Patty O'Green

yo, i done passed that ME slot onto the Zack Malibu vs. Cucaracha Internacional Gauntlet Match, so if those youngbloods got no beef, then i got no beef.

Another enjoyable read. Yes there was only one match (a good one at that) but the segments, my friends, the segments, were ab fab. Ya'll niggas stay grindin. Good writing, playboys. Good writing!

3v4 differently abled match Panic At The Disco! & Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew Vs D*LUX and Krista

consider it edited in!

“Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top starts playing, causing the crowd to boo loudly. The entrance doors slide open, and Christian Wright comes out, drawing even more boos. Accompanying him is Mackenzie DeCenzo. Christian stands on the entrance stage and looks at the crowd with a look of disgust on his face, his black briefcase in his right hand. Wright motions for Mackenzie to follow him to the ring, which she does as “Sharp Dressed Man” continues playing. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title match is your main event for HeldDOWN~! this evening. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by Mackenzie DeCenzo. Now residing in Washington, D.C. Weighing in at 8 1/3 bars of gold. Representing The Enterprise. He is “The Natural” CHRISTIIIIIIIAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Christian makes sure to keep his body away from the fans as he makes his way to the ring. COLE Main event time here on HeldDOWN~! Christian Wright of The Enterprise looking to make a mark by taking on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in the main event of our flagship show in a match that was SUPPOSED to take place last week! COACH Normally, I’d be pissed that we were robbed of a Christian Wright match. But in this case, I am willing to make an exception. Christian taunts the fans at ringside and then walks up the ring steps. Wright wipes his feet on the ring apron and then enters the ring. COLE PRL viciously attacked backstage last week by Cuban Wall. Wall has been gunning for Tha Puerto Rican for the past two weeks! COACH And this surprises you because…? PRL is (unfortunately) our World Heavyweight Champion. I think that Cuban Wall is trying to tell PRL something. COLE Like what? COACH Do I have to draw you a diagram or something!? Geeze! It’s so obvious! COLE What is? COACH Oy vey. Christian looks at the crowd with a serious expression on his face. He hands Mackenzie the briefcase, telling her to watch it carefully. He then removes his nifty red polyester jacket, sleeveless white dress shirt and tie and then hands them over to a ringside attendant. He then does some last minute stretches while “Sharp Dressed Man” continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Christian Wright, The Natural, The Financial Analyst, about to lock up with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion for the first time ever! COACH And after Wright gets done with him, Cuban Wall might have his way with Tha Puerto Rican too! Mackenzie wishes Wright good luck and then exits the ring underneath the second ring rope, taking the black briefcase with her as she walks down the ring steps and makes her way to ringside. Mackie taunts a few fans at ringside. Meanwhile, in the ring, Christian stares at the entrance. COLE This match was supposed to take place last week, but didn’t, but here in the OAOAST, we ALWAYS deliver…even a week late! COACH Damn right! “Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top dies down. Christian Wright stands in the ring looking at the entrance. The crowd buzzes in anticipation for the arrival of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. COLE This place is about to come unglued. COACH 20,000 idiots screaming in unison! Wonderful! COLE Will you stop!? A small “P.R.!” chant starts up. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance. The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the P.A. system. The crowd does infact come unglued! The lights go down inside of the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist, and power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused on the ring. The crowd cheers louder than before. PRL unstraps the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from around his waist and then slings it over his left shoulder as he continues his walk to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is the reigning One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the wooooorrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd…The Badd Boy of the OAOAST…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican throws up a “Killa B” (making the letter B with his fingers) as he walks down to ringside. COLE Here he comes! The most charismatic, the most resilient, The Most Electrifying Man In Professional Wrestling! Tha Puerto Rican is in the building on HeldDOWN~! COACH And he is going up against one of The Enterprise’s best! Not that they aren’t all the best, but he is a…certain…kind of…uh…I can’t get myself out of this one, can I? COLE Nope. Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap hands with the fans before power walking around the ringside area. COACH Tha Puerto Rican is in way over his head here! COLE How so? COACH He’s never faced someone who has the talent of Christian Wright! COLE Well, PRL has never backed down from a challenge before! COACH Since when!? COLE Since November 30, 2007? COACH Oh come on! Tha Puerto Rican climbs up the ring steps. Tha Puerto Rican gets onto the ring apron. He gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican puts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in front of him, and then does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still cheering loudly. PRL grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and heads to a second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and smiles. The crowd cheers. PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and heads on over to another second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head again to more cheers. COLE A 10-year journey came to an end at OAOAST AngleMania VII, and since then, Tha Puerto Rican has been living out his dream! COACH We heard that enough over the past 3 months! SHUT UP WITH IT ALREADY! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is at top of the mountain, and he hopes to remain on top for a long time! COACH Hopefully, his Title reign will be over by The Great Angle Bash! We can only hope! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to a third second turnbuckle where he proceeds to raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his right hand while “smelling the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. COLE Tha Puerto Rican set for action coming up next! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Christian Wright is our main event for tonight’s edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! And it is coming up right after this commercial break! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to the fourth second turnbuckle as we go to break. *COMMERCIAL BREAK* We return from commercial break with Tha Puerto Rican in the ring, looking at Sofa Central. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~! and fans, we have been joined by a special guest. The camera cuts to Sofa Central where CUBAN WALL is shown sitting next to Michael Cole. Cuban Wall is wearing a headset, in addition to his sunglasses, gold chains, and usual wrestling attire…except that instead of a white Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation T-shirt, Cuban Wall is wearing a black PRL T-shirt! COLE Cuban Wall is with us…wearing a PRL T-shirt for some reason! CUBAN WALL Hey, isn’t everyone a Lightning Bolt? I’m somebody! Therefore I am a Lightning Bolt! COACH That makes perfect sense to me! COLE Well Wall, no offense, but what gives you the right to wear a PRL T-shirt after the hell that you put Tha Puerto Rican through over a 5 month period? CUBAN WALL This is the start of a new era, right? The PRL Era? Well, I’m letting bygones be bygones! I am rooting for my old boss in his match tonight! COLE After beating the crap out of him two weeks straight!? CUBAN WALL Cole, don’t start! COACH Yeah, Cole! Don’t start! Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses, earring, red hat, red vest, and red chaps and hands all of that over to the ringside attendant. He then stares at Cuban Wall. COLE And it looks like PRL sees you, Wall. WALL Go get ‘em, boss! I’m pulling for you! PRL says something to Wall, and then kisses the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt before handing it over to referee Earl Hebner, who then hands it over to a ringside attendant, who then hands it over to the timekeeper. PRL stretches in the ring. Christian Wright talks some last minute strategy with Mackenzie DeCenzo, and then climbs up the ring steps. COLE Tha Puerto Rican won a Triple Threat Match against “Urban Legend” Todd Cortez and Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix at School’s Out in his first ever OAOAST World Heavyweight Title defense. CUBAN WALL Pfft. He got lucky. I mean, COME ON PR! COME ON! Tha Puerto Rican continues staring at Cuban Wall from inside of the ring. He appears to be greatly annoyed that Wall is at ringside. Christian Wright enters the ring. Earl Hebner tells PRL to focus on the match as “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. CUBAN WALL Let’s go PRL! Root some Enterprise ass! COLE Earl Hebner pats down Christian Wright. He then pats down Tha Puerto Rican. PRL continues staring at Cuban Wall. CUBAN WALL Yeah, I’m here! Go PRL! COLE Are you kidding me!? WALL No, and I would shut up if I were you! COACH Yeah! Earl Hebner gives Tha Puerto Rican and Christian Wright some last minute instructions, and then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* NON-TITLE MATCH THA PUERTO RICAN vs. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT (with Mackenzie DeCenzo) Tha Puerto Rican glances over at Cuban Wall, and then turns his attention to Christian Wright. He circles the ring with Wright. Tha Puerto Rican and Christian Wright lock up. COLE And here we go! Main event time on HeldDOWN~! WALL All right, PRL! You got Wright right where you want him! COLE Both men jockey for position. Christian Wright delivers an arm-drag to Tha Puerto Rican. Wright taunts PRL while PRL sits up, a little surprised by this. COLE Christian Wright draws first blood in this match! CUBAN WALL Like that’s a surprise…I mean…COME ON PUERTO! Don’t let that jabrony show you up! Tha Puerto Rican glances over at Cuban Wall and then stands up. He and Christian circle the ring. PRL and Wright lock up. Christian grabs PRL from behind in a waistlock. PRL goes behind Wright with a waistlock of his own. However, Wright grabs Tha Puerto Rican and gives him another arm-drag! PRL slaps the mat in frustration! THA PUERTO RICAN DAMNIT! COLE Tha Puerto Rican seems to be a little off his game here. CUBAN WALL Are you saying that Christian Wright can’t hang with Tha Puerto Rican? COLE No. But if you noticed, he’s been looking at you every 5 seconds it seems. CUBAN WALL He’s just stunned that I’m out here supporting him! COLE You may be right. Hell, I’M stunned too! CUBAN WALL Yeah, but you don’t count. COACH BURN~! PRL glances over at Cuban Wall again. He then stands up. Christian Wright and Tha Puerto Rican circle each other one more time. They lock up. Christian grabs a headlock on Puerto. He cinches the hold tight, Mackenzie rooting him on. However, Tha Puerto Rican soon backs Wright into the ropes, and then shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Wright charges forward, PRL grabs him, goes for a Gorilla Press Slam--NO!--Wright escapes and lands on his feet behind Tha Puerto Rican! Christian then gets down onto his knees, grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s legs, and then simply takes his feet out from under him, causing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion to land right on his face on the mat! COACH HA! HA! CUBAN WALL Oh, that was bad. PRL slaps the mat in frustration again! CUBAN WALL Don’t let that fluster you, boss! Don’t let it! CW taunts PRL while he’s on his knees on the mat. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is clearly getting frustrated! And again, he looks at Cuban Wall! CUBAN WALL Are you trying to say something, Michael Cole? COACH Yeah, he’s saying Tha Puerto Rican has got a crush on you! COLE No, Coach. Not that. CUBAN WALL Then what? COLE Nothing. Nevermind. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT THAT’S YOUR CHAMPION!? COME ON! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE How much of a boost would it be for Christian Wright’s career if he were to defeat the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion here tonight? COACH A huge boost! Perhaps this would lead to a World Title shot in the future! CUBAN WALL Yeah, but it’s not going to happen! COME ON PRL! Tha Puerto Rican gets up. He snorts, cracks his knuckles, and then cranks his neck. PRL heads to a turnbuckle corner and removes his Puerto Rican flag bandana and throws it into the crowd. THA PUERTO RICAN JUST BRING IT! COLE Uh-oh! Tha Puerto Rican is fired up now! Christian Wright charges for a punch--BLOCKED! Tha Puerto Rican punches Wright in the face with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He does it again and again and again! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! PRL grabs Christian Wright and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes, and follows with a hip toss! PRL backs up into the ropes, and then charges forward. When Christian Wright gets up, Tha Puerto Rican clotheslines Wright over the top rope and onto the floor! PRL then skins the cat back in! COLE Tha Puerto Rican’s phenomenal athletic ability on full display here! CUBAN WALL It’s what led him to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! COACH What the hell is wrong with you, Wall!? PRL then does a reverse skin the cat, going back on the outside. He walks on over to Sofa Central where Cole, Coach, and Cuban Wall (Triple C?) are sitting. The P.R. Menace points a menacing finger at Wall and runs his mouth while Wall just sits there and smiles. CUBAN WALL Yeah, boss! You’re the man! You’re #1! You know it! Yeah! You’re the man! Yeah! Cuban Wall gives PRL two thumbs up. PRL responds with two middle fingers in return. The crowd cheers. CUBAN WALL He's saying I'm #1 too! That's so nice of him! COLE PRL hasn’t forgotten what you did last week AND two weeks ago, Wall! CUBAN WALL Eh, it takes him a while to forgive and forget. Don’t worry, he’ll get over it. Eventually. Tha Puerto Rican glances over at Wall one more time, and then goes on over to grab Christian Wright and pick him up. PR throws him back into the ring. PRL then skins the cat back into the ring himself. COACH Show-off. CUBAN WALL No argument here…I mean…GO P.R.! COLE PRL picks Christian Wright up and slams his face into a top turnbuckle pad! Mackenzie cringes watching this. P.R.L. then grabs Wright by his head and brings him down onto the mat with a headlock takedown! PRL cinches the headlock on tight as Earl Hebner makes the count. 1... 2... RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!! COLE Almost the count of three! COACH Phew! Thank Goodness that wasn’t it! CUBAN WALL Coach, didn’t you used to like Tha Puerto Rican? COACH I did. Until he became a wuss last year. CUBAN WALL He’s not a wuss. He’s our CHAMP! COACH Who are you and what have you done to Cuban Wall? PRL continues holding onto the headlock on the mat. He cinches the hold tight, not letting Wright move at all. But then CW gets on his hands and knees, still in the headlock. Wright then gets on his right knee. Then onto both of his feet, still in the headlock. CW backs PRL into the ropes, and then shoves him off into the opposite ropes. PRL bounces off of the ropes, leaps over Christian Wright, charges forward, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward, Christian leapfrogs over Tha Puerto Rican, PRL charges forward again, bounces off of the opposite ropes, Christian gets onto the mat to go for a monkey flip, however, Tha Puerto Rican stops in his tracks and kicks Christian right in the face to prevent the monkey flip from happening! CUBAN WALL HA! HA! That PRL! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COACH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN!?!?!?!? Christian holds his face in pain as he gets up. He heads to a corner. PRL follows Wright, grabbing him, and whipping him into the opposite turnbuckles. PRL then charges forward with a Stinger Splash--CHRISTIAN WRIGHT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! PRL hits the top turnbuckle stomach first! COLE Oh my! PRL hitting nothing but turnbuckle on that Stinger Splash! COACH Great! CUBAN WALL Ah nuts! Mackenzie DeCenzo smiles evilly on the outside while Christian Wright shakes the cobwebs out of his head. When he sees a prone PRL lying across the top turnbuckle, Wright takes the opportunity to charge forward and kick Tha Puerto Rican in the stomach, causing him to collapse off of the top turnbuckle and onto the protective mats on the outside! COACH YEAH! COLE Tha Puerto Rican sent all the way to the outside with that kick from Christian Wright! COACH Fourth down, time to punt! CUBAN WALL You idi--I mean, oh! That--that is just--wrong! Christian Wright goes back to shaking the cobwebs out of his head. Earl Hebner starts his 10 count. Tha Puerto Rican struggles to get back to his feet. COLE Hey, Wall, why don’t you go help PRL? CUBAN WALL When he’s in real trouble, I will. But for now, I am confident that he can come back from this! COLE Uh-huh. Sure. CUBAN WALL Don’t look at me like that, Michael. Tha Puerto Rican gets up and staggers around ringside. As he does this, Christian Wright bounces off of the ropes, charges forward…and nails PRL with a baseball slide sending him back onto the floor! COACH WOO-HOO! CUBAN WALL *Chuckles* COLE Are you laughing, Wall? CUBAN WALL I’m just thinking of a funny Simpsons episode. COLE Which one? CUBAN WALL Uh…all of them… Earl Hebner warns Christian about the baseball slide. Wright nods his head and says that he will go by the rules from now on. Meanwhile, PRL continues struggling to get up. COLE PRL in a bad way here. CUBAN WALL COME ON, BOSS! COME ON! COACH This is insane! CUBAN WALL This is HeldDOWN~! PRL uses the ring apron to pull himself up. As soon as Wright sees this, he backs up into the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, and goes for a baseball slide…that MISSES as PRL moves out of the way. PRL then grabs Wright by his head and slams his face onto the ring apron! COACH No! No! CUBAN WALL Yes! Yes! Christian Wright holds his face in pain. PRL catches his breath. CW staggers around ringside, stopping to rest on the barricade. PRL sees this and charges forward…but CW grabs PRL and lifts him up, slamming him chin-first into the barricade! COLE Oh my~! PRL slammed into that barricade by Christian Wright! COACH I like it! COLE PRL is in trouble! What’s gonna happen next? Will Christian Wright defeat the World Heavyweight Champion? We’ll find out when we return! Tha Puerto Rican clutches his chin in the aisle! Christian Wright shakes the cobwebs out on the outside. Mackenzie DeCenzo applauds Wright. Cuban Wall watches the match intently. Wall watching the match is the last image that we see before we fade to black. *FADE TO BLACK* COMMERCIALS We return to live action with Christian Wright covering Tha Puerto Rican. 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and fans, Christian Wright has really taken it to Tha Puerto Rican during the break! He has remained in control the entire time! COACH Like that is a surprise! CUBAN WALL I know! I mean…bad Coach! Bad! Christian Wright grabs Tha Puerto Rican and slams his face into a top turnbuckle pad. Wright then kicks Tha Puerto Rican in the stomach! CW then punches PRL in the face! He then kicks PRL in the stomach again! Then a punch! And a kick! And a punch! And a kick! Christian keeps switching back and forth between punching and kicking Tha Puerto Rican, worrying the crowd! COACH Look at Christian Wright go! HA! HA! CUBAN WALL Come on PRL! You’re looking like a chump here! COACH And that surprises you because…? Christian Wright continues pounding away on Tha Puerto Rican until Earl Hebner forces Wright to stop. Wright does indeed stop, and Tha Puerto Rican slumps onto the mat, severely weakened from Wright’s assault! COLE Tha Puerto Rican really suffering the consequences here! Christian Wright grabs PRL by his left hand and backs him up against the ropes. Wright whips PRL into the opposite ropes. He follows with a clothesline, knocking the World Champion down! Wright then covers PRL, hooking his left leg. 1! 2! COACH Got ‘im! KICK OUT!!! CUBAN WALL Nope! COACH Crap! COLE So close! COACH Come on! That was a three count! Is AngleSault bribing that referee? COLE Oh, will you stop!? Christian Wright doesn’t let the two count faze him. Instead, CW applies a chinlock on PRL. Wright cinches the hold tight on The People’s Champion. COACH Look at Wright go to work on Tha Puerto Rican! He’s hanging with him! CUBAN WALL He’ll get his second wind soon. Don’t worry. COACH I’m not. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” CUBAN WALL P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! COACH WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? The crowd claps in unison, but it doesn’t seem to be working as Christian Wright further weakens Tha Puerto Rican with the chinlock. The chinlock causes PRL to fall onto the mat, the chinlock still applied. Mackenzie tells Wright not to let go of the chinlock. Earl Hebner checks on the groggy Puerto Rican. COLE Christian Wright has the World Champion right where he wants him! COACH And now he will soon be going for the death blow! CUBAN WALL No, he won’t. PRL will pull it out! I just know that he will! The crowd’s clapping in unison gets louder. PRL starts moving his fingers. He sits up, still in the chinlock. He then gets to his left knee. PRL then starts shaking his fists. CUBAN WALL See? Told ya. PRL slowly stands up, still in the chinlock. But that soon ends when PRL elbows Christian Wright in the gut. He then does it again! And again, breaking the chinlock! PRL then charges forward, bouncing off of the ropes, right into a punch to the stomach from Christian Wright! That is enough to bring Tha Puerto Rican to his knees! COACH That ended before it started! Wright takes a moment to catch his breath, and then nails PRL with an uppercut that knocks him down! COLE What an uppercut from Christian Wright! CUBAN WALL Dang! COACH Yeah! Wright takes a deep breath, and then charges forward, kicking PRL in the stomach! PRL clutches his stomach in pain as he rolls out underneath the bottom ring rope. Wright stops to catch his breath some more. COLE Christian Wright standing tall right now! CUBAN WALL He won’t be for long! COACH ????????????? CW grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his head as he’s getting up. PRL stands on the ring apron. CW holds PRL’s head back against the top ring rope. Earl Hebner warns Wright to let go of PRL by the count of 5. Wright looks at the referee, and then looks at Mackenzie DeCenzo, who nods her head yes. Christian smiles evilly and then punches PRL in the face, knocking him back down onto the ring apron! COACH Great move! CUBAN WALL God, you are pathetic, P.R.! COLE Huh? CUBAN WALL I mean, Go, P.R., Go! Christian Wright walks away as Earl Hebner scolds him for what he just did. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Christian Wright goes back to PRL, picking him up--PRL headbutts Wright in the gut! He then punches Christian Wright in the face a few times, before spitting into his left hand, and knocking him down with a punch! PRL looks at the crowd, and then jumps up onto the top ring rope, and then springboards off of it, doing a 450 Splash right onto Christian Wright! COLE The San Juan Jam! We haven’t seen that move in ages from Tha Puerto Rican! CUBAN WALL PRL pulling out all of the stops tonight! COACH Oh no! Tha Puerto Rican has Christian Wright cover, hooking his right leg. Mackenzie DeCenzo is freaking out on the outside. Earl Hebner counts. 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRL picks CW up. CW scratches PRL in the eyes! He then hits Puerto Rican with an European Uppercut! He then hits Puerto with another European Uppercut! He then hits PRL with a third European Uppercut--NO!!--PRL ducks the European Uppercut and grabs Wright’s arms to give him a backslide! ONE! TWO!! KICKOUT!!! CUBAN WALL YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! YOU STILL CAN’T PIN CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!? COLE Whoa! You seem annoyed right now! CUBAN WALL You’re damn right I’m annoyed! Both PRL and Christian Wright get up at the same time. Wright meets PRL with a LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! CUBAN WALL OH FOR CRIPES SAKE! Mackenzie applauds Christian from the outside. Christian stops to catch his breath. PRL lies on the mat, spread eagle, breathing hard, his eyes glazed over. MACKENZIE DECENZO PIN HIM! PIN HIM! PIN HIM! CUBAN WALL GET THE HELL UP PRL! STOP PLAYING GAMES! Christian looks over to Mackenzie, who tells Wright to continue the attack. So, the Financial Analyst gets up, and then grabs Tha Puerto Rican, picking him up in the process. Wright shoves PRL into a corner. He taunts P.R., and then punches him in the face! He then punches PRL in the face again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! He keeps punching Tha Puerto Rican, even further weakening him. COLE Christian Wright won’t let up! He’s beating the hell out of Tha Puerto Rican now! CUBAN WALL Oh come on! You can’t even fend off Christian Wright! What kind of a World Champ are you!? COACH FINALLY you’re starting to make some sense! Earl Hebner warns Christian Wright to stop punching Tha Puerto Rican, which he eventually does, letting Tha Puerto Rican just slump onto the mat again. COLE Christian Wright punched Tha Puerto Rican into oblivion! CUBAN WALL This is ridiculous! No wonder Popick took over The Lightning Crew! COLE Hey, aren’t you rooting for PRL? CUBAN WALL I am…that’s why I am SO upset right now! COLE Ooookay. PRL is groggy. Christian Wright sneers at Tha Puerto Rican, and then kicks him in the stomach several times. Wright then picks the dazed OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion up, grabs him by his left hand, and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckles. PRL hits the turnbuckles back-first HARD! PRL stumbles forward, right into a punch in the stomach from Christian Wright! Wright then bounces off of the ropes, and delivers a spinning neckbreaker to The People’s Champ! Wright covers Tha Puerto Rican. Earl Hebner counts. COACH This is it! ONE! TWO!! THR--KICKOUT!!!! COLE Kickout at 2.999999999999999999999! CUBAN WALL That’s a lot of nines. COLE We gotta take our last commercial break! We will be right back right after this! Christian Wright yells at the referee as we head into commercial. FADE OUT * COMMERCIAL BREAK * We return from commercial break with Christian Wright applying another chinlock on Tha Puerto Rican. The chinlock has weakened PRL and caused him to fall onto the mat. Wright has a serious look on his face while applying the chinlock on the OAOAST Champion. Earl Hebner checks on PRL while the crowd roots PRL on. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, Christian Wright still in control of Tha Puerto Rican, applying another chinlock on The Great One. CUBAN WALL He’s not so great. COACH Thank you! PRL’s eyes are closed. COLE Christian Wright maintains his control over Tha Puerto Rican! CUBAN WALL Oh come on! PRL isn’t moving. The crowd is starting to worry. Earl Hebner makes the count. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!! CUBAN WALL He got lucky there. COACH Yeah. CW is stunned that PRL’s left arm is in the air. However, Christian wenches the chinlock tight, and PRL’s left arm slowly falls back down to the mat. Earl Hebner makes the count again. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHRISTIAN WRIGHT UGH! COME ON! COLE PRL is watching the ref. CUBAN WALL He’s taking advantage of the situation like he always does. The little sneak! COACH Good. You’re back to normal now! Tha Puerto Rican starts moving his feet. The crowd starts cheering loudly. PRL’s left arm is still in the air. The crowd gets louder and louder. PRL sits up, still in the chinlock. He is still moving his feet. Puerto gets to his left knee, still in the chinlock. PRL then gets to a vertical base, still in the chinlock. Tha Puerto Rican hits Christian Wright in the gut with an elbow. He then hits Wright with another elbow to the gut! He then hits Christian Wright with several Rock-style punches to the temple! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Christian backs into a corner. Once there, he kicks PRL in the stomach, grabs him, and then the two switch places with PRL getting hammered by Christian Wright in the turnbuckles. HOWEVER, Tha Puerto Rican grabs Wright, and the two switch places again, with PRL hitting CW with more Rock-style punches to the temple! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is back in control! COACH WHAT!? PRL grabs Christian Wright by his left hand and gives him a whip into the opposite turnbuckles--Christian Wright reverses--PRL hits the turnbuckles. PRL stumbles forward, Christian Wright kicks PRL in the stomach and then grabs him. COLE He could be going for the Stockmarket Crash here! COACH Yeah! NO!!! PRL escapes, and hits Christian Wright with Rock-style punches to the temple! Punch. Punch. Punch. Spit. Punch! PRL grabs Christian Wright by his left hand, and then gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--Christian Wright reverses--PRL bounces off of the ropes, Christian Wright goes for a clothesline, Tha Puerto Rican ducks the clohtesline, charges forward, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward again, leaps up, and nails Christian Wright with a Flying Forearm! COLE Flying Forearm from Tha Puerto Rican! KIP-UP~! COLE Tha Puerto Rican back up again! CUBAN WALL FINALLY! COACH NO! The crowd comes alive! PRL looks over to Cuban Wall, sneers at him, and then turns back to the match. Tha Puerto Rican gives Wright a shaky leg kick, and then picks him up, just so he can slam him back down onto the mat, causing the crowd to cheer louder. COLE Here we go! COACH Oh damn! CUBAN WALL Good. Tha Puerto Rican makes sure that Christian Wright is in position before exiting the ring and climbing the top rope. PRL climbs to the top turnbuckle and then removes his left elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. COLE He’s going for it. CUBAN WALL Just do it already! Quit stalling! COACH COME ON CHRISTIAN! GET UP CHRISTIAN! PRL positions himself on the top rope. He then stands up straight before leaping off of the top rope…doing the “Up yours!” hand gesture in mid-air…and then dropping his left elbow into the heart of Christian Wright! The crowd cheers! COLE The People’s Elbow Drop! The People’s Elbow Drop on Christian Wright! PRL takes a deep breath, and then covers Wright. Earl Hebner counts. 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH Yes! COLE No! CUBAN WALL Shouldn’t have stalled, P.R.! COLE Wall, your former leader almost pinned Christian Wright right there! CUBAN WALL But he didn’t! And that’s the important thing! COACH You gotta give Christian Wright a lot of credit! PRL has thrown everything but the kitchen sink at him, and he STILL survives! CUBAN WALL I know! He’s not on his “A” game today! What’s up with that!? PRL stares at Cuban Wall. He then gets up, still staring at Wall. P.R. picks Christian Wright up. Mackenzie looks on, worried. PRL grabs Wright by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite ropes. PRL puts his head down, so Wright bounces off of the ropes, stops in his tracks, and grabs PRL, placing him in between his legs. COACH Look at this! Christian Wright looks at Mackenzie, and then grabs PRL, lifting him up into the air for a Powerbomb…which Tha Puerto Rican reverses into a Hurricarana! HOWEVER, CW reverses the pinfall attempt into one of his own! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH He got him! COLE No he didn’t! CUBAN WALL Clearly I made the right decision abandoning PRL last year. Both men get up at the same time. Christian Wright quickly pokes PRL in the eyes! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Christian Wright’s Powerbomb attempt into the hurricarana followed by the reversed pin. CUBAN WALL PRL CLEARLY isn’t the same guy that he was a few years ago! COLE You’re right. Some might say that he is better! CUBAN WALL Those people would be wrong. The PRL of 2005 wouldn’t have let somebody reversed his Hurricarana like that! COLE No, but he would have someone like you interfere in the match by now! CUBAN WALL Yes he would. And I would have gotten the job done. Unlike him. Back to live action with Christian Wright punching PRL in the face in a corner. Wright then grabs Puerto by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. PRL grabs the top ring rope before crashing into the turnbuckle and leaps up. Christian Wright charges forward, and stops himself from crashing into the turnbuckle himself. As he does this, PRL lands on his feet right behind Wright. Wright turns around. *KA-POW~!* SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON CHRISTIAN WRIGHT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 COLE The Sweet Chin Music! The Sweet Chin Music connects on Christian Wright! COACH AAH! CUBAN WALL Go for the cover! Go for the cover! PRL looks at the crowd. “THAT’S IT!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Oh crap! CUBAN WALL Stop posing and do it already! COLE Tha Puerto Rican with all of the momentum now! The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican gets into his predator position for the P.R. Nightmare. He waits for Christian Wright to get up. Mackenzie tries to warn Wright of his impending doom. COLE PRL looking for the P.R. Nightmare here! COACH Please don’t hit it! CUBAN WALL COME ON AND GET IT OVER WITH! CW rolls onto his stomach. PRL stares at Wright, growing impatient with how long it is taking for him to get up. COACH Christian! Look out Christian! Christian Wright pushes himself up to his hands and knees. COLE PRL is going for it! PRL is going for the P.R. Nightmare! COACH Christian, you gotta get out of there! Christian Wright crawls around the ring. PRL is itching to do the P.R. Nightmare. CUBAN WALL Why must you always do it this way!? COACH Oh no! Christian Wright gets to his right knee. Mackenzie is freaking out on the outside. COLE Will Christian Wright suffer a P.R. Nightmare for the first time in his career? COACH I hope not! Christian Wright slowly starts to get up. COLE We could be moments away from the P.R. Nightmare, guys! COACH & CUBAN WALL WE KNOW! COLE Geeze. Sorry! The crowd is at a fever pitch. Christian Wright slowly gets to a vertical base. Mackenzie DeCenzo tries in vain to warn Christian Wright of the P.R. Nightmare. Tha Puerto Rican is hunched over, ready to deliver his finishing move. COLE Here it comes! COACH Oh no! COACH JUST DO IT! Christian Wright is at a vertical base. He wipes the sweat off of his forehead, takes a deep breath, looks around the crowd, and then turns around. Mackenzie DeCenzo yells. KICK WHAM P.R. NIGHTMA--NO!!!!!! CHRISTIAN WRIGHT ESCAPES~!!!!!!!! COLE Oh my~! COACH YES! CUBAN WALL Crap! Christian Wright kicks PRL in the stomach. CW then grabs PRL. COACH Stockmarket Crash! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THA PUERTO RICAN ESCAPES~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 KICK WHAM P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE P.R. Nightmare! The P.R. Nightmare on Christian Wright! COACH Oh no! CUBAN WALL Yes! Tha Puerto Rican glares angrily at Cuban Wall, and then covers the knocked out Christian Wright, hooking both legs. Mackenzie DeCenzo can only watch, crushed, as Earl Hebner makes the count with the crowd counting along. 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (11:32) “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Another victory for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH No! “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican sits on the mat, staring angrily at Cuban Wall. The crowd cheers loudly. Christian Wright continues lying knocked out on the mat. BUFFER Here is your winner…the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the wooooorrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Earl Hebner hands Tha Puerto Rican the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. PRL still sits on the mat, looking at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. He then looks at Cuban Wall. COLE PRL with an impressive victory over Christian Wright here tonight! Cuban Wall stands up and applauds PRL with a cocky smirk on his face. Cole and Coach look on puzzled. COACH Uh… COLE Um… CUBAN WALL All right, P.R.! All right! Woo-hoo! You did it, boss! Just like in the old days! Way to go! WOOOOOOO! COACH Did you take acid before coming out here? Cuban Wall continues applauding Tha Puerto Rican while Tha Puerto Rican just glares angrily at Cuban Wall. COLE Well…Tha Puerto Rican…(trying to speak over Cuban Wall’s clapping)…managed…to pick up a hard fought win against…Christian Wright…and now…he…will…Oh I can’t do this! Wall, stop it! Cuban Wall is still applauding PRL. Tha Puerto Rican mutters angrily at Cuban Wall in the ring. He points a menacing finger at Wall. COLE This has certainly been an interesting night here on HeldDOWN~! Especially with our main event! COACH You don’t have to tell me twice. Cuban Wall is still applauding PRL. PRL looks at Wall, and then stands up. Tha Puerto Rican heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity” ala The Rock. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL then stares at Cuban Wall. PRL does the McMahon SNEER~! on the second turnbuckle. P.R. gets off of the second turnbuckle and does the same Rock pose on the opposite second turnbuckle. The crowd cheers some more as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing. Cuban Wall finally stops clapping. CUBAN WALL All right, enough of this charade. Tha Puerto Rican got lucky beating Christian Wright tonight! Just because he was able to escape the Stockmarket Crash doesn’t mean he’s the superior wrestler! He just got lucky! Just like how he got lucky at School’s Out, and just like how he’s been lucky his entire freakin’ Title reign! COACH NOW he is back to normal! Phew. Thought that he went insane for a second there! COLE So, why did you come out here and pretend to root for PRL then, Wall? WALL Because I felt like doing it. Duh. What other reason do I have to have? COACH Yeah. He’s 6’7” 285 pounds. Let him have some fun if he wants to! WALL That’s right, Coach! I can do what I want when I want! And what I want now is something that Tha Puerto Rican currently has! COACH I hear you loud and clear, Wall. COLE I think Tha Puerto Rican hears you loud and clear too, Wall. WALL He damn well better. Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the second turnbuckle. He stands in the middle of the ring and glares at Cuban Wall. He then does the HBK muscle pose while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and smiling. The crowd cheers. PRL then turns around and does the HBK muscle pose while holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and smiling again for the other side of the arena. He does it for the two other sides of the arena as well. PRL then looks at Wall again. He mutters something, and then calls for a microphone. Mackenzie DeCenzo helps Christian Wright back up the entrance ramp. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is victorious here tonight on HeldDOWN~!, but he is not done yet, it seems! COACH What does he want now? Can’t we go without hearing his annoying high-pitched voice for one week!? Tha Puerto Rican receives a microphone from a ringside attendant. He thanks the ringside attendant. He then stares at Cuban Wall. CUBAN WALL (sarcastically) Oh, I’m SOOOOOO scared! Cuban Wall does the Scott Hall “wiggle fingers” taunt. COLE You know very well that Tha Puerto Rican can run his mouth with the best of them, Wall. CUBAN WALL Third-rate Rock ripoff. COACH HA! HA! Tha Puerto Rican slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. He has the microphone in his left hand. He is breathing hard, sweating, and tired from his match. But he still has a look of ANGER on his face as he stares down Cuban Wall from the ring. PRL starts pacing back and forth inside of the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN All right. Cut it. “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth inside of the ring with a serious expression on his face. PRL adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. He brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN Cuban Wall… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Cuban Wall stares at Tha Puerto Rican with a cocky smirk on his face at Sofa Central. THA PUERTO RICAN Let’s cut the crap, Wall. I’ve known you for a long time, and you and I BOTH know that you are not out here to have a front row seat! COLE He’s right, you know. COACH Shush. THA PUERTO RICAN And it’s nice to see that they make PRL T-shirts in Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-SWEET CREAM ON AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH YOU’RE A FAT BASTARD-Large! The crowd cheers. Cuban Wall just stares at Tha Puerto Rican. COACH Hey. THA PUERTO RICAN There is clearly an ulterior motive for you being out here, so spit it out! What exactly brings you out here right here tonight in Indianapolis, Indiana. (CHEAP POP~!) Cuban Wall chuckles. COACH Well, tell PRL what’s on your mind, Wall! CUBAN WALL You bet your ass I will. Cuban Wall removes his headset and places it down on the top of the announce table. He then grabs a microphone that is placed near by. CUBAN WALL Heh, heh, heh. PRL, I can’t believe that you STILL haven’t gotten it! What more do I have to do!? Weren’t the asskickings that I gave you last week AND the week before that enough of a message to you? I guess not. Well, P.R., to put it quite simply: for almost three months now, you have been walking around with stolen property. That’s right. I’m talking about the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. The belt that SHOULD belong to me! COLE What? WALL (CONT’D) I won the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match, and as we all know, the winner of the Lethal Rumble Match goes on to OAOAST AngleMania to face the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in the main event. And for some reason, that DIDN’T happen this year! Oh no, instead, you went ahead, you STOLE my Title shot away from me IN A MATCH THAT I WASN’T EVEN INVOLVED IN, and then you took your stolen Title shot all the way to OAOAST AngleMania VII where you defeated Stephen Joseph Popick to win your first World Heavyweight Title! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE It’s true. Cuban Wall is just stating the facts! WALL EVERYTHING that has happened to you over the past three months SHOULD have happened TO ME! *I* should have been in the main event of OAOAST AngleMania VII! *I* should have won my first World Heavyweight Title! *I* should have had a celebration with all of my friends while confetti and balloons fell from the sky! THAT SHOULD HAVE ALL BEEN ME! But you, being the same selfish little BASTARD that you always were and always will be, you decided that someone else couldn’t have the spotlight! You decided that someone else’s time shouldn’t have come! No, it had to be YOU! It HAD to be YOU! Because the world revolves around Tha Puerto Rican! As a matter of fact, the whole universe revolves around Tha Puerto Rican because he’s just that awesome! *Cough* NOT! COACH It’s true. Cuban Wall is just stating the facts! COLE Oh come on. PRL won that Ultimate X Match against Spanish Fly fair and sqaure. COACH I would like to see videotape of that match again. COLE Oh please. CUBAN WALL Well, P.R., old buddy, old pal, what goes around, comes around. Karma has bitten you on your ass. In the form of me, Cuban Wall, kicking your ass all over this country! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” CUBAN WALL I have showed the world that I am the better wrestler, the better MAN PERIOD! And because of that, I feel like I should get a reward. Like that OAOAST World Heavyweight Title you’re holding right now. PRL Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa! Hold on there! So, this is all about me supposedly ’stealing’ your Title shot back in February!? Really!? Oh man, that’s just RIDICOLOUS, man! I won the Ultimate X Match, I got the Title shot, I won it, that’s it. No arguments. You agreed to the stipulations. You have no reason to complain. You put up your Title shot on the line. It’s your lost. Sorry. Buh-bye. Move on and get over it! CUBAN WALL The Title shot never should have been put up for grabs in the first place! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE LETHAL RUMBLE WINNER AUTOMATICALLY GOES TO ANGLEMANIA TO FIGHT FOR THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! PRL Except for in 2003 and 2004. CUBAN WALL SHUT UP! The point is, *I* won WITHIN THE RULES. And the rules stated that I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A TITLE SHOT AS A PRIZE! AND I DIDN’T. PRL Excuse me while I play the world’s smallest violin. CUBAN WALL STOP WITH THE JOKES, P.R.! PRL Nah, they’re fun! WALL Fun? Well, it won’t be too much fun after I finish getting through with you! You want to have fun? Well, how about we have a match between you and I for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship? How much fun would that be? PRL Hmmm. Not something that I normally like to do, but what the hey! I’ll try anything once! CUBAN WALL All right then. How does a match at The Great Angle Bash sound? PRL Wow. And I needed an opponent for The Great Angle Bash too! Sweet! Now I have one! You got it! CUBAN WALL Okay then. And just so that there aren’t any excuses WHEN I beat you, let’s make our match special. Let’s make it…a NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH! No disqualifications, no countouts, no stopping the match for excessive blood loss. No NOTHING! Just you and I fighting each other and the first man to score a pinfall OR a submission wins the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! How does THAT all sound to you!? THA PUERTO RICAN I don’t even have to think about it, Wall. I ACCEPT! The crowd cheers. COLE Whoa! How about that? Our main event for The Great Angle Bash has just been announced! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Cuban Wall in a No Holds Barred Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! COACH Finally, justice will be served! At long last! THA PUERTO RICAN But hey, hey, hey, why don’t we give these people a little preview of The Great Angle Bash? Huh? How about it? Why don’t we show these people what they can expect at The Great Angle Bash? What do you say, Wall? The crowd cheers again. Cuban Wall chuckles. He has a cocky smirk on his face. COACH No! Don’t do it, Wall! Save yourself for The Great Angle Bash! COLE I wanna see a preview of what’s to come at The Great Angle Bash! Come on Wall! Get into the ring! COACH Don’t listen to Michael! He crazy! DON’T GO IN THERE! The crowd eggs Cuban Wall on. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd. He then looks at Cole and Coach. Finally, Wall looks at Tha Puerto Rican, who is motioning for Wall to “JUST BRING IT!” Wall chuckles again. WALL Well… Cuban Wall puts down his microphone on top of the announce table. He then removes his sunglasses and puts them down on top of the announce table. He then removes his gold chains and hands them to Coach. WALL Watch them. COACH Yes sir! The crowd is growing antsy. Cuban Wall slowly steps out from Sofa Central and walks around ringside. A HUGE “P.R.!” chant starts up. Tha Puerto Rican eyes Wall with a look of RAGE on his face. Wall laughs at PRL and then climbs up the ring steps. He talks trash to PRL as he climbs up the ring steps. COACH Here we go! This should be great! COLE A special preview of The Great Angle Bash main event starts-- Cuban Wall gets on the ring apron. He is still talking trash to PRL…when PRL rushes forward and punches Cuban Wall in the face! COLE --now! PRL punches Wall several times, but the punches have no effect on the big man! Cuban Wall enters the ring over the top ring rope and starts punching PRL himself! Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall engage in a slugfest in the ring while the crowd goes wild! COLE Cuban Wall and Tha Puerto Rican duking it out 2 weeks before The Great Angle Bash! COACH Get ‘im, Wall! Get ‘im! COLE Could PRL be thinking about the Lethal Rumble Match? Could he be thinking about when Cuban Wall eliminated him to get the $1 million bounty on his head? COACH Who cares? KICK HIS ASS, WALL! Back and forth the two former allies go. However, soon Cuban Wall starts gaining the advantage! He starts punching PRL repeatedly in the face weakening the already weakened World Champion! COLE The fatigue is setting in! The fatigue from competing just a few minutes before! It’s affecting him! COACH If he was a REAL Champion, he would be able to fight even when fatigued! PRL is unable to get anymore punches in on Wall, but Wall is able to punch PRL as often as he wants to! The crowd boos loudly! Cuban Wall knees PR in the stomach, and then hits him with CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. COLE And Tha Puerto Rican just can’t fight back! He’s too tired! COACH If he can’t fight back now, what are his chances at The Great Angle Bash? In a No Holds Barred match? COLE Well, if this is any indication…we may have a new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in two weeks! COACH Thank goodness! Cuban Wall clubs PRL in the back of the neck a few more times. He then shoves PRL aside…and then grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt off of the mat. Wall readies himself…and then charges forward… COLE Oh no. …Cuban Wall hits Tha Puerto Rican right in the face with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt! Tha Puerto Rican turns inside out before dropping onto the mat! The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall laughs manically. COACH YES! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Tha Puerto Rican has been laid out by Cuban Wall! Again! COACH He’s doomed at The Great Angle Bash! Straight up DOOMED, yo! Cuban Wall continues laughing manically. Wall taunts the fans. COLE Cuban Wall has left a message for Tha Puerto Rican here tonight! COACH And that message is: that belt is MINE in 10 days time! I SO cannot wait for the start of the Cuban Wall Era here in the OAOAST! It is LONG overdue! Cuban Wall raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air. The crowd boos louder than before. Wall parades around the ring holding the belt with Tha Puerto Rican’s name on the nameplate while Tha Puerto Rican lies on the mat spread-eagle, knocked unconscious. COLE Is this a look into the future? Is Cuban Wall the next OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? COACH Yes! Yes! Oh Hell Yes! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Cuban Wall looks at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with a serious expression on his face. He then chuckles. Cuban Wall drops the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt onto Tha Puerto Rican’s face. CUBAN WALL 10 more days, buddy! Cuban Wall laughs manically admist a LOUD chorus of boos. He continues laughing as he exits the ring over the top ring rope. Wall starts walking up the entrance ramp, making sure to not touch any of the fans as he does so. Tha Puerto Rican is still unconscious on the mat, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying on top of his face. COLE Cuban Wall has laid out Tha Puerto Rican for the third week in a row. This does not speak well for Tha Puerto Rican’s chances in the No Holds Barred Match at The Great Angle Bash! What a Great Angle Bash this year’s show is going to be! Be sure to tune in on Sunday June 29th at 8:00 p.m. EST/5:00 p.m. PST to witness The Great Angle Bash 2008 featuring WarGames! AND the No Holds Barred Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship between the Champion Tha Puerto Rican and the challenger Cuban Wall plus MUCH more! But there’s still one more HeldDOWN~! left before The Great Angle Bash! So tune in next Thursday night at 8:00 p.m. EST/5:00 p.m. PST for the last OAOAST HeldDOWN~! before The Great Angle Bash! For Jonathan “Da Coach” Coachman, I’m Michael Cole saying so long from Indianapolis! And we will see you next week in Des Moines! Goodnight everybody! Cuban Wall continues walking up the entrance ramp with a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall chuckles, and then goes back to having a cocky smirk on his face as he nears the entrance doors. Tha Puerto Rican is still lying on the mat spread-eagle and unconscious, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying on top of his face. The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican’s OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt-covered face while the crowd continues booing loudly. This is the last image that we see before we fade to black and end this week’s edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. FADE TO BLACK

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Millions world wide settle into their favorite TV watching spot and bob their heads to triumphant anthem of Ultimate Victory (soon to change I promise you!) while the sleek and excellently produced introduction video dazzles them with breath taking stunts and cool closeups of their favorite stars. After the video finishes we see the logo, And into the arena we go, where Double C is stationed behind the plush confines of sofa central COLE Indiana is on fire for OAOAST HeldDOWN! Folks, welcome to this week's edition of the hottest program in sports entertainment. And let's kick things off right! Right meaning no craziness from you, Coach! COACH Yo word up the Coach was, is and always going to be a MOVEMENT other thongs, tongue ring rockin trannys like you so weak that they will hang with anybody - THE COACH only select WARRIORS that spews ETHER. You gots to earn yo rep to be next to COACH, and all you earned was getting ya teeth slapped out! The Wall by Kansas hits, and the crowd in Indianapolis roars upon hearing the music. COLE The Deadly Alliance music plays here at Conseco Fieldhouse, and listen to the crowd! Alfdogg leads his stable through the curtains, as the cheers intensify. COACH Big following for the Deadly Alliance in Alf's home state! The DA walks slowly down the aisle, and Alf stops at the end of the aisleway to soak in the cheers for a few seconds, as TK and Reject pose on the buckles with their newly-won tag team titles. Sandman stands in mid-ring, looking menacing. Alf climbs into the ring, and grabs a mic from the timekeeper. He raises it to speak, then brings it back down to soak in some more cheers. COACH Listen to this place, Cole! After a few moments of cheering, the crowd breaks into a chant. "LET'S GET DEAD-LY!" *clap-clap clap-clap-clap* "LET'S GET DEAD-LY!" *clap-clap clap-clap-clap* Alf lets the chant die down, then brings the mic back up. ALF Just as I thought...Indianapolis is DEFINITELY a Deadly Alliance town! *crowd cheers* ALF And the OAOAST better get used to it, because the Deadly Alliance is once again the hottest act in wrestling! *crowd cheers* ALF Sandman9000, the Heartland champion for nine months and counting! Thunderkid and Reject, the NEW World tag team champions! And it's just a matter of time, PRL, before I get you in this ring, and sit on top of the OAOAST world once again! You can't duck me forever! *mixed reaction from the crowd* ALF But speaking of the new World tag team champions...that's one of the reasons I'm out here tonight. The Deadly Alliance is issuing an open challenge, to any team who wants a crack at the tag team champions, at the Great Angle Bash! *crowd cheers* ALF It's just ten days away, boys, so we hope to hear from you soon! But tonight, we've got the party room ready in the back, the champagne, the party favors...and we're gonna celebrate Thunderkid and Reject's triumph, right here in Indianapolis! The Wall hits, as the crowd cheers. COACH (yelling towards the ring) HEY, SAVE ME SOME BUBBLY! Alf sees Coach as he exits the ring and points at him, acknowledging his request. COACH Yeeeeeeeah boy, I'm gettin' drunk tonight! COLE Well, Alf has laid out an open challenge for the Great Angle Bash on behalf of the tag team champions, and has once again sent notice to Tha Puerto Rican! COACH It's gotta happen eventually, Cole, Alf leading the Deadly Alliance from atop the OAOAST throne as it's champion! COLE Only time will tell! Right now, let's go to commercial! We have more exciting action coming up! LATER TONIGHT ZACK MALIBU Vs FAQU TONIGHT!

COLE Well, folks we're back on HD, and I don't know what's coming up frankly. There was a video tape dropped off here at sofa central during break unlabeled and I'm being told by the actual TSM network that we have no choice but to play it. And I have to say I'm offended but I'm also kind of curious. So, roll footage We see Simon Singleton, looking unusually low key and formal in grey suit, inside a production truck. Behind him on the numerous screens a montage plays of a small, peaceful, but rather generic suburb. SIMON White Marsh township, New York. A luxurious, sprawling suburb, who's citizens are as friendly as the town is beautiful. A community with big city promise, and small town heart. It could be Anytown, USA. With its lush soccer fields, pot luck dinners at the park, youngsters trying to keep up with the bigger kids in pickup basketball, and bible study every Wednesday, its the model piece of Americana. At first glance it could be your hometown. But beneath the summer time cheer of little kids, and the vibrant pumping of the American heart is an evil all of its own. An evil we commonly associate with the poor disfranchised urban hells. This evil is perversion, and it comes in the form of the pervert. There could be a pervert sitting right next to you! Ned comes onto the screen and takes a seat next to Simon. NED Sorry, I'm late! Aww hell did I miss the part where we show the girls at the cheerleading camp? GIMMIE A D, GIMMIE AN I, GIMMIE A C, GIMMIE K, what's that spell? Ned gimme yo di- SIMON Not right next to you exactly. Not even next to me...But somewhere in your vicinity a pervert resides. Seriously, not next to me. This sexual predator is waiting and he's willing to corrupt the very foundation of your community. NED (looking entirely crazy eyed) Drag him by his loafers, drag him by his fingernails into the town square, light up that cigar, and put the beats on 'em! Stomp him up and down his face! Up and down! Stomp the black out of him, stomp the white out of him, stomp the mexican out of him, stomp the Asian pacific islander out him! Whatever you do just stomp him till ya see bloody red! Then take his sorry carcass and chuck it on the next predator's door step. Because when that son of a bitch comes out the front door every morning he don't think “I'm gonna make me a song about being trapped in a closet at the home of the woman I'm having an affair with. And then I'm gonna remix touch my body with Mariah Carey. And then I'm gonna piss on a thirteen year old bitch and videotape it.” But if the predator really is R.Kelly... SIMON Skeet, skeet, like a water hose on the entire audience of TRL all you'd like, my friend. Because you've got us steppin in the name of love from now until forever. But what if that sexual deviant isn't one America's favorite R&B artists? What if he's a man you've invested trust in? Trust for your financial welfare, trust for the security of your family? What if that man was your boss? We intend to find out, tonight on With Mackenzie DeCenzo Editing and Cinematography by Molly Nerdly Directed by Simon Singleton Produced by Theodore Moneymaker MACKENZIE (V.O.) Nestled among the elementary school and methadone clinic, we found a large house, previously boarded up after a drug riddled man killed his family of four and himself, just the right size for our crew, specialty cameras, and my two thousand dollar per year personal hair maintenance crew. It was outside of Long Island where we teamed up with Pervert-Busters.com, an online watch dog group that skirts the rules of civil liberties, well established laws against entrapment, and the historic “DON'T SNITCH!” movement to catch Internet sex predators and blog angrily about them behind the protection of a monitor. We hired the organization as consultants so we could watch them do what they normally do— go into otherwise innocent chatrooms, Hannah Montana Rox, Lets goYankees, Yogaloversover50, SMEAR ME IN PEROID BLOOD, and expose perverts by posing as prostitutes home alone interested in having sex for a nominal fee. So while Pervert Busters decoys troll chat rooms and wrestling message boards, dens of perversion, our crews set up 11 hidden cameras—seven outside covering all angles of the driveway, side, and back of the house and four cameras on the inside. Mackenzie DeCenzo, clad in a nondescript beige business suit that does not match her bold and buoyant blond locks stands inside the kitchen area of small two story home. In front of her sits a stack of several papers marked “chat transcripts”. MACKENZIE One man emerges from the shadows. He’s 40-year-old Matthew “Angle” Sault, president of the sports entertainment company OAOAST. Leading phrenology expert, Mackenzie DeCenzo, said that is head shape is such that its guaranteed he's predisposed to and has already committed crimes against fashion, human decency, and common sense. He’s been chatting online about sex with a prostitute who said she was 18. When she says she’s worried she’ll get pregnant he says “I am fixed.” We should warn you, that some of his chat logs may shake your faith in humanity. We see security camera footage of Anglesault (the actual dude not a fake), attired in khaki shorts and a plain red t-shirt walking up the front steps with a ginger bounce to his steps. MACKENZIE Mister Sault, pulled up to our house from Manhattan. He drove more than two hours through traffic to meet with someone who said she was an eighteen year old prostitute home alone. It’s five o'clock in the evening. Like all the other men who visit, of which there are...none, he has no idea our hidden cameras are rolling... Anglesault saunts the house with a wide cokcy grin. He proceeds to the kitchen area like he's on a sexual treasure hunt. ANGLESAULT Baby! Daddy's home. BLUEEYEDHOOCHIE (O.S) Uh, just a minute! Gotta flush this condom from my last John down the toilet. ANGLESAULT I bought my zippo! MACKENZIE (walking on screen) You're definitely playing with fire aren't you. Anglesault is noticeably stunned, and his posture weakens as he tries to come to grips with what he's walked into. ANGLESAULT I...what? MACKENZIE Why don’t you have a seat right over here for me? ANGLESAULT What...what...the hell... MACKENZIE Is an Olympic sized dick? For the sake of me vomiting, please answer? 5 inches? 4.6? Perhaps your adding the length of the “marital aid” she'd need to be satisfied during intercourse? ANGLESAULT I don't...I have no clue what you're talking about, Mackenzie. MACKENZIE Let me refresh your memory, JETERISGOD. When she asks “Are you that guy that won that gold medal” You respond “Yeah, bitch, I won that medal smashin' the sludge out girls like you with my DOD, dick of death” ANGLESAULT We were in a role playing chat room! MACKENZIE And what role were you playing exactly here? ANGLESAULT It’s people playing roles, Mackenzie. Role playing! Like when Melody plays World of Warcraft. That's all. World of Warcraft. Come on! MACKENZIE Does Melody pony up 2,000 gold pieces to solicit an orc for oral sex during conference calls with the chairwoman for the breast cancer survivor fund? ANGLESAULT People just talk. My God! They talk! Is this some kind of hold up? You don't have a warrant. ‘Cause, I mean, if the girl don’t want to come, and if you got a problem— MACKENZIE A warrant? What are we on Special Victims unit. ANGLESAULT I’m saying, Mackenzie. You don’t got no cause to hold me. I'm your boss! I got—don't have any problem sitting here to talk to you. This----is consensual sex. Sex between two consenting adults, Mackenzie, two consenting adults, no matter how lewd it looks on your doctored up transcripts is not a crime! Its not! MACKENZIE How every true. But as the Governor of this fine state could inform you the law does frown on solicitation. ANGLESAULT You can't prove anything. Its my word against your's. MACKENZIE And eleven cameras. The fear, the panic, rip through Anglesault like bullets, buckling his knees, forcing him to latch onto the counter in small hope that it will support him. ANGLESAULT What? No. You're bluffing. MACKENZIE Would you say I was bluffing if I told you this entire experience will be broadcasted on HeldDOWN for the entire viewing world, and most importantly, your humiliated, disgusted, and degraded bosses to see? Anglesault's vision swims and with it so does camera, jumbling the image of the sunlight beaming through the window to hit Mackenzie's golden hair and her white outfit. This all makes her seem some sort of horrible angel of death. ANGLESAULT Bullshit! Bullshit! As the true nature of his fate weighs him down so does Anglesault sink lower and lower, and we view Mackenzie from the ground up, as though she were casting a final judgment. There the innocent yet blusey rhythms of the Rolling Stone's Gimme Shelter plays to lend a sense of an impending anguish. MACKENZIE What would you say if I told there was a legion of armed law enforcement with the right, and the desire, to bring you down by any means necessary? We see Anglesault in his weakest state yet, hands pressed against the counter top, the only thing keeping him up. ANGLESAULT (to himself) No... Mackenzie draws closer and closer for the kill. Shown from the profile where the sunlight hits her she sneers with contempt and scorn at the OAOAST president. Before she speaks we see her from the front, where half her face is cloaked in shadow. MACKENIZE I'd say you better have a pretty good lawyer. Hope is at an end for Anglesault, but the pressing urge to flee flames stronger than ever before. Suddenly the need for escape becomes perilously strong with the sound of the front door swinging open, and the rough patter of police boots bounding across the foyer. Anglesault turns one last glance on Mackenzie that's half a damnation and half a despairing plea for help. Mackenzie replies with a small, but cruel smirk, that grows wider when the blackness of law enforcement officers engulfs her surroundings. LEAD OFFICER You have the right to remain silent... Silent is the furtherest characteristic one could use to describe the current situation, as chaos, both auditory and visual is brought to the forefront when Anglesault launches himself through the wide kitchen window in a daring escape effort. As we switch to an outside image, the view slows ever so slightly to showcase the humiliated boss hovering through a downpour of glass that sparkles with from kiss of the sunlight. Two hundred forty five pounds of muscle crash into the ground at regular speed with the force of nuclear bomb, and a fallout of tiny glass shards soon follows. Oh, a storm is threatening My very life today If I don't get some shelter Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away War, children, its just a shot away Its just a shot away War, children, its just a shot away Its just a shot away Dizzied, Anglesault staggers to his feet, covered with glass, dirt and small cuts as if he'd been dragged through the streets. His injuries and discomfort are but minor issues when compared to the troubling image of cops rumbling around the corner of the house. Without even lending a thought to surrendering himself, Sault takes off in the opposite direction. The cops don't break their pace in following him, acting as an unshakable tail. MACKENZIE (leaning through the window) Run forest! Run! Ooh, see the fire is sweepin Our very street today Burns like a red coal carpet Mad bull lost its way War, children, its just a shot away Its just a shot away War, children, its just a shot away Its just a shot away The eyes of mystified residents lock onto the macabre parade of a sex offender being hounded by dozens of police. Kids drop basketballs that roll aimlessly away, women stop gossiping, men cease mowing, and they all focus on Anglesault. Yet their stares mean nothing to Anglesault with death itself nipping at his heels. The focus on AS is sharpened, while the surrounding area and his pursuers are lowered into soft focus to make it appear that he's running from his own fantastic demons. The music lowers and we see the mysterious sight of the back of a pitch black Dodge Charger with the New York license plate “STFU THX” that driving down a neighborhood untouched by this mania. The music explodes back to full force with Anglesault's insane chase still holding hostage the entire street. AS is shown from a medium close up, but he may not be the focus of the scene as the vibrant and striking blue and red lights police cars pull into the far away background. As AS's expression grows more fearful the size and strength of the flashing lights grow as well. Rape, murder! Its just a shot away Its just a shot away Rape, murder! Its just a shot away Its just a shot away Rape, murder! Its just a shot away Its just a shot away Again we see the Dodge Charger innocently humming its way down a street that's eerie in its emptiness. Elsewhere, desperation causes AS to take a sharp right turn through a nearby front lawn. He leaps a picket fence with the grace of an Olympic hurdler. And while that may hinder the cop cars, its but a small obstacle for the cops who are joined by a very angry German Sheppard in their chase. Amazingly the dog pulls closer to AS than the humans could ever dream to, and his teeth flash the anger and rage of every single soul behind him. Eager to get away from the beast that wishes to mangle him, Anglesault dashes towards the edge of the yard and begins scurrying up the fence. However, he's woefully slow and this permits the dog to sink his fangs into AS' thick calf muscle. ANGLESAULT AHHHHHHHH! Meanwhile the Charger continues down its path, oblivious to what's happening mere miles away. Despite missing a chunk of flesh in his leg, AS painfully scrambles over the fence. He lands a bloody and broken heap, but there's no time to lick wounds, as another dog fast approaches to add to his misery. Spurred on by sheer fear of this carnivorous creature, AS springs to his feet. He sprints across the lawn dodging various children's toys, lawn furniture to get towards the light at the end of his tunnel. Unfortunately that light is snuffed out by another series of cops that emerge on the opposite side of the yard. COP YOU GOT NO WHERE TO GO, ASSHOLE! The Dodge Charger continues to lazily motor along the road, and we still have no clue who or what is behind the wheel. What we do know is that AS is in trouble. A lot of trouble. Trouble he intends on solving by passing it onto the cops. And he quickly ducks behind a toolshed. AS has no intention of taking a breather, though, and instead grabs onto two nearby Hornets nests. The Hornets are every bit as vicious and violent as his human aggressors, but at the very least they serve him some purpose. He launches them away from the task of stinging his body and towards the task of stinging and distracting the cops. As if that weren't enough, AS turns on a state of the art sprinkler system that makes the entire area look like its going through a monsoon. However three cops manage to break through his creative assault. Their no match for the burly world champion, who KO'S them with rapid fire punches. With a swarm of hornets fogging their vision, and the worried shouts of people who have come from their homes clouding communication, AS makes a quick exit over the rear fence and into a back alley. COP 2 GET BACK HERE! The floods is threatening My very life today Gimme, gimme shelter Or Im gonna fade away The floods is threatening My very life today Gimme, gimme shelter Or Im gonna fade away The Charger continues its oddly lonely drive. Meanwhile AS frantically rushes down the alleyway kicking up an unbelievably large cloud of dust and dirt behind him, that could very well be the symbol of him leaving his old world behind. But he never looks back as he treks down the vacant stretch of land. Finally he reaches its an end, coming to a quiet, serene street untouched by his hellish ordeal. He can now collect some small sense of peace and some small sense of dignified solicitude. BAAAAAAM The Charger slams into AS with the force of a herd of elephants, and yet spins to a stop as perfect and precise as an Olympic figure skater. AS is neither that fortune, nor that able to control his movements, and he tumbles through the air before thudding down into pavement that shreds his skin into ribbons. Combined with earlier incidents with the glass, and the savage attack with the dogs, this near vehicular homicide is the nail in AS' coffin, reducing his body to an indistinguishable wreck. Even so AS remains determined to pursue an utterly hopeless bid for freedom, and with bloodied body and tear streaked face he begins a slow crawl across the street. The music comes to a close. We see the Charger's driver side door from the ground up as it swings open and a pair of white leather shoes steps onto the concrete. The brightly colored flickering orange of a cigarette ash falls to the ground, only to be put out by one of the white shoes. The camera slowly pans up to reveal... (Detective Bosley for the uninitiated) BOSLEY You don't look too good, boss. ANGLESAULT Bos...Bos...Bos... Exhausted, Anglesault can not talk and crawl at the same time, and so silently continues his pathetic crawl towards a freedom that exists only in fantasies. BOSLEY You remember a while back when I asked ya for a raise, and you said if I want big money, I gotta do big money things? You remember that? And I said “I can't support myself on the crap you're payin' me.” And you, you say “Not my fault. Look for a second job then”. I took yer advice. I took it and I found myself a second job. We see a low shot of Anglesault whimpering as brilliant gobs of red fall in front of his face. Bosley stalks him like a dangerous animal thats toying with a near dead prey. BOSLEY Got a second job selling personal protection devices to police forces in the Tri State area. Ya mind if I try out my sales pitch on you? I need some constructive criticism. The sun has begun to set, and its a beautiful, majestic sunset, like something out of a painting. And I shouldn't have to tell you what a sunset can symbolize. That's 1st grade people! Bosley pulls what looks to be a gun out of his coat. BOSLEY This is the new Advanced Taser Mark M-18 series. Tops in its class it has a 100% effectiveness rating. One shot... BANG ANGLESAULT AHHHHH! BOSLEY With a 225,000-volt shock dumps energy into the muscles at a high pulse frequency, enough to cause such intense agony and muscle spasms that a second shot... BANG ANGLESAULT AHHHHH! BOSLEY Would make the muscle spasms so violent and so agonizingly prolonged the victim might very well break their back in two. A third shot...the electrical current is so powerful the victim often shits, pisses, and vomits blood and drool. The body turns bright red as its temperature rises, and the victim's flesh swells and his skin stretches to the point of breaking. Witnesses hear a loud and sustained sound "like bacon frying," and the sickly sweet smell of burning flesh, your burning flesh, fills the air. Anglesault, rocking with the volcanic tremors from Bosley's attack is stilled slightly, when the Detective steps on his back. He lights another cigarette, then holds the gun towards AS, the embers from his smoke flaming and flaring as bright and powerfully as the sunset behind him. BOSLEY (smirking) So, Anglesault, do you wanna die? WHIR WHIR WHIR WHIR! An army of cop cars pulls into the vicinity, before Bosley can inflict anymore harm to AS. But the leader is no vehicle belonging to law enforcement, rather its a supersized black Hummer limousine embossed with golden dollar signs that glitter with authority bellow the orange sky. Every door of the limo opens, and out steps the entire Enterprise, along with The Heavenly Rockers, The Last Kings of Scotland, Felix Stutter and Reggie Lamont, James Riggs, Biff Atlas, Vinny Valentine, and The MGHWC. Its a big limo ppl. Leading the way, even before the cops, is the brainchild of this operation, Theodore Moneymaker. Clad entirely in black, flanked by Abdullah and Mackenzie, and trailed by his legion of allies and henchmen, Moneymaker looks something like a modern day Darth Vader. And the emperor of the dark side stands above the fallen hero, regarding him with disdain. The rouge cop, Bosley, falls in line with the rest of the group, receiving a congratulatory fist pound from CPA for his work. Barely able to see past pain that's both physical and emotional AS looks wide eyed, weak and defeated at Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER Do I applaud the swift and efficient efforts of law enforcement? Do I salute my lieutenants for their flawless work? I will do neither! I will scoff at this man who was supposed to be my enemy. You are no foe to me. Leon Rodez, Krista Isadora Duncan, these are people I am proud to call rivals. They fight with a warrior's spirit! This man before me? He fights not at all, and it is a shame I've wasted even a second of my time associating with him! You are pathetic, and I will spend no more words on you.Do not pray for him, Abdullah, god left him long ago. Officers, remove him from my sight. Two cops emerge to grab AS by his arms, encountering absolutely no resistance from the broken man. The former OAOAST world champion and the federation's namesake is drug away as if he held all the prestige and importance of a vagabond found lying in his own piss. Sadly, he may have even less! MONEYMAKER (turning to his gathered supporters) Friends, I turn to you, and I humbly offer...victory! A rousing ovation emerges from the group, who hail Moneymaker as a liberator of an oppressed people, and he certainly soaks in their joy and adulation as if he were one. I tell you love, sister, its just a kiss away Its just a kiss away Its just a kiss away Its just a kiss away Its just a kiss away Kiss away, kiss away COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT ANGLESAULT IS DOWN! IS THE CHAMP NEXT? CHRISTIAN WRIGHT VS PRL NEXT

plz enjoi the following picture of the war memorial built in 1923 in attempts by the city of Indianapolis in 1919 to lure the newly formed American Legion from its national headquarters in New York City. COLE Folks, welcome back to HeldDOWN. Let's take it backstage to Maggie Nerdly! Maggie Nerdly negotiates her way through the bodies in the party room backstage, looking for Thunderkid and Reject. MAGGIE Thanks Michael, I'm backstage amongst the celebration here, looking to get the first interview with Thunderkid and Reject since winning the World tag team titles last week from Team Heyross! Maggie bumps into a slightly rotund man, who turns around revealing himself to be Tony Tourettes. TONY WHAT THE FUCK??? MAGGIE Hi, Tony! How's the party? TONY Well, the food's good, and it SUCKS DICK OFF YOUR TITS!!! Maggie hastily points the camera away from Tony. TONY FUCK YOU TOO!!! BULL SHIT!!! (Looks to Vinny) GIVE ME A FUCKIN' BEER, BITCH!!! Maggie spots TK in the distance, and makes her way with the cameraman in his direction. Reject is standing next to him with a bottle of champagne. MAGGIE And here I am with the new tag team champions, Thunderkid and Reject! Vinny grabs the mic from Maggie. VINNY (doing a horrible Dave Chappelle-as-Rick James impression) It's a celebration, bitches! Reject gives him an awkward stare. REJECT You're right! This is a celebration! And I'm glad to see you back here for the celebration, honey. Reject leans against the wall with his right arm. REJECT Speaking of celebration...how about me and you go out and have one of our own after this show wraps up? MAGGIE Um, hello, I have a boyfriend? Reject chuckles, then hands his champagne to TK, and turns to face Maggie. REJECT Do you really? It wouldn't be that scrawny wimp that's been hittin' on your sister for the past two months, would it? Maggie puts her hand over her face, as wrestlers within earshot, including the Heavenly Rockers and Vitamin X, are heard saying "Oooooh." REJECT (smiling) So it is him. Hey, look at me. Reject uses his left index finger to bring Maggie's face up. REJECT You don't need that chump. What are you doing? If I even suspected a family member meddling in my relationship, that girl would be out the door at the drop of a hat. I mean, use your head. If this dude's so tied up with what your sister's doing that it's causing a strain on you, he ain't that special! He's gotta go. Think about it. And hey... Reject brings her face back around again. REJECT You have any more problems...(smiles, points to self)...my door's always open. Reject grabs his bottle of champagne back from Thunderkid, then turns back to the party as he gets a champagne bath from VX. The camera cuts over to Maggie, who puts her hand over the lens as we hastily cut back to Sofa Central. COACH Haha, get Steven Pigley off the air, he's got nothing on Reject! He's right! Do yourself a favor, Mags, drop that zero, and get wit' a hero, you feel me? COLE The only woman on this earth who would think Reject is a better catch than Leon is Reject's mother. Other than that, Reject better try barking up the next tree. We'll be back! COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... THE GEEK SQUAD-You didn't want your computer to work anyway! As we come back from break we're shown a panormaic view of the Indy skyline, and I don't know what song is playing because those assholes at best buy did a number on my computer's sound card. The backstage locker is where we lay our scene, where Rico and Soul, minus their costumes, still trade high fives over their earlier bit of trickery. In the corner Biff huddles with a cross pressed against his chest uttering hail marys. Adding to the joyful mood of the MGHWC, is Vinny Valentine who bursts into the room cradling four strawberry daiquiris. VINNY (handing drinks out) Get down with the get down! I'm fellin fresh, I'm fellin funky! BIFF Oh no! If you're feeling funky, go get my medicine bag! The combination to the lock is 62 54 12 90. I want you to get some Tums, which greatly alleviates stomach acid. And I don't advocate abusing drugs, but the red ones are heaven! The Wrecking Crew shoot Biff a confused and somewhat annoyed stare, which forces Vinny to redirect their attention back to him. VINNY Guys, guys, you were magic like a johnson! Bang, bam, boom, we're makin moves! Our afterparty is in the hottest club on the strip, Club Valentine, and D*LUX's after party is at the hospital. I love it! And I love you both. Puttin the beating on D*LUX gave Krista the skinny on the deal! We're looo-king gooood like Chico and The Man, and we ain't gonna be humiliated no more! That bunny is buggin out if she thinks she can keep on insulting us and puttin us down after what she just saw happen to her sappho-daddios! Yeah! RICO Hey, mang, you got not idea how much me and Soul are lovin this. Finally we got someone to take a stand against her. We been takin crap from Krista from day one. That don't work for Rico and that don't work for Soul. She got Rico up on the ring apron singing disco songs...not that disco ain't uh good music...she submitted my man with a haircut, she got people thinking he on crack, she destroyed his welfare check, he got kicked out his section 8 housing, is craziness, mang. Is craziness. And she do it to everybody round here, and they take it, but we won't. And if she think she can... VINNY Bummer for her, because we're gonna strike the killing blow at G-A-B! Biff pops up from his seat in dismay. BIFF What? WHAT? VINNY Yeah, all of us hip cats versus the mayors of squaresville D*LUX and that queen bitch Krista! Gimmie some skin, baby, cuz we gonna get funkadelic in two weeks time! Baby, this is it! This is the end of the jokes and insults, and start of us being DA MAN~! No comedy routine is gonna save her and square-lux from my boogie shoes! BIFF No! No! Terrible! Terrible! Terrible idea! Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you? God, do you? VINNY Mellow out, Biffy, what's wrong with you? This is grrrrreat like frosted flakes! BIFF Nothing is wrong with me! I'm perfectly sane! I'm the only sane one around! I'm trapped in a room with the clinically INSANE! That's what wrong! LUCIUS You god damn sewer jewer. You said you were down fo the cause! BIFF Well, that was before the cause put me within fifty feet of Krista! I don't even watch her fitness videos because I think she secretly sabotaged them so I'd rupture a tendon. LUCIUS It must be daytime in Poland, listen to this pale face fool with his whining and whatnot. You the mothafuckingest mothafucka I done ever met. Maaaaaan, you don't wanna get some get back from Krista? Don't you want yo pride? BIFF Yes, I want my pride. I also want to continue eating, sleeping, watching TV, breathing, things I may not be able to do if Krista is trying to kill me! LUCIUS I ain't trynna hear Count Crunkula's fabrications! I'ma boil that egg head of your's in chicken noodle soup, bogger bear bitch. BIFF Police! Police! VINNY Guys, guys, take a chill pill, and chillax! RICO See what she's doin, mang? VINNY She's got us hatin, when we're supposed to be participatin' in beatin her and suck-lux down. Biffy, baby, you're talkin to a smooth operator, I wouldn't have exercised the trademark Valentine stroke and got this match made if I hadn't been sure it would be out of sight. What's worse? Not dealin with Krista and still running across her every couple weeks and getting yer card pulled, or nippin her in the bud, and livin with a clear mind for the rest of your days? BIFF I don't believe I could nip her in the bud, because she's a lesbian and would not appreciate my advances. LUCIUS You crackerdly mothafucka! The other two can only sigh, and pray that they'll never have to actually tag Biff into the match at GAB. COLE Wow, Vinny Valentine pushing the limits of good luck with he, The Wrecking Crew and Biff Atlas to meet Krista and D*LUX at Great Angle Bash on June 29th only on Pay Per View! COMMERCIAL COLE Fans back on HeldDOWN~!, and coming up later tonight is a match that was SUPPOSED to take place last week, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Tha Puerto Rican vs. Christian Wright one-on-one, in our main event! COACH It was indeed supposed to happen last week, but a certain 6'7" 285 pound big man made sure that we didn't get to see it last week! COLE That's right fans. Shortly before the match was scheduled to start, the OAOAST cameras caught something going on backstage. We haven't been able to show you what happened until now. Let's take a look at what happened last week. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the backstage area with a caption reading "LAST WEEK" in big white blocky letters. The cameraman runs fast to catch CUBAN WALL beating THA PUERTO RICAN! COLE (VOICEOVER) As you can see, Cuban Wall attacked Tha Puerto Rican backstage prior to his match against Christian Wright! COACH (VOICEOVER) He attacked him 2 weeks ago after the Match Of Champions, and he did it again last week! COLE (V.O.) Indeed, Cuban Wall has been targeting Tha Puerto Rican exclusively over the past month or so! COACH (V.O.) Gee, I wonder why? COLE (V.O.) Yeah, I wonder that too, Coach. COACH (V.O.) No, I was being sarcastic. It's because...oh nevermind! You won't get it anyway! Cuban Wall pummels Tha Puerto Rican with right hands! Tha Puerto Rican is bleeding from the mouth! Wall sets PRL up against a wall (HA!), and then proceeds to nail PRL with soupbones all over his body! PRL screams out in pain! Wall finishes with a big right jab to Tha Puerto Rican's face knocking him down! The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lies next to P.R.L. COLE (V.O.) Cuban Wall just showed PRL no mercy last week! COACH (V.O.) I know! It was great! CUBAN WALL You wanna take my dreams away from me, huh? HUH!? Cuban Wall stomps on Tha Puerto Rican a few times! COLE (V.O.) PR bleeding from the mouth! He might have had internal bleeding! COACH (V.O.) Let's hope that he did! Wall chokes PRL with his right foot! CUBAN WALL Come on, Champ! GET UP! Cuban Wall picks the groggy Puerto Rican up. Wall clutches P.R. by his throat and points a menacing finger at him. Wall taunts PRL and then throws him into another wall! Wall then throws PRL into the wall that they were just at! PRL slumps down onto the floor, obviously knocked out! The crowd boos. COLE (V.O.) A beatdown of the highest order! COACH (V.O.) Yeah! Way to go, Wall! CUBAN WALL Consider this a warning! Cuban Wall SPITS on Tha Puerto Rican! He then laughs manically. Cuban Wall sneers at PRL. Cuban Wall turns around and walks away, leaving Tha Puerto Rican knocked out on the floor. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lies next to Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos loudly. The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican knocked out, bleeding from his mouth, breathing hard. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Sofa Central and Double C. Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman is laughing. COLE What's so funny? COACH That was great! I LOVED watching it! Cuban Wall just DEMOLISHED Tha Puerto Rican! He DEMOLISHED the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! I mean, if that doesn't get Cuban Wall a World Title shot, then I don't know what will! COLE Who knows who will be Tha Puerto Rican's next challenger to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship-- COACH Hopefully, Cuban Wall. COLE --but what we DO know is that Tha Puerto Rican WILL face Christian Wright tonight in a NON-TITLE contest in our main event of this week's HeldDOWN~! And who knows if Cuban Wall will make an appearance during THAT match? COACH Cross your fingers that he does, Mikey! COLE No. Commercials We return to HeldDOWN with the image appearing rather grainy and the audio sounding like its coming from behind a padded cell. COLE *wrsktisrrrkt-looking to-prsssktth-* *STATIC* (and no, not Scotty. As in, the feed went out!) COLE Are we good? Coach, can you hear me in the headset? COACH I can hear you right next to me, but yeah, we're good I think! COLE Sorry about the technical difficulties, fans, but they're a thing of the past and just in time. Zack Malibu has just entered the ring to battle the man he lost the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship to two years ago on this very program. A man who once respected him, but has gone through a drastic change since last we saw him. The bell sounds, and like an attack dog set off his leash, Faqu springs into action, delivering a throat thrust that takes Malibu down in the first few seconds of the contest! Zack crawls on all fours, trying to catch his breath, but he's yanked up off the canvas and then tossed against the turnbuckles, where Faqu wraps his hands around Zack's throat, trying to choke him out! Malibu grabs the wrists of the savage Samoan and tries to pry his hands off his throat, but Faqu won't allow it, looking to stop any more precious oxygen from making its way into Zack's body! Finally, as the referee gets to the count of five, the choke is broken, leaving Malibu to try and suck in as much wind as possible before the assault continues. With Zack distracted, Faqu charges into the corner, but at the last second Malibu moves, and the big man collides with the turnbuckles! Immediately, Zack hops up on the second rope and starts hammering Faqu with punches, but punching a Samoan in the head goes as well as you'd think it would, and Malibu is shoved down to the canvas! Zack rolls to his feet and charges the corner again, but Faqu puts his foot up...and Zack catches it! After throwing the leg of the former HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion down to the mat, Zack unloads with a flurry of his trademark open hand strikes, wailing on Faqu before pulling him out of the corner and sending him across the ring...or at least that was the plan, until Faqu reverses! Zack is now headed for the corner, but springs up to the middle rope, then hops over the top and onto the apron, avoiding a charging Faqu who was right behind him! Faqu staggers out of the corner after the collision, and Zack takes him and drops his throat across the top rope, staggering him even more! Zack hops back up on the apron, and with Faqu's back to him, springboards off the top rope with a missle dropkick that sends the big man off-balance, stumbling through the middle ropes and out to the floor! COLE Fast and furious action to get the ball rolling in this one, folks! Seems like Faqu is ready to tear into Zack tonight, but the combination of speed and agility has sent the Samoan to the outside! Faqu slams his hands on the canvas, growling in anger, while Blonde comes over and tries to pacify his savage friend. Blonde cries foul to the referee, but the ref reminds him that there's nothing wrong with a dropkick, and that his ally had better get back in the ring. Faqu climbs back into the ring, staring menacingly at Zack, who simply smiles at his one time friend and waves him on. Faqu charges Zack, but Malibu rolls under the wild swing of the giant islander, popping up to his feet and delivering a hard open hand chop as Faqu turns around! Zack then rocks him with a European uppercut and takes him by the wrist, sending him into the ropes. Malibu tries a hiptoss, but Faqu stays grounded, and swings his arm around with a lariat, but Malibu ducks! Zack segues into a go behind and runs Faqu to the ropes, rolling backwards while again Faqu maintains a standing position. Befuddled, the Samoan turns around to see Zack smiling again, moving from side to side in a playful fashion in an effort to get into the Samoan's head. Faqu comes at him again and the two tie up, with Faqu snaring Zack in a headlock, but getting shoved into the ropes, only to rebound and plow Zack over with a shoulderblock! Zack starts to get up, but Faqu hits the ropes again, sending Zack back down to the canvas so that Faqu has to hop over him. As Faqu comes off the ropes again, Zack springs up and hits a dropkick, sending him into the ropes...but Faqu uses the momentum to bounce back and nail Zack with a hard clothesline just as he gets to his feet! COACH I swear Mikey Cole, Zack's head nearly went flying into the fifth row after that shot! Zack reels from the shot, but he's brought up and shoved into the corner by Faqu, who starts drilling Zack with repeated shoulderblocks to the ribs before sending him across the ring, crashing into the far corner! Zack staggers out of the corner, right into the hands of Faqu, who scoops Zack up and drops him with a bodyslam, then drops to one knee, pinning it between Zack's shoulderblades while cramming his fingers into his mouth, tearing at his skin and pulling his cheeks back! COLE He's trying to rip his face off! COACH Can you blame him? Look at him, and look at Zack. If I looked like that, I'd wanna look like Zack too! Zack moans in pain, while Faqu smiles, as does a pleased James Blonde at ringside. Faqu then yanks back on Zack's head, slamming it into the canvas, then gets up and quickly hits a splash, crushing the former World Champion under his large Samoan frame! ONE! T-NO! Faqu brings Zack up, looking to inflict more punishment now that Zack has decided not to accept defeat. He brings Zack up, but Malibu takes the opportunity to rattle him with a jawbreaker to change the tide! Faqu is shocked by the blow, and Zack opens fire with hard kicks to the left leg of Faqu, trying to take him off balance. Zack goes to deliver another kick, but Faqu catches it...only to have Zack leap up and crack him in the side of the head with an enzugiri! Dazed even further, Faqu hobbles as Zack runs the ropes and comes off with a spinning wheel kick that takes the Samoan Wrecking Ball to the canvas! COLE He brought him down! Zack hops onto the shoulders of Faqu and starts throwing elbows, cracking Faqu across either side of his head as he tries to deflect the assault! Zack follows up with a kneedrop, spiking the point into the temple of his opponent, and then brings him up and sends him into motion, bouncing off the ropes and right into a BIG back bodydrop that shakes the ring! Blonde is having conniptions on the floor as Malibu works on dismantling the rabid animal in the ring with him, rushing up behind him and trying for a German suplex, only to be snapmared to the canvas and drilled with a legdrop from a dazed and angered island beast! Faqu then brings Zack up and pulls him up onto his shoulders for a Samoan drop, but Zack manages to wriggle free and shove Faqu into the ropes, who again utilizes the momentum to drill his bare foot into Zack's pristine preppy face! COLE This is not the same man Zack has fought before, at least not a man with the same mindset. COACH I don't think he even HAS a mindset! Zack rolls over, covering his face and feeling for all of his teeth, while Faqu measures him up. Zack rises, and catches a kick to the ribs that he's unable to block, then gets stuffed into position for a powerbomb. Zack gets pulled into the air, but manages to slide out of the grasp of his opponent and try for an STO, but he gets an elbow to the side of his face for his troubles! Zack backs away, and Faqu tries a thrust kick, but Zack catches his foot and drives the point of his elbow into the Samoan's knee, hobbling him enough so that Zack can repay the favor by delivering an elbow strike of his own to the side of his head! Walking on a bad wheel, Faqu struggles to keep his balance as Zack bounds for the ropes, coming off with his trademark leaping lariat that takes the Samoan off his feet and has him looking up at the lights! Zack heads for the ropes again, but this time Blonde swipes his leg out from under him, causing Zack to faceplant himself into the canvas! COLE There it is...you just KNEW it was coming! The crowd boos loudly as Blonde just keeps pacing around ringside, acting incredulous to the accusations...but payback is a bitch, as Malibu launches himself out of the ring with a pescado that wipes him out! The fans roar as Zack gets up to his feet and jumps up on the apron and starts climbing the ropes...but Blonde is up and hops up on the apron after him, paying no attention to the Metrosexual Monster that has barged down the aisle and yanks him to the floor, triggering a brawl! COACH It's Bo, yo! Bohemoth, living up to his word, comes out and has Zack's back, taking Blonde and whipping him into the security barrier, then following up with a clothesline that dumps him in the first row! Meanwhile, Zack gets crotched on the top rope by Faqu, who shakes the ropes to send him off balance. The Samoan, limping slightly now, heads up top and snatches Zack, hitting a release belly to belly suplex off the ropes that sends Malibu into orbit before gravity brings him back down the hard way! Faqu gets up and stalks Zack, creeping across the ring towards his fallen foe, but then out of the corner of his eye notices Bohemoth brawling with Blonde at ringside. Faqu moves towards the ropes and hops off the apron, driving an axehandle between Bo's shoulder blades as he dukes it out with Blonde, and now the duo hammers Bo down, working him over with vicious forearms and kicks. The members of Cucaracha International pound on the popular hoss and then roll him into the ring...which Zack utilizes to his advantage, as he runs across the ring and springs off of Bo's back as he rest on all fours, launching himself over the ropes with a flip plancha onto his rivals! COLE That was amazing! The crowd gets a rush from witnessing Zack's show of bravery, as all three men are sprawled out in the aisleway. Referee Charles Robinson has no idea what to make of the scene, as he's got a man not in the match recovering in the ring, and the two combatants plus one other all laid out on the floor. Slowly, Zack, Faqu, and Blonde all rise to their feet, and Zack trades blows with both of them until Bo rolls out of the ring to even the odds. COLE It's breaking down here again for the second week in a row! These four guys are tearing each other apart! Bo pairs off with Faqu, while Blonde and Zack trade shots, each man delivering a right hand to the face of the other before it's reciprocated. Bo pins Faqu against the apron, but Faqu gouges his eyes and delivers a headbutt to stagger him, then grabs him by the neck to choke him out! Bo reaches out and takes Faqu by the neck, and now a swarm of OAOAST staff rush out to break up the chaos before things get too heated! COACH I think we lost this one, Cole...it doesn't seem like any order is gonna be restored! Robinson, the road agents, the other refs...everyone and their mother is trying to pry the four wrestlers apart, to no avail. Punches continue to be thrown and no one is able to be held back, until literally about 10 staff members stand between the two pairs of wrestlers. Faqu tries barrelling through EVERYONE, but Blonde realizes that it would do their careers even more harm if he were to lay waste to everybody out there. Zack and Bo egg him on, only to be calmed by the OAOAST crew. COLE The bad blood boils over once again, and I don't think anything got settled here at all tonight, Coach! Two years ago Faqu had undoubtedly the greatest moment of his career on this very program against Zack, but neither man can be happy about tonight! COACH Both guys had points to prove, and none of that happened. What we do know is that Zack has a red dot on him and Blonde and Faqu are the snipers ready to fire! COLE We also know that Bohemoth, fresh off a brutal rivalry with Zack, has now offered to aid his friend as he stands up to his one time allies. This one already has a lot of twists and turns, and I can only imagine what will happen next on HeldDOWN~! COMMERCIAL

Partly cloudy, partly clothed...an event full of spills and thrills that’ll leave you in chills! OAOAST BACKTRACKER HeldDOWN~! Two Week Ago Having traded in his tights for a suit and microphone long ago, standing atop the interview stage is OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Though currently not scheduled to compete on the card, my guests this week have issued a formal challenge to any combination of the Enterprise to meet them Sunday night, June 29 at the seventh annual Great Angle Bash. I’m speaking of MARV and MEL, the CHRIST AIR EXPRESS! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Rise Against hits and the most radical tag team in the land, identical twin sensations MARV and MEL burst on the scene along with BARON WINDELS. COLE The Lone Star Gunslinger himself is here! COACH Isn’t convenient Baron only appears when Mr. Dick isn’t around, Cole? The man knows he can’t handle The Dick so he lurks in the shadows until the coast is clear. BRANNIGAN What an unexpected surprise this is. Baron Windels, what brings you here this evening? BARON A plane and then a rental car. In all seriousness though, people who’ve called the OAOAST Hot Newzline in recent weeks know I’ve been training with my good friends the Christ Air Express in preparation for my return to the ring Sunday night, June 29 at the Great Angle Bash against my former tag partner and one-time close friend “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan. But Tony, you know better than anyone there’s no substitute for the real thing. All the sparring sessions in the world can’t prepare you for the situations you’ll face once you step inside that squared circle. Right now I’m a bit rusty. That’ll happen when you’ve been sidelined for months. Hell, a lot of folks thought I wouldn’t even make it back…but time heals all facial lacerations and bruised pride. Going into my fight with Jock -- and it will be a fight -- I know I need to be in the best shape possible. On the surface I look to be in the best shape in my life, but there’s a difference being in shape and in game shape. So right here live next week I’ve been granted a tune-up match. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BRANNIGAN COLE Hey, all right! Baron Windels returns to action next week 3 days before the Great Angle Bash. COACH And Mr. Dick is yet again proven right. Didn’t he tell us Baron’s a mark for himself? I mean, this is supposed to be the Christ Air Express’ interview time and Baron Windels is hogging it all. BARON (nodding head in response to crowd’s excitement) I also want to say one more thing. We all saw the footage from a couple weeks ago when my friends MARV and MEL were attacked by the Certified Pubic Ass-kicker himself, CPA. I guess it’s part of the Enterprise’s hostile takeover attempt. Well I got news for you fellas, as long as Baron Windels is alive and kickin’ you’ll never succeed in your quest. And CPA, if you’re ever feeling trigger happy then gather some men together for a showdown at the OAOAST Corral with me and the Christ Air Express. MARV That’s right, daddy. Anytime, anywhere. Next week or at the Great Angle Bash. Two on two or three on three. It doesn’t matter to us. MEL and I just want some combination of the Enterprise in the ring with us. MEL In the ring or out in the streets. We’re so fired up about what happened to us we don’t care how it’s done so long as it’s done. Know what I mean? The music cues and Tony Brannigan wraps up the interview as the CAE and Baron acknowledge the sea of mass packed inside. BRANNIGAN I certainly do. Gentlemen, thank you very much. If this is any indication, fans, then it's going to be a scorching hot summer. Now more action, or maybe a commercial break. Only our great director knows and he isn’t telling. Let’s see what he has in store for us. i have a dog humping a boy in store 4 u COMING UP NEXT ZACK MALIBU VS FAQU NEXT

We return with Lloyd's Girls around the world serenading the viewers as the camera pans around the arena to focus on the better looking female in attendance. I will leave it to alf to vouch for the attractiveness of the women in Indy! But, yo, Lloyd's got mad swagga, I fucks with him no homo. COLE Coming up next, tag team action, as D*LUX take on Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas... and, speaking of which, we've got something going on backstage. Apparantly we're having trouble getting a hold of Biff! Cut to backstage, where the frustrated figure of Vinny Valentine stands trying to get Biff out of his locker room. *KNOCKKNOCK* VINNY Yo, Biff, pull the lead out baby! *KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK* Eventually, the door opens and the disheveled figure of Biff Atlas pokes his head out of the door. Hilarity ensues when we realise this isn't his locker room, but infact a storage closet he's hidden inside. BIFF Sorry, I just don't think I'm ready for this yet. Not after last week. VINNY So what, you're gonna sit in there all day, surrounded by bottles of bleach and paint remover? Realising the mortal danger awaiting inside, should one of the bottles be nudged with enough force to knock it off the shelf and land on the floor with enough force to dislodge the well-tightened cap, Biff zips out of the room and slams the door quickly behind him. BIFF Okay, but no music. VINNY *stammers* Don't be using those words together around me man. That ain't what's happenin'! BIFF But scientific research has shown that listening to loud music can lead to premature deafness. I used to listen to my iPod on my morning jog all the time before I realised what a health hazard it was. I'm already at high risk! VINNY Biff you crazy cat you. You can't's fear the music, you gotta embrace the music daddy-o! Listen man, don't sweat it, the only thing you're in danger of with Vinny V in control of the ol' jukebox is getting down with your bad self! Ain't no harm gonna come your way tonight. Trust me. Still not looking sure, Biff eventually gives in and follows after Vinny as he struts off towards the arena. COLE ...Biff and Vinny, as ready as they'll ever be! And they're up, next! COMMERCIAL OAOAST SYNDICATED Pre-empted last week, but back this week! Enhancement rejoice! From the company that brought you JINGUS and The Sadist, two gay Mexican luchadors and an eskimo and a fish, it's quite possibly the most bizarre mismatched tag team in OAOAST history! To the sounds of "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats, the disco-loving Vinny Valentine and the life-fearing Biff Atlas make their way through the entrance doors. Vinny breaks into some Night Fever-inspired dancing with Biff stood behind him eyeing the firework ports to his left nervously and wishing Vinny would hurry up and move so he can get to safety. BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing team number one. First, from Venice Beach, California... weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... BBIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF AAAAAATTLLLLLLLAAAAAASSSSS!! And his tag team partner hails from Brooklyn, New York. Weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds he is "THE DISCO DUCK"... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNYYYYYYYYYY VVVVAAAAAAALLLLLEEEEENNTTIIIIIIINNEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Biff very carefully follows the jiving Vinny down the aisle, as we backtrack to last week... OAOAST BACKTRACKER Watching this on the AngleTron is enough to bring poor Biff out in hives and he decides to bail out while the going is good. Vinny pulls him back though and attempts to calm his hypochondriac partner down. COLE Biff as usual a little nervous about... well, his continued existance on this planet. But he's actually on the winning streak of his life. COACH Ever since he started being more cautious, yeah. Just goes to show, slowly slowly catchy monkey. COLE Biff has calmed down now and gets himself ready, pulling on athletic headgear and a gumshield while "Makes Me Wonder" begins to play. Out from the back bound the boyband boys to a roaring shriek from the crowd. Shayne and Tyler get the crowd on their feet before tagging away at hands on their way down to the ring, still sans manager Jade Rodez who gets a 'shout-out' from Shayne. After he's shouted out to Krista and remembered Jade would be watching the same TV, of course. BUFFER And their opponents! At a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy nine pounds... from the great state of Michigan... here are, "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Shayne slides into the ring sending Biff to the apron, not to the floor itself as he doesn't fancy the 3 foot drop. Up on the turnbuckles, Tyler shows his appreciation to the legions of D*LUX fans before leaping in to join his partner. COLE One of the most popular tag-teams in OAOAST history, D*LUX! With double high-fives, Shayne and Tyler are ready to go and it'll be Tyler to start. The pro-Tyler girls let out a roar, before a puppy-dog look from Shayne gets a cheer from his admirers. Hearing this, Vinny goes over to the far side of the crowd and strikes a pose, to zero cheers what-so-ever. COLE This a rematch from two weeks ago on Syndicated, which Biff and Vinny actually won thanks to Vinny's use of his disco ball. Although thankfully, it doesn't look like he's been allowed to bring that tonight. COACH Vinny's always carrying two huge disco balls! That makes him more of a man than these ballad-writing saps! *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and Vinny strolls back over to his corner, then leaves the ring much to Biff's confusion. Vinny relaxes in the corner before realising Biff wasn't expected to have to start the match and being forced to send his partner in. Smiling, Tyler waves Biff on. The ever-nervous Biff slowly gets into the ring and Tyler starts to circle, which sends Biff very carefully to the outside to pysch himself up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE So. Biff Atlas. What happened to all the global warming stuff? The environmental activism? COACH Oh please, that was so 2007. COLE I'm sorry? Did I blink and miss the solving of one of Earth's greatest potential threats? COACH You've got to move with the times Michael. Global warming ain't the hot button it used to be. It ain't what's hip. Besides, they had that big concert around the world and all the rockstars and overrated stand-up comedians saved the world. Just like Live Aid cured the poverty in Africa all those years ago. COLE I'm pretty sure they didn't cur... COACH They sung some songs, problem solved. Right? After summoning up all his courage, Biff re-enters the ring. Tyler moves his way and Biff stays near the ropes, baiting him into a boot to the gut... CAUGHT! Panic stricken, even more-so, Biff thinks of all the possible knee injuries that could come from hopping on one leg while he's dragged away from the ropes and into a succession of right hands! On the fourth, Tyler turns and hits the ropes. Biff drops down, forcing Tyler up over the top. Rebounding again, Tyler goes up and over again. And off the far ropes, the same result. Pulling up, Tyler puts his hands on his hips as it becomes clear Biff isn't trying to trip him up but has just curled into a foetal position hoping not to get hit. COLE Biff going to his happy place. As Tyler wonders what the heck is going on, Vinny Valentine capitalises, sneaking into the ring and pulling him down with a Neckbreaker! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Waking Biff up from his cowardly position, Vinny leaves and Biff scrambles over with a cover... 1... 2... No! Biff applies a nice, safe rear chinlock. COLE You know, this super-caution of Biff may not be such a bad thing, in small doses. And with someone who doesn't fear life itself to do most of the work. Egged on by the support of the crowd being cheerled by Shayne, Tyler starts to fight back up. From one knee he delivers an elbow to the gut. Tyler then drives in with some right hands. Three breaks the hold, allowing Tyler to send Biff off the ropes and fell him with a back elbow. And a clothesline. Then a dropkick for Vinny as he starts to enter the ring! COLE There goes that someone though. Tyler wrings the arm on Biff as he gets back up, making the tag to Shayne. Together D*LUX take an arm each, wringing forward and back before taking Biff over with a double armdrag. Showtime hangs on with an armbar, referee Charles Robinson asking Biff if he wants to give up, to which he replies with a resounding "UM... MAYBE!" COLE Submission applied which is surely Biff's achilles heel. Most nights Biff looks ready to submit to the opening bell. COACH Nah, you're all wrong. It's not that Biff's got a low pain threshhold, it's that he's scared of pain before it even gets near his threshhold. With Biff fearing ripped tendons from the 185 pounder's armbar he climbs back to his feet and muscles towards his corner. He pins Shayne against the buckles, allowing Vinny to tag himself in. Vinny picks his spot with a shot to the gut, then stomps a mudhole in Shayne's chest and boogies it dry once Biff is out of the way. Referee Robinson pulls Vinny off when his feet don't stop-a'tappin' and Biff proves he may be a coward but he's not afraid to get in a cheapshot, as he scrapes his loafer across the face of Shayne from the apron. COACH Ooh. Nasty, those things have got good grip on the bottom. Shayne rolls away from the corner holding his face and is pulled up by Valentine. Irish whip leads to a back elbow knockdown and a cover... 1... 2... No. COLE Biff and Vinny aren't fairing too badly thus far. I must say, I'm a little surprised. Vinny send Shayne into the ropes again and ducks his head for a backdrop. But Shayne leapfrogs him and Tyler gets the blind tag! Persistant, Vinny ducks down for another backdrop but Shayne puts on the brakes and hits an inverted atomic drop. And with Vinny held in place, in rushes Tyler with a Yakuza Kick to the face! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Opposites Attract! And like the song says, I guess with Vinny and Biff, it's a case of two steps forward and two steps back! COACH The fact you know the words to that song is sad and not at all surprising. Cover from Tyler... 1... 2... No! Pulling Vinny up in a front facelock, Tyler executes a textbook vertical suplex. Tyler rolls through into a lateral press, but rolls straight out of it to get the quick tag. Straight up top, Shayne follows up on the suplex with a Picture Perfect Elbowdrop to the prone Vinny V and pumps his fist in excitement before covering... 1... 2... Biff carefully breaks the count! COLE Seamless teamwork from D*LUX right there. COACH Whaddya know, maybe they have got a brain of their own. Of course, it's a brain between them, but still it goes to show just how overall useless Jade Rodez must be since they obviously don't need her that bad. Watching Biff leave the ring Shayne takes his eye off the ball and it allows Vinny to surprise him with a knee to the breadbasket. The Disco Duck then starts to juke and jive before taking Shayne up for a back suplex. Floating over the top, Shayne lands on his feet and then evades a wild grab from Vinny, knocking him down with a crossbody block... 1... 2... No! Vinny swings and misses with a clothesline, Shayne springing up onto his thighs with an attempted monkey flip. No go though, Vinny shifting the moment and placing Showtime up on the top turnbuckle. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" An open handed chop takes the air from Shayne's lungs. COLE Vinny going to follow Shayne up, I don't think Biff views this as such a good idea. Despite his partner's warnings of the dangers of climbing the already occupied ropes, Vinny scales to the second rope and strikes a John Travolta-esque pose. Shayne takes advantage of the complete waste of time (seriously, like anyone in the crowd's old enough to remember Night Fever!) with a forearm to the gut. A second. And a third, before pushing Vinny in the chest to send him plummeting back to the canvas! Poor Biff hangs his head sadly with an "I told you so" look on his face. COLE Looks like Biff was right. COACH You know, you don't hear that often. Apparantly Shayne hasn't listened to his safety advice either though as he pulls his feet back onto the top rope. Biff can't bear to watch any longer and walks down the apron to try and convince Shayne to think about his well-being, advice which Shayne doesn't want to hear. He waves at Biff to buzz off and referee Robinson agrees, sending Biff back to his corner. The distraction proves enough though, as Shayne soars off the top with a body splash and finds no water in the pool, as Valentine rolls out of harm's way!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And Biff held Shayne's attention for just long enough to allow Vinny to recover. Vinny rolls over and gets the tag off to Biff. Upset that no-one seems willing to heed his advice, Biff comes in with a little less fear and a little more intent. Picking Shayne up off the mat, Biff scoops and slams Shayne then backs into the corner. COACH Looks like Biff's not gonna lead by example. With all the grace of a newly-born giraffe on the edge of a cliff, Biff eases himself up first onto the bottom rope, then onto the middle. Infact, he only gets one foot on the middle rope. He then takes a look down and sees his life flash before his eyes. Just as carefully, he replaces the foot back on the bottom rope and comes from the LOW-RISK district with a BOTTOM ROPE SPLASH!! COACH Or maybe he is! COLE Cover. 1... 2... Kickout. COLE I think Biff was so relieved to still be in one-piece, he didn't realise he was even making a pin there! After lecturing Shayne on how much safer his way was (and let's face it, he's got a point since his splash actually worked), Biff clubs him in the back with a forearm. And again. Adjusting his amateur headgear, Biff then JOGS the ropes. In no rush, he comes back with a clothesline. By which time, Shayne has recovered and ducks the line, leaping onto Biff's back looking for a Crucifix... and getting it... 1... 2... Biff kicks out and shows a little more haste in getting to his feet, delivering a boot. COLE Somehow I don't think the slow-motion clothesline is going to catch on. Grabbing Shayne by the head, Biff throws him face-first into the top turnbuckle making good and sure to get his hand safely out of the way of the boybander's rebounding head. He then tags Vinny back in. Stepping in, Vinny delivers a kick to the midsection then applies a front facelock. Holding Shayne in place, Vinny then starts delivering some Night Fever inspired forearms to the back, striking the pose in between each shot. And like I already explained, it's a lost reference to most people. After five forearms, Vinny shoves Shayne down and starts to dance. Which is pretty stupid and allows Shayne to get back to his feet, to deliver a Leg Lariat as Vinny eventually charges at him! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE There's a time and a place for disco dancing and... well, actually, no, no there isn't. Shayne pulls off a Ricky Morton roll to the corner and brings in Tyler! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Here comes The Tremendous One! Leaping in, Tyler runs through Vinny with a quick clothesline. Another clothesline knocks him down. And so does a third. Biff sees his partner in mortal danger and climbs into the ring, not to help but to get the referee to do something. However a dropkick sends Biff staggers backwards and he soon finds himself trapped in by "Tremendous" Tyler, raising a fist to the Indianapolis crowd... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" COLE A surefire Top Ten Hit! Tyler jumps down and whips Atlas towards the turnbuckles. Sticking his hands out in front of him, Biff prepares to go up and over out of the corner, only to bottle it at the last second! Instead he just stands with his hands gripped on the top rope until the inevitable collision as Tyler plows into him from behind! Tyler then sidesteps, causing Vinny to run Biff into the turnbuckles for a second time! COLE Oh! A collision of heads in the corner! Out stagger both men. Biff simply falls and rolls to the floor. Vinny meanwhile backs right into the arms of Tyler, The Disco Duck taken up into a fireman's carry. In comes Shayne to hit the neckbreaker off the shoulders right in the centre of the ring! COLE D*LUX wanna Rock Your Body! COACH And you thought disco was a dated reference. Leg hook by Tyler... 1... 2... NO! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Kickout by Vinny Valentine! The Syndication Superstar hanging in on the big show. Leaving the action in the ring behind, Shayne Brave grabs hold of the top ring rope and launches himself up and out onto Biff with a PESCADO! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Meanwhile, back in the ring Tyler has the making of a Recordbreaker going. He's unable to hook both arms though and Vinny sneaks out, shoving Tyler in the back to force him into the ropes. Tyler comes back with a Yakuza Kick, ducked by Vinny who hits the ropes himself... and runs right back into a Samoan Drop! COLE Great counter by Tyler and... what the heck is this now!? COACH Looks like some long overdue protection. All eyes turn to the two RIOT GUARDS who have suddenly appeared at ringside and make their way over to Biff Atlas. Shayne is just pulling himself up and gets into it with one of the guards, which draws referee Charles Robinson outside to restore order. In the ring, Tyler has Vinny measured, catching him on one knee in the back of the head with the Shining Enziguri! Tyler then makes the cover... ...but there's no referee! COLE Tyler's got this one won, but we've got a commotion on the floor... Tyler looks up and realises the referee is out of position, slapping the mat in frustration and climbing back to his feet. But suddenly, in from the blindside slides the other riot guard! Tyler seems him too late to avoid a NIGHTSTICK TO THE RIBS!! Tossing aside the club, the riot guard then pulls Tyler in and lifts him over his shoulder. Up into a crucifix goes The Tremendous One... and DOWN he's driven, right on the back of his head with a Crucifix Powerbomb!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What in the hell was that!? COACH Payback. Sweet, sweet payback. COLE You've got to be kidding me! The other riot guard bails out and referee Robinson's eye is caught by him, then directed towards the ring where Vinny Valentine has dragged his sorry self over the top of Tyler in a cover... COLE Oh no, not like this! 1... 2... 3!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Agh! COACH Vinny wins! Biff wins! Miracles do happen! "Safety Dance strikes up again as the riot guards leap into action to drag both Vinny and Biff to safety from Shayne Brave. "Showtime" slides in and marches around the ring demanding to know what happened as the riot guards drag Biff and Vinny off. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of VINNY VALENTINE and BIFF AAATTLLLLAAAASSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Shayne checks on Tyler, while in the aisleway Vinny manages to find consciousness enough to bust out a little victory dance. He's soon joined by the riot guards, pulling off their helmets to reveal the thick hairy visages of LUCIUS SOUL and RICO DE JANEIRO, THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREW!! Rico laughs and strokes away at his moustache, while Lucius fixes up his fro in fear of helmet hair. COLE I don't believe this. COACH I know, how the hell did Lucius get that helmet up over his 'fro? Much props my brother! COLE Call me hypocritical after what happened last week, but what a rotten set-up this was. Rico and Lucius under those riot guard uniforms we saw D*LUX in last week, Rico came in with the nightstick and gave Tyler the Moustache Ride... I guess that's what Vinny meant earlier when he said 'trust me' earlier. COACH Brilliant! These guys ain't gonna take the humiliation laying down looking up at the lights no more. Krista, I hope you're watching because your daughter's boys just got exampled for ya! As the victorious foursome celebrate the rarity of a plan actually coming together and working for them, Tyler sits himself up and D*LUX look up scornfully at them from the ring. COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT CHRISTIAN WRIGHT VS PRL TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT TWIN TERRORS AN INTERVIEW WITH MARV AND MEL NEXT

I think we just might have someone from Indiana in our little e-fed family! But, whoever, could it be? Perhaps these visual clues will assist you. I don't remember but did that alien alf eat cats or just dislike them? alas and alack this show may actually be posted on thursday, but I'll do whatever's good for the ppl though. yo, fam rkelly almost got almost got knocked on a violation but he got off. I want ya'll to celebrate, flirt with the girl at the club standing next to her boyfriend, then give boyboy the beats, and then step in the name love.

EWC do you want the mainevent, because i don't really need/want it anymore?

lolz, wrestling buddies, plz dont call the mainevent!

its war, b. we out for blood and you already know this.

I have once again learned a painful lesson in humility.

A very funny, very entertaining show! I throughly enjoyed reading this one. Just wild and zany stuff that's a treat to visualize. Hilarious!

sings us around UNC Charlotte, the largest institution of higher learning in the city. With over twenty two thousand students its the fastest growing school in the state system. Escape the fate's lead singer is sooooo hot. We suddenly find ourselves backstage with intrepid reporter Josh Matthews, hurrying down the hallways with a camera close on his trail. MATTHEWS Guys, we've just had word that James Cone is here in the arena and that he's not alone! We're going to go get the scoop right now... Stumbling across the right door, Matthews raps his knuckles across the door excitedly, having not landed a scoop like this for a while now. He impatiently waits for somebody to answer and when they don't, he knocks again. Voices can definately be heard from the other side of the door, which eventually creeps open with James Cone poking his head out. MATTHEWS Ah, James, listen can we get a word about the challenge of Sly Somme... PHOENIX You must be a mind-reader. Give me one minute. MATTHEWS Uh, sure, no proble... *SLAM!* Cone disappears back into the locker room, leaving Josh to brush off the door in the face treatment. *COMMERCIAL BREAK!* Persistence pays though, as evidenced by Josh now being allowed into the locker room by The Phoenix. Josh is lead in by Cone and sat down, with a nervous look on his face that gets even more nervous the moment he finds himself eyeball to eyeball with FAQU! The heavy-breathing Samoan stares at Josh, who glances around trying to avoid eye contact, to the rest of Cucaracha Internacional scattered around the room. PHOENIX So, do you still want to ask that question? Or do you think you can join the dots for yourself? MATTHEWS You've alligned yourselves with... these men? PHOENIX Sure. If I'm going into War Games, I need partners, right? And trust me, I'm going into War Games. I've been in some of the most dangerous environments in this business. Some of the bloodiest matches in the company. I'm not the kind of guy who backs down from fights. Sly Sommers made a huge mistake challenging me to a War Games Match of all things, obviously he didn't see what I did in Stairway To Oblivion at AngleMania. I guess he underestimated me. And I am SICK TO DEATH of him underestimating me! Cone smiles as he sits down next to the clearly uncomfortable Josh. PHOENIX He assumed that I'd have trouble finding anybody to team with me, after my 'actions' in Milan. Guess he was off the mark there as well. I've done the deal with these gentlemen here. No allignment. They wanted in War Games for their own reasons, I just needed back-up. You don't need friends in this business, you just need respect. I respect these guys. And these guys respect me enough to realise what I can do in War Games. Sly Sommers disrespected me. And now he's gonna pay. Dearly. MADDIX See, it's not about Sly Sommers... not for us, anyway. Emerging out of the shadows of the back of the room is Landon, having waited more than long enough to hear the sound of his own voice. MADDIX War Games for this man is a personal issue with Sly Sommers. War Games for Cucaracha Internacional is exposure. It's opportunity. It's the big stage, the big match, where we want to be. I said two weeks ago, we're always looking for the next opportunity to make things right. The Match Of Champions didn't end up being that opportunity, thanks to two of my champions being attacked before the match I hasten to point out. So, we move on to the next opportunity. Que sera! Whoever Sly Sommers ends up getting, whoever Sly Sommers even IS, doesn't matter. All that matters is, victory in War Games means big things for Cucaracha Internacional. MATTHEWS So you're putting these four into the most dangerous environment in the OAOAST just to get them noticed? MADDIX What!? No no no, you've got it all wrong Josh Matthews... yeah, I'm one of the four! Landon smiles a big smile. MADDIX Gimme some credit wouldya? I couldn't be in the Match Of Champions, but I can damn sure be in this. And you really think I'd put a liability like Todd Cortez in War Games!? A match of this importance? Todd Cortez cannot be trusted, not yet. Until he proves to me he's worthy of the time and devotion myself and Megan have invested in his career, he's officially bumped down the pecking order. He's at the bottom of the barrel. On the subs bench. Fifth in line, six if you count Megan! He'll be embarking on the grand Syndicated world tour and getting to know some of our fine enhancement workers here in the OAOAST a little better, until he finally proves his worth to me again. The camera pans over at this point, to reveal Todd Cortez standing in the corner of the room arms folded and listening to all this. See, I bet you thought he wasn't there! But he was! MADDIX War Games is far too big of a responsiblity for our lowest rank. That's why myself, Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and the bigman here, Faqu... Faqu beats his chest causing Josh to flinch. MADDIX ...are going to be representing Cucaracha Internacional with Mister Cone. PHOENIX (fixes Josh's jacket) Looks like I did pretty well for somebody who "just doesn't have it", doesn't it? Go pass the message on to your buddy Sommers. I look forward to seeing who he can use his 'charm' on to be on his side. I really do. Job done, Matthews is promptly 'escorted' out of the locker room by Nathaniel Black, who undoes all of Cone's good work of fixing his jacket by bustling him out the door. Josh brushes himself off as the door slams behind him again. MATTHEWS Well... guys, back to you in the arena. COACH What a coo for James Cone! COLE Well Sly Sommers wondered if anyone would be willing to trust Cone after what he did at The Milan Spectacular. Apparantly he found a group of guys just as untrustworthy as himself to round out his War Games team. COACH Hey, all Pheonix did was stand up for himself. The way I see it, it's 5 on 1 right now and who knows how many more people Sommers insulted in those fancy interviews of his besides Cone? Guy's got a big mouth and it's gonna come back to haunt him. COLE We'll see at The Great Angle Bash! But stay tuned for our mainevent! COMMERCIAL

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD The rousing chorus of the theme song of Ultimate Victory(soon to be replaced!) joins with the gorgeously produced entrance video to welcome viewers around the world to sports entertainment's flagship program, OAOAST HeldDOWN! I shall repost my design of the entrance stage: In case you missed it last week I present the description of entry way: Protruding from above and behind the Angletron is a thin video screen that circles all the way back towards the backstage area, and is highlighted by a neon white and black film strip pattern border. It rests atop a black ceiling that dances soft blue, purple and white spotlights across a slick black entrance floor, which is actually made up of numerous video screens. Beneath the ceiling are two walls that house two sets of video screens, each mirroring what's seen on the Angletron and each shrouded by the glow from roving purple lights. The entrance door sits at the base of the Angletron, leading to short set of long illuminated black stairs. At each side of the entrance set, are a pair of spiraling staircases, decorated by the trademark purple and blue spotlights, and both leading to scaffolding. Our announce team stands in front of the ring, recipients of the only light in an otherwise dimly lit arena. But that's not important right now as double C is on their feet at sofa central waiting to welcome us to tonight's brodcast! COLE Welcome to Charlotte North Carolina for another edition of the highest rated event in sports entertainment, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole, sitting alongside the Coach! Coach how are you planning on destroying the credibility of our show tonight?? What comments will you be using to undermine the hardowork of our talent? COACH America, look at this dude with his suspect man crush on me. He's always had it. Shit to the point I had to drop napalm bombs on his bitch ass so he can back off now the dude is on some scorn shit. Cole, you mumble mouth BITCH, your mother gaves plaintum head and we call the bitch DESTRO. the bitch got fat on her back like an earthworm and two-steps like 2cold scropio rockin Big Van Vader Helmet on her head talkin about IT'S TIME!!!!, IT'S VADER TIME! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, get ready for one of our main attractions of the evening! Up next, our first of two championships are on the line tonight, in a rematch from School's Out! The challengers have demanded a rematch, and the champions have accepted, for the OAOAST tag team championship of the WORLD! ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Charlotte, North Carolina...ARRRRRRRRE YOUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYY??? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Charlotte, and the millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRUMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! The Wall by Kansas hits, as the lights go out and the entrance fills with yellow strobes and smoke. The crowd boos, as Thunderkid and Reject emerge through the smoke. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...at a combined weight of 485 pounds! After School's Out, they issued the challenge for tonight's match, and are out to make the most of a second chance, and capture their first tag team titles. Ladies and gentlemen...the challengers...representing the Deadly Alliance...the team of THUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! COLE You know, when Thunderkid and Reject issued the challenge for this rematch, they said that there was no clean-cut winner in the first match! That's because they got themselves disqualified when they were facing sure defeat! COACH Now how can you say that, Cole? COLE Team Heyross had Reject set up for their coup de gras move when Thunderkid came in with that chair! It would have been over! COACH Who's to say Reject wouldn't have survived that move? He's a tough guy! COLE Well, the odds were not in his favor! And as a result of the events which transpired after that match, Charlie Moss is the worse for ware with an injured left knee! Thunderkid and Reject roll inside, and pose on the buckles, drawing boos. They hop inside, as Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Team Heyross gets mad props, yo as they come through the curtains. COACH Wow, look at Charlie Moss, this doesn't look good! COLE Moss with a very noticeable limp here, as the champs make their way to the ring! BUFFER Their opponents...at a combined weight of 485 pounds! Two of the grand masters of mat wrestling in our sport, they are ready to take on any obstacle, as proven by their taking on this challenge! Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the OAOAST tag team champions of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! As Benjamin does his pose on the buckles, he is confronted by Thunderkid on the outside of the ring. As the two talk trash to one another, the referee checks the boots of Reject...as Sandman9000 runs from the back, and clobbers Moss in his injured knee with a barbed-wire baseball bat! COLE What is this? It's Sandman9000 again, damn it! Moss writhes in pain, as Sandman jams the top of the bat into the knee repeatedly. Sandman slips under the ring, as Thunderkid rolls back inside, and requests that his apparel be checked. Reject then approaches Benjamin, who hops in the ring, as Sandman comes back out, and lifts up the protective padding on the outside. COACH And Quentin doesn't even know it! This is genius on the part of the Deadly Alliance! Sandman rolls Moss onto his stomach, then grabs his left foot and places his own foot onto the back of his knee, ramming the injured knee into the exposed concrete! Sandman then replaces the concrete, and runs to the back. COLE I can't believe this! And neither the referee or Quentin Benjamin saw ANY of that! As Benjamin begins his stretches, he finally spots Moss in serious pain on the floor. He puts his hands on his head in distress, as TK levels him from behind! *DING DING DING* COLE And the match officially under way, although I don't know how much of a match it's going to be at this rate! Benjamin goes through the ropes to the floor, as TK and Reject follow. TK stomps away on Moss, as Reject shoves Benjamin into the guardrail! Reject then joins in on the assault with TK, as they double-team Moss. COACH Oh man, TK and Reject along with Sandman have planned this perfectly! COLE And you remember, it was Sandman last week following the Match of Champions going after Moss's knee with that Singapore Cane, and tonight, he strikes again! TK rolls back into the ring, as Reject continues on Moss. COLE The legal men here are going to be Benjamin and Thunderkid... Benjamin catches TK with a clothesline as he gets to his feet! Benjamin then lays in some kicks on TK, sending him staggering into a corner, then jumps to the outside and delivers some to Reject. COLE And Quentin Benjamin out to aid his partner! Reject goes to the eyes, and tries sending him into the guardrail again, but Benjamin reverses and sends Reject in! Benjamin rolls back into the ring, then ducks a TK charge, and floors him with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK rolls over and tags Reject, who gets caught with a savate kick, followed by a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... TK tries to save, but Benjamin hops up and gives him a shot to the gut, then begins working over him in the corner. COLE Benjamin fighting valiantly here, 1-against-2! The camera cuts to Moss still in pain on the floor, then Benjamin setting up a piledriver! However, Reject hits him with a double axhandle from behind, then hooks him, as TK backs into the ropes for a clothesline...but Benjamin slips out! TK stops just in time to avoid hitting Reject, but Benjamin dropkicks the two into each other! COACH Benjamin looking good right now, but you got to think he's going to run out of gas soon! Benjamin floors TK with a superkick! TK rolls into a corner, and Benjamin backs into the one across, then comes in with a Stinger splash! Benjamin then backs into the ropes as TK staggers out, and catches him with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Reject saves with a legdrop to the back of the head! COACH See, now he's in trouble, a big legdrop from Reject, and Benjamin basically has no one to tag to here! TK stomps away on Benjamin, then picks him up, and knocks him right back down with a European uppercut! He then tags in Reject, and wrings the arm of Benjamin as Reject climbs to the top, and comes off with a double axhandle to the shoulder. Reject then backs Benjamin into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then tags TK, who lifts Benjamin in a Hangman's hold. COACH They're going for the kill now! Reject measures, and drills Benjamin with a roundhouse kick! Meanwhile, Moss is pulling himself up onto the apron! COACH What's this? COLE Look at Charlie Moss! The guts! TK picks up Benjamin in a PRESS SLAM~!, tossing him down onto the mat! COACH Yeah, but what about the brains, Cole? And what about the career? TK then whips Benjamin into a corner, stopping to taunt the crowd, which boos, then charges...but Benjamin rolls out of the way! COLE And Benjamin doing everything he can here to survive... Benjamin rolls into his corner...where Moss tags himself in! COLE And Charlie Moss just tagged himself in! COACH This could be bad, Cole! Moss hobbles in, and delivers a right hand to TK, then one to Reject who comes in! He goes back and forth delivering right hands! COLE But look at him fight! You've got to be impressed with this guy right now! Moss hooks Reject, and drops him with an STO BACKBREAKER~! COLE The STO backbreaker to Reject! Moss pulls himself up, and tosses himself at TK, knocking him back into a corner! He then pulls himself up again, and weakly whips him across, and TK bounces right out and drills him with a BICYCLE KICK~! COLE And Moss got caught with a bicycle kick! TK drops down and hooks the injured knee of Moss... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~! COLE And we have NEW World tag team champions! COACH TK and Reject have finally done it! TK gets up to his knees, and gets a big smile on his face, as Reject excitedly hands him a tag team title belt. BUFFER The winners of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST tag team champions of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...the team of THUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! Benjamin checks on Moss on the outside, as TK and Reject celebrate. COLE Thunderkid and Reject have taken a long and winding road to get here, but they are now the World tag team champions for the first time! They needed a lot of help to do it... COACH Wha...were we watching the same match, Cole? TK and Reject broke no rules within this match! Big deal, Moss had a little boo-boo on his knee... COLE A little boo-boo??? What the fuck is wrong with you? He's had weapons wrapped around it for three weeks now! COACH If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen, Cole! Look what the Celtics are doing to the Lakers right now in the Finals! It's a man's game, and the Lakers are a bunch of kids! Same situation here! Reject wipes the sweat from his brow, and flings it down onto Team Heyross on the outside, then the new champs depart the ring, as the fans pelt them with trash in the aisle. COLE So one title has changed hands here tonight, later on, we'll see if Christian Wright can make it 2-for-2! Right now, let's go to... COMING UP NEXT REEL TALK FOR REEL MINDS REEL TALK WITH GUESTS MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA NEXT

COLE Just this past Tuesday, Krista took Jade out for a bisexual speed dating event in LA. Resident intern, Molly Nerdly got it all on camera! Take a look! Our scene is of Sunset Strip in the night time, the legendary strip of land teems and throngs upscale traffic both pedestrian and vehicular. But even with the gorgeous scenery and the even more gorgeous passerbys, one thing stands out, the mercdes driven by Krista Isaodra Duncan. In the back seat sits Molly with the siclopse. In the front Jade is in the passenger's seat, wearing a ruffled pink dress and matching pink headband with a black bow on top. Krista sits cool behind the weel, outfitted in flared jeans and a white polo shirt. JADE God, I'm so nervous. I've never been speed dating before! KRISTA (pulling closer towards the establishment) You've been on a date before, correct? JADE Uh...sure. KRISTA And you've done speed before, right? JADE Uh.... KRISTA Put the two together and what do you get? MOLLY Unwanted pregnancy and a night you can't remember the exact details of? KRISTA Yes! But, honey, thankfully, this is nothing like that. You will be just fine. Just fine. And by the time you realize the person you're with is a shallow husk of a human being hiding behind thousands of dollars worth of beauty products, bought from your's truly, it'll be time to move on to someone who's a lot more interesting and most importantly a lot hotter! JADE Speaking of hot, I hope there are some cute guys here. There are cute guys all over the city, so watch me walk into the one place that looks like the West Coast version of Flint. KRISTA Men! Hmph! Oh honey, so many of history's most awful people were men. Who killed millions of our kind in concentration camps? A man! Who ferried over thousands of blacks and enslaved them for decades? A man! Who killed Jesus, a fellow Jew? Many men! Who's responsible for that Speed Racer movie? Two men! Who provided the sperm that helped give life to Perez Hilton? A man! And you know what? I bet all those men are premature ejaculators. So if you want to hook up with megalomaniacal cretins, who can't even keep you satisfied past the one minute bedroom average of most men, you might as well hook up with Christian Wright. Jade laughs. KRISTA Honey, have fun. Have lots of fun. JADE I will, mom. KRISTA And any guy you attempt to bring home I'll turn the rifle on them, so its win-win because I've been meaning to practice my duck hunting. JADE Are you going to be okay sitting in there? With Alix coming home soon, should you really be at this sort of event? KRISTA Jade, I have two masters degrees. It has nothing to do with anything, I just like to make anyone within ear shot feel inferior. But, I can exercise some self control. Give your wonderful mother a little credit, please. Just because there's a bevy of gorgeous, well off, hopefully sexually adventurous lesbians doesn't mean I'm going to be like Christian Wright's mother in a crack store. JADE If that's the case then why aren't you wearing a bra? KRISTA Oh, honey, its a mere coincidence that all my bras wound up in a dumpster in Long Beach the exact same day I'm to be surrounded by many hot, desperate, single women. JADE And I suppose the first four buttons on that shirt are buried somewhere with Lucius Soul's career. KRISTA Why, honey, yes they are! Very tragic, and good job insulting our enemies, knowing they'll never get the TV time to respond. Krista, Jade and Molly step out the Mercedes, awaiting the valet to come drive it away. At that point several paparazzi begin snapping Krista's picture, drawing a polite but disproving smile from the fitness queen. VOICE (OFF SCREEN) Word to big bird, its time to go down! Krista and Jade look around to see where such an unusual and nerdy proclamation could possibly come from in such a chic upscale area. Molly is quicker than their eyes, and captures none other than Vinny Valentine, clad in brownish snakeskin pants and matching trenchcoat and sunglasses, bounding down the streets. JADE Mom! VINNY (drawing closer) What it was, what it is, what it will be gonna change for me, Krista, beating you gonna set the OAOAST free! While Jade, Molly, the paparazzi outside, and the gathered loiters before the event might be wholly stunned at this crazed throwback to the disco era, Krista is entirely relaxed. Even as Valentine approaches with arms outstretched to clothesline her into Orange County, she can't bring herself to register a single concern. She simply grabs onto Vinny's pompadour, and uses it as a guide to direct his head into the passenger door the car! The spectators recoil in shock, and are given something even more astounding, when Krista casually throws his head through the rear passenger side window! As if that weren't enough violence for one century, Krista uses his head to rip her passenger side front window to shreds. That satisfies Krista's lusting for violence, and just as casually as she mangled him so does she discard him to the pavement. KRISTA (handing the keys to the valet) And there better not be a single scratch when I get it back! KRISTA (to Jade) Honey, who was that strange man? JADE Mom, that was Vinny Valentine. KRISTA Doesn't ring a bell. Leaving her car in the hands of the valet, and Vinny in the hands of absolutely no one, the three walk into an art deco themed restaurant which always boasts a prestigious clientèle. The attendees for the speed dating event, all standing around the room, making nervous small talk are every bit as beautiful as the décor, which features bright colors on the wall, dynamic sculptures embedded into the floor and protruding from the wallpaper, as well as numerous candles to to enhance everyone's beauty as well as mute such a vibrant design style. Both Molly and Jade, gaze around the room at the wealth of beauty on display. Krista, however, plays it cool, knowing she is the fairest of them all. A tall thin woman in a flowing white dress, with long curly blond hair that cascades down bellow her shoulders, and sweeps back to accentuate her flat jawline and fine cheekbones stands in the center of the room. WOMAN Welcome one and all to Bisexual speed dating! All the fun of regular dating with none of the awkwardness, because you're out of there in four minutes! If you've been with us before, welcome back, if you haven't welcome still. The rules, if you even want to call them that, are simple, just have a wonderful and special four minute conversation with some of the hottest bisexuals in southern California, and go home with lots of phone numbers and quite a few stories to tell! Other than that enjoy. Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not remind you all to buy plenty of drinks from the bar. Now, go and find true love! Everyone claps, including Jade who claps most enthusiastically of all as she eyes down some potential hookups. KRISTA Just remember, Jade, for every cute girl who's phone number you don't get, an angel gets a herpes scab. CUT TO Jade reclines in her chair staring past the flickering candle, at a handsome man is his early thirties. He has a rounded face that's framed by slick dark stringy hair that comes down to his high cheekbones. Somewhat nervous, his hands alternate between fidgeting with his black slacks or adjusting the collar on his 60's inspired floral print long sleeve shirt. MAN My name is Trevor Hall. JADE Hi Hall, where's Oates? Hahahahaha. I bet you get that all the time! TREVOR Never. You might recognize me though from many supermarket taboloids. I was briefly married to one of the girls from the little known pop band, All Saints. People say to me, its not fair she made all those hits over in England, while you're in America folding clothes at the Gap in the Beverly Center, waiting for someone to buy your screen play about the boy trapped within a futuristic jail inside his mind. All Saints are rubbish they say, and I say don't you dare insult them. Don't insult her. We each have our own talents. They didn't couldn't dress fat tourists from Minnesota to their size, and I couldn't sing...actually I think I could as a matter of fact sing in a moderately successful girl band. And I think that pushed them. It really did, because they know I can gun for their spot at any moment. JADE I think so to! My friend Maggie is a former OAOAST's women's champion, and leading interview personality, and even though I have about two months of wrestling training, and no background in communications, she knows I can do both jobs much better than she can, and I really think that pushes her. TREVOR You and I...what people see as laziness and underachivement, I see as a new age motivational technique. Before Jade has a moment to respond, Krista interjects herself in the proceedings. KRISTA Sorry to bother you, kind sir, but can I borrow my daughter. You look very lovely by the way. If you were ten years younger, and I was ten years older, and a man, and trolling for some innocent boy to sexually exploit in exchange for lavish gifts, would you be my first choice? No, but you'd certainly be in the top thirty. Krista drags Jade away from the table, pulling her closer to the bar. JADE Mom, he wasn't that bad. He did stink the stench of Real World callback reject, but I'm used to dating Pep Boys Assistant manager callback rejects, so I'm not picky. KRISTA Jade, as an interested observer who looks ravishing in white, he was c-r-appy! I can't believe I had to compliment him also. Sometimes I wish I was a repuiblican then I wouldn't have to worry about anyone's feelings, all I'd have to worry about is not getting indicted. You can do better! What about her? Jade looks towards a short woman with playful shaggy red hair that makes her look like Mary Jane from spider woman. JADE Um...she's cute, but can I try him? Jade points to a man hammering away text messages on his cellphone, while his “date” looks on incredibly bored. KRISTA Where did I go wrong? We cut to Jade sitting with the target of her interest, who keeps his blond hair short and finely gelled. His white teeth beam an errie brightness in contrast to the overwhelming darkness of the room, his all black outfit making him look somewhat like a headless figure. And the way he leans over the table is unsettlingly in its creepiness. MAN Please, tell me your name is as gorgeous as your face. Please. JADE Its Jade. MAN Jade. That's my mother's middle name. Patrica Jade Hampton. If you're anything like her you make a fantastic macaroni salad. JADE I can't really cook. MAN Just fine, just fine, you look a lot better than her. I'll you that. God don't strike me dead for saying that. Jade, lemme ask you a question, are you happy with your mortgage payments? Of course not, who the hell is? Food costs so much I'd gnaw off my own foot before I ever set it inside a Food-Lion, gas is through the sunroof and you can't sit down on the bus without sitting up HIV positive. But I am positive! Not with HIV, but positive that I can get your mortgage down to just a few easy payments every other month. You say, Tommy, you're crazy, I say my name isn't Tommy and I am crazy. Crazy with excitement over getting you a leg up over this insane topsy-turvy economy! All I need is your name, address, date of birth, bank account number and your social security number. JADE Wait....are you gonna steal my identity? MAN (to himself) Don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes, don't say yes, (to Jade) YES, YES I AM...DAMN IT! We cut away from Jade to see the door to the women's bathroom. Why are we looking at such an uninteresting sight? I'll tell you why! Because Krista steps out of the bathroom, trailed by a woman with short dark blond hair, which highlighted the lightest blue eyes ever seen. She's dressed in designer jeans, and a pink polo she's currently buttoning up. KRISTA Phoebe, you sailed right through! PHOEBE Wow! Its great that you set up breast cancer screening right in the women's bathroom. Thank you, doctor. I never knew a breast exam could be conducted with your tongue, and I went to nursing school for three years! Phoebe walks off totally oblivious to the scam just pulled on her. MOLLY Krista, are pretending to be a doctor so you can feel up innocent women in the bathroom? KRISTA (scoffing) Honey, you say it like its perverse and weird or something. MOLLY It is terribly insane! And I say that as a friend, not one of the demon voices that guides you. Jade walks onto screen, disheartened over the fact that so far the only people she's talked to want to sell her bill consolidation programs or hear about breast feeding. JADE Mom, this sucks. I wanna go home. KRISTA Honey, no, no, we can't go back home. You have got to find a cute somebody! Why don't you try that lovely hippy looking girl over there? KRISTA I'd hit on her myself, but I can't do it myself because I'm faithfully devoted to Alix, but I don't think the couple's therapist would frown on using my daughter to vicariously live my deepest lusting for some Janis Joplin/Michelle Phillips bedroom fantasies . KRISTA (cont) What are you still standing here for? JADE I'm waiting for the just kidding part and when you tell me the real reason you want me to talk to that girl. KRISTA Honey, that is the real reason. And don't come back until you have something that could resemble an episode of red shoe diaries! We cut to Jade at the table with the attractive hippy girl, wearing a name tag that reads Isabelle. Her shagged blond hair scrapes the edge of her shoulders and falls in front of a cute heart shaped face. A few rebellious strands slide across her brown eyes. Her thin lips move a mile a minute as she captures Jade's attentions with various tales of her escapades through this craaaaaazy game of life. ISABELLE I just got back from..god, where was I? New York, that's right. I was meeting with Mayor Blomberg, great guy by the way, and I was presenting on how best to implant Clearwater Sails in Manhattan to keep the water fresh and clean, and right there in the middle of the thing he offered me a spot on the Environmental Law Committee for the House of the Association of the Bar of New York. And that's a great paying job, but there are so many other causes that need me! Like, a while ago I was in San Fransisco, because they wanted to take down trees in the redwood forest for a bigger gift shop. So I just chained myself to one of the trees for three weeks. It was hard at first but then they open a Starbucks next door (she laughs). And next week I'll be in Zambia, distributing medicine to villages where normally medicine doesn't go because the infrastructure and the currency is in shambles. To me its important to be part of shaping the world. To paraphrase a quote from Jesse Jackson. “There's nothing worse than burying an irrelevant person”. I don't want to be irrelevant. But, listen to me rambling, I bet you make a difference all the time. JADE Oh, yeah, my friend Maggie, she's dating my uncle. And when she thought he might be cheating on her with her sister, I made the situation worse by suggesting something is up and never confronting my uncle about it. Um.....you never said it had to be a good difference. Awkward silence! ISABELLE Your mom has been incredibly active in environmental concerns for the longest. I remember when she gave a speech on reducing carbon emissions over the next fiscal year at the last NRDC meeting. I am an atheist, and hearing her angelic voice was like being in the heaven I don't believe in. KRISTA (O.S.) Speaking of, you are heaven in those earrings! Krista emerges onto screen and instantly Isabelle forgets all about Jade, now captivated by her stunning and famous mother. ISABELLE Oh, please, they're nothing compared to what you have on. KRISTA Perceptive, intelligent, and a pair of eyes like two inviting pools of chocolate pudding. Jade, you found yourself a winner! ISABELLE Um...Miss Duncan? I'm a huge fan. Would you sign my foreheadl? Oh, God. That sounded so dumb and desperate. (Scoffs) I-- I'm an admirer of your work. Would you sign my forehead? Jade can only shake her head and sigh as Krista actually agrees to the woman's unsual request. We cut to Jade, somehow not put off by conversing with a possible murder and an identity thief already, sitting with a woman's who's model material features- shoulder length black hair, striking green eyes, defined facial features, are perfectly heightened by the dream like atmosphere of the setting. Helpfully, Jade now wears a name tag to avoid wasting time with introductions. GIRL I am Esther, and you are Jade Rodez. JADE Phew, I kept getting worried my name tag was upside down! ESTHER It is. I'm a director at NBC, and sometimes they'll have the OAOAST on one of the TVs in the control room. So, I am gonna ask the same thing I could probably ask any thousand people I see at work do you like being on television? I like watching it, but I fear being trapped inside that tiny box for fifteen minutes and disappearing into an invisible void when commercials come on. Jade laughs. JADE Um, its not so bad. It feels a bit like a reality show sometimes, because they just document my life. But I get creative sometimes. I jump around, I make puns. I even rhyme words. It's insane....like...rain. ESTHER Look out, MC Jade in the house! I haven't been in front of a TV camera since I was a little girl. And that was because our neighbor shot his wife. It was sort of sad, but since she was dead, and he was on trial, I got to use their pool for two whole summers. That was nice. JADE You're funny! ESTHER The most talented are usually the ones behind the camera. Say, your mother, Krista, is really hot. I bet it was cool to be breast fed by her. Awkward silence part two! JADE Oh...uh...thanks? ESTHER I don't believe in fitness or working out or anything, because I don't think people should be prolonging their life in an overcrowded planet in the first place, and any physical imperfections are best dealt with by surgery or bulimia, but I own all your mother's fitness videos and watching that woman in that sports bra and those bikini bottoms...I've got abs of titanium. I could belly bump Ironman all the way back to Marvel's golden age. She is like so hot. Does she have any cats? She seems like a dog person to me. Dog people are usually more sexually spontaneous. Has she ever multiplied orgasmed from oral sex? Awkward silence part three! JADE I uh...don't know. KRISTA (O.S.) Awwww, aren't you both so cute? How are things going? ESTHER (with wide eyed admiration as Krista approaches) Krista Isadora Duncan! You're...so....wow! I love you! KRISTA I don't know you well enough to love you, I but I do know you well enough to oggle your body from afar, and I can safely say I love your tattoo. ESTHER Yeah, thanks! Its...a press on. I got it at the airport. KRISTA I once got a rub on at the air port also. or did i fondle a stewardess. Either way I made twenty bucks , and a mistress for life! ESTHER You are hilarious! I love you! Why haven't we done anything together? KRISTA Oh, honey, I just don't know! But, they are offering free breast exams in the bathroom, why don't we do that together? And away they go, leaving Jade to shake We cut to Jade in the middle of a engaging conversation with a gentlemen who's name tag reads “Tad”. He appears quite a bit older than Jade with his chiseled strong face lined with several wrinkles. He sports a brown bowl haircut, a navy suit without a tie, and a pink dress shirt. TAD What do you think of some of the guys here? Too many of 'em act like they're god's gift to bisexuals. I say only if god shops at the Newark airport. In fact if you ever just want to disprove the existence of god, visit Newark. Jade cracks up laughing. TAD You have an adorable laugh I'd love to hear it again but I have nothing funny to say. That was my joke for the night. Are you enjoying this speed dating thing? This is probably..I'd say...maybe my ninth one, one more punch on my card and I get a six inch tuna sub for half off. Again, Jade laughs. TAD They say being a movie producer is the easiest way to get a date in Hollywood. I say its the easiest way to get your desk loaded up with crappy scripts that keep you from ever making a real date! But, finally, I'm having fun. You let me vent, you're not from Newark, and you listen to my crappy jokes. Too bad in two minutes I'll have to go to someone who won't let me vent, doesn't laugh at my stupid jokes, and is probably from Newark. JADE Hey, we can go longer! If you can get away from all your work, I'd love to see you outside of a heavily controlled dating environment. We can make fun of medium sized American cities together. I'm from Grand Rapids, so I've got plenty of stories! JADE'S GETTING DEM DIGITS. HOLLA AT A PIMPETTE! But out of the corner of her eye she spots a truly unusual, truly disturbing sight, that of a man with a massive blond afro wig, a bushy fake mustache, pink platform boots, yellow bell bottoms, and a glittering gray vest with red polka dots all around it. If Jade wasn't drug free, she'd swear she was on an acid trip. Like everyone else she recoils in revulsion. But her disgust is made much worse when this creepy individual approaches her table. MAN IN AFRO (talking in Korean accent) Ooh, ooh, ooh, Jade Rodez! Is good I caught you here! Is Sum-Hung-Stud from clinic. You remember me? You forgot your ointment! JADE What? What is this? Do I know you? MAN IN AFRO Is Some-Hung-Stud! Sum-Hung-Stud! Here some pamphlets for you, you get some free samples to. Yes, yes. And you young man, if you see thick yellow discharge during sex with her, is normal, is normal side effect of syphilis and genital warts. Is nothing to worry about. Just make sure you hold match to pubic hair to burn off crabs. She has the mutant variety. JADE WHAT?!!! TAD I just remembered I have...a golf game to get to. JADE At ten o'clock at night? TAD I have golf on mars. I'm an astronaut...a golfing astronaut. JADE You'll call me though? TAD I don't have a phone. I'm a Luddite. A golfing, Luddite, astronaut. I have to go, Jade. Tad runs not only away from Jade and this strange interloper, but the entire proceedings in general. To this Jade turns an enraged eye. JADE What the heck? You better have a good explanation for this, mister! MAN IN AFRO Ah hell, thank god that idiot walked outta here. Ooooh look at me I'm a big time movie producer. Yeah, right, punk, and I'm the last page of Bridget Jones' diary. I've been spitin that line to get play since I was in PRE-K. He thinks he's a movie producer, uh-uh, I think he's a jackass! MOLLY That voice... JADE AND MOLLY Ned! NED Proof positive you don't need Cash or Bosley to get rescued like you called 911. Thank god I was hear to save you from that mind rapist. Prey on an innocent girl with lies and deceit about your movie career. Shameful. By the way, Jade did I tell you I'm starring opposite Nick Cannon and Lil Wayne in the Roots remake? JADE Wha..why...wha....where do I start?! Where do I start? MOLLY I know exactly where to start! Why ever are you dressed in that awfully awful outfit? NED I've got to do incognito! I'm famous around these here parts. JADE No you aren't. NED Yes I am! How can you explain when I was walking down the streets on the way here I had people from all walks of life pointing at me, laughing with delight at seeing me in person, some people entered a religious trance and started mumbling words like “moron, or fool, or idiot.” and others were so amazed they ended up throwing things at me as offerings. Why would that be? MOLLY Because you look absolutely awful! JADE But what are you doing here? You're supposed to be with Maya! NED She kicked me out. I'm saving you, Jade. This place with its finely muscled men, with their trust funds, their neatly gelled hair, their ripped stomachs, their six figure salaries, and the girls with their big breasts, their fancy cars, their model worthy looks, this place is hell. You and me, Jade. We're destined to be together...for the night. There's always been tight sexual tension between us. Just right now my nipples could cut diamonds. Touch them. JADE Leave! NED Touch them. JADE Mom! Krista marches over from the bar and immediately recognizes Ned. She regards him with a mixture of indignation and pity, but not so much pity that's he's going to avoid a beating. KRISTA Oh, Ned, I've only ever been 95% sure you're human, but buddy, you just dumped it back down to 90%. Out ya go. NED Wait! I'm trying to befriend your daughter! You should welcome this! You never got to know the true me, when we were hanging out. I'm somewhat of an artist. Yes. Actually I'm a bit of a chanteuse myself. I actually won a lip syncing contest in high school for stevie wonder's ebony and ivory. It really brought people of all races together. KRISTA So black kids and white kids both beat you up. Out ya go. You look like an albino Diana Ross! Grabbing onto Ned's oversize mustache, which he has foolishly super glued onto his face, Krista drags him past the awed eyes of the attendees and towards the exit. Ned continues to cry and whine, but nothing he says has any effect on Krista. With one mighty toss, she rids Ned's face of the mustache, causes him a lifetime worth of agony, and rids the establishment of his unwelcome presence. The scene cuts to the restaurant all cleared out from speed dating, with the bus boys cleaning up the remnants of the wild event. Already hungover from this shellshocking experience and dismal failure, Jade slumps over on the bar, as her mom slams down her final beer of the night. JADE Mom, I got no phone numbers. Not a one! Even the dude in a wheelchair got a number, and he was just a homeless guy who rolled into escape the sperm eating reptiles he says he saw in the streets. Did I embarrass you? KRISTA How in the world could I ever be embarrassed by you...you have a tampon in your hair. JADE Oh no! KRISTA Jade that's not even logical a trick to fall for. No, of course you didn't embarrass me. I'm proud of you! Forget just stepping outside of your comfort zone, you went to an entirely different planet than your comfort zone! And you did something that didn't come easy. And you let it be videotaped! If anything this was a gigantic success, Jade. JADE Thanks, mom. KRISTA Don't worry, we're gonna find you someone. And, hell, if we don't, we'll set you up with Molly. MOLLY Huh? What now? KRISTA You'll do what I say. We fade out and return to the SC. COLE HA! Ned really is the loser of the month! COACH Put your momma house slippers wit the back part missin and walk yo dirty ass out here son...Ned has been winnin so fuckin much I just stopped countin...now if you keep disrespectin my man son i'll grab you by your throat and judo chop your soul out of your fuckin ear. Reel talk. COMING UP NEXT ***OAOAST WORLD TITLE*** CHRISTIAN WRIGHT VS PRL NEXT

and a view of uptown brings us back to the OAOAST's flagship show. And you know what, I think some kind of rush should replace Ultimate Victory as the themesong. I shall make it so next week. What would a wrestling show be without a BACKSTAGE SEGMENT~! Well, it'd probably be more of a wrestling show, that's for sure...however that's besides the point, as our fearless camera crew are backstage to catch famed-yet-hated duo JAMES BLONDE and FAQU making their way through the inner workings of the arena, stopped dead in their tracks when Zack Malibu rounds a corner. Malibu exchanges glares with his one-time allies, who have now called out Malibu on past deeds, feeling that he's somehow affected their standing in the OAOAST. BLONDE Well, look who it is. Faqu snarls in the background, while Blonde looks over his shoulder, silently telling the big man to relax. MALIBU Funny how that works, me running into you guys tonight after what went down last week. BLONDE Yeah, funny's not really how I'd describe it, Zack. MALIBU Me either. More like unfortunate. Faqu pushes forward, but Blonde stops him, more interested in verbally sparring with The Franchise. BLONDE You think you're untouchable, don't you, Zack? You think that every day you're going to wake up and the sky's gonna be clear and blue. I've got news for you, Zack...your sky is filled with nothing but clouds, and that sun isn't gonna shine on you much longer. MALIBU That's pretty profound, James. I'm guessing you've been trying to improve on your language skills since you're doing the talking for two people now. How does that happen, anyways? Did you make him watch some of your matches from 2002 until his brain was fried? BLONDE You know, we don't have to be talking right now, while we could be... MALIBU ...while we could be settling this in the ring, I know. And that's exactly why I'm happy to run into you guys, because I just got word that you're going to get your wish, in a way. You brought up last week the night Faqu and I tore the house down, and how it "made" him. Well, he's going to get the chance that you both claim to need again. Next week, the big rematch is signed, sealed and delivered. Me and you, big man, back in that ring one on one. Faqu smiles sinisterly, grunting through his teeth. BLONDE You're kidding, right? You're happy about this? I mean, I know you're an easygoing guy, Zack, but even you can't be naive enough to think that you're going to make it out of there alive. I mean...wait, I get it. It's some type of swerve deal, right? Another Zack Malibu masterminded scheme, right? Uh uh, not this time. MALIBU You know, your paranoia is flattering, if a little unnecessary. BLONDE No, Zack, what's unnecessary is your treatment of people, people that once considered you a friend, people that were striving to be just as good as you but you couldn't even think of possibly helping someone get at your level. Now it's come full circle, now we ARE amongst the best in the world, and if you're looking forward to next week, then your the first man I've ever met who was looking forward to his funeral. Blonde and Faqu walk past, with Faqu stopping and staring down Malibu. Zack doesn't move, his eyes locked on Faqu with no signs of fear, until the Samoan savage turns and walks away. Zack watches them exit, and a smirk stretches across his face as the scene fades out. (Patty sez I think that was only the non wrestling segment that takes place in the arena!) As we return to the arena powerful shades of blue and red illumination flicker across the arena to the sound of "Hospital Beds" by Cold War Kids, as Rescue 911 respond to the emergency shortage of nice guys with well-oiled muscles! "Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital" BUFFER The following tag team match is set for one fall, with a 20 minute time-limit. Introducing first, coming to us from the OAOAST First Responders Unit! Total combined weight, four hundred and eighty five pounds... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and EMT TIM CASH... together, they are RRREEEEESSSSSCCUUUUUEEEE 9 1 1!!!!!!! Clad in his Hawaiian print shirt, Detective Bosley jaws something to the camera with his chewing gum escaping his mouth somewhere in the middle of the talking. The cameraman appreciates him missing his shoes. But doesn't appreciate so much the friendly punch in the shoulder, which leaves him with a dead arm and the camera shot oddly tilted. EMT Tim has been in the ring for a while and calmly walms up as his partner joins him. COLE Our friends from the First Responders Unit in tag team action here. COACH Which is ironic, because when I see these guys in tag team action, my first response is to change the channel. "HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!" Cheers turn to jeers as usual when "Heart-Shaped Box" begins to play. A fired-up Logan leads the way, arm in arm with wife Holly-Wood as he sounds it out with the crowd. The aura is much more civilsed behind him though. Recent Muslim convert Synth Abdul-Jabbar walks solemnly beside Abdullah Abir Nerdly, who waves a COLLECTION PLATE under the noses of the unresponsive North Carolinans. BUFFER And the opponents! COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents in association with HOLLY-WOOD the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time! The former three-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion... THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Abdullah persists with his largely empty collection plate, not noticing the large build-up of spit sloshing around inside it as he talks with Synth. COLE Hmm. Aren't collection plates usually made of wood and not metal? COACH Not the good ones. Logan slides in and twirls the deadly finger. Abdullah and Synth's pre-match prayer ritual is interrupted however as numerous OAOAST officials head out from the back. Referee Charles Robinson nods to them after talking with head official Mike Chiods and Abdullah is motioned towards the back!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT?! He hasn't even done anything yet! COLE Yet? COACH He's a man of peace! This is a hate-crime! HATE CRIIIIIIME!! COLE The man's out here with a metal collection plate in his hand, what do you expect to happen with that during a wrestling match exactly? Despite the heated protests of Holly-Wood and Logan and the attempts of spiritual reasoning by Synth, Abdullah is taken against his will to the back. The North Carolina fans wave him on his way, not all of them with all the fingers on their hand! COACH I tell you what, I'll bet you all the money in Abdullah's collection plate that AngleSault is behind this! COLE Coach, there's like $4 and a couple of spare buttons in there. COACH Still. *DINGDINGDING!* Abdullah and 'entourage' disappear behind the curtain while The Heavenly Rockers get their heads together. It's not like they're completely without guidance though with Holly-Wood still in their corner. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" Logan starts it out for the three-time champions, up against EMT Tim. With Bosley's bellowing voice spurring him on Tim locks up with Logan and jockeys for position. The two tussle back into a neutral corner where Logan ends up on top, holding up his hands innocently as he gives a clean break... or, so it seems, until he lands a short jab to the trusting EMT. Another short jab lands to the midsection. And another. Before one cracks Cash in the jaw! Offended by this abuse in the corner, Detective Bosley jumps in to take the law into his own hands. Referee Robinson cuts him off though. COLE That's not too smart on Bosley's part. Quick as a flash, Synth appears in the ring and The Heavenly Rockers shoot EMT Tim into the ropes. They duck their head for a Double Backdrop... but Tim rolls up and over the top of them! Synth and Logan regroup and link arms for a Double Clothesline. Underneath goes Cash though, before hitting the ropes himself and hooking THR down with a double Hart Attack Clothesline!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE EMT Tim Running The Lights on both Heavenly Rockers! COACH See, that wouldn't have happened if Abdullah were still out here! Quick tag to Bosley as Synth rolls to the floor. As Logan staggers to his feet, Detective Bosley torpedoes towards him as EMT Tim brings his partner in over the top with a Slingshot Shoulderblock! Cover... 1... 2... No! Logan gets whipped across by Bosley. The Detective puts his head down early though and Logan delivers a kick to the shoulder blade, then goes for a clothesline. Duck underneath by Bosley, Logan continuing on into the ropes only to get caught with a Powerslam! 1... 2... No! Having just gotten to the apron, Synth is sent back down to the arena floor by Bosley to the crowd's delight. COACH Now that was uncalled for. I hope Abdullah's found a monitor someone, so he can start drawing up an unneccessary brutality settlement. Rescue 911 make another quick tag and combine with a double whip on Logan. The MACHO Macho Mann gets hiptossed by Bosley, sitting up to be dropkicked in the face by EMT Tim! After firing his partner up Bosley leaves to allow the count... 1... 2... No! EMT Tim picks Logan back up again and wrings the arm ready for another tag... but Logan RAKES THE EYES! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tag is made, Synth running in with a clothesline to drop the temporarily blinded EMT. Synth then motions to make a move towards Bosley in the corner, but when the Detective throws up his fists ready for him the new peaceful philosophies kick in and he opts not for violence. COACH You have to admire Synth, a spiritual man such as himself isn't going to stoop to the level of a thug like Bosley. COLE Not when Bosley's looking, no. Synth applies a rear chinlock on EMT Tim, allowing him to say some prayers to above whilst doing damage to his opponent. The crowd start to rally behind Cash and try to drown out Synth's prayers. And it seems to work on both counts as EMT Tim's fist starts a-pumping. Tim fights to his feet, turning towards the praying Synth to deliver an elbow to the ribs. Synth strikes back with a knee though, then executes a swinging neckbreaker and covers... 1... 2... No! Leading EMT Tim to the corner, Synth holds him in place while Logan heads up top. A tag is made once there, not strictly legal but close enough for the referee as Logan delivers a double axehandle from up top. COLE The three-time Tag Team Champions starting to assert themselves now. Leg hooked from Logan Mann... 1... 2... Kickout! Bosley starts to pound away on the turnbuckles to get the fans back on EMT Tim's cause. Pinned in the corner, Tim is subjected to a flurry of Logan's patented short jabs all over the body. Logan then turns on his heels and shows none of his partner's inner peace as he runs Bosley off the apron! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE ... COACH *sighs* Go ahead. COLE What a heinous move from Logan Mann, honest competitors like Rescue 911 would never dream of doing something like that! The distraction caused by Bosley trying to get back in allows Logan and Synth to double-team EMT Tim in the corner. They club and kick away at him until Bosley is put back to the apron, at which point Logan executes a simple vertical suplex and covers him up... 1... 2... No! Logan tags out to Synth, who heads up top and comes down with a single axehandle across the back of EMT Tim's head on the way up. The adopted Abdul-Jabbar then gives his thanks to the Gods above for guiding him safely back to earth. "PAU - LA AB - DUL!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "PAU - LA AB - DUL!" *clap clap clapclapclap* COLE The inner peace becomes outer rage, as Synth motions wildly for the fans to "cut it out, ya'll". When they don't, he's forced to retreat to his corner with his hands over his ears with Logan taking over. COACH Is that supposed to be funny!? COLE Hey, it did it for me. Logan scoops and slams EMT Tim, coming off the ropes with a well-placed kneedrop. 1... 2... Kickout. Getting impatient, Bosley paces the apron while his partner is sent off into a neutral corner. Twirling the finger again, Logan then follows in to deliver a high knee... AND MISSES! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" With his patella bouncing off the top turnbuckle, away hobbles Logan. He still blocks the way to the Rescue 911 corner though, forcing EMT Tim to improvise and crawl through the legs to make the tag to the eager Detective! COLE All units all units, Detective Bosley is on the scene! Leaping in over the top, Bosley runs through both Logan and Synth with clotheslines before catching the lead vocalist of the greatest rock n' wrestling band of all time with a BAAAAACK bodydrop that airs out his vocal chords! Fist-pump from Bosley, then a fist to the face of the oncoming Synth! COACH That's a man of peace! You don't punch a man of peace in the face like that! COLE Looks to me like he just did, mmm-hmmm *snaps fingers* Bosley traps the reeling Logan in the corner and scales the turnbuckles... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" ...and a DIVING BACK ELBOW off the middle to Synth!! COLE Bosley is so deceptively athletic! COACH Must be all that police training he never puts into action as a Detective sat behind a desk and a family sized box of donuts all day. As Synth rolls to the floor, Logan staggers out of the corner into a GORILLA PRESS from Bosley! Logan escapes before plummeting to the mat though, landing behind the Detective and running him into the ropes with an O'Connor roll... 1... 2... HANDFUL OF TIGHTS changes the momentum puts Logan on top... 1... 2... NO! Stopping himself on the ropes Logan waits for Bosley to turn around before firing off the patented LEFT HOO... NO! Bosley ducks the left hook and takes him up for an Atomic Drop. Holly felt that one as badly as her husband, watching with a cringe as Bosley takes Logan up on his shoulders. COLE Oh look out, they're looking to Protect and Serve Logan Mann! What an upset this would be if they hit it! COACH You can say that again. Bosley holds Logan up despite the punches being rained down on him. Behind him, EMT Tim scales the turnbuckles ready to come off with the 'rana... ...but Synth draws the referee's attention from the apron, allowing HOLLY-WOOD TO SHOVE EMT TIM OFF THE TOP!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Damnit! COACH It's Holly-Wood to the rescue! Crashing into the back of his partner, EMT Tim causes a three-man pile-up in the ring. Coming out of it best is Detective Bosley, but he's clearly not aware of what happened as he looks down at his partner Cash interrogating him about what happened. Taking advantage of the situation, Logan lies in wait... *WHAM!* ...AND CONNECTS WITH THE WICKED LEFT HOOK~!!! COLE Got him with it. Logan cradles up Bosley, while Synth drags the EMT to the floor... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winners of this contest... THE HEAVENLY RRROOOOOOOCCKKEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Reunited with his loving wife Logan clearly appreciates the assist, embracing Holly-Wood with a cheeky wink. The Heavenly Rockers quickly make their escape while a still groggy Bosley sits up trying to figure out what just went down. COACH Looks like we should start calling them Miscue 911. Like that one, mister laughter? COLE What I don't like is the cheap victory The Heavenly Rockers just sneaked out. It looked like Bosley and Cash were on the verge of a major upset, until Holly-Wood sprung into action and knocked Cash off the top, right into his partner. And Logan profits from his wife's interference. COACH And now, the celebrations can begin. They're heading to find Abdullah I'm sure. There in spirit if not in person. Logan and Synth make their way to the back, while Bosley marches around the ring angry at what just went down. COACH Let this be a lesson to Anglesault! You can't fight destiny! Try all ya want to stack the deck in your favor, dawg, but fate gonna get you in the end! Trust to that, homie! Trust! COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT SPEED DATING! NEXT

Here we see the queen city at night time, nicknamed as such to pay honor to Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg, who had become queen consort of King George III the year before the city's founding. And current queen of pop Leona Lewis sings us back to HD with Better In Time COLE Earlier this week, I was lucky enough to get backstage access with The Love Doctors... COACH Really? Wow, I'm so pleased for you man, after all these years of admiring looks across the announce desk and all that sexual tension, it finally happened for you! COLE (casting a sideways look to Coach) ...backstage access on the set of The Love Line, Dr. Pigley's local Chicago radio show. COACH Oh. Man, don't sweat it, it'll happen for you one day. COLE *sighs* This is what happened. ~~~~~~~~ With the distant sound of everyday hustle and bustle in the background our OAOAST.com cameras pan down the street and settle on an establishing shot of the outside of the KWCR building in Chicago, Illinois. Inside we then go to find The Love Doctors mingling in the building's green room. Straight from a shift at Windy City Hospital, Dr. Anderson wears his trademark monogrammed lab coat over purple scrubs. Dr. Pigley is a lot more casual though in black slacks and a purple button up shirt. Pigley's conversation with his unknown friend ends with a laugh and a handshake, the guy who is presumably another radio presenter then disappearing while Pigley finally notices the cameras. COLE Guys, good to see you. How's it going? Handshakes greet Michael Cole as he steps into shot. PIGLEY Welcome to Chicago pal. And, welcome to my second job. ANDERSON Uh... wouldn't it be third, Steve? Doctor, wrestler, radio presenter. PIGLEY Actually it goes 'wrestler, radio presenter, doctor'. COLE So, Dr. Pigley, Dr. Anderson, we're here today of course to talk about The Love Line. PIGLEY Every Wednesday evening at 7PM across Chicago radio. There's a plug. Anyway, it's my pleasure to give our great OAOAST fans a special behind the scenes look at the show. This new calling in my life has been a tremendous honour. To use my background as doctor and my experience in relationship matters to help the wider public over those three hours, it feels good. And I'm so proud of this new calling, I really wanted to give The Love Doctors' OAOAST fans a special look at what happens behind the microphone. COLE Well, by my watch it's 35 minutes to airtime, so let's get right to it shall we? This is KWCR 95.6! #radio!# KWCR! Chicago radio We now find ourselves in the recording booth with our trio, Pigley casting a hand over his desk which is littered with papers, stationary, an empty coffee cup and lots of other miscellaneous clutter. PIGLEY This is where the magic happens. COLE So, how about you tell everyone a little more about the show? PIGLEY Well, each and every week I open up the airwaves to the people of Chicago, and thanks to the magic of the digital age even those beyond the Illinois area on occassion, to those in need of relationship advice. We also talk love in general. How to be more successful with the opposite sex, what not to do on that crucial first date, . Don't be mistaken in thinking it's gratuitious. It's not all about sex. Of course, we do deal with that because sex is an important part of life. But it's about all aspects of relationships. Courting, dating, we even talk about certain medical problems with my doctorate background. And we help a lot of people. Across the Second City *briiiiiiiiing* KWCR is where it's at We discuss all the topics... "Hey, wha'dya'll think about that then?" AAAAWWWWW YEAH~! KWCR radio! Dr. Pigley is in his seat doing last sound checks for the show with airtime rapidly approaching, so Cole and Dr. Anderson have retreated to the sound booth, looking in. COLE So, what do you think about your partner's new venture? ANDERSON I'm delighted for him. Some people would probably assume I'd be jealous... and, yeah, since the radio show's come along Steven has been getting a little more attention from the ladies. But I'm delighted to see him doing so well. It's a little new to us, to have one of us gaining success in a solo venture. Me and Steven are great colleagues in the ring and in the ER. But we're also great friends. COLE And the show? ANDERSON Yeah, I think he's doing a good job. The response seems to have been really strong and like Steven said, the show really helps people out. It's a great way to use his training as a doctor to reach people. It's not one of those annoying radio shows that's all boring small-talk and inane sound-bites, you know? #Ninety five point siiiiiiiiiix# Turn it on! "Gimme the Love Line, ooooohhh" Relationship advice that money can't buy *CHA-CHING!* On the radio! "HEY! HEY! HEY LADIIIEEES!" Only on KWCR. 95.6!! With Dr. Pigley OINK OINK #95.6!# PIGLEY (in finest radio voice) Gooood evening you're listening to KWCR 95.6, local Chicago-land area radio and The Love Doctor is in from now until ten o'clock to give you The Love Line. This week we'll be telling you the top ten surefire pick-up lines that'll ensure your weekend is an eventful one. To all the ladies listening, help is at hand. We've got Bruce Willis, you've got Steven Pigley... what do men really want? We'll tell you later on. And we want to hear your calls! If you've got a matter of the heart you need to discuss, get yourself on the line and The Love Doctor will see you. For the loved up and the lovelorn alike, I'll give you the advice you need in the next three hours. Pigley clicks around on his computer screen a little. PIGLEY So without any further ado, let's dive into the phone-lines. Our first caller is a 'Margaret' and she's calling from way out in Charlotte, North Carolina. Margaret, the doctor will see you now. MARGARET (sounding strangely familiar) Uh... hey, yeah... whassup Doc? PIGLEY Okay Margaret you're live on the air, what's your problem? MARGARET Well, see me and my boyfriend yeah, we've been together for a few months now and when we first started dating everything was vegan kosher. He's a super sweet guy and everything he did was so romantic. Moonlight walks. Candlelit dinners. Nights under the stars. He bought me a new lamp when he broke it. We joked he was the 'light of my life', although I'm not real sure where that name came from. But just recently we've been hanging out less and less and it's always real tense, because we've got a lotta mutual friends so we kinda see each other without actually, you know, seeing each other. PIGLEY Is this a work romance? MARGARET Well if you can really call it work, suresies. Anyway, normally I ain't sweating it because guys blow hot and cold sometimes, I figure that's nothing to worry about. But this is different. See, now I got my sister in the picture and they're becoming close friends, or at least that's what they say. The further away we get, the closer they get. Ya know, I don't think it's crazy to read into it that that probably ain't no happy coincidence. I think there's something more going on and I'm not the only one. Anyway, I guess I'm calling to ask your advice about what to do about that. Do I go militant and call they asses out or what? Dr. Pigley takes a curious look over to the sound booth, to see if Dr. Anderson and Michael Cole are thinking what he's thinking. Judging from their look, they are. PIGLEY Okay Margaret, so you and your boyfriend... what did you say his name was? MARGARET It's... uh... it's Deon. Crap, that's not ver... yeah, yeah, Deon. Yeah. Taking a sip of his now filled coffee cup, Pigley smiles a little wry smile. PIGLEY Well I think the best thing for you to do, Margaret, is tread carefully. Unless you have actual proof that something is going on and from what you're saying I'm assuming you don't, you could well be reading too much into things and cause problems where there are none. MARGARET So, if I already maybe confronted my sister about it and got into a huge fight about it, that'd be not neccessarily cool is what you're saying? PIGLEY Margaret, I don't think your sister is neccessarily the issue. Perhaps you're looking at your sister as a source of blame for existing relationship problems or doubts you may have. MARGARET But see here's the skinny, me and... uh, Deon... we don't HAVE any other relationship problems. The only problem is, he seems to care more about my sister than me sometimes. Oftentimes. Toomanytimes. Ya know, it's not like I've got a problem with them being friends or anything like that. I'm not a psycho protective kinda girl, unless somebody steps up and tests me, then you better believe it's on. PIGLEY Yet you sound very insecure, if you don't mind me saying so. Is there anything else about your boyfriend that makes you think he may stray that you haven't mentioned? MARGARET Nope. PIGLEY No past occupations, maybe? MARGARET Nothing unusual. PIGLEY Okay. Interesting. *sips coffee* Well Margaret, it's only natural to feel threatened by a close relationship formed by a loved one. Especially with someone so close as your own sister. I don't want you to feel 'crazy' for worrying. But, you need to understand that Deon having friends is not a threat to your relationship. Be they male or female. You can't see your relationship as an 'exclusive right' to his heart. The best thing for you to do is to sit down and talk with him. Clear the air and talk about your concerns that you're not seeing enough of each other, without sighting your sister as a reason. If he's really spending more time with her than you're comfortable with, try and think what it is that your boyfriend may be getting from his friendship with your sister that he's not getting from you. It may be something you can work on, more likely it will be something you're completely comfortable with. Trust your sister and trust your boyfriend. If you can't find it in yourself to do that, then clearly there's a deeper problem. MARGARET That simple? PIGLEY My guess is, he confides in her because he feels he can't talk openly to you. Maybe he has a problem communicating with those closest to him. Or, maybe he senses your anxities and is being pushed away by them. Try to be more understanding, more patient. And hopefully your worries will prove harmless. MARGARET Okay, I'll give it a try. Can you play 'Sunshine Of Your Love'? PIGLEY Uh, we don't actually play music on the show. MARGARET Gotcha. Well, smell ya later then. PIGLEY Okay folks, that was Margaret from Charlotte, teaching us all a valuable lesson in trust. We'll be right back with more of your calls after these words from our sponsors. ~~~~~~~~ Back to the arena. COLE Fair to say we got more than we bargained for with that piece. Very revealing. COACH Dude, all he did was show you his desk and his collection of half-chewed pens. COLE I meant the caller. COACH Oh yeah. You know Mikey, I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I've gotten to know so many women in my time, but that voice sounded kinda familiar. Strange. Like, maybe it was a voice that I should recognise or something? COLE Go figure. Well, while your brain catches the rest of the world's population up, we'll go to... COACH Woah woah woah! Wait a sec. You don't think that 'Margaret' could have been, like, a codename for Maggie do you!? As in Maggie Nerdly! COLE *slaps forehead* Well done. COMING UP NEXT RESCUE 911 VS THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS NEXT LATER TONIGHT SPEED DATING WITH JADE AND KRISTA WORLD TITLE: PRL VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT LATER!

Apparently The Bank of America corporate center (far left) is the tallest building between ATL and Philly. Aim small that's what I say. While you plot a Fight Club level bombing to liberate us from our credit induced hell, please enjoy Duffy's Mercy We return with a view on sofa central and the arena engulfed by vibrant and steady purple lights. The purple is dominant taking over the screen and muting most contrasting colours. COLE Well, Biff was scheduled to do battle with Tyler Bryant of D*LUX tonight here in Charlotte, but that wacky Biff decided that match actually presented a threat to his life and refused to do it! Interestingly Biff didn't mention to the office that he created this entire situation with his behavior this past Syndicated. COACH Slow it down, son. Biff didn't have nothing to do with it, that was all The Disco Duck, and thank god someone finally had the courage to stand up to that bully Krista through an assault on D*LUX! COLE That was more then just an assault! That was Vinny Valentine taking a Disco Ball to both of D*LUX after Clem Buzzlefoxer, all of ninety years old, fell asleep in the middle of the match! In the middle of the match! In my opinion, Vinny Valentine would be best served suffering Krista's mocking with quiet dignity. Because he's only going to make things worse! Well, anyway, Anglesault decided to keep Biff in action tonight against Blue Nino of Los Anerexios, and if your familiar with that name, then you know The Love Generation used the disguise of Los Ninos Anerexio to trick The Enterprise and win the six man titles from them last year. I don't want to give anything away, but frankly you're a moron if you don't think one of D*LUX is beneath that costume! And Biff fits the qualifications of moron. COACH Anglesault up to his old shady tricks. You ain't never gonna see him treat Leon Rodez like that. Of course he wouldn't the whole Nino deal is Leon's crazy ass scheme! You think Gary Bettman would let Sidney Crosby dress as Slava Kozlov, and then halfway through the game say surprise its me Sidney! Hell naw! Silence. Total silence. That's what welcomes Biff Atlas' appearance on HeldDOWN. Its not the crowd who's quiet, as they pepper him with taunts and boos. The silence comes from the speakers which feature absolutely no entrance music whatsoever. This due to to the fact hat paranoid Biff fears such raucous music may wreak havoc on his ear drums. This only serves to amplify the fans' hatered, which might normally alarm Biff if it weren't for the fact that he's surrounded by two guards decked out in full riot gear. COACH HAHAHA! I happen to know for a fact, that's a security force provided with the generosity of Mister Moneymaker to help protect Biff against any kind of D*LUX trickery, and Anglesault's crap ass management. Moneymaker gets down with the get down! This is a dude who's lookin out for the big guy and the little guy. COLE The most he could afford is two people? COACH He could afford the entire CIA. But these guys are ex-KGB agents, I bet. They'd kill D*LUX with a stare. Kill em dead! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of ten minutes, now making his way to the ring from Venice, California, he weighes two hundred twenty five pounds, BIFF ATLAS! Biff carefully measures his procession up the ring steps, so as not to trip and fall, before he makes a slow and deliberate entrance into the ring. There he keeps a good distance away from his foe, a luchadore dressed in a drab blue costume. BUFFER And the opponent from Hollywood USA, BLUE NINO! Nothing if not health conscious, Biff presents an Immunization form to his odd rival, requesting a doctor's signature before he'll engage in any sort of combat. Obviously this could drag what should be a three minute match into three days, because what doctor works on the weekend. Thusly referee Billy Silverman demands Biff silence his qualms and fight. Though unhappy, Atlas improvises and puts on a surgeon's mask to shield himself from these mythical viruses. Once he's done groaning over Biff's stupidity, Silverman calls for the bell. DING DING DING No immunization on this planet could protect Biff from the leg lariat his foe knocks him down with. After hitting the mat with a rough thud, Atlas gets back up, only to be battered by a wave of over hand chops. The attacks push Biff into the ropes, where he makes a desperate plea for his security force to come save him. Onto the ring apron they leap, menacingly brandishing their batons at Blue Nino. However, their target is non pulsed and casually throws Biff to the opposite end of the ring. He lowers his masked head, which leaves him open to any number of attacks. Biff, however, is too busy fretting over the lack of give in the ring ropes, and carries his testicles right into Blue Nino's skull! “OOOOOOOH!” the fans recoil as Biff hollers in searing agony. COLE Drop a dime to OSHAA on that one, ya dupe! Blue Nino grabs onto Biff's arm and twists him around like a hurricane before finally arm dragging him over! Atlas bounces off the giveless canvas, dizzed and on the verge of vomiting. Fortunately, Biff remembered to bring a vomit bag with him and pulls it out of his pants pocket. However, its difficult to set up a barf bag, when a supposedly anorexic two hundred pounder is slamming a dropkick into your chest. Left even more nauseous then before Biff is shoved into the corner posts, where he makes a mental note to petition for wider pads so as to better disperse the impact against the back. As usual Biff's foibles cost him dearly, Nino strides across the ring and slams a knee into his jaw! Before he sags to the ground and croaks in misery, Biff makes a weak signal for his security force to aid him. Drawing boos from the audience, they make moves to aid him but Nino warns them off with patented jobber fist shaking! That'll tell them! That and the twenty five dollar check you got for this match! COACH These guys better not let anything happen to Biff! He's under the Moneymaker protection program! COLE Yeah, and it only cost his soul and ability for free thought. COACH Price well worth it. Biff rises off the canvas, ready to finally mount a moment of offense. This moment may not come soon as he's trapped into a front facelock by Nino. However a brief struggle wins Biff his freedom. Freedom he uses to wisely run away. Oblivious to his current surroundings, the cowardly safety nut runs into the ropes and is bounced back to Nino who nearly slices his head off with a flying lariat! Biff is spared decapitation but can't avoid a rather horrible landing on the mat. COLE And there's a D*LUX special, the flying clothesline! COACH Yo, its fitting one of these clowns is gonna dress as a blue nino because they be getting blue balls everytime they forget Krista's a dyke and she shuts down they advances. CLAK CLAK CLAK! Wringing out the arm of the whimpering ex-environmentalist, Nino drags him upright. However, Biff finally displays some competency as he drives his knee into his foe's gut. This gains a tepid round of applause from the security guards, which is met with a comically enthusiastic thumbs up from Biff. Biff then sends that thumb flying straight towards Nino's eye hole, but the suspected D*LUX member rolls through the cheapshot. He pops back to his feet and rushes Atlas, who launches an elbow in his defense. But, Nino dives to Atla's side, catches onto his inner thigh and rolls him up for a pinfall... ONE TWO But, Atlas gets his shoulder off the canvas. Biff scurries back to his feet, and throws Nino across the ring. Biff takes a moment to adjust his pocket protector to industry standards, and then charges full speed ahead only to slam into a brick wall in the form of a leaping side kick. Riddled groggy by such a thunderous assault, Biff staggers to his corner to tag Flex into the match. Only Flex was fired ten months ago! COLE If this is the kind of person Moneymaker has on his side, then... COACH Mister Moneymaker is not an intellectual snob! As Biffy starts to realize he no longer has a tag partner to hold his hand, he continues to staggering across the ring. But he's soon put down by a beautiful springboard crossbody block from the masked superstar! As the fans root this oversized smurf on, he begins smashing his fist into Biff's face. Not exactly one for valiant defiance, Atlas merely covers up and pleads for mercy. COLE Biff got out of his feud with The Love Doctors with his health intact and an actual victory, but I don't think he's going to be so lucky here with D*LUX! Nursing a now bleeding mouth, Biff tries to not only scamper out of the ring, but out of the arena, the city, state, the country, and the entire continent. Unfortunately, he gets about as far as the ropes before Blue Nino roughly hauls him upright. The former bodybuilder pleads for some manner of mercy, but these cries are wasted and he's launched into the ropes. As he rebounds towards Nino he flies forward with a forearm. Yet the fast moving legs of his rival cut his efforts to shreds with an axe kick. In celebration of his ability to lift his legs and move them as well, Nino does a little jig. COACH Which D*LUX boy do you think is beneath that mask? I'm going to guess the one with a vagina. Still under the illusion that he may someday be able to win a match, Biff battles to his feet. Yet no sooner then one second after standing is he locked into a rear waistlock! But he speedily surprises the over confident Nino with a standing switch. Sensing a window of opportunity, he charges he and his victim to the ropes in hopes of securing a rollup. But like so many things in Dos' life , this is an utter failure. Nino simply hooks his arms around the ropes, causing Biff to comically tumble backwards. But the resilient brawler hops to his feet and dashes towards the masked brawler. Nino greets his charge by dipping low and flipping him over the ropes! In what can only be described as an act of numerous gods, Biffy lands on his loafers! This same footwear scampers to the top rope in a daring tossing of caution to the wind! Biff is rewarded for his minuscule risk tasking when he nails Nino right between the eyes with an axe handle smash! However, the blue bomber shrugs aside the blow to stun Biff with a small package! ONE! TWO! But mere nanoseconds away from Biff's inevitable defeat, one of the security guards swipes at Silverman's shoe. The minor infraction is enough to capture Silverman's attention and ruin the fall. COLE The security force earning what has to be a a huge paycheck. What is Moneymaker thinking spending money on Biff Atlas? Biff Atlas! Just run a hundred bucks through a paper shredder! COACH Mister Moneymaker don't neglect the sick and infirm. He helps them, lifts them up. Like love. Mister Moneymaker lifts us up where we belong. As the fans jeer the security guards, LA's least favorite son drags his rival off the canvas by the straps of his plain mask. He slashes a pair of knife edge chops into his chest, weakening the man enough to attempt an irish whip. But, Nino foils these efforts, by using his strength to reverse the hold. Instead of sending Biff on a trip to the cables, he draws him forward and spikes his knee into his midsection. Immediately, Dos is doubled over in agony, and a wealth of “shoots”, “darns”, and “shucks” spill from his mouth. He'd like to force his battered body upright to put himself on equal footing with his rival, but his movement is hindered by the fact that his arms are being pinned between his adversary's. COLE I sense a Recordbreaking move! Right as Nino begins twisting Biff around, does the safety expert begin using his impressive strength to power out the hold. Despite Nino's many efforts to keep him within his grasp, Atlas manages to force his way free of the lethal hold. He makes good use of his freedom by smacking Nino in the face with two hard right crosses. With Nino wobbling on his weakened knees, Biff launches his leg into a roundhouse that connects brutally with Nino's head. His neck snaps back in forth in sickeningly violent fashion, before his lifeless body capsizes to the canvas. Though the audience couldn't care less, the security guards give Biff a hearty round of applause. COACH He calls that Dangerous Goods! Which is a safety term to describe hazardous materials. COLE Thank you Centre for Occupational Health and Safety . Stunned that he was actually able to utilize an offensive attack, never mind such a deadly one, Biff has to pause for the moment and soak in his achievement. Soon enough, wrestler's instinct settles in, and he drops down onto Nino for a pinfall! As Silverman counts, Biff smiles as though he just won a house on the moon. ONE! TWO! THREE!! Biff immediately dismounts Blue Nino, and throws his hands into the air in enormous jubilation. Joyful tears pour flow across his trembling face, making him an easy target of boos from a crowd that already can't stomach the mere sight of him. BUFFER Your winner....BIFF ATLAS! COLE Wow! Biff Atlas, beating what we can only presume is one of D*LUX. That makes two wins over the three time HI-YAH tag team champions. And that is shocking to say the least. COACH Ain't nothing shocking about it, b. Yo, take a look the security guards are helping Biffy celebrate the good times! Indeed theyare, raising Biff's arms into the air, and wildly shaking them to further heighten his feelings of glee. He continues to smile and chuckle in the face of a groaning audience. What should he care how the fans feel? He has his victory, avoided D*LUX's wrath, and friends to celebrate with even if they're being paid to celebrate with him. DOUBLE SUPERKICK FROM THE SECURITY GUARDS COACH Damn! What the hell? Just the image of Biff lying motionless on the canvas is enough to pop the sold out arena. The cheers when the guards slowly begin removing their helmets is even louder and more overjoyed. COLE What is this? ”YEAAAAAA!” Gone is the bulky heagear, and in its places are the smirking faces of the teen screams Tyler Bryant and Shayne Brave! ”D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” chant the fans who are every bit as shocked as the semi-conscious Biff. COLE D*LUX got Biff after all! Hit me baby one more time! Way to go, boys! COACH That ain't hood! That ain't hood! On second thought getting beat down by the cops is hood. The beloved duo trades high fives above Biff's fallen corpse, as the crowd continues to sing their name. They then scale the turnbuckles, pumping their fists, beating their chests, and bringing the fans to even higher levels of excited happiness. COLE All of Theodore Moneymaker's cash, down the drain! And Biff Atlas down the mat where he belongs! COACH How much you wanna bet Anglesault's behind putting D*LUX in the place of Moneymaker's security force! His power hungry and hoish ways is claimin the lives of the innocent as well as quality television shows like Reel Talk. That's why he's the loser of the month. I hope that fool get crotch rot. Naw, I hope that fool finally get fired. Tired of this man. Tired, tired, tired! AS you tender lipped hoe i outta drag your bitch ass by your chest hair cross the street infront of your father and have you pick daisies in a hooker skirt infront of him and say "POPS I'm just like you, I'M SOMEBODY"S BITCH" LATER ***OAOAST WORLD TITLE*** CHRISTIAN WRIGHT VS PRL LATER

Were you aware that James Polk was born in Charlotte? Of course you weren't, and so a lovely image of this prime tourist destination welcomes us back to HD along with Adele's Chasing Pavement If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah The Enterprise presents... In association with the OAOAST and TSM "BOOOOOOOOO *canned applause* OOOOOOOOOOO!" BIKINI CLAD BARMAIDS hand Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard their drinks at the bar, and then it’s down the side ramp steps and into the psychedelic lounge area erected next to the main stage. Special Guest Stars… MR. DICK & MALAYSIA "Reel Talk is filmed before a live audience." Executive Producer/Creator Simon Singleton Co-Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly Seated on the couch, the Blonds admire the newly christen Bang-A-Broad 6900 scrolling LED screen which up-to-date total reads: NED BLANCHARD - CHASING CHAMBERLAIN 2,365 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 55 from 5 weeks ago NED Except no imitations. *cough*TheLoveShack/LoveLine*cough* The mindfuck known as Reel Talk is back live and in living color. He is the mind and I am the fuck, your humble and not to mention very sexy host, “The Handsome Hustler” Ned Blanchard. SIMON And riding shotgun, another blond with a penchant for fun… SIMON S-S-S-SINGLETON! "BOOOOOOOOO *canned applause* OOOOOOOOOOO!" SIMON Aw, shucks, you people are too kind. You know Neddy, baby, with tons of stuff going on in the world there’s no shortage of topics for us to discuss tonight. From politics… NED The Colonel’s still praising Allah for guiding his fellow brother one step closer to the highest office in the land. SIMON …to the Christ Air Express dropping a challenge to the Enterprise via their sister‘s MySpace page. NED Pathetic. What’s next, mommy phoning OAOAST headquarters to inform them her baby boys have a bad tummy ache and won’t be there to receive the ass kicking of a lifetime? SIMON But nothing intrigues me more than the Bang-A-Broad 6900. Job well done on a swell name, old chum. I can’t keep my eyes off that fancy little number. NED I just don’t stimulate women, I stimulate the economy too! Who else on the roster or known to man for that matter can say the same? SIMON Hmm…can’t really think of anybody. NED Nobody that’s why. But the Bang-A-Broad 6900 isn’t the only new feature on the show. SIMON It’s not?! NED What do you mean it’s not? You came up with the idea. SIMON I know. I was only adding a little showmanship. NED Ah, you wily bastard. SIMON NED (clears throat) As I was saying, we have another new feature for you this week. Something we call LOSER OF THE MONTH. And boy did we REEL in a big fish, the biggest of them all in fact. For a variety of reasons, including but not limited to arrogance and impotence… SIMON Uh, you mean incompetence. NED That’s what I said. My Texas accent must‘ve thrown you off. SIMON No, you clearly said impotence. There’s a difference between that and incompetence. NED What, you a teacher or something now? You gonna be correcting me from here on out? SIMON Well, no. I… NED Then shut your yap, son. I ain’t no retard. I mean, Jesus Christ. Anyway, the first ever recipient of Reel Talk’s Loser of the Month for May 2008 goes to the leader of the OAOAST… REEL TALK LOSER OF THE MONTH MAY 2008 ANGLESAULT OAOAST Head Honcho The Blonds raise their glasses and Anglesault. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Listen, Cole. That sound you hear is Anglesault’s popularity plummeting. COLE Are the Beverly Hills Blonds tempting fate or what? They’ve got a lot of nerve talking smack about the most powerful figure in all of parody e-fed entertainment. SIMON Congratulations, boss. Unfortunately however, like all future winners, you won’t be receiving a plaque because winning this “honor” deserves NONE! “AN-GLE-SAULT!” “AN-GLE-SAULT!” “AN-GLE-SAULT!” NED Cheer the dictator all you want. They all fall at some point and Anglesault won’t be any exception. SIMON Now then, our guest this week is the man who on Sunday, June 29 at the Great Angle Bash will send Baron Windels back home with two black eyes and his tail between his legs. Accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA. He ain’t a prick, he’s just a dick. Crank up the music for “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 Who wears short shorts? Mr. Dick wears short shorts, lime green ones along with a white tank top, cowboy hat and red shoes. * CR-R-R-ACK * Malaysia makes her presence known by cracking her whip, causing the Blonds to jump back a few feet. NED Mighty impressive gal you got by your side now, my man. She can crush my pelvis with her thighs anytime. Malaysia cracks her whip again, then grabs Ned rough by the hair. Simon unsure what to do. MR. DICK That’s where your wrong, Ned. She’s not a gal…she’s the most dominant female in OAOAST history. She does who she wants when she wants. Case in point: the OAOAST Women’s Championship. Here you had a couple of bimbos fighting over the prize in the Cracker Jack box, Leon Rodez, and not the Women’s title. So Malaysia went in and took what she wanted in DOMINATE fashion! Malaysia lets Ned go. Slightly aroused by her domination Ned cracks a smile. NED Sweetheart, you can crush my pelvis with your thighs anytime. SIMON Um, getting back on track here. Mr. Dick, why don’t you tell the world how bad you’re going to kick Baron Windels’ ass at the Great Angle Bash. MR. DICK I’m gonna kick it REEL bad. NED (laughing) Love the pun, man. Love it as much as your theme music. It’s a song I can relate to. MR. DICK And it’s one Baron Windels can’t. Because a man who attacks another man from behind is no man. I let Baron know face to face I was through carrying his ass and I’m portrayed as a dick in the press, but he blindsides me during an important match live on pay-per-view and it’s the hero returning home to see justice is served. BULLSHIT! Instead of being a man about it Baron got all emo and shit. Something he probably picked up from Melody because the Baron Windels I knew before had some balls in him, albeit hidden somewhere in his pussy. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” In the background, a couple of stage hands begin to remove small objects from the set -- a lava lamp, photos of various celebrities hanging on the wall. NED (whispering to stage hands) Hey jackasses, we’re rolling. Shoo. Shoo! Ned looks off-camera and signals for CPA to take care of the problem. MR. DICK Here we stand tonight, a couple of weeks away from a showdown at the Great Angle Bash. Baron Windels is going town to town telling anyone who’ll listen he’s going to beat some sense into me. We’ll see about that, big fella. I know you better than anybody else and vice versa. But I have something you don’t and that’s the most dominating female in OAOAST history, the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, Malaysia. Who do you have? Melody? Please. The fans? Give me a break. And you’ll need a break to find a way to beat me. Now the stage hands begin removing full pieces of the set, starting with the bar, including the bikini clad barmaids who are escorted away by OAOAST security. SIMON What’s going on here? NED Yeah, what is this shit? CPA, what the hell, man? CPA walks onto the set with a letter that he hands over. Simon and Ned’s jaws drop after reading the letter. SIMON CANCELED?! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH COLE Oh, my! NED We’re being ribbed, right? SIMON (laughs) Yeah, that’s it. That’s gotta be it. I bet Ashton’s all behind this. Ok, Ashton, you got us. We’re the Beverly Hills Blonds and we just got Punk’d. NED Come out and take a bow you son of a bitch. You had me fooled. Somebody comes out all right, but it’s not GI Jane’s husband. It’s TERRY TAYLOR. MR. DICK Well COCK-A-DOODLE DO. Look who it is. The Red Rooster himself. Beat it Taylor. There’s only room for one cock in this henhouse. TERRY Jock, I suggest you and Malaysia head on backstage. I got some business to take care of here. Thanks for coming on the show. Mr. Dick shrugs his shoulders and exits. SIMON That’s our line! NED It’s our line, but you’re damn right, we got some business to take care of. You guys start tearing down our set before the show is over. What gives? TERRY Sorry guys, you had a great run but it’s over. Reel Talk’s been canceled. Boss’s decision. SIMON Boss’s decision? I can’t believe Anglesault is so petty he’d cancel one of the hottest segments on the show in retaliation. This is why so many before us have been afraid to speak up against his tyranny. Well we’re not gonna take it. No, we ain’t gonna take it. We’re not gonna take it anymore! Right Ned? Ned? TERRY Holy… Get him down from there! We look up in the sky. It’s a bird. No, it’s the penis-copter. No, it’s Ned Blanchard scaling the Bang-A-Broad 6900 to manually round up the total to 20,001, setting off fireworks and balloons from the ceiling as the board surpasses the magic number of 20,000. COACH History’s been made, Cole. Ned Blanchard has done the impossible. He’s broken the seemingly untouchable record of sleeping with more than 20,000 women that Wilt Chamberlain held for so many years. COLE Ned is yanked down by security, who then get into with CPA as he takes exception to their handling of the Handsome Hustler. On the orders of Terry Taylor security escort CPA and the Blonds backstage. COLE Oh, yeah. I think we just found ourselves June 2008’s LOSERS of the Month, the Beverly Hills Blonds for being canceled live on air! COACH Have you no compassion for two men who just lost their jobs? Television hasn’t seen a darker day since the cancellation of The Magic Hour years ago. The shouting match continues as we cut away to… LATER TONIGHT YOUR ON THE LINE WITH DR.PIGLEY LOVELINE THAT IS LATER ALSO LATER THEY GROW UP SO FAST SPEED DATING WITH JADE AND KRISTA LATER

On a real level Fuck Everyone who gets "no ice" in their soda at BK when theres free refills this irritates me to no end...happened again today. if it gets watered down from the ice, throw the shit out and get more. if you think you get more w/o ice, get a free refill. damn, should we kill these dudes??