Patty O'Green

Joe Louis arena home of the Detroit Red Wings, but not the Pistons, they play in the Palace of Auburn Hills. CALL THE MAINEVENT AND GET YA LIFE SLOWED. I AIN'T FUCKIN AROUND.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: February 14th, 2007 First air date: February 17h, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Welcoming us insomniacs and drug bingers was as always Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone. They ran down our card which featured Mad Cappa taking on Vinny Valentine, CPA against Brock Ausstin, Faqu Vs Jamie O'Hara, and appearances from Los Conquestiadors and ThunderKid. *** The Disco Duck Vinny Valentine Vs Mad Cappa*** Unable to take part in his scheduled rematch against Mad Cappa, a somber Vinny Valentine was pushed out on a wheelchair by his cousin Tony Tourettes. Through painful tears and cracking voice, Valentine lamented his injury at the hands of Mad Cappa two weeks ago on this very show. He tugged on our heartstrings when he informed us of the depressing news that he was unable to make the weekly disco and prostate cancer awareness night at the Y due to his injuries, and that when “We Are Family” came on at the local FYE, all he could do is sorrowfully nod his head to the beat. Perhaps worst of all, he assured us he could in no way compete on Syndicated. But not to worry my ever shrinking viewership! Vinny found a suitable replacement, none other then his old mentor, friend, and possible lover, Belarus' emperor of disco, VINCIK VALENTINISHKOV! Vincik Valentinishkov was what Cousin It from the Adam's Family hat might look like if he was dipped in Little Richard's relaxer, skull fucked by Gloria Gaynor, styled to look like Cher's gown from the 86 oscars, and then kicked off the set of Thriller. Somehow the outrageous appearance of his foe didn't spur Cappa to ask for his immediate release, and he went into battle with the Belorussian with earnest fervor. Valentinishkov wasn't much of an opponent for Cappa, being brutalized from the onset by Cappa's intense technical based assault. Valentinishkov was able to stage a very minor comeback through the use of an eye rake. His attempts to put Cappa down with backslides and other sneaky pin efforts were hardly a success, though, and Cappa ended his offense with a Cappa Bomb. Valentinishkov suffered through several more high level throws such as The Fall From Grace and a reverse DDT, before he was finally put away by the BUST A CAP. Winner: The Mad Cappa, via pinfall After the match, Vinny Valentine, ignoring his injuries, dived into the ring with his folded up wheelchair in tow. His obvious plan was to bash Cappa's skull in, but the DC native was well prepared for Vinny's approach and floored him with a Spinebuster! The Disco Duck's punishment for his crimes continued when Cappa Cappabombed him onto the wheelchair. As Vinny was carried to the back by the ever responsive Rescue 911, he softly and sadly sung “I Will Survive” During commercial viewers saw a preview for the upcoming Look of Love airing on VH1. Feeling that the current crop of competitors aren't worthy of her daughter's love (and they aren't even Jewish!), Krista's mother, Genevieve, adds five new girls into the house. And you can bet they've had their Batmitzvahs, damn it! "No more horrible Shishkas for my little carpet muncher, they're making me chaloshes, darling!" She proclaims. Needless to say, what's left of the original group is outraged beyond all belief. The suddenly warring old school and new school get a chance to exercise their aggressions in a rather violent manner, as Krista pits them against each other in a game of hockey netminded by former LA Kings' goalies Kelly Hurdey and Felix Potvin. And Tony Tourettes, somehow still not eliminated, gets heartbreaking news about his candidacy for archbishop. ***ThunderKid Vs Spencer Reiger*** Spencer Reiger was obviously no match for ThunderKid, but that didn't dissuade him from requesting all sorts of concessions from referee and foe alike. He demanded that Kid be throughly pat down for illegal weaponry, and then supplied his own cup for on site drug testing. Needless to say Spencer's big mouth talked him into a terrible ass whupping as the Green Bay native viciously and violently mauled the Orlando born youngster. Reiger had absolutely no answer for the barrage of suplexs he was hit with and fell victim to the Scorpion deathdrop! Winner: ThunderKid via pinfall A brief hype video for Anglemania was displayed, listing the two currently announced matches of Zack Malibu against Bohemoth, and PRL versus Popick for the World Title. Viewers were encouraged to log onto OAOAST.com to find out how they can win tickets for Anglemania Seven in Los Angeles! ***FAQU W/Nate Black, and Megan Skye Vs Jamie O'Hara*** Pre-match efforts by 90 year old referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to direct the non-wrestling contingent of LI back to locker room were met with horrific failure; Faqu blazed past the distracted official and mowed down O'Hara with a thrust kick. Taken by surprise, and off his feet by the high impact strike, O'Hara was at an immediate disadvantage. For several minutes he was pummeled without mercy from the maniacal savage, who utilized a variety of headbutts, and open handed attacks. Seeking to put O'Hara out of this contest, and possibly the OAOAST entirely, Faqu cruelly tried to Samoan drop him out the ring. However, the Englander evaded certain disaster by landing on the apron. A springboard inverted hurricana bought him some time on the attack, and he gave Faqu everything he had. Matching his trademark high flying moves against Faqu's displays of power, O'Hara nearly gained a pinfall victory on several occasions. However, O'Hara's success was eternally snuffed out when he retreated to the corner to climb up the turnbuckles for a block buster. There his archival Black struck, clutching onto O'Hara's Nike Trainer's and refusing to let go. While J-Oh struggled to win his freedom, Faqu sprung to sudden life. With a roar that could level a city block, he charged the rail thin youth and flattened him into dust with a body splash. As Black laughed deliriously, Faqu replayed the same maneuver. A third splash sent blood spilling from O'Hara's nose, and sagged his lifeless figure to the mat. Though that would've been enough to keep O'Hara down for three days, nevermind three seconds, Faqu couldn't resist one last bit of violence and finished O'Hara off with the Death By Samoan double underhook piledriver. Winner: Faqu via pinfall. After the match a throughly satisfied Black entered the ring simply to spit on his KO'ed archenemy. Backstage, viewers saw Leon Rodez making good use of his A+ in second grade by designing a glitter and dry macaroni decorated Get Well Card for Melody Nerdly. This captured the attention of the nearby Vitamin X, who snidely noted that if Leon was pouring this much effort into a get well card for Melody he must've gotten a great gift for Maggie for Valentine's Day. Leon's horrified response, “OH LAWDS ME HAS FORGET TEH VALENTINE'S DAY11~!!”. When the eternal shit disturber Molly Nerdly strolled onto the scene to question why Leon wasn't around to care for Maggie after she was diamond cuttered by Alix on HD, the usually chatty superstar was strangely mute. 'Cause you know it's over, Before it began, Keep your drink just give me the money It's just you and your hand tonight. ***Christopher Patrick Allen Vs Brock Ausstin*** The battle between muscled swine began with the two men gladly trying their hands at carving up each other's faces with furious strikes. The makeshift boxing match came to a close before any blood could be drawn when Brock suddenly lifted Allen up and drove him clear across the ring into the corner post. Though delivered with Herculean force, the move didn't do much to hamper CPA, and he captured Brock by surprise with a snap powerslam. Unyielding in his assault, Allen picked Brock apart with several strikes to the back, all designed to set-up a front spine buster. But, when it came time to execute the telegraphed hold, Brock was up to the challenge of defeating it, matching CPA's efforts with a spine buster of his own. Then it was Brock's opportunity to punish his rival, and punish him he did with lariats, shoulder blocks and belly to belly suplexs galore. However, The Current Big Thing could not maintain his offense for very long, and CPA stymied a F-Stunner-5 attempt simply by punching his way to freedom. Dazed by the ex-boxer's strikes, Ausstin was an easy target CPA's finisher The Dominator. The earth shaking assault spelled doom for Brock and victory for Allen. Winner: CPA via pinfall As the show went to commercial, Allen arrogantly puffed on a victory cigar and celebrated by mocking Brock's happy hoss dance. Another hype video for Anglemania was showcased, this one featuring Alfdogg who talked up the importance and honor that goes with maineventing an Anglemania. For ten seconds. The other fifty seconds of the video were singularly devoted to Alf's bitter ramblings on the fact that CWM has never mainevented an Anglemania, whereas not only has Alf mainevented the biggest show of the year, he has also done it in front of none other then Mister Donald Trump. BOOYAH! Backstage Los Conquistadors contemplate the very, very, very unlikely possibility that one of them may be Krista Isadora Duncan's child, and thus may escape a lifetime of humiliating servitude to the OAOAST. Ha! Unfortunately their thoughts and ponderings stirred the ire of gods both near and malevolent. Thick billows of red and black smoke engulfed the now darkened hallway, and Prince's Black Sweat emerged from dimensions beyond the great void. Like warnings from a vengeful god, MISTER WARRIOR'S voice thundered across the area. The angry WARRIOR reminded the cowering jobbers that he is the “creator of lifeblood for all unworthy abnormals, the mother's demon womb and father's Jesus sperm, who will power the mothership with the souls of disloyal abnormals, and fill its passenger list with his chosen warrior spawn.” “So does that make Uno and Dos Warrior's grandkids, and Krista his daughter?.” Jesse scoffs, while Tony hides underneath the desk. ***MISTER WARRIOR Vs Los Conquistadors*** Kick. Punch. Man Event Spinebuster. Winner: MISTER WARRIOR, via being god. After the match, Mister Warrior rushed to the top of the entrance stage, and with the climbing skills of highly dexterous chimp scaled to the ceiling of the entrance set. Surrounded by a chaotic swirl of red smoke and flashing pink lights, he brought the audience to their feet and to the highest throes of excitement with a cry of "Speak to me, SUUUUUUUUUUUPERMAAAAAAANIACS!!!!”, and disappeared behind his smoky cloak. As the closing credits rolled, viewers were left to wonder if that really happened or was it all a bad acid trip.

all i wanted was one more non wrestling segment. Can't you savages at least give that to me??

COLE It's now time for our main-event, so let's take it up to Michael Buffer for the introductions. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is your OAOAST HeldDOWN~! main-event of the evening, scheduled for one fall with television time remaining! "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche hits and a shower of sparks rains down on Todd Cortez as he marches out from the back. Cortez soaks in the moment for a second before heading for the ring. BUFFER Introducing first. Tonight, he must avoid defeat or be forced to join the ranks of his bitter rival's Cucaracha Internacional stable. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez scales the ropes and throws two very determined arms up in the air, before he takes off his gold chain and cross, kissing them and passing them over to the referee. COLE Todd Cortez has been waiting for this match since August 16th in Honolulu, Hawaii. On that night, Cortez got his first shot at the OAOAST World Title, but was unable to defeat Landon Maddix. He was left bloodied, beaten and hospitalised on that night. Since then Cortez has been a thorn in Landon's side however, all of which has earned him this rematch, simply because Landon has had enough and wants to force his former tag team partner back to his side! COACH It's the best thing for everyone concerned Michael. Cortez was seduced into thinking he'd be better off on his own and we all know how that turned out. Maddix is just trying to put the world back to rights. COLE So nothing to do with the repeated Riot Act Pluses he's suffered the past few months? COACH Added bonus. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" All eyes turn back to the entrance way as "Megalomaniac" powers through the PA system, including those of Todd Cortez. The Urban Legend doesn't look entirely surprised either as not only Landon and not only Megan, but also Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu emerge! With a smug grin on his face, Landon poses with the members of Cucaracha Internacional assembled behind him. BUFFER And his opponent. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE! He is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, aiming to bring his former tag team partner back to his side. From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred, eight pounds... the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... LLLAAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Maddix's smug look isn't to last though. As he and his merry band of friends reach the ring they're confronted by referee Earl Hebner who in no uncertain terms tells Landon the match is going to be one on one. And to ensure that, he shows the rest of Cucaracha Internacional the way to the back!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH What!? COLE Great call by Earl Hebner! No good can come of having Black, Blonde and especially Faqu at ringside. A further group of referees head out to make sure the unwanted Cucaracha Internacional members leave as Landon protests in vain, claiming that he just wants Todd to see what he's about to join up with. Hebner is hearing none of it though and Black is guided away, Blonde quickly making sure Faqu does the same as he grows restless with all the referees crowded around him. COLE Well, it looks like Megan's going to stay, but at least the other three are gone. Not that I'd put anything past Megan, but she has a manager's license, so... COACH Besides, you can't seperate Megan from Landon. Not so soon after Valentine's Day! Landon tries to hide his disappointment and enters the ring, watching as his back-up is whisked away. He then turns to Cortez who leans in the opposite corner waiting patiently for the bell to ring. He has to wait for Landon to get rid of his ring gear though, slicking back his hair and sharing some last words of advise with Megan. Or, stalling, for short. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" With the crowd getting restless, Landon finally decides he's ready to go. *DINGDINGDING!* The two circle, before much to Cortez's surprise Maddix extends his hand looking for a handshake! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE How disingenuous. COACH Dis... come on Michael, this is a show of sportmanship. Applaud that man! Cortez looks understandably dubious and refuses the hand. Shrugging, Landon continues to claim he was being genuine as they circle again. Both Landon and Cortez drop into fighting stances and look for an opening. Cagey, both tease a kick put pull out, before Landon finally gambles. Todd avoids the kick and Landon quickly drops back into the stance. Again he kicks for the leg, but again is evaded. And Landon brief foray into the mixed martial arts before it's began, as Cortez cracks him in the back of the leg with a kick! A second! And a third, sweeping La Cucaracha's feet from underneath him! Landon quickly crawls to the ropes and ducks through to buy himself time to recover, Cortez forced to keep back. COLE A lot of history between these two men, dating back to late 2004 in the SWF. Megan rubs some feeling back into the thigh muscles of her man trying to get him back to 100%. Cortez sees this as time-wasting and goes after Landon, but Hebner steps in between. COLE And plenty of that history revolves around that young lady there. COACH What she ever saw in that piece of street trash Cortez, I'll never know. I mean, look at Landon. Grrrrowl! No homo. Finally Maddix is massaged into health and ready to go again. This time he locks up with Cortez, collar and elbow tie-up. After a tussle for position Landon manages to turn Cortez against the turnbuckles, forcing a break. Which, much to Cortez's surprise, Landon gives cleanly. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Clean break. Uncharacteristic. COACH He's showing sportmanship, a nice clean wrestling match with his future understudy. He doesn't want to hurt Todd unneccessarily. After tonight, they'll be back to being the best of friends after all. COLE Oh, of course. Another lock-up sees Cortez backing Landon into the corner this time. Again the referee steps in and Maddix tells Todd to give him a clean break, just like he had seconds earlier. Cortez is thoroughly tempted to club him in the mouth and shut him up. But he gives the clean break all the same. Landon grins smugly and pats Cortez on the shoulder, the camera picking up him saying "see, how easy it is to do what I tell you to do..." *SLAP!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" ...and Cortez DOES shut him up this time, slapping him in the face! COACH HEY! Cortez takes the shell-shocked Maddix by the arm, whipping him across the ring and into the opposite corner. The Urban Legend follows in with a clothesline, then snapmares Landon to the mat and CRACKS him in the spine with a hard kick! Writhing in pain, Landon finds his way back to his knees and begs off, pleading for him to listen to reason. So Cortez cracks him in the chest with a kick! Maddix has had enough of this and ducks his head between the ropes looking for a reprieve. So Cortez cracks him in the ASS with a kick, sending Landon to the floor! COLE Rarely has the term 'ass kicking' been quite so literal! Over scuttles Megan to check on her man. He's again in need of a massage and lucky lady that she is, Megan knows just where it's required. But she gets let off the hook by Cortez as he launches himself over the top with a PESCADO, wiping Landon out! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Throwing Landon back inside, Cortez keeps a close eye on Megan as he follows him back in. Maddix pulls himself back up and turns around, right into a Crotch Droppah across the knee! COLE Ooh. I think Maddix is in need of another 'massage' after that one. COACH Who can blame the guy? Before he can get over to Megan however, Maddix gets caught and popped with a German Suplex! 1... 2... NO! In complete control, Cortez measures Landon back to his feet... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops him back across the ring! Maddix falls into the ropes and Cortez follows in, sending him across the ring with an irish whip. On the rebound, Cortez nails Landon with a Spinning Wheel Kick and makes another cover... 1... 2... No! COLE We thought back in Honolulu that Maddix had ruined the notion that Todd Cortez was his 'bogey opponent', but it certainly doesn't seem that way at the moment. COACH Hold your roll Michael. The match has barely got going, give him a chance! Again Cortez measures Landon, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else but Montreal right about now. Hands up all ready to beg off, he turns around and gets cracked in the back of the thigh with another kick! Landon's knee buckles... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and he takes a chop to the chest. The force of the chop knocks him off his feet and down to his knees, again throwing his hands up to try and stop Cortez. But when that doesn't work, he resorts to the old stand-by, the thumb to the eye! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE So much for the 'fair wrestling match' with his soon to be 'friend', eh? COACH All part of the grand scheme. Temporarily blinded, Cortez stumbles around the ring. Maddix breathes a sigh of relief that he's not currently on the end of a BUTT-kicking before he goes after Cortez. By the arm he drags him around into a forearm shot. And a second. An irish whip then sends Cortez off the ropes, into a back elbo... no, Todd ducks that, bouncing back into a clothesli... no, Todd ducks that too. Third time is the charm though and Landon goes up with a dropkick. Cortez doesn't duck this time, but he goes one better and grabs the top rope, stopping his momentum and causing Landon to crash empty-handed to the canvas. COLE Was that part of the 'grand scheme' too? Clutching his back, into a boot walks Landon, Cortez pulling him in for the RIOT ACT PLU... NO! Maddix immediately senses the danger and scrambles for a corner the moment Cortez lays a hand on him! COLE Maddix HAS to steer clear of that Riot Act Plus. We can't even begin to list the times in the past few months that Cortez has laid him out with that very move. COACH That move should be banned. Cortez doesn't waste time dwelling on it and rushes at Landon in the corner... ...but he gets a knee up, catching Cortez right in the ear! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Urban Legend staggers backwards as Maddix reaches back, grabbing the top rope and lifting himself up to the second floor. The knee caught Cortez flush and so busy is he trying to get some bearing back on where he is, Cortez doesn't notice Landon coming off the ropes, hooking the head and driving him straight down with a Flying DDT from the 2nd rope!! COACH There we go! COLE Finally, the former World Champion gets a grip on this match. And that may be all he needs... Rolling Todd over, Landon reaches back and hooks a leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Only two but the momentum has turned. Landon climbs back up, watching Cortez try to use the ropes to get up and preventing him from doing so with a foot in the back, choking him on the bottom rope! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" 'Clean' break again by Landon, profusely apologising to Hebner as he gets on his case to keep it clean. He promises to do so as he pins Cortez against the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...laying into him with a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and another. A straight right hand to the face then drops Cortez to a knee, again earning a reprimand from the senior referee of the OAOAST. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COACH I thought these people spoke French!? Trying not to let the chants get to him Landon stays on Cortez, shooting him off the ropes. This time Cortez does bounce back into a successful Dropsault, Landon straight on him with a cover... 1... 2... No! With a few words for Hebner, Landon pulls Cortez back up... *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...and gets lashed with a HARD knifedge! COACH Listen to the girls, just screaming for Landon! They love him the world over! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Uh... Coach, I think that's LANDON screaming. Again the wailing Landon goes to the eyes though, buying himself time to rub at his reddening chest while Cortez clutches his eyes. Maddix looks angry now, taking it out on Cortez with a couple of forearms before shooing the ref out of the way and hitting the ropes. Wiping out his eyes, Cortez just about sees Landon coming in time to sidestep him though, guiding him into the ropes for an O'Connor Roll... 1... 2... Kickout by Landon, sending Cortez sprawling back towards the ropes. He stops his momentum and turns around, where Landon is waiting with a Hurri-Lanra... NO, CORTEZ SITS OUT WITH A POWERBOMB!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! Cortez holds his head, thinking that was it. COLE Oh! So close! Megan has her heart in her mouth right about now. COACH Oh boy, does she ever! COLE Back up, Cortez peppers the legs with kicks again before double Maddix over with a thrust kick buried deep in the gut. The Urban Legend then hooks Landon up and drives him back with a Russian Legsweep, rolling through to his feet and immediately drops a leg across the throat for good measure. Not done yet though, Cortez jumps over Landon and backflips, with a Standing Moonsault... NOBODY HOME! Cortez belly-flops into the canvas and clambers back up, getting caught with the CUCARACHA CUTTER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Welcome home, Cortez! Dusting his hands in satisfaction, Landon covers up Cortez... 1... 2... NO!! Landon can't believe it either and is much less shy about letting Hebner know about it. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" COLE Look at that look on Landon's face. You think he may be getting that sinking feeling? That feeling that maybe, just maybe, he can't beat Todd Cortez after all? COACH What are you talking about, he beat him in Hawaii! COLE Not without a little 'assistance' from the ringpost he didn't. Having had his fill of arguing with the ref, Landon waves Cortez back to his feet ready to finish him off properly this time. Todd pulls himself up and Landon lunges in, throwing a kick. Sweeping the foot away, Cortez avoids it though, pushing Maddix into the ropes and hitting him with a Sitout Spinebuster dead centre of the ring! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE The pace has not so much quickened as gone off the scale right about now. These two have just degenerated into throwing everything they've got, all the big moves in their repetoire, at each other in an attempt to get that three. Both men sense they're one move away from what they set out to achieve tonight. As Maddix climbs back up, Cortez waits on him in the corner. Past La Cucaracha he rushes, coming off the ropes at the side and lunging at Landon with the HOLLOW PPOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII... ...NO! Maddix LEAPFROGS him! And he catches Todd with a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! First up, Cortez slides behind Maddix and pulls him down with a Backslide... 1... 2... No! Maddix is first up this time and he grabs Cortez by the head... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* ...unloading with Kawada kicks right to the bridge of The Urban Legend's nose! COLE That might not be a ringpost, but it may not matter tonight. After the third kick Landon waves his hands wildly, saying that he's going to finish it, running the ropes. Cortez surprises him by jumping up to his feet though, catching him with a hand around the throat for the Urban Assault! Not keen on that idea, Maddix attacks the arm with shots to the arm, before laying in a succession of elbows to the side of the head to break the goozle. Once he's free of the choke, Landon then hooks the head and runs for the ropes. He scales the turnbuckles... ...and gets thrown over the top, Cortez countering the Shiranui attempt... ...but MISSING a Superkick as Landon lands! Cortez slams on the brakes just short of colliding with Hebner, turning around into the waiting arms of La Cucaracha. A Complete Shot drives Cortez face-first into the mat, Landon rolling over on impact and hooking up the head for the dragon clutch!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE LAND OF NOD!! He's got it locked in! COACH And when Cortez wakes up, he'll be back home. There's no place like home... there's no place like home... ther... Sitting back on the hold, Maddix realises too late how close he is to the ropes. No time to re-position now though, Maddix trying to put Todd away before he can force a break. Cortez wags a finger to show he's still very much in this match, despite the yells from the outside to quit by Megan, the yells from above him to quit from Landon. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" Hearing the support of the crowd, Cortez reaches out... ...but he MISSES the bottom rope by inches, before Landon pulls back on the head! COACH Come on Cortez, give in! Why is he fighting the best thing to possibly happen in his career? COLE Because I don't think anyone but Landon honestly believes that it's a positive move! Cortez gets his forearms underneath him and manages to shuffle forward a couple of inches. And as Landon shakes his head, fearing the worst, he reaches out again... ...AND GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking the hold angrily, Landon stomps away refuses to believe that Cortez would escape. So frustrated is he that he physically moves Hebner out of the way as he goes back after Cortez. Maddix slides out of the ring and brings Cortez with him, holding onto the arms and positioning himself around the ringpost. COLE Oh no, not this again! He put Cortez out with this in Honolulu! Maddix refuses to listen to Hebner's pleas to rethink what he's doing, gripping onto the wrists and preparing... COLE Come on damnit! What good is Cortez going to be to Cucaracha Internacional with a concussion!? ...yelling something at The Urban Legend before pulling him forward... ...NO! Cortez gets his foot up onto the post and BLOCKS a face-first collision with the steel!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Maddix's eyes bulge as Cortez continues to block, ripping his arms away from Landon's and chasing after him, rightfully pissed at his attempts to injure him. In scrambles Landon, waiting as Cortez slides in after him. Cortez ducks the right hand though, goozling Landon on the turn and HITTING THE URBAN ASSAULT!! COLE COUNT! 1... 2... 3- SHOULDER UP!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Crawling for the ropes, it seems Landon has had enough. Cortez, however, has not and grabs him by the waistband of the shorts to prevent him going anywhere in a hurry. COLE Uh-oh. I think Maddix may have made a HUGE mistake and he might be about to be read the Riot Act! COACH So injuring someone with a piledriver is okay!? Cortez drags the pleading Landon to his feet. A boot to the gut doubles him up, Cortez dragging him into a standing headscissors and... ...going nowhere, as MEGAN GRABS ONTO HIS FOOT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, what a surprise! That's the only counter Maddix knows. Able to kick Megan off though, Cortez drives a knee to the side of the head to keep Landon subdued and re-asserts the standing headscissors, tumbling overhead and... ...coming down hard, WITH LANDON ON TOP AS MEGAN GRABS HIS FOOT!! COLE WAIT! 1... MEGAN CLINGS ON FOR DEAR LIFE! 2... AND HEBNER DOESN'T SEE IT! 3!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE AW, you've got to be KIDDING me!! *DINGDINGDING!* Pulled out of the ring, Landon embraces his sweet Valentine and the woman that just saved his ass as "Megalomaniac" cues up again. Sitting up, Cortez holds the back of his head with the slow realisation of what has just happened. He turns and sees Landon and Megan already halfway up the ramp, Landon delighted and rubbing salt in the wounds by pointing out very clearly that he and Megan are once again his partners! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... LLLAAAANDOOON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And as a result, Todd Cortez is now a part of Cucaracha Internacional! Unbelievable! Landon and Megan embrace again as Todd tries to contain his anger up in the ring. COACH Oh, what a homecoming! The OAOAST's very own Kanye West and Chris Martin! COLE No prizes for guessing which is which either. Climbing to his feet, Cortez hangs his head on the ropes as Landon waves from the aisleway. To his fans first and then to Todd, mouthing the words "WELCOME BACK, BUDDY!" as clearly as possible, which earns a cold stare from his on-again, off-again, now on-again tag team partner. COLE What a night in Montreal. A fantastic edition of HeldDOWN~!, albeit it with a somewhat downer of an ending. We promised the OAOAST's direct course would be dramatically altered tonight and it certainly has. Where do we go from here? Well, Detroit! Same time, different day, we'll see you next Thursday for the fallout from tonight. Goodnight everyone! *FADE OUT!*

PRESENTED IN HD The criminally underrated Ultimate Victory along with the fancifully produced intro video welcomes thousands millions of viewers across this fair land to the greatest send up of a professional wrestling show in television history, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! As the video draws to a close with Zack Malibu standing atop a cliff glaring over his shoulder we're brought to the logo, which a certain someone said he'd redesign! Skipping past the opening fireworks and preamble that plauge other wrestling performances, our view cuts straight to the announcers, who wear matching khaki pants and orange polo shirts. Its so cute when couples dress alike! COLE Folks, Michael Cole on hand with Johnathan Coachman for the biggest HeldDOWN of the year! Never mind there only being six other shows, and most of them only had two or three matches, this show is big! Enormous even, and its a true pleasure to be able to call it. In our main event of the evening, Landon Maddix will look to best his old partner Todd Cortez and force his service in La Cucaracha International! Though Landon has the accolades and the titles behind him, you still have to think Cortez has a great chance for victory. COACH Get ya non thinking ass into the ladies washroom and gab about bitches wear at the Grammys, you don't know nothing bout no wrestling. Landon Maddix runs his own wrestling company, has held both SWF and OAOAST world titles, and leads the stable that turned the careers of James Blonde, Faqu, and Nate Black around. Todd Cortez has a nice finisher. Homeboy bout to get tooled on. Gonna go crawling back to Landon like Varjeo to the Cavs. Bron Bron oughta smack Sideshow Bob up. COLE Be that as it may, we will also see Tha Puerto Rican fighting for a main event slot at Anglemania and his career, as he takes one time ally Spanish Fly in the first ever Ultimate X match in HeldDOWN~! history! Amazing! COACH Yo, homeboy done. He done, son. Take ya rock impersonating ass to the indys where your sorry kind belongs. No respect goes to a dude taking the next man's hustle. COLE Hmmmm. In addition to that The Beverly Hills Blonds make their first HeldDOWN appearance of 2008. Unfortunately its against mult time angle award winner, Krista Isadora Duncan! And we also have our two conference final matches in the Anderson Cup! Very huge! Any last minute predictions? COACH You hexagon mouthed bitch your pussy is single handedly keeping mexico's economy above the poverty line. LA RAZA! COLE I have a very dainty, femininely formed mouth, I'll have you know. Folks, let's go to the ring for the start of the show! BUFFER The following non-title match is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, from the Palmetto State… COACH South Carolina for all you idiots out there. BUFFER …Casey O’Neil and Scott Sampson! Sampson and O’Neil heel it up to a chorus of BOOS, which quickly become CHEERS as "Thriller" by Fall Out Boy cues in the background. BUFFER Their opponents, from San Antonio, Texas, total combine weight 487 pounds, the One & Only tag team champions of the world... JOCK MULLIGAN and BARON WINDELS… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE As the premier tag team in the sport today head to the square circle, let’s hear for the first time since Anglepalooza from Melody Nerdly in this pre-recorded message. * SWOOSH * We cut to Melody with an XBOX 360 controller in one hand and bowl of ice cream on her lap as she rests comfortably on her bed surrounded by stuffed animals and flowers. MELODY Hey everybody. After letting me into your homes every week for the past year now I’m letting you into mine! Sucks that I can’t be there live supporting Jock and Baron, but I want you all to know even though I’m still a bit shaken up from what happened at Anglepalooza I’m doing fine. I’ve spent my downtime playing video games, illegally downloading music and reading all the kind messages left on my MySpace page. As for when I’ll be back I don’t know…but I will be back! * SWOOSH * COACH Do the world a favor and stay home. As the video concludes, the Gunslingers bum-rush the ring and beat the snot out of Sampson and O’Neil, pummeling them with Texas sized right hands. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Oh, man. Here they go! This match signed to give Jock and Baron the opportunity to release some steam and they’re doing just that. COACH These guys are a menace to society, Mikey. Forget Britney. 5150 the Lone Star Gunslingers. Sampson and O’Neil are whipped in and back dropped. They pop up only to get knocked right back down courtesy of stereo dropkicks. Out to the floor goes Sampson, leaving O’Neil at the mercy of Jock and Baron, who send him in for the ride… ARKANSAS TOOTHPICK! COACH Inexperienced as they are, Casey O’Neil and Scott Sampson aren’t a couple of lightweights in there. They’re big guys. What would you say, Cole -- about 6’1, 6’2 respectively? COLE I’d say that’s about right. Motivated by Melody and fueled by anger the Lone Star Gunslingers are. And we certainly send our best to Melody who’s back home watching like millions of others on TSM. The cover! ONE… TWO… NO! The Gunslingers aren’t done yet. Baron rams Casey into the buckle and tags Jock. Irish whip, and O’Neil gets caught with the Texas Twister’s RUNNING BUTT THUMP! COLE BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS!! Jock covers, but he rolls off as Sampson DROPS THE ELBOW ON HIS PARTNER! “YEAH!” SAMPSON Baron decks Sampson with a right and the Gunslingers take care of him with a double big boot, or LOLLERSKATES! COACH Hey ref, there’s only supposed to be 2 guys in the ring at a time. We’ve got both Gunslingers in there. With Sampson out of the picture, the Gunslingers easily (LONE STAR) LASSO O’Neil for the… ONE.. TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the One & Only World tag team champions… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The celebration is short-lived as THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS strike. Logan Mann comes off the top with a DOUBLE KNEEDROP ONTO JOCK, while Synth WHACKS BARON WITH A BASEBALL BAT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE DAMN THEM! COACH The Heavenly Rockers delivering their own brand of justice here, Cole, beating the Gunslingers with the very bat they attacked them with last week. Logan shoves the referee out to the floor before spiking Jock head-first into the canvas with a PERCUSSION DDT! Baron receives a double dose as the Heavenly Rockers drop him on his skull. COLE Somebody needs to come out here and stop this. Where’s the help, damnit?! Synth pins Jock’s arm down with his foot as Logan winds up to bat… “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” …but they hightail it as the CHRIST AIR EXPRESS, the brothers of Melody Nerdly, hit the ring armed with STEEL CHAIRS. COLE Thank God for MARV and Mel. The Heavenly Rockers were going to break Jock’s arm and would’ve done so had it not been… COACH For those measly Nerdlys, the Christ Air Express. Shouldn’t they be worried about their Anderson Cup match later on? COLE What a chaotic scene we have out here. Fans, we’ll try to restore order after this brief timeout, and when we come back, we'll hear from The Billion Dollar Heir Theodore Moneymaker! Stay with us! COMMERCIAL The return from the commercial break brings us to the backstage area, where Terry Taylor, in the official Anglemania baseball jersey, stands beside Enterprise CEO, Theodore Moneymaker, dressed for impressively in a flashy baby blue suit. TAYLOR Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this moment is the Billion Dollar Heir Theodore Moneymaker, soon to be competing against the Sooner Bruisers in his huge conference final Anderson Cup match. But, bigger then that, because it affects your bank account, you've recently completed the surprising purchase of Miss Spezia's Sweeties cookie company from Alix. Many of us saw your press conference earlier this week and read the articles in the newspapers and heard you speak on CNBC, but I was wondering if you might give the OAOAST viewers some insight into the mega sale. MONEYMAKER Another day, another HeldDOWN, eh Terry? This person doesn't like this person, that person wants to fight this person, on and on it proceeds and the mindless masses gobble it up like a pack of strays gobble out a tossed out bag of snausages. Then they wag their little tails and sit stupid eyed waiting for more. What interesting high level dramas we're exposed to in the OAOAST. What boring, mundane, humdrum petty dramas we're exposed to in the OAOAST. Terry Taylor, what separates me from the faceless pack of useless OAOAST characters is that I exist in the real world first and foremost. When HeldDOWN ends Theodore Moneymaker doesn't shut down and magically come back to life the following Thursday. Theodore Moneymaker is a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly event that's making moves in the real world. Big moves. The kind of moves nobody in the Moneymaker family has ever had the balls to make! If you asked them if they'd plunk down the cash needed to buy Miss Spezia's Sweeties, they'd flatout say no. Not because they don't have it, just because its owner is a lesbian and a liberal. Worse then doing business with a dyed in the wool Green Party voting Satanist. Not me. I have my beliefs, but I also my intellect! I know where the real enemy lies. The real enemy lies in not continually pushing yourself for more. That's why I cant respect these guys like The Love Doctors or Rescue 911, they're doing the same thing now that they were doing last year. Jack shit. BWAHHHAHHHAHA. You've got to be pushing for more, don't you see. Continually trying to be the best. With the purchase of Miss Spezia's Sweeties I keep on pushing. TAYLOR But wouldn't you say your ability to buy the company maybe has something to do with Alix's alerted state of mind? Alix loves that place and it makes a lot of money, I find it hard to believe she'd ever sell it to you if she were thinking clearly. MONEYMAKER Explain your accusation, so I know why I'm going to have to choke you unconscious. BWHAHAHAHA! TAYLOR Well, lately published reports have described her behavior as erratic, strange, and exhibiting signs of poor mental health. Poorer, I should say. She's just got her big time record deal, and she's already replaced her agent, won't speak to the publicist the label assigned to her, and allegedly holed herself up in her home in LA for three days, refusing to go to the studio then showed up without any explanation as to her whereabouts. And I'd hate to bring this up, but there's reports that's she's been seen engaged in illegal drug use at clubs around her hometown of Los Angeles. MONEYMAKER Allegedly, reports, speculations. Do you have any understanding of the meaning behind these words? They are baseless ponderings without any root in factual occurrence. If her behavior were erratic, if her mental health was in even more unstable condition, do you not think, I, as her financial manager and appointed caretaker of her estate would have her hospitalized? If she really did refuse to speak to her publicist wouldn't that set off alarm bells that a woman who's been signed for one month is making enormous stink? Think about that, Terry Taylor. With the proliferation of paparazzi around the Los Angeles area don't you think you might possibly, perhaps, just maybe see some pictures of her in a club, actually doing drugs out in the open? And then don't you think we might see further pictures of her being carted off to rehab? Alix sold me her baby because she is aware there is no better man to take the company to the highest level of success. She hasn't the time or the will to micromanage its every nuance, she is now busy with recording her surefire smash hit album, Beauty Crush. If I were you Terry Taylor, that's where my focus on Alix Maria Spezia would be. Not on these sad, sad lies.You want to achieve some respectability beyond being the mid level announcer on a mid level tv show aimed at mid level minds? Keep your focus on Alix's CD, Beauty Crush. But most of all keep it away from malicious rumors spread by Krista isadora Duncan and her camp of rabid cretins. TAYLOR You can't be serous, you think Krista is spreading rumors about the woman she loves? MONEYMAKER You simple chimp, join me in reality! It happens all the time in these celebrity feuds, don't you know? Britney and K-Fed, Denise and Charlie, Lauren and Heidi, and now Alix and Krista. What these reports you bring up are are nothing besides the shrill bitter minsformation from a scorned shrew angry that her ex-girlfriend is achieving new levels of fame without her. And then there's the fact that Alix told Mackenize of the existence of Krista's child to save Mackenzie's job. Krista wants vengeance and there's no place she won't sink to get it. Of course she'll spend her life making up and feeding these lies. Its what horrible, jealous creatures like her do. I just hope the American public isn't as gullible as the American media. Alix deserves such better treatment. TAYLOR Okay, well, that's your take on the situation. MONEYMAKER There's no take. There's the truth and there's simpleton who can't see the basic logic of society neatly served on an easily digestible platter. Get with it, moron. TAYLOR Very, well. Um, let's talk about The Sooner Bruisers. MONEYMAKER Why? What's the point? I know they've got the audience behind them, but that doesn't validate wasting my time with asking me to speak on them. The fans love to root for the underdog. But so what? Its the American way. At halftime in a big football game when one team is getting their asses kicked inside out, we say a silent prayer, we pray we hope that they'll in someway shape or form turn it around, and beat those cocky sons of bitches, yeah, we love it when someone comes up from behind, and really gives it to those arrogant bastards! But, besides this past Super Bowl how often does that happen? Never. Because you're an underdog for a reason. The Bruisers are microscopic speck of space dust floating aimlessly in the big void of space. But if you look a bit to your left you'll see this huge orange gaseous ball of flames, that's the sun, that's what the earth revolves around. That's The Enterprise, and should the Bruisers venture near it, they will get torched. Burned. Scorched to nothingness. Absolute nothingness, Terry Taylor, do you get me? TAYLOR I think so. Yes, I think so. OAOAST fans stick around because the first of our two conference final matches are coming up! COMING UP NEXT Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Finals ENTERPRISE VS SOONER BRUISERS NEXT COMMERCIAL

OAOAST Event Tracker Is Brought to you by Gillete The Best a Man Can Get February 21, 2008 - Detroit, MI (SOLD OUT) February 28, 2008 (Leap Year Spectacular) - St. Louis, MO (SOLD OUT) March 6, 2008 - Columbus, OH March 13, 2008 - Lafayette, LA (SOLD OUT) “Work itmake itdo itmakes usharderbetterfasterstronger” And with that, the crowd starts booing. Loudly. As “Stronger” by Kanye West plays over the P.A. system, the fans turn their attention to the entrance. Instead of the usual pyro that usually appears once this song starts playing, the entrance doors simply slide open and out walks the Corporate Referee, Thomas Rodriguez, with a Laz-E-Boy recliner in his hands. Rodriguez places the recliner at the far end of the entrance stage and then runs back to the entrance. He comes out 5 seconds later with a stool, which he places near the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Thomas then runs back through the entrance again, coming back out 5 seconds later with a bowl full of grapes. He places the bowl full of grapes on top of the stool. Thomas once again runs backstage and comes back with a red blanket which he places on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Thomas then exits through the sliding doors again. COLE What is Thomas doing? The entrance doors slide open…again…and Thomas once again comes out…with STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK and MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK along with him. The crowd boos loudly. COACH Setting things up for the Popicks, that’s what! The crowd boos louder than before as Popick politely waves to the audience while Lindsay blows kisses. Thomas leads Stephen Joseph and Lindsay to the Laz-E-Boy recliner, Popick carrying the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick carrying the OAOAST Women's Championship belt with her left hand. Stephen Joseph sits on the Laz-E-Boy recliner, with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick taking a seat on her husband’s lap. COLE Well, it looks like the Popicks are going to have a front side seat to this next match-up! COACH As well they should. Seeing as this is the final match of Tha Puerto Rican’s career, they should damn well have a ringside seat! COLE It’s not definite that this is PRL’s last match. COACH Oh, but it will be. It will be. Popick said that PRL’s career ending would be his Valentine’s Day gift to his Lindsay, and it will most certainly be the best Valentine’s Day gift that she EVER received, yup! As “Stronger” continues playing, Thomas Rodriguez runs through the entrance doors again, coming back out with another stool. He places the stool next to the stool holding the bowl of grapes. Rodriguez then runs back, coming back out with a bottle of champagne and two champagne glasses. Thomas places the champagne bottle and the champagne glasses on top of the second stool. COACH They’re gonna pop the champagne when PRL’s career is finished! Thomas Rodriguez runs back through the entrance doors…and comes back out with CUBAN WALL. More boos for the Corporate Wall as Thomas directs him to Popick and Lindsay on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Wall threatens to punch Thomas, telling him he “knows where the damn seat is!” Wall then makes his way over to the Popicks. COLE And it looks like Cuban Wall has a ringside seat too. Remember, his Title shot at AngleMania VII is on the line here! COACH He doesn’t have to worry about losing it though. PRL is as good as finished tonight! Cuban Wall high fives Stephen and Lindsay. The three Corporation members all laugh maniacally, confident that PRL retires tonight. Wall stands next to the married couple looking towards the ring. Lindsay kisses Popick and then feeds him some grapes. COLE So much on the line in this next match-up. The very career of Tha Puerto Rican could be over after tonight! Either that, or PRL is getting what some would say is his much deserved shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania VII on March 30th. COACH He’s done. There ain’t no way he can survive this Ultimate X Match against the ULTIMATE CRUISERWEIGHT! Spanish Fly can outwrestle PRL 999 times out of 1,000. COLE That still leaves 1 time, Coach. COACH So? That 1 time ain’t tonight. This is Spanish Fly’s night. This is the Corporation’s night! Tonight is the last night of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! Thomas checks to make sure everyone is comfortable and then bows his head. Thomas Rodriguez waves goodbye to his fellow Corporation members and then exits through the entrance doors. Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, and Stephen Joseph Popick all talk about the match coming up in only a few seconds. Stephen Joseph has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying on top of the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Lindsay has the OAOAST Women's Championship belt lying next to it on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Lindsay feeds Stephen some more grapes. COLE Well right now, the main event of AngleMania VII is Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. But if PRL wins tonight, that might change into Tha Puerto Rican vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! OR Tha Puerto Rican vs. Colombian Heat for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title if Heat can beat Popick at the Leap Year Spectacular in two weeks! COACH PR/Heat in the main event of AngleMania VII would be the worst main event in AngleMania history! It would be the least watched AngleMania EVER if those two bozos would headline the show! COLE Actually, I think it’d be the most watched, but that’s your opinion. And it’s all hypothetical still. We have to wait until February 28th to know what the AngleMania VII main event really is. COACH No we don’t. We already know what the main event of AngleMania VII really is. It’s going to be an All-CORPORATE AngleMania main event! Wall vs. Popick! I can’t wait! Cuban Wall watches the ring while Lindsay and Popick cuddle on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. “Stronger” by Kanye West dies down. The crowd is ready for Ultimate X. COLE Well, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for another of the HUGE matches taking place on tonight’s Valentine’s Day edition of HeldDOWN~!. Ultimate X! Career vs. Title Shot! Either PRL goes to AngleMania…or he must retire! So much at stake in this one! The lives of two men could be changed forever. It’s the first Ultimate X Match in HeldDOWN~! history, let’s go to the ring with Michael Buffer for the introductions. The camera cuts to the ring. The set-up for the Ultimate X Match was already in place when the show started. But now, the object that PRL and Spanish Fly are fighting for, the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo is in place high above the ring. The camera does close-ups of all four scaffolds and the cables as Michael Buffer speaks. *DING…DING…DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the ULTIMATE X MATCH! In this Ultimate X Match, the object is for one of the men, either Tha Puerto Rican or Spanish Fly, to climb one of the four scaffolds surrounding the ring, scale one or both of the cables, and grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo that is hanging above the ring, and pull it from the hook. Special stipulations for this match are: if Tha Puerto Rican is the one to grab the logo and win the match, then he replaces Cuban Wall as the #1 Contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship and earns himself a one-on-one match against the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, whoever he may be, at OAOAST AngleMania VII Sunday March 30, 2008 from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. COLE It’ll be our main event! COACH And PRL won’t be involved in it at all! BUFFER However…if Spanish Fly is the one to grab the logo and win the match, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from the sport of professional wrestling immediately following the match. COACH HA! HA! Yeah! COLE That’s something these people do NOT want tonight! BUFFER Now then…ARE YOU READY? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” BUFFER Wrestling fans…are…you…RRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY!? The crowd cheers some more. BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance here, on this Valentine’s Day 2008, in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, and the millions watching around the world. There’s only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen…LLLLLLLLLLET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The crowd cheers loudly. COLE Either a Title shot is taken away, or a career is taken away! Which one will it be? "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Spanish Fly is shown on the AngleTron posing in front of a Mexican flag with the words “SPANISH FLY” shown next to him in big white blocky letters. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and Spanish Fly comes jogging out to boos. He throws up the old Wolfpack hand signal with both hands. Fly is wearing an all-black version of his new ring attire, in addition to a black bandana on his head, and his EVIL~! goatee is now fully grown in, thus completing the transformation from fresh face youngster to annoying little Corporate sellout midget bastard. Fly sticks his tongue out and throws out a few CROTCH CHOPS~! to the fans who once cheered for him. COLE All of the SJPC’s hopes rest on the shoulders of Spanish Fly. COACH And he will NOT disappoint! Come on little buddy! Spanish Fly high fives Cuban Wall and both Popicks. He pounds his chest with his right hand. Wall and Stephen Joseph do the same. Fly points to all three Corporation members on the entrance stage, and then walks down the entrance ramp, raising his hands in the air along the way. *But will find their place in line (In line) But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s just a matter of time Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 4-foot-11 and weighing in at 175 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation and Cuban Wall, he is the Ultimate Cruiserweight, SPANISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Spanish Fly taunts the fans, and gives them more CROTCH CHOPS~!. Wall, Popick, and Lindsay are shown applauding Fly on the entrance stage. COLE So much pressure on Spanish Fly. The Corporate Turncoat is looking to please his boss with a big time win here tonight! COACH If little Spanish Fly can retire Tha Puerto Rican, remove him from the OAOAST roster, get rid of him FOREVER…then you just KNOW that Stephen Joseph will be VERY, VERY pleased. I’m talking about a raise, I’m talking about a new house, I’m talking about better women! He’ll have it all if he can retire The People’s CHUMP tonight! Spanish Fly lunges after a fan, and then climbs up the ring steps. Fly stops on the ring apron and points to Wall, SJ, and Lindsay on the entrance stage, and then enters the ring. Spanish Fly gets on the second and third ring rope and throws up the Wolfpack hand signal again with his right hand while sticking his tongue out. The crowd boos loudly. Fly gets off of the ropes and jumps up and down in place. COLE Spanish Fly debuted in the OAOAST on December 29, 2003 at the Bloody, Battered, And Beaten pay-per-view, helping PRL fight off The Mad Cappa. Fly served as a member of The Lightning Crew until he was fired from the group on the June 10, 2004 edition of HeldDOWN~! while P.R. was being arrested for a crime that he did NOT commit! COACH He did it. COLE Spanish Fly has had battles with PRL in the past. He fought PRL for the OAOAST 24/7 Championship at World Without End back in October of 2005, losing to Puerto in a hard fought contest. They have fought all over the world, feuding over the 24/7 Title and the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles in the process. Spanish Fly rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation on December 6, 2007, turning on his one-time BEST FRIEND Colombian Heat in a tag team match against Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua. COACH The greatest moment of Spanish Fly’s career. COLE More like the lowest moment. Anyway, it has now come to this. One match. Either Cuban Wall loses his Title shot, or Tha Puerto Rican loses his career! And it all depends on whether PRL OR Spanish Fly can grab the AngleMania VII logo from the hook! COACH I said that Fly turning on Heat was the greatest moment of his career, but retiring Tha Puerto Rican is about to take the top spot! Spanish Fly paces back and forth inside of the ring. He stares intensely at the entrance. Cuban Wall and the Popicks look at Fly with serious expressions on their faces. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE Spanish Fly, 4’11” 175 pounds, about to go one-on-one with a former ally. A man who *founded* the group that he is currently apart of! COACH Popick made it better. Much, much better! Fly motions for PRL to “BRING IT!” The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of PRL’s entrance. COLE Well, there’s only one more entrance left. COACH For the last time, I am going to have to hear this music. Thank GOD. COLE Or will you? COACH Oh I will. I will. I will. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance stage, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” blasts over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to life. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage, and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out, stopping to stare a hole through Stephen Joseph Popick on the entrance stage. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick glare angrily at Tha Puerto Rican, but PR’s eyes are focused solely on his former manager and “Career Consultant”. Popick mouths “You’re finished.” He then points to the ring and motions for PRL to go, saying, “Get it over with. Go. Go.” PRL mouths off to Stephen Joseph, and then power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, keeping his eyes focused on the ring and Spanish Fly. The crowd cheers louder than before. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is one-half of The Badd Boyz…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE Is this the last time we are hearing PRL’s entrance music in an arena? COACH I sure hope so! I hate this song! Tha Puerto Rican walks around ringside, slapping hands with some of the fans, keeping his eyes on Spanish Fly. Fly taunts PRL from inside of the ring. COLE Tha Puerto Rican debuted in the One And Only AngleSault Thread on the March 10, 2003 edition of IntenseZone taking on The Mad Cappa in the first of many matches between the two. Since then, Tha Puerto Rican has appeared in over 100 OAOAST telecasts, and has wrestled at 41 OAOAST pay-per-views since March of 2003. He is a former three-time OAOAST Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion, a former OAOAST North American Champion, a former OAOAST X-Division Champion, he is a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion, his partner was the current OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Stephen Joseph Popick, a man PRL DESPISES now! He is also the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history, and at one time, he was the leader of The Lightning Crew-now-Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. He has gone from being one of the most hated to one of the most beloved Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, but whether you love him or you hate him, you cannot deny that he is one of the all-time greats, and is arguably the greatest professional wrestler to ever come out of Puerto Rico! COACH Like that’s saying much. Who’s his competition? Savio Vega, Carlos Colon, Carlito, and Pedro Morales? Yeah, that’s some tough competition right there! PRL stops to slap some fans’ hands, and then points a menacing finger at the three Corporate members on the entrance stage. Puerto climbs up the ring steps and gets on the ring apron. He gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow, and then sneers at Cuban Wall and the Popicks, who sneer back. P.R. then enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro explodes behind him. The crowd is still cheering loudly. COLE Is this the very last time that we see this entrance? COACH I pray that it is! PRL removes his blue vest, blue hat, and blue cowboy chaps, and hands them all over to a ringside attendant. He removes his sunglasses and earring from his left ear and hands them over to the ringside attendant too. COLE So much on the line. Either PRL goes to AngleMania, or PRL retires from professional wrestling! COACH And it’s going to be the latter! Most definitely! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is a desperate man. And as the old saying goes, ‘Desperate men do desperate things.’ PRL has put his own career on the line because he felt that that was the only way that this match would happen. He wants to go to AngleMania and challenge for the World Heavyweight Title SO bad, that he’s willing to risk his own career for that opportunity! He WANTS to go to AngleMania VII. He NEEDS to go to AngleMania VII and challenge for the World Heavyweight Title! He wants it more than he’s wanted anything in his entire life! He wants it so bad that he is putting his own career on the line to get that shot! COACH That will end up being the biggest mistake of Tha Puerto Rican’s life! PRL stares at Wall and the Popicks. He points a menacing finger at them and runs his mouth as the lights go back on in the arena. The three SJPC members just smirk at P.R. Referee Rudy Charles pats down Spanish Fly, and then pats down Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has wrestled at the last five AngleManias. Will he wrestle at his 6th consecutive AngleMania, this time in the main event for the World Heavyweight Title? We are about to find out. Rudy Charles goes over some last minute rules as “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. He then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “Desperate Measures” CAREER VS. TITLE SHOT ULTIMATE X MATCH SPANISH FLY (Representing Cuban Wall) vs. THA PUERTO RICAN (If Tha Puerto Rican wins, then he gets a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on Sunday March 30, 2008 from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. If Spanish Fly wins, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from professional wrestling.) The crowd is fired up. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick feeds Stephen Joseph Popick some more grapes. Cuban Wall shouts out, “LET’S GO WALL!” Tha Puerto Rican stands at a turnbuckle corner. Spanish Fly stands at the opposite turnbuckle corner. COLE Well here we go. It’s all or nothing here. There is no going back. No tomorrow for Tha Puerto Rican! Either he wins, or he’s finished! COACH And he is. He’s going to choke, just like he choked last week…and the week before that…and at Anglepalooza…and at the New Year’s Spectacular…and at November Reign…and at Zero Hour…and at AngleSlam…and-- COLE Coach, enough! PRL stares at Spanish Fly. Spanish Fly stares back. PRL taunts Fly. Fly taunts him. PR looks up at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo hanging from the hook on the cables. COLE That is all you have to do. No pinfalls, no submissions, no count outs, no disqualifications, no ladders. Just climb up, grab the AngleMania VII logo, and you win the match! And the stakes are high for both men. COACH Come on, Fly! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” P.R. slowly walks closer to Spanish Fly. Spanish Fly slowly walks over to Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Neither Spanish Fly NOR Tha Puerto Rican have been in an Ultimate X Match before, so this is new for the both of them! COACH But unlike P.R., Spanish Fly doesn’t crack under pressure! So, this match is his for the taking! Say goodbye to your career, P.R.! It’s been nice having you in the OAOAST…NOT! COLE Oh brother. P.R. and Spanish Fly both show hesitation…until P.R. nails Fly with a Rock-style punch to the temple! P.R. continues nailing Fly with The Rock-style punches, the crowd getting louder with each punch. P.R. then switches to regular punches and then gives Spanish Fly an Irish whip into the ropes. Spanish Fly reverses--PRL bounces off of the ropes…and hits Spanish Fly with a flying clothesline knocking him down! COLE And PRL with the first blow of the match! COACH It’s okay, it’s just nerves! Shake it off, Fly! Do it for the Popicks! They’re watching you, you know! PRL picks Spanish Fly up. Fly pokes PRL in the eyes! Spanish Fly kicks PRL in the stomach! He does it again! Fly kicks PRL in the chest! Spanish Fly does a roundhouse kick knocking PRL to the mat! COACH Yes! Spanish Fly pumps his fists in celebration of knocking PR to the mat! Fly picks Puerto Rican up and applies a headlock on him. Fly cinches the hold tight. PRL backs Fly into the ropes and then shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Spanish Fly holds on, and then slides out of the ring! The crowd boos. COACH He’s just taking a breather! Just a breather, that’s all! COLE Spanish Fly taking a rest on the outside. Remember, no countouts in an Ultimate X Match! Spanish Fly walks around the ring. “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” COLE I never thought that I’d ever hear that chant! COACH Ingrates. Spanish Fly lunges after a fan, but the fan laughs at the “midget”. Fly looks over to the Popicks and Wall on the entrance stage. Lindsay is feeding Stephen Joseph grapes, neither one paying attention to the match. Wall tells Fly to “Keep going! You got him where you want him!” Fly nods his head, and then climbs back up the ring steps and enters the ring. COACH All right, NOW we can get things going! PRL and Spanish Fly circle each other. Fly goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL fires off with a left hand! And another! And another! COLE The southpaw from San Juan laying into Spanish Fly right now! P.R. whips Spanish Fly into a turnbuckle corner. P.R. jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle and then charges forward. Stinger Splash on Spanish Fly! PRL whips Fly into the opposite turnbuckle corner…Spanish Fly reverses…PRL runs towards the turnbuckle, but grabs the ropes and jumps up, stopping himself from crashing into the turnbuckle. HOWEVER, Spanish Fly was charging forward, so when PRL jumped up, Fly stopped in his tracks and jumped up onto the second rope to begin climbing the scaffolding! COACH IT’S OVER! IT’S OVER! PRL grabs Spanish Fly’s right leg and pulls him off of the ropes back onto the mat! But Spanish Fly fires with a forearm to the face! Several forearm shots rock The P.R. Menace, taking him over to another turnbuckle corner. Fly whips P.R. into the opposite corner. SF charges forward…right into a right boot to the face from Tha Puerto Rican! Puerto then hops over the top ring rope and onto the ring apron. Puerto Rican then hops onto the top ring rope and springboards off of it, trying to grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo…and falling right on his ass! COACH Idiot! Like that would work! Gawd! COLE Thanks for the commentary, Napoleon Dynamite. Can you bring back Coach please? COACH Shut up, Cole. Spanish Fly kicks PRL right in the face as he’s getting up. Fly picks PRL up. He goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL fires with a Rock-style punch to the temple! And another! And another! The Latin Lion grabs Spanish Fly by his left hand and gives him an Irish whip--NO!--Spanish Fly reverses, and elbows PRL right in the face! Fly bounces off of the ropes, Fly charges forward, PRL does a leapfrog over him, Fly bounces off of the opposite ropes, he charges forward, PRL does a reverse leapfrog over him, Fly bounces off of the ropes, and charges forward right into an arm-drag from Tha Puerto Rican! Spanish Fly gets back up, right into another arm-drag from Puerto! Fly gets up, and gets hit with a third arm-drag from The People’s Champ! COLE And Tha Puerto Rican is back in this match-up! PR wastes no time, running to a turnbuckle (making sure to step on Spanish Fly’s stomach along the way), and climbing it, so that he can start climbing the scaffolding. COLE And here we go, PRL going for the logo! COACH GET UP! GET UP! GET UP FLY! Wall, Lindsay, and Stephen Joseph look on concerned. The crowd is cheering loudly as PRL climbs the scaffolding, getting closer and closer to the cables. But Spanish Fly is starting to get up. COLE He can win it right here, Coach! COACH OH NO! The People’s Champion goes to grab a cable…when he is stopped with a punch from Spanish Fly! Fly nails PRL with several forearms to the face, both men standing on the top turnbuckle, using the scaffolding to maintain their balance. COLE Spanish Fly coming to the rescue in the nick of time! COACH Phew! Thank goodness for Fly! SF forearms PR until he is stunned. Fly then jumps up, and nails PRL right in the chest with a dropkick which sends PRL’s back right into the scaffolding HARD! Fly lands back on the mat! COLE Oh my! Nice dropkick from the smallest member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH Yes! Way to go! PR collapses onto the turnbuckle, and then crumbles onto the mat. The members of the SJPC at the entrance stage applaud Spanish Fly. COLE Spanish Fly using the scaffolding as a weapon, using them to his advantage, and PRL is down on the mat! COACH Spanish Fly is feeling the effects too. COME ON FLY! Popick’s watching you! PRL has rolled out to the outside. Spanish Fly soon rolls out himself, but he is on his feet while PRL is crawling. Fly walks around ringside and finds Tha Puerto Rican on his hands and knees, so Fly picks The Great One up, and simply rams his head right into one of the scaffoldings! COLE Whoa! Spanish Fly using the scaffoldings as a weapon again! He just nailed PRL right in the head! COACH That a-boy, Fly! Now go back into the ring and finish the job! Fly picks PRL up by his head, taking off his Puerto Rican flag bandana in the process. Fly throws Puerto Rican back into the ring. SF follows him and then stomps him several times. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” SF picks PRL up again. Fly nails PRL with a combination of kicks to the legs and forearms to the face! PRL is now dazed and confused. Fly whips Puerto Rican into the ropes. He fires with a spinning wheel kick knocking Puerto down to the mat! Fly picks PRL up. He whips him into the ropes again, and fires with a dropkick, knocking P.R. to the mat again! Spanish Fly then gets up and does a Standing Moonsault onto Tha Puerto Rican! Spanish Fly gets up and poses, drawing LOUD boos. Fly taunts the fans with an evil smile on his face. He sticks his tongue out at the camera. COLE And Spanish Fly, the 4’11” Luchador in control of the 5’9” former X-Division Champion! COACH PRL won that Title by nefarious means at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone last year. In a way, he’s being punished for that right now! COLE PRL hasn’t always been a saint, that much is true, but he IS a changed man, and these people recognize that! COACH Bah! These people are sheep! They’ll cheer anyone who rips off The Rock! Cuban Wall, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick look on as Spanish Fly stomps on PRL’s body. He picks Puerto up…and gets elbowed in the gut! He does it again! And again! And again! PRL chops Spanish Fly across the chest! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” PR nails Fly with an European Uppercut! He hits Fly with another European Uppercut. PR whips Fly into a turnbuckle. He then charges forward and nails Fly with a clothesline hitting him HARD! PRL plays to the crowd. He points to the AngleMania VII logo and the crowd cheers! PRL then climbs the turnbuckle and then climbs the scaffolding! COLE Here we go! PR going for it again! COACH Come on Spanish Fly! Stop him! Stop him! The three Corporate members on the entrance stage start to panic as PRL climbs to the top of the scaffolding. He then grabs one of the cables and starts scaling across the cable with the crowd going nuts! COLE This could be it! This could be it! COACH Spanish Fly stop him! Stop him NOW! DO IT! PRL gets close, but Spanish Fly grabs P.R.’s right leg and pulls on it! COACH Yeah! Fly keeps tugging at the leg, trying desperately to pull PR down onto the mat! But PRL holds on tight, refusing to let go of the cable! COLE Spanish Fly desperately trying to prevent PRL from getting his Title shot! COACH *His* Title shot? What biasness! With the crowd behind him, PRL kicks Fly in the head with his left foot! He does it again! He keeps on doing it, until one good kick to the face drops Spanish Fly back-first onto the mat! PRL then scales across the cable a few more inches…before letting go of the cable…twisting his body in mid-air…doing an “Up yours!“ hand gesture in mid-air…AND HITTING SPANISH FLY IN THE CHEST WITH HIS LEFT ELBOW~!!! COLE Oh my~! PRL with an Elbow Drop from the cables onto the mat! COACH What the hell? How did he do that!? COLE That was like The People’s Elbow Drop wasn’t it? COACH I don’t care what it is, it sucks! The crowd is impressed by particular aerial maneuver from Tha Puerto Rican. As a result, another “P.R.!” chant starts up. Puerto takes a moment to recover from his unique variation of The People’s Elbow Drop. COLE PR in control, but he can’t pin Fly! He can’t make him submit. The only thing he can do is grab the AngleMania VII logo that is hanging from the cables to win! PRL slowly gets back to his feet, already feeling the effects of this match-up. He picks Spanish Fly up. Puerto grabs Fly by his left arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. PR puts his head down, so Spanish Fly stops in his tracks, and kicks PRL right in the face! He then kicks PRL in the legs, the thighs, the gut, the chest, and then a big roundhouse kick to the face! Spanish Fly picks Tha Puerto Rican up and whips him into a turnbuckle. Spanish Fly charges forward and jumps up, nailing PRL right in the chest with a dropkick! COACH Yes! The dropkick takes PRL’s feet off of the mat! Spanish Fly then charges over and punches PR in the face several times! He then switches to martial arts kicks all over Tha Puerto Rican’s body. He finishes off with a jumping back kick to Tha Puerto Rican’s jaw! PRL collapses onto the mat, with his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. “Boo!” COLE Oh no. COACH Oh yes! The crowd starts booing. Spanish Fly has a wide evil smile on his face. He sticks his tongue out as he jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle. COLE Here it comes. COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! “BOOOOOOO!” Spanish Fly looks at the crowd with an evil smile on his face. He does the “low-rider” hand gesture. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Spanish Fly charges forward. COACH Ride ’em, cowboy! Broncobuster! Spanish Fly gives PRL a Broncobuster! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Tha Puerto Rican from Spanish Fly! COACH YEE-HAW! GIDDY UP! Ride that buckin’ bronco! Spanish Fly gets off of Tha Puerto Rican, which really doesn’t sound right considering what move he just gave him, and then gives him a CROTCH CHOP~! (Again, doesn’t sound right.) Spanish Fly does a SHIMMY~! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Spanish Fly mocking Colombian Heat! His FORMER best friend, who he hit over the head with a lead pipe last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH That was great! Spanish Fly does the Broncobuster better than Colombian Heat EVER did! Because of him, I LOVE that move now! COLE Yeah, you would. Spanish Fly grabs PRL by his right hand and pulls him out of the turnbuckle, dropping him onto the mat. He stomps on PRL while the crowd boos. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Fly stops to tell the crowd to “SHUT UP!” He then goes back to stomping on Puerto. The Popicks root Spanish Fly on, but then Stephen Joseph tells Fly to climb up and get the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. Fly picks The Latin Lion up--PRL springs to life with a punch! Another punch! PRL switches to Rock-style punches to the temple! He keeps going and going with them! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Spanish Fly falls to the mat to a pop from the crowd! PRL quickly grabs Spanish Fly, taking Fly's black bandana off in the process, and then whips him into the opposite ropes--Spanish Fly reverses--PR bounces off of the ropes, Spanish Fly goes for a clothesline, PR ducks, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward…and hits Spanish Fly with a Gamengiri knocking him down! COLE Dodge THIS, BITCH~! COACH Stupid name for an admittedly cool move. COLE PRL and Spanish Fly both feeling the effects of this Ultimate X contest, and yet neither man has made many attempts for the AngleMania VII logo! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Tha Puerto Rican’s Dodge THIS, BITCH~! on Spanish Fly. COLE You saw Spanish Fly tried to get his hands up. Tried to block that move. COACH COME ON FLY! The Corporate members on the entrance stage look on in concern for their fellow Corporate member. PR catches his breath on the mat. Spanish Fly is holding his head in pain. PRL slowly gets up. COLE This could be PRL’s perfect shot! He can go for the logo right now! PRL slowly gets to a vertical base. He takes a deep breath, a little groggy now. The Great One then picks Spanish Fly up. P.R. taunts Fly, calling him a “roody poo candy ass!” He then whips him into a turnbuckle…Spanish Fly leaps onto the second turnbuckle, then the top turnbuckle, then starts climbing the scaffolding! COACH Look! Look! PRL charges forward, but gets kicked in the face! Spanish Fly climbs up quickly to the top of the scaffolding, and then grabs a cable. Spanish Fly starts scaling across the cable, causing the crowd to panic! COLE This could be it! PRL could be retired right here! COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! Go get it Fly! The match is yours for the taking! COLE PRL’s career is on the line! The Popicks are nodding their heads. Cuban Wall is going nuts. Spanish Fly comes closer and closer to the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COACH YES! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Spanish Fly grapevines his legs around the cable. COLE Good thinking by Spanish Fly! Now PRL won’t be able to pull on his legs! COACH Great idea, Fly! Now go ahead and grab the logo! Spanish Fly tries his hardest to grab the logo, but the fact that his legs are wrapped around the cable hold him back. Still, Fly marches on, stretching his right arm as far as it can go! COACH Oh, curse Fly’s little hands! They’re not helping him right now! Spanish Fly comes within an inch of the logo… …when suddenly, he sees Tha Puerto Rican flying towards him with his left fist cocked… …THA PUERTO RICAN HITS SPANISH FLY WITH A SPRINGBOARD FLYING FOREARM KNOCKING HIM OFF OF THE CABLE~!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE WHAT A MOVE! WHAT A MOVE! COACH DAMNIT! The crowd goes wild! Tha Puerto Rican and Spanish Fly both lie on the mat, both men breathing hard, in pain. Lindsay, Stephen, and Wall are all very much concerned for their running mate right now. COLE Tha Puerto Rican risked it all right there! A springboard flying forearm to the face of Spanish Fly! I have never seen Tha Puerto Rican do that in my entire life! COACH He has to, Coach! His career is on the line! He has to take all the risks because Spanish Fly won’t stop until he grabs the logo off of the hook! COLE A desperation move from a desperate man! PRL rolls to his side. Spanish Fly is still on his back, in pain. PR rolls back to his back. KIP-UP~! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE He’s up! He’s up again! COACH Fly get up! GET UP NOW! PRL plays to the cheering crowd! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s springboard flying forearm to Spanish Fly again from two different angles. Spanish Fly starts moving his body around. PRL picks Spanish Fly up and whips him into a turnbuckle corner. PRL charges forward, right into a right foot from Spanish Fly! Spanish Fly then hops onto the top turnbuckle, and then hops onto the scaffolding. He hops some more until he’s at the top. COLE Spanish Fly wasting no time here! Spanish Fly grabs a cable, and then starts scaling across it, towards the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo! COLE Is this it? COACH Come on Spanish Fly! It’s just like the jungle jim in a playground! You like the jungle jim don’t you, Fly? PRL recovers from the boot to the face, and then quickly runs over and climbs the top rope. He then quickly scales the same scaffolding Spanish Fly did. COLE PR’s going up! COACH Hurry, Spanish Fly! HURRY! PRL grabs the same cable Spanish Fly did, and starts scaling the cable! COLE It’s a race now! Who’s going to get there first!? Fly or PRL!? COACH Fly! Fly! It’s going to be Fly! It’s going to be Fly! PRL comes closer and closer to where Spanish Fly is. Once he’s near him, P.R. kicks Spanish Fly in the back! He does it again! And again! And again! Spanish Fly is losing his grip on the cable! COLE Spanish Fly might be in trouble! PRL swings a little closer to Fly, and then hooks him up. LATIN SLAM FROM THE CABLES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE MAT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 COACH YO~! COLE OH MY GOD! JOEY STYLES OH MY GOD~!!!! The crowd roars in approval! Stephen Joseph has his hands on his head and a shocked look on his face! Lindsay puts her hands over her mouth in shock! “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” COLE I have never in my entire life seen a Rock Bottom--a Latin Slam done from a cable to the mat! NEVER! COACH You’re seeing it now! And Spanish Fly is the victim of it! PRL lies face down on the mat. Spanish Fly lies on his back, holding it in pain. COLE What an incredible move from Tha Puerto Rican! Can we see that again? The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s Latin Slam on Spanish Fly from the cable onto the mat. COLE An incredible move from The People’s Champion! The Latin Lion striking big with that Latin Slam! COACH Oh come on Fly! Get up! Get up! Get up now! PRL breathes hard on the mat. He starts moving his arms around. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly rolls to his side. The crowd is hot following the Latin Slam. PRL slowly gets up. PRL is on his right knee. He’s sucking wind. COLE His career is on the line here! His chance to face the World Heavyweight Champion, whether it’d be Stephen Joseph Popick or Colombian Heat, is on the line here! PRL wins, he is DEFINITELY going to AngleMania VII on March 30th! If he loses, he must retire from the OAOAST IMMEDIATELY! COACH There’s still hope right? There’s still hope for Spanish Fly, am I right? Please tell me am I right? COLE Until PRL grabs the AngleMania VII logo, he still has a shot. COACH Phew. P.R. pushes himself up onto his feet. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly rolls to his side. PRL takes a deep breath. He walks over to a turnbuckle corner and climbs it. PRL climbs the top rope. Puerto Rican then jumps up, grabs a cable and starts scaling across it. COLE PRL with another try at grabbing the logo. All he has to do is grab the logo off of the hook and his career lives on for another day! AND he’s in the main event of AngleMania VII! The crowd gets louder the closer PRL gets to the logo. COLE He’s just gotta go a couple of hands, and he’ll be able to take down the logo! COACH GET UP FLY! GET UP! NOW! NOW! NOW! Tha Puerto Rican is only inches away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. But he’s still scaling the cable. Lindsay and Stephen Joseph are both biting their fingernails. Cuban Wall is shaking his head no. Suddenly, Spanish Fly is seen on the top rope. Spanish Fly leaps off of the top rope and nails Tha Puerto Rican with a missile dropkick to the chest AND THA PUERTO RICAN DOES A SOMERSAULT ONTO THE MAT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 COACH DAYUM~! COLE OH MY GOODNESS~! Popick pumps his fists. Cuban Wall yells out, “YEAH BABY!” Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick applauds Fly. COLE Just when I thought this match couldn’t get more innovative, more shocking, *this* happens! COACH THAT WAS GOOD! THAT WAS DA BOMB, YO~! THAT WAS THE BOMB DIGGITY! EXCELLENT MOVE! THAT SHUT HIM DOWN! COLE That was amazing! The impact of that move turned PRL inside out! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Spanish Fly’s missile dropkick on Tha Puerto Rican and PRL’s somersault onto the mat. The missile dropkick and the somersault are shown from a different angle. COLE This could be Spanish Fly’s opening. The tide may be shifting. We could be moments away from the end of PRL’s career! COACH It might be over now! He might have broken his back! COLE PRL was 10-15 feet in the air! He fell right on his back! And the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation couldn’t be happier! COACH They KNOW the end is near for Tha Puerto Rican! His career is seconds away from ending! Spanish Fly uses the ropes to pull himself up, sweating and winded now. PRL lies on the mat, his eyes glazed over. Fly gets to a vertical base, and takes a deep breath. He rests his head on the top turnbuckle pad. COLE It might be unlikely now, but if Tha Puerto Rican can recover… COACH He’s not! The match is over! Spanish Fly has got him now! GRAB THE LOGO! GRAB IT NOW! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE Tha Puerto Rican having a hard time recovering from that move! That somersault! That took a lot out of him! Rudy Charles checks on Tha Puerto Rican. Spanish Fly walks over and shoves Rudy Charles out of the way. He picks PR up. Since PRL is nearly 5’9” and weights 220 lbs., it’s a little difficult for Fly to do. Not to mention that he’s in pain from the match he’s had thus far. Still, Fly manages to get The P.R. Menace up. He has an evil smile on his face as he grabs PR by his head and charges forward, slamming his head into a scaffolding! Spanish Fly grabs PRL’s right arm and places it inside the scaffolding. Fly then exits the ring, and then climbs the same scaffolding PR’s right arm is located at. He climbs until his body is at the same place PRL’s right arm is. Fly grabs the arm, and then slams it onto the scaffolding! Fly does it again! And again! The crowd groans each time. Spanish Fly slams the arm into the scaffolding five more times! COLE Spanish Fly targeting that right arm of PRL! COACH Makes sense. He can’t climb with one arm! Good strategy from Spanish Fly! Stephen Joseph nods his head in agreement. Spanish Fly jumps off of the scaffolding and then runs back into the ring. He pulls PRL by the waistband of his tights back onto the mat. He punches PRL right in the face, and then nails him with several forearm shots to the skull. Spanish Fly rushes to the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, jumps up, wraps his legs around PRL…Hurricarana!--NO!--PRL holds on! COLE Look at this! But before PRL can hit the Powerbomb, Spanish Fly grabs ahold of PRL’s right arm! COACH Look at this! The crowd is antsy as Spanish Fly pulls on PRL’s hurt right arm. COLE Fly’s got the arm! He’s pulling on it! COACH Pull it out of the socket, Fly! COLE Oh will you stop!? Fly grits his teeth as he pulls on the right arm…and yet still, PRL lifts Spanish Fly up…POWERBOMB! COLE Powerbomb! Powerbomb on the smaller member of the Corporation! COACH That makes that Powerbomb worst! But Spanish Fly still has ahold of PRL’s right arm. COLE Spanish Fly will not stop holding that right arm! He refuses to let it go! COACH Good! Good! Keep it up, Fly! Keep it up! Fly continues holding on. PRL uses all of the strength that he has left to lift Spanish Fly up off of the mat for a second time, and then sets him up for the STYLES CLASH~!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Lightning Bolt! A one handed Lightning Bolt from Tha Puerto Rican on Spanish Fly! COACH Oh dang it! COLE We haven’t seen the Lightning Bolt from Tha Puerto Rican in a long time! PRL is pulling out all of the stops here tonight! PRL lies on the mat, holding his right arm in pain. Spanish Fly lies face down on the mat. The crowd is going nuts. Rudy Charles can do nothing but watch as PRL and Spanish Fly both show signs of movements on the mat. As this is going on, Cuban Wall and the Popicks look on with serious looks on their faces. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK COME ON, FLY! COLE The Popicks looking on. Stephen Joseph especially worried because if he remains Champion after the Leap Year Spectacular, then he faces PRL in the main event of AngleMania VII! COACH That’s *if* PRL wins, Cole! COLE Right. Got a little ahead of myself there. COACH Don’t ever let that happen again. PRL sits up, still holding his right arm in pain. Spanish Fly starts crawling on the mat. COLE You would think that Lightning Bolt would put PRL in the driver’s seat! But all of the pain that he has suffered in this match! All of the falls! That right arm! He’s not guaranteed to win this thing! COACH He’s gonna choke! Watch! He will! Again! PRL gets to his right knee. COLE You can see the pain on his face! He is almost in tears! Almost in tears! COACH Come on Fly! Get up! You’re doing a good job so far! Now finish him off! Finish him off! PRL slowly pushes himself off of the mat. Spanish Fly crawls towards the ropes. Fly uses the bottom ring rope to pull himself up. He then uses the second ring rope to pull himself further up. Meanwhile, Stephen Joseph whispers into Cuban Wall’s right ear. PRL slowly stands up right, still holding his right arm in pain. He winces in pain, clutching his right arm. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh God! My arm! PRL rests in a turnbuckle corner. Spanish Fly uses the top ring rope to pull himself up. Suddenly, Cuban Wall gets on the ring apron. COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Cuban Wall grabs PRL’s right arm and jumps off of the ring apron still holding onto the arm, so that PRL’s right arm hits the top ring rope! COLE Cuban Wall out here! COACH Yes! The crowd boos. Cuban Wall stays at ringside and watches as PRL clutches his right arm in pain. COLE Cuban Wall with an assist to Spanish Fly! Tha Puerto Rican staggers around the ring, holding his right arm in pain. FLY SWATTER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COACH YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall pumps his right fist in victory. The Popicks applaud on the entrance stage. Spanish Fly sits on the mat with an evil smile on his face. COLE Spanish Fly hit the Fly Swatter! That’s his move! Tha Puerto Rican is out! COACH He did it! HE RETIRED THA PUERTO RICAN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is down thanks to the Fly Swatter! This might be Spanish Fly’s perfect opportunity to capture the logo! COACH He’s gonna do it! PRL is gonna retire! His career is over! IT’S OVAH~! The crowd boos louder. Stephen Joseph pops the champagne bottle. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick smiles evilly. COACH GO UP! GET IT! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! HE’S DOWN! DO IT! COLE Out of nowhere, Spanish Fly snuck in, and hit the move that has defeated Tha Puerto Rican several times in the past! COACH And that move will spell the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! Goodbye PRL! Spanish Fly slowly gets up. He laughs manically. The camera cuts to the entrance stage where Stephen Joseph is pouring champagne into the champagne glasses. COLE The Popicks are ready to start the celebration right now! COACH Yeah! Pop the champagne! Spanish Fly looks at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. He points to it. He says, “I’m doing it!” He points to the Popicks on the entrance stage. They both raise their champagne glasses to Fly. Spanish Fly points to Cuban Wall at ringside. Wall pounds his chest with his right hand and raises his hands in victory. Spanish Fly sneers at Tha Puerto Rican and at the crowd. SPANISH FLY YEAH~! COLE Here we go. He’s going for it! COACH It’s still gonna be Popick/Wall at AngleMania VII! COLE This could be the end of one of the most prolific careers in OAOAST history! Spanish Fly points to a scaffolding, and then walks to it. Spanish Fly climbs the bottom turnbuckle. He then hops onto the second turnbuckle. Fly then hops onto the top turnbuckle. Spanish Fly starts climbing the scaffolding as PRL lies on the mat in pain. *PING!* COLOMBIAN HEAT HITS SPANISH FLY OVER THE HEAD WITH A LEAD PIPE!!!!!! COACH WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? COLE Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat is out here! COACH WHAT IS HE DOING OUT HERE!? COLE Hey, if Cuban Wall can interfere, so can Colombian Heat! COACH NO HE CAN’T! CUBAN WALL’S BEEN OUT HERE SINCE BEFORE THE BELL RUNG! COLE Doesn’t matter! COACH YES IT DOES! Spanish Fly falls off of the scaffolding and onto the mat! He is lying spread eagle on the mat, unconscious! Colombian Heat jumps off of the scaffolding and slides into the ring. The crowd has come unglued! Cuban Wall gets onto the ring apron. *PING!* AND IMMEDIATELY GETS HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH THE LEAD PIPE!!!!!!! COLE Lead pipe to Cuban Wall’s head! Payback for last week! COACH POPICK, STOP HIM! Cuban Wall falls off of the ring apron and holds his head in pain, resting on a barricade. Colombian Heat plays to the crowd in the ring, holding the lead pipe in his right hand. The Popicks are stunned! COLE Cuban Wall has been hit in the head with a lead pipe. Spanish Fly is knocked out from the lead pipe! It’s even now! Who’s going to win!? COACH SEND THE REST OF THE CORPORATION OUT HERE NOW! Colombian Heat fires the crowd up. He sees PRL lying on the mat and goes over to wake him up. Heat shakes PRL up until he opens his eyes. Heat tells him what he just did to Fly and then tells him to grab the logo. COLE Spanish Fly is out cold! This could be Tha Puerto Rican’s chance! His career is on the line here! COACH I don’t believe this! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! DAMNIT! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! AN INJUSTICE IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE HERE! Colombian Heat helps PRL up. He lifts his best friend off of the canvas. Puerto is very groggy now. He still has pain in his right arm. Heat makes sure PRL is up on his feet. COLE Tha Puerto Rican might have a shot now! COACH STOP HIM! STOP HIM! Heat dusts PRL off, and then tells him to go and grab the AngleMania VII logo. Suddenly, Colombian Heat rushes forward. *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO VITAMIN X’S HEAD!!! *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO THE BONE THUG’S HEAD!!! Colombian Heat checks on PRL, who is just standing up getting his barings. *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO ROCK HARD BRICKSTON’S HEAD!!! *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO MR. BORICUA’S HEAD!!! COLE Colombian Heat has taken out the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation with that lead pipe! They’re all down! Wall, Boricua, Rock Hard Brickston, Vitamin X, The Bone Thug AND Spanish Fly! COACH Oh this isn’t happening! This is not happening! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! COLE It is, Coach! It is! Colombian Heat fires the crowd up some more. He walks around the ring with the lead pipe in his right hand, making sure that the Corporation members do not make any more attempts to enter the ring. COLE Colombian Heat coming to the aid of his best friend! The Badd Boyz are the only ones left standing in the ring! COACH OH NO! I AM GOING TO BE SICK! UGH! NOT THIS! Stephen Joseph and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick have stopped drinking from their champagne glasses. Instead, they are sitting up and are in shock of what’s gone down. Their shock turns to worry as PRL shakes the cobwebs out. He stares directly at a scaffolding. COACH NO! NO! NO! PRL looks at Colombian Heat. Heat gives him the thumbs up. PRL nods his head. Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring. COACH NO! NO! NO! COLE This might be it! PRL grabs the scaffolding and starts climbing it. The crowd gets louder and the higher and higher PRL gets. PRL winces in pain several times. COLE With one arm, PRL is climbing the scaffolding! COACH How is this possible!? COLE What guts! What determination from Tha Puerto Rican! Unbelieveable how he’s doing this, all with one arm! PRL gets up and up. Stephen Joseph and Lindsay are shaking their heads no. Thomas Rodriguez tries to enter the ring, but Colombian Heat swings the lead pipe and Thomas immediately backs away. Instead, Thomas goes to check on the other Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members. COLE Heat is helping his buddy, watching his back! COACH Oy! PRL gets near the top of the scaffolding. He then climbs a little bit further so that he is at the top of the scaffolding. COLE Wait, what’s he doing? COACH Something stupid I bet! PRL climbs up very slowly onto the very top of the scaffolding. PRL is hunched over on the top of the scaffolding. COLE Oh my God. What’s this… COACH What’s this? I told you. Something stupid! PRL slowly stands up straight on the scaffolding. COLE Oh boy. High risk move here! PRL is at a vertical base on the very top of the scaffolding. Colombian Heat looks on from the ring. COLE His career is on the line here! I guess it makes sense why he would do this! COACH He’s an idiot. That’s why he would do this! The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of what PRL is about to do. PRL looks down at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo and has a serious look on his face. COLE This might be the biggest risk that Tha Puerto Rican has ever taken in his entire life! COACH He’s going to regret this! Regret this big time! The crowd is going nuts. Colombian Heat is looking up at PRL with a serious look on his face, the lead pipe still in his right hand. Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, and Rock Hard Brickston are all on the outside holding their heads in pain. Spanish Fly is still lying on the mat unconscious. Thomas Rodriguez is checking on the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members, and is also looking up to see Tha Puerto Rican on the very top of the scaffolding. Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick are both on the edge of their Laz-E-Boy recliner, worried for what might happen next. Tha Puerto Rican takes a deep breath, looks down at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo that is hanging on the hook on both of the cables, and then takes another deep breath. THA PUERTO RICAN LEAPS OFF OF THE TOP OF THE SCAFFOLDING ONTO THE CABLES~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 COLE OH MY GOD! COACH WHOA! The crowd is shocked at what PRL just did! PRL hangs on desperately to the cables! PRL wraps his legs around the cables, and then scoots forward, only a few inches away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COLE Is this it? Is this it? COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! PRL is now only an inch away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. Tha Puerto Rican stretches his left arm out… …The crowd gets louder… PRL grabs a hold of the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COLE Could it be… COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! …PRL slowly pulls the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo off of the hook… COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! THA PUERTO RICAN PULLS THE OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VII LOGO OFF OF THE HOOK~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE He’s got the logo! He wins the match! COACH NO!!! *DING DING DING* (17:59) COLE Tha Puerto Rican has got the Title shot! Tha Puerto Rican is going to AngleMania VII! The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! “Know Your Role 2000” plays over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican falls off of the cables and lands back-first onto the mat, the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo in his hands! Colombian Heat jumps up and down in joy, while Stephen Joseph and Lindsay stand up in shock. BUFFER Here is your winner…AND the man who will receive a shot at the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30, 2008...THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican hugs the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo, a huge smile on his face. Colombian Heat is still jumping up and down. Referee Rudy Charles raises PRL’s hands in victory. COLE Tha Puerto Rican’s career lives on for another day! And he WILL receive another shot at the OAOAST Title at the biggest stage of them all, AngleMania, in just 45 days from now! COACH This sucks! This sucks very, very much! Cuban Wall was robbed! He was ROBBED, I say! COLE It’s true. Cuban Wall is no longer the #1 Contender to the OAOAST Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII! Tha Puerto Rican is now the #1 Contender to the OAOAST Championship! He now has a GUARANTEED, GUARANTEED shot at the Champion, whoever he may be, at AngleMania VII on March 30th! And dare I say, he EARNED his shot tonight! COACH No he didn’t! This is bogus! Tha Puerto Rican DOES NOT deserve to win! He had help from his friend! He was down and out following the Fly Swatter, and he was out like a light! Then Colombian Heat comes along and ruins everything! COLE No disqualifications in an Ultimate X Match, Coach. What Colombian Heat did was within the rules, of which there are none. COACH It’s still bogus! Cuban Wall has been SCREWED! He has lost his shot at AngleMania VII thanks to some stupid outside interference! COLE Instant karma’s gonna get you, huh, Coach? COACH SHUT UP! Colombian Heat raises PRL’s hands in victory. The crowd cheers loudly. Stephen Joseph and Lindsay are standing up, shocked over the result. Heat plays to the crowd. Colombian Heat shakes Tha Puerto Rican’s left hand and then pulls him in for a hug. He then helps Tha Puerto Rican up. COLE Tha Puerto Rican persevered. He went through hell and high water. He dealt with a hurt right arm. He managed to grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo and pull it off the hook and now, because of that, he still has a professional wrestling career AND he is DEFINITELY going to AngleMania! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips of the match. COACH It was an awesome fought match, I’ll give them that. I just REALLY hate the ending! Look at this. The People’s Elbow Drop from the cables to the canvas. A Latin Slam from the cables to the canvas. Spanish Fly gives PRL a missile dropkick and PRL turns INSIDE OUT! One armed Lightning Bolt. And then this. Cuban Wall uses his size and strength to hit PRL’s right arm. Then, Fly Swatter! Fly had the match won. HE HAD THE MATCH WON! HE DID! But then, Colombian Heat. *PING!* Lead pipe to the skull, probably gave Spanish Fly a CONCUSSION, the bastard! He then uses the lead pipe on everyone in the Corporation like the rotten thug that he is! PRL takes advantage. He does this HYUGGE leap just to show off. And then he scales the cables, and…ugh…grabs the AngleMania VII logo. Your winner, and going on to AngleMania…EUGH…Tha Puerto Rican. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Colombian Heat hugs Tha Puerto Rican as the crowd cheers and “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing. Stephen Joseph has a face that shows RAGE. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick looks like she is seconds away from crying. And then she does. COACH This is the worst St. Valentine’s Day EVER! This ain’t what Popick had in mind! This ain’t what he wanted for Lindsay! This is like the complete opposite! This is like his anti-St. Valentine’s Day present! COLE You think Tha Puerto Rican cares about that? You think Tha Puerto Rican cares what Lindsay wants? No sir. He only cares about one thing: he is GOING to AngleMania VII on March 30th! Tha Puerto Rican is going to the biggest event in parody e-fed entertainment and he is going to be in the main event fighting for the richest prize in the industry! This is a GREAT St. Valentine’s Day for PRL! And he’s single! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat pose in the center of the ring. COACH UGH! Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph. Lindsay is still sobbing. SJ does the McMahon SNEER~! He points to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt that is lying behind him on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. PRL points to the belt and then does the “I-Want-The-Belt” hand gesture. He taunts Popick, and then laughs. PRL runs his mouth at Stephen Joseph Popick. COLE Business has picked up! Tha Puerto Rican will face the winner of the Stephen Joseph Popick/Colombian Heat match at OAOAST AngleMania VII! He has won the Ultimate X Match, his FIRST Ultimate X Match EVER, by the way! He will NOT have to retire after all! Instead, he is going to fight for the World Heavyweight Title at the biggest show of the year, AngleMania! COACH Damn. If it turns out to be Heat vs. PRL. Double damn! Tha Puerto Rican raises the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo over his head to cheers. He walks around the ring with the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo over his head while Colombian Heat applauds him. Colombian Heat plays to the crowd. Stephen Joseph Popick tries to calm his wife down, but Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is still crying her eyes out. Stephen Joseph glares angrily at PRL. Spanish Fly slowly rolls out of the ring. COLE We now know one-half of the main event of AngleMania VII! In the main event of OAOAST AngleMania VII, you will see Tha Puerto Rican! Cuban Wall, the 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, has lost his GUARANTEED WORLD TITLE SHOT to his former boss! COACH What a tragedy! COLE But what’s not a tragedy is that Tha Puerto Rican has got another chance to become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in seven weeks time! Tha Puerto Rican has defeated Spanish Fly! Tha Puerto Rican has won the Ultimate X Match! Tha Puerto Rican keeps his career, and will live to fight another day! Tha Puerto Rican will NOT be retiring here tonight! Tha Puerto Rican is going to AngleMania! Happy Valentine’s Day, Lindsay! Fans, we’ll be right back with our main event! A main event that you will not soon forget! We’ll be right back right after these messages! Stay with us! Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring with Colombian Heat, still carrying the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo with both of his hands. PRL and Heat both have smiles on their faces. Spanish Fly has rolled out of the ring, a cut above his forehead, and blood starts dripping out of it. Fly is dazed and confused following the Ultimate X Match. He has trouble standing up, using the ring apron to maintain his balance. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, Vitamin X, and Rock Hard Brickston all slowly get up from the lead pipe shots to the head that they all took from Colombian Heat. All five men are dazed and in tremendous pain and they will all probably have really bad headaches tomorrow morning. Thomas Rodriguez goes around the ringside area, still checking on the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. Stephen Joseph Popick tries to calm his wife down, but Ms. Lindsay Gonzlaez-Popick is still crying her eyes out, messing up her eyeliner really badly, really quickly. Stephen Joseph is holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand and is massaging Lindsay’s back with his left hand. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat walk up the entrance ramp. Both men are talking about the Ultimate X Match, PRL still holding onto the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo with both of his hands. The Badd Boyz laugh and then smile wide bright smiles as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing and the crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican might have a hurt right shoulder, but he is still very happy because not only does he still have a career in professional wrestling, but also because of one very important fact: Tha Puerto Rican IS going to AngleMania. FADE OUT Commercials

"Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)"] On the entrance screen, the cursive lettered Beverly Hills Blonds appears in font worthy of the fanciest greeting card. But it quickly gives way to the hectically passed entrance video, which features the three time tag team champs engaged in numerous acts that push the bounds of the OAOAST rulebook. Beneath the chronicle of the cheating ways, steps the three blonds themselves, Simon, Ned and Molly. Being met by a sudden shouting of boos and vulgarities finds none of the shady characters in a bad mood, and Simon giddily poses for Molly's Siclopse recordings, bending his waist back, and holding his jacket open to let the camera frame his less then pleasurable physique. Ned coolly twirls with his hand adjusting the collar on his sparking jacket in a sly bid showmanship, before coming to a full stop and immortalizing his image on the Siclopse with slick smirk. His prematch gloating then enlists Simon and the two men throw themselves into a chest bump so powerful it could send sparks of testosterone blazing through the air. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit. Being led to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY... at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds. They are former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions! Representing THE ENTERPRISE... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... THE VIDEO VOYUER BOX OFFICE SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVEEEERRRRLLLYYY HHHIIIIIILLLSSS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! Driven by arrogant struts, the Blonds bright white boots click off a red carpet that's given a purple shading by tiny white lights that roam down the entrance ramp. Fingers find the uglier crowd members, and their wild laughter suitably mocks these ghastly Canadians. Dutiful as always, Molly happily captures the Blonds dressing down of the front row audience, and happily dedicates herself to lingering on those who are actually reduced to tears. COLE The Beverly Hills Blonds, love them, hate them, and most of us truly hate them, they tie Black T with second most tag title reigns in the OAOAST. And thanks to their history in the ring and out of the ring with Krista, they've been selected by fellow Enterprise member Mackenzie DeCenzo to end the Isadora Duncan menace once and for all. And I have to believe that whoever Mackenzie chose could give us some strong clues as to who Krista's kid. Simon spills into the ring first, brought inside as though he were sliding into home plate. His kneeled flexing brings no shortage of jeers from the audience, who contemplate hitting the body that's marked by three orange spotlights with trash. Beyond those constant orange companions, Ned stands atop the turnbuckle, cloaked in near darkness, his toothsome white grin lent a devilish quality. COLE Folks, when we come back its Krista Isadora Duncan and a partner of Mackenzie's choice against The Beverly Hills Blonds! COMMERCIAL I like them black girls I like them white girls I like them asian girls I like them mixed raced girls I like them spanish girls I like them italian girls I like the french girls And I like Scandanavian girls Straight to their feet the audience rises, flooding the arena with a long and enormous wave of cheers. With each passing second the cheers for the OAOAST's most popular lady grow louder and louder until her entrance music is nearly drowned by the show of love. The camera's focus, however, is not on the booming audience, but rather woman's hand hammering a nail into a piece of ply wood. The view pans out to reveal her to be a tall, slim Asian woman, who's pink lips perfectly match her cut off shorts and cropped to chest tank top. To her side another young lady is positioned, her hands delicately controlling a masonry drill against a column of concrete blocks. The majority of the focus rests upon her sweat drenched body, held bare aside from too short jean shorts and a black bikini top. Equally hard at work, are three short haired redheads, matched in the alluring outfit of jean shorts, and a tank top shielded by suspenders. But the shining star of this construction site are Krista's pair of sublimely shaped glistening legs that venture towards a pair of cut off jeans riding up a luscious bottom that leads to bouncy breast hugged by a red bikini top. Her face framed by pigtails and her hands manning a two speed drill, Krista reduces the audience into drooling messes with a sultry pouting of her lips, and seductive half closing of her eyes. BUFFER And their opponent, introducing first, from the city of angels, Los Angeles, California, she is one half of the angle award winning tag team of the year, one half of the angle award winner for title reign of the year, the angle award winner for female personality of the year, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, the lead in VH1's Look Of Love, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan!!!! "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" COLE Fans, if you can't get enough of the hardest working woman in showbiz, then besides being able to go to any video retailer to purchase one of her many fitness videos, you can also catch her every Sunday on The Look Of Love on VH1. We haven't mentioned the show in a while, but as an incredibly wise man once told me, if characters can be AWOL for months on end and re-appear like nothing happened, so can TV shows! I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls Throwing aside the mechanical symbol of her working class roots, Krista strides past blue collar grunt, into white collar glitz, as she struts down an entrance ramp blanketed by sparkling purple and blue glitter. Capturing the billion dollar image of the fitness queen are a legion of fashion photographers and journalist, all dressed in a macabre black. Upon hitting the edge of the ramp, Krista cockily tilts her head back and passes along a sly smile that's captured by a massive spritzing of thousands of camera flashes. COLE Just a reminder that the OAOAST will be in Los Angeles, California, the home of Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia, for Anglemania, and you can be certain that's one city that can't wait for the return of their girls! But let's keep our minds on Montreal because we're about to find out who Krista's partner is... Monster How should I feel? Creatures lie here Looking through the windows I will Hear their voices I'm a glass child I am Hannah's regrets!! Bursting out the sliding doorway is the owner of this little heard entrance music, Maggie Nerdly. The eighteen year old arrives attired in her trademark goth-prep combo of a ruffled black skirt and matching black polo shirt. Though her appearance brings more stunned murmurs then it does cheers, this doesn't dissuade Maggie from energetically bouncing through jungle of green and blue lights to work the nearby fans into a frenzy. Ned gazes at Maggie with a quizzical expression, “Si, buddy, how do I know her? Did I used to date her?” Krista interjects. “Yeah between the months of never and you're a complete idiot! Ah, you're a complete idiot my favorite month of the year, where we celebrate the little known holiday Simon singleton is sniveling spineless douche.” “I already have my costume designed for the parade!” Molly informs us. Oblivious to the arguments occurring in the ring, Maggie skips down the ramp. Her bubbling pleasure at the chance to tag with Krista, and the obvious possibility that Krista could be her mother, is expressed through a mile wide smile, and hearty high fives for the fans. Molly sees the more sinister side of this arrangement, the fact that she actually have to wrestle one of the Blonds, and taunts Maggie over it, “Little sister, little sister, I'd truly love to mock your current situation, but I'm only allowed two speaking line per week and I have to use one to fill our quota for Britney Spears references!” “Only thirty more to go.” Krista mumbles. BUFFER And her partner from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada....MAGGIE NERDLY!!! COLE My, my, my! What could this mean? You have to wonder if Mackenzie picked Maggie because she's Krista's daughter? Is there any other reason that Mackenzie would pick Maggie other then to put Krista's daughter in danger? Maggie's youthful exuberance, and joyful hysteria towards being in the same ring with her possible mother is enough to will her to begin the match. But, Krista's warning of “stay on the apron and don't get hurt” is spoken with such unshakable finality that it roots the interviewer onto the apron. Simon seems to have slotted himself into the role of starter without acquiring the consent of Ned. This of course is ill to Simon's health; Ned's horny ways shove the Video Voyeur aside, in order to enjoy the thrilling spice of wrestling the reality TV star. His deep blue eyes languish on her sexy tan skin, rich blond hair, and perfect pink lips. Not overly enamored with the prospects of once again being Ned's body of lust, Krista looks to her right at nothing in particular, and says, “Oh, look, something better to do.” That something better is nothing more then spiking her work boots through Ned's stubble filled face with a superkick. Ned is thrown backwards, the Handsome portion of his nickname further mangled as his head snaps off the canvas in two quick harsh motions. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The object of the fans love goes for a pin that's scored by Charles Robinson, and counted by Maggie, MAGGIE ONE! MAGGIE TWO! But Robinson's attention is stolen by Molly Nerdly's appearance onto the ring apron. Though the NYU grad student does nothing besides aimlessly fiddle the Siclopse, she looks cute enough while doing it to stir the passions of the GLAADiator. Unlike, Ned, with his charm less then a case of gout, the lesbian queen, is far more smooth spoken in her seductions. Speaking like a documentary filmaker in the wild, Krista says, “Yes, the hot art student. Cearly unaware of her own beauty, she hides what appears to be a narrow waist and lean legs under ill fitting khaki, and a belt that clearly came with the pants. This sublime creature is to be admired, for her beauty is unparalleled! I've never seen one up close before they're quite spectacular.” Ned is semi recovered from his superkicking ordeal, and has enough strength about him to grab onto Krista's arm and twirl her in his direction. Taken by surprise at going from a cute filmsnob to a her near braindead boss, Miss California is abruptly dragged into a lockup. Her immediate straining against Ned's hold paints a blazing intensity on her face, as her cheeks erupt in red. But her struggles are pointless, as the Handsome Hustler collars one arm around her neck, and the other around her exposed waist. Incapable of escaping that hold, the Los Angeles native is given no other option then to brace for impact on Ned's hold. But no amount of preparation can guard her from the jolts that rip through her chest as her baby's daddy roughly slams her into the canvas. Her lithe figure provides small cushion for his own painful fall, but the pleasure of being on top of her stills any lingering hurt. COLE What has to be going through Maggie's mind right now? Knowing that could very well be her real mother just inches away from her? COACH “Am I too old to get an allowance? Why did you let the Nerdly family adopt me and stick me in what amounts to a human zoo?” Libido thirsting with greed, Ned directs his drooling mouth to the spot where Krista's neck meets her shoulders. His lips, when they touch her soft flesh, are slimy and wet, like some kind of jungle lizard. But they're the perfect alarm to motivate the fitness queen to battle free of his lecherous mount. Frantically, and with great panic, he applies a grip onto her slinky bikini top, but the thin cloth quickly pulls free of his grip, as the SoCal babe rushes to her feet. But, Blanchard is unwilling to allow her freedom, and his harsh grip snaps around her wrist. Overpowering her strong resistance, the Handsome Hustler slowly contorts and torques her arm as if he were handing delicate glassware. But when a sharp smile dances across his face, he cruelly snaps the limb downward with all his might. Instantly, Krista's pained screams decorate the air, bringing worry to hearts and minds of Maggie and the crowd. K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D! Maintaining his cast iron lock on Kris's arm, The Handsome Hustler hastily spins behind her, before she can roll free of the arm wrench. Having secured himself some reprieve from Krista's escape efforts, Ned's fingers do the celebrating, burying themselves around the generously exposed flesh of her tight tush. Hugely irate at Ned's continued harassment, Krista plants her hands around the ropes in order to facilitate her escape. She showcases her incredible agility by kicking her boots up, and flipping through the air. The unexpected and wild movement wreaks havoc on Ned's grip, and his bonds are instantly broken. As the sold out Canadian audience roots on their heroine, she latches onto Ned's wrist for an arm wrench of her own. But, the muscle bound meathead quickly goes on the attack, and launches a spinning forearm towards her face. However, his strike moves much too slowly, and Krista has little trouble in sweeping beneath it. Placed behind Ned, Krista snakes her arm between his black trunks and drags him into the canvas with a schoolboy. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! But, Blanchard's two hundred thirty five pounds explode out of the pin a mere moment before the fans sing three. Quickly, he begins scurrying upright in hopes of evading more lethal attacks from the surly Los Angelenia. But his hopes go up in blazing flames when he lifts himself right into a front facelock from the fitness queen. Though the position of being nestled against her silken skin might be an envious one, its certainly not when the blond bombshell is preparing to DDT you! Thus, The Handsome Hustler utilizes his large strength advantage to bulldoze her directly into her corner. Her back is savaged by the harsh ring posts, pushing exhausted gasps through her red lips. And those gasps soon change into full on shrieks, as Blanchard rams his shoulder through her stomach. Though Krista owns a remarkably ripped stomach, the ceaseless attacks generate enough damage to lead Maggie to make a hasty tag with her mother. COACH That ain't smart, homegirl! Krista, you gotta protect your daughter, Ned's an animal, a ravenous animal!Sunday had a whole church singin' a song "Why'd they have to send my baby home?" The audience meets Maggie's arrival with apprehensive gasps, but Ned heralds it with a wildfire of lust that engulfs his blue eyes. The conflagration of Ned's libido doesn't appear to muzzle Maggie's fighting spirit, and the teenager bounces herself of the ropes. Full on energy, but low on actual wrestling ability, Maggie comes darting towards Ned, but with one hand placed on her ruffle skirted waist he blasts her into space with a flapjack! COLE Oh no! MOLLY Oh yes, yes, yes! Shackling Molly with incredible disappointment, Krista is there to play Xena to Maggie's Gabrielle, and catches Maggie's goth styled body in her arms. MAGGIE (wrapping her arms around Krista's neck) Mommy! With an eye for taking advantage of the potential mother-daughter combo's vulnerability, Ned strides forward to level them with a shoulder block. But Krista swings Maggie with the precession of a baseball bat and mashes the attacking brute flat. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" Straining to see through the streams of sweat that sweep across his face, Blanchard catches a a quick glimpse of Krista hurling Maggie through the skies. The glimpse becomes shrouded like a solar eclipse, as Maggie's black outfit envelops his view further and further, until her petite body explodes fully onto his face. His ear splitting shouts are drowned beneath the flood of cheers from the audience, and the referee counting the resulting pinfall... ONE! TWO! Ned ends the pinfall with impressive authority, flinging Maggie far away from his chest. For half a beat, Maggie freezes, suddenly aware of the danger that lies before her. Blanchard's sickeningly perverse glare is certainly no antibiotic to these immense fears. Her immediate and logical urgings push her towards a tag with Krista, but Ned's sudden tug on her arm throw that goal to the wayside, and her towards the ropes. Blanchard lowers his head, expecting her to either leap frog him or impale herself on his dome. But the sweethearted Canadian shows a surprising amount of wrestling saavy by stunning Ned with a sunset flip. Problematically, the shocking nature of the hold, yields no actual success, as Blanchard stays rooted on his white leather boots, and Maggie hasn't the strength to drag him down. Wisely abandoning her futile sunset flip attempt, Maggie slides herself through Ned's legs, and hastily moves to her feet. Her deep grey eyes head to the ring ropes, and soon her combat boots try to the do the same. But Ned's unexpected hold on her pink highlights serves as a leash withholding her from her destination. The bothersome grip morphs from annoying to deadly once the Handsome Hustler attaches her into an inverted facelock. After passing repulsive kissey faces to Krista and disgustingly rubbing his hand on Maggie's stomach, Blanchard sinks downwards, bringing Maggie with him and punishing her with an inverted DDT! Piercing shrills of torment fly from Maggie's throat, and land on Krista's face in a look of total horror. Molly, however, is tickled with delight at her sister's suffering, and jumps up and down in disturbing glee. “Hahahaha! Hey, Krista, if I had your breasts, I'd have a black eye by now!” She comments, still jumping into the air. “Honey, if you had my breasts, you'd have a reason to live.” Krista retorts. While Molly contemplates stuffing her bra, her boss gathers speed and momentum by bouncing off the ropes. Once he nears the helplessly over matched girl, he screeches to a sudden halt. But any thoughts that he might bestow Maggie with some mercy are forever dashed, when he begins going through a round of grotesque hip swiveling complete with orgasmic purring. Once that horrid display thankfully comes to a close, Ned sits out and lances his leg through Maggie's chest. She screams as she can almost feel the muscles and ligaments in her neck being shredded by Blanchard's vile attack. Her cries don't arouse any sympathy within Ned's heart, and he casually drapes his arm across her chest for a pinfall.... ONE! COLE That will probably be it! TWO! Earning a mammoth response from the audience, Krista destroys pinfall (and his combover) with a basement dropkick! But, her wishes to do further damage to her vexatious reverse fag-hag go ungranted due to Robinson hastily shuffling her out the ring. With the referee now trapped by the dual distraction of Krista's argument and her sizable breasts, Molly has carte blanche to elevate herself onto the ring apron. Bloodlust warping her usual upbeat voice into devilish growl, she begs Ned to bring Maggie closer. Never wanting to miss a decent catfight, Blanchard more then happily agrees to Molly's request. Once Maggie slogged to the edge of the ring, Molly's firm hold on her highlighted hair brings her away from Ned's clutches, and into the more dangerous one's of Molly. Maggie's throat is assailed by the rough, coarse pressure of the ring ropes, as a giddy Molly seems intent on sawing her head off with the cables. The cries that Molly's attacks brings are horse and weak, brought to near mute status by the fact that Maggie's breath is being slowly dragged away. “BOOOOOO!” Finally Robinson succeeds in some self control, and manages to pull himself away from Krista and her boobs, and back towards the in ring action. But by that time, Molly is back to innocently manning the Siclopse. Meanwhile, Ned hauls the mortally wounded interviewer off the canvas, and after delivering two forearms to her rail thin stomach, he launches her towards the ropes nearest Molly. Surprisingly Molly remains docile, letting Ned's knee to Maggie's chest upon her return cause the suffering she loves to see. The attack flings Maggie head over clunky boots, and she gets a cringe worthy neck first landing that has several in attendance near tears. Not nearly as depressed over Maggie's predicament is Blanchard, who exerts an earnest and mighty effort to pear down her polo shirt. But, when his hunt for cleavage results in failure, Ned lifts Maggie up and fastens her into a standing head scissors. Though she resists against his clutches, she has all the effect of a mosquito stinging an elephant, and Ned is able to easily underhook her skinny arms. In one lightening quick motion, Ned lifts her up, then drills her head into the canvas with an underhook pile driver! Maggie feels as though someone set off a series of explosions within her neck, and a long steady scream comes from the top of her lungs. Delighted by Maggie's song of anguish, The Handsome Hustler marks his triumph by dusting his hands off. COLE This is sick! Its sick that Mackenzie would pick such an unqualified person to be Krista's partner against three time tag team champions. I feel sorry for Maggie. COACH I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR FACE, it looks like somebody KICKED YA ASS WITH THE UGLY STICK DIPPED IN DONKEY SHIT Blanchard hooks Maggie's leg for another pinfall... ONE! TWO! Once again its Krista playing the role of heroine, squashing Ned's hopes of victory with a simple swipe of her boot. She's sharply aware of the fact that she needs to facilitate a distraction in order to allow Maggie a much need escape to the ring apron. As such Krista's high powered, fervor filled voice attempts to win Ned's attention with tune familiar to those of us who spent the better part of our high school years lingering in bathroom stalls at gay bars, “If I could turn back time! If I could find a way! I'd take back those words that've hurt youuuuuu, and you'd stay. If I could reach the staaaaaars! I'd give them all to yoouuu! And you'd love me, love me, like you used to do! My world was shattered, I was torn apart! Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart....” “Stop! Stop it at once!” Ned demands harshly, apparently no fan of the original princess of pop. “Krista, I am not Rico! You've known me since you were in grad school, and you should know by now you can not buy my complacency by burying me knee deep in the top forty hits of our childhood! Damn it, woman!” Dejected and more then a little humiliated by this dressing down, Krista lowers her head, “You're right, Ned, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, my mind is such a mess right now. Its my little brother, Nick, you know? He's having such a rough time with his masters program at UCLA.” Taking her voice to a softer soulful tone, Krista subtly slips into song, “U.C.L.A. prooooved too much for the man. Too much for the man. So he's leavin' the life.....he's come to know. Oooooh Ooooh. He said he's goin. He said he's goin' ooooh ooooooh back to find oooh ooooh what's left of his world The world he left behind......not sooooo long agoohhoooo.” “He's leavin...'” Ned croons, incapable of willing himself to do otherwise. “Leavin!” Krista sings, playing the Pips to Ned's Gladys Knight. “On that midnight train to Georgia” Ned sings, gripped by an otherwordly passion and energy. “Leavin on that midnight train!” Krista echoes. “Said he's going back!” “Going back to find!” ”To find a simpler place and time!” “Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side!” “Nooowwww I'llllll be with him!” “I know ya will!” “On that midnight train to Georgia!” “Leavin on a midnight train to Georgiaaaa, woo woo!” “Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to...ah hell, you did it to me to!” Ned laments, now realizing his first HeldDOWN appearance of 2008 has been memorialized with Gladys Knight karaoke. Worse yet his two minutes of OAOAST Idol has given Maggie all the time she needs to retreat to apron, leaving him to face down the fearsome “mama bear.” Trying to shield his intimidation, Ned stands up and directs quite the virulent glare at the meddling Californian. But, Krista curses Ned with more then classic R&B hits as she temporarily cripples him with a surprise basement dropkick. This capsizes the former tag champ to his knees and makes him a sitting duck for Miss California's next cataclysmic move. Krissy runs the ropes to build speed, and rushes back towards her old flame. She then presses her boot against his knee, using it as a launching pad. From there she takes to the skies and horsewhips the side of her boot along Ned's mouth, as he plummets back to the mat, nearly drained of all life. “Krista, I don't care what Moneymaker says, I know you're a good mom!” A man in a Patrick Roy jersey in the front row shouts. “Thanks!” “My own mother was stabbed to death in front of my tear soaked eyes by her abusive boyfriend when I was twelve, and every time I murder a prostitute I'm haunted by thoughts that there's something I could've done to save her.” KRISTA Clutching his sore face, and attempting to guard it against further attacks from the Angle Award winning covergirl, Ned staggers to his feet. But all the attention devoted to protecting his face comes with a horrible downfall; he has no defense against Krista circling her bare arms around his neck. Left defenseless, his only option is too scream in horror as the SoCal sex kitten punishes him with the Blonds Never Pay a Cover (side effect!). While the capacity crowd loudly applauds her return to dominance, Krista hooks Ned's outside leg for a pivotal pinfall.... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Somehow, Ned succeeds in kicking out of the fall, an action that earns a large amount of annoyed groans. As his partner orders the crowd to be silent, Ned begins a painful roll to him, desperately seeking a tag. But his eyes track the horrifying sight of Krista stalking his escape path, looking like a construction worker gone horribly mad, and seriously underclothed. Ned realizes his efforts for a tag will be endlessly kiboshed with Krista breathing fire down his neck and so seeks to rectify that problem. His athletic frame shoots itself off the canvas, directing its shoulder square into her toned stomach. The attack lands with excellent precession, and Ned is quick to take advantage of the moment of weakness it creates. His hands snap together in front of her sore stomach, and his raw power lifts her into the air. Unfortunately, the fact that her body is soaked in baby oil, causes her to begin sliding free of his grasp. But Ned counteracts such potential pitfalls by simply tilting his body forward and crashing her into the canvas with an amateur style takedown. Before Krista can properly react to the abrupt change of position, Ned uses her baby oil lathered body to his advantage in order to quickly twirl to her front for a front facelock. While tightening the noose that works speedily to constrain her breathing, Ned brings her to her feet for no other reason then to gaze down her shirt. However, Ned's lewd tendencies again mastermind his destruction, as the sight of Kris' voluptuous breasts are replaced by the sight of her elbow slashing across his face. The formerly dormant Singleton is introduced to the match in an equally painful way, and is dropped to the apron courtesy of a leaping spin kick! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Seeking instant retribution, Ned fires a closed fist at Krista's face. Problematically, his hands connect solidly with her yellow tinted goggles, reducing him to a balling wreck. With Ned momentarily incapacitated, BOSS retries his luck with his longtime rival, but meets with similar disaster as Krista headbutts him way. She does, however, spend far too much time mocking his whimpering anguish and this seems to allow Ned to capture her by surprise. But Krista is quite aware of his approach, and uses the turnbuckles as a base to kick both her legs towards her rival. But, Ned manages to avoid the attack by catching onto her ruffled socks and flinging her legs towards the ropes. Though Blanchard's intention was to violently propel her from the ring, the fan favorite stymies his plans by landing her jean shorted tush onto the middle ropes. “Sweet mother of science!” Ned complains, as he tries to beat Krista down with a clubbing forearms. But, Miss California's own forearm moves light years faster then Ned's and swats him away to the crowd's incredible joy. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” But their moment of good feelings are massacred in the most detestable way; Simon returns to the fracas by lifting his shoe straight into her chin. The attack lands with expert accuracy, proving to be unbearably painful, as all at once, Krista loses her breath and falls backwards into the ring. Strained moans slowly peek out her mouth, as a glut of tears flow from beneath her goggles down the contours of her pained face. While Blanchard taunts Maggie by inviting her into the ring, Singleton comically tries to maintain innocence, despite his foul play being seen by a million witnesses worldwide. COLE To me its a shame that blatant foul play runs so rampant through The Enterprise. They don't even try to hide their cheating, they just outright commit these obvious fouls! COACH Cracka, you stay losing, you get boned by Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers while you pop lock to the drum solo in Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" . Lent emotional support by the chants of the audience, Krista puts forth a massive effort to bring herself off the canvas. But the crippling headache Simon's attack has inflicted her with makes standing up frustratingly difficult. Her situation is made even more dire when Ned latches onto her pigtails and uses them to drape her across the second rope. The Handsome Hustler draws out the heated wrath of the audience, as his fingers squeeze through Krista's luxurious golden hair, pressing her head and throat into the cable. As Blanchard makes every attempt to suffocate her, the GLAADiator falls in and out of blackness, the only thing keeping her awake being the constant love and cheers from the audience. Eventually Ned grows bored of wearing Krista into submission with illegal chokes and allows her to go free. Unfortunately, freedom doesn't permit her to go very far, or anywhere at all, as the searing anguish in her throat keeps her paralyzed. Its only the front facelock of Ned Blanchard that grants her any sort of movement; he lifts her off the canvas and transports her to his corner, where he finally brings the action-hungry Simon Singleton into the bout. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” Thrilled be doing something more besides being on the giving end of illegal attacks, Simon proudly proclaims, “Hereeeeeeees Simon!” “Speaking to us from the dead, I hope.” Krista manages to mutter. Her smart mouth attracts the ire of The Blonds and they quickly decide to punish her for her wisecracking. Ned begins to whip her towards her corner, but instead reverses her course, and sends her hurtling towards BOSS. The bones in Krista's back emit a heart wrenching cracking noise as she suffers through a horrendous collision with Si's raised knees. Crying out in monumental hurt, she staggers away from the Video Voyeur, simply merely searching out a place to pass out. Sadly her travels carry her towards an airborne Blanchard. And then Krista isn't staggering anymore, she's flipping through the air, courtesy of the 90210 Enziguri. Krista's eyes go wide, and she makes a gagging noise in her throat, as the signature attack only heaps more misery onto her pounding headache. Smirking with satisfaction over the injury he's burdened Krista with, Ned leaves Simon to the kick the dirt onto her grave. Earning further jeers from the audience, Singleton films Krista with an imaginary camera. But when she groggily rises to a sitting position, killer instincts replace his directorial ones and she speeds across the ring. Once he nears her, his hands fall upon the side of her head, and his body twists through the air in a whiplash. Krista's neck snaps backwards and soon her entire body follows suit, able to do nothing else besides whimper and groan. “My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia! My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia! My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia!” Simon sings out in his grating South Carolina accent. With no one particularly enamored with his musical styling, the downhearted BOSS attempts a pin. ONE! TWO! But Krista tears her shoulder away from the canvas, and the audience is ecstatic as a result. Simon, however, tunnels a hole through Robinson with a frustrated glare. While the ref shyly holds up two fingers, Krista expends a great deal of energy by standing up on her own power. Double S instantly pounces on her, clamping down with another front facelock. Feeling the pooling warmth of pain around her neck, Krista wildly fights back, and finally manages to break free of his hold. She acts quick and attempts to fling him to the cables. But the sultan of the box office handily reverses the motion to send her bouncing off the ropes. As she returns to the center of the ring, Simon's leg shoots out for a deadly roundhouse! But the blond beauty avoids the fatal collision with an agile roll, and continues her charge to the ropes. However, her return to BOSS meets a grizzly end, Simon springs towards with the speed of a jungle cat, and catches onto her neck. Her forward momentum is then turned against her, and she's brought down by a modified neckbreaker. “Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia. Woo Woo!” Simon shouts. COLE Krista can't honestly tag out, because that wold put Maggie in extreme danger, so basically she's fighting a two on one handicap against the only team besides The South Central Militia to have ever beaten her. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” bleat the crowd, led on by Maggie. Singleton hammers the sole of his boot deep into Krista's fully exposed back, shooting shockwaves of agony throughout her entire body. A trio of similar stomps follow suit, each bringing forth more disheartening convulsions. Simon calls an unexpected end to his stomping, now possessed by a mad intent to shatter her wounded neck with a German Suplex. He hauls her petite figure off the canvas with a tightly held rear wasitlock. Singleton hoists her as high as his stubby arms will allow her, then bridges backwards executing the mammoth suplex! While the audience reacts with sympathetic cries and cringes, the force of the hold involuntarily floats Krista upright and directs the dazed vixen to the Blonds corner. Always looking for an excuse to inflict as much pain as possible on Krista, Ned leans over the ropes and rudely slugs her in the back of the head with a forearm! Not only does this cheap shot give rise to an ear splitting orchestra of boos, but it appears to light a passionate fire within Krista's heart. Straining to see through the blotches of hot sweat that fog her yellow visor, she lunges at him with a straight left cross. However The Hustler eludes her questing hands by quickly leaping off the ring apron, leaving his attacker to awkwardly crash against the ropes. As Ned grins on the outside, Krissy wobbles into a neckbreaker from Simon! Upon seeing his vanquished adversary sprawl across the mat in defeat, Simon scurries to cover her and make this victory official. ONE! TWO! Somehow Krista finds the power within her to kickout the pinfall. The fans are wholly appreciative of her show of strength and shower with cheers of support. But, as they do this, Simon angrily showers the top of her head with closed fists, making certain to avoid her protective goggles. When he completes his brawling based assault, he brings Krista off the mat by her boobilcious bikini top. Sneering like a raving lunatic, his piercing black eyes scour the ring for someway to use the environment to inflict mortal damage upon his foe. One gaze at Krista's weary face, though, fills his mind with the perfect scheme. He drags Krista to his corner, and with brutal precision scrapes the side of her head off the turnbuckle. Watching Krista sink to the mat in white hot pain, Ned decides he wants to resume his most adored past time of making Krista's life hell. A quick tag is made, and Blanchard strides into the ring accompanied by depreciable chuckling. He immediately leaps on her weakened state, blasting her with the most hate filled stomps he's ever thrown. At Molly's urging Ned scrapes Krista's weakened body off the mat, putting a firm and insulting grasp on her round tush as he does so. Chants of “Let’s go Krista” roar from every inch of the arena, but Ned absolutely refuses to allow the fan favorite an opportunity to make a comeback. COACH Look at the way Moneymaker is running school on Krista. Look at that. Moneymaker is so powerful, he ain't even gotta be present to bring upon the end of Krista. His acolytes is out there doing it for him. Moving his hand from her ass to her wrist, Blanchard shoots Krista off to the ropes. Her return is marked by Ned latching onto her slender waist and foisting her into the sky in a gorilla press slam position. Hovered in the air for all to see, Krista's miserable situation becomes a flash point for the crowd, and they belt Ned with every piece of profanity their vulgar mouthes can muster. Greatly exhausted, Krissy expends what little energy she has left on a weak escape effort. But her valiant quest for freedom falls well short when placed against Ned's sizable strength. He lowers her across his shoulders in a fireman's carry position, then spins her behind him to shatter her neck with another neckbreaker. Fearfully, Maggie shudders, brought to grave concern for Krista's welfare. Caught up in a fit of delirious chortling and self satisfaction for his mammoth move, Ned drapes his arm across Krista's chest. ONE TWO Motivated by rage, Maggie rushes into the ring to break up the count with a body splash! As cheers replace the boos of hatred for Ned, the disgusted jock rises to plaster the little lady with an open handed slap. But referee Robinson thankfully acts as a barricade between the two superstars before Ned can cause Maggie any lasting harm. While the official ushers an agitated Maggie back to her station, Blanchard makes a speedy dash for the ropes. In an unusual display of aerial showmanship that Molly is begging him to not undertake, he springs to the second, then launches himself across the ring with a springboard leg drop! While the move appears to be wonderfully graceful, Molly's warnings prove to be well stated, as Krissy rolls out of the way at the last possible second! The hurt and humiliation from his folly is streaked across Ned's face in sharply bold letters, as he lands right on his flat ass. “YEAAAAA!” COACH I don't understand that usually works on Syndicated! Knowledgeable of the fact that Ned's fantastic gaffe may have irreversibly shifted momentum towards Krista's team, Simon heeds not a single warning from the referee and enters the ring. Unfortunately upon his arrival, Krista is no longer the weak maiden he and Ned reduced her to, and has now comfortably returned to her unbeatable demeanor. Simon is painfully altered to this fact when Krista swipes an elbow across his face. Before the pain of that attack can even register a second elbow lands just beneath his right eye. Eyes watered to near blindness, he can only feel the horrid effects of the fourth elbow. Fortunately, Krista's desire to admire her traffic stopping beauty in her Revlon compact mirror buys Simon a moment to recover. But in a top that small there's little room for a compact mirror, and so Simon is bowled over courtesy of a spinning wheel kick! “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” With Simon's face flattened worse then a pancake and his body quivering on the canvas, Krista can safely depart towards the ropes. However, her return to Simon isn't performed through a simple jog. Rather HeldDOWN's most popular female lets her scintillating dance technique groove her back towards her foe. Playful hands flick through her hair, as bent knees subtly twist in a rhythm energetic enough to match her charming smile. Reaching Simon, Krista's limber body bends forward in one fluid motion, while her hands take a sensual journey from her long legs towards her sumptuous backside. Finally through with her dance routine, Krista rolls through the air with a standing shooting star press! “How awfully awful all this happens to be!” Molly whines. “Don't be sad, Molly, I'm sure the American kennel club will recognize you as a breed at some point.” ONE! TWO! But, Ned dives into the ring to end the pinfall at the last possible nanosecond. The audience boos his interference lustily, but Ned bestows them not a shred of attention, as he pounces on Krista with a front facelock. He drifts her into the sky, eager to drop her throat first across the cables. But, the feisty sex kitten manages to avoid this unwelcome ending by slithering her slippery body through his grasp, succeeding in twisting around so that her back is pointed towards his face. Ned's incapable of adjusting to the shift of position, and as such Krissy meets no trouble in collaring her arm around his neck and impacting his head onto her shoulder with a stunner. The impressive counter pops the audience, but fails to fell Ned, and with droplets of blood trickling from his nose, he angrily charges Krista with a lariat. But the long lost female member of the village people catches his maddened approach with a half nelson. Quickly, Krista strikes him with the I got 99 Problems half nelson facecrusher! “D.A. try to give a girl the shaft again. Half a mill' for bail cause I'm lesbian. All because this fool was harassin them. Tryin to play the girl like he's saccharin. But ain't nuttin sweet bout how I hold my gun I got 99 problems B....” CROWD AND MAGGIE AND A BITCH AIN'T ONE! Unwilling to allow her employers to be decimated by Krista's furious onslaught, a determined Molly rolls in the ring to stop the unstoppable woman. Her presence is undetected by Krista's who far to concerned with striking fashion model-esque pose for the photo journalists. But Maggie refuses to permit her elder sister to cause any harm to Krista, and takes Molly and the audience completely by surprise with a spear! “YEAAAAA!” Wildly panicked by her siblings rage fueled strikes that land atop her face, Molly begins angrily tugging at the strands of Maggie's pink and blond hair. The Nerdly girl throw every droplet of energy into their brawl, cascading across the ring like one miniature ball of yellow, black, and khaki fury. Unable and not exactly caring to control themselves, their frantic fight claims Charles Robinson as a victim as the sisters mow him down like blades from an out of control lawn mower. COLE Maggie certainly showing the testiness of Krista that's for sure! Like mother like daughter? Simon Singleton brings the fight to a sudden end when he hauls Maggie away from his unpaid intern. Struggling to catch her breath, Molly barks heated but gasping orders for her boss to send her sister to the emergency room. More then happy to oblige this request, Simon stuffs Maggie between his legs in a standing head scissors. “Box Office Simon Singleton, twenty four karat brilliant!” Simon bellows, receiving a number of boos from the audience. Far worse is the present he receives from Maggie, that of forearm lodged directly into his testicles. “YEAAAAA!” "Oooooh those are my testicles. Yep, those are my testicles getting ready to come out my mouth. OWWWWWWW!" COLE Oh my! Simon's shrill shrikes of horror come hand in hand with a temper tantrum from Molly, and wild laughter from Maggie, and the audience. Krista, however, sees Simon's misery as the time to strike. She dashes forward, and through planting her hands onto Maggie's shoulders is able to use the bubbly teenager to launch herself at Simon. Her flawlessly smooth legs tighten around Singleton's neck, and throw him over with a hurricanrana! Unfortunately, the force of the move brings Simon back to his feet, where he stands face to face with a fuming Maggie. Too dazed to to strike away the inexperienced wrestler, he's victimized by a back handed pimp slap from the Edmonton native. As the audience roots on his misery, Simon clutches his sore face and attempts to stumble away from the possible mother-daughter torture duo. But he walks himself directly into a side headlock from Krista. Quickly, she attacks him with a nauseating twirl, then brings his head crashing into the canvas with The Life In The Fab Lane (Twist of Fate). “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Maggie isn't capable of basking with Krista in the celebration of the audience, due in no small part towards Ned's pinning her arms behind her back. The GLAADiator has no idea what manner of perverted treachery Ned has schemed, and doesn't wait to find out. Putting her great speed to use, she slides between the gap in their legs. As Ned's arms are still tangled with Maggie's, he lacks the ability to prevent her from attaching her hands across his face. COLE Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey coming up! Choosing life over erection, Ned roughly shoves Maggie away so that he may properly deal with Krista. He weaves his way free of the setup of her finisher, and elevates her onto his shoulders in a standing's fireman's carry. But, Miss California doesn't stay in that position for very long, thanks to Maggie grabbing onto her tanned legs and yanking her free of Ned's shoulders. Obviously flustered by his endless failings, Ned searches out some success by charging the makeshift team with a double lariat. But the naturally blond duo duck bellow his approach, and The Handsome Hustler is forced to take a run off the ropes. His return brings about the end of his time in this contest due to Krista shutting him down with the crowd thrilling You Say Tomato, I say Fuck You (Swinging Reverse STO) COLE Somewhere Mackenzie has to be tearing her hair extensions out! Trying to take advantage of Krista's temporally grounded state, Simon flies off the top rope with the Clapboard Legdrop. But again Maggie saves the day for her possible mother, pulling her away from Simon's path. Thus its Ned who bears the unfortunate brunt of Simon's finisher! “YEAAAAA!” COLE Maggie is proving to be pretty useful after all! Always looking to protect her “mom”! Though Ned's screams are as loud as he's ever heard, Simon has many of his own issues to fret over, chiefly winning a match that's almost totally out his grasp. He rises to an unsteady vertical base, eyeing down the weaker member of Team Krista. But his attention towards Maggie prevents him from noticing that Krista is no where in his sight. Only when her hands snap under his chin is he made aware of her presence. And by then its too late, Simon is already being devoured by the jaws of defeat thanks to the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse X-factor). With Simon throughly trounced by the oddly named finisher, Krista reaches forward to hook his leg for a fall that's scored by referee and crowd alike. CROWD ONE! Molly runs to break up the fall! CROWD TWO! But Maggie chops her down with a lariat! CROWD THREE! An entire arena erupts with monstrous cheers for the victory, passing along high fives and fist pumps as if they were the ones who actually gained the three count. COLE And the Blonds first appearance on HeldDOWN in 2008 meets with failure, unable to match the speed and trickery of Krista Isadora Duncan. They are going to get chewed out BUFFER The winners as a result of pinfall, Krista Isadora Duncan and Maggie Nerdly!! Though Krista remains more subdued after her latest beating of The Blonds, Maggie can't help but be brought to the highs of happiness, and leaps around the ring, jumping and jumping and jumping and DIAMOND CUTTER BY ALIX! “OOOOOOH!” COLE Where the hell did she come from?! The audience reacts stunned cheers for the unexpected appearance of The Hollywood Bad Girl. Alix's emotions are no where near as indecisivene as the audience, and she fastens a look of sick glee upon her face. But this joy isn't directed at Maggie, who Alix has disregarded like she was nothing more then a fruit fly. Its Krista being forced to face down the giggling lunatic eying her with a cold disgust. The audience seems prepared for a physical confrontation, and their loud, blustering, deafening noise becomes a jumbled mess, as a good percentage of the audience backs Krista, but a decent amount throw their lot behind Alix. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!" COLE Are we going to see the two queens of Los Angeles duke it out here tonight?! Disappointing both crowd and announcer, Krista offers a response of no by collecting the dazed Maggie into her arms, and exiting the ring. The burning furnace in Alix's eyes track her retreat up the ramp, and her endless giggling continues to torment Krista. With Krista put on the retreat, Alix's themesong of “Just Be” kicks up, as the Blonds rejoin their Enterprise superior in the ring, and celebrate the sudden appearance of a mean streak. COLE Alix in no condition to wrestle tonight but definitely in condition to diamond cutter Maggie. And such malicious actions are definitely not something we'd expect out of Alix. It so uncharacteristic for her to attack somebody like that, she's always so friendly, and chipper. I really don't know what's going on that girl's head. But I do know we still have an Ultimate X match coming up. Spanish Fly against Tha Puerto Rican. Who takes this key bout on the road to Anglemania? Is this the last stand for Tha Puerto Rican? Or will he secure himself a world title bout in Los Angeles?! We'll find out in the upcoming moments. I can't wait! Patty sez:I'd sell my soul for another non wrestling segment! COMING UP NEXT ULTIMATE X SPANISH FLY VS THA PUERTO RICAN NEXT

HeldDOWN is brought to you by The Clap-I got it. Why don't you? COLE Folks, this past weekend the Fiftieth annual Grammy awards took place, and many a celebrity strolled down the historic red carpet. One of which was recording artist Alix Maria Spezia, of the upcoming album Beauty Crush. Of course our friends at E! got a chance to speak with her, and have been very kind to lend us their footage. So let's see Alix on the red carpet... As promised the video from the much adored much scrutinized red carpet is displayed, after a brief fly through past the A-list minglers and flashing of the E! logo, we see Alix, attired in a red and white checkerboard partnered dress, standing at the side of E! Correspondent Giuliana Rancic. GIULIANA At my side is the cutest little thing in the world, Alix Maria Spezia! Alix, first off I'm gonna ask you what I ask everyone, what are you wearing tonight? ALIX Not a pizza hut table cloth amazingly! I've already been given two orders for personal pan pizzas hold the sausage and a side of breadsticks so I gotta get that out there. Glad to take your $20.99, less glad to have it their in thirty minutes or less. 'Cause that's Dominoes, dude. GIULIANA Let's keep talking fashion, because we've seen some odd outfits tonight, non wilder then Nas' controversial t-shirt. You're a pretty controversial girl yourself. What did you think about Nasty Nas' shirt? ALIX You mean the one with the N word on it? Yeah, ya know, everyone is all chill and like way open minded and cool about it, and that is so awesome, but I gotta be honest with ya I'm a little on the bummed side, babe. I wore that exact same shirt to the last awards show I went to and I got chased down two city blocks by a torch wielding mob of thousands! GIULIANA What award show was that? ALIX The NAACP image awards. GIULIANA As a huge music fan who are you are you really looking forward to meeting tonight? ALIX Who am I really excited to meet? Um, probably Janet Jackson, she's real huge in the LGBT community. You could go from The Boxers or Briefs strip club to Larry Craig's therapy sessions and you couldn't find one dude who hasn't had anonymous sex to her music! GIULIANA Hate to get serous on you, but seeing that you bought up a politician, got any opinions on the election? ALIX Yeah, the whole political bug, that ain't really speaking to me, ya know? Its, like, not my thing. Who wants to go into a dark little booth if you're not even gonna have to pay twenty five cents to be felt up by some old German immigrant that still thinks she's on hide out from the eastern bloc? GIULIANA And what about your upcoming cd? We know your cover of California Dreaming is going to be the lead single, but how many songs will you have? ALIX There's about, oh I dunno, ten songs in total. And we're kinda like splitting them apart so there's five songs on two discs. And I know that sounds crazy like rubber baby buggy bumpers or paying anything besides monopoly money to see a Michael Douglas movie, but five is such a mystical number, it is the number fingers on one hand, the number of musketeers in the three musketeers, and the number of people in a menage a troi. GIULIANA That's three people actually. ALIX Three is such a mystical number as well, G! Its the number of people in the Jackson Five, and the number of people in a fourgy! GIULIANA (laughing) As charming as ever! Alix thanks a whole bunch for talking with me, hope to see you on the receiving end of an award next year. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE Folks as we all know Alix was scheduled to face The Love Doctors with a partner of Krista's choosing here tonight. However, if you've been watching the news you know that on Tuesday Alix was rushed to Cedars-Sinai hospital in Los Angeles for severe exhaustion. However, there is speculation that exhaustion is merely code for other more sinister problems. Inside Edition had a brief up to the minute report on Alix's issues and kindly allowed us to reair their segment. After the Inside Edition logo scrolls on screen, reporter, April Woodson is seen standing outside Cedars-Sinai hospital in the middle of a typically warm winter day in LA. WOODSON Alix Maria Spezia was apparently dragged through the ER doors of Cedar-Sinai Hospital on Tuesday before collapsing from what some are now speculating may have been an overdose of drugs. When Spezia reached the reception desk, her legs buckled and she sunk backwards to the floor with a piercing shriek before she could utter a single word. The party-loving star’s brown hair fell around her shoulders as the medical staff rushed her for emergency treatment. The lesbian icon, whose stick-thin frame and wild mood swings, has worried friends and fans alike, was given an adrenaline shot in the chilling early hours drama. She was released Wednesday morning into the care of girlfriend Mackenzie DeCenzo, who declined to comment on the situation. Inside edition will have more as this story develops. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE Obviously doctors haven't cleared Alix to wrestle here on HeldDOWN, saying that she's in no condition to preform. Coach, I guess the question is, does Alix even have the capacity to realize she seems to have a problem? Everyone knows she's very fun loving, and she's always liked to party, but without Krista to control her, is she spiraling out of control? COACH I guess the question is why you believing some dumbass tabloid show? Next thing I know you'll be citing the Star as a source talkin bout eighty foot condors gave birth to My Favorite Martian. Hell outta here with that weak mess. You a Perez Hilton, TMZ, type of fool, ain't you? You wear The Ugandan Giant "Kamala's" Afrikan Mask with Ric Flair's robe buttnaked with only a turnbuckle pad covering your vagina while you walk down the street to Big Bossman's enterance song!. COLE Why do I even bother? Already in the ring is Mike Denmark, 6'2; 240 pounds from Indianapolis, Indiana. (Generic Japanese string music that goes into a stock rock song accompanies GENSHOU, a Japanese wrestler in white gi pants and wearing all black make-up comes to the ring. He throws thin streamers out of his hands as he slowly creeps to the ring; when he enters, he goes down to one knee and sprays green mist in the air) BUFFER From Yokohama, Japan; weighing in at 232 pounds...he is GENSHOU! COACH We know very little about this man other than he's a dangerous master of the martial arts who favors striking. COLE We don't even know how he got here. This guy wasn't even on the wrestling radar a week ago; now he's got a debut on HeldDOWN~! and a fancy entrance on national TV! *BELL RINGS* GENSHOU goes for the kill immediately, stepping in and connecting with a hard thrust kick to Mike Denmark's throat in the corner! He pulls Denmark up and stands him in the corner, then connects with multiple machine gun-style chops to the chest. GENSHOU gives Denmark an Irish whip that sends him into the opposite corner, then hits a cartwheel handspring rounding kick to the face! GENSHOU pulls Denmark out of the corner and hits a snapping side suplex. GENSHOU then busts out a standing moonsault, but refuses the pin. He pulls Denmark up with a front facelock, then starts destroying Denmark's face with Muay Thai knees to the face! The referee tries to get in to stop things, as he sees Denmark's blood covering GENSHOU's white pants, but GENSHOU breaks the clutch before the ref can stop the match. GENSHOU drags Denmark into position on the mat, then climbs the top rope...CORKSCREW MOONSAULT! COLE We understand that one is called the Oriental Tsunami. COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! *BELL RINGS* BUFFER The winner of this contest...GENSHOU! COACH That is one impressive victory from what looks to be an impressive athlete. COLE He bludgeoned and bloodied this poor soul, but my question is: how did this man get here and who brought him? GENSHOU crawls towards the cameraman that's shooting him, then sprays mist into the camera lens. COLE TO THE BACK! No. A MARVelous Experience Once Every Four Years February 28th 2008 COMING UP NEXT MORE ENTERTAINING THEN A CHILD SUPPORT SUIT! Beverly Hills Blonds Vs Krista Isadora Duncan and ???? NEXT

Like the Angels hits, and the fans get to their feet as MARV and MEL walk through the curtains. They pump their fists, and two rockets of pyro go off behind them, one blue and one orange. COLE It's the finals of the Los Infernales bracket here on HeldDOWN, with the winner going on to the Leap Year Spectacular! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is the Finals of the Los Infernales bracket of the Anderson Cup! Making their way to the ring, hailing from Laguna Beach, California, weighing in at a total combined weight of 370 pounds...they are the #5 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...the CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSST AIRRRRR EXXXXXXPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE MARV and MEL, looking to get back to the top of the tag team mountain, on the way defeating the Beverly Hills Blonds and the team of Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara to get to this point! MARV and MEL get in the ring and fire the crowd up, as Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Team Heyross makes their way to the ring, getting a mixed reaction. BUFFER Their opponents, at a combined weight of 485 pounds...they are the #3 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COACH Team Heyross had a little tougher road to get here, Cole, IMO. They had to go through Jumbo and Deuce, over 800 pounds, and then a big win over the Heavenly Rockers last week! Benjamin climbs to the second rope from the outside, pointing into the main camera and putting his team over. He then hops in and ambushes MARV, knocking him through the ropes from behind! COLE And we're underway, the finals of the Los Infernales bracket! MEL starts to hammer on Benjamin in a corner, but Moss quickly comes to his aid, hammering MEL from behind and tossing him to the outside. Team Heyross follows them out to the floor, and engage in a slugfest, but the Express win out, and roll them back into the ring. MEL quickly knocks Moss to the floor, then joins MARV in a double-team Irish whip, and they catch Benjamin with a BIG backdrop! COLE Big backdrop from the Christ Air Express! They whip him across again, and catch him with a double dropkick! MARV and MEL then knock Moss off the apron as Benjamin rolls outside. COLE And Team Heyross looking to regroup, fast start by the Christ Air Express! Benjamin rolls back inside, and ties up with MARV. After a brief struggle, MARV executes an armdrag! Benjamin rolls to his feet, sizes MARV up briefly, then ties up again. This time, Benjamin backs him into a corner, and starts to deliver right hands, then brings him out and delivers a scoop slam, then quickly goes to the top rope. COACH Quentin going upstairs early! MARV beats him up, delivers a shot to the gut, then grabs him. COLE But he got caught! MARV tosses Benjamin to the mat! He then whips Benjamin into the ropes, executes a leapfrog, then jumps up, puts his feet into the midsection of Benjamin, and rolls over for a monkey flip! COLE And a nice monkey flip from MARV! MARV continues the assault, firing off right hands and whipping Benjamin into the ropes, catching him with a flying forearm! MARV then goes to the outside. COLE And now it's MARV going upstairs! MARV catches Benjamin with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin quickly scurries to his corner to regroup. After some conversation with his partner, he circles the ring. COACH Surprised Benjamin didn't make a tag there, he took a lot of punishment in that sequence! He ties up with MARV, and MARV backs him into his corner, where he tags in MEL. MEL and MARV wring the arms of Benjamin, then wring them back the other way, then floor Benjamin with a double chop! COLE Nice teamwork there from MEL and MARV! MEL picks up Benjamin and whips him across the ring, but puts his head down, and Benjamin delivers a blow to the back. Benjamin then scoops MEL up, but MEL slides behind the back, then backs into the ropes, ducks a Benjamin spinkick, and catches him with a dropkick! Benjamin gets to his feet, and catches another dropkick! COLE Quentin Benjamin not faring well in there right now! Benjamin rolls into his corner, where he makes a tag. Moss comes in and sticks his hands out, backing MEL off. He then reaches to the outside and grabs something from the timekeeper. COLE What's this? Moss grabs a ninja headband from the timekeeper, and starts to tie it around his head, as the crowd laughs. COACH Oh, here we go! Charlie told me he's been studying karate! Moss goes into a martial arts pose, and challenges MEL to take him on. MEL reluctanly obliges, and moves in. He tries a jab, but Moss blocks, then hits MEL with one of his own! Moss follows with kicks in the corner, then backs out and poses, gaining some cheers from the crowd. Moss moves back in, and tries another kick, but MEL catches his foot, then spins him around, and catches him with a dropkick! Benjamin jumps in, and takes one as well! Team Heyross rolls to the outside once again, as the Express celebrates in the ring. COLE Moss gained a brief advantage with some martial arts kicks, but MEL comes right back! Moss rolls back in, and takes the headband off, then ties up with MEL and quickly goes to a drop toehold. MEL slips out, and puts Moss in a hammerlock! Moss works his way off the mat, and counters back to the drop toehold, but MEL slips out again and reapplies the hammerlock! Moss again works his way to his feet, and this time plants an elbow into the face of MEL, and tagging Benjamin. Benjamin comes in, and is quickly caught with an armdrag by MEL! COLE And MEL was waiting for Quentin right there! MEL bars the arm, but Benjamin backs him into the corner and delivers right hands to break it up. He whips MEL out of the corner, but MEL hops to the second rope, and hops back, catching Benjamin with a bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin rolls to the outside, where MEL follows him out with a SHOOTING STAR SUICIDA~!!! COLE MEL to the outside! MEL slowly rolls back in, and celebrates with his partner, as the crowd chants HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Benjamin rolls back in the ring, and tags in Moss. Moss tells the referee that MEL has a foreign object. COLE Moss complaining about something here... After a brief discussion, the referee checks out MEL, which opens the door for Moss to deliver forearm to the face! COACH Smart move by Charlie Moss! MARV comes in to complain, and Benjamin climbs in. He and Moss whip MEL into the ropes, and catch him with a double elbow! COLE And a nice double team-move, as well! Moss whips MEL into a corner, then whips Benjamin across...but MEL moves out of the way! MEL then rolls underneath a Moss clothesline, and into his corner, where MARV comes flying off the top rope and hits both members of Team Heyross with a flying bodypress! COLE Great bodypress from MARV! MEL jumps onto both guys... 1... 2... Kickout! MARV jumps on... 1... 2... Kickout! Both guys jump on... 1... 2... Kickout! MEL grabs Moss, MARV grabs Benjamin, and ram their heads together! COLE The ol' double noggin knocker! Team Heyross rolls to the outside again, and the Express celebrates. COLE And Team Heyross in deep, deep trouble here, as it's been the Christ Air Express all the way! Benjamin rolls back in, and ties up with MEL. Benjamin backs MEL into the ropes, delivers a right hands, then whips him across. Benjamin tries to catch MEL with a slam, but MEL goes behind the back, and rolls him up in a reverse sunset! However, Moss has made a blind tag, and he climbs in and clotheslines MEL off! COACH Benjamin made the tag on his way over! Good move! Moss tosses MEL to the outside, and whips him into the guardrail! COLE MEL sent hard into the railing! And now it looks like Team Heyross will take the advantage! Moss rolls back inside and celebrates, as the crowd is divided between the two teams. COACH And Team Heyross again, these guys are rapidly gaining fans, Cole! As MEL climbs back onto the apron, Moss knocks him right back off into the guardrail once again! COLE And MEL again into the steel! This time, Moss follows him out, and rolls him back inside, then makes a tag to Benjamin. Moss hooks MEL and executes a slingshot, right into a Benjamin superkick! COLE Great double team move, one of the staples of this team! Benjamin covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin executes a snap suplex, then tags Moss back in. Moss sets MEL across the ropes, then picks him up by the legs, placing his ankles on his shoulders. Benjamin then runs to the ropes, leaps over Moss, and comes down on MEL! COACH Here we go again! Moss covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Moss backs MEL into a corner and kicks away, then executes a gutwrench suplex! 1... 2... Shoulder up! Moss tags in Benjamin, who whips MEL into the corner, and charges...but MEL gets the foot up! COLE And MEL should make a tag here! MEL tries to dive over Benjamin to his corner, but Benjamin catches his leg and holds him back, then gets to his feet and drops an elbow on him. Benjamin then picks up MEL, and slams him to the mat, then climbs to the top. COACH And this cost Quentin earlier in the match! Benjamin gets his balance on the top rope, then comes down with a big legdrop! Benjamin does a backwards somersault to his feet, then celebrates, getting another mixed reaction. Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But MEL keeps kicking out! Keeping hope alive for that appearance in the Anderson Cup Finals! Benjamin tags in Moss, who chokes MEL on the ropes, then whips him into the ropes. He puts his head down, and MEL executes a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Moss quickly gets to his feet and grabs MEL, then tags Benjamin. Moss whips MEL into the ropes, and catches him with a savate kick, followed by a Benjamin swinging neckbreaker! COLE Well, Team Heyross took a while to get going, but they're looking real sharp in there right now! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Moss tags back in, and executes a double underhoook suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin tags back in, and tosses MEL to the outside. Benjamin waits for MEL to climb back up, then tries to slingshot him back in with the top rope, but MEL counters and slingshots Benjamin over the top to the outside! COLE Nice counter move by MEL! However, when MEL climbs back in, he's met with a clothesline from Moss! Moss then tries to ram MEL into a buckle, but MEL blocks, and rams Moss! He tries it again, but Moss blocks and thumbs him in the eye. COACH MEL should have tried to tag there! Moss delivers some right hands, then tags in Benjamin. Moss and Benjamin whip MEL into the ropes, then put their heads down, but MEL rolls over the top of them, into his corner, where he tags MARV! COLE TAG MADE, and MARV in the ring! Marv fires off rights on both guys, then rams both their heads together! He whips Moss into the ropes, and catches him with a flying shoulderblock! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Benjamin saves! MEL catches Benjamin with a spinning heel kick! He then scoop-slams Benjamin on the far side of the ring, and he and MARV signal the end! COLE Could this be it? The Express grabs Moss, and executes the HAPPY ENDING~!!!!!11111 COLE The Happy Ending from the Christ Air Express! MARV covers, but the referee is trying to put MEL out of the ring! Finally he turns around... 1... 2... NO!!! Moss gets his foot on the rope! COLE SO close, Moss saved by the ropes! MARV climbs to the top, but Benjamin shoves him off! Benjamin then climbs to the top, as Moss knocks MEL out of the ring. Moss then scoops up MARV, and they execute the SUPER ROCKER DROPPER~!!!!!11111 COACH This is it! Moss covers, but this time the referee is putting Benjamin out! COLE And again the referee's back turned! As Moss gets up to complain, MEL pulls MARV out, and slides into the ring. Moss turns back to MEL, and gets rolled up in a small package! 1... 2... NO!!! Kickout! COLE The Express switched out! COACH See, now that's not right! They should be disqualified for such tomfoolery! COLE MEL grabs Moss in a side headlock, and Moss shoves him off. Moss drops down, MEL hops over...and gets caught with a kick to the back of the head from Benjamin! COLE Benjamin from the outside! Moss catches MEL with a quick small package... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE HE GOT HIM! Team Heyross is going to the Anderson Cup Finals! BUFFER The winners of the match, and the Los Infernales Bracket...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE Team Heyross wins, and what a matchup that sets up in the finals! It's going to be Team Heyross against the Sooner Bruisers! COACH Oh, I can't wait, Cole! Team Heyross celebrates after the match, until MARV shoves Quentin Benjamin from behind. COACH We're not done yet, Cole! MARV briefly goes to check on MEL, then helps him up. MARV and MEL make their way over, and exchange words with Team Heyross, before sticking their hands out. COLE Look at this! The Christ Air Express offering the handshake here! What respect! Moss and Benjamin look at each other for a second, then accept the handshakes! All four men exchange handshakes as "Mean" Gene Okerlund steps into the ring, followed by Bill Watts and a man with a silver sphere-shaped trophy, then MEL and MARV depart. COLE A great show of sportsmanship after a hard-fought match! Four winners in the ring, but it'll be Team Heyross going onto the Finals! Right now, let's go up to the ring! WATTS Thank you, Michael...first off, I want to congratulate the Christ Air Express, a valiant effort in this match, and an impressive tourney run. But unfortunately, there can only be one winner in the Los Infernales bracket, and it's the tremendous duo known as Team Heyross! The crowd cheers, as the attendant hands Benjamin the trophy and Watts shakes hands with him and Moss. OKERLUND OK, Quentin Benjamin...with all the accolades you and your partner have received here in the OAOAST, you have never held the big prize, the OAOAST World tag team titles. You are now just one win away from earning that right at AngleMania! BENJAMIN That's always been a big chip on our shoulder, Gene...we've never felt we've gotten the respect we deserve from the championship committee, but two weeks from now, they won't have any choice but to give us that respect! The crowd cheers as Benjamin hands the trophy over to Moss. OKERLUND And Charlie Moss, next up, the Sooner Bruisers at the Leap Year Spectacular. MOSS I'm pumped up right now, I'm ready for that match...the Sooners are a terrific team, and it's going to be a classic match. But I have no doubt at the end that we'll be raising a bigger trophy two weeks from now! The crowd cheers, as Moss raises the trophy in the air, then hands it to Benjamin, who does the same. OKERLUND All right, there you have it from Team Heyross, the Los Infernales bracket champions! Let's go back to Sofa Central! COLE All right, thank you Mean Gene! Two terrific matches here tonight, and it's only going to get better two weeks from now, when Team Heyross meets the Sooner Bruisers for the Anderson Cup at Leap Year Spectacular on February 28th from Saint Louis, Missouri. Its the gateway to the west, hosting the gateway to Anglemania. But, fans, stay tuned because coming up we've got scenes from the Fiftieth annual Grammy Awards! COMMERCIAL

As viewers across the globe return to their couches they're treated to the image of Michael Buffer positioned inside the ring. BUFFER The following Anderson Cup bout is scheduled for one fall with a 45 minute time limit and is for the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Championship! "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter blasts through the loud speakers and the Sooner Bruisers emerge as the clear favorites in our next match. BUFFER Introducing first, hailing from the great state of Oklahoma, at a total combined weight of 530 pounds and ranked second in the MWC Conference, the former professional wrestling tag team champions of the world, BIG FRANK and UBER... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Oiled from head to toe is Big Frank, but even more noticeable is the heavily bandage left knee and slight limp of Uber. COLE There you see the battle scar from last week's encounter with the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, whom the Bruisers defeated to advance to the MWC Conference Finals here tonight. COACH And you know what they say about a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Which is why things are about to get quite interesting. Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price With the biggest shit-eating grins imaginable on their faces, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright are rather jovial for two men about to square off against the most punishing tag team in OAOAST history. Perhaps still giddy over the acquisition of Mrs. Spezia's Cookies. BUFFER And their opponents, being led down the aisle by their Chief Financial Officer, MACKENZIE DECENZO, and Director of Security, CPA. Representing the Enterprise, the top ranked team in the MWC Conference, also former tag team champions...CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Moneymaker asks for and receives the microphone from Michael Buffer. THEODORE Cut the music. * music dies * THEODORE Bruisers, as independent contractors I know you're forced to live paycheck to paycheck like all the other nickel-and-dimers in the arena and watching at home. I also know Big Frank that your brother is nursing a boo-boo that may require surgery later down the line without the proper rehabilitation program, the kind of which you won't receive under the OAOAST's healthcare plan, or lack thereof. So I'm prepared to offer you the deal of a lifetime. For walking away with your personal welfare in tact, I'm willing to PAY for the treatment Uber rightly deserves. That means the finest doctors money can buy will ensure you'll never have to miss any time and therefore a payday if you accept my offer. Because I'm in such a good mood tonight, I'll even include a cool million dollars for each of you! BIG FRANK Throw in the broad and you got a deal. MACKENZIE THEODORE Gentlemen... Mackie begins nodding, as if saying, you put them in their place Teddy. THEODORE ...it's been a pleasure doing business with you. MACKENZIE COLE I can't believe Theodore Moneymaker just pimped out his Chief Financial Officer. COACH Who says Mr. Moneymaker is partisan? He used a page out of the Clinton playbook! Although that means you're about to be suspend for your "pimped out" comment, Mikey. MACKENZIE No, I'm seeing Alix. BIG FRANK Girl, I don't know if you're a hardcore dyke or just bi, but once I insert my disc into your drive you'll forget about the rest and come with the best. On second thought, you're a bit tacky for my tastes. The Superfreak may like 'em a bit freaky but they also need to be classy, and you ain't got no class for me to start tapping that ass. Mackie SLAPS Big Frank. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Known for his short temper, code for ROID RAGE, Big Frank moves in on Mackenzie but is confronted by CPA. BIG FRANK You better sit your ass down before I knock you on it! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" CPA removes his sleeveless t-shirt in response and gears up for war. So focused are Big Frank and Uber on the Enterprise's Director of Security, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright slip behind them undetected. And Wright BLASTS Big Frank with his BRIEFCASE, sending the Man of Tomorrow flying out to the floor as Moneymaker delivers a CHOP BLOCK on Uber!!! COLE For the second week in a row a chop block has been used to bring Uber down. That move has no purpose in professional wrestling and ought to be outlawed in my opinion. It can end a man's career, damn it. COACH Uber has only himself to blame, Cole. It's not Teddy's fault the guy is totally unaware of his surroundings. You wouldn't see him or CW get clipped I promise you that. Ever the opportunist, Christian Wright slams the briefcase down on the bandage knee of Uber Bruiser just before referee Earl Hebner signals for the bell, sliding it over to Mackenzie once he‘s through. * DINGDINGDING * Wright rips off the knee pad/bandage on Uber's leg and with Moneymaker's help drags him to their corner, where they repeatedly slap his leg across the ring post! "OW, OW, OW...OWWWWWWWW!" The fans HOWL in support of the Psycho Gremlin, who's also howling but in pain. COACH Who'd have thought the Sooner Bruisers would become such fan favorites a year ago? COLE The fans certainly love their smash mouth style of wrestling. Winning isn't enough for them, they want to beat you up in the process! But right now they're the ones getting beat up. Whatever's in that briefcase of Christian Wright's has knocked Big Frank loopy. Right on cue, we cut to a shot of the Man of Tomorrow struggling to his feet. Inside, a tag has been made and after stretching the hamstring Theodore Moneymaker locks on the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK!! COACH With the condition Uber's knee is in, you gotta wonder how much longer he can go, Cole. Then again, he's stupid enough to risk his career just to prove he's a big tough guy. COLE The Bruisers are built like tanks, and you can't break a tank. The Psycho Gremlin steadfastly refuses to quit, the perspiration dripping off his red face as he grits his teeth in a desperate attempt to block the pain. Senior official Earl Hebner right there to make the call, face to face with Uber...but it opens the door for Teddy and CW to lock hands for added leverage! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A split second behind the crowd, Earl turns and sees nothing but CW chatting with CPA in the corner. Suddenly Mackie begins screaming "He tapped out. He tapped out!" EARL Played like a fool, Earl asks Uber if he tapped. "No!" howls the Psycho Gremlin, pointing behind the official as Teddy and CW lock hands again. COLE Damn it, Earl. Turn around! Everybody in the arena sees the illegal double-team except the guy in the stripes. Unbelievable. Earl takes another look, but now CW is chatting with Mackie. He questions Wright and of course he denies any shenanigans. BIG FRANK has enough. Having shook off the cobwebs, the Man of Tomorrow storms inside and breaks the grip of Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker, spiking the Billion Dollar Heir with a big elbow before knocking CW off the apron!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The MWC top seed and high ranking Enterprise members are fast to regroup, as Moneymaker and Wright tag. Clawing towards his corner, Uber is drilled by a MIDDLE ROPE ELBOW DROP! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT, AND WITH AUTHORITY! COLE Down but not out is Uber Bruiser. Still a lot of fight left in the Psycho Gremlin. CW measures Uber and drops him with a SUPERKICK. Rather than go for the cover Wright grapevines the legs and applies the WALLSTREET CLOVERLEAF!! COACH Another painful submission hold right there, Cole. If Uber doesn't put his pride aside he's gonna leave with a broken leg. "UBER!" "UBER!" "UBER!" Too far away from the ropes Uber must somehow escape Wright's clutches or quit. Needless to say, he chooses the former and displays a tremendous amount of upper body strength PUSHING UP AND OUT to flip Christian Wright over! MACKENZIE ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! COLE How about that? Uber was simply trying to get out of the Wallstreet Cloverleaf and nearly scored the pin. COACH That surprised him as much as it did CW. As you said, Uber was just looking for a way out of the hold and almost got the 1-2-3. Christian got trapped underneath for a second. A couple of seconds to be exact. Wright rolls to his corner to make the tag and Moneymaker catches the Psycho Gremlin with a BILLION $ KNEELIFT, then drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! The Billion Dollar Heir smashes Uber's shin down onto his bent knee, then goes for the figure-4...but Uber kicks him in the rear and Theodore smacks his face into the turnbuckle, stumbling back into the arms of Uber Bruiser and a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Unfortunately for the Bruisers, Moneymaker lands near the Enterprise side of the ring and easily tags out. Christian Wright sneaks up behind Uber, now on his feet and facing his corner, and brings him down with an INVERTED DDT! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO!! WRIGHT The Natural stomps Uber hard in the chest and sets him up for a piledriver, with Theodore Moneymaker ready to spike him from the top...but the Psycho Gremlin COUNTERS with a BACKDROP and catches Moneymaker on the way down in a POWERSLAM!! "OW, OW, OW...OWWWWWWWW!" With his two major obstacles out of the way, Uber is finally able to make the (HOT) TAG! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Big Frank nails Christian with a series of right hands, then fires him off and delivers a PRESS SLAM! Moneymaker receives a slam of his own but of the traditional variety. Kick to the gut double CW over, and the Man of Tomorrow follows up with a TIGER BOMB!! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO!!! The pin is broken up by Theodore Moneymaker. He rakes Big Frank's eyes and sets for an Irish whip, but it's reversed and the Billion Dollar Heir gets taken around the world for free in a TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM!! COLE The Bruisers are leaving Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright black and blue. COACH This referee has lost control of the match, Cole. Big Frank's gouging eyes, pulling hair and I think even uttered something anti-Semitic. COLE (appalled) He did no such things. Big Frank signals for the FRANKENSTENER and shoots CW in, but CPA trips him up and the Man of Tomorrow lands hard on the canvas. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Wright shakes off the cobwebs and readies Big Frank for a Stockmarket Crash, but it's blocked twice and Big Frank counters with the 69 DRIVER!!! MACKENZIE ONE... TWO... THREE! * DINGDINGDING * CPA is too late breaking up the pin, and Big Frank rolls out to the floor to celebrate with his little brother who can barely stand. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to the Finals of the 2008 Anderson Cup... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" * CUE REPLAY * COACH If any move should be outlawed it's the 69 Driver. Somebody could break a neck. COLE Just like a chop block could break a leg. COACH Yeah, but nobody sells a plastic neck like they do a leg. The replay ends and we cut back to the Bruisers with their hands raised in triumph on the stage. COLE So the Sooner Bruisers advance to the Anderson Cup Finals. And we'll be back with words from our boss Anglesault after this! COMMERCIAL As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "Medal" is playing in the background as the one and only AngleSault stands in the ring. ANGLESAULT Okay, thank you for that warm, Canadian welcome. A mixed reaction goes up for America's favourite hero (give or take), drawing a grin from AS. ANGLESAULT Now we've still got some great action to come here tonight and I don't want to waste too much of your time. But the past few weeks have thrown up a situation that I need to tend to. As soon as possible. With that in mind, I want to bring to the ring now the former World Champion, "The Franchise", ladies and gentlemen ZACK MALIBU! "Getting Away With Murder" blares out through the arena as Zack steps out in his street gear and a fancy new Zack Malibu t-shirt, available now at OAOAST.com! Despite not looking in the best of moods Zack still finds it within him to slap some hands on his way to the ring. Zack opts for a more formal handshake with AS though as he takes a mic. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ANGLESAULT And, I'd also like to bring out one other man, "The Meterosexual Monster"... BOHEMOTH! *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Looking a little surprised at this development, Zack gives AngleSault a disapproving look as the always pimping Bohemoth heads out, in customary style with a crisp black suit. Bo ignores the hands as he stares down into the ring as Zack. And it all threatens to break down as Zack walks over to the ropes to say something, only to be ushered back by AngleSault. COLE The OAOAST President is putting himself into the breach here tonight. Between Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, who were uncontrollable two weeks ago to the point that Bohemoth was banned from the arena last week to prevent a repeat. COACH If they come over here again, he'll be hearing from my attorneys. Hazardous work conditions. Bo climbs into the ring and AngleSault is again called into action, stepping between Zack and Bo as they threaten to go nose to nose, at best! ANGLESAULT ENOUGH! ENOUGH! The two begrudgingly back up a little. ANGLESAULT We're not going down that road again. Not tonight. We're going to settle this amicably, whether you two like it or not, because the last thing I need is two of my top stars tearing each other apart every week and causing chaos everywhere they go. So settle down... please. Now, it seems like this whole 'friendly rivalry' thing you two have going has crossed the line. You two have lost your heads. And it's over this. Play the footage. Back to live in the arena and that footage has done nothing to improve the mood, as Zack and Bo exchange words over what they just saw. ANGLESAULT Okay, settle down. Look at yourselves would you? What's all this sour grapes about? Are you two really stooping to THAT level, huh? SULKING over not winning the Rumble? ZACK Hey, I can't speak for anyone else, but I've got nothing to sulk about. If you roll that video on, you'll see me getting SHOVED in the chest after we hit the floor, so maybe you'd better ask the guy doing the shoving what his problem is? If anyone's tasting sour grapes around here it seems like the guy who couldn't keep his balance and saw his clumsy ass fall over the top. Marching across the ring, Bohemoth grabs AngleSault's microphone. BOHEMOTH You know Zack I think that footage speaks for itself. If anyone's a sore loser around here it's you! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ZACK Is that so? Is that so? BOHEMOTH Yeah it is so and you damn well know it Malibu! Everybody just saw it. I HAD you, okay? I picked you up and I threw you over those ropes, you were history! I eliminated you from the Lethal Rumble. But you couldn't HANDLE IT! You knew there was no chance of you surviving from that point but you still clung onto my neck all the same and you brought me over the top, because once you realised it was over for Zack Malibu, you couldn't HANDLE the thought that I'd go one better than you, maybe even win the Rumble! You figured that if you were going down, you'd take me with you! You couldn't ACCEPT the fact that our friendly competi... ZACK If you didn't want the competition coming into it, you wouldn't have tried to dump me out earlier on! You got that footage 'Sault? ANGLESAULT As a matter of fact we do. Rolling his eyes, Bo glances up at the screen... ZACK They say 'Let he is without sin cast the first stone'. You were all ready to sneak up behind me and pitch me out of the Rumble earlier! So don't go playing the innocence card. All I did was do everything in my power to stay in the Lethal Rumble, no more or no less than you. And if anyone is unable to handle anything, it's you. You cast the first stone, so to speak, when you SHOVED me in the chest. Friendly competition? My ASS! ANGLESAULT You know what, this is getting us nowhere. Having grabbed another microphone, AS tries to play mediator yet again before Bohemoth can move in on Zack. ANGLESAULT We can stand here all day and play the blame game. And we all know where it's gonna end up. Let's cut to the chase. (points at Zack) You're pissed because you're not going to AngleMania. (points at Bo) You're pissed because you're not going to AngleMania. So since you're both free on March 30th, how about you both go to AngleMania... and go one on one! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOAH! The fans love that one... and so do I! ANGLESAULT You two can settle your differences there and then. Are we agreed? With a smile, Zack nods his head... and Bohemoth does the same, dropping the microphone and walking off with a hint of a smile himself. ANGLESAULT Then it's settled! Zack Malibu versus Bohemoth, one on one at AngleMania in Los Angeles! "Medal" hits again as Zack shakes hands with the boss again. COLE A huge announcement for AngleMania, in 44 days! Zack, Bohemoth, first time ever! But, we still have the Los Infernales conference finals between The Christ Air Express and Team Heyross. Please stick around! COMING UP NEXT LOS INFERNALES CONFRENCE FINALS CHRIST AIR XPRES vs TEAM HEYROSS NEXT COMMERCIAL

Woah! My friend fell off her skateboard and broke her arm, so I spent about 12 hrs between yesterday afternoon and very early this morn in the ER with her, because it sorta may have kinda maybe been my fault. So, hey, I'll post your show now!

Yo, I'm pushing the show back to the 15th early in the afternoon my time. Next week is valentine's day and I stay in the SAAB with the titties out, rollin through Hyde Park throwin d's on the tricks, shoutin to the ear hustlahs, and showin my alabama fuck missile to police officers. real romantic shit like that. Lemme tell ya'll bout my man KC. On a reg day u can catch my boi kc in the midst of the lunchroom ballin out b...doin pump fakes, throwing stacks, displaying ice, flashin BAPEs, callin the mainevent for this show....i guess its just the diplomat way of life for us

Alix and a partner of Krista's choice Vs The Love Doctors or some other team. Krista and a partner of Mackie's choice Vs The Beverly Hills Blonds STIPULATION: If The Blonds lose they'll be relegated to only making Syndicated appearances for the foreseeable future...oops to late!

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that from a bald dude with a thin goatee this week, I'd have six dollars!

Please enjoi the post show entertainment courtesy of reh dogg aka patty o'green

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Does anyone actually read this part? I mean honestly, is it interesting to note Ultimate Victory plays and these fictional viewers see a fictional introductory video? Does that actually provide anyone with any sort of pleasure? We're brought right into a medium wide shot of what I can only assume would be a pretty terrible announce team in real life, Michael Cole and Da Coach. Tony tells me that Smackdown's announce team now, lol that shit must be horrendous,b. COACH Da Coach, da most trusted black man in America next to Obama, sittin at Sofa Central with M.Cole, the most trusted white woman in America next to Hilliary Clinton! COLE Good one, Coach. Good one. Folks, we're continuing to rumble towards Anglemania in Los Angeles, and we've stop off in the fair city of Mobile, Alabama for OAOAST HeldDOWN! Its going to be a hectic and wild show with and all your favorite OAOAST stars are ready for action, so lets skip our talking and get right into it with Anderson Cup action! Shine by Collective Soul plays, and Team Heyross makes their way out, to a mixed reaction. COLE Another Anderson Cup match on the way, and this one's going to be a dandy! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is a quarterfinal match in the Anderson Cup tournament, and it is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 485 pounds, they are the #3 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...introducing CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And Team Heyross with a lot of fans here in Alabama! COACH Well, Team Heyross might be the crowd favorite, but neither of these teams are gonna be fueled by what these people do, these are two great tag teams, and this is going to be a terrific match! Benjamin climbs to the second rope from the outside, and points into the main camera, putting his team over verbally. He hops inside, and the two take off their entrance gear. HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Heart-Shaped Box plays, as Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly lead out Logan and Synth, followed to the ring by mulitcolor spotlights. BUFFER Their opponents...from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of 432 pounds...they are the #2 seed in the Los Infernales Conference...COLONEL ABDULLAH NERDLY in association with HOLLY-WOOD presents...the greatest Rock 'N' Wrestling band of ALL TIME...THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEAVENLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE The Heavenly Rockers, two-time former World tag champs, and a former winner of the Anderson Cup! The Rockers enter the ring, as the lights start to swirl around, and quickly engage in a slugfest with their opponents! *DING DING DING* COLE And we're off! The Rockers take a quick advantage, as Benjamin is knocked out of the ring. Logan grabs Moss from behind and delivers a back breaker, then Synth picks him up and drops him throat first across the top rope. COLE Surprise attack to start off the match has given the Heavenly Rockers an early advantage, but the referee needs to get it down to two men in the ring! Synth picks up Moss, and grabs him in a front facelock. COACH They're going for it early, Cole! However, Moss backdrops out of it! Logan starts to hammer on the back of Moss, but Benjamin comes flying off the top with a clothesline! COLE Big clothesline off the top rope from Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin unloads a flurry on Synth, who slides to the outside with Logan, where they get met with a double clothesline from Moss! COLE And some more clothesline action on the outside! Moss then points to Benjamin, and picks up both Rockers, holding them until Benjamin comes down on them with a HANDS-FREE PLANCHA~! COLE Team Heyross on a roll! Team Heyross roll back inside and exchange high fives, as the crowd slowly starts getting behind them. COLE And these fans here in Mobile making clear who they want to see win this match! The Rockers regroup on the outside, then Synth steps into the ring, met by Quentin Benjamin. COACH And finally we're down to two guys in there! Synth and Benjamin tie up, and Synth backs Benjamin into a corner, then unloads with rights to the midsection. However, Benjamin reverses an Irish whip, and backdrops Synth coming out of the corner! Benjamin follows by backing into the ropes, and catching Synth with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth quickly tags out to Logan, who steps in as the crowd gets on his case. He stops briefly to react to the crowd, then circles the ring, and grabs Benjamin in a side headlock. Benjamin shoves him off, and hits him with a BIG dropick! COLE Great dropkick! Logan immediately tags out to Synth, and rolls to the outside holding his face as Synth has a confused look on his face. COLE Synth's saying, "I was just in there, give me a break!" Regardless, Synth climbs in, and requests to square off with Moss. Benjamin obliges, and makes the tag. COLE And now it's Charlie Moss in there with Synth! Moss and Synth tie up, and Synth goes behind and takes Moss down. Moss quickly escapes, and backs into the ropes. Synth drops down, then Moss leapfrogs him. Synth runs to the ropes, but gets caught with a hiptoss! Logan jumps in, and takes one himself! Moss then delivers dropkicks to each man, sending them to the outside to regroup! COACH I'll tell you, Synth and Logan look real out of sync here! Logan rolls inside, and delivers a kick to the midsection, then delivers rights to Moss. He grabs Moss and rams his head into the buckle, then delivers a flurry in the corner, finishing with a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Logan brings Moss out and whips him into the ropes, but puts his head down, and Moss hooks him. COLE Suplex coming up! Moss lifts Logan and executes a butterfly suplex! COLE And a big one! Synth comes in and attacks Moss from behind, but Moss reverses an Irish whip and catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex! COLE And another nice suplex by Moss! The Rockers retreat to the corner, as Moss makes a tag to Benjamin. Benjamin and Logan tie up, and Benjamin grabs a side headlock. Logan shoves him off, then leapfrogs him, then does it a second time, then stops to celebrate his feat. COACH Turn around, Logan! Logan does turn around, and is met with a superkick from Benjamin! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin picks up Logan, and grabs another side headlock. Logan shoves him off again, and this time, Synth pulls the top rope down! Benjamin goes flying over, but amazingly stays on the apron! COLE And look at the athleticism of Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin delivers a kick to Synth, knocking him off the apron, but gets caught with a LEFT HOOK~! from Logan, knocking him into the guardrail! COACH DAY-UM~! COLE And there's that left hook from Logan! Benjamin never saw it coming! As Benjamin gets to his feet, Synth puts him back on his back with a clothesline! Logan then draws Moss into the ring, distracting the referee, as Logan goes to the outside, and joins Synth in a double suplex on Benjamin! COLE And Benjamin takes some more abuse on the outside! Logan rolls Benjamin inside, and executes a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan picks Benjamin up and backs him into a corner, then delivers some right hands. He hooks Benjamin, then brings him out with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan tags in Synth, who comes in and stomps away, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth then whips Benjamin into the ropes, and catches him with a sleeper! COLE And Synth with the sleeper, will this be the move that puts the Heavenly Rockers in the semifinals? Benjamin struggles for the ropes, but fades away. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Benjamin holds through on the third lift! COLE Quentin Benjamin coming to his feet, being egged on by this crowd! He fights his way to his feet, then delivers an elbow to the gut! Another! A third, breaking the hold! Benjamin runs to the ropes, but Synth catches him with a knee to the gut! COLE But Benjamin stopped cold right there! Synth makes his way to the corner. COACH Synth going upstairs, maybe! However, before Synth gets his balance, Benjamin catches him, and tosses him to mid-ring! COLE But Synth got caught, and now Quentin Benjamin needs to tag! As Benjamin inches to his corner, Logan tries to go after him, but is intercepted by the referee as Benjamin tags Moss! COLE Tag made! COACH No referee, though! The referee turns around, and forces Moss out. COLE And indeed, the referee not allowing the tag to Charlie Moss! COACH Smart move by Logan, either you stop the tag, or the referee has to turn his back to it! COLE And it's much to the chagrin of this crowd here in Mobile! Logan hops to the second rope, as Synth holds Benjamin back, and jumps off...but Benjamin moves, and Synth takes a double axhandle! COACH Oh no! COLE And Logan nails his partner! Logan tries to drop and elbow on Benjamin, but Benjamin moves! Another try, and Benjamin moves again, then somersaults into his corner and tags Moss! COLE And there's the tag, the referee saw that one! Moss comes in and fires off rights on Logan, then whips him into the ropes and delivers a powerslam! Cover... 1... 2... No! Synth saves! Synth and Moss slug it out, as Benjamin comes off the top, and hits Logan with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Logan rolls to the outside, as Team Heyross catches Synth with the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! COLE And the double goozle from Team Heyross! 1... 2... NO!!! Synth gets the shoulder up! Benjamin steps out, as Moss grabs Synth in a side headlock. Synth shoves Moss off, and Moss collides with the referee! COLE And now the referee down! Synth delivers a foot to the gut, then sets up the PERCUSSION DDT~!!!!!11111, but Moss blocks it with the ropes, then catches him with the STO BACKBREAKER~! Moss then hooks Synth in the MOSSY KNOLL~!!!!!11111 COLE Charlie Moss with his patented submission hold! However, Logan comes back in, delivers a left to the gut, and drills him with the PERCUSSION DDT~!!!!!11111 COACH DDT~! Logan covers, but the ref is still too groggy to count! As Logan tries to get his attention, Benjamin comes off the top and catches Logan with a legdrop to the back of the head! Benjamin rolls Moss on top, then drags the referee over... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Team Heyross advances to the semifinals! What a match! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And once again, much to the delight of this crowd, Team Heyross advancing to face the Christ Air Express in the Conference Finals of the Los Infernales Bracket! Team Heyross walks victoriously down the aisle, as the Heavenly Rockers stand frustrated in the ring.

"THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The opening to “No Chance In Hell” starts playing over the P.A. system. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron while smoke fills the entrance stage. Then, the crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* COLE I am quickly becoming sick of this song. COACH It’s the greatest song ever made. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston come out. The boos get louder. Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston stand still on the entrance stage looking to the ring. Mr. Boricua sneers at the crowd. Rock Hard Brickston just stares at the fans who just last week were cheering for him. Mr. B yells at some fans, grunts, snorts, yells, screams, and cracks his knuckles. He looks at Brickston, the two men nod their head, and then both members of the SJPC begin their walk to the ring as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the main event for this week’s HeldDOWN~!, and is a No Disqualification 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. At a total combined weight of 515 lbs. The team of MISTER BORICUA AND ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BRICKSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE A GIANT match for Tha Puerto Rican coming up next, but I can’t blame him if his attention is focused on next week’s HeldDOWN~!, because next week we could see the FINAL match of Tha Puerto Rican’s career as he takes on Spanish Fly in an Ultimate X Match for the OAOAST AngleMania VII World Heavyweight Title shot! COACH Tonight is the beginning of the end. We are now witnessing the ‘PRL Farewell Tour’. It started earlier this evening with the FIRST 2-On-1 Handicap Match, and it continues right now in the main event of HeldDOWN~! And next week, we shall all witness history. The LAST time Tha Puerto Rican wrestles in the OAOAST! I cannot wait! Mr. Boricua grunts at some fans. Rock Hard tells him to calm down and focus on the match at hand. COLE PRL now set to take on Mr. Boricua, the man who has with The Lightning Crew/SJPC the longest, AND the NEWEST member of the Corporation, John…Rock Hard Brickston, who made a deal with the devil last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH Oh that’s rich! Brickston did the right thing! He was going nowhere! He hadn’t done a single thing of importance in almost three years! But he rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation and now look at him! Main eventing on HeldDOWN~! Do you see now that being a member of the SJPC pays off big time? COLE No, but I DO see now that John Brickston has about as much morals, integrity and decency as Spanish Fly does! COACH Oh hush up, you! And it’s Rock Hard Brickston now! No more John! Mr. Boricua yells at the fans, and then climbs up the ring steps, entering the ring via the top ring rope. Rock Hard Brickston follows him. Spotlights shine on both members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. Brickston lets out a mighty roar to boos. Rock Hard raises his fists into the air to more boos. So does Mr. Boricua. The two SJPC members stand near the ring ropes. They look at each other…and then do The Corporate Salute! The crowd boos LOUDLY. COLE I never thought I’d see Brickston doing THAT again. COACH That was The Lightning Crew Salute. THIS is The Corporate Salu-- COLE Don’t start. Not this week. Brickston taunts the fans. Mr. Boricua yells at them. Mr. Boricua poses on a second turnbuckle to boos. Brickston also poses on a second turnbuckle to boos. COLE Rock Hard Brickston sold out! He went against everything he believed in to align himself with Popick! Just last week, those two men were beating the hell out of each other, and now this week, they are PARTNERS!? COACH Both men were quick to let the past be the past. It speaks a lot about the quality of their characters! COLE It speaks at how easily led both men are! Popick, the Master Manipulator, exploited Brickston. He used Brickston’s weaknesses against him! He brainwashed Brickston into believing that he was wrong for leaving The Lightning Crew! He brainwashed him into believing that he has a better life being led by Popick! COACH He did no such thing! He told Brickston the truth! He was going nowhere, but now, he is going somewhere! Popick is 100 times the leader PRL was! 1,000 times even! Brickston points a menacing finger at the fans while Mr. Boricua exits the ring and yells at the fans at ringside. Brickston gets off of the second turnbuckle and taunts the fans some more. COLE Well, whether he’s in the Corporation or not, Brickston’s hatred for Tha Puerto Rican hasn’t changed, and he gets another shot at him tonight for the first time in almost two years! COACH Brickston and Mr. Boricua are going to get PRL good and softened up for Spanish Fly next week! COLE They just might. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was one of Popick’s orders! The lights go back on in the arena. Rock Hard Brickston paces inside of the ring, while Mr. Boricua continues yelling at the fans at ringside. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE Tha Puerto Rican already competed in a 2-On-1 Handicap Match earlier tonight, and now he must do it again! COACH And next week is the death blow. And on Valentine’s Day too! How appropriate! COLE Popick says that is his Valentine’s Day gift to his new wife. The end of his wife’s ex-fiancée’s career! COACH What a thoughtful husband Popick is. I wish he was my husband…did I say that out loud? COLE Yep, in front of the whole entire world. COACH I LOVE TITTIES! COLE It’s too late, Coach. Rock Hard Brickston stares at the entrance. Mr. Boricua enters the ring. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of PRL’s entrance. COLE 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! And Tha Puerto Rican hasn’t been in a Tables Match since Licensed To Pin back in July 2003! COACH He lost then, and he’ll lose now, and he will LOSE next week too! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Remember, in order for PRL to win, he must put BOTH Brickston AND Boricua through tables! Meanwhile, for Brickston and Boricua to win, they must only put PRL through a table! COACH The ball is in the Corporation’s court, and Tha Puerto Rican is going to choke. AGAIN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” blares out over the P.A. system. The crowd stands up as one and cheers loudly as the lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke and stops on the entrance stage. The cheers get louder. PRL points a menacing finger at the two Corporation members inside of the ring, and then power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused on the ring. The crowd cheers louder than before. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. One-half of The Badd Boyz. He is THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE Could this be the second-to-last time that we see Tha Puerto Rican come down the entrance ramp on HeldDOWN~!? COACH Yes. Yes it is. Rock Hard Brickston charges forward for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL nails Brickston with Rock-style punches to the temple on the entrance ramp! COLE PRL starting this match early! Here we go! *DING DING DING* 2-ON-1 HANDICAP TABLES MATCH THA PUERTO RICAN vs. MR. BORICUA AND ROCK HARD BRICKSTON PRL nails Brickston with left jab after left jab after left jab! Mr. Boricua charges…and he gets nailed with a Rock-style punch to the temple! Then another! Then another! PRL grabs both of Rock Hard Brickston’s legs and trips him up. Brickston's head lands on the entrance ramp! PRL then spreads Brickston’s legs apart, and punches him right in the groin! COLE No Disqualifications! Anything goes in this match! P.R. grabs Mr. Boricua and drags him over near Sofa Central. COLE They’re coming this way! COACH Come on Mr. Boricua! Wake up! Stay focused! FOCUSED! The crowd is hot. PRL slams Mr. Boricua’s head on top of the timekeeper’s table! Brickston charges forward with his hands locked together for a double axehandle--PRL moves out of the way and punches Rock Hard in the gut! He then fires off with more punches and then slams Brickston’s head on top of the timekeeper’s table too! P.R. grabs Brickston by his head, grabs Mr. Boricua by his head…DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! COACH Oh no! COLE And PRL, despite fighting 2 men, has been able to stand on his own two feet thus far! COACH We’re just getting started, Cole! Hang on! P.R. grabs the ring bell and the hammer used on the ring bell. He waits for Brickston to get near him. *DING!* PRL places the ring bell over Rock Hard Brickston’s face, and then slams the hammer onto the bell! COLE His bell was rung! COACH Ugh! PR taunts Brickston, and then waits for Mr. Boricua to get near him. *DING!* PRL places the ring bell over Mr. Boricua’s face, and then slams the hammer onto the bell! COACH Mr. Boricua! PRL (singing) # Bells will be ringinggg! # COLE Ha! Ha! COACH Shut up! This is not funny! NOT FUNNY AT ALL! Tha Puerto Rican shoves the timekeeper out of his steel chair, and then grabs it. He folds the chair up. PRL measures both Corporation members up. *WHACK!* PRL SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER ROCK HARD BRICKSTON’S HEAD SENDING HIM INTO A BARRICADE! COLE Chairshot for Rock Hard! *WHACK!* PRL SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER MR. BORICUA’S HEAD SENDING HIM INTO A BARRICADE! COLE Chairshot for The Corporate Giant! PRL throws the steel chair aside, taunts the dazed Mr. Boricua, and then charges forward, leaping up with a flying clothesline that takes both PRL AND Mr. Boricua OVER the barricade and into the crowd! COACH AAH! PRL gets up first, takes a deep breath, and then picks Mr. Boricua up. He punches him in the face with a Rock-style punch. He does it again! And again! And again! And again! PRL grabs Mr. Boricua and takes him through the crowd, punching him along the way. COLE And now PRL and Mr. Boricua going through the crowd! Shades of Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble when PRL brawled with Vitamin X all over the crowd! The fans touch PRL’s bare back and Mr. Boricua’s torn up dress shirt as the two men go through the crowd. P.R. grabs a cup of soda from a fan, drinks from it, and then SPITS the soda back out into Mr. Boricua’s face! He then slams the cup into Mr. Boricua’s head! PRL grabs Mr. Boricua by his giant head again and takes him through the crowd some more. COACH Get Mr. Boricua away from those peons! He’ll crush them! You don’t want us to get sued do you!? PRL continues taking Mr. Boricua through the crowd…suddenly, Rock Hard Brickston grabs PRL and starts punching him in the face! COACH Yeah! Get him! Brickston nails PRL with several right hands! PRL fights back with lefts! Back and forth they go! COLE Rock Hard coming to the aid of his partner! COACH Yea Rock Hard! Make the Corporation proud! Brickston soon gains the advantage with rights, which take The People’s Champion near the barricade. PRL is dazed, so Brickston takes a few steps back and charges forward. PRL recovers, giving Rock Hard Brickston a BAAAAAAACK Body Drop over the barricade, taking him back to the ringside area! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Tha Puerto Rican just sent 6’6” 215 pounds of Rock Hard Brickston over the barricade! COACH Oh no! Puerto Rican grabs Mr. Boricua and sends him over the barricade and back into the ringside area too! COLE PRL in control of his two former running buddies! COACH Rock Hard Brickston was smart enough to see through PRL’s bull three years before everyone else did! COLE That doesn’t speak too highly of Mr. Boricua, Coach! COACH …Nice Boricua! Good Boricua! Popick rules! Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston start to slowly get up. PRL hops over the barricade back to the ringside area. He waits for Rock Hard Brickston to get up, and then clotheslines him back down onto the protective mats! PRL then gets a head full of steam and jumps up to nail Mr. Boricua with a clothesline that knocks *him* down onto the protective mats! PRL shoots right back up and plays to the crowd. He “smells the electricity” while the crowd cheers. COLE Tha Puerto Rican in control of the Corporation, and this crowd is loving it! COACH The People’s Champion my ass! The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey, and Cuban Wall are watching the match as it happens on a T.V. Popick has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying next to him on the sofa, and Lindsay has the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt lying next to her on the sofa also. The five Corporation members watch the match with serious expressions on their faces. COLE And there are some of the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! They are most certainly paying attention to this match! COACH Don’t worry, Popick! Next week it’ll all be over! Next week your enemy is GONE! COLE That is if Spanish Fly can grab the contract in the Ultimate X Match next Thursday night! COACH He will. I believe in him and so does Popick! And that’s all that matters! Rock Hard Brickston and PRL head back into the ring. P.R. measures Brickston, and then hits him with a left hand! He then does another! And another! PR switches to Rock-style punches to the temple! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Mr. Boricua enters the ring, grabs PRL from behind, and then lifts him up…Back Suplex! COLE Back Suplex from The Corporate Bodyguard! COACH Yeah! All right! The Corporate Giant with a CORPORATE Back Suplex on the Corporate CHUMP! Mr. Boricua stands up, jumps up and does a simple splash onto Tha Puerto Rican’s body! COLE A big splash from Mr. Boricua! COACH HOO-HAH! COLE … The camera cuts back to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Lindsay, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey, and Cuban Wall all have smiles on their faces. Stephen Joseph, meanwhile, has a serious expression on his face. COLE Popick looking on, with the #1 Contender to his World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania VII for now sitting a few feet away from him! COACH ‘For now’? Michael, PRL’s career is FINISHED next week! Accept it. Mr. Boricua picks Tha Puerto Rican up. He punches him in the face while yelling. Boricua scoops PRL up, holding him up in the air for a few seconds before slamming him back down onto the mat HARD! PRL yelps out in pain! Mr. Boricua then grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s legs and spreads them apart, so that Rock Hard Brickston can drop an elbow onto Tha Puerto Rican’s groin! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brickston then does a fist drop right onto Tha Puerto Rican’s groin! “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Brickston really targeting PRL’s crotch there! COACH Good! Make sure that The P.R. Menace doesn’t have any children! Can you imagine that? Little PRL’s running around, cocking their eyebrows, ‘smelling the electricity’ all of the time, stealing other people’s moves and mannerisms? *Shudder* It’d be a nightmare! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Mr. Boricua picks Tha Puerto Rican up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. PRL bounces off of the ropes and charges forward…Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline…PRL ducks the clothesline…bounces off of the opposite ropes…charges forward…jumps up and nails Mr. Boricua with a flying clothesline that DOESN’T take him down this time! P.R. gets up…gets grabbed from behind by Rock Hard Brickston in a Full Nelson, and then gets taken down with a Full Nelson Slam! Afterwards, Rock Hard Brickston gives PRL the “You can’t see me!” hand taunt! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Just think, even if he did that last week, he’d STILL get cheered! COACH Yeah, but he’s not pandering to these idiots anymore! And good thing too! Time to let the REAL Rock Hard Brickston out into the world! Brickston tells Mr. Boricua something. Mr. Boricua yells out for some reason. Brickston tells Boricua to pick PRL up. PRL is now becoming groggy, sucking in wind. Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua both whip PRL into the ropes. Both men then put their heads down. This proves to be a mistake as Tha Puerto Rican stops in his tracks, kicks Mr. Boricua right in the face, and then grabs Rock Hard by his head and just slams him down onto the mat! COLE Faceplant for Rock Hard Brickston! PRL waits for Mr. Boricua to get near him. As soon as Mr. Boricua recovers from PRL’s kick to the face, Mr. Boricua heads towards PRL… …right into a DIAMOND CUTTER! COLE Lightning Strike! Lightning Strike from Tha Puerto Rican! That was his finisher when he wrestled in Puerto Rico! COACH And he’ll be going BACK to Puerto Rico next week after he loses the Ultimate X Match! PR takes the time out to applaud himself for his Lightning Strike. The crowd applauds with him. COACH Such an egomaniac. COLE That egomaniac is in control of two of the Corporation’s biggest athletes! COACH This bizarre infatuation that you have with Tha Puerto Rican has got to stop, man! Seriously. It’s really weird and it’s creeping me out! COLE Oh come on! Don’t act like you weren’t riding Tha Puerto Rican’s jock for the past two years! COACH I once was lost but now am found. Was blind, but now I see! COLE Oh please! PRL gets up. Rock Hard Brickston runs towards him. SPINEBUSTER~!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Oh dear God! No! COLE It could be time! It could be time! The crowd is on its collective feet! The electricity flowing through the air! PRL runs his mouth as he walks on over to where Rock Hard Brickston is lying. PRL stands over Rock Hard Brickston…and kicks Brickston’s right arm onto his chest. COLE It could be time! It could be time! COACH Oh no! PRL removes his right elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. He does some weird hand signals--MR. BORICUA HITS PRL WITH A BIG BOOT!~! COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COLE Mr. Boricua cut off The Puerto Rico Elbow before it could happen! COACH THANK YOU, MR. BORICUA! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT! COLE PRL is down on the mat! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Mr. Boricua’s big boot into Tha Puerto Rican’s face stopping The Puerto Rico Elbow again. We see it from a different angle. COACH Look at that! He NAILED him that time! He just drove his big size 15 foot into Tha Puerto Rican’s puny head! HA! I love it! COLE And I am sure Popick loved it too, watching it from the Corporation dressing room! COACH The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is back in control! CORPORATE Control if you will. COLE Oy vey. Mr. Boricua yells. He snorts, cranks his neck, yells, screams, and cracks his knuckles. Boricua snorts as he climbs over the top ring rope to exit the ring. Mr. B heads on over to lift the ring apron up so that he can search underneath the ring. COLE Uh-oh. It could be tables time! COACH Boricua…GET THE TABLES! Rock Hard Brickston stomps on Tha Puerto Rican while Mr. Boricua searches underneath the ring…and pulls out a table. The crowd boos loudly. Mr. Boricua screams as he looks at the table. COLE And there’s the table. All Boricua and Brickston have to do is put PR through it and they win the match for the SJPC! COACH I’m sure even Mr. Boricua can understand that! COLE He can hear you, Coach. COACH Oh boy. Mr. Boricua grunts and yells as he walks around the ringside area with the table in his hands. Boricua slides the table underneath the bottom ring rope, and then uses the second ring rope to get onto the ring apron. As Rock Hard Brickston chokes PRL with his right foot, Mr. Boricua enters the ring by climbing over the top ring rope. COLE PRL so desperate to get into the AngleMania VII main event that he willingly put his career on the line in a match against Spanish Fly next week. And he might be getting softened up for that match right now as we speak! COACH PRL wants to get another shot at the Title so bad, well, he’s going to have to pay for it now AND next week! Mr. Boricua yells. This gets Rock Hard Brickston’s attention. Brickston stops choking PRL. Mr. Boricua yells for Brickston to do something. Mr. Boricua picks the table up and sets it up right in the middle of the ring. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COACH Here we go! This is going to be sweet! COLE Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston setting up for the finish! All they have to do is send PRL through a table and they win the match! COACH And they will! Come on guys! The table is set up in the middle of the ring. The crowd is anxious, worried for The People’s Champ. PRL is coughing, breathing hard, and sweating. He clutches his throat in pain. Mr. Boricua screams out loud. The crowd boos loudly. COLE This could be it! Rock Hard Brickston picks Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL is now fatigued. Brickston has an evil smile on his face as he grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s right hand and whips him--NO--PRL reverses, hooks both of Brickston’s arms, and gives him a Double-Armed DDT! COLE Double-Armed DDT on Rock Hard Brickston! PRL quickly gets back to a vertical base. Mr. Boricua charges towards him, but PRL grabs him and hooks him up! He takes Mr. Boricua towards the table. LATIN SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Latin Slam! Latin Slam! Latin Slam through the table! The Latin Lion giving the 6’9” 300 pound Mr. Boricua a Latin Slam through the table! COACH Oh no! ******************************************* 1ST ELIMINATION: Mr. Boricua TIME OF ELIMINATION: 4:56 ELIMINATED BY: Tha Puerto Rican ******************************************* COLE PRL has already gotten one man! If he can send Brickston through a table he pulls off the upset! The crowd has come alive! PRL does a Flair Flop onto the mat! Mr. Boricua lies in the wreckage of the table, while Rock Hard Brickston starts to move on the mat. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s Latin Slam on Mr. Boricua through the table. It is shown from two different angles. COLE PRL with a big time Latin Slam on the biggest member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, a fact which must not pleased Popick! COACH It doesn’t please ME! COME ON BRICKSTON! It’s all up to you! Make the Corporation proud! Send PRL straight through a table! Another “P.R.!” chant starts up. PR slowly pushes himself off of the mat and onto his knees. He then takes a deep breath, obviously winded now. He wipes the sweat off of his forehead and flicks it at Rock Hard and Mr. Boricua. COACH Eww. PRL has terrible hygiene! PRL has a smile on his face as he stands up straight and exits the ring. COLE Popick is probably biting his fingernails right now! What a boost mentally this would be for Tha Puerto Rican if he were to defeat TWO Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members in a 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match a week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match against ANOTHER SJPC member! PRL walks around ringside, stopping at one corner to lift the ring apron up and search underneath the ring. COACH This isn’t good! This isn’t good at all! COLE The pendulum is swinging the other way, Coach! Tha Puerto Rican is in control of not one, but TWO Corporate members! He might end up defeating FOUR Corporation members in a single night! COACH He’ll choke! He’ll choke like he always does! And he’ll choke next week too, FOR THE LAST TIME! PRL searches some more underneath the ring…and pulls out another table! The crowd cheers loudly. PRL plays to the crowd with the table in his hands. He motions that he is going to “lay the smackdown on some corporate candy asses!” Puerto slides the table underneath the bottom ring rope and then slides underneath the bottom rope himself. PRL then grabs the table and sets it up. COACH Oh God. No! PRL is not gonna win BOTH of his matches tonight! Oh no! COLE PRL seems focused on the task at hand, even though he has a HUGE match coming up next week! COACH The 'PRL Farewell Tour' will continue tonight, Cole! It will! The crowd is rooting P.R. on. P.R. sets the table right in the middle of the ring. Puerto Rican motions that he is going to put Rock Hard Brickston through the table. COLE One more person and Tha Puerto Rican wins! PRL sees Mr. Boricua slide underneath the bottom ring rope and stand on the outside, his eyes glazed over. Rock Hard Brickston also slides underneath the bottom rope and staggers to his feet, holding his head in pain. TPR exits the ring and grabs Brickston--NO--Brickston springs to life and punches PR in the face several times! COACH Yes! Rock Hard’s punches stagger The Latin Lion! Brickston then grabs Puerto by his right hand and then whips him right into the STEEL ring steps! PR’s right shoulder crashes into the ring steps! COLE Oh my! PRL went crashing HARD into those STEEL steps! COACH There you go, Brickston! Do your thing, Rock Hard! Do your thing! Brickston lets out a mighty roar, which pisses off the fans. Brickston lunges at one fan in a “LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN” T-shirt, and then walks on over to pick Tha Puerto Rican up. COLE Rock Hard in control of a man he’s had many battles with in the past! COACH He’s beaten him several times in the past, and he’s going to beat him again tonight! Rock Hard Brickston grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his tights and throws him back into the ring. PRL is breathing hard, and holding his right shoulder in pain. Rock Hard Brickston enters the ring through the first and second ring ropes and then starts stomping on Tha Puerto Rican! COLE PRL is in a bad way here! Rock Hard Brickston gets on top of PRL and starts pummeling away at him, the table set up 3 feet away from the both of them! P.R. tries desperately to block the shots with his hands, but is unable to. Brickston stands up and yells at the crowd. ROCK HARD BRICKSTON LOOK AT YOUR HERO NOW! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Rock Hard Brickston turning his back on the fans last week to rejoin the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH He didn’t turn his back on the fans. The fans turned their backs on him! COLE Oh come on! That’s a load of bullcrap! COACH No, it’s the truth! It’s the truth, Ruth! Ugh, I’m never going to say THAT again! Brickston pounds PRL some more, and then picks him up. Rock Hard Brickston grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his right hand and delivers an Irish whip into the opposite ropes--NO--PRL reverses…he holds on…and hooks Brickston up! COLE Here we go! The second elimination! COACH No! No! No! PRL has Brickston hooked up and takes him towards the table. LATIN SLA-- *WHACK!* MR. BORICUA HITS THA PUERTO RICAN IN THE BACK WITH A STEEL CHAIR! COACH YEAH BORICUA! COLE Mr. Boricua comes in just in the nick of time! COACH WAY TO GO BORICUA! WAY TO GO! Mr. Boricua throws the steel chair aside. Tha Puerto Rican is still holding on to Rock Hard Brickston, but his grip has loosened. So, Rock Hard Brickston shoves Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes. PRL bounces off of the ropes…Rock Hard Brickston grabs him…and lifts him up… MR. BORICUA DOES A DIAMOND CUTTER ON THA PUERTO RICAN THROUGH THE TABLE WHILE ROCK HARD BRICKSTON HOLDS ONTO PRL‘S WAIST~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE 3-D! A Dudley Death Drop on Tha Puerto Rican through the table! COACH YEAH-UH~! *DING DING DING* (6:55) ******************************************* FINAL ELIMINATION: Tha Puerto Rican TIME OF ELIMINATION: 6:55 ELIMINATED BY: Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston ******************************************* ******************************************* TEH WINNORS~! : Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston ELIMINATED: Tha Puerto Rican ******************************************* “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts up again. Rock Hard Brickston pumps his fists in celebration while Mr. Boricua yells out and raises his hands in victory. The crowd boos loudly. BUFFER Here are your winners…the team of MISTER BORICUA AND ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BRICKSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican lies in the wreckage of the table, holding his stomach in pain. Mr. Boricua yells out once again, while Rock Hard Brickston raises his hands in victory. COLE It was within the rules, that being there are no rules! So, Mr. Boricua took that to his advantage using that steel chair to set up the 3-D, the Dudley Death Drop, and sealed the victory for the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH EXCELLENT work from the Corporation! PRL went down and OUT! And it’s only going to get WORSE from here on out! Next week, next week Michael Cole, is the execution! The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall all applaud Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston for their victory. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Way to go, guys! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK *Whistles* VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! PRINCESS STACEY Excellent job! CUBAN WALL YES! POPICK Oh, look at P.R.! Look at him! He looks hurt! The poor guy looks hurt! LINDSAY Awww! Poor baby! POPICK You think we should go help him? LINDSAY Nah! He hasn’t suffered enough! POPICK Yeah, we’ll help him…tomorrow! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The five Corporation members laugh uproariously at PRL’s misery. COLE The Corporation celebrating P.R.’s loss tonight! COACH And they’ll have even more reason to celebrate next week when Tha Puerto Rican LEAVES the OAOAST FOREVER! COLE That is in 7 days, Coach! But is this an omen? Is this a sign of things to come? Will Tha Puerto Rican be looking up at the ceiling watching Spanish Fly grab the contract to win the Ultimate X Match next Thursday night causing the end of his career? Or will PRL be able to recover from this loss and get the AngleMania title shot? COACH He choked tonight, and he’s going to choke again next Thursday night! And this time his choking will cost him his very career! Good riddance! “No Chance In Hell” continues playing as Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston continue celebrating inside of the ring. Tha Puerto Rican is still down on the mat, holding his stomach in pain. Mr. Boricua and Brickston see Tha Puerto Rican down on the mat…and then start stomping on him! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Now come on! That’s enough! The match is already over! COACH But the fun is just getting started! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston stomp on Tha Puerto Rican until he is in the fetal position. The crowd boos loudly. “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” COLE The fans want the other Badd Boy to come to the rescue! COACH He is not going to come! He’s too scared to come and fight Brickston AND Mr. Boricua! Brickston and Boricua pummel Tha Puerto Rican with their feet. The crowd chants for Colombian Heat to come out. The chanting stops and turns to cheers because COLOMBIAN HEAT runs down the entrance ramp! COLE Here comes Heat to the rescue! Colombian Heat slides into the ring! Mr. Boricua goes to attack, and gets hit in the head with a lead pipe! COACH Hey! COLE Heat has come equipped! He came prepared! As Mr. Boricua holds his head in pain, Colombian Heat slams the lead pipe across Rock Hard Brickston’s midsection! Heat then drops the lead pipe and starts punching Rock Hard in the face to the delight of the fans! COLE Heat going to work on Rock Hard Brickston! Heat will meet Popick for the World Heavyweight Title on the Leap Year Spectacular! COACH He’s going to choke just like his buddies did! He’s going to choke just like The Mad Cappa and Tha Puerto Rican did! Colombian Heat has Brickston good and dazed. He then kicks him in the stomach, turns around, grabs Brickston’s arms, and then-- SPANISH FLY LEAPS OFF OF THE TOP ROPE WITH A MISSILE DROPKICK ON COLOMBIAN HEAT!!!!!!!!! COLE No! Damnit! Damnit! COACH Hooray for Spanish Fly! COLE That damn Spanish Fly, attacking Colombian Heat AGAIN! COACH Hey, he deserved it! Attacking SJPC members with a lead pipe! How dare he!? Spanish Fly gets up and starts stomping on Colombian Heat! Rock Hard Brickston shakes the cobwebs out and joins in on the beatdown! The crowd boos loudly. COLE The two corporate sellouts beating up on Colombian Heat! COACH He’s the only former Lightning Crew member who hasn’t rejoined! COLE And I think he wants it to stay that way! Spanish Fly gets on top of Heat and punches him in the face repeatedly. Fly taunts his former best friend while Brickston stands guard over Fly. COLE The hopes of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation rests on Spanish Fly’s shoulders next week! It is up to Fly to make sure that Tha Puerto Rican never wrestles in the One And Only AngleSault Thread ever again! COACH And he’s going to do it! I believe in you, Fly! Everyone thinks Spanish Fly doesn’t stand a chance of beating Tha Puerto Rican, but then everyone thought that the New York Giants didn’t stand a chance of beating the New England Patriots, and look what happened! We are going to see the CORPROATE upset next week LIVE on HeldDOWN~! Spanish Fly chokes Colombian Heat while Rock Hard Brickston taunts him. The boos get even louder (as if that were possible) when Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, and Cuban Wall walk down the entrance ramp. COLE Oh now what!? COACH THE CHAMP IS HERE! COLE Shut up! Popick has an evil grin on his face as he walks up the ring steps. Vitamin X follows him, while Cuban Wall grabs the second ring rope to get onto the ring apron and enter the ring over the top ring rope. Popick looks down at PRL and laughs evilly. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is down, beaten, and Stephen Joseph Popick loves it! COACH He should. But he’ll love it even more when Tha Puerto Rican is down, beaten and RETIRED next week! Popick motions for PRL to be picked up. Rock Hard Brickston and Cuban Wall do so. Tha Puerto Rican is groggy, his eyes glazed over. The crowd chants for The Great One, but the chants don’t work as Vitamin X grabs the lead pipe dropped by Colombian Heat and hits PRL right in the ribs with it! COLE A shot to the ribs with that lead pipe! COACH Yes! I love it! X throws the lead pipe to Popick. Popick almost drops it, but regains it quickly. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion measures up Tha Puerto Rican, who is still being held by Brickston and Wall. *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* Pipe shots all over Tha Puerto Rican’s body, the last one hitting PRL over the head! COLE The OAOAST World Champion demolishing his former client right now! PRL falls to the mat! His eyes are closed. Popick laughs at PR’s misery. The crowd boos loudly. Spanish Fly continues beating on Colombian Heat. Popick poses to nothing but jeers and insults. Cuban Wall and Vitamin X chuckle at the booing. COACH PRL might forfeit the match next week and retire right now after what he’s just gone through! COLE He won’t! He has too much pride! Too much ego to just forfeit! Even if he shows up with his ribs taped, with a concussion, feeling sore all over his body, he WILL compete next week in that Ultimate X Match! THAT is how much the AngleMania World Title shot means to him! COACH Well, he’s just making it even EASIER for Spanish Fly to beat him next week! COLE You may be right. As if he wasn’t in enough pain, Popick is softening him up further right now! POPICK Yo, Wall! Popick gives Wall a thumbs up. Cuban Wall nods his head. Cuban Wall grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair and picks him up. As he does this, Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua pick Colombian Heat up. *PING!* SPANISH FLY NAILS COLOMBIAN HEAT OVER THE HEAD WITH THE LEAD PIPE! COACH Way to go, little buddy! Spanish Fly sticks his tongue out and does a SHIMMY~!, mocking Heat! The crowd boos. COLE Spanish Fly just used that lead pipe on the head of Colombian Heat! COACH That brought back some memories, didn’t it, Heat? COLE That’s right! Popick hit Colombian Heat in the back of the head with a lead pipe the night the P.R./Popick alliance was formed! But that was then, this is now, and NOW, Colombian Heat AND Tha Puerto Rican are at the mercy of Stephen Joseph Popick! Colombian Heat lies on the mat, and a small cut appears on his forehead. Blood slowly starts dripping out from the cut on the unconscious Colombian Heat’s face. COLE Oh, he’s bleeding. He’s bleeding now! COACH Good. And believe it or not, we’re STILL not done yet! Cuban Wall has got a GOOZLE~! around PRL’s throat. Popick gives him the thumbs up. With Mr. Boricua, Popick, Spanish Fly, Vitamin X, and Rock Hard Brickston watching, Cuban Wall grabs PRL by the waistband of his tights and then lifts him up high into the air. COLE Look at that power! COACH Tremendous! Cuban Wall holds PRL up in the air…and then slams him back down to earth with a CHOKESLAM!!!!!! COLE Chokeslam! A Chokeslam on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH I LOVE IT! The SJPC members celebrate Cuban Wall’s Chokeslam. PRL lies knocked out on the mat. Colombian Heat is still bleeding. COLE How many times have we seen this? How many times over the past couple of years have we seen this done to Tha Puerto Rican’s enemies? Now it is being done to Tha Puerto Rican himself! COACH It is karma coming back to bite PRL in the ass! That’s what it is! COLE Stephen Joseph Popick is orchestrating this decimation of Tha Puerto Rican one week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match! Popick tells PRL something and then tells Cuban Wall something. He motions for something to be given to him. Cuban Wall smiles evilly. Wall and Boricua pick Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL can barely stand up now. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall, both with evil smiles on their faces, shove PRL directly into Popick’s waiting hands! COLE What’s this!? Popick turns PRL around and applies a Full Nelson on him. The crowd immediately figures out what Popick is going to do and starts booing. Popick takes PRL over to a turnbuckle corner. COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me. Popick climbs the second rope. COACH No way! In street clothes!? Popick stands on the second turnbuckle. Popick jumps out, pulling Tha Puerto Rican over in a Full Nelson Suplex, but shifting his body so that he lands on his ass, giving PRL a Stone Cold Stunner in the process! Finality! COLE Finality! Finality on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH He’s doing it now because he’s not going to be able to do it at AngleMania VII! HA! HA! HA! Tha Puerto Rican drops onto the mat, spread-eagle. Popick dusts his hands, an evil grin on his face, a job well done. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick has once again made Tha Puerto Rican’s life a living hell! COACH Not just Tha Puerto Rican, but Colombian Heat too! Popick orders for someone to help him up. Vitamin X and Cuban Wall help their leader to his feet. Popick dusts himself off, Vitamin X helping him dust himself off. Popick tells X something and then the two of them laugh. COACH This is a scene that I’ll never forget! I love it! I love it so much! Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Rock Hard Brickston and Spanish Fly all raise their hands and smile evilly. Tha Puerto Rican lies on the mat spread-eagle, while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, his face bloodied, unconscious. Garbage gets thrown into the ring. The crowd boos loudly. COLE The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation has left The Badd Boyz laying! COACH And it’s only going to get WORST for them from here on out! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing again. Garbage continues getting thrown into the ring. Stephen Joseph Popick tells his Corporation that it’s time to leave. Vitamin X holds the first and second ring ropes open for Popick to leave the ring, and then follows him. Spanish Fly, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston all leave the ring, leaving The Badd Boyz to wallow away in pain on the mat. COLE The SJPC has come out strong tonight! But will they come out strong next week in the Ultimate X Match? COACH They will. I can feel it! Next week one annoying bug is squashed, and then the second one will get squashed on the Leap Year Spectacular! And then, THEN, we can have Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick at AngleMania VII in peace! COLE That's what Popick wants. That’s what Cuban Wall wants. But that’s not what these people want, and that’s DAMN SURE not what Tha Puerto Rican wants! COACH The people and PRL can do two things: nothing or LIKE IT! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members walk up the entrance ramp, all smiling evilly, gloating over what they’ve just done. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Tha Puerto Rican is moving his arms around on the mat. COLE The Corporation with a HUGE victory tonight! PRL LOST the 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match starting with Tha Puerto Rican about to do the Latin Slam on Rock Hard Brickston. COACH Okay so, PRL was going to do his stupid Rock Bottom--I mean Latin Slam, on Brickston. But then look at this…BAM! Chairshot to the back from Mr. Boricua! But what’s this? Brickston holds onto PRL. Shoves him into the ropes! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! Dudley…Death…Drop TRHOUGH the table! PRL is gone! The Corporation wins, and PRL chokes AGAIN! Can we see that again? A replay of the 3-D through the table is shown again from a different angle. COACH Thank you. YEAH! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! I love it! PRL is OUT COLD! Another replay of the 3-D through the table is shown from another angle. COACH Cool! Thanks! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! Yes! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! *Another* replay of the 3-D through the table is shown from yet *another* angle. COACH And again! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! COLE Enough! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall watching the ending of the match in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room. They all applaud and yell out in joy when Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston give Tha Puerto Rican the 3-D through the table. COLE And look at this! The Corporation celebrating when PRL got 3-D’d through the table. COACH Duh. It was their guys doing the 3-Ding! OF COURSE THEY’RE GONNA CELEBRATE, YOU IDIOT! COLE I was hoping they’d feel a little sympathy for their former boss, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how happy they were. COACH If you think they are happy now, just wait until next Thursday night when Tha Puerto Rican is RETIRED thanks to Spanish Fly! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cut back to live action as Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly and Rock Hard Brickston walk up to the entrance stage. Tha Puerto Rican is on his side, shaking, holding his ribs in pain as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. Colombian Heat is still unconscious and bleeding on the mat. COLE Are we just 7 days away from the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career? Or are we just 7 days away from Cuban Wall losing his GUARANTEED OAOAST World Championship Match at AngleMania VII? It’s going to be a Valentine’s Day to remember, that’s for sure! COACH For PRL, next week will be HIS St. Valentine’s Day Massacare! And for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, it will be the absolute BEST Valentine’s Day gift that she’s ever gotten! COLE Popick promised Lindsay that the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career will be his Valentine’s Day gift to her. But for now, Popick and his Corporation have beaten PRL to a pulp! COACH It’s just like Anglepalooza all over again! COLE Uh…not quite. Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all join hands and raise their hands in victory, posing on the entrance stage with evil smiles on their faces to LOUD boos. Popick puts seven fingers up and says, “Seven days.” Cuban Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he does a cutthroat hand gesture. Spanish Fly points at PRL and says, “You’re mine next week!” before doing a crotch chop. Vitamin X does a Shane-O-Mac Shuffle and says, “IT’S OVAH~!” Rock Hard Brickston laughs maniacally and says some derogatory things about PRL. Mr. Boricua yells, snorts, grunts, cracks his knuckles and growls. Tha Puerto Rican is on his stomach and is staring at the SJPC members. COLE Next week’s HeldDOWN~! will be one for the ages! The first ever Valentine’s Day HeldDOWN~! headlined by the Ultimate X Match between Spanish Fly and Tha Puerto Rican! If Tha Puerto Rican wins, then he goes on to OAOAST AngleMania VII to challenge for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! But if Spanish Fly wins, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from the sport of professional wrestling! HUGE stakes involve for Tha Puerto Rican AND everyone in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! It’s all or nothing for PRL next week! COACH He’s gonna choke! No way can he do it! He’ll crack under all of the pressure! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is a desperate man! He is desperate to go to AngleMania VII to challenge for the World Heavyweight Title! In an act of desperation he has put his own career on the line for a Title shot! Like the old saying goes, ’Desperate men do desperate things.’ But will PRL pay for his act of desperation next week when he has what could quite possibly be his final match on HeldDOWN~!? The final match of his career? Fans, thank you for tuning into this week’s HeldDOWN~! For Jonathan Coachman, I’m Michael Cole saying so long from Mobile, Alabama! We’ll see you next week LIVE from Montreal, Quebec, Canada for St. Valentine’s Day HeldDOWN~! Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all continue laughing maniacally and smiling evilly on the entrance stage. Colombian Heat lies on the mat, still unconscious, still bloodied. Trash continues getting thrown into the ring, and at the same time, trash gets thrown in the general direction of the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation on the entrance stage. Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all look at Tha Puerto Rican and laugh maniacally and smile evilly. Tha Puerto Rican lies on his stomach in the ring, holding his ribs in pain, staring a hole through the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. His face is shaking, red not with blood, but with RAGE~! The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican’s ANGRY face, his veins bulging and his eyes popping out. Tha Puerto Rican grinding his teeth together and breathing hard while sweat pours down his face is the last image that we see before we fade to black, ending this week’s edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. FADE TO BLACK

COMING UP NEXT STILL OUT OF WITTY SUBTITLES! Jester and Miss Jobbs Vs ????? and Widow NEXT “You Know Who You Fuckin’ With?” ASSASSINS by Insane Clown Posse fills the arena. “Wicked Clowns, Wicked Clowns!” JESTER strolls out, green hair falling across his brow in tiny, tight braids. Dressed in dark purple tights lined with thick leather buckles, no boots and a green flack jacket, he throws his arms in the air. MISS JOBBS trails out behind him, striking a pose to his left. Behind the two, GREEN AND PURPLE plumes of sparks EXPLODE! COLE And here we are, fans. The Jester makes his in-ring debut right here tonight on HeldDOWN. We know he can jump people from behind, now we’ll know if he can wrestle. COACH This guy’s dangerous, Cole. I’ve got a feeling he can back his cowardly ass up between the ropes. Jester and Jobbs make their way to the ring with focused faces and a determined stride. Jobbs jumps up to the apron first and parts the ropes for her man. Jester jumps up and pauses before stepping through. He reaches down into his tights – COLE What the hell?! COACH Put that away! -- and pulls out FLOWERS?!?!?! Jobbs looks THRILLED, giggling and hugging the bouquet close. She eventually tucks them into her top, creating a bizarre plumage between her breasts. Jester steps through the ropes and looks around as Jobbs enters and wraps her arms around him from behind, stomping her feet and swaying back and forth with crazed devotion. THE ARENA GOES DARK! Fully Alive by Flyleaf kicks in and the crowd volume spikes with it! BLACK WIDOW appears at the top of the stage in her usual attire, looking as intense as ever. There is no fear in her face as she throws an arm up and looks around. COLE Black Widow, still without a partner to the best of our knowledge, Coach. COACH I’m afraid on this one, Cole. This is not a good situation to walk into. COLE A whacked out lion’s den for sure. Widow hits the ring, glaring at Jobbs and Jester, who back away at the Ref’s prompting. Widow climbs the turnbuckle and plays to her fans, who respond with cheering. As Widow climbs down and gets her head in the game, Jester climbs out to the apron. He never takes his eyes of Widow, however, a cold, cunning glare. Something dark and dangerous lurking in his eyes. COLE Look at that. Jester may act loopy, but there’s something very dark and intelligent behind the act. THE BELL RINGS Jobbs, insanely, is still carrying the flowers in her bosom. The two women circle one another before locking up, resulting in Widow getting the headlock. Jobbs struggles and finally pushes free, sending Widow to the ropes in the process – she FLIES BACK WITH A SPINNING FOREARM! Jobbs is down but she scrambles back to her feet immediately, coming at Widow with a series of her own forearms. Widow blocks and returns, but Jobbs blocks that, feigns another forearm and hits a BOOT to the GUT. Widow doubles, Jobbs yanks her in for a SNAP SUPLEX! COLE Jobbs, again, deceptively talented. More than meets the eye. Jobbs backs away from Widow and… GRINS, eyes narrowed, a devilish mask. She looks over to Jester and the crowd DOES NOT like it as they realize what’s happening. Widow almost back on her feet – TAG to JESTER! He comes in and immediately PUTS the BOOTS to WIDOW, VICIOUSLY STOMPING AWAY at her. COACH What a dick! COLE And she’s all alone out there, Coach. Widow tries to get away but Jester’s right there with her. He STOMPS down on her ribs as she rolls to her back, causing her to coil up. The ref gets in there, pointing fingers at Jester who sneers but is distracted. COLE The ref trying to buy Widow some time here, maybe. He’s got to feel sorry for her. COACH This is crazy, but she agreed to the match, Cole. Widow gets a hand up to the second rope, which Jester notices. He PUSHES the ref away and charges, but Widow spots it – DROP TOE HOLD, JESTER’S THROAT BOUNCING OFF THE TOP ROPE! He stumbles back, giving Widow the time to get to the corner. Jester, coughing, turns back to her, glaring… and then grinning. He sizes her up as she leans against the turnbuckles, watching him. She takes a step forward, standing tall before bending forward, resting her hands on her knees. She motions a “come on,”! COLE Widow’s telling him to bring it! The crowd gets behind their heroine, cheering. Jester nods, CHARGING! Widow sidesteps, letting him run right into the – NO, JESTER LEAPS, REBOUNDS FROM THE TOP WITH A DROPKICK! Widow flies back, rolls up with it, but she attack on her ribs is still with her. She winces as she rolls back up to her feet, clutching her right side. But she’s not going to wait around, she makes right for Jester, landing a RIGHT, A RIGHT, A RIGHT, driving him to the corner, the crowd getting louder with every punch until – Jester, angrily, responds with a KICK TO THE GUT, concentrating on those ribs. Widow doubles, stumbling back, her eyes clenched tight with pain. Jester quickly grabs her by the hair and SLINGS HER INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! She hits shoulder first, her body rocked by the impact. She goes down to one knee, stunned, slumped against the second rope. Jester doesn’t waste any time, grabbing her by the tights and by the hair. He pulls her back and SLINGS HER AROUND, BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLE, and this time she lets out a raspy squeal of pain. Again, he grabs her, pulls her back, she can barely stay on her feet. He lets her go down, then DRAGS HER BY THE HAIR to his own corner. He picks her up, KNEES HER IN THE FACE and goes to his right knee, BENDING HER BACKWARDS OVER HIS LEFT KNEE. He tags Jobbs, who begins going to the top while he SLAMS HIS ARMS into Widow’s ribs, ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES! COLE Oh, my God, somebody’s got to end this thing! Somebody back there help! Widow desperately needs a tag, needs a medic! COACH This is the worst time ever for that bum Phoenix to be laid up in the hospital! Jobbs up top – KNEE DROP TO WIDOW’S HEAD! Jester drops her as the ref gets involved in the tag situation. He argues as Jobbs begins laying the boots to Widow’s sides again. Jester finally leaves. Jobbs drops an elbow for good measure and then hauls Widow up. Widow is in a bad way, her top short enough to display her quickly discoloring ribs. Jobbs whips Widow to the far corner, where she hits hard, but keeps to her feet. Jobbs is there in a flash with a RIGHT HAND, AND ANOTHER, softening her rival up before grabbing her legs to lift her to the top turnbuckle. Widow puts up no fight. Jobbs ascends to the second turnbuckle and throws up the horns to the crowd who are confused, but not happy in general. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jobbs sets Widow up for a big Suplex, but WIDOW HOOKS THE ROPE WITH HER LEG! Jobbs is confused by the block and tires again, but Widow BLOCKS AGAIN! WIDOW FIRES OFF A RIGHT, stunning Jobbs! Another tired, but HARD RIGHT! Jobbs’ feet go back to the mat now, and WIDOW HAS A HAND FULL OF HAIR! SHE JERKS HARD, Forcing Jobbs to turn, facing away from the turnbuckle with a YELP! DIAMOND DUST!!!! COLE DIAMOND DUST, DIAMOND DUST! WIDOW WITH A BIG MANEUVER! The flipping neckbreaker sends Jobbs flailing, extremely stunned, halfway across the ring. She sprawls, dazed. Widow, having come down hard on her ass, is curled up, fetal, having hurt her ribs as much as she hurt Jobbs. Jester tries to climb in, but the ref is there, arguing with him, keeping him at bay. COLE Jobbs can tag, but Widow’s got nowhere to go, Coach! COACH There’s no good way out of this for her. GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER HITS THE SPEAKERS!!!!!!! THE CROWD POPS HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE What the – ZACK MALIBU?! Sure enough, The Franchise himself is already halfway down the ramp, sans hood, decked out in ring gear, ready for action! Jester is all over his corner, trying to climb over the ref if he has to. Jobbs is sitting up, looking at the approaching Malibu with nothing short of FEAR. Malibu is at the ring now, looking under the ropes, saying something to Widow. He climbs up TO HER CORNER! THE CROWD POPS, REALIZING WHAT’S HAPPENING! The ref heads over, warning Jester to stay where he is until he’s legally tagged. Zack and the ref have words and the ref nods, pointing to the officials at ringside and pointing to Zack and making the “tag” gesture! COLE Zack Malibu’s come to be Widow’s partner! We’ve got a full match here, folks! COACH This is crazy! Malibu can’t just waltz into any match he likes! Jobbs scrambles up – TAG TO JESTER! Widow is still moving slow, but she senses the danger. Jester RUSHES, WIDOW LEAPS-------- HOT TAG TO MALIBU! COLE Zack Malibu is IN! Widow rolls out, Malibu flies in and Jester backs up! COACH Good for business, bad for Jester. Jester and Malibu exchange some heated talk in the ring until Zack decides he’s through talking. COLE Big right hand from the Pissed off Prep – Sends Jester reeling back. Malibu grabs him and sends him to the ropes. Jester rockets back, RIGHT INTO A FLAPJACK! Malibu is up before Jester knows where he is. The Franchise plays to the crowd, who are more than happy to blow the roof off the place for their hero. Jester gets up and launches himself off the ropes, but Malibu is ready, dropping. Jester’s got no choice but to leap over the Prep, who quickly rolls back and throws his feet up. Jester rebounds and Zack finds him, FLIPPING Jester up and over. Zack is up and over, locking in a headlock. COLE And Malibu tries to keep Jester on the ground. They struggle around the sleeper for a few minutes until Jester manages to get his arms around Zack and haul him up and over for a pin attempt, but Malibu rolls it back through to the sleeper. Jester tries it again for a ONE COUNT But Malibu quickly brings it back to the sleeper. This gets them close enough that Jester throws a leg out to the ropes, and the ref warns Malibu to break the hold. He does, and they’re both back up on their feet immediately. Lock up, Zack goes for the sleeper again, but Jester pushes out, sending Zack to the ropes. Zack rebounds and Jester gets in quick for an ARM DRAG. Zack is up, Jester’s there with a RIGHT HAND, and ANOTHER, driving Zack towards the corner. RIGHT HA- ZACK BLOCKS MALIBU RIGHT HAND, WHIPS JESTER TO THE COR— NO, JESTER REVERSES, and Malibu eats the turnbuckle. Jester sprints, Zack turns – DROPKICK! Jester lands on his feet, snags Zack before he can recover and WHIPS HIM towards the opposite corner! Jester’s right behind him, but Zack’s ready – Malibu LEAPS to the second turnbuckle, LEAPS BACK OVER JESTER’S HEAD— Zack gets his arms around the clown – GERMAN SUPLEX! ZACK HOLDS IT! He hauls them up – ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX! “TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The audience counts! And again – BIG RELEASE GERMAN! Jester goes right on his head, rolling over the shoulder to end up face down. The carnival reject grabs the back of his head, clearly in pain, kicking his feet. Zack turns his attention to Widow, who is grinning, albeit exhaustedly, leaning against the ringpost. He points to her and gives her a thumbs up, causing the crowd to give a little pop as she gives one back. Jobbs sneaks in the ring and runs past the Ref, enraged by the state of Jester, who is still nursing his neck across the ring. Jobbs runs at Zack, but he senses it and turns right as she gets there. She puts on the breaks, almost running into him, and IMMEDIATELY backs away as he shakes his head. COLE Jobbs realizing that that’s a pretty terrible idea. Zack doesn’t make a move against her, instead, he reaches his arm back. WIDOW TAGS! Zack ducks away as Widow scrambles up the turnbuckles! HURRICANRANNA TO JOBBS!! She never knew what hit her as she’s slung across the ring. Widow warbles to her feet, holding her side – but she’s definitely still got the fight in her. Widow storms towards Jobbs as Jester rolls out of the ring. The Ref moves to start counting him out as he’s still the legal man! She hauls the blond up, -- GREEN MIST SPRAYS FROM THE FLOWERS TUCKED INTO JOBBS’ BRA!!!! COACH Never trust strange titties! Widow reels back, trying desperately to wipe the green crap out of her eyes. Jobbs drops and rolls out, quickly moving to her corner. Jester slides back in and Widow STUMBLES RIGHT INTO HIM! He HAULS HER UP IN A SUPLEX – HOLDS IT! COLE This is it! That Jackhammer finisher he’s been using! Jack in the Box! Zack tries to come in, but the Ref cuts him off! SLAM! JESTER BRINGS IT HOME! WIDOW YELPS IN PAIN! The Ref turns from Malibu, SLIDES IN – 1 2 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE NO!!! COACH Poison boobs, Cole! Poison…. Boobs! Zack is there just a second too late. Jester rolls away and out of the ring before The Prep can get there, pointing and laughing. He and Jobbs make their way around to the ramp as Malibu and the Ref check on Widow, who is curled up, clutching her ribs tight with one arm, rubbing her eyes with the other hand. Malibu turns towards the ramp from where he is, his hand pulling Widow’s hair back out of her face. He glares at Jester and Jobbs, who are halfway up now. Jester grins and holds up his right hand, specifically the middle three fingers. He counts them off silently – one, two, three. Beside him, Jobbs inhales an apparently sweet scent from her bouquet. COLE Zack Malibu is a class act, people. This wasn’t his fight, but he brought it anyway. It looks like he hasn’t forgotten his friend Lunar Phoenix, his friend Spider-Poet after all. COACH Miss Jobbs breasts are the real star of this match, Cole. CLOSE UP on Widow, who Zack is helping get to her feet. Together, they stand in the ring together. She extends a hand and Zack takes it. She raises his arm and points to him, though not without a wince. He nods in appreciation and clasps her on the back with a smile. Jester and Jobbs give one last glare before disappearing. COMING UP NEXT HOUSE OF WORSHIP WITH GUEST KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! NEXT COMMERCIAL HOUSE OF WORSHIP With your Inspirational Leader....Abdullah Abir Nerdly Taped before a live mosque audience The scene is an astoundingly gorgeous mosque, with an interior lined by nearly ten thousand intricately handcrafted tiles, everyone remarkable in fantastic design, with images of flowers, suns, and fruits. Stained glass windows adorned with the glorious image of Abdullah Abir Nerdly striking poses of incredible heroism, admit natural light onto a throng of worshipers, all engaged in holy sallah. Hanging from the domed roof are antique chandeliers, which house gold plated ostrich eggs next to the actual light. All this stunning pageantry is to shine brilliant light on one man. The man being sung through the entry way by Salif Keita's Tomorrow. Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow The legion of worshipers rise to their feet, marveling at the sight of Abdullah Abir Nerdly, standing as proud and determined as any great religious figure has in history. His flowing, bejeweled maroon robes are kept from touching the floor by two beautiful female attendants. They uphold the train of the expensive gown, as the Muslim leader strolls through the aisle way, blessing his followers with disingenuous smiles and empty waves. Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow At his side are several more attractive young ladies whom toss flower petals before every step he takes so that he may tread only the most delicate and exquisite of paths. Sajo jon te i fe, Ousmane ko ka bi fe ka bi fe koniete ka le te sigi Sajo jon te i fe malienw (yes, those are the real lyrics not patty jibber jabber. no they aren't English!) Finally the inspirational leader reaches the podium on the main stage, where his followers watch him with a disturbingly slavish devotion. ABDULLAH Soldiers of Allah, I sing the word of He his holiness! Soldiers of Allah, be aware of me, for I am man created in the image God, Allah, Jallah, he our immortal creator, he our giver of life, he our singer of song, he our master of righteous justice against depraved sin! Praise be unto him, brothers and sisters. And praise be unto you. AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH Of great debate is what is god's greatest gift. Was it all human life? Was it light so that we may have the beacon to guide us across pages filled with his wisdom? Perhaps it was words themselves, so that we may know how to express his greatness? Yes, God's gift to give us the choice to give up and stifle our ego and baser desires, and to live to serve he, Allah is a miraculous gesture as well. But brothers and sisters, I argue that it was none of the above! They all pale in compassion to the gift of woman! Woman is where we, believers and heretics alike, all go to worship at the temple of his creation. Praise be unto Allah! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH But what is woman's greatest gift? Her greatest gift is the only gift she needs to perpetuate the joy of life. Motherhood! And is it any wonder that motherhood, that which nourishes and uplifts Allah's creatures has been a subject of much discussion in the OAOAST. With a company polluted by blasphemers, pagans, and false idol worshipers, it should come as little surprise to see them all rushing like moths to the embers of a campfire at the notion of motherhood. We've seen so many, overwrought with their simplistic earthly greed try to portray themselves as Krista Isadora Duncan's child! Fools. If we are grateful to Allah for his gift, obey Him, practice the Five Pillars and make effort to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad, we are rewarded. But these men and women, such as my sister Maggie, they expect more. They want undeserved riches, and unearned fame! They want this all from Krista Isadora Duncan. They are ungrateful for the many blessings from Allah and it is indeed a grave error to take advantage of motherhood. To them I say, Praise Allah, because punishment will hit hardest he who profanes the scared mother! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH These people claiming to be Krista's child, they are the most cruel enemy of humanity; because they are themselves the enemy of humanity! Because they don't believe in Allah; because they falsify the book of Allah; because they cheated the prophet Muhammad! To them I say, Praise Allah, for even in her wicked hedonistic lesbian ways, he watches over my mother, Krista Isadora Duncan! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH I have broke down, brothers and sisters, and I asked God to deliver me my true mother, and he has heard me! I've prayed more for this then anything, and Allah's hearing is perfect. Allah almighty has answered me in ways I never expected! Come to me my mother, and we will sing the song of God, speaker of the prophets hand in hand with lover of the prophets! I am your prince, and you, my queen! From the backstage area emerges the alleged mother Krista Isadora Duncan, clad in a plaid long sleeve collared shirt, and a denim mini skirt, with her hair covered partly by a plaid headwrap. The audience and her son welcome her sweetly, but she's much too concerned with her phone conversation to have any interest in them. KRISTA What do you mean you forgot to tivo The Tyra Banks Show? Damn it Terry, how am I supposed to make it through the week with the same crusty, wrinkled Victoria's Secret catalog I've had since grad school? Once my body accepts your liver I am through with you! Do you hear me?! Finally she slams her phone shut, which draws Abdullah closer to her, his arms extended, and his face widened by a beaming smile. ABDULLAH (warmly) Mother. KRISTA Abdullah Abir Nerdly! (Krista pretends to pull a lever on a slot machine) Ching, ching, chhhhiiiing! Lemon, lemon, lemon. Wow just what I've always wanted, boring ass shit. Thanks, loser. For those members of our studio audience with guns nows the perfect time to remove the safety. ABDULLAH Mother, come to me. KRISTA (digging into her pocket for pills) Hold on let me throw back a few these before I join you aboard the crazy train. Don't know what they are, but I got it from a licensed vet living inside a box outside of Best Buy. Yeah, better take two. One just makes you stop biting yourself. Hmmmm. You're starting to make me a little queasy, honey, but that could be because I'm doped up on monkey pills. ABDULLAH You have been robbed of a special gift! A gift that can never be replaced. Motherhood of a son created in God's image! But the thief is tricky, it fooled you by leaving something in its place. Fear. We're all afraid of something. I fear god. And I love god. You fear the truth. You fear the truth, my mother! But you must love the truth! Because you will fear the fire of lies! KRISTA Oh, honey, I'd like to do what Synth Esizer's mother did after she came home from work at the real estate agency and found him wearing her lipstick and her purple camisole, but alas and alack, bashing my head into a mirror and screaming "why aren't you a real boy, ya bleedin faggot?" doesn't make much sense in the context of things. Look, honey, I have religiously shown up occasionally to this company, maybe when a Lakers or Dodgers game hasn't been on, or the nail salon is all booked up, or the Fresh Prince on Nick at nite is one of the ones after the mom suddenly got light skinned, for three years and you being my kid is the tenth most absurdest thing I've heard all month. I know who my kid is! I was the one who stunted their growth potential and ruined their chances of ever doing simple long division through months of pregnant teenage drinking. There are two things I distinctly remember slithering out of me during that time period, a beautiful baby, and my finger after the Like a Virgin video was over. You aren't on the list, kiddo. ABDULLAH Mother, no. It isn't so! God has told me otherwise! KRISTA If Kris-Kross were here, they'd call you wiggity-wiggity-wigitty wack, jackass. You're talking crazier then Lynne Spears on Courtney Love's front lawn. Tell god to pick up a People magazine every once in a while. I am the most beautiful woman in the world, after all. And you? Well, for starters your nose looks like Truman Capote bitch slapping Tennessee Williams at the premier of a Streetcar Named Desire. And those pants make you look like you have an inflamed vagina. That doesn't really venture into childbirth territory, but someone had to spit truth. (In a Joan Rivers voice) can we talk, can we talk? ABDULLAH Yes, mother, yes we can! You struggle with the devil and his temptations of liquor and sexual vice! But you can have Allah and his messiah and you can call him and he will give you strength! You have been sent to me, to seek the truth in god, my mother! It is a glorious thing, the word of Allah, mother, why yes it is! And it can be spread to be millions of needy children through your generous donation to the Mosque of Abdullah Abir Nerdly. KRISTA Oh, honey, is that all you wanted? A little pocket change? Let's dig into the bank of...ah screw it let's just dig into my huge boobs, huh? ABDULLAH God, let me not be tempted! As promised Krista sticks her hand down her shirt and comes up with a large wad of cash, that brings a look of bright joy to Abdullah's face. KRISTA (still digging into her shirt.) Here's a thousand straight up, and here's two nipples straight up, jesus turn on the heat! Here's a good two thousand. And, hey, the third thousand's a charm! What a coincidence it cost three thousand to get them in! The boobs that keep on giving, I love my little girls! Or should I say big girls. And....hold on what the hell is this? (Krista pulls out a thick document of paper) The constitution of Valenzuela? Oh, Hugo Chavez what anti-American socialist terrorist conspiracies will you involve my massive breasts in next? Krista begins squeezing and unsqueezing her breasts together as though she were trying to mime them talking KRISTA (ventriloquisting in a German accent to pretend her breasts are quoting Marx) Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose, but their chains. .Workers of the world unite! KRISTA So well read, is there anything these babies won't do, besides Rosie O'Donnell's tongue? Oh, honey, your money, that's right! Here's a few more for you. And here's a little extra, go ahead and get yourself a nice little Jihad, honey. You've earned it. ABDULLAH Mother, that is a holy war! KRISTA Honey, I know, I have two masters degrees. And I really can't stand the dad of the fat kid who plays goal for my daughter's soccer team so hit him first. Yeah, he's my uncle and all, but sometimes we gotta make sacrifices for the good of Allah. And if you call me mother one more time, I swear to god, I'll rip your genital warts off with a forklift. MACKENZIE (O.S.) Now, that's no way to address the speaker for the prophets. Onto the stage strides Mackenzie DeCenzo. Mackenzie has outfitted herself in a short sleeve wrap dress, highlighted by a light green background and blue Y shaped patterns that seem to just off deep white bases. Though, Abdullah seems grateful to have another major name on his show, Krista is less then pleased with Mackie's arrival, and regards her with sharp disdain. KRISTA Speaking of genital warts that can only be removed by industrial strength machinery, Mackienze DeCenzo, everybody! Honey, you've over tweezed those eye brows again. Put two chopsticks in your hair, wear a kimono, and say no more until the foreign business man visiting the brothel selects you from a lineup of your peers. MACKENZIE Politely laughed at, then promptly ignored. Its quite the dichotomy you find yourself in. KRISTA Right, like Moneymaker yelling at his secretary for putting milk in his coffee because he's lactose intolerant, and then licking whip cream off that sixteen year old male page in janitor's chest. Can we talk? Can we talk? MACKENZIE No! No one talks about it! At least not without the privacy afforded by various Internet message boards. The dichotomy I'm speaking of is how you say that you love this mystery child of your's. That you actually care for them, but then nothing you do points in that direction. KRISTA If you can't get that I actually love this child, then you're deafer and denser then a Helen Keller and Beethoven crack baby! MACKENZIE No, no, no, if you love your child as you said you did, last week, this should be a tender build up to a fantastic reunion, right? But I wonder, if you feel so comfortable then why are you so reluctant to share any information about your child? You won't even give us their gender! Why not come right out in the open and bare your soul? Tell us who the kid is if you're so happy to have them? But you won't do that will you? Because you're not happy at all. ABDULLAH But why? Why have sorrows when you are the embodiment of god's greatest gift! MACKENZIE Because her kid is in the OAOAST. That is their job, Krista. Its not a little minor side venture like it is for you. Its their life. They don't get recognized as an actress, or a reality show star, or a fitness guru like you do. They get recognized, if they even get recognized at all as a professional wrestler. You can leave the OAOAST whenever you want, there's nothing tying you down. But, you're kid, if they want to avoid their foreseeable future being in a homeless shelter is stuck right here.. And unless the kid is Landon, chances are they aren't even overly successful at it. Maybe they've won a title here and there, but what do you care? They're only a lowly professional wrestler. They are nothing more and they'll never be anything more. Your child compared to you, is a failure. And that eats you up, and that will eat them up to no doubt. That's why you don't tell us who the kid is, to keep on avoiding the truth, and try to evade the shame everybody will suffer through when this all comes to light. Keep ducking, and keep dodging, but there's no escape. You can't fight what's inside. KRISTA You don't have a kid, well you don't have a kid that can't currently be adopted from a Humane Society, so maybe you can't understand. But, your child isn't their job, or their social status, or bragging rights to your friends, or awards in a display case. Your child is something you love and treasure, well before they even can entertain the notion of what success and failure honestly means. And I wasn't there for one of my kids, because I was young and irresponsible, but I'll make things right. Everyday I think about my children. Every single day, every single hour, every single minute, my kids have become my obsession. MACKENZIE How tender and sweet, I'll be sure to suggest that bit of hard earned wisdom to one of those day by day calendars. But, guilt over your child isn't really why I'm here, truth be told, that's more Moneymaker's kick. My passion is Alix, and even with a major CD release upcoming, and a healthy bakery, you still are a major, nearly unsolvable problem. That survivor series match way back when was supposed to be the end of you. But, somehow you survived that, and you keep surviving to this day. KRISTA Like a cancerous cyst, I guess. MACKENZIE I think of you more like a bug. Maybe a mosquito, because you're trying to suck the blood out of Alix. There's no other way to explain you showing up at her Rolling Stone photoshoot simply to ruin what's been a dream of her's since she was five. You could've done it anywhere in the entire city of Los Angeles, you could've even saved it for HeldDOWN, but you had to dump mud onto her magic moment. You wanted to hurt her as much as possible, just to compensate for being a terrible girlfriend, and a miserable parent. KRISTA Okay, sure, you're the reason she's punched a one way ticket to a post mortem appearance on Hollywood's Worst Celebrity Meltdowns, but I'm Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female! Oh, hey, who cares, if she's on her way to being Kirstin Dunst's roomie at the Cirque Lodge rehab clinic, just as long as she gets a little snippet of her music video played on the credits of Rob and Big! MACKENZIE That's real great, a woman who's blood alcohol level is written with the Budweiser logo is going to lecture me on substance abuse. Brilliant! I can manage Alix just fine. And in a far, far, better way then you. That's the truth, no matter what messages the media can plant into your warped and twisted mind. KRISTA Wrong! All wrong! The longer you fool yourself and you fool her into thinking you're doing anything but harm to her, the weaker and the worse she gets. And when she finally does break, you're not gonna be able to put her back together again! MACKENZIE I'm not listening to you crap! KRISTA You better, because my crap is my girlfriend. MACKENZIE My girlfriend! Mine! And I protect her. From everything. Including you. Especially you! Like I said., you're the mosquito I need to squash. But every time you're stepped on you grow bigger, uglier, meaner, and ruder then before. Its annoying. And if this debacle with your kid doesn't end you, I will find something that will. I want your life in the OAOAST dead. In the ground. Dead! And soon! ABDULLAH Allah teaches patience, and he rewards with an abundance of presents. AUDIENCE Praise be! MACKENZIE I don't have patience, and I don't want an abundance of presents. I just want Krista, far away from the OAOAST. You can keep Allah's gifts and mercies, I've already giftwrapped myself an early Ramadan present. The Moneymaker family's fifty five million dollar investment in TSM had a pow-wow with Anglesault and the network, and gave them fifty five million reason to put you, Krista, and a partner of my choice against The Beverly Hills Blonds next week on HeldDOWN~! KRISTA Oh, honey, you have the charm of a flesh eating virus! Your idea of an intimidating tag team, is two guys who lose almost as often as Christian Wright uses Theodore Moneymaker as an excuse to get airtime? The Beverly Hills Blonds are such a horrible, boring, irredeemable embarrassment to the OAOAST, Lindsay Gonzales is currently trying to fuck them. AUDIENCE Praise be! MACKENZIE And just make to things as stressful as humanly possible for you, why don't I offer you the choice of picking Alix's partner for her tag match next week? KRISTA Great! Wonderful! Maybe I'll even pick you. You're pretty tough and freakish, after all your vagina is so big that Ned Blanchard lost his career in there! Minus a decent comeback for that scathing remark, Mackenzie offers Krista a fiery scowl before turning on her high heels, and furiously marching off the stage. Minus one very talkative but very vituperative guest, Abdullah Abir is free to devote his overjoyed gaze upon the woman he still believes to be his mother. ABDULLAH Mother, where were we? KRISTA Oh, honey, for the last time I'm not your mother! I know who my kid is! And think about it logically, you're nearly three yards smaller then me, how can you be my child? If you painted yourself white, strapped on a pair of wings, you could double as Mackenzie's tampon. Unwilling to partake in Abdullah's constant assertions that he is her child, Krista nods him a curt farewell and exits the opposite stage of Mackenzie. ABDULLAH (clutching Krista's cash in his hands) My mother is both merciful and generous! An extension of the greatest beauty of Allah! And so you must be generous as well! Please, do not hesitate to go to Houseofworship.com, and make your credit card donation to the Abdullah Abir Nerdly Mosque. Do this because it is the right thing to do, do this solely for the Pleasure of Allah. Praise be! AUDIENCE Praise be! We fade out with Abdullah smiling brightly as he greedily counts Krista's money. COMING UP NEXT ITS NOT HANDICAP ITS DIFFERENTLY ABLED! The Puerto Rican Vs Rock Hard Brickston and Mister Boricua NEXT COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought To You By.... Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins-Starts Tomorrow. I wouldn't see it if I were you! Cadillac CTX-2008 Motor Trend Car Of The Year Viagra-Viva Viagra "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd does what they usually do, and that’s stand up and start booing the arrival of one or more members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. The lights go down in the arena as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays. COLE Again? COACH Yes, again! Three times in one night! Aren’t we so lucky!? Smoke fills the entrance stage. A HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds begins playing and the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* Pink spotlights converge around the arena. The entrance doors slide open, and two very sexy smooth legs appear through the smoke. This alone is enough to get the fans’ attention, but when Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick’s entire body appears on the entrance stage less than 5 seconds later, the fans REALLY begin hooting and hollering. COACH Whoa baby! COLE Well, this is nice. Lindsay coming out by herself apparently. COACH Good! More for me! COLE And me too! COACH Yeah right! The crowd is decidesly mixed for Lindsay. 50% cheers, 50% boos. Although soon the cheers drown out the boos for Popick’s wife. Lindsay holds the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder, and a microphone in her left hand as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. COLE Lindsay said that she was going to reveal the main event for tonight’s HeldDOWN~!. I wonder what the main event is exactly. COACH Shut up and let the Corporate Queen speak! Lindsay smirks at the crowd. She laughs at all of the women in the audience. COLE Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, the OAOAST Women’s Champion, who hasn’t defended her Title since August of last year! COACH All of the women in our women’s division are scared of her! NOBODY wants to step up to the plate and challenge her! Can’t say I blame them! COLE You don’t think her not defending the Women’s Title has anything to do with her being married to Popick, do you? COACH Of course not! That’s a PRESPROTOUS thing to say! The OAOAST ain’t THAT crooked, Michael! COLE I’m just sayin’. Lindsay brings the microphone to her luscious lips. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of Lindsay’s announcement. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK Now, I know that a lot of you are fans of Tha Puerto Rican. I’m not, personally. But I know that a lot of you are. And as fans of Tha Puerto Rican, I can understand how you must feel, personally disappointed in PRL’s performance tonight. I mean, after all, the members of the Corporation did PUMMEL Tha Puerto Rican one week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match against Spanish Fly! COACH Uh-huh. That’s true. COLE That was AFTER the match, Coach! COACH But he DID get beat up! Lindsay is telling the truth…Ruth! LINDSAY Now… “SLUT!” “SLUT!” “SLUT!” “SLUT!” Lindsay gets annoyed with the non-stop “SLUT!” chants. COACH Show those--her some respect! Idiots! COLE These fans using their freedom of speech to tell Lindsay what they think of her! COACH They’re morons. They’re just jealous because they can’t have her! She’s out of their league! I mean look at her. They’re--she’s beautiful! COLE Her eyes are up there, Coach. COACH I know where they are you dingbat! I was just…distracted for a second. That’s all! Lindsay marches on, ignoring the chants. LINDSAY Now, I am sure that you are all thinking that you won’t have the opportunity to see Tha Puerto Rican again here tonight. Well, as usual, you are all wrong. Because since Tha Puerto Rican WILL be retiring next Thursday night, we here in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation want to give his fans, his ’Lightning Bolts’ the chance to see their ’hero’ for as long as possible! So, you all WILL have the opportunity to see Tha Puerto Rican again here tonight. BUT, it’ll be in a match of MY choosing! A figurative slap in the face if you will. No wait, not just a slap in the face…but…a kick in the pants too! COLE I don’t like the sound of this. COACH SHHH! LINDSAY (CONT’D) Because tonight, live on HeldDOWN~!, in a very special match, Tha Puerto Rican will compete in his second-to-last match against the team of MISTER BORICUA… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LINDSAY AND…the NEWEST member of the SJPC…ROCK HARD BRICKSTON! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LINDSAY And this match will be…a HANDICAP TABLES MATCH! COLE Oh my! COACH Yeah! I like it! Lindsay smiles evilly. LINDSAY And P.R., honey, the only way that you can win is by putting BOTH Boricua AND Rock Hard through tables. HOWEVER, however, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua only have to put YOU through one. So tonight, as the clock winds down on Tha Puerto Rican’s career, I promise…as a matter of fact…I GUARANTEE that tonight will be the night that Tha Puerto Rican gets PULVERIZED! The crowd boos loudly. LINDSAY (looking directly into the camera) So, uh, good luck ‘baby’. Cuz you’re gonna need it! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Lindsay blows a kiss into the camera. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. Lindsay has a cocky smirk on her gorgeous face. She blows a kiss to the fans and then waves bye to them. The crowd boos. COLE A 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match is our main event for tonight’s HeldDOWN~! One week away from the Ultimate X Match with Tha Puerto Rican’s career on the line! COACH They’re softening him up! They’re getting him good and ready for next Thursday night when his career finally, FINALLY ends at the hands of Spanish Fly! COLE He’s going to be taking on almost the entire Corporation tonight! All that’s missing is Fly, Popick, Wall and Thomas Rodriguez! Not to mention the two ladies in the Corporation. COACH Well, he gets Fly next week. He’ll never get another shot at the belt OR Popick. Wall is resting until AngleMania, and Thomas is a referee, you dumbass! And why would PRL fight Lindsay and Princess Stacey unless Tha Puerto Rican was some kind of sick misygonist…which wouldn’t surprise me. COLE Will you stop!? Anyway, fans, things look bad for Tha Puerto Rican! In addition to that career threatening Ultimate X Match next week, he’s got to go into a Tables Match alone against Rock Hard Brickston AND Mr. Boricua coming up in our main event tonight here on HeldDOWN~! COACH Oh boo hoo! I can’t wait for it! Lindsay’s right. PRL is going to get PULVERIZED! She guaranteed it! And if Popick’s guarantees always come true, then I’m sure Lindsay’s will too! After all, she’s his wife! COLE Will Lindsay’s guarantee come true? Is Tha Puerto Rican going to get softened up before his big Ultimate X Match next week? We’ll find out later tonight on HeldDOWN~! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick adjusts the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder and then walks back through the entrance doors, an evil smile on her beautiful face, as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds continues playing. FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIAL HeldDOWN returns to live action with OAOAST interviewer Terry Taylor, wearing the poorly chosen outfitt of the Anglemania 7 baseball jersey, and grey sweat pants stationed backstage with Theodore Moneymaker, who obviously doesn't shop at local dumpsters like Terry, as he wears fine pinstriped suit. TAYLOR Terry Taylor, here with Theodore Moneymaker, CEO of The Enterprise, and one half of last year's Anderson Cup winners. Mister Moneymaker... MONEYMAKER The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray. I believe that was written by Mister Robert Ffrost way back when in 1785, and it still holds true centuries later. Here in the OAOAST, there are millions of schemes planned throughout the year, everyone is trying to change their lousy, lonely, useless life. The latest one, hit Mister Moneymaker up, plead with him and throw yourself on the mercy of his court so that he'll tell you you're Krista's kid. As if me saying something I know not to be true is just going make all your problems go away! Its not even that bad a plan, at least half the roster has a decent shot of salvaging what's been a miserable existence. Anyone over twenty six? We'll they're shit out of luck. But, with all great plans something totally out of control comes and messes it all up. Take Krista Isadora Duncan, and if you're a woman between the ages of eighteen and forty living in the Los Angeles area chances are you already have. BWHAHAHAHA! TAYLOR Why couldn't I have been born a female? MONEYMAKER Six months ago, I bet if you asked her where'd she be on this very Thursday night, she'd say defending her tag titles with girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia, while her only daughter lovingly watches between bouts of trigonometry, smart kid, homework. Now, she watches as her perfect celebrity life slowly, but surely, fades away. She was workin' it and workin' it, and fueling that perfect image. The one that makes her one of the most recognized faces in Hollywood. And then all of sudden, if I could quote one Alix's favorite tunes, her baby's secret for her. Her other kid is loitering around this roster, and they are going to be pissed when the truth steps out. BWHAHAHAHA! People do awful things to one another, man. That's why the prison industry is a billion dollar one. Because there's billions of horrible things going down even as we speak. They rape each other, they rob, and stab, and murder each other. But the worst crime in the world is betrayal. And Krista betrayed her child, and there's no jail term long enough for that! BWAHHAHAHA! TERRY That's terrible! MONEYMAKER Life is terrible, Terry! Its awful and its pathetic! My point is, Krista's prefect success is endangered, Taylor. Its endangered by me and my plan. The Enterprise's perfect plan for Krista's destruction. The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray. But, I'm no mouse and I'm no man. I am a god, Taylor. My word, my rule, my power is absolute. Krista may think she's above everyone else in the OAOAST, and she is. But there's one person above her. Me. God. BWAHHAHAHAH! Without offering so much as a single look in Terry's direction, Mister Moneymaker walks off scene in possession of a twisted smile.

TONY SCHIAVONE and BLACK WIDOW standing against the HD interview backdrop. Widow is pacing back and forth. SCHIAVONE Tony Schiavone here with Black Widow. (Crowd POPS!) Tonight, a match designed to give us a picture of what might be coming, but a match in danger. A Mixed Tag Team event, the maniacal Jester and Miss Jobbs against Black Widow and… who, Widow? WIDOW As of right now, it’s just me, Tony. Phoenix is not cleared to wrestle, and we don’t have very many unoccupied friends. SCHIAVONE And if you can’t find a partner by bell time? Widow stops pacing and crosses her arms, lifting her chin defiantly. SCHIAVONE You can’t be serious! WIDOW I’m dead serious, Tony. Jim and I have never run from a booked fight and we’re not about to start running now. SCHIAVONE Surely, this will become a two-on-one match. WIDOW They still gotta tag, Tony. She throws a wink out and leaves. SCHIAVONE My goodness she’s got a pair, and I do mean balls! COMING UP NEXT Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup The Sooner Bruisers Vs The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew NEXT BUFFER The following contest is a Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup, Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, scheduled for one fall! Relieved to have gotten through that mouthful without stumbling over his words, Buffer smiles wide as "Easy Lover" begins to waft through the arena. "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" Out through the entrance swagger the walking stereotypes that are Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul. Lucius picks away at his 'fro with a renewed look of confidence on his face since we last saw him, Rico swaggering out in front stroking his trusty porn 'stache to all the Alabama mammas in the audience. The duo come to an abrupt stop as they're flashed in the aisleway by a fan hoping to earn some Mardi Gras beads. Unfortunately, the fan happens to be a heavily overweight male in his 40s which turns Rico a little green in the gills. VENTURA Don't go getting any ideas Schiavone! BUFFER Introducing team number one! At a total combined weight of four hundred and thirteen pounds... they are the number three seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... together, they are THE MARDI GRAS HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMEEWRECKING CCRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWii!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lucius and Rico rule the roost, strutting around like they own the ring. Mainly because there's no big Oklahomans to argue with them, at the moment. SCHIAVONE The Mardi Gras crew looking pretty confident tonight Jess. VENTURA Well they've made it this far, they're now one win away from the Conference Final. And not to mention, they got that big win last weekend on Syndicated over The Bruisers... SCHIAVONE Well, that was in eight man tag team action and it was Synth who picked up the fall. VENTURA Doesn't matter. The record books say Mardi Gras were winners and The Sooners were losers. They've got momentum on their side, which is going to be vital because they'll need every advantage they can get if they hope to advance over the former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions. SCHIAVONE Who were never beaten for those titles, let's not forget. "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter rips through the arena and the crowd jump to their feet. Muscles flexing to the point of bursting, Big Frank soaks in the spotlight with Uber barking away in the background. BUFFER And introducing their opponents! At a total combined weight of five hundred and thirty pounds. They hail from the great state of Oklahoma... the number two seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, BIG FRANK and UBER... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA The great state of Oklahoma!? Is that what we did with JR in the end, locked him away writing Buffer's cue-cards? SCHIAVONE .....The Sooner Bruisers made these pre-recorded comments earlier. OAOAST In the right corner of the screen appear The Sooners in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. BIG FRANK You know since we've been back, me and Uber, we've been keepin' a pretty low profile. We've been away for a while, we ain't expecting to still be the top of the food chain around here. So we've been hard at work behind the scenes, knocking off the ring rust, getting back in top condition. We came back for competition. But we sure as hell weren't expecting to have an 'L' on our records so quick. Wouldn't ya know it, that smacked up bitch Synth gets a cheap one over us first time we get them sons of bitches back in the ring! UBER But if ya'll think that's a good thing, more fool you. See all it's done is pissed us off! BIG FRANK And Mardi Gras, you boys are in the unenviable position. You're the beta test for the pissed off Sooners, Version 9,000,000.0! Featuring the Soonerline, upgraded for 2008, with 800MB of *WHAM!* Compatible with all chest cavities! UBER OW OWWWWWii HELDDOWN~! *DINGDINGDING!* With The Sooners comments comes the opening bell, Big Frank and Uber rushing their opponents at the outset! Uber takes Rico and Frank takes Soul clubbing them with forearms against the ropes. Setting them up, Uber and Frank then send The MGHWC off the ropes with stereo irish whips, loading up those SOONERLINES... but Rico and Lucius grab onto the top rope and drag themselves out of the ring to safety! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE That was almost the worst possible start for The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. VENTURA No doubt. A couple of Soonerlines and it could have been curtains. Once they've got their gameplan re-assessed, Rico and Lucius high-five and break the huddle. It's Lucius to start off officially with Frank and surprisingly he doesn't look overly concerned. Lucius jigs over to Big Frank and locks up, jockeying for position. Frank doesn't do much in the way of jockeying though. And as Lucius struggles to move his larger opponent, Frank eventually gets bored and shoves him unceremoniously to the mat! Up sits Soul, looking shocked, as Big Frank shows off his mega-biceps. SOUL Naw, naw, dat just ain't right! As Frank flexes the double biceps, Lucius complains to the referee and orders that he check Frank out. Despite the fact he's wearing no elbowpads. Referee Robinson makes this point, but Soul ducks his head through the ropes, refusing to continue until the check is made. VENTURA If Lucius is trying to play mind-games with The Sooners, he's wasting his time. The crowd get on the Nawlins native's back. But once he's sure that Frank isn't concealing any foreign objects under his skin, Lucius is good to go again. Another lock-up and this time Lucius doesn't try to match power, grabbing a side headlock. Big Frank just shoves Lucius off into the ropes with ease though. Underneath the elbow goes Lucius, rebounding back with good speed. But that speed just runs him into a shoulder check, knocking him clean off of his feet! Lucius scurries to the outside as the fired up Big Frank drops down and does some push-ups in the centre of the ring to show how easy life is right now! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" VENTURA Told ya! There's some mind games right back from two of the best! SCHIAVONE The Sooner Bruisers can intimidate you like no other team in the OAOAST. Size, strength and plenty of unpredictability. Lucius slides back into the ring, solely to tag Rico in legally before bailing back out. A bit more even in size are Frank and Rico, the Brazilian confident enough to lock-up with Frank even after his partner's failings. Frank quickly shifts behind Rico into a waistlock, picking him up off his feet and dumping him face-first. The former NCAA All American then rides Rico, who has no answer to it what-so-ever, except scramble out of the ring when Frank stops to paintbrush him in the back of the head. Getting tired of the stoppages, Big Frank opens up the ropes and 'invites' Rico back inside as he stands on the floor, thoughtfully stroking his porn 'stache. SCHIAVONE And Uber's not going to stand for this. Not at all, as he breaks up a Mardi Gras pow-wow and pitches Rico back into the ring! Big Frank quickly goes back on the offence on Rico... ...but as Uber turns to go back to his corner, he suddenly hits the deck off a CHOPBLOCK by Lucius!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The referee doesn't see it, only spotting Lucius as he rushes back to the corner. Big Frank meanwhile has Rico up over his head in a Gorilla Press and slams him hard to the canvas. He covers... 1... 2... NO! VENTURA Big power there by Frank, but what he doesn't realise yet is that his partner is out on the floor, looking in a real bad way from where I'm sitting! Shoving Rico into a neutral corner, Frank clubs him across the chest with a forearm. And again. Referee Robinson tells him to get out of the corner and he does, bringing Rico with him by the hair. Whip off the ropes and Rico gets sent around the world, driven down with a real bad landing off the Tilt-A-Whirl Suplex! But as Frank gets up to make a tag, he notices for the first time his brother Uber laid out on the arena floor, distracting him while Rico crawls over to tag out. SCHIAVONE Uber looks hurt Jesse. VENTURA No doubt, when these Sooners stay down you know there's something to stay down for. Lucius clipped out that knee from the back, could have done any number of things to the leg. Ligaments, tendons, if Uber had that foot planted then anything could have gone. As Frank starts to leave the ring to check on his brother, the referee tries to convince him to stay in the ring. Under duress, he does... but as he goes back after Rico, he instead finds Lucius and a Bicycle Kick to the jaWii Down goes Frank, prompting Lucius to dive on top with an eager cover... 1... 2... NO! Mounting Frank, Lucius keeps the pressure on with some right hands before tagging Rico back in. SCHIAVONE And now it's two on one, for the time being at least. VENTURA Which Rico and Lucius are going to have to take advantage of. Simple as that. Lucius holds Frank open, for a boot to the ribs from Rico. The Mardi Gras partiers then combine to hit Big Frank with a Double Back Suplex, for another pin attempt... 1... 2... No! Crawling to his corner, Frank finds no respite as Uber continues to lie injured on the outside. Rico follows Frank in, taking a punch to the gut. And a second. But a rake of the eyes cuts off Frank's third shot, Rico then turning him around and smothering him against the middle turnbuckle. Once he's subdued Frank (and shrugged off the ref), Rico jogs over to make another exchange with Lucius. Leaping in over the top, Lucius measures The Man Of Tommorrow as he pulls himself up in the corner... AND LEVELS HIM WITH A YAKUZA KICK IN THE CORNER!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A schoolboy brings Frank down out of the corner... 1... 2... NO!! Lucius gets right on Robinson's case about the count, before he notices Uber starting to pull himself back onto the apron. One kick sends him back to the floor, the left leg clattering off the concrete for good measure. VENTURA That's right, no time to be griping with the referee. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew have to press home this advantage while it's there! Grabbing Frank in a facelock, Lucius tries to drag him over to his corner. Moving the bigman is still a struggle though, so Rico doesn't wait for the tag and comes in anyway. Only the referee's five count can stop The Mardi Gras'ers from their double-team and they're well within that as they hit a double back elbow off a whip. Lucius feeds Rico his foot for the Assisted Standing Moonsault and hooks a deep leg... 1... 2... Kickout! This time a legal tag is made, to bring Rico back in, geed up by Lucius as he enters. "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" Getting distracted briefly with the fans, Rico allows Frank to get a shot in from his knees! Frank lands two more punches to the gut and gets to his feet, crossing Rico's eyes with a big haymaker. The Brazilian fires back with a right hand of his own. But he makes the mistake of running the ropes, telegraphing a clothesline and falling prey to a German Suplex as Big Frank ducks the shot! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE You cannot underestimate the toughness of The Sooner Bruisers! Frank has been in there two on one all match, but he simply refuses to stay down. Lucius runs in and heaves Frank to his feet... but cannot heave him onto his shoulders for the F2S. A second attempt, no joy. So Soul rethinks, whipping Frank into the Mardi Gras corner. Soul backs up and throws himself at Frank with the Soul Brother Splash... NO! Big Frank sidesteps and GETS THE TAG to Uber! SCHIAVONE Here comes little brother! VENTURA But will the leg hold out on him? Obviously Lucius doesn't think so, having saved himself by landing on the bottom rope. He smiles as Uber hobbles into the ring, sprinting at the injured Sooner... ...AND GETTING CLUBBED DOWN WITH A SOONERLINE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Oh-ho-ho! Looks like it will Jesse! Uber hops past the motionless Lucius, spotting Rico as he charges with a double axehandle weilded. Catching Rico coming, Uber turns and throws him with a T-BONE SUPLEX, one leg and all! 1... 2... ...Lucius saves! Hobbling, Uber gets up but fails to get the first shot in on Lucius. A kick to the kneecap drops the 260 pounder Bruiser in a heap, Soul quickly barring the leg into a halfcrab! VENTURA Uber's howling. But he's howling in pain tonight. SCHIAVONE What a feather in the cap it would be for The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, to not only beat The Sooner Bruisers but to do so via a submission! VENTURA They may never have a better shot than now. Uber reaches out but is nowhere near the ropes and struggling to crawl any closer. Lucius wrenches on the knee, yelling at Uber to give it up. Just as Uber is looking to be in trouble though, big brother Frank re-enters the ring. After a shot to the back he drags Lucius off of Uber, butterflying the arms and drilling him to the canvas with a powerbomb!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Flipping him over, Big Frank decides to kick back into the LAY-Z-BOY! VENTURA Now, who's the legal man here Schiavone!? And don't give me that 'I don't think it matters' crap you usually pull when you don't wanna answer! SCHIAVONE Well, if you know the answer already, why are you asking me? VENTURA I just wanna hear you say it! SCHIAVONE Okay then, Uber is legal... VENTURA Right! So why's the referee allowing Big Frank to stay in the ring if he's not legal? SCHIAVONE Well neither is Lucius. VENTURA So two wrongs make a right now? With Lucius shaking his head vehemently, Rico steps in to save his partner. A shot to the back of the head breaks the hold and Rico pitches Frank out of the ring. Rather than leave with him though, Lucius is helped to his feet to assist in a double team on Uber. SCHIAVONE Now, Lucius still isn't legal. VENTURA He's got a five count to get in and out Tony. Read the rulebook sometime. The MGHWC set up Uber for a double irish whip. On one leg he navigates his way back off the ropes, stopping short of the ducked heads and dropping Lucius and Rico with a DOUBLE DDT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" Back in comes Big Frank, clotheslining Lucius up and over the top, to the floor. The Man Of Tommorrow then catches Rico with a boot to the gut, ducking his head and taking The King Of The Mardi Gras up into the electric chair! SCHIAVONE Look out, could be the beginning of the end... Frank positions himself in front of the turnbuckles and Uber limps over. But as he tries to go up top, his leg gives out on him and he waves to his brother that he can't go up. So Frank re-adjusts. Getting his arms out in front, Frank flips Rico forward, catching him around the waist and SPIKING HIM INTO THE MAT WITH THE 69 DRIVER!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" SCHIAVONE Well, one way or the other! VENTURA That is end of the end. You could count to a hundred. Frank stands guard, as Uber limps over to apply the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE And The Sooners are going to the Conference Final! BUFFER Here are your winners, advancing on in the 2008 Anderson Cup... THE SSOOOOOOOOOOONNEEEERRRR BBRRRUUUUUUIIIIIISSSSEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Deciding not to try and get back in, Lucius just stands on the outside holding his head having seen his partner get impaled before his eyes as "Frankenstein" hits. Uber has to use the ropes to pull himself up, still cringing at the pain in his knee. Big Frank shows his concern, only flexing one bicep while he helps Uber get his feet with the other. SCHIAVONE The Homewrecking Crew had a gameplan. Isolate one Sooner, take out the other. And it seemed like it was working, if not for the determination and fighting spirit of these Sooner Bruisers. Uber fought through the pain and Big Frank fought the odds, meaning they will fight in the Conference Final next week against Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker, who can't be too pleased right now. VENTURA Maybe not, but there's a glimmer of hope in that left knee of Uber which I'm sure hasn't gone unnoticed in Enterprise Towers. Rico is dragged off to the back as The Sooners celebrate their victory. The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick are sitting on a giant white sofa. The crowd boos loudly. Stephen Joseph has his left arm around Lindsay’s shoulders. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lies next to Popick, while the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt lies next to Lindsay. A plate full of grapes sits on the giant glass table next to the sofa along with a bowl filled with assorted fruits and vegetables. Lindsay looks on lovingly into the eyes of her husband. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Just think Linds. Next Thursday night, we will be rid of Tha Puerto Rican forever! Puerto thinks that he has the ace in the hole by putting his career on the line. But if he only knew just great Spanish Fly is, then he might have realized that he may a mistake putting his career on the line. But PRL’s STUPIDITY is my reward! And next Thursday night is the last night that Tha Puerto Rican steps foot in an OAOAST ring! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK Mmmm. The thought alone fills me with glee! I can’t wait. POPICK Oh, and Lindsay, since next Thursday is Valentine’s Day, consider PRL’s retirement my present to you! Lindsay sits up. LINDSAY Oh, Popick! That is SOOOOO sweet of you! Nobody has ever done something like that before, ESPECIALLY PRL! Do you know just HOW many times he tried to end The Mad Cappa’s career and FAILED to do so!? POPICK Well, I am different from Puerto in several ways, some ways only you and I know heh, heh, heh. But one major difference between Ed and I is that *I* get the job done! *I* do what I say I am going to do! And *I* ALWAYS ALWAYS succeed in my missions! And next Thursday will be no different! Spanish Fly is going to beat PRL, END HIS CAREER, and then I will look forward to beating the stuffing out of Colombian HACK come Leap Year Spectacular and then having a nice, respectful CLASSY World Heavyweight Championship Match against Cuban Wall at AngleMania VII on March 30th! LINDSAY Oh Stephen, I am SO glad I am your wife! POPICK So am I, Lindsay. So am I. Now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of HeldDOWN~! with you boo. Did you see PRL's match earlier? MAN! PRL took quite an ass kicking, didn’t he? HA! HA! HA! Man, that is just a taste of what’s going to happen to him next Thursday! Man, I am SO excited for the Ultimate X Match! We are going to have ringside seats, you and I watching up close the END of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! LINDSAY That’s great! But you know, I think it’s time that I reveal the main event for tonight’s show! If it’s okay with you, of course. POPICK Of course, sweetie! Go right ahead! Take your sweet little tucus right to the ring and make the announcement! I’m sure the crowd will LOVE the main event that’s planned for tonight! LINDSAY Okay then! See you in a few, Stephen! POPICK Okay sugar! Popick and Lindsay kiss on the lips. Lindsay grabs the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt and slings it over her right shoulder. She then brushes the hair out of her face and then gets up and walks away, leaving the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room. Popick stares at Lindsay’s ass as Lindsay opens the door and exits through it. The door slams shut and afterwards, Stephen Joseph tilts his head back and smiles an evil wide smile. POPICK Yep, I got it made! Popick stares at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt that’s lying next to him. He has an evil grin on his face. Popick chuckles. The crowd boos loudly. COACH What is the main event anyway? COLE We’ll find out next apparently! We’ll be right back! COMMERCIAL

Backstage, we see Krista Isadora Duncan casually engaged in conversation with OAOAST interview personality Josh Matthews. KRISTA So like I was saying, I crank called Debra Messing and pretended to be the Kennedy Center. I told her she was getting a lifetime achievement award and right as she was starting to get excited I said psyche and hung up! She got me back though, she waited ten minutes, crank called me pretended to be the Kennedy center, told me I was getting a lifetime achievement award and then said psyche and hung up! Never saw it coming! Curse her! MARV (O.S.) Mommy, mommy, mommy! Charging down the hall at record speeds, and wearing their dark orange wrestling tights are the Christ Air Express. Despite being outfitted in gear made to fight, the Nerdly twins appear to be in a mood of uproariously delirious celebration. Krista, on the other hand, remains somewhat guarded at the arrival of the skateboarding themed tag team. KRISTA Oh, god, with your beard and that haircut, its like sex with KD Lang all over again! What do you kids want anyway? MEL We're just here to say, the BS stops tonight! We know the truth for real. You're our mama and that is a fact! MARV Word up! Don't go listening' to that crap Maggie, Anderson and Cash were trynna unload on peeps last week. That's true BS, mom, and neither you nor we are believing a word of it. Maggie as your kid? Jeez is that ridiculous. Blond, cute, sarcastic, pop culture references for weeks and weeks... MEL That's nothing like you. Not at all! MARV No, its nothing like Maggie, observant. KRISTA Jesus Christ, where's the button I press to drop you idiots into the pool filled with man eating piranhas? Look, doublemint twins, you're not my kids! Trust me! You're nothing like me! You wear orange tights with blue stars, and you see nothing wrong with subjecting Syndicated viewers to that fashion faux pas on a weekly basis. Those nineteen people deserve so much better! MARV We gotta be your sons, Kris. We got the bod, we got the style, we got the swag, and we got da honies! KRISTA Yeah, because you spent three hundred dollars on my fitness videos, and didn't use em for pud pulling fodder like the rest of the roster. The real problem is, you guys just aren't funny. You're not even funny adjacent. You're not even going to the funny highschool class reunion. MEL We are funny, you just haven't seen our far out brand of comedic styling in action. KRISTA Okay, then, fine. Hear this skin, pimps, I got a little prank war going down with Debra Messing of TV's Will and Grace. Now, for my last trick, I told her that she'd never work on anything meaningful or any way relevant in her life again...wait, that's not a trick, that's the truth. So I need a new trick then. My kid should have my strong penchant for comedic timing and my great sense of humor, so hit me with some funny, little boiz. MEL That's kind of tough actually uh...hmmm...um...I know. I think I know. You fill her kitchen cabinet with ping pong balls on a departure from a visit to her home. Wow! She'll open it up and as they all rain down on her, she'll laugh her BUTT off! Right? Right? Right? Right? MARV? Come on, bro, that was killer material and you know it. MARV KRISTA Mmmm-hmmm. Funny, Melvin, very. Let's see what someone who's actually my child would say. Krista removes her cellphone from her pocket and calls Maya. KRISTA Hi, Maya, sweetheart, real quick, what's a good prank to play on Debra Messing? MAYA Melt down her Emmys into Cable Ace Awards. She'll have a heart attack, and I bet the Will and Grace DVDs might be sold for more than belly button lint at the local garage sales. KRISTA Thanks, sweetie, you're the best. Love you to pieces! Smirking with satisfaction, Krista shuts the phone close. The Boiz appear as if someone emptied a round of bullets into their family dog, as their failure to become Krista's son finally settles in. MARV Um, we're gonna dial up Mama Nerdly and let her know how much we love and care about her, and see if we if can set foot in the house without guns being pulled on us. With dejected hearts, the twins slink their saddened selves back down the hallway, as Krista contemplates how much work it would take to turn Emmys into cable ace awards. Do they still even have cable ace awards? COACH Aren't MARV and MEL in their mid thirties? COMING UP NEXT I HAVE EXHAUSTED MY VAULT OF WITTY SUBTITLES JAMIE O'HARA AND TODD CORTEZ Vs BLONDE AND FAQU NEXT COMMERCIAL COLE We'd like to take a quick second to remind you all that next week, we will be broadcasting live from north of the border, from The Bell Centre in scenic Montreal, Quebec. Already three big matches signed for next week. The Conference Finals of the Anderson Cup to be decided, in addition to Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez one on one with the stipulation that if Landon wins next week, Todd Cortez must join the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional. And with that in mind, we go to the ring and Michael Buffer. "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship hits, bringing out the OAOAST's resident odd couple, James Blonde leading the way in his faux fur coat, tracked by Faqu. BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall. On the way to the ring, team number one... total combined weight, five hundred and nine pounds. They represent CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BBLLLOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and, his partner, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde raises an arm over his head, pointing to himself incase anybody missed him and his mound of fur. Behind him, Faqu sends a cameraman scurrying with a lunge. Blonde quickly gets in Faqu's ear and presumably tells him to save himself for the opponents, as Faqu leaves the rest at bay and enters the ring. COLE Faqu and Blonde, to do Cucaracha Internacional's bidding here tonight. Not only do they have Todd Cortez to soften up for Landon ready for next week, but also Jamie O'Hara, who we saw get blindsighted by Nathaniel Black last week. That issue is far from over. COACH So you're saying, two birds one stone? COLE Well, it could be three birds. A win for Faqu and Blonde tonight keeps them in consideration for another World Tag Team Title shot. "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Faqu glares down the aisleway as "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pumps through the arena. And out swaggers Jamie O'Hara, stopping for a moment as he locks eyes with Faqu but shaking it off and slapping some hands with his usual bravado. BUFFER And their opponents. First, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! Stopping in the aisleway, O'Hara hops around as he waits for "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche to hit. Todd Cortez walks out, showered in sparkles of pyro before he pounds his chest and marches to the ring. BUFFER And, hailing from Hollywood Boulevard! He weighs two hundred and twenty six pounds... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE A big reaction for the master of the Riot Act Plus! COACH And of nothing else whatsoever. Patting his partner on the back as he passes, Cortez slides into the ring and drops down ready to fight. O'Hara is right behind him and Blonde quickly moves to calm Faqu down again. Removing his gold chain and cross, Cortez keeps a close eye on the Samoan nonetheless. The former rivals talk things over in the corner while Faqu is convinced onto the apron by Blonde... "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Now, wait a second! ...because there's one more man to make his way out yet. "Megalomaniac" blares through the speakers and all heads turn as LANDON MADDIX appears on the stage, with Megan Skye at his side. Blonde makes a big deal of applauding his newfound leader as he walks arm in arm to the ring with Megan, eyed closely by Cortez as they pass. Referee Jack Doan is ready to lay the law down to them both about getting involved in this match, but Landon innocently holds his hands up, signalling that he's just passing by on his way to Sofa Central. COLE I don't remember anyone saying we'd be joined out here by Landon tonight. COACH When was the last time anyone told you anything? Most people back there think we replaced you months ago. Which may or may not have something to do with me telling them that. Anyway, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, whatever the heck that means. Getting his headset, Landon shakes hands with The Coach, politely declining the offer of the handshake from Michael Cole however. In the ring, O'Hara sees his partner's focus waning and makes it clear he's going to be starting the match. COLE Landon, nice of you to join us. No prizes for guessing what brings you out here. MADDIX My voice should be prize enough Michael. But, no, I'm out here on a little scouting mission, a chance to get a closer look at my newfound friends in action. And maybe I can impart some knowledge at the same time, who knows? COLE And no coincidence that this match is happening a week away from you facing Todd Cortez one on one? MADDIX I'm the SWF Commissioner, not the OAOAST commissioner. Not my call. COLE Right. *DINGDINGDING!* With the bell sounding, Blonde loosens up and circles with O'Hara. Blonde comes out of a lock-up with a side headlock and dedicates it to Landon shamelessly, before O'Hara manages to escape it by pushing him off into the ropes. Back comes Blonde with a shoulder block though to knock him down. The 'street-wise' Blonde dusts off his shoulder onto O'Hara and hits the ropes again... but O'Hara suddenly nips-up and catches Blonde with an armdrag on the rebound! Rolling to his feet, Blonde misses with an elbow, Jamie underneath it and pulling Blonde out with a whip. O'Hara telegraphs a duck of the head though, getting clubbed in the back as payment. MADDIX Good thinking, very good. After a slap across the back of the head, into the ropes backs Blonde again. Up goes O'Hara for a leapfrog... caught in mid-air by Blonde... but the Englishman tips forward and floats over the back with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Blonde tries for a clothesline as O'Hara gets back to his feet. But he continues to be one step behind his opponent as O'Hara ducks underneath the line and springs to the middle rope, twisting off with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Blonde kicks out. COLE O'Hara is so quick, so unpredictable, it's so hard to catch him once he's in motion. With Blonde backed up against the ropes, O'Hara goes into motion again looking to land with a clothesline. A duck of the head backdrops O'Hara up and over the top rope. But he lands on his feet safely, kicking Blonde in the kidneys through the ropes. O'Hara then launches over the top, hooking his ankles around Blonde's head and snapping him over with a headscissors! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Rolling on through goes Blonde as the SuperJay rushes in again. This time he gets a little ahead of himself though and runs right into a knee to the gut. MADDIX There we go. As O'Hara doubles up in pain, James takes a second to point to his temple to show how smart he is. MADDIX I love this guy. COLE Because he reminds you so much of... you? MADDIX Exactly! Blonde spins O'Hara around and takes him up for a back suplex. Over the top floats O'Hara however, landing safely on his feet and hooking Blonde over with a rolling prawn hold... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Blonde has clearly had enough and tags in Faqu! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And in comes The Samoan Wrecking Ball, right on cue. The workhorse of the team. Whether he likes it or not. COACH I'm guessing he does. MADDIX Oh, Faqu's a little... he's... you know, 'not all there'. But he likes dishing out pain. And that's just the way James likes him. Who am I to argue with success, huh? Faqu steps in and beats his chest, not intimidating O'Hara enough to get him out of the ring. The Birmingham Bad Boy squares up to Faqu and actually goes chest to chest with him, daring him to take a shot. Risky move. Faqu lets out a loud shout and takes a step back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...CRACKING O'Hara with one hard chop, taking him off his feet! COLE A brave move to stand up to Faqu. Not particularly advisable though. Faqu lifts O'Hara back to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner. The referee lays a count on Faqu, who just looks at him before taking his hands off of O'Hara at four... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...to deliver another chop! O'Hara falls down in the corner, stalked over by Faqu who pants like a rabid animal. "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" By the vest-top, Faqu drags the lifeless O'Hara to his feet again. A shove pushes him into the turnbuckles, Faqu ducking low with a shoulder charge to the gut. Faqu then sends O'Hara out of the corner with an irish whip, arrowing him towards the opposite turnbuckles. Grabbing the top rope, O'Hara goes up and ove... NO! Up but not over, Faqu catching him on his shoulder! Faqu peels O'Hara's hands off the ropes, turns and charges with him. But O'Hara slides off the shoulder and lands on his feet behind Faqu, springing up and dropkicking him in the back to create space to get a tag to Cortez! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Cortez shows a similar lack of fear and rushes Faqu, beating him to the punch quite literally. Four right hands stagger Faqu, setting him up for an irish whip. Or half of one at least, Faqu spinning and reversing the momentum. Off the ropes comes Cortez, ducking underneath a wild swing from the wildman and connecting with a Spinning Wheel Kick to knock Faqu down! COLE Down goes The Samoan Wrecking Ball! That's no mean feat in itself right there! Faqu gets back up, into a European uppercut! And a second! And a third! The shots to the chest seem to wind Faqu, allowing Cortez to hook him up for a suplex. Lifting Faqu proves much more of a problem however. COACH Not gonna happen. COLE Not just yet, at least. After two fruitless attempts Cortez gives up on the suplex and jumps over the back, trying to pull Faqu down with a sunset flip. Faqu stays on his feet, shaking his head... and SITS OUT... ...MISSING CORTEZ, barely! Rolling clear, Cortez comes off the ropes as Faqu sits hurting in the middle of the ring, blasting the big Samoan in the face with a basement dropkick! He dives on top, trying to hook a leg... 1... Kickout! Todd lets Faqu back up before running the ropes. Down the apron comes Blonde to try and cut The Urban Legend off in mid-stride with a sneaky knee. He doesn't prove sneaky enough though and Cortez puts on the brakes, cracking Blonde with a roundhouse kick that knocks him off the apron! The second with his back turned to Faqu proves costly however. Faqu strikes him in the back with his bare palms, then lofts Cortez up and over his head with a Saito Suplex! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Yes! Get on him now. KILL! KILL! Taking orders from Landon with the absense of his partner, who's currently piecing his front teeth back together on the floor, Faqu drops to his knees and lays in a blatant choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Faqu breaks the choke, looking like he's about to break referee Jack Doan, which sends him scrambling for cover. COLE That's the danger with Faqu, he's liable to do anything. He used to be a regular, well-adjusted human being, nobody knows what's caused this change and similarly nobody knows what he's capable of now. MADDIX Except for one man, James Blonde. And Nathaniel Black. And now, whadda ya know, me and Megan too! Faqu pulls Cortez up off the canvas, still looking daggers at the referee. A scoop and a slam places Cortez in the middle of the ring, Faqu coming off the ropes and touching his knees in mid-air as he comes down with a tuck bodysplash, flattening Todd under his 300 plus pounds! 1... 2... NO! Back on the apron, Blonde calls for a tag and gets it from his partner. "The Trendsetter" still feels his jaw as he enters the ring, stomping Cortez a couple of times to pay him back for the earlier kick. Blonde then flattens out Cortez again and leaps onto his chest with a Double Stomp! COLE Blonde in and taking over, after Faqu cut off the opposition. Not a new strategy and one that seems to suit this team. Especially Blonde. MADDIX They're the rightful Tag Team Champions! What went down at AnglePalooza was bush league. Where in the OAOAST rulebook does it say using chairs are legal, so long as it's on someone bigger and scarier than you? Nowhere, that's where. An irish whip sends Cortez into opposition territory, hitting the turnbuckles next to Faqu. Finding himself cornered he lashes out with an elbow to Faqu! He then lands a right hand on Blonde! A right to Faqu! A right to Blonde! "YYYEEEEEEEAAA..." The offensive flurry is cut off though, Blonde shooting for and picking out a leg, pinning Cortez in the corner. Faqu tags himself in and catches Todd wide open with an open-handed thrust to the throat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Angry at the double-teaming, O'Hara steps into the ring and ends up making matters worse. The referee steps in to move O'Hara back to the corner, allowing Blonde to stay in the ring and pin Cortez in the corner, this time with his entire bodyweight, only stepping out of the way to avoid an AVALANCHE from The Samoan Wrecking Ball!! O'Hara is beside himself, taunted further by James Blonde, just because he can. MADDIX I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before these guys have gold around their waist now that they're under our tutelage in Cucaracha Internacional. That's what Todd Cortez is going to come to realise once I beat him next week. With O'Hara finally moved out of the ring, Faqu covers Cortez... 1... 2... Kickout! With Blonde's approval, Faqu clamps on a nervehold, squeezing away at Cortez's trapezius muscle. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" COACH These people are so quick to cheer for Cortez and O'Hara. I don't get it Landon. They nothing but street trash, not well-groomed, clean-cut people like yourself and James Blonde. COLE Why would these people cheer someone like James Blonde? COACH He's a Trendsetter! COLE Call me naive, but I don't see the faux fur look catching on in Mobile, Alabama any time soon. Despite the numbness setting in down his right side, Cortez fights to his feet. An elbow to the well padded gut of Faqu doesn't do him much good. And a clench on the nervehold drops him back down to his knees with a groan. Relinquishing the hold, Faqu then strikes him in the back with a kick to put him all the way down. COLE Faqu has shut down Cortez here, with his size. MADDIX Not with his size, with his ABILITY! He's some giant lump of non-descript mass Michael Cole, he's a competitor, right now a competitor superior to Todd Cortez. It's not about size. Cortez is nothing but a one-move wonder without me! But that flippy-dippy piledriver isn't going to happen with Faqu and when you take that move away, he's not much of a wonder at all now, is he? COLE But taking that one move away is easier said than done for some, right Landon? MADDIX ...I'm not going to have to worry my pretty little head about the 'Riot Act Plus' after next week. Tagged back in, Blonde picks up Cortez... BUT GETS CAUGHT IN A SMALL PACKAGE... 1... 2... NO! Both men scramble back up... but Blonde finds himself in his corner, not thinking to actually tag Faqu as he instead dives to prevent the tag on the other side... and FAILS! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE TAG! Here comes O'Hara! In the only way he knows how, leaping to the top and taking out Blonde with a Springboard Dropkick! MADDIX No wonder Nat hates this guy. O'Hara pops back up and catches Faqu coming in with a flipping dropkick as well. The fact he was only on one foot serves to send Faqu through the ropes and to the floor. O'Hara sees him off and jumps to the middle rope, Blonde charging at him but getting leapfrogged! Into the turnbuckles clatters The Trendsetter, staggering out into a Busaiku Knee Kick off the ropes from O'Hara! 1... 2... NO!! O'Hara doesn't cry over spilt milk, jumping back up to try and make good on the pin this time, after a STANDING CORKSCREW SENTON!! 1... 2... NO!!!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Explosive as ever, Jamie O'Hara! Leaving the ring, O'Hara heads up top. Blonde is slow to his feet which allows O'Hara time to get his footing up top, setting himself for a Flying Crossbody Block... 1... BLONDE ROLLS THROUGH... 1... 2... NO! COLE I think Blonde had a handful of... whatever the heck O'Hara's wearing, tracksuit pants... anyway, point is he didn't get him. MADDIX How do you put up with this guy? COACH I convinced some people we fired him months back. See, that way, they ship in my favourite flavour ice-cream, which I keep right he... Trailing off, Coach realises he isn't being listened to anymore as Landon has left the commentary table. He jumps up onto the apron just as O'Hara flips Blonde out of a Guilt Trip attempt and nails him with a Spinning Roundhouse to the side of the head! No sooner has Blonde hit the mat than NATHANIEL BLACK appears, sliding into the ring and MOWING down O'Hara with a BLACK LARIAT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE HEY! Damnit, the referee didn't see a thing! COACH Haha... perfect. COLE Well, almost. Black slides out of the ring, but realises that Blonde is out and panics. Encouraging Landon to stall for more time he slides back in, Landon struggling to keep Doan's attention while Black drops Blonde on top of O'Hara... *SMACK!* "YYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" ...AND EATS A SUPERKICK FROM TODD CORTEZ!! COACH He's not even in the match! Thats what the phrase UNF'NCALLED FOR was invented for right there! Seeing his back-up go spiralling through the ropes and to the floor, Maddix shoves Doan out of the way and charges with a double axehandl... NO! Cortez turns around and Maddix, realising he's within at least 3 feet of yet another Riot Act Plus, dives to the side and right out of the ring, proclaiming his innocence. Cortez doesn't waste time arguing with him, as Faqu suddenly charges, the bigman not stopping for anything but finding himself on the floor all the same as Cortez sidesteps him! COLE The Cucaracha Internacional gameplan is crumbling before their very eyes! Landon tries despairingly to pull Faqu up, as in the ring Blonde gets up into a boot from Cortez. The Urban Legend reels him into the standing headscissors, wrapping the arms around the waist... ...and, after locking eyes with Landon, letting Blonde go. Instead he goes behind Blonde with a hammerlock, wrapping on the dragon sleeper and pulling the Canadian down into the STREET DREAMS!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Submission hold! The dragon sleeper/armlock combination, with the bodyscissors, there's nowhere for Blonde to go! With Faqu too much for him to lift, Landon can only look on in despair... ...AS BLONDE GIVES IT UP, TAPPING OUT AGAINST HIS OWN BODY!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* "Oh No" hits again as Cortez lets Blonde go, shoving him off of him and standing tall in the middle of the ring. Landon looks shocked as Cortez dares him to step into the ring a few days early. But La Cucaracha settles for getting Blonde safely out of the ring and gathering his troops. BUFFER Your winners of this contest... the team of JAMIE O'HARA and "THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOODD CCOOOOOOORRRRRTTEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE And look at the colour drained from Landon Maddix's face. The supposed 'one move wonder' has just given La Cucaracha yet more to think about ahead of next week in Montreal! Cortez helps O'Hara up, having to keep him from bailing out of the ring to continue the fight as Cucaracha Internacional have similar problems restraining Faqu. Despite the pain he's suffering Blonde is able to get Faqu under control, O'Hara yelling some parting words with Black as a clearly frustrated Landon waves his men off to the back. COLE Not quite what Landon had in mind for tonight. COACH Oh gee, you think? COLE It was obvious, the trap was set. But it failed to close on O'Hara and Cortez and instead of having a softened up Todd Cortez to contend with next week, Landon now has a little reminder of what Cortez can do besides the Riot Act Plus. As if that alone wasn't enough to bother Maddix. Cucaracha Internacional pile out to the back, with Landon getting a last bit of eye contact with Cortez. And it's clear for all to see, next week can't come soon enough. For either man. COMMERCIAL

smh @ this nikka thinking it was a pick-up game. you know he smoke some weed.

Nice little show, a breeze to read through, unlike last years which was so obscenely long I bet most of you haven't even read all of it! The Rumble is also mad nice but I decided to wait until its one hundred percent finished to add it, rather then just post bits and pieces.

If you mean periphery as in the edge or outskirts, as of a city or urban area, then sorry can't help ya! But if you mean it as relatively minor, then anyone of Los Diablos or Rescue 911, just to name a few, are but four of many characters available, I can tell ya that.

I will audition actors for the role of the old man by throwing bricks at old people at bus stops.