Patty O'Green

Cavaliers 98 at Lakers 95 this can't be life, this can't be love, this can't be right, there's gotta be more, this can't be us

ay yo first off b suk a dik no homo second the tale of Dejon is a timeless five star classic for all generations to feast they mental appetite on. no homo.

Which one of you is Dejon Bivens??????? "When you think of someone being charged with "crimes against nature" in today's society, usually the offense involves the dissolution of the ozone layer due to careless plastic factories or those cheap bastards who refuse to purchase the energy-saving light bulbs that resemble sex toys. Or, if you're in Raleigh, North Carolina, it means that you're a popular N.C. State male tennis player who wantonly climbs into bed with one of your teammates at 3 a.m. to give him him a surprise wake-up blow job. As a member of the tennis team and a stand out in high school, 19-year-old Dejon Bivens of Charlotte is used to having his picture taken, but the mugshot he took over the weekend wasn't voluntary. Raleigh police charged him with crimes against nature. Details of the incident were released in a search warrant. There was an off-campus party last Friday at the apartment of one of the tennis team members. The player told police he went to bed around 3 a.m. Saturday and was awakened two hours later by Bivens performing oral sex on him. Police arrested and served Bivens with the search warrant that allowed investigators get a saliva sample. He was released on bond that same day. I'm sure the Raleigh police department treated Dejon with the utmost respect during questioning and procurement of the saliva sample. It's a region well-known for its tolerance about these kind of unfortunate mistakes."

No-DQ: Krista Vs Theodore Moneymaker (w/Mackenzie or CPA or Wright or whoever makes my writing life easier)

HD: If you call a segment for HD (opener, mainevent) then don't get it in by the time I'm done posting the show, I'm gonna put something else in the spot you called. If you finish an hour or two after the show is posted, then you know, you can edit it in or whatever. Beyond that if its not in within that time frame, no mainevent. PPV/Spectaculars par Tony: If the originally scheduled main event is delayed longer than a day or two then whoever's posting the show has the option of selecting a replacement. If you call an opener the same rule applies. Hopefully, these can motivate people to get things done on time!

Oh, no, you did not!!!!!!!!!!!! :ph34r: :ph34r:

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory along with the beautifully produced introductory video welcome us to another night of OAOAST programming. Various images of the OAOAST superstars in all their fantastic glory, joy, agony, and defeat rip across the video landscape, finally leading into the.... Our view is switched to the arena, where the orange polo clad announcers, Michael Cole and The Coach sit in the cushy confines of Sofa Central, waiting to break down the evenings festivities. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we are in Calgary, Alberta, Canada home of the Calgary Flames, and this Sunday we will be at the hold home of The Flames, Atlanta for Anglepalooza. This year's leathal rumble is our most stacked rumble yet wouldn't you say? COACH Absolutely, Cole, absolutely. Malibu, Maddix, PRL, Reject, all men who have a great chance of walking out of Atlanta with a ticket to mainevent Anglemania in Los Angeles. I count at least twelve guys I could seriously see walking away with the victory. But tonight's show is still poppin with Anderson Cup action, Team Heyross, a favorite for tournament victory in many circles, goes against Jumbo and Deuce. And I'm callin it right now, Jumbo and Deuce's size ain't no match for the athleticism of Team Heyross. None at all. COLE How about our other match, pitting The Love Doctors and The Wrecking Crew? COACH We ain't seen The Docs in a minute but that could go either way. Both teams are mirror images of each other. They're up, they're down, them boys is all over the place. No consistency with those four, you could get a five star masterpiece or a trainwreck of botched spots and missed assignments. So much talent between these two teams, but got dayum are they frustrating to watch. Who's ever “on” tonight is getting the pass into the second round. LAWD help us if they both off though. To quote Jivin JR, that's gonna be bowling shoe ugly! COLE We will have that and much more here tonight on HeldDOWN, including a battle royal to determine the twenty ninth man in the Lethal Rumble, a taping of the Look of Love right here in the ring, and words from The Franchise Zack Malibu! The opening guitar of AC/DC's "Money Talks" suddenly begins to ring out through the arena, not the way the fans would have hoped the night would start. Or end. Or include in any way whatsoever. YEOW! Stepping out onto the stage, Theodore Moneymaker flashes a HUGE smile as he adjusts the lapels on his white smoking jacket, looking around the crowd. The boos, the extended middle fingers, the derogatory signs and banners... none of them seem to dampen Moneymaker's mood as he walks to the ring, head held high. COACH Alright! What a way to kick off the show! "Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night" COLE Theodore Moneymaker, one of the thirty participants in the Lethal Rumble Match this Sunday night at AnglePalooza. And we've already seen one man flashing the cash around in an attempt to get what he wants, that $1,000,000 bounty placed on the head of Tha Puerto Rican by Stephen Joseph Popick... not the most original of ideas, but hey, it's the OAOAST... I wonder what Theodore Moneymaker has up his sleeve. COACH First of all, the bounty worked a couple of years ago on Zack Malibu's head, so why not go with what works. Secondly, shut up. "Come on, come on, lovin for the money Come on, come on, listen to the money talk Come on, come on, lovin for the money Come on, come on, listen to the money talk" Climbing the ring steps, Moneymaker stops halfway up and laughs loud enough and long enough to be heard over the crowd and his music. Moneymaker then enters the ring and waves at Buffer to hand him the microphone and 'buzz off', showing the iconic ring announcer no respect what-so-ever. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" MONEYMAKER COLE The Billion Dollar Heir in a good mood tonight. For some reason. Once the crowd die down, Moneymaker goes to speak... but has to stop again, overcome by more of his exuberant laughter. Boos ring out again for the time wasting Theodore, who manages to compose himself. MONEYMAKER You know, it's been a long time since I've been this happy to step out in front of you unwashed masses. See tonight... HA HA... tonight, I've got a very, VERY special announcement to make to you all. An announcement that promises to change the face of this company and one of it's foulest, most wretched employees in particular, for good. It's not often in this life you can mix business with pleasure such as right now. But tonight I can. Tonight, comes an announcement that not only promises to rejuvenate The Enterprise... that not only guarantees dramatic ratings spikes in the weeks to come here on TSM and therefore benefits the Moneymaker business... but also will give me great personal pleasure. You see, for months I've had to deal with the abomination that was 'Chicks Over Dicks'. "YYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!" MONEYMAKER At every turn, they've looked to thwart my best laid plans. They've toyed with my associates' lives and goals. They've robbed us of championships. They've seeked to humiliate us on a near-weekly basis, for no reason besides sheer irreverence! And through every day I've had to suffer those two she-demons I've waited for this day. The day when I can finally kill off whatever power they wielded, or better yet mould that power into that which benefits me. COLE What is he talking about? COACH I dunno, but I'm willing to bet it's got something to do with th... MONEYMAKER As we speak, Alix Maria Spezia is readying her debut album. And I'm sure you'll all be eager to rush out and buy a copy at the first chance you get, even with the knowledge that by doing so, you'll be providing me with more small change. You see, Alix has found a home, and she along with Mackenzie was key in providing this vital information. As for you, Krista, I know you were always the 'brains' of your little outfit, even when half paralytic from alcohol misuse! And I know you've got too much of that dirty substance they call 'pride' to ever see the light, realise the opportunities I could grant you. No no. See, you were never one to be reformed or reprogrammed. Which is why I knew you had to be DESTROYED! Your credibility, DESTROYED, just like you've attempted to do to me since the very day we met! You rely on these people hanging on your every word. You rely on them buying your merchandise, watching your foul reality television, purchasing your keep-fit videos. Paying your lavish lifestyle. There's only one lifestyle worth living around here now Krista. Your lifestyle... your LIFE... is as of this moment a cold, unbearable hell! Moneymaker toys with the microphone, smiling, almost too excited to get his announcement out. MONEYMAKER If only they knew, Krista. If only they knew your deepest, darkest secrets. Not the drunken, light-hearted confessionals we hear week in and week out, but your most private of shames. The kind of information you share with only your nearest and your dearest... which in your case is a very select group of halfwits! And if only they, Krista, had the avenues open to them that Theodore Moneymaker has, to take that secret and to discover a way to make it even more unbearable for you. If only they knew Krista. If only your loyal fans knew of the baby you abandoned in your teenage years!! ............ .... MONEYMAKER "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER Krista, you're not better than the common gutter sluts that plaster the pages of Hollywood dirtsheets you turn your nose up at. All of your high and mighty airs and graces, all a sham. For you have been hiding the fact that you the lesbian libertarian gave it up when you were just a impressionable innocent teenager, then took one look at your first born child and sent it away. I wonder, Krista, whether your second-born knows about this or not. Oh, wait... I guess she does now! BWAHAHAHA!! The crowd don't seem to be able to even boo anymore, just listening in disbelief. MONEYMAKER And Krista, the best, most juiciest part of this situation. The fact that this unwanted offspring happens to work for the same company that you so publicly ridicule at every turn, the OAOAST! I guess now we know why you suffer through all the paychecks to stay here amongst us 'mere mortals'. Krista, you've got a lot to answer for. To the fans who you've conned and mislead into following you. To the child you shunned to protect your precious image. To yourself. I just hope, for your sake Krista, that you go away... I cannot emphasise those two words enough... and you think long and hard about the unrealistic portrayal of yourself that you've put forward for all these years. And hey, when you look at the kid you DID keep and she looks up at you with those doe-eyes, wondering what her older brother or sister did wrong to be quietly transported across the country and dumped at someone's doorsteps, wondering if you ever tried to do the same with her... I just hope all that booze you keep around that mansion of yours isn't enough to put you away for good! Because I wanna watch you squirm Krista. I wanna watch you slowly deteriorate in front of the eyes you've been so careful in front of, the eyes of the viewing world. And I wanna wait until you finally crack and you finally tell the person in that locker room who you spewed out of that well-worn vagina of yours, just how you abandoned them at their first breath. Then Krista... then, we'll see just what amount of your trademark wise-cracks and antics you have left. Or, whether in fact, it's me, Theodore Moneymaker, who has the last laugh. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Moneymaker drops the microphone and after a awkward delay, "Money Talks" begins to play again to a much more silent crowd than before. Tilting his head back, the laughing Moneymaker chuckles away to the heavens, clearly getting a sick kick out of the life-altering announcement he just made. COACH Mister Moneymaker, got up in dat ass! To kill a person and leave 'em dead is nothing, to kill a person and leave 'em living, that's something! That's what Mister Moneymaker did. COLE What he did was reprehensible. Beyond reprehensible. I just don't have the worlds to describe how disgusting that entire segment was. And for him to gloat, and cheer, and laugh over the fact that he's brought so much misery into Krista's life, is sickening. Its sickening. And think of the child, who's entire life up to this moment has been a lie. Neither Krista nor her child deserved that. What kind of person is Theodore Moneymaker? COACH One you don't want to fuck with! COLE Ugh. Folks we'll be back with our first Anderson Cup match of the night! COMING UP NEXT ANDERSON CUP ACTION TEAM HEYROSS VS JUMBO AND DEUCE NEXT

OAOAST QuizDown is presented by Anglepalooza, this Sunday on PPV Before becoming a spokesperson for environmental concerns, Biff was the off kilter nutrition guru who boasted this peculiar fetish: A.Hair fetish B.Crushing fetish C.Spandex fetish D.Stuffed animal fetish The Answer A: Hair fetish Ponder that oddity while we return to sofa central COLE Ladies and gentlemen, January is always a big month in the OAOAST, as it marks the pursuit of championship gold. We've got the Anderson Cup, the most highly competitive tournament in sports today, where sixteen tag teams duke it out for the right to go to Anglemania and compete for the coveted one and only world tag team titles. And we also have the historic Lethal Rumble, which will be taking place this Sunday at Anglepalooza. Maggie Nerdly is standing by to fill you on our pay per view extravaganza. The OAOAST ActionZone is home to the cutest interviewer on the planet, Maggie Nerdly. The eighteen year old, bucks stuffy journalistic traditions, and actually sits atop the main news desk, while scenes from Lethal Rumbles past play on the many video screens on the set. MAGGIE What's up ya'll girl on the scene, Maggie Nerdly chillin' at the OAOAST ActionZone. I gotta remind you to be sure to order Anglepalooza this Sunday, either on webcast or on that p-p-view. If you're in the Atlanta area and you don't have tickets, then you better come and party with me at the mobile ActionZone outside the Phillips Arena. Then make sure you stick around for the Afterparty, where the Lethal Rumble winner is gonna be holding it down. For a little sneak peak at what we got going down on Sunday, check out this cool little bit our dudes at the Coca-Cola helped us put together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to a beautiful, crisp Winter's morning. Members of the OAOAST roster are making the trek up a small hill, chatting amongst themselves as they walk towards a group of what can be best described as hippies sat in a circle. The peacenicks stand and greet the confused OAOAST wrestlers with handshakes and invite them into the group. Pretty soon they're all being pulled into holding hands in a big circle. Melody Nerdly happily joins hands with the hippies. The Mad Cappa and Todd Cortez look mightily confused as they realise they're next to each other in the circle. One hippie nervously tries to convince Thunderkid to join hands with him. HIPPIE Okay everyone! "I'd like to build the world a home" All the hippies start to sing in unison. All the OAOAST wrestlers, unsurprisingly, do not. "And furnish it with love" Alfdogg and Landon share a "WTF" look with each other. Cuban Wall looks like he's seconds away from killing someone. "Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves Both member of Team Heyross look incredibly awkward, wondering whether they should be getting out of here as soon as possible or just trying to blend in and hope the pain ends soon. "I'd like to teach the world to sing" The hippies with instruments in the middle of the circle really start to get into it now. The OAOASTers continue to wonder what the hell is going on. PRL raises his eyebrow in cheesy fashion. "In perfect harmony" Suddenly, Colombian Heat starts to look nervous as he hears some heathy breathing from just down the human chain, starting to warn the hippies they might want to stop... "I'd like to hold it in my arms and kee..." FAQU BLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! *SMACK!* Down goes the tambourine playing hippie from a thrust kick! For a moment, there's stunned silence. Before then, everybody suddenly launches into the middle of the hippie circle and all hell breaks loose! Punches start flying, bodies start flying, only Alix Maria Spezia staying in the chain of hippies, singing away to her heart's content, oblivious to the fact everyone else has stopped. (V.O) The OAOAST presents, the 7th annual ANGLEPALOOZA ~LIVE! on PPV~ Sunday, 27th January 2008 Atlanta, Georgia As the fighting continues on, Krista Isadora Duncan walks in front of the camera, picking up a bottle of beer and swigging from it. KRISTA Aaahh... can't beat the real thing. Krista wheels around and smashes the bottle over one of Los Conquistadors' head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AAAAAAAND back to Miss Margret. MAGGIE Got a nice little hemp necklace out of all that to! So, you definitely need to be ordering Anglepalooza this Sunday, because it officially kicks off the road to Anglemania! There's the lethal rumble of course, all kinds of bad cats in there, um, Reject, Zack Malibu, Moneymaker, PRL, Alfdogg, Landon Maddix, Bohemoth, Lunar Phoenix, plus my older bro MARV. And while we're talkin about MARV, ladies of America, NO, I won't give your phone number to him or MEL, so ya'll quit asking me. Damn! Um, what else do we got? Krista's going to be setting her sights on making sure Theodore Moneymaker isn't even alive to compete in the Lethal Rumble. That should be a good one, made even if better if she's actually my mom, no offense Mama Nerdly, but fame before fam. The returning James Cone will throw down with the Mysterious Jester. Very creepy. My sis, Melody leads her boys against the rough and tumble team Faqu and Blonde. Go Mel! And last but definitely not least, we're going to be unifying world titles! That's right, ya'll, Colombian Heat matches up with Felix Strutter, and Stephen Joseph Popick, to go back to those crazy days were we only had one world champion. Ah, two months ago. So, mos.def check us out, on the web, on your t-vision, or at the mobile ActionZone if you rep the ATL. This show is gonna be off the meat rack so make sure you watch. If you're lookin' for more 411 on Anglepalooza, OAOAST.com's got ya covered, or you can tune into Syndicated. BIGGER THAN KRISTA'S TITS The 30 men over the top rope Lethal Rumble! Sunday night, January 27 live on pay-per-view. Order now! COLE Coach, we're moments away from the final first round bout of the 2008 Anderson Cup. Any last minute predictions? COACH Like I said at the top of the show, whichever team is "on" is getting the victory. That's just how it works with these two teams You know what you're getting, and what you're getting is that you never know what you're getting! COLE The Love Doctors versus former HI-YAH tag team champions The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! Jesse and Tony will be right here to call the action. Stay tuned! COMING UP NEXT ANDERSON CUP ACTION MGHWC VS THE LOVE DOCTORS NEXT SCHIAVONE The Anderson Cup 2008 continues on in mere moments, as The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and The Love Doctors bring a close to the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference. So far, all three matches have gone to seeding, but will this one? Tony Schiavone alongside Jesse Ventura as always... Jesse, a tough one to call tonight. VENTURA Every match with you is a tough one to call, Schiavone! Ha ha! SCHIAVONE Indeed. It was one year ago, Rico and Lucius burst onto the scene in the tag team division by defeating the then Anderson Cup champions The Heavenly Rockers at this same stage. An impressive half-year there after saw them earn a number three seeding in this year's competition. But the past few months have been rough times for The Homewrecking Crew, ever since August and their involvement in the Scramble Cage, Tag Team Title Unification Match. Losing that match as HI-YAH Tag Champions, then failing to defeat Chicks Over Dicks for the OAOAST unified Titles have been major setbacks in their career and many are predicting last year's biggest scalp takers are going to be the big scalp taken this time around. VENTURA No doubt Tony, a potential upset in the offering. The Love Doctors are a dangerous team, in that a lack of consistency has ended up with them getting a low seeding, but on their day they're capable of defeating any team in the OAOAST. SCHIAVONE Former HI-YAH Tag Team Champions for over a year. VENTURA Well, that was a few years ago now, but sure, why not. SCHIAVONE .... Lets go to the ring! Right on cue, out swagger the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew as the melodic sounds of "Easy Lover" begin to play. Rico confidently strokes his porn 'stache with a knowing nod of the head, as Lucius appears from behind him and yells out at the crowd. Clearly amped up, Lucius tries to instill the same passion into his swathe partner on their way to the ring. "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" BUFFER This contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing, team number one. Total combined weight, four hundred and thirteen pounds... they are the number three seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... together, they are THE MARDI GRAS HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMEEWRECKING CCRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWii!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Lucius jumps into the ring, Rico turns his attentions to a female fan in the audience and shows off his pecs in all their hairy, baby oil covered glory. His blown kiss is rejected by the fan as Lucius pulls him into the ring and tries to get his partner's head in the game. *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* "Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" Rico settles down now as new objects of affection for the females arrive. The Love Doctors bounce onto the stage looking like they've just finished their shift for the night, until the white coats are seductively pulled off and thrown to the side. BUFFER And introducing the opponents. Hailing out of Windy City Hospital in Chicago, Illinois... at a total combined weight of four hundred and thirty six pounds. The number six seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... DR. MAX ANDERSON and DR. MAX PIGLEY... THE LLLOOOOOOOOOVVEEEEEE DDOOOOOOOOOCCTTOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The clean-cut docs get the Calgary crowd in their corner while Rico and Lucius watch on, unimpressed. VENTURA No surprise these people love the Docs. Health care is free up here, after all. SCHIAVONE The Love Doctors are loved worldwide. VENTURA Yeah, by women. And word on the street is that's only down to Windy City Hopsital's special 'discounts'. SCHIAVONE Unsubstanciated rumours. *DINGDINGDING!* Dr. Anderson starts the match out with "Sweet" Lucius Soul. A very determined looking Lucius Soul. The two men square up and words are exchanged, mainly from the fast talking Lucius, who tries to put an exclamation point on his words with a slap. Anderson ducks... and ducks a backhand slap... before catching an attempted boot! Left hopping on one foot, Lucius is much less arguementative now and pleads for forgiveness. Dr. Anderson smirks at the idea and instead spins Lucius around by the leg. He then throws a clothesline... but in mid-spin, Lucius suddenly drops and does the splits and avoids the clothesline! VENTURA Woah! That's a new one on me! Pushing out of the splits, Lucius mouths off to Dr. Pigley while Anderson gets over his surprise and catching Rico coming into the ring with a hiptoss! Lucius sees his partner flying past him and understandably turns around to see what happened, walking into a hiptoss of his own! Out of the ring scramble both Mardi Gras'ers, as Dr. Anderson fires up the crowd. LUCIUS Fuck dat shit! SCHIAVONE Uh, Lucius... a little frustrated. VENTURA Good cover. Lucius and Rico meet up on the floor and try to regroup, but suddenly see Dr. Pigley diving towards them and take cover. However Pigley fakes out and dives down next to the bottom rope... ...and when Rico and Lucius look up, it's Dr. Anderson diving at them, BARRELING THROUGH THEM WITH A TOPÉ CON HILO!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Dr. Anderson becoming the flying doctor on that one! VENTURA And The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew have gotta get it together and fast! Once he's slapped a few hands, Dr. Anderson throws Lucius back into the ring for his partner. However, referee Mike Chioda is alert to who the legal man is and isn't, not allowing Pigley to stay in the ring. As he tries to get Pigley out, Anderson tries to get back in. But with the referee busy, it allows Rico to reach up and pull Anderson off the apron, causing him to faceplant into the ringside mats with a splat!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rico quickly climbs back to the apron and acts innocent, while Anderson lays flat out on the floor. SCHIAVONE That helping hand from the floor went undetected by the referee and all of a sudden Anderson is in a bad way. Can The Love Doctors turn this match back around? We'll find out when we come back! *COMMERCIAL* Back from the break and, sure enough, we rejoin the match with Dr. Anderson in the clutches of a rear chinlock courtesy of Rico de Janeiro. Dr. Pigley tries to get the crowd behind his partner as Rico wrenches away. VENTURA Rico's done a good job of shutting the Doc down during the break Schiavone. It's a methodical style that Rico favours but it's effective. Only 225, but he knows how to use his power to his advantage. Getting a sudden surge of energy, Dr. Anderson sits up and starts to max a move to his feet. Rico again shuts him down though, releasing the hold and clubbing him in the back. Another clubbing blow lands, followed with a double axehandle. Rico then hooks Anderson up, gutwrenching him and flipping him into a suplex! Leg hooked... 1... 2... No! Rico goes right back to the chinlock though, getting a nod of approval from his partner. SCHIAVONE Dr. Anderson simply hasn't recovered from that face-first meeting with the concrete before we went to commercial. But Rico and Lucius really haven't pressed home their advantage like I thought they would. VENTURA No, but they're dictacting the pace. Their pace. Rico strokes his 'stache while continuing to clamp away on the hold. Again Anderson draws from the fans' support and starts to get to his feet, Rico quickly adjusting into a front facelock as he does so. To the breadbasket goes Dr. Anderson though, landing right hands to the doughy physique of the Brazilian before lifting him up. He's forced to drop him after just a couple of steps due to the continuing choke, but he's closer to his corner now and in sight of a tag. Sensing this, Lucius jumps into the ring and rushes at Dr. Pigley, landing a forearm that draws him into the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The referee holds Pigley back, while Lucius picks up Anderson's legs and together The MGHWC walk him back towards their corner, facelock still applied. VENTURA Soul with a valuable helping hand, good tag team work, like it or not. Rico clamps back down on the facelock as Lucius takes the tag rope, waiting for his opportunity to legally come in. Up top he goes, dropping across Anderson's exposed back with a flying stomp. Lucius then executes a snap suplex and covers... 1... ...kickout! Big standing knee drop by Lucius and another cover... 1... 2... No! Quick tag is made again, Lucius holding Anderson's arms back for a stomp to the chest by Rico. Another boot slams into the chest, before Rico again clamps on a facelock. VENTURA Much as I hate to agree with you Schiavone, sooner or later either Rico or Lucius has gotta assume control and put Anderson away while they have the advantage. At the moment it's a little too tentative. SCHIAVONE And why might that be? VENTURA Well, it could be confidence. They might just be biding their time though. Who knows? As Anderson fights against the facelock, Rico lets him go and sends him off into the ropes. A simple fist buried into the gut doubles the Doctor over, setting him up for a back suplex. But Rico over shoots and Anderson lands on his feet. A shove in the back sends Rico off the ropes, the Brazilian throwing a clothesline on his way back but missing the mark, Max ducking the line and timing his Spinning Back Fist perfectly to crack Rico up under the jaWii VENTURA They might have bided too long Tony! SCHIAVONE They may very well... because THERE is the tag to the fresh Dr. Pigley! The fans get a renewed sense of hope as Dr. Pigley springs up to the top rope and takes out Rico with a Missile Dropkick! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The Doc jumps up and hands Lucius a reciept, not for something to ease his pain but a forearm that causes it, sending him to the floor and leaving him with just Rico to concentrate on. Ducking a clothesline, Pigley comes back off the ropes and takes a brief trip around the world before coming out of it with a headscissors takeover. Wobbly, Rico then walks into a standing dropkick, sending him tumbling out through the ropes and to the floor. Up off their feet come the crowd, as Dr. Pigley hits the ropes one more time, getting full run-up on a dive... ...that is about to get cut off, as Lucius Soul slides back into the ring and launches forward with the POOOOOOOOUUUUUU... ...NO! Pigley dodges! Barely keeping his feet, Lucius stumbles on into Dr. Anderson, who backdrops him up and over the top rope out by the rampway! With a quick look to each other, The Love Doctors then bring the crowd off their seats again, as they take off in unison, DR. ANDERSON WITH A PLANCHA, DR. PIGLEY WITH A TOPÉ, DOWN GO BOTH MARDI GRAS'ERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA And the pace has picked up in a BIG way for The Love Doctors! SCHIAVONE Are Lucius and Rico going to live to regret not putting Anderson away when they had the chance? Thrown back inside, Lucius and Rico back away into opposite corners, followed by Pigley and Anderson respectively... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" Ten punches a-piece in the corner leave Rico and Lucius on unsteady legs. Pigley and Anderson set them up for a double irish whip, Pigley getting his half but Rico able to reverse on Dr. Anderson. Thinking quickly though, Max throws a LARIAT that wipes out the oncoming Soul! Diving over the bodies, Dr. Pigley body blocks Rico back into the corner, unloading with some more right hands while he waits for his partner to dispose of Lucius. SCHIAVONE And unlike their opponents, it looks like the Love Doctors are going straight for the kill! VENTURA No wonder they're never at the hospital. A double irish whip sends Rico off the ropes, Pigley dropping him with an inverted atomic drop on the way back and holding him in place for the dropkick from Anderson! SCHIAVONE Lovematic Grampa, signature Love Doctors! As Max, the illegal man, rolls out of the ring, Steven bridges over Rico with the pin attempt... 1... 2... NO! Tag made, allowing the Love Doctors five more seconds to execute a double team. Pigley scoops Rico back up and hovers him over the canvas this time, while Dr. Anderson warms up the Defibrilattor!! Cover by Anderson, Pigley leaving the ring... 1... 2... SAVE BY LUCIUS! Dr. Pigley tries to get straight back into the ring to aid his partner, but a Bicycle Kick knocks him off the apron to the outside. VENTURA Looks like Lucius has had enough! As Lucius turns around however, Dr. Anderson is waiting for him... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Another! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third. Irish whi... no, reversed! Lucius spins out in front of Anderson and sends the Doctor across the ring, into what would be the Mardi Gras corner, where both men not in the ring. Following in after Anderson, Lucius lunges forward looking for a Yakuza Kick in the corner... but Anderson moves and Soul CROTCHES himself on the top ring rope!! LUCIUS "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" By the standing leg, Anderson dumps Lucius the rest of the way up and over the top, before turning his attentions back to Rico and aiming for his head with the Lariat. Rico catches him though, spinning him into a gutwrench and throwing him up and over the shoulder... ...but Dr. Anderson escapes the sure to be unpleasant Moustache Ride and pulls de Janeiro down with a Backslide... SCHIAVONE Could have him! 1... 2... NO, Rico kicks out and quickly pulls Dr. Anderson back into a standing headscissors. SCHIAVONE Oh, Rico almost got caught. VENTURA But he's got him Tony, he's got him! A stroke down of the porn 'stache, then Rico hoists Dr. Anderson up again for the Moustache Ride. Dr. Anderson again tries to struggle free of the impact... and again manages it! Spinning Rico around, Anderson cracks him with a couple of elbow strikes. A slap from the left side cracks Rico and echoes around the arena, even as Anderson lands two more rapid fire open-handers... *SMACK!* ...and an Enziguri! Rico collapses in a heap, seemingly out of it. VENTURA Big succession of strikes right there! Great combination by Anderson. But he's not going for a cover? Anderson isn't done though, as he turns Rico over and drags him into position near the turnbuckles. The Doc heads up top, while on the outside Dr. Pigley cuts off Lucius from making a save. The two illegal men scrap on the floor, leaving Anderson clear to position himself up top. Getting his feet, Dr. Anderson tumbles down towards Rico with his 450 Splash... WHO GETS THE KNEES UP!! VENTURA Aww... big mistake by Anderson! Pulling himself off of Rico, the winded Dr. Anderson staggers away holding his ribs. Rico pulls himself up in the corner. And as Anderson slowly turns around, Rico scythes him down with a clothesline and cradles him up tight... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* VENTURA Got him! Boy, they escaped with that one Tony! As Dr. Pigley jumps in for the save seconds too late, Lucius rushes around the ring and grabs Rico around the shoulders. The relieved Rico barely celebrates, unlike his partner, while in the ring Dr. Anderson sits up and slams the mat in frustration. BUFFER Your winners of the match, advancing on in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... THE MARDI GRAS HHOOOOOOOMEWRECKING CCRRRREEEWWWWWWii! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lucius pumps his fists in celebration as he and Rico escape off with their victory to general disapproval from all in the arena. SCHIAVONE An opportunistic victory, you have to say, for the number three seeds. VENTURA It's like the saying goes, 'it only takes three seconds'. The clothesline, after the meeting with the knees lets not forget, enough with that tight pin to put down Dr. Anderson for those crucial three seconds. Call it opportunistic, call it what you want, but that could be a big victory in the careers of Rico and Lucius. Their streak of bad luck is over. They won ugly, sure, but all that matters is they won. SCHIAVONE And they advance to the Conference Semi Finals, which begin on this very show next week. Their 'reward' for victory Jesse? A meeting with The Sooner Bruisers! VENTURA There's no easy opponent at this stage of the competition, but that is a stinker for Mardi Gras. They better hope tonight was a turning point. They're gonna need all the momentum they can gather going up against The Sooners, I can guarantee you that! SCHIAVONE As we said, the Conference Semi Finals to be held over the weeks of January 31st and February 7th. We'll be here Jesse, it's shaping up to be quite a tournament. Anderson Cup Second Round January 31, HeldDOWN~!: The Enterprise vs. D*LUX , Christ Air Express vs. Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara February 7, HeldDOWN~!: Sooner Bruisers vs. Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, Team Heyross vs. The Heavenly Rockers VENTURA It's a 'pick 'em' in my book. Anyone's for the taking. SCHIAVONE And we look forward to next week, but we're not done on HeldDOWN~! tonight. Don't go anywhere, more action coming up! Right after these messages, the Corporate Lethal Rumble Match for the #29 spot in the Lethal Rumble Match this Sunday at Anglepalooza! Don't go away! FADE OUT * COMMERCIAL BREAK *

Our view is brought to the bustling backstage area. Moneymaker's show long victory parade now includes the occasional awkward fit of disco dancing, and a very ill advised twirl/point/wink triple threat, as he continues to journey through the arena backstage. With every step he earns the disgusted gaze of staff and wrestlers alike. Except for Logan Mann, who in black leather pants and a tight black fishnet long sleeve shirt, rushes to greet him with a warm smile. LOGAN What's going on, Richie Rich? How ya living? MONEYMAKER With the satisfaction that can only be had by slowly destroying the life your greatest enemy has worked so tirelessly to achieve. And you? How are you living? Or should I say how are you rocking? LOGAN As hard and as balls to the walls as ever. And I'll be rocking heavenly once you tell me what I want to hear. MONEYMAKER What might that be, Mister Logan? LOGAN That I am Krista Isadora Duncan's son. Start singing the truth! Rock me gently with that heavenly news, baby. Set me up, set me up for life. MONEYMAKER I'm sorry Mister Mann, but her destruction is a slow, and erotic waltz. To come forward with the bombshell to soon would be much worse then any type of premature...performance. LOGAN Moneymaker you gotta lend a helping hand to a struggling artist. I know the skin tone is much darker on me, but maybe she gave birth to me in the bottom of a coal mine or something off the wall like that. Man, just think about the elite club I'd join if she were my mom. I've already rocked the OAOAST to the extreme and beyond, but journey with me through thoughts and fantasies of what I could do in the rock portion of my rock n wrestling career, which has quite honestly been lagging as of late. I wouldn't have to ever pick up an instrument, and I'd still be a hall of fame rock superstar. Just by virtue of who my mom is. I started out as a lounge singer named Ebony Springsteen in Vegas and I'm finishing up on the cover of People magazine, JET, Ebony, National Geographic, TIME, Good Housekeeping, all arm and arm with ma mere extraordinare, Krista Isadora Duncan. Picture Logan Mann on top of the world. MONEYMAKER Logan Mann, I'll tell you this, you are in very good running to be her son. Smiling at the patronization, Logan nods Moneymaker a fond farewell. But just as soon as Logan steps out does his loving wife step in, oddly wearing the exact same outfit as her husband. Don't you just hate it when couples match. HOLLY-WOOD What about me? Am I the bastard baby she didn't want shit to do with? MONEYMAKER You certainly have her penchant for ladylike language. I don't believe your husband has ever properly introduced you.. HOLLY-WOOD Can it. Just answer the question. MONEYMAKER You certainly have her penchant for feminine politeness, as well. Are you Krista's kid? That's tough to say. HOLLY-WOOD My father sweeps the floors at a Panera bread in Saint Louis, my mother teaches community theater to elderly retards, and my brother lives in their basement smoking weed and drawing Erin Esurance porn for fun and profit. I'd like a step up in the family department, and to know that I'm genetically predisposed to huge success not horribly disappointing middle age failure. MONEYMAKER Tit for tat, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. I'll answer your question, if you answer mine. Your lovely red hair, I must know, does the carpet match the drapes? BWHAHAHAHAAH! SLAP MONEYMAKER Hmmmm. That slap. That resounding, awful painful slap. Yes, yes. So, so familiar. Why yes, Miss Holly-Wood, do keep your ears open for my final announcement in the weeks to come. You just may be the lucky daughter of Krista Isadora Duncan. HOLLY-WOOD Nice. That simple answer seems to be enough for Holly, and she takes a quick smirking leave. But, Moneymaker's visitors to his mini parade doesn't end with the Angle award winning couple; none other then his cousin Tony Brannigan walks onto the scene, minus the curiosity of Logan and Holly, and plus a huge helping of anger and annoyance. BRANNIGAN Yo, Theo. MONEYMAKER Dear cousin, what a treat it is! Come to beg forgiveness? A wise move, man, lord knows the skeletons I'd haul out your closet. Speaking of closets, isn't it past overdue for you to come out your's to my poor oblivious aunt? Oops, there's one skeleton! BWAHHHAHA! BRANNIGAN Hey, Theo, I may be a road agent and interviewer, but look me dead in the eye and know that I'm serious, when I say I'd throw that all away in a silly minute to beat you into the dirt. You've been crossing the line all night long. Don't make the mistake of crossing it in the presence of a world champion. Got it? Moneymaker is obviously more then a little intimidated by his much larger, older cousin and eases his tone. MONEYMAKER Fine, fine, what do you want? BRANNIGAN I want to give you some new, little cousin. Yeah, Anglesault, was gonna do it himself, but being that we're family and all, I had to be one to see you shit bricks when this bomb gets dropped on you. As long as I've known you, you've been a bully, pushing around anyone and everyone just 'cause you think you can. The reason you think you can is because you never felt any real repercussions for your B.S. Until now. I just came out the bosses office, and this stupid stunt that's got you strutting around here like you're somebody and not the runt who's head I used to dump in the toilet, has earned you double duty at Anglepalooza. Not double the paychecks, just double the work. Now, you're looking at getting tossed out on your ass in the Lethal Rumble, just a few minutes after that ass gets beat down by Krista Isadora Duncan. MONEYMAKER What? BRANNIGAN Did you hear me stutter? Brilliant plan, though, little cousin. Now you just need to plan on how your going to make it through the Rumble after taking the beating of a lifetime. I'd wish you luck, but personally, I'm hoping the next time I see you will be at the handicap accessible table at the family reunion. MONEYMAKER Boy, are you really something. Wow. What the hell do you morons think we're in? Vacation bible school? Do you know what this is? This is gastric juices churning, enzymes digesting, intestines working, blood and bile, this is real, raw, life. I'm playing the game of being alive. I'm not like everyone else here! What are they above that? Above being alive? What's above being alive? Clouds! Heaven! Death! Then they're dead! Dead! All of 'em! I still have life to live! I am not like you, cousin, I can't be retired so easily. I won't lay down for the slow, obscure death they want for me. The Enterprise was sick. Everyone knew we were weak. Zack Malibu, all of 'em, they could smell it. They wanted blood. So I gave them blood. Blood of their heroine and blood of my enemy. And believe me I can give more at Anglepalooza. Do not tempt me. Moneymaker offers Brannigan a long deep scowl before turning on his heel and retreating down the hallway. COLE Oh my! Krista Isadora Duncan against Theodore Moneymaker at Anglepalooza! That show gets better and better! And so does this one, stick around because we still have The Love Doctors against The Wrecking Crew in our final Anderson Cup contest! COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks, we were supposed to witness a tapping of the Look Of Love here tonight, but obviously given the unfortunate events of earlier this evening, we won't be seeing anything of the sort here on HeldDOWN. We offer you our fans an apology. You can check OAOAST.com for information on how The Look of Love will proceed from here. Right now, Josh Matthews is trying to get a word with Krista. The scene is the arena parking garage, where a heavy hearted Krista Isadora Duncan drags her many suitcases towards her limo. Assisting her to her car is Jade Rodez, though Krista doesn't seem inclined to make a single bit of eye contact with her. Suddenly, Josh Matthews rushes onto the scene, with microphone in hand. JOSH Krista, Krista, is it true? Is what Theodore Moneymaker said true? KRISTA Yeah, its true. I fucked up. I fucked up worse then anyone you could ever meet. I fucked up more then anyone who's ever fucked something up in the long illustrious history of people who fuck things up. I'm so lost...I hate myself, so totally and completely lost because of what I've done to my children. Both of them. I've lied to people who have come to depend on me, trust me, and look to me as some kind of model, or inspiration for this lofty image of perfection. Most importantly, I lied to my daughter, and I promised her I never could. Outside what you see on me is flawless. And that's all anyone ever knew, the flawless outside, and I could've taken myself myself to the grave with that being all they would ever know. The bruises and scars I have are on the inside, and now they're visible. You can see the black and blue, Josh. Now, you can see blood. You can know that blood pumps through my veins because Moneymaker has spilled it all over the world. There are millions of children in this country, and nearly everyone of them is being taken care of by a loving parent...or an aunt, or a grandparent, or someone bonded to them with unbreakable link of blood. Someone who has stuck by them through things both gorgeous and terrifying. Everyone got that, except for my kid. They got me. They got ditched, dumped away with all the thought you give rotten milk. For what? Why? For no other reason then they had the miserable luck of being born to a shitbag painted over with a lifetime of lies and half truths. JADE (rubbing Krista's shoulders) You're being too hard on yourself, Krista. KRISTA Am I really? Tell that to my mother who had to live with the burning shame that all her country club friends knew her eldest daughter was a teenage whore, tell that to my daughter, who can cry herself to sleep tonight wondering what's going to happen if mommy, her lone pillar of support, suddenly decides she doesn't want her either, tell that to the bastard child, the one with...ya know what forget it. Just forget it. Why bother showing remorse or regret? I cry, and I'm sad, but I endanger nothing in myself. Its like the idea of crying when I do it. Or the idea of love. Its empty. JADE Krista, stop doing this to yourself! JOSH What about Theodore Moneymaker? Your thoughts on him. KRISTA (icily) Moneymaker? He's so full of steaming hot shit, you just mentioning him could draw the lord of the flies. I posses a very intense dislike for Mister Theodore Moneymaker. He is the human equivalent of fingering the pus out a pimple, of drinking the toilet water out a New York subway, of chewing off your foot and shoving it right up his wrinkled ass. He is a one dimensional insignificant dried out little turd, and I will personally flush him back into festering shithole he slithered out of aka his mother's vagina. Know that. But, I'm keeping my eye on where the most powerful enemy really is. I save the darkest of my hatred for who really counts. Alix Maria Spezia. She's got her bills to pay in the world to come, her and her little friend, the whore of Babylon. That chilling comment is the last we hear of Krista, as she slides into her limo, leaving Jade and Josh to look on in sadness. COMMERCIAL CORPORATE BATTLE ROYAL?

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop Abdullah Abir Nerdly You know him as a guide to the infinite. As a bright star in a world shrouded in darkness. As a messenger nurtured inside heaven's golden womb As a speaker for the will of the prophets and ideas of the gods. Now you will know him as your personal guide to spiritual betterment with the seven disc DVD set Key To The Beyond. Your's for only four hundred dollars. ABDULLAH We live in a world corrupted by malcontent forces, driven into the depths of hades by pagan idolaters. Its a world under attack by thought terrorists and their blasphemous voodoo science beliefs! How can you survive? You can not, brothers and sisters! Evil is upon us, and it will soon prevail, brothers and sisters. Yes it will! The only hope any of us has is in the salvation of my teachings. Come take my hand, and let me guide you past the tenebrous evil around us, and into genuine, spiritual, peace. I am an inspirational leader to man, and a speaker for the prophets. I am the Key To The Beyond. And By... BIGGER THAN KRISTA'S TITS The 30 men over the top rope Lethal Rumble! Sunday night, January 27 live on pay-per-view. Order now! COLE Well, Coach, tonight we see the return of Black Widow to OAOAST action and the debut of MISS JOBS, signed to a deal just yesterday. COACH I'm always down with new Divas, Cole. The lights go dark and FULLY ALIVE by Flyleaf hits. The AngleTron shows us the video for Black Widow, comprised of her original run, complete with snippets here and there of Spider Poet in the background. Widow emerges with Phoenix in tow. Dressed in a black tank top with a spider emblem on the chest, black spandex shorts, black elbow and arm pads and knee-high black boots with a dozen buckles running up the sides, she pauses on at the top of the ramp to Pose~! The crowd gives a warm welcome, which she soaks up. A sparkling, warm smile and bright blue eyes are framed by light, long black hair. Phoenix proudly stays in the back, out of her spotlight. She makes her way down the ramp with him in tow. COLE Black Widow returns to the OAOAST, along with her old flame Spider-Poet. COACH You mean Lunar Phoenix. Gotta keep up with current events, Mikey. Widow slides in and hits the turnbuckle for a pose. The crowd pops! COACH Sounds like the crowd is pumped to have her back. COLE I'm pumped! COACH I thought I told you to keep that thing away from the booth, Cole! COLE Shut up, Coachman. A WICKED LAUGH fills the arena - a girlish giggle. Miss Jobbs is already out at the top of the ramp as her theme music kicks in - "New World Symphony" by Miri Ben-Ari and Pharoahe Monch. She's properly whored up, with tons of bright blue eyeliner and bright red lipstick. Blond pigtails bounce over near-bare shoulders as spaghetti straps barely hold up a white rubber top with a black smile smeared across it, which stops just below her ample bosom. White rubber shorts and bare feet follow, and a devious grin. Jobbs skips down the ring to the bewilderment of the crowd. COLE Damn! COACH Yeah, fereal, but she looks dumb as a rock. … just my type. Widow and Phoenix exchange a look of uncertainty and amused confusion. Miss Jobbs cartwheels over the ropes and lands ready for action, staring across the ring at Widow. Phoenix exits with a pat on the back to Widow. The Ref signals and the bell RINGS! Lock up in the middle, which turns into a power struggle for a few seconds before Widow slips free and spins it into an Irish Whip. Jobbs rebounds and Widow drops, forcing Jobbs to leap over and come off the other side. Widow rolls over and shoots her legs out - DROP TOE HOLD! Jobbs goes flat, smacking her face against the mat. She bounces, settles on her elbows and holds her nose. Widow takes advantage and locks in a quick FIGURE FOUR! On the outside, Phoenix grins, slapping the apron in approval. COLE Actual wrestling from these divas! Not that we expected less from Black Widow. The Figure Four stays for a bit, as Widow and Jobbs sway back and forth as Jobbs tries to turn it over and reverse it. She can't quiet get it turned, but she does worm her way to the ropes and grabs hold. Widow releases it at once and gets to her feet. She charges back against the far ropes, intending on a spear through the other side, but Jobbs pulls herself up the ropes, plants her feet on the middle rope and LAUNCHES back - SPINNING ELBOW! Widow is knocked sprawling. Doesn't last long. Both ladies are up and coming at each other. Jobbs throws the first punch and lands two more, trying to drive Widow to the corner, but on the fourth Widow blocks, lands a punch herself. It stuns Jobbs long enough to buy a quick whip right to the corner. Widow goes in for a forearm to the head, but Jobbs throws an elbow back. She turns as Widow stumbles back, but Widow comes back immediately with a BOOT to the gut. Jobbs doubles over, Widow grabs her hair and yanks her in, hooking her head with a yelp. Widow charges the corner, RUNS UP two turnbuckles, LAUNCHES, SPINS - DDT~! COLE Widow with some air! COACH That was a hell of a thing. Jobbs is rocked, but still in the game. Widow tries to haul her up, but she lands a couple of forearms to the gut to put some distance between them. Jobbs is up and forces Widow to the ropes, launching her into a high power whip. Widow flies against the far ropes and boomerangs back - Jobbs lands a HIPTOSS, and capitalizes with a SLEEPER. Jobbs locks it in and forces them back towards the center of the ring as Widow tries to fight out. Widow tries to power up, but Jobbs cranks it hard, forcing them back down. Widow tries to rock from side to side to break it up, but can't. Jobbs is locked in tight. COLE Not the flashiest thing ever but it's a nice tactic. COACH Some ol' school rasslin, Cole. Ref is in there, checking. Raises the arm once - falls. Raises the arm a second time. Falls. COLE This one could be over. The ref raises the arm a third time as Phoenix looks on. It fa--NO! Widow throws it up, fist clenched tight in defiance, shaking with adrenaline. Trying her best to haul them both up. SHE DOES! She reaches back on shaky feet, wraps her hands around Jobbs' head and DROPS! JAWBREAKER! Jobbs, JARRED, bounces up and back, instantly rolling over and kicking her feet in pain. Widow , gasping, dizzy, collapses. She distractedly searches for the rope but doesn't find it. Jobbs, a trickle of blood running down her chin, finds the ropes across the ring and pulls herself up. She hangs out there for a moment, getting her bearings. It gives Widow the time to get to her knees. Jobbs sees it and doesn't want to risk not going in for the kill. She gets over there, pulls Widow up and pushes her to the ropes with a couple of forearms. Widow launches, streaks across, comes off the other side - JOBBS SETS -- WIDOW SPINS! FLOATOVER DDT! THE CROWD POPS~! COACH Widow turns it around! Where the hell did she pull that from?! Both women are down, spent, stunned in the middle of the ring. The crowd starts up a clap and a cheer to try and get some energy to Widow. It seems to work as she slowly gets to her feet. She grabs Jobbs's hand and drags her towards the corner, but the match has taken a toll. Widow gets her where she wants her and leans against the turnbuckle, exhausted. The clap starts back up. At ringside, Phoenix looks around and points at her, joining in the clap. COLE Listen to this. The crowd is behind Widow one hundred percent! COACH You don't see that too often. Widow nods to her self and HAULS herself up - TO THE TOP! COLE High risk maneuver coming up… Widow goes for a MOONSAULT - JOBBS PICKS THE KNEES UP! CRACK! Widow's back bends unnaturally across Jobb's knees. She flops away, screaming! Jobbs KIPS UP! COLE Where the hell did she get that kind of energy from? She paces around the ring, looking at the possibly injured Widow with … glee. A big smile and a giggle come from Jobbs as she paces back and forth. COLE What in the hell is up with this chick? Jobbs pulls a handkerchief out of her cleavage and begins wiping her face down - her fleshtone makeup SMEARS AWAY! A pasty white layer lies beneath. THE RINGPOSTS EXPLODE! PURPLE PYRO and GREEN GAS billows out, flooding the ring area. Chaos and confusion reign - THE LIGHTS GO OUT! Only for a moment. When they come back on, JESTER is standing in the ring, dressed in a purple flack jacket, green tights and a heavy, purple corduroy trench coat. Jester is right behind the ref, who never sees the CHAIR SHOT coming! COACH Holy shit, Cole! Phoenix is in the ring now as the smoke is clearing, putting himself between the still hurting Widow and the two villains. Jobbs sidles up beside Jester and wraps her arms around his waist, glaring at Phoenix with a creepy grin. Jester holds the chair one handed. COLE Somebody needs to come make this save before it gets ugly. COACH It already got ugly when Jester showed up, Cole. And now I gotta call Jobbs a bitch, too. That just makes it worse. Jester charges forward, taking a wild swing at Phoenix. Phoenix dodges, swings around and locks his arms around Jester's waist - GERMAN SUPLEX! The chair goes wild, SMACKING JOBBS in the FACE before clattering towards the corner! Phoenix rolls up and starts WAILING! A flurry of punches to Jester, but the clown gets his knees between them and pushes Phoenix up and over. The ref stirs, getting to all fours! Jester snags the chair and COMES UP SWINGING! BAM! It knocks Phoenix right over the top rope as he tumbles over and out. Jester has a mad gleam in his eye and he catapults over to continue the assault. Widow shakily pulls herself up against the ropes and takes it all in. She glares at Jobbs bitterly. Miss Jobbs cheers him on from the ring. The ref looks around, bewildered. Widow stomps over, JERKS JOBBS AROUND - BOOT TO THE GUT! Widow locks the arms and pulls Jobbs up into position for a - VERTEBREAKER! COLE Oh my god! Widow just dropped Miss Jobbs right on her head! Widow collapses on for the PIN! The match is still going in the ref's eyes. He slides in for the count! 1! 2! 3!!!!! The CROWD GOES CRAZY! Outside, Jester pauses his assault to look at the ring, confused. Then ANGRY as Jobbs rolls around, dazed. The ref raises Widow's hand as she kneels on one knee, barely able to get back up. She glares at Jester. He stands, forgetting about Phoenix, murder in his eyes, and claws up to the apron. He climbs in. The ref tries to get between Jester and Widow, but Jester grabs him by the throat and shoves him away. Jobbs starts pulling herself up - CHAIRSHOT! PHOENIX SWINGS FOR THE FENCES FROM THE OUTSIDE AND CONNECTS RIGHT WITH HER FACE! She tumbles back, screeching. Jester turns, sees her, looks back at Phoenix, who is SLIDING IN with the CHAIR! Jester peaces immediately. He grabs Jobbs by the hair and pulls her along as he slides out, then half-carries her up the ramp. COLE Jester and Miss Jobbs are connected somehow! COACH Phoenix saves the day. Widow was in a bad place, Cole. Widow and Phoenix glare from the ring, meeting a deadly stare from Jester and Jobbs as they retreat. COLE Anglepalooza is going to be one hell of a showdown, Coach! And what a debut for Widow! She still won! COACH By the lovely seat of her shorts, Cole, but she did it! Hopefully Phoenix can do the same at Anglepalooza! COLE We've got to go to commercial, fans, but we'll be right back! COMMERCIAL

OAOAST QuizDown is presented by Anglepalooza, this Sunday on PPV Before becoming a spokesperson for environmental concerns, Biff was the off kilter nutrition guru who boasted this peculiar fetish: A.Hair fetish B.Crushing fetish C.Spandex fetish D.Stuffed animal fetish The Answer Still To Come "Getting Away With Murder" welcomes us back to HeldDOWN~!, and both the fans in the arena and those watching at home are equally happy to see ZACK MALIBU make his arrival on tonight's edition of the OAOAST's famed show. COLE We were scheduled last week to get a word with Zack regarding his participation in the Lethal Rumble this Sunday, and the friendly competition he has going on with Bohemoth, however last week Zack got a little sidetracked, as he was called out by Christian Wright, immediately after The Enterprise had scored a victory over Rescue 911! COACH CW thought that Zack chose him as Bo's opponent two weeks ago for Pick Your Poison was to avoid a confrontation with him, but Zack came out and took up the challenge...and got a little help from Bo along the way. COLE I wouldn't call it help, Coach. Bohemoth hit the ring to even the odds after the ref went down, and disposed of Moneymaker and CPA, leaving Zack and Wright to finish things mano y mano, and Zack chalked up another "W" at the expense of CW! Malibu, for the second week in a row clad casually and not for battle, takes the mic, and gives the fans a minute to collect themselves and soften the "ZACK" chant that makes the walls of the arena vibrate. Once things are settled, Zack starts talking, letting us know what's been on his mind. MALIBU I was supposed to have this time last week, but we all know how that went...and I guess it's good that I got this time this week, because I've got a few things to say about last week! COACH Did you catch all that, Mikey? COLE Sssh, quiet. MALIBU Last week, Christian Wright laid out a challenge, and implied that two weeks back, on the night of the "Pick Your Poison" matchups, that I chose him as Bo's opponent because I feared Christian Wright. That I felt that Christian Wright would be a setback on my quest to get back to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. I don't know if in his deluded mindset he believed this, or if it was just some type of trap all along, the bottom line is that Christian Wright, last week you're the one who got knocked down a peg or two. That victory over Rescue 911 didn't even have a chance to settle in before I nearly sent your teeth traveling down your throat with a School's Out! The crowd roars, obviously pleased with INTENSE~! Zack. MALIBU I do have to say one other thing though, and that goes to Bohemoth. Bo, you could have left me out there to take a beating, but you proved why you're a man's man last week, coming out and clearing the ring of The Enterprise when they were beating me down. You could have used that as an opportunity to get me softened up so you could get ahead, but you didn't, and for that, you have my respect. The crowd applauds the show of sportsmanship, and Malibu nods his head, approving of the crowd reaction. Within moments though, Malibu's recap of the last week is cut off by the very man he just gave thanks to! "Liberate" by Disturbed kicks in, and the crowd pops for the arrival of the always well-dressed hoss, who is making his way to the ring with a smirk stretched across his face. COLE Bohemoth heading to the ring, and Zack looks a little wary of this. Bo steps into the ring and brushes past Malibu, getting on the ropes and flexing a bit for the crowd. As his music dies down, Bo comes over and locks eyes with Malibu, and the two superstars, both looking to be the next World Heavyweight Champion, are eye to eye. Bo then motions for another microphone, which he gets, and starts to add his two cents to Malibu's thoughts. BO First off, let me just say that I appreciate what you said, and that the respect you have for me is reciprocated in full, so one of the reasons I'm out here right now, is so you can shake my hand on that! Malibu hesitates for a moment, but then shakes the hand of the big man, drawing another favorable response. BO Now, with you knowing that, I have something to confess to you, Zack. What you said a few minutes ago, about me leaving you high and dry? Yeah, I could have done that. I could have sat in the back and watched them pound on you, but then I thought to myself "I can't let this happen"...and it wasn't for the reason you'd think, Zack. Zack, and the rest of the world, now seem perplexed, but Bo presses on. BO If I hadn't come out here, Zack...if I hadn't cleared the ring, what would have happened when the referee woke up? You would have gotten the win by disqualification. You'd have had a few more bumps and bruises, but you'd have won. It's the same reason why I threw Christian Wright back into the ring last week...do you think that it was to set you up for the win? Do you think, in the middle of this World Title chase we've got going on, that I'd HELP you win? Zack, I threw him back into the ring so that you didn't get a countout win! Zack now sees where Bo is going with this, and doesn't look too happy. Neither are a few fans, as some scattered but audible boos are heard. BO I'm telling you face to face, man to man, because that's how I do things, Zack, and I know that's how you do things. I didn't come out here to help YOU, I came out here to help MYSELF! The fact that you got the win is fine, and congratulations on it...but don't mistake respect for friendship, Zack. Don't think the respect changes the fact that we want the same things. Don't think that come Sunday, when you and I are in the Lethal Rumble, that if it comes down between you and I at the end, that I won't hurl your ass to the floor and take the high road to Anglemania! MALIBU OK, OK, I get it...but don't YOU forget that if you find your back against the wall sometime, I have a choice on what I want to do. You were out here last week and had my back, and I appreciate that...but if you want to play the selfish card, that can go two ways. Don't think that I'm above doing these same things, Bo. I've been through more in the last six years than you have in your entire life. I fight, I bleed, I EXIST for my family, for these fans, and for this company...but don't you think for a second that I can't be a selfish son of a bitch, because if THAT is the game you're looking to play, then you best be prepared to lose ANOTHER competition! The mood is tense now, and the two superstars are eye to eye again. Bo steps back, puts his hands up in surrender, and starts to speak. BO Look, Zack...we're saying things now in the heat of the moment that we may regret in the morning, so let's just cut our losses while we can. I'm not going to screw up your chances at trying to become World Champion again, and I know that you're not going to do it to me either. Moments like this, it just adds to the fire inside us, it adds to the thrill of the chase, and it couldn't come at a better time, because come Sunday, I'm going cut through this roster like a buzzsaw, and I'M going to be the one with his hand raised, flying first class to a World Title match at the event that made you a name! So Zack, know that I respect you. Know that I'm watching out for you, and know that if it comes down to you and me that all I can say is...better luck next time. Bo puts the mic down and steps back, staring at Malibu, whose anger has died down into a still-stern look. Bohemoth exits the ring, and the camera pans in on Zack, pondering the possible outcomes of the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza this Sunday. FADE OUT. COMMERCIAL COLE Earlier tonight, we saw Theodore Moneymaker in jubilant mood. Little did we know the bombshell he was about to drop on us all, regarding Krista and her... illegitimate child. COACH Seriously, can we not have ONE original idea around here!? COLE Coach! This isn't the time for jokes, come on. I still can't believe what we heard earlier, certainly not what we expected on the road to AnglePalooza. And we understand that Moneymaker has refused to allow our backstage correspondent Josh Matthews into The Enterprise dressing room for any further comments, Josh has been standing by outside as apparently the partying has begun inside. That is just... despicable in my book. Right now, let's take you other to another of our colleagues, Gene Okerlund is standing by. We swoop over to the interview stage, where the incomparable Mene Gene is indeed ready and waiting. OKERLUND Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to bring out my guests, the members of Internationally Known... and accompanied by Megan Skye, former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Megalomaniac" curiously plays out not just Landon and Megan, but also all three members of Internationally Known. Landon and Megan lead the way to the interview stage while their newfound friends tail behind, Black mouthing off at the fans near the stage and holding up Blonde and Faqu. That gives Blonde chance to show off 'his' One and Only World Tag Team Championship belt to the camera, pointing out the other half of the stolen championships in the mouth of Faqu. Eventually all three make it onto the stage and assemble themselves around Landon, who chews away on a stick of gum nonchalantly. OKERLUND Gentlemen, right off the bat, I have to ask... who am I directing the questions to here? Just who is the 'ring leader' in all of this? MADDIX Come on Gene, you should know better than to ask that. Landon grins back at his IK buddies. OKERLUND In that case, maybe you can explain the situation to the world. What sort of deal or agreement is there between you and these three men standing behind you? MADDIX It's very simple. It's a case of 'what can I do for you, what can you do for me'? It's a mutual agreement, based on mutual benefits. When I came to this company I was a part of a group you might remember called The Wildcards. And we, The Wildcards, caused plenty of noise and had plenty of success. Me, Bruce Blank, Bloodshed... and Todd Cortez. Landon scowls as a few fans cheer Todd's name. MADDIX We were a group of outsiders and it's no secret, we took comfort in having a strength in numbers up against the entire OAOAST. Then, earlier this year, it began to fall apart. Bloodshed went first and nobody ever heard from him again... which, let's be honest, was for the best, but still. With Bloodshed gone we were down to three. Then, Bruce lost Survive Or Surrender and that was the last we'll see of him in the OAOAST. Leaving just me and Todd, which was as good as being alone. Infact, it was worse than being alone. I knew that Cortez couldn't be trusted. But I stuck by him, partly because the entire OAOAST was still on my back over the 'Wildcard' thing, but mainly out of the goodness of my heart. I tried to save him from disappearing into obscurity like the rest of The Wildcards. And sure enough, eventually, he stabbed me in the back like the coward he is! OKERLUND I'm not sure that's how it went down at all. MADDIX I'm pretty sure it was. Check the tapes. OKERLUND I fail to see what this has to do with these three. MADDIX Well, it's safe to say that I don't have many friends around these parts. I didn't get off on the best foot with a lot of guys. So when Cortez back-stabbed me, that left me with nobody to rely on. Nobody to watch my back. And it occurs to me that, when the same Todd Cortez is running around trying to break my neck with his ridiculous piledriver every time I turn around, I might need that back-up. After all, I'm a busy guy. So I turned to someone. Guys who can be trusted. These three men. Landon points out the trio behind him. MADDIX What can they do for me? Simple. They can watch my back, like they watch each other's. I make no secrets about it. Now, you're probably thinking 'what reason do these three have to do that'. What possible loyalty could they have to me. Again, simple. What can I do for them? Look at these three. All talented. All with tons of potential. All with credentials. And all binded together by one common denominator... there's sick of their lack of opportunities in this company. They forged a bond in the hope that strength in numbers would help them coming out of Japan. A lot like The Wildcards, come to think of it. See, I can sympathise with these three. But I can also help them out. Associating themselves with the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, the 2007 Wrestler Of The Year, it can only help their cause. Which is why, officially as of this moment, you are looking at the leader of Cucaracha Internacional! The OAOAST version. And just look at the instant benefits. Nathaniel Black, in the next round of the Anderson Cup. James Blonde and the Samoan Bulldozer, Faqu, holding the Tag Team Titles! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde raises 'his' half of the titles over his head, while Faqu continues to chew away on his. OKERLUND I'm sure The Lone Star Gunslingers, the Tag Team Champions, would have something to say about that. MADDIX Yes. Probably something along the lines of "Boy howdy pard'ner, I wish our wrasslin' pants weren't so dawg dang small so we had some'a that credability people are always talkin' about!" I mean, seriously. Are we seriously supposed to be worried about The Gunslingers. Two pussy whipped Texans? If they were so "rootin' and tootin'", surely they'd have come back after their belts by now? OKERLUND Well, they'll get their chance at AnglePalooza. Hopefully you'll have other things to concern yourself with on Sunday. MADDIX I will, but Megan will be out there with James and Faqu again. And of course, I look out for her at all times. That's the other thing these guys will get, see. Megan's expert managerial advice. Can you believe, seriously, that the blonde stick managing the Gunslingers won Manager Of The Year!? Over Megan!? I mean, it stands to reason that the manager of the Wrestler Of The Year should therefore be the best manager, right? I'm not even sure she classes as a 'manager'. Standing around and looking pretty, picking theme music, buying her client's clothes for them... Megan does ALL of those things to a much higher standard than 'Melody Nerdly', isn't that right? MEGAN Uh... yeah, I guess. But trust me, I do more than just manage... and clothes shop, apparantly. If Melody puts her hands on me again like she did last week, she'll find out I can kick ass as well! MADDIX HAWT! OKERLUND And as far as the Lethal Rumble goes... MADDIX As far as the Lethal Rumble goes, I've already set my stall out early. I am guaranteeing victory this Sunday, not because it makes me look good and not because it gets people talking, but because it's my match to win. At the risk of repeating myself, there's nothing and nobody out there who's gonna stop me from getting my rightful, long overdue shot at the World Heavyweight Championship one more time. OKERLUND But you know Todd Cortez wi... MADDIX Listen, Todd Cortez is a one-move wonder. And that one move doesn't end with somebody flying over the top rope. I've got a feeling that Todd Cortez won't be an issue come this Sunday. Nobody will. Nothing will. Mark my words. Quote me on this. You're looking at the winner of the 2008 Lethal Rumble, going all the way to LA, AngleMania VII, leaving one more time OAOAST World Champion. Be they big, be they bad... those 29 other entrants better Prepare For Landon! "Megalomaniac" cues up again as Landon and Blonde high-five, Black grinning on as the crowd boo away. COLE Landon Maddix, confident as ever. Is it misplaced confidence going into this Sunday and the Lethal Rumble? COACH Are you kidding? He's the odds on favourite as far as I'm concerned. Look at his record in battle royals, here and over at the SWF... who's got a better credential than Landon? I don't know if anyone does. COLE We'll see how he fares this Sunday. And we'll see how his new found friends fare against the fiery youngsters The Lonestar Gunslingers. Both teams have to be keeping a keen eye on tonight's Anderson Cup matches. Their Anglemania opponents could be competing tonight. Folks, we'll be right back with more in ring action, as Black Widow returns to OAOAST action after these commercial messages! COMING UP NEXT BLACK WIDOW RETURNS NEXT

More then two matches and I will be shocked! I repeat my golden rule: if you call a segment for HD (opener, mainevent) then don't get it in by the time I'm done posting the show, I'm gonna put something else in the spot you called. on that note don't bother calling the opener.

Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody plays, and Deuce Deuce Bigelow comes through the curtains, followed by Jumbo. COLE And we're ready for first-round Anderson Cup action! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a first-round match in the Anderson Cup tournament! Introducing first, they are the #6 seed in the Los Infernales bracket! Weighing in at a combined weight of 830 pounds...introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada......DEUCCCCCCE DEUCCCCCCE BIGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWii!!! *crowd cheers* BUFFER His tag team partner, from Chicago, Illinois...JUMMMMMMMMMMMMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COACH Well, this would be a big upset if Deuce and Jumbo could hand a defeat to Team Heyross! COLE And the winner of this one will meet the Heavenly Rockers in the next round, as they picked up a win over the South Central Militia two weeks ago! Jumbo and Deuce take a lap around the ring to give fives to the fans, then climb in and wait in their corner as Shine by Collective Soul hits and Team Heyross walks through the curtains. BUFFER Their opponents, at a combined weight of 485 pounds...they are the #3 seed in the Los Infernales Bracket...the team of CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And even though Team Heyross is a 3 seed, I've got to think they've got as good of a shot as anyone in this thing! COACH I definitely agree, Cole, this is a tremendous tag team! Team Heyross slides into the ring and pose on the buckles, then, as Deuce drops his jacket outside the ring, both men hop down and dropkick him over the top rope! *DING DING DING* COLE And we're under way! Jumbo goes after Benjamin, but gets jumped from behind by Moss, and a double-team ensues. Moss and Benjamin hammer on the back of Jumbo, then send him across the ring. Jumbo ducks a double clothesline, and flattens them with one of his own! COLE And a big double clothesline from Jumbo! Moss retreats to a corner, and Jumbo waits for him to get to his feet, and whips Benjamin across into him. At this point, Deuce is back in the ring, and Jumbo grabs him by the arm and whips him into Team Heyross! Jumbo then backs into the far corner, getting the crowd into it, and charges, piling into all three men! COLE And Team Heyross crushed in the corner, bailing out! COACH Deuce and Jumbo able to make a quick comeback from that sneak attack, and Team Heyross is in trouble! Jumbo and Deuce follow them out and engage in a slugfest, winning handily. Jumbo then grabs Moss, and Deuce grabs Benjamin, and Team Heyross is whipped into one another! Jumbo then tosses Moss into the ring, and executes a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE First cover of the match, and Jumbo gets two! Jumbo tags in Deuce, then bodyslams Moss. Deuce measures Moss, and drops a big elbow! COLE Big-time elbowdrop from Deuce Deuce Bigelow! Deuce gets up, backs into the ropes, and drops another! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Deuce gives Moss a gutwrench suplex, then tags in Jumbo, who holds Moss back for a savate kick before Deuce exits the ring. COLE Nice kick from Deuce, as he and Jumbo are making quick tags! Jumbo hits a backbreaker on Moss, then sits down and applies a camel clutch! COLE Submission hold applied by Jumbo! COACH And that's a lot of weight for Moss to try to move across the ring! But he doesn't have to, because Benjamin jumps into the ring and nails Jumbo from behind. Jumbo stares down Benjamin as the referee ushers him out of the ring, then picks up Moss and tags Deuce. Jumbo assists Deuce in an Irish whip, and they drop Moss with a double elbow! As the referee ushers out Jumbo, Deuce runs to the ropes, only to have Benjamin pull them down and send him crashing to the floor! COACH Smart move by Quentin Benjamin! COLE And now Deuce is hurting on the floor! Benjamin gloats about his feat, as Deuce attempts to slide back into the ring, but is stomped back down to the floor. He then jumps down and rolls Deuce back into the ring. He gets a tag from Moss, goes to the top rope, and drills Deuce with a missile dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Big move from Quentin Benjamin, but it only gets a two-count! Benjamin whips Deuce into the ropes, and hits a Frankensteiner! COACH Nice move right there! That's a lot of momentum needed to take over a 400-pounder like that! He then tags in Moss, who picks him up and executes a Russian legsweep! Cover... 1... 2... Deuce kicks out again! COLE But Deuce keeps kicking out! Moss picks up Deuce and tags in Benjamin, and the duo executes a double-bodyslam! Both men then drop elbows on Deuce, before Moss exits the ring. COACH And this right here is why Team Heyross is so dangerous! Great double-team moves! Benjamin drags Deuce over to the ropes, then chokes him by pushing his knee into the back of his head! The referee counts, and Benjamin releases at four. Moss jumps off the apron and does some more choking as the referee restrains Benjamin. This draws Jumbo into the ring, and the official meets him as Moss slides into the ring, and he and Benjamin quickly hit the DOUBLE GOOZLE on Deuce! COLE And there's the Double Goozle from Team Heyross! Benjamin covers, as Jumbo gets out and the referee counts... 1... 2... But Deuce kicks out yet again! COLE And still, they can't keep Deuce down! COACH He can probably smell your hot dog over here, and that keeps him going! COLE Oh, stop! COACH Hurry up and eat that, that's a foreign object! Moss chokes away at Deuce, breaking at the referee's four-count. Moss then ascends the top rope, and comes off...right onto the raised boot of Deuce! COLE And now Deuce with a chance to make a tag! However Moss lands right by his corner, and is easily able to tag Benjamin in time for him to stop a tag attempt with a running elbowdrop to the back! Benjamin then turns and delivers a cheap shot to Jumbo, drawing him into the ring! The referee restrains him as Moss comes back in, and gives Deuce a slingshot, right into a Benjamin superkick! COLE More great teamwork from Team Heyross, as the referee's back is turned! Benjamin covers... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Moss immediately comes back into the ring, and he and Benjamin set up a double suplex. However, Deuce is somehow able to block, and amazingly suplexes both members of Team Heyross! COLE And a great show of power by Deuce! NOW can he make a tag? Deuce pulls himself towards an anxious Jumbo, as Moss starts to come to. Deuce inches closer and closer, and then, as Moss is just about to pull him back, Deuce falls into Jumbo and MAKES THE TAG~! COLE Tag made, and it's Jumbo in there! Moss tries to beg off, but Jumbo scores with a foot to the midsection, then whips him into the ropes, and gives him a BIG backdrop! Clothesline for Benjamin! Clothesline for Moss! Jumbo gives Benjamin a trapped-arm belly-to-belly, and covers... 1... 2... NO! Moss saves! Moss and Benjamin pound on Jumbo, then whip him to the ropes, but Jumbo ducks a double clothesline and takes both men down with a running shoulderblock! COLE And Jumbo came in there like a runaway freight train! Jumbo then sets Moss on the top rope and follows him up. COLE And Jumbo could be going for his superplex here! However, before he can go up, Benjamin comes in with a knee to the back from behind. Moss stands up on the top rope, as Benjamin holds Jumbo, then comes off...but Jumbo moves, and Moss nails Benjamin inadvertently! COLE Miscommunication from Team Heyross, and this could be the big chance for Jumbo and Deuce! Deuce drags Benjamin into the corner and hammers away, as Jumbo hammers away on Moss. Deuce charges Benjamin, as Jumbo sets Moss up for the the FINAL CUT~! COACH Uh-oh...this doesn't look good for Team Heyross! Benjamin dodges Deuce's charge, and Deuce tumbles right to the floor! Benjamin then climbs to the top rope, and hits a big knee to the back of Jumbo. Moss gets up, and he and Benjamin join up for a DOUBLE FLATLINER~! COLE Big move from Team Heyross! Cover... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH YES! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE Great effort from Jumbo and Deuce, but it's Team Heyross who will advance in the 2008 Anderson Cup! COACH And what a matchup that sets up, Cole! COLE Absolutely, Team Heyross vs The Heavenly Rockers! Should be a classic tag team matchup! Let's go to... The backstage view is that of Theodore Moneymaker strolling about the hallway with Christian Wright, both men keenly aware of the power they currently wield as not a single soul dares to venture within an inch of their space. Moneymaker and Wright can still hear the insulting comments spoken behind their back, but the fear seeping off their owners paints smiles onto the Enterprise duo's faces. WRIGHT Why, Mister Moneymaker, I pray you, victimize me not with your chicanery! If you have any secrets to be heard, speak of them now. Do tell me the identity to Krista's spawn. MONEYMAKER Not even for triple the money I made off my investments this week, would I dare reveal this secret. To see the masterstroke of my brilliance play out to its inevitable gruesome end, is worth its weight in any a country's currency. BWAHAHHA! WRIGHT Then I will follow here in the chase, not like a hound that hunts but one that stands up to cry. Make me party to the process of Krista's destruction, not spectator to her demise. Moneymaker simply smiles and whistles as he continues his victory parade down the hallway. WRIGHT Dost thou hear, my honest friend? MONEYMAKER I hear no honest friends. I hear you! HAHAHAHAHA! SHAYNE (off screen) You! To Wright's annoyance, but Moneymaker's surprisingly grand amusement, Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant rush onto the scene, fists clenched, mouths scowling, and wrestling tights embarrassingly worn backwards. MONEYMAKER BWAHHAHHA! Look, Mister Wright, the Clark Kent twins have emerged from the phone booth, hands held against hips, chins tilted into the air, and cape fluttering in the wind, ready to defend the honor and the integrity of their crush, Krista Isadora Duncan. WRIGHT Indeed! Do proceed, good sirs! Mister Moneymaker has laid the threat of emotional death upon the heart of Krista, and it would be a disgrace to her for you to wink at this discourse! Raise your cutlass and clash our swords, with all your strength, all your resolve, and all your heart for Krista's honor. Needing no more of an invitation, D*LUX raise their fist to fight. MONEYMAKER But, I guess I need to warn you, that you're fighting a battle that even if you win, you'll still lose, because in one fifteen minute segment I've scorched the earth of Krista's pride. Me. I've brought unimaginable confusion and chaos to your precious pinup, I've brought upon the death of her perfectly crafted Hollywood image, and from here on out it only gets worse. TYLER Oh yeah? MONEYMAKER BWAHAHHAHA! Much worse. Much, much, worse. The longer this tragic comedy drags on, the greater the intrigue grows. The greater the intrigue, the greater and more constant the questions on the child's identity, the more constant the questions the greater the stress on Krista's life, the greater the stress the greater the pain. The greater the pain, the end of Krista. Not Krista the celebrity. Krista the person. The end of Krista the person, the beginning of a lifelong toast to my scheming excellence. SHAYNE Hey, man, enough of your junk! TYLER Right! We didn't come to here to hear your crap, we came to beat it out of you. For Krista! SHAYNE For Krista! Even though Wright seems itching for a fight, Moneymaker calmly holds his hand up in order to continue the discussion. MONEYMAKER Yes, yes, good, great, fabulous, what fine upstanding gentlemen you are, a credit to the OAOAST and all that rubbish. Save your attitude and aggression for our Anderson Cup bout. Though I don't blame you or even consider chastising you for crossing the path of a billion dollar juggernaut. After all, what young boy doesn't wish to rush to the defense of his mommy? TYLER Righ...what? MONEYMAKER Cut the childish bullcrap, and speak to me like a real human. I know the idea that Krista is one of your mothers must've entered your head the exact moment I made my announcement. You're the perfect ages to be her kid, and it explains why you've admired her so greatly, revered her so strongly...lusted after her so perversely? Yes that's right, little kids, the constant fodder for your midnight games of one man tug of war, could be your mother! Some people keep pictures of their mother on their mantle near peacefully burning fires. You however keep the stuck together, semen coated pages of your mother's swimsuit calendar under your piss soaked mattress. Some children can spend three months looking for the perfect gift to give their mother for mother's day. You'll spend three minutes polishing your wand, and dumping your baby gravy onto your mom's latest spread in SHAPE magazine. Think of all the tents you pitched when those massive breasts heaved inches from your face. Think of every time you were in a match with her and you couldn't control yourself every time you were given a peek down her shirt. Think of all the kleenex you burnt through while that BUTT bounced and jiggled in the tightest of spandex in her fitness videos. Think of the heights of self pleasure her statuesque tan legs have taken you to and realize THAT COULD BE YOUR MOTHER! And away D*LUX goes, running down the hallway with road runner like speed, presumably to throw up every meal they've ever had. MONEYMAKER BWAHHHAHAAHA! WRIGHT HAHAHAHAHAAH! MONEYMAKER What's funny? I don't know what you're laughing at, you're in the exact same boat. Yes that's right, little Wright, the constant fodder for your midnight games of one man tug of war, could be your mother! Some people keep pictures of their mother on their mantle near peacefully burning fires. You however keep the stuck together, semen coated pages of your mother's swimsuit calendar under your piss soaked mattress. Some children can spend three months looking for the perfect gift to give their mother for mother's day. You'll spend three minutes polishing your wand, and dumping your baby gravy onto your mom's latest spread in SHAPE magazine. Think of all the tents you pitched when those massive breasts heaved inches from your face. Think of every time you were in a match with her and you couldn't control yourself every time you were given a peek down her shirt. Think of all the kleenex you burnt through while that BUTT bounced and jiggled in the tightest of spandex in her fitness videos. Think of the heights of self pleasure her statuesque tan legs have taken you to and realize THAT COULD BE YOUR MOTHER! Face absent of color, Wright rushes down the hall, most likely headed to find out if D*LUX has any room left at the toilet they're puking in. MONEYMAKER BWAHAHHAHA! Come back, Oedipus, you still have to carve out your eyes! BWAHAHHAHA! We fade out with Moneymaker continuing to chuckle at the misfortunes he continually creates. COLE That man is sick! COMMERCIAL

:spank: :phaser: :ph34r: :huh:

oh, I figured because you had editing powers, you'd just put it wherever you like. But, I put it in after the look of love.

credits -i would assume you know who's who by now! oh fine! kc, ewc, lp, 149, zack, alf at some point, me. happy?

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD As the clock strikes whatever time this show airs the astronomic, worshiping beats accompanying Chamillionaire's defiant vocals on Ultimate Victory pump to life. The introductory video zooms across the screen featuring the viewing audience's favorite performers. When it ends we see the logo. Away goes the logo, being replaced by the friendly announce team that welcomes us to every edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN. Though Cole wears the typical orange polo and khaki pants, his partner is dressed as if he's going on an adventure of arctic discovery, bundled up in every jacket from his closet. COACH It is an awful hell where we're at! This frozen tundra of the forbidden frontier! Damn the schedule makers! Damn them right to the underworld! I've lost two fingers and three ears just from walking to the bathroom in my hotel! COLE Why is it so hard for you to open the show with “Good evening everybody thank you for spending your Thursday night with America's highest rated cable television show, OAOAST HeldDOWN?” Why is that hard? We are in Halifax, Nova Scotia , and yes it is chilly.. COACH But things are heating up with the OAOAST in the building. You use that line all time! COLE Ignoring you. On tap tonight you have two Anderson Cup matches with last year's finalist Los Diablos pit against the oddball team of Jamie O'Hara and Nathaniel Black. Los Diablos haven't done much of note since their miracle run to the finals last year, but they have tag team experience over O'Hara and Black. The other match pits last years winners The Enterprise against Rescue 911. To be sure, this is an unenviable matchup for Rescue 911, who were singlehandedly crushed by Alix last week, and haven't won a match on HeldDOWN since November when they beat Los Conquistadors. COACH Play the funeral procession them crackas! Rescue 911 is dead! Also jumping off on the show is Stephen Joseph Popick against The Mad Cappa, Krista and three girls from the Look of Love are chilling in a skybox, we're going to show you how they got there with a preview from the third episode of Look Of Love, plus we have"After Hours" Felix Strutter & Reggie Lamont against Colombian Heat & Denzel Spencer, and a whole bunch more! DARKNESS~! Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend Keep you in the dark And so it all began THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters begins its melodic opening, the KICKS INTO THE CHORUS as the STAGE EXPLODES! James Cone, the Lunar Phoenix comes plowing through the fire, all business as he makes his way down the ramp. What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender? What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays You're the pretender What if I say that I'll never surrender? He hits the corner turnbuckle and throws an arm up in the air. Dressed in his black and white tights, he hops down into the ring and takes the mic. The crowd is cheering rather mightily He smiles CONE Well, it's been one week. One week, and nobody back there has had the balls to accept my open challenge. The crowd boos. He shrugs and shakes his head innocently. CONE I mean, I understand. I really do. A living legend comes back and everybody's a little hesitant to throw on the boots. But look, I gotta work too. I mean, there's definitely some lovely ladies here that I wouldn't mind blowing… my money on. And I - A strange, playful, merry-go-round'ish song begins blaring over the sound system. Phoenix, startled, gives the crowd a "what the fuck?" look. On the AngleTron, a familiar face appears - BLACK WIDOW! The crowd POPS!, but it soon gives way to confusion all around as the camera pulls back to reveal that what at first appeared to be open eyes were actually painted-on eyes over her closed eyelids. Her face is a pasty white, dark red lipstick haphazardly smeared around her mouth. She's tied to a chair in what appears to be some room in the arena. Dressed in a skin-tight leather suit, it looks as if she was nearly suited up for ring duty tonight. Phoenix raises the mic to say something, but a pair of green-gloved hands grab the camera and swing it around. A GRINNING FACE fills the screen, greasy white with black-eyelinered eyes and a blood red painted on smile. Long dreadlocks have been dyed in three sections, RED-YELLOW-RED, and pulled up like some sort of bizarre jester's hat. The JESTER laughs - creepy, maniacal, insane JESTER Well hello Spidey! Hehehehehehehe! COLE Spidey? Hasn't this guy heard of a gimmick change? COACH Can you have a gimmick change? PHOENIX Who the hell are you? And why the hell is she here? JESTER What, me? You don't recognize me? I'm all hurt inside, SpideyPants! Though, I guess like you I've made myself a little unrecognizable haven't I? Just know that we all three go back a few years. We had a lot of fun! (deadly serious) Think hard, big bird. COLE My God, Coach! Is that - COACH Yep, Cole. This shit just got real. JESTER She was all prepared to come join you in the ring! Getting' all gussied up for her man. And I mean, who wouldn't want to try and win back the heart of a living legend? But, hehehe, I got here first. Like I always do. Like I always did. Well I've got the balls, Big Bird. Just ask her! We can't go having a comeback without me, can we? Phoenix throws the mic down and drops down and out of the ring. He SPRINTS up the ramp. COLE Hurry, Phoenix! COACH I don't think he can hear you, Cole. JESTER HAHAHAHAHAHA! The game's just startin'! See you soon! GREEN GAS fills the frame, causing Phoenix to pause at the top of the ramp. When it clears in the frame, the camera frantically searches for Jester, who has disappeared. The camera guy can be heard coughing…. … then, slowly… giggling. And LAUGHING, but a gargled, cackling, painful laugh. The camera falls over, tragically and beautifully framing BLACK WIDOW, who is also convulsing and laughing, tears coming down her face. Phoenix rushes to the back. COLE I hope he gets there in time. We've got to go to commercial, fans, but we'll be back momentarily. COMMERCIAL

OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Holly-Wood is the sister of which of these former OAOAST Stars? A.Ragdoll B.Northstar C.TJ Burns D.Jacob Lyne The answer: B.Northstar “Work itmake itdo itmakes usharderbetterfasterstronger” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The pulsating beat of “Stronger” by Kanye West alerts the crowd that the World Heavyweight Champion of the OAOAST is coming out, which causes the crowd to start booing loudly. White pyro comes cascading down over the entrance doors, blanketing the entrance. When the pyro disappears, Stephen Joseph Popick is on the entrance stage, his back turned to the fans, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt strapped around his waist. Popick’s arms are outstretched in a crucifix position. “I NEED YA RIGHT NOW!” *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* *PYRO~!* Stephen Joseph turns around, a wide sinister smile on his face. He plays to the jeering audience, each one letting Popick know exactly how they feel about him. He points to both sides of the arena, and then points to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick comes out, the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder as usual. Lindsay smiles evilly, and then kisses her hubby on the lips. Arms linked, the happy couple walks down the entrance ramp as “Stronger” continues playing and the crowd boos. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and wife, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women’s Champion, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. From Atlanta, Georgia. Weighing in at 225 lbs. He is the leader of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation and the reigning One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the wooooorrrrllllllllllldddddddddddddd! STEPHEN JOSEPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH POPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Popick taunts the fans who dare try to touch him or his wife. He laughs evilly. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick set for in-ring action tonight on HeldDOWN~! And tonight has gone his way! Tha Puerto Rican is the #1 entrant in the Lethal Rumble Match, and not only that, but there is a $1 million bounty on Tha Puerto Rican’s head! The person who eliminates Tha Puerto Rican in the Lethal Rumble will get $1 million straight from Vitamin X’s bank account! COACH It is the best way to ensure that Tha Puerto Rican DOES NOT leave Anglepalooza the #1 Contender to the World Heavyweight Title! EVERYBODY in that match will want that $1 million prize! Tha Puerto Rican has No Chance In Hell of winning the Lethal Rumble at Anglepalooza! COLE Also earlier tonight, we saw that BOGUS match between PRL and Vitamin X take place! PRL was beaten down by the ’Corporation’. It was all a trap! COACH And a BEAUTIFUL trap at that! Popick said that PRL and The Mad Cappa would experience ’Corporate Hell’ tonight, and he’s been a man of his word thus far! Popick points a menacing finger at a fan, and then jogs up the ring steps. After stopping to pose again, Stephen Joseph scales the turnbuckle closest to him and puts one leg on the top ring rope. He scans the crowd, presumably to find any Popick fans in the crowd, and he has little luck in finding them in this audience. Still Popick smirks while Lindsay applauds her husband. COLE Now, it’s Cappa’s turn to get ’Corporate Hell’. Remember, on the New Year’s Spectacular two weeks ago, it was Popick who pinned The Mad Cappa to win the match and retain his Title after shoving Cappa into Tha Puerto Rican! He also pulled Cappa's jeans while pinning him too! COACH Popick’s ’Master Plan’ came into fruition! Divide And Conquer! Divide And Conquer! COLE We heard enough of that in the weeks leading up to the New Year’s Spectacular! The plan is done, thank God! COACH And it was a success too, I might add! Now it’s time to concentrate on Anglepalooza, the Triple Threat Match for the Undisputed OAOAST Title, AND the Lethal Rumble Match with PRL as #1! Popick chuckles, and then jumps off the turnbuckle into the ring. COLE That’s right! We are just 10 days away from the start to the Road To AngleMania VII, Anglepalooza, with the 30-man Lethal Rumble Match! And we now know that Tha Puerto Rican is #1, Mr. Boricua is #30, and also in the match are Zack Malibu, Bohemoth, and all of the wrestlers in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! Popick unstraps the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from around his waist and raises it over his head to loud boos. He walks around the ring raising the belt in the air while Lindsay stays on the outside and looks on, sighing lovingly. Popick kisses the belt and then hands it over to referee Earl Hebner, who then gives it to a ringside attendant. The ringside attendant then walks over and hands the belt to the timekeeper who places it on top of the timekeeper’s table. COLE Also at Anglepalooza, Popick will be in a Triple Threat Match to determine the undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion. “After Hours” Felix Strutter puts his OAOAST International Championship on the line! Popick puts his OAOAST World Title on the line! And Colombian Heat, the winner of the Battle Royal on the New Year’s Spectacular, hopes to make history once again, winning his first World Heavyweight Title in the process! COACH Lightning will NOT strike twice for Colombian Heat. You see what I did there? Lightning, Puerto Rican Lightning? PRL is friends with Colombian Heat. Do you get it? COLE No. COACH Damn you, Cole! Popick stretches in the ring. He jumps up and down in place and looks to the entrance as “Stronger” continues playing. COLE A non-title match for Popick tonight. COACH A ‘warm up match’ if you will. COLE For Popick, maybe. But The Mad Cappa is looking for some payback for the New Year’s Spectacular. COACH Well, he’s going to have to keep looking! There’s no way he’s gonna get it tonight! COLE We’ll see Coach. In about a few moments! This is only the SECOND one-on-one match between The Mad Cappa and Stephen Joseph Popick in OAOAST history. The first match took place at AngleSlam back in August of 2004 when Popick defeated The Mad Cappa to win the, what was at the time known as, the OAOAST Italian Championship. COACH And then Popick proceeded to have the greatest Italian Championship reign in OAOAST history! COLE 'The greatest Italian Championship reign in OAOAST history'!? Coach, he BARELY defended the Title, if at all! He held the belt for almost NINE MONTHS, and yet barely anyone noticed he even had the damn Title! COACH That’s your way at looking at it! My way of looking at it is Popick was so powerful nobody wanted to fight him! August 29, 2004, a great day in Popick’s career. The day that he became the OAOAST Italian Champion, the GREATEST one of them all! COLE You are such a Popick kiss-ass, you know that!? Anyway, a stipulation for that match was that if The Mad Cappa lost, he would have to join Popick’s Inten5e stable, a stable that included PRL, Tony Brannigan, and Dan Black. That stable quickly fell by the wayside, but not this new stable Popick is in control of. The newly named Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is stronger than ever, and all eight members have one goal in mind: the complete and total elimination of Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat, and The Mad Cappa from the One And Only AngleSault Thread! COACH And they can get rid of The Mad Cappa tonight! “Stronger” by Kanye West dies down. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation for The Mad Cappa’s entrance. A “CAP-PA!” chant already starts. But Popick ignores the chant and just looks to the entrance. COLE The Mad Cappa vs. Stephen Joseph Popick, one-on-one, for the first time ever on HeldDOWN~! coming up right now! *1, 2, 3! Hit it!* The opening trumpet blare causes the crowd to cheer LOUDLY. The lights go down in the arena. “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” by DJ Kool starts playing. Red spotlights circle the arena, while strobe lights appear over, under and around the AngleTron. Some fans chant “GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA!” to the beat of the song. COLE Listen to this ovation for The Mad Cappa! COACH What!? I can’t hear you! COLE I said…oh nevermind! A single spotlight shines on the entrance stage. The Mad Cappa’s back is turned to the audience. The crowd pops anyway. Cappa starts dancing, bringing the crowd to life. He stops and then turns around, striking a B-Boy stance on the entrance stage. Mad Cappa smiles a wide smile and then begins walking down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From Northern Virginia. Weighing in at 183 lbs. He is a former two-time One And Only AngleSault Thread Puerto Rican/Italian Champion. This…is…THE MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD CAPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The Mad Cappa slaps hands with the fans, but then stops when he gets closer to the ring. Popick taunts him from in the ring. COLE The Mad Cappa has been on the warpath since December when he turned his back on Stephen Joseph Popick! Since then he has been made an enemy of The Lightning Crew--now the SJPC! COACH And tonight, the leader of the SJPC gets him right where he wants him! COLE Will The Mad Cappa experience ’Corporate Hell’ tonight? The Mad Cappa jaw jacks with Popick from outside of the ring. After several more seconds of jaw jacking, Cappa runs towards the ring, sliding into the squared circle! Popick goes for a clothesline, but The Mad Cappa ducks, bounces off of the ropes…and hits Popick with a Lou Thesz Press! COACH The bell hasn’t even rung yet! Earl Hebner sees this and calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “Corporate Hell” STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK (with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick) vs. THE MAD CAPPA “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” dies down. The Mad Cappa is on top of Popick and pummeling him with lefts and rights! COLE Now it has! The Mad Cappa has struck first blood in this contest! Cappa gets off of Popick and then picks him up. The Mad Cappa gives Stephen Joseph Popick an Irish whip into the ropes. Clothesline by The Mad Cappa! The Mad Cappa whips Popick into the ropes again. Back elbow from Mad Cappa! He goes for the cover, hooking Popick’s right leg! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE It was nearly a year ago on this very program that Stephen Joseph Popick and Tha Puerto Rican lost the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles to Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly. What a difference a year makes! COACH A classic match, nominated for TV Match of the Year at the 2007 OAOAST Angle Awards! But believe it or not, Popick is even BETTER than he was when he held the HI-YAH Tag Titles! That is why he is the World Heavyweight Champion right now. COLE Well that, and some cheating. COACH Quiet, you! TMC picks Popick up. He starts punching the face of the OAOAST World Champion, causing much worry for Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. Cappa once again grabs Popick by his right hand and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--Popick reverses--inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline to knock Cappa down! COLE And just like that, Stephen Joseph Popick is back in control! COACH Where he will remain for the rest of the night! The crowd boos. Lindsay looks on as Popick taunts the crowd and then picks The Mad Cappa up. He punches Cappa in the face several times. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Cappa’s entrance into the ring and Lou Thesz Press on Popick. COLE The Mad Cappa started the match off hot with that Lou Thesz Press, but now the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, the leader of the SJPC is in control of The Mad Cappa! Popick takes The Mad Cappa over to a turnbuckle corner where he proceeds to slam Cappa’s head on the top turnbuckle pad. Afterwards, Popick punches Cappa in the face several times. He then kicks Cappa in the gut several times. Stephen Joseph switches between punching and kicking Mad Cappa. He switches to kicking, and starts stomping a mudhole in The Mad Cappa, making sure to walk it dry! “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” “PO-PICK SUCKS!” STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK SHUT UP! COLE That’ll cause them to stop. COACH Shut up! COLE Okay. Popick kicks The Mad Cappa in the gut repeatedly. He chokes Cappa with his right foot. EARL HEBNER Come on now! Break it up! One! Two! Three! Four! Popick lets go at the count of four. He feigns innocence, but the OAOAST Senior Referee isn’t falling for it. SJP pulls TMC out from the turnbuckle and then lifts him up. High angle neckbreaker! Popick goes for the cover, hooking Cappa’s right leg! 1... 2... RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!! COLE The Mad Cappa got the shoulder up that time! The match continues, with Stephen Joseph Popick in control of The Mad Cappa! Popick is annoyed that that wasn’t the finish, but marches on. POPICK COME ON CRAPPA! Popick picks Mad Cappa up. Stalling neckbreaker! COLE Stephen Joseph Popick targeting the neck of The Mad Cappa! We all know how many neck injuries The Mad Cappa has had throughout his career, and it looks like Popick wants to give Cappa ANOTHER one here tonight! SJP picks Cappa up. “CAP-PA!” “CAP-PA!” “CAP-PA!” “CAP-PA!” Popick mocks the crowd’s chanting of “CAP-PA!” and then takes Cappa to another turnbuckle corner where he slams Cappa’s head on the top turnbuckle pad again! He sets Cappa up. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *DOUBLE CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” POPICK WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Popick chuckles and then gets on the second turnbuckle and starts hammering away at Cappa’s skull! The Mad Cappa responds with a low blow on Popick! COACH Hey! He can’t do that! COLE I don’t think the referee saw that! COACH Disqualify him, ref! Low blow! Low blow! The crowd cheers loudly! Popick holds his groin in pain. Cappa shoves Popick off of the second turnbuckle, so that Popick lands HARD back-first onto the mat! The Mad Cappa shakes the cobwebs out, and then rushes to the ropes, bounces off of the ropes--LINDSAY TRIPS THE MAD CAPPA! COLE That little jezebel! COACH A HOT little jezebel at that! The crowd boos Lindsay for that act. Cappa slides out of the ring and confronts Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick about this little transgression! COACH He wouldn’t DARE hit her, would he!? COLE I don’t know! But The Mad Cappa is NOT in a good mood right now! Cappa mouths off to Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick. But Lindsay can talk the talk too, and she runs her mouth on The Mad Cappa! Cappa becomes increasingly annoyed with Popick’s wife, so he grabs Lindsay by her hair and cocks his right fist! COLE He’s gonna do it! COACH NO! NO! DON’T! Lindsay screams for help! Cappa pulls his fist back…and is attacked by Popick from behind! COACH Oh thank God! Thank you Popick! Thank you very much! COLE Stephen Joseph coming to the aid of his wife in the nick of time! COACH What kind of role model is he!? Attacking a poor defenseless woman like that!? COLE Hey, she tripped him! COACH And that means he should punch her in the face!? What the hell is wrong with you!? You’re sick, Michael Cole! You know that? You’re sick! Popick attacks Cappa repeatedly on the outside! Stephen Joseph lifts Cappa up, and drops him onto the barricade! Popick steadies himself, and then clotheslines The Mad Cappa over the barricade and into the crowd! COLE Uh-oh! Popick and The Mad Cappa are on the outside right now! COACH Get Popick away from the unwashed masses! COLE Oh will you stop!? Popick himself goes over the barricade and picks Cappa up. He punches Cappa in the face several times, and kicks him in the gut a few times as well. SJP clotheslines Cappa over the barricade and back into the ringside area again! COACH Short trip, bad landing! HA! HA! Popick climbs back over the barricade and into the ringside area again. He picks Mad Cappa up and punches him in the face several times. He kicks Cappa in the gut a few times as well. Popick stops to pose for the booing fans! COLE No love being shown for the World Heavyweight Champion here in Halifax, Nova Scotia! COACH Pfft. Canadians. What do they know? COLE Uh, Coach, you do realize that Popick’s wife is from Canada right? COACH Lindsay is the only good thing to come out of Canada! As Popick continues his posing with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick applauding her husband, The Mad Cappa jumps onto the top of the barricade and waits for Popick to get near him…CAPPA HITS POPICK WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE FROM THE TOP OF THE BARRICADE! COACH OH NO! The Mad Cappa gets on top of Stephen Joseph and starts hammering away at him! Lindsay screams for Cappa to stop, but obviously, that ain’t going to work! Cappa stops punching Popick to give him TWO middle fingers, and then punches him in the face with a right hand one more time before getting off of Popick and posing himself! The crowd cheers loudly! COLE Popick stopped to pose, and he paid the cost! COACH He’s playing possum! That’s all! He’s playing possum! GET UP POPICK! STOP PLAYING POSSUM! GET UP NOW AND KICK THE MAD CAPPA’S ASS! Cappa plays to his adoring public and then picks up the weakened OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. TMC punches Popick in the face and then throws him back into the ring. COLE And now The Mad Cappa is back in control of the OAOAST Champion! COACH This isn’t right! This isn’t right at all! COLE How so? COACH BECAUSE POPICK IS GETTING BEATEN! COLE Why am I not surprised that that was going to be your answer? COACH Because you know me so well! COLE Sometimes I wish that I didn’t! The Mad Cappa enters the ring himself. He picks Popick up. Popick is now dazed. Lindsay starts panicking on the outside. The Mad Cappa gives Popick a forearm shot to the face! He does it again! And again! And again! The Mad Cappa whips Popick into a turnbuckle corner--Popick reverses--The Mad Cappa leaps onto the top turnbuckle and leaps off of it with a Side Swinging Moonsault onto Stephen Joseph Popick! COLE Side Swinging Moonsault! Could that be all!? 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POPICK KICKS OUT!!!!!!!!! COLE A close fall for The Mad Cappa! 1 second away from beating the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COACH He couldn’t do it on the New Year’s Spectacular, and he’s NOT going to do it tonight! COLE We shall see, Coach! Cappa is putting up quite the fight! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows The Mad Cappa’s flying clothesline from the top of the barricade. COLE The Mad Cappa went FLYING there! COACH Oh yeah, really rub it in, Cole! He caught Popick off guard! Popick wasn’t prepared for him that time! COLE You would think a World Champion would be better prepared-- COACH Don’t you start, Michael Cole! Don’t you dare start! The Mad Cappa picks Stephen Joseph Popick up. COLE I’ll tell you what, The Mad Cappa isn’t in the Lethal Rumble yet, but after tonight’s performance, the OAOAST Board of Directors may consider giving him a spot in the match! COACH Then it’ll be more proof that the OAOAST Board of Directors are on drugs. The Mad Cappa punches Popick in the face several times. He then switches to forearm shots to the face. After four forearms, The Mad Cappa spins around, and throws a discuss forearm to Stephen Joseph Popick, knocking him down! COLE The IMPACT! Popick is down! The crowd is starting to come alive. Cappa exits the ring and climbs the top rope. He gets into position. Suddenly, Spanish Fly runs down the entrance ramp and shakes the top ring rope, causing The Mad Cappa to lose his balance and crotch himself on the top rope! COLE That sellout is out here! COACH Don’t call him a sellout! He made the right decision! Spanish Fly laughs maniacally while the crowd boos loudly. Cappa tumbles off of the top rope and collapses onto the mat, holding his no-no place. COLE Spanish Fly, the shortest member of the SJPC! COACH But he has the biggest heart! Spanish Fly stays at ringside to watch the action…that is until Colombian Heat shows up and attacks Fly! COLE Wait a minute! Colombian Heat is here! COACH WHAT THE HELL? Colombian Heat pummels his former running buddy to the crowd’s delight! Heat slams Fly’s face on top of a barricade! Heat punches Fly some more! COLE Colombian Heat taking it to his former best friend! COACH Fly, do something! Do something now damnit! Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly battle it out on the entrance ramp! Meanwhile, back in the ring, Stephen Joseph Popick picks The Mad Cappa up! He punches Cappa in the face several times. He whips him into a turnbuckle corner--The Mad Cappa reverses--Popick reverses again--The Mad Cappa runs right into Earl Hebner! The referee collapses onto the mat! COLE Oh! And the referee is down! The Mad Cappa is shocked by this turn of events! So shocked, he doesn’t notice when Popick grabs him from behind in a Full Nelson! The crowd buzzes, knowing that something is coming up that they won’t like. Indeed, Stephen Joseph walks with The Mad Cappa to the opposite turnbuckle and sets his feet on the second turnbuckle. COACH Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Popick looks to the crowd, smiles evilly…and then jumps off the top rope, over The Mad Cappa, pulling Cappa over into a Full Nelson Suplex, but shifting his body in mid-air so that he lands on his ass to do a Stone Cold Stunner on Cappa! COLE Finality! Finality on The Mad Cappa! COACH He hit it! He hit his move! The crowd boos loudly as The Mad Cappa falls to the mat! Popick quickly covers The Mad One…except that there’s no referee. Popick is annoyed greatly at this. COLE Popick hit the Finality! But there’s no referee! COACH Oh, why did Cappa have to hit the referee!? Stupid Cappa! COLE You know, The Mad Cappa might have saved himself there! COACH I know, and that’s what sucks about this! Stephen Joseph Popick slaps the mat in frustration and then goes to wake Earl Hebner up at Lindsay’s suggestion. He shakes the Senior Referee, slaps him across the face, but is unable to wake the ref up. COLE The Mad Cappa is down! Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are brawling on the outside! And Stephen Joseph Popick cannot seem to wake up Earl Hebner! COACH Get up you old fart! You’ve been knocked out so many times over the years you’d think that you’d be used to it by now! Popick yells at Earl Hebner to wake up. POPICK COME ON! COME ON! Popick throws the referee back onto the mat. He mutters to himself as he goes back to The Mad Cappa. HOWEVER, Colombian Heat slides into the ring. He kicks Popick in the stomach, turns around, hooks Popick’s arms, and then scoops him up into the air! COACH No! No! No! Not this! The crowd comes unglued! Colombian Heat has Popick up in the air. Heat looks at Spanish Fly on the outside, looks at The Mad Cappa down on the mat, looks at Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick freaking out on the outside, looks up at Popick, and then looks at the crowd and smiles. Heat nods his head… and then proceeds to drop down, giving Stephen Joseph Popick the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie on Stephen Joseph Popick! COACH No! No! No! COLE Is this a preview of the Triple Threat Match at Anglepalooza? Is this move in Popick’s future? COACH No way! No how! Popick wasn’t ready! HE WASN’T PREPARED! But he WILL be prepared on January 27th! He will be! He will be! Colombian Heat gets all up in Popick’s grill! Spanish Fly slides into the ring and attacks Colombian Heat! COACH Get him, Fly! Get him! Spanish Fly hammers Heat’s back! He kicks Heat in the stomach several times! Spanish Fly kicks Heat out of the ring and then follows him out, brawling with his former ally on the outside! COLE And now Heat and Fly are going at it again! One year ago tomorrow they captured the HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship together! And now, 364 days later, they are mortal enemies! COACH Spanish Fly showing us right now that he was the star of that team by getting the better of Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly slug it out in the ringside area! They go up the entrance ramp. At the same time, Tha Puerto Rican runs down the entrance ramp and around the ringside area. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is here! COACH What is he doing!? Does he want more of a beating from earlier tonight!? PRL grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from the timekeeper’s table and walks with it around ringside. COACH He’s stealing the Title belt! Stop him! COLE Pipe down! PRL walks up the ring steps, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his right hand, and then enters the ring. The crowd is abuzzed. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has got the OAOAST World Title belt in his possession! COACH And that’s the ONLY way he’ll ever have the OAOAST World Title belt in his possession, by the way! PRL stands in a turnbuckle corner, and gets ready to hit someone with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. COLE PRL is gonna hit someone with the belt! COACH But who? Popick or Cappa? COLE Well, my money’s on Popick! After what went down earlier tonight, after making PRL the #1 entrant in the Lethal Rumble, and after putting a $1 million bounty on his head! COACH Don’t forget what happened on the New Year’s Spectacular. COLE That too. PRL motions for someone to get up. Both Popick and Cappa show signs of life on the mat. COLE PRL is not friends with either of these guys! Remember, they all fought for the Title on the New Year’s Spectacular two weeks ago! COACH Popick, watch out! PRL is a mad man! And he’s got YOUR belt in HIS hands! COLE Popick better watch out! Stephen Joseph Popick slowly moves to his side. The Mad Cappa also slowly moves to his side. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick tries to warn her husband that PRL is in the ring, but he’s not listening. Tha Puerto Rican is antsy, and so is the crowd. COLE PRL is getting ready to do some damage! He’s got his eyes locked on Popick! COACH No, on The Mad Cappa! COLE No, he’s clearly aiming for Popick! COACH No, The Mad Cappa! COLE No, Popick! COACH Cappa! COLE Popick! COACH Cappa! COLE Popick! COACH Cappa! COLE Popick! COACH Cappa! COLE Popick! COACH Popick! COLE Cappa! COACH Yes! COLE D’oh! Stephen Joseph Popick gets on his hands and knees. The Mad Cappa is on his side. Popick gets on his left knee. Cappa starts to get to his hands and knees. THA PUERTO RICAN COME ON! COLE PRL is just BEGGING for Popick-- COACH --Cappa! COLE --to get up! And when he does, he’s in for a rude awakening! COACH Yes, The Mad Cappa certainly is in for a rude awakening! COLE Oh, will you stop!? COACH It’s true! KURT ANGLE It’s damn true! COLE Popick is on his left knee and is slowly pushing himself up. The Mad Cappa is on his hands and knees. COLE Here it comes! COACH Look out Mad Cappa! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is frantically yelling for Popick to look out. Stephen Joseph slowly rises back up to his feet. The Mad Cappa is on his right knee, and he too, is slowly getting up. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation. Popick gets to a vertical base. The Mad Cappa is slowly getting up. Tha Puerto Rican charges forward, swinging the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt… …and completely MISSING Stephen Joseph Popick, instead hitting The Mad Cappa RIGHT IN THE FACE~!!! COLE Oh no! COACH I TOLD YOU! I KNEW IT! HE WAS AIMING FOR THE MAD CAPPA! HE WAS AIMING FOR THE MAD CAPPA! COLE No he wasn’t! Tha Puerto Rican clearly made a mistake! COACH How so!? He HATES The Mad Cappa! Remember? Tha Puerto Rican obviously hit the wrong person, as the expression on his face shows regret. He stands over the fallen Mad Cappa speechless…which allows Popick to give PRL a LOW BLOW taking him down to the mat! COLE And Popick with a low blow to take advantage of the situation! COACH Yeah! That’s Championship thinking right there! THAT is why he is the World Heavyweight Champion! COLE For once, you are exactly right! COACH Thank yo--HEY! Popick covers The Mad Cappa. Earl Hebner is showing signs of life now. COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me! COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! Earl Hebner sees Popick covering The Mad Cappa and crawls over to them. Lindsay is absolutely giddy right now. COLE Oh damnit! No! No! Not this way! Damnit! The crowd boos loudly. Tha Puerto Rican is sliding out of the ring, holding his junk. Earl Hebner gets into position, making sure both of Cappa’s shoulders are down on the mat. Popick hooks Cappa’s right leg. COACH Here it comes. Tha Puerto Rican slides out of the ring, still holding his groin area. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly have continued fighting backstage, exiting through the entrance doors. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is ready to celebrate. Stephen Joseph Popick has an evil smile on his face as he covers The Mad Cappa, who is unconscious now. Earl Hebner makes the count. 1... 2... 2 ½ 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (6:57) “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE And the Ultimate Opportunist steals another one! COACH Another win for THE CHAMP~! “Stronger” by Kanye West begins playing as the crowd boos loudly. Some fans even throw garbage into the ring. Lindsay jumps up and down and applauds her hubby as Michael Buffer makes the official announcement. BUFFER Here is your winner…STEPHEN JOSEPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH POPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Stephen Joseph Popick takes a deep breath, and then gets on his knees and raises his hands in victory with a sinister look on his face. He grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt that is lying on the mat and raises it over his head to LOUD boos. Popick chuckles at the booing, not letting it bother him right now. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, with a HUGE victory here tonight in this non-title bout! COACH And it’s all thanks to PRL hitting Mad Cappa in the face with the World Title belt! COLE You’re right, Coach! But it was an accident…wasn’t it? COACH No! No way! This is just like the New Year’s Spectacular all over again! Popick used PR and The Mad Cappa’s hatred of each other to get the victory! Divide And Conquer! Divide And Conquer! HA! HA! HA! HA! Lindsay applauds Stephen Joseph from the outside. SJP stands up and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his left hand in the air. He laughs manically while the crowd boos. COLE It had to have been an accident. PRL was clearly aiming for Popick! COACH No, it wasn’t! PRL was aiming for The Mad Cappa all along! He was just acting like he was aiming for Popick to surprise The Mad Cappa! Popick continues posing with his World Championship belt over the fallen Mad Cappa as the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match, starting with Tha Puerto Rican giving The Mad Cappa a ::Beltshot::. COLE Tha Puerto Rican had the OAOAST Title belt in his hands. He swung the belt at Popick, Popick ducked, and The Mad Cappa got the burnt of the belt! Popick then gave PRL a low blow and capitalized on Tha Puerto Rican's blunder, covering The Mad Cappa just as Earl Hebner was getting up to get the 1-2-3. And another victory for Stephen Joseph Popick! COACH Oh, I’m sure there is no love lost between PR and Popick, but still, PRL WANTED to hit Mad Cappa, and he did. COLE Then why did Popick move out of the way? COACH Eh, PRL’s vision is a little blurry. He thought he was hitting Cappa, but Popick directed him to the REAL Mad Cappa! COLE Oh come on! That’s just ridiculous! COACH It’s the truth, Ruth! Stephen Joseph Popick taunts The Mad Cappa despite the fact that Cappa is knocked out from the beltshot. He gives The Mad Cappa a middle finger to his face and then stands over him and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his left hand and flips a middle finger to the crowd with his right hand. He taunts the crowd and continues flipping a finger to them while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick applauds from the outside and points to Stephen Joseph Popick saying, “That’s my man!” as “Stronger” continues playing. COACH What a victory for Stephen Joseph Popick! He is 2-0 against The Mad Cappa! 3 years later, but same match result! Woooo! COLE This was his night! Everything he wanted, he got! He put the SJPC into the Lethal Rumble Match! He made Tha Puerto Rican the #1 entrant in the Lethal Rumble AND put a $1 million bounty on his head! He had his Corporation give PRL a beatdown! And he main evented and defeated The Mad Cappa 1-2-3 under controversial circumstances! COACH Who cares how he won? The important thing is that he won! And in a roundabout way, he has PRL to thank for it! COLE Sadly, he does. But not in the way that we’re used to. Tha Puerto Rican is still holding his nuts in pain. He manages to get up on the outside, using the ring apron to keep him from falling. He eyes Popick angrily, giving him the McMahon SNEER~! and muttering something under his breath. Popick spots PRL getting up and sarcastically thanks him for helping him win the match “just like in the old days!” He laughs manically and taunts PRL, raising the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt high in the air, and then does the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture at him. PRL’s face is red with RAGE~! He goes to slide back into the ring…but Popick stops Tha Puerto Rican from doing anything by kicking him right in the face! Tha Puerto Rican falls to the protective mats on the outside! COLE Oh! And this is how Popick repays him for helping him win the match!? COACH Hey, they’re not friends anymore! Popick doesn’t need PRL, but PRL needs Popick! COLE That’s a lie and you know it! PRL lies face down on the protective mats on the outside. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick runs over and kicks PRL in the back with her heel! She then runs back to where she was originally, pointing and laughing at Tha Puerto Rican’s misery. COACH I love that girl. COLE Like Popick will ever let you have her! COACH I can dream, can I? COLE Eugh. Tha Puerto Rican is still face down on the protective mats on the outside. The Mad Cappa is still lying spread eagle on the mat, unconscious from the beltshot given to him by Tha Puerto Rican. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick continues applauding her husband from the outside, the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt shining brightly over her right shoulder. Referee Earl Hebner has already left through the sliding doors. Stephen Joseph Popick continues playing to the booing crowd. He slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and smiles evilly, taunting the fans as “Stronger” by Kanye West continues playing. COLE Fans, thanks for tuning into HeldDOWN~! tonight! Things are getting heated up as we get closer and closer to Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble Match! We now know who’s #1 and who’s #30! We also now know that $1 million will be awarded to the man who eliminates Tha Puerto Rican in the Lethal Rumble Match! Stephen Joseph Popick has proclaimed that there is No Chance In Hell that Tha Puerto Rican will win the Lethal Rumble Match and go on to face the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th! And with every wrestler in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation in the Lethal Rumble…he might be right about that! One thing’s for sure: tonight on HeldDOWN~!, Tha Puerto Rican AND The Mad Cappa experienced ’CORPORATE HELL’! FADE OUT

We're transported backstage to The Enterprise dressing room/office, which features barely enough working lights to be considered properly illuminated. All that shines is a single desk lamp, and even that gives no light to the shadowy figures of Christian, Mackenzie, and Moneymaker. The depressingly faint gleam hints towards the disheartened mood that engulfs the three. MACKENZIE Guys, let's cheer up. What's a loss to Zack Malibu equate to in the long run? Nothing. Even in the short run its just a foot note in a very forgettable history. What's important is the Anderson Cup, and you won. You crushed Rescue 911, any worse of a beating and we'd all be getting finger printed at the police station. Tonight is a night that's for celebration, not sulking. Celebration! Irritated, Wright shoves past Mackenzie roughly on his way to the mini bar. Though he pours himself a glass of Brandy, its more to wash away his sorrows over his loss then to celebrate the easy victory over Rescue 911. MONEYMAKER I'm afraid all your hullabaloo and joviality is about to get tempered by one of those rotten good news/bad news announcements. Whichever one you want to hear first, that's your call. Just be aware that by the time I'm done, we like Mister Wright will be toasting to better days past. MACKENZIE Fine then. What's the good news? MONEYMAKER There is no good news. You're fired. Stunned into silence, Mackenzie can achieve little more then a horrified gasp of dismay before she finally musters the courage for speech. MACKENZIE What? Why? MONEYMAKER Because you are that woman. MACKENZIE That woman? WRIGHT (angrily waving his glass at Mackenzie) That woman that breeds awful heinous discord. That woman that levels kingdoms, that woman that entombs dynasties so that they live only in the cautionary fables of history, that woman that brings the blade of guillotines across an empire with sudden finality. You, milady, are most certainly that woman! You are that woman that is sabotaging The Enterprise! Drawing away from the desk, Mackenzie winces at the heated denunciation. MACKENZIE How can you say that to me? WRIGHT I speak such words because the truth shall set me free, and you, my once lively consort, are but a burden upon weary souls! MONEYMAKER I trusted you to be my right hand woman, the brains behind the greatest and most innovative operation sports entertainment would ever bow before. But over time there's been too many moments where I have to wonder if you actually have any brains at all in that thick skull of yours. The answer is you must. That is why you've done what revolutions, riots, strikes, unions, and governments in fifty countries could not do. Bring down a Moneymaker. You are a cancer, woman. Murderous cancer. You have injected poison into every vein on this finely tuned body. I can't sit idly by and be the man who let Rome fall, and I won't let you be the one who brings the torch to it. MACKENZIE What have I done? Frustrated beyond all control, Wright slams his glass onto the bar. WRIGHT You have existed! For that thou art punished, for we all art punished! MONEYMAKER Over the past year you have provided some sort of distraction to what used to be a harmonious venture. And these distractions all seem to revolve around one of two people Krista or Alix. Nowadays instead of mapping out our next conquest, or innovating unique business strategies, we're bogged down by argument after argument over your sweet charming lady love, Alix Maria Spezia. The very essence of our existence now revolves around Alix. Everything you do is not done for the men signing your paycheck, but for the girl unhooking your bra strap. This distraction in a short skirt and polo shirt is one that you've unleashed on us. Now we die because of you. You're falling prey to the militant dyke predator is pestilence, famine, and earthquakes all rolled into one. It is The Enterprise's Apocalypse. MACKENZIE You're overreacting! WRIGHT Is he now? domination, expansion, control, these are the foundation stones laid to elevate The Enterprise towards the heavens and beyond! MONEYMAKER You tell me which of those goals have we accomplished since you first found yourself infatuated with America's sweethearts? Not a one! We're a group without purpose, mission, or point. We're aimlessly adrift at sea, and I've seen the future, and the rats are jumping ship, and I the captain am left to die a slow, lonely quiet death. No! No! I won't have it! Losses to Vinny Valentine, losses to Los Diablos, losses to The Love Doctors, losses to Deuce Deuce Bigelow. What's next a guest beatdown at the hands of the Brooklyn Brawler? The Blonds fall to the Express in the Anderson Cup, then are promptly chased into hiding in a limo by that same team. Allen can hardly beat one of Los Diablos. Christian, so much talent, so much potential, can't even beat the dull lummox he brought into this company, and tonight gets crushed beyond all respect by Zack Malibu. What is this group, but a bad joke that nobody gets? This is no evil empire, this is a substandard middling professional wrestling stable! The only two people seeing consistent success are myself, and surprise, Alix! MACKENZIE So, you can't fire us! MONEYMAKER Oh I have no intention of firing "us". As the old saying goes "just win, baby." And, your baby always wins. So, she'll be staying aboard whether it tickles her fancy or not. She's not terribly smart, she can be molded into a more docile, subservient pet. You on the other hand have introduced a plague into our company. WRIGHT If the Enterprise is going to fall by your sword, so shall the betrayal be mutual. Mackenzie's rage is at its highest point yet, and can no longer be matched by her calm. Her hands terrorize the desk with heavy pounding that draws a stare of frightened anger from her boss. MACKENZIE Unbelievable! This crap is unbelievable! WRIGHT Speak not, for we shall hear none of it. MACKENZIE You're both crazy! If anything its your fault! Both of you! For all your bravado, and heavy handed blow hard speech, you keep leading this group into mediocrity. Why are you blaming me for all this? Now it is Moneymaker's turn to play the role of uncivilized hot head. Its a part he undertakes with raw passion, swatting a stack of papers and laptop from its position on the desk. MONEYMAKER Because I am sick of blaming myself, because it hurts. It hurts more then you can understand, and I want someone else to hurt to. I want to watch someone suffer, suffer that kind of pain that gives them that cold dreary piercing in their stomach. The kind that makes it hard to walk, hard to breathe, hard to do anything but freeze in place and wait for their world to stop burning. I want to see someone squirm beneath my boot, with that sad look of hopeless despair in their eyes because they know that I am god, yes I am god, and they are nothing more than miserable pathetic shit on the sole of my shoe. I want to snap my fingers and watch someone's entire existence crumble into nothingness. I want to bring upon somebody's end, I want someone to wake up everyday in a cold unberable hell and think that its my fault, and know they are correct. I don't just want to do this to anyone mind you. I want to do this to someone rich, someone powerful, someone famous, someone who I can make my legend off of bringing them to their knees. I want to destroy someone. And I want to be remembered for it. For the rest of my days. MACKENZIE (quickly but with a sharp and easily detected tone of sinister intent) I can help you. In a mixture of skepticism and curiosity, Wright and Moneymaker raise their eyebrows. MONEYMAKER No you can't. MACKENZIE I can. I can help both of us. Moneymaker's eyes widen into a never before seen raw vulnerability. MONEYMAKER I need this. Mackenzie smirks at the sudden reversal of desperation. MACKENZIE Do I have a job? MONEYMAKER I need this in my life. This is my blood! This is my soul! MACKENZIE Do I have my job? MONEYMAKER (pleadingly) If you help me destroy someone of worth, you have my eternal debt. Mackenzie grins with the soul of a demon and the heart of the devil herself. MACKENZIE Let's talk business. COMMERCIAL Backstage, outside The Enterprise's locker room, Mackenzie DeCenzo seems to be engaged in a urgent discussion with her girlfriend Alix Spezia. Holding a box of her famous Miss Spezia's Sweeties cookies, and clothed in a short denim skirt and grey t-shirt that reads I HATE MY GIRLFRIEND (did no one tell her the weather report), Alix seems less then pleased with the developments of the night ALIX (waving her arms franticly) Ack! Gah! Ugh! Ah! Gack! Gack! MACKENZIE I know you're mad! ALIX Exqueze me baking powder? I am so un-mad! I'm choking on these super stupid chocolate raisin cookies. Are we putting arsenic in these things? Be for reals, fam. Be for reals. Rush to your local grocers for your box of Miss Spezia's Sweeties Chocolate Raisin Cookies, there's love in every box. Oh, and fifty grams of mother freaking arsenic! Don't delay, poison your kids today! Oh god, oh god, oh dear sweet god! The poison is fast! Oh father! Papa can you hear me? Papa can you see me? Papa can you find me in the night? Papa can you feel me? The walls, Mackenzie! The walls! They're closing in! The worlds on fire its more then I can handle. Ill tap into the water try and bring my share. Try to bring more, more then I can handle. Bring it to the table. Bring what I am able. MACKENZIE Leave the Lillith fair hits of yesterday alone, and lets talk. Alix, I know you're mad about what I just did with Moneymaker. I know that deal could bring some trouble for you. ALIX Really, Mac-a-doo? Ya think so, huh? Awww, whatever gave ya that impression? My brand new haircut, which I got from yanking almost every strand of her out my scalp because I am soooooooo incredibly freaking pissed right now that I'm actually using three syllable words! Was it the huge amounts of steam that keeps on pouring outta my ears? The fact that I am like this close to breathing a five alarm blaze all over ya? Or maybe its the huge neon sign above me saying “BEWARE RAGING LESBIAN!” MACKENZIE Calm down! ALIX Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my friggin god! Let us pray the pimps prayer. Lord Jesus, my real nigga, my hood nigga, I ask you in this moment of peril and danger to give me the strength not to choke this bitch ho dead. MACKENZIE I don't really enjoy that kind of language to be honest. ALIX And lord please guide your pimp hand upside this trick ass bitch's head, so that she may learn a ho's place. Amen. Have you been gargling bong water? Are you sprinkling crack cocaine onto your Rice Krispies? If you're not then you mos def should, because holy crapthat's freaking awesome! Do I ever get any calmer when you ask me? Has that ever in the six months we've been dating happened? You've seen me run naked through the hallways carrying a blow torch, a cap gun, and the flag of Guam... MACKENZIE Yeah, you did it when you found out Hannah Montana tickets were sold out. ALIX I waited two weeks in line for those tickets, until someone told me the Forum in Inglewood hasn't been used since 2003! Two weeks! You've seen me shake the doorman at your condo complex upside for all the change in his pocket then punt that loser halfway to Laguna Niguel, but have you ever, ever, everevereverevereverever seen me calm down? Have ya? Better go gulp down Eau de Bong before ya see that happen, Smokey McPot, because Ally is straight up P.O.'ed! MACKENZIE They said I was a cancer! ALIX God that's gnarly dumb, everyone knows you're a Libra. MACKENZIE Alix, baby, I didn't have a choice. That's my job, its my livelyhood. You're saying I betrayed the secret, but in turn you ask me to betray my life. There were two options laid before me, I took the only one that gave us any hope. Us, Alix. You and me. Will it cause pain? Will it cause hurt? Yeah, it'll cause a lot of it. And, I know you care and I know you don't want to deal the ramifactions of this, but you're with me now. You're with me forever. I'll protect you from anyone who tries to hurt you. With my life, my blood, and my soul. ALIX Uh-huh, that's crazaaaay bitching, Mackie. But is that supposed to make me feel better now that I have to sleep with ten machetes, two AK 47'S, three M16's and the bolivan army underneath my pillow? MACKENZIE It makes me feel better. Because I know that no matter how many souls wither and die because of this secret, we're going to flourish. ALIX Really? MACKENZIE Yes, really, flourish. And maybe if you're up to it and you like the word, you and I can call our duet on your debut album Flourish. ALIX Lord, let us once again say the pimps prayer, for once again a bitch has gone up out her mind. MACKENZIE No, Alix for real. I know that you've been spending a lot of time in the recording studio lately, working on your music. That's why in exchange for your cooperation and service, Mister Moneymaker has agreed to join the record company in paying part of the promotional budget for your brand new, soon to be released album! This manages to calm Alix into a guardedly excited state of uh...calm? ALIX Ah! Uh-uh, you lie, no way! You're crazy! MACKENZIE Like a fox! ALIX I doubt it! MACKENZIE You wish. ALIX Don't I ever. No, no, no, this isn't right. Line item veto, here, don't know what that means thinks it makes me sound kinda smart. Like, you can't just buy my silence with promises of a way huge, way awesome, way rockin' billboard charting CD. Like, I am not that simple, I'm the woman who really had to come to grips with voting for Patrick as president of Bikini Bottom. I'm sorry but my answer is no. CUT to me crushin it on the VMA'S performing the hit single from my hella gnarly debut album! MACKENZIE I love it when you do cut to me, baby! ALIX Duh, everyone with taste does! MACKENZIE So, we're good with this. We're all on the same page now? ALIX Yeah, maybe, I guess, I dunno. Its just so harsh, and so wrong, I don't know if I'm really comfortable with what it could to do to people. Its just really sneaky, incredibly, incredibly, horrible. And of course I'm gonna be the one catching crazy heat. Do you any clue how many lame dorks and captain save a ho's are gonna be all up in my face because of this? And they don't want no drama, no-no-no drama. Maybe Moneymaker just be happy knowing the secret, maybe he won't blab it to anyone. Or maybe he'll die. Dude, wouldn't be the greatest thing ever if Moneymaker croaked? Hells yeah! He should so die! That'd solve everything! Mackenzie shakes her head, because that dude ain't ever keelin over. MACKENZIE Come on baby, let's take a walk and talk about your brand new album ALIX I want it to be a concept album about goats! And lasers! And cheese! And ponies! And ponies with lasers who eat cheese but secretly harvest the organs of their goat slaves to run the cheese factories! I'll call it, How Stella Got Her Groove Back. MACKENZIE Let's walk a long time. Mackenzie hooks her arm between Alix's and together they walk down the hallway. COMING UP NEXT BUST A CAP IN POPICK'S MOTHERFUCKIN ASS! Stephen Joseph Vs The Mad Cappa NEXT COMMERCIAL

IN THE PARKING LOT Paramedics wheel the camera-man by, squirming but somewhat sedated. A gurney with Black Widow is right behind, with Phoenix at it's side. They pause as the camera guy is loaded into the ambulance. PHOENIX You're gonna be alright, okay? I promise. WIDOW (weakly) I know…. Hehehehe … I'm sorry. PHOENIX Get some rest, beautiful. They load her in and the ambulance speeds away. TONY SCHIAVONE appears with a microphone. SCHIAVONE Phoenix, can you give us an update on Widow? PHOENIX Yeah… um, paramedics said she'll probably be alright once she gets it out of her system. SCHIAVONE Do you have any idea who this Jester is? Why he'd want to hurt Black Widow on her re-debut? PHOENIX You need a history lesson, Schiavone. We all do. This bastard included. I whipped his ass last time, I'll do it this time. And this time for good. You want me, Jester? You've got my full and undivided attention. But believe me. That's the last thing you wanted. Phoenix leaves, obviously furious and frustrated and shaken up all at the same time. Schiavone turns to the camera, concerned and resigned to the insanity that is the OAOAST. SCHIAVONE Looks like the challenge has been answered and set in stone. James Cone and the mysterious Jester at Anglepalooza. At our backstage interview area, OAOAST babe correspondent Maggie Nerdly is with the Lone Star Gunslingers and Melody (perhaps bored with Firepro unlike the certain someone who wrote this segment!!!) MAGGIE 10 days and counting until Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble match, which my guests at this time will be participants in, the One & Only World tag team champions, the Lone Star Gunslingers! But guys, last week on this program you said you'd put the titles on the line anytime, anywhere. All anybody had to do was sign on the dotted line, an offer James Blonde and Faqu took you up on following their elimination from the Anderson Cup. JOCK An animal is most dangerous when it's wounded, little lady. Right now James Blonde and Faqu are just that. They've said in the past they get no respect. No respect at all. Different story tonight, boys, 'cause we respect the hell outta you, just as we do all our opponents, but we ain't gonna let a couple roughnecks like yourselves come in and take our gold without putting up a good...fight. The guys stare off-camera. MELODY BARON Is there a problem, buddy? The man in question walks into view and it's none other than LANDON MADDIX. LANDON None at all. Just wanted to wish you good luck. With the biggest shit-eating grin imaginable Landon extends his hand to Baron and is snubbed! He nods smiling wryly as the champs exit. COLE Landon Maddix wishing the Lone Star Gunslingers luck? I got a bad feeling about this. Something doesn't smell right. Either way folks, we will back with The Gunslingers highly anticipated first tag title defense! COMING UP NEXT ***ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES*** LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS VS FAQU AND JAMES BLONDE NEXT COMMERCIAL We return to live action with the crowd abuzz for the impending tag title match. Stationed in the ring in an awesome white suit, is Michael Buffer. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the One & Only World tag team championship! * cheers and applause * The cheers quickly turn to jeers as "Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship hits. BUFFER Coming down the aisle, the challengers, representing Internationally Known. At a total combined weight of 590 pounds, "THE MOVER FROM VANCOUVER" JJAAAAAAAMMEEEEEESSSS BLONDE and "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde and Faqu pause atop the stage and, to everyone's surprise, are joined by MEGAN SKYE. COLE What purpose does that young lady have out here? COACH Isn't obvious? To counteract that known cheater Melody Nerdly. COLE Baloney. I'm willing to bet this has something to do with the help James Blonde and Faqu lend Landon Maddix a few weeks ago. This explains him wishing the Gunslingers luck earlier. I knew something smelled fishy. COACH Look on the bright side, Cole. With all the whining you've done about the need for a second official during tag matches you ought to be thrilled somebody finally listened. The music dies and Fall Out Boy's "Thriller" kicks up. BUFFER Their opponents and reigning champions, accompanied by everyone's favorite gal pal and 2007 Manager of the Year MELODY NERDLY... THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jock and Baron jog to the ring with the titles around their waists, along with Melody slapping each and every hand placed in front of them. COLE A standing ovation for your One & Only World tag team champions, the Lone Star Gunslingers. Deservedly so. They put a lot of time and effort into achieving their goal. COACH They may be your champions but Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels certainly aren't mine. The Heavenly Rockers are still #1 in the hearts and minds of people the world over. In fact, I understand Congress will hold a hearing regarding the controversial matter Synth and Logan lost the tag titles. COLE Give me a break! There was nothing controversial about it. Quit trying to stir the pot. The pre-match garb is removed and senior official Earl Hebner holds up the tag titles for all to see before handing it over to ring announcer Michael Buffer. * DINGDINGDING * James Blonde and Jock Mulligan start out for their respective teams, locking up mid-ring. Even though Mulligan holds the size and weight advantage Blonde snaps him over with an arm drag and congratulates himself with a self high-five. "BOO!" MEGAN Jock tips his cap, figuratively speaking of course, and locks back up with James to a much different result as he's the one who takes Blonde to the ground with an arm drag. "YEAH!" MELODY To rub home the point Jock high-fives Baron AND Melody, causing James to throw a hissy fit. COLE Look at this. You've got a grown man acting like a child. COACH Whatever happened to good sportsmanship? Jock's the one who started all the taunting. Blonde wants another go at Mulligan, but when they come to locking up he kicks Jock in the gut and rattles him with a big right hand. Shot off into the ropes Jock ducks a clothesline and comes back at James with a HIGH CROSS BODY PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER! ONE.. TWO... KICKOUT! Jock slams James and comes off the ropes with a big elbow. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Sent in for the ride Blonde is able to grab onto the top rope and tag out. Faqu stands across from Jock beating his chest and roaring at the top of his lungs, but the Texas Twister isn't intimidated, challenging the Samoan Wrecking Ball to bring it. After letting out a primal scream Faqu he charges forward and runs the Gunslinger over with a vicious shoulder tackle! "OH!" COACH (laughing) That's what that idiot gets for thinking he could match-up with the Samoan Wrecking Ball. As the action continues, we go to a split-screen. Watching from the back are the former OAO World tag team champions the Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood. Synth, wearing a "I *heart* Mike Huckabee" t-shirt, reacts to every blow dished out by the Samoan Wrecking Ball. COLE The Heavenly Rockers paying close attention to this one. They'd love another shot at the Lone Star Gunslingers, but in order to do that they must win the Anderson Cup first. COACH Which is totally unfair. As the former champions they should automatically receive a rematch. Faqu stomps Jock in the face and rams him into the buckle, driving the shoulder into the midsection again and again. Whipped across Jock narrowly avoids a corner splash and hip tosses the big Samoan out towards the center of the ring. COLE Jock going up on top. What's he gonna do here? MISSLE DROPKICK!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ONE... TWO... KICKOUT, AND WITH AUTHORITY! Quick tag by the champions and Baron Windels levels Faqu with a TOP ROPE LARIAT! ONE... TWO... NO! Faqu kicks out again. Baron unloads with a series of Cowboy Bebop elbows and Texas size right hands, but the blows have little effect. BARON In fact, slapping his chest, Faqu ASKS FOR MORE. COLE This man is inhuman! Baron hits the ropes and gets caught with a THRUST KICK on the rebound. Then Faqu comes off the near side with a BIG SPLASH! Melody feeling Baron's pain as he's covered. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Scoop and a slam, and Faqu delivers a SECOND ROPE DIVING HEADBUTT! ONE... TWO... Save by Jock! COACH The champions getting desperate. They sense the title beginning to slip away. COLE A hushed silence has fallen over the arena. Fans certainly didn't expect to see this and neither did I. James Blonde and Faqu are more focused than ever. Baron's rammed into the boot of James Blonde, and the Mover from Vancouver follows it up with a TORNADO DDT! COACH From Vancouver with Love! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! "YEAH!" Blonde follows a snap mare with a DOUBLE STOMP that's proceed by a MIDDLE ROPE FIST DROP that would make Marty Jannetty proud. ONE... TWO... NO! Jock makes another save. Blonde whips Baron into the corner and lets Faqu have some fun with him while he taunts Jock. A tag is made and Faqu drops the big leg down on Baron after a suplex from his partner. Rather than go for the cover the Samoan Wrecking Ball GNAWS ON THE FOREHEAD OF BARON WINDELS!! COACH I guess somebody's hungry for Texas barbecue. 1... 2... 3... 4... And Faqu breaks before the count of 5. Faqu rams Baron into the buckle back-first and then whips him to the far corner, crashing all his weight into him with a body splash! As Baron begins to crumble to the mat Faqu drapes him across his shoulder blades and falls straight back to deliver a SAMOAN DROP! ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! "YEAH!" COACH Why won't he stand down? COLE Because he has the heart of a champion, that's why! "BARON!" "BARON!" "BARON!" Feeling the tide might be turning James Blonde instructs Faqu to "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" And the Samoan Wrecking Ball looks to do just that with his devastating double underhook piledriver... but Baron counters with a double leg takedown into a slingshot and FAQU SMACKS HIS FACE INTO THE RINGPOST!!! "YEAH!" COACH DAYUM~! COLE What a break for the Gunslingers. Now can they capitalize? Faqu wanders around in a daze, prompting James Blonde to reach over the top rope and tag himself in to prevent Baron from making the tag...but he's too late! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Texas Twister touches down and levels everything in its path, namely James Blonde with a DISCUS PUNCH! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! An Irish whip leads to a baaaaack body drop. Upon returning to his feet Blonde walks into a CLAW HOLD! COLE Nerdvana! Megan climbs on the apron to distract the referee but is jerked down by Melody. After some pushing and shoving a full scale CAT FIGHT ensues! "YEAH!" On the verge of submitting James Blonde is bailed out by Faqu, who slams Jock with a high angle back suplex. Blonde shakes off the cobwebs as Faqu puts the boots to Mulligan, but from seemingly out of nowhere comes Baron Windels with a FLYING LARIAT that knocks the Samoan Wrecking Ball off his feet! COACH We got all hell breaking loose, Cole. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd voices their displeasure as LANDON MADDIX rushes to Megan's aid, yanking Melody off. Baron sees this and confronts the former World Champion. COLE Landon Maddix has absolutely no business out here. Look at the distraction his presence alone has already caused. COACH He's only protecting Megan, who Melody began attacking out of sheer jealously. Referee Earl Hebner's attention becomes diverted as Windels stalks Maddix ringside. Landon stops near the ringpost and places Megan in front of him to keep Baron at bay. COLE Oh, come on. Hiding behind a woman. This is a former World Champion we're talking about here. Believing he's got Maddix cornered Baron lets his guard down and Faqu makes him pay by splashing him into the steel! "OH!" Referee Earl Hebner immediately signals for help from the back as Baron's become a bloody mess. Help arrives in the form of more OAOAST officials as Earl and Melody tend to the injured Gunslinger. More importantly, however, Landon Maddix slips a pair of BRASS KNUCKLES to James Blonde, which goes unnoticed to Jock Mulligan who's been playing to the crowd. Needless to say, when Jock goes to pick James up he's popped in the face! COLE Oh, no. No! What a travesty it would be should the Lone Star Gunslingers lose the gold like this. Maddix flees the scene of the crime along with Megan as the cover is made. ONE... TWO... THREE! * DINGDINGDING * :o BUFFER The winners of the match and NNNNNNNNNEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... No, wait! Referee Nick Patrick comes in and strips Blonde and Faqu of the titles, waving off the pin. COACH What's this? Patrick confers with the assigned official, apparently informing him of the brass knuckles used by James Blonde. Upon hearing the news Earl Hebner returns the belts to Jock and raises his hand! COACH No way! Earl lets Buffer in on his decision and the following announced is made: BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. I have just been informed by the referee that due to the use of an illegal foreign object he has reversed the original decision. Therefore, the winners of the match and STILL One & Only World tag team champions, Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels.. THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" FAQU The Samoan Wrecking Ball goes ballistic, knocking out one of the officials (who shall remain nameless as to not screw up with the rest of the matches on the show!) with a thrust kick. COLE That's UNCALLED for! Blonde tries for a second to calm Faqu down, before realising just what the heck he's doing. He does manage to direct him away from the referees though, as he and Faqu do a number on the Gunslingers while Melody can only watch on helplessly! A BIG splash flattens Jock... and on Blonde's say so, flattens Baron too as he tries to crawl over and cover-up his tag team partner! Both Gunslingers are left laying now, Faqu still storming around while Blonde wipes the hair from his face and spits to the ground. Stalking over the bodies of Jock and Baron, a glint suddenly catches Faqu's eye and he reaches down, picking up one of the Tag Team Title belts and placing it in his mouth. Blonde looks surprised for a second but, realising that Faqu isn't about to put the belt down, he figures 'when in Rome' and grabs the other belt for himself. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH This may be the greatest thing I've ever seen, Cole. COLE It's disgusting, that's what it is. OAOAST officials rush out to aid the beaten champions. All Melody can do is shake her head at the carnage left behind. COMMERCIAL

COLE So, with the completion of both our Anderson Cup matches the brackets break down like this, D*LUX will go up against the first ever one and only world tag team champions, Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker, and The Christ Air Express are facing Jamie O'Hara and Nathaniel Black in the second round. To be decided next week will be the much maligned Wrecking Crew against the equally maligned but more well-liked Love Doctors. Also, Team Heyross a tough team in their own right, goes up against the supersized team of Jumbo and Deuce. Now, Folks, if you look up towards the ceiling you can see Krista Isadora Duncan lounging in a skybox with three girls from The Look Of Love reality show. How did those girls get to hang with Krista and ger such cushy digs here in the arena? Well, you're about to find out as we show you scenes from third episode of Look Of Love which will air in its entirety this Sunday on VH1! PRESENTS ~THE LOOK OF LOVE~ Starring: Krista Isadora Duncan Terry Taylor AND THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN CORI VIRGINA MONTANA NERDLY TORI CLAUDETTE MADISON NERDLY MINDY NERDLY SHYANNE WALLACE MARIANNE NERDLY and TONY TOURETTES The third edition of the show opens with Krista, clad in a white polo shirt and destroyed jeans, sitting at the counter in her kitchen in her Beverly Hills' home with Terry Taylor and Jade Rodez. KRISTA Look what's showed up at my doorstep! The Look Of Love and it didn't even come in a basket with a note that said please take care of my baby love Lucifer. Surprise, surprise, we're still on the air. But when your main competition is SpongeBob, and reruns of Bam Margera inserting a Hot Wheels drag racer into his rectum and parlaying that into three reality shows and two blockbuster hit movies, I guess we might as well be in the running for a Peabody. So here to help chronicle the mystery of who can whore their dignity out to VH1 the skankiest, myself or Scott Baio are Jade Rodez and Terry Taylor. JADE Its great to be here! Isn't it Terry? TAYLOR Why do I have to wear this costume? Its degrading to my stature and it's an eternal atomic wedgie! Its like highschool, without the inappropriate touching by Earl the one eyed janitor in the boiler room. KRISTA You ingrate! How dare you complain! When I found you were boxing donkeys for pesos! TAYLOR You pulled me out of business school, you tipsy witch! KRISTA Oh, Terry, you have no sense of humor! You didn't laugh at all when I set that m80 off when you were on the toilet. Or how about the time I launched a bombardment of Molotov Cocktails into your grandfather's retirement ceremony. Or when I paid off the programming director at KCAL to interrupt their regularly scheduled programming with late breaking footage of your prostate exam. Oh, honey, where have those magical times gone? TAYLOR That was two hours ago. Two hours ago! KRISTA Ah, that's right. Jade, fill America in on this week's shindig, Auntie Krista's gonna go get a shot of Jack. JADE Its nine in the morning! KRISTA Oh, honey, that's right. Where is my tact? Where is my etiquette? Better get the tequila! Good thinking, honey. Krista retreats to the 'fridge, leaving her protege to stumble through an introduction. JADE Last week, Krista took time out to connect with all the girls, and the one very creepy guy. And it turned out that one very creepy guy is insanely, insanely creepy and I hope I don't have to meet him, because I'm only in week two of my women's self defense class. And if he doesn't come at me with the Limited Edition black and silver thirty one inch DeMarini Voodoo basbeall bat we've used in practice, I'm in deep dog doo-doo. Now The other girls, especially Madison... KRISTA Ah, Madison. She knows how to make a woman feel like a girl, and that girl feel like a slut and that slut feel like Sienna Miller. JADE Like I said the other girls, except for the eliminated Cori, got on pretty great with Krista. TAYLOR Which is surprising because you're not the uh, warmest woman on the planet. JADE Yeah, when its burning hot outside people call you just so they can get the cold shoulder. And when it comes to love and dating? I was watching a Discovery documentary on redback spiders, they eat their mates, and they'd still make a better dinner and a movie then you would! KRISTA Babydoll, there's a fake laugh with your name written all over it, and a swift kick to that cottage cheese factory you call an ass. Look, I know I'm not People magaizne's queen of nice, but I'm no Coretta Scott King. Think about how hard it would be to date her! One because she's dead and for everyone besides you Terry that would be gross, but two how can you compare to her ex? He has a holiday named after him! If you don't live in the projects on a street named after him you atleast go down there to score dope. Your kids probably go to a school named after him. You can't ever tell that woman you're tired. “Baby, I need you to go to store and get me some donuts” “Not now, I'm tired.” “My husband walked all the way to Montgomery and he wasn't tired.” You can't ever tell her about your hopes and fantasies. Don't ever say you got a dream. Think about it. Honey, it's my dream to be night manager at burger king. Not the same as honey it's my dream to unite all races. JADE Fine, you're not as hard to date as the dead wife of one of our nation's greatest leaders. Back to the show. This week, three very lucky ladies of the Look of Love are getting an opportunity to travel to Halifax, Nova Scotia for their first exposure to the wild world of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! KRISTA Before they can see something sacred to me like the OAOAST sorry, even we classically trained actresses have a tough time keeping a straight face when saying something so absurd. Sacred? Yeah right, about after my Yorkie's stool sample I had to collect for the vet. At least I can flush that, the OAOAST is the trick that never stops whorring its disease ridden maggot haven to unsuspecting marks across the land. But, as I was saying before, in order to get the, try not to laugh, privilege of attending an event barred from ten different UN member countries for being cruel and unusual punishment, they have to open up their heart to me and show me something sacred. And no, unfortunately, heart is not lesbo code for legs. Heart is hetero code for boring shit I don't really care about. And, yes, I realize this makes no sense. I'm not the dumbass who writes this show, I'm just the dumbass collecting the profits on the three million dollar price tag my agent put on my self respect. God bless America! JADE Krista, be nice. I think this a great way for you to get closer to finding yourself the perfect girlfriend. TAYLOR How about we take a look at the three winning girls? KRISTA Those of you who are lucky will die in your sleep! CUT to Montana sitting inside a vacant television studio, which features nothing more then a single baby grand piano. Krista enters from the left side of the room, holding several shopping bags, and looking quite satisfied with her day of blowing through thousands of dollars on things she'll never even open. KRISTA I can't believe I bought a Justin Timberlake album. Give me a ticket back to lesboville, its a little to comfortable here in penisheights. MONTANA Its nice to see you smile. KRISTA Its nice to see any attribute that betrays the fact that I'm Satan's last remaining female heir. So, Montana, what do you got on tap for me today? MONTANA Um, first, I just gotta thank you for coming down to the studio. KRISTA No need to thank me. Its sort of boring being at home with sixteen servants, most of whom don't even jump anymore when I shoot at their feet. Montana motions Krista over to the piano. MONTANA This big ol hog right here is the baby grand piano from Grandma Nerdly's house. I really treasure the piano because whenever there was a time my family fought and grew apart, the piano always brought us back together. KRISTA My family had a time where we fought and grew apart. We called it every day since I was three years old. Wait, you're not one of those super dorks that jump up on stage at the House Blues and starts belting out the Motown are you? MONTANA (snickering) House of Blues? They oughta call it the house of lame white motherfuckers. KRISTA & MONTANA Inauthentic, single digit, low frequency, lame ass white motherfuckers. KRISTA Especially these male movie stars that think they're blues artists. You ever see these guys before? Don't you just wanna puke your Jamba Juice energizer smoothie right into your protein berry workout whey when one of these fat balding overweight, out of shape, pricks jumps on stage and starts blowing into a harmonica like its Alvin and the Chimpmunks. Its a sacrilege, like the manger scene without the baby jesus, or Sunday breakfast without some bomb ass weed and a phat ass jack. Its a disgrace to this country that's what is! You're a white man, you have no business playing the blues, what the hell do you have to be blue about? Banna Republic ran out of khaki? MONTANA The girl at Starbucks forgot to put the cinnamon dolce in your skinny latte? The little black man on TV forgot to do a goofy dance in the endzone, so you had nothing to call into talk radio about and make your bi-weekly thinly veiled racist rant, behind the safety of millions of electromagnetic waves. White men need to understand their job is to give people the blues, not to sing them. KRISTA Amen! And who are these assholes tying to dance like blacks? Stick to your stupid polkas and waltz, and that repulsive country line dancing shit. Be proud, be white, be lame, be whatever you want just get the fuck off the dance floor. These are the same people who use the term “Happens to be..”, happens to be black, happens to be Asian, happens to be gay. Like its some kind of accident. “He had two black parents.” “Oh, yes, and in this day age. How dreadful.” “And they had sex” “Oh, god, not in this country.” Where's the surprise? I think the bigger shock would be if he happened to be Japanese. I got a friend who happens to have cancer, I got a friend who happens to be paralyzed from the waist down, I have a friend who happens to be black. MONTANA Oh that poor child, how does he survive knowing he'll never have any use for spray on tans! Krista and Montana share a hearty laugh over their mocking of those who make up the majority of this show's viewership. KRISTA Alright, the piano, what's up with this thing? Are you gonna make me skip going to the gym, to work on our Elton John Kiki Dee number? MONTANA No, its nothing stupid like that. KRISTA You won't make me learn the maccato will you? Because it is a pain in the ol gorgeous gazongas to get three little maids from school are we out of your head. MONTANA Well, no. We could do something more fun. We could invite all your friends over, serve a little wine and have an old fashioned piano party. KRISTA What's an old fashioned piano party? MONTANA Its like an old fashioned bore, except it has piano and party in it. Tell ya what, you give me an hour of piano time a day, and I will make that sixty minutes of pure unadulterated Captain and Tennille. KRISTA Can I be Captain? MONTANA No big deal. You can be whomever you like, my sweet. KRISTA Chaka Khan you found my G-spot! CUT to Krista, Jade, Terry in the confessional room. Krista's heart (among other things) is still burning with passion for Montana's presentation. KRISTA I kind of like her, and I don't typically date someone white after labor day TAYLOR Krista, your dating rules are stupid! JADE Except maybe the one about waiting an hour after you eat to go out with a life guard. TAYLOR That's just common sense. CUT to Madison sitting cross legged on the couch in Krista's living room. With a giant manuscript on her lap, she waits patiently and pleasantly, shielding how eager she is to see Krista. All her wishing is soon granted when the annoyed Miss California storms into the room, beating a cellphone against her fist in pure anger. KRISTA Ugh. God! Madison leaps from the couch, making sure to greet Krista with the utmost tranquility and compassion. MADISON Um, is something the matter? We can maybe reschedule the shooting if you're having a problem? KRISTA No, no, sweetie, you don't worry about anything, okay. Its just my giant bag of douche and anti trust lawsuits accountant. He's upset because I went out got myself a new hat. MADISON He's mad because you bought a hat? What an AFC! Average Frustrated Chump. KRISTA I know, right. Lay off the TJB! Typical Jew Bheavoir. Well, the hat is sort of in South Africa right now. And its not really a hat per se so much as it is half of Johannesburg. I was at the gym earlier, and Mischa Barton said she just went out and got Interpol. Not wanting to lose the international arms race, I immediately bought twenty blocks of the South African Capital. Who knew she was talking about Interpol the grossly overhyped indy rock band and not the international security force? I digress. Show me something good, honey bunches of oats. MADISON (picking up her manuscript) Right. Well, I don't profess to be Danielle Steele, or even James Caan from Misery, but I have been known to lay pen to paper and get my Anne Rice on like reading and writing are going out of style! Which they are. Which I guess makes me sort of a nerd, hence the very unfortunate last name. I guess what's always motivated me is this kind of overwhelming desire to channel my feelings into something tangible. Really, a lot of my post powerful pieces were crafted after I plunged downward, deeply, into a crushing and twisted place that I couldn't even wish upon my worst enemy. Slipping into darkness and despair, into fear and self-loathing is something that we have all done - those of us with any real emotional depth anyway. Writing is how I keep my sanity. How I avoid falling prey to demons that can obliterate the greatest of us in the space of a day. KRISTA Uh-huh, yeah, unload the pistol emosabe, I ain't sharing my five hundred dollar per hour sessions with celeb super therapist Dr.Drew for no body! So you can really write? Like forming a grammatical unit of one or more words, bearing minimal syntactic relation to the words that precede or follow it, often preceded and followed in speech by pauses? I had assumed signs of intelligence were often frowned on by the suits at VH1! Example; the upcoming premier of the third season of Flava of Love. MADISON You know I'm an accomplished romance novelist. As a matter of fact I penned no less then six short novels before I was eight. Each one received literary honors from no less an esteemed critic then my nana. KRISTA My, my. How impressively quaint. But, I fell I must inform you that my own last little creative outburst was a deemed a rollercoaster ride of raw hellish emotions! MADISON By who? KRISTA No less an esteemed authority then the out patient treatment team at the suicide ward! MADISON Then you know precisely what head space the very essence of my material is born from. So, after my last breakup, I rewrote my relationship into the way it should've been. I turned my pain into my art. Swelling with pride, Madison holds her thick manuscript in front of Krista's face. KRISTA A “Lesson In Soul” MADISON Would you like a private reading? KRISTA You can read?! MADISON As well as the average American! KRISTA So you can make out the little letters and numbers in Maxim representing Jessica Alba's bra size? Hey, as long you can make out the important things in this world! Madison clears her throat, allowing her to lower her voice into a smoother more enchanting tone of seduction. Krista lies across the couch, devoting the full extent of her attention to Madison's piece. MADISON There was a delicious air excitement, perhaps a wickedness, hovering above our debauched, wonderful actions behind locked doors the of a prestigious college. As the hurried pitter patter of uptight teachers and foolishly pretentious students could be plainly danced around the other side of the door, our lips and tongues continued a wondrous assault on each other in a frenzied passion that had me wet within minutes. KRISTA Minutes? Honey, we're only on the first paragraph and my Vickie's Secrets all ready feel like they've been through monsoon season! MADISON Then Kasey pulled me towards the edge of her desk. The mood was halted with the sudden alarm that I'd slide right off. So tender and empathetic, Kasey could immediately sense my concern. "Its okay baby, trust me." She whispered in my ear between kisses that left me reveling in their steamy linger. Those words seemed to eliminate any fear I had of sliding off the desk onto the floor and I surrendered fully to my lover. Once I was pulled towards the edge of her desk I finally understood her plan. She unfastened her skirt and allowed it to fall freely to the floor and the sight I was now enjoying was simply breathtaking. As she now stood before me naked from the waist down, it was clear that she too made the decision that panties would be optional today and I couldn't have been more delighted. Then we began to rub and grind our naked bodies against each other, as we continued kissing in a way I only used to read about in romance novels. I couldn't tell where Kasey was on the road to paradise, but I suspected that it was probably a very short road and she was probably very close, as I was. Between the kissing and feeling our bodies gyrating closely together I knew if there was ever any doubt about my sexual orientation Unable to believe what she just heard, Krista sits up in her couch, mouth held agape from the power of Madison's prose. KRISTA I believe it was the late Julia Child who said Jesus Christ on Gorgonzola Lemon Rice was that hot! Oh, boy, of all the days for my maid to mistake my Ivibe pocket vibrator for her retractable feather duster. At least now I know why she's been walking so funny lately. Hey, Madison, how'd you like continue your reading at some place a little more comfortable? Like the library. MADISON Sure, where's that? KRISTA (smiling seductively) Oh, well, you turn right onto Wilshire, make a left onto South Virgil, then a right onto Fountain, another right onto Sunset, and you should find it right underneath my skirt. CUT away from the good stuff to Krista, Jade, and Terry in the confessional room. KRISTA Her words were rockin my world, and my thong. I'm addicted to those stories, and I don't have an addictive personality. JADE Not going to touch that one. People, you haven't seen anything yet, because Madison melted Krista's heart, and panties, when she's supposed to be melting away people's fat at her gym. FIT WITH KID-Headquarters-Gym-West Hollywood Inside the four story mecca of fitness are thousands of state of the art, cutting edge exercise workout machines. Each piece of expensive equipment lies near flat screen televisions of various sizes, some mounted on the ceiling, some mounted on the wall, some are the actual wall. Loud dance music blares in the background as beefy bodybuilding male fitness instructors, or fit and toned female fitness instructors push their ritzy clientèle through a rigorous workout. The hugely popular gym is filled with people who look like they were ripped out an Abercrombie catalog or right off a fashion show runaway, but our focus is on the owner Krista Isadora Duncan, and the woman she's currently training Katie Holmes of the soon to be released Mad Money. Katie's hard at work on a leg extension machine, but her highly paid personal trainer is totally engrossed in Madison's book. KATIE Did you happen read the Times review for Mad Money? That tightass Jessica Rivers never gives anything without Jake Gyllenhaal and an overly convoluted plot anything above two stars. KRISTA (reading off the pages) She shuddered from the God like power of third orgasm and screamed out, I am reborn! KATIE Its about time these pseudo-intellectual stick in the muds got the essential value behind the simple comedy. I know this goes beyond my gym membership fee, but do you mind if I ask you a personal question? KRISTA (speaking to the book) Ooh, baby, yeah, give it to me like the nasty little girl I am. KATIE Well, Tom and I bought this sitar, the one that Brian Jones used in Paint It Black actually. And for a while it was going great, but then in the middle of our rendition of Row, row, row, your boat he just got up and left. Cut it completely short. I thought that was a little rude. KRISTA (speaking to the book) Ooooooh! Good god, that is one filthy whore. KATIE That's a little more then I'd think. But, he said he has a religion to lead and he didn't have time to be bogged down by my insignificant whims and fancies. KRISTA (speaking to the book) You naughty girl, you stick out your tongue out and you get right in there! Right in there! KATIE I will! He doesn't understand how important this sitar is to our family. KRISTA (speaking to the book) That's it baby, you lay your lover down and you just go down on them! KATIE If you're going to bring something into your life, you have to invest some time into it. Right? KRISTA (speaking to the book) That's the way I like it, honey! Whoo-hoo! You spank that ass good, baby. You spank that ass all you want. KATIE I think I'll just stick to a stern but calm and open conversation. KRISTA (shouting into the book) Mmmm yeah, spank that ass! KATIE I really think I ought to keep things cool and levelheaded with nice fair dialog. KRISTA (speaking to the book) Oh, baby, mommy says spank that ass! It deserves to be smacked! Hard! KATIE That's not really my style. KRISTA (speaking to the book) Spank that sweet sweet ass, you dirty bitch! KATIE Okay, alright, I'll spank him. I will spank him just like you told me to! I'm not going to let him just walk away from this. I'm going to protect what's important in my life. What do you think? KRISTA(speaking to the book or orgasming to the book if you will) That's it, baby! Uh-huh, yeah. That's good! Oh god yes! Oh I love it, baby! You don't know much I love it. Give it to me! Yes! Right there! Ahhhhh! Ah! Ah! Ooooh! That feels so good! Yes! Oh! Oh! Oooh ohh yeah! Yes! Having apparently completed her....ahem....moment with Madison's story, a sweaty, disheveled, but throughly pleasured Krista reclines against the Leg Press machine and lights a cigarette. KATIE Ah, that was a wonderful talk. Thanks for all your help, Krista. You're such a great friend. KRISTA (brushing messed hair away from her startled eyes) Oh, Katie, wow, honey! When did you get here? After Katie glances quizzically at Krista we make a CUT to Jade, Terry, and Krista in the confessional room. JADE Care to talk about Claudette? KRISTA A kind spirited lass, with cheer on her mind and love in her heart! JADE Krista? KRISTA I ain't saying shit. Who knows which one of her personalities she's got monitoring this transmission. I'd have to go into a witness relocation program. They might be in some kind of rundown, backwater, hillbilly heaven, enema of American culture. Like San Jose! JADE Or worse. Michigan. KRISTA Oh, Jade, honey I know. My heart bleeds for you daily. JADE As a prank MARV and MEL once forced me to watch my brother from start to finish in a three hour movie titled I Screwed You and Your Great Grandmother, and I couldn't even compare that to how remarkably disturbing Claudette's performance happened to be. CUT TO a small cafe in Culver City. A tiny crowd has gathered for open mic night, pointing their wooden chairs towards a make shift stage at the head of the room. The crowd is your usual group of wine drinking jazz snobs, aside from the beer drinking dance snob, Krista Isadora Duncan who sits in a corner with Terry Taylor. KRISTA I can't believe we're in Culver City. I should've brought along my rifle and safari hat to help tame this uncharted frontier. How much you wanna bet these people still hunt in packs? Onto the stage comes Claudette, attired in a red polo shirt and khaki pants. She gets a customary round of polite applause as she holds a microphone to her lips. CLAUDETTE Welcome everyone to to the opening performance of the one act one woman play, Retail of the Damned, the Claudette Nasreddine story. As many of you may well be aware of, I was recently discharged from my position as In stock team lead from the North Hollywood Target. Before my wrongful termination, I was seen as a rising star in the retail world! A woman who's floor was regional manager, and who's ceiling was the sky. My future was as bright as the cheery smile I gave every customer who walked through our doors. KRISTA Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe? CLAUDETTE Now all I have left is this red shirt and this heavy heart. I blame one man for this, my supervisor Dale Wickard. Tonight, I tell of his death. The lights dim until a single soft white spotlight hangs around Claudette. Sitting on a stool, she holds a microphone in one hand while the other pretends to be driving a car. CLAUDETTE After hours of internal debate, I was finally on the road making my way to the North Hollywood Target. I knew it would be a long way to North Hollywood considering I was driving from West Hollywood so I put on some music to get me pumped for the beating I was about to deliver. I threw in some Eminem. Say what you want about him but he's the perfect rapper to listen to when you're pissed. The song I was listening to was titled "Go to Sleep". In my pissed off mood I was really feeling the song. The chorus spoke to me on levels I never before realized existed. KRISTA Uh-huh, still waiting on news of that lever. "Now go to sleep bitch Die, Motherfucker, die Uh, times up bitch, close your eyes Go to sleep bitch (what!) Why are you still alive? How many times, I gotta say close your eyes!" CLAUDETTE (exiting the stool, creeping along the stage) After about two hours I finally pulled my car into the North Hollywood parking lot. It was night-time once I arrived there and the store was closed. Pitch black, except for a single light in the office in the rear stock area. From the sidewalk you could hear crazed laughs coming out of it. Looking through the window all you could see was a shard of light illuminating the room. Perhaps it was the glow of a television set, or maybe an Ipod. No. It was a computer. Inside the office sat a man in front of this computer. Dale Wickard. My target at Target. Victim. Date of birth March Tenth 1949. Date of Death. Now.. All you could hear was the pecking of a keyboard. *Peck* *Peck *Peck*...More laughter could be heard. Terrible screeching laughter. The laughter of a man about to swallow feces. The floor of the room started to creek as my old manager banged his feet against the wooden floor over and over again like a child. Claudette hunches over like she's on a computer, simulating her boss' actions. CLAUDETTE "I'm Dale Wickard! My judgement is beyond reproach! You're off instock team lead! Oh and you...you didn't respond fast enough when a customer hit the call box, you're fired! HAHAHAHAHA! You?! You're on probation and you're off cash wrap! HAHAHAHA!" Dale screamed this aloud in a crazed voice as he pecked at the keyboard, drool dripping down his mouth. The floor started to creek again. Dale looked down at the floor to see what it was as he didn't move his feet at all. He disregarded it and continued pecking away at the keyboard like a 5 year old child. The intercom rang. He got up from the computer and went to the door to see who it was. Dale ripped open the door but nobody was there. He looked down at the doorstep and noticed a small brown bag sitting there. He picked it up, looked inside and saw some feces inside it. He threw the bag away. "Damn wisenheimer kids! Fuck You!" Walking with a hunched back, Claudette simulates her manager walking back into her house. CALUDETTE (reenacting the death) He then walked back towards his room when all of a sudden a mysterious, dark figure dressed in all black erupted from the floor of the the office! It was me! I grabbed Dale from behind, took out a thin piece of wire and put it around his neck. Times up bitch, close your eyes. I kneed Dale in the back and he stumbled to his knees. KRISTA Oh, hey, do Terry next! It'll be fun! CLAUDETTE (screaming the audience) Who's the team stock lead now? Who? While some audience members seek the nearest exit, Claudette returns to mimicking the murder. CLAUDETTE I then put my arms around Dale's neck and gleefully squeezed until I heard a violent snap. Music to me ears. Sweet magical music. I then took out another long blade and in one quick jab drove it right through his heart. I would replay that beautiful moment every night in my head. I then propped up the dead man's body, picked up the bag of feces and jabbed it right into his mouth. I then grabbed a bucket of gasoline, smothered his body in it. He looked like a glazed donut. Claudette simulates dumping gas on several audience members, none of which seem highly thrilled by the proceedings. CLAUDETTE I took out some matches. I struck a match, threw it onto Dale's decapitated body and disappeared into the night as Dale and the painful memories of the North Hollywood Target burnt to a crisp. The lights raise and Claudette bows graciously while the audience nervously claps, because well, Claudette is very scary. CUT to Krista and Terry backstage with Claudette in her dressing room. By dressing room and backstage I just mean the cramped single stall unisex bathroom. CLAUDETTE (adjusting her makeup in the mirror) What did you think? KRISTA While most common psychopaths, the Dhamers, the Gaceys, the Mansons, would've stopped some point after the idea of writing a one act play based on murdering the manager of your minimum wage hell, you went full speed ahead, ignoring that operators at Bellvue hospital are standing by awaiting your call. For that, I both fear you, revere you, and don't want to be in any room with you where I'm not standing behind forty armed security guards, and a sabre tooth tiger. While I ring up the Los Angeles zoo about the tiger, and the nation of Islam about the security guards, you make the call to your psychiatrist and get some meds because you're going to HeldDOWN with me! CLAUDETTE Honestly? You liked it? Truthfully you liked it? KRISTA If I said I didn't, would you kill me? CLAUDETTE KRISTA Honey, it was better then Cher. And that was just me strapping on roller skates, downing half a quart of rum and singing If I could turn back time on the corner of Melrose and Vine. CUT to Jade, Krista, and Terry inside the confessional room. JADE Fear is a powerful motivator that's for sure! So, Claudette, Madison and Montana all get to join you, Krista, in Halifax to watch HeldDOWN from your own private skybox! Pretty cool I would think? Krista, aren't you just a little excited about this? KRISTA (reading Madison's story) As if programmed, and with the rage and heart of an animal possessed, Kasey drove her face into my crotch and as she did I felt her warm tongue sliding inside me. It was no secret that it was the first time in my life that I had a woman go down on me and I knew from that very moment that I'd never forget it or ever be able to live without it's delightful sensations. I immediately knew that until the day I died it would become a treasured friend in my life journey's. Kasey's arms were wrapped around my ass pulling me tighter towards her face, as she brought me closer to heaven, continuously pleasuring me with her tongue. As the power of my pending orgasm continued to escalate with fantastic gusto and fire, I knew that I was just moments from my release. Krista slams the manuscript down in frustration. KRISTA Damn it, Terry, you tell that maide to gimme back my Ivibe pocket vibrator or she'll be spooning taco's, burritos and chihuahuas, out of a bucket on a dusty soccer field in chimmychangaville! JADE Um, so I guess that does it here on our end. Be sure to catch the full episode including the failed sacred objects and moments like Tony Tourette's fist fight with three rabis, this Sunday on VH-1. And next week on the Look Of Love the girls will be on HeldDOWN for their first taste of in ring action! We'll we see so how many times Biff Atlas can job in one night? Maybe so. For Krista and Terry, I'm Jade, signing off! NEXT WEEK HEY BABY WANNA WRESTLE The girls (and unwanted boy) get in the ring for the first time, and two will go home. NEXT WEEK The Look Of Love Je t'adore, je t'adore... BACK TO THE ARENA Girls, Girls, Girls plays, as the arena lights go out, and the entryway is lit up with pink lights and smoke. The crowd boos as Felix Strutter walks through the smoke cloud, followed by Reggie Lamont. COLE Tag team action here on HeldDOWN, let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 478 pounds...introducing first, from Laguna Beach, California...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREGGIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LLLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNT!!!!! *crowd boos* BUFFER And his partner, from San Diego, California, he is the OAOAST International champion of the WORLD..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXX SSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! COLE And of course, Felix Strutter will have a chance the become the Undisputed World champion coming up at AnglePalooza, as will Colombian Heat, one of his opponents in this tag match! COACH Makes me sick, Cole! COLE And Colombian Heat with great success in unification matches... COACH Don't start. Strutter and Lamont climb into the ring and Strutter poses on the buckles as Master Blaster (Jammin') hits and Denzel Spencer makes his way out, getting a nice reaction from the crowd. BUFFER And their opponents...first, hailing from Montego Bay, Jamaica, weighing in at 227 pounds...DENNNNNZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENNNNNNNCCCCERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Denzel rolls in and poses on the buckles, as the crowd hears the piano melody and goes crazy. The lights go out, then come back on in tune with the music. The voice of DMX is heard. COME ON! Pyro goes off, Gasolina (remix) hits and Colombian Heat makes his way out as the fire burns on each side of the entryway. BUFFER His tag team partner...hailing from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 180 pounds...he is the OAOAST United States champion...COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOMBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! Heat slaps hands with the fans on his way to the ring, then rolls in, hops on the second rope, and gives the Westside signal with both hands. He hops down and gives a high ten to Spencer, then grabs a mic. HEAT If y'all are ready to see these two feel the Heat, then make some noise of in this BI-AAAATCH~!!! *crowd cheers* Heat hands the mic to the announcer, and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Both teams talk strategy briefly, until Spencer and Heat turn their backs, and Lamont attacks Spencer from behind! COLE And Reggie Lamont with a sneak attack on his former tag team partner! Lamont hammers away on Spencer, then backs him into a corner and stomps him down to the mat. He then taunts the crowd, drawing boos, before tagging in Strutter. Spencer rolls out of the corner, and slowly gets to his feet. Strutter backs off, then points at Heat, motioning him into the ring. COLE And Strutter motioning that he wants Heat in the ring! COACH Here we go! Felix is gonna give us a preview of AnglePalooza, right here! Spencer plays to the crowd, then obliges with a tag to Heat, as the crowd goes wild. COLE And here it is! Colombian Heat in the ring! Heat and Strutter circle the ring, then go in to tie up, but Strutter goes to the eyes. He then waits for Heat to turn back around, and throws a right hand...which is blocked by Heat! Strutter then tries a left, which is also blocked! Strutter finally tries a kick, which a caught by Heat! COLE Heat blocking all those attempts from Strutter! Strutter begs off, but Heat spins him around, and delivers an atomic drop! Strutter staggers over to the corner, where Spencer nails him with a right hand! Strutter falls back over to Heat, where he catches another! COLE And a little pinball action here! Spencer with another right, then Heat with one last big right, knocking Strutter to the mat! Heat plays to the crowd, which cheers him on. He tags Spencer back in, and the two whip Strutter into the ropes, then catch him with a double elbow! They follow that with a double elbowdrop, then Spencer covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Spencer picks up Strutter, and rams him into the buckle as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Spencer picks up Strutter then tags in Heat, who takes Strutter right back into the corner and does it again! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Heat then calls for Spencer's foot, and he gives it to him, then Heat rams Strutter's head into it, then tags Spencer back in. Heat holds as Spencer goes up top, and hits him with a double axhandle! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Spencer picks up Strutter, then executes a snapmare, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Spencer tags in Heat, and the two whip Strutter across, then catch him with a double dropkick! Heat covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And only one tag so far between Strutter and Lamont, meanwhile, Heat and Spencer showing great continuity! Heat picks up Strutter, and delivers a bodyslam! He then backs into the ropes, but Lamont catches him with a knee to the back! COLE But a cheap shot from the outside, and the tide may have turned right there! COACH Yeah, don't get cocky, Cole! Watch this continuity! Strutter slowly gets to his feet and tags in Lamont. Lamont stomps away on Heat, then steps on the bottom rope, choking Heat with it. COLE And now Reggie Lamont choking Colombian Heat with the bottom rope! Lamont breaks at the four-count, then picks him up and gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Lamont picks up Heat, and locks him in a bearhug! COLE And a big bearhug from Reggie Lamont! Will Heat submit? COACH Those are some strong arms around Heat's body! He's going to have to! Heat fights it, but slowly fades. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Heat holds through on the third lift! He takes his arms, and slams them against the sides of Reggie's head! And again! And a third time, breaking the hold! He backs into the ropes, and charges, but Lamont catches him again! This time, he tags Strutter in, and Strutter backs into the ropes, and delivers a big right to the kidneys of Heat! COLE Heat in big trouble here, he's got to find some way to make a tag! Strutter whips Heat into the ropes, and catches him with a sleeper! COLE And another submission hold! Strutter pulls Heat out into mid-ring, and Heat fades down to the mat. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...NO! Heat holds through again! He delivers an elbow to the midsection, then another, then a third, escaping the hold! He runs to the ropes, ducks a clothesline...then he and Strutter clothesline each other! COLE And both men out of it! Two-thirds of the undisputed championship puzzle, down on the canvas! Both men struggle to their corners, then Strutter changes his mind, and tries to stop Heat, but is too late as Spencer gets the tag! COLE Tag made, and Denzel Spencer in there! Spencer unloads on Strutter, then whips him hard into the corner, and catches him with an elbow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Spencer whips Strutter into the ropes, and catches him with a backdrop! He then heads to the top rope...and catches him with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Strutter gets the shoulder up! COLE SO close for Denzel Spencer! Spencer whips Strutter into the corner, and charges...but Strutter moves out of the way! COLE Nobody home! Strutter staggers back over to Spencer. COACH Felix really needs to tag here, he's taken a lot of punishment! Strutter delivers a series of rights, then whips Spencer into the ropes. Spencer ducks a spinkick, then catches him with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter catches Spencer with a quick clothesline, then tags in Lamont. COLE And now it's the former partners back in there again! Lamont picks up Spencer, and delivers a URINAGE~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Lamont whips Spencer into a corner, then charges...but Spencer gets the foot up! Lamont staggers back, then Spencer comes out with an axe kick, taking Lamont down! He crawls to his corner, but Lamont hooks the leg, then manages a tag to Strutter. Strutter jumps in and drops an elbow to the back on Spencer. Strutter picks up Spencer, and delivers a DDT! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Strutter picks up Spencer, and executes a snap suplex! He then goes to the top... COACH Could be that Shooting Star legdrop, Cole! Strutter gets his balance, and attempts the SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP~!!!!!11111...but Spencer rolls out of the way! COLE Nobody home! Spencer struggles to his corner, and tags Heat! COLE And Colombian Heat in the ring! Heat unleashes a flurry on Strutter, then whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a flying forearm! He then picks him up, and delivers THE BONG HIT~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Heat whips Strutter into the ropes, but puts his head down, and gets a kick to the face. Strutter then attempts a clothesline, but Heat ducks...and drills him with the PELE KICK~! COLE The Pele kick! Is this it? 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! COACH Oh, geez! Come on, Felix! Lamont climbs into the ring, and gets caught by Spencer, who delivers a foot to the gut, followed by a scissor kick! Lamont rolls out of the ring, and Spencer follows him with a TOPE CON HILO~! COLE Spencer FLIES onto his former partner! As the referee checks on Spencer and Lamont, Strutter hits Heat with a low blow from behind! He then sets up the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COACH Oh, yes! Here it comes! But Heat spins out, and behind the back, then lifts Strutter up... COLE But no! ...and plants him with the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!11111 COLE The Colombian Necktie! Heat covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH NO! COLE Heat gets the fall on Strutter for his team! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...the team of DENZEL SPENCER and COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOMBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! COACH I can't believe this! Heat and Spencer back up the aisle, as Strutter is just recovering, and looks on angrily. COLE Colombian Heat with a huge statement headed into AnglePalooza!

And now, THE OAOAST SPINEBUSTAAAAAHHH~~! OF THE WEEK! Courtesy: OAOAST HeldDOWN~! SCHIAVONE Alright fans, you just saw a reminder from a couple of weeks ago about what went down, Nathaniel Black backing himself into a corner with our president AngleSault. He demanded opportunity. Well, he got one, but in the form of a place in the Anderson Cup with the man he put on the injury list Jamie O'Hara. And you heard the topper to that, AngleSault saying that if the two could not co-exist then Black would find himself suspended once again. Jesse "The Body" here with me, Jesse, your thoughts? VENTURA Well, I gotta say I don't really understand it. It seems a little vindictive to me. SCHIAVONE It seems to me that AngleSault is just trying to end this long standing issue between Black and O'Hara, once and for all. VENTURA By forcing them to team together? SCHIAVONE Well, if that's what it takes. If the issue is a clash of styles or a clash or personalities then perhaps the best course is to team them up and force them to find a common ground. VENTURA We'll see I guess. .:CUE: "Chelsea Dagger", The Fratellis:. The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro to the song, boos ringing out the moment Nathaniel Black steps out onto the stage. Black raises his arms in the air with a sour look on his face before marching to the ring. BUFFER This contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall! Introducing, team number one. The number eight seeds in the Los Infernales Conference... first, from London, England. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty eight pounds... NNAAAAATHHAAAANNIIIEEEEELLLLLL... BBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black slides partway under the bottom rope so he's facing into the crowd, staring out at them with contempt for a few seconds until he bridges up to his feet. SCHIAVONE Black competed in the 2006 Anderson Cup, as a part of "Glory By Anarchy". Look that one up under 'where are they now', folks. "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" With another lookg of contempt Black turns to the entrance way, as "Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal pumps through the arena. The fans come alive as Jamie O'Hara strides out for the first time in who knows how long, swaggering down the aisle and already mouthing off to his 'partner'. BUFFER And, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara enters the ring via a springboard, hardly endearing himself to his technically sound partner. It doesn't take long for tensions to spill over as O'Hara and Black suddenly square off, exchanging just words for now, mainly thanks to referee Mike Chioda stepping in between them. VENTURA Uh-oh. They gotta be careful here, unless they wanna get suspended. SCHIAVONE I'm sure they don't. Especially not Jamie. He only returned to action at the start of the month in the battle royal at New Year's Spectacular, before just this past week on Syndicated getting his first win back over Vinny Valentine. As the two unwilling partners continue to mouth off in the ring, pink and yellow lights begin to flood the stage. Geri Halliwell's version of "It's Raining Men", a song that no straight man could love (not even the two fellow Englishmen in the ring) begins to play, bringing out, unsurprisingly, no straight men! The masked pink luchadors, Los Diablos De Fuego, bound out and share a raunchy dance on the stage before making their flamboyant way to ringside. Mariachi makes a quick detour, shaking what Dios gave him in front of a couple of clearly uncomfortable young men. BUFFER And, their opponents! At a total combined weight of three hundred and fourty pounds... they are the number one seeds in the Los Infernales Conference. From sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexiest team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE The surprise package of last year's Anderson Cup, last year's losing finalists, Los Diablos De Fuego from Cabo San Lucas in Mexico. And by virtue of their conference winning performance last year, they are seeded number one in the Los Infernales Conference in 2008. VENTURA And you see the importance of the seedings right here in full effect. We've seen a couple of really tight 4 v 5 pairings in this year's competition, one of which the only match so far to go against the seeding. Los Diablos, as number one seeds, getting on paper the best draw possible against the Anderson Cup's black sheep team. SCHIAVONE And speaking of sheep, Los Diablos bringing their lucky mascot El Ovéja with them tonight! Right on cue, the camera zooms in on the inflatable sheep doll in Moracca's hand. VENTURA That is wrong on so many levels. Los Diablos climb the turnbuckles, the same turnbuckles that is, to salute the crowd. Moracca at the front reaches back and kisses Mariachi on the cheek of his mask before they jump down and proceed to dance again. This the only thing to unite Black and O'Hara so far, the two warring Brits ending their arguement as they stare at their opponents. Noticeably disgusted, Black quickly elects himself to start the match. And sure enough, the arguement starts right back up. VENTURA Looks like we've got a problem deciding who's gonna start out. Tag team wrestling is so much about trust and I don't think either of these guys trusts the other to do what they want them to. A recipe for disaster. In their corner, Moracca and Mariachi share a good luck kiss. O'Hara and Black most certainly do not. But there is some progress, as one way or the other it's settled that Black will get to start the match. *DINGDINGDING!* That decision seems to go down well with Mariachi, pantomiming to Moracca that Black is much 'chunkier' than his partner is. Both Black and O'Hara manage to take offence to that as the referee tells them to lock it up. Black loosens up his wrists and prepares to do just that, but comes to a halt when Mariachi literally skips out of his corner. SCHIAVONE I don't think Black knows quite what to make of Los Diablos. Not something you encounter in London, England every day. VENTURA Depends what part of London you're in. Black puts the flamboyance of his opponent aside and finally locks up, twisting out on the arm and going behind Mariachi with a waistlock. Put together the words 'going behind' and 'Mariachi' and you probably get where I'm going with this. Suffice is to say, Mariachi considers himself to be getting the best out of this situation, Black releasing the waistlock and pushing Mariachi away in horror. MORACCA HO - MIES! "HO - MIES!" "HO - MIES!" "HO - MIES!" "HO - MIES!" As Nathaniel tries to get the referee to make Mariachi 'fight fair', the Mexican issues a come and get me to Black by wiggling his shiny pink tush at him. Black responds to that by clubbing him in the back however. A European uppercut rocks Mariachi up against the ropes, setting him up for an irish whip. As Black sets himself though, Mariachi goes low with a baseball slide. Evading that, Black tries to drop an elbow, only for Mariachi to slither out of the way and cause the Brit to hit nothing but canvas. An arm wringer awaits Black as he gets back up, but going to submissions doesn't work out well for La Diablo, Black able to slink his free arm between Mariachi's, break the hold and apply a 3/4 headlock before the luchador can barely blink! BLACK YEH! WHADDAYA THINK OF YOUR 'OMIE NAH!? The fans boo, their spirits lifted seconds later as Black loses concentration and allows Mariachi to front flip and escape the cravate. Hitting the ropes, Mariachi then throws himself at Black with a headscissors takeover! SCHIAVONE Black has been very vocal about hating his tag partner's style of wrestling, I wonder how he feels about lucha libre? VENTURA I'd guess not great. Back up, Black throws a forearm at the zipping Mariachi, the luchador running underneath and coming back off the ropes with a crossbody block. Black manages to catch Mariachi in his arms. But his attempt to throw him up in the air backfires, when Mariachi hangs onto the arm and pulls him over with an armdrag variation. *SMOOCH!* 'Tag' is made between Los Diablos, Moracca heading straight for the top and springing at Black with a Flying Crossbody! SCHIAVONE Couldn't hold him that time! 1... 2... No! Black quickly shuts down Moracca with a knee to the gut, then strikes him across the back with a forearm. Sick of dealing with flippy luchadors, Black then turns around and petulantly throws Moracca out of the ring. Not quite as he'd intended though. Moracca manages to duck his head and flip himself safely over the top and onto the apron, waiting for Black to turn around before springboarding to the top. Catching the pink figure out of the corner of his eye Black instinctively ducks, only for Moracca to pull him down with a Springboard Sunset Flip... 1... 2... No! SCHIAVONE Great speed and agility shown right there. Los Diablos, don't judge the books entirely by the covers ladies and gentlemen. With a front facelock, Moracca manages to get back into his corner and tag Mariachi. With Moracca penned into the corner Black hits him with some kidney shots, unaware of the tag or that Mariachi is waiting behind him with a firm ASS-SLAP! VENTURA Oh! Black, like any right-minded male would, snaps upright in shock... INTO A KISS FROM MORACCA! VENTURA Ugh! Schoolboy by Mariachi... 1... 2... Kickout! Despite himself, Jamie O'Hara seems to be quite enjoying this as the flustered Black swings wildly at the first sight of Mariachi. Ducking the line, Mariachi boots him in the gut and launches onto the shoulders for a Victory Roll... ...and goes nowhere! VENTURA Oh, he's caught now! With Mariachi on his shoulder Black walks around trying to get his balance. In the process he walks towards his corner, allowing O'Hara to tag himself in. Black turns around and quickly O'Hara launches off the apron, springboarding to the top... ...but Black puts Mariachi back down as soon as he sees this, forcing O'Hara to bail out on the springboard manoeuver! Landing safely on his feet, O'Hara gets in Black's face and asks him what the problem is, leading to another face-to-face arguement between the makeshift partners in mid-match! SCHIAVONE It looked like there was a double-team opportunity for a second, but Nathaniel Black refused it. And now it's getting heated again. VENTURA It's the styles clash again. Black's trying to fight fair, one on one, O'Hara saw an opportunity to bend the rules just a little bit and Black didn't want to take the shortcut. That's the way I see it. Black and O'Hara continue to argue, watched by their opponents. Sneaking up from either side, Moracca and Mariachi get up behind Black and O'Hara... and suddenly bump forward, CAUSING BLACK AND O'HARA TO 'KISS' EACH OTHER!!!! CROWD The gleeful luchadors jump up and down, suggesting to their opponents that now they can be just like them. Looking utterly pissed off, Black and O'Hara step back from one another, the arguement all but forgotten. A second later, Black then turns around and absolutely WALLOPS Moracca with a devestating Lariat!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara immediately turns to Mariachi and starts levelling him with a succession of forearm, backing him into a corner while referee Chioda orders Black out of the ring. Trapped in the corner, Mariachi gets stomped down until he's sat against the bottom turnbuckle. A few more kicks later and O'Hara climbs to the middle rope. Looking down at Mariachi underneath him, O'Hara then moonsaults off the rope, bringing his feet crashing forwards into the chest of Mariachi!! SCHIAVONE Unbelievable move! A backflip from the middle rope, into a dropkick against the bottom turnbuckle! That was something! Dragging Mariachi from the corner, O'Hara covers... 1... 2... NO! O'Hara lays in with his Nikes a few more times, before picking Mariachi up. A scoop and a slam sets him near the ropes, through which O'Hara exits to the apron. O'Hara then slingshots himself back in, clearing the top rope and coming down with a legdrop across the throat of the pink Mexican! Another cover... 1... 2... Still NO! By the mask O'Hara pulls Mariachi back up... and after a little thought, he and Black make a decidedly unfriendly tag. VENTURA Los Diablos made the one biggest mistake that they could have done in this match. They made O'Hara and Black angry at someone besides each other. And now they're paying. Black steps in and takes over on the rough treatment of Mariachi. Applying a double chicken wing, the Englishman hoists Mariachi up off the canvas and holds him there, putting tremendous torque on the shoulders before he finally gets sick of waiting and drops him face-first to the canvas. Once he lands, Black sits on Mariachi's back and grabs his right arm, pulling it back against the grain until it can go no further! Kicking his legs Mariachi screams in pain, only saved when Black gets up to kick Moracca back off the apron to the floor. SCHIAVONE Two very different styles, but it all means punishment to Los Diablos De Fuego. VENTURA You know, sometimes all the flamboyance'll win them a match or gain them an advantage. But more often than not it just makes people want to beat their asses. SCHIAVONE And not in the way they'd like! Favouring his arm, Mariachi tries to crawl away from Black but is stalked after, being booted in the face the moment he's caught up to. Black pulls Mariachi to his feet, reeling him in by the arm and driving his elbow hard into the centre of the chest. With a go-behind, Black then picks Mariachi up and almost snaps him in HALF with a Half Nelson Backbreaker! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hook of the leg... 1... 2... Last ditch save by Moracca! O'Hara brushes right past the referee, stomping Moracca back out of the ring. Chioda doesn't take kindly to that though and orders Jamie from the ring, while Black sets Mariachi up. A back suplex flattens Mariachi, cause for celebration apparantly for Black as he walks away with his hands in the air. Unbeknownst to him and anyone without the benefit of a monitor in front of them though, Mariachi's limp body is dragged from the ring and replaced with the slightly less limp one of Moracca! VENTURA Now wait a minute! Not this garbage again! By the time Black turns around again, the switch has been successfully pulled off. And the blissfully ignorant Black pulls Moracca towards him, grabbing a hold of the mask. SCHIAVONE Well we saw it as plain as day Jess', but nobody else did it seems. Reaching down, Black starts to pull Moracca up... ...and gets shocked with an inside cradle!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" 1... 2... 3- NO!!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Moracca gets up and looks expectantly at the referee... taking his eye off of Black and leaving himself open for the BLACK LARIAT!! VENTURA WHAM! There's some justice, dished out ice cold! The discus clothesline puts Moracca down right on the back of his head, leaving him no more coherent than his partner. Black isn't done just yet though, hauling Moracca back up off the canvas and to his feet. Setting him in a standing headscissors, Black crosses Moracca's arms underneath his body and 'straightjackets' them, using that grip to flip the luchador up... before sitting out, driving him to the mat with a Pyramid Bomb!! SCHIAVONE That's a new one... 1... O'Hara ducks into the ring and runs right past the pin... 2... ...WIPING MARIACHI OUT WITH A SOMERSAULT PLANCHA... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* VENTURA Wow! Would you believe it, 'the team that wasn't' is moving on to the Conference Semi-Finals! Black unties Moracca and stands up to celebrate the victory. His mood is dampened slightly as O'Hara rolls back in with the same thing in mind, the two glaring at each other again... BUFFER Your winners of the match, advancing on in the 2008 Anderson Cup... NATHANIEL BLACK and JAMIE O'HHHAAAAARRRRRAAAAAAA!!! ...and wondering, "did we really just co-exist"? VENTURA Well I wouldn't have believed it, but they actually got it done. SCHIAVONE And last year's finalists and number one seeds go out in some fashion. Los Diablos will not be repeating their fairytale run of 2007 in this year's competition. Could it be that Black and O'Hara become the surprise package of the 2008 Anderson Cup? Black casts a last look at O'Hara, the two clearly not on the same page now the bell has rung, stepping out of the ring and walking off to the back claiming the victory for himself. Not particularly bothered, O'Hara sticks around to actually have his hand raised before he walks off. Knowing he'll have to go through it all again, soon. COMMERCIAL

Having returned from their combined coffee run, the happy couple that is Leon Rodez and Maggie Nerdly are just approaching their locker room door as we get backstage. I say 'their' because Maggie isn't actually a wrestler, so doesn't need a locker room. (She's the interviewer one, for those struggling to keep score at home.) Before they can enter the locker room though, Maggie suddenly stops Leon short of grabbing the door handle, which obviously confuses him to no end. MAGGIE Leon, wait... LEON What? Don't tell me, somebody you just HAVE to interview or else you'll lose the scoop to Josh. Damn pretty boy. MAGGIE No, no. It's just... well, it's about my family. We're beginning to get closer and I'm really enjoying spending time with you, but they're gonna want to meet you sooner or later and it's gonna be awkward. They're all really chill people, don't get me wrong... well, except Abdullah, but ya know, he's adopted. It's just that... well, it's just that, the Nerdlys, we're... all giant dorks! It's really quite a coincidence, considering our last name is Nerdly and so many of my brothers and sisters are Nerds. But, they are. Really and truly. Leon just stares at Maggie. LEON You don't say. Leon again goes to open the door, but is again held from doing so. MAGGIE Look, Melody arranged a big party, to celebrate The Gunslingers winning the Tag Team Titles. And MARV and MEL are gonna be there and she just insisted that I invite you along, but I was all like "he might be busy, he is one half of the WORLD Six-Man Tag Team Champions after all" and then she just kinda laughed for some reason and said she'd hold the party here to make things easier. They wanna analyse you, like some sorta bio-chemical thingy, or something. I just don't know if I'm ready for this yet. LEON Would you relax? First off, I've been in this place with your brothers for about four years now. I've rode to shows with them. Long car journeys. Long. And besides, I'm the king of cool. Infact, I'm so cool, some of my coolness might just rub off on them. And with that, Leon opens the door to the communal locker room with a friendly "HEY!". Not much of a vocal reaction comes back though as everyone in the room is busy partying. Well, I say 'partying'. D*LUX members Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant are locked in a heated battle of Texas Hold 'Em with Texas' favourite sons, the One And Only World Tag Team Champions The Lone Star Gunslingers. Disinterested in all this is Jade Rodez, sat back reading a copy of Us Magazine on loan from Krista Isadora Duncan, thus carrying various bits of grafitti. And across the room, sat hunched over a fancy slimline PS2, Melody Nerdly and her brothers MARV and MEL are completely oblivious to the real world around them. Upon taking this sight in, poor Maggie sighs. LEON Wow, quite a gathering huh? Would you look at all the gold in here? Tag Titles, 6-Man Tag Titles, Angle Awards. It's like being one of Mr T's chest hairs, I'm surrounded by it! SHAYNE Haha, I love Mr T! TYLER Yeah, A-Team man. Totally cool. LEON Ah, to be young and have my finger on the pulse of pop culture again. JADE (off-screen) Again? LEON (ignoring the snide comment) So, some party, you guys really kno... Trailing off on mid-sentence, Leon seems to notice the Nerdly siblings for the first time. Or, more specifically, what they're doing. Melody sits down next to Jade and rubs her forehead, sensing a migraine coming on all of a sudden. LEON Oh my God... MAGGIE I knew it. LEON ...that is the most AWESOME OAOAST Fire Pro edit I have seen in my LIFE!! MAGGIE Say what? Maggie looks up to see the limited graphic quality versions of MARV and MEL on screen, battling it out in their own virtual HeldDOWN~! arena with Melody's choice of character, Frank Bruiser. The two brothers seem to be unfairly targetting their sister, mainly because it's the only way they can stand to beat her, judging by the counter she pulls off on MEL before suplexing him out of the customised ring. MELODY Oh my God, you play Fire Pro? LEON "Do I play Fire Pro", she asked. I'll tell you what, I've never played a Fire Pro game that looked half as good as that. You even got the logo! MELODY Sh-yeah! It took me eight hours. Totally worth it! LEON I'll say! That may well be the most beautiful thing I've seen in my entire life. Yes, Maggie IS still in the room, for those wondering. LEON Tell you what, I've got next. MEL/MARV/LSGS/D*LUX/JADE FINE! TYLER She already beat us. JOCK (pointing to Baron) Three times. SHAYNE She beat me with Conquistador Dos. Badly. MELODY Don't mess yourself there hotshot, me and the Champs are due out in the arena pretty soon. So your ritual pe-owning will have to wait for some other time. But I'll hit you up with the link for downloading the edit if you want, so you can at least practise before said pe-owning. Dead simple. Alls you gotta do is just clink the link, download, if you're on a half-decent dial-up it shouldn't take any time at all really. LEON Okay, then what do I do? MELODY You got Action Replay Max? LEON Of course! MELODY Great. Extract the .max files to the thumbdrive, place the AR Max CD into the PS2 along with the drive and a memory card. Go to memory management, extract the file from the drive to the memory card and then 'uncrush' the file so it's in the correct format. Then you load up Fire Pro and copy the data from the relevant screen in the game. As every other eye in the room glazes over, Leon is somehow still coherent and actually nodding in agreement. LEON Alright, cool. Hit me up with the link on AIM some time. MELODY K! Right on cue, Melody CRITICALs! MARV and casually skips off to go get changed before going out into the arena. MEL and MARV dejectedly pack up the PS2, all watched by a confused looking Maggie and an only half-interested Jade. MAGGIE What just happened? JADE You just met my brother. Enjoy your life together. (sadly) Oh, Britney. Just shoot the porn movie and let us get on with our lives. LEON (walking over) See, I told you I'd get along fine with everyone! Smiling to herself, Maggie relaxes back, looking at the picture Jade is stuck on in her glossy mag and cringing a little. COACH Who are those geeks? You think you'd see The Enterprise or Reject messing around with fifteen dollar PS2 games? Naw those niggas is on the real, beasting with 360's, Mass Effect, Bioshock, NBA2k8, not some cornball Japanese bitch ass wrestling game. We won the war, Cole? Why we still whorin out to their video games? COLE What is wrong with you, Coach? Of all the things to nitpick about someone. Regardless fans there's still much more to come, including the other Anderson Cup match pitting Los Diablos against the boys from England Jamie O'Hara and Nate Black, along with scenes from The Look Of Love, and The Gunslingers will make their first televised title defense very soon. Stick around! COMMERCIAL The OAOAST Event Tracker is Brought To You By Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get January 24, 2008 - Calgary, Alberta (SOLD OUT) January 27, 2008 (AnglePalooza) - Atlanta, GA (SOLD OUT) January 31, 2008 - Cleveland, OH (SOLD OUT) January 31, 2008 - Cleveland, OH (SOLD OUT) February 7, 2008 - Mobile, AL (SOLD OUT)

Back from break, and Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker are still in the ring after their victory over Rescue 911. Wright, wiping beads of sweat from his brow, has the mic in his hand, and the fans aren't looking forward to having to hear what he has to say, as evidenced by their consistent jeers. WRIGHT What you just saw, was an exercise in excellence. We two men right here, in top physical condition, perfectly healthy and perfectly wealthy, taking care of these two wannabe civil servants who have no right disgracing the OAOAST ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" WRIGHT But I don't want to talk about them...the person I wish to talk about at this time is your so-called savior, your hero, your...ugh, franchise, Zack Malibu! The fans roar at the mention of the ever-popular star, while the rest of The Enterprise share Christian's disdain by the look on their faces. WRIGHT Let me tell you something about Zack Malibu. Do you know why he chose me last week as Bohemoth's opponent in their little Pick Your Poison challenge? Do you honestly think it was simply because Bo and I have a past? No, no, no, supporters of the OAOAST, do not be fooled. Zack Malibu chose Christian Wright, myself, to take on Bohemoth because he is AFRAID OF ME! Remember that booing from just moments ago? It's now louder than ever, and Wright grows more incensed, not with the fans, but rather with the thoughts running through his head and then exiting out of his mouth. WRIGHT Zack Malibu chose Bohemoth to avoid a confrontation with me! Zack Malibu knows that, had I been chosen, that I would have been a setback to his race back to the World Championship. Zack Malibu is manipulative, Zack Malibu is a fraud, and Zack Malibu has every single one of you fooled into thinking that he means so much to the OAOAST! Zack Malibu is NOTHING! The strong words are grating on the nerves of the crowd, the vast majority of whom are Malibu fans. Still, Wright presses on. WRIGHT Zack, I know you're back there. You're here tonight because Michael Cole was going to have a wonderful little interview with you, talking about your competition with that anchor I cut loose long ago. Well, Zack, I'm fresh off one match tonight, but I'm certainly game for another. So if you're man enough, Zack...if you believe in yourself so much that you can take on any challenge en route to the World Championship, then get out here right now, because I am CHALLENGING YOU! That's right, Zack...you and I, once again, in this ring, on this night! The fans roar at the challenge, wanting Wright to have his mouth shut personally by their hero. Moments later, their prayers are answered, as "Getting Away With Murder" sends them into a frenzy, and puts a smirk on Christian Wright's face. COLE Christian Wright, in a moment that some may call confident, and many may feel was stupid, has gotten the attention of the former World Heavyweight Champion! In a simple white button down and blue jeans outfit, Zack Malibu comes pacing down the aisle, and rolls right into the lion's den, as the members of The Enterprise inch back when he glares at them all. Stealing the mic from Wright, Malibu motions for his music to be cut, and despite the impromptu nature of this all, answers Wright with what he may regret hearing. MALIBU You're ON! Malibu throws the mic over his shoulder, then starts blasting Wright with right hands, as the referee from the prior contest, retained by Wright for this one, calls for the bell! Christian Wright gets whipped into the ropes, and then Malibu nails him with a leaping lariat! Wright gets up, and Malibu starts firing off chops instead of punches this time, blistering his chest until he's cut off by a thumb to the eye! As the referee scolds Wright for the tactic, the brash star nails Malibu with a European uppercut that staggers him. Wright then whips Zack into the ropes, then tucks his head, which is a mistake as Zack blasts him with a kick! Wright's head cocks back, and Malibu grabs him for what appears to be the rock bottom backbreaker, but Wright clocks him with an elbow, then takes him down with a belly to belly suplex! CW then starts putting the boots to Zack, working him over before picking him up and shoving him into the corner, where he continues to kick away at him! Wright then pulls Zack out of the corner, but Malibu puts the brakes on, and a second attempt has the same result as the first, as he won't budge! Zack hits a kick to the midsection that doubles CW over, then takes him by the head and rams it into the turnbuckle, then climbs the ropes as Christian staggers back, and nails him with a flying crossbody off the top rope! ONE! TWO! NO! Wright kicks out, but as they both get up, Zack readies him for a suplex, but it's reversed...and then reversed by Zack, who slides out of his grasp and lands behind him, then runs him to the ropes! As he tries to pull back into a rollup, Zack comes up short, as Christian hangs onto the ropes...and when he goes after him again he winds up backdropped over the ropes...but lands on the apron! Wright turns around, but gets blasted with a shoulderblock through the ropes before Zack slingshots himself in, hurdling over Wright and running the ropes, coming back with a dropkick that sends CW flying through the middle ropes and out to the floor! COLE Christian Wright might be regretting his challenge right about now, since Malibu has had the upper hand for most of this contest! COACH C'mon Cole, it takes a real man to make a challenge right after he's wrestled a match already. When was the last time Zack di...YO! As the Enterprise is helping Christian up off the floor, Malibu seizes the moment and runs the ropes again, then dives through the middle ropes with a tope that wipes Christian, Moneymaker, and CPA out in one fell swoop! Malibu gets up and is worked up, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it to the side and getting some happy squeals from the female fanbase! Malibu pulls Christian up out of the Enterprise wreckage and rolls him into the ring, then leaps onto the apron and then onto the ropes, hitting a springboard legdrop that gets some major hang time before it finds its mark across Wright's throat! ONE! TW-NO! CPA pulls the referee out before he can complete the count, and he is NOT happy about that! COLE Bold move putting your hands on an OAOAST official, CPA! Allen stares down the official, who isn't afraid to stand up for himself and nudge the burly security guard, warning him to watch himself. In the ring, Zack leads Christian to his feet, but as he does, CW pushes Zack back into the ropes, and into the official, who goes flying to the floor! COLE Nick Patrick is DOWN, and not one person from The Enterprise tried to catch him! COACH Can you blame them? COLE ... Zack stumbles forward after the collision, and Wright pops up and drops him with a facebuster, and follows with an inverted atomic drop that stuns the Preppy One. COLE He's going for the C4! Wright tries for the third move in the sequence, the STO, but Zack drives his elbow into the side of his head, then takes him down with his own STO! Zack then mounts the shoulders and opens fire with elbow after elbow, mashing Wright's million dollar face in...until Theodore Moneymaker slides into the ring and nails Zack with a boot to the back of the head! COLE C'mon now! Moneymaker works Zack over while Wright recovers, and CPA enters the ring as well, with Mackenzie cheerleading the whole ordeal. The three members of The Enterprise pile up on Zack, working him over any which way they can. COLE Malibu is succumbing to the odds, and you have to wonder Coach, was this a trap all along? COACH Coulda been, Mikey Cole, coulda been! The crowd grows hostile, booing the beatdown...then have some life injected into them, as BOHEMOTH charges down the aisle! COLE What's gonna happen here!? Bo slides into the ring, and his first order of business is to nail Christopher Patrick Allen with a hard running lariat! Moneymaker charges him next, and Bo quickly scoops him off his feet and drives him into the canvas with a spinebuster! COLE Bohemoth coming out here to help even the odds a bit, and listen to this crowd! The fans are frenzied as CPA and TM roll around aching on the canvas, while Bo stalks Christian Wright. Wright begs off, but Bo actually backs down, surprising Christian Wright! Bo leaves the ring, while CW calls him a coward, to which Bo replies "you're not my problem." Wright sneers at Bo before turning around...RIGHT INTO A SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! CW ducks at the last second and rolls out of the ring to escape...but is promptly grabbed by Bo and hurled back into the ring! Wright is now more disgusted than ever, as he gets up and dusts himself off...AND NOW GETS CRACKED WITH A SCHOOL'S OUT BY ZACK MALIBU! Zack covers, and the recovered ref crawls in for the count! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COACH I'll be damned, Zack Malibu gettin' things done tonight! COLE The Enterprise tried to set him up, but that mutual respect came through in spades tonight, as Bohemoth had Zack's back! COACH But did you notice, Cole...did you notice that Bo never laid a hand on Christian Wright! Bo didn't want Zack's win coming at his expense...he evened the odds, but he left the rest to Zack. COLE And Zack took care of the rest, hitting that superkick that he can connect with out of nowhere, and shutting the mouth of The Natural! Zack gets his hand raised, and turns to see Bo applauding in the aisle way. Bo backs up, and gives Zack a thumbs up, to which Malibu nods. Malibu surveys the carnage around him, as The Enterprise are all laid out, and leaves Mackenzie to pick up the pieces, as he bails out of the ring. COLE The Lethal Rumble is just a short time away, and that could be the night that Zack Malibu gains another opportunity to challenge for the World Heavyweight Title, and he's stepping over anyone in his path. Tonight The Enterprise found out the hard way that no matter what the competition may be between Zack and Bo, the mutual respect of these men is what comes first, and there is no doubt that they have each other's backs! Malibu catches up to Bo in the aisleway, and the two just eye each other before Zack pats the big man on the shoulder and continues on to the back, only to be followed by the big man. Both disappear behind the curtain as Mackenzie screams from the ring, unhappy with the end result of Christian Wright's challenge, and we cut to our latest commercial break. COMMERCIAL