Patty O'Green

Brought to you by American Express Taped: February 2nd 2008 First air date: February 3rd 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan Highlights from Anglepalooza and especially the Lethal Rumble welcome those of us with nothing better to do at 3 AM in the morning. I personally suggest sleep, but that's just me and the natural biological processes of the human body. Anywhoot, Jesse and Tony opened the in-arena action with a rundown of tonight's card, Vinny Valentine takes on Mad Cappa, Leon Rodez and ThunderKid meet Spanish Fly and Vitamin X, James Riggs is in action, and in the mainevent Team Heyross and The Sooner Bruisers battle The Heavenly Rockers and The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. ***The Disco Duck Vinny Valentine Vs Mad Cappa*** Clips of Mad Cappa's somewhat quick elimination from the Lethal Rumble played during his entrance, causing Tony to note that this is opportunity to make good on his upsetting performance. Valentine emerged from the back with a shopping cart full of crap. Excuse me, high quality disco collectibles. Microphone in tow, Vinny V auctioned off his 70's era treats to a less then receptive fanbase. Some of the items featured in his sale were a replica of The Bee Gee's grammy, two strands of Barry White's chest hair, Steve Rubell's amyl nitrate, and a smashed record from the White Sox's Disco Demolition Night. Disturbingly, Valentine actually got a $1000 bid from Schiavone for a date with one of The Pips. The match? Well, as soon as Valentine entered the ring he was attacked by stomps from Cappa. From there MC continued to control the offensive flow of the match with a variety of suplexes, and DDTs. Valentine, however, managed to put himself on the attack when he distracted the referee with a fake knee injury, which allowed his cousin, Tony Tourette's to lowblow Cappa with a copy of Cheryl Lynn's FUCKING AWESOME Got To Be Real. From there Valentine pounded Cappa out with a brawling based offense consisting mainly of forearms and elbow smashes. Finally Vinny went for his finisher the Night Fever (Alabama Jam)! But Cappa quickly scurried free of Vinny's clutches! Caught by surprise by his foe's escape, Vinny was trapped into a standing head scissors, then lifted onto Cappa's shoulders. To the fans joy and amazement, Cappa powerbombed Vinny over the ropes, and right into his shopping cart of useless shit.....excuse me disco collectibles. Needless to say Vinny was unable to meet the referee's ten count. Winner: Mad Cappa, via countout On the interview podium Tony Brannigan was set to do an interview with Ned Blanchard. However, Ned never actually showed up at the podium, instead his image was broadcast on the wall mounted video screen on the stage's backdrop. He claimed that given his past history with Brannigan, that he could not ensure his safety, and thus refused an appearance. Brannigan said that if he was going to kick Ned's ass, he would've done it by now, but went on with the interview anyway. The topic was Ned's thoughts on Krista's illegitimate child. Given that Ned's the father of Krista's youngest, Maya, we might expect him to be concerned for her welfare and emotional wellbeing after the shocking revelation that she has a sibling. Uh, wrong. Ned seemed concerned only figuring out who was the better lay he or the other baby's daddy. The Handsome Hustler got down on his hands and knees pleaded for Krista to say he was. We also learned the disturbing fact that Krista made him pretend to be either Janet from Three's Company or Daphne from Frasier when they were in bed. The last one especially odd, because Ned can't really do British. We saw footage from earlier in the day where Spanish Fly claimed that he's Krista's son to various backstage staff. This drew the attention of a nearby Leon, who reminded Fly that he's about a foot shorter then the tall blond. A chuckling Rodez then proceeded to mock an incredibly annoyed and flustered Fly with numerous short jokes. The only reason he stopped his good natured taunting is due to Vitamin X sneaking behind him and whacking him with a chair. Before they could do serious damage to the Silky Smooth One, Rodez' partner for the day, ThunderKid, scattered the duo with his reckless swinging of a lead pipe. ***Silky Smooth Leon Rodez and ThunderKid Vs Vitamin X and Spanish Fly*** No sooner then two seconds after the Corporation representatives hit the ring did the match erupt into a wild free for all brawl. Thankfully for X, who was taking quite the licking from TK, referee Charles Robinson was able to settle the group down long enough to allow Leon to begin the match against Fly. Despite their smallish sizes, the two resumed a heated brawl, with Rodez using his strength advantage to pound out his Latin rival. Fly succeeded in shutting down Leon's attack with a boot to the gut and a backflip dropkick. The smallest wrestler on the roster then took position in the driver's seat, using agile lucha inspired moves to keep Rodez down. However, Leon was able to offer bouts of offense here and there, including hitting the crowd pleasing It's Da Boom! (Blue Thunder Bomb) Eventually the high flying foes wore each other down to the point where they had no choice but to tag in their partners. ThunderKid quickly overwhelmed X with a series of lariats, then proceeded to demolish him with moves designed to target the legs. After weakening X with a press slam followed by a shooting star press, Kid decided to tag in Leon. But that's where things began to go down hill, as when Leon spun across the ring for The Shack Attack rolling clothesline, Fly pushed him off course with a springboard swanton bomb. From there it was all Corporation; the duo worked over their foe with high impact moves designed to target both back and shoulders. There were several moments where it appeared that Leon wouldn't be able to keep fighting, but each time he continued his valiant war against Popick's lackeys. His resiliency would pay off when he blasted Fly with the Mama Said Knock You Out four jab combo! On his last legs he made a desperate tag to ThunderKid, who proceeded to clean house on Fly and The X-Man with lariats and dropkicks. But, the Corporation members were able to subdue Kid's assault with a double bulldog (lol i wrote bulldong 1st!), followed by some rapid and furious striking. However, The Grand Rapids Golden Child even upped the odds when he chucked X into the ring posts. Fly's attempt to gain revenge for his partner's quick dismissal was an abysmal failure as Le-Ro dropped him with a double leg takedown and promptly submitted him with a Liontamer. Winner:Leon Rodez and ThunderKid via submission. The HeldDOWN~! recap played, focusing on Landon's challenge to Todd Cortez and the unique stipulation, Popick's celebration, Moneymaker's continued efforts to humiliate Krista, Alix's E!News special, Rolling Stone photoshoot, and Krista's post shoot confrontation, Zack Malibu and Bo's brawl, Ander...ya know what just read the show okay? Read the fuckin show. Shit. ***James Riggs Vs Blake Hamilton*** Before the bout even began, James Riggs derided it as an uninteresting lesson in worthlessness, claiming that it was unfit to be entertainment for even serial killers on deathrow. Thus in order to lend some excitement to an otherwise banal affair, he offered young Hamilton a deal. If Blake could claim victory, Riggs would give him $500 of his own money. Considering that Hamilton probably had to pay 500 bucks to work the show, he accepted the deal with enthusiasm afire. Unfortunately his shoddy wrestling skills didn't set the arena afire, or even muster anything more then a knife edge chop. Riggs effortlessly beat him in thirty seconds, deploying a rolling koppu kick and a crossface chicken wing to spell disaster for Hamilton. Winner:James Riggs, via submission. A brief hype video for Anglemania played in which Zack Malibu talked up the importance of performing at the historic event, and said anyone who performs at an Anglemania is truly privileged. I told you it was brief! Backstage the team of Team Heyross and The Sooner Bruisers attempted to craft a semi-decent strategy for their mainevent match against The Wrecking Crew and The Heavenly Rockers. But the egos of Big Frank and Quentin Benjamin were impossible obstacles to overcome, and their session degenerated into a feisty argument that ended with referees and road agents having to come between them before violence ensued. The opposing lockeroom, however, was a testament to harmonious brotherhood, as the four men put aside their past differences to join spiritual guide Abdullah Abir Nerdly in joyful prayer and heartfelt thanksgiving. NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! The Conference Semi Finals Continue... MWC: Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew vs. Sooner Bruisers LI: The Heavenly Rockers vs. Team Heyross ***Team Heyross and The Sooner Bruisers Vs The Heavenly Rockers and The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Creww/Holly and Abdullah Abir Nerdy*** Right from the get-go it was fairly evident that The Heyross/Bruisers squad was still nowhere close to occupying the same page. It took a stunning amount of time for them to even decide who would begin the mainevent bout. A resolution only came when Rico jumped Uber, earning him the role as starter for his team. Uber would quickly recover from the shock attack to easily outmaneuver the Brazilian through several mat wrestling sequences. De Janeiro would then bring in Synth to try and combat Uber's impressive mixture of power and technique, but the Synthanator wasn't up to task of battling Uber's amateur wrestling skills. Soul, however, was able to achieve some success, battling past Uber's ground-based attacks with a plethora of fancy aerial kicks. Logan fared even better with a variety of neckbreakers, but wasn't able to capitalize on the damage he was building thanks to QB making a blind tag. Mann and Benjamin played an elusive game of cat and mouse with Benjamin attempting to overwhelm Logan with various submission efforts, and Logan seeking a homerun with a Percussion DDT. Logan's cagey performance didn't quite hold up against Big Frank, though, and the man of tomorrow brutally battered his old archival. Logan's teammates were equally as ineffective against BFB, being launched across the ring by a steady procession of belly to belly suplexs and lariats. Despite his path of destruction, BFB couldn't secure a pinfall, and finally had to acquiesce to Moss' request for a tag. Moss held his own with Logan and then Soul, but fell prey to a siderussian leg sweep spinning back kick combo from Synth and The Jive Soul Bro. That plunged him deep into an extended beating from his four opponents, who took turns working over his neck. However Moss countered a Mustache Ride from Rico into a DDT, and was able to capitalize on that in order to tag Benjamin into the affair. From there, control abandoned referee Billy Silverman's grasp, as all eight men had their time in the ring. The Rocker/Wrecking Crew unit seemed to have the slight edge on their foes, with Logan taking Moss out with a Percussion DDT, and Soul chucking Uber over the ropes and finishing the Psycho Gremlin (and himself) off with a moonsault press. But, a Soonerline from BFB took Logan out of the picture, and soon Rico met the same fate, leaving only Synth behind for his team. Desperate to aid his religious disciple, Abdullah tossed the Koran into the ring. But, Abby's no Eli Manning, and Frank effortlessly intercepted the pass. Unfortunately Frank is no Ryan Howard, and his attempt to blast Synth to Mecca went catastrophically awry when he missed the rocker and KO'ed Benjamin! Esizer took quick advantage of Frank's failings, booting him in the gut and drilling him with a percussion DDT onto the holy scriptures. With Holly and Abdullah celebrating in the background, Synth picked up an easy pinfall. Winner: The Heavenly Rockers and Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew via pinfall The show ended with the victorious party celebrating around the Koran in the ring, and the losers engaged in bitter argument outside of it.

ewc, i left space for your stuff. Anyone else there's plenty of room if you have late segments

plz enjoy the postshow entertainment courtesy of wwf warzone who the fuck is that weirdo in the first couple videos?

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Blasting on the screen is our introductory video, showcasing the adrenaline fueled thrill ride that is OAOAST programming. As the video cycles through close ups of key characters, and the death defying spots and stunts they routinely preform, Ultimate Victory provides an excellent soundtrack. The video finally closes out with a black and white image of OAOAST posterboy Zack Malibu starring sternly over his bare shoulder. From the logo we move straight to our usual announce team, residing behind the sleek grey announce desk and sitting atop the super comfortable leather couch that puts the sofa in sofa central. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Cleveland, Ohio for another edition of the flagship show in sports entertainment, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Michael Cole, joined as always by The Coach, Johnathan Coachman. And Coach we are counting down the days until Anglemania with huge fallout from Anglepalooza. COACH That's right, Cole. That's right. Shocking events all around on that pay per view, with our Lethal Rumble winner coming out of left field. But the OAOAST continues to roll on with big time happenings tonight, PRL, the Lethal Rumble loser is gonna be in action, buried in the midcard where his kind belongs, a special report from E!News on Alix Maria Spezia, Moneymaker's promising to reveal some hints on the identity of Krista's kid, and we got two Anderson Cup matches, and a hell of a lot more! COLE As you just said, the Anderson Cup Conference Semi Finals kick off tonight. For more information, Jesse "The Body" and Tony Schiavone, take it away! Across the arena we pan, over to the interview stage where Jesse and Tony stand with their backs to the entrance way. SCHIAVONE Thank you very much Michael. Just eight teams remain in this year's Anderson Cup competition, with one of those teams just eight and a half weeks away from the opportunity of a lifetime at AngleMania VII! This week and next will see the Conference Semi Finals contested. The Conference Finals on Feburary 14th in Montreal will determine the Anderson Cup finalists. And that match, for a shot at the One And Only World Tag Team Championships, will take place in St Louis on February 28th at the Leap Year Spectacular! Right now, we're going to take a look at the brackets and get some expert opinion from Jesse "The Body" before we get the action underway. SCHIAVONE There you see it. Jesse, your thoughts? VENTURA It looks real nice. Whoever designed it is real talented. SCHIAVONE I was thinking more regarding the matches. VENTURA Oh, of course. Well, you look at the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference and you see four sets of former champions. D*LUX and Mardi Gras, former HI-YAH Tag Champs. And Wright and Moneymaker and The Sooners, former OAOAST Tag Team Champions. Four very accomplished teams. Over on the Los Infernales side, you've of course got the former champs, The Heavenly Rockers. The Christ Air Express... 'technically' they're former Tag Champs too, although that seems like another lifetime ago. Team Heyross were WDW Tag Team Champions and shown occassional flashes of brilliance here in the OAOAST. And then there's the wildcard of Black and O'Hara, who are anything but a 'team' and yet picked up a pretty convincing victory in the end in the first round. SCHIAVONE One of the tightest fields we've seen? VENTURA Yeah, not too many first round surprises, taking most of the top seeds through. I think what stands out to me looking at those brackets Schiavone... what if The Sooner Bruisers advance out of the MWC Conference... and what if The Heavenly Rockers win the Los Infernales Conference? Wouldn't that be something? SCHIAVONE That would be one heck of a final, no doubt. But the crucial question Jesse is, who's your money on? Jesse grins. VENTURA I think you got it spot on right there Schiavone. The keyword is money. And my money is on the money! Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright to go two years in a row, ya heard it here first! SCHIAVONE Well, we'll see how they fare later on in our main-event when they take on D*LUX. But first it'll be Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara to try and co-exist once more, against The Christ Air Express! Those matches to come here tonight from Cleveland. Right now lets turn it back to Sofa Cent..... "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" COACH Oh yeah! The crowd immediately stands up and starts booing loudly. The opening to "No Chance In Hell" begins playing over the P.A. system. The new Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and every single member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation comes out, each member having a beaming smile on his/her face. Stephen Joseph Popick, wearing his eyeglasses, a white dress shirt, a Rolex watch on his right wrist, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, leads the way, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, wearing hoop earrings, a gold necklace, a tight grey and red shirt, gold bracelets on both of her wrists, her wedding ring on her right ring finger, a small black watch on her right wrist, tight black jeans, and black heel boots, walks right next to her husband, the OAOAST Women's Championship belt over her left shoulder. Oh, and her hair is in pigtails too. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK AND THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK CORRRRPOOOORRAAATTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! *But will find their place In line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz it’s just a matter of time Cuz you've got…NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* The SJPC members all laugh evilly as they head to the ring. COLE Well, last Sunday night, Cuban Wall shocked the world by winning the Lethal Rumble Match! COACH How did he shock the world? The man is 6'7" 285 pounds for crying out loud! COLE He never was a favorite! He surprised everybody! Last Sunday was Cuban Wall's coming out party! He now has a guaranteed World Title shot coming up on March 30th at OAOAST AngleMania VII! COACH It is going to be the greatest World Title match of all-time! Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick! That's a Dream Match if I ever saw one! COLE The Title stays in the Corporation either way. COACH I know! Isn't that awesome!? Garbage is thrown in Popick's direction. But Stephen Joseph is still all smiles as he steps aside to let the other Corporation members enter the ring first. *Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) No chance...(Yeah)* COLE But let's not forget that Stephen Joseph Popick had a huge night at Anglepalooza, becoming the Undisputed OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion by defeating both "After Hours" Felix Strutter AND Colombian Heat to unify the OAOAST International and World Heavyweight Titles! COACH That was HUGE! It was bigger than when the New York Jets won Super Bowl III! Bigger than when Barry Bonds hit #756! Bigger than all of that! Even YOU couldn't believe it! Stephen Joseph Popick is the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, and Cuban Wall is the winner of the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match! Stephen Joseph Popick climbs up the ring steps. Lindsay holds the ropes for Popick to enter into the ring. Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and smiles evilly to a resounding chorus of boos from the thousands in attendance. Popick taunts the fans and laughs maniacally. Spotlights shine on the SJPC members. They all stand in the center of the ring. Together, all nine members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation do The Corporate Salute to LOUD boos! Afterwards, the lights go back on in the arena. Popick shakes Cuban Wall's left hand, congratulating him for winning the Lethal Rumble Match. COLE It was indeed a historic night for the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. In front of his hometown fans, Stephen Joseph Popick became the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread Champion, and Cuban Wall outlasted 29 other men to win the Lethal Rumble and earn a Title shot at AngleMania VII! COACH And don't forget, Wall collects the $1 million! COLE That's right. Cuban Wall eliminated Tha Puerto Rican, so Cuban Wall collects the $1 million bounty on him! COACH It's good to see that Vitamin X's money is going to his partner in Brains & Brawn! COLE Somehow, I doubt even THAT is enough to comfort X! Cuban Wall, Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Princess Stacey, The Bone Thug, Thomas Rodriguez, Spanish Fly, and Mr. Boricua all stand in the ring, taunting the fans, gloating over their accomplishments, and mugging for the camera all the while "No Chance In Hell" continues playing over the P.A. system. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lift Stephen Joseph Popick onto their shoulders while the rest of the SJPC applauds Popick. This further irritates the crowd. COACH Look at this! Look at this! HA! HA! HA! COLE (disgusted) And look at this. Oh great. Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head while on Wall and Boricua's shoulders. COACH They might pour Gatorade right over his head in a couple of minutes! COLE Tha Puerto Rican was screwed AGAIN out of a victory by Stephen Joseph Popick and his Corporation! COACH Hey now! Listen! Listen! Stephen Joseph Popick told everybody! It shouldn't have been a shock! He said that there was 'NO CHANCE IN HELL' of PRL winning the Lethal Rumble Match, and he was RIGHT! Wall and Boricua put Popick back on his feet on the mat. Vitamin X hands Popick a microphone. Popick grabs the mic and says, "Thank you." to X while nodding his head. VX pounds his chest with his right fist as a sign of respect for his boss. COACH Time for the CHAMP to talk! COLE Guess this'll be a victory speech of some kind? COACH I can't wait! Popick is a master with words! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Stephen Joseph Popick brings the microphone to his lips, a huge wide smile on his face. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members all stand in awe of their leader, who has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK I'M GOING TO ANGLEMANIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK I came, I saw, I BECAME UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" POPICK I thought that the night that I won the World Heavyweight Title for the second time was the greatest night of my life. I thought that the night that I married my lovely wife was the greatest night of my life. But oh no. I was wrong. Last Sunday night at Anglepalooza, was without a doubt, THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH YEAH-UH~! HA! HA! HA! POPICK In front of my hometown fans, my family, my friends, I defeated TWO men, not one, BUT TWO MEN, to make history and become the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World! And DAMN, did it feel good to do it! To unify the belts! To beat the HELL out of "After Hours" Felix Strutter and Colombian HACK! Oh yes, beating Heat was perhaps better than becoming Undisputed Champion! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The crowd boos lustfully. COACH Yes! Revel in it, Mr. Popick! POPICK (CONT’D) But Colombian Heat wasn't the only enemy of mine to get DEMOLISHED by the SJPC last Sunday night! No, the other half of the so-called 'Badd Boyz' got a CORPORATE ass-kicking last Sunday night at Anglepalooza too! And he got it courtesy of YOUR 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, the 6'7" 285 pound CORPORATE Muscle, CUBAN WALL! The camera focuses on Cuban Wall. The crowd boos loudly. The other Corporation members applaud Wall. Cuban Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he adjusts his sunglasses. Popick looks on, smiling like a proud papa. COACH Yes! COLE Coach, I still cannot believe it! PRL had it. He had the match won! COACH He choked again! He can’t do it! He can't beat the Corporation no matter how hard he tries! COLE He came within one man of doing so last Sunday! COACH And he failed. Time to move on! Just shut up and clap! POPICK Now, Cuban Wall, you did indeed eliminate Tha Puerto Rican. You made sure that that eyebrow raising egomaniac, you made sure that that overrated catchphrase stealing choke artist primadonna, you made sure that both of his feet touched the floor! And Wall, I have never been more prouder to have you in the Corporation then I am right now! Congratulations my good man! CUBAN WALL Thank you, Boss. It was an honor to eliminate PRL for you! POPICK And just to let you all know, I DID infact give Cuban Wall $1 million IN CASH straight from Vitamin X's bank account last Sunday right after Anglepalooza ended! Don't ever let anybody tell you that Stephen Joseph Popick ain't a man of his word! Vitamin X looks less than pleased knowing that he lost $1 million of his money to his tag team partner. Cuban Wall nods his head and smiles. He says, "It's true! It's true! He did give me the money!" COLE Cuban Wall collected the $1 million bounty on the head of Tha Puerto Rican. He's got that dirty money now! COACH He's now $1 million richer in addition to being the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! COLE Things are going Cuban Wall's way now, aren't they? COACH And they'll continue to be go his way all the way until AngleMania! POPICK And Wall, I look forward to facing you for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th! Popick shakes Wall's right hand. Cuban Wall and Stephen Joseph smile at each other, evilly. POPICK May the best man win! CUBAN WALL Same to you, Boss! Same to you! POPICK Good. Now last Sunday night was the CORPORATE Anglepalooza. And now next month, we will see the CORPORATE AngleMania! Two of the greatest Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread colliding for the richest prize in our sport in front of over 100,000 fans in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California! The way it should be! The way it WILL be thanks to what happened at Anglepalooza! "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" COACH Look at this. Listen to these people! COLE These fans letting Popick know just how they feel about him! The truth hurts, Coach! COACH Tell them to shut up, Mikey! The SJPC members all glare angrily at the fans. But Popick just smiles. POPICK Not even that chant could bring me down! I am on cloud nine! My career has never been better! OAOAST UNDISPUTED World Heavyweight Champion, married to the HOTTEST, the SEXIEST woman in the whole entire world, in addition to being the GREATEST female athlete of all-time, the OAOAST Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-POPICK! AND, AND the greatest group of friends a guy could ever have! This ain't no Lightning Crew. THIS is a CORPORATION! MY CORPORATION! THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK CORPORATION! And they are all, as well as all of you, in MY world, PLANET POPICK! The crowd boos loudly. Popick chuckles evilly. The crowd continues chanting, "ASS-HOLE!" COLE I think Popick's head has gotten too big. COACH No it hasn't! POPICK Now, PRL. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Popick sneers at this. COLE The man who should be the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title right about now! COACH Hell no! POPICK PRL, I told you. I told you so. I told you that there was NO CHANCE IN HELL of you winning the Lethal Rumble! Popick smiles. The crowd boos loudly. COACH I love to hear him say that! HA! HA! That is so great! Say it again! POPICK (CONTINUED) And quite frankly, PRL, as far as I am concerned, you will NEVER EVER AGAIN step into the ring with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Because you know what, P.R.? You've simply run out of chances, 'buddy'! COACH Good! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK And you know, P.R., even though you lost the Lethal Rumble Match and lost the chance to compete for the World Heavyweight Title at OAOAST AngleMania VII, you still have SO much to look forward to...oh wait. I guess not! Your future has gone down the drain courtesy of MY husband, the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK! COACH You tell him, Linds! Lindsay kisses Popick on the lips. He mouths, "I love you!" Lindsay mouths, "I love you!" The crowd boos loudly. "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH NO! COLE Well, look who finally decided to show up! "Know Your Role 2000" blares over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to its collective feet! The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation turns their heads to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and THA PUERTO RICAN steps right onto the entrance stage, to a loud eruption from the crowd. COLE The People's Champion is out here! COACH What's he doing!? He's ruining the moment! COLE He's looking for some justice after what went down at Anglepalooza! COACH He has a hard time letting go of the past, doesn't he? PRL, wearing sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned red dress shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, stares at the Corporation who is in the ring ready to fight. P.R. has a microphone in his right hand and a serious expression on his face. COLE Tha Puerto Rican entered at #1 in the Lethal Rumble Match, and came within one man shy of surviving all the way until the very end and going on to AngleMania VII! COACH But he didn't. He choked! The AngleMania VII main event is Popick vs. Cuban Wall! Why can't he just accept that? COLE Because he knows he didn't get eliminated fairly! COACH It's the LETHAL RUMBLE! ANYTHING GOES! COLE But STILL! It's the principle of the thing! COACH You'll go out of your way to defend your guys, you know that? PRL stands staring at his former comrades. He puts the microphone to his lips so "Know Your Role 2000" dies down. COLE I wonder what he has to say! COACH Probably some more bitching. That's what he always does! "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" THA PUERTO RICAN Now, before I start, I have one thing to say...congratulations. The crowd boos. The Corporation is confused. COLE Huh? COACH Pardon? Popick has no idea where PRL is going with this. PRL Congratulations, Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. No, Stephen Joseph Popick, not for becoming the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion. No, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, not for being the biggest tramp walking Cleveland, Ohio. Lindsay sneers at PRL for this remark. The crowd cheers. COACH Hey! PRL And no, Cuban Wall, not for going on to AngleMania VII. Congratulations to all nine of you for being the single biggest group of ASSHOLES standing in a professional wrestling ring all at the same time! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH HEY! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members sneer and make ANGRY faces at Tha Puerto Rican! COLE He speaks for all of us. COACH Pipe down, you! PRL Now Tha Puerto Rican isn't going to whine. He's not going to bitch. He's not going to moan. He's not going to complain about Cuban Wall throwing him over the top rope and winning the Lethal Rumble. That's what the OLD Puerto Rican would have done. But I'm a new man. There's a NEW PRL in town! And the NEW PRL says that, come hell or high water, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he WILL go to OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th and that he WILL become the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd cheers loudly! Popick puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gasp for air, mocking Tha Puerto Rican for "choking" in World Title matches. COLE He has the support of the people! COACH Doesn't matter. He can't do it. POPICK Um, excuse me, Puerto. But this is an A/B conversation, so why don’t you C your way out of it? COACH Good one, Popick! The crowd boos loudly. Popick grins evilly, pleased at his witty remark. POPICK Heh, P.R., in case you don't know, which you probably don't, but this is a celebration we are having for my Corporation's incredible night at Anglepalooza! We already got the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and the #1 Contender in the ring. We don't need to have the ALSO-RAN involved in this celebration! COACH Yeah! He's an also-ran! You tell him, Popick! "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" COACH These idiots again! Popick chuckles. POPICK Look, Tha Puerto Rican is out here for your entertainment, don't talk to him like that! COACH HA! HA! COLE (disgusted) Oh please. Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Popick. Popick chuckles again, so do the SJPC members. POPICK Tell you what, Ed, since you had your chance and blew it...AGAIN...you're going to go back to the very, VERY bottom of the ladder! And perhaps tonight, in...this...very...ring, you'll do me the honor of taking on one of The Meanest Baddest Hombres in El Mundo..."The Wild Chicano"...LOS CONQUISTADOR UNO! COACH Whoa! COLE Oh come on! COACH That's going to be a huge, HUGE challenge for Tha Puerto Rican! COLE STEPHEN JOSEPH P.R., do you understand that? You go one-on-one with Los Conquistador Uno tonight in...this...very...ring. AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, RUTH! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! The crowd boos. COACH Damn right! COLE Popick trying to keep Tha Puerto Rican as far away from the Title picture as possible! COACH And he's doing a good job at it thus far! VITAMIN X And P.R.L., the only chance you have of going to AngleMania VII...well, actually, there's absolutely NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU WILL EVER GO TO ANGLEMANIA VII! SO DEAL WITH THAT, PEOPLE'S CHUMP! Cuban Wall laughs evilly while Vitamin X gives PRL the McMahon SNEER~! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing over the P.A. system again causing the crowd to boo. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation stare at PRL with evil intentions. PRL stares back. COLE Well, PRL will be in action here tonight, but not against someone he actually wants to fight! PRL set to go one-on-one against...Los Conquistador Uno. COACH Oh boy! I can't wait! That's sure to be a classic! It'll be a tough match for Tha Puerto Rican to win! Los Conquistador Uno is quite the OAOAST Superstar! He is going to give PRL quite the fight! You think PRL is up for the challenge? COLE ... We're taken to a backstage area, which looks more like an upscale massage parlor then the lockeroom of a professional wrestling show. There are Japanese inspired screens reaching up to the ceiling and standing in front of beautiful banzai plants. Candles and incense burn in the distance, providing the room with delicate illumination of softest beauty. At the center of this wondrous setting lies a naked Theodore Moneymaker (well, he has a towel around his tush) atop a massage table, having every inch of his body worked on by four three gorgeous women. Sitting across from the smirking tycoon, is Maggie Nerdly, clad in black and white leg warmers, a ruffled black skirt, and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. MONEYMAKER Reiki energy healing? Acupuncture? Full body massage and detox? A chocolate souflee... MAGGIE When ya got twenty sisters, at least seven of them have to know the holistic arts and remedial culinary design, right? MONEYMAKER Maggie, a treatment fit for a king among paupers, given to a god amongst sinners. I thank you. MAGGIE No big deal, don't mention it. Oh, hey, thanks for getting my name right. MONEYMAKER It helps when you wear that Hello My Name Is Maggie sticker, and matching belt that has your name scrolling across. And hat that also says Call me Maggie not Molly or Melody. Now, besides the obvious, of bathing in billion dollar vriches and showering in unmatched power, what have I done to deserve such devotion? MAGGIE You're going to give me some good news, gramps! MONEYMAKER Keep me out of the gramps territory, I'm only six years older then you. Check the stats pages if you're of any disbelief. MAGGIE The same ones that have said Zack Malibu has been twenty six for the past three years? MONEYMAKER Point noted, and discarded. I can guess what this big news revolves around. You want out of the oppressive misery that comes with being but one of many, many interchangeable Nerdly girls. MAGGIE That's right. MONEYMAKER And that can only come from me telling you that you're Krista's wayward kid. I do that and shackles are off your ankles, weights lifted off your shoulders, hooray, huzzah, you have a life worth living, you are a celebrity's kid. MAGGIE Bingo, man. You catch on quick. So? MONEYMAKER Its a shame its not that easy, because I'd truly love to make a beautiful young woman's day. You're a perfect match for all the right qualities, you're naturally blond, you're pretty, you seem to be of some intellect. There's just one slight nagging little issue. MAGGIE So, what's that? MONEYMAKER So are the twenty other girls on the Nerdly family tree. Actually, I'd go as far as to say Melody, has a better chance of being Krista's kid then you. Your problem, Margaret, if I may be so formal, is that there's a distinct lack of drive in your heart. You have no inclination for fame, fortune, or achievement. You don't want to feel that you're better then anyone else. You're just content with being plain Jane Maggie Nerdly, the Nerdly sister who does the interviewers. MAGGIE That's not true! MONEYMAKER I think it is. Painfully so. At eighteen what was Krista doing? Dancing on tour with Guns N Roses, formulating the ideas and strategies that would shape her fitness empire and set her up for decades. At eighteen what are you doing? Holding the microphone and letting someone else have their moment in the sun? Your would be mother is in the spotlight everyday of her life. You, Maggie, you are the spotlight. No one pays any attention to you, just to what your hovering around. You let Leon into the foreground, you let MARV and MEL into the foreground, same for Baron, Jock, Melody, Jade and everyone else in your circle of friends. You're a background prop. You revolve around them. If you were Krista's kid, they'd revolve around you. You wouldn't even be able to imagine any other way, it would just be natural that you are the center of the universe. You're entire personality would be sculpted out of the knowledge that you're better then everyone you meet. Maybe you could be Krista's kid, you have the looks for the job, however there's still work to be done if you want to emulate what makes Krista Krista. But, there could be a happy ending to your tale....that is if you give me the happy ending! BWAHAHHAHA! MAGGIE What? Shut the hell up, man! You're crazy! Maggie stands up and rushes out the room with a sharp look of disgust and rage twisting her face. The women resume their tender massage of the billion dollar heir, who doesn't seem overly concerned with Maggie's anger. MONEYMAKER Its great to be a Moneymaker! BWAHAHHAHA! Commercials

ewc's other skit perhaps??? "Makes Me Wonder" cues up and D*LUX emerge onstage to the roar of the crowd. Jade Rodez poses with her team, rubbing the 6-man tag titles around their waists for good luck, then points them to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is your TV main event, a 2008 Anderson Cup semi-final bout scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by their manager, Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of 379 pounds, ranked fourth in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, two-thirds of the reigning Six-Man Tag Team Champions of the World, Love Generation... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER and "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jogging down the aisle, Shayne and Tyler do everything but kiss babies, hugging and high-fiving many of their fans. COLE You could say this is somewhat of a grudge match coming up as D*LUX look to make Theodore Moneymaker pay for the pain he's caused... COACH Their mother. COLE Now we don't know that for a fact. In case you weren't with us last week, Theodore Moneymaker dropped a bombshell, revealing Krista Isadora Duncan has... COACH A bastard child roaming the streets! Possibly the mean streets because his or her mother was selfish. For shame Krista. For shame! COLE That's your opinion and you're certainly entitled to it. But every OAOAST Superstar is on high alert wondering if they're Krista's lost child. Earlier tonight we saw Doctor Pigley and EMT Cash state a very weak case as to why they're the kid, and eventually D*Lux came out to get a piece of this man right here.... Clean shirt New shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit Black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man. BUFFER Their opponents, led down the aisle by their Chief Financial Officer and Director of Security, the top ranked team in the MWC Conference and reigning Anderson Cup champions... CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" One look at the Enterprise and you'd think they came dressed for a fashion show not to wrestle. Theodore Moneymaker radiates confidence smoking a cigar -- yes, a CIGAR -- as he and Christian Wright discuss last minute strategy. COLE Theodore Moneymaker very fortunate to be enjoying the finer things in life after Krista nearly ended his at Anglepalooza. COACH And I couldn't believe you were cheering her on. She was trying to inflict bodily harm on the Billion Dollar Heir and not once did you damn her. Had the shoe been on the other foot you'd be crying bloody murder. COLE Given the circumstances I understand Krista's rage. COACH You women always stick together. The jackets come off and Teddy hands the cigar over to Mackenzie, who decides to keep it for herself. CW and Tyler exit, leaving Theodore Moneymaker and Shayne Brave to start for their respective teams. * DINGDINGDING * Showtime grabs a side headlock out of a collar and elbow tie-up, but Teddy shoots him off and gets leveled on the rebound by a shoulder tackle. Moneymaker pops up and walks into a side headlock takeover. He returns to a vertical base and overpowers Brave with a top wristlock. Bridging up on his neck to keep his shoulders from touching the mat, Shayne's legs are swiped out from under... ONE! ...but he KIPS UP and wrings Theodore's arm, flipping the Billion Dollar Heir onto his back! "YEAH!" Brave drops the leg across the arm and bars it, only to have Moneymaker RAKE THE EYES. Theodore cocks his fist and unloads on the teen heartthrob. Rocking and reeling, Shayne's fired across, but he ducks a clothesline and drops down after Teddy does so, placing him in another headlock! :lol: COLE Showtime one step ahead right there. And it's the fans laughing at Theodore Moneymaker now. The Billion Dollar Heir getting a taste of his own medicine. Shayne brings Theodore up as Christian enters and traps him in a HEADSCISSORS. COACH He's got both of them, Cole! What's he gonna do here? Snap them both over to the canvas, that's what! And out to the floor go Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright following a pair of STEREO DROPKICKS from D*LUX! "YEAH!" COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we've got to take a break. But the cameras are rolling. Should the match end during the break we'll show you what happened after this brief timeout. * COMMERICAL * Cole welcomes us back as Christian Wright delivers a BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX on Tremendous Tyler Bryant. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Wright rams Bryant into the knee of Theodore Moneymaker and a tag is made. After punishing his Tyler with a combination of right hands and chops, the Billon Dollar Heir sends him in for the ride...but the Tremendous One ducks a back elbow and flattens Moneymaker with a PHANTOM NECKBREAKER! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! Tyler moves and CW drops an elbow on Teddy! "YEAH!" Tyler drapes Christian over his shoulders as Shayne charges in and snaps him over with a neck breaker that‘ll ROCK YOUR BODY! TYLER YEAH-UH! "D*LUX!" "D*LUX!" "D*LUX!" COACH Are they chanting D*LUX or this sucks? Because the amount of illegal double-teaming this referee is allowing to go on definitely sucks. The guys whip Moneymaker and Wright into the same corner and MONKEY FLIP them out. SHINING ENZIGURI finds its mark and Tyler covers Theodore! ONE... TWO... SAVE BY CW. D*LUX tag and Shayne decks Teddy with a running leg lariat, then signals for the bulldog, but Moneymaker counters with an ATOMIC DROP! COLE The Enterprise needed that as you could sense the match was starting to slip away from them. A fresh CW is tagged in and he proves it with a FROG SPLASH! Mackie screams at the timekeeper to ring the bell because it's over she says. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! SAVE BY TYLER! Wright hammers Shayne with a series of European uppercuts, and then whips him to the ropes...but Showtime answers with a SUNSET FLIP! COLE Oh, look at this. He may have him! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Though he didn't score the pin Shayne got the opening he needed to tag out, and Tyler smacks CW with a YAKUZA KICK! ONE... TWO... SAVE BY THEODORE! Bryant with the Irish whip, but Wright reverses and Moneymaker drives the knee into the spine of Tyler's back! "BOO!" The tag is made and both Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker put the boots to Tyler. CW exits as Teddy delivers a back elbow and drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Tyler's snapped over and placed in a chinlock. COACH I heard Tyler say I quit, Cole. COLE He did not! "TYLER!" "TYLER!" "TYLER!" The support of the fans and words of encouragement from Jade and Shayne get the adrenaline flowing, bringing Tyler to his feet. Back elbow after back elbow loosens Teddy's grip enough for Tyler to burst out of the hold and off the ropes, but he runs into a knee to the gut on the rebound! COACH Look at that showboat. Instead of making the tag he wanted to put on a show and got what he deserved. * TAG * CW chops the hell out of Tyler in the Enterprise corner, but he fights back, nailing both men. He crawls through Wright's legs and makes the tag! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Theodore Moneymaker gets popped and whipped, and then back dropped. Shayne continues to be a one man gang, slamming Wright and Moneymaker in succession. An impromptu meeting of the minds has them on Dream Street as Tyler returns to the fold. D*LUX whips Teddy in for a DOUBLE DROPKICK! "YEAH!" Wandering around CW walks into a DOUBLE SUPERKICK! COLE Hit Me Baby One More Time! Oh yeah! COACH Hey, you're supposed to be objective. COLE The hell with that. You never are anyway. Outside, Mackie and CPA help Theodore up. MACKENZIE Mackie flees as Tyler flings himself over the top rope and wipes out CPA and Moneymaker with a PESCADO! "YEAH!" Shayne covers CW inside. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO, KICKOUT! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" D*LUX go for the big one, As Seen on 60 Minutes...but Mackie decides to cause trouble by hopping on the apron. COLE Get her down from there. What the ref won't do Jade Rodez will. She yanks Mackie to the floor and has a PUFF OF SMOKE BLOWN IN HER FACE! JADE The look on Jade's face says it all. Without hesitation she SLAPS Mackie! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Meanwhile, Theodore Moneymaker CROTCHES Showtime Shayne on the turnbuckle! "BOO!" Back on the arena floor with CPA, Theodore points to his point, laughing as only he can. Out of the corner of his eye he spots Tyler diving through the ropes and moves, allowing CPA to catch the Tremendous One in midair for a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! COACH He set him up good, Cole. Even you gotta admit that. Wright climbs onto the middle rope and rolls forward with Shayne over his shoulders, spiking him into the mat! COLE A super Bank Roll. Oh, my! And the Enterprise is headed to the MWC Conference Finals. ONE... TWO... THREE! NO! KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" WRIGHT/MONEYMAKER COACH He did what?! COLE He kicked out! CW knees Shayne in the head and sets him up for the Stockmarket Crash, but Showtime rolls through with a SMALL PACKAGE! COACH No way. ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! Moneymaker gets caught entering with a SUPERKICK, and then Shayne whips Wright into the ropes for a backdrop...but CW puts on the brakes and delivers the STOCKMARKET CRASH!!! ONE... TWO... THREE! COLE And that's all she wrote. What a match this turned out to be. * DINGDINGDING * Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price BUFFER Here are your winners, advancing to the MWC Conference Finals... THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holding her cheek Mackie points at CW and Teddy in triumph. The #1 seed in the MWC Conference happy to escape with the "W". COLE Much like the presidential campaigns, the 2008 Anderson Cup field has dwindled to a lucky few. Earlier tonight it was the Christ Air Express advancing to the Los Infernales Conference Finals and just a few short minutes ago it was Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright earning a trip back to the MWC Conference Finals, becoming the first team ever to do so in their quest to repeat as Anderson Cup champions. So be sure to tune in next week as we find out who both teams opponents will be. 2008 ANDERSON CUP MWC: Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew vs. Sooner Bruisers LI: The Heavenly Rockers vs. Team Heyross COLE For Jonathan Coachman, I'm Michael Cole saying goodnight. FADE OUT

*Give me fuel Give me fire Give me that which I desire!* “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing over the P.A. system. After a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston steps out onto the entrance stage. The crowd cheers. Brickston acknowledges the pop by raising his hands in the air. He then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Sacramento, California. Standing 6-foot-6, and weighing in at 215 lbs. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Italian Champion. He is JOHN “ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD” BRICKSSSTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston making his return to HeldDOWN~! after a nearly two year absence! And he is about to step into the ring with a former ally of his in Mr. Boricua! COACH Brickston wanted to make a comeback at Anglepalooza by winning the Lethal Rumble, but the Corporation cut that short! HA! HA! COLE Brickston was eliminated by all five members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation that were in the Lethal Rumble Match! And he was not too pleased about that! He had to be dragged away from the ring! COACH He is such a sore loser! There’s always next year, Johnny! COLE Well, John Brickston doesn’t have to wait until next year to get some revenge as he takes on Mr. Boricua of the SJPC right now here on HeldDOWN~! Brickston climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. He lets out a mighty roar to a pop from the crowd. “Rock Hard” raises his fists into the air to cheers. He then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his fists into the air again to another pop from the fans. He points at the fans and says something to them. COLE John Brickston has had quite the history with the SJPC. A former member, brought in as PRL’s protégé. He turned on PRL back on April 1, 2004 on HeldDOWN~! and then went into exile, returning on April 14, 2005 on HeldDOWN~! to defeat Stephen Joseph Popick to win the OAOAST Italian Championship, the only title he has held in his OAOAST career thus far. Brickston wound up losing the Italian Championship to Tha Puerto Rican at The Great Angle Bash on June 26, 2005 and has had several battles with The Lightning Crew/Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation since that time! COACH He is no stranger to these guys, which is why this match should be a great one! Let’s go Boricua! John Brickston gets off of the second turnbuckle and then calls for a microphone. COLE Brickston wants to speak! COACH God help us all. John “Rock Hard” Brickston grabs a microphone from a ringside attendant. He paces back and forth inside the ring with the mic in his right hand. COACH Cover your ears, Cole! COLE Stop. “Fuel” by Metallica dies down. Brickston brings the microphone to his lips. JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON Now, last Sunday night at Anglepalooza, I got SCREWED out of the Title shot that I DESERVE! COLE He’s not the only one. BRICKSTON I ain’t too happy that I got tossed out by the five guys that I hate the most in this world! But I am not one for complaining…I am one for fighting! So, I am going to take out my frustration, my aggression on the biggest member of The Lightning Crew or Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation or whatever the hell you guys call yourselves now! So Mr. Boricua, you big dumb bastard-- COACH Hey! BRICKSTON You are going to get the ass-kicking of a lifetime! You’re going to fight me face-to-face, man-to-man! And it is I, not YOU, that is going to come out victorious! Because in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, size DOESN’T matter! The crowd cheers. COACH He’s just talking out of his ass isn’t he? BRICKSTON So, Mr. Boricua, clench those fists, because it’s Fists Of Fury Time! John “Rock Hard” Brickston hands the microphone back to the ringside attendant. The crowd cheers. Brickston stares at the entrance. COLE Brickston is ready to fight! COACH And he’s stopped speaking! Yea! COLE Oh will you stop!? "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The lights go down in the arena as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” starts playing. Smoke fills the entrance stage. Then, the cresendo hits, and a huge burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. The crowd boos as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah!) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* A Mexican flag is shown on the AngleTron waving proudly. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua steps out onto the entrance stage, the crowd booing loudly. Mr. Boricua looks at the crowd with a sneer etched on his face. He raises his hands into the air and yells out loud drawing more jeers. Boricua points a menacing finger at John Brickston, grunts, snorts, yells, and then cracks his knuckles. Mr. Boricua then walks down the entrance ramp, grunting and snorting along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 6-foot-9 and weighing in at 300 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. He is Stephen Joseph Popick’s personal bodyguard. MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BORICUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mr. Boricua yells at some fans at ringside, causing them to piss their pants in fear. COLE The man who has been with The Lightning Crew/SJPC the longest, Mr. Boricua is set to go into battle against a former LC member in John “Rock Hard” Brickston! COACH Come on Boricua, make John Brickston your bitch! COLE Coach! Language! COACH Ooh…sorry. “No Chance In Hell” continues playing as Mr. Boricua yells at John Brickston…and then rushes forward, climbing over the top ring rope and into the ring. John “Rock Hard” Brickston meets Boricua with right hands! Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON vs. MR. BORICUA Brickston quickly pounces on Mr. Boricua, staggering the big man. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE And here we go! John Brickston getting the match started earlier than Mr. Boricua anticipated! It may not be a pretty scientific affair with these two guys, with their temperments! Brickston gives Mr. Boricua an Irish whip into the ropes--Mr. Boricua reverses--John Brickston bounces off of the ropes, Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, John Brickston ducks, bounces off of the opposite ropes, and fires with a shoulderblock that barely affects the Corporate Bodyguard! COLE John Brickston with a shoulderblock that shows no real effect on Boricua! John Brickston kicks Boricua in the gut, and then nails him in the face with left hands! However, Mr. Boricua simply knees Brickston in the gut, and then hits him with the CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. COLE And just like that, Mr. Boricua is back on offense! COACH Yeah! Boricua hammers on Brickston some more. He then whips John into a turnbuckle corner. Boricua heads to the opposite turnbuckle corner and starts jumping up and down in place. Mr. Boricua yells, and then charges forward, squashing John “Rock Hard” Brickston with an Avalanche! COLE And oh my! Mr. Boricua with an Avalanche on the smaller John Brickston! COACH Mr. Boricua is making the Corporation mighty proud right now, I bet! Mr. Boricua yells at the crowd. He snorts, cracks his knuckles, and then grabs John Brickston by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Boricua starts jumping up and down in place. Mr. Boricua yells, and then charges forward, squashing John “Rock Hard” Brickston with another Avalanche--NO! Brickston moves out of the way, and Mr. Boricua hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD! COACH Oh no! COLE Nobody home for Mr. Boricua on that one! Mr. Boricua stumbles forward, so John Brickston kicks him in his left leg! He then kicks him in the left leg again! “Rock Hard” whips Mr. Boricua into the opposite turnbuckle corner. Mr. Boricua hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD and staggers out, so John Brickston charges forward with a clothesline that ALMOST knocks the Corporate Giant down! COLE Brickston came close to bringing the big man off of his feet! COACH He didn’t even come close, Michael! Brickston shoves Mr. Boricua back into the turnbuckle. He kicks Boricua in the gut several times. Mr. Boricua fires back with rights to Brickston’s skull! He keeps punching Brickston, getting him good and dazed. The punches take Brickston to the opposite turnbuckle corner, where Mr. B proceeds to slam John Brickston’s head into the top turnbuckle pad! Boricua then grabs Brickston and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle again. He doesn’t waste any time charging forward and crashing into “Rock Hard” with another Avalanche! COACH He got him again! He got him again! COLE Mr. Boricua learning from his mistake earlier and striking big with that Avalanche! COACH See, Mr. Boricua ain’t as dumb as you think he is! COLE Hey, I never said that Mr. Boricua was dumb…to his face. Mr. Boricua takes a few steps back…and then charges forward with a clothesline in the turnbuckle corner! COLE Mr. Boricua usi-using his-his mass advantage, his size advantage here on Brickston! Boricua grabs Brickston and whips him into the ropes. Spinebuster! COLE Spinebuster by the Corporate Giant! Mr. Boricua goes for the cover. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!!! COLE That wasn’t enough to end the match! COACH Damn! Mr. Boricua screams! He snorts, growls, and then picks John Brickston up by his left hand. He punches him, taking him to a turnbuckle corner, and then whips him into the opposite corner. Mr. Boricua charges forward…John Brickston moves out of the way…and Mr. Boricua crashes into the turnbuckles! John Brickston comes off of the ropes with a lariat that brings Mr. Boricua down onto the mat! COLE LARIAT-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COACH … COLE What? I’ve always wanted to say that! John “Rock Hard” Brickston goes for the cover, hooking Boricua’s left leg. Mike Chioda counts. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON DAMNIT! John Brickston goes to attack--Mr. Boricua chokes John Brickston with his bare hands! COACH Yeah! Get him, Boricua! Get him! Mr. Boricua yells and screams as he gets up, choking John Brickston! The crowd gets on Mr. Boricua’s case, booing him loudly! COLE Mr. Boricua has John “Rock Hard” Brickston right where he wants him! COACH HA! HA! Yeah! Time for the death blow! Mr. Boricua chokes John “Rock Hard” Brickston around the ring. “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” COLE The Corporate Giant choking out John “Rock Hard” Brickston! Mr. Boricua chokes John “Rock Hard” Brickston in a turnbuckle corner! “COME ON NOW! BREAK IT UP! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mr. Boricua lets go at the count of 4. He yells at Mike Chioda. But Mike Chioda stands his ground, and reprimands Mr. Boricua for the choking. Mr. Boricua snorts and grunts at Mike Chioda, and then goes back to choking John Brickston with his bare hands! “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mr. Boricua yells at Mike Chioda again. He sneers, grunts, and screams at the OAOAST referee. COACH That ref should know better than to get Mr. Boricua angry! COLE Mike Chioda is taking a huge risk in telling Mr. Boricua NOT to do something! COACH You know that referee’s name? Mr. Boricua goes back to choking John Brickston--NO!--John Brickston punches Mr. Boricua in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! And again! John Brickston punches Mr. Boricua several times, taking him into the turnbuckle corner! COLE Brickston using his fighting skills to fire back on the 6’9” 300 pound Mr. Boricua! The crowd starts cheering loudly. Brickston punches Mr. Boricua in the head, getting the Corporate Bodyguard stunned. COACH Get your hands off of him! COLE He’s fighting fair and square, Coach! COACH So? He’s hurting Mr. Boricua! You know Mr. Boricua is not all there! LEAVE MR. BORICUA ALONE! John “Rock Hard” Brickston starts choking Mr. Boricua with his bare hands! COACH What do you call this!? What do you call this!? COLE Well…this is certainly not legal. COACH Not legal!? It’s CHEATING! Just say it! It’s cheating! COLE Okay! Okay! It’s cheating! COACH Yeah! Doesn’t really reflect kindly on your hero now does it? Brickston continues choking Mr. Boricua! “COME ON NOW! BREAK IT UP! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Brickston stops choking Mr. Boricua so that he can yell at Mike Chioda. COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston is clearly thinking about his elimination in the Lethal Rumble Match last Sunday! He is clearly thinking about getting thrown over the top rope by Mr. Boricua along with Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Cuban Wall, and The Bone Thug! COACH He should get over it! It was four days ago! Brickston chokes Mr. Boricua again! “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mike Chioda gets in between John Brickston and Mr. Boricua. He is able to hold them apart, yelling at both to stop with the choking. Mr. Boricua and John “Rock Hard” Brickston both respond by knocking out the referee at the same time! COLE Oh my! COACH Whoa! Look at this! COLE Oh man! John “Rock Hard” Brickston starts punching Mr. Boricua in the face in the turnbuckle corner! COACH Did you see that? John Brickston just cold-cocked the referee! COLE So did Mr. Boricua! COACH But John Brickston hit him more! His fists connected more! COLE Oh come on! Brickston dazes the big man in the turnbuckle corner, and then whips him into the opposite corner--Mr. Boricua reverses--Brickston hits the turnbuckle, and then Mr. Boricua fires with a clothesline! COLE They don’t give a damn about the rules! They just want to fight each other! COACH Good! Let them fight! Mr. Boricua grunts, yells and screams at the crowd. John “Rock Hard” Brickston struggles to get up. Referee Mike Chioda slides out of the ring, in pain. COLE The match still continues, I guess. COACH Let them at it! Let them at it! Mr. Boricua picks John Brickston up. He whips him into the ropes. *DING DING DING* (3:34) Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, John “Rock Hard” Brickston ducks, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, and nails Mr. Boricua with a leg lariat! COLE Mike Chioda has called for the bell! But these guys are still fighting! Brickston gets up and starts pummeling on Mr. Boricua! The pummeling takes Mr. Boricua into a turnbuckle corner! COACH Look at Brickston attack Mr. Boricua after the bell! Some hero he is! Mr. Boricua fires back with punches of his own! John Brickston fires with punches! A slugfest erupts between the two big men. Back and forth they go, trading punches in the ring! COLE The referee has called for the bell! But the fight continues inside of the ring! COACH Get ‘im, Boricua! Get ‘im! Knock him out! Knock his teeth out! Make him uglier than he already is! COLE Hey now, John “Rock Hard” Brickston ain’t such a bad looking guy. COACH … Brickston and Boricua continue slugging it out in the ring! COLE Brickston and Boricua are standing toe-to-toe! Who’s going to blink here? Mr. Boricua nails John Brickston with a headbutt as the bell rings again! “Rock Hard” stumbles around the ring following the headbutt. Mr. Boricua nails John Brickston with another headbutt! The bell rings some more! The crowd chants, “BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON!” Referees Nick Soapdish, Jimmy Korderas, and Mickey Jay come out to break up the fight between John Brickston and Mr. Boricua! COLE More officials are out here! COACH Awww! I want to see them fight! I was enjoying this! OAOAST Road Agents Terry Funk and “Macho Man” Randy Savage come out to try and break up the fight too, but are unsuccessful! OAOAST Road Agents Terry Taylor and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat come out too to break it up! COLE Referees, officials trying to stop the fight! But they can’t pull these guys apart! They’re just ripping and tearing at each other! Brickston and Mr. Boricua continue going at it! They both try to choke each other out! COACH This is wild! Brickston has snapped! Brickston shoves Nick Soapdish onto the mat and then goes back to choking Mr. Boricua! “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Funk and Terry Taylor pull Mr. Boricua away from John, but Brickston continues attacking him despite being held back by Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and Mickey Jay! Brickston’s face is red with RAGE~! COLE Brickston clearly hasn’t forgotten about the Lethal Rumble Match and is going after a member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! The biggest member of them all! COACH Keep him away from Boricua! Brickston is a mad man! A MAD MAN I TELL YA! KEEP HIM AWAY! Both men are separated by OAOAST Road Agents and referees. Terry Funk and Terry Taylor hold back Mr. Boricua, while Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Mickey Jay and Jimmy Korderas hold back John “Rock Hard” Brickston! Both men scream and yell at each other and demand to be let go! JOHN BRICKSTON LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! I’LL BREAK HIS NECK! I’LL CRUSH HIM! I’LL ABSOLUTELY DESTROY HIM! LET ME GO! GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME AT HIM! MR. BORICUA GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! “Macho Man” Randy Savage joins Terry Funk and Terry Taylor in holding back Mr. Boricua. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay and Jimmy Korderas hold back John “Rock Hard” Brickston. Both men are taken to separate turnbuckle corners. Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas try to calm Brickston down. COLE Referees and officials doing everything that they physically can to keep these two men apart! Mr. Boricua breaks free and goes after John “Rock Hard” Brickston! COACH Get ’im, Boricua! GET HIM! Mr. Boricua and John Brickston duke it out while the referees and officials swarm all over them! The crowd approves of this. COLE Back they go, beating the hell out of each other and this crowd loves it! COACH I know I am! COLE This fight between these two rages on! Mr. Boricua and Brickston choke each other. Referees and officials try in vain to break them apart! Jimmy Korderas, Mickey Jay and Nick Soapdish pull Brickston away from Boricua while Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Terry Taylor, and Terry Funk keep Mr. Boricua at bay. “Macho Man” Randy Savage joins in helping keep Mr. Boricua away from Brickston. Both men are taken to opposite turnbuckle corners. BRICKSTON LET ME GO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MR. BORICUA GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas continue holding John “Rock Hard” Brickston back. “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Taylor, Terry Funk and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat continue holding Mr. Boricua back. Both men issue threats to each other from opposite turnbuckle corners. Both of their faces are red with rage, with veins bulging out. Both men scream to be let go and let loose. The crowd cheers…but then starts booing loudly. Because Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X, holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder, are walking down the entrance ramp! COLE Now wait a minute? What’s this? COACH It’s the leader of the Corporation, you idiot! He’s coming to calm the beast down! Only Mr. Popick could do that! Only Stephen Joseph could calm down Mr. Boricua! Popick and VX both have worried looks on their faces. Popick has a microphone in his right hand. Brickston has finally managed to calm down. COACH They’ll get something done! COLE (sarcastic) Oh yeah. Stephen Joseph starts speaking. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK What in the hell? What the hell? What the hell is going on here!? What the hell are you two doing!? “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” POPICK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!? Brickston lunges after Popick, but is held back by Mickey Jay, Jimmy Korderas, and Nick Soapdish. POPICK You’re beating the hell out of each other, and for what? For what I ask!? Not for me! Come on now! COME ON! Brickston, Brickston listen to me. Just listen to me for a sec! COACH Huh? What is he doing? Brickston eyes Popick angrily. Popick climbs up the ring steps. Vitamin X holds the ropes, and Popick enters the ring. Almost instantly, John Brickston lunges after Popick, but is held back by the three referees and “Macho Man” Randy Savage! Popick is hesitant for a second, but continues speaking, after taking a big cartoonish gulp. POPICK Now…now Brickston…Brickston--BORICUA KNOCK IT OFF! Mr. Boricua yells. POPICK BORICUA! Boricua yells again. POPICK BORICUA!!! Mr. Boricua screams at Popick, then screams at John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and then screams at Popick again. He walks away, moping as he does so. Mr. Boricua growls at Vitamin X, which frightens The X-Man a little bit. Mr. Boricua stands alone in a turnbuckle corner. COACH There you go! See? COLE Okay then. So what’s Popick want with Brickston? COACH I don’t know! Shut up and listen, fool! John “Rock Hard” Brickston lunges after Popick again, but now all of the referees and OAOAST Road Agents hold him back! Stephen Joseph stands his ground, not moving an inch…though he does do another cartoonish gulp. “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Taylor, Terry Funk, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas hold John “Rock Hard” Brickston back. Brickston hears Stephen Joseph Popick speak while Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua stand in a turnbuckle corner. X still has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Now Brickston, I said before…I said before that you weren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer…but you are damn sure the most dangerous! I can use a man like you, Brickston! Yeah. COLE Keyword ’USE’, Brickston! COACH Hey, hey, hey! The crowd boos. Referees and OAOAST Road Agents continue holding John Brickston back. POPICK You and I, we are a lot alike, Johnny. Think about it. Think about it. We come from broken homes. Everything that we’ve gotten in life, we’ve had to claw, scratch, and bite our way to the top. NOBODY EVER GAVE US A DAMN THING! WE’RE A LOT ALIKE AND YOU KNOW IT! Brickston stands there listening. He seems to be thinking about what Popick is saying. COLE Come on Brickston. Don’t fall for it. COACH SHH! POPICK Now, now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you’ve gone down this path before. That you’ve dealt with these people once, and you don’t want to deal with them again. But see, here’s the thing. This is a completely different group. COMPLETELY! What you left was The Lightning Crew. This, THIS is the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! THIS is a completely different group based on MY morals, MY beliefs, MY teachings, not the perverted, demented, ego-centric views of Tha Puerto Rican! And let me ask you this: where have you been? What have you done that’s been worth noting? What have you accomplished since you quit The Lightning Crew? Oh sure, you have an OAOAST Italian Championship reign to your credit, hell, you even beat me for the belt. But that was in April of 2005! And your first and ONLY title reign ended in June of 2005! What have you done since then? That’s right: NOTHING! Not a damn thing. Not a damn thing at all! COACH He’s right you know. COLE (mockingly) He’s right you know. COACH Shut up. What Popick is saying seems to be getting to Brickston. POPICK You’ve wasted away the last three years of your life. And what do you have to show for it? The love of these fans? Heh. Johnny, YOU THINK THESE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU!? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” POPICK (CONT’D) THEY DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU! They forgot all about you as soon as you lost the Italian Championship! As soon as you didn’t have a belt, you didn’t matter to these people! Brickston seems hurt by this. The OAOAST Road Agents and referees have stepped away from John as he seems to have calmed down. The crowd cheers, trying to let Brickston know that they DO care about him. COACH It’s true! He became forgotten after he lost the belt to Tha Puerto Rican! COLE I don’t think so. COACH How many pay-per-views has he been on since The Great Angle Bash 2005? COLE Uh… COACH Exactly. Brickston looks at the fans. He seems torn on what to do. Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua and the OAOAST referees and Road Agents stand on guard in case Brickston snaps. Popick continues speaking. POPICK But I care! Because I understand you! Because I can give you the one thing that I never had growing up and that YOU never had growing up either! And you know what that is? That’s FAMILY. That’s FAMILY! Families stick together. When you were in The Lightning Crew, PRL treated you like a bunch of lackeys. But in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, I treat each and every one of you with RESPECT! I treat each and every one of you like FAMILY! Think about it. Vitamin X nods his head in agreement with Popick. Mr. Boricua just stares at Brickston. “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” POPICK Don’t listen to these fair-weather fans! Think about it. Think about it! We’ve got…a Corporate Bodyguard. A Corporate Muscle. A Corporate Financial Consultant. A Corporate Referee. A Corporate Princess. A Corporate Prince. A Corporate Queen. And every Corporation needs a dangerous man! So what about it, John? Just think about it. Why not come back home? Why not come back to where you belong? Here, with us, in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation? John “Rock Hard” Brickston thinks about this for a second. Popick, X, and Mr. Boricua just stare at him. The crowd buzzes in anticipation, wondering what John is going to do. COLE Come on John. Think about it. COACH Yeah, think about it! Look at where you’ve been, and look at where you can go if you just come back home? John Brickston puts his hands on his head and thinks things over. Popick waits for his answer. COACH Johnny looks corporate. COLE I thought Jim Baker was a trip. Stephen Joseph Popick puts his right hand out. Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, the OAOAST referees and Road Agents look on. The crowd buzzes. COLE Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, John. Don’t drink it. COACH Drink it! Drink it all! John “Rock Hard” Brickston looks down at Popick’s right hand. He looks at Vitamin X, who tells him to shake Popick’s hand, Mr. Boricua, who just stares angrily at John, and then at the fans, who warn him not to join. John “Rock Hard” Brickston takes a deep breath, looks at Stephen Joseph Popick, looks at Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand, looks at Vitamin X, looks at Mr. Boricua, looks at the OAOAST Road Agents and referees, and looks at the fans. COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me… With Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, Jimmy Korderas, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Terry Funk, Terry Taylor, and the fans watching, John “Rock Hard” Brickston looks right at Stephen Joseph Popick’s face, looks down at Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand, looks up at Stephen Joseph Popick right in the eyes again, and… …shakes his hand. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Oh no. COACH Yipee! Vitamin X applauds Brickston. COACH A deal has been struck! COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston has returned to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH He has come on home! Popick tells Mr. Boricua to shake Brickston’s hand. Mr. Boricua refuses. Popick tells him to shake Brickston’s hand again. Boricua again refuses. Popick tells him to shake Brickston’s hand once again. Mr. Boricua again refuses. Popick demands that Boricua shake Brickston's hand. Boricua still refuses. Popick tells Boricua to shake Brickston's right hand one more time, and Mr. Boricua finally relents and shakes John Brickston’s right hand. He still growls at Brickston though. A wide, evil smile appears on John Brickston’s face. COLE Mr. Boricua and John Brickston shaking hands, letting bygones be bygones. COACH This is beautiful! I love it! John Brickston is back in the SJPC! COLE Wonderful. John “Rock Hard” Brickston has sold out! He has rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing. John “Rock Hard” Brickston shakes Vitamin X’s right hand. Stephen Joseph Popick has a wide, evil grin on his face. The referees and OAOAST Road Agents leave the ring. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Ladies and gentlemen…ROCK HARD BRICKSTON! Brickston shakes Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand again and thanks him for letting him rejoin the SJPC. Popick says, “Don’t mention it.” Brickston sneers at the fans. Mr. Boricua growls at Brickston, but is held back by X who leads him out of the ring. COLE Nice to see that John “Rock Hard” Brickston has about as much integrity as Spanish Fly does! COACH What are you talking about? The Corporation has made a coup! Spanish Fly AND Rock Hard Brickston rejoining within a three month span! Both men have returned to where they started their careers. To the place they once called home and now call home again! Except this time they are under the loving care and guidance of Stephen Joseph Popick! COLE Oh brother. Are you a Corporate member too? COACH Oh, how I wish I could be! COLE Ugh. The crowd boos loudly. Rock Hard Brickston taunts the fans for “not really caring about him” (according to him). He shakes Vitamin X’s right hand again with an evil smile on his face. COLE I cannot believe what has transpired. John Brickston voluntarily quit The Lightning Crew almost four years ago! And now he’s back!? COACH THAT was The Lightning Crew. THIS is the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! And he’s not John “Rock Hard” Brickston anymore. Now it’s simply Rock Hard Brickston! COLE It’s the same damn group except they’ve got a different primadonna leading them! COACH It’s a totally different group! COLE Oh yeah? Name one reason why? COACH Uh…I…err…umm… COLE You see! You can’t even think of how they are different! COACH Shut up! Shut up! Just let me think about it for a second, all right! Geeze! COLE John--err--Rock Hard Brickston has sold his soul to Stephen Joseph Popick! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation just got even BIGGER! COACH I got it! The SJPC doesn’t have a lightning bolt hit for their entrance! COLE It’s still the same group, Coach! COACH No, it’s not. And I’ll prove it to you someday! COLE (under his breath) Like that day will ever come. (Out loud): Sure you will, Coach. Sure you will. We’ll be right back! Vitamin X holds the ropes for Stephen Joseph Popick and Rock Hard Brickston to leave the ring. Stephen Joseph Popick grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and slings it over his left shoulder. He walks up the entrance ramp next to Rock Hard Brickston. Both men have evil smiles on their faces. Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua walk right behind them. Rock Hard Brickston taunts the fans while Stephen Joseph Popick laughs maniacally, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder, as “Fuel” by Metallica continues playing. FADE OUT * COMMERCIAL BREAK * COLE Ladies and gentlemen this past Thursday E!News ran a special on The Enterprise's HOTTTIE, Head of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence, Alix Maria Spezia and her many entertainment projects, including her new CD and upcoming Rolling Stone cover. The good people at the network were kind enough to let us reair the segment here on HeldDOWN. Let's take a look! We're on the set of E! News, if you don't know what that looks like, then turn on your tv, I ain't explaining shit ya'll should just be aware of. Damn. More importantly I'm lazy. Absent is Ryan Seacrest, but present is Giuliana Rancic (see above!) GIULIANA RANIC She's hip, she's hot, and she's trendy, but is the most gorgeous Rolling Stone convergirl in history, Alix Maria Spezia, the feisty spark the sagging record industry needs? Well, The Hollywood Bad Girl thinks she's all that and more! We recently caught up with the busy babe on location for her cover shoot for the April issue of Rolling Stone, and in the studio working on her upcoming album Beauty Crush. And as always America's sweetheart had plenty to say! MONTAGE! GIULIANA From OAOAST superstar, to celebrity chef delighting the richest of clients, the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties is branching out in an entirely new direction. A musical one with her dance-rock album Beauty Crush, and she's celebrating by bursting out on Rolling Stone magazine. GIULIANA (V.O.) So what's got Alix in such a sing-a-long mood? Alix says she's just living out a passion that's been with all her life. CUT to Alix on the set of her Rolling Stone Photoshoot ALIX It sounds cliché but music really has to be an expression of self. If its not like right from the center of the heart, if there's no real, raw emotion, its not any good. And to me, there aren't people really focused on that aspect of it. Like there's so many people out there who are just pushin it, and pushin it for that jam that's gonna hit big on the top 40 or get mad play as a ringtone. As a ringtone! Can you believe there are actually dudes out there who are all hype about being the fifteen second introduction to a sixteen year old's booty call? Do ya think Mick Jagger hung out on some, “Jeepers golly whiz, Keith, I don't care about Grammys, or respect, or our place in rock n roll history and all that, I just hope Gimme Shelter gets to be the ten second prelude to Uncle Bert telling Cousin Agnes, little Abner gave him crotch rot!” No way, am I rollin with that common made for radio formula. No way. I'm just down with so much experimentation and so many funky, wild, groovtastic insturments, its straight up insane. Like this bad boy of rock n roll! (holds up an instrument) Its like a golden tapestry of sounds and noises laid bare and vulnerable before undeserving ears! GIULIANA I believe that's a phone book. Alix (Clutchingher “instrument”) Nuh-uh! I know what a phone book looks like, silly girl! Its got my dads circles, stars, thumbs up and smiley faces littered across the male escort pages. Duh! GIULIANA (V.O,) When it comes to harnessing her love for music, Alix certainly has the right guides. Swiss Beats, of almost every hit song you've heard over the radio this past year fame, has signed on to produce three songs on the big budget tour de force. CUT to producer Swiss Beats relaxing in an empty studio behind the mixing console. SWISS BEATS Swiss Beats aka the one man band man has met the one woman band woman, because Alix, I'm tellin ya'll, she can do it all. Whatever, you tell her to do, you only gotta say it once, and she does it perfectly. Perfectly. She's got a love for music and she just takes it to levels the next man hasn't even started to see. GIULIANA (V.O.) But the big name producer isn't the only megastar helping to make this the first potential blockbuster album of the 08. Alix has locked down her spot as the luckiest woman on earth with guest appearances from Carlos Santana, DJ Tiesto, BT, Rick Ross, and Anthony Kieids of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. A quick montage of the artists just mentioned is played before the image finally settles on Alix and Kiedis sitting inside the recording studio, their animated speech is interspersed with clips of them actually recording, or performing other various music based tasks.. KIEDIS Its been a spiritual revelation working with Alix. There really is a magical otherworldly vibe happening between everybody when Alix is in the studio. You start realizing that the level of consciousness will get higher and higher, yeah. When you got the chaos of the drums, and those huge uncontrolled breakbeats in the background, there's an honest calming beauty in the innocent consciousness of her voice. ALIX The Red Hot Chili Peppers saw me through soooooo many huge changes in my life, straight up, dude. Since I first heard them, Capri Pants came in, they went out, they came in again. I dunno if they're in or out now, but I just bought thirty of those babies with Mackenzie's credit card, so I'm all nighting and every daying those babies! KIEDIS Lest we forget the trails blazed by the accessory best known as the tiny knapsack? ALIX Ooh, ooh,ooh, that is like right on! How can something so tiny hold all my dreams? Oh, and there was the time I so wanted an A in my freshman biology class from Miss Leonard, but she wasn't giving any extra credit. She looked at me, raised her eyebrow and tossed me on that dissecting table, pushed all those frog guts, cow heads, and cat brains to the floor and said “What you've got you've got to give it to your mamma”. So, I had to take a little advice from the RHCP's, and give it away, give it away, give it away now. KIEDIS Questionable student/teacher liasons, and a perversion of the community college educational infrastructure? Exactly what I wrote the song to symbolize. Finally someone gets the real meaning! GIULIANA (V.O.) Her choice for her first single was easy. She stays true to her California roots with a dance cover of California Dreamin', mixed by DJing legend BT. CUT to Alix on location of the music video shoot for the song. The stage is the psychedelic setting of a somewhat mysterious dance club touched by a distinct seventeenth century French flair. There areh flashing dark blue lights beneath the tiles of the floor, roaming blood red, and ocean blue spotlights traversing an area that's made to look almost Gothic with towering grey stoned pillars, extravagant and elaborate murals that shimmer and burn through the flashing lights positioned behind them ALIX I love California Dreamin, its like my favorite song ever. I live it, I breathe it, I love it, I fondle it at night when its asleep, heheheh. But, you know, trill talk, its a song that really just speaks to me every time I listen to it. It says Slow down, go down, got to get your lovin' one more time hold me, roll me, slow ridin' woman you're so fine. I never understood why it talks like Slow ride, though. Kinda weird! GIULIANA (V.O) It hasn't all been big budget recording sessions, and rocking out with a who's who of pop culture, though. There have been some serious downswings for Alix, as she's been continually plagued by tabloid rumors of all night partying and extreme drug use. One even has her canvassing New York city lesbian bars with Paris Hilton. But just like always, Alix is guilt free and unapologetic. CUT to Alix sitting at the mixing console. ALIX Get your daily Alix updates from around the world from Verizon Vcast, only on Verizon wireless! And here's a free one for ya, just in case ya missed out oh the other eighty trillion times I may have dropped da bomb, I am a lesbian, shouldn't ya be a bit more worried if I was hanging out with Fred Phelps at the West Boro Baptist church? And, I'm there with my friends, Paris is a friend so I took her. If she wants to hang at a lez bar, then yeah, I'll take her there and we'll make it rain Melissa Ethridge albums and flannel shirts. We had some drinks we got our Patrick Swayze on on the Dirty Dance floor, so yeah, we're having loads of fun. Who cares, right? But, oh please, omniscient emperors of Alix's social life, tell this lost wayward servant of Christ, how she might spend her few hours away from convent? Waxing republican with Mitt Rommney about how “Sodomite Mexico is fast reverting to the vile Satanic ways of the filthy fagot Inca and Aztec empires, which were obliterated by God Almighty because of their terrible sins?” while we make sure our robes are nice and fluffy for the clan meeting? GIULIANA (V.O.) On the subject of her bitter split with Krista Isadora Duncan, and how its affected the public's perception of her, Alix is just as feisty and combative. CUT to Alix sitting in the makeup chair at the RS photoshoot, mixed with footage of the actual shoot. ALIX I don't know, babe, its just weird to explain how everybody kinda wants to flip flop on you, ya know. It seems like one day I had millions of super awesome friends and the next day everyone is like..GAHHHH! But thank god, I still have so many loving and supportive fans. But you gotta learn to love yourself, and then love will come to ya! Lil thing I learned after I got shot three times in the neck. GIULIANA You were shot? Really? ALIX Ehhhhh, I kinda slipped on a peanut at CVS and a box of Lucky Charms fell on my neck. I got a way bitchin' Care Bears bandaid though. Best day of a twenty nine year old's life! CUT to Giuliana in the studio GIULIANA Here's hoping the release of Alix's album brings a much happier day then care bear band aids. For more on Alix, and her new CD Beauty Crush, stay tuned to E!News, and visit E! Online for the latest scoops on Alix and all your favorite stars. FADE OUT COACH This whole organization be up on some bullshit! Niggas be wrestling fifteen minute matches on HedlDOWN and Syndicated, and get rewarded with an interview from Gene Okerland or Nerdly jail bait. She doesn't even show up for work half the time, and she gets a CD and gets to be on E!? COLE You do realize Alix is now the crown jewel of The Enterprise? And when you insult her, you insult Moneymaker's best and most well known investment. COACH I see....Shoe shine for ya Mistah Moneymaker? COLE Yes, well, after the Rolling Stone shoot was over, our cameras...okay, Molly and the Siclopse caught a very interesting confrontation between Alix and Krista. The scene shifts to the dressing room at the Rolling Stone Photoshoot, Mackenzie DeCenzo is relaxing on the couch, while Alix sits on a stool in front of a mirror in the same stage of undress as she was in during the actual shoot. MACKENZIE We have to go out together, we're a couple in a relationship. Its what we do. You're not going out by yourself again. Not all, I can't go for that. ALIX “I can't go for that?” What are you, Hall and Oates? Look we're not the twins from Joined at the Head, if we separate its not like, you know BAM BOOM tragic death cut down in the prime of our life. I'll go hang out with my friends, and you can chill with whatever losers and dorks you associate with. Plus, you kinda get on my nerves whenever we go places. Its always Alix, don't take that, Alix that stuff is dangerous, Alix that's very bad for you, its like, hello twenty nine years old, baby monitor got packed up a long time ago, Mary Poppins, float on outta here with your magic umbrella. MACKENZIE So I'm wrong for being concerned about your habits? ALIX I don't have habits. I have fun. Lots and lots and lots of fun, and you ain't invited. So there! KRISTA (O.S.) Alix! Alix drops to her knees and holds her hands together in prayer, not realizing that its Krista calling her and not God. ALIX Yes, god, the dismembered heads of the non believers have been arranged in the shape of the pentagram. Soon the Anthropophagi will rise, and the heretics will perish between their fangs. KRISTA (walking onto scene) Its not god...well, it is god, but its also me, dummy. MACKENZIE You! ALIX Krista! You know the holy spirit speaks to me every day at this hour how dare you take advantage! Understandably displeased to see Krista is Mackenzie, who leaps from her seat, ready to call security and have Krista removed. MACKENZIE Hey, wait, what's that sound? A waitress at an Applebees in Long Beach just knocked a beer bottle onto the floor! If you, hurry, Krista maybe you can make it over there in time to lick the suds off the seat cushion before they dry. How's that sound? KRISTA Ah, Mackenzie DeCenzo, what can be said about you that hasn't already said already been said by a vagina infested with the west nile virus? Judging by your haphazardly shaven arm pits and freakishly sized calves, shouldn't you be climbing the Empire State Building with Ann Darrow clinched in fist, furiously battling against the US Air Force's attempts to take you back to Skull Island? ALIX Actually she should be kidnapping Princess Pauline, and chucking barrels at a plucky young plumber from Brooklyn! MACKENZIE (to Krista) Sow! KRISTA Cow. ALIX Stop it, stop it, stop it! If there's one thing I'm not in the mood for before I've had my afternoon bong hit its rhyming insults! KRISTA Runt. MACKENZIE Cunt! ALIX Green light, yellow light, red light, STOP in the name of love before you break my heart, think it oooover. Okay, listen. Just keep it on some DL west coast gangsta shit, kay? This is how we thirty to forty lesbian demographic operate. We are like totally locked in a high stakes, sapphic pied-a-terre. MACKEZNIE Pas de deux. KRISTA And there's three of us, stupid. ALIX Uh, you're like the dumbest people ever. That's what I said! MACKENZIE You said "pied-a-terre." That's an apartment. ALIX Uh-huh, kinda knew that already. Took two semesters worth of Klingon from Melody, in case ya didn't know. Krista you should, it cost you fifteen thousand dollars in tuition and lab fees. But, anysnooch this such a predicament. But if Facts of Life has taught me anything its that these types things can always be solved with a nice, long, threesome. And, hey, what do ya know, I'm already undressed for the part! Sweet! MACKENZIE I don't think there were any threesomes on Facts of Life. ALIX Maybe not on the show, but on alt.sex.erotica.threesomes.factsoflife, oooooh man, Jo, Trudy, and Miss Garret make one hell of a reverse oreo cookie! Okay, if no-go on the threesome how about yes-go on some dry humping? MACKENZIE I'll tell you what, I'm the mature, understanding, even tempered girlfriend, so I'm going to let you two workout some issues with each other. Alix, if you need me, you know where I'll be. I love you. ALIX Right back atcha! Mackenzie gives Alix a long lingering kiss on the lips, one designed to show Krista that the brunette belongs to her and her alone, as opposed to express any feelings of love or tenderness KRISTA I expect thirty percent of any tricks you turn while you're out! With Mackenzie out of the picture, Krista's demeanor now turns deadly serious. KRISTA Explain. Why would you do this to me? ALIX See... KRISTA I can't believe you. I can't for a second believe that you can stand in front of me and not break down in tears of shame, tears of sorrow, tears of what the hell is wrong with me for what you've done. Alix, when I told you I had a kid, that was more then just a horrible secret, that was a magical once in a lifetime gift of my trust. And you took my hand, and without any sort of malice or scent of betrayal in your voice, you returned it when you promised to never share it with anyone. That was the single most important thing we've ever done together,that I've ever done with anyone, and that you've ever done with anyone. And what happens, Alix? You flake out on me? The best friend you had for twelve years, the lover you could've had even after death did us part, and suddenly she means nothing when you're just a leap away from your fairytale fantasy. But, what you don't understand is that, while you're out playing a real life Guitar Hero, living some rock n roll fantasy camp, there is a very terrible reality you've left behind, and it is a nightmare for me, its a nightmare for Maya, and whenever Moneymaker gets around to revealing who my child is, it will be a soul crippling nightmare for them. But, maybe, you do understand and you just don't care. I don't know why that's surprising. You've always been a selfish flake. ALIX Am I gonna have to get buck wild with the traffic light routine again? Uh-uh, no way is this girl a...hey, skittles! I mean, no! No! You are majorly wrong, I am mos def not flakey. KRISTA Oh, yeah right, the entire Kellog's factory is less flakey then you! The dinners you blow off, the dry cleaning you forget to pick up, the birthdays you forget, the parties you throw then forget to attend, the warrants you evade, the high speed police chases you lead the LAPD on, the court dates you skip out on, the bills that are late every month, and it's always been this way, Alix. Always! You skipped out on my college graduation party before I cut the cake. That was a big deal to me. ALIX Oh my god! You are not even trying to be serious right now! It was friggin Pound cake! Even Marie Antionette wouldn't let them eat that! KRISTA But, I'm the laid back friend, the easy going girlfriend, so I let it all slide, because it's not like we're making a baby or something. There's no kids involved, who cares, right? Except this time, there are kids involved! Mine! ALIX Yeah, All righty, thanks. Why can’t you just like grow up and just like talk to me? Why do you have to be so like…ugh! I mean, you're all explain this, explain that, so when do I get my chance to even talk? Does it even matter why I did it? Or do you just like the little sensation you get when you yell at me, and you treat me like crap? KRISTA I treat you like crap, huh. Sure, okay, sweetie. I put you through nursing school, you dropout. I pay your way through acting school, you drop out. You want to start a flower shop, I put up the cash, you take it and go buy a car. I clothe you, I feed you, I love you and I protect you. I am the mother you always wanted. You get treated like crap? Well, the next time I need a diagnosis on my chronic back pains, someone to play the role of Miss Prism in The Importance of being Earnest, a nice mother's day floral arrangement, and a ride to the hair salon, I'll be sure to drop a dime to the festering shit in a Johnny on the spot outside a Home Depot. As for why you did this to me? That's a real easy question, I can answer it myself. You just like it when I'm unhappy. ALIX Oh my god. Oh my god. Whatever. Ya know what, just go on wasting away in your delusional, booze fueled, Valium driven stupor, because, obviously, reality and you aren't even sharing the same solar system! KRISTA Oh, just admit it. You're happiest when I'm miserable, when I'm wasting away in that delusional, booze fueled, Valium driven stupor. Its safe for you. Its kind of comforting, you're free to go out and experiment with brand new exotic worlds, fabulous people, exciting lifestyles, because there's always a safety net to catch you when you fall. There's always Krista, alone, depressed, heavily medicated, and numb to everything but your touch. ALIX Shut up, Krista. KRISTA I mean, come on. Isn't that our thing? And didn't that thing start to slip away from you when you saw the Look Of Love? Oh no, oh shock, oh horror, oh pain, oh misery, you're safety net was in danger of being folded up and packed away. And you knew that when you eventually nose dived from grace, you wouldn't stop until the bloody splatter once you hit bottom. And now you have to look at how miserable you are. ALIX Seriously, Krista, shut up. KRISTA But I am not gonna be miserable for you anymore! I am gonna try to be happy, and I'm going to love both my kids, and I'm going work my ass off to undo all the hell your selfishness and bitterness has created. And if you can't deal with that, then you are even more pathetic than I thought! ALIX Get out, Krista. KRISTA (walking out the door) Go to hell. COACH Dennis Zine can try and stop the papparazzi, but he can't stop Molly Nerdly and Siclopse! Go on girl! Go on! And when can I get that Rolling Stone? I sad got dayum! COLE Things heating up all over the OAOAST here tonight, that's for certain! And they can only get hotter the closer we get to Anglemania. COACH Do you ever say anything that's not a cliché? COLE How about backing me up on commentary instead of always being so aggressive and antagonistic? COACH You battery mouth bitch, your father rocks turtle necc tank-top. Your mother suck dicc so long that the bitch sounds like SOUNDWAVE when she talks, shame on your mother for looking like Green Arrow. COMMERCIAL

COLE AnglePalooza was indeed a night that we won't soon forget. It's a night that Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix will remember for a while I'm sure, for all the wrong reasons. Landon guaranteed victory in the Lethal Rumble Match and... well, suffice is to say, things didn't turn out the way he expected, thanks in no small part to Todd Cortez. *Back to Sofa Central* COLE Another Riot Act Plus for Landon Maddix and another step farther from regaining the World Heavyweight Championship. Well during the week, the good folks at the OAOAST.com were sent a special video message from La Cucaracha, recorded a short time after AnglePalooza. Let's take a look at what Landon had to say, directed to his former running buddy Todd Cortez... *WHOOSH~!* The footage begins with a couple of seconds of static, before suddenly the camera comes to life. The footage is kinda jumpy, much like you'd expect to see on any video on the internet. Indistinct sounds can be heard in the background as Landon leans against a plain beige coloured wall, deep in thought as he looks down at the floor beneath him. With a loud sigh Landon then looks up for the first time into the camera. MADDIX Todd Cortez, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. Landon smiles to himself. MADDIX Guess I've got plenty to think about. Like you Todd. Like the way things have imploded between us these past few months. Like... all the times you've screwed me over these past few months, out of titles, title opportunities. And Todd, I've come to a conclusion just recently. You see, I understand your frustrations. I understand that you're an ambitious guy and you feel like you could be a somebody around here, amongst a sea of nobodies, of could-bes, of should-bes. But Todd, you see the problem is, you've got ideas above your station. Zack Malibu got in your head with tales of success and grandour. And you bought into it. You bought into those dreams. So you went and you turned your back on me. And ever since then you've been directing your frustrations towards me. Staring into the camera for a second, Landon bites at his lip. MADDIX You stabbed me in the back and at first, that angered me. But I've come to think and I've come to understand... you were doing what you thought was right for your career. And it's down to me to remind you that what is best for your career is being associated with me! Pointing at his chest for emphasis, Landon stops and collects himself. MADDIX You didn't realise, with all these dreams of being World Champion all of a sudden in your head, you were a somebody when you were with Landon Maddix. Together, we made a great team. We won Tag Team Titles in the SWF. And we dominated the OAOAST as a part of The Wildcards. But something got inside your head and suddenly, you couldn't settle for second best. You couldn't see the big picture. Todd, you're good. But I'm great. And you couldn't stay by my side knowing that. I had the World Title. And you couldn't stay by my side and accept that. It's a damn shame Todd. Because it's a lonely world out there sometimes and your chances of being that success story you long to be are fading with every day you're not associated with me! Landon smiles to himself again. MADDIX You believe that beating me is going to be the next step. And quite frankly, I'm sick of you dumping me on my head with that ridiculous 'piledriver' of yours week in and weeks out trying to accomplish that. So I'm going to give you what you want. One on one, you and me, Todd. But under one condition. MY condition! When I beat you Todd Cortez, you will be back by my side, the way it should be. You have to do what I say, when I say. You have to tow the line. You're more determined now, you're more focused now, but you're still not the wrestler that I am. So when I defeat you, Martial Law will reign again. Peace will be restored between us. And you will achieve success, I promise you. Drifting off for a second, a gleam appears in Landon's eye as he looks back into the camera. MADDIX And one day, maybe just maybe, you'll turn around... and you'll thank me. Landon stands motionless for a second, before nodding to himself and walking off out of camera shot. Again we go back to Sofa Central. COLE And we can confirm that that match has been signed and sealed by OAOAST President AngleSault. It'll be February 14th in Montreal, right here on HeldDOWN~!, Landon Maddix to go one on one with Todd Cortez. And if Landon wins then Todd Cortez must join Cucaracha Internacional. For now lets move onto other matters stemming from the Lethal Rumble, namely those involving The Heavenly Rockers, MARV and One and Only World Tag Team Champions the Lonestar Gunslingers THIS PAST SUNDAY Anglepalooza Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment We cut to special correspondent and OAOAST legend Tony Brannigan outside. TONY Tony Brannigan live outside Quicken Loans Arena awaiting the arrival of the Heavenly Rockers for a major announcement. I should point out Maggie Nerdly was originally scheduled to conduct this interview, but after the events that occurred Sunday night she didn’t think she could stomach to look at them. Quite frankly, I’m not too sure I can either. There’s pushing the envelop and then there’s crossing the line, and the Heavenly Rockers crossed the line big time at Anglepalooza. Okay, I’ve been told the Heavenly Rockers have pulled up in the parking lot and should be headed our way momentarily. Right on cue, the Heavenly Rockers drive in on their TOUR BUS appropriately named Saints & Sinners. The mechanical door opens and a jovial Heavenly Rockers, Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly exit. Also the bus driver but he’s not important. SYNTH Holy shit, it’s T-Bod! Man, Ah thought you was up wrestling in the big cloud in the sky. TONY Well I’m alive and well. But what’s not sitting well with a lot of people, myself included, is your behavior at Anglepalooza. Now I’ll be the first to admit I did a few questionable things back in the day, but attacking a poor defenseless young woman? That’s going a bit too far in my opinion. LOGAN Your opinion matters little and means nothing sayeth Logan Usher Mann! The Heavenly Rockers tried to go about business the right way. We petitioned the OAOAST for a rematch AND GOT DENIED 3 TIMES!!! Fine, that’s cool. We’ll just go to the champions instead…BUT THEY SAY NO TOO!! HOLLY And they’re supposed to be fighting champions? PUH-LEEZE! LOGAN Since the Lone Star Gunslingers wouldn’t give us a rematch, we had no choice but to bring the fight to them. TONY Before you acted out in such a violent matter, did you ever think maybe the reason you were denied a rematch was because you’re entered in the Anderson Cup? COLONEL ABDULLAH TONY Remember now, the loser of your match with the Gunslingers at the New Year’s Spectacular was to be granted a spot in the Cup. A stipulation widely reported you guys pushed for…you know, just in case. LOGAN I don’t like where this interview is going. MAN (off-camera) Then you sure as hell ain’t gonna like this, you sons of bitches! SYNTH That potty mouth belongs to BARON WINDELS, who sprints towards the bus along with JOCK MULLIGAN wielding BASEBALL BATS. LOGAN Everybody back in the bus. Pronto! Logan and company make it safe inside, but with the driver missing (guess he was important after all) they can‘t start the bus. COLE How appropriate is that? The Heavenly Rockers trapped like a bunch of rats. Unable to break in, the Gunslingers begin smashing the head/taillights! LOGAN In the background, we see the Colonel screaming at Synth. Thanks to Jock breaking one of the side windows we hear Abdullah instructing Synth to HOTWIRE the bus! COACH This is horrible. I can’t believe the Lone Star Gunslingers would stoop this low. COLE I’m sorry, but that’s a category the Heavenly Rockers have all to themselves. Synth gets the bus running and off the Heavenly Rockers go. As they speed away Baron uses his bat like a spear to hurl it into the back window! Still fuming with rage, the Gunslingers call Tony Brannigan over. BARON (pointing to the broken glass) You see this Synth and Logan? That’s what taking the fight to someone looks like. None of this hit and run crap you do. Like we said at Anglepalooza, you can mess with us and live to tell about it -- ask James Blonde and Faqu -- but mess with family and it’s a whole other story. We may not be related to Melody by blood, but we certainly think of her as so. Now that you got the law hunting you down I’m sure as hell hope you’ve given your soul to the Lord because your ass belongs to us! JOCK Heavenly Rockers, I know you got a mighty big Anderson Cup match next week against Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, but ask yourselves this: Will you ever make it there? Because whenever you go, whatever you do, we’re gonna be right there waiting for you just as we were tonight. Until we get you back in the ring we’re gonna keep chasing you down like the dogs you are. With that, we go… COMMERCIAL

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by..... The Brave One-In Stores 2/5 The Eye-Now In Theatres Patty O'Green's Apologize to Mitch Kupchak foundation-Hey, Mitch, dude, I'm really sorry YEOW! Pulling off the impossible ensemble of a white sports coat with blue lapels and fire engine red pants, the perpetually laughing Theodore Moneymaker sets foot onto the entrance stage. He's welcomed by not a single soul, many of whom get to their feet and offer him a thumbs down and the more vulgar middle fingers. Moneymaker's joyful mood can't be erased by any one profane comment or gesutre, as he strolls down the entry ramp, smiling into the Siclopse that's held by Molly Nerdly. "Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night" COLE Theodore Moneymaker, with a little help from Mackenzie and Alix has turned The Enterprise around, and righted the course of that battlecruiser. He's unfortunately set the OAOAST on fire with gossip on who's Krista's kid, COACH Which should tell you something about our roster, because Krista is only in her mid thirties. The average age of the OAOAST roster must be eleven! That's the reason the buffet table is lined with juice boxes, fruit snacks, and granola bars. COLE And, Alix Maria Spezia, CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties is giving life to a dead music industry with her upcoming CD. Hate to say it but The Enterprise is back on top. Molly and Moneymaker enter the ring to little fanfare and numerous jeers and boos. As AC/DC'S hit song fades away, Moneymaker retrieves a microphone. MONEYMAKER Yes, its Theodore Moneymaker, still standing, still very much among the living! “BOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER Yes, yes, boo a survivor. Boo a survivor of one of the worst terrorist attacks on American soil in our great history. Steel chairs driven into my throat, trash cans bashed against my head, crutches taken to my legs, all in hopes of silencing the truth! But I'm not Rudy Guiliani, a shameful excuse for a republican presidential candidate. What does forty million dollars get you? The worst U.S. presidential campaign in modern history! Rest In Piss Rudy, because unlike you I won't turn tail and run for the comforts of my fag-enabling state like some moderate liberal apologist yellow belly! I am a vigorous warrior, and my resolve and fortitude is truly unwavering! I stand before you as proud and as vigilant as ever! My scars are symbols of the noble sacrifice I've made to publishing the truth about Krista Isaodra Duncan! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” MONEYMAKER But something very unfortunate has recently came to my attention. You, the viewer, the lower class, simply don't have the psychological strength to delay gratification. You, you and the OAOAST itself, are a foundation of mentally weak trogodytes. That's why whenever you collect your minimum wage paychecks from your counter jockey job at Food-Lion or SuperFresh, you rush to the local liquor store and pour it all into Bud Light, greasy artery clogging snack foods, and of course lottery tickets. Yes lottery tickets looking for the get lucky big break that's going to set you up for life. You don't have the patience, or the emotional courage required to invest that paycheck and see to it that it pays major dividends down the line. You want to get rich quick. You want to get rich now. Now! Now! Now! And your refusal to show psychological strength and resolve is now pressing upon me. Putting pressure on me where pressure has no place. Because you continue to bother and nag me about the identity of this child. You want to know now. Now! Now! Now! “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” MONEYMAKER I compare the revelation of Krista's kid to how I deal with a penniless wheelchair bound vagabond loitering around my limo, demanding I spare him a second of my time and dime of my riches. Do you think I simply tell the driver to put the car in reverse and back over him, and then speed off in laughter and merriment? Hardly. I roll down the window, dangle some sort of tasty sandwich in front of his salivating eyes like a master hypnotist. I watch his body shake, and his eyes tear up while he fantasies about his teeth gnashing into those six strips of lettuce, that smoked ham, that delightful honey wheat bread. Then I yank the sandwich back. And there comes the greatest part of all where I watch his heart swandive into his starving, empty gut. Now, I pull out a fine Cuban Cigar, imported from my family's many high powered connections. But what to light it with? Just my regular 24 Karat gold lighter? No, that's unimaginable! That's upper middle class! I light this fine piece of smoking mastery with a hundred dollar bill. A crisp hundred dollar bill. Like the youthful dreams of this transient, my money easily goes up in flames. Then with utmost casualness I chuck the flaming bill at the stunned drifter. He catches it, but scalds himself on the fire, leaving him crying in misery and depression. But at least he has his money to spend on beer, cigarettes and the peep show. Ah, but then that's when the Moneymaker magic springs to life! With a smile on my face, and laughter on my lips, I give the signal to my driver. My limo is put into reverse and this wheelchair dwelling boob with the Vietnam war jacket and my hundred dollars is left with thousands of dollars of medical bills! BWHAHAHAHAA! “BOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER When it comes to Krista, we The Enterprise have only just begun to bite into that carefully constructed sandwich. And when my limo does finally back over her, it will bring a gruesome death rattle that will be heard for ages. But that doesn't mean I don't occasionally toss the middle class a crumpled up Washington here and there. With that in mind, I've decided that here tonight on HeldDOWN we're going to look at a few candidates. Not the underhanded Anti-American, terrorist testicle sucking, homo-idolaters running for candidacy as the democratic nominees. These are candidates for what is apparently the very coveted title of Krista's child. What lucky soul is getting pulled out of purgatory and into a million dollar heaven? The looks of Grace Kelly, the money to buy several African countries, the status of Jane Fonda in her prime, the wit of George Carlin, and the class of Arkansas roadkill. This is the Krista you both know and treasure like an irreplaceable jewel. But, her's is a tough roster of personality traits for an unprepared child to try and emulate. But, maybe if we discover which OAOAST superstar has subconsciously tread their footsteps along the path of Krista Isadora Duncan we might find her child. Who's our first possibility? MONEYMAKER Mariachi? His possible mother controls a billion dollar fitness empire that stretches from Los Angeles all the way to Timbuktu. The money in her change purse could buy the freedom of Mariachi's sixteen brothers and sisters detained by Texas border authorities. Mariachi is a flaming immigrant with an expired work visa and has fornicated a stuffed sheep on television. Krista has won thirteen angle awards and four tag titles. Mariachi is a failure in every outfit of life. Unless that outfit is what he wears to the glory hole. I suppose there he's a smashing success. BWAHHAHHA! Aside from securing the wrath of the lord and savior with his homosexual perversions, Mariachi has not a single characteristic in common with Krista. Ergo, chances of Mariachi being Krista's son? None. C'mon, give me someone semi reasonable! MONEYMAKER Todd Cortez? Do we have it on confirmed record that Todd Cortez is an actual human being? This generic pissant nobody. I thought they mass produced him in a factory in Taiwan. Like a dust buster or staple gun. When your Todd Cortez breaks down, just go to Staples and purchase another one. BWHAHAHAHA! His possible mother wins female personality of the year, and he doesn't even have a noticeable personality to speak of. In the beginning, God created the universe. On the second day God made the heavens to separate the water from the earth and on the third day he raised the dry land up from the waters below the heavens and commanded the earth to bring forth all plants. On the fourth day God made the greater light for the day and the lesser light for the night. On the fifth day God commanded the waters to fill with living creatures and the air to fill with birds. On the sixth day God commanded the earth to bring forth all kinds of living creatures. On the seventh day, God rested...because a Todd Cortez promo put him to sleep! Chances of Todd Cortez being Krista's son? BWHAHAHAHHA! Don't make me laugh! COACH Shoe shine for ya Mistah Moneymaker! MONEYMAKER Krista Isadora Duncan. One masters degree from UCLA, one from Stanford. Uber Bruiser. Was recently seen chewing on power lines to give himself electricity based superpowers. Chewing on power lines to give himself electricity based superpowers. Chances of Uber being Krista's son? Silm. Very slim. “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” MONEYMAKER Hmmm, I can see that we've had more then enough of my prattling for one night! Maybe its time we heard from the mouth of babes. Instead of me auditioning various wrestlers to the role of Krista's bastard child, why don't we have these poor, low market, peons grovel before me, the Siclopse, and the world, and plead that their pointless existence be enhanced by being Krista's son or daughter. What sad sack is first? What lowly twit is most eager to ride his mother's coattails to success he'll never gain otherwise? *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* "Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" While the red lights spotlights swirl about the arena at a frantic pace, and thousands of female audience members ready their camera, the target of their carnal pleasures, Stephen Pigley, strides out from backstage, attired in a lab coat to conceal his finely sculpted physique and criminally undersized black tights. The hunky doctor strides down the entrance ramp, ignoring the woman who fight so greatly to lay their hands upon the body made out of the purest of stone. Grabbing a microphone from a nearby PA, he dives into the ring, getting an annoyed look from Theodore Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER Ah, its you. And who are you again? PIGLEY You know my name all to well. After all we put each other through pure hell over the fall. MONEYMAKER No. I put you into the Bank Vault you cried like an unwashed baby and that was the end of any threat you had against me! But why reminiscence about such an easy victory? After all, its not like I fondly remember the flies I swatted or the ants I squashed. BWHAHAHAHA! Now let's get to the business at hand. You actually believe that you're Krista Isadora Duncan's son. While it would give me pleasure to no end for her kid to be a quasi-homophobic, stripping lame brained ham and egger, I'm just not buying it, even with the millions of dollars in my bank account. And as stupid as our viewership and everyone in this arena is, I don't think they're buying it either. BWHAHAHAAA! PIGLEY Absolutely I got a great chance! Go ahead and take a look at me, ladies. And if you wanna get off twice, go ahead and take another one. And while you're doing that, let me get a little bit more comfortable. Pigley's lab coat is discarded from his flawless body, leaving the lean, chiseled, figure of male beauty to be marveled by hooting and hollering audience members. PIGLEY Uh-huh, you're damn right, ladies. Moneymaker, the most important thing you gotta know is that I'm laying down an artillery barrage of sexual ecstasy. When Pigley comes to town, he brings the gun show with him, and the ladies are going straight down! I cross the street and SCREEEEECH, traffic is stopping because all eyes are locked on me and the instrument I'm bringing to the operating table. And where did I get my great bod from? I got it from my hot mama of course! Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital Nurses are fussin' Doctors on tour Somewhere in India I got one friend layin' across from me I did not choose him, he did not choose me We've got no chance of recovering Sharing hospital Joy and misery Joy and misery Joy and misery MONEYMAKER Are we still taping Syndicated? Where's the job brigade coming from? All eyes turn the to entrance stage where parting doors bring EMT Tim Cash onto the scene. Outfitted in his traditional EMT attire Cash makes his down the entrance ramp, happily slapping hands with the front row fans. He then enters the ring, where he earns himself a microphone, and scoffing from his fellow wrestlers. CASH With all due respect, Doctor, this business about being Krista's kid? It isn't about your good looks, your cute nose and soft looking lips, your smooth and nicely tanned body, your sexy washboard abs, your cute little navel, your well developed calves, the soft soles of your gently arched feet.... MONEYMAKER CASH This is about service, and dedication. Krista has dedicated herself to the global community in ways you never have. She's donated money and time to suicide prevention research, fought tirelessly for gay and lesbian rights causes, devoted millions of dollars and thousands of hours to building clinics in underdeveloped African regions, has protested human rights abuses in countries across the globe, and her willingness to contribute selflessly to the world is copy catted every day by her son, EMT Tim Cash! I'm out there in streets, laying my body on the line, to save souls of the world because I care! Like my mother I care! PIGLEY Give it a break, Cash, you ride shotgun in the passenger seat of a truck with flashing lights. I'm the ER doctor, I'm the one saving lives! If there's anyone performing some kind of magnificent self sacrifice its me! All you do is drop death on my doorstep. I'm the one who brings it back to life. And like my mother I look fine as hell doing it. MOLLY That draws quite the cheer from the ladies in attendance, though it strangely displeases Cash, who thirty seconds ago was ready to elope with the doctor. Now pulled into an angry battle over a woman who may not even know they exist, the two wrestlers come nose to nose, neither one showing any inclination to back down from an intense staredown. MONEYMAKER Am I in hell? MOLLY Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye If Moneymaker wasn't in hell he certainly is now with the sudden arrival of every teenage girl's favorite tag team, D*LUX. Unlike the medical duo, they aren't here to apply to the job of Krista's child and instead have come for a brawl. With stern expressions and clinched fists they blaze a path down the entry ramp, eager to blaze their fists into Moneymaker's skull. Retreating to the outside of the ring are Pigley and Cash , who are more then happy to play spectator to the unholy beating of wrestling's most despised man. COACH Naw not these sucka for love niggas again! Apparently not enough, as Moneymaker repeats said claims to surprisingly little affect. He's brought down by a combination of a spear from Bryant, and a lariat from Brave! Their fists and boots then rain down upon his screaming face, earning grand pops from a now standing audience. Desperate for assistance, Moneymaker begs out, “Molly, help me!” “How awfully awful of you to ask that! A good documentarist never interferes with the natural progression of her subjects!” Molly chides him. Thankfully for Moneymaker, the OAOAST is not staffed with documentary film makers, and a gaggle of road agents, and referees pour into the ring to save him from his thrashing. Mortally exhausted, and weakened to the point where he can't even threaten revenge against the transgressors, Moneymaker is helped out the ring by Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. Together they carry him to the back, vocalizing his promises of victory in the Anderson Cup match against the two boys who lean through the ropes, pointing menacing fingers at their rival. “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” COLE Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant once again striking out at Theodore Moneymaker on behalf of Krista, but there will be an even better opportunity to do real damage to the billion dollar heir, when they meet up with he and Christian Wright in tonight's main event Anderson Cup match! When we come back, we'll have more great in ring action! COMMERCIAL (possibly PRL/Uno???)

COLE All kinds of fallout coming from the Lethal Rumble, fans, and not just the upset to PRL's in-the-bag victory. COACH I knew he'd never make it. COLE We'll probably spend half our commentary arguing over that, Coach, but right now a devastating update from the Lunar Phoenix camp. The feed cuts to a prepared video package: Jester's vicious attack, leaving Phoenix bloodied Phoenix trucking on through, participating in the Rumble and being eliminated. SCHIAVONE narrates: Despite warnings from staff medical personnel, James Cone kept his place in the Lethal Rumble, unwilling to give up the chance at a return Title Shot at Anglemania. FADE UP on Schiavone, standing in the hallway of a hospital. SCHIAVONE Unfortunately, it cost him. Not long after Phoenix got backstage, he collapsed. He's been in this Atlanta hospital for the better part of the week, and still hasn't come to. While concerned, Doctors speculate that he simply pushed himself too far following the severe concussion suffered at the hands of Jester, and will be able to return to ring action by the Leap Year Spectacular. Schiavone turns, and we see a door. He pushes it open slightly and inside we can see Phoenix, asleep. SCHIAVONE Access has been restricted due to concerns about Jester, and we don't want to disturb him. But our thoughts are with James Cone and Black Widow. BACK TO THE ARENA Cole and Coach, watching the video package on their screens. The lights dim - FULLY ALIVE by Flyleaf kicks in, and BLACK WIDOW is suddenly at the top of the ramp! POP~! She surveys the arena, pacing back and forth for a few moments before the music fades and the lights come up. WIDOW Thank you. The crowd continues to cheer. WIDOW We couldn't ask for better support from you guys. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here with this: She pulls a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. She opens it up and we can see the OAOAST letter head at the top. WIDOW This is an order, Jester. Not to leave us alone - we won't run from the fight. But to bring some order to your chaos. You see, you can cheat us, but we draw the line at cheating the fans! The fans respond rather loudly and kindly. COLE And they thank you for it! COACH An executive order? This is professional wrestling, Cole. This is ridiculous. More ridiculous than us! WIDOW People paid money for Jester and James Cone. They didn't get that. They didn't get it because Jester and his pet bitch are cowards. "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"! COACH Now come on. I'd call them tactical. COLE Semantics, sir. WIDOW This order is what I like to call, "An Order to Stop Being Pussies"! COLE Whoa! COACH Saucy! WIDOW Jobbs, if you want some of me, you can come and get it. But you've got to commit, honey. You either got it or you don't. You're better or you're not. And if our previous match is any indication, you don't. And Jester - really? You think you're crazy, you think you're chaotic, you think that makes you powerful. Fans, what does that make Jester? FANS "A PUSSY!" WIDOW Thank you, thank you. COLE And the fans tell it like it is! WIDOW That's right. So it's time to put up or shut up, Jester. If you want to prove something with James, then you've got to prove it in the middle of the ring. And Jobbs, if you want another shot at me, the same applies. But via this order, gender lines can no longer be crossed. If Jester lays a hand on me, he is evicted from the OAOAST forever! And vice versa. The fans cheer. WIDOW And also via this order: if there is a match booked, and either myself and James or Jester and Jobbs do anything that prevents that match from going forward, the offender will be evicted from the OAOAST forever! COLE And the stakes are raising, Coach. COACH The longer Widow is out here, there's more than that raising, Cole. It's gettin' hot in here. WIDOW You pulled some crazy things last time, Jester. We were younger and dumber then. But it's time to grow up and it's time to grow a pair. This is the OAOAST, this is wrestling. Grow up or get out! Close ups of the crowd show noisy approval. WIDOW Now that said. Jester, James wanted to pass this along: The Lunar Phoenix versus Jester. One on one. One more time. ANGLE-MANIA! Loser leaves professional wrestling for all time! "YEEEEEEEEEAH!" WIDOW And Jobbs, I know I want in on this and so do you. So here's the other half. Black Widow vs Miss Jobbs - CAGE MATCH - HUGE POP!!! WIDOW At Leap Year Spectacular! Widow takes a defiant step to the top of the ramp, straightens her back, squares her shoulders to drive it home - WIDOW Winner determines the stipulations for JESTER vs PHOENIX at ANGLEMANIA! COLE Oh my God! COACH A tangled, lusty web we weave! WIDOW Time to put up or shut up! FULLY ALIVE blasts as Widow throws a fist in the air. We abruptly cut backstage to a scene of chaos. The lone cameraman rushes through the hallways, trailing behind a pair of referees who are just catching up to a couple of their colleagues. Shouts echo through the halls as the referees try in vain to pull apart a fight, breaking out between no less than ZACK MALIBU and BOHEMOTH!! The four officials are far from enough to keep the two from throwing fists at each other. Zack goes low on Bo and tackles him into a wall, Bo trapping him in a facelock and getting in a few uppercuts to the ribs. CHIODA Guys come on! That's enough! Chioda gets shoved out of the way as a shot sends Zack reeling down the hall. But he quickly regains his senses and turns to go back after Bo, jumping up on the bigman with right hands flying! The two turn a corner and disappear off down the hall, the officials running off after them in the vain hope of stopping them. *back to the arena where Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura are now the primary commentary team* SCHIAVONE Wow. A real situation brewing backstage... let's go to the ring. *DINGDING!* BUFFER This contest is a Los Infernales Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup! .:CUE: "Chelsea Dagger", The Fratellis:. The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro to the song, boos ringing out as Nathaniel Black steps out onto the stage. Black raises his arms in the air and stomps to the ring confidently. BUFFER Introducing, team number one. The number eight seeds in the Los Infernales Conference... first, from London, England. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty eight pounds... NNAAAAATHHAAAANNIIIEEEEELLLLLL... BBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black slides partway under the bottom rope so he's facing into the crowd, staring out at them with contempt for a few seconds until he bridges up to his feet. SCHIAVONE So Black and O'Hara in their second match as a team, if you can call them that. And as we saw in their victory over Los Diablos two weeks ago, when they're on the same page there's potential in the team. VENTURA But there-in lies the problem. It's not a case of trying to be on the same page, they're being FORCED to be on the same page by AngleSault! I know 'Sault thinks forcing them into finding some common ground is going to sort out their differences, but I'm not so sure. That kinda thinking might work in some nine-to-five office job, but this is pro wrestling. If two people don't like each other, let 'em fight I say! SCHIAVONE It's not just 'O'Hara and Black' though Jesse. It's Black's mindset to people who don't wrestle his way, who don't act his way, that he's trying to sort out. VENTURA What the hell are you talking about Schiavone? He teams up with a crazy Samoan and a guy in a fur coat! They're hardly his kind of people under your criteria! "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pumps through the arena and a man who definately isn't Black's kind of people, Jamie O'Hara, walks through the entrance way with a typical swagger in his step. O'Hara throws some 'shout outs' down the camera in front of him as he heads to the ring, virtually ignored by Black who goes through his warm-ups. BUFFER And, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" In slides O'Hara, jumping to the middle rope to salute his fans and backflipping off back to the mat. Not appreciating the showboating, Black gets in O'Hara face and tells him in no uncertain terms to cut the showboating out. And again the referee is forced to seperate the 'partners' before their match has even begun. VENTURA See, I just can't see these two ever getting along. Even if they do win the Anderson Cup... even if they win the Tag Titles, there's just a huge clash of personalities that's not gonna go away. As O'Hara and Black continue their disagreement from across the ring, Rise Against's "Like The Angel" hits to remind them they've got opponents to worry about as it is. Out rush MARV and MEL, the brothers Nerdly fist-pumping out to the fans as two seperate rockets of pyro go up behind them, one orange and one blue! MARV and MEL then jog on to the ring. BUFFER And introducing their opponents. Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... total combined weight, three hundred and seventy pounds. They are the number five seeds in the Los Infernales Conference and former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Fireworks, huh? Wonder if their 'secret advisor' had anything to do with that. SCHIAVONE Could be. MARV and MEL get the crowd pumped as Black ducks out of the ring to let O'Hara start the match. Still the disagreements go on though while the twin brothers of The CAE are the very model of continuity. A double high-five gives way to MEL starting out with O'Hara. *DINGDINGDING!* A show of respect from the two opponents does nothing to improve Black's mood, getting on O'Hara's case as he locks up. MEL quickly grabs a side headlock and sinks down to a knee to control O'Hara. Going down with the momentum however, O'Hara pulls out a front flip, over MEL's back and onto his feet to escape the headlock. MEL shows his appreciation for the escape as despite Black's encouragement to "get on him", O'Hara lets MEL up. They lock up again and this time it's O'Hara grabbing the headlock. MEL pushes him off into the ropes and a shoulder block knocks Jamie down. Off the ropes goes MEL now. A nip-up comes out of nowhere from J-OH though, allowing him to armdrag MEL over on the rebound. MEL then walks into a Hurricanrana, cradled into a pin by O'Hara... 1... 2... MEL pushes forward, putting O'Hara down on his shoulders... 1... 2... Rolling through, O'Hara jumps to the side of MEL and throws himself back with a Standing Moonsau... NO! MEL moves... but O'Hara gets his hands out and pushes off the mat and to his feet! Sidestepping O'Hara, MEL drops down and forces him over top as he hits the ropes. O'Hara springboards up to the middle rope on the other side. But as MEL takes a step back O'Hara fakes him out, landing harmlessly on his feet in front of MEL, backflipping from the mat and hooking his legs around MEL's head for a headscissors takeover!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE And that is what Jamie O'Hara can do like no other in the OAOAST. Great speed, incredible athleticism. Finding himself in a neutral corner MEL pulls himself up and stops to re-collect his thoughts. O'Hara meanwhile plays up for the crowd, again to the dismay of his partner. VENTURA That kinda thing's only going to get you so far though. And Black... The fans on each side of the arena rise to their feet in unison. Not for Jamie O'Hara though, but for the sight of ZACK MALIBU AND BOHEMOTH BUNDLING THROUGH THE ENTRANCE WAY!!! Zack and Bo are now being surrounded by at least twice as many officials and suits as they were before, having the same lack of success in pulling them apart as before. Zack is sent staggering down the aisle from big right hand from Bo, the bigman shrugging off the arms of three or four referees to get another shot on Zack. He runs into a right from Zack though, the two bundling into the ring apron as the action in the ring has abruptly stopped. VENTURA What is going on here!? SCHIAVONE Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, tempers have spilt over! They had to be seperated at AnglePalooza and it's going to take the same thing to seperate them tonight by the looks of it! VENTURA It's gonna take more than they've got at the moment, that's for sure! Bohemoth and Zack brawl around the ring as right on cue, another sea of official figures and road agents rush out from the back to try and get some control. The fight continues on unabaited meanwhile, as Zack bundles Bohemoth back into the ring steps hip first, sending Black into the ring to safety. The officials finally get a hold on Zack at this point, but he manages to break free, running at Bohemoth... who cuts him off with a knee and grabs Zack by the head, sending the referees scurrying... *THUD!* "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!" ...BEFORE THROWING ZACK OVER THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, RIGHT ONTO SOFA CENTRAL!!! Michael Cole and Coach help out the officials by scrambling for cover and running for the lives. But they needn't worry, as the refs finally get in front of Bohemoth and hold him back from getting any more shots in. "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" VENTURA Let 'em go some other time, we're in the middle of an Anderson Cup Match here! SCHIAVONE I don't think these two care Jesse. I doubt they're even aware where they are. The red mist has descended between these two and they're just worried about getting their hands on each other! VENTURA They're both sore because they're not going to AngleMania! Tell it like it is Schiavone! SCHIAVONE I don't doubt that for a second. And it looks like they blame each other for tha... LOOK OUT!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd go NUTS as Zack Malibu jumps from sofa to announce table and SOARS onto the sea of people in front of him with reckless abandon! Referees, officials, road agents and Bohemoth of course go down, everybody dragging themselves up quickly in order to pull Zack off of Bohemoth! At this point more reinforcements head out from the back, the LOCKER ROOM being emptied to keep the two apart (and that's a LOT of people!). Amongst them, Leon Rodez gets a hold of Zack's arm and tries to talk some sense into him, which is going unnoticed apparantly as Zack continue to try and wrestle free. Two-thirds of the bodies are around Bohemoth as finally Zack is restrained and the people around him start to manoeuvre him back towards the backstage area. SCHIAVONE I haven't seen Zack like this in some time. He wants to go, he wants Bohemoth! VENTURA And the feeling is more than mutual let me tell ya! There's a lot of hurt pride out there, a lot of tension brimming over. SCHAVIONE O... okay, we're going to go to a break while we sort this out. Don't go anywhere, our Anderson Cup match WILL continue once we've restored order... we'll... we'll be back! *COMMERCIAL BREAK!* As we return from commercial, it's a thankfully calmer scene in the arena. Zack and Bohemoth have been carted off and the action has resumed, with MARV and Nathaniel Black in mid-flow. MARV goes up and over the roadblock created by Black, rebounding off the ropes and countering with a dropkick as Black attempts to throw him up into the air! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Welcome back everyone. We apologise for having to leave you briefly, but we've managed to get control and this crucial Anderson Cup Match continues on, as a tag is made. Controlling the arm with a wristlock, MARV holds Black in place for an axehandle smash from the top by MEL. Grabbing the arm, MEL then wrings it out into a wristlock of his own... but suddenly gets yanked forward by Black and turned INSIDE OUT with a Short-Arm Lariat!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA That's gonna change the complexion of things. Black picks MEL up off the canvas and runs him back across the ring, into his team's corner. As he stomps away, O'Hara slaps Black on the back and tags himself in. Oddly Black doesn't seem too concerned by that and continues kicking away without getting on his partner's back. Waiting for Black to get out of the way, O'Hara then slingshots himself into the ring, coming in with a dropkick against the bottom turnbuckle on MEL! He drags MEL out of the corner, hooking a leg... 1... 2... No! O'Hara brings MEL back to his feet, before taking him with with a snap suplex. Positioning himself in front of Black, O'Hara then sets... and hits a Standing Corkscrew Press!! 1... 2... NO! BLACK Oi! Gimme a tag! O'Hara obliges and Black waits for him to get into position in the corner. Stomping MEL, Black then positions himself beside the prone MEL and sets, for a Standing... up yours hand gesture to O'Hara, before applying a chinlock on MEL! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA Haha! There's some wrestling right there, none of this gymnastic crap! SCHIAVONE And you can hear which these fans in Cleveland prefer. VENTURA Well, we are in America. Style over substance, truer than ever considering we're in SuperBowl weekend. Fighting to his feet, MEL is abruptly chopped back down with a European uppercut from the European competitor. "That's how us English wrestle!" Black yells at his partner, before tagging in aggressively back into the fray. Shrugging, O'Hara follows his partner's lead, hitting MEL with a considerably less effective European uppercut. MEL stays on his feet, so O'Hara is encouraged to hit another one... but instead he sweeps out MEL's legs and hits a Standing Moonsault! 1... 2... NO! SCHIAVONE Two very different approaches, but the end result is the same, MEL in trouble. VENTURA Yeah, but I don't think Black's convinced somehow. As MEL pulls himself up, O'Hara crouches down waiting on him. SuperJay then takes flight with a spinkick... ducked by MEL, but O'Hara lands on his feet. A waistlock prevents MEL from getting over to make a tag. O'Hara struggles to keep a hold on MEL however, especially when an elbow cracks him up under the jaw. Standing switch by MEL, going behind and applying a full nelson. O'Hara squirms free of the hold and sits down, throwing up his legs looking to cradle MEL. But MEL catches him in a wheelbarrow and throws him up, back onto his feet, re-applying the full nelson and driving him forward with a Full Nelson Facebuster!! SCHIAVONE Face-first goes O'Hara, no way to sugar coat that! Sensing the same thing, MEL turns Jamie over and reaches back for a leg... 1... 2... Kickout! With the pinfall not succeeding, MEL heads for his corner to make the tag now. SCHIAVONE In comes the fresh man, MARV, looking to get over his Lethal Rumble disappointment here tonight. MARV quickly brings O'Hara up and lands a forearm. A second. And a third. O'Hara falls to one knee and MARV grabs a wrist, pulling him back to his feet and whipping him into the ropes. Around the world goes J-OH... and out the other side he comes, landing on his feet and hitting a flipping dropkick! O'Hara then rolls over to his corner, getting the tag out to Nathaniel Black. SCHIAVONE Black wasn't exactly stretching for that. VENTURA Doesn't matter, he's in and he's got MARV in his sights. As MARV picks himself up, Black catches him from behind with a Half Nelson Backbreaker!! Cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! With two handfuls of hair (something not going unnoticed by the referee), Black drags MARV right back up. A headbutt unsteadies the Canadian heartthrob. And a second, same effect, setting MARV up as Black hits the ropes... but the Lariat is ducked! MARV boots Black as he turns around and floats over, looking for a sunset flip. The 185 pounds MARV struggles to bring Nathaniel down however, needing the help of MEL with a running dropkick to haul the Englishman down... 1... 2... NO! As Black kicks out, Jamie O'Hara springs back into the match, springboarding to the top and wiping out MEL with a Springboard Somersault Seated Senton! SCHIAVONE You simply can't take your eyes off of Jamie O'Hara for a second! Rolling off of MEL, O'Hara waits in the wings as Black sends MARV off the ropes with an irish whip. As he rebounds MARV tumbles forwards with a roll, forcing Black to hurdle him. As MARV rolls through, O'Hara comes off the ropes in front of him with the Busaiku Knee Kick... but MARV ducks and Black ends up getting the knee to the face! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Uh-oh, a miscue there. VENTURA Or was it? SCHIAVONE Oh, I think that was unintentional Jesse. With Black down, O'Hara freezes for a second and gets spun around by MARV. A scoop and a slam only half succeeds though, O'Hara floating up and over and getting the slam on MARV. No prizes for guessing where O'Hara heads now. Up top, looking to fly. SCHIAVONE We could see any number of things from the top rope with Jamie. One of those being a punch to the gut, courtesy of MEL. On the opposite side of the turnbuckles from O'Hara, MEL stops him from reaching the top with shots to the midsection which leave O'Hara stranded on the middle turnbuckle outside. With O'Hara stunned MEL then climbs up with him. Both men are precariously placed on the middle rope on the outside, holding onto each other for support while they exchange shots. As this is going on, MARV recovers and quickly rolls back to his feet, climbing to the middle rope on the inside and looking to help out his partner. VENTURA This cannot end well Tony. Three men in a very dangerous position! MEL and MARV get their shots in on O'Hara, but the Englishman lands an elbow to the gut on MARV. O'Hara then hits a right hand on MEL. Holding onto the top turnbuckle, MEL manages to avoid falling to the floor. He then reels back for a right of his own... but O'Hara has the same idea, both men punching each other at the same time and BOTH FALLING FROM THE MIDDLE BUCKLE TO THE ARENA FLOOR BELOWii "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Something had to give and it gave right there. SCHIAVONE O'Hara and MEL just took each other out of the equation, in a big way. As they lay on the outside, MARV finds himself all alone up on the middle rope. Before he can think of climbing back down however, Nathaniel Black reaches up from underneath and Powerbombs him down!! Black stacks MARV on his shoulders... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! SCHIAVONE Only two, but with MEL and O'Hara out of the picture we may be down to a one on one match. VENTURA Which can only suit Nathaniel Black! Dragging MARV into the centre of the ring, Black crosses the arms underneath and sets him up for the Pyramid Bomb. MARV does his best to block the lift, dropping to a knee. Black is too powerful though and muscles MARV back up, throwing him up onto the shoulders. However he loses the arms with the lift, allowing MARV to float over the back with a sunset flip... 1... Black rolls through with the momentum and laces up the legs, deadlifting MARV up off the canvas for another traditional Powerbo... ...NO, MARV floats through this time, landing on his feet in front of Black. Hooking the head, MARV then trips out the leg, as MEL slides into the ring and connects with the Enziguri, Black then driven face-first with the Flatliner, sending him to the PEARLY GATES!! SCHIAVONE No, it's MEL, The Christ Air Express with a patented double-team move! MEL carries on out of the ring, as MARV hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Black kicks out a split second too late, O'Hara a split second too late getting back into the ring as well. MARV jumps up and embraces MEL, the brothers Nerdly having their hands raised in victory as O'Hara pulls himself up and wonders what happened. SCHIAVONE What a victory for MEL and MARV, let's get the official word! BUFFER Your winners of the match, advancing to the Los Infernales Conference Final... THE CHRIST AAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR EEEXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" MARV and MEL leave the ring with fists pumping and eyes gleaming, while Black starts to pull himself up. Looking a little shaken-up still, Black shakes out his head and glares as O'Hara questions him over... well, getting beat. Clearly blaming his partner for the errant knee earlier, Black tells O'Hara to "back off". But as a chant of "LOOO - SER, LOOO - SER" rings through the arena, Jamie cheekily waves for the fans to get louder... *WHAM!* ...AND GETS A LARIAT FOR HIS TROUBLES!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA And all bets are off now! Black staggers a little as he stands back up, getting his bearings before putting the boots to O'Hara. But as he does so, MARV and MEL rush back from the aisle and dive into the ring to make the save! Black quickly hightails it out of the ring, holding his head all the while as The Christ Air Express check O'Hara is okay. SCHIAVONE Nathaniel Black proving himself to be a sore loser once again. VENTURA That's got nothing to do with it. Black was told he and O'Hara had to get along as long as they were in the Anderson Cup. Well, now he doesn't have to worry about standing the sight of him anymore, he can just clothesline his head off! SCHIAVONE And I guess AngleSault is back to square one with Nathaniel Black. As Black marches off, O'Hara is helped to his feet by The Christ Air Express. O'Hara graciously shakes the hands of MARV and MEL and raises their hands in the air, with "Like The Angel" striking up again. SCHIAVONE And The Christ Air Express, two matches away from the change of a lifetime at AngleMania. Wrestling fans, there's more HeldDOWN still to come! COMMERCIAL Dissolve to a black screen with the caption "NEXT WEEK...", then dissolve to a shot where the camera is shooting the gigantic legs of an unknown man... NARRATOR Next week...(Quick flash of a man being knocked out in a cage, then close-up of his bicep) one of the most feared Mixed Martial Artists in the world climbs out of the cage...(quick flash of another knockout in a cage)..and into the ring. (Fade to black, then fade to long shot of full body, revealing the huge, ripped, bald, grizzled-looking Alec Johannsen. Cut to talking head interview footage interspliced with MMA footage of him destroying men) ALEC JOHANNSEN MMA has nothing left for me. 22-0 record, dead heavyweight division...I'm 6'4, 280 pounds. I am the most multi-dimensional fighter in the world. The OAOAST offered me high money and new competition. I'm not scared; I'm going to rip through them all. This is pagentry, this is show business. I am for real. I have strategies and formulas that these men have never had the abilities and knowledge to train for. I'm coming to take that OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, proving I can fight anyone, any style, and dominate. (Go to rapid-fire shots of Alec beating men up in wrestling training) NARRATOR Next week, he will appear in an OAOAST ring for the first time...World Champion Mixed Martial Artist, former two-time All American amateur wrestling champion, Abu Dhabi Fighting Champion...A MONSTER IS COMING! Alec Johannsen comes to the OAOAST live and in person...NEXT WEEK!

well, it could just be straight linked into kc's segment, its not like his requires a commercial break or anything. I'll try that.

eeeeeek, KC has already opening segment

Okay let's assume the obvious, Anglepalooza is not going to go up on time. Most likely it goes up on Monday, so HD will get pushed back until Friday afternoon my time. If something screwy happens, like there's no matches and the show has to go up on Tuesday then I'll bump HD back onto Saturday afternoon. Dig? From Cleveland, OH smh@bitches trynna speak like lebron>kobe also see,

word2blood,b, the show only went up a day late so in technical terms HD would only get pushed to Friday the 1st, wake up wake up its tha 1st of tha month, grab ya checks and come on. But, I'd be down with Saturday the 2nd, makes posting the show a lot easier for me. In fact, yes, the show will be the 2nd edit: I have reserved the mainevent on someone's behalf!

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * TV-MA L, V, and the dude posting the show is on hella cocaine right now PRESENTED IN HD Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! An epic, triumphant song welcomes us to a grainy black and white montage of royal/lethal rumble events long past. Between these flashbacks, are black and white interviews of superstars sitting against a black backdrop explaining the importance of winning the Lethal Rumble. We end with a final comment wishing the superstars good luck from Anglesault before we see this image: The first shot of live action is a bar inside the Phillips Arena loaded to capacity with OAOAST faithful. As the camera pans around them they go wild with excitement and joy, screaming their lungs out to be heard on live television. Sitting at the bar and beneath a sign that says ActionZone are... Maggie Nerdly! And... Josh Matthews! MAGGIE What's really good ya'll? Maggie Nerdly, Josh Matthews chilling on the scene here at the Mobile Action Zone! And I gotta say, Josh, ATL is the spot! JOSH Yes, it definitely is. A fine spot for women, wine, and adventure, all to be consumed quite liberally by a suave debonair gentlemen like myself. Tell me, common bar wench, what is on tap for tonight? MAGGIE What's on tap is a bad beat, if you ever call me common bar wench again. But, for those of you without vocabs trapped in the eighteenth century, this is show is just as hot as promised. We got the in ring return of The Lunar Phoenix James Cone... JOSH Let's not forget the debut of Jester. MAGGIE Yeah, man, I was getting to that. Getting. To. That. But now that you just went and laid it out, what about this Jester guy, huh? Pure, absolute freak. Real creepy guy, and no one I've done any talking to seems to know much about him. And if I'm gonna be honest with peeps, no one really wants to know much about him. He's the freakiest guy we've had around here in a while, and that's sayin a whole lot! What a weirdo. JOSH He seems to know a lot about Cone that much is certain, and he's made the former tag team champion's return to the OAOAST a very unpleasant one. MAGGIE You wanna talk about unpleasant, try sitting next to Faqu at a talent meeting after they serve chilli concarne at the buffet table. JOSH Your sister's Lone Star Gunslingers have a lot more to worry about then bad gas when they face Faqu and James Blonde for the One and Only World Tag Titles tonight. Although, Blonde and Faqu were eliminated early in the Anderson Cup, their strength and experience makes them a dangerous team for the young guns from Texas. MAGGIE Melody ain't sweatin it, but maybe she should. Faqu and Blonde are going to have Megan Skye in their corner, and she's done something Melody hasn't. Brush her teeth before she goes to bed, and manage a world champion. JOSH Pretty harsh. MAGGIE What's harsh about that? Just being objective. JOSH Another match pits three time 2007 Angle Award winner Theodore Moneymaker against six time 2007 Angle Award winner, Krista Isadora Duncan. But despite their gold mine of trophies, these two top superstars aren't fighting over gold, but something much more personal. This past week on HeldDOWN, Moneymaker revealed to the world that Krista had an illegitimate child who happens to be on this OAOAST roster. That's a first for professional wrestling! Trust me, I wouldn't lie! Moneymaker gained this knowledge from Mackenzie by way of Alix, who was bought off with the promise that Moneymaker would help finance her new CD. Since then the entire locker room has been wondering who the child is, with several people bothering Moneymaker to find out if its them. Actually, a lot more then several, its just about anyone under the age of thirty. MAGGIE They need to cut that crap out, 'cause I'm the child. Margret Nerdly-Duncan. Anyone with a brain can check that out. That explains why I always feel some kind of strong tug on the deepest parts of me whenever I'm near Krista. JOSH I as well feel a strong tug when I'm near Krista. MAGGIE I'm not talking about your sicko pocket pool, you tool, I'm talking about my mother! But, whatever, we're also going to see a major title unification match tonight between Stephen Joseph, Colombian Heat, and Felix Sturtter. Big time title match, maybe the biggest we've had in a long while! You gotta be mad excited about it. Personally, I think this match could go either way, there's no real clear cut favorite in this one. JOSH Numbers, Maggie, numbers. SJ has a large stable of lackeys and cronies assisting him. And the minute he calls they'll be rushing down the ramp in full force to aid him if the need comes up. The huge size of the Corporation makes it so Joseph can hold onto the title for as long as he can work them to his advantage. MAGGIE And the winner of that big time bout is gonna meet the winner of the Lethal Rumble at Anglemania in Los Angeles! This year's Rumble is mad stacked! We got former world champs, 24/7 champs, tag team champs, HI-YAH champs! If you're coming out of this rumble with the win, you're coming out because you earned it. JOSH You've got that right. So who are you picking? MAGGIE Gotta be that boy Bohemoth. Size, strength, skill, he's got every thing you want in a wrestler except an even tan. A little darker on his upper back for some reason. Bo keeps his cool at all times, so he's not going to get flustered or nervous if he nears elimination like some of the other guys. Its a tough grouping, but I bet he's coming out on top! JOSH Bohmeoth? Did Leon Rodez change his name to Bohemoth when I wasn't looking? MAGGIE Just because we're hooking up and stuff doesn't mean I just automatically have to pick him to win! JOSH I guess not now that you've basically admitted you're sleeping with other men. MAGGIE Cram it with walnuts, ugly! Quote the Simpsons. So who are you picking, smart ass? JOSH Give me Landon Maddix any day of the week! Here's a guy without any size, without any high impact striking, and who still wins rumble after rumble. He could probably eliminate six guys with his eyes closed. His ability to pull in victory in these things is uncanny! He should teach classes! MAGGIE We ain't got no love for PRL? JOSH The worst draw in the world, a million dollar bounty on his head, and various Corporation members scattered across the entries? Nope, no love for PRL. That man is in bad shape! He should've kept quiet, let SJ assume total leadership of the Lightening Crew, and just been a good little foot soldier. There's value in taking orders from the better man! Better luck next year, Puerto Rican. MAGGIE I think he might debate ya on that but we're not gonna know until we see it in action! Let's get to Anglepalooza! We're brought into the live arena where fireworks explode in front of roaring fans, the vast majority of whom hold their carefully decorated signs into the air. Once the flashy pyro that typifes an OAOAST event settles we're able to see the entrance stage which is little more then a MAMMOTH wall of video screens, most of which display the portraits of the Lethal Rumble competitors, while the rest show off the matchups for tonight's proceedings. Residing at sofa central is our trusted announce team, Double C! COLE Maggie, Josh, thank you for that fantastic introduction. Michael Cole sitting alongside the Coach, ready to call another edition of Anglepalooza. And aside from Anglemania this has to be my favorite event of the year. Bar none. COACH No doubt! The implications from Anglepalooza are huge! Huge! And if someone can get eliminate PRL their bank account is going to be huge! Huge! COLE That's true and its not if Tha Puerto Rican has many or any allies in the Rumble. Tonight, with his poor entry number, he's the very definition of the underdog. But who is the odds on favorite? Bohemoth as Maggie suggested? Landon like Josh said? Zack? Reject? Maybe, Theodore Moneymaker or even Biff Atlas. COACH No. Never. COLE Probably right. But we're getting way ahead of ourselves. Folks, we're going to kick things off with the return of James Cone to OAOAST action, but first let's here from the man himself. He's standing by with Tony Schiavone. Tony? Tony Schiavone, Black Widow and Lunar Phoenix against the ANGLEPALOOZA interview backdrop. Phoenix is more or less ring ready for his match later on, but he's now wearing a black shirt with a phoenix design across a full moon on it. Beneath the picture is: "BRING THE FIGHT AND BURN BRIGHT" in bold Impact Font. SCHIAVONE I'm here with James Cone, the Lunar Phoenix. After the heinous intrusion by Jester and his assistant, Miss Jobbs last week, are you ready to face the Crazy Clown down? Phoenix scowls at Schiavone and takes the mic away from him. PHOENIX Don't give that bastard any catchy, easily marketable nicknames, Schiavone. He's not gonna be around long enough for the shirt, for the action figure, for any of that. Tonight I'm gonna force him out for good. SCHIAVONE You sound like you're all business tonight. PHOENIX This is my first match back, Tony. My great return to the OAOAST ring. I was hoping it would be against a nobler opponent, but this is how it is. I've tangled with this guy before - his game hasn't changed. He tried to ride my name, my success the last time. He's nothing in himself; he has to latch on to someone else. He's a leech, and tonight I'm gonna burn him off the ass of this great promotion for good - Bring the fight, Tony. And burn bright. Phoenix tosses the mic back to Schiavone and leaves with Widow offering a proud, playful shrug as she follows. SCHIAVONE Well there it is, folks. Tonight, Spider-Poet, James Cone, now back with us as the Lunar Phoenix, returns to OAOAST action. We go back to the arena where the crowd eagerly anticipates the first match of the night.

groovy. well the show is up in HE, or will be in about two seconds, so you can always just tack on the rumble then.

(yes I know there arent 30 ppl!) BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen... it is now time... for the 2008 LETHAL RUMBLE MATCH!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER Now, here are the rules... Over walks Howard Finkel for his one OAOAST appearance a year, to run down the rules as only he can. COACH Do we really have to go through this every year? COLE Well, considering the rules seem to change every year, then yes. FINK Earlier today, those participating in the Lethal Rumble match drew numbers from 1-30 at random. In just a few moments, those men who drew numbers 1 and 2 will enter the ring, and the match will begin. Every two minutes thereafter, another participant enters the match, according to the number he pulled. Remember, in the Lethal Rumble, it is every man for himself! Elimination occurs when a participant is thrown out over the top rope, and BOTH FEET must touch the floor. The one man remaining in the ring after all 30 participants have entered, will be declared the winner, and will receive an OAOAST Championship match at ANGLEMANIA VII! “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” A lightning bolt hits the stage, sending a plume of smoke up into the air as "Know Your Role 2000" begins to play through the arena. The crowd rise to their feet as one as Tha Puerto Rican himself emerges through the smoke. Cracking out his neck and his knuckles, PRL takes a deep intake of breath before he begins to march to the ring with a determined look on his face. The camera cuts deep into the crowd, to a group of six fans clad in full PRL garb, all with ridiculously oversized comedy eyebrows over one eye and giving PR the thumbs up. BUFFER Introducing at this time, he is the man ASSIGNED the number 1 position in this year's Lethal Rumble. Competing in his fifth successive Lethal Rumble Match! He hails from San Juan, Puerto Rico! One half of the BAD BOYZ... "THE P.R MENACE!!"... ladies and gentlemen, he is... THA PPPUUUUUUEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRTTOOOOOOOOOOOO... RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tha Puerto Rican has another moment to himself to psyche himself up before he marches up the steps, scaling the turnbuckles on the outside and saluting his fans. COLE Last year PRL made it down to the final three. But he faces perhaps the fight of his life here tonight in order to match and he will hope better that accomplishment. Not only has Stephen Joseph Popick used his Corporate Connections to make sure PR starts the match off as the number one entrant, but he's also convinced Vitamin X to part with one million dollars of his money by way of a bounty on the head of Tha Puerto Rican! COACH And remember a couple of years ago, when Zack Malibu had the bounty on his head? Did he win the Lethal Rumble? COLE No he did not. COACH Exactly. And that wasn't half the reward that's on offer to twenty nine superstars this time around! Let's face it, when Popick wants something done, he does it right. Just like his acquisition of The Lightning Crew and transformation into the SJPC, he's got his bases covered when it comes to keeping PRL out of the World Title picture! Scaling another set of turnbuckles, PRL smells the electricity in the Philips Arena. Jumping off the turnbuckles, PRL tosses his sunglasses and jacket aside, readying himself for battle. COLE Tha Puerto Rican with the deck stacked firmly against him. But you know what they say about a cornered animal being at it's most dangerous. The number one slot, the bounty, the heavy involvement of Corporate members... they might just end up empowering PRL here tonight! BUFFER And now, introducing the man who drew number two! A buzz cuts through the arena, as for a moment there's silence. PR's eyes are locked on the entrance way as he crouches down, waving the number two man on. COACH C'mon, Corp, Corp, Corp... "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment?" COACH Oh-ho... even BETTER!! "Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." "Punishment" by BIOHAZARD powers out, as does Brock Ausstin with a cold look on his face. Brock does the 'Happy Happy Hoss Dance' in the aisle before heading right for a dejected PRL. BUFFER From Victoria, Minnessota... tonight, making his SIXTH consecutive Lethal Rumble appearance... "THE CURRENT BIG THING" in professional sports... BBRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOCK... AAAAAUUUUUUUSSSSSSSTTIIIIIIIIIIIINN!!!! COLE Brock, a real Lethal Rumble veteran! He reached the final five in both 04 and 06! And in the past two years, he's eliminated a total of six men! COACH You're not going to be like this all night, are you? In one impressive leap, Brock jumps from the arena floor to the ring apron... but as soon as he steps inside the ring, he gets jumped by PRL!! *DINGDINGDING!* Realising he has to act and act quickly, PRL clubs away on Brock before he knows what's hit him. Forearm after forearm rains down on Brock, only stopped for the occassional kick to the ribs to go with it. That is until Brock suddenly muscles up and picks PRL over his shoulder, charging him back into a corner with a ring shaking shoulder drive!! COLE No surprise, Brock Ausstin coming out here in top gear. No holding back, no worries of conserving energy for later on. COACH And he's got two minutes, just him and PRL. Two minutes to bag himself a cool million! Trapped in the corner, PRL is too winded to do much except try and choke Brock out with a front facelock. Brock simply shrugs PR off though, before driving his shoulder into the ribs! And again! A third time, PRL falling against the bottom turnbuckle as Brock backs away doing his Happy Happy Hoss Dance again! "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" Sucking wind, Tha Puerto Rican uses the ropes to pull him up but soon regrets doing so as Brock comes charging back in with a clothesline to flatten him again. COLE Brock, 290 pounds of pure power! COACH Okay, calm down JR. COLE Brock pulls Tha Puerto Rican back to his feet. The moment he fills a hand sink around his neck though, PRL goes deadweight to the canvas refusing to be thrown over the top. Brock doesn't seem too concerned and nails PRL with a right hand. Away crawls Tha Puerto Rican into a corner, possibly luring Brock in as he catches him with a shot to the gut as he approaches. PRL then unloads with a succession of Rock style punches, the crowd roaring him on as he starts to back Brock up, step by step, getting him into the middle of the ring before kissin' the left... BLOCKED, Brock catching the arm and then scything PRL down with an STO!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" The Current Big Thing pulls himself back up and stomps away, while the Lethal Rumble Countdown begins in earnest for the first time. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" COLE We're about to get our third entrant here. "SEVEN!" "SIX!" Brock seems happy to bide his time now, picking PRL up only to drop him with another right hand. "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* A collective groan goes up as "Money Talks" hits and The Enterprise's CEO himself, Theodore Moneymaker, makes his second appearance of the night. COLE No wonder Moneymaker didn't look happy earlier on! COACH That's okay. It just gives him more of a chance to become even richer by eliminating PRL! Not that he needs it of course, but as the song says, Money Talks! The Billion Dollar Heir takes his time getting to the ring, watching the action in the ring carefully. Brock glances his way and Moneymaker waves for him to "carry on" while he slowly takes off his smoking jacket on the outside. COLE Now, Moneymaker had a match how long ago? Did he really need the jacket? COACH Spoke like a man with a distinct lack of class. As Moneymaker finally removes his entrance garb and walks up the steps, Brock has just whipped PRL into a corner and catches him bouncing out with a shoulder block. Brock then turns and makes a move towards Moneymaker, but the quick thinking Billion Dollar Heir backtracks around the ring, giving Brock the "money fingers" as he stalks after him. It doesn't take Brock long to get the message, especially when Moneymaker catches PRL coming off the mat, pinning his arms behind his back to give Ausstin a free shot. Which he takes. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Haha! Brilliant Teddy, brilliant. COLE Didn't take Theodore Moneymaker long to make friends in his first Lethal Rumble. COACH That's the power of money in full display right there. Moneymaker spins PRL around once Brock's had his shots, dropping The PR Menace with a hard uppercut. Turning to the crowd, Teddy then makes the "money fingers" taunt again with a braying laugh. Looking dazed, Tha Puerto Rican sits up but gets an elbow to the back of the head from Brock. Ausstin drops to a knee and locks on a front chancre, wearing PRL out yet further. As he does this though, Moneymaker walks around gloating... and suddenly RAKES BROCK'S FACE!! COACH Oh no Teddy, why!? MONEYMAKER THAT'S RIGHT! YOU STUPID PEONS BETTER REALISE, I'M THE MAN, I'M THE ONLY WINNE... Suddenly trailing off, Moneymaker realises Brock is stalking behind him and slowly turns around. His attempts to reason with Brock and remind him of the 'money' fail this time. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Realising his hope of reasoning with Brock is lost, he chops him. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Again! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third time. Brock just stands there and flexes his pecs, clearly not affected. So Teddy does the only thing he can... drops to his knees and begs for his life! COLE Oh yeah! Let's see where your money gets you now! By Moneymaker's curled locks Brock picks him up to his feet, punching the begging billionaire right in the face! Another punch lands. And a third, Brock then whipping Moneymaker into a corner. Brock follows after him with a big clothesline, sending spit flying into the seventh row on impact!! Teddy falls forward, held up by Brock, who pushes him back against the turnbuckles for some more shoulder charges, buried into the gut of Theodore and leaving him gasping for breath. Another irish whip sends Moneymaker corner to corner, Brock following in... and eating a raised knee from the resourceful Moneymaker! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As soon as the relieved Teddy brushes past Brock and exits the corner though, he walks right into a Puerto Rican clothesline! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Man, big knockdown by PRL. And look at this, going straight after Ausstin! With a grip around the tree trunk like thigh of Brock Ausstin, PR starts to try and muscle him of the mat and towards a possible elimination. He gets Brock to his feet and starts to tip him against the ropes, having trouble actually lifting him up at this point however. Meanwhile, the Lethal Rumble clock ticks it's way down again... "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" PRL continues to try and muscle up Brock in this time. Getting to his feet, Moneymaker nurses his jaw and a bruised ego, but all the same realises the big threat and lends PRL a hand! "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" Once he realises they're getting nowhere fast though, Moneymaker turns around and pops PRL with a right hand... *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* ...and the smile returns to his face, as Jay Z's "Success" hits. COACH And this is great news for Theodore Moneymaker. CPA, in at #4! The Director Of Security for The Enterprise slowly makes his way to the ring, picking up a little speed once he sees Moneymaker laying the leather in on Brock Aussin. He hits the ring just as Brock starts fighting back with body shots, blindsighting Brock with a double axehandle to the back. COLE Well, as we said Theodore didn't look too pleased with his and CPA's draw earlier on. But although on paper #3 and #4 isn't great, with numbers so close together it could turn out to be a real stroke of luck, because it allows them to work together on the rest of the field. COACH Brilliant strategy, as always, from The Enterprise. COLE How is it 'brilliant strategy'!? They picked the number out of a tumbler at random! CPA and Moneymaker work over Brock, before Moneymaker peels away to catch PRL. A boot to the gut cuts him off and allows Moneymaker to turn around and throw him over the top... but Tha Puerto Rican grabs the top rope on the way towards them! With PRL hanging across the top, Moneymaker tries a couple of times to force him the rest of the way over, but to no avail as PRL kicks his feet back to safety. Teddy doesn't dwell on the disappointment for long though, pressing PR's throat against the middle rope and choking away. Behind him meanwhile, CPA starts to try and force Brock up and out. Moneymaker eventually spots this and comes over to help out his employee. COLE They've got Brock teetering here. Desperately hanging on, Brock is eventually saved by PRL who walks up and DOUBLE NOGGIN' KNOCKERS Moneymaker and CPA! COACH Now why did he do that!? COLE Well if Brock goes now, that leaves PRL alone with The Enterprise which wouldn't be a great situation to be in. In any walk of life. With his pick of three, PRL goes after the fresh man CPA with some kicks. Backing him into a corner PRL changes up to punches until he gets shoved away by the ex-boxer. Tha Puerto Rican rolls right through though, before catching CPA coming out of the corner with a standing dropkick. Moneymaker has Brock pounding away on him in the corner now as well. And he staggers out of the corner, walking into an Overhead Belly To Belly sending him flying across the ring! Both Enterprise members are down... at which point, Brock turns his attentions back to PRL, spinning him around and lifting him up for thr F-STUNNER-5! COACH YES! YES, DO IT! DO IT YOU BAH GAWD HOSS YOU! Tha Puerto Rican squirms around like a madman though, until he manages to slide off the shoulder and down the back! Brock turns around with a big swing of the arm. PRL ducks though, sweeping Brock's legs and putting the spine on the pine in the middle of the ring! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE We're not wasting any time tonight Coach! It looks like it may be time! COACH This is ridiculous, does he really have to do this in the middle of the Lethal Rumble of all places? PRL removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down onto Ausstin's face. He then does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Brock, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. S l o w i n g down, PRL then taunts Brock with his own interpretation of the 'Happy Happy Hoss Dance' before he drops The Puerto Rico Elbow to a big pop from the crowd! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Here comes the Puerto Rican pain! Up jumps Tha Puerto Rican. But he doesn't have too much time to celebrate, as Theodore Moneymaker and CPA suddenly dive out from the proverbial weeds and pounce on PRL now that his theatrics are over with. COLE We're winding down again! Two men have won from #5 in the past, will this man be able to make it three? "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE OH MY GOD! Atlanta truly becomes HOTlanta as there's a positive eruption for BOHEMOTH! COLE One of the odds-on favourites, a man on a real hot streak! The Meterosexual Monster jogs to the ring, prompting Moneymaker to pull CPA off of PRL and get him ready to meet the fellow bigman. COLE The roof has blown off of this place! And the ring may get blown apart any second! Sliding in, Bo gets to his feet just in time to meet CPA, stunning him with a right hand. Bo quickly drops Moneymaker with a big right. A shot to the back of PRL. A right hand for Brock, sending him staggering into a corner. In rushes CPA with his hands clenched for a double axehandle, but he runs into a boot to the gut. Bo then unloads on the Directory Of Security with right after right until Allen is out on his feet, a quick shove in the chest creating space for Bohemoth to take a step back and knock CPA down with a clothesline!! COACH Woah! COLE Down goes CPA, Bohemoth is rolling! As Bo fires up, Brock comes charging at him but suffers the same fate as CPA, clotheslined to the canvas. Unlike CPA though, Brock is immediately hauled back up and pitched by the head, over the top... and to the apron only, Brock able to save himself on the way over! COLE A close call for Brock, he's a big, powerful guy but he's also got the agility and athleticism to catch himself like that and avoid an elimination. Bohemoth seems unaware of Brock's save, as he picks a new target. Picking himself up, around staggers PRL, unaware of what's waiting behind him as he gets goozled by The Meterosexual Monster!! Suddenly the crowd don't know what to do, a good proportion going from roaring Bohemoth on to screaming at him not to do it... as he gorilla presses Tha Puerto Rican high over his head! COLE Bohemoth's got PRL! COACH YES! THROW HIM! COLE This is about the bounty, this is about AngleMania VII! COACH Throw him out Bo, what loyalty do you have to him!? None! None at all! Whether Bo was planning to throw PRL just down or down and out we'll never know however, as over sneaks Theodore Moneymaker to kick Bohemoth right in the back of the knee! Bohemoth crumbles and PRL comes down hard next to him, as Moneymaker stomps away at whatever he can get his feet to. COACH Ah, Tha Puerto Rican dodged a real bullet right there. He was gone and he knew it! Moneymaker leaves Bo and PRL in order to take care of his security, or more specifically his Director Of Security as he helps him back to his feet. No orders needed, the raging Allen marching over and putting a beatdown on Bohemoth while Moneymaker quickly jabs Brock in the throat with his palm before going back over to Tha Puerto Rican. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* *KA-CHING~!* *Come and take your Vitamin X.* "Bling-Bling" by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing and the first Corporation entrant of the 2008 Lethal Rumble, Vitamin X, runs out to boos. COACH Alright! Here comes the man who's going to eliminate PRL, and that's a money back guarantee, HAHA! X slides in and quickly avoids contact with Brock Ausstin. Instead he rushes over to Theodore Moneymaker, who doesn't take too much convincing to hand over control of PRL to instead help out CPA in his attack on Bohemoth. COLE Well, judging by my stopwatch Vitamin X has already fared better than he did last year. COACH Oh don't bring that up! Prince Vitamin stomps away on his former mentor, unsurprisingly badmouthing PRL in the process. As Moneymaker and CPA disappear off with Bohemoth in tow, with clear intention to throw him out across the ring, X then pulls PRL up. With an MMA style clinch X holds PRL in place while he drives a trio of hard knees into his midsection. X then releases the clinch and insultingly SLAPS Tha Puerto Rican in the back of the head... which could prove a mistake, as it fuels PRL into spearing Vitamin X down and mounting him with some lefts and rights! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" As X cowers and tries to cover up under the attack, Bohemoth is suddenly hoisted up across the top turnbuckle to screams from the Atlanta fans! COLE Look out, Bohemoth is on the verge right now... as PRL continues to wail away on Vitamin X! Wrapping his arms around the top ring rope, Bohemoth refuses to go over despite the combined efforts of CPA and Theodore Moneymaker. Re-entering the mix now is Brock Ausstin, grabbing a hold of PRL as he simply chokes the life out of Vitamin X. Brock gutwrenches PRL and picks him up onto his shoulder, rotating 180, before drilling him into the canvas with a brutal Powerbomb! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" As a spluttering Vitamin X looks up to the heavens and thanks the big man upstairs for saving him, the bigman downstairs known as Brock Ausstin gives him something to be less thankful about, grabbing hold of X's legs and deadlifting him off his back... into a Powerbomb of his very own!! COLE Good lord what power! COACH No kidding. With Bohemoth coming in, I think everybody forgot about Brock... big mistake! Bohemoth picks this point to save himself, reaching out and punching CPA in the head with a free hand. Moneymaker keeps the pressure on as Bo comes back to safe ground though, leaving Brock to take over on CPA, while the Lethal Rumble countdown winds on in the background... "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" COLE This is entrant number seven... *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits, a loud screech of female approval accompanying out "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant of D*LUX! Jade Rodez leads her man out, leaving him with some last words of advice halfway to the ring before he sprints into the fray. COLE Another Lethal Rumble debutant, one third of the Six Man Tag Team Champions, Tyler Bryant! COACH And he's in there with the big boys right now, literally and figuratively. Tyler pops to his feet and heads straight after Theodore Moneymaker, no surprise there. Understanding the issue, Bohemoth steps aside and lets Tyler UNLOAD on a shocked Moneymaker with furious right hands in the corner! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" With the fans going wild for that, Bohemoth looks around for another fight and decides to interject himself into CPA and Brock's slugfest. As punches go back and forth, a makeshift team forms between Brock and Bo against Allen. In the other corner, Tyler sends Moneymaker scurrying for cover, following him across the ring and ramming his head into the top turnbuckle opposite. COLE He's paying for his sins right now. Maybe after the crap he pulled on Thursday night it wasn't too wise for Theodore Moneymaker to step into a match with 29 other members of the OAOAST roster. COACH You're dead wrong Michael. It's 28. CPA is still in there. COLE Of course, how silly of me. Picking themselves up, PRL and Vitamin X unsurprisingly go back after each other with a little less venom than before after their respective powerbombs. PRL is landing all the punches though and has Vitamin X regretting some of his recent actions no doubt. After a succession of lefts, X gets desperate and grabs onto the waistband of PRL's tights and drags him through the ropes and to the floor! Some of the dumber fans shout out for a second thinking PR is gone, but are soon laughed down while 'Prince Vitamin' follows after PRL despite the protests of the referees around the ring. COLE PRL went through the ropes and not over the top, he's not eliminated. And neither is Vitamin X. COACH Yeah, let's get our priorities straight for the people! Back in the ring, a thumb to the eye frees Theodore Moneymaker from Tyler Bryant's attentions. He quickly gets away and backs into a neutral corner, watching on as Brock suddenly wheels Bohemoth around and lifts him up onto the shoulders. Caught by surprise, Bohemoth gets spun into the F-STUNNER-5~!!1!!!1 dead centre in the middle of the ring!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Brock lets out a cry of dominance, Tyler Bryant finding himself next in his crosshairs. As Brock charges him however, Tyler manages to sidestep, Brock's attempted shoulder charge taking him shoulder first into the middle turnbuckle! Moneymaker decides the coast is clear and he and CPA quickly drag Bohemoth off the canvas, moving him over to the ropes and attempting to throw him out! "TEN!" "NINE!" COLE We're winding down again and Bohemoth is in trouble! "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" As Bohemoth clings on for dear life, Tyler rushes at Brock and cracks him in the back of the head with the Shining Enziguri! "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" Brock is clearly dazed but doesn't really go 'down'. Neither too is Bohemoth just yet, but now only one leg hangs in the ring and he is perilously close to being dumped. "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Getting Away With Murder" hits and a HUGE cheer goes up for last year's winner, ZACK MALIBU, sprinting at full speed towards the ring!! COLE You better believe business has picked up!! Sliding headlong into the ring, Zack shrugs off Brock... *SMACK!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...and KOs Tyler Bryant with SCHOOL'S OUT!!! COLE That's one! Zack quickly runs across the ring and pulls in Theodore Moneymaker, unloading on him with a blitz of right hands to the delight of the Atlanta crowd! This also allows Bohemoth to right himself back into the ring, turning around and slugging CPA in the face. Moneymaker is reeling all over the place, as Brock Ausstin suddenly sprints across the ring, catching Bohemoth as he turns around... NO, Bohemoth ducks his head and backdrops Brock over the top and to the floor!! COLE There goes our first elimination! Brock Ausstin got caught with his hand in the cookie jar! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BROCK AUSSTIN Entered: 2nd Left: 1st Time of participation: 12:36 Eliminated: None Eliminated by: Bohemoth Left in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, Theodore Moneymaker, CPA, Bohemoth, Tyler Bryant, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Turning his attentions, Bohemoth picks up the lifeless Tyler Bryant from beneath his feet. Across the ring Theodore Moneymaker has suddenly got Zack in trouble as he locks him in the BANK VAULT! But Zack uses momentum to his advantage, rushing towards the turnbuckles and ducking his head to send Moneymaker face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! COLE This is chaos now, we've got action all over the ring, action OUTSIDE the ring... By the hair and the seat of his pants, Bohemoth walks Tyler around the ring, picking his side before hurling him high up and over the top!! COACH Bodies are flying! As soon as Tyler hits the ringside pads, he's joined on the other side of the ring by Theodore Moneymaker, clotheslined up and OUT by Zack to a roar of approval! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And there goes another!! There may not be a more popular elimination all night than that one, Theodore Moneymaker, gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TYLER BRYANT ENTERED: 7th LEFT: 2nd TIME IN RING: 2:49 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Bohemoth ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THEODORE MONEYMAKER ENTERED: 2nd LEFT: 3rd TIME IN RING: 10:51 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Zack Malibu Left in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, CPA, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With PRL and Vitamin X brawling into the CROWD now with a referee in tow, we are left with just three actually in the confines of the ring. Bohemoth stands back as he sees Zack Malibu loading up the boot. Stomps ring out through the rest of the arena as Zack measures CPA, busy talking to Theodore Moneymaker from inside the ring. COACH Oh no, turn around, turn around! Giving the same exact message, Moneymaker finally gets CPA to do just that... *SMACK!!* ...and ends up with CPA dumped on top of him, courtesy of some SCHOOL'S OUT action!! COLE Unbelievable! CPA is gone, which leaves us with... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CPA ENTERED: 4th LEFT: 4th TIME IN RING: 9:19 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Zack Malibu Left in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hands on hips, Bohemoth waits for Zack to quit playing around with the fans and turn around. The moment he does a roar goes up, as Zack realises the ring is clear but for his old buddy Bohemoth. With PRL and Vitamin X still off in the distance doing battle, the showdown everybody wanted to see is about to happen as Bo and Zack square up to each other. "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "BO!" "ZACK!" "BO!" "ZACK!" Those fans that aren't busy avoiding getting in PRL and Vitamin X's way are split roughly 50/50 between the two popular superstars. Finally, Zack is the first to strike... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...cracking Bohemoth with a knifedge chop. A right hand from Bo soon convinces Zack not to try that again though, going low and shooting for the legs. Bohemoth is marched back into a corner but as soon as Zack goes to lift him, Bo reaches down and strikes Malibu with a hard shot to the ribs. Away retreats Zack, giving himself a moment to catch his breath before leaping up and catching Bohemoth coming towards him with a jumping forearm smash. COLE Man, I almost don't know what to say here! COACH That's a good thing. COLE Well I'll say this, we're under ten seconds before someone else joins this battle! Zack continues to throw the forearms from underneath, until a knee catches him back in the ribs again. Scooping Zack up, Bohemoth attempts a slam, possibly even an elimination, but Zack escapes down the back and executes a Russian Legsweep! "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAHHHHAAAHAAAHHHHHAAHH..." "OOOHHHOOOHOOOHHHHOOOOOHHHHOOOOHHHH..." *VVWWWWWOOOOSSHHHHHH!* Two giant WIND MACHINES are suddenly wheeled out in front of the stage and slammed on, drowning out "The Earth Song", almost knocking poor Theodore Moneymaker off his feet as he skulks off backstage and pushing against the entering Biff Atlas!! COLE You have got to be kidding me. Picking themselves off the mat, Zack and Bohemoth are both distracted by the sound of the wind turbines and don't instantly go back after each other. Zack instead watches on in bemusement as the OAOAST's Environmental Activist Biff Atlas slides into the ring, immediately zeroing in on Zack and attacking him with right hands! COLE Uh... anyway... Biff Atlas, in his first Lethal Rumble. And I don't think we've ever seen an entrance quite like that before in the Lethal Rumble. COACH No doubt, that was some hot shit right there. Zack soon fights off the former member of NRG, ducking a wild clothesline attempt and popping him with a German Suplex! Looking down at Biff, Zack then just throws his hands aside and goes back after Bohemoth. The bigman catches him coming though and scoops him up into his arms, at first seemingly for an Erotic Awakening, but then for an elimination as he turns towards the ropes! Zack grabs hold of the top rope and clings on for all he's worth while Bo digs in trying to get some traction to muscle Zack out. COLE The reigning champion is in trouble! COACH They're both in trouble in this position. Look at Biff! Spotting his ultimate chance, Biff Atlas shakes his head around to check he's not seeing things after that German, before rushing across the ring and grabbing onto Bohemoth's leg... ...and not moving him any more than a couple of inches. COLE Oh dear. Bohemoth rolls his eyes, dropping Zack who rolls out of the way while Biff continues to try and deadlift Bohemoth. Reaching down, Bohemoth pulls Biff off of him and upright... leans back and SLAMS the flat of his boot into his face, all with the same, nonchalant facial expression! COACH OH! UNCOOL! COLE Three words. Ho. Ly. Crap. As Biff looks up at the lights, Bohemoth looks over to Zack and mouths the words "do you mind?". Zack just shrugs and tells him to go ahead. So he does, peeling Biff off the mat and flipping him out to the floor. COLE Biff just got dumped like yesterday's garbage. Recycled, one would assume. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BIFF ATLAS ENTERED: 9th LEFT: 5th TIME IN RING: 1:14 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Bohemoth Left in ring: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With that distraction behind us, it's back to Zack and Bo. A little more cagey now the two inch towards each other trying to time their next move a little more wisely. After a few fakes Zack shoots low for a leg again. Bohemoth manages to grab the head, but Zack torques on the knee to take the 6'7, 284 pounder down to the canvas. As this is going on, the camera cuts into the audience where all the noise is coming from, the fans cheering on PRL as he grabs a cup of beer from a fan and smashes it into the face of Prince Vitamin! Drenched, X picks his way through the fans trying to get away, with PRL hot on his tail. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" COLE And with the entry of number ten, we'll be a third of the way through this year's Lethal Rumble! "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Here comes my pick! As "Megalomaniac" blares through the arena, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix strolls out with a typical confident smile on his face. The leader of the new Cucaracha Internacional poses his way down the aisle, as in the ring Zack and Bo continue to battle for control. COLE Last year's runner-up, the two-time winner of the SWF's Clusterfuck... and he's in no hurry to get into that ring with Zack Malibu and Bohemoth for company. COACH And why should he be? Look what happened to Biff. Landon reaches ringside and stares on as Zack applies a leglock on the mat. Having heard the buzzer, Zack is on his guard and looks out for the next entrant, locking eyes with Landon as he stalls for time on the outside. Zack dares him to come and join the party... and the distraction allows Bohemoth to kick him in the chest with his free leg! Away rolls Malibu, while Bo hobbles up, cheered on from the outside by Maddix who tells him he's doing "a great job". COLE When Landon finally gets into the ring, we're going to have three of the odds-on favourites in there, not to mention another one brawling somewhere in the crowd and officially still in this match. COACH And let's not forget PRL either! COLE I was referring to PRL. COACH Then what about Vitamin X? COLE I wouldn't call him an 'odds-on favourite'. Although if he spends much more time running around this arena with his tail between his legs, I might just have to change my opinion! Backed up in the corner, Zack is subjected to some shoulder charges from the bigman Bohemoth. This allows Landon Maddix to slide unnoticed into the ring, standing and waiting for Bo to turn around before encouraging him to whip Zack towards him. But when Bohemoth instead starts to walk towards him with fists balled, Landon promptly bails out of the ring and asks for some more preparation time. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Bohemoth goes back after Zack, pulling him out of the corner and setting him for a running powerslam. As he charges across the ring though Bo loses his grip on The Franchise, who escapes out the back door and grabs a waistlock, looking for a German on the big guy! Bohemoth breaks the fingers apart and turns behind Zack, throwing him into the ropes. Underneath a clothesline goes Zack though, springing up off the middle rope and twisting into a crossbody to take Bohemoth down! COLE Great move by Zack. COACH But it's not going to eliminate someone. If anything, it's going to risk you tumbling ass overhead and looking like an idiot when you hit the floor. As Zack starts to pull himself up, Landon picks his spot as he dives into the ring and boots Zack in the back of the head! The kicks keep on coming, until Bohemoth starts to pick himself up. Landon spots him too late and eats a big right hand, knocking him for a loop and sending him scurrying for the safety of the bottom rope. That allows Bo to go back to work on Zack, as the countdown winds down once more... "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!" Proclaiming victory before he's barely through the curtain, Synth Esizer leads The Heavenly Rockers' charge in the Lethal Rumble. COACH The hits just keep on coming! In slides Synth, his confidence taking a huge dent the moment Bohemoth's fist pops him in the mouth I'm sure! Synth pops right back up to take the fight to Bo though, even if he doesn't fare so well. COLE And this is Synth's first Lethal Rumble, believe it or not. He was supposed to enter back in 2006 of course but got jumped on his way to the ring by Reject and was unable to take any further part. He's in this year though, to the delight of... well, few. COACH You're an ass, you know that? As Bohemoth works away on Synth, Maddix emerges from the corner and picks up where Bo had left off on Zack. Picking Zack up, Landon snapmares him right back down to the canvas and kicks him HARD in the base of the spine! Around writhes Zack... even more so when a second kick lands. Bohemoth has Synth in trouble in the corner by now. Spotting this, Maddix jumps onto the middle rope behind Bo and gouges away at the eyes while Synth pulls himself back inside. *THUD!* COLE Well, there's Vitamin X. Having been hurled over the barricade, X lands with the above thud on the arena floor with PRL climbing over the barrier after him. Still referee Mike Chioda is desperately trying to convince them both to get back into the ring, PRL threatening to take a backhand swipe at him to send him scurrying for cover. COLE Vitamin X is carrying the can for the Corporation right now. He put the bounty on the head of Tha Puerto Rican, I wonder if this beating is going to be worth the $1,000,000? COACH It will be, so long as PRL is eliminated. That's all that matters. COLE That's a little short-sighted from Popick's point of view though, surely? He should be worried about whoever it is that wins the Rumble, no matter who that may be. COACH And he will. Once PRL is gone. As PRL stalks X on the floor, in the ring Landon has Bohemoth tied up, allowing Synth to take some free shots. Landon follows them up with a straight kick to the chest which echoes around the arena. Smugly Maddix poses with arms outstretched, Synth also playing to the crowd... both taking their eye off the ball and paying for it, as Zack charges from behind and grabs them both by the hair, pitching them over the top... AND TO THE APRON, both Landon and Synth able to save themselves by the skins of their teeth!! Certainly a close call though. Zack quickly stomps Maddix in an attempt to knock him to the floor on the second attempt, but Landon is judged safely back by the referees on the floor. As Synth climbs back in, Bohemoth clubs him with a right hand. And in the background to all this, Vitamin X is finally thrown back into the ring by PRL, only to catch PR sliding in with a cheapshot to the back of the head! "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits, bringing out one half of the World Tag Team Champions, Baron Windels! COLE Here comes a hot slice of Texan right here! COACH I... yeah. In slides Baron, attempting to make a beeline for Synth but getting sidetracked by Vitamin X dodging past him. The man he was dodging from, PRL, attempts to do the same. But Baron lays him out with a right hand as soon as he gets near him. PRL sits up dazed and Baron moves on to the next target, allowing Prince Vitamin to pounce on PR and choke at him with his bare hands. COLE Baron was in action earlier on and along with Jock Mulligan, retained possession of the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles. Will pulling double duty tonight have an effect on him though? Baron comes to the accidental rescue of Landon Maddix, as he clubs Zack in the back with a forearm. A right hand then clubs Landon anyway, before Baron tries to get underneath Zack and tip him out of the Rumble. Shaking out the cobwebs, Landon decides to try and tip Baron in response, which puts both the Gunslinger and The Franchise in a precarious position over the ropes! Across the ring, Synth rears back with a right hand across the bridge of the nose that has Bohemoth staggering backwards. But as he charges at Bohemoth, the bigman launches Synth skywards and lets him to fall to the mat with a Flapjack! COLE Synth was in the lights right there! Faced with the sight of Zack and Baron teetering at the hands of Landon, Bohemoth looks unsure of what to do. So he settles instead for Vitamin X, grabbing him by the collar and causing him to freak out. COACH Oh no! COLE There's a lot of history here! Vitamin X was responsible for putting Bohemoth out of commission back at School's Out in Hell In A Cell! COACH A few months ago you were blaming PR! Stop changing your mind... X was just following orders, he... he didn't know better... please put him down! Bohemoth obliges, putting X down, down into the mat with a Front SPINEBUSTER~! The X-Man's head bounces off the mat and he rolls around, while Bohemoth now picks up PRL. COLE I don't think Bohemoth's waiting to hear sides of the story. He's condemning them both to guilt. As Bohemoth pulls Tha Puerto Rican up though, PRL gets a sudden second wind. Jumping out of Bohemoth's grasp, he spins around, catching the head and hitting the Lightning Strike on the bigman! A mixed reaction goes up as PRL weakly sits up and looks pleased with himself. COLE PRL has been in... well, I say 'in', he's spent a while brawling around the arena too... but he's been alive in this Lethal Rumble for over twenty minutes now. And he's going to need to call on all of his reserves to make it to the end. Over in the corner, Baron and Zack have staved off elimination for the moment and Landon is sent to the canvas off a Cowboy Bebop elbow from the big Texan. Synth rushes over and blindsights Baron a second later. But his attack on his arch rival is cut off by Zack Malibu, pulling Synth away and attempting to dump him out of the Rumble! Synth gets his foot hooked around the bottom rope and hangs on, as we count down again... "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* Once again the crowd are on their feet, as "Rock The Casbah" strikes up and out jogs Leon Rodez! COLE A great reaction for Leon Rodez, in at number thirteen! Will this be the year Leon finally makes the next step and challenges for the World Title? Into the ring comes Leon, met on entry by PRL. Immediately they launch at each other with a high tempo exchange of right hands in the centre of the ring that has the fans going crazy! Landon walks over to get involved but a right hand fells him, before Leon suddenly moves forward on PRL and looks for an irish whip. A reversal from Tha Puerto Rican sends Rodez in instead, but a drop of the head is mis-timed, allowing Rodez to put on the brakes and take PRL overhead with an Exploder Suplex! COLE That's going to do PRL no favours. Leon climbs back up, knocking Landon down with another right hand and shrugging as if to say 'keep walking into me and I'm gonna keep punching you, genius'. Leon then spots Zack still trying to eliminate Synth Esizer and rushes over to help his sometimes tag partner out. COLE The ring beginning to fill up a little again now. And a lot of big names, potential AngleMania main-eventers for sure, in there. COACH No doubt. You've got two former World Champions, two guys like Bohemoth and PRL who've been challenging for a while now, a guy like Leon who's got the potential to step up... and Prince Vitamin! Still Synth is hanging on, as Baron grabs a hold of Landon and reels him in by the arm. A boot to the gut doubles him up, setting him up for an irish whip... sending him into Vitamin X, who having just pulled himself up in the corner gets sandwiched against the turnbuckles. Synth finally escapes the attentions of The (former?) Usual Suspects behind Baron and weaves away, catching Baron moving in on Maddix and Vitamin X and chopblocking his right knee out from underneath him! With Synth down to attack the knee of Baron, Landon goes backwards, cracking Vitamin X with an elbow to the jaw and dropping him in the turnbuckles. COACH Woah woah, look at this! Zack and Leon! Attention turns to the good friends who have gotten into the every man for himself spirit of the Lethal Rumble and are suddenly grappling against the ropes, trying to get an elimination on one another. COLE There are no friends in the Lethal Rumble. COACH Yeah, especially not when one of them got beat a couple of weeks ago by the other! COLE Keep reaching Coach. Landon stomps away on Bohemoth as he tries to get to his feet, wisely realising it'd be smart to keep the biggest man in the match down. Next to him Synth is working over the knee of Baron Windels still, La Cucaracha happy to leave him to it as he now chokes Bo against the bottom rope. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" COLE We will have nine men in the ring, the most we've had so far, in under ten. "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!" Flying out of the traps comes the second member of The Heavenly Rockers, Logan Mann! Trailing behind him is Holly-Wood, with no intentions of turning back. COLE Here comes some help for Synth, although he's looking pretty good right now. Maybe it's for that reason that Logan first goes after Zack and Leon. He slides in and works over the midsection of Malibu with his patented jabs, before taking Leon over into a corner and throwing him face-first into the top turnbuckle. COACH Man, Logan looks fired up tonight. He's taking everything that moves, kinda like a night on the Heavenly Rocker tour bus! COLE Or so you've heard. COACH Hey, Da Coach is the only guy under 60 with a bus pass, if you know what I'm saying! Now Logan searches out his partner, Synth Esizer with a hold of the leg of Baron Windels. Logan dives from across the ring with an elbow drop to the inside of the knee, before exchanging a double high-five with his tag team partner. After some quick consultation, The Heavenly Rockers pick up the hobbling Baron and shoot him into the ropes with a double irish whip. But Logan and Synth duck their heads and pay for it, in a big way, with a Double DDT from the Tag Team Champion!! Holly-Wood, who has refused to leave and is staying at ringside, holds her head in shock. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE A little bit of Percussion treatment for The Heavenly Rockers! And Holly looks on in despair... I thought managers were barred from ringside this year? COACH She's not a manager, she's a devoting wife. Big difference. Stepping over the bodies, Bohemoth drags Vitamin X up in the corner and lands a big right hand. Only the ropes hold X up, prompting Bohemoth to grab a leg and go for the elimination. PRL has a hold of Landon meanwhile, also aiming to put him out of the match. The action is all in the middle of the ring meanwhile, as Baron is suddenly spun around... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chopped in the chest, to his surprise, by Leon Rodez! Leon attempts to charge Baron into the ropes after that. Moving the muscular Texan proves a tougher prospect than he thought though, earning him a Cowboy Bebop elbow to the back of the neck. COLE Oooh. Right to the neck and Leon simply crumbled after that shot, he's had neck problems in the past let's not forget. Infact they kept him out of last year's Lethal Rumble, if I remember correctly. COACH Do you have to process EVERY thought out loud? In moves Logan to move Baron the rest of the way back. He'll get no help from Synth at the moment though, as Zack takes him by the wrist and sends him to the ropes with an irish whip. Synth hangs on however and encourages Zack towards him. In rushes Zack, to a dip of the head from Synth... VERY telegraphed, Zack booting Synth in the shoulder blade, sending up and over the to... NO, Synth does go over the top, but comes back out the other side and landing safely in the ring! COLE Wow, Synth got really lucky right there! Zack quickly gets out of the way as Vitamin X is sent corner to corner by Bohemoth. The Meterosexual Monster then makes a charge towards him... but X dodges out of the way, causing Bo to crash sternum first into the turnbuckles! Down he goes, as X backs away looking mighty relieved. Relief that turns to dread, as he walks into a waistlock and a quick German Suplex from Zack! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The fans pop for the prospect of more Germans. As Zack drags X back up in the waistlock though, Synth catches him in a Sleeper! Little does X know this though, still panicking about a second German Suplex. Reaching back for the head, VX sits out, hitting a Jawbreaker on Zack... which in turn drags Synth into the same fate!! COACH Look at that, Vitamin X is taking them on two at a time! What a man! COLE ...here comes another entrant. "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" COLE Number fifteen, the halfway point here in the Lethal Rumble! "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Renegade" by Jay Z and Eminem hits and out runs Reject, to a chorus of boos. COLE It's the former International Champion, Reject! Picking up pace, Reject slides headlong into the ring and quickly catches Zack with the EULOGY~!!! COACH BOOM! That's how you make an impact in the Lethal Rumble! Popping right back to his feet, Reject measures Synth... and hits him with the EULOGY~!!!! as well! Vitamin X doesn't escape either, spun around and dropped with the EULOGY~!!!! Reject still isn't done though. With PRL still trying to oust Landon and Baron and Logan jockeying for position in the corner, Reject focuses instead on Bohemoth. Still winded from hitting the turnbuckles earlier, Bohemoth staggers into the middle of the ring. Reject quickly sets, the crowd warning Bohemoth to watch out. A warning he doesn't heed, as Reject leaps up and snatches him into the EULOGY~!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Reject stands tall in the middle of the ring and poses amongst the boos. COLE Bohemoth has been in there 20 minutes plus now. And Reject, the fresh man, has come in and changed the face of this Lethal Rumble! COACH No doubt, there's a lot of tired bodies out there and Reject is picking them off one by one! Next on the hitlist is Leon Rodez, pulling himself up. Reject crouches down and waits for Leon to walk his way, The Silky Smooth One still favouring his neck as Reject leaps and hits another EULO... NO!! Leon manages to shove Reject off into the ropes! Back rebounds Reject, ducking underneath a clothesline attempt and swinging a Spinning Heel Kick towards the back of his head. Sensing danger, Leon drops down, Reject whiffing on the kick and caught off balance for a moment. He recovers, throwing a roundhouse kick. But Rodez ducks again and catches Reject from behind for a back suplex, spinning it around into the Blue Thunder Bomb!! COLE It's Da Boom~! Both Reject and Leon stay down now, leaving just four of ten on their feet. Make that three as Logan chokes Baron down in the corner. Landon has fought off PRL now and is trying to hoist him by the tights up and over the top, to wails from PR's people. COLE Halfway through and we've got a lot of the big guns in the mix at the moment. Plenty more still to come too. Todd Cortez, 2006 winner Alfdogg! And let's not forget the man who won the Corporate Lethal Rumble this past Thursday, The Mad Cappa! COACH Oh that doesn't mean anything. COLE That's not what you were saying Thursday night. COACH Yes, but that was before The Mad Cappa won it, at which point it immediately became meaningless. The EULOGYed stars start picking themselves up, with Zack putting the boots to Vitamin X while Synth staggers over to a safer position, helping out Logan in beating down Baron. Holly-Wood is around at the corner screaming encouragement to The Heavenly Rockers. Back up too is Leon, taking Reject into a corner and stomping away. Over comes Landon though, dropkicking Leon in the back, forcing him into Reject in the turnbuckles and dropping them both. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" COACH I bet somewhere, Popick's screaming at someone to go after PRL. "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" COACH I know I am! "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Thriller" hits again, for the second half of the Tag Champions, Jock Mulligan! Jock rushes to the aid of his tag team partner, as Melody Nerdly marches with a purpose to ringside. COACH Now what is she doing!? There's no managers at ringside! COLE She's the Manager Of The Year, maybe that gives her special privileges? COACH Bunk! Utter bunk! Jock wails away on both Logan and Synth to the delight of the fans, dropping them both with right hands. A scoop and a slam plants Logan Mann. And a scoop and a slam too for Synth. Picking himself out of the corner, Baron thanks his partner quickly, before The 'Slingers take The Rockers and pair off. Baron brawls with Synth, while Jock and Synth slug it out. COLE This battle has been raging for months, The Lone Star Gunslingers and The Heavenly Rockers and it's showing no signs of cooling down any time soon! Stalking around, trying to pick his spot, Landon decides against getting involved between the two warring teams and goes after Bohemoth again instead. Bo is choked against the bottom rope by Maddix, pinning his foot in the back of the head. As Bohemoth fights for breath, Reject comes over and joins in with a foot of his own, making an uneasy truce to work on the biggest man and biggest threat in the pack. Another uneasy truce forms next to them, Zack and PRL stomping dual mudholes into the chest of a begging Vitamin X. That is until PRL suddenly turns around and jams a thumb in Zack's eye, sending him staggering away blindly. COLE Approaching a half an hour for PRL and he's still fighting, not backing down from anyone. COACH Yeah but he's tired. You can see it in his body language, he's beginning to feel the strain. Meanwhile, The Gunslingers combine on The Heavenly Rockers, finding enough space in the crowded ring to set up stereo irish whips. Both Logan and Synth reverse the momentum however and duck their heads for backdrops. Jock and Baron respond with boots to the shoulder blades and go for stereo clotheslines. Both Logan and Synth duck the lines though and Jock and Baron go charging into the ropes. Realising their position they quickly stop at the ropes, turning around into boots, doubling them over as The Heavenly Rockers throw up the TWIRLING FINGERS OF DEATH~! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth and Logan snatch hold of Baron and Jock by the head, Holly-Wood already cheering. Logan quickly spikes Baron down with the PERCUSSION DDT... but Synth wastes too much time and gets backdropped by Jock, ALL THE WAY OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" COACH AH! COLE And Synthamania will not run wild in the main-event of AngleMania! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SYNTH ESIZER ENTERED: 11th LEFT: 6th TIME IN RING: 11:33 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan LEFT IN RING: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Baron Windels, Leon Rodez, Logan Mann, Reject, Jock Mulligan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Logan pounces on Jock immediately, while Synth flies into a rage on the outside! Referees go scattering as Synth suddenly makes a dive to get back into the ring, managing to get a few shots to the kidneys on Jock as he's backed into the ropes by Logan, before the referees manage to pull him back. COACH Man, Synth has lost it! COLE It's fair to say he's got a pretty short fuse at the best of times. As Melody makes the point that Synth should take a walk, that gets Holly all riled up as well, causing the girls to go face to face! COACH See, this is why managers are supposed to be in the backsta... Suddenly, the still raging Synth spots Holly and Melody being held apart by the referee and runs over, GRABBING MELODY BY THE HAIR AND YELLING RIGHT INTO HER FACE!!!! COLE HEY! HEY, COME ON NOW! "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" The referees try and pleads with Synth let Melody go, still holding him by the hair. Neither Jock or Baron are in any position to see what's going on or do anything about it... as Synth places her in a front facelock, threatening to DDT her on the floor! "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" COLE Don't do this Synth, come on! "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Like The Angels" fires up and MARV of The Christ Air Express bursts through the curtain. Already getting a head of steam up on his way to the ring, MARV suddenly breaks into a full sprint as he sees his sister in danger, Synth backing up down the aisle towards the exposed concrete in the aisle... and THANKFULLY getting clattered to the ground by MARV before he can follow through with his threats! COLE Thank god for MARV! MARV goes crazy on Synth, clubbing away at him as things continue to spill out of control on the outside. Beaten against the guardrail, Synth reaches out and headbutts MARV in the gut to buy himself time to get away. MARV rushes right after him though, chasing The Synthmestier around the ring! COACH Leave him alone, he's not even in the match! COLE What!? With MARV still hot on his heels, Synth takes a detour and slides back into the ring. He immediately slides out the other side and back to the floor, while MARV scrambles to his feet... ...and gets backdropped out by Logan Mann!! COACH See! I told him he should have left Synth alone! COLE Agh! That stinks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MARV ENTERED: 17th LEFT: 7th TIME 'IN RING': 0:19 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Logan Mann ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As Logan gloats over the elimination of MARV however, The Lone Star Gunslingers link arms behind him and run into Logan from behind, a double clothesline sending him up, over and OUT!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Now that's not fair! COLE That's karma! Logan got exactly what he deserved right there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOGAN MANN ENTERED: 14th LEFT: 8th TIME 'IN RING': 6:26 ELIMINATED: MARV ELIMINATED BY: Baron Windels, Jock Mulligan LEFT IN RING: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Baron Windels, Leon Rodez, Reject, Jock Mulligan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Extra officials have piled out from the back to keep The Heavenly Rockers apart from MARV and Melody, which is easier said than done. Logan is furious and The Gunslingers are distracted by the chaos on the floor, as both Logan and Synth are dragged away by the large number of official bodies. Seeing this out of the corner of his eye is Landon Maddix, tapping Reject on the shoulder as he boots away at Bohemoth. And as Jock and Baron try to make sure Melody is okay, which she insists she is, Reject and Landon rush up behind them and pitch them both to the floor!! COLE The opportunists, Maddix and Reject, they really picked their spot there. And we are down to seven in the ring now. As, thankfully, The Heavenly Rockers are being hauled out of here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JOCK MULLIGAN ENTERED: 16th LEFT: 9th TIME 'IN RING': 2:51 ELIMINATED: Synth Esizer, Logan Mann (co) ELIMINATED BY: Landon Maddix ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BARON WINDELS ENTERED: 12th LEFT: 10th TIME 'IN RING': 10:52 ELIMINATED: Logan Mann (co) ELIMINATED BY: Reject LEFT IN RING: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Leon Rodez, Reject ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reject and Landon look proud of themselves and Reject gets a pat on the back for his efforts. The makeshift duo then go right back after Bohemoth... who, back on his feet, meets and greets them with a big-time double clothesline that wipes them both out! Reaching down, Bohemoth picks up Maddix and tosses him aside, sending him flying over the top rope... and ALMOST out, Landon's feet hovering over the ground for a second or so before he uses his grip on the top and middle ropes to pull himself back from the brink!! COLE Wow, Maddix was that close to going. And after all of the claims and guarantees he's been making about winning the Lethal Rumble this year, he's got a lot of hype to live up to. Into a corner retreats Landon. Bohemoth meanwhile looks for an opponent and finds Leon Rodez walking out of a corner towards him. The two seem to take a second to notice each other but find themselves in lock-up, which Bohemoth uses his power to muscle Leon backwards. Landon goes to follow after them, but gets intercepted by Zack Malibu. COLE And look at Landon, stalking around, looking for every cheapshot possible. He's like a blonde Repo Man in there. COACH It's working too, isn't it? Defending from a low charge by Zack, Maddix pulls him up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops Zack, hard! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Zack responds in kind... So La Cucaracha goes to the eyes! Landon stays on Zack with right hands, while the Lethal Rumble timer appears on screen once again. "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds hits and the boos rain in, as The Cuban Wall slowly strides to the ring. COLE Our second of five Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members. COACH Look out PRL, haha! PRL does just that, leaving Vitamin X beaten down in the corner and catching Cuban Wall as he climbs up onto the apron! Punches rock Wall as the tries to climb in over the top. Wall manages to shrug PRL off for a second, but Tha Puerto Rican quickly pulls up on the top rope, crotching Wall before he can get fully into the ring! The bigman collapses off the ropes and into the ring, where PRL goes to work with some shaky leg kicks. COLE Tha Puerto Rican, the number one entrant, has The Cuban Wall down and is going to town! Seeing his partner in trouble, Vitamin X pulls him up from the corner... and walks into a big left hand, knocking him right back down! COLE What a shot THAT was too! With the crowd behind him, PRL lets Wall up and tries to muscle him into the ropes with an irish whip. Wall hangs on though, pulling PRL in by the arm and driving him down with a big Powerslam! PRL kicks his feet in pain from the 285 pound slam, as Cuban Wall pushes up to his knees and just chokes the life out of Tha Puerto Rican. "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" "P - R!" Help comes in the unusual form of Reject for PRL, as he comes off the ropes and strikes Wall in the face with a basement dropkick! COACH Reject just made a big mistake right there. COLE How so? Wall is big and he's fresh, if you can target him you damn well better. COACH But Wall's got three of his buddies still to enter and another one already in the ring. COLE Does Cuban Wall really have 'buddies'? COACH Well... no. But that's not the point. He should be getting rid of PRL, there's a million dollars up for grabs, kicking Wall in the face can have no possible benefits whatsoever. Reject goes after Vitamin X and stomps him in the corner, as PRL recovers. Having liften him up onto the top rope a few seconds ago, Bohemoth gives Leon a last shove and walks off. Leon hangs on and stays in the match, not that Bo seems that concerned, focused instead on Cuban Wall. He goes to pick the bigman off the canvas... and for some reason, PRL clubs him in the back as soon as he dips his head. PRL then goes after Wall... until Bohemoth spins him around and knocks him down and out with a big right to the jaw! COLE PRL wants at the Corporation, but the last thing he needs is to make more enemies. As Bohemoth glares down at PRL though, a hand suddenly grabs him around the throat! Cuban Wall climbs from the mat with Bo by the goozle. And with tremendous power, he elevates him up and slams the 284 pound Meterosexual Monster down with a Chokeslam!! COACH The power~! Battles continue between Reject and Vitamin X and Zack and Landon, Leon recouperating in a spare corner. Wall leaves his battle to go help Vitamin X out though, clubbing away at Reject. Landon meanwhile has Zack hurting, kicking away at him while taunting the fans. Leon pulls himself back into battle and targets Cuban Wall, while the count winds down... "TEN!" "NINE!" "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche hits and out strides Todd Cortez! MADDIX Hearing the music, Landon freezes right in the middle of kicking Zack. Cortez kisses the gold chain and cross around his neck and hands it off before he exits the ring, right into a game of cat and mouse with Landon who tries to duck behind Bohemoth and PRL. A boot puts PRL back down though, Cortez stepping over him and circling after Landon, who finds himself trapped in the opposite corner that he started in and tries to reason with his former team-mate. With no intention of becoming a one night only partner of Landon's again though, Cortez grabs him... and gets poked in the eyes!! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A chop lashes into Cortez. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Make it three, before Landon hooks on a headlock and rakes Cortez's face across the top rope! Away staggers Cortez holding his face, Landon quickly pushing up onto the middle rope and saying it's over. Cortez catches him coming off the ropes with a boot though, blocking the DDT and setting Maddix up in a standing headscissors... but PRL nails Cortez from behind! COLE PRL, again! What an effort he's putting in here! Landon scurries away and breathes many a sigh of relief at escaping. PRL lays into Cortez with left hands until Zack Malibu walks over, at which point they both suddenly turn around and boot last year's winner. Together PRL and Cortez whip Zack into the ropes, setting up a double team. The double team doesn't last long, Cortez hitting Tha Puerto Rican with a European uppercut before Zack even hits the ropes. Once he does though, he shoots back with a spinning wheel kick to knock The Urban Legend down. Zack is then felled by a Dropsault from Maddix, who stands tall and finds time to give a thumbs up to the hard cam'... before Bohemoth nearly decapitates him with a MURDERLINE~!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" Bo stays down however, suffering from the punishment he's taken so far. PRL is almost up, but seeing the chance to catch a breather he sits back down in the corner, throwing up his hands comically to the fans. COLE Bohemoth entered at number 5, he's approaching 30 minutes as well now. It's getting to that time where the luck of the draw is going to play it's part, our next entrant will be number 20. COACH And whoever number 20 is will be coming in with lots of weary bodies to choose from. With five men down on one side of the ring, the attention turns to the corner where Leon and Reject have a leg each on Cuban Wall. The bigman doesn't seem to be budging however. And Vitamin X recovers to fight Leon off, allowing Wall to escape Reject's clutches, knocking him down with a big headbutt. Wall and X then turn the tables and suddenly have Leon up, hung over the top rope and teetering on the brink! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Reject staggers back up... but rather than help out Leon, he runs across the ring and crushes Bohemoth with some ROLLING THUNDER!! The Silky Smooth One looks around for some help and looks worried when he finds none coming. His one saving grace might be the Lethal Rumble timer, watching it count down on the big screen as he clings on for dear life...

Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, host to the Olympics, the Super Bowl, the World Series and for a short time the site of WrestleMania. But on Sunday night, March 30, 2008, it will be host to the biggest spectacle in all of e-fed entertainment when the One & Only AngleSault Thread presents... ANGLEMANIA VII "A night that will leave the City of Angels singing and crying." 3/30/08 OAOAST QuizDown is presented by OAOAST Lethal Intent now available for Nintendo DS Who won the first ever Anglepalooza Royal/Lethal Rumble: A.Sandman B.Anglesault C.Sole Survivor D.Zack Malibu The answer:Sole Survivor

COLE And now is the time, folks! We're about to crown the Undisputed champion of the World! Popick! Strutter! Heat! It will only be one! Let's go to the ring, and Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...it is now time for one of the biggest matches in the OAOAST's history! Right here in this ring, three of the wrestling world's biggest stars prepare to do battle, to determine the ONE and ONLY OAOAST champion of the WORLD! ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Atlanta, Georgia...ARRRRRRE YYYOUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Atlanta, and the millions and millions watching all over the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. COLE And here comes the first contestant! The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. Suddenly, we hear the voice of DMX. "COME ON!" Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing, and the crowd goes nuts as Colombian Heat comes through the curtains. COACH Oh, man. If THIS guy walks out of here as the Undisputed World champion... Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the entrance, and then looks to the ring, takes a deep breath, and starts his walk, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time! The first participant in the match...weighing in at 179 1/2 pounds! He won his title in an grueling unification match at Zero Hour 2007, and tonight, he looks to win yet another unification match. Ladies and gentlemen...from Miami, Florida...he is the OAOAST United States champion...COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOMBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! COLE And as Michael Buffer said, Colombian Heat has a history of success in unification matches! What a story this would be if he could get the win tonight! Heat hops into the ring, then gets on the second rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, as the cheers. Heat then gets on the second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, recieving more cheers. COACH Yeah, but with all due respect to James Riggs, these are two World champion performers he's in there with! He's in way over his head tonight, I've got to think! Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle, and grabs a microphone as the music dies down. Colombian Heat says over the mic, "If all of y'all are ready to see me two World champions feel the Heat, make some noise up in this BI-AAAATCH~!!!" *crowd makes some noise up in this BI-AAAATCH* Colombian Heat puts the microphone down. Je t'adore, je t'adore... Girls, Girls, Girls plays, as the lights go out, and the entrance fills with pink strobes and smoke. Shortly after, "After Hours" Felix Strutter walks through the smoke crowd, with a big smirk on his face. BUFFER The second participant in this match...weighing in at 218 1/4 pounds! In less than 18 months, this man rose from the ranks as an unheralded tag team wrestler, and tonight, he looks to become the Undisputed World champion! Ladies and gentlemen...from San Jose, California...he is the OAOAST International champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXX SSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! COLE Felix Strutter looking very confident, as he should, what a term he's had here in the OAOAST! COACH The guy's been here less than 18 months, and look at him now, a World champion! How many people have risen up the ranks like Felix Strutter? Strutter slides in the ring, and poses on the ropes with his belt, as the crowd boos. COLE And Colombian Heat looking on, and remember, he pinned Strutter in a tag match just ten days ago on HeldDOWN~! Strutter hops down, as the lights return, just in time for Stronger by Kanye West to play, as the boos of the crowd intensify. COACH And here comes the final man! Stephen Joseph Popick walks through the curtain, unseen behind the white pyro showering down, then holds his arms out in a crucified position, as the rest of his pyro goes off. He then turns around, and walks to the ring confidently. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...he weighs in at 225 1/4 pounds! This man shocked the world on Halloween night, by winning his second World title! And tonight, he looks to unify it with another! He is the self-proclaimed Most Hated Man in the OAOAST...Ladies and gentlemen...from Atlanta, Georgia...he is the TWO-TIME OAOAST champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...SSSSSSSSTEPHENNNNNN JOOOOSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPHHHHHHH POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!! COACH What a bunch of ingrates here in Atlanta! This is their hometown hero! COLE Well, the guy is kind of a jerk. COACH LIES! Popick climbs the steel steps, then climbs up with one foot on the top rope, surveying the crowd, and smirks. He then hops inside, and all three men remove their belts. The referee raises Popick's and Strutter's belts in the air, then hands them to the ring attendant, and calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE And we are officially under way! All three men stand in mid-ring, and stare one another down. COACH A three-way staredown, I love it! The staredown is broken up by Heat, who catches Popick right in the chops with a right hand! COLE What a shot from Heat! COACH What a cheap shot! UN-FUCKING-CALLED FOR! COLE If you ask me, it was very fucking called for. COACH Well, I didn't, so shut the fuck up, bitch. Strutter then decks Heat from behind, and continues the assault, until Popick regains his senses and attacks Strutter from behind. Strutter and Popick trade punches, until Heat grabs both men by the hair, then looks out to the crowd, which roars in response. COLE Go ahead, Heat! Heat rams the heads of Popick and Strutter together! COLE The ol' double noggin-knocker! Heat backs Strutter into the ropes, and whips him right into Popick, sending Popick to the outside! COLE And the OAOAST World champion to the outside! Heat then catches Strutter coming with a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Strutter returns fire! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Heat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Strutter! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Heat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Another from Heat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Strutter delivers a knee to the gut, then takes Heat down with a side headlock. Heat quickly goes to a headscissors, but Strutter rolls around and flips on top of Heat. 1... 2... Heat bridges, turns around, and takes Strutter over with a backslide! 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter quickly gets to his feet and floors Heat with a clothesline! COLE Nice awareness by Felix Strutter, and a nice clothesline! However, as Strutter turns around, he himself is floored with a clothesline from Popick! COACH And there's another nice clothesline! Popick then moves over to Strutter and stomps away. Heat gets to his feet, but is met with big rights from Popick, and gets sent back down. Popick then makes his way over to Strutter, delivering some more rights, then tosses him over the top...but Strutter skins the cat back inside! COACH Felix is still in there! Popick whips Heat into the ropes, towards Strutter, who quickly ducks and backdrops Heat to the floor! COLE And it's Heat who ends up on the outside! Strutter and Popick slug it out inside, with Strutter getting the better of the exchange. He whips Popick into the ropes, and catches him with a big backdrop! He then follows Popick into the corner, and hammers away. He goes for an Irish whip, but Popick reverses, then catches him with a high knee! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Count of two for Popick! Popick then runs to the ropes, and rams into Heat, knocking him back to the floor. He follows Heat out, and the two begin to trade punches. However, that is broken up when Strutter floors them both with a CORKSCREW PLANCHA~! COACH DAY-UM~! COLE Strutter out of nowhere with a twisting dive over the top! And all three men are out of it on the floor! Strutter slowly gets to his feet, then grabs Popick and tosses him back inside, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE That won't be enough to put down the World champion! Strutter picks up Popick, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! He whips Popick across, but puts his head down, and Popick delivers a shot to the back, then goes to a standing headscissors. COLE Piledriver, perhaps? However, Heat comes in and clotheslines Popick to the mat! He then ducks a clothesline from Strutter, and fires away, backing him into a corner. He whips Strutter hard across the ring, and Strutter takes it CHEST-FIRST~! COLE And Strutter HARD into the buckles! Strutter then delivers a foot to the gut of Popick, then backs into the ropes and executes a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat hammers Popick in a corner, then whips him across and charges...but Popick moves out of the way! COLE Nobody home for Colombian Heat! Popick picks Heat up in atomic drop position, and sets him on the top rope, then pulls him down into the tree of woe position! COACH And Heat's caught! I like this! Popick kicks away at Heat, then breaks to pose, drawing boos. He grabs Strutter, and whips him hard right into Heat! COLE Nice move there from Popick! Strutter goes to the mat, and Popick drops a knee, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! He sets up the move again, but this time, Strutter reverses, and Heat gets a foot up in the corner! COLE And that move backfired twice on Popick! Strutter rolls up Popick from behind! 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter and Popick duke it out in mid-ring, with Popick getting the better of things this time. Popick whips Strutter across, but Strutter ducks a clothesline, and catches Popick with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK~! COLE BIG move from Felix Strutter! Strutter stops to pose, drawing boos, but gets nailed with the PELE KICK~!, drawing a big pop from the crowd! COACH Oh, no! COLE Heat with the Pele Kick! The cover... 1... 1... (wtf dude thats supposed to be 2) o yea lolz 2... Popick makes the save! COLE SO close for Heat! Heat ducks a big swing from Popick, then hooks him and delivers the BONG HIT~! COLE Bong Hit from Heat, and he's going upstairs! Heat gets to the top rope, but Strutter races over and racks him! COACH And Felix is back in it! Strutter measures Popick, going for a big roundhouse kick, but Popick ducks, then hooks Strutter and executes a DDT! COLE But a nice DDT from Popick stops the momentum! Strutter rolls to the outside, then Popick makes his way over to Heat, climbing upstairs, and taking him down with a superplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Popick tries again... 1... 2... Kickout! One more time... 1... 1... (wtf you did it again) omgwtf 2... Kickout! COACH Has anyone ever gotten a pin by doing that? COLE Not that I know of. Popick hammers away on Heat on the mat, but Heat fights to his feet, then wins an exchange. He attempts an Irish whip, but puts his head down. Popick hooks Heat, and does a throat slash. COACH Uh-oh, could it be time for the FallenAngel? However, Heat reverses to a small package! 1... 2... ...but Strutter breaks! COLE And another close count for Heat! Strutter grabs Heat in a rear waistlock, but Heat goes behind and executes the GANGSTA SLAM~! COLE Heat with the Gangsta Slam! And he's going up top again! COACH This cost him last time! Heat comes off with THE FATAL MISTAKE~! COLE The Fatal Mistake! 1... 2... NO! Strutter gets the shoulder up! COLE INCHES, INCHES away! Heat covers again... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat then gets in the mount position, and starts to hammer away. He picks him up, and whips him into the ropes. Strutter ducks a clothesline, and floors Heat with a HIGH ROUNDHOUSE KICK~! COACH YES~! COLE Big kick from Strutter! Strutter stops to catch his breath, but Popick charges. Strutter catches him with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline, and another! He then signals for the end. COLE And Felix says he's ready to become the Undisputed champion! Strutter hooks Popick...and delivers the SANTA CLARA CRUSH~!!!!!11111 COLE He hit it! 1... 2... ...Heat grabs Popick by the leg, and pulls him right out of the ring! COLE And this time it's Heat who breaks the count! Strutter goes to the outside to get some of Heat, then rolls him back inside. He attempts an Irish whip, but Heat reverses, then puts his head down. Strutter catches him, and sets up the SANTA CLARA CRUSH~!!!!!11111 COACH Here it comes again! However, Heat counters, and slingshots Strutter into the post! COLE Strutter right into the ringpost! Strutter falls back to the mat, as the camera zooms in. COLE And Felix is cut open! Heat mounts and delivers right hands, then backs into the ropes, and executes the SHAKY LEGS KNEEDROP~! Cover... 1... 2... Popick saves! Popick tosses Heat to the outside, then follows him out and attempts to ram his face into the steps, but Heat blocks and turns the tables on Popick! Heat then hammers on Popick, as Popick goes around the corner of the ring. Heat sets up an Irish whip, but Popick reverses, sending Heat crashing into the steel steps! COLE And Colombian Heat crashes into those steel ring steps! Popick stops to catch his breath, then gets a smirk on his face. COLE And Popick has gotten an idea, I think. Popick makes his way over to the announcer's table, and starts picking it apart. COACH Uh-oh... As Popick gets done with the table, Heat spins him around and delivers right hands, then rolls him onto the table. Heat follows him up, then ducks behind him. COACH Oh, no! Not a Colombian Necktie through our table??? However, Popick sits down on the move, and the two engage in another slugfest, until Strutter comes out and delivers a low blow to Heat! COLE And a low blow from Felix Strutter! Popick comes off the table, as Strutter discusses something with him. They then both pull Heat off the table. COLE What's this? COACH I'm not sure, but I think I'm going to like it! Strutter and Popick hook Heat, then drive him THROUGH THE ANNOUNCER'S TABLE WITH A DOUBLE POWERBOMB~!!! COLE/COACH CROWD HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Popick starts to pose again, and is attacked from behind by Strutter! COLE It's still every man for himself, Stephen! Strutter rolls Popick back into the ring...then goes under the apron, and grabs a BARBED-WIRE BAT~! COLE And Strutter's got a big baseball bat, wrapped in barbed wire! COACH And you know what they say about guys with big bats! COLE ...what. COACH High slugging percentage! COLE Or HGH, one of the two! Strutter rolls in, shoves the referee aside, and drives the bat into Popick's forehead! COLE And now Popick bleeding after that big bat shot! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! Strutter delivers right hands from the mount position, then raises the bat again. COLE And Strutter with that bat again! However, this time, Popick delivers a low blow, then gets to his feet...and executes the FALLEN ANGEL~!!!!!11111 COLE Popick with the Fallen Angel! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Heat breaks the count! COACH I can't believe this. COLE Heat out of nowhere interrupting the count! Both men lay on the mat for several seconds, until finally Popick gets to his feet, and picks up Heat. Heat blocks a right, and delivers one of his own! The two trade punches, until Popick goes to the eyes. Strutter struggles to his feet, as Popick sets up for the FALLEN ANGEL~!!!!!11111 once again. However, Heat spins behind, and lifts Popick up for the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!11111 However, Heat leaves himself wide open for a bat shot from Strutter! COACH Look at this! COLE Strutter with the bat! Strutter struggles over, and makes the cover... 1... 1... (...dude.) 2... NO!!! Strutter gets the shoulder up! COACH Jesus Tapdancing Christ. COLE Two-count! Heat is still alive! Popick makes a move for the bat, as Strutter picks up Heat and sets him up for the SANTA CLARA CRUSH~!!!!!11111 ...but Heat spins behind again, and plants Strutter with the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!11111 COLE HE GOT IT!!! Cover him, Heat! However, Heat can't make the cover. Popick measures him with the bat, and charges...but Heat ducks, and with a PELE KICK~!, sends the bat right back into Popick's face! Popick staggers... ...and falls backwards on top of Strutter! COACH Look at this! 1... 2... Heat makes one last lunge... ...but is too late! 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~! COLE And it's all over! Stephen Joseph Popick has done it! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match...and the UNDISPUTED OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...SSSSSSSSTEPHENNNNNN JOOOOSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPHHHHHHH POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!! All three men are still laid out on the mat, Popick laying on his back on top of Strutter, and Heat with his left hand draped over Popick and his right one over Strutter. COLE What guts, what determination shown by these three men! But in the end, there could only be one Undisputed OAOAST World champion, and there he is, Stephen Joseph Popick! The referee lifts Popick to his knees and drapes both belts over his right shoulder, as members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation happily run to ringside. Popick falls through the ropes, right onto the waiting shoulder of Cuban Wall. COLE And if Felix Strutter and Colombian Heat can take one thing from this match, Popick is not walking out of this arena victorious, but rather is being carried out by his cronies! Popick gets enough strength to raise the belts up with his right hand, as the SJPC celebrates in the aisle. Strutter has rolled to the outside, as Heat lays on his side, and watches the Corporation celebrate. COLE And Colombian Heat looking on, so close to winning that World title! But a bad break at the end cost him the match! COACH And I'm glad! COLE Oh, shut the fuck up. COACH .... COLE Folks, we're mere moments away from the two thousand eight Lethal Rumble, where we will find out just who is going to Anglemania to face Stephen Joseph. Will it be Landon Maddix? Will it be Alfdogg? Zack Malibu? Bohemoth? Theodore Moneymaker? Or the number one entrant in the rumble Tha Puerto Rican? COACH Now its your turn to shut the fuck up! There's big money laying out there to make sure that doesn't happen. If Puerto were really on his grind, he'd eliminate himself and collect that change. COLE I think he has a bit too much pride in his craft to do that, Coach! COACH Bit too much pride in being dirt poor! You know Popick was the one keeping him well fed, well clothed. I heard this teddy bear be shoppin discount at Century21 and eating generic brand lucky charms. That's real, dawg. Holla at me. patty sez:lol this board has word filtered nigga

my hubris has earned me a valuable and well deserved lesson in humbleness and humility

Over we go again to the Lethal Rumble drawing room, just in time infact as ZACK MALIBU is at the tumbler ready to draw his number. The tumbler stops while he and AngleSault are still reminiscing about good times, Zack not paying much attention as he picks his number. Taking a quick look, he raises an eyebrow a little in interest, before handing over to AS. ANGLESAULT So, what do you reckon? Two years in a row? ZACK Heh... could be man, could be. Taking nothing for granted, I mean there's plenty of capable guys going after that bullseye on my chest. But hey, I guess I should be used to that by now, right? ANGLESAULT No doubt. AS suddenly looks aside as into room walks BOHEMOTH, to a big reaction out in the arena. Not looking entirely surprised by this development, AngleSault stands looking on as Bo and Zack square up for a second before exchanging a friendly nod. And just a nod. ANGLESAULT Bo, glad you could make it. BOHEMOTH Don't mention it. So, how did you do? ZACK Ah well, that'd be telling now, wouldn't it big man. Let's not ruin the surprise. After all, it's every man for himself... I wouldn't want to HELP anybody else out, would I? BOHEMOTH Good point. Bo walks over to the tumbler and after a quick rotation by Maggie, Bo reaches in and grabs his number. But he doesn't so much as begin to try and open it, casually flipping the unopened ball to AngleSault, who just about catches it without fumbling. BOHEMOTH Besides, it's not like it matters anyway. Bo strolls off out of the room, none the wiser about his entrance number, Zack getting the message loud and clear and smiling to himself. Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop Abdullah Abir Nerdly You know him as a guide to the infinite. As a bright star in a world shrouded in darkness. As a messenger nurtured inside heaven's golden womb As a speaker for the will of the prophets and ideas of the gods. Now you will know him as your personal guide to spiritual betterment with the seven disc DVD set Key To The Beyond. Your's for only four hundred dollars. ABDULLAH We live in a world corrupted by malcontent forces, driven into the depths of hades by pagan idolaters. Its a world under attack by thought terrorists and their blasphemous voodoo science beliefs! How can you survive? You can not, brothers and sisters! Evil is upon us, and it will soon prevail, brothers and sisters. Yes it will! The only hope any of us has is in the salvation of my teachings. Come take my hand, and let me guide you past the tenebrous evil around us, and into genuine, spiritual, peace. I am an inspirational leader to man, and a speaker for the prophets. I am the Key To The Beyond. FADE OUT

BUFFER The following contest is no a disqualification match scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit, I like them black girls I like them white girls I like them asian girls I like them mixed raced girls I like them spanish girls I like them italian girls I like the french girls And I like Scandanavian girls A Huge/ginormous/large/massive/oversized pop consorts right along with Calvin Harris' bopping tune. But the expensive/extravagant/lavish entrance filled with a bevy of expert dancers is noticeably missing, as are the rows of photographers and fashion journalist who normally landscape Krista's showy entrance. Instead there's nothing but the stoney, anger burned face of Krista Isadora Duncan, glaring into the camera. She's attired herself in skintight pink hot pants that mold to her firm BUTT, and a matching pink low cut tube top that prominently displays her hugely rounded breasts. COLE What type of Krista are we getting tonight? No pageantry, no expressiveness, and no fun from the woman who put entertainment into sports entertainment. How must it feel to have your deepest, darkest, secret, suddenly brought to the light? Horrible, I bet. Absolutely horrible. COACH Let's talk about Mister Moneymaker now. He shouldn't be a part of this match. He has a lethal rumble to think about. Krista, turned down her chance to be in the Lethal Rumble. That's right, turned it down. They were going to give her a spot and she said “Eh, I don't feel like it”. An opportunity to be world champ in her hometown, and she said no. You see, Mister Moneymaker is a real wrestler, like a Christian Wright, or a Reject. Krista is an entertainer. Having this match is like having Vijay Singh play nine holes with Kate Hudson. It makes no sense! BUFFER Introducing first from the city of angels, the home of Anglemania Seven, Los Angeles, California, she is the founder and CEO of the Fit with KID fitness empire, a New York Times best selling author, one half of two thousand seven tag team of the year, one half the two thousand seven Angle Award winner for best title reign, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, four time one and only world tag team champion, Esquire magazine's sexiest woman in the world, Miss California Krista Isadora Duncan! Krista slides into the ring with a staunch seriousness never before seen from her. She won't even over her adoring fans so much as a small smile as she stretches her limbs on the ropes. COLE When Krista's serious about the OAOAST, you know some ill-na-na shit be about to get popalatin', biggie smalls. COACH Never talk like that again. Moving on, we have to do our job as journalists and uncover the identity of the child. Could it be Landon like Moneymaker insinuated? I don't know about the whole calling another man petite thing, but I'ma let that slide. Maybe its Christian. They're both smart, and they're both kind of snobbish. As The Girls comes to a close, the world famous guitar opening of Money Talks brings an entire audience to depths of an insane hatred. Boos, jeers, vulgarities, and even trash pollute the arena air. Just another warm welcome for Theodore Moneymaker. YEOW! The entrance doors pull apart, and three green spotlights escort The Enterprise CEO onto the stage. Tugging on the lapels of a white smoking jacket that surrounds a body attired in green trunks, the billion dollar heir laughs heartily at the anger and rage he's brought upon himself. At his side, boasting a contemptuous smile of pure arrogance is Mackenzie DeCenzo, now clearly back in the tycoon's favor. Miss DeCenzo looks as if she's dressed for a night at the Oscars and not a night in front of drunken rednecks, svelte figured crammed into a sparkling silver beaded evening gown with a v-neck plunging deep into her cleavage. "Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night" BUFFER And the opponent, being accompanied by Mackenzie DeCenzo, from Vero Beach, Florida, he is the CEO of The Enterprise , the Billion Dollar Heir, and one half of the first ever One and Only World Tag Team champions......MISTER THEODORE MONEYMAKER! The boos are plentiful for the widely despised heel, and they certainly gain a reaction from him in the form of chastising glares. Mackenzie manages to keep her cool, however, her arm nestled between his, her over confident smirk never bothering to once leave her face. COLE And what type of man is this? Because he's upset with his own group's failings, he has to forever alter the course of Krista and one OAOAST superstar's life by revealing that formerly well kept secret. Well, Krista's life currently lies in shambles, and the locker room is full of gold digging wannabe children trying to hitch a ride on Krista's money wagon. COACH Instead of getting at Moneymaker how about getting at the bad mother? Get at the woman who drops a baby and high tails it out of town. Get at that. That's the problem. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” The southern flavored harassment does not sit well with Mister Moneymaker, and for every insult flung at him, he unloads a good three right back. On and on, they go, an arena of thousands and man worth billions, engaged in a verbal dogfight. Just as soon as Moneymaker's intensity is revving to full fire, he feels the clamp of soft hands across his bumpy skin. But the punches he suffers through is anything but soft, as Krista Isadora Duncan besieges him with right hands! “YEAAAA!” In the background the bell rings, but its hardly heard over the roar of the Phillips Arena who look on in delight while their heroine pummels the villain. Despite out weighing Krista by well over a hundred pounds, Moneymaker's girth is no match for her lunatic rage, and he's brought down to his knees by her downpour of strikes. Snarling with the ferocity of a starving tiger, Krista tangles her fingers through Moneymaker's dirty blond hair and leads him to his feet. She ignores his constant and pathetic pleas for mercy, and fires his head into the barricade. The force Moneymaker was launched with pushes the barricade back several inches, and topples the billion dollar heir to the cold steel of the ramp. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Vision muddied by sweat and painful disorientation, Moneymaker can see nothing more but the vague shapes of the fans clapping in the distance, and Krista's perfectly toned legs circling him with predatory malice. At the passionate urging of Mackenzie, and the rudely stated order of KID, the groggy grappler begins stepping to his feet. He's quickly captured by the buxom babe, who's hands dig themselves into his money green tights, and who's icy blue eyes stare down the barricade she's intending on throwing him into. But, the tyrant screeches her plans to a sudden halt by rifling his elbow into her exposed midsection. Being a fitness queen Krista has stronger abs then most, but they don't prevent her from being doubled over in agony. Without taking a moment to catch his depleted breath, Moneymaker screams out in terrible anger as he bashes Krista over the back with clubbing forearms. His thickly muscled arms drive her down to the mat, where they continue to rip through her exposed flesh as if they were miniature asteroid collisions. COACH I know how to figure out who Krista's kid is. Its easy. Find out all the people in the OAOAST she's never made fun of and one of them has to be her offspring. COLE That leaves Denzel Spencer, and she thinks he's Tracy Chapman. That's why she always nags him to do Fast Car at her parents' anniversary. Moneymaker brings Krista off the canvas, using a modified front facelock to make certain she's unable to escape. He quickly frees her from the simple submission hold, but does so only to launch a throat thrust at the blond bombshell. The breath and energy piratically skewered out of her, Krista goes teetering towards the ring. Her hands tighten around the black ring apron, and her face sags downward with sudden exhaustion. The Enterprise CEO is relentless in his smashmouth assault, and offers her nary a second to regain her energy. By the seat of her bootylicious shorts he spins her away from the ring apron, and horsewhips his beefy forearm across her face! Instantly Krista falls to the mat, emitting pained cries that bring worried gasps from numerous audience members. “FUCK YOU, MONEYMAKER! FUCK YOU, MONEYMAKER! FUCK YOU, MONEYMAKER!” COLE Theodore Moneymaker just driving that arm into Krista's gorgeous face! COACH Gorgeous? Yes, yes, the kid would have to be good looking so that rules you out! COLE I should've been ruled out when you remembered I'm three years older then her! Upsetting Krista's enormous fanbase even further, Moneymaker callously punts her in the ribcage. She's turned over onto her back where the cameras immortalize her anguished expression. Behind that image are the golden boots of Theodore Moneymaker sliding into the squared circle. Before his eyes is a veritable grab bag of goodies in which to inflict mortal damage on his greatest rival in the OAOAST. But, he needn't take more then a few seconds before he finds his weapon du jour, a simple crutch. Laughing the maniacal laugh that has earned them the hatred of many a OAOAST fan, he waits with cold patience for Krista to finally enter the ring. Having been wounded by Moneymaker's hellish brawling assault, Krista is slow to reach the apron. This proves to be no problem for the wrestling tycoon as he crosses the ring to bash her with his weapon. But, to the fans' incredible joy, Miss California greets his arrival with a shoulder block. Feeling as if he's been hit with by a cannonball in a pink tube top, Moneymaker stumbles backwards in pain. By the time he reaches the center of the ring, though, his pain has morphed into frenzied rage and as Krista enters the ring, he takes a wild home run swing at her head. Fortunately for the many admires of her great looks, Krista ducks bellow the quickly approaching weapon and Moneymaker misses horribly. Thrown off balance by that pathetic miss, Moneymaker is easily victimized by a whirling STO known as the You Say Tomato, I say Fuck You! Fearful of suffering through more oddly named signature holds, he hastily pops upright. But such an action becomes costly when Krista begins terrorizing him with elbow smashes. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The crowd pleasing attacks shove Moneymaker into the corner, an unfortunate tomb to be buried in for the billionaire as the world famous Californian now begins shredding apart his flabby chest with flesh searing knife edge chops. Finished with her agonizing chopping, Krista now elevates her platformed heels onto the second rope. And without a moment of waste, she shoots her knees into her rival's flame red chest, then launches him through the air. BAM! Moneymaker's portly frame explodes onto the beige ring mat, shaking the structure to its very core and leading to a large ovation from the audience. Theodore's back lurches off the canvas, and his curled mouth screams out with deep roars of misery. None of this seems to affect the unusually stone faced Krista, who can only allow herself a small grin when she acquires his discarded crutch. While this obviously horrifies Mackenzie, it tickles the crowd with violent glee and they ready themselves for the destruction of Moneymaker. COACH No! Mister Moneymaker doesn't deserve this! COLE This is exactly what he deserves. Moneymaker has only a second to react to the unnerving sight of the beautiful creature hovering above him with the aura of a serial killer. Then the crutch slams into his back with the force of a wrecking ball, nearly driving itself through his chest and sending him scurrying away in panicked retreat. K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D! Again a crutch shot ravages his upper back, as he tries to stand and up and mount something resembling a defense. Then a third strike slices through his legs, and his momentum sends him tumbling in the air until he smacks his face across the rock solid ring. He looks up in stunned amazement to see Krista staring down at him with her unearthly blue eyes. He hurriedly rolls in the opposite direction, attempting to scramble towards a vertical base. But that goal continues to elude him, as the queen of fitness' weapon lays waste to his kneecap! At that Moneymaker can't contain the agony that bubbles at his throat, and long tortured cries spill free of his mouth. COLE Well, Moneymaker has brought out an entirely different side of Krista here in the home of the Atlanta Hawks. Normally she's the type to outwit, outsmart and humiliate her foes, but with a personal attachment to her fighting she's... COACH Gone crazy! And poor Moneymaker still has to compete in a Rumble! What if he drew number two or three? How is he going to survive? At zenith of her weapon induced butchery, Kris casts aside her halberd of destruction, and affixes her gory thoughts on achieving a submission. She circles Moneymaker menacingly, looking for an opening, claws ready to strike. Finally, as if searching for some sort of subliminal signal she surges upon him. Her hands weave his ankles around her forearms, and the strength that can only come from dedicating your life to fitness, lifts the paunchy brawler's lower body off the mat. The submission rocks him with tremendous force, sending seismic vibrations all across his back. As the earth shaking jolts of pain rupture in his body, and the crowd urges him to submit, the wailing billionaire makes a frantic crawl the ropes. His arm shoots forward, and his stubby fingers instinctively wiggle, begging the ropes just a bit closer. They don't fulfill his wish, however, and with a mighty exertion of energy he's forced to effort a huge push to his salvation. The resulting exhaustion is well worth the steep price, though, as his fingers now manage to embrace the black ropes. Most unfortunate, however, is that Krista refuses to relinquish her death hold. Mackenzie pleads for senior referee Earl Hebner to interject himself in her madness, but given that its a no DQ the best he can do is appeal to her sense of sportswomanship. COACH Wha? What? This is how they treat TSM's third largest investor? Ridiculous. Get that unfit mother off him! Moneymaker is left distraught by this predicament, shaking the ropes and pleading with Hebner through sorrowful stares. But then his face becomes plagued by anguish, as another howl speeds from his throat. Abruptly, as if she never displayed any inclination or desire to confine Moneymaker to a wheelchair , Krista releases her hold. Breathing easier is Mister Moneymaker, who thanks the gods he's still in relatively decent health. Were he able to actually see Krista retrieving the crutch, he might not be so inclined to offer the holy lord his thanks. As she awaits Moneymaker's rise, tameless furor storms inside her muscles. She slashes at her archnemesis with her spear, and snarls at him with clenched fangs. But in a stealthy move, Moneymaker catches Krista by surprise by smashing his knee into toned stomach. “BOOOOO!” Ignoring the rage of Atlanta, and his throbbing pain, Moneymaker captures Krista by the seat of her leather pants and through a rough clamp onto her bare shoulders. Digging into her soft skin, and cackling with crazed pleasure, he rushes the Hollywood starlet towards the corner nearest Mackenzie. The next thing Krista knows her shoulder is being driven into the the steel ring post. The sharp pain is intense and immediate, and Krista winces under its terrible pressure. Turning towards the entrance stage, Moneymaker screams, “Come, mystery child! Come quick! Lend mommy dearest a helping hand! BWAHHAHAHA!” “DEATH TO MONEYMAKER! DEATH TO MONEYMAKER! DEATH TO MONEYMAKER!” Moneymaker takes hold of the SoCal babe's now injured arm and adds an extra helping of misery, through a painfully slow arm wrench. As her arm continues to be twisted and contorted in totally unnatural directions, Krista's horrible screams paint a picture of sizable anguish, and a smile onto Moneymaker's face. Once he reaches the point where he's unable to turn her arm any further, Moneymaker casually flings her onto the canvas. Out of the corner of her tear soaked eyes, she catches a flurry of movement; the infinitely troubling image of Moneymaker taking hold of that dangerous crutch. It only takes a split second for the dismaying picture to bring dismaying pain, as Moneymaker is now viciously hammering her with crutch shots, laughing insanely as he does so. With every shot the fans react with horror and indignation, and some must turn away from the tear jerking sight. COACH That's what we gotta to do preserve the integrity of the American family. Take these dead beat, food stamped, section eight hood rats with they ten kids and they out of control penis guzzlin' aids spreadin tendencies and just beat that stank hoish ass for the world to see! COLE Krista is almost as rich as Moneymaker, has several private chefs, lives in Beverly Hills owns a home in Malibu and a penthouse in New York, has two children not ten, and is a lesbian. Moneymaker stretches Krista's previously targeted arm out creating a fresh batch of concerned gasps from the audience. They watch terrified while the crutch falls like a meteor storm against her unprotected limb. Her body shudders before the blows, and her skull rings like the interior of an enormous cathedral bell. Fortunately for Krista a sixth strike shatters the crutch, calling Moneymaker's beating to a close. Clutching her near lifeless arm, she slowly steps to her feet, but even without a weapon the indomitable tyrant is still too much for her. A jarring $Billion Dollar Knee Lift$ topples the adored heroine to the ropes, and she gasps to see Mister Moneymaker directly in front of her, less then an inch away. “To alter a quote of the Bard, 'How sharper than a serpents tooth, it is to have a loveless mother.” He whispers to her. Before she has an opportunity to react, Moneymaker's open palm slices into her ample chest like a battering ram, propelling her halfway through the turnbuckle posts. Sweat and tears tumble down her grimaced cheeks, as Krista slides into the mat. A fresh gout of blood of blood streams from her hairline, which does not sit terribly well with the fans. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” sing the audience, drawing scornful gazes from both Moneymaker and Mackenzie. With Moneymaker briefly preoccupied with the Georgians, Krista seizes the moment to painfully drag her battered bones to their feet. Smoking hot blood cloaks blue eyes in an angered red, as she watches Moneymaker swoop towards her, coming feet first like some ravenous bird of prey. Moneymaker's steel toed boots smack into her head with breakneck force, spinning her around and sending her flipping head over high heels. She crashes face down into the ground, stunned senseless, and now Moneymaker moves in for the kill. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COACH First the emotional destruction of Krista Isadora Duncan, and now the physical! Mister Moneymaker is the one man wrecking crew. Krista lurches forward on the canvas, desperate to at least mount some kind of attack against her near demonic tormentor. But the entire arena spun around her vertigiously, and she drops limply back to the ground. Her blurry, blood marked eyes search for anything she can use against the onslaught. Her anguished gaze falls on a swath of silver plated steel shimmering not three centimeters away. A steel pipe! Moneymaker wades determinedly up behind the fallen beauty. He grabs her by the back of her neck, and begins to choke the obscene life straight from her body. Krista gasps for breath and the veins on her throat bulge tautly beneath her skin. “Time for the end!” Moneymaker decrees. “And if they're not careful your bygone child will suffer the same fate. BWAHAHHAHHA!” “BOOOOOO!” A glint of light catches Moneymaker's eye, and he looks up to see a flash of metal gleaming near him. Krista's hands appear circled around the metallic shimmer that comes zipping towards him with alarming speed. CRACK! Dropping Krista free of his grasp, Moneymaker teeters backwards with his hands held to his severely bleeding face. COLE Yeah! That's the way, Krista! Turning to Mackie, Moneymaker shouts, “Why in the devil didn't you warn..” he begins his interrogation only to be caught off guard by a roundhouse kick from the white platform boots of Krista herself! Moneymaker's head jerks sideways, and beads of sweat spring free of his forehead. He screams nosily, electrifying Krista, who springs towards him. Weapon raised for murderous mayhem, she charges him, slamming him over the ropes with her powerful piece of metal! "YEAAAAAA!" Perhaps foreshadowing his downfall in the Lethal Rumble, Moneymaker twists and tumbles through the air, before landing in a broken pile of sweat and bones. Face down on the mat, the only thing he can hear beyond his slow moans is the gigantic pop of the audience. An overpowering sense of fear over Krista's vile intentions leaves Moneymaker weak in every bone in his body. His fingers grope clumsily underneath the ring apron for a suitable weapon, as his mind urges him to work faster, knowing full well how out of control his opponent happens to be. Even as he lays his sweat drenched hands on a trash can lid, he fully expects Krista to pounce on him with a hailstorm of pipe assisted attacks. But to his blissful surprise, the crazed vixen is only on the ring apron, permitting him to slip out his garbage lid. He lunges upward and the sound of the lid striking Krista's head implants fear into heart of every last crowd member. They're worries aren't exactly assuaged when they watch Krista sink all the way to the ring floor, seemingly devoid of life. “BOOOOO!” they spew, as Moneymaker shows off his infamous money fingers. Moneymaker's arms extend into the ring in order to snag a steel chair, which brings upon several more ounces of venom and bile from the fans. That anger is suddenly replaced replaced by a stunned joy, when they watch Los Angeles' favorite daughter slam her arms into his bearded face. Rocked with agony, Moneymaker immediately removes the chair from his grip, and brings his hands to his sore face. BIG mistake. The record holding four time tag team champion takes hold of the chair, and thoughts of an endless bloodbath wash over her like a soothing massage. She flashes a disturbingly savage grin, as she cranks the chair open, and attaches it across Moneymaker's head like a necklace. This predicament delights the now standing fans, but obviously displeases Mackenzie, who seems to now fear for her own safety. Rightfully so. COLE Your so called “real wrestler” is getting holy hell from your much despised “entertainer” COACH That means nothing. Even Tyson managed to KO HBK. With her grin expanding into a full blown psychotic smile, Miss California guides Moneymaker off the canvas. She uses the chair as a steering while to drive her fear stricken foe forward through a one way collision course with the steel posts. Already the fans are erupting with delight, eager to witness the decimation of the nefarious villain. There's not a single bit of disappointment to be had for them, as thei fiery heroine shoves him straight into the posts. Moneymaker's face goes blank, the color departs his skin, and his balance betrays him, leaving him to stagger aimlessly until he's finally brought down to the mat. COLE The fans called for death to Moneymaker, and by George, I think Krista's trying to give it to them! COACH Not since Sherman burned Atlanta have I seen such a disgraceful crime committed against a historic and venerated body. Wiping away strands of vibrant gold hair, Krista looks nothing like the beautiful covergirl worshiped by so many. Blood reddens her eyes and face, while swollen veins pulse angrily at her temples. Scowling in unquenchable agitation she ventures near the steel barricades, and the audience backs away tremulously, fearful of the storm to come. She roars like an aggrieved lion, as she situates her clunky platform boots onto the barricade. She becomes a pink and blond whirlwind of motion, recklessly swooping and rising above Moneymaker with a corkscrew moonsault. Despite her small body weight her descending body shoots through her adversary like a bat out of hell! Moneymaker lays there helplessly and his body trembles out of pain and fear. Mere inches beyond him, Krista's hands fall around her sore stomach “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COLE Krista risking her own well being to inflict as much damage as possible on Theodore Moneymaker! COACH And why not? She risks the well being of her eldest child to preserve her upper class West LA lifestyle? Since when does this does woman care about anything besides a sale on a six pack of Coors light? With his hands tightened around the ring apron, Moneymaker's unsteadily brings himself to his feet. In search of relative safety, he slogs his battered carcass into the ring. But he's distraught to eye the sight of a knelling Krista, hands rolling through long locks, and face contorted into a sick pleasure. While he tries to get himself off the mat, Miss California easily leaps onto the second rope behind him. Unaware of this, Moneymaker stands up under the impression he'll be able to mount a strong attack. How wrong he is! Krista catches him into an inverted facelock, and the pops for the forthcoming tornado ddt are mammoth. But, Moneymaker prevents such a move from occurring by furiously pumping his fists into Krista's already wounded midsection. His hands slam off her bones with jarring impact, weakening her to the point where the billion dollar heir is able to throw her off the turnbuckle. THUD! Krista slams onto the floor, her attempts to brace herself for the fall doing little to relieve the jarring jolts that send her bouncing up and down. But, Moneymaker is in no better status though, bent over, wincing, and clinching onto his belly as if his insides were soon to pour out. Despite this obvious misery, the tycoon closes the distance between he and his beautiful foe, ready to pound her into an early gave. But, the fitness queen displays crowd pleasing fighting spirit by launching her boot directly into Moneymaker's thigh! This glorious attack buys the lusty blonde enough time rolls herself off the mat, and take control of the bout by irish whipping the Floridan into the corner. Right as Moneymaker's crashes into the poorly padded ring posts the succulent figure of Miss California is screaming towards him with a body splash. Acting with shocking quickness, Moneymaker dips low, and uses her momentum to fling her into the air behind him! She lands impaled on the ring ropes, her legs drop on either side of the ring. Its a situation that does sit overly well with the fans. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” Even in his less then optimal state, Moneymaker is inclined to a good spat with the fans, and loudly decries them as he scoops up a nearby trash can. Before Krista's panicked eyes, the flashing speed of the steel weapon comes torpedoing upon her. SMASH! Krista is airborne, flung off the ropes and into the mat, where an ear-pounding ringing assails her head. More attacks come, and Krista feels as if she were being beaten to a pulp inside a blender. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The fans try to rally her to her feet. For an instant and uncomfortable calm replaces the once ceaseless crashes. Through grungy strands of hair, Kris sees the unfortunate source of this standstill is Moneymaker affixing his trash can onto the top rope. Not offering a single second for Krista to concoct a counter attack, Moneymkaer marches towards her and clamps down her hair with an unbreakable grip. Krista clenches her teeth in horror, as her constant tormentor manically drives her straight across the ring. Once he reaches the edge of the ring, he slams his rival into the trash can with a sickening thud. The force of the collision feels like its shattered her entire face, and the breath is knocked from her body. Against her will, her feet leave the floor as she tumbles towards the dingy mat. The cameras capture images of the fans shocked with worry over the fate of the most popular woman in the OAOAST. Elsewhere, Mackenzie doesn't even bother to try and suppress her joy, loudly laughing at Krista's fate. COLE Oh my! How much longer can Krista hold out? Despite the incredible pain she's under, she's able to get to her feet on her own power. Unfortunately, that's about all she can do, as the Yale alum seizes her arm and fires her into a vacant corner. The fantastic impact from the collision with the pads brings shockwaves of agony to Krista's back as she staggers away from the corner. Eventually the pain becomes too much to bear for the moment, and her knees give away, dropping her to the canvas. At that point Moneymaker pounces on her for the first pinfall of the match... ONE! TWO! Krista pulls her shoulder off the canvas, pleasing the audience immensely! Not quite as pleased is Mackenzie, who, squealing archly, argues that the count bordered on the slow side. Moneymaker leaves the complaints to his right hand woman, and with trash can in tow begins to scale atop the turnbuckles. COACH Mister Moneymaker is going is going for it all! Invest big, return big. That's the motto that has turned the Moneymaker family into an empire that spans continents. As the crowd continues to pelt him with vulgar chants, Moneymaker departs the top rope, holding the trash can in front of his stout body like some manner of oversized chest protector. While ripping through the air, Moneymaker spots the distressing sight of Kris rolling away from his path. Unfortunately he as no time to do anything more then brace for impact. And what impact it is, his chest caving through the flimsy metal, his agape mouth pouring out ear piercing screams. All of that thrills the crowd, and they wildly applaud Moneymaker's latest failure. Adding to their joy is Krista Isadora Duncan, through sore bones and bruised skin climbing to the highest turnbuckle. But any happy thoughts of Moneymaker's demise they may embark in, are seemingly dashed into dust by Mackenzie's shimmering evening gown clad body arrive onto the ring apron. The underhanded she-devil doesn't approach unarmed, as her fabulously low cut outfit is accessorized by another trash can and a hockey stick! As Krista failed to detect Mackenzie's arrival (odd, because its another hot lesbian in a skimpy outfit), her fellow Los Angelina is able to shroud her in darkness inside the trash can. COLE Why? You've done enough! You've done enough, damn it! Lending no attention to the pleas of announcer, crowd, and official alike, Mackenzie happily crashes the hockey stick into the trash can with every bit of strength in her body! The sickening sound of wood clanking off metal fills the arena as Krista's body flares through the air like a bright pink supernova. Mackenzie's deep red lips curve into a wide smile, as she watches Krista's corpse nosedive into the floor, and her charred remains left awkwardly contorted within the trash can. “BOOOOO” shrieks the Phillips Arena, while Mackenzie takes a page out of Krista's book and gracefully bows to their less then kind comments. Feigning sympathy for Krista's suffering, Moneymaker gazes into the nearest camera and adds, “Dear, sweet mystery child of Krista Isadora Duncan, with your identity soon to be revealed as per my master plan. We only have One Mom, One Mommy, One Mother in this World, One life. Don't wait for the Tomorrows to tell Mom, you love her. BWHAHAHAAHAH!” As the fans look on in hatred and horror, the loud mouthed moneyed man takes into the skies with his trademark billion dollar knee lift. Tortured screams erupt from inside the trash can, as the crippling pain burns through the trapped glamor girl's body. COLE Good god, this is heinous. Do these Enterprise hounds not know when enough is enough? Moneymaker himself fares only scantly better from that signature strike, his face mangled by an indescribable anguish as he hobbles onto his now badly wounded legs. Acting in perfect strategy with her boss is Mackenzie, who opens a steel chair near the corner posts furtherest away from Krista. While Mackenzie rejoices in the misery soon to befall her detested rival, her leader yanks Krista free of the mishapped trash can. Minus any hints of life or spirit, she looks as though she's about to incur further injury as Moneymaker begins whipping her to towards the chair. But, somehow the tanned goddess reverses Moneymaker's hold and the wealthy brawler is sent rushing towards his own trap. Terribly disappointing to the audience, Moneymaker, actually grabs onto the top of chair to keep the rest of his body from trampling over it! COACH That was a little to close for us Moneymaker fans. Or as I like to call us, Moneymarks! COLE What is this us junk? You're the only one who likes him. He lost to Landon Maddix for heel of the year by only a few votes! Reaching from the outside of the ring, Mackenzie begins situating the oft-used trash can between the second and third ropes. The audience's attention remains on the other underdressed blonde, who's smooth legs are hurling a leaping sidekick at the tycoon's head. But Moneymaker ducks beneath her incoming strike, causing her to sail harmlessly past. When she lands on her oversized boots, the billion dollar heir captures her billion dollar body into her arms in hopes of crushing her with a fall forward slam. But, the combo of sweat and baby oil makes the Los Angeles native a far too slippery prey to keep hold of, and he clumsily looses his hold on her! ““K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”” Free from Moneymaker's clutches on her, Krista haphazardly tries to shove him into the chair. But, Moneymaker is pushed forward a mere few inches before he returns to Miss California with a lariat. The Anglepalooza poster girl ducks beneath the strike, and when her adversary comes rocketing back with a mirror effort, she laces long boots around his ankles for a drop toe hold. Such a simple move has disastrous implications for Moneymaker, as his neck is severed by the steel chair, and his head rams into the trash can! Surrounded by an onrush of cheers, Moneymaker falls to the mat, face flushed with a pain he's never before felt. ““K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”” COACH She could've crushed his larynx! She just may have crushed his larynx! Keenly aware of the fact that Moneymaker may well be on his way to a very rare loss, Mackenzie enacts the emergency plan. Into the ring the Enterprise madame slides, moving with such ferocity and speed, you'd think she were in actual wrestling tights a three thousand dollar gown. Her addition to the fracas, pulls the audience's attention away from Simon Singleton and Christian Wright, both of whom rush down the ramp at top speeds. But most importantly Mackenzie's in ring presence distracts Krista, giving Wright and Simon the necessary time to pull Moneymaker out the ring. “BOOOOOOO!” "SILENCE!" Singleton screams, getting a dirty look from CW, because, well, that's CW's line. Problematically, The Enterprise has not quite covered for getting Mackenzie out of harms way, and thus there's no one to counter the foolishness she displays when she inexplicably challenges Krista. COLE Is this woman insane? Really you've done more enough to Krista and now she's going to do plenty to you! With a piercing wail, Mackenzie launches herself full blast at Krista. But even in her poor condition, Krista is game for Mackenzie's challenge. Krista grabs hold of her foe's arms, pinning them to her sides, and instantly etching remarkable fear onto her face. Frantically, Mackenzie tries to pull free, but the surprising strength of Krista, keeps her in a panic inducing submissive position. Her hands furiously gnaw at Krista's hair, but leave her unprotected to Miss California's heated shredding of her gown. As exhilarating helpings of her perfect glistening skin become touched by the cold arena air, the audience hollers in delight while Mackenzie shrieks in fear. The gorgeous babes roll across the floor, Mackenzie trying to rip Krista's hair from her scalp, Krista performing the crowd pleasing task of freeing Mackenzie's body from her sparkling bonds. Mackie is eager to use the sloppy brawling as a means to escape the dominant woman's clutches. But to her great frustration, Krista lands on top of her, pinning her to the ring floor. Face lined with desperation, Mackenzie utilizes every bit of energy to fight for her freedom. But mounted by a woman with the strength of an amazon makes escape fairly impossible. Drawing a large pop is the arrival of celebrity chef turned superstar recording artist, Alix Maria Spezia, outfitted in faded jeans, and a mink fur coat, NONE OF THAT FAKE SHIT. Quickly Alix reaches the edge of the ring, and uses her strength to pull Mackenzie free of Krista's prison. This is not a particularly pleasant occurrence for the audience who were enjoying the steamy catfight. Not paying them much attention, the pop diva ushers the barely clothed Mackenzie's behind her. Just the sight of Alix's presence causes Krista to lose her temper entirely. He slams her fist against the turnbuckles, causing the ropes to vibrate wildly. Murderously her anger flares, as she sees neither guilt nor shame in Alix's eyes, just a dismissive if not scornful gaze. The type of gaze given to someone you feel isn't worthy of withholding a second of your time. Krista leans over the ropes, smirking with a mischievous, loaded grin, one that tells the retreating group, they'll be meeting her again very soon. BUFFER The winner as a result of a forfeit....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Though the fans are quite pleased that Krista scored what's technically considered a victory, its a wholly hollow achievement as Moneymaker stands atop the entry way laughing his fool head off while his arm tightly squeezes Alix's shoulder in both appreciation and gloating. Behind Alix and Moneymaker, Singleton and Mackenzie raise their hands in triumph, and toss a number of taunts Krista's way. Wright stays silent, realizing he could very well be insulting his own mother! COLE I'm certain we haven't heard the last of this war between The Enterprise and Krista Isadora Duncan, and I know we haven't heard the last of Moneymaker, he'll be in the rumble later on tonight. Fortunately for him his loyal henchmen CPA will also be there to watch his back. Bit of an unfair advantage for the billion dollar heir if you ask me. COACH Nothing wrong with having guys your tight with in there! Sure its every man for himself, but don't act like D*LUX wouldn't watch Leon Rodez's back, or Logan won't watch Synth's. You've still got your friends and allies up until there's two people left, that's when it really is everyman for himself. COLE Well,how about we go backstage for more drawings?

We're now transported back to the drawing room, where Maggie and AngleSault are chatting away having watched that last footage on a monitor. The chat is interrupted however by the World Six Man Tag Team Champions, LOVE GENERATION, heading on into the room. Maggie obviously perks up at the sight of her boyfriend, Leon giving her a wink as he shakes AS's hand. LEON Nice tumble girl. Any more where she came from? ANGLESAULT Well now that you mention it... LEON Betcha can't name them all! Here's a tip, they usually start with an 'M'. Leon pats his D*LUX team-mates on the back. LEON Okay guys, now I know we're 6-Man Tag Team Champions together... for what that's worth... but tonight it's all on the line. Any one of us three could win the Lethal Rumble and go on to AngleMania. And by any one of us, I mean me. I think what I'm trying to say here is, all for one and one for all! SHAYNE Haha! Like the Three Musketeers! LEON Yes... thank you... that might not have been clear had you not clarified that. Jade and Maggie finish gossiping away in the background, as a sighing Leon taps the tumbler. Maggie quickly gets it spinning, Leon whispering under his breath to Jade "where did you find these idiots again" while Tyler and Shayne look on excitedly. With another tap Leon gets the tumbler stopped, picking his number and stepping aside. MAGGIE Hey, Jade, are you going to grab Shayne and Tyler's balls for them? That joke gets an audible groan from Leon, to his girlfriend's disappointment. Tyler and Shayne are infact left to grab their own balls (ANOTHER HILARIOUS PUN!) and as everyone gets a look at their numbers, it's mixed feelings for all. Before they can discuss who got what though, more bodies pile in, as Melody Nerdly leads in her World Tag Team Champion Gunslingers as the sole Christ Air Express rep in the Rumble, MARV. ANGLESAULT Ah, gentlemen, come on in. Melody, good to see you. MELODY What, I'm Madison, idiot! Nah, just playin'. Gets them everytime. So, yayz or nayz? The large group of extended friends and family that are Leon, D*LUX, Melody, Maggie, LSGS, CAE (1 of them!) and Jade get lost in one big discussion, leaving poor AngleSault looking on oblivious to what anyone's saying. Amongst all this MARV manages to pluck out his number, before Jock and Baron do the same. MELODY Hey guys, before you open them up, do you want me to squeeze your balls for good luck? Much to Maggie annoyance, Leon cracks up on hearing that joke. Jade gives her a consoling shrug as everyone passes their number on to AS just to make it official, Melody looking pretty pleased at the draw her guys got. (Patty sez if you listen closely u can hear MEL crying in the corner!) THIS WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! The Conference Semi Finals begin... Los Infernales Conference: The Christ Air Express vs. Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference: Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright vs. D*LUX LIVE FROM CLEVELAND, OHIO

COLE One of our feature bouts this evening is for the One & Only World tag team championship as the Lone Star Gunslingers, despite being the champions, look to reclaim their titles after they were stolen by James Blonde and Faqu two weeks ago. * SWOOSH * HeldDOWN~! January 17, 2008 We cut backstage to “Mean” Gene Okerlund with a couple of intense Gunslingers. Melody Nerdly’s there also, but only as window dressing as she remains in hot water after skipping a house show to attend a nearby Halo 3 LAN party. GENE Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels, after the footage we just saw you gotta be chomping at the bit to get your hands on James Blonde and Faqu. JOCK That’s putting it mildly, Gene. James Blonde and Faqu, you’ve disrespected us in a way no one has before. We’re not so much upset about you kicking our ass because that’s apart of the sport. It’s kill or be killed. We’re hot under the collar about the robbery you committed on the people. The stolen property you’re walking around with belongs to them, and we intend on getting it back! BARON The last time we spoke Jock and I talked about respect, and how much of it we had for James Blonde and Faqu. Well that’s all out the window now. Yeah, we respect your ability, but personally you ain’t nothing more than a bunch of lowlifes. Mess with us all you want, but when you start going after family, which Jock and I consider Melody and our fans, then hell’s to be paid, boys. That’s why our match tonight is dedicated to all the people who’ve supported through thick and thin, because the Lone Star Gunslingers won’t rest until justice is served! Jock “fires” into the camera as the Gunslingers and Melody ride off in the sunset. GENE There you have it from here. Back to you ringside at Sofa Central BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the One & Only World tag team championship! "Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship plays in the background as the match graphic pops up on-screen. BUFFER Introducing first, the challengers, representing Cucaracha Internacional. At a total combined weight of 590 pounds, "THE MOVER FROM VANCOUVER" JJAAAAAAAMMEEEEEESSSS BLONDE and "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" LANDON MADDIX and MEGAN SKYE come along for the ride as well, leading Blonde and Faqu -- who still possess the tag titles after stealing them from their rightful owners -- to the ring. COLE Hold on a minute. After what happened last time Landon Maddix and Megan Skye have no business ringside! COACH They’re apart of the team now, Cole. Who are you to say they can’t show their support? COLE You mean aiding and abetting? Because they sure as hell won’t stick to just cheering in the corner. Apparently OAOAST officials agree, as the challengers find themselves surrounded by referees/agents and one of the famed Wise Men in the OAOAST, “Cowboy” Bill Watts, who informs Maddix and Skye they’re “OUTTA HERE!” “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” LANDON MEGAN BLONDE FAQU Maddix refuses to oblige, that is until Watts threatens to award the match to the Lone Star Gunslingers via forfeit. COACH He can’t do that! COLE Of course he can. The Cowboy wields a lot of power as a senior executive. COACH He puts the senior in senior executive. Landon agrees to leave but not without giving Watts a piece of his mind first. BUFFER And their opponents! “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” BUFFER Accompanied by MELODY NERDLY, from San Antonio, Texas, total combine weight 497 pounds, the ONE & ONLY World tag team champions… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! The Gunslingers burst out of the curtain with a ton of energy, firing up the crowd as Melody fires her imaginary pistols in the direction of Landon and Megan off to the side. Down the aisle they go slapping hands and waving like good baby faces. COLE Here they come, arguably the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, the Lone Star Gunslingers with Melody Nerdly! COACH Spare me the hyperbole. They’re good, but they’re not great. Let alone the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time. If the Gunslingers find a way to get by James Blonde and Faqu, which I don’t think they will, then waiting in the wings are the former champions, the Heavenly Rockers. COLE They’d first have to win the 2008 Anderson Cup. And with the level of talent involved that’s no guarantee. Blonde and Faqu draw a line in the sand, draping the tag titles across the center of the ring. Never ones to back down from a fight the Gunslingers allow their competitiveness to get in the way and walk into the line of fire! * DINGDINGDING * Faqu catches Baron sliding in under the bottom rope with a well placed foot to the back of the neck, while Blonde clubs Jock over the back with the tag belt. They continue to dominate the champions, beating them into the ground just as they did two weeks ago. Face-first into opposite turnbuckles go the Gunslingers. Dazed and confused, the champs somehow manage to reverse a pair of Irish whips, causing Blonde and Faqu to crash into one another mid-ring! COACH That can’t feel good. Needless to say, James Blonde gets the worse of it. The impact from running into Faqu knocking him out to the floor, a spot his partner joins him at following a double clothesline! “YEAH!” COLE The champs walking tall in the early going. COACH It was like a mini-Lethal Rumble in there, Cole. Had it been Faqu would be eliminated. The action resumes inside with Jock Mulligan and James Blonde, who challenges the Texas Twister to a test of strength, only to SLAP the taste out of his mouth! JOCK Blonde retreats to his corner and tags Faqu. “BOO!” COLE Mr. Tough Guy this James Blonde is, huh? The guy picks a fight and then hides behind Faqu. COACH Blonde starts fires, Faqu puts them out. Both men lockup, and Jock grabs a side headlock, but Faqu lifts him up and tosses the 6’6” Gunslinger halfway across the squared circle with ease! Like any good cowboy Jock dusts himself off and gets right back on the saddle, hooking ‘em back up with the Samoan Wrecking Ball…only to be slammed. COACH Everybody knows Texans are stubborn, but Jock Mulligan is reinforcing that notion. Just because you’re big and tall doesn’t mean you can match power, idiot. Jock lures Faqu into a false sense of security and stomps his bare foot, ramming him into the buckle afterwards, failing to remember Samoans have thick skulls! Faqu no sells the blow and answers with a head BUTT. A tag is made and the challengers backdrop Mulligan on the rebound, followed by a DOUBLE STOMP from James Blonde! ONE… KICKOUT! Scoop and a slam, and Blonde heads up to the middle rope, but Jock gets the BOOT UP and the Mover from Vancouver wanders around in a daze. The Gunslingers tag and Baron Windels knocks Blonde off his feet with a flying lariat! ONE… KICKOUT! Blonde’s whipped into the ropes and flipped overhead. He pops to his feet and goes right back down courtesy of a standing dropkick. Baron looks to end the match early with his patent superplex, but James RAKES THE EYES and shoves Windels to the mat. He repositions himself on the middle rope and scores with a MARTY JANETTY FIST DROP! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Blonde stays on the attack, placing Windels in a reverse chinlock. *clap*clap*clap*clap* Melody rallies the crowd in support of Baron, and it works. Baron land a series of elbows and fires James off into the ropes, smacking him in the face with a BIG BOOT! COLE James Blonde may be walking around town with a few less teeth after this one. Baron succumbs to the DEVIL’S ADDICTION, slamming James over his head and tags Jock. Together they send Blonde in for the ride and chop him down with the ARKANSAS TOOTHPICK! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Jock smashes Blonde into the buckle and mounts the middle rope, driving his fist into the face. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10! The Texas Twister drapes Blonde over his right shoulder and rumbles forward, planting him in the middle of the ring with the TEXAS PRAYER BOOK RUNNING POWERSLAM!! ONE… TWO… NO! Save by Faqu. COACH Poor James Blonde. He’s been singled out by the Lone Star Gunslingers and keeps on ticking despite taking a licking. COLE Blonde displaying a tremendous amount of toughness here tonight. There’s no denying that. Irish whip, but it’s reversed and Jock takes a cheap shot from Faqu. He retaliates in kind and gets blindsided with a dropkick, sending him tumbling over the top to the floor! COLE That’s not a good place to be with the Samoan Wrecking Ball out there with you. Referee Charles Robinson needs to keep a close eye on him. James Blonde makes sure that doesn’t happen, suckering Baron inside to divert the referee’s attention while Faqu whips Jock into the guardrail and splashes him against the steel! “OH!” Jock crumbles to the ground in a world of hurt. Melody rushes over his to aid but is quickly order back to the Gunslingers corner by Charles Robinson. Faqu places Jock on the apron and Blonde suplexes him back in, then makes the cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Faqu sticks his head through the middle rope and Blonde rams Jock into it! COACH That’s using your head. COLE And there’s the tag. Faqu the legal man. Whipped into the ropes Jock ducks a clothesline and nails the Faqu with a BANDIT KICK! Amazingly, the Samoan Wrecking Ball stays on his feet. He shakes off the cobwebs and tells Jock to bring it. And he does. Again and again, but Faqu still won’t go down. A MISSLE DROPKICK only staggers the big man. So the Texas Twister picks up steam and unloads with a DISCUS PUNCH that has no effect! COLE This man is awesome. I can’t believe he’s still standing. Faqu stuns Jock with a palm strike and fires him off, but Jock comes back with a CRUCIFIX. Or so he tries as he struggles to bring the Samoan Wrecking Ball down. Baron helps out with that, dropkicking Faqu, as the late Gorilla Monsoon would say, right in the kisser! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Both men return to their feet around the same time, but it’s Faqu who’s able to make the first move, nailing Jock with a THRUST KICK. He slams Jock in the center of the ring and goes up top, ROARING at the top of his lungs as he crashes down onto the Texas Twister with a BIG SPLASH!! MELODY ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Baron makes the save. “YEAH!” MELODY Faqu dumps Jock outside so that James Blonde can do a number on him as he gets into it with Baron. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE This is ridiculous. Isn’t anybody watching on a monitor backstage?! COACH Let the wrestlers police themselves, Cole. Anytime one of your favorites is on the receiving end of a BUTT-kicking you cry foul. Be a man. RANDY SAVAGE OOOOOOH YEEEEAAH! Face-first… NO! Jock blocks it and introduces Blonde to the STEEL STEPS instead! “YEAH!” Confronted near the apron by Faqu, Jock thrusts his shoulder between the ropes and slingshots in for a sunset flip…but Faqu sits down on him! Reaching back, Faqu hooks the leg. COLE That…that may have taken everything out of him. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” FAQU Tag made, and James Blonde shoves Jock in the corner, punishing him with knees to the midsection and hard right hands. He whips him across and follows in with a CLOTHESLINE, then spikes him with a RUNNING BULLDOG! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! SAVE BY BARON! An illegal switch is made as Charles Robinson admonishes Baron for his actions, causing Melody to throw her arms up in the air, frustrated that went unseen. Robinson notices Blonde has turned into an angry Samoan and questions both men, who of course deny any shenanigans. COLE Like they’d tell you, ref. Yeah, we did it. So? What are you going to do about it? Faqu stuns Jock with a series of head butts, and then floors him with a thrust punch to the throat. Jock eats a foot to the face before he’s whipped in for a spine crunching SAMOAN DROP! ONE… TWO… Kickout. And just barely. After a legal tag, the Mover from Vancouver swings over the top and off the middle rope… COACH Lionsault. You can stick a folk in Jock, he’s done. …BUT JOCK GETS THE KNEES UP! “YEAH!” Blonde smartly tags out. Faqu sets Jock for a high angle back suplex, but the Texas Twister floats over and rolls him up in a SCHOOL BOY! The fans jump out of their seats. Her fingers crossed, Melody hopes this is it. ONE… TWO… THR-- KICKOUT! “OH!” COLE A half-a-count away from one of the most miraculous victories in any sport. COACH Where does he get it from, Cole? A normal man would’ve been finished long ago. The Gunslingers are really showing me something tonight. COLE The same can be said for James Blonde and Faqu, who’ve put up a helluva fight thus far. No matter the outcome, they’ve solidify themselves as a top contender in my eyes. Faqu catches Jock with another thrust kick. Rather than go for the cover he whips him to the corner -- and with such force Jock drops to the seat of his pants! Like a bull seeing red, Faqu’s eyes widen. Hopping from side to side, the Samoan Wrecking Ball charges forward while releasing a blood curling scream and RAMS HIS ASS UPSIDE JOCK’S HEAD! SAMOA! Melody can’t bear to watch, turning away as Faqu signals the end. Then it hits her. She hands Baron a STEEL CHAIR and hops on the apron to distract the referee. As Faqu lifts Jock for his double underhook piledriver, Baron enters the ring and… * BOOM * …wallops the Samoan Wrecking Ball across the back! “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Faqu slowly turns around and gets popped in the head as well! The Samoan Wrecking Ball teeters before going down. COACH Defend your boy now, Cole. That was uncalled for. Fueled by the crowd’s support Jock musters every bit of strength left in his body to make the tag, but James Blonde and Faqu are the first to do so. Jock spots it out of the corner of his eye and dives towards his corner for the HOT TAG~! “YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Baron comes in firing rights and Cowboy Bebop elbows, then whips Blonde across and decks him with a flying lariat. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Windels sends Blonde into the buckle and hammers away from the middle rope as the crowd counts each blow. Baron feels Faqu sneaking up on him and wipes him out with a diving back elbow! Now it’s his turn to get some of what James Blonde was having -- a nice big helping of Baron Windels’ fist. Baron pummels the Samoan Wrecking Ball until he’s clubbed from behind by Blonde, who digs into his tights and pulls out BRASS KNUCKLES as the ref checks on the fallen Gunslinger. COLE Not again! Faqu holds Jock up, but he ducks and Blonde winds up knocking out his own partner with the knucks! “YEAH!” BLONDE Baron spins Blonde and serves him a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL (LEAPING) DDT! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Baron’s not through yet. COACH What’s the meaning of this? If you’re going to pin the guy, pin him. Don’t be looking to add insult to injury. COLE (scoffs) Look who’s talking. Jock returns to the picture, bear hugging Blonde as Baron shoots off the ropes with a FLYING LARIAT! COLE Lone Star Lasso! ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winners of the match and STILL your One & Only World tag team champions, Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Melody jumps the Gunslingers inside, embracing the sweaty men in short shorts with the excitement of a young girl attending a Hannah Montana concert as Charles Robinson hands the tag titles back to them. COLE Congratulations to the Lone Star Gunslingers for regaining and successfully defending their championship and to the team of James Blonde and Faqu for a valiant effort. But they learned cheaters never win. COACH Then why are the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl? COLE The game hasn’t been played yet! COACH Yep, answers my question. Wishing thinking on your part. COLE Well, folks, our next major event will be next month in Saint Louis, Missouri, and it is the Leap Year Spectacular. I believe that is where the finals of two thousand eight Anderson Cup will be taking place, so make sure you're tuned to TSM that night. A MARVelous Experience Once Every Four Years February 28th 2008

THE LIGHTS GO DARK~! The opening melody of THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters rings out. Two white lights at the head of the ramp raise to half, aimed at the main entrance, where white smoke is billowing down, obscuring the back completely. GREEN LASERS create the same phoenix/moon design from the shirt Cone was wearing earlier against the wall of smoke. Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend Keep you in the dark And so it all began BOOOOOM~! FIRE EXPLODES all along the stage and in the entrance way, which Phoenix proudly marches through, miraculously unscathed. Still wearing the shirt with his ring gear, he pauses at the top of the ramp, surrounded by Booker-T-like plumes of pulsing fire. Widow is just behind and to the side, gesturing towards him like a car model showing off the best piece of machinery in the show. COLE And here it is, fans! The in-ring return of Spider-Poet, James Cone, the Lunar Phoenix is upon us! COACH And the debut of the Craziest Clown this century. The music is rolling now and Phoenix is in his element. He makes his way towards the ring, playing to the crowd, which is going fairly crazy. Both of them are too distracted to notice MISS JOBBS sneaking in around the edges of the stage. She's behind Widow, locking her arms around her waist before she can do anything about it. COLE What the hell? Wrong entrance, Jobbs! Jobbs hauls up and back, a clean and harsh GERMAN SUPLEX, slamming Widow into the ramp. Widow was unprepared and unprotected, leaving her stunned. Phoenix turns, quickly sorts out what happened and angrily rushes Jobbs, but she throws her hands up innocently. Phoenix pauses, unsure as to whether he should hit a woman. To further complicate it, Jobbs pulls a pair of glasses from her cleavage and puts them on. She shrugs - you wouldn't hit a girl with glasses, would you? JESTER flies out of the audience, throwing off a trench coat that was concealing a folded chair, and a hat. Phoenix senses him and turns, just in time to catch a CHAIR TO THE FACE, with no shielding. It knocks Phoenix back off his feet, and busts him open severely. The music has stopped and the crowd is frenzied. Widow is out of it as Jester and Jobbs lay into Phoenix, who is trying to stay on all fours as they kick him in the ribs and in the face. Jester brings the chair down full force across his back, putting him down. The Crazy Clown walks a few feet up the ramp and sets the chair down flat and folded. Jobbs straddles Widow and starts punching her mercilessly. After a moment, she grins, the glasses now lopsided, and pulls a set of brass knuckles out of her bosom - WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE! COACH Well that settles it. Those can't be real, Cole. COLE Damn. I'm out ten bucks! But Widow and Phoenix might be out a whole lot more. Somebody needs to break this up! Jester picks Phoenix up, or at least attempts to. The first clear look we get of Phoenix's face reveals a red mask of syrupy hardcoreness and a thoroughly dazed expression. The clown starts dragging Phoenix towards the chair. COLE Oh my goodness, nothing good is going to come of this. Instead of punching Widow with the barbed knucks, Jobbs instead starts GRINDING THEM INTO HER FOREHEAD. It seems to wake Widow up a little and she tries to struggle back, but Jobbs has the clear advantage right now. Jester gets Phoenix where he wants him and sets him up for what appears to be a Suplex. But when he hauls him up, he holds it, like a - COLE A JACKHAMMER?! Close. Jester brings it home, but it isn't a jackhammer. It's more like a strange Suplex/DDT, DRIVING PHOENIX'S HEAD RIGHT INTO THE CHAIR! Phoenix is OUT! Refs and security come rushing out to break it all up. As they jerk Jester away, he's grinning maniacally. He smears his fingers in Phoenix's blood just as he's hauled back and away, and he SMEARS IT along the corners of his mouth to create an even CREEPIER grin than he already had. He begins to laugh. He laughs hard and he laughs long, almost as if he's relieved. Jobbs, also being held away from Widow, who is writhing, holding her face, also begins cackling Security and the Refs haul them both away as medics try to assess Phoenix and Widow. COLE The return of James Cone to an OAOAST ring, what should've been a great moment for him and our fans, turned out to be memorable for all the wrong reasons, thanks to Jester and that Jobbs character. However, as luck would have it, Phoenix has a chance to turn it all around later on tonight in our thirty man Lethal Rumble! COACH Yeah but you never know where Jester lurks. Security better be on very high alert just in case. Otherwise we may have a thirty one man Lethal Rumble. COLE Sticking to the subject of the Lethal Rumble, our superstars have been drawing their order of entry all night long. As a matter of fact, its still on going. Let's take a look! Back in the Lethal Rumble drawing room, OAOAST President AngleSault is standing by, clipboard in hand with Maggie Nerdly at the tumbler. Maggie absent-mindedly juggles with a couple of the numbers to AS's bemusement. ANGLESAULT Alright, lets get this show on the road before we lose any number, shall we? Bring the first guys in, could you? Off screen, the lowly security guard at the door does just that. First at the door, apparantly, are THE ENTERPRISE! All five male members, plus Molly Nerdly unpaid intern, walk in with Theodore at the front of the cue laughing away and rubbing his hands in excitement. AS begrudgingly shakes the out-stretched hand on Moneymaker, while Ned limbers CPA up for the gruelling task of picking a number. MONEYMAKER HAHAHA! Alright boss, let's get down to business. How much for #30, huh? HAHAHAHA! ANGLESAULT We've already got a number thirty... MONEYMAKER I know, I know. That was a little rich man humour... probably why you didn't get it! HAHAHA! No, I don't need to throw down any of my vast fortune, because tonight I've got all the insurance I need, right here. Moneymaker pats CPA on the back and the rest of The Enterprise begin to laugh, before suddenly splitting down the middle. The reason for this is the entrance into the room of the three members of... well, now, Cucaracha Internacional, with Landon Maddix and Megan Skye trailing along behind. Cucaracha Internacional and The Enterprise assemble in their groups, Landon and the still amused Moneymaker at the front. Faqu stares down Ned and Simon, who shrink into the background a little. MADDIX Teddy. MONEYMAKER Landon. I see you brought some moral support along as well. Any of these guys in the Rumble with you? I'm sorry I don't recognise any of them, I don't tend to watch Syndicated all that often. A chuckle goes up from The Enterprise, even the Blonds, despite their two straight weeks of competition on said show. Landon has a wry smile too. MADDIX Ah, Teddy, Teddy. No, as a matter of fact, they're not. But that's okay, because it keeps things simple. Civility, you know? I mean, I wouldn't want any of these three guys to think they HAD to step aside and let their boss win, incase he decides not to loan back their testicles again in the future. (looks up at CPA) How's it goin', big fella? CPA makes a move towards Landon, but Moneymaker holds him back. MONEYMAKER Easy, easy. There'll be plenty of time for that. Ya see Landon, I admire the fact you're looking to create your own little 'dynasty' here in the OAOAST. But tonight we'll see how you fair against The Enterprise, after all it'll be every man for himself out there. Maybe we'll see you along the way. MADDIX If you make it past Krista. MONEYMAKER Ah, yes, Krista. Blonde. Petite. Smart mouth. Remind you of anyone, Landon? That shuts Landon up, Megan having to whisper to James Blonde that Moneymaker wasn't referring to her... or him. ANGLESAULT Guys, I hate to break this touching moment up, but if we could move it along? MONEYMAKER Fine. MADDIX Some people, huh? MONEYMAKER I know. First Landon dips into the tumbler, followed closely by Moneymaker and finally big CPA. As Landon struggles with the plastic ball, Moneymaker pops open his, taking a look at his number... and, possibly tellingly, he says no more. Snatching hold of CPA's hand, Moneymaker gets a glance at his number as well... and still says nothing to Landon, who gives a shrug as he shows his number around to his newfound associates. MADDIX Not bad. Not that it matters of course, I mean... MONEYMAKER Come on. MADDIX Teddy? MONEYMAKER Guys, come on! Let's go! MOVE IT! Teddy shooes his Enterprise towards the door, to smirks all around from Black, Blonde and Megan. MADDIX Should I take that as a sign not to ask how you did? *SLAM!* With The Enterprise hurriedly down, the muttering and footsteps from behind the door disappearing, Landon grins to himself. COLE That didn't look like good news for Theodore Moneymaker. That might be the last of his worries right now though Coach, he might not even make it to use his number if Krista has her way tonight! COACH Moneymaker, like Landon Maddix, always has a plan. Don't you worry about him. COLE Trust me I wasn't. OAOAST QuizDown is presented by OAOAST Lethal Intent now available for Nintendo DS Who won the first ever Anglepalooza Royal/Lethal Rumble: A.Sandman B.Anglesault C.Sole Survivor D.Zack Malibu The answer still to come!