Patty O'Green

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory returns is back again, mainly because I have no idea of any songs about Spain. I'll tell you a spanish dude who was cool as shit tho? Vega. From SF2. Dude was thoro with it. Here's some dope knowledge, in the Jap version of SF2 Vega is actually M.Bison's name. And M.Bison's name belongs to Balrog. Balrog's name belongs to Vega. Uh, video game history aside here's the logo... And here comes the hardest working commentary team in parody e-fedding, Double C! COLE Folks, the OAOAST continues to set Europe on fire with the hottest ticket in the Western Hemisphere, HeldDOWN! Paris was the last city to be engulfed by the flames and now its Barcelona who gets to see the smoking hot action of the OAOAST. But you settle into your couch and get comfortable because myself and Da Coach have two hours of sports entertainment at its craziest on store for you! BUFFER Señoras y caballeros... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... ¡¡¡¡MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" A thunderous reception goes up as the conquering hero has returned to his homeland, or at least his country of origin... I think. He's half and half. But half of those two halves is Spanish. That's why he's being cheered, that's what I'm getting at here. Beaming smile on his face, Landon soaks in the adulation of the fans, dusting off his Spanish football tracksuit top. Megan joins in the applause from around the arena and it looks like Landon might take up the rest of the show taking in the cheers, before finally he starts to head for the ring, arm in arm with Megan. COLE What a reaction! COACH Landon's finally come home and don't these people just love it? As Landon approaches the ring, we see a young wrestler already in the ring in some non-descript wrestling tights. The youngster is applauding too as Landon walks up the ring steps, blowing elaborate kisses out into the audience. Maddix feels so froggy that he vaults into the ring over the top before spinning into the centre with arms outstretched. "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" Landon takes the microphone and calls for some quiet, not too convincingly. His ego gets another few seconds before finally the Barcelona crowd quietens down a little, allowing Landon to speak. MADDIX Olá, olá! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH OLÉ! MADDIX Ah, it's good to be home... well, second home home... but, nonetheless, outside of South Dakota and Madrid, there are few places in the world I'd rather be than Barcelona. So, thank you. Thank you for the wonderful reception. Bueno! COLE You'd think Landon'd be speaking in Spanish, since we're in Spain and all. COACH He said bueno. Give him a break. MADDIX Now, I could stand here all day and let you all applaud me. And, let's face it, that would be completely justified. But, tonight I'm not out here to meet and greet. It's been a lifetime of waiting to compete here in the country of my mother's birth and that's what's gonna happen, because I'm out here to continue the Cucaracha Internacional European scouting tour. We're going to let one of your natives take the first step towards trying to follow in my illustrious footsteps. Viva Espagna, and all that. So, if we can get somebody ou... Megan taps Landon on the shoulder, pointing to the youngster across the ring. MADDIX Oh. Yes. Sorry, I assumed you were one of the ring crew. Ouch. MADDIX Not important. Okay, let's get the formalities out of the way and... look at you, huh? You're shaking in your boots aren't ya! C'mon, don't be nervous. We're all friends here. We're all compadrés. (wraps an arm round the youngster's shoulders) You're a pretty big fan of La Cucaracha, aren't you? Go ahead, you can admit. The youngster nods and Landon shrugs his shoulders, mouthing the words "thought as much" to Megan. MADDIX Well this is obviously going to be an honour for you, that goes without saying. I'm sure you're itching to get that bell rung, but first, go ahead and tell the world your name and all that jazz. GARCÍA Uh... Me llamo Alfonso García... y yo soy de BARCELONA!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Gee, what a surprise. Okay then kid, as a fellow Spaniard I wish you the best of luck. Let's have a good clean match and to that end, a nice clean handshake to start us off. Landon shakes the nervous García's hand and heads to his corner to another round of applause. Megan has a few last words with Landon while he psyches himself up, the fans buzzing in the background as they wait to see their half-countryman in action. As soon as Landon removes his track jacket however, we see he's wearing his personalised REAL MADRID jersey and the national support suddenly turns into NUCLEAR heat! COACH Haha! COLE Only Landon Maddix could return to his country of birth for the first time and almost cause a riot. Looking surprised at the turn of opinion, Landon shrugs his shoulders, reminding everybody that his team are top of La Liga and their's aren't. Which, 'surprisingly', doesn't win them over. Landon just shrugs again and removes the Real shirt, passing it carefully to the outside and going through some last minute stretches. Firing himself up, Maddix is finally ready and moves out of his corner, ready to go... ...but just as the referee goes to call for the bell, Landon suddenly has second thoughts. He hurriedly stops the match from starting and calls for a microphone, shaking his head. MADDIX Woah woah woah. I'm sorry, stop... oh, man, am I an idiot sometimes or what? This can't happen! COLE What's he talking about. Slapping his own forehead, Landon laughs to himself. MADDIX What am I doing? Here I am embarking on this European scouting tour, looking for new bases for Cucaracha Internacional and I don't know, I guess I just got caught up in the excitement of everything going on this week and lost my concentration momentarily. But... Cucaracha Internacional... we're already got a Spanish wrestler! The greatest Spanish wrestler in the world as a matter of fact! Ever! I mean, granted, I am only half-Spanish. It just wouldn't be fair on you to live in that shadow for your entire tenure under me. No. I'm sorry, but, we're gonna have to call this thing off. García looks a little disappointed. Shrugging, Landon looks apologetic as he walks over and places a hand on his fellow Spaniard's shoulder. MADDIX Look, I don't want to have you come out here and not have a match. That wouldn't be fair on you, knowing how much you were looking forward to facing Spain's most successful athlete. How about we find you someone else to face instead, huh? It won't be for a place in Cucaracha Internacional, but you'll get to compete in your hometown on worldwide TV at least. Would that be okay? GARCÍA Sí. MADDIX Sí? Sí. Espléndido. Landon pats the youngster on the shoulder again and turns to the entrance way. MADDIX Okay, uhm... anyone back there watching and listening, if somebody could come down and give this fine young caballero a match, please, that'd be great. Anybody at all. Landon says that last part a little too insistently, which seems to unnerve the youngster... ...and rightfully so, as "King Kong" by L A Symphony begins to play! García's eyes widen, as Landon's mouth curves into a sick smile at the appearance of FAQU on the entrance way!! COLE Oh no. The Samoan Wrecking Ball rambles crazily in his native Samoan tongue as he makes his way to the ring, the fans lining the aisle too scared to even reach out and slap him on the back. Up the steps he pounds, his footsteps echoing off the steel like something out of a horror movie. Especially if you're in García's shoes, the young Spaniard looking petrified as Landon holds the ropes open for Faqu and whispers something in his ear before leaving the ring. COLE Now you're telling me this is all a coincidence? That Landon just happened to duck out of this match and Faqu just happened to be the guy waiting to replace him? COACH You heard what he said. He can't in all good conscience add another Spaniard to Cucaracha Internacional, so he'd be giving this kid false hope by wrestling him. COLE But it's okay to feed him to Faqu? COACH Eh, he's from Barcelona not Madrid, so who really cares? Obviously not Landon, as he takes up a position next to Megan on the outside to watch. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell rings and right out of the traps charges Faqu, turning García INSIDE OUT with a clothesline!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Landon winces at his fellow countryman's pain, remarking casually to Megan that that "had to hurt a little". Beating his chest, Faqu stalks around the local talent's body, waiting for him to show some signs of life. The moment García begins to push himself up, he's then grabbed by Faqu and hauled back to his feet. An open handed slap to the chest knocks García on his nalgas, but he's picked right back up. Knifedge chop and down goes García again. COLE Faqu just having his way with this unsuspecting youngster. And look at Maddix out there, grinning his damn head off! Pulled up once again, García is spun around by Faqu, caught in a waistlock... and dropped on his head with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex!! The Spaniard ends up in a heap next to the other Spaniard, La Cucaracha, stepping back with his hands up innocently showing everyone that he's not getting involved. Instead, he gives Faqu a thumbs up, which Faqu very primatively nods at. COACH Yes! Good job, good job! COLE You know, we really need to get to the bottom of what's happened to Faqu. The de-humanising of Faqu almost. COACH One of life's great mysteries. Let's leave it at that. Faqu drags García away from the ropes by his ankle and stomps him in the shoulder. Another stomp, before dragging García around again and this time depositing him in the corner with his head propped on the bottom turnbuckle. Faqu backs across the ring and with the young Spaniard motionless, he charges... FAQU SAMOAAAAAAAAaaaaaa... ...and DRIVES his backside face-first at full speed into García's face!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cutting a thumb across his throat, Faqu bundles García right back to his feet again. Barely able to stand upright anyway García is doubled over and double underhooked, Faqu lifting him off the mat and with Landon peeking through a gap between his fingers, the Samoan sits out and SPIKES the youngster on his head!! COLE That's Death By Samoan, and that's mercifully it. 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* Landon quickly slides into the ring and coaxes Faqu into getting up off of García before he does anymore damage. The Samoan beats his chest dominantly and Landon keeps a safe distance, before carefully raising the arm of his stablemate. COLE Not only does Landon snub these people by wearing the shirt of their bitter soccer rivals, not only does he refuse to compete in his home country as he claimed he was dying to, but he feeds this poor local kid to this Samoan savage! That's some man right there. COACH Some man indeed! As Megan guides Faqu to the back, Landon walks over to the fallen García, picking one of his arms limply off the canvas and has the audacity to shake it, congratulating him on a good attempt. A final kiss goodbye to the booing Barcelona crowd and Landon heads off as well, after a very unique homecoming. COLE Landon Maddix, ruining any chance we ever had of returning to Spain. Thank you for that. Folks, still so much more to come, here tonight on HeldDOWN. So don't miss a single moment of it! Unless you have other stuff to do. We're very understanding people here in the OAOAST. WHAT'S ON TAP? A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS. BUT A THOUSAND WORDS FROM MISTER MONEYMAKER ARE WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS STILL TO COME COMMERCIAL

Very, very enjoyable work from everyone who wrote. I think its on par with last years show, which was also very good. Maybe this one is even a bit better now that I think about it. You should all be quite proud of yourselves. Good efforts with some people writing three matches, and very good writing. Much respect to dudes for this one.

COLE Folks, back home in the states, Krista Isadora Duncan appeared on The Late Show David Letterman. And we have some footage of what went down! KRISTA (speaking to Dave) Um, yeah, I actually did a uh..its not a duet if its four people. I did an orgy let's say that. I did an orgy of sound and merriment in London with Elton John, Barbra Streisand, and Nathan Lane. Its was a great, great, great experience. Truly memorable. And yeah, there were so many gays and self loathing jews it was like being paid a couple thousand dollars to go to a family reunion. KRISTA (speaking to Dave) My niece, Hedi, is entering college at University Arizona next fall, so I went with her to see advisors, look at the dorms whatever, and I was blown away. Because I had a pretty awful dorm room during my freshman year, I had rats and roaches going at it like crips and bloods in my apartment. Crawl by shootings all the time, I had to get Jesse Jackson to stop the violence. I come home, I have to break up fights. They answer my door, talk on my phone don't click over, “that bitch don't live here, Krista who?” They played dead to. I stepped on one, came back to pick him up and he was gone, saw him two weeks letter, said he was two legit to quit. I go to my cereal to get my prize, they already got it. Held it front of my face and said “Can't touch this”. Cut to sofa central. COLE Molly Nerdly, sent home from the European tour for a week, because she's Molly Nerdly and she annoys everybody, captured some backstage footage for us. Gathered in one of the green rooms backstage are Terry Taylor, Jade Rodez, Maya Duncan-Blanchard, Krista's hairstylist Serge, her agent Ira Breslin and her agent's assistant, and a few female production assitants. Together they wait patiently for Krista's return. All except for Maya that is, who's already limited patience has been exhausted. MAYA Ugh forget this. I'm gone. TERRY Maya, you really ought to stay here. MAYA Uncle Terry do something! TERRY Uncle Terry? I kind of like that! MOLLY (O.S.) Your mother said not to call him that. She doesn't want you humanizing him. MAYA I'm just going to take a real quick walk. Okay? I'll be back in a few seconds. What's wrong with that? JADE Uh..Maya, Krista'll be here in any moment. Plus, you shouldn't be running around this huge studio by yourself. I know you're a big, mature girl, but its just not a good idea. So....just uh why don't you wait here, kiddo? Huh? MAYA Yeah, thanks for the tip, I'll look into it. Why are you trying to tell me what to do anyway? JADE Well, for starters I am your big sister. MAYA Um...only for the last two weeks. JADE And your mother told me as the bigger sister I get to be your temporary babysitter. So... MAYA Why would she tell you that sort of thing? You don't even call her mom! Maybe if I called her by her first name all the time like you I'd get a new car, an IPhone, a PS3 and a tricked out wardrobe, and not have to write some stupid essay called “Thank you Mother Krista, greatest of all Krista's, without whom I'd never survive in this corrupt capitalist world.” Ugh, this is so stupid. And temporary babysitter? That doesn't even mean anything. Its just a pointless little job, like making the chubby loser at school hall monitor. No one respects them and no one ever does what they say... MOLLY (O.S.) Erroneous! Erroneous! Because when I served as hall monitor my freshman year, if a kid came strolling down through my territory and they had to go pee real bad, if they made fun of me and called me Rolly Polly Molly, or O.D.B-Ol Dumpy Bitch, Sausage Fingers, Grizzly Adams-I had a lot of facial hair for a thirteen year old, then I'd send them right back to their classroom and at the end of the day they'd be hearing school yard calls of Yellow Spot Molly and not me. TERRY ..... MAYA Okay, now I'm really leaving. JADE Maya, please, just stay! But, Maya is already out the door. Jade is left to hold her head low in defeat and sorrow at her inability to do something as simple as keeping her little sister. MOLLY (O.S.) Chewbecca's Mama, BOW-Big ol whore, Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha...what else did they call me? IRA A cab, I hope. Who are you and why on god's green earth are you here? TERRY God, I wish you wouldn't have asked that... Before Molly can launch into a long spiel about being a documentary filmaker and capturing the pivotal expression of life and the essence of the human pysche, Krista enters the room and all eyes fall upon her. KRISTA Hey, Jade, I'm back! Jade's fearful that she's about to be chewed out over Maya's disappearance, and can scarcely lift her head to look at Krista. JADE Oh, hi, Krista. Krista's eyes now fall upon the lovely production assistants, and she passes by each of them with a seductive wink and a smile. KRISTA Hello! P.A. KRISTA Hello! P.A. Krista passes by Terry. KRISTA Hell no! TERRY Ignoring Terry's sadness as per usual, Krista glides into a chair in front of a huge dresser mirror and begins filing her nails. KRISTA (snapping her fingers at her stylist, Serge) Chop chop, honey, mama needs to be touched up! SERGE (in a voice full of mock sexual passion) Oooh I thought you'd never ask. KRISTA Oh honey, its a great thing you're gay, otherwise you'd be marching across town to the set of Grey's Anatomy to see if Patrick Dempsey knows how to surgically remove this nail file from your eye ball. Ask, Terry. Oh, Terry, by the way, the ball for the foosball table is missing again so I'm gonna need to borrow your right eye again! Terry gives Krista a thumbs up, as her stylist begins brushing her golden locks. KRISTA Where's Maya? I don't see her? Which one of you drips was supposed to be watching her?! JADE That...would...be...um me. Sorry. KRISTA Oh. Um....its okay, Jade. You're fine, really. Can someone just go get her or something? IRA'S ASSISTANT I can go. KRISTA Honey, before you go do you have any breath mints? ASSISTANT Sure. In my pocket. KRISTA Well, they ain't doin you any good in there! HAHHAHAHA! Actually proud to be insulted by the one and only Krista Isadora Duncan, the assistant leaves the dressing room with the knowledge that his life has been validated. KRISTA HAHAHAAH! They ain't doin you any good in there? Did you here it? Did you here it? HHAHAHAHA...sweet mother of mercy why did I take that hit of nitrous oxide? Jade, darling, did you have fun? JADE Uh...yeah. Sure. Lots of fun, actually. KRISTA What does it feel like being around a real television show? JADE Hmm...um...good. I am on HeldDOWN a lot so... KRISTA Ha! Jade, babydoll, just because I do the Kirk Gibson homerun trot every time I hit Terry with a nerf baseball bat doesn't mean I know what its like to win the 1988 world series. And, maybe, you'll want to try some acting or talk show stuff now that someone's finally exposed you to something besides HD, the show so bad when placed up against Flava Flav's new sitcom, Flava could have sir Orsen Wells, shitting his already well shat pants in awe of his brilliant witticisms and impeccable delivery of the words “Oh snap!” and “Awww dayum!” How do you think I did? Was I Mariah Carey with emanicapation of mimi or Mariah Carey with her long awaited film debut Glitter? JADE Definitely the first one. You were really funny! I thought you were great. KRISTA And believe it or not, you'll be even better then me. JADE Oh no, I don't think so... KRISTA Of course you will! Jade, if there's one thing we Duncan women don't wear well, its our natural breasts. If there's another thing its bras. And if there's a fourth thing its modesty! Jade, you are going have every success in everything you do. I know it. You have you mother's genes. Its practically your birth right. IRA Krista, why don't we tell her the big surprise? JADE (to herself) Surprise? KRISTA Yeah, in one hot second. (to her hairstylist) Honey, what the hell are you using one, a brush or Freddy Kruger's severed hand? Relax a bit! SERGE Pipe down or I'll tell everyone your natural hair color. KRISTA Just keep brushing, Marquis De Sade. Ira, if you'd be so lovely, go right ahead. IRA Jade, you are about to be taken to a new planet. Girl, I know you're sitting, but sit harder, because this is big news for you. For starters, I've pulled in a few favors from clients, friends, what have you, and I've got you walking the run way down in next Dom Rebel fashion show. If you don't think that's a big deal, then you're forgetting to think period. JADE I'm not...I can't... Jade stops short of complaining when she see Krista's smiling face. IRA Now, you honestly need to increase your exposure somehow because there's not a lot separating you from someone like Cher's kid right now. TERRY Chastity Bono? IRA No, the boy, whatever that little freakshow's name is. Jade what I like to do with some of my smaller clients, is arrange with my paparazzi friends to stage "exclusive" photo ops - the exclusivity makes the pics more valuable - and then we split the profits with the paparazzi agency. You go to central park tomorrow, you bring along a few changes of clothes, we shoot you in different outfits make it seem like you were there a couple days, like you're really a woman of the world. KRISTA (to her agent) Honey, come closer. Ira steps past a mortified Jade and to Krista who SLAPS HIM UPSIDE THE FACE! IRA Ow! KRISTA Sorry, you've had some stupid on your lips. All gone now! Do you even live on this planet? My daughter's not gonna be some cash cow for your..earmuffs, darling. Jade covers her ears with her hands. KRISTA Shitheeled bottomfeeding Polaroid zombies. God, you're exhausting. I gotta go drown my anger with a martini and this little blue pill I found between the sofa cushions. Anger is the number enemy of the hair follicle and I will not lose my hair for you! Hurry up, and tell her the next thing. IRA Okay, okay, okay. Jade, baby, this thing is even better. Ten times better, then add three to that. You're sitting down, now lie down. Magic. This thing is certified magic. Having it coming out my mouth makes me feel like Samantha from Bewitched. KRISTA I'd do Samantha from bewitched. You, I'd just want to see bob for poisoned apples from a pitcher full of arsenic and sulfuric acid. IRA I exhausted my every favor for this one. I'm in favor debt. I owe favors from here until the rapture, but Jade, baby, I did this for you because you're my best clients daughter. I got you an audition for the movie Triage with my boy Collin Farrel. It ain't a big part, I'm not gonna lie. Its a few lines here and there, but lemme tell ya this, Jade. Its magic. I had girls who been blowin me...uh...man, I can't recover from that...but I have girls that been with me for years, who would kill their every family member and sell their still beating heart to the devil himself for this kinda bone. But I tossed it you. JADE I..thank you, but I can't do it. IRA Krista, are you sure this your kid? KRISTA Yes! Yes, she's my kid! JADE I'm sorry. But I can't act! Krista shrugs her shoulders and begins mysteriously dialing her phone. Perhaps less oddly its Terry Taylor's phone that goes off. TERRY Hello? KRISTA Terry? Krista. Hate to bother you on your day away from the office, pal, but I'm gonna need a cliché joke on my desk in about oh...ten seconds. Thanks again, buddy. Krista hangs up the phone, and ten seconds later Terry chimes in with... TERRY That hasn't stopped anyone one else in Hollywood! (Terry begins flipping through an old US Weekly). Let's see Helen Mirren, Susan Sarandon, Robert DiNiero, Leonardo DiCaprio, Charlize Theron, Hillary Swank, Natalie Portman... Terry's interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Once again he picks it up only to hear.. KRISTA (screaming into her phone) You're a moron! After stating the obvious, Krista hangs up and continues with Jade. KRISTA Jade, sweetie, don't worry. Its only one audition, you're not trying to live up to Liz Taylor as Cleopatra. Its just a tiny little speaking role, like the minion of Satan said. You'll do wonderful with acting, I know it. JADE You mean you want me to do more? KRISTA Of course! Hey, it beats sitting around the pool at a Beverly's Hills mansion, sipping martinis, and being waited on by a wait staff of forty five who your mother their very soul for not dropping the dime to INS on every last one of them. Actually no it doesn't beat that. But, you're still going to have so much fun doing it, and maybe you'll meet someone. JADE Meet someone? KRISTA Like a friend or something. JADE It would be nice to finally associate with someone without the surname of Nerdly. MOLLY (O.S.) Terribly rude! I am standing right here! IRA Then we're livin excellent, aren't we. Little Jade Duncan! Our very own Hollywood starlet. Just like mama. Jade shifts uncomfortably in her seat, but her worry isn't noticed as Ira's assistant finally returns with Maya at his side. KRISTA Maya! There you are! MAYA Hey, mom. Wow, you'll never guess who helped me swipe a snickers bar out the vending machine! Get ready, because you.. KRISTA Oh, you weren't here, so you don't know. Jade has an audition! MAYA Audition? For...like a movie? I've never had any kind of audition! KRISTA Maya, you're in school, that's why. Maybe in high school or eighth grade but right now this is Jade's thing. So let's be happy for her? After all the true meaning of sisterhood isn't about jealously. MAYA What's it about then? KRISTA Uh...its about the Jewish Maccabees driving the Syrian army out of Jerusalem and reclaiming their temple. When the Jews prepared to rededicate their temple by relighting the "eternal flame," after driving out their oppressors, they had just enough consecrated oil to burn for one day... MAYA That's the meaning of Hanukkah, Mom. And its not even a high holy day. KRISTA Touche. Let's just be happy for Jade, okay? Maya nods solemnly, obviously not feeling her mother's joy. Adding to the anguished feeling is Molly's post production usage of the cheesiest soap opera music available.

COLE Let's go up to the ring, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura! JESSE You know, Michael Cole, as I sat and watched HeldDOWN~! last week, and I saw what transpired after the main event, this interview was just too tempting for the Body to pass up. I had to be the first one to get the scoop, from the group themselves! So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Alfdogg, Sandman9000, Thunderkid and Reject, THE DEADLY ALLIANCE! The Wall by Kansas hits, and Alfdogg leads the Deadly Alliance through the curtains. The four men stand at the top of the ramp, as Alf smiles once again. COLE Truly shocking. The DA walks to the ring, and all four men pose on the buckles, then Alf joins Jesse at mid-ring. JESSE I guess my first question is, Alf...how did this all come to pass? ALF Well, you know, Jesse...I've done everything here in the OAOAST. I've been the World champion twice...I'm the only three-time Heartland champion...Lethal Rumble winner...and to be honest, it all gets boring after a while. I'm ready to have some fun, Jesse. And last week, that was the most fun I've had here in a long, long time, just staring down at that wannabe, Tha Puerto Rican, and his buddy Rico Suave as they were laying at our feet. JESSE You know, Alf, what's really intriguing about this whole thing, is how you managed to get Sandman9000 on the same page, mere days after you bloody brawl at AngleMania! ALF I gotta be honest, Jesse...when Sandman came back many months ago, I wasn't sure what to make of it. Yes, he's held the Heartland title for over six months, but let's face it...he wasn't facing Alfdogg. He wasn't facing EvenflowDDT. He wasn't facing JINGUS. He wasn't facing Some Guy. I had to get Sandman back in the ring, to make sure he was still the warrior I remembered from the glory days. And at AngleMania...I found out he was that, and more. That was when I knew, I had to have this guy on my side. And here we are today. JESSE And in the process, you've locked up a shot at the World tag team titles for Thunderkid and Reject! REJECT That's right! This is a long time coming for me and Thunderkid. Sure, we had our differences in the past, but we've grown above that. And we've got unfinished business as a team, and that's to take the World tag team titles from those chumps Team Heyross. THUNDERKID That's right, Reject. Charlie Moss, you may be a four-time All-American in amateur wrestling, but soon enough, you'll be catching a professional ass-kicking from the two of us. And Quentin Benjamin? He's nobody's friend. If Benjamin was an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines, and dick. JESSE ALF And I know PRL, he's one of these guys that has more guts than brains. He thinks he wants a piece of me, and will put his title on the line. And that will be the last mistake he makes as the World champion. *crowd boos* ALF So take notes, all you Johnny-come-lately stables...in the coming weeks, the Deadly Alliance is gonna show you all how it's done. The Wall by Kansas hits, and The Deadly Alliance departs. JESSE Michael Cole, we're witnessing history, right before our very eyes! The Deadly Alliance is BACK! Back to Sofa Central! or not COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Intensity-The best of IntenseZone 3 DVD SET The spotlight falls on OAOAST Original TONY BRANNIGAN in his best old school WWF “Mean” Gene Okerlund attire over at the INTERVIEW STAGE. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chairman and CEO of the Enterprise… THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dressed to the nines in a tailored suit, the Billion Dollar Heir is escorted by CPA as GNR’s Sympathy for the Devil blares overhead. Brannigan welcomes his cousin with a handshake only to be snubbed. Ever the professional he lets it slide. BRANNIGAN Well Teddy, you asked for interview time. The forum is all yours. MONEYMAKER You got that right, cousin. I asked for time and being an influential TSM stockholder I was granted it ASAP. Now I don’t know whether these foreigners understand the words coming out of my mouth… COLE Listen to this man. He’s the foreigner here. MONEYMAKER …nor do I care because I know the one person who needs to understand will, and that’s the boss himself Anglesault. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH They at least know that name. MONEYMAKER Unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, there‘s an ongoing tournament to determine the #1 contender to the OAOAST Championship. A tournament in which I was not invited to participate. If not for my attorneys there wouldn’t have been any Enterprise representation at all. Even then Anglesault placed conditions on our involvement. One, I couldn’t enter the tournament myself. Two, the Beverly Hills Blonds and I would be BARRED from ringside. Had that ruling not been in effect then I wouldn’t be out here raising a storm because Christian Wright would still in the running for a shot at the title. Instead that morally bankrupt Leon Rodez broke every rule in the book to advance onto the next round. And why? Why did Anglesault ban us last week? He won’t even clarify his ruling. The man is drunk on power. BRANNIGAN Perhaps it has something to do with the rampant speculation on the OAOAST Hot Newzline regarding an alleged blackmail plot to secure the #1 contendership immediately following AngleMania that led to your exclusion? MONEYMAKER I won’t even dignify that with a response. In fact, I ought to hire a private investigator to find whoever started that malicious rumor and sue them for everything they got. People assume my wealth guarantees anything my heart desires. And there’s nothing I desire more than MORE MONEY…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!…and the OAOAST Championship. While it’d be simple for me to offer a generous sum in exchange for the title, it’s long been U.S. policy not to negotiate with terrorists and those who harbor them, i.e. you Anglesault. There’s no good reason why I should’ve been excluded from this tournament. You’ve gone and pissed off the one man who can take everything you hold dear. But your fate hasn’t been signed, sealed and delivered just yet. All you gotta do is CANCEL this tournament and AWARD ME the title shot at School‘s Out. In case you and your nickel and dime fans still don’t understand, I’ve hired a couple of celebrities not passed their prime to help, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of ALL TIME, Logan Usher Mann and Synth Abdul-Jabbar, the HEAVENLY ROCKERS! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stage hands wheel out a set of DRUMS as the Heavenly Rockers take their places onstage. Synth behind the drums, Holly on guitar, Logan in front of the mic and Colonel Abdullah counting the wad of cash paid for the group‘s services. LOGAN Are you ready to rock? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SYNTH Foreign dudes, ya’ll ready to roll? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" HOLLY You assholes ready for me to step on your pubes and spit in your mouth? "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SYNTH And a 1 and a two and a 1, 2, 3. The Heavenly Rockers begin jamming, sounding more like a garage band than a mainstream act. LOGAN Anglesault, you’ve done Theodore Moneymaker wrong Anglesault, correct this wrong Anglesault, have you taken too many hits from the bong? HOLLY Too many hits from the bong? Too many hits from the bong? LOGAN Anglesault, we the people ask that you correct this wrong Do as we say and your life will go on Fight the power and meet the guillotine Your risk, our reward Now go and do the right thing! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER Moneymaker shakes hands with the Colonel and Heavenly Rockers as Sympathy for the Devil cues. COLE Theodore Moneymaker spent who knows how much for that? COACH What are you talking about, Cole? That single’s gonna shoot up the charts in no time. Do the right thing, boss. Cancel the tournament and award Teddy the title shot at School’s Out. COLE How will Anglesault response upon hearing this? Hopefully we'll find out later tonight. * BREAK *

COLE We are back and it's time for our first number one contender tournament semi-final match. The English soccer hooligan Nathaniel Black to face the street raised Mad Cappa in what is bound to be a physical contest. To the ring, for Michael Buffer to get us underway. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a semi-final match in the number one contendership tournament. Introducing first, from London, England... weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds... one third of the 6-Man Tag Team Champions, representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is NNAAATTHHHAAAAAANNIIIIIIEEEEELLLLLLL... BBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis begins to thump through the arena, accompanied by the flashing of red, white and blue strobe lights around the entrance way. As the intro ends and the chanting begins, the curtains part and Nathaniel Black bursts out onto the stage, raising his 6-Man Tag Team Title belt in the air with a loud cry... ...AS HE GOES DOWN AT THE HANDS OF THE MAD CAPPA!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH Wha... that dirty back-jumber! COLE Cappa taking the fight to Black in the aisleway before the introductions can even be made! Cappa clubs away at Black from behind with forearms, sending him stumbling down the aisle. Catching up to Black, Cappa spins him around and nails him with a right hand to the jaw. And another. But Black fights back with a knee to the gut and lands a forearm, sending Cappa crashing backwards into the guardrail in the aisleway. COLE Cappa and Black, brawling in the aisle and this match I don't think has officially got underway yet. COACH It ought to have been thrown out the moment Cappa jumped Black from behind! What the hell is Cappa thinking? COLE Well, clearly he believes his best shot against Nathaniel Black is to take the fight right to him. And he's sure as hell doing that! The over-exuberant fans reach over the aisle, patting Cappa on the back while Black pats him in the face with his elbow a couple of times. Black angrily swats the hands of the fans away, grabbing Cappa around the back of the head and connecting with a European uppercut. Away staggers Cappa, luring Black into a surprise kick before taking him behind the head... and running him face-first into the barricade! The Barcelona crowd cheer Cappa on, as he then stomps a mudhole in Black's chest, not forgetting to walk it dry afterwards of course! Referee Brian Hebner leaves the ring to try and gain some order. Just as Cappa pulls off his skull cap and tries to choke Black with it, throwing all order out the window. Black manages to fight that off, but is pulled to his feet and punched in the face. COACH Cappa's trying to turn this into a fight rather than a wrestling match and that might be a good idea on paper, but but not so good in the flesh. Nat's been in his share of fights in his life, trust me. Pulling Black to the end of the aisle, Cappa grabs him by the arm, looking for an irish whip. But Black reverses... and it's Cappa who crashes back first into the guardrail! Referee Hebner tries to get Black back into the ring, but is rudely pushed aside. Charging, Black looks for a clothesline... only for Cappa to duck, back bodydropping the Englishman over the rail!! COLE The bullfights are never this dangerous! COACH You must have been to some shitty-ass bullfights then. As the crowd parts at the hands of security, Cappa starts to re-arrange furniture at ringside. Pulling the steel steps away from the ring he sets them up towards where Black is standing. Cappa then gets himself a run-up, fans scattering as TMC runs up the steps... ...AND FLIES OVER THE BARRICADE WITH A CROSSBODY ONTO BLACK!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Cappa taking flight, right into the front row! Cappa puts the boots to Black with the crowd going crazy for all this. Pulling Black up, Cappa nails him with a right hand, sending the Englishman deeper into the people. Another right hand lands, before Cappa pulls Black in, setting him up for a suplex on the floor. Black blocks it though, twice, before fighting his way out with punches to the ribs. The bodyshots back Cappa up and Black steps in with a hard elbow, sending Cappa falling back into the fans trying desperately to scramble out of harm's way. Cappa ends up pushed back towards Black, laying in another hard elbow. Black grabs Cappa and tries to throw him into the nearest vacated seat. Cappa gets his hands up to block though, fighting Black off and attacking with more right hands. The slugfest ends when Cappa sends Black back towards ringside with an irish whip. Black hits the guardrail and is then almost decipated, when a clothesline sends him only halfway over to ringside, Cappa dumping him the rest of the way with a shove. COLE Thankfully, it looks like this fight is moving back towards ringside and hopefully into the ring, so we can get this match officially started. COACH About damn time too. Cappa climbs back over to ringside as well and grabs a hold of Black to throw him into the ring. But Black has other ideas, grabbing the waistband of Cappa's jeans and pulling him face-first into the ring apron! COLE OH! COACH There go some front teeth. Now looking thoroughly pissed off, Black drags Cappa off the arena floor, throwing him into the ring... *DINGDINGDING!* ...and the opening bell can finally sound. COLE This semi-final, officially underway. And it looks like Cappa's grand plan may have backfired, as he is busted open from the mouth! Stalking behind Cappa, Black measures him and lands a boot to the back of the head. Cappa rolls to the ropes, but takes another boot. Black then pulls Cappa up, sending him for the ride with an irish whip. On the rebound Black cuts down Cappa with a back elbow, right to the busted lip, a kneedrop followed with a cover... 1... 2... No! Front facelock applied by Black. As Cappa starts to get to his feet, the Englishman lifts his knee up into the face. And again. And a third time, all doing further damage to the mouth of The Mad Cappa. Hooking an arm, Black then sweeps Cappa over with a half-hatch suplex and rolls over on top, pinning Cappa down roughly... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Still holding the arm, Black tries to apply a keylock on the arm. Feeling this, up struggles Cappa and he drops down, bringing Black over by the arm. Black rolls through to his feet harmlessly enough, ducking a clothesline from Cappa and connecting with a hard European uppercut. Down goes Cappa and instantly he checks his mouth for blood, finding plenty seeping from his split lip. COLE Black, a great technical wrestler but certainly not afraid to get physical as Cappa is finding out firsthand. Black hauls Cappa back up and barges him back into a corner. A European uppercut rocks Cappa back against the turnbuckles. As does a second. And a third. Irish whip, sends Cappa corner to corner. Black follows in close behind and dives in with a knee... MISSES! Black's knee hits the top turnbuckle and he bounces out, clutching his knee and walking right into a DDT from Cappa! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE But Cappa is tough, as Black is finding out. COACH He's a punk. And Black already disposed of one punk already so far. Up top heads Cappa as Black pulls himself back up. The Mad One measures him before coming off the top with a missile dropkick... ...but Black SIDESTEPS and Cappa crashes harmlessly to the canvas! COACH If I remember right, that other punk took a lot of dumb risks that didn't pay off too. Funny that. Black watches Cappa back to his feet, crouched in the corner and waiting with a LARIAT!! Cover... 1... 2... No! Black gets on the case of referee Hebner, then slaps Cappa hard in the back of the head, yelling at him to get back up. COLE Somehow, Nathaniel Black seems to get crasser with every passing week. Crouched down, it looks like another Lariat is on the cards from Nathaniel Black. Cappa has reacted to the slap in the back of the head and is fighting back to his feet, unaware of what waits him as he turns around. Popping to his feet, Black swings his right arm around wildly looking to take TMC's head off. Too wildly though, as Cappa ducks and catches Black with a schoolboy... 1... 2... Kickout! First to his feet, Black stops... and this time LANDS with the Lariat! COLE Got him, at the second time of asking. Cappa ends up folded up over himself and looking to be out. Finally able to afford himself something like a smile, Black stands up and starts to pick fights with the Spanish fans now to amuse himself. There's plenty of takers, but luckily Black's in the ring and they're not. COACH Can you imagine what's going to happen to poor little PRL if he gets hit with one of those Lariats? So long as Black manages to throw one low enough so that it won't just graze the top of his head, that is. COLE Well we might never find out if Black doesn't follow up sometime soon. Eventually, he does follow up. By the t-shirt he drags Cappa back up to his feet, delivering a very deliberate European uppercut. Cappa hits the mat again and he stays looking up at the lights while Black wipes some blood from his bicep. Grabbing Cappa again, Black then sets himself over his back and delivers some hard crossfaces! The blood continues to flow down The Mad One's chin as Black rains the shots in. After a fourth though, he fakes Cappa out and grabs the left arm looking to apply the Crossface Chickenwing! Cappa senses it coming early enough though and scrambles into the ropes. That doesn't stop Black for long though and he goes back to the crossfaces through the ropes, until referee Hebner is forced to physically interject himself and drag Black off of Cappa. Black holds his hands up innocently, long enough to convince him he's co-operating... before brushing him aside and attacking Cappa with more crossfaces in the ropes! Again Hebner has to step in and drag Black away, who this time makes no attempt to listen and just shoves Hebner aside. As the ref goes down, Black then grabs a hold of Cappa... ...and gets a leg lifted into the groin for his troubles!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH HEY! Low blow! Red card referee! Black staggers backwards with referee Hebner not having seen what happened, Cappa pulling himself off the ropes and nailing the Brit with a discus forearm! COLE The IMPACT! And Black is down, this could be it... Cover by Cappa, Hebner shaking off a twisted ankle to make the count... 1... 2... NO! COACH I still can't believe Cappa's getting away with this crap. Sneak attacks in the aisle, brawling in the crowd, lowblows. What lows won't this punk stoop to? COLE Cappa knows he's just two wins away from a World Title meeting with his old rival PRL at School's Out. And he's pulling out all the stops. Just as Nathaniel Black is. COACH Yeah, I'm sure PRL's pulling for him. He wouldn't even be World Champion if it weren't for Cappa. Cappa waits for Black to get back up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lays into him with a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another. Still doubled over in man-pain, Black manages to barge his shoulder into Cappa's midsection to fend him off. Only for a second though, before Cappa starts unloading with right hands. Backing Black up against the ropes, Cappa sends him across the ring with an irish whip and connects with a leg lariat. Black staggers up and walks into a clothesline... doesn't go down, so Cappa hits him with a dropkick. COLE Cappa's beginning to build some momentum here. He might be about to Bust A Cap any time now! COACH Yeah, that's a guy we want as World Champion. It worked for Drek, eh? Eh? No-one? Running on a second wind, Cappa shoots Black off the ropes again and catches him in a sleeper hold! Black quickly goes into reverse and crushes Cappa in a corner though. Pulling him out of the corner, Black then lifts Cappa up for the Half Nelson Backbreaker... but Cappa counters with an armdrag! Black then charges into a back elbow, leaving him dazed as Cappa hits the ropes. Wrapping his arm around Black's head, around swings Cappa, bringing him down with the Fall From Grace! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Cappa quickly heads to the top rope while Black is still recovering, reaching the third floor in time to catch Black with a crossbody block... 1... 2... NO! COLE Another close call for Cappa, Black is firmly on the back foot right now. Back up first, Cappa lands with a boot and looks for a scoop and a slam. He gets the scoop, but no slam as Black finds his way safely over the back, waistlock, looking for a German Suplex. Cappa fights out with a couple of elbows though, before running himself into the turnbuckles and ducking his head in order to send Black face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! Black staggers backwards and Cappa picks himself out of the corner, just in time to avoid another charge from the Englishman! COLE Look out! Black staggers out of the corner again and Cappa is waiting on him. The Mad One spits a mouthful of blood at Black, before setting him up... KICK! *WHAM!* BUST A CA... ...NO! BLACK CATCHES CAPPA'S ARM AND LOCKS IN THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh no! Black caught him, this could be it! COACH It will be it, Nat's got it locked in tight and when he goes to the mat, there is no escape. Black locks his legs around Cappa's waist with a bodyscissors just to be sure, wrenching away on the head and the shoulder. With his free arm, Cappa wags a finger, saying he doesn't give... ...but after a few seconds with no escape, he soon changes his mind and reluctantly taps out!! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black lets Cappa go and stands over him with a scowl on his face, hand raised in victory as he stares at Cappa, clutching his arm in pain. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing to the final of the number one contendership tournament... NATHANIIIEEEEELLL... BBLLLLLLAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Nathaniel Black advances on, he is now just one victory away from a main-event spot at School's Out! Wiping the spat blood from his chest, Black returns strike as he spits on Cappa himself before leaving the ring. Black raises two defiant arms in the air, Vs for victory pointed skywards as he marches off to watch the second semi-final later tonight, with plenty of personal interest in the outcome.

We sweep backstage to find ourselves privy to a conversation between Zack Malibu and a dressed to compete Leon Rodez. With a bandage over his right eye, Leon gestures away in the second delay of sound being transferred with Zack listening in, Leon sat on a table wearing a Journey t-shirt with his wrestling gear while Zack leans up against the wall standing next to him. LEON ...it's just a huge hassle at the moment. I mean, one minute she's hyper-possessive of me, the next she doesn't want anything to do with me. The girl's got more mood swings than... well, my mother not so many years ago, but let's not get into that. I tell ya. Take last week for example. I got busted open Thursday, so we couldn't really do anything much after the show. So we both agreed, Friday night we'd go see the Eiffel Tower and all the other old buildings there are in Paris. You know, 'waste some time before our flight' level stuff. But what with everything that happened last week, I suggested we call it off so I could go and keep Melody company and try and cheer her up. Man, you wouldn't believe how bad she took it. She flipped! I don't get it, it's her own sister for crying out loud. She didn't appreciate me calling her incompassionate, but it was in the heat of the moment... anyway, point is, she's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. ZACK Melody has? LEON No, Maggie has. ZACK ...which means you actually did end up ditching her? LEON Well, yeah, but like I say Melody was in a pretty bad way after what Jock did. We all were. Zack shrugs acceptingly, like any good friend should. Although, deep down, I'm sure he's thinking what we all are. LEON So, what with all that on top of this whole... 'situation' with Jade still, worrying about how she and Krista are getting on, I dunno. I get the feeling she's having trouble adapting to life with Celebrity Mom. So there's that to concern myself with. All I want to concentrate on tonight is Todd Cortez and this number one contender's tournament. I've finally got a good shot at going for the World Title, for the first time in forever. I just want to relax and enjoy it. And it's just distraction after distraction, everywhere I look, just like always, which brings me back to my first shot at the World Title in forever. It just... it just bums me out a little sometimes, you know? Zack chuckles under his breath, giving Leon a disbelieving look. ZACK That's it? 'A little bummed out', that's all you're feeling? You really are too mellow for your own good Leon. If even half of that stuff had happened to me, I'd have probably lost my mind by now. LEON Well that's true. ZACK ...yeah... you, uh, weren't supposed to agr... look, nevermind. Listen, I could tell you to try and channel all that towards Cortez tonight and I know that's not how you work, but you can't keep bottling this sort of stuff up inside. It's not healthy man. So why not go ahead and channel all your frustrations into getting the win tonight. Don't just put it all in the back of your mind. Use it. Besides that, this is the guy that almost broke your neck, remember? Put you out of action for months? Sure, he's changed a little recently and definately for the better. But he's still that guy. Now it's Leon's turn to chuckle. LEON Zack, no offense, but... the 'controlled anger' route? Last time I checked, you had a six foot seven ass-kicking machine who you've been trying to shrug off since November wanting to kick your ass. Zack shrugs. ZACK Fair point. LEON I appreciate the advice. But, you've always done things your way and I've always done things mine. That's what made us such a great team. ZACK Yeah and I respect you for that. Like I said, you seem to have some talent for putting up with the crap that goes on around here sometimes. If anybody deserves to be World Champ, it's you. I'll be pulling for you, that's for damn sure. Zack offers his hand. Pushing himself up off the table, Leon holds his hands on hips for a second before turning to Zack. LEON Again... I appreciate what you're saying. But, like I said, you do things your way... Pushing aside the offer of a handshake, Leon prefers instead to give his former tag team partner a big ol' HUG! Zack looks noticeably uncomfortable at the show of close friendship as we hear a hand slap across his back. (Hopefully his back.) LEON ...and I do things mine. Breaking the hug, Leon strides off to go prepare for his match, leaving Zack wondering again what the hell's wrong with a simple, man to man handshake in this day and age. STILL TO COME I AM SUPERSTAR AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! FOOTAGE FROM KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN ON THE LATE SHOW LATER BUT NEXT(I think) NUMBER ONE CONTENDER'S TOURNAMENT CONTINUES NEXT

We SWOOP~ over to MAGGIE NERDLY atop the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE. The OAOAST Women’s Champion proudly displaying the belt around her waist. MAGGIE Hey ya’ll. My guest at this time is a man with a whole lot of explaining to do. “THE TEXAS TWISTER” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Looking nothing like the Gunslinger we’ve come to know and love, a bandana wearing Jock Mulligan walks out to no music in sandals, a tank top and the tightest short shorts that leave little to the imagination. COLE Jock Mulligan unaccustomed to this reception, the result of his actions one week ago. COACH It was a long time coming, Cole. Jock carried the team while Baron and Melody took all the credit. COLE You’ve got to be kidding me. That young man obviously craved individual stardom and was perfectly fine destroying his relationship with close friends he considered family in order to achieve it. Now at the podium Jock mugs for the camera before staring Maggie in the eye. JOCK First of all, it's about damn time you started earning your pay around here instead of hanging out backstage all the time with that boyfriend of yours. Now I can tell you're dying to know the answer to a question you’re too embarrassed to ask. Well the answer is there’s no stuffing going on here. I come as advertise. What you see is what you’d get. And I do love me some of me. Don’t you? MAGGIE No! I want to know what’s gotten into you? You used to be such a nice guy. Now all of a sudden you’ve turned into a major dick. JOCK Mr. Dick to you. MAGGIE Well excuse me, Mr. Dick. Aren’t you the least bit remorseful about what you did? JOCK Just what did I do? OAOAST BACKTRACKER LAST WEEK ON ABDULLAH NERDLY’S HOUSE OF WORSHIP JOCK I should be remorseful because instead of fighting like a man Baron Windels desecrated a House of Worship by using his body to break a window to escape? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MAGGIE That’s not what the footage showed. JOCK Because the producers of the show manipulated it. I was talking with Simon Singleton earlier today and he explained all the different ways you can edit a scene to your liking. Of course, as the sister of Melody you’re already biased so wouldn’t care about my character being distorted. But to understand how I operate you first need to know the story of Jock Mulligan. All my life I’ve been the man. I was the star quarterback, the coolest kid in school, the guy every chick dreamt of and every guy wishes he was. Then I got tired of the whole team concept. You know, there’s no “I” in team? Well there is in Jock Mulligan! “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan that is. So I decided to become a professional wrestler. After a few months down in OAOVW I’m sent along with a couple of other graduates to Japan for seasoning. There some Jackie Chan looking chump from HI-YAH begged me to team with some 6’7” homesick American named Baron Windels. I had my own dreams, my own goals, and here I get saddled with some stiff who doesn’t know the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch. No problem. Being the athlete that I am I made chicken salad out of chicken shit and we go on become one of the best tag teams HI-YAH ever saw. Once that joint got bought out by the OAOAST we returned home. And how does he thank me? By saddling us with a broad who’d rather play video games than make sure I was ready to compete that night! Well I got tired of sitting back and letting other people take credit for all my hard work. It’s time that I become the superstar I deserve to be. All you so-called OAOAST Superstars need to look in the mirror and ask yourselves one question: Are you man enough to handle The Dick? Maggie shakes her head in disgust as “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan taunts the fans. COACH A star was just born in front of our very eyes, Mikey. COLE And a major pain in the ass. COMMERCIAL

(Cut to shot backstage of Sly Sommers in his gear, walking to the ring) COLE Up next, Sly Sommers makes his big return to the OAOAST rin...(James "Phoenix" Cone walks on-screen and stops Sly) PHOENIX Hey "bro". Just wondering exactly when it was that we were gonna straighten everything out concerning your little critiques. SLY I know, I know...I'm sorry. I got the texts and the voicemails and stuff, but I've been training really hard...Bohemoth is a BEAST, man! I have to be at my best to take him down. We can talk after the match, I promise! (Sly walks off, as the camera stays on Phoenix, who looks none too happy) COACH Sly Sommers faces Bohemoth, NEXT on HeldDOWN~! (FADE TO BLACK) (COMMERCIAL BREAK) (FADE UP FROM BLACK) The lights in the arena are orange, as Sly Sommers comes to the ring to "Orange Crush" by R.E.M., getting a warm reception from the crowd. He slaps some hands and hugs anyone he can in the front row, with tears coming down his eyes... BUFFER The following contest on HeldDOWN~! is set for ONNNNNNNEE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL...Introducing first, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, at a weight of 211 pounds...SLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOMEEEERS! COLE Sommers has worked so hard to overcome adversity and addiction just to come back as an active competitor in the OAOAST...but his welcoming party is a 6'7 monster with malicious intentions! Sommers climbs into the ring, then climbs to the second rope in a corner and yells "I LOVE YOU!" to the audience, who cheer him. The music suddenly cuts to "Liberate" by Disturbed...the monster known as Bohemoth walks out in front of the crowd. He flexes his guns, as a noticeable amount of boos come in from the audience. BUFFER His opponent...from Greenville, South Carolina at a weight of 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEMOTH! Bohemoth slides under the bottom rope, then stares at Sly with a cold killer's eye from his corner. COLE Bohemoth, resentful of the fact that Sly felt the need to comment on his issue with Zack Malibu last week. Speaking to Bo earlier, he says he's 'sick of having his integrity called into question'. COACH Well, he brought it on himself. But don't tell him I said that. *BELL RINGS* Sly charges at Bohemoth and sends him back to the corner with a running dropkick! Sommers climbs onto the middle rope and goes back and forth with big punches, but Bohemoth shoves him down. Sly rolls backwards onto his feet and leaps back up...Bohemoth shoves him back down! Sly pops up...and takes a Murderline! Bohemoth slowly pulls Sly up to a chorus of boos, then gives him an Irish whip. Sly comes off the ropes, Bohemoth lifts him in a gorilla press, then drops him with a front powerslam with IMPACT! COACH Bohemoth is insane! This man's almost like a cyborg! Bohemoth throws Sly by the throat into the corner. Bohemoth charges forward...but Sly rolls away and Bo eats turnbuckle! He stumbles back, dazed but not really hurt. Sly gives him a flying knee to the back and sends him back into the corner. Sly then hops on Bo's back and locks in a sleeperhold! Bo stumbles to mid-ring...then charges backwards and sandwiches Sly in the opposite corner! Bohemoth makes sure Sly is standing, then chokes Sly with the sole of his boot. The referee orders a break... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ...Bohemoth breaks it up. Bohemoth then puts Sly between his legs and backs up to mid-ring...he signals like Sly's going to take a bad fall over the top...he lifts Sly for the powerbomb, charges towards the ropes...but Sly's able to hold onto Bohemoth and gives him a hurricanrana over the top and to the floor! Sly held onto the top rope, allowing him to pull himself back into the ring, then climbs up top...big plancha onto Bohemoth...GETS CAUGHT! Bohemoth switches his grip and gorilla presses Sly between the top and middle ropes, right back into the ring. Bohemoth comes back in, pulls Sly up, then gives him a chop so hard that it echoes throughout the building and knocks Sly back down! Sommers, clutching his chest from the pain, gets yanked up by his hair, then sent off with an Irish whip. Bohemoth throws his big boot, but Sly slides under it, Bohemoth turns around, and Sly connects with three rapid-fire straight kicks to the stomach! He follows with a series of forearms to the back of Bohemoth's neck to keep him bent over. Sly goes up to the second rope behind Bohemoth, then launches off for a bulldog...but Bohemoth catches Sly in mid-air in a side suplex position, swings around, and slams him hard onto his back! COACH Bohemoth's strength is insane! He bounced a 210-plus pound man off of the canvas like a basketball! Bohemoth pulls Sly up, then lifts him for a vertical suplex...he holds him up there....still up there...and he drops him down hard! Sly rolls onto the apron, but Bohemoth reaches over the top rope and pulls Sly up to his feet, then locks in a cobra clutch. Bohemoth leaves Sly's ankles drapped over the top rope, then swings him around...Style Injection! Bohemoth refuses to go for the cover, choosing to look into the camera and yell... BOHEMOTH Malibu...blood's on your hands! Bohemoth pulls Sly up and sends him to the ropes with an Irish whip...Sly slides between Bohemoth's legs, Bohemoth turns around, Sly dropkicks him! Bohemoth is dazed...Sly comes off of the ropes...another dropkick! Bohemoth's still up! Sly comes off of the ropes again...a third dropkick and Bohemoth goes through the ropes, landing on his feet! Sly climbs to the top rope immediately, then dives off...plancha knocks down Bohemoth! Sly uses all of his might to get the monster back into the ring. Sly climbs back up top and dives off...Bohemoth catches him! Bohemoth repositions Sly...running powerslam! COVER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bohemoth pulls Sly up immediately, shoves him backwards so he bounces off of the ropes, then as Sly bounces back forwards...Bohemoth throws him straight up HIGH in the air...and Sly lands right on his face, the impact flipping him over onto his back! Bohemoth immediately comes off of the ropes...big splash! Bo brute-forces Sly up and shoves him back into a corner. Bohemoth Irish whips Sly into the opposite corner, with Bohemoth charging right behind him...but Sly walks up the ropes and backflips over Bohemoth! Bohemoth turns around, Sly feeds him a leg and blasts him with an enziguri! Bohemoth's stunned on his feet, as Sly goes to the top rope....missile dropkick knocks the monster down! Sly looks around at the crowd, who are reacting huge! COACH Go for it! He's only down once! Hit something big! Sly goes to the apron, then climbs up top...SUPERSLY SPLASH.... ...MISSES! Sommers comes down HARD on his chest and stomach! Bohemoth's up on his feet, grabs Sly, pulls him up, lifts him up...EROTIC AWAKENING OF B! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Your winneeeeeeeeeeeer...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEMOOOOOTH! COLE Sly Sommers' dreams of a successful OAOAST return match were crushed with one huge, unbeatable manuever! Bohemoth just dominated one of the best wrestlers to ever wrestle in this company! COACH Sly had him rocking a few times, but Bohemoth is SO dominant, such a machine...he's unstoppable! Bohemoth looks into the camera while walking to the locker room... BOHEMOTH Zack...THAT is why I don't owe you anything! Bo's furious anamalisitc visage is our final image before we dissolve to black. COMMERCIAL Cut to the locker room, where Sly Sommers is laying on a bench, holding his back and his eyes closed. The camera zooms back out and James "Phoenix" Cone is standing over him. PHOENIX Looks like you're gonna be here a while. Maybe *this* is a good time to talk. SOMMERS Dude...I know I said I would talk to you now, but I don't think I can see straight, let alone reason with you. (sits up) Bro...call me this weekend or something. I don't think I can give you the answers you deserve right now, man. I'm going to go to the trainer's office...I think every disc in my spine is destroyed...(Sly limps off-camera) PHOENIX (Looking off-camera) Yeah...sure. Get yourself all fixed up buddy. COMMERCIAL

No fancy pictures and soundtrack this week, 'cause I don't know nothing bout no Barcelona! Cut outside, where a dirty white limo pulls into the lot. The limo has decals on it to appear as if it is wrapped in barbed wire. The driver and a passenger get out, and open the doors on both sides. The camera is focused on the driver's side, as Alfdogg steps out of the limo, nattily attired in an all-black suit with a red tie, to the boos of the crowd. COACH Here they are, can you believe it? On the other side, Reject steps out, attired in a gravel-colored suit, followed by Thunderkid, wearing a black tux/gangster hat getup, with a sea green sash on the hat. Sandman9000 steps out behind Alf, in his normal ring attire, with a black tie. COLE Yes indeed, folks, we never thought we'd say this again, but the Deadly Alliance has arrived at the arena! Alf smiles as the DA starts its walk to the arena. Once inside the building, Bohemoth walks by, to a mixed reaction of mostly boos. ALF Hey, big guy! Bo turns, and stares down Alf, who holds his hand out as if to say "take it easy". ALF I just wanted to you know...you were right to snuff Malibu at AngleMania. That was your moment, and don't anyone tell you any different. Bo continutes to stare down Alf for a second, then nods and grins just slightly. BO I appreciate that. Alf smiles, as Bo turns and walks away. The DA then continues its walk to the arena. COLE This is shaping up to be some kind of night here on HeldDOWN~! And please stay tuned because we have more to come including number one contender tournament action! STILL ON TAP NUMBER ONE CONTENDER'S TOURNAMENT LEON RODEZ VS TODD CORTEZ NATE BLACK VS SOMEBODY I DON'T KNOW WHO WON THAT OTHER TOURNAMENT MATCH! LATER

*gives CandyColoredBlues a dap as the g code dictates*

Brought to you by American Express Taped: don't care enough to check calendar First air date: see above plz Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan What better more ratings grabbing way to open our show then with a backstage skit involving Biff Atlas!!! Our hair fetishist turned nutrition guru turned semi credible midcarder turned environmentalist turned safety inspector was beside himself with horror to have discovered someone had spilled cranberry juice in the hallway and neglected to alert proper maintenance crews. The puddle of red was a sure death (or at least sprained ankle) trap not to mention an attraction for disease carrying bugs. Biff rallied himself to the cause of IDing this shiftless culprit and converted one of the administrative offices into an interrogation room. The montage of his investigation (complete with Pink Panther music) brought out the big guns such as, Zack Malibu, Theodore Moneymaker Landon Maddix, James Cone, Alfdogg, and Lucius Soul..ahem...all of whom concluded that Biff was a total moron. Being called a moron by half the roster was a tolerable experience for Atlas. His true failings came when he made the horrid mistake of placing a long distance call to Krista in California to see if she had any leads. Despite being yanked from the middle of a spa treatment, Krista was oddly polite and actually had a few questions for Biff, “Alright, Biff,” Krista began, “Say you're out in Inglewood or something patrolling the streets, and you see a guy digging a hole without a permit, do you go inside to see if he's doing anything else illegal there? “Without question, I'll put on proper protection, whip my tool out and get right in his hole.” “What if he says no.” “Doesn't matter. I shove him into the ground and make him watch me come inside his hole.” “What if he screams?” “Good. I want it to hurt when I plow into his hole. The more pain it causes the better.” “Would you come into anybody's hole?” “Of course. Man, woman or child.” “What about Moneymaker's hole?” “Money is no obstacle. I'd bust his hole wide open” “And hypothetically would you let other people inside your hole?” “Of course. People can come inside my hole as many times as they want. Any hole I've got they can come inside.” “One at a time?” “All at once. Let's make coming inside my hole a group effort.” Alas, Biff's humiliation at Krista's and verizon's hands might've been a touch better then his treatment from the Love Doctors who entered the room shortly after he hung up. The Docs had been the major, actually the only, victims of Biff's blundering attempts to increase safety awareness. And this was their moment for revenge! Together they ripped Biff from his chair and proceeded to hang him out the window by his ankles Suge Knight on Vanilla Ice style. Sure they were only on the first floor, but the shards of broken beer bottles and used condoms on the ground were enough to scare safety conscious Biff into needing a new pair of adult diapers. The Docs informed Biff in no uncertain terms that his behavior was causing them serious anger and that they planned on seriously hurting him and his partner James Riggs tonight in our mainevent. Before the Docs left they concluded their threat with an exclamation point by shutting the window on Biff's ass. ***Jessica Jobbs-VS-Widow*** It was announced before the match that these two once bitter enemies would engage in a best of five competition over the next several weeks. Certainly they didn't fight like heated rivals with the match starting with a slow feeling out process. They worked each other over with a variety of arm drags, arm locks, and armbars all of which simply resulted in applause from the audience. The intensity of the competition was stepped up somewhat when Jobbs countered a hip toss into a monkey flip. Though Window landed on her feet, she was unable to stop Jobbs from putting her on the mat with a side Russian leg sweep. As the match progressed Widow kept attempting to slow things down and confound Jobbs with a methodical submission based offense. Whereas Jobbs kept going for a home run swing, often times resulting in spectacular failures, such as when her diving lariat was turned into an armbar or her cross body block landed into a body lock. Ultimately Jobbs won the match by the skin of her teeth, avoiding a corner shoulder charge, and rolling Window into a school girl. Winner: Jessica Jobbs, via pinfall. Series Score: Jobbs-1 Widow-0 Backstage James Riggs, towel slung over his shoulder, strolled down the hallway, eager to talk strategy with his tag team partner for the night, Biff Atlas. But when he entered Biff's investigation room, he saw the OAOAST's safety inspector bare ass naked, drenched in tears, and haplessly chasing and leaping for his clothes that hung from a spinning ceiling fan to the immeasurable laughter of many superstars. Their pleasure was only magnified when Riggs begin rat tailing Biff's tush! Guess Biff needs a new partner! ***The Love Doctors -VS- Biff Atlas and ???*** Who did Biff find for a partner but the only person less liked by his co-workers then he, Vinny Valentine. The Disco Duck, now wearing an actual duck shaped life preserver, was delighted to be Biff's partner and promised to stomp the Docs into squaresville hell. I assume such a place is heavy on the My Three Sons reruns and reenactments of the white sox disco demolition derby incident. Anyway, Valentine's promise was definitely looking like one impossible to keep as the match got underway. The Docs beat the life out of the listless duo with never before seen furor. They terrorized Biff and Vinny with suplexes, body slams, and low level top rope attacks. Thankfully, Vinny is semi-competent in the arts of pro wrestling and slowed the bloodbath down by countering a powerbomb into a simple eye rake. From there he maintained control of both Anderson and Pigley with every underhanded tactic known to man. Low blows, chokes, eye rakes, back rakes, spitting, biting were all employed by Valentine. He stopped just short of catapult launching his partner at the doctors. Although he never came close to pinning the docs, he at least delayed his team's inevitable defeat. Things suddenly worsened for Vinny's team when he foolishly brought Biff back into the bout. There slaughter once again became the dish of the day for Biff, who was beaten horrendously by the Docs. Fortunately, Vinny was there to land a helping hand and beat off Pigley...PAUSE...Pigley managed to trade shots with the disco duck and weakened him enough to elevate to the top rope. Unfortunately, Valentine didn't remain groggy for long and with a surge of strength shoved Pigley off the rope and to the outside. All was not well for Vinny though, as Anderson flattened him with a spine buster! With Vinny out the way, Doctor Anderson twirled around to level Biff with a discus punch, and then CRACK, Anderson's hand crashed into a hard hat that Biff had quickly put on! The windy city native reeled backwards in agony, which permitted Atlas to roll up him for a 1-2-3. Winner: Biff Atlas(!!!) and Vinny Valentine(!!!), via pinfall. Backstage we saw Jessica Jobbs receiving high praise for a hard fought match from Jumbo. Also arriving to pay a compliment was Widow. While Widow gave Jobbs plenty of respect, before she left she assured Jobbs she wouldn't fall for the same rollup again, so Jobbs better have a few more tricks tucked away. Ever the helpful one Jumbo provided unnecessary clarification by informing Jobbs that by tricks tucked away Widow meant having some other wrestling techniques and having a stable of loose women who are either teases or hoes. ***Brock Ausstin Vs Gilles Perron*** The lightweight Parisian was little match for the oversized American, and put up a dismal showing in front of home town crowd. A dropkick was about all Perron could muster before Brock sent him hurtling into the corner and crushed him with a lariat. As Perron staggered towards the center of the ring, Brock scooped him onto his shoulders. However, Perron somehow found the ability to slither free of the big man's clutches. But, Brock simply hoisted him onto his shoulder a second time and hit him with the F-Stunner-5. End! Winner: Brock Ausstin, via pinfall. ***The Christ Air Express -VS- The Heavenly Rockers W/Abdullah Abir Nerdly and Holly-Wood*** The Heavenly Rockers Vs The Christ Air Express Looking for a rebound from their unfortunate loss at Anglemania, The Rockers certainly could've faced a much easier opponent then the kids from the great white North. Obviously aware of that fact, The Rockers were none too eager for a fight, and actually came bearing a gift. A gold record with The Express' name on it. Well, the twins came for a fight not to get a gift even the likes of Soulja Boy can obtain. YAAAAH bitch YAAAAAH! Thus the gold record was shattered across the knee of MEL. After that the twins proceeded to shatter the bones of their rivals as the match began like tornado tag affair. Even with their experience in Sin City street fights, The Rockers were totally overwhelmed by The Express' brutality. MARV battered Synth Abdul-Jabbar on the outside, terrorizing him with crazed punches and face slams into the ring apron, before finally suplexing him onto the guardrail. While MEL set himself up to body splash the impaled Jabbar, his brother floored Logan with the Melanoma sitout power slam inside the ring. But right as it looked as if the night would bring and easy victory for the Boiz, the power of allah compelled Synth to get the hell out of the way and MARV crashed into the steel rail. With MARV mashed into a nice juicy Canadian hamburger, Synth dived into the ring and sneak attacked his bro. While Logan recovered from the power slam, Abdul-Jabbar worked MEL over with a brawling offense, limiting his moves to mostly punches and the occasional lariat. Synth seemed more concerned with offering his sallahs (prayers in Muslim) to allah then actually beating his rival. However, he did score huge as his oversized goggles let him shred through MEL's skin with a headbutt. After that, Synth tagged Logan into the match, and retreated to the apron where he joined Abdullah in prayer for Logan's safe return. Apparently their prayers worked, because Logan absolutely slaughtered MEL. Taking advantage of the cut Synth's eye wear opened, Mann did everything in his ability to draw further blood from the Canadian. He hit MEL with a barrage of punches, dropkicks, and bulldogs all which expanded the gash on his forehead. Unfortunately nothing he did could hold MEL down for a pinfall and he was forced to make a tag to Synth. Yet, Synth's earlier luck eluded him in his second go round, for as he lifted MEL off the canvas, he was stunned by an enziguri. Using the cheers of the crowd as motivation, MEL gathered the strength to retreat to his corner and tag in his sibling. MARV was eager to pay back Synth for his earlier transgressions and steamrolled him with a shoulder block. Logan got similar treatment and was put down with a leg lariat. Figuring two Rockers are better then one, the three time tag champs pounced on MARV with forearms and elbow smashes until they were finally able to subdue him into a percussion DDT. But, they spent too much time finger twirling and MEL was able to bust out their grip. For his troubles, Logan was struck down with a Noseplant Rocker Dropper. As bad as that was, Synth was left in even greater hurt as both boys teamed up to send him through the Pearly Gates- Flatliner/Enziguri combo! But all was not well in Nerdly land! For Molly Nerdly and her trusty Siclopse had ventured onto the ring apron. Though Molly assured the twins this was all a harmless part of her Spinal Tap-esque mockumentary about The Rockers, the CAE didn't care and wanted their sister gonzo. Their preoccupation with Molly gave Holly (no relation) the time needed to leap onto the ring apron and distract the referee. This newest distraction was the key to Abdullah being able to slide Logan the gold record. With two furious swipes both Nerdly boys were dropped to the apron in. As neither showed any signs of life, the Macho Macho Mann chose to pin them both for an easy three. Winner: The Heavenly Rockers, via pinfall. Editing room genius by Molly Nerdly showed the fallen, blood drenched CAE from a high angle vantage point, giving the viewer the feel that they have some sort of god like perspective. Adding to this feel, was the fact that puffy clouds begin creeping down the corners of the screen with the words “Courtesy Of The Heavenly Rockers” emblazoned in graceful gold cursive lettering on the middle of the screen. Final Cut FTW! oh man ya'll fucked now

Brought to you by American Express Taped: don't care enough to check calendar First air date: see above plz Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan What better way to open the least watched show in syndicated programming history (barely beating out Whoppi Goldberg's talkshow) then with a backstage skit involving Biff Atlas. Our hair fetishist turned nutrition guru turned semi credible midcarder turned environmentalist turned safety inspector was beside himself with horror to have discovered someone had spilled cranberry juice in the hallway and neglected to alert proper maintenance crews. The puddle of red was a sure death (or at least sprained ankle) trap not to mention an attraction for disease carrying bugs. Biff rallied himself to the cause of IDing this shiftless culprit and converted one of the administrative offices into an interrogation room. The montage of his investigation (complete with Pink Panther music) brought out the big guns such as, Zack Malibu, Thedore Moneymaker Landon Maddix, James Cone, Alfdogg, and Lucius Soul..ahem...all of whom concluded that Biff was a total moron. Being called a moron by half the roster was a tolerable experience for Atlas. His true failings came when he made the horrid mistake of placing a long distance call to Krista in California to see if she had any leads. Despite being yanked from the middle of a spa treatment, Krista was oddly polite and actually had a few questions for Biff, “Alright, Biff,” Krista began, “Say you're out in Inglewood or something patrolling the streets, and you see a guy digging a hole without a permit, do you go inside to see if he's doing anything else illegal there? “Without question, I'll put on proper protection, whip my tool out and get right in his hole.” “What if he says no.” “Doesn't matter. I shove him into the ground and make him watch me come inside his hole.” “What if he screams?” “Good. I want it to hurt when I plow into his hole. The more pain it causes the better.” “Would you come into anybody's hole?” “Of course.” “What about Moneymaker's hole?” “Money is no obstacle, I will come inside anyone's hole, man, woman, or child. Especially child, because they need to learn better.” “And hypothetically would you let other people inside your hole?” “Of course. People can come inside my hole as many times as they want. Any hole I've got they can come inside.” “One at a time?” “All at once. Let's make coming inside my hole a group effort.” Alas, Biff's humiliation at Krista's and verizon's hands might've been a touch better then his treatment from the Love Doctors who entered the room shortly after he hung up. The Docs had been the major, actually the only, victims of Biff's blundering attempts to increase safety awareness. And this was their moment for revenge! Together they ripped Biff from his chair and proceeded to hang him out the window by his ankles Suge Knight on Vanilla Ice style. Sure they were only on the first floor, but the shards of broken beer bottles and used condoms on the ground were enough to scare safety conscious Biff into needing a new pair of adult diapers. The Docs informed Biff in no uncertain terms that his behavior was causing them serious anger and that they planned on seriously hurting him and his partner James Riggs tonight in our mainevent. Before the Docs left they concluded their threat with an exclamation point by shutting the window on Biff's ass. ***Jessica Jobbs-VS-Widow*** It was announced before the match that these two once bitter enemies would engage in a best of five competition over the next several weeks. Certainly they didn't fight like heated rivals with the match starting with a slow feeling out process. They worked each other over with a variety of arm drags, arm locks, and armbars all of which simply resulted in applause from the audience. The intensity of the competition was stepped up somewhat when Jobbs countered a hip toss into a monkey flip. Though Window landed on her feet, she was unable to stop Jobbs from putting her on the mat with a side Russian leg sweep. As the match progressed Widow kept attempting to slow things down and confound Jobbs with a methodical submission based offense. Whereas Jobbs kept going for a home run swing, often times resulting in spectacular failures, such as when her diving lariat was turned into an armbar or her cross body block landed into a body lock. Ultimately Jobbs won the match by the skin of her teeth, avoiding a corner shoulder charge, and rolling Window into a school girl. Winner: Jessica Jobbs, via pinfall. Sereies: Jobbs-1 Widow-0 Backstage James Riggs, towel slung over his shoulder, strolled down the hallway, eager to talk strategy with his tag team partner for the night, Biff Atlas. But when he entered Biff's investigation room, he saw the OAOAST's safety inspector bare ass naked, drenched in tears, and haplessly chasing and leaping for his clothes that hung from a spinning ceiling fan to the immeasurable laughter of many superstars. Their pleasure was only magnified when Riggs begin rat tailing Biff's tush! Guess Biff needs a new partner! ***The Love Doctors -VS- Biff Atlas and ???*** Who did Biff find for a partner but the only person less liked by his co-workers then he, Vinny Valentine. The Disco Duck, now wearing an actual duck shaped life preserver, was delighted to be Biff's partner and promised to stomp the Docs into squaresville hell. I assume such a place is heavy on the My Three Sons reruns and reenactments of the white sox disco demolition derby incident. Anyway, Valentine's promise was definitely looking like one impossible to keep as the match got underway. The Docs beat the life out of the listless duo with never before seen furor. They terrorized Biff and Vinny with suplexes, body slams, and low level top rope attacks. Thankfully, Vinny is semi-competent in the arts of pro wrestling and slowed the bloodbath down by countering a powerbomb into a simple eye rake. From there he maintained control of both Anderson and Pigley with every underhanded tactic known to man. Low blows, chokes, eye rakes, back rakes, spitting, biting were all employed by Valentine. He stopped just short of catapult launching his partner at the doctors. Although he never came close to pinning the docs, he at least delayed his team's inevitable defeat. Things suddenly worsened for Vinny's team when he foolishly brought Biff back into the bout. There slaughter once again became the dish of the day for Biff, who was beaten horrendously by the Docs. Fortunately, Vinny was there to land a helping hand and beat off Pigley...PAUSE...Pigley managed to trade shots with the disco duck and weakened him enough to elevate to the top rope. Unfortunately, Valentine didn't remain groggy for long and with a surge of strength shoved Pigley off the rope and to the outside. All was not well for Vinny though, as Anderson flattened him with a spine buster! With Vinny out the way, Doctor Anderson twirled around to level Biff with a discus punch, and then CRACK, Anderson's hand crashed into a hard hat that Biff had quickly put on! The windy city native reeled backwards in agony, which permitted Atlas to roll up him for a 1-2-3. Winner: Biff Atlas(!!!) and Vinny Valentine(!!!), via pinfall. Backstage we saw Jessica Jobbs receiving high praise for a hard fought match from Jumbo. Also arriving to pay a compliment was Widow. While Widow gave Jobbs plenty of respect, before she left she assured Jobbs she wouldn't fall for the same rollup again, so Jobbs better have a few more tricks up her sleeves. ***The Christ Air Express -VS- The Heavenly Rockers W/Abdullah Abir and Holly-Wood*** The Heavenly Rockers Vs The Christ Air Express Looking for a rebound from their unfortunate loss at Anglemania, The Rockers certainly could've faced a much easier opponent then the kids from the great white North. Obviously aware of that fact, The Rockers were none too eager for a fight, and actually came bearing a gift. A gold record with The Express' name on it. Well, the twins came for a fight not to get a gift even the likes of Soulja Boy can obtain. YAAAAH bitch YAAAAAH! Thus the gold record was shattered across the knee of MEL. After that the twins proceeded to shatter the bones of their rivals as the match began like tornado tag affair. Even with their experience in Sin City street fights, The Rockers were totally overwhelmed by The Express' brutality. MARV battered Synth Abdul-Jabbar on the outside, terrorizing him with crazed punches and face slams into the ring apron, before finally suplexing him onto the guardrail. While MEL set himself up to body splash the impaled Jabbar, his brother floored Logan with the Melanoma sitout power slam inside the ring. But right as it looked as if the night would bring and easy victory for the Boiz, the power of allah compelled Synth to get the hell out of the way and MARV crashed into the steel rail. With MARV mashed into a nice juicy Canadian hamburger, Synth dived into the ring and sneak attacked his bro. While Logan recovered from the power slam, Abdul-Jabbar worked MEL over with a brawling offense, limiting his moves to mostly punches and the occasional lariat. Synth seemed more concerned with offering his sallahs (prayers in Muslim) to allah then actually beating his rival. However, he did score huge as his oversized goggles let him shred through MEL's skin with a headbutt. After that, Synth tagged Logan into the match, and retreated to the apron where he joined Abdullah in prayer for Logan's safe return. Apparently their prayers worked, because Logan absolutely slaughtered MEL. Taking advantage of the cut Synth's eye wear opened, Mann did everything in his ability to draw further blood from the Canadian. He hit MEL with a barrage of punches, dropkicks, and bulldogs all which expanded the gash on his forehead. Unfortunately nothing he did could hold MEL down for a pinfall and he was forced to make a tag to Synth. Yet, Synth's earlier luck eluded him in his second go round, for as he lifted MEL off the canvas, he was stunned by an enziguri. Using the cheers of the crowd as motivation, MEL gathered the strength to retreat to his corner and tag in his sibling. MARV was eager to pay back Synth for his earlier transgressions and steamrolled him with a shoulder block. Logan got similar treatment and was put down with a leg lariat. Figuring two Rockers are better then one, the three time tag champs pounced on MARV with forearms and elbow smashes until they were finally able to subdue him into a percussion DDT. But, they spent too much time finger twirling and MEL was able to bust out their grip. For his troubles, Logan was struck down with a Noseplant Rocker Dropper. As bad as that was, Synth was left in even greater hurt as both boys teamed up to send him through the Pearly Gates- Flatliner/Enziguri combo! But all was not well in Nerdly land! For Molly Nerdly and her trusty Siclopse had ventured onto the ring apron. Molly assured the twins this was all a harmless part of her Spinal Tap-seque mockumentary about The Rockers, the CAE didn't care and wanted their sister gone.. Their preoccupation with Molly gave Holly the time needed to leap onto the ring apron and distract the referee. This newest distraction was the key to Abdullah being able to slide Logan the gold record. With two furious swipes both Nerdly boys laid prone on the apron, and so the true king of arrogance, Mann chose to pin them both for an easy three. Winner: The Heavenly Rockers, via pinfall. Editing room genius by Molly Nerdly showed the fallen, blood drenched CAE from a high angle vantage point, giving the viewer the feel that they have some sort of god like perspective. Adding to this feel, was the fact that puffy clouds begin creeping down the corners of the screen with the words “Courtesy Of The Heavenly Rockers” emblazoned in graceful gold cursive lettering.

Its from somewhere in Europe, I can promise you that! dont call no motherfuckin opening neither!

Returning from break brings us to the mobile action zone with women's champion and interview personality, Maggie Nerdly. MAGGIE Yo, what's good, world? It Girl On the International Scene, and women's champ, Maggie Nerdly, lettin' ya'll know that AfterParty got a bit to rowdy for the CNBC and Fox News Crowd at OAOAST.com. But, we don't need those weak chumps do we? Nope, 'cause we're packin up the kegs, the music, the dance, and the bad ass style and takin it over to IamontheOAOAST.com. This week we're doin it Paris style and goin sight seeing with tag team champs Team Heyross, James Cone and Mad Cappa. Plus, MARV and MEL are doin the Paris club scene RIGHT! See-you at the party! FADE OUT God of Thunder hits, as the arena goes dark. Yellow lights illuminates the entryway, and yellow smoke goes off, with Thunderkid, followed by Reject, emerging through the cloud. COLE And it's time for our main event of the evening! A tag team exstravaganza here on HeldDOWN~! Let's go to the ring! Ring Announcer Le concours suivant est prévu pour une chute! La route qui mène à l'anneau, à un poids combiné de deux cent vingt kilos ... l'équipe de THUNDERKID et REJETER! COLE Tremendous job by our French announcer here tonight, on HeldDOWN~! from Paris! COACH This is going to be great, Cole! I don't buy that either of these reunions is going to last, it'll be interesting to see which team implodes first! COLE Well, we'll see, and Alfdogg certainly shares your opinion as we saw earlier tonight! TK and Reject enter the ring and pose on the buckles, then exchange high tens and wait in their corner. A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes charging out, receiving a HUGE pop from the Detroit fateful. Heat gets the crowd fired up, bouncing up and down across the entrance stage, the OAOAST United States Championship belt strapped around his waist. Heat points to his belt, and then raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Ring Announcer Et leurs adversaires ... introduisant en premier lieu, venus de Miami, en Floride, son poids de quatre-vingt-deux kilos ... il est le règne OAOAST champion des Etats-Unis ... COLOMBIENNE HEAT! COLE They love Colombian Heat here in Paris! A real ladies' man! COACH Oh, give me a break. Heat waits on the outside, as his music dies down. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance stage, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” blasts over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to life. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage, and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out, stopping to look at the size of the crowd. PRL looks all over the arena, and then takes a deep breath. He jumps up and down, snorts, and then walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, keeping his eyes focused on the ring. The crowd cheers louder than before. Ring Announcer Et son partenaire ... tag équipe originaire de San Juan, à Porto Rico, son poids de quatre-vingt-neuf kilos ... il est le NOUVEAU OAOAST poids lourd champion du monde ... PUERTO LA RICIENNE! PRL meets Heat in the aisle way, and they both slide into the ring. As Heat does the "W" hand signal in a corner, PRL does the HBK muscle pose as pyro goes off behind him. COLE Folks, set your VCRs, because this is going to be a historic match! Heat asks for a mic. HEAT Yo, kill da beat. PRL's music dies down. HEAT A'ight, y'all...I've been reading this handbook here to get ready for this, let's see how this works out. *clears throat* HEAT Si vous êtes prêt ... COLE HEAT Me voir et le nouveau champion du monde, Puerto la Ricienne... *crowd cheers* HEAT Thunderkid et Rejeter faire sentir la chaleur ... puis Paris, France ... faire un peu de bruit UP DANS CE -- CROWD BIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~! Heat hands the mic back to the ring announcer, then waits in the corner, as PRL steps out, as does Reject. *DING DING DING* COLE Here we go, Thunderkid and Colombian Heat starting us off! TK and Heat circle the ring, and tie up. After a struggle, TK backs Heat into a corner. However, Heat turns TK around, and holds him, causing the referee to step in and attempt to break. When he does this, TK delivers a right hand to Heat, then turns him around in the corner, and starts firing off rights. COLE And Thunderkid overpowering the United States champion here to start! The referee admonishes TK, which allows Heat to pull himself back to his feet, and start firing back on TK! COLE But look at Heat fight back! TK cuts him off with a knee to the gut, then sets up an Irish whip. Heat reverses, then drops down, and catches him coming back with a flying cross body! 1... 2... Kickout! TK tries a clothesline, but Heat ducks, and hits him with a dropkick! He then hits Reject with a dropkick on the apron! Heat wrings the arm of TK, and brings him into the corner, tagging in PRL. COLE The champ is in! PRL hammers away on TK in the corner, then spits on his hand and delivers one last big right! COLE And a BIG right hand! PRL then whips TK across, but TK bounces out and floors him with a clothesline! COACH And a BIG clothesline to counter! TK stops to catch his breath, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK then makes a tag to Reject, who comes in and gets caught with a Samoan drop! COLE Action fast and furious here in the early going! PRL stomps away at Reject, chasing him into a corner, where he fires off right hands. He then whips him across and charges, but Reject moves out of the way, then sends him to the mat with a spin kick! COLE Nobody home on that one, and then PRL caught a big kick to the face! Reject measures PRL, and drops a fist to the face! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK tags back in, and hops to the second rope as Reject holds. TK comes off with a double axhandle, then whips him into the ropes. TK puts his head down, however, and gets caught with a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! PRL delivers right hands, then sets up an Irish whip, but TK reverses, and lifts him in a PRESS SLAM~! COLE And look at the power here! TK slams PRL to the mat, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH And I think PRL should have tagged right there instead of going for the cover, that's that ego coming into play! COLE Oh, don't start. Reject tags back in, and delivers some forearm blows. COLE And there's a tag on the other side, so far, Thunderkid and Reject have been the more well-oiled of the two teams, I think you'd have to say. COACH Yeah, I'd agree with that, so far, but it's still early in the match, Cole! Reject knocks PRL to the mat, then runs to the ropes, but PRL catches him with a back elbow! PRL then waits, as Reject gets to his feet. COACH Like right now, why doesn't PRL tag? COLE It's the heat of battle, I think, Coach! COACH A likely story. PRL catches Reject with a Rock spinebuster, then walks a half-lap around to this head! COLE Uh-oh, could it be time, for the most electrifying move in sports entertainment? PRL kicks Reject's arm to the side, then slowly pulls his elbowpad off, and tosses it into the crowd. He then runs to his left, then hops over Reject...but on his way back, TK jumps to the floor and pulls Reject out by his foot! COACH Boy, TK and Reject dodged a bullet right there, though! However, TK and Reject don't have much time to regroup, as Heat comes flying down on top of them with a flying bodypress off the top rope! COLE And Heat flying on top of TK and Reject! Heat hammers away on TK, while PRL follows him out, and goes back after Reject, tossing him back inside. Heat hops back onto the apron, and sticks a foot out for PRL, which he rams the face of Reject into. Heat then tags in, and whips Reject across, catching him with a spinning wheel kick! Heat then signals for the end! COACH This could be it, Cole! Heat gets behind Reject, and scoops him up...but Reject manages to roll backwards to his feet and slip loose, then shoves Heat into the ropes, where TK is getting back onto the apron, and pulls the top rope down, which causes Heat to go crashing over them to the floor! COLE But no, Reject counters, and Heat goes out to the floor! TK trying to get back onto the apron, pulling the rope down, and Heat ends up flying over them! TK hops down, and stomps away on Heat, as Reject distracts the referee. TK then slams Heat sternum-first on the guardrail, and rolls him back inside, where Reject covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject stomps away on the corner, and the referee backs him off. TK then hops off the apron, and delivers shots to the chest. COLE And some nice teamwork here by TK and Reject, looking for a shot at the tag team titles, held by Team Heyross! Reject sets up Heat in the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! A third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then executes a back suplex, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject tags TK back in, and TK grabs Heat in a hangman's hold. COACH I don't know if I've ever liked this hold more! Lay into him, Reject! Reject measures Heat, and delivers a roundhouse kick to the abdomen! Heat rolls around on the mat in pain, and TK covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! TK picks up Heat, and whips him into a corner, then charges...but Heat moves out of the way! Heat then delivers right hands, the last of which TK ducks, and attempts a reverse sunset! However, Heat blocks, then catches a charging TK and drops him across the ropes in a stungun! COLE Nice stungun by Colombian Heat! Heat then climbs to the top, waits for TK to get to his feet, and comes off for a MISSILE DROPKICK~!...but TK sidesteps him, and Heat crashes into the mat! TK covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK drags Heat into his corner, and tags in Reject. Reject fires off rights on Heat, whips him into the ropes, and delivers a foot to the gut. He sets him up for the PITCH BLACK~!!!!!11111 COLE And now Reject looking to end the match! However, Heat backdrops out of it! COACH And now Heat needs to tag! Heat crawls towards his corner, but Reject is able to grab his foot. Heat gets to his feet, and he and Reject engage in a slugfest. Heat gets the better of the exchange, but Reject goes to the eyes. He whips Heat across, then drops down. Heat ducks a clothesline, then the two clothesline each other! COLE Double clothesline, both men down! The referee starts a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Both men start to stir, then roll towards their corners, and make tags simultaneously! COLE And tags made on both sides! PRL ducks a TK clothesline, and starts firing off rights, knocking him to the mat! PRL then catches Reject with right hands, knocking him to the mat, as well! PRL the sets up TK, and drills him with the CAPPA KILLA~!!! COLE PRL with the Cappa Killa on TK! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! TK gets the shoulder up, as the crowd starts booing. COLE What's this? The camera pans to the front of the aisleway, where Alfdogg has arrived at ringside. COACH What could Alf be doing out here? Alf goes around to the timekeepers' table, and grabs the World title, then raises it up to show PRL! COLE Alf taunting PRL right now, he's got his belt! PRL slides out and catches up to Alf in the middle of the aisle, tackling him and slugging away! COACH We're getting a little bonus action here, Cole! COLE PRL hammering away on Alf in the aisle! The referee yells at PRL, as Reject is staring at the battle, arms outstretched, wondering what the hell is going on, when Heat spins him around, and starts firing off right hands! COACH And meanwhile, Heat has been left alone in the ring! What a partner! COLE Oh, shut up! Heat ducks a spinkick, and floors Reject with the PELE KICK~! COLE And there's the Pele kick! Heat then ducks behind for the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!11111...but a figure comes from through the crowd, and kicks him in the nuts from behind! COACH What the... COLE ...Coach, that looks like Sandman9000! Sandman rips off his bandages, revealing that it is indeed him! He then picks up Heat, hooks him, and drills him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 Reject drapes an arm across, as the referee returns and counts... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Thunderkid and Reject pick up the win! What the hell is going on here? COACH ...if it's what I think it is, I like it! Ring announcer Mesdames et Messieurs, les gagnants du match de l'équipe ... et THUNDERKID REJETER! The crowd doesn't know how to react, as PRL rushes back to ringside and attacks Reject, but is attacked from behind by Sandman! COLE What is Sandman doing? What are all these guys doing? Sandman looks at TK and Reject for a second, and the three of them smile, then proceed to triple-team PRL! COLE Coach...am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Alf jogs back down to ringside, with a big grin on his face, and slides inside. COACH ...I think we are, Cole! I love it! Alf walks over to PRL, with his hands on his hips. The referee grabs Alf by the arm, and Alf turns around and wallops him with a right hand! COLE And there goes the referee! Reject picks up PRL, and drops him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE Reject with the Eulogy, as Alfdogg climbing to the top rope! TK chokes Heat in the corner, as Alf gets his balance on the top. Alf taunts the crowd, and comes down onto PRL with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COACH YES~! Alf then motions to TK, who brings Heat over to where PRL is...and drops him with the SCORPION DEATHDROP~!!!!!11111 Heat and PRL are left lying on their backs, with the tops of their heads next to each other. Alf grabs PRL's belt, as Sandman stands to his right, TK to his left, and Reject to TK's left, and everyone raises their hands in the air. COACH Boy, you were right Cole! I hope everyone did set their VCRs for this, this truly IS a historic night! Many fans are booing and heaving trash the way of Alf & co., but there are some cheers from the old school fans in the crowd. COLE This is unbelieveable, it looks as if we've seen an Alliance reunite here! PRL has finally made it to the top of the mountain, but it looks as if his title reign just got Deadlier! Alf holds the belt in the prone PRL's face, talking trash, then raises it back into the air as we... FADE TO BLACK

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory spends this Thursday night riding the bench, as the audio guys send out The Pet Shop Boys'Paris City Boy to provide a bouncing, and fantastically fun intro to the show. The introductory video is even more whimsical and lighthearted as streams of glittering pink light join with a furious fly through of the night lit streets of Paris. Between this fast paced dazzling visual are the images of our favorite OAOAST Superstars. As the video comes to a close it dissolves into... & We then cut directly to sofa central. And international flavored sofa central might I add! The entire announce table is painted in the colors of the french flag, and sparkling crystal replicas of the Effiel tower sit on both sides of the leather couch. Not life sized replicas, that would be some kind of health and safety hazard I assume. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, OAOAST HeldDOWN is shinning bright in the city of lights, Paris, France! Michael Cole with Da Coach, sitting at sofa central with one heck of view of the television debut of our European Vacation Tour! COACH Word to yo bomb ass pussy its time for some real shit to pop off! Across the globe, from continent to conteninent Da Coach stays sonnin lames and humpin dames! COLE And speaking of lames, internet wrestling message boards have been abuzz with predictions, speculation and anticipation for our massive number one contenders tournament! COACH I don't know if its all that massive. It only has eight people. COLE Why? Why can you not for once just say "Gee, Mikey, I'm practically bursting with excitement over here"? I assure you that for the winner, it will be more massive then anything they've ever done! Tonight we're kicking things off with the search for the new number one contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Eight men, vying for a shot at Tha Puerto Rican, in 45 days at School's Out. It's a traditional single elimination tournament and here's how the bracket looks going into tonight's first round... Here's a neat bracket, with a not-so neat tournament name! COLE Eight men who've never held the World Title before and a huge opportunity for one of them to follow in the footsteps of PRL back at AngleMania. With that in mind, our first first-round match is on the way, the first ever one on one meeting between Jamie O'Hara and Nathaniel Black. This one's been brewing for some time. Here's how it all got started, back in WDW in the month of May... COACH And 10 months on, they've had zero one on one matches. Disappointing. COLE Well, yes. But that changes tonight. Unfortunately WDW folded before they could settle their score there and it would be a few months before Nathaniel Black returned to the OAOAST, after the acquisition of HI-YAH. And the first thing he did after returning in London, England was attack Jamie O'Hara backstage. The two ended up trying to settle their differences in, of all things, a Penalty Shootout at November Reign. That ended with a 3 on 1 attack on O'Hara and a serious concussion delivered via a soccer ball to the face from Black. When O'Hara returned from injury in January, OAOAST President AngleSault tried to put a halt to the rivalry by teaming the two Englishmen up in the Anderson Cup, hoping that by teaming with one another Black would learn to respect the different style of wrestling that O'Hara impliments. That, unfortunately, didn't work out as Black laid O'Hara out after their elimination in the Conference Semi Finals. So now, finally, the two are paired up to settle their differences the old fashioned way. A battle of the Brits to kick off the #1 Contender's Tournament, let's take it to Michael Buffer. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, our opening contest is a First Round Match in the European Vacation #1 Contender's Tournament, scheduled for one fall! "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis begins to pump through the arena, accompanied by the flashing of red, white and blue strobe lights around the entrance way. As the intro ends, Nathaniel Black punches his way through the curtain, permanent scowl on his face as he unbuckles his 6-Man Tag Team Championship and raises it above his head with a shout. Black then walks on with nose turned up (well, we are in France) and the title over his shoulder. BUFFER Introducing first, from London, England. Weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds... he represents Cucaracha Internacional and is one third of the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... NNAAATTHHHAAAAAANNIIIIEEEEEELLLLL... BBLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black marches up the ring steps and into the ring, climbing the turnbuckles to punch his fists into the air again. The aggressive Englishman gets on referee Charles Robinson's back before the match has even begun, telling him exactly what he expects of him. COACH Finally, Nathaniel Black gets an opportunity around here. He has to be the most hard-done by wrestler in OAOAST history, thanks to bias American flag-wavers like AngleSault. COLE And like Landon Maddix, who pulled him from the 6-Man Tag Team Title match at Leap Year Spectacular and at Cibernetico? COACH Hey listen, Landon made an executive decision and it paid off. Until Cortez piledrove him... but, that's not the point. Landon ain't the problem. He sees something big in Nat Black and so do I, this is gonna be his chance to shine I'm calling it. "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pounds out next and Black's scowl becomes even scowlier, as Jamie O'Hara makes his way out. All business tonight, O'Hara heads straight down the aisle with none of his usual flash or excitement. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... he weighs one hundred, seventy six pounds. "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOOO'HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara slides into the ring and immediately Black marches over to give him the intimidation treatment. Going nose-to-nose, O'Hara doesn't back down and the two mouthy Brits exchange words and threats before the referee gets in between to seperate them. It's clear he's not going to be able to do that for long though, so he very quickly checks O'Hara out for weapons before calling for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Here we go... Straight on the bell, O'Hara runs at Black who throws a clothesline. O'Hara manages to duck underneath, but Black turns on his heels and WALLOPS O'Hara with the Black Lariat, dumping him right on the back of his head!! COLE Wham! It could be over already! 1... 2... NO! COLE Man, only two but O'Hara couldn't have wished for a worse start. He walked right into that Lariat, no more than ten seconds in. COACH Nathaniel Black is officially not playin'. Pulling O'Hara to all fours, Black delivers a couple of hard kneestrikes to the face of The Birmingham Bad Boy, before pulling him to his feet. Holding him by the head, he rears back and delivers another Lariat, quickly cradling O'Hara up again... 1... 2... KICKOUT! With a frustrated glare over at the referee, Black climbs back to his feet and waits for O'Hara to drag himself back up, loading up a third Lariat. COLE There is no feeling out process here, Black has gone directly for the kill tonight! O'Hara is already wobbly and unsteady on his feet, as he turns towards Black. Eyeing his bitter rival up, a loud roar escapes Black's mouth as he puts every ounce of himself into a third Lariat... NO, DUCKED! O'Hara avoids it and pulls Black down with a prawn hold... 1... 2... NO! Both men are back to their feet and O'Hara strikes first with a kick. Quickly he unloads with a series of quick kicks to the legs before leaping up and delivering a spinning back kick to the chest. Black takes only a couple of steps backwards though, before charging right back forwards and knocking O'Hara flying with a strong European uppercut! Falling into the ropes, J-OH isn't about to back down and comes right back at Black with some more rapid kicks. He gets caught behind the head and clubbed with another European uppercut though, this one keeping him down and knocking the wind out of him. COLE Man, these two are certainly making up for lost time here tonight! A breathless opening to this presentation of HeldDOWN~!, live from Paris, France, we thank you once again for joining us if you're tuning in a little late. After the frenetic opening, Black is happy to slow things down a little now. He stomps down on the chest of Jamie, twice, before pinning him against the bottom rope and choking him with his boot. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." 'Clean' break by Black, only to grab the feet of O'Hara. As O'Hara grabs the middle rope Black then pulls up and launches his opponent into the air. O'Hara shocks Black by pulling out a BACKFLIP and landing on his feet, then evading his charge and sending him tumbling through the ropes and to the floor! Before Black can get his bearings, O'Hara then hits the ropes and cartwheels through the air, TAKING BLACK OUT WITH A SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP ON THE OUTSIDE!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE INCREDIBLE MOVE! COACH They haven't seen anything like that in France since... ah fuck, I don't know nothin' about France. O'Hara tags the hands of some of the French fans, who don't seem to mind the fact he's an Englishman and are just having a good time. COLE Already the two contrasting styles are clashing here. Black determined to dominate with brute force while O'Hara is trying to use his speed and agility to out-fox his opponent. Dumping Black back inside, O'Hara heads for the top rope. In one leap he reaches the top, waiting for a second for Black to turn before taking off with a Flying Spinning Wheel Kick... but Black just about catches O'Hara, enough to drop him into a quick backbreaker. Flipping him over, Black then sits down and applies a camel clutch on The Birmingham Bad Boy. COACH But that's exactly where that style is going to get you. You keep taking those high-risk, low reward moves and sooner or later it's gonna cost you. Especially against someone like Nathaniel Black. COLE Who won't be taking any high-risks, that's for sure. Black sits back and asks the referee to check for a submission. Not coming yet though, so Black decides to try and force the issue by FISHHOOKING the mouth of Jamie O'Hara. Referee Robinson quickly breaks that up but Black isn't done yet. Reaching back, he grabs one of O'Hara's training shoes and pulls his leg back, tucking it under his arm while keeping the camel clutch applied! That simple twist puts J-OH in a world of hurt. But still he refuses to give up. Impatient, Black again fishhooks the mouth and after a count of five the referee forces him to break the hold. COACH See, we keep saying how hard O'Hara is to catch. But once you catch him, he ain't much of a wrestler. COLE I don't know about that... COACH He's not in the same league as Nathaniel Black, that's for sure. COLE On the mat? That may be true. But Jamie's tough, you can't deny that. With O'Hara on all fours, Black clinches up on the head and again delivers a hard knee strike to the face! And another one! O'Hara's body flails about as the knees rain in, a third and a fourth connecting before Black lets him go. O'Hara looks up dazed at the lights, until a knee drop comes down across his chest and he's covered... 1... 2... No! Black catches O'Hara before he can get up, trying to apply a Crossface (sharp exhale!). Before he can lock it in, O'Hara tumbles forward and escapes the hold, quickly to his feet. COLE That was a nice escape. COACH Eh. Black tries to attack again with another European uppercut. O'Hara turns away from it though, hooking Black up for a backslide. Setting himself and refusing to go down, Black blocks the pin attempt until he can get his footing, then leans forward to bring O'Hara up and over his back in front of him. A knee to the gut doubles O'Hara up, leaving him open for Black to grab his wrists and cross his arms in an 'x', covering his nose and mouth. O'Hara reaches his foot out in search of the ropes but is pulled back into the centre of the ring each time he gets close. With the arms still crossed over Black then pulls O'Hara backwards, driving a headbutt in between the shoulder blades! O'Hara falls to his knees and Black digs a knee in the back looking for the submission. COLE Very unique submission hold right here. COACH Very unique if you don't watch a lot of European wrestling. COLE And I suppose you do Coach? COACH Oh yeah. Big Daddy, the other big guy with the beard, all the greats. I'm a student of the game, come test me. Struggling to find away out, J-OH manages to get his feet back underneath him and throws his legs back looking to roll Black up. But Black sits down on it and pins Jamie down instead... 1... 2... NO! Black hangs onto O'Hara's baggy vest top as he gets back up, preventing him from getting away and allowing Nathaniel to pull him backwards, clubbing the kidneys with a forearm. COLE And Nathaniel Black, continues the weardown process. Scoop and a slam plants O'Hara. Black isn't satisfied with that though, picking O'Hara back up and sending him into a corner. From the opposite side Black charges in and sandwiches The Birmingham Bad Boy in the corner with a flying knee attack! Off the ropes, Black then catches O'Hara on his way out of the corner with another high knee and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Gutwrench, and a suplex, Black hooking both legs this time... 1... 2... Another Kickout! Well and truly pissed off now, getting right in the face of the referee risks a DQ for Black. He eyeballs Robinson, trying to intimidate him, before going back after O'Hara. COACH So, we're in France with two English wrestlers... why do we have to have an American referee? COLE What difference does that make? COACH Plenty. As O'Hara reaches his feet, he shocks Black with a forearm to the face! Black shakes it off and responds with an elbow strike. O'Hara comes right back with another forearm though and the French fans begin to get behind him. Looking to put an end to the exchange, Black delivers a hard European uppercut. He manages to knock O'Hara off his feet, but The Birmingham Bad Boy rolls right back up and connects with a desperation Busaiku Knee Kick to put Black down!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Both men remain down, with referee Charles Robinson starting a standing ten count. COLE What an effort from these two, all in pursuit of the shot at the World Championship at School's Out. And this is just the first match in the tournament! COACH Only one these guys are gonna still be in the tournament in Spain next week. And I know everybody there loves Cucaracha Internacional, they're all pulling for Nat' Black right now. After taking advantage of the count to recharge their batteries, it's Black up first at the count of '6'. O'Hara is close behind him though. Looking to keep the pace at a minimum, Black grabs a headlock. O'Hara is quick to shoot him off, dropping down as Black rebounds off the ropes. A leapfrog follows... but Black catches O'Hara! Backing into a corner, Black aims O'Hara towards the opposite set of turnbuckles and charges... only for J-OH to slide down back, looking for a sunset flip... 1... Black rolls through, attempting a boston crab. However O'Hara manages to bridge up and pulls Black forward in a body-scissors. The Brit manages to avoid faceplanting into the mat. But as he pulls himself back up, his face gets mashed regardless, by a spinning wheel kick from O'Hara! Cover... 1... 2... No! COLE O'Hara starting to quicken the pace, which is bad news for Nathaniel Black! With forearm brandished, Black charges, right into a hurricanrana and a cradle of the legs... 1... 2... NO! Finding himself near the ropes, O'Hara ducks to the outside while Black pulls himself to his feet. The sudden change of pace has left him off his guard and he takes a second to realise where O'Hara is, that being behind him. And that second proves costly, as O'Hara springboards and connects with a missile dropkick! COACH O'Hara sees his opportunity and follows up with a STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS, hooking a leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Oh, that was a close one! But The SuperJay is most certainly building some momentum here! Favouring his ribs a little as he climbs to his feet, up to the middle rope heads O'Hara. After flashing a sign towards the Paris crowd he then stands, waiting for Black to take a step closer before tumbling forwards with the Blockbuste... NO! Black sidesteps and O'Hara... LANDS ON HIS FEET! O'HARA Hells yeah! Off the ropes runs O'Hara, as Black realises his sidestep didn't work as perfectly as he thought. Seeing Black come towards him, O'Hara tries to go through the legs with a baseball slide. But he gets caught and muscled back up by Black, right into a HALF NELSON BACKBREAKER!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Well, he caught him. Cover by Black... 1... 2... NO!! Flipping O'Hara over, Black goes right for the Crossface Chickenwing though! O'Hara manages to get to his feet in a flash with Black clinging onto his arm, trying to apply the chickenwing and reel him back in. A reach for the ropes fails for O'Hara who barely has the strength to pull the 238 pounds Black around and ends up getting pulled back into the centre of the ring. But he still has one arm free and throws back an elbow! Another! And a third, managing to fend Black off! COACH This is desperation at this point, nothing more. Shaking off the elbows, Black goes for the arm again. O'Hara pulls off a surprise switch however, ending up behind Black and pushing him forward into the turnbuckles! Hitting shoulder-on, away from the corner staggers Black. O'Hara quickly knocks him down with a kick and ducks out of the ring, signalling he's going up top again. COLE This is no desperation move though! This could be the 630. COACH He's not moving too fast up those ropes now though, is he? Coach is right as O'Hara struggles from the effects of the backbreaker on his way up top. He still reaches the third floor unscathed though and points imaginary guns down at Black beneath him, letting out a "BOOM" before taking off, tumbling through the air with the 630... ...BUT NOBODY HOME!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Black rolls out of the way and O'Hara bounces HARD off the canvas. As he gets back to his feet, O'Hara is then measured... and scythed down with a Lariat!! COLE Devestating clothesline... but Black isn't done! Signalling for the end, Black hauls O'Hara roughly back to his feet the moment his body hits the mat. Half nelson, elevated up into the Half Nelson Backbreaker again! This time though he holds on, not letting O'Hara fall to the canvas. Crossing the arms underneath the body, Black roars and quickly elevates O'Hara up again... before this time sitting out with the BRITTANIA BOMB!!!! COLE That's gonna do that! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Nathaniel Black wins the first one on one meeting with Jamie O'Hara and he is going to the semi-finals! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing in the #1 Contender's Tournament... NATHANIEL... BBLLLLLLLAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Throwing the limp legs of O'Hara away from him, Black climbs back to his feet looking pretty pissed off for a guy who's now just two matches away from a World Title shot. Pushing referee Robinson aside he kneels down next to O'Hara and puts the badmouth on him, before SLAPPING the defenceless Brit across the face! Only then is Black willing to have his hand raised in victory, throwing his other hand up with a "V" for victory. COLE On this occassion O'Hara may have taken one risk too many. And it backfired, as he misses the 630 and was swiftly put away by Nathaniel Black, who now awaits the winner between The Cuban Wall and The Mad Cappa in the semi-finals! Black steps over O'Hara and retrieves his 6-Man Tag Team Title, exchanging a few heated words with some of the French fans as he does so. Security is quick to step in as the arguementative Black tries to go nose to nose with one fan who's giving him a hard time, Black daring the "frog" to meet him outside later if he "wants a kicking". Black then marches off, while in the ring O'Hara holds his head in his hands as he lays hurt on the mat. COLE One semi-finalist determined, we've still got three to go. A packed night of action here in Paris, don't go anywhere as we will be right back! I don't know that fool cole is talking about, I still have another segment before break. Thunderkid and Reject are seen walking together backstage, stopping when they see Alfdogg staring at them. Alf gets a grin on his face, then lets out a sarcastic laugh. ALF Are you kiddin' me? You guys are gonna get back together and win the tag team titles? TK and Reject look at each other, then look at Alf. ALF How are you guys gonna co-exist out there against real competition, after the way you guys split? REJECT That's all in the past, Alf. All that matters right now, is that this team was destined to be champions. And tonight, that road begins again. ALF Hey, you know what, that's great. Because PRL just won my title at AngleMania, and all that matters to me is getting it back. So whatever you two can do to soften him up tonight...*shrugs* not that I really need it, that just makes it all the better. TK It's great that you have aspirations...but we're doing this for us, so you just sit back and watch. Because tonight, we're going to make history. *crowd cheers, as TK and Reject continue their walk.* ALF Maybe you will...maybe you will. We fade out with an extreme close up of Alf's possibly sarcastic, maybe a little evil, and certainly not very nice laughing face. COMMERCIAL LATER ON HOUSE OF WORSHIP WITH GUESTS: Former One and Only World Tag Team Champions The LONESTAR GUNSLINGERS

OAOAST European Vacation! not to be confused with April 17, 2008 - Barcelona, Spain April 24, 2008 - Glasgow, Scotland May 1st, 2008 (Milan Spectacular) - Milan, Italy May 8th, 2008 - Birmingham, England May 15th, 2008 - Belfast, Northern Ireland COLE Okay, we've seen three of our first round matches in the number one contender's tournament and we're about set for our fourth in a few moments. A lot of history between Leon Rodez and Christian Wright, since the very first moment we saw Wright arrive in the OAOAST three years ago. Their paths cross again tonight, but for once it's not because of that history but with the goal of moving one step closer to the World Heavyweight Championship. COACH Well, I know Theodore Moneymaker's a confident man. He feels like finally Christian's in a position to break out and make a big name for himself, thanks to the guidance and backing of The Enterprise. Leon on the other hand? I mean, he's been around for almost four years now and he's done pretty much everything, except be World Champion. So he's got something to prove tonight as well. COLE That's right. For all Leon's ability and popularity, it's amazing to think he's had only two, maybe three shots at the World Heavyweight Championship total. And I think the majority of the OAOAST fans feel it's about time that changed. After being caught up in personal situations for so long, is now the time for Leon Rodez to put his career back on track and chase that elusive run at the OAOAST World Title? We're going to find out soon enough. Todd Cortez of course awaiting the winner next week, let's got to the ring to this final first round match... The Parisian crowd rise to their feet one more time as "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top hits and out heads the OAOAST's top Financial Analyst. And, for that matter, the only Financial Analyst. Stepping onto the stage, Christian Wright adjusts the lapels of his red polyester jacket and smiles in self-satisfaction as Mackenzie DeCenzo shows him off to the Paris crowd. Patting his briefcase, Wright gentlemanly allows Mackenzie to head to the ring ahead of him as he makes his way down to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is a first round match in the European Vacation #1 Contender's Tournament, scheduled for one fall! On the way to the ring, becoming accompanied by the Chief Financial Officer of The Enterprise, MACKENZIE DECENZO! Now residing in Washington D.C... he weighs in at approximately 8 1/3 bars of gold! Representing The Enterprise, he is "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHRRRIIIIIIISSSSSTTIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAANN... WWWWRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHTT!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stepping into the ring, Wright loosens up his tie and gets rid of the business attire, as he steps out of the boardroom and into a big one on one encounter. Mackenzie takes possession of the briefcase and keeps it safely in said possession, even when the referee tries to confiscate it as a foreign object. COACH Dude better watch himself. Those are some confident papers in there, suckers have been killed for touching less. COLE Are there also some 'confidental' bricks in there by any chance? COACH Please, the thing's made of metal, it's heavy enough and solid enough as it is. COLE ... COACH I mean... uh... no. As Wright continues to process of getting himself ready, making you wonder why he really needs the shirt and tie for his entrance anyway, the fans erupt for the cueing of "Rock The Casbah". Wright turns his nose at the reaction for his bitter rival. And the reaction only gets louder and more prolonged, as Leon Rodez's black and purple robe sweeps out through the entrance. Smile on his face as you'd expect, Leon does a quick twirl before heading down the aisle, tagging away at the hands of the fans. BUFFER And his opponent! Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan and weighing in tonight at two hundred, eighteen pounds... "THE NEW-AGE LOVE MACHINE"... "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, this is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Leon jogs up the ring steps, stopping at the top as he gets a first look at CW. Shaking the head, he climbs to the middle turnbuckle and salutes the crowd before vaulting on in over the top. COACH You'd have thought with Mackenzie out here, maybe Leon would have brought out 'Miss Women's Champion' with him, huh? Which leaves me with two conclusions. One, Maggie's scared of Mackenzie. Or two, there's a little trouble in paradise, shall we say? COLE Well Maggie doesn't have an active manager's license. COACH You mean to tell me she had a wrestler's license when she won the Women's Title? COLE You'd have to ask OAOAST Head Office about that. COACH Exactly. No matter. I'm sure Mackenzie and Maggie will be getting better acquainted at some point in the future. *taps nose* Away goes Leon's robe in the hands of a ringside attendant, Wright's jacket far too expensive to be handled by French peasants apparantly as it stays under the bottom turnbuckle with his briefcase under Mackenzie's watchful eye. COLE I talked to Leon earlier and he's feeling good tonight. He got a good luck message from California earlier tonight from Jade Rodez. I can guarantee you, that meant a lot to him considering the stress of recent weeks... caused, of course, by Christian Wright's boss, Theodore Moneymaker. As the match gets under way, something peculiar happens. Up at the top of the ramp, Die Hard Dick Danger has set up an old lawn chair. He's kicked back in it, with a six pack in his lap. *BELL RINGS* These two, having quite the past, immediately lock up, with Christian quickly shoving Rodez down to the mat. Rodez rolls backwards and up to his feet, then they immediately lock up again. Christian shoves him down again. Rodez rolls back to his feet, teases going in for a lock-up, but fakes out Wright and gets a single-leg takedown. Rodez grabs a leg, but is shoved down when Wright places his foot into Rodez's chest and pushes. Both men come up and Leon scores with a quick armdrag. Both back up and Wright gets a quick armdrag. Both men get up and throw dropkicks at the same time, blocking each other's moves. Both get up and start exchanging chops at such a rapid speed that it would be pointless to archive each individual chop. Wright finally stops it with a knee to the mid-section. Wright comes off of the ropes, but runs into a back body drop by Rodez. Leon comes off of the ropes and goes for a jumping back senton...Christian rolls away and Leon hits nothing but mat. Wright's up immediately and throws a low kick to the seated Leon, but Rodez ducks back to avoid it. Leon kips up, then goes for a bodyslam. But, Christian slips out the back side and then hits an atomic drop. With Rodez bent over in mid-ring, Christian runs. He bounces off of the ropes behind Leon to gain speed, then runs and bounces off on the other side. He charges ahead...and runs right into a dropkick to the face! PIN! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men are up, Leon first. Rodez gives Wright an Irish whip into a corner, then charges in after him. Wright gets his boot up and Rodez eats it. Christian runs out of the corner and leaps over Rodez, going for a sunset flip. Leon rolls out of it, then dropkicks the seated Wright in the face. Leon pulls Wright up, forgoing a cover. Rodez sends Wright off with an Irish whip. Wright comes off of the ropes, ready to throw a clothesline. But, Leon leaps and goes behind with a schoolboy... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Rodez gets up before Wright and pulls him into a small package... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Rodez grabs Wright by the arm and gives him an Irish whip as they're coming up to their feet. Christian ducks the clothesline, so Leon runs the opposite direction. They bounce off of the ropes on opposite directions; Leon nails Christian with a flying bodypress into a cover... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Wright quickly pops up to his feet, dazed...then stumbles through the ropes and goes to the outside. COLE These two have had their battles, but Leon Rodez is full force ahead, which has been too much for The Natural. Wright is collecting himself at ringside. The referee isn't counting since he's distracted trying to get Leon not to do a dive onto Wright. Wright collects his thoughts, as MacKenzie tries to comfort him. Christian finally points her away and slowly crawls onto the apron. Leon backs off as Wright comes back through the ropes. Wright's strategy seems to be slowing down Rodez's high-speed offensive attack, which is working, as he slowly manuevers his way into a collar-and-elbow lock-up. Wright grabs onto a headlock. Rodez lifts him in the air, but Wright reverses the momentum and brings Rodez down with a grounded headlock. Rodez works his legs upward, and escapes the headlock by bringing Wright into a side headscissors. Wright performs a bridge, then quickly drops down and kips up to throw Rodez off-guard and escape the headscissors. Christian grabs Rodez's heel before he can get up and rolls him backwards onto his feet. Christian goes back to the headlock while standing. Leon locks his arms around Wright's wrist, then rolls to his side, rolling Wright with him. However, Christian keeps ahold of the headlock and applies it on the mat in a seated position, yanking back almost like a crossface. COACH You can tell that these two came into the match with completely differing strategies to counter-act what they knew the other was going to do. Currently, Christian Wright is slowing the speedster down and wearing him out with headlocks. Wright cranks on the hold, trying to squeeze the life out of Rodez's head. Leon grabs Wright by the waist and rolls him to his side, onto his shoulders... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men come up to their feet and Rodez scores with a snapmare into a lateral press... ONE! KICKOUT! Both men up, Wright goes back for a headlock takeover, but misses Rodez and falls to his stomach. Rodez hooks the near arm around his shin, then rolls over Wright and hooks his arm, bringing him into an inverted crucifix cradle... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men back up to their feet, Rodez immediately drops down and brings Wright down to his stomach with a drop toe hold. He grabs Wright's near arm and starts wrapping it for La Magistral, but Wright turns around mid-twist and brings Rodez over with a schoolboy... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Wright grabs a front facelock as both men rise to their feet, but Rodez quickly twists out and grabs a side wristlock. Wright rolls himself to untwist his arm, then tippy-toes around Rodez's back, wrapping his arm around Leon's neck so he can come around the front and lock in a headlock to escape and reverse. Rodez pushes his palm up underneath Christian's jaw, then gets under him to shove Wright into the ropes. The referee orders a clean break and Rodez gets away quick enough to not necesitate a count. Rodez says something to the referee about the count...and gets a boot to the stomach for his troubles. Wright then leaps over Leon, going for a sunset flip...but Leon sits down and hooks Wright's legs under his arms... ONE! TWO! ...Wright uses his leg strength to bring Rodez over into a sunset cradle... ONE! TWO! Rodez rolls out! He's on his feet and charges at Wright...but Wright puts his feet up and monkey flips Leon over the top rope! Rodez lands hip-first on the edge of the apron, which sends him flying face-first into the guardrail! COACH That's not good... COLE Not at all...he could've blown out his hip, knocked himself out, gotten a concussion, cut himself open bad, broken an orbital bone...nothing good can come of this. Wright comes to his feet and looks down at Rodez, whose blood starts slowly trickling out of his forehead out of a small cut. The referee leaps out of the ring, concerned, as Rodez looks to not be moving... COACH Our official is calling out more referees...never a good sign. COLE Of course, right as something serious and important happens, we have to take a time-out....more HeldDOWN~! in a few! *COMMERCIAL BREAK* COACH We're back, and things are not looking great... Christian Wright is still standing in the ring, now bowing sarcastically over what he's done. Leon Rodez is being helped to his feet by a bevy of referees and agents, as his face is both red from blood and bruised from the header he took into the guardrail. A replay is shown of his bad bump. As the referees are helping Rodez to his feet, Wright comes through the ropes and stands over him on the apron. The referees start assisting Rodez in walking to the locker room...but two steps in, Christian comes off of the apron and hits a diving knee strike to the back of Leon's head, knocking down the referees helping him and sending Leon back into the guardrail! COLE Christian Wright, you piece of garbage! Wright pulls Rodez up and throws him back into the ring, then slides himself in and goes for a cover. He has to yell for the referee to come back in, and seconds later the ref does... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Wright yells at the referee to count faster. Christian pulls the groggy Leon up with a front facelock, then lifts him for a vertical suplex, holding him upside-down in the air and letting the blood rush to and out of his head. The crowd starts counting under their boos as the seconds pile up... ...NINE! TEN! ELEVEN! TWELVE! THIRTEEN! FOURTEEN! FIFTEEN!... ...and Wright brings him crashing down with the suplex. Wright looks down at himself and sees Leon's blood on his skin. He grabs a hankerchef out of the referee's pocket and wipes the blood off of himself, then tosses it on the ground, much to the referee's chagrin. He then goes for a lateral press with no leg hooked... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Wright immediately gets up and stomps Leon right on the wound. Wright looks out to the crowd, who do not like what he is doing, and takes another bow. He pulls Rodez, who is starting to become dead weight, up to his feet slowly, then sends him off to the ropes with an Irish whip. Rodez bounces off the ropes and Wright catches him with an attempted sleeperhold, but Leon somehow finds the adrenaline to go to the side and shove Wright off to the ropes. However, he cannot do much more to defend himself, as Wright easily bounces off of the ropes and BLASTS Leon with a spear! Wright floats right into a cover... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Wright, looking angry, immediately pulls Rodez up and throws him into a corner. Wright blasts Rodez, whose blood is now covering his face, with a chop, followed by another. Christian pumps up really big for the third chop...but Leon pushes up his feet and kicks Wright in the arm! Wright stumbles backwards, but composes himself and charges in, nailing Rodez in the jaw with a deadly European uppercut! Wright sends Rodez into the opposite corner with an Irish whip, then charges at him and crushes him with a double-kneed leaping strike, one of the knees catching Leon right under the jaw. COLE Wright using a signature move of the Silky Smooth One to punish him further in what has quickly turned into a brutal match! Wright backs out of the corner, motioning for Rodez to come at him. Leon stumbles out of the corner, then runs right into a European uppercut that sends him flying back into a seated position into the corner. Wright steps in and chokes Rodez with the sole of his boot. The referee counts him off... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ...Wright breaks cleanly. He then grabs Rodez by the feet and tries pulling him up out of the corner to drop him on his back...but Rodez backflips onto his knees and sends Wright off with a punch to the jaw! Rodez is still doozy from the damage he's received, which gives Wright time once again to shake off the blow and send him back into the corner with a shoulder charge to the mid-section. Wright grabs Rodez by the wrist, pulls him out of the corner, and right into a short-arm clothesline! Wright pulls Rodez up by the wrist, then performs another short arm clothesline. Wright pulls him up a third time, pulls him in short-arm style...then goes for a sleeperhold again! This time, Rodez quickly drops down and performs a jawbreaker to escape! Wright stumbles back into the ropes from the impact, then dazily strolls forward. Rodez sticks his legs up, looking to go for a bodyscissors victory roll of sorts...but Wright snaps out of it and drops down, nailing Rodex with a fistdrop right onto the wound! COACH Rodez is taking a wicked beating here! These two are by far not the best of friends, but this is something else! COLE If Rodez continues to bleed like this and his defense mechanisms continue to dwindle, the referee really should stop this match! COACH If Wright finally gets that sleeperhold he keeps going for, it's for sure lights out for the Grand Rapids Golden Child! Wright pulls Rodez up slowly, using a front facelock. Wright shakes his head, with sweat flying out of his hair, then drops Rodez with a DDT. Wright leans backwards on Rodez, basically sitting down using him as a backrest, for the pin... ONE! TWO! TH-KICKOUT! Wright immediately comes to his feet and starts arguing with the referee. While this is going on, behind his back, Leon Rodez is crawling to the ropes, attempting to use them to pull himself to his feet. He's up to one knee, then Wright turns around and immediately blasts him with a running kick to the face. Wright rolls Rodez under the bottom rope and onto the apron. Wright climbs out to the apron next, then pulls Leon up to his knees with a front facelock. Wright pulls Leon fully to his feet, hooking Leon's right arm around his head. He yanks up on the tights, attempting a VERTICAL SUPLEX ON THE APRON! COLE You don't have to do this! He's injured plenty, Christian! Christian is having a hard time lifting the dead-weight Rodez. He gets Leon lifted half-way up and Rodez starts wiggling his legs. Wright sets him back down and delivers a forearm to the back to settle him down. Christian re-hooks him and lifts him again. Rodez tries wiggling out again, so Christian sets him down and delivers another forearm. Christian brings him up for the third lift....but Leon's wiggling works, as he swings back down and drops Wright face-first on the edge of the apron with a DDT! COLE WOW! CROWD OOOOOOOH!! COACH Both men are down! The referee's starting his count on Rodez! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ..Wright rolls back into the ring, but he's still down! FIVE! SIX! ...Rodez has pulled himself up using the apron... SEVEN! Wright is up on one knee... EIGHT!...Rodez is half-way in.... NINE! T....RODEZ IS IN! Wright's up and walks over to Leon...but gets a headbutt to the mid-section! Rodez is up and comes off of the ropes...but runs right into another sleeperhold attempt! He tries going to the side, but Wright keeps ahold of the sleeper! Rodez gets under Wright and tries pulling himself down for a jawbreaker, but the hold is locked in tightly. Rodez can't wiggle out of it, and finally Wright brings Rodez down, falling on top of him. The crowd is cheering... "LEEEEEOOOOOON!" "LEEEEEOOOOOON! "LEEEEEEOOOOON!" Clapping and stomping in rhythm, trying to get Leon back up to his feet, can be heard! The referee's checking the hold, showing it's not a choke. He then lifts Leon's arm up... ...and it falls down! The referee lifts the arm up again... ...and it FALLS DOWN! The referee lifts it up again, knowing that one more drop and the match is over!... THE CROWD IS YELLING NOOOOOO! ....and it stays up! The crowd pops huge! Wright tries putting more weight on Leon's head, but Rodez is rolling onto his stomach! He's able to move to his feet much easier. He gets to one knee, as the crowd's cheering him on! Rodez slowly moves up to a standing position. Wright is trying to maneuver him back down, but it isn't working. Rodez is walking over towards the ropes, as Christian keeps ahold of the sleeper. Rodez places his foot on the 2nd rope, then steps up the other foot onto the top rope. The referee seems to be eerie of breaking the hold, even though Rodez is in the ropes. Leon puts his other foot on the top rope, then punches Christian Wright repeatedly, square in the temple. After the fourth punch, Wright loosens up his grip, allowing Rodez to grab onto Wright's head over his shoulder. Rodez pushes off of the ropes...and Feedback THIS! COLE Leon's come back from the almost-dead to hit one of his signature moves! Leon crawls over and lays on Wright... ONE! TWO! TH..... KICKOUT! CROWD OOOOOOOOOH! Rodez has a determined look on his blood-red face, as the plasma drips from his skin. He pulls himself up using the ropes, as Wright is up to one knee in a daze. Both men come to their feet and stagger to mid-ring. Christian throws a punch, it gets blocked, and Leon hits a jab. Wright throws another punch, blocked, Rodez hits a jab. Rodez doesn't wait for the next block and gets in his next jab, followed by a fourth! The crowd is HOT, as he blows a bloody kiss at MacKenzie before stepping back, leaping up, and BLASTING Christian upside the head with an enziguri! COACH MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Wright goes down, but is up a few seconds later, holding the back of his head. The crowd is behind Leon 100% as he comes off of the ropes and goes for the Shack Attack...but after the roll, he gets caught and driven DOWN INTO THE MAT with the Wright Off! ONE! TWO! THR..... KICKOUT! CROWD OOOOOOOH! Wright pulls Leon up immediately and Irish whips him into a corner. Christian charges into the corner, but Rodez rolls out and dodges his opponent. Rodez is in mid-ring as Wright turns around...and Rodez nails the Superman Spear in the corner! Wright stumbles out of the corner, right into a sit-out hiptoss. Leon rolls Christian backwards by the ankle, back onto his feet, and Irish whips him in the opposite direction. Rodez bends down, telegraphing his move, and Wright kicks him in the chest, then immediately knocks him down with a superkick! Christian immediately flies up to the top rope, then nails a frog splash! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEE......KICKOUT! Christian can't believe it, as the crowd cheers! Wright pulls Rodez up in a double-underhook position, signalling he's attempting the Nightmare on Wall Street! Rodez drops down to a knee, blocking the lift. Wright forearms Rodez in the back, then goes for the double-underhook again. This time, Rodez incredibly powers Wright up on his back! Wright is hanging upside down off of Rodez, holding onto Leon's arms. Rodez is visibly struggling to keep Christian up in the air, as the crowd applauds him. Rodez then backs up into a corner! Wright's ankles get tangled up behind the top turnbuckle and he's hung in the tree of woe. Leon walks to center-ring, rubs his wound, then looks at the blood on his fingertips, points at Wright, charges forward, and dropkicks him in the face! The impact causes Christian's ankles to unravel, as he crumbles down to the mat. Rodez pulls Wright up and shoves him into the corner stomach-first. Rodez backs up, then hits the double knees to the back! Wright stumbles backwards, as Rodez hooks Wright's head and hits another Feedback This! COVER! ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOOOOOOOOUT! The crowd unravels as Leon pounds the mat, pumping himself up. Rodez grabs Wright's head over his shoulder and pulls him up like that. He lifts Christian up across his back, going for the Banana Hammock. Wright grabs onto Rodez's head and applies a sleeper, but Leon backs up into the corner and the impact breaks the hold. Leon turns around and immediately hits a rolling Koppo kick. Leon gets up and grabs Christian by the back of the head, then shoves him throat-first across the middle rope. Leon does his little dance...then Calls That Bitch Bojangles! The crowd approves, as he calls for one more. He does his dance again and throws in a "giving head" motion to MacKenzie, then comes off of the ropes...he dives in...and Christian moves! Leon sits on the middle rope, feeling the negative effects of crotching himself. Wright, holding his back, latches onto Rodez with a waistlock. He pulls Leon out of the ropes, then hits a bridging German Suplex! ONE! TWO! THR....KICKOUT! Christian is visibly fatigued, but is trying to move Rodez over towards the ropes to set up for the Conversion Rate. However, Leon knows what he's going for and plants himself down to get a low center of gravity and block the movement. Wright changes his gameplan and butterflies the arms again for the Nightmare on Wallstreet. This time, he gets Rodez up on his shoulder...but Leon slides out of the hold and brings Wright over with a backslide! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEE....... KICKOUT! Rodez is up first and hits a standing dropkick to the jaw of Wright, knocking him down. Rodez looks up at the top rope, then looks to the crowd. The crowd's noise level rises, knowing what he's alluding to, as he goes to the apron and starts climbing... COACH This could be the 450! If Leon hits this, match OVER! Leon is on the top rope, Wright laying below. Rodez's face is covered in crusted blood. The crowd is chanting... "LEEEEEOOOON!" "LEEEEEOOOON!" Rodez takes off....one rotation...WRIGHT MOVES! LEON LANDS RIGHT ON HIS SURGICALLY RECONSTRUCTED KNEE! COLE Leon went down for months with that knee injury and everything the surgery corrected could be un-done with that one high-risk! Wright, who sat up, looks around and sees Rodez clutching his knee. Christian pulls himself up to his feet, then grabs Leon's feet and drags him to mid-ring...he grapevines the legs...WALL STREET CLOVERLEAF! He hooks the legs and tries to turn the hold, as the crowd screams for Leon...but Christian turns it over...and sits down on it! The crowd screams for Rodez, as Wright cranks on the knee. Rodez has trinkles of blood dripping down his face, as he tries crawling to the ropes with his and his opponent's body weight on him. Rodez is performing the strength to pull himself across the mat. The crowd screams for him...he's close to the ropes...and Wright drags him back to the center of the ring! COACH This doesn't look good for Leon Rodez! Rodez is firmly planted in mid-ring, his injured knee constantly cranked in the Wall Street Cloverleaf. He can't push up to flip Wright out of position to crank the hold, so he turns sideways and grabs Christian's ankle. He then starts twisting it, almost going eye-for-an-eye. Both men are cranking at each other's limbs, as Leon tries to fight off the instinct of tapping out. COLE This isn't just about their own personal hatred or any gang war; this win will get these men one step closer to the biggest crown in the sport, something they want more than words can express! Both men are almost horizontal, as Wright's starting to crumble under the pain of the anklehold. They see that both of their holds have been basically rendered ineffective and almost at the same time, they let go. The crowd applauds the heart shown by these men, as they come up to their feet gingerly and slowly. Once they're up, both are standing mid-ring. Rodez BLASTS Wright in the face with a forearm strike, and Wright responds with a European uppercut. Rodez responds with a forearm and gets another European uppercut for his troubles. Wright has Rodez dazed now, so Christian decides to run and bounce off of the ropes. He comes charging...and runs right into a forearm to the face! Wright's down on one knee, so Rodez snap-judges and hooks him in a butterfly position, then nails a Tiger Driver! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE KICKS OUT! COLE I can't believe it! Rodez lays back out of pure exhaustion. Rodez pulls himself up out of the sheer drive to win. He grabs Wright and pulls him to his feet, but Wright has the energy to kick him in the stomach. In one big rush of adrenaline, Wright hooks the arms, lifts Rodez, and nails the NIGHTMARE ON WALL STREET! But, he doesn't go for the cover! Christian pulls Leon up by the hair and points to the top rope. He muscles Leon up onto the top turnbuckle, then climbs up top himself. Christian hooks Rodez and looks to be going for his finisher, the Stock Market Crash, OFF THE TOP ROPE! He pulls on Rodez, but Leon has snatched onto the top rope and won't let go. Wright delivers two stiff elbows to the back of Rodez's head. He pulls on Rodez again, and no movement. He goes to strike Leon again...and gets a forearm to the face! Rodez blasts him with another, then another! Finally, he grabs the back of Wright's head for added impact and HEADBUTTS him so hard a thud can be heard through the arena! He lets go of Christian...and he tumbles to the mat! COLE He might be out! Rodez looks around at the crowd again, who are cheering him so loudly! Rodez looks down at his knee, which is killing him, but then looks up at the sky and knows World Title chances are rare. So, he loosens the knee brace, then stands on the top rope, takes off.... ...AND HE HITS THE 450 SPLASH! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEE! *DING DING* BUFFER YOUR WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEER AND ADVANCING TO FACE TODD CORTEZ IN THE CONTENDERSHIP TOURNAMENT....LEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON ROOOOOOOOOOOOODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! COLE WHAT A PERFORMANCE! These two warriors unquestionably left it all in the ring tonight! This years-old rivalry came to a head once again tonight with insanely high stakes, and on this night, Leon Rodez was the better man. But even then, these men showed insane skills and heart en route to having what has to be considered an incredible match-up! Referees and officials swarm the ring, as both men lie in the ring, lifeless. Water is poured on both men, as MacKenzie yells for her man to answer her. Leon sits up after assistance from officials, as the pain from his knee is starting to set in again. At the top of the ramp, Die Hard folds up his chair and holds the last can of beer up in a strange toast before carting his chair backstage. COACH Ultimate risks were taken in this bout, but for Leon Rodez, it might lead to the ultimate reward in the long-run. COLE That was unusually diplomatic of you. I would've thought you'd say "Yo fuck that dude Leon Rodez. Ya'll know ol boy be on some Big Boner Boys gay porn type steez. Only way you make money in porn is takin it in the BUTT. Homeboy soft as hell to. got them greasy lips like he be goin down on a bottle of armor all." COACH You just said it for me. The camera cuts to the backstage area. Thunderkid and Reject are WALKING~! Both men have serious expressions on their faces. The crowd cheers. COLE And there are Thunderkid and Reject. Reunited, and they are looking to get some tag team gold here in the OAOAST! The camera cuts to another part of the backstage area. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, The Badd Boyz, are standing in place. PRL is bouncing up and down while Colombian Heat sways from side to side. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder, while Colombian Heat has the OAOAST United States Championship belt around his waist. Heat stops swaying from side to side. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! THA PUERTO RICAN So, you ready? HEAT Yeah. Yeah. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat do their secret handshake. A handshake so secret that I can't even describe it to you in this segment! Sorry! HEAT Let's do it. PRL All right. Come on! The Badd Boyz start WALKING~! The crowd cheers loudly. Both Heat and PRL have determined, focused looks on their faces. COLE And there are The Badd Boyz, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Tha Puerto Rican and the OAOAST United States Champion Colombian Heat! Both men already own singles gold. Now they will try to go for tag team gold for the first time ever as teammates! What a match this should be! It's going to be one hell of an explosive main event coming up in just a few minutes, fans! We will be right back with more OAOAST HeldDOWN~! from Paris, France right after this! COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT

Guided by a gently moving camera and Paramore's That's What You Get we're taken on an intimate elevated angle wide shot of the Seine River before returning to the venue where Josh Matthews waits with OAOAST Poster Boy, Franchise and all time grrrrrrreat, Zack Malibu! Big pop! JOSH Josh Matthews, hangin' out backstage, and right now I am here with none other than The Franchise of the OAOAST, the one and only Zack Malibu. MALIBU Josh, how we doin'? JOSH I guess the question on everyone's mind, Zack, is how are you doing, especially after being snubbed by Bohemoth at Anglemania? MALIBU Me? Oh I'm doing just fine, Josh. In fact, I find it all really amusing. With Bohemoth, you have a guy who at one point was nothing more than a lackey...a big bruiser for Christian Wright. Here's a guy who broke out on his own, looking to be his own man. Here's a guy that was so desperate for a chance to be noticed that at one point he went off and invaded our home offices. You remember that, don't you Josh? JOSH I do. MALIBU Now, putting the past in the past and forgiving those indiscretions, Bo came into his own. The man is a BEAST, and he has torn through this roster like no other, BUT...you knew there was gonna be a "but", didn't you, Josh? JOSH I had that idea, yes. MALIBU He got a little too overconfident. Hey, we're all guilty of it, myself included. Confidence is a driving force, it's a motivator, but too much of it and then you come across as just another smarmy, ungrateful PRICK. JOSH Ouch. MALIBU Too harsh? Maybe. The way I see it though, is that Bo's just transferring his own character flaw, that being his overconfidence, onto me, and making it seem like I wanted to "ruin his moment". Ruin your moment? I wanted to GIVE YOU YOUR MOMENT, you stupid bastard? You humbled me, you pinned me clean as a whistle, one two three to that canvas, at the biggest event this company can possible put on. You beat me at the SHOW. Anglemania, you beat Zack Malibu. You beat a former World Champion, Bo. Not some pushover Conquistador who would be clamoring for any attention he can get. You didn't beat someone like a Landon Maddix or a Christian Wright, who might try to put on a brave face to do just what you think I did. You beat Zack Malibu. You beat THE MAN, and I was willing to suck it up and show the world that yes, you were better than me on that fateful Sunday night. That despite having your jaw knocked loose and blood pouring out of your mouth that the raw power you possess was too much for me...I was ready to GIVE YOU THE MOMENT YOU DESERVED, and instead you took the low road. It's a well known fact that this company was built on the blood of the Originals, and it was five years ago that Anglesault himself decided to show me the respect I worked so hard to earn. You can like me, Bo, or you can hate me with all of your heart, but you will RESPECT me, and the same goes for anyone else in this locker room busting their ass. You know why a certain old running buddy of yours is so despised, to the point we don't even mention his name? Do you know how Popick got to be so loathed, to the point where he put the fans on the side of Tha Puerto Rican? It was because of their lack of respect, not just for me, not for anyone in particular, but for this company. You're better than them, Bo...or at least I thought you were. Not shaking my hand didn't give you your Anglemania moment, Bo...it gave you my attention. Do you know why I agreed to face you at Anglemania in the first place? Because things had been breaking down so badly between you and I that it was the only way to let it out. I agreed to face you so that I wouldn't have to do it again, and yet here we are. We're going to meet again, Bo. We're going to meet again real soon, and win or lose, I'm going to extend my hand to you again. It's up to you to decide if you made the right choice at Anglemania, or if you're ready to make up for it. FADE OUT. We return to the arena where the lights on the entry way are dimmed in preparation for our next match. COACH Zacck a fool for that one. He ain't droppin disses on little ass dudes like Mariachi, he talkin reckless bout one big ol monster. Whiteboy bout to get his wig split for that one. Shoulda taken ya L and kept it moving, franchise. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT FIRST ROUND ACTION LEON RODEZ VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT NEXT

cappa/wall????????

A fly through past the lush French countryside into the sprawling yet beautifully historic metropolis that is Paris is serenaded by Aly and Aj's . COLE Fantastic show right now, but let's go up the ramp, where we understand Josh Matthews is standing by. Josh? (Cut to a shot of Josh standing right in front of the entrance set, ala Mean Gene on Nitro) JOSH Ladies and gentlemen of France...please first let me introduce the interpreter for this interview, Pierre LaRue! (a random pudgy man in a beret bows) He will hopefully help you understand what my next guest is about to say...at one point, this man held this company's X-Division title, then smoothly transitioned into a popular top star, but just as fast as his rise burst him into the stratosphere...he came crashing down to a halt. He's attempting to make the comeback of the year, from the sewer of drugs and decay to the lights of the OAOAST World Title...please welcome back SLYYYYYYYYY SOMMMMMMEEEEERS! ("Orange Crush" by REM starts up, and out comes Sly, in a suit, to a mixed reaction from a crowd who feels sympathy for Sly's struggles, but still see him as unlikeable to an extent) JOSH Sly...how does it feel to be back on HeldDOWN~! LIVE?!?!? SLY Well...I'll be honest: there was a time I didn't think I'd ever make it back to an OAOAST show after the crap I've gone through. But, this is the first step and I want to thank all of you for being here. I understand your tepid acceptance of me...trust me, I wouldn't trust me either. I know I have to earn every single person's trust back who I hurt by my actions and I'm more than willing to do that. JOSH One man you said you wanted to earn their trust back is Zack Malibu... SLY Yeah...and that's why I wanted this time specifically. I saw the deal last week where Bohemoth talked about how Anglemania was "his moment" and he didn't owe anyone a thing...and it's a bunch of crap. If it weren't for Zack, there wouldn't be an Anglemania at this point. Dude's been here since the beginning and he's pretty much the biggest figure in this promotion. When you beat him, you made yourself. You showed the world that you're the real deal. You're right about that. But if it weren't for Zack and the work he's done to make this place what it is...you'd have proved NOTHING on that night. So don't you go around here... (Bohemoth comes out on stage on the other side of Josh) SLY Well, big man...guess I got under your skin. I'm not trying to come out here and be all angry and stuff. It's SO frustrating when I see someone following in my bullcrap footsteps. I tried the same thing, rebelling against Malibu to make my name. It's good in the short-term for your career...but it'll come back to burn you. It's not the right thing, re-think your decision, man. BOHEMOTH It didn't work for you...because you're a pip-squeak. I'm six-foot-seven, 300-plus pounds. I destroy anything I see if I want it gone. Especially people who think they've earned the right to question the way I act, after throwing their careers away. Nobody cares what you think. I know this is my time and NO ONE is standing in my way. Not some weasely tag partner, not some bleach-blonde lunkhead "legend"...and certainly not a pillhead pencil-neck. (Crowd goes "Ooooooh!") And the best part is, I can say and do whatever I want because I'm the most dominant athlete you've ever seen! SLY That's cool, bro...the bouncing pecs and huge biceps and stuff. What you don't seem to understand is, yeah, I am a recovering drug addict. Yeah, I am a screw-up. But, I'm back for redemption. I'm back to right my wrongs. I'm back to pay my debt to those who I owe...one of which is Zack Malibu. BOHEMOTH Yeah, I've heard the spiel. Fact is, you're a druggie midget and I'm a dominant monster...*shoves Sly* and there's NOTHING you can do about it. SLY (fuming) Bro, you must not watch tapes or something, because *steps up* I don't back down from anyone. I don't cower from anyone or anything, no matter how big and mean and strong. You step up to me, I'll step back twice as hard and twice as fast! I'm going to help Zack out...next week, I want you in that ring and in that ring, I'm going to slap the respect and good sense into your head that you need to pay to Malibu! BOHEMOTH You...(chuckles)...YOU think you can do something about me? Fine, bro. Next week, I'll have no problem making you into a stain on that canvas. (Both men get face-to-face. PHOENIX Hey! (On the stage, James Cone is standing with a mic, scowling at the ring) PHOENIX This is hilarious. (looks at Bohemoth) Bo, I know you want to kill him right now, but please...I got some business with ol' Sly too. (Bohemoth backs off, you can hear him yelling "You're dead next week, bro!" in the background, Phoenix looks at Sly) What's the deal with what you said about me, Sly? I tried the phone, I tried the mail, I tried your old lady (crowd laughs), and I got nothin'. So I figure I'd catch you out here and ask. SLY Um...listen, I'll talk to you sometime later about it. I'm sorry, I got to get going. I have a beanstalk I have to chop down in seven days, we can talk after I bring down Bohemoth...(Sly walks away) JOSH Well, I guess we have a match set for next week, Sly Sommers returns to the OAOAST to face Bohemoth on HeldDOWN~!...(turns to Phoenix) You okay, man? PHOENIX Yeah...next week...(Phoenix walks off) JOSH More hD~! in Three! COMMERCIAL VOICE OVER Two hours of HeldDOWN not enough of your favorite OAOAST Superstars? Now you can connect with them 24/7, with IamontheOAOAST.com the hottest new networking site on the web brought to you by the OAOAST and MTV. VOICE OVER Hook up with other OAOAST fans, create your own page, post videos, and chat directly with OAOAST superstars, only on IamontheOAOAST.com. And go to Rhapsody.com to download the music from this episode of HeldDOWN~!

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... OAOASTShop-Just cuz ur lame enuff to wear wrestling shirts doesn't mean you have to look like it also! Now Available! A Muslim CALL TO PRAYER blaring in the background, we pan in on the holiest of sites, Abdullah Nerdly’s HOUSE OF WORSHIP. Guided to the podium by his bevy of virgins, the Inspirational Leader kisses the ground and then blesses the hostile crowd. COLE Who does this guy think he is, the Pope? COACH No, but the Pope sure as hell wishes he was Abdullah Nerdly, the most respected and influential spiritual guide in the planet. He’s also one heck of a promoter. ABDULLAH Thank you my virgins, and welcome... welcome indeed to my House of Worship. Tonight’s live sermon deals with the importance of UNDERSTANDING. But before I go any further I ask that you bow your heads and join me in moment of silence in fond remembrance of the former One & Only tag team champions, the Heavenly Rockers, whose reign brought joy to millions worldwide. The Colonel holds back tears as he pays tribute to Synth and Logan. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE You won’t find too many people mourning your the loss, Colonel. COACH I suppose your one of them? COLE All I’ll say is the Heavenly Rockers got what they had coming. With the snap of his fingers, one of the virgins wipes away the tears running down Abdullah’s cheeks. ABDULLAH On a more upbeat note, the Heavenly Rockers congratulate Theodore Moneymaker and his Enterprise on their victory at AngleMania. One of the few bright spots that evening in L.A. But enough about the past, let’s focus on the present and the relationship of my guests this week. Accompanied by my wicked half sister MELODY NERDLY, here are Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH I welcome you publicly but pray for your violent demise privately. Allah willing. MELODY Nice to see you too…big brother. ABDULLAH (laughs) Nothing you say can rattle me tonight…little sis…because unlike yourself or Baron Windels I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND you’re a nuisance. I UNDERSTAND Baron’s a stubborn Texan. BARON Now you listen and listen real good, Abdullah. Melody and I didn’t come on your show to be insulted. In case you forgot, and it seems you have, all parties agreed to be civilized to each other. Make no mistake about it, there’s no love lost here. ABDULLAH I remind you, sir, this is a House of Worship and I am a man of peace. Threats of any kind will not be tolerated. BARON Well then I suggest you stay on point and refrain from personal attacks, or I may just end up sending you to those 72 virgins sooner than expected. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" ABDULLAH COACH After being reminded he’s standing on holy ground, I cannot believe that bully would threaten our Inspirational Leader’s life. COLE Our? Speak for yourself. Abdullah Nerdly isn’t a shaman but a sham. The Colonel adjusts his collar and faces Jock Mulligan. ABDULLAH Brother Jock, as the only other fair-minded person here, your thoughts on playing second-- No, no, no… THIRD fiddle to the Baron and Melody Show? MELODY Prepared to answer the question Baron steps in front of Jock. BARON (to Jock) Hold on a second, brother. (to Abdullah) What the hell kind of question is that? The Lone Star Gunslingers are a team. It’s one for all and all for one. ABDULLAH Then why freeze Jock out of a tag match and treat him as a baby? BARON Jock’s like my little brother, man. JOCK Little brother? I’m a grown man. BARON I know you are, bro. I’m just saying how you, me and Melody view each other as family. JOCK Yeah, but your little brother?! It certainly explains a lot though. The last few weeks you’ve been “protecting” me… it was keep me in your shadow because little brother Jock was beginning to outshine big brother. Is that it? BARON That’s the farthest thing from the truth, man. You were hurt. Everyone in this company knows you’ve got a bright future. I couldn’t let you risk that by competing in meaningless match. JOCK Jesus, Baron, your problems are my problems but my problems aren’t yours? I mean, you got us into war with the Heavenly Rockers -- a war YOU lost -- and I was there fighting with you to the bitter end. Yet when I get into a firefight with the Enterprise it’s meaningless? MELODY Jock, please. JOCK Here we go again. Melody Nerdly sticking her nose in other people’s business. You want meaningless. Look no further than Miss Melody for meaningless. MELODY Abdullah nods approvingly and quite ecstatically. JOCK You know what? Hindsight being 20/20, I regret apologizing for spitting at you at AngleMania. I’m sorry, but your half brother is right… you are a nuisance. COLE I can’t believe what I’m hearing. BARON Jock, listen to yourself, man. You're being a dick. JOCK You got it wrong, big man. I’m doing something I should’ve done a long time ago. BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOWii! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Melody rushes to Baron’s side after being released, the lone Gunslinger bleed profusely. As EMTs and OAOAST officials arrive on the scene Jock grabs the HOW mic. JOCK Now that’s being a dick. ABDULLAH "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Get this man -- and I say that loosely -- out of here. Jock Mulligan, you're a dick! Let’s go to break or something. As a wide shot of Jock's carnage slowly zooms into a medium shot of the disgraced ex-champ we fade out COMMERCIAL When we return to HeldDOWN~!, we find Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix already in the ring with Megan Skye in the background. As usual. MADDIX Ah, thank you, thank you. Mercy! Mercy! (Megan whispers in Landon's ear) ...sorry, merci. Although I'm sure being French, you're more used to saying 'mercy' nowadays. But, I kid. Tonight I'm not out here to make jokes at France's expense. That task is more than well in hand I'm sure you'll all agree. No, tonight, I'm here to offer one lucky Frenchman the chance to escape all of that. To escape the stereotyping, the mocking, the general shunning of by the rest of the world. Because, tonight, the Cucaracha Internacional European Scouting Tour begins. And tonight, I'm going to offer one local the prize of a spot in Cucaracha Internacional. All they have to do is beat me to earn it. So, with that in mind, let's bring out the man looking to restore national pride here in France! Come on out! Generic French sounding music begins to play as a young kid in blue amateur wrestling gear jogs to the ring, waving cheerily to the French crowd. He slides into the ring, keeping a nervous distance from Landon Maddix as he climbs to his feet. Landon eyes the youngster up a little, sizing up his possible newest recruit. MADDIX Is it wrong that I expected you to cycle to the ring with onions around your neck? COACH The kid looks confused, but Landon wasn't really expecting an answer. MADDIX Okay. So, let's get the formalities out of the way first of all. I am, of course, Landon Maddix your prospective boss of Cucaracha Internacional, should you manage to beat me here tonight. And, you are... Landon tilts the microphone towards the kid, who nervously looks out at the fans before speaking. MOREAU Je m'appelle Patrice Moreau... et j'habite á Paris, en France! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX (pretending to understand) Yeah, uh... that's great. Truly poignant words. For which, I wish you good luck monsteur. In a show of cultural sportsmanship, Landon offers his hand and the nervous Frenchman finally starts to relax a little as he shakes his opponent's hand... *DINGDINGDING!* ...only to get booted in the gut the moment the bell rings! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Cheapshot from Landon Maddix, sacre bleu! COACH Now come on, he waited for the bell to ring. He was probably just trying to get in before this kid started waving the white flag. The French crowd whistle derisively, as Landon pops Moreau in the cheekbone with a forearm. A second. And then a third. An irish whip then sends the young Frenchman for the ride, Landon leaping up to meet him with a Dropsault on the way back! On one knee, Landon twirls his fingers around a big, fake French moustache with a grin while Moreau holds his chest in pain. COLE There's a man with his finger on the cultural button, right there. Picking Moreau back up, another forearm connects before Landon loads the youngster into the corner. Maddix follows in with a big leaping forearm smash, then makes for the ropes. Out staggers Moreau, right into the path of Landon who snares him around the head with his left arm, swinging himself around the back and bringing him down from the right side with an inverted bulldog! COLE Oh! We saw that move at AngleMania, tremendous speed and athleticism whether you like it or not. With Moreau grabbing the back of his head, Maddix makes a nonchalant cover... 1... 2... ...sits up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maddix wags a finger and says that's not it. COLE Come on. COACH Say what you want Michael, but Landon Maddix... he's all about second chances. He's giving Todd Cortez a second chance after all of his misdemeanours in recent weeks and now, giving this poor kid another chance to make something of himself. You have to admire that in a boss. By the hair, Landon drags Moreau up. The Frenchman looks dis-orientated and has no answer for a straight kick to the sternum, knocking him down and against the ring ropes. The referee admonishes Landon for this and threatens to end the match for him. But Landon just tells him to ease up as he helps Moreau back up again. Wringing the arm, he lifts Moreau up into a fireman's carry and picks his spot, before tossing him up and CRACKING him on the way down with the big knee!! COLE Well, it's bonsoir for this youngster. Landon leans back against the unconscious Frenchman, hands behind head... 1... 2... 3! *DINGDINGDING!* There Landon stays, kicked back and relaxing as Megan climbs into the ring to 'congratulate' him on his 'hard-fought' victory. Helped up by her, Landon shrugs as the crowd show their disapproval. BUFFER Your winner of the match... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And there will be no French representative of Cucaracha Internacional in the near future. COACH Thank God. Take ya frog-leg eating ass back where ya came from, punk bitch! COLE Coach... he comes from Paris. Which we're in. COACH Oh, yeah. Sorry, force of habit. The gracious La Cucaracha again shakes the hand of Moreau, albeit this time with him laying unconscious on the canvas at his feet. Landon then takes one last moment to mug for the fans before he and Megan head off with whatever point they were looking to prove tonight proven. COMMERCIAL LATER ON TONIGHT WORDS FROM THE FRANCHISE JOSH MATTHEWS 1ON1 WITH ZACK MALIBU (this color scheme is booty!) BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…the NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins blaring over the P.A. system. *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* The crowd comes alive almost immediately. The lights go down inside of the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the entrance theme song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke, a HUGE smile on his face. PRL has that smile on his face as he power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, but for a change, looking at all of the fans in attendance. The crowd continues cheering PRL on. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is back on HeldDOWN~!, and look what he brought with him! Tha Puerto Rican comes to the ring wearing an unbuttoned white dress shirt, a gold chain around his neck, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up, and black dress shoes. In addition to that, he is also wearing sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, and is carrying the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. PRL’s hair is now spiky. COLE The newly crowned OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion is about to speak to the Lightning Bolts here tonight! COACH I’m still in shock over what went down at AngleMania VII! He actually did it! He finally did it! COLE Indeed, he did, Coach! Tha Puerto Rican is now the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! COACH Ugh. I think I am going to be sick. Again! Tha Puerto Rican stops at the end of the entrance ramp to “smell the electricity”. He does The People’s Eyebrow, and then chuckles. COLE Tha Puerto Rican was in San Juan all last week celebrating his Title win, but now he is back on HeldDOWN~!, on OAOAST TV for the first time since defeating Stephen Joseph Popick to win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania VII! As “Know Your Role 2000” continues blaring, Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap hands with the fans. He then power walks around the ringside area. PRL plays to the crowd and points to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt as he power walks around the ring. COLE Last Sunday night was the end of a 10-year long journey for Tha Puerto Rican! After several misfires, after several failed attempts, PRL walked out of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion despite the efforts of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH It could have been the end of Tha Puerto Rican. But instead, it was the beginning of Tha Puerto Rican’s World Title reign! UGH! COLE Indeed it is, Coach! Indeed it is! Tha Puerto Rican climbs up the ring steps. PRL does a little jig on the ring apron. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow. He smiles and then enters the ring through the first and second ring ropes. PRL spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican places the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in front of him, and then does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. PRL has a wide smile on his face as this happens. PRL jumps up and then jumps down for the final burst of pyro. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE The dream came true at AngleMania VII, and now Tha Puerto Rican is living out his dream live on HeldDOWN~! Tha Puerto Rican grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and plays to the fans. The crowd is still cheering loudly. PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and then raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head with a smile on his face. A HUGE burst of pyro explodes out of a ring post! The crowd cheers. PRL then exits the second turnbuckle and then walks on over to the opposite turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head again with a HUGE smile on his face. Another HUGE burst of pyro explodes out of another ring post. PRL plays to the crowd some more. COACH I am already sick of this celebration and it’s only been 5 minutes! COLE Coach, let him have his moment! He’s waited his entire life for this! COACH No. Tha Puerto Rican jumps off of the turnbuckle and then heads to a third second turnbuckle. PRL raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. The crowd cheers again. PRL smiles on the turnbuckle. COLE It has been a long, hard, bumpy road for Tha Puerto Rican to get to this point. A 10 year journey that only really started getting serious back in June of last year. Nearly a year later, after several memorable battles, Tha Puerto Rican stands before us holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt! COACH UGH! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the turnbuckle and then walks with a swagger in his step to the fourth and last turnbuckle. PRL climbs the second turnbuckle and then raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. The crowd cheers again. PRL scans the crowd for fans, and then smiles. COLE Don’t forget later tonight, Tha Puerto Rican will be in action, teaming up with Colombian Heat to take on Thunderkid and Reject with a shot at the OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Titles on the line! COACH If PRL and Heat win…oy. COLE Hey, PRL is on a roll, it might happen! COACH UGH! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to a turnbuckle. PRL raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head. A HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage! Then more pyro! Then more! Then more pyro! Then more pyro! Fireworks explode over the ring! Then red, white and blue confetti starts falling from the rafters as one final burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage! COACH Is he done yet!? PRL heads to the opposite turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head again with a smile on his face. More red, white and blue confetti falls from the rafters. Red, white and blue balloons fall from the rafters also. COLE What an entrance for the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH UGH! As the red, white and blue confetti and balloons continue falling from the rafters, PRL plays to the crowd on the second turnbuckle. PRL chuckles and then jumps off of the turnbuckle. He stands in the ring as confetti and balloons continue falling. PRL smiles. COLE We are about to hear from the World Heavyweight Champion for the first time since AngleMania VII! COACH He better make it short and sweet. We ain’t got all day! Tha Puerto Rican takes a deep breath, soaking it all in, and then calls for a microphone. He gets one from a ringside attendant. PRL thanks the ringside attendant. COLE That was nice of him. COACH BLARGH! ARGH! COLE Coach is so mad he can’t even form coherent words now! COACH AAARRGGGHHHHHH~! Tha Puerto Rican stands alone in the ring, holding a microphone in his right hand and carrying the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. He smiles. “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE The tournament to crown a new #1 Contender is well underway. Nathaniel Black eliminated Jamie O'Hara to advance to the Semi-Finals. Spanish Fly already eliminated from the tournament, thanks to a loss at the hands of “Urban Legend” Todd Cortez. COACH Things just get worse for the Corporation don’t they!? COLE They haven’t been on a winning streak since AngleMania, that much is for certain. COACH *Sigh* Tha Puerto Rican looks at the cheering crowd. The crowd gets louder by the second. PRL nods his head and smiles. The camera cuts to several PRL signs in the crowd. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE Listen to this response from these Parisians! COACH Bah! They’re French! What do they know!? PRL scans the crowd in amazement. He adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then paces back and forth inside the ring. COLE No matter where we go, PRL is universally loved! COACH Kill me now. PRL continues pacing back and forth in the ring. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” PRL smiles at the chant. COACH Well, just speak already! COLE Coach, he’s soaking in the moment! He’s waited his whole life for this! COACH I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to hear him speak! Come on already! Tha Puerto Rican walks into the center of the ring. He brings the microphone outward, tilts his head back, and brings the microphone to his lips. The crowd buzzes in anticipation. THA PUERTO RICAN Finally… “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Finally… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Finally… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN FINALLY…Tha Puerto Rican…is ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT…Champion. “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!” COLE It has finally happened! PRL now can add World Champion to his already impressive resume! COACH Ugh. Tha Puerto Rican goes back to pacing back and forth in the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT’D) Finally, last Sunday night, after all of the games, after all of the backstabbing, after all of the screwjobs, after all of the losses, after all of the pain, after all of the blood, after all of the sweat, after all of the tears, Tha Puerto Rican went into the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum the challenger, and came OUT of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum…Champion. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL stops to soak in the cheers. COACH This is so depressing to watch. COLE Not to these fans it ain’t! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” PRL “smells the electricity”, and then continues talking. PRL Tha Puerto Rican made a GUARAN-DAMN-TEE! Tha Puerto Rican gave you his word! Tha Puerto Rican made the promise of promises to the Lightning Bolts! And I DID NOT LET YOU DOWN! No, I did not. Tha Puerto Rican did not let you down, oh no. THA PUERTO RICAN DELIVERED! PRL raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in the air with his left hand. More cheers follow. COLE He kept his word to his fans, The Lightning Bolts! He mad them all happy last Sunday at AngleMania VII! PRL slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt back over his left shoulder. PRL The games are over! The battle has been won! I stand before you World Heavyweight Champion and I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER! OH YEAH BABY! THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN I EVER HOPED IT COULD BE! COLE The dream came true finally last Sunday! PRL I gave it my all and let me tell you, the wait was SO worth it! Everything that I have gone through over the past 10 years was worth it because I stand here alone holding *this*! (The crowd cheers) Now right now, I’d like to send a little shout out to somebody for helping me last Sunday night at AngleMania VII. (The crowd perks up, knowing who PRL is talking about) Now he and I haven’t seen eye-to-eye too much in the past, but…he DID offer me a helping hand (even though I didn’t want it), and for that, hey, I GOTTA give him a shout out! Tha Puerto Rican turns to the camera. PRL (CONT’D) So, Mad Cappa, we’re not friends, but I DO have a lot of respect for you! Very much so! Thanks for the help last Sunday night, and who knows? You might beat Cuban Wall tonight and go on to fight me for the World Title at School’s Out! And I have absolutely no problem having another match with you, Cappa. If that match does happen, you bet your ass that it’s going to be one HELL of a FIGHT! Because I will NOT go easy on ANYBODY no matter who they are! And THAT’S the truth, Ruth! The crowd cheers. PRL nods his head and grins. He gives the camera a cheesy thumbs up. COLE Imagine if we get Tha Puerto Rican vs. The Mad Cappa for the OAOAST Championship at School’s Out in May? What a match that would be! COACH I’d rather stick dynamite up my BUTT than watch that match again! COLE You just might! Cappa is a favourite to win the tournament! COACH So is Wall. COLE And they’ll fight each other in a First Round Match later on tonight on HeldDOWN~! THA PUERTO RICAN Now, I am sure that the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is absolutely CRUSHED that I defeated their oh-so-’glorious’ leader last Sunday night! I am sure that they are crying as I speak! I am sure that they are whining and complaining, bitching and moaning about how The Mad Cappa ruined their plans and that I was dead before he showed up! I am sure that they hate The Mad Cappa and myself a THOUSAND times more than they already did! Well, I can’t speak for The Mad Cappa even if I tried to, but I CAN speak for myself! And Tha Puerto Rican says this, simply put, I’ll make it short and brief. Tha Puerto Rican says this: Vitamin X: your role, know it; Stephen Joseph Popick: your mouth, shut it; Cuban Wall: your llama’s anus, lick it; Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick: your dirty panties, wear it; the rest of you Corporate jabronies: my dick, SUCK IT! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!” COACH HEY! How DARE he speak like that! He’s our World Heavyweight Champion for crying out loud! COLE He can do what he wants! He IS the Champion after all! COACH He’s not gonna get away with this! COLE And who’s gonna stop him? YOU!? COACH … COLE Yeah. Thought so. THA PUERTO RICAN And Stephen Joseph Popick…Stephen…my dear old friend…don’t be too sad. Don’t get too down. I mean, sure, you lost the World Title in front of over 100,000 people at the biggest event of the year despite all of your efforts not to lose. But look at the bright side! Look at the positives! Look at what you’ve still got! I mean, you’ve still got a lot to be thankful for! You are still the leader of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. You are still married to Lindsay. You are still filthy stinking rich. You are still the owner of a beautiful house. You are still the owner of luxurious cars. And you are still the owner of the best penis implant money can buy! COACH HEY! PRL But even after last Sunday night, Stephen, as we stood in the middle of the ring and I pinned you 1-2-3 to beat you for the first time ever and win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship for the first time ever, it became crystal clear that Tha Puerto Rican OWNS the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, AND Tha Puerto Rican also OWNS YOUR FOUR-EYED CANDYASS! The crowd cheers loudly. COLE Looks like Popick got PWNED~! last Sunday night at AngleMania VII! COACH ARGH! The crowd chants “P.R.!” some more. PRL paces back and forth in the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN Now, before we continue on, Tha Puerto Rican has got one thing to say. It’s something very important and very special that I just have got to say. So, listen up everyone, because Tha Puerto Rican is going to say this once and ONLY ONCE! So, here it goes. Tha Puerto Rican stops pacing back and forth in the ring. He removes his sunglasses causing the girls in the crowd to SQUEAL~! For some reason. PRL has a serious look on his face. The crowd buzzes in anticipation for what PRL is going to say. PRL brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN Thank you. “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Thank you to all of you! Thank you to those of you in this arena. Thank you to those of you watching on television! Thank you to those of you who sent me e-mails. Thank you to those of you who sent me messages and comments on MySpace and Facebook. Thank you to those of you who chanted my name. Thank you to those of you who never gave up on me! Even when the chips were down, even when all hope was lost! Thank you to those of you who were right by my side every step of the way! Thank you to those of you who BELIEVED in me! Thank you to those of you who had my back since day one! Thank you to EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY LIGHTNING BOLTS WHO HAD FAITH IN ME! Thank you for joining me on my journey to the top! This belt is as every bit of yours as it is mine! Thank you for the respect! Thank you for loving and caring about me! Thank you all SOOOO very much! Thank you for the support! THANK YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The crowd EXPLODES in cheers! Tha Puerto Rican looks at the fans misty eyed. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has love for ALL of his Lightning Bolts! COACH This makes me sick! The camera does a wide pan of the arena. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican wipes his eyes. He chuckles. COLE PRL loves all of the support that he gotten on his journey to the World Title. COACH Big deal. Whoopee doo. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican puts his sunglasses back on. He slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder again. THA PUERTO RICAN All right. Enough of that mushy, gooey, sentimental crap! Let’s get down to business! Tonight is the start of a BRAND NEW ERA here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! The PRL Era! And in the PRL Era, we do things a little differently. No more screwjobs. No more crooked referees. No more using corporate connections to get what you want. No more politics PERIOD! Starting now, EVERYBODY gets a fair share! EVERYBODY can get a piece of the pie! I won’t use ANY influence to keep people away from me or my Title! And this #1 Contender tournament is a good example of this! COLE The #1 Contender tournament already underway here tonight on HeldDOWN~! THA PUERTO RICAN We’ve had a few matches, and that’s great! Because that is what the PRL Era is all about: fair opportunities! I took full advantage of my opportunity last Sunday night at AngleMania VII, and look at me now! LOOK AT ME NOW! COACH After 9 tries. COLE Shush. THA PUERTO RICAN And now, I want somebody else to get their shot. The old way has hurt the OAOAST for WAY too long now! Well NO MORE I SAY! NO…MORE! We’re changing things here in the OAOAST, for the better. The more, the merrier is my motto! You want a shot at me? You want a shot at the OAOAST Title? Then, JUST BRING IT! But be forewarned…I won’t go down without a fight! I will not go quietly into the night! I will fight until my last breath! Tha Puerto Rican won’t lay down for NOBODY! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN So, be ready, Lightning Bolts, for there is a new gun in town! And he is Greatness Personified! He is the Latin Lion! He is the P.R. Menace! He is The People’s Champion! And he is THE MOST Electrifying Man In Professional Wrestling! He IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, THA PUERTO RICAN! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN And there is not a damn thing Stephen Joseph Popick OR the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation can do about it! Stephen Joseph Popick’s reign of terror is OVER! The PRL Era has just begun! “Work itmake itdo itmakes usharderbetterfasterstronger” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH YES! THANK YOU POPICK! The pulsating beat of “Stronger” by Kanye West pumps throughout the arena. This causes the crowd to boo LOUDLY. The entrance doors slide open, and Stephen Joseph Popick steps out onto the entrance stage, solemn. Popick is wearing his eyeglasses, in addition to a blue dress shirt, a gold chain around his neck, a blue tie, a black sports jacket, an expensive watch on his right wrist, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up, and black dress shoes. Hands in his pockets, the FORMER OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion looks down at the entrance stage. He sighs, and then looks up. Tha Puerto Rican is staring a hole right through him. Popick sighs again, and then walks down the entrance ramp. COLE The FORMER OAOAST Champ is here! And he’s heading towards the ring! COACH THANK YOU POPICK! SAVE US FROM THA PUERTO RICAN’S WRETCHEDNESS! COLE Popick and PRL about to be in the same ring for the first time since OAOAST AngleMania VII! There is no pyro, no cocky mannerisms, no taunting, none of the usual from Popick tonight. Instead, the man who lost his most prized possession 11 days ago simply walks to the ring, ignoring the catcalls and the jeers, and focusing on who is in the ring. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion from October 31, 2007 until last Sunday, March 30, 2008. COACH And what a reign it was! Perhaps the greatest World Heavyweight Championship reign in One And Only AngleSault Thread history! COLE Well, I wouldn’t go that far. COACH He defended the belt more than some *other* Champions in this company’s history! COLE True dat. But there were men who held the belt longer than Popick. COACH They don’t count. Only Popick does! Stephen Joseph Popick stands near the ring. He sighs. COLE Did Popick blow all of his budget on getting Kanye West to perform live at OAOAST AngleMania VII? Where is his usual pomp and circumstance? COACH Silly, Popick never blows all of his budget! He’s got plenty of more where that came from! Stephen Joseph Popick climbs up the ring steps. He then walks across the ring apron. He wipes his feet on the ring apron, and then enters the ring underneath the top ring rope as “Stronger” continues playing. Popick walks around the ring, staring at Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican stares at his former mentor, manager, friend and “Career Consultant”. He adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Popick calls for a microphone. PRL hands him *his* microphone. COLE Whoa, that was…odd. COACH You’re telling me! The hell!? PRL has a smirk on his face. Popick has the microphone in his right hand. He still has a depressed expression on his face. COACH Poor Popick. The man is crushed. COLE Poor nothing. COACH Have you no sympathy for your fellow man!? COLE Not for someone like Stephen Joseph Popick! COACH You are truly cold blooded, Cole. COLD BLOODED! “Stronger” by Kanye West dies down. The crowd boos loudly. Stephen Joseph Popick stares at PRL with the microphone in his right hand. COLE We haven’t heard from Stephen Joseph since AngleMania VII! COACH Well be quiet! He’s going to speak in just a few moments! COLE I wonder what is on his mind? COACH When you’re a genius like Popick, I am sure that A LOT is on your mind! Stephen Joseph Popick goes to speak, but then changes his mind. He takes a deep breath. He brings the microphone to his lips again. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Congra-- Popick brings the microphone down. He takes a deep breath. He brings the mic to his lips again. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Congratul-- Popick stops speaking again. The crowd boos. Popick takes a deep breath. COLE What’s he trying to say? COACH SHHH! He’ll tell you! Just be patient! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Congratulat-- Popick stops speaking again. COLE Oh come on! COACH Whatever he’s trying to say, it must be difficult to get out! PRL motions for Popick to “hurry it up!”. POPICK Con-- Popick stops speaking. PRL rolls his eyes. The crowd is growing impatient. COLE Just spit it out! COACH SHUT UP, MICHAEL COLE! Stephen Joseph Popick sighs. He then looks to the crowd. He looks to Tha Puerto Rican, who is growing increasingly annoyed with him. He then looks to the crowd again. COLE Popick obviously devastated that he lost the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title to Tha Puerto Rican at AngleMania VII 11 days ago. COACH Poor guy. COLE He seems to be at a lost for words here! COACH Can you blame him!? That World Title that he worked so long for is gone. Again. COLE But at least he lost it to his former client. COACH That makes it even worst for him! Stephen Joseph Popick looks to the crowd. He looks at Tha Puerto Rican. Stephen Joseph Popick takes a deep breath. He brings the microphone to his lips. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK First of all, congratulations on winning the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship for the first time ever. Well done. You no longer have the ’Choke Artist’ label attached to your name! Nice going, Edward. Looks like I taught you something afterall! Congrats! The crowd boos Popick’s compliments. PRL just stares at Popick. COLE Oh come on. COACH Tha Puerto Rican learned from the best! He beat The Man last Sunday night to become The Man! WOOOOO! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Furthermore, allow me to wish you good luck in the new PRL Era. Why would a man like me say something like that? After all that we’ve been through? After all the hell that I’ve put you through? After all the hell that you’ve put me through? Why would I come out here and act civilized and professional when I can just as easily SNAP YOUR NECK RIGHT THIS INSTANT IF I WANTED TO!? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” PRL Yeah. Sure. POPICK Well, it’s simple. I’ll tell you right now. “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” Stephen Joseph Popick sneers at the crowd. POPICK No, it’s not that! That’s not the reason at all! You see, last Sunday night, at OAOAST AngleMania VII, as I laid on my back in the middle of the ring, looking up at the night sky in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, the pain and discomfort of the P.R. Nightmare AND The Puerto Rico Elbow finally relinquishing its grip on me, it was there that night that I had an epiphany! It was there that night in that flash of clarity, I knew then, that I was not being the husband that I should be. It was then that I realized that I had been SO preoccupied with getting rid of you that I had forgotten all about my lovely wife. It was then that I realized that I was so busy being a Champion Wrestler…that I had forgotten to be a Champion Lover. COLE What is Popick going on about? COACH Quiet! POPICK (CONT’D) Lindsay is a delicate flower. And she can get mad pretty easily. So mad that she can leave you. P.R., you should know first hand about that! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!” POPICK And…I DON’T wanna lose her! I love her! I LOVE LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK! I LOVE her more than I have loved any other woman in my entire life! I LOVE her with all of my heart and all of my soul! I LOVE her more than life itself! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I CAN’T let her go! I JUST CAN’T! PRL just stares at Popick. POPICK That is why, P.R., I will NOT be seeking a rematch against you! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH WHAT!? POPICK I know. I know. I’m disappointed too. I wish I could have a rematch with you. Because I KNOW that I would win the OAOAST Title back in 10 seconds flat! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH YEAH! COLE Uh-huh. PRL Sure. POPICK No. I have more important matters to take care of. Priorities and all of that. Like, my marriage for one thing. So, people, I just want to let you all know, that Lindsay and I are taking a vacation. We are taking a break from the OAOAST for a little while. Personally, this is a vacation that is long overdue. I mean, I have been working in the One And Only AngleSault Thread pretty much non-stop for the past FIVE years! I mean, first, I was working with OAOAST Corporate, then I became a wrestler again and feuded with Dan Black, THEN, I joined up with you, THEN, I took over The Lightning Crew when you went to jail for 8 months, THEN, you got out and I guided you to greatness over a three year period while having an OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship reign during that timeframe, THEN, I became OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion again for the second time, THEN I spent FIVE HELLACIOUS, BRUTAL, PAINSTAKINGLY HARD, SOUL CRUSHING, BONE BREAKING, HEARTWRENCHING, BALL BUSTING MONTHS fending off you, The Mad Cappa and Colombian Heat to keep MY OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. And through all of that, do you know that I never got a SINGLE day off!? I didn’t get a vacation day or a sick day AT ALL!? Ain’t that a bitch!? Heh! SOOOOOO, OAOAST fans, I am taking a long, much well deserved, vacation from the OAOAST. And I don’t know when I will be coming back. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!” COACH NO! POPICK! DON’T LEAVE US! Tha Puerto Rican is surprised by this announcement…but not necessarily upset by it. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Yes, I am leaving for a while. And so is Lindsay. She’s coming along with me. And no, Coach, I don’t know when she’ll be back either. COACH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Now with both Lindsay and myself gone, I am sure that leaves you all wondering: ‘Well, what about the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation? What about the Corporation? What about the SJPC? What’s gonna happen to them? Who will lead them while I am gone? Who will become the leader in my place?’ Well, fans, I don’t know if you know this, but NOBODY leads the SJPC if I don’t! Absolutely, positively NOBODY! Homie don’t play that! Besides, how can somebody lead the Corporation…if there is NO Corporation to lead? ‘Hmm?’ ‘What’s that?’ you say? I didn’t stutter! You all heard me! That’s right. Effective IMMEDIATLEY, I am DISBANDING the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COLE WHOA! COACH WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? COLE Popick has disbanded the Corporation! The Corporation is history! COACH HE CAN’T DO THAT! COLE Yes he can! He’s the LEADER you know! COACH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK That’s right. The members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation are now allowed to do their own thing. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members are now free to do whatever they want to WHOMEVER they want! I am not stopping them! Not anymore at least! The crowd is shocked by this. But Tha Puerto Rican doesn’t seem too bothered by the fact that Stephen Joseph Popick just disbanded the group that he founded right in front of his very eyes. COLE Wow. Just like that. After five years, the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is…gone. COACH NO! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK It was a good run while it lasted! COACH This can’t be happening! This is a nightmare! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” COACH HE DOES NOT! Stephen Joseph sneers at the crowd. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK SO, I have completed everything that I wanted to do, said what I had wanted to say before I left! All good things must come to an end, and so does Stephen Joseph Popick as a regular, active wrestler here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread. For now at least. For now. I hope you all know that I gave you everything that I got night in and night out! I put 100% into this company right from the start! I want you all to remember me for who I am: a handsome, affluent, ICON who left his indeliable mark on each and every one of you. The crowd boos loudly. COLE Oh come on! COACH *Sniff* That was beautiful, Popick! B-E-A-UTIFUL! COLE Oh please! POPICK So Lindsay, start packing your bags! Because we are on our way to Hawaii! Get ready for the best 1 month and a half of your life! You are going to love it! I GUARANTEE it! Starting now, you are going to get all of the attention that you want! Starting now, your life is going to change for the better and so will mine! Because from now on, no matter how much attention you want, you’re going to get it from me! No matter how much love, no matter what kind of love, whether or not it’s tenderly touching, whether it’s rough or ready, it doesn’t matter to me, Lindsay. No, you are going to get all of the love that you can handle and then some! Lindsay…DADDY’S COMIN’ HOME! COLE I think I am going to be physically ill! COACH What a great husband Popick is! Aw! Lindsay is SO lucky! COLE I’m sure that you’re the only one that feels that way, Coach! The crowd boos. Stephen Joseph Popick has a cocky smirk on his face as he looks at the crowd. Popick turns his attention to Tha Puerto Rican. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Well, I am done. That’s all for now. I am off to care for my wife, and I am leaving the OAOAST behind for quite a while! But before I go, there is just one thing I HAVE to do. Just one teeny, tiny, itsby bitsy little thing I must do before I start my long overdue vacation. Ed, I saw how you shook The Mad Cappa’s hand at OAOAST AngleMania VII. You let the past be the past. You let bygones be bygones. You buried the hatchet with him. Now, I know that I have put you through utter torture these past five months. But, if this is indeed the start of a new era like you say that it is, if this is a clean slate, if this is a brand new day…then why don’t *we* bury the hatchet. Why don’t *we* let bygones be bygones. Why don’t *we* let the past be the past. We have so many good memories together. Why should we let five months of hatred ruin that? PRL, just to show you that I am willing to be the better man, if you are the man that I think you are, you will shake my hand. Stephen Joseph Popick puts his right hand out. The crowd starts booing. Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph’s right hand. COLE What’s PRL going to do? COACH If he has any dignity, he will shake Popick’s hand! The crowd is buzzing, begging PRL not to shake Popick’s hand. Popick motions for PRL to shake his hand. POPICK Come on! Come on! Tha Puerto Rican looks down at Popick’s right hand. He then looks at Popick right in the eye. PRL looks at the fans. They tell PRL not to shake Popick’s right hand. COACH Come on! Do it! Do it! Do it! You did it for Cappa! Do it for Popick! Your manager! Your “Career Consultant”! COLE He’s not Tha Puerto Rican’s manager or “Career Consultant” anymore, Coach! COACH He always will be. In PRL’s heart, mind and soul! COLE Oh brother! COACH What? It’s the truth, Ruth! Stephen Joseph tells PR to shake his right hand. He is growing increasingly annoyed with how long PRL is taking to shake his hand. PRL looks to the crowd. They tell him not to shake Popick’s hand once again. PRL looks down at Popick’s right hand. He looks right at Popick. POPICK Come on. You know you want to! COLE Popick egging PRL on! After all they’ve been through since November!? COACH This is the start of a new era, right? Well, prove it, Puerto! Shake Popick’s hand! COLE I don’t think this is what PRL had in mind when he said that this was the start of a new era here in the OAOAST! COACH It is what he had in mind now! Tha Puerto Rican continues staring at Popick. He stares at Popick’s right hand. PRL looks to the crowd. “NO! DON’T DO IT! NO! DON’T DO IT!” COACH Don’t listen to these idiots, P.R.! Be selfish like you used to be! COLE He’s changed, Coach. He’s not the man he used to be! COACH I kinda liked the man he used to be! COLE You and you alone, Coach! COACH Not true. Popick and the SJPC members did too! COLE Touche. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK COME ON! DO IT ALREADY! Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph Popick. He looks at Stephen Joseph’s right hand. He then looks to the crowd. COLE PRL, what’s he gonna do here? COACH Make the right decision, P.R. You’ve done it before! You shook Cappa’s hand. Now shake Popick’s! COLE Those were different circumstances! COACH No, they weren’t! COLE Yes they were. COACH No they weren’t. COLE Yes they were. COACH No they weren’t. COLE Yes they were. COACH No they weren’t. COLE Yes they were. COACH No they weren’t. COLE Yes they were. COACH No they weren’t. COLE No they weren’t. COACH Yes they were. COLE No they weren’t. COACH Yes they were. COLE No they weren’t. COACH Yes they were. COLE No they weren’t. COACH Yes, they--CRAP! COLE HA! HA! Tha Puerto Rican looks down at Popick’s right hand, looks up at Popick, and then looks at the crowd. He takes a deep breath. COLE What’s he gonna do!? Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph Popick right in the eyes. He takes a deep breath… …slowly raises his right hand… …extends his right hand out… …has it so that his right hand is only a few inches away from Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand… …and then shakes Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Phew. Tha Puerto Rican continues shaking Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand with his right hand. Popick breathes a sigh of relief. The fans ain’t pleased with this. COLE Wow. I guess this really is the start of a new era! COACH It is. It is an era where PRL and Stephen Joseph Popick live together in harmony! Again! I love it! Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick continue shaking hands. Popick has a wide evil smile on his face. Tha Puerto Rican breaks out into a smile himself. COACH Look at that! He’s smiling! He’s smiling! The crowd boos even louder when they see PRL smiling. COLE This is the most unusual scene I have seen in the OAOAST in a long time! COACH No it’s not. This is normal compared to the past five months! Popick nods his head. PRL nods *his* head. Popick points to PRL. PRL points back. They continue shaking hands. COLE Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick have apparently buried the hatchet. COACH They’re getting along again just like in the old days! Stephen Joseph Popick laughs manically. He points at PRL. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK You--oh---you! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Oh Lord! Oh lordy me! Goodness gracious! Stephen Joseph Popick is still shaking Tha Puerto Rican’s right hand. Both men have wide smiles on their faces. The crowd boos loudly. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK You’re one hell of a guy! Stephen Joseph Popick exits the ring…but can’t, because Tha Puerto Rican hasn’t loosened his grip on Popick’s right hand. Popick stops and turns to look at Tha Puerto Rican, who has a grin on his face. The crowd cheers loudly, while Popick shows concern. COLE Oh boy. COACH Oh no. COLE This can’t be good. Tha Puerto Rican demands that Popick hands him the microphone. Popick does so. COLE Uh-oh. THA PUERTO RICAN Now, before you go home and make love to my sloppy seconds (COACH: HEY!), Tha Puerto Rican just has a couple of things to say. Stephen Joseph mouths, “What?” COLE Oh man. COACH Oh crap. THA PUERTO RICAN (CONT’D) You are still Stephen Joseph Popick. And you may be a…stud…in bed (*shudders*). But I just want you to know one thing: you may no longer be the leader of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation…but as far as Tha Puerto Rican is concerned…you are now…and will forever be…an ASSHOLE! Tha Puerto Rican kicks Stephen Joseph Popick in the stomach! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Stephen Joseph Popick. “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican applies a front facelock on Stephen Joseph Popick. “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Stephen Joseph Popick’s black dress pants with his right hand. “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican looks at the crowd. He smiles as he jumps up… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and jumps down, DRILLING Stephen Joseph Popick’s head right into the mat with the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE P.R. Nightmare! P.R. Nightmare on Popick AGAIN! Shades of AngleMania VII! COACH POPICK! Tha Puerto Rican gets right back up! He taunts the knocked out Popick! PRL plays to the crowd, who have exploded with cheers for The People’s Champion! COLE PRL just gave Stephen Joseph one hell of a going away present! Tha Puerto Rican plays to the crowd some more. COLE Popick is down and out! What a way to start his vacation! COACH Oh God! Popick! Somebody check up on him! AAAAGGHHHHH! Tha Puerto Rican grabs the dropped microphone off of the mat. He gets close to Popick’s face and then brings the microphone to his lips. Popick’s eyes are glazed over. THA PUERTO RICAN I said that this was the start of a new era here in the OAOAST, and I MEAN IT! And this is a new era that DOESN’T INCLUDE YOU! So take your monkey ass OUT OF THIS RING AND DON’T EVER EVER RETURN! Go back to your SLUT for all I care! THIS IS A NEW ERA HERE IN THE ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD! You and guys like you? Your era is in the past! Your era is FINISHED! Your era is OVER! MY era HAS BEGUN! THE PRL ERA REIGNS SURPREME IN THE ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD AND THAT’S THE TRUTH, RUTH! GOODBYE POPICK! Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back. He brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing. Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican taunts Popick, who is lying on the mat in pain. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick is taking a vacation from the OAOAST, and Tha Puerto Rican sent him packing in his own way! COACH Oh God! Could this week get any worse for Stephen Joseph Popick!? Tha Puerto Rican grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from off of the mat, and then raises it over his head to a loud pop from the crowd. PRL lets out a primal scream. PRL then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity”. The crowd cheers some more! COLE What a huge series of announcements! The Popicks are taking a break from the OAOAST! There will be no rematch between Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is NO MORE! COACH Things are falling apart on Planet Popick! COLE Planet Popick looks to have been destroyed here tonight! COACH OH GOD! COLE If only Caboose was here, he’d be the happiest person in the entire arena! Tha Puerto Rican does the same Rock pose on another turnbuckle. The crowd cheers. PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and then gives Popick the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture. He then exits the ring, leaving Stephen Joseph Popick to wither on the mat in tremendous pain as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and then walks up the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. COLE Let’s see the P.R. Nightmare again. COACH NO! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican shaking Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand, but then giving him the P.R. Nightmare. Cut to this from a different angle. Cut to this from another angle. COLE Popick really shouldn’t have been surprised that PRL did this. COACH I know. But he was! COLE The OAOAST marches on! Tha Puerto Rican is the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Stephen Joseph Popick is taking a long overdue vacation! And the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation has broken up! What a night this has been! COACH Life without Popick. I wonder how that’ll be like? COLE Like Heaven on Earth. COACH I’m thinking more like Hell on Earth, but that’s just me. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cut to live action as Stephen Joseph Popick is still laid out on the mat. He is breathing hard. His glasses are on crooked. He winces in pain. COLE Tha Puerto Rican will be in action later on tonight as he teams up with fellow Badd Boy, Colombian Heat, to take on Reject and Thunderkid in a #1 Contenders Match for the OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championship! That’s still to come in our main event! Back with more HeldDOWN~! in a few! Tha Puerto Rican walks up the entrance ramp slapping hands with the fans, a smile on his face and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Stephen Joseph Popick is still lying on the mat in pain, only moving his arms. Stephen Joseph Popick moves to his side, struggling to get up off of the mat as the crowd cheers and “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Stephen Joseph Popick’s eyeglasses have fallen off completely and his eyes are still glazed over. We fade out on Stephen Joseph Popick, perhaps for the last time, as he grabs the top ring rope to pull himself up. Goodbye Stephen Joseph Popick. Forever? FADE TO BLACK * COMMERCIAL BREAK *

The stunningly gorgeous image of the night stroked effiel tower is heightened in its beauty by David Guetta's "Baby When The Lights". But enough of one of the greatest monuments on earth, let's get to the fake fighting! Off we go to the backstage area, our destination of choice being the locker/dressing room of Leon Rodez, D*LUX, and The Christ Air Express. Noticeably absent are the teeny boppin duo, Shayne and Tyler, who perhaps have realized how difficult it is to stalk Krista when they're six time zones removed. Leon, however, is present and accounted for. With his outfit of a grey tanktop and black basketball shorts you'd think he were on his way to prepare for his first round bout with Christian Wright. But, you forget Leon is no bitch, and instead spends his time engaged in a furious battle with Melody in a game of NHL 2k8 for the 360. I don't know how furious a battle it could be when Melody's Oilers are drubbing his Red Wings 6-2 only two minutes into the second period, but alas. Totally disinterested in the proceedings are MARV and MEL, who chill on a sofa sipping Heinekens. MARV Hey, man, say you and your friend who has herpes are eating at McDonald's. You guys are both eating chicken McNuggets and everything is tasting good. Then the guy runs out of Barbecue sauce halfway through a nugget. Your boy asks you if he can dip the half-eaten Chicken McNugget into your untainted Barbeque Sauce. Do you say yeah and let him dip his Herpes infected McNugget into your Barbeque sauce? Or do you say hell no and get in your car and leave his gay ass at McDonald's? What's up? MEL Hell no he can't use my BBQ sauce. He needs walk up to the counter, put on that puppy dog face and see if he can re-up. Listen, that bro can't smoke with me, we can't pass any Henny back n forth, can't pass any 40 back n forth. That man can't even cough in my direction. He shouldn't even be in the same land mass at me, man. The only thing he should be doing is texting me when he's waiting to get next at the b-ball court at the leper colony. MARV I asked Abudllah that earlier, and he's like, “Oooh I share the joyous nuggets as a generous gift from allah with my muslim brother and soul twin Synth Abdullah Jabbar” How many times do you think they touch hands going into the nugget box? Do they you giggle every time they make contact. How long till those chichimons share a nugget lady and the tramp style and end up kissing? Breaking up this poignant conversation, Leon's phone blares with his ringtone Touch My Body by Mariah. Leon is not afraid to be sensitive. Without even bothering to check the caller ID (very irresponsible!) Leon flips the phone open and screams into the speaker. LEON Howdy Hoooooo! Leon turns to da Boiz...shit I mean the Express, I'll never get used to that, and mouthes “South Park”. The twins respond with eye rolls, whereas Melody responds with enthusiastic clapping and giggling. LEON She got it. If one person gets it then our mission to this brave new world is complete, Mister Sulu. JADE Hi, Leon LEON That's emperor, professor, genius, uncle Leon! Again Leon turns to Melody, who can't help but giggle at his brilliant phone witticisms. JADE How are you? LEON (impersonating Larry David) Pretty good, pretty, prettttty good. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah? JADE Yeah....I know. LEON That fuckin dog! Remember that episode? What the fuck? That fuckin dog! With the restaurant, and Jeff had the old police dog, and it found a corpse under the floorboards, and its not as funny if I have to explain it. JADE How's France? LEON It may be full of flag waving surrender monkeys, but they treat an ex male pornstar like the bastion of cultural richness he truly is! But I've been swamped today 'cause I'm in that number one contenders tournament. I like to call it the Shogun of Europe tournament instead, makes it feel more important and respectable like. And if I win, I can say I'm the Shogun of Europe, and if I lose, then at least I lost to shogun of Europe. Unless the guy I lose to doesn't win the tournament. Then I guess I just suck. I'm going up against Christan Wright. A very fresh match from the OAOAST bookers. He and I have never fought, never feuded, never interacted, so this should be unique. I hear he has a great personality, though. Wonderful, gentle, kind spirit. Maybe he and I can go to the pub after the show. What do they call a pub here? MARV Le pubishe? LEON No, no. That's too much like pubic. I will not visit any pubics with Christian Wright! While her brothers manage a small smile, Melody laughs quite loudly. And the camera quickly pans and zooms to a semi out of focus image of her laughter. LEON I'm very pumped about the whole thing though. Shogun of Europe and all. Not many people have been a Shogun of Europe before. MEL No one has. LEON Then its an honor I wear with pride and a curse I bear with shame. MELODY (talking in an overly serious voice) For you live the way of the samurai, and fate has left you no other option. The camera captures a medium close up of Leon smiling broadly. Blurred by a shallow focus, MARV and MEL can be seen shaking their heads in the background. LEON So, Miss Rock The Cradle, how's life as celeb's kid? You havin' fun in LA? As Jade speaks we're given an over Leon's shoulder view of Melody. He's held in shallow focus, blurred to the point where he might as well be transparent. Melody however comes in clear and sharp, as though we were looking through his eyes. JADE Yeah, its alright I guess. No, its fun. Its great. I like it here. People are really friendly and laid back. And...um..so...yeah. I've hung out the beach a few times. Maya doesn't talk to me that much. But Krista's youngest brother...my uncle I guess...is near your age, so he's shown me around the city. We had box seats at the Angels game so that was...okay. I don't like baseball all that much, but he's a nice guy I think. Krista...um...its cool hanging out with her. Its a little crazy with paparazzi around, and all these people wanting autographs from her, and her agent and her publicist and her assistant always call her for stuff. There's so much work for her to do. I don't...get how she does it. Its okay though. I just have to get used to it, maybe. LEON Where's ta mere at anyway? JADE Uh, she's out jogging with Julia Louise Dreyfuss to be honest with you. LEON Elaine! You met Elaine! Great Jumping Jehoshaphat! You met Elaine! That is insane! Jade, did you tell her what a huge ass mark I am for the greatest Seinfeld of all time, the Puffy Shirt episode? “You'll be the first modern-day pirate, Jerry!” MELODY “But I don't want to be a pirate!” MELODY and LEON Pirate! MEL Damn, I shoulda smuggled that chronic through customs. The camera clumsily jerks over to Mel, who slouches on the cough, only his head and shoulders visible in a frame that mostly consists of the couch and the walls. JADE Uh..I didn't say much of anything, actually. I just kind of... LEON You didn't tell her about my creepy fandom? How many times have I watched that episode? 58.5 times! Ah well. At least you got a chance to say “Hi” to Elaine. That's something for the grandkids, right? JADE I didn't really say hi. I just kind of nodded from the stairway. I don't know, it just feels weird sometimes around here. Its cool and all, but...I can't explain it. I'm just being weird. Sorry. LEON Are you star struck? I don't get that at all, Jade. You're on TV to...every week now! Wow, this whole Krista's kid bit may have saved your career! Where's my boy Jumbo at? Somebody hook him up with a DNA test! Hey, you'll be fine, its all in your head. Just let yourself relax. Enjoy it. So, what are you and mommy up to tomorrow? JADE Uh...well. Actually Krista is shooting a commercial for L'Oreal in Vegas, so they're gonna fly her out there in the morning and I guess fly her back on Saturday, and she said she'll take me and Maya. And on Sunday we're gonna go to New York, because she's doing Letterman on Monday, and, well, I guess I get to see the big apple for a while because I think she's doing the Today show on Tuesday. LEON I'm sharing a hotel room with Tony Tourettes, MARV, MEL and a one legged Algerian whore. JADE That's...good. LEON I think there was a rape in the next room. JADE Oh... LEON Alright, I gotta take off, I need to prepare, big match coming up after all. JADE Good luck with it. We're all pulling for you back here! Um, well, Krista's probably doesn't even know there's a tournament going on, and Maya thinks wrestling is for fat kids and losers, but I'm pulling for you. Definitely! LEON Thanks, Jade. Your big brot...uncle, ain't gonna letcha down! JADE Oh hey, make sure to say hi to Maggie for me. Leon grunts his acknowledgment as the camera takes a medium close up on a frowning Melody. It makes a jerky shift towards Leon, who's sullen face betrays his upbeat speech. LEON You have fun out there. Okay? Take care, and I'll see you real soon. Leon hangs up the phone, and we fade out on a medium closeup on a profile of his somewhat exhausted face that stares to the side. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT THE HOUSE OF WORSHIP Open on: A Trailer. Sitting in a yard being slowly overrun with thick, green grass. The trailer is kind of run down, barely habitable. It isn't very big, probably more a camper if one were being specific. The door flies open and a tall, somewhat built fellow with a two-day beard framing a thick gotee stands there in a flannel robe and tightie whities. He takes a big pull from a can of beer, burps, and crushes it before tossing it in what appears to have once been a flower bed. VOICE OVER Well. Time to start another day. A ratty looking tool shed. The door is hanging by one hinge, not really closed, per se, but more just barely hanging on. The man lumbers in, having barely taken the time to pull on some jean shorts and a t-shirt with an old HULKAMANIAC logo. He starts up a riding lawn mower, rusted but running, and starts haphazardly mowing his little kingdom. VOICE OVER People ask me – man, why ain't you livin' in one of those double wides? And I tell 'em, 'Brother, 'cause I ain't the hulkster.' Not yet, no way. The OAOAST locker room. Jeans, a black T-Shirt with a simple 'Die Hard!' in plain white letters. He pulls on elbow pads. Ties his boots. DIE HARD DICK DANGER VOICE OVER Not yet no way. But I'm here. And I'm puttin' you fellas on notice. Things is gon' change. 'Cause I'm from a place where the boys drive I-Roc's and dream big dreams while listenin' to Zepplin. And when we get a shot at the double wide, well, we take it. We don't run from the fight to get it. Standing at the curtain. Some empty stadium. The camera swings around behind him, showing what is no doubt the biggest stadium he's ever seen with a singular ring in the middle. Empty, now, but it will be full later. Danger smiles,and takes a throws back a can of beer. DANGER VOICE OVER Yep. Let's do this shit.

A high angle shot of the bumping and grinding humanity that characterizes the Paris night club La Scène joins with Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" to welcome us back to cable's highest rated parody e-fed show. Cable's only parody e-fed show for that matter. The moment we get to the arena we hear, "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Spanish Fly is shown on the AngleTron posing in front of a Mexican flag with the words “SPANISH FLY” shown next to him in big white blocky letters. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and Spanish Fly comes jogging out to boos. He throws up the old Wolfpack hand signal with both hands. Fly sticks his tongue out and throws out a few CROTCH CHOPS~! to the French fans before walking down the aisle with his head held high as one standing 4'11" possibly can. Only the fans can get Fly down, some having gone to the trouble of having "CRYBABY" signs made up in English to torment him. Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER The following contest is a number one contender's tournament first round match. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 4-foot-11 and weighing in at 175 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation... he is the SSPPAAAAAAANNIIIISSSSHHHHHHHH... FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sliding into the ring, Fly's initial good mood has disappeared as the crowd get on his back. Fly climbs the ropes and yells at them to quit booing, which of course only makes them want to boo louder. Covering his ears, Fly leans back in the corner pouting trying to shut it all out. COLE I hope he's not gonna start crying. COACH Don't even start that! This is Spanish Fly's renaissance tonight, he's got more reason than anyone in this tournament to want to progress to School's Out and get that shot at Tha Puerto Rican. He's more determined than ever. Which means tonight, you and everyone else who looks down on him and makes fun of him are going to be choking on your words and your taunts and your poorly made banners! COLE Well, Spanish Fly is up against another man with a lot of AngleMania aggression to exercise here tonight. Fly shakes off the abuse of the crowd just as "Oh No" hits and the fans attention turns away. Out marches Todd Cortez to a majority of cheers from the Paris crowd, of which he acknowledges none as he looks on into the ring. Cortez's face is stony, even more so than usual, which likely isn't a good sign. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional! He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez's eyes narrow at the mention of the words Cucaracha Internacional and he suddenly seems to walk with a little more determination. Entering the ring he quickly removes his jacket and gold chain, getting ready to go in record time. COACH Let's see if Landon's motivational speech finally got through that thick skull. COLE 'Motivational speech'!? Give me a break. *DINGDINGDING!* Both men leave their corners, hands out in a guard position and looking ready to test their educated feet. The faster Spanish Fly strikes first, kicking Cortez in the thigh. Again. And a third time. Which is good, until Cortez responds with one hard kick to the chest and Fly goes flying back against the ropes, picking himself up with an embarrassed look on his face. COLE Man, what a kick! COACH Maybe Fly might want to rethink his strategy. Like, real quick. In an attempt to save face, Fly dusts himself off as if the kick didn't hurt before offering a test of strength. Cortez looks at Fly like he's crazy for a second. But Fly insists he lock-up, so Cortez shrugs and does so. As soon as they lock knuckles, Fly twists underneath and wrings the arm... but Cortez kicks him in the backs of the legs and Fly ends up flipped right through the air and flat on his face!! COACH Maybe another rethink? Fly scrambles to the ropes and looks shocked at what just happened. Encouraging him back to his feet, Cortez moves in with the intention of throwing some more kicks. Fly wisely backs away and keeps on backing until finally, just as Todd looks like catching him, he ducks through the ropes to force the referee to step in between them. The Urban Legend is moved back against his will, allowing Spanish Fly to quickly sneak out to the apron and springboard to the top rope. Cortez moves the referee out of the way, just in time to get caught with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Quick kickout! Jumping back to his feet, Fly hits the ropes. Cortez misses with an elbow and Fly builds up some more speed off the far ropes, launching himself at Cortez. Todd catches him in a wheelbarrow and Fly pushes off the canvas for the Rube Goldberg Bulldog, only for Cortez to block and spin him around into an inverted atomic drop! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hooking Fly up, Cortez follows up with a quick snap suplex. Cortez then positions himself to Fly's side and hits him with a Standing Moonsault! COLE Cortez showing a little agility in his own right! Again Spanish Fly tries to buy himself some time and rolls out of the ring, but with Cortez in hot pursuit. Catching a hold of Fly's singlet, Cortez spins him around... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a hard knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another! Fly rounds the corner of the ring, but Cortez catches up to him and shoves him against the ring apron, delivering a high kick that catches Fly right in the shoulder and drops him to the ringside mats! COACH What a leader Landon Maddix is. I dunno everything he's said to Cortez, but man, it's worked! COLE I'm not so sure it's so much what Landon said as what he did, after that cheapshot with the chain at AngleMania! Cortez rolls Fly back into the ring and follows after him. By Fly's stringy hair he pulls him up, hitting him with a forearm shot. A second forearm rocks Fly against the ropes. And a third leaves him on rubbery legs. Wringing out the arm, Cortez then whips Fly across the ring, coming off the ropes at the side and LAUNCHING Spanish Fly into the air with the HOLLOW POOOOOOIIIIIIINT~! (Period.) COACH Spanish Fly just went AIRBORNE! Crawling over to where Fly ended up, some way across the ring, Cortez makes a pretty casual cover... 1... 2... NO! Fly weakly climbs back to his feet, measured by Cortez. Another hard kick lands to the gut, lifting Fly off his feet for a second such is the force. Fly slumps over the middle rope gasping for breath. By the seat of his pants he's pulled back up by Cortez, before being whipped into a corner. In follows Cortez with a forearm, before setting Fly up on the top turnbuckle. Rather than follow Fly up though, Todd instead uses the position to lift Fly up and over his head into a gorilla press. Walking into the centre of the ring, with ease Cortez carries the 175 pound Fly before letting him go AND CROTCHING HIM ACROSS THE KNEE ON THE WAY DOWN!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Gorilla Press into a Crotch Droppah!? Curled up in the foetal position, Fly clutches his groin as Cortez stands over him waiting for him to get back up. COLE Things are just going from bad to worse for Spanish Fly. He needed a big performance after AngleMania, but he's run into one of the few men coming out of Los Angeles with more to prove than him and so far he's just been devestated! COACH Isn't this where you usually blab on about Spanish Fly's heart!? Start blabbing! Please! Growing tired of waiting, Cortez pulls Fly back up off the canvas. Back suplex connects and a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Well Fly is tough. But he's also in a bad way. COACH Don't worry. That heart starts pumping and he'll be cooking again, you watch. Cortez picks Fly back up again... and drops him with a hard kick to the chest, again. COACH Oh no, I think he hit him in the heart! With Fly sucking wind, Cortez signals for the end which gets a big cheer from the French fans, hoping to see the most devestating move in the OAOAST. However, as Cortez goes to pull him into a standing headscissors, Fly suddenly pulls a surprise on him. Pushing off the thighs with his hands, Fly manages to flip up onto Todd's shoulders, landing a couple of right hands before pulling him over with a Hurricanrana... COACH YES! 1... 2... No! Beating Fly up, Cortez looks for a big roundhouse kick. Fly manages to duck however, connecting with two quick martial arts kicks to the body. Cortez shrugs them off though, before throwing another big roundhouse. Again Fly ducks though, then unloads with two more martial arts kicks to the body. Shaking them off as well, Cortez manages to duck a spinkick attempt though. Cortez takes a quick step back, then runs at Fly... but the Corporate Turncoat trips him up, drop toeholding Todd across the middle rope throat first. COACH Yes, dial it up! COLE Spanish Fly with a sudden opportunity. Running the ropes, Fly grabs the top and middle rope, swinging himself around and connecting with the 619!! COACH Six un neuf! COLE From out of nowhere, Spanish Fly could yet steal this one from under The Urban Legend's nose! Fly pulls himself up on the apron and waits for Cortez to get back up. Grabbing the top rope, he springboards himself back into the ring and flies through the air with the FLY SWATTER... ...NO! Cortez catches Fly in mid-air and stuffs him with a Powerbomb!! COLE Oh, he got caught! COACH Crap! Keeping his hands locked around the waist, Cortez elevates Fly back up off the canvas. He doesn't go for another Powerbomb though, instead turning away from the ropes before letting Fly fall back to his feet. Cortez then takes off, tumbling overhead and bringing the 175 pound Spanish Fly flipping helplessly over with him, SPIKING HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!!1!!~~!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH COLE OH MY GOD! Spanish Fly just got OWNED~! With the fans leaping out of their seats, Spanish Fly finally comes to rest next to the ring ropes, motionless. Cortez grabs a hold of his ankle and pulls him away from the ropes, before making the cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match, advancing in the Contender's Tournament... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez's arm is raised and he climbs back to his feet, showing little signs of over-celebration. On the big screen, replays of the match-ending Riot Act Plus are shown, each to a collective cheer and gasp from the Parisian crowd. COLE That was the damndest thing I've seen. That was a Riot Act Plus PLUS! COACH I... I... COLE (narrating the replay) Fly got caught with the Powerbomb and then, Cortez set him up. He takes off... and Fly is two, three feet off the ground in mid-air!! He comes down right on his head... bounces another foot off the ground on impact! Absolutely incredible! COACH That move should be banned already! Shit like that oughta be saved for that Russian dude on Street Fighter, not OAOAST! Is Fly okay? As Cortez leaves the ring, another couple of referees head to the ring to check on Fly. Cortez doesn't give another look back to the Corporate Turncoat as he heads off, patted on the back by the fans for a good job. COLE Folks, we'll return with more from the city of light after these commercial messages! COMMERCIAL

Backstage we go, to J.Math and The Urban Legend. MATTHEWS Todd Cortez, later on tonight you'll be taking on Spanish Fly in the numbe... Before even one sentence can be finished however, Landon Maddix rears his interfering head, to a roll of the eyes from Todd Cortez. MADDIX Don't worry, I'll take it from here. Back in his role as Cucaracha Internacional member, Cortez doesn't have much option but to step aside for the man that beat him so underhandedly at AngleMania VII. MADDIX See, what you saw just now was what Cucaracha Internacional is all about. The finest talent from all over the globe proving victorious. Look at the laundry list. We've got the 6-Man Tag Team Champions, we've got two representatives in this number one contender's tournament, we've got... well, we've got me. But the key in this business is not to be complacent. We're always moving with the times, looking to expand, as any international company should. Which is why, tonight, I'm embarking on my very first European scouting tour. Tonight, and every night on this European tour, I'm going to be giving one lucky local talent the chance... nay, the HONOUR, to earn a spot in Cucaracha Internacional. Only catch is... well, they've got to beat me to prove they're deserving first. CORTEZ Worked for me. Landon glares at Cortez out of the corner of his eye for a second before continuing on. MADDIX We're looking to add a new sister country, a new foreign connection to Cucaracha Internacional. And ya know, it's a shame we just recently had these natty little t-shirts made up with four flags on the back. But, what's the worst that's gonna happen? We redesign it with five and people buy more of them? I mean, really. After a self-indulgent smile Landon turns back to Cortez, upon which the smile disappears. MADDIX As for you, I suggest you stop worrying about the rare opportunity to flap your gums on live TV and get your head in the game. You're officially on probation right now, remember that. Luckily the rest of us have managed to cover for your mistakes and screw-ups so far, but tonight you're on your own. So, you'd best get the win tonight and begin redeeming yourself to me, because if we get another member in Cucaracha Internacional you could find yourself going even further down the pecking order if you're not careful! Now go! Resisting the urge to punch his 'boss' right in his giant mouth, Cortez marches off realising he can't do much else. Landon shakes his head in disappointment anyway as we fade out. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT OPENING ROUND ACTION TODD CORTEZ VS SPANISH FLY NEXT