Patty O'Green

QUIZ! Is this for: A.hd B.school's out

They may be faces but I suggest the doctors of love, baby. Why? Because I don't think that's a match that's ever been done. ever! well, los conquestiadors are always available for their monthly three paragraph beating i know that!

much love to the two dudes who did work. good work at that.

"Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco hits as we return to HeldDOWN~! in Birmingham. The red carpet is out and treading it is one, not both, of the Beverly Hills Blonds. Simon Singleton is not quite a singleton on the stage though, as trekking behind him on his way to the ring is Molly Nerdly, carrying with her the trusty Siclopse. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY! Weighing two hundred, twenty five pounds and hailing from Beverly Hills, California... representing The Enterprise... "BOX OFFICE"... SSIIIIIIMMOOOOOOOOOONN... SSSIIIIIIIINNGGLLLLEEEEETTOOOOOOOONN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Simon aids his unpaid intern in getting the Siclopse properly set up to his liking, before he slides into the ring. But it's not Simon the fans care about tonight though. As opposed to any night, I guess, but work with me. "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That reaction can only mean one thing! That one thing being the entrance of Jamie O'Hara, to a roaring reception that drowns out "Fix Up, Look Sharp" and rivals any reaction O'Hara has probably heard in his life. J-OH is taken aback for a moment before firing up and striding to the ring fist-pumping with his bretheren. BUFFER And his opponent... from BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Weighing in at one hundred, seventy six pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOO'HHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE What a great reaction for the returning hero, Jamie O'Hara, Birmingham's own! COACH And what a surprise that AngleSault's stuck one of The Enterprise against the hometown boy. O'Hara vaults into the ring and scales the turnbuckles to fire up the crowd some more, before somersaulting back into centre ring. *DINGDINGDING!* "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" As the partizan crowd are whipped up by O'Hara, we see Molly Nerdly pressing the 'mute' button on the Siclopse to a thumbs up from Singleton. COLE Ned Blanchard, we are just hearing, has been barred from ringside for this match. He will not be a factor in this match. COACH Gee, I wonder who made that decision? COLE Well, AngleSault, obviously. O'Hara and Simon circle before lunging into a collar and elbow tie-up. Quick side headlock from Singleton earns a chorus of boosand sets the tone for the match for sure. O'Hara escapes with some shots to the ribs and sends Simon off, only to get knocked down with a shoulder tackle. "Rolling cameras", Simon hits the ropes again but O'Hara kips-up and takes him over with an armdrag! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Referee Mike Chioda backs Jamie up as Simon ducks through the ropes. COLE Singleton going to have to try and slow this match down, which is going to be easier said than done. It's hard enough to catch O'Hara on a bad day, but with the adrenaline of his hometown crowd cheering him he may be uncatchable! After getting his head in the game, Singleton weaves back inside and encourages his opponent to 'settle down'. Not an option, as another chant goes up for O'Hara. The two circle and lock-up again. This time Singleton comes out of it with the arm, wringing it into a hammerlock. O'Hara looks high and then low for an escape but Singleton keeps him in the hold. O'Hara drops and rolls to escape, coming out with a wristlock of his own. But a quick knee to the gut doubles him over. Clubbing forearm to the back. And a second. Simon then sends O'Hara off with an irish whip and ducks his head for a backdrop. Telegraphing it, O'Hara turns and goes back to back, getting flipped up and over onto his feet. As Singleton turns around, O'Hara then surprises him with a big hurricanrana takeover! A quick dropkick then sends Simon rolling to the floor. O'Hara gets the Birmingham crowd behind him again and as Simon pulls himself up on the outside, the SuperJay is on the move, hitting the ropes... but Singleton gets the HECK out of dodge and forces O'Hara to think twice about his dive! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Smart thinking from Si'. COLE O'Hara needs no second invitation to take to the air and Simon's going to have to watch the skies tonight. Molly leaves her post at the Siclopse to offer Simon her support. The unpaid intern proves as much of a nuisance to Simon as everybody else at the moment though and he shrugs her off. Simon climbs back to the apron, but soon goes back down to the floor as O'Hara baseball slides the legs out... *THUD!* ...leaving Simon to crash face-first into the ring apron! COLE Look out again! The crowd rise as O'Hara sticks his foot on the gas again. Stuck in the line of fire, Molly Nerdly looks up in shock as O'Hara takes flight... ...and Molly pulls the Siclopse to safety, but not Simon, who's left to move on his own power. O'Hara catches himself on the way over the top and lands safely on the apron, dropping a simple double axehandle on Simon as he takes his eye off the action. Turning Simon around, Jamie scoops him up and slams him on the outside. J-OH lets out a cheer, reciprocated by the crowd, climbing to the ring apron... AND HITTING A SHOOTING STAR PRESS OFF THE APRON!!! COLE OH MY!! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" After some celebrations with his fans, O'Hara dumps Singleton back inside and follows with a cover... 1... 2... No! COLE High-risk, that's what Jamie O'Hara is all about. COACH And it's pretty spectacular, when it works. But when it doesn't you're in trouble. O'Hara rocks Simon against the ropes with a series of forearms before looking for the whip. A reversal by Simon sends O'Hara off instead, but he reacts and connects with a flying forearm. Leg hooked... 1... 2... No! Hooking The Video Voyeur up, Jamie sends another shout-out and looks for a suplex. Simon blocks the attempt twice though, then reverses and snap suplexes O'Hara over. COACH There we go Simon. Show them how they make 'em in the US! COLE Simon Singleton the patriot? Never thought I'd see the day. With the opening for the first time, Simon pins O'Hara's head to the canvas and drops a knee to the cheekbone. O'Hara rolls away into a corner, followed closely by Simon. An elbow to the cheekbone stuns O'Hara. Another. And a third. Singleton then pulls O'Hara out, into a quick saito suplex. Cover... 1... 2... No. Rear chinlock applied by BOSS. It doesn't stay applied for long though, as O'Hara bridges up and connects with a Jawbreaker! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Hitting the ropes, O'Hara goes for a spinning front kick but misses the mark. Simon avoids the kick and lays in wait for J-OH, catching him turning around with a Single Feature Flapjack! Quick cover again by Simon... 1... 2... Kickout. Still nursing his jaw, O'Hara is pulled to his feet. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A knifedge chop rocks Jamie back on his heels and Simon turns to the outside, informing Molly that we're "going for a re-take". Unfortunately though, the single feature does not become a double. Simon is caught with his head down, kicked in the shoulder blade. O'Hara then turns for the ropes again... and is pulled down by the back of his vest top. COLE Not quick enough on that occassion. Simon stands over O'Hara and "rolls cameras", distracting him as O'Hara suddenly kips-up. Backflipping, O'Hara hooks his feet around Simon's head and tucks forward, pulling him over with a headscissors! COLE Spoke too soon! COACH That can go on the cutting-room floor. Totally irrelevant to the plot. Staggering to his feet, Singleton is clearly unsure of where he is as he reaches out looking for a tag from the non-existant Ned Blanchard. Instead he gets tagged by the boot of O'Hara, as he connects with a standing spinning heel kick! Simon wobbles but stays on his feet, until J-OH hops up onto his shoulders and pulls him over with a Victory Roll... 1... 2... Kickout! O'Hara rolls back, right by the ropes. He pulls himself through to the apron and with a cry of "LEMME HEAR YA BIRMINGHAM", he leaps to the top with a Springbo... NO! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cutting O'Hara off, Simon manages to lunge himself at the top rope at the precise moment O'Hara's feet rested on them. O'Hara ends up falling stomach first across the top rope and there he stays. With the wind knocked out of him, O'Hara is then powerless to react as Singleton hooks the head and lifts Jamie off the ropes, pulling a page out of his tag team partner's playbook with a Slingshot Suplex!! COACH An ode to Ned! Simon turns over and hooks up both legs to stack Jamie up... 1... 2... NO! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE O'Hara staying in this one! COACH For now. Just a suspicion of doubt for the audience before the hero ultimately triumphs in the end, classic filmmaking. COLE So, in your mind, Simon Singleton is the hero!? Good lord. Molly gets on the referee's case while Simon gives the signal for the end. He drags O'Hara to his feet, scooping and slamming him in the centre of the ring. Simon then exits the ring and heads up top to the sounds of thousands of Birmingham locals encouraging O'Hara to get out of the way. "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Reaching the top, Singleton waits until he's perfectly in shot and gets the thumbs up from Molly before he takes off to bring down the Clapboard... ...NOBODY HOME!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Misses the legdrop! Jarred from the impact of the landing, Simon hobbles forward into a sweep of the legs from O'Hara. Leaping over the body, O'Hara hits a quick Standing Moonsault. 1... 2... No! Jamie jumps right back to his feet, following up with a Standing 450 Splash and hooking the leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Momentum is building here, O'Hara needs one good connection on an aerial move. Exiting to the apron again, O'Hara waves Simon back to his feet. The Video Voyeur walks right into his path this time, the hometown boy springboarding to the top and wiping Singleton out with a Springboard Somersault Seated Senton! He's unable to stay on for the cover though, so heads across the ring and waits on Singleton to get back up again. COLE O'Hara is setting Singleton up for something. COACH Great work Sherlock. Simon pulls himself back up and is warned by Molly of what awaits him. Whether he hears her or not isn't clear, as he stumbles towards O'Hara, charging in and throwing a Busaiku knee... NO! Sidestepping, Simon catches O'Hara in a waistlock and throws him overhead with a German... ...but O'Hara LANDS ON HIS FEET! COLE What agility! After a quick realisation all is not well, Simon turns around and gets wiped out with the Busaiku Knee Kick! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Singleton flops to the canvas and O'Hara quickly exits to the ring apron. The Birmingham fans erupt as O'Hara heads to the top, despite the attempts from Molly Nerdly to wave him off. The Birmingham Bad Boy makes it to the top and sets himself, Simon in perfect position, as O'Hara comes tumbling down... *WHAM!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE BLAZE OUT 630!! 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMIIIIIIEEEEE OOO'HHHHHAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Rolling right out of the ring, O'Hara hops the barricade to celebrate the win with his people, footage which Molly clearly doesn't feel is important as she turns the Siclopse away. COLE Jamie O'Hara returns home with a big win. And this crowd couldn't be happier! COACH Oh and I'm sure AngleSault is delighted too. You can't tell me this wasn't set up to spite The Enterprise. You can't tell me this doesn't prove everything Mister Moneymaker has said has been right. COLE All I can tell you is the hometown boy done good here in Birmingham! COACH Ugh! O'Hara continues to celebrate in the crowd as we fade away. sing this while clappin: KC UP IN THE SKY OVER ME WATCHING. HE'LL HAVE MY BACK HE'D HELP DO MY ALBUM. HE'D HELP ME TEACH THE WORLD TO DEFINE AN EPIC, AND IF I DID IT IT'D BE LIKE SERGEANT PEPPER BANGING UR GIRL, IT'D BE LIKE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON. AND KC WAS IN THE AMBULANCE AFTER I HAD TOo MUCH ACID HE WOULD BE RITE NEXT 2 ME. NOT ASS KISSIN, HE WOULD BE LIVIN HIS LIFE WIT HIS WIFE. YEAH KC MORE THEN A BIG BROTHER, U WERE LIKE THE DAD THE DAD I NEVER HAD AND EVEN THO I DIDNT HAVE A MOTHER U WERE THERE TO HELP HOLD MY HAND.

Ay yo, first off b i have some words second...now word 2 blood, im a thoro West LA niigga. im a hollywood trendsetta on a US, People type steelz. the style, swag, clothes ,attitude goes gawdy...365..nah mean?? being from LA u gottta have swag b....i mean imagine a nigga like me in that lexus half past quatro looking all flavafull with them gucci frames covering my brown eyes....thats swag rite there. not alotta niggas can pull that off...ya know?? third....do bitches get jealous when they see a niggaa dressin betta than they are. just a minute back i was out chillen at Goa all gucci dappa danned upped....u would have swore i was santa clause wit all that red b...and this sunset tan lookin chick gonna say u hot as hell but why u going so hard???? im like mush mouth ass trick fuck from round me n be happy u even around me...smell me?? its like bitch don't hate because my kitchen is smoother than urs, don't hate because my smell is something similar to a botanical rose garden on heaven's doorstep, don't hate because my skin just happens to be this pretty. I'm just a gorgeous type nigga, dig?Even still i drop much respect on a pure balla...King Cucaracha.....dude is straight from the money make...you wont find another shorty with the swag like mine, but he comes close, he aint run of the mill he run da mill. his hustle is platinum status and we pay respeccs. YEAH KC MORE THEN A BIG BROTHER, U WERE LIKE THE DAD THE DAD I NEVER HAD AND EVEN THO I DIDNT HAVE A MOTHER YOU WERE THERE TO HELP HOLD MY HAND. THIS WAS THE 1ST IMAGE THAT CAME UP WHEN I SEARCHED FOR KING CUCHRACHA. FROM A TSM THREAD, KC PICKS HIS HOTTEST FEMALE WRESTLER: SMH! THAT AIN'T A DIME THAT'S A PENNY WITH A HOLE IN IT! BUT WE STILL GOT LOVE 4 OUR ENGLISH BROTHER,B. no need for any introductions from the announcers, or any writing from me because i don't even know what country we're in anymore. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, here comes the... well, the co-number one contender, I suppose. The Birmingham fans give Landon Maddix a typically rude reception as he walks through the entrance way, but it's clear that he couldn't care less tonight. With a beaming smile on his face Landon soaks up the adulation inside his head for a moment or two, before striding to the ring boasting of his newly won place in the School's Out main-event. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" With Megan catching up to her man and holding the ropes open for him, Landon lets the boos of the crowd breeze right past him. He spins into the ring and strikes a triumphant pose, indicating that he's 'number one'. Number one, co-number one, same thing I guess. COLE Landon set for another of his open challenges which, so far, haven't troubled the membership numbers of Cucaracha Internacional. Hardly the kind of prepation you'd expect from a number one contender. COACH Hey, you're looking at the busiest man in pro-wrestling! Give him a break. COLE The what? COACH Busiest man in wrestling. Landon's got his commitments for the OAOAST, he's in charge of moulding Cucaracha Internacional into the stars of tommorrow, he's the Commissioner of the SWF. The guy spends more time in airports than your average airline pilot! Hell, last week he was in Nova Scotia on Tuesday for an SWF show, then jumped right on a plane and flew to Italy for The Milan Spectacular on Friday... and he STILL beat Todd Cortez! COLE By disqualification. Back in the ring and Landon, to the disdain of the crowd, has got the STICK~ MADDIX School's Out is just two and a half weeks away... "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COACH What the hell does that have to do with School's Out!? MADDIX If you people don't quit that right now, I'll make sure we never bring the SWF over here! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Okay, done. Now, back to School's Out, which as I said before is just two and a half weeks away. Incase any of you missed it here in the backwaters of the United Kingdom, there has been a change to your originally scheduled programming. See, as of last week, I'm back where I belong! Back in the main event. Todd Cortez may well be the 'official' number one contender. But since he failed to defeat me last week, he's still a member of Cucaracha Internacional. His Riot Act Plus is still banned in the OAOAST. And he's going to be sharing his number one contendership with the man who made it all possible... me! COLE Which is all a travesty if you ask me. COACH I'm not sure I did. MADDIX Now I could spend the next five... maybe ten minutes talking about what a great job I did last week, how I beat Todd Cortez one on one yet again, just like I did at AngleMania, just like I did in Hawaii last year, et cetera, et cetera. I could claim that the victory was all down to me. But I would be remiss if I didn't thank somebody else. That somebody else being our very own World Heavyweight Champion, Tha Puerto Rican. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon scowls a little. MADDIX PR, when I first saw you sitting at ringside yapping away into your mic as you tend to do, I'm not afraid to admit I was a little worried. Maybe I should have given you more credit. Another startling revelation for you all... Tha Puerto Rican is not as dumb as he looks, ladies and gentlemen. Underneath the catchphrases and the... more catchphrases, there is productive thought going on inside of that head. See, I was worried for no reason. PRL thought it through, he thought all the connotations and all the different scenarios through. And PRL, you made the right choice. I'm sure, deep down underneath this new nice-guy persona of yours, you know you made the right choice. Although, you'd never admit it. COLE Wait, is Landon saying that PRL deliberately got Cortez disqualified at the Milan Spectacular!? COACH Makes sense to me. MADDIX PR, the good news is, you won't have to worry about Todd Cortez and the Riot Act Plus at School's Out now. Of course, the bad news is, now you have to worry about me instead. Need I remind you that one of the reasons it took you so damn long to finally become World Champion is me? Need I remind you of AngleSlam? Or of Zero Hour? "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" MADDIX I've spent far too long caught up in something that should have been settled a long time ago. I tried to take the soft approach with Todd Cortez. A mistake. Look where it's gotten me. Nowhere. So now, I'm taking control of the situation. Come what may. Cortez, if this past week has proven anything, it's that you will follow my lead or suffer the consequences. No more false trust, no more second chances. You follow MY lead. And PR, get all the mileage out of your time as World Champion that you can. It's been a long road to the top. But now that I'm back in title contention, I can promise you it won't be a long stay there for you. Landon smiles, Megan applauding her man. MADDIX Now, with that out of the way, back to tonight. Over the past few weeks I've been offering up the chance to a lucky local wrestler to make themself a star at my expense. The chance of a lifetime. One, to meet Landon Maddix. Two, to wrestle Landon Maddix. Three, to compete on worldwide television. And four, the chance to join Cucaracha Internacional should they beat me. But so far, lo and behold, nobody's beaten me. Nobody's even come close! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Looking confused, Landon turns to Megan who whispers something in his ear. MADDIX Ah. Okay. Well, we'll get to that in a second. Up until now, I've limited the competition to one country. And no country yet has been able to produce someone good enough to beat La Cucaracha, surprise surprise. So, now we come to England and I'm left with a dillemma. Cucaracha Internacional... we already have an Englishman in our ranks. The best English wrestler in the world, Nathaniel Black! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX So, tonight, rather than give someone false hope, I've decided to send a wave of that hope around Europe! Yes. Tonight, the Landon Maddix open challenge has been opened up to ALL of Europe. All of Europe, except Spain, of course. And England. So unfortunately, no Jamie O'Hara. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX No, instead, we reach out to the furthest reaches of Europe. The outer limits, where the OAOAST would never dare venture, or never bother to give any consideration to. Anyone, anywhere. The call was put out and tonight, I will take on not just a city's best, not just a country's best... but Europe's best! So with that in mind, let's bring out my challenger. Come on out, whoever you are, from whereever you are... Landon extends his arms openly to the entrance way... ...until "Know Your Role 2000" hits!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH What the hell? PRL isn't from Euro... The cheering from the Birmingham crowd quickly dies down a little, the moment that a masked man walks through the entrance way. Landon, who had looked pretty confused up until now, smiles a little. Stopping at the top of the stage, the man in a blue, white and red mask stops and "smells the electricity". The masked man's tights carry the flag of the Czech Republic, as does the back of his shoddy mask. COLE Oh my... it's... it's Tha Czech Republican!! COACH *slaps forehead* As 'Tha Czech Republican' walks to the ring in a very PRL manner, Landon watches on in amusement. Shaking his head he applauds mockingly as TCR stops and takes another smell of the mild electrical current in the air. COACH Look, Landon knows! He knows that's PRL under that mask and anyone with half a brain knows the same! COLE I don't know... is PRL that tall? COACH He's probably wearing extra insoles. It'd be about the most effort he'd have gone to to disguise himself as well. This is... just embarrassing! Up the steps climbs 'Tha Czech Republican', stepping into the ring and scaling the turnbuckles on one side with an arm raised. He doesn't go for any of the other turnbuckles however, as Landon Maddix stands in his way. 'Tha Czech Republican' sets himself ready for Landon to attack. But the co-number one contender holds up a hand to tell the masked man to calm down. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" 'Tha Czech Republican' turns his head to the crowd. MADDIX You have got to be kidding me. You're not even trying! Landon looks at the gear that his 'rookie' opponent is wearing, trying not to laugh. MADDIX Lemme guess. Tha Czech Republican, right? Reaching into his tights, Tha Czech Republican pulls out a fake eyebrow and sticks it to the spot of velcro on his mask over his right eye. COLE HAHAHAHAHAHA! COACH *slaps forehead* MADDIX I... oh, wha... okay! Okay PR, go ahead and humour me! We can all guess your name and I'm going to assume you're from whatever the capital of the Czech Republic is. Formalities, done. Now, if I know anything about Tha Czech Republican, I'm SURE you've got some snappy catchphrases that you wanna unload on me. So go ahead. I'm just DYING to hear this authentic Czech accent of yours, I really am. Say 'jabroni'. Go on. No, no, better yet, how about telling me you're going to, oh, I don't know, "lay the Czech down on my candy ass". Come on, don't be shy. No response from Tha Czech Republican and no move for the microphone. MADDIX Come on PR, it's not like you to be at a loss for words. Still no response. MADDIX Well, maybe you do things a little differently in The Czech Republic, I apologise. Here I am hogging the microphone. I really should be giving it to you, shouldn't I? Well, here goes... Having strolled across the ring while talking, Maddix suddenly charges with the microphone brandished and goes for the head of Tha Czech Republican. But the masked man ducks, catching Maddix as he turns around with a boot to the gut... ...pulling him into a standing headscissors... "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Wait... WAIT, NO! ...AND SPIKING HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH A FRONTFLIP PILEDRIVER TO A BOOMING REACTION IN THE ARENA!!!! COLE ...CZECH REPUBLICAN DESTROYER!!! COACH NO! That's... THAT'S TODD CORTEZ!! COLE A minute ago you said it was PRL! Make up your mind! Maddix lays stricken on the canvas, with Megan wide-eyed in horror at what has just happened. Calling over the referee, Tha Czech Republican flips Landon over on his back and hooks a leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Megan holds her head in her hands as "Know Your Role 2000" hits again, Tha Czech Republican standing over Landon who is completely out of it! BUFFER Here is your winner of the match... THA CZECH REPUBLICAN!!!! COACH THAT'S TODD CORTEZ! IT'S TODD CORTEZ!! GAAAHH!! Standing over Landon, Tha Czech Republican has dropped the PRL tribute act and stands stoicly over La Cucaracha. With no signs of movement from the co-number one contender, the masked man takes one last long look at Landon before he leaves. COLE You know what this means Coach? This means that Tha Czech Republican is the newest member of Cucaracha Internacional! COACH He's already a member because HE'S TODD CORTEZ!!!!! Megan slides into the ring and tries to revive Landon, who is still yet to move. COLE What was that you were saying about 'half a brain' earlier Coach? COACH Shut up. COMMERCIAL OAOAST SCHOOL'S OUT GAS PRICES ARE RISING. FOOD PRICES ARE RISING. THE VALUE OF THE DOLLAR IS DROPPING. THE END IS NEAR AND YOU HAVE NO HEALTH INSURANCE. WHAT WISER ECONOMIC CHOICE THAN TO SPEND FIFTY DOLLARS ON HOMO TUMBLING? WHY SEND YOUR KIDS TO COLLEGE ANYWAY? THEY'LL JUST WIND UP VOTING DEMOCRAT AND BUYING A HYBRID.

KC bein over in tea&crumpet kingdom and not here in the land of the thief and the home of the snake is a lot like Ewing on the Magic or Ted Danson not behind a bar flirting with one of shelly long or kristie alley. It feels like fam got knocked on a violation. Free that nigga, god. Brand new at OAOAST.com THE BEST OF HELDDOWN 2007~! on 4-disc DVD! Yes, 4! Featuring: ~~DISC 1~~ ~The Road To AngleMania~ COD return promo, 1/4 Heat vs. PRL, 1/4 "It" promo, 1/11 Bill Neilson vs. "It", 1/11 (EASTER EGG) Alix's 'birthday party', 1/18 HI-YAH Tag Titles, 2/3 Falls, PRL and Popick vs. Heat and Fly, 1/18 Peter Knight 'touches down', 1/25 Landon Maddix's Lethal Rumble preperations, 1/25 The Heavenly Rockers vs. MGHWC, Anderson Cup 1st Round, 1/25 Enterprise promo, 1/25 (EASTER EGG) Zack/AS/Candie segment, 1/25 Riggs, Black T and Sooners vs. DDD, LSGS and COD, 1/25 Zack addresses Drek, 2/1 D*LUX vs. BHB, Anderson Cup Conf. Semi Final, 2/1 COD vs. SCM, The Shortest Reign In History, 2/1 Melody recruits the LSGS, 2/8 Krista gives Melody sage advice, 2/1 (EASTER EGG) BHB vs. Los Diablos, Anderson Cup Conf. Final, 2/15 Maddix vs. Caboose, Street Fight, 2/15 Reject, Waldo, Quincy and MGHWC vs. D*LUX, LSGS and O'Hara, 2/22 Drek arrives via private jet/walks the hallways/calls Hoff/parking lot promo, 3/1 Vitamin X confronts Caboose, 3/1 Moneymaker/Alix do dinner, 3/1 D*LUX vs. Martial Law, HI-YAH Tag Titles, 3/1 Moneymaker makes Maddix a deal, 3/8 COD vs. Martial Law, Tag Titles, 3/8 Drek's got a gun!, 3/8 Ned and Jade do a deal, 3/15 Jade stands up to Krista, 3/22 (EASTER EGG) Chicks On Art, 3/15 Leon looks forward to AM, 3/22 Drawing of the last MITB Battle Royal entrant, 3/29 Drek/Zack confrontation, 3/29 ~~DISC 2~~ ~Zack's Reign to Landon's Gain~ Drek/Zack AM fallout and School's Out build, 4/7 Alfdogg: WDW Champion, 4/7 Brannigan vs. Zack, 5th Anniversary showcase, 4/7 Leon/Jade confrontation, The slap heard around the world, 4/12 D*LUX vs. MGHWC, HI-YAH Tag Titles, 4/12 PRL and Wall vs. Bo and DDD, 4/12 World Tag Team Title Battle Royal, 4/19 BHB/MGHWC/Holly/LSGS promo, 4/19 (EASTER EGG) Brock and America's Team vs. The Enterprise, 6-Man Titles, 4/26 Caboose, Zack, Bo and O'Hara vs. Wall, PRL, VX and Bone Thug, 4/26 TK vs. Strutter, Heartland Title, 5/3 PRL vs. DDD, X-Division Title, 5/10 Bo/PRL confrontation, 5/10 (EASTER EGG) Biff Atlas's Inconvenient Truth, 5/17 Bohemoth forces PRL to repent his sins, 5/17 Leon vs. CW, Sooner City Street Fight, 5/17 Zack addresses Drek, 5/24 LSGS/MGHWC confrontation, 5/24 BHB vs. Usual Suspects, 5/24 Zack's 1st meeting with Mr. Money In The Bank, 5/31 LSGS vs. MGHWC, HI-YAH Tag Titles + THR post-match fallout, 5/31 LSGS promo on THR, 6/7 (EASTER EGG) Zack vs. Boricua, World Title, 6/7 PRL fires up Mr. Boricua, 6/7 (EASTER EGG) Zack/Landon/SCM segment, 6/14 COD vs. Los Infernales, Tag Titles, 6/14 OAOAST.com exclusive BHB 'tend' to Jade last week, 6/21 Leon/Alix reunion, 6/21 Moneymaker pays off Los Conquistadors, 6/28 Maya meets her heroes (D*LUX), 6/28 Landon Maddix cashes in MITB and wins the World Title!, 6/28 ~~DISC 3~~ ~Another Red Hot Summer~ COD visit the (Love) Doctors, 7/5 THR clash with Holly, 7/5 PRL crashes Landon's celebration ceremony, 7/5 Landon tries to cut a deal with SCM, 7/12 (EASTER EGG) Wall vs. Heat, 24/7 Title, + Riggs ruining the party, 7/12 AngleSlam contract signing, 7/12 THR vs. LSGS, Last Man Standing, 7/19 Moneymaker prepares Jade for B&P, 7/19 The BHB discover Molly Nerdly, 7/26 Cortez explains leaving Landon's side, 8/4 Tag Title Scramble Cage Match, 8/4 Enterprise promo, 8/9 BHB and CPA vs. 'Los Ninos Anorexicos', 6-Man Titles, 8/9 Alix/Leon segment, 8/9 (EASTER EGG) Krista vists her lawyer, 8/9 CW and Moneymaker vs. COD, Tag Titles, 8/16 Maddix vs. Cortez, World Title, 8/16 PRL and Landon put their women to the test, 8/23 Lindsay vs. Megan, Women's Title, 8/23 THR and Abdullah in 'heaven', 8/31 School Haze, 8/31 Zero Hour's main event made, 9/6 Maddix and PRL vs. Zack, 9/13 Landon and PR try to get along, 9/13 (EASTER EGG) Alf vs. Brock vs. TK vs. Stevens, 9/20 Riggs vs. Heat, Title vs. Title, 9/20 Maddix and Zack vs. PRL, 9/20 Landon and Zack try to get along, 9/20 (EASTER EGG) Leon and Maggie return from Booyah City!, 9/27 AS announces the 24/7/X Title merger, 9/27 ~~DISC 4~~ ~Winter Of Our Discontent~ Landon interrupts Zack, 10/5 THR and Holly explain their actions, 10/5 BHB vs. Love Docs, 10/5 Popick lays down the law to PRL, 10/11 Alf, Strutter, Reject and Team Heyross vs. Sandman, TK, Brock, Jumbo and Denzel, 10/11 Leon vs. Biff, 10/18 When Saulty met Molly, 10/18 Reject vs. Cortez, International Title, 10/18 Maddix/AS discuss Halloween show + Cortez, 10/18 (EASTER EGG) Krista: The Blonde Tornado (+Terry Taylor), 10/25 Zack vs. Popick, 10/25 Denzel vs. Reject, The Title Change The Wasn't, 11/8 Popick/PRL/Landon segment, 11/8 Landon vs. PRL + Bo's return, 11/8 Love Shack goes 'Springer' with COD and Mackie, 11/8 Sandman9000 vs. Reject, Heartland Title, 11/15 Reel Talk's HD debut, 11/15 Alix moves out, 11/15 Thanksgiving Tag Team Survivor Series Match, 11/22 Thanksgiving foodfight, 11/22 (EASTER EGG) Landon, PRL and Popick vs. Zack, Bo and Cortez, 11/22 The Lightning Crew betray PRL, 11/30 Team Alix vs. Team Krista, 11/30 Jade and D*LUX clean Krista's house, 11/30 (EASTER EGG) Bo and Zack start their friendly rivalry, 12/6 Boricua and Wall vs. Heat and Fly, The Corporate Turncoat, 12/6 Krista's mom drops in, 12/6 Reject vs. Denzel vs. Strutter vs. Sandman, International Title, 12/6 THR vs. Los Diablos, Tag Titles, 12/13 Landon in The Love Shack, 12/13 PRL vs. Cappa, 12/13 PRL/Cappa backstage, 12/13 (EASTER EGG) Krista vs. Lucius, 12/20 Strutter vs. Denzel, International Title, 12/20 Alix and CW vs. CAE, 12/28 An Unhappy Cucarannukah, 12/28 Reel Talk with Bo and Zack, 12/28 BHB vs. Zack and Bo, 12/28 COACH Many more shows like this and we're fucked for a Best Of 2008. COLE What? COACH What? COMMERCIAL

If you are what you say you are A superstar Then have no fear The camera's here and the microphones and they wanna know Oh oh oh yeah The Beverly Hills Blonds may not have seen a lot of action inside the ring during the OAOAST’s European Vacation, but they definitely saw plenty of it outside as document by home video footage aired with the opening credits. The Enterprise presents... In association with the OAOAST and TSM "BOOOOOOOOO *canned applause* OOOOOOOOOOO!" The Blonds enter the lounge as we’re reminded… "Reel Talk is filmed before a live studio audience." Executive Producer/Creator Simon Singleton Co-Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly NED BLANCHARD - CHASING CHAMBERLAIN 2,310 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 227 from seven weeks ago Drinks in hand, the Blonds remain standing rather than have a seat on their comfy leather sofas. SIMON Welcome back to the only talk show on television today that lets you think for yourself. I am Simon Singleton, joined as well by my handsome co-host… NED The one and only Ned Blanchard, thank you very much. SIMON Not only are we 2 weeks away from School’s Out, it’s also May sweeps. MAY SWEEPS! MAY SWEEPS!! MAY SWEEPS~!!! NED For those of you not in the biz, that’s when producers go the extra mile to put together shows that are bigger, better and badder. You know, a wild storyline, a crossover episode, or a special guest star. And boy do we have a special guest tonight. But Simon, did you know May sweeps isn’t the only big event going on back in the States? SIMON Indeed I did. The National Basketball Association is currently in the middle of their playoffs. And in recent years it’s become custom to refer to a team who’s been eliminated from postseason play as having “gone fishing.” Well ladies and gentlemen, the Beverly Hills Blonds went fishing this week and we reeled in a big one just in time for May sweeps. NED Bros and hoes, horny little boys and training bra wearing little girls, it’s our pleasure to introduce our guest this week, the CEO of the Enterprise…and the man who signs out check… THEODORE MONEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOO *canned applause* OOOOOOOOOOO!" Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith There’s no sympathy for this devil, as Theodore Moneymaker is greeted rudely by the thousands in attendance. SIMON Teddy, thanks for squeezing us in. We know you’re a busy man. MONEYMAKER No problems, fellas. After keeping a low profile the past few weeks I’m ready to share my story. I’ve turned down hundreds of requests for a sit-down interview from various media outlets around the world because I wanted to give you, the most fair and balanced program outside of Fox News, the exclusive. Now, as many of you know, a couple weeks back I came out here and gave Anglesault an ultimatum: award me the #1 contendership for the OAOAST Title or suffer the wrath of my Enterprise. A simple stroke of the pen was all it’d take. But no, the man who broke every damn rule in the book in his day, winning the championship on a FINGERPOKE, couldn’t bring himself to do it! NED Shaking my head at this fool. Absolutely sickening. MONEYMAKER Therefore I'm left no choice but to declare my intention of placing a hostile bid for control of the OAOAST. I feel as though once people realize the kind of person they’ve been working for the past few years, it won’t be too hard of a decision for the Board of Directors to make. Little do you know, Anglesault, the kind of carnage you have brought on to the OAOAST. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The Blonds give Teddy a standing ovation as his music hits. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith COLE What is that supposed to mean? COACH I don’t know, but Anglesault -- watch out! COMMERCIAL MEN..i need your thoughts! Im in the gym just doing leg extensions, and keeping to myself. and i notice this kinda military sergeant buzzcut dude on the leg press machine looking at me dumb hard, and when i look at him, he continue looking at me, without blinking, without changing expression what is the man trying to tell me????? and if i bow my head down, what im i trying to say to him..... any thoughts........

COLE We saw Jock Mulligan stoop to an even lower level last week at The Milan Spectacular, with his actions on The Love Shack. After interrupted Maggie Nerdly, Jock managed to raise the ire of the usually mild-mannered Leon Rodez and it all broke down there. Leon was left laying and Maggie was humilated, thanks in part to the arrival of... well, a woman we'd never seen before. Since no OAOAST reporter wanted the job of talking to 'Mr. Dick', we allowed Jock to record some comments for himself. But first of all, let's take you back to The Love Shack and show you what happened. Out of that footage we go to pre-recorded footage, with Jock Mulligan stood in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop at some unspecified location, but apparantly not in Birmingham, England. Standing beside Jock is the same woman who woman-handled Melody last week, stood emotionless with arms folded. JOCK Ah, Melody, Melody. Poor lil' Melody, huh? You know, I'm copping a lot of heat off of OAOAST management right now for what I did back in Milan. Everybody's got their panties in a twist about how ol' Jock Mulligan humilated her in front of the world. And, to be honest, I don't get it. I mean, anybody who talks to the Nerdly family knows, last week sure weren't the first time Melody's been called 'pizza face' in her life! She should be used to it by now! Mr. Dick laughs it up, looking over to the woman who barely cracks a smile. JOCK So, the OAOAST, they don't want Mr. Dick to penetrate the airwaves this week. But they do want an explanation. How's this for an explanation... I FELT LIKE IT! Mr. Dick points a finger into the camera lens. JOCK I ain't got no apologies, 'cause I'm Mr. Dick! Melody stepped into that ring determined to bawl her little eyes out, to make out like she's the most innocent girl in the world and how she was wronged by me. So, all I did was give her something to cry about. And it worked, huh? Leon Rodez? You stuck your nose in Mr. Dick's business and you got what you deserved as well. This is none of your business pal! This is between me, Melody and what's left of Baron Windels. You're every bit as bad as Melody though. Just like her, you make out like you give a damn about me in front of the people. The people are getting conned. Leon, read my lips. You ain't my friend and you never were. The only reason you ever hitched your cart to the Lone Star bandwagon was because of Melody, not because of me. And we all know why that is, don't we? Jock laughs to himself. JOCK Now, you want a piece of Mr. Dick at School's Out? Man, you ain't gonna get a piece. With Mr. Dick, you gotta go the whole nine... INCHES! Turning back to the intimidating woman at the side of shot, Jock laughs to himself again. JOCK Now, you want an explanation about who this is? The people that matter already know. See I came to the realisation long ago that Melody Nerdly wasn't the woman to take Jock Mulligan to greatness and goodness. She's just a stupid little girl. And I'm Mr. Dick. The only woman strong enough... powerful enough... DOMINATING enough to handle Mr. Dick is this woman right here. The ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns. This right here is MALAYSIA NERDLY! Did you really doubt she was a Nerdly? No. Okay, moving on. JOCK Forget about Melody, Maggie, Molly, all the others. You're looking at the alpha female, to go with the alpha male. Malaysia is nothing like the other Nerdlys because she's a REAL woman! She's the woman for Mr. Dick. She's everything that you ain't Melody. And she's sick and tired of being the outcast, just because she's not 5 foot nothing and struggling to hit 110 on the scales. Screw that. Mr. Dick wants a woman that's not gonna snap in half in between his legs! And Melody, don't think Malaysia doesn't remember the way you Nerdlys used to tease her. The mocking. The whispers behind her back. Monster. Freak. The first sign of emotion from Malaysia creeps out as she growls at that word, as if it's conjoured up a bad memory in her head. JOCK Well you turned her into that freak. And now you've gotta deal with her. I'm used to women calling Mr. Dick freak so I reckon we're gonna get along just fine. The rest of the OAOAST? Well, I ain't so sure! Jock smiles confidently, patting the glaring Malaysia on the shoulder as we go back live. COACH Pay up. COLE What? COACH I bet you $20 last weekend that she'd turn out to be a Nerdly. Rolling his eyes, Michael eventually reaches into his pocket and hands Coach his twenty dollars. COLE As always, the OAOAST would like to apologise for some... most of Jock Mulligan's comments. Just a permanent lack of class. But what about what we just heard, Malaysia Nerdly? The way she physically woman-handled her own sister last week in Milan, I'd be very worried if I were a female in the OAOAST and Melody Nerdly in particular. COACH I won't make the obvious joke about you actually being a female in the OAOAST for another $10... oh, wait, nevermind. COMMERCIAL AY YO time out b for the official Having To Take A Shit After You Shower UnAppreciation Post. hitting the deuce is always a dirty look. But dropping #2 after just taking a shower is just bad karma. damn, son, it actually feels like the shower was wasted. straight word, the worst is being awoken at 3 am when u sound asleep and that pressure hits u and u have to get up and sit your tired half asleep ass on the toilet...at the same time you're regrettin' you ate at that late night restaurant, and its the same one that went and got you fucked up last time. naw wait the worst is if that happens like 45-60 minutes b4 u HAVE to wake up.....u cant get back to sleep.

My new $$ makin scheme: Word up, instead of a mailbox on every corner ima have one of my young niggas wit a backpack and a gat. Give that nigga yo letter and three dollars or get clapped on the spot. Walk by that nigga, even if you aint got shit to mail, without givin him the three dollars and get ya ass outlined in chalk. Any nigga got problems is gon feel the heat on their skin like ben gay no homo. stamps and letters just got serious, b

beware of multiple sclerosis! but, yeah, a pleasant little show I think, and even if it was short and sweet it still had lots of angle development.

CREDITZ 149 PFL ALF KC O'GREEN I THINK THATS IT!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS RATED TV-MA PRESENTED IN HD A winding empty country road lies beneath a dreary, miserable central European day. For miles there's nothing in sight but rolling hills, asphalt, and the depressing grey that overwhelms the earth. Then a gigantic long distance bus peacefully rolls into sight from the bottom of the screen. I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping While my guitar gently weeps I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping Still my guitar gently weeps The view switches to the inside of the bus, which is filled to its seating capacity with numerous OAOAST Superstars. There's none of the comrade or fun and games you might expect on an OAOAST road trip. Instead the superstars' mood is as melancholy and somber as the The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps and the weather outside. I don't know why nobody told you How to unfold your love I don't know how someone controlled you They bought and sold you The superstars never place their eyes on one another. They're to entranced with what they see staring back at them out the window. For every person its a different image that burns into their mind. PRL sees the joys of his Anglemania world title victory, only to come crashing back down to earth with the sight of being beat down by the Deadly Alliance. These images are opaque, layered over the actual country side, and the gray landscape lends them a touch of helplessness I look at the world and I notice it's turning While my guitar gently weeps With every mistake we must surely be learning Still my guitar gently weeps Zack sees the image of Bohemoth refusing to shake his hand, and his brow furrows in disgust. But in the seat directly across from him, Bohemoeth sees images of Zack's three title wins and he fumes in billowing rage. I don't know how you were diverted You were perverted too I don't know how you were inverted No one alerted you With a tear stained face, Vinny Valentine watches images of the last disco in America being changed into a biker bar. The pain of having no place cater to his white leather pants fetish causes him to fall into the aisle a bawling wreck. Moneymaker sees the stern defiant face of Anglesault staring back at him, almost daring him to step through the window and come to blow. Trust me there were more images but this song is just short on the vocals! I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping While my guitar gently weeps Look at you all... Still my guitar gently weeps As the closing guitar riffs take over the for the vocals we see the bus continuing it solemn trek down the European countryside. When the song finally ends we see a more traditional introductory video... that's actually a pretty catchy song no pedo here b The camera pans slowly in an extreme wide shot across the arena. The venue is littered with thousands of screaming and hollering Italian fans, who have certainly come dressed for the occasion. Many have decked themselves out as imitations of their favorite OAOAST superstars, and far too many have decided to adorn the assless chaps of Mariachi from this month's OAOAST:OUT magazine centerfold. More modest fans have brought banners that stretch across entire rows. COLE (O.S.) The Milian.Miley Cyrus Spectacular isn't our last stop on the European Vacation/odd celebrity obssessions, but it may just be our biggest! Staying true to the spectacular name, towering pillars of green, red and white fireworks blaze down the entrance ramp and reach to the very heights of the arena. Behind this impressive display lies the even more impressive entrance stage, which is a stunning replica of the world famous Milan Cathedral. Bathed in caressing green and red lights it manages a pose that's all it once imposing and majestic. Its balcony is given a touch of OAOAST styling as the video screen stretches across it. COLE Michael Cole sitting alongside the Coach for our latest TSM Spectacular! Welcome one and all! COACH You know what I love about these things? They're overblown HeldDOWN's, but I'm still getting mo money mo money mo. Up in the club stickin stacks in thongs, while you back in the hotel in pink umbros and neon green flip flops and fanny back burning dick scented candles and doin the get low to the NBA on NBC song on Casio walkman COLE John Tesh is the Timbaland of decade old primetime sports themesongs. Folks, tonight promises to be another amazing episode in the OAOAST history books, so let's get right into it! We kick this Milan Spectacular off with women's action, more importantly Women's Title action! Our good friend and part-time colleague Maggie Nerdly makes her first televised title defence since she dethroned Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez in the month of March, taking on Mackenzie DeCenzo. And things really heated up last week in Glasgow, during a six-person tag team match... COLE ...and while we can only speculate what that meant from Moneymaker's point of view, it was a clear message from Mackenzie who has been even more bitter and even more vindictive ever since her public humiliation at AngleMania VII. She wants to make somebody pay and she wants the Women's Title in the process. COACH And you've gotta believe that's exactly what's gonna happen. We've seen the way Mackenzie's ran through Jade Rodez, Duncan, whatever... and last week she ran through Maggie just as easily. COLE With the help of her Enterprise cohorts, as we just saw. COACH They were coming in after MEL and MARV. Maggie just got in the way, that's all. Otherwise, Mackie would have dealt with her, no sweat. Just like she will tonight. COLE Well we'll see in a few moments, as we go up to Michael Buffer to get this historic evening underway. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is the opening contest of the OAOAST Milan Spectacular, live on TSM, scheduled for one fall... and it is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP!!! The Milan crowd cheer in anticipation for the show getting underway, but the cheers soon turn to jeers as the electric beats of "Sex and Money" by Paul Oakenfold and Pharell Williams begin to pump through the arena and out through the entrance sweeps the challenger. Head high and nose upturned, Mackenzie DeCenzo swaggers out with a determined look on her face as she stops and holds her hands on her hips. Catching all this on the trusty Siclopse is Molly Nerdly, assigned Enterprise back-up duty tonight it would seem. Molly gets ahead of Mackie and films her grandiose walk to the ring, hogging all the best camera shots and making life generally awkward for the lowly OAOAST cameramen. BUFFER Introducing first, she is the challenger. Being accompanied to the ring by her fellow Enterprise member, MOLLY NERDLY! Hailing from Los Angeles, California... she is the Chief Financial Officer of The Enterprise... ladies and gentlemen, MMAAACCKKEEEEENNNZZZIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE... DDEEEEEEEE - CCEEEEEEENNZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A typical air of arrogance surrounds Mackenzie as she climbs into the ring, giving the crowd a stern look. Mackie climbs the turnbuckles, caught in a dramatic upshot by Molly which will surely feature on any highlight videos of her victory. COACH Mackenzie looks confident, Michael. COLE She usually does. Usually because she's got some sort of scheme concocted. Speaking of which, Molly Nerdly at ringside. As Mackenzie talks 'strategy' with Molly, giving Michael's theory a little more weight, the opening to Paramore's "CrushCrushCrush" begins to play and the fans in Milan react with wild cheers. Green and gold lights flash at the sight of the entrance way, while pillars of smoke burst upwards around the energetic figure of Maggie Nerdly! Skipping out she makes her way down the aisle, showing off her red, green and white wristbands as she throws up two doses of RAWK~! You could accuse her of shamelessly playing to the crowd. And, you'd be right. BUFFER And her opponent! From Edmonton, Alberta Canada! She is the vivacious voice of the OAOAST and the host of the Afterparty, every Thursday on OAOAST.com... AND, she is the reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion... MMMAAAAAAAGGIIIIIIEEEEEEE... NNEEEEEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!! Maggie waves 'Hi' to the fans on one side as she slides into the ring... ...but only makes it halfway before Molly Nerdly grabs her ankle, allowing Mackenzie to get the jump on her! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE What did I tell you? *DINGDINGDING!* Mackenzie stomps away on Maggie, while Molly takes up her position in the corner and behind the Siclopse under a warning from the ref. Stomping away, Mackie leaves Maggie laying and strides away, preening her hair while pretending to listen to the referee as he issues the same warning to her. COLE Look at the arrogance out of Mackenzie DeCenzo. COACH Nevermind that, look at the positioning. Sure enough, with the referee tied up, Molly comes running over and chokes Mackenzie across the bottom rope as she tries to pull herself back up! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Molly Nerdly proving she's a great fit for The Enterprise. That's her own sister she's choking, with no sign of remorse! COACH That's what siblings do Cole. Especially Nerdly siblings, none of them get along really. The perils of being a twenty-second child. Molly gets back behind the camera before she can be caught, leaving Maggie gasping for breath. Strolling over, Mackenzie pulls her off the ropes and strikes her in the upper back with a forearm. And a second. Spinning Maggie around, the Money Honey then grabs the wrist and pulls her into a kneeling Short Arm Clothesline! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... No! Pressing her knee in Maggie's back, Mackenzie grabs two handfuls of the Women's Champion's hair and pulls back... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Mackenzie breaks the count, pulling strands of hair from her fingers before pulling back again! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" MACKENZIE WOULD YOU STOP COUNTING ME! Referee Brian Hebner looks surprised to be shrieked at and does as he's told. It takes him a couple of seconds to get his wits back about him and realise Mackenzie is still pulling away at the hair, at which point he quickly demands a break. COLE This is the thing with Mackenzie, she's got a real mean streak in her. COACH You don't make it in business to the level she has without being ruthless. Pulling Maggie to her feet, Mackenzie leads her into the corner and introduces her to the top turnbuckle. Mackenzie then sets Maggie up top, clubbing her in the back. Again. And a third time, before a tug on the top pulls Maggie down into the tree of woe! Maggie is already in pain even before Mackenzie has strolled leisurely across the ring, lining the Women's Champion up and relying on Molly to keep the ref busy before she runs in... and delivers a dropkick to the face of the hanging Maggie! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" As Maggie falls from her woeful position, Mackenzie takes a moment to taunt her before turning her over and covering... 1... 2... NO! Mackenzie shoots a glare at the referee and demands a quicker count next time. The Italian crowd try to will Maggie back into the action and she tries to respond. Everybody loves a trier. Except Mackenzie, apparently, as she kicks her in the back to stop her getting back up. COLE Don't count the Women's Champion out just yet folks. Maggie is a gamer. COACH I thought that was Melody? COLE That wasn't exactly what I meant. Hooking Maggie up, Mackenzie delivers a vertical suplex. Off the ropes, she then drops the big elbow and looks for the pin again... 1... 2... NO! Still unhappy with the standard of refereeing, Mackenzie chastises Hebner. In the meantime, Molly gets some good camera shots of her sister's suffering and gives the OAOAST camera a thumbs up. COACH Man, I can't wait to get my hands on the director's cut of this one when it's done. Sure to be a poignant portrayal of human suffering. COLE The suffering of Molly's own sister. COACH Yep. So? She's used her family as photographic subjects before. You should see Melvin and Marvin's audition rehearsals for the Edmonton amateur dramatic group's performance of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone if you want true human suffering. Mackenzie pulls Maggie back up in a front facelock and clubs her in the back. And again. Down to a knee falls Maggie, drawing a big smile from Ms. DeCenzo as she sets her up. The suplex doesn't work this time though, as Maggie gets her foot around Mackie's and blocks! Mackenzie goes for it again... but again it's blocked. And Maggie stuns Mackenzie with a suplex of her own! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Alright! Maggie Nerdly, fighting back, Mackenzie took way too much time arguing with the referee. Both ladies get back up and Mackenzie strikes first with a forearm. Maggie strikes right back with a forearm of her own. Shaking it off, Mackenzie lays in another forearm and dares Maggie to hit her back. Which she does, with two quick open palms and a spinning backfist! Stunned, Mackenzie is sent for the ride with an irish whip and knocked down on the rebound with a jumping clothesline. Another whip... and another clothesline knockdown. Firing up the Italians, Maggie looks for another whip, only for Mackenzie to reverse. But Maggie is prepared for that and wipes out the Money Honey with a Thesz Press and starts slamming the back of her head off the canvas repeatedly!! COLE Look at the fire and the passion of the Women's Champion! COACH That's no way to treat a lady! Maggie gets back up, waving Mackenzie back to her feet. The Enterprise's CFO is reeling and she walks into a boot, Maggie ducking in low and pulling off a backflip Northern Lights Suplex!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH AH! Neither is that! COLE She calls that the Swagger Jacker and I have know idea what that means except a possible three count... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE No, so close! Screaming at Mackenzie to get back up, Maggie measures her and comes off the ropes... ...but gets tripped by Molly from the floor!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maggie manages to keep her feet and tries to go after her sister, which proves a mistake. Mackenzie charges in and hits her with a knee in the back, then pulls her out of the ropes into a schoolgirl... 1... FEET ON THE ROPES... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Mackenzie can't believe it and gets right back on the referee's case. COLE What a travesty that would have been. Just as Maggie was building some momentum, again her sister sticks her nose in... I wonder how much of a payday she's been promised for a Mackenzie victory? Grabbing Maggie by the hair, Mackenzie delivers two hard knee to the ribs. Arrogantly she throws Maggie to the ground and strides around the Women's Champion waiting to deliver a big final blow. COACH Here we go. COLE Mackenzie, measuring the Women's Champion, not sure what she could be looking for here. COACH Brain cells? A modicum of class? Her boyfriend? All strangely missing from where I'm looking. As Maggie pulls herself up, off the ropes comes Mackenzie. The Money Honey catches Maggie on her way back up and brings her right leg scything down, looking for a Scissors Kick... but Maggie senses danger coming and pulls her head out of the way, then catches Mackenzie with a backslide... 1... 2... NO! Mackenzie comes back up in control of Maggie, thanks in part to two more handfuls of hair. The influential challenger pulls Maggie into a knee to the gut. She then hooks her up, looking to deliver the Cash Flow! COLE Uh-oh, Mackenzie looking for that dangerous Fisherman's DDT. If she hits this, we could have a new Champion... ...but she doesn't, as Maggie surprises her with an inside cradle... MOLLY 1... 2... NO, KICKOUT! Sensing trouble for her superior, Molly gets desperate and slides a CLAPBOARD into the ring, then shows why she's a director and not an actor by doing an awful job of pretending she 'accidentally dropped it' and trying to climb in to retrieve it. COLE Get her out of here already! COACH She's just trying to call for another take. COLE She's ON the take more like. COACH What the hell is THAT supposed to mean!? Brian Hebner makes sure Molly keeps out of the ring, just as he's expected to do by Mackenzie. With his back turned, she picks up the discarded clapboard and conceals it in her arms while a distracted Maggie walks over to try and get rid of her sister. COLE That's what it means... she's setting up Maggie here! COACH The Women's Champ is about to be on the end of a really nasty director's cut! Molly keeps the referee tied up, long enough for Mackenzie to catch Maggie's eye. The Women's Champion turns around... ...but she DUCKS... AND MACKENZIE ENDS UP BRINGING THE CLAPBOARD DOWN UPON MOLLY'S HEAD INSTEAD!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh yeah! There's some poetic justice! As Molly plummets to the floor, Mackenzie shows a distinct lack of concern for the unpaid intern and just curses her bad luck. She has even more to curse about when she turns around though, walking into a kick and finding HAPPINESS IS EDMONTON IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR!! COLE Got her! Maggie hooks the leg and RAWKs along with the count... 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE The Women's Champion survives and retains despite the best efforts of The Enterprise's females! "CrushCrushCrush" hits again as the Women's Champion is re-united with her title belt. BUFFER Your winner of the match and STILL the OAOAST Women's Champion... MMAAAAGGIIIIIIIEEEEEE... NNEEEEERRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Relieved to have dodged the bullet, as it were, Maggie rolls to the floor and celebrates the victory with the Milan fans who supported her. Slapping hands around ringside, Maggie stops at the side of the Siclopse, sending a personal "better luck next time" message to her sister, which will no doubt come as a surprise when she eventually wakes up and checks the tape. Maggie then points the Siclopse down at Molly laid out on the floor just to further annoy her, before she skips back off down the aisle to continue her celebrations. COLE Some would call Molly egotistical to star in her own production, but I think we can excuse her this time around. COACH Is no-one going to help Molly out? Mackenzie sits up holding her head and looks absolutely furious at her defeat. So furious, she immediately leaves the ring and storms off. COLE I guess not. More Milan Spectacular, coming up!

The FANTASTIC Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis is our vocal date on a high angled trip around the monument ladden skyline of Milan and through its historic and treasured streets. And trill talk, leona lewis fine azzz hell! ya'll see her on idol? girl can STR8 get da biddy! *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A lightning bolt hits the stage, sending a plume of smoke up into the air as "Know Your Role 2000" begins to play through the arena. The Milan crowd rise to their feet as Tha Puerto Rican emerges through the smoke, lowering his expensive sunglasses to take a look out through the people. His people. Flicking the sunglasses back up, PRL then swaggers to the ring with an air of cool despite the cheering all around him. The OAOAST World Championship sits over the shoulder of his custom made silk shirt, as PRL has clearly come not to fight but to talk. COACH Wai... wait a minute. He's not coming over here... is he? COLE Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you about that earlier. Sorry. Better get those apologies thought up quickly, hadn't we? COACH As Coach panics and prepares to grovel, Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring and scales the turnbuckles, raising the World Championship in one arm over his head and smelling the electricity in the arena. "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" "P - R - L!" COACH These people love PRL and who can blame them!? COLE He can't hear you yet. COACH Oh, sorry. PRL climbs a second set of turnbuckles and shows off his gold again, leaving the other two sides be. After all, he's got the night off, might as well take it easier on himself, hey? PRL instead leaves the ring and heads for the commentary table, where sure enough Coach is right up on his feet ready to greet him. COACH These people love PRL and who can bla-*ARGH!* PRL Get the hell out of here you turncoating bastard! Go on, get! HYAH! HYAH! Coach wisely scurries off to the back as fast as his legs can carry him. PRL Oh, I almost forgot... have a nice day, Coach! Now, Michael Cole, before you even think of opening your mouth, think carefully, because that could be you in one second flat! COLE ...great to have you out here, Champ! *DINGDING!* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, to determine the main-event of School's Out 2008! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Megalomaniac" by Incubus pierces the crowd's excited cheers and brings the Italians to their feet. They know all too well what this music means and are ready and prepared to boo the oncoming challenger out of the building. Eventually, out through the curtain bursts Maddix with Megan Skye at hand. Landon extends his arms to the side and soaks in the reaction from the crowd, negative or otherwise, before heading down the aisle with a flamboyant sweep of his trenchcoat. BUFFER Introducing first. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE! He is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional. From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred, eight pounds... the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... LLLAAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Here comes the would-be number one contender. Over the past three weeks, Todd Cortez has gone through Spanish Fly, Leon Rodez and Nathaniel Black to become the number one contender. Landon has spent the European tour facing local unknowns, one of which he didn't even fight and instead fed to Faqu! And yet, here tonight, Landon could find his way into the School's Out main-event. Landon climbs the steps and after a scanning of the crowd he enters and spins himself into the centre of the ring. Coming to a stop, his attention rests on PRL at the commentary table. Pointing a finger down at the World Champion, Landon tells PRL to "relax" and that he's "got this", which seems to confuse him a little. COLE PR, if you don't mind me asking, who are you pulling for tonight? What's your preference for your first Pay Per View World Title defence, at School's Out? PRL You know it really doesn't matter to me, if it's Todd Cortez, Todd Cortez and Landon, Todd Cortez, Landon and Megan, add in a dash of Samoan, a pinch of Canadian, a light sprinkling of Englishman, it really makes no difference to me. I couldn't really care less. COLE Well some people are speculating Champ that you'd rather this match wasn't happening, because you had it all set up. Todd Cortez one on one, without the Riot Act Plus to worry about. And people are wondering which would be more dangerous. Would you take a third man in Landon Maddix, if it meant you didn't have to worry about that deadly Riot Act Plus? PRL I'd be lying if I said I wanted to be dropped on my head like that, but either way, that's not gonna happen at School's Out. Fact! .:CUE: "Oh No", Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche:. BUFFER And, introducing the opponent... fighting out of 'Hollywood Boulevard'! He weighs two hundred, twenty six pounds... the number one contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Wasting no time, Cortez marches down the aisle with a purpose and slides right into the ring... and is promptly moved back by referee Mike Chioda, away from Landon who has ducked between the ropes calling for a timeout. Sure, the match hasn't started yet, but whatever. COLE Cortez wants at Landon Maddix in the worst way. If he wins tonight, he's officially free of Landon's control! PRL Stables are for losers. Always have been. Once Todd is a safe distance away, Landon creeps out of his hiding place and reminds Todd that until the bell rings he can't really do anything to him. "Not yet" is Todd's response. Landon takes his time about getting ready, giving Todd time to remove his bulletproof vest, his cross and chain and also chance to calm down a little. *DINGDINGDING!* With a big shit-eating grin on his face, Landon walks out of the corner running his mouth at a mile a minute, taunting Cortez about this and about that. Maybe the AngleMania victory. Maybe the chance he'll be co-number one contender. Or, more likely, the fact Cortez can't use the Riot Act Plus, as he kindly reminds him before ducking his head. Cortez looks on with a scowl as Landon stands bent over, almost daring Cortez to go ahead and hit the Riot Act, knowing full-well that he can't. *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" But he CAN slap him on the back, and hard. The jolt of pain snaps Maddix bolt upright... *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...and Cortez strikes him with a knifedge to the chest! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" And another! Irish whips sends Landon into the corner... not just into, but upside down and over the top! Landing on his feet on the apron, Landon gets his bearings and quickly runs the apron towards the far corner. But Cortez intercepts him with a HOLLOW POOOOOOIIIIIIIINNTT, SENDING LANDON FLYING INTO THE BARRICADE AT RINGSIDE!!! COLE OH MY!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Megan rushes to Landon's side as he lays writhing at ringside, but quickly gets out of dodge as Cortez leaves the ring. Grabbing Landon, he pulls him to his feet and nails a straight right hand. Holding his side Landon staggers away, Cortez following in low with a tackle that drives La Cucaracha back-first into the guardrail again!! PRL See, this is a prime example of what happens when you piss off the wrong guy Michael Cole. And Maddix makes pissing people off so damn easy, it's only a matter of time before one of them is the wrong guy. COLE Well right now, Landon is being dominated! After a succession of right hands against the guardrail Cortez drags Maddix back towards the ring with a handful of hair. Face-first into the ring apron he goes before being dumped back inside, where-in he quickly tries to beg off and hold his ribs at the same time. Cortez doesn't fall for that one and stomps Landon before hauling him back up, whipping him into the corner again. This time Landon bounces right back out, send airborne with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! Maddix tries to beg off and even Megan gets in on the act, both drowned out by the Milan crowd encouraging Todd to kick his BUTT. COLE Look at Megan, trying to 'reason' with Todd. No shame at all. PRL I tell ya, if some woman dumped Tha Puerto Rican for La Cucaracha, I'd call that a lucky escape, because clearly there's something not right upstairs. COLE And Popick? PRL Yeah, same deal. Cortez pulls Landon back up and nails him with a right hand. A second. And a third. Backed up against the ropes, Landon is then sent for the ride by Todd, who ducks his head for another backdrop. Landon puts on the brakes and connects with a kick, tapping his head to show how smart he is. The kick barely phases Cortez though, causing Landon to panic and execute a whip of his own. Drop down sends Todd up and over, Landon back up and looking for a leapfrog... CAUGHT WITH A SITOUT SPINEBUSTER!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... NO! Barely having kicked out, Landon quickly pulls himself back up... and walks right into a right hand! COLE Things are NOT going Landon's way so far here in Milan! Stumbling into a corner, Landon is grabbed again by Cortez, looking for a whip. Landon manages to reverse this time though. Into the buckles, Cortez suddenly feels a hand on his ankle and turns around to see Megan Skye holding him in place. Cortez manages to pull his foot away just in time, as in flies Landon looking for a big leaping forearm smash. Instead he leaps straight into the turnbuckles, leaving him open for a German Suplex, with a bridge... 1... 2... No! Landon staggers to his feet and tries to stagger away as best possible from The Urban Legend. Cortez follows in after him and dives at Maddix looking for a clothesline... ...but Maddix ducks and CORTEZ GETS HIS ARM HUNG UP IN THE ROPES GOING OVER THE TOP!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL That ain't good. Referee Chioda quickly rushes over to try and get Cortez free, but Maddix beats him in the footrace in his determination to capitalise. Maddix remorselessly kicks away at Cortez like a pináta as he hangs by the arm over ringside in serious pain. And when Chioda forceably moves La Cucaracha back, Megan adds to his misery with a shot to the gut from the outside. Eventually the referee manages to get Landon back long enough to untie Todd's arm, the number one contender falling to the outside where he grabs at his shoulder while Landon stands back with a smile on his face. COLE What a bad slice of luck for the Urban Legend. PRL No doubt. Those ropes are tighter than you'd think unless you've actually wrestled in your life... Michael... getting caught up in them is no fun. Reaching out of the ring, Landon pulls Cortez back up onto the apron. He then takes the right arm and guillotines it down across the top rope! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The former World Champion looks much more confident now and takes his sweet time with Cortez. Setting him up, he brings Cortez back in with a suplex, floating with a little difficulty into a lateral press... 1... 2... No! Landon wrings out the arm bringing Todd back to his feet. A couple of sharp tugs on the shoulder leave Cortez on one knee and grimacing in pain, at the mercy of the smiling La Cucaracha. He wrings out the arm again, bringing Cortez over to the canvas where he applies a short-arm scissors. PRL Maddix in control, just asking to have the piss slapped out of him with that smug smile on his face. With a nod to the outside to Megan, Landon leans back pulling up on the hold. No submission yet from Cortez though. COLE Just what kind of damage does this hold do PR? PRL It's an armbar. You tell me, genius. Looking for an escape, Cortez kicks his feet up looking to roll himself backwards. A clamping on the hold prevents that from happening and Todd winds up right back on his back. Cortez isn't one to just lie around and take a beating though and pretty soon he's rocking back again, this time managing to roll backwards and stack Landon up on his shoulders... 1... 2... Kickout by Landon, losing the arm in the process. He beats Cortez to his feet and lands a forearm though, allowing him to wring out the arm once more. Placing the right arm in a hammerlock, Maddix then runs Cortez shoulder first into a corner! Down goes Cortez, lorded over by La Cucaracha to the annoyance of the Italians in attendance. Landon hangs Todd up over the turnbuckles and wraps the arm around the top rope... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." ...which, of course, isn't legal... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." ...so Landon only does it for three seconds at a time, which in his mind consitutes following the rules. Referee Chioda doesn't seem to agree and warns the innocence pleading Landon. COLE He hasn't changed, has he? PRL Nope, he's still the same sorry cheating sumbitch he used to be. Same stupid haircut too. As Cortez tries to rub some feeling back into his shoulder, Maddix lines him up. A forearm under the jaw catches Cortez napping. As does a second. He soon wakes up after the third strike though, lashing out with a hard kick which catches Landon right in his ribs and sends him sprawling to the ground! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" Landon dusts himself off and gets right back up, pounding away on the injured shoulder with right hands to fend Cortez off. A hard slap to the face proves a mistake. But when Cortez storms towards him Landon peppers the shoulder with fists again until Cortez is subdued again. Down to one knee goes Cortez and Landon quickly steps forward... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* ...and strikes Cortez in the face with four quick Kawada kicks! PRL Cortez better suck it up and quick and I don't mean in that way Cole so settle down and think about baseball or something. I'm talking gutcheck. Cortez hasn't got his fancy piledriver, boo-hoo. Find something else and kick this arrogant jabroni's ass already! If he needs any more motivation than what he's got, he ain't gonna be a threat to Tha Puerto Rican's title reign, trust me. COLE (sighs) ...manly forearms... PRL WHAT!? COLE What? I... I didn't say anything, I... PRL (points to eyes) Tell it right to the camera, buddy. With Cortez dis-orientated for a second, Landon sets him up and hits a vertical suplex. Hitting the ropes, Landon then leaps up to bring all his two hundred, eight pounds down across Cortez's chest with a double stomp... and bottoms right out into a back senton for good measure. A moment of checking the ribs and Landon then reaches back to hook a leg... 1... 2... No! Armbar applied by Maddix and he brings Cortez back up by it. COLE Landon not usually known for his submission wrestling, per-se. Staying on the arm though. PRL An armbar like that ain't gonna cut it though and he knows that. He's just buying time. Landon keeps Cortez under control for a few seconds, then sends him off with an irish whip. Up goes Landon, on point with a spinning back elbow on the rebound. So pleased with it is Landon that he walks over to a corner and leans in the turnbuckles, taking in a mental picture of the moment for safe keeping. Cortez begins to get to his feet as Landon makes a move, so he stays in the corner, going up to the middle rope. The Urban Legend climbs to his feet and walks right into a Front Missile Dropkick from the 2nd floor, connecting on the right shoulder, making a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling Cortez up again, La Cucaracha backs him up against the ropes and strikes with another forearm. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" He then lays in with a knifedge, with not quite the decible level that you get when chopping Landon in response. No matter. Landon wrings out the arm and sends Cortez off with another whip. Maddix then takes a quick glance to PRL, telling him to "watch this" as he goes up with a Dropsau... CAUGHT! Cortez catches hold of Maddix and gets him in a standing headscissors, to the consternation of Megan! COLE He can't do what he's thinking of doing! So, he doesn't. After realising a Riot Act is out of the question, Cortez instead picks Landon up for a powerbomb. The arm tweaks though and he loses Landon in mid-air, Landon floating over the back and into a sunset flip... 1... ...no, Cortez rolls through... *SMACK!* ...AND JUST SLAMS THE FLAT OF HIS BOOT INTO LANDON'S FACE!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" PRL Now that's what I wanna see! About damn time! With Maddix splayed out on the canvas, Cortez drops down and hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO!! COLE Only a two count, Cortez less than a count away from his freedom! PRL What a touching story, blahblah... Michael Cole, all that matters and should matter is the OAOAST Championship. Plain and simple. Anyone who spends their life stuck following somebody else doesn't deserve my attention, and will never gonna be World Champion, for the very fact that he got there in the first place and he's not got the balls to get out and stand on his own two feet. COLE What about The Lightning Crew? PRL Yeah. How many of my title shots did I hand down to Mr. Boricua again? COLE Touché. PRL Damn right touché. Now call the match and stop bringing up things that aren't important anymore. That being The Former Lightning Crew. Still clutching his right arm, Cortez measures Maddix to his feet and delivers a hard kick to the stomach that lifts Landon off his feet. Another kick connects. And a third. And a fourth, finally knocking Landon off his feet. Right back up he tries to go back to begging off, but Cortez is on him with an irish whip. Underneath a clothesline goes Landon, coming back off the ropes and flying in with a flying forearm... but gets 'caught' and quickly dropped across a knee as Todd can't hold onto him with one bad arm. With Landon doubled over, Todd quickly follows up with a Russian Legsweep. He rolls right through the landing and jumps up, looking for a legdrop... MISSED! Out of the way rolls Landon, catching Cortez on his way back up. He throws the arm up over his for the Complete Shot... but a twist of the hips and a judo throw counters that! A little shocked by the takedown, Landon walks right back up and into a Roundhouse Kick... NO, DUCKED! PRL That's what happens when you know an opponent like these two do. You get to this point and you can't do shit to 'em because they know what's coming. COLE ...well put. Running Cortez into the ropes, Landon pulls him down in an O'Connor Roll... 1... 2... Kickout by Cortez, sending Landon forward into the ropes. He goes up and over Cortez, building up some speed. Off the far ropes, Landon then catches Todd around the head with his left arm, swinging himself around the back and bringing him down from the right side with an inverted bulldog! COLE There's that move again! PRL Cover him already you jackass! PRL doesn't seem to appreciate the moment's pause to celebrate from Landon, before he finally hooks a leg... 1... 2... Kickout! PRL Ah, what a jackass! You hit some crazy move like that and the first thing in your mind is 'what does my hair look like?', 'are the people looking at me?'. Take that crap to the Women's Division! Flicking the hair from his eyes, 'the signal' is given by Landon. It's time to go to sleep. Cortez picks himself back up to find his 'boss' waiting on him, delivering a boot to the gut and taking him up into the fireman's carry... ...but Cortez slips down the back, uses a handful of hair to pull Landon's head back AND KICKS HIM IN THE TEETH WITH A HIGH ROUNDHOUSE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That could be the knockout!! Megan holds her head in her hands, while Cortez cradles his right arm in his left. PRL Get on him! Forget about your arm, cover! Eventually Cortez is able to and grabs the near leg... 1... 2... NO, SHOULDER UP!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE At the last seco... PRL Gimme a break over here! Are these two even trying to win this, because from where I'm sitting it's pretty debatable. COLE Well PR... PRL Hell, whoever wins or whatever I end up having to go through at School's Out, these two better take the rods outta their asses because so far they haven't shown me they've got what it takes to dethrone Tha Puerto Rican, that's for damn sure! COLE Settle down there Champ. PRL I'm just amped up, Michael! I'm sick of sitting here, I wanna be in there right now, because you and I both know if I was I'd lay the smackdown on these two in a fatman's heartbeat and beat 'em both! Both men slowly get back to their feet and Cortez looks to be the more alert, but without his go-to move he seems to be thinking about what to do next. Oh the other hand Maddix barely seems to be thinking after that kick to the face. Stumbling around, he walks right towards Cortez. Thinking quick, he goozles Maddix around the throat, gripping the tights and looking for the Urban Assau... NO! The arm won't grip and he can't get Maddix up! Todd changes arms and goozles with the left. But by then the element of surprise is gone and Landon is able to stun Todd with a back elbow, then hook the head and deliver the LANDON EYE! COLE Is that going to be enough to send Landon to School's Out? Landon on top... 1... 2... Kickout! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon sits up and notices the taste of blood on his tongue, realising that his bottom lip has been split open from the roundhouse kick. He looks almost offended and stomps back to his feet, pouting a little as he waves Cortez back up. PRL Oh, now you've done it. Don't tug on Superman's cape and don't mess up Landon's pretty face. Climbing to his feet, Cortez has his back turned to Landon who is stalking behind him, just waiting for the opening. Slowly Todd turns and he walks into a boot, Landon going up and looking for the CUCARACHA CUTTE... NO! Cortez shoves him off! Keeping his feet on landing Landon comes off the ropes... *SMACK!* ...AND GETS LAUNCHED BACK THROUGH WITH A SUPERKICK!! COLE How's your lips!? Right PR? PRL I don't use that one. COLE Oh, sorry. I just thought, 'cause... PRL Shut the hell up. COLE yessir. With Landon shaken up at ringside, Cortez runs the ring and WIPES HIM OUT WITH A SURPRISE TOPÉ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" PRL WOAH! Take it easy round the Champ guys. Both Cortez and Maddix end up helping each other up, in a way, if you can call grabbing each other by the hair and/or ears and climbing to your feet 'helping'. The two reach their feet and Cortez quickly turns Landon around, SLAMMING him face-first into the announce table! PRL Damnit I said take it easy! Almost spilled my Fresca... Still holding onto Landon by the hair, Cortez gets ready to slam him in again only for referee Chioda to leave the ring and try to convince the two to get back inside. The momentary distraction allows Landon to pick up a jug of water off the table though, taking a quick swig... ...and *SPEWING* it all over THA PUERTO RICAN thanks to a knee to the gut from Cortez!! PRL Son of a bit-*THUD* PRL is left covered in 'recycled' water and off headset, stood up with a look of fury towards Landon who gets thrown back into the ring. In follows Cortez and The Urban Legend spins Landon around as he gets back up, dropping him with a quick Crotch-Droppah! Off the ropes, Cortez builds up some steam... ...and gets tripped by Megan! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cortez angrily turns to his former girlfriend... ...JUST AS PRL JUMPS INTO THE RING AND STARTS UNLOADING RIGHT HANDS ON LANDON!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE The World Champion has lost it! PRL lays into Landon, stopping only to spit the hand before laying Landon out with the final punch! Out of the ring bails Landon with PRL hot, tearing off his custom made shirt and waving Maddix back inside. But it's Todd Cortez the World Champion might have to contend with... BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has stopped this match... and, his official decision, your winner, as a result of a disqualification... LANDON... COLE NO! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" BUFFER ..."LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Landon breaks into the biggest grin you'll ever see sat on the floor, wiping the blood from his mouth as he looks up into the ring. Realising what he's just done, PRL curses to himself... before getting spun around by Todd Cortez, who is understandably furious! COLE Cortez has been disqualified, thanks to PRL! And that means that Landon Maddix is going to School's Out... it means Cortez is still in Cucaracha Internacional... and it means that the Riot Act Plus is still banned! What a sickener! Eye to eye go Cortez and PRL with the World Champion trying to explain himself but Cortez not wanting to hear it. Cortez obviously has his own theories and gets in PR's face... ...but before anything can happen, Landon Maddix sneaks back in and pulls PRL away, hoisting him up AND NAILING HIM WITH THE GO 2 SLEEP!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Oh come on now! Maddix puts the boots to the World Champ, while Cortez goes to make a move towards him but is quickly intercepted by Megan who is quick to remind him that the match is over and touching Landon wouldn't be best advised. Cursing under his breath, Cortez storms off and heads up the aisle, leaving Landon stomping away in the ring! COLE By hook and most certainly by crook, Landon Maddix has weaseled his way into the main-event of School's Out. And now, he's beaten down the World Champion! Somehow, someway, Landon Maddix is back in the World Title hunt! After a final kick to the back of the head, Landon stops to "smell the electricity" over the fallen frame of Tha Puerto Rican. With the same grin plastered on his face, he then looks up at Cortez heading through the curtain, before standing over PRL with arms raised as we FADE OUT from Milan! The credits roll in front over the tour bus we saw in the intro still slowly proceeding down those somber roadways as While My Guitar Gently Weeps closes us it. FADE OUT

POSTING SHOWS JUST GOT UNRELIABLE. AND SARCASTIC. AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE BITTER AND MEAN SPIRTED. CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS Brand new at OAOAST.com ANGLEMANIA VII~! on 2-disc DVD! Featuring: The Entire Show, in full, absolutely uncut! Plus: Bonus Audio Commentary Track- Featuring Melody Nerdly, Leon Rodez and Josh Matthews plus special guests Alternate Commentary Track- Tha Puerto Rican joins Josh Matthews to call the main-event The Mania Of AngleMania Vignette AngleMania Memories of the OAOAST Superstars Pre Show Interviews w/The Enterprise, Internationally Known, Love Generation, Team Heyross, The Heavenly Rockers, Alfdogg, Landon Maddix, Jade Rodez, Mackenzie DeCenzo, Vinny Valentine, Stephen Joseph Popick and Kanye West! Post Match Interviews w/ALL the winners and a lot of the losers too! The AngleMania VII press conference Hype Videos for Landon/Cortez, Bo/Zack, Krista/Alix, PRL/Popick AngleMania Music Video Alix Maria Spezia, Californication Music Video Celebrity Roll Call: The Stars' Thoughts On Krista vs. Alix Krista Isadora Duncan On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame Special OAOAST.com Webchat With Zack Malibu The Beverly Hills Blonds Show Us Their L.A. The AngleMania Afterparty with Maggie Nerdly and Josh Matthews from OAOAST.com Tha Puerto Rican's Road To The Gold Retrospective Torneo Cibernetico III- (HeldDOWN~!, 3/13) PRL Runs The Gauntlet- (HeldDOWN~!, 3/27) The Fallout From Bohemoth vs. Zack- (HeldDOWN~!, 4/4) ORDER NOW AND GET A FREE VINNY VALENTINE SHIRT! VINNY SAYS: DISCO~! OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# And after that commercial, we head back to the ring where the set of The Love Shack has been hastily set up. Adorning the usual desk and seats are some decorations to give the show a little more of an Italian feel. Italian flags. A 'marble' statuette pillar. An Italian soccer jersey. And a pizza? Why, yes, that would be a pizza box open on the desk and a slice in the hand of Leon Rodez as he waves to the crowd. Luckily, he's a likeable kinda guy, so what could be misconstrued as a cultural cliché is instead construed as 'some guy eating pizza'. LEON Bonjorno! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" LEON Having misplaced my Italian phrase book, I'll leave it at that. But I have to say, it's a honour to be here in Milan for quite possibly the first televised OAOAST event here ever and most certainly the first televised Love Shack here ever! So while I finish up eating this delicious Hawaiian... not the first time I've said that in my life... allow me to give you all a little reminder of what happened when my 'rival' show, The House Of Worship, played host to the Lone Star Gunslingers. Roll V.T! Back to live footage we go. LEON (still chewing the pizza) It's... hard for me to watch... man, this is good. Mmm. Uh, anyway. It's hard for me to watch that footage, being so close to the situation and I know it's also been hard for Melody Nerdly. She's been having a harder time than most now that her Gunslingers are no more. But luckily, I've managed to convince her that sharing is caring and she's kindly agreed to share her thought with me tonight. So, please make her feel especially welcome, my guest, the top manager in the OAOAST as voted by the good people of the world... MELODY NERDLY! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" "Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits, formerly the music of the Lone Star Gunslingers but now just the music of a sole, lone Miss Melody. Looking a little depressed even now Melody sadly makes her way out and forces a smile to greet the cheers of the fans. Leon applauds from the ring in a further effort to cheer her up, without much luck. COLE I tell you Coach, it's so sad to see Melody like this. A young lady who is always so full of life and exuberance whenever we see her backstage, she didn't deserve any of this. COACH Hey, you get in bed with someone and they enter your world. COLE But she didn't 'get in bed' with the Gunslingers. COACH Maybe she should have done. COLE Oh come on now Coach! Climbing the ring steps, Melody enters the ring with Leon holding the ropes for her. Even his smile doesn't seem to cheer her up too much as he shows her to her seat. LEON Melody, thanks for joining us. And I think I speak for everybody watching when I say it's great to see you back on OAOAST television again. *APPLAUSE* LEON Now, I know this is all still very raw emotionally and if I overstep the mark or we start delving too deep, just say so. But, I think all your fans would like to know how you're doing. MELODY Well I'm... I'm doing better. LEON That's good to hear. You know, I've spent a lot of time in recent months with yourself, Jock and Baron amongst others and I guess I'm been privy to a lot that the fans haven't seen backstage. Your personal lives. But, this has come as a total bolt out of the blue. There were never any signs, to me at least, that things were so bad between Jock and Baron. But, you were obviously closest to them both. Did you see this coming, at all? MELODY No. I mean, things were kinda tense the past few weeks. But... not this. I just figured they were going through some differences. Nothing major. We actually sat down before AngleMania and we talked things out. Jock had some issues. Baron had some issues. We talked, we cleared the air, we played some Madden '08 for a while. And I figured everything was vegan kosher again. But... I guess not. Melody hangs her head a little and Leon quickly jumps in. LEON Well, it's safe to say you're the John Madden of the OAOAST. MELODY You're not flaming me, are you? LEON No no. I meant... well, you know the right plays... tactically. I don't know. The point is, you're a great manager and you helped the Lone Star Gunslingers to rise the ranks and make it to the top of the tag team division. Do you think maybe they became a victim of their own success? Melody sits and thinks about it for a second... My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 ...which is when JOCK MULLIGAN'S theme music hits!! (Patty sez: it occurred to me I never told KC Jock's song!) COLE Oh no. Poor Melody's eyes bulge and Leon is quickly out from behind his desk, ready and waiting as Mr. Dick strides out. Wearing a pair of jeans that ride dangerously low down his waist and looking like he's just stepped straight out of the shower otherwise, Jock walks out with a scowl on his face and enters the ring. Melody cowers a little until Leon steps between her and her former charge. LEON I don't know what in the hell you thi... JOCK Clam up, okay? LEON Incase you hadn't noticed, this is MY show. Jock sneers, turning his back on Leon. JOCK You know, it's so easy to paint a picture of somebody when you're only hearing one side of the story. You wanna know the real deal? You come to the real deal. And that'd be me. See, I had to come out here before I vomited. This little love-in, sharing your feelings? Save it for MSN, okay? That crap didn't cut it with me during that little 'meeting' you've been crying about and it ain't cutting it with Mr. Dick now neither. Now... LEON Far be it from me to repeat myself, but this is MY show, okay? And seeing as you're out here, I've got a few questions. So maybe you'd like to take a seat? JOCK I'd rather stand. LEON Good, because you're so lathered up in baby oil you'd probably slide flat on your ass anyway. Sneering again, Jock wipes his chest down and admires his muscularity. LEON Now, questions, questions. The obvious question, I suppose, would be "why?" But we've heard your warped version of events already, haven't we? You say that you're the 'superstar'. How Baron was holding you back, how Melody was holding you back, this, that. I think the better question is... did The Enterprise really do THAT much damage to you? You've obviously gotten hit too hard in that big Texan head of yours and you've become a totally different person to the Jock Mulligan I know. See, the Jock Mulligan I know was a gentleman. The Jock Mulligan I know was a good person. Not some self obssessed, narccissictic high-school jock, if you'll pardon the pun, who insists on being the self-proclaimed 'Dick' of the OAOAST... JOCK Mr. Dick, actually. LEON And, that's something you're proud of? JOCK You're damn right I am. Listen Leon, I'm gonna say this to you real nice since as you said we go back a little way. I used to be that guy. But the Jock Mulligan you knew is GONE. That Jock Mulligan is gone. That Jock Mulligan was a pussy... (looks at Melody) ...and everybody knows, if you want success in this world, dicks can get places that pussies don't. That where I come in. I'm not just a dick, I'm Mr. Dick now. And I'm heading for success in this world, the success that I deserve to have! Jock stops and raises his arms in the air, to predictable boos and a look of utter disgust from Melody. LEON Is that so? JOCK That's so. And deep down you know I'm right, Rodez. But I'm out here to set the story straight, so let's set it already. Okay? See, I said some things that I really didn't mean... Jock turns to Melody. JOCK ...and one of them was to you. Apparantly, I said that you weren't good for anything. Must have been in the heat of the moment. Because, now that I think about it, you are good for something... and that's opening your legs! Isn't that right, Leon!? MELODY COLE Give me a break! What a reprehensible thing to say! JOCK Yeah, your management technique is great, huh. You've got two great management techniqu... LEON And NOW we get to the problem! Forget all this talk of success and realisations people, because it strikes me now that maybe, just maybe, Jock Mulligan's frustrations are a little... 'closer to home'. The fact you'd criticise Melody is disgusting to me. But, if she DID open her legs up, it sure as hell wasn't for you, was it Jock? That hits a nerve with Mr. Dick. LEON You know, I think I speak for everybody when I say I've heard enough out of you Jock. So, I suggest you do us all a favour, turn tail, go dry yourself off for crying out loud and do whatever it is 'Mr. Dick' does of a night. Because, if you want to turn this into a dick-waving contest with Silky Smooth, I promise you it will not end well for you! COLE You tell him, Leon! Not appreciating being stood up to, Mr. Dick points a finger in Leon's face before turning and leavi... NO, Jock fakes Leon out and runs at him... BUT LEON CUTS HIM OFF WITH A SPEAR!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE HERE WE GO!! Leon and Jock go at it on the mat, exchanging lefts and rights with Leon on top. Still clearly torn Melody looks on for a few seconds, before deciding she should step in and trying to pull Leon off of Jock. But before she can do so, suddenly somebody slides into the ring and pulls her off of Leon. Melody is shocked and pretty soon she's fighting for breath, as the muscular woman who's slid in holds her in a rear choke, keeping her subdued. Leon finally notices Melody is trouble and tries to get over and help her... ...BUT JOCK LAYS HIM OUT WITH A CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! COLE Who the hell is that woman!? Where did she even come from!? COACH If you don't know that by now, you're in more trouble than I thought Michael. The hysterical Melody is held back and forced to watch as Jock stomps him down until he's no longer moving. Jock turns over the seats onto his fallen body, then lays another boot to the back of the head. Jock then walks over to the desk, picking up what's left of Leon's pizza. He takes a slice, thinking about taking a bite... but doesn't want to ruin his physique with junk food, so instead SMUSHES THE PIZZA INTO THE FACE OF MELODY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE You dirty motherfu... COACH HEYHEY! Seeing this gives Leon a small burst of adrenaline, but too small to do anything. Jock kicks him back into grogginess before pulling him to his feet. The big Texan hoists Leon up onto his shoulders and sets him up, throwing him up in the air and bringing him down across both knees, as he did to Moracca earlier! COLE This is reprehensible! With Leon down and hurting, Jock calls the powerful woman off of Melody and she throws her to the canvas. Jock and the mysterious woman then leave, with Jock taking a look back in pride at what he's done. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Tears streaming down her cheeks, Melody crawls over to Leon with cheese and tomato puree still on stuck on her face and tries to check he's okay, taking a look back at Jock who just laughs at her. COLE Somehow, Jock Mulligan gets worse by the week. I really don't know what to say. He just makes me sick! COACH Go rub ya vagina somewhere else, son. Straight up and down like six o'clock, Jock is the man. The Gunslingers breakin up is great. Its separating the fakeness, Baron and Melody, from the realness, Jock and myself, the riders, Jock and myself again from the punks, Melody and Baron. The grass is getting chopped, baby. If Leon ain't careful he gonna get mowed down worse then he just did. You soft like Dirk so take a lesson from the man, take ya bitch slap and move on. Better stick to Zack's second fiddle, brah. This bitch, Leon, got "Its Raining Men" on replay on his iPod. COLE Well, that's your opinion one that's not shared by many of our fans. Folks, coming up next is our mainevent, one with many huge implications on our world title scene as well as Todd Cortez's place in La Cucharacha International. Stay tuned! THE OAOAST OH SNAP! INSTANT REPLAY IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY UNDER ONE ROOF STARRING FLAVA FLAV. SETTING BLACK ENTERTAINMENT BACK TWENTY YEARS. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT THE GRUDGE CONTINUES LANDON MADDIX VS TODD CORTEZ NEXT

The latest sight on a tour of Milian is of the magnificent and awe inspiring Teatro alla Scala the most famous oprea house in the world. No, that's not where we're holding the show, although that would've been fairly smart. The soundtrack for this splendid view isn't anything operatic, its We're moved back into the arena where The Wall by Kansas hits, and the Deadly Alliance makes their way through the curtains, to the boos of the crowd. COLE And the Deadly Alliance, all four members, out here, ready for six-man tag team action! Let's go to the ring! RING ANNOUNCER (in Italian) Onorevoli colleghi, il seguente è un uomo sei Tag Team concorso, in programma per una caduta! Fare a modo loro l'anello, accompagnato da ALFDOGG, ad un peso totale combinato di tre cento venti chili ... che rappresentano il Alleanza Mortale, il team di THUNDERKID, RIFIUTARE, e il campione OAOAST Heartland, SANDMAN NOVE MILLE! COLE And a terrific job done by our Italian ring announcer, as Alfdogg looks to be headed our way, Coach! COACH All right! As TK, Reject and Sandman step into the ring, Alf grabs a headset and sits beside Michael Cole. COACH 'sup, Alf? ALF I'm just here to get a look at the Heartland champion, and the next World tag team champions, Coach! COACH I'm feelin' you on that! COLE And of course, Thunderkid and Reject, we have learned, will challenge Team Heyross for those titles at School's Out, which will eminate from the Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, New York, on May 25th! COACH Ric Flair made history in that arena in 1992, and we're gonna see new tag team champions crowned in just a few weeks! ALF That's right. A cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." "Punishment" by BIOHAZARD starts up, as Brock Ausstin and Team Heyross walk out, to a tremendous reaction from the crowd. COLE And here come their opponents! Brock stops at the top of the ramp, and starts doing his "Happy Happy Hoss Dance~!" RING ANNOUNCER (in Italian) Gli avversari ... a un totale combinato di peso di tre cento cinquanta chili ... uno introducendo in primo luogo, da Victoria, Minnesota ... "L'attuale grande passo", BROCK AUSSTIN! *crowd cheers* Il suo partner, sono i OAOAST World Tag Team campioni ...CHARLIE MUSCHIO e QUENTIN BENJAMIN, SQUADRA HEYROSS! Brock continues his way down to the ring, and leaps onto the ring apron from the floor. He yanks back on the ropes, causing pyro to spray from all four corners! COACH Whoa! Brock steps into the ring, and starts doing his "Happy Happy Hoss Dance~!" again, to warm up for his match. Meanwhile, Team Heyross poses on the buckles. Team Heyross hands their belts to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Sandman starts off with Charlie Moss. COLE Should be a terrific matchup... ALF No, it shouldn't. The Deadly Alliance is back together, and we're gonna wipe the mats with these three scrubs. Sandman and Moss tie up, and Sandman grabs a side headlock. Moss struggles, then lifts Sandman into the air, and tries to set him down, but Sandman takes him down with the headlock. Moss fights to his feet, then backs Sandman into a corner, and backs off after the referee steps in. COLE Clean break from Charlie Moss, and they'll try it again. ALF I'll tell you, Sandman's known for his brawling, but don't overlook his ability on the mat, Michael Cole! COLE Indeed, some nice mat wrestling there from Sandman9000, the Heartland champion for the last seven months! COACH Just two more weeks, he'll have held that belt longer than any competitor in OAOAST history! Sandman and Moss tie up again, and this time Moss grabs the side headlock. Sandman backs Moss into the ropes, and shoves him across. He attempts a clothesline, but Moss ducks, and delivers one of his own! COLE Big clothesline from Charlie Moss! Moss backs into the ropes, and attempts to drop an elbow, but Sandman rolls out of the way! COLE But nobody home there! Sandman then backs into the ropes, and attempts the same elbow, with the same result! COLE And Sandman misses as well! Both men roll into their corners, and tags are made to Brock and Reject. COLE And now Brock Ausstin and Reject will face off. Reject looks a bit timid as he circles the ring with Brock, then the two tie up. They roll around on the ropes, ending up with Reject forcing Brock into them, and delivering a knee to the gut. Reject sets up an Irish whip, but Brock reverses, and goes for a clothesline. Reject ducks, then ducks a second attempt, and tries a flying bodypress, but Brock catches him! COACH Uh-oh... Brock lifts Reject up overhead, and slams him to the mat! Brock yells out to the crowd, which cheers in response. ALF Did he just scream in Italian? COLE In any language, he's calling out to his fans! Brock picks up Reject, and executes a vertical suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! ALF And Reject kicks out, even though Brock had the tights! COLE No, he didn't! ALF Hey, you stop being biased and call the match! COACH I put up with this every week, Alf. ALF I feel for you, bro. Brock tags in Benjamin, who comes in and delivers a foot to the gut, then an arm-wringer. Reject backs Benjamin into the ropes, and whips him across. Benjamin leapfrogs Reject, then rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin quickly backs into the ropes, and executes a sunset flip! COLE Look at how quick Quentin Benjamin is! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin again backs into the ropes, this time catching Reject in a flying bodypress! 1... 2... TK reaches in from the outside and breaks up the count! COLE And Reject saved that time by his partner! ALF He wasn't saved, Cole, give me a break. If you're that close where your partner can break the count, why expend energy kicking out? Reject then tags out to TK, who sizes Benjamin up, then circles the ring. As Benjamin moves in, TK delivers a foot to the gut, then hammers him on the back. He goes for an Irish whip, but Benjamin reverses, then leapfrogs TK and runs to the ropes himself, catching TK with a spinning wheel kick! COLE Big kick! Benjamin leaps into the air and drops a leg on TK, then drags him into a corner and starts hammering away with rights! Reject climbs in, but is intercepted by Moss, who pulls him into the opposite corner! Finally, Brock catches Sandman coming in, and fires away on him in a corner! The three then communicate, and send the three DA members into one another in mid-ring! The DA heads out to regroup, as Brock and the tag champs celebrate. COLE And the Deadly Alliance looking to regroup, Alf, it's not looking good! ALF Of course not, these three in the ring are grabbing tights, pulling hair, double, triple teaming, committing every illegal act in the book, what do you expect from these cheaters? COLE ALF Don't you at me, Michael Cole, I'll make you at the snap of a finger! COLE As Brock's team celebrates, TK sneaks in behind Benjamin, but Benjamin catches him with a kick to the gut. Benjamin sets up an Irish whip, but TK reverses and sends Benjamin in...right over the top to the floor, as Reject pulls the top rope down! ALF He fell right over the top rope! What a klutz! COACH COLE And now TK with the advantage thanks to that cheap shot from Reject! Reject tosses Benjamin back inside, as Sandman tags in. Sandman executes a snap suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! ALF What's wrong with this referee, is he Italian or something? COLE ...yes. ALF Oh. Sandman tags in Reject, then picks up Benjamin in position for a Dominator as Reject climbs to the top, and comes off with a chop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And another kickout by Quentin Benjamin! Reject stomps away, then picks Benjamin up and executes a gutwrench suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject tags in TK, then whips Benjamin across. TK steps in, and floors him with a BICYCLE KICK~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK tags Sandman in, and Sandman executes a snapmare on Benjamin, followed by a seated dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Great tactics employed by this team, quick tags, quick covers! Sandman then whips Benjamin into the ropes, and hooks a sleeper! COACH This is it! COLE Sleeper applied by Sandman9000! ALF Quentin Benjamin's about to go to sleep, just like I'll put PRL to sleep once he stops ducking me! COACH Yeah, what's up with that, Alf? ALF He decided he didn't want anything to do with the Deadly Alliance after we laid him and Gerardo out a few weeks ago, so he goes and dicks around with Todd Cortez and Landon Maddix! But he can't duck me forever. Benjamin fades to the mat, as Sandman cranks down on the hold. COLE And with Popick out of the way, Alf's road to that title shot much clearer... ALF No no no, stop right there, Cole. Whether or not Popick's around, that has no bearing on when I get my shot at that title! I'd go through Popick just like I did in the past, and send him crying back to his skank wife. The referee lifts Benjamin's arm... 1!!! 2!!! Benjamin holds through on the third lift, and fights to his feet, then hammers his way out of the hold! He starts to crawl to his corner, but Sandman hooks the leg, and makes a tag to TK. ALF See, look at how well-oiled these guys are! TK stomps away on Benjamin, and applies a Boston crab! COLE And it's another submission hold, this time applied by Thunderkid! Benjamin struggles, unable to make any progress. COACH Looks like this'll be it, finally! However, Benjamin starts to inch, maneuvering towards his corner! COLE Look at this! Quentin Benjamin is actually crawling towards his corner, with the hold still applied! As Benjamin gets close to his corner, Reject climbs in, but is intercepted by the referee, as Benjamin makes the tag! COLE TAG MADE! Moss starts to go after TK, but the referee intercepts and forces him out! ALF Get him out, ref, no tag! TK stomps away on Benjamin, as the referee turns around. He then tags in Reject, and lifts up Benjamin in a hangman's hold. COACH Here it is, Cole, my favorite move! COLE You hate this move, Coach! COACH Naw, naw, this is great, watch this! Reject sizes up Benjamin, and delivers a kick to the midsection! ALF Great stuff, Coach, I agree! Reject backs Benjamin into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then tags in TK, who holds back Benjamin as Reject measures for another kick...but Benjamin moves, and Reject delivers a spinkick right to the gut of TK! COACH Oh, no! Benjamin then runs to the ropes, and jumps into Reject with a bodyscissors, pushing himself into the air off the mat, then catching Reject with a bulldog AND TK with a DDT, simultaneously! ALF COLE Tremendous move by Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin inches over to his corner, and TAGS BROCK! COLE And THERE'S a tag! Brock comes in and backs Reject into a corner, delivering right hands, then catches TK coming at him with rights, as well as Sandman! COLE Brock Ausstin is on fire! Brock slams Reject to the mat, then grabs Moss, who is on the top rope, and executes a ROCKET LAUNCHER~! COLE Rocket launcher! 1... 2... NO! Reject gets a shoulder up! Sandman has slid to the apron, and grabbed a barbed-wire baseball bat! COLE And Sandman about to bring in a foreign object here! ALF How do you know that? Maybe he just has a itch that he can't reach! Sandman attempts to slide in, but is caught by Charlie Moss, who drops an elbow to his back, then executes an STO BACKBREAKER~! He then signals for the end, and summons Benjamin to the top rope! At this point, Alf flips his headset off. COLE Hey, what are you doing! As Moss starts to lift up Sandman, Alf grabs the bat off the apron, and lifts it up into the crotch of Moss! Alf then casually sits back down at the booth, as Moss staggers into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COACH What happened to Moss there, Alf? ALF I dunno. Growing pains, I guess. Cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And the Deadly Alliance steals it! Alf gets back up from the booth as the winners celebrate. RING ANNOUNCER (in Italian) Onorevoli colleghi, i vincitori della partita...il team di THUNDERKID, RIFIUTARE, e SANDMAN NOVE MILLE! Alf slides into the ring, and stomps away on Charlie Moss. COLE And another ambush from the Deadly Alliance! Sandman and Alf toss Brock Ausstin to the outside, and begin picking apart the announce table. COLE All right, you guys have made your point, come on now! Alf and Sandman set Brock up for a suplex, then lift him into the air and drop him backfirst through the announcer's table! COACH YEAH! COLE Look at the carnage! Meanwhile in the ring, TK and Reject deliver the THUNDEROUS REJECTION~!!!!!11111 to Quentin Benjamin! The Wall plays, and the Deadly Alliance celebrates. COLE Another sickening display here by the Deadly Alliance! They said they wanted to have some fun, and apparently this is their idea of fun! COACH Now Alf is just awaiting a response from the World champion! That is, if he's man enough! COLE I gotta think that PRL is gonna grant Alf his wish of a title shot somewhere down the road, but how many of these messages need to be sent? With See You Again overlayed on the audio, we dissolve to commercial from a shot of the Deadly Alliance striding with utmost confidence up the ramp. COMMERCIAL

lol, I wish Boston would make it to the Finals. Laker World Order would serve these ho3s like some gangster ass waiters. Fresh dishes of ether salad and the day's special "This can't be life" soup with a side of fuck yo 16 titles in the face. Boston struggling with the worst team in the Playoffs. If you are a basketball fan and you missed this game to go see Ironman or something you straight bitch. COLE Well, folks, Molly Nerdly was again sent home this week for being the most annoying person on the roster. I'm not the kidding the entire train ride to Greece Molly would drop her pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!” Then whenever she's on an elevator she'd hum the theme from Mission Impossible with her eyes darting around the elevator. So she had to go back to home to Edmonton or back to school in New York. But Molly has one thing on 99% of the roster, a college education. Molly didn't go home, she went to LA to shoot footage of the most famous person in the OAOAST, Krista Isadora Duncan and her family. And charged her stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel to the company all in the name of what she called "gonzo filmaking". She think she's Hunter S. Thompson or something. FROM THE MIND OF REALITY AND THE APERTURE OF MOLLY NERDLY FILMED TUESDAY APRIL 28TH LOS ANGELES, CA The luxurious Beverly Hills mansion of fitness queen, entertainment icon and walk of famer Krista Isadora Duncan is where we lay our scene. While the rest of the OAOAST roster is forced to to stay in a hotel with communal showers and rampant cases of head lice, Krista's eldest daughter is spending her time in the second floor hallway. The area, which measures bigger then some people's master bedroom, is adorned with priceless antique poetry, fabulous floral arrangements, and delightful 18th century french decor, designed to make it appear like the palace of Versailles. Jade, however, isn't much for appreciating the achievements of her mother's interior decorater. The blond teenager is attired in a grey UCLA sweatshirt, and a pair of plaid stripped short shorts. But what exactly is Jade doing in such mismatched clothing? Walking back and forth down the hallway. Duh! Or to be more specific, Jade is attempting to mimic her mother's alluring walk that has captured the fantasies of millions worldwide. Problem is, Jade moves like an ostrich wearing an ill fitting girdle. JADE (walking) One...two..three...four...how many steps is it until I pull my shoulders back? Or are the shoulders always back? This is stupid! Stupid! I can't believe I'm doing this. I don't want to be in this fashion show, and I can't be in this fashion show. I'm from Michigan! The closest thing we've ever had to a fashion revolution is when WAL*MART raised prices on synthetic plaid and we overturned the ICEE machine. Hey, that was sort of funny. What am I doing? Why can't I just do this like Krista? Because I don't want to. Its not that I can't. I just don't want to. That's it. Yeah that's right. Should I tell her? No, I could never. God, get me out of this! I'll do whatever you want! I'll uh...I'll recycle. And Whenever the checkout person at Best Buy asks me if I'd like to try six free copies of Sports Illustrated, I won't cop an attitude because I'll realize that's just a part of their job. And I think that's a huge compromise, because its very annoying! Do I look like the type of person who wants access to comprehensive NFL draft scouting and a video recounting the Giants improbable superbowl win? MAYA (O.S.) On the last day of Hanukkah mom took me out to lunch with Ashley Tisdale. I told her that was pretty cool but what I really wanted as a crazy elder sister who talks to imaginary god men in the ceiling fans. And six months later she gives me just what I always wanted. Great! Girl genius (srsly, she was in the running to replace Coach until everyone realized her bed time is 9 O'clock), Maya strolls onto the scene. Whereas Jade looks a disheveled mess with her nervous expression, casual clothes, and hair done up in a messy ponytail, Maya is quite the little miss, in a fun, and fabulous Ruffle Henley Babydoll with a print that is full of pretty pastel pink and blue flowers, lightly sprayed jeans with a little rhinestone shine, and blue and pink floral print headband. JADE (continuing to walk) Hi, Maya! One...two...three...four...five. MAYA Watcha doin? Countin' how many pounds you've gained since ya moved in? Only twenty more to go! Jade is taken aback by this caustic remark, and pauses in place. The camera does a quick jerk from her shocked expression to Maya's contemporaneous one. JADE No..I...I...I'm practicing for my walk in that uh...um...fashion show Krista signed me up for. Its kind of a difficult thing to do. There's a certain kind of walk, that's really just...its hard. I can't get any of this modeling stuff down. Is it mental? Is it physical? Its...I don't know. Its driving me crazy. But, uh, am I really that fat? MAYA It could be the sweatshirt. JADE Yeah! MAYA Or it could your thirty pounds of whale blubber! MOLLY (O.S.) Your mother is so fat that when she wears a red dress people yell, hey kool-aid man. JADE Maya, that's not a nice thing to say at all! We're supposed to be sisters...we are sisters. So, we...uh..we..well..we...support each other. MAYA (singing) I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you asked for it, 'Cause you need one, you see. I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you tell me it's, Make or breaking this. If you’re on your way,I'm not gonna write you to stay. If all you have is leaving, I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today. Today. JADE (under her breath) She's even a good singer. MAYA Huh? What? What was that? Can you make your neck fat sing? JADE (horrified) Neck...fat?! MAYA It was a joke! Lighten up! Gawd. Lemme see your walk again. I bet its pretty good. Now even more nervous then she was before this entire ordeal began, Jade begins a very tentative walk trailed by Maya's criticizing glare. The camera wobbles subtly, giving added emphasis to Jade's difficulties. The way Jade moves its as though she's trying to balance a book on her head, and her mind constantly awaits Maya's next caustic remark. She needent wait for long, however.. MAYA Earthquake! Earthquake! Earthquake! Get the dogs, stay away from the windows, duck and cover! Earthquake! Jade again stops, exasperated by both her troubles as well as teasing sister. The camera views her lowered head from the side, objectifying her and making her seem even weaker. MAYA No, no, Jade you're fine! For real. I'd even given ya a blue ribbon! JADE Really? MAYA For fattest heifer at the county fair! MOLLY (O.S.) Anorexia thank you truly and honestly, for giving me the ability to laugh at these fat jokes. JADE Maya, why are you like this? This is very hard for me. Can't you be more encouraging? MAYA Okay, okay, okay. Sorry. I bet you'll look great... JADE (weakly) Thank you. MAYA Next to a plate of scrambled eggs and sausage at a Grand Slam at Denny's. Totally exhausted, Jade is again shown from the profile, this time with no head room so as to make her seem totally despairing and out of balance. JADE Well...um...what should I do? MAYA I think you should just go ask mommy. This is like her thing! You shoulda just asked her from the start. She'll help. And if she can't she'll just pay the audience not to oink when you're on the catwalk. And don't say you can't do it or anything, because then you'll just get motivational speaker mommy. Just say you tried and you sucked. Having now lost any interest in helping her sister or even conversing with her, Maya shrugs her shoulders and heads down the hallway without so much as a glance of good bye. JADE I don't know if I sucked... MOLLY (O.S.) You did indeed suck! Very much so! JADE Uh...alright I'll ask her. Where is she? MOLLY (O.S.) Your dear sweet mother is outside sunbathing. However, I do believe that's just a code for “excuse to get sun tan lotion rubbed on my half naked body by a hot assistant" Rather then follow Jade down to the backyard area which could take over ten minutes in of itself, its that enormous a residence, we're shown a full body shot of Jade striding through the rear door. The California sun immediately hits her face, squinting her eyes that she tries to shield from the blinding brightness. Thanks to a very generous government arts grant, Molly has a helicopter flying overhead to give us a birds eye view of Krista's luscious resort like yard. The patio boasts a tropical atmosphere with bamboo furniture and hurricane lanterns. The immaculate yard is an enormous compound, large enough to encompass another mansion. It's a splendidly private location, that sports a guest house in the back of the spacious grassy area. But our focus lies on the swimming pool area. As Molly promised, Krista lies face down on a red and white stripped beach chair, letting the sun rays sweep across her impeccably tanned skin. The siclopse journeys up Krista's svelte figure, taking in grey bikini bottoms that cling to her ultra tight BUTT, and a matching bikini top that stretches tightly across her voluptuous chest. One of Krista's many personal assistants, an attractive Latina woman in her late twenties, gently rubs suntan lotion across Krista warm supple well-exercised flesh, which we can only assume is why Krista, who's currently darker then Mariah Carey, is suntanning in the first place. Molly is right again! KRISTA ( to her assistant) Mmmmmm.....you're good. Real good. Good enough to make me forget my lawyer's words of "Hello! Sexual Harassment!" JADE Krista, I..I...I..have a problem. We watch from over Krista's shoulders as Jade takes a seat and nervously tries to gather her words. Unlike Jade, Krista is perfectly content thanks to the thrilling full body massage from her lovely assistant. KRISTA Every licensed driver in Southern California has this problem eventually! Just push the immigrant's body to the side of the road and the garbage truck will be by to pick it up in a few days. I joke, I joke, I joke because I. So what's the story morning glory? What's wrong? You want a new credit card? Of course you do, darling, what upper class heiress doesn't? Krista dives her hands into her flashy purse to fish out a credit card for Jade. MOLLY (O.S.) My, how wonderfully wonderful that purse is! KRISTA Oh, honey, thank you! Its made out of the skin of fifteen different endangered species. Does anything say chic like the crass destruction of the earth's fragile ecosystem? Maybe this bikini made entirely out of the hair of the nearly extinct steller sea lion skin. The earth may have cruelly forgotten you my darlings but my boobs will honor your memory forever. Or until Friday when I sunbath topless. Jade, back to you, little dove. Like Marvin Gaye, I wonder...what's going on? You've got the whole Dom Rebel fashion show thing coming up and you want all your friends and family from Grand Rapids to check you out. Welllll, why don't I fly Leon, and a few of your socially inoffensive friends in? JADE No! No! I mean...you...uh...you don't have to do that. Um..well, the fashion show is kind of why I'm here actually. This sounds so stupid to say, like telling someone I forgot how to breathe, but I can't get a fashion show walk and its driving me crazy. I..I...keep trying to do it like you...but I look so stupid and I start thinking too hard and I fall flat on my face. And not even on the ground but on those fancy vases and sculptures you bid on from sotherbys, and they break, and then I blame Terry and you dump the food out his dog bowl as punishment. And......Maya says I look fat. Krista to put on a look of disgust, but its difficult for her to summon rage when there's a cute woman rubbing cherry scented lotion on her BUTT. KRISTA That's a terrible thing to say to your own sister. MOLLY (O.S.) Agreed wholeheartedly, which is why I've never told Melody she wears her shirt too unbuttoned and we can see all the tissues she stuffs her bra with. Horribly impolite of me! JADE (relieved) So, I'm not fat? KRISTA No, don't be ridonkulous. You're not that fat at all. You just don't know how to dress your body. No never mind, you are that fat. JADE Wha....what?! KRISTA (singing) I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you asked for it, 'Cause you need one, you see. I'm not gonna write you a love song, 'Cause you tell me it's, Make or breaking this. If you’re on your way,I'm not gonna write you to stay. If all you have is leaving, I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today. Today. JADE Krista, you're mean! Somehow that statement of the obvious, causes Krista to forget all about the pleasuring touch of the assistant, and she sits up in defiant outrage. KRISTA How dare you call me mean! An alcoholic? Sure ok. Distrustful of the Japanese? Who isn't! But nobody calls me a racist. And you can ask anyone I own. JADE (falling over onto her side) Ugh! I hate my body so much! KRISTA Listen, you're a Duncan woman, you're supposed to be ashamed of any part of your body that wasn't enhanced through the talents of doctor Vinjay Negm plastic surgeon, and one hell of a bowling instructor. JADE I'm just trying to do it like you do, and I can't! KRISTA Jade, of course you can't, I'm in a league of my own. Literally. I played the left fielder Betty Avery. Good movie by the way, took place in such innocent times when Madonna was still social relevant and Rosie was still funny enough that I didn't inwardly cringe whenever she would pinch my BUTT. You're worrying way too much, its gonna be okay. Uh, who's daughter are you? Mine. I'm fabulous, ok? I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot and a half, and I got a killer rack. But do you think I was always this way? JADE Yes. KRISTA You're right, I was. And you would be to if you hadn't grown up in a state who's biggest achievements are the Insane Clown Possee and the country's eldest chapter of the Klu Klux Klan. But, you're beautiful Jade. Absolutely drop dead gorgeous. JADE You have to say that, you carried me in your womb for nine months. You don't want to feel like you wasted your time. What happens when I get laughed off the stage and onto the eighth season of celebrity fit club: I'm hot but my child's a fatty edition! KRISTA Ah god, this girl I used to date at UCLA is a dietitian now, she's probably got the perfect cocktail of instant weight loss diet pills. But we had that horrible break up when I cheated on her. Literally on her. She woke up and I was having sex with another girl on top of her. I had no idea she was asleep under the covers. But since the whole ordeal played out in a display window at the Getty museum, I got a Humanities credit out of all of it. JADE Mom! KRISTA You called me mom! It takes my deviant sexual practices to bring this family together! Look, why do you think mommy's so ab-fab well into her twenties... JADE Twenties? KRISTA Cause of my humps my hump my hump my hump. My hump my hump my hump my lovely lady lumps. Check it out. Krista decides to teach by doing and struts her stuff along the patio. But whatever it is about Krista's walk that's confounded Jade isn't evident to us. Molly's decided to focus on what's truly important here, Krista's BUTT, her firm bikini clad buttocks rolling with breathtaking sensuality. JADE I can't do it! I just can't do it! Put me in my wheelchair and roll me into a ditch! KRISTA You know what the problem is? You're too self-conscious for modeling. Jade, what's happening is you're too hung up on what's in here. (Krista runs her hands over Jade's head) JADE My bangs? KRISTA No, your brain. The more you use your brain when your modeling, the worse off you'll be. Somewhat like being president. And just think I have two masters degrees! Think of all I had to overcome to be the Jewish Daily News' page three girl of the year four years in a row. I'm like the Lance Armstrong of being hot. Look, Jade, the audience, they can't see your mind. MOLLY (O.S.) Unless they have x-ray vision like Superman. KRISTA Then they'll just look at your BUTT. MOLLY (O.S.) Unless they're gay like Robin. KRISTA The mind is a distraction to you. They can only see what's in here, okay. Act from here, darling dear.(Krista runs her hands around Jade's face) Act from your hair. All right? But not that hair. Get some highlights, take those teeth a few shades up, and, hello, Jade, beautiful bouncing breasts. How 'bout can we see them? KRISTA Jade, the best advice a grizzled veteran of modeling can give to an aspiring young girl, as well as the best advice a mother can give her daughter is that you don't have to be a slut but you damn sure better act like one. JADE I don't really...I don't think that'd work. I can't really do that stuff. KRISTA Sure you can! How else did you pass your driving test? Trust me, it ain't cause you're Jeff Gordon on the raceway. I let you drive to Santa Monica last week, it was like the closing scenes of The Perfect Storm. Sex appeal is as old as time! It goes back to caveman days. If there was a saber tooth tiger blocking Hollyrock Boluevard do you think Betty Rubble strolled into Mister Slate's stone quarry in her ugly knee length blue grandma dress to get someone to move it? Nope, she throws on a halter top, wears a flirty little miniskirt that shows off the right amount of ass cleavage, and lets her juicy lil tush talk men into a grizzly, agonizing death. How do you think I paid for this house? A bank loan? I'm a convicted felon! I just did the boobie shimmy in the relators face and that was that. Let's practice...let's try some improv. MOLLY (O.S.) Improv. Short for improving. KRISTA Molly check your undergrad degree and make sure the words barber, cosmetology or clown don't precede the word college. Jade, whatever I throw at you, you just do it. Are you ready? And you're a cat. Go! JADE (weakly, like the meow is cracking in her throat) Meow? KRISTA You're a sexy cat! Like those ones MARV looks at on his computer when he no one's around and he thinks we don't know. But we know. We know. Jade, watch. Krista purrs sweetly and rubs her head against Molly's leg. She slowly bats her eyelashes, and smiles at the camera in a coy fashion. MOLLY (O.S.) How glad I am that I remembered to Nair! Krista continues to purr and trace her cheeks along Molly's leg, which forces an involuntary smile onto Molly's face. MOLLY (O.S.) I think the hardest part of this will be telling my parents I'm a lesbian. JADE Meow! KRISTA You're crawling through mud! Crawl! Crawl! Utterly confused Jade drops down to the her knees and begins a crawl that simply resembles a baby moving through a play pen. JADE Meow?! KRISTA Not the cat! You. JADE Oh! Jade's crawling completely morphs into something that isn't crawling around at all. Now she belly flops across the patio way, drawing Krista's incredible consternation. KRISTA All right, forget it. All right, let's...wow...This isn't working. At all. Let's try something a little more relatable. Okay? You're a... MOLLY A stop sign! How wonderfully embarrassing sexy that would be! Jade stands as tall as her body will stretch while she angles her arms above her head to form a stop signs octagon. Again Molly jiggles the camera so as to emphasize Jade's difficulties. And Jade's troubles increase significantly as her legs give way, and throw her on pitfall towards the swimming pool. Krista alarmed eyes watch as Jade's fail miserably in her final effort to steer the green beast away from the blue lagoon. Water erupts from Jade's disastrous fall reaching so high that it even dances across the siclopse's camera lens. MOLLY (O.S.) Pity! There's a free willy joke dying to be made right now. While Molly takes care of preventing the water from obstructing our view, Krista tries to pull Jade out the pool. Needless to say Jade is even more embarrassed then she was when this entire sequence of events began, and her face is cloaked by dripping wet strands of blond hair and shades of bright red humiliation. KRISTA The wet t-shirt look might work, if those gossip hounding fashion fags wouldn't be on the edge of their seats waiting for you to slip on your own puddle. Tell ya what, drew yourself off and just go down to the gym, watch a couple of my FIT with KID exercise videos and at least knock a few pounds off. JADE Okay. KRISTA And if that doesn't work. I'll pay the audience not to oink at you. COACH lol at a little adolescent girl havin more mic skills then the likes of resuce 911. Dudes here STAY losin! Krista gives Jade a tight hug before sending her on her way. OAOAST MILAN/MILEY CYRUS SPECTACULAR YOU'VE SEEN JAMES CONE DEFEAT SLY SOMMERS MISTER DICK DEFEAT JOCK MULLIGAN KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN IN A BIKINI NOW YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT AGAIN THE REPLAY. THIS SUNDAY NIGHT ON TSM.

Returning from the last commercial break we see the beautiful uniquely Italian architecture of the The Velasca Tower with Gavin Rossdale's Can't Stop The World playing in the background. Bush was a good band, but yo this dude fell the fuck off. ah well he still gets to sleep with gwen stefani. if thats fallin off, then i wouldn't ever get up. (The shot on the screen during this commentary is Sly Sommers coming to the ring, with "Orange Crush" by REM blaring over the PA system) COLE Up next is a bout based on a challenge last week on HeldDOWN~!... COACH Correction: it's based on comments made by Sly Sommers during a sit-down interview a month ago on HeldDOWN~!, where he claimed that James "Phoenix" Cone was not "main event material". COLE From that point on, Phoenix has been trying to track down Sly, looking for answers as to why he feels the way he does...but the paths haven't crossed at the right times, I guess. COACH After a dominant victory on HeldDOWN~! last week, Phoenix finally got to confront Sly about it, who accused him of a lack of passion, which led to Sly challenging him to a match here tonight to show him that passion first-hand! (Sly's in the ring, then the opening guitars of BAaI echo throughout the arena, a moon rising on the screen throughout the opening lyrics. As the song KICKS IN, BLUE PYRO EXPLODES ON THE STAGE as the Moon EXPLODES into a Phoenix design. The pyro generates a ton of smoke, through which LP appears, making his way to the ring with a determined stride, adjusting his elbow pads. He slides in and hits the far turnbuckle, pointing to the crowd before throwing his arms up in a presumed victory) BUFFER The opponent...from Columbia, South Carolina at a weight of 235 pounds...JAMES "PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEENIX" COOOOOOOOOOOOONE! COACH It's proving ground time for Phoenix...IS THE PASSION THERE?!?!?! *BELL RINGS* Sly gets most of the crowd to clap along in support for him. Phoenix points out a guy in the crowd who has a "Die Sly Die" sign. Sly looks at it, shrugs, then points out the entire left side of the building, who cheer as he points. James Cone looks at them, kinda of blows them off, then tells Sly to get his head in the game. They circle around the ring, then go into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Sommers scores with a side headlock. Cone shoves Sly into the ropes backwards, forcing a break. The ref doesn't need to count, as Cone gives him a clean break, but with a scowl on his face. They circle the ring again. Collar-and-elbow tie-up and Sly gets another headlock. Phoenix lifts Sly up in a threshold lift...and Sly rolls him onto his back with a headlock takeover. Cone tries hooking Sly's jaw to bring him over...and manuevers him into a headscissors. Sly spins around to where he's bent over with his head buried in the mat, in front of Cone, then does a perfect headstand...and kips out of the headscissors. Cone's sitting up, as Sly drops to a knee and says, "C'mon, you got better stuff than that." COLE Sly's kinda underestimating Phoenix here. Phoenix gets up, as Sly backs off and allows him to get up. Phoenix looks somewhat frustrated as they go into another collar and elbow lock-up. Sommers goes behind and applies a waistlock. Phoenix struggles to get out of the hold, as Sommers has his fingers strongly grasped. Phoenix slides an elbow between himself and Sly...then breaks the clutch, going behind Sly with a standing switch into a waistlock of his own. But IMMEDIATELY, Sommers escapes by bringing Phoenix down on his stomach with a drop toe hold and sliding over into a front facelock. Phoenix tries rolling over onto his back to escape, but Sly re-manuevers himself to lie on top of Phoenix with a lateral press... ONE! KICKOUT! Sly pops up onto his feet, as Phoenix comes up to one knee, then gets in his face and motions with his fingers like he was already too close to victory. Phoenix slaps the hand away from his face and stands up...Sly snapmares him onto his back. Phoenix pops up to his feet...gets snapmared again. Phoenix pops up again, expecting to be snapmared, so Sly drops down to his knees and gives Phoenix a fireman's carry, going right into a lateral press... ONE! KICKOUT! Sly rolls onto his back and kips up. Phoenix gets up next, then Sly mockingly offers his hand to Phoenix for a shake. Phoenix looks around, sees the audience laughing at him, then gets angry and goes to kick Sommers' hand...only Sly catches the boot with both hands, then spins Phoenix around, right into an armdrag! Sly chooses to let Phoenix roll back up to his feet instead of applying an armbar on the mat. Phoenix comes back charging at Sly...right into a hiptoss! Phoenix bounces up to his feet and Sly goes after him...Phoenix rolls to the outside! COACH Looks like this almost-mockery of James Cone has gotten to the man! Cone pounds the apron in frustration, but quickly clears his head. Sly gets the fans to chant his name. The referee starts his count, but Phoenix slides back in at 3. Phoenix offers his hand in mid-ring for a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Sly chuckles to himself, then locks hands with Cone...Phoenix puts him in a wristlock, then turns it into a short-arm clothesline to send Sly down on his back. Sly rolls onto his stomach and Phoenix drops a knee on the back of Sly's head. Phoenix pulls Sly up to his feet with a front facelock and gives him a spinning neckbreaker! COLE Sly documented his neck problems in his interview a few weeks ago, I thought this wasn't supposed to be a dirty fight... Cone immediately comes down and locks in a rear chinlock. Sommers quickly works back up to his feet while in the hold, but Phoenix lets go and shoves Sly into a corner. Phoenix gives Sly a stiff European uppercut that sends Sly down to his BUTT from the impact. Phoenix pulls Sommers to his feet, then sends him off to the opposite corner with an Irish whip. Phoenix charges...and Sly kips over Phoenix, then brings him over with a schoolboy... ONE! TW...KICKOUT! Both men scramble to their feet and Sommers lifts Cone for a bodyslam...only Phoenix slips out of the back end and forearms Sly in the back of the head, sending him down on all fours. Phoenix pulls Sly up and gives him a big vertical suplex, right into a pin... ONE! TW...KICKOUT! Cone pulls Sly up and goes for the suplex again, but he twists around and lands on his feet behind Cone, then grabs the waistlock, shoves Cone up against the ropes going for an O'Connor Roll...but Cone holds onto the rope and Sly rolls backwards. Phoenix turns around, Sly charges at Phoenix...but Phoenix ducks down and grabs the top rope, causing Sly to spill to the floor! The crowd boos as Phoenix slides under the bottom rope and to the floor. Phoenix pulls Sly up by the hair as the referee starts his count... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! . Phoenix allows Sly to crawl back into the ring, then drops an elbow onto Sly's prone back. Phoenix pulls Sly up with a front facelock, then gives him a hard forearm to the side of the face. Phoenix sends Sommers off with an Irish whip...and in mid-ring, blasts him with a jumping Harley Race knee to the face! Cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Fortunately, I think Phoenix has thought better than to play dirty and go after Sly's neck. He's still taken control of this bout. Phoenix pulls Sly up and slams him face-first into the top turnbuckle. With his back exposed, Phoenix nails Sly in the lower back with a pair of shoulder charges. Phoenix then hooks Sly and lifts him for a side suplex...but Sly flips out and lands on his feet behind Phoenix! Sly charges at Phoenix, but Phoenix lifts him up and hits a big flapjack/hot-shot, dropping Sly face-first on the top turnbuckle, the impact sending Sly flying backwards and him bumping in mid-ring! Phoenix climbs up to the second rope...and hits an elbow drop! Cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Phoenix pulls Sly up quickly and sends him off with an Irish whip. Phoenix bends down, telegraphing a backdrop. Sly comes off the ropes and leaps over Phoenix, going for a sunset flip...but Phoenix rolls backwards onto his feet, then grabs Sly's ankle and rolls him backwards onto his feet. Before Sly can fully stand up, Phoenix hooks his head...Snap DDT! COVER! ONE! TWO!S KICKOUT! Phoenix yells at the referee about a slow count. He slowly pulls Sly up...who pulls him down in a surprise small package! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both scramble up and Phoenix grabs on with a headlock. Sly moves him backwards, then shoves him off to the ropes. Phoenix bounces off of the ropes on the other side, ducks the clothesline, then comes off on the other side and blasts Sly with a jumping back elbow. Both scramble up, Sly much slower than Phoenix, which Phoenix takes advantage of it by grabbing a side headlock. Sly hooks under Phoenix's jaw, then twists him around, breaking the headlock, and applies a front facelock. Sly transitions that into a butterfly...double-underhook suplex! Sommers goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Sly tries pulling Phoenix up and gets jacked with a jawbreaker. Sommers holds his neck from the pain of the whiplash, as Phoenix sends him off with an Irish whip. Sly comes off of the ropes and grabs Phoenix, spins around, and uses his momentum to send Phoenix off with the Irish whip. Phoenix comes off of the ropes and runs into a big back body drop! Phoenix bounces up to his feet, charges at Sly...another big backdrop! Phoenix comes to his feet and Sly brings him over with an old-school side headscissors takeover! Phoenix rolls up to his feet, Sly grabs him by the wrist, then flips him over by the arm onto his back! Sommers is up as Phoenix stumbles to his feet, backing into a corner. Sly whips him into the other buckle hard, then charges forward, leaps up, and delivers a monkey flip! Phoenix tries landing on his feet, but the momentum sends him face-first into the opposite turnbuckle! Phoenix falls backwards on his back. Sly with the cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Sly then goes to the top rope. He claps his hands to get the audience behind him. But, as Sly's making this mistake, Phoenix gets to his feet, holding his jaw. Phoenix grabs Sly, then gives him the big Flair slam off the top! Phoenix sees what he's done, then signals for something big. He grabs Sly, then hooks the arms behind his back...he's going for the Lunar Rising (Vertebreaker)! But, Sly slides his arms out of the move, then hits a high-angle back suplex with a bridge! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Sly pulls Phoenix up quickly, trying to hook him for the Sommerset (Roll of the Dice/Last Rites). But, Phoenix slips out and rolls Sly through into a victory cradle... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both immediately up, Sly ducks a clothesline, comes off of the ropes, and gets a cross bodypress into a cover... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both are up and Sly scores with a bodyslam. Sly goes up top, but Phoenix is up again...but this time, Sly leaps over Phoenix and onto his feet on the mat before Phoenix can get to him! Phoenix turns around and runs at Sly...but Sly leaps behind Phoenix and brings him over with a crucifix cradle... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Sommers is up first and comes off of the ropes...and runs into an elbow to the face that dazes him where he's standing. Phoenix goes for the DDT again, but Sly blocks by wrapping his near ankle around Phoenix's, then rolling forward, which rolls Phoenix backwards and onto his shoulders... ONE! TWO! TH-KICKOUT! Sly grabs Phoenix as they come up and goes for a Flatliner, but Phoenix grabs the arm and drags Sly over. Sly rolls through, both men are up, and Sly slips out of the backside on a bodyslam, then hooks Phoenix's head for the Sommerset! He spins it...but Phoenix spins out of the move! Sly dizzies himself and has to turn around to face Phoenix...BIG SUPERKICK OUT OF NOWHERE! SLY'S DOWN! PHOENIX WITH THE COVER... ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEE! *BELL RINGS* BUFFER YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR WINNNNNNEEEER....JAMES "PHOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIX" COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! COACH OUT OF NOWHERE, Phoenix has done it! He has defeated the former X-Division Champion and main event star Sly Sommers! Phoenix holds himself up with the ropes, as Sly lays spread-out in the center of the ring, out cold from the superkick. Cone comes to his feet with the audience applauding a great performance by Cone... COLE This is the coming out party...I think Cone has shut up the doubters with one superkick to the jaw of Sly Sommers! Phoenix has arrived! Sly comes to, sitting up while in a daze. The referee comes to help Sly up...but Phoenix asks him to leave. The crowd goes quiet...and Phoenix offers Sly his hand. Sommers looks around, then grabs it as Phoenix helps him up. The audience stands up and applauds as they raise each other's arms! COACH This is awesome! You always want to see this after a hard-fought battle! What a show of respect! Phoenix shakes Sly's hand, then opens the ropes for him. Sly waves Phoenix off, then opens the ropes for him! Phoenix smiles and bows to Sly graciously. Phoenix goes through the ropes, but when he gets on the apron, he opens the ropes for Sly. Sly shakes his head like, "You silly kid," then walks onto the apron. Phoenix raises Sly's hand again on the apron... COLE As these two incredible athletes bond after a great bout, we're going to go to... ...PHOENIX JUST SUPERKICKED SLY OFF OF THE APRON! COACH What the hell just happened? Phoenix drops down to the floor, then goes down on all fours and crawls up to Sly's unconcious body. He whispers in Sly's ear... PHOENIX Who is the star now? Who's the main eventer now? WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE PASSION NOW? Phoenix spits in Sly's face, as a swarm of referees rush to aid Sly. The commentators have gone silent, as Phoenix crawls away backwards. His eyes never leave the mess of humanity that he left at ringside, as he gets to his feet and slowly walks backwards to the locker room. The commentators stay silent, as the final shot before commercial is a close-up of Sly's unconcious face... *COMMERCIAL BREAK*

With Natasha Bedingfield's Pocketful of Sunshine serenading us we fly over Milan's Brera district a an artistic haven with wonderful private private galleries in Via Brera, Via del Carmine and Via Solferino, as well as ideal shopping destinations. We return to the arena with Los Diablos whimsical entrance video, a zany parody of the James Bond films, playing across the cathedral balcony. It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen The male version of COD, minus all the success, prance onto the pink and yellow lit stage bumping and grinding against each other before skipping down the aisle hand and hand. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by MARIACHI… from sunny Cabo San Lucas, one half of the sexist team in AAAAALL of México… MORACCA! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Aw, man. I wish the rumor INS picked up these guys was true. COLE It was. Luckily for them -- and OAOAST officials -- tonight’s event is being held in Milan, Italy, though I’m sure it won’t be long before Los Diablos de Fuego will be allowed back on U.S. soil. COACH Yeah, all they’ll have to do is cross the border. Again. Los Diablos sandwich Michael Buffer in a humorous/disturbing moment. Then an unfamiliar piece of music begins playing. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 Out from the back emerges former Lone Star Gunslinger Jock Mulligan in white short shorts/chaps with red heart emblazoned on crotch and sort of a see through backside with the word “DICK” written across. BUFFER And, ladies and gentlemen, his opponent… from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 232 pounds… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Quite a fashion statement being made by Jock Mulligan. COACH Ahem. Mr. Dick. * DINGDINGDING * The flaming luchador can’t keep his eyes off Jock, absolutely mesmerized by his wild attire. Flattered by the attention Jock takes Moracca’s hand and rubs it all over his chest. * awaked hush, scattered boos * MORACCA Suddenly, Jock pulls Moracca in close and delivers an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP… MORACCA …followed by a CLOTHESLINE FROM LINE!! COACH I don’t know what Mr. Dick calls that, but it’s definitely a shock to the cock. Hey! The Cock Shock. The cover. ONE… TWO… NO! Mr. Dick isn’t through yet. He whips Moracca into the ropes and connects with a beautifully executed standing dropkick. Rather than go for the pin Jock snaps Moracca over and drops the big leg. Talking smack to Moracca he makes the cover. ONE… TWO… NO! For a second time Mr. Dick breaks his own cover and receives an earful from referee Earl Hebner. Jock “accidentally” thumbs Moracca as he scoops him across his shoulders…AND THEN SLAMS HIM DOWN ON BOTH KNEES!!! COLE Oh, a devastating double knee gutbuster. Third time’s the charm? ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" In a sign of good sportsmanship, Jock helps Moracca to his feet and shakes his hand…only to floor him with a forearm smash flush to the face! COLE Hey, come on. That’s uncalled for. COACH You can say that again. I can’t believe Moracca would try to cheap shot Mr. Dick after shaking his hand. What poor sportsmanship on his part. Mariachi steps in, but he too is knocked on his ass courtesy of a forearm. Mr. Dick then grabs both legs and gives Mariachi a HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!! COLE Jock Mulligan just being a dick now. He’s already won the damn match. A big shit-eating grin on his face, Jock exits peacefully after that violent display. COACH Impressive win for Mr. Dick, wouldn't you say? COLE I may not like him anymore, but I certainly respect his in ring ability. Hopefully that we'll be the last of Mister Mulligan tonight! Folks, this TSM Spectacular will return in a few moments! LATER LIFE IN THE FAB LANE MOLLY NERDLY AND THE SICLOPSE TAKE US INSIDE THE HOME OF KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND ***THE MAINEVENT*** TODD CORTEZ VS LANDON MADDIX

With Natasha Bedingfield's Pocketful of Sunshine serenading us we fly over Milan's Brera district a an artistic haven with wonderful private private galleries in Via Brera, Via del Carmine and Via Solferino, as well as ideal shopping destinations. We return to the arena with Los Diablos whimsical entrance video, a zany parody of the James Bond films, playing across the cathedral balcony. It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen The male version of COD, minus all the success, prance onto the pink and yellow lit stage bumping and grinding against each other before skipping down the aisle hand and hand. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by MARIACHI… from sunny Cabo San Lucas, one half of the sexist team in AAAAALL of México… MORACCA! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Aw, man. I wish the rumor INS picked up these guys was true. COLE It was. Luckily for them -- and OAOAST officials -- tonight’s event is being held in Milan, Italy, though I’m sure it won’t be long before Los Diablos de Fuego will be allowed back on U.S. soil. COACH Yeah, all they’ll have to do is cross the border. Again. Los Diablos sandwich Michael Buffer in a humorous/disturbing moment. Then an unfamiliar piece of music begins playing. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 Out from the back emerges former Lone Star Gunslinger Jock Mulligan in white short shorts/chaps with red heart emblazoned on crotch and sort of a see through backside with the word “DICK” written across. BUFFER And, ladies and gentlemen, his opponent… from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 232 pounds… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Quite a fashion statement being made by Jock Mulligan. COACH Ahem. Mr. Dick. * DINGDINGDING * The flaming luchador can’t keep his eyes off Jock, absolutely mesmerized by his wild attire. Flattered by the attention Jock takes Moracca’s hand and rubs it all over his chest. * awaked hush, scattered boos * MORACCA Suddenly, Jock pulls Moracca in close and delivers an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP… MORACCA …followed by a CLOTHESLINE FROM LINE!! COACH I don’t know what Mr. Dick calls that, but it’s definitely a shock to the cock. Hey! The Cock Shock. The cover. ONE… TWO… NO! Mr. Dick isn’t through yet. He whips Moracca into the ropes and connects with a beautifully executed standing dropkick. Rather than go for the pin Jock snaps Moracca over and drops the big leg. Talking smack to Moracca he makes the cover. ONE… TWO… NO! For a second time Mr. Dick breaks his own cover and receives an earful from referee Earl Hebner. Jock “accidentally” thumbs Moracca as he scoops him across his shoulders…AND THEN SLAMS HIM DOWN ON BOTH KNEES!!! COLE Oh, a devastating double knee gutbuster. Third time’s the charm? ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… “MR. DICK” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" In a sign of good sportsmanship, Jock helps Moracca to his feet and shakes his hand…only to floor him with a forearm smash flush to the face! COLE Hey, come on. That’s uncalled for. COACH You can say that again. I can’t believe Moracca would try to cheap shot Mr. Dick after shaking his hand. What poor sportsmanship on his part. Mariachi steps in, but he too is knocked on his ass courtesy of a forearm. Mr. Dick then grabs both legs and gives Mariachi a HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!! COLE Jock Mulligan just being a dick now. He’s already won the damn match. A big shit-eating grin on his face, Jock exits peacefully after that violent display. COACH Impressive win for Mr. Dick, wouldn't you say? COLE I may not like him anymore, but I certainly respect his in ring ability. Hopefully that we'll be the last of Mister Mulligan tonight! Folks, this TSM Spectacular will return in a few moments! LATER LIFE IN THE FAB LANE MOLLY NERDLY AND THE SICLOPSE TAKE US INSIDE THE HOME OF KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN

replaces HD that week. duh! everything should go to...me, PATTY O'GREEN!

Brought to you by American Express Taped: Time is but an error filled construct of man First air date: I'm srsly dudes fuk time raw dog Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan How might Syndicated survive this week without its stalwarts The Christ Air Express and The Beverly Hills Blonds? Two words: Hot dogs. Read on! ***Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont Vs Rescue 911*** Glad to be doing something besides being the repeated victim of Nat Black's attempted murders, Detective Bosley happily began the match for his squad. Sadly he was an immediate weak link. His early attempt to hit the NYPD-DDT was countered into a northern lights suplex by Lamont that nearly earned a three count. After his finisher failure, Bosley was hounded by the fast moving kicks of the dreadlocked superstar. Though, Bosley was able to avoid a scissors kick and transform it into a capture suplex, he had little success following that as Strutter broke up a pinfall with a top rope leg drop. While Cash barked at the referee, the heels double teamed Bosley with a slingshot into a springboard lariat. From there Bosley was worked over by Strutter with a variety of suplexes. Everytime Bosley seemed on the way to staging a comeback, Strutter would shut him down with some type of suplex. After Bosley missed a leaping elbow smash and was countered into belly to belly side suplex, Strutter tagged in Lamont. The Jamaican quickly went to the top for a rare high risk attack. Though his missile dropkick seemed safe enough against the beaten down Bosley, the detective still countered it into a spine buster! With that shocking counter Bosley was finally able to bring his partner into the match. As terrible as Bosley was, Cash was every bit as magnificent. He overtook a charging Strutter with a back body drop, then dealt with Lamont with a spinning powerbomb! Back into picture came Strutter, only be the floored by a Run The Lights (Hart Attack Clothesline). Lamont retired his efforts against Cash but was put down by a Backbrain Wheelkick! At that point, Cash's luck ran out and the Canadian, Strutter, caught him in the back of the head with a high roundhouse kick. But, Bosley was able to pick up where his partner left off and catch the former WDW world champ with the Arrest & Trial (Brainbuster into Rear Naked Choke)! But, right as Strutter was ready to submit (upset of the year!), Lamont pulled Bosley away and crushed him with the O.C. Driver (Sitout front suplex) for a pinfall! WOOWWWWW sez Flavor Flav. Winners: Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont via pinfall During the commercial we saw a preview for the Look Of Love uncut reunion show on VH1 this Sunday at 9/8 central. Bringing back every cast member besides Shyanne, who's currently awaiting an assignment of a public defender, the show looks back on the rowdy premier season, and even shows never before seen racy footage like a naked Tony Tourettes wrestling a Koala at the LA zoo, Montana Nerdly's ex-girlfriend calling in a bomb threat on the house, Mindy Nerdly's outrageous pole dancing destroying thousands of dollars worth of antique potery, and Shyanne and Krista being on hand for a DEA drug bust in south central! Maybe one day I'll tell you kids who won! After the commercial break, we were shown the exciting sights of the arena parking garage, where Bosley and Cash were despairing over their crushing defeat. Cash was rather optimistic, telling his good friend that they'll be certain to gain a victory next match. Bosley scoffed at such an assertion and commented that he didn't know how that was possible if Cash didn't start “pulling his weight around here.” Bosley walked off, leaving Cash to ponder what match Bosley just watched! Amazingly down 2-0 in her friendly best of five series with Jessica Jobbs, Widow must've been eager to get back on the winning track and avoid a humiliating sweep. However, Widow's desire to right her wrongs wasn't fulfilled this week, as she wasn't scheduled to face Jobbs. Instead she was Tony Branningan's guest at the interview stage. Branningan commented that while Widow has all the talent in the world, it means nothing if she fails to execute it. His question to her was does she think she failed to execute on her tremendous talent. Widow started out by apologizing to her fans, who she felt she had severely let down. However, she would not go as far as to say that her skills had gone to waste being down 2-0, and that merely she had been too focused on a rigid gameplan to claim any victories. Widow reminded us that Jobb's victories, while impressive, weren't clear cut beatings, and that if the breaks had fallen on her side, she'd easily be up 2-0. For whatever reason this prideful proclamation drew out Holly-Wood of all people. As usual with the fire haired vamp, Holly cut right to the point in the most vulgar way possible, claiming that Widow was a “pale faced redneck dumpster slut”, her excuses were “a bunch of crap” and that she sick of hearing Widow “ramble like you're worth jack shit.” Holly said Widow was lucky to even be in the OAOAST, and wouldn't even see screen time if it weren't for who she was sleeping with. Widow understandably took offense to this and challenged Holly to a bout. To which Holly accepted by shoving Widow to the ground. Oh snap sez Flavor Flav! ***Holly-Wood Vs Widow*** After the commercial break, the two hot tempered beauties were battling it out like prize fighters. They traded punches with hellish intensity, each wanting nothing more then to put the other's head into the 6th row. Finally, Holly was able to gain the upperhand with a rake of Widow's eyes. From there she shoved Widow into the corner and pummeled Mrs.Cone's stomach with stomps and shoulder strikes. Eventually she violently pulled Widow out of the corner and lifted her onto her shoulder for a stomach crusher. But Widow slipped free of the hold and countered with a roll up. However, Holly countered the counter with a double stomp onto Widow's sore stomach. The pain continued to worsen for Widow when Logan's better half sling shotted her back into the corner. As a nauseated Widow stumbled towards the center of the ring, Holly bounced off the ropes for a spear, but Widow snuffed that move out with a simple knee lift! Suffering from a serious headache, Holly was forced to once again engage in an exchange of punches with Widow. Holly looked to be in serious trouble when Widow stunned her with a jaw breaker, then flashed her leg forward for a superkick! However, Holly ducked beneath the strike and elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer caught the brunt of the blow. The old man's possible death gave Holly the opportunity she needed to remove a pair of brass knucks from her tattered jeans. But before she could turn around to level Widow, Jobbs appeared on the ring apron, and attempted to wrestle the weapon from Holly's hands. But Jobbs' well meaning efforts proved costly, as the struggle saw Holly's knuck covered hand fly back and smack Widow in the jaw! Jobbs was horrified and sunk down to her knees in shame and shock. Holly, on the other hand, was as thrilled as her typically unemotional state can possibly allow and pinned Widow for an easy victory. Winner:Holly-Wood, via pinfall After the contest, Jobbs apologized profusely for her error. Although Wdiow's mouth spoke of forgiveness, her frowning face betrayed such kindness. Before the break, perennial enhancement talents Scottish Scott and Danny Boy were shown standing at Skye's Portee Harbor on a dreary drizzly day. Wearing makeup that streaked a blue line across their faces, kilts and a brown mesh shirt, the gents decried their countrymen as weak, lazy, and complacent and irrelevant. Sottish Scott and Danny Boy informed the viewers that they were none of those things, they were powerful warriors, and fearless soldiers, a nod to Scotland's past. They called themselves The Last Kings of Scotland, and promised to revolutionize their country. ***D*LUX Vs The Last Kings Of Scotland (Scottish Scott and Danny Boy)*** In an odd effort to attract the attention of a lesbian who doesn't even watch this show, D*LUX anointed this match the official “Yo, Krista rules!” match, and perhaps most odd of all dressed themselves way too similar to Krista, in cut off Kobe jerseys, shimmering blond wigs, and ruffled purple mini skirts. “Kareem just had a heart attack” Jesse cried. Thankfully the youngsters didn't look that ridiculous because Danny Boy and Scott were wearing kilts after all. And so was some of the audience for that matter. Tyler and Shayne seemed more intent on using as many of Krista's signature moves as possible then winning a match, which made for a very, very, awful night for their European foe. One horribly painful incident for Scott came when Tyler decided Krista's version of the side effect the “Blonds Never Pay a Cover “ would look better if he just picked up Scott and dropped him on his head. In typical Krista fashion, the teenyboppers would strike poses, and taunts after big moves; brushing their hair, checking their non existent makeup, singing a few songs from the soundtrack of Almost Famous, etc. Finally D*LUX put away their foes with the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya honey (Reverse x-factor)! Unfortunately, their post match imitation of Krista's love for a fine beer or two or three or four or five or six, led to some near vomiting. Stick to sunny delight, kids! Winner: D*LUX, via pinfall ***Jamie O'Hara Vs Uno W/Dos*** In a bit of terrible strategy, Uno attempted to match the high flying talents of O'Hara. Unfortunately his lack of any noticeable wrestling talent meant this was destined to be a brutal failure. While he managed a few victory rolls and sunset flips early on, once O'Hara began throwing out waves of spring board attacks Uno was put on the fast track to defeat. Even Dos' effort to perform the old switcharoo was useless and O'Hara took out both Conquistadors with the Blaze Out 630! YA BOYYYYY sez Flavor Flav Winner: Jamie O'Hara via pinfall. Tired of having syndicated be derided as a deviant, socially destructive commentary of a decaying society, the OAOAST decided to lend a much needed touch of class to its maligned program by staging the OAOAST's first ever hotdog eating contest... ***Hot Dog Eating Contest: Jumbo Vs Deuce Deuce*** Gathered in the ring were several other superstars with nothing better to do then watch two hideous lard asses chew themselves into an early demise. Their focus rested on tag team partners Deuce Deuce and Jumbo both clad in bibs that read “The real hot dog's down there”. See? Class. Tony Schiavone announced the rather simplistic rules of the contest, whoever ate the most hot dogs within three minutes, or whoever didn't have a stomach ulcer, would be declared the winner and would receive a free stomach pumping courtesy of The Love Doctors. Without further adieu we began to spiral America further and further into the pits of hell. Jumbo and Deuce ate ferociously, scarfing down the food as though their life depended on it. And with a free stomach pumping on the line, I'm pretty sure their life did depend on it. As the buzzer blared the end of the contest, shocked gasps from the spectators revealed that these juggernauts of high cholesterol, had gorged their way into a gluttonous deadlock. Murmurs of speculation went up across the area, as people wondered how this stunning tie might be broken. Unfortunately, complications as unforeseen as the tie arose, the freakish pigs had gobbled up all the hot dogs! Though dejected, the audience was ready to call it a battle well fought, and leave to contemplate the OAOAST's role in the continued destruction of western civilization. That was until the booming Chicago accent of Jumbo froze them in place. The beast of blubber stated that a competition between men of as honorable reckoning as them must see a winner. And so he declared an overtime rap battle!!! Thankfully James Riggs had an instrumental of Nas' one mic on the Ipod and gave us a beat.... "One Mic" should you need to hear it JUMBO Ayo All I need is one bite, one teeth,one day One man, Bacon cheeseburger with one lays Only if I had one cook. One chef, just one, sure One hoodrat, to make sure the sugar in my kool aid was pure Redder than some chicken blood. Mixed with one side of greens, Shit for that I'd probably kiss a thug My ritual. Chop food up make it spiritual My plates gorgeous, its poetic plus so lyrical Say watch your weight? Man, I ain't hearing you Buffet got rules? That's something I'm not adhering to With my gut I got up To get another plate Manager runs up, trying to get all in my face I said boss, watch out. You're vi-olating my space Let me get my food, before I destroy this place (SCREAMING) This is my stomach, Ima eat til the death of me Now boss you need to move on While Jumbo still calm look dude, I'm not wasting no food You'll throw it out at the end So theres no need for you to be crude In this world with thin standards rich folks fly on coptors Taking trips to liposuction getting skinny with doctors if you really think you ready to dine With knives out This is what Jumbo about Man dinner is now As Deuce and Jumbo rap the gathered superstars threw their hands in the air and waved them as if they had no concern for the repercussions or consequences of their actions. DEUCE Look back, at all the kids who made fun of me. Fuck all of them John Candy died at age 600 pounds Rip If he was still here. Me and fat ass could go boogie down That means if we was walking we'd put holes in the ground my penis on the milk carton Shit nowhere to be found Deuce gonna crave all the times But all my meals get interrupted, bitch telling me diet some time Got too much back hair kids roll up, thinking that I'm a bear Shit, my heart is racing I smell some ham in the air (SCREAMING) I sipped the diet coke, too many years, too many times Now I just inject bacon grease I'm finally reaching my prime (louder) If you can smell food through a ziplock You good, put that shit in a lip lock Do more than just hold it Squeeze the bag until the shit pop Its nothing in our way I bite You bite I chew You chew I'm finished and still fuckin' hungry Whats about you? Time to take the waitress to war Lie the whore down and rush the kitchen get the booty My dinner time is now JUMBO All i need is one fry, one sprite One sip from one can What I stand for speaks for itself They don't understand, don't wanna see me on top They insignificant Talkin all that slick stuff cause my waist size is infinite (voice softens) To late to tell fables, I'm laughing, cuz I'm a fat bastard Thought i wouldn't eat that spoiled meat? Fooled you bastards How you cite the Iraq plight? Stupid dudes beefing War got deep, i said fuck that I'm eating Dining with thick broads Knifing up that steak like I'm behind prison walls Where does it start? Knew my habit was bad as a youngster Every night moms was giving me dinner still I was eating out Wendy's dumpsters Packets of Ketchup and mustard Church shirt was stained Nutritionists throwing diets at my game Jealous cause every day I eat burger kang bitches left me cause they thought I would eat em yeah it was true I let them leave My hunger deserve freedom A1 sauce will blind ya I never make the same mistake Never order just one steak I need like six. See now the king is straight. (sissy whisper) Swelling my belly because all of these fats hydrogenated Can't name a restaurant Jumbo ain't dominated This is crazy I'm on the right path, a winner is found At a new buffet Dinner time is now All i need is one bite one bite....... All i need is one bite one bite...... All i need is one bite one bite...... All i need is one bite one bite....... There was a sudden swelling of applause that built into a thunderous ovation that hailed the victory of both Jumbo and Deuce. However, celebration for the two combatants was painfully short lived, due to the unwelcome interference of Faqu and James Blonde. Faqu effortlessly mowed through Deuce with a Thrust Kick As Deuce went down, his partner sprung (err waddled) into action and begin pumping punches into Faqu's noggin. These blows did nothing but further enrage the Samoan, and he sent Jumbo tumbling to the ground with a headbutt. While the wiser superstars scattered for safety, the more brave ones attempted to challenge the savage. Los Diablos for instance, attempted to subdue Faqu with repeated shots from the serving trays. Faqu's response was swift and brutal; swatting away both Mexicans with a single swipe of his hand. Spanish Fly staged a grand effort to bring down Faqu, leaping from the top rope, and landing on his expansive shoulders. But Fly never stood a chance of bringing Faqu down, and was flung forward over the ropes. Liberty, Freedom, and a recovered Jumbo charged the beast. But, Faqu immediately seized Freedom and used the man as living bat in which to pummel the other two, sending Freedom crashing through tables and chairs. An approaching security guard was flung high helpless as a doll and sailed the full length of the arena before his body smashed limply against the ringposts. The show faded to black with Faqu obliterating any security guards that were foolish enough to test him, and James Blonde broadly smiling in the background. Faqu is a bad dude is he not?

ay yo first off swag don't adhere to age of consent. authentic dialouge, b. ask my mans rocket roger how he gets down. second off, change of plans, the show is being posted by me so make sure any and everything is in my inbox. but I won't put the show up until friday, because i gotta merk dudes in GTA all week.

Glasgow, Scotland! Home of...stuff. Haggis? Bag pipes? this dude???? From the SECC (Scottish Exhibition + Conference Centre)

"This may sound unusual but sir If you have a girlfriend I'm more prettier than her" more vid.games: alf, which koopa kid is that in your avatar?

COLE In two weeks time we'll be in Milan Italy, for the latest of our 'Spectacular' events broadcast live on TSM. And just added to the card for that event, a match for the OAOAST Women's Championship, Coach. COACH That's right. It's about time The Enterprise got back in the gold rush and you know, The Coach is straight down the line a man's man through and through, but sometimes you've gotta look to a woman to lead by example. A strong woman. And Mackenzie DeCenzo, she's gonna lead by example by taking the women's title away from the teenage girl Maggie Nerdly. COLE It'll be Maggie versus Mackenzie in Milan, Women's Title on the line. Mackenzie has been on the warpath ever since she was humiliated at AngleMania by COD and she's looking to take it out on the Champ. That should be a fiery battle, no doubt. (Ed Note: Shit, I hope my 'M' key doesn't break between now and then) "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche hits and it's go time again in the number one contendership tournament. Head down, Todd Cortez marches out and right towards the ring in a state of complete focus. His pyro goes off far behind him, already way past his cue. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is a semi-final match in the number one contenders tournament, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional! He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez slides into the ring and removes his bulletproof vest and gold chain, kissing the cross before handing it to the outside. COLE Nathaniel Black awaiting the winner, next week in Glasgow, Scotland. Will we be seeing an all Cucaracha Internacional final? COACH Well that man right there better be hoping so. He's still got a lot of ground to make up and a lot of wrongs to be righted as far as Landon Maddix goes, so what better way to redeem himself than to guarantee somebody from CI is going to the School's Out main event? COLE Cortez isn't doing this for Landon, I can guarantee you. The question is, where do Landon's allegiances lie if we end up with Cortez and Black in the final? COACH I would have thought that'd be obvious. As Cortez watches on, the camera cuts back to the entrance way just as the drums kick in on "Rock The Casbah". The Barcelona crowd erupt as Leon Rodez spins through the entrance way with a beaming smile. Shooting a finger to the sky, Rodez then begins to jig his way on down the aisle, tagging hands with his left. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE NEW-AGE LOVE MACHINE"... "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, this is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH How many nicknames does one guy need? Leon jumps to the apron and holds his hands out to the crowd, bowing as another cheer goes up. Not impressed with the showmanship, Cortez watches his opponent from across the ring with a scowl as he makes his way in and works the turnbuckles. COLE What a showing this man put in one week ago, coming out on top in a true battle with Christian Wright. And after that performance, many people are tipping Leon to finally reach the promised land, after years of missed opportunities as far as challenging for the World Title goes. With the robe off and the music cut, Leon finds himself face to face one more time with the man who almost put him out of wrestling a year and a half-ish ago. Despite that personal business being taken care of in the past, there's still a tense look between the two. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COACH Hmm... I don't see this 'leon' in this Spanish dictionary. What are they saying? COLE We really need to look into the way your IQ goes up and down during these shows. That and your urbanness. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and Cortez wastes no time what-so-ever as he runs at Rodez with a boot. Rodez falls into the corner and Cortez stomps him in the gut a couple more times, before hauling him out and pulling him into a standing headscissors, wrapping the ar... ...NO! Sensing the Riot Act coming, Leon bottoms out and scrambles backwards under the bottom rope. COLE Woah! No more than 10 seconds in and Cortez goes for the kill! COACH Leon knows all about what that Riot Act Plus can do too. Halfway in and halfway out of the ring, Leon takes a moment to get his head straight after that close-call. Cortez crouches down and shows little emotion as he waits for Rodez to come back at him. Pulling himself up, it's clear Cortez is under Leon's skin a little, the Silky Smooth One walking around the ring composing himself before the two lock-up. Leon grabs a side headlock, but is pushed off into the ropes. Shoulder block and down goes Cortez. Off the ropes goes Leon again, forced up and over by a dropdown. Cortez tries to scoop Leon up for a slam on the way back but Leon floats behind, spinning Cortez around and tripping him up for the Liontamer... but Cortez quickly lands a kick to the side of the head from his prone position and away staggers Rodez holding his neck. Cortez is quickly back up, catching up to Leon and pulling him over with a German Suplex, with a bridge... 1... 2... No! Cortez is right back to the neck with a front facelock. Pulling Leon up, he sets the Grand Rapids Golden Child up looking for a suplex. Up and over the back goes Leon again however, spinning Cortez around. This time Todd is ready for that and goes with the momentum on a roundhouse kick... BLOCKED! Getting his forearms up to block his head, Leon blocks the kick and goes to the knee with a low dropkick! COLE Smart move, going after the legs which are Cortez's most dangerous weapons. Sportingly, Leon allows the time towards his opponent to work out the knee and pull himself back up. Cortez has a noticable limp now and perhaps just as importantly is a little more cautious all of a sudden. COLE We saw Leon's knee put to the test by Christian Wright last week. But the tables have turned tonight. COACH For now. If Cortez is smart, he's gonna go for that leg at some point. And by 'smart', I mean 'listening to Landon and Megan's advice', of course. The two combatants find themselves slowed right down now, each wary to make the first move. After a few seconds of circling and thinking, it's Cortez who makes the first move as he goes behind into a waistlock. Leon drops and rolls to throw Cortez off and they both pace again. Moving cautiously, Cortez tries to pick his spot, before eventually throwing one of his kicks... but he gets blocked and caught with a Dragon Screw takedown! Again Leon backs off with his opponent on the mat, giving Cortez chance to think about the pain in his knee right about now. He pulls himself back up, moving over to the ropes to give himself a second. COLE Very tentative stuff right about now. Neither of these two wants to make a mistake, with the stakes so high! Cortez and Rodez lock up again and a single leg trip manages to take Cortez down. Avoiding the grab of the leg, Cortez rolls back to his feet, going to the midsection with an elbow. Cortez then snapmares Leon over and lines up the back for a HARD kick! Hard enough to leave both men in pain, Leon holding his back while Cortez regrets using his right leg. Shaking out the pain, Todd follows Leon into a corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and connect with a hard knifedge. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second. Irish whip is reversed though and it's Cortez who goes turnbuckle to turnbuckle, Leon following in behind and taking off with the Superman Spear! Out staggers Cortez, into a legsweep and a lateral press... 1... Kickout! Side headlock applied by Leon. Just as The Silky Smooth One begins to get comfortable however, he suddenly finds himself in trouble. Cortez tucks in the right leg and executes a Kneebreaker on the surgically repaired knee! COACH Well, what do you know. Maybe Cortez does have some sense after all! Cortez hobbles a little but it's Leon who's really feeling the pain as he lays on the canvas clutching at his knee. Showing none of his opponent's compassion, Todd swats his hands away to get a free stomp at the knee! And another! Away crawls Leon in search of the ropes, but Cortez drags him back and drops an elbow to the inside of the knee, pulling up on a leglock. COLE Wright worked extensively on that knee last week and whatever healing process took place over the last 7 days, it's all for nought now. COACH And Cortez isn't standing back like our resident nice guy, Leon, is he? Still close enough to the ropes, Rodez is able to reach out and grab the bottom rope to force a break. Cortez breaks clean, but stays right on Rodez as he pulls him from the ropes again and drops another elbow. Looking to avoid the leglock Leon pulls in his free leg and traps Todd in a bodyscissors, clubbing him in the back with some forearms. But Cortez fires back with some right hands to the kneecap until he's fought Leon off, standing back up and crushing the leg with a Double Stomp! Cortez follows up with a cover... 1... Quick kickout though, as Leon again tries to roll away. Cortez follows Rodez into the ropes, firing off a kick to the ribs as he gets to one knee. Picking the leg, Cortez then drags Leon away from the ropes back into the centre of the ring. Soon wishing he hadn't though, as Leon catches him by surprise with a prawn hold... 1... 2... Kickout. In moves Cortez... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...but right into a chop! As Cortez rocks back on his heels, Rodez takes his chance and throws a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... ...but he MISSES the Enziguri! Leon's knee bounces off the canvas and Cortez spots it, catching Leon as he rolls over in pain, squashing with a Standing Moonsault... 1... 2... No! Pulling Rodez to his feet, Cortez lays into the back of the knee with a quick kick. Leon barely stays on his feet. He's aided by Todd however, The Urban Legend positioning his opponent and sending him into the ropes before hitting the side, setting up the Hollow Point! The bad knee helps Leon this time though as he barely makes the ropes upright and falls into them instead of rebounding back. Cortez ends up slowing to a stop and turns to run at Rodez again. A backdrop sends him up and over to the apron. Landing safely, Cortez waits for Leon to turn and throws a roundhouse from the apron. Leon manages to block it though! Leon then bends Cortez backwards over the ropes, preparing to lower the boom. Reaching back, Cortez manages to grab a hold of the head though and falls forward, snapmaring Leon all the way up over the top and out to the floor with a thud! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ooh, right down on the knee! COACH And all the bodyweight came crumbling down on top. It could be over just like that. Ending up in a heap against the barricade, Leon howls in pain and grabs his knee which draws the referee out of the ring to check he's okay. Cortez sits on the apron and watches on stoicly. COLE For the second time in two weeks, Leon is in a bad way on the floor with his number one contender dreams in serious jeopardy! Can he recover as he did last week? We'll find out, when we come back! *COMMERCIAL* When we return to HeldDOWN~!, we find the action back in the ring and all going Todd Cortez's way, as The Urban Legend pulls back on a halfcrab. Leon's hands are clasped over his face in pain, with the Barcelona crowd making serious noise to try and will him on. COLE We are back and we might be seconds away from seeing Todd Cortez get a submission! Cortez twists at the knee to add some pressure as Leon slumps down, unable to keep up on his hands any longer. Referee Mike Chioda asks if he wants to give it up, but the signal to the timekeeper is a 'no' for now. The support continues on in the arena. And suddenly it seems to work again, as Leon pushes back up! Teeth gritted, Rodez sees the ropes in front of him and claws himself across the canvas with Cortez struggling to hold him in place. Leon inches closer and closer to the rope and with Cortez losing his leverage, he reaches out... AND MAKES IT!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Releasing the hold almost straight away, Cortez stomps the back of the knee a couple of times before picking Rodez back up. A European uppercut hangs him up over the ropes. Cortez then takes a step back and cracks him in the chest with a hard kick! Leon stumbles forward and Cortez quickly exits the ring, springboarding to the top and catching Rodez in the back of the head with a Springboard Dropkick before he can turn around!! COLE Didn't see it coming! Lurching forward, Leon is pulled from the ropes and covered with a hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Cortez pulls himself back up and limps to a corner before encouraging Leon back to his feet. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" A little unhelpfully the crowd do the same and Leon reaches out, using the ropes to help him up. Spinning away from them, he then walks right into Cortez's path... CRESCENT KIC... NO, CAUGHT! Catching the foot, Leon quickly pulls Cortez in, looking for an Exploder... but his knee gives in and it allows Cortez to elbow his way free. With a shove in the back, Cortez sends Rodez chest first into the ropes. And when they bounce him back, Todd is on the move and drilling through Rodez's side with the HOLLOW POOOOOOOOIIIIIIINNTT!!~!!1! Period. And cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COACH Go back after the knee already, genius! See, this is why he needs Landon with him, he's got some raw ability but he ain't too bright. COLE Oh please. I'm guessing Landon's now getting all of Popick's leftover mindless devotion now? COACH Maybe. Cortez hooks up a front facelock and sets Leon up, hitting a DDT. He hooks the leg again... 1... 2... No! Leon crawls towards the ropes, but is caught by the back of the singlet and dragged back in by The Urban Legend. Cortez goes to the kidney area with a quick knee and seeing his chance, he looks to pull Leon in for the Riot Act... but a quick backdrop takes him over! Hanging on, Cortez manages to pull Leon down for a sunset flip, only for Leon to roll through, stacking Cortez up on his shoulders for a pin. Cortez rolls backwards through that though and crawls out through the legs, bringing the right leg with him in the form of an Anklelock! That doesn't last long however, before Leon pushes up on his hands and tumbles forward, the momentum sending Cortez falling throat-first across the middle rope! No jig neccessary, as Leon hobbles off the ropes as quickly as his one good leg will carry him and drives all of his bodyweight into the lower spine of Cortez! COLE Call That Bitch a one-legged Bojangles! Not getting a lot of impact, Leon makes doubley sure as he jumps onto Cortez's back a second time from close range. As he pulls himself off the ropes, Cortez then staggers backwards and is lifted up for the Blue Thunder... but Leon's knee gives out again and Cortez winds up landing on top of the crumbling Rodez... 1... 2... NO!! Cortez measures Rodez as both men get back up. Quickly getting his feet underneath him, Cortez picks Rodez up in a side waistlock, pancaking him to the canvas before going after the leg again. Leon has enough wits about him to turn over though, pushing Cortez away with both feet. COLE This is turning into another gruelling match here, with that never-say-die spirit of Leon Rodez! Rolling through to his feet, Cortez charges. Rodez manages to shuffle out of the way with a sidestep and Cortez attempts to go up and over in the corner. But he gets caught coming down! Keeping hold of the ropes, Leon catches Cortez on his back and makes sure his knee is under him properly before hobbling out and hitting the Backpack Stunner! BANANA HAMMOCK! Leaning back, Leon forces Cortez's shoulders down with the back of his head... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Almost had him! Leon's knee just about held out on that move, but not enough to put Todd Cortez away. Assisted by the ropes, Leon gets back to his feet first. Cortez isn't too far behind him though and has enough in him to make another charge in the corner. Leon manages to get a knee up to block, that being the right knee which leaves both men hurting again. Shunning the pain, Rodez leads Todd quickly back up however, placing him in the corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...for a chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Another one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third! With Cortez penned in, Leon then grabs Cortez's right leg and hangs his knee over the middle rope, looking to work on the knee himself some more from earlier. A quick shift from Cortez allows him to push up off the top rope though, catching Leon with a thrust kick with his left leg! On the middle rope, Cortez then hooks up the head, looking for a Tornado DDT... NO! Leon throws him off! Landing on his feet, Todd charges in... and gets jarred with an Inverted Atomic Drop! COLE That may not have been the best move. Leon ends up jarring his own knee delivering the move though, giving Cortez time to shake it off. When he does, he's quick to return the favour, as he scoops up Leon and delivers the Crotch Droppah! Leon digs down deep though and blocks out the pain, picking Cortez up and hitting him with an Inverted Atomic Drop in re-return! Still up is Cortez though and he scoops Leon up again... Crotch Droppah... a second Crotch Droppah... and a THIRD CROTCH DROPPAH, before peeling Leon off the knee again and lifting him up for a Sitout Spinebuste... NO! Leon floats over the back, pulling Cortez over with him and coming out of the sunset roll-up with the legs hooked for the LIONTAMER!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Submission hold applied! And the tables have been turned on Todd Cortez!! Sitting back, Rodez pulls back on the crab and Cortez is the one showing the pain on his face now. Leon struggles to get his knee in the back though and can't get the hold fully applied as usual. It's still painful enough as is for Cortez's liking though as he tries to crawl for the ropes straight away. COLE I don't know where Leon's getting this from! COACH Me neither. Taking that many atomic drops and coming out still standing? The legends must be true! COLE I'm not quite sure what you're implying but I don't think now is the time to discuss it either. Leon pins the knee down just as Cortez starts to get moving and a cheer goes up from the Barcelona crowd as it looks like The Urban Legend may now be 'Tamed. Cortez has his supporters in the crowd himself though and he gets some encouragement of his own. Grimacing in pain, Cortez makes another effort to reach the ropes as he starts to drag Leon's 218 pounds along towards the ropes. Rodez tries to sit back again, but still Cortez crawls, with determination and sheer grit as he begins to gradually get nearer and nearer to the ropes. Realising this may be his best chance, Leon pulls back on the legs further still and lets out a shout as his own knee is tested. The shout turns into a dissapointed groan though, as Cortez GRABS THE ROPES!! "YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH - BOOOO!" Letting Cortez go, Leon falls exhaustedly into the ropes himself and Chioda steps in to get them seperated. COLE This is what this number one contender's tournament means. This is what the OAOAST World Title means. Two men right on the cusp of being a true main-event player, giving it their all here tonight! Limping into the centre of the ring, Leon waits for Cortez to pull himself up and charges at him. Well, 'charges' as best possible on one good leg. Which isn't great, giving Todd time to block with a back elbow. Leon staggers backwards and Cortez follows, grabbing him by the throat! Leon manages to swat the goozle away though, before connecting with his own back elbow. Again Cortez moves in, but he walks right into a scoop and a slam, planting him right by the turnbuckles! COLE Leon could be thinking 450 here! COACH No way he should go for this in his condition COLE Well we thought that last week and it worked out then. The Silky Smooth One clearly has his doubts, but slaps his leg a couple of times as if trying to get it to comply, then ducks out of the ri... NO! Cortez reaches out and grabs the ankle with Leon halfway out! Ducking back inside, Leon fights Cortez off and picks him up, connecting with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss... *SMACK!* ...and this time connecting with the enziguri on The Urban Legend! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! After a moment to nurse the leg, Leon turns Cortez over and hooks the far leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Leon doesn't hang about to argue the 2 count and ducks back out to the apron, heading up to the top. With Cortez in a good enough position he drags himself, bad leg and all, to the top and gives the signal for the '450'. A careful job of standing with the bad leg later and Leon is up, hovering over Cortez and tumbling with the 450 SPLASH... ...NOBODY HOME!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH See! Big mistake right there! Rodez comes down on a combination of chest and knees and stays the heck down as well. Pulling himself up in the corner, Cortez waits for Rodez to stand, positioning himself in front of the Silky Smooth One... and timing his Roundhouse Kick to perfection at the third time of asking!! COACH There's the knockout! Hook of the leg by Cortez... 1... 2... 3- SHOULDER UP!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Whu-!? COLE Only a two count! That was nothing but instinct in that kickout though! Cortez climbs right back up and if looks could kill, then Rodez would be in some serious trouble. As it is, he still might be, as Cortez extends a hand over his head. Slowly to his feet, Leon hobbles right into the goozle, ready for the Urban Assault. Leon still has some fight left though and connects with a back elbow! And a second! Leon then goes for an elbow from the left side, but Cortez ducks it, setting up a back suplex. Up and over floats Leon... but as he lands on his feet, his right leg buckles underneath him! COLE Another bad landing. As soon as Leon feels the knee go and he doubles over to nurse it, Cortez quickly pounces. He pulls him into a standing headscissors and takes off, pulling Rodez up and over with him WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!1!~1!!!1!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE That sudden! Riot Act Plus! Cortez crawls over and turns Leon onto his back, hooking the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And nobody kicks out after the Riot Act! What a match! "Oh No" kicks in as Cortez rolls off of Leon with a sense of relief. Cortez's arm is quickly raised in victory, barely acknowledged by The Urban Legend who looks down at Leon. Impressed, perhaps. BUFFER Your winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the number one contendership tournament... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TODD CCOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEZZZZZZZ!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The Barcelona crowd cheer as much both men for their efforts as the result, Cortez feeling the effects. Wearily he climbs the turnbuckles and raises his arms victoriously, while referee Chioda checks on Leon. COLE A great effort from both of these two men. No shame in defeat for Leon here. But it's Todd Cortez who next week will compete against his fellow Cucaracha Internacional member, Nathaniel Black, for the right to face Tha Puerto Rican at School's Out for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And what a showdown that promises to be as well. Cortez climbs down from the turnbuckles and walks over to Leon... ...as we cut away, backstage, to where the other members of Cucaracha Internacional are watching this in their locker room. With a big grin on his face, Landon Maddix places a hand on Nathaniel Black's shoulder, the Brit with arms folded but a wry smile on his face as well. MADDIX Congratulations, 'mate'. FADE OUT AND LET ME GO TO SLEEP!