Patty O'Green

OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Holly-Wood is the sister of which of these former OAOAST Stars? A.Ragdoll B.Northstar C.TJ Burns D.Jacob Lyne The answer still to come Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital EMT Tim Cash and Officer Tango Bosley come out to the tune of "Hospital Beds" by Cold War Kids, the only thing keeping the arena from complete silence. BUFFER Wrestling fans, this is a first round Anderson Cup bout! Introducing first, the #8 seed in the MWC Conference, from the OAOAST First Responders Unit, DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and EMT TIM CASH... RESCUE 9-1-1! * scattered applause * Despite the lukewarm reception the guys are in high spirits, likely because they know this is their best shot at ever receiving a tag title shot. If not for the children Tango and Cash would look like fools walking down the aisle with their hands out as the rebellious teens and cynical public shun their goody to-shoes image. COLE Here’s a team still learning the ropes in the OAOAST, but what a feather in the cap it would be for Rescue 911 if they upset the top ranked team in the MWC and advanced to the semi-finals. COACH They’ll need pigs to fly and hell to freeze over in the next 5 minutes for that to happen. Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price CPA sweeps the area Secret Service-style before giving his boss and company the OK to proceed. BUFFER Their opponents, accompanied by the Chief Finanical Officer of the Enterprise MACKENZIE DECENZO and Director of Security Christopher Patrick Allen, otherwise known as CPA…the #1 seed in the MWC Conference and the 2007 Anderson Cup winners… CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" It’s casual Thursday for the Enterprise and Mackenzie takes advantage of the lax dress code, sporting a tight black t-shirt with red lips on the front with the phrase “I feel pretty“ on the top and “Oh so pretty“ underneath. COACH Isn’t that a great shirt, Michael? Of course it is. You know why? Because not only is it available now on ShopOAOAST-dot-com but it was designed by Mackie’s girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia and made with love and care by Honduras schoolchildren! COLE (gasps) How terrible! COACH What, you want more? ‘Cuz I got more. If you buy the shirt in the next 10 minutes you’ll receive a free batch of cookies courtesy of Mrs. Spezia’s Sweeties! Mackenzie strips Teddy and CW of their attire and hands them to the ring boy as the bell sounds. * DINGDINGDING * Rescue 911 manage to pop the crowd, at least the females and possibly a few males, by removing their getup only to be ambushed by Wright and Moneymaker! COLE Uh-oh. Rescue 911 in trouble early. Both teams exchange blows in the center of the ring, and it’s Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker who gain the upper hand following stereo eye rakes. Irish whip, but Rescue 911 duck a pair of clotheslines and floor Moneymaker and Wright on the rebound with flying back elbows! “YEAH!” Teddy and CW reorganize outside with Mackenzie DeCenzo. Moneymaker steps back in and locks up with Detective Bosley, driving his knee into the midsection before ramming one of law enforcement’s finest into the buckle. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Bosley turns the table and hammers away on Moneymaker. He whips Theodore to the far corner but runs into a BIG BOOT and then a clothesline! THEODORE Following a scoop slam the Billion Dollar Heir falls back from the second rope, but misses the big elbow as Detective Bosley rolls away! COLE Theodore Moneymaker got greedy. He wanted to end this early and it backfired. I guess you can say the check bounced, Coach. COACH (sarcastically) Ha, ha. Bosley wrings Moneymaker’s arm and then bars it as he tags EMT Tim, who comes off the top with a double axe across the outstretched arm of Theodore Moneymaker. After his arm is wrung again the Billion Dollar Heir is grounded with an arm drag. With the EMT’s knee pressed up against the side of his head Moneymaker uses his long reach to RAKE THE EYES! Christian Wright places his foot on the top rope and Theodore Moneymaker smashes Tim’s face into it. * TAG * Now the legal man, Christian Wright bombards EMT Tim with a series of punishing European uppercuts and knife-edge chops. He shoots him off to the ropes and snaps the first responder over with a powerslam! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Quick tag from Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, and the Billion Dollar Heir works Tim over in the corner with more chops and big right hands. When ordered to back away Theodore is happy to oblige as it allows CW to CHOKE TIM WITH THE TAG ROPE! COACH All right, Cole. Here’s the opportunity for you to start whining about the need for a second official. COLE Why bother? It’s obvious nobody is listening. Teddy whips Tim to the ropes and winds up paying for it as the EMT ducks under an attempted back elbow smash and nails him on the rebound with a CROSS BODY! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! EMT Tim smartly tags out. Fresh as a daisy Detective Bosley has an extra bounce to his step, catching Moneymaker flush in the jaw with a running dropkick! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Irish whip, and Bosley MILITARY PRESSES the Billion Dollar Heir before SLAMMING him on the canvas! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO!! A tag is made and Detective Bosley SLINGSHOTS his partner into the ring…but Theodore gets the KNEES UP as EMT Tim splashes down on him! COACH Rescue 911 wrote a check their ass couldn’t cash. Kinda like Patrick Crayton of the Dallas Cowboys, choking in a big spot. Theodore tags in the fresh man and CW drills Tim with a SUPERKICK! ONE... TWO... Save by Bosley! MACKENZIE Christian shakes it off and rolls forward with Tim across his shoulder blades. COLE The Bank Roll! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! Again Bosley makes the save, much to the displeasure of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. "9-1-1!" "9-1-1!" "9-1-1!" Mackenzie attempts to quell the chants with verbal insults only incites the crowd further. WRIGHT SILENCE! "9-1-1!" "9-1-1!" "9-1-1!" COACH Tim’s gonna need somebody to call 911 once the Enterprise are done with him. CW looks to finish Tim with the Conversion Rate, but the EMT counters with a suplex! “YEAH!” The drama builds as EMT Tim crawls to his corner in search of the tag. Detective Bosley reaching out as far as he can without losing his grip on the tag rope. Christian Wright sees Tim out of the corner of his eye and tries to stop the (hot) tag…but is too late! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE There it is! There's the tag! Bosley comes in a house afire, decking both Wright and Moneymaker. After slamming both he fires CW into the ropes and levels him with a dropkick. EMT Tim gets back involved, knocking the Billion Dollar Heir to the outside with a clothesline, but his momentum sends him falling out as well. COLE Keep a close eye on CPA and Mackenzie. COACH Like they’d do anything. Detective Bosley signals it’s time for Christian Wright’s Arrest & Trial, but the Natural floats over and spikes him with the STOCKMARKET CRASH!! ONE... TWO... THREE! * DINGDINGDING * You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to the semi-finals of the 2008 Anderson Cup... THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE A valiant effort on the part of Rescue 911, but in the end Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker were too much for them to handle. COACH If you’re going to play with fire, Cole, you just might get burnt. Rescue 911 learned the hard way. COLE So we now know Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright will face D*LUX in one of the semi-final bouts in the MWC Conference. Here’s what’s on tap for next week. 2008 ANDERSON CUP Los Infernales Conference: Jumbo & Deuce Deuce Bigelow vs. Team Heyross Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference: Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew vs. Love Doctors COMMERCIAL

Halifax, Nova Scotia!! Dig it and dig it hard, I'm gonna lay a new rule on cats, if you call a segment for HD (opener, mainevent) then don't get it in by the time I'm done posting the show, I'm gonna put something else in the spot you called. We'll see how well that's enforced! krista should be in action against someone. If somebody has a heel that doesn't get on TV alot, or one that that they just wanted used, let me know and I'll use them.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: January 10th 2007 First air date:January 12th 2007 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura Lead corespondent:Tony Brannigan ***Christ Air Express Vs Spencer Reiger and Mr.X*** The Nerdly twins displayed amazing chemistry as a team with constant tags, and high impact double team after high impact double team on a severely out classed Reiger. Eventually Mr.X was able to get the tag but his performance against the Express was every bit as futile and pathetic as his partner. The finish to the lopsided squash came when MEL used the Melanoma Sitout Powerslam on Mr.X, and MARV followed up with the Marvellousity for a pin. After the contest was over, Reiger foolishly tried to attack the Canadians, but was handily beaten down and discarded with the Pearly Gates- Flatliner/Enziguri combo. Winner: By pinfall Christ Air Express After the first commercial break, MARV and MEL were still at ringside, signing autographs for the fans. Unfortunately their impromptu autographs session was interrupted by Blondie's Call Me. Onto the entrance stage came The Beverly Hills Blonds and the Siclopse toting Molly Nerdly. As this is only an hour show, The Blonds wasted no time in getting right to the point, accusing the twins of cheating in their opening Anderson Cup match. The boys were aghast at this comment, but The Blonds continued to rant about the CAE taking away their Anderson Cup chances and robbing them of the bonus money that goes long with advancing through the rounds. The CAE grew tired of being insulted and ran up the ramp to pick a fight with The Blonds. However, the BHBs and Molly quickly retreated backstage. The OAOAST rewind sponsored by Sony flashbacked to the the NYS battle royal, showing both Colombian Heat's victory and CPA's misfortunes with Moracca ***Christopher Patrick Allen Vs Moracca of Los Diablos*** Moracca took surprising control of the contest during the opening minutes, using his speed to run CPA ragged. But one stiff punch from Allen floored the luchadore and allowed the ex boxer to take control of the bout. For several minutes Allen beat Moracca from pillar to post, and there were moments where it seemed that the Mexican wouldn't be able to answer a ten count. But Moracca staged a late match comeback, nearly pinning Allen with several victory rolls and sunset flips. His luck would later run out, as Allen finally defeated him with the dominator. After the match, Mariachi came into the ring to check on his partner's welfare. Proving the old saying no good deed goes unpunished to be correct, Mariachi was struck with a dominator by CPA! Winner: By pinfall CPA The second edition of the House of Worship began with Abdullah Abir Nerdly offering prayer and thanks to Theodore Moneymaker for investing time and money into the creation of the show. Once the ass kissing was over he brought out The Blonds and Molly as his guests. After congratulating each other on both having successful talk shows, The Blonds picked up right where they left off earlier in the show, rambling on and on about the trickery of MARV and MEL. They claimed MARV and MEL had no business being ranked as high as they were in the Anderson Cup, and didn't even deserve a place in the actual tournament! This drew the smoking HAWT~! skaters onto the set as unscripted guests. But, The Blonds once again wanted nothing to do with the Express and along with the show's host and his sister, ran far far away. ***Jamie O'Hara Vs Vinny Valentine*** Before the match, the two wrestlers engaged in a crowd judged dance off, which O'Hara won easily. Early on in the bout, Valentine managed to neutralize O'Hara with rest holds, and submission attacks. At one point, the disco duck was even on the verge of submitting the Englishman with an armbar. But, O'Hara would turn the tables once he found his speed game. Valentine was assailed with high flying attacks that he had no answer for. Though he hit a few scattered power moves here and there, Vinny V was eventually done in by an Inverted Hurricanrana followed by the Da Bling Thing Shooting Star Legdrop. Winner: By pinfall Jamie O'Hara At the interview stage, or whatever the fuck its official title is, world champion turned world class interviewer Tony Brannigan spoke with Angle Award winning couple Logan and Holly. Logan explained the absence of the other two members of The Rocker family by noting that Synth was wasted at the hotel lobby, and Abdullah was still on the run with The Blonds from his brothers, MARV and MEL. Holly and Logan split the talking duties, each vowing that The Rockers would see better days, and regain their titles. They mentioned that losing the titles was an even bigger tragedy then their exclusion from the rock n roll of fame. They both promised that every day The Gunslingers hold the belt, they're in danger of incurring unspeakable acts of violence from The Rockers. Highlights from last Thursday's HeldDOWN were shown in addition to a preview for the upcoming Anderson Cup matches on the 1/17 HeldDOWN~! NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! More First Round Anderson Cup Action THE ENTERPRISE vs. RESCUE 911 & LOS DIABLOS DE FEUGO VS. Nathaniel Black/Jamie O'Hara The view switched to the parking garage, where the near breathless foursome of Molly, Abdullah, Ned and Simon continued their escape from the CAE. Too tired to continue running, but unwilling to face down the Express, the four hid themselves within the trunk of a vacant limo! Though the hood couldn't even close properly it did its job of concealing the group from the CAE. ***Vitamin X Vs ThunderKid*** The match began with a great deal of trash talk from the X-Man. His jaw jacking quickly erupted into a huge brawl that poured from the ring and spilled onto the outside area. The unruly slug fest became even more violent when Vitamin X low blowed (blown?) Thunderkid and snap suplexed him onto the steel entrance ramp. The brawl continued with Vitamin X dominating through the usage of steel steps, barricades, and the announce table (frightening Tony Schiavone!). At the request of referee Nick Patrick, the match was brought back into the ring. Unfortunately for Vitamin this meant Thunderkid was able to take control of the bout with some decent mat wrestling. He slowly picked apart the X-Man, focusing on crippling him with variations of the ankle lock. VX would however turn the tables on his foe; after shattering the last ankle lock attempt he attacked Kid with The Overdose a double armed suplex into a neckbreaker. From there the two traded signature holds, with X seeming to hold the advantage until Kid hit his finisher the Thunderbolt Brainbuster DDT. No pin was made, though, thanks to Spanish Fly's sudden appearance on the apron. Thunderkid left the ring and chased Fly on the outside. But, while VX distracted Patrick, Kid was assailed by Cuban Wall who handcuffed him to the ring post! Without any chance of his opponent escaping and reentering the ring, Vitamin was able to secure an easy count out victory. Winner: By countout Vitamin X The show ended with the various members of the Lightening Crew retreating up the ramp, pointing and laughing at an enraged and still handcuffed Thunderkid.

Halifax, Nova Scotia...wait that's for the booking thread. Um, I'll leave some observations tomorrow.

WRITING CREDITS 149 LP KC Zachary Moi EWC at some point GRAPHIC CREDITS KC Big Papa

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD EARLIER TONIGHT Inside the office of the OAOAST's namesake AngleSault, and the boss has got a couple of distinguished guests with him. Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, both dressed in their street clothes, one a little more casually than the other, are in the middle of what can be best decribed as a slightly forced conversation while they wait for AngleSault to get off the phone. Eventually he emerges from his desk and stands between the two of them, smiling. ANGLESAULT Okay guys, there's a couple of good reasons why I called you both in here tonight. First off, I just wanted to confirm that you've both got a spot in the Lethal Rumble, January 27th. So that'll be the first opportunity for you two to really make good on your quote-un-quote 'competition', while in direct competition. Depending on the luck of the draw, of course. Bo and Zack take a quick glance at each other. ANGLESAULT As for tonight, I know you're both itching to compete, especially after I left you both off the trip to Mexico. Seems like you're both really eager to get the 'one up' on each other. Get a little momentum going before the Rumble. So, you've both got a match tonight. ZACK Sounds good to me. ANGLESAULT I thought it would. Bo? BOHEMOTH Hey, you know me, I'm always ready for a fight. ANGLESAULT Well, that's settled then. And, just to make things a little more interesting... I'm going to let you pick each other's opponents. AngleSault smiles, as does Zack. Bo remains typically cool and calm but unfolds his arms, rubbing his hands at the prospect. ANGLESAULT So, it's Pick Your Poison time guys. Zack, what's it to be? After a few moments of thought, Zack looks up at Bohemoth. ZACK Well, there's a ton of guys on the roster that I'm sure you could tear right through without breaking a sweat bigman. There's also quite a few who I think could match up pretty well with you. Some big guys. Tall guys. Powerful guys. But, since we're in the spirit of competition here and we want to make things interesting, if there's one guy in the OAOAST who I think can really give you a run for your money... it'd have to be someone who knows you better than anybody else out there. Somebody like your old running buddy, Christian Wright. And I'm sure you wouldn't mind getting your hands on him either. ANGLESAULT Okay, Christian it is. And Bo, who do you want Zack to face tonight? Grinning a little, Bohemoth lifts his shades from his eyes. BOHEMOTH You know, I appreciate the thought behind that Zack. Very generous. ZACK Make no mistake, I'm not trying to do you any favours. BOHEMOTH Well, me neither. See everyone knows that you thrive when you're fighting with your heart. So, we won't go down that road. As far as who I think you'd struggle to beat... how about... Leon Rodez. Just about the last name he expected to hear, Zack looks genuinely surprised for a second. Bohemoth coolly lowers the sunglasses back over his eyes as AngleSault cuts the silence with a deep breath. ANGLESAULT Alright then! Bohemoth versus Christian Wright and Zack, you've got Leon Rodez... can't wait to see those matches, good luck out there guys. Zack and Bo continue to stand face to face for a few seconds, before The Franchise suddenly takes off. FADE OUT The flashy introduction video and epic beats of Ultimate Victory welcome millions of viewers to their couches for a Thursday Night Tradition, OAOAST HeldDOWN. Interspersed between close up heavily greyed images of the main characters, are various sequences of the OAOAST's version of ultimate victories, title wins, executions of devastating finishers, and crazed high spots. As the song fades to its ending, the logo is presented... The logo dissolves away leaving us with the image the announce team at sofa central, eager to begin the introduction to tonight's festive proceedings. Behind them is a row of rowdy, unbelievably raucous fans, who enrage in a small war with security as they try to get their faces in camera shot. COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN live from the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas! I'm Michael Cole, COACH Getting the rub from the ladies' pick, Da Coach, Johnathan Coachman! COLE By ladies I assume you mean your mother! Well, folks, we're fresh off The New Years Spectacular and beginning our road to Anglemania in the city of Angels Los Angeles, California. And our first major stop is at Anglepalooza in Atlanta, Georgia. Already superstars are trying to get an edge on one another, as we saw about thirty seconds ago with Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. In addition to their two matches, multi Angle Ward winner Alix Maria Spezia will be doing battle against Rescue 911. More about how that match came about later in the program. We'll also have two more first round Anderson Cup matches as Faqu and James Blonde meet D*LUX, and former one and only world tag team champions The Heavenly Rockers restart their long hard road back to the gold. And, we're gonna hear from the brand new champions, The Lonestar Gunslingers, 2007 Manager of the year Melody Nerdly, from their hometown! Plus we'll see parts of the second episode of Look Of Love, airing on VH1. But, first we need to address..... THE LIGHTS GO DARK! The Tron flares to life with an image of… Shawn Michaels? The crowd POPS~! A date appears at the bottom of the screen: “August 2000” A nameless off screen interviewer poses the question: “So, tell us about your former student, Spider Poet. (A confused but excited little cheer erupts) They’re saying he’s incredibly good, right out of the gate.” HBK flashes his boyish grin, tosses his hair back and says, “That kid’s not just good. That kid’s gonna be the best one day.” DARKNESS AGAIN, A COUNTDOWN BEGINNING ON THE SCREEN A huge buzz begins building in the crowd! 10, 9, 8 A HUM, DEEP AND BASSY begins building through the sound system. With each number, a shot of Spider-Poet doing some crazy maneuver flashes 7, 6, 5, SP and Zack Malibu, SP hanging from the cage, a superkick 4, 3, 2 Celebrations, defeats, a sunset flip 1 – the backdrop to the giant spool of barbed wire! BOOOOOOOM! The opening strains of THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters begins The STAGE EXPLODES IN FLAME, a TUNNEL OF FIRE BLOWING OUT OF THE ENTRANCE GATE! JAMES CONE EMERGES FROM IT! HUGE POP! No longer dressed as Spider-Poet, he’s now shirtless, with black tights with white designs and white boots. He’s sporting a beard and he’s cut his hair – but it’s definitely him! COLE: James Cone! James Cone has returned to HeldDOWN~! Cone grins as he makes his way down the ramp, soaking up the huge roar from the crowd. He hits the turnbuckle and throws his arms up to a huge cheer. He pauses there to enjoy it before FLIPPING SIDEWAYS on into the ring. The music fades and he stands in the center of the ring, clutching a mic. He looks around, smiling for a moment before raising the mic. Cone: “Like the phoenix, James Cone has risen again and returned to the OAOAST!” Another cheer crops up. Cone: “It’s a little different than I remember it, but that’s the nature of things. Things change while you’re gone, and that’s okay. Because there’s something that hasn’t changed. What hasn’t changed is that James Cone, under any name, is one of the best damn wrestlers to ever grace the great business of professional wrestling!” Big pop. Cone: “Now I could stand around out here and blow smoke up everybody’s asses, but that’s only useful for shipwrecks and assholes, and its debatable about assholes.” Laughter. Cone: “So here’s the deal. James Cone, the Lunar Phoenix, has got himself a shiny new contract –“ Pop~! Cone: “-and he’s got some catching up to do. So in a few weeks, at Anglepalooza, I’m laying down the gauntlet. An open challenge. Any type of match that anyone wants, I’ll show up and bring the game.” COLE: What a way to come back! Spider Poet, all grown up, back home in the OAOAST, telling the entire locker room to bring it! Cone: “But everybody back there needs to understand one thing. I’m here to wrestle. I’m here to win. I’m here to rise to the top. I’m here to be the best I can be, I’m here to wear gold. My mind is set to it, and the old guys like Malibu know that if I’ve set my mind to it, then I’m going to do it. So step into the ring with me with a hundred and ten percent because you’re gonna need every bit. Friendships, alliances, buddies, love, hate, business – all of that disappears inside these ropes. In here, it’s about the 1-2-3.” COLE: Cone is focused, and determined, folks. The OAOAST just gained a fireball in its midst. Cone: “The Lunar Phoenix has risen. That heat you feel is a fire under your asses. Bring the heat… or get burned.” THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters kicks in, Cone throws his mic down and hits the turnbuckles as we go to commercial COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT FIRST ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA NEXT

OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Which One of These Former World Champions Has Never Mainevented Anglemania? A.Crystal B.Hoff C.Peter Knight D.Calvin Szechstein The answer: A.Crystal COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans, as we are now ready for our main event. We saw at the start of the show that Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, two men with a friendly rivalry going on, picking each others opponents for this evening. Earlier tonight Bohemoth made it past his former partner, Christian Wright, in a hard fought contest, while Malibu now has to contend with a man he once shared the World Tag Team Titles with, his good friend Leon Rodez! COACH If you ask me, Mikey Cole, Bo made the better choice tonight. Zack picked someone who knows Bo well, no doubt...but he picked someone that Bo now loathes, and when a man that size hates someone enough, he's going to steamroll right over them. Bo came out victorious tonight, but Malibu's back is sorta against the wall here. He has no issues with Leon Rodez, he doesn't have any hatred for Leon Rodez...Leon Rodez is his friend. It'll be a great match fo' sho', but as far as Zack's motivation to win? We saw him bust out that vicious streak when it's needed, against Bruce Blank and against He Who Shall Not Be Named...he ain't gonna do that here, and that could cost him! Trust Company's cover of the famed rock hit "Rock The Casbah" booms over the PA, and the fans erupt, anxiously anticipating this contest. Leon Rodez comes shuffling out from behind the curtain, bopping around the aisleway with a huge smile on his face as he points out a select few of his many fans. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Pick Your Poison Match, contested under standard one fall to a finish rules. Introducing first, the man selected tonight by the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, to be the opponent for Zack Malibu. He weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds...hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan...THIS...is LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEON ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEZZZZZZZZZ! The roar of the fans is heard loud and clear by Leon, who stands on the apron cupping his ear. Rodez slingshots himself over the ropes and runs the ropes, warming up as Malibu's music overpowers his own. Once "Getting Away With Murder" kicks into gear, Malibu steps out and starts his powerwalk to the ring, looking from side to side at the jam-packed crowd that is cheering wildly. BUFFER His opponent, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds...hailing from Providence, Rhode Island, he has come to be known as the Modern Day Warrior, but more importantly, as the Franchise of the One and Only Anglesault Thread...THIS...is...ZAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALLLLLLLLIBUUUUUUUUU! Zack rolls into the ring and kips up to his feet, then points at Leon and waves him on. Zack gives a quick slap of the hand to his former partner, a sign of respect before the contest kicks off. Once the music dies down and the bell rings, we're off and running, as the second part of the Pick Your Poison Challenge starts...NOW! DING! DING! DING! The two friends rush towards each other and tie up, quickly jockeying for position. As they struggle, Leon breaks free of the lockup and uses a go-behind. Malilbu realizes he's trapped in a waistlock and fires an elbow back, but Leon ducks it and breaks the hold! The momentum of firing the elbow back turns Zack towards his opponent, and Leon is quick to use an armdrag, taking his former tag team partner down to the mat! Zack gets right back up, but Leon takes him by the head and wrenches it, only to be shot towards the ropes. Malibu extends an arm and goes for a hiptoss, but Leon blocks the takeover, then tries one of his own, only to have that blocked by Zack! The former World Champion's knee meets Leon's ribs, and then Rodez finds himself taken up for a suplex...but he wriggles free and falls behind Zack, then yanks him to the canvas with a schoolboy! ONE! KICKOUT! Leon, who has been on top of his game thus far, rolls to his feet immediately and backs Zack to the ropes, sending him across the ring...but when he leaps up for a rana, Zack puts on the brakes, and watches as Leon crashes back to the mat! Rodez sits up, dazed from the crash landing, and he's knocked onto his back by a basement dropkick that finds its mark! Rodez knows he can't just lay on the canvas and allow Zack to take over, so he moves to a standing base, favoring his jaw, as Malibu comes at him. Leon reacts, kicking Zack in the ribs and then striking with a set of right hands and pulling Zack into another headlock...but Malibu suplexes him out of it...NO! Leon floats over, landing on his feet...but Zack fires an elbow back that connects this time around, doing no favors for Leon's already sore jaw...and then an enzugiri sends him facefirst into the canvas! COLE Some great counter wrestling here in the early portion, and that's to be expected when you've got former World Tag Team Champions locking up with each other! COACH Bo knew what he was doing when he picked The Silky Smooth One to take on Zack tonight...he knows if anyone has Zack's number, it's the one guy on the active roster who knows him inside and out! Zack helps Leon to his feet, then goes to town on him, allowing hand to meet singlet in the form of some open hand chops. Leon reels and backs himself into the ropes, but won't allow himself to be whipped across the ring when Zack attempts it! Instead, he yanks Zack towards him and elevates him over the ropes, outside of the ring...but Zack lands on the apron! Rodez turns around and catches Zack attempting to springboard in, so he rushes the ropes and shoves Zack down to the apron! Leon then tries for a shoulderblock through the ropes, but Zack sidesteps it, and hits a hard kick to Leon's chest, leaving him dazed as he rests between the top and middle rope. Malibu slingshots over his friend and goes for a sunset flip rollup, but as Leon is about to be taken over, he grabs the top rope with both hands, frees his legs, and delivers a quick double stomp to Zack's chest! Zack grabs at his chest, only for it to be caved in for the second time in under a minute, as Leon hits a back senton, dropping his weight across Zack's upper body! Leon turns over and cradles a leg, looking rather excited as the referee hits the canvas to count. ONE! T-KICKOUT! COLE Zack kicking out once again, but Leon is showing great determination in weakening his former partner. COACH Why not? A win for Leon shoots him right back up the ladder, while Malibu gets knocked down a notch, not to mention that Bo will have one up on him after winning earlier tonight. After being brought up, Malibu gets snapmared over, and Leon connects with a hard soccer kick to the back before dropping to one knee and trapping Malibu in a rear chinlock, pressing the point of his knee between Malibu's shoulder blades. Zack squirms, feeling as uncomfortable as he looks, but manages to make it to his feet and take Leon over with a fireman's carry. Rodez hurries up, but Zack runs him chest first into the corner, then spins him around and connects with forearms across the jaw, then sends Rodez zooming across the ring against his will, towards the opposite corner! Malibu turns and follows, but before Leon hits he leaps up and lands on the second turnbuckle with cat like agility, and leaps back with a flying bodypress...but Zack ducks under it, runs up the ropes, and hits a twisting frog splash mere seconds after Leon has crash landed! ONE! TWO! NO! COLE Leon Rodez proving to be just as resilient as Zack Malibu, kicking out of that high impact splash! Malibu rolls off and goes for the legs, pulling up Leon's weaker leg and delivering a pair of kicks to the back of the knee before Leon kicks him away with his free leg. Zack comes forward, but Leon rolls onto all fours and knocks Zack's legs out from under him. Malibu rolls to his feet, as Leon comes forward with a slight limp, connecting with an overhand right! He pulls Zack in and hammers on his back with forearms, then sets him up for a suplex...but Malibu kicks his legs, shifting the weight! Zack then goes for a suplex on Leon, but Leon uses the same tactic as Zack, and it pays off, as Zack is unable to get Leon up and over! They break, and Leon pops up with a jab, and another, and another, and another! Four jabs find their mark as Malibu is dazed, and Leon goes for an enzugiri...but Malibu ducks! Leon belly flops onto the canvas, and Zack reaches down and hoists him up to his feet, then tries to lift him with a German Suplex, but Leon elbows out, reaches back, and then drops down so that Zack's jaw shatters on the crown of Leon's head! The move sends Zack spilling through the ropes, but he lands on the apron! Leon comes over and stuns Zack further, hitting a double ear clap before dropkicking Malibu's legs out from under him, causing him to drop to the floor and whack his chin on the apron! Leon then races to the ropes and connects with a baseball slide that sends Malibu staggering back into the guardrail. Leon perches himself on the apron, and as Malibu shakes off the attack, dives off with a Thesz Press that puts Zack on the floor! Leon pops up and pumps his fists, while the majority of the crowd shares his enthusiasm as he takes on the OAOAST's most beloved son. COACH Leon just wiped Zack out, and don't it seem to you, Cole, that Zack is holding back a little bit? COLE That's a valid point, Coach. We've seen some great counter wrestling, but as far as the gritty determination usually shown by Malibu, it's missing tonight. Malibu knows that Leon is an obstacle, but I think he's putting friendship first, which is certainly honorable, but won't mean a thing for his win/loss record! Leon pulls Zack up, but as he does, Zack blasts him with a knee to the ribs, then takes his head and slams it into the ring apron! With Leon stunned, Zack hops up on the apron and pulls Leon up with him, striking him with knife edge chops as they balance themselves on the apron...and Leon fights back with chops of his own! Leon leans over the top rope so that it shifts him up and over, floating back into the ring on his feet, and from there he tries a dropkick on Zack that gets swatted down! Zack then slingshots up onto the ropes and springboards in, catching Leon with a bulldog mere seconds after he got back on his feet! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Knowing enough to keep the momentum in his favor, Zack brings Leon up and pushes him into the corner, then climbs onto the middle rope and starts working him over with punches, all while the crowd enjoys their shot at interaction. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! At that point, Leon has had enough, and throws Malibu down to the canvas, but Zack quickly rolls through and gets up, charging in with a full head of steam...right into a back elbow! Leon then takes the stunned Malibu and hooks him for a tornado DDT...but in mid-rotation, Zack shoves HIM off, and when his body raises up, so does his foot, as he goes for SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! Leon catches the boot and throws it down, only for Malibu to follow up with a discus clothesline, which is ducked by Leon, who uses a quick go-behind and brings Zack crashing down on the back of his head with a German suplex! ONE! TWO! T-KICKOUT! COLE THERE'S more of that great counter-wrestling from these two! They know each other so well, it's tough to gain an advantage here in this contest! Leon, almost in a mimicking of his friend-slash-opponent, rolls Zack to his feet while holding onto the waistlock. Zack reaches and tries to break Leon's grip, but when he's unable to do that, he fires back a pair of elbows, then uses a go-behind of his own, but as he does Leon drops to the mat, kicks his legs up, and hooks them around Zack's arms, pulling him down into a cradle rollup! ONE! TWO! TH-NO! COACH Close call there, Mikey Cole! As both scramble back up, Leon grabs Zack by the wrist and shoots him to the corner, then charges in and hits his own patented Superman Spear, knocking the wind out of the former World Champion! The New-Age Love Machine then leads the other half of The Usual Suspects out of the corner and shoots him into the ropes, then somersaults towards him before popping up and nailing Zack with a hard lariat that puts him down! COLE A Superman Spear-Shack Attack combo, and Leon Rodez is heating things up on HeldDOWN~! Groggy, Malibu crawls towards the ropes, but Leon grabs him and hits a scoop slam, setting Zack up near one of the corners. Leon turns and starts climbing the ropes, but before he can set himself, Zack pops up and manuevers under Leon, putting the Grand Rapids Golden Child on his shoulders! Zack steps back from the corner, but before he can be dropped involuntarily, Leon spins himself into a sunset flip, bringing Zack down into a pin attempt that Leon himself breaks, as he switches gears and tries for a Liontamer! COLE If he turns him over, this could be it! COACH I don't know, Mikey...Leon didn't really target the legs much, and you know that Zacky boy has a ton of leg strength! COLE Coach, you're on a roll with the facts tonight...however even if it doesn't get the win, it could weaken Zack's legs enough to cut a lot of his offense out of the playbook! Zack won't keep still, fighting from being turned over, until finally, Leon manages to roll Zack over into his trademark submission! Some fans roar, some boo, as the crowd is conflicted watching two of their most beloved go at it in the main event tonight, while Zack Malibu struggles to free himself from the hold! COLE The ropes aren't too far away, if Zack can just get to them he can get the break! COACH How much will it take out of him though, Cole? They've been going at it for a while now, not to mention the job of weakening Zack the Liontamer is doing right now! Zack squirms, as Leon desperately tries to keep hold...but after a few moments of flailing, Zack is just barely able to grab onto the bottom rope. Referee Robinson immediately calls for a break, and gets it, as Leon isn't about to abuse the rulebook, and certainly not against one of his best friends. Zack uses the ropes to pull himself up to his feet, and Leon actually gives him the space to do so...but when Zack turns around, he's rocked with an inverted atomic drop! Leon puts Zack in his clutches and goes for his STO backbreaker, but Zack drives the point of his elbow into the side of Leon's head, then sends him hard into the corner, and follows up immediately with a ZACK ATTACK II, driving both of his knees into Leon's chest...and as Malibu lands back on his feet, he limps slightly, visibly worn a bit from the Liontamer mere moments ago! Malibu then blasts Leon with a European uppercut while he's slumped against the turnbuckles, then sets him up on the top rope. Malibu climbs up the ropes, but Leon still has enough strength to club Zack in the ribs and shove him off, sending Zack crashing back-first to the canvas! With the wind knocked out of him, Zack has nowhere to go, as Leon perches himself up on the top rope and leaps off, rotating his body in the air before coming down hard...ON THE MAT! ZACK MALIBU AVOIDS THE 450 SPLASH! COACH I give it an 8. The execution was perfect but the landing was a little rough. Both are groggy, and get back up to their vertical base...and Malibu pulls Leon down into a small package, rolling him up for the pin while Leon is defenseless! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! COLE A missed 450 Splash certainly jarred Leon Rodez, but not enough for Zack Malibu to get the pin! Leon kicks out, and both men are up, trading hard chops with each other, each doing their best to try and wear the other down. Leon gets the upper hand, his chops connecting faster and harder than Zack's do, finally knocking him on his back! Zack gets back up to his feet and charges, and finds himself backdropped over by Leon, leaving him looking at the lights once again! Leon goes and picks Zack up, lifting him up for a back suplex that he turns into his trademark blue thunder bomb...but at the last second, Zack counters it and takes Leon over with a rana! Leon hurries to his feet and charges blindly, going for Zack...but winds up charging into the sole of his boot, as Zack connects with a School's Out that drops Leon like a sack of bricks! Zack falls on top of Leon, and remembers to hook the leg, as Robinson darts in for the count! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! "Getting Away With Murder" signals the victory, as does the raising of Zack's hand by Charles Robinson. Exhausted, Malibu salutes the crowd that is egging him on, as he paces the ring, taking a few deep breaths after having just exhausted himself against one of the OAOAST's best. As Robinson tends to Leon, helping him up, Zack comes over and gives him a hand. When the dizzy Rodez is up to his feet, Malibu gives him a handshake and an embrace, drawing another loud pop from the crowd for their show of sportsmanship. COLE Bohemoth knew that by putting one of Zack's friends in front of him it might be a tougher obstacle for him to overcome, and Leon certainly gave Zack the fight of his life tonight. Still, both Zack and Bo chalk up another win for each of their records, as the little competition is still neck and neck! COACH The path back to the World Title, or in Bo's case the path to his first World Championship is going to be a rocky road, but what an effort from both of these guys, as well as their opponents tonight. Leon raises Zack's hand, motioning for the crowd to show respect for his friend and former tag partner. Zack thanks Leon for his courtesy, and then the two exit the ring, both heading towards the back for some rest and relaxation after an amazing contest. COLE The poison's were picked tonight, but victory was the andidote for both Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. What else lays in store for Zack and Bo, as well as the rest of the OAOAST as we head towards Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble? Tune in next week to find out. Until then, I'm Michael Cole, for the Coach, signing off! FADE OUT

PRESENTS ~THE LOOK OF LOVE~ Starring: Krista Isadora Duncan Terry Taylor AND THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN CORI VIRGINA MONTANA NERDLY TORI CLAUDETTE MADISON NERDLY MINDY NERDLY SHYANNE WALLACE MARIANNE NERDLY and TONY TOURETTES The show opens inside the confessional room with Krista Isadora Duncan reclining against one of the plush leather chairs. KRISTA (looking off screen) Hey, someone tell butler to tell gardener to stay the h-e double hockey sticks out of the kitchen! If he wants a snack he can root around in the garbage for kibbles n bits like Terry Taylor! Jennifer Love Hewitt, are we filming this? Well, American citizens, and unnaturalized illegal immigrants watching from a five inch black and white TV in my unheated basement, get back to folding my table clothes you lazy pack hunting tree monkey savages! Ahem. Welcome to the Look Of Love. Its great to have you all back with the show so rich in poignancy and filthy in educational value that it makes Kent Burns' recent documentary The War look like an episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN! Ah, what a greasy shitstain that show is on the underwear of low rated late night cable television. Here to help me commentate on ten beautiful women scratching and clawing for the right to scratch and claw another beautiful woman is...the luckiest man on earth. You know him better as Big Snoop Dogg! While Sensual Seduction plays in the background, Snoop walks onto the scene, and takes a seat next to Krista. SNOOP Wassup ya'll, big snoop, the d-o double g, takin the dogg pound on the road, keepin it good for Long Beach City. But, ya'll bettah slide into tha real thing and kick it with the dogfather on E! Fo' my new show... KRISTA This my show, puff the magic dragon! And if Cheech doesn't shut his chong the hell up, and read directly off the teleprompter, I'll toss you off the set and replace you with Flava Flav, Chuck D, Da Brat, or any other washed rapper of your choice so fast it'll knock the weed out your blood stream. Love the necklace by the way, honey. It can't stop won't stop! Snoop its a pleasure to have you here, and not just because you bring your own rolling paper, but because you are a dear true friend, as much as a friend as a black convicted felon can possibly be to the overprivalged white daughter of a congressmen. If my brain could still send signals to my face you could see the joy in my eyes. SNOOP Its pimpin to be in the playas room where the real playas at. KRISTA Say word? SNOOP Word is bond. KRISTA Bond is word. So, last week on Grey's Anatomy.... PRODUCER (off screen) This is Look of Love! KRISTA God, I wish I was on Grey's Anatomy. Yes, so last week on The Look Of Love, my mother added another paragraph to what's now become my suicide novella, and we met the girls who are all competing for my bank account...affection. God darn it. Today, though, I want to sit down and get to know each and everyone of the girls. I don't really want to know them, the script tells me I want to. And for the three million they're paying me I'll put on a hula skirt, a coconut bra and dance on Mitt Romney's dashboard for an hour. But, right now I have to try and establish a rapport with one of these young ladies, and hold it at least until this storyline loses steam and I'm jammed into a six man tag team with The Love Doctors. Jennifer Jason Leigh! Kill me now! SNOOP You was cold kickin it live with Madison early on. KRISTA Hi, Snoop. I'm white, thirty six, and I've lived in West LA all my life. The only time I've been to Compton is when my dad took me there to show me that black people really do exist, and that the Huxtables on TV weren't all suffering from mutation caused by overexposure to the sun. SNOOP You and Madison got along real cool. And that honey is fine, you better choose that. CUT to Krista's bedroom, where Madison is admiring the pictures on Krista's dresser. Krista simply sits on a chair, deleting text messages on her cell phone. MADISON Who's this little girl in this picture? Maya? KRISTA (looking up) Oh, that's me. MADISON How old are you in it? KRISTA Seven! I know what you're gonna say, “I didn't know they had color photos prior to the old testament!” MADISON I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say you look really cute. KRISTA Yeah, that's me, cute little pumps, cute little skirt, cute little martini, cute little illegal prescription pills. So, uh, Madison, if you don't mind me being so forward, and I hope you don't because that doesn't bode will for topless creamed corn wrestling later on, you're very attractive, what are you doing on this show? Some one should've scooped you up by now. MADISON I actually used to be married to a guy. We just got divorced a couple months back. He was an interior decorator, but he split most of his time as singing in a Chorus Line, and the other half as a dancer for the cockettes. About two months ago he fell in love with the third cockette from the left, and he left me to think of What I Did For Love. Little Chorus Line humor. I wasn't upset. Gay guy, gay girl, its only a marriage of convenience. KRISTA Right. You needed someone to remind you to use shampoo, and he needed someone who wore a bra because she had to not because it matched her clutch purse, starlight eye shadow and gucci heels for the big Liza with a Z! Show. MADISON And we both needed someone to pay the rent. The whole thing started because we were totally broke. KRISTA Yeah, marriage is like a Jesus endorsed welfare. And the reception is like food stamps. If you're broke you better log on to eharmony, and scrounge up some “It came from the swamp” looking beast to mate with. Jump on the next two dollar ditch pig that waddles its way out of Fudruckers stoned off a three pound burger and clogged arteries. That's a matter of survival, life and death. But once you get some cash don't even bother. Because that marriage is going to sour faster then America on Kelly Ripa. People always wonder why celebrities get divorced so often. Easy answer, they have money. It's hard to put up with someone else's shit when you don't need their half of the rent. Gathering her courage Madison walks closer to Krista MADISON Let me turn the tables on you now, because I have something I need to ask you? I know this is definitely skipping into dangerous psycho talker shades of Selena RIP territory, but how do you feel about having another child? KRISTA Yeah, if this was a real date I'd be telling you I have to spend the next nine months orbiting a shuttle around Neptune, and heading over to city hall to change my name to Anastasia Don't ever call me you wacked out bitch. But, you want a kid? Can we just get an Azela Topiary? They die quicker then children. Besides, we'd have to go through the whole trouble of asking a guy to donate his sperm. And forget asking a gay guy, they'll leave that gunk in every bathroom in every park and Bloomingdale's dressing room across America, but the minute you ask them to make a party in a shot glass, all of a sudden its liquid gold. Maybe, you're right. Why should cokewhores, and conservatives be the only ones having children. MADISON Don't forget Spears' sisters. KRISTA I thought that was implied in cokewhores. Madison giggles at the comment, which causes Krista to blush shyly. CUT back to Krista and Snoop in the confessional room. SNOOP But you and Tori was bout to get to dat special place only true pimps get to.... CUT to Krista and Tori shooting pool in the den. With her sleeves rolled up and her hair in a ponytail Krista is obviously more engaged in the game then Tori who's dressed like she's ready for a night on the town at Cesar's Palace. TORI My first preference is for the the baby to be lesbian, then a straight girl, then a gay boy, then god forbid a straight boy. KRISTA We'll love him none the less. TORI There could be a male piglet inside me! Get it out! Get it out! KRISTA What about bi? TORI Better then straight MUCH MUCH worse then gay. KRISTA Obviously! What about trans? TORI FTM top of the list, MTF right above gay male. KRISTA I don't know if I want a straight girl because that means a straight guys banging our daughter. I don't know how many more attempted murder charges I can possibly plead down to first degree assault. My lawyer's Jewish, but he ain't that Jewish. TORI Point taken. Bottom of the list. CUT back to Krista and Snoop in Confessional room. KRISTA Nah, Madison was the best. That's the closest I've gotten to a Canadian since my mom mistook john candy for her wet nurse and asked him to breast feed me. CUT back to the bedroom. Maidson finds Krista too hard to resist, and soon enough she has a leg swung over her thighs, easing her ass onto the model's lap while straddling her hips as she was seated in the chair. Too much, Madison sighes, its too much and too good. She finds her fingers loosening the buttons of Krista's shirt as their tongues entwine in a heated dance of slow pleasure. Madison reveals inch after inch of tanned neckline and shoulders as she pushes the garment down her lover's arms and the glorious rise of her breasts. KRISTA (V.O.) I got more O's from Madison then a box of Cheerios. “I was sealing the deal, I was ending the show on the very first episode. It was me, Krista, bridal shower, wedding, flannel gowns of course, that's our national color, total vegan reception, then maybe for our honey moon we could've chained ourselves to an endangered oak tree in a British Columbia lumber town. And then Mindy came along. Mindy, like she always does, comes along and shoots it all to hell.” CUT back to the bedroom, where Mindy Nerdly storms through the door, looking shocked and angered to see Madison sitting on Krista's lap. KRISTA Mildred! MINDY NERDLY Its Mindy. KRISTA Honey, you say tomato, I say.....vodka. MINDY Do you mind if we talk for a second? KRISTA Ya know, I'm kinda in the middle of having my belief in god reaffirmed. And I'm not too comfortable with you just barraging in, especially without copious amounts of hard liquor, but then again I'm not comfortable with Terry Taylor on my lawn in a zebra print thong and that happens every Friday morning. So, yeah, what the hell? CUT to the third floor balcony where Mindy and Krista can see all the way back to the gorgeous sight of the pacific ocean. DONT YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN LOS ANGELES?! KRISTA (voice over) Dragged all across the house with no regards for my feelings by a pushy old blond with sagging tits, and an annoying voice. Hey, now I know what's its like to date Celine Dion! KRISTA (looking disgustedly at the house across the way) You pulled me away from the hottest stripper VH1's money can buy just so I can see Kevin Bacon doing the footloose dance again? You win one golden globe award and all of a sudden you're entitled to a lifetime of dancing bare ass naked without the blinds closed. I'm gonna be so mad when my mood elevators were off! MINDY Not that. KRISTA I'd beg like a gypsy at Greyhound Bus Stop for him to invest 3.99 in a Bic Razor. MINDY Krista, focus. I need to talk to you about my sisters, and what they're doing to you. They're giving you a false impression that somehow a life with them is a life of unending pleasure and happiness.... KRISTA Or in Madison's case three minutes of the greatest boob tease known to woman. MINDY What I'm trying to say is that I just got out of a twelve year relationship with the woman who was supposed to be the love of my life. I know what its like to get hurt. They don't. The most Madison has ever had is a restraining order from the Detroit Shock. And Montana? She thinks she's god gift to lesbians. If thats true then god shops at the Newark Airport. Marianne... MARIANNE NERDLY (o.s) You're as simple as that dress, Mindy! Don't tell your lies on me! Marianne Nerdly alks onto the balcony, giving Krista a beer and Mindy a nasty stare. MINDY Got something to say? KRISTA That movie came out in 1984, Bacon! Do you still see Mr.T pitying fools or Vicki Lawrence doing Mama from Mama's Family...damn, terrible examples. MARIANNE Yeah, I do. Krista is the love of my life! MINDY You said that each Destiny's Child member ago. MARIANNE Don't compare a brief infatuation with Beyonce to my lifetime of love for Krista Isadora Duncan. I can't believe my own sisters are on this show, trying to steal away my love. I need to talk to Molly. The sister who doesn't try to sleep with my girlfriend. MINDY She's not your girlfriend! MARIANNE Yet! CUT back to Krista and Snoop in Confessional room. SNOOP Good lord, a pack of cigs, a butch gym teacher to dyke me out, and a pregnancy scare and this could be highschool. KRISTA Uh, you're reading off my prompter again. SNOOP Mah bad. What I meant was, dope sheezy on da reeazy, naw what I'm sayin? KRISTA You know, after seeing them bicker , I thought to myself "Krista, you gorgeous piece of ass, who are you but a sultry godess of mind and beauty, to come between the bond of two sisters? If you were as moralistic as you were hot, you'd cancel this show right away, and allow peace to take shape in the Nerdly family." Then I had three shots of gin, half a bottle of pills and I was back to sensible thinking Krista. Its scary not having alcohol to blame your actions on! SNOOP Tell 'em a lil bit bout all dat cookin you made dem girls do. You had them girls workin like plantation days. I thought I was gonna have to whip out the proclamation if you didn't stop. KRISTA Ohhhhh yeah, right. The cooking. One of the things that AIix used to do was spend half my fortune on constructing a time machine out of paper mache and DVD covers from Kirstin Dunst movies, god I miss Crazy Beautiful. One of the other things she used to do is cook. Very well. She is a professional chef after all. So I asked the girls if they knew how to cook. Now, I don't eat that much, but its nice to have something to wash down the daily thoughts of suicide with. Let's just say the results were as negative as Terry's test for HIV. TERRY TAYLOR Whoo-hooo! CUT TO Madison and Krista in the kitchen. MONTANA You want me to do what? You want me to cook for you? Is this.... KRISTA Look or Love or is this Top Chef, because if its the later you want the fat Philipino lez with Luke Walton's haircut. Honey, you can't one up me in the joke department. But what you can do is one up me in the kitchen, because the last time I tried to do so much as microwave ravioli, I started a teensy little fire. You may have seen bird eye views of it engulfing half of LA County on CNN. MONTANA I don't know. I want to be your girlfriend, your soul mate, not your personal slave. KRISTA I often ask people around me to do different things. Cooks sometimes clean. Maids sometimes cook. Daughters sometimes provide alibis to the feds. Joking, Maya is an awful liar. Anyway, if you live in the castle, you have to serve the wicked witch of the west. MONTANA Hmmm....Let me explain this in terms you can better understand. Montana opens a cookie jar and pulls out mini bottles of tequila, gin, vodka and scotch. Yes I did say cookie jar. MONTANA I'm tequila. KRISTA Ooooh, honey, I like this already! MONTANA These are my friends, gin, vodka, and scotch. Hello Krista! KRISTA Hi kids! Mommy loves ya! MONTANA You've got an emergency, you want a bloody mary, you afford yourself a thimble of tomato juice, who you gonna call. Me tequila? KRISTA No! MONTANA Gin? Scotch? KRISTA Well, this is crazy talk, woman! I want my vodka, honey, and I want it now! MONTANA Exactly! KRISTA (nodding knowingly) Okay, I get it now, you're coming in loud and clear, Montana Max! JUMP CUT, Montana's in the kitchen after all, cooking for Krista. The better term would be cooking with Krista, as she stands with her body pressed against Krista's holding her arm, helping her stir a salad. Virgina sits on the counter, not looking overly enthused by the proceedings. MONTANA You have to treat the salad like a lover when you stir it. Gentle, tender, carefully and rough only when it wants you to be rough. Are you getting it? KRISTA (fanning herself) Oh, honey, I'm getting something. VIRGINA That's not much of a salad. Where's the arugala, the raddicchio, where's the Rawanda? KRISTA One of those isn't a salad ingredient so much as a warn torn country in Africa VIRGINA Duh I sponsored a poor kid in raddicchio! MONTANA The salad is done the rissotto is cooking. Let's talk wine? Do you have any preferences? KRISTA Honey, I'd suck the alcohol straight out of a deodorant stick. In fact I have sucked the alcohol straight out of a deodorant stick. MONTANA Yeah, but that was in darker days past. Years ago I bet. KRISTA It was Tuesday. MONTANA Oh. Krista pulls a bottle of wine out of the refrigerator and prepares to pour it into three glasses. KRISTA Oh darn I spilled it all over my sweater MONTANA No you didn't. KRISTA No, but I made you look. Krista jiggles her chest in Montana's face, gaining quite the smile from the Nerdly girl. CUT to Snoop and Krista in the confessional room. KRISTA Were your eyes glued to that? I'd call that the Duncan women charm but my mom just called me three hours before filming "Kristah, my dahling little lipstick bulldyke, the only way I can get your pennypinching shitheel of a father to touch me is to shove the remote down my pants. Even then he's designed some sort of method to get it out with a fishing rod." So, I guess social science textbooks in unverisites every where will call it, the Krista Charm. Or, as my accounted so crudely called it "You spent fifteen thousand dollars on a boob job." No, toys for tots did, they just don't know it yet. SNOOP That's dat west coast gangsta shit we always on out here in Cali. We warn ya, we gonna bomb on ya. And we got a real life gangsta bitch in Shyanne Wallace. A true sister down for the LA County hood from birth to death. You run mouth that girl'll put you in the ground right here. KRISTA That girl is mad all the time. When an alarm clock goes off most people hit the snooze button she hits the beat your ho ass down button. She wakes up mad at seven o'clock in the morning. Wait a minute, baby, you're angry at breakfast? You don't have to do a drive by on that little white rabbit, he's just silly, he's didn't know those Trix were for kids! Take that pistol out the leperchauns mouth and get your own lucky charms. SNOOP You'd date someone like that? That's too raw even for the ol boss dogg. She runs a cold game. KRISTA I had my bad girl phase back in college where commitment meant getting listed for conjugal visits. My idea of speed dating meant was getting fingered while the CO wasn't looking! So I am ba-ba-bad, bad to the bone! CUT to Shyanne Wallace in the kitchen with Tony Tourettes. Krista sits on the counter while the two angrily rummage thorough the cabinets to find something to cook. SHYANNE (staring at the cabinets in disgust) What the fuck is this? Frosted Flakes? Lucky Charms? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? This for a welfare pimps! Where's the powder, the hydro? Where's the white lightning, where's sippin syzurp? Motherfuckin shit, all I wanted was to get my wig busted up on some juice and watch The Parkers. That show gets me all x-rated. Yo, Krista how about you come over here and eat this ten thousand dolla coochie like a ten dolla hood wash? I ain't wearin any underwear, girl. You hear me? Personally I like getting' my f on like hockey, a real fast ride, while I'm getting my head smashed against glass, my body wacked with sticks, and at the end I'm bruised, bloody and drippin' wet. KRISTA SHYANNE The president is pimpin the nation, the preacher's pimpin the congregation, how the fuck am I supposed to pimp the stove top when I gots no cooking skills. Somebody needs to hit me some grub steak and put a five on some bubonic chronic. You makin them cracka dykes do this, Kris? Doubt that. Naw you thinkin of collecting the dots from them white bitches ain't you? Ain't you? Ain't you? TONY (stomping on a box of Lucky Charms) Fuck dem stuck up white bitches! Fuck em up and down and all around on they pink devil face! Stomp and spit on they motherfuckin ass till they beg god for mercy! Beat them up with broken broom handles till they ain't nothing left but black and blue! 'Cause I hate dem white bitches, 'cause there ain't no thing like sucking my big fat ass while sipping Hennessy! You feel me now? You feel me now, fuck face! KRISTA KRISTA (V.O.) KRISTA+SHYANNE=ACESSORY TO MURDER. But Krista+CORI=Bombing of federal buildings! CUT TO Krista leaning against the counter chatting with Cori, while Cori prepares shrimp gumbo... KRISTA So, wait, you'd really vote Giuliani? Honestly? I don't know if I can date a republican, I already got attended a Garth Brooks concert, and likes watching Meg Ryan movies on my resume to hell. These are chief of the dark realm's human resources department qualifications you're pushing on me. CORI (proudly) Actually, I happen to be a Neo-Libertarian. KRISTA Ah! What? That's even worse! Why even bother going to the polls? Why don't you just cast your vote for Tila Tequila, I heard her platform on gun control is the revolutionary kick in the pants this country has been longing for. Cori drops her stirring spoon and stares at Krista in rage. CORI Just the kind of boorish statement I'd expect from a willing slave to the fascist two party quasi-directorship this country is mired in. To afraid to pick up a gun and pursue real liberties so you defend those that withhold it. I'll have you know, we Libertarians have made great strides in increasing the overall awareness of our beliefs in society. KRISTA Whopdie freaking shit! So have the Daughters of The Revolution in support of Bestiality, but that doesn't mean Wilbur Post and Mr.Ed are going to be a presidential ticket any time soon! I can't believe it, we turned down one of the Spice Girls for you. Ya know what? That's it you're the first elimination! CORI Come again? KRISTA I doubt you could make me come once. You don't give me the look of love, you give me the look of oh my god I think the reincarnation of Timothy McVeigh is in my very house and I'm scared sober. You gotta go! CORI Because I'm a libertarian? That's just crazy. KRISTA And you're fat! And what's with that hair? It looks like you've got both mouse and squirrel in there! There aren't enough queer eyes for the queer girl to make that look less like a tumble weed. Every time I look at you, all I wanna do is hum the Good the bad and the ugly. WAAH WAAH WAAH WAAH. And I'm afraid we might get bombarded by Captain Jack Sparrow or Captain Hook or whatever pirate you stole that blouse from! CORI This isn't right. Isn't the elimination supposed to be more formal then this? KRISTA Does this look like the democracy you and the rest of your wacked unibombers want to blow up to you? Buh-bye, time to back to go back your little one bed room apartment on the corner of urine and crime spree. Aurevoir! CUT to Snoop and Krista in the confessional room. KRISTA (singing) See you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely, see you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely. Am I gonna miss everybody, and I'm gonna miss everybody, and I'm gonna miss everybody. SNOOP That bitches soul gonna be burnin' slow all year long. Cori didn't even know what hit her. One two three, lights out for home girl. First round knock out, she ain't never gonna come to. It aint safe to leave house when Krista Isadora Duncan round, one time and Krista quick to lay one your first. KRISTA That's right kids, I left the vulgar, apparently, misogynistic, self racist, grossly overweight, mentally handicapped, man on the show instead of reasonably attractive, very intelligent, woman all because she's a Libertarian. Does that make sense to be a Libertarian? Its like rooting for the Clippers for any other reason besides the fact that god hates you. It one hundred percent devoid of sanity! Regardless, Snoop thanks so much, its been a pleasure as always. America, provided you aren't currently lathering your little snoop dogg in baby oil and lotion at this moment, I'd say its been pleasure also. Make sure you watch next week because contractual obligations bound me to actually wrestle one of those match thingies in the OAOAST. Yeah, I know that sucks. But, we get to see just how the girls handle the boring as shit world of the OAOAST. My guess is the same as everyone else, by sighing softly and wishing Will and Grace was still on the air. Bye! NEXT WEEK TRIAL BY FIRE The girls get their first taste of the OAOAST NEXT WEEK The Look Of Love We immediately switch to the live backstage area where Molly Nerdly is sipping on champagne over a victory she had nothing to do with. Her celebration gets one extra member when she bumps into Mackenzie. MOLLY Ahoy Ahoy! MACKENZIE Stop saying that, please. MOLLY Its terribly fun, though. MACKENZIE If you're eight or live and die by every minor joke made by Mister Burns on a decade old Simpsons episode. MOLLY That's me! What's your opinion on The Look Of Love. You have to be rightly annoyed by it, I expect. MACKENZIE Why should I be annoyed? Your sisters are doing my job for me! They're keeping Krista far, far away from Alix, and I love them for it. Krista's time and attention is totally preoccupied with all those women. That's just perfect for me. Maybe I should find a hundred more bimbos to fall on top of themselves for LA's town drunk. MOLLY Not so perfect, my friend. Not so perfect at all. If anything Krista is a bigger problem now. My sisters are making the threat of Krista even worse for you. MACKENZIE How so? MOLLY Easily, Alix sees Krista having fun with those women, living her life, enjoying herself and basically getting over her. Alix in turn feels gutted, terrible that Krista isn't mopping around, still unable to pull herself together because she misses her so much. Alix then remembers all the wonderful times they shared together, memories you haven't been around long enough to eclipse. Alix becomes jealous of the look of love girls and all the women who pursue Krista. Alix decides she wants Krista back, and that those other women can't have her. Alix tells you, I need some closure with Krista. Eight months later she and Krista are still getting closure, and you're all alone, with a stable you've pretty much turned your back on. MACKENZIE (voice shaking in dismay) Alix has no feelings for Krista. MOLLY They've known each other for over twelve years. The attraction switch doesn't just get flipped off after one night of passion with Mackenzie DeCenzo. As a friend, a dear sweet friend who needs dramatic tales of heartwrenching reality for her documentary film class, I'm telling you to stay alert. Molly leaves Mackenzie to contemplate what she's just said. Mackenzie simply stares off in the distance, distressed by the words of warning. COMING UP NEXT FRIEND IS A FOUR LETTER WORD LEON RODEZ VS ZACK MALIBU NEXT

COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, folks. Earlier tonight we saw The Rockers advance through the Anderson Cup with a solid victory over The South Central Militia, and The Enterprise severely weaken Rescue 911's chances against them next week with Alix's drubbing of Bosley and Cash. And up next, the Anderson Cup continues... Waiting in the wings, we see Faqu and James Blonde talking things over with Nathaniel Black. COLE ...from the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, it'll be D*LUX to take on Faqu and Ja.... Suddenly, Cole trails off, as do the trio of Internationally Known as LANDON MADDIX and MEGAN SKYE walk into shot. Faqu eyes the two as Landon raises his eyebrows towards Black. MADDIX All ready to go? BLACK Yeh, you bet. MADDIX Good, good. Good luck out there guys and once again, thanks for your help last week. It's heart-warming to know there's still people willing to help each other out in the world. (to Black) Speaking of which, have you had any more thought about our little 'proposal'? Black turns to Blonde, who in return smiles. BLACK Well, if it's gonna be to our mutual benefit, then we might be int'rsted. With a little chuckle, Landon wraps an arm around Megan's shoulders and they walk off. MADDIX Watch this space guys. COLE ...uhm, as we said, D*LUX to face Faqu and James Blonde in the Anderson Cup... next. COMMERCIAL BREAK We return to the ring right on time, as Faqu and James Blonde have made their way out during the commercial and are just making their way inside the squared circle. SCHIAVONE Hello again everybody. Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura coming to you from our Syndicated broadcast position here amongst the people of San Antonio, Texas! And it's our privilege to call this next contest. First Round action in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, arguably the toughest conference in this year's Anderson Cup. Not just last year's winners Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright involved, but also now The Sooner Bruisers. VENTURA That's right. But what about what we just saw Schiavone? An intriguing conversation between the members of Internationally Known and Landon Maddix, to say the least. SCHIAVONE You never know what Landon Maddix could be plotting. As for right now though, we've got action on the way, let's take it to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall! Introducing team number one. Total combined weight, five hundred, nine pounds. The number five seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... representing Internationally Known... "THE MOVER FROM VANCOUVER" JJAAAAAAAMMEEEEEESSSS BBLLLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEE... and, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL"... FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SCHIAVONE The Anderson Cup seedings have paired off two real sleeper teams in this year's competition. James Blonde and Faqu, Jesse, have amassed quite a good win-loss record since the acquisition of HI-YAH Promotions by the OAOAST, but find themselves as number five seeds which I know they were unhappy with. VENTURA Ah, I see. Trying to corner me, are we? SCHIAVONE No, I'm just stati... VENTURA I've got nothing but respect for these two guys. We've seen them a few times and they've always looked impressive. But Anderson Cup rankings, we at the committee try to go on the basis of the entire year's performance and for the first half of it, they were either in Japan or on the verge of breaking up. They've still got plenty to prove. But I gotta say, I'm backing them to do just that. Blonde whispers away in the ear of Faqu while they wait on their opponents. They needn't wait too much longer though as "Makes Me Wonder" is finally cued up. Springing from the back, the co-holders of the Six-Man Tag Team Champions are led out by their tag team partner's sister, D*LUX showing off their '6' plated belts with show-stopping smiles on their faces. Jade Rodez then points her charges to the ring, Tyler and Shayne hand-slapping their way down as ever. BUFFER And their opponents! Accompanied to the ring by their manager, Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy nine pounds... the number four seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference and two-thirds of the reigning OAOAST World Six-Man Tag Team Champions, Love Generation... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A typically warm reaction greets D*LUX as they give Jade the helping hands up onto the apron and hold the ropes open for him, ever the gentlemen. Shayne and Tyler then jump in and go about working the crowd again, Jade more concerned with the snorting Faqu looking at her from across the ring. SCHIAVONE Now here's a team who many say are mis-ranked in this year's competition. The Most Underrated Wrestlers Of The Year according to our Angle Award correspondents, maybe their number four seeding supports that. VENTURA Look what is this, the spanish inquisition!? SCHIAVONE Not at all. But some peo... VENTURA Much more outta you Schiavone and I might just have to ask my good friend Tony Brannigan to give you an attitude adjustment, if you catch my drift! Having done their duty with the crowd, Shayne and Tyler now get set for action as they remove their red denim jackets and title belts. Jade takes care of all those accessories, wishing her team the best as she leaves the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE And the opening bell sounds. VENTURA That might not just be the opening bell, that might just be the FEEDING bell! Smiling broadly, Blonde steps onto the apron and pats Faqu on the shoulder encouragingly. The big Samoan breathes heavily as he watches D*LUX from across the ring trying to decide who's going to start. A game of rock, paper, scissors comes up on the short side for Shayne Brave who finds himself up against the beast. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" The fans show their support for Shayne, giving him a little more encouragement. False encouragement perhaps, as although he lands the first blows on Faqu, the big Samoan simply shrugs them off and shoves Shayne to the mat! Boos ring out as Faqu beats his chest primitively, further unnerving "Showtime" Shayne. Pulling himself up, Shayne nervously inches back towards Faqu but opts out of a lock-up and backs into his corner to collect himself. VENTURA I'm not so sure Brave knows what to do with the mammoth of a man across the ring from him. I'd suggest hit and move, but would hitting Faqu even do anything? After some words of encouragement from Tyler and from Jade, Shayne tries again and inches back over. As he gets into Faqu's lair though he hesitates a second too long, allowing Faqu to kick him in the gut. A hard slap to the back drops Shayne, arching his back... even more so, when Faqu slices across his flesh with a BACKRAKE!! VENTURA Haha! Now that's one of my favourite moves Schiavone! A good old fashioned rake of the back! Faqu follows the pained Shayne into the ropes and spins him around, throwing him away and into the ropes. Back rebounds Shayne, to rebound off of Faqu like a rubber ball as he throws a shoulder block. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE No contest right there. Faqu outweighs Shayne by a good hundred and twenty pounds. VENTURA That's almost a full third of you! Enticing the crowd, Blonde walks down the apron gloating as Shayne groggily sits up. Faqu stalks over towards him, picking him back up by the head and taking him over to his team's corner. A blatant choke is applied by Faqu while Blonde swaggers back over and tags himself back in. The referee changing his count from a five for the choke to a five to get out of the ring gives Faqu a couple of extra seconds to choke away, before he releases and glares at the ref. Blonde takes over on Shayne, laying in a couple of boots before snapmaring him to the canvas and dropping a knee. Leg hook, cover... 1... 2... No. Blonde bundles Shayne back into the corner, tagging Faqu right back into the match. The Samoan Wrecking Ball stomps away at the midsection of Shayne until the referee demands a break, turning and stalking the ref which allows Blonde to sneakily strike Brave in the back of the head. SCHIAVONE Cheapshot by Blonde right there. Notice, he came in, dropped one knee and then quickly got back out. VENTURA Well that's smart. If you've got a partner like Faqu you're gonna want him in the ring to do the damage. You're also gonna want to have your wits about you when he's done it, so you can get on with finishing your opponent off. Hands in the air, the innocent James Blonde stands back and watches as Faqu pulls Shayne out of the corner. But he has second thoughts and pushes Shayne right back in before backing away. Faqu powers up, lining up his prey before he comes charging... and MISSES, as Shayne rolls out of the way! Hitting the turnbuckles sternum first, Faqu ignores his partner and turns around, just as Shayne makes the tag out to Tyler! Jumping into the ring, the fresh D*LUXer beat Faqu to the punch, literally, with a right hand. Another. And another. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Tyler tries a knifedge chop as Faqu staggers a little. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second chop when Faqu gives him a piercing look back. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" FAQU WAAAAAA!! VENTURA No effect! *SLAP!* "OOOOOOOOHHHH!" SCHIAVONE And ONE big chop from Faqu drops Tyler Bryant! Jade looks understandably concerned while checking on Shayne. Quickly calling for the tag, Blonde gets it and jumps Tyler on his way up. Irish whip sends Tyler from corner to corner, Blonde following right in behind The Tremendous One with a clothesline. He hangs on and grabs a headlock, looking for the follow-up bulldog, but a firm hand in the back from Tyler pushes him off. Underneath a clothesline goes Blonde, then forced underneath a leapfrog, coming back off the ropes again and getting caught with a Powerslam! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" 1... 2... No! A boot catches Blonde on his way up, but he manages to reverse an irish whip and elbow Tyler in the face. With Tyler dazed, Blonde then springs up with an Enzigu... DUCKED! Blonde misses the mark and gets caught in a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! Side headlock applied by Tyler. Fighting to his feet, Blonde reaches out for a tag but narrowly misses as Faqu is a little slow to react. Instead Tyler takes Blonde across the ring and drives him face first into the mat with a Bulldog of his own! JADE WHOOOO! SCHIAVONE And Jade Rodez feeling a lot happier all of a sudden. VENTURA Yeah, now that Faqu's out of the ring. They better not get too overconfident though. Stepping out of the ring, Tyler climbs the turnbuckles, heading for the top. Blonde staggers to his feet and freezes for a second as he sees the boyband sensation giving his fans a last salute and soaring off the top and towards him with a high crossbody block... ...but he manages to come to his senses, just in time to step back and guide Tyler down across an outstretched knee with a gutbuster!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler lets out a loud groan, holding his stomach. Worse is yet to come as Blonde then flattens him with a double stomp to the spine! VENTURA See! What did I tell ya? Flipping Tyler over, Blonde pins him down... 1... ...and no more, Tyler quickly kicking out, mainly because of the pain the simple lateral press was putting on him. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The chants grow noticeably fainter as Faqu is tagged back in for the number five seeds. Blonde calling the shots, Faqu delivers a hard stomp with his bare foot direct to the chest. With a wave of the hands, The Samoan Wrecking Ball then delivers a falling headbutt to the gut, feeling like a bowling ball getting dropped from above to Tyler Bryant. Seeing the pain Tyler's in, Faqu makes a lateral press... 1... 2... Kickout! Poor referee Marty Ellias is sent scurrying as Faqu is, shall we say, less than pleased with the count. Blonde rightly gets on Faqu to "stay on him" though and the Samoan does just that, applying a Bearhug on Tyler. SCHIAVONE And now Faqu just trying to wear Tyler down. VENTURA A smart move on Faqu's part. SCHIAVONE You kinda have to wonder with Faqu, what the situation is in his head. He's a former HI-YAH World Champion. And he's changed a heck of a lot since then. VENTURA He's definately smarter than he looks. That's no ordinary savage. The fans clap their support out for Tyler, led by Jade Rodez from the floor. Drawing on that support Tyler starts to try and fight the squeeze. Getting enough energy up, he nails Faqu with a right hand to the temple. A second right hand. And a third, only slightly bothering Faqu before he squeezes up on the Bearhug again. So with the fists not working, Tyler goes to the tried and tested bearhug escape method. Yep. The earclap! SCHIAVONE That'll ring your bell, no matter who you are! Another double earclap has Faqu looking a little woozy, Tyler getting somewhere finally. However he already knows the right hands aren't working. Leaving him to go with Plan C; stomping on Faqu's bare foot! VENTURA Now come on! SCHIAVONE That's the major disadvantage to not wearing boots. Pretty much the only disadvantage. But a big one. That succeeds in breaking the bearhug, allowing Tyler to swoop behind with the Phantom Neckbreaker!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Up starts the clapping again as Tyler rolls over in search of his corner. Shayne swallows his fear and holds out an arm for a tag, despite the fact Faqu is sitting up ready to fight again. With a quick shuffle to the side, Tyler grabs a hold of the bottom rope and uses it to shimmy down the apron, a quicker route to the HOT TAG as Faqu closes in on him! SCHIAVONE TAG! Slingshotting himself in, Shayne catches Faqu with a boot to the chest to knock him out of his way. Shayne quickly runs Blonde off the apron just incase, before sprinting back at Faqu. Clothesline from The Samoan Wrecking Ball misses, Shayne hitting the ropes and connecting with a flying forearm. Faqu stumbles but doesn't go down, so Shayne tries it again. Again Faqu doesn't fall off his feet though. Beginning to panic, Shayne quickly rushes back to his corner and jumps to the middle rope, followed in by Faqu but ready for him with a boot to the face. Shayne then hooks the head and launches with a Tornado DDT... ...which doesn't look too promising... ...until James Blonde comes back into the ring to try and help out. Shayne gets an extra push off of Blonde (or, more specifically, Blonde's face), allowing him to turn Faqu around and drop him with the DDT! SCHIAVONE A little improvisation from "Showtime"! Shayne dives on top of Faqu, trying to hook a leg... 1... 2... POWERFUL kickout! Shayne backs towards Blonde, but is saved by Tyler Bryant coming back into the match and knocking the Canadian down with a clothesline. After seeing him out of the ring, D*LUX turn their attentions back to Faqu. A double boot catches the Samoan in the gut and sets him up for a double irish whip... or, so they think, until Faqu sets and refuses to go. D*LUX quickly abandon that idea then, booting him again and peeling off. Shayne in the front, Tyler around the back, sandwiching Faqu's head with a Dropkick/Enziguri combo! SCHIAVONE Wow, big shot there to the head, but Faqu is still up. VENTURA Barely. Joining hands, the boybanders put Faqu through the ropes with a double clothesline. Again D*LUX peel off as this time they hit the ropes, crossing in mid-ring... ...AND HITTING STEREO SUICIDE DIVES ON FAQU AND BLONDE AT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE RING!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Jade jumps for joy as both Tyler and Shayne are first to their feet, firing up the fans. SCHIAVONE Stereo dives from D*LUX to bring this San Antonio crowd to their feet! D*LUX were Flying Without Wings on that one! For the first time in the match, the tag team specialists are beginning to use their teamwork and sure enough, it's working for them! With a little cross-ring communication, D*LUX decide to throw James Blonde back in to concentrate on. No prizes for guessing why. Blonde finds himself penned in the middle of Shayne and Tyler, doing the only sensible thing in that situation, dropping to his knees and pleading for his life. Shrugging towards each other, D*LUX pull Blonde up and take an arm and a leg each, droppin the pleading Canadian across the knees with the Cowell Movement! And as Blonde sits on his knees holding his ribs, off the ropes come Shayne and Tyler... ...Shayne pulled from the ring by Faqu, as Tyler hits a solo dropkick to the side of the head! VENTURA Uh-oh. I think they made Faqu mad, which will not end well. As Faqu stalks after Shayne on the floor, Tyler tries to profit with a cover on Blonde... 1... 2... NO! It's chaos on the outside, cameramen and valets (well, one, Jade) dodging out of the way as Shayne reels away from a thrust to the throat. Staying cool in all of this is Tyler, as he pulls Blonde up and sets him over for the Recordbreaker. Tyler encounters a problem as Blonde falls to a knee though, blocking the move and attempting to pull the feet from underneath him. In slides Shayne at this moment, mostly to get away from Faqu but just in time to react as Blonde trips Tyler, dropkicking him in the face... ...sending Blonde back into Faqu and bumping him off the apron! As Blonde shakes his head clear Shayne charges in again. But Blonde ducks his head and backdrops "Showtime"... ...ONTO FAQU WITH A ACCIDENTAL ASSISTED SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Wow, there's bodies flying all over the place here! VENTURA No kidding, this is hard to keep up with. I don't even know who the legal man are anymore. SCHIAVONE I don't think it matters! VENTURA What sort of a comment is that? Faqu and Shayne end up piled up on the floor, Blonde looking down on all of this with his hands on his head. Turning around, he then remembers he's in a match with an opponent of his own to be concerned with... just in time to duck a superkick attempt! Falling into the ropes, Tyler quickly pushes off and runs at Blonde, only to run into a leaping Leg Lariat! BLONDE MOVE! Referee Ellias does so, just avoiding Blonde's path into the ropes for the LIONSAU... ...KNEES UP!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Again Blonde is left clutching his ribs, leaving him prone for Bryant. Hooking up the arms, Tyler turns back to back and elevates Blonde up, hovering with him for a second... ...until Blonde kicks his legs hard enough and often enough to free himself down the back! A disappointed sigh goes up as Blonde quickly grabs a waistlock, taking Tyler up and over with a German, and a bridge... 1... 2... KICKOUT! SCHIAVONE Oh, how close right there! VENTURA Just a half a second in it, but Blonde thinks it should have been three. A point he takes up with the referee, who of course sticks to his guns and says it was only two. Furious, Blonde stomps back over to Tyler, catching him in the corner with a set of stomps. An irish whip attempt is reversed though, Blonde sent crashing into the corner. As he staggers out, Tyler then dives at him with a big Spear, floating over immediately with a jacknife pin... 1... 2... SAVE BY FAQU!! SCHIAVONE The Merry Tyler Gore Show, that would have been it if not for Faqu! Raging, Faqu hooks up Tyler in the double underhook. Jade's eyes bulge and she can barely watch as Tyler is then taken up... ...AND SPIKED DOWN WITH THE DEATH BY SAMOAN (Double Underhook Piledriver)!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA Oh man! That is it! Or, it would be, if Faqu went for the pin immediately. Instead he stands back up and beats his chest... allowing Shayne Brave time to sneak into the ring and schoolboy him from behind... 1... 2... SHAYNE LAYS ALL HIS BODYWEIGHT ACROSS THE LEGS... 3!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE THAT'S THREE! D*LUX have pulled it off! VENTURA What an upset!! The crowd erupt as Shayne dives out of the ring and into the arms of a clearly relieved Jade Rodez. The duo quickly pull the limp Tyler from out of the ring and out of harm's way, as Faqu proceeds to LOSE IT as he realises what has just happened. The referee dives for cover as well, raising the hands of D*LUX before high-tailing it off down the aisle. BUFFER Your winners of the bout, advancing on in the 2008 Anderson Cup... are D*LLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" SCHIAVONE Jesse, I have to agree with you on that call, you can only call that an upset in the context of the match! It looked like Faqu and Blonde had the match won, but Faqu took his eye off the prize a second too long and it cost him! It's cost him big, because D*LUX advance and Faqu and Blonde do not! As Tyler is helped to the back by his team-mate and manager, the raging Faqu continues to stalk around the ring like a madman. Even James Blonde struggles to calm the Samoan Wrecking Ball down, kicking at the ropes and taking a swipe at a cameraman outside the ring! VENTURA Boy am I glad we're up here! SCHIAVONE You're not kidding. We might need numbers to get Faqu out of here... uh, thankfully, I'm being told we can show you the next instalment of the Look Of Love in association with VH1 right now. While we try and maintain order out here, let's go to that. One woman will be eliminated tonight, who's it going to be?

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Krista Isadora Duncan presents Briel Milano Watches-touch feel briel I was lost And I'm still lost But I feel So much better Cause now I know It's not so far To were I go The hardest part is inside me I need to Just be To just be To just be To just be YEAAAA... Amidst the raucous blitz of cheers and applause that come with anticipation for Alix's arrival, a strange sight rests beneath the roving pink and red spotlights of the entryway. Brought on by a moving platform, is school house setting, fashioned with a teacher's desk, and a glitzy chalkboard, lined with a series of neon bulbs. Situated behind the desk, comfortably reclined in a swivel chair is Mackenzie DeCenzo, outfitted in chic glittering silver evening gown. Through steel rimmed glasses, the “teacher's” blue eyes feast upon her favorite student, Alix Maria Spezia. Resting behind a pair of star patterned gogoboots, her statuesque golden brown legs stand atop the desk, inviting Mackenzie's gaze up to dark pink booty shorts that appear molded to her firm BUTT and then towards a tight cropped to the chest tube top that clings to her pendulous chest and rests behind a silver tinsel boa. Her curvy hips sway in a mesmerizing rhythm to the Donna's pulsating guitars, as her delicate hands delight in seductive exploration of her silken skin. Soon those delicate hands claps around Mackenzie, she's helped to the floor. Mackenzie strokes her hair girlfriends hair tenderly, as Alix flips a kiss to a camera, causing superimposed red lips to emerge on screen. Behind this gaudy display of glitz and glamour, Molly Nerdly, clad in khaki pants and green polo shirt, trots onto the stage. Her focus as always on the Siclopse, so much so that she doesn't even hear the greetings Alix and Mackenzie offer her. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a television time limit of twenty minutes. Introducing first from New York University by way of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is the 2005, and 2006 Canadian documentary filmmaker of the year, MOLLY NERDLY!! And her partner being accompanied to the ring by her lady love, the chief financial officer of The Enterprise, Mackenzie DeCenzo, from Los Angeles, she is the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties, one half of the 2007 tag team of the year, the Angle Ward winner for most entertaining character, the Enterprise's HOTTIE, Head Of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence, she is The Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAA! As she skips down the ramp Alix's bracelet covered arm stays hooked between Mackenzie's, who tries her best to offer smiles to the fans who so obliviously despise her. Alix seems oblivious to her girl's war with the audience, instead focusing on flashing peace signs, and devil horns to the noisy fanbase. Molly only continues to devote her attention to the maintenance and upkeep of the treasured siclopse. COACH Look at what Alix Maria Spezia's big mouth has gotten her into now. Because she can't shut up and be quiet, she's been thrown into a handicap match with the baddest tag team on the roster? COLE Uh, what? Alix didn't have choice, this match was made without her by The Enterprise, who think she should be doing all their dirty work while they sit backstage sipping on Merlot and chewing Monterrey Jack. As for Rescue 911 being the baddest team on the roster? Are you the same Johnathan Coachman who goes out of his way to destroy any credibility Rescue 911 owns every time they appear on television? Clicking her high heels across the outside mats, Mackenzie uses her firm grip on Alix's tinsel boa to lovingly guide her crawling girlfriend across the ring apron. As flashing red and pink spotlights dance across her picture perfect skin, Alix's hands cup Mackenzie's chin, and eager kisses journey across the blond's face. She then rolls into the ring, where she leaps onto the top turnbuckle and flashes a peace sign to her roaring fans. Molly? Siclopse. That is all. BUFFER And their opponents...Detective Tango Bosley, EMT Tim Cash, RESCUE 911!!! Already in the ring the first responser's unit doesn't bother to respond to the fans reaction, because one there is no actual reaction outside of a few scattered cheers to respond to, and two their engrossed in an intense strategy session DING DING The bell signifies the start of the match and the ending of the Rescue 911 strategy session, as Detective Bosley akes his leave through the ropes. Spurred on by Bos' shouts of encouragement, Cash opens the round by introducing his forearms to Alix's bare back. The attacks paint marks of bright red across her suntanned skin, and allows the EMT to shoot her into the ropes. Unfortunately for him the speedy Latina returns to his location far sooner then he would've liked. This unpreparedness leaves him a sitting duck for the running knee strike The Hollywood Bad Girl drives into his skull! As the still standing fans continue to loudly cheer her on, Alix heads to Bosley's position with one stride of her perfect legs and slams her elbow towards his face. Though Bosley is able to get his forearm up in defense, such a piddly shield doesn't save him from being flung off the apron. With his misfortune popping the crowd, Detective Bosley lands on the black mats in a mess of tacky wrinkled khaki pants, a tacky Hawaiian shirt, and regrettably cheap shoes. “Hey, Mackie, now that I'm not, like, you know busy or anything, wanna tell me why you thought it be sooooo rad for me to become West Hollywood's Dirty Harry?” “Uh, now is not a good time, baby!” “Its never-ever a good time! Its never a good time when you're cooking, its never a good time when you're taking a shower, its never a good time when you're giving your grandfather's eulogy, its never a good time when your testifying in front of congress...” “No seriously, now isn't the time! Look!” “Yeowch.” Alix grumbles when she notices the cause of Mackenzie's warning; the two hundred twenty pound Cash fast approaching with a twisted snarl and an axe handle smash. But yeowch quickly improves to ye-ahhh, once Ally's hands wrap around the top rope and lower it dangerously low. Incapable of slowing his manic approach, Cash falls victim to Alix's treachery and finds himself upended over the lowered the cables! While clicking cameras document his humiliation he sails through the air before finally splattering next to his beaten partner. Twins in suffering, they loudly grouse in agony and lament their incredible pain. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” With the flawlessly precise movements of a finely trained gymnast, Ally twists and turns through the skies with a corckscrew moonsault plancha. Despite having seen the blur of pink and black preparing to rip through them like a tornado well ahead of time, Rescue 911 can't do a single thing to stop the California chica from ramming into them with stunning forcefulness! COLE Oh my! Moneymaker is getting his money's worth so far! Alix's production of carnage and chaos receives rave reviews from the fanbase who fill the arena with applause. But unlike her admirers, Alix isn't satisfied with simply wiping out Rescue 911 with a flashy technique. A cruel smile slinks across her face, as her steel grey eyes harden into a frosty bloodlust. Aiming to satisfy this burning hunger for pain, Alix rips Bosley off the mat and leads him to the announce table. Face frozen in pressing horror, Bosley's thick New York accent pleads for a gift of mercy from his tormentor. Alix reprimands him, “Stop begging,dork! You're acting like a homeless person! Quit it or I'll throw my starbucks in your face to!” COACH That wasn't a homeless person! That was me! “Oh-oh-oh! I knew it was someone who smelled like pee!” Alix replies Miserable screams shoot from Bosley's throat, and each are muffled into low groans whenever Alix savagely rams his head into the announce table. Alix pauses to offer this bit of advice, “If I've learned anything from the dali llama by way of Richard Gere, its that suffering is only a state of mind. Kinda like heterosexuality. Or the midwest!” COLE Its not actually rare to see someone do that, but, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that this isn't something Alix ever does. COACH Ah, the genius of Mister Moneymaker is exposed every show. BAM! The resounding shout of one final smash cuts though the echoing yells of the audience like a silver blade slicing through a werewolves heart. Bosley's head violently ricochets off the table, throwing his entire body to the mats. Even as he lands battered and wounded, pink gogo boots are stepping over him as if he were an unfortunate piece of excrement left on the side walk. Through his blurred blood soaked vision he can eye Alix bending over near the ring announcer, giddily searching for weapons of destruction. The camera and the audience, however, can clearly view the skimpy black shorts riding further up her hips, arresting the audience's gaze with firm thighs and flawless brown skin that runs up and around to her ass. Alix is of course acutley saavy to what's holding the fans' attention, and waggles her round bottom for their carnal pleasure. Once she pops back upright, Bosley's poor vision detects the worrisome sight of a ring bell clasped firmly in her hand. In an effort to retain control of this match, referee Charles Robinson leans through the ropes, and reminds Alix that hitting people with a ring bell runs contrary to the code of the OAOAST rule book. “W slash e, dude. Whatev. Following the rules is a ginormous waste of time, like donating to charity, or exercise, or telling Mackenzie her dad has lung cancer. Oh, that reminds me, Mackie...we need more chocolate milk! While Mackenzie updates the grocery lists, Alix skips her way to Bosley in disturbingly violent merriment. “You can ring my be-e-ell....ring my bell! You can ring my be-e-ell...ring my bell!” She sings, backed up by the chorus of jubilant shouts from the audience. Thankfully, Bosley is saved by a spear from EMT Cash. Alix is slung back to mats, the jarring impact of the sudden knocking her weaponry free. But The Hollywood Bad Girl isn't deterred, and within seconds is back on her gogo boots. Expressive grey eyes beam annoyance at Cash, as she attempts to strike him down with a swipe of her knee. But the Illinois native swats away her long leg, a counter that rips her balance from under her. In order to even stay upright, she's forced to clinch onto the black ring apron. Before her tight grip can rip the cloth totally off its chains, Cash wraps his arms around her narrow waist, and lifts the California cutie onto the actual ring surface. COLE What does Cash have in mind? No one knows, and its debatable if any one actually cares. Its for that reason that the audience cheers wildly when Alix's tanned thighs lock in fierce grip around Cash's neck. In mere moments, Alix pushes herself off her seat, and twists and twirls Cash into a nauseated hell with a spinning head scissors. The EMT's vision fills with the blackness of the ring mats, before finally filling with the blackness of slipping into momentary unconsciousness. “L-o-v-e I am love!” Alix sings “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Quickly to his feet is Detective Bosley. Though its not under his own willpower, rather by the tug Alix applies onto his white and navy Hawaiian shirt. Her wrists wrap around his forearm, then send him running to the barricade that blocks the fans who eagerly await his demise. THUD! He lands badly against the rubber surface, but the damage is comparatively minimal, painless enough that he's able to upend Alix over the barricade as she rushes him. The beach bunny comes down harshly across a landing pad of sticky concrete and discarded candy wrappers. “Disasterrific!” She whines. The fans briefly mourn her fate as well, but have their mood hastily elevated when Alix hops to her feet, and gives them the “okay” symbol and a cute smile. Stationed on the other side of the barricade is Detective Bosley, running opposed to allowing Ally back into the battleground. Thusly he begins peppering her with jabs intent on keeping her entrenched with the audience. Unfortunately, his plan suffers utter failure, caused by an abundance of diet coke that's lobbed into his face. Were Bosley actually able to see past the veneer of sticky liquid, he might spot Alix high fiving the middle aged woman who chucked the beverage into him face. “Beyond fear, beyond mind, hey, babe squeeze my behind!” Alix screams, while her helpful assistant's lusting hands fondle her creamy body until she comes to her round bottom. Smiling sheepishly, she squeezes the two plush cheeks together as Alix mewed like a kitten, and Mackenzie wonders how she can have this woman killed. Meanwhile a recovered but still sopping wet Bosley, snaps towards her like an enraged pitbull. Problematically for him, she's currently perched on the barricade, and as he draws nearer she throws herself forward. Her arm catches onto his head, and her momentum turns her into an out of control merry go round, swinging Bosley round and round until finally he's crashed through the mats. “My! That looks deliciously fun. You must let me try!” Molly shouts on the apron. “Hey! As Arthea said to Gloria, Celine, Shannia and Mariah on VH1 Divas Live oh so many moons ay-go, are you trippin? No one interrupts the queen of show biz! mmmmkay? I think she also said hey cuba, canada, cowgirl and crazy get out of my light and away from buffet, bitch. Love ya, Mol, you're my best friend, call me every ten minutes, give ya a lap dance if you're good.” Less intoxicated by the fun and games, EMT Cash slams his fist into her back, his knuckles cracking roughly off her bones. There are whimpers of agony and surprise from the feisty Los Angeles native, as several more fists shower across her soft skin. With their owner growling in ferocity the blows continue to land with deadly accuracy until finally they weaken Alix to the point where she's trapped firmly inside Cash's clutches. A hold on the ultra tight tube top that clings to her pendulous chest allows Cash to throw her into the squared. Robinson breathes a sigh of relief, because no longer will he bear the shame that comes with people knowing he doesn't know how to count to ten! COLE Tim Cash is bringing this match back into the ring. And he's gotta do something, because right now Moneymaker's plan is working out great. COACH Theodore Moneymaker is the smartest man in the OAOAST. That includes wrestlers, office jockeys, backstage staff, referees, even announcers. Yes, Mister Moneymaker is even smarter then I! Crawling into the ring, The EMT is beside himself over how monumentually terrible his team has preformed thus far. He angrily turns on the shapely brunette who's afflicted him with so much misery, pounding her with stomps even as she rises from the canvas. Once The Princess of Los Angeles is fully upright, Cash latches onto her bracelet coated wrists and throws her into the ropes. She returns with stunning quickness, but not with enough to prevent Cash from throwing her over with a powerslam. A huge boom blasts across the arena the moment Alix's lithe figure is buried into the canvas. Robinson counts the resulting fall.. ONE! But, Molly actually breaks up the pinfall with a tepid poke of her Espirt tennis shoe! “Good job, Molly!” Mackenzie encourages her. “More positive reinforcement. Jesus was right, praise truly is the greatest form of compensation.” Molly remarks, before realizing that her last eight meals come from the dumpster behind Denny's because she has no money because she's an UNPAID INTERN! Alix manages to get herself off the canvas, but is instantly thrown on the defensive by the knife edge chops Cash wings into her jiggly chest. She tries to cut short the barrage of strikes by thrusting her forearm at the medical professional. But her arm speed is unusually slow, and he's able to catch onto it. With her limb trapped, he once again throws her into the ropes. However this latest irish whip has the complete opposite effect as intended; the culinary sensation wildly rolls herself through the skies, letting her bracelets slash through Cash with a high flipping lariat. The audience meets the high flying offensive with a rowdy outburst of cheers, as the EMT is brutally bowled over. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Leaving Cash to wallow in his misery, Alix hustles across the ring, using the ropes gain some forward momentum. She moves amazingly quickly, appearing to be nothing more then a blur of motion. But all this supersonic speed earns her is a oneway trip into the waiting arms of Detective Bosley. He keeps her locked in that position for several moments, simply giving her time to think of how much dole and woe she's soon to be burdened with. Finally, he sinks downwards, and Alix's screams are chilling as she hits the mat with disturbing impact from the sidewalk slam. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” COACH How did he get promoted from officer to Detective? What's there to detect? What's there to police? They aren't even a part of a real police force! At least The Love Doctors work at a hospital, I ain't never seen Bosley paying dues on Real Stories of The Highway Patrol. Bosley drapes his arm across Alix's chest for a crucial pinfall... ONE! TWO! Once again, Molly breaks up the fall! “Damn I am just too stupendous at this wrestling thing for my own good. I bet I could do this blindfolded.” BOSLEY “Of course, I bet I could also do this from the apron as well.” Molly pleads, making a wise escape to that very apron. Elsewhere, Bosley's gruff New York slang is dumped upon Alix in a surge of bile, as he peppers her exposed midsection with stomps. Alix can feel the man's hot breath mist across her face every time he leans close to berate her. Through with punishing her ripped stomach with kicks, Bosley grabs himself a thick clump of her darling brown hair and drags her off the canvas. His fist lashes out at her chin, and the girl is stumbled, wailing and whining into the ring ropes. Her hair sags across her weary face, and her arms drape over the cables, forced to lie their by the exhaustion brought on by the endless stomps. The former NYPD officer provides no moment for her to rest her battered bones, and sends her across the ring with another Irish Whip. Her return is met with a spinning elbow strike, and the raw of force of the hold topples her over. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans chant, led on by Molly. Alix's seemingly lifeless body twitches on the ground and she slowly forces her eyes open. Groaning in misery, she sits up, and clutches onto the bottom rope for whatever minuscule support it can present her. But the cable soon betrays her, and becomes party to fantastic pain, as Bosley presses his knee against the back of her head and grinds her throat against the rough surface. Sweaty and out of breath from having two hundred forty five pounds of muscle driven into her, Alix can only silently gag her horror and anguish over the predicament. The audience and Mackenzie more then make up for Alix's quiet song of sorrow, with hellish boos and calls for Bosley's DQ. COACH “The greatest joy in life is earning a clean, fair living from hard and honest work.” Quote EMT Tim Cash. Well, Cash, your man Bosley ain't living life too joyfully! While Alix continues to cry as though someone were raking hot coals across her throat, Molly interjects herself into the affair to try and save her Enterprise associate. But there's no moment for action from the NYU grad student, as Bosley yanks out his NYPD badge and informs Molly that this is official police business. Oddly convinced by such an action, Molly retreats back to her corner. “I can't believe I just fell for that.” Molly moans, shaking. Whereas Molly could do little to separate Bosley from his victim, Robinson meets with much greater success by leveling a disqualification threat at the detective. COACH Yo, where's the other one? What'd you call him Crash? Cash? That dude garbage. His swag levels is dangerously low. Type of sorry sucka who'd shit himself running if he tried to game on a chick. The good officer grabs Alix right as her lifeless figure shows signs of motion, and tightens the Enterprise's HOTTIE into a dragon sleeper. To his great frustration, he's immediately besieged by spirited resistance from the culinary sensation. The sold out audience becomes deliriously delighted, as for an all too short moment it appears that she may burst free of her his clutches. COLE Can Alix escape this dragon sleeper? A quick elbow to her collarbone deflates the fans' mood, and shipwrecks Alix's chances of survival for the time being. Bored with a mere submission attempt, Bosley shifts her into a front facelock and guides her off the mat. With a savage grin forming beneath his mustache, he grabs onto her teeny tiny shorts, foists her into the air, then dives back to the canvas, obliterating her neck with an NYPD-DT! The audience reacts with horrified shrieks for their heroine's abuse, but these go unoticed by Bosley, who smiles broadly over the pinfall he's put Alix in... ONE! Alix scrapes her shoulder off the mat, giving Mackenzie and Molly the chance to take several breaths of relief. Frustrated with his ceaseless failures in securing victory, Bosley dejectedly retreats to his corner and allows Cash back into the ring. The clean cut EMT enters the squared circle where he formulates a slick double team scheme with his associate. They pick Alix up by her bracelets and send her wobbly legs trotting to the ropes. When she returns they enclose their hands around her waist and flip her into the sky. They each take a kneeling position and smile smugly as the fan favorite endures a terrible stomach first meeting with their knees. Her piercing shrieks degenerate Mackenzie into a nervous wreck and have her calling for the heads of Rescue 911 on a silver platter. Cash pays her threats no mind and instead covers The Hollywood Bad Girl. ONE! Alix lifts her shoulder up, which elicits a rocking round of “ALIX” chants. Cash leaps to his feet and lowly grunts his annoyance at not even earning a two count. But he soon has more problems then his low level offensive, as Alix, rolls beneath the ropes to the ring apron to get a much needed breather. But she can't escape the all seeing eyes of Tim Cash, and he tracks her location. He grabs her by the back of her pink tube top, and roughly yanks her to her feet. When she reaches her full vertical base, she stuns the daylights out of him by smashing her head into his blue eyes! The fans come alive with approval as a series of headbutts decorate his agony riddled face. Left with a small portion of Alix's curled bangs to clog his eyes, Cash is momentarily blinded. And this moment is all the tide the SoCal hottie needs to turn the tide of the match back towards her favor. Using the ring ropes for leverage, she catapults herself at her foe, locking her super smooth legs across his neck with the deathly tightness of a python. As his blindness prevents him from staging a defense, she's able to whirl him like a dervish with a spinning head scissors! A dizzied Cash is deposited near The Enterprise's corner, where his misadventure goes from bad to horrendous turns as Alix comes bounding towards him like a glue sniffing ball of fire! But Cash negates the danger of Alix's charge by grabbing hold of her sleek waist and hoisting her into the air for a possible inverted atomic drop! However, Alix artfully counters this hold, by reaching her hand forward and slapping the outstretched hand of Molly! “Nice!” Molly screams over the possibility of her first true taste of in ring action. “Hold on. What are you doing?” “Good question, what am I doing?” Alix wonders, having now realized what tagging Molly actually entails. As such, Alix wisely takes her tag back and continues the fighting the match by her lonesome. A mixture of enraged, humiliated, and utterly dumbfounded, Bosley has little choice but to enter the ring and try and salvage what little respect he can for his team. Unfortunately the second his feet touch the ground they, along with the rest of his body, are floored with spinning back kick from Ally Cat. Owing to his great endurance, Bosley is able to get back on his feet rather quickly. But his achievements end there, as Alix drops him back to the canvas with Crack? Shit Son... I was doing that back when it was just called FREEBASE (Flashback)! Ecstatic from her return to dominance over the luckless lowcarders, Alix taunts them the only way a rich girl from Beverly Hills possibly can, with early 90's pro-black rap, “ So get up get-get-get-get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town. Get up get get get get down. Late 9-1-1 wears the late crown. So get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town! Get up get get get get down. Late 9-1-1 wears the late crown!” Down with the black power movement, the 95% white crowd joins in the song, “Get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town! Get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town!” COACH Oh shit! This match just went from classic sonning to monumental! With Alix eternally distracted by rap hits nearly two decades old, EMT Cash looks to utilize the power of surprise to regain Rescue 911's briefly held advantage. The medical technician races towards the ropes, bouncing off in preparation for a high impact strike. Unfortunately for him, Alix shoots her body backwards as he returns to blast him with a leaping back elbow. Within the tuft of finely gelled hair that covers his head, the crowd can see gleams of crimson goo, and they erupt with delight over his suffering. Bosley obviously does not partake in the Texans' joy, and seeks to gain a measure of revenge with an Irish whip into the corner. A hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of Ally's labored lungs, and she groggily staggers towards a superkick. But she sweeps beneath the fatal attack, and pulls her figure behind the officer. She then sinks in a tight full nelson, locking him into place! From there she executes a lethal full nelson face crusher! Bosley's khaki bound body smacks off the canvas, and his shouts are joined by raucous cheers of the audience. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Alix situates one gogo boot just above each of her opponent's knees and bends his legs up, twisting them around her's. With Bosley assured of not being able to move a single muscle, Alix grips both of his wrists, while placing her free foot onto his badly mangled back. To complete her submission, The Hollywood Bad Girl pulls back on his arm, elevating his upper body and opening the floodgates to allow a typhoon of pain to pulverize his back. COLE Surfs up, Bosley! How bout you Surf Venice Beach? With excruciating pain crippling his back, Bosley isn't in the mood to do anything more then tap out. And tap out he does, frantically slapping his palm against the mat while still bellowing his cries of intense suffering. Not quite the sadistic witch Bosley's ruined back might try to paint her as, Ally quickly breaks the hold. Robinson calls for the bell, and the audience and Molly put an exclamation point on that with an electrifying ovation! Buffer stands up and stretches his voice to its highest peak to make himself heard over the roaring shouts of the fans and the booming music. BUFFER The winners of the match as a result of a submission, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA AND MOLLY NERDLY, THE ENTERPRISE! While cheers from the fans fill every inch of the venue, Alix and Molly celebrate their easy victory with a little irish jig, despite one of them being Mexican and the other hailing from the frozen tundra of Edmonton. On the outside, Mackenzie claps in relieved satisfaction for her girlfriend's grand achievement. COLE Well, Alix was forced into this match by The Enterprise, made to do their dirty work, poked and prodded by them backstage, and she came out and effortlessly disposed of Rescue 911. If Moneymaker's theory holds correct, he and Wright don't have to do anything more then show up, and their Anderson Cup match against 911 is a guaranteed victory. COACH Genius, genius as always from Mister Moneymaker. Why isn't this guy in charge of the OAOAST? Answer me that? He's only twenty four, right? He's a child prodigy! God bless him. COLE Ugh. Folks, still to come D*LUX will face off against James Blonde and Faqu in our final Anderson Cup match of the night. Krista and VH1 bring us the look of love, and Zack Malibu battles Leon Rodez! COMMERCIAL

RECORDED MUCH EARLIER TODAY The scene is The Enterprise dressing room, decorated to appear as some extravagant combination of a luxury CEO's top floor office, and a stunning multi million dollar New York penthouse suite. Pictures of every Enterprise member engaged in some grandoise triumph hang above lush and intricately arranged greenery. Where plants are sparse, mini bars and fully stocked refrigerators fill in. Comfortable leather seats, which house a reclining CPA, and a sleeping Ned Blanchard are plentiful throughout the room. Stationed at the porcelain sink, Molly Nerdly and Simon Singleton try their hardest to remove fudge splotches from the Siclopse. Elsewhere, Moneymaker sits at the head of the room behind a large black desk sharing a jumbo box of Miss Spezia Sweetie's Little Boy Blue BlueBerry cookies. MONEYMAKER And so we now know how the opening shot of our latest war on the OAOAST tag division will be fired. That child minded little tart Alix will demolish our first round Anderson Cup opponents, Rescue 911. And if our plan holds true, her victory will have bankrupted them of confidence, disrobed them of their facade of self esteem, and brought their chances of victory to ruination. WRIGHT Yes, yes, sir. And with broad smiles, and uplifted hearts we shall endeavor to do no more then neatly mop up the remnants of the underfoot Rescue 911, and then revel in the sweet song of a plan well executed. So shall phase one be complete, and so shall we emerge but mere footstrokes away from our second Anderson Cup. Allen walks over to the desk, under the guise of contributing to the discussion. But truthfully he's only come to leech off the free cookies. CPA She does all the work. You get all the glory. I like it that. Christian raises his glass of wine to CPA. WRIGHT As do I, Christopher. As do I. Perhaps the toast came just a bit too soon, as Alix, dragging Mackenzie DeCenzo behind her, storms out from the closet. The Enterprise fixes shocked and appalled eyes upon Alix, giving Mackenzie enough time to adjust her unkempt hair and unbuttoned shirt into a more professional appearance. Alix on the other hand doesn't seem to care that her pink and gold stripped Abercrombie shirt is on backwards. ALIX Timeout! Offsides! Illegal defense! Pass interference! Hooking! Holding! Spearing! Delay of game! Tripping! Unnecessary roughness! An Italian BMT with everything on it except for mustard, a diet coke, and Baked lays potato chips, p-l-z. SIMON What are you talking about? ALIX (pointing to CPA) I thought maybe Benson on steroids was gonna make a Subway run later, so I'm placing an order! CPA I ain't on steroids! ALIX Yikes, so sorry Rocket Roger, Ally means Benson on B-12 vitamins. Awwwww man, slap a pair of platform pumps on me, throw a fishnet bra on my chest, drop me off on the venice boardwalk, tell me not to come back until I've turned at least six tricks and call me Christian Wright, I am just way too butch with these sports references. That's it! Manwhich closed! MONEYMAKER What were you to doing in the closet? MACKENZIE We were... ALIX Having wild, sweaty, lesbian monkey sex! MACKENZIE Oh boy... ALIX And on the sports pages! Which I guess kinda explains the diggity dizope ESPN disses, and was also kinda a good thing because there was an article on Pat Summit, and oh, oh, oh, she must be from Tennessee! SIMON Because she's the only ten you see? ALIX No, because she coaches The Tennesse Lady Vols basketball team. Duh! WRIGHT Have you no sense of decorum? ALIX No, I'm wearing Abercrombie Perfume 41. WRIGHT Have you no class?! ALIX Hey, I kept my bra on! For the first couple minutes, and on top of my head so I could pretend I was red baron from snoopy. Mackenzie kinda digs that. Anywhoot, do any of you super cool dudes wanna give a girl the Headline News update at every :08, :28, and :48 on the hour? What's this wild and zany stuff I heard past Mackenzie's hella annoying rambling about feelings, intimacy, do I even actually know what her last name is, uh, duh its McClement, and when am I gonna tell Christian I replaced his toothpaste with Ben Gay, about me taking on rescate nueve uno uno ? MONEYMAKER Ah, yes. Well, we have to tell you at some point. You did such a splendid job in crippling The Christ Air Express' chances against Ned and Simon. SIMON And we would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids and your stupid dog! ALIX Wowzers, a little less caffeine for Scooby Doo and the spooky cool haunted house over there, okay! MONEYMAKER The point is, you're going to repeat the same process tonight. Fortunately, you're efforts won't be wasted on two bumbling nincompoops, too monkeybrained to tell one inbred Canadian twin apart from the other. SIMON Was that for me? Am I on alert here? MONEYMAKER No, of course not. You see, dear girl, The Anderson Cup committee, has pitted myself and Mister Wright against Rescue 911 in our opening Anderson Cup bout. WRIGHT A protracted skirmish against such a middling team is far removed from the desired interests of The Enterprise. You are to handily defeat and humiliate them, thus denying them of the confidence and momentum necessary to compete effectively against Mister Moneymaker and myself. ALIX Widget Tiger Farming. Abbreviated: WTF. Elongated: WHAT THE FUCK! Hit the breaks on the runaway truck carrying a tank full of insanity before it crashes right into the stupid factory. You want me to beat up the guys you're fighting in or the Anderson Cup, just so you can have an easy walkthrough when you do fight them? BOOOOOOM! Oh no the runaway truck carrying the tank full of insanity just ran into the stupid factory! And now its raining jackass! Careful don't get infected! Oops to late for everyone in this entire room! MACKENZIE (rubbing Alix's shoulders) Alix, clam down, baby. Be calm. ALIX I don't get it. You're gonna ask the little anorexic Mexican girl who only gets in a real fight whenever the cops try to unhandcuff her from Jodie Foster's front door, to be your muscle. Uh, hi, Enterprise your eyes gave me a lil message, they say....open us! You have this big huge super jacked dude to do the exact same thing! Allen cracks his knuckles in acknowledgment. MONEYMAKER The little Mexican girl wins all her matches. Without fail and without problem. ALIX Uh-huh, yeah, well, here's a major problemo for you senor assfaces, I'm not doing it! No way! Translate Ethiopian, no way crazy funky clicking savage noises. Jesus, why can't they speak American like the rest of New Jersey?! WRIGHT You are unbelievable! ALIX Ya know, you're the second person to tell me that in the last three hours. But the other was slipping a five into my g-string as they it. By the way, Molly, you're a sucky tipper! MOLLY I'm an unpaid intern, any money I get comes from pawning off Simon's hair extensions to rogain failures. MONEYMAKER As I find us doing more and more since you've arrived into our happy little family, dear Alix, we're getting off point.... SIMON You have to do it, Alix. ALIX Why? WRIGHT Because Mister Moneymaker is your boss! ALIX Zoinks! Uh, yeah, lead me down the trail of cocaine that brought you to that conclusion. You the boss of me? Ally don't think so, because homegirl don't play that! I'm dating one of your employees. That doesn't mean you're my boss. If that was the case Bill Belichick would have Gisele Bündchen playing Offensive line! Damn it, more sports references! I'm Linda Cohn without a penis! Gah! Another one! Moneymaker fully chews on one of Alix's blue berry cookies before speaking. MONEYMAKER It was your girlfriend's idea. Such stunning news leads Alix to forget her internal struggle with her knowledge of today's sporting events, and instead shift her focus to Mackenzie. Realizing, that she's done something terribly wrong, Mackenzie slinks towards the door, hoping to avoid confrontation ALIX Mackenzie? MACKENZIE I thought it would be a good idea. ALIX Its funny, not ha-ha funny, but ha-ha I regret every decesion I made in the last month funny, every time you think something is a good idea for me, these people end up being the only ones benefitting! Quit trying to always think about what's best for me! If I wanted a Krista, I would've stayed with Krista, because right now, you make really shitty Krista! MACKENZIE Alix... Feeling immediate pangs of sorrow for her comment, Alix quickly softens her tone into one much more agreeable and conforming to her boss' wishes. ALIX I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad at you. I wasn't thinking. Um, I'll do it. WRIGHT Waste no more words on us, strumpet. You haven't a choice. Reverting back to her previously combative mood, Alix hisses ferally at Wright then storms out the door. But she doesn't fully slam until she delivers this joyfull message, ALIX Oh by the way, ya know how those cookies say “a lil love in every box”. Yeah, that really means a lot of Skeet Ulrich's pee in every box! SLAM SIMON (eating even more cookies then before) I loved him in Scream. While the rest of The Enterprise's contemplates the truth behind Alix's statement, Molly steps forward to offer her opinion. MOLLY Ahoy Ahoy,lads! If I might interject myself into your little tete-a-tete, I believe I have an awfully awful important question that needs answering. I'm aware that little camera girls are best seen and never paid. Not even a Christmas gift. That hurt a little bit, but I'll move on. Um, how do you truthfully know that you can trust Alix? MACKENZIE You can trust her! MONEYMAKER (raising a cookie to silence Makcnezie) Elaborate, Molly. MOLLY I'm merely of the mind, that someone in addition to Mackenzie should be out there with her. Just a precautionary measure to ensure everything goes oh so swimmingly. I'm thinking a partner to stand on the apron and make sure everything proceeds exactly the way you intended it to. The Anderson is cup is too delicate a situation to leave to chance! MONEYMAKER Molly, your keen wisdom has earned you a ten percent raise. MOLLY Ten percent of zero is zero. MONEYMAKER Touche. In that case, your keen wisdom has earned you a match, as Alix's partner against Rescue 911. With the arrangements properly taken care of, the rest of The Enterprise goes back to stuffing their face with Alix's cookies. MOLLY (muttering sadly) Uh, file this situation under the “keep my mouth shut” department. We fade out from the image of Molly shaking her head. COMMERCIAL

And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK. Courtesy: New Year's Spectacular Live shot of MAGGIE NERDLY atop the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE with the crowd behind her. MAGGIE San Antonio, your favorite sons return home champions! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The fans cheer wildly as Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels head out to the interview location proudly displaying the World tag team titles, while Melody waves and blows kisses to the crowd as Fall Out Boy‘s Thriller blares in the background. COLE Listen to this ovation! You’d think the San Antonio Spurs had just won another NBA title. COACH Before we crown them as the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, let’s see how they handle the pressure of being champion. We know they’re physically tough, but are they mentally as well? COLE Their performance last week proved that. Now onstage the Gunslingers drape the tag belts across Melody’s shoulders, putting a smile on her face. MAGGIE Jock, Baron, I offer my congratulations to you. And Melody, you said the Gunslingers were going to do it and they did. It’s gotta be a dream come true. MELODY Sweet dreams are made of these. Who is anybody to disagree? I’ve traveled the world and the 7 seas. Now I manage the One & Only World tag team champions! (firing imaginary pistols) YEE-HAW! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” MAGGIE : ) MELODY Only 10 days into 2008 and I’ve already had the best year ever, Mags. I knew, just knew, when I won the Angle for Manager of the Year that Jock and Baron would become tag team champions. Fate, destiny, whatever you wanna call it. It was a sign. Except I made sure not to run over them like I did the ones during my driver’s test. We studied hard, trained harder and got rewarded. Let that be a message to all the kids out there. If you want it bad enough and you’re willing to work for it then you too can become a champion. MAGGIE Speaking of work, guys; winning the championship may prove to be the easiest part of your title reign as it only gets difficult from here now that you’ll have every team gunning for you. JOCK You’re exactly right, little lady. Baron and I are walking around town with a bulls-eye on our backs. Friend and foe alike will be lining up for a shot at the most prestigious tag title in the sport today, the One & Only World tag team championship. Well boys, there won’t be any need to plan a heist. All you have to do is sign your names on that dotted line and hit us with your best shot because we aren‘t going to be ducking anybody. BARON No paper champions here. Whether it be Melody’s own brothers the Christ Air Express or the Enterprise’s Beverly Hills Blonds, we’ll meet every challenge anytime, anywhere. It’s our way of giving back to the fans for all their support in our quest for justice and the One & Only World tag team championship. MAGGIE Funny you should mention the Christ Air Express and Beverly Hills Blonds. As you know, they’re 2 of the teams involved in the 2008 Anderson Cup and there’s a real possibility you could be facing either one a couple of months from now in Los Angeles at AngleMania VII. MELODY Wouldn’t that be the most awesomeness thing ever? My brothers against the Lone Star Gunslingers? Talk about a match that could main event anywhere in the world! COACH If you mean a flea market with Billy Kidman on the undercard. COLE JOCK Having gotten to know Marv and Mel in recent months we’d sure love to see them win it, but we know firsthand how grueling the Anderson Cup is. Whoever comes out the winner will have earned their shot at the title. “Thriller” is cued and the Gunslingers/Melody play to the crowd. MAGGIE There you have it. The Lone Star Gunslingers are happy to be champions and have said they’ll take on all comers. All they need to do is sign their name on the dotted line. Right now let’s take a look at next week’s Anderson Cup matches. NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! More First Round Anderson Cup Action THE ENTERPRISE vs. RESCUE 911 & LOS DIABLOS DE FEUGO VS. Nathaniel Black/Jamie O'Hara COMING UP NEXT HOLLYWOOD's BADDEST GIRL COMES TO TEXAS Alix Maria Spezia Vs Rescue 911 NEXT

We find ourselves back in the arena, just as the opening chords of ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" begins to play out through the speakers. COLE Here we go, our first of two Pick Your Poison Matches. Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. "Clean shirt New shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit Black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man." To the resounding boos of the San Antonio fans, Christian Wright swaggers out from the entrance way with his trusty briefcase in hand and indeed a sharp suit on. Wright turns his nose up at the fans as he adjusts his tie, making his way down the aisle and brushing away the attention of the fans and their outstretched hands. BUFFER Introducing first... representing THE ENTERPRISE! Now residing in Washington D.C. He weighs in at approximately '8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD'... The Financial Analyst of The Enterprise, this is "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHRRRIIISSTTIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAANN... WWWWRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHTT!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Setting down his briefcase in one corner of the ring, Christian rounds the ring another side and jumps onto the apron. Straightening out the lappels of his suit, the smug Financial Analyst makes the "money fingers" as a sign of his allegiance to The Enterprise before he steps into the ring. COACH Look at that man. He is stylin' tonight Michael! COLE The finest polyester that money can buy, I'm sure. COACH I'm sure that wasn't supposed to be a compliment, but yes, yes it is! Only the finest for The Enterprise and only the finest for Christian Wright. Christian carefully removes his red jacket, equally as carefully folding it up and placing it on top of the briefcase. Off too comes his white dress shirt and tie, now ready for 'business' in just his dark grey suit pants. COLE So, by Zack Malibu's making, it's going to be Christian Wright to challenge Bohemoth in mere moments. This marking the first one on one meeting between the former confidants since July 20th of 2006, inside of a fifteen foot high steel cage. Almost a year and a half ago. Still waters run deep though and I'm sure Christian hasn't forgotten the downfall his career took after he parted ways with Bo and after he lost that Cage Match. COACH That was until he was acquired by The Enterprise. Christian's hasn't looked back since. He's an Anderson Cup winner, he's a former World Tag Team Champion, he's a sharp dressed man! Let's face it, things turned out for the best. Christian limbers up... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...until "Liberate" by Disturbed provokes a huge reaction from the crowd, causing Christian to turn his head and glare at them. COLE Now here's a REAL Sharp Dressed Man! Powering out from the back, Bohemoth marches straight for the ring. BUFFER And, his opponent hails from Greenville, South Carolina! Weighing two hundred, eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Amped up, Bohemoth runs up the steps and down the apron... ...where he suddenly gets shoulder-barged, right off the apron and into the steel barricade beloWii "OOOOOOHHHH... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Woah! Hang on just a minute here! What a cheapshot from Christian Wright, before Bohemoth could even get into the ring! COACH Correction, what a smart cheapshot! *DINGDINGDING!* The lights quickly snap back to normal and the bell is hurriedly rung as thanks to Christian Wright, we're underway. Wright slides out of the ring and stays right on Bohemoth, stomping him up against the guardrail with the fans' abuse barely registering. Pulling Bo back to his feet, CW then pins the left arm behind the back with a hammerlock and DRIVES Bohemoth back into the steel again! The Meterosexual Monster collapses holding his shoulder, as referee Mike Chioda leaves the ring to reminstrate with Wright. "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" COLE Christian trying to do some serious damage to that left shoulder of Bohemoth, before Bo even knows what's hit him! Wright holds his hands up innocently as the referee gives him a firm warning. He rolls back into the ring and continues to plead his innocence, co-operating now and backing away while a count is laid on Bohemoth on the floor. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COACH Looks like the brains have gotten the better of the brawn, Michael. COLE And now it looks like Wright is happy to settle for a count-out victory. Is that 'brains'? COACH Hey, a win's a win. Who says CW's making do with a count-out though? He's just standing back on the referee's orders, following the rules. COLE Oh, how noble of him. As Chioda reaches the count of 6, Bohemoth manages to pull himself up onto the apron. Wright gives him a helping hand to his feet before catching with a forearm to the face. And a second. With Bo dazed on the apron, Wright then backs into the far ropes and aims to repeat his charge from earlier... only for Bohemoth to duck his head through the ropes and cut CW off with a shoulder. Unfortunately for Bohemoth though, that shoulder happens to be his left. And Wright is able to shrug it off while the bigman is still nursing his arm, catching the wrist and snapping the left arm over the top rope! Bo recoils in pain and gets dragged into the ring by Wright, snapmared and covered... 1... ...quick kickout by Bo, but even that seems to aggravate the shoulder. COLE Smart move there by Wright, focusing his body weight on the right side and forcing Bohemoth to use the left arm to get out of the pin. Pinpointing the arm, Wright lays in a boot. A second finds the mark as well, prompting Bo to lash out with a right hand to the gut. Wright suddenly doesn't feel so dominant and resorts to a shortcut, gouging at the eyes and nose of the kneeling Bohemoth! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Another warning is taken in from the referee, Wright backing away long enough to allow Bohemoth back up. Caught in the corner, Bo is levelled with a clothesline once The Natural is able to shrug off the attentions of the referee. Wright immediately takes off into the ropes again. But as he bounces back, Bohemoth is on the move and catches Wright coming with a clothesline of his own! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COACH OH! COLE And the work on the left arm will do nothing to soften the blow of that brutal clothesline of The Meterosexual Monster from the right side! With a growl under his breath Bohemoth grabs Wright as he comes up off the canvas, popping him with a right hand that leaves him on rubbery legs. Another right hand sends CW staggering backwards into a corner, where he finds little respite. Bo loads him from corner to corner with a powerful irish whip... and then shows his former mentor how to REALLY deliver a clothesline in the corner, almost driving Christian through the turnbuckles, let alone into them. Staggering out into the centre of the ring, Wright walks right into Bohemoth's arms. The Meterosexual Monster underhooks Wright and shuffles to the side... ...PITCHING WRIGHT UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR WITH A HUGE HIPTOSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh god! COLE Christian Wright just got thrown... no, he got LAUNCHED out of the ring! Ending up splattered against the steel guardrail, much like Bohemoth had earlier, Wright is also subjected to the indgnity of two young fans leaning over the barricade right above him and laughing at his misfortune. A very pained "Silence!" not enough to shut them up. COLE That right there is a good example of why Bohemoth is going to be one of the heavy favourites, going into the Lethal Rumble Match in seventeen days! Bohemoth, despite the pleas from referee Chioda who is trying in vain to keep control of the match, leaves the ring and retrieves Wright. By the head, he throws him forward, the already unsteady Wright bouncing off the ring apron and falling flat on his ass. COLE And now Bohemoth just imposing his physical will. Christian crawls away with Bo on his tail, preventing him from getting too far. Forced up again, Wright is again thrown forward... *THUD!* ...this time, head-first into the steel steps!! COACH Now this is just uncalled for. COLE Hey, Christian was more than happy taking the fight to the outside a few minutes ago. What's good for the goose and all that. COACH ...UNCALLED FOR~! Bundling Christian back into the ring, Bohemoth scoops him up and over the shoulder for a big running powerslam. The 'running', that's no problem. But the powerslam doesn't come off as Wright escapes down the back and manages to push Bohemoth in the back, hard enough to send him into the turnbuckles! Bo collides with the corner, left shoulder first, re-aggravating his injury. And as Bo falls to one knee, Christian quickly rears back... and kicks his former bodyguard right in the side of the head!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Quick cover by Christian... 1... 2... NO! Wright looks up, holding his head both in despair and in pain. Already, Bo is shaking out the cobwebs and attempting to get back up. So Christian quickly applies an armbar. COLE Christian is going to have a tough time keeping Bohemoth down, but he knows that he's at a disadvantage when going toe to toe. He has to try and keep Bo on the mat. Otherwise, one clothesline and as we saw earlier it could all change in a hurry. Pinning the arm behind the head, a modified top wristlock is applied with a chinlock. "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" WRIGHT SILENCE! "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" The non co-operation of the crowd prompts Christian to pull even tighter on the chinlock, twisting Bo's head off to the side. Bohemoth refuses to give it up though. Pulling himself up, Bohemoth forces Christian back into a corner and waits for the referee to call the break. On five Christian releases the arm... and instantly gets a shoulder in the gut! And a second! Three, four, five, Bo driving CW back against the buckles repeatedly. When he finally relents, Wright quickly capitalises and traps Bo in a front facelock. But Bohemoth refuses to go back down to the mat and drives Christian back in with another shoulder barge! And another! Another... another... and another! COLE This old rivalry spilling over and the referee is struggling to keep both of these men in line. COACH You don't say. This has to be at least 12 seconds in the corner. Bohemoth finally lets up and this time there's no facelock from Wright. He instead gets spun around and thrown up onto the shoulder again. Wright tries to squirm free again but this time there's no mistake from Bohemoth, running out of the corner and planting CW with a Running Powerslam! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE As we said, toe to toe, Wright is just being overpowered. Bohemoth backs away into a corner, waiting for Wright to get back up. The Natural looks half out of it already as he drags himself back to his feet, stopping halfway to catch his breath. Once Wright gets back up, Bohemoth then comes out of the corner, throwing himself forward with a Yakuza Kick... ...DUCKED! Wright avoids the kick... ...but gets planted with a Front Spinebuster as he turns around! COLE Nothing like a Spinebuster in the OAOAST! Hook of the leg by Bo... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! Not waiting around and crying over spilt milk, Bohemoth jumps back up and looks out into the crowd, rising to their feet in unison. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Pick Your Poison... we may have just found the antidote! Bohemoth picks CW up and scoops him int... ...NO! As he's scooped up The Natural pulls a rabbit from his hat, jumping up and floating over the back. Wright lands safely, Bohemoth spins around... *SMACK!* ...and eats a Superkick!! COACH Ch-ching! Count it! COLE What an irony this would be! Superkick by Christian Wright, the man chosen by Zack Malibu to face Bohemoth tonight. Looking almost relieved, Wright walks over on his knees, dropping on top of Bohemoth with a cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEE...." But as soon as Bo kicks out, Wright jumps over the other side and applies a Fujiwara armbar on the left arm! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chioda slides into position as CW pushes up onto the balls of his feet to torque back on the arm. Pain is etched on the usual cool face of Bohemoth, unable to use his power to alieviate the pressure on the hold. Bohemoth shows no signs of quitting though and starts to crawl forward towards the ropes. COLE Look at Christian, wrenching back on the arm. It's a rare occurance, if ever, that Bohemoth quits but The Natural is doing his damndest to make tonight one of those nights! COACH I'm sure Zack is loving this. But this is about more than Zack now. This is Christian's chance, 18 months later, to finally prove his superiority over the man he made, that he plucked from obscurity! As Wright pulls back on the arm Bo lets out a shout and tries to make another crawl. The ropes are a long way away though and Christian is rocking back and forth, exerting even more pressure. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" With the San Antonio crowd growing louder in their support, Bohemoth has stopped crawling but is suddenly starting to stir around. He looks for a second to be set to tap, only to plant his free hand on the ring canvas. And forgetting all about the ropes, he instead starts to attempt to climb out of the hold under his own power! Christian shakes his head 'no', but the Meterosexual Monster manages to get his knees underneath him and starts to rise. With a low groan of exertion, Bohemoth then gets a foot planted... ...and suddenly stands up... ...bringing the head-shaking Natural up with him and dropping him down with a Sidewalk Slam!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Bohemoth rolls away clutching his shoulder, leaving the flat out Wright behind. COLE What a show of strength and determination from Bohemoth right there... a side slam, bad arm and all! With both men off their feet, referee Chioda begins a ten count on them. Bohemoth doesn't use up much of it before getting back up, left arm hanging a little limp at his side, while he uses the good right arm to pull Wright to his feet. Throwing Christian aside and into a corner, Bo rears back and nails him with a big right hand! And a second one. COLE Bohemoth fighting with one arm at the moment but he's doing okay with those heavy rights. Down the turnbuckles slides Wright, left slumped against the bottom turnbuckle. Bohemoth places the flat of his foot over Christian's face and forces down, bootscraping him. A couple more scrapes leave Christian completely prone as Bohemoth then takes off for the far ropes. Avoiding the turnbuckles, Bo comes back from the far side of the ring... AND OBLITERATES CW'S FACE WITH THE FACEWASH!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Grabbing hold of Christian's wrist, Bohemoth then hauls him right back to his feet... and drops him with another big clothesline! COLE Hey, I just got a text message from Alix Maria Spezia. She says "Thanks Bo, but you needn't have bothered with the face, it was already broken. Peace out.". COACH Pfft, like Alix even knows who you are. With Wright seeing stars, Bohemoth leans in the corner and gets his wind back. He then pushes himself out of the corner, shaking out his left arm as he stalks Christian. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! Bohemoth grabs Christian from his knees, scooping him up into his arms. The left arm is tested by the lift but, comfortable that he's got enough left in it, Bo walks out into the middle of the ring with Christian, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! COLE Erotic Awakening Of B!! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Liberate" strikes up again as Bohemoth rolls over and grabs his arm again now the match is over. Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell and goes to raise the arm, not thinking, which earns him a stern look from Bohemoth. He quickly makes up for it by raising the good arm. BUFFER Here is your winner... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEMMOOOOOOTTHHHH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo looks down at his former mentor as he stares vacantly up at the lights, working out another kink in his shoulder before stepping over Wright on his way out of the ring. COLE Certainly a stern test for Bohemoth here tonight. But one that he's passed here against Christian Wright. The question now is, how will Zack Malibu fair in comparison in our main event? COACH Well he's got quite a bit to live up to. As Bohemoth walks to the back, Christian slowly comes to his senses in the ring. When he realises what's actually happened he hangs his head and slumps back to the canvas, protesting that it was just a two count despite only showing signs of life a good twenty seconds after the bell actually sounded. COLE And for Christian Wright, he's at least got the defence of the Anderson Cup to console himself with, starting next week. When we come back we'll hear from The Lonestar Gunslingers, making an appearance in their hometown! COMMERCIAL

HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Kurt Cobain and a damning surge of boos sings the much despised foursome onto the entrance structure, where their vexed expressions reveal how disgusted they are to be appearing without the tag team titles. Abdullah is the most animated among the four, heartily singing praises and prayer on the pulpit of HeldDOWN. Behind him, strides the arm and arm Angle Award winning couple Lolly, their contemning smirks matching in bitter antipathy, and Logan's glimmering holographic white tights perfectly coordinated with Holly's white bell bottom pants and white blazer. Synth Esizer brings up the rear of the group, but his his hindmost position doesn't conceal him in obscurity, and beneath the multicolored strobe lights he taunts and mocks the booing fans. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for opening round action in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup! Currently making their way to the ring are the number two seeds of the Los Infernales Conference. COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents in association with HOLLY-WOOD the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time and two time tag team champions of the woooorld... THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! As they parade down the entrance ramp, Logan and Holly gaze our towards the crowd with faces frozen into cocky sneers. Synth's spindly body skips and bounces through the ambulant spotlights, his frantic body movement showing he's starving for a fight. COLE They say payback is a bitch, and at New Years Spectacular it definitely was for The Heavenly Rockers. After months of feuding, fighting and warring with The Lonestar Gunslingers, The Rockers were finally brought down in a great match by Melody Nerdly's boys. Congratulations to the Gunslingers, who've shown what hard work, effort, and toughness can get you in the OAOAST. But the new question is how will The Rockers respond tonight in the opening round of the Anderson Cup? COACH They'll respond as they always have. By winning! And let's not go overboard with the praise for The Slingers. Yeah, they won the match, but they won it with a backslide. A backslide! A cheap little reversal move. Don't mean you better then The Rockers just meant you were better for those three seconds. The spotlights now swirl about the ring, almost encasing the rock n roll twosome within the squared circle. Through the shadows of the poorly lit arena, The rockers move to opposite ropes at the middle of the ring. With tongues hanging out in defiance, they stand atop the second rope, powering their fists into the air to combat the wrath of the audience. Another gun shot rings (What's Going On? ) Another siren sings (What's Going On? ) Another mother cries (Yo what's Going On? ) Cause another innocent died (Yo what's Going On? ) Another gun shot rings (What's Going On? ) Another siren sings (What's Going On? ) Another mother cries (Yo what's Going On? ) Cause another innocent died (Yo what's Going On? ) With Tupac's melancholy melody the entrance stage becomes muddied beneath the hazy darkness of pitch black smoke. All across the venue harsh blue lights flesh at the violent chaotic pace equaled by the scenes of blood and mayhem on the video screens. Beneath the video havoc that's so brazenly displayed entrance doors tear apart to allow the beasts known as The South Central Militia to make their arrival onto the scene. Wallace lets out a wild and primal roar, the kind that could shake the heavens, as his partner stands comfortably back, cracking knuckles and gazing through a lowered leopard print cowboy hat. COLE Both these teams were involved in the 2007 Angle Awards Television Match Of The Year, the scramble cage match to crown the new one and only world tag team champions. Now that's the title these men are fighting to compete for at Anglemania. Its worth noting that both these teams are former tag team champions, although The Rockers reigns lasted quite a bit longer then The Militia's sad twelve minute run. BUFFER Now making their way to the ring at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, from South Central Los Angeles and former tag team champions of the world... THE SOUTH. CENTRAL. MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!! There's not much reaction for the Militia's entrance besides a few bored yawns. Even as they flash every gang sign known to blood and crip, the South Central fighters still can not gain more then a couple of apathetic boos from the audience. COACH We can talk about Krista and Alix competing at Anglemania in their hometown of Los Angeles, but I think it would be pretty tight for The Militia to wrestle for the tag belts in front of friends, family, and ex-cellmates! COLE They better hope and pray they win the Anderson Cup, because that's the only way we'll ever see The Militia at Anglemania! Synth's one day in the county blues for indecently exposing his Heavenly instrument to a gaggle of nuns (read all about it at OAOAST.com) has apparently caused him to see the light of Islam, and he joins Brother Abdullah in glorious prayer before the match. COACH It uplifts my soul and empowers my spirit to see how rich and diverse the OAOAST is! With Synth occupied by his odd conversion to Islam, Logan is forced to begin the match against Vinny Santana. Though Santana isn't much of a fan favorite in the OAOAST, its Logan who bears the enterity of the fans ill will “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Mann scorns disdainfully at the hateful audience, trying to stare them into silence. However, he only increases their venom. Once he manages to put aside the fans harsh words, he meets Vinny with a lockup. The lanky brawler quickly overpowers his foe into a headlock and cranks mightily on the hold. Despite this, Mann isn't terribly concerned or bothered by Vinny's clutches and begins arrogantly shrugging his shoulders as if to say “Is this all?” COLE I see losing the tag titles has done nothing to harm Logan's ego. COACH The man's got swagger! Swag! The Gunslingers jacked The Rockers belts, but they can't jack the swag! Bored with Whitey's mundane hold, Logan presses his hands against his bony stomach, and roughly shoves him into the ropes. In spite of the fact that Vinny weighs about sixty pounds soaking wet, he actually manages to bowl the MACHO macho Mann over with a shoulder block on his return. Pleased with this small achievement, Vinny smiles a toothless grin before taking off to the opposite ropes. But, his luck runs out when he returns to Mann, and the two time tag team champion flattens him a leaping lariat! “ROCK N ROLL GONNA SAVE THE WORLD!” Logan hollers through cupped hands. “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Santana stands under his own power, but is promptly trapped by an arm wrench from Mann. Logan wrenches and torques on the limb with all the power in his thin body, drawing out distressed cries from his gangbanging foe. Unable to suffer the pain any longer, Santana grabs hold of Logan's free arm and overpowers him into the opposite ropes. Whitey lowers his head, partially out of anguish, partially to have Logan leap frog him. But he gains nothing but further misery when Logan slams his yellow boots into his chest. Amazingly the boot didn't go right through Vinny's paper thin chest, it only shot him upright, and left him gasping for air. In order to capitalize on his rivals' weakened state, Mann bounds off the ropes once more. But as he returns, Vinny storms through him with the Drive-By (Running flying forearm smash), which sends Logan toppling to the mat. “Get up, Logan! Don't let this piece of crap push you around like that!” Holly yells on the outside. With a solid chunk of about sixteen different dreadlocks, Vinny leads the rock god off the canvas. In dire danger of ripping the hair extensions straight out Mann's scalp, Whitey brings him into the SCM corner where he applies the tag with a growling Wallace. There's a small smattering of boos offered to the ex-convict's appearance in the match, but that's soon replaced by a larger murmur of curiosity as the audience watches intently while Wallace lugs his timberland boots onto the top rope. COLE This is an unusual spot for One Eye Wallace to be in! COACH If you're gonna take a risk, take one on the biggest tournament of the year. Logan is tightened into a front facelock, and then in one blinding fast motion is snap suplexed into the canvas. Moving with such speed, that he leaps into the air as the ring still vibrates from Logan's impact, Wallace dismounts his nest with a body splash! Although Logan is well aware that a heavily muscled criminal is descending upon him at rapid pace, the aftermath of Santana's snap suplex keeps him tangled within Vinny's arms, thus holding him into place. “BROTHER LOGAN, RAISE YOUR KNEES!” Abdullah instructs him. Logan follows his manager's brilliant advice and hastily brings his knees into his chest. Just as AAN predicted, Wallace's trajectory takes him painfully into Logan's shield. The hearts of the fans' sink, as they were almost certain they were about to witness the demise of The Rockers' lead singer. Santana is more disgruntled by the avoidance then dejected, and quickly moves to take his anger out on Mann. He pulls Logan off the canvas, then lowers him into the setup for a DDT. Finally, he throws his body backwards, spiking Mann's long thick dreads into the mat with a snap DDT. While the fans applaud Logan's agony, Vinny drags his associate onto the rockstar for a pinfall... ONE! TWO! Mann rips his body out the pinfall, and rushes upright. As Vinny stands to join him, he's greeted by a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him badly dazed. With the South Central dweller out on his feet, Mann carries himself to the ropes. When he rebounds to his rival, he extends his muscular arm out and lacerates Vinnny with a lariat! The mammoth pain the hold puts him under motivates him to roll towards the outside and a catch a breather, while his partner begins doing his share of the work. Unfortunately Wallace is just as ineffective against Logan as Vinny. When he stands, he's immediately blown back to the ground courtesy of one of Logan's wicked left hooks! As Wallace clutches a badly bloodied nose, his rival towers above him, blowing on his fist and smirking with self satisfaction. “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Despite the large amount of pain afflicting him, Wallace valiantly attempts to struggle upright. However, the Sin Citizen keeps him grounded with a spinning elbow drop. He then pins his foe.... ONE TWO Roaring with animal ferocity, Wallace thrusts his shoulder from the canvas. This show of defiance is not greeted well by Triple M, who pumps a round of fist drops into the chest of One Eye. Once his fist dropping concludes, Mann scrapes his adversary off the mat, and drags him over to corner. He applies the tag with Synth, then gives strict orders to “Finish this bitch off!” The Synthanator attempts to make good on this order with a basic bodyslam. As Wallace convulses in pain, Synth takes towards the ropes. When he returns to his rival, he leaps into a senton and crushes him beneath his bodyweight. Referee Earl Hebner counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE! TWO! Once more Wallace kicks out, which mysteriously prompts Abdullah to begin reciting a prayer for his Muslim brother's safe victory. Unable to join his spiritual guide in prayer, Synth focuses on his enemy, dragging him off the canvas and preparing him for an Irish whip. However, the thuggish brute reverses the hold, yet instead of throwing Esizer into the ropes, he hauls the drummer into his body. Pressed against the fake-gold chain coated frame of One-Eye, Synth is turned upside down and dropped onto his back with a bodyslam. The pain of such a hold barely has a moment to register on his mind before the burly gangster cuts through his neck with a leg drop. While the former tag team champion struggles for breath, Wallace efforts a pinfall... ONE! TWO! Synth kicks out! “BOOOOOO!” ABDULLAH Considering the previous count to be somewhat on the slow side, Wallace retries his pin.. ONE! TWO! But Synth lifts his shoulder off the mat long before the three count, drawing a miserable song of jeers and boos from the capacity crowd. COACH Every year I think the Anderson Cup just gets better and better and better. And this years will be the best yet once The Rockers win their second cup and demolish The Gunslingers at Anglemania! Perhaps making it out of the first round might be a more realistic and pressing goal for The Rockers, as Synth is brought down to the canvas by a double underhook suplex. The Synthmesier doesn't have much time to lick old wounds, as Wallace latches onto his unkempt hair and brings him upright. He shoves him into his team's corner, where proceeds to punish him with elbows to the chest. The sound of Wallace's arm painfully thudding into Synth's pecs ecohes throughout the arena, giving the spectators something to smile about. Eventually, Synth is able to turn the tides on his foe by slashing him with an elbow strike of his own. He then proceeds to batter the the man with swift punches to the face. Yet he finds his offensive flurry quickly cut short by a devastating mongolion chop from the Californian. While Synth writhes on the mat in distress, Wallace returns his partner to the bout. COLE I have to say this is some smart tagging strategy by The Militia. COACH You can't afford to be stupid in AC. Every single move counts. You gotta be on point from start to end! Santana enters the ring with fiery passion outlining his face and decisive victory on his mind. But, his fantasy momentarily fails to materialize as Synth strikes him with a diving elbow samsh that flings him between the orange ring ropes and lands him harshly on the apron. Perturbed by Esizer's offensive renaissance, Whitey quickly rises to enact his revenge. Unfortunately for him his plan goes horribly, astray, when the rockstar slings his knee through the ropes and catches Vinny directly in the testicles! Viny's strained, screams of unimaginable torture don't do much to incite the audience's sympathy. They're too preoccupied with reminding Holly that they consider her a slut. While Holly reaches over the guardrail to pick a fight with the crass fans, Synth reaches through the ropes pick up his crass rival. He attempts to bring him into the ring with a basic vertical suplex, but at the height of the hold, Vinny shifts his bodyweight backwards to land behind the music sensation. Without wasting a moment of time, Santana snares his arms around Synth's pudgy waist and hurls him through the sky with a German suplex! Esizer bombs across the canvas with a ring shuddering impact that delights the Texas fanbase. Pleased with the painful results of his technique, Santana rolls Synth to his feet and strikes him with a second suplex! Esizer's groaning is pained and long, a noise that pleads with Vinny's sadistic side to utilize a third suplex. But as the gangster brings Synth back to his feet, Da Synthanator stuns him with a neckbreaker! “BOOOOOO!” COLE You know Santana didn't expect that one! He's cruising right along with two German Suplexes, and then all of a sudden a neckbreaker. You have to always be on your guard when facing a two time tag team champion. Above the crowd's noisy and vulgar griping, is the fast talking voice of Abdullah Abir Nerdly singing prayers and songs to motivate his spiritual protegee to his corner. The power of Abdullah's prayer is magnificent, and its holy properties raise Synth to his feet. Problematically, Santana has also left the ground, and clutching his sore neck, he looks none to happy with Synth's escape from his suplexes. In an effort to battle back the brawler before he can do him further damage, Synth flicks his boot out in a sidekick. However, Whitey catches hold of the gaudy yellow shoe, and uses it to give Synth a nauseating 180 twirl. With Synth dangerously facing away from him, Whitey succeeds in fastening his head between his arms, and hooking onto his black tights in set up for a back suplex. But as he lifts the Las Vegan into the air, Esizer tightens his arm around his neck, throws his body forward and punishes his rival with a bulldog! Santana screams out in anguish as pain rockets through every inch of his goateed face. SYNTH As his opponent's attention is captured solely by his throbbing anguish, Esizer is unhindered in his journey to the corner to make the tag with The MACHO Macho Mann! Logan's arrival into the affair is greeted with a cold front by the audience, who pelt him with jeers and disdain. Somewhat annoyed by being the target of eighteen thousand people's hatred, Mann begins jawing with the booing audience. Unfortunately his decision to engage in a verbal battle with the fans takes his eyes off the physical battle with Santana, and Whitey hammers him with the Drive By running forearm smash. COACH That's the quickest I've ever seen a hot tag get cooled down. Thinking Logan to be weakened by the simplistic strike, Whitey charges to the ropes. As he returns his jeans clad legs slice through the air with a Scissors Kick! But to his incredible surprise, Logan sidesteps the overly telegraphed attack. His shock over the miss quickly turning to bitter rage, Vinny tries to swipe Mann with a discus lariat. Unfortunately the telegraphing of his movements continues to haunt Whitey, as Logan clutches onto his slow moving arm, and uses it to drive his entire body downwards with a single arm DDT! But Vinny gets to his feet with remarkable quickness, and angles his uninjured arm to strike Logan down with a punch. Mann stymies Whitey by ducking to the ground and dragging the brawler down with him with a leg sweep! SYNTH and LOGAN “ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK!” For a moment it seems as if Logan might throw himself head first into another debate with the audience, but he quickly defies everyone's expectations; he makes a sudden dash to the SCM's corner and uses his taped left fists to slug Wallace in the jaw. COLE That might not have been the best idea. COACH No kidding, Cole. You don't wanna piss off the guy with manslaughter and three counts of armed robbery on his record. No championship is worth that! Logan quickly finds out why this is the case, as a howling and roaring Wallace charges into the ring with full intent on massacring Mann. Stricken with an understandable panic, Logan drops to the mat and begs for divine intervention. Further proof that god has no taste; Wallace misses Logan entirely and ends up nearly decapitating his comrade with a Regal Style Knee Stike! “Damn, damn, damn!” Wallace whines, while the audience boos his inability to lay waste to Logan. Taking advantage of One-Eye's preoccupation with own failings, Synth rushes across the ring and overtakes him with a lariat! The attack carries with it so much incredible force and momentum that it causes both grapplers to topple over the ropes and free fall to the outside. As the competitors crash into thin mats bellow, the fans get to their feet and holler their delight with the carnage. COLE Synth's really giving up the body to make certain his team pulls through in the Anderson Cup! COACH And he shouldn't have to! Screw stipulations, The Rockers deserved an instant rematch with The Gunslingers! Back inside the ring Wallace and Mann trade chops that rip away at each other's chocolate colored flesh, and draw the requisite whoos from the fans. “WHOOO!” “WHOOO! “WHOOO!” “WHOOO!” But the whooing is abruptly crashed to a halt by an elbow smash from Wallace! Thinking that Logan is mortally wounded by such a basic maneuver, One Eye envelops Logan's head with his massive palm and raises his hand in preparation for The Silver Bullet (Samoan Spike)! “You dead now, Mann!” he bellows in his deep gravely tone. Yet as his hand screams towards Logan's forehead, the rock n wrestling star ducks beneath it and runs to the ropes! Wallace quickly follows suit preparing to strike Logan down with a big boot once they reach other. But as One Eye hits the ropes, his shoe is caught by the meddling Abdullah Abir Nerdly! COLE Foul play by a foul little troll! COACH Stop the car, mang, you can't call the speaker for the prophets a foul little troll. That's how you getcha ass shipped to the devil. Without even needing so much as a dirty look cast his way, Abdullah innocently lets Wallace goes free. Caught off guard by the sudden release of his shackles, the big man stumbles himself into a toe kick from Logan Mann. Doubled over by the unexpected attack, Wallace is easily trapped inside Logan's front facelock. As his rival struggles to be free of his bonds, Logan twirls the FINGER OF DOOM~! “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” COLE This cost Logan big at New Years Spectacular! But it pays off in a big way here on HeldDOWN; Mann shoots his body backwards and scrambles what little brains Wallace has with his famous finisher the Percussion DDT. Leaving the crowd to boo the deadly move, Logan smiles broadly as he hooks the legs of his beaten foe. ONE! TWO! THREE! Logan immediately dismounts Wallace and throws his arms into the air, looking towards the sky and giving thanks to whatever god he believes in for the victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the winners of this opening round Anderson Cup match as a result of a pinfall and advancing to the second round of the Los Infernales Confrences....THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS!!! No one in attendance seems to be terribly happy about the result, and they lustily boo the idea of The Rockers advancing to the second round. But, as mad as the fans are, Lolly is every bit as happy, and they swap spit in the kind of way that earns this show its TV-MA rating. Synth takes a more ethereal approach to his celebration, joining Colonel Abdullah in prayer and worship for well...Colonel Abdullah. Hey, he's the speaker for the prophets after all. COLE And so The Heavenly Rockers advance through the Los Infernales Conference to face the winners of Team Heyross against Jumbo and Deuce. Who do you think they're more interested in being matched up against? COACH Jumbo and Deuce, obviously. They'd take that match any day of the week. But, if team tons of fun actually manages to get past Team Heyross, then, man, there's gonna be reason for it, and that reason is gonna make things tough for The Rockers. But all in all, I expect it'll be The Rockers facing off against Team Heyross. COLE We'll find out on January 24th when Team Heyross matches up with Jumbo and Deuce! Keeping up with the subject of the Anderson Cup, last Thursday night at the New Year‘s Spectacular, the Sooner Bruisers made their triumphant return to the OAOAST defeating Los Conquistadors in first round Anderson Cup action. Their first appearance since losing to the Heavenly Rockers at AngleMania VI, the result of a stipulation cause in the bout that stated the loser must leave town for 90 days. Before we listen to some pre-recorded comments from the Sooner Bruisers, let’s relive the closing moments of their match last week. Courtesy: New Year's Spectacular[/b] We cut to the Bruisers in front of a grey backdrop. UBER Ow, ow, ow, owwww! Hey, everybody. Guess who’s back in town? The Sooner Bruisers, that’s who! BIG FRANK What a long strange trip the past few months have been for my brother and I, having to sit back and watch people get their butts kicked instead of kicking them ourselves. Yeah, we could’ve come back months ago, but we wanted our return to mean something. That’s why we signed up for the Anderson Cup. Because of the level of talent the OAOAST tag team division possesses, it’d take months to climb to the top of the ladder. The Anderson Cup gives us the best of both worlds. If there’s one thing we love more than a dozen fine ladies, it’s a damn good fight. So every tag team in the OAOAST better download the latest security update because a virus named the Sooner Bruisers is about to affect you all. UBER We’re the Sooner Bruisers and we approved this message. The Psycho Gremlin HOWLS as the piece ends. COMING UP NEXT ALL THE NEW POISONS BOHEMOTH VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT NEXT OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Which One of These Former World Champions Has Never Mainevented Anglemania? A.Crystal B.Hoff C.Peter Knight D.Calvin Szechstein The answer still to come The answer coming up later in the show!

On January 12th, you will bear witness to hottest thing to hit late night television since those informecials about EXtenze, OAOAST Syndicated! This weeks edition of Syndicated features such thrilling and action packed matches as.... ***Christ Air Express Vs Mr.X and Spencer Reiger*** Signed after their “altercation" at the NYS:***Christopher Patrick Allen Vs Moracca of Los Diablos*** ***Jamie O'Hara Vs Vinny Valentine*** And in our mainevent ***Thunderkid Vs Vitamin X*** Plus words from wrestling's most controversial team The Beverly Hills Blonds! *card subject to change, as in one of the characters booked for syndicated is used on HeldDOWN between now and when I post the show. If anyone wants a character off/on the show tell me and I can try to work them in some how. Also if anyone wants a promo or skit for a character PM me before saturday, and tell me what its supposed to be about so I can write a summary of what happened.

I believe from San Antone

Anderson Cup First Round Heavenly Rockers Vs South Central Militia The Look of Love-Maybe Alix Maria Spezia Vs Rescue 911-maybe baby

So, as anyone who's been reading the show the past couple months knows, Syndicated is a semi-regular feature on HD. Typically its used in “highlight” fashion to advance angles and storylines. However, KC and I, with Tony's blessing have an idea to bring Syndicated back as a television show. Now, don't all go bonkers on me, you don't have to worry, because you don't have to write anything! KC and I will handle it. The show would basically be done in the old house show recap format. There would be match results, and summaries of promos and various angles. Mostly the show is for lower level guys like James Riggs, or Vinny Valentine who don't get used very often, but are sometimes brought back for matches, angles, title shots, etc . There would be some appearances by other, more regularly used characters, but who still aren't currently getting on HD that regularly, if that makes sense. The best example I can think of at the moment is a Cuban Wall or Thunderkid type dude. A important guy like Popick who rarely wrestles on HD, wouldn't wrestle on Syndicated for obvious reasons. Anyway, those of you with multiple characters (which is pretty much all of you) would probably find Syndicated useful for some of your people because a feud for them could be ran on it,without you ever having to really do anything. Basically you'd have some squash matches such as “Jamie O'Hara Vs Mr.X”, perhaps a more competitive match like “Jumbo Vs Mister Borciua”, and per Tony's wisdom occasionally a big star might show up for some wild wacky match like “Zack Vs Biff” Biff being the big star obv. So, Syndicated is “taped” before HeldDOWN, and would be posted on the Saturday after HeldDOWN. To quote KC “We'd put the HD booking thread up first and then the Syndicated card could go up the same sort of time that HD the show is being posted.” KC, and Tony can add their wisdom, and anyone else feel free to ask questions or make comments.

we'll shorter then i planned the pilot to be, but i broke the second half off for next week. i'm just surprised i got it done before march. The view cuts to a taped image of Krista Isadora Duncan and her bottle of Miller Lite, reclining poolside at her luxurious Beverly Hills mansion, wearing sunglasses, a white polo shirt and a pair of stone washed jeans. As she speaks various highlights from her entertainment and OAOAST ventures play on screen. KRISTA Hey, I'm Krista Isadora Duncan, twenty million fitness videos sold, ten percent of that money gone to my agent Will Burrows who used two percent of it to become my agent Wilma Burrows, and five percent to my lawyer after that whole messy pushing the sales girl at Victoria's Secret down the escalators. When I wear the no fat chicks shirt, I'm living the no fat chicks shirt, biggie smalls. And then five percent of that money right to the bride of Frankenstein, my mother. "Oh Krista, my eldest daughter, my favorite daughter, I lugged you, the bane on my once girlish figure, in my womb for nine months, laid there for three minutes thinking about Frank Sinatra while I was violated by your greasy misanthropic money whore of a jew father just to conceive you, and the most you can get me for Hannukah is a twenty five dollar borders gift certificate?" Krista waves her hand in disgust at the memory of her mother's complaining. KRISTA Bottom line, I'm a celebrity! But even we celebs get the blues. And I'm not just talking about when I can't get a table at the Ivy. Because then I just whip out the dyke-dar....beep beep beep beep DING DING DING danger will robinson, danger, locate the lez at the resturant with the most power, flip the hair, bat the eyes, do the giggle, and its prime outdoor seating at the casa de la ivy, and at the casa de la Krista's getting some tonight. But these blues come from the loss of my girlfriend and my best friend of twelve years, Alix Maria Spezia. To try and make things better I hid away in my house, kicked on a Julia Roberts marathon, and took a lot of vitamins. Well if you eat a banana with the prozac and oxycontins you can call them vitamins. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. As the suicide hotline counselor told me its time to get my head out of the dumps and my legs in the air. I have to stop confusing the number for 1-866-SEX-WILD with the suicide prevention number. So here I am looking for someone to give me that look of love, [img=http://www.teevblogger.com/images/vh1_logo.jpg] [b]PRESENTS[/b] [b][size="7"][font="Verdana"][color="#800080"]~THE LOOK OF LOVE~[/color][/font][/size][/b] [font="Arial Black"][color="#DDA0DD"]Starring[/color][/font]: [font="Arial Black"][color="#FF00FF"]Krista Isadora Duncan[/color][/font] [font="Arial Black"][color="#0000FF"]Terry Taylor[/color][/font] [font="Verdana"][color="#800080"][b]AND THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN[/b][/color][/font] [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/cori.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]CORI[/color][/font] Hi I'm Cori, or to simplify it for today's educationally-deprived youth. How about...Lil' Cor. I've just gotten tired of dating women who think knowing who the last guy Hillary Duff slept with, Mike Comrie, is more important then how many people got killed in today's Gaza raid, nine. I want someone who's beautiful, and smart. Like Krista. Hopefully she wants me. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Virginia.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]VIRGINA[/color][/font] I've always loved Krista! I used to be a whale sized one hundred pounds. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without crying, I used to ask god why he made me so fat, and no one but guys and girls who drove lame cars like BMW's and Cadillacs would talk to me. My self esteem was in the gutter! Then I found fitness queen Krista Isadora Duncan. I asked her for the name of a good lipo doctor, and she gave me one and now look at me! Eighty five pounds and getting lower by the day! I've been in love with Krista ever since. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Montana.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MONTANA NERDLY[/color][/font] (another Nerdly girl who's name we can get mixed up!) "I'm not worried about his competition. The only way I could probably lose is if the earth spread apart and swallowed me whole. Even then I expect Krista to drive herself all the way to he golden gate bridge, and cast her body to blue waters bellow, and her soul to the white clouds above so that she could truly spend eternity and beyond with me. That's how confident I am of our attraction." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Tori.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]TORI[/color][/font] "I think most of the women on this show are just here to be on TV. Virgina isn't even a lesbian! How do I know? Because I was the maid of honor at her wedding. To my father. I'm genuine, I want to be with Krista, because I love her, and if she gives me a second of her time, she'll love me back. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/claudette.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]CLAUDETTE[/color][/font] “I know for a indisputable face I'm the best choice for Krista. The others should just pack their bags and head back to the trailer park and section eights, they're using up time my boo could be using with me.” [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Madison3.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MADISON NERDLY[/color][/font] "Not only is my sister Mindy losing her hair prematurely, she's also losing her freaking mind. She thinks she's the girl to beat on this show. I'd bet she'd win if this show was called [i]look of a wrinkled forty five year old divorcee with three kids, no alimony, and in desperate need of cash to pay off the home thats getting foreclosed on.[/i]" [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Mindy.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MINDY NERDLY[/color][/font] "I can't believe Madison bothered showing up for this. Girls don't make passes at girls who wear glasses and girls don't make passes at girls with fat asses. Sorry, Madison but you're two strikes away from being eliminated before the show starts." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/shyanne.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]SHYANNE WALLACE[/color][/font] "I didn't come here to lose, I came so I could tell my parole officer I gots me a job. So you ain't gotta worry about how I'm taking care of my kids. If I wanna slap those dookie heads all the way to the next great star line boat back to Africa, I'ma do it, 'cause I gots me a job. And I'ma get me a dime bitch with Washingtons, Lincolns, Jacksons, Bushes, Coolidges, Regans, Rosevelts, Clevelands, thats right a bitch so rich she got presidents that even on money! Now how ya'll “Shyanne is a blight on the community.” neighborhood watch type suckas gonna come at me. Neighborhood watch me leave ya'll ass in the projects while I'm living b-i-g in Beverly Hills." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Marianne.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MARIANNE NERDLY[/color][/font] “If Krista is wowed or impressed or bowled over by Montana, Mindy, Madison or any of the other non Nerdly girls then she really overestimates what lies beneath two hours worth of cosmetics. I'm the one she needs to pick because I'm a lifetime of magic. A relationship with any of the others is gonna last as long as Gweneth Paltrow's part in Pootietang.” We cut to the spacious driveway of a posh Hollywood Hills mini mansion, where palm trees and lush greenery hang over a solid stone fence. In front of a three car garage with Spanish title roofing stands is a bleacher where the ten girls stand anxiously awaiting the star of the love. They don't have to wait much longer as Krista, holding about six shopping bags, and Terry Taylor, holding about nine more, approach the driveway from a Porsche parked out on the street. KRISTA So I said to her “Listen if you didn't want me to run over your kid, maybe you should've thought about that before I decided to drive on sixteen bottles of Heiniken. Jeez” (Krista notices the women starring at her). Damn it Terry Taylor, how many times do I have to tell you? You have a hotel room, send your hookers there! TAYLOR They aren't hookers, Krista. Its the Look Of The Love, remember? The reality show! They've been advertising it on HeldDOWN.... KRISTA Oh, honey, nobody watches that crap. TAYLOR Don't you remember.... KRISTA Terry, its four o'clock and I'm on my tenth tequila of the day, I don't remember much past my own measurements, “Fabulous-Beautiful-Outstanding.” Of course, I remember the Look Of Love. Girls, let me give you an official welcome to the Look Of Love House. Ignore the hooker comment I'm sure you're not...uh...well...communists? This is my assistant, Terry Taylor. Normally I keep him in his cage when people are around. But today's a special occasion. Basically, I'm looking for somebody to love, and to love me back with all their heart. And I am in desperate need. Not even lying. I'll be totally honest with you, my dog is getting more action then me. Granted, its with a stuffed doll of Daphne from Scooby Doo, but still. Daphne won't even return my phonecalls since she caught me cheating with Betty Ruble. The women laugh. KRISTA In order to figure who's best for me, I need a criteria for judging. So, with a nod to exploitative, sexist, and shallow television throughout history, you ladies will be judged on several categories. Personality... TAYLOR Hahahahahah! KRISTA I know, right. I almost had myself believing that one also. Personality, uh-huh, when monkeys fly out of my ass, and Dane Cook says something makes anyone over the age of fourteen laugh! I digress. As always. I and the rest of the judgmental and overly bitter American public will look at beauty, style how well you fit into my celebrity lifestyle... TAYLOR And how well you fit into a threesome with Shayne from the L Word! TONY TOURETTES SLUT! TAYLOR Let's hope so! The rest of the girls turn to Tony who has somehow gone unnoticed on the bleachers. KRISTA (shocked at hearing a man's voice) Tony Tourettes? What in the name of Krista Isadora Duncan, your lord and savoir, say amen.. WOMEN AMEN! KRISTA Are you doing here? TAYLOR He threatened a gender discrimination law suit if we wouldn't let him on the show. KRISTA Terry, the only words he knows are cunt, bitch, whore, fuck, shit, and piss. The first three being words commonly used to describe Theodore Moneymaker's mother, the fourth being what she'll do to anyone for an 8 ball of coke and twenty bucks, and the last two being what she'll swallow for thirty six grams of Colombian pure. Ah, well think of all the funny little stories my mother can spin out of this. This is grade A fodder for a bitch like her! GENEVIVE DUNCAN (off screen) My ears are burning. KRISTA (shouting in annoyance) Yeah, well, that's one of the occupational hazards of being Satan's servant, your demoness. Much to Krista's disgust and chagrin, her mother, attired in a flowing fuschia gown and huge lensed matching sunglasses trots onto screen, accompanied by her tuxedoed driver who looks like he could be CPA's brother. The women react with shock in awe as the older version of Krista strolls into the area. KRISTA What are you doing here? Usually you send your flying monkeys. Or did you come to tell me you've discovered a way to freeze dry evil so I can drink it when you're not around. GENEVIVE Just raiding your liquor cabinet, need something to wash down the brand new prescriptions of percecets. Shh don't tell the feds. Darling, do tell, what is going on around here? Children of the corn class reunion? KRISTA Its the Look Of Love! GENEVIVE And who might that be, my precious little carpet munch? KRISTA Don't call me that! Ugh! GAH! Don't you remember?! Its only been advertised on HeldDOWN every week! GENEVIVE Oh, honey, nobody watches that crap. KRISTA You helped set the whole thing up? Remember? The VH1 reality show? It was half you're idea? GENEVIVE Krista, its four o'clock and I'm on my tenth tequila of the day, I don't remember much past my own measurements, “Fabulous-Beautiful-Outstanding.” Of course, I remember the Look Of Love, honey. Now why are all the hookers rug munchers? KRISTA Because...I'M A LESBIAN! GENEVIVE Oh, honey, no you're not, you're just bad with the fellas... Without warning or prompting, Genevieve loosens up the first six buttons on Krista's dress shirt to reveal more of her massive cleavage. TAYLOR (staring at Kristas boobs) You should come around more often, Miss Duncan! GENEVIVE See, honey, now you're good with the fellas! KRISTA(pulling rhinestone belts out of one the shopping bags and waving them at Terry) Hey look, belts, pick the one you wanna be strangled with! While Terry mulls his options, Krista turns to her mother. KRISTA Can you leave? GENEVIVE Funny, that's what I asked you when I was pregnant with you, and no matter how many trips to the Haitian witchdoctor I took, you just stuck around. Like a cyst. Darling, do you have any idea of how many hours I was in labor with you? KRISTA No. GENEVIVE Neither do I, I was on so much morphine and heroin in the seventies I don't remember anything beyond a little whoohoo with that Regan fellow. KRISTA You never had an affair with Ronald Regan! GENEVIVE I'm talking about Nancy, ya goof! TONY Fuck that shit bitch, eat a muthafukkin' dick, chew on a prick and lick a million muthafukkin' cocks for seconds! Genevieve stares intently at Tony, stunned in disbelief at his vulgar language. Krista begins inching towards her mom, ready to hold her back from a violent outburst against the strange superstar. GENEVIVE Oh, honey, I like you! Krista, pick her! That's the muff diver for you! Only the best for my little carpet licker! KRISTA Have you been gargling with bong water?! Get out! Get out! Get out! GENEVIVE Fine, honey, fine. My jokes are too good for poor people anyway. Oh by the way, honey, how do you like my outfit? No panty line because no panties! TAYLOR :0 KRISTA (shaking her head) Oh, there was just no preparing for that one. Granting Krista a momentary reprieve from hell, Genevieve retreats into the house to most likely raid the liquor cabinet that has been graciously provided by VH1. KRISTA Forgive her, she has a heart condition. She doesn't have one. All the cosmetic surgery has made a her little loco she's gone to Mexico for a facelifts so many times, I bet if you wacked her head with a baseball bat, prizes would fall out. Hey, I have an idea, let's find out! Correctly sensing that Krista is actually serious, Montana speaks up to try and prevent a nasty situation. MONTANA Uh, what should we do while you go MLB 2K9 on your ma mere? KRISTA Oh, right, you girls. Well, back to you all, you're gorgeous, you're hot, you're sexy, when I look at you all I can think about is sex with my ex-girlfriend. But, aside from that, we're going to have a great time, I'm going to learn all about you, and I'm going to get know every single one of you, better then maybe you know yourselves. So why don't you go inside, the neighborhood satanic cult is just finishing up sacrificing a virgin, and once they clear James Riggs off the table, we can get started. WOMEN Whoooo! The girls file off into the house, still screaming and whooing over the chance to talk with Krista. We fade out from that scene with Krista and Terry turning to each other and shaking their heads into “confessional” of Krista sitting in a room with velvet pink walls, and strange steel bars forming an unusual structure in the background. KRISTA I'm looking forward to this, I think I can truly find someone. Look at Flava Flav, He's proof that its never to late to look for love. If an odd looking shriveled up Hershey's kiss like him can find fifteen nappy headed hos to toss his salad, I gotta be able to find one girl to love me! [color="#800080"]NEXT WEEK[/color] [color="#FF00FF"]GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU[/color] Krista gets close to the girls. And one is forced to go home [color="#FF00FF"]NEXT WEEK[/color] [color="#800080"]The Look Of Love[/color]

From the 18,000 seat Monterrey Arena ooooooh pretty! remember this show replaces HD that week. Send everything to Tony

this is shocking i may actually have the look of love done for the show. gasp

MOTY CREDITS Zack Malibu KC P.O'Green ENTERTAINING SEGMENT OF THE YEAR CREDITS P.O'Green Tony149 (even though he tried not to take credit!

Television MOTY HeldDOWN 8/4-Tag Team Scramble Cage Match to crown the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. Three Titles HI-YAH Tag Team Championship, WDW Tag team Championship, OAOAST World Tag Team Championship All alike in dignity In fair Minneapolis where we lay our scene From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean From forth the fatal brawl of these seven foes The Heavenly Rockers WDW Tag Team Champions Team Heyross The Global Party Exchange HI-YAH Tag Team champions The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew D*LUX The South Central Militia OAOAST world tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks A group of star-crossed titles are unified One and Only World Tag Team Championship HeldDOWN~! August 2nd, Minneapolis, Minnesota Tag Team Scramble Cage Match to crown the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. The view returns to the arena where a sold out (and ripped off) crowd is on it's feet in anticipation of the long waited unification match. The camera focuses on Micheal Buffer who begins his opening announcement BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for the seven team Scramble Cage Unification Match to determine who will be crowned the One and Only World Tag Team Champions! The rules are as follows, the match will start out with two teams, with the other five to enter at random intervals. In order to be eliminated a team must either be pinned or submitted. The last remaining team is the new One and Only World Tag Team Champions. Let's meet the first two teams! COLE I can't wait! The harsh opening of Cross That Line by Rick Ross fills the arena with a deep sense of dread. As the audience murmurs with anticipation, the formerly bright lights morph into a troubling blue hue. Convict....Convict....Convict Up front Yeah.... Convict Music While the haunting piano melody heightens the tension in the venue, scenes of The South Central Militia's special brand of havoc blaze across the Angletron, showing the alarmed fans what type of savage aggression the men who are soon to arrive are capable of. Oooooh ooooh oooooh If you ever cross that line I guarantee ya there'll be nothin' to save ya (save ya, save ya) I got a whole bunch of gorillas ready to pull the trigga And we all for that paper (paper) Comin' from a life of crime Tryna be on my best behavior You see my rep's gettin' bigger but still that same nigga bustin' shots at them haters (them haters, them haters) But only if you cross that line The colossal bass of Rick Ross' street anthem booms through the venue, heralding the arrival of the first team. The entrance doors shoot apart, and jeers rise into the air as The South Central Militia steps through a cloud of smoke to take position on the entrance ramp. Wearing a pair of flared Red Monkey Jeans, decorated by a Chinese feudal map, and a black LRG throwback track jacket, Vincent Santana throws his arms out to his side, and unleashes a feral growl into the streams of blue light that flare about him. The glowing streams spark beautifully across his sleek body as he releases his deep rooted rage upon the viewing world. His partner, wearing Artful Dodger Jeans with a blue gothic pattern on the side, and a t-shirt boasting a giant symbol of a grenade, stands in solemn menace, intimidating any unlucky enough to meet his gaze. BUFFER From the mean streets of South Central Los Angeles, they are Vincent Santana, Marcellus Wallace, the South Central Militia! The spectators welcome the end of the introduction with more disdain for these sickening goons. Quite dissimilar to many teams, who usually don't pay attention to such disrespect from the audience, the natives of South Central dish out verbal trashing to each attendee they encounter until they reach the squared circle. They dive into the ring, and ascend to opposite turnbuckle where their fists pump into the air in defiant triumph. The camera rotates around their rebellious ritual, as the chilling blue lights continue to dance along the ringside area. COLE Former tag team champions, The South Central Militia. Unlucky number one, but if anyone can overcome the odds it's these two. Now, folks, when the cage is lowered you'll see platforms on each corner, those can be used by competitors to launch any manner of high risk aerial assaults on their rivals. COACH Enough about that! Who is team two? Who is starting this match? Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! COLE Oh my! A red pyro waterfall illuminates the entrance stage, and all eyes lock onto the currently vacant entranceway. The pep rally drum beats of Girlfriend rip to life while the red waterfall is courted by a beautiful pink pyro fountain. Standing next to the gorgeous display of pyrotechnics are miniature Angletrons, showcasing COD's entrance video, a highlight reel filled with clips of their breathtaking moves, interspersed with fly through images of the City of Angels, and shots of the champions in various seductive poses. COACH Watch out for your ears, Cole! BOOOOOM!!! A violent explosion of gold pyro destroys the once docile pyrotechnics showing, and causes the capacity crowd to put forth a gargantuan cheer. As the smoke clears, Krista Isadora Duncan emerges through the hazy remnants of the fireworks. She sports a stomach exposing red Obey™ tank top that reads "Make Art. Not War" and a black open sided mini skirt that reveals her entire left leg, a show of skin that's always a crowd favorite! Her baby blue eyes cut a hole through her ring based rivals, while she strikes an alluring pose for the screaming audience. BUFFER And the champions, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are the OAOAST world tag team champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! Amidst the resonating cries Alix Maria Spezia bounces through the entrance way in a white tie-up front tube top that's cropped all the way to the chest and white booty shorts. Although her fur wristbands, scarf, and leg warmers are fake, the excitement of the fans is very real as they watch her settle down long enough to join hands with Krista. Krista twirls Alix around, then pulls her into her arms. Alix turns over her shoulder and blows a cute kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. COLE Los Angeles represent tonight! Two teams born and raised in the city of angels kicking it off in the quest to become the One and Only World Tag Team Champions. Chicks Over Dicks are fresh off their win at Syndicated over Jade Rodez and Mackenzie, wearing a little bit more clothes tonight. COACH These mamis was looking good enough to eat at Syndicated! But how are they gonna survive six other teams? How are they gonna outlast Team Heryoss or The Rockers? When the girls reach the ring, Alix grabs Krista by the waist and hoists her on the apron with startling ferocity that Krista wouldn't expect from the normally submissive Alix. With her ego swelled to bursting by the unparalleled adulation of the audience, Alix coolly reclines against the apron. She feels the smoothness of Krista's legs coil around her bare stomach, and her body tingles in immediate response. While Ally stands lost within the rapture of the pleasuring touch, Krista passes a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. Finally the champions enter the ring, and the cage lowers around them. COLE Earl Hebnner and Billy Silverman have been assigned to handle this contest and they'll have their work cut out for them tonight. I don't envy them in the least! Silverman calls for the bell and the match is underway. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Neither team wastes any time in kicking off this epic match, as all four members dart towards the ropes. The SCM return to the center of the ring, wielding murderous lariats. Thankfully for the health of the fan favorites, they shoot beneath the approaching weapons, and continue their jog. Once they reach the cables, they use them as catapults to springboard themselves back to their foes with stereo dropkicks! Marcellus is wiped out by Alix with ease, but the quicker Santana sidesteps Krista's shot. She's able to land on her feet, but has to deal with the incoming lariat from the thug. The blond beauty rolls beneath his attack, but Whitey keeps his arm extended and floors an unaware Alix! Outraged over her partner's downfall, Krista eyes vengeance. She leaps onto the third cable, and hurls her moonsaulting figure towards her rival. While she connects perfectly with his frame, her landing is far from a happy one, as he catches her onto his scrawny shoulders. Her platform boots kick and pound his back in an effort to win freedom, but it's of little use, and he streams forward and hurls her into the steel wall. The structure vibrates mightily against the horrific impact, and soon the ring does the same as Krista's limp body plummets to the canvas. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” Her body screaming in agony, KID has a monstrous time willing herself upright. Once she does, her muddled vision spots the terrible sight of a body splashing Santana. Her instinct is to immediately dive away, but her wobbly legs refuse to do such. Thus she can only emit tortured screams once Vinny's knee explodes onto her skull. COACH Dayum! These boys have come to win! Krista's battered bones sink towards the mat, and her body trembles from the shockwaves of the incredible pain. Left at the mercy of the brute, she's ripe for an early elimination, or worse yet, further beatings. Thankfully, her girlfriend heroically comes to her aid, rifling her fur covered wrist bands into Vinny's back. Though the attacks do little damage to Whitey, they accomplish her task of distracting him from Krista. Unfortunately, he now sets his feral gaze on Alix. Ally tries to appeal to him with some zen wisdom, “Now, now Vincent, anger serves his own master. Buddha be with you” Needless to say Ally's trickery doesn't meet with much success and Whitey's BAPE shoes flash out with a yakuza kick! The Hollywood Bad Girl cleverly evades the attack by handspringing backwards. Unfortunately her agile moves bring her into the clutches of One-Eye, who snares her into a wheel barrel suplex. She's foisted into the sky, where her hands instantly search for a bull dog counter. However, Whitey snuffs out that move by weaving past her curled locks, and trapping her inside an inverted 3/4th face lock. From there the duo ravages her neck with a brutal wheel barrel neckbreaker! The Minnesota crowd reacts with disgust and horror at Alix's decimation and peppers the ring with boos. Ignoring the negative fans, Wallace attempts a pinfall that's scored by referee Billy Silverman.... ONE TWO Krista miraculously destroys the count; using Santana's skinny physique as a launching pad, she soars through the skies towards an unaware Wallace. Her spiked heels impale his corn rowed head and leave him uttering howls of misery. “YEAAAAAA!” Though Alix is safe for the time being, Krissy is placed in grave danger, as the treacherous Santana descends upon her. His bony fingers weave through her sun bathed hair, and uses it as a leash to cruelly yank her upright. She's shoved between his jeaned legs, as a despicable smirk slips onto his face. Her immediate thought is to sink to hier knees, and shoot his testicles through his throat with a low blow. But by the time she actually has that thought, her million dollar body is being drug through the air by a powerbomb! Her mouth pours out a torrent of screams, as her sadistic rival crashes her back into that of her grounded girlfriend's. Alix's body bucks and thrashes and her mouth wails against the mat. She's totally powerless to control herself as the misery pushes out constant cries of terror. As if the sounds of Alix's pain weren't bad enough for KID, Vinny hoists her skywards for a second powerbomb. The collision with the mat is every bit as brutal as the previous powerbomb, and the ring earthquakes at the impact. Pleased with the damage done, Santana holds his whimpering enemy into a pinfall. ONE TWO Amazingly Krista calls upon the strength to kick out, and the crowd is thrilled as a result. One-Eye, however, is adamant that Silverman's count was unusually slow, and gives him a vulgar earful. COACH Cole, it's only a matter of time before the SCM eliminate COD! While One-Eye berates Silverman, his comrade furthers the task of annihilating the OAOAST tag champion. He traps into a double underhook, then promptly strikes her with a double arm DDT! Though the move was certainly delivered with enough power to hold Krista down for the three count, a pin doesn't appear to be forthcoming. No a top turnbuckle based One-Eye Wallace demands that more carnage by inflicted upon his rival. He eyes down her crippled bones with bestial glare, steadying himself to obliterate her with a moonsault(!). COLE Marcellus is a heck of a natural athlete, but a moonsault? He can't pull that off. Indeed he can't, due to Alix dropkicking his legs from under him! The confused gang banger sinks downwards, where his balls of steel are crushed by the steel of the turnbuckle! “YEAAAAA!” Though the audience is delighted, Santana is understandably infuriated. He locks onto Alix with another yakuza kick, but finds the elusive lass impossible to hit. Thus his boots collide perfectly with the back of his partner, leaving a deep red foot print in his coffee colored skin. As the crowd's cheers grow louder, Ally floors Whitey with a dropsault! Caught by a surge of adrenaline, Alix sings “My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R. My bologna has a last name it's M-E-SOMETHING-SOMETHING-I'm just gonna go to the top turnbuckle now, okay?” Making good on her promise, the Los Angelenia joins the Los Angelino at the highest point of the ring ropes. Putting aside the immeasurable pain she's caused him, he rises to his feet in order to pound the perky babe with punches. However, this plays right into his plan, as she stuffs his head between her lean thighs. The murmur of anticipation for Ally's planned attack is almost deafening, and the audience can hardly contain themselves when she executes her coup de grace. She does a graceful front flip that hauls herself and One Eye off the ropes and sends them plummeting through the skies. While Alix lands on the seat of her booty shorts, Wallace is far less lucky, finding his brain reduced to mush by a top rope Burning Sensation When You Urinate! "FUCKING AWESOME! FUCKING AWESOME!" the spectators holler. COLE Not for Wallace it wasn't! Alix attempts a pin and the crowd counts along. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Vinny breaks up the pin with an elbow drop! The crowd is displeased with his interference, but he pays them no mind as he yanks Alix's upright by her arm. Her head is trapped within a front facelock, and before she can think of mounting an escape effort, Vinny wounds her neck with an Implant DDT! The attack stings fiercely and Alix's face contorts with pain. “SCM BTK AOK!” Vincent belts in glory above his vanquished opponent. COACH South Central Militia Born To Kill, Always Out Killing! Santana begins directing a wave of stomps towards Alix's injured neck, causing the girl to throw out tortured cries with each blow. Finally he ceases his stomping, but does so only in order to drive his elbow into her throat. Suddenly, and without warning, the countdown clock appears on screen, distracting Vincent from his slaughter of the helpless maiden. The fans are eager to count along with the logo, 5 4 3 2 1! COLE Who will it be? The answer to the million dollar question is a team who's arrogance is worth it's weight in diamonds and gold...THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREW. Eazy Lover fails to lull the crowd into a peaceful mood, and the first sight of the HI-YAH tag team champions is met with large round of boos. Outfitted in plain beige pants, the king of the Fro, Lucius Soul grooves out onto the stage with a toothsome smile taking hold of his face. At his side is his pornstache stroking associate, Rico De Janiero, clad in his classic Brazilian flag trunks. The suave grappler holds both belts in his hands and foists them towards the green and yellow lights that hover above. COACH This is what I'm talking about! HI-YAH tag team champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! Took those belts from D*LUX, and now they're looking to take him an even bigger pair of titles. Rico saunters down the entry way, flaunting his spray on tan towards the finest ladies the front row has to offer. Soul is another story entirely. The native of The Big Easy darts down the ramp, and begins climbing his way up the cage. Inside the ring, Santana recollects the heated confrontation his team had with the Crew, and is struck by a bolt of rage. This bolt of rage charges him up the steel meshing. Whitey and Soul's eyes meet in flaring fury, and their vulgar mouthes exchange insults as they prepare to exchange punches. Once they both reach the zenith of the structure they unleash a calvary of destructive strikes. With every landing blow their heads bob backwards, and their bodies inch dangerously close to a grizzly plummet. The crowd sits on the edge of their seats, in awe of the high octane slug fest. COLE These two are insane! Get down from there! All of a sudden the brawl is impeded, and Whitey appears to be moving further and further away from the cage. His dismayed eyes, along with the camera, pan downwards to see that he's been elevated onto the buff shoulders of Rico. While Vinny struggles to be free of this unwanted roost, Lucius makes his way onto the top of cage. Though the fans, and even his partner, appear to be in total shock at his death defying actions, Soul is a pillar of smooth calm. With one flick of his fro, the pimp sails from his post, with arm extended into a clothesline! COLE Oh my! Santana knew the move was coming, and braces himself tightly, but that does nothing to prevent the awful pain that comes from Soul's amazing lariat! All three fighters thud into the canvas, but it's only Santana with grunts of anguish. “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” The Wrecking Crew exchange exuberant high fives, acting as though that single move was enough to earn them the tag titles. They're quickly shown they have a long road to travel, when a fist swinging One Eye accosts them. Wallace holds his own against the HI-YAH champions, using his sheer power to run them ragged about the ring. Eventually, the Casanovas are able to use their numbers advantage to emerge from the sea of punches, where they paste him with elbow shots. The blows push One-Eye into the ropes, but it's not a position he holds for very long, as they whip him towards the opposite end of the ring. When he rebounds, their heads are lowered in order to impale his midsection. However, the thug counters these efforts by sending his Timbaland boot into Soul's chest. Hearing his partner crash into the canvas, causes Rico to shoot himself upright in alarm. But he fails to stage a suitable defense and is bulldozed with a lariat for his folly! “MARDI GRAS SUCKS! MARDI GRAS SUCKS!” the audience bleats. Just as soon as De Janeiro is felled, does Soul rise to his feet, continuing the war against the Militia member. Moving with ungodly speed, Soul strikes fast, lifting Wallace onto his shoulders in a standing fireman's carry. Before Wallace can even begin to fight free, “Sweet” flings him forward for the lethal Fro 2 Sleep! But in an uncharacteristic show of agility, Wallace manages to coil his arm around Soul's neck, and punish the youngster with a DDT! The staunchly anti-Mardi Gras fans greet the reversal with a round of applause. Any kindness given to the SCM by the fans is suddenly transferred to Krista Isadora Duncan, who weaves her arms around his. She puts forth a mighty bout of strength in order to twist him around, so that his helpless neck rests beneath her back. Within seconds his entire body is driven to the ground by the tremendous force of her Unprettier. The ovation from the stands is constant and huge. But there's little time for Krissy to celebrate, given that the pesky Santana has reintroduced his unwelcome presence. His head tucks beneath her arm, and his hands latch onto her rhinestone belt. He foists her up then casually impales her onto the ring cables. Though the attack isn't overly pain inducing, it's enough to have the fitness queen grimacing in discomfort. Mere moments later, Santana is struck by his own bout of discomfort as Rico begins pasting him with kicks to the gut. COLE We still have three more teams left to go, Coach. COACH Yeah, and whoever comes out last is going to have easy pickings. Santana fights back against the bevy of punches, smashing his tapped fist into Rico's nose. But the Mardi Gras' number advantage comes back into play once Soul begins firing knife edge chops into Vinny's frame. His feeble chest unable to take the punishment, Santana wilts underneath the assault, and his foes are able to easily trap into a front face lock. “SHAVE YOUR FRO! SHAVE YOUR FRO!” the fans chant to Lucius. While he demands silence from the crowd, Soul helps his comrade drag Vinny's six feet four inches into the sky. They promptly fall backwards, crushing his spine with a vertical suplex. But their damage doesn't end there; they roll through the move and punish their enemy with a second suplex! Figuring that a third time is a charm, the despised heels lift Vincent up once more. Yet instead of striking him with the pedestrian hold, they violently tilt their bodies backwards which causes Whitey's back to slam into the steel caging! As the structure wobbles unsteadily, The Wrecking Crew curse Vincent with their most powerful attack yet, a double brainbuster! COACH Woah! Even the fans can't help but be impressed by the high impact hold, and applaud the showing. Beneath the sound of their claps comes Billy Silverman counting Soul's pinfall. ONE TWO THREE! NO! SANTANA KICKS OUT COLE Folks, I'd hate to do this, but we will be back with more HD after this! COMMERICAL BREAK The mainevent returns in the middle of a fiery brawl between the Wrecking Crew and The Militia. Santana bounds off the ropes with full intention of decapitating Soul with a monstrous lariat. However his charge is clumsy and unwieldy, and thus “Sweet” is able to turn his momentum against him with a back body drop! Instead of splattering onto the beige canvas, Santana awkwardly lands within the arms of a waiting De Janiero. Those muscular pythons then thrust Whitey downwards with a powerbomb that rocks the ring! Soul leaps into the air, pumping his fist in wild celebration, as his ally attempts a pin... ONE TWO But Wallace breaks up the fall! Instantly The Wrecking Crew swarms upon the intrusive gangbanger, bruising and welting his chocolate skin with forearm smashes. COLE I'll tell you this right now, The Wrecking Crew is performing out of this world! FUCK DA WRECKING CREW. LA COUNTY MOTHERFUCKING REPRESENT! Wallace's fellow Californians, Alix and Krista, lend him a hand in dealing with the dominant HI-YAH champions. They peel Soul away from his victim, and launch him into the cables. As he nears them, their flashy footwear brings them into the skies, where their lovely legs batter the pimp with double spinning wheel kicks! “YEAAAAAA!” With his partner noticeably absent, Rico is far less equipped to deal with the enraged the brute, and actually tries to make a play for the entrance door! But Wallace affords him no chance to escape and tugs onto the seat of the pants to keep him ring bound. Wallace's escape prevention has an unfortunate (fortunate?) side effect of granting the camera a shot of Rico's hairy ass crack. COLE YES! COACH WHY? Fortunately, Wallace releases his hold on the tights so that they may return to covering the Brazilian's jungle of love. Unfortunately for Rico, Wallace promptly floors him with a polish hammer! A few inches down the ring, Soul fares no better then his co-champion, left flat on his back and under a shroud of anguish. Above him Alix tosses a cute kiss towards her girlfriend. Krissy catches it on her hand, then delicately places it on her cheek, before her bubblegum pink lips return the sweet gesture. Alix snatches the kiss into her left hand, but instead of gently attaching it to her cheek, the receiving hand darts downward, palm smacking the playa dead in the face! “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” Soul's situation soon degenerates from bad to irreparably awful, when America's sweethearts each take hold of a khaki pants leg. Their lips meet for a quick but loving kiss, that generates quite the buzz from the stands. Once their innocent show of affection is complete, their less then innocent move begins. They dip backwards, bringing a squealing Soul off the apron, and hurtling him through the air with a slingshot. His body blasts against the cage, and the steel wiring cuts brutally through his skin, decorating it with red blood marks. Suffering lines his face and he can barely stay conscious as gravity pulls him back towards the ring. But he's shocked wide awake by a spark of pain when the SoCal babes nail him a double lung blower! The fans are ecstatic with COD's display of dominance and bath them with cheers. “Westside ballas, babay, strictly pimpin!” Alix shouts, mocking Soul's playa persona. COLE Now the OAOAST champions are starting to find their groove! Elsewhere, the other half of the HI-YAH champions is starting to find that the South Central Militia are a remorselessly impossible set of opponents. Their hands snake around his neck suffocating his appeals for peace into thin gargles for mercy. “Yo, what time is it, Whitey?” Wallace asks through platinum grills. “I think it's time to put this cokehead faggot in a body bag!” “God damn right it is!” Wisely realizing that the SCM's deathly double team finisher is on the horizon, the South American produces a fantastic effort to be free of their clutches. He bucks and thrashes against their death grip, but meets with little success. Thusly he resorts to a cheap shot and sends his boots into each of their testicles. As the crowd reacts with great negativity to his actions, Rico further debilitates his rivals by slamming their faces into the turnbuckles. The once fearsome brutes are now reduced to grousing and moaning wrecks. However, their weakened state fails to convince Rico to stay within the confines of the cages, and the HI-YAH champion decides to take his long since aborted vacation. Leaving his partner to fend for himself. De Janeiro groggily stumbles through the entry door, earning a good chunk of crowd heat in the process. His strong, arrogant accent, demands that he be left alone, but his rudeness only increases their venom. That is until the countdown appears on the screen. 5 4 3 2 1 COLE We've got another one! In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard can you say uhhh na na na na... “YEAAAAAAAA!” The peppy beats of O-Town's anthem brings the capacity crowd to it's feet in honor of the OAOAST legends. Through parting entrance doors emerges one of the most controversial tag teams of their day, The Global Party Xchange. Attired in unnervingly menacing black leather pants, the team that danced and bopped their way into two tag team title reigns, now marches with sinister expressions towards their third tag title reign. As they strode down the ramp, white and red spotlights wave across the venue, making the arena feel like it's been plunged into Satan's personal rave. COLE The Global Party Exchange. If you wanna talk about a team with a history in the OAOAST, these are the men to look at. Two time tag team champions, winner of the first ever Anderson Cup, and have been involved in some of the biggest, most personal fueds in OAOAST history. The accolades and cheers heaped upon the two superstars means very little to De Janeiro, who greets their arrival with nothing short of bitterest disdain. Snarling like a lunatic madman he goes to confront the pair, wielding a pair of haymaking arms. While Jackson just cruises right by him and enters the cage, the hot headed Scotty Static refuses to back down to the oiled up hard body. Punches quickly flare between them, hitting with deadly accuracy and leaving bruises upon every last point of impact. “G-P-X! G-P-X!” the audience yells. Despite the words of encouragement from the audience, Static doesn't succeed in overpowering his rival. Rather, De Janeiro wraps his hands through his unruly surfer cut and throws him into the cage! To Rico's dismay, Static shows few ill effects from the attack, and simply repays the unkindness to the Brazilian! Unlike, Double S, the South American can't stomach the anguish, and collapses to the mats with blood spilling from his nose. COLE It's going to get a little crowd inside that cage! Elsewhere, Johnny Jackson introduces himself to the proceedings by smashing his forearm into Vincent's jaw. He then hurls the stunned grappler into the aisleside ropes. Santana springs off the cables with great speed, but is caught within Jackson's waistlock, and propelled into the cage by a release German Suplex! Just as soon as his bones touch the mat, Jackson approaches him with arms outstretched. Vinny thrashes wildly against the incoming bonds, his hands clawing at Jackon's leather clad legs. Johnny pays little heed to the hysterics, and hauls Vincent off the mat. He calmly knees him in the stomach, leaving him stunned and breathless, and allowing him to put Vinny into a front waistlock. JJ then rips him off the canvas, and his lanky figure snaps into the harsh metal from the belly to belly suplex! An inhuman howl erupts from Vinny's throat, putting a smile on Jackson's face. COACH Good lawd! Leaving Vincent to wallow in his misery, Jackson moves down the ring to confront old enemy Alix Spezia. He catches the culinary sensation by surprise, pasting her with a succession of clubbing forearms. Alix withers under the pressure of the blows, and the excruciating pain yields a round of howls and shrieks. His arms snaps against her bare shoulder and a crimson welt rises from the deeply tanned skin. Soon the duties of dismantling Alix are distributed between two grapples, as Soul assists “Jam” with fierce strikes. He and Jackson wield their knees freely, dealing out painful lashes at the slightest hint of defiance. Only seconds later, One-Eye Wallace joins their efforts to rid the ring of COD's presence. Taking obvious pleasure in an opportunity to batter Alix, Wallace demands his cohorts still her wailing and crying body. Their brute strength traps her arms behind her back, and her eyes widen at the reality of her horrible fate. Deep throated screams spill from her throat the second Wallace's boot slams into her face. Released from her bonds, the champion drops like a stone to the mat. “BOOOOOOO!” As enraged as the crowd is Krista's anger burns with much more fire and intensity, and she instantly seeks retribution for her brutalized lover. The silver spikes of her heels tear through Jackson's gut, as her elbow plunges deep into his jaw. Alarmed by Krista's flurry, Soul looks to subdue her with a lariat. But she sweeps bellow his arm, spinning behind him to clasp her hands around his chin. The fans explode with cheers for her soon to come signature move! Their cheers expand enormously when she strikes “Sweet” with the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (reverse X-factor)! A heartbeat later, the golden haired beauty is back on her feet, eyes locked onto Jackson. Like Soul, Johnny's weapon of choice is a lariat. And like Soul Johnny is dealt a crushing blow by the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one!! "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" Not having learned the lessons of his fallen foes, the stubborn One-Eye makes his own lariat bid, and gets easily wiped out by the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one!]! Now it's Santana's turn to try his hand at the surging fitness model. Unlike his foolish predecessor, Vincent employs a yakuza kick to floor Krista. But the results remain the same; a Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one!! The fans cheers threaten to level the ring to it's very foundation, as the OAOAST champion makes a pivotal cover on Santana. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE!! COLE The Militia is finished, Coach! They're done! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, The South Central Militia have been eliminated! The dumbstruck Wallace freezes in shock, unable to tell if this is all part of some horrific nightmare. While referee Earl Hebner tries to convince him that he's very much awake, the remaining teams continue the fight without second thoughts to the departed Militia. Crazed blue eyes glow with feral rage, as Krista bares her fangs at the slowly rising Jackson. An icy smile lifts the corner of her pink lips when she flashes forward with her spear. Both competitors crash to the canvas, but it's the grousing Jackson who takes the brunt of the harsh impact. Fortunately for the Jammer, his partner grants him a moment of respite by shucking Krista away from him. The frenzied high flyer falls upon his rival, tearing at her with manic punches. She manages to fight her to her feet past the wave of fists, but can do no more then that before Static locks her down into a back suplex position. She's drug into the air in preparation for deadly back drop driver, but at the height of the move the foxy mommy flips free of his hold and lands perfectly on her feet. And trust me landing on high heels ain't exactly easy. Before Static can even register that Krissy is no longer on his shoulders, her arms tighten around his neck in a side headlock. Dragging his hissing carcass along with her, Miss California darts to the ropes. Her shoes springboard off the cables, and her headlock takes care of the rest, savaging Static's face with a the springboard bulldog! As the crowd applauds her continued efforts, Hebner counts her latest pinfall.... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Jackson breaks up the pin with a harsh stomp towards Krista's head. Taking the woman by her lush locks, Jackson pulls her upright. The ill-mannered hellcat stages and admirable rebellion against his clutches, but he easily snuffs out her fire with a european uppercut. With his enemy temporally calmed, the party boy foists her high into the sky in an exploder suplex position. He twirls around, showcasing his prey to the now outraged audience, increasing their rage with each one of his contemptuous smirks. Finally he rifles her overhead, launching the fan favorite into the cage with his dangerous suplex! Krista sinks downward, shoes clanking against the metal, cries bringing tears to the eyes of the younger fans faces. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” COLE Johnny Jackson and Scotty Static have just zeroed on the tag title tonight, no nerves, no anxiety, just killer precision from these two. In spite of the immense anguish she feels, Krista tries to use the ropes to drag her self up, as she feels Jackson and Static draw near. There's little time for her to effort a suitable defense before Jackson's boots leave their mark on her exposed left thigh. Krissy grimaces in pain that only grows worse when Static's kick strikes her in the same location. Krista falls down to her knees, the pain preventing her from even standing up to look her assailants in the eyes. Sniffing blood in the water, the men smile to each other, as they prepare to bring COD's time in the match to a close. Static positions himself behind Krista as though he were attempting a backdrop suplex, but he varies the typical hold by awkwardly bending her left leg. The unnatural position her leg is put in causes her to squeal moans of torment. But these noises are ignored by Static as he lifts her into a shin breaker position. Instead of simply dropping her onto his knee, the 313 homeboy glides her to the ropes, and drops her shin first atop the cables! With the sorrowing lady tangled between ropes with no means of escape, Jackson zeros in on her. Once he nears her, he takes to the skies with a dropkick and flattens her head between his shoes and the cage! Krista crumbles away from the ropes, her head throbbing unmercifully from the impact, unable to hear the crowd urging her to continue the fight. COACH Ain't nobody using the cage better as a weapon then GPX. You got this block of steel all around you, might as well make use of it. COLE Yes but-- Before Cole can even finish his thought the countdown reappears on the screen. 5 4 3 2 1 COLE Now who do we have? Booming through the speakers is Biohazard's Punishmentand the crowd bursts with glee for the arrival of hometown boy, Charlie Moss. But their glee devolves into wrathful hatred when Moss emerges wearing a baseball jersey. Surely that's innocent enough, you say. Not if the baseball jersey belongs to the Detroit Tigers! Benjamin dumps an entire gallon of fuel to fire by showing up in a Yankees jersey. Why, Patty what could be wrong with that? Well, it's a Johan Santana Yankees jersey, alluding to the fact the Twins will probably have to trade to NY at the end of the season. So while our sports comedians and WDW tag team champions journey down the ramp, they're assaulted with a plethora of jeers and taunts. COACH The WDW champions, Cole! My pick to win it all! COD are battered and beaten, The Wrecking Crew is tiring, and how long can GPX keep up their rapid pace. Just survive The Rockers and D*LUX and Team Heyross wins it all! If the Wrecking Crew is truly worn down as Coach says, their's little evidence of it within the ring. Soul has trapped Jackson within the corner with a barrage of knife edge chops, while Rico resumes his hellish brawl with the smaller Static within the center of the ring. The Brazilian grabs Static into a side headlock, shortly before he switches into an arm lock. Much like the headlock the arm lock doesn't stay applied for very long, as De Janiero violently snaps his foe down to the canvas. However, the sudden movement loosened Rico's grip, and it's for this reason that Static is able to spring to his feet and away from a possible submission hold. The applause of the audience inform Soul that Rico wasn't able to upend Static. Thusly he breaks away from Johnny to blast Scotty with a lariat. Unfortunately his moment away from Jackson, provided Jam with all the time he needed to recover, he captures the unaware champion with a face crusher! “G-P-X! G-P-X! G-P-X!” Suddenly the noise of the audience maximizes to it's highest point of the contest. Confused by the sharp rise of audience noise, Jackson turns his head around, finding Charlie Moss perched upon the thin platform that rests on the corner of the cage. COLE What's he doing? Answering Cole's query, and delighting the fans, Moss dismounts his perch with a swan dive headbutt directed towards Soul! Camera flashes are strewn about the stands by audience members who wish to capture the high risk attack. What they end up capturing is Moss' gruesome failure, as Soul moves out of the way! “OOOOOOH!” COLE Oh no! While the majority of people seem to be wondering if Moss is even still alive after that terrible landing, Jackson couldn't care less about his welfare, and casually rolls him into a pinning predicament. Hebner scores the fall.... ONE TWO But Moss' time in the match is prolonged just a bit longer thanks to Benjamin's top rope leg drop slicing through Jackson's neck. Without hesitation, Benjamin shoves Johnny onto his back for a pinning predicament of his own... ONE TWO But, The Jammer manages to kickout well before the three. Unsure of how Jackson escaped the fall, Benjamin lifts his head to argue with Hebner. But instead of spotting the officials wrinkled face, his vision is clogged by the faux fur covered boots of one Alix Spezia! The Hollywood Bad Girl leads Benjamin off the canvas, and attempts to toss him into the ropes. However the amateur wrestling god reverses her hold, and those adorable little boots are sent trotting into the cables. But once she reaches the ropes, she ascends to the third one and uses it as a catapult to lionsault herself towards QB. Benjamin's excellent reflexes allow him to slide bellow her incoming missile. But he doesn't move far enough, as Alix is able to trap him into an inverted facelock on her descent! In one smooth motion, she twirls both their bodies around to strike him with a roll the dice! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” While the crowd continues to sing her name, Ally turns her grey eyes towards the struggling to stand Johnny Jackson, and inexplicably (very inexplicably) sings, “Rooooxanne! You don't have to put on the redlight, those days are over, you don't have to sell your body to the night. Roxane, you don't have to wear that dress tonight, walk those streets for money, you don't care if it's wrong if it's right. Roxaaaaanne, you don't have to put on the red light....” Soon the crowd joins in on her song, “ROXAAAANEEE!” “PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!” She responds back “ROXAAAANNNNE!” “PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!” “ROXXAAAAAANE!” “PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!” COLE Only in the OAOAST will an entire match stop for a song and dance number! Obviously not much of a Sting fan, Jackson swings wildly with a spin kick. But his crazed blow misses wildly, allowing Ally to slip beneath his leg and catch his jaw with a dropsault. Pain rakes his chin, but The Jammer somehow succeeds in staying upright. As such Alix's furry boots hammer his chiseled chest with a second dropkick! This latest attack sends the ATL native stumbling backwards into an axe handle smash from Rico De Janiero. Though the blow is delivered with incredible force it fails to stagger the youngster, who continues stumbling about the ring. The Hollywood hottie hits the ropes, managing to duck under a lariat from Quentin Benjamin in the process. Ally hits the other side of the ring and comes back to a reverse elbow from Jam, which she ducks with remarkable ease. On her next and final run, the twenty eight year old throws her lithe body into the air for a cross body block! Unfortunately, Jackson dives beneath her fast approaching body! But instead of crashing and burning into the canvas, she encounters a fate far worse, that of being caught within the arms of Rico. The foreigner's coarse hands take a moment to explore the tantalizing body that places perverse grin onto his face. “RICO SUCKS! RICO SUCKS!” chant the fans, enraged by his groping of their heroine. From out of no where, Krista flies in to distract the despicable grappler from her girlfriend. Alix's heart shatters as his raised effortlessly boot impales Krissy's skull. Krista pitches backwards, as his foot slides away from her, losing control of her body and crash landing next to Moss. Giving Krista no further attention, as though he just stepped on an ant, Rico swings Alix around and bashes her stomach across his knee. Her ribs already damaged from earlier, Alix feels a new jolt of pain rip across her torso. Pleased with the damage he's caused, the Brazilian efforts a pinfall that's scored by Silverman. ONE TWO Much to audience's grand joy, Alix pulls her shoulder off the canvas! COACH Alix and Krista are on borrowed time now! Indeed they are, and Alix struggles upright to try to turn the tides of fate towards her team's favor. As she angles around, her tear streaked eyes spot Lucius Soul fast approaching. She swings around just in time to smash her elbow full force into his skull. But even as Soul falls, does the unbearably sharp arms of Charlie Moss cut into her throat with a sleeper hold, and all at once she can't breathe. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” She gasps and slams her right elbow back into her attacker's gut and catches bone, not the soft solar plexus she had been going for. She draws her elbow forward again, and feels Moss shift position slightly, anticipating the blow. Hope fading by the second, Alix shifts her own weight, intending on trying to slip free of the hold. But as she turns her weakened knees buckle, and escape seems more impossible then ever. She moans and wails under the strength of his submission, and looks dangerously close to slipping into an unconscious abyss. Charlie rudely comments, “You're dead now, bi...” DIAMOND CUTTER BY ALIX! Ally's brilliant escape attempt generates a rocking ovation from the stands, but draws the obvious ire of Benjamin. His red boots slam repeatedly into her bare back, sending ripples of pain through every inch of her body. She cries underneath the ceaseless assault, begging for Krista to come to her aid. Suddenly the torrent of stomps comes to a close, but it's not due to any intervention from Krista. Rather it's due to Benjamin nonchalantly grabbing the plucky lass by her ankles. His grip is stronger then a bear trap, and despite her frenzied efforts to break free, she remains his unwilling prisoner. Free to do as he wishes with her, he flips her onto her back, grabs hold of both her bare legs, then rockets her high into the sky as if she weighed as much as a small poodle. His unorthodox attack causes her to endure a brutal head first landing on the mat that instantly sends the fans and the fallen Krista into a state of worry for their beloved Alix. QB, however, is unrelenting in his assault, dropping down to his knees and blasting away with huge amounts of firepower in the form of closed fists. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Elsewhere, Johnny Jackson foists Soul onto position for a powerbomb. But the move doesn't seem to be forthcoming, as Jackson is required to wait for Static to scale the cage to it's highest peak. Despite the incredible strain his muscles undergo from keeping Soul elevated, the wait appears to be worth it as he hears the crowd roar their approval. Finally both he and the fans are treated to magnificent stunt, as Static dismounts the cage! Tumbling through the air, he swings his arms forward, trapping his hands around Soul's neck as he sails past the grappler. “Sweet” is ripped from his nest on Jackson's shoulders and driven downwards with a blockbuster! Well above his distressed groans sit the huge cheer of the fans, and the arrogant boasting of the two time tag team champions. “G-P-X! G-P-X! G-P-X!” COLE Did you see that? Did you see that? COACH I saw it! Saying it twice isn't going to change that fact, you dumbass. GPX's victory bash is painfully short lived, as Soul's partner gains a measure of revenge by steamrolling Static with a running high knee. Just seconds after Scotty topples to the canvas, does Rico direct his mammoth rage towards Jackson. He slams a round of closed fists into the cruiserweight's face, weakening him enough to Irish whip him across the ring. When Jackson makes his return he finds his adversaries have maddeningly multiplied, as Charlie Moss stands at Rico's side. The pairing catch JJ with a double hip toss, but refuse to let him sink to the mat, instead forcing him to fall into their free arms. Without a word passed between them, the two champions fling Jackson skywards. Unable to see what's happening beneath him, he hollers in horror, as he feels one hand tighten around his neck, and another tie around his ankles. With no way of protecting himself, he's brutally victimized by the double team that spikes him into the canvas! COLE Oh! Pleased with his efforts, Rico begins to massage his now legendary porn stache. Unfortunately the porn stache is nearly kicked off his face by a thunderous superkick from Charlie Moss! Rico collapses to the mat in a convulsing heap, totally unaware of who or what just hit him. Smirking to himself, Moss makes a pin... ONE TWO But the buff muscle stud kicks out, pleasing absolutely no one who isn't named Lucius Soul. Yet, the pinfall is quick to be forgotten thanks to the appearance of the highly anticipated countdown clock.... 5 4 3 2 1 HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Kurt Cobain's ode to Courtney Love pumps into the Minnesota night, eliciting an enormous wave of jeers. Not a single soul is pleased to bear witness to the despised tag team known as the Heavenly Rockers. As the entrance doors part, the hatred the world feels for them is not lost on The Rockers. Clad in matching leather pants with golden angel wings on the back, and matching golden tank tops, the Sin City duo greets their less then adoring fanbase with a pair of one finger salutes. Logan then triumphantly beats his fist against his beefy chest, while Synth flexes his thin muscles in pure arrogance. COLE Former tag team champions, The Heavenly Rockers. We have had former pimps and drug dealers in this match, and I'd still rather see them hold the title before The Rockers. What totally classless fiends these two are. I hate seeing them out here, and the fans hate seeing them out here. In my opinion, and I'm sure this is shared by many of the fans, the Lonestar Gunslingers should be competing... COACH Don't make the mistake of finishing that thought. Aside from one fluke victory over Black T, what have The Gunslingers actually done besides get a hot manager? Nothing. The musical duo journeys down the ramp, Synth bopping his head to the acidic guitars, and Logan running his fingers through his permed black hair. The fans look on in total disdain, wishing that some decent soul would erase the hated heels from existence. Their prayers are answered. Two muscular young men, clad in mink fur coats, and paint splashed jeans, dive over guardrail. Curly brown hair flows behind them, as they evade security to make their way to an oblivious Rocker pair. COACH What the? Suddenly a gigantic cheer speeds through the arena, as these men are instantly recognized as The Sk8r Boiz! COLE Oh my god! Oh my god! The Boiz are back in town! The massive screams of the audience lead Logan and Synth to turn their head in confusion. But by the time they're aware of what's going down, Marvin and Melvin are flooring them with double lariats! While the crowd chants the Nerdly boys name, Logan quickly struggles towards his feet, Stricken with panic, he tries his damnedest to get to the safety of the cage. No such luck. Melvin latches onto his wispy hair, leading the superstar to scream in fear. His fears are well founded, as Melvin throws him stomach first into the steel barricades. With a look of pure hatred gripping his face, The Canadian marches towards Logan and batters him with a parade of stomps. COACH Somebody stop this! Synth would love to try and follow Coach's orders, but there's the tiny problem of Marvin belly to belly suplexing him back up the ramp. Synth's heavily tatooed figure crashes violently against the steel staging, delighting the sold out audience. They're even more pleased when Marvin storms forward to drive the point of his boot into his stomach. "SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!" Logan struggles towards the top of the ramp. His intention isn't to aid his fallen partner, however. He simply wishes to escape the unholy beating being laid upon him by Melvin. He can scarcely inch past Synth, before the well defined arms of Marvin begin terrorizing his back. Soon, Melvin joins in the crowd pleasing assault, and the Boiz manage to beat Logan backstage. Poor Synth is left on the floor, writhing in agony, unsure of what on earth just happened. COLE The Boiz are back in town, Coach! The Boiz are back in town! You don't mess with the Nerdly family and get away from it. That was for Melody! COACH This isn't right, Cole! No! No! The Rockers just got eliminated without even getting near the ring! What kind of crap is this? What kind of establishment is being ran here when the midcard tag teams can assault the superstar tag teams like that? "SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!" COLE Well, the fans don't have a problem with it, and neither do I! Back in the ring (yes, there's still match going on), Soul focuses himself on the duty of furnishing Krista's downfall. Taking hold of her trembling wrist, he leads her to her feet, then slings her into the cables. The ropes return her into a punch from Benjamin that shears her skull and rips her from her feet. She yells in rage and pain, thrusting a smile of intense gratification onto the duo's face. Affording her no time to recover from her wounds, Soul peels the champion from the canvas. His hand flicks out in a knife edge chop, tearing apart the fabric of her scanty criss cross halter top. He cocks his arm to deliver another flesh searing strike, but his offense is grounded to an abrupt halt when a chop explodes across his pecs. Eight more chops terrorize the now bloody flesh of each brawler, giving life to a rousing ovation from the audience. More motivated to protect their shredded flesh then effort any sort of attack, Benjamin and Soul dispatch their rival to the ropes. This tactic grants them a three second reprieve from her onslaught, but when the gorgeous gal returns she reintroduces them to a world of hurt, pummeling him with a double high flipping lariats! All three warriors sink to the canvas, rippling the ring with their extraordinary impact. LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! Despite being the aggressor, Krista's mounting injuries and misery make standing up an arduous effort. As her frail bones slog their way past the pain to stand upright, Jam sneaks behind her. When she stands fully erect, the ex champion springs forward, intending on flattening her with knee lift. But thanks to a quick glance towards the outfield scoreboard, Krista eyes the fast approaching warrior and slips out of the way! Unable to put the breaks on in time, Jackon's knees collide with Benjamin and Soul, sending the pair hurtling through the ropes and into the cage! All three gladiators land with a harsh thud, a wonderful sound to the millions of COD fans world wide. A wonderful sight for these fans would be Krista pinning of the three defeated opponents. But their beloved heroine can scarcely take a breath without feeling as though she's been shot COLE I think you're right, Coach, I think the curtain is finally closing on COD's eight month tag title reign. Several inches to her left, Rico and Scotty Static have snagged Alix into a back suplex position. As they tighten their hands around her white shorts, Rico plants a loathsome kiss onto her cheek. The horrid gesture the pulls a sob of despair from her quivering lips, and boos from the hateful audience. The jeers from the stands grow even louder once the pairing complete their double team, and punish their victim with a backdrop driver. Alix flops onto her stomach, where her sweat drenched brown hair spills in front of her, and tears puddle on the mat beneath her. Hearing Alix's sobbing unleashes a beast within in the bone weary Krista, and she strides towards the makeshift gang to rip their flesh to shreds. Unfortunately her ill health means she's poorly equipped to handle the much larger grapplers, and Static casually tosses her aside with an elbow into the gut. Rico watches in amusement as her body scissors in half, then topples to the ground. Amid the hate tinged noise of the crowd, he attempts a pin. ONE TWO But Krista kicks out, bringing the fans to their feet with cheers and applause! COLE Folks, we have to take a commercial break! We'll be back with more after this! COMMERICAL BREAK As we return to live action The Countdown is already underway. 5 4 COLE Almost time for D*LUX! 3 2 1 Right after the final count leaves the lips of the audience, Makes Me Wonder enters the arena to a raucous pop from a now standing crowd. Unlike the teams that have proceeded them, the boybanding duo waste no team with theatrical showmanship, instead charging down towards the ring to seek their glory. COLE Three time HI-YAH tag champions on their way to the fray. Their success has been limited since Jade Rodez left them, but here they have a chance to achieve triumph on all their own. Forget about triumph, D*LUX is having difficulty even achieving entrance into the cage! This is due entirely to the fact that the second they open the doors, the boots of Jackson and Static smash them to the outside mats. Watching the D*LUX duo squeak and squawk in a mixture of confusion in torment has the Party Exchange crowing with laughter. The audience is split between males for GPX and girls for D*LUX, and thus their voices mingle into a noisy, garbled mess. Beneath that mess, are the shouts of Hebner and Silverman, demanding that GPX refrain from such actions. But because there's no actual rule against what they did, Static just tells the officials to shut up and get lost. Brimming with anger, Brave throws himself onto the ring apron. But the second his shoes reach the surface he's struck by a Johnny Jackson lariat that propels him through the arena air. The crash landing leaves him stunned and breathless, and his chest stings from small cuts and abrasions. COLE Well, that's not right at all. D*LUX deserves their chance to get into the match! Figuring that D*LUX has been tempered for the moment, GPX turns their attention towards their more immediate rivals. Chiefly, OAOAST Tag Team Champions Chicks Over Dicks. Eyes flickering with predatory hunger, the party animals impatiently wait for the distressed Krista to step to her feet. When she rises fully upright, her wobbly body is trapped within the confines of Static's front facelock. Without the energy to mount a suitable defense, she's helpless to prevent her smooth legs from being elevated onto Jackson's shoulders. The duo then swing her limp body over, dropping her back first onto the unforgiving canvas! A stabbing pain in her right side causes her to hiss in agony. Blinking the sweat from her eyes, she sees Static lie on top of her for a pin... ONE TWO Mere seconds before Silverman can reach a three count, Krista kicks out! The audience is stunned with delight, certain that they had just witnessed the ending moments of COD's title reign. GPX is stunned as well, but its certainly not with delight. However they're forced to maintain their cool, and retry their attempt to eliminate Krista. Again she's brought upright, where her listless arms are snapped with a double arm wrench. She barely has enough strength to wail in pain, and can only emit low groans of defeat as they, latch onto her legs and lift her into the air. As her now messy blond hair dribbles in front of her, the GPX fling her backwards, causing her to land between the second and third ropes. Her back collides gruesomely with the steel meshing, and for a split second she's able to fianlly wail in pain, before her sluggish corpse drips to the canvas. Assured that Krista has gasped her last breath, Jackson goes for a pivotal fall... ONE TWO D*LUX breaks up the fall! “YEAAAAAA!” COACH I always thought people from Detroit were stupid, but never that stupid! COLE D*LUX is doing it for Krista! COACH Congratulations, boys, you're in love with a lesbian. Being that this is an every person for themselves match, GPX can't fathom why D*LUX would want to rescue a team on the brink of elimination. However they don't wait for words of explanation before they begin trading blows with the vexing teenyboppers! In spite of the size disadvantage, Shayne and Tyler are both able to overpower their rivals. Brave takes hold of Johnny's heavily gelled hair, while Bryant digs his fingers through Static's unrully strands. The teen screams then head to opposite ends of the cage and hurl their victims face first into the wall! Warm blood streams from cuts on their forehead, and they stagger backwards through a dizzy fog. Jackson has the good sense to timber over, which immediately erases him from the minds of Shayne and Tyler. That leaves Static to suffer the entirety of their anger. They shoot him into the ropes, and smash their white tennis shoes into his stomach upon his return. The shot knocks him out on his feet, and he's soon knocked clear off them by a double dropkick from the duo! COLE D*LUX is on fire! COACH And for what? So they get their lesbian crush pin them after they've eliminated everyone for her? Elsewhere Moss and Soul wage war in the corner. Soul gains the upper hand with a rake of Moss's onyx eyes. Capitalizing on the advantage the cheap shot granted him, Soul speedily hustles Moss onto his shoulders in preparation for the Fro 2 Sleep! But Moss is saved from the lethal finisher when Benjamin grabs onto his boots and pulls him back down to the mat. Team Heyross then uses their numbers advantage to the turn the tables on Soul, flooring him with a double lariat! Their arms explode onto his chest, unleashing a blast of sweat from the darkened skin. Eyes wide with furor, the WDW champions hook his legs around their necks as though they were about to attempt a stretch muffler. However their planned move proves be far more ghastly then a simple submission hold. They twist him into the air, holding him upside down so that all the blood rushes to his afroed head. Once they witness his face turn several shades of blue, they execute their master plan. They flip “Sweet” backwards, releasing him at the height of their move. Soul screams out in terror before his mouth is muffled by the jagged steel of the cage. He peels off like wrapping paper, crashing to the mat where bruises jut from his bleeding body. With Soul in dire need of medical attention, Heyross' boys turn their attention to crushing his partner's title hopes. Problematically, the lady killer isn't quite as easy to manhandle as Soul and batters the men as though they were common house flies. Moss falls into the ropes, his breath fleeing his body at a rapid pace. His partner fares no better, with jabs liberally decorating his face. Finally Rico knocks Benjamin off his feet with a diving lariat! “HEYROSS SUCKS!” “WRECKING CREW SUCKS! “HEYROSS SUCKS!” “WRECKING CREW SUCKS” COLE These fans having a tough time deciding who they hate more! Positioned next to his wounded enemy, Rico meets with little trouble in locking his rival down with his famous Rico Vice (Anaconda Vice)! COLE Could this be it Already enduring a miserable time in breathing, Benjamin has neither the will nor the way to fight free of the hold. Thankfully fortune smiles upon him, and sends his partner's stomping boots to the rescue. Unthankfully (not a word!), fortune fails to smile on Moss, and he's trapped into a full nelson from a mystery assailant. The soft baby oiled skin and heavy scent of Abercrombie perfume and cherry scented hair spray, alerts Moss that he's been accosted by Alix Maria Spezia. And that can only mean he's about to die of dysentery. She sweeps his leg out from under him and buries his face into the canas with the You have Died of Dysentery (full nelson face crusher). A pin quickly follows..... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE!! "YEAAAAAA!" COLE That's it for Team Heyross! COACH No! My prediction! My pick! My eighty thousand dollar bet! All ruined! Former WDW champions, six man champions, gone so abruptly. And with them goes my money! While Coach complains about being sent to the poor house a truly disturbing sight wafts from the entry doors. A haggard African American man, expensive clothes torn to shreds, body covered in blood both dried and fresh, eyes wrought with panic and horror. He's barely recognizable as Logan Mann. Most surprisingly, his wobbly legs are carrying him towards the battleground. “BOOOOOOOOO!” shout the fans, showing no pity for his obvious plight. COLE What is he doing out here? COACH What a valiant competitor Logan Mann is. Beaten down by two of the biggest underachieving slackers known to the OAOAST, he still comes out to fight the good fight even without his partner. This one is for you, Synth! Wherever you are, this one is for you! Dragging his wounded carcass into the ring apparently. Stumbling about like the town drunk at two AM, he swings at anything that moves, real or imagined. While most of the fighters can easily avoid his sloppy attempts at offense, Tyler Bryant inadvertently stumbles into a kick that doubles him over. Mann's blood soaked face lights up at the position Bryant is stuck in. He coils his hands around the boybander's neck then dives backwards, spiking his head into the canvas with a Percussion DDT! The audience is disgusted by Logan's interference and taunts him heavily. Ignoring their insults, Logan actually attempts a pinfall. Both referees can only look on in dismayed confusion as they refuse to score Logan's pinning attempt. “Why not? I'm in the match! Fuck you! Fuck you! I'll kill you!” he rants, sending slobber and blood flying about the ring. “Yo, Logan!” a pair airy, sleek male voices scream. “Look up, dude!” “God, is that you?” “Fuck yes, little bitch!” The voices say before the camera pans up to reveal the Sk8r Boiz located atop the platforms on the corners, striking the FREAKING AWESOME Christ in Rio pose. "YEAAAAAA!" Logan's mangled blood caked face turns white with horror as the image of his new worst enemies fills his vision. Frozen in place by crippling fear, he can only scream for mercy from his predators. There will be no mercy forthcoming from the pride of the Nerdly family, and they leap from their roosts with twin shooting star presses! COLE OH MY! Logan's body is sandwiched beneath the incredible missiles and pain explodes onto every inch of his frame. But his screams are drowned out by an entire arena chanting “HOLY SHIT!” COLE Good lord, Coach! Did you see what the Boiz just did? Totally owning Logan Mann and Synth Esizer, tonight. Rockers your time is up! Cloaked in river of applause from an appreciative audience, The Boiz vacated the premises through the stands, slapping hands with their legion of fans as they exit. Back in the ring there's still the matter of Tyler Bryant still feeling the ill affects of the Percussion DDT. Ever the opportunistic one, ol Rico hooks his leg for a pinfall... ONE TWO But Krista Isadora Duncan returns an earlier favor and breaks up the pinfall! In response to the simple act of kindness, Tyler professes his undying love to his savior, and offers himself as her personal servant for eternity in gratitude. Kinda creeped out, Krista has to make an excuse to get away from her adoring fan, “Uh, I gotta go....peel some potatoes. Yeah.” Elsewhere Soul is trapped in the corner with Alix and Shayne buzzing around him like wasps. Brave stings first, slashing his knee into Soul's jaw! Moments later, Alix's faux fur covered wrist terrorizes his nose! From the corner does he stagger, white fluff dribbling from his mouth. His fur filled mouth soon tastes the canvas, as Alix takes him down with a face crusher! “RADICAL, DUDETTE! COWABUNGA!” Shayne shouts, drawing a “WTF did he just say?” look from anyone within ear shot. As the crowd chants her name, Alix ascends to the top rope. While there she tries to repay their kindness with words of Buddhist wisdom, “I embrace eternity! I am one! I am l-o-v-e, love!” And with that Buddah's favorite celebrity chef flies from the turnbuckles with a 630 splash! She lands with picture perfect impact, ripping away what little air remains in his lungs. Hebner counts the resulting pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE!! "YEAAAAAA!" But wait! A baseball sliding Rico destroys both the pinfall and the crowd's enraptured mood. COLE I could've sworn that was it! Rico lifts Alix up by her teeny tiny tube top and wraps her into a butterfly lock. As she's sorely lacking the strength and energy required to fight free of the hold, Rico is able to easily lift her and slam her downwards with a tiger driver. The torment settles quickly in Ally's body and her face goes blank with lifelessness. Thusly Rico decides to attempt a crucial pinfall..... ONE TWO Alix calls upon her last ounce of strength to kickout, popping the capacity crowd in the process. After failing to get the three count, an annoyed Rico stands before his opponent has an opportunity to collect her bearings. Upon measuring Alix and zeroing in on the perfect target to hit, De Janeiro leaps into the air and extends his elbow out, slicing it through Ally's neck on his landing! Alix painfully howls into the night sky, leading the worried spectators to clap their hands in unison to rally the babyface. However, the chortling Rico is back on his feet and itching to inflict more damage to the adored girl. He backs into the ropes, and bounces off, once again jumping as he nears Alix weakened body. This time he extends his elbow out and sadistically smashes it into her forehead! COACH At some point, Cole, they ain't gonna be able to survive all this! Shayne Brave would love to come to Alix's aid, but there's just the teensy little problem of Scotty Static trying to use the cage as a cheese shredder against his face. Brave manages to put his tennis shoe onto the ropes to block his forward momentum and keep his handsome facial features in tact. Seeking to fight fire with fire, he grabs Static's sandy blond hair and attempts to ram his head through the wall. However the nimble cruiserweight manages to get his foot up and evade a grizzly disfigurement. Seconds later, Static busts through the stalemate by finally managing to hurl the youthful grappler into the cage! Brave's slender figure convulses wildly as the pain courses through it. He slowly sinks to his knees where he's ripe for the vile intentions of Scotty Static. Lucikly he's saved from SS's evil intentions by the advances of Tyler. The boybander grabs onto Static's leather legging's and lifts him into the sky with a flap jack! Unfortunately the ring ropes catch Static before the mat can, and he's left gasping for air. “LET'S GO D*LUX!” “G-P-X!” “LET'S GO D*LUX!” “G-P-X!” “DUELLING CHANTS! DUELLING CHANTS! DUELLING CHANTS!” While the crowd continues their inane prattle, Bryant works his towards the black platforms atop the cage. He moves with great haste, wishing to position himself while his rival still remains an injured husk. Sadly, his efforts are for naught, as Johnny Jackson trails his position with demonic quickness. The warriors meet atop the platform, and the surrounding audience members can scarcley contain their excitement. With each passing blow they level against each other, a mammoth cheer fills the air. Standing on the edge, in ever present danger of plummeting to his demise, a flicker of trepidation passes over Jackson's visage. He lunges forward in an attempt to switch positions with Bryant, but earns only only a cargo pants leg into the midsection for his trouble. He then curses in a horrified tone when Bryant shoves him into a standing head scissors. Tyler's hands curl through his stringy black hair, and a cloak of of uncertainty envelopes him as he observes the expansive distance between himself and the floor. COLE I don't think Tyler knows if he should go through with it! Whether he should or he shouldn't is not a decision left up to him, thanks to a low blow from Jackson! Experiencing none of the butterflies of his foe, Jackson hurriedly crooks his arm around the boy''s head, and nonchalantly dips backwards with a deathly DDT! Eighteen thousand mouthes are held agape while the competitors descend from the sky like a flaring meteor shower. COLE Oh my! COACH God! BOOOM! The horrifying impact of their bones shattering against the canvas can be heard well into the next county. The cacophonous chants of “HOLY SHIT” can be heard well into the next time zone. Unnoticed bellow the utter destruction of two human beings is Shayne cracking Static's skull with the Shaynedrop (Fall forward diamond cutter)! Brave hooks the leg for a pinfall that's scored by Hebner. Only several inches to the left, near crippled Jackson covers the body of Bryant. Unaware of Hebner's count, Silverman scores this fall... ONE! TWO! THREE? Instantly confusion abounds, and the audience is left in stunned silence, unsure of which team claimed victory. Their befuddlement certainly isn't alleviated by watching the officials raise the hand of two opposing team members. While Shayne mimics the silenced awe of the fans, Jackson is far more proactive, passionately lobbying for D*LUX's elimination. Even the brawling Wrecking Crew and COD have to slow their pace to observe the strange proceedings. COACH Yo, who got the pin? Who's staying around and who's going back to the locker room? COLE Well....I don't even know! I..I...I guess you could make a case either way. But, well, this is pretty unusual. Sensing that the crowd is about to turn very hostile, Silverman and Hebner huddle to come to some sort of agreement on the sticky situation. Jackson hovers behind them, his slight country accent breathless in it's pleading of GPX's case. COLE Having two referees out here was meant to prevent chaos and disorder, but it looks like that sure hasn't happen! After several seconds of debate the referees reach a conclusion. Hebner heads to the edge of the cage nearest Buffer, and informs the announcer of their decision. As he prepares the recite his announcement, Jackson beams with joy, assured his lobbying will bear fruit. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, OAOAST officials have decided that as a result of the double pinfall both The Global Party Exchange and D*LUX have been eliminated! Jackson doesn't even wait for the final syllable to be finished before his temper flares murderously. The cage door is swung nearly of it's hinges, and the red in the face brawler storms through with the force of a million bats pouring through hell. Behind him, his partner dejectedly staggers along , every bit as angry, but in any shape to show it. The heated crowd more then makes up for his inability to react, polluting the air with boos and jeers for the decision. D*LUX's departure is much more low key then the melodramatic rantings of Johnny Jackson. Shayne helps Tyler to the back after wishing Krista and Alix good luck. COACH Ain't that some bullshit? I don't give a damn about D*LUX but GPX has put in work! Two time OAOAST tag team champions, legends in the field. You give the legends the benefit of the doubt. COLE Hey, D*LUX were three time HI-YAH tag team champions! COACH What? Are you serious? That's like trying to say Chris Simon is on Wayne Gretzky's level because Simon scored sixty goals in junior hockey. That's minor league 'ish, GPX is major. It's not fair! Perhaps the only two people pleased to witness the double elimination are the HI-YAH champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. With D*LUX and GPX removed from contention, the lone obstacle between the Wrecking Crew and immortality is the rapidly decaying corpse of the OAOAST champions, Chicks Over Dicks. Neither man can hold back a triumphant chuckle as they observe the remains of their battered foes strewn about the warzone. As Alix's injuries are slightly less severe then Krista, she becomes the primary target, while Krista is considered a minor irritant. Holstering Alix upright, Rico draws his elbow forward and hurls it with pinpoint precession. A startled cry emerges from her throat as the harsh strike sputters into her head. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Alix staggers backwards, grabbing for the ropes to steady herself for a counter attack against her aggressors. But she doesn't move quickly enough, and Rico knocks her into a corner with one enormous swipe of his hand. A defiant hatred blazes through her cobalt eyes, but the fiery emotion does nothing to stop the Wrecking Crew from snatching her into a front face lock and hurriedly placing her atop the turnbuckle. They follow her up the ropes, and without a seconds delay plunge her to the floor with a double superplex. Her body shatters in an explosion of sweat, fur, brown hair and screams. While Rico leans against the ropes, lovingly massaging his forest of chest hair, Soul attempts a pinfall... ONE TWO To the audience's amazement and delight, Alix weakly pulls her shoulder of the mat. The simple effort bludgeons her petite body, and labored breathes spray from her mouth. COACH The end is near, Cole. I can feel it in my bones. An eight month title reign is coming to an end. Now the real wrestlers get to run with the belts again. De Janeiro angrily rips Alix from the canvas. He launches his knee into her six packed stomach, and flames of pain scorch her torso. She croaks in agony, stepping backwards to try and avoid further beatings. Regrettably, she stumbles into the waiting arms of Lucius Soul. Before she can put forth her defense, he raises her overhead into a standing Fireman's carry. He steps forward to pull her thrashing figure away from the ropes and then shoots his knee into her skull with the Fro 2 Sleep. The wounded champion topples to the mat, her ruined form joining the blood and sweat of those that came before her. Soul presses his knees against her shoulder and foists his arms into the air in celebration, as Hefner counts his pin... ONE TWO But Krista shoves him away from his victim! "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" Hurrying forward, Rico places his boot into Miss California's skull, effectively ending her moment of offense. As she trembles on the mat, Rico blasts a seemingly unending torrent of stomps into her shoulder, leaving his foot print across her glittering top. She closes her eyes and grits her teeth as his stomps land with the strength of a wrecking ball. Eventually Rico lifts her away from the canvas, and stuffs her into a standing head scissors. Infuriating an already outraged crowd even further, he seductive gyrates his hips, making sure his muscles rub down every inch of her appalled face. “Who wants a moustache ride?” He wonders, still juggling Krista's head with his thigh muscles. “BOOOOOOO!” Rico lifts Miss California into position for his Moustache Ride (Razor's Edge). However, due to the fact that both their bodies are lathered in sweat and baby oil, Krissy is fortunate enough to be able to slide down his hairy back. Despite her terrible health, she tries to put her new found freedom to good use with a springboard body splash! But Rico's powerful arms subdue her efforts, and her lithe figure is brought into the canvas with a powerslam. Her head rings, and every bone in her body vibrates like a fork. Assuming, her will and ability to fight is all but evaporated, Rico hooks the leg for a pin ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Krista was able to kickout, and the fans are ecstatic. COLE I don't know how she's doing it, Coach. And judging by the confused look on Soul's face he doesn't know either. Rico shrugs off his own objections over the pin and rises to a vertical base. Krista is soon to follow but gets forearmed in the neck for her tardiness. Blue eyes water and breath becomes short when another torrid blow crashes into her stacked chest. She totters from side to side, unable to mount a defense against Baron's vivacious brawling assault. Feeling his rival sufficiently weakened, The Brazilian moves behind her and locks her into a back suplex set-up. He hoists her into the sky, lifting him so high you'd swear he could touch the scoreboard. However at the climax of the hold, Krista deftly slips out of it, landing perfectly on her feet. Rico, confused on what just happened, spins around only to get flung halfway across the ring with a hurricanrana! The crowd's cheers are deafening for Krista's show of life. However, her move may have done her more harm then good, as it sets Soul on the rampage. The moment she rises from the canvas, his leg lariat slashes across her face, draining all the color and life from her body. Soul makes a cover, pressing his forearm into her face to gain an advantage... ONE TWO Alix emerges to stop short the fall! "YEAAAAAA!" Annoyed by Alix's meddling, Rico zooms to the ropes, returning to level the girl with a swipe of his meaty forearm. Alix reacts as if he just had a piano dropped on his head, sagging to the mat and hollering in unbridled pain. Rico scoops Melvin up, and after delivering two punches to her stomach he throws her into the ropes. She's taken head over heels by raised knee, and endures a cringe worthy neck first landing that has several audience members in tears. Stroking his 'stache, Rico prepares to really crank up the adolescent water works, as he lifts Ally up and places her into a standing head scissors. He crosses his arms under her torso and then her up so that she hangs horizontal to the mat. With the fans steady in their stream of hatred for him, Rico kneels down and drops shoulder first onto his knee, utilizing his awful shoulder breaker! While the searing pain speeds throughout Alix's body, Rico hooks the outside leg for a pin. ONE TWO She kicks out, bringing forth cheers from the audience! However, the South American is relentless, and once again takes hold of the outside leg for a pin.... ONE TWO Once again Alix kicks out, and Rico empties a stream of Portuguese profanity in response. He dishes out a trilogy of stinging stomps to Alix's aching head, as he arrogantly returns to caressing his 'stache. Finished with his stomping, he sinks to his stomach where he's able to easily trap Alix into the Rico Vice! Alix instantly feels the horrible affects of this poisonous hold, a crippling constriction on her neck and a difficulty in breathing. Five seconds into the move, Silverman starts to inquire as to whether she wishes to submit or not. Rico's heavy accent answers for her, telling the zebra that his foe has no more will to fight. "LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!" In spite of the groundswell of support for his antagonist, Rico able to quell any resistance, locking the plucky babe down in the center of the ring. Salvation seems so far away for Alix, as the entirety of his vision is engulfed by hairy body of the HI-YAH tag team champion. De Janeiro squeezes on the hold as tight as the referees' overbearing rules will allow, making an act as simple as breathing a grueling effort for the Los Angeles native. Knowing that her body can't endure much more of this torture, Alix takes up the arduous task of rising to his feet. Despite Rico's unheard of strength, she's amazingly able to stand, renewing hope within her and the audience. Sensing that his hold is rapidly deteriorating, Rico switches to a basic front facelock, using it to trap and wrench Alix's shoulder. This difficulty in her fight for freedom expands beyond belief, as she's now forced to fight back as a one armed woman. Desperation and worry lining her face, Alix tries to counter with a hip toss. But Rico stands frim, and effortlessly brings Alix back down to his level. He decides he's through with wasting his time with a submission hold, and would rather destroy her with his finisher The Mustache Ride. He roughly jerks her into the air, but at the very height of the move the agile lady shifts her body free and lands behind her foe! COLE Alix escaped the Mustache Ride! Enraged, Soul whirls around to decapitate Alix with a stiff spin kick. But The Hollywood Bad Girl is one step ahead of him, smashing his face with a crowd popping dropsault! As Soul topples over the culinary sensation speeds to the cables. Upon bouncing back she tries to scissor her silken legs around Rico's waist. While she encounters success in that attempt, Rico earns control of the exchange by gripping onto her legs and flipping her out into a waistlock. He then tries his damnedest to launch Alix into the stratosphere with a German Suplex! However the Rosie O'Donnell's favorite sports entertainer beautifully back flips her way out of disaster! Rico can hardly believe the resiliency of the champion and is beside himself with disgust. Guided by his anger and impatience, he blindly charges Alix only to eat a Burning Sensation When You Urinate (sunset flip piledriver)! "YAAAAAA!" The exhausted girl clamps down on Rico for what she prays will be the final pinfall of the contest. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! NO! Soul breaks up the pinfall, and the fans are beyond livid. Paying little mind to the pool of anger that swirls around him, Soul angrily tears Alix away from his injured partner, and hauls her onto his shoulders fro the Fro 2 Sleep COACH This is it! But Krista's powerful legs carry her forward, and with feral blue eyes blazing, she rips through Soul's unprotected midsection with a spear! The gladiators smash downwards, landing into a twisted jumble of exhausted bodies. But within the jumble is a pinning situation, as both Alix and Krista lie atop Soul. Silverman counts the ensuing fall, and a standing arena counts along with him..... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! The audience's cheers for the historic three count go beyond deafening, reaching points perhaps never before heard in n OAOAST ring. “C-O-D” chants are the order of the day, although it's questionable it their intended targets can even hear them. The sullen Wrecking Crew departs the cage, beltless and heartbroken for the first time since April. COLE Three titles have been united under one banner, and that banner is being carried by Chicks Over Dicks! What a historic match we've seen tonight. What great efforts by all six teams, and what an achievement by Alix and Krista. Hardly even aware of that achievement, the girls are much too exhausted to put on any sort of victory celebration. The most their able to achieve is a tender kiss on the lips, before their ragged bodies cede totally to fatigue. The steel structure that holds the victorious lovers raises towards the ceiling, and it's places comes a torrential downpour of pink and red confetti. The gorgeous celebration simply increases the joyful roar of the crowd who excitedly sing the names of the two champions. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and first ever.... "You break the laws You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Money talks" COLE What the hell? The unwelcome noise tailspins the crowd's mood into one of infuriation and the atmosphere turns markedly hostile. Trash and debris litter the entry way, once the doors part to reveal Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, and a Siclopse toting Molly Nerdly. Clad in matching pinstriped business suits, Wright and Moneymaker sport grins of devious intent. As the three saunter down the entry ramp, Moneymaker holds a microphone in front of his lips, while Molly records the conversation for posterities sake. COLE Something tells me these guys aren't here to offer their congratulations. YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! MONEYMAKER “Your winner and first ever One and Only World Tag Team Chamipons, Chicks Over Dicks.” How I hate those words, as I hate hell, all lesbians. You see for the better part of the year I have poured a limitless amount of cash into schemes designed to get the tag titles away from Chicks Over Dicks, and burn these lesbian witches at the stake. Yet every one of my efforts ended the same. An escape by the dyke demon, and it's stranglehold on the OAOAST and America, growing larger then ever before. I, a billion dollar heir, come from a family of unlimited financial resources. But that does not deem me stupid or careless with my money. At some point I enjoy seeing a return on my investment. That is these lesbians choking on a river of blood, strapped to a stretcher, wheeled towards the nearest hospital, and their subsequent death pronounced to the rejoicing of millions of right thinking Americans nationwide. But thus far returns on my investment have been scarce. That ends tonight. Because tonight I take the reigns of history into my own hands! Tonight, myself, and Mister Wright, are the eighth team entered into this scramble cage match! Tonight, Mister Wright and I will become the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions! Tonight Mister Wright and I curse homosexuality to its grave! COLE No! “BOOOOOO!” Accompanied by the hatred of an entire arena, Wright and Moneymaker strut down the ramp with camera toting Molly filming the entire escapade. COLE This can not be! They...they...they...can not do this. COACH Yes! And why not? Finally, the titles are out of the hands of these scandalous performers, and into the hands of the gods, Mister Moneymaker, and Mister Wright. As Moneymaker gruffly demands a shocked Silverman into the confetti drenched ring, Wright stands above the defiled pairing, orating their demise. WRIGHT Such women are not fit to bear the prestige of championships. Weep for them, for they are lost! Observe well. Watch and mark you the suffering of those who must rule, yet lack the power. Their lives are forfeit, and their championships with them. The OAOAST will again know morality. For good and for all, we shall bring their futile attempts at sexual rebellion to an end. Like bullets dancing through the skies in a dog fight, bolts of debris criss cross the area surrounding Wright, mixing with the confetti to make the ring look like an overflowing landfill. But through the hellstorm of anger and garbage, stands Wright, a bastion of impeccable cool, as he places his boot onto Krista's chest. Unable to refuse Moneymaker's orders, a despondent Silverman scores the fall, as Molly zooms on Krissy's unmoving face. ONE COLE Somebody has to do something! TWO COLE No! THREE! The bell is rung upon Moneymaker's vehement orders. Past the stunned abhorrence of the audience, the billion dollar heir slides into the squared circle. His rugged facial features light up with the sparkle of diamonds, and tears of pride well in his eyes. Finally his summer long quest has come to a glorious end, and the joyful expression that marks his triumph will live forever in the footage of the Siclopse. Wright stands atop the third rope as proud and as arrogant ever, delighted to know he'll leave Minnesota with OAOAST gold in his possession. With great reluctance, Buffer rises to make the unwelcome announcement. BUFFER The winners of this match and first ever One and Only World Tag team Champions....THE ENTERPRISE! COLE I can't believe it. They weren't even entered into this match! They aren't even dressed to fight! And now they're tag team champions. Picking off Chicks Over Dicks like vultures. Like damn vultures. Exorbitant titles wrapped around the waist of detested villains. Molly beaming as she raises their hands into the sky. A crowd thrust into the pits of despair. Fallen heroines clueless and unconscious in the background. These are the final images before we fade out.

PPV MOTY WINNER#2 AnglePalooza: Survive Or Surrender, Zack Malibu Vs Bruce Blank In the arena, we hear the crowd POP~!, because what they're seeing on the AngleTron is what's going on backstage...namely ZACK MALIBU and CANDIE walking into the arena. Zack is uncharacteristically quiet, while Candie is a bit somber, not looking forward to what her boyfriend has in store for him tonight. After exchanging pleasantries with several people, they round the corner...and Malibu comes face to face with a man that he hates just as much as Bruce Blank. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Drek Stone! It's an uncomfortable moment, as Zack waits for Drek to say something, but Drek just smirks at him and Candie. After a moment of akward silence, Drek places a hand on Zack's shoulder, and in a mocking tone, offers two words of encouragement... "Good luck." To Drek, that's the funniest thing in the world, as he chuckles and walks away, leaving Zack and Candie to glare at him as he disappears. (Cut to Double C.) COLE Well, it looks like the OAOAST Champion IS in the building tonight! COACH Mmm-hmmm. But I think he's here for only one reason, and one reason only: to witness the end of Zack Malibu's career! COLE I sure hope Drek isn't siding with Bruce Blank tonight! COACH Who knows, Cole? His hatred for Zack Malibu may just force him to root for Bruce. COLE At any rate, Drek Stone is here, and so is Zack, and in just a few moments, Zack Malibu will step into the ring for quite possibly the very last time as he takes on Bruce Blank in a Survive Or Surrender Match! The OAOAST Anglepalooza 2007 logo flashes across the screen. The match-up graphic for the Zack Malibu/Bruce Blank Survive Or Surrender Match appears on screen. The crowd EXPLODES~! They're the loudest they've been all night, and it shows just what match the fans are looking forward to the most at Anglepalooza 2007. COLE A bitter, personal rivalry will come to an end. Since May of 2006, Bruce Blank and the other Wildcards have wreaked havoc on the One And Only AngleSault Thread. They, HE, has laid out opponent after opponent, INCLUDING Zack! Zack has never beaten Bruce in a one-on-one match. Can that all change tonight in a match that BOTH men must win if they want to wrestle another day? COACH I'm getting goosebumps right now, Michael. This is the big one! This is the moment we've all been waiting for! It's gonna happen! Either Zack leaves, or Bruce leaves! Either way, this is going to be a bloody, brutal battle and I can't wait! Get him for me, Zack! COLE The most anticipated match in Anglepalooza history is about to begin. Zack has yet to defeat his fiercest rival, will he finally be able to get the "W" tonight when he needs it the most? The whole world is watching this historic match. The time has come. The demeanor of the crowd is mixed as the lights dim, and the specially made steel cage for the Survive or Surrender match is lowered over the ring. Will the hometown hero gain his ultimate retribution against his most hated rival, or will the most reviled man in wrestling score the greatest win of his career, and send the OAOAST's favorite son into a forced retirement from the business he loves? Tonight, one man will survive, and one will surrender...and whoever surrenders will be surrendering not just a victory, but their career, and their lifeblood, to their foe. COLE It's the calm before the storm here right now fans, as everyone in the arena, and by that I mean the people in the stands, in the locker room, and here at ringside await the closing chapter of the most brutal feud in OAOAST history. COACH Ain't no comin' back for this one, Mikey Cole. We in Zack's house, his hometown, and tonight, he's puttin' it all on the line in front of his friends and family for one simple reason: REVENGE. COLE Tonight, one man's career will end inside the four walls of the cage you see being placed around the ring. Notice that the cage is specially made to attatch to the ring apron instead of the normal encasing of the entire ring, in order to prevent any possible interference from people hiding out under the ring. Keep in mind that there is no door on any of the four walls, and the roof is fully intact. Once the combatants are inside the cage, it will be fully lowered over them, and will not rise until one man has been deemed victorious. The cameras scan the crowd as the paying customers flock back to their seats, not one of them wanting to miss a minute of the action. COACH We got a lot of people here in attendance tonight too, Cole. A lot of friends and enemies of Zack Malibu can't believe he's going through with this. COLE Personally Coach, I still can't believe he's going through with this. I've known Zack Malibu since the moment he set foot in the OAOAST. At one point, you could have considered me a sidekick to The In Crowd. Tonight we see people like Sly Sommers, who has made his intentions clear as to why he's looking forward to this match. Calvin Szechstein, currently on Zack's good side despite their past dealings. Peter Knight, a man who just last year cost Zack Malibu the Lethal Rumble at this very event, and even the original In Crowd members EvenflowDDT and The Superstar sitting, watching, and waiting. We have Zack's personal friends, his family, all in attendance. Friend or foe, you have to respect what Zack Malibu's done for this company, and no one wants it to end. He's going up against a man he's never beaten, a man who will show no mercy or remorse, and is going to treat this match as his bloody playground. Zack Malibu, for all he's accomplished, may have bitten off more than he can chew. With those cryptic words uttered, the camera closes in on ring announcer Michael Buffer walking up the ring steps, and the crowd starts to buzz, as they know the match is mere moments away. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, ARE YOU READY!? YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! MICHAEL BUFFER Providence, Rhode Island ARE...YOU...READY?? YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! MICHAEL BUFFER Then for the thousands in this arena and the millions watching across the globe, LETS GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! OAO-AST!! OAO-AST!! OAO-AST!! OAO-AST!! OAO-AST!! MICHAEL COLE They are fired up, Coach! It seems like Providence is going into this with a positive attitude! COACH No doubt, because this may be the last time we have to tolerate Bruce Blank in an OAOAST ring! MICHAEL COLE Please dear God let it be so! MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, and the viewing public watching live on pay-per-view, THIS is the SURVIVE OR SURRENDER MATCH! Notice that the cage above the ring has been constructed with four solid walls of steel mesh, and a roof over it. There is no door, and thus, no entry. Once both participants have entered the ring, the cage will be lowered over the ring, and attatched to the ring apron. The only way to win is for one man to quit...submit...SURRENDER. Tonight, their are no titles at stake in this contest, but the careers of Zack Malibu and Bruce Blank lay in each other's hands. One man will emerge victorious, and seal the fate of his eternal foe. The loser, however, will be served his walking papers, and have his career ended! It is a battle of pride, and of redemption, and now...the participants. MICHAEL COLE I'm torn Coach, I mean I want Zack to win and get rid of Bruce, but he's making the gamble of his life here, he could lose everything he holds near and dear to him. COACH I admire Malibu's gut but you've got to remember that Blank has really done a number on Zack more or less every time they've met, he really has gotten Zack rattled. We could be saying good bye to Zack tonight. MICHAEL BUFFER Introducing first... ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! The chants are heavy and strong, as the crowd waits for the hometown hero to appear. The lights drop, and the chant turns to a roar, as... "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG" The ringing into to the "Saved By The Bell" theme song booms through the arena, and cuts quickly to the chorus of Eminem's "Til' I Collapse"... "Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth. Till the smoke clears out and my high wear out I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse." Which then cuts to... "(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark..." After that, both the music and the lights totally shut down, leaving the arena cloaked in darkness. Some people use their cellphones or lighters for visual aid, but within seconds they're not needed, as the AngleTron shines bright once again, and the bass line for "Getting Away With Murder" kicks in. *FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!* *FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!* *FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!!* The distant shot that captures the cage slowly lowering as Zack Malibu steps into the arena serves as a poignant reminder of the hell that awaits Zack Malibu. ”Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness And I'm addicted to your punishment And you're the master, and I am waiting for disaster” BUFFER From PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND, he weighs in tonight at two hundred and five pounds...he is ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! The look on Zack's face is equal parts anger and frustration and anticipation as he pauses on the top of the ramp for a second to soak up the absolutely atomic crowd reaction. In what is a departure from Malibu's normal attire Mr. OAOAST has both his hands heavily taped up all the way to his elbow pads, probably both for protection against the cage but also for added impact against Bruce. Gone are the standard wrestling tights as attire, as tonight, Malibu comes out clad in blue jeans and an OAOAST logo T-shirt, proudly wearing the name of the company he loves across his chest. MICHAEL COLE This man has been through the wars for the last three quarters of a year, he's been to hell and back fighting with the Wildcards and tonight it all comes to an end, one way or the other. COACH You know at first I really though he had it coming, after all *HE* brought the Wildcards into the OAOAST, but those sick bastards crossed the line when they entered the Malibu home and intimidated his girlfriend and their newborn daughter. MICHAEL COLE And when the Coach thinks you've gone to far then you must be really depraved. ”I feel irrational, so confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder It is impossible to never tell the truth But the reality is I'm getting away with murder” Instead of sliding through the 2 foot gap between the ring apron and the dangling cage Zack circles the ring as he almost shakes with anticipation and anger. While several fans reach out and pad him on the shoulders or shout words of encouragement the usually fan friendly Zack Malibu doesn't respond, no high fives, no gestures, he's in a world of his own with only one goal. ”Getting away, getting away, getting away” MICHAEL BUFFER And his opponent... BLANK SUCKS!! BLANK SUCKS!! BLANK SUCKS!! BLANK SUCKS!! The chants drown out Michael Buffer for a moment, while Zack paces back and forth on the far side of the ring. Zack waits impatiently like a caged tiger, even though he's technically not caged yet. MICHAEL BUFFER Approaching the ring at this time, he is the leader of the group known as The Wildcards. Weighing in tonight at an even three hundred pounds, he is BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!!” The opening guitar warble alerts everyone that Bruce Blank is about to enter the arena, and the expected reaction ensues, as Blank walking into Providence is like a KKK member walking the streets of Harlem. "I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone“ WHIIIIIIIIIIIITE TRASH!! WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE TRASH!! After a moment or two of Green Day playing the crowds attention is drawn to the side of the entrance set up as they hear a loud truck horn play “I wish I was in Dixie” as an engine revs up. "I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone" Instead of walking down the entrance Bruce appears on the back of a huge Ford F350 Pick-Up truck with one hand on the roll bar and another holding a beer up high in the air as he grins in anticipation, this is his night it would seem. His newly acquired ride complete with sparking chrome, a crisp black paint job that's accentuated by airbrushed blue flames licking down each side of the trunk and “King of Pain” written across the hood really screams of how confident Bruce Blank is tonight. MICHAEL COLE Trust him to make a big pompous entrance, even in Zack Malibu's own hometown! COACH Well now they have something to drive him away in after the match is over, Cole. "I walk alone I walk alone" WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE TRASH!! WHIIIIIIIIIIIIITE TRASH!! Bruce doesn't seem to even hear the chants from the crowd, and as the pick up truck brings him to the ring in style, he's busy drinking a beer and holding on to the moving truck. Once the truck stops Bruce turns to the fans and raises both arms in the air, taking an early crack at celebrating the victory he's been predicting all along. COACH Bruce seems awfully confident here, yeah he's got a new car and yes he's the self proclaimed “King of Pain” but it'll take more than that to win this match. MICHAEL COLE Well he may have proclaimed himself the King of Pain but tonight he either earns the name or leaves the federation. "I walk alone I walk a... " As Blank poses on the roof of the truck, basking in the hatred of the Rhode Island crowd, Malibu's patience wears thin. The Preppy One races across the ring and makes a clean leap onto the top rope, and springboards off with a dive that knocks Bruce off the roof of the truck and down into the bed, along with Malibu as well! MICHAEL COLE HE CAN'T WAIT!! "My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone" The music quickly cuts out, as Malibu stands up and takes Bruce Blank by the head, ramming it into the roof of his new ride! Malibu then spins Blank around and pins him against the back window of the truck, hammering away with those taped fists of his as the crowd hits a complete uproar! MICHAEL COLE Malibu is going completely kamikaze on Bruce Blank!! COACH Get that sucka, Zack! Malibu pounds on the redneck, much to the crowd's delight...but when he pulls him up Blank charges forward, wrapping his thick arms around Zack's waist in the process! He pushes forward, and together Zack and Bruce spill out of the bed of the truck and into the aisleway! Once they hit the floor they seperate, and take a moment to regain their composure. They both rise to their feet, and Zack fires off those patented right hands, staggering the big man...until a knee to the stomach doubles him over! Bruce then pounds on Zack with forearm shots across the back, and takes him by the head, swinging him around and sending him into the guardrail! The small of Zack's back crashes against the metallic barrier, and Blank takes advantage of his stunned state of mind when he rushes forward and blasts Zack with a hard lariat that topples him over the guardrail, into the sea of fans! COLE Zack just got dumped into the crowd, and Blank is following suit! COACH That man don't wanna be in THIS crowd...he's on Zack's turf tonight! Bruce steps over the railing, and immediately he's crowded by the fans...and he starts shoving ticket buyers left and right, paving a way towards Zack Malibu! Frightened and intimidated, the rest of the crowd backs off as Blank comes at Zack, who has his back turned...and blasts him with a shot between the shoulder blades knocking him down again! Blank snickers as he pulls Zack right back up, and he turns Zack around and walks him towards the guardrail...then lifts him up and drops him across it, crotching him on the unforgiving steel! COLE This match is not even underway yet, and Zack Malibu is already being forced to suffer by that madman! COACH They gotta get in the cage! COLE Are YOU going to tell them that? COACH Me? No...I mean, I was just sayin'. Blank shoves Zack off the guardrail and back into the aisleway, brushing off the fans who still dare to come near him. Blank follows Zack over, and again picks Malibu up before he's fully recovered, this time taking him by the back of his neck and running him forward, face first into the back of his pickup truck! COLE Blank is doing a number on Malibu here, he's softening him up! He doesn't want to be inside that cage, because there'll be nowhere for him to run! He thinks that by doing this, he'll have it easy! COACH Easy? Playa's playin' himself if he thinks that after what he's done, that this is gonna be easy! The crowd is still electric, booing even the slightest motions made by the Southern sadist. Yet again, Blank pulls Zack up, treating him like a playtoy...and he drives that point home even further by lifting Zack up over his head in a military press...and then showing off his strength by doing reps with the smaller Malibu in his grasp! COLE Look at him, rubbing it in everyone's face! Blank laughs as he shows off his power, but then winces in pain as Malibu digs his fingernails into his eyes and rakes them, causing Blank to drop him from the press! Zack lands behind Bruce, and powers up to his feet, coming back with a running kick that strikes Blank between the legs and doubles him over! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" COACH I hope he don't plan on rubbing THAT in anyone's face anytime soon! Bruce is stunned, and Malibu quickly calls to the fans, HIS fans, for a chair. One in particular hands one to Zack, and he takes it as quickly as he asked for it, using it to hit a hard shot across the shoulder blades of Bruce Blank! The big man drops, but grabs onto the back of his truck and pulls himself up, his eyes burning with anger as he turns around...and gets BLASTED with a hard shot across the head that knocks him against his truck! Blank slouches down into a seated position, but Malibu doesn't let up, as he goes over to Blank with the chair held vertically, and drives the edge of it into his throat, trying to drive the life out of his hated rival as he lay bleeding in the aisleway! COLE Zack's drawn first blood, because Bruce is busted open...and they're STILL not inside the cage yet! Referee Nick Patrick, and a slew of OAOAST road agents and staff flock to the aisleway, trying to seperate Zack and Bruce and get them into the ring. Zack pulls back and clutches the chair menacingly, looking ready to hit anyone within reaching distance. The agents and Patrick scatter, trying to plead with Zack, and several of them form a wall, blocking Zack from getting to Bruce once again, which doesn't get a positive reaction from the fans. COLE The fans came to see Survive Or Surrender, but they don't want this brawl to end! Malibu is pushed towards the ring by Patrick and several others, and reluctantly abides. He slides the chair in under the bottom rope and then hops up on the apron, waiting on Blank. He looks like he's ready to dive onto EVERYONE, but thinks better of the move and backs off, entering the ring and circling it, taking a moment to soak in the adulation of his applauding fanbase. Meanwhile, Blank is getting up, and when he does he's FURIOUS, and he starts cleaning house on the staff! Clobbering rights and lefts, the ruthless redneck is crazed in his efforts, as the blood flow has drawn out a bit of rage. He wipes his forehead and looks into the ring, disgusted, at Zack, and he charges the ring, sliding into it and FINALLY causing the bell to ring! DING! DING! DING! COACH FINALLY! COLE HERE WE GO, COACH! As soon as Bruce slides into the ring, the cage begins to lower around he and Zack, and Nick Patrick quickly rolls into the ring, weilding the microphone that will broadcast the surrender of one of these men. Zack works over Blank as he slides in, kicking him in the back of the head repeatedly before picking him up and shoving him into the ropes. Bruce bounces forward after hitting the ropes, and Malibu hits an inverted atomic drop, once again staggering Bruce due to its effect on his manhood...and then Zack starts biting him over the eye, digging his teeth into the flesh of his rival! COACH He's gone cannibal, Cole! Bruce shouts out in agony, and uses his power advantage to shove Zack to the mat, saving himself from any more pain. Zack rolls through and pops right back up to his feet though, and comes at him and starts biting AGAIN, causing Blank to scream once again! COACH He's hurting, Cole! You think he's ready to surrender? COLE I think we've got a ways to go, Coach. Blank uses his leverage advantage, and manages to push Zack into a corner even while he's being bitten by the hometown hero. Blank manages to pull away, then rams his knee into Zack's ribcage, then drops low and drives his shoulders into his ribcage once, twice, three, four, FIVE times, driving all of the air out of Zack's lungs! Malibu gasps for air, and is stuck in the corner as Blank pulls himself up...and now HE starts biting ZACK! COLE Ugh, no! Blank chews on the skin over Zack's eye, and it doesn't take much time for that tactic to draw blood. Zack looks like he's crying crimson tears as the blood drops off his face and stains the canvas, and Blank leads him out of the corner and sends him into the ropes, nailing him with a big boot on the rebound! Zack goes down, and now Bruce eyes the steel chair that Zack slid into the ring when he entered, and it's now in the hands of the Redneck Superman, who picks it up and drives the edge of it into Zack's throat, trying to choke Zack just as Zack did to him earlier in the aisleway! "C'mon boy, surrender! Make it easy on yourself!" Blank stands over Zack, choking the life out of him, and ordering him to give up. Zack moans and groans, but never do any words form, and certainly not any that would cause him to lose this contest, and his career in the OAOAST. Blank pulls the chair off his throat, but with it still held vertically, drives the edge of it into Zack's ribcage repeatedly, causing Malibu to curl up into the fetal position and cough up a lung! COLE The use of that chair is perfectly legal. The biting, the eye gouging, the low blows...whatever these two men need to do in order to make the other give up, they CAN do. Nick Patrick's not going to stop them, and the cage is there so that no one else attempts to stop them. Given what we've seen in the past from these two men, and even with what we've seen in the past ten or so minutes, we know what they're capable of, but the question remains...what will it take to get one of these men to surrender his life in wrestling, and swallow the bitter pill of losing professional wrestling's most brutal feud? Blank throws the chair aside, stalking Malibu as the prep lay on the mat, coughing. Blank reaches down and pulls Zack up, and once he's on his feet Bruce runs him forward a few steps, then biels him into the wall of the cage, backing off as Malibu collides face first with the mesh! Zack bounces back and lands on all fours, and Bruce steps over him, then reaches under his chin and yanks back on his head, then with his free arm blasts him with a hard crossface shot! Blank switches hands, and then utilizes the same tactic, blasting Zack across the side of his face with another hard crossface shot. Blank then yanks back on Zack's head again with a rear chinlock, and then moves his fingers into Zack's open mouth, stretching his cheeks out as if he were trying to peel the skin off of Zack's face! COACH He's sick, Cole, sick! Zack is in pain, and Patrick remains close, in case the former OAOAST World Champion can't take it anymore and decides to submit. Blank looks down at Zack, tearing at his face, and moving off of his back. He pulls Zack up, still with his fingers jammed into his mouth, and as Zack forces himself to stand up, Blank violently pulls back, snapping Zack to the canvas! The back of Malibu's head bounces off of the ringmat, and Bruce runs the ropes, delivering a huge legdrop to Malibu! COLE Bruce just dropped that tree trunk across Zack's throat, and...now look at this! After hitting the legdrop, Bruce kneels over Zack, taking him by the head and viciously rams it repeatedly into the canvas. Bruce sneers as he stares at Zack, telling him "I'm gonna make you quit, you son of a bitch!" before he brings him up and whips him into the corner. Bruce charges in, and he connects with a hard running lariat that smashes Zack against the turnbuckles! Zack flops forward after contact, but Bruce takes him by the head and runs him across the ring, sending him face first into the top turnbuckle! Malibu is stuck in a fog, unable to clear the cobwebs, as Blank spins him around and pins him in the corner, then takes his boot and jams it into Zack's throat, AGAIN going back to a choking tactic to try and wear Malibu out! COLE If he can't get air, he can't get energized! Bruce Blank knows he cannot afford to let Zack get any momentum, because if Zack manages to get on a roll, that rage that's been burning inside him for nearly a year is going to come out, and I don't know if even Bruce Blank could withstand what Zack Malibu would like to do to him! Bruce releases, and backs away, leaving Malibu to his own devices, aching in the corner. Blank circles the ring, his evil eyes visible under the crimson mask as he stares at Malibu, and then reaches into his boot. COACH What's he doin'...he ain't strapped is he!? COLE For the love of God, Coach...I hope not. After a moment or two of digging, Bruce comes up not with a firearm, but with a spike! The crowd gasps in horror as he approaches Malibu, ready to strike with the spike... ...but before it can come down and stab him, Malibu grabs the wrist of his rival, trying desperately to keep him at bay! COLE He just tried to implant that spike into his head, and thank God Malibu saw it coming! Zack grabs Bruce's wrist with both of his hands, trying to force the spike back, as it looms dangerously close to his eye. Malibu climbs up onto the turnbuckles, sitting on the top rope in order to gain leverage against his larger foe, and manages to nail Blank in the side of the head with an elbow! And another one! And a third! Bruce staggers, but he still tries forcing the spike into Malibu's face, although another elbow shot dazes him long enough for Malibu to kick off of the turnbuckles, and bring him down with a tornado single arm DDT! COLE He brought him down! Blank is stunned, and crawls on all fours, searching for the spike that he dropped...but as he crawls to the feet of Zack Malibu, he sees that the spike is in the hands of the man who wishes him dead! COACH Aw snap, he's in for it now. Blank comes up on his knees, and puts his hands up, pleading with Zack not to do it...but mercy is not in Malibu's vocabulary as he takes Blank by the head and digs the sharp end of the spike into his forehead, slicing him open! COLE Never in my life have I felt an individual deserved to be victimized like this, but you've had it coming, Bruce Blank! F*CK HIM UP ZACK F*CK HIM UP!! *Clap!Clap!-Clap!* F*CK HIM UP ZACK F*CK HIM UP!! *Clap!Clap!-Clap!* F*CK HIM UP ZACK F*CK HIM UP!! *Clap!Clap!-Clap!* F*CK HIM UP ZACK F*CK HIM UP!! *Clap!Clap!-Clap!* While people like Sly Sommers and Peter Knight are probably rolling their eyes as they watch on, the vast majority of the crowd inside the Dunkin' Donuts Center is egging Malibu on, motivating him to destroy the career of the man who has tried to destroy his life. After having his forehead carved like a Thanksgiving turkey, Blank pulls himself away from Malibu, nearly collapsing due to the wear and tear and excessive blood loss. Zack has other ideas though, as he stalks his rivals and pulls him up by his greasy, blood soaked hair and runs him towards the wall of the cage, sending him into it face first! Blank falls back, landing on one knee, and Zack hits the ropes, coming back and connecting with a basement dropkick to the chin of Bruce, dropping him on his back! Malibu then mounts Bruce's shoulders, still clutching the spike, and now looks to drive the proverbial stake through the heart of the vampire, as he inches the spike even closer to Bruce's eye! COACH I'd make a See No Evil joke here, but I don't think it's the time. Malibu brings the spike forward, aiming the pointed tip at Bruce's right eye! Bruce is able to get a hand up at the last moment to block the attempted blinding and holds the spike off, his arm shaking as he musters all the strength he can. Malibu again uses the leverage advantage and leans forward, putting a lot of pressure on Bruce's arm still trying to force the spike into Bruce's eye! Out of sheer desperation, Blank rolls and throws Malibu off of him, the spike sent rolling across the canvas after the break. Malibu quickly gets on top again and this time starts using his fists to do the dirty work, being sure to never let up as the crowd roars with approval. Once again though, Blank shoves Zack off of him and then rolls onto all fours, and when Zack approaches again, he's rocked by a low blow! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Zack drops to his knees just as fast as his jaw dropped due to the impact of the shot! Bruce uses the ropes to pull himself up, and the various puddles of blood that dripped from the heads of both men have now made the normally clean ringmat nearly completely red! Zack pushes up to his feet, still aching and holding onto the "soft spot", and like a shark, Blank smells blood in the water. He moves towards Zack, rolling his fists menacingly, but as he get closer... ...ZACK BLASTS HIM WITH SCHOOL'S OUT... ...BUT BRUCE CATCHES HIS FOOT! COACH Aw, sh*t! COLE Zack was playing possum for a minute there, but he couldn't connect with his patented superkick! Blank laughs, and then uses Zack's leg to pull the prep closer, and snatches him by the throat, then lifts him and plants him with a chokeslam in one smooth motion! COLE He nearly drove him through the ring with that chokeslam! Malibu lay perfectly still on the canvas, and Blank, who rests on one knee besides him, lightly slaps his face, mocking his physical state. He stands over Zack and then starts fiddling with his belt buckle, unstrapping his leather belt from around his waist and folding , clutching the buckle end in his hand like a handle as he stars laying into Zack with whips with the strap! BRUCE BLANK SUCKS! BRUCE BLANK SUCKS! BRUCE BLANK SUCKS! The crowd does their best to distract the maniacal Southerner from his efforts, but Bruce doesn't let up, going so far as to tear the OAOAST T-shirt off of Zack, and then act like he's wiping his ass with it before resuming with the belt whips! COLE What a disgusting individual! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT! WE DIDN'T NEED THIS! The crowd continues to get on Blank's case, but they get fired up when Malibu starts pushing off the mat, up to all fours...and then gets dropped again by more whips! Malibu's cries are audible as the welts form on his back, turning his flesh bright red! He tries to crawl away, reaching for the ropes, the turnbuckles...ANYTHING really...but Blank grabs him by the ankle and drags him to center ring, where the whipping resumes! Malibu doesn't get up until Blank pulls him up, onto both of his knees...and then Bruce unravels the strap and WRAPS IT AROUND ZACK'S THROAT! COLE He's choking him out! He's choking him with that damn belt! "GIVE IT UP, BOY!" shouts Blank, looking more and more like he's attempting murder rather than trying to win a wrestling match. "YOU CAN'T BEAT ME, BOY! GIVE IT UP WHILE YOU CAN!" Nick Patrick, the look of concern on his face only rivaled by his scared reactions to what's gone on in this contest, leans in, checking to see if Malibu has had enough, and if he's willing to save himself by ending it right now. "Zack? Zack, what do you say, Zack?" "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnh..." Malibu tries to fight free, digging his fingers under the strap and tries to pull it off his throat. "NOOOOOO!" The crowd pops loudly, as Zack refuses...AND POWERS UP! Malibu pushes up to his feet, and twists his body to the side, nailing Bruce in the ribs with an elbow! Bruce hobbles back, but his grip on the belt loosens, and Malibu takes it...AND STARTS WHIPPING AWAY IN A FRENZY! COACH GET HIM ZACK! GET HIM! Blank tries to shield himself from the blows, but Zack is going postal, hitting shot after shot after shot! He corners Blank, and then wraps the belt around his fist, with the buckle covering his knuckles. Zack then stands up on the second rope and starts raining punches down on Blank, driving the belt buckle into his forehead with every blow! Blank's body goes limp as he slides down into a seated position, and Zack backs off, then charges forward, smashing Bruce's head against the middle turnbuckle with a hard running knee! COLE Did you see his head snap back!?! Malibu throws the belt down, fueled by fury and rage. "GET UP, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Blank is dazed in the corner, and barely moves, let alone respond. "GET UP! COME ON YOU BASTARD!" Malibu waits, but still, Bruce isn't going anywhere. Patrick goes over and asks if he's ready to give, but Bruce doesn't answer, or even acknowledge it! COACH He might be knocked out after that knee, Cole! Malibu, not wanting to wait any longer, comes towards the corner...but as he approaches, he catches a face full of white powder from Bruce Blank! COLE What the...he had powder in his hands the whole time! He suckered him in, and now Zack is blinded! Malibu can't see, and staggers back, trying to regain his vision. Blank reaches up and pulls himself up with the ropes, and when he stands he reaches into his pocket again. COACH What's he doin', Cole? COLE I shudder to think. He's...wait, now what's this? Blank pulls out something crumbled up, and unfolds it. COLE That's...that's a plastic bag?! What is he... Before Cole can ask the question, he gets the answer, as Bruce takes the plastic bag and PUTS IT OVER ZACK MALIBU'S HEAD! COLE MY GOD, NO! COACH HE'S GONNA KILL HIM, COLE! The crowd boos, but it's more subdued this time, as they're all in fear of what could happen! Bruce holds on tightly to the plastic handles of the bag, making sure that it's fitted tight and no air is getting in. Malibu is frantic, trying to do something to free himself, and Nick Patrick is probably wishing he was never given this assignment, as he's forced to watch Zack Malibu be put near death before his very eyes! With both hands pulling back behind Malibu's head the air quickly leaves the white bag, much to the horror of everyone in the arena. Bruce loves every second of it, because not only does he inflict a lot of pain on Zack but he doesn't have to exert a lot of energy doing it, the perfect move for him. MICHAEL COLE Zack is losing oxygen quickly, and there's not one person who can help him! We can't prevent this from happening! COACH He’ll have to get out of this himself, or it's over! COME ON ZACK!! Malibu tries to tear the bag but every time his hands touch the plastic Blank rams a knee into his back preventing Malibu from breaking out of the airtight trap Bruce has caught him in. At one point Blank even gets so cocky that he uses one hand to hold the bag tight while raising the other hand in the air! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The referee looks on in agony as Malibu fades slowly, the horrible image of Malibu sucking the bag into his mouth will stay with most of the fans for a long time. COACH I--I'm tempted to say that Malibu should quit just to get out of here without permanent injuries. MICHAEL COLE Coach...He--I'm at a loss for words here. Bruce grins as Malibu sinks to his ass, hands down by his side - he's only moments away from passing out...but NICK PATRICK HAS SEEN ENOUGH, and wraps his arms around Bruce's arm, prying him away from choking Malibu to death! COLE What the...NICK PATRICK IS PUTTING A STOP TO THIS! COACH Can he...can he do that!? Blank let's go, throwing Malibu to the mat, and as soon as he hits Zack rips the bag of his face, desperately gasping for air. Blank's focus is on Nick Patrick, who tells Blank "that's too much!" and stands by his decision to get involved. Bruce, however, is unimpressed with Patrick's mercy, and grabs him by the throat, and THROWS him backwards into the corner! Blank reaches down and picks the spike off the mat from earlier... ...AND NOW BRUCE BLANK IS CARVING REFEREE NICK PATRICK OPEN! COLE STOP IT! YOU'RE SICK, YOU HEAR ME! LEAVE HIM ALONE! Patrick screams loudly as his flesh is ripped open, while Blank loves every second of it. He then drops the referee to the canvas, watching as the blood pools under his head and stains the canvas. Proud of his actions, Blank turns around... ...CRACK~! AND IS MET WITH A HARD CHAIR SHOT TO THE SKULL! COLE COME ON ZACK! Malibu, visibly weak, is barely able to hold the chair up, but swings again, and a second hard shot teeters Bruce, but does not drop him yet! Bruce is dazed, and Malibu lifts the chair again...but when he lifts it just in front of his face, Blank drives a big boot into it, kicking the steel implement of destruction into the face of the OAOAST's poster boy! COLE DAMN IT! Blank shakes the cobwebs loose, and right now he's the only one standing, as both his rival AND the referee are out due to his bloodlust! COACH Cole, with Nick Patrick down...how are either of these guys gonna surrender? There's no one to ring the bell! COLE I don't know how much longer this can go on, Coach...I just don't know! Blank surveys the damage, and then looks up, staring up through the mesh roof and into the rafters above. COLE What's he looking at? Suddenly, a strand of rope comes through the mesh roof, and is lowered into Blank's grip, causing everyone to look up and see just what's going on. COACH What the...YO! That's Landon Maddix up there! COLE What the hell is he doing? What's the meaning of this!? Landon has lowered himself onto the roof of the cage, apparently having been hidden in the rafters this whole time! Bruce looks up and gives a "thumbs up" to the man who is MOST DEFINITELY NOT A WILDCARD, at least that's what he'll tell you. Maddix stands on the roof, making sure this rope is secure, while Blank takes it and WRAPS IT AROUND ZACK MALIBU'S THROAT!!!!! COLE What the...no...NO! STOP THIS! STOP IT DAMMIT! Blank looks up and gives the go-ahead signal, and Landon pulls on the rope, having it wrapped around a steel beam above the ring...and it's raising Malibu off the canvas! COACH They're...they're trying to hang him, Cole! Sure enough, Landon continues to pull tighter on the rope, and Malibu's feet come off the canvas! Once he's about a foot off the canvas, Landon secures the rope around the beam, and now Zack Malibu is kicking his legs, trying to free himself from the noose! COLE This is too much...THIS IS MURDER! Malibu is hanging, being strangled before our very eyes, with not even a referee to show mercy and help him! Screaming and crying, CANDIE comes out from the back, her makeup running due to the tears, as she runs towards the cage. COLE Candie! Candie, go to the back! Please, go to the back! Desperate to help the man she loves, Candie starts climbing the cage wall...AND BRUCE BLANK WHACKS HER FINGERS WITH HIS BELT, SENDING HER FALLING TO THE FLOOR! COACH No way, that ain't right! It's a melee now, as Calvin Szechstein, EvenflowDDT, and The Superstar all fight their way through the crowd, trying to rush the ring...but security won't let them! All three plead their case, trying to save Zack...but because they're in attendance as ticket buying fans and not contracted talent, security, no matter what the situation, won't let them budge! COLE LET THEM GO! FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET SOMEONE TO RELEASE THAT ROPE! ANGLESAULT comes charging out from the back, shoving security aside and getting into it with them. Bruce cackles and Landon smirks from his position atop the cage, as the whole arena, in Zack Malibu's hometown no less, is in chaos while he's being KILLED before our very eyes! COACH DO SOMETHING, SOMEONE! COLE He's turning blue...my God Coach he's turning blue! Zack fighting grows less and less, and he starts to go limp, as people desperately try to something to help the OAOAST's favorite son... ...AND THAT'S WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT! COLE What!? What's going on? COACH I got a feeling this is the last thing we need right now! Within seconds, the lights come back on, and never in your life have you heard a pop like this, as the Providence crowd leaps up and roars when CABOOSE APPEARS ON THE TOP OF THE CAGE! COLE IT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED, COACH! COACH CABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE! Maddix panics, and IMMEDIATELY gets cracked in the ribs with a cricket bat shot that causes him to flip over the bat and land on his back! Caboose doesn't bother to pay any more attention, having disposed of Bruce's sidekick, and he races to free Malibu, quickly snapping the rope free from the rafters, and causes Zack to fall to the canvas! COLE CABOOSE SAVED ZACK! WE HAVEN'T SEEN CABOOSE IN MONTHS, NOT SINCE BRUCE AND THE WILDCARDS TOOK HIM OUT! COACH Caboose always owed a lot to Zack for saving his career, and now that debt has been paid! Caboose just saved Zack Malibu, baby! Caboose stands watch atop the cage now, and Maddix has nowhere to go. Blank looks up, sneering "you son of a bitch" at Caboose, who looks down and points his cricket bat at the repulsive redneck, and then makes the cut throat motion. Moving on to Plan B, Bruce quickly picks up the steel chair, and starts bringing it down across Zack's back, beating his near lifeless body down with it! ZACK! ZACK! ZACK! COLE Listen to this crowd, these fans...GET UP ZACK! COACH He can't lose, Cole...after all this, he just can't! ZACK! ZACK! ZACK! Candie screams from ringside for Blank to stop, but he taunts her as he slams the chair down across Zack's back. "THIS IS YOUR MAN!?" WHACK~! "THIS IS YOUR HERO!?" WHACK~!? "HE AIN'T NOTHIN'!" Candie pleads for him to stop, having seen enough. Her pleas are heard from her cries, and as Anglesault tries to lure her away from the cage, she pushes away from him, screaming for Zack. "Zack, PLEASE!" Blank walks over to the side of the cage, and again picks up the spike off the mat. With the blood stained implement in his hands, Bruce states that "I'm gonna cut his god damn heart out!" to Candie, who panics even more...although SOMEONE is slowly rising to their feet. COLE Look at this...LOOK AT THIS... Blank turns around, and when he does, he's SHOCKED, as the fans roar. Covered in blood, having cheated death... ...ZACK MALIBU IS ON HIS FEET! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Malibu immediately hits a running kick to the nuts, staggering Blank! He fires off right hands, and then whips Blank to the ropes, picking up the spike in the process...AND NAILS HIM WITH A FLYING FOREARM, JABBING THE SPIKE INTO HIS HEAD! Malibu rolls to his feet, and now picks up the belt once again, and starts whipping away in a frenzy, never letting up! COLE TAKE IT TO HIM, ZACK! MAKE HIM PAY! Zack picks Blank up, and hurls him into the corner. After Blank collides, Zack comes and wraps the belt around the turnbuckle hook, putting both of Bruce's hands behind him, and fastens the belt around them before tightening it, using it as a makeshift set of handcuffs! COACH He's got Blank tied up! Blank struggles, and can't move, as his hands are trapped behind him! Malibu goes and retrieves the chair, and hie picks it up, moving towards Blank to lay waist to him...but Bruce kicks Zack in the stomach, then kicks both of his legs off the mat and kicks the chair into Malibu's face! COLE Son of a...! Zack's weak, we knows he's weak, but he can't let Bruce Blank get the better of him. Blank twists and wriggles, and finally winds up snapping belt buckle from the belt itself, freeing himself from Zack's trap. Noticing Zack trying to get up, Blank hits a soccer style kick to his ribcage, doubling him over, before he again reaches into his pocket. COLE What the hell's he got...IS THAT A LIGHTER!? To answer Cole's question, it is indeed a lighter, as Blank shows it to the crowd by taking Malibu's OAOAST shirt and SETS FIRE TO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! COACH Aw damn...DAMN! COLE Get up Zack, come on, please! Candie shrieks, which is music to Bruce's ears as he approaches Malibu, who is groggy on the mat... ...AND WHO COMES UP WITH A SCHOOL'S OUT OUT OF NOWHERE, DROPPING BRUCE BLANK LIKE A GUNSHOT~! COLE SCHOOL'S OUT! SCHOOL'S OUT! Malibu quickly crawls for the lighter, as Blank checks to see if his jaw is still in place. Zack can barely move, having exhausted what little energy he had on that superkick, and he and Blank come up to their feet together... FWOOSH~! ...AND ZACK THROWS A FIREBALL INTO THE FACE OF BRUCE BLANK~! "YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" Blank screams the loudest anyone's ever heard, as he's met with scorching hot fire, right in the face! Blank goes into shock, kicking his legs and flailing his arms, patting his face and screaming even louder as the flesh melts! Malibu goes over and grabs the now-frantic monster and takes him by the head, leading him towards the wall of the cage... ...AND STARTS RAKING HIS BURNING FLESH ON THE WALL OF THE CAGE~!? COACH Oh man, oh MAN! "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Malibu takes it to him, not letting up, as Bruce's blackened flesh starts peeling off, the cage digging through the tender skin and cutting down to bone! "AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!" With Nick Patrick down, Anglesault races around to the side of the cage, looking in at the action. "What do you say, Bruce?! Do you give!?" "NNNNNNNNNNNN...NNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!" "Come on Bruce, what's it gonna be, yes or no?!" "GAAAAAAH...SONOFAAAAAAAAA...AAAAARGH!" Malibu plants his foot in the back of Bruce's head, forcing his face against the mesh so hard that it leaves an imprint on his singed skin! "IIIII...I SURR...I SURRENDER!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!!" The crowd goes CRAZY, as Malibu falls back to the canvas out of sheer exhaustion, and the bell is called for by Anglesault, marking the end of one of the OAOAST's most brutal encounters. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of Survive Or Surrender...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLIBUUUUUUU! Anglesault quickly calls for the cage to be risen, and Caboose scales the wall of the cage, down to the aisleway, leaving Landon Maddix laid out up top. Once the cage is up, Anglesault, Candie, Calvin Szechstein, Evenflow, Supes, Scotty Static and Johnny Jax rush the ring, checking on Malibu, while EMT's rush out for Blank, Malibu, AND poor Nick Patrick. COLE HE DID IT! ZACK MALIBU SURVIVED, and BRUCE BLANK'S CAREER IS OVER! Candie embraces her bloody boyfriend, holding him tight, while Zack tells her "it's over". Evenflow, Anglesault, Supes, Caboose, and the GPX all watch on as the happy couple share a moment. Zack then turns around and comes face to face with Caboose, and says two simple words that mean more than anything. "Thank you." The friends embrace, and it's a "group hug" type of atmosphere, as the Providence crowd gives Zack a standing ovation for enduring the most torture he ever has. COACH Bruce Blank is no more! Get him the hell out of here! EMT's load Bruce, still groaning in agony on a stretcher, while in the ring, Anglesault takes the lighter and pulls something out of the inside of his suit jacket. COLE What the...what's that? AS sets fire to the papers, and as they burn, he throws them at Bruce Blank, who is defenseless on the stretcher. COACH I think...that was his contract, dawg! Blank, furious, tries to fight off the EMT's, and it's taking a good four of them to hold him down. Noticing this, Static and Jax exit the ring and tell the EMT's to clear the way, as THEY start wheeling Bruce around ringside. They wheel him over to his truck, and both of them look at each other like they have something in store...as they each take an end and lift Bruce off the stretcher...AND TOSS HIM INTO THE BACK OF THE TRUCK~! COLE Look at this! Static climbs up onto the roof of the truck, while Jax jumps in and starts the truck up, and Malibu's theme music now fades out, as Static claps and leads the crowd in a chant. "NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA HEY HEY HEY GOOD-BYE!" "NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA HEY HEY HEY GOOD-BYE!" Jax revs the engine, and then backs the truck up the aisleway, with Bruce Blank bruised, bloody, and burned in the back, helpless to what's going on. COLE They're taking him out of here! GOOD RIDDANCE! COACH See ya, and wouldn't wanna be ya, Brucie! Once again, "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and the crowd cheers wildly still, as Malibu is helped from the ring and brought to the back for treatment. He looks around at his fans, all of them applauding his efforts, and he takes relief in knowing that finally, the war that began due to his actions nearly a year ago, is now over.

PPV MOTY WINNER #1 Angleslam: Leon Rodez, Chicks Over Dicks, and D*LUX Vs The Enterprise BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a Ten Person Tag Team Grudge Match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing team number one... Green and yellow spotlights swirl around the ring, and guitar riffs that roar with energy and spunk scream through the air, quickly trailed by a plethora of boos and jeers. Beneath the voices of hatred and the melodic hard rock strumming, comes feverish vocals scratching out the virtues of the almighty dollar. Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night The claim is on you The sights are on me So what do you do That's guaranteed Hey little girl, you want it all The furs, the diamonds, the painting on the wall Past parting entrance doors emerges an army of dastardly cretins who live their life to the every word of their hard driving music, The Enterprise. Leading the way is the brainchild behind this detested troupe, Theodore Moneymaker, clad in green trunks and matching green boots. Moneymaker simply smirks at the throng of fans laid before him, seemingly unimpressed with being in the legendary arena. At his side stands Christopher Patrick Allen, dutifully swatting away any front row fans foolish enough to try and lay their unwashed hands on the billionaire. Trailing behind them are the white trunked, Beverly Hills Blonds, who maintain an air of confidence behind oversized pink lens sunglasses. The last member the team, Christian Wright clings his briefcase close to his chest, but makes no issues with threatening to strike it against the heads of the more vulgar crowd members. Rounding out the caboose of the party are the three valets, Jade Rodez, Molly Nerdly, and Mackenzie. The pink track suited Jade shows all the emotion of soup, whereas Mackenzie gleefully shows off her fur coat, which could use a visit to one of the many New York dry cleaners! Shit smells like Queens Bridge. Molly, in yellow polo shirt and khaki pants, works the Siclopse to document an event that's already being documented by numerous cameras that weren't gotten for 15$ in the Bronx. Patty sez: Holy shit that's a lot of people! Come on, come on, lovin for the money Come on, come on, listen to the money talk Come on, come on, lovin for the money Come on, come on, listen to the money talk BUFFER Being accompanied by Jade Rodez, Molly Nerdly, and Mackenzie DeCenzo, the OAOAST gives to you, Christian Wright, Christopher Patrick Allen, Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton, and the Billion Dollar Heir, Theodore Moneymaker...THE ENTERPRISE! COLE It has been one terrible month for The Enterprise. In one week they went from having every male member in the stable holding a title, to being completely beltless. Can they rebound tonight in New York City or are they destined to failure? COACH You ask some damn stupid questions sometimes. There ain't nothing to rebound from! The Enterprise is as strong as ever, maybe stronger then ever. Their power doesn't lie in titles, it lies in influence and money. And they still got a lot of that. This is The Enterprise's match to lose, Cole, don't you forget that. The members of The Enterprise pour into squared and immediately join hands to raise their arms in glorious triumph. That is all expect for Molly, who gingerly films the exhibition of greatness. While the Nerdly girl may consider their pose a work of art, the audience considers it utter garbage, and attempts to shower them with that very thing. Unaffected by the mounting hatred, Allen, Wright, Singleton and Ned stream towards each corner, standing atop the turnbuckles in triumph. Moneymaker remains in the center of the ring, arms hooked between Jade and Mackenzie, flashing a smile a mile wide. Behind Moneymaker three titanic dollar signs festooned in popping green pyro lower from the ceiling, bringing forth a devilish laugh from the billionaire. COLE This has to be a pretty fun night for Molly, she's a grad student at NYU and now gets a chance to perform live in Madison Square Garden COACH How much fun can you have as an unpaid intern? COLE The value of the internship isn't measured in dollars earned but in knowledge gained. Though she could've dropped out of third grade and still be smarter then Ned and Simon. BUFFER And introducing their opponents... Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye The members of D*LUX earn a few brownie points by wearing Knicks jerseys. But its unlikely they even hear those cheers as they zip towards the squared circle! COLE Look at 'em run! Buffer can't even properly introduce D*LUX due to their wild slide into the ring nearly knocking him to the floor. The announcer isn't their primary concern, instead directing their feisty glares towards The Enterprise. Moneymaker and Wright offer dismissive waves to their harsh stare, regarding D*LUX as little more then a minor nuisance. COLE Two thirds of the six man champions, D*LUX, rumbling into Angleslam! They may be happy to have those belts, but I guarantee they would trade that and more to have Jade back by their side. COACH And that's what makes them certified bitches. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! "YEAAAAAH!" The infectious bounce of Avril's wonderhit signifies more then a minor nuisance for Ned Blanchard, who hides beneath the ring apron in hopes of avoiding a meeting with his child's mother. Those who aren't currently praying for their life are treated to the splendid sight of a pyrofall of red sparkles showering the ring. The fans that were marveling at the majestic serenity of the waterfall, are thrust into a state of shock once a golden pyro fortress engulfs the entirety of the ring. Despite the incredible power packed behind the display of pyro it's quickly forgotten by the audience, who sit wowed by the image of hundreds of slim, gorgeous models, dressed in full statue of liberty gear, complete with grey glittering full body makeup, generously distributing wads of cash through the stands. An entire arena is abuzz with glee at the thought of receiving free money. Moneymaker can't share their glee, as he realizes hundreds and thousands of dollars are exchanging hands, and he's not getting a single cent. COACH Aw shit! Are they for real? Let me get some of that money! Yo, I don't even mess with The Enterprise like that. Bunch of cornball redneck, homphobe crackers. Shit, I can't even name 'em all. Can I have my money now? The audience's cheers expand infinitely once they witness the emergence of the two women who've brought Christmas in August, Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. However the girls can't be bothered to walk to the ring like the ragged peasants in The Enterprise! No, they must be carried in only the finest of carriages! And tonight's magical carriage is a vintage Cadillac Eldorado. Worth well over eighty thousand dollars the car is painted with an American Flag pattern, with the fifty stars adorned by a generous helping of flawless sapphires that total over half a million dollars. As though this near unimaginable flaunting of wealth weren't enough to etch their place in Madison Square Garden history, the giggling queens of Los Angeles have their chariot driven by the self proclaimed King of New York, 50 Cent. More then just a well paid, and well muscled chauffeur 50 delves into the flow of his boisterous hit I get money. Being that New York is the home of hip-hop (no hate on west coast, crazy love for you Cali) the audience is eager to rap along with their so-called king. I get money, I get money, I get I get I get money I get money, money is got (I....I get it) money I got, money is got (I run this city!) COD get money, money is got (they...they get it) money they got, money is got (They run LA) I get money, money is got (I I get it) I get money, money is got (I I get it) I get money, money is got (Yeah yeah) money I got, money is got (I run this city!) COD get money, money is got (Yeah yeah) money they got, money is got (They run LA!) A ruby encrusted stature of liberty hat resting atop her luscious blond locks, Krista struts her black high heels across the hood and gracefully glides into the ring. Her loyal admirers, D*LUX, are quick to hold the ropes open for her highness. Their adoring hearts earn a heaping of pleasure from sneaking a glimpse at the long tan legs revealed through the open sided mini skirt, and the perfect body that fills out a deep plunge tank top. Upon entering the ring, Miss California stands on the first rope, and leans over the cables to beam a disarmingly arrogant smirk to the millions of viewers world wide. 50 flows behind her, prowling the ring with aggressive strides. I take quarter water sold it in bottles for two bucks, Coca-Cola came and bought it; for billions, what the fuck? have a baby by me; baby be a millionaire I write the check before the baby comes, who the fuck cares? I'm stanky rich Attired in a charmingly adorable white tube top, matching booty shorts, and fluffy faux fur covered wrist bands and boots, Alix sweetly distributes cash to the legion of money hungry front row fans. Once she comes to the location of her disgusted foes, its as though they're merely insignificant pylons to be brushed aside, as she dances her way to Mackenzie DeCenzo. Ally's bubbly voice pleasures Mackenzie's ears with scintillating promises laced in exotic Spanish words. Her departure is marked by making Mackenzie's bra just little fatter, as with a wink and a smile she tenderly places a wad of bills into her shirt. While Alix backs away with an alluring grin, Mackenzie tries to compose herself beneath the glares of her associates. Yeah, I talk the talk, and I walk the walk like a teflon Don, but i run New York when I come outta court, yea I pop the Colt I keep it gangsta, have ya outlined in chalk I I get it, in the hood if ya ask about me theyll tell ya im bout my bread I I get it, round the world if ya ask about me they'll tell ya they love the kid Alix darts into the squared where the waiting arms of Krista twirl and showcase her like a neoclassical ballerina. Tired of sharing Alix with the world, Krissy traps her into a tender embrace. Brushing a strand of hair away from her face, she flips an alluring kiss to the camera causing cute super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. Sensing that Moneymaker is literally on the verge of exploding, Molly tries to cheer him up, “Uh, man, I like the..uh..the little dollar signs on your tights. Like, they're kinda peeling off and stuff. But they're still kinda cool. Kinda.” MONEYMAKER The rap finishes to a rousing crowd ovation, which certainly does nothing to improve Moneymaker's miserable mood. 50 departs the scene reminding the audience to cop his new CD on 9/11/ which I won't be doing, because 50 IS WACK, SON, HE WACK. That nigga straight garbage. Its Kanye all day like a motherfucker. COACH Did that really just happen? With the musical performance soon to become a distant memory, the arena plunges into an ominous darkness. The only illumination stems from a track of purple and green pyro that speeds along opposite ends of the circular lighting fixture encasing the scoreboard. The racing thunderstorm generates four individual laps before finally coming together to birth an orange conflagration that envelopes the entire scoreboard. COLE Never let it be said Leon Rodez doesn't know how to make an entrance of his own! The lights improve to a dim setting, but once again the majority of illumination stems from fireworks, this time ten foot white sparklers that erect themselves in front of the entrance doors. The shareef don't like it Rock the Casbah Rock the Casbah Through the monument of pyro steps the black robbed figure of Leon Rodez, decorated by the waves of stray sparks. He basks in brightness of their glow and the humongous cheers of the crowd, holding his arms to his side and tilting his smiling head back to the heavens. COLE I had the pleasure of talking to Leon Rodez earlier today and he assured me that he had a great feeling about tonight. He certainly looks like it right now. COACH Define great? Because I see great for Leon Rodez as not leaving this building with any career ending injuries. Finally able to make an announcement, Buffer speaks with gusto. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring, he hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan, stands five feet eleven inches, and weighs in at two hundred eighteen pounds. Ladies and gentlemen of New York City, please give a warm welcome to “SILKY SMOOTH” LEON ROOOODEZZZZZZZ!!!! "YEAAAAAH!" COLE You gotta love Leon Rodez! One hell of a competitor, and a future world champion in my book. Rodez journeys down the ramp, slapping hands with his myriad of fans, and offering thankful nods to those who give him words of encouragement. As he leaps onto the ring apron, he points and nods towards the legion of standing fans promising them a victory tonight. Moneymaker is roundly unimpressed by the sight of Rodez' boasting. Unfortunately he doesn't even get to continue viewing the sight as Leon casually dumps his robe onto his head! COLE Oh my! Ignoring the stream of complaints from The Enterprise, Leon shakes hands with D*LUX and tries to do the same with Krista and Alix, until Krista not so sweetly reminds him that she came here with 50 Cent and she's not afraid to have him shoot Leon. COLE Folks, as both teams take their spots on the apron let me just remind you that this is a one fall contest. No eliminations here, the first pin wins it. So teamwork is of the essence. Quite amazingly referee Charles Robinson manages to get two teams to pile into their respective corners without a hint of violent incident. However the peaceful separation is betrayed by the vituperative stares passed between the warring parties. Only Ned seems to posses an air of tranquility. This stems from the kissey faces he directs towards the apathetic Jade Rodez. His ring based partner, Christian Wright, can't afford such distractions, instead solely focused on the man across from him, Leon Rodez. *DING DING DING!* The match begins with the entire arena planted firmly on the side of The Grand Rapids Goldenchild. Drawing on their support, Leon streaks forward with a lariat. However, Wright dips bellow the attack, and Rodez bounds off the ropes nearest The Enterprise. The villainous rouges waste little time in engaging in underhanded tactics; CPA and Simon Singleton strike the crowd favorite with forearms. He stumbles into the waiting clutches of Wright, who seeks to take him down with an arm bar. However, the midwest speedster rolls through the hold, and kips up to his feet. A frustrated Natural quickly joins him. Their stalemate is short lived, however, thanks to a snapmare from The New Age Love Machine. Robinson counts the resulting pin... ONE Well before the two count Wright pushes his way free of the pin. He moves upright, but gets sucked back downwards by a swipe of his legs. Leon drapes his muscular frame over his foe's for another pinfall.. ONE Again, Wright easily kicks out of the fall. He scampers to his feet where he's met with a barrage of punches from his rival. Left off balanced by the attack, he's incapable of stopping Rodez from hooking him into a front facelock. Thus Rodez meets with no trouble in twisting him into a neckbreaker. However he does meet with trouble in the form of CPA, who attempts to decapitate him with a big boot! But The Grand Rapids Golden Child dips bellow the attack, and pops up to floor CW with a forearm smash! LOVE MACHINE! LOVE MACHINE! LOVE MACHINE! As a D*LUX double dropkick rids the ring of CPA, the fan favorite covers The Natural... ONE TWO The interfering boot of Simon Singleton saves Wright from certain defeat. But there's no one to save The Video Voyeur from being mowed down by a Leon Rodez lariat. On the outside Molly reacts as though the prime minister has just been shot. Yet her screams pale in comparison to the cheers when Leon's gloved fist punches a startled Ned off the apron! LOVE MACHINE! LOVE MACHINE! LOVE MACHINE! COACH Oh come on! Say, something, Cole. Just a second ago you you were getting on The Enterprise for attacking Rodez! COLE What are you talking about? I haven't had a line of commentary all match. Trembling with something akin to anger (remember Leon doesn't get mad!), Le-Ro leans over the ropes and orders Blanchard into the sqaured circle. But as Ned is to busy begging Jade for some TLC, its a request that goes unanswered. CPA, however, is up to the challenge, and takes Wright's place in the bout with an open handed slap to Leon's back. While blood creeps from his orange skin, Leon is hurled into the ropes. However, he shifts his bodyweight and reverses the hold! Once the lumbering beast returns to him, the ex-pornstar attempts to take him over with a powerslam. But, Allen is a REALLY BIG DUDE, so that move is pretty much impossible. Rather then throw out his back at the ripe age of twenty three, Leon simply drags the Youngstown native into a roll up! ONE TWO THREE! Well, it would be three, if it wasn't for the tortured artist Molly Nerdly hurling her 2003 Canadian Filmaker of the year award at Leon. “BOOOOOO”, belts Molly's somewhat hometown crowd. COACH How they can boo her? She goes to New York University! Her intellectual integrity and impeccable academic record are the only thing keeping this rotten hell hole afloat! “Boo? You want something to boo about?” Molly yells. “I'll give you something to boo about! Middle Eastern Filmaker Abbas Kiraostami and his minimalist, self reflective style that was key to blurring the once distinctive line between documentary and fiction that marked post revolutionary Arab film is being ignored in film schools across the country thanks to Euro-centric viewpoint that permeates through the “minds” of today's scatterbrained professors. Boo that, people! Boo the fuckin' shit out of that!” While Leon contemplates why Molly is lecturing people who can't even walk and chew gum at the same time on the pitfalls of higher education, the overmatched Allen sneaks in a tag with Simon Singleton. Given that he had been fighting a massive black man just two seconds ago, Leon is somewhat shocked to be staring down a pudgy white guy with the worst haircut known to man. Simon and his asinine perm are able to capitalize on Rodez's confusion by trapping him into arm wringer. Yet no sooner then two seconds after the hold is applied does Rodez roll forward in an effort to escape. Singleton tries to shift his grip on his foe's arm to keep him trapped into place. However, Rodez's agility wins out, and he's able to kip upright, where he snares the video voyeur into an arm wrench of his own! COACH Is Leon ever going to tag out of this match? COLE Probably. Although, I'm sure Leon would be more than willing to take all five Enterprise opponents on single-handedly considering their actions in the past few months. The Grand Rapids Golden Child uses his hold on Singleton's arm to thrust him into the cables. But a return to the pornking is prohibited by the ever-so-helpful Molly Nerdly latching onto his ankles. Perhaps this tactic isn't as helpful as we thought, as Leon strides forward and shoulder tackles the hapless henchmen out of the ring, much to Molly's distress and the audience's delight. COLE That's going under the deleted scenes. With Simon currently impaired, Robinson demands Ned Blanchard, enter the ring. Reluctance; thy name is Ned Blanchard! Getting grabbed by your thinning hair and thrown into the ring by Leon Rodez; thy name is also Ned Blanchard! Bewailing the loss of what few strands of precious hair he has left, Ned rises to his feet. A mixture of indignation over the attack, and horror over being left in the ring with Leon Rodez settles over his face. Blue eyes immediately search for a way out, and once they spot it, white boots dart to it. However, Leon clasps his hands onto Ned's tights, locking him firmly into place. COLE Go get 'em Leon! In an act of pure desperation, Ned clamps down onto Leon's neck, then sits out, spiking his archrival with a stunner. As the move wasn't delivered with much impact, it fails to floor Rodez, instead keeping him upright and wobbly. Blanchard moves fast to take advantage of Rodez wounds; grabbing Leon's left arm and twisting it behind his back. Despite the searing pain in his limb Rodez exerts a gargantuan struggle to fight against Ned's attacks. Unfortunately he does not succeed in preventing the Handsome Hustler from lifting him up over his shoulder, and dropping him straight onto his hammerlocked arm. Ned follows with a pinfall. ONE TWO But Leon kicks out, greatly pleasing the Madison Square Garden fans. COACH For real, dawg, is Leon ever planning on tagging anyone else into this match? Both competitors head to their feet, but it's Ned who draws first blood with an irish whip. As Leon makes his way back towards his position, Blanchard throws his six feet two inches into the sky with a leapfrog. Problematically for Blanchard, Le-Ro engages in a leap of his own and slams his purple boots into Ned's chest. Blanchard splashes into the canvas, pain immediately dispersing throughout every inch of his body. Unfortunately the agony is set to get much worse, as the Grand Rapids Golden Child begins twisting him over for the famous Lion tamer. The thought of seeing Rodez's trademark finisher causes the audience to burst with a downrush of cheers. COLE Could this be it? Is it all over? Stricken with panic, Ned pours every ounce of strength in his body into hauling Leon into a rollup. But before Robinson can even entertain the thought of counting Ned's pin, Leon reverses into a pinning situation of his own... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO To the crowd's dismay, Blanchard is able to kickout. COACH Does he think he's better then everyone on his team? Is that it? COLE Not all. It's just that The Enterprise has put him through so much hell, taken his family away from him, that he wants to make sure he personally inflicts as much damage as humanly possible. Sensing trouble, Moneymaker pounds on the turnbuckle in effort to pump some fighting spirit into his underling. As he rises, Ned certainly does get “pumped”. But its not with fighting spirit, rather it's with the legendary four jab combo of The Silky Smooth One. But the trademark kiss is never blown, thanks to Ned thumbing Leon in his green eyes. “BOOOOOO!” In addition to the deluge of hate, Blanchard is issued a stern warning from the official. Ned will take all those admonishments and many more, as his cheap shot has afforded him the chance to make the tag with CPA. COLE Foul play by Ned Blanchard! COACH Foul play? Leaving your four other partners cold on the ring apron for seven minutes is foul play. Allen has little time to acclimate himself to the ring before Rodez's fingerless gloves unleash a barrage of fists into the back of his noggin. Greatly annoyed by the unending storm of strikes, CPA extends his arm to shove his enemy away. But Leon grabs onto his limb and uses it to hurl the bruiser into his (Leon's corner). Just as soon as Allen hits the posts, do Leon's knees slam into his chest like a colossal battering ram. With the wind knocked clear out of him, CPA sinks to the canvas where the leather boots of The Love Machine pound him with dozen of stomps. “LEON! LEON! LEON!” Pleased with his decimation of 4/5 Enterprise members, Rodez finally allows a teammate into the match, D*LUX'S Tyler Bryant. Bryant's appearance is met with much fanfare by the young girls in the arena, who eagerly wave their D*LUX thundersticks in the air. COACH It's about time, Leon Rodez! This isn't a one man show you're running. All your tough-man macho BS is going to cost you if you're stuck near The Enterprise corner late in the match. COLE I have a feeling once Moneymaker gets into the match, Leon will be eager to return to the ring. Bryant tediously hauls his much larger adversary off the canvas. “Hey, Krista, watch this!” He shouts, keen on impressing the fitness model. “Are you watching, Krista? Are you?” He wonders, as he traps Allen into a front facelock for a vertical suplex he couldn't possibly ever manage to execute. “Uh-huh, Maya, I'll help you with your math homework in a sec'.” Krista replies, more concerned with fixing her makeup in her compact mirror. Perhaps if she were paying attention, she'd see Allen reverse Bryant into a vertical suplex of his own. Unwilling to relent on his assault, Allen drags Bryant off the mat, then promptly shoots him back down with a second suplex. Rather then seek the trifecta, Allen moves to his feet, and pours a flood of stomps into Bryant's head. Pain flows swiftly thorough his body, which leads to distressed moans escaping from his lips. Eventually, Allen grabs hold of Bryant's thin black hair and leads him to his feet. He swings the boy over his right shoulder, and clamps onto his left leg, making escape all but impossible. Then Allen jerks down on his victim's trapped leg, slamming him face first into the rock solid canvas. Clutching his bruised nose, Bryant mutters under his breath, partially in pain and partially out of frustration for being bested by this hulking ogre. COACH All this talk about Leon Rodez looking for revenge, or D*LUX looking for revenge. How about CPA looking for revenge after getting screwed, that's right screwed, out of his six man titles! Wrestling is the only sport I know that will allow that kind of crap to take place. Can you imagine if the Phoenix Coyotes showed up to play the Saint Louis Blues, and midway through the second period took off their jerseys to reveal they're the Detroit Red Wings? COLE I know, right. And can you imagine after The Ducks beat the Ottawa Senators for the Stanley Cup if all of a sudden The New York Rangers showed up and said “Sorry, we're you're real opponents!”? Because that's what The Enterprise did to Chicks Over Dicks. Allen scrapes the boybander off the mat, then drives the point of his elbow into his forehead. The attack knocks Bryant loopy and into the waiting treachery of The Enterprise corner. Yearning to bring upon misery to his teenyboppin foe, Theodore Moneymaker reaches over the ropes and hooks onto Ty's thin arms. This allows his bodyguard to ravage Bryant's midsection with unanswered punches. After being subsequently chewed out by Krista over his substandard officiating, Robinson calls for an end to the illegal double teaming. At Moneymaker's orders, Allen begrudgingly capitulates to the ref's demands. COLE The problem with The Enterprise is that they think the rules don't apply to them. As if their money makes them above the OAOAST rulebook! Acting on a renewed spurt of energy, Bryant bursts forward at CPA. But without so much as batting an eye, Allen reaches out and grabs him by the throat. He lifts the startled teen idol with one hand, as his cold eyes regard him with detached amusement. An instant later he slings the boy shoulder first into the ringposts. And as Ty's lifeless body slumps to the floor, Allen casually kicks the carcass to the side. COACH Look at the power CPA is coming with! I bet he eats sandwiches bigger then Tyler Bryant. Despite the astounding pain that paralyzes his shoulder, Bryant fights to his feet to continue his war with CPA. Yet as he stares down the king sized warrior, Tyler quickly realizes he'll need a gift from god to emerge victorious. As God doesn't hear his prayers, Tyler has to settle for the next best thing; Alix Maria Spezia bulldogging CPA into a harmless husk! "YEAAAA!" Robinson does not partake in the crowd's glee, and sternly questions Alix over her misdeeds. The interogation prompts Alix to sing, “I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot no deputy Oh, no, oh I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot no deputy Ooh, ooh, ooh Yeah. All 'round in ma hometown they're tryin' to track meh down, yeah .They say they want to bring me in guiltaaaay. For the killing of a deputy...for the life of a deputy ” COACH What? Why don't you get on her about cheating, and being above the rulebook? What she did is every bit as illegal if not more so then what The Enterprise has done. COLE But she sung a song! Due to Robinson distraction by karaoke hour at Madison Square Garden, Allen is able to switch places with The Billion Dollar Heir, Theodore Moneymaker. After a brief discussion the duo craft a devious double team, and move quickly to complete it before Robinson loses interest in Alix's American Idol. They trap Bryant into a front facelock, then hook their hands onto his cargo pants in order to drag him into the sky. But the second Bryant is lifted into the air, is the second their double team falls to pieces, as he counters them into a double ddt! "YEAAAA!" Pursuing the offensive, Bryant lashes out with a double dropkick at Moneymaker! His tennis shoes slam into the tycoon like a bullet train knocking him backward into the ring ropes. Sensing that his boss is not cruising towards the auspicious debut he had anticipated, Simon Singleton makes an emergency tag. COLE I don't think Theodore Moneymaker expected his Angleslam debut to go quite that poorly! How long was he in the ring? Six seconds? Leon Rodez can go through nearly the entire Enterprise and Moneymaker can't even make it a quarter of a minute. With grimey face contorted in rage, Simon darts towards Bryant in a berserk fury. Cocking his arm in a single fluid motion, Ty surges forward and cleaves the incoming wrestler to pieces with a leg lariat! Despite the force of the strike, Singleton is able to quickly lift his battered bones off the canvas. However, he isn't capable of stoppung Tyler from hooking his arms around his, and twisting his elevated body behind his back. Without a speck of resistance offered from the Video Voyeur, TyBry thuds him into the canvas with a Vertebreaker! The cheers are enormous for the youngster's deadly strike, and he basks in the appreciation with a solid fist pump. Going by the “one can't grieve forever” motto, Molly tugs on Ned's leg and asks, “Um, If he's irreversibly crippled and/or dead do I still get college credit for this internship?” Meanwhile, The Tremendous one hooks Singleton's outside leg for a pinfall... ONE TWO Double S lifts his shoulder off mere moments before the crucial three count. COLE So close! In odd display of technical know-how, Bryant attempts to choke Singleton into an unconscious blackness with a grounded inverted facelock. But, his efforts yield nothing but failure, as Singleton is easily able to fight to his feet. Though he's upright, the six man champion's submission is still applied. However, Singleton has the anecdote for that problem, and he shifts his body into the air, hopping to flip behind his rival. Ty tries to dash these hopes by bringing Singleton down with a curtain call. But, The Video Voyeur succeeds in his escape attempt, and lands behind Bryant. His hands coil around the boy's slim waist, then bring his entire body into the air for a German Suplex. The cruiserweight is slammed into the canvas with such incredible force that it pulls all semblance of life from his face. As Bryant's teammates watch anxiously, Robinson scores the resulting pinfall... ONE TWO Tremendous Tyler kicks out, allowing an entire arena to breathe a sigh of relief. Unfortunately there's no relief on the horizon for Tyler, as Singleton roughly leads him off the canvas. He contorts Bryant's left arm behind his back, then tucks his head through his right arm. Singleton continues to awkwardly twist his helpless rival by clasping onto his left leg. With Bryant fully under his control, Double S shoots him into the air, then dives backwards. Bryant's arm is snapped against the canvas, and then crushed beneath the descending two hundred thirty pounds of the three time tag team champion. COLE I don't even know what to call that move. COACH I do. I call it “very freaking painful”! Simon moves to his feet with his rugged face possessing a scowl as ferocious as a werewolf. He crouches down, arms outstretched like wings of a bird of prey, and drool dribbling from a mouth that vulgarly demands Bryant stand and face him. COLE That's a look we don't see too often from Simon, and it can't mean anything good for Tyler. The exact second Ty's groggy body plods upright, Singleton pounces with predatory speed. He twirls the boybander around, and before Bryant even has a moment to react, he's being lacerated by a diving lariat! The stiff attack drives Tyler's broken body to the ground, with Singleton landing on top of him a pinning position... ONE TWO Leon Rodez breaks up the fall with an amazingly violent boot to the back of Simon's head. As he watches blood trickle through the unkempt hair of his partner, Ned sees red, and begins to enter the ring to get at Rodez. However he quickly rethinks that course of action when he realizes that Leon is likely to give him the beating of a lifetime. Singleton doesn't seem to suffer from the same bout of cowardice as Ned and engages in a heated argument with the corner based Rodez, frantically pointing to the blood that seeps from his skull. COLE I don't think Simon's going to win any apologies from Leon if that's what he's looking for. After tossing one final insult Rodez's way, Singleton shifts his focus back to his ring based foe. Problematically, his verbal altercation with Rodez granted Tyler enough time to recover his health, and he immediately besieges Simon with knees to the midsection. Unable to stomach the torrent of strikes, Double S frees himself from the assault by Irish whipping Bryant away. Once the teen scream returns to his location, Singleton snakes his legs around his ankles for a drop toe hold. Yet, as he plummets to the canvas Tyler has the wherewithal to slap the outstretched hand of Shayne Brave! COACH You see? Leon had his hand out ready for another tag, and he got straight up denied. He ain't never gonna get one! You tag him in, and he might never tag out. Dude is wrong for that. Unaware that a tag was ever made, Simon is taken by total surprise when Showtime blitzes him with a springboard lariat! As The Video Voyeur struggles to both stand and figure out where the hell Tyler went, his current foe darts to ropes. When he nears Singleton, Showtime soars above his doubled over body, then shoots his legs downward, causing the soles of his boots to smash into Simon's head. “SHAYNE'S A HOTTIE! SHAYNE'S A HOTTIE!” the girls sing. The object of the prepubescent love drags Simon off the mat, then stuns him with a succession of elbows. He leaves his foe dazed and wobbly, and heads towards the ropes, returning with a lou thesz press. But his minuscule bodyweight works to his disadvantage, as it permits Simon to catch him in his arms and step backwards into his corner. Moneymaker spots an opportunity for mischief and clutches onto Brave's highlighted hair. From there and he and his lackey work in unison to drive the youngster throat first into the cables! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Incensed at the illegal double-team, not to mention the fact she's been largely unfeatured thus far in the match, Krista jumps into the ring and threatens to mash referee Robinson's face if she doesn't get the camera on her soon... I mean, uh, disqualify The Enterprise. Yeah. COLE What, you're not going to call that Coach? An assist from the outside and a hotshot across the top rope, neither legal I might add, to turn the tide of this match. That sound about right to you? COACH Yeah, it was rad huh? As Krista is directed back to the corner, Simon reaches up into his corner looking for a tag from one of his partners. With the ref distracted though, Christian Wright realises there's no point following the rules and is already in the ring, preparing to put the boots to Shayne. So out goes Simon, figuring the effort was good enough. COLE Sure enough, referee Robinson beginning to have some problems keeping ten combatants under control with tempers running so high. Wright drags Shayne to his feet and into the centre of the ring, executing a simple snap suplex. The Natural then calls over the referee as he makes the cover... 1... 2... Leon breaks the count. COACH You know what, maybe Robinson oughta be given some more powers. Like, if somebody continues to jump into the match when they're not legal, he should be allowed to handcuff them to the ropes. Maybe we should give it a trial run tonight. As Leon is shuffled back off to his corner, another legal tag is made on The Enterprise side, which is just as well as this time Robinson does catch it. In comes the CEO, Theodore Moneymaker, booed on his very arrival into the ring. Already laughing to himself, The Billion Dollar Heir pushes himself up onto the second rope, CW holding the boybander in place as his boss brings down a double axehandle to the small of the back. MONEYMAKER "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH There we go, now Teddy's feeling it! COLE I'm feeling something too. COACH Listen, I know he's an impressive man but still, way too much information buddy. COLE I was going to say 'ill', actually. Moneymaker props the boybander up in order to lay in a bodyshot to the... well, the body. Another couple of quick shots connect, backing Shayne up against the ropes and tempting Teddy into an irish whip. On the rebound, Shayne takes a short elbow flush on the jaw and crashes to the canvas, right in place for a FISTFUL OF DOLLARS~! COACH YES! Love that move! Not quite as enamoured is referee Robinson who cautions Moneymaker for the use of a closed fist. The honourable Mr. Moneymaker innocently claims he used an open palm, to which Robinson reminds him the move is called a 'fistdrop' for a reason. Defeated, Moneymaker shoots him a glare as he drags Brave to his feet again. Setting, Teddy lifts Shayne up high for a back suplex, making the teen heartthrob think it over for a couple of seconds before he finally brings him crashing down to earth! It's all looking very comfortable now for The Enterprise, all smiles and applause as Moneymaker lounges back across Shayne's chest, demanding the count... 1... 2... No. Not settling for merely kicking out, Shayne tries straight away to crawl over and make a tag. Moneymaker reacts quickly enough to grab hold of his ankle though, dragging Shayne agonisingly away from his team-mates and into Enterprise territory, where Simon Singleton accepts a foot-tag. Despite the fact his boss has only a tentative hold on the ankle of "Showtime" Shayne, the arrogant Video Voyeur takes his sweet time over entering the ring and dropping a leg across the back of his head, which earns him a little 'peptalk' from The Billion Dollar Heir. Simon's solution? Why, to tell Molly to speed that sequence up in post-production of course! Oh, that wacky Simon Singleton! Production notes out of the way, Singleton resumes with the wrestling as he catches Shayne on the way up with a knee deep in the abdomen. Simon then loads Shayne up, whipping him across the ring and springing up for a standing dropkick... ...NOBODY HOME! Shayne latches his arm around the top rope and stops his momentum. Realising in mid-air he's in trouble Singleton makes a 'cut' signal with his hand even as he plummets hard to the canvas. And Molly eagerly notes it down, forgetting for a second the predicament her hero is in as Shayne reaches out, tagging in KRISTA!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Here we go! Vaulting into the ring, Krista stops for a moment having taken even herself by surprise with her athleticism (on high heels no less!). She plays it cool though, naturally, only posing for four-ish seconds to allow the crowd to take in her brilliance before she goes to work. A lucha-libre shoulder bump puts Singleton on the backfoot, giving Krista the extra second to springboard off the middle rope, twisting around and wiping out The Video Voyeur with a crossbody block! Krista springs back to her feet, making a detour in order to pieface all the members of The Enterprise off the apron. All except CPA that is as the faceshove serves only to PO the bigman. Krista remains a step ahead in the brains department though, fooling the bigman into thinking someone's jumped the barrier before dropkicking the former nightclub bouncer in the back, knocking him off the apron and on top of Blanchard and Wright on the floor! "For real, you one dumb motherfucker." Krista says matter-of-factly... ...forgetting all about Singleton, who sneaks up from behind and knees her in the kidneys. Krista goes tumbling out through the ring ropes, able to catch the middle cable to avoid going all the way to the Garden floor. However, as Singleton is backed away and Krista pulls herself up ready for a springboard, over rushes Theodore Moneymaker. The Billion Dollar Heir aims a Lariat at her shins which is an unorthodox tactic and one K.I.D certainly didn't see coming, her legs getting scythed out from underneath her, causing her to go spiralling forward, FACE-FIRST INTO THE RING APRON!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" As Krista ends up in a crumpled heap on the arena floor, it's left to poor Charles Robinson to keep the other four members of her team under control. COACH Man, that was a NASTY spill Krista just took! That's what you get for wearing heels in a wrestling ring. COLE Coach, she got clotheslined off the apron. COACH Oh, there's always an excuse isn't there! 'I just got clotheslined officer', 'I only had one drink officer', 'I'm just holding onto it for a friend officer and by the way did you see me in Just My Luck?' The woman's a lush! Deal with it! Lush or no lush Krista certainly looks punch-drunk as she's deposited back into the ring by The Billion Dollar Heir. Simon rushes over and pulls her away from the ropes, looking to take full advantage as he hops over top and makes the cover... 1... FEET ON THE ROPES! 2... MONEYMAKER HOLDS THE FEET! No! COLE That was the most ridiculous cover I've ever seen! There's breaking rules and there's plain desperation. That was the latter. Singleton jumps to his feet and lays in a couple of stomps on the fallen Miss California (1980 something, don't ask don't tell) before noticing an out-stretched hand being waved his way. Despite being squashed moments earlier by CPA, the sight of the mother of his child prone and hurting is the equivalent of a pain-killer for Ned Blanchard. The Beverly Hills Blonds make the exchange and pull Krista to her feet, sending her off the ropes with a double irish whip before separating. A drop toehold by Simon cuts Krista down and Ned follows up with the point of the elbow to the back of the head to further smush Miss Isadora Duncan's stunning features. ALIX D*LUX :( COACH Yo, did Leon misplace his penis or something? That made me sad and I hate Krista. Why? Because I'm a man, answer to both sections a and b of that sentence. Where's the sad face Le-Ro? No sad face. Angry face, sure, as Blanchard takes a hold of Krista's flowing blonde locks and starts grinding her face into the ring canvas like he's juicing a lemon. Referee Robinson soon breaks that up, so Blanchard makes the bold move to go back to wrestling. He pulls Krista up into a camel clutch, just for a second, before tucking forward with a Gedoh Clutch... 1... 2... Broken up by Leon!! COACH For real... handcuffs. This time Robinson has to physically restrain Leon from getting more involved. Ned isn't taking any chances though, tagging Christian Wright back into the match. Always happy to get his hands on Krista, in rushes Wright, pulling her head off the canvas enough to slam it right back down! Krista checks her nose is still in place in her compact mirror. Until Wright snatches it off of her though, dropping it in the centre of the ring and STOMPING IT INTO A HUNDRED PIECES!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Oh, now it's personal!" warns an irate Alix. "NOW it's PERSONAL!" Wright goes back on the attack as the referee sweeps the broken glass and casing away. Pushing Krista into a corner, Wright delivers a European Uppercut. Embarrasingly, Krista's voluptious frame absorbs most of the impact, forcing CW to quickly gouge her in the eyes before she can strike back. COACH doitagain. please. Apparantly Wright isn't too familiar with women. Behold, he actually chastises Krista for blocking his strike and telling her, if she's going to get them in the way anyway, he'll just do this... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops her in the chest! COACH ohbabydon'tstopmoving. COLE You need help man. Wright finally ends the foreplay and tries to whip Krista corner to corner. However, Krista manages to reverse the momentum and swing CW into the turnbuckles instead. As Wright hits the buckles, in follows Krista with a diving forearm which crushes The Natural and gives her partners hope of a resurgeance. Unfortunately though, Krista gets a little too confident and instead of tagging she tries coming off the ropes, paying for it via Theodore Moneymaker's knee in her spine. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Off the ropes staggers Krista, right into a recovering CW who lifts her from under the armpits into the WRIGHT OFF!! 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Only a two but definately a close one. COACH You know, for a four-time Tag Champ, Krista's pretty selfish huh? COLE Krista? Selfish? Noooooo, I don't believe that for a no shit sherlock of course she is. Getting that sinking feeling all of a sudden, Wright decides to get out while the going is good and bring CPA into the match. The bigman marches into the ring, still pissed at being outsmarted earlier. He roughly hauls Krista to her feet and just manhandles the poor lass into a neutral corner, muscling up and POUNDING Krista's ribcage with a heavy bodyshot. That's enough for Krista and she goes foetal against the bottom turnbuckle before the ex-pro boxer can land any more punches. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" MSG lets the KID hear it and so do D*LUX from the corner. Btw, acronyms are cool. Speaking of which, CPA pulls Krista out of the corner, scooping her into his giant arms and slamming her down by the corner. With a nod to his team-mates he then inexplicably climbs to the middle rope, looking to drop the big elbow... ...and MISSING, woefully! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Just not smart. D*LUX get the crowd a-clapping as Krista now searches for the tag. Crawling on hands and knees she looks up, to find herself crawling towards the wrong corner entirely. And that setback allows the tag to be made on the opposite side, Ned coming in and cutting off Krista with a knee to the back of the head!! COACH But he had the presence of mind to get that tag, didn't he? CPA's still a rookie in the grap game don't forget, he'll make a few teensie snaffus now and then sure. But Ned's a vet man, he knows what's up. Case in point, he gives Leon a shove in the chest, drawing him into the ring and allowing Simon to come in for a doubleteam. The Beverly Hills Blonds quickly set up Krista for another double irish whip. This time they stay side by side and look for the Double Feature Flapjack. Krista is up and over though, leapfrogging the duo and giving them something to remember them by in two firm ASS GRABS~! The Blonds stand bold upright, Simon looking shocked... and even more shocked when Ned turns to him grinning like a chesire cat! Seeing his partner's point, Ned quickly changes expression to a scowl before the two of them turn around in unison, to get flattened by a Quebrada from Krista!! The Garden come unglued as Krista pushes to her feet with four hands being stretched her way. "Ah hell, my nose is probably broken..." concedes Krista, before begrudgingly... ...TAGGING IN LEON RODEZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE LUKEWARM TAG!! COACH Man I hate wrestling. With Ned in his crosshairs Leon dives into the ring, going right after The Handsome Hustler with a flurry of wild right hands. The New York crowd go wild for the few seconds that lasts, before Singleton attacks from behind. Leon is running on adrenaline right now though and barely feels the ambush from Simon, whipping around and striking him hard in the gut with a rolling sole BUTT. By top and tails, Leon then pitches The Video Voyeur forward, causing him to spear his own partner, The Blonds crashing through the ropes to the floor in one Beverly Hills bundle! Moneymaker despairs on the apron, Mackenzie similarly on the outside, as Christian Wright runs in and makes the scene resemble a kung-fu movie even more by soaring through the ropes with an Enziguri helping him on his way! And just to make the point, Alix jumps into the ring and lets out a shrill war cry while adopting the crane position. Which is just plain odd, until Theodore Moneymaker tries to attack and EATS a crane kick, sending him up and over the top rope with his buddies!! "Jackie Chan Chun-Li makes me so wet." confides Alix. (Patty sez:Alix is a lesbian remember, and Jackie Chan isn't too high on a lesiban's too do list. even if he though he has breasts.) "Thanks for that." "Why? You're not Asian Lee-Lee..." Alix asks dead seriously, not waiting around for an answer as she shoots herself over the top rope AND ROLLING ON TOP OF THE ENTERPRISE GUARTET WITH A SOMERSAULT PESCADO!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAA..." Unfortunately for Alix, the combined efforts of Wright, Moneymaker, Ned and Simon actually get their stuff together long enough to link arms and CATCH Alix! Leon quickly grabs the ropes and looks to make their teamwork null and void. He needn't worry though, as from out of nowhere, Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant coming sprinting past him, diving past on opposite side TO CUT DOWN THE ENTERPRISE WITH STEREO TOPÉS!!!!! "...EEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE ...EEEEAAAAHHHHH indeed! D*LUX taking flight right there and that's uncluttered the ring somewhat. Left in said ring are Leon and now CPA, making a move towards The Grand Rapids Golden Child. And I mean a real quick move. Leon is still quick enough to move out of the way though, causing CPA to go steamrollering into the D*LUXLeonCOD corner chest first. Staggering out of the turnbuckles, CPA turns around and gets dropped across the knees with an Inverted Lungblower to further knock the breath from his lungs! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Back up, Leon plays with fire a little as he draws the ex-boxer into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...AND GETTING KOed WITH A HUGE RIGHT CROSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH CPA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Lucky for Rodez, the force of the punch sends him rolling underneath the bottom rope to the floor where he can't be pinned. With an angry grunt, CPA follows after The Silky Smooth One, just as D*LUX had sent Christian Wright back into the ring. Together, D*LUX back Wright up into the ropes with some kicks and some punches before sending him off with an irish whip. The boybanders link arms hoping for a double back elbow. And although they miss with that attempt, they're ready for the double lariat from The Natural, hooking both of his arms and driving him across the knees with the Cowell Movement! COLE The tag team specialists have a man isolated, here's the cover, could this do it? 1... 2... Kickout! D*LUX pool their resources again and look for another double team on The Natural. After a snapmare by Tyler, the duo come off opposite ropes looking for the stereo dropkicks. However, Tyler's run is impeded by Mackenzie DeCenzo, reaching into the ring and snatching the leg of The Tremendous One! Tyler is distracted by this and so is Shayne, coming to a stop next to Wright who quickly shoots out his legs and wraps Shayne up into a Texas Cloverleaf!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Look at this, Tyler distracted! And Shayne Brave is trapped! COACH That's how you deal with sexually frustrated white boys, right there! Grind it Mackie! As Mackie does her level best to keep Bryant occupied, shouts of pain start to pour out of his tag team partner's mouth. Wright sits back on the hold in an attempt to force a quick submission. But Tyler is aware of his partner's predicament and brushes off Mackenzie, turning around... *SMACK!* ...and landing with a SHINING ENZIGURI on CWii "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" As Wright slumps forward and Shayne's legs untangle themselves, Tyler has little time to be pleased with himself over the save. CPA has since rolled back into the ring. And as Tyler turns around to check on his tag partner's condition, he finds a burly bodyguard standing in his way. Standing in his way and lifting him up... ...and then just DECIMATING him with a Front Spinebuster!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Oh-ho-HO! Whiplash city baby! COLE Tyler Bryant's head just bounced off the canvas like a rubber ball right there. However, with the frenetic pace of the match, CPA doesn't have any time to dwell on his big move. But dwell on it he does and after putting some badmouth down on the fallen boybander, the bigman is warned to turn around by Mackie. By the time he does though, Alix is already up top and soaring towards him, wrapping her perfect pins around his head and taking him over with a Flying Hurricanrana!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Inexplicably (par for the course, I realise, but work with me), Alix decides now would be the perfect time to launch into a lengthy song and dance routine. Calling to one of the many people crowded around the timekeeper's table, all of whom have no actual work to be doing, Alix recieves a pre-prepared black cane encursted with sparkling jewels that spell out the name 'ALIX' and starts can-canning, to the delight of the MSG crowd! "Buh-buh-bahbahbah, buh-buh-bahbahbah, buh-buh-bahbahbah BA... START SPREADING THE NEW... UGH!!" Unfortunately, a firm knee in the spine from Theodore Moneymaker brings a premature end to her rendition of "New York, New York", whipping the crowd into a frenzy. As Alix goes crashing to the arena floor, Moneymaker makes with the "money fingers" and generally rubs it in the face of the fans. Watched from across the ring by Krista Isadora Duncan. COACH Uh... Teddy. TEDDY! TURN AROUND! Fortunately for Theo, he's actually facing out on Coach's side of the ring and just about hears what the lowly commentator has to say. Not so fortunately, he hears it just in time to get leg lariated in the face and sent out of the ring in similarly unceremonial fashion. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Bending down, Krista picks up the cane Alix had left behind and raises her eyebrows, giving the cane a look that I'm not going to describe because I'm a family man. Well, not really. But I'm bashful. Krista throws the cane onto the announce table and demands Coach and Cole "keep that safe for me", before turning back to the action. However, as everyone seems to have fallen into the habit of, she turns right into an oncoming attack... *SMACK!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ...as Ned Blanchard strikes her in the back of the head with the 90210 Enziguri! COACH YO~! She just got straight 90210WNED~! Blanchard dives on top of Krista like... well, the previous time he dived on top of Krista, eagerly and foaming from the mouth... 1... 2... SAVE BY LEON!! Furious, Ned marches to his feet... and comes to a screeching halt when he sees Leon Rodez right in front of his face. NED Eep. Rodez suddenly unloads with right hands on The Handsome Hustler, the red-hot New York crowd turning themselves up yet another few degrees. Backing Ned up, Rodez sends his man for the right and delivers on a HIGH BAAAAAAACK bodydrop!! Ned rolls to his knees and begs off, to which Leon responds with a firm Bionic Elbow to the top of the head. And another. Another. Another. Ned is to his feet by now and still taking elbows, before another whip sends him in. This time, Leon springs up and connects with a Standing Dropkick, almost turning Ned inside out on impact. RODEZ COME OOOOOONNNNN!!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" With everyone else down or otherwise pre-occupied, it looks like the match has suddenly come down to Blanchard and Rodez. Which is bad news for Blanchard as he stumbles to his feet. Finding himself by the ropes, Ned realises he needs to turn around and does so, met with a boot to the gut from Leon and set up for the Shiranui... ...NO! Ned manages to push Leon off into the turnbuckles chest first, leading to a collision of heads as Rodez rebounds out unexpectedly. COLE Oh! Both men go down, we've got battles all around the ring, people strewn around the ring. This is turning chaotic here, I think the referee has given up on these ten and just said to hell with it, let's let 'em go! COACH Much as I hate to admit it, it's the right call. As Ned checks his teeth are in place, the ladies at ringside realise they have to do something with Leon recovering quickly. Actually, correction. Lady. With Molly busy recording her man Singleton getting the jeri-curls pounded off of him by Shayne Brave, despite his pained pleas not to I might add and with Mackenzie DeCenzo in dreamland watching Alix and CW going at it, it's left to Jade Rodez to begrudingly take the lead and climb to the ring apron to provide a distraction. COLE Aw no. This is one thing the referee should be getting on here, Jade has to get down from there. Sure enough, Leon's attention is taken, long enough for Blanchard to attack from behind with a double axehandl...NO! Leon sidesteps... ...AND JADE GETS KNOCKED OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH NO! COLE Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Jade hits the solid Garden ground hard and grabs her tailbone in pain, while Blanchard takes the opportunity to catch her still distracted brother with a desperate Lariat! Down goes Leon in a heap. But Ned simply can't follow up, unable to help himself from rolling out of the ring to check on the fallen Jade. COACH Man, have some compassion would you? Jade could be hurt bad. COLE We've been down this road before Coach. COACH You're a chauvonist is all. At least Ned is a gentleman. Clearly concerned about Jade's tailbone, Ned tries to help her upright. And gets a good old handful in doing so I might add. Jade clearly doesn't appreciate that and swats Ned's hand from her backside, tending to the sore spot herself. Ned's offer to rub it better gets another swat away from Jade, already angry at basically being groped by The Handsome Hustler. COLE Oh yeah, real gentleman. As Jade continues to nurse her lower back, Ned looks around. Leon is still down and crawling into the ring behind him is Theodore Moneymaker, arms outstretched ready to lock the Silky Smooth One in the Bank Vault. Which is the perfect opportunity for The Handsome Hustler. Reaching into his tights, Ned tries to apologise for his misdemeanour with Jade by flashing a wad of dollar bills in her face. And it's fair to say, she's not impressed. *SLAP!!* Not impressed at all. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE ALRIGHT! WAY TO GO JADE! COACH Down goes Ned from the thunderous slap, causing Moneymaker to stop dead in his tracks just short of Leon. Away crawls The Silky Smooth One as Moneymaker leans over the ropes and starts to spew a stream of obscenities at Jade for her actions. Jade just takes one long, disgusted look at Moneymaker, before reaching down, collecting up the wad of cash AND TEARING THEM CLEAN IN HALF, THROWING THE REMNANTS IN THE AIR LIKE CONFETTI!!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH OH! OH NO SHE DID NOT! OH NO SHE DID JUST NOT DO THAT! COLE I think the deal's off!! With the MSG crowd going positively wild, the shell-shocked Moneymaker turns around and gets deadlifted up onto the back of Leon Rodez. Walking into the centre of the ring, the beaming Rodez gives some last words to The Billion Dollar Heir, before sitting out, spiking his jaw across his shoulder!! COLE BANANA HAMMOCK!! COACH NO! Cover by Leon, Jade counting along... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! COLE YES! YES! YES, IT'S OVER! COACH This isn't happening. This is all a nightmare, a horrible horrible nightmare... *DINGDINGDING!* The shareef don't like it Rock the Casbah Rock the Casbah BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of this contest... the team consisting of D*LUX, OAOAST Tag Team Champions KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN and ALIX MARIA SPEZIA... and, "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLLEEEEOOOONN RRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!! Stepping over the quivering body of Ned Blanchard, Jade slides into the ring. And after an awkward look exchanged with her brother, the past four months are suddenly forgotten as Leon and Jade embrace in the centre of the ring!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH I think I'm going to be sick Mikey. No fooling, I gotta vomit and hard. COLE What a special moment here at AngleSlam 2007! Finally, thank God, Jade Rodez has finally seen the light!! Hallelujah!! COACH That should be Ned in those arms damnit! Having been dragged from the ring, Moneymaker is dragged away by the rest of the disbelieving Enterprise. Blanchard is dragged away too, on the verge of tears and now D*LUX get in on the hugfest, re-united with their manager who is also close to tears and seen mouthing the words "I'm so sorry" over and over again. On the outside of the ring stand Chicks Over Dicks, not getting drawn into the re-uniting process just yet. COLE Things continue to go from bad to worse for The Enterprise. No titles and now, they're leverage over these five individuals is gone. All is right with the world, unless you're part of The Enterprise that is.