Patty O'Green

authentic discourse right here, this show def won't be up until friday, because as always the staples center and the LWO movement beckons

Brought to you by American Express Taped: June 6th 2008 First air date: June 7yh, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan An OAOAST show without a single Nerdly present? Check off another sign of the impending extinction of the human race! How the OAOAST would fair without its favorite family of hot blonds , stereotypical Muslims, and stoner twins, was anyone's guess. And if you guessed “very poorly”, well read on, my correct guesser, read on! ***Mad Cappa Vs Waldo W/Mariano*** Early on, Waldo showed none of the glaring incompetencies that doomed his team to the quickest loss in AM history, working Cappa over with simple snapmares and arm drags. Though the moves did little in the way of damage, they at least built some confidence for the New Yorker . However, that confidence was quickly blown to bits when Waldo had a simple vertical suplex reversed into a devastating brainbuster! At that point it was all Cappa, who beat his foe across the ring with a mixture of punches and suplexes. Things looked to return towards Waldo's favor when Mariano lept onto the apron, only to have Cappa casually swatted him away. This allowed Waldo to stun the DC native with a school boy that nearly got three. After Cappa kicked out, the rivals traded blows, with Waldo earning the upperhand with a blatant kick to the testicles. With Cappa seemingly stunned by the dirty play, Waldo quickly foisted him onto his shoulders for a dominator. But, Cappa slipped out, causing Waldo great panic and alarm. His fears were well founded, as Cappa booted him in the gut and nailed him with the BUST A CAP (Stunner). Although Waldo was clearly put down by that deadly finisher, Cappa added icing to the cake with the Walls of Cappa (Walls of Jericho). Winner: Mad Cappa via submission Biff Atlas is Holding Down the Vote, are you??? That's right, the OAOAST's resident safety expert has dedicated himself to filling his brain with the knowledge needed to make the right choice at the ballot box this November. That explains why we saw Biff's eyes locked onto a computer screen as he researched where the candidates stood on the greatest issue facing the American public: High school hall monitors; two term limits causing too much corruption? Needless to say Biff found absolutely zilch on this pressing topic, which is why the intrusion from his (only) friend Vinny Valentine wasn't so upsetting. Valentine was still heated over the humiliating loss to Krista and D*LUX two weeks ago, and expressed how “majorly bogus” it was that Krista was able to so easily demean he and his partners. Having heard these complaints from almost everyone on the roster, Biff casually told Vinny to take a number. Biff said Krista belittles and verbally assassinates everyone she comes across, and the only safe and smart and safe thing to do is get on her side ASAP. Valentine was incredulous at that idea, because unlike “these panty wastes, Vinny V ain't sellin out like that, daddy.” Biff was still unmoved by Vinny's stubbornness, and informed his buddy the only way you could ever avoid Krista's scathing heat killing wit is if you could somehow make her a mute. Vinny thought that was an absolutely brilliant idea. Ignoring Biff's cries that crossing someone with their own star on the walk of fame would be unbelievably hazardous to their ability to earn a meager restitution for their crappy jobs, Valentine said he was going to “clam up Krista's piehole for all the chicken wuss squares too cowardly to do the dirty deed. And you're gonna help, daddy!” Vinny told Biff that they had to start by making an example out Krista's admirers in D*LUX, and they were going to do it tonight. Sick over the prospects of what's destined to result in spectacular failure (and possibly their release from the company!), Biff fell over and curled into a fetal position and wept silently. Backstage Tony Brannigan caught up with Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont to get their thoughts on the continuing feud of Anglesault Versus Moneymaker. Brannigan reminded viewers that Strutter and Lamont, along with others, have expressed support for Moneymaker's cause over the last several weeks. What T-Bod wanted to know was if it was wise to openly to support the group opposing their current boss. Strutter and Lamont scoffed at such a question, saying it was obvious that AS' time behind the OAOAST desk is coming to a close. They said AS' arrogance, and his refusal to offer fair chances to “deserving athletes like us” sealed his fate, and they weren't going to be one of the stupid ones left out of the new regime. Strutter advised Brannigan that he hop aboard his cousin's bandwagon with the theory that blood runs thicker than water and that AS' well is about to run dry. Before Brannigan could offer a response, Christian Wright emerged onto the scene with trademark briefcase in tow. With genuine jubilation, he remarked how wonderful it was to see young people with such a “foresight that looks towards leadership that is neither above nor enemy of the law, but rather a timeless friend.” He wished that other young superstars could “lay claim to the mental acumen needed to support and strengthen the quest for a greater tomorrow”. For their support and good faith, Wright opened his briefcase and offered them both a case of Cuban cigars. We went to commercial with the three men enjoying the fine cigars and Brannigan wondering what his cousin has done to this once proud institution. ***Freedom W/Liberty Vs CPA W/Mackenize*** Before the contest began Freedom and Liberty cut a promo in support of Anglesault, in which they stated they would continue to fight for the freedom and liberty of the OAOAST until their last breath. The man who put them out of action for several weeks, CPA, thought that could be arranged. Allen quickly overpowered Freedom with no less then four straight running lariats. It looked like Freedom was being placed on a fast track to to the ER. But he shocked his rival by ducking a fifth lariat and capturing him with a side Russian leg sweep into a pin. Though, Allen kicked out, Freedom was able to maintain an offense with several basic dropkicks and a few hip tosses. CPA quickly composed himself though and resumed beating on Freedom with nothing but expertly aimed punches. Freedom was able to bear the blows from the former boxer long enough to hit Allen with a desperation victory roll, but only got two. Seeking to capitalize on his return to the attack, Freedom threw CPA into the ropes. But Moneymaker's trusted security advisor returned with the heart stopping Gigaton Punch (heart punch), ending Freedom's bid for victory and for justice. Winner: CPA via knockout. Post match, Allen and Mackie lit up with their own cigars, which they cruelly ashed on a youngster's poster of Anglesault! In the locker room area, The Burroughs Boys sat in solemn silence over their disheartening loss. But no one took their defeat harder then Detective Bosley, who was certainly not willing to suffer his sorrow silently. He exploded on his fellow New Yorkers, shouting “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE WINNERS LOCKER ROOM NOT THE MONTESORI SCHOOL FOR BOO-HOO FACED BITCHES!” The five looked on confused, as Bosley continued to rant, “I THOUGHT I WAS ROLLING WITH TRIBAL LEADERS. WE'RE DUDES WHO GO INTO THE VILLAGE, KILL THE MEN WITH OUR BARE HANDS, STAKE THEIR HEADS ON PITCHFORKS FOR THEIR BITCHES TO SEE AS WE HIT IT FORM BEHIND, ENSLAVE THE CHILDREN WHO AREN'T FAT AND USE THE SKINS OF THE ONES WHO ARE AS LEG WARMERS, AND TORCH THE WHOLE FREAKIN PLACE WHEN WE'RE DONE! I AM A FUCKIN TORNADO, MAN, TEARING ACROSS AMERICA AT 913 MILES PER HOUR, KILLING, HUMPING AND SMOKING ANYTHING THAT AIN'T DEAD AND AIN'T RELATED TO ME BEYOND BEING A THIRD COUSIN! AND WHEN YOU GET INSIDE THIS TWISTAH YOU DON'T SEE DUST AND PARTICLES AND SHIT, YOU SEE THE MOUTH OF THE BADDEST BEAST, AND HE'S SCREAMING BOSLEY: ALPHA MALE! THAT'S HOW I DO IT! WATCH AND LEARN!” And believe it or not The Burroughs Boys stood up and applauded the grade A+ AMOG (alpha male of the group) for his rousing show of strength and masculinity. ***Love Doctors Vs Rescue 911*** The contest opened with a sportsman handshake between Cash and Pigley, which Bosley of course derided as “Some Pussy shit!” That insult don't quite motivate either in ring competitor to try their hand at any high impact attacks, as they went through a languid series of lockups, and wrist lock reversals. An irish whip by Anderson brought both Bosley and some excitement into the match. The fromer NYPD officer steamrolled Anderson with a lethal lariat, then blasted Pigley off the apron with a pair of elbow strikes. As Cash shook his head at Bosley's cheap shots, his rouge partner went to work on Anderson by bashing his face into the corner posts. Referee Billy Silverman's orders to cease and desist were only met with an arrogant flashing off the badge from the good officer who cursed Anderson with several more strikes. Through with giving the ringposts a workout, Bosley moved on to terrorizing his foe with stomps and punches and almost gained a pin off a face crusher. That failed pin drew out sizable roid rage from Tango, and he proceeded to mangle Anderson's face by swiping it across the rough ring ropes. Although the fans were disgusted with Bosley's behavior, he was delighted and brought in Cash with orders to “Be a man!” Cash was so worried about atoning for Bosley's despicable actions that it brought serious harm to his own in ring performance. The EMT was overly cautious, performing wrist locks and arm wrenches that couldn't even hurt an OAOVW trainee. As expected Anderson not only recovered during Cash's weak assault, he turned the tables entirely. He brought Cash over with a fireman's carry, and then dizzied him with a series of lucha esque pinning situations. After earning a 2.9, and a shout of anger from Bosley off a spring board jackknife pin, Anderson tagged Pigley back into the bout. The Doctors displayed far better cohesion than the fractured Rescue 911, and took control of the contest with quick tags and high impact double teams. But the momentum of the bout shifted back to 911 when Bosley took down Anderson with the ALPHADog (Bulldog). The Doctor of Doctornomics was worked over by the hard hitting strikes of Bosley, until the NYPD officer decided it was time to end the bout with the NYPD-DDT! However, Anderson powered out the finisher, and thrilled the audience by nailing the Alpha male with the Anderson Spinebuster! As the fans rooted him on, Anderson crawled to his corner to apply the hot tag with Pigley! Cash however, stayed on the apron, leaving a sore Bosley to deal with a fresh Pigley. To no one's surprise, Bosley was ill equipped to deal with Pigley and was chucked over the ropes in glorious fashion with a belly to belly suplex. This brought Cash into the fracas, and the Peoria born superstar was little match for the seamless double teaming of The Docs, and they quickly put him away with the Gurney To The Centre Of The Earth! Winners: Love Doctors, via pinfall Post match Cash showed incredible class and sportsmanship when he presented his buddies with a humble handshake. The two returned the gesture by raising Cash's arms in the air to celebrate with the applauding crowd. This kindness did not play very well with Bosley, who watched with eyes flooded by anger. That anger launched him into the ring, where he furiously assaulted the Docs with clubbing forearms. Before they could even stage a proper defense, Bosley had them both on the ground, clutching their necks in severe pain from his NYPD-DDT. The crazed superstar offered no glance towards his dismayed partner as he seethed with anger over his friend's actions. After the commercial break Brannigan tried to catch up with Bosley as he headed through the parking garage to his customized Rescue 911 Dodge Charger, and get some explanation for his shocking attack on The Docs. Bosley barked that as a fellow alpha dog, Brannigan should understand certain measures have to be taken to guarantee survival of the tribal leader. He gave Brannigan no further chance to ask any more questions as he sped off into the night. That was until he accidentally ran down Clem Buzzlefoxer, suffering through a very public flashback of his WWII days and using a broom stick as a bayonet to fend off German assassins at a brothel. Fortunately, Buzzlefoxer's steel hip broke his fall and his time warp, meaning he'd be a-okay to work our mainevent. ***D*LUX Vs Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas*** Minus Jade Rodez, D*LUX looked to have been at a disadvantage and Biff tried his hands at quickly dusting off the former HI-YAH tag champions, only to fail miserably, which had the high strung Valentine throwing comical tantrums on the ring apron. Vinny's anger grew magnificently when, the teenyboppin duo began double teaming his luckless partner with a series of moves that ended in the Hit Me Baby One More Time (double super kick). However, Vinny was able to begin righting the early wrongs, when he took advantage of elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer ushering Tyler out the ring to hit Shayne with a running leg drop. From there Biff was able to at least keep Showtime under control with very basic moves such as snap mares, fireman's carries, and vertical suplex. But things became worse for Biff when Shayne rebounded from an Irish whip to knock him over with a leg lariat. Again placed on the defensive, Biff was double teamed by D*LUX who almost pinned him with the Rock Your Body (Samoan Drop/Neckbreaker Combo). But, Biff kicked out and mounted a desperation assault that saw him nearly cripple Tyler with the OSHAA Approved Powerbomb (running power bomb). Rather than try his miserable luck at stringing together a few more moves, Atlas made the tag to The Disco Duck. Vinny Valentine assailed the favorite of teenage girls everywhere, with his trademark heelish offense of eye rakes, and back scrapes. After his nails turned Ty's back three shades redder, Vinny begin targeting with more dangerous moves such as back drops and pendulum back breakers. Valentine almost secured a submission victory with a surfboard, which prompted Atlas to enthusiastically shout “That'll show Krista!”. The mere mention of the K word reminded Bryant what he was fighting for and he burst free of Valentine's submission hold. He mounted a fast paced comeback, which sent Vinny scuttling to the outside, only to be taken out with a plancha from the Tremendous One. This forced Biff to square off with Showtime, and Biff was even more ineffective than usual. Showtime launched him all over the ring with hurricanranas, before finally ascending to the top rope for a body splash. However, Biff ducked bellow his incoming body and the boybander crashed into the mats! Eager to captalize Atlas bounced off the ropes to hit Shayne with a gore as he stood. But Tyler intercepted him with The Merry Tyler Gore Show- Jacknife Spear (which is a spear which goes straight into a jacknife pin). That pin, however, could not be counted due to Buzzlefoxer having fell asleep from his narcolepsy! The fans were beside themselves at this “only in the OAOAST” moment. But where they saw insanity, Vinny saw majestic opportunity. After grabbing a disco ball from beneath the ring, the disco duck slid into the squared circle where he blasted both members of D*LUX with the glittering globe. As multicolored glass danced across the air, the blood soaked faces of D*LUX smacked into the canvas never to lift themselves back up. With Biff fretting over the land mine of loose glass in the ring, Vinny placed his feet on both of D*LUX for an all to easy pin. Very conveniently, Buzzlefoxer's narcoplepsy wore off just in time to count a victory for Valentine and Biff. Winners: Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas, via pinfall The show faded out with a smirking Vinny using his gator skin shoes to smear the lifeless faces of the fan favorites into the shattered remains of the last days of disco.

The schedule! matches are all on HD unless stated otherwise. Subject to change due to laziness and e-fed craziness!

Damn, why wont these nasty monkey fuck puppets be up off ya man?

We're shown the many wonderful sights of Trenton, including a bridge that celebrates its working class roots, while also slamming the world at large under paying for its goods and keeping it a lower class blue collar death trap for any sort of hope and ambition. But, you can at least enjoy the sounds of the Clique Girls' Then I woke up On our return to the arena, we pan the crowd ahead of our historic main-event. The New Jersey crowd whoop their approval, with some very special guests in amongst them. Over in the third row we see Jumbo, Deuce Deuce Bigelow and Denzel Spencer with special seats in amongst the people. Elsewhere, Vitamin X sits with Princess Stacey discussing something amongst themselves. Front row seats have been bagged by Jamie O'Hara and The Christ Air Express. Even out of the arena there's great interest, as we cut back to see Landon Maddix and Megan Skye in their dressing room watching, while amongst those gathered around a more communal monitor is Alfdogg, stood with arms folded. COLE The eyes of the OAOAST are on this one, The Match Of Champions just moments away. Featuring all eight male OAOAST champions in this one fall, eight man tag team match, it promises to be one of the biggest main-event in HeldDOWN~! history Coach. COACH We've got guys watching backstage, I see guys sitting in the crowd, EVERYBODY wants to get a good view of this one. And why? Simple. You've got, like you said, all the champions of the OAOAST in this match... and every guy in that locker room and out here or wherever they may be wishes they were involved. Because these are the guys that are holding gold coming up. The measuring sticks in this company. Trust me, this is gonna be a great match, but the Rejects and the Spanish Flys and the Jock Mulligans, they're not watching it to be entertained, they're taking advantage of this rare chance to strain a scouting eye on all the champions at once. COLE You may well be right about that. The eyes of the world are on Trenton, New Jersey, it's The Match Of Champions! Let's not waste any longer and go up to Michael Buffer for the introductions. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, wrestling fans, the following contest is your HeldDOWN~! MAIN EVENT of the evening! It is the first ever MATCH OF CHAMPIONS! Scheduled for one fall to a finish, it is an Eight Man Tag Team Match, featuring all of the title holders of the OAOAST in one ring at one time. And now, ladies and gentlemen... ARE YOU READY? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Albany, New York... ARE... YOU... rrrrrrrrrrRRRREADY!? "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance... and the millions watching around the world, ladies and gentlemen... LLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET RRREEAADY TO RRRUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! The lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. "I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone." The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. "White America/ I could be one of your kids." The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. "Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race." The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, hidden beneath two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER Introducing team number one. First, from 'South Of Heaven'. He weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds... a charter member of the OAOAST, he is widely regarded as the most sadistic man to grace this ring. He is a member of the Deadly Alliance... and the reigning OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... SSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAANNDDMMMMMAAAAAAAAANN... NNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEEEEEEE... TTHHHHHHHOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNDD!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sandman slides into the ring and rips off the bandanas, a sick smile on his face as he raises his title belt overhead. COLE The OAOAST original, Sandman9000. That Heartland Title will do him no good tonight though, this isn't a Heartland Division match-up. Tonight we're going to see what Sandman can do outside of his hardcore environment. COACH And make no mistake, he's no slouch as a wrestler. It's just, sometimes slicing and dicing is more fun. "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship hits next, Sandman kicking back in the corner while his partners make their way out. Nathaniel Black leads the way, raises his fists into the air with his 6-Man Title in hand. Behind him, James Blonde makes way for the chest pounding Faqu, clearly fired up for this match as he stomps ahead of his partners. Blonde and Black are a picture of confidence, and who can blame them with the crazed Samoan causing fans to cower as he passes. BUFFER And his tag team partners. Total combined weight, seven hundred and fourty seven pounds... they represent Cucaracha Internacional. Together, holders of the OAOAST WORLD 6-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... from Vancouver, British Columbia... "THE TRENDSETTER" JJJJAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEESSSSSSSS BBLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEEEEEEE!! "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL"... FFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUUU!! And from London, England, NNAAAATTHHHHHAAAAAAAANNIIIIIIEEEEEELLLLLLLL BBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAACCKK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Beating his chest again, Faqu scales the ring steps and stares at Sandman for a second before he enters the ring. COLE It's going to be interesting to see how Sandman9000 blends with his 6-Man Tag Team Champion partners, especially somebody like Nathaniel Black. We all know how Black feels about wrestlers who's style conflicts his and I doubt he's a big fan of the deathmatches somehow. Sure enough, there's an uneasy look between Black and Sandman, barely acknowledging each other. It's left to Blonde to offer up a high-five. All is well for now it seems, the four standing side by side and watching on as "Shine" by Collective Soul begins to play and brings the New Jersey crowd around. A warm reaction greets the World Tag Team Champions, Benjamin and Moss looking all business as they walk out. Well, one walks, one rather limps as Charlie Moss takes it careful on his taped left knee. BUFFER And introducing the opponents! First, at a total combined weight of four hundred and eighty pounds... a team that have assembled the top accolades in both amateur and professional wrestling circles. The current OAOAST ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN... together, they are TTEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM... HHHHEEEEEEEYYYYYYYRRRRRROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Looks and words are exchanged by Team Heyross and Sandman9000 from the outside of the ring. COLE I'm sure Moss and Benjamin will love to get their hands on Sandman tonight, he being the partner of Reject and Thunderkid of course. Issues still unresolved there after what happened back at School's Out. COACH Reject and Thunderkid aren't Tag Champions yet. So, yes. Definately unresolved. Suddenly, a piano plays a melody causing the crowd to rise to their feet. COACH Okay, I just went off this whole Match Of Champions thing. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. "COME ON!" *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing as Colombian Heat rushes out onto the stage, getting the crowd fired up. Heat runs to both sides of the entrance stage and fires that section of the arena up. The US Champion then hangs the belt over his shoulder and gives it a pat, acknowledging the fans before hand-slapping his way down the aisle. BUFFER Introducing next. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. He weighs in at one hundred and eighty pounds... one half of The Badd Boyz and the OAOAST UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... CCOOOOOLLLLLLLOOOOOOOMMMMMBBIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAANN... HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Heat's trail down the aisle takes him to Team Heyross, tagging hands with them as well. Heat fires up the fans some more, jumping around on the spot in his eagerness to get going. COACH At least he's not going to do that annoying thing where he talks. COLE You mean when he fires up these great fans before the match? COACH Well, any time Heat talks is pretty annoying but that was the one I was alluding to at the moment, yeah. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" The crowd eagerly await the final Champion... "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" ...and with that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role 2000" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapse before out through the smoke strides the reigning World Champion, Tha Puerto Rican! PRL marches out and right down the aisle, to the sound of roaring cheers and the sight of dozens of PRL signs being thrust in the air. COLE In The Match Of Champions, here comes THE Champion! BUFFER And the final participant! He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds. The other half of The Badd Boyz... he is the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... ladies and gentlemen, this is THHHAAAAAA PPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEERRRRRRTTOOOOOOOO... RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Climbing the steps, PRL scales the turnbuckles on the outside and raises the World Title in the air as he smells the electricity in the air. Into the ring slide Benjamin, Moss and Heat with the numbers now even and all eight champions find themselves in the ring for the first time. COLE What a reaction in New Jersey for Tha Puerto Rican! They are pumped for this historic match, that's for sure! COACH Congratulations PR, New Jersey likes you. You two deserve each other, you truly do. Blonde keeps Faqu from charging, calming him down as the sight of PRL standing tall on the turnbuckles riles him up. Leaping down, PRL calls his team together and they talk strategy, or namely who's going to start the match. The Badd Boyz and Team Heyross seem to be in cohesion for now, while across the ring James Blonde appoints himself leader, or at least mediator with his team-mates. COLE PRL will no doubt be a marked man tonight. We know that the 6-Man Champions will be looking to soften him up for their leader Landon Maddix, plus Sandman's fellow Deadly Alliance member Alfdogg has made no secret of his World Title aspirations either. So here we go, let's see who's going to start out... COACH Woah woah, wait a second Michael. Look. The camera pans away from the ring and to the top of the stage, where THE CUBAN WALL has strolled out unannounced! Taking up his position at the top of the ramp, Wall stands with arms folded watching on. COLE Like we said, everybody wants to get a good viewpoint for this match. And it looks like we're going to see the World Heavyweight Champion starting it out! PRL is indeed going to start, stirring up an air of excitement in amongst the crowd. The World Champ waits patiently, as across the ring it's decided on Nathaniel Black to start for his team. Blonde and Black high-five before The Englishman starts stretching out, eyes locked with Tha Puerto Rican's. *DINGDINGDING!* "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" With the support of the crowd behind him, PRL steps out of his corner and right into an exchange of words with Nathaniel Black. The mouthy cockney gets right up in front of Tha Puerto Rican and points out the size difference between them before daring him to take the first shot. PRL needs no second asking. He nails Black with a right hand. And another. Another. Another! Black is backed up by the punches, caught by surprise by the ferocity of the World Champion. Backed up into the ropes, Black is grabbed by PRL for an irish whip. The Englishman reverses the whip and ducks his head, looking to headbutt PRL in the midsection on the way back. But PRL goes up and over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout by Black, quickly back up to his feet and attempting to tie up PR's legs in some sort of submission! COACH Here we go! World Champ or not, PRL can't compete on the mat with Nathaniel Black! Realising this, PRL squirms around to free himself and manages to spin away, rolling away to the ropes. Arrogantly, Nathaniel shows Tha Puerto Rican just how close he came to trouble. PRL shakes it off and with Heat's encouragement, he locks hands for a test of strength. The two men lock one set of hands, but before they can clasp the second set Black pulls out a quick pirouhette into a hammerlock. COLE Black is argueably the best skilled technical wrestler in the OAOAST. Hold and counter hold, it comes so naturally to him with that European background. COACH And I'm pretty sure The Rock wasn't a great counter wrestler, so PR's screwed! PRL searches high and low for an escape before settling for throwing a back elbow. Black gets caught hard in the jaw and loses hold of Tha Puerto Rican, who quickly hits the ropes. Shaking off the elbow, Black swings with a clothesline. PRL ducks underneath though, building up speed off the ropes and baseball sliding through the legs of The Englishman. Caught out, Black turns around into a side headlock takeover. Hanging onto the headlock PRL shrugs off an attempted headscissors and leaves Black kicking the mat in frustration at being out-wrestled in that exchange. "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE You were saying? PRL brings Nathaniel back up with the side headlock and reaches out, making the first tag to Quentin Benjamin. COLE Here comes someone who can match holds with Black! The former Pac-10 and NCAA Champion. Springing to the top rope, Benjamin comes down with a fist to the ribs of Black. He then wrings out the arm and bars it to keep control. Black places his free forearm under Benjamin's jawbone and forces him back against the ropes though, waiting for the referee's 5 count to force a break before headbutting Benjamin in the stomach! European uppercut from the European, before whipping Benjamin off the ropes. But Quentin rolls underneath a forearm strike and Charlie Moss quickly enters to help deliver a Double Dropkick! Blonde rushes in, but he takes a Double Dropkick and both men quickly roll outside, while PRL and Colombian Heat rush in to knock Sandman9000 and Faqu off the apron for good measure! All four men left in the ring work the crowd, while Cucaracha Internacional+9000 are forced to a- regroup and b- keep Faqu from going tearing ringside apart. COLE The World, US and Tag Team Champions are standing tall in the early going! COACH Thanks to double-teaming and cheapshots, let's call it how it is shall we? The 6-Man and Heartland Champions regroup, while referee Mike Chioda gets control in the ring. Back in slides Nathaniel Black, but he has no intentions of staying in for long. Instead, he slaps Faqu's hand and points him in. COLE Uh-oh. Quentin Benjamin's eyes widen a little as the big Samoan enters, ranting away in his native tongue. Looking him up and down, Benjamin tries to figure the best way to attack and as Faqu moves in, he tries a single leg trip. When your leg is the size of a tree trunk, it's not easy to trip though. Faqu goes nowhere and with Benjamin clinging onto him, he raises up his hands and strikes down across the back with overhand chops! Stung, Quentin backs away into a corner to recover. Faqu follows him in though... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a meaty knifedge to the chest! COACH Don't get that in the amateurs! Such is the force that Benjamin is bounced out of the corner, staggering away to catch his breath. Right on him, Faqu clubs him from behind, forcing Benjamin down to one knee. Faqu then scoops Benjamin up and slams him down, all on the orders of James Blonde who quickly makes the tag. Climbing his corner, The Trendsetter stands over his partners and extends his arms to a chorus of boos, before coming off the top with a Flying Kneedrop! COLE Textbook teamwork from Blonde and Faqu. The big Samoan does all the work and Blonde comes in with the opponent prone to put the finishing touches on. COACH If it works, go with it. After a fancy roll through to his feet, Blonde crawls back over to cover... 1... 2... No! Blonde pulls Benjamin up in a front facelock and instantly brings Faqu back in. COACH Quick tags, clearly the more cohesive team are Black, Blonde, Faqu and Sandman. COLE I don't know about that. Team Heyross are Tag Champions and The Badd Boyz have been back together for about 6 months now. COACH 3+1 is greater than 2+2. COLE No it's not. With Benjamin wide open, Faqu delivers a headbutt to the ribs with Blonde holding him in place. Benjamin falls to one knee and Faqu lines him up before landing a hard kick to the chest. Fighting for breath, Quentin is pulled back up. Irish whip is reversed... but only to arms length, as Faqu stays rooted to the spot! Benjamin tugs on the arm a couple of times but Faqu won't budge and eventually pulls Benjamin into a back elbow! With Quentin down, Blonde again calls for the tag. As before the Samoan scoops up and slams Benjamin before he tags out. Up top, JB makes a big show of himself again as he balls up the fist, throwing a shout-out to Marty Jannetty with the Fistdrop... ...INTO THE MAT!! COLE Blonde took way too much time posing up top that time! Benjamin quickly shuffles to his corner to tag Moss, cutting Blonde off from tagging out himself. With kicks and punches Team Heyross back Blonde up into the ropes and shoot him off, referee Chioda counting away. With only 3 on the clock, the World Tag Team Champions elevate JB up with a Double Flapjack and Quentin exits the ring, allowing Moss to pin... 1... 2... No! Wringing the arm, Moss keeps Blonde at arm's length from the tag. Hammerlock and a slam, Moss with another quick cover... 1... 2... No! Moss keeps Blonde down by applying a top wristlock on the mat. Bridging up on his neck, Blonde tries to aleviate the pressure and look for an escape. He finds one by rolling backwards and to his feet, only for Moss to hang onto the arm into another hammerlock. COLE Blonde looking over to his corner to Nathaniel Black, wondering how in the hell that happened! COACH He's not the only one. Getting over the surprise, Blonde backs up and forces Charlie's back against the ropes. Reaching back he hooks the head, pushing up off the canvas and executing a flying mare... but Moss hangs doggedly onto the arm to come out on top with another hammerlock! COLE One of the most important aspects of amateur wrestling is grip and Charlie Moss is showing he's lost none of it. Moss brings Blonde back up, bringing him to the corner to tag in Colombian Heat for the first time. "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE The US Champion in! COACH The US is being represented by a Colombian and the World by a Puerto Rican. No wonder the human race is in such a piss-poor state. Heat delivers a right hand to the shoulder as he steps in, then takes over with an armbar. Down to a knee goes Blonde and Heat smiles confidently, momentarily distracted by Cuban Wall still stood watching on the rampway but only for a second. Heat backs Blonde up into a neutral corner, then goes to town with a flurry of chops and punches in the corner! Blonde tries to cover up and Heat calls a halt in order to whip JB across the ring. As he approaches the opposite corner Blonde sticks his arms out and looks to go up and over on Heat. The US Champ goes with it but stops short of colliding with the turnbuckles. He waits for Blonde to land, then leaps to the middle rope and flips back with a Quebrada out of the corner to take JB down... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat looks for another irish whip, but this time Blonde reverses. On the rebound Blonde looks to scoop Heat up. Heat floats up and over the back, running Blonde into the ropes attempting an O'Connor roll. Blonde grabs hold of the ropes and pushes Heat off, the Colombian rolling through to his feet to catch Blonde running at him with a Hurricanrana! HEAT WHASSUP?! "WHASSUP?!" COACH Whassup!? Even guys like me don't say that! After exchanging ebonics with the New Jersey crowd, Heat comes off the ropes... and runs right into a desperation knee to the midsection. COACH Haha! Whassup now dawg!? Blonde wastes no time in getting over to his corner to get the tag to Sandman9000. The Heartland Champion enters the match for the first time and goes right at Heat with forearm strikes. Getting Heat dazed, Sandman then hits the ropes and goes for a clothesline. But Heat ducks and takes Sandman down with a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! COLE That straight ahead style of Sandman9000, almost cost him there though. Back up quickly, Sandman goes back to the forearms. Heat ducks again on the second shot though, then fights back on the Heartland Champion with right hands! COLE Colombian Heat's not going to back down from a fight though, not even from Sandman! Sandman goes to the EYES of Colombian Heat though, which soon puts a stop to that. Sandman quickly follows up with a back suplex and covers... 1... 2... No! Pulling Heat back up, Sandman scoops him off his feet and hangs him over the top rope. Another cover follows... 1... 2... No! The Heartland Champion drifts into Heartland mode, placing his foot across Heat's windpipe and gripping onto the top rope as he chokes the life from him! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Sandman breaks on four but clearly isn't happy about it. COLE Well, Sandman isn't going to get away with that kind of tactic tonight. After an arguement with referee Chioda, Sandman ends up exchanging 'views' with Tha Puerto Rican, which soon escalates into exchanging a wad of spit. PRL takes unsurprising exception to that and jumps into the ring, only for Chioda to hold him back. As this goes on meanwhile, Nathaniel Black stands on the back of Colombian Heat's head trapping his throat on the bottom ring rope. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH You see, Sandman and the 6-Man Champs are totally in synch, just like I told you. COLE They share a common bond for breaking the rules I'll grant you that. Sandman walks back over and pulls Colombian Heat to his feet whilst a clearly agitated PRL is sent back to the apron. Hanging up Heat's arms over the ropes, Sandman backs up and delivers a knee strike to the exposed midsection. Sandman then lays in a right hand to the top of the head. A second. And then a forearm. Sending him off with an irish whip, Sandman goes up to deliver a standing dropkick, connecting right on the BUTT of the jaw. Rolling over, Sandman reaches up and tags out quickly. Faqu takes over and with Heat still down nursing his jaw, the Samoan prepares to drops the big one, dropping towards the stricken Colombian with a Big Splash... ...NOBODY HOME!! Heat rolls out of the way and right to his corner as Faqu eats mat! COLE Thank goodness Heat got out of the way right there. COACH Speak for yourself. COLE I think I'm speaking for the vast majority of the fans in New Jersey actually. COACH Yeah, I hate it when you do that. Heat tries to keep control of the raging Samoan as he traps him in a side headlock. Of course Faqu doesn't stay trapped for long, placing a hand in the back and shoving Heat into the ropes... where an ERRANT KNEE from James Blonde strikes him in the kidneys! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A hard thrust to the throat from Faqu puts Heat down, the cover coming before Chioda can ask too many questions... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Blatant cheapshot from Blonde. There's a trend he's been setting for a while. As complaints rage from Team Heyross and Tha Puerto Rican over the cheapshot from the outside James Blonde now becomes the legal man. JB comes in smiling which does little to calm the moods of his opposition. Picking Heat up, Blonde delivers a snap suplex in the middle of the ring. Blonde follows up with a quick double stomp. The Trendsetter then sits Heat up, trapping his arms in a crucifix and tilting him over into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat tries to keep going backwards from his kickout realising that's the direction his partners are waiting in. Nothing doing, as Blonde grabs a sneaker and drags him across the ring. Tag is made by Nathaniel Black, delivering a kneedrop to the chest with impressive elevation off the mat. COLE We heard Nathaniel Black making some pretty bold comments last week, talking about how he'd like to take the US Title from Colombian Heat and rename it the 'British Heavyweight Title'. And I know that caused great offence with Heat. COACH You have to admit, it would raise the levels of class around here a little. COLE So would firing you, but we don't want to seem like we're stealing ideas too directly from other places. Standing over Colombian Heat, Black walks around him arrogantly motioning for him to get back up. PRL does the same, although with a little more good intentions than the Englishman. Ever gutsy, Heat does get up but gets gripped around the back of the head and struck with a knee to face! Back down goes Heat in a heap. Turning to the crowd, Black mockingly asks "Is this the best you Yanks 'ave got!?", earning jeers from the New Jersey crowd, perhaps for mistaking the Colombian for an American or perhaps just for being an ass. Either way, they don't change their minds after Black slaps Heat across the back of the head daring him to get up again. "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" Spurred on by the fans, Heat does fight back up. Black is waiting and again cups him behind the head, delivering a head-snapping European uppercut. Away staggers Heat, ending up in hung in the ropes where Black delivers another European uppercut. COACH Nobody delivers those like Nat Black. Grabbing Heat's head, Black throws a headbutt before he sends Heat for the ride. Black then connects with a high knee attack and covers the fallen Heat... 1... 2... PRL IN FOR THE SAVE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" PRL mouths off to Black as he's sent back to the corner, taking a fake swipe at Chioda to make the referee flinch a little. COACH Oh yeah, big man, take a cheap kick at somebody and then threaten a referee. COLE I think PRL's getting a little wound up by watching Colombian Heat on the recieving end of this punishment for so long. COACH Then he should get a tag partner that doesn't suck maybe? Not letting PRL bother him, Black leads Colombian Heat over to his corner, making the tag to Sandman. The Trenton crowd try to get involved again, as Sandman takes over from the Englishman with a snapmare and a dropkick to the back of the head on the seated Heat! Heat writhes holding his neck until Sandman forces him down... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman takes Heat and delivers a headbutt from his knees. The Heartland Champion then pulls the US Champion to his feet, whipping him into a corner and following close behind with a running forearm strike. After another couple of standing forearms, Sandman then elevates Heat up onto the top rope. COLE Could be a Muscle Buster maybe? Sandman pulls the head down and tries to hook Heat up. The US Champion fights it and grips onto the ropes to prevent being lifted up. So Sandman lets Heat go, throwing a punch... BLOCKED! Heat blocks and kicks Sandman in the chest. Another kick lands. Heat then reaches out, hooking Sandman for a Tornado DDT... NO! Sandman hangs onto Heat and places him kicking and squirming right back on the top rope. A hard palm strike upside the head leaves Heat dazed, allowing Sandman to go back after the head. Heat continues to prove elusive though and bounces on the middle rope, allowing himself to flip over and roll down Sandman's back! The Heartland Champion growls and turns around... INTO THE PELE KICK!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE THE PELE! THE PELE~! COACH I hate that move so much. As Sandman falls back in the corner, Colombian Heat finally has an opening to tag, giving hope to his team-mates. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" The crowd want the fresh man in and so does Colombian Heat, crawling down the ropes towards his partners' outstretched hands. Sandman shakes off the kick and goes for his corner as well. Both men reach out for the tag at the same time... Tag to James Blonde. TAG TO THA PUERTO RICAN!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Having darted into the ring, Blonde quickly slams on the brakes as he sees the World Champion darting towards him. PRL comes in swinging and throwing punches. A punch connects. Another. Another. And another. Irish whip by Tha Puerto Rican sends Blonde off the ropes, going up and over with a leapfrog. He goes up again with a reverse leapfrog, then takes The Trendsetter over with an armdrag as he rebounds again! Blonde ends up hitting the ropes as he gets to his feet and looks to use it to his advantage as he charges PR, but Tha Puerto Rican hurls himself through the air with the Gamengiri!! COLE Dodge THIS, BITCH~! Cover by PRL... 1... 2... No! Tha Puerto Rican jumps right back up, taking a shot at Nathaniel Black and Faqu as they stand idly by on the apron. PRL then crouches down and waits for Blonde to get back up, setting him up for the LATIN SLA... NO! Blonde elbows out of the attempted Latin Slam, then gets the tag off to Faqu. COACH Now we're going to have some fun. With PRL retreating into a corner Faqu quickly makes his way over to the opposite corner and comes charging, looking to engulf Tha Puerto Rican with an AVALANCHE... ...MISSED!! PRL gets out of the way and Faqu clatters into the turnbuckles! COACH That wasn't quite as fun as I was hoping for. COLE The pace is really picking up here between these eight OAOAST champions. Tag is made and Charlie Moss is in, bum-rushing The Samoan Wrecking Ball from behind and barging him into a corner. With Faqu pressed against the turnbuckles Moss clubs away with repeated clubbing forearms across the back, then backs up across the ring to deliver a running high knee in the corner! COLE Look at Charlie Moss taking it to the bigman with no fear whatsoever! Faqu staggers out from the corner, schoolyard tripped by Moss and stacked on his shoulders with a pinfall... 1... 2... NO! Climbing to his feet, Faqu walks right into Moss's arms. His attempt at an Overhead Belly To Belly is a little ambitious though. Faqu doesn't budge and delivers a headbutt to fend Moss off. Shuffling to the side a step, Faqu then aims for Moss's head with a Thrust Kick... but Moss sidesteps and swats it away. COLE Great flexibility from the Samoan, but no connection. Quick as a flash, Benjamin jumps in and the World Tag Team Champions combine with the DOUBLE GOOZLE~!!~1! Cover by Moss... 1... 2... Blonde comes in and tackles Benjamin, knocking him on top of the pin to break it up. COLE That was a unique way to break the pin. COACH You might even say it was 'trendsetting'. Blonde puts the boots to Moss before Benjamin gets back involved, Team Heyross getting the upperhand until the one man wrecking ball that is Faqu gets back to his feet. After clubbing both Moss and Benjamin down, Faqu is then directed by his buddy Blonde. Together Faqu and Blonde pull out stereo irish whips on Moss and Benjamin respectively. In stereo they then swing with clotheslines... and MISS with clotheslines. Ducking underneath, Moss and Benjamin put on the brakes and wait for JB and Faqu to turn... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* STEREO SUPERKICKS... but only Blonde goes down! FAQU BLLLLLAAAAAAAAHHHHH... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* A Double Superkick from Team Heyross finally drops Faqu though! COLE Down crashes the Wrecking Ball. As Team Heyross look relieved, they're caught unawares as Nathaniel Black slides in from the blindsight. Lunging forward, he clips Charlie Moss's knee sending him crashing to the mat with a howl of agony! Benjamin quickly jumps on Black and the two brawl out of the ring, while Moss is able to at least roll himself under the bottom rope. COLE Man, Moss looks in a lot of pain. Black went right for that left knee damaged at School's Out at the hands of Thunderkid and Reject. That was no coincidence. COACH Of course it wasn't, dummy! Nat's a smart guy, if there's a weakness he can exploit you better believe he knows about it before a match even starts because he's watches his tapes. Nevermind the fact Moss has got tape under the kneepad as well, painting a bullseye on it. COLE Well we've got plenty of men down here, the pace is starting to take it's toll. Benjamin and Black going at it just across from us. And the happiest people right now are those OAOAST superstars watching, seeing all the champions in highly competitive action and potentially becoming easier targets in the near future. COACH Like Cuban Wall, who's still not moved up there on the stage. COLE And Landon and Alfdogg, with their eyes locked on Tha Puerto Rican as he rolls back inside. As the World Champ brings himself back into the ring, he's met by Faqu getting groggily back to his feet. PRL quickly targets him and hits a running dropkick, sending Faqu falling back through the ropes and out to the floor with a thud! Tha Puerto Rican then turns and stalks James Blonde. But from behind, Sandman9000 suddenly appears and spins PRL around, boot to the gut and hooking the arms for the ARCHANGEL'S WIN... NO! PRL twists out and pulls Sandman forward, into the LATIN SLAM!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE PR connects! Here's the cover! PRL reaches back and hooks the far leg... 1... 2... BLONDE BREAKS IT UP! The Trendsetter kicks away at PRL on his way back up, then drives the point of his elbow into the back of the head. Once PRL fights to his feet, Blonde sends him into a corner with an irish whip. Following in he connects with a clothesline, hooking up the head and bringing Tha Puerto Rican out looking for the follow-up bulldog... but PRL throws Blonde off in mid-air! Blonde lands hard on his tailbone and slowly gets back up nursing it, as PRL backs up against the turnbuckles again. The World Champion then comes charging... *SMACK!* "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...BUT GETS INTERCEPTED WITH A YAKUZA KICK FROM SANDMAN9000!!!! COACH There's the knockout! COLE What a kick by Sandman, that's surely got to do it! Much to Sandman's surprise though, it's James Blonde who capitalises with the cover before he can do anything... 1... 2... NO!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" As Blonde curses the two count, Sandman is more worried about the stolen pinfall attempt and asks Blonde what the hell's going on. The arguement can't come to anything too heated though, as Colombian Heat slides in and clatters their heads together! COLE DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER~! Heat grabs a hold of Sandman by the hair and dumps him up and over the top rope. Turning around, the US Champ then catches Blonde with a right hand. Heat quickly hits another punch! And another! Heat then does the DANCE~!, before completing the Shake, Rattle and Roll! Down goes The Trendsetter, as Heat bounces off the ropes and does the SHIMMY~!, before hitting the Shaky Leg Kneedrop! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh yeah, Colombian Heat is firing up!! Blonde rolls from the ring as Heat looks out to the crowd and does a SHIMMY~! dance. As he turns around though, his shimmying is brought to an abrupt halt, as he's laid out with the BLACK LARIAT!!! COLE Nathaniel Black from out of nowhere with the Discus Lariat! COACH That oughta pour some cold water on the Heat. Cover by Black... 1... 2... NO! Black stomps back to his feet and pulls Heat up. Attempting a scoop slam, he loses Heat in mid-air and Heat is able to float out the back. Landing safely on his feet, the US Champion grabs a hold of Black looking to deliver the Bong Hit... but Black escapes with the right arm and pins it into a hammerlock, manoeuvering his way out to the front and kicking out the legs to drive Heat down with a Hammerlock DDT! COACH And that's a good way to seperate a shoulder. As Black gets back to his feet though, he doesn't see Quentin Benjamin springboarding into view and soaring into the ring to hit a Top Rope Bulldog!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH MY what a move! Benjamin turns his attentions to Faqu with a baseball slide to keep him out of the way, before motioning Black back to his feet. As the Englishman gets back up, Quentin goes to the gut with a boot and sets up a suplex, picking Black up for the ORANGE CRUS... NO! Black drives his knee down once he's turned upside down, connecting with the top of Benjamin's cranium! Once he hits the mat again, Black then hooks Benjamin's arms up underneath his chest and elevates him with the BRITTANIA BOM... NO! Benjamin counters with a Hurricanrana, arms still crossed!! 1... 2... NO!! ONLY TWO! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE I have no idea how Benjamin pulled that out... I've no idea WHAT he actually pulled out, but it so nearly won it for his team! Up to his feet, Black goes for a clothesline but finds himself backdropped up and over the top. Benjamin gets the crowd behind him before hitting the ropes. Black finds himself right by James Blonde, both providing a perfect landing pad for the SOMERSAULT PLANCHA FROM BENJAMIN!!! COACH Look ma, no hands! COLE Did Quentin Benjamin take flight or what?! The Trenton crowd give it up for that, before turning their attentions back to the ring. Sandman9000 has rolled back in and watches Colombian Heat getting to his feet. The US Champ holds his arm as he walks away from the ropes, directly into a boot. Sandman quickly hooks up the arms and delivers the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!1~1!~!1!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Archangel's Wings, Heat got planted! Sandman makes the cover... 1... 2... PRL WITH THE SAVE!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sandman gets back up into a slugfest with Tha Puerto Rican. Right hands from PR, forearms from 9000, back and forth they go. Meanwhile, into the ring slides Faqu. The Samoan Wrecking Ball lies in wait, as Sandman finally gets the better of the exchange and lands a headbutt, sending PRL reeling backwards. Seeing his chance, Faqu pounds his chest and charges... ...but so does Sandman... ...and PRL ducks, causing a collision between the partners! COACH Oh no, that ain't good. COLE We could have a major falling out on our hands! Bouncing off the mat, Sandman gets back up to be confronted by an angry Samoan reminstrating with him. Not one to back down, The Heartland Champion gets right back in Faqu's face before brushing him aside... just as Quentin Benjamin comes soaring back into the action with a Top Rope Clothesline!! Down goes Sandman, he and Benjamin taking their fight to the floor while PRL punches away at Faqu. Irish whip by PRL is reversed though, into a BIG Samoan Drop from the Samoan, driving the air out of PR and out of the New Jersey crowd! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH YES! That's it, he's got him! Cover him Faqu, you've got the World Champion beat! COLE What an upset this would be! Faqu does crawl over to PRL and turns him over, covering him... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP!!! COACH DAMNIT! Sliding back in, James Blonde directs traffic for his unorthodox partner, telling him to "finish him off". "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" COACH Yeah? We might be about to see the squashing of PRL any second! Faqu brings Tha Puerto Rican back up, but Blonde suddenly has a change of mind and gives Faqu some new instructions. Earnestly listening, the Samoan slams PRL in the centre of the ring and steps aside, as JB sends a shout-out to "LA CUCARACHA", before he springs to the middle rope with his LIONSAULT... ...AND LANDS ON THE KNEES OF PRL!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE I doubt Landon appreciated that somehow. Shocked for a second, Faqu snaps to life and runs at PRL... KICK! *WHAM!* CAPPA KILLA!! COLE Stunner! COACH But Faqu is still up! Bolting into the picture, Colombian Heat soon puts pay to that as he lunges at Faqu, delivering a clothesline that sends both himself and The Samoan Wrecking Ball up and over the top rope to the floor! Back in the ring meanwhile, Blonde staggers around holding his stomach. PRL is back up and waits on him, with a boot, before hooking up the head... *WHAM!* ...AND DELIVERING THE PR NIGHTMARE!!!! COLE HE HITS IT! Hook of the leg by PR... 1... 2... Black slides in... 3!!!!! ...BUT TOO LATE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of QUENTIN BENJAMIN and CHARLIE MOSS, TEAM HEYROSS... COLOMBIAN HEAT... and, THA PUERTO RRRRRIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAANN!!! PRL has little time to celebrate though, as Nathaniel Black jumps him regardless of not being able to make a save! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wait a minute, the match is over! COACH Yeah, but the fight may just be beginning! *THUD!* Out on the floor, Quentin Benjamin is dumped into the steel steps by Sandman9000, while Black continues to put the boots to PRL. The Englishman reaches down and drags the World Champion to his feet, folding the arm and applying the CROSSFACE CHICKENWING! *DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!* Chaos continues to reign, as Sandman9000 suddenly emerges from underneath the ring with a SINGAPORE CANE!! COLE Oh no... The Match Of Champions has decended into The War Of The Champions! In the ring, PRL is still being stretched out, but luckily Colombian Heat is around to help out. He grabs a hold of Black, who in his surprise lets PRL go to turn around and attack, but ends up getting a helping of PIMP JUICE as Heat drives him face first into the canvas! Black is rolled from the ring to join the rest of Cucaracha Internacional, Heat checking on his tag partner's condition. It's at that point that CUBAN WALL starts to march to the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!* *THWACK!* *THWACK!* *THWACK!* *THWACK!* The bell sounds in vain again, as Sandman9000 starts to trash away with the cane, right across the injured left knee of Charlie Moss!! The cane splinters after the second shot but Sandman keeps wailing away with it, unable to be stopped by referee Chioda. Moss's salvation only comes when Sandman finally tosses the cane aside and makes a move for Chioda. More referees pile out to keep Sandman from doing any more damage, although he's clearly done plenty already by the looks of Charlie Moss. COLE Damnit, Sandman doing more of The Deadly Alliance's dirty work! And I'm sure Reject and Thunderkid are smiling from ear to ear watching this! COACH In other words, you're saying this was a set-up? COLE You're damn right it was! Sandman I'm sure had orders to soften Moss up some more and he's certainly done that... and now, CUBAN WALL in the ring, what in the hell is going on!? As Sandman is escorted to the back, there's no help in the ring to warn Colombian Heat. As he continues to tend to PRL he's grabbed around the shoulder by Wall, spun around and dropped with a right hand! Wall then nonchalantly steps over Heat's body to get to Tha Puerto Rican. Picking his former leader up, Wall goozles the helpless World Champion around the throat, looking his dead in the eyes before taking him up... and DOWN with a CHOKESLAM!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Damnit! Cuban Wall is picking the bones on the World Champion! Colombian Heat quickly jumps Wall from behind with forearms, but unlike Heat, Wall is completely fresh and just swats them away. Heat keeps on coming, but gets goozled... and CHOKESLAMMED as well!! COLE Colombian Heat trying to come to the rescue of his friend and he pays the price for it too! "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" The New Jersey crowd chant away but there's little responce from PRL who is barely able to muster the strength to get to his feet. Cuban Wall apparantly isn't done with him yet though, so gives him an assist. Not a helpful one however, as he pulls Tha Puerto Rican up only to send him right back down, courtesy of THE WALLBREAKER!! PRL lays in a heap on the canvas, as Wall then backs off the ropes with a LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH sized exclamation point!! COLE Come on, enough already! COACH Enough!? After what PRL has done to this man, this is just the beginning! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The P - R - L chants are silenced now, as the World Champion lays motionless in the ring and powerless to respond. Stepping over his former Lightning Crew mentor, Cuban Wall climbs out of the ring and over to the timekeeper's table, routing through the mound of eight championship belts to find the one he wants. The World Heavyweight Title, which he snatches and climbs back into the ring with. Wall walks over to where PRL lies and places one foot on his chest, before raising the title belt high over his head "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The Cuban Wall has sent a message, a physical message, to the World Heavyweight Champion! The Match Of Champions may have marked the end of more than one title reign... have marked men been created on this night? From The Coach and Michael Cole, we will see you next week on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Cuban Wall continues to stand tall with PRL's OAOAST Title in his hands and PRL himself motionless underneath his foot, as we... FADE OUT.

TONIGHT **** All 8 Male Champions (though Malaysia may have a penis!) In ONE ring THE MATCH OF CHAMPIONS~! World Heavyweight Champion, US Champion and Tag Team Champions combine as Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat team with Team Heyross, to take on World 6-Man Tag Champions Cucaracha Internacional and the OAOAST Heartland Champion Sandman9000! **** THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory brings a world wide audience of millions to their television sets for the greatest show in paordy e-fed entertainment. Their eyes are dazzled by the breathtaking introductory video, a glossy production which features steel grey closeups of superstars in various locations trademark to their personality, along with equally metalliac images of these same entertainers performing mind boggling stunts, such as Jumbo squeezing into a pair of pants and not a MuMu. When the video closes we see... FEMALE VOICE OVER The Sovereign Bank Arena and Pizza Hut Present... OAOAST HeldDOWN (LWO stays strong, b.) We mercifully cut past this dipladated shithole and its miniscule attendance to our battle tested announce name, who celebrate the greatness of New Jersey by wearing shirts that read "I'd rather be in NY". Wouldn't we all! COACH OAOAST GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! PAIN KILLERS, STEROIDS, HORSE TRANQULIZERS, GHB, HGH, BIFF ATLAS' TESTICLES, EVERYTHING MUST GO! COLE What are you talking about now? COACH If we weren't going out of bidness, why else would we be performing in this dump? I've seen a bigger turnout for a retard production of shakespeare at the park, and ain't nobody checkin for some austic art fags in tights. COLE You're a credit to the company. The reason we're in Trenton, is because we like to give all our fans, in big cities and small, an oppurunity to take in the great experience of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! COACH Plus we can't afford the rent at the 20,000 seat Prudential center. COLE That to. Multicolor spotlights fall across an entrance stage that's been reduced in size to accomodate this horrible, horrible, arena, before we hear... HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! COLE And we'll start things off with three time tag team champions, and two of the most disliked men in the division! COACH And its disgusting that the only rock n wrestling band that matters, The Rockers, have to play to crowds so small! Kurt Cobain’s vocals boom through the loud speakers as Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly lead out Synth and Logan, both rocking the angel wings that have gotten OAOAST legal a call or two from Victoria’s Secrets’ lawyers. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being led down the aisle by HOLLY-WOOD… COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” As the Heavenly Rockers loosen up, Abdullah says a special prayer asking for strength and protection from evil for his band of rockers. The arena then becomes one giant laser light show as "Like The Angels" by Rise Against hits to a thunderous ovation, welcoming the heavily popular teenybopper tag team of MARV and MEL whose passion for skateboarding is second only to their passion for Christ. BUFFER And their opponents, hailing from Laguna Beach, California... total combined weight 370 pounds, the only identical tag team in the sport today… MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The smoke machine in full force, MARV and MEL leap through a thick cloud that’s engulfed the entranceway and head down the aisle showing off those pearly white smiles. The guys slap hands and pose with female admirers to buy time as Michael Cole gives us a brief history lesson. COLE What a match-up this should be as there’s no love lost here. Let’s take you back to Anglepalooza where we pick up action moments following the elimination of Synth Abdul-Jabbar. What happened next still has the Christ Air Express fired up. COACH They ought to quit crying over spilled milk. OAOAST BACKTRACKER Anglepalooza 2008 Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment COACH The footage proves Melody was at fault, Cole. She had a bout of ringside rage. All Synth tried to do was protect Holly. COLE By physically manhandling a woman?! Give me a break. Unlike the rest of us, MARV and MEL don’t need to be refreshed on their history with Synth and Logan. They HURL THEIR JACKETS at the Heavenly Rockers and pounce on them. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" * DINGDINGDING * The sound of the bell means the match is officially underway, though the action has already begun. Whipped into the ropes both Heavenly Rockers are the recipients of back body drops, and then are clotheslined over the top to the floor. Flat on their backs in a world of hurt, the Heavenly Rockers find themselves in more pain, blues and agony after MARV and MEL crash down onto them with a pair of SLINGSHOT CROSS BODY SPLASHES!! MEL rolls Synth inside and takes to the air. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! COLE Oh, look at this. He‘s got him. What an upset this would be. ONE… TWO… THR-- NO!! Holly and Abdullah yank MEL outside. The tough guy that he is Abdullah HIDES behind Holly as MEL confronts them. The Angel of Death isn’t intimidated though. Part of which can be attributed to her being a tough cookie, the other because her husband Logan Usher Mann shoots up the rear and delivers a DOUBLE AXE HANDLE SMASH to an unsuspecting MEL! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” As the referee keeps MARV at bay, Logan drops MEL throat-first on the guardrail and proceeds to put the boots to him with help from Holly and Abdullah. COACH You know what they say, Cole. A family that plays together stays together. The Macho MACHO Mann accepts the tag and suplexes MEL inside, making the cover afterwards. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Logan stomps MEL some more, verbally insulting him in the process. A quick Irish whip leads to a back elbow, and then a meeting between MEL’s face and Synth’s boot. Once again the legal man, Synth Abdul-Jabber slams MEL near the corner and goes up to the middle rope. COLE Uh-oh. MEL in big trouble here. We all know what’s coming up next. In high spirits this evening, Synth entertains the crowd with a little air guitar before dropping the SKYHOOK ELBOW… "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" …ON NOTHING BUT CANVAS! COACH The lights were on but nobody was home, Cole. COLE Serves Synth right for wasting all that time showboating. MEL turns onto his stomach pumping his fist and stomping his foot on the mat to energize himself and the crowd, brother MARV encouraging him on. Lolly and Colonel Abdullah aren’t as positive towards Synth, all screaming at him to make the tag, perhaps feeling the match slipping away. Synth reaches out and tags Logan, who grabs MEL by the foot and brings him up to his feet, spinning him around for a WICKED LEFT-- NO, MEL ANSWERS WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK AND THE TAG! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Pumping his fists wildly MARV goes BONKERS on Logan. Staggered by a series of blows Logan is easily whipped into the ropes and flipped onto his back. REVERSE DIVING HEADBUTT finds its mark and the cover is made. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MARV rams Logan into the buckle and hammers away from the second rope. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... Hearing footsteps MARV surprises Synth with a MOONSAULT and goes to town on him! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Suddenly CPA appears on the scene, TOSSING LOGAN OVER THE TOP ROPE AND THRUSTING HIS BOOT INTO THE FACE OF MARV! * DINGDINGDING * COLE No, not again! MEL attacks from the air, but he’s swatted away like a fly, then planted in the center of the ring courtesy of the HR BLOCKBUSTER (DOMINATOR)! COACH Message sent and received. COLE Get this guy out of here. And let’s do the same ourselves. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match as result of a DQ.... THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS. CPA is escorted backstage by OAOAST officials as we go to break or whatever. COMMERCIAL SCHOOL'S OUT. FALLOUT. BOHEMOTH SPEAKS NEXT

COLE Earlier this week, as you may have seen via OAOAST.com we finally caught up with Sly Sommers at our OAOAST studios in . Let's take a look at this pre-recorded comments, with some huge revelations! ****************** Sat in a darkened room on a black leather chair, Sly Sommers leans back with a bottle of sports drink resting in his lap. Across from him sits Josh Matthews, a longtime associate of Sly's. Sly seems in a pretty serious mood, as he takes a deep sigh and another swig from the bottle. MATTHEWS Sly, first off thanks for talking to us here. Sly nods in acknowledgement. MATTHEWS Now, as everyone is probably aware and you especially, we haven't seen you around since The Milan Spectacular last month. So, I guess the first question to ask is... where have you been? SLY Should have expected that one. You know, I know plenty of people have had theories on this. Some people thought I might have packed it in after everything that happened in Milan. Some probably thought I'd fallen off the wagon again and was laying in some dirty back alley in Italy somewhere off my face. Fact is, I just needed time. Time to evaluate things. I've been back a little while now and gaining trust has been hard. Like I said, some people still think I've got my 'issues'. So, I guess I was surprised when I was hit with what I was hit with. I've spent so long trying to get people to trust me, imagine my shock when somebody I trusted stung me. MATTHEWS You're referring of course to James Cone superkicking you after your match. SLY Right. MATTHEWS So, back to the question of where you've been. SLY Well, what Cone did really got to me, so I had to get my head around that. But also, I had to re-evaluate some things. See, Cone showed me that I wasn't where I wanted to be yet. He beat me fair and square, one, two, three before all the bull(-bleep-) that went down afterwards. I wrestled Bohemoth a few weeks before and he ran right through me. Fact is, I wasn't performing to the level I wanted to. Maybe being back made me so happy, it took me that superkick to realise I was coasting along a little bit. Whatever, I decided that instead of going back with the rest of the travelling party after the European tour, I'd go and get myself ready. The comeback was great. But now, just 'being back' isn't enough. Which is why the past few weeks, I've been off training with somebody to help me get back to my very best. Somebody to get the best from me. Hopefully we'll be seeing that real soon. MATTHEWS And, what of James Cone? He suffered an injury not long after your match in Milan and hasn't been seen recently either, but I'm sure the time you two have spent away hasn't done much to calm the waters. SLY Josh, Cone's got this weird notion in his head that I disrespected him. I made one offhand comment... no, no. It wasn't offhand, it was an honest appraisal. OAOAST officials wanted to sit me down and talk. Pull no punches. I just said what I felt. I never meant to cause offence... and the fact Cone reacted the way he did tells me maybe that appraisal was pretty spot on. Obviously I touched a nerve. MATTHEWS Did James Cone prove you wrong about 'having the passion' with that superkick on you? Sly takes another sip of his sports drink. SLY Yes. No. I don't know. He proved he had a mean streak, but he went about it the wrong way. You know, this isn't an issue of passion or an issue of what I think of him. This is now an issue of trust. And take this from someone who knows a thing about being distrusted by the masses... it's not a nice feeling. James Cone has taken a dangerous road in his career. Some will say I'm a liability because of my past. Now, some will say Cone is a guy who can't be trusted. Both pretty lonely places to be. I'm trying to come out of that, while James Cone is rapidly digging his way into that hole. So, I have a challenge for Mr. Cone. Sly turns away from Josh to the camera. SLY The best way to show you your mistake is to show you not what you won in Milan, but what you lost. Respect. So, I have a challenge for you. You find any four guys who are still willing to team up with you. I'll find four guys who are still willing to put their trust in me. And we'll meet up... in WAR GAMES! Josh's eyes peak at the announcement, as Sly stands up and leaves the studio. ****************** COLE The challenge set for War Games and we now know the match is on. Team Sommers to meet Team Pheonix, at War Games in Minneapolis! COACH And the real test may just be finding people to round out those teams. NEXT **** All 8 Male Champions In ONE ring THE MATCH OF CHAMPIONS~! OMG NEXT COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks, Jade Rodez recently spent some time in Los Angeles with grandmother, the esteemed, Genevieve Duncan. COACH Grandmami be on some next level GILF shit! Dayum! COLE Krista, and Krista's congressmen father, the fool to my left does not speak for me. Please don't use your government connections to confine to me to a lifetime in a four foot cell in Guantanamo Bay. Thank you for having mercy on me. Thanks to Molly Nerdly, the siclopse, her government grant and the NYU film program her parents are paying 30,000 bucks for her to attend, we see sisters Jade Rodez and Maya Duncan-Blanchard strolling down the streets of the Rodeo Drive district in Beverly Hills. Maya looks like she's been pulled from the pages of a Limited catalog in a silver polka dot dress, oversized Gucci red lens sunglasses, and a matching rhinestone belt. Jade has tried her hardest to achieve the same level of fashion as her sister and mother, but can't seem to escape the constricting binds of her typical tracksuit outfit, and simply wears powder blue track pants with a white tanktop. Perhaps Jade might find some decent fashions within the numerous shopping bags the girls hold in their hands. JADE I'm so nervous about seeing Genevieve..er...Grandmother. God, I don't even know what to call her. MAYA You can call yourself out of the family, if you even think about calling her grandmother, or grandma! Or anything that points out she's not our incredibly gorgeous youngest Aunt. And you should be nervous. Very, very nervous. You're the result of mom making out, without protection going against everything I learned in sex ed, with a dude six years older than her in a dirty greyhound bus station bathroom, and waiting eighteen years before her secret was finally revealed on national TV. Grand..Genevieve is going to find some way to make it sound naughty. JADE Hmmmm....Maybe it won't be so bad. MAYA Who knows what she's going to say? "Don't worry, dear. Hardly anyone uses the term 'bastard' anymore." Or, "I would have thought a girl like Krista would have friends with purses full of condoms." JADE Those come way to easily to you. MAYA I spend a lot of time listening to their phone conversations. JADE Maybe, she won't even mention my sort of weird introduction into this family. Whenever something odd happens at the Rodez's, as far as we're concerned it never happened. MOLLY (O.S.) That's terribly crazy! JADE That's Michigan. MAYA That's what it says on the license plate. "Nothing potentially awkward". With a picture of a beaver looking the other way. Jade laughs. JADE Thanks, Maya. MAYA For what? JADE For giving me a heads up, for warning me. That's a really sisterly thing for you to do for me. Its nice. MAYA Oh. Well, yeah, I started to feel guilty 'cause I've been using your toothbrush to give the cat a flea bath. That's all. GENEVIEVE (O.S.) There they are! My two little princesses. Jade is forced to quickly compose herself lest she incur the sudden and swift judgment of her grandmother. The woman, who looks like Krista only several years older and several shades greyer. She sits at an outdoor table at the Beverly Hills' Cheesecake factory, nursing a Martini. Her granddaughter's join her, manuevuering their bags past curious patrons GENEVIEVE Jade, Jade, you get more beautiful every year. MAYA You've only known her a couple months. Genevieve passes Maya a nasty glare as the girls sit down, shutting Maya up. GENEIVEIVE Jade, is there anything you can't wear? JADE Just my Uncle Leon's underwear as a hat, we had a talk about that when I was five. MAYA (to Jade) That's what it says on the license plate. "Nothing potentially awkward". With a picture of a beaver looking the other way. JADE Is there anything I can't wear? As long as it doesn't exceed the limit on the credit card... GENEVIEVE (passing the girls a pair of Visa giftcards) And for that there's Genevieve. MAYA Awesome! I knew there was a reason I came here instead of sneaking into Sex In The City! GENEVIEVE I have another gift for both you dear girls. As a waitress drops waters off between Maya and Jade, Genevieve pulls a baby blue blanket out of one of her many shopping bags. JADE Its a baby blanket, and its so beautiful! Thank you, what a thoughtful gift. GENEVIEVE My mother made it when Krista was born. Don't let the Pierre Cardin label fool you. She sewed it in when he was eight MAYA Ewwww...it smells like vodka. GENEVIEVE She slept on it until she was twenty five. You know, she slept with it for so long, I finally had to tell him a black man robbed us and took it. Oh, honies! Only now I realize how awful that sounds. I mean, today I would just say "a man." An Arab man. I hadn't planned on saving it for her, quite frankly. I had always assume there was some manner of fallopian tube tying with the coming out. But, they seem to have rescinded that law in 1968. Here we are, back in the gay minefield. The flowers are prettier, but the bombs are still there. While Maya and Jade search for a way to change the subject, the waitress does this for them by coming to take a drink order. WAITRESS May I get you two lovely ladies something to drink. GENEVIEVE They'll have a scotch... MAYA On the rocks please! JADE We're not old enough to drink! GENEVIEVE Oh, honey, that's right! In which case, I'll take two scotches and they'll take two minutes to watch me drink them both. As Genevieve laughs at her mediocre humor, Jade and Maya mouth the words “cherry coke” and send the server on their way. GENEVIEVE I hope you two are getting along well. I do hope so. What is there more important in life than a sister's love? Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there. JADE I agree. Yes. GENEVIEVE A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. JADE Right, well put. Well put. GENEVIEVE (looking down) To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. MAYA Are you reading those? GENEVIVE Oh honey, how absurd! JADE Yeah, you look like you're reading them. Molly zooms in on a napkin that is littered with numerous quotes and ideas on the subject of sisterhood from people such as Toni Morrison, Ami Li, Maya Angelou, Charles Schultz, and even George Washington! GENEVIEVE That's it. You're both out the will. Moving on, do you ever wonder why I look so good? Do you ever contemplate what motivates a seventy...woman of undetermined age to sculpt her body into something fit for lying stark naked atop the silk sheets in Hugh Heffner's boudoir? MAYA I think about all day at school. Whenever there's a cute guy hanging around my locker at school, I'm just like get lost, I'm thinking about my grandmother's naked body. And I think it might be because...you're insecure. GENEVIEVE She's fabulous, a fabulous kidder, and of course she's kidding because if she was being serious I'd tell her mother she was talking to a boy and she'd never leave the house until she's collecting newsletters from AARP. I do what I do, because I'm not happy being average. Most people are. They settle for things, darlings. MAYA I'd settle for not getting caught between bogger fights between Stephen Vogel and Trey Wilcox in 9 AM biology class. MOLLY (O.S.) I'd settle for not getting caught between bogger fights between Ned and Simon in my great uncle's funeral procession. GENEVIEVE Darlings, you have to continually be pushing to be better. People settle for the average and don't try to look for anything better. I want you to be the best you can be. Like moi. And that is why I have the finest jewelery on my wrist, the nicest cars in the garage, the best looking husban..well two out of three. But you can't stop yourself from hitting the pinnacle. Jade, I know how hard you've striven to live up to your mother's achievements, and her accolades. But you don't have to impress her, she loves you. She loves you both. You're the joys of her life. MAYA I thought that was her lifesize standup of Lucy Lawless? GENEVIEVE And you're both wonderful children. You don't have to meet her expectations, you already have. You have to meet mine. And the quicker the better, because my kids are disasters. They make me Chaloshes! MAYA What about Uncle Nick? GENEVIEVE Nick, Nick, god Nick. I don't want to kvetch here but I'm devastated that he decided to turn his back on acting for nursing school of all sins against his beloved mother. JADE Sometimes when you turn your back you create an opportunity for your front. GENEVIEVE Yes, but acting is his life, dear. His passion! His raison d'etre, non? Without it, he's just another sexually ambiguous male living off his trust fund in a town overflowing with them. MAYA He's played all the great roles, you know? Man on bus, man at counter, man number 3. Woman. As a nurse, he only has to play one role: JADE doctor. MAYA Uh, Aunt Ariel? GENEVIEVE Ariel! She's a moisheh kapoyer! MAYA (to Jade and the SiClopse) A person who does everything backwards. GENEVIEVE She soaks her bare breasts, that I gave her for graduation, in cat pee for a couple of minutes in front of few liquored up PHD's from Harvard at a loft in Brooklyn and suddenly that makes her an artist? MAYA Doesn't she have some paintings hanging at the Guggenhiem? GENEVIEVE If only we had the hours and patience for me to get into your dear Aunt Ariel. She's marrying a gay black Ethiopian man to help him stay in the country. Wouldn't it have been easier for her to run me over with a truck? JADE Aunt Clara? GENEVIEVE Your aunt Clara, disloyal, disobident. What is she doing having dinner with her children, I think some of them suffer from low level downs syndrome, on our traditional Hanukkah-shopping weekend? What else should I possibly say? Sure, she has the personality of a tree stump, and spending time with her is like sitting through a Kirk Douglas movie marathon. But Hanukkah is all about... misery and... obligation... and the Maccabees riding an elephant, or whatever the hell Hanukkah is about. But she can stay with her children! Who needs her and her supermarket makeup. JADE I wear supermarket makeup! Maya kicks Jade beneath the table. JADE Uh.....beddah them you, beddah them than you. That's what I say! GENEVIEVE And your mother. Oy vey! Where did I go wrong? All I wanted was for her to marry good Jewish boy, or even a good Christian boy willing to convert and become a rabbi an send his devout catholic parents a video tape of the conversion. And now this lesbian thing, a complete assault on her father's ability to ever move up in political office. An affront to my dreams of living in governor's mansion or better yet The White House. And there are times when I think maybe I had something to do with her becoming a lesbian. I used to let her go with her Aunt Peg to these Sports Illustrated Swimsuit shoots when she was younger because she said she liked photography. There was the time when we had six girls from the Swedish bikini team stay for the summer when she was in middle school, and whenever they went to beach Krista had to rub suntan lotion on them. Her babysitter was a Playboy playmate, she had excellent references. She liked dancing, so I used to take her down to the old forum to watch The Laker Girls practice. Her pediatrician was on the cover of Vogue several times. And she did get private swimming lessons from a Jamaican supermodel. No, I can't say I did anything that would've helped make her to a lesbian, nothing whatsoever. Just the hand fate dealt me. MAYA AND JADE ..... GENEVIEVE Maya, a girl as witty, funny, and as into sports as you is most likely heading down your mother's romantic path. So, Jade any boys in your life? Any cute Jewish boys, with a trust fund, a law or medical degree in your life? JADE Um....no actually no. Boyfriend wise I've been pretty in the dumps since about... MOLLY (O.S.) All your life? JADE Yes. GENEVIEVE Oh, honey, we've got to change that! What's a woman without a man to pay her millions of dollars in alimony and child support? JADE Well....mom did say that next week, she's gonna take me speed dating to help me with my...non existent love life. GENEVIEVE Oh, honey, speed dating! How wonderful! MOLLY (O.S.) Bisexual speed dating. GENEVIEVE I repeat “Why don't you all just run me over with a truck?” I need that like I need a hole in the head! As the three Duncan women continue to chat we fade out.. COMMERCIAL

Dear lads, were you aware that the near 300 yr old city of Trenton is the capital of New Jersey? If so you got an A in 4th grade geography. Let's celebrate the democratic process and its inability to usher in real change with a view of the state's capital building, and Tokio Hotel's Ready Set Go BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit. Currently in the ring, from Alaska, weighing 190 pounds… THE ESKIMO KID! Dressed like an Eskimo, the Kid waves at the crowd, receiving tons of support from children in the audience. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 Showered by golden pyro, “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan hears it from the crowd as he poses onstage alongside Women’s Champ Malaysia. BUFFER His opponent, accompanied by the NEW OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPION, the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, MALAYSIA NERDLY! From San Antonio, Texas, 238 pounds… MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” As he reaches the ringside area, Jock becomes incensed after a GROUP OF KIDS from the Make-A-Wish Foundation pat him on his arm/shoulder. Upon realizing who they are he changes his tune and acts friendly, no different than when heels visit our fighting men and women overseas. Except Jock is a dick and CHEWS THE KIDS OUT WHILE MALAYSIA CRACKS HER WHIP! COACH COLE Why that no good dirty rotten son of a… How can you laugh at that, Coach? It’s despicable. Mr. Dick rubs out the rest of his frustrations on the Eskimo Kid, beating him senseless before raking the laces of his boot across the Kid’s face. Temporarily blinded, the Eskimo Kid’s rammed into the buckle and pummeled in the corner. Whipped to the far corner he’s then splashed and nailed with a running kick to the face! COACH You talk about impact. That’s impact. A STIFF KICK to follow a BITE OF MY GIANT DICK. Jock’s giant dick not mine, although mine’s big too. I’m a brother. COLE And Baron Windels used to view Jock Mulligan as a brother. He’s standing by right now with these pre-recorded comments. Jock poses and taunts fans as the logo swoops in and settles in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Baron standing tall in front of a cloudy grey backdrop. COACH Baron’s got it all wrong, Cole. Jock’s the one who’s gonna to beat some sense into him, not the other way around. COLE We’ll find out in 3 weeks time at the Great Angle Bash. Mr. Dick scoops the Eskimo Kid across his shoulders and drops him down onto both knees, knocking the wind out of him. COLE THE COCK BLOCK! ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… “MR. DICK“ JOCK MULLIGAN! The music plays and the replay airs. Then a special on-screen message. LIVE NEXT WEEK GUESTS MR. DICK & MALAYSIA COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT **** All 8 Male Champions In ONE ring THE MATCH OF CHAMPIONS~! NEXT THE UNSINKABLE MOMMY DUNCAN THE DUNCAN GIRLS PAY A VISIT TO GENEVIEVE DUNCAN LATER!

We're shown an outdoor image of the OAOAST's total refusal to shell out the cash to lease a decent arena in a city that someone outside of the northeast can actually pinpoint on a map as Sara Bareilles "Bottle It Up" laments our lack of decent accomodations. After that not-so passive agressive jab at our schedule makers passes we're brought to the live arena where... "Liberate" by Disturbed starts playing just as soon as we return from commercial, and the capacity crowd in the arena seems pleased to here the theme song of a certain hoss. Stepping out from the back, the ever-dapper BOHEMOTH appears before the crowd, drawing a favorable response...a far cry from some of the reactions he has gotten recently. COLE Listen to the crowd, Coach! It seems like Bohemoth is back in their good graces after School's Out! COACH They're just following the leader, Mikey Cole. Now that Bo is in good standing with Zack, of COURSE they're not going to boo him! COLE Why would you say that? COACH Because it's on the scri... COLE OH! Okay then, good point! COACH What? Seemingly pleased with the reception, as it's certainly better than what he's been getting in recent weeks, Bo smirks kindly to the crowd as he takes the mic and addresses them. BO I wanted to come out here tonight and talk about what went down at School's Out just a little over a week ago. I want to talk about what went down between Zack Malibu and I not only in that match, but after it. The crowd, respectful of Bo now, applaud his statement, and likely his effort in that contest. BO School's Out was a huge wakeup call for me. It's no secret I went into that match ready to do Zack Malibu bodily harm like no other has done before. I had grown sick of his ego, of his political stroke, and honestly, I had grown sick of him as a human being. I wanted to END Zack Malibu at School's Out. The crowd, who had come back around to Bo's side, start booing in defense of their hero. BO Hey, don't start with the boos just yet, let me finish. I admit, that was my motivation heading into that match. Zack and I have had quite the history, what with my former allegiances and all, but the feud we've had, it started as a competition, as a way for us to motivate each other to be the best, to better ourselves. Somewhere along the way, that changed. It became more than a race...it became a war. It became about more than just a chance at the OAOAST World Title...it became about respect, and blindly I couldn't see that Zack was trying to motivate me to come at him hard, to not let friendship get in the way. Obviously, that's the way things went down, but not the way he expected. After all our differences, he stuck his hand out to me not once, but twice, and I refused it. I refused to believe that Zack wasn't trying to come out of it looking like the bigger man, to try and overshadow me, but after the night he beat me on live television, it stirred something inside me. It made me realize that Zack Malibu was right...that in this business, it's a luxury to have people's respect. In that locker room you have allies and you have enemies, but very rarely do you have friends. In a business as cutthroat as ours, a handshake is like being handed a million dollars...you'd be a fool not to take it, and that's why I'm glad Zack Malibu was able to turn the other cheek and didn't let our recent history affect his decision to shake my hand at School's Out. It's also why I'd like to ask Zack Malibu to come out here right now, because for those of you who may have missed out on School's Out, I'm going to shake his hand in the middle of this ring right now! The crowd roars, and Bo turns towards the entranceway, only having to wait for a few seconds before Papa Roach's anthem "Getting Away With Murder" whips the crowd into a frenzy! COLE Here he comes! As well-dressed as his peer that stands in the ring, Malibu comes out to a great reaction, pleasing the paying audience with his appearance. Zack heads to the ring and steps through the ropes, going nose to nose with Bo before the two men shake hands once again to a huge pop. Bo mouths something to Zack, who responds, and Bo hands over the mic, stepping back and offering center stage to the OAOAST's favorite son. MALIBU You know, Bo, you're absolutely right. This is a cutthroat business that we've decided to become a part of, and yes, friends are few and far between. I know that weeks back, you thought that the things I said and did were a part of some grand scheme to undermine what you accomplished, and the face is, it never was. You DID beat me at Anglemania, and you won our little series at School's Out, and I make no excuses. You are a phenomenal athlete, one of the best in our locker room and one of the best that's come along in a long time. The fact is is that those qualities, there's a lot of people who can have them...but to be more than just a face in the crowd, sometimes you have to step up. You have to earn your keep, and that's why I'm glad you got fired up. Do I wish that we did things differently? Some, because there were a few times I thought we were at the point of no return. Think back to over six years ago, when I won my first World Title from Anglesault...there was a guy at that time who HATED me. Despised me, cursed the ground I walked on...and you would think that after I took his World Title from him, it would fuel that rage that much more, only it didn't. It opened his eyes. It made him see that I was willing to go to any length not just for myself, but for this company, and THAT is why I am who I am today. I made myself by giving it my all, never quitting, and ultimately, respecting this business and what brought me to the dance. Did I fear you taking my spot, Bo? Honestly, no...because you have your own spot to fill in wrestling history. You don't need mine. You aren't going to need to fill anyone's shoes, because you've got your own pair on...nice pair by the way...I'm sure that was $500 well spent... Bo snickers, and the crowd gets a quick laugh at the expense of the Metrosexual Monster. MALIBU ...but you are THERE. You have the attention of millions of fans, of everyone in that locker room, and most of all, you have earned where you are at the old fashioned way. You came at me strong, you never let up, and you deserve to be respected for everything you've done. Bo says "Thank you" to Zack, and while that is met with cheers, they soon shift to boos, as two superstars emerge to make their presence felt in the arena. COACH Looks like we got company, Mikey Cole! COLE James Blonde and Faqu? What are they doing out here? Faqu just stands there, snarling in menacing fashion, while Blonde, the more articulate of the duo, takes his mic. BLONDE Sorry to interrupt the lovefest here, fellas, but...are you KIDDING ME? Bo, I mean, you can't be this stupid, can you? You're getting taken for a ride, my friend. See, let me tell you something about Zack Malibu. Zack Malibu offered you his hand not once, but twice, and you didn't take it. You made the right choice on those nights. As for School's Out, tell me, how easy was it to shake someone's hand while they're holding a knife in it? The crowd, not happy with Blonde's allusions, let him have it verbally. BLONDE Oh boo-hoo. You people are just as blind. Zack Malibu is a human meat grinder...just taking whoever he can and cutting them down until they're of no use to him anymore. You think I don't know that, Bo? He did it to us! He suckered us in with the whole claim of respecting us, and what did it get us? Sent back to Japan to rot? We had to fight like hell to get back here to the OAOAST, and do you know why? Because Crybaby Malibu was still pissed that we didn't help him fight his battles for him! We were the only ones to stand up to the Almighty Malibu, and he tried to starve us for it! MALIBU I tried to STARVE you? You guys had it MADE here, and you, big man...you beat me in that cage for the HI-YAH Title two years ago, but you don't make mention of the fact that you left me to the wolves that same night. You don't mention the fact that I got distracted, on a personal level, by Bruce Blank, and that maybe holding your hands and letting you feed off our friendship wasn't of high importance! I have no problems respecting people's decisions to act alone, or to do their own thing, but don't you dare pin your career ups and downs on me! BLONDE Career ups and downs? Zack, let me make one thing perfectly clear...Faqu and I, our potential is LIMITLESS. We were written off as nothing more than an opening match act before you had even made your bones around here, and went overseas, worked out in some of the most brutal dojos, took on some of the best talent the Land of the Rising Sun had to offer, and we came back driven, motivated, READY. You saw the two young lions tearing through the jungle and you wanted to attatch yourselves to us oh so badly, and when we shot you down, you took it like a jilted lover, and NOW you're doing it to this guy. He kicked your ass TWICE in legit matches, nevermind all the times before you guys had even locked up, and now you're his drinking buddy? I mean Bo, are you THAT naive? Zack, rolling his eyes about Blonde's accusations, hands the mic to Bo so that he can answer. BO Am I that naive? No, I don't have a hard time believing anything, Blonde...including the fact that it seems you're placing the blame on the shoulders of someone who shouldn't have to carry that weight! Blonde isn't happy now, and Faqu simply fumes. BO Zack's reached out to a lot of people, and yeah, some have been more receptive than others. What I think is that now, you're witnessing something that you've been striving for since you came back here, something that's been missing since the days you were considered just another spot filled on the roster...it seems to me that you want RESPECT, and if that's the case, then why don't you and the big man do something about it! Faqu starts to storm the ring, but Blonde stands in his way, his act of cowardice drawing boos from the crowd. BLONDE Easy big man, easy. You know what, Bo, fine. Don't say I didn't warn you about him. When that knife is in your back, I won't be the one to pull it out. As for your offer, you want us to do something, we just might! Bo rolls up his sleeve and checks his watch, then looks at Zack. Simultaneously, they both step back and wave Blonde and Faqu on, drawing a huge response! COLE I have a bad feeling, Coach! Blonde, angered over being taunted, let's Faqu go, and he runs right behind him! The duo hit the ring, and now all four men are brawling, with Blonde going after Bo and Faqu targeting Zack! COLE It's a pier six brawl! COACH Can't you count, there's only four of them! Bo whips Blonde to the ropes and elevates him with a back bodydrop, then dumps him over the ropes with a lariat just as he gets to his feet! Zack meanwhile has Faqu in the corner, hammering on him with punches, but Faqu shoves Zack off! Zack quickly rolls to his feet and blocks a savate kick from the savage Samoan, then kicks him low, takes him by the head and hurls him through the ropes! COLE Dispatched as quickly as they came, and James Blonde and Faqu are not happy! "Getting Away With Murder" booms over the PA once again, as the fans go wild, with Zack and Bo standing tall inside the squared circle. Faqu knocks the ring stairs over and tries to get back into the ring, but Blonde does his best to hold his partner back, while at the same time vowing revenge. COLE I have a feeling this isn't the last we'll hear about this from any of the parties involved! COACH Parties? Why do you wait until the last minute to tell me these things? LATER ON TONIGHT THE UNSINKABLE MOMMY DUNCAN THE DUNCAN GIRLS PAY A VISIT TO GENEVIEVE DUNCAN LATER!

I didn't even know Trenton actually had an arena for that matter! It turns out we'll be in the 8,610 seat Sovereign Bank Arena! Hooray we're going out of business!

solid showing from those who came out. Huge match announcement at the start of the show, was Faqu speaking a real language or was KC trying to pull one over our shared ignorance and fear of the island savage people? Leon styling his hair during the Jade skit and the match was hella funny, because my entire day is spent perfecting my hair. Shit, I failed a class once because I couldn't get my hair looking right. I gots to stay fly in the streets,b. Its interesting how Jade's more talkative and forceful in her speech with Leon and with everyone else (Molly, Krista, Maya, etc) she just sorts of clams up and lets them direct the conversation. We call that character depth. Solid sonning of Uno, with Leon showing mercy before irreparable damage to Uno's psyche could be caused. Could Tony have dreamed of the success the Nerdly's have found when he created Marvin and Melvin the Fanboys those many years ago? Malaysia stays looking dominant against out classed competition. These past couple of Malaysia matches and appearances have done a good job establishing her as a monster. Obviously Molly is the antidote to the Nerdly monster that ails us. Someone should make her champ. Wait, I'm that someone! Brilliant press conference with Moneymaker showing fire and anger against AS. high quality work from 149, and nice touch with the non-enterprise heels around to pay respects. And, hey, Baron's back. And more fine work from 149. What I liked here was that Baron didn't try and paint Jock has his sworn enemy. He still professed a fondness and appreciation while promising to deliver a beatdown.

Disco's blight on mankind “Disco Duck” spills out the arena sound system, and with comes IT numerous groans from the audience. The venua is morphed into a brightly colorful throwback to golden age of disco, oversized shimmering lights that seem like they come from a massive disco ball dance across the arena, while lights that look like thick bubbles in a lava lamp bounce up and down the arena walls. All this is done to welcome disco's blight on the OAOAST, Vinny Valentine. Attired in snake skin bell bottoms and matching rimmed sunglasses, Vinny busts his trademark disco dances beneath a spotlight that alternates purple, yellow and blue. He hasn't come alone however, flanked by Biff Atlas, Lucius Soul and Rico De Janiero. Though all four look insanely odd, Biff looks most ridiculous of all with his body stuffed inside a pair of khaki pants and a life vest and his eyes pouring over and OSHAA report. Whereas Vinny hams it up with the dancing, Rico and Lucius play it as cool as possible, scouring the arena for any attractive woman to take back to the motel tonight. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following six person contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of forty minutes! Now making their way to the ring accompanied by Sweet Lucius Soul, first from Venice Beach, California, Biff Atlas! And from Brooklyn, The Disco Duck Vinny Valentine! And from Rio De Janeiro he is the appropriately named Rico De Janiero! The foursome trudge down the ramp, led by Valentine, who can't stop offering bold proclamations of victory and greatness for his unit. Obviously he doesn't know who he's fighting. Rico continues to try and trade beads for boobs, and again comes up pitifully short, bringing his record on such matters to 0-30000000. He then decides to put the beads to good use and shoves them inside his flag pattern tights. See, stuffing your pants doesn't work if everyone sees you do it. Trust me. COLE This is quite the interesting cast of characters we have coming down the ramp. We're all familiar with the history The Wrecking Crew have with Krista, blaming her from everything from their horrible performance in the OAOAST to slave labor in Thailand. But, The Wrecking Crew has also had a few run ins with D*LUX as well... COACH Cause they some psychotic, obsessed, nutjobs. Yo, mami fly and everything, but, come on fam. Have some dignity. COLE They're fighting Biff Atlas. Dignity is optional for winning. Showing up is the only requirement. Atlas carefully enters the ring, making certain to inspect every nuance off the squared circle to see it fits the requirements listed in his OSHAA pamphlet. Valentine dances his heart out in the center of the ring, while Rico stands atop the turnbuckle rubbing his hands through his thick chest hair and letting all the ladies know what a stud their missing out on. Depressing, but I'm sure they'll live. COACH Vinny Valentine, Biff, Rico, and Soul may not got the best record in the company, but what they got is respect. You saw them at Moneymaker's press conference, showin respect to the legend. That's because real recognizes real, and unlike the rest of the roster, these men had the courage to stand up for the right thing. Props. No matter what happens tonight, ya'll winners in the Coach's mind. Stay grindin, playboys! Give me something to believe in Cause I don't believe in you Anymore, Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye As the audience is brought to their feet by the funky stylings of Maroon 5's hit, the targets of their cheers, “Tremendous” Tyler and “Showtime” Shayne emerge from parting entrance doors onto a stage that's flooded by ultra colorful flickering green and gold spotlights. Bursting with excitement at being able to team with Krista, Tyler bounds across the stage inviting the fans to join him in his own crazed frenzy. Equally as pumped up to team with Krista is Shayne, who rips away a Detroit Red Wings jersey to reveal a slender body that has the teenage girls fainting on sight. Jade is as usual a testament to clam. In a the same pink tracksuit she always wears, she waves happily to an applauding fanbase. BUFFER And the opponents being accompanied by Jade Rodez, first from The Motor City, Detroit, Michigan, they weigh in at a total combined weight of three hundred eighty eight pounds, they are “Tremendous” Tyler, “Showtime” Shayne, they are D*LUUUXXXXXXXX! COLE Jade back at the side of D*LUX after an extended vacation! COACH Anywhere that's not near Malaysia is probably best for J-Ro. You think her mom would get handled by another WOMAN like that? Only if it was part of some fetish! That's hot! COLE Well, speaking of her mom. This won't be Jade's first time in being up close and at ringside when she wrestles, but it will be her first time with her knowing that Krista is her mother. And there's been some talk that Krista is much more prolific than Jade in many aspects of life, so maybe being out near her, she'll soak up some of Krista's style. COACH Yo, what's the over/under on Leon eventually shacking up with Malaysia Vs Malaysia smearing his balls into a fine paste? Leon did his best Krista impression earlier, you think D*LUX might try the same here? Naw, them illiterate fools can't even form a complete sentence. The jubilation of the D*LUX boys spreads like wildfire and causes the crowd to increase the intensity of their cheers. On the way to the ring, Shayne devotes his attention to the throng of teenage girls in the audience, nodding and pointing to everyone he sees, causing them to fall over with delirious delight. Tyler plays to the camera, smiling, waving, and throwing shout outs to his fans at home. Jade remains cool and collected, simply offering polite smiles and waves towards the still standing audience. Eventually Tyler and Shayne spill into the ring, where they pass along fists pumps before turning menacing glares onto their foes. Unsurprisingly the rouges gallery aren't overly intimidated by their youthful rivals and only recoil in mock fear. But just that one musical note is all it takes for faux fear to become very real... When the red light comes on I TRANSFORM. Look in my eyes covered in Maybeline Looking like something fresh out of a magazine I can be part of your deepest fantasies You’re the detective Come solve my mystery The tiles of the entrance stage are awash in flickering rainbow lights, cycling with colors at a frantic pace to match Danitys Kane's bombastic pop tune. But the unique illumination of the flooring is but a mere afterthought when placed beside what lies on top of it, a plethora of gorgeous leggy women, outfitted in yellow pleated micro skirts and purple lycra halter tops, twirl purple pom-poms in a hypnotizing dance of incredible seduction. They twist their arms back and forth while their curvy hips enchant an audience with fast-paced yet delightfully sensual grinding. Of course their simply a well dressed appetizer to an under dressed main course. With the grace off a ballerina Krista's glides herself between the dancers that now direct their every movement towards her, to the front of the stage. There the grinning beauty cuts a defiant hands on hips pose, showing off a short gold skirt that displays her long, well muscled and toned legs, and a small diamond studded leather halter top pushed up her two ample breasts. Its an outfit skimpy enough to make her daughter blush, and D*LUX nearly fall over in rapture. BUFFER And their partner from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, a recent inductee into The Hollywood Walk of Fame, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, the star of the VH1 reality show the look of love, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, The other half of the Angle Award winning tag team of the year, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl, a bad girl) I can be your addiction if you wanna Get hooked on me I, I can be your addiction if you wanna Get hooked on me A mammoth amount of photographers and photojournalists crowd around an entrance ramp that's been beautified with a carpet of wonderful grey glitter that sparkles beneath the pink and blue lights. For all they care, the floor could be covered in mud, as its Krista and her traffic stopping walk that holds prisoner their cameras and attention. At the end of the ramp, Krista tilts her head back and captivates cameramen, audience, and especially D*LUX with a typically arresting smirk. COLE We often note that Krista never loses a match, but she does actually have four blights on her record. Now two of them are to Ned Blanchard, and Theodore Moneymaker. But the other two are to Holly-Wood and Marcellus Wallace. Now, if Holly and Marcellus have done it, perhaps that gives hope to these lesser lights tonight? COACH No. But they should be happy! You don't get to wrestle someone with a star on the walk of fame every day! You ain't gonna see Drew Barrymore throwing heel hooks on niggas in bumfights. So, be happy. With a slow deliberate grace, so as to continue to hold captivate her audience, Krista's long tan legs glide across the ring apron. At the center of the surface, where the crowd's bombastic cheering grows its loudest, Krista tightens her ankles around the third ropes and bends backwards, holing herself in midair. Camera flashes flicker at an alarmingly fast rate, dressing the flexible babe in a brilliant white glow. Krista is unusually unfocused on the attention of the photographers and fans and instead waves happily to Jade, who returns a sheepish smile towards her awkwardly positioned mother. DING DING DING! Vinny declares himself the starter for his team based on little more then his assertion that he is “Hip to the groove, daddy-o!”. His partners are more then happy to grant his wish, realizing their opponents have five titles between them to their one HI-YAH tag title run. Who begins the match is a bit trickier for Team Krista. This is due to Shayne and Tyler wanting first crack at impressing Krista with their sharp skills, and fly denim pants! Thus they argue with the shrill rage of young sisters fighting for a favorite doll. COACH The way Krista stays shittin on these simps emotions is nothin short of a violation of human rights. Its so bad I'ma be up on late night television asking you to do your part to prevent this horror before it happens again. COLE Personally I think its harmless. If not futile. But, hey, I've got a crush on Neil Patrick Harris and he makes John Wayne look like Nathan Lane. COACH Neil Patrick Harris is gay. COLE Hope at last! No longer at least mildly entertained by D*LUX's unending argument, Krissy latches onto Tyler's ear and drags him out the ring. Shayne throws insult onto insult by passing his whining partner a mock look of sympathy. “You don't love me anymore!” Tyler whines. “I never loved-” TYLER KRISTA ....Burma...and I say that because...I wish more cyclones would kill its citizenry and destroy its already very weak infrastructure. TYLER Thrilled that Krista's disgust is for the innocent victims of a cyclone and not himself, Tyler hardly notices when Vinny Valentine puts his partner down with a sneak shoulder block. The crowd isn't as unaware as the teen-scream and pelts Vinny with a smattering of boos. The disco duck jaws back with them as he guides Brave off the canvas by his stringy blond hair. With Bryant upright, but still dazed by the shoulder block, Valentine is able to mangle his chest with four fast paced knife edge chops. Before a fifth one can hit, Shayne topples into the ropes, the might of Vinny's attack already weakening him to the point of exhaustion. Though his partners urge him to continue his early assault, Valentine would rather incite the audience's disdain with the worst hip swiveling in the history of man. He looks like the swirling insides of colonoscopy tube. Thankfully his vomit worthy show is cut to a halt, by the now recovered Brave who pelts him with a flying forearm. The shot lands solidly on Vinny's oversized nose, and he stumbles backwards with his vision fading into a muddy blur. Brave is quick to take advantage of Vinny's near blinded state by bounding off the ropes. He returns with super speed, and catches his arm around Valentine's head for a bulldog. But, the Brooklyn native has this move well scouted, and tightens his hands around Shayne's skinny waist to lock him place. Shayne isn't held stationary for very long before the OAOAST's lord of the outdated and outlandish dance hoists him into the air for a back drop. COLE Big move coming up! Furiously and frantically, Shayne kicks his tiny legs to throw himself free of Vinny's clutches. Valentine's grip is too weak to combat such a sustained escape effort and in seconds Brave is flipping his way off of Vinny's shoulders. He lands slightly off balance, his black boots shifting his legs in opposite directions and leaving him open to a disco-discus punch from the Disco Duck. But to the audience's joy, Shayne shuts down Vinny's attack mid twirl with a leg lariat! Even as Vinny hits the canvas with pain spilling across his already bruised face, the speedster is skating towards the ropes nearest his team. He leaps onto the third rope and spends...far, far, too much time staring down Krista's far,far too low cut top. The heavenly valleys of her gorgeous mammary are erased from mind by the hellish fires of the dropkick Valentine slams into his ankles. Trailed by the echo of his own horrified screams Shayne plummets to the canvas before hitting ground with remarkable force. His tortured cries put tears in the corner of many a teenage girl's eye, but a cruel expression onto Vinny's sneering face. “BOOOOOOOO!” they shout in rage and sadness. “Three words: Sit on it!” Valentine screams back, pointing to his crotch. “I'm sure they would, if half the roster hadn't already beaten them to it on the trip back from Europe. Its a long ride, and those Sarah Jessica Parker movies edited for content and to fit the format of your screen just don't cut it like that, disco inferno.” Krista comments. Vinny snarls at Krista but has no comeback that's even reasonably insulting. As such he can only take his embarrassment and humiliation out on Brave's waif like stomach, hammering it with stomps from his snake skin boots. The vile strikes have the fans booing with every bit of anger in their heart. Vinny taunts them by wiping false tears out his eyes with one hand while using he other to haul Brave to his corner. There he slaps hands with the perpetually hopeless Biff Atlas, bringing the environmentalist turned paranoid safety geek into the contest. As Biff takes great caution in entering the ring, to insure he doesn't tear a muscle, Vinny tightens Shayne's arms around his back to set up a double team attack. The problem then becomes that Atlas is far to concerned with making certain the turnbuckle pads are properly tightened. “Wouldn't want to have a slippidy do, big fella!” Biff informs a frowning Rico. “Or, as they say in your native lands, a slippidy-doestas.” “Nobody say that in Rico's country, mang!” COLE How do these people get jobs? Is the OAOAST a work release program for the criminally insane? Flex Phillips come back! All is forgiven! “Biffy Atlas, you're smooth as exlax!” Vinny complains, “Hurry up and smash this zipperhead to the bone, daddy-o!” “Ten four good buddy!” Biff shouts. And although his spirit may be in the right place, his body is anything but; he's blasted back into the turnbuckle by the swinging boots of Brave. And thanks to his tightening of the pads, they have absolutely no give and shred through his back like razor wire. But Atlas' pain is only an appetizer to the greater misery of Valentine who is chucked over the ropes by the resurgent boybander! Valentine actually succeeds in landing on his feet, but his common sense and cowardice conspire to keep him on the outside. “Good job!” Jade shouts “Way to go Shayne! If god was a guy who looked sort of like a cute fifteen year old girl, he wouldn't be you, but he'd look remarkably close to you!” Krista shouts. With face filled red by blushing and a smile as large as the entire state, Shayne turns to Krista in joy and totally ignores Jade. That's when Biff makes his first strike; the pocket powerhouse peels himself off the ropes and smashes his khaki pants into Brave's back with a double knee strike. “Showtime” is toppled to the canvas, where he instantly clutches sore bones. “Maybe, I should wear a potato sack and a muzzle next time I'm out here.” Krista wonders. Atlas crouches his minuscule frame into an attack position, and orders Brave to lift himself off the canvas. Still dazed by the unexpected attack, Shayne seems incapable of following these orders and lies on the mat wounded. This annoys an impatient Atlas, and he solves the problem by grabbing on to the seat of Brave's pants and pulling the boy upright. Brave has yet to recover his strength, and so is easily locked into a full nelson from the safety guru. Matched against Biff's bodybuilder sized arms. Shayne sinewy physique has almost zero hope in wiggling out of the dangerous hold. Although he gives an escape effort his all, he's still brought into the air and nearly driven through the canvas by a full nelson plant! Brave's back arches upright the moment he hits the floor, and he screams in agony, both things being enough for the teenage girls in the stands to call for Atlas' head. COLE The Recycling Plant! COACH That was last gimmick. Now its just a lowly, nameless, full nelson plant. And the world is worse because of it. Shayne drags his tattered bones off the canvas, but in his current state he's easy pickings for Atlas, and Biff easily picks him apart with rapid fire elbow smashes. The shots send the Tiger Beat cover boy stuttering backwards and scrambling to protect his cute face from further attacks. Biff lets him retreat into a false sense of security, as he gathers speed on the ropes. Once he reaches Brave, he lowers his shoulder and extends his arms for a spear. However, Shayne offers an agile counter to the dangerous attack, flinging his body forward and taking Biff over with a sunset flip! Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer drops to his fake knees to count the fall while the audience screams their approval... ONE But Biff kicks out long before Clem's sloooooow moving arm can hit the mat a second time. “That's the way you do it, mang!” Rico shouts on the outside. “They wanna go to war, we take them to war!” If this is war as Rico suggests, its one Biff might want to consider waving the white flag on, thanks to the mounted punches that bomb across his face courtesy of a very angry, and very eager to impress Krista Shayne “WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME!” the young ladies sing. When he has enough of rearranging Biff's facial structure, the former Idol contestant guides Atlas to the corner, and applies the tag with his partner. ”YEAAAAAAA!” Tyler gives the audience another reason to rejoice by mowing Biff down with a springboard lariat! He pops up and triumphantly pumps his forearm in the air, earning a large amount of applause from the small town fans. Unnoticed by the army of Tyler devotees is Atlas scrambling to his feet. Exhausted and feeling the sweat build up on the mat has made for unsafe working conditions, Atlas desperately seeks a tag. Unfortunately with his partners are halfway across the ring, he's easily victimized by Bryant who shoves him into his team's corner. With Biff seemingly paralyzed by his weariness and pain, Tyler backs towards the center of the ring. He motions for the crowd to make a little noise, and when they give him an ear bursting amount of shouts he darts across the ring to decapitate Biff with a knee strike! But, Atlas, summons all the energy in his muscular body and pulls himself away from the teen idol's attack. The crowd can breath some sigh of relief as Tyler stopped just short of the ring posts, negating any future need for reconstructive knee surgery. But its Biff who breathes easiest and most joyfully of all, as he makes a mad dash across the ring to tag Rico into the ring. The burly shitkicker, saunters into the ring with typical South American swagger, looking as smug as if he just slept with your wife and sent you a Pix message to prove it. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” out very xenophobic fans chant. With eyes flaring a menacing sort of hatred, De Janeiro flings himself to the very position Biff so cowardly vacated. His hope is to flatten Tyler with a body splash, but those hopes go down in flames when Tyler flattens him with a picture perfect moonsault press! He has the approval and appreciation of thousands of cheering fans, but only seeks it from one woman, and turns pleading eyes towards her to receive it. KRISTA (singing) I wanna make love in this club. In this club, in this club! I wanna make love in this club! Thinking that Krista just turned straight for him and him alone, Tyler turns away with the smile of a child who just met Santa. No one has the heart to tell him Krista was listening to her Ipod, and singing to a girl with a supermodel figure and spiky brown hair in the front row. COACH Do they even realize that Jade is out here? Beside a mother/daughter fantasy do they even care when Jade's around? Beside a mother/daughter fantasy does anyone care when Jade's around? COLE Unnecessary and uncalled for! Snaking his hands through Rico's ultra greasy hair, Tyler lifts the former HI-YAH tag champ off the mat. He swats him with two quick kicks to his powerful legs, but Rico absorbs the blows as if they were mere mosquito bites. He then returns fire by swinging a left-right combination of jabs into his foe's chin. The attacks roll Ty's head across his neck like an errant basketball, and have the adolescent crowd worrying about his darling good looks. To their delight, Bryant stages a valiant comeback effort and hammers Rico with ill timed but ill tempered haymakers! But the boybander's admirable spirit is no match for De Janeiro's raw strength, and he brutally carries his knee into Tyler's stomach. On the outside, Jade recoils in horror, while Soul dances in celebration. COLE Quite the knee strike from Rico. And no one has ever said the Wrecking Crew aren't talented...just one of the many unlucky souls to be part of Krista's puppet theater. Dropped to his knees, crippled by pain, Tyler grits his teeth and searches for some manner of counter attack. The situation is made even more miserable when Rico gathers a disgusting mound of sweat from his hairy chest and flings it directly onto his face! “BOOOOOOO!” “MGHWC! We get ours!” Soul screams to the irritated audience. “Lucius Soul did I mention what a treat it is to see you somewhere besides the 7 o clock news being carted away in handcuffs after another failed attempt to cash counterfeit food stamps for pork rinds and Vagisil.” Krista shoots back. In the ring, Rico's arm falls around Tyler head in a front facelock as tight as a noose. And the youngster would have an easier time escaping from one, as he's lifted high into the air. The detestable Brazilian suspends Tyler in that position for several moments, showcasing them to a venomous audience. Once the fans reach the height of their anger, De Janeiro dives backwards and drives Tyler down with a vertical suplex. Smiling to himself, he then floats over for a pin... ONE TWO! The potentially match deciding pinfall is broken up by an elbow drop from Krista! This brings out a huge pop from the stands, and Biff Atlas into the ring to again protest working conditions that he deems unhealthy and unsafe. COLE Really, I would pay whatever the cost it'll take to buyout Biff, and whatever the cost it'll take to hire Flex. Biff is that bad! Biff's inane occupation of the referee's attention blesses Ty with the time needed to enact his ultimate fantasy, a threesome with Krista! Unfortunately the third member of isn't a clone of Krista, but rather Rico, and all Tyler can actually do is is awkwardly contort Rico's arm while Krista's leaps onto the third turnbuckle. As the entire arena is encased in a brilliant white light from thousands of camera flashes, the iconic covergirl departs her perch with a graceful cross body block. Her abs of steel slam into Rico with the force of a ton of steel as Tyler drops their rival with a single arm DDT! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Pardon the pun but that was tremendous! Tyler can't be quite as thrilled as the audience, due to a large amount of jealously over Krista's bare stomach being pressed into Rico's face. Jade on the other hand is even happier then the fans and shouts, “Great job, everybody!” “Great job? Mush mouth bitch, get to the back of the bus!” Soul screams. “This is a sacrilegious preparation of the other miseries! Ah'll make you vanish into thin air like the great magician Niggarachi!” “Hey everybody!” Krista shouts, glaring at Lucius. “Today is Latoya Jackson's birthday, and I'm going to celebrate it by beating up another crazy, untalented crackhead with sagging tits!” And that shuts Lucius up for the next forty seconds. Meanwhile back in the ring, Tyler attempts a fall. But before Buzzlefoxer's metal hip can even get him down to the canvas, Tyler is hauled off his victim by the disco duck. “DUCK SEA-SON! DUCK SEA-SON! DUCK SEA-SON!” “Kiss my grits, squares!” Vinny barks back, “You know I'm colder than a Polar Bear on Christmas Eve!” Tyler steps back to his feet, mind singularly focused on knocking Vinny back to the last days of disco. This focus proves to be misplaced, when Rico catches him off guard with an axe handle smash. The blow may have been delivered with full force but it fails to fell the teen idol, a failure that draws a frown onto Rico's mustached face. He takes his frustrations out on his foe, by stunning him with a pair right crosses. Out on his feet, Tyler is left vulnerable, a weakness that's taken advantage of by Rico when he lifts him onto his shoulders for a body slam. That hold would be infinitely preferable to the devastating shoulder breaker Rico attacks his arm with. Smugly satisfied, De Janeiro grunts and glares at Shayne who paws at his badly wounded shoulder. His hands then massage his legendary 'stache, inciting boos from the fans, before he drops his thick leg across Ty's neck. Keeping it there for a pin, he forces, Buzzlefoxer to make a count. But, the old man's hips are so poor, he just stands up and counts by tapping his foot! ONE! TWO! Tyler shoots his shoulder off the canvas, half out of determination to continue the fight and half out of determination not to be responsible for causing Krista's first loss since GW's first term. COACH D*LUX wins matches and titles strictly on talent, because they have no drive of their own. They idolize a womanizing creep like Leon and follow his every move. And they worship a manic depressive lesbian like a goddess. Then don't do anything on their own. Both competitors begin their rise at the same moment, but its Bryant who beats Rico by a hare. As such he's able to draw first blood with a stinging knife edge chop. The first one shreds through the jungle of curled hair on Rico's chest to open up small cuts that bleed a bright red. This inspires a sense of blood lust in the youth, and he terrorizes Rico with further chops. Weakened by the chops, Rico falls back into the ropes for a moment to catch his breath. But the cables spit him back towards Tyler, who is already bouncing off the ropes himself. As their paths crisscross, Tyler leaps into the air with his arms out stretched to catch Rico with a phantom neck breaker. But the Brazilian calls upon his mighty strength to catch his foe's lithe body and press it against his chest. COLE This can't be good! Jade and Shayne shares similar feelings of worry, watching Rico effortlessly guide Tyler onto his shoulders. He twists his victim so that he's facing upwards, and then locks his finely muscled arms around Tyler's torso and applies pressure. COACH You screwed now, son! You ain't got nothing for this! Disgusting that Leon came out like the man and D*LUX gonna go out lookin like a bitch. From dunce to genius it appears for the moment Coach may actually be correct. Bryant is in an incredible amount of anguish, that only gets worse by the second. The pain stretches a face that's burnt red by exhaustion and pressure, and his teeth nearly grind themselves into white powder. “LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!” the girls sing, needing no encouragement from anyone else. Sadly their cheers are like a cropping of moss on the towering mountain of agony that crushes Tyler. Rico is unrelenting as well, his grip never once reaching the pointing of wavering. With Tyler on the verge of submission, and her Ipod on the verge of running low on power, these are desperate times for the previously uninterested Krista. Desperate times call for..Glengarry Glenn Ross??? Channeling, Alec Baldwin from that same movie, Krista blusters “You know what it takes? "Brass balls.. The money's out there, you pick it up. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out and close ... close! It's yours. If not, you'll be shining my shoes!” Just having Krista speak to him is more enough to motivate Tyler to action. With the strength of the Incredible Hulk, Bryant powers out of Rico's hold and peels away from his shoulders. “LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!” De Janeiro is incensed at his failure to gain a submission victory and lobs a lariat at Bryant. But the Detroiter rolls beneath the oncoming missile, and pops up directly in front of his celebrity crush. Playing to the audience, he asks if they wish to see Krista officially enter the match. The answer is of course unanimous, and with false-humility she accepts the tag to a deafening ovation from the sold out audience. Rico's eyes widened in an understandable horror as his long time tormentor finally enters the match. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COACH Vinny, Biff, Rico, you had once chance to win this match, and just you blew it. “Alright, chica, let's just get this over with!” “What are you talking about?” “The song! The damn song, you always trick me into singing! Rico ain't even goin fight it no more, chica. Pointless. Just start the song so Rico can be done.” “Ugh. The flashy song and dance numbers, the running gags, and such are a gross distraction from the simulation of athletic competition at the heart of the sport's appeal, a terrible assault on the tenants of this great institution, and should be done away with.” “No! We have a thing! We sing, chica. We sing our hearts out. Here Comes That Sound Again, I Love The Nightlife. You Dropped A Bomb On Me! Something! Any song! I need it! Rico can't always get what he want, but damn, can't Rico get what needs? Rico...Rico...is lost. He's so lost” “Show me the meaning of being lonely.” Shayne croons from the outside. Tyler joins in with his deeply soulful style of melody “So many words for the broken heart. It's hard to see in a crimson love. So hard to breathe. Walk with me, and maybe...” “Nights of light so soon become. Wild and free I can feel the sun. Your every wish will be done” Krista's fiery Joplin style singing belts out. The lights dim to a soft sensual pink as Rico and Tyler belt out the chorus to Lucius utter dismay, “Show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I need to walk with? Tell me why, I can't be there where you are. There's something missing in my heart.” Krista ramps up the octaves in her voice to perfectly attack the powerful bridge, as the lights shift to a deep enigmatic blue, “There's nowhere to run. I have no place to go. Surrender my heart, body, and soul. How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never shoooooow. You are missing in my heart. Tell me why I can't be there where you are....Jade, take it home!” The ears of millions tune into Jade to hear how well she'll be able to match her mother's amazing singing talents, only to hear the meek proclamation of, “Uh, I don't know the words.” Her song having come to an abrupt and somewhat depressing ending, Krista can only resort to the inevitable super kick of Rico. But in an example of when it rains it pours, Rico actually catches her onto her foot! Amazed at this Anglemania worthy achievement he breaks into rowdy, cacophonous laughter of celebration. Unfortunately its only a few short moments before Krista strikes back with an enziguri delivered with enough force to throw a pair of teeth from his mouth. KRISTA [Jay-z]This can't be life, this can't be right[/Jay-z] COLE Somewhere Christian Wright sits backstage and says “Thank god for the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew!” Figuring that if you can relive the glory days of the Backstreet Boys in a match you can enter one without a tag, Vinny Valentine storms into the ring. The disco duck has as much success as his throughly embarrassed tag partner, as Krista takes him right off his feet with a spinning wheel kick! KRISTA (singing and dancing) You know I'm bad, I'm bad-come on, you know (bad bad-really, really bad) And the whole world has to answer right now, just to tell you once again, Whos bad? “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” That thunderous strike does a fine job of convincing Vinny that the best usage of his talents are as far away from Krista as humanly possible. Thus he retreats to the outside of the ring, ignoring Soul's orders to “man up.” Soul's requests quickly change from a pleading “man up” to a fearful “look up”, stoking Vinny's confusion. He's far less confused and far more anguished when the body splashing figure of Tyler Bryant slams into him at full force with a frog splash press. Together they careen backwards, before finally toppling to the ground, where Vinny issues full throated roars of pain. “YEAAAAAA!” Yet somehow, through his ridiculous crying he manages to rise upright. There he angrily assails Ty with a parade of closed fists that are only halted when the teenybopper drives his own fist straight into the disco duck's motor mouth. But all that does is force Vinny to continue his whining, thus Tyler takes more extreme measures to shut him up and drives him back first into the guardrail! Valentine slumps to the floor, finally speechless, his mossy eyes burning bright with spite and fear. Meanwhile in the ring Krista has become preoccupied with sipping a martini, and Rico is...well..Rico, leaving Biff and Shayne as the only available fighters. Biff attacks with an amazing ferocity, firing a loafer into Brave's stomach. Caught off guard by the strike, Shayne stumbles awkwardly until wrestling's most annoying man traps him into place with an underhook. The adored teen idol is then ripped off his feet and smashed into the mat with a double arm suplex. Biff then halts any possibilities of resurgence by pinning down Brave with his cheap WAL*MART bought shoes. Once he's assured the pop-cutie is subdued, he charges towards the ropes, and returns to plant a knee drop onto the teenybopper's throat! But, Brave quickly yanks his body out the way, and Biff endures what would've been a terribly painful landing were he not wearing three pairs of pants for just such an occasion. As such Biff is easily able to recover and match blows with his less brawling inclined foe. But Biff can't take advantage of his superior punching prowess for very long, before Shayne eludes a questing elbow by dropping to his knees and sweeping Biff's foot away from the mat. Even with three pairs of pants and a life vest, Atlas suffers through a miserable dumping to the canvas. Worse yet his overdressed attire makes it maddeningly difficult for him to get up, and Brave easily captures him into a jack knife pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! But Rico ruins the pin with a swift kick to Shayne's midsection. Hastily, he pulls himself off the canvas, but finds no moment to attack, thanks to the carefully timed punches Rico lays into his chest. Having been quickly weakened by the powerful attacks, Brave can't prevent the Brazilian from snagging him into a front facelock. And as Rico drags him into the sky for a vertical suplex, all he can do is brace for an impact that turns out to be monumentally painful! Halfway through her martini, Krista decides to participate in the match again, “Hey, everybody, one time Rico asked me, what it felt like to sleep with Alix. So I said it must be like when you enter out for your match and the audience gives you a big pop, and he looked at me, and he said, could you be more specific. Listen, I don't mean to insult you or anything, but let's face it, a horse shitting on a parade route has a bigger following then you.” Hissing with devilish intent, De Janeiro zooms across the ring to make Krista pay for her latest insult. He legs slice and lunge towards Miss California with a scissors kick. But Krissy, still holding onto her martini, parries his thrust, and returns fire with a whirling back kick. Her foot slams into him like a bullet train, capsizing him to the canvas, to the delight of the thousands in attendance. Unfortunately for Krista, no sooner then she eliminates De Janeiro, does Lucius Soul slide onto the apron to defend what little honor they have left. An all consuming wrath possess him as he readies his mouth to pelt Krista with every insult he can think of. Unfortunately the silver tongued babe beats him to the punch, “Lucius Soul, you disgraceful druggie, you've smoked so much weed, you pee Roundup. You're filled with toxins, you beat women, you've been in and out of jail, you're a strip club shooting away from being a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. You look like a turd with hair. You look like Carrot Top after snorting sixty grams of coke on the inside of volcano.” “And....uh,” Jade begins, “You have an annoying voice to!” COACH Leave it to your mother, kid. While the fiery rage of Lucius may have been extinguished by that impromptu roast, Rico is anything but subdued, and hammers this point by home by surprising Krissy with a school boy, and causing her to spill her martini! ONE! Tyler reaches into ring to save Krista, but Vinny hauls him back to the outside! TWO! The SoCal hottie defiantly kicks out, leaving an annoyed Rico to direct a menacing glare towards Buzzlefoxer. Krista rises under her own power but De Janiero instantly pounces on her, Irish whipping her towards the cables. Not wishing to grant her any second to mounter a counter attack, Rico trails her journey. But the agile fitness queen combats his attack by situating her high heels onto the third rope and flying back at him with a splendid lionsault press! He clumsily attempts to slide out of the way, but simply “succeeds” in moving himself into the line of fire for an inverted face lock that Krista easily morphs into an Inverted DDT! ”K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Atlas retires his own ill luck with Miss California, attempting to sneak attack her with an elbow smash. But thanks to a cry of “watch the fuck out, bitch” from an old Asian woman in the first row, the Hollywood covergirl is able to block Atlas' blow with a back handed pimp slap! The unusual strike prompts an exclamation of “Pimps up! Hoes down!” from the walk of famer. Biff teeters backwards, instinctively pawing at his sore cheekbone. This leaves him prey to a variety of attacks, and Krissy capitalizes on this fact, by leaping into his back, and putting her knees to her massive chest to pulverize him with a lung blower! Atlas' shouts are ones of bitter agony, but their soon pounded into oblivion by the cheers of the capacity crowd. Entering the ring, Valentine undertakes the mission beating Krista from his wounded partner, and lobs a discus punch towards Miss California's lovely face. What the move packs in rage, it lacks in technique, form and most importantly speed, and Krista is easily able to duck bellow it and move behind her foe. The momentum of his miss clumsily carries him forward, but he's soon tossed onto a downward trajectory as Krissy traps his neck and pulls him down to the ground with The Blond Never Pay a Cover (side effect)! “Its true. I never pay a cover!” Jade proclaims. A pin follows, and all of Wilkes Barre counts along... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! At the last possible minute, Atlas destroys the pinfall, infuriating the fanbase. COLE That was a close one! The audience's dour mood begins to improve when Krista's heels begin tearing away at Atlas' flesh with ferocious stomps. He manages to rise to his feet past her torrent of kicks, but this only puts him in a far worse situation as she launches the safety guru into the corner. He smacks against the posts with a booming thud! But thank heavens for his otherwise irrational padding, which absorbs all manner of impact. This allows him to roar back at Krista with the not-so infamous not-so feared Safetyline (lariat)! But Krissy matrixes backwards and the Venice Beach native ends up being struck with a leg lariat by Showtime Shayne! “YEAAAAAA!” Perhaps more enjoyable to the crowd is the view Krissy's still matrixed body grants them, to which Jade worriedly alerts her, “Mom, everyone can see your underwear!” “Honey, that's the point. I ain't holdin this position because its good for centering the 5th chakaras!” Elsewhere Valentine has returned himself to the fight, pounding on Shayne with clubbing forearms. Once he weakens Brave to the point where his fair skin turns a shade of red, the disco duck tries to hurl him into a nearby corner. But Brave reverses the hold and its Vinny crashing back first into the turnbuckle posts. “LET'S DO IT!” Brave shouts to a rousing ovation before charging in on Vinny. Brave gets incredible height on his bodysplash leap appearing that he may even miss Vinny entirely. In fact he does miss Vinny entirely, thanks the Brooklyn brawler dipping low, grabbing onto his designer denim, and upending him out the ring! Brave keeps the fourteen year old girls from shedding any tears by landing his black boots onto the apron. However any relief they may have felt is short lived due to Soul simply yanking him off the apron, causing him to land face first onto the canvas. “Boss play, my funk soul brotah!” Vinny congratulates Soul in his grating New York accent. COLE I call that foul play by Lucius Soul. And there's a man desperate to have some kind of win on or near his record. Valentine smiles a bold and victorious smile as he turns his attention to Krista, who still holds her underwear pose, because it actually really is good centering the 5th chakara. Across the ring, the disco duck runs, foolishly thinking he'll be able to cut her down with a shoulder block. Krista of course stymies his efforts with unerring ease, and her glistening legs swirl around his neck and upend him with hurricanrana! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Disregarding Valentine the moment he hits the canvas, the GLAADiator shifts her attention towards Rico, who slowly crawls back into the ring. But as she lifts him up by his badly oiled hair, a surge of energy flows through him, no doubt brought on by an overdose of male enhancement drugs, and he launches a left hand towards her face. The walk of famer reacts with speed, and lets his arm land across her's to set up her spinning STO. However, Rico is much to strong to remain trapped in Krista's piddly grasp, and gives her a shove into the ropes. Problematically for Rico, this counter simply gave Krissy a new offensive weapon, and she deploys it by leaping onto the third rope only to spring off it seconds later. De Janeiro lumbers forward, under the arrogant assumption he can simply swat her from the air. This proves to be an erroneous thought on his part, as Krista's arm snakes across his oversized mellon, and she dives downwards, driving both he and his hair plugs into the mat with a tornado DDT! Rico emits an ear splitting roar that sounds something like a lion on its deathbed while the sold out crowd bleats Krista's name. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Before Krista can spend the next several minutes basking in the crowd's love and adulation, Atlas attacks her with pointed elbow strikes to the small of her back. Though she could end Atlas' career with simple flick of her wrist, she's feeling fairly lazy, and decides to prey on his gross buffoonery instead, “Oh, honey, look at the exits in the mezzanine level. Isn't there something wrong with them?” Biff recoils in horror “Good god you're right! The door width is too narrow! Only three people at a time can pass causing congestion as patrons try to leave as others try to enter. Imagine a fiery pyro malfunction! An elephant stampede at the circus! A serial killer on the lose! A serial killing elephant that spews fiery peanut shaped pyro from its trunk! And reads minds!” “And that is enough idiot for today thank you, honey.” Krista comments before she wraps her hands around Atlas waist. Moronic Biff is still contemplating his murderous mind reading elephant, and doesn't even bother to react when Krissy begins running him into the ropes. After the reach the ropes, Krista hauls the former body builder backwards so that he falls onto the mat with his broad shoulders pinned down. Krista releases her own waist lock, and bridges backwards to give the audience another view of sexy thighs that lie beneath thin red lace panties. “Mom, your underwear!” “Honey, I didn't spend sixty five bucks on 'em and eighty minutes a day on a leg extension machine to cover it all up with the latest from TJ-MAXX! Plus it'll make a great Hanukkah card!” Clem would count the ensuing fall, if weren't for the fact that alzheimer's has caused him to forget where he is. Thus, Valentine can take his time in breaking up the pinfall. What he can't take his time in doing is guarding against Tyler Bryant, as the teen scream begins hammering him with barrage of knife edge chops. But, Valentine cuts short Bryant's attacks with an eye rake! “BOOOOO!” yells the audience, growing even more annoyed when Vinny's god awful physique begins jiggling from several rhytmless hip gyrations. COLE Put that thing away, there are children here! Oh, who am I kidding, come on over and give me some of that stuff, that sweet funky stuff! Through with grossing out the audience and arousing Cole, Valentine goes back to pounding down Tyler with his brawling assault. He hits the fan favorite with enough force and power that Bryant is brought down to his knees in defeat. “I Want To Put On My My My My My Boogie Shoes!” Vinny hollers into the night. And he does just that, coming towards Tyler with his version of the shinning wizard. Yet, Tyler delights his fanbase by dipping his head bellow Valentine's boogie shoe. Normally, Valentine could just shift himself into a boomerang variation of the attack. But now, he has to deal with Brave assaulting him with forearms! Though he might be able to withstand the cruiserweight's attacks, he can't bring himself to deal with both Shayne and Tyler, and the pair bombard him with elbows and short kicks. Valentine is out on his feet, and wobbles like the village drunk, ready to fall over at any moment. That moment comes quicker then expected, though, as the boys from Michigan flash Vinny back to 1998 the count with the Hit Me Baby One More Time (Double Superkick)! Pain and rage fester inside Vinny like a pus beneath the skin, as he uses the last bit of strength he has to cowardly roll to the outside of the ring. “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” the fans shower the high-fiving tag team. Any celebrations for D*LUX are frustratingly brief, all due to Rico running them both over with a double lariat. Boos for Rico replaces heartfelt chants for D*LUX, and like Vinny, De Janeiro taunts the crowd with hip swivels, looking only slightly more attractive. Rico stops paying mind to the rage of the audience, instead piling all his concentration towards defeating these hated rivals. Once he clamps on onto Bryant's belt buckle he begins orchestrating their demise. He scoops the Detroiter into the air, drifting him across his back in a crucifix set up. “Who wants a mustache ride, eh?!” Rico shouts smugly, drawing more heat from a pro-D*LUX audience. As no one takes him up on his offer for a figurative mustache ride, Rico throws Shayne down, spiking his head against the canvas with the literal Mustache Ride (Razor's Edge)! On the outside Soul and Vinny celebrate an inevitable victory, whereas Jade pleads for a divine intervention. COLE That had to do it! Wilkes Barre holds its collective breath as Rico pins Showtime ONE But the audience is allowed to breathe a little easier when Krista Isadora Duncan destroys the pinfall with a running kneestrike! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” sing the fans and the wounded D*LUX Krissy laboriously pulls the bulky Brazilian off her admirer, and holds onto his arm, using it to him in close to strike him with a knee to the midsection. The shot doubles the sexual healer over, and saps him of what little breath he has left. Figuring that he's little more then a dead man walking, Miss California takes to the skies to finish him off with a fameasser. But, Rico moves his body upright to catch her in a Samoan drop setup! Given the unusual nature of the hold's beginnings, and the fact Kris is lathered in baby oil, his grip is nowhere near secure, thus Krista is easily able to slip out of it. She floats to his side, where her arms move quickly to secure his thick neck into a side headlock. Though he presses her hands into her chiseled stomach to push her away, he has zero success and Krista is easily able to floor him with the Life In The Fab Lane (Twist of Fate ) “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” “Way to go, mom!” Jade shouts, while trying to shield herself from the flashing of thousands of cameras. Deeply, deeply, wounded by Krista's earlier mockery of his safety mission, Biff seeks revenge! The poster boy for roster cuts shoots himself off the top rope with a Kane style lariat! However, thanks to the jumbo sized video screen Krista saw this move coming miles away, and rolls forward to avoid it. Betraying his usual level of incompetence, Biff actually succeeds in landing on his loafers and not crashing and burning into the canvas. With haste, he whirls around to send a closed fist to her much worshiped face. However the foxy mama foils his efforts by swinging her high heels into the part of his stomach left unprotected by his life vest. Mortally wounded by both the attack, and the failure of the life vest to preserve his safety Biff is left stunned and easily trapped into a half nelson by Krista. He begins ruing the moment he decided not to wear a helmet when Krista throws him forward with her half nelson bulldog! “I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AIN'T ONE!” the fans recite With Atlas permanently incapacitated by her lethal signature hold, Krista treats the audience to their favorite of Alix's signature moves and wiggles her tail like her name was Flipper. Sexually curious (as well as electronically rebellious!) Amish women across this great fair state, who's only experience with the beauty of the female form comes from awkwardly groping a cows udders, unleash an orgasmic roar of sexual liberation, at the wonderful sight of Krista rocking her luscious rump like she's got a V12 in her ass. Krista then grabs her shapely ass with both hands, and gives one last squeeze to her incredibly firm buttocks JADE Through with using tush to convert 85% of the Amish population to lesbianism as well as to the democratic party, she flips backwards and comes across Biff with a standing moonsault. Buzzlefoxer, now recovered from his Alzheimer's attack, drops to his knees to count the pin... CROWD ONE Lucius Soul finally enters the fray! CROWD TWO But D*LUX erase any threat he poses with t he Hit Me Baby One More Time! SOUL (regretfully) Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here? “YEAAAAAA!'” CROWD THREE!! A gigantic cheer of approval and celebration speeds from the stands, as Bad Girl returns once more to the arena. With Rico at his side, Valentine backs up the ramp, both man shooting daggers at the audience the heralds their defeat with such a large standing ovation. BUFFER The winners....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND D*LUX! COLE Another victory for Krista, and a solid win for D*LUX! But Biff Atlas suffers setback in his quest to be taken seriously on the road to safety proofing the OAOAST. Shayne and Tyler surround Krista, not daring to touch her, lest they incur a beating, but at least are able to celebrate around her. For her part, Krista sips on what's left of her martini , “One for me” Then dumps some on Biff's fallen body, “And one for my homies” Jade is finally invited by Krista into the ring, after going completely ignored by perhaps everyone in the arena. She offers her mother and her team quick and meek congratulations, seeming worried about steeping to Krista's spotlight. And what a spotlight it is, made up of enough cameras and photographers to be an Oscar's red carpet. COACH You wanna know how to be a winner, Jade? Cozy up to the woman next to you! Your own mother. I can't believe Jade doesn't even have a quarter of the talent her mother has. She can't do anything Krista can! For one, Krista has two master degrees, Jade hasn't even been to college yet! Damn, Krista, adopt me, I got my education! I got my degree! Adopt me! COLE Folks...that has been a man asking a woman only a year older than him to adopt him! FADE OUT OR IF SOMEONE HAS SOMETHING POST THEN FADE TO COMMERCIAL

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD fuk an entrance video, tonight a great show celebrates a great team LWO is the strongest force, on and off the court we ballin FEMALE VOICE OVER Wilkes-Barre Arena and Pizza Hut Present... OAOAST HeldDOWN We're taken into the arena, and settled directly on the announce team of Double C. In preparation for the upcoming Great Angle Bash, they've already decorated sofa central with not only American flags, but flags of various other non communist non Islamic non middle eastern non poor African countries. See, we're global. COLE Ladies and gentlemen School's Out is in the books. No more school, no more teachers, dirty looks! And there are plenty of dirty looks being passed between OAOAST superstars here on HeldDOWN! COACH You got that right. COLE As always tension is running high and there's enough bad blood around here to fill a blood bank. The fallout from School's Out will be intense, and I'm just glad we've got a safe seat to watch it from. COACH Safe? You never know when one of these outrageous pyschos is gonna start tradin hands over here and then powerbomb each other through this here table? Shit is crazy out here, son. Protect ya neck! COLE Sage advice, and while you prepare the riot gear, we can take things backstage to Tony Schiavone with a rather large announcement? Tony? Our memories take a warming trip back to the 80s as we take a trip backstage to the OAOAST Update Center! Stood at the OAOAST Wrestling podium, a platinum backdrop with a shadowed figure performing the ankle lock on some poor soul smack in the center, is Tony Schiavone, same suit, same microphone but unfortunately missing that kickin' moustache he used to have. SCHIAVONE Fans, Tony Schiavone here with a late breaking announcement directly from OAOAST management. An historic match has just been signed for next week's edition of HeldDOWN~!, live on TSM, when we will be eminating from Trenton, New Jersey. In a first of it's kind, ALL the title holders in the OAOAST will compete in one match, The Match Of Champions! It will be the World 6-Man Tag Team Champions Cucaracha Internacional and the Heartland Champion Sandman9000, teaming together to take on World Tag Team Champions Team Heyross, teaming with United States Champion Colombian Heat and the World's Heavyweight Champion himself, Tha Puerto Rican! A mouth-watering prospect to say the least. And with that in mind, at this time I'd like to bring in Cucaracha Internacional... On cue, in walk five of the members of The CI. The aforementioned 6-Man Tag Champs, James Blonde, Nathaniel Black and Faqu assembled at the back with a very sour-faced Landon Maddix at the front with Megan Skye. SCHIAVONE ...and we'll get to The Match Of Champions in just a second, but also Landon Maddix, this past Sunday night unsuccessful in your quest for the World Title. MADDIX Thanks for the reminder. Let's get the facts in order, first off. Number one, I'm not angry and I'm not bitter. No, what I am is disappointed. I'm disappointed that despite not being pinned or made to submit last Sunday, I'm not standing here the OAOAST World Champion. I'm disappointed that Todd Cortez lost that match for me. Even more-so, I'm disappointed in Todd Cortez for screwing our chances up even before the opening bell by not listening and sticking to the plan. I think it can be generally agreed on, that since I got Cucaracha Internacional together, we've had some ups and downs. Usually ending with us landing on our feet. And the reason for that is... we don't take disappointment well. Shakes of the head all around agree with Landon. MADDIX When Todd Cortez stood up against me, I put him back in his place. When we were stripped of the World 6-Man Titles, we regrouped and we won them back at AngleMania. Disappointment is something that gets us going, because we're winners. And we sure don't stay disappointed for long. Why? Cause we're always looking for the first opportunity to make things right. SCHIAVONE Which brings us to next week? MADDIX That's right, The Match Of Champions! And lo and behold if that doesn't prove my point, with Cucaracha Internacional heavily represented. If this is going to be The Match Of Champions, then we're clearly The Team Of Champions. Right after I heard the news about this match, I tracked down Alfdogg and we had what I'd call a very productive conversation with him. The upshot being, for one night only, this is going to be the deadliest alliance going! We'll be delighted to welcome Sandman9000 into the fold for the night. Cohesion isn't going to be a problem. And neither will motivation. Because, look who we've got on the opposition... none other than one 'Puerto Rican Lightning'. It's funny how these things work out, huh? Blonde pulls the microphone towards him from over Schiavone's shoulder. BLONDE That's right. And PRL, lemme promise you one thing, Landon Maddix isn't going to be in that ring across from you, but he'll be there in spirit! Every shot you take is gonna have the Cucaracha calling card slapped on it. And there'll be plenty of slapping, pal! You see, you're an embarrassment in my eyes. So unoriginal. So uninspired. The Trendsetter doesn't follow trends like you do, he sets them. And the trend set next week is gonna be blond guys who rule kicking your ass! MADDIX I like the sounds of that. And hey, maybe we might not even limit it to gender and we'll let Megan slap you around some as well? It'll be the most female action you've had since Lindsay bolted! But, what of Tha Puerto Rican's partners? BLONDE Ah yeah, you've got Team Heyross, the supposed best tag team in the world today. The fact is, we're the true international superstars of the OAOAST. And when we're through with you next week, Faqu and I would be happy to prove it... if there's anything left of you! FAQU O LE LIMA E PAIA LE MATA!! Despite not having a clue what their Samoan friend just said, Blonde and Landon laugh it up, as Black now pulls the mic his way. BLACK An' who does that leave? Colombian 'Eat, the United States Champion. Ya know what 'Eat, you make a great US Champ, no matter wot anybody says. Maybe that's why I 'ate ya both! Sure, you ain't a Yankee, but you still stand for everythin' I 'ate about the US. No dignity, no morals, an' definately no class! You're all style over substance, which is why all these American fans love ya so much, 'cause of all the razzmatazz. Well son, once me an' our team beat your arse next week, the world's gonna see what subtance over style's about. An' then, maybe somewhere down the line, I'll do the honourable thing for the OAOAST and restore some class, by takin' that belt off of ya... and renamin' it the British Heavyweight Title! MADDIX Which leaves us right back with Tha Puerto Rican. Seems like my boys have got their sights set and Sandman's probably busy doing something, I dunno, I only even heard of him because of this match... SO, it only makes sense to go four for four. Whether it's a month down the line, two months, three, sooner or later I'm going to get another shot at you and the World Title. And this time, I'm gonna make sure there'll be no Todd Cortez or anyone else for that matter to screw it up. Next week... Prepare... For Champions! The members of Cucaracha Internacional break off and leave looking pleased with themselves. SCHIAVONE The Match Of Champions, next week on HeldDOWN~! Let's go back to Michael Cole and The Coach! We're taken back to sofa central where Cole sits amazed by the major match that's just been booked. COACH Oh snap! You know a show's gonna suck when you hypin next week's show in the first segment. COLE Quiet! And, you're right that was an enormous announcement about what could be the biggest match in the history of HeldDOWN. Sandman with the six man champions against the tag team champions, the US champion and the world champion, and we're privileged to be able to call it, next week on HeldDOWN! But stick around because we've got more tonight. LATER TONIGHT RICO DE JANEIRO, BIFF ATLAS AND VINNY VALENTINE VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, AND D*LUX LATER COMMERCIAL

On top the world famous interview stage we find OAOAST Original TONY BRANNIGAN. BRANNIGAN Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, and a worldwide television audience, please welcome… BARON WINDELS! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The music of Fall Out Boy hits and the Lone Star Gunslinger marches out pumping his fist and slapping hands. COLE As Baron Windels heads to the podium, let’s revisit the final moments of the hotly contested bout this past Sunday at School’s Out between Leon Rodez and Mr. Dick where Baron Windels made his shocking return. Courtesy: School’s Out Encore presentation all this week COACH What a lousy week it’s been for Texas, Cole. First Mr. Dick is robbed out of a sure W, and then George W. gets slammed by his former press secretary, and the Spurs get robbed at the end of their game by a bald headed little referee with an ax to grind! As we return live, Baron’s back is facing the camera, his arms raised. He turns and shakes Tony’s hand before the interview gets underway. BRANNIGAN Baron Windels, the last time we saw you on this program you and partner Jock Mulligan were guests on Abdullah Nerdly’s House of Worship. Little did anyone know that would mark the end of a very successful tag team… OAOAST BACKTRACKER Courtesy: House of Worship 6 Weeks Ago BRANNIGAN …as Jock nailed you with a CHEAPSHOT and then THREW you into a stain glass window. BARON (laughs) I learned two things that night, Tony. I can’t fly and I can’t die. And what didn’t kill me only made me stronger because I’m back feeling better than ever and looking for revenge on Jock Mulligan, or Mr. Dick as he likes to call himself now. While I still don’t understand why Jock would throw away years of friendship over a quote taken out of context, it’s clear to me he’s been dying to be “the man” for an awfully long time. What did he say some weeks back? There’s no “I” in team but there is in “Dick”? At least we agree on one thing, he is a DICK! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BARON I regarded that man like a brother, but it’s not uncommon to see brothers fight or have a falling out in the family, and Jock’s had a falling out with the family that is the fans, Melody and I. Now it’s up to me to beat some sense back into him, something I plan on doing in 4 weeks time because the match has been signed for Sunday night, June 29 at the Great Angle Bash. It’s going to be you and me one on one, Jock. No surprises this time around. You’re gonna have to face me like a MAN! Come June 29 at the Bash, Jock, I will be your judge, jury and executioner. And you can bet your bottom dollar justice will be served. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BRANNIGAN Baron, you and I have devoted much of this time to Jock Mulligan, but there was a third member of the Lone Star Gunslingers, that being Melody Nerdly. My question to you is, have you spoken to her since your reemergence at School’s Out and will she be in your corner for the big grudge match with “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan at the Great Angle Bash? BARON Melody and I are good friends, Ton’. We’ve remained in constant contact since I’ve been out licking my wounds. But as you know she’s a bit occupied with other matters at the moment. If she ain’t there by my side physically, she will be spiritually. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd reacts to the arrival of MR. DICK and a herd of OAOAST officials. Seething mad, the cock of the walk doesn’t want to wait until the GAB to face his former partner, and Baron Windels is eager to meet his demand but not OAOAST officials who keep the pair separated. COACH Look at Baron Windels hiding behind all those officials. He knows he can’t handle The Dick. COLE Give me a break. If there’s anybody who can handle The Dick, it’s the man who knows him the best, Baron Windels. What a battle it’s going to be at the Great Angle Bash! COMING UP NEXT 10,000 WAYS TO KILL RICO'S CREDIBILITY! KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND D*LUX VS RICO DE JANEIRO, BIFF ATLAS, AND VINNY VALENTINE NEXT COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO BY The Chronicles Of a Lakers Hater 2008 January- Bynum beasting t'ill he gets injured and news of 8 weeks recovery their reaction: @another 1st round playoff loss! February: Mitch pulls of historic trade their reaction: , fuck Stern and his love for the Lakers. March: Lakers beasting and destroying teams their reaction: April: Lakers are first in the West and possibility of Kobe MVP their reaction: : @ Chris Paul not being MVP April: Lakers sweep the Nuggets their reaction: May: According to LATIMES, Kobe will be announced MVP their reaction: May: Lakers beat Jazz in 6 Their reaction: May: Lakers face the Spurs Their reaction: May: Lakers beat Spurs in 5 Their reaction: We SWOOP~ over to Michael Cole and The Coach seated at Sofa Central looking all serious. COLE In case you’re just tuning in, ladies and gentlemen, earlier in the evening OAOAST big wig Anglesault issued an apology… COACH What, are you looking for a raise? How else could you call that an apology? COLE You heard him apologize to the fans. COACH The fans aren’t the ones he should be apologizing to. It’s Teddy Moneymaker. COLE Be that as it may, I understand Theodore Moneymaker has gathered together members of the press for a live press conference about to be held in the media room of this beautiful facility. Let’s go there now. Hands held to the sky, his face beet red and dripping sweat, we see ABDULLAH NERDLY wrapping up what appears to have been a long opening prayer. Speaking Arabic nobody can understand what Moneymaker’s spiritual counselor is saying, but he does receive a standing ovation at the conclusion from some of the dignitaries in the room. Such notables include the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, Dos, Reggie Lamont, Felix Strutter, Tony Tourettes, James Riggs, The Last Kings of Scotland, Biff Atlas and Vinny Valentine, all of whom Abdullah blesses with the flick of his Koran. SWEET LUCIUS PRAISE BE AND SHIT! Abdullah raises his fist to his fellow brother. Then our feature presentation begins as CPA escorts THE ENTERPRISE inside. Attention whores, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard pose for photographers until Christian Wright straightens their asses out by ordering them to take their places on one side as he, Mackie and CPA take theirs on the other. In between them is a CLEAN SHAVEN Theodore Moneymaker, sporting a bandage on the very cheek Anglesault slapped at SO. MONEYMAKER Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming out this evening. As you know, an unfortunate incident occurred this past Sunday in front of a worldwide pay-per-view audience at School’s Out between myself and Anglesault. Mr. ‘Sault was a guest on the popular talk segment House of Worship, sacred grounds to many, when he began to insult yours truly. Unable to stomach anymore I decided to confront this bully and stand up for those incapable of doing so in fear of repercussion. Wright gives his fearless leader and encouraging shoulder rub, as Mackenzie offers somber knowing nod in the background. MONEYMAKER Face to face with the devil himself, I attempted to engage in an open and honest debate about various issues plaguing this great company. The biggest of which being the belief held by many that Anglesault has abused his power. Regrettably, Mr. ‘Sault didn’t wish to address the concern of his employees and instead resorted to more verbal and ultimately physical abuse. Biff Atlas is shown shaking his head in outright disgust, while James Riggs offers a thumbs down to Anglesault's treacherous behavior. MONEYMAKER As some of you may notice, I stand before you this evening clean shaven. My trademark beard the causality of a slap to the face. This egregious act of violence resulting in close to 50 stitches and causing irreparable harm to not only myself but my entire Enterprise as well. It’s to be expected from a fellow co-worker in the heat of battle, but your superior? Shame on you Anglesault. Shame on you. "Shame. Shame. Shame." Several of the wrestlers in the audience murmur in agreement. MONEYMAKER Despicable as though his behavior was, it pales in comparison to his “apology” earlier tonight. What a travesty that was. What an embarrassment to every man who dares to call himself a part of this fine sport, this upstanding industry. I thought we were beyond carnie trickery, and old school bullying, Anglesault's horrible apology proved we have a long way to go. A long, long way. Now I’m a grown man, so I can let slide the fact he failed to apologize to me directly. I cannot, however, in good conscience permit myself to stand idly by and watch him disrespect the OAOAST in the blatant, sickening manner in which he did. The OAOAST is the very institution that made him the household name that he is. His ego and sheer arrogance in regard to this matter shows a real disconnect between Mr. ‘Sault, this company and reality. Therefore, I publicly call on the OAOAST Board of Directors to take action against this tyrant. Look at it like this: that man’s career wouldn’t be the only one you’re saving. BWAHAHAHAHA!! Cracking his knuckles, CPA shoots lasers at reporters. MONEYMAKER Any questions? (looking around) You? No? All right then, thank you for your time. Teddy receives a round of applause from the usual suspects -- his Enterprise and the heels in attendance. COMING UP NEXT WORDS OF WISDOM AND THREATS OF VIOLENCE FROM A RETURNING BARON WINDELLS

We're doing it semi old school with as we fly over the quaint skyline of Penn's second largest city, Pittsburgh. We see the Allegheny River, Mellon Arena, the Andy Warhol Museum and many more sights of the steel city, before returning to the arena and Michael Buffer prepared to introduce our next match. BUFFER The following three-way contest is set for one fall... and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! COLE Another OAOAST first! Not two, but THREE sisters in competition! "Wild Side" by Motley Crue plays out first and the intimidating figure of Malaysia marches out through the entrance way. She wields her cat 'o nine tails with a sinister look on her face, a look directed at one side of the aisleway which shuts up at least part of the booing crowd. BUFFER Introducing the challengers. First, hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... MMMMAAAAALLLAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia scales the steps and enters the ring, giving the same unnerving look to referee Charles Robinson which makes him think twice very quickly about checking her for concealed weapons. COLE The ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns. And the hot favourite here tonight. As Robinson cautiously takes the whip away from Malaysia, "Thriller" by Fallout Boy is cued up to bring out the second challenger. Much unlike her more intimidating sister, Melody has a look of worry on her face as she steps out. Melody is warmed somewhat by the response of the crowd as she waves their way. Unfortunately, there aren't enough of those fans standing between her and her glaring sister. BUFFER Challenger number two. Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... the 2007 Manager Of The Year... MMMMEEEELLLLOOOOOOOODDYYYYYY... NNEEEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE This all started with Melody and Maggie, a dispute over Maggie's boyfriend Leon Rodez. Now, they must both face the big blast from their past Malaysia. I'm pretty sure this isn't what either of them bargained for. COACH And where is Leon now? COLE Well, he had a hard match earlier on... COACH Against Conquistador Uno!? Get the hell out! Go on! Get! Leon just ain't concerned if it ain't about the booty. Truth. Melody nervously enters the ring, underneath the intimidating frame of Malaysia who sends Mel retreating into a corner and relying on the referee to back her sister up. Green and gold lights suddenly begin to flash at the sight of the entry way, while pillars of smoke spring forth from around the chaotic illumination. "Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore begins to play as Maggie Nerdly skips out from the back and flashes the famous Nerdly RAWK~! Hand signal to the adoring crowd, before showing off the Women's Championship around her waist. As she makes her way down the ramp she slaps hands with the eager fans, reserving a quick flash of the evil eyes towards Melody. BUFFER And, from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... she is the host of the Afterparty on OAOAST.com and the reigning OAOAST Women's Champion of the World... MMMAAAAAAAGGIIIIIIEEEEEEE... NNEEEEEERRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Poor Maggie. We've got one sister getting super close to her brother, she ends up doing something about it, now here comes another sister looking to beat them both up and take her title! Talk about a relationship with emotional baggage. As soon as the Women's Champion slides into the ring, she's confronted by Melody who's ready to pick up where things left off at School's Out! Unfortunately, so is Malaysia. Charging across the ring, she aims a double clothesline at her two sisters... ...but they collectively duck and Malaysia goes tumbling through the ropes and out to the floor!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Well, that's one way to take Malaysia out of the equation! *DINGDINGDING!* With Malaysia down and the match officially underway, Maggie and Melody launch right into each other with the now familiar Nerdly Hairlock! Both try to pull each other's locks out by the roots until the Women's Champion remembers this is a wrestling match and not a fight, slipping behind Melody and pulling her down in a Backslide! 1... 2... No! An unprepared Melody is slow getting to her feet, allowing Maggie time to reposition and take her back down with a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Again Melody's natural lack of grace leaves her open, Maggie this time applying a front facelock and looking for a submission. COLE Neither of these women is what you'd call a 'skilled technician' in the ring. Maggie at least has a handful of matches under her belt since she first started chasing the Women's Title. Melody meanwhile, you could probably count her in-ring appearances on one hand. COACH Of course, Malaysia's only had one OAOAST match so far. But that was a crushing defeat of Jade Rodez. And as the likes of Officer Bosley and Leon Rodez will attest to, she's here to do more than stand around and manage or stand around and interview people. She's here to kick ass and dish out pain! Finally escaping the facelock with some jabs into the midsection, Melody delivers a boot to the gut on Maggie and sets her up for an irish whip. Maggie reverses, but puts her head down early. Melody has enough presence of mind to stop, grab her sister by her hair and sling her forward face-first into the canvas! Holding her face, Maggie is then crushed with a body splash and covered... 1... 2... Shoulder out at two! Melody naively turns to the referee and complains about the count, going against all her managerial expertise. Had she been on the outside looking in, she might have predicted the punch to the stomach from the prone Maggie before it happened. Reaching up, Maggie pulls Melody over and mounts her, grabbing her boyfriend's 'good friend' by the hair and SLAMMING her head into the mat repeatedly! In the midst of this, our cameras backstage show us Leon Rodez, watching this and cringing from the nearest monitor. Back in the arena meanwhile, Maggie has had enough of playing basketball with her sister's head and pulls her to her feet. However, Melody stuns the Champion with a knee and hooks the head, leaping up planting her with the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh my! A page out of Baron Windels' playbook, we could have a new Champion right here! Melody turns Maggie over and hooks the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Holding her head in her hands, Melody can't believe her luck. COLE Melody has managed World Tag Team Champions, can she become a World Champion herself here tonight? Pulling Maggie up again, Melody decides to go for the Brigham Young Cocktail again... ...but makes the mistake of going to the well once too often! Her poor ring positioning allows Maggie to grab the top rope and Melody ends up bouncing her own head off the mat! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pin attempt by Maggie... 1... 2... No! Pulling Melody away from the ropes, Maggie attempts to RICK ROLL her... but Melody is FAR too computer savvy to fall for that 'serving' and rolls out of the way! COLE These two young sister, tearing each other apart in pursuit of the Women's Title. COACH But more-so, the pursuit to impress Leon, let's be honest. Slowly, both Maggie and Melody pull themselves back up. By this point, they're weary enough and have taken enough knocks to use each other to help themselves to their feet. But as soon as they're up, the assistance and for the matter the wrestling goes out of the window, as they just start scrapping! Predictably, the Wilkes-Barre fans like this development and cheer them on. But as Maggie and Melody slap away at each other, suddenly the shadow of Malaysia Nerdly looms back over them! And before they can think of moving, she lays them both out with a double clothesline! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE This is not good. Malaysia stomps around her sisters for a second, still angry about her spill to the floor. Grabbing Melody, she scoops her up and slams her back down to the canvas! Maggie then gets the same treatment! Away rolls Melody, not used to taking such punishment. COLE This is why she's the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns! Picking herself up in the corner, Maggie's hopes of a reprieve are squashed, literally, thanks to a charging shoulder from Malaysia. By the hair, Malaysia drags her little sister out into the middle of the ring, where she delivers an effortless Sidewalk Slam! 1... 2... Maggie kicks out! Angrily, Malaysia turns Maggie over and FISHOOKS HER! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Break on five from the smirking Malaysia. COLE Malaysia enjoys dishing out punishment, even to her own sisters. I just hope she's not getting the same kind of enjoyment out of it she clearly did with Jade Rodez last week. That'd just be wrong. COACH Or, would it be soo right? COLE It would be wrong. And so would you be for watching it. COACH Oh yes I would. Crouching down, Malaysia reaches back ready to apply the Inverted Boston Crab which has inflicted so much damage in the past week! Seeing it coming, into action springs Melody. She hits the ropes in front of Malaysia and leaps at her with a flying bodypress... CAUGHT! Melody soon regrets her heroics, as she's thrown across the ring with a Fallaway Slam!! COACH DAMN! At this rate, Leon ain't gonna have no girlfriends! The distraction at least allows Maggie to recover, rolling over and kicking her feet up into Malaysia's midsection. Back she goes a couple of steps. Maggie quickly gets back to her feet and as Malaysia approaches... "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...she unleashes an ear-piercing scream... ...but her SCREMO tactics have NO effect. Infact, it seems like Malaysia might even be enjoying it! Referee Robinson sticks his fingers in his ears until Maggie's vocal chords finally crack, Malaysia waiting until that moment until grabbing Maggie by the throat, backing towards the ropes AND HURLING HER OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Poor Maggie bumps off the apron and hits the arena floor hard. COLE What sheer POWER! COACH Yeah, ain't nobody gonna stop Malaysia, it's official. With the Women's Champion out of the way, Malaysia re-focuses on her other sister and picks her back up to her feet. Melody is already on unsteady legs as it is, but the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns has something in mind for her yet. Gripping her by the shoulders, she forces Melody towards the corner and starts bumping her back against the turnbuckles until her body goes completely limp and referee Robinson jumps in to her rescue! Malaysia gives him a cold stare as Melody falls sadly to her knees. COLE Malaysia is just having her way here! Utter dominance. With that same unnerving smile on her face, Malaysia now reaches down and gutwrenches Melody. She deadlifts her to her knees and then up over her right shoulder with absolute ease. Malaysia carries Melody in the overhead backbreaker into the centre of the ring where she'd probably get a submission. But instead, she has other ideas... ...AND SITS OUT WITH A PILEDRIVER!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE ohmy.gif COACH OH SNAP~! COLE MELODY NERDLY, RIGHT ON HER HEAD! GOOD HEAVENS! The crowd seem to be in collective shock, so too Charles Robinson who takes a second to react to Malaysia's lateral press... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH We got a new Women's Champion! Over the stunned silence of the fans fires up "Wild Side", Malaysia standing over her lifeless sister and motioning for the belt. Robinson duly obliges before he ends up on the recieving end of any of the same. BUFFER Your winner of the match... and the NEEEWWW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... MMMAAAAALLLAAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIIAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRDDLLLLLLLYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia takes the Women's Title and raises it over her head, placing one foot on the chest of Melody as she does so. Referee Robinson quickly motions her away and drops to a knee to check on Melody. Malaysia meanwhile turns to the crowd with the belt still overhead... while down the ramp comes LEON RODEZ, looking concerned as he slides into the ring. COLE Malaysia Nerdly has dominated her way to the Women's Title. She's made an instant impact in the OAOAST and using her sister Melody's head, made one hell of an impact on the base of our ring... what an incredible, dangerous move that was! COACH Like I said, there's nobody gonna stop Malaysia. Nobody. As the new Women's Champ heads off with her title, Leon and Robinson continue to check on Melody's condition. Sat on the floor watching all of this is Maggie, holding her back and seeing Malaysia parading to the back with the Women's Title and her boyfriend attending to her sister. And, perhaps understandably, she storms off in a rage. COLE Things are getting no easier in the Nerdly family, that's for sure. Well, folks, when we come back we're going to take you to a live press conference held by Theodore Moneymaker. This situation continues to spiral further and further out of control, and I don't think Moneymaker is about to make it any better! COMMERCIAL

You know what Pennsylvania's most famous for? BLACK JESUS You know what else they're very famous for? The Amish! With Weird Al's Amish Paradise guiding the way, we venture across prime Amish destinations across the state, witnessing the miracle of self sufficiency, the use of horse driven buggy, and the complete absence of any technological advancement that the world has seen in oh...the last 300 years. The view switches to Anglesault, who in a three piece suit looks totally out of place amongst the fans and spectators who have taken a break from the show to come to the concession area for a quick snack. Sault stands in front of a merchandise table, ignoring the odd stares from several passer bys, and the thumbs up given to him by many more. ANGLESAULT I'm sure everyone is asking themselves what am I doing out here in the arena hallways? You're probably thinking that maybe I got a yearning for a fourteen inch Mariachi bobble-dong from the merchandise tables. Nope, got six at home and two in the office. Am I out here to try the fabulous chili cheese dogs? Nope, gotta watch the weight and I gotta watch the heartburn. The reason I'm out here is to be with the people. As close to the people as arena security will let me. “YEAH, ANGLESAULT!” a passing middle aged fan screams into the camera. ANGLESAULT Because these are the people I let down at School's Out with my behavior. Anglesault hears booing from the arena floor and looks to the area with saddened disapproval. ANGLESAULT I understand the kind of emotions that are associated with Theodore Moneymaker. He finished second only to Landon Maddix in the heel of the year award voting. He's a powder keg for hatred and anger. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” a few fans in a near by concession stand begin chanting, drawing a small smile from Anglesault. ANGLESAULT You see? Even amongst our wrestlers, there are many who fear him, few who respect him, and numerous who despise him. Simply put he's a terrible, awful, man, and if I met a person like him in the streets I wouldn't hesitate to punch his lights out! The brings a mighty round of cheers and applause from the arena floor. ANGLESAULT But, I didn't meet him in the street I met him at the House of Worship at School's Out, and even though I didn't send him to the injured reserves with one punch, I did lay my hands on talent. It felt good, though. Hell, it felt great if I'm going to be honest. For that moment when my hand connected with his cheek I felt like I had won the world title one more time. But, it was only for that moment. For those moments afterwards right up until I stand before you today I felt like total crap. Like I had lowered myself to his shenanigans and his trickery, that I had fallen for his classless behavior. I bought into Moneymaker and Abdullah's games, when I thought I could be the one to rise above it. I pride myself on being a man of respect and honor, and what I did there was neither honorable nor respectful and I did a disservice to you the people. I never should have laid a hand on talent in front of OAOAST fans and for that I apologize to all of you. You deserve a better class of leader, and I will give him to you. Thank you all for your support and forgiveness. Anglesault offers a solemn nod to the camera as it zooms into a medium closeup. We then return to sofa central where Coach is fairly skeptical. COLE And I think we've laid that issue to rest with that. COACH What? Laid it to rest? Son, we're just getting it out of bed. The hell kind of apology was that? That shit was shorter then half of Danny Devito. Abrupt, no feeling, like he was reading off a note card. Or because it was so short a post it note. And who the hell is he saying sorry to? The fans? They're happy he did what he did, so its gonna be “no apology needed, you rule” from them. They don't care, they think he should've Angle slammed him. That wasn't an apology, that's going to the bench and getting high fives after making your free throws. COLE Well, I'm getting word that Theodore Moneymaker has called an emergency press conference to address that apology! COACH And now we get some honest to god truth! AS thought he could get one by the true boss, but again Moneymaker is about to keep that ass in check. COMING UP NEXT MOLLY IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE NERDLY WOMEN'S TITLE: MALAYSIA VS MAGGIE VS MELODY NEXT STILL TO COME KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS BIFF ATLAS, VINNY VALENTINE, AND D*LUX LATER

Charlotte Sometimes-How could I just kill a man sings us over a fly through of the Wilkes Barre area before we settle back into the arena where two men in gold PVC bodysuits and wearing gold facepaint in the ring. Not neccessarily 'only in professional wrestling', although maybe at this hour. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing one hundred, sixty five pounds... CONQUISTADOR UUUUUNNOOOOO!! Confusingly, both Conquistadors raise their fists into the sky. COLE We'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who ordered School's Out 2008 this past Sunday... mainly because we have nothing to say about Los Conquistadors. COACH It's true. Them's killer lame. As the poor referee Mike Chioda tries to decide which Conquistador is which without them speaking a word of English, the crowd come to life as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company strikes up. Sweeping his purple and black robe through the entrance way is of course Leon Rodez, picture framing his perfectly styled hair-do before he glides on down to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, he is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Leon jumps to the ring apron and blows a kiss to the people before entering the ring. COLE Speaking of School's Out, Leon coming off a big victory over Jock Mulligan and he seems to be in a great mood tonight. Even with all the conflict between girlfriend Maggie and friend Melody going on. *DINGDINGDING* Disrobed and ready to go, Leon squares up to whichever Conquistador has volunteered to be Uno tonight. They lock-up and Leon quickly grabs a side headlock. Behind he goes with a hammerlock, out in front with a snapmare and then right back into the side headlock. LEON How was that? CHIODA (confused) Yeah, not bad. Uno climbs back to his feet and goes to the midsection with a right hand. And another one. Uno then wrings out the arm and puts Leon into a top wristlock. Not panicing, Leon calls Chioda over because he 'just might quit', only to then grab his collar, using him to assist in a backflip, into an armdrag to send Uno right out of the ring! LEON How was that? CHIODA Stay off my shirt Leon, come on! That's not legal and you know it. LEON Yeah, okay Mike, no touchy... how's my hair looking? Sliding back into the ring with an assist from Dos, Uno charges towards Rodez with his hands clasped. Leon sidesteps the double axehandle nonchalantly and Uno ends up charging into a corner. Hitting the turnbuckles sternum first, he staggers out and The Silky Smooth One hooks him up, hitting an Exploder Suplex! Cover... 1... 2... No! COACH Leon looks pretty relaxed considering his two girlfriends are wrestling each other later on. COLE Not just each other, but the mammoth Malaysia as... wait, two girlfriends? Come on, Coach! Leon takes his time about following up, letting Uno back up. Irish whip sends Uno to the ropes, Leon performing a leapfrog on him on the way back. Leon pulls off another leapfrog, just for fun. He then takes the Conquistador over with a Sitout Hiptoss... 1... 2... No! COACH So, who do you reckon loverboy'll be pulling for tonight? COLE I really don't think all this speculation is helping matters. COACH Yeah, you're probably right. Oh, I almost forgot, I've got a book running on which Nerdly sister he's going to doink next. Very competitive odds. But, we'll talk later. Leon backs Uno into a corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lays into him with a chop. That stings his hand a little though, so he decides to leave it at uno and instead whip Uno across the ring. Uno lands in the opposite corner and Leon jogs out, performing a leapfrog on an imaginary figure because the last two were just so enjoyable, then lunging into Uno's midsection with the SUPERMAN SPEAR! Leon lands on hands and knees, jumping back up and pulling Uno out of the corner. Double leg pick-up and a RUNNING Inverted Atomic Drop, jarring Uno's spine in the centre of the ring. COLE What price can I get for Madison? *ahem*...I mean, uh, big atomic drop! Off the ropes, Leon tucks and rolls, before delivering The Shack Attack clothesline! COLE With the confidence Leon's carrying from School's Out, this is virtually an exhibition. COACH Yeah. This is almost Krista levels. All we're missing is a show-tune, an obscure pictoral reference and ten more minutes of sonning and it'd be uncanny! With the crowd behind him, Leon grabs a hold of Uno and helps him back to his feet. Scooping him at the side, The Grand Rapids Golden Child carries the Conquistador over to one corner of the ring and delivers a backbreaker before signalling that he's heading to the top. The Wilkes-Barre crowd rise to their feet, knowing what's coming. Leon glides up the turnbuckles and wastes little time up top, tumbling onto Uno with the patented 450 SPLASH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Too much mercy. Registers only a .3 on the Krista scale. 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLEEEEEEEOOOOOOOONN RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hand raised in victory, Leon seems almost apologetic as he shrugs his shoulders. COLE Comprehensive stuff from Leon Rodez, on a roll in the OAOAST! Leon bails out of the ring and tags some hands on the way to the back, only stopping to get some reassurances about his hair from the nearest cameraman. COLE We'll go from a full head of hair to a balding one the size of a watermellon after these commercials, because we're going to hear from Anglesault! COACH And we better hear a damn good apology! COMMERCIAL

Wilkes-Barre is prbly pretty boring, no doubt. Thusly we'll explore the rest of the fine state of Pennsylvania, beginning with historic Lancaster. We journey across the beautiful landscape of the town that was once the US capital for a day, relaxing in its peaceful atmosphere and lush farm land to the sorrowed tune of Natasha Beddingfiled's Soulmate We go back into the locker rooms to find Leon Rodez in the middle of gelling up his hair, ready to face the public. As he dilligently curls at his hair trying to get it just right, another face appears in the mirror. That of Jade Rodez, who being Leon's niece and having spent most of her life thinking she was his little sister (seriously, I'm still a little confused about all that, I think that sentence sums it up okay though), isn't entirely surprised. JADE Busy? LEON (still concentrating) Yeah, not bad thanks, how are you? JADE ...yeah, I'll just sit down. Slumping into the nearest seat, Jade kicks back expecting a long wait. She absent-mindedly rubs at her bandaged right elbow, until Leon is finally satisfied and pulls himself away from his reflection. JADE And we are back! LEON So, let me guess, Krista's in make-up and you're in here hiding from Maya? JADE I don't hide from Maya! LEON That's not how she tells it. Not that I have any communication with her, but she and Shayne have each other's MySpace pages bookmarked and he left his laptop logged on at the hotel the other week. By the way, if you find yourself running to the toilet alot next time you gals order Thai, I've got a theory as to why. *taps nose* JADE I'm not even going to ask what your original plans for using the laptop were, but it does give me a good lead-in to what I wanted to talk to you about. By the way, my arm's fine, thanks for asking. Leon smiles awkwardly as he clearly just now notices the bandage. JADE Trust me when I say that getting involved in your love life is the last thing I wanna be doing. There's threads there that simply don't need to be pulled on. Who knows what that's going to cost me in counselling fees... although, I guess I could just ask Krista's, she's a nice enough woman and she's around the house quite a lot really. But, anyway. Far be it from me to get involved with your personal life, but somebody's got to do it. And since Shayne and Tyler are way too immature to talk to you about relationships without bowing at your feet, also quite disturbing, it might as well be me doing the talking. Now, I think we can both agree we've had more than enough secrets causing rifts between the two of us these past few months. So, truthfully. Is there anything going on with you and Melody? LEON Oh, Jade. Not you as well! JADE Leon, is there or isn't there? LEON No! Of course there's not. Maggie's just got the wrong idea, that's all. Still looking a little sceptical, Jade looks for any signs of wavering from her uncle. He's keeping it together though. JADE Okay, but can ya blame her, really? Come on Le', you've gotta admit you're spending a LOT of time with Melody recently. LEON Well... there might be some truth to that. We're friends. That's what friends do. I just feel a lot more comfortable around Melody. There's no pressure to be the ice cool pimp of life the outside world knows me as, ya know. I can just be... 'me'. She gets me. JADE That's because 'you' are an idiot nerd. And so is she. LEON Ouch. Leon pretends to be wounded, but he's getting no sympathy from Jade who stands up. JADE So you're just going to stand back and let them both keeping fighting over you? LEON Look, I'd love to talk this out. But I've got a really important match to prepare for tonight. Just then, one of the production crew members sticks his head in the door. PRODUCTION GUY Leon, your match with Conquistador Uno is up next. Jade folds her arms. LEON What? He's the number one Conquistador! Because... you know, uno means one, and all that. Worked his way all the way up from Conquistador Sesenta y Ocho. Look, don't judge me, okay. With his best storm-off, which admittedly isn't great, Leon leaves and Jade just sighs. COMING UP NEXT LEON RODEZ VS UNO NEXT!!! COMMERCIAL

I have no earthly clue where wilkes-barre even is in Penn.

A short but enjoyable little show as always. I will finish the rest of the graphics 2moro. yand for real fuck memorial day, what's the point of a holiday if i'm already out of school? Just another excuse not to deliver my mail. for that matter fuck 4th of july.

Half the length of HD. Twice the number of accused pedophiles! Check Local Listings The camera cuts to the OAOAST School's Out 2008 interview set where Tha Puerto Rican is standing by with Josh Matthews. The crowd cheers really loudly. Tha Puerto Rican is in his wrestling attire and is holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Sunglasses on his face, Tha Puerto Rican is the personification of cool as he paces back and forth waiting for Josh Matthews to start the interview. JOSH MATTHEWS Well P.R., we are just moments away from a historic moment in your career. Your first ever One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship defense. And you will be defending the Title that you worked so hard to get against not one, but TWO men in one match. How do you feel as you head into this match knowing that you have two men gunning for your Titl-- Tha Puerto Rican puts his right hand in Josh Matthews' face. The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN At long last...after all this time...THE CHAMP IS HERE IN ALBANY! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H HHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The crowd cheers. The camera cuts to several PRL signs in the crowd. One fan has drawn a really nice picture of Tha Puerto Rican in markers. THA PUERTO RICAN And so here we are. School's Out 2008. The main event! 3 men. 1 Title. MY Title. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! 3 men want it, only 1 man gets to have it. But it seems as though, over the past 2 months, the focus hasn't been on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, but on the saga of Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. The crowd cheers for the mention of Todd Cortez. THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT'D) First they're friends, then they are enemies, then they're friends again. Then they're enemies, then they're still enemies but they're in the same group. I lost track somewhere but apparently they became friends again, then enemies once more, then friends who are enemies depending on what day it is. Then Todd Cortez wants to buy Landon Maddix a box of chocolate. Then Landon Maddix wants to tickle Todd Cortez's nipples. WHO GIVES A CRAP IF THEY'RE FRIENDS OR NOT!? COACH I care. THA PUERTO RICAN And it seems as if everyone wants to know what they will do in tonight's Triple Threat Match. Will Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez try to work together? Will they duke it out amongst themselves? To be perfectly honest, whether those two work together or fight amongst themselves, the match will end the same way: with Tha Puerto Rican laying the smacketh down on BOTH of their roody poo candy asses and having his first of MANY SUCCESSFUL Title defenses! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H HHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN You see, this match is not about Todd Cortez. It's not about Landon Maddix. It ain't even about me! But it IS about what I have over my left shoulder. And that is the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And maybe those two jabronies will stop hating each other for a second and remember that, otherwise, this match will be easier than I think it will be! So Todd Cortez, the so-called 'Urban Legend', whether you team up or fight Landon Maddix, either way, you are going DOWN at the hands of the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, Tha Puerto Rican and that's the truth, Ruth! The crowd cheers again. THA PUERTO RICAN And as for you, Landon Maddix. Oh, man. Oh Landon. Landon! Landon! Landon! The crowd boos the mention of Landon Maddix. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. It looks like you've once again found your way into a Title shot that you don't deserve! Oh joy! And I UNINTENTIONALLY helped you get that shot too! Double joy! *Shudders* I had to take 5 showers just to get the dirt off of me after that match! Now, I am sure that you are mighty confident heading into this match. I mean, after all, there's no disqualifications, the Riot Act Plus has been banned, and you HAVE beaten me in Triple Threat Matches before. That last one probably is the most important fact to you, I am sure. However, Landon, old friend, you need a reality check! You see, Tha Puerto Rican that you faced off against last year? Well, that was a different Puerto Rican. An unfocused Puerto Rican. A distracted Puerto Rican. A Puerto Rican whose mouth wrote checks his ass couldn't cash! Well, alot has changed since the last time we fought, and if you need proof of that, just look at what I am holding right now! Ha! Ha! But seriously, Landon, if you for one second think that you have got me scouted right down to the smallest detail because of our matches last summer and fall, then, dude, you have NO IDEA just how wrong you are! Because Tha Puerto Rican of last year is NOT, AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NOT, Tha Puerto Rican that is standing before you right now! THIS Puerto Rican is focused. THIS Puerto Rican is ready. And THIS Puerto Rican is The People's Champion! THIS Puerto Rican is the P.R. Menace! And THIS Puerto Rican is greatness personified! And THIS Puerto Rican is gonna whoop your monkey ass all over Albany! The crowd cheers loudly! Tha Puerto Rican is FIRED UP, DAMNIT~! PRL looks straight into the camera. THA PUERTO RICAN Triple Threat Match. OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Tha Puerto Rican is ready. The crowd is waiting. All the while, Josh Matthews stands off camera masturbating. PRL nudges his head to his left and the camera pans over to Josh Matthews. JOSH MATTHEWS Hey! I wasn't--I--I--I wasn't-- Tha Puerto Rican pulls the camera back to him. THA PUERTO RICAN Do that in your own time, you SICK FREAK! You go play pocket pool somewhere else! Here, let me send you off on your merry way, vamanos! Tha Puerto Rican grabs the microphone from Josh Matthews and shoves him out of the camera shot. J. Math screams as he's shoved off camera. The crowd cheers. PRL adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. The main event of OAOAST School's Out 2008! It don't get any bigger than this! Tha Puerto Rican is ready to walk down The People's Ramp and get into The People's Ring. So, Todd, Landon, I have three simple words for you: JUST BRING IT, BITCHES~! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H HHHHHHH!" COACH That was four words. COLE Shush. Tha Puerto Rican waits for the crowd to quiet down before he continues speaking. THA PUERTO RICAN My dream came true at AngleMania VII. I am living out my dream...and I am not ready for it to end. Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back, and brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone and does The People's Eyebrow to the camera. "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican shakes his head, snorts, shakes his head again, and then walks out of the OAOAST School's Out 2008 interview set with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt still over his left shoulder. COLE Well ladies and gentlemen, the time is now! 3 men! 1 Title! 1 fall to a finish! Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Tha Puerto Rican defending his newly won Title against Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez! It's the main event of OAOAST School's Out 2008 and it is starting now! It is main-event time, the Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And without any further ado, let's go up to the ring. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" With the main-event atmosphere in the air, Incubus' "Megalomaniac" hits first, to a round of boos from the hostile Albany crowd! Striding through the school doors, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix sweeps his way down the school steps and does a dramatic twirl, none of which is appreciated by the crowd. Still smiling despite it, Landon marches to the ring with his mouth already running, showing off his Cucaracha Internacional t-shirt under his long sleeveless leather trenchcoat. COLE And I'm sure Landon will be hoping that's the theme of tonight. Cucaracha Internacional, will the ties that bind Landon and Todd Cortez mean anything in this one fall, every man for himself main event? I doubt it. COACH I hate people that answer their own questions. COLE Okay, answer this one for me Coach. Is Landon's gameplan tonight going to be the same as we saw a couple of weeks ago? Let Todd Cortez do all the work and try and steal in to get the pinfall on Tha Puerto Rican? COACH Well, it worked last time so hey, why not? After some discussion with some pro-PRL fans in the front row of ringside, Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE It's been seven months since Landon Maddix lost the OAOAST World Title. How he'd love to win it back tonight. Landon and Megan talk strategy, as the opening beats of "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche begin to play. Head down, Todd Cortez steps through the entrance doors and becomes surrounding by sparks. As his pyro dies down, he then marches straight down to the ring, cracking his knuckles as he makes eye contact with Landon. COLE Here comes the rightful number one contender, who by rights should be facing PRL one on one tonight. But that's not to be, thanks to his 'boss', Landon Maddix. COACH He lost fair and square. Deal with it. COLE He's also lost the right to use that devestating Riot Act Plus in the OAOAST, but Cortez is definately the wildcard in this match, no pun intended. Curiously there's applause as Cortez slides into the ring, not coming from the crowd but from his opponent, Landon Maddix. Not looking so sure is Megan and it's easy to see why from the look he gets from Cortez. Landon doesn't give up and tries to talk Todd into it being "you and me" tonight, then offers up his hand for a handshake. Cortez just stares right back at him though and Landon eventually gets the idea, slowly lowering his hand and exiting the ring as Todd slowly walks towards him. COLE I guess that answers the first question, huh? COACH Cortez is gonna regret that, trust me. COLE And yet Landon is the one that's running for higher ground. Cortez may still be under his control, but tonight Cortez's Cucaracha Internacional obligations are out the door. He can do exactly what he wants to Landon Maddix tonight at School's Out! COACH Except the Riot Act Plus. "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role 2000" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the school doors and through the smoke strides the reigning Champion, Tha Puerto Rican! Standing on the top step he takes a look out around the crowd, before beginning his walk to the ring. COACH How fitting. PRL's just about tall enough to look right at home walking out of a school. COLE Boy it didn't take you long tonight, huh? COACH Plenty more where that came from. Chants of "P.R.L!" fill the arena already as Tha Puerto Rican continues hus walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at Megan and Landon, who look on unimpressed from the outside. After a look towards Todd Cortez, Tha Puerto Rican then enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans adulation while "Know Your Role 2000" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. Landon bemoans his own lack of pyro as PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his hands again. COLE In the past five years, Tha Puerto Rican has found himself on many an occassion as the challenger in World Title matches. Tonight marks uncharted territory. Tonight, he is the Champion. The question is, will the pressure of no longer being the hunter and now being the hunted be too much for Tha Puerto Rican to overcome, with not one but TWO challengers? COACH He's choked before and he'll choke again. Different circumstances, same outcome. PR hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, recieving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring while the lights go back on in the arena. "Know Your Role 2000" dies down as the World Champion locks eyes with The Urban Legend. COACH Don't forget, PR doesn't even have to be pinned to lose the title. Landon could easily pin Todd and walk away with the belt. COLE Or Cortez could pin Landon and do the same. COACH Just like all those other times he's pinned Landon in the OAOAST. Oh, wait, maybe not! COLE Cortez has COST Landon World Titles and opportunities plenty of times before though. COACH Yeah, but that was with the Riot Act Plus. And he ain't gonna be doing that tonight! Cautiously Landon gets onto the apron and back into the ring, ready for the introductions, with each man being sent to his corner by the referee. BUFFER Wrestling fans, the One And Only AngleSault Thread is proud to present, live at School's Out Two Thousand And Eight, your MAIN EVENT of the evening! Scheduled for one fall to a finish, it is a Triple Threat Match with no disqualifications and no count-outs... and, it is for the OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE Wooorrrrllld! ARE YOU READY? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Albany, New York... ARE... YOU... rrrrrrrrrrRRRREADY!? "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance... and the millions watching around the world on pay per view, ladies and gentlemen... LLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET RRREEAADY TO RRRUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! All the competitors cut very different figures. Landon jumps around on the spot from foot to foot trying to loosen himself up, looking slightly pensive. Cortez stands totally still, stoicly staring forward and no one thing or person in particular. And the World Champion stands confidently in his corner, belt over his shoulder. COLE You can feel the tension here from all three men. BUFFER Introducing first, the challengers! Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring this evening by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... a former three time Champion of the World in two seperate promotions, including a former OAOAST World Championship... he is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional... ladies and gentlemen, LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon extends his hands to the sky despite the unflattering boos. With a smile he points over to PRL, who just shakes it off. BUFFER Next, standing in the corner to my right. He hails from 'Hollywood Boulevard' and weighs in tonight at two hundred, twenty six and one quarter pounds... tonight, looking to become the World's Champion for the very first time in his career... himself, a member of Cucaracha Internacional. Here is, "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOORRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" No response from Cortez, still stood deeply focused in his corner. BUFFER And finally, in the corner to my left! He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds. He is... the reigning and defending, One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... THHHAAAAAA PPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEERRRRRRTTOOOOOOOO... RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" PRL walks out from his corner and raises the World Title over his head, drawing a jealous look from La Cucaracha. Handing the belt over to the referee PR then goes back to his corner and limbers up, while the prize is shown to both challengers and then to the capacity crowd in attendance on all four sides. COLE That's what all three men are hoping to leave Albany with tonight. COACH That and the contents of their wallets. With the belt passed to ringside and everybody in place, the referee finally calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP THA PUERTO RICAN (Champion) vs. LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX (Challenger with Megan Skye) vs. "URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ (Challenger) The crowd is hot. Tha Puerto Rican, Todd Cortez and Landon Maddix all stand in the ring, staring at each other. COLE And here we go. The main event of School’s Out 2008 is underway. Tha Puerto Rican making his first ever OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship defence. COACH And his LAST OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship defence. The crowd continues buzzing as PRL, Landon and Cortez all stare at each other in the center of the ring. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" Todd Cortez puts his guard up as he moves closer to Landon Maddix. But then he changes his mind and moves closer to Tha Puerto Rican. COLE All three men somewhat cautious. Quite frankly, very VERY cautious here in the early going. Nobody wants to jumpstart this thing. Nobody wants to make the first mistake. COACH Come on! Fight! Damnit! Fight! Todd makes threats to Maddix, but then turns his attention to the World Champion. PRL seems somewhat surprised that Cortez would run his mouth at him, but that doesn’t stop the Latin Lion from running his mouth either. Cortez lets his guard down and walks up to Tha Puerto Rican. PRL stands in place and engages in a staredown with The Urban Legend. COLE Looks like Todd has some words for Tha Puerto Rican! COACH He’s still bitter that PRL ruined his one-on-one match! COLE This was SUPPOSED to be PRL vs. Todd Cortez one-on-one until Landon butted in! COACH And thank God for that, because who in their right mind would want to see Tha Puerto Rican vs. Todd Cortez one-on-one for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship? COLE I think these fans would have liked to see that. COACH So? Since when do we do things because the fans want to see them? Todd and PRL run their mouths while staring at each other face-to-face. By doing this, they completely ignore Landon Maddix, something he notices. COLE Cortez has got some personal animosity towards Tha Puerto Rican for what happened at the Milan Spectacular. COACH Uh, guys, Landon’s in this match too. As PRL and Cortez continue their trash talk, Landon becomes increasingly annoyed with the fact that nobody is paying attention to him. LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX Hey! Hey! Hey! Hello!? I’m right here guys! HELLO!? COLE Can’t Landon NOT be the center of attention for once!? COACH Of course not! And when he becomes World Heavyweight Champion AGAIN, he’ll have even MORE attention given to him! I can’t wait! Landon flails his arms around to try and get PRL and/or Todd’s attention. When that doesn’t work, he resorts to doing JUMPING JACKS, but that fails to get his two opponent’s attention too. COACH Landon is being ignored! What is wrong with PRL and Cortez!? COLE Frankly, this is what everybody in the OAOAST should have been doing ever since he came here. COACH Oh shush! Landon throws a temper tantrum, and that finally gets PRL and Todd to stop yelling at each other and make eye contact with Landon Maddix. LANDON MADDIX Hey jackasses! Did you forget that I was here!? I’m in this match too, you idiots! Don’t you ignore me! DON’T YOU DARE IGNORE ME! Landon shoves PRL AND Cortez at the same time! MADDIX I’m the next OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! I will not stand here and be ignored! I’M LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX! YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!? LET’S GET THIS MATCH GOING! COME ON! Tha Puerto Rican and Todd Cortez look at each other. THA PUERTO RICAN & "URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ Okay. Tha Puerto Rican and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez both punch Landon Maddix in the face at the same time knocking him down! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO! Tha Puerto Rican and Todd Cortez then begin stomping on Landon at the same time! COACH NOT THAT KIND OF ATTENTION! Todd puts the boots to his fellow stablemate, while PRL resorts to his trademark shaky leg kicks on one of his opponents tonight! COLE Well, Landon wanted them to pay attention to him and he got his wish! Be careful what you wish for, Landon! PRL stops stomping Landon a few seconds before Todd does. Once Todd stops stomping Landon, he picks him up and whips him into the opposite ropes. He follows that up with a dropkick, knocking the former OAOAST World Champion down onto the mat! Maddix quickly gets up and stumbles around the ring. Tha Puerto Rican sees this and rushes forward, clotheslining Maddix over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE And out goes Landon! COACH OH NO! The crowd cheers loudly. PRL runs his mouth at his long-time rival. It is because of this that P.R. doesn’t notice that Todd is in a fighting stance right behind him. When The People’s Champ turns around, he gets hit with an European Uppercut from Cortez! COLE And Cortez with a nice European Uppercut to Tha Puerto Rican! Remember, there are no friends in this match! All three men want to be known as OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The European Uppercut causes Tha Puerto Rican to stumble across the ring. PRL rests in a turnbuckle corner, which just gives Todd the chance to start laying into the current World Heavyweight Champ. Which he does. A lot. COACH Good, beat each other senseless. Makes it easier for Landon to win it all! COLE Todd probably thinking about the Milan Spectacular as he lays into the World Champion! The crowd doesn’t know how to react as Todd elbows PRL in the corner several times. He then goes to punches in bunches on Tha Puerto Rican. COLE And I am sure that this is what Todd wanted all along. PRL and himself, one-on-one! COACH Once again, thank God for Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! Cortez switches between punches and kicks, worrying the sold out crowd. Megan Skye can only watch as Todd grabs Puerto and takes him into the ropes. Todd grabs Puerto’s left hand and gives him an Irish whip into the opposite ropes. PRL charges forward, bounces off of the opposite ropes, and then charges forward. Cortez puts his head down, so PRL stops in his tracks, grabs Todd by his head, and simply slams his face into the mat HARD to the crowd’s delight! COLE And PRL is now on offence! Tha Puerto Rican throws up a "Killa B" for his fans, and then waits for Todd to get up. When he does, Tha Puerto Rican strikes with a Rock-style punch to the temple! Todd Cortez staggers due to the punch, resting on the ropes. So, Tha Puerto Rican grabs The Urban Legend by his left hand and whips him into the opposite ropes. Todd bounces off of the ropes, Tha Puerto Rican goes for a clothesline, Todd Cortez ducks the clothesline, charges forward, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward again, and jumps up, hitting PRL with a flying shoulderblock! COLE Flying shoulderblock from The Urban Legend! COACH Big whoop. Cortez quickly gets right back up and grabs P.R. by his left hand. He whips PRL into the ropes--PRL reverses, Cortez bounces off of the ropes--bumping into Landon Maddix just as he gets onto the ring apron! COACH LANDON! Landon’s fall distracts Cortez…giving PRL just enough time to charge forward and clothesline Cortez over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Todd Cortez joining his ‘leader’ on the outside! COACH Landon as the leader and Todd as the lackey. The way it should be! COLE Oh come on! The leader of Cucaracha Internacional doesn’t seem to care that Todd is in his stable as he picks up his on again/off again ally and starts hitting him with forearm shots to the face on the outside! Landon gets Todd good and dazed before grabbing Todd by his left hand and whipping him into the nearest STEEL ring steps! Todd hits the ring steps with both of his knees, going up and OVER the ring steps onto the protective mats on the outside! COLE Tha Puerto Rican threw Todd Cortez over the top rope where Landon Maddix was waiting! COACH It’s moves like that that made Landon Maddix OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in the first place! COLE Yeah, sneaking in and taking advantage of other people’s work! COACH That’s not what I meant. COLE It was Coach. You know it was. Landon chuckles at Todd as he lays on the ground holding both of his knees in pain. He mouths off to him as he climbs the ropes to get back into the ring. COLE BOTH knees were driven into the STEEL steps! COACH Good. Now all the ref has to do is count to 10 and Todd is eliminated from this match! COLE This is one fall to a finish, Coach! COACH D’oh! Landon continues mouthing off to Todd as he stands up tall on the ring apron. Little does he know that Tha Puerto Rican is up and walking towards him in the ring. He finally does notice when PRL grabs him by the hair and pulls him over the top ring rope and onto the mat! Megan shrieks in terror watching this! COACH OH NO! COLE Well, Landon is back in the ring at least! COACH Shut up! This is not funny! Landon holds his back in pain as he gets up. Once he does, Tha Puerto Rican nails him with a Rock-style punch to the temple. PRL grabs Landon by his left hand and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--NO!--Landon reverses, holds onto PR’s left hand, PRL goes for a clothesline, Landon ducks, grabs PRL from behind, and lifts him up for a back suplex! COACH YES! Maddix is on his left knee and catching his breath. PRL lies on the mat flat on his back, already breathing hard. The crowd boos loudly. Despite this, Megan screams out words of encouragement to Landon, applauding her man for his back suplex. COLE Landon with a back suplex on Tha Puerto Rican. These two have grown to know each other over the past 12 months! COACH Except not in a good way. Maddix gets up, takes a deep breath, and then goes over to Tha Puerto Rican and starts stomping on him. COLE Landon Maddix and Tha Puerto Rican are once again going at it. Remember, these two men have duked it out in the past. The Badd Boy Of The OAOAST and The Saviour Of The OAOAST have traded victories several times. COACH And like always, it will be Landon who will come out victorious here tonight! COLE A Triple Threat Match plays out a little bit differently than a regular one-on-one match, Coach. COACH But who has defeated Tha Puerto Rican in more Triple Threat Matches than anybody else? I rest my case. COLE Touché. P.R. tries to rest in a turnbuckle corner, only to get stomped in the stomach some more by Maddix! COLE The former Champ going to work on the current Champ. The belt went from Landon to Stephen Joseph Popick to Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Eh. 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Landon continues stomping on Tha Puerto Rican’s stomach, and then chokes PRL with his right foot. Maddix uses the bottom ring rope for leverage. "COME ON! BREAK IT UP! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIV--" Landon lets go at the count of 4. He glares angrily at Earl Hebner as he backs away from Tha Puerto Rican. The People’s Champion gasps for air on the bottom turnbuckle pad. COLE Landon in control of Tha Puerto Rican. COACH What else is new? Megan Skye has a smile on her gorgeous face as she watches Landon walk with a swagger over to Tha Puerto Rican. Maddix shoves PRL into the turnbuckle. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Hard Ric Flair-like knife-edged chops from Landon Maddix! COACH It is better to steal from Ric Flair than The Rock, in my opinion. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" LANDON MADDIX WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HA! HA! HA! THA PUERTO RICAN GRABS LANDON AND SHOVES HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH He’s stealing from Ric Flair now, huh? Great. Tha Puerto Rican whips Landon into the opposite turnbuckle. PRL then charges forward, jumps up, and nails Landon with a Stinger Splash! COACH And now he’s stealing from Sting too!? Just keep the lawsuits coming there, P.R.! COLE Will you stop!? Tha Puerto Rican grabs Landon by his left hand, and then whips him into the opposite ropes--Landon reverses--PRL bounces off of the ropes, Landon jumps up and snaps PRL down onto the mat with a Hurri-Lanrana! COLE Hurri-Lanrana! A trademark Landon Maddix move delivered to the World Heavyweight Champion! COACH Beautifully executed! Maddix gets up and outstretches his arms, drawing more boos from the crowd. Landon still has a cocky smile on his face anyway. "LAN-DON SUCKS!" "LAN-DON SUCKS!" "LAN-DON SUCKS!" "LAN-DON SUCKS!" COLE This crowd in the Pepsi Arena REALLY laying it into Landon tonight. COACH So? Megan Skye is the only person, male or female, applauding Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix in the entire arena. The leader of Cucaracha Internacional taunts the former leader of The Lightning Crew telling him, "I’ve got you now punk!" Maddix walks with a swagger over to Tha Puerto Rican and picks him up. He taunts the crowd while doing so. Landon then grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his head and runs with him towards the ropes. Once there, Landon leaps over the top ring rope and onto the floor while still holding onto PRL’s head. This causes PRL’s throat to meet the top ring rope, and as a result, PRL snaps back off of the top ring rope and onto the mat, back-first! COLE Shades of the legendary "Macho Man" Randy Savage right there! COACH Who is also better than The Rock. Maddix taunts the fans at ringside. The crowd is getting hot, rooting for Tha Puerto Rican to get back into the match. Landon slides back into the ring underneath the bottom rope. He picks Tha Puerto Rican up. Landon grabs PRL by his left hand and whips him into the ropes--NO!--PRL reverses, kicks Landon in the gut, pulls him in, cradles him up, and delivers a DDT on La Cucaracha! The crowd cheers! COLE Cradle DDT! PRL with the Esto Daño De La Cogida De La Voluntad! COACH In whatever language, it STILL hurts! COLE Exactly. Tha Puerto Rican covers Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. He hooks Maddix’s left leg. Earl Hebner counts. COLE Is this it? 1... 2... 3! LEFT SHOULDER UP!!! COLE And Maddix got the shoulder up just in the nick of time! Maddix immediately rolls out of the ring underneath the bottom rope. He rests on the ring apron, catching his breath, and then slowly walks around the ringside area. Megan stands on the other side of the ring and watches Landon with concern on her face. PRL rolls out of the ring underneath the bottom rope himself and walks after the groggy Landon Maddix. The P.R. Menace grabs Landon by his hair and slams his face onto the top ring step! COACH AAH! PRL then grabs Landon and whips him into the barricade--Landon reverses, and PRL hits the barricade back-first HARD! PRL staggers forward, right into a clothesline from Landon Maddix! Landon staggers forward, right into a clothesline from Todd Cortez! COLE And Todd Cortez is back up on his feet! COACH Rats! Todd points a menacing finger at Landon, who is lying flat on his back on the protective mats. Earl Hebner tries to get Cortez back into the ring, but Cortez lunges after the referee, and the ref stops bothering him. COLE Todd Cortez is standing tall! Both of his opponents are in pain! He has his pick of the litter! Who is he going to choose to attack now? Who is he going to select to punish next? COACH Please be P.R. Please be P.R.! Cortez goes after Landon, but then sees PRL lying on the ground face-down, so he decides to go after him instead. COLE Cortez going after the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, looking for *his* first OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship here tonight at School’s Out! Todd Cortez grabs Tha Puerto Rican and places him against a barricade. He knees the World Champ in the stomach several times! He then switches to punching PRL in the face! COLE Could Todd possibly become World Heavyweight Champion by pinning the current World Heavyweight Champion or making him submit? COACH Not if Landon has anything to say about it! A few more right hands from Todd Cortez daze Tha Puerto Rican! Todd then grabs Tha Puerto Rican and then throws him into the ring underneath the bottom rope. Cortez then enters the ring himself underneath the bottom rope and then stomps Tha Puerto Rican in the back of his head! COLE Todd Cortez not stopping his attack on Tha Puerto Rican! He’s been dying to become World Heavyweight Champion ever since he came to the OAOAST, and that desire has only gotten stronger ever since he broke free from Landon Maddix! COACH And then came back to him like a good little lackey is supposed to. COLE Not by choice, may I remind you. COACH Deep down he always wanted to. I just know it! COLE Oh come on. Todd picks Tha Puerto Rican up. He takes him over to a turnbuckle corner where he proceeds to slam PRL’s head onto the top turnbuckle pad! The crowd is torn on who to cheer for. Todd punches PRL in the face with right jabs in the turnbuckle corner, further weakening the Latin Lion. He kicks PRL in the stomach a few times. Then he goes back to punching PRL. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE Both Todd Cortez and Tha Puerto Rican are fan favorites, but it looks like Tha Puerto Rican is the guy that the fans want to win this match right about now! COACH Fair-weather fans. Todd is not paying attention to the fans, instead continuing to beat up Tha Puerto Rican with punches and kicks. He punches PRL again and again. Todd Cortez goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PR fires with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He then hits Cortez with ANOTHER Rock-style punch to the temple! And another! And another! And another! The punches take PRL and Cortez away from the turnbuckle and into the center of the ring! The Rock punches daze and confuse The Urban Legend! PRL runs backwards into the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward RIGHT INTO A CROTCH-DROPPAH~! COLE Crotch-Droppah on Tha Puerto Rican from Todd Cortez! COACH There goes the chances of any offspring from Tha Puerto Rican (thank goodness). As PRL jumps up and down holding his crotch, Todd Cortez follows up the Crotch-Droppah with a STO! COLE And then the STO! STO on Tha Puerto Rican! Cortez goes for the cover. Earl Hebner counts. 1... 2... RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!! COACH Good. Landon still has a chance. Cortez slaps the mat in frustration. Then, from out of the corner of his eye, Todd Cortez sees Landon Maddix get up onto the ring apron. Seeing this, Cortez stands up, charges forward, and knocks Maddix off of the ring apron and onto the floor! COACH Not again! COLE Down goes Landon! The crowd cheers! Todd sneers at Landon, who is lying on the ramp in pain. Todd mouths off to him, and then turns around… Tha Puerto Rican grabs "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez by his neck! Tha Puerto Rican lifts "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez up! Tha Puerto Rican gives "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez a SITOUT CHOKESLAM BOMB~!!! COACH YO~! COLE Oh my! Did I--Did I just see that!? Did Tha Puerto Rican just give Todd Cortez…the Urban Assault!? COACH He did! He did! He did the Urban Assault on The Urban Legend! Now PRL is stealing moves from the guys he’s wrestling! COLE Tha Puerto Rican pulling a page out of Todd Cortez’s playbook with the Urban Assault! COACH He’s stealing! Just say it, Michael! PRL takes a moment to catch his breath after doing the Urban Assault. The crowd is going nuts! PRL then walks on over and makes the cover, hooking Cortez’s left leg. Earl Hebner counts. 1! 2! COLE Will it be enough!? LANDON MADDIX BREAKS UP THE PIN!!!! COLE We’ll never know as Landon Maddix interrupted the count! COACH FINALLY…Landon Maddix…HAS COME BACK…TO THE MATCH! Landon Maddix starts stomping on Tha Puerto Rican! COLE All three men are back in the ring! The match continues, and who knows who will win!? COACH Come on Landon! Come on Landon! Maddix continues stomping on PRL. He then yells at the fans, drawing more jeers from the thousands in attendance. The former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion picks Tha Puerto Rican up. The crowd roots for PRL to come back into the match. Landon sneers at the crowd. He looks at Megan, who motions for him to continue his attack. Landon nods his head and smiles. Maddix taunts Tha Puerto Rican and then punches him in the face several times. PRL is now on spaghetti legs. As a "P.R.!" chant starts up again, Landon taunts PRL some more, smiles evilly, laughs manically, and then runs backwards into the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward…Tha Puerto Rican scoops Landon Maddix up onto his shoulders! COLE He could be going for a Samoan Drop here! However, Tha Puerto Rican holds onto Landon. He walks around the ring with Landon on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. COACH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP!? Tha Puerto Rican has a sly smile on his face as he parades Landon around the ring on his shoulders. Megan is confused about why PRL is doing this. COLE You don’t think… COACH No way. Landon struggles to escape, but is unable to. Instead, Tha Puerto Rican nods his head, smiles, and then throws Landon Maddix off of his shoulders…sending him right into his right knee! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE GO 2 SLEEP! COACH WHAT!? COLE GO 2 SLEEP ON LANDON MADDIX! COACH WHAT THE HELL!? The crowd (and Megan) are shocked by this! Landon lies on the mat covering his face in pain. Tha Puerto Rican throws up a "Killa B", and then drops down to his hands and knees. COACH HOW DARE HE STEAL LANDON MADDIX’S FINISHER! THAT IS A CRIME! THAT IS A CRIME! ARREST THAT MAN! ARREST THAT MAN! PRL covers Landon, hooking his left leg. COLE Is this it? Will PRL beat Landon Maddix with his own move!? COACH NO! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! TODD CORTEZ STOPS THE PIN JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!!!! COACH THANK YOU GOD! COLE Todd Cortez saving his stablemate right there! COACH Just like a good lackey should. Todd stomps on Tha Puerto Rican! He picks PRL up and punches him in the face a few times! Todd goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL fires off with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He does it a few more times! Punch, punch, punch, NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Todd goes down! PRL then turns his attention back to Landon Maddix who is slowly starting to get up from the Go 2 Sleep. PRL helps Landon up. He punches Landon in the face a few times, and then whips him into the ropes--Landon reverses, Landon holds on. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix kicks Tha Puerto Rican in the stomach. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix grabs Tha Puerto Rican. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix applies a front facelock on Tha Puerto Rican. COLE What the--? Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s long red tights. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix looks at the crowd with an evil smile on his face. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix jumps up… Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix jumps down DRILLING Tha Puerto Rican’s head onto the mat! COLE P.R. NIGHTMARE! COACH YES! YES! YES! P.R. NIGHTMARE! P.R. NIGHTMARE ON THA PUERTO RICAN! COLE A P.R. Nightmare from Landon Maddix on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH PAYBACK, PUERTO! PAYBACK! COLE Could this do it!? Could Landon Maddix become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion again by using the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion’s finishing move!? COACH YES! YES! YES! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix covers Tha Puerto Rican, making sure to hook his left leg. 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! TODD CORTEZ STOPS THE PIN JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!!!! COACH NOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE Todd Cortez stopping the count after Landon Maddix used Tha Puerto Rican’s own P.R. Nightmare against The People’s Champion! COACH Well, turnabout’s fairplay! Tha Puerto Rican was using Landon Maddix’s Go 2 Sleep! He was getting what was coming to him! "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez grabs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix and takes him over to a turnbuckle corner where he proceeds to slam Landon’s face onto the top turnbuckle pad! He then starts punching him in the face repeatedly in the turnbuckle corner. COLE Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez, both men apart of Cucaracha Internacional, but they are not exactly the best of friends DESPITE being in the SAME group! COACH It’s jealousy. Pure and simple. COLE Yeah right. Cortez continues hitting Landon with right jabs to the face, weakening the self-proclaimed Saviour Of The OAOAST. The Urban Legend grabs Maddix by his long blonde locks and takes him into the ropes, where he proceeds to whip Landon into the opposite ropes--NO!--Landon reverses and kicks Todd right in the stomach! Landon then grabs Cortez and scoops him up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. The crowd groans. COLE Uh-oh. COACH OH YES! OH YES! OH YES! Todd quickly slips out of Landon’s grasp and lands back on his feet on the mat! He turns Landon around and kicks *him* right in the stomach! Cortez then grabs Landon and scoops him up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. The crowd cheers! COACH WHAT IS THIS!? Megan is panicking on the outside! The crowd is going nuts. Todd Cortez walks around the ring with Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix on his shoulders struggling to escape. COLE Look at this! COACH NOT AGAIN! "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez has a look of RAGE~! on his face! He walks around the ring with Landon on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. COLE He could be going for it! COACH UGH! Landon continues struggling to escape, but is unable to. Instead, "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez nods his head, lets out a primal scream, and then throws Landon Maddix off of his shoulders…sending him right into his right knee! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE GO 2 SLEEP! ON LANDON MADDIX! AGAIN! COACH OH MY GOD! COLE GO 2 SLEEP ON LANDON MADDIX! THIS TIME FROM TODD CORTEZ! COACH IT’S NOT FAIR! The crowd (and Megan) are shocked by this! Landon lies on the mat covering his face in pain. Again. COLE First PRL, now Todd Cortez both giving Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix the Go 2 Sleep! What the hell is this!? COACH THAT THUG! THAT MISCREANT! HE’S A LACKEY! HE’S A LACKEY! HE ALWAYS WAS AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE! COLE I guess Todd figured that if he can’t win with the Riot Act Plus, he might as well win using his ‘boss’ finishing move! COACH THAT THUG! I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I AM SEEING! "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez takes a deep breath. He then drops to his hands and knees and then crawls over to make the cover. Earl Hebner counts. Megan Skye is shaking her head "NO!" The crowd counts along. COACH NOT LIKE THIS! DON’T BEAT HIM THIS WAY! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! THA PUERTO RICAN STOPS THE PIN JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!!!! COLE And Tha Puerto Rican saving his Title right there! COACH Oh Thank you! Thank you P.R.! I will never say this again but thank you P.R.! Thank you P.R. for stopping the count! AH! Thank you! Some of the crowd is disappointed that that wasn’t the finish. PRL, Todd Cortez and Landon Maddix all lie on the mat. COACH How humiliating would that be? To lose thanks to your LACKEY using YOUR finishing manoeuvre!? A LACKEY for crying out loud! Not even a WRESTLER, but your LACKEY!? COLE Todd Cortez is the furthest thing from a lackey now and you know it! COACH It is who he really is. Why does he constantly keep on fighting it!? Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix slowly rolls out of the ring underneath the bottom rope. Tha Puerto Rican and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez slowly get up. Both men are sweating, breathing hard, and groggy now. Cortez grabs Tha Puerto Rican and goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Tha Puerto Rican hits "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez with a Rock-style punch to the temple! Another. And a third. Megan tends to Landon on the outside, while PRL sets Todd up in the ring. Pulling Todd into a standing headscissors, PRL elevates him up and over the back, trying to lock him in the Che Guevara Special. Cortez kicks his feet free though and escapes, pulling the World Champ down with a Backslide... 1... 2... Kickout by PRL, who instantly looks for a clothesline. Ducking the line, Todd gets PRL in a waistlock and looks for a German. Standing switch by Tha Puerto Rican, running Todd into the ropes and pulling him back with a roll-up... 1... 2... Kickout by Cortez. Tha Puerto Rican falls into the ropes but avoids going to the outside by grabbing the top rope. He quickly pulls himself back inside and again charges at Cortez with a clothesline... but Cortez has the same thing in mind and BOTH men connect with clotheslines at the same time! COLE Oh, both men go down! COACH Come on Landon, this is your chance! Landon is still down on the outside though and unable to capitalise. In the ring, both Cortez and PRL take advantage of the referee's count andstay down to the count of 5 before they begin to stir. Both start to climb to their feet at the same time. It's at this point where Megan finally gets Landon back up and revived. PRL and Cortez fight to their feet and instantly start fighting again, trading right hands. Maddix watches this and his face suddenly turns into a scowl as he fires up and slides back into the ring, fuming at having been hit with own finishing move twice in quick succession. He slides in, lets out a yell... and runs right into the right hand of Tha Puerto Rican! Away he staggers... into the right hand of Todd Cortez! Another punch from PRL! And another from Cortez! COLE Landon Maddix being turned into a human pinball here! Staggering from punch to punch, Landon is eventually hit so many times that he comes to a stop just trying to stay upright on his feet. Taking a look to each other, PRL and Cortez get the same idea at the same time and deliver stereo punches to La Cucaracha to knock him down! COLE PRL and Cortez doubling up, a little unconvential teamwork from two guys beating the hell out of each other only moments ago. COACH Which is completely unfair if you ask me. It's every man for himself, it's not supposed to happen like this! COLE If Landon had his way, it would have been two on one with him and Cortez doubling up on PRL. COACH Exactly! PRL and Cortez turn back to each other and resume their battle. PRL tries to catch Cortez napping by hooking under his armpit for the Latin Slam, but The Urban Legend elbows his way free. Grabbing the arm, Cortez then shoots Tha Puerto Rican off into a corner. Cortez follows in, but eats boot! With Cortez dazed, PRL runs the ropes and aims for The Urban Legend's head with a clothesline. Todd sees it coming and ducks underneath, only to wind up right in the path of Landon Maddix. With a boot, Landon sets Todd up for a DDT. Turning on his heels, PRL puts aside his miss and goes after Landon. But Maddix ducks the clothesline as well and grabs a hold of PRL while keeping a hold of Todd... *WHAM!* ...and falls back, delivering a DDT to Cortez and a Complete Shot to PRL at the same time!!! COACH BRILLIANT! COLE Maddix gets a two for the price of one'er, what a resourceful move! With both men down, Landon picks his poison and goes for the cover on Cortez to his left... 1... 2... NO! Landon immediately turns over on top of PRL! 1... 2... NO! Quickly climbing back up, Maddix stomps Cortez back down before running the ropes. Coming back, La Cucaracha springs up and delivers the double stomp to Cortez... and the back senton to PRL!! Not taking any chances, Landon then decides to cover BOTH men at the same time... 1... 2... DOUBLE KICKOUT! COLE Landon's going to struggle to keep two men down at the same time like that. COACH But he's keeping them down all the same. If PRL and Cortez want to turn this into handicap match, Landon'll take them both on at the same time, no problemo. COLE I think he'd be better served getting one of his two opponents isolated, personally. Back up, Landon heeds the advice as he picks up his stablemate Cortez and pitches him out of the ring. Dusting his hands with satisfaction, Landon then turns back to PRL... who is back up, surprising La Cucaracha with a double leg sweep and applying the SHARPSHOOTER!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE SHARPSHOOTER! Landon's idea backfired! COACH Landon's idea!? It was YOUR idea! This is your fault! PRL sits back with the hold as the roar of the crowd intensifies. Landon writhes around in pain but simultaneously wags his fingers around, not giving up just yet. Nodding his head, PRL encourages him to go ahead and tap. "TAP!" "TAP!" "TAP!" "TAP!" In a panic, Megan resorts to desperate tactics and actually helps Cortez to his feet on the outside! Much as Todd doesn't appreciate the help, he does appreciate why his former girlfriend is doing so. And he brushes past her to slide into the ring, bundling into the World Champion from behind to break the hold up! Some boos sound out as PRL ends up underneath the bottom rope holding the back of his head. Relieved, Megan mouths the words "thank you, thank you" to Cortez... ...who responds by kneeling down on Landon's upper back and applying THE HOOK UP!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT THE- COLE Submission hold by Todd Cortez now! Megan's thanks suddenly turns to fury as Landon again squeals out in pain from the submission predicament. He's quickly saved by PRL though, as he runs over and delivers a boot to the side of Todd's head. Away rolls Todd, while PRL takes a rest against the ropes and Landon finally finds some relief from all the submissions. COLE These three men are putting it all out there in pursuit of the World Heavyweight Championship, here in your main event of School's Out 2008. And as in most triple threat matches, we're seeing the struggle to not only get one opponent down for a pinfall or submission, but to get the other out of the way for long enough so as not to break it up. Having gotten his breath back, Tha Puerto Rican goes back after Todd Cortez, picking him up and running him face-first into the turnbuckles! Down goes Todd in the corner. PRL delivers a couple of shaky leg kicks, then leaves Todd aside as he sees Landon getting back to his feet. The World Champion goes to pick him up, but Landon proves to be playing possum and springs up, hooking PR for the CUCARACHA CUTTE... NO! A shove in the back from PRL sends him into the ropes, caught on the way back and planted with a Spinebuster, dead centre of the ring, bringing the Albany crowd to it's feet! COACH No. Not this! Anything but this! COLE This capacity crowd can feel it! PRL removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down onto Landon's face. He then does some weird hand signals before bouncing off the ropes, leaping over Landon, and then bounces off the opposite ropes... ...BEFORE GETTING MOWN DOWN WITH THE HOLLOW POOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNTT!!~!1!~!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE TODD CORTEZ FROM NOWHERE! We could have a new World Champion! As PRL ends up folded up over himself from the impact (Lol PUN!), Cortez first has to crawl over to where he landed, then push PRL over on his back before finally hooking the leg... 1... 2... 3- NO, LANDON RECOVERS TO MAKE THE SAVE!!! COLE No, so close! We were a half second away from crowning Todd Cortez as the World Heavyweight Champion! COACH That'll never happen, not so long as Landon has anything to say about it! With PRL out of the way, Maddix and Cortez renew their hostilities. Landon unloads with a series of forearm shots, until Todd catches him with a kick to the back of the knee. A kick to the thigh is followed by one to the chest and Landon goes down, rolling to his knees and offering the hand of friendship! COLE Gimme a break! Not falling for that one, Todd brings Landon up to his feet by the EARS! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Landon HATES those chops! And with that shrill scream of his, sitting about ten feet from the ring, so do I! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" In the middle of his latest shout, Landon finds the inner strength to go to the eyes on Cortez! Away staggers Todd, blinded, while Landon grimaces in pain and rubs at his beat red chest. Maddix then grabs Cortez for an irish whip. Reversal by Todd, but only to arms length as Landon reels him back in with a mule kick to the stomach. Reaching back, he hooks the head and runs for the turnbuckles, scaling the ropes one by one... but getting dumped over top before he can hit the Shiranui! Landing on his feet safely, Landon spins Cortez around and aims with a forearm. Underneath goes Todd, quickly turning around... ...and getting guided SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Smart thinking from Landon! COLE And now, look at him stalk Cortez, just waiting for him to turn around. As Todd peels his shoulder away from the cold steel, Landon watches him intently. His eyes narrow as Todd falls to one knee. Landon waves Todd to his feet, all issues of being stablemates cast aside now. As Cortez comes his way, he pulls him back by the waistband of pants and turns him around. A knee to the ribs doubles Cortez up, allowing the scowling Landon to pull him into a standing headscissors. COLE Wait a minute. COACH Oh yes, do it! COLE Is Landon going for the Riot Act Plus!? COACH Yes! The ultimate poetic justice! Landon pauses for a second with Cortez seemingly at his mercy, wiping the hair from his eyes. COLE After all the times Cortez has cost Landon World Titles, World Title opportunities, with this very move. Is this going to be the move that ends Todd Cortez's World Title aspirations!? After his hair is just right, Landon reaches down and hooks his arms around Cortez's waist, setting... ...but suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican darts out in front of Landon... *SMACK!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND DECKS LA CUCARACHA WITH A SURPRISE SUPERKICK!!! COLE WHAM! LANDON IS OUT! COACH Damn, that would have been so perfect if not for PRL. Story of this whole damn year! As Landon hits the deck, Cortez finds his way back to his feet. But he walks right into the arms of Tha Puerto Rican, getting scooped up off his feet and dropped down right beside Landon with a Spinebuster! Popping back up, Tha Puerto Rican jumps over to Cortez's head... then takes a look to his right, noticing Landon down as well. He raises an eyebrow, as he removes his remaining elbowpad and throws it down to the canvas. He kicks Cortez's arm over his chest. Then, he kicks Landon's over his. COACH What? COLE On both of them!? Tha Puerto Rican takes a look around the crowd and does some weird hand signals before bouncing off the ropes. He leaps over Cortez, then leaps over Landon, before bouncing off the opposite ropes. Up and over Landon he goes again, coming to a stop between the perrenially feuding stablemates... ....AND DROPPING DOWN WITH BOTH ELBOWS!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE DOUBLE Puerto Rico Elbows! PRL sits up, nursing his ribs, trying to decide who to cover first. COLE The World Champion has got his pick of the challengers here. COACH This is why they should have worked together. PRL eventually makes the cover, on Landon Maddix... 1... 2... MEGAN SKYE CLIMBS ONTO THE APRON!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh come on! That would have been three! COACH Prove it. Standing up off of the cover, PRL throws his arms in frustration as the referee tries to get the steel chair weilding Megan off the apron and back to ringside. She drops the chair into the ring but continues to reminstrate with the ref. COLE Megan Skye just saved Landon from defeat, no doubt. COACH She'd better quit while she's ahead though. We know Tha Puerto Rican has no qualms about hitting women! Just ask Lindsay Gonzalez! COLE Well, she deserved it. COACH Wow. You heard him folks, 'she deserved it', the address to write in with your complaints is... Tha Puerto Rican walks over towards Megan, who stands her ground, keeping an eye over the ref's shoulder waiting for Landon to get back up. Unfortunately, it's not Landon getting up though. It's Todd Cortez. But although it's not who Megan wanted, he does read Megan's plan as he picks up the steel chair! COACH Yes! Go ahead, do it! COLE No disqualifications, Coach. COACH ...crap. Do it, then hit yourself in the head! COLE You realise they can't hear you, yes? COACH I don't care, I'm caught up in the moment! With the chair in hand, Cortez suddenly has what seems like second thoughts as he weighs up whether to hit PRL or not. Megan doesn't realise that though and jumps to the floor. PRL warns her to keep her nose out of the match from now on, before turning around, blissfully unaware of what awaits him... ...CHAIRSHOT... ...DUCKED!! COLE No, he misses! Dropping the chair, Cortez turns around and gets caught with a boot to the gut. Grabbing a front facelock, PRL sets Cortez up as he grabs onto Todd's pants ready to lift. COLE Here we go, P.R NIGHTMARE! COACH NO! Tha Puerto Rican gets a good grip on Cortez before he finally elevates him off the canvas... ...but as he does so, Landon Maddix sneaks into view. COLE Wait a second... With Cortez on the way up and a split second away from being driven into the canvas, Landon rushes over. PRL doesn't notice him coming until it's too late, and couldn't do much about him anyway with Todd in his arms. Jumping onto the World Champion's back, Landon elevates his knees up into the back... ...and as PRL delivers the P.R NIGHTMARE to Todd Cortez, as intended... ...instead of landing back-first on the canvas, HE LANDS ACROSS LANDON'S KNEES WITH THE LUNGBLOWER!!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH YES! Expert timing! COLE PRL got the P.R Nightmare, but Maddix hit the Lungblower on him at the same time! Cortez goes rolling away on impact, PRL going the other way with his back arched in pain. Eyes lighting up, Landon glances around and scrambles over to The Urban Legend while the Albany crowd jeer wildly. COLE Maddix, ever the opportunist, he's gonna steal this from right under PR's nose!! Cover by Landon... 1... 2... 3- NO, FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh man, Cortez BARELY got that foot out. Not sure if that was great ring positioning or just a lot of luck. COACH Obviously, the latter. Frustrated with his stablemate's resiliance, Landon picks Cortez up, far enough to dump him over the bottom rope to the arena floor with a satisfying thud. Landon then turns back to PRL, finding himself one on one with the World Champion now. COACH Now we're getting somewhere! COLE Landon has Cortez out of the way and PRL is hurt. La Cucaracha may be closing in on his second World Title... four if you count SWF gold! With PRL still nursing his back, Landon stands over him and tells the crowd it's over. They typically respond with boos. Smirking, Landon reaches down and grabs Tha Puerto Rican by the head. Humiliatingly, he slaps PRL across the face a couple of times, yelling "you wanna use my move, huh?" as he picks him back up to his feet. With a finger pointed in the face Maddix then gives Tha Puerto Rican some last words, before scooping him up onto his shoulders, into the fireman's carry! COACH Time for Tha Puerto Rican to Go 2 Sleep! Maddix turns away from the ropes, but his confident look turns to one of fear as he starts to feel PRL squirming around in an attempt to escape his clutches. Shaking his head, Landon refuses to let PR go. But the World Champion has his back against the wall and fires away with a succession of elbows to the side of the head! Three, four, five connect! Landon is wobbly... and he loses hold of PRL! COLE Not yet it's not! COACH Come on Landon, recover! Landing on his feet, Tha Puerto Rican grabs Maddix by the shoulder and spins him around... KICK! *WHAM!* CAPPA KILLA... ...NO!! Maddix pushes PRL away! Heading towards the turnbuckles, in the nick of time Tha Puerto Rican throws up his hands and blocks himself. He then turns around, fists clenched... *CRACK!* "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND GETS LAID OUT WITH A CHAIRSHOT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Oh no, not like this! COACH You said it yourself, no disqualifications! COLE Yeah, but... NOT LIKE THIS! With a satisfied smile, Landon tosses the chair aside, dusts his hands and drops down with the cover... 1... 2... 3 NO, TWO, TWO!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE NO! THA PUERTO RICAN KICKS OUT! THIS ONE IS NOT OVER! COACH say wat? COLE PRL worked too damn long and too damn hard to lose the OAOAST World Championship like this, Coach! Landon cusses out the referee before storming back to his feet, grabbing the steel chair again. Angrily he slams it against the mat, before screaming at PRL to get back up again. Woozy, the World Champion blinks as he tries to focus his brain again after that mind scrambling chairshot. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" Mouthing off to PRL, Maddix slams the chair against the mat again. COACH He's teeing up. COLE One more shot and it could be lights out for Tha Puerto Rican! Slowly the World Champion stirs and starts to get to his feet. Out of the line of Landon's sight meanwhile, Todd Cortez is pulling himself up to the apron with similar troubles to Tha Puerto Rican. Landon's eyes are focused on PRL though and he waits, as PRL finally starts to get to his feet. COACH Here it comes! PRL's head is gonna fly further than that seventy yarder David Beckham scored this weekend! PRL staggers to his feet with the help of the ropes. Shaking out the cobwebs, he pushes himself off the ropes and Landon rears back... ...just as Todd Cortez leaps to the top rope and springboards towards him... *CRACK!* "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LANDON SPOTS CORTEZ OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE AND SWATS HIM OUT OF THE AIR WITH A CHAIRSHOT!!!!!! COACH Going, going, going... *CRACK!* BUT AS LANDON TURNS AROUND, PRL LEAPS UP AND KICKS THE CHAIR RIGHT BACK INTO HIS FACE!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE GONE!! VAN DAMINATOR!!! COACH AAHHHH! COLE Landon took his eye off the ball and it cost him dearly!! The Albany crowd goes wild as Maddix goes rolling right the way under the bottom rope and out of the ring, at the feet of a horrified Megan Skye. She kneels down and tries to revive her man. But it's clear, he is KTFO! Back in the ring meanwhile, PRL turns his attentions to Todd Cortez. Having taken the chair in the body on the way down and bounced his head off the mat on landing, he's holding virtually every part of his upperbody as he staggers back to his feet. Waiting on him, Tha Puerto Rican stoops down into a crouched position. COLE That leaves just Tha Puerto Rican and The Urban Legend! COACH Do something Megan! Cortez is dazed and walks right into PRL. A kick doubles him up, The World Champion hooking the head, hooking up the tights and lifting... *WHAM!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"" COLE A SECOND P.R NIGHTMARE! Rolling Cortez's body over, PRL reaches back and hooks a leg, Megan only able to watch in despair with Landon still not moving... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE THA PUERTO RICAN... IS STILL... CHAMPION! *DINGDINGDING!* PRL rolls off of Cortez and checks his own forehead for blood after the chairshot he took not too long ago. No sign of any, not that he'd care either way as his hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... and STILL the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... THA PPPPUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRTTOOOOOOOO... RRRIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And what a match he had to survive to be so! COACH Ah, damn you Todd Cortez! I knew he'd screw this up for Landon! COLE You are so negative. Collecting the World Title belt, PRL scales the middle turnbuckle and raises the belt over his head in one arm with the Albany crowd on their feet to salute him. PRL smells the electricity, before stepping down and scaling a second set of turnbuckles. On the outside, a groggy Landon Maddix sits and looks up at PRL overhead, unable to believe what's happened. Taking a look down at him, Tha Puerto Rican smiles and Landon starts to throw a fit, before going groggy and having to be calmed down by Megan. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has survived his first test as OAOAST World Champion. One hell of a match from these three competitors and the road ahead may only get tougher for PRL, but he has proven he's a worthy World Champion tonight. As PRL comes off the turnbuckles he stops over Todd Cortez. Looking down at him for a few seconds, he then scales another setof turnbuckles while The Urban Legend is checked on by the referee. Landon is carted away by Megan meanwhile, looking on mournfully at the World Champion's celebrations in the ring. COLE This has been another rollercoaster Pay Per View ride here in Albany. Tha Puerto Rican has passed his first test as World Champion with flying colours. Our next Pay Per View extravaganza will be next month in Minneapolis for The Great Angle Bash! We'll see you first this Friday night, live on TSM on HeldDOWN~! From The Coach, I'm Michael Cole signing off from School's Out 2008 with Tha Puerto Rican... TOP OF THE CLASS! COACH Awful! Tha Puerto Rican continues to lap up his victory and parade the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title belt, as we... FADE OUT!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD The opening twang of Flobot's Handlebars begins over a blank screen. I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars Grainy footage of a chubby faced eight year old Zack Malibu, zipping along the roads of a Go Kart Track is shown. It fades into a mini montage of pictures of a teenage Zack, his prom photos, his high school graduation pictures, his DJing at various parties around Rhode Island, and large Thanksgiving dinners with family. The final image of Zack is as an adult, surrounded by friends taking in the night sky above their beach bonfire. I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars We see a picture of Krista Isadora Duncan at age ten standing at the foot of a theater stage, looking ever so cute in a tiara that sparkles as brightly as her smile, and wearing a blue gown that's partially obscured by the bouquet of roses that signify her victory of the Little Miss Southern California pageant. That serene image switches by a hectic and lively video of a college aged Krista surfing waves off Malibu's coast. The video dissolves into an image of Krista hoisting a trophy for her victory in the 50th annual summer shores surfing competition. At rapid speed we then run through the numerous covers of Krista's fitness videos and books, pictures that mingle with Billboard Video and New York Times bestseller lists that rank her at number one. Finally we view Krista, shedding tears of joy in Hollywood during her walk of fame ceremony. Look at me, look at me hands in the air like it's good to be ALIVE and I'm a famous rapper even when the paths're all crookedy I can show you how to do-si-do I can show you how to scratch a record I can take apart the remote control And I can almost put it back together I can tie a knot in a cherry stem Several baby pictures of Theodore Moneymaker flash across screen, interesting based on the fact that he's only being held by maids and servants not by any member of his prestigious family. We then see pictures of a grade school aged Moneymaker joined by his teenage cousin Tony Brannigan, shaking hands with various politicians such as George Bush SR, Pat Buchanan, and Newt Gingrich. Moneymaker high school exploits are documented by various breathtaking highlights from his renowned career as a varsity quarterback. A more recent photo shows an overjoyed Moneymaker inside a crowded gym with every attendee on their feet. He's in a wrestling singlet soaked through by sweat, holding up a trophy to celebrate his NCAA championship wrestling victory for Yale University. I can tell you about Leif Ericson I know all the words to "De Colores" And "I'm Proud to be an American" Me and my friend saw a platypus Me and my friend made a comic book And guess how long it took I can do anything that I want cuz, look: I can keep rhythm with no metronome No metronome No metronome I can see your face on the telephone On the telephone On the telephone A diaper clad Synth Esizer runs through a Nevada desert trailer park with an energy that can only belong to a bright eyed toddler. The brilliant smile on his face carries over to age eight where he sits in his living room on x-mas day, unwrapping his first ever drum set in front of teary eyed family members. The smile continues to lodge on his face through pictures of he and Logan during their high school days. We see them holding beers at parties, dressing up as Motley Crue for Halloween, and shredding at their first performance at a senior citizen's home of all places. Synth's montage ends with greyed current day video of him and Logan still banging on their instruments inside his garage. Look at me Look at me Just called to say that it's good to be ALIVE In such a small world All curled up with a book to read I can make money open up a thrift store I can make a living off a magazine I can design an engine sixty four Miles to a gallon of gasoline I can make new antibiotics I can make computers survive aquatic conditions I know how to run a business A six year old hockey stick toting Leon Rodez treats an archaic ice rink somewhere in central Michigan like he was Steve Yzerman playing in the Stanley cup finals Joe Louis Arena, blazing down the ice as fast as his little legs will carry him. Unfortunately the puck is on the complete opposite end of the rink! A future in hockey may not have awaited Leon, but an appearance on Idol may not have been far fetched, as footage of him bringing down the house at a high school talent show with his rendition of “If you think I'm sexy” shows. Then we see an 18 year old Leon jetsking through Lake Michigan at the side of this then sister, Jade. We last see Leon twirling in self satisfied pleasure beneath the purple spotlights that highlight his OAOAST entrance. Miles to a gallon of gasoline I can make new antibiotics I can make computers survive aquatic conditions I know how to run a business And I can make you wanna buy a product Movers shakers and producers Me and my friends understand the future I see the strings that control the systems I can do anything with no assistance I can lead a nation with a microphone With a microphone With a microphone I can split the atoms of a molecule Of a molecule Of a molecule The peaceful remembrances of days gone by are no longer, no replaced with scenes of chaos and violence. They're malicious nature is magnified by bloody splotches that occasionally filter through a sepia toned image. The first picture comes from the Miley Cyrus spectaculars where PRL terrorizes Landon Maddix with vicious right hands in the center of the ring. Look at me Look at me Driving and I won't stop And it feels so good to be Alive and on top My reach is global My tower secure My cause is noble My power is pure I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let'em all die in exasperation Have'em all grilled leavin lacerations Have'em all killed by assassination There's quick almost fleeting image of Bohemoth enjoying a sunny childhood afternoon on the shores of Myrtle Beach, that is overtaken by prolonged and gory images of his fearsome power; he shatters opponents with powerbombs and spinebusters. The montage lingers on the suffering he inflicts on Zack Malibu, the blood splotches increasing in size and occurrence with the more brutal attacks. I can make anybody go to prison Just because I don't like'em and I can do anything with no permission I have it all under my command I can guide a missile by satellite By satellite By satellite and I can hit a target through a telescope Through a telescope Through a telescope and I can end the planet in a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust The montage moves in super speed, blazing across the screen in fiery haze of carnage and hate. The blood shrouds sequences of the OAOAST superstars at their most deplorable and despicable. Bohemoth shoves Zack to the ground after refusing a handshake, Jock Mulligan launches Baron Windells through a window, The Deadly Alliance stand above the destroyed bodies of Heat and PRL, Landon Maddix is obliterated by a riot act plus, CPA leaves the All American Boys in bloody ruins. I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handle bars No handlebars I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars As fast as that previous montage was, the following moves with even larger speed, showcasing teenage Krista dominating her surfing competitions, 10 year old Synth in 7th heaven with his new drum set, eleven year old Maggie Nerdly wildly skateboarding down the streets of Edmonton with Molly videotaping her, 15 year old Shayne Brave performing with incredible skill in front of thousands at a tap dance recital, A smugly thrilled Christian Wright accepting his diploma and recognition as valedictorian at Columbia University. We dissolve from a serene and sweet picture of an infant Zack Malibu being cradled by a loving mother. From the logo we're transported into the arena where the camera pans from the elaborately designed entrance set, past the hooting and hollering crowd and to the announce team. Double C has changed their usual attire for the night's event, switching their polo shirts from HeldDOWN's orange to SO's purple. Unfortunately they didn't change their boring ass personalities! COLE Welcome to Albany, New York for the 2008 edition of School's Out! What a pleasure it is to be celebrating the end of the school year by poisoning the minds of many impressionable youngsters with the OAOAST's special mix gratitious violence, hedonistic sexuality, comedic bigotry, and anti Americanism! They say a kid can forget two months worth of things he learned in school over summer break. Let's try to fill that up with some thinly veiled flag burning anarchistic libertarianism! COACH I'm down! COLE I knew you would be, friend. Death to the fascist two party democracy that has reduced our land to an easy target for terrorists both domestic and abroad, and physical as well as mental. The bombs they plant in your mind are just as dangerous as the ones planted beneath your homes. Stay out the bushes! COACH We ain't got no idea what the card for this show is, really. COLE No we don't. But, I have a massive erection right now. Is it because SO's reminds me of how I was tag teamed by some my bi-curious mates in marching band after homecoming. Yes. But it might also be because Mister Dick against Leon Rodez is first up. Leon Rodez doing the right thing sticking up for his friend Melody... COACH To the neglect of his GIRLFRIEND Maggie. COLE And taking on Jock Mulligan when no one else had the guts to. COACH Not guts. Stupidity. No one had the stupidity to mess with the fastest rising star in the OAOAST. Or should I say the fastest rising dick in the OAOAST. COLE No that title belongs to Jumbo. They don't call him that because he likes to strip you naked in the shower and videotape himself peeing on your face. The PENIS-COPTER that made national headlines this past week flies towards the entranceway from underneath the overhead arena jumbotron, exploding upon reaching its destination to shower the stage with golden pyro. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 The music sounds and the Dick, the whip and the Amazonian bitch stroll down the ramp. BUFFER Wrestling fans, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently on his way to the ring, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing 238 pounds, the cock of the walk… MISTER DICK! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jock removes his cowboy and poses on the turnbuckles, arms spread, as Malaysia cracks the whip. COACH Doesn’t that make you wish Malaysia would step on your pubes? COLE My God, no! Malaysia rubs Jock down as "Rock The Casbah" is cued, bringing the fans to their feet. BUFFER And his opponent! Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing 218 pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Leon soaks in the atmosphere, acknowledging several pro-Rodez signs and banners. Big smile on his face, the New Age Love Machine sprints to the ring and poses on the very turnbuckle Jock Mulligan did minutes earlier to a thunderous ovation. MR. DICK (looking around) COACH Wait a second, Mikey. How come Jock didn’t receive a rousing introduction from Michael Buffer like Leon Rodez did? COLE Because he’s a dick. Let’s not forget, it was his actions on The Love Shack that lead us to where we are this evening. COACH It’s just like you to blame a guy you don’t like, Cole. Leon Rodez is the one who started everything. He speared a guy trying to find his contact lens. COLE Jock doesn’t even wore contacts! Off comes the robe and Leon Rodez is ready for battle. Rodez and Mulligan eye to eye and nose to nose as referee Nick Patrick sounds the bell. * DINGDING * Mr. Dick lays the verbal smack down on Rodez, poking his finger into the Silky Smooth One’s chest, which is promptly swatted away. Leon used to doing the poking and not the poked in his previous line of employment. Jock takes exception to Leon’s exception and throws a punch, but Rodez ducks under and executes an atomic drop. Doubled over, Mr. Dick again comes face to face with Leon Rodez, who lifts him up for a series of INVERTED ATOMIC DROPS!! 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!!! COACH 10. 10 inverted atomic drops. A bit excessive don’t you think, Mikey? COLE I think Leon’s getting even for what happened this past week on HeldDOWN~! Jock sells the atomic drops in comedic fashion. But there’s nothing funny about the Irish whip and SITOUT HIPTOSS that follows, only pain. Rodez hooks the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! And Mr. Dick rolls outside to regroup as Leon receives the adulation of the fans inside. COLE Things not looking too good for Mister Dick here in the early going. COACH Early being the keyword. Jock re-enters the ring and locks up with Rodez, quickly grabbing him in a side headlock. Leon shoots Mr. Dick off to the ropes and eats a shoulder tackle. Rodez pops to his feet and leapfrogs Mulligan, catching him on the rebound with an OVERHEAD SUPLEX! ONE… TWO… NO! Mr. Dick kicks out and Leon avoids a clothesline. Rolling Sole BUTT finds its mark and Jock is set for an EXPLODER SUPLEX…but he fights back, landing a series of elbows to the head to break free. The Grand Rapids Golden Child ducks a DISCUS PUNCH and brings Jock down in CRUCIFIX-- NO, JOCK FALLS STRAIGHT BACK, SQUASHING RODEZ LIKE A BUG! “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" High vertical suplex leaves Rodez laying in the center of the ring, and then Jock drops a big elbow. ONE… TWO… And again Leon kicks out. The New Age Love Machine refusing to go down quietly. Mr. Dick’s imposing lady friend distracts the referee as he HEADBUTTS LEON IN THE GROIN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name. Just Being A Dick. You love that, don’t you, Coach? COACH You say that with a lot of distain. I bet you go to sleep at night dreaming of Jock performing that act on you. Mr. Dick throws Leon outside and has a chat with referee Nick Patrick as Malaysia… * WHAP * * WHAP * * WHAP * ….WHIPS the Silky Smooth One, leaving welts on his back! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, come on. It’s turned into a handicap match now. Jock rolls Leon back in and slaps the side of his leg to signal for the STIFF KICK. He lunges forward, but Rodez sidesteps and lands a jab! JAB! JAB! JAB! Leon turns to blow a kiss to the crowd, then wallops Mr. Dick upside the cranium with an enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Jock stumbles forward and throat-first onto the middle rope, lighting Rodez’s eyes up like a Christmas tree as he sees an opening to CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" His strength zapped by that move one, Jock falls back in perfect position for a 450 SPLASH!! NO!!! “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” MR. DICK GETS IT UP! HIS KNEES THAT IS! COACH (laughs) Mama said knock that bitch bojangles. Jock toys with Leon, paint brushing him while talking smack. Rodez is stomped on the head and whipped into the buckle, the recipient of a CORNER CROSSBODY BLOCK. COLE What impact. COACH You know what he calls that, Mikey? And you’ll love this. Bite My Giant Dick! Running bulldog coming up, but Leon hurls Jock in the air and down. The worse for wear Rodez bumbles around and into a STIFF KICK! ONE… TWO… THR-- KICKOUT!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" MR. DICK "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Looking to silence the crowd and end the match, Jock goes for the COCK BLOCK…BUT LEON ROLLS THROUGH AND COUNTERS WITH A MIDAIR HIPTOSS. Rodez leapfrogs Mulligan and nails him with a FLYING FOREARM! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Leon Rodez has all the momentum on his side now, whipping Mr. Dick to the buckle…SUPERMAN SPEAR! Jock takes a nosedive mid-ring, and Rodez looks to lock on the LIONTAMER, but Malaysia hops on the apron and grabs the attention of not only referee Nick Patrick but Leon Rodez as well. COLE Do your job and get her down from there, ref. She has no business on the apron. COACH You don’t honestly believe Nick Patrick could get Malaysia to back down? Why she’d wipe the floor with him. As thought, Malaysia’s created a distraction so Mr. Dick can grab the WHIP she left behind in the far corner. Jock wraps it around his fist and slowly begins to creep up on Rodez. Then a loud ROAR, as BARON WINDELS enters through the crowd and serves up a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT on his former partner! COACH The hell? Where did he come from? COLE I don’t know, but he just got a measure of revenge on the man who turned his back on him and millions of fans. Leon notices Jock on the mat, shrugs his shoulders and makes the cover. COACH Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! Smiling from ear to each amongst a sea of fans, Baron pumps his fist as Leon’s hand is raised in victory. Referee Nick Patrick then chased up the ramp by Malaysia, who returns to assist Mister Dick. COLE Mister Dick may need a couple of aspirins to relive his headache after being spiked on his head by Baron Windels. COACH This is a travesty, Cole. I bet Leon had Baron waiting in the wings because he knew Mister Dick was the better man. COLE Just keep telling yourself that. Right now we'll go from one Nerdly girl with arms the size of a tree trunk. COACH To a Nerdly girl who once built a bong out of a tree trunk! Very resourceful girls. Margret? Over we swoop to the OAOAST School's Out interview set, where Maggie is indeed standing by, with a fixed scowl on her face. Probably because, in a just dumb as hell scheduling decision, her guest is none other than MELODY Nerdly! Maggie is dressed up in her schoolgirl outfit ready for their match later, while Melody is still in her regular clothes. MAGGIE Hey everybody, this is Maggie Nerdly with the hot scoops, not to mention plenty of great interviews too! Right now I'm standing by with my older sister Melody, who apparantly realised she wouldn't be able to pull off the schoolgirl look at her age without coming off like one of those sad, desperate e-dating website dwellers on a hen night in Las Vegas. MELODY Hey, I'm twenty... *incoherent mumbling*. MAGGIE You don't need to tell me 'sis, we can tell! Cue much growling from Melody, trying to keep her cool. MAGGIE Anyway, Melody, my first question is... why are you such a bitch? Melody's eyes widen... ...before she SPEARS Maggie to the ground, causing a full-scale CATFIGHT to break out!!! Nearby referees and security personnel, plus those like Jumbo and Deuce Deuce Bigalow who happened to be watching because Maggie as I've already mentioned is in a schoolgirl outfit, rush over to pull the feuding siblings apart, which is no easy fear. More hair is traded between the two sisters and the claws are out, as Maggie and Melody are eventually pulled apart and separated from each other. Awkwardly, we go back out to Sofa Central earlier than planned to Cole and Coach. COLE Who's bright idea was that? COACH I dunno, but I'd like to buy them drinks after the show for making that beautiful moment possible. COLE Well we're going to see more of Maggie and Melody later on... COACH God I hope so! COLE ...but in the meantime, let's go back up to the ring.

HOUSE OF WORSHIP With your Inspirational Leader....Abdullah Abir Nerdly Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Salif Keita's Tomorrow brings its peacefull epic sounds to Albany only to be greeted with an outpouring of total hatred. Yet its not the wonderful song that's drawn the crowd's ire, its the man on the entrance stage, Abdullah Abir Nerdly. With his hands held to his side, and his face beaming a smile as wide as the entire state, you'd think he were being welcome as a prophet and a savoir, not as a devil and a fool. Escorted by a bevy of delicious Arab beauties in belly dancer costumes, Abdullah strolls down the entrance the ramp. The smile never once leaves his face, and erry image when contrasted with the violent anger of the audience. COLE And we're set for a very highly anticipated House of Worship, with none other then Anglesault as the special guest. Abdullah has had big names on his show before, Krista, Jock, Mackenize, The Beverly Hills Blonds, and he's just adding to his list of superstar interviews. Its just a shame that he's a biased self serving piece of trash! COACH Silence yourself, fool! He's a leader and an inspiration. His HOW this past Syndicated gave voices to the men this company has tried to silence for much too long! He's a speaker for the prophets and the people! With is virgins at his side Abdullah is guided into a fantastically designed set, that's made too look like the throne room of a middle eastern palace with rhinestone encrusted pillows, bejewled golden pillars and a porcelain fountain featuring a lifesize statue of the man himself. The Inspirational Leader kisses the ground and then blesses an audience that attacks him with wave after wave of booing. ABDULLAH Good evening, my parishioners. “BOOOOOO!” ABDULLAH Those members, those many enlightened souls, who have let the light shined by Abdullah Abir Nerdly ministries shine into their once hell bound now saved hearts, sit within their homes, with hands clasped and mouth moving in honest earnest prayer! Prayer for the poor, misfortune, fools who dare celebrate the end of the educational period with a pay per view so called extravaganza entitled School's Out. To a man of intellectual, spiritual, mental, and astral advancement the words School's Out ring with the same danger as the words “SOS”, “Officer Down!,” or “DOA”. School's Out is a signal, a signal for help from a world that his danced to far from the path of righteousness and education! As classrooms empty, the minds of a people empty as well. As the minds of the people empty so does the will of society. And as that empties so does man fall into the hands of the underworld! Hands of the underworld which crush man beneath a fistful of troubles, maladies, and problems! Abdullah pauses to sip from a golden chalice, and then get fed a cherry from once of his attendants. ABDULLAH Only Allah and his many, many, many mercies can provide hope where all has been lost! Only Allah and his many, many, many, mercies can provide relief to mankind's self inflicted wounds and suffering. Only Allah and his many, many, many mercies can right the unjust wrongs so many of you have committed. Praise be! COACH Praise be! ABDULLAH I turned to Allah, as I so often do, during these times of overwhelming stress and pressure, where the terrible actions of a corrupt world weigh on a holy man such as myself, and I asked him to give me strength. Oh, please, Allah give me the strength I need to proceed! And in typical Allah fashion, he did not give me the strength needed to lift boulders over my head, or the strength to unify warring African tribes. He gave me the opportunity to be strong, the same opportunity he gives each and everyone of you everyday, and that you pass up! But, I did not pass it up! No, no gift of Allah may be ignored by one who seeks ultimate wisdom. As speaker for prophets, and emissary of peace and justice, I knew best where my talents might be utilized. As Mister Moneymaker's spiritual counselor during his campaign against Anglesault, I had done nothing but sit by and offer valuable tidings of peace and goodwill to a great man. That was noble of me. And yet it was weak. Weak, because, even as holy spirit, I should've been a tireless warrior, slinging arrows and clashing swords on the front lines! Tonight, I shall correct my error, tonight I shall strike the warrior's pose and deliver a warrior's blows. Tonight I will bring Anglesault onto enemy grounds, and, Allah willing, I will either have truth or I will lay flames upon Anglesault's house of lies! Praise be! The patriotic triumph of Medal blasts out the speakers, teaming with a hearty round of applause to welcome Anglesault onto the stage. Despite the warm reception from the Albany crowd AS doesn't appear happy to be a guest on the HOW and walks in a brisk pace to get the ordeal to a quick conclusion. COLE Anglesault's been put through a lot by Moneymaker and crew, and according to Moneymaker it can only get worse from here on out. Full credit to the boss though, he hasn't backed down and he won't be afraid. There's definitely no fear in AS' eyes as he enters the lavish set of Abdullah's HOW. There's merely a strong anger and a thick sense of impatience that exudes from him. The hosts' offering a plush pillow to sit on is declined with a nasty grunt that sets Abby at ill ease. ABDULLAH Mister Anglesault, I believe your anger is misplaced. ANGLESAULT My anger is placed exactly where it belongs, Abir Nerdly. Right into your squinty little eyes. You call yourself an emissary of peace, a speaker for the prophets. Do you know what I call that? I call that a load of crap! “YEAAAAA!” ANGLESAULT A complete load of crap, and you better consider yourself mighty fortunate that I even allow you to spew it on MY television show. Understand? Here's what I see.. ABDULLAH What you see, matters not! Your visions and interpretations are irrelevant! They come from the eyes of a jaded, dull, myopic criminal! I want to hear what the truth sees Anglesault. I want to see through the eyes of the justice with 20/20 vision. That is why we have gathered today in this house dedicated to greatness of Allah. We have gathered to give him and his children the truth! ANGLESAULT The truth? You want the truth? “You can't handle the truth!” ANGLESAULT The truth is that I'm standing here, wondering if the OAOAST might be better off with one less Nerdly child. “YEAAAAA!” ANGLESAULT Here's the truth for you, Moneymaker, and any other malcontent in your camp. Under my reign the OAOAST has added a second weekly show, Syndicated, its bought out two rival companies, HI-YAH and WDW, its had 90,000 people attend Anglemania in the Skydome and another 100,000 attend Anglemania in the coliseum, its featured wrestlers from HI-YAH to the SWF and every where in between, and its gone on its longest international tour yet, with record setting profits cementing it as a global phenomenon. There's your truth right there Abdullah, and its currently telling you to shut the hell up! The fans applaud AS enthusiastically and he returns their kindness with a knowing nod. COLE Harsh words. ABDULLAH Truth? In the name of Allah, there is no truth in any word you've just spoken! There is nothing but foolish arrogance and dangerous pride. Pride always comes before the fall, Anglesault. And your fall draws closer and closer. ANGLESAULT Is that a threat? ABDULLAH There are no more threats. There is only reality, my child. ANGLESAULT Fine. Truth. The truth is that my general managership has been...amazing. Truthfully amazing. I gave you facts, you gave me hyperbole. Theodore Moneymaker is trying to create a problem where none will ever exist. He, and my few detractors are trying to make out to seem like I'm the type of crooked boss to play favorites. I don't play favorites, I play winners. An athlete like Zack Malibu he's on top because he earned his way to the top, and he continues to earn his right to be there. He'd be a star in this company even if a goat was in charge! With myself, you rise and fall on your god given talent, or lack thereof. Moneymaker? He's rich, he's powerful, and that's known to the world. But what's becoming increasingly more and more known to myself is that maybe he just isn't good enough to be in the position he wants to be. And there's not a dollar or threat of blackmail on this earth that will ever change that. Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith COACH You done did it now, Anglesault! The wrath of the audience burns as hot as the flames on the entrance stage, and both combine to make for a particularly fiery entrance for the detested heel. If Moneymaker were bothered by the crowd's sizable hate it feels to register on his face or body. He twirls between the smoldering conflagration, pridefully displaying his red three piece suit and its black pinstripes. With Axl Rose's vocals pleading for the audience to show him sympathy, Moneymaker struts down the ramp. Sympathy is of course in short supply, and with every step he takes the booing seems to grow louder and louder. COACH Here's the guy who should be leading HeldDOWN into the next decade and beyond. Mister Theodore Moneymaker does and knows all. Dude comes real with it at all times of day. Sault bout to get put in that place! I rode a tank Held a general's rank When the blitzkrieg raged And the bodies stank Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name, oh yeah Ah, what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game, oh yeah Anglesault's disdaining eyes mark Moneymaker's path up the ring steps and into the House Of Worship. When Moneymaker strides past the belly dancing lovlies, the anger spreads from AS' grey orbs into deepest parts of his heart. Its with great restraint that he stops himself from attacking Moneymaker on sight. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” MONEYMAKER Clever, very clever. You should all be commended for your cutting wit. Its a shame that I find myself again addressing a topic that should've been resolved the very moment I brought it up. Anglesault I never ever thought that I would hear you or anyone else ever use the term “amazing” to express your run as GM, unless they had been hit in the head with a lead pipe or had lost all control of their mental facilities. ANGLESAULT I'm very much in control of my mental facilities....And my physical ones. “OOOOOOH” MONEYMAKER BWHAHAHHA. Yes, I'm sure you are. Answer me this, through your haze of self congratulation and mental masturbation do you still have no earthly clue, that your reign as GM has laid waste to foundation stones of a once great company? ANGLESAULT Maybe, you didn't hear me, earlier. But check the first quarter reports, if you're looking for something to drop your jaw over. MONEYMAKER I checked them and I heard you, and I ask what god is a penthouse suite on 5th avenue if its very foundation is made entirely of mud and sticks. We are in much more than a battle for power, we are in an idealogical struggle. And you Anglesault, with your tragically know it all minions, and the sycophants you throw in the announce tables to parrot your lies and double talk, try to bury and destroy any brave soul that dares to call your chicken salad chicken shit! Brother Abdullah, its very fortune that I came out when I did... ABDULLAH All praise be unto Allah for your good timing! MONEYMAKER because if I hadn't, he would've thrown you under the bus the way he's done so many who speak out on his policies that prefer obvious favoritism and irrational decisions in lieu of simple common sense! Anglesault's decisions aren't made based on talent, ability or potential, they're based on who's verbal blow jobs satisfy him more. This isn't a business man with the mental acumen to lead a company as grand as this. How many times must I say that before you all wake up? He is a brute, a bully with a questionable past, that suppresses all right thinking dissent. He is not fit for leadership of any kind! I want any of you who doubt our messages to ask Reject and ask Nathaniel Black how they were rewarded for having the courage to challenge this useless scumbag! ANGLESAULT Scumbag? Listen, buddy, if there's a scumbag on this stage, then it sure as hell ain't me. “YEAAAAAA!” ABDULLAH It very much is you. Its you now and forever! MONEYMAKER A stubborn, pigheaded, scumbag, that's what you are, because if there one solid theme to your administration and to your entire overrated wrestling career its your constant inability to quit when you're behind. You aren't behind right now, Anglesault. You are beneath. Beneath my boot that's getting ready to squash your wheels upon wheels, useless, garbage heap of an administration into space dust! “BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS!” MONEYMAKER Beat my ass? Try it, Anglesault. Try it! Go on, its been far too long since I've had a good fight on this miserable hell hole. A perfect finale before your blubbering incompetence finally sinks this ship deep into ocean. “BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS!” MONEYMAKER Oh he won't! He won't bother, because he can't and because its so very pointless. Even a tone death embarrassing bastard like him has to hear the winds of change rumbling in the not too far off distance, readying to sweep him off the OAOAST landscape. The question now is will you go peacefully, or will you be removed with painful humiliation? “BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS!” ANGLESAULT You don't intimidate me, Moneymaker. Never have. Never will. MONEYMAKER Anglesault, if you don't fear my threats, then you don't know me very well. My exploits and connections are the reason Jade Rodez has gone from talented valet to horrible knockoff of her much more famous mother. When I brandish a dagger, I follow through until I cut bone. It is only a matter of time before I have the blade plunged between your shoulder blade and I watch in soul wrenching thanksgiving as you sink to the ground a defeated and broken man. Questioning my ability to destroy you is a folly I don't think you can afford to make right now. So before you open your mouth and you say something that will damn your career to a well deserved grave let me offer this piece of preemptive advice “shut the hell up!” “BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS!” MONEYMAKER Now make the decision, man. The winds of change are swirling all about. Will you go peacefully or will you be brought to ruin? Will I let you live or will I get the pleasure of watching you die? “BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT HIS ASS!” (red=louder then orange!) Anglesault stands stoic, betraying no hint of emotion. This infuriates Moneymaker who's face reddens with anger. MONEYMAKER Answer me, fool! Answer me now! Answer me now or on this very TV show I will bring your faithless stewardship of this company to an end with one stunning revelation! Now! SLAP! ABDULLAH By Allah! What have you done?! Moneymaker stumbles backwards, the amazing force of Anglesault's smack nearly propelling him over. The only thing that seems to keep him up, is Abdullah, quickly taking hold of his arm and keeping him aloft. Steadied by Abdullah, Moneymaker holds his hand to his throbbing cheek and hammers AS with a venomous look. But AS does not back down and instead waves Moneymaker on with a heated aggression not seen since his wrestling days. “ANGLE-SAULT! ANGLE-SAULT! ANGLE-SAULT!” Moneymaker can't believe the audacity that's taken hold of AS. He wants nothing more then to beat the life out of the OAOAST GM. Frothing at the mouth, he spews threat after threat to AS who returns the violent language in full. Yet security guards and road agents including Moneymaker's cousin, Tony Brannigan flood the ring to prevent a brawl the fans are dying to witness. “BOOOOOOO!” Although AS is a difficult wildebeest to tame, Moneymaker presents the road agents no problem in settling down. Escorted by Abdullah and his bevy of beauties, he leaves the ring with neither comment nor glance towards Anglesault. This does sit overly well with the former OAOAST world champion who begins in chucking pillows at the retreating Moneymaker in hope of goading him back into the ring. Having discarded all the pillows from the ring, Sault resorts to attempted destruction of the bejeweled HOW set , yanking on pillars in a crazed effort to pull the entire set crashing down. Thankfully the raw might of Tony Brannigan and Caboose are able to restrain him before he goes completely overboard and annihilates this holy shrine. COACH Sault has lost his mind! And that's the man setting the example for the rest of the company? We're going straight to hell! So if you meet me Have some courtesy Have some sympathy, and some taste Use all your well-learned politesse Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, um yeah But what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down FADE OUT