faqu off guard, but it's only seemed to make the monster madder! Zack stands up, and when he does Faqu hits a blistering roundhouse kick to the ribs, then sets Zack up for a suplex...but Zack slips out and spins Faqu around...only to catch a knee to the gut! Faqu then hits the suplex he was trying for moments ago, and then follows up by pulling Zack up to a seated position and then cracking him across the back with a kick, the sound of his foot smacking Zack on the back echoing through the arena! He pulls Zack up and snapmares him over, and again follows up with a hard kick to the back, laying Zack out. The big man then starts running, hitting the ropes...but as he comes back to attempt more damage to the Preppy One, Zack kips up and floors him with a lariat that drops him down to the mat! COACH YO~! COLE Hard, high-impact shot out of nowhere from Zack! He sprung right off the mat and nailed that madman with a brutal blow! Zack circles the ring, working the crowd as Faqu tries to shake off the effects of the blow. He gets up, but Zack is right on top of things, peppering him with a pair of right hands before bringing him in close. Zack tries to trap him in a butterfly lock, but the intense islander struggles, and elevates Zack over with a backdrop. Malibu lands with a thud, and as soon as he comes up he's barrelled over with a running shoulderblock from the mammoth Faqu! Faqu growls, calling Zack to his feet, but the former World Champion doesn't come up as quickly as he did with that kip-up earlier. As Zack comes up, he's rocked with a chop that knocks him right back down, and almost as soon as he hits canvas, he's dragged up and sent to the corner. Faqu charges in, but Zack kicks both of his legs up and drives his feet across Faqu's cheekbone, driving him back! He then comes and takes Faqu by the head and rams it into the top turnbuckle not once, not twice, not even three times...but a succession of five head rams STILL isn't enough to topple the beast! Zack then takes him by the head and sits up on the ropes, signaling for a tornado DDT...but as he lands, Faqu hits a Northern Lights suplex, putting Zack on the wrong end of a pinning predicament! ONE! T-KICKOUT! There's no bridging out of this one, as the girth of the Samoan is too much for Zack to handle. Faqu gets to his feet and brings Zack up, then dumps him back on the canvas with a fireman's carry. He then stands up and presses his foot down on Zack's throat, causing Zack to kick his legs as he tries to stop the blocking of air! Faqu then comes off the ropes and drops a big leg across the throat, and again goes for the cover! ONE! TW-NO! Zack again finds himself led to his feet, and soon after he's thrown into the corner and struck with a flurry of hard chops which are then capped off by a throat thrust! Zack would be back on the mat if it weren't for the turnbuckles holding him up, but they're actually leaving him prone to the assault, as Faqu charges across the ring and sandwhiches Zack against the turnbuckles! Before he can collapse, Faqu picks Zack up and sets him up on the top rope, then climbs up the ropes himself, rocking the ring as he brings his enemy down from the top with a superplex! COLE Faqu continuing to bring the pain, leaving Zack hurting after that devesating superplex! Faqu gets up, then drops a headbutt on Zack, making sure he stays put as he runs the ropes and comes off with a big splash, flattening Zack under the weight of his huge frame! Once again, Faqu goes for a pin, hooking the leg of the prep and sneering at the referee! ONE! TWO! NO! KICKOUT! Faqu gets up and delivers a primal scream as he takes his foot and stomps Zack hard in the chest, then hits the ropes again and hits a second splash, flattening Zack like a pancake! He pulls Zack up and readies him for a powerbomb...but when Zack his hoisted up onto his shoulders he starts hammering him with right hands, knocking Faqu senseless! Zack gets dropped to his feet, and unloads with a discus clothesline...but Faqu ducks it! As Zack turns back around, Faqu lifts him off his feet and runs him to the corner, slamming him against the turnbuckles! Zack falls to a seated position, and Faqu measures him up, snarling with glee that Malibu is about to be destroyed. He charges in, looking to crush Zack's head against the turnbuckle...but at the last second, Zack moves! COACH He got outta there in the nick of time, Mikey Cole, otherwise his head would've exploded like Gallagher's watermelon! Faqu slams into the turnbuckles, drawing a loud pop from the crowd, who are trying to motivate their hero. Zack comes up to his feet and hits an enzugiri kick to the back of Faqu's head, dropping him to one knee, and then quickly heads out to the apron, springboarding back in with a bulldog on the savage Samoan! ONE! TWO! NO! Faqu is rattled, and Zack looks to keep things that way by planting a kneedrop in his temple, then mounting his shoulders and elbowing the hell out of him! Faqu, whose blood was already spilt earlier with that headbutt, has his nose shifted from left to right as Malibu drives the points of his elbows across his face, only to be thrown off. Zack gets up and charges, but finds himself regretting it as Faqu scoops him up across his shoulders and then falls back, crushing Zack with a brutal Samoan drop! COLE Samoan drop by Faqu, and Zack is down again! COACH You know Michael, in Samoa, they just call that a drop. Zack curls up into a ball, having just had his ribs turned into dust. Faqu gets up and glares at the crowd as he reaches down and drags Zack by the arm to a more open spot in the ring. With Zack laid out, Faqu goes over to the ropes and starts to climb, drawing the interest of everyone in attendance since high-risk is not usually his style! The crowd shows their support, encouraging Zack with a loud chant of his name as he stands up...and as soon as Faqu rises, Zack targets him, running across the ring and driving a knee to the side of his head, nailing him with the ZACK ATTACK~! Faqu falls back, but gets caught from falling by landing against the ropes, only to be sent running while in a daze due to the blow, and caught with a snap powerslam from Zack on the rebound! COACH He just scooped him right up like he was nothing! COLE Zack is on the warpath, but he has to watch how much energy he's expending...he still has a ways to go in this Gauntlet Match! After flooring the sizable Samoan, Zack brings him up and rocks him with a pair of European uppercuts, causing Faqu to teeter but not topple. Zack then unloads with hard strikes, a Malibu trademark, as Faqu is defenseless against the onslaught of palm strikes and then dropped with a roaring elbow! Zack lures Faqu to his feet and then sends him into motion, tossing him into the corner before following up with a ZACK ATTACK II~!, driving both of his knees into the chest of the big man! Zack then whips him to the other side, this time Faqu colliding chest first with the buckles...and a second Zack Attack II follows, with Zack's knees driven into his back! Woozy, the big man staggers back, and Malibu takes him and hoists him up, planting him with a German suplex! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! NO! SHOULDER UP! COLE What an onslaught we just saw there, and it STILL wasn't enough to put that animal down! With sweat beading up on his brow, Zack rolls to his feet and waits on Faqu, crouching in the ready position for his trademark match-ender. As Faqu rises, Zack bursts forward with SCHOOL'S OUT, only to have his foot caught! Faqu throws his leg down and then snatches Zack by the throat, but the persistent prep quickly breaks free by driving an elbow into his cheekbone! Faqu backs away, then fires off a roundhouse kick, but Zack ducks it and uses a quick go-behind, then lifts Faqu again and drops him on the back of his head with a release German that shakes the ring! Holding his head, Faqu fumbles as he tries to stand, and is defenseless this time when Zack makes a second attempt for School's Out, this time cracking the Samoan in the jaw with his trademark superkick! COACH Damn, they musta heard that smack outside! Faqu drops, and Zack drops on top, hooking the leg as the fans count along... ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! COLE He got him! Zack Malibu just scored a victory over Landon Maddix's personal wrecking ball, and now Zack STILL has to face the rest of Cucaracha Internacional! COACH Faqu might not've gotten the win, but he certainly did his part in wearing Zack down for whoever comes out next! Zack gets to his feet and leans on the top rope, watching the aisleway to see who comes out next. Sure enough, it's none other than the leader himself, LANDON MADDIX, who starts coming to the ring slowly. Zack, looking tired and worn, steps back and waves Landon on, eager to lay a hurting on the man who stole the World Title from him just one year ago. Zack keeps an eye on Landon as he approaches the ring...and that's his fatal mistake, as James Blonde nails him from behind with a rabbit lariat! COLE HEY! What the hell is he doing!? COACH So wait...is Landon next, or James Blonde? Maddix is all smiles as he rolls into the ring, while Blonde keeps Zack down by stomping him in the back of the head. At ringside, Nathaniel Black makes his presence felt as well, coming over the railing from the crowd, the same way James Blonde appeared! Hurling Michael Buffer to the floor, Black grabs the steel chair and folds it up, sliding into the ring as Blonde pulls Zack up...and waylays him with a brutal chair shot across the head! COLE Damn him! This was never meant to be a Gauntlet, Coach. This was all a set up! They're trying to take Zack out before this Sunday, before the War Games! CI stands tall, and the numbers grow as Todd Cortez makes his way down to the ring, taking his time and drawing Landon's ire because of it. COLE Todd Cortez out now, and here's a guy who really doesn't want to be doing what he's doing. Zack is pulled up off the canvas again, this time with blood dripping down his face. Black and Blonde hold his arms out, and Faqu gets up and comes off the ropes with a running kick, smashing Zack across the face. Zack drops to the canvas again, and as Black pulls him up, Landon tells him to hold on. Maddix turns to Cortez, who is watching his stablemates, all people he'd rather do without in his life, brutalize the OAOAST's hero. Maddix makes a familiar motion to Cortez, then tells him to grab Zack up off the mat. COLE Landon Maddix wants Zack Malibu out of the way come Sunday, and he wants Todd Cortez to do his dirty work! COACH There's a history there with Zack, both good and bad, but knowing Cortez, this is the last thing he wants to do right now. Cortez refuses to move, not going after Zack despite Landon's wishes. Maddix, growing frustrated, drags Zack over to Cortez and drops him at his feet, ordering him to lay Zack out. Still, Cortez won't move, and that's when the rest of Landon's crew moves in, looking to treat Cortez as they have Zack tonight. Cortez stares Landon down, then quickly moves for Zack, pulling him up and setting him up for a RIOT ACT PLUS~! COLE Damn it, Cortez, don't do it! You don't have to do it! The fans try to call off Todd's intentions as well, as he readies Zack...and then shoves Zack back down to the mat! Incensed, Landon spins Todd around, but Todd winds up taking Landon by the throat and lifting him off his feet, driving him down with an URBAN ASSAULT~! COACH YO~! COLE INSUBORDINATION AT ITS FINEST! Cortez lays out the man he hates more than anything, drawing a huge reaction from the crowd! It's a short-lived freedom celebration however, as the rest of Cucaracha Internacional pounce, pummeling Cortez before he can get up off the canvas! COLE Cortez proved to be defiant tonight, not allowing Landon Maddix to blackmail him into doing his dirty work any longer, but he's paying the price right now! With Landon and Zack both down, it's still a three on one situation, reminiscent of a gang beating from Todd's old neighborhood...and just like in those days more people want to get in on the action, as BOHEMOTH and SLY SOMMERS come charging down the aisle! COACH Here comes the cavalry, Mikey Cole! Bo slides into the ring and immediately tosses a charging Black over the top rope and to the floor with a back bodydrop that splatters him at ringside! COLE There goes one! With Black out of the way, Sommers and Bohemoth square off with the internationally reknowned duo of Blonde and Faqu, trading blows with their War Games opposition...until James Cone appears to chop block Sly from behind, again putting the odds in favor of the rulebreakers! COLE James Cone, the captain of this War Games team is out now, and no matter what, it looks like the odds are stacked against Sly and his allies! Blonde and Cone double up on Sly, and with Blonde holding Sommers at bay, Cone picks up the chair that's been left on the canvas, stained with Zack's blood from the earlier shot. Looking positively vindictive as he playfully jabs the end of the chair at Sly's throat, Cone cocks the chair back, ready to lay out the captain of the opposing team...until LEON RODEZ hits the ring and steals the chair from him, throwing it aside! COACH SILKY SMOOTH, BABY! COLE Leon Rodez! Cone fumes at the save, while Sly kicks his leg back, striking Blonde low, and then hitting a low blow on Cone as well! Sly gets up and he and Leon team up, taking Cone and tossing him through the ropes to the floor, collding with Nathaniel Black as he attempts to get back in the ring! COLE James Cone just got sent airborne, and Nathaniel Black was the collateral damage on that one! Cone and Black get up, both stunned and both angered by the infractions against them...which continue as Rodez and Sommers hit stereo dives from the top turnbuckle, dropping down onto their foes on the outside! At the same time, Bo disposes of Faqu by dumping him over the ropes with a clothesline, and Todd Cortez sends Blonde packing as well, catching him with a spin kick off the ropes that sends him rolling to the floor! With the crowd at a fever pitch, the only man left in the ring is Landon Maddix, who gets up and turns around to come face to face with a blood-covered Zack Malibu! Gulping and in fear of what's to come, Landon steps back, but winds up backing into the "other" last person he'd want to run into at this point, that being Cortez! COACH I have a feeling that this whole thing might be backfiring as we speak! Landon turns around, and without warning, Todd takes him by the head and sets him up for a RIOT ACT PLUS, but Landon bails and goes running from ringside, into the aisleway to regroup with his alliance. Standing tall in the ring though, are now five men, and it looks as though Cortez's defiance has not only made Cucaracha Internacional and James Cone irate, but it's evened the odds for Sunday! COLE An alliance that we've never expected, but one that is certainly formidable. It looks like Sly's got his squad together, because Zack Malibu, Bohemoth, and now Todd Cortez and Leon Rodez are standing side by side with him, calling out James Cone and company! The heels fume in the aisleway, while in the ring, a tense handshake is seen between Leon and Todd. With the memories of two years ago having come up in conversation recently, it appears that Todd is ready to make some amends by fighting on the same side, doing his best to abolish the slavery Landon has him under. COLE The Great Angle Bash is this Sunday, and if tonight's mayhem got you fired up, imagine what you'll see when two rings are enclosed by a steel cage! James Cone, Landon Maddix, Faqu, James Blonde and Nathaniel Black, taking on Sly Sommers, Zack Malibu, Bohemoth, Leon Rodez and Todd Cortez! Fans, it's this Sunday and it's not something to miss! For Da Coach, I'm Michael Cole saying we'll see you this Sunday!

We return to HeldDOWN with mixture of authoritative salsa beats and airy female vocals serenading us as the camera pans across the sold out arena, which is cloaked by a powerful yet calming sheets of purple, blue and dark green. In the stands we see the young woman known as Sophia Grey, seated next to two large heavily tattooed African American men. It seems as though they've been talking notes on the proceedings, and as we watch them, they compare their reports. COLE Sophia Grey? COACH And with some straight up thugs! Those ain't good Irish boys now! COLE It looks like they're scouting, but I can't imagine why, there's been no hiring activities with no president to approve them. Well, folks, Maggie... COACH heheheh that ho gettin played! COLE Maggie Nerdly is backstage with Biff Atlas. Maggie? The scene is the backstage interview position, which I described earlier, where Maggie Nerdly, clad in a black polo and ruffled black skirt, stands casually with Biff Atlas. Outfitted in khaki pants and a plain green t-shirt, Biff looks casual but is anything but as he holds pool cues in front of him as weapons of defense! MAGGIE What's up ya'll? Maggie Nerdly, everyone's favorite Nerdly girl, standing by the side of one Biff Atlas! Biff in just a few days time you'll team up with Vinny Valentine, Rico De Janiero, and Lucius Soul to battle D*LUX and Hollywood Walk of fame member, and most famous person in the OAOAST, Krista Isadora Duncan. You don't seem very excited, though. BIFF And why should I be? Do you think the losers of the French revolution were cranking the soulja boy when they were being lugged through the streets to the guillotine? No! They were crying, and weeping, and begging for their life! I am a prisoner. A prisoner of the corrupt broken OAOAST authority system that will hopefully be changed when we get a new president. I actually have to be across the ring from D*LUX. Can you imagine? D*LUX! Do you know what they did? I invested the trust for my safety and well being into two armed security guards paid for by Mister Moneymaker to protect me from those two. And what happened? I got shot nine times in the chest by them. MAGGIE You trippin! You didn't get shot, you just got superkicked. BIFF It felt like getting shot! Yes it did! Yes it did! These psychos. These ridiculous psychos and their crazy obsession with Krista. I have quite the fanatical appreciation for the comedian Gallagher... MAGGIE Awww snap, is that the guy who smashes the watermelons? BIFF That's the guy that brings laughter and joy to the hearts of millions, Margaret. But if you wanted to disparage him I wouldn't go nuts and attempt to maim you for life like D*LUX does to anyone who goes after Krista. They are out of control! I've never seen anything like it. They should be locked up far, far, far away from us civilized right thinking folks. Monsters. That's what they are! Monsters both of them! What's worse is that Krista and I live in the same city. I can't go into West Hollywood to workout at the gym, because there's an army of militant lesbians waiting to hang me off the lightposts by my testicles! Its a big city, but she's famous, everyone in LA loves a celebrity! And she's a celebrity and that means everyone hates me. I'm not a bad guy, Maggie, I'm not. But I wasn't on VH1, I'm not on the cover of Glamour, I'm not on David Letterman, my dad isn't a congressman I don't sit courtside at Lakers games with Tyra Banks. I don't even sit courtside at Clippers games! I can't even afford tickets! Even my own parents like Krista better than me. I don't think they liked me much to begin with. They recently put me up for adoption and I'm thirty one years old! MAGGIE I know all abouts backstabbing fam, boy. And I got a certain somebody that needs to be put out the Nerdly fam, yesterday. Don't mean to distract you, man, just go on... BIFF And when is the last time she even lost a match? I am not the man to break the winning streak. I am not! FDR said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, well he had the greatest army in the world backing him up. I don't have anything but an OSHAA approved powerbomb! But I have to go through with the fight. I have to. MAGGIE Why do ya think that? BIFF Even in defeat I gotta teach Krista a lesson. And that lesson is about her celebrity status. When you're a celebrity you have a duty to the world to discuss the issues that matter. Instead Krista wants to blah blah blah about bullhooey like rain forests, global warming, endangered species, melting ice caps. Things only a dunderhead would talk about! MAGGIE Ay yo man, didn't you... BIFF Things only a dunder head would talk about! As a celebrity she has to speak on important issues. She has to use her connections... Jumbo looks up from his air hockey game with Denzel Spencer. JUMBO To get me on the Suite Life of Zack and Cody? BIFF Um....use her connections to talk about the issues like- JUMBO Why won't Zack and Cody won't return my fanmail? BIFF (grabbing Jumbo's air hockey paddle and throwing it across the room) Go away! As I was saying, my partners intend on regaining some respect and diginity and I intend to to wake Krista up to hard truths. When you're famous you don't use your fame to put down the little guy, you use it to help better the life of the world's people! You hear me? Better the life of the world's people! MAGGIE Damn, man, you soundin' a bit more confident now. BIFF I am aren't I? And, even better, I'm confident that me and my guys are going to leave the Great Angle Bash with a W! MAGGIE Oh crap! BIFF What? MAGGIE I forgot to tell everyone, and you to. Alix... BIFF Alex Rothberger my consultant with Charles Schwab? MAGGIE A-l-i-x. Alix Maria Spezia... BIFF (worried) Huh? MAGGIE Is gonna be... BIFF (more worried) The lead role in the new Wonder Woman movie? MAGGIE At Krista's side... BIFF At the GLAAD image awards? MAGGIE At the Great Angle Bash! BIFF MAGGIE Oh damn! Biff, man, are you alright? Obviously not, and we fade to commercial as no one rushes to Biff's aid. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT ZACK MALIBU RUNS THE GAUNTLET NEXT

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by! Partly cloudy, partly clothed...an event full of spills and thrills that’ll leave you in chills! The orchestral strains of "Rebirthing" by Skillet grind out over the arena as we return to HeldDOWN~! COLE Here we go, the first in-ring appearance for some time from James Cone. And he's got a BIG preview of what's to come at War Games on his plate. The strings break into crunching guitars as the song hits full swing and the stage EXPLODES in sparks and a continuously billowing flame right at the center. Phoenix emerges and loosens up a little before marching to the ring to the unfamiliar sound of jeers. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first... from Columbia, South Carolina. He weighs in at two hundred and thirty five pounds... ladies and gentlemen, this is JJJAAAAMMMEEESSSS... "LUNAR PHOENIX"... CCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Phoenix looks almost offended at the reaction, shaking his head sadly at the fact he's being percieved as the 'bad guy' all of a sudden. At the ring area, he pauses and surveys before heading up the steps. Phoenix enters the ring and throws his arms up confidently despite the lack of support from the crowd in Des Moines, before heading to his corner and limbering up. COLE Cone has been out of action for the past few weeks through injury. The last time we saw him, he was doing THIS to Sly Sommers and turning the popular opinion of the OAOAST against him, all over Sly Sommers' unbiased opinion of him created a change man... Watching the replay of that on the big screen, Cone remains emotionless... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...until "Liberate" by Disturbed powers through the arena and suddenly he has something to worry about. Powering out from the back, Bohemoth fires up on the stage and flexes his meterosexual muscles before marching on to the ring. BUFFER And, his opponent hails from Greenville, South Carolina! Weighing two hundred, eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Bohemoth, now an official member of Team Sly Sommers this Sunday night. A huge addition to have inside of War Games, but as it stands Sly still only has two partners out of four, where-as Phoenix has the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional on his side! COACH The only partners Sly could find to put their faith in him and they're sworn enemies. What does that say? Bohemoth powers up the ring steps and into the ring, locking eyes with Phoenix before he scales the turnbuckles for some more muscle pumping. COLE First time ever meeting here tonight on HeldDOWN~! A big match with big War Games implications. And as far as Bohemoth and Zack Malibu go Coach, they looked on the same page last week when fending off two of Phoenix's partners this Sunday, James Blonde and Faqu. COACH Yeah but those egos are only gonna stay in check for so long. Proven fact. *BELL RINGS* Bohemoth points at Phoenix and signals that he will break him in half with his bare hands. Phoenix looks around himself in shock...then bails out of the ring! Bohemoth tries escaping the ring, but the referee blocks his exit as Phoenix giggles at how he's gotten out of his beating temporarily. Bohemoth backs off from the referee, seemingly to allow the ref to count...but then climbs out of the ring on the opposite side, then runs around the ring to chase Phoenix! The chase goes all away around the ring until they get back to where Phoenix started, as he slides back into the ring. Bohemoth tries the same thing...but gets met with stomps as soon as he gets his upper torso underneath the bottom rope! Phoenix delivers a barrage of shots to Bohemoth's body, trying to capitalize on the big man being down...but Bohemoth seemingly is feeling no pain from these shots. Phoenix is delivering blow after blow, but Bohemoth is getting to his feet like nothing is happening. Phoenix doesn't notice this, even as the big man gets to his feet. Phoenix starts delivering some hook punches to the stomach before looking up at Bo's face...then being scared back with a big FLEX! COLE Big Bo is not one to be messed with! Phoenix gathers himself, then comes off of the ropes behind him, charges at Bo, and leaps for a flying bodypress...but gets caught by the monster! The crowd cheers as Bohemoth backs into a corner, then hits such a big bodyslam that he tosses Phoenix from one end of the ring to the other! Phoenix bounces off of the mat, comes to his feet, and backs up into the corner behind him, clutching his back. Bohemoth charges across the ring and hits a big avalanche! Bo immediately Irish whips Phoenix to the other corner, then charges across and hits a second avalanche! Bo pulls Phoenix out of the corner with a front facelock, into mid-ring, and lifts Phoenix for a vertical suplex...and he holds him up in the air! COACH Bohemoth has SUCH scary strength! If he doesn't want to let you down, he won't! After about ten seconds, the crowd starts to count along with the length of time Phoenix is being held up in the suplex... ELEVEN! TWELVE! THIRTEEN! FOURTEEN! FIFTEEN! SIXTEEN! SEVENTEEN! EIGHTEEN! NINTEEN! TWENTY! TWENTY-ONE! TWENTY-TWO! TWENTY-THREE! TWENTY-FOUR! TWENTY-FIVE! TWENTY-SIX! TWENTY-SEVEN! TWENTY-EIGHT! TWENTY-NINE! THIRTY! ...and Bohemoth brings Phoenix crashing down to the canvas to the crowd's cheers! However, before Bo can go for the cover, Phoenix rolls out of the ring! The fans catcall Phoenix, who is still holding his back, as Bohemoth reaches over the top rope, trying to grab Phoenix. He gets Phoenix by the neck and pulls him up onto the apron...but Phoenix escapes Bohemoth's clutches by reaching up and raking Bohemoth in the eyes! Bo backs up, holding his eyes, as Phoenix comes back into the ring, comes off of the ropes, and hits a chop-block to Bohemoth's left knee, sending the big man crumbling down! Phoenix puts his foot behind the back of Bohemoth's knee, grabs the ankle, and leaps backwards, trying to yank the knee out of socket! COLE Phoenix knew he couldn't fight a stand-up battle with such a huge man, but everyone's the same size on their back without legs! Phoenix grabs Bohemoth's leg as Bo screams in pain, then yanks on the leg, trying to yank the leg out of socket! Phoenix keeps ahold of the ankle and applies a standing kneebar. Bo escapes by putting his other foot in front of Phoenix's face and pushing him off! Phoenix gets back up, as Bohemoth limps his way back up to his feet. Bohemoth connects with two punches in a row...but Phoenix goes right back to the knee, sending Bohemoth down with a low dropkick. Phoenix gets up and stomps repeatedly on Bo's leg. Phoenix yanks Bo over to the ropes by his leg, then places the leg on the bottom rope. Phoenix climbs onto the middle rope and come crashing down on the knee, which is bridged up in the air! Phoenix climbs back up to the middle rope, the leg still draped on the bottom rope...and he crashes down onto the leg again! Phoenix drags Bohemoth back to mid-ring by the leg and goes for the Figure Four Leglock...but after he twists around the leg, Bohemoth uses his other leg to push Phoenix off of him, sending Phoenix face-first into the top turnbuckle! The momentum of the collision causes Phoenix to stumble backwards, right into a schoolboy... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men come up, with Bo showing obvious pain in his left leg... but he powers Phoenix up for a slam...and his leg gives out, causing him to fall back with Phoenix on top... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Phoenix gets up and starts stomping Bohemoth, who is so powerful that, at one point, he's able to grab Phoenix's foot in mid-stomp and shove him backwards by it. While Phoenix rolls back up to his feet, Bo gets up to one knee. Phoenix sees this and sends him right back down with a low dropkick to the face. With Bohemoth on his stomach, Phoenix wraps his calf around Bohemoth's, then falls backwards, once again hyperextending the knee. Phoenix looks around at the crowd, who boo him for downing one of their heroes. So, he pulls Bohemoth up with a front facelock and hits his patented Snap DDT! COVER! ONE! TWO! SHOULDER UP! The crowd cheers, as Phoenix freaks out! He quickly pulls Bohemoth back up for another DDT...but the crowd's cheers give Bohemoth a surge, causing him to send Phoenix back into a corner with a big charge! Phoenix crumbles into a seated position in the corner, as Bo falls back, holding his knee in pain. Bo tries to kneel up to his feet, but Phoenix gets up first. He pulls Bo up to his feet and goes for an Irish whip...but Bo won't budge! He tries again...and again, Bo won't move. The crowd's beginning to notice that the demeanor on Bohemoth's face is starting to change from pain to rage, as Phoenix again struggles to Irish whip the big man. Phoenix looks up...and Bohemoth growls at him as the crowd roars! Phoenix is scared to death, as he drops to his knees, begging off the big man. Bohemoth looks around, as the crowd begs him not to trust the crafty Phoenix. Bohemoth then grabs Phoenix by the hair and punches him right in the face! COLE The big man might be wounded, but the heart of a shark lives within him...and he sees red! Bohemoth is still limping, but he pulls Phoenix up and whips him off to the ropes. Phoenix comes off of the ropes and runs right into the MURDERLINE! Bohemoth goes down with Phoenix, still holding his knee. Both men get up at the same time, Phoenix throws a punch, but Bohemoth blocks and responds with one of his own that sends Phoenix down! Phoenix bounces back up...and gets another punch right to the face! He goes down, bounces back up, and gets whipped off to the ropes...running right into the big Front Spinebuster! Bohemoth bounces up to his feet, the adrenaline of the crowd's cheers driving him! He signals that the end is near, as he pulls Phoenix up to his feet... COACH This is looking like it's going to be short and sweet... Bohemoth pulls Phoenix up and lifts him for the kill...he swings Phoenix around...but Phoenix lands on his feet in front of Bo, stomps him in the knee to knock him down, then bails out of the ring! COLE What is going on?!?! Phoenix then visibly asks the referee to start counting, because he isn't coming back! The ref's count starts.. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEEEEN! *DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner by countout...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEMOOOOOOTH! Bo's sitting in mid-ring, clutching his knee, as Phoenix is up by the entrance, pointing at his head to show how smart he thinks he is. However, his back is turned to the entrance, which proves to be a huge mistake.. COLE Look behind you, Phoenix! It's Sly! Sly taps Phoenix on the shoulder, but Phoenix brushes him off. Sly does it again...same thing. Sly grabs his shoulder...and Phoenix realizes something is up. He feels behind him, gets a panicked look on his face...then turns around and screams! Sly cocks his fist back and blasts Phoenix in the face with a closed right fist! Phoenix flies backwards, as his hated foe stalks after him! Phoenix paces backwards, then realizes that if he goes back into the ring, Bohemoth is waiting for him! He looks back and forth...back and forth....and then jumps into the crowd and runs! Sly soon chases after before both men get lost from the cameras in the darkness... COLE James Cone can run tonight, but there will be nowhere to run from Bohemoth or Sly Sommers Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash! Right now, let's take it back to Josh Matthews for another update. Josh? Josh is...well you know where he is by now! JOSH Guys, I can safely say Dan Black is out of the running to be the new president. Originally they had discussed him being in an interim role. But Theodore Moneymaker as well as Macho Man wondered if he sunk IntenseZone why wouldn't he do the same to HeldDOWN. Drek Stone's name was brought up and quickly shot down. No one thinks a man who rarely defended his title would command any respect from the locker room. Another candidate was former HeldDOWN general manager and Holly-Wood's younger brother, Northstar. However, given that he's hated by Zack Malibu, the face of the company, and Alix, the second most popular female next to Krista, its doubtful he gets the role. I'll continue to keep you posted though! COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT ZACK MALIBU RUNS THE GAUNTLET TONIGHT

We journey up the Des Moines river from which this very city draws its name. It was originally named La Rivière des Moines, literally meaning "River of the Monks. Its the largest river in the state of Iowa and flows up to southern Minnesota. What a dismal fucking sight. Anyway, the big beats, far out synthesizer and spunky soul inspired voices of are in stark contrast to this ugly picture. And, hey, zack download that song also. Tony Tourettes sits on a leather easy chair in a strangely quiet section of the locker room, that's lit dimly by a small table lamp that rests near his chair. With huge glasses covering his face, he pours over War and Peace. Hey, he's got tourettes, he's not stupid! Unfortunately his time for reading is interrupted by Vinny Valentine and Rico De Janiero bursting through the door. Rico continues to commit crimes against fashion in pink umbros that are mostly covered by a neon green fanny pack, yellow flip flops, and a bright orange tank top. Valentine looks a slight bit better in white pants with a cobra running down the right leg, and a matching blazer that features a glittering heart emblazoned across the back. VINNY Vinny V, makin moves, makin plans, makin moo-lah-lah-lah! Yeah, baby! The next time TV land gets a glimpse of this handsome face Saint Valentine's gonna be standing over the bodies of Krista, and Square*LUX. I can see it now, headlines across the country “LONG LIVE THE KING (OF DISCO): Vinny Valentine and company, over throw world fitness famous queen.” What do you think you get for beating down someone in the Walk Of Fame, Rico? I betcha its good for hosting one of those talent shows on ABC. “So you think you can disco?” I love it! TONY Vinny...WOULD YOU PLEASE SHOVE A DOG'S DICK IN YOUR MOUTH...good to see you! VINNY Hahahaha, Tony T, my man, my main man, my only man, my non homo but still my man, man! What it is what it will be and what it aint, little cousin. Heyyyy, buddy, you got your 15 minutes on The Look Of Love show with Krista on the way back. TONY Yes I...RUBBED ONE OUT TO HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE OF KRISTA AND MINDY NERDLY IN THE SHOWER...was on that show. VINNY If I could get copies of that footage...that would be nice. RICO Eh...uh...me to. Hey, mang, you ain't no carpet muncher. How you get on that show? TONY It was just...I BURIED MY FACE IN THE PRODUCER'S HAIRY AND SWEATY ASS CRACK AND LOVED EVERY STANK MINUTE OF IT...my winning personality I suppose. Why do you ask about the show, anyway? RICO 'Cause, you know, we need some dirt on Krista. VINNY Yeah, and we don't mean made up bunk you can dig out of US Weekly or People from “friend of a friend of a waiter who served Krista at Sky Bar”, we mean the real god damn deal from someone who was actually around her. Dish us some dirt. TONY Like what kind of dirt? RICO The kind of dirt you can bury someone six feet under the ground with, mang. VINNY (smiling) Yeah, that kind of dirt. That good-good-good kind of dirt. What's her number one pet peeve? How can we get under her skin? TONY Her pet peeve? I guess that might be....FLAT ASSED RED HEADS WHO'S CARPET DOESN'T MATCH THE DRAPES....people who lie and deceive her and people who don't use their turn signals. RICO (muttering) Those assholes should be shot dead, man. Run em off the road, stick a shotgun in their temple...BANG BANG BANG, see how Jesus like a man that comes right into Rico's lane uninvited. VINNY People who lie and deceive her? Tony, daddy, Love Connection got canceled a long time ago, cut the eharmony junk and give us the goods! The goods, baby, the goods! Yeah! RICO That's right, mang, there's gotta be something we can target. 'Cause when you're locked into a fight, and the situation is life and death, man, you gotta do one thing and that's go right to the heart. Drive that steak into that bitch's heart, and yank it right out. Rico makes a motion of ripping a heart out which causes Vinny to fearfully recoil. VINNY Tony, my main man, there's has be an ankle injury, torn knee cartilage, leaking breast implants. What's her weakness? TONY Her weakness? Let me think for a second. I guess it might be... LUCY LAWLESS LYING BARE ASS NAKED ON SATIN SHEETS WITH A CUP OF LOW FAT DANNON YOGRUT SQUEEZED BETWEEN HER TITS...I don't think she has one. VINNY Gimmie somethin better than that! You spent weeks with that chickadee! Anything we can use to distract her? TONY Not that I can think of. Perhaps you could try looping Demi Moore...AND HER GIGANTIC TITIES...strip scene from Striptease on the video screen for the whole match. VINNY Heyyyyyy, smmoth idea, Einstein! Rico can't believe what he's hearing and lowers his head in frustrated exhaustion. RICO There ain't no point to this! What's wrong with this guy, eh? This fuckin guy...this fuckin guy...his parents gotta be related. Nothin but inbreeding makes you this stupid. VINNY He's got a disease, take a chill pill, brother man! Rico, baby, we were always gonna take Krista and square*LUX downtown to chinatown. That's destiny, baby! Any info Tony set us up with was just gravy. We're still gonna do this right. Naturally. Its destiny, baby! You ever see Charlie Brown where Lucy holds the football and pulls it away right when Charlie's about to kick it. That's what Krista's been doing to the entire OAOAST for four years! And we're the cats who are gonna start changing things. We're gonna be heroes to the whole damn company! We're gonna do what Chuck should have done. Forget the football, we're gonna plant that boot right in Lucy's mellon! Rico perks up somewhat and gives Vinny a well deserved dap. The two walk out, foolishly over confident on their prospects for victory. VINNY Thanks for nothing, Tony! COLE (O.S.) Folks, we're gonna take it over to Josh Matthews for an update on the president situation. Josh? The view moves to Josh, again standing outside the board of directors room. JOSH Well, things were getting a little heated for a minute in there. COLE What do you mean? JOSH Tony Brannigan attempted to force his way into the search committee. He walked right by, said he was going to add his two cents, and just went in the door. From what he told me, Terry Taylor, Gene Okerlund and Jesse Ventura were receptive to his presence, but it was Theodore Moneymaker who fought hardest to have him barred from the meeting. And, Moneymaker won out in the end, and Brannigan was escorted from the room by security. COLE Wow. How close are they to selecting a president. JOSH Moneymaker is still fighting for his candidate pretty strongly, but there was actually talk about making Zack Malibu, a leader in the locker room, interim president to allow for a longer more detailed search. That was shot down, not surprisingly, by Moneymaker. I can also tell you that Axel is out of the running, the board feels he's to much of a divisive personality to help mend the shattered locker room. COLE Josh, thanks again. Keep us posted. COMMERCIAL

(zack, download this song right now!) accompany us on a trip through Des Moine's gateway park which boasts that modernist sculpture seen above. Up in the ring waiting for his cue is the man who steals money on a weekly basis, ring announcer Michael Buffer. Next to him a short, stocky individual in wrestling tights. BUFFER The following contest, one fall, 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, already in the ring, hailing from Mobile, Alabama, a man who stands no chance in our next match…DENNIS HUCKLEBERRY! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Referee Nick Patrick does all he can to keep an irate Dennis Huckleberry from going after Buffer for his candid comment. As he does so, “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy hits and out comes Baron Windels to a thunderous ovation. BUFFER And his opponent, making his return to the ring, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The consummate baby face, Baron is all smiles and full of high-fives, but awaiting him ringside…MALAYSIA NERDLY. COLE Where did she come here?! More importantly, what is she doing out here? No words are spoken as the two come face to face. Hands in the air Baron attempts to go around the OAOAST Women’s Champion, who REFUSES to let him pass. BARON Now you listen here, missy. You got until the count of 3 to get on your way or else. Arms folded, whip in hand, Malaysia shakes her head NO. COACH If Baron values his personal welfare then he won’t dare lay a hand on Malaysia. Despite her defiance Baron still gives Malaysia till the count of 3 to move. When she doesn’t the shit’s on. But WAIT. Coming up the rear, MR. DICK. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Baron spots him in time and ducks a roundhouse, and then opens fire on his former tag partner! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Jock and Baron not bothering to wait until Sunday night. We’re getting a taste of the Great Angle Bash live tonight. Soundly handling The Dick, Baron’s LASHED across the back by Malaysia’s CAT O’NINE TAILS! BARON MALAYSIA Amazingly, the OAOAST Women’s Champ backs down. NO, it’s only a ploy to distract Baron long enough for MR. DICK TO SWOOP IN AND DELIVER A BULLDOG ON THE ARENA FLOOR!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COACH You were right, Mikey. This is a taste of what’s to come at the Great Angle Bash. OAOAST officials swarm ringside. Meanwhile, enjoying himself inside is Dennis Huckleberry, glad to have been spared the ass-kicking he was sure to receive. Jock notices this and, as the Huckster plays to the crowd, sneaks up and drives Huckleberry into the mat with PURE PENETRATION! COLE Jock Mulligan being a dick as usual. And fans, while Baron receives aid, standing by right now our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan. COACH With some VIPs I hear. We cut to our lavish backstage interview position, once described by Patty IIRC, and will explain again, think of it like an ultra modern sports bar, outfitted with a variety of games such as pool and air hockey, and putting greens and who's walls are lined with videoscreens that show various sporting events from around the country, and who's walls are decorated with various OAOAST paraphernalia. We get it like that, b. where TB is joined by his cousin THEODORE MONEYMAKER and the rest of THE ENTERPRISE. MONEYMAKER BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker, what are you laughing at? Tell me you didn’t find any humor in what just took place? MONEYMAKER I’m simply amused by the mere coincidence those who have spoken out against my Enterprise have all found themselves down and out. BRANNIGAN Knowing you it’s probably more than coincidental. CPA MONEYMAKER Easy, big guy. He’s family. Confused as he is. But I suggest you watch it, cousin. I’ve already gotten rid of one relic around here and I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again. Brannigan and Moneymaker look each other dead in the eye. Tensions high. A true professional, Tony carries on with the interview. BRANNIGAN Let’s talk about that other relic. I’ve heard of Crash TV, but what we saw last week can only be described as… SIMON SINGLETON (smiling proud) Compelling television. BRANNIGAN …TRASH TV! SIMON BRANNIGAN Of all the low things I’ve seen in my time that was by far the lowest I’ve seen anyone stoop. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT As far as we’re concerned, Mr. Brannigan, Anglesault had it coming. Rather than go through the proper chain of command prior to cancelling Reel Talk, he went around the Board of Directors and acted unilaterally. What comes around goes around, a lesson Anglesault learned the hard way. NED BLANCHARD Besides, we took a sex offender off the streets! BRANNIGAN And another stands before me. NED My feelings. They hurt. SIMON Why should anyone feel sorry for him in the first place? He tried to out run the cops. Think about that for a second. Out run the cops. They're driving Hummers, Chargers, motorcycles, and he's hitting the pavement in busted out Air Max 95's. CPA Man, even OJ had the good sense to get him a Ford Bronco. SIMON Reel talk, Chris! He deserves to be fired just for that appalling lack of common sense. Grab a kids power wheels or something. MOLLY Pow-pow-power wheels! King of the road! TONY Apparently, Teddy, you've weaseled you're way into the selection process for a new boss... MACKENZIE DECENZO Weaseling? Please. He was happy just to finally expose Anglesault for the sickening creature we always knew him to be, and fade quietly into the background. The company practically dropped down to their knees and pleaded with him to save him from their incompetence. MONEYMAKER The woman speaks the truth! That's why she's my model employee. MOLLY That's terribly surprising! You've tried to fire her no less than four times. MACKENZIE MONEYMAKER Shush, intern! Cousin, if you're angling for a scoop on who will be the next president, don't waste your time on words that aren't coming anytime soon. Though the introduction of a new president will come at Great Angle Bash, no decision has yet been made. I, however, have my chosen candidate, who I feel is best equipped to correct the course of the OAOAST ship and steer it into the great beyond. This will be a person I will be proud to call boss, and even prouder to call friend. And I will not let the board of director's repeat the error they made with Anglesault. TONY Is there anything else you'd like to add? MONEYMAKER For those who held Anglesault on a pedestal, take heed. Mess with the Enterprise and we'll return in kind, with interest! And please allow me to offer thanks to the many who have seen the just in my cause, and have blessed me with their unwavering support, your loyalty will be rewarded in due time. Moving on to other things, a couple guys making noise right now are MARV and MEL, Molly's lunkheaded elder brother's the Christ Air Express, who dared challenged my Enterprise through their sister’s MySpace page. The Enterprise all laugh, minus CPA because he’s a cool motherfucker. SIMON That’s an epic fail. Even I feel embarrassed for them. MONEYMAKER I first thought maybe one of their loser fans hacked her page, but no, those knuckleheads did indeed co-write a review of this month's High Times magazine and link to numerous legalize marijuana web sites. Well if it’s a fight they want, it’s a fight they’re going to get. NED You heard it hear first, Mean-- err, “Tough” Tony. Can I call you “Tough” Tony? Ah, hell son, I’m gonna call you “Tough” Tony anyway. (clears throat) Sunday at the Great Angle Bash, “Tough Tony”, the stoners will be stoned! BRANNIGAN So it’ll be the CAE vs. Beverly Hills Blonds at the Great Angle Bash? MONEYMAKER Possibly. BRANNIGAN What do you mean possibly? CHRISTIAN WRIGHT I remind you, the challenge was issued to ANY combination of the Enterprise. Therefore it could very well be the Beverly Hills Blonds who represent us, or perhaps myself and Theodore. NED BLANCHARD Hell son, who knows? It might even be CPA and Mackie. BRANNIGAN M-Mackenzie and CPA?! You’ve got to be pulling my leg, Blanchard. Is that a real possibility, Mackenzie? MACKENZIE Tony, honey, as we’ve said all along, there’s no combination the Christ Air Express can beat. We’re smarter, sexier, and richer. In short, we’re better than them. SIMON Now that I think about it, I kinda hope Ned and I are the ones chosen for the match. It’d allow us to release our pent up frustrations after the hottest talk show in all the land was canned a couple weeks ago. * sniff * sniff * Ned and Mackie console Simon. It was his creation after all. MONEYMAKER Just like Obama keeps running from Senator McCain's request to go across the country debating the issues, Anglesault thought he could do the same here and we saw where that led him…straight out of a job! The next GM ought to keep that in mind. But I know we’ll be greeted as liberators no matter who’s selected. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Fade to… COMMERCIAL

The gorgeous, and I do mean gorgeous Iowa State Capital building is on display for all to marvel it. Built in in 1886, it sports a 275 ft tall dome of that is gilded in tissue-paper thin sheets of pure 23-karat gold. Playing in the background is Under The Influence of Giant's Mamas Room, which is 24 karats of awesome! Getting backstage after his eventful Love Shack, Leon Rodez still looks to have a lot on his mind as he walks the halls. As he rounds the corner, he looks around, presumably for Zack Malibu's locker room. Before he can get to where he's heading though, he's accosted. MELODY LEON! HEY, OVER HERE! The last thing he needs right now, Leon forces a smile as Melody Nerdly waves him over from across the hallway where she stands with her brothers The Christ Air Express and big Baron Windels. LEON Hey guys. Have you seen Zack around? MELODY Yeah, we saw him earlier and he was wearing a retro Iron Maiden t-shirt! What a p0ser, spelt 'p zero oser'. Like he's ever listened to Iron Maiden in his life. Phff! I hate people like that. Like, David Beckham. What the hell, you married a Spice Girl, you have no right to advertise old rock bands on your rippling torso! Like, would you own that rockin' Journey t-shirt if you didn't love them? LEON Probably not, but tha... MELODY #Just a small town girl... livin' in a looooonely world... she took a midnight train goin' an - yyy - wheeerrreee# Unable to resist such a rocking song, Leon signs along with the last bit under his breath with a warm smile on his face before snapping back to life. LEON Yeah, look, I need to find him, shirt or no shirt. That came out wrong. But, still. MARV Maybe you should try his locker room? LEON Yeah... thanks... you know I should have to come to you straight away man. MARV Don't mention it. MELODY Are you okay Le', you look kinda down. LEON Ah, it's just Maddix, getting under my skin. He brought up the 'neck thing', that's all. I'm fine really. Smiling sympathetically, Melody rubs at Leon's arm. MELODY I know how you feel. We've all had things happen to us in our life that we'd rather forget... like the time I went on that date with Kobe Bryant. Melody looks off into the distance. LEON Oh great, she's having another one of her obscure internal fantasies. Listen, guys, when she comes around with some weird nonsequiter line, tell her I'll talk to her afte... MELODY Two hours and all he talked about was basketball. Nice guy though. Perfect gentlemen. Anyway, we're gonna go read the message boards to see if they've announced any more of the roster for the OAOAST videogame yet. I mean, I know I had creative input in the project and they took my suggestion to name it No Homo for some reason, but until IGN say I'm in these fingernails are gonna stay chewed down to stubs, cause we both know I don't CAW well. Plus I started a poll on like eight different boards, who would you rather see released, MARV or MEL? Gonna see how that's going. You wanna come with? LEON Maybe later. Melody thinks for a second. MELODY We were thinking about having a NHL '08 tournament afterwards as well. That interest ya? Apparantly it does, as Leon has to think about it. Hard. LEON Well I'm sticking around until the show's over at least. But, keep the Red Wings aside, just incase. Before any further talk can distract him Leon rushes off to try and find Zack again. Melody, The CAE and Baron go back to their conversation meanwhile, with Melody looking pretty happy all of a sudden. We return to the arena which is bathed in a soft yet vibrant mixture of orange, pink and red lights, almost as if the show were occurring in a dream world. COLE Josh Matthews is standing backstage with some information regarding the search for a new president for the OAOAST. Josh, these are crazy, hectic times, do you mind giving us some information. Who is exactly part of this search? We go backstage to Josh Matthews standing in front of a door marked “OAOAST BOD” in bright gold letters. JOSH Michael, the search has actually been going on since last Friday, its just the official announcement of AS' firing came today. The entire board of directors is engaged in the process of finding a suitable replacement for Anglesault. But, they've also recruited help from members of the competition committee such as Terry Taylor, Jesse Ventura and Mean Gene Okerlund. I think the most interesting person on this search party has to be Theodore Moneymaker. COLE Moneymaker?! You can't be serious. JOSH I'm very serious, Michael. The board feels that Anglesault's downfall was created by his draconian style of management that never thought to consult the top stars on the roster, including the most powerful man in the company. Moneymaker is also the third largest investor in the network, and has control over whether this show continues to air or not. Its very important that Anglesault's replacement is someone he approves of. COACH J.Math, how many applicants have they got? JOSH At least a thousand. Now, naturally, they won't hire Mariachi so he can hijack the cameras to film his porno debut “Screamin4Semen” but there are some serious candidates to be looked at. Not the least of which is your former broadcast partner Caboose. COACH Oh hell no! JOSH I've even heard rumblings that Some Guy may be the Right Guy...heehhhe...for the job. There's even the possibility that Dan Black may be brought into an interim general manager role with Jesse Ventura overseeing him as director of wrestling operations. But, its to early to say. I do know that Theodore Moneymaker has his own candidate for presidency in mind. COLE Do they know when a new president will be announced? JOSH The general consensus is that this has dragged out one week too many. The board already thinks of the OAOAST as the inmates running the asylum, and they need someone to at least stop them from burning the place down! I think we could see a new president by the Great Angle Bash. COLE What type of qualities are they looking for? JOSH Strong and flexiable leadership. Someone that can maximize the talents of everyone on the roster, and handle the egos many of our performers have. Terry Taylor joked “Someone who doesn't use craiglist to solicit crackwhores!” I guess that rules you and I out, Coach! COLE Josh, thanks, and keep us updated. JOSH No problem, Michael. COLE Coach, can you believe that Moneymaker actually has a role in picking a new president? COACH Hell yeah, Anglesault sweat syrup. He a phagget ass nigga. His tears is clear kool aid..he a lifeless virgin wit the swag of slug slime, Moneymaker gotta save these clowns from picking another 'Sault. They shoulda listened to him in the first place! COLE Well, folks, we'll be back with more, including the in ring return of Baron Windells! COMMERCIAL

I wills struggle for pictures of landmarks I'm sure! Uh, sorry to do this but I kinda need to call opener and ME. 149 knows how we get it poppin. smoke weed everyday