Patty O'Green

COLE Folks, we're set for ten-man tag team action here on HeldDOWN~! Let's go to Michael Buffer! Sweet Home Chicago hits, and Jumbo dances through the curtains. COLE And here comes the big man! BUFFER The following is a ten-man tag team contest, scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, a member of Team #1! Hailing from Chicago, Illinois, weighing 440 pounds...JUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Jumbo high fives fans on his way down the aisle, then climbs into the ring, and raises his hands in the air, drawing cheers. Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Team Heyross makes their way through the curtains. COLE Some new music for Team Heyross, as they make their way down the aisle! BUFFER Representing Team #2, at a total combined weight of 480 pounds...first, from Minneapolis, Minnesota...CHHHHHHHHHHHHARLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Moss slides in, as the crowd boos. BUFFER His partner, hailing from Seattle, Washington...QUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUENTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN BENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNJAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Collectively, they are known as TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! The crowd boos, as Benjamin climbs onto the apron, then stands on the second rope outside and poses, while looking into the main camera. Benjamin then hops into the ring and high-fives Moss, as Master Blaster (Jammin') plays, and Denzel Spencer gets a nice ovation for his entrance. BUFFER Representing Team #1, hailing from Montego Bay, Jamaica, and weighing in at 227 pounds...DENNNNNNNNNNNZEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Spencer slaps the fans' hands, then slides in and poses on the buckles. Je t'adore, Je t'adore... The lights go out, and a pink light fills the entryway, as Felix Strutter walks through the curtains. COLE And the former Heartland champion out to the ring for this star-studded ten-man tag! BUFFER Representing Team #2, from Thunder Bay, Ontario, weighing in at 218 pounds..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRR!!!!! COLE And of course, Strutter losing the belt to Sandman9000, who made his stunning return at Zero Hour, in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH And Sandman is also a part of this match, I believe! COLE That's right! God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid gets a big pop as he makes his way out, through the yellow smoke in the entryway. BUFFER Representing Team #1! Hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE And another participant in that brutal match, Thunderkid! COACH This is going to be a great match, Cole! Thunderkid poses on the buckles, as Renegade hits and boos fill the arena as the lights go out. A single spotlight shines on the curtains, as Reject walks out and down to the ring. COACH The International World champion, Reject! BUFFER Representing Team #2...hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...he is the OAOAST International champion of the WORLD...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJECT!!!!! Reject walks slowly to the ring, shoving his belt in people's faces, letting them know that he is in fact a World champion. He slides into the ring, and poses with the belt, as a cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD starts up, as Brock Ausstin walks out to a monster pop and stops at the top of the ramp, and starts doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! BUFFER Representing Team #1! Hailing from Victoria, Minnesota, and weighing in at 290 pounds...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock walks to ringside, and hops onto the apron, then pulls on the ropes, causing pyro to shoot out of the ringposts. COACH Whoa! Brock then climbs into the ring, and starts doing the dance again, as Magnum Opus plays, and Alfdogg gets a mixed reaction as he walks to the ring. COLE And this is the final member of Team 2, former holder of many OAOAST titles, Alfdogg! BUFFER Introducing the final member of Team #2, weighing in at 240 pounds...he is a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf walks to the ring, then climbs in and poses on the buckles, to a mixed reaction. His music dies down, and the crowd starts to anticipate Sandman's entrance. The lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. COLE The Heartland champion about to make his appearance! Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! A figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. BUFFER And the final member of Team #1, hailing from South of Heaven...weighing in at 220 pounds...he is the OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA AAAANNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! The fans are going crazy, as Sandman, totally focused on the ring, walks down the aisle, then climbs into the ring. He rips his bandanas off, then hands his belt to the referee, who snatches it away quickly, obviously intimidated. Both teams then get together, as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE And we're ready for a big-time ten-man tag team match! Guys step out, and Sandman and Reject are left to start. Reject hesitantly moves in, and gives Sandman a thumb to the eye. He then starts delivering right hands, but Sandman fires back! COLE And Sandman getting the best of this exchange with Reject! Sandman backs Reject into the corner, and fires off forearms, until Reject slumps into a sitting position! The crowd cheers him on, as Sandman picks up Reject, who delivers a knee to the gut, then puts Sandman in the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then whips Sandman across, but Sandman gets the feet up on a charge! He then grabs Reject and delivers a big headbutt, sending him down on the mat! COACH And the International World champion not faring well right now against the Heartland champion! Sandman picks up Reject, and executes a snapmare, followed by a seated dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman picks up Reject, and rakes his eyes across the top rope, much to the delight of the crowd! COACH What's wrong with these people? That's cheating! COLE Why don't you go tell Sandman that? COACH ...well, I would, but I've got a job to do here. COLE I see. Sandman tags in Jumbo, who steps through and delivers a big haymaker! He then delivers a second one, before sending Reject across. Reject ducks a clothesline, and catches Jumbo with a spinning wheel kick! COLE And finally, a big move from Reject! Reject quickly tags out to Alf, who goes to pick up Jumbo, but Jumbo pucks him up in a bearhug and carries him to the corner, where he works him over with punches. Jumbo backs up, and charges, but Alf gets his feet up! Jumbo is staggered, then Alf hops to the second rope, and catches him from behind with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf gets to his feet, and executes a snap legdrop! Alf then moves around to his legs, and picks them up, stepping through for a SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf going for the Sharpshooter early! COACH But can he get it on the big man? Alf steps halfway over, but TK jumps in and clotheslines him to the mat! COACH Come on, ref! Jumbo gets to his feet, then picks up Alf. He whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a BIG BOOT~! He then tags out to TK! COLE And now it's Alf and TK! TK picks up Alf, and executes a European uppercut! He delivers a second one, which staggers Alf back into the corner. TK then whips Alf across, and catches him coming out with a PRESS SLAM~! COACH Uh-oh... Alf is slammed down hard to the mat! TK lays him back down, and drops a knee to the sternum! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK picks up Alf again, and whips him into the ropes. TK puts his head down, however, and Alf gives him a kick! Alf then delivers a savate kick, before hooking TK and taking him over with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Great belly-to-belly suplex by Alf! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf walks over and tags Strutter, while TK rolls over and tags Denzel Spencer. COLE Tags on both sides, and it's Strutter and Spencer! COACH What an act of cowardice by TK, once he saw Felix come in, he rolled right over and tagged out! COLE Strutter and Spencer circle the ring, and tie up. Strutter backs Spencer into a corner, then takes him out with an armdrag! Strutter poses, to boos, but Spencer bounces right back and hits a running enziguri! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Can't take your eyes off the ball in this one! Spencer scoops up Strutter, and delivers a rib breaker! He follows with a standing moonsault, but Strutter gets the knees up! COACH These two are so quick, Cole! COLE And Felix Strutter a little quicker on that exchange, getting the knees up! Strutter drags Spencer over to the corner, and tags in Quentin Benjamin. COLE And now it's one half of Team Heyross, Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin executes a gutwrench suplex, followed by a fistdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin picks up Spencer, and executes a backbreaker, then heads to the top rope. He waits for Spencer to get to his feet, and executes a flying clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin whips Spencer into the ropes, and tries a spinning wheel kick, but Spencer hooks the ropes, and Benjamin crashes into the mat! Spencer tags in Brock, which gets a loud reaction. COACH Uh-oh... Benjamin begs off, but to no avail, as Brock grabs him, then picks him up, and veals him across the ring! COLE Look at the strength of Brock Ausstin! Benjamin is in tremendous pain, as Brock picks him up in a two-handed chokehold, and slams him down to the mat! Cover... 1... 2... Strutter saves! Brock tags Sandman back in, while Benjamin tags Moss. COACH Heh...Moss didn't look too happy about that tag! COLE And I don't blame him, because look at who's across the ring from him! Moss slowly moves in, and goes to the eyes, then backs him into a corner and delivers some shoulder thrusts. COLE But look at Charlie Moss, taking it to him! Moss whips Sandman across, and charges...but Sandman moves, then floors Moss with a YAKUZA KICK~! Moss staggers into his corner, swinging and missing for a tag! COLE And look at this, none of the other guys want in there! After a few seconds, Strutter holds his hand out, and gets the tag. COLE Finally, Felix steps in there, with the man who took the Heartland title from him eleven days ago! Strutter moves in with a right hand, which Sandman blocks, and delivers one of his own! Sandman continues to fire off rights, then clotheslines Strutter to the mat! Sandman then picks up Strutter, and brings him to his corner, setting him up in a tree of woe, as all five members of the team tee off on him! COACH Get in there, ref, this is a mugging! Strutter's team jumps in to assist him, and a big brawl breaks loose! COLE And we've got a meelay here! Brock hammers on Reject, sending him rolling out to the floor, while the referee frantically tries to restrain everyone else. Eventually, everyone goes back to their corners, as Spencer tags in, and delivers a DDT! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Spencer then whips Strutter into a corner, and charges, but Strutter moves, and Spencer takes it shoulder-first! COLE And Denzel Spencer going shoulder-first into the ringpost! Strutter tags out to Charlie Moss, who bars Spencer's arm behind his back, and delivers an armbar slam! Moss then picks up Spencer, and sets him up for a powerbomb...but Spencer slugs away, and counters to a hurricanrana! Spencer then goes to the top, and catches Moss with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Spencer backs into the ropes, but catches a knee to the back from Benjamin! COLE And Quentin Benjamin with a cheap shot from the outside! Spencer staggers right into Moss, who delivers the STO BACKBREAKER~! He then lifts him onto his shoulders before tagging Benjamin, who is already making his way to the top, and they execute the SUPER ROCKER DROPPER~!!!!!11111 COACH That'll do it! Nighty-night, Denzel! 1... 2... 3...NO! Jumbo makes the save! COACH Come ON! COLE Jumbo in there to break up the count! This incites another brawl, as Strutter and Benjamin double-team Jumbo and knock him to the floor, while Alf and Sandman slug it out. Strutter and TK then brawl in a corner, while Team Heyross double-teams Brock Ausstin. Meanwhile, Spencer rolls to the outside...where he's met with a chair shot from Reject! COLE Oh, no! Reject sending that chair right into the SKULL of Denzel Spencer, and the referee didn't see it! Reject then rolls back inside the ring, as the brawl dies down once again. Jumbo meets him, and asks for a test of strength. COACH I wouldn't do this, Reject! Reject goes for it, then starts delivering kicks to the midsection when both hands are locked. He goes for an Irish whip, but Jumbo reverses, and catches Reject in a bearhug! Reject struggles for a bit, then delivers thumbs to the eyes, breaking the hold! Reject then measures Jumbo...and delivers the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE EULOGY for Jumbo! 1... 2... NO! Brock makes the save! COACH And how about that cheap shot, Cole? COLE He's got a five-count! Reject rolls Jumbo over to his side, where his team does a number on him! COACH And now, a little taste of their own medicine! Jumbo's team responds, as Brock, TK, and Sandman come over to even the odds! The brawl spills to the floor this time, and it's a big meelay! COLE And Denzel Spencer just now coming to out there after that vicious chairshot, just in time for this brawl! The brawl slowly dies down again, and it ends up with Quentin Benjamin and Brock Ausstin in the ring. Benjamin executes a back suplex, then heads to the top rope. However, Brock beats him, and crotches him on the top! Benjamin falls to the mat, as Brock tags in Jumbo. Brock and Jumbo whip Benjamin in, and drop him with a double elbow! COLE And some nice double team work between Brock and Jumbo! Jumbo then backs into the ropes, and goes for the XL SPLASH~!!!111...but Benjamin rolls out of the way, then tags in Moss! COACH Quentin dodged a bullet right there! Moss trades blows with Jumbo, losing handily, of course, and Jumbo tags Sandman. He slams Moss first, then Sandman comes in with a guillotine legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Sandman backs Moss into the ropes, where Alf makes a blind tag. COLE And a tag was made right there... Moss shoves Sandman off, and Alf steps in. Sandman hops over Moss...right into a AA SPINEBUSTER~! from Alf! COLE Alf with that spinebuster! Alf gets to his feet and poses, drawing a mixed reaction, mostly boos. Alf then goes to the top as Sandman gets to his feet, and flies off...but Sandman catches him with a fist to the gut, sending Alf for a flip over onto his back! COLE And Alf gets caught coming down off that top rope! Sandman walks up to Alf, and scrapes his boot right across the face! COACH OW! Sandman does it a second time, then tosses Alf to the outside. COLE Alf to the outside now... TK grabs Alf on the outside, and whips him into the guardrail! COACH Look at this, come on, ref! Benjamin knees TK in the back from behind, then Brock grabs Alf and tosses him back inside. Alf begs off, but Brock stomps away at him in the corner. COLE And look at this, Alf and Brock going at it here! Brock stomps a mudhole, then yells out to the crowd, which cheers in response. Brock then tries to pick up Alf...but Alf catches him with a LOW BLOW~! COLE And Alf with a low blow, now where's the disqualification? Alf goes to the top, but Brock is able to beat him, and crotches him once again! COLE Well, there's a little payback for Brock! Brock then follows Alf up, hooking him in a waistlock, and taking him off the top with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COACH Oh no! COLE BIG belly-to-belly superplex from Brock Ausstin! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Benjamin saves with a sliding dropkick! COACH And what a save by Quentin Benjamin! Brock and Alf both inch towards their corners, and Alf tags Reject, as Brock tags Sandman! COLE And we're back where we started, it's Sandman against Reject! The two slug it out, with Sandman getting the better of it, until Reject goes to the eyes. Reject backs Sandman into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject scoops Sandman up, and executes a fisherman's buster! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Sandman, and sets him up for the PITCH BLACK~!!!!!11111...but Sandman counters, setting up Reject for a slingshot! He sends Reject into the corner, then catches him coming back out with a foot to the gut, setting up the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111...but Reject spins out, and hits the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COACH OH YEAH~! This is it, Cole! Reject covers arrogantly... 1... 2... NO!!! Sandman gets a shoulder up! COACH Oh, fuck. COLE It's a two-count! Reject questions referee Earl Hebner, then shoves him...and Hebner shoves back, knocking Reject right down to the mat! COACH Now what is this? Earl Hebner getting physically involved? How dare he! Sandman rolls up Reject... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Alf tags in, and he and Reject double team Sandman. Spencer runs in to help, triggering another brawl. COLE Here we go again! Team Heyross double teams Sandman, while Reject and Brock spill to the outside. Strutter knocks Jumbo to the floor with a knee to the back, then brawls with Spencer as Alf and TK brawl to the outside. Strutter whips Spencer into a corner, and charges, but Spencer gets the feet up. Alf then hops on the apron, and drops Spencer throat-first across the top rope. Spencer staggers backwards, right into Strutter...who delivers the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COACH Way to go, Felix! COLE And look at Alf now! Alf has scaled the top, and delivers the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH YES~! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...the team of TEAM HEYROSS, REJECT, "AFTER HOURS" FELIX STRUTTER, and ALFDOGG!!!!! Sandman slides back into the ring with lighttubes, sending Alf and Strutter running for cover! COLE But it's not over yet! Alf's team heads for the aisle, as Sandman's team comes together, and Sandman raises his two lighttubes in the air. COLE Alf may have picked up the win here, but it's Sandman9000 and his team holding fort in the ring! Folks we will see you next week for more hard hitting action here on TSM with OAOAST HeldDOWN! Good night everybody! FADE OUT

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD As our theme song pumps its funked out stylings through television sets across the globe, the dazzling introductory video is displayed, now featuring the recently returned Sandman, and newly crowned US Champion Colombian Heat. The logo dissolves revealing for us the world famous OAOAST set that I will actually describe tonight! Protruding from above and behind the Angletron is a thin video screen that circles all the way back towards the backstage area, and is highlighted by a neon white and black film strip pattern border. It rests atop a black ceiling that dances soft blue, purple and white spotlights across a slick black entrance floor, which is actually made up of numerous video screens. Beneath the ceiling are two walls that house two sets of video screens, each mirroring what's seen on the Angletron and each shrouded by the glow from roving purple lights. The entrance door sits at the base of the Angletron, leading to short set of long illuminated black stairs. At each side of the entrance set, are a pair of spiraling staircases, decorated by the trademark purple and blue spotlights, and both leading to scaffolding. Our announce team stands in front of the ring, recipients of the only light in an otherwise dimly lit arena. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, OAOAST HeldDOWN is on the air, and myself and The Coach are ready to call all the action that has made the OAOAST the most watched sports entertainment program in the world! COACH Hold up right there, Mikey. The Coach, and the Coach alone has made this the most watched sports entertainment program in the world. Don't you forget that. COLE Too late. Regardless, tonight's show will be as excellent as always, we have ten man tag team action, as well as The Heavenly Rockers versus The All American Boys. All this of course leading to our huge Halloween Spectacular on October thirty first! Folks, we'll be back with the start of our OAOAST action in just a few seconds. COMMERCIAL BREAK The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick is staring at "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos, although there's a few cheers mixed in there. Both Popick and PRL are in their business attires, and both men look unhappy. Popick is sitting on a table, while PRL is sitting on the big leather sofa. He has his head down. Popick takes a deep breath. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Three years...three years. P.R., how long have we had this alliance? "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN ...Three...years. POPICK Right. Right. And, uh, how many OAOAST World Heavyweight Title Matches have you had during that time? PRL Uh...um...I don't know...five...six? POPICK SEVEN, P.R. SEVEN World Title Matches! And tell me, Puerto, how many World Titles have you won in that timeframe? PRL ...Um...Zero. POPICK THAT'S RIGHT ZERO! Since May 23, 2004, you have competed for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title on SEVEN SEPERATE OCCASIONS, and you've LOST EACH AND EVERY TIME! EACH AND EVERY TIME! EACH. AND. EVE-RY. TIME. PRL So? So, what's your point? POPICK What's my point? What's my point!? God, P.R., I'VE got a World Title reign in that timeframe! Drek Stone defended the belt less than 5 times, and yet he's the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion in OAOAST history! And despite facing Landon "La Cucarcaha" Maddix on two STRAIGHT pay-per-views, you STILL WEREN'T ABLE TO GET THE BELT OFF OF HIM! God, is it even worth it anymore!? Am I just wasting my time? Have I've just been wasting my time these past three years!? I mean, what's the point of even trying anymore!? You're just gonna choke the next time! PRL takes a deep breath. He is trying to calm himself down. PRL I've screwed up in the past. I admit it. It won't happen again. At November Reign, I WILL win the World Title! POPICK You damn well better! And you better thank your lucky stars that AngleSault gave you another Title shot, because since you used up your Golden Contract, and BLEW IT AGAIN MAY I REMIND YOU, I wouldn't be able to help you get another shot. AngleSault's back in this company, and he's not doing anyone any personal favours like some of the guys in the past. So, just be glad AngleSault still sees you as a World Title contender...because I'm starting to not think you are one. At this, PRL turns his head to Popick. THA PUERTO RICAN What did you say? POPICK I said, I'm starting to doubt you're as great as you *think* you are! I picked you as MY CORPORATE Champion because I saw something special in you, P! I saw the future of the OAOAST in your eyes! I saw a chance to leave a legacy, leave my mark in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! I thought you'd be Champion by October 2004. It is now October 2007, and what do we have to show for it? PRL A few different Title reigns. POPICK Yes, but none of them was the BIG ONE! Become X-Division Champion. Become a HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. Carry around the Title you brought into the OAOAST again! Have the longest 24/7 Title reign in OAOAST history! Do all of that! But none of that matters unless your name is on the nameplate of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! I want to see your name near mine on the belt plates one day. But is that day ever gonna come? Or are we gonna be spending the next three years chasing a dream that's just out of reach? PRL Stephen, I have failed you in the past. But I will not fail you no more. At November Reign, I WILL defeat Zack Malibu. I WILL defeat Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. I WILL defeat "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. And I WILL bring to you the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. I promise you this. I will not fail you EVER AGAIN. POPICK You better, P.R. You better. Because if you don't. If you fail again...if you CHOKE in your EIGHTH WORLD TITLE SHOT...then...then...then I guess my time trying to mold you into something special was all for naught. I guess it was all for nothing. And I don't want that. You doing bad makes ME look bad, and I DON'T WANT TO LOOK BAD! You win the World Title at November Reign...or consider our alliance...consider our partnership...consider our FRIENDSHIP OVER! Popick gets up, walks up to the door, opens the door and leaves, slamming the door shut. POPICK THINK ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID, PUERTO! Popick walks away. PRL hangs his head down in shame. He puts his hands over his face. He takes a deep breath and sighs. The crowd boos loudly. This is our last image before we fade to black. FADE OUT *COMMERCIALS*

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you By... The new four hundred page autobiography by Logan Mann. "An unabashed look at a friend to few, and an enemy to many" Maxim "The rawest rock n roll story ever put to paper" USA Today "A harrowing portrait of life lived without regard for death or consequences" New York Times "The story of a man who turned his anger into cash and fame, but could never turn his cash and fame into inner peace" -Entertainment Weekly Backstage we go where Anglesault is walking down the hallway, yammering away on his cellphone. ANGLESAULT Hey, listen, Detective Bosley, that's no problem none at all. You're absolutely right you deserve to be in the Run For The Gold match. Even though you're a Mets fan, I completely agree with you. You beat the Wrecking Crew, and if they're being deemed number one contenders, you certainly have a case that you should be getting a title bout before them. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, let's make this a threeway Run For The Gold, you, The Wrecking Crew, and Chicks Over Dicks. That sound good? Thought so. And, hey Detective, you can't get into the Haunted House without a costume, so make sure ya find something nice. Sault shuts his phone, but before he can retreat to his office he's interrupted by a young man. A handsome fellow, with a lean cut figure, he appears as though he could be a member of the OAOAST roster. KID Hey, uh, Mister Anglesault, sir! ANGLESAULT Yeah? KID Firstly, let me offer you my condolences on a heartbreaking Yankees' playoff loss. I..I..I was born in Seattle, and when you passed my Mariners in the wildcard race, I was thrilled, boss. Thrilled! Because I knew a uh, a superior baseball team from a superior city, with superior fans, deserved to go to the playoffs. Not us, not us, infidel mongrel Mariners fans. For you to lose to a cesspool town like Cleveland, a city without the rich history of excellence like New York, that just sucked. But, next year, after you've ditched Mussina and the tubby bastard Clemens, you're gonna crush the entire American league especially, especially, the Red Sux, I can feel it in my bones! ANGLESAULT (skeptically) What do you think about A-Rod? KID The sooner A-Fraud takes a hike the better! ANGLESAULT Good, good, now that you're on my good side tell me what you want from me, kid. KID My name is uh Camden Westcott sir, born in Seattle, raised in Maui, huge fan of yours, lifetime fan, even though I'm twenty and you've only been in wrestling for five years, it feels like a lifetime. A lifetime of awesomeness. Fantastic awesomeness, sir! ANGLESAULT And you want what from me? CAMDEN Well, a job if at all possible. ANGLESAULT What type of job are we getting at, little man? CAMDEN A OAOAST superstar, naturally. I've been on the OAOWV roster for about three years. And I'm not here to toot my horn, but those three years were the stuff legends are made out of. And I don't want to just limit myself to performing in front of small crowds in the state that OAOVW is located in, I want to share my athletic gifts with these great OAOAST fans. What do you say, sir? Camden Westcott, newest OAOAST Superstar. Maybe I can even get myself a cute little valet, plenty of Nerdly girls to go around, undoubtedly. ANGLESAULT Take it easy, cowboy. Actually I was just reading over your progress report that Tony Brannigan sent me. Camden's calm demeanor suddenly heads south. But he quickly composes himself to return his previous upbeat persona. CAMDEN Yeah, that Tony Brannigan, respects the business, and the business respects him back. I just hope when my career is over I can be remembered in the same light as he. ANGLESAULT Yes, right, let's see if you'll be so flattering after I tell you what he had to say about you. Off the top of my head, he said the title progress report is a misnomer, Westcott has regressed in every aspect of pro wrestling since he came here, his promos are for shit, his wrestling is sloppy and half assed, he can't even execute an Irish whip without tripping over shoelaces that he isn't even smart enough to learn how to tie. The only thing that has improved is his tan and his ability to kiss ass. Sound right to you? The color has all but left Camden's face, as he scrambles for an explanation. CAMDEN Tony and I, we uh..uh..have these little jokes. He calls me a crappy disgrace to the industry, says I need to retire and I'll never amount to anything in this business, and its all jokes. All jokes, sir. ANGLESAULT Right. Okay, kid, how about you head back to OAOVW, get your head in the game then come back. CAMDEN But, but, sir. Matches aren't won on scouting reports! They're won in the ring, with heart, grit, and raw determination. All things I'm chock full of, believe you me. Sir, please, please, give me a chance to prove myself in the ring. ANGLESAULT This is a roster overflowing with wrestlers! Everyday I'm hounded by journalist asking me why I don't do a brand extension, why I don't cut some of the guys I never use. I have former tag team champions who haven't been seen on television in nearly three months. Why should I do anything for a kid who apparently shows no desire to take the OAOAST seriously? There's a long silence as Camden struggles to come up with a reason to not be sent back to his low paying developmental gig. CAMDEN To grant a sixty five year old cancer patient his dying wish, to see his only son compete in a pro wrestling ring. Anglesault's tough stance against rookie seems to soften with that heartwrenching news, and we can almost see a tear well up in his eye. ANGLESAULT Oh, I'm sorry. I..I...didn't know. I'm sorry. Um, okay. You're right. You're absolutely right. I can make arrangements for you to have a match very soon. I'll get right on it My deepest sympathies go out to your father. Sault pats a softly crying Camden on the shoulder and walks off. As he disappears from view a smile slips onto Camden's face. COLE Well, another team has been added to Run For The Gold 3, Rescue 911! Their first title opportunity here in the OAOAST, they've come a long way in just a couple of weeks. And how about that Camden Westcott? How touching. How honest, and raw, and emotional that was. Wanting to wrestle just once for your dying father? Such a great, great young man. We need more talents like him. COACH Look, Cole, someone wrote gullible on the ceiling! COLE Where? I don't see anything? Huh? Where is it? COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT TEN TIMES THE ACTION. TEN TIMES THE BLOOD. Alfdogg, "After Hours" Felix Strutter, Reject & Team Heyross vs Sandman9000, Thunderkid, Brock Ausstin, Denzel Spencer & Jumbo NEXT

Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this! Super highways, coast to coast, easy to get anywhere On the transcontinental overload, just slide behind the wheel How does it feel The late James Brown's "Living in America" blares in the background as the ALL-AMERICAN BOYS march to the ring waving Old Glory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, one fall with 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave...FREEDOM and LIBERTY…the All-American Boys! “USA!” “USA!” “USA!” HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! BUFFER And their opponents, led down the aisle by HOLLY-WOOD…COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time, THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Well, fans, a week has past since Los Diablos de Fuego issued a challenge to the Heavenly Rockers. A challenge the Heavenly Rockers dismissed one week ago on the program, Coach. COACH The fact of the matter is, Los Diablos aren’t in their league, Cole. Not only are the Heavenly Rockers talented musicians, they’re also former tag team champions of the world. What can you say about Los Diablos other than their biggest claim to fame is being Mexican and gay? * DINGDINGDING * Synth and Liberty exit as the bell sounds, leaving Freedom and Logan as the legal men. Freedom extends his hand to Mann, who surprisingly accepts it…and then nails the promoter of freedom and liberty throughout the world with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COLE Logan Mann has no respect for anyone. How mighty this man of once great character has fallen in recent months. Logan quickly hooks the head and spikes Freedom into the canvas! COACH Percussion DDT! Enter Liberty to breakup the cover, but Synth gets to him first, using Logan as a springboard to level the masked patriot with a forearm smash. ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! The match is over but the carnage is not, as Colonel Abdullah instructs Synth and Logan to punish the All-American Boys some more. WAHAHAHAHA, WAH, WAH, WAH... “YEAH!” SYNTH/LOGAN COLE Hey! COACH It can’t be. The Heavenly Rockers prepare for unwelcome guests, but when no one arrives they go back to business, setting up the All-American Boys for another round of Percussion…that is until LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO burst onto the scene. The crowd erupts as the flaming luchadors take it to Synth and Logan, knocking them outside with stereo dropkicks. Ready to go for a second round, Abdullah and Holly are forced to restrain the Heavenly Rockers as OAOAST officials get in between the warring factions. COLE Oh, I think Los Diablos have the Heavenly Rockers attention now. At this time, let’s go to Tony Schiavone in the OAOAST newsroom. Viewers are mesmerized by the flashy cutting edge graphics that open the segment. How you feeling? (Hot hot hot) How you feeling? (Hot hot hot) (Hot hot hot)(Hot hot hot) (Hot hot hot)(Hot hot hot)... HOT NEWZ~! SCHIAVONE Columbus, Georgia, brace yourself. HeldDOWN~! comes to you LIVE next week. The event is sold out, but you can still catch all the action from the comfort of your home right here on TSM. One of the exciting bouts already signed will feature one half of The Love Doctors, Steven Pigley, and Los Diablos de Fuego, Moracca, teaming up against Logan Mann of the Heavenly Rockers and the Beverly Hills Blonds’ Simon Singleton. How those former rivals will fare as a team is anyone’s guess. But this past weekend on OAOAST Pro Wrestling my broadcast colleague Jesse “The Body” Ventura caught up with Ned Blanchard and a new and improved Simon Singleton. Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated SCHIAVONE Thank you very much, Jesse. With this piece of Hot Newz, I’m Tony Schiavone. The hard hitting wrestling of the OAOAST returns after this time out. COMMERCIAL

After we return from break, our image is that of the backstage interview lounge, outfitted with a variety of games such as pool and air hockey, and who's walls are lined with videoscreens that show various sporting events from around the country. In the middle of this area are 4 time OAOAST tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks. Alix wears a pair of maroon Abercrombie fleece pants with a white screen print logo running down the side, and of course the matching maroon fleece. GOTTA COORDINATE! Krista sports a tight tank top that reads WAGE LOVE SPREAD PEACE, and a pair of vintage wash jeans. As there isn't an interviewer around, the champs are left to talk amongst themselves. KRISTA Honey, how come we only go to gay bars? ALIX Uh, I dunno, could it be because we're both...uh...like crazy fluent in dyke? KRISTA Why are we only going to gay male bars? They hate women, and we hate men. What's the point of us even trying to get along?! Its like dental dams, a good idea, but nobody does it. Why can't we ever go out somewhere fun, and calm, where no one in their right mind would ever be caught dead at? Like a hockey game. ALIX Uh-uh, no way, translate espanol, no way jose! Last time I went to see the Kings play, I lost my arm in a road house rumble to Luc Robatille! KRISTA What? You have both your arms! ALIX Oh, really, Lilly, Then how come I just got a disability check in the mail? KRISTA That was an issue of Rolling Stone! ALIX I think I would know if I lost my leg. KRISTA You just said it was your arm! Have you been eating peyote again? ALIX Shut your mouth, flying dragon. And quit breathing fire at me! Before Krista can char Alix to a crisp, the absentee interviewer, Terry Taylor, makes his way onto the scene. TAYLOR Girls, girls! Mind if I get a word with you? KRISTA Ugh, Terry Taylor. ALIX I knew I smelled urine from somewhere! TAYLOR I took a shower Girls, two weeks ago at Zero Hour you made another successful title defense of your tag team gold, this time upending the last ever HI-YAH tag team champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. But, the victory didn't come without controversy, as Krista was able to win the match by snipping at Lucius Soul's fro forcing him into submission. Krista, that fro is Soul's source of strength and his greatest pride, don't you feel a little bad for what you've done? KRISTA Terry Taylor despite being the most perfect angel to ever descend from the heavens, even I, Krista Isadora Duncan, have my moments of sadness. For instance I feel bad that I flew Ned to Washington DC during that whole sniper scare and made him stand outside gas stations wearing a bullseye on his chest. I feel bad that I watched Are You Smarter Then a Fifth Grader for more then six minutes, I have two masters degrees from Standford damn right I'm smarter then the misogynisitc homophobes of tomorrow, and the unmitigated assholes who put them on television. I also have the deepest regrets that I actually paid eight dollars and fifty cents to see any Michael Douglas movie not named Traffic. ALIX And she feels hella bad that she stole King Neptune's crown right off the top of his head, framed Mister Krabs for the crime, nearly got the king to go Mortal Kombat Sub Zero style on him, stole the Krabby Patty secret forumla, brainwashed the entire town of Bikini Bottom with mind controlling bucket helmets to eat at the Chum Bucket, and build supersize monuments to her! KRI Sweetie, how many times must I tell you that was Plankton! ALIX Nice try, Plankton! But you can't fool me! For Mister Krabs! Alix begins clawing at Plankton's(?!) head in an effort to rip his Krista costume off. Unfortunately Plankton is a cartoon character, and three inches tall. Krista is real, and five feet and ten inches, making the costume somewhat improbable. That doesn't stop Alix, though! What does stop her is Krista shoving her away. KRISTA If this is some kind of new aggressive foreplay you've come up with, you and the Nicole Kidman issue of Vanity Fair will be getting very friendly with one another the next couple of days. And Terry, finally I'm very sorry I entered your mother into the Westerminster Dog Show. But if weren't for that damn piano playing basset hound we would've taken the whole thing! But I'll tell you this, that rendition of No More Drama brought me to tears, Terry! Tears! ALIX And the doctor said another botox injection would dry her tear ducts out. Psh! KRISTA But if you're asking me if I feel bad for butchering a haircut that needs to join British Bulldog, Curt Hennig, Eddie Guerroro, and Christian Wright, in the pro-wres detox clinic in the sky.... TAYLOR Christian Wright isn't dead! KRISTA Yet. The hitman I hired wanted to stop at Popeyes for a bucket of chicken. Love that chicken from Popeyes! Anyway, my answer to your question begins with an N and ends with a O. ALIX Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me, 'cause I totally got this one. Starts with N and ends with an O. Oh, Krista you sly minx, you. What a brain teaser you've come up with, but there's no fooling me, after all I do own two associate degrees from DeShaniqua's school of Cosmetology and Taxidermy. I believe the word you're looking for is irregardless. KRISTA That's not even a word, dummy! ALIX Woah ho-ho! Why so snarky sparky? No need get all chalant on me. KRISTA That's not a word either, you idiot! ALIX Look, it's your Batmitzvah, sweetiecakes, I'm just lighting the Torah. We can stand around and make up words like chalant, and irregardless, and..uh....speckensubbenossenfrafboppenjobbinmoof all day long, or we can sneak into the janitor's closet and I will go down on you harder and faster then a dairy cattle at feeding time. And before you say that's not appealing, know that the dairy cattle consumes more food then any other farm animal! KRISTA Well, this is one cow girl who's going to have trouble keeping her calves together! TAYLOR Wait, girls, before you go to uh....consummate your love that dare not speak its name, let's keep talking about The Wrecking Crew for a little bit. Now, many OAOAST observers, myself included, were completely delighted with the way in which you beat The Wrecking Crew at Zero Hour. But from an objective competition standpoint, wrestling websites around the globe were buzzing over whether it was a fair victory or not. Will you give The Wrecking Crew the rematch they've petitioned for? ALIX Terry you're such a cockblock. Or in our case a tongue block! Dude, just 'cause we once dumped a couple thousand pounds of manueur into Simon Singleton's convertible at three AM in the morning, and just because we told airport security Synth Esizer was carrying ten thousands dollars worth of Colombian pure bewteen his buttcheeks doesn't mean we're bad to the bone! TAYLOR It just means you find non-consent M2M assplay to be pretty gosh darn hot! Well, that makes three of us! KRISTA & ALIX TMI, TERRY! KRISTA Really, it doesn't mean we're mean people. We're fair girls, we're the giving type. And we realize that without a tag title shot, without a feud with the most popular team in OAOAST history, although that's not saying much considering past champions have been a man who talks to a fish and Prince Albert, a guy named after a piercing of the urethra. Anyway, without us The Wrecking Crew have about as much a chance as staying relevant as Garry Glitter has of ever being allowed to chill with the cast of High School Musical. So, we're gonna offer the Crew another heat killing burial rematch, at Halloween Spectacular in Dayton Florida! TAYLOR ZOMG! ALIX I know, right! Like, we wanted to do something really spectacular for the match, but the Florida state athletic commission kinda frowns upon dismemberment, chainsaws, human sacrifice and it turns out Keith Moon of The Who has been dead for thirty years. But go figure they do approve of zombies, mummies, witches, vampires, warlocks and Kirstin Dunst, so we're gonna get down at the third ever Run For The Gold 3: Haunted House edition! TAYLOR Double ZOMG! The first two Run For The Golds were legendary, star making events! KRISTA Such a star making bout that only three people from the first two matches are still in the OAOAST! And thanks to Zack Malibu, as of last week, one of them will be sitting down to pee for the rest of his adult life. And Alix if you say that's Leon Rodez, I'll forever question what exactly the “suspect” in Usual Suspects truly means. TAYLOR Anymore words for Rico and Soul before we head to break? KRISTA Like Deanna Troi from Star Trek, with blond hair and an even tighter outfit, if you can imagine that, I can read your mind, Crew, and what a story your thoughts can tell. You can think you can easily waltz right in and out of a little rinky dink cheesy Haunted House and get your gold. As Hall and Oates would sing, I can't go for that. Because to get out the house, you have to go through me. And when you come near me I get like daylight savings time, I spring forward, you fall backwards. You see this ten thousand dollar diamond ring? Do you know what it means? ALIX That you cover up fatal personality flaws with overpriced clothing and accessories in order to mask the insecure and frightened woman you really are? KRISTA I really really hope you like that Nicole Kidman issue of Vanity Fair. What it means is that when I knock the Wrecking Crew six ways from Sunday, I will leave its imprint on their forehead for the rest of their hopefully very short life. Every time you get the misfortune of looking in the mirror you'll be reminded of Krista Isadora Duncan and her ten thousand dollar punch. Not a pleasant thought. When your on your way to the street corner to see how much Moneymaker's sister's is whoring herself for tonight, someone'll look at your head, and say “How'd you get that?” “Ya know Krista Isadora Duncan?” “Is she the one who's fitness videos allegedly contain subliminal messages that tell you to send letter bombs to the white house?” “Yes! “What about her? “Oh she just clocked me face and reduced me to the bawling mess of bitchmade suckiness I truly am.” You're entire lives will be lived in shame. A pair of physical kings like you, beat by a high heel, short skirt wearing girl. People will get all hushed tones on you when you walk by "Hey, that's the dude that got beat up by Denise Austin." "No, man, I think it was Jane Fonda" "What a pussy, let's go pour motor oil down his pants." Forget a three month tag title reign, all you're coming to get is one punch to the face, and lifetime of humiliation. TAYLOR Girls, thank you as always. It's been a pleasure! For the OAOAST, I am Terry Taylor, reminding you to tune into Halloween Spectacular for the third ever Run For The Gold. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS IN ACTION NEXT

quik someone say something witty about KC

BOOOO*2 all i have to offer now is one of Rescue 911.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do you care if its heel or face? Because I volunteer Christopher Patrick Allen, if tony or kc raise no objections.

quickest posting ever!

i shalt better this thread and the oaoast as whole w/pictures of hockey players from the 90's. guy hebert kevin hatcher Valeri Kamensky Ron Tugnutt

HeldDOWN~! The Match Continues… We return to the sight of Ned Blanchard stomping a mud hole in Max Anderson. He brings the doctor out of the corner and plants him in the center of the ring with a vertical suplex. The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. Blanchard smashes Anderson face-first into Simon’s boots. Singleton accepts the tag and the Blonds deliver a double back elbow to the heart of Dr. Max. Leaping knee drop finds its mark and Simon covers. ONE… TWO… Save by Dr. Steven! The Blonds put the boots to Anderson while referee Nick Patrick deals with Steven. Not to mention the illegal switch that occurs as well. As the announcers bicker over whether a second referee is needed for tag bouts, apparently the new talking point for all Australian rule matches, the Handsome Hustler executes a flawless snap mare and spikes the point of the elbow into Anderson’s sternum! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT with semi-authority, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the Blonds. Sensing Anderson may have developed a second wind, the Blonds look to score with a high-impact maneuver. Ned lifts Max for a suplex as Simon climbs to the top, but Max floats over and pushes the Handsome Hustler into Simon, causing the strawberry blond to CROTCH HIMSELF ON THE BUCKLE! SIMON Ned shoots back at Max and into a SLEEPER HOLD! COLE How about that? It was a sleeper that beat The Love Doctors at Zero Hour and it very well could be a sleeper that picks up the win for them tonight. COACH The only difference is Ned won’t quit. Jawbreaker frees Ned from Max’s clutches, but takes a lot out of both men. When it appears The Love Doctors are close to making the tag Simon enters the ring, which immediately grabs the eye of Nick Patrick. “YEAH!” A cheer goes up as the tag is made, but it’s disallowed because the referee didn’t see it. “BOO!” COLE Oh, come on! COACH (laughs) Simon Singleton, smarter than your average blond. While Steven receives an explanation from the referee, the Blonds perform their patent DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! Another illegal switch is made and so is the cover. ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! The pin is broken up by Steven Pigley, still steaming over the blown call moments ago. Scoop slam on its way, but Max slips out over the top and nails Simon with a FLATLINER! COLE This may be the break Max needs to make the tag. He desperately needs to tag in the fresh man. Figuring it worked so well the first time, Ned distracts the ref while the Docs tag, causing Dr. Steven and fans alike to fume with rage when the exchange is overruled. Meanwhile, the Blonds try to capitalize with a double suplex, but having had enough Steven attacks them from behind. COACH This guy has no regard for the rules, Cole. That’s a flagrant violation right there. All 4 men brawl inside while the referee desperately attempts to restore order. The Blonds quell the uprising with a pair of thumb to the eyes, then look to whip Max and Steven into each other, but the Docs reverse and the Blonds collide! COACH Who are the legal men? COLE Simon and Max I think. The Love Doctors knock Ned out to the floor with a double dropkick and drop a MORPHINE BOMB on Simon! Dr. Steven covers! COACH He‘s not the legal man, Cole! And Molly knows that as well, as she hops on the apron to protest, while continuing to film of course. COLE Not this crap again! We saw Mackenzie DeCenzo pull that stunt at Zero Hour. COACH Yeah, and it worked. Just like it’s going to work now. Besides, she’s arguing a valid point. How in the hell could the referee not know who the legal man is? COLE You didn’t know. COACH Because I’m too busy carrying your ass to a hearable broadcast. Molly soon finds herself up close and personal with Dr. Steven Pigley. Nick Patrick does his part to keep the peace, but Ned Blanchard escalates the violence, tossing Steven outside. But he, too, goes tumbling over the top courtesy of a clothesline from Dr. Max, who is immediately rolled up by Simon! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Steven reverses! ONE… TWO… Simon kicks Dr. Anderson forward into the direction of Molly, who shoots from her POV as she CLOCKS MAX WITH THE SICLOPSE CAMERA! COACH That shot alone just won her a cinematography award at next year’s Oscars. School boy! ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * By the time Steven breaks up the count it’s too late, as Simon rolls off and celebrates with Ned and Molly outside. BUFFER Here are your winners… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDESSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE I can’t believe it. The Love Doctors got jobbed. COACH Maybe they’ll finally get the hint and keep asking for matches against The Enterprise. COLE I highly doubt that. The Love Doctors want to face the best competition in the world and everybody knows that’s in the OAOAST. Right now they’re earning their Ph.D. in the school of hard knocks. Folks, we'll see you next week!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Party Like a Rockstar parties like a rockstar on television sets worldwide as the opening video hits, displaying the two hour (yeah right!) thrill ride that has made the OAOAST the premier stop for SportsEntertainment. Once it finishes we go to the logo.... We're taken into the arena, where Cole and Coach occupy space in front of the ring, straining to make their voices heard of the roar of the enthused audience behind them. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tupelo, Mississippi for another edition of TSM's longest running sports and entertainment show, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Michael Cole, sitting at ringside for The Coach, and we still can't get over what we saw at Zero Hour. COACH Dang right, duke. Titles was unified, they were defended, and an OAOAST legend return to action, in what could be the pay per view of the year! COLE And if you missed it, then shame on you! But you can always order the encore at OAOAST.com all this week and next. Trust me, you won't want to miss the biggest event of the fall season. But for now let's start of HeldDOWN as we steamroll towards the Halloween Spectacular! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The natives of Tupelo give absolutely no respect to the World Champion as the entrance doors part, Megan Skye making her way out first and parading out her man Landon Maddix, limping ever so slightly but grinning from ear to ear nonetheless as he shows off his gleaming championship belt. Landon and Megan stroll to the ring, Landon picking out one sign in the crowd reading "LANDON FOR (SWF) PREZ!" To be fair, it's about the only pro-Landon placard in the bunch though, in amongst the clever likes of "MADDIX LOVES MAD DICKS!" All the signs in the world couldn't bother Landon though, walking on air to the ring. COLE What a night it was this past Sunday at Zero Hour. An incredible night of action, topped off with the Three Way Ladder Match over the World Heavyweight Championship. And it was this man, Landon Maddix, who survived it all. COACH He survived with his title, after being written off by so many. COLE Including a certain PRL fan I seem to remember. COACH I had divided loyalties. That's a little different. Half my loyalties were with this man, I knew he'd win, I just didn't want to say so to jeopardise my other 50% stock. COLE How noble of you. Maddix enters the ring and takes great glee in rubbing the fans' faces in the fact he's still the World Champion, parading around with his title. The "LAN - DON SUCKS" chants hit him early. But he can't hear them over the sound of his own self satisfaction. COLE Well, Landon clearly feeling pleased with himself tonight. Let's see what he's got to say for himself. MADDIX Okay, hands up who's tired of being wrong? Landon scans the thousands in the arena, looking for any outstretched hands. He counts three, maybe four, amongst a sea of downturned thumbs and upturned middle fingers. MADDIX Come on, be honest. Who's tired of being wrong? Who's tired of predicting the demise of La Cucaracha, buying a ticket to see me lose, switching on your TVs in the hope that this show'll kick off with one of your precious OAOAST heroes as the new World Heavyweight Champion... and seeing me, STILL your World Heavyweight Champion! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX That's what I thought. Now, come on, tell me. What more do I have to do? What more do I have to prove this year? How many more victories do I have to tot up before you people finally stop seeing me as some stop-gap Champion? See, I don't really want your approval. Or your applause. Honestly, I don't really need your respect either. But I damn sure deserve it. Put in front of me this Sunday was the biggest challenge a World Champion has had to face in recent memory. Two opponents, my belt hung 15 feet above the ring, steel ladders everywhere. And I came out of Zero Hour with my title all the same. You people can all say that I was 'lucky' or that I was seconds away from losing this belt. But the facts remain the same. I'm STILL the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Now, I've heard that that a certain 'superstar' is here tonight, Zack Malibu... The crowd pop for that, which causes Landon to roll his eyes. MADDIX ...no doubt in a vain attempt to show he's still worthy of being in contention for my title. Well, Zack, before you even bother interrupting me, as usual, let me say one thing. You've had your sho... .:CUE: "Medal":. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Interrupted as usual, Landon looks to the skies in frustration. And as he exchanges a few choice words with the big man upstairs, Landon is joined by the boss, AngleSault, who walks out onto HIS stage with a microphone already in hand. MADDIX I don't know who keeps doing this to me, but... ANGLESAULT Landon, Landon. Please. Don't get to ahead of yourself until you're heard what I have to say. See, I was hoping you'd come out here tonight. Because it just so happens, I've got a big announcement that you will be most interested in, seeing as you are 'still OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion', right? See, it involves that World Heavyweight Championship. It involves your role in November Reign. And it involves the main event, November 25th in Las Vegas, Nevada! Landon, from where I'm sitting, you've been riding your luck somewhat these past few months as World Champion. Well, what better place than Las Vegas to test that lucky streak of yours? MADDIX Lucky streak? I dispute that for a start. ANGLESAULT Well, fine. You'll have your chance to prove yourself when the chips are on the table in Las Vegas. Because, at November Reign, you will be defending that OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against... THA PUERTO RICAN... As the crowd give a mixed reaction, Landon holds his hands to his throat and makes a 'choking' motion in a not so subtle jab at PRL. ANGLESAULT ...and ZACK MALIBU... "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Oh, for crying out loud! How many more times!? I've beaten them once, I've beaten them twi... ANGLESAULT Landon, I know you hate being interrupted. But, I wasn't done. See, it will be Landon Maddix versus Tha Puerto Rican versus Zack Malibu... versus "THE URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Finally speechless, Landon looks over his shoulder to Megan, who's also open-mouthed and wide-eyed in shock. "Medal" hits again and AngleSault walks off, leaving the stunned World Champion to try and take in that announcement. COLE Wow! What a main-event, November Reign! Viva Las Vegas! Viva AngleSault! COACH Viva nothing, that's bull! Bull I tell ya! COLE What an announcement and while we all take that in, we're going to take a break. Up next... how about this, Zack Malibu, in action! Don't you go anywhere! COMMERCIAL BREAK! HeldDOWN~! Promo JOSH MATTHEWS Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and right now, it's my pleasure to welcome my guest at this time, THE FRANCHISE, Zack Malibu! The distant sound of fans screaming in the arena can be heard as Zack walks onto the interview stage, patting Josh on the back. MATTHEWS And Zack, how about that big news we just heard? November Reign, you've got one more shot at Landon Maddix and the World Title! MALIBU Well, what can I say? I thought Zero Hour would be my night but it just wasn't to be. AngleSault said it right, Maddix is on a lucky streak. After being *this close* so many times this year, I'm only more determined to take that title at November Reign. To be honest, I knew this was coming before tonight and I've been pla... "Now why does THAT not surprise me!?" Stomping onto the set, fuming with ANGER~, Landon Maddix locks eyes with Malibu causing Josh to sink into himself a little, microphone shaking between the two rivals. MADDIX What a surprise, The Golden Boy already knew he had another shot at the World Title? You know what Zack, you make me sick. You rely on your precious friendship with AngleSault to get what you want. What other explanation is there for you getting another shot, considering I've beat you every time we've met? MALIBU Actually Landon, me and AngleSault aren't 'friends'. We've got a past and a lot of mutual respect. But I've NEVER had to rely on hand-outs and favours. The fact is, you've never BEAT me. As memory serves, I beat you back at The Great Angle Bash. And if you consider the crap you pulled to take that World Title from around my waist with your Money In The Bank contract 'beating me' then you're clutching at straws. As far as the past couple of months go, you've been lucky. MADDIX Lucky, huh? MALIBU Yeah, lucky. And you sure as hell haven't beaten me. Sure, you walked out the winner both times but you never beat me. At AngleSlam, I had YOU beat and you won on a fluke. I knocked you out. Had you fallen anywhere other than on top of PRL, I'd be the World Champion right now. And this Sunday... hey, credit where it's due, you came out the winner again. I'm man enough to admit that. But you winning at Zero Hour, it wasn't because you pinned my shoulders to the mat or made me submit. It's because you climbed a ladder. Face it Landon, you've never actually BEAT me. Question is, can you? Landon doesn't answer, just glaring at Zack. MALIBU Tell you what, sit yourself down and find a monitor. I've got a match tonight and I'll be more than happy to show you the level I'm at. You might want to see just how you measure up. With a faint smile, Zack walks off leaving Landon still glaring. Once The Franchise is out of sight, the World Champion then resumes his hissy fit, marching off in the other direction with Megan struggling to keep up with him. MATTHEWS Uh... back to Sofa Central!

This Past Sunday ZERO HOUR Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment We cut to Michael Cole at Sofa Central, joined via satellite by the Heavenly Rockers inside their Sin City recording studio. COLE Thanks for staying with us, ladies and gentlemen. You’ve seen the footage, now let’s hear from the perpetrators in Sunday night’s heinous assault, as the Heavenly Rockers, Colonel Abdullah Nerdly and yes, Holly-Wood have been kind enough to appear on the program, although I can‘t say I‘m too thrilled to about it. LOGAN ABDULLAH Is that how you welcome guests, by insulting them? How can the country built on freedom of speech and expression claim such a thing when it slams those with differing viewpoints? COLE What occurred Sunday night was no freedom of expression, sir. It was borderline criminal assault! ABULLAH LOGAN Calm down, Colonel. Let me handle this. Michael Cole, instead of editorializing you ought to be on your hands and knees thanking us for granting this world exclusive. The Today show, Oprah, Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters all flooded our HQ looking to land the hottest interview in town. Everybody wants to hear from the Heavenly Rockers. They want to know how Holly could turn her back like that on Melody, the broad who looks up to my wife the same way millions of young girls do her. It’s no secret the most honest people on earth are rock stars and our friends in the adult entertainment industry. Well today’s your lucky day, because it just so happens we‘re not only rock stars... COACH Oh, my God! You and Holly have a sex tape?! LOGAN And not just with each other either. COACH HOLLY LOGAN As I was saying, the Heavenly Rockers aren’t only rock stars; they’re the greatest rock ’n’ wrestling band of all-time! SYNTH LOGAN So without further ado, back by popular demand, the original trio of bad boys and nasty girl together again. The Angel of Death who’ll tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the brutally honest truth…my wife Holly-Wood! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lolly share a sloppy wet kiss, to the delight of Synth. HOLLY The bitch is back and raising more hell than ever! Rather than ask why, which is so cliché, people should be saying about time. It’s about time Melody realized her role in wrestling, and that’s she has none. Melody, here’s a free piece of advice, hon: grow up! Seriously, is it really that big of a shock I decided to spike Melody on her head? Anybody who’s spent 5 minutes with her knows she’ll drive you insane with her geeky behavior. I don’t care about the newest cheats you learned watching that awful G4 channel. I don’t want to camp out in front of a GameStop to buy a game featuring a phony solider at 12 midnight. The one thing that kept me sane was the surprise we had in store for her at Zero Hour. COLE So it was a set-up? HOLLY Duh, stupid! From the beginning. Once we got rid of the Lone Star Gunslingers I knew I could wrap Melody around my little finger. A simple request and she’d be jumping through flaming hoops for me. Worked like a charm. Putting to use my previous skills as a publicist, I leaked word of a pending divorce from Logan and everybody bought it. Melody even tried to hook me up with one of her brothers. Of course I sent word to Logan and now the Sk8ter Boiz are on the disable list along with the Gunslingers. LOGAN COLE This was pre-mediated! LOGAN And just like Phil Spector, we got away with it! COLE Before we let you go, what about Los Diablos de Fuego? SYNTH What about them homies? COLE Do you accept their challenge or not? LOGAN You mean that wasn’t some fan boy posting BS online? Los Diablos really want a shot at us? ABDULLAH Please, the Heavenly Rockers have their sights on bigger and better things, namely the One & Only World tag team championship. However, if Los Diablos wish to engage in athletic competition, perhaps my dearest sister Melody can lend them her copy of the latest OAOAST video game because that’s the closest they’ll come. Praise Abdullah and the Heavenly Rockers! *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you The satellite feed ends as The Love Doctors head to the squared circle. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Windy City, at a total combine weight of 436 pounds, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY…THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Anderson and Pigley send the ladies into a frenzy by removing their lab coats. One overzealous female admirer jumps the railing and pals around with Doctors of Love until she’s pounced on by security and inexplicably the Kansas City Chiefs mascot. COLE The Heavenly Rockers might have taken Los Diablos de Fuego’s challenge lightheartedly, but I assure you Moracca and Mariachi are dead serious about it. Anyway, Coach, our next match has The Love Doctors facing the Beverly Hills Blonds. COACH Yeah, it seems as though the Docs are having a hard time getting over their loss to Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright at Zero Hour and asked for a rematch, which sources inside the OAOAST say Teddy and CW were up for but they had prior engagements to attend. COLE That’s their story and they’re sticking to it, right? COACH Like they’d lie. Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime The red carpet is rolled out and the Blonds mockingly wave to the crowd, pretending the boos are really cheers. Of course this is all filmed by Molly Nerdly. BUFFER And their opponents, now arriving on the red carpet with MOLLY NERDLY, represent the Enterprise...from Beverly Hills 90210, total combine weight 460 pounds… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDESSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH On behalf of everyone in the OAOAST, congratulations to Molly for pulling a George Jefferson by moving on up the totem poll. I understand she’s now the first assistant director for all Beverly Hills Blonds projects. COLE I wonder who she had to sleep with for that promotion. COACH * DINGDINGDING * Dr. Steven Pigley shows a ton of fire, going right after Simon Singleton at the sound of the bell, but Simon takes a rain check and bails to the floor where Molly documents the conversation between him and Ned. Whatever the Handsome Hustler said has Simon ready to go, as he grabs a side headlock out of a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Pigley shoves him off to the ropes and a CRISS-CROSS ensues. Singleton is the first to blink, dropping down before going up for a leapfrog…but Dr. Steven puts on the brakes and The Love Doctors nail Simon with THE LOVEMATIC GRAMPA! ONE… KICKOUT! Singleton staggers to his feet and is placed in a side headlock. The hold is reapplied following a tag, but Simon sends Dr. Max in for the ride…only to be brought down in a SUNSET FLIP! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Simon rakes the eyes and whips Anderson hard to the buckle, but the Doctor of Love leaps onto the middle rope and back at him with a reverse cross body! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! The Blonds tag and Ned comes in swinging, his brawling ability too much for the technically gifted high flying MD to combat. Irish whip, but Max ducks a back elbow and counters Blanchard’s Thesz Press with the famed ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER!! COLE Everybody in the company has one, but I don’t think anyone has it perfected quite like Max Anderson, MD. ONE… TWO… THREE-- NO!! Simon breaks up the pin and taunts the crowd, pointing to his head while Molly captures the moment on video. “BOO!” Until Simon is spun around and floored! “YEAH!” COLE There’s a scene you won’t see in the Beverly Hills Blonds cut of the match. COACH Because the scene’s irrelevant to the story. Blanchard is whipped in and over with a double backdrop, then rammed into Dr. Steven‘s boot. The tag is made and Pigley connects on a big time LARIAT! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Placed in a headlock Ned is rapidly punched in the face. He fires Steven into the corner but the doctor bounces out and barrels through him with a shoulder tackle! Fortunately for the Blonds, Ned lands near their corner and is able to tag out. The Love Doctors decide to do the same and the new legal men, Simon Singleton and Max Anderson, lockup. Simon drives the knee into the gut and clubs Max across the neck. The sound of fleshing meeting flesh echoes throughout the arena as Simon chops Max against the ropes. With a handful of hair in his possession, Simon attempts a hip toss, but Max counters with a monkey flip and dropkick! Singleton reverses the ensuing Irish whip and snaps Anderson over with a swinging neck breaker after a knee to the back courtesy of Ned Blanchard. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. COLE Fans, we have to take a commercial break. But the tape machines are rolling. Should the match end while we’re away we’ll replay the conclusion after this time out.

Returning from break, Michael Jackson's "Earth Song" is already in mid-stream, as Biff Atlas hit the ring during the commercial break, and has hijacked the microphone from Michael Buffer! BIFF OAOAST fans, it is I, your friend Biff Atlas, here with a public service announcement. People, look down at your feet. Those peanut shells might have come from this Earth, but do they belong on the floor? How about those 64 ounce Big Chugs sitting at your feet, or your plastic nacho containers? Now I can understand you not wanting to miss a moment of the action tonight, but people...there are trash receptacles all over this building! Please please PLEASE pick up after yourselves, because if we keep treating Mother Earth this way, who's going to pick up after us? There will be no one left people, and it will be the fault of all of you lazy n'er-do-wells, taking our precious planet for granted! COLE Of all things for a tree-hugger to do, he decides to get into wrestling? COACH Hey, you bite your tongue, Mikey Cole! If Biff Atlas can't get us to do our part to save the world, there'll be no world in which we can have wrestling, and then you'd be out of a job! COLE Coach, if there was no world, we wouldn't need jobs, because we'd be DEAD. COACH See! You're gonna kill me if you don't listen to him! COLE I'd like to do that anyways. COACH Say again? COLE Nothing. BIFF Now, I'd like to address the climate, but not the climate of this great planet, but that of the OAOAST. As the sun rises, so does a new day, and that will be the day of... CUE: "Getting Away With Murder". "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" COLE Biff Atlas has talked the talk...too much so, actually. Now let's see how he feels about the climate, because things are about to heat up quick! As the hit single by Papa Roach plays on, the former World Champion enters the arena to a tremendous ovation! Fresh off another disappointment with Landon Maddix eeking out a victory in the Triple Ladder Match just a few days ago, Zack Malibu heads to the ring looking to release some frustration on the former NRG member. COLE Look at Zack, Coach. Look at the eyes, how focused he is. That is a man who is not happy about Landon Maddix still being World Champion! COACH I thought it was because he didn't get a ring introduction because Biff has the mic! A mic which he uses to try and knock Malibu upside the head with as he enters the ring! Malibu is able to duck the shot and shoots for the legs, taking Biff to the canvas! Zack mounts the shoulders and starts wailing away with punches, as Biff does his best to shield his face from the blows! Malibu rolls off him but grabs him by the head, and as soon as he leads Biff up to his feet he hurls him through the ropes and out to the floor! COLE That's one way to get this match started! Zack goes after Biff, but Charles Robinson orders Zack to stay back, then calls for the bell. Flustered, Biff enters the ring, and charges at Malibu just as Zack does the same, and the two tie up! Using his power advantage, Biff forces Zack back to the corner, and Robinson calls for the break, which comes without incident. Biff motions for Zack to try again, and Malibu comes and ties up a second time, only to be shoved away! Biff reverts back to his NRG persona for a moment, stopping to flex and show off...and gets blasted with a hard slap! Biff reels from it, but as he turns his attention back to Zack, he's blasted with another, and then a hard chop that staggers him! Zack backs him to the ropes, but the Irish whip attempt is thwarted when Biff counters, sending Zack across the ring! Malibu rebounds, and Biff catches him with a military press, holding him high up over his head...until Zack slips out of his grasp! Zack grabs a rear waistlock and tries for a German suplex, but Biff breaks the hold and takes Zack over with a fireman's carry! Zack gets up quickly, but catches a boot to the stomach from Atlas, and then gets dropped to the mat again, this time thanks to a suplex from the Enviromental Assassin! COLE Atlas is showing what he can do with the size and power advantage, as he's been able to counteract a lot of Malibu's offense and toss him around a bit in the early going! Biff retrieves Malibu from the canvas, but his brash attitude leaves him prone to mistakes, and that's why he's caught with a jawbreaker from the Modern Day Warrior! Atlas stumbles back, while Malibu races to the ropes, and comes off with a diving clothesline that takes Mother Nature's Favorite Son off his feet! Malibu brings Biff up, and again unloads with the hard slaps, snapping Biff's head from one side to the other with every blow...but the coup de grace discus clothesline is ducked, and Biff scoops Zack off his feet and throws him into the corner! A series of back elbows follows, and a shoulderblock knocks the wind out of Zack before he's taken out of the corner and whipped so hard to the other side that he falls flat on his face after smashing into the turnbuckles! Biff nods knowingly at the crowd, drawing their ire, and then follows up with a running clothesline that takes a barely recovered Malibu down once again! COACH The King of the Clothesline doin' what he does best, and Malibu is DOWN, baby! Biff drags Zack up and hoists him up onto his shoulders, putting the pressure on with a Canadian Backbreaker! It's short-lived, however, as Malibu squirms until he's able to slide down the back of Biff Atlas, and takes him over with a backslide! ONE! T-KICKOUT! The two competitors get up to their feet, with Malibu kicking Biff in the ribs...or at least that was the plan until his foot got caught! Biff throws the leg down and tries a short clothesline, but Malibu ducks and hooks his arm around Biff's extended arm while going around him, then tossing him overhead with a release Half Nelson German Suplex! COLE He came right down on the back of his head! Malibu takes a few breaths before yanking Biff off the canvas and sending him to the corner, following up with a diving corner splash that splatters the hula skirt wearing superstar against the turnbuckles! Zack backs up, pulling Biff out of the corner by the wrist and shooting him across to the far side, and follows that up with a ZACK ATTACK II~!, or NOT, as Biff sidesteps it at the last second...but Zack lands with his feet on the middle rope, and springs backwards...but gets caught on Biff's shoulders! Biff walks to the center of the ring, looking for the space to deliver An Inconvienient Truth to Malibu, but Zack slips out of his grasp and cracks him on the jaw with SCHOOL'S OUT as he turns to him! Biff goes down, and Zack follows him to the canvas, making sure his shoulders are on the mat as he covers him! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE Quick and decisive, and Zack Malibu shines here tonight on HeldDOWN~! "Getting Away With Murder" is cued up for Malibu's victory celebration, as the popular superstar has his hand raised by Lil' Naitch. Malibu circles the ring, paying respect to his legion of fans as they stand on their feet cheering the former World Champion and his victory here tonight. COLE It wasn't meant to be for Biff Atlas tonight, and it may not be long before Landon Maddix's time is up. Zack Malibu is as charged and focused as ever, and that is a man who is not going to rest until the World Championship is back around his waist!

COLE Folks, as you may have heard on our OAOAST.com podcasts after being bested in their tag title match at Zero Hour The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew immediately filed a formal protest against the decision with the OAOAST's competition committee. Some might say that's sour grapes, but some might say they're well within their rights due to Krista using a shears to gain the victory. COACH They ought to be praised as national sports icons for taking the “high road” and just protesting decision! If I was them, I'd be asking Mister Moneymaker for the name of a good lawyer so I could sue the OAOAST for my damn title belts! COLE Be that as it may, last week was a pretty terrible one for The Wrecking Crew, as not only did they miss out on their chance to become only the third team to hold both HI-YAH and OAOAST tag gold, but they lost a shocker to Rescue 911, thanks to a revealing, to say the least, bit of interference from Krista. At our non televised star-studded OAOAST event this past Tuesday in Richmond, The Wrecking Crew were set to go up against Rescue 911. However, Rescue 911 never made it into the building. Documentary footage from Molly Nerdly shows us why.... A 99 Ford Escort pulls into the arena parking lot, carefully maneuvering past stray arena employees on their early evening smoke brake. From the doors of the car emerge two men who would be most likely to inform these employees that its illegal to smoke within fifteen feet of arena grounds, Rescue 911. But they decide to let it slide and instead head towards the arena, discussing strategy for their upcoming match with The Wrecking Crew. Unfortunately, their confrontation with The Crew comes much sooner then they'd like, as the former HI-YAH tag team champions blindside them with lead pipes! Well Rico has a lead pipe, Lucius Soul has a pimp cane. There's nary a speck of resilience from the men in blue, as they're terrorized by the unrelenting assault. Everytime they hint towards an attempt to stand, they're kept down by brutal strikes. Once they realize they've beaten their rivals unconscious the Wrecking Crew slam their weapons down in triumph. RICO (stomping on Bosley) You wanna mess wit the Wrecking, mang? Don't you ever mess with the Wrecking Crew! I told you not to mess with The Wrecking Crew! SOUL The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew will swarm on any chump ass who dream they better then us. We will cut yo head back to dat fat meat! That's real! With one final kick to the battered tag team, the Wrecking Crew departs the scene before security can confront them. courtesy Singleton Productions a Division of The Enterprise. COLE Folks, earlier today The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew were reprimanded for their actions and fined six thousand dollars apiece. Our cameras caught up with Rescue 911 yesterday to get their take on the situation. Cut to an empty warehouse, the sounds being provided by the buzzing of cars outside, the light given by shards of moonlight that break through cracked windows. Detective Bosley and EMT Tim Cash are shown from the side in a medium closeup, with the light pasting soft shadows onto their faces. The hue of the image is blue, with a low contrast to push it to a bluish gray. The look of the shot is grainy, and uneven, as though someone sprinkled dust onto the screen. BOSLEY I'm from New York, I'm from fucking New York, and I don't just say that shit to say it, you know what I mean. I say that 'cause it means something. It means I'm the toughest son of a bitch on this roster, no question. No fucking question. From day one on the job in the NYPD, I seen things that could make any man breakdown and cry. All you seen it in is on movies like Training Day, Miami Vice, shows like COPS. All them little side characters in those movies, the random cops that get shot down, and die, those are were my friends, getting shot down around me. All of 'em. Shot down or gone crazy. I''m still here. And I ain't worried about The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew or what they did to me and Cash. To be honest witchya, I'm kinda glad they did it. Its been a while since I had someone try and whip my ass, I thought I was becoming a little too charming, too much a nice guy. Maybe I was losing my touch on these scumbags, ya know what I'm saying. I see that ain't the case, and I see I gotta lay some police brutality on The Wrecking Crew. Cash, ya with me? CASH Without a doubt. Wrecking Crew skirt the laws, and bend the rules all you like, because when the clock strikes midnight, the earth stops turning, and your day of reckoning lies before you, and all your sins lie behind you, justice will either cleanse you or destroy you. Either way, Rescue 911 will be there to execute extreme judgment. Count on that. FADE OUT COLE Very big threats from Rescue 911, but one has to wonder can they follow up on it? More over is The Wrecking Crew even paying attention to what Rescue 911 has to say given that they're embroiled in that tag title protest. Questions to be answered in the coming week. Please stay tuned! COMMERCIAL BREAK

Very, very, excellent pay per view that can only get better when the other two title matches are edited in. I really enjoyed reading it. Good job to all who worked on it. Maybe, I'll have more feedback later, maybe I won't, but still I thought it was pretty awesome. Mad respect to Papa for the graphics, and we bid him a fond farewell as he moves on from our little e-fed, leaving me to handle the graphics from now on. Many thanks for all his hard work over the years!

Tupelo, MS!!!

Hmmm, I think I'll post the show on early friday afternoon (early evening eastern time), giving ppl who haven't turned anything in or who might be burnt out from having to get ppv matches done, time to work on something should they want to. Really, I've thought of proposing the idea that every HD after a ppv should come on Friday afternoon, seeing that the actual PPVs are pretty much always posted on Monday. That way you get your four days between PPV and HD to write something.

Anything for the man who actually uses the booking thread! Really, with only two actual segments turned in so far I may not even be posting the show until tomorrow!

DIRECTED BY P'OG WRITTEN BY Alfdogg Zack Malibu King Cucaracha Tony149 Ed Wood Caulfield Patty O'Green GRAPHICS Papacita Patty O'Green (well just one!) OAOAST CREATED BY Tony149 CWM Anglesault © 2007 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THREE DUDES ARE READING AND TWO OTHERS ARE SKIMMING Hendrix's Hey Joey plays setting the mood for the opening video, and if you haven't heard that song before, then I don't know what you're doing with your life but it ain't nothing good. INT. Sleazy Motel Bed Room. FADE IN on a shimmering shaft of light shining through ragged half closed curtains. We follow the trail of light, observing the dingy motel room, littered with beer cans, cigarette butts, stale food, dirty clothes, and various items of litter. The light leads us to the dilapidated bed which is in worse condition then the rest of the room. Landon Maddix is sprawled out on the sheets, his world title situated on top of his softly heaving chest, as though it were his amorous companion for the night. Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Alright. I'm goin down to shoot my old lady, you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man. Yeah,! I'm goin' down to shoot my old lady, you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man. Huh! And that ain't too cool. Cut to the outside parking lot, which is being assaulted by a hellish torrential downpour. Zack Malibu, clothes torn, unshaven, wide eyed with a look of debauched insanity on his face, stands in front of a worn down pickup truck, clutching a shotgun. Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot your woman down, you shot her down. Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot you old lady down, you shot her down to the ground. Yeah! We're returned to the motel room where PRL has replaced Landon Maddix, as the world title's romantic suitor. He reclines against the bed posts, taking long arrogant drags on his cigarette. Yes, I did, I shot her, you know I caught her messin' 'round, messin' 'round town. Uh, yes I did, I shot her you know I caught my old lady messin' 'round town. And I gave her the gun and I shot her! Back in the parking lot Zack Malibu has been replaced with Chris Stevens and Alfdogg. Though each men wields a shotgun, and look as though they haven't slept in days, their oblivious to one another as they begin journeying across the parking lot. Alright (Ah! Hey Joe) Shoot her one more time again, baby! (Oo) Yeah. (Hey Joe!) Ah, dig it! (Hey) Ah! Ah! (Joe where you gonna go?) Oh, alright. In the bedroom Felix Strutter slowly strokes his Heartland Title, whispering inaudible words of romance and love to it, as the light from the outside suddenly grows harsher. Cut to a medium close up of Rico De Janiero's and Lucius Soul as a violent thunder booms around them. Shivering from the continued attack of the rain, the gun toting pair reach the stairs, the start of their ascent marked by another shout of powerful thunder. Hey Joe, said now, (Hey) uh, where you gonna run to now, where you gonna run to? Yeah. (where you gonna go?) Hey Joe, I said, (Hey) where you goin' to run to now, where you, where you gonna go? Cut to the bedroom, where Krista Isadora Duncan, sits on the edge of the bed, staring blankly into space, with an empty bottle of Tequila, and a knife held her in blood drenched, trembling hands. Well, dig it! I'm goin' way down south, way down south, (Hey) way down south to Mexico way! Alright! (Joe) I'm goin' way down south, (Hey, Joe) way down where I can be free! Cut to Colombian Heat wearily ascending the stairs, his ghostly reflection bounced back by the non descript windows behind him. A harrowing montage of Leon Rodez, James Riggs, Christian Wright, and Logan Mann all darting up the stairs is shown until the figure that finally reaches the balcony is Zack Malibu. His features look more sunken, and pallid then before, now overran by an overgrowth of unkempt facial hair. Wasted and gaunt, each step looks as though its draining years away from his life. Ain't no one gonna find me babe! (...go?) Ain't no hangman gonna, (Hey, Joe) he ain't gonna put a rope around me! (Joe where you gonna..) You better believe it right now! Cut to the hotel room, now shrouded in a devastating darkness, the only light provided by a soft glimmer from the otherwise dull and rusted over world title belt. Its holder is also cloaked beneath the blackness, and ambiguous figure indistinguishable as any one OAOAST superstar. The door is slowly pushed open, exposing the hell of the outside the world. The intensity of the rain storm ratchets mightily as the shotgun peers through the crack in the door. Within seconds the skeletal figure of Zack Malibu emerges in the room. The darkness burns him, and every breath comes hard, and harsh, scraping his nerves raw. Just wishing to slow down the pain his unsteady arms raise the gun at his intended target. The camera pans around to show the viewer that his victim is the clean shaven, healthy, pretty boy version of Zack Malibu, happily holding onto the OAOAST World Title. I gotta go now! Hey, hey, hey Joe, (Hey Joe) you better run on down! (where you gonna...) Goodbye everybody. Ow! (...go?) Hey, hey Joe, what'd I say, (Hey.......................Joe) run on down. (where you gonna go? ***BAM*** We fade into a more traditional opening video, littered with action clips from various OAOAST superstars, set to the sounds of Stronger by Kanye West. When that comes to a close we go to.... JOSH MATTHEWS! MAGGIE NERDLY! The pairing are situated outside the arena, where they're surrounded by a throng of excited, but tickletless, fans. Many of these OAOAST fanatics have brought signs saluting their favorite superstars and aren't shy about trying to get them onto the air. MAGGIE What's up, ya'll? It's ya girl Maggie Nerdly holding it down in the Big Ten, Memphis, with the one, the only, Josh “J.Math” Matthews. We're out with a couple hundred of our closest friends. So, right now, I need for everybody out here to give me some noise! “YEAAAAAAA!” MAGGIE Are ya'll for real? That sucked! I said gimmie some noise! “YEAAAAAA!” JOSH Get a load of that reaction, Maggie, I bet its even noisier inside! MAGGIE Why wouldn't it be? We're at the biggest event of the fall season! Zero Hour! And I haven't seen commotion this hot and this wild since my sister Mildred found a potato chip that looked like Lieutenant Worf from Star Trek. But, Josh, what do ya say we proceed to give these fans what they need, and run down this card? JOSH Sure thing, Maggie. We have numerous title matches going on tonight, on of which is one I bet you're looking forward to between six man champions D*LUX and Leon Rodez and The Beverly Hills Blonds and Christopher Patrick Allen. MAGGIE What the hell does that mean, “I bet you're looking forward to it”? You know I got half a mind to pop you right between the eyes, jerkface! You bet I'm looking forward to it? Peep this, man, I have mad respect Leon Rodez, as an athlete, a competitor, and entertainer. He's forthcoming and accessible for interviews, and that's all us journalists can ask a dude for. I look forward to seeing him just like I look forward to seeing Jumbo, or Vinny Valentine, or Dos, or Dance Dance Dragon, or Spanish Fly. So, kindly walk on outta here with that noise, man. JOSH I..I..just meant you were excited because your older sister Molly should be out there with The Blonds. MAGGIE Oh. Yeah, Molly, right. Peep this, Molly may be the smartest girl in the family, but as we can see from her latching onto Singleton, her taste in men is messed up. Yo, back in 05 I asked her if she could get with any wrestling personality on earth, who would it be? You know who that girl said? YOU! HAHAHAAHA! JOSH If I weren't certain that I'm such a drop dead sexy little bitch, I might be hurt by that comment. Moving on, we also have a title unification match between James Riggs and Colombian Heat. The winner will have the honor of calling themselves the brand new United States champion! Whoever wins that match will have their status skyrocket here in the OAOAST, but can also look forward to having a giant bullseye on their back! Its both an enviable and unenviable position to find yourself in. MAGGIE Just think, man, when the year started the OAOAST was weighed down by about nine different belts. Now it seems like every month one's being cast aside. Who says the OAOAST brass ain't nothing but a bunch of bottom feeding degenerate monkey brained clowns? JOSH I believe Mister Moneymaker said that at the last talent meeting. Speaking of Mister Moneymaker he and Christian Wright are heading into battle with The Love Doctors. MAGGIE Alright, J-Math, you're the rasslin' expert between the two of us, gimme a winner, bro. Can The Docs beat The 2007 Anderson Cup champions and first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champs? JOSH Nope! And I didn't even get a bribe to say that. That's just the pure truth right there. Hopefully, the Doctors don't get hurt to bad, I've got a splinter in my index finger that's been killing me for two weeks! MAGGIE Well, mothers put your children to bed, lock the door, and give 'em ear plugs so they don't hear the screams of terror, 'cause we got a Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell match on tap for you. There's no winners in this bad boy, just an extensive time on the injured reserve for the participants, and a huge medical bill at the end of the month for the company. Josh, you're a sucky little Nancygirl, but if you were a real hardcore bro, what would be your thoughts going into this thing? JOSH My thoughts would be I wish I was a sucky little Nancygirl, so I could sit back and commentate on this match and not wrestle in it. A chamber of hell isn't fun for the participants, its hell, total hell. The best you can do is hope to survive and pray you don't have too many years taken off your career. MAGGIE J.Math, for the first time ever, the OAOAST is presenting a soccer penalty shootout between Jamie O'Hara, and Nathaniel Black. JOSH Yeah, what is O'Hara, like five three? I hope he got a designated goaltender, otherwise his chances of victory are sliding faster then my turds covered in Crisco, and bacon fat! Maggie, how much do you know about the sport our Mexican allies refer to as futbol? MAGGIE Nada, except for the fact that David Beckham is one hot piece of ass. JOSH I'll take Hope Solo. Her coach may have kicked her off the team but I wouldn't kick her off my bed! MAGGIE Take what you can get, man, take what you can get. JOSH One tateam who has their pick of the litter when it comes to dames, us cool people call girls “dames”, are The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. But they face two smoking hot dames who've had a near iron grip on the tag titles this year, Chicks Over Dicks. Rico De Janeiro is a Brazilian icon, and Lucius Soul, well that man is a pimp's pimp... MAGGIE Stop it right there, man. Quit ya duck tales. The Wrecking Crew are the lamest cornballs I've ever seen, the only “dames” they got pickings on are deaf, dumb and blind. They're gonna get served bad by COD, and I for one am glad! JOSH Fair enough! There's another match on the card which you should have a vested interest in. Holly-Wood teams with your older sister Melody to go up against The Heavenly Rockers led by your older brother Abdullah. There's gotta be lots of intense and strange feelings going through your mind right now. Perhaps you'd like to share them by performing oral sex on me? MAGGIE No! JOSH Okay, but if you change your mind, my ejaculate is here. MAGGIE That's great to know, man. Josh, everyone in my family was already hip to how jealous Abdullah was of Marvin and Melvin, but we always just thought he'd keep it movin, maybe get in a few cheap shots at the breakfast table, but nothing more then that. What went down at Angleslam shocked the whole family, and that's a lot of people to be shocked. I'm proud Melody wants to help, but I'm her little sis, I gotta be worried about her. Abdullah is dangerous as hell, and I don't really like this Holly-Wood woman as her partner. Man, who the hell does she think she is? She gave me the worst interview I've ever had! Talking about her fame, telling me she's constantly got people coming up to her for her autograph on the streets. That's bull, the only reason anyone ever comes up to her is because they think she's the bitch from Wendys. JOSH That was harsh! I didn't know you had capacity for such venom. MAGGIE Well...Krista wrote it for me. JOSH Ah, now it all makes sense. Finally at Zero Hour, the mainevent oughta be a doozy with Zack Malibu and PRL facing off against world champion Landon Maddix in a three way ladder match! MAGGIE Josh, that's a clash of the titans right there! I wouldn't want to be the ringside official in that match, because those guys are at each other's throats in the worst way! This match is as much about hurting the other man, than is about winning any title. JOSH Still I see some shaky alliances being formed here and there. But I expect them to be broken along with a few bones. But I hope those bones don't belong to Zack, 'cause I'm pulling for the Franchise! MAGGIE You and everyone else in the country! Aight, I think we're done out here, peeps, ya'll enjoy Zero Hour. We're turning it over to Cole and Coach! We cut from Josh and Maggie to the spy-tech inspired décor of the Zero Hour set. Digitized bullseyes randomly flash over grainy images of random OAOAST superstars on two towering video pillars at the side of the entrance ramp. At the center of the set is a giant triangle shaped video screen, who's base is interrupted by the familiar OAOAST entrance doors. Strewn about the stage are various flashy cars such as Audis, Hummers, BMWS, Lexuses , Aston Martins, Maseratis, etc. All black of course. I guess I should've explained the set earlier, but what's it matter, the set is only useful for intros and none of you guys like writing entrances anyway, except EWC. Thus, I apologize to EWC. I should've told you what the set looked like earlier. With my remorse out the way we can turn our attention to the announce team... COLE Thank you, Maggie, and thank you Josh. Coach, we have a huge night in store for our fans here in Memphis. Many of our matches could have a long running implication on the short and longterm future of the OAOAST. COACH You got that right! And two of our matches could have a long running implication on the short and longterm health of the superstars involved. We got the always dangerous ladder match for the OAOAST world title and the Heartland Chamber of Hell! We cut backstage, where Thunderkid is seen doing pushups, and the crowd cheers. COLE And there is Thunderkid, a former two-time Heartland champion, getting ready to, perhaps, win #3 here tonight, as he gets set for the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH He's been in all three matches, Cole, maybe the third time will be the charm! COLE We'll see later on tonight! For now let's kick off the biggest event of the fall! "Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)" As we go up to the ring the sounds of Blondie's "Call Me" begin to ring through the arena. Totally unintentional pun. Totally awesome nonetheless. Marching through the entrance doors, the sour-faced foursome of Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton, Mackenzie DeCenzo, Molly Nerdly and the always poker-faced Christopher Patrick Allen are roundly booed as they walk to the ring. The camera zooms in on Ned in particular, sporting a wounded look on his face. Simon senses his partner's mood and pats him on the back in a weak attempt to pep him up. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is our opening contest of OAOAST ZERO HOUR, TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN! Scheduled for one fall, it is for the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Championships, which can only change hands in the event of a pinfall or submission! Introducing first, on their way to the ring, the challengers. Representing THE ENTERPRISE! At a total combined weight of seven hundred, twenty five pounds. CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as C-P-A... and, accompanied by their manager MACKENZIE DECENZO... SIMON SINGLETON, NED BLANCHARD, they are... THE BEVERLY HILLS... BBLLLLLLOOOOOONNDDSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Chief Financial Officer for The Enterprise takes her seat in the director's chair at ringside, while Ned, Simon and CPA are subjected to the abuse of the crowd in the ring. COLE The former Champs looking for redemption here at Zero Hour 07. The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA defended their titles successfully against the reigning Champions back at our Syndicated presentation in London, England, albeit thanks to some shady tactics. But just a week later, they were dethroned by Leon and D*LUX, under the guise of 'Los Ninos Anorexicos'. COACH Ugh. A dark day in wrestling history. COLE Well, it was slightly controversial. And up until now, The Blonds and CPA haven't recieved what they feel is a long overdue return match, a 'Sequel' if you will. But here tonight in Memphis, they're going to get their opportunity. A lot of water has passed under the bridge between these six men in the past 7 months, especially with Jade Rodez having returned to the side of D*LUX since that title change. Tonight though, it's not about Jade Rodez. It's simply about the title belts of the World Six Man Tag Team Champions. In the ring, Ned runs the ropes, trying to get himself prepared. COACH It may not be about Jade to you but it still is to that man! Look at Ned, I've never seen him so dejected, so subdued. The poor guy had his heart broken... COLE Oh, please! COACH Come on, have some compassion! Poor Ned just isn't the same and it's a crying shame. COLE Ned and co have been uncharacteristically quiet since AngleSlam, that much is true. BUFFER And, introducing the opponents! "Love Generation" by Bob Sinclar takes the crowd momentarily by surprise, surprise making way to delight as through the doors pile the Champions. Jade Rodez leads the way for her regular (save for a few months, winkwink) charges, D*LUX. Jade stops on the stage with hands on hips, striking a pose as "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant emerge and stand either side, saluting their fans. They soon find themselves posing besides a different Rodez though, as Leon steps in front of her sister and takes her spotlight, hiding her with an outstretching of his robe. Jade and Leon bicker a little, left to it by Shayne and Tyler as they hand-tag their way down the aisle. But like all good brother and sisters, the Rodez siblings are all smiles again a few seconds later as they follow D*LUX to the ring. BUFFER They are accompanied to the ring by Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of five hundred and ninety nine pounds... they are the reigning and defending OAOAST Six Man Tag Team Champions of the WWOOOORRRRRRRLLLLD!! First, the team of "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT, they are D*LLLUUUUUXXXXXX!! And, their tag team partner. He is Silky Smooth, he is "LUSCIOUS" LEON RODEZ!! Together, they comprise the team of LLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE GGEEENNEEERRRRRRAAAAAAATTIIIIIIOOOOOOOONN!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" D*LUX climb the apron and reach down, giving Jade a helping hand or two up onto the apron. Leon stands next in line and holds up his hands expecting the same assist. He's cruelly DENIED~! though and left to sadly slide in on his own power. COLE A new guise for the Champions, new music... COACH "Luscious" Leon!? COLE Well, "Showtime" Shayne, "Tremendous" Tyler. It's good. It fits. With the entrances out of the way and the mound of ring jackets being taken to the back, we're ready go with the action. Referee Charles Robinson tries to hold the three belts aloft in the usual tradition, which proves a bit of a handful, so he just lifts the one as the teams have their seperate conferences in their corners. Simon Singleton it is to start for The Enterprise, while Leon begins the match for the champions. *DINGDINGDING!* "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" SINGLETON COME ON, DON'T START THAT! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Grinning from ear to ear as they lock up, Leon quickly grabs a headlock on Singleton. Rolling behind, he transitions into a hammerlock, then picks the ankles and trips Simon up so he lands flat on his face! Rodez walks over Singleton and kicks up some dust in the Video Voyeur's face, sending him scrambling for his corner to regroup. The Enterprise all loudly complain (well, except CPA who's pretty quiet), especially when Leon cracks a cheesy, DDP-esque smile at them from across the ring. COLE Haha! Great to see Leon Rodez back wrestling with a smile on his face after a long, tough emotional period. Words of encouragement ringing in his ears, out of the corner circles Simon Singleton. He and Leon lock up again and after a brief tussle, this time it's Singleton who grabs the headlock! Cue impromptu celebrations from his corner. Singleton gets a little over-confident as a result though and loses Leon. The Silky Smooth One slips out of the headlock and behind into a hammerlock, trips Simon up, walks over him and loungs in the neutral corner!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Hands covering his head, Simon glances up from his cowardly position... and curses a blue streak as Leon waves back at him. COACH Now that's just disrespectful. COLE He's just having fun Coach. COACH This is the OAOAST Michael. It's not supposed to be fun! Simon has had enough apparantly, tagging in an eager Ned Blanchard. Loud boos go up for The Handsome Hustler as he marches into the ring and squares up to Leon, mouth motoring away. Leon looks pretty uninterested at first. But Ned continues to run his mouth before pointing out at Leon's sister Jade at ringside, no doubt reminding him of her recent allegiance to The Enterprise (as if he needed reminding) before laying his hand on an imaginary figure in front of him and GRINDING HIS HIPS SUGGESTIVELY!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh yeah, he would have Leon! He would have! *SLAP!* "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And I bet that's what he would have got for his trouble, a slap in the mouth! Leon starts throwing right hands now with the crowd and his sister right behind him with every punch! Grabbing the arm, he then whips Ned... no, reversal, Ned whipping Leon in. As Leon rebounds off the ropes Ned ducks his head for a backdrop. He telegraphs it though and leaves himself open for a Sunset Flip... ...Ned wobbles... ...he wobbles some more... ...but, stays upright, prompting Leon to take drastic measures and reach up for Ned's tights. Fortunately for Ned, he still doesn't go down. Unfortunately for him and the entire world watching, his tights do, EXPOSING HIS ASS TO THE PAY PER VIEW AUDIENCE!! CROWD *horrified screams* COACH OH NO! COLE WHY LEON, WHY!? Mackenzie covers her mouth in shock, nobody quite able to bear to watch any more. Still determined to get the sunset flip, Leon kicks up his legs, hooking Ned's arms and finally pulling him to the canvas... 1... 2... No! Ned kicks out and rolls to his feet, swinging for The Silky Smooth One. Duck underneath from Leon though, lifting up Blanchard and dropping his bare behind across his knee with an Atomic Drop! Ned favours his bare backside, while Leon comes off the ropes in front and soars with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Kickout! Off the ropes comes Leon again. But this time Ned manages to cut him off with a knee to the gut, pointing to his head to show how smart he is. Of course, nobody is looking at the man's head amirite? And despite the pleas from the sidelines to pull up his tights and save us all the horror, The Handsome Hustler is in the zone and doesn't hear them! Instead, he picks Leon up and executes a bodyslam in the centre of the ring. Ned then hits the ropes, giving the Siclopse a most unwanted close-up angle, as he drops the point of the elbow... ...into the canvas. COACH You've gotta say this for Ned, that's a great all-over tan he's got. COLE What is WRONG with you!? Standing up, Ned shakes out his arm and absent-mindedly walks into a scoop and a slam from Leon! Only after executing the move does Leon realise where his hand had just been in the crotch-hold and lift, looking horrified for a moment before Ned comes back at him. Leon had little time to think and goes on instinct, executing a second unhygenic scoop slam! Barely able to hold in their laughter, D*LUX have little sympathy for their partner's plight as he executes a third scoop slam, complete with grimace as he lifts Ned, finally putting The Handsome Hustler down for long enough to grab Charles Robinson and use his shirt to wipe his hand!! COLE I sure hope that baby-oil doesn't stain. Looking down at Ned, Leon quickly offers a tag. However neither Shayne or Tyler will accept it due to the hand it's being offered with and lean as far back on the apron as possible! Leon goes right over to his corner with the hand out-stretched, Shayne and Tyler diving for cover... all this allowing Ned to attack from behind, kneeing Leon in the back. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ned seems completely oblivious to the laughter and groans coming his way, backing Leon in his corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and laying in a chop. Blanchard then points over to his corner, warning his partners of his next move. COLE For God's sake Ned, pull your pants up!! No avail. Pushing in, Ned looks for an irish whip on Leon. It's reversed by The Silky Smooth One and Ned ends up going hard into his team's corner. That would be a lucky break, if not for one small problem. Simon and CPA are unavailable for the tag as they've jumped off the apron for fear of contact with their partner's exposed ass! Still Ned seems confused, but manages to get his wits about him long enough to get a boot up, blocking a charge from Leon. Rodez falls down holding his face and Ned quickly exits the ring, heading to the top rope. COLE Oh my God no! Think of the children Ned! COACH Why do we have to have our table on this side of the ring!? Ned slowly scales the turnbuckles, to the unbridled torture of everyone sat in that corner of the crowd. The studious Molly Nerdly angles the Siclopse camera up to capture every moment of the action but this footage too raw for even Simon Singleton to take and he places one hand over the lens of his camera, one hand over his burning eyes! COACH Don't look it directly in the eye!!! COLE To everyone's dismay, Ned stalls on the top rope, crouched as he waits for Leon. Even his teammates are pleading with Leon to hurry up and turn around, which he seems to take an eternity to do, before Ned finally comes off the top and CONNECTS with the double axehandle! "PULL YOUR PANTS UP!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "PULL YOUR PANTS UP!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* Landing safely on his feet, Ned comes to a stop in mid-celebration. Looking over his shoulder, Ned finally realises what the world has been trying not to notice and PULLS UP HIS PANTS, to the biggest cheer he's ever recieved in his career! COLE Folks, I've seen some things in my time but... 'oh my' doesn't cut it. COACH I never thought I'd hear that chant again Michael. COLE You are too much. Seriously. In the middle of all this insanity, a wrestling match has broken out! And Ned Blanchard tags out to Simon Singleton, who still looks a little pale after that experience. Simon comes in and takes over on Leon, grabbing hold of the back of his singlet and dragging him into a forearm to the kidneys. And a second. Reaching up, Simon then grabs Leon by the head and drops to a knee, crushing the coconut by driving Leon's famed good-looks across his kneecap. Only dazed by the move, Leon is quickly on his feet again but reels unsteadily into a neutral corner. A weak guard is put up by The Silky Smooth One. But Simon isn't here to box, he's here to wrestle, going to the gut with a knee and whipping Rodez coast to coast. Fist clenched, Singleton then follows in with a charge... but runs right into the knee of Leon Rodez! Simon staggers away, allowing Leon to run the rails to his corner and the tag to Tyler Bryant! COLE Our first taste of D*LUX tonight! Tyler jumps into the ring and wastes no time in mowing down Singleton with a clothesline. And a second. And a third, "Tremendous" Tyler all fired up! Irish whip by Tyler, sending his old rival high overhead with a BAAAAACK bodydrop on the rebound. That draws Ned into the ring, right into a dropkick which sends him tumbling right back out through the ropes! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Quick tag and in comes Shayne Brave for the Champions. Together, the tag-team specialists set up Singleton for a double irish whip. Back he comes and D*LUX 'rock until they drop', with a Double Hiptoss and Double Fistdrop combo! Out goes Tyler, covering goes Shayne... 1... 2... Broken up by CPA! COACH Uh-oh. I think CPA's getting sick of watching his buddies getting embarrassed and that's not going to put him in a good mood. COLE Just for a change. As CPA is ordered to leave the ring by the referee, D*LUX get ready for another double team move. Shayne quickly drops Simon across his knee with a quick inverted atomic drop and holds him in place, while Tyler comes off the ropes and tries to kick his face off with the Yakuza Kick! The illegal man Tyler quickly slides out of the ring, leaving no distractions for Charles Robinson when he turns around to spot a jacknife pin from "Showtime" Shayne... 1... 2... NO! COLE Opposites Attracting there for D*LUX, Paula Abdul would be proud. COACH Paula who? COLE Oh you're so fickle. Another quick tag is made by the D*LUX duo and in comes Tyler. Outraged at the continued double teaming, Ned climbs to the apron and tries to get in the ring to complain. All he ends up doing is distracting the ref though, as D*LUX pick Singleton up and drop him across their knees with the Cowell Movement. And they hold onto Simon, keeping him over the knees as Leon steals into the ring... *SMACK!* ...and dropkicks the prone Video Voyeur right across the top of the head! COLE Great teamwork from the Champions right there. COACH Oh sure, it's 'great teamwork' when your favourites do it. One in, two out. That's how six man tags are supposed to work. COLE Well there you go, Shayne and Leon out, one man in, there's the cover... Robinson finally gets rid of Ned and turns to count the pin by Tyler... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling Simon back up by the jericurls, Tyler tries to set Simon up with an irish whip. But Simon pulls out a reversal from out of nowhere, sending Tyler off the ropes and right into a well-placed knee from the apron by Ned Blanchard! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As the Champions complain about the well-disguised cheapshot Ned holds up his hands and walks innocently back to his corner, leaving Singleton to take advantage and cut down Tyler with a deseration clothesline. Landing in his corner, Singleton then reaches up, letting the bigman CPA tag into the match for the first time. COLE We've seen that one too many times. A cheapshot from Ned turns the tide for The Enterprise and now, in comes the big-hitter, Christopher Patrick Allen. CPA comes in and stalks Tyler, waiting for the youngster to get back up. The moment he does he then pounces, landing a bodyshot that almost puts Tyler through the ropes. Tyler hangs on the ropes as the former pro-boxer continues landing bodyshots, ignoring the warnings of the referee to back away. Eventually CPA does relinquish though and whips Tyler off the ropes. A big shoulderblock on the rebound puts Tyler down, earning the applause of The Blonds from the corner. Cover by CPA... 1... 2... No! By the hair CPA drags Tyler back up. Another irish whip loads him up, this time for a big Powerslam, into another pin attempt... 1... 2... Shoulder barely out at two! Leon applauds his partner and tries to lend some vocal support, despite the dominance CPA is able to have with him. After a hard shot with he inside of his forearm CPA accepts the tag from Ned Blanchard. CPA doesn't leave immediately though, as he again whips Tyler off the ropes. Using the referee's full five count, Allen picks up Tyler on the rebound and just lets him plummet to the canvas with a Flapjack! Ned follows that up off the ropes with a simple but effective boot to the side of the head. With all his veteran tricks Ned then detours into the Love Generation corner and piefaces Shayne Brave, drawing the youngster into the ring. COLE There's another cheapshot for those keeping score. Referee Robinson quickly interjects as Shayne and then Leon try to come in. Which provides the distraction for The Enterprise, as Simon Singleton has scaled the ropes and gets thrown onto Tyler with the ROCKET LAUNCHER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What happened to one in, two out Coach? COACH Leon and D*LUX had three in at a time, I think we can let The Enterprise have a little leeway. COLE Why? Because you say so? COLE Pretty much. As Singleton rolls from the ring, Ned quickly makes the cover and hollers for Robinson to turn around... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Upset that the patented Rocket Launcher wasn't enough, Ned mounts Tyler and hammers away with a succession of right hands! The five count forces him to break that up before all his frustrations are released, so he gives Robinson a bit of a shove for getting too close. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The Memphis crowd get behind the boybander on his team's prompting, as he's dragged to his feet by Ned. A forearm rocks Bryant, as does a second. Grabbing a front facelock, Ned then looks to put his rival away with the Slingshot Suplex... ...but Tyler floats over in mid-air, rolling Ned up from behind... 1... 2... No! Safely out in time, Ned quickly snuffs out the fire Tyler had been building with a hard knee to the gut! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Down in a heap goes Tyler, to a smug grin from Ned. The Handsome Hustler points down at Tyler and sarcastically asks Jade if this is really a better option to hang her wagon from (so to speak) than his good self. A stomp further humiliates Tyler and Jade as Ned continues to mock her, Jade scowling back at her not-so secret admirer with a look that could kill. COLE Ned really needs to get his head in the game here. COACH Relax Michael, Ned's a professional. He's just taking a second out to remind Jade what she's missing out on. COLE I think we all saw more than enough of that earlier. Backing Tyler into a neutral corner, Ned trips out the legs so that his opponent is sitting against the bottom turnbuckle, then places the flat of his foot right over Tyler's windpipe! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking cleanly, Ned insists he was using an open-hand so it was legal. An open-hand is then used to tag in Simon Singleton, who makes his way into the furthest corner from his opponent and ROLLS CAMERAS~ Sure enough, the boos sound out even before Singleton has made his move, running across the ring and pushing up off the top rope. Hanging onto the rope, Singleton then swings himself back, arrowing both his feet into the ches... ...NO! Tyler rolls out of the way and Singleton dropkicks nothing but the bottom turnbuckle! COLE Nobdoy home on that one! After a jarring landing, Simon drags himself up and goes after Tyler again. But Tyler is already on the move and comes back off the ropes, using the last of his burst of energy to take Singleton down with the Phantom Neckbreaker!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But there was plenty home for Tyler Bryant. And now, can he tag one of his two, fresh partners!? Jade, Leon and Shayne lead the crowd in some clapping to try and encourage Tyler over to them. Mackenzie and Molly are pretty vocal themselves, yelling for Singleton to hurry up and make the tag. The two men are on the wrong sides and have to crawl past each other on the way to their corners, Singleton seemingly thinking about grabbing the leg to stop Tyler. But he's more concerned with tagging out himself though and with Ned desperately hanging out his arm, he keeps on crawling... ...tag to Blanchard... ...AND A TAG TO LEON, TO AN ERUPTION FROM THE MEMPHIS FANS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Tag on both sides, here comes Leon Rodez! Having rushed into the ring, Ned suddenly doesn't feel quite so eager and slams on the brakes holding his hands up to Leon. His attempts to beg off earn him a hard chop though! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A second. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third! Irish whip from The Silky Smooth One, Ned bouncing back and getting taken up and over with the BAAAAACK bodydrop! Leon is feeling it now. And as Ned hobbles back up with another vain attempt to beg for mercy, he walks right into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss to his sister, saying this one is for her before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing Blanchard upside the head with the enziguri! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA RODEZ SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! With a beaming grin, Jade counts along with her brother's pin attempt... 1... 2... Broken up by CPA! The bigman hauls Leon right off of the cover with scary ease and destroys him with a Northern Lariat! COACH That wiped the smile off of her face, huh? You watch, Jade'll start routing for Ned again now her brother's not getting the job done. What a glory-hunter. COLE Give me a break! With Leon seeing stars, CPA wraps him up in a gutwrench and lifts him over his shoulder, ready for the Dominator... ...but before Mackenzie can even finish cheering into shot flies Shayne Brave, soaring off the top and nailing CPA with a Missile Dropkick! Leon lands on his feet and reacts quickly to a charge from Ned, pushing the un-sighted Shayne out of the way. Ned is forced to keep running and come off the ropes, but Leon is waiting on him and connects with a beautiful standing dropkick on The Handsome Hustler. COLE The referee, beginning to lose control here. And who can blame him, there's bodies everywhere. Dazed, Ned has enough sense to roll out of the ring. Meanwhile, Leon and Shayne get themselves together and target CPA. A pair of dropkicks from the duo staggers the 280 pounder but doesn't take him off his feet. So they send him off the ropes, looking for a double clothesline. CPA ducks the line though and keeps on running, coming back off the ropes with a double clothesline of his own. "Showtime" gets taken out with the clothesline on the right side. But Leon manages to duck the left and waits, catching CPA as he turns around and pulling him down onto the knees with an Inverted Lungblower! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Having 280 pounds come down on your knees isn't ideal though and Leon hobbles a little as he comes back to his feet. All of which allowing Simon Singleton to pounce, running through Leon with a diving clothesline and making the quick follow-up cover... 1... 2... Tyler saves! Tyler starts to unload with right hands on Singleton, backing him into a corner. And while the going's good, he climbs the ropes and pulls Simon back by the jericurls for some more punches... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" TYLER TOP... "TEN!" TYLER ...HIT! ...ten more to be exact. The path has cleared behind him so Tyler sends Simon into the opposite corner, then follows after him. Singleton sidesteps but Tyler manages to put the brakes on before he hits the turnbuckles, turning around and running... ...into a FRONT SPINEBUSTER from CPA!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH That's like getting ejected out of a rollercoaster. Up, up, DOWN! Not fun. CPA is immediately jumped by Shayne, who shows more heart than power and gets unceremoniously pitched out of the ring by the bigman. CPA follows Shayne out to carry on the punishment though, leaving Singleton to finish off the job he started. Up top goes the Video Voyeur, looking to bring this production to an end with the Clapboard Legdrop. Molly makes sure the Siclopse is focused firmly on it's owner as he sets himself up top. On the outside though, CPA suddenly makes a charge. An ill-advised charge towards Shayne, who moves away from the ringpost... *CLUNK!* ...AND CAUSING CPA TO HIT NOTHING BUT STEEL! The reverberations shake Simon on his perch a little and force him to stop and reset himself on the top. And that extra second or three proves crucial, as when he finally does soar with the legdrop... ...there's NOBODY HOME!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh no! Take two, take two! COLE Not gonna happen, we are LIVE! Coming down hard on his tailbone, Simon looks in shock as Shayne slides back in. D*LUX wait on Singleton and take him off his feet with a Double Side Russian Legsweep. Standing back up, D*LUX then give the signal for Leon to go up top. Leon does just that, while D*LUX position themselves either side of Singleton. Tyler reaches down and grabs the wrists, Shayne by the feet, the tag-team specialists stretching out Singleton and elevating him about a foot off the canvas. And up top, Leon doesn't have to deal with any shaking ringposts, getting his footing and tumbling, CRASHING DOWN ONTO SINGLETON AND DRIVING HIM INTO THE CANVAS WITH THE 450 SPLASH!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE WOW! What a triple team from the Champions, Singleton got crushed! Tyler and Shayne keep guard as Leon makes the cover, Tyler bumping Ned off the apron as he tries to save... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And that's gonna do it! The Enterprise just got lovesprung by Love Generation here at Zero Hour! COACH Oh, a Justin Timberlake reference. Be gayer Cole. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... STILL the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Champions... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE, "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "LUSCIOUS" LEON, LOVE GENERRRRRRAAAAAAATTIIIIIIOOOOOOOONN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The Champions jump for joy just like the fans in Memphis, Jade rolling into the ring and embracing her man. Leon meanwhile climbs the turnbuckles and holds out his hands with a shrug, a cool if a little cocky reaction to his winning show of athleticism. Jumping from the turnbuckles, Leon exchanges high-fives with his partners and a victory hug with his sister, as the titles are handed in to the referee. All of this watched from the outside by Ned, distraught and looking close to tears with his head in his hands. COLE A great way to kick off Zero Hour 2007, with Love Generation picking up a big victory in defence of their 6-Man Titles. And this crowd in Memphis, Tennessee loving every second of it! COACH Oh yeah, they're loving this, all at Ned's expense. They're sick! Sick! Still despairing, Ned looks down at the fallen CPA and then to Mackenzie as if to say what happened. His gaze then drifts upwards, as Jade holds D*LUX's hands up in victory and blows a kiss to Ned. Like a spoilt child Ned immediately launches into a temper tantrum at ringside, Molly Nerdly having to hang onto the Siclopse for dear life to prevent it getting caught up in Ned's wake! Mackenzie tries to calm 'poor' Ned down, as in the centre of the ring, the triad of Tyler, Shayne and Leon stand and raise their 6-Man Titles over their heads. COLE Another chapter is written in this rivalry between The Enterprise and the members of Love Generation. And again, it's Leon and D*LUX who come out on top. They've got the girl, they've got the belts. And no matter how hard The Enterprise have tried, all the money in the world can't continue to buy that away from them! Chris Stevens is seen backstage doing Hindu squats. The crowd boos. COLE Chris Stevens beat Alfdogg for his only Heartland title nearly two years ago! Can he do it again, Coach? COACH Chris Stevens is a crafty guy, you can never count him out! I can't wait for this match! COLE Neither can I, Coach, but for now the remaining members of The Enterprise have quite the grudge to settle with The Love Doctors.

COLE Folks, what a night we've had here in Memphis, Zero Hour has truly lived up to its billing as the biggest event of the summer, but it can only get bigger as we head into our mainevent. These three men have been chomping at the bit to get ahold of one another, and I don't think we can keep them apart for much longer so let's send it up to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Llladies and gentlemen, the One And Only AngleSault Thread is proud to present, live at Zero Hour Two Thousand And Seven, your MAIN EVENT of the evening. In a first of it's kind in OAOAST history, it is a THREE-WAY LADDER MATCH, in which the only way to win is to climb the ladder and retrieve the championship belt which we be hung high above the arena... and, it is for the OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE Wooorrrrllld! ARE YOU READY? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Memphis, Tennessee... ARE... YOU... rrrrrrrrrrRRRREADY!? "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance... and the millions watching around the world on pay per view, ladies and gentlemen... LLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET RRREEAADY TO RRRUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Incubus' "Megalomaniac" hits first, bringing out the Champion himself! Striding through the entrance doors, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix wipes a nervous hand across his face and jumps around on the spot, trying to fire himself up. Megan Skye follows her man out and points to the belt around his waist, applauding Landon as he sets off for the ring. BUFFER Introducing first! Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring this evening by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning and defending, One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE After winning it in controversial circumstances, June 28th of this year, Landon Maddix has held the OAOAST World Title for three months now. But he has faced no tougher challenge than the one he encounters tonight. No championship advantage what-so-ever. The odds are even, he must beat not one but two challengers in retrieving his title in order to retain it. COACH And I still don't agree with that. Referee Earl Hebner stops Landon as he enters the ring, calling for the belt as the cable hangs in the middle of the ring. Landon unstraps the title from his waist, taking a deep breath as he hands it over to Hebner to loop around the metal ring of the cable. COLE You're saying PRL doesn't deserve his rematch? COACH Well... uh... COLE And you can't be saying Zack doesn't deserve a rematch. Not after what happened at AngleSlam. As the belt begins to rise into the air, Landon goes through some more warm-ups, trying to work out the nerves. COLE Well, Landon has had no luck what-so-ever in the past few weeks building to tonight. He was pinned by Zack Malibu, thanks to PRL and some Sweet Chin Music, three weeks ago when he was supposed to be teaming with him in a Handicap Match. Then, the next week, same result but with PRL getting the pin thanks to Zack's School's Out. And then last week, Landon looked to return the favour on Zack... after he'd saved him from a Lightning Crew attack no less... but found nobody home on the Superkick and was left empty-handed. Will he leave REALLY empty-handed tonight though? The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, and his fianceé, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowds' boos get louder. PR looks at the crowd in disgust, jawing with some fans. He looks at Lindsay, and the two of them begin their walk down the entrance ramp. BUFFER Introducing, the first challenger in this match. Accompanied to the ring by the OAOAST Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds, tonight hoping to win the coveted World Championship for the very first time, here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEEEEERRTOOOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena as PRL and Lindsay continue their walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. Lindsay holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly and chanting "P.R. SUCKS!" PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his hands again. COLE What a huge night this could be for Tha Puerto Rican. But, how many times we've said. PRL is desperate for a victory tonight, not just to become Champion itself but also to finally lose that tag of a man who just 'doesn't win the big one'. PR hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, recieving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring, and chats with Lindsay while the lights go back on in the arena. "Know Your Role '99" dies down as PRL locks eyes with the World Champion. COACH There's an elecricity in the air tonight. I mean, there always is when PRL's around but, something bigger. COLE An historic and sure to be an entertaining main-event here at Zero Hour 2007. COACH No, I'm talking expectancy Michael. Expectancy that finally, PRL grabs that brass ring, pulls it from the ceiling and can call himself truly the Corporate Champion, the Corporate OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COLE Or perhpas it's expectancy that the title will go to this man... .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER And, introducing the second challenger! Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island... he weighs two hundred, ten pounds... ladies and gentlemen, the true "FRANCHISE" of the OAOAST, the former three time World Heavyweight Champion... this is ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAALLLLIIIIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Walking through a shower of golden pyro, Zack marches to the ring with his head held high. A burst of white pyro shoots out from either side of the ramp behind him as he looks up at the belt hovering over the ring, that sight alone amping him up. COLE The cornerstone of the OAOAST, Zack Malibu! What a reaction from this crowd, no need to guess who the fans are going to be behind here tonight! COACH Who cares? Into the ring slides Zack and once he's sure Landon and PRL aren't about to back-jump him, he scales the turnbuckles to raise his arms for his adoring fans. Another loud cheer goes up, earning Zack glares from both of his opponent. Zack jumps down off the ropes and removes his ring jacket, handing it to the outside as Hebner now leaves the ring. Megan and Lindsay are out two, leaving just the three arch-enemies. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COLE Here we go then. Three-Way Ladder Match, seconds away. COACH Yeah, for real this time. Stick with us Meltzer, we steer you wrong! COLE What the hell are you talking about? *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd is at a fever pitch after the introductions, knowing that these three superstars could make history tonight before their very eyes. The addition of ladders (and surely, other objects and/or people) into this feud has a recipe for a classic encounter or a disaster, depending on how you look at it. The three superstars circle the ring, exchanging cold glares with each other until Maddix makes the motion that he and PRL should combine forces against Malibu! Tha Puerto Rican, uneasy about the alliance given Landon's nature, nods in agreement, and the two start slowly approaching Malibu... but Maddix gives his "friend" an encouraging nudge, right into the angry prep! COLE So much for being a team player! PRL has no time to go on the defensive, as he's rocked by a series of Malibu right hands and backed up to the ropes, while Landon drops and rolls out of the ring, already in search of a ladder! Zack fires PRL to the ropes, but Tha Puerto Rican clings to the top strand, putting the brakes on before Malibu can come up with anything to take him down again. He comes towards Malibu again, but then the two men turn and see Landon pulling a ladder up from under the ring, so they burst forward and deliver baseball slide dropkicks... ...but Landon pulls the ladder up over them, avoiding what was sure to be a painful blow! Zack and PRL then turn around and grab the ladder, using it to snap Landon down onto the floor with the ladder on top of him, driving the air out of his chest! COACH Didn't take long for the full metal mayhem to start now did it, Mikey Cole? Zack and Tha Puerto Rican each take an end of the ladder and lift it up, then slam it down onto Maddix, leaving the World Champion aching in pain under it. PRL and Zack then take the ladder and send it into the ring, but as Zack goes to climb back in, he's yanked off the apron by his friend turned foe! PRL rattles Zack with a series of right hands, only for Malibu to respond with blistering chops to the chest of the brash superstar! The exchange continues until Maddix pushes himself to his feet and charges... MADDIX YYYYAAAAARRRRGHHHH! ...but both Zack and PRL step back, causing Landon to run into the ring apron! Megan looks a little embarrassed looking on, as Tha Puerto Rican takes him and suplexes him on the floor, laying him out once again, while Malibu takes the opportunity to get back in the ring, where he begins to set the ladder up! COLE Zack Malibu wasting no time here tonight, as he looks to reclaim the World Title that he helped establish! Malibu reaches down to pull the ladder up, but immediately finds himself blasted across the back with a forearm shot from PRL! PRL then takes Zack and lifts for a back suplex, but Malibu floats over his back! Zack quickly spins him around and then sweeps PRL's leg out from under him, drilling him with an STO onto the ladder! "OOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Tha Puerto Rican rolls away, holding his head, leaving Zack free and clear to set the ladder up! COACH He's got it up, now he's just gonna have to make that climb! Zack starts his way up the ladder, all of his fans hoping that he can put an end to this issue once and for all with a quick win over his two arch-rivals. That's not to be, however, as he's barely a few steps up when Maddix slides into the ring and pulls Zack off the ladder! Landon rakes the eyes, momentarily blinding Zack, who is then shot into the ropes. Tha Puerto Rican, pulling himself up onto the apron after having been jarred by that STO, goes flying off and down into the guardrail, as Malibu stumbles back from the collision only to be met with a running kneelift to the back that sends him out through the ropes! Zack reaches up and grasps the middle rope, not allowing himself to fall to the floor, but as he brings himself to his feet, Maddix is right there waiting for him! The World Champion delivers a hard slap across the face of Malibu, then shoots himself through the middle rope to catch Zack with a shoulderblock. But Malibu sidesteps it and then hits a soccer kick to the exposed chest of the champion! COACH Ouch! Landon pulls himself back into the ring, holding his chest, while Zack leaps up to spring...NO! Tha Puerto Rican jumps up and grabs Zack by the ankle, yanking him down to the floor! PRL ties up with Malibu on the floor, but before anything can happen, Landon races over and propels himself through the bottom and middle ropes with the Topé Especial, diving onto both men! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The World Champion knows that he's a lone wolf here tonight. He's the one with the most to lose. No matter how much double-teaming goes on, whether it's he and Tha Puerto Rican onto Zack or he and Zack onto PRL, he has got to make sure that both of his opponents get equal treatment from him, and taking them both out with a dive like that is the way to do it! COACH He's got 'em both down, just roll back into the ring and get up that ladder Landon! For once, Coach's advice doesn't fall on deaf ears, as Maddix gets up to his feet and rolls back into the ring. The World Champion makes his way right over to the ladder and starts the climb, racing up the steps as fast as he can... ...but as he makes it towards the top, Tha Puerto Rican is in the ring and races up the opposite side of the ladder! Maddix reaches up for the belt, but the reach leaves him open for a right hand to the jaw, staggering him as he tries to keep his balance. Tha Puerto Rican nails another right hand that teeters the World Champion, then reaches up for the belt himself, but Maddix leans over the top of the ladder and grabs PRL, trying to shove him off! PRL clings to Maddix, and both men wind up falling off the ladder, to their feet, almost in a lockup position. Recovering his bearings, Maddix quickly grabs a headlock and gives a "thumbs up" to gloat, but finds himself shoved to the ropes and taken over with an arm drag from PRL! Maddix gets to his feet and staggers around, turning to rush PRL, and winds up elevated with a back bodydrop before crashing down ONTO A LADDER, as Malibu slides a second one into the fray! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nice timing there by Zack! COACH Not if your name's Landon Maddix! La Cucaracha convulses and as Malibu enters the ring, PRL picks up the ladder he just slid in and uses it as a battering ram, driving it into Malibu's ribcage! PRL pulls back, then runs forward again, this time connecting with the forehead of Malibu and knocking the former World Champion off his feet with a vicious ladder shot! The determined Latino keeps the ladder up on his shoulder and now turns his attention to the reigning champion, charging him in the same way he did to Zack. Maddix rolls under the ladder though and dodges! Tha Puerto Rican crashes into the ropes, with the ladder going over the top and out to the floor! PRL turns around, only to be blasted with a series of forearms by Landon that keeps him stunned before being irish whipped across the ri... NO! Tha Puerto Rican counters, sending Maddix towards a recovering Malibu, who tucks his head low and elevates Landon over the ropes... but the champion lands on the apron! Tha Puerto Rican tries for a lariat on Malibu, but Zack throws up his arms, blocking the blow! He unloads with a series of open hand slaps, cracking the leader of the Lightning Crew across his face multiple times before throwing a discus clothesline that floors him! Zack steps back as his foe reels, but Maddix creeps back in behind him, nailing him with a low blow! COLE It's perfectly legal in the confines of this match, but it's still not right! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd lets Landon have it, but he pays no mind, as he's about to let Zack have it. Holding his most detested opponent by the head, he throws him into a standing headscissors and then reaches down, hoisting him up for a powerbomb... but it's countered! Zack slides out of his grasp, landing face to face with Landon, and unloads on him just as he did to PRL moments earlier, each shot getting a bigger pop than the last... until Landon breaks it up with a knee, then tries for the powerbomb again... only to have it broken up as Tha Puerto Rican pops up to his feet and hits a diving clothesline that takes him down! COLE Whether he meant it or not, Tha Puerto Rican just saved Zack Malibu there! Tha Puerto Rican puts the boots to Landon Maddix, kicking him away, while Malibu gets up and takes this opportunity to start climbing the ladder! The crowd starts roaring, and that tells PRL that maybe he'd better pay attention to his other opponent, as Zack is halfway up the climb! PRL rushes over to the ladder and grabs Zack's ankle, yanking him back to the canvas! Tha Puerto Rican takes Zack by the arm and nails a short arm clothesline, then hurries up the ladder while both his foes are down, hoping that they'll be too stunned to block his run to the top! COACH Yes! He's going to do it, he's finally going to do it! COLE So now you're cheering for PRL? COACH Hey, if you gonna back someone, why not back a winner? PRL gets further and further up the ladder, until he's on the next to last step...and that's when the ladder starts to teeter, as Malibu gets up and forces the ladder over, sending Tha Puerto Rican down onto the top rope, crotch first! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LINDSAY COLE Sterilization, OAOAST style! COACH How is PRL going to consumate the marriage now!? Malibu grabs the fallen ladder and folds it up, making it easier to pick up off the mat, while on the floor Maddix roots around under the ring for a second ladder and slides it in! Zack waits on the World Champion's entrance, and swings the ladder at him just as Landon picks up his own ladder, blocking the shot! Maddix runs at Malibu, trying to ram him with the ladder, but now Zack's ladder acts as a shield, and we have DUELING LADDERS~! in the center of the ring! *CLANG!* The ladders collide! *CLANG!* And again! *CLANG!* And finally, after a third attack, Landon's fingers can take no more and he drops his ladder. Zack sees his chance and charges with the ladder. But Landon sidesteps, drop toeholding Zack and causing The Franchise to fall chest first across the ladder he was carrying! Zack rolls over, but not off of the ladder itself. And Maddix capitalises, jumping onto Malibu's chest with a double stomp... then drops out with the back sention, BOTH across the ladder!! COLE Man alive! Maddix crushing Zack across that metal ladder, not once but twice in quick succession! Landon holds the back of his head having rapped it off the back of the ladder, Zack writhing around on the mat holding his sternum. Climbing to his feet, Maddix retrieves the other ladder and starts to set it up in the centre of the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Here we go, come on Landon! COLE You switch horses more than... well, uh... you know, I want to say Britney Spears just to be topical but I think the correct answer would be a jockey. Not as funny as Britney Spears though. With the ladder set up, Landon takes a quick look around before beginning his climb. There had been no sign of PRL at the time. But that's because he was rooting under the ring, coming out with a steel chair in his hands! Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring on Landon's blindside and as the World Champion gets to about halfway up the ladder, PRL measures him and swings the chair... *CRACK!* "YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" ...HITTING LANDON RIGHT IN THE KIDNEYS! Landon just about keeps his grip on the rungs of the ladder, sinking down a little in pain. COLE As if there wasn't enough steel in the ring, that chair put to good use by PRL there. Landon climbs down a step on the ladder obviously trying to get back to safe ground. PRL turns his back on the Champion before reaching up, hooking up Landon's arms and bringing him off of the ladder, into the Che Guevara Special! PRL tortures La Cucaracha in the rack like move for a few seconds, walking around the ringand picking his spot before throwing him up in the "Free Puerto Rico Now!" (Gory Bomb)! The World Champion's face bounces off the canvas, PRL sitting and applauding himself before untangling himself from Landon's legs. COLE And now, PRL heading up... COACH Here we go, come on PR! Looking up at the belt, PRL takes a deep breath, realising how close he could be as he begins his climb. Tha Puerto Rican makes good time up the ladder, with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cheering his every step. But just as he reaches halfway, a clubbing shot from Zack stops him in his tracks. PRL holds his back. And Zack quickly reaches up from underneath, grabbing hold of PR's legs and PULLING HIM OFF THE LADDER WITH A THUNDEROUS POWERBOMB!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" PRL lands high on his shoulders and rolls onto his front, the still winded Malibu falling to one knee. The Memphis crowd show no sympathy though. They just want Zack to climb while he has the chance! COLE We knew the spare man would come into play in this one and it's proving the case. Now, it's Zack, picking his spot. Is now the time!? Pulling himself up by the ladder, Zack starts his climb, powered by the support of the fans. Zack stops periodically to glance up at the belt glinting in the lights. Which might prove his downfall, as over staggers a groggy La Cucaracha. Ducking in the middle of the ladder, Landon lines up Zack through the rungs and throws a punch that lands low. VERY low. Malibu goes rigid and finds himself stuck on the ladder as Landon comes out from the middle. Landon finds his footing and begins to climb the ladder, on Zack's side, behind The Franchise. Getting to a rung below Zack, Maddix reaches up and grabs the head. He tucks, prepares... ...AND PULLS ZACK OFF THE LADDER WITH A LUNGBLOWER FROM AT LEAST SIX FEET UP!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE My God it sounded like a car crash! And it looks like the remnants of one, what a brutal landing for The Franchise! Zack writhers around in utter agony, kicking his legs and grinding his teeth. Landon doesn't look much better off himself though and struggles to get to his feet. COLE These three men are pulling out all the stops to be the top of the mountain, the World Heavyweight Champion. None of these men may be the same after this night is over! Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse! COACH No doubt about it. These guys are only going to get all the more desperate and take all the more risks the longer the match goes too. Up to his knees, Landon sees PRL getting to his feet and quickly pushes the ladder over. PRL doesn't see it coming until it's too late and gets felled by the falling ladder! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" The Memphis crowd get on the Champion's back as he pulls the ladder off of PRL and dumps it aside. Backing into the corner, Maddix then pushes up on the middle rope and gives the signal that it's OVAH~!, time for the Crash Landon perhaps. PRL drags himself up and walks over, taking a boot to the chest before Landon reaches out for hi... NO! European uppercut by PRL, staggering Landon, almost sending him out over the top. COLE Landon is in no man's land now! And... what the hell is PRL doing!? COACH Whatever it is, it don't look good. PRL drags the ladder from off the canvas and wedges the top rung between the top and middle turnbuckles, directly underneath Landon. Megan watches on with clear nervousness as PRL reaches up, delivering an uppercut before reaching up and grabbing Landon by the hair. It seems a simple biel might be the plan as he tries to grab the arm as well. Landon starts to fight though and fires down with a forearm! And another! And another! With PRL's grip broken, Maddix then grabs hold of PRL's head... *CRACK!* ...and DRIVES his face down into the ladder!! PRL rebounds back up momentarily but stumbles, falling across the ladder. Realising that's a bad position he immediately tries to scramble out in front though, as Landon re-adjusts himself on the top rope. Just as Landon's feet meet the top rope and he begins to stand, PRL pulls himself off the ladder, stood at the foot of the makeshift bridge and waiting for the dive... ...Tha Puerto Rican ducks... ...but Maddix soars high, tucking his legs in and extending them on the descent... ...MUSHROOM STOMPING PRL IN THE BACK... *KE - RRAAACCKK!!* ...CAUSING HIM TO FACEPLANT DIRECTLY INTO THE LADDER WEDGED IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Good Lord in heaven! PRL's body bounces violently off the ladder which provides virtually no give what-so-ever in it's position. The Corporate Champion remains laid out, facedown on the ladder, while Landon winds up on his knees in the centre of the ring, slumping back wearily. And as he goes backwards, his gaze wanders upwards, fixing on the title belt in the sky. COLE The World Champion is sensing victory right now. Kicking PRL aside, Landon unwedges the ladder and begins to drag it towards the centre of the ring. Just as he begins to turn around though, he finds himself getting pulled away. Zack, still hunched over holding his back, drags Landon towards him. Maddix stubbornly holds onto the ladder. But Zack quickly wraps on a waistlock, popping the hips and taking Landon over with a German Suplex... *CRASH!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...WITH THE LADDER COMING DOWN ON TOP OF LANDON SECONDS LATER!!! COACH The hits just keep on coming in Memphis! COLE Man, I think BOTH men got trapped under the ladder on landing! That was an ugl... no, wait, Zack is back up! And listen to the crowd! The fans in Memphis roar their approval as Zack gingerly stands back up. Zack takes the ladder from beside Landon, slowly opening and setting it underneath the belt high above. And after a quick positional adjustment, Zack begins to climb! Nursing his back all the way, Zack labours his way, rung by rung, the crowd all on their feet. PRL is still down, laid underneath the bottom rope. But Landon is recovering and crawls over to the ladder, reaching up for Zack's ankle in desperation. The World Champion manages to grab it just as Zack goes to reach, distracting him for a second. He manages to shrug Landon off though and reach again, BRUSHING THE BELT WITH HIS FINGERTIPS! The belt swings agonisingly away. And that gives Landon time to jump up and land with a forearm to the back! COLE Zack is SO close and yet, with Landon on his heels, so far away from another World Championship reign! As Zack sinks down, Landon shifts to the other side of the ladder and begins to climb opposite him. Those that weren't on their feet sure are now as Landon struggles up the ladder, reaching out to punch Zack and keep him at bay while he climbs. Eventually Maddix gets to Zack's level and reaches up, trying to merely beat Malibu to the belt. But Malibu quickly punches him in the gut, causing Landon to teeter... but he manages to right himself. COLE This is dangerous territory. Zack and Landon, high above the ring here with nothing beneath them but gravity! COACH That and a hard ring canvas anyway. Landon regains his balance but takes another right hand from Zack, over the ladder. Taking another step up, Zack then reaches over and grabs a front facelock, looking for a Superplex!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Oh my God. Zack, don't do this! Sharing none of Cole's sentiments, the fans will Zack to do it, perhaps not too wisely. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you see it, Landon manages to fight his way out with some shots to the ribs. Reaching up, Landon then grabs the head, driving it into the very top of the steel ladder! Malibu now teeters, high, high above the ring. Which is when Landon reaches out and tries to put him in a fireman's carry. COLE GTS off the ladder!? COACH If he hits this, we've got a new World Champion. Nobody's going to get up from that, except PR! Zack starts to rain down elbows to fight Landon off though, having to make sure not to fall from the ladder himself at the same time. He manages to fight the Champion off okay though and plants his hand in Landon's back, PUSHING HIM OFF THE LADDER... "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH..." COLE WE'VE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMPIO... ...NO! The celebrations are premature, as when Landon hits the ground he falls into the ropes, getting bounced back off them and having enough where-with-all to bounce back into the ladder! Before Zack can even react the ladder is toppling from Landon's barge, sending it and The Franchise toppling... ...WITH ZACK COMING DOWN THROAT-FIRST ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!! "...OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A groan goes up through the arena as Zack falls to the canvas. Landon falls too, both men hurting, with the ladder laying propped against the ring ropes. COLE Man how close can you get!? I thought the coast was clear for Zack right there, we were seconds away from a new World Champion. But whether by luck of judgement, Landon Maddix managed to topple the ladder and save his title! COACH But now, everybody's down! This is PRL's chance! COLE It's also Landon's chance. COACH Yeah well, he had his shot. I'm backing the winner remember, come on PR, get up! Do it for your Crew, do it for your woman, do it for Puerto Rico, the motherland! All three men are down for the moment, giving the fans a chance for a breather. Not for long though, as Landon wearily pulls himself to his feet. Staggering over to Zack, the Champion simply but very smartly log-rolls Zack out of the ring to take him out of the equation. Landon takes a moment to rest afterwards though. Which allows PRL to sneak up from behind, spinning Landon around and grabbing him for the Latin Slam! Shocked, Maddix gets set for an elbow. But he reacts too late and gets planted with the LATIN SLAM!! COLE Latin Slam! PRL pulls out a big move just at the right time! With Maddix down, PRL grabs the ladder from off the ropes. Instead of setting it up though, he folds the ladder and drops it in the middle of the ring. PRL sports a busted lip now, with a lot of blood running down his cheek. Wiping the blood away, PRL pulls Landon back to his feet. Scooping him up, PRL then places Landon, slamming him right down on the ladder. COACH Oh yes! COLE Oh no. COACH Could it be? Could we see it Michael!? Sure enough, PRL looks up and the fans rise to their feet. PRL removes his elbowpad, spitting on it and throwing it into the face of The Next Generation. He does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps over Maddix, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. PRL then begins to s l o w down, making a jerky belt motion around his waist... and then drops the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, the INTENSEZONE ELBOW! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH The IntenseZone Elbow! The IntenseZone Elbow, the King of Elbows in the city of Kings, the most electrifying move in sports entertainment HISTORY! COLE On the ladder no less! COACH This is going to be the night, I can feel it. Four and a half years PRL has waited for this moment. And now, he's picking his spots. He's using his smarts. This is Tha Puerto Rican's time! After staying down to catch his breath, PRL rolls back to his feet. Maddix gets rolled off of the ladder, which PRL then begins to stand up. Still looking a little dis-orientated, PR takes his time, getting the ladder positioned where he wants it before opening it up and locking the clips in the middle. PRL then looks up and raises the Corporate Eyebrow at the belt above, before beginning his climb. COLE PRL's biggest claim to fame, his year-long 24/7 Title reign, ended with defeat in a Ladder Match. How ironic would it be if he were to win the biggest prize of them all in the same setting here tonight? "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" ("P - R!") "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" Stopping, PRL takes another look up the belt and realises he's too far away. He takes another step but still is just out of reach, cursing his natural lack of height. That's when Zack Malibu rolls into the ring and scrambles over, catching PRL's leg and stopping from making that crucial next step up! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!" COACH AH! So close! PRL tries to kick Zack away, but Zack is up on the ladder behind him, reaching up and popping him in the kidneys. And again. PRL is in trouble now as Zack lands another shot just to be sure. Zack then takes a step down the ladder and wedges his head between PRL's legs, trying to lift him into the electric chair! With a look of fear on his face, PRL hangs onto the rungs of the ladder with everything he has. COLE PRL's got nowhere to go but down here, unless he can fight Zack off! Right on cue, PRL tries to do just that. Zack can't seem to pull PRL off the ladder but PRL can't seem to fight off Zack. Climbing to his feet, Landon Maddix sees all of this and frantically makes a dart for the ladder. He rushes to the opposite side and goes to climb, leaving PRL and Zack to it... but their tussle makes the ladder unsteady enough that he doesn't fancy trying to climb it. So, Landon goes around the other side and underneath his two challengers. Crouching down, Landon then stands so that Zack is on his shoulders... "OOHHHHHH..." ...and pulls him away from the ladder... "...OOOHHHHHH..." ...Zack bringing PRL off two... ...AND GETTING DROPPED BACKWARDS WITH A DOUBLE ELECTRIC CHAIR, PRL GETTING FOLDED ON HIS SHOULDERS AS LANDON CRUMBLES UNDERNEATH THE WEIGHT OF HIS TWO CHALLENGERS!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE AND DOWN GO ALL THREE MEN!! Like a human three-car pile up, they landed so hard they may now be one person! COACH As hyperbole goes that ranks right up there... but still, DAMN that looked nasty! "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" All three men lie motionless as the crowd applaud their efforts to destroy their bodies... and win the belt of course. Having been the orchestrator of the move, it's Landon who gets to his feet first though. The World Champion uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet and looks around, to see Zack also pulling himself slowly up. MADDIX DAMNIT! Cursing that his challenger won't stay down, Maddix moves away from the ladder and crouches, egging Zack on. Using the ropes, Zack gets to his feet and pushes away, towards Landon. And Maddix catches him, hooking the head and hitting the CRASH LANDO... NO! Zack blocks it, wringing out the arm to escape and pulling Landon in instead for the ANGLE SLA... NO!! Jumping out of the move, Landon lands on his feet behind Zack and waits for him to turn around... elbow, DUCKED... *SMA...* ...NO!!! Landon BLOCKS School's Out, spinning Zack around... *SMACK!* ...AND LEVELLING HIM WITH HIS OWN SUPERKICK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE He got him! After week upon week of being on the recieving end, Landon Maddix finally hits the superkick! COACH That's all the convincing I need Cole. Landon's luck has changed at the best possible time, he's gonna do it now! There's no stopping La Cucaracha! Falling to all fours, Landon grins, Megan applauding her man loudly for his success. Maddix pushes off his knees and now turns back to the ladder, ready to climb and retrieve his belt. But for some reason he stops, glancing back at PRL. Landon grins again, this time a little more sinisterly, as he steps away from the ladder and motions Tha Puerto Rican back to his feet. COLE Uh-oh, there may be one more reciept to be paid right here. COACH This is a mistake. I'm telling you, that was Landon's chance. PRL begins to stir and very gingerly starts to pull himself up. Crouching down, Landon waves PRL to his feet, virtually stalking his other challenger. PRL comes off the ropes holding his neck and stumbles, making a slow turn. And when he does get around to Landon, the World Champion comes in with another SUPERKI... ...DUCKED! Landon goes stumbling into the ropes, quickly turning around and going for PRL again. But The Corporate Champion catches him with a boot... *WHAM!* ...AND SPIKES HIM WITH THE CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!!!! COLE CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! Maddix to the well once too often, PRL caught him! And now it may be time! As Maddix stays motionless PRL sits up, with Lindsay running over and hurriedly pointing PRL to the belt, shouting encouragement to her future husband. PRL's eyes light up as he looks at the World Title and he quickly crawls over, pulling himself up on the ladder and beginning his ascent! COLE PRL's going up! COACH Climb PR, climb! You're a few steps away! The crowd start to get behind PRL as he reaches halfway. Or so it seems, until Zack Malibu starts to crawl over and begin inching his way up the opposite side of the ladder! The race is suddenly on and although PRL is ahead, a gritted teeth, grimacing Zack Malibu hauls himself up the ladder with every ounce of energy he has left. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ("P - R!") "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ("P - R!") PRL is still closest and can almost touch the belt, needing to go up one more step before reaching out... ...and coming within MILLIMETRES, before a sudden punch jabs him in the gut from Zack! COLE I thought he had it right there! But Zack Malibu is still alive, he's still in the hunt. He will not. Give. Up! Zack connects on another punch then goes up another rung himself, landing a hard right hand to the head of Tha Puerto Rican. PRL wobbles but fires right back with a right hand of his own! Zack retaliates. So does PRl. And the two challengers are suddenly duking it out at the top of the ladder! Zack. PRL. Zack! PRL! It looks for a second that Zack might fall after that last shot. But after getting his balance, Zack suddenly EXPLODES, firing off five rapid fire slaps to the face from the left and the right... then a THUNDEROUS sixth, heard all around the arena! COLE OH what a shot! COACH No PR, hang on! That's a loooong way down! Shaken by the slap, PRL is suddenly in no position to stop Zack as he looks to the belt and reaches up... ...GRABBING THE STRA... ...NO! PRL cuts him off with a headbutt to the stomach! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Zack doubles over and PRL, looking oh so relieved, shakes out the cobwebs before simply reaching out and shoving Zack... *THUD!* ...SOME FIFTEEN FEET TO THE CANVAS BELOW!!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE DOWN GOES ZACK! COACH PRL! PRL! P R ... *CRACK!* ...NO!!! Just as the fans start to scream, either in approval or dis-approval, for the fact that PRL is just about to grab the World Title, he gets stung by a CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK OF THE LEG from Landon Maddix!! The desperation shot catches PR right in the soft part of the knee and he howls in pain, stopping just inches from the belt to grab his leg. Maddix looks stunned, not just from the landing on his head but that PRL is still on the ladder. And in utter desperation he takes the chair, throws it... *CRACK!* ...CATCHING PRL RIGHT IN THE FACE... *THUD!* ...AND BRINGING HIM CRASHING OFF THE LADDER IN A TANGLED HEAP!!!! COACH AAAHHHHHH! COLE PRL just crashed. And he damn sure burned! He was right there, the belt was there for the taking... but somehow, Landon Maddix just saved his title! COACH And there's nobody left Michael! Wiping the hair from his face, Landon looks around and sees PRL down, sees Zack down... and sees the belt still hanging from the ceiling. Quickly he dives to the ladder and rushes up the rungs, chewing them up on his way to the top. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Landon reaches a safe position on the top and looks up, checking where he is. He then steadies himself and begins to reach up, grabbing the belt and untying the strap... ...as below him, Zack makes a last ditch dive... ...his hand hits the ladder... ...BUT IT'S TOO LATE!!! COLE HE DID IT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Maddix has the belt! Somehow, someway, Landon Maddix has RETAINED his title! What a match! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this match... and... STIIIILLLL, ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORRRRRRLLLDD... LLLLAAAANDON! "LA CUCARACHAAAAAAAA!"... MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Stood on the second to top rung, Landon cradles the belt in his arms and lays across the top of the ladder, relief washing over him. Zack looks up from the bottom of the ladder and holds his head in his hands as in rolls Megan behind him, grabbing the bottom of the ladder and holding it steady to help her man down safely. COLE An incredible effort by all three of these men. But in the end, lady luck was finally on the side of Landon Maddix! We thought PRL had won it when Zack came crashing from the ladder, it looked like he was out of sight. Until, that is, he took a chair to the knee, chair to the head and a fatal blow to his latest challenge for the World Title. And Zack... well, just INCHES away from preventing Landon grabbing the belt right at the death. Safely off of the ladder, Landon raises the belt over his head with one arm, with Megan next to him keeping him on his feet. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You can't take anything away from that man Michael. He is the World Heavyweight Champion and he showed us why tonight. I backed him all along, I knew he'd do it! COLE You were backing PRL most of the match... COACH I said I was backing the winner. And by golly if Landon wasn't the winner! COLE You really are unbelievable. Megan holds the ropes open and helps Landon out of the ring, the Champion still cradling the belt in his arms and barely able to manage a celebration. Entering the ring, Lindsay Gonzalez kneels next to PRL and tries to comfort her man who is barely moving. Zack is sat in the corner meanwhile, watching down the aisle as Megan raises Landon's arm and Landon raises the belt in kind. COLE That is the sight that few were expecting. Zero Hour was to be the toughest test of our Champion's credentials. And with the odds stacked against him, Landon Maddix leaves Memphis, Tennessee, STILL your World Champion. From The Coach, this Michael Cole saying good night. We will see you this Thursday night in Tupelo, HeldDOWN~!, all the fallout from an incredible night of action at Zero Hour. Don't you dare miss it! COACH HOLLA! FADE TO BLACK

While we wait for our next segment to be setup we're shown an outside view of the arena COLE Right now, let's send it up to our MC for the evening, Tony Schiavone over on the other side of the arena. Take it away Tony! Pan across the crowd and over we go to where the Interview Stage would normally sit. Instead though, rather than a stage, a pitch. A mini carpet of astroturf has been laid out across the arena floor to the left of the stage and a set of goalposts stands in front of one section of the Memphis crowd. Tony Schiavone stands, microphone in hand, next to referee Jimmy Korderas, with a whistle in his mouth. SCHIAVONE Okay, thank you Michael. We are down here, 'pitchside', ready for our special 'Penalty Shootout Challenge' to determine who is the 'Greatest Briton', Nathaniel Black... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE ...or Jamie O'Hara. "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Now, before we get to the rules, let's bring out the participants. First of all London, England's... NATHANIEL BLACK! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro, before the doors part and out marches one grouchy Englishman, Nathaniel Black. Black raises his arms in the air, generally shouting his mouth as he jogs down the steps at the side of the stage. Wearing the blue of Chelsea FC, Black places the ball on the penalty spot and shakes hands with the referee. SCHIAVONE And now, he is Birmingham's own "Birmingham Bad Boy"... JAMIE O'HARA!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" The pumping beats of "Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal pound through the arena and through the sliding entrance doors swaggers Jamie O'Hara. The Birmingham Bad Boy jaws away at no-one or no-thing in particular as he marches down the steps. O'Hara, in the red of Arsenal, looks set to square up to Black until the official steps in. SCHIAVONE Okay, we have our contestants and we're proud to welcome our special goaltender for th... BLACK That's Goalkeeper, ya stupid Yank twat! SCHIAVONE ...sorry, goalkeeper, ladies and gentlemen USA and Fulham's own KASEY KELLER! The non-football enthused crowd give the fly-in stopper a kind reception, mainly because he's American. But it's a kind reception nonetheless. Keller takes his position in goal but before we can go any further, Black has taken the microphone. BLACK Alright, before we go any further, I gotta say somethin'. First of all, I want you to explain these rules so even these ignorant Yanks can understand 'em. It ain't rocket science and it ain't some convoluted crap like 'American Football' but I wanna make sure everybody knows just how badly I'm beatin' this scrawny little arsehole next to me. And speakin' of which... what the 'ell are you wearing!? I thought you were supposed to be the 'Birmingham Bad Boy'? Now, I know these people don't, so I'll explain. This shirt, this Arsenal shirt... Arsenal are a London club, yeah. An', seeing as you ain't from London, that makes you nothin' but a glory hunter! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK Shut up! You don't know what's goin' on, you're just booin' for the sake of booin'. O'Hara, this is exactly my problem with you. You ain't got no heritage. You sold out on your 'ometown to support the Arsenal, just like you sold out on bein' English to be a wannabee Yankee Doodle! I'm surprised you ain't out 'ere in that LA Galaxy shirt, givin' it the 'yeh, we love the soccer maaan' like these bandwagon jumpin' trogladites in the US! Again O'Hara and Black are kept apart by the referee. BLACK You know what, it don't even matter. Just get on with the rules. Black 'hands' the microphone back to Schiavone. SCHIAVONE Okay, well, each man will get a maximum of five attempts from the spot. The goalkeeper cannot encroach off his line, the player cannot make contact with the ball more than once and rebounds will not count, it's one shot and one only. Best score after ten penalties wins, or if one man gets an unasailable lead then he will win. In the event of a tie after 5 penalties each, we will go into Sudden Death. With that said, let's get the shootout underway with the coin-toss to determine who will get first rights. The coin is flipped and Black calls out 'Heads' before O'Hara can so much as open his mouth. Sure enough, it comes up heads and Black wastes no time in deciding he wants to go first. SCHIAVONE Okay, Nathaniel Black up first, Nathaniel... Telling O'Hara that he's going to 'show him how it's done' as he walks past him, Black lines up the already stationary ball. Taking a couple of steps back, Black then composes himself, steps up... ...and blasts it right down the middle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK O - - - - 1 O'HARA - - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Okay, Jamie, you're up next. O'Hara gets the ball back from Keller and places it confidently enough. The fans try to show some enthusiasm and get behind him as he takes a longer run-up than Black and places it to the right... ...SAVED! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK O - - - - 1 O'HARA X - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Okay, after one penalty each, the score 1-0 to Black and your chance to make it 2-0 Nathaniel. "Oh, I'm gonna" is the confident announcement from Black as he steps up. Placing the ball, Black jogs backwards and locks eyes with Keller. The whistle goes and Black slowly jogs in... ...arrogantly chipping the ball dead down the centre of the goal and getting royally embarrassed as Keller stands his ground and catches the ball like a gift. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Black hangs his head in embarrasment, wiping a hand across his face as O'Hara walks past him smirking. BLACK O X - - - 1 O'HARA X - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Uh, Nathaniel, not what you had planned? BLACK He came off his line. Trust the ref not to see it. All blind bastards, every last one. SCHIAVONE Okay, that said, Jamie... O'Hara wastes no time and strikes his penalty, this time with more power... ...and sends Keller the wrong way, scoring to his left as the keeper dives to the right! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X - - - 1 O'HARA X O - - - 1 Black looks pissed as he places the ball ready for his penalty. He points a finger at Schiavone and warns him to 'keep his gob shut' as he just waits on the whistle. No such arrogance this time, as Black instead blasts his third penalty... ...right over the crossbar! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X - - 1 O'HARA X O - - - 1 Luckily the fans behind the goal have the sense to catch the ball rather than get hit in the face, which might not have been fun for the OAOAST lawyers. The fans throw the ball back for O'Hara as he looks to go ahead. SCHIAVONE Okay, Jamie, on the whistle... O'Hara sets... ...and scores again, again to the keeper's left! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X - - 1 O'HARA X O O - - 2 Black glares at Kasey Keller as he's waved on to go next. Black takes his time and asks the referee to hold up, dropping down to tie up his bootlaces, complaining that that was the problem with his last two attempts. But his continued stalling annoys referee Korderas and he blows his whistle, reaches into his pocket and BRANDISHES A YELLOW CARD!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK WOT!? KORDERAS Deliberate time wasting, yellow card. BLACK This is a shootout, not a full game! You can't book me! KORDERAS No backchat Black. Any dissent you'll get a second and you'll be off. "SEND HIM OFF!" "SEND HIM OFF!" "SEND HIM OFF!" Black angrily marches away... ...and proceeds to blast his penalty right at Keller! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X X - 1 O'HARA X O O - - 2 SCHIAVONE Okay Jamie, that means if you score this, it's all over. Good luck! Placing the ball on the spot, O'Hara jogs back, kicking up his heels and... ...coming to a stop as FAQU and JAMES BLONDE have invaded the pitch! O'Hara yells at the duo to get out of the way, which is the opening Black needs to sneak up and cheapshot O'Hara from behind with a forearm! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE HEY! What the hell! COACH Alright, something that isn't boring! Black, Faqu and Blonde all suddenly put the boots to O'Hara as Keller and Schiavone shifted off backstage by security. The trio beat down O'Hara a little before Faqu and Blonde sit him up, dragging him onto the six-yard line in front of the goal. Grabbing the ball again, Black then places it on the penalty spot and backs up as O'Hara is held in place. O'Hara tries to struggle free but can't escape Faqu's grip, as Black charges in... and POWERS A SHOT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOAL, STRIKING O'HARA CLEAN IN THE FACE WITH THE LEATHER BALL!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... COLE This is reprehensible! This goes way beyond bad sportsmanship, Black knew he was going to lose so he launched this attack, three on one! And O'Hara is out cold! COACH Yeah but, what a precision finish, huh? As O'Hara lies flat out on the astroturf, Black stands over him yelling abuse. Blonde joins in too, Faqu standing and snorting as Black drops the ball on O'Hara's chest and raises his arms over his head. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh yeah, real tough! That's what makes a 'Great Briton'!? A three on one beatdown!? Black, Faqu and Blonde finally walk off, leaving the beaten and bruised O'Hara still laying in the goalmouth. The crowd boo away as Black stops at the top of the steps, looking back down at the makeshift pitch and grinning from ear to ear. COACH Well, look on the bright side Michael. At least now, O'Hara's like his hero, David Beckham. COLE A rightful winner of a soccer match? COACH No, injured! HAHAHA! COLE Oh come on! Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop Sultry Lurid Provocative Steamy Enter the erotic world of Los Diablos with their new 2008 poster calendar available exclusively at OAOASTShop.com Smile

The arena lights are dimmed, creating an erry atmosphere for the proceedings, as the only illiiumunation comes from a spotlight that hangs onto a ring based Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for the One and Only World Tag Team Title Champions! This match is scheduled is for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Let's meet the challengers. Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees As the soft rock hits of three decades ago ooze into the arena, the camera pans out to reveal an annoyed audience, many of whom are giving hearty thumbs down to the incoming team. When the view returns to entrance way, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew are already on stage, further irritating the crowd with their overconfident swagger. Grinning in arrogance, Rico works his pornstache, gazing out through the crowd for a glimpse at Memphis' hotter wrestling fans. Soul is only slightly more focused on business, making the “belt” motion with one hand, while picking out that bad ass fro with the other. After he's certain the fro has achieved its penultimate styling, he tosses the pick over his shoulder and struts to the ring. BUFFFER Introducing first from New Orleans, Louisiana, standing six feet two inches and weighing in at one hundred eighty eight pounds, he is SWEET LUCIUS SOOOOULL! And his partner standing at five feet eleven inches, weighing two hundred twenty five pounds, from Rio De Janeiro, he is The King of Mardi Gras, RICO DE JANEIRO! Together they the MARDI GRAS HOME WRECKING CREWWWWWW! After their name is announced the pair exchange a handshake so elaborate it had to be stolen from the Oakland A's locker room. COLE The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew suffered a terrible loss this past Thursday on HeldDOWN, defeated by Rescue 911. I wonder if that still weighs heavily on their mind? COACH How can it not? Rescue 911 has only won two matches this year, and one of those wins has now come against The Wrecking Crew. Plus, they don't even know if Rescue 911 is gonna come down at some point and return COD's favor. Despite Coach's claim, the only thing that seems to be on Soul's mind is women. Namely the women in the front row, who each get a Playa's Card card courtesy of the Smooth Soul Bro. Of course each Playa's Card is discarded to the floor immediately after he leaves, but he doesn't notice that, too busy pimp walking his way down the ramp. Rico remains ahead him, firing himself up the steps and onto the ring apron. Eagerly, he bestows his beads to ladies in the first several rows. However, he's sadden to receive no bared breasts in return. COLE Well, The Wrecking Crew have quite the task ahead of them, looking to pull of an upset for the One and Only World Tag Team Titles. As HI-YAH tag team champions, they were able to fend off both The Rockers and The Gunslingers over the summer, so they do have that feather in their cap. Additionally, they were the last team to be eliminated in the scramble cage match to crown first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. But the team they ended up losing to is their opponents for this evening. Eazy Lover fades into nothingness replaced by the standing audience pumping out chants of , C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! The enthusiastic cheerleading chants of Avril's smash hit, ushers in even more enthusiastic chants from the sold out crowd, as a waterfall of pink pyro dives in front of the jumbo video screen. Its sparks are splashed along the stage, when its tagged by a fresh geyser of red pyro . That serene pairing is then overpowered by the dominant thunder that comes from the golden pyro wall that takes over the entry way. COACH Gah! I hate that part! My ears! Coach's ears may be in critical condition, but his eyes are sent to heaven by the splendid image of Krista Isadora Duncan standing between the swirling of pyro haze. A white deep plunging criss crossing teddy, can scarcely hold her mind boggling breasts, as it falls into a mini skirt that's kept open sided to let the gazes of viewers feast on her award winning legs. COLE Its been quite the year for COD, and you can join Krista in chronicling her time in the OAOAST and much more, on In the Life with Krista Isadora Duncan this Tuesday and Wednesday on Logo. Whipping up a storm of faux fur, Alix happily skips the entry ramp across, leaping onto the forboding Hummers to further launch the hollering fanbase into an ecstatic frenzy. The roving pink and red spotlights hit her rocking body, highlighting a perfectly rounded BUTT framed by a pair of white booty shorts, and expansive cleavage that stretches taut across thin fabric of a white halter top. Out of sheer luck alone, Krista is able latch onto her hyperactive partner, and still her into tight but loving embrace. Alix turns over her shoulder and blows a cute kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. BUFFER And the champions, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, also from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are four time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! Hand in hand, the girls merrily skip down the ring apron, making certain to point out a row of lesbians holding up a twenty foot banner that reads “WE LOVE COD” in huge sparkling red letters. COACH Hold up, why isn't it “In the life with Alix and Krista” on LOGO? Aren't couples supposed to share? What's mine is your's, and what's your's is mine? That's shady spotlight hogging behavior on Krista's part. Once they reach the ring, Alix runs her fingers gently up and down Krista's arms, before slowly massaging her back until she reached the slender shapes of her hips. She boosts Krista's onto the ring apron, then coolly reclines against it, soaking in the love of the crowd. Krista uses her prize winning legs to caress the excitable brunette's tingling body. While Ally loses her self in her pleasuring touch, Krista shoots a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. COLE Folks, we are set for another tag team extravaganza here at Zero Hour, The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking aiming for their first OAOAST title. DING DING DING The contest begins with a lockup between Alix and De Janeiro. Given that Rico may outweigh Alix by well over a hundred pounds, he has little trouble in overpowering her into an arm lock. She quickly sinks to her knees in hopes of being able to flip him with a fireman's carry. However, this effort meets with failure, as Rico uses her huge wrist bands to simply tug on her arm even further. Thusly Alix is required to stand upright. Her escape efforts continue, when she rolls back first onto the mat. Before De Janiero knows what's what, Ally's fur coated boots are kipping her upright and allowing her to snatch him into an arm wringer of her own. The pressure on The Brazllian's arm is intense and drops him to his knees, where he hollers in agony. Yet, he's able to compose himself quickly enough to spring to is feet and drive his yellow boot into Ally's bare tummy. The thudding blow shatters her grip, which permits him to coil his hairy arm around her neck for a headlock. Her brown locks spill across his arm, as he roughly attempts to twist her head from her body. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans sing. The Hollywood Bad Girl makes a mighty effort to shove Rico and his vicegrip away. But fails to overcome his massive bodyweight. So, she's required to engage in a bit of playground trickery. “Uh, Mister Helsinki, sir....” “De Janeiro!” “Woah, am I way off. Uh, yeah, your epidermis is showing.” Indeed, Mister Square Pants, and Mister Star, indeed! Monstrous erection bulging through your two sizes too small tights=okay. Mysterious, unclear body part exposed=bad. As such, Rico releases Alix to cover up whatever the hell an epidermis is. Unfortunately for him his epidermis continues to flap gracefully in the gentle autumn breeze, as Ally whips him into the cables. When he returns he scores a measure of revenge by bowling over Alix with a shoulder block! COACH Rico doesn't get much love here in the states but down Brazil, he's one of the countries heroes. The women's soccer team likes to rub his mustache for good luck. Sprawled on the mat, Alix's frayed body feels as though its been smacked by a runaway bullet train. To buy herself some recovery time, she tries an old trick. “Uh, Mister De Janiero, got it right this time, your epidermis is showing.” But Rico won't fall for the bait this time. He takes off to the ropes, in order to build up steam for a crushing body splash. But as he returns the perky babe rolls onto her stomach in an attempt to trip him up. But Rico has this tactic well scouted, and leaps over her elongated body to continue hustling to the ropes. Alix again rolls over, but fails to note that Rico has clutched onto the ropes, locking himself in place. Because of this she's a prime target for his knee drop. But to the audience's delight, their gal rolls out the way. To Rico's utter dismay, his knee is shredded by the collision with the rock hard mats. COLE Not an auspicious start to this match for the Wrecking Crew. Spurred on by his agony, rather then crippled by it, Rico instantly springs to his feet, and delivers an elbow into her toned midsection. With Ally easily subdued by the attack, De Janeiro has little trouble in grabbing onto the strings of her underized tube top and leading her to his corner. He slaps the outstretched hand of Lucius Soul, which earns an annoyed groan from the sold out audience. However its Soul who groans the loudest, as when he enters the ring the culinary sensation flings him overhead with a Japanese arm drag. Quickly, he scurries back to his feet to put himself on the attack, but finds himself once again hurtling through the air courtesy of another arm drag. Despite good judgment telling him to do otherwise he stands right back up. And of course he gets thrown right back down with a third arm drag. This time he lands in front of his corner, and he's wise to take advantage of this position by smacking a stunned Rico on the chest for a tag. Though De Janiero has zero desire to renter the ring, the threats of disqualification give him no choice. And so he obliges the official's demand, but does so only to tag his distressed partner back into the fray! Soul vehemently protests this latest tag, but is silenced by Hebner's promise to make good in his DQ warning if they make one more tag. “YOU'RE A PUSSY! YOU'RE A PUSSY! YOU'RE A PUSSY!” the fans informer “Sweet”. “Actually, he's a Virgo!” Alix helpfully comments, which leads the fans to chant “YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN! YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN! YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN!” Annoyed with being made into a verbal punching bag, Soul tries to assert his toughness on Alix, by shooting her into the corner posts. But the buxom centerfold reverses the hold, and its the smooth soul bro who endures a rough collision with the turnbuckles! As pain solidifies around his back, Alix charges forward, throwing her sleek figure into the air for a high angle bronco buster. While, this would be a welcome move for about 99.9% of the audience, Soul strangely moves out of the way, leaving the champion to impale herself atop the rignposts! COACH Why the hell you gonna move on that move of all moves, my brother? Dude, ain't thinking straight. Throwing away all rules of tag team etiquette, De Janeiro sprints down the ring apron and applies a sudden tag to his taxed comrade. Before Soul can even figure out who just hit him, the middle age gigolo is scrambling up the top ropes to join the crippled champ. COACH One high risk move coming up! Rico's bucking crotch and purring lips pay his respect to her bewitching beauty. But the gesture earns a round of boos from the audience, and a round of punches to his flabby gut from an irked Alix. The South American superstar manages to subdue the fiery lass by trapping her into a front facelock. His chubby fingers weave into her booty shorts, and she's brought into the air for the makings of front superplex. The roaring audience implores her to escape, even as they're both flying through the skies. The California hottie answers their calls in the most painful way possible, slipping free of Rico's grasp and hammering him with a diamond cutter! Rico's body brutally snaps off the canvas, and immediately a torrent of profanities streams from his now bleeding mouth. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Alix flashes her army of adoring fans a peace sign and beauty pageant worthy smile. Fortunately for Rico, her moment of distraction allows him to roll his busted bones to the outside mats. The burning agony in his neck, coupled with the taunting front row audience members, beg him to throw in the towel and head to the comfort of the lockeroom. But, Soul rushes to his side, attempting to get him to stay and finish the fight (YAY Halo 3!). Above their conversation, is the shooting star press of Alix Spezia, her body whirling so fast it blurs to near invisibility. She flips through the air between them, one arm slicing through Soul, the other cutting down his cowardly partner. Pain chains up their bodies, and screams explodes out their mouthes as they're brought to the canvas, to the immense joy of the sold out audience. COLE Oh my! Unlike these fans Alix isn't satisfied with the horrid condition of her challengers, and points to Krista to deliver the death blow. The fans share Alix's longing and appeal the blond bombshell to head to the top rope. COACH Get this match under control, Hebner! As Krista clambers to the hight of the ring, the OAOAST senior official tries to do just that, demanding that she dismount her perch by yelling, “you're not the legal woman!” “I'm not the legal woman? Ah, the cry of lady justice rings both true and harsh! I will ponder your words, good pilgrim, but they are the kind of poignant mist you blanket yourself in on long hikes in the moonlight and breezy summer days at the lake. The Gettysburg address, The I have a dream speech, all written by great leaders, all as fading as the morning's dew when compared to your oratory. I will take your words to heart! So simple, yet profound. There is much to think about this day. For us all my friends, for us all. For now, get the hell out my way, you pissant twerp, I wanna do a crazy ass flip.” Stripped of his power by Krissy's sarcastic diatribe, Hebner can only watch with the awed fans as she rockets herself through the skies with a death defying corckscrew moonsault press. The sounds of cameras clicking, and fans screaming floods around her descending frame. But its the pitiful cries of the victimized Wrecking Crew that finally fills her ears, as her body pulverizes them into dust on mats! Their bodies are reduced heaps of abused bones, barely able to do much more then wonder how they got in this miserable predicament in the first place. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” COACH Crazy! This isn't the NBA, there shouldn't be any superstar treatment in the OAOAST! If the illegal person goes out of their way to first disrespect the official, then attack the opposing team, a DQ has to be made. Rules gotta be enforced universally. Never one to miss a good photo-op, Krista tantalizes the array of photojournalists with a splendid buffet of delicious cheesecake poses. Elsewhere, Alix lifts Soul's carcass from the canvas and deposits the brutalized challenger into the squared circle. She follows him in, and is joined by Krista, who's covergirl smile has been replaced by a mischievous grin. Faced with four time tag team champions looming over him, Soul's prospects for survival appear much bleaker. In celebration of their grand showing, Ally flips a cute kiss towards her lover. Krissy catches it on her hand, then tenderly “tucks” it away down her shirt, before her blood red lips replay the sweet gesture. Alix snatches the kiss from the air, but instead of gently attaching it to her cheek, the receiving hand darts downward, it's palm smacking the aggrieved pimp dead in the face! The audience heartily applauds a move that nearly swells Soul's eye shut. COLE Ouch! Looks like Soul's gonna be wearing sunglasses at the afterparty. Sadly for Soul, he's yet to endure the last of COD's painful treachery. Alix's beautiful legs are taken into Krista's arms, and soon her entire body is raised into the sky. Floating in midair, Alix rocks the devil horns, and playfully growls towards the cheering audience. The end result of the move is much less cute, however as Krista dumps her girlfriend extended elbow onto the challenger! Hebner and the fans count the ensuing pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Soul powers out the fall with shocking authority, launching Ally's thin figure into the air as he does so. The high-strung Latina lands on her fuzzy boots, but the sudden movement robs of her balance. As such, Soul is able to roll to his feet, and aim a leaping head scissors at her. But Alix catches onto his skinny legs, and uses them as a base to shoot him downwards. Before he can properly brace himself for the move his body is marred by her crowd popping spinebuster! Figuring that being able to finally spinebuster someone is worthy of celebration, Alix busts out the headbanging... ALIX Still bobbing her head to a tune only she can hear, Alix skates towards the black cables. She leaps into the air, and situates her legs onto the top rope for a split legged moonsault. However, a recuperated Rico De Janeiro hauls ass to her location, and grabs onto a wad of fur on her boots in order to flip her into one way collision with the mat. To his infinite dismay and the crowd's glee, the SoCal tomboy is able to land on her feet. As the fans resume chanting her name, she blasts some hot Polka beats on her air accordion (don't ask). Unfortunately her moment to play Polish songtress has distracted her from the evil pimp within the ring. He capitalizes on her preoccupation, by sneaking behind her, and dropping her to the canvas with a side Russian leg sweep! “Lucius Soul, 504, Strictly Pimpin, bay-bay!” he bellows, earning a bevy of jeers from the sold out arena. Whimpering in agony and pawing at her sore back, Ally drags herself off the canvas. Her rise is greeted with slimy fingers snaking their way through her curled hair, trapping her in their disgusting grip, and forcing her into Wrecking Crew corner. She only hears Soul make the tag with Rico, her vision tumbling into a blur, as he snapmares her to the canvas. She feels his presence backing away, but gets no moment for respite, as he returns with a whiplash. Even more painful is the slingshot elbow drop, his partner drives into her sternum! Instinctively, she rolls to the center of the ring, unable to do much more then grimace in the face of the awful pain. Rico stalks her path, and when she no longer has the strength to continue rolling, he drops onto her for a pin... ONE! TWO! But Alix lifts her shoulder off the canvas, bringing forth a large cheer from the audience. Slowed by the crippling pain in her neck, Alix picks herself upright. But immediately she's pounced on by The King of Mardi Gras, who throws her over with a hiptoss. Despite her wounded state, she comes down on her feet, and turns the tables onto her foe. Her arms trap his with a half nelson, and soon his entire two hundred twenty five pounds are being tossed through the air by way of a face crusher. His bearded chin bounces off the canvas, loosening teeth, and causing the crowd to scream in joy. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Almost silencing the chanting fans is the authoritative but concerned voice of Krista, screaming “Alix, come over here and tag me!” Used to being bossed around everywhere BUT the ring Alix responds with, “Sho thang, massa! Can I also dance fo' u and yo' white friends? I's entertain you's fo a bucket a chicken pleeaaaseee! Please share yo' delicious chicken, mistah whiteman suh! I's dance fo' you!” “No, just a tag will do for now.” Grumbling to herself, Alix applies the tag to her bossy girlfriend. COACH Someone ain't getting any tonight. Just as soon as Krista enters the ring, she's forced into a lockup by Rico. Using his strength advantage, the burly Brazilian shoves the celebrity fitness guru into a neutral corner. The second they arrive in the location, referee Hebner reminds the aggressor that he has five seconds to break the count. In an unsual show of good sportsmanship, De Janeiro ends his hold at two. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising after all, as he now slams several boots into Krista's ripped stomach. Thanks to her abs of steel, Miss California is able to brush aside the pain, and fight back with thudding kicks to his knee that send him hobbling back towards the center of the squared circle. But Rico ends her flurry of strikes with an elbow smash that lands painfully on her beautiful face. She recoils a bit, but doesn't go far, as the king of Mardi Gras grabs onto her wrist and puts her on a run to the ropes. He lowers his head, arrogantly assuming she'll be foolish enough to run into his stringy mullet. As she owns two master degrees from Stanford and UCLA she ain't that stupid, and instead takes to the skies, where her high heels flick downwards to stab through his neck with a double stomp. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Rico rolls to his feet, and quickly goes back on the attack by firing off a big boot. However, Krista snags onto the green and yellow shoe, and throws it back to the canvas. The violent counter yanks Rico off balance, and he teeters backwards. His seconds of disorientation work to her advantage, allowing the beach bunny to leap onto the third rope and dazzle her worshiping crowd with a majestic springboard moonsault press. Rico tries to slide out the way, but his attempted avoidance does more harm then good, and Krista's arm slashes through his neck, pushing them both to the canvas! Krista isn't quite finished wowing the audience however. With The King of Mardi Gras a battered wreck on the mat, she shows off her Balanchine worthy ballet skills with ten amazing pirouettes. Once her swan lake worthy routine is completed, she takes to the skies and comes down across her rival's body with a 450 splash! Hebner counts her resulting pinfall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Rico rips his shoulder from the canvas well before the three, but that doesn't stop the crowd from chanting “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” Seeking to squash Kris' growing momentum, Lucius darts into ring brandishing a lariat. But he's the one who gets squashed as Krista effortlessly cuts him in half with a Spear! Floored by that one single attack, the smooth soul bro rolls back to the apron a beaten man. Finished with her Goldberg impression, Krista moves into her Sharikia impression, waggling her booty into the hearts, minds, and erotic Internet novellas of viewers worldwide. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Able to recover thanks to his comrade's diversion, De Janeiro strikes at Krissy with a raised knee. She deftly sidesteps the attack, but fails to avoid the elbow smash that follows it up. More concerned with the possibility of having to cancel her next photoshoot then losing the match, Krista fails to prevent Rico from overtaking her with a gutwrench suplex. The second she crunches into the canvas, Rico's hairy figure is floating over for a pinfall. ONE TWO But, Krista escapes the fall, garnering a large pop from the Tennesseans. Both competitors rise to their feet at the exact same moment; Rico aiming for a forearm smash, Krista a hurricanrana. It's the vicious vixen who wins this brief exchange as her long legs lace around his neck and flip him to the canvas with the highflying move. No sooner then the nausea sets in does Miss California bring the South American to his feet for a more lethal attack pattern. A left hook booms onto his face, leaving him open for the right cross that scrapes across his jaw. Staggering, a third punch bounces his head like a teether ball. Thankfully for him, Krista yanks a Revlon Compact mirror out her top to remind herself that she in fact the best looking woman in the world. Turning her attention back to Rico, earns her a knee to the gut from the skirt chaser. “WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE!?!” He hollers, voice dripping with sleaze. The women of Memphis seem to prefer their men boyishly smooth, and instead chant “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” to the disliked heel. Rico stuffs Krista into a standing headscissors. Not one to waste having a beautiful woman jammed between his legs, he lustfully swivels his hips, before hauling her up and over his broad shoulders. His hands go underneath her armpits in preparation for the crucix powerbomb known as the Mustache Ride. But Krista makes a last ditch to evade the lethal finisher. “Wait! You can't give me a Mustache Ride, remember!” “Why's that, sweetheart?” “Because we both f'n worship the ballsiest rock band of all fuckin time, the Jefferson Starship! You can't powerbomb another Starshipmate. That's treason. Come on, and rock it with me, Rico!” Obliging his love for the treasured band, Rico sings, “We built this city! We built this citaaaaaaay, on rock and roooooll! We buuuuuuilt this citaaaaaaay We built this city on rock and rollllllll! Built this citaaaaaay! Built this citaaaaaaay, on rock and roooool.........Wait a second, sweetheart, Rico hates Jefferson Starship!” By time Rico realizes his distaste for the greatest band ever, Miss California is already worming free of his hooks. Angrily, he twirls his body to floor her with a discus forearm, but finds himself thrown onto the defensive, as she Irish whips him away. When he returns to her position, she springs upwards, and lashes her five hundred dollar heels across the back his head with an enziguri! As the crowd belts their approval, and a disgusting smacking sound travels through the ringside microphone, Rico twists to the canvas, the life all but drained from his bearded. face. The easy, breezy, beautiful, covergirl covers his remains for a pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! But the crowd's voice counts faster then Hebner's hand, and De Janeiro kicks out mere moments before the three count. The poster boy for tougher immigration laws rises to an unsteady vertical base, eying a much needed tag with his partner. However the fitness queen halts his bid for freedom, by whipping him into a neutral corner. The paunchy brawler calls upon a remarkable show of agility to avoid a collision with the ring posts, pressing his hands onto the second rope and thrusting his body into the air. Unfortunately all this counter means is that Krista has little trouble in driving an uppercut into his face! As the onlookers holler their approval, De Janeiro's ruined body and bruised face plummets into the canvas. While he begins a futile effort to crawl to his corner, Krista fluffs her gorgeous hair. After the foxy mama finishes reminding us she has the best hair in the OAOAST, she rolls towards Rico, uncoiling her slender body into a gruesome double stomp aimed squarely at his testicles! “OOOOOOH!” COLE I sympathize with Rico, many men have rushed to have their testicles removed after a night of smoking hot passion with your's truly. Pain. Distress. Hurt. Agony. Misery. Woe. Anguish. There are no words in the English dictionary to describe how Rico feels now that his testicles have been reduced into a fine liquid by Miss California. While he contemplates his future as a eunuch, the Hollywood hellcat scales to the top turnbuckle. But before she can execute any high flying stunts, she has to make sure her lipstick is perfect. So she digs into the turnbuckle pads, pulls out her lip lacquer, and splashes herself into a moment of beauty and pampering in the middle of a tag title match. Once she conjures up the perfect lip shine, the vain starlet screams off the turnbuckles with a 630 splash. Rico makes a weak effort to move away, but is far too slow, and Miss California crashes down onto him in a pinning situation! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Rico scrapes his shoulder off the mat, deflating the crowd's enthusiasm. Still dizzied he heads upright where Krista is ready to meet him with a spinning back kick. However, he counters her flexible strike by striding forward and smashing his forearm into her head. Wishing to push his luck no farther with Miss California, De Janeiro retreats to his corner to allow Lucius Soul back into the contest. COLE Lucius Soul one of the many colourful characters you'll see in the OAOAST, and one of the many colorful characters you'll hope to never see again in the OAOAST. After angering the audience with his juking and jiving on the ring apron, Soul enters the bout with a yakuza kick. But the champion rolls bellow the speedy attack, and he's involuntarily rushed towards the ropes. That would be harmless enough were it not for Alix skipping down the ring apron, grabbing onto his snakeskin boot and crotching the jive time pimp on the orange cables! Soul's shrikes are immediate and constant, blaring like a fire alarm right belongside the cheer of the crowd. Bored over not having done anything for the past five minutes, Alix basks in her moment in the spotlights by getting in an audition for the next season of Celebrity Rap Superstar, “B-O-O-S-I-E. B-A-D A-Z-Z. That's me!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” the fans respond. “Red bones caramels all of em stop and stare all of em try and steal my underwear!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” “Like to floss like Rick Ross got a hit called set it off when I sing it errybody set it off!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” “I F-O-R-G-O-T T-H-E W-O-R-D-S T-O T-H-I-S S-O-N-G!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” While Alix struggles to recollect the words to elementary rap songs, Krissy elevates herself onto the top rope, then slams her shoes in Soul's skinny chest with a dropkick. The pain of being struck by the high flying attack can scarcely register in his mind, before Krissy traps him into a jackknife pin... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Soul lifts his shoulder off the canvas at the last possible microsecond. “BOOOOOOO!” Soul begins to step upright, but a swift basement dropkick kiboshes that ascension. The attack rocks his neck from side to side, and sends the overwhelmed playa rolling away in pain. Krista, breathing bloody murder, closes the distance between her foe with three lanky steps. Reaching down and taking hold of his oversized afro, she grins, ready to pull him up for more punishment! Rightly fearing the safety of his legendary fro, Soul desperately swings his elbow upward, connecting with Krissy's well toned abdomen. While his nauseous enemy tries to avoid vomiting her Slim Fast Milkshake, Nawlins' favorite son builds up speed on the ropes, foreshadowing his infamous pounce. But his trademark move never comes to pass, as when he nears, she cuts him down with Triple H-esque high knee lift! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The crowd pleasing move pushes Soul backwards, causing him to be tangled within the tentacles of the ring ropes. Not wishing to give him a moment to fight for his freedom, the busty beauty darts forward, looking to blast him into the next time zone. However, “Sweet” works his way free quickly enough to counter Krista's advance into a back body drop that threatens to throw her from the ring. The audience holds their collective breath, thinking that the match is about to come to a nasty end for our heroine. But Krissy's flawless landing on the ring apron allows them all a sigh of relief. Not partaking in the fans joy, a suddenly furious Soul blindly charges her position. But Miss California shoots her knee through the cables to halt his attack. Stricken with agony, Soul is left doubled over and helpless. Krista takes quick advantage of his momentary confusion; she flings herself back into the squared circle, and tries to drag him down with a sunset flip! The crowd readies themselves to count along with another pin, but are kept quiet once Soul tightens his bony fingers around the second rope! COLE Resourceful counter right there for Lucius Soul! Beads of sweat rocket off Krista's face as she exerts a herculean effort to overcome Soul's resistance. The crowd starts to sing her name, trying to will her the strength to achieve her goal. But the Louisiana native clutches onto the ropes for dear life, making Krista's efforts wasted ones. Even worse, he soon goes on the offense and drills a punch directly towards her face. Not wishing to have her nose be splattered across the ring, she slides through the brawler's legs, narrowly avoiding his fist! “YEAAAAAAA!” Soul recoils in astounding pain, spewing profanity in every direction. But he quickly channels his anguish into anger, and sends a punch hurtling towards Krista! But the traffic stopping blonde counters by flashing this card at her foe, But Soul is hip to this game and responds with a card of his own! SOUL With Soul KO'ed by the irrelevancy of Al Sharpton to mainstream America, Krissy attempts another pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But “Sweet” manages to squirm his shoulders off the canvas. “BOOOOOO!” All out of comedy spots and playing cards, Krista allows her girlfriend back into the contest. The capacity crowd welcomes the culinary sensation into the bout with fabulous ovation. Lucius, however, welcomes her into the bout with a leaping sidekick. Alix expertly handles the descending missile by stabbing her leg into his thigh with a superkick. The odd counter sends the pimp twisting through the skies, and its through sheer luck alone that he manages to land on his feet. But that luck quickly fails him when Alix wipes him out with the True Life: I just got Beat up By a Girl (STO). “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” After flashing a peace sign to her cheering fans, Alix goes for a pivotal pin... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Soul escapes another pinfall. No longer interested in playing punching bag for the champions, Soul pounces upon Alix with a front facelock. Stunned by his resurgence she only mounts a weak effort to fight back as he brings her to her feet. He throws his right arm over his head, takes a firm grip of her skimpy shorts, and hoists her up... before spiking her into the canvas with a vertical suplex! He quickly rolls back to his feet, bringing Alix with him, only to drive her back down with a second suplex! Alix breaks free of Soul's grip, but does so only to grab onto her aching back and cry out in misery. COLE Not much to look at it, not much to get excited about, but if you execute a vertical suplex properly, it can be one hell of a hold. Apparently two vertical suplexes are enough work for Lucius Soul, because he breakdances his way to Rico, and slaps his comrade's outstretched hand. With Rico's unwelcome reappearance into the contest, the chants of “DEPORT RICO!” return to the forefront of the arena. Rico doesn't bother debating his citizenship with the hateful audience, instead he lashes at Alix with a pair of disdainful stomps. He then drags the former 24/7 champion off her feet. Alix's body sags downwards, crippled as a result of the snap suplex, and The King of Mardi Gras senses the makings of victory are near. With a treacherous grin capturing his twisted features, he thrusts Ally into the ring cables. Then as the brunette comes sprinting towards him he lunges for her legs, smacking his shoulder into her right knee The four time tag team champion emits a heart wrenching cry of pain as she flops forward. But Rico allows her no rest for her weary bones, wrenching her back upright. The loathsome grappler snares her into a tightly held double underhook, and pulls her farther away from her corner, so that Krista will have zero opportunity to rescue her. Once he's assured that Krista is clearly out of the picture, he dives backwards and crashes Alix's skull into the canvas with a double arm DDT! Smiling through gold teeth, Rico hooks Alix's far left leg, and Hebner moves into position for the count. ONE TWO But Alix escapes the pinfall well before the three, robbing Rico of his first OAOAST tag title reign. While the fans around him cheer the pin escape, Rico's beady eyes shoot daggers at the slow counting referee. COLE The Wrecking Crew have to keep their head in the game. Getting distracted is how they lost to Rescue 911. COACH No, Krista's breasts are how they lost to Rescue 911! De Janiero cocks his hand around Alix's neck, and shifts her slumped body fully upright. She mounts an uphill war to sway momentum to her side, batter-ramming her tensed fist into his chubby stomach. However Rico stills her mutiny with a punch to side of her skull. With her head ringing louder then a cathedral bell, he angrily slams her face into the nearby turnbuckle pad. The impact generates a terrible sound of metal on bone, that brings worried cries from the spectators and Krista. Ally clutches at the side of her stinging forehead, longing for a timeout. But the Brazilian icon shows no capacity for mercy, and replays the move. Once again the callous sound of metal on flesh screeches along the venue, running hand and hand with her own shouts of despair. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! Miss Spezia paws at the side of her head and staggers back, bewailing in affliction. Her rival trails her retreat, reveling in the prospects of causing her more suffering. He once again assuming a hold on the back of Ally's neck, this time with two rough hands. With a deep throated snarl, he once again collides Alix's head into that top turnbuckle. The rotten heel then fires her off into the ropes. Shortly after bouncing off, Alix regains enough of her wits to attempt a counter attack. She turns her body backwards, and thrusts herself into Rico, wrapping her legs around his waist in a leg scissors position. She tries to drag him into a pinning situation, but De Janiero latches onto her legs then lugs her into the air for a wheelbarrow suplex. But The Hollywood Bad Girl staves off the disastrous hold with ease. She rotates her body at the height of her ascension so that she's able to face her challenger and tangle him into an aerial facelock. The perky hottie dips backwards, ready to splatter his brains across the canvas with a DDT. But De Janiero circles his arms around her slender waist, and uses his superior strength to paste her on the canvas with a Northern Lights suplex! Violent tremors assail her body, as the referee counts the resulting pin... ONE TWO Alix kicksout! “YEAAAAAAA!” Rico is unable fathom how his suplex only scored a two and attaches another icy glare onto the vexing official. Begrudgingly he sets aside his qualms with Hebner to grab a chunk of Ally's vibrant hair and lead to her feet. He tangles the helpless maiden within the ring ropes, leaving her body exposed to any manner of violent assaults his devious mind can concoct. His move of choice is a basic but deadly running avalanche. But The Hollywood Bad Girl has no wish to be flattened by a a sex crazed South American and makes moves to counter the attack. As he nears she draws her fur coated boots into the air, smacking him under the chin, and loosening several of his gold plated teeth. As a side effect of the counter, she's flipped over the ropes, and onto the ring apron. Acting with great speed, she fires a shoulder block towards Rico's plump gut to set up a sunset flip. But he side steps the strike and returns fire with a palm strike across her back. The blow weakens poor Alix significantly and permits him to effortlessly take her into a front facelock. The champion desperately reaches onto the ropes for some protection against the strike. But it's to no avail, and Rico succeeds in torpedoing her skull through the canvas with another DDT! Now totally in the driver's seat, Rico celebrates the only way he knows how, by stroking that porn stache. Stroking it long, and stroking it hard. “BOOOOOOO!” Ignoring the crowd's lack of love for his 'stache, Rico once again uses Alix's flowing locks to haul her upright. So weakened by the continual assault on her neck, she offers little resistance to De Janeiro roughly shoving her into Wrecking Crew corner. But as a closed fist comes screaming towards her face, her fighting spirit is suddenly renewed, and she pelts him with a roaring elbow! Soul doesn't go unscathed either, swatted to the mat with a single swipe of her hand! The fans pop for Soul's mistreatment, and only grow louder as their sweetheart peppers De Janeiro with a string of knife edge chops. With Rico's mind dazed, and his chest inflamed by the chops, Alix quickly traps him into a side headlock in order to setup the stratusfaction. But as her quirky footwear situates itself onto the ropes, its caught by a recovered Soul, who has every intention of hauling out of the ring and possibly out of the match. But Soul's evil schemes are no match for Alix's agility, and she twists him off the apron with a headscissors before crashing De Janeiro into the canvas with the stratusfaction! While Soul and Rico are left to wallow in their hurt and aggravation, the fans explode with humongous cheers. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Spurred on by the song of the fans, and Krista's pleading voice, Alix begins the arduous trek across the ring to her corner. But the clammy feel of Rico's coarse hands tightens around her calf, making what was once a difficult journey a near impossible one. Despite this Alix continues to valiantly struggle towards her waiting partner. But her efforts are for naught, as with one mighty lunge backwards, Rico sucks her whimpering body back into the Wrecking Crew corner. Tangling her leg between his hand and ankle, he reaches back to tag Soul, and gruffly demands a double team. Though Hebner sternly warns against it, Soul performs a break dancing twirl that leads into a leg drop across Alix's throat. As Rico departs the ring, and Alix fights for fast fleeting breath, Soul goes for a pin... ONE! TWO! THREE! But Alix kicksout, and the fans are absolutely ecstatic! COLE We almost saw new champions. A changing of a title would certainly make things very chaotic in the tag team division, which has been unusually stable this year. Having failed at his every attempt to hold Alix down for three seconds, Soul choses to submit her out of her tag title. His thin arms snake around her throat, robbing her of breath with passing second. Held towards her own corner, all Alix's blurry eyes can see is the frustrating distance that separates her from the salvation of her partner. Hebner drops to his stomach, asking Alix if she wishes to throw in the towel. The answer is an emphatic shout of "No!", a defiant statement that leads the Louisianan to further wrench on her neck. LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! the audience chants, as Krista beats her palms against the turnbuckles. His repeated wrenching of her neck, pulls and strains Alix's ligaments, and her strong statements of survival are replaced by shrill wails of torture. Her arm lightly flaps at her side, barely able to muster enough strength to weakly elbow him in the rib cage. As he feels the life being drained from her near lifeless body, Soul assumes the end is near, and multiplies the pressure of his hold. The ref detects no signs of life from the fan favorite, and lifts her arm into the sky. The limb plummets downward, filling the apron based Rico with great anticipation over his first OAOAST title victory. The senior official raises the arm once more, and again it droops to her side COLE One more drop and we'll have new champions! Up goes the arm, and up goes prayers and wishes from the audience, who plead with the lord above to will Alix through the devastating submission move. Their desires and dreams are answered, as Alix somehow manages to keep her limb elevated! "YEAAAAAA!" A look of stupefied furor warps Soul's visage. But all the grousing and complaining does nothing to change the fact that his efforts to choke Alix out of her title reign have failed thus far. Her fists are clenched into tiny balls, desperately leading her charge to freedom. Emitting deep throated growls, Soul wrenches back repeatedly, tugging on the head in a frantic attempt to subdue the Californian. But the plucky underdog refuses to give up, and her jelly legs expend great energy to push her to her feet. Inching upright, Alix is wondrously close to a standing position. A fact that does not go unnoticed by her rival! His worried eyes dart towards Rico for assistance. De Janiero answers the call for help in a truly despicable away; brazenly storming into the squared circle, and rifling his boot into her face. The magnificent blow rips Ally away from the deadly submission hold, but deals tremendous damage to her face, and leaves her a quivering heap of flesh and bones on the ring floor. Hebner tries to admonish Rico for his tactics, but the Brazilian will hear none of it, retreating to his corner with an unapologetic grin. "BOOOOOO!" the fans jeer, as Krista cusses and howls over the cheap shot. Amid the hate tinged chaos, Soul tries another pin for his squad. ONE! TWO! Krista can't stomach her anger any longer. The blond bombshell darts into the ring, and baseball slides the pimp off her petite girlfriend. The astounding momentum of the crowd popping strike, shoves Soul into his corner, where his dark skin is slapped by his associate. Ignoring his partner's complaints over the unwelcome tag, Rico focuses himself on the task of pulverizing Alix. Taking hold of her trembling wrist, he leads her to her feet, and launches her at the cables. The ropes return her into an elbow strike that shreds at her skull and rips her from her feet. She yells in rage and pain, thrusting a smile of intense gratification onto his face. Offering her no moments to recover strength, Rico yanks the champion upright. His hand flicks out in a knife edge chop, tearing apart the fabric of her teeny-tiny tube top. He cocks his arm to deliver another flesh searing strike, but his offense is grounded to an abrupt halt when a chop explodes across his pecs. Four more chops terrorize the now bloody flesh of the challenger, giving birth to a rousing ovation from the audience. More motivated to protect his shredded flesh then effort any sort of attack, The King of Mardi Gras dispatches his rankling rival to the ropes. This tactic grants him a three second reprieve from her onslaught, but when she returns she reintroduces him to a world of hurt, pummeling him with a dropsault! "YEAAAAAA!" Both competitors plunge downwards, rocking the ring with their extraordinary impact. Instantly the crowd, and Krista undertake the task of motivating Alix, chanting her name and stamping their feet in unison. However it's the despised villain, Rico De Janiero who gains first movement. Even in his weakened state, the veteran has enough wits abut him to block Ally's path to freedom. As her exhausted bones slog their way past the pain to stand upright, the "smooth soul bro" sneaks into the squared circle. When she stands fully erect, he charges forward, intending on flattening her with his pounce. But thanks to a quick glance towards the scoreboard, Ally spots her rapidly approaching foe and dives out of the way! Unable to put the breaks on in time, Soul slams into the fleshy figure of his aghast partner, hurtling them both backwards. Both gladiators land with a thud, a sound that brings smiles to the faces of fans worldwide. With Soul and De Janeiro hindered by their ineptitude, the bone tired Alix makes the long coveted tag to Krista Isadora Duncan, then promptly falls backwards in exhaustion. "YEAAAAAA!" The noise level of the fans for the tag is enormous, and scales even higher as they witness Miss California lacerate Soul with a springboard dropkick! Rico, apparently oblivious to the cheers of eighteen thousand people, enters the ring thinking he's still dealing with the distressed Alix. Imagine his shock, when his partner once again careens into him! Pain curdles onto his face as he's thrown into canvas, joined by a large cheer from the audience. A dazed Soul has the misfortune of remaining upright, and thusly puts himself directly in the line of fire for more of Krista's drubbings. The former HI-YAH tag team champion is tossed into the ropes, and encounters her lowered head as he returns. But his long legs leapfrog over her frame, and he twirls around to floor her with a punch as she rises. But he soon finds he's a victim of a dangerous trap, as Miss California nails him with an inverted atomic drop! He clinches onto his busted pork n beans, and wails in treacherous anguish, as the crowd hoots and hollers over his misery. The audience is then treated to further pleasure as the fitness queen's superkick annihilates his youthful face. COLE Krista's Great California Adventure! For Krista, a great adventure would be achieving that sexy, back from the beach hair after wrestling for the twelve minutes. So, leaving Soul to collect this teeth from the canvas, she retreats to the turnbuckle posts to dig out a travel size Fredric Fekkai texturizing hair spray. With no regard for such pedestrian items like tag time titles, the OAOAST's top model happily lathers herself in the marine botanical mist. COACH Who...who..who's putting all these beauty products in the turnbuckles for her? Quit enabling this woman! With Krissy preoccupied with the most important thing in her life...herself, Rico capitalizes on her distraction. He bounds to the second rope, with the intention of crushing her with a springboard cross body block. But as he dives upon her like a South American bird of prey, Miss California tilts her bottle of hairspray upwards and sprays the mist like a can of mace. Unable to defend himself against the unique tactic, the blinded grappler can only holler in fright as he crashes and burns into the canvas! “YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT! YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT!” COACH Where's the disqualification? That's what I wanna know? You hit someone with a steel chair, you get disqualified. You hit someone with a sledgehammer you get disqualified. But you blind someone and we point and laugh? The blond bombshell pays tribute to the original blond bombshell, Marilyn Monroe, by mimicking her "Updraft" pose, placing her hand to the middle of her skirt, crossing her knees, and flashing an irresistibly embarrassed smile into the camera. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” For once Krista actually pays a price for her vanity, as Soul sneaks behind her to roll up into a pin! ONE COLE Could this be it? New champions? TWO THREE! But, Alix destroys the pinfall, scoring a massive cheer from the audience for efforts. Unfortunately all she scores from Soul is a standing fireman's carry in prelude to the Fro 2 Sleep! COLE We saw this against Rescue 911! Yet, Alix avoids the grizzly ending that comes hand in hand with The Fro 2 Sleep, thanks to Krista yanking her from the shoulders of their opponent! The fact that his shoulders are minus a sub-150 pound lesbian barely has time to register in his mind before the GLAAD tag team of the year pulverizes him with pair of Triple H style high knee lifts. He's thrown to the canvas, with agonized cries spilling out from the corners of his mouth. Krista and Alix begin seizing on their rival brutal stomps. But he succeeds in rising to his feet past their torrent of kicks, but this only puts him in a far worse situation as California honies launch him into the corner. He smacks against the posts with a booming thud, too exhausted to effort any sort of escape. Taking advantage of his weakness, Alix charges in with a lariat. Needless to say a lariat from a bulimic woman doesn't exactly bring much hurt to Soul's world. But the pain begins to stack when Krista follows Alix by slashing her bare knee into his face! As a cut on his head begins to ooze gobs of blood, Ally lies on the mat, and Krista takes hold of her shapely legs. Krissy falls backwards, lifting Alix into the air, and shooting her towards their rival. Soul tries to evade his approaching attacker. But the sweat in his eyes causes him to misjudge her movement, and a shoulder block rips through his boney stomach! C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! The girls have no time to celebrate with the audience, thanks to De Janeiro diving upon them with an axe handle smash! They easily side step his descending bomb, causing him to harmlessly sail past. His landing is less then admirable, and he disgracefully tumbles forward where he ties himself up in the ropes. Fortunately, he doesn't remain in that embarrassing position for very long. Unfortunately that's due to Alix and Krista dropkicking him out the ring! “YEAAAAA!” shout the fans who'd rather see him dropkicked out the country! Figuring that Krista can handle Lucius on her own, Alix follows the haggard Brazilian to the outside. Slowly, and painfully, as though each breath rips away hunks of his flesh, Rico rises to his feet. But as he stands, he's met with the thrusting kicks of Alix Spezia, acting as mindless machines of slaughter to cut him down. Unable to stomach much more of her strikes, he nails her in her exposed stomach, and uses her moment of weakness to foist her into a gorilla press position. However, the adorable Latina shifts her way free of his hold, catching Rico into an elevated front facelock. She curses him with a nauseating 360 twirl, then dips backwards to spike his head into the ring mats with the Sucker Free DDT! This leads to an outpouring of applause from the fans, that only adds to Rico's fast mounting headache. Meanwhile in the ring, Lucius Soul has managed to overpower Krista into a standing fireman's carry. The fans, who were consumed with joy for Rico's misfortune, turn hatred at Lucius, and beg Krista for an escape. But their wishes go unfilled as her stunning features a driven into the point of his raised knee! “BOOOOOOO!” COACH Fro 2 Sleep, Krista Isadora Duncan! And wake up to a new world ruled by new One and Only World tag team champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! The crowd senses the same thing as Coach, and prepares debris to hurl into the ring after Buffer's official announcement of the new tag team champions. Smiling broadly, Soul prepares to usher in this hellstorm of heat as he drapes his arm across Krista's lifeless body.... ONE! COLE Come on, Krista! Kick out! TWO! But Alix has situated herself atop the ring apron, and like any man with a fully functioning penis, Soul's intrigue is risen. With her back to the ring apron, Alix endeavors to raise a whole lot more then intrigue. Unless you refer to erections as intrigue, then I guess she's really pnly raising intrigue. Her jiggling and grinding booty brush aside his thoughts of winning a tag team title, and pushes them all towards getting his hands on the sweet caramel colored ass that lies behind . Tongue nearly hanging to floor, Soul creeps to Alix, and we can thank the good camera men for showing him from behind in order to hide the pants bursting results of his constant gaze at the delectable BUTT in front of him. Oh, Lucius Soul, you, sad, but lovable dupe, when will you learn, that when a lesbian taunts you its not because she wants to make you her sappho-daddio, its because she's looking for an excuse to smack you in the face? And that's exactly what Alix does, her hand cracking out to knock the aroused pimp tumbling back! “YOU GOT PIMPED SLAPPED! YOU GOT PIMP SLAPPED!” Caught off guard by the sudden turn of events, Soul tumbles towards the ground, falling in front of Krista Isadora Duncan. But, the Krista he left is far different then the one he returns to, as she now dangerously wields a pair of garden shears. SNIP! COLE Oh my! While a sizable chunk of Soul's vaunted fro is still tumbling to the floor, its assailant pleasures herself and the roaring audience by removing another huge hunk. COACH That has to be a DQ! The worried screams from Lucius Soul have more to do with his rapidly disappearing hair then the fairness of outside weaponry. His cries plead with his giggling tormentor to cease her actions, but only motivate her to take another snip! “CUT HIM BALD! CUT HIM BALD!” the fans and Alix sing. KRISTA COACH You can't! You can't! I wouldn't wish the mental anguish of being bald on anyone! Its worse then the Holocaust! Realizing that he's running close to losing the one item that defines him, Soul performs the only action he can think of to get out of this unbelievable predicament, he taps out! The audience instantly comes off their feet with cheers and applause for COD's victory, as Hebner shrugs his shoulders and calls for the bell. COLE Our tag team champions aren't ones for typical wrestling conventions, and I sure as heck don't think I've ever seen anyone win by submission through haircut! COACH That's because if you bring in an outside object, you get disqualified. Again, Chicks Over Dicks get to play with a different, more lenient, rule book then anyone else. And Krista's a fitness instructor, not a barber, she coulda killed a brother with them things. Soul cringing, shrieking with shred, still finds some hope in his heart that this all a fantastically awful nightmare, that he's not staring at the fuzzy remnants of his mangled hair, that he didn't just throw away his best chance at becoming a tag team champion. Until he hears, “THE WINNERS AND STILL ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS....” “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” the now standing audience chants. Desperate, and helpless, he rolls over onto his back, his smooth demeanor invisible, nearly brought to the point of tears. The girls don't seem to concerned with his plight , instead bounding across the ring to meet each other in their arms. Alix swings Krista around, smiling as Krista showers her forehead with kisses in celebration of another successful title defense. COLE Another successful title defense in a very successful year for our champions. And don't forget to try out Miss Spezia's Sweeties' brand new Denise Richard's Peanut Butter Sprinkle Cookies. Forget joint custody, just give me my damn kids. Available at grocers everywhere. They're delicious!