Patty O'Green

OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought To You By We now interrupt this program for the first installment of a new OAOAST series: OAOAST BELL TO BELL Josh Matthews steps into camera range, in what looks like an empty studio back at the OAOAST Corporate Office. Only an OAOAST Logo sign on the wall and a high-def television monitor are Josh's company, as he takes center stage. JOSH Welcome, everyone, to the first installment of OAOAST Bell To Bell. In just about a week's time, two of the OAOAST's most popular athletes will lock up in singles action. What started as a friendly bet to build up the competitive spirit in both of these individuals has erupted into a feud for the ages. The chase to capture the World Heavyweight Championship has now wound up pitting these one-time friends against each other. On one side of the feud is a man who commands respect, and is held in the highest regard here in the OAOAST. On the other, a man who feels he's earned his stripes, and craves the type of respect that his rival has come to earn. At Anglemania VII, Zack Malibu and Bohemoth will go one on one for the first time ever, battling not for any championships, but simply for the chance to soon compete for the coveted OAOAST World Title, and more importantly, each other's respect. Tonight, we talk with both men, as well as take a look at how they're preparing for this highly anticipated matchup. (We now segue into HIGHLIGHTS~!, starting off with November Reign 2007's Triple Cage Match) *Holding PRL by the back of the head, Bohemoth rams him face-first into the wall of the cage again. The bigman then targets Popick again, manhandling the World Champion and sending him into a meeting with the steel as well. With both his opponents down, Bo then goes back to his original plans and grabs the boltcutters from off of the steel floor, ready to unlock the door out of Cage 2... *CLUNK!* ...AND WALKS RIGHT INTO SCHOOL'S OUT, THE BOLTCUTTERS KICKED RIGHT BACK INTO HIS FACE!!!!!!* (cut to Bohemoth on screen) BO That's where it all kicked off. I'm not saying that to be cute, but that's where it all started. I was finally showcased, finally had the chance to become the represenative of this company, and I had it taken away from me when Zack knocked me cold. JOSH (off-screen) So you hold Zack responsible for not being World Champion right now? BO Partially. I don't think Zack has held me down, and he's never really been in my way until now. I think that things have happened where I've been distracted, and that Zack woke me up to those issues, but it took him knocking me out cold for me to wake up. (cut to Zack Malibu on-screen) ZACK Bo had always been...there. That's the only way to put it. When he broke off from Christian Wright he could have shot to the top, but he got distracted. He'll tell you that himself. When we were in that cage match he was a force, man. He could have torn that cage apart from the ground up and let that belt fall into his hands, but he lacked that spark. That driving force. That's the missing piece to the puzzle. He has all the tools, but it always seemed like he was on cruise control instead of putting his foot on the gas. BO I don't really feel as though I've coasted during my tenure thus far...I just think that certain opportunities never came about, or that maybe I truly didn't earn them. JOSH Why do you think you didn't earn them? Lack of strong competition? The feeling you weren't ready to take advantage of opportunities like title shots? BO I don't think that it was anything like that, just simply that the cards never fell in my favor until recently, and now that they have... JOSH ...now you have a former World Champion breathing down your neck. BO (chuckles) Yeah, I do...and that's the strongest competition you can get here in the OAOAST. ZACK Bo knows...he knows that he's this close to the World Title. He's on the run of his life right now, but if thinks I'm going to be some pushover, some steppingstone, well, look at all the other guys who thought that way. Even Bruce Blank, he made himself by being the most physical, most intimidating guy I ever went up against, got retired by me. Now that was a personal vendetta, and I'm not out to end Bo's career, but c'mon...it's a known fact I'm at my best when the odds aren't in my favor. When my back is against the wall, I don't go down without the fight of my life. BO It's funny that Zack mentioned the Blank feud, because that's exactly why he's the underdog in our match. Those personal feuds like that one, or the one with Popick, or the one with...well, that guy's not important but you know who I mean...they were personal. Heated blood feuds, with a lot of venom behind their actions. Zack and I aren't seeing eye to eye these days, but I'm not a guy out to cripple him or maim him or stalk his family, and he knows that. That's going to be his downfall, because if he's not coming after me with one hundred and ten percent, he's gonna fail. ZACK Bo thinks that because this feud wasn't built out of vengeance or hatred that I'm going to be a pushover? It might not be about crippling and maiming, but it's still about respect. Bo sometimes acts like things should have been handed to him, and the only thing that's going to be handed to him is a beating on March 30th. BO He talks tough, but when he's the one looking up at the lights at Anglemania, he's gonna have to eat those words. ZACK I know what he wants. I know he wants the World Title. He keeps going on the way he's been going and he'll have earned it. Unfortunately, that's not going to be the case, because now he has to go through me. He thinks it's going to be easy? I'll give him the phone numbers of all the guys who thought the same thing. Hell, the World Champion right now is one of them! BO Keep talking about the past, Zack. If you're comparing me to any of your old foes, that's another mistake, because I'm nothing like them. ZACK You're exactly like them, Bo, because you're going to find out the hard way that challenging Zack Malibu isn't a way up the ladder, it's a way back down to Earth. *FADE OUT* COLE OAOAST fans, the match between Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia has not only captured your attention, but its also captured the hearts and minds of the entertainment industry! We've already heard from Natalie Portman, Rick Ross, and Demi Moore. But let's here from a few more! Charlize Theron is seen standing in front of a row of Photographers at the Monaco Aids Prevention Gala. CHARLIZE Who am I rooting for? Oh, that's an easy question. Krista! INTERVIWER Why? CHARLIZE She looks just like me! Very helpful if I ever want to go on a crime spree and need someone to blame it. Plus, she's my trainer. Although don't tell her but every time I leave the gym, people say “Oh, its no nice that you train with your mother.” Kate Beckinsale is also in front of the photo journalists at the Monaco Aids Prevention Gala KATE I like em both really. They're both very cool and say what's on their mind. That's hard with a publicist. You say something and they'll literally turn a funny color. They'll throw up and all that. as well. I find a lot of things kind of funny which is a lot like them. So I pick both. Can I do that? Probably not. Oh well. Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash, relaxes with a guitar and a cigarette inside a rehearsal studio before practice. SLASH Krista's cool and all I met her a few times when she danced with us, and she's real funny. But I'm gonna stand by Alix, we got more in common. That same bad ass, kinda hardcore reckless attitude you get when you have the childhood I had. She stomped the grounds I stomped, skated the roads I skated, probably got chased by the same cops I got chased by. We're both attendees of Beverly Hills Highschool, so there's that. Yeah, man, we misfits and outsiders gotta stick together. During the outside arrivals for the Capital Awards, the cornrowed Axl Rose answers questions and poses for pictures. AXL Who'd Slash pick? INTERVIEWER Uh, Alix. AXL I pick Krista then. She was a dancer in a few of our videos and if Slash didn't pick her, all the better. Sound good? We fade out on Axl's laughter. COMING UP NEXT BEST FRIENDS. BITTER ENEMIES. VITAMIN X VS THA PUERTO RICAN NEXT

We return from our commercial break to multi colored spotlights hanging over the arena. HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Heart-Shaped Box plays, as The Heavenly Rockers make their way out, accompanied by Colonel Abdullah Nerdly. COLE Here come the World tag team champions, set for six-man action tonight! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following six-man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing the first team, at a combined weight of 672 pounds...first...COLONEL ABDULLAH NERDLY in association with HOLLY-WOOD present the OAOAST World tag team champions, and the greatest Rock 'N' Wrestling band of ALL TIME...THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEAVENLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSS!!!!! COLE And of course, the Heavenly Rockers will defend those titles against Team Heyross at AngleMania VII! Team Heyross also a part of this match, and already holds a victory over the champs, in the Anderson Cup tournament! COACH Yeah, but I got a feeling that AngleMania VII is going to hold some sweet revenge for the Heavenly Rockers! The Rockers climb into the ring, as Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg walks through the curtains, to the boos of the crowd. COLE And here comes their partner! BUFFER And their tag team partner...he is a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! COLE And I'm surprised Alf failed to break out the Red Sox jersey for the occasion! COACH Are you kiddin'? Alf wouldn't be caught dead reppin' any team from Boston! Alf walks to the ring, rolls inside, and poses on the buckles. He then gives high fives to the Rockers, as Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin are met with the cheers of the crowd. BUFFER Their opponents...at a combined weight of 705 pounds...Introducing first, the 2008 Anderson Cup champions...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And listen to the ovation for the Anderson Cup champions, as they make their way to the ring! Moss and Benjamin pose on the buckles, as the lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER And their partner...he is the OAOAST Heartland champion...SAAAAANDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSANNNNNNNNND!!!!! Sandman slides into the ring, and rips the bandanas off. Moss and Benjamin pat him on the back, as the crowd goes crazy. COLE This place is electric right now! What a match this is going to be! Both teams huddle up, then step out, leaving Logan Mann and Quentin Benjamin in the ring. *DING DING DING* COLE And it'll be Logan "Usher" Mann, starting it off with Quentin Benjamin! Logan and Benjamin tie up, and Logan backs Benjamin into the ropes. Logan breaks slowly, but gets in a shot to the gut. Logan attempts an Irish whip, but Benjamin reverses. He drops down, then Moss climbs into the ring and leapfrogs Logan, and Logan comes back and gets caught in a double hiptoss! Moss and Benjamin then both drop elbows on Logan! COLE And some nice teamwork here by Team Heyross! Alf and Synth hop into the ring, and are met with dropkicks from Sandman and Moss, respectively! Benjamin then waits on Logan, and hits a third dropkick, sending him to the floor along with his partners! COLE And the team of Sandman and Team Heyross on a roll here! The Rockers regroup with Alf and the Colonel, then Logan rolls back into the ring, this time with Moss. Logan positions himself so that the referee is directly in between him and Moss, then jumps around him and delivers a foot to the gut. COACH Smart move there by Logan, using the referee kind of like a fort until the time was right! Logan hammers away on the back of Moss, then backs him into a corner and delivers right hands. He goes for an Irish whip, but Moss reverses, and catches Logan with a backdrop! Moss follows with a clothesline, then stops to go after Synth, who was stepping through the ropes, and gets nailed from behind by Logan! COLE And some more distractionary tactics from the Heavenly Rockers, now looking to take control of this match in the early going! Logan tags in Synth, and the two whip Moss across and catch him with a double elbow! Synth covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth tags in Alf, who sets up Moss in the corner and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! A third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then makes his way over to Benjamin on the apron, drawing the referee towards him, as Logan wraps the tag rope around the throat of Moss! COLE And now look at this! Come on, ref! Benjamin tries to point out the infraction to the referee, to no avail. Logan removes the rope, and Alf returns to deliver some more punishment. He whips Moss into the ropes, and tries a clothesline, but Moss ducks, and attempts a reverse sunset, but Alf grabs the ropes to block! Alf points to his head, because, you see, he's really smart. Not smart enough, however, to avoid the superkick that hits him when he turns around! COLE Alf was celebrating his feat, and it cost him! Alf tags out to Synth, as Moss tags Benjamin. COACH Very unlike Alf to make a mistake such as that, but luckily he landed in his corner! Benjamin and Synth circle the ring, and Benjamin grabs a side headlock. Synth backs him into the ropes, and shoves him off. Synth drops down, then gets up. Benjamin leapfrogs him, then catches him with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin goes back to the side headlock. Synth backs him into the ropes and shoves him off once again. This time, Logan drops off the apron, and grabs his leg from the floor. Benjamin looks out at him, and takes a knee to the back from Synth as a result! COACH How about that teamwork, Cole? COLE A big move from the Heavenly Rockers, and Benjamin is really hurting! Synth covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan tags in, and the two whip Benjamin in and floor him with a double clothesline! Logan gets a few stomps in, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan tags in Alf, who picks Benjamin up and drops him throat-first on the top rope! Alf stomps away at Benjamin, then picks him up and attempts an Irish whip. Benjamin reverses, and Alf makes a blind tag on his way by. COLE Tag made to Logan right there! Alf attempts a sunset flip as Benjamin puts his head down, but Benjamin is able to hold his ground...until being met with the LEFT HOOK~! of Logan! COACH YEAH! COLE BIG, trademark left hook from Logan Mann! Logan celebrates his feat, drawing the boos of the fans, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan picks up Benjamin, and executes a twisting neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan backs Benjamin into the corner, and tags in Alf. Alf hammers away on Benjamin, then brings him out and executes a snap suplex! He follows that with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf tags Logan back in, who whips Benjamin into the ropes, and hooks a SLEEPER~! COLE Sleeperhold applied by Logan Mann! Will this be the match? Benjamin struggles to the ropes, but fades away. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Benjamin holds through on the third lift! He gets to his feet, with Logan on his shoulders, and backs into the corner! COLE Nice move by Benjamin, and now he needs to tag! However, Logan is able to tag Alf first, and Alf stops Logan with an elbowdrop to the back! Alf celebrates his feat, drawing boos. He then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COACH Uh-oh, he's setting him up! However, Alf tags in Synth. COLE Synth wanted the tag, he wants to send a message for AngleMania! Synth sets up the PERCUSSION DDT~!!!!!11111 However, when he raises his hand in the air, Benjamin backdrops out of the move! COLE Benjamin is close, he has to tag now! Alf steps through again, but this time is intercepted by the referee, as Benjamin makes the tag to Moss! COLE There it is! Charlie Moss in! The referee turns around, and puts Moss out! COACH Referee didn't see it! Synth holds Benjamin, as Logan backs into the ropes, and charges with a double axhandle...but Benjamin slips out, and Synth takes the shot! COLE He hit his partner! Benjamin then hits Logan with a superkick, before collapsing to the mat! COLE Yet another chance for Quentin to make a tag! Alf is tagged in...but Benjamin makes the tag to Sandman! COLE TAG MADE! COACH Here we go! COLE Listen to the crowd here in Denver! Sandman and Alf face off, then start exchanging blows! Sandman gets the better of the exchange, backing Alf into a corner and continuing with right hands! He whips Alf across, and catches him with a spinning wheel kick on the way back! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Sandman then executes a suplex on Alf, then heads upstairs. COLE And Sandman going to the top! Sandman hits Alf with a missile dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up again! Sandman starts delivering BOOT SCRAPES~! to Alf, but is attacked from behind by Logan! Synth joins, and the two whip Sandman into the ropes. Sandman ducks a double clothesline, and flys back with one of his own! Moss grabs Synth and backs him into a corner, while Benjamin backs Alf into an opposite one. COLE It's mayhem in there right now! As Logan gets to his feet, Alf and Synth are whipped into mid-ring, sandwiching him! Sandman then catches him with a foot to the gut...and plants him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COLE Put this one in the books! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE What a match that was! BUFFER The winners of the match...the team of TEAM HEYROSS and SANDMAN9000!!!!! From behind, Colonel Abdullah raises a lighttube in the air behind Sandman, who reaches back and grabs it, then turns and stares down the Colonel. COACH Uh-ohhhhhh... The Colonel is wide-eyed as Sandman knees him in the gut, then grabs the lighttube and shatters it over the back of his head! Synth drags the Colonel out of the ring, and he and Logan examine the wound that has been opened on the back of his head! COACH Look at that, poor Abdullah! COLE I don't know what he was thinking, but Sandman and Team Heyross have got some serious momentum heading into AngleMania VII! Let's go to... COMMERCIAL

Hey, I don't give a shit, i post it in april of 09 if it i'll make you happy. anywho, i dont care about the opening just gimme the mainevent!!

Alright, well, looking over it, i don't think there's enough segments to post the show right now as was my intention. mean i got my stuff but patty does not HeldDOWN make! So i'll just wait till i get back from whereever, whenever i get back to post it. unless some more stuff starts coming in within the next like hour or so.

COMMERCIAL COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN everyone on this road to Anglemania! Right now Terry Taylor is standing backstage with The Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker! Terry? As promised we're brought into the OAOAST interview lounge, a super cool spot outfitted with a variety of games such as pool and air hockey, and who's walls are lined with videoscreens that show various sporting events from around the country. In the middle of this area is the much less cool, Terry Taylor, attired in khaki pants and and a red Anglemania polo. TERRY Terry Taylor, standing backstage with The Billion Dollar heir Theodore Moneymaker, who has a big no disqualification match coming up in tonight's mainevent with Krista Isaodra Duncan. Now, you know tha- MONEYMAKER Terry Taylor, were you an educated man you wouldn't be wasting your days playing the fall guy for Krista's hackneyed jokes. But even a dope like you must be familiar with the story of the Pharaoh, God, and the Israelites of Egypt. But, the viewing audience, they who slavishly piss away brain wells watching men like me get money, instead of going out and getting some for themselves, are even bigger dullards then you! Their brains are rotten to their very core, and the only knowledge they seem to know is Melody Nerdly's bra size, and well, Melody Nerdly's bra size. BWAHHAHAHA! So, I will enlighten them on this classic story. Plagues. You know what a plague is, Terry. Correct? Terry nods. MONEYMAKER God plagued Pharaoh and his land for not letting the Israelites go free with the first of ten disasters. One day the Pharaoh strolled down to the beach for whateve reason, a tan, to relax, to marvel in the beautiful Egyptian sun. Whatever. But oh shit, Terry Taylor, oh shit indeed. All the water in the Nile had turned to blood! Dark, warm, crimson goo. The kind we see whenever someone takes a steel chair to another's head. The color of violence. Why? Why? Why? That's what Pharaoh is asking himself. Why is there blood in my water?! Why are my people dying of thirst?! He sought counsel from his priest and the soothsayers, but before they could figure it out swarms of frogs hopped out of the water and ran into their homes. Into the homes of the people of Egypt. Into their mixing bowls, bed sheets, drawers, clothes. Frogs everywhere, Terry. Disgusting, vile, horrid beings. Maybe Pharaoh found Kermit in his headdress or maybe the legs in his frog leg soup jumped onto his cobb salad. Whatever the case was, Pharaoh said enough was enough! The Israelites can get the fuck out! Moneymaker pauses for dramatic emphasis. MONEYMAKER Bu then god hardens pharaoh's heart again, and suddenly the Israelites were again trapped in an unwelcoming land. But now the dusk of Egypt turned to flies. Yes, turned to flies, the air filled with menaces thousands of times more worse then frogs. Imagine your home, your office, your favorite restaurant invaded by an endless army of flies! All that buzzing and those horrible sounds, and bug spray won't be invented 4000 years yet! And then...darkness for only three days straight! Yes, Terry, only darkness. Think about it, if you will. Not a light to call your own. No soft comforting glow of the television to lull you to sleep. Not even a flashlight. Poor old Pharaoh just sitting there on the throne with darkness wondering how its all going to end. The last plague is the worst one. Because that's the one that messes up our ideas about love and god. The first born of every family in Egypt killed while they're all asleep. You're the oldest child? Tough luck kid, you're dead, no questions asked. Pharaoh's son dies to, his heir, his pride and joy, sweet innocent little boy. We reap what we sow in this world and even in the bible's fantasy world. Did Pharaoh get what he deserved? In God's eyes I suppose so. But what about Abdul the farmer? His cattle dead, his only child gone, his wife ruined by lesions all because of someone else. What about people who reap what they don't sow in our world? Ethnic cleansing, babies addicted to crack, rapes, discrimination, causalities of war? What about them, Terry Taylor? What about those who just happened to be in the way of the ultimate plan? Why do I ask you this? Why do I tell you this story at all? TERRY Because you're God punishing Krista, the Pharaoh, and the innocents hurt in the crossfire are Jade, Maya, and Leon? MONEYMAKER Such a simple, poorly thought answer. Were you even listening to a word that came from my mouth? In this sad pathetic world we toil in I am God to all things, but in that story I am the Pharaoh, and Krista my sweet Israelite. My horrors perpetrated against her were too much for God to stomach. I have sipped cups of blood, I've walked the streets with amphibians, I've watched my world fill with the black abyss of thousands of flies, then I've watched my world fill with the infinite black of total darkness, and with a heart blacker then that darkness I've buried my first born. Yet, will I cower before threats? Be bullied into letting up on Krista? No. Not at all. The destruction of Krista, for which I have longed is at hand! Tonight you will witness the opening scene of Krista's final act in the OAOAST. BWHAHAHAHAHA! Still laughing to himself Moneymaker departs, leaving Terry to shake his head. We go back to sofa central where Coach is doing a rather poor job of imitating Moneymaker. COLE Alright, well, we're going to see just how accurate Moneymaker's promise is in tonight's mainevent. He gets his chance to face down his greatest rival and hand her only her third loss in three years. Now, Krista's opponent for Anglemania will be her fellow Los Angeles native, Alix Maria Spezia! And fans I know how much you all love Alix's Anglemania poster. Well, here's your chance to ride the half pipe with it, as we've slapped on a skateboard, COLE Yes, that's right, folks, the official Anglemania skateboard, your's for only one hundred seventy five dollars at OAOAST.com! Folks, we'll be back with more after this! COMMERCIAL

COLE And what a mammoth match that is going to be! James Cone one on one with Jester in Stairway to Oblivion II at Anglemania! If that's not enough to get you to order, then I don't know what will be! I personally can not wait for that one! (see what you ppl have made me do, u have made me write this filler match) "Dani California" beats its away into the arena to signal the arrival of James Riggs! Absent his valet, Staci, Riggs is hit with a small smattering of jeers from the capacity crowd. Riggs is all smiles however, flashing those pearly whites into the camera as he bounces back and forth on the entrance stage. BUFFER Introducing first...He hails from Torrence, California. Weighing in tonight at two hundred, thirty two pounds... the iconic leader of the JR Nation... this is JJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMEEEEEEEESSSS... RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! COLE Our regular viewers of Syndicated are very familiar with James Riggs, but its been a while since he's been on the big show. Here's his chance to start reestablishing his name in our fan's minds. COACH James Riggs! Movie Star! COLE What? COACH Movie star! Don't you know anything? The guy's the glue that holds films from Uzbekistan to Estonina together! Without him to play second army grunt, or third audience member from the left in the fourth row, international film would fall apart! His willingness to work for peanuts, actual literal peanuts, for ten to forty seconds of screen time, with the possibility that his face may not be obscured, keeps the international film industry alive! COLE Yeah...... BUFFER And his opponent from Blandsown, USA, he is JIM BOB! Jim Bob, the blandest looking wrestler you can ever imagine, flexes his thin pasty white physique for the audience. DING DING DING Riggs pounces on Jim Bob with a pair of jabs. After weakening the jobber with those punches he throws him into the ropes. But Bob returns fire with a forearm smash and knocks the arrogant superstar over. Angered, Riggs kips back up, but is caught into an arm wringer by Bob. That hold doesn't last very long before Riggs upends him with a fireman's carry. Bob is quickly back to his feet, but gets caught into a rear waist lock from his foe. He's lifted into the air then brought down on his stomach courtesy an amateur style takedown! Riggs then swings in front of Bob and traps him into a grounded front facelock. COACH I think the role that's been a testament to James Riggs' career was when he played fourth white invader from the left in the Bollywood picture Money Hai to Honey Hai. The strength he delivered that performance with was similar to Burt Reynolds in Deliverance. Bob is able to fight to his feet, but still has the problem of the front facelock being locked in on. He tries to punch his way free, but Riggs' hold remains tight. Thus he tries a flashier way out, and lifts Riggs up for an inverted atomic drop! Landing testicle first across Bob's knee, Riggs is forced to shatter his hold and attend to his beef n gravy. COACH You can't do that! Riggs has a ten second nude scene in the gay Pakistani melodrama Ugly Aur Pagli next week! Enraged Riggs charges Bob, but is taken over with a drop toe hold! Bob hastily scurries to Riggs' side and traps him into a side headlock. But his hold isn't held for more then a few seconds before, Riggs powers free. Both wrestlers head to their feet, but its JR who strikes first, by nailing Bobby boy in the midsection with his knee. With JB doubled over in agony, Riggs heads to the ropes. Upon his return he flashes his knee forward, and it connects solidly with Bob's nose. Bobby boy is thrown upright and staggers back in total agony. COACH Molly Nerdly, who worked as a PA on the Costa Rican film Aura Frirar Del Mar, said he played the best rotting corpse in the burnt out hospital she has ever seen in her three years in film. Trying to regain his lost momentum Bob rushes Riggs with a lariat, but Riggs charges forward as well. He stuns Bob by dropping to the ground and rolling forward. Without a chance to defend himself, Bob is blasted over by the Rolling Koppou (Wheel) Kick! COLE That's his move! As Bob lies motionless on the canvas, Riggs hooks his leg for a pinfall... ONE! TWO! THREE! Acting like he just captured a world title, Riggs throws his hands into the air and sinks down to his knees. Tears of joy pour down his face, while the audience just stares at him as though he were totally insane. COLE Well and impressive victory for James Riggs, showing up on HeldDOWN for the first time in months! Folks, we will return with more HeldDOWN after this!

HeldDOWN returns to an outside shot of the arena, with Cole speaking over it. COLE (V.O.) Folks, welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN on this road to Anglemania! The biggest show of the year keeps on getting bigger and bigger with matches being announced every week. The newest contest sees the Burrough Boys against ThunderKid, Reject and two unknown partners. Standing backstage with the Burrough Boys is Josh Matthews. Josh? JOSH I'm backstage here with the Burrough Boys, and Mariano, at AngleMania VII, the four of you will compete in an eight-man tag match. Problem is, you still don't know yet who two of your opponents are! MARIANO It ain't a problem for us, baby. When you got a tight-knit unit like we got here, you can throw any four guys out there, it don't matter one bit. JOSH And of course, one of those opponents wil be your former mentor, Reject. What goes through your mind as you step into the ring with him for the first time? Luther starts to speak, but Waldo steps in. WALDO We ain't forgot about the way he did us over the last few months! And we gonna get that chump back at AngleMania! LUTHER *shoves Waldo back* Shut up, man! He was askin' me. Luther turns to Josh. LUTHER We ain't forgot about the way he did us over the last few months. And we gonna get that chump back...at AngleMania. As Quincy starts to speak, Waldo shoves Luther in the back. QUINCY You expectin' us to be all emotional back here or somethin? This is war, baby. We got revenge on our mind. And AngleMania will be the place of redemption. JOSH OK, that's the Burrough Boys, back to you guys! COLE Thanks Josh. All of our matches at Anglemania are huge, but one of the biggest ones will see James Cone, a three time tag team champion, face off against Jester. To give you a greater insight into the mind of the Lunar Phoneix we've put together this video. FADE UP: A small hometown gym in Columbia, SC. The mom and pop kind of place that smells like piss and sweat. Old weight machines and a crappy aerobics area with busted mirrors. And pacing around is a familiar figure: James Cone, the “Lunar Phoenix”. PHOENIX (Voice Over) You take risks in this business. It’s part of the game. FLASHES OF: Spider-Poet flipping over ropes, taking chair shots, suplexes and other dangerous moves. Slow-mo of Jester dropping Phoenix on his head just a few weeks ago. PHOENIX (VO) But sometimes guys come along who aren’t really here for the game. JESTER and JOBBS grinning maniacally, from their AngleTron video PHOENIX (VO) People who just want to cause pain and suffering, end careers. SCREEN GOES BLACK with a BASS DROP PHOENIX (VO) But they don’t count on guys like me. WHITE FLASH back to the little crappy gym, where Phoenix is pulling himself up for the hundredth time, the hood of his “BURN BRIGHT” sleeveless hoodie hanging low over his brow as we track in on his intense face. PHOENIX (VO) Guys like me. FADE TO BLACK…

I'm stay trill for dukes on the struggle, and post the show friday early-latish afternoon o'green time

Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Theodore Moneymaker which is what I said fuk opneing segment, and got on some mainevent shit for.

Before the show started viewers were treated to The Love Doctors giving Biff Atlas a prostate exam. Or checking his blood pressure, whatever helps you jerk off at night. Atlas' routine checkup was halted by an intrusion from Cuban Wall. His pocket book suffering from the nasty affects of not being booked terribly often, Wall decided to get a side job of peddling prescription drugs. The problem he had was that he's in no position to actually get these drugs. His solution? Have The Docs write them for him, and then take thirty percent of the profits. Even though it took the stoic Wall all of five seconds to explain this otherwise pretty great idea, Atlas thought it was brilliant. The Docs, being the honorable medical practitioners that they are, and not being stupid enough to incriminate themselves on low rated Syndicated television, were aghast at Wall's request and promptly booted him from their office. Although dejected by their refusal to participate in his scheme, Wall retreated without incident. The Docs were able to go back to their examination of Biff until Wall returned and laid them out with a fire extinguisher. With the Docs laid out, Biff could only wonder when the hell someone was going to come and take this latex glove out his ass. Brought to you by American Express Taped: God only knows in the OAOAST! First air date: The mystery to stump every mystery. Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan After last week's fantastic mainevent the viewing world wondered how on earth would we book a show without The Christ Air Express or The Beverly Hills Blonds. Would we cancel? Replace it with an abridged version of Xanadu? Actually post it on time? No, friends, no indeed. Instead we'd feature Denzel Spencer, Nathaniel Black, Vinny Valentine, The Love Doctors (and you thought they were dead!), and so much more. ***Denzel Spencer Vs Nathaniel Black*** Definitely displeased over being the only LI member not to see torneo cibernetico action, Black sought to exercise his many aggressions on Spencer. But the fun loving Jamaican wasn't willing to be anyone's punching bag and tenaciously traded shots with Black. The two brawled across the ring with Black using little more then elbows, and his foe countering with chops and kicks. Finally Black bought himself a minor victory with a blatant knee to the groin followed by a twisting neckbreaker. From there the savage Englishman found great glee in tormenting Spencer with various submission holds targeting the neck. Unfortunately for Black, Spencer wouldn't yield to the rapidly mounting pain and put himself back on the attack after countering a flap jack with a diving lariat. With Black stunned by the sudden reversal of fortunes, Spencer wowed the crowd with an impressive array of martial arts based attacks. But when it came time to put Black down with a gutwrench powerbomb, Spencer lost hold of the slippery Brit and fell victim to an inverted neckbreaker. From there the two played a fast paced game of chess with Spencer throwing out his martial arts moves and Black combating with holds targeting the neck. It looked like Spencer would pull out the win when he hit the Carribean Compactor on his foe. But things fell apart when he went to the top rope for the famed 450 Splash known as the Kinpuppalick. To the fans horror, Black rolled out the way and Spencer violently crash landed onto canvas. As Spencer was left dazed by his painful miss, Black was easily able to submit him with a rear naked choke. Winner: Nate Black, via submission. A preview for this weeks Look Of Love was shown. Alls fair in scripted reality love shows and two thousand dollar dresses as the girls all try their hands at outfitting Krista for her Walk Of Fame Ceremony, Lil Wayne drops by to help Krista, her brother Nick, and Maggie Nerdly judge a good ol fashion rap battle, (just like on Yom Kippur!), and Tony Tourretes' ill chosen remarks about Arabs under the age of thirty with thinning hairlines results in his dismissal from Maya's third grade class president campaign. "I believe that words that degrade individuals have no place in our academic dialogue, whether it's pantsing Grant in the bake sale line in front of his own mom, or during recesses where we stick worms down Adam's pants then push him down a hill." Maya comments at a speech during fingerpainting in art class. After break the perpetually dour Black roamed the backstage area, not at all cheered up by his hard fought victory over Denzel Spencer. His mood delved from horrible to horrific when he encountered Detective Bosley, the man he dumped a catering table on two weeks ago. There wasn't time for tense staredowns before Black began rifling elbows at the officer of the law. Bosley didn't have a chance to exhibit a defense, as Black chucked him through a doorway leading to a janitor's closet. The worst was yet to come for Bos; Black removed the top of a bottle of windex and proceeded to force its contents down Bosley's throat. The only thing that saved Bosley with was intervention from security as well as Black's rival Jamie O'Hara. Feeling no remorse over his attempted murder, Black backed away while promising that O'Hara would be next. ***The Love Doctors Vs Brains and Brawn (Vitamin X and Cuban Wall)*** Early on, The Brawn dominated the...uh..love? The Docs took their turns trying to cut the big man down to size, but Wall tossed them around with unshakable ease. He launched them across the ring with belly to belly suplexs, snap powerslams, and managed to throw Pigley to the outside with a gorilla press slam. But X's decision to enter the match made things a little easier on The Docs and they were able to overpower him with fast tagging and a brawling based assault. The X-Man couldn't keep the pace with the Windy City duo and almost met defeat after The Crucifix Powerbomb by Pigley. But X was given an escape after he blasted Pigley with a Floatover DDT. This signature attack gave him the opportunity needed to tag in Wall. There, he and X settled into a steady rhythm of domination. Wall pulverized Pigley with his strength, while X laid into him with varying strikes and taunts. X's cockiness cost them dearly, as when he began the shuffling portion of his shane o mac shuffle Pigley stunned him with the Time Of Death (Michinoku Driver)! Wall realized that move meant the end was near and entered the ring to prevent Pigley from efforting a pin. But he was mowed down by a springboard lariat from Anderson, and soon the Docs were locked in another two on one battle with the hulking brawler. Unlike earlier in the match, the doctors of doctornomics one upped Wall and removed him from the ring with double dropkicks. Without the brawn to provide him with protection, X was quickly put out his misery with the The Lethal Injection. Winner: The Love Doctors via pinfall. ***Brock Ausstin Vs Jim Bob*** Unsurprisingly Jim Bob, he of the bland name, was little match for the former Heartland Champion. Austtin nearly beat the life out of Bob from the moment the opening bell rung, terrorizing the journeyman with wild strikes and numerous moves that dropped him directly on his head. Without mounting even one solitary attack, Bob was unceremoniously put away with the F-Stunner-5! Winner: Brock Ausstin, via pinfall. This week's Anglemania hype video featured former world champion and Syndicated correspondent, Tony Brannigan. Tony recollected on some of his favorite Anglemania memories, and his least favorite, before ending with the note that Anglemania is a chance for mere wrestlers to become superstars. ***Vinny Valentine Vs Mariachi*** With WARRIOR neither near nor far, the disco duck felt it permissible to take a few pre match pot shots at the greatest e-parody of our era. In his heavy Brooklyn accent, Vinny compared the entire spat with the king of ALDOSTERONE to the episode of Different Strokes where Dudley and Arnold faced advances from pedophile Gordon Jump. Valentine said the audience was Dudley, naively falling prey to WARRIOR's trickery, and stupid bamboozles! He said that they stupidly lapped up whatever crap WARRIOR gave them, and just like Dudley in the end they'd “go out and go down like punks”. They wouldn't ever say no to the junk shoveled on them by WARRIOR until finally there's an eighty year old white dude mounting their hairless, trembling, young black bodies. Valentine proclaimed he was different! He'd never go out like that! He was Arnold, a free independent thinker with an attitude the size of Texas but a heart of 24 karat gold. Proudly, Vinny boasted that he'd follow in the footsteps of Arnold and wouldn't be bullied or seduced into submission by WARRIOR. Just like Arnold, he'd fight the good fight until WARRIOR is off the streets for good. Pleased with his message, Valentine prepared to do battle with Mariachi. That is until he heard the dreadful music that eternally plauges his soul... Workin?, workin? up a black sweat Workin?, workin? up a black sweat Workin?, workin? up a black sweat Workin?, workin? up a black sweat As the audience rose to their feet with cries of anticipation, pink smoke swamped the ring floor, making the area look like a bubblegum factory burned to the ground. The once over confident Valentine was smashed into a rubble of confusion of fear, as the approach of his rival grew ever closer. Curiously unaffected by this sudden catastrophe was Mariachi. But the flamboyant entertainer would add his own twist to the affair when he peeled away his costume to reveal... That fantastically appalling sight was all Vinny needed to high tail it to the back like Diana Ross and Pam Grier were waiting bare ass naked. Not displaying the benevolence of last week, WARRIOR promptly gave chase to his enemy, while chopping his hand like a Tomahawk and singing Pop That Pussy by 2 Live Crew. The view switched towards the backstage area, where a ground based camera trailed Valentine, capturing his frantic rush from Warrior. His escape was fraught with numerous sharp and wild turns, almost as if he were trying to navigate a twisting maze with no end in sight. The backstage was a ghost town of darkness, only lit through small blue emergency lights on the walls. This made it monstrously difficult for Vinny to find his footing, and he continued to stumble through the curving hell. Perhaps most frustrating of all, his gator skinned boots kept scuffing the floor, providing Warrior with bread crumbs to trail his retreat. Even as the tearful disco duck pushed the pace of his escape, the horrific off screen singing of Warrior grew louder and more chilling. Pop, pop that pussy Pop, pop that pussy, baby Pop. pop that pussy Hey, pop that pussy, baby Finally a ray of hope shined down upon Vinny's miserable world; he found a bathroom which he dived into as though it were a bomb shelter. Though the room was uncomfortably small with nothing more then a toilet, a window, and a sink all pressed within inches of each other, it was nearly utopia for exhausted Vinny. Or so he thought. Then the sounds of Warrior's axe rasping against the door quickly changed his mind. With each strike of the axe, the white painted pieces of wood fell by the wayside, and Vinny's fear intensified magnificently. After creating a tiny hole in the side of the door, WARRIOR's hand peered into the bathroom, feeling for the doorknob. Sheri king with every breath ins lungs, Vinny launched his eyes across the room for something he could use in his defense. His brown orbs landed on the mirror over the sink, and without a moment of question Vinny brought it to shambles with his boot. He picked up a large shard of glass, then lanced it across Warrior's hand. A cut deep enough to put a normal man on the floor in agony appeared on WARRIOR'S hand. But WARRIOR is no mere mortal, and Vinny's fright was enormous when he watched the cut instantaneously heal itself. As Vinny was reduced to a blubbering puddle, WARRIOR resumed his efforts with the ax. WARRIOR's manic assault was relentless and ferocious and finally paid off by breaking away a huge chunk in the middle of the door. Crippled by the fear of his impending death, Vinny sunk against the wall down to the floor, tears flowing across his trembling face. "SPEAK TO ME, SUPERMAAAANIAAAAACS!!!" FADE OUT

on time as always!

Back from the commercial and we find Jamie O'Hara back in trouble, at the hands of Christian Wright. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and during the break, Jamie O'Hara found himself isolated by Cucaracha Enterprises. No other eliminations since we left you with that quadruple DQ, because... well, that would be kind of a copout, right? COACH Would have been easier. Wright wrenches away on the traditional abdominal stretch as the fans start to rally, lead from the apron by Leon Rodez. Feeling the energy from the Lousianianers, or something, O'Hara manages to turn a little, enough to get an elbow in to the ribs. And a second. And a third! Breaking free of the hold, O'Hara then hits the ropes... and gets cut off with a knee to the midsection! "OOOOOHHHHHHHH!" Cover by CDub... 1... 2... No! With a front facelock applied, Wright drags O'Hara over to the corner and lets Maddix tag in. Landon delivers a kick to the exposed ribs, leaving O'Hara struggling for breath. COLE Cucaracha Enterprises have the man advantage and they're doing a good job of isolating O'Hara, getting a fresh man in, working him over. Taking O'Hara over, Landon lines up and kicks him HARD in the spine, further softening up the ribs. Mockingly, Landon takes off as if he just scored the winning penalty in the World Cup Final, his over-exuberant celebration endearing him to... well, no-one. In the middle of his celebration, he gets slapped on the shoulder by one of those 'no-one' people, Todd Cortez, tagging himself in and motioning for a surprised Landon to take a hike. COLE Haha. Care to explain that one, Coach? COACH ... Cortez steps in and delivers his own kick to the spine. Only, unlike Landon, he follows it up with a pin. 1... 2... Kickout! Dragging O'Hara back up, Cortez quickly takes a step to the side and sweeps him backwards with a side russian legsweep. Rolling through in one movement he follows that up with a legdrop and tries another cover... 1... 2... No! COLE O'Hara showing his fight, but he needs to get a tag here. "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Sensing the same thing the fans get behind O'Hara again. Cortez doesn't concern himself with that though and keeps on The Birmingham Bad Boy as he rocks him with a European uppercut. A second uppercut leaves O'Hara slumped on the ropes, breathing heavily. Cortez grabs the wrist and does a quick spin as he pulls O'Hara off the ropes, right into a rolling back kick to the gut! Hooking up the shoulder, Todd then drags O'Hara backwards into a modified backbreaker and makes the cover... 1... 2... Foot on the ropes! COLE O'Hara simply hasn't been able to recover from that blocked 450. And I'm not sure how much longer he's gonna be able to stick in this one. Looking a little frustrated at Cortez's inability to finish Jamie off, Moneymaker tags in. COACH Not much longer, becomes here come the money! Using the ropes to pull himself up, O'Hara fights back to his feet. Moneymaker lays into him with a chop, before sending him off into the ropes and cutting him down with a clothesline from the left side. The Billion Dollar Heir then drops a FISTFUL OF DOLLARS onto the face. And not the good kind. Hook of the leg... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Moneymaker pulls O'Hara right back up, hitting a gutwrench suplex and trying again... 1... 2... Shoulder up again! Hands on hips, Moneymaker asks the referee if he's been paid off which of course he denies. Moneymaker then asks him if he fancies being paid off, his offer of a bribe being turned down by the upstanding Chioda. COLE I hate to think what Moneymaker's going to have up his sleeve if he wins here tonight. Who knows what he's going to use that AngleMania match of choice for. COACH Whatever benefits The Enterprise most is what he'll use it for. COLE That's what I'm worried about. Moneymaker drags O'Hara up again, O'Hara offering little assistance at this point. Guiding him into position Moneymaker then sends him into motion with a hard irish whip, O'Hara crunching into the turnbuckles and collapsing in a heap! MONEYMAKER "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mockingly Moneymaker takes a step back and actually encourages O'Hara to crawl and get the tag to Leon Rodez. That might be because O'Hara has the length of the ring to crawl and is doing so at a snail's pace. But suddenly O'Hara takes a backwards turn and tries to roll out of the ring! Moneymaker JUST grabs his ankle in time to stop him from escaping and drags him away from his reprieve, clubbing him with a couple of forearms for daring to make The Billion Dollar Heir look foolish. As O'Hara gets up, Moneymaker then throws a clothesline. O'Hara ducks and goes for a kick, caught... but O'Hara lands with an Enziguri!! COLE Caught him! And now O'Hara HAS to tag! And he does, by rolling out of the ring with Moneymaker this time inches short of catching him! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh no oh no. COLE Oh yeah! Theodore Moneymaker is about to get what's damn well coming to him!! Leon rushes into the ring and to little surprise, Moneymaker decides discretion is the better part of valour and tries to get out of the ring. Leon grabs him by the tights and stops him though, spinning him around and hitting him with a jab! COLE Mama Said Moneymaker's gonna get knocked out! A jab! COACH Yeah, but who's Mama? A jab! A jab! ...another jab! And another! And another!! And another!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH Come on, stop! Those are closed fists! Leon just keeps teeing off on Moneymaker with the rights, each and every one of them with Jade's name on it. But Moneymaker, realising he's in trouble, quickly goes to the eyes... AND THEN GOES LOW, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Not waiting around for the announcement, Moneymaker takes off down the aisle nursing his jaw from the persistant jabs. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, Theodore Moneymaker has been disqualified... and, eliminated! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE A first class exhibition in taking the coward's way out! Moneymaker just threw away his chances of winning the Cibernetico and his team's man advantage, just to get the hell away from fighting the man who's life he's again tried to ruin! ****************** THEODORE MONEYMAKER (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #8 Eliminated: 6th (overall), 3rd (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: DQ (KOL) 5 - 5 (CE) ********************** Not looking too pleased on the outside, Landon bemoans the fact Moneymaker has thrown away a great situation, right in earshot of the only Enterprise member left, Christian Wright. Being the only member left, he holds his tongue. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" The fans get back into the match as James Blonde comes in clubbing away on the compromised Silky Smooth One. Blonde then tries to take advantage of what Mr. Moneymaker left him as he goes for a quick pinfall... 1... 2... No! COLE The match keeps on rolling though. No time for Leon to catch a reprieve, or his breath after that blatant lowblow. The Trendsetter sees that Leon is still hurting despite the kickout and risks going up top. Scaling the turnbuckles, he measures Leon with fist clenched, kissing the fist before coming off the top with the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... ...AND EATS BOOT!! COACH Oh, why does that always happen? Rolling to his corner, Leon gets off the tag to Jock Mulligan who quickly latches a hold of JB's arm. An irish whip sends him for the ride, Jock going up with a standing dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! Blonde staggers to his feet, hand out-stretched hopefully looking for a tag. He walks right into a scoop from Jock, taking Blonde up over his shoulder for the running powerslam... but Blonde escapes! Blonde quickly grabs a cobra clutch, looking for Illegally Blonde! Jock digs his elbow into the ribs to escape that though, spinning out of the clutches and going to the ribs again with a boot. Off the ropes, Jock then mows Blonde down with the Bandit Kick!! COLE Right in the face, he got him! 1... 2... NO!! Pulling Blonde up again, Jock shoots him into a neutral corner. From the opposite side of the ring The Texas Twister then tells Blonde to Bite My Shiny Metal Ass... ...BUT HE MOVES! Jock ends up BUTT-bumping the top turnbuckle and with Blonde now on the outside, Jock's fate gets even worse, as Faqu stampedes in with an AVALANCHE!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Where did Faqu come from!? Like a mack truck, he just plowed right through The Texas Twister! As Faqu leaves the ring seemingly to check Blonde is okay, Christian Wright quickly comes in and takes over. Hooking up the head, Wright hangs Jock up across the top rope...and whips him down with the CONVERSION RATE!! COACH How's that for a texas twister? Cover by CW... 1... 2... 3!!! BUFFER Jock Mulligan has been eliminated! COLE And Cucaracha Enterprises have their man advantage back. ****************** JOCK MULLIGAN (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #2 Eliminated: 7th (overall), 4th (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: Christian Wright (KOL) 4 - 5 (CE) ********************** Wright has little time to celebrate though, as Tyler Bryant runs in and catches him with the Phantom Neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE The action shows no sign of abating here. These men have been out here for some time now and the fatigue is beginning to set in, everybody can sense a pinfall is one big shot away. A dropkick sends Wright backpedalling, caught in the ropes as Tyler charges with a clothesline. Wright gets a boot up to block though and quickly hooks Tyler up, looking to send him the way of his partner with the Conversion Rate. He hooks on the facelock, lifts Tyler up... but Tyler floats behind, rolling Wright up... 1... 2... No! The kickout sends Tyler through the ropes and to the floor, bringing Baron in. Wright manages to duck a Lariat, but as he ducks his head on the rebound Baron catches the head and plants The Natural with the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE PLANTED him! Baron flips CW over and hooks the leg deep... 1... 2... SAVE BY LANDON!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The distraction allows Wright to groggily roll from the ring, leaving the backpedalling Landon the legal man in the ring. Begging off from Baron, Landon sees Cortez step to the apron and suddenly realises he's in trouble... so he slaps Cortez's hand and tags himself out before Baron can get his hands on him! COACH Good move. COLE Well that's a good way to survive in this match, but it's hardly becoming of a former World Champion. Baron holds his hands on his hips, frustrated at the lack of guts shown by La Cucaracha. His pre-occupation with Landon could prove costly though, as when he turns to Cortez he gets a shot to the gut and pulled down as Todd slingshots in with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Underneath a clothesline goes Cortez, coming off the ropes at the side and charging back at Baron with the HOLLOW POOOOIIIIII... NO! Baron gets a BIG Boot up into the face of the onrushing Urban Legend! As soon as Cortez goes down he's 'helped' to the outside by Landon and CW though, allowing Blonde to get in and dump Baron to the outside as well. COLE And, thanks to some more 'questionable' tactics, that's going to mean Jamie O'Hara is back in the match. Barely having got himself onto the apron thanks to the punishment he's taken, O'Hara is dragged into the ring by Blonde, smirking away as he clubs him with some forearms. A vertical suplex takes The Birmingham Bad Boy up and over, a casual pin from Blonde... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH You know, O'Hara should do the honourable thing and just give up, give his partners a chance to win. COLE How in the world do you figure that? COACH Well only one guy's going to win in the end. And it's not going to be O'Hara, because he can barely stand, let alone fight. Just let Blonde pin you and get it over with. Makes sense to me. COLE ... Supremely confident, Blonde paintbrushes O'Hara with the flat of his boot. And again, daring him to get up and fight. Which he does as he surprises JB with a right hand to the gut! Another right lands. And another. O'Hara then pulls himself to his feet... and Blonde cuts him off with knee to the back as he sets himself for a spinkick! COLE O'Hara is a fighter, but he's fighting from underneath from here on out. Those ribs have been worked on for a good portion of this Cibernetico and one shot is a killer in this situation. Blonde quickly scoops O'Hara up... and drives him down with a Kneeling Powerbomb! 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Another kickout! Give O'Hara credit. COACH Why? Seriously, all he's doing is prolonging the inevitable. Sure, he's showing a lot of fight, but all he's proving to me is that he's a glutton for punishment. COLE It's about pride, Coach. It's about guts. And it's about AngleMania VII! Blonde looks at Chioda with a furrowed brow, hands on hips. Grabbing hold of O'Hara again he then coaches Chioda on how to deliver a three count, expecting to see it in practice as he lifts O'Hara up again. But O'Hara blocks the powerbomb attempt with a right hand! Another! O'Hara then shifts himself behind, tumbling forward into a Victory Roll... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT!? COLE The reigning Cibernetico campeón is gone! COACH That never would have happened have O'Hara had just given up! BUFFER James Blonde has been eliminated! ****************** JAMES BLONDE (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #1 Eliminated: 8th (overall), 4th (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: Jamie O'Hara (KOL) 4 - 4 (CE) ********************** As the incredulous Blonde is motioned from the ring, O'Hara slumps backwards and tries to catch a breather. However, there are no breathers in the Cibernetico. As he soon finds out when Faqu steps into the ring and CRUSHES The Birmingham Bad Boy with a Big Splash!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That may just put pay to the guts of O'Hara though. Just for good measure, Faqu peels O'Hara off the canvas and double-underhooks the arms. He then elevates him up... and sits out with the DEATH BY SAMOAN piledriver, counting along in Samoan with the count... 1... 2... 3!! BUFFER Jamie O'Hara has been eliminated! O'Hara is rolled out of the ring by Faqu, looking down on his handiwork and beating his chest. COLE Jamie put up a heck of the fight, but Faqu was simply too much for him. And once again, Cucaracha Enterprises have their man advantage back. ****************** JAMIE O'HARA (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #8 Eliminated: 9th (overall), 5th (Team) Eliminations: James Blonde Eliminated By: Faqu (KOL) 3 - 4 (CE) ********************** Landon regains the confident smile on his face, as Leon Rodez wearily pulls himself into the ring to face the big Samoan. COLE So we're down to Leon Rodez, Tyler Bryant and Baron Windels on the one side... Faqu, Cortez, Maddix and Christian Wright on the other. COACH Looks like Leon's got some work to do if his 'Kings' are gonna survive tonight. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" In the absense of James Blonde, Landon offers his words of advise to Faqu before he and Rodez lock it up. Leon quickly shrugs off the attempts to grab a hold of him by Faqu... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...chop... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...another... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a third. FAQU BLLLLLLAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! The knifedges only serve to aggrivate Faqu though and shoves Rodez away, before lunging at him with a clothesline. Leon ducks it though, tumbling forward with the Shack Attack as Faqu rebounds off the ropes, knocking him down! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE The Wrecking Ball just came off it's chains! With Faqu down, Leon quickly elevates Faqu's legs and tries to apply the Liontamer! Applying the hold on the 300 pounder and his tree-trunk like legs is a losing exercise though and Rodez can't get the hold he wants on the legs. So he settles instead for dropping a head to the (hefty) breadbasket, before rolling over and tagging in Tyler Bryant. The two members of Love Generation show their double-team ability, as they send Faqu off the ropes with a double whip and connect on a Double Dropkick. COLE The former 6-Man Tag Team Champions on one third of the new Champions. Another quick tag is made, bringing in Baron. He and Tyler combine with another double whip. Calling an audible, Baron then leads Tyler in hitting a Double Shoulderblock, again putting Faqu down! COLE Arkansas Toothpick, out of Baron and Tyler? Another quick tag, Baron and Leon now combining. Landon and Wright protest about the continued double teaming, as Baron and Leon manage to get Faqu up with a Double Hiptoss on the rebound! Leon then dives on top for the cover, after the three consecutive double-teams... 1... 2... No! COLE The Kings have realised what they have to do with Faqu. Quick attacks, get fresh men in and out, double-team offence. COACH Keep the odds unfair you mean? COLE They've got five counts to get in and out, same as any tag team competition. Faqu gets rocked by some jabs from Leon now, backed up towards a neutral corner. Rodez grabs the arm and tries to send him across the ring with an irish whip, only for Faqu to root himself to the spot and reverse, short-whipping Leon into the corner behind him. Leon clatters into the turnbuckles and falls right into Faqu's arms, thrown overhead with an Overhead Belly To Belly Suplex! Quickly Christian calls for a tag. And once he's recieved the go-ahead from Landon, Faqu does tag out to The Natural. COLE One move from Faqu and the tide turns. That's why he's so dangerous. COACH And now here comes CDub, repping for The Enterprise, keeping the dream alive! That's why you never count out Theodore Moneymaker. COLE Yeah, I'm sure if Christian wins, Moneymaker will still be the one making the decisions regarding AngleMania. Stepping in with his longtime enemy, Wright pulls Rodez up and rocks him with a couple of European uppercuts. Irish whip, but Wright ducks his head early and gets a hard kick to the shoulder blade for his troubles. Wright recovers and swings with a clothesline, ducked by Leon. Boot to the gut and Leon butterflies the arms... but Wright spins out, butterflying the arms himself and elevating Leon up and over the shoulder... but Leon squirms free and escapes down the back! Waistlock, but a standing switch from CW and a Germa... NO! Leon dips forward and cradles Wright up... 1... 2... No! Both men up and a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE leaves both men right back down! COLE Man, what an effort from all of these men. We're going to stay with you to the conclusion here on HeldDOWN~!, we've been given extra time by the good folks at TSM. Both Leon and Wright take their time to catch their wind and make their seperate ways over to the corner. Christian gets the tag off first and Landon tries to cut off Leon, but doesn't get there in time! Tag to Tyler, who's been a ball of energy all night and finds some more to unload with right hands on Landon! Landon tries to slow him down by grabbing a headlock, but Tyler shoots him off to the ropes. Drop down forces La Cucaracha up and over, Tyler swinging with a clothesline... Landon putting on the brakes and pulling Tyler into the Complete Shot! 1... 2... NO! COLE I dare say Landon is the freshest man in the match at this point. He's done a good job of avoiding too much action, to put it kindly. Up to the middle turnbuckle climbs Landon, waving Tyler back to his feet. As Tyler walks in Landon then takes off, looking to hook him with the DDT on the way down... but Tyler dodges past and Landon is forced to land on his feet! Off the ropes, Landon ducks underneath a thrown elbow, coming off the opposite side with plenty of speed. Not enough to catch Tyler out though as he throws a dropkick low, catching Maddix in the knee and sending him sprawling across the canvas face-first! COLE Look out! As Landon comes up to a knee, Tyler flings himself forward with the SHINING ENZIGURI... ...DUCKED! Tyler lands up flopping to the mat empty-handed and gets pulled up, into the fireman's carry, caught with a quick GTS!! COACH GO TO SLEEP! 1... 2... 3!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH YES! BUFFER Tyler Bryant has been eliminated! ****************** TYLER BRYANT (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #3 Eliminated: 10th (overall), 6th (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: Landon Maddix (KOL) 2 - 4 (CE) ********************** Leon hangs his head a little on the floor, but Baron isn't moping around catches Landon with a Texas sized LARIAT as he turns around! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" COLE That could be it just as quick! 1... 2... NO!! COLE Landon barely getting that left shoulder up. His team have the big advantage now, 2 on 4, Baron and Leon in a tough, tough position right now. Backing Maddix into the corner, Baron scales the ropes and calls on some support from the Lafayette crowd. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" ...punches in the corner! On rubber legs, Landon reaches a hand out in front of him and looks for the tag, using the ropes to guide him towards his corner. Baron is in his way though and drives a boot in to the gut, before launching into the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL... ...BLOCKED!! Landon grabs onto the top rope and Baron crashes down hard on the back of his head!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE A very resourceful move from Landon right there, blocking that big DDT. And Baron is in even deeper trouble now. Landon gets the tag off to Cortez now, The Urban Legend quickly heading up top. With Baron seeing stars in the ceiling of the arena Todd then takes off and delivers a big Legdrop from the top floor. Cortez then rolls out of the ring, allowing Faqu to come in and squash Baron with a Big Splash!! Leg hooked by the Samoan... COLE Is that going to do it? 1... 2... 3!!! COLE Ohhh... it is. BUFFER Baron Windels has been eliminated! ****************** BARON WINDELS (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #6 Eliminated: 11th (overall), 7th (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: Faqu (KOL) 1 - 4 (CE) ********************** As Baron is rolled to the floor, all eyes turn now to Leon Rodez, the sole representative of his team and on the wrong side of four on one odds. Leon helps Baron out of the ring and pats him on the back, while Christian Wright tags in and dares Leon back into the ring. COACH Go ahead Leon, take your buddy back and save yourself the humiliation of the beating of your life. No-one would think any the less of you. COLE That's not going to happen, I can guarantee you that Coach. This is going to have to be the performance of the century from Leon Rodez, but he's going to take it on. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" No partners, but Leon does have the crowd behind him at least and after checking Baron is okay Leon slides back in to face his fate. Wright immediately jumps him and drives his knee into the back and the back of the head, then stomps away while referee Chioda tries to get him off the ropes. Dragging Leon out, Wright lands with a European uppercut. And a second. Shooting Leon across the ring, The Natural then elevates him up for the Wright Off... NO, Leon manages to counter with a mid-air dropkick!! COLE Oh yeah! Out of the ring rolls Wright, allowing Landon in from behind. He jumps Leon and works him over with clubbing blows to the back, before spinning him around... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chopping him in the chest. But Leon responds... *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...cracking Landon with a chop and causing him to howl in pain! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Chop by Landon! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Chop by Leon, squeal by Landon! Having had quite enough of that, Landon goes to the eyes and loads Leon into the ropes. As Landon goes up for the Hurri-Lanrana, Rodez goes tumbling through the legs though and he catches Maddix as he lands, spinning him around into the Blue Thunder Bomb! COLE It's Da Boom! Rodez is a one-man wrecking crew here! COACH That's okay, keep rotating and eventually he's gonna run out of gas! Out goes Landon and in comes Cortez, but he whiffs on a Roundhouse Kick and eats a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and cracking Cortez with the enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Cover by Leon... 1... 2... FAQU BREAKS IT UP! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Faqu continues to wail away on Leon and it's only Todd Cortez being pulled from the ring by Landon that prevents the referee from calling another DQ. Now officially legal, Faqu reaches down and grabs a hold of Leon's trapezius muscle and pulls him to his feet in a nerve hold. Somehow Leon manages to thrust out and break off the dehabilitating nervehold though, booting Faqu in the gut and double underhooking him... COACH Not gonna happen my friend. ...sure enough, Rodez can't get Faqu up for the Tiger Driver and gets backdropped by The Samoan Wrecking Ball. COLE That was a real mistake from Leon, perhaps getting caught up in the moment a little. How costly a mistake could that prove to be though? Slowly pulling himself back up, the adrenaline has drained away and Leon looks fatigued again as he slumps over... *SMACK!* ...AND GETS NAILED WITH A THRUST KICK TO THE JAWii! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH How about very? As Rodez lays flat out in the centre of the ring Faqu beats his chest primatively and lets out a primal yell. He then runs the ropes, leaping up and tucking in mid-air as he comes down with another Big Splash... ...MISSES!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE No, nobody home for the bigman this time around! Faqu knocks the wind out of himself and Leon quickly scrambles for the nearest corner. Up top, with the crowd all risen to their feet, Rodez makes sure of getting his footing before taking off... AND HITTING THE 450!!! Leon pulls up on the far leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE GOT HIM! That's one! BUFFER Faqu has been eliminated! ****************** FAQU (Cucaraca Enterprises) Team Entry: #2 Eliminated: 12th (overall), 5th (Team) Eliminations: Jamie O'Hara, Baron Windels Eliminated By: Leon Rodez (KOL) 1 - 3 (CE) ********************** The ecstatic fans are dampened only slightly as Christian Wright comes back in and beats down Leon again. Leon tries to fight with some bodyshots but Christian manages to overwhelm him with his attack before locking him into a front facelock. Wright looks for a suplex... but Leon counters with a small package! COLE YES! 1... 2... NO!! CW gets out just before three... and then beats Leon to his feet, dropping him with a Spear!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well Leon is giving these Lafayette fans plenty of reason to hope. But the odds are still stacked three on one. He may very well be fighting a losing battle, against three of the top competitors in the OAOAST with no-one to tag. COACH No doubt about it. Both men fight to their feet at roughly the same time, but it's clear that The Natural is in better shape at this point than his opponent. Leon simply staggers to his feet and walks into CW as he ducks low and tackles Rodez down with a double-leg takedown. Crossing over the legs, Wright then turns The Silky Smooth One over before he has a chance to realise what's happening, into the Texas Cloverleaf! COLE The Wallstreet Cloverleaf applied! How much can Leon possibly have left at this point to make the ropes? Walking back with the hold, Wright increases the angle of Leon's body to put him in even more discomfort. Rodez claws at the canvas and tries to crawl towards the ropes. First he manages to get his body a little flatter to the canvas which at least alieviates some of the pressure. Next is the crawl to the ropes. Wright tries to stand his ground, but The Grand Rapids Golden Child determinedly carries on crawling... ...AND REACHES THE ROPES! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" With a weary sigh, Wright heads to his corner and gets the tag to Landon, before going back over and catching Leon on the ropes. An irish whip sends Leon in, Wright this time catching him good on the rebound with the WRIGHT OFF! And Wright is able to position Rodez pretty much perfectly with the move, allowing Landon to follow up off the top with a Frog Splash! COACH That's it. Gotta be. 1... 2... KICKOUT!!! COACH Oh, come on! COLE Can you believe this effort? Leon Rodez may have a heart the size of Lafayette! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Climbing back to his feet, Landon says "that's it" and pulls Leon back up again. Barely able to stand, Leon is hooked up, ready for the Crash Landon '05, leant back by La Cucaracha and pulled... ...NO! Leon twists out of it and trips up Landon, looking for the LIONTAMER... ...but Landon blocks it and manages to kick back, sending Leon back into the turnbuckles! After hitting them with a thud, Leon then staggers back out and gets caught with the CRASH LANDON '05, brought down face first to a disappointed groan around the arena. COACH There went the heart. 1... 2... 3!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And that's gonna do it for Leon, but what an effort. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Leon Rodez has been eliminated! ****************** LEON RODEZ (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #1 Eliminated: 13th (overall), 8th (Team) Eliminations: Faqu Eliminated By: Leon Rodez (KOL) 0 - 3 (CE) ********************** Jumping to his feet, Landon celebrates like he just won the World Title, apparantly unaware in the heat of the moment that although his team have won, the match itself isn't actually over yet! One person who does realise is Christian Wright though, sliding into the ring and lining up Landon from behind with hands clenched. COLE We're not done yet folks! There can only be one winner and it's not going to be Landon unless he realises where he is! The celebrations continue on from La Cucaracha though, so Wright charges... ...NO! Cortez cuts him off with a boot, pulling him into a standing headscissors AND SPIKING HIM DOWN WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS!!!! COLE There it is! The most devestating move in the OAOAST, nobody kicks out from that! 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE We are down to two! BUFFER Christian Wright has been eliminated! ****************** CHRISTIAN WRIGHT (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #5 Eliminated: 14th (overall) Eliminations: Jock Mulligan Eliminated By: Todd Cortez ********************** A little confused by that announcement, Landon glances over at Michael Buffer from his victorious position on the middle turnbuckle, but just shrugs and goes back to punching the air. Behind him, Todd Cortez rolls CW out of the ring, looking up at his enforced team-mate... and smiling! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh... oh no... LANDON! LANDON, turn around! COLE It's down to Cortez and Landon! And I don't think Landon has any idea what's waiting for him! COACH Don't do this Todd... you just SAVED him, think of the contract! Think of Cucaracha Internacional! Think of your 6-Man Titles! Jumping down off the turnbuckles, Landon blows a theatrical kiss to the crowd, mistaking their cheers and standing on their feet as appreciation for him. Cortez continues to wait behind him, until finally Landon lets out one giant cheer of victory, turning around... ...into a boot, getting pulled into the standing headscissors... COACH NOOOOOOOOO!!! *WHAM~!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE RIOT. ACT. PLUS~! Cortez makes the cover on the completely motionless La Cucaracha, the fans going wild... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the Torneo Cibernetico... "THE URBAN LEGEND" TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD CCOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ****************** LANDON MADDIX (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #6 Eliminated: 15th (overall) Eliminations: Tyler Bryant, Landon Maddix Eliminated By: Todd Cortez ********************** ************** TODD CORTEZ (Cucaracha Enterprises) Eliminations: Shayne Brave, Christian Wright, Landon Maddix SOLE SURVIVOR ************* Cortez's hand is raised in victory, as he stands over Landon, looking down at his stable mate. COLE What an incredible night. 16 men gave it their very all and in the end, for one fleeting moment, Todd Cortez got what he wanted. He got his hands on Landon Maddix once again. And now, "The Urban Legend" is going to AngleMania! COACH I can tell you this Michael, there's going to be hell to pay for this! That is Todd Cortez's SUPERIOR! Landon Maddix is the boss of Cucaracha Internacional and you don't cross the boss! We haven't heard the last of this, I promise you! COLE Well we definately haven't, we'll hear more about it next week, including what the future holds comes AngleMania VII! But for tonight in Lafayette, from Michael Cole and from the Coach, we leave you with the Torneo Cibernetico III winner, Todd Cortez! Goodnight! Cortez continues to stand over Landon, who has still yet to move for those of you who care, victorious as we FADE OUT

PRESENTED IN HD The epic track Ultimate Victory along with the fancifully produced intro video welcomes A FUCK LOAD of viewers across this fair great land of ours to the greatest send up of a professional wrestling show in television history, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! As the video draws to a close with Zack Malibu standing atop a cliff glaring over his shoulder we're brought to the logo, which a certain someone said he'd redesign, and i'm still waiting so if he's reading suck a dick, b! We go straight to our "legendary" announce team who stand ready to introduce us to tonight's festivities. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST welcomes you to Lafyette for another action packed edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN! I'm Michael Cole sitting beside Da Coach, eagerly anticipating the fast approaching Anglemania. But maybe we should be eagerly anticipating tonight's mainevent, a Torneo Cibernetico! What a huge match that is! COACH Other brothas better holla at Cucracha Enterprises. This shit is serious. Gonna be a fucking epidemic when they music hits. These other fools can't fuck with the movement. Stomp a hole in ya'll boys and leave ya in the river. You know what this is. COLE Well, The Kings Of Leon team certainly has their fair share of quality competitors, let's not discount that for a moment! And let's not discount the other great features we have for tonight's program. Krista Isadora Duncan was recently inducted into the Hollywood Walk Of Fame and we'll have footage on that. But a few blocks down the road her ex-girlfriend got in a major leauge fender bender that has the tabloids buzzing. We'll have an update on that tonight, as well as another episode of Reel Talk with guests Team Heyross, and the official contract signing for the Heartland Title. I'd hate to have be a security guard for that one. Heck, I hate being within thirty feet whenever Alfdogg and Sandman get together! “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke and power walks down the entrance ramp to the ring, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused on the ring. The crowd cheers louder than before. COLE And what a way to start off HeldDOWN~! with an appearance from the #1 Contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title, Tha Puerto Rican! COACH (sarcastically) Oh joy. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing his trademark Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned red and black dress shirt which probably costs $800, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up, and black dress shoes. PRL has a cocky smirk on his face as he walks to the ring. COLE In 3 weeks time, Tha Puerto Rican will step into the ring against the man who he USED to call his manager, 'Career Consultant' and friend, Stephen Joseph Popick in the main event of AngleMania VII for the World Heavyweight Title in what is undoubtedly the single most important match in Tha Puerto Rican’s 10 year career! COACH Oh yes, Michael Cole. You are right. This will be the single biggest match in Tha Puerto Rican’s whole entire career, which is why it’ll be SOOOO great when he goes ahead and blows it AGAIN at AngleMania VII! COLE But PRL is more focused than ever before. He had to risk his career to get to this point! He’s been screwed time and time again, but he has fought back! And now, he’s got a date with destiny on March 30th at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. COACH Well, I’ve got some bad news for PRL: Destiny doesn’t put out! Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap hands with the fans before power walking around the ringside area. PRL climbs the ring steps up onto the ring apron. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron. He gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow and then enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. Tha Puerto Rican then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air. The crowd continues cheering. PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to another second turnbuckle where he raises his hands in the air again. The crowd cheers some more. COLE The Lightning Bolts are standing in appreciation for their hero, The People’s Champion, Tha Puerto Rican! COACH All this proves is how the OAOAST has nothing but fair-weather fans! Each and every last one of them! PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his right fist into the air while he “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines on him ala The Rock. PRL then gets off of the second turnbuckle and heads to the fourth second turnbuckle where he does the same Rock pose again, receiving more cheers. COLE And before we get to AngleMania, Popick’s wife Lindsay will be in action here tonight defending her OAOAST Women’s Championship against Maggie Nerdly as a result of what happened last week. COACH Maggie was lucky to get the pinfall last Thursday! But there ain’t NO WAY, NO…WAY that she will be able to get the pinfall and become Women’s Champion here tonight! No way! She’s an INTERVIEWER for crying out loud, Michael! Be real! COLE Stranger things have happened, Coach. COACH We haven’t gotten that ridiculous yet, Cole. And yes, I am including Derek the drunken fish in that comment! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. He receives one from a ringside attendant. The lights go back on in the arena as Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring with a microphone in his left hand. COLE You think PRL will be watching the Maggie/Lindsay match later on tonight? COACH Yeah. He lusts after Maggie and still has feelings for Lindsay, of course he will! And I don’t blame him. Two hot girls fighting in the middle of the ring right here tonight! I cannot wait for that match, Michael! “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL looks at the crowd with a smirk on his face. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” PRL “smells the electricity” again. COLE The thousands in attendance here in Lafayette chanting for The Great One! COACH I hate his long winded speeches. The crowd is still chanting for P.R. Tha Puerto Rican chuckles. The camera cuts to several PRL signs in the crowd. COACH Just get it over with already! Tha Puerto Rican puts the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN At long last…after all this time…THE CHAMP IS HERE IN LAFAYETTE! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Whoop-dee-do! Whatever. Tha Puerto Rican takes in a minute to let the fans cheer for him. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COACH Come on! Come on! We ain’t got all day! This is a 2 hour show, P.R.! COLE Why don’t you go tell him that yourself? COACH Nah, I’ll stay here instead. Tha Puerto Rican puts the microphone to his lips again. THA PUERTO RICAN On January 15, 1998, Tha Puerto Rican had his first ever match in San Juan, Puerto Rico. On January 23, 2003, Tha Puerto Rican signed a contract with the One And Only AngleSault Thread and on March 10, 2003, Tha Puerto Rican made his debut right here in the OAOAST. COACH Right. Enough with the history lesson! PRL (CONT’D) On May 23, 2004, Tha Puerto Rican formed an alliance with one Stephen Joseph Popick. An alliance that soon turned into a friendship. But on November 30, 2007, that friendship was ended when Stephen Joseph Popick BETRAYED Tha Puerto Rican as did my friends AND my fiancée! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH HA! HA! Yeah! That was great! COLE An unforgettable moment in OAOAST history! Nobody EVER saw it coming! COACH Especially Tha Puerto Rican! COLE Yep. THA PUERTO RICAN I know. I know. It hurt. It DID hurt. I’m not gonna lie. BUT, time has passed, Tha Puerto Rican has moved on, and Tha Puerto Rican is looking to the future. Oh yes, for the future looks bright indeed. You see, there is another event, another milestone in Tha Puerto Rican’s incredible career that hasn’t happened yet. This very important date has yet to pass, but here’s a little something that you don’t know about Tha Puerto Rican: Tha Puerto Rican is something of a fortune teller, Tha Puerto Rican can see a little bit into the future, and Tha Puerto Rican foresees that on March 30, 2008, Tha Puerto Rican will walk down The People’s Ramp, slide into The People’s Ring, and proceed to layeth the smacketh down on that FOUR-EYED, WHITE BREAD, BACKSTABBING, MANIPULATIVE, LYING, CHEATING PIECE OF MONKEY CRAP STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK AND BECOME, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD…Champion. The crowd cheers. Tha Puerto Rican has become hyper and tries to calm down. Another “P.R.!” chant breaks out. COACH Keep dreaming, Puerto. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is looking to finally accomplish the one thing that he hasn’t done yet in his career in 3 weeks! COACH He won’t do it! He’ll choke. AGAIN! THA PUERTO RICAN It is safe to say that Tha Puerto Rican has been through Hell to get to where he is at. And now, looking back, looking back at everything Stephen Joseph Popick and the SJPC have done to Tha Puerto Rican…screwing me out of the Lethal Rumble Match, screwing me match after match, hitting me with all of their finishing moves; after every Finality, after every Wallbreaker, after every Corporate Splash, after every Killswitch, after every Anklelock, after every 6-1-9, after every Fly Swatter, after every Latino Bomb, after every Leap Of Faith, after every X-Clamation Point, after every Vete a la mierda Motherfucker!, after every chairshot, after every Chokeslam, after every slap, after every beltshot, after every punch and kick to The People’s Groin, after everything the Corporation has thrown at me, Tha Puerto Rican has THROWN BACK AND HE IS STILL STILL STANDING HERE TODAY AND THA PUERTO RICAN IS GOING TO ANGLEMANIA VII! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Please don’t let the fans start another chant! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COACH Ah hell! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is full of confidence as we head into AngleMania VII! COACH When is he NOT full of confidence!? Besides, it will make it all the more sweeter when he falls on his face in front of over 100,000 fans in the L.A. Coliseum! PRL stops to “smell the electricity”, and then continues speaking. THA PUERTO RICAN Now, Tha Puerto Rican knows that this won’t be an easy match. Tha Puerto Rican knows that each and every member of the Corporation will be watching this match just waiting for the right moment to strike. The right moment to interfere and SCREW ME out of my dream once again! COACH You’ll screw it up all on your own, P.R.! PRL Well Tha Puerto Rican says that whether it is a hyperactive spazz who dances like he has rod up his anus, or a big tub of goo who can’t tell his elbow from a hole in the wall, OR if it’s a midget who still needs a booster seat, OR if it’s the biggest piece of two dollar rancid s(bleep) meat Tha Puerto Rican has ever seen! COACH Hey! How dare you talk about Lin--Stac--is it Lindsay or Princess Stacey he’s talking about? COLE Probably Lindsay. COACH How DARE you talk about Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick like that!? PRL Tha Puerto Rican says IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO YOU BRING IN TO INTERFERE! Because whether it is you, Vitamin X, or you, Bone Thug, or you, Cuban Wall, or hell, even if it’s freaking Thomas Rodriguez, whoever it is you bring in to run interference, Tha Puerto Rican will walk right over them just like I will walk right over you, Popick, and I will STILL become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd cheers. COACH Yak. Yak. Yak. PRL So, having said that-- "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Oh yeah! COLE We are about to be join by the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH Thank you, Popick! The crowd starts booing loudly. The lights go down in the arena. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the entrance. The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and every member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation comes out drawing LOUD boos from the fans. Stephen Joseph Popick comes out first, wearing his eyeglasses, a gold chain around his neck, a white buttoned down collared shirt, a gray sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, his gold wedding ring on his right ring finger, gray dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up, and black dress shoes. He holds the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder, and has a microphone in his right hand. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick comes out next, wearing hoop earrings, a necklace, a leather tanktop, gold bracelets on her wrists, a gold watch on her right wrist, her gold wedding ring on her right ring finger, a leather skirt, and black heel boots with stockings on her legs. Lindsay holds the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her left shoulder and looks at PRL with disgust on her face. She stands next to her husband, who puts his left arm around her shoulders. COACH The Golden Couple of the OAOAST! COLE But for how much longer? COACH Forever, Michael Cole! Forever! Vitamin X comes out next, wearing a white T-shirt, a blue short sleeved collared shirt over it, a gold chain around his neck, an expensive watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt to hold them up, and black dress shoes. VX stands next to Lindsay on the entrance stage. Princess Stacey comes out next, wearing her tiara on her head, a necklace with her name on it, diamond earrings, a black tanktop, a blue windbreaker over said tanktop, a silver watch on her right wrist, a gold ring on her right ring finger, tight blue jeans with a black spiked belt, and black heel boots. She stands next to X on the entrance stage. Cuban Wall comes out and stands next to Popick. The rest of the Corporation comes out in their regular wrestling attire, except all of them are wearing SJPC shirts over their ring attire, and they all stand behind the Popicks, Wall, Vitamin X and Princess Stacey. The entire Corporation glares at PRL with dirty looks. COLE All 10 members of the SJPC are on the entrance stage. COACH Yes, finally I’ll stop being bored! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members all continue looking at Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican sneers at them and runs his mouth. Stephen Joseph brings the microphone to his lips. “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Now-- “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” Stephen Joseph glares angrily at the fans. COACH Show some respect for the Champ! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. But the chant still continues. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Now, PRL, you might think that you have things going your way after last week. After you ended the show, not only by subjecting my beautiful precious wife to a pinfall lost at the hands of an INTERVIEWER-- “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” POPICK (CONT’D) But by laying me out with a chairshot right to the skull! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH I know! It was awful! POPICK I had a minor concussion thanks to your chairshot, P.R.! I hope you’re happy about that! PRL nods his head and says, “Eh, a little bit. A little bit.” POPICK But that’s okay. That’s fine with me. Because I too am also looking to the future, Puerto, and a minor concussion is NOTHING COMPARED TO THE PAIN YOU WILL SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK COME MARCH 30TH AT ANGLEMANIA VII! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH You tell ‘im, Popick! STEPHEN JOSEPH I am much looking forward to seeing The People’s Blood ooze out from your forehead! I am much looking forward to seeing The People’s Champion gasp for air while I choke him out with my bare hands! And I am much looking forward to watching you CHOKE ON THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL! The crowd boos. The Corporation members all nod their heads and smile evilly. POPICK You have choked in the past. You choked the last time we were in a match for the Title. What makes you think this time will be any different? Huh? What has changed between January and now to make you so sure? What makes you think that this time will be YOUR time? Huh? What makes you so damn sure? Face it Puerto, you’re lying to yourself. You are getting yourself all worked up over nothing. You are setting yourself up for another fall. On March 30th at AngleMania VII, in front of 100,000 fans in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum and millions watching around the world, you will suffer the most EMBARRASSING loss of your career, whereas I, Stephen Joseph Popick, will achieve my greatest victory and THAT’S the truth, Ruth! The crowd boos again. “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” “ASSSS-HOLE!” Stephen Joseph sneers at the fans. Lindsay tells her husband not to pay attention to the fans’ chant. COLE These fans laying into Popick tonight! COACH Tell these backwards hicks to shut up, Michael! POPICK Now--SHUT UP I’M TALKING! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Yeah! POPICK Now, we are just 3 weeks away from the biggest event of the year. The event where careers and lives are changed forever. The event where boys become men, and men…become legends. And I am SO excited to be competing in my first AngleMania as World Heavyweight Champion! VERY much excited! I’ve got goosebumps. See? See? Popick makes Lindsay, Vitamin X and Princess Stacey feel his arms for goosebumps. POPICK And I am also very excited, because I know that I will not be alone in that match on March 30th. Nope. Because not only will I have my lovely wife, Lindsay by my side as always, but I just found out today that the Special Guest Referee for our match at OAOAST AngleMania VII, Puerto, will be none other than…the Second-In-Command of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, the Prince of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, my BEST FRIEND...VITAMIN X! The crowd boos. Vitamin X “smells the electricity” mocking Tha Puerto Rican. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick laughs maniacally. Princess Stacey smiles evilly. Cuban Wall does a fist pump and says, “YEAH!” The rest of the Corporation smile evilly and nod. COLE WHAT!? COACH What a coup! The X-Man is refereeing the main event of AngleMania VII! COLE How did that happen!? Vitamin X isn’t a referee! COACH He will be on March 30th! HA! HA! HA! POPICK I know that must make you upset, Puerto, and I don’t blame ya. I mean, it’s not like you ever had a shot at beating me for the Title at AngleMania, but now? With The X-Man refereeing, you have…well…NO CHANCE IN HELL OF BEATING ME AT ANGLEMANIA VII! COLE Vitamin X is the Special Guest Referee for the PRL/Popick World Title Match at AngleMania VII! COACH I know! Isn’t it awesome!? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK On Sunday March 30th, you WILL be finished! I will destroy your career once and for all. You see, I have been holding back. I have been hesitant to really use all of my moves, all of my talent on you. I guess, deep down inside, I felt a little sympathy for you. I still remembered our friendship, and because of that, I didn’t really want to *hurt* you. But now? Uh-uh! I will NOT be holding back! You are public enemy #1, P.R.! You are a target and on Sunday March 30th, you will be DESTROYED! You don’t have what it takes to be One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! You don’t have the courage, the guts, the determination, the skills, the drive, the motivation to be One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! It takes a lot of blood, it takes a lot of sweat, and it takes a lot of tears, and frankly, P.R., you can’t cut it. You won’t ever be Champion because you don’t have the heart of a Champion like I do! And I don’t know how much longer I will have to keep reminding you of this. It’s getting pretty tiring I must admit. But you are so damn stubborn aren’t you, Puerto? So damn stubborn. So, I guess I will have to keep reminding you, because P.R., it doesn’t matter how much of The People’s Blood pumps from your body, how much sweat comes from your body, or how many tears you cry, it will all be for nothing, because PRL, you will NEVER be the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion because P.R., you will NEVER…BEAT…ME! The crowd boos. Popick glares angrily at Tha Puerto Rican. COACH That was beautiful! COLE Popick is ready. So is PRL. We are in for one hell of a battle at AngleMania VII! COACH Excellent speech, Popick! Right up there with Winston Churchill and Ronald Regan in terms of great speeches! COLE Let’s not go too far. COACH I will. I will. For him? I will. Tha Puerto Rican glares at Stephen Joseph Popick. Lindsay mouths, “No chance.” While Vitamin X mouths, “Nope. No chance!” Then he does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. COACH He’s doomed at AngleMania! Doomed I tells ya! Tha Puerto Rican waits for this particular “P.R.!” chant to die down. THA PUERTO RICAN Wow. Wow. Stephen. Wow. That was--that was--pretty--pretty--PRETTY MUCH THE SINGLE BIGGEST PILE OF CRAP TO EVER COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Now Tha Puerto Rican says this, yes, you have done it all to Tha Puerto Rican. Yes, Stephen Joseph Popick, you have beaten Tha Puerto Rican’s ass before. Yes, you have left Tha Puerto Rican laying in the middle of the ring. And yes, you have beaten me until I could barely stand. But make no mistake about it, Stephen, just as sure as you stand there surrounded by a badly dancing jackass, and by a bargain basement SLUT, is as sure as Tha Puerto Rican is the #1 Contender and will be going to AngleMania VII to kick your candy ass and become World Heavyweight Champion! More cheering. The Popicks roll their eyes. PRL So, Stephen, JUST BRING IT on March 30th! Because Tha Puerto Rican will give it his all to walk out of the L.A. Coliseum with the OAOAST Title belt in his possession! And when that happens, there won’t be anything--AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS ANYTHING--you, your whore, your BUTT buddy, your midget, your meathead, your dummy, your closeted homosexual, your wussy referee, your OTHER whore, OR your mute jackass can do about it! COACH Who’s the closeted homosexual? Thomas Rodriguez? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK You are SOOOO full of yourself, Puerto. You have as much chance of beating me at AngleMania as your little girlfriend, Maggie, does of beating my Lindsay here tonight! Lindsay nods her head and says, “It’s true. It’s true.” The Popicks chuckle…that is until ANGLESAULT himself appears on the AngleTron in his office. The crowd cheers. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation all look up at the AngleTron in shock while PRL looks at the AngleTron with a serious expression on his face. COLE Hey! It’s AngleSault! It’s the Boss! COACH What’s he want!? ANGLESAULT Hi folks. Hello P.R. (Disgusted): Hello Stephen. (Regular voice): Now, Stephen, I just heard you announce to the world that Vitamin X is the Special Guest Referee in the main event of OAOAST AngleMania VII pitting you against Tha Puerto Rican. Well, that is true. It seems like Popick pulled some strings and used some of his connections in OAOAST Corporate to get the World Heavyweight Title Match at AngleMania VII to go his way. Or at least that‘s what he hopes will happen. Whether or not things go his way remains to be seen. And while there’s nothing I can do about that now, there IS something I can do about tonight’s show. COLE Oh boy. COACH I don’t like this. ANGLESAULT (CONT’D) I have given both Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick the night off to prepare for AngleMania VII. But as we all know, their tag team partners from last week, Maggie Nerdly and Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick respectively, will both be in action competing against each other for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Championship later on on HeldDOWN~!. Well, I have decided to spice up that match *just* a little bit. COLE Uh-oh. ANGLESAULT You see, if Popick can name a Special Guest Referee for a title match, then I, the owner of the company, should be able to name a Special Guest Referee for a title match, right? So, in the interest of fairness, in the match tonight pitting Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick against Maggie Nerdly, the Special Guest Referee for that match will be…THA PUERTO RICAN! COACH NO! COLE Oh yeah! The crowd cheers. Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. The members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation freak out, Lindsay and Stephen Joseph in particular. COACH HE CAN’T DO THAT! COLE Yes he can! He owns the company, Coach! COACH I DON’T CARE! HE STILL CAN’T DO THAT! ANGLESAULT Now, P.R., I assume that you will make sure that this match does not get out of hand? I assume that you will maintain law and order? I assume that you will call the match right down the line even though you have quite a bit of ill will towards Lindsay and her husband and her husband’s cronies--I mean, friends? THA PUERTO RICAN You assume right, Mr. AngleSault! I WILL be a fair and impartial referee! Scout’s Honor! ANGLESAULT Good! Good to hear! Well then I’m off, that’s all that I have to say. Goodbye for now, and fans, enjoy the rest of the show! AngleSault’s image disappears from the AngleTron. The Popicks look at PRL with concern. PRL smiles. The crowd cheers. COACH Oh dear God, no. COLE You heard the man. PRL is the Special Guest Referee for the Women’s Title Match tonight! COACH Aw crap! THA PUERTO RICAN Oh Stephen, are you scared for your wife now? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Let me tell you something P.R.-- THA PUERTO RICAN IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE SCARED FOR YOUR WIFE! Because either way, Maggie Nerdly will whoop Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick’s fat ass just like Tha Puerto Rican will whoop Stephen Joseph Popick’s skinny white ass at AngleMania VII! And just like Maggie Nerdly will walk out of here tonight the NEW OAOAST Women’s Champion, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES, no wait, he promises, no, Tha Puerto Rican promises…the Lightning Bolts…that Tha Puerto Rican, the Latin Lion, the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, The Great One, will walk out of AngleMania VII the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, and THAT, my friend, is the truth, Ruth! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican drops the microphone inside of the ring. Meanwhile, outside of the ring, Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is yelling frantically at her husband, Stephen. The rest of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is pissed off on the entrance stage. COLE What an announcement! Vitamin X is the Special Guest Referee for Tha Puerto Rican/Stephen Joseph Popick World Heavyweight Title Match at AngleMania VII! But tonight, Tha Puerto Rican is the Special Guest Referee in the Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick/Maggie Nerdly Women’s Title Match! COACH This is a conspiracy! AngleSault hates Popick because Popick’s always been better than him, so he is taking it out on his wife! What kind of a man is our boss!? COLE A man who wants the best entertainment for our fans, that’s what! COACH This isn’t entertainment! This is torture! COLE Don’t you have any confidence in Lindsay tonight? COACH I do, it’s just that--well, LOOK WHO THE REFEREE FOR THE MATCH IS! COLE I know who it is, and I, for one, can’t wait for the match-up, Coach! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick defends her OAOAST Women’s Title against Maggie Nerdly, the woman who PINNED her last week! And Tha Puerto Rican is the Special Guest Referee! What a match that should be coming up later tonight! Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN on the Road To Anglemania including words from OAOAST Legend Phoneix after this! COMMERCIAL

We return from break with the sold out arena audience on their feet in anticipation of the mammoth main event that's only seconds away from starting. COLE And we are ready for our main-event, the Torneo Cibernetico III. First time in eighteen months in the OAOAST and the stakes are high, as the one sole survivor tonight will get their choice of match at AngleMania VII. First of all, let's take a look at the batting orders... COLE And what we can take out of that is, a very organised line-up from the Cucaracha Internacional/Enterprise conglomorate. The eight paired off in twos, up until the number 6 spot that is, as Theodore Moneymaker has apparantly used his financial clout to make sure he's in the number 8 spot meaning he's not paired up with Christian Wright. In stark contrast to the 'Kings Of Leon', where Leon Rodez has apparantly opted to mix things up a little, only The Christ Air Express starting the match side by side at spots 4 and 5. COACH Call me bias... COLE ... COACH ...but, I've got a feeling that 'strategy' isn't going to pay off too well. Let's face it, the teamwork advantage has to go with Cucaracha Enterprises. You've got team-mates paired up with team-mates, the two biggest forces in the OAOAST... besides the Corporation, obviously... I can't look past Cucaracha Enterprises tonight. COLE Okay and how about a prediction of who's going to win. COACH I just said, Cucaracha Enterprises. Great name, by the way. COLE No, the one sole survivor, Coach. Who's it gonna be? COACH .....Landondore Moneymaddix? COLE Let's go to Michael Buffer. BUFFER The following contest is the 2008 Torneo Cibernetico match!! The rules for this match are as follows. The two teams have submitted their pre-selected batting orders and will line up around the ring in that batting order. Those assigned number one will start the match and number two will start on the apron. Eliminations can occur via pinfall, submission, count-out or disqualification. You can only tag in and out within your batting order. Legal tags can be made when a wrestler leaves the ring, but only the next person in the batting order can replace him. Anyone who violates the batting order or refuses to enter the ring at his turn will be automatically disqualified! Only one man can win the Torneo Cibernetico match. In the event that more than one member of a team remains once the opposition team have been eliminated, then team members will face each other until there is one decisive winner. "YEOW!" "Money Talks" by AC/DC hits and leads out the first team, the imaginatively titled Cucaracha Enterprises. The two factions head out in batting order meaning a bit of a jumbling of the two, Theodore Moneymaker trailing at the back as he stops to talk up his team and of course his vast wealth. BUFFER Introducing, team number one... CUCARACHA ENTERPRISES!! The team consisting of, the Torneo Cibernetico II winner, JAMES BLONDE... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FAQU... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... "THE VIDEO VOYEUR" SIMON SINGLETON... "THE NATURAL" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT... co-team captain, LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX... "THE URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ... and, co-team captain, "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR" THEODORE MONEYMAKER!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" As the eight assemble around the ring, "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company hits to lead out the opposition. Unlike his opposition captains, Leon Rodez leads the way proudly at #1, with his 'Kings' behind. BUFFER And introducing team number two. They are THE KINGS OF LEON!! The team of team captain, "SILKY SMOOTH" LEON RODEZ... "THE TEXAS TWISTER" JOCK MULLIGAN... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT... MARV and MEL of The Christ Air Express... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE... BARON WINDELS... and "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JAMIE O'HARA!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The second Torneo Cibernetico in HeldDOWN~! history and probably the most star-studded, with all due respect to veterans of Cibernetico II. Sixteen of the top stars in the OAOAST and only one can come away with the honours tonight. The 12 men around the ring all assemble in their 'batting orders', while James Blonde tries to explain to Faqu why he has to stay on the apron. The Samoan eventually seems to get it and we're ready to get underway. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Well, here we go. Take the phones off the hook and put the IMs on 'BRB', this could be a long one. With the crowd and his team lending their vocal support from the get-go, Leon squares up with Blonde and waves him on. After some last minute advice from Landon, Blonde meets him in the centre and moves into a collar and elbow tie-up... NO, he stops short and boots Leon in the gut! Side headlock applied, Blonde laughs it up at the expense of The Silky Smooth One as he wrenches away on the head. Leon goes to the gut with a punch to shut him up though. And a second, before treading on the back of the knee, bringing Blonde down and manoeuvering his way out of the headlock into one of his own. Blonde quickly takes Leon back and shoots him off the ropes, before hurdling him with a leapfrog. Off the other side, Rodez again gets leapfrogged. Getting a little cocky Blonde calls for one more, going up again... and coming down into an Inverted Atomic Drop! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH Ooooooh! COLE That's one trend I don't think Blonde will be setting anytime soon. Hitting the ropes again Leon knocks Blonde down with a shoulder tackle. Looking up in shock Blonde waits for Leon to go again, scrambling to his feet, just in time to get knocked down again! "One more" mocks Rodez, taking a backstep. Blonde again scrambles to his feet. But he gets faked out and is subjected to a second Inverted Atomic Drop! Blonde hobbles around like an old man and gets taken down with by a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! Blonde beats Rodez to his feet and stuns him with a back elbow. His irish whip attempt is reversed though and Blonde gets sent up and over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! As he rolls back up Leon then sets for a dropkick... but The Trendsetter takes a powder and scrambles out of the ring before more harm can come to him! COLE And the reigning Cibernetico champion not faring too well in the early going. COACH That doesn't matter though. This thing isn't going to end in five, ten minutes. You've gotta pace yourself and nobody, nobody knows that better than JB. As Blonde is comforted on the outside by his team-mates, in steps Faqu to take over for him. Leon sizes the big Samoan up, but decides against it and tags in his bigger partner, Jock Mulligan. Beating his chest, Faqu suddenly lets out a cry and charges forward at Jock just as he steps into the ring, the big Texan just about able to sidestep him and send Faqu crashing into the turnbuckles! As Faqu turns around he then finds himself under attack from a barrage of Texan rights, keeping him backed up in the corner until Jock is all out of ammo and fires up the crowd! The moment of taking his eye off of his opponent costs Mulligan however, Faqu coming out of the corner with a big clothesline! COACH There's the danger man Michael. Faqu, he just doesn't care. He'll take it to you all night, three hundred pounds or not, he's got tremendous stamina. Jock pulls himself up and gets caught with a thrust from Faqu. Referee Mike Chioda warns Faqu about going to the throat, albeit from a distance. Following Jock into the neutral corner, Faqu lands a kick before looking for an irish whip. A reversal from Jock sends Faqu corner to corner though and back out, into an impressive BAAAAACK bodydrop!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" With the bigman reeling, into the ropes heads Jock. A clothesline staggers the Samoan but doesn't put him down. A second time, same outcome. Not one to give up lightly Jock tries again, ducking underneath a Faqu clothesline this time and nailing him with a dropkick on the run, putting Faqu out through the ropes and to the floor!! COLE The Texas Twister is tearing it up! In steps Ned to take over from Faqu, so Jock follows suit and brings his team's #3 in as well, Tyler Bryant. COLE Fresh men in and plenty of history between these two and their respective teams, D*LUX and The Beverly Hills Blonds. Blanchard and Tyler square up and exchange some 'pleasantries', before The Handsome Hustler shoves Tyler in the chest. Tyler comes right back with a shove of his own. So Ned SLAPS him! Already fired up coming in, the slap seems to set off the timebomb and Tyler suddenly explodes with a flurry of right hands!! Singleton looks on from the apron in despair as Ned gets backed up in the corner, Tyler pounding away with right after right, the fans behind each and every one of them. Eventually Tyler is made to stop and he wrings out the arm, whipping Ned across the ring. Putting his foot up, Blanchard is able to stop himself in the corner and quickly drops down to all fours to crawl through the legs of the onrushing Tyler. Tyler too stops himself though, jumping up to the middle rope and catching Ned turning around with a missile dropkick as he turns around! Cover... 1... 2... No! COACH Maybe Ned shouldn't have had all those brewskis earlier after all. COLE I don't know about being drunk, but Ned sure looks punch drunk right about now. After a couple more rights Tyler loads Ned into the ropes, ducking his head for a backdrop. Having seen that twice already tonight Ned is ready and puts on the brakes, hooking up Tyler for a Fisherman's Suplex. Ned only gets Tyler up halfway though, before momentum shifts and he finds himself in a small package... 1... 2... No! Swing and a miss from Ned, Tyler underneath and looking for a kick. Ned catches it... *SMACK!* ...only to 'catch' a kick upside the head from the other side! Dazed, The Handsome Hustler staggers around and eventually ends up falling out through the ropes and to the floor. The referee calls the tag and in comes Simon. But before he can get to his partner's aid, Tyler is taking flight, wiping Ned out on the floor with a pescado!! COLE Oh yeah! "Tremendous" Tyler, taking flight! COACH That was uncalled for if you ask me. Ned made a legal tag by rolling to the floor and still Tyler jumps on him, on a guy who's probably got diminished capacity anyway! Simon doesn't have time to mourn for his partner as in comes MARV to oppose him. The two pick up right where they leave off most weeks on Syndicated as Simon brushes off MARV and sends him running the ropes. Drop down by Simon, MARV up and over on the rebound. Singleton tries rushing MARV with a kitchen sink like knee but MARV manages to baseball slide his way underneath it! Back up quickly, MARV leaps up onto Simon's upper thighs and looks for a monkey flip. Singleton shoves him off though and connects with a dropkick right to the jaw! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Now that was picture perfect. A high definition dropkick, if you will! COLE Is The Siclopse high-def compatible? COACH Oh, you bet. Simon Singleton is a man at the forefront of modern technology. High definition, Blue Ray discs, UMDs, you name it, The Video Voyeur has pioneered it in the world of filmography. Taking his time to make sure all the best shots are gonna be there waiting for him ready to edit tommorrow morning, Simon picks MARV back up. With a hook of the head he takes MARV up, looking for a suplex. But MARV is able to float over the back and pulls Simon down with a roll-up... 1... 2... NO! COLE Oh, we almost had the first elimination right there! MARV waits against the ropes for Singleton to charge him, backdropping him up and over the top. With a hold of the rope Simon manages to land safely on the apron though. By the hair he pulls MARV down, then slingshots back in and twists so that he comes down with a body splash... 1... 2... MARV grabs the rope. COLE Smart move right there on MARV's part, no need to waste energy trying to kick out there. Frustrated, Simon kicks MARV out of the ring, which in turn brings MEL in for his team. Simon takes a long look at MEL and smirks as he reaches back, allowing fellow Enterprise member Christian Wright to come in as well. COLE You notice in the early going, nobody wants to stay in for too long. Everyone wants to conserve their energy for later on because you can guarantee they're going to need it. And with seven partners to work through there's no reason not to keep a fresh man in if possible. COACH And that's where the advantage lies. On Leon's team, you've got a bunch of tag teams that maybe team up with each other now and then. Where-as on the other team you've got The Enterprise and you've got Cucaracha Internacional. Maybe not a lot of cohesion between the groups, but a lot of cohesion within them. COLE But remember, it's only going to come down to one man, one winner. Remember at the last Cibernetico it came down to James Blonde and Faqu. It could be the same here... it could come down to Ned versus Simon, MARV versus MEL, who knows? At the end there's only going to be one winner of the Cibernetico. The crowd get behind MEL as he locks up with CW, the money man grabbing a side headlock. Down to the mat he takes MEL and hangs onto the headlock, until he finds himself trapped in a headscissors. Breaking that, Wright comes back up to his feet and takes MEL down with a second side headlock. Again MEL scissors the head and again Wright is forced to break it, climbing back to his feet... and surprising MEL with a knee to the gut! Landon applauds from the apron, as CW presses MEL against the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lays into him with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another one! Wright then pulls MEL off the ropes and sends him for the ride. Stepping into the middle of the ring, CW then sets himself for a Snap Powerslam... but MEL hangs onto the top rope and stops his momentum. Wright quickly unsets himself and he charges... right the way over the top, as MEL lowbridges the top rope!! COLE Look out here, MEL looking to get some air! Running the length of the ring MEL builds up momentum for a dive, only for Theodore Moneymaker to leave his post and drag Wright out of the line of danger! For a moment it looks like things may break down as Leon and Baron head over to complain about Moneymaker's involvement, but outside referee Charles Robinson quickly gets them back to their side of the ring. Back in the ring meanwhile, MEL shrugs it off and gets back to business as he encourages Landon Maddix in to face him. Landon keeps close to his corner though and dismissively waves for MEL to go make a tag. Which, eventually, he does, to bring in Shayne Brave. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COLE Ah. A warm welcome into the match for La Cucaracha. Landon looks out at the crowd angrily and leans back in his corner, telling Cortez to put his hands over his ears to block out the chants. The unresponsive Cortez doesn't though and Landon has to put up with the abuse as he circles out of the ring. He and Shayne lock up and after a brief jockeying for position, a handful of hair helps guide Shayne down onto his back on the mat! COACH Great takedown! 1... 2... Shoulder up from Shayne, the two still locked at collar and elbow. Shayne climbs back to his feet and again they jockey for position. Figuring if it ain't broke don't fix it, Landon goes for the hair again. But this time he gets caught red handed by the referee and quickly lets go before he can get Shayne down, leaving himself open for an armdrag! Back up, Landon gets swept over with another armdrag! And a third, sending Maddix backpedalling and encouraging Shayne to calm down. COLE There's some great takedowns, some fair takedowns. And Landon is forced to slow things down a little. COACH Landon's a former World Champion, he isn't being 'forced' to do anything. Shayne follows the retreating Maddix back into a corner and looks for a right hand... but a boot cuts him off. COACH See, it was all strategy. Spinning Shayne around, Landon then pens him in the corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lands a chop! Down to a knee goes Shayne giving Landon time to shake out his hand... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and hit a second chop! Irish whip out of the corner follows and Landon looks for a charge in the corner, only for Shayne to float up and over him and hit the ropes. Stopping short of the turnbuckles, Maddix turns around and ducks his head as Shayne flies towards him, "Showtime" adjusting and executing a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Swing and a miss with a kick by Landon, Shayne off the ropes again and hitting a crossbody... 1... 2... Kickout! Shayne keeps on moving and Landon is forced to drop down, Shayne going up and over and springing off the middle rope. With a mid-air twist he tries to catch Landon with another body block, but Landon catches him on the way down with a boot. Maddix then sets Shayne up, looking for a suplex. Up and over floats Shayne however, before dropkicking Landon in the back and sending him spilling out through the ropes and to the floor! COLE "Showtime" Shayne able to keep one step ahead of the former World Heavyweight Champion so far... AND LOOK OUT!! With his bearings still all over the place, Landon looks up to see Shayne Brave soaring through the ropes, wiping him out with a TOPÉ!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH Don't these idiots know a tag when they see one!? COLE Well leaving the ring does constitute a tag. And that's one of the greatest tags ever, from Shayne to big Baron Windels. In steps Baron, as does Todd Cortez. The opposing #7s slow things down a little as they size each other up, before locking up, centre of the ring. Baron overpowers Cortez and backs him up into a neutral corner before giving a clean break. Cortez breaks clean as well which doesn't go down great with Theodore Moneymaker on the apron, his 'advice' to Todd earning him a few words from Baron. COLE There's a lot of issues in this match but it's safe to say everyone would love to get their hands on Moneymaker here tonight. Not just because of the saga with Jade Rodez, but lets not forget, it was Moneymaker's Director Of Security CPA who cost The Lone Star Gunslingers the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. The two go to lock up again, but this time Cortez avoids the lock up by kicking Baron in the leg. A couple more kicks to the thigh muscle leave Baron hobbling and he quickly palms Cortez back a step. Cortez keeps coming with the kicks though, so Baron grabs a side headlock. Cortez pushes Windels off into the ropes, getting knocked down by a shoulder tackle on the rebound. Baron then hits the ropes again and Cortez looks for a leapfrog, but he gets caught in mid-air and Powerslammed over to the mat!! COLE Man, what power! 226 pounds, caught with ease! Hook of the leg by Windels... 1... 2... No! Wringing out the arm Baron controls Cortez, but again The Urban Legend fires off a kick to the leg. A second kick finally chops Baron down to size and Todd grabs a headlock of his own. Baron soon powers back to his feet however, lifting Cortez up and looking for a back suplex. Floating over, Cortez lands on his feet behind and looks for a back suplex of his own, which Baron blocks with a hard elbow to the neck. Baron then hits the ropes and looks for a Texas sized lariat, which Cortez is able to counter, ducking the line and hitting an STO to take Windels down! COLE That size difference isn't such a problem when you've got great speed and technique like that. The martial arts background shining through from Todd Cortez. As Baron rolls out of the ring, Jamie O'Hara vaults in and a cheer goes up. The mood is thoroughly spoiled however by Theodore Moneymaker, who demands and recieves a tag. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well we've worked our way through to the clean-up guys. Moneymaker in with Jamie O'Hara, who you'd imagine wants Nathaniel Black one on one at AngleMania should he win the Cibernetico. COACH That's gonna be a lot easier said than done. I'm sure Teddy has some big plans for that AngleMania match too. The Billion Dollar Heir looks down on O'Hara, sneering at his baggy pants and tanktop. "This is the kinda man you cheer for?" he asks aloud, O'Hara encouraging him to stop talking and bring it. So Moneymaker does, burying a knee to the breadbasket and clubbing away with some forearms to the back. An irish whip sends O'Hara in, Moneymaker ducking his head casually and O'Hara running right over him via a leapfrog. Moneymaker stands back up with a confused look on his face, missing with a back elbow. O'Hara then springs to the middle rope, wiping out Teddy with a twisting crossbody... 1... 2... No! COLE 'Mister' Moneymaker's going to have a tough time keeping up with Jamie O'Hara, that's for sure. Trying to catch O'Hara proves tough as Moneymaker lunges for him, J-OH evading his grasp and quickly going to the middle turnbuckle. Teddy charges in and eats a boot to the face. O'Hara then leaps onto his shoulders and pulls Moneymaker over with a Hurricanrana... 1... 2... NO! COLE Could you imagine how embarrased Moneymaker would be if he were the FIRST man eliminated? Especially starting at eight in the batting order. COACH Not gonna happen. Stumbling back up, Moneymaker bumbles into a sweep of the legs. Jamie quickly sets himself and the side and takes off, hitting a Standing Corkscrew Splash! COACH Oh no! 1... COLE You were saying? 2... NO!! Jumping back to his feet again O'Hara turns his attention to the corner, where he sees Leon Rodez next in the batting order and practically begging to be tagged in! Moneymaker grabs a hold of O'Hara's foot though and refuses to let the tag be made. Kicking back, O'Hara tries to shrug Teddy off, which is when James Blonde runs into the ring and clothesline him down from behind! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Well there's the first cheapshot of the match. Hope you had 'pretty quickly' on your sweepstakes at home. By the time the ref gets to reprimanding Blonde, Moneymaker has rolled from the ring and Blonde is now legal in the match. He stomps away on O'Hara before stopping to mock Leon, telling him how close he got to getting his hands on Moneymaker. Dragging Jamie up, Blonde scoops and slams the Brit, coming off the ropes with a double stomp and covering... 1... 2... No! Blonde quickly sits O'Hara up, applying a ground version of the abdominal stretch. COACH I don't see O'Hara doing many flips right about now. Sure, he's real quick, he's hard to catch. But when you catch him, he's just some scrawny kid who's fun to stretch around. COLE And Blonde slowing O'Hara right down here. Second time Blonde has been in tonight as we've gone right through the batting orders already. Shuffling on his BUTT, O'Hara reaches out with a leg trying to get to the bottom rope. Unfortunately, he tries to do this on the Enterprise/Cucaracha Internacional side of the ring and there's six guys on hand to pull the rope back a few extra inches. Referee Chioda gets them to knock it off, but by then Blonde has released the hold anyway and executes a backbreaker on O'Hara. Reaching out, he then tags in Faqu, a groan going up from the fans as they instantly see the size difference increase. COACH Now we're going to have some fun. COLE That's really a matter of opinion. COACH Okay, okay. I'm going to have some fun. Better? With O'Hara writhing on the mat Faqu stalks his prey, slowly picking O'Hara up. A big headbutt knocks O'Hara right back against the ropes, which end up being the only thing holding him upright. Faqu drags O'Hara out and hits another headbutt, this time staggering J-OH into the corner. With O'Hara slumped against the turnbuckles Faqu then walks away to the opposite side of the ring and beats his chest... FAQU SAMOAAAAAAA!!! ...NOBODY HOME!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Faqu misses his charge in the corner and as he staggers out into the middle of the ring, O'Hara tumbles forward and gets the tag to Leon Rodez!! Leon leaps into action, taking it right to Faqu with right hands. Off the ropes, a clothesline doesn't put Faqu down. A second fails to drop him as well. So Leon quickly heads to the top. COLE Looking to take a risk here, anything to put the big Samoan down! Setting himself up top, Leon soars with a crossbody... but Faqu CATCHES him, with ease! Faqu quickly slams Leon and tags in Ned, the next in line. Following suit, Ned now heads up top and comes flying with an elbow drop... but MISSES! Leon manages to roll out of the way and rolls out of the ring, bringing in Jock Mulligan! COLE Momentum is shifting, back and forth here! Jock rushes in and hustles The Handsome Hustler back to his feet. Sent in for the ride, Ned rebounds back into a big Flying Lariat from Jock, who scrambles on top and hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Almost had him! COACH Come on Ned. Think of all the cred this'll give you with the Latinos if you win this. The mamacitas won't be able to kepe their hands off of you! Still looking dis-orientated, Ned is loaded into the ropes again. Singleton is able to reach out and get a blind tag this time though, Jock scooping Ned up for a slam only for Ned to float over the back. A quick thrust kick to the gut from the now legal Video Voyeur doubles Jock over, before Ned hooks Jock up, using a clothesline from Simon to assist his back suplex! COACH There we go, tag team wrestling at it's finest. Simon observes Jock through his handscreen, before he makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling Jock back up, Simon doesn't learn from his mistakes and again takes way too much time looking for a piledriver. Mulligan is able to counter with a backdrop and dives to his corner, getting the tag to Tyler Bryant! Up top, Tyler succeeds where others failed with a crossbody from the top... 1... 2... NO! COLE Man, Tyler is holding nothing back here tonight. He wants this Cibernetico and the match of his choice at AngleMania VII that goes with winning it. COACH Well if he wants it so bad, he better hold something back for later. Otherwise he's gonna have nothing left when it counts. Tyler pulls Simon back up, but The Video Voyeur gets in a rake of the eyes and crawls over to tag in Christian Wright. In rushes The Natural... right into a drop toehold, allowing Tyler to get the tag off to MARV. MARV comes in and wrings out the arm, then just as quickly tags out to brother MEL, allowing them five seconds to set up a double team. Wright gets caught with a double dropkick to the knees, then double basement dropkicks to the face while on said knees. Lifting MARV up onto his shoulders, MEL then launches MARV down with an assisted back senton right across CW's chest! COLE Sent From Above! This could be the first elimination, right here. As MARV rolls out, MEL covers... 1... 2... NO! Another tag is made and Shayne Brave comes in, getting in a punch off the top as MEL holds Wright open. After firing up the crowd, Shayne then runs the ropes... and gets a KNEE in the back from Landon Maddix!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Come on! One of the referees had to see that, surely! COACH Not the way Landon cheats. All the members of Shayne's team complain away to the referees as Landon waves Wright out and Christian quickly slides to the floor, allowing Landon to come in legally and capitalise with a Lungblower! Hooks the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Even after getting away with his cheapshot, Landon has the audacity to accuse the referee of poor officiating as he argues with the count. With Shayne hurt though, Maddix decides not to waste too much time with the ref, going back on the attack. A couple of stomps work over the back, before Landon takes a cheapshot at Baron Windels on the apron. Already feeling agrieved, he and the rest of his team rise to the bait. Which costs Shayne, as while the refs try to calm down The Kings Of Leon, Landon feeds Shayne to the wolves on his side and they lay into him with right hands from the floor! "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" COLE And I don't know who that's being chanted at, the attackers or the referees. This is ridiculous, it's SIX on one right now! It's a mugging! As the referees begin to gain some control, the six men on the floor go back to crouching against the apron as if nothing happened. All except Faqu that is, who has to be calmed down by Blonde. Meanwhile Landon drags Shayne away from the ropes and casually makes the tag to Todd Cortez, the one man who didn't get involved in the attack. COACH Wow, what a gesture. Cortez comes in and scoops Shayne up off the mat. With a hold of the throat, he then takes him up and down with the Urban Assault and stacks him up... 1... 2... 3!!! BUFFER Shayne Brave has been eliminated! ****************** SHAYNE BRAVE (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #6 Eliminated: 1st (overall), 1st (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: Todd Cortez (KOL) 7 - 8 (CE) ********************** COLE Well, after that assault, it was no surprise Shayne was done. COACH You're right. The Urban Assault is a great move, especially when it's set up so perfectly by Landon Maddix. That's why they're such a great team. COLE Boy I wish I got a copy of that Cucaracha Internacional propaganda you seem to read from. Sounds like a laugh. As Shayne is rolled out and checked on by Leon and Tyler specifically, Cortez gets back to business with Baron Windels. Once again he goes after the leg to try and chop the big Texan down, but Baron avoids his single leg trip and grabs a waistlock to lift him up from his hands and knees. Carrying Cortez to a corner, Baron then unloads with right hands on The Urban Legend. Trying to cover up, Todd gets forced down to a knee before Baron yields and pulls him back up, looking for a whip. Cortez manages to reverse and Baron hits the buckles... but he gets a boot up to block a charge from Cortez. To the outside, Windels then climbs to the top and as Cortez stumbles around trying to get his bearings, he turns right around into a TOP ROPE LARIAT, almost hooking his head off of his shoulders!! COLE Wow, the 6'7", 265 Baron taking flight! Cover by Baron... 1... 2... NO! Baron picks Todd back up and slams him. Tag is then made to Jamie O'Hara, who allows Baron to gorilla press him over his head. Positioning himself, Baron then throws Jamie up AND LETS HIM TUMBLE DOWN WITH A 450 SPLASH... ...INTO RAISED KNEES!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH BWAHAHAHAHA!! COLE ...tremendous body control to pull off that 450... but, no reward in the landing. COACH Oh, that was priceless. Roll it back! COLE We're live, pal. COACH I'm not talking to you moron, I'm talking to Si! Sure enough, Simon has the Siclopse right there and gives Coachman an exclusive replay right there. What the Siclopse doesn't pick up is Theodore Moneymaker tagging in and taking over on O'Hara again. He stomps away at the midsection, before changing it up with a kneedrop to the gut. A second knee drives in. And a third. Moneymaker then pauses to flash the "money fingers", tormenting Leon on the apron once again. With that out of the way, he covers... 1... 2... No! Moneymaker drags O'Hara to the corner, tagging out to Blonde. The Trendsetter takes over with a snapmare and right back to his seated abdominal stretch from earlier (for those of you with good memories!), even more painful than before for Jamie. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COLE This crowd want Leon back in, because O'Hara is suffering right now. The better cohesion on the Maddix/Moneymaker side is beginning to tell at the moment. COACH Just as I predicted. COLE Way to go. As Blonde pulls on the hold O'Hara starts to try and fight, so Blonde digs his free elbow into the ribs and grinds it around a little. That extra punishment quietens Jamie down for a few seconds, but he then realises where he is and reaches his foot onto the ropes, no-one there to pull it out of reach this time. Breaking, Blonde picks O'Hara back up and snapmares him over again. This time it's to position him by the turnbuckles, climbing to the middle rope and slapping Faqu on the back before driving the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop into the face of The Birmingham Bad Boy! Blonde then holds O'Hara in place, while Faqu follows up with an almighty legdrop!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH That's it, he's done. Cover by Faqu... 1... 2... NO!! Faqu chases off the referee, dragging O'Hara limply behind him as he does so. O'Hara looks out of it and Faqu intends to make sure of it, as he hauls him to his feet. A simple shove sends O'Hara back against the ropes, bouncing back... *SMACK!* ...into a Thrust Kick... ...but the momentum of the kick sends O'Hara all the way to the floor bringing in Leon Rodez once again!! COLE There went the gameplan and here comes Leon! Apparantly Leon learnt from last time and doesn't even bother with the clotheslines, coming in with a schoolboy roll-up... 1... 2... No! Faqu gets back up and ducks from Leon, who tries to go over top with a sunset flip. Nothing doing though and Faqu sits out... BUT LEON MOVES!! Faqu ends up buttdropping canvas and takes a dropkick to the face while seated, Leon making another quick cover... 1... 2... No! Before Faqu can get up, Leon slides out and waves Jock on in to try his luck. The Texas Twister runs in and uses his full 232 pounds to knock Faqu down with a body press... COLE HighCrossBodyPurpleMonkeyDishwasher! 1... 2... No! Faqu kicks out, sending Jock rolling to the floor. COLE Here comes Tyler now. It's like a wave of men, all trying to knock the big giant down and out! Tyler catches Faqu just as he getting up with a clothesline, SENDING BOTH MEN TUMBLING OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!! COLE WOAH! COACH Did you feel that? The sofa moved, I'm sure it did. With both men to the floor, in step Ned Blanchard and MARV to replace them. The two meet head on, exchanging right hands, an exchange which MARV surprisingly seems to get the better off with rapid fire shots. Faqu and Tyler are seperated on the floor as the action continues, MARV knocking Ned down and hitting him with a Standing Moonsault! 1... 2... Kickout! MARV waits for Ned to get back up, hooking the head and running the ropes for the Acid Drop... ...but Ned gets underneath and throws MARV backwards to counter! MARV lands on his feet and spins Ned around, but gets a knee to the gut and hooked up for the Slingshot Suplex. However, MARV is able to get himself over the ropes rather than landing on them, coming down safely on the apron. With a quick pop of the hips he lifts Ned for a suplex... but Ned also lands safely on the apron! Seeing his partner in danger, Simon quickly runs down the apron and clubs MARV in the back, which sends both he and Ned down to the arena floor. Seeing this, MEL rushes in and looks to chop out Simon's legs. Simon sees it coming though and vaults up, MEL's baseball slide instead hitting Ned in the back, causing him to sandwich MARV against the guardrail!! COLE That wasn't what MEL had in mind! Not sure who got the worst of that. Back inside, Simon grabs MEL and pulls him back in, prompting them to go toe to toe. As they exchange the rights shot for shot, Ned dusts himself off and slides back into the ring, jumping MEL from behind! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Now wait a minute. Ned left the ring, he's tagged out. He should be at the back of the batting order, not in the ring! COACH He's got five seconds to get in and out. COLE But he already got out! Referee Chioda tries to explain that to Ned, as he and Simon put the boots to MEL. But before he can actual get the right Beverly Hills Blond out, MARV suddenly re-appears and lays into them both with right hands! Chioda is left waving his hands helplessly as Ned and Simon manage to get back on MARV and set up stereo whips on The Christ Air Express. Both MARV and MEL pull off baseball slides on the rebound though, sliding through the legs of Ned and Simon before pulling out stereo Dropsaults! *DINGDING!* COACH Huh? COLE Bell has rung here, I'm not sure what the decision is. Ned and Simon both roll out of the ring, with MARV and MEL in hot pursuit. And as the fists continue to fly, referees begin to pile out from the back to try and break things up. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen... the referee has disqualified the teams of The Beverly Hills Blonds AND The Christ Air Express for failing to conform with the Cibernetico batting order. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ****************** NED BLANCHARD (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #3 Eliminated: 2nd (overall), 1st (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: DQ ********************** ****************** SIMON SINGLETON (Cucaracha Enterprises) Team Entry: #4 Eliminated: 3rd (overall), 2nd (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: DQ ********************** ****************** MARV (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #4 Eliminated: 4th (overall), 2nd (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: DQ ********************** ****************** MEL (Kings Of Leon) Team Entry: #5 Eliminated: 5th (overall), 3rd (Team) Eliminations: None Eliminated By: DQ (KOL) 5 - 6 (CE) ********************** The announcement doesn't dampen the fight between The Blonds and The CAE however and they continue to brawl away in the aisle, with confusion reigning around the ring with everybody else. COLE A big call by referee Chioda. We're down to six on five here in the Cibernetico and while we try and retain some order here, we're going to go to a commercial. Stay tuned to HeldDOWN~! for the conclusion of the Torneo Cibernetico III!! *COMMERCIAL BREAK!*

Thanks to intrusive nature of Molly Nerdly and the ubiquitous Siclopse we're brought into Alix Maria Spezia's Beverly Hills based condo. Driven past all the rumors, speculation, and possible mistruths we see the woman herself, and she looks none to happy with the world around. Her chocolate color hair lies in an unkempt shag cut, thrown into disarray by a lack of combing as it hangs in front of her grey eyes. Those eyes stare through her wall length window that overlooks the Los Angeles night skyline. Even as Mackenzie, clad in black pants and a white blouse, approaches from the side, she pry her face away from the glass. MACKENZIE What's wrong? What are you thinking about? ALIX Like, I read in the Times that the Zoo has these two penguins that are apparently totally gay. Like major 100 footers. MACKENZIE 100 footers? ALIX You can tell they're big time fags from 100 feet away! So, like, they're inseparable and stuff. They aren't hyped on the chicks during mating season at all. Though they are crazy stoked on what the girls are rocking during Academy Award season. But, the zoo, or whatever, they wanna separate little Ru and Paul, and send one of em down to San Diego to hook up with a girl penguin. Which, you know, is hella stupid! Its like, gays can't get married, but women in San Diego can have penguins imported just for s-e-x? What a r-i-p! They'd never separate 'em if they were straight pens! They'd just give them a super huge tax break and let 'em kiss on network TV. That really pushes my buttons! Beep-bop-boo-boo-boo-bop-beep! That's the sound of my buttons being pushed! There's lots of buttons, that's why there's so many sound effects. MACKENZIE I'm sure the cast of Happy Feet would be more then willing to team with Sidney Crosby and Mario Lemeiux for a rendition of What's Going On. ALIX Uh-oh, lesbi-o's! Look out Meg Ryan, you're not the only funny fake blond over forty! And go on with the sports references! And I thought I was the butch one. Pretty soon you'll be wearing synthetic plaid, arm pit hair and'll be workin the KD Lang mullet. MACKENZIE (ignoring the predictions for butchness) This view is breathtaking. You can see over the entire city. Its marvelous. ALIX Yeah, I guess. Whatever. I kinda get the feeling that sometimes when I'm getting undressed, Bill Maher is spying on me from his condo. I'm good enough to costar in your spank boy ass fetish fantasies with Debbie Reynolds, but you won't even let me on your panel to discuss some pervo goveneor's Mysapce whore? MACKENZIE Debbie Reynolds? ALIX Don't all guys beat off to Debbie Reynolds? MACKENZIE Maybe if all guys are one half of Los Diablos, sure. Besides penguin suffrage, and uh the masturbatory habits of our trusted news personalities, what's really on your mind? Are you still worried about the car accident? Because don't be. Whatever problems, or lawsuits arise, Mister Moneymaker will squash them. Believe me. He can do that, his family has enough money that they could've bought Jesus off the cross. He know what he's doing when it comes to cash. ALIX Yeah, I kinda hope so, his last name is McPherson after all! MACKENZIE Actually its Moneymaker. ALIX Oh! Wow! That's even better! MACKENZIE Any problem you create for yourself his money can make go away. That's the beauty of this arrangement. And he's happy to do so because you're his little gateway to the entertainment industry. His trojan horse, if you will. You're such a bold little thing, how lucky is he that I dropped you into his lap. Plus, you're going to crush Krista for him. You're the perfect tool for him. He built a stable with seven or eight members, but they kept achieving varying degrees of success and failures. They're up, they're down, they're all over the place from week to week. There's never any consistency with any of them and it drives a perfectionist like him mad. But you, just one woman, you came with the promise of fulfilling his every hope and dream. He can drive you straight to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But, I guess I have to be honest now. There's a certain fear, that you won't be able to do that. That the gold at the end of your rainbow is fools gold. I guess you could say there's a strong fear from the other members of The Enterprise. Not me of course. Alix eyes trail the movements of various cars driving down Sunset, but her mouth frowns sharply at Mackenzie insinuations. MACKENZIE And I its just jealously, because they're where they are, and you're where you are. But, they buy into these reports and blown out of proportion news stories and think your lifestyle is getting in the way of what needs to be done. They think you should be challenging Krista more aggressively. Forget verbal confrontation, you should be striking her in her heart. Getting at her eldest daughter. Jade. But they say you're not qualified to do the job. They think Mister Moneymaker is counting chickens that won't ever hatch. I have faith in you, but...if you fail, its my job. Because they'll have been right, and I'll have been wrong. Never mind, Mister Moneymaker put just as much trust in you as I have, I'm the one who gave you to him. I'll have been responsible, and I'm all out of tricks to keep my job. I need a result. Beauty Crush is one, and its great, but I need Krista's head. Understand? ALIX (speaking with unusual coldness) What are you so worried about? Don't you get it? I'm way more powerful then Moneymaker. We don't need him anymore. I never needed him! Together you and I...we can be on our own. We can, you know, make things the way we want them to be. MACKENZIE Alix, you're tired. You're talking...you're not making sense. Lie down, baby. Its not that simple. That's not what I meant. ALIX Marry me. Mackenzie is taken aback by both the suddenness of the proposal and the chilling tone it was delivered with. MACKENZIE What? Mackenzie tries to see Alix's face in the flesh as opposed to as a ghostly reflection floating on the glass, but Alix refuses to pull herself away from the window. ALIX Yeah, really, marry me. MACKENZIE Alix, again, its not that simple. Again Alix has no inclination to even look Mackenzie in the eye, almost as if she were talking to herself. ALIX Could you ever kiss another girl like you kiss me? MACKENZIE No, but... ALIX Then it is that simple, Mackie. Marry me, because I can't love anyone the way I love you. Okay? I just can't and I don't wanna think about having to. Ya know, I just want things to be like they used to be, alright? I want someone who I know even if we're gonna fight and we're gonna argue, is gonna always love me. I just...I want someone who I can love always and forever. Please. Krista turned against me, don't you turn against me to. MACKENZIE Alix...you're being...you're acting paranoid. ALIX (facing Mackenzie with worried eyes) Don't break my heart, don't stop loving me. MACKENZIE I won't, baby. I promise you I won't. ALIX Then marry me! Okay? Just marry me! Please. MACKENZIE I'll marry you. Yes, god, of course I'll marry you! Of course! Alix seems to smile, but its faint one, displayed only by her reflection as her head returns back to the warm glass. ALIX Let's do it tonight. Let's roll up on wherever and do it tonight. MACKENZIE Tonight? Well, you just can't do it like that. How are people supposed to know about it? ALIX Like, I just figured they'd open the door, and like the top 40 rap hits of the early 90's, whoomp there it is! MACKENZIE Oh, you...unusual girl. Alix, get some sleep now, we can talk all about this in the morning. Okay. Mackenzie's hand brushes across Alix's shoulder in solemn comfort. Its not the warm embrace or showering of kisses you'd expect from a marriage proposal buts its enough to sit the previously on edge Alix at ease and she grins while peering out at the Hollywood night. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT Torneo Cibernetico Kings Of Leon Vs Cucuracha Enterprises NEXT

“Monster” by Meg & Dia brings the crowd to its collective feet. Green and gold lights flash on the entrance stage, while pillars of smoke spring forth from around the chaotic illumination. The entrance doors slide open, and Maggie Nerdly skips out from the back onto the entrance stage. She flashes the famous Nerdly RAWK~! devil horns for the adoring crowd to see. Wearing a black 30 Seconds To Mars T-shirt, a ruffled black miniskirt, black buckled shoes and knee high fluffy white socks, Maggie is as peppy and as preppy as she usually is, and is ready to go. COLE Would you listen to this ovation!? COACH All this for an INTERVIEWER!? Truly the OAOAST fans have no taste. Maggie Nerdly points to the fans all around the arena. She then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping the fans’ hands with her right hand and holding onto her bouquet of flowers with her left hand. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Championship. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. The challenger. From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. MAGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NERRRRDDDDDLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! The crowd cheers as Maggie continues her walk to the ring. COLE Well, it is safe to say that this is the biggest match in Maggie Nerdly’s short wrestling career! A chance to become Women’s Champion for the first time ever here tonight in Lafayetteville, Louisanna! COACH Uh-huh. Like that will ever happen. Maggie is in way, way, way, way, way, WAY over her head here! She’s fighting Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick! The UNDISPUTED OAOAST Women’s Champion for 11 months running now! COLE 11 months with only TWO Title defenses to her credit, Coach. COACH Eh, doesn’t matter! The point is Lindsay is the only female that has held the Women’s Title since April of last year, and I don’t see that stopping anytime soon, even if Tha Puerto Rican is the Special Guest Referee tonight! COLE Well, we are about to find out just shortly, Coach! What a match this should be! Maggie Nerdly quickly slides into the ring. Maggie stands in the center of the ring and points her bouquet of flowers to a turnbuckle corner. A tower of green pyro explodes from the top of the ring post. Maggie points her bouquet of flowers to another turnbuckle corner. A tower of green pyro explodes from the top of the ring post. Maggie points her bouquet of flowers to a third turnbuckle corner. A tower of green pyro explodes from the top of the ring post. Maggie points her bouquet of flowers to the fourth turnbuckle corner. A tower of green pyro explodes from the top of the ring post. She smiles as the crowd cheers. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick named Vitamin X the Special Guest Referee for Tha Puerto Rican/Popick match at AngleMania VII, so AngleSault decided to name PRL the Special Guest Referee for the Lindsay/Maggie match tonight! COACH Abuse of power! COLE Coach, he’s the owner. He can do what he wants! Anyway, this is a rematch from an edition of OAOAST Syndicated back in February. Lindsay won *that* match thanks to some help from her husband. COACH What a loving, caring husband Stephen Joseph is! COLE Uh-huh. Maggie has been wanting some payback since then, and well, she might get it tonight! COACH Don’t get premature with that now. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Michael! “Monster” by Meg & Dia dies down. Maggie stands in the ring and looks at the entrance. She tosses her bouquet of flowers behind her back and into the audience. A male fan wearing a Zack Malibu T-shirt and a backwards red baseball cap on his head grabs the bouquet. COLE That lucky fan is going to get married someday! COACH ‘Someday’ being ‘never‘. COLE Oh, will you stop!? Maggie looks to the entrance. She removes her white bridal veil. COLE Maggie Nerdly will have to go up against the Queen of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation coming up in a few moments! "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd stands up and boos as the lights go down inside the arena. The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Then, the cresendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro hits over the entrance stage. Afterwards, “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing over the P.A. system. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* Pink spotlights converge around the arena. The entrance doors slide open, and out through the smoke come Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, flanked by her husband, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Vitamin X. The crowd boos loudly, although there are small cheers for Lindsay’s hotness. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick has the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt around her waist, which she unstraps so that she can raise the belt over her head with a cocky smirk on her face. The crowd boos louder than before. Stephen Joseph points to his wife and says, “YEAH!” While Vitamin X applauds her. COLE And there she is. The Women’s Champion! COACH The most beautiful, sexiest, smartest, talented, BODACIOUS Women’s Champion that there ever was and that there ever will be! COLE Bodacious? Wearing her usual ring attire of a pink Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation T-shirt tied up with a small Canadian flag stitched onto the back of the shirt, black elbow pads, pink taped wrists, pink short shorts, pink knee pads, black wrestling boots, and a gold chain around her neck, along with sunglasses and hoop earrings, Lindsay looks super confident going into this match-up. Stephen Joseph holds the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder and taunts Maggie. Lindsay kisses her husband on the lips, nods at Vitamin X who nods back, and then looks at Maggie with a smirk on her face. Lindsay slings the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder, and then makes her way down to the ring with her left hand on her left hip and an evil smile on her gorgeous face as strobe lights appear over, under and around the AngleTron. BUFFER And her opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by Vitamin X and her husband, the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion Stephen Joseph Popick. From San Juan, Puerto Rico by way of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Weighing in at 120 lbs. She is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Champion…MRS. LINDSAYYYY GONZALLLEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZ-POPIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Lindsay, Stephen Joseph, and Vitamin X continue their walk to the ring. Lindsay laughs at all of the women in the audience. COACH Look at that. Vitamin X AND Popick accompanying Lindsay to the ring! As though Maggie ever had a chance to begin with, but now? She really does have No Chance In Hell! COLE Lindsay being accompanied to the ring by her husband and the man who will referee her husband’s match against her EX-fiancée at AngleMania VII on March 30th! There’s something you don’t get to say everyday! COACH Heh, no kidding! Stephen Joseph makes sure that no one touches his wife, and then leads her to the ring. Stephen Joseph climbs up the ring steps, followed by Vitamin X, and then Lindsay. Both Stephen Joseph and VX hold the ropes for Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick to enter the ring. Lindsay slowly and seductively enters the ring, giving Stephen Joseph a great view of her fine ass. Popick nods his head and then looks to the crowd to say, “Oh yeah! She’s mine! Not yours! HA! HA! HA! WOO!” He and Vitamin X then enter the ring. Lindsay parades around the ring raising the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head with a cocky smirk on her face. The crowd boos as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. COLE Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick defeated Ashley Street at OAOAST AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone on April 1, 2007 to win her first OAOAST Women’s Championship. She has held onto that belt since then, having only TWO Title defenses in that time. The first one against Megan Skye on the August 23, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~! which she won through nefarious means, and then the second one against Maggie Nerdly on an edition of OAOAST Syndicated back in February of this year which she also won through nefarious means. But with Tha Puerto Rican as the referee for this match-up, somehow I doubt that Lindsay will be able to win this match through nefarious means! COACH For once, I am going to have to agree with you, Cole. COLE Huh? COACH Yeah, she is going to have to rely on her wrestling talent! Something Maggie Nerdly doesn’t have AT ALL! COLE I seem to recall Maggie pinning Lindsay last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH Thanks to Tha Puerto Rican! But that won’t happen toni--, oh crap. DAMNIT! Lindsay raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head in the center of the ring. She then places the belt in front of her on the mat. Stephen Joseph Popick stands to her right, while Vitamin X stands to her left. Lindsay looks at Vitamin X, and then looks at her husband, and together, the three of them do The Corporate Salute to LOUD boos from the fans. Confetti drops from the rafters, as does a giant Puerto Rican flag. Lindsay smiles a wide evil smile while her husband chuckles. COACH What an entrance! Truly, Stephen Joseph and Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick are the Golden Couple of the OAOAST! Really, Lindsay and Stephen Joseph are meant for each other! COLE For once, I am going to have to agree with you, Coach. COACH Huh? COLE Yeah. Both Lindsay and Stephen Joseph are egotistical, self-centered, self-serving, lying, cheating, arrogant, classless people! COACH Hey! How rude! Lindsay grabs the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt and raises it over her head again. She taunts the fans. As she does this, Stephen Joseph Popick taunts Maggie Nerdly. COLE Oh yeah. Be a real big man. Taunt an 18-year-old girl like Maggie! Some Champion we got! COACH If the 18-year-old girl wants to wrestle with the big girls, then she is going to get treated like a big girl. The lights go back on in the arena. A graphic letting us know that this is for the OAOAST Women’s Championship appears on screen. Lindsay bobs her head to “No Chance In Hell” while Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle to it. Lindsay shows off the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt to Maggie and smiles. COLE Maggie has been screwed out of the Women’s Title before! She’s hoping that history won’t repeat itself tonight! But with Stephen Joseph AND Vitamin X at ringside, will history really repeat itself? COACH Oh yeah. No doubt about it! Stephen Joseph Popick continues taunting Maggie, driving her to a turnbuckle corner. Lindsay laughs evilly as she raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head once more. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd buzzes in anticipation for Tha Puerto Rican’s entrance. COLE There’s only one entrance left. COACH Are you kidding me? He’s the referee for this match! He doesn’t deserve his own separate entrance! COLE The Lightning Bolts want it! COACH Ugh. Lindsay, Stephen Joseph, and Vitamin X look to the entrance, as does Maggie Nerdly. She has removed her white satin bridal gloves. Lindsay removes her sunglasses and hoop earrings and hands them over to a ringside attendant. COACH Look at how confident Lindsay is! COLE She should be confident! She’s got her husband and Vitamin X with her! COACH But it’ll be her TALENT that beats Maggie! Not her backup! COLE We’ll see about that. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke and power walks to the ring, not stopping at all, keeping his eyes focused on the ring. PRL is wearing a sleeveless referee shirt, along with his Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, his Puerto Rican flag wristbands, black sweatpants with two white vertical stripes down the legs, and his red wrestling boots with the Puerto Rican flag airbrushed over them. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Special Guest Referee for this match. One-half of The Badd Boyz, THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE Lindsay may not be as confident now! COACH Uh-oh. This isn’t good. This is not good at all, Michael! COLE Not for Lindsay, at least. Tha Puerto Rican glares angrily at the Popicks and Vitamin X inside of the ring. COACH At least he is wearing the stripes, even if he’s modified the shirt. COLE Tha Puerto Rican said that he would be an impartial referee-- COACH Oh that’s a bunch of BULL and you know it! COLE Well, that’s what he said. COACH Since when has Tha Puerto Rican’s word meant anything? COLE Since November of last year? COACH Oh come on! Really, Michael? COME ON! Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap the fans’ hands before power walking around the ringside area. PRL climbs up the ring steps and then looks at the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. PRL orders for Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X to leave the ring immediately. COACH He can’t do that! COLE Uh, Coach, Lindsay and Maggie are fighting, not Popick and X. COACH Can’t they atleast stay in the ring for moral support? COLE …No. Stephen Joseph argues that he should stay in the ring, while Vitamin X complains about being kicked out. COLE The three men who are to be involved in the main event at AngleMania VII are here! The Champion, Stephen Joseph Popick, the challenger, Tha Puerto Rican, the Special Guest Referee, Vitamin X! And right now, the Special Guest Referee for this match, Tha Puerto Rican, is forcing Stephen Joseph and Vitamin X to leave the ring! COACH How unfair! As Lindsay and Maggie look on, PRL yells at Stephen Joseph and VX to leave, but they refuse to do so. After more threats of bodily harm, Vitamin X backs off. He then leaves the ring. Stephen Joseph gives his wife some last minute advice before kissing her on the lips and then leaving the ring, glaring angrily at Tha Puerto Rican while doing so. The lights go back on in the arena as Lindsay waves goodbye to her husband. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is wielding his power in the early going. COACH Not even 2 minutes as a referee, and he already is corrupt with power! Stephen Joseph and Vitamin X wish Lindsay luck. They stay at ringside to watch the match. “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. Lindsay kisses the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt and then hands the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over to Stephen Joseph. The male Popick slings the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over his left shoulder, and slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. COLE Lindsay and Stephen Joseph currently hold the top gold in the OAOAST. Will that change a little bit after tonight? Tha Puerto Rican calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH MRS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK (Champion with Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X) vs. MAGGIE NERDLY (Challenger) SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: THA PUERTO RICAN The crowd is hot. Stephen Joseph gives Lindsay more advice on the outside. Lindsay blows her husband a kiss, smiles, and then waves at him. Lindsay turns around… RIGHT INTO A SPEAR~! FROM MAGGIE! COACH OH NO! COLE And here we go! Maggie gets on top of Lindsay and starts pounding her face while Tha Puerto Rican looks on and the crowd cheers! COLE Maggie Nerdly, the #1 Contender to the Women’s Title, wailing away on the Women’s Champion right now! The Women’s Title is on the line here! COACH Stop it! Stop it! You’ll ruin her beautiful face! Oh my gosh! Maggie picks Lindsay up by her head and then shoves her into a turnbuckle corner. Maggie then starts hitting Lindsay with forearms to the face, Lindsay screaming after being hit with each forearm! COLE Maggie Nerdly doesn’t even have HALF the experience that Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick does, but SHE is the one in control as the match begins! COACH PRL, do something! COLE Maggie is following the rules thus far! COACH PRL is in love with Maggie! That’s why he is letting her cheat like this! COLE Oh, will you stop? Maggie grabs Lindsay by her jet black hair with pink highlights and throws her onto the mat in a classic hairpull takeover! The crowd cheers! Lindsay holds her back in pain on the mat. COACH What the hell? Come on Lindsay! Show Maggie WHY you’ve been Women’s Champion for the past 11 months! Don’t let that interviewer show you up! Maggie motions for Lindsay to “COME ON!” Lindsay slowly gets up and heads to a turnbuckle corner. She rests there…but not for long as Maggie charges forward…right into a right boot from Lindsay! COACH Yeah! COLE Nice move by Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick! Maggie holds her jaw in pain. Lindsay stands tall, and then charges forward…right into a hiptoss from Maggie Nerdly! COACH Aw damn! COLE Nice hiptoss! Lots of elevation there! COACH Get up! Get up! Get up! Maggie motions for Lindsay to get up. When she does, Maggie charges forward, leaps onto Lindsay’s shoulders, and then gives her a Frankensteiner! COLE Whoa! Frankensteiner from Maggie Nerdly! COACH What the hell is going on here!? I mean, really! Maggie is outwrestling you, Lindsay! Wake up! Maggie covers Lindsay, hooking her right leg. PR makes the count. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE And Lindsay kicks out! COACH Fair count there. COLE That’s right. That was a fair count from Tha Puerto Rican. COACH Good. Let’s see if he keeps it that way! Vitamin X jumps onto the ring apron. Tha Puerto Rican lunges at him! Vitamin X immediately jumps off of the ring apron. Meanwhile, as this is going on, Stephen Joseph Popick grabs Maggie Nerdly by her ankles and trips her onto the mat! COLE And look at this! Stephen Joseph tripping Maggie Nerdly from the outside! COACH And Lindsay, that’s the ONLY reason Stephen would EVER want to touch Maggie Nerdly’s body! Trust me on that! So don’t you worry your pretty little head about that! Lindsay is crawling on the mat, holding her back in pain. The crowd boos Stephen Joseph for tripping Maggie, who remains flat on the mat. Tha Puerto Rican is still staring at Vitamin X, so he has no idea what just went down. PRL turns his attention back to the ring, notices Lindsay and Maggie both on the mat, but doesn’t think anything of it. COLE Stephen Joseph coming to the aid of his wife right there. COACH As any good husband would! I don’t see the problem with that! All of a sudden, Stephen Joseph is knocked down! BY THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS! COACH Hey! MARV and MEL stomp on the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion to the crowd’s delight! MARV then punches Popick in the back of his head while MEL continues stomping on him! COLE There’s The Christ Air Express! MARV and MEL! COACH What are they doing here!? COLE Coming to the aid of their sister, Coach! COACH PRL, eject them! They don’t belong out here! The Christ Air Express go back to stomping on Stephen Joseph, that is until Vitamin X arrives and shoves MARV off of Popick! Both members of The Christ Air Express back off of Popick, but yell at Vitamin X as they walk backwards. Stephen Joseph lies on the protective mats in pain. COACH Yeah, X-Man! Save your boss! Save him! COLE Vitamin X, the Second-In-Command of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, coming to the aid of his boss! COACH Get those punks out of there! Stephen Joseph recovers and gets up. He and Vitamin X get into a shouting match with The Christ Air Express. COLE The Christ Air Express assaulting Popick, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH Only because Popick wasn’t looking! If this were an actual match, The Christ Air Express would be demolished in 3 seconds flat! COLE In any case, I think we now have a level playing field! Two men for Lindsay, and two men for Maggie! COACH Correction: Two MEN for Lindsay, and two BOYS for Maggie! Tha Puerto Rican switches between looking at the outside and looking in the ring, where both Lindsay and Maggie are still on the mat. Vitamin X asks Popick if he’s okay. Popick nods his head, and then holds it. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick uses a turnbuckle to pull herself up to her feet. “MAG-GEE!” “MAG-GEE!” “MAG-GEE!” “MAG-GEE!” Maggie gets up and charges forward. Lindsay moves out of the way, and Maggie hits the turnbuckle sternum first! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick shoves Maggie Nerdly into the turnbuckle and starts stomping a mudhole in her. COACH Come on Lindsay! Stomp that mudhole in her! Lindsay stomps a mudhole in Maggie and walks it dry! She then picks Maggie up and sets her body up against the turnbuckle so that she can nail Maggie with some forearms to the face! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Stephen Joseph Popick tripping Maggie Nerdly from the outside. COLE That’s why The Christ Air Express came out. COACH They shouldn’t be out here, and the only reason that PRL hasn’t ejected them is because he WANTS Maggie to win! COLE Whether or not he actually wants Maggie to win or Lindsay to lose the Title is up for debate. COACH He lusts after Maggie. Look at his eyes. He’s practically undressing her with them! COLE You undress her with your eyes everytime you see her! COACH Yeah, but that’s different! At least, I have a shot with her! COLE HA! Don’t make me laugh! COACH Shut up, Michael Cole! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick grabs Maggie and whips her into the opposite turnbuckle while The Christ Air Express and Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X look on. Maggie hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD! Lindsay smiles evilly and then charges forward, giving Maggie Nerdly a monkey flip! COLE Wow! A monkey flip! Impressive move from the OAOAST Women’s Champion! COACH Shut up. That was beautiful! Lindsay still has an evil smile on her face as gets up and then picks Maggie up. Gonzalez-Popick whips Nerdly into the ropes--Maggie reverses--Lindsay bounces off of the ropes, Maggie goes for a clothesline, Lindsay ducks, CRESCENT KICK~! COACH WHOA! BEAUTIFUL! COLE Crescent Kick! Crescent Kick from Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick! COACH She got Maggie right in the jaw! COLE I bet PRL taught her that move! COACH But Lindsay made it better! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick covers Maggie Nerdly, hooking her left leg…but Tha Puerto Rican won’t count. The crowd cheers loudly. COACH What the? Come on! Count! COUNT DAMNIT! COLE Tha Puerto Rican will not make the count! COACH What is he waiting for!? PRL applauds Lindsay. He tells her how impressed he was with her Crescent Kick, telling her, “I’ve taught you well.” Lindsay is not in the mood for compliments, yelling at her ex to make the count and give her the win. Stephen Joseph and Vitamin X are telling PRL likewise. COACH Thanks for the compliments P.R., but MAKE THE DAMN COUNT! COLE Tha Puerto Rican REFUSES to make the count! COACH That no good crooked referee! He should be barred from refereeing any more matches in the OAOAST! Tha Puerto Rican has a cocky smirk on his face as he looks down at his ex-fiancée. Lindsay stops covering Maggie and gets up. Lindsay starts yelling in Spanish. COACH Tell him off, Lindsay! COLE The OAOAST Women’s Champion having some words with the referee here! COACH Speak your mind, girl! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick gets in Tha Puerto Rican’s face, yelling at him for not making the count. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation for what PRL will do next. Vitamin X and Stephen Joseph yell at PR from the outside, while The Christ Air Express just look on. COLE Lindsay not happy with PRL not making the count. COACH OF COURSE SHE’S NOT! That was BLATANT favoritism right there! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick runs her mouth, calling PRL every name that she can think of. P.R. responds with one simple hand gesture. COLE Talk to the hand cuz the face ain’t gonna listen, Lindsay! COACH Oh real lame, Puerto. Mr. Cool, my ass! PRL tells Lindsay to get back to the match and stop paying attention to him. Lindsay shouts out, “FINE!” and then leaves in a huff. Gonzalez-Popick sees Maggie on her knees. *SLAP!* So she SLAPS Maggie Nerdly across her face! COLE Oh my! What a SLAP from Lindsay! COACH You heard that back in Canada! Stephen Joseph and Vitamin X applaud. Lindsay smiles evilly and taunts Maggie Nerdly, who is now on the mat. Maggie gets back to her knees. *SLAP!* Lindsay SLAPS Maggie across her face again! MRS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK COME ON BRUTA! COACH OOH! I like it! They’re fighting rough now! SPANK HER! SPANK HER! COLE Pipe down, Coach! Tha Puerto Rican looks on. The crowd boos. Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X applaud Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick while The Christ Air Express look on concerned. COLE The OAOAST Women’s Champion is in control now! COACH Where she will be for the rest of this match unless PRL decides to act up again! Maggie Nerdly is back on the mat, and Lindsay makes sure she stays there by stomping her stomach. Lindsay then covers Maggie. PRL just stands there and watches. The crowd cheers. COACH Oh come on! Tha Puerto Rican just stands there, arms folded, watching Lindsay with a smile on his face. Lindsay looks up at PRL with a shocked expression on her face. LINDSAY WHAT THE FUCK!? PRL tells Lindsay to continue fighting. Lindsay curses Puerto in Spanish. PRL just laughs it off. COACH This is ridiculous! COLE Only PRL has the power to decide who wins and who loses this match! COACH What was AngleSault smoking when he thought of that one? COLE Careful, Coach, he might be watching. COACH Oh… I LOVE ANGLESAULT! No homo. Lindsay gets up and goes back to stomping on Maggie’s stomach. Maggie turns around, looking directly at her brother MARV, who is offering all the support that he can. Lindsay stomps Maggie’s back again and again and again. Lindsay picks Maggie up by her long blonde hair, and then grabs Maggie by her left hand and then gives her an Irish whip into the ropes. Maggie bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, Lindsay grabs her for a sidewalk slam, Maggie wraps her legs around Lindsay’s head and gives her a flying headscissors! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH That was Lindsay’s move! COLE And it looks like Maggie is making the comeback! COACH SHE STOLE LINDSAY’S LINDSAY-CURANA! COLE Maggie with the counter! COACH GET UP LINDSAY! The crowd cheers. The Christ Air Express cheer. Vitamin X is shocked. Lindsay lies on the mat while Maggie Nerdly gets back up to her feet. Tha Puerto Rican looks on as Maggie motions for Lindsay to get up. When she does, Maggie nails Lindsay with a forearm shot to the face! Maggie then grabs Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick by her left hand and then whips her into the opposite ropes--NO--Lindsay reverses, Maggie charges forward, bounces off of the ropes, and then charges forward again, ducking Lindsay’s clothesline to charge forward, bounce off of the ropes again, and charge forward once more, knocking down the OAOAST Women’s Champion with a flying clothesline! COACH AAH! COLE And MAGGIE brings the OAOAST Women’s Champion down onto the mat! COACH GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! COLE And the OAOAST Women’s Champion is in trouble here! Maggie slowly gets back to a vertical base. When she does, she picks Lindsay up by her hair, grabs Lindsay by her right hand and then whips her into the ropes again. Maggie bounces off of the ropes, charges forward and fires with a flying back elbow right into Lindsay’s face! COACH WATCH HER FACE, MAGGIE! WATCH IT! Maggie goes for the cover, hooking Lindsay‘s left leg. Tha Puerto Rican counts. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!! COACH Oh I see. NOW he counts! Such biasness from our ‘Special’ Referee! Yeah, he’s special all right! COLE Stop. The crowd groans, thinking that was the finish. Maggie slaps the mat in frustration. Her brothers tell her to keep her cool and to continue on. Lindsay slowly starts to get up. When she does, Maggie Nerdly grabs her and applies a front facelock on the Women’s Champ. Maggie puts Lindsay’s left arm over her head, grabs Lindsay’s pink short shorts, and delivers a snap suplex on her. Maggie then looks to the crowd and smiles. COLE Uh-oh, this might be the finish! The finish right here! COACH Oh no! Oh God no! Maggie goes and picks up Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick by her hair. She grabs Lindsay’s right arm, and applies a hammerlock on it--Vitamin X appears on the ring apron! This gets Maggie’s attention. However, that doesn’t last long as both members of The Christ Air Express run on over to where Vitamin X is standing. MARV grabs X by the seat of his pants and pulls him off of the ring apron! He then starts beating him all over his body! MEL joins his brother in beating up Vitamin X! COLE And now The Christ Air Express are giving it to Vitamin X! COACH OH CRAP! X-MAN! Stephen Joseph Popick quickly runs over and fights off The Christ Air Express! Popick grabs MEL and starts punching him in the face, while MARV is pounding on Vitamin X near a barricade! COLE Popick, Vitamin X, MARV, MEL fighting it out on the outside, and we’ve still got a match going on in the inside! COACH Everything’s going crazy here! MEL and Popick trade blows. MARV beats on Vitamin X and then grabs him by his left hand. He gives him a whip--NO!--Vitamin X reverses, and MARV hits the ring steps right shoulder first HARD! COACH Yeah! COLE Vitamin X taking control of MARV right there! COACH All right X-Man! As this is going on, MEL is kicking Stephen Joseph Popick repeatedly in the stomach. COLE And MEL taking it to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! MEL gets Popick good and dazed. He then takes a few steps back, and then charges forward. Stephen Joseph Popick grabs MEL and lifts him up, slamming him face-first onto the top of the barricade! COACH All right Popick! Way to go! Way to treat those ham n’ eggers! COLE MARV and MEL are down and out! COACH Good. Now we can concentrate on this match again! Vitamin X grabs the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt off of the timekeeper’s table. He runs with the belt onto the ring apron, telling Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick to grab the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt. Lindsay is a little dazed, so she doesn’t immediately grab the belt when X tells her to. COLE Vitamin X trying to give Lindsay the Title belt! COACH No! He is reminding Lindsay what this match is all about! It’s this important! It’s for this Title! Lindsay goes to grab the belt…but is cut short by Tha Puerto Rican! PRL asks X what is he doing up there, and X says the same thing that Coach just said. PRL, of course, doesn’t buy it at all, and grabs Vitamin X by his shirt and throws him over the top ring rope and onto the mat! COACH Wait a minute! Wait a minute! He was just trying to explain to Lindsay how important this match is! COLE Oh come on, Coach! You and I both know that that’s not true one bit! PRL waits for Vitamin X to get up, and then proceeds to lay the smackdown on Vitamin X in a turnbuckle corner, nailing him with Rock-style punches to the temple! COLE PRL throwing Vitamin X into the ring and is now laying the smackdown on him! Left, left, left, left, left, NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Left! COACH This is not right! Vitamin X falls onto the mat! Just then, Stephen Joseph Popick enters the ring and attacks PRL from behind! COACH Yes! COLE And Stephen Joseph Popick almost beheaded Tha Puerto Rican from behind! Stephen Joseph Popick punches Tha Puerto Rican several times, getting his opponent at AngleMania VII dazed and confused. COACH A preview of AngleMania VII right here! The crowd boos loudly. Popick continues punching PRL, weakening The Latin Lion! Popick then kicks Tha Puerto Rican in the stomach, places him in a front facelock, and then places PR’s right arm over his head. COLE Popick might be going for the FallenAngel here! COACH Yeah, finish him! Finish him before AngleMania, Popick! BUT THA PUERTO RICAN ESCAPES AND THROWS POPICK RIGHT INTO VITAMIN X CRUSHING X ON THE TURNBUCKLE! COACH Oh no! X! Popick! PRL waits for Stephen Joseph to get near him. Popick turns around, stunned. LATIN SLAM~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE Latin Slam! Latin Slam on Stephen Joseph Popick 3 weeks before AngleMania VII! COACH Oh damnit! Why!? Why!? Why!? PRL gets right back up and taunts the knocked out Stephen Joseph. He then taunts the stunned Vitamin X who is kneeling down on the turnbuckle corner. As he does this, Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick covers Maggie Nerdly. PRL sees this, and then exits the ring. COLE Lindsay has Maggie covered! Where the hell is he going? COACH I don’t know, but he is acting up again! Gee, I wonder why? PRL grabs a microphone from the timekeeper’s table. He then walks around the ringside area so that he can climb up the ring steps to enter the ring. PRL then gets down on his hands and knees. LINDSAY Make the count, jerkwad! COLE PRL making the count now. Tha Puerto Rican slaps the mat with his right hand, while speaking on the microphone with his left hand. THA PUERTO RICAN 1! 2!…IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THA PUERTO RICAN COUNTS TO THREE! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? COLE Tha Puerto Rican refused to make the count…AGAIN! COACH THIS IS BULLCRAP! COLE Tha Puerto Rican sticking it to his former girlfriend, just not in the way that he usually did! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is outraged at this! She starts spewing out venom directed at Tha Puerto Rican. PRL just stares at her with a cocky smirk on his face. COACH MAKE THE COUNT YOU BASTARD! COLE Coach, if he won’t listen to Lindsay, what makes you think that he will listen to you? COACH Because I’m Da Coach! That’s why! COLE *Sigh* Oy. Lindsay gets off of Maggie and stands up. She continues yelling at Tha Puerto Rican as she gets up. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of PRL’s next move. COLE I think Lindsay’s just about had enough, Coach! COACH I think I’VE just about had enough, Michael! Lindsay walks right on over to Tha Puerto Rican with her hands on her hips, mouthing off to The People’s Champ like there was no tomorrow. She runs her mouth while PRL just stands there and takes it. COLE PRL not doing anything. He’s just listening to Lindsay. COACH She’s running her mouth big time, Cole. You know how Latinas are! The crowd roots for PRL to do something. Lindsay touches PR’s chest with her left pointer finger, telling PRL that he will never be the man that Stephen Joseph is, and that Stephen Joseph satisfies her in bed a lot more than he ever did. PRL pantomines yawning, and then makes a “Yak, yak, yak” gesture with his right hand. COLE I don’t think that he is taking Lindsay seriously! COACH He should. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick continues running her mouth. Tha Puerto Rican just stands there and listens. The crowd is buzzing. COLE How much longer will PRL listen to Lindsay? COACH For as long as she talks, Michael! Simple as that! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick runs her mouth some more. AND THEN SLAPS THA PUERTO RICAN ACROSS THE FACE, KNOCKING HIS SUNGLASSES OFF! COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Lindsay just slapped the taste out of Tha Puerto Rican’s mouth! COACH That was a powerful slap! She knocked his sunglasses right off! The crowd boos loudly. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick laughs at Tha Puerto Rican’s pain. PRL holds his right cheek in pain, with RAGE in his eyes! Lindsay puts her hands on her hips again and has a satisfied grin on her beautiful face. COLE Lindsay just slapped Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Take THAT, CHUMP! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! PRL tells Lindsay something. Lindsay responds right back. PRL yells, Lindsay yells, and then Tha Puerto Rican smiles. He chukles even. Lindsay stands there confused. PRL motions that he will back off. He says, “Okay. Okay. You win. You win.” Lindsay stands her ground, her hands still on her hips. COACH Good job, girl! Show him what you’re made of! Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick stares at Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican backs off some more, and then turns to walk away. But then turns back around to kick Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick in her stomach! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick and then puts her in a front facelock. “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick’s pink short shorts. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican jumps up…and down, giving Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick the P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH LINDSAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE Some PAYBACK from Tha Puerto Rican! COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! Tha Puerto Rican KIPS UP~! He then taunts the fallen Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, telling her that “You can’t see me!” Maggie Nerdly has sat up, so PRL tells her to go do her finishing move. Maggie nods her head and smiles. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has knocked out his ex-fiancée with the P.R. Nightmare! COACH OH GOD! LINDSAY GET UP! PLEASE GET UP! NOW! Tha Puerto Rican stands guard as Maggie Nerdly stands up. Maggie shakes the cobwebs out, and then takes a deep breath. She looks down at Lindsay, and then goes to pick her up. COLE And look at this! Tha Puerto Rican just told Maggie Nerdly to do her finishing move on Lindsay! COACH Oh God! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Maggie picks Lindsay up. She then grabs Lindsay’s right arm, and then applies a hammerlock on her. Maggie holds onto the hammerlock…so that she can give Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick a Hammerlock DDT~!!! COLE Happiness Is Edmonton In Your Rearview Mirror! COACH PRL DID ALL OF THE DAMAGE! Maggie Nerdly covers Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. As she does this, Tha Puerto Rican grabs Vitamin X and throws him over the top rope and onto the floor! Vitamin X hits the protective mats with a sickening THUD! COACH ARGH! X-MAN! COLE Tha Puerto Rican has thrown Vitamin X out of the ring! COACH OH NO! OH NO! OH NO! THA PUERTO RICAN AND STAY OUT! MAGGIE NERDLY Hey P.R.! THA PUERTO RICAN Oh right. Tha Puerto Rican rushes over, gets down on his hands and knees, and makes the count. Maggie Nerdly hooks Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick’s right leg. The crowd counts along. COACH YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” *DING DING DING* (5:57) COLE We’ve got a new Women’s Champion! COACH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE Maggie’s done it! “Monster” by Meg & Dia starts playing. Maggie Nerdly pumps her fists in victory. Tha Puerto Rican taunts Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick some more. P.R. chuckles. BUFFER Here is your winner…and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Champion…MAGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NERRRRDDDDDLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Tha Puerto Rican grabs the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt from the ringside attendant and then hands it over to Maggie Nerdly. Maggie looks at the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt and smiles. She hugs the belt. MARV and MEL both come into the ring with huge smiles on their faces. COLE The least likely contender has done it! Maggie Nerdly has ended the almost yearlong Women's Title reign of Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick! She is now the NEW OAOAST Women’s Champion for the first time in her short career! COACH It’s a tainted victory! She doesn’t deserve it! It’s a tainted victory, Cole! The Christ Air Express help Maggie back to her feet. The Nerdly siblings all embrace while Tha Puerto Rican watches. PRL then walks up to Maggie…and raises her hands in victory with his right hand while at the same time pointing to her with his left hand! The crowd cheers louder than before! COLE Maggie Nerdly has made her brothers proud! She is now the holder of the OAOAST Women’s Title not even a YEAR into her career! COACH Oh this is disgusting! This is terrible! An INTERVIEWER! A freaking INTERVIEWER is now the OAOAST Women’s Champion! We might as well just absolve the OAOAST women’s division right here, because it has hit absolute rock bottom right now! I can’t believe this! This is bogus! COLE Maggie Nerdly has dethroned Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, and Tha Puerto Rican has a measure of revenge against his ex-girlfriend for dumping him! COACH He showed us WHY Lindsay dumped him tonight here on HeldDOWN~! You have all the explanation you could ever want just by watching this match! Now it all makes sense thanks to this match! Stephen Joseph Popick is still recovering on the mat in a turnbuckle corner. Vitamin X is still face-down on the protective mats on the outside. Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick hasn’t gotten up yet from the Happiness Is Edmonton In Your Rearview Mirror. Maggie Nerdly heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head with a smile on her face. She then does the world famous Nerdly RAWK~! hand signal to the fans with her left hand. Maggie gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to the opposite second turnbuckle where she raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head again, and then does the world famous Nerdly RAWK~! hand signal with her left hand again. Maggie then gets off of the second turnbuckle, and then joins The Christ Air Express. Both members of The Christ Air Express hold the ropes so that Maggie can leave the ring. MARV and then MEL then exit the ring themselves. All three Nerdly siblings have smiles on their faces as they leave the ring. Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring as “Monster” continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Maggie Nerdly, at just 18 years of age, is the NEW OAOAST Women’s Champion! COACH And she has her boyfriend to thank for that! COLE It was the Hammerlock DDT that did Lindsay in! COACH No it wasn’t. It was the P.R. Nightmare that did it! The Hammerlock DDT was just for show! COLE We could be up all night debating this, but the point is that Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is no longer the OAOAST Women’s Champion, so now Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick and Stephen Joseph Popick are no longer the Golden Couple of the OAOAST! COACH I know! Isn’t that a tragedy! What a tragedy this is! COLE What a great moment this is in Maggie Nerdly’s career! COACH Whatever. Maggie Nerdly, MARV and MEL all walk up the entrance ramp. Each one has a smile on their face. Maggie holds the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt with her right hand close to her heart. She looks down at it with a smile on her face as she walks up the entrance ramp. COLE Let’s take a look at the instant replay. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips of the match starting with Maggie Nerdly spearing Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. COACH Okay, so, Maggie started off the match hot, right? But Lindsay was able to fight back, despite BIASED refereeing from Tha Puerto Rican! Vitamin X was trying to tell Lindsay just how important this match was, but Tha Puerto Rican stopped that and attacked him UNPROVOKED! Luckily, Popick stopped Tha Puerto Rican from his unjustified assault…that is until PRL just SHOVED him right into X, knocking him out! Then he gave Popick the Latin Slam. Perfect. Then he refused to make the count and then he did this…THIS! The most heinous, disgusting misogynistic, horrible, repugnant, terrible, BRUTAL, WRETCHED THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! A P.R. Nightmare on Lindsay! A P.R. NIGHTMARE ON MRS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK! How awful! PR should be ashamed of himself! And then look at this. Telling his girl to do her finishing move. Maggie does the Happiness Is--whatever, Hammerlock DDT on Lindsay after PRL did a very good job of softening her up. And NOW, PRL makes the count. 1. 2. 3. I don’t believe this. Your winner…and…NEW (UGH) OAOAST Women’s Champion…Maggie…Nerdly. UGH! COLE Nice unbiased commentary, Coach. COACH Hey, I just tells it like it is! COLE Right. COACH What’s with the attitude, whiteboy!? COLE Nothing. Nothing. COACH Yeah. Thought so. Recognize! Bitch. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to live action as Maggie Nerdly and The Christ Air Express are walking up the entrance ramp. Stephen Joseph Popick uses the second ring rope to pull himself up. Meanwhile, Vitamin X moves his hands on the outside. He is still facedown on the protective mats. COLE Is this a sign of things to come? Is this an omen? Is this a sign of what’s to come at AngleMania VII? COACH Oh no. COLE Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick has lost the OAOAST Women’s Championship. Will her husband, Stephen Joseph Popick, lose the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on Sunday March 30th? COACH No. No. No. No. No! Don’t start! Don’t you start! Maggie won by a fluke! Okay? A fluke! If PRL wasn’t the Special Guest Referee, Maggie wouldn’t have won! All right? Okay? Okay? But it was a fluke! That was it! Stephen Joseph is going to CRUSH PRL at AngleMania VII! He is going to OBLITERATE Tha Puerto Rican at AngleMania VII! What happened tonight WILL NOT happen at AngleMania VII! It will be a whole different story at OAOAST AngleMania VII! A WHOLE NEW BALLGAME! Stephen Joseph Popick will BEAT Tha Puerto Rican at OAOAST AngleMania VII on Sunday March 30th live from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. Watch! He will! He will! COLE Still, you have to wonder. Lindsay has just lost her Title. Will Stephen Joseph lose his? COACH No he won’t! And let’s not carry on with this! Let’s just concentrate on the here and now and on how Lindsay, Stephen, AND Vitamin X are ALL HURT! Come on guys! GET UP DAMNIT! Maggie Nerdly raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head on the entrance stage. The crowd cheers. The camera cuts to Stephen Joseph Popick lying on his back on the mat again. The camera then cuts to Vitamin X, who is crawling on the outside. The camera then cuts to Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, who is moving her arms while lying flat on the mat. COACH I can’t believe this has happened! Lindsay has LOST the Women’s Championship! COLE It has happened, Coach! And it has happened here tonight LIVE on HeldDOWN~! MARV and MEL lift Maggie Nerdly up onto their shoulders. Maggie Nerdly raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her head while on her brothers’ shoulders, and then lets out a fist pump. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE What a night this has been already! A memorable moment in the career of Maggie Nerdly, defeating Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick to become One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Champion for the first time in her career! Tha Puerto Rican helped Maggie Nerdly become OAOAST Women’s Champion! Maggie Nerdly is now the OAOAST Women’s Champion and there’s nothing the Popicks can do about it! What a night this has been and we’ve STILL got the Torneo Cibernetico Match coming up shortly, fans! We’ll be right back in just a few moments with more OAOAST HeldDOWN~! right after these messages from our sponsors! MEL and MARV continue holding Maggie Nerdly up on top of their left and right shoulders respectively. Maggie Nerdly raises the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt in the air with her left hand and does the famous Nerdly RAWK~! hand signal with her right hand. Her brothers do the famous Nerdly RAWK~! hand signal as well. Maggie high fives her brothers while sitting on their shoulders. Maggie Nerdly, MARV, and MEL do the famous Nerdly RAWK~! hand signal all at the same time, while Maggie holds the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt with her left hand. The camera does a close-up of Maggie Nerdly smiling while holding the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt with her left hand while sitting on MARV and MEL’s shoulders as the crowd cheers and “Monster” by Meg & Dia continues playing. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE OUT * COMMERCIAL BREAK *

The orchestral strains of REBIRTHING by Skillet grind out over the arena – COLE We're back on HeldDOWN and you're hearing The Lunar Phoenix, James Cone's new theme song "Rebirthing" from the album "Comatose" by Skillet, now in stores! The strings break into crunching guitars as the song hits full swing and the stage EXPLODES in sparks and a continuously billowing flame right at the center. Phoenix and Widow emerge, Phoenix in his black and white tights and boots, no shirt and a sleeveless hoodie with the BURN BRIGHT logo. He throws his arms out and jogs down the ramp a ways, interacting with the fans as Widow trails behind, smiling. At the ring area, he pauses and surveys before heading up the steps, where he sits on the middle rope for Widow to climb in. Not a diva, she foregoes the slow bend or other sexual positions and merely hops through, bounding in and heading for a turnbuckle. Phoenix is right behind her, hitting the opposite turnbuckle and throwing up the "love" horns. The lights return to normal as they hit the ring and a nearby official tosses a mic in. PHOENIX What's up, La Fayette? The crowd cheers for themselves. COACH He's in good spirits for a dead guy. COLE Come on, Coach. Phoenix is no newb, he's wrestled in similar contests and survived. The original Stairway to Oblivion and the infamous Barbed Wire Spools match. COACH Yeah, but not against Jester. That bitch is crazy. And so is Jobbs. PHOENIX I gotta tell ya, I'm really touched by the letters that came in while I was out with a head injury and pneumonia. I couldn't ask for better fans. I also couldn't ask for a better woman. He turns and holds his hand out for Widow. She grins and takes his hand and points to him admiringly. PHOENIX I mean, the way you dropped that bitch on her head last week was beautiful, baby. Mixed reaction from the crowd. A rumble, but not quite boo's, and a smattering of cheers. PHOENIX Hey! If anybody's got it coming, they do. They're sick, and they'll stop at nothing. They wanna play hardball, we can play hardball. And— You know who you fuckin’ with? COLE Oh boy, here we go! COACH I’ve got a pretty terrible feeling about this, Cole. Jester and Jobbs make their way out from the back, Jobbs sporting a neck brace. In the ring, Widow allows a smile, shrugging her shoulders. JESTER Save us the clever rhetoric, Jimmy. You know what happened last week as well as I do. Phoenix chuckles. PHOENIX Really, now and what’s that? JESTER It’s simple, really. We won. PHOENIX You wont? JESTER Oh, it happened a lot sooner than we thought it would, but we definitely won. See, you’ve prided yourself on being the good guy, on being popular, on doing the right thing. All that goody-two-shoes kind of uninteresting crap. Everything was so black and white, so boring. But I know you, Jim. I know you better than you know yourself. I know you were unhappy while you were away. I know you were growing more and more frustrated. Alone, without her. Without the crowd. So when you came back, I knew it could be loads of fun to keep you out of the ring, to get in the way, to keep you away from that which I know you were longing to chase… The World Championship. COLE Every player in the game is gunning for that one. COACH That’s the nature of our business. Cat’s like Jester always in the way of guy’s like Phoenix. In the ring, Phoenix looks pissed. Jester’s clearly hit a nerve. PHOENIX Well, Jester, let me tell you, you’re right. But maybe… maybe not in the way that you think you are. You see, while I was gone I did start getting frustrated. I did start to miss it. I missed her, I missed the ring, I missed the thrill of a hundred thousand people at Angelmania when you walk out on the biggest stage there is to get the one-two-three. And you’re right, Jester, I came back expecting to start moving my way back up the ladder until some day, just some day, I could enter this ring with the big strap around my waist. The top guy, number one, undisputed. And then you showed up. Just like you did last time, except now, of course, you’re a little more colorful. And so far, I haven’t been able to wrestle a single match, haven’t been able to show the world who I am now, what I’m capable of. But here’s where you’re wrong, Jester. See, you think you won. You think you fundamentally changed who I am for the worse, that you got the better of me, that you frustrated me. But I’m not frustrated, Jester. You didn’t seduce me, you taught me something. Or, rather, you reminded me of something. And that thing is this: you gotta do what you gotta do. And that doesn’t always have much to do with what side you pick. I can hate you and stand against you, and I can find a way to get the job done. You didn’t frustrate me, Jester, you reminded me that there are always possibilities to deal with guys like you in this business. That sometimes you gotta start speaking the language of your enemies to get their attention. But that doesn’t mean I have to cheat. I don’t have to compromise the rules. You haven’t turned me into a villain, J. See, all this has backfired on ya. You think I’ve compromised something in frustration by breaking out Stairway to Oblivion. But you forget – I HELPED CREATE WHAT THAT MATCH MEANS! Jingus nearly tore my hips right off my body trying to pull my down off the cell door. That match was brutal, it was about sacrifice. You didn’t make me bad, Jester. You just gave me the opportunity I was looking for all along. It’s my chance, my shot, my time to BURN BRIGHT. To make my mark to send a message to everybody in the locker room that I’m here and I’ll do whatever it takes to take my place. You’re just gonna be the first guy that gets a real taste. JESTER [begins laughing maniacally] Oh, this is going to be more fun that I ever dreamed! THE RINGPOSTS EXPLODE IN GREEN SPARKS as the STAGE EXPLODES WITH GREEN GAS. When it clears, Jester and Jobbs are gone, with Phoenix and Widow left glaring at the empty stage, rubbing their eyes from the flash. COLE Wow! Well, folks, you add in the Heartland Title match to Jester and Phoenix's big match and you just may have the bloodiest most brutal Anglemania in history! People are going to be leaving in stretchers that night, I assure you of that! And folks if you can't join us live you can always order from your cable or satellite provider or order the webcast. All orders will feature the very special preshow hosted by Maggie Nerdly, and featuring OAOAST greats Tony Brannigan, El Dandy, Jingus and Jivin JR! Coming up later on tonight that same Maggie Nerdly will face Miss Lindsay Gonzales for the women's title with Tha Puerto Rican as special guest referee. And our huge mainevent is forthcoming, a Torneo Cibernetico, featuring wrestler of the year Landon Maddix, face of the year Leon Rodez and former tag team champions, The Lonestar Gunslingers! The camera cuts to the backstage area where Maggie Nerdly is WALKING~!. The crowd cheers loudly. Maggie has her fists clenched, and is ready for battle. COLE And there is Maggie Nerdly. The #1 Contender to the OAOAST Women's Championship. She is going to get her rematch against the OAOAST Women's Champion, Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, coming up next in just a few moments, fans! COACH Oh boy! I can't wait! Maggie Nerdly is going DOWN! And not in the way that I usually like! COLE Ugh. Anyway, it's Mrs. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick defending the OAOAST Women's Championship against Maggie Nerdly with Special Guest Referee Tha Puerto Rican! It's LIVE and it's NEXT! COMMERCIAL

#~OAOAST presents ANGLEMANIA VII~# AN INDETERMINATE AMOUNT OF DAYS TO GO!! COLE Folks, earlier this week, one of our own received perhaps the greatest honor in the field of entertainment. Krista Isadora Duncan, fitness queen, television star, and best selling author was honored among her peers, friends, family and fans with her very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! We here in the OAOAST would like to congratulate Krista on this amazing accomplishment, we're all very proud of what you've done. And folks just in case you weren't in LA to see the induction or missed the highlights on E then we've got Krista's speech for you right now. Let's take a look, Its a typically bright and brilliant day beneath the Los Angeles skyline, and the joyful mood of the thousands of gawkers and onlookers only adds to elated aura created by the perfect weather. These people surround a stage, and continually jockey for better sight positions all while cheering the target of their affection. This worshiped superstar is Krista Isadora Duncan, clad in black dress, standing behind a podium and trying her hardest to keep her polite grin from erupting into a full blown smile. Behind her are even more fans, many of whom hold up signs proclaiming their love for Krista. Already introduced, Krista begins her speech to her adoring fans. KRISTA I guess me getting this star proves you don't have to turn on Celebrity Rehab to find druggies in the Entertainment industry! Here I am on a star smashed between the one for little girl from those old Pepsi commercials and the Dog from Frasier. Jesus Chirst, we're Drew Lachey and a Spice Girl away from being the next season of the Surreal Life. No, I'm kidding, as always. Um, I told myself I wouldn't cry, and numerous face lifts and botox operations are helping me keep that promise. But believe me I want to cry, because I've walked down this little stretch of California land since my mother decided pushing a kid in a stroller through Hollywood was the kind of suicide akin to flying a Nakijima B5N into the USS West Virgina at Pearl Harbor. And I would grow up thinking that Frosty the Snowman has a better chance of surviving a summer timeshare in Hades then I do of ever getting a star. All I can say is that I hope Frosty's enjoying afternoon shuffleboard with Himler and the rest of the SS. I don't actually know what I did to deserve this. To be honest, when the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce called me, I got a little freaked out, I started thinking how on earth did they figure out I jacked Nicole Kidman's star so quickly? And, obviously, I became incredibly worried, because I had no way of getting that thing back, the immigrant I sold it to was deported weeks ago! The audience laughs. KRISTA And then I remembered back earlier this year I had been walking on the Boulevard and a homeless person, I think he might have played one of the kids on Family Matters, wheeled up to me and asked if I could buy him dinner. And I didn't buy him dinner but I gave him the choice of a Paula Abdul CD or a rusty penny with awhole in it, and he naturally took the rusty penny. And I thought maybe certain members of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce had seen this unprovoked act of generous altruism and were going to recommend me to the Academy Awards for a Gene Hershaw humanitarian award. But they said, no, that they wanted me to be honored on their Walk Of Fame. And, I was shocked of course, and I started naming all the names of women who deserved them before me, Julia Roberts, Kiera Knightley, Angelenia Jolie, I gave them sixteen people at the very least, sixteen very talented people, and they said, well, Krista, they were our first sixteen choices but they all wanted an appearance fee. Again the audience laughs and Krista's smiles back. KRISTA And, well, here I am and I don't honestly know what to say. And I practiced this type of thing in the shower pretty much everyday. That and running onstage to duet with Mick Jagger on Gimmie Shelter. And just like that, this is so much different in real life then it is in the shower. But at least here an eighty five year old mummified corpse named Keith Richards isn't chucking me into a row of seats filled with sixty year old mummified corpses. Um, honestly, this is great. This is such an honor for me, because this is immortality. This is immortality amongst people who make me look like the most insignificant little amoeba on this planet. These are the people I've watched growing up, they're the ones who made me want to be somebody, and its wonderful to just have my name next to them. Do I deserve it, have I earned it? I don't know, but I've always done my best, and this is the best thing that's happened to me since my daughters were born. My youngest, Maya, is in the audience, and before I came up here, she just held me and said she loved me, and I love you to, baby. And, I just guess in closing, I want to thank anyone I've ever met, because in one way or another you've made Krista Isadora Duncan, and if I don't have you, I don't have any of this. So thank you! Thank you forever! A raucous ovation from the audience greets Krista's closing, as the surreal goodness of the entire event forces a broad smile onto her face. That smiles is quickly joined by a river of tears once Maya rushes onto stage and embraces her overjoyed mother. Thrilled to be able to share this moment with her daughter, Krista hoists Maya into the air, allowing her to bask in the glut of applause that envelops them. COLE (O.S.) It was a great day for Krista, that turned much worse thanks to an unwelcome visitor. As an awesome gathering of fans still salute her achievements and show their praise, Krista is escorted to her limo by several security guards. She offers the fans' a parting gift of a tender smile and wave, before finally pulling the door open to get into the car. But there her smile fades into oblivion, and its place rides a look of complete shock. Theodore Moneymaker sits with bottle of wine in hand, laughing with disturbing merriment. COMMERCIAL We return from break to the image we left with, wide eyed Krista stunned into revulsion at her worst enemy stowed away inside her limo. KRISTA You! Reluctantly, but curious as to Moneymaker's intent Krista slides her way into the Limo. Moneymaker welcomes her with a shockingly warm smile. MONEYMAKER Yes. Me. You and I have been enemies of the peace for so long, yet have shared simple conversation so rarely. I feel we must change that. KRISTA Hey, I've never had sex with Paul Reubens, but that doesn't mean I'm about to carpool with Cowboy Curtis and Miss Yvonne to Pee-Wee's playhouse! Moneymaker smiles in playful dismissal of Krista's comments. MONEYMAKER Forgive me for I do regret not being amongst the numberless admirers who have flocked so far and so long to pay you their respects. But know that my absence doesn't prevent my adoration for you from being any less the equal as theirs. KRISTA Nothing says adoration like a revealing a secret that leads to a three hundred pound freak with flaming tattoos on his skull tearfully asking why you never breast fed him as a child. MONEYMAKER Yes, well, though you may not be of the mind to believe it, I would say there was not a soul in that audience who was spellbound with as much happiness for you as the man who sits before you. They know you as nothing more then Krista Isadora Duncan the product. I know you as Krista Isadora Duncan the person. Krista Isadora Duncan my greatest enemy. It is said that you should wish your enemy well in their endeavors, mourn their losses, and luxuriate in their every success. And so I toast to your magical moment beneath the California sun. Moneymaker passes Krista a glass of Merlot. For once in her life, she isn't inclined to consume alcohol, but this doesn't stop Moneymaker from clinking his glass against her's in celebration. MONEYMAKER Though I have to admit, you do confound me. You have failed Alix. You have failed Jade and you have failed Maya. All that you've sworn to protect, and yet you keep your honor, yet you battle back against my repeated assaults. And you emerge with flames burning as bright as any California forest fire. Stronger then ever. And I once again must reexamine my tactics in dealing with you. What are you truthfully? A saint of survival? Or an angel of vengeance? My family believes I waste my time with you. They say its a futile effort to attempt to erase you from the vocabulary of pop culture. I disagree, I say its the only effort worth making. Anything that comes easy is not something worth having. But, I wonder, why is it that we're enemies? What makes it so, when we are very similar people. Where are the differences that pit us on opposite sides of the battleground! KRISTA For one thing, I'm not currently lactating! And no matter what my mother tried to tell doctor who told her it wasn't possible to abort me at four years of age, I am not the polestar of all human evil. You, on the other hand, are deadlocked with Paula Abdul in the race for Satan's lieutenant governor! MONEYMAKER Inaccurate on all counts! Miss Abdul's steady pushing of Jordan Spinks over the rest of the shameful crap that filtered through American Idol season six is what dragged that show's credibility out the gutter! For that Miss Abdul is a treasure of American pop music. Our fundamental difference is that you lack the will to kill. Sure you'll mock, and taunt people you don't like, and get a few laughs out of it. But at the end of the night you let them walk away to live another day. You let their life remain. Cowardice. KRISTA I believe the politically correct term for that is “Not being the Antichrist!” MONEYMAKER Call it what you will, but it always identifies itself as weakness. When someone crosses me, or provokes my ire as you have, I don't even let a memory of them remain. Their lives are forfeit, and the challenge they once posed me with it. Your actions speak with jest and humor, mine speak with finality. That is the real difference between us. I will not stop myself from being the monster that brings the blade across the neck of my foe. There is no hesitation in my mind when I drive the dagger through the heart of my enemy as I have done to you. Perhaps, you're the way you are because you can look to your daughters, your causes and passions and maybe you can see some hope in the world. KRISTA Once again, full credit goes out to me not being the antichrist! MONEYMAKER That kind of hope is alien to me. Only hatred for the woman who has tormented my every hour since we first met is mine. As long as I can curse your name I won't be defeated. I'm not fit to challenge you physically, I can admit that. But in the realm of the psychological, the most dangerous realm of all, you aren't fit to challenge me. With just few simple well chosen words, I've turned your greatest love against you, and after your defeat she'll be the sole queen of Los Angeles. Savor this day well. I think it may be the last hint of joy that ever passes your way. There's no moment for Krista to respond as Moneymaker makes an abrupt exit through the car door. Not even the echo of his trademark laughter hangs in his wake, leaving Krista to stew in a mixture of annoyance and disgust at the rain Moneymaker has dumped onto her parade. COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks, last week we got the opinions of Natalie Portman and Demi Moore on the biggest match to hit Hollywood since Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader, Krista versus Alix, but this week we go into the Hip-Hop world to talk with Rick Ross, who's done a track with Alix on her CD Beauty Crush. Rick Ross is shown relaxing behind the mixing console at a recording studio in Miami. He wears dark lens sunglasses and puffs on an oversized cigar. RICK ROSS I'ma go with Alix on this, 'cause I'm on her new CD and all, Ricky Ross da Bauce! Alix and I both got diamondsrings custom designed built by the same exact dude here in Miami so we cool. But, man, I was pissed off when that team broke up. I ain’t gonna front, Chicks Over Dicks, that’s my shit, man. I look at it like the OAOAST lost major power-players and big money and big ballers. I can't mess with those other dudes ya'll got up in there. The Hollywood Rockers or whatever their name is, I don’t even know. Shit, that's whatever. As Rick Ross shakes has head, obviously not wise to wisdom of Allah's chosen tag team, we return to the arena. DJ Clue's Super Mario Remix plays, and the Burrough Boys make their way through the curtains, to the boos of the crowd. COLE And here come the Burrough Boys, to the boos of this crowd here in Louisiana! Let's to to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, accompanied by fellow Burrough Boys Mariano, Luther, and Waldo...hailing from Queens, New York, weighing in at 220 pounds...Burrough Boy QUUUUUUUUUUUUINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! COLE So it'll be Quincy competing in this match for the Burrough Boys, who last week, ambushed their former ally, Reject, right here in this very ring! They said that Reject hadn't been producing results in the ring, and it was reflecting on them! Quincy slides in the ring, and starts shadow boxing as his partners egg him on. God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid makes his way through the yellow strobes and smoke in the entryway. COACH Well. Quincy's got a tough test here tonight! BUFFER His opponent...hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! Thunderkid walks down to the ring, then slides inside and poses on the buckles. As the lights come on, the other three Burrough Boys are gone from ringside. COLE And apparently Quincy's group has been sent to the back! COACH What for? COLE Well, they're not licensed managers! *DING DING DING* TK and Quincy circle the ring, and tie up. TK promptly shoves Quincy off into a corner! COLE And right away, TK showing off that power! COACH Gotta use your speed here, Quincy! Quincy gets to his feet slowly, then moves in, and quickly goes behind TK. He grabs a waistlock, then quickly drops down and trips TK to the mat from behind, hopping over and paintbrushing him after the fact! COLE And now Quincy trying to get under the skin of TK! COACH That was a nice trip by Quincy, though! COLE A very good wrestling move, I have to admit! TK moves in on Quincy, who goes to the eyes, and backs TK into a corner. He delivers some quick kicks, then steps out and delivers a spinning thrust kick to the face! COACH And Reject felt that one last week! Quincy then executes a monkey flip, kipping up and then celebrating, not knowing that TK had flipped right over to his feet! COLE And Quincy may want to turn around right here! Quincy does turn around, just in time for TK to deliver a big right, sending him back into the corner. TK delivers big rights in the corner, followed by a stiff European uppercut! He then whips Quincy across the ring, and catches him coming back in a PRESS SLAM~! COACH Uh-oh... TK walks to the ropes and tosses Quincy right to the floor! COLE And a long way down for Quincy, as TK in complete control of this match! Quincy starts to get to his feet, and TK gives chase as Quincy takes off gingerly around the ring! Finally, Quincy ducks underneath the ring, and TK follows. After a few seconds, Waldo makes his way into the ring, selling phony injuries. COLE Wait a minute! Coach, that's not the right one! TK slides out, and follows Waldo inside, who begs off. TK picks up Waldo, who goes to the eyes, then starts delivering body blows, and executes a vertical suplex! He follows with a standing somersault senton, then a regular standing senton! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Waldo then rolls to the outside and grabs a chair, which is promptly taken by the referee. COLE And now Waldo attempting to blatantly cheat right in front of the referee! COACH No, he's not! Look! As the referee turns to put the chair away, Luther appears and springs to the top rope, coming down on TK as Waldo holds him on the ropes! COLE And now another one in there! That's Luther! This is like a 4-on-1 handicap match! COACH No, it's only 3-on-1 so far! COLE But you know Mariano is lurking under there somewhere! COACH How do you know that? COLE ...are you a fucking idiot? Waldo jumps out and goes under the ring, as Luther stays in. He picks TK up, and executes a twisting neckbreaker! 1... 2... Kickout! Luther picks up TK, and whips him into a corner, then charges...but TK moves out of the way! TK grabs Luther from behind, and executes a back suplex! Both men lay on the mat, as the referee counts! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! Both men get to their feet, and TK quickly wins a slugfest. He then whips Luther into the ropes. Luther ducks a clothesline, but gets caught in a bodypress attempt, and TK executes a FALLAWAY SLAM~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK attempts another Irish whip, but Luther reverses, and TK is tripped from the outside! COLE And look at this! What's the referee doing? Luther tosses TK to the outside, then distracts the referee as TK is double-teamed by Mariano and Quincy! COACH Mariano! What a surprise! COLE They roll TK back inside, where Luther covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Luther then removes a turnbuckle pad, which, again, is blocked by the referee. As the referee assesses the situation, this allows Quincy to jump back in. COLE And another substitution, now it's Quincy back in! Quincy sets up a piledriver, but TK blocks, and backdrops him! TK then floors Quincy with a clothesline! A second! A third! TK then whips Quincy into the ropes, and catches him with a BICYCLE KICK! COLE And TK amazingly able to withstand this! TK then signals for the end, picks Quincy up, and plants him with the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COACH I can't believe this! Mariano, who was peeking over the apron, slides in and goes after TK, but is met with a clothesline, as the referee calls for the bell! *DING DING DING* TK gets caught with a MISSILE DROPKICK from Luther, then he and Waldo stomp away on TK, with Mariano shortly joining, as Reject jogs down the aisle, steel chair in hand! COLE And here comes Reject! COACH Listen to the crowd, too! Indeed, the crowd cheers as Reject slides in and blasts Waldo across the back with the chair! Luther then takes a shot to the head, but Mariano grabs the chair from Reject! He cranks it up, but TK takes it from him, then hits him over the head with it, causing him to stagger back into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COLE I never thought I'd see this again, and neither did this crowd here in Louisiana! Listen to them! Reject gets up, and is looking TK right in the eye. After a brief awkward stare-off, Reject turns and exits the ring, and walks to the back. COACH I don't know what to make of this situation, Cole! COLE Well, I'm sure we'll hear more about it in the weeks leading to AngleMania! Right now, let's go to... COMMERCIAL

And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK, presented by Beauty Crush, the much anticipated Alix Maria Spezia debut CD! Courtesy: The Leap Year Spectacular Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime The Enterprise presents... In association with the OAOAST and TSM Back live on the air, the credits are rolling as it’s time for another exciting installment of… "Reel Talk is filmed before a live studio audience." Executive Producer/Creator Simon Singleton Co-Executive Producer Theodore Moneymaker Casting Couch Ned Blanchard Security CPA Directed By Molly Nerdly New episode, same routine as the curtain rises and the famed Beverly Hills Blonds, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard in matching silver vests and black shorts, grab their drinks at the in house bar and then head for the lounge to a chorus of boos segment director Molly Nerdly drowns out in the truck with canned applause. NED BLANCHARD - CHASING CHAMBERLAIN 2,083 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 75 from two weeks ago NED Lafayette, Louisiana, and Nielsen households across the country, welcome to a television event TWO WEEKS in the making. The return of Reel Talk and its popular co-host, the B.O.S.S himself Simon Singleton! "BOOOOOOOOO *canned applause* OOOOOOOOOOO!" Booed in reality, cheered in his mind, Simon raises his glass for a toast. SIMON To the hottest sports entertainers in the world today. SIMON & NED Ned’s inner redneck comes through as he gulps down his adult beverage and asks the barmaid to toss him another cold one. And another and another and another. NED Of course the Handsome Hustler reminds you to drink responsibility, which I’ll demonstrate later tonight by competing in the epic Torneo Cibernetico III match hammered, pissing off M.A.D.E. or Mothers Against Drunken Entertainers. SIMON He’s only kidding, folks. Ned can handle his beer. NED (slurring speech) Did I ever tell you I slept with your ex-wife while you were still married? I’m so freaking sorry for that, man. It was late, I was drunk and horny. You wouldn’t believe the boner I had that night. I nearly popped my pants before getting around to your old lady. SIMON NED No, I am only kidding, you dumb son of a bitch! SIMON Ah, you got me. Had me completely fooled there for a second. Say, why don’t we introduce our guests this week? NED Let’s do it. Although I really do feel terrible about sleeping with Rhonda Sue. The one time I lowered my standards for a cheap thrill. SIMON How do you think I feel? I’m the one who married her! Anyway, OAOAST Magazine calls our guests pound for pound the best tag team in the sport -- and I emphasis the word sport because the Beverly Hills Blonds are the best sports entertainers. You can watch them in action Sunday, March 30 at AngleMania VII when they challenge the Heavenly Rockers for the One & Only World tag team championship. Ladies and gents, the 2008 Anderson Cup winners… CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN… TEAM HEYROSS! “Shine” by Collective Soul hits and the #1 contenders appear in their bad ass hooded windbreakers to a surprisingly large ovation, by their standards at least, although they receive their fair amount of jeers as well. SIMON First of all, I guess congratulations are in order. I say that because you won the Anderson Cup without having to beat the Beverly Hills Blonds. But much like the Houston Rockets “impressive” 20 game win streak, you can only play who’s on your schedule. NED In summarization, it’s better to be lucky than good. Moss and Benjamin smile wryly, greatly amused by the remarks. SIMON Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about why you’re here. By virtue of your Anderson Cup victory you’re now in line to face the OAO World tag team champions at the grandest spectacle in all of parody e-fed entertainment, AngleMania VII. Before we get your take on that, let’s first hear these pre-recorded comments from your opponents, the Heavenly Rockers. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * SWOOSH * We cut to the Heavenly Rockers inside their Sin City recording studio. Holly on husband Logan Mann’s lap smoking a cigarette, Synth (wearing an Arabic headdress and now trademark goggles) and Abdullah in the background monitoring the latest in the democratic presidential race on CNN and Fox News (sorry MSNBC). LOGAN Even though we couldn’t be there live, the greatest rock ‘n wrestling band of all-time is with you in spirit. Seriously, though. The Heavenly Rockers in Lafayette, Louisiana?! What, does the Superdome still reek of death? That’s why you idiots spent millions repairing the joint instead of helping those affected by Hurricane Katrina. Because unlike the OAOAST, we don’t play second-rate towns. This is a first class operation. We’re talking about the bright lights and big cities. And it don’t get no bigger and badder than AngleMania, where the Heavenly Rockers are 3-0. I’ll concede you two are the better wrestlers, but your past accomplishments in the amateur level and the number of holds you know won’t be worth a damn if you can’t stand the heat of AngleMania. SYNTH Allow moi to break it down for ya. The teenager father of them all is a whole different beast. It ain’t like grappling on HD. The spotlight is brighter and the crowd is 10 times bigger. So you won the Anderson Cup. Big deal. Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright proved last year that honor doesn’t mean the tag titles will be handled to you on a silver platter. The same pundits who blow you verbally claim the Synthmeister and L-Mann are overconfident. Hell, you’d be too when you’ve been at the top on 3 separate occasions. We know what it takes to get there and most importantly stay there. LOGAN In closing, I suggest you guys soak up the spotlight because AngleMania will be the closest you get to the OAO World tag team championship. HOLLY Honey, I’m so ashamed of you. LOGAN HOLLY Didn’t anybody teach you to win with class? The least we could do is let Charlie and Quentin take a picture with the belts. LOGAN, SYNTH, HOLLY & ABDULLAH “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan and the gang laugh it up as we cut back to a less than amused Team Heyross. NED How about them apples? MOSS We’re not going to get involved in a pissing contest with the Heavenly Rockers. Synth and Logan, for whatever reason, feel the need to remind people how great they are, we don’t. Quentin and I prefer to let our actions speak for themselves. And our actions have spoken louder than any words could. It’s why one win separates us from achieving our goal of becoming the One & Only World tag team champions. BENJAMIN The Heavenly Rockers lack of respect isn’t surprising. We’ve had to fight that since day one. It wasn’t until our performance in the Anderson Cup that we began catching people’s eyes and respect. Just look at the teams we beat to earn our shot at the gold. They were big and bad, quick and agility, bruisers and, oh yeah, the very team we’re gonna face again in a couple of weeks at AngleMania, the Heavenly Rockers. (to the Blonds) Had you guys made it past the first round we’d have beaten you too! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SIMON & NED BENJAMIN Synth and Logan have every right to be confident going into AngleMania. Last I checked they were the champions. They don’t have to beat us, we have to beat them. On the flip side, we’ve already beaten them once so we hold a psychological edge. SIMON Get outta here! That stuff is overrated! BENJAMIN Go ask the Golden State Warriors if that‘s overrated. They matched up against a team they knew couldn’t play their style and embarrassed them. History’s shown the Heavenly Rockers don’t match up well against teams who employ a wrestling style as us. Come AngleMania history will repeat itself. “Shine” cues up once again as Team Heyross motion wanting the tag belts around their waists. NED Well Simon, this concludes another exciting installment of the hottest new talk show on TV, Reel Talk. SIMON You got that right. Be sure to join us again as we continue to bring you the show that deals with the issues you really care about. For Ned Blanchard, I’m Simon Singleton saying goodnight until next time. Now we gotta prepare for our match later tonight!! © The Enterprise COMING UP NEXT ThunderKid Vs Quincy NEXT

COLE Right now, let's go up to the ring, where Anglesault will oversee the contract signing between Sandman and Alfdogg! Anglesault is shown in the ring, with a hoard of OAOAST officials. ANGLESAULT All right, Lafayette! At AngleMania VII on March 30 from Los Angeles, we have got a big match for the Heartland title, one of the biggest matches in the history of the Heartland division! Well, I'm out here to make that match official, I have the contract, so first, let's bring out the challenger! *crowd reacts with mostly boos* ANGLESAULT He'll be going for his record fourth Heartland title in just over two weeks at AngleMania VII, and is also a two-time former OAOAST World champion! Ladies and gentlemen...ALFDOGG!!!!! Magnum Opus plays, and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring, once again greeted with boos, with a few scattered cheers. COLE And here he comes, could he become a four-time Heartland champion on March 30? COACH If anyone can do it, it's Alf, but Sandman has yet to taste defeat since returning to the OAOAST almost six months ago! Alf walks slowly to the ring, and smiles as he steps through the ropes. He raises his arms in the air, then walks over to the chair which gives him a view of the aisle. ANGLESAULT And ladies and gentlemen, his opponent! *crowd cheers* ANGLESAULT He is a former OAOAST World tag team champion, and the reigning OAOAST Heartland champion...SANDMAN9000!!!!! The lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! The crowd goes insane as a figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. COLE AngleMania VII will mark the 6-month anniversary of this man's return and victory in the Chamber of Hell, a match Alf was also a part of! Sandman enters the ring and sits in the near chair, as the officials split sides, half behind him and half behind Alf. ANGLESAULT OK, we've got the participants in place...Alf, you start us off! Anglesault puts the contract down in front of Alf, and Alf grabs the pen and signs it. ANGLESAULT OK, we're halfway there...Sandman? Alf slowly slides the contract over to Sandman, who grabs the pen, and signs it. ANGLESAULT All right folks, it's official! Alf and Sandman stand up and face off, with officials surrounding them. ANGLESAULT History will be made, one way or the other, at AngleMania VII! Alf and Sandman continue to stare one another down, then Alf simply pats the belt around Sandman's waist, and exits the ring. COLE And Alf signaling that he's going to take back the Heartland title in 16 days! It's now official, another huge match set for AngleMania VII, for the Heartland title! And what better time then now to rundown our official OAOAST Anglemania card! OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VII Just cause you ain't never seen a show wit dis much swag dont mean it dont exist, b ~OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship~ Stephen Joseph Popick © -vs- Tha Puerto Rican ~First Time Ever!~ Krista Isadora Duncan -vs- Alix Maria Spezia ~One On One Grudge Match~ Zack Malibu -vs- Bohemoth ~OAOAST Heartland Championship~ Sandman9000 © -vs- Alfdogg ~OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championships~ The Heavenly Rockers © -vs- Team Heyross ~Stairway To Oblivion II~ James "Lunar Phoenix" Cone -vs- Jester AND MORE... a whole bunch more probably there's like sixty people currently not on the show. EMT Cash demands a payday! COLE Well, folks, on Tuesday night, Anglemania covergirl Alix Maria Spezia was scheduled to perform four songs from her CD Beauty Crush at The Pageant in Saint Louis, Missouri, but a car accident in Los Angeles kept her grounded in California. E! News has all the scoops to get you up to date on her sorrowing saga. Various highlights of Alix Maria Spezia's career outside the OAOAST are shown, as a reporter's voice speaks in the background. FEMALE REPORTER Pop starlet, Alix Maria Spezia hospitalized and accused of Driving While Intoxicated. E's got the the singing sensation being brought down by her sensational behavior. VALERIE ORTIZ Hey, guys, I'm Valerie Ortiz for E! News Now. Wild girl Alix Maria Spezia ran afoul of the law and her fellow motorists on Monday in Los Angeles. The funny gal crashed her Mercedes into a Dodge Carvan after leaving the famous Ivy restaurant in West Hollywood Monday afternoon. Police say that on the day of the accident, an intoxicated Alix was "driving recklessly" at 60 miles per hour in order to avoid having her picture taken by paparazzi and "looking over her shoulder instead of watching the road." This led to her Mercedes crossing over onto the wrong side of the road and smashing into the Caravan. As a result, the victim, Luis Waldo, is reported to be considering a lawsuit against both The Ivy and Alix for damages in excess of $200,000. Alix is shown at a radio station, taking part in a radio interview. ALIX Girls just wanna have fun, dude! And sometimes, like, I guess fun can take you to really low places. As the reporter speaks more highlights and outtakes from Alix's career are shown. ORTIZ And Alix has hit one major low. A source close to superstar hottie has said Alix spent the weekend in the Cedars Sinai Medical Center because due to an adverse reaction to mixing prescription painkillers with cocaine. However, reports that she was on suicide watch were “totally false” according to source. She is not at all suicidal said the source. This isn't Alix first time in Cedars Sinai. Earlier in February she was admitted into the ER due to what her camp had called heat exhaustion. But those close to Alix say that it was a cocaine overdose that hospitalized the diva. And with her elder brother Ronnie Spezia's arrest for felony cocaine possession just two days later, the words of those sources hold weight. We cut back to the E! News studio for the wrap up on the story. ORTIZ A source close to Alix says she's currently recovering at in her condo in Beverly Hills. Stay tuned to E! Your source for the latest news about Alix Maria Spezia and all things entertainment. FADE OUT COLE Folks, once again we'd like to thank E! For sharing their services with us, and well, its a shame to see Alix going down a road that many before her have traveled before. And, Coach, I don't think you can pin this on malicious rumors spread by Krista, this is another stay in a hospital and actual car accident. And frankly I find myself very worried. But, for now the show must move on with some Reel Talk. COMING UP NEXT REEL TALK 4 REAL DUDES REEL TALK NEXT

COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, where we already have GENSHOU heading to the ring with his mysterious ninja who has some scary, disturbing promises last week that I will not dare repeat on-air tonight. COACH Tonight, GENSHOU faces another opponent in what has been a violent winning streak, decimating opponents since his debut earlier this year. COLE His opponent is standing rather fearlessly in the far corner. His name is Zane Levitzsky, from Moscow, Russia. He looks to be around 6'6, stacked with muscle upon muscle, but we don't know much more about him. He looks like a bad man, but GENSHOU is a proven tough competitor. *BELL RINGS* COACH The ninja jumps to the floor under his cloak of mystery, as this match begins... GENSHOU immediately throws a thrust kick that connects with Levitzsky's ribs. GENSHOU throws a back leg thrust kick to the side of Zane's head, then hits a spinkick to the stomach. These kicks seem to daze Zane, as he is Irish whipped into the corner. GENSHOU goes for a one-armed back handspring elbow in the corner...and ZANE CATCHES HIM IN A WAISTLOCK IN MID-AIR! COLE What is this? Levitzsky turns around and dumps GENSHOU right on his skull with a release German suplex! The crowd is stunned, as they're used to GENSHOU killing men. The ninja is frantically pacing around ringside, looking worried. Levitzsky pulls GENSHOU up, then tosses him back with a release overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Levitzsky is growling at a shocked crowd, then gets headbutted in the stomach as he tries to pull GENSHOU up again. GENSHOU comes off of the ropes and goes for a spinning wheel kick, but gets caught in mid-air, then slammed down to the mat back-first! Levitzsky pulls GENSHOU up by the legs and destroys him with a corner powerbomb! GENSHOU stumbles out of the corner in a stupor, as Levitzsky comes off of the ropes on the opposite end, then clotheslines Levitzsky so hard he takes a flip bump! COACH We have never seen something like this! Usually when someone comes in and destroys a line of no-namers, usually he doesn't lose for a while! Levitzsky pulls GENSHOU up, then yells "OVER!" He lifts GENSHOU up for a powerbomb, but GENSHOU mists him in the eyes! The referee doesn't see the mist coming out of his mouth, so he can't disqualify GENSHOU. GENSHOU is able to get out of the position with a hurricanrana. GENSHOU leaps immediately up to the top rope as Zane climbs to his feet. GENSHOU takes a chance and goes for the Oriental Tsunami (corkscrew moonsault), but he gets CAUGHT over Zane's shoulder! Zane tosses him like he's weightless, changing the position to a fireman's carry, then slams him down by yanking his legs inward and plowing him onto his back HARD! He floats into the pin! ONE! TWO! THREE! *BELL RINGS* BUFFER Your winner...um...Zane Levitzsky? COLE This monster of a man has come in and derailed what was sure to be a main event mainstay for years to come in a matter of around one minute! The ninja climbs into the ring, shocked. He looks down at his fallen GENSHOU, then looks up at the giant Russian. He starts yelling, screaming and pointing at him. Out of nowhere, he slowly grabs at his ninja mask...and rips it off to reveal a wrestling mask designed like the Russian flag! He points at GENSHOU and yells "KILL!" COLE What has happened?!?!? Levitzsky pulls GENSHOU up by the hair, lifts him up with a gutwrench into a high-angle powerbomb! Referees start running out to the ring, as Zane pulls GENSHOU back up by the tights. He Irish whips him off to the ropes, then tosses him up into the air and catches him into the fireman's carry slam he hit at the end of the match! The referees are yelling at him to leave the ring, and the masked man tells him to stop and pulls him out of the ring, as the officials swarm GENSHOU's unconcious body. COACH I'm utterly and completely confused. One day, GENSHOU is the most dangerous new commodity in the OAOAST in a long time and...well, now we have this Soviet juggernaut! COLE DOUBLE-YOU TEE EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF COLE Indeed. Coach, switching gears, I just want to remind our fans in the Los Angeles area that even if you weren't one of the lucky hundred thousand to get tickets to OAOAST Anglemania, you can still purchase seats at the Staples Center to watch the big show with eighteen thousand other screaming OAOAST maniacs! Log on to OAOAST.com for more details. But for now stay tuned for more HeldDOWN because we've got the Heartland Title contract signing between Alfdogg and Sandman coming up. And if you'll excuse me Coach, I think I have to go fetch my riot gear. COMMERCIAL

yeaaaaaaaaah the mainevent already got called for the Torneo Cibernetico III

ya, we were just in ohio, smh the whiteman is fukkin up, b

Battle of chicks from the GOAT city Los Angeles, need catchier title, perhaps a GOAT title Alix Maria Spezia W/Mackenzie DeCenzo Vs Krista Isadora Duncan