Patty O'Green

We're taken to the OAOAST ActionZone, where Maggie Nerdly, sits on top of the ACTIONDesk, sipping on 7-11 big gulp because even our backstage staff gets thirsty. MAGGIE What's up ya'll, Maggie Nerdly, your girl on the scene reminding you to bounce your firefox on over to OAOAST.COM after the show is over, for a poppin Zero Hour edition of Afterparty. We're gonna see just how the hell they construct the chamber of hell, see how Landon Maddix spent his night before the pay-per view, and do some Nashville style bullriding with the Nerdly girls, me, Melody, and Molly! Make sure you check it out, only at OAOAST.com! FADE OUT OAOAST Halloween Spectacular The Freaks Come Out October 31st COLE Folks, that's right on Halloween night, the OAOAST will present to you its first ever Halloween Spectacular. The first in a long line of many seasonal sports entertainment spectaculars! We'll be broadcasting from Daytona Beach, Florida and we have more tickets going on sale this Saturday. If you'd like more information on the Halloween Spectacular, please visit our website or keep watching OAOAST HeldDOWN every Thursday night on the TSM network! COACH Ain't it fitting that the Halloween Spectacular postergirl, Melody Nerdly, is about to get treated to a major league Halloween scare courtesy of the Heavenly Rockers? HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team attraction is scheduled for one fall. Now playing, COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the “GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time“...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! Ethic slurs and a chorus of boos greet the aforementioned trio, including a purse-swinging granny who manages to knock the cowboy hat off Col. Abdullah’s head! COACH Talk about walking into hostile territory. The Colonel may need to hire the services of CPA before the night is done, Cole. COLE There might not be much left of the Heavenly Rockers once Holly and Melody are through with them. "Another Body Murdered" kicks up and the Angels of Death turn it up a notch, bursting onto the stage to a thunderous ovation. BUFFER Their opponents, who tonight are fighting for their honor and pride, MELODY NERDLY and HOLLY-WOOD…THE ANGELS OF DEATH~!! “YYEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Holly and Melody go around the ring slapping hands and talking trash. Then, as the girls round the corner to climb the steel steps… * BOOM * …Col. Abdullah CLOBBERS HOLLY ACROSS THE BACK WITH A STEEL CHAIR! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” MELODY COLE That no good, dirty rotten son of a…! How could he do such a thing? The man has no morals! COACH Hey, if you want to fight with the men, expect to be treated like one. The ringside area becomes swamped with officials and EMTs. Col. Abdullah orders his team to destroy Melody as Holly is loaded onto a stretcher. Logan Mann is happy to oblige, grabbing an unsuspecting Melody Nerdly by her hair and drags the blonde beauty inside, knocking her unconscious with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COLE Oh, no! COACH She’s out and out cold, Cole. The match was over before it even begun. All Logan’s got to do is cover her and it’s off to the showers. * DINGDINGDING * The Heavenly Rockers have other ideas in mind, however, as the bell official sounds. At the Colonel‘s urging, Synth and Logan punish Melody some more. Mann smacks Melody around to wake her, and then stomps her hard in the chest! The men from Sin City make a tag and suplex Melody, which Synth follows with a SECOND ROPE ELBOW DROP! ONE… TWO… NO! Synth lifts Melody’s head off the canvas and slams her in the center. Logan is tagged in and he comes off the top with a DOUBLE KNEEDROP ONTO THE HEART OF MELODY! ONE… TWO… But only two, as the Heavenly Rockers once again break their own pin! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The fans are livid and I don’t blame them. What’s going on right now is sickening. I strongly urge referee Charles Robinson to stop the damn match. Another tag is made and Logan power bombs Melody as Synth descends from the heavens with a leg drop! COACH Electric Melody! A perfect way to cap the night. ONE… TWO… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd is damn near ready to riot, figuratively speaking of course, as Synth decides to roll off and tag out. Just when all seems lost… ABDULLAH “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …HOLLY-WOOD reappears with OAOAST officials begging her to return backstage. COLE Holly’s come to even the odds! COACH She’s in no condition to wrestle, Cole. It’d be morally wrong to let her compete. COLE Since when did you start giving a damn about morality? It’s her choice. Holly’s pent up her frustration with Logan long enough, and she gets to help her friend in the process. Set-up for a double Percussion DDT, Melody falls to her knees and delivers a pair of desperation LOW BLOWS as everyone is too busy staring at Holly! COACH That’s a disqualification! Robinson wasn’t out of position, he’s playing favorites! With the crowd behind her, Melody weakly crawls to her corner… “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and makes the tag, but Charles Robinson is distracted by Logan‘s cry for help. Of course it’s all a ruse to prevent the referee from seeing the tag. As the referee tends to Logan, Holly stuns fans worldwide by DDT’ing Melody! * COLLECTIVE GASP * COLE What the hell?! No! Holly exits as Logan leaps to his feet and places one foot on Melody‘s chest. COACH Oh, my God, Cole, it’s a miracle! Not only did Holly see the light, but Logan was healed! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Disgusted by the shocking turn of events, fans bombard the ring with debris as Holly-Wood assaults Melody. COLE Holly, you were supposed to be her friend! How could you!? PERCUSSION DDT leaves Melody flat on her stomach. Then Holly comes face to face with her estranged husband Logan Mann…and the two HUG! COACH What a Kodak moment, Cole. Husband and wife together again. Randy Savage and Elizabeth got nothing on Lolly. I’m starting to tear up. COLE I want to throw up. A 4 on 1 beat down ensues until LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO make the save with the aid of a pitchfork and rhinestone belt. Words are exchanged but not much else as OAOAST officials do an excellent job defusing the situation, escorting the Heavenly Rockers backstage. COLE We haven’t seen Los Diablos since they were assaulted by the Heavenly Rockers weeks ago. Thank God for them or this could have turned ugly fast. But it all makes sense now -- Holly refusing to train for the match, saying she gets everything she wants no matter what. Like the Heavenly Rockers were of the Lone Star Gunslingers popularity, Holly-Wood was jealous of Melody. She must’ve concocted this whole scheme. COACH Jealous? You got to be kidding me! Melody was a hanger-on. She must’ve drove Holly crazy with her geeky attitude. COLE Melody’s a unique taste, no doubt about it, but she didn’t deserve this. Holly’s shown her true colors and its bitch yellow. LANGUAGE MISTER COLE. LANGUAGE! The OAOAST Event Tracker is bought to you by Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get October 4 - Tupelo, MS (SOLD OUT) October 11 - Kansas City, MO (SOLD OUT) October 18 - Columbus, GA (SOLD OUT) October 25 - Orlando, FL (SOLD OUT) October 31 (Halloween Spectacular) - Daytona Beach, FL (A HUNDRED TICKETS TO BE RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC THIS SATURDAY)

The crowd goes CRAZY as the lights go out and the Chamber lowers from the ceiling, showered by strobes. COLE And the chamber is being lowered down! It is time! The Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH Oh boy, this is exciting, Cole! I can't wait for the action to get underway! And more importantly, I can't wait to find out who the sixth man is! Each man's solo graphic zooms into the screen, comin' RIGHT ATCHA, with white flashes in between. Strutter! Thunderkid! Alfdogg! Brock! Stevens! The mystery man! COLE Well, that's great to know, because right now, we're going to show you a little historical video concerning this match! COACH Well, hurry it up! Backstage, Felix Strutter is seen pacing. COLE And Coach, the champion looks to be nervous! COACH Well, wouldn't you be in a match like this? Felix grabs the briefcase, stares at it for a few seconds, then heads to the ring with it. COACH What could that briefcase mean, Cole? *cut back to ringside* COLE I don't know, but Michael Buffer is in the ring, and THAT means it's time for the match! COACH YEAH, baby! COLE Do I make you horny, baby? COACH ... COLE ...let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Invitational Chamber of Hell match, for the OAOAST Heartland championship! *crowd roars* BUFFER Allow me to explain the rules. The six participants received their order of entry by way of random drawing, and in just a few short moments, I will introduce our six participants. Four of the participants will start the match inside the 8x5 steel cells. The cells will then be risen into the air until they reach the top of this chamber, whose roof stands 24 feet from the floor! The other two participants will start the match inside the ring. These two men will do battle for five minutes, at which point one of these cells will be lowered from the ceiling of the Chamber, and another man will enter the battle. This pattern will continue until all six men have entered the battle. Eliminations may only take place via pinfall or submission, and the one man remaining at the end of the match will be the OAOAST Heartland champion! ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Memphis, Tennessee...ARRRRRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYOU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYY????? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Memphis, and the millions and MILLIONS watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! COACH This is it, Cole! It's time! *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! Chris Stevens walks through the curtains, attired in short, ripped jeans and a sleeveless white OAOAST shirt. He is pushing a shopping cart full of various "toys." COLE And Chris Stevens with a big win in a Fatal 4-way ten days ago on HeldDOWN~!, and you've got to think he's got some big momentum! BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...weighing in at 221 and 1/2 pounds...this man is a former OAOAST Heartland champion, a former OAOAST 24/7 champion, and the former leader of Chris Stevens, Incorporated (CSI)! Ladies and gentlemen, from Rochester, Minnesota...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSS SSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE You heard Michael Buffer mention a former Heartland champion, everyone in this match has held the Heartland title at least once. COACH But we don't know about the mystery man! COLE Well, we're finally going to find out in a few minutes! Stevens stares up at the Chamber, then enters. He stops the cart at ringside, then grabs a cookie sheet out of the cart, which contains a thin forearm pad completely covered in thumbtacks, and takes it inside with him. He taunts some ringside fans, then poses in the ring, to boos. God of Thunder hits, and TK makes his way through the curtains to a big pop. COLE And here comes a former two-time Heartland champion, and look what he's got, Coach! TK, attired in black jeans and a white sleeveless shirt, is pulling the Radio Flyer wagon, containing the CACTUS~! COACH Oh, no! Not that damn cactus again! BUFFER Making his way down the aisle...he weighs in at an even 251 pounds! He is a former two-time Heartland champion, as well as a former OAOAST North American champion...a former member of the famed Deadly Alliance...from Green Bay, Wisconsin...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE They're going to pull out all the stops in this one, and you remember the cactus coming into play in this match a year ago, as well as just last month at AngleSlam between TK and Felix Strutter! TK rolls into the ring, and poses on the buckles. He then examines Stevens' cart as Stevens protests to the referee. Magnum Opus hits, and a mixture of cheers and boos results, as Alfdogg comes through the curtains. COACH Alf's got the flannel on, and you know that means business! BUFFER Coming down the aisle, weighing in at 240 1/2 pounds...a man who is truly one of the all-time greats of the squared circle. The winner of the first two Heartland Invitational Chamber matches, and a former THREE-TIME holder of the Heartland title, as well, as the former leader of the Deadly Alliance. Introducing, a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf is pushing a large grey trash bin full of weapons. He is also carrying a bottle of Grey Goose vodka in his right hand. COLE Alf's brought a LOT of toys to the party, it appears! COACH And it looks like he's gonna get drunk while he waits to enter! Alf pushes the bin through the door, then grabs a medium-sized bag out of it. He walks around the ring, stopping to show his bottle to the camera and say "this is the good stuff, baby!" COACH That's right! And it ought to be, that bottle he's got has to be about 60 bucks! Alf sets his stuff under the ring, making sure the others aren't looking first, then climbs onto the apron, then up to the second rope and poses, drawing a mixed reaction, before hopping into the ring. COLE And of course, Alf has won both of the prior two of these matches, as we've stated over the past few weeks! "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, as Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtains to a big pop, doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. COLE Another two-time Heartland champion, and the biggest man in the match! COACH And he said "You bring the weapons, I'll bring the pain that they administer!" BUFFER Making his way to the ring, he weighs in at 293 and 3/4 pounds...one of the most fearsome individuals walking the earth today. He is a former World Six-Man tag champion, as well as a former two-time holder of the Heartland title. Ladies and gentlemen, from Victoria, Minnesota...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock walks into the Chamber, and hops onto the apron, as pyro shoots from the corners and center on top of the Chamber, as well as the ringposts! COACH WHOA~! Brock climbs into the ring and does his Dance, while staring down all the other combatants. COLE Is he ready for this match, Coach? COACH I'm gonna say yes. Je t'adore, je t'adore... COLE Is THIS man ready for this match? Girls, Girls, Girls hits, as boos fill the arena and the lights go out, with Felix Strutter coming through the pink light in the entryway. BUFFER Coming down the aisle...he weighs in at 218 and 1/2 pounds...in his first Chamber match, here is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...from Thunder Bay, Ontario..."AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Strutter is carrying a spool of barbed wire in his right hand, and the briefcase in his left. COLE I'll tell you, Felix saw something in that briefcase the other night, and this is not quite the same confident look that we normally see from him! COACH I've got to agree Cole...I don't want to count the guy out, but I just don't like what's in store for him in this match! Strutter rolls into the ring, attired in torn blue jeans and a white sleeveless shirt with a Canadian flag on it. He poses with the belt while standing on the bottom rope and holding onto the top rope with his left hand. His music stops. COACH Well...we're about to find out who the last man is! The music stays out for several seconds, then the "cage lowering" music (the one that plays when the WWE lowers their cages) plays as the camera cuts backstage, where a pair of white tennis shoes are seen headed towards the ring area. COLE Here he comes! As the shoes, which are accompanied by the cuffs of a pair of black jeans, head closer to the ring, we cut back out to the arena. The crowd starts to boo. COACH Oh, come on! Stop teasing us, you swine! Who is it? Suddenly, Anglesault appears on the AngleTron via his office. ANGLESAULT Ladies and gentlemen...it's time now to find out who the sixth participant is. Felix...the briefcase. Felix, standing in mid-ring as the other participants stand behind him, holds the briefcase in his arms. He looks down at it, then looks back up at the AngleTron. ANGLESAULT Open it up...and you'll get your answer. Felix reluctantly opens the briefcase, at which point the bright light shines once again...coming from lighttubes, which line the cover and bottom of the briefcase! COLE Those are lighttubes, Coach! There is a red "X" across each set of lighttubes. COACH You don't think... ...then the lights dim, and the fans ERUPT. The lights then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. COLE Listen to this place, Coach! Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” COACH Oh, this can't be... The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! COLE I'm not believing this... BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the sixth and final participant... A figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. COACH WHAT THE FUCK??? COLE IT IS!!! BUFFER From South of Heaven...weighing in at 220 pounds...he is the most sadistic, masochistic, motherfucker ever to set foot in a wrestling ring...he is, SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE SANDMAN9000 IS BACK! COACH I don't believe this! Sandman doesn't acknowledge anyone in the crowd, he is totally focused on the ring. He examines the Chamber, then grabs the wall, and delivers FIVE HEADBUTTS to the Chamber wall, busting himself open through the bandanas! COACH Look at this guy, Cole! He's SICK! How is Felix going to deal with this? COLE Well, we've already got one guy busted open, and the match hasn't even started yet! The crowd is still at a fever pitch, and Sandman hasn't even acknowledged them as he enters the Chamber and steps through the ropes. The lights go back on, and Sandman strips the bandanas from his face, to another loud reaction from the fans. COLE And there is the face, of Sandman9000! The six men stand in a circle, with the referee coming between them. Brock and TK discuss Sandman's surprise appearance, while Stevens and Strutter stand is disbelief. Alf is obviously stunned, but doesn't let on as much. COLE And in just a few seconds, the referee is going to get four of these guys in their cells. After the referee's discussion, Alf and Brock go to opposite corners, as the other four step to the outside. COACH It looks like it's going to be Alf and Brock! What a way to start off! Starting from the cell in the corner to the left of the cage door, facing away from the aisle, and working clockwise, the combatants enter the cells as follows: Stevens, Sandman, Strutter, TK. The cells raise towards the top of the cage. COACH I still can't get over Sandman being in this, Cole! I told you this could end bad for Felix! The cells reach the top of the chamber, and the bell rings. *DING DING DING* COLE And the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III is under way! Alf and Brock emerge from their corners, and tie up. Brock quickly backs Alf into a corner, but Alf is able to turn him around. Alf backs off slowly, and then delivers a right hand, followed by a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! However, the shots aren't registering with Brock! Brock starts to walk out of the corner, as Alf delivers a third CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock delivers a BIG right to Alf, knocking him back to the mat! COLE BIG right from Brock Ausstin! Brock follows with an Irish whip, catching Alf and delivering a HIGH backdrop! As Alf gets to his knees holding his back, Brock backs into the ropes, waiting for Alf to get to his feet, and clotheslines him to the floor! COLE And Alf over the top to the outside! The crowd cheers on Brock as he stands in the middle of the ring. Brock then makes his way over to the ropes, as Alf is rummaging underneath the ring. COACH They're going for the weapons already, Cole! Alf comes up with a fire extinguisher, concealing it from Brock as Brock climbs out after him. Brock grabs Alf by the head, and Alf quickly turns and sprays Brock in the face! COLE Alf buying himself some time with that fire extinguisher! Alf then goes back under the ring, and comes out with a STOP sign! He waits for Brock to turn around, and slams it over his head! COACH OH! COLE But Brock still on his feet! Brock is staggered, and Alf delivers another shot, sending him down! Alf slides the sign into the ring, then picks up Brock, and tries to ram him into the cage! COLE And now Alf attempting to draw blood from Brock, by ramming into that Chamber! COACH Brock's blocking it, though! Brock blocks twice, then attempts to ram Alf! COLE And Alf blocking the move, as well! Alf blocks twice, then goes to the eyes of Brock, before ramming his face into the Chamber wall! COLE And Brock's face rammed against the chain and barbed wire! Alf then rakes Brock's face across the wall, drawing blood! COACH Brock's bleeding now! Alf tosses Brock back inside, then grabs a leather strap out of his trash bin. COLE And now Alf with a strap! Alf rolls into the ring, and brings the strap down across the back of Brock! COLE Brock wincing in pain as Alf brings that strap down across his bare flesh! COACH See, if he wore a shirt like the other guys, he might not be in this predicament! After four big shots with the strap, Alf measures Brock, then backs into the ropes, attempting a clothesline with the strap...but Brock catches Alf in a waistlock, and tosses him with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Suplex by Brock Ausstin, nice counter move! Brock comes up with the strap, which was dropped by Alf! COLE And now it's Brock with the strap! COACH Look out, Alf! Brock whips Alf with the strap! And again! And again! Alf rolls around on the mat in pain, then Brock picks him up, and lifts him in a back suplex...positioning him over the STOP sign, and dropping him onto it! COLE Another suplex by Brock, this one onto the sign... Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Brock gets to his feet, then climbs to the outside. He makes his way over to the cactus, picking it up out of the wagon! COACH Oh, no! Brock slides the cactus into the ring, then rolls in after it and sets it up in a corner. The crowd cheers as Brock picks up Alf, and hammers him in the corner. He then sets up an Irish whip into the cactus, but Alf blocks, then pulls Brock into a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And an impressive show of strength by Alf! Brock ends up in the corner, and Alf tries to follow up with a Stinger splash...but Brock moves, and Alf flies RIGHT INTO THE CACTUS! COLE And Alf the first victim of the cactus! COACH This is terrible, Cole! Brock levels him with a clothesline to follow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH It's going to take more than that to get rid of Alf, though! Brock grabs the strap, and begins to choke Alf with it on the mat. He brings Alf up to his feet, then lifts him in a PRESS SLAM~! COLE Speaking of impressive shows of power... However, Alf slips behind the back, and shoves Brock into the cactus! COACH Now, Brock gets a little taste of his own medicine! Alf backs into the ropes, and catches Brock as he comes out with a Hart Attack clothesline! Both men are out on the mat, and the crowd gives its approval. COLE And the fans are loving it, and there's a long way to go! COACH We're ready for a third man, Cole! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out in the arena, as a white strobe flashes uncontrollably around each cell, before stopping on the cell of Chris Stevens! COLE And it's Chris Stevens set to enter! Stevens' cell lowers, and he sets the cookie sheet and armpad in the corner, before pulling a LADDER out from under the ring, to the cheers of the crowd! COLE Chris Stevens bringing the ladder into play! Stevens slides in and grabs the ladder as Brock is getting to his feet, then sets it over his shoulders and head, and swings it into Brock, knocking him back down! COACH Nice use of the ladder! Stevens then does the same to Alf when he gets up! COLE Both Brock and Alf back down on the mat once again! Stevens lays the ladder down on the mat, then picks up Brock, and waits on Alf to get to his feet. Alf and Stevens each hook Brock. COLE You have to wonder why Stevens would hit Alf with the ladder if he wanted his help. Stevens and Alf lift Brock, and drop him on the ladder with a suplex! COLE And Brock dropped right onto that ladder by Alf and Chris Stevens! Alf stomps away at Brock, as Stevens picks up the ladder again, and he and Alf each grab one side. They deliver a double-clothesline with the ladder, knocking Brock out to the floor! Alf turns to celebrate, and Stevens attacks! COLE Now it's Alf and Stevens! COACH Alf turned his back there, very uncharacteristic, and now he's paying for it! Stevens rams the ladder into Alf, knocking him down to the mat. Stevens then lays the ladder across Alf, and climbs to the top rope. COACH Could be that Frog Splash onto the ladder, Cole! Stevens jumps off...but Alf raises the ladder up, and Stevens flies into it! Alf then takes the ladder and jams it into Stevens' midsection, before heading to the top with the ladder. COLE Alf could be looking for a moonsault, complete with ladder! Alf lays the ladder across the corner, then climbs up facing the outside. He gets on the top rope, then bends down and picks up the ladder, holding it shoulder-width, before executing a MOONSAULT~! Stevens rolls out of the way, but Alf is able to use the ladder to push off the mat and land on his feet! COACH Look at THAT move by Alf! Alf then waits for Stevens to turn around, before ramming the ladder into his face! Stevens crawls towards the corner where he laid his stuff, as Alf follows. Stevens gets to his armband, and uses it to rake Alf's face as Alf tries to grab him! COLE Oh, Alf's face was just raked by that forearm pad which is covered in thumbtacks! Stevens then grabs his cookie sheet, and brings it down onto the head of Alf! COACH Jeez! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Two-count, but now Alf has been cut open, as well! Stevens continues to work on the face of Alf with the forearm pad, as Brock pulls out a BARBED-WIRE STEEL CHAIR~! COACH Uh-oh, they're bringing out the heavy artillery now! Brock rolls back inside, but Stevens sees him coming, and kicks away at him as he comes through the ropes. Stevens then slowly picks up the chair! COACH Brock may not even get to use the weapon he brought in to play! Stevens raises the chair into the air, but when he does, Brock hits him with a low blow! Stevens holds himself, while Brock grabs the chair, and brings it down across his back! COLE Oh, man! Stevens then takes a shot to the head! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Oh, look at Chris! The blood is now flowing from the head of Chris Stevens, as Brock poses with the chair, but then turns around into a MISSILE DROPKICK~! from Alf! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf picks up Brock, and delivers a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf then positions Brock in the ring, and goes up top behind the cactus. He puts his right foot on top of the cactus, then rides the cactus down onto Brock, surfboard-style! COLE And that was a unique use of the cactus by Alf! Stevens goes outside to his shopping cart, and pulls out the thumbtack-covered chest protector! COLE Look at this! Alf positions Brock up against the cactus, then Stevens puts on the the chest protector. He backs into the corner, and SPLASHES Brock between them! COLE Oh my God! Thumbtacks in the front, cactus in the back! Stevens stops to taunt, and eats a SUPERKICK~! from Alf! COACH And now Stevens getting caught celebrating! COLE And we'll have a fourth man very shortly! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out again, and the strobe moves around the cell before stopping on TK! COLE And listen to the crowd, as TK is lowered from the ceiling of the Chamber! Alf and Stevens are slugging it out as TK's cell reaches the floor, and he emerges from it and slides inside. Clothesline for Alf! Clothesline for Stevens! One more clothesline for each man! COLE And TK giving it to both men right now! TK whips Stevens into the ropes, and catches him with a PRESS SLAM~! COLE Chris Stevens high in the air! TK tosses Stevens right on top of Alf! The referee counts... 1... 2... Alf shoves Stevens off, and Stevens lands on the floor. TK backs Alf into a corner, and starts firing off European uppercuts. Meanwhile, Chris Stevens has come to his senses and starts pulling tables out from underneath the ring! COACH Uh-oh, these people love the tables! Stevens sets up two tables on top of one another, then sets up two more right next to them! COLE Chris Stevens planning a big move here, obviously! In the ring, TK sets up Alf for a powerbomb, but Alf reverses, into a hurricanrana! Brock has rolled outside opposite of Stevens, and sets up four tables of his own! COACH And now Brock playing a little "anything you can do, I can do better with Stevens! After setting the tables up, Brock grabs the super-size ladder from under the ring, and Chris grabs a BARBED-WIRE BOARD~! COLE Oh, my! COACH Well, we're really getting down to business now, Cole! Alf is turning TK over in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111, but Brock hammers him across the back with the ladder! Alf goes down on the mat, and Brock comes after him again, but Alf delivers a drop toehold, and Brock's face goes into the ladder! COLE Nice counter by Alf, and Brock's face right into that ladder! Brock rolls back into a corner, as Alf and Stevens double-team TK. Alf delivers a savate kick, then Stevens comes from behind with a bulldog, driving TK's face right into the BARBED-WIRD BOARD~! COLE Oh my, TK's face driven right into that barbed wire by Chris Stevens! Alf pulls up TK, who is now cut open, and holds him for Stevens. Stevens grabs the barbed-wire chair, and swings...but TK ducks, and Alf takes the shot! COACH Oh, no! COLE A little teamwork attempt, and it backfired! TK delivers a low blow to Stevens, as Alf staggers right into Brock, who lifts him for the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE Could be the F-STUNNER-5~! Brock then moves over to the ropes! COACH Oh no, not the tables! Brock delivers an F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 TO THE OUTSIDE, THROUGH THE STACK OF TABLES~! COLE OH MY GOD~! Alf right through that stack of tables, thanks to Brock Ausstin! Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Brock yells to the crowd, which cheers in response, but gets caught from behind by TK and a German suplex! 1... 2... NO! Kickout! COLE And Brock almost pinned during his celebration! TK hammers Brock on the mat, then as Brock gets to his feet, TK hooks him and delivers a belly-to-belly gutwrench! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! TK picks up Brock, and sets up the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE Could be time for the Thunderbolt DDT! However, as TK hooks the front facelock, Brock grabs him in a waist lock, and executes a Northern Lights release suplex! COLE But Brock counters with a nice overhead suplex! Brock then grabs Stevens, who has set up the super size ladder sideways in a corner. COLE Well, Chris Stevens had that ladder set up, but it was all for naught! Brock picks Stevens up, and delivers a suplex onto the barbed-wire board! COACH Oh man, Chris into that barbed wire again! Come on, Chris! Brock then grabs the regular-sized ladder, and sets it up next to the other ladder, with one side of the ladder underneath the bigger one. COACH Is Brock going to climb the ladder? COLE Very uncharacteristic of Brock Ausstin here... Brock starts climbing, but TK has got the barbed-wire chair, and slams it over the back of Brock! COLE Barbed wire again, slammed into the back of Brock Ausstin! As Stevens rolls to the outside, TK then delivers a second shot, as Brock slumps over the top of the ladder. TK then starts climbing the big ladder, as the crowd starts to buzz. COLE Oh my goodness... TK reaches the top of the big ladder, then stands with a foot on each side, on the first steps from the top. He gains his balance...and executes a BLOCKBUSTER FROM THE BIG LADDER TO BROCK ON THE SMALLER LADDER, SENDING BROCK INTO THE BARBED-WIRE BOARD~! COLE/COACH CROWD STRUTTER STEVENS Stevens doesn't waste much time with his smiley face, however, as he immediately pulls the bigger ladder to another angle, climbs it...and delivers a FROG SPLASH~!!!111 to TK! COLE And Stevens with the big follow-up Frog Splash! All three men are out on the mat. Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! As all three men are still out of it, the crowd begins. COACH And either Felix or the Sandman is going to feast on this! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out again, and the strobes go back and forth, before stopping on Strutter! COLE And the champ set to make his entrance! Strutter's cell lowers. COACH So not only does the Sandman make a big return tonight, he gets to enter the match last! Strutter's cell stops on the ground, and he exits, then slides in and licks his chops. He rubs his hands together, then covers Brock. 1... 2... ...Brock presses Felix off, right on top of TK! COACH Look at this! 1... 2... ...TK also presses Felix off, right on top of Stevens! COACH They're playing catch! 1... 2... Stevens gets a shoulder up! COLE So three tries for Felix, all unsuccessful! Alf is just coming to on the outside, and he reaches into the ring and grabs the chest protector. Felix grabs the barbed wire chair, and waits, as all three guys slowly get to their feet. Felix brings the chair up, and then brings it down onto Brock's head! COACH Day-um! COLE What a chairshot from Felix! Brock staggers back, and as he does, TK hooks him, and drills him with the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE TK with the Thunderbolt DDT~! TK is still dazed, as Alf positions himself on the top...and executes the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Five-Star, and Alf's got on that chest protector! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And Brock Ausstin has been eliminated! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1st elimination: Brock Ausstin eliminated by: Alfdogg (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Chris Stevens, Thunderkid, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 (yet to enter) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Strutter then nails Alfdogg on the back with the chair! COLE And a shot to the back by Strutter to Alf, his former mentor! COACH Brock Ausstin the first man eliminated, I wouldn't have called that one! Strutter delivers another big shot to Alf, then hooks him from behind and executes a TIGER SUPLEX~! 1... 2... NO! Alf kicks out! COLE Nice Tiger suplex by Felix, but it only gets two! Felix stomps Alf a couple times, then joins Stevens in hammering on TK. The duo executes a double suplex, then a simultaneous standing moonsault by Strutter and legdrop by Stevens! COACH Nice teamwork by Stevens and Strutter! However, it's quickly broken up by a Stevens superkick! COLE Not for long! Stevens then reapplies the forearm pad with the thumbtacks, and hops to the second rope, driving it into Felix's forehead! COACH Oh, no, Felix! COLE And now blood has been drawn from everyone in the match, and one of the guys isn't even in yet! COACH But he will be soon! Stevens continues to dig into the wound of Strutter with the forearm pad, then grabs the barbed-wire chair, putting it underneath him as he jumps for a legdrop onto Strutter! COLE And now it's the barbed wire into the face of Felix! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But Stevens was hurt by that move, as well, as his legs were dug into the barbed wire! Alf hits a Hart Attack clothesline on Stevens as he comes up holding a hamstring, and then applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COACH Uh-oh! COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter applied! Will Stevens tap? Stevens screams in pain, as he makes his way towards the ropes. COACH See, what if Stevens gets to the ropes here, and Alf decides he doesn't want to let go? The referee can't really do anything about it, can he? COLE I wouldn't think so...he obviously can't disqualify him! It doesn't matter, though, because Alf pulls Stevens back to the center of the ring! COLE Chris Stevens can't be far away from submitting here! However, Strutter saves him, kicking Alf in the gut, and executing the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE ON THE BARBED WIRE BOARD~!!!!!11111 COACH WHOA~! COLE Thunder Bay Throttle right on that board! And now, all he has to do is cover... But he goes after TK, and gets tripped up, and put in the ANKLE LOCK~!!!!!11111 COLE And TK with the Ankle Lock! However, before TK can drop to the mat, Strutter pulls him in, trips him forward, and applies the STF~!!!111 COACH What a counter! COLE STF applied! TK holds on for a bit, but they're too close to the ropes, and TK grabs them, and pulls both himself and Strutter through them and to the floor. COACH This is incredible, Cole! Alf is out of it in the ring, and Stevens pulls himself over, and drapes an arm over... COACH Shades of the Fatal 4-Way here... 1... 2... NO!!! Alf gets a shoulder out! COLE But Alf, BARELY, gets the shoulder up! TK and Strutter slug it out on the floor, and Strutter goes the eyes, then sets up a piledriver! COLE Could be a piledriver on the floor! TK blocks, however, and trips up Strutter. COLE Slingshot coming up! TK slingshots Strutter into the Chamber wall! COACH Oh, no! Stevens hammers away on Alf inside the ring, then goes for a whip, but Alf reverses. Stevens ducks a clothesline, then Alf drops down, and catches Stevens with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf then stands the cactus up in the corner, and picks up Stevens in an atomic drop position. COACH Alf runs to the corner, and CROTCHES Stevens on the cactus, to the audible groans of the crowd! COACH That makes MY dick hurt, Cole. COLE On the other hand, I've gotten a HUGE boner from watching this match! COACH ... Alf then pulls Stevens down in a tree of woe, OVER THE CACTUS, and grabs the barbed-wire chair. COACH Oh, what's this going to be? Alf charges Stevens and dropkicks the chair into him! Stevens falls to the mat in agony, as TK rolls Strutter back inside, and the crowd chants in anticipation of the count. "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN" COLE The crowd wants him, and he's coming in ten seconds! And I might too, for that matter! COACH 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Sandman's cell lowers, as the crowd is on the verge of having a collective heart attack. The cell hits the ground, and Sandman grabs a bundle of lighttubes from under the ring. COLE And Sandman going for his specialty! He sets it in the corner, then slides into the ring! Clothesline for Strutter! Clothesline for TK! Clothesline for Alf! Clothesline for Stevens! COACH He hasn't lost a step, Cole! Strutter rolls out of the ring, as Sandman grabs TK and delivers a snapmare, followed by a seated dropkick! He then goes to the corner, and grabs a lighttube. He kneels down and delivers a low blow to Alf, then tosses the lighttube to Stevens. He charges, hops off the back of Alf, who is on all fours, and delivers a SHINING WIZARD, kicking the lighttube right into Stevens' face! COLE Lighttube shattered right in the face of Chris Stevens! Sandman then picks up Stevens, hooks him...and drills him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COLE Archangel's Wings on Chris Stevens! 1... 2... 3!!! COACH Oh, no! COLE And Chris Stevens is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2nd elimination: Chris Stevens eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Thunderkid, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE We're down to four men! TK jams one of the ladders into Sandman's gut, then Felix comes from behind and slams the barbed wire chair across his back! COLE And now TK and Felix working together, there's a surprise! Strutter applies the STF~!!!111 to Sandman, while TK simultaneously applies the ANKLELOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH Look at this! COLE DOUBLE submission move applied! However, Sandman doesn't seem in much danger, as he uses his free arm to jab Strutter in the eyes, then grabs onto the ropes, and takes TK out to the floor with the leverage! COACH And he escaped BOTH of them by himself! Unbelieveable! Sandman follows TK out with a HANDS-FREE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE Sandman FLYING out of the ring! This man has absolutely no regard for his body! He tosses TK back in, but when he rolls back in, Alf pounces and hammers away, as does Strutter shortly after. TK comes to seconds later and joins in, making it a 3-on-1 ambush. COACH This is what they've got to do right here, but from what we've seen so far, I'm not sure if even THAT will work! Alf positions the barbed-wire board in the middle of the ring, and picks Sandman up, executing a POWERBOMB onto it! Alf then points to the stack of tables set up by Stevens earlier. COLE And Alf directing traffic, as this is a 3-on-1 assault... Strutter grabs Sandman, and sets him on the top rope. He then climbs to the outside, and climbs up behind Sandman. Meanwhile, TK, after a brief argument with Alf, picks Alf up on his shoulders. Strutter lifts Sandman in atomic drop position, and hands him off to Alf. COACH What in the world? TK turns towards the tables...and Alf POWERBOMBS SANDMAN WHILE SITTING ON TK'S SHOULDERS, THROUGH THE STACK OF TABLES AT RINGSIDE~! COLE OH MY GOD PT 2!!! Sandman right through the stack of tables! He must have been 70 feet in the air! TK then won't let Alf down, as Strutter steps up to the top rope, and clotheslines Alf off of TK's shoulders! COACH And a little more teamwork with TK & Felix! Strutter covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! TK then attacks Strutter, delivering a belly-to-belly gutwrench! As Alf slowly gets to his feet, TK clotheslines Strutter to the outside! Alf staggers towards TK, and as TK turns around, Alf catches him with a belly-to-belly! COLE Not much mustard behind that one, as Alf is obviously fatigued! Alf follows with a superkick, then rolls to the outside. He reaches under the ring, and grabs his vodka and special bag. COACH Come on, Alf, now's not the time to have a drink! Alf reaches into the back, and pulls out a mini-torch! COACH Oh, flaming shots! I love those! Let me hit that! Alf rolls into the ring, and takes a swig of the vodka. Alf then holds the torch to his lips, as TK comes towards him...and spits out the vodka, creating a HUGE flame that fires right into TK's face! COLE Oh no! Who knows how bad TK's face may be burned? COACH Well, that's the risk you take getting in a match like this, all these guys will try anything to win a match! Alf scoops up TK, taking him over to the barbed wire board...and drops him with the EMERALD FUSION~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Emerald Fusion! It's been a while since we've seen that one! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And that's it for Thunderkid! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3rd elimination: Thunderkid eliminated by: Alfdogg (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alf grabs Strutter on his way back in, and delivers a backbreaker! Alf follows with a fisherman's suplex! 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman is coming around on the outside, as Alf whips Strutter into the ropes, but Strutter ducks a clothesline and catches Alf with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter picks up Alf and backs him into a corner, executing a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! However, Alf turns Strutter around, and delivers one of his own! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then measures Strutter, and takes him outside with a Cactus clothesline! However, Alf holds onto the top rope following the clothesline, and skins the cat back inside! COLE Look at that move! Alf measures Strutter on the outside, and hits him with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE And Alf to the outside on top of Felix! Alf hammers away on Strutter with right hands, then picks him up. He sets up an Irish whip, but Strutter reverses, sending Alf back-first into the Chamber wall! Strutter then slides into the ring, where Sandman waits. COACH Uh-oh, Felix...look behind you! Sandman spins Strutter around, and delivers a foot to the gut, setting up the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111...but Strutter reverses, and hits the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COACH YEAH! This is it! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Sandman kicks out! COLE No, that's not it! COACH I can't believe this! Strutter, frustrated, picks up Sandman, and executes a DDT onto the barbed-wire chair! He then drags him into the corner, and scales the ropes. COLE Strutter looks like he's going for that Shooting Star Legdrop! Strutter gets his balance, and goes for the SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP~!!!!!11111...but Sandman rolls out of the way! COLE But nobody home! Sandman then trips up Strutter...and applies the H8 LOCK~!!!!!11111 COLE Sandman with the H8 Lock! Another submission hold! Strutter can't inch towards the ropes at all, as Sandman has the hold really cinched in. Fortunately, he's saved when Alf comes off the top with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE There's the Five Star again! 1... 2... ... NO!!! Sandman kicks out! COACH WHAT THE FUCK!!! COLE ANOTHER kickout by the Sandman! Alf gets to his feet, also frustrated. He motions something to Strutter, who goes to the outside. Strutter grabs another ladder from under the ring. Alf grabs it from him, then sets it up. He then grabs the other small ladder, and lays it down flat on the turnbuckle and one of the rungs of the other ladder. He then grabs the big ladder, and he and Felix set it up on top of the flat ladder. COACH What the hell are these guys doing? COLE Oh no, you don't think... Alf climbs to the apron, as the crowd starts to buzz. COACH Oh my God, he is. Alf climbs to the top rope, then walks out to the ladder, and starts climbing it as Strutter holds it steady. COACH How high is this, Cole? COLE 3000 feet. COACH ...fuck you. When Alf gets to the top of the ladder, he's able to help balance himself with the ceiling of the Chamber, which is 24 feet from the floor. He uses it to balance himself on top of the ladder... COLE/COACH CROWD STRUTTER ...and steps off, going for a FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH FROM TWO LADDERS HIGH~!!!!!11111 ... ...but Sandman rolls out of the way, and Alf bounces nearly two feet off the mat on impact! COLE/COACH Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Alf lays motionless, as Sandman his Strutter with a low blow, then smashes a lighttube in his face! Strutter rolls out, as Sandman picks up Alf. COACH Oh, come on, just pin him! He just fell from two ladders! Sandman sets Alf up on the buckles, facing the outside of the ring. He then steps to the apron, and climbs to the top from the outside. He hooks Alf in a front facelock, dragging him up to the top with him...then flips over while holding him, drilling Alf with a TOP-ROPE BLOCKBUSTER DDT, ONTO THE BARBED-WIRE CHAIR~!!! COLE HOLY SHIT~! Will THIS be enough to put Alf away? 1... 2... 3!!! COLE YES IT WILL! COACH Damn it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4th elimination: Alfdogg eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) remaining: Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE The third Chamber of Hell, and the first one in which Alf will not walk out the winner! Strutter rolls back into the ring, then turns and sees Sandman staring him in the face. COLE And now we're down to two! Strutter begs off, but Sandman will have none of it, as he quickly batters Strutter with forearms and headbutts. He whips Strutter into the ropes, then backs in himself and catches him with a Yakuza kick! COACH I told you I didn't like the looks of this for Felix Strutter! Sandman whips Strutter chest-first into the corner, and catches coming back with a release German suplex! COLE OH, Felix landing right on top of his head! Strutter winds up in a corner, where Sandman stomps away, then executes some boot scrapes! He takes a few steps back, and charges in with one last boot scrape, before grabbing the barbed-wire board and setting it up over Strutter. COACH Oh, now what? Sandman grabs the big ladder, and sets it up in the middle of the ring, and starts climbing it, as the crowd buzzes. COLE Oh my God... Sandman gets his balance on top of the ladder...and executes a VAN TERMINATOR, BREAKING THE BARBED WIRE BOARD IN STRUTTER'S FACE! COACH End it now. PLEASE. Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Sandman drives Strutter out of the wreckage, scoops him up in a torture rack position...and delivers the PSYCHO DRIVAH~!!!!!11111 COLE And there's the Psycho Drivah~! Cover... 1... 2... ... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH DAMN it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5th elimination: Felix Strutter eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) WINNER: Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ People = Shit plays, as the referee retreives the belt. BUFFER The winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA AAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE The Sandman is BACK, and he is the NEW OAOAST Heartland champion! COACH I just don't believe it. COLE However, give Felix Strutter credit! Having never been in this environment before, he put on a hell of a show tonight! COACH That's right! I'm very proud of Felix Strutter, despite the loss. If there were any doubters after AngleSlam, hopefully they were silenced tonight. COLE And for that matter, give EVERYONE in this grueling match credit. Six careers have been changed forever! Bodies were mangled! Hearts were broken! Blood, sweat, and tears were shed! And in the end, it's the return of Sandman9000, the NEW OAOAST Heartland champion! What does this mean for the OAOAST? Sandman exits the Chamber with his new belt in hand, as the fans continue to chant his name. "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!"

The camera cuts to the OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 Interview Set where Josh Matthews is standing by with Colombian Heat. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat is all calm, cool, and collected in his wrestling attire as the interview begins. JOSH "J. MATH" MATTHEWS Colombian Heat, in just a few moments, you are going to step into the ring against someone who's become something of an arch-rival for you over the past few months, James Riggs. And in this match, not one, not two, but THREE titles will be on the line. The OAOAST 24/7 Championship. The OAOAST X-Division Championship. And the OAOAST United States Championship, which is making its debut tonight. What are your thoughts as you head into what is quite possibly one of the biggest matches of your career? COLOMBIAN HEAT Naw, I's don't sweat it, J. Math. Dis iz just anotha match for me, mah dude. I's never let tha pressure get to me, cuz then I don't perform to mah standards. Now James Riggs has been livin' in dis fairy tale dream world these past few months. Yeah, I's admit it. He's gotten me in tha past, more than once. My only real victory over him was at AngleSlam, and even then, I had a little help from mah friends. So, I'm not gonna knock him. Tha dude's got skills. HOWEVER, tha fans of the One And Only AngleSault Thread are sick and tired of James' stupid toothy grin, his straggly hair, and his fascination with sunglasses. His wife is pretty hot, though. I can't deny that. Youse would want some of dat too, wouldn't you, Josh? Huh? Wouldn't you? J. MATH Uh...sure, why not? HEAT (under his breath) I'm sure youse would rather have James. (Speaking normally again...or as normal as he can speak): ANYWAY, tha biggest thing tha OAOAST fans are tired of is of yo' cheatin' ways! Cheatin' to beat Dance Dance Dragon? Not cool. Injurin' him after tha match? Very not cool. Cheatin' to beat me? Yo, why you try to act like that dogg? Huh? Why you try to act like that? I ain't gonna take dat lying down! OH HELL NAW! I'm gonna fight back! And I'm gonna fight back tha best way I's know how! By beatin' you in tha ring! Tonight, I'ma gonna become tha last 24/7 Champion, tha last X-Division Champion, and tha FIRST United States Champion! Everybody wants to be tha first at somethin', but not everyone gets to accomplish that goal. Tonight, I will! History's going down tonight, y'all! The crowd cheers loudly. HEAT (CONT'D) So, James Riggs, your fairy tale dream is over, mah dude! I'ma bring you back to reality and leave you beltless, holmes! I'ma bring home all tha bling-bling tonight in Memphis! (CHEAP POP~!) But don't worry dawg. At least you'll still have your wife. Although, I wouldn't take her down to where all tha skeevy people hang out at. Some of the hookers and pimps might recognize her! AWWW SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! HA HA HA HA HA HA! James Riggs, I'ma beat you down good one last time, and become tha first ever OAOAST United States Champion! James Riggs, yo' ass iz mine! James Riggs, youse is goin' down courtesy of me, Colombian Heat, BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Colombian Heat winks at the camera and throws up a "W" hand signal before leaving. Josh Matthews chuckles as he watches Colombian Heat leave. JOSH MATTHEWS Well, there you have it. Words from the one and only Colombian Heat, who is looking to make history tonight by becoming the last 24/7 Champion, the last X-Division Champion, and the FIRST United States Champion in One And Only AngleSault Thread history! Colombian Heat is ready for battle. What a match that should be! Who knows what's going to happen? Guys, back to you! COACH Can we hire a translator to translate everything Colombian Heat says? COLE His message was loud and clear to me! COACH I think I got an aneurysm trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about! COLE Oh will you stop!? "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd boos loudly. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs and Staci step out, and the boos get even louder. Riggs is holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. Staci, wearing a white dress shirt tied up to show the midriff, a silver necklace, hoop earrings, a gold watch on her right wrist, a gray skirt, and black heels, makes a show out of unzipping his long silver/white leather trenchcoat, revealing the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt strapped around his waist. JR shines the 24/7 Title belt real nice while Staci looks on lovingly at her husband. James has a cocky smile on his face. He chuckles at the boos. Staci goes ahead and leads James down the entrance ramp. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship, AND this match is to crown the first ever One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion! Introducing first. Coming down the aisle. Accompanied to the ring by his wife and manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion AND the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd...the leader of JR Nation...JAMEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSS! COLE Well, win or lose, this will be the last time James Riggs comes to the ring carrying TWO title belts! After tonight, both of those belts will be history, and a new title will take its place, the United States Title! The crowd continues showering James Riggs with boos as he cockily walks to the ring, bobbing his head to "Dani California". COLE James Riggs and Colombian Heat have been feuding since the summer, and as we head into October, this feud doesn't seem to have any end in sight! COACH Tonight the feud will end, Michael Cole! James Riggs has Colombian Heat down for the count, but tonight, he will strike the death blow! Tonight, James Riggs puts Colombian Heat away for good! Staci shows off the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around James' waist to the camera. Riggs nods his head with an evil grin on his face. He then holds up the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt to the camera. JAMES RIGGS Title number three is coming to me tonight! Staci walks up the ring steps, James following her, getting a good look at her ass on the way up. James and Staci stand on the ring apron, James taking the opportunity to raise the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head. James and Staci kiss, and then Staci sits on the middle rope and, in one smooth motion, brings her legs up and crosses them, balancing her entire body on the middle rope while pushing up the top ring rope, allowing Riggs to step through. When James is in the ring, Staci, in another smooth motion, uncrosses them and ducks under the top ring rope herself. COACH This man has EVERYTHING right now! Two Titles, a beautiful wife, a nation of fans, good looks, tremendous ability! And now, a chance to make history, becoming the first United States Champion in the OAOAST! COLE This will be the THIRD title Colombian Heat and James Riggs have fought over! This feud started over the 24/7 Title. James Riggs defeated Colombian Heat on July's edition of OAOAST Syndicated to earn a shot at the 24/7 Title at AngleSlam. Colombian Heat was able to successfully retain the 24/7 Title in a hard fought match. Afterwards, Riggs ended up winning the X-Division Title, and put Dance Dance Dragon out of action indefinitely afterwards. COACH Like he didn't have that coming! COLE Riggs and Heat met once again on HeldDOWN~! two weeks ago, in a "Champion vs. Champion" match with both the 24/7 AND X-Division Titles on the line! Heat's right knee had been hurt in the match, which led to this. The OAOAST Zero Hour logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips from the Heat/Riggs match from the September 20, 2007 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. COACH Colombian Heat's knee was DESTROYED by James Riggs! There's no way he was gonna survive this match! COLE Colombian Heat's knee gave out just as he was about to do the Colombian Necktie. One Rolling Koppou Kick later, and we had a new 24/7 Champion in James Riggs, less than one year in the OAOAST! COACH James Riggs is one of the fastest rising stars in the history of the OAOAST! COLE AngleSault made the announcement, only four days ago, that the OAOAST 24/7 and X-Division Titles would be unified into the United States Title, and that is what led to this match tonight. AngleSault feels that Colombian Heat deserves one last shot at Riggs after the events that have taken place over the last few weeks. COACH Even though I feel that AngleSault is wrong, it doesn't matter who James faces tonight. He WILL become the first United States Champion at Zero Hour! James Riggs heads to a turnbuckle corner. He raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship with his right hand, while pointing to the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around his waist. Riggs pounds his chest twice with his left hand while still holding the X-Division Championship belt with his right hand. He then cockily thrusts his hands into the air while white pyro shoots along the ring apron behind him ala Shawn Michaels, before meeting at the ring post, which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. COLE James Riggs is a double champion, a husband, and a talented wrestler. COACH Not to mention a great rapper! You heard his rap last Thursday on HeldDOWN~!. COLE Well, I wouldn't go that far. COACH I would! 50, Kanye, watch out! James Riggs is on your ass! COLE I don't think 50 Cent or Kanye West will have to worry about James Riggs outselling them! COACH JR Nation is larger than you think, Michael Cole. I'm talking about numbers in the MILLIONS! COLE And how many of them are related to him? COACH Not that many. He's not Hispanic! COLE Thanks for offending our Latino audience, Coach! COACH Anytime! Staci applauds her man while he's on the second turnbuckle. Riggs gets off the second turnbuckle and kisses Staci on the lips. Afterwards, Staci removes James' sunglasses. She then removes James' long white/silver trenchcoat, revealing his standard silver and black pants. James tries to act seductive while Staci removes the trenchcoat, but the females in the crowd only greet this action with boos. COLE This is already a historic night here at Zero Hour. But we're about to make some more history. The final OAOAST 24/7 and OAOAST X-Division Title defenses are about to be made right now. And the winner will not only be the LAST 24/7 Champion and the LAST X-Division Champion, but also the FIRST United States Champion! COACH James Riggs hasn't even been in this company for a year, and he's already going to hold THREE titles! And all in the span of one month! That's amazing! COLE It is indeed amazing that he's risen this far in such a short time, but he must defeat Colombian Heat once again in order to become the US Champ! COACH He's already done it TWICE, Cole. He's gonna accomplish the three-peat! Staci places the sunglasses on top of the long white/silver trenchcoat and smiles at James. She kisses him once again. A graphic appears on screen letting us know that this match is for the 24/7 Championship, the X-Division Championship, and the United States Championship. James Riggs bounces up and down in place, getting his game face on. He and Staci look at the entrance. Staci offers James some last minute words of encouragement. "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" COLE These fans in Memphis letting James Riggs know how they feel about him! COACH How can they boo him? He's going to be the Champion of America soon! Would they rather have a forginer win the Title? COLE When the forginer is as nice as Colombian Heat, I'm sure they do. COACH You would think Southerners would be the last group of people that would want a forginer to win a belt called the UNITED STATES Title, but I guess these people are even DUMBER than the usual Southerner! COLE Thanks for alienating our Southern fanbase, Coach. What's next? Jews? Italians? The handicap? COACH Pipe down, girl pants! James Riggs tries to tell the crowd to "SHUT UP!" but they won't listen, obviously. Riggs holds the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers dies down. COLE Colombian Heat is 1-2 against James Riggs. Can he tie it up tonight? COACH No. A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes charging out, receiving a HUGE pop from the Memphis fateful. Heat gets the crowd fired up, bouncing up and down across the entrance stage. He raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT! Colombian Heat dances a bit on the entrance ramp, and then continues walking to the ring. COLE This capacity crowd is FIRED UP for Colombian Heat! COACH Stop with the Heat puns. James Riggs sneers at Colombian Heat from the ring. Heat slaps some fans' hands at ringside, and then climbs up the ring steps. Heat hops into the ring. Colombian Heat gets onto the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat pounds his chest as he gets off the ropes and heads to a second turnbuckle, where he once again throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Heat plays to the crowd while on the second turnbuckle, and then hops off it. He calls for a microphone. COLE Colombian Heat is looking for his second, and what would be his LAST 24/7 Title tonight! COACH Look at this. These fans are rooting for Colombian Heat! Can you imagine what would happen if Colombian Heat became United States Champion? That would be a HORRIBLE way for that title to start its run! COLE I think Colombian Heat represents the American Dream. He came from nothing and became something! Heat started out as a poor immigrant, became a talented soccer star, but when that dream was crushed, he didn't let that get him down. Instead, he became a professional wrestler. And even though we all saw him debut in the OAOAST as a lackey for Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat eventually got out from underneath PRL's shadow and made something of himself, became his own man, and now tonight, he could make history, becoming the first ever United States Champion! COACH Stop with the sob story! Colombian Heat lived in an upper-middle class neighborhood for most of his life! He stopped playing soccer because all his recklessness caused a career ending injury! And he was fine serving as a member of The Lightning Crew, until Tha Puerto Rican realized what a waste of skin the guy was, and kicked him out! So really, everything bad that has happened to Colombian Heat, he brought onto himself! COLE Colombian Heat is not perfect. He has made some mistakes in the past. But he has redeemed himself into the talented young man you see before you. A man who could quite possibly be on the cusp of making history! The stakes in this one are very, very high! A new Title enters the One And Only AngleSault Thread tonight! Colombian Heat grabs a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT Aw yeah, aw yeah. Bow wow wow, yippee yo, yippee yea. I's keep it real 24/7 all day, everyday! The crowd cheers. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. HEAT History gonna be made tonight! Soooooo...if all of y'all are ready to see me make James Riggs Feel the Heat ONE MORE TIME and become tha first ever United States Champion...then Memphis, Tennessee...make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!" HEAT Aw yeah. Colombian Heat hands the microphone to a ringside attendant. James Riggs mutter something about Colombian Heat, and then heads to a second turnbuckle. JR raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. The crowd boos loudly. COLE This crowd is not being kind to James Riggs one bit. COACH He's a double champion for crying out loud! Show some respect! COLE You know, he didn't get those titles in the way these fans liked. COACH Colombian Heat's knee buckled! THAT'S what led to him losing the 24/7 Title! COLE But James Riggs-- COACH He didn't do anything! Heat's knee buckled! THAT'S IT! Riggs is not pleased with the negative response he gets. He jaw jacks with the crowd. Colombian Heat shakes his head and tries not to laugh. Riggs gets off the second turnbuckle. When he does, Colombian Heat tells Riggs something, and then climbs a second turnbuckle himself. Heat raises his hands, and the crowd cheers loudly. James throws a temper tantrum at this. COLE Colombian Heat has all the fan support tonight! COACH These fans are total ingrates! Whatever happened to Southern Hospitality? COLE They're showing their Southern Hospitality with Colombian Heat! COACH Colombian Heat doesn't count. He's vapor! Heat hops off the second turnbuckle and sports a cocky smirk on his face. Riggs sneers at his opponent and current rival. Heat smiles, and then exits the ring. He takes off the Colombian Heat bandana from his head and searches for somebody in the crowd. After doing some searching, he places the bandana on the head of a young girl in the front row. The 10-year-old girl, wearing a Colombian Heat T-shirt, smiles at Heat. Heat high fives the girl and gives her wink before climbing back up the ring steps and hopping into the ring. COACH Colombian Heat should be kept away from all women and children. COLE Colombian Heat loves the kids and they love him! COACH Yeah. He loves them like Michael Jackson loves them. COLE Oh, will you stop!? Colombian Heat jumps up and down in place in a turnbuckle corner. He stares down James Riggs. Heat pulls on the top ring rope. James Riggs talks trash to Heat while holding his belts. COLE A historic match about to take place. We are about to say goodbye to two titles in the OAOAST, and say hello to a brand new one. The OAOAST X-Division and 24/7 Titles have been here for a long time. The OAOAST X-Division Title has been in this company for pretty much most of its existence. The Superstar became the first X-Division Champion, winning it on August 11, 2002. Since then, we have seen some memorable X-Division Title reigns: Sandman9000, Reject, ZsasZ, Angleplex, The Purist, K-Money, Sly Sommers, Ragdoll, AJ Flaire, The Blurricane, Leon Rodez, Peter Knight, The Parka-- COACH Don't forget Tha Puerto Rican and James Riggs! COLE Right. We've seen some memorable battles, some great matches fought over the X-Division Title! The 24/7 Title debuted on April 17, 2003 on HeldDOWN~! in a Grab The Belt Match. Calvin Szechstein was the first 24/7 Champion, holding it for a week before losing it to The Memphis Eel. COACH Ooh. Bad memory. COLE Todd Pettengill is also a former 24/7 Champion. COACH Good God. COLE While the 24/7 rule has sometimes been in effect, and other times not, either way, we've seen some memorable 24/7 Title reigns. Some of the OAOAST Superstars who have won the 24/7 Title have gone on to win the World Heavyweight Title: Crystal, Hoff, Peter Knight, Axel, and of course, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. And let's not discount the other memorable 24/7 Title reigns: Northstar, CWM, The Superstar, Panther, Chris Stevens, Gunner Sharps, Bohemoth-- COACH And don't forget Tha Puerto Rican's record setting yearlong Title reign from 2005-2006! COLE Who can forget that one, Coach? He even customized the belt for crying out loud! But that record will always stand because tonight's the last time the OAOAST 24/7 Title will ever be defended. Win or lose, the OAOAST 24/7 and OAOAST X-Division Titles will become deactivated after tonight, and a new title will take its place, the United States Title! James Riggs kisses the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, and then kisses the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. He hands both belts over to referee Charles Robinson, who raises the belts in the air to let the fans know that this is a title match. COLE James Riggs handing the 24/7 and X-Division Titles to the referee for the last time. This is the last ever title defense for both titles! Charles Robinson then receives the NEW OAOAST United States Championship belt from the ringside attendant. He raises the belt over his head to let the fans know that this is for that title also. Charles Robinson hands the belt back to the ringside attendant. COLE The first ever United States Title Match is about to start in just a few moments, fans! Charles Robinson orders Colombian Heat and James Riggs to come close to him. He gives them both the rules of the match, and then pats down Heat. He then pats down Riggs. Riggs and Heat stare at each other the entire time. Charles Robinson then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP, OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP, & OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH JAMES RIGGS (OAOAST 24/7 Champion & OAOAST X-Division Champion with Staci) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger) Colombian Heat and James Riggs stare at each other. Staci kisses Riggs on the left cheek before exiting the ring. She receives catcalls as she walks down the ring steps, all of which she ignores. COLE And here we go. Mark your calendars, fans. September 30, 2007. The last night for both the OAOAST 24/7 Title AND the OAOAST X-Division Title AND the first night for the OAOAST United States Title. Colombian Heat and James Riggs circle each other. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. COLE It's a stalemate as we start this match! Heat and Riggs head to a turnbuckle corner. Riggs goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Colombian Heat fires off with a forearm to the face! JR goes for another punch--BLOCKED AGAIN! Heat fires with two more punches! James Riggs kicks Colombian Heat in the stomach. He then grabs a headlock on Heat. Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs over to the ropes, where he shoves him off. Riggs fires back with a shoulderblock, that takes Colombian Heat down to the mat! JAMES RIGGS YEAH-UH~! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Staci is the only one cheering for James Riggs right now. COACH JR Nation will come around. They will be heard tonight. Riggs yells at Heat to get up. CH slowly gets back to his feet, a little annoyed with Riggs. James motions that "YOU ARE MINE!" before they circle each other once again. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. Once again, the lock up takes them to a turnbuckle corner. Charles Robinson orders for the lock up to be broken up before the count of 5. Riggs breaks it up at 3. He then punches Heat in the face! He then does it again! And again! "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" Riggs punches Heat some more, and then blows a kiss to Staci at ringside. James Riggs punches Heat, knocking him down. He then grabs Colombian Heat, and applies an arm-wringer on his left arm. COACH That's it, James! Use your keen submission skills to put Heat away! Cinch it tight! Riggs taunts Heat while applying the arm-wringer. Heat gets up, so JR pulls on the arm, bringing him back down! Heat gets up again, so Riggs pulls him back down again! RIGGS WHO SUCKS NOW!? COACH You sure don't, Riggs! JR pulls Heat up by his head, and then drags him back down to the mat using his Colombian flag bandana as leverage! He tweaks the arm...until Colombian Heat KIPS UP~!, backflips, and then KIPS UP~! again! Heat reverses the arm-wringer into one of his own! He then kicks Riggs in the stomach, then in the chest, and then finishes with a spinning heel kick, knocking James Riggs to the mat for the first time in this match! COLE And James Riggs goes down! Staci looks on concerned. Riggs is able to pull himself back up, so Colombian Heat grabs JR's right arm and twists it into an arm-wringer. He turns the arm-wringer into a headlock. Heat cinches the hold tight. Riggs takes Heat to the ropes, where he shoves him off. Riggs fires back with a shoulderblock, taking Colombian Heat down to the mat! JR then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Colombian Heat, then bounces off the opposite ropes, into a Colombian Heat leapfrog! Riggs bounces off the ropes again, and Heat grabs him, trying for a hiptoss. James won't budge, so Heat punches James in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, and then does a backflip. Riggs goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks the clothesline...only to get hit with another clothesline on the rebound! COACH YES! Phenomonal wrestling from James Riggs! That's your new US Champion right there! COLE He hasn't won the match yet, Coach. COACH He will. Watch. Riggs plays to the crowd, and then goes for the cover. 1... 2... KICK OUT! Riggs sneers at the referee. He then gets up and starts stomping on Colombian Heat. Riggs picks Heat up. A scoop and a slam puts Heat back down. JR follows that up with an elbow to the head, and two more for fun. JR goes back to playing to the crowd, and that leads to another "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" chant. Riggs chuckles at the chant. COACH How can these fans chant that? Look at what he's doing to their hero, Colombian Heat! COLE These fans are not appreciative of James' attitude nor his actions towards Colombian Heat these past few months. COACH They're just jealous, is all. Colombian Heat starts to get up, so Riggs helps him, and then punches him in the face. The punches take Heat to a turnbuckle corner. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" James Riggs whips Heat into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs charges forward...Colombian Heat moves out of the way! Riggs hits the turnbuckle, sternum-first! Riggs collapses onto the mat. Heat then walks with a swagger towards the turnbuckle, lifting his feet to rest on the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Colombian Heat with some taunting of his own! COACH Look how cocky he is! He doesn't have the talent to back it up! COLE Some might see differently. COACH Well, they're wrong! Colombian Heat chuckles and then gets back on the mat. Staci sneers at Colombian Heat from the outside. Heat picks James Riggs up. He punches Riggs in the face several times, and then whips Riggs into a turnbuckle corner. Heat charges forward. Riggs jumps up, and Heat hits the turnbuckle--NO! Heat stops in his tracks! Riggs lands on his feet, and points to his head to show how smart he is...only to get popped right in the jaw when he turns around by Colombian Heat! COLE Not really smart there! Heat picks James Riggs up and sends him to the turnbuckle. He then unleashes a combination of chops and punches on the current double champion. Heat then switches to martial arts kicks all over James Riggs' body. Heat finishes with a jumping back kick to the jaw! Riggs' slumps down onto the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. COLE Uh-oh! COACH Uh-oh is right! This move should be illegal! The crowd comes alive. Heat motions to the crowd that he's going to do it! Colombian Heat jogs over to the opposite turnbuckle and sizes Riggs up. Staci shakes her head. Heat does the "low-rider" hand gesture, and then charges forward. COLE It could be Broncobuster time! Colombian Heat does the Broncobuster! DING! James Riggs holds his right foot up so that when Colombian Heat jumps up for the Broncobuster, his groin meets the foot! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HE GOT HIM GOOD! HE GOT HIM GOOD WITH THAT! COLE Colombian Heat made a bad landing right there! Staci applauds her husband on the outside. James takes a few seconds to recover, and then pulls himself up using the top rope. Riggs chuckles while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, clutching his groin. COLE James saw it coming! His past matches with Heat played into that move! COACH That was great! Finally, someone put an end to that damn Broncobuster! JR made sure he was never going to take that move EVER again! JR drops a knee onto Heat's face! He then taunts Heat, and then walks with a swagger back to the turnbuckle he was before where he lifts his feet up to rest on the top turnbuckle pad! The crowd BOOS loudly! COACH Oh yeah! Look at James Riggs. Ain't he cool? COLE James Riggs taunting Colombian Heat like he usually does. JR mouths, "It's too easy! It's too easy!" Staci nods accordingly. JR yells out, "I'VE GOT HIM, COACH!" COACH You sure do, James! You sure do! COLE Why don't the two of you just get married? COACH I can't. Polygamy is illegal in this country, right? Riggs puts his feet back on the mat. He does a SHIMMY~!, which only further serves to piss the crowd off. He picks Colombian Heat up and applies a headlock on him. He still mouths, "Too easy!" while cinching the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs into the ropes. He shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Heat goes for a hiptoss-NO! JR won't budge. Riggs goes for a hiptoss-NO! Heat won't budge! Riggs goes for another hiptoss! Heat still won't budge. Riggs kicks Heat in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, does a backflip--and gets poked in the eyes! COACH Hey! COLE Oh look at that, Coach! COACH I am looking! I don't know if James can look now though! Riggs covers his eyes in pain. He bounces off the ropes. Heat goes for a hiptoss--BLOCKED by Riggs! Heat kicks Riggs in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, and then does a backflip. Riggs goes for a punch--Heat blocks the punch, and fires with one of his own! The punches take Riggs to a turnbuckle corner. Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face, and then whips James Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat stops in his tracks and then jumps up when JR charges towards him. Riggs stops in his tracks, but turns around and gets punched in the face, knocking him down! COLE Colombian Heat is on fire as this match continues! COACH Again with the Heat puns! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up, whipping him into the ropes. This time he is able to fire off with a hiptoss! JR gets up, so Colombian Heat charges forward, clotheslining James Riggs over the top rope and onto the floor! Heat followed JR over the top rope, but saves himself by holding the top rope. He then skins the cat back inside the ring! Colombian Heat does a SHIMMY~! and the crowd cheers! COLE The crowd is 100% behind Colombian Heat as he looks to capture three titles all at once! COACH What an insult! Doing a SHIMMY~! That's James Riggs move! COLE Since when? COACH Since tonight! COLE Oh come on! Staci checks on James on the outside. Riggs is still lying on the protective mats. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" The referee has started his 10 count. Colombian Heat paces around the ring. COLE Riggs better hurry up and get back into the ring, or else there will be no United States Champion tonight! COACH But Riggs will still keep his X-Division and 24/7 Titles right? COLE Yes, but-- COACH STAY DOWN! "4!" "5!" "6!" "7!" "8!" "9!" Finally, Colombian Heat exits the ring, picks James Riggs up by his hair, and throws him back into the ring! Heat climbs the top turnbuckle and waits for James Riggs to get up. When he does, Heat jumps off the top with a double axehandle--James Riggs punches Heat in the stomach, knocking him down! COACH Excellent move by James Riggs! That was pure James Riggs right there! Riggs covers Heat. 1... 2... KICK OUT! COACH What!? COLE It was a two count, Coach. COACH I know that, dummy! Riggs gets up, sneering at the crowd. He then picks Heat up and throws him onto the second ring rope. Riggs heads to the opposite ropes and blows a kiss to Staci, before charging forward and dropping his weight down onto Colombian Heat's shoulders! COLE All of James Riggs went onto Colombian Heat right there! Colombian Heat falls onto the mat. James Riggs picks Colombian Heat up. He gives him a snapmare takeover onto the mat. Riggs then applies a chinlock on Colombian Heat. COLE Colombian Heat being weakened as this match progresses. COACH James Riggs has managed to ground Colombian Heat. He ain't doing no high-flying moves right now! Riggs taunts Heat while applying the chinlock. Staci applauds James, saying, "That's right, baby! You got him! This match is yours!" Heat is breathing hard right now. "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" Referee Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat. Heat's eyes are glazed over. Heat motions for the crowd to chant louder. They do so. COACH Will someone tell these fans to pipe down? James Riggs is trying to win this match! The fans clap in unison. That is enough for Heat to start shaking his fists. COLE Listen to the crowd here. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows James Riggs blocking the Broncobuster with his right foot. COACH Listen to that groan! That was awesome! HA HA HA! Heat continues shaking his fists. Riggs throws Heat onto the mat, still applying the chinlock. Charles Robinson checks on Heat still. CHARLES ROBINSON What do you say? Do you give up? JAMES RIGGS He said YES! He said YES! Heat looks weakened, so Charles Robinson checks Heat's left arm. He lifts the arm up in the air. It drops. "ONE!" COLE James Riggs is cutting the circulation to Colombian Heat's brain! COACH And he's a few seconds away from becoming the NEW United States Champion! Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat again as he appears to be unconscious. Charles Robinson lifts Heat's left arm into the air again. It drops. "TWO!" COLE History could be made in just a few moments! The crowd is getting antsy. They start clapping in unison again. Staci is grabbing the ring apron, trying to contain her excitement, so as not to jinx James. Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat once again. COACH Here comes title number three! COLE James Riggs is one second away from becoming the first United States Champion! The crowd is at a fever pitch. Charles Robinson lifts Colombian Heat's left arm into the air for a third time. It drops. NO! Colombian Heat holds on! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Damn! Heat's fists start shaking again. He immediately sits up, still trapped in the devastating chinlock. Staci is shaking her head, while James is shocked. The crowd cheers louder and louder. Heat gets on his right knee, still shaking his fists. He lets out a primal scream, and then elbows Riggs in the stomach! He does it three more times before Riggs finally lets go of the chinlock. Colombian Heat grabs James Riggs, and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes--NO! Heat holds onto the ropes just as Riggs does a standing dropkick! Riggs hits the mat, getting nothing but air! COLE Whoa! Bad landing for the 24/7 and X-Division Champion right there! Riggs holds his legs in pain. When he turns around, Colombian Heat punches Riggs in the face! Colombian Heat whips Riggs into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat almost hits Staci, who is on the ring apron! Staci SLAPS Colombian Heat across the face! COLE Staci with a hard slap across the face! COACH Yeah! Get him Staci! Colombian Heat stumbles from the slap. Riggs punches Heat in the face several times. COLE These two men have been engaged in a bitter rivalry since the summer, and it might just end tonight! Riggs whips Heat into a turnbuckle corner. Heat is able to run up onto the second rope. When he does this, James Riggs ducks down, thinking a high-flying move is in order. However, Heat stays still on the second rope and watches Riggs make a fool of himself. JR gets back up and points to his head to show how smart he is... COACH No he's not there, JR, he's still on the ropes! But then James Riggs turns around, and Colombian Heat leaps off the top rope, doing a sunset flip on JR! BUT WAIT! James Riggs hangs on! COLE Is he gonna fall? Is he gonna fall? James Riggs waves his hands in the air, desperately trying to keep his balance. And then finally, James punches Heat in the face--Heat moves out of the way, and James hits nothing but the mat! COLE He moved out of the way in lighting quick time! James holds his right hand in pain from the failed punch. Colombian Heat gets up and waits to attack. Riggs continues holding his hand and walks back to the same turnbuckle corner Heat was at just a few seconds ago. Colombian Heat sees this and charges forward. James Riggs is able to counter attack, giving Colombian Heat a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop OVER the turnbuckle and onto the floor! COLE OH MY GOD! COACH WHOA! COLE Colombian Heat FLEW on that one! He just went out of the ring! The crowd is shocked at what they just saw! Colombian Heat lies flat on his back on the protective mats on the outside. "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" COLE Unbelievable! COACH That's it! That's it for Colombian Heat! James Riggs rests on the turnbuckle, while Colombian Heat still lies on the outside, holding his back in pain. COLE That might be the end of the match for Colombian Heat! How can he quite possibly come back from that!? COACH He can't, Cole! He's done for! He's finished! Staci applauds James. COLE Let's see that one again. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows James Riggs backdropping Colombian Heat over the turnbuckle and onto the floor. COACH Can we see that one again? I want to see it REAL slow! We once again see the back body drop in super slow motion. COACH HA HA! That was great. James Riggs exits the ring and grabs Colombian Heat. JR charges with Heat, slamming his head on the top ring step! He does it again! And again! Heat collapses onto the aisle. COLE Colombian Heat looks COMPLETELY out of it! He might have just seen his chances at becoming United States Champion go down the drain! COACH Just like the New York Mets just saw their chance at a World Series ring go up in smoke today, Colombian Heat's chance at becoming United States Champ is about to go up in smoke! COLE I don't really know if you can compare the New York Mets collapse with Colombian Heat. COACH I just did! Riggs slides back into the ring to break the 10 count, and then rolls back out. He then picks Colombian Heat up and throws him back into the ring. COLE What resilience from Colombian Heat! That he's still up after that fall! That he's still walking! James Riggs goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE And referee Charles Robinson only got two and a half. COACH Slow count. Riggs is pissed with the count and talks about it with the referee. JR argues with the referee in a turnbuckle corner. The ref still maintains it was a two count. COLE James Riggs' got a real attitude problem. COACH Well, he's a double champion, the ref better realize that! James Riggs picks Colombian Heat up. He places him in a facelock, puts Heat's right arm over his head, and grabs his orange basketball shorts, lifting Heat up and dropping him with a Gordbuster! COLE Oh my! A Gordbuster from James Riggs! COACH That'll do. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! COLE A count of two is all James Riggs could get out of Colombian Heat! COACH Come on Riggs! Don't let that slow ref stop you! You've got a US Title to win tonight at Zero Hour! Riggs says, "COME ON REF!" His long blonde hair becoming all wild and frizzy. JR stomps on Colombian Heat, in between taunting him. COACH Come on JR! This is your night! JR Nation is watching! Staci is watching! The whole world is watching! Don't screw it up! COLE How many people are in JR Nation, by the way? COACH Well, I'm member number 3423567 if that means anything. COLE Right. JR picks CH up. He grabs his left hand and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes, into an Abdominal Stretch from James Riggs! COLE Abdominal Stretch! Colombian Heat is in trouble! COACH His back is already hurt from that fall. This won't do him any favors! James Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat screams out in pain. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" The thousands in attendance chant for one of their favorite OAOAST Superstars. But James Riggs still has the Abdominal Stretch locked tight, and is telling the referee, "Ask him if he quits!" Charles Robinson is indeed checking up on Colombian Heat, as Staci watches on from the outside. COACH Sooner or later, Colombian Heat will fall! He's got him now, Cole! The US Title is about to have James Riggs written on the nameplate! Staci grabs ahold of James' right hand, further irritating the crowd. COACH They're cheering him! They're cheering him! COLE What? Come on now! Staci continues holding onto James' hand, making the Abdominal Stretch feel worse. That is until Charles Robinson catches Staci in the middle of the act! He orders her to stop and she does. COACH He gave up! I heard him give up! Come on referee! Can you not hear that!? Charles Robinson checks on Heat. A "LET'S GO HEAT" chant starts up again. COACH All James Riggs has to do now is keep the pressure on Colombian Heat and the United States Title is his for the taking! James Riggs continues cinching the Abdominal Stretch tight. Heat is getting more and more weakened as time goes on. Staci cheers James on. COLE The United States Title will be going home with one of these men tonight. COACH And hopefully that man is the one with the hot wife. Not the one who lives all by his pathetic lonesome. Colombian Heat shakes his head, refusing to give up. Staci once again grabs Riggs' right hand, but Charles Robinson catches her, and kicks her hand, stopping the hold. COACH He hit a woman! He hit a woman! COLE He did not! He just kicked her hand! COACH He hit a woman! That's assault! He should be arrested! That's a crime he just did! COLE Coach, you're overreacting! COACH I AM NOT OVERREACTING! Colombian Heat hiptosses James Riggs, finally stopping the Abdominal Stretch! Heat picks James Riggs up and punches Riggs in the face several times. He then gives Riggs an Irish whip into the ropes. Heat puts his head down, so Riggs grabs him, puts him a facelock, and gives Colombian Heat a jumping DDT! COACH That did it! That did it! James Riggs is going to become the first United States Champion! JR covers Heat. 1...2...KICK OUT!!! COLE Colombian Heat's still in this match! COACH Oh come on now! What is wrong with this official? James Riggs lets out an audible groan. Staci slaps the mat, trying to get her man back in this match. Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and takes him over to the second ring rope, dropping his throat on top of it. Riggs then pushes his right knee onto the back of Heat's neck, choking him on the second rope! COACH That's it! You got it now, Riggs! Charles Robinson orders James to stop the choking. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Riggs stops choking, and the referee scolds him for the choking. While this is going on, Staci is choking Colombian Heat some more on the second rope! COLE Now stop this! This isn't right! Staci is just choking Heat behind the ref's back! COACH Staci was just trying to convince Colombian Heat to give up! COLE Oh come on! COACH He's begging for mercy now! Colombian Heat should have given up 5 minutes ago! COLE Staci helping out her husband. You know she wants to go home with a US Champion tonight! COACH Of course she does! What kind of idiotic statement is that? James walks to the opposite side of the ring while Staci chokes Colombian Heat. The crowd boos loudly, furious at the cheating going on behind the referee's back! Staci finally stops choking Heat when the referee turns around. Riggs winks at Staci, who blushes. JR goes back to pushing his right knee onto the back of Colombian Heat's neck, while blowing kisses at Staci at the same time. Charles Robinson orders JR to stop choking Heat. Riggs stops at the count of four. He then walks to the opposite side of the ring again. As Charles Robinson scolds him, Staci once again chokes Colombian Heat on the second ring rope! COLE This is getting nidicolous now! COACH That damn referee is reading James Riggs the Riot Act! COLE Yeah, and Staci is taking full advantage of it! COACH Not that I'm complaining! Staci continues choking Colombian Heat...but Heat moves out of the way just as James Riggs looks to drive his weight down on Colombian Heat again! COACH Oh no! Riggs holds his groin in pain, yelling "OW! OW! OW! OW!" Heat grabs Riggs from behind and shoves him into the ropes. Heat and Riggs bounce off the ropes into a rollup! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE A close fall right there! Both men get up at the same time. Heat grabs Riggs and slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad. Heat whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle--Riggs reverses--Short-armed clothesline puts Heat down on the mat! Riggs then applies a reverse chinlock on Heat. COLE And Riggs once again going to the submission holds. COACH That's how he won the X-Division Title, and that's how he's going to win the United States Title tonight! Riggs sneers at the crowd while applying the reverse chinlock. Heat winces in pain while in the hold. Staci applauds her husband. COLE Colombian Heat, you can sense that he's getting weaker as the match gets longer! COACH Obviously, Cole. James Riggs has delivered one hell of a beating on him! Charles Robinson asks Heat if he gives up. Heat says, "HELL NAW!" JAMES RIGGS GIVE UP! "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" The fans chant in their attempt to rally Colombian Heat. But James Riggs has the reverse chinlock on tight on the mat. COLE This match could be nearing its end! COACH It is, Cole! It is! Suddenly, Heat's fists start shaking. Riggs holds on, even as Heat's legs start moving. Colombian Heat's fists start shaking violently. Riggs shakes his head refusing to believe this is happening again. CH turns to his side. JR stands up. Heat gets on his left knee, still in the reverse chinlock. Colombian Heat gets to a vertical base, still caught in the reverse chinlock. Heat elbows Riggs in the stomach! He does it again, breaking the hold! Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! The punches take Riggs to a turnbuckle corner. Colombian Heat gets on the second turnbuckle and looks to the crowd! "1!" "2!" "3!" "4!" "5!" "6!" "7!" "8!" "9!" "10!" "11!" COLE This bitter rivalry boiling over tonight at Zero Hour! Colombian Heat whips uses the second rope to springboard up and kick James Riggs in the jaw! He then whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle. Colombian Heat charges forward. He goes for a seated senton...but James Riggs moves out of the way, and Colombian Heat's ass hits the top turnbuckle pad! Heat collapses onto the mat, face-first! COACH A HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Oh man! COLE Colombian Heat almost took out the cameraman right there! COACH He should have, and the cameraman should have sued him for everything he's got! COLE Ain't a surprising comment coming from you, but anyway, Colombian Heat is once again down! You can say he has taken the burnt of the punishment in this match-up! COACH You can say that again! COLE You can say he has taken the burnt of the punishment in this match-up! COACH Shut up, Cole. James Riggs is now a little groggy. As Staci yells for James to "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" JR, breathing hard, picks Colombian Heat up so that he can give him a bodyslam onto the mat. James then climbs the second rope and sits up. He jumps off, driving his right fist into Colombian Heat's face! James goes for the cover. It gets two. COLE And Colombian Heat reaches down deep to get that left shoulder up! COACH Damn it! James Riggs gets into the referee's face. He yells at Charles Robinson for all his two counts thus far in this match. But Lil' Naitch retains his cool, maintaining he's been calling this match right down the middle. COACH That referee's hand had to be a quarter of an inch away from the mat. Look at this. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Colombian Heat's attempted seated senton onto James Riggs. COACH Oh man! COLE He fell right back on his neck and his head. And he has a history of neck problems. COACH And after tonight, he'll have some more! James Riggs picks Heat up. He gives him a backbreaker! Riggs goes for the cover. It gets two. JR gets up and grabs Colombian Heat's legs. He crosses them, and then turns him over, after some stalling from Heat, and applies a Texas Cloverleaf on Heat! COLE Texas Cloverleaf! Could *this* be the end? COACH He's got him! He's got him now! Colombian Heat is going down! Riggs has the Texas Cloverleaf applied in the middle of the ring! Colombian Heat is screaming in pain, while Staci is nodding her head. The crowd is going nuts, begging for Colombian Heat not to tap out! JAMES RIGGS TAP! COME ON TAP! COLE James Riggs looking to become the first United States Champion! He can do it if he can make Colombian Heat tap out! COACH DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat. Heat is shaking his head no. COLE Full pressure applied on the injured lower back of Colombian Heat. That fall from earlier might have screwed up his back pretty badly! COACH This is the death blow! It's about damn time, too! Riggs continues applying the Texas Cloverleaf. Colombian Heat moves an inch, so James pulls Heat further away from the ropes! Staci yells for Riggs to keep the hold applied as the crowd fires up once again. COACH Well, does he give up? COLE Doesn't look like it, Coach. COACH Oh come on! Charles Robinson asks Heat if he's ready to tap out. Heat shakes his head. Riggs stands up in a modified version of the Texas Cloverleaf. Heat still won't give up. COLE Can you imagine the pain Colombian Heat must be going through right now? COACH No, and frankly I don't want to! Heat still refuses to tap out. James Riggs moves Colombian Heat onto his back. He reaches down...and gets punched in the face to a pop! Heat punches him again, and the Texas Cloverleaf is finally broken. Riggs stumbles, holding his face, while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, holding his back in pain. COLE Colombian Heat has escaped the Texas Cloverleaf! He still has a chance in this match-up! COACH Not much of a chance, though. COLE But as long as the bell hasn't rung, he still has a chance! COACH HA! Good one, Cole. Both men slowly get up. Riggs goes to grab Heat. PELE KICK~!!! COLE The Pele Kick! He hit the Pele Kick! COACH Aw! He can hit it from anywhere! Riggs and Heat both lie on the mat, breathing hard. Heat slowly gets up first. COLE Heat might be making the signs of a comeback! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, and despite feeling fatigued, he smiles. Heat picks JR up. Staci is now starting to worry. Heat punches Riggs in the face. He does it again! And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then punches James Riggs for a fourth time, knocking him down to the mat! COLE Shake, Rattle & Roll from Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat follows that up by bouncing off the ropes, doing a SHIMMY~!, and then dropping a knee onto James Riggs' face! COLE Shaky Leg Kneedrop from Colombian Heat! Heat goes for the cover. It gets two. Heat picks JR up and whips him into the ropes. Riggs counters by jumping up and scissoring Heat with his legs. But instead of a crucifix pin, Riggs drops to the mat and goes for a rollup! COLE Is Heat gonna fall? COACH Get him! Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face! He then drops down for the pin. 1... 2... JAMES RIGGS REVERSES!!! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE Almost the count of three! Both men get up. James Riggs hits Heat with a standing dropkick, knocking him down! COACH Oh! Right in the face! Riggs goes for the cover. COLE Could this be it? 1! 2! 3! Hegothimnohedidn't. COACH What the hell is wrong with this referee? Can he count to 3 or what? Riggs looks pissed off at the referee. But it is yet another 2 count. Staci urges her man to continue on in this match-up. James does so, picking Heat up and whipping him into the ropes. He goes for a back elbow. Heat ducks, bounces off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, bounces off the opposite ropes, and gets caught in a sleeperhold! COACH That's it! This is the end! This is the end of this match! COLE Colombian Heat caught in yet another submission hold from James Riggs! Heat flails his arms around, desperately trying to grab anything. But then, Riggs simply throws Colombian Heat down onto the mat. Staci is confused at this. COLE Wait? What's Riggs doing? Heat continues lying on the mat while James exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COLE It looks like James Riggs is going to fly! COACH All right! He's gonna show the world that he's a better high-flyer than Colombian Heat! COLE I don't know. I don't recall James Riggs doing much high-flying recently. COACH That's because he's been saving it for a special moment! Like right now! JR carefully positions himself on the top rope. He stands straight up and looks at the crowd. He then looks down at Colombian Heat and sneers at him. Riggs looks a little unsure of himself, but he takes a deep breath, and blows a kiss to Staci, who receives it. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of James' next move. COLE James Riggs is taking a huge risk. COACH Look out below! James Riggs taunts the fans, and then jumps off the top rope, doing a SWANTON BOMB~!!! HEAT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! JAMES RIGGS CRASHES ONTO THE MAT~!!!!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO! OH MAN! COLE Well, it looks like James Riggs is going to regret stopping the Sleeperhold to do a Swanton Bomb! COACH Not if he wins the United States Title he won't! Colombian Heat is kissing the canvas, while James Riggs is lying flat on his back. Both men are sweating and breathing hard. Charles Robinson starts his 10 count. COLE Both men have given it their all in this match-up, all to become the first United States Champion! COACH Come on, James! Get up! There's still hope! You haven't been pinned or tapped out yet! "4!" "5!" "6!" COLE If there's a double countout, there is NO United States Champion! COACH But James Riggs keeps the 24/7 and X-Division Titles, right? COLE Yes, but-- COACH This is a tough one! COLE Both men have taken a tremendous amount of punishment in this match! If JR hit that move, then I'm pretty sure Colombian Heat would be even more out of it than he already is! COACH He'd be flat as a pancake! "7!" "8!" Colombian Heat gets his left shoulder up. "9!" Colombian Heat sits up. COLE And at 9! The referee says let's wrestle! COACH Good. At least now James Riggs has a better chance of becoming US Champ! Colombian Heat crawls over to the fallen James Riggs. The crowd is rooting him on fiercely. COACH Get up, James Riggs! Get up! COLE Heat inching his way over! A cover! 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!!! CROWD *GROAN!* COACH Oh thank God. COLE That wasn't it. That wasn't it. We could barely see the right shoulder of JR get up just in the nick of time! The match still continues! Staci breathes a sigh of relief. Heat and Riggs slowly get up. COLE This match is anyone's for the taking! COACH It's Riggs for the taking! Both men are at a vertical base. Riggs goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Heat punches James Riggs! He punches him again! And again! And again! The punches takes Riggs to the ropes. Heat whips JR into the ropes. He fires with a spinning wheel kick! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up and punches him in the face some more! He keeps doing it, and then gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--NO--Riggs reverses--Riggs goes for a clothesline, Heat ducks, Heat bounces off the opposite ropes, and hits a leg lariat on Riggs! Colombian Heat KIPS UP~! to a loud pop from the crowd! COLE And now Colombian Heat is really fired up! Heat plays to the crowd, who respond with cheers. COACH Oh no. This isn't good. This isn't good at all! Colombian Heat punches Riggs, knocking him down! James Riggs gets up, so Colombian Heat knocks him down again! James Riggs gets up again, so Colombian Heat grabs him and slams his face on the top turnbuckle pad! *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Colombian Heat punches Riggs. Then chops him across the chest! Then a punch! Then a chop! A punch! Then a chop! Heat unleashes a combination of chops and punches all over James Riggs, and then switches to martial arts kicks all over his body! The kicks get James good and hurt so that Heat can do a jumping back kick to James' jaw! The kick sends Riggs down onto the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. The crowd cheers. COACH Oh no. Not again. COLE Will he get it this time? Staci is cringing. Colombian Heat plays to the cheering crowd, and then jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle corner. Heat does the "low-rider" hand gesture, and then charges forward. Broncobuster connects! COLE He got it this time! COACH Damn! He got him! Staci cringes with every thrust. Heat gets off of James and does a SHIMMY~! to a pop! Heat pulls James Riggs out from the turnbuckle, and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs hits the turnbuckle HARD! Riggs stumbles out, so Heat hits him with a clothesline! JR gets back up, so Heat hits him with another clothesline! Riggs gets right back up, so Heat nails him with another clothesline! And a fourth! And a fifth! And a sixth! And a seven! And an eighth! And a ninth! COLE Colombian Heat is bringing it to a whole other level! COACH I don't like this! Heat stomps on Riggs, and then exits the ring. He climbs the top rope. Staci looks on as Heat gets himself position on the top ring rope. COLE Colombian Heat is on the top rope! COACH Look out Riggs! James Riggs slowly gets up. He takes a deep breath. When he gets close, Colombian Heat leaps off the top rope with a picture perfect missile dropkick! COLE Missile Dropkick connects! Then, Colombian Heat sits up. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh no. Not this crap again! Colombian Heat looks at his right hand. He seems transfixed by it. Suddenly, the hand starts shaking. Heat is hypnotized by the hand. COLE He's feeling it! He's feeling it! COACH Words cannot describe how much I hate this move. Heat is nearly foaming at the mouth. His head starts shaking. It's like he's having a seizure. The crowd is at a fever pitch. COLE It's now time for the most illignest move in professional wrestling! COACH What? Come on now! Colombian Heat stops shaking, and then outstretches his arms. HEAT & CROWD WASSSSSUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP! Colombian Heat does a Spinaroonie to a LOUD pop from the crowd! COLE Spinaroonie! Spinaroonie! Spinaroonie! COACH Somebody shoot me now. COLE The crowd loves it when Colombian Heat does the Spinaroonie! COACH The crowd is full of idiots. Heat stands up, and then quickly covers James Riggs. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! COACH Should have gone for the pin AFTER the missile dropkick, numbnuts! COLE He did not get him! I thought that was it! But he did NOT get the pin! The crowd, as well as Colombian Heat, are disappointed that that wasn't the finish. Heat puts up three fingers, but the ref maintains it was only two fingers. A small "THAT WAS THREE!" chant starts up. Heat gets up, and picks James Riggs up by his hair. He nails him with a forearm shot to the face. He then scoops him up and gives him a slam down onto the mat! COLE What do you have to do to beat James Riggs? What do you have to do to beat Colombian Heat? Colombian Heat exits the ring and climbs the top rope. Staci is fretting on the outside. Heat slowly positions himself on the top turnbuckle. James Riggs is perfectly laid out flat on the mat. COLE He's going to go the top! High-risk maneuver coming up! Colombian Heat is crouched on the top rope. He stands up, looks down at Riggs, and then looks at the crowd. He looks at Riggs one more time, before jumping off the top rope doing a SKY TWISTER PRESS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT CONNECTS~! COLE Straight From Da Street! We haven't seen that from Colombian Heat in a long time! COACH No! No! No! Tell me that this isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! The crowd explodes with cheers! Colombian Heat takes a moment to catch his breath, and then makes the cover! COLE Could this be it? ONE! TWO! LEFT SHOULDER UP! COACH No! No! No! No! No! No! COLE THAT wasn't enough to put James Riggs away! COACH If that won't do it, nothing else will! Colombian Heat is stunned that that wasn't the finish. COACH He didn't get him, Cole! COLE Unbelievable! Unbelievable! COACH The tide is turning, Cole! Things are going to start going James Riggs way! That US Title is his for the taking! He's getting it tonight! COLE It can happen. We've practically seen it all in this match! Colombian Heat takes a deep breath and gets up. He picks James Riggs up by his hair. Heat slams Riggs' face on the top turnbuckle pad. Heat then whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs hits the turnbuckle HARD! Colombian Heat charges forward. Riggs puts his feet up, but Heat surprises everybody by sliding underneath Riggs' feet and running so that he's behind him on the outside! Heat then grabs Riggs' legs and pulls on them, causing James to hit the mat! STACI No! No! Colombian Heat has a hold of James Riggs' feet. Heat looks at the crowd. He smiles. COLE Uh-oh. COACH OH NO! Despite Staci's protests, Colombian Heat pulls back on the feet, causing James Riggs' groin to meet the ring post! COACH AAH! Now James and Staci will never be able to have children! COLE I think that's the least of Colombian Heat's worries right about now! James' reaction is about the one you'd expect from a guy who just got hit in the groin with a steel post. Riggs is still in the same position, his legs wrapped around the ring post. Colombian Heat takes the opportunity to laugh at Riggs' misery. COACH It's not funny! COLE It is to Colombian Heat! COACH So what? He doesn't count! Riggs crawls out, slowly, and cringes with each step he takes. Charles Robinson checks on James Riggs once he's completely away from the ring post and holding his Johnson. Staci is having a fit on the outside, but Colombian Heat is not paying attention to her at all, which is sorta surprising, considering how beautiful she is. Heat is instead climbing the ropes. COLE Colombian Heat going up top once more! James Riggs is now lying on the mat. Charles Robinson is checking up on him, and Riggs is explaining that his groin is in horrible pain. As he does this, he gives some sort of symbol to Staci, who proceeds to shake the top ring rope, causing Colombian Heat to lose his balance and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle! COACH Turnabout's fairplay! COLE Staci once again interfering for her husband, in this most important match-up! COACH All right! That's how you do it! HA! HA! HA! Colombian Heat is still crotched on the top rope. James Riggs is still on the mat, but he is telling the referee that he is feeling better. COLE Colombian Heat is in a precarious situation! COACH And James Riggs is getting up! Indeed, James Riggs is getting up, a little faster than usual. Riggs punches Heat in the face a few times, and then climbs the second rope. He punches Heat some more. Riggs then places Heat in a front facelock. He then places Colombian Heat's left arm over his head. He then finishes by grabbing Heat's shorts. Riggs then climbs the top rope himself. COLE James Riggs meeting Colombian Heat up top! COACH Here it comes! James Riggs jumps off the top rope with Colombian Heat, doing a SUPERPLEX onto the mat! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Right from the top! COACH You asked the question, Cole. Well, this is the answer! This is what you have to do to beat Colombian Heat! James Riggs does the cutthroat sign, and then heads to a turnbuckle corner. COLE Here we go! He could be going for it! He could be going for the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH James Riggs is about to become the first United States Champion! The crowd boos loudly. And I do mean LOUDLY. JR motions for Heat to get up, getting impatient with the Colombian superstar. Staci can barely contain her excitement at the prospect of James Riggs winning another title in a 4 week span. Colombian Heat slowly starts to get up, struggling to sit upright. COLE Colombian Heat lost the 24/7 Title this way two weeks ago! And it looks like he might lose his chance at becoming United States Champion this way! COACH It's over! This match is over! No way Heat's going to escape this! He couldn't two times before! COLE Well, at AngleSlam-- COACH ENOUGH, Cole! The crowd is trying to warn Heat of his impending doom. But Heat is too busy sitting up to pay attention. CH then gets to his left knee as James and Staci (im)patiently wait for Heat to get up. COLE A new Champion will be crowned for the first time tonight! Who will that be? Colombian Heat or James Riggs? COACH It's going to be Riggs! It's going to be Riggs! Colombian Heat gets to his left knee. He then slowly starts to stand up straight. COLE James Riggs eyeing Colombian Heat like a predator stalking his prey! He can taste the United States Title right now! COACH He wants the US Title more than anything right now! And he's gonna get it! COLE We shall see, in just a few moments! Colombian Heat slowly stands upright. Heat is tired, in pain, winded, and perspiring. James Riggs is hunched over on the turnbuckle. Staci has an evil smile on her face. She nods. James smiles an evil smile. A hush silence falls over the crowd as James Riggs charges forward. COACH This is what got him his belts! This is what he's used to beat Colombian Heat! Riggs does a forward roll, and then smashes his right foot right into Colombian Heat's-- NO! Heat ducks the kick! Heat grabs Riggs from behind... BONG HIT~! COLE The Bong Hit! Heat ducked the Rolling Koppou Kick, and hit the Bong Hit! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat makes the cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH That was scary. That was scary right there! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up...and Riggs grabs Heat and nails him with an Atomic Drop! Riggs hits the ropes, and nails Heat with a clothesline! COLE Oh! That ain't good for Heat! Riggs taunts Colombian Heat, and then grabs his right foot, dragging him to the center of the ring. He spins around--Colombian Heat kicks JR in the ass (literally), causing him to crash right into Charles Robinson knocking him out! The crowd groans. COLE Oh! And the referee has been knocked out of this contest! COACH He shouldn't have been standing that close, that idiot! Heat, Charles Robinson, and James Riggs all lie on the mat. The crowd is still hot. Staci is worried for James. COLE We've got THREE men down! And that's not going to do either James or Colombian Heat any good. You can only win the United States Title via pinfall or submission! No other alternatives! COACH (through teeth) James better hurry up. He's got a new belt to win! COLE James Riggs knocked out the referee when he went for the Figure Four Leglock. COACH But Heat pushed him into the referee. Remember that! COLE Yes, that part is true. COACH You can't deny it! Staci slaps the mat in frustration. Heat, Riggs, and the referee are still on the mat. COACH Can I be the referee? COLE No. You don't have a license! COACH A trained monkey can do this job! COLE Well--no. I'll just get sued for racial discrimination for that comment! Staci is nearly pulling her hair out. James Riggs pushes himself up. Colombian Heat starts to move his arms. He then goes to his side. The crowd is getting hotter. Riggs is on his knees. Staci is going nuts. COACH Uh-oh! Uh-oh! This doesn't look too good! COLE Both men are getting up. But which man will get up first? Colombian Heat is on his right knee. Heat slowly stands up. COACH Uh-oh! Look out James Riggs! Colombian Heat gets into position to do the Colombian Necktie. The crowd starts clapping in unison. James Riggs is still on his knees. Staci is frantically trying to tell James to look out. COLE If Colombian Heat hits the Colombian Necktie, he's the new United States Champion in addition to being the new 24/7 Champion AND X-Division Champion! COACH Colombian Heat better not be making history here tonight! The crowd is getting louder by the second. Heat is ready for the Colombian Necktie, stalking JR. He yells out, "COME ON!" James Riggs gets to his right knee. STACI CLIPS COLOMBIAN HEAT'S RIGHT KNEE FROM BEHIND! COACH YES! YES! YES! SHE DID IT AGAIN! SHE DID IT AGAIN! STACI, I LOVE YOU GIRL! COLE Oh come on! Staci just clipped Colombian Heat's right knee! The same thing she did two weeks ago that cost Heat the 24/7 Title! COACH You can't prove that. That was a coincidence! Staci runs out of the ring just as soon as Heat falls. She runs back to where she was just a few seconds before. Charles Robinson is still knocked out, so he hasn't seen any of this. Colombian Heat lies on the mat, holding his right knee in pain. COLE And you gotta believe that that knee still isn't 100%, so Staci might have done even FURTHER damage to that knee! COACH Staci sacrificed herself for her man. She went into the ring, tackled Colombian Heat, and then ran for her life. She did that because she LOVES James Riggs. I wish I had a girl who would do that for me! COLE You wish you had a girl PERIOD, but that's neither here nor there. Colombian Heat is still holding his right knee in pain. Riggs is still on his right knee. He finally gets up and smiles evilly when he looks down at Heat. COLE And now, James Riggs can go for the final blow. He could conceivably nail the Rolling Koppou Kick or apply the Crossface Chickenwing with no problem now! COACH This is his night, Cole! This is his night! James blows a kiss at Staci. Staci blushes. JR picks Colombian Heat up. He punches him in the face. He does it again. And again. Riggs hits Heat with a Russian Legsweep. COACH It's just a matter of time. Look at Colombian Heat. There's nothing left. You can toy with him now, Champ! "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" Riggs goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE Kick out! Not yet! I thought it was over! I thought it was academic after that move, but you can never underestimate the will, the heart of Colombian Heat! James mouths, "Fuck." As the "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" chant continues, James Riggs exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COLE James going up top once again. He didn't do so good the last time he was at the top. COACH Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. See, you're not the only one who can do the corny inspirational cliches. Staci watches as Riggs climbs the top rope. He waits for Colombian Heat to get up. Staci goes ahead and wakes the referee up. COLE Staci helping the referee wake up! COACH And you say she's bad! HA! Get him up! Colombian Heat is on his knees. Staci watches Charles Robinson sit up, dazed and confused. Colombian Heat is on his right knee. The crowd is trying to warn Heat to look up. COLE Look at this! James Riggs is up top! Colombian Heat stands up. James Riggs is crouched on the top rope. He has an evil smile on his face. Colombian Heat turns around. Riggs stands up on the top turnbuckle. James Riggs flies off the top rope with a flying crossbody, which connects with Colombian Heat! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! GOTCHA~!!!! LOL KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH I thought that was it! COLE This crowd thought so too. COACH The ref counted the three! I saw his hand hit the mat! COLE No he didn't. He was close though. The official counted two! Staci can't believe that that wasn't the finish, but the crowd is relieved. James gets up, a little more than slightly annoyed now. He yells at the referee, and then looks at Staci, who throws up her arms as if she doesn't know what to do now. But then James tells her something, and Staci nods her head and gives him a thumbs up. James blows her a kiss, and Staci catches it. COLE The referee counted two. The match continues. COACH COME ON! Colombian Heat starts to get up, so James Riggs helps him up. He then grabs Heat's left hand and gives him an Irish whip--Heat reverses--Riggs bounces off the ropes--STACI TRIPS JAMES! James falls flat on his face! COLE How about that? COACH Oh crap! She doesn't know who she just tripped! Her back was turned! Indeed, Staci wasn't even looking when she grabbed James' right foot. Something she might soon regret as after James stops to tell her to watch who she trips (while Colombian Heat puts his hands around his throat and makes a gagging sound), he turns around...and gets kicked in the stomach. Colombian Heat hooks his arms. COACH NO! Colombian Heat then lifts James up, high into the air. The crowd gets even louder. COACH WHAT!? James Riggs is high in the air, the blood rushing to his head. Staci is standing there shocked, knowing she might have caused this (might?). Colombian Heat has step one of the Colombian Necktie completed. Step two is looking at the crowd, which he does, very excitedly. Heat looks at the crowd, looks up at Riggs, looks at Staci, looks at the referee, and then looks at the crowd once more, before nodding his head and completing step three of the Colombian Necktie, dropping your opponent down onto the mat! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Colombian Necktie! He hit the Colombian Necktie! Oh my goodness! The Colombian Necktie! COACH No! No! No! COLE Colombian Necktie! Could this be it? Colombian Heat takes a moment to catch his breath. He then makes the cover, not even bothering to hook the legs. Charles Robinson counts along with the crowd while Staci looks on. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (22:17) "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Heat wins the US Title! Heat wins the US Title! COACH No! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Colombian Heat raises his hands in victory, breathing a huge sigh of relief while doing so. The crowd explodes in LOUD cheers. Staci is still stunned. BUFFER Here is your winner...and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion...NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...and the FIRST EVER One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT! COLE Colombian Heat makes history at Zero Hour! The last man to ever wear both the OAOAST X-Division AND 24/7 Titles, and also the first man to EVER wear the OAOAST United States Title! What a moment in his career! COACH Oh, I think I'm going to be sick! What did Staci do? What did Staci do, Cole!? COLE She might have inadvertently given the United States Title to her husband's biggest rival! COACH Oh no! Charles Robinson raises Colombian Heat's hands in victory. He then goes over to a ringside attendant and grabs the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt and hands them both to Colombian Heat. Heat is on his knees as he raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. He then places both belts on the mat and asks for the OAOAST United States Championship belt. He then receives that belt and proceeds to raise it over his head. COLE Colombian Heat fought back! He overcame James Riggs and Staci's interference! James told Staci to grab Colombian Heat's ankle, but it backfired! And in the end, perhaps it was poetic justice that Staci's interference came back to bite James Riggs on the ass, costing him his Titles and the chance to become United States Champion! COACH This is a travesty to end all travesties! Colombian Heat has smeared the United States Title, and the belt just got started! This is the worst possible way for the United States Title to start! And a sad, sad way for the 24/7 and X-Division Titles to go out. Held by Colombian HACK! COLE There's nothing you can do about it now, Coach! Colombian Heat will go down in the record books as the LAST man to hold the OAOAST 24/7 Title, the LAST man to hold the OAOAST X-Division Title, and the FIRST man to hold the OAOAST United States Title! COACH I'm gonna puke! Colombian Heat stands up, and has his hands raised in victory by the referee. Heat lets out a primal yell when he's getting his hands raised. He does a SHIMMY~! and then yells out, "YEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" while holding the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Heat gets on the second ring rope and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head with his left hand, and then throws up the "W" with his right hand. Heat pounds his chest and mouths, "I love you" to the fans as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE What a match this was! If you ask me, this was the perfect way to introduce the United States Title to the OAOAST! COACH It was a good match, although I gotta deduct points for the ending. It should be James Riggs holding the United States Title right now! Not Colombian HACK! COLE Well, the referee's decision is final. We close the book on the OAOAST X-Division Title and the OAOAST 24/7 Title, but we open the book on the OAOAST United States Title, with Colombian Heat leading the way! COACH Ugh. Colombian Heat continues raising the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air. He heads to a second turnbuckle where he raises the belt in the air and throws up the "W" hand signal to a pop from the fans. Heat then gets off the second turnbuckle and dances his way to another second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head to the crowd's delight. Heat has a wide smile on his face as he does this. The camera does a 360 of Colombian Heat raising the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head on the second turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Staci helps James Riggs out of the ring. Riggs is shocked from the loss, in addition to being in pain from the Colombian Necktie. Staci is frantically apologizing to him as the two walk up the entrance ramp. COLE What a bad night this turned out to be for James Riggs. He went into this match with TWO titles, and leaves with zero! COACH I still can't believe how this match ended. How could Staci not know it wasn't Colombian Heat she was grabbing? Hasn't she touched James Riggs enough to know what he feels like? Heat was wearing sneakers for godsakes! Riggs was wearing boots! How could she not know the difference? COLE Heat of the moment? Distraction? COACH Heat of the moment? Real funny. I can't believe James' own wife cost him the match. SHE COST HIM HISTORY! If I were him, I would kick her ass to the curb right now! COLE Well, that's a little harsh. COACH It's proper punishment for costing your husband his rightful place in history, Michael! Now roll the footage, let's see how that match ended now so I can get that out of the way! Colombian Heat gets off the turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air again. Heat then walks with a limp and picks up the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Heat places the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder, and then places the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He carries the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Colombian Heat exits the ring with all three belts in his possession. The OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips from the match, starting with Heat's failed Broncobuster attempt. COACH Can I just see this one more time? Thank you. OOH! Yeah. That cheers me up! Cut to James Riggs back body dropping Colombian Heat over the turnbuckle and onto the floor. COACH And this one's good too. WOW! Colombian Heat just FLEW out of the ring! He just flew! I have never seen anything like that before in my life! It was awesome! COLE It was amazing how Heat was able to continue the match. COACH He was lucky, Cole. Very lucky. Cut to Colombian Heat's failed seated senton attempt. COACH This is another good one. HA HA HA HA HA! Colombian Heat folded up like an accordion! That was great! HA HA HA HA HA! I love it! Can I see it again? The footage is shown again. COACH YES! I LOVE IT! THANK YOU! Cut to the ending of the match starting with James Riggs whipping Colombian Heat into the ropes. COACH Oh, I hate this part. Okay. Right there! Staci should have been looking at the ring instead of looking at the fans! I know you love JR Nation, honey, but now is not the time to talk to them. James trips, makes an ass of himself, and then that no good thug takes advantage. That punk made his move like the leech that he is! He gets James lifted up. Colombian Necktie! The pin is inevitable. 1. 2. 3. Your winner, and the first ever United States Champion, and the last ever 24/7 Champion AND X-Division Champion...*sigh*...Colombian Heat. COLE You restrained yourself quite well, partner. COACH Thanks. It was really hard. The OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Colombian Heat walks up the entrance ramp with a limp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. He is carrying all three of his title belts and has a smile on his face as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE So Colombian Heat started off the night with no belts, and now he leaves with three! But he will only be defending one as the OAOAST 24/7 Title and the OAOAST X-Division Title are deactivated as of right now! Colombian Heat goes down in the record books as the LAST 24/7 Champion and the LAST X-Division Champion. Not to mention the FIRST United States Champion! What a historic night for Colombian Heat! COACH He's made history, whoopee. But something tells me he won't be United States Champion for long! COLE Somehow I believe he'll hold the US Title for longer than a day. COACH Like he's held any title he's ever won for longer than a day! COLE The HI-YAH World Tag Team Title. The 24/7 Title. COACH Okay. That was a bad response. I get it. Geeze. You don't have to rub it in! COLE Ha! Anyway, fans, we've just had our last ever 24/7 Title defense in addition to our last ever X-Division Title defense. But we've also had our first ever United States Championship Match. The first of many more to come! I'm certainly looking forward to all the exciting United States Championship matches there'll be, starting with Colombian Heat's title reign. I can't wait! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans. Heat stands on the entrance stage and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head. Red, white, and blue pyro explodes, drawing a HUGE pop! Heat throws up the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal one more time, and then blows a kiss to the audience. Heat still has the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He carries the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Colombian Heat walks through the entrance doors with all three of his championship belts as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull continues playing while the crowd cheers. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop For an extraordinary handful of years the HI-YAH promotion was an unstoppable force in Japan, touting incredible wrestlers, deep pockets, and a lucrative television contract. Then came the revelation. The revelation that the entire promotion was built on lies, fraud, cooked books, and Yakuza connections. As the television contracts disappeared, the money thinned, and emotions spiraled, careers were broken daily, and a wrestling empire fell only years after its inception. Now you can relive the final days of HI-YAH with never before seen documentary footage in the new OAOAST DVD Dishonrable Death: The Last Days of HI-YAH Join narrator Terry Taylor as he walks you through the fiery collapse of the Japanese promotion. Hear Christian Wright, Zack Malibu, Mackenzie DeCenzo, Axel, and others detail their experience in the crooked underworld of HI-YAH. And watch the matches that made HI-YAH a cult hit in Japan. Dishonrable Death: The Last Days of HI-YAH

*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you Women rush the aisle to catch a glimpse of the strip-teasing Love Doctors, some of whom hurl bra and panties their direction! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Windy City, at a total combine weight of 436 pounds, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY…THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Doctors of Love surprise two lucky female fans with a stethoscope and co-signed clipboard, then give hearty thumbs up after liberating their oiled physiques from its repressive white lab coats. COLE What a feather in the cap it’d be for The Love Doctors, former and longest reigning HI-YAH tag titleholders, if they manage to defeat Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, the first ever One & Only World tag team champions. They’d rocket back up the Top 10 in a heartbeat. COACH That’s still around? Must be under lock and key next to the Wellness Policy. Anyway, the stars would have to align for them to beat Teddy and CW. Sources close to the Enterprise tell me the pair have been preparing for this night ever since Anderson and Pigley reneged on their agreement. The Enterprise is a generous organization, Cole, and they don’t appreciate it when people try to take advantage of that. How come nobody’s condemned the Docs for not repaying Teddy’s loan? Where’s the outrage from the Democratic presidential candidates?! Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Amused by the hostility, the OAOAST’s sharp dressed men (and woman) calmly proceed to the ring under the protection of their burly bodyguard/Director of Security CPA. COACH There’s one bodyguard you’ll never hear spilling client secrets to Matt Lauer. COLE Of course not. He’s too well paid and cared for. Although I’m sure he has stories to sell. BUFFER Their opponents, representing the Enterprise and accompanied by MACKENZIE DECENZO… THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! Theodore and CW become the envy of men worldwide when Mackenzie strips them of their attire, a subtle dig at The Love Doctors. * DINGDINGDING * Dr. Max Anderson and Theodore Moneymaker circle around before leaning in to lockup, and the Billion Dollar Heir gains the upper hand with an arm drag, which earns him a hand from Mackenzie and CW. “BOOOOOOO!” Theodore gives Max a chance to redeem himself, locking back up with the Love Doctor, but again flings him across the squared circle. This time Max suffers the indignity of having Teddy bow and laugh in his face. Riding high on arrogance, Moneymaker agrees to hook ‘em up once more, but third time’s the charm for Anderson who scores on a body slam. It’s as good as it gets for him, though, as the Billion Dollar Heir reverses an Irish whip and leapfrogs the MD on the rebound. But Max is able to put on the brakes and surprise Theodore with a quick roll up! ONE… KICKOUT! Moneymaker storms to his feet and charges into a hip toss, followed by a dropkick and arm drag into the arm bar. Teddy sits up and returns to a vertical base, then hurls Max towards the Enterprise corner and a right hand from Christian Wright. The Natural assumes the role of legal man and pummels Anderson in the corner with an array of European uppercuts and knife-edge chops. Wright then attempts to whip him to the far corner, but it’s reversed and CW shoots out into an arm drag. Max bars the arm and brings Christian to the Love Doctors corner. Dr. Steven accepts the tag and crashes down onto Wright’s outstretched arm with a SLINGSHOT SOMERSAULT LEGDROP! COLE Oh, my! What an incredibly athletic maneuver! Pigley immediately places CW back in the arm bar, but the Enterprise financial analyst responds with a knee to the midsection and a jarring European uppercut. A series of chops leave Steven clutching his chest, and then Christian fires him into the ropes, missing on a clothesline as Pigley ducks under and snaps him over with a CRUCIFIX BOMB!! ONE… TWO… But only two, as Theodore is there to breakup the pin. Dr. Max doesn’t appreciate that and lets Teddy know by decking him. Mackenzie DeCenzo freaks as The Love Doctors backdrop the Billion Dollar Heir and knock CW out to the floor with a double dropkick! “YYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Come on, ref. That wasn’t fair. Both Love Doctors were in there longer than the allotted 5 seconds. After a conference call on the outside, Theodore Moneymaker returns as the legal man and locks up with Dr. Steven, who he brings down with a drop toehold and places in a hammerlock. Pigley reverses out but Moneymaker counters back and paintbrushes him! COLE How insulting. The Billion Dollar Heir grabs a side headlock and is shoved off into the ropes, only to barrel through Dr. Steven on the rebound. Moneymaker briefly considers going for a quick cover but decides to hit the near side instead, skipping over the top and then under a leapfrog before running into a LARIAT! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Steven rams Teddy into the turnbuckle and tags Dr. Max, who rattles Moneymaker with palm strikes and spinning back fists. Barely able to stand, the Billion Dollar Heir falls to a knee after reversing an Irish whip…and Christian Wright makes Max Anderson pay with a knee to the spine of the back! ONE… TWO… NO! Max kicks out and has his face smashed into the boot of CW, then is choked on the middle rope by Mackenzie as Theodore converses with the referee! COLE Turn around, ref! COACH Oh, yeah. Now you’re crying. Where were the tears when the Enterprise was illegally double-teamed? COLE That’s apart of tag team wrestling, Coach. Choking a man is not. It’s illegal and dangerous. Wright and Moneymaker double team Anderson in their corner while Dr. Steven is restrained by the referee. COACH Remember, Cole, that’s apart of tag team wrestling. You even said it yourself. Theodore goes back to work on Max, raking the laces of the boot across the eyes. A tag is made and the Enterprise shove Anderson into their corner with authority. Dr. Max crumbles on all fours and is kicked hard upside the head. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. CW sends Dr. Steven in for the ride and snaps him over with a power slam…THAT’S COUNTERED INTO A DDT! “OH!” Rather than go for the pin Steven tags in the fresh doctor, despite Theodore’s best attempt. Anderson floors Moneymaker with a right and backdrops him out of the corner, then clotheslines both he and Wright separately. A flying headscissors takeover brings Teddy closer to his associate CW, until Dr. Max tries the same on him and eats a STUN GUN for his trouble, smacking hard on the apron as he tumbles to the arena floor! COACH Dr. Max Anderson may be out of it, Cole. Man, did he hit the floor hard. The referee backs Christian away from the ropes to allow Max room to enter, but all it really does is allow Moneymaker to slam Anderson on the outside! COLE There’s a perfect example as to why a second official is needed for tag bouts. It’d prevent garbage like that. Dr. Max is tossed back in and planted mid-ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. CW drives Anderson into the knee of Theodore Moneymaker. The tag is made and the Billion Dollar Heir delivers a second rope double axe handle smash. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Following a snap mare takeover Theodore Moneymaker drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS! He taunts Dr. Steven with the universal sign of money and then stomps Dr. Max in the face! MONEYMAKER Theodore attempts to scoop Max for a slam, but he rolls through with a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! COLE The Love Doctors a half-a-count away from defeating Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. It was that close. Anderson’s surge of energy has the crowd believing again, but their hopes are soon dashed when Moneymaker fakes a charge, getting the doctor to set low for a backdrop to counter with a swinging neck breaker! COACH Further proof Teddy is the smartest man in wrestling. Anderson got sucked right in. Tag made, and this time Wright connects on his SNAP POWERSLAM! ONE… TWO… Save by Dr. Steven! The Enterprise doesn’t like that but they use it to their advantage, putting the boots to Max Anderson while the referee deals with an emotional Steven Pigley. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” MACKIE Irish whip, and CW places Max in a SLEEPER HOLD! COACH The Love Doctors shift is almost over, Cole. Max’s starting to lose consciousness. Steven rallies the crowd behind his partner, feverishly slapping the top turnbuckle to stir up a clap and succeeds. Before the referee even has a chance to check for signs of life Max rises to his feet and lifts CW for a back suplex, but he floats over and spikes him down with an INVERTED DDT that sucks the air out of the arena! ONE… TWO… THREE! NO!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" WRIGHT COLE Christian Wright nor Theodore Moneymaker and Mackenzie DeCenzo can believe it. I can’t either for that matter. Unbelievable! COACH How the hell did he kick out! “Finish him!“ screams Moneymaker. A company man all the way, Wright is eager to please his boss…BUT MISSES A MIDDLE ROPE ELBOW DROP! “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Both CW and Max seek to make the tag, but it’s Wright who achieves the task first, followed thereafter by Anderson. MONEYMAKER Dr. Steven Pigley hammers away on the Billion Dollar Heir, and then shoots him off to the far side and overhead with a BAAAAACK body drop! Pigley thwarts Christian Wright’s blindside attack with a hip toss, and then a standing dropkick. DOUBLE COCONUT sends CW to the floor but not out of harm’s way, as Dr. Max Anderson crashes into him with a TOPE CON HILO! MACKIE Theodore Moneymaker catches Dr. Pigley spending too much time staring at the carnage outside the ring and clubs him across the back of the neck. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” After a series of punishing chops Teddy whips Steven into the ropes, but misses a clothesline and gets spiked on his head with a FLATLINER! “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Mackenzie DeCenzo climbs onto the apron to divert the attention of the referee. COLE Can’t you see what she’s doing, ref? Turn around and count the pin! 1-2-3-4-5. Dr. Steven confronts the blonde bombshell and plants a big wet one on her! MACKIE Mackie wipes her lips in disgust and retaliates with a slap to the face…but Steven ducks and knocks her off the apron into the arms of CPA below with a hip swivel to the BUTT! COACH He hit a woman! COLE He did not! It was only a love tap. COACH The hell it was. He had malicious intent. Contrary to Coach’s belief, Dr. Steven is a true gentlemen, evident by the fact he waits until CPA places Mackie down before wiping him out with a PESCADO! COACH Aw, this guy is a piece of work, Cole. He manhandles women and is a cheap shot artist. The doctor rolls in and checks his imaginary watch for the TIME OF DEATH. “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Pigley scoops Moneymaker up for the Michinoku Driver…but Teddy floats over and locks him in THE BANK VAULT! COLE Oh, no! Come on, Steven. Hang on! COACH But how long can he really last, Cole? Nobody’s broken the Bank Vault. As his eyes begin to roll in the back of his head, Dr. Steven desperately reaches for the ropes, or perhaps his partner who is still laid out on the floor along with Christian Wright, but with nowhere to go he has no choice but to TAP. * DINGDINGDING * Theodore shoves Steven to the ground as CW rejoins him in the ring to celebrate. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the team of THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The Love Doctors with a valiant effort, but in the end it wasn’t enough to defeat Wright and Moneymaker. COACH Boy will Max Anderson feel like a real idiot after watching the video of this. If he hadn’t taken that stupid high-risk move he’d have been there to break the Vault. COLE Be that as it may, it was a helluva match nonetheless. And we should have another good one coming up next. Cut backstage, where Brock Ausstin is shown, to a big pop, doing bicep curls. COLE And here is the biggest and strongest man to compete in this Chamber match, Brock Ausstin! COACH He came very close to winning this thing last year...but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. He gets a shot at redemption tonight!

I'll start posting the show around 8 or 9 Pacific (11 or 12 eastern) Monday night. If there's still some missing segments, then, you know, the edit button exists for a reason

yes, yes, a good show indeed.

don't you love your children? but really, i dont care about the opening match, i was just fucking w/bros

We're taken to the OAOAST ActionZone, where Maggie Nerdly, strangely wearing an autographed Leon Rodez hockey jersey. MAGGIE What's up ya'll, Maggie Nerdly, your girl on the scene reminding you to log on to OAOAST.com after HeldDOWN for the new show From The Turnbuckle with Marvin Nerdly, no relation, just kidding he's my bro, Tony Brannigan, Jesse Ventura, and Tony Schiavone. In this premier episode the guys will run down all the matches for Zero Hour and tell you how you can win a chance to hang backstage at Anglepalooza in January. And if that ain't enough for you, then roll on over to Afterparty with your's truly. This week Zack Malibu tells all you curious fellas how to hook up with a girl at the club, don't tell Candie, and Krista give us girls the 411 on this winter's hottest fashions. All that and a crap load of other cool stuff on OAOAST.com! FADE OUT COMING UP NEXT OAOAST PAST VS OAOAST PRESENT Landon Maddix Vs Stephen Joeseph NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "It Ain't Over For Me" by Terrence Howard immediately begins to play. Stephen Joseph Popick walks through his shower of pyrotechnics, as the people of Nashville rise to their feet and boo vociferously. And while you rush for your dictionaries or even lazier, online dictionaries, here's Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first. He hails from Atlanta, Georgia. Weighing in at two hundred, twenty five pounds... tonight, proudly representing THE LIGHTNING CREW, here is the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, SSSTTEEEEPPHHHEEEEENN... JJJOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEEPPHHHHHHH... PPOOOOOOOOPPIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE It is main-event time! And with just 72 hours until Zero Hour 2007, it's a tough test for our World Heavyweight Champion. COACH No doubt. Say what you will about Popick, he's a former World Heavyweight Champion. He's seen it all and done it all. He was on the pre-game show of the very first AnglePalooza, five years and a half years ago Michael. You're looking at an OAOAST Original. COLE I thought he was an Upstart? COACH A what!? COLE Exactly. SJP climbs the steps and scales the turnbuckle with one leg on top, scanning the crowd and smirking. COLE And tonight, Popick's goal is clear. Soften up the Champion for PRL, ahead of the Triple Threat Ladder Match this Sunday night. Entering the ring, Popick begins his warm-ups... BUFFER And, introducing his opponent... "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Incubus' "Megalomaniac" gets a similarly negative reaction from the crowd, not showing any allegiance to Landon as he steps through the entrance doors. With Megan Skye by his side as ever, Landon extends his arms to the crowd and shows off the belt around his waist. BUFFER Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Very much the old school versus the new. Landon Maddix with roughly a year of active OAOAST competition under his belt, one of our fastest rising stars to the top prize, the World Title. A first time meeting here tonight and you have to wonder how much Landon is focused on this match and how much he's looking ahead to Zero Hour. COACH If he is at all, it'll be a mistake. After passing his belt off to the referee, the Champion is ready to go. He holds the ropes open for Megan to leave... ...which allows Popick to blindsight him before the bell!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH That's the Popick I know and love. Popick rains down the blows to the back of Landon, referee Mike Chioda yelling at him to let Landon out of the corner. Having just reaches the floor, Megan is already complaining as Popick doesn't let up. He turns Landon around in the corner, striking him with an elbow. A knee follows before SJP is finally moved back by the referee. The wily veteran is happy enough to co-operate to make himself look like a honourable guy, but more-so because it allows him another cheapshot as Landon starts to come out of the corner. Falling across the middle rope, Maddix is then sunk into a choke across the middle rope by the knee of Stephen Joseph. COLE It's not often someone out-cheats Landon Maddix. But Popick got the jump on him and he's got a pretty impressive MO in shady tactics. COACH That's why you can't underestimate him. Pulling Landon off the ropes on the five count, Popick leads him into centre ring and executes a simple back suplex. He doesn't go for a cover though, instead watching as the Champion writhes around. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COACH Now, what the hell does Zack have to do with this!? COLE You mean besides the Triple Threat Ladder Match this Sunday and the beatdown Popick and PRL lead the Lightning Crew in inflicting last week? A kick to the head from Popick seems to wake Landon up a little and draws him to his feet. Popick waits on him with a deep knee to the gut however, snapmaring Landon out of that and kicking him in the back with the flat of his foot. Maddix favours that as Popick continues to stalk around him, not making any sudden moves to end the match. Infact, his next sudden move is to drop to his knees and blatantly choke La Cucaracha with his bare hands! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Breaking, SJP warns the referee off of him before picking Landon up by the head and SLAMMING it into the canvas. COLE I know I shouldn't be surprised by a former World Champion fairing well but I didn't expect this kind of start. I mean, Popick has been out of active competition for a while now. COACH But he's still in ring shape. He spars every day with Tha Puerto Rican, he trains with the rest of the Lightning Crew regularly. Popick could step right back into contention for that title any time he wanted, just like Alfdogg when he returned, just like Caboose when he returned. COLE Well, maybe he could... if not for PRL. Which is why Popick has yet to go for a cover tonight. Back up, Maddix starts to show some fight as he goes to the body with some shots. Popick fights him off with some retaliatory shots, then jams the point of his elbow into the top of Landon's head to subdue him. Grabbing the arm, Popick irish whips Landon across the ring and into the corner. Head of steam, SJP then follows in with a charge... and eats boot! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Even being beaten on by Stephen Joseph Popick can't seem to endear poor Landon to the OAOAST faithful. Luckily, he doesn't care about that. Pushing up onto the middle rope, Landon waits for SJP to close back in a step before soaring, hooking the head... ...and SPIKING Popick with a Flying DDT!! COLE WOW! COACH Popick's never faced Landon. And he didn't have that move scouted. Wanting the match to be over with as quickly as possible, Landon quickly makes a cover... 1... 2... Kickout!! Bringing Popick back to his feet, Landon looks to pay off some reciepts. A forearm shot. And another. A third... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a knifedge chop! Popick lets out a loud groan and doubles over from the pain... ...but it turns out to be a great job of over-acting, Popick not as hurt as he made out and suckering Landon into a false sense of security, leaving him open for a open-handed thrust to the throat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Oh, that was right to the throat there! Referee needs to get on that. COACH What's he going to do, disqualify him? Michael, in wrestling there's rules that can be broken and rules that can't. That's one you'll get a warning for right there. No more, no less and the damage is done. Popick knows that. Popick moves in on the choking Landon... ...who announces his own pantomiming by quickly going to the eyes of SJP! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Well, that'll earn a warning too. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Landon follows up with a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Make it three. Landon now looks for an irish whip, sending Popick into the ropes and loading up with a clothesline. He telegraphs it though and Popick ducks underneath, executing a quick Russian Legsweep to take the Champion down. COLE Nice move by Popick and... uh, what the hell is this? Confusion suddenly takes over as Popick sits up and starts waving. Waving to the back, which prompts the doors to slide open and THE LIGHTNING CREW to come marching out, lead by PRL!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, so much for the match. This was a set-up! COACH Well duuuhh. Megan rolls her eyes, having sensed in the back of her mind this was coming all along. Laughing all the way down, PRL motions his troops ahead of him. Vitamin X jogs in front and slides in, stalking over Landon while Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall make their way in. Suddenly though, another figure enters the ringside area. Up and over the barrier, carrying an aliminum ladder. COACH Wha... COLE IT'S ZACK! ZACK MALIBU! ZACK WAS HERE ALL ALONG! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd erupt as Zack drags his ladder over the barricade and suddenly hurls it into the air... *CRACK!* ...LANDING DIRECTLY ON THE BACK OF MR. BORICUA'S HEAD IN THE RING!!!! Stunned, PRL slams on the brakes and watches on from the aisleway as his bigman falls down in a heap. Zack dives into the ring to retrieve his store-bought ladder, not spotted by any of the Crew until it's too late. First to notice is Vitamin X, running over as Zack takes the ladder, swinging it like a baseball bat... *CRACK!* ...AND STRIKING VITAMIN X IN THE SIDE SO HARD, HE GOES TUMBLING OUT OF THE RING!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH YEAH! That's not the kind of ladder I'd expect to see this Sunday but it's damn sure doing it's job right about now! COACH Get him Wall, get him! Right on cue, Cuban Wall turns around and catches Zack coming in with the GOOZLE~ But before he can complete the Chokeslam, Zack re-positions the ladder, between Wall's tree-trunk like legs... WALL "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh... COACH Damnit, no! Wall's testicles get rattled by the ladder shot and he staggers away. Zack follows after him, a standing dropkick enough to send him the rest of the way through the ropes and to the floor. All fired up, The Franchise kicks the flimsy ladder away and dares PRL to come get him some, Tha Puerto Rican looking none too eager to get involved. Rolling from the ring seconds earlier, Popick makes an effort to make it look like he's having to hold PRL back. Zack just points the finger too them though with two simple words. 'This Sunday'. PRL exchanges words right back, typically. And all the while, Landon Maddix crouches behind Zack. COLE Wait a second... watch Maddix! COACH Zack doesn't see it! PRL plays along and baits Zack in until he's good and ready before trailing off. At which point, Zack shouts a last word of warning and turns around... ...SUPERKI... ...NO!! ZACK DUCKS!! Landon manages to adjust and land on his feet safely, scurrying from the ring as Zack dives after him. Just about escaping the ring in time, the cussing La Cucaracha jumps the barrier and fumes over not getting the kick in, Zack staring from the ring and PRL with Popick from the aisle. COLE Wow, I cannot wait until this Sunday night. These three men, all vying for one prize in a Triple Threat Ladder Match! Landon couldn't return the Superkick favours from the past two weeks tonight but who really has the momentum going into this Sunday!? Zack got some payback tonight but it's all up for grabs, Zero Hour, do not miss it on Pay Per View!!!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD EARLIER TODAY At the back entrance of the arena, the Champ is here! Yeah, I know, I hate that phrase with a passion too. But, it's true, Landon Maddix is here, weaving his way through the cars in the parking lot deep in conversation with Megan Skye. So deep that he almost doesn't notice Stephen Joseph Popick in his path, just about managing not to bump into him. POPICK Hey Champ, how's it going? I hope you brought your gear tonight. MADDIX (confused) And why's that? POPICK Take a wild guess. Looking around nervously for any sign of The Lightning Crew, Landon sees that the coast is clear. Then, a lightbulb seems to go off over his head and he has that wild guess... to himself, before realising just how wild it is. MADDIX Nah. After last week, I'm guessing my turn on the Handicap Match coaster is null and void. POPICK Tha Puerto Rican wouldn't team with Zack Malibu if he were the last man alive. No, it's even better than that. See, Stephen Joseph Popick is officially back out of retirement... uhm, again. And I'm starting my comeback right at the top! With you, tonight, one on one. MADDIX Non title? POPICK Oh, yes. But only because that belt has Tha Puerto Rican's name on it in three days time. Believe me, if not for that fact, I'd take that title tonight, no sweat. I'm a former OAOAST World Champion myself you know. Landon glances over at Megan, who confirms that it's true. MADDIX Wonders'll never cease. POPICK Yeah, well, clearly you need to brush up on a little OAOAST history. And I'll be more than happy to give you a little history lesson tonight. Oh and, I shouldn't forget, PR told me to tell you, he'll be watching tonight. Yeah. He'll be watching in his locker room. With Cuban Wall. And Mr. Boricua. And Vitamin X. He'll be watching very closely. Gulping, Landon starts to get a little antsy. MADDIX Good. Good for him. Good to have friends. Yes. I'll... see you in the ring, later. Reaching behind him and grabbing a hold of Megan's wrist, Landon quickly scoots off with her in tow, Popick watching on with a big smile on his face. MEGAN I think we need a new plan. MADDIX How about this one- hide until main-event time. Come on. FADE OUT As Party Like a Rockstar plays the opening video rolls, highlighting the adrenaline-charged, mile per minute action OAOAST HeldDOWN has become famous far, while showcasing several of its primary superstars. We're moved into a sold out arena where thousands of Nashville fans have come to witness their favorite OAOAST superstars. A soft orange spotlight hangs over the ring, providing illumination to an otherwise darkened arena. Standing in front of this ring are Johnathan Coachman and Michael Cole, each dressed in their usual dark orange polo shirts and khaki pants. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST welcomes you to Nashville, our final stop before Zero Hour, the most highly anticipated September pay per view in all of sports and entertainment. COACH Damn, Mikey, I've had dawgs I haven't seen since pre-k, rolling up on me, acting all friendly and shit, acting like can I hook 'em up with Zero Hour tics. Naw, Zero Hour has been sold out since the hour those bitches went on sale! COLE The importance of Zero Hour is not to take away from tonight. We'll have several tag team matches on tap for you, as well as a huge announcement from Anglesault, along with our promised mainevent of Popick taking on world champion Landon Maddix in a non title bout. All that and more on OAOAST HeldDOWN. Stay tuned! COMMERCIAL

Great Britain. Rule Brittania Regal. Brittania rules the waves Noble. Britain never never never shall be slaves Dignified. Rule Britta... Not to be messed with! Anarchy for the UK Proud. It's coming sometime and maybe Brave. I give a wrong time stop a traffic line Ruthless. Your future dream is a shopping scheme Powerful. Cause I... wanna be...Anarchy! Barbaric. NATHANIEL BLACK A TRUE GREAT BRITON Black, with a soccer ball tucked underneath one arm, hits the iconic Winston Churchill 'V for victory' pose, laughing away as the video fades off.

COLE What a night we've seen here in Nashville, the announcement of a title unification match at Zero Hour, great tag team action, and so much more. And we still have our mainevent and another tag team bout coming up! Through the loud speakers emerges the somber piano keys of Cold War Kids' Hospital Beds. Hard pounding drum beats join it, melded with equally distressed vocals. Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital Nurses are fussin' Doctors on tour Somewhere in India I got one friend layin' across from me I did not choose him, he did not choose me We've got no chance of recovering Sharing hospital Joy and misery Joy and misery Joy and misery The proud owners of this STUPENDOUS entrance music, Rescue 911 step through the entrance doors to a small round of polite applause. Outfitted in black trunks and red boots, and elbow pads, EMT Tim nods to the audience before heading towards the ring. His partner stares from behind thick rimmed sunglasses, clad in a pink and white Hawaiian t-shirt, and khaki pants. He then pumps his fist and joins his partner in the trip to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes...now making their way to the ring representing the OAOAST First Responders Unit, introducing first from New York City Detective Bosley, and his partner from Peoria, Illinois, EMT Tim Cash, together they are RESCUE-NINE-ONE-ONE! COACH Detective Bosley? I thought he was just an officer! COLE He was, and we have to congratulate him on his recent promotion to detective in the vice department of the OAOAST First Responders Unit. COACH Vice department? Detective? Its not even a real unit! COLE I don't think you should talk that way about our country's heroes. COACH Are you dumb or something? What do they do? What do they respond to? Where were they when Zack got smacked around by The Lightening Crew? Where were they when CPA jumped The Love Doctors? Where were they when Abdullah through fire into his own brother's face? They don't respond to anything! They'd be perfect for the LAPD! "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" Gone is Hospital Beds, in its place is Easy Lover. Gone is the general indifference of the fans, in its place is booing. A lot of booing. And given the loathsome appearance of the incoming tag team, its easy to see why the fans are so heated. Despite looking like he spent the last night sleeping in the parking lot of an IHOP, Rico confidently swaggers through the doors, tossing beads to the fans who all too readily toss them right back. While Rico jaws with the disrespectful audience, his more even tempered comrade concerns himself with stroking his awesome fro. COLE A huge test coming up for Rescue 911, and an even bigger test coming up for The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew at Zero Hour, as they'll challenge for the One and Only World Tag Team titles held by four time champions Chicks Over Dicks. BUFFER And the opponents at a total combined weight of four hundred, ten pounds... the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... they are, THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREW!!! The audience fills the arena with boos, aggravating the Wrecking Crew as they head up onto the apron. Rico tries to bribe them into silence with beads, but again has every last necklace tossed right back at him. COLE I think the Wrecking Crew are very underestimated and have sort of gone unnoticed in a strong division, despite being the last HI-YAH tag team champions. However, should they pull off a tag title victory, then that'll be a very large upset. COACH And Rico will be a bigger Brazilian hero then Pele! DING DING DING! No sooner then three seconds after the bell is rung does De Janiero drive the point of his elbow into Tango Bosley's face. However Detective Bosley shrugs the the blow aside, pointing to his MANORMOUS Franz Josef style facial hair as the source of his strength. Upset that someone would have the gall to steal his facial hair gimmick, and because Franz Josef style facial hair burns his memory, as it was the drunken abuse of his franz josef bearded stepfather at a young age that has caused him to unhealthily search for power and conquest through sexual avenues,albiet from teenage girls, Rico smashes his boot into Bosley's stomach. Watching the good officer stumble in agony brings a toothsome smile to his sleazy face. However that smile is quickly ripped away when Bosley's arm flashes forward for a lariat. De Janiero ducks beneath the outstretched arm and carries himself into the ropes. As he returns a pair of khaki pants legs horsewhip him to the canvas with a beautiful dropkick! COACH What the hell manner of monstrosity does Bosley have on his face? Rico has a pornstache, the identification card to the VIP lounge of the ultimate player's club. Do you know what Bosley's is called? A jizz catcher, and I bet you of all people already know why. Unaware that what little heat he had has been sufficiently cooled by Da Coach, Bosley launches De Janeiro into the ringposts. The Brazilian's body smashes off the turnbuckles with such force that he's involuntarily jerked forward. Yet he's drilled right back into the turnbuckles courtesy of a deadly lariat by his foe. Pain is written on every line of his wrinkled face, and agonized gurgles spill from his lips once Bosley's loafers gouge at his throat. Referee Billy Silverman gives Bosley a five count before he's forced to cease his unsportsmanlike conduct, 1 2 3 4 5! Silverman is quick to reprimand Bosley for not abiding to the count, making no bones about threatening a DQ. But, Bosley casually disregards the warning by whipping out his detective badge, and informing the official that this is police business. Not wishing to run afoul of the cops after the questionable incident with the turkey and the school bus of nuns, Silverman wisely backs away. COACH He..he..he..can't do that! He's abusing his power! COLE This isn't your criminology textbook from junior college, Coach. Out here in the real world of crime, the lines of abuse and justice are forever blurred. After his “police business” is conducted, Bosley releases his death grip on his foe. De Janeiro staggers out of the corner, scracely able to collect a breath, much less mount a decent fight. That's to his discredit, as he's unable to prevent Bosley from bulldoging him to the canvas. His breathless body is pushed over for a pinfall... ONE TWO But Soul enters the ring to destroy the pin. Smoothly destroy of course. He is afterall, a smooth and jive soul brother. Tempted to head back to the squad car and run a background check on Soul, Bosley instead pulls out his walkie-talkie and radios for backup, i.e. Cash. Apparently that's good enough for a tag in this match, as EMT Tim enters the squared circle with a spring board elbow drop aimed squarely at Rico's chest. His black padded elbow slices through the fortress of chest hair,and impacts harshly with Rico's pecs. A pinfall follows... ONE TWO The King Of Mardi Gras shoots his shoulder off the canvas, and promptly, his whole body follows suit. Cash meets the ascending South American with a volley of punches, but is subdued by a pair of forearm smashes. Weakened by the strikes, he can do nothing to prevent Rico from twisting him through the sky, then impaling his shoulder onto his outstretched knee with his trademark shoulderbreaker. Pleased with his lone offensive move, Rico turns to the fine females in the audience (of which there are very, very, few) and arrogantly asks “Eh, who wants a mustache ride?” Dejected that all he got from his inquiry was a hastily searched picture from Google, De Janeiro proceeds to batter Cash's face with hellish closed fist. Immediately the referee sternly warns against such tactics. This only serves to fuel Rico's anger, and he directs wrathful, Portuguese flavored threats towards a now cowering official. COLE Come on, Rico, back off! Living up to his credo to protect and serve, Cash protects Silverman from a thrashing by serving Rico with a school boy. An ultra fast count is made.... ONE! TWO! But, Rico kicks out just nanoseconds before the three. He and the EMT rise to their feet at the exact same moment, with Rico drawing first blood with a knee to the midsection. The shot doubles Cash over, and leaves him vulnerable to the elbow smash Rico aims at his forehead. Immediately EMT Tim crumples to the mat, in dire need of the same medical service he's sworn his life to provide. COACH Look at the force Rico delivered that elbow with. The man knows he has to step his game up if he wants to be a tag team champion at Zero Hour, and he's already doing it against a lowly team like Rescue 911. While Cash struggles against a fast mounting headache, De Janiero applies a tag to Lucius Soul. “KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO!” the audience savagely chants, drawing a concerned gaze from the chant's target. COACH Nothing but some jealous mullet head peckerwoods round here, jealous they can't grow the hair of a proud African warrior king....man, I can't grow that hair either! Damn, these white people are right! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! After Rico convinces him his famous hairstyle is safe from harm, Soul assists his partner in a double team. Rico hooks onto Cash's legs, then hurls him backwards, where a bicycle kick awaits from the smoothest brother in Nawlins The tremendous force of the attack throws Cash backwards, and his well muscled back is shredded by a leaping knee strike from the Brazilian. COLE I hate to say it, but The Mardi Gras Homewrecking crew are moving in perfect unison right now. COACH Mikey, they've been doing that all year! It just ain't been noticed by our fans. But its gonna get noticed right quick if they win them tag titles at Zero Hour. Its all about that getting that number one spot. Once Rico departs the ring Soul hooks Cash's leg for a pinfall... ONE TWO But Cash kicksout, earning a pop from the fans who have zero desire to ever see The Wrecking Crew win another match. He bravely rises on his own free will, but has his courageousness rewarded with a pair of kicks to his knees. The strikes from the flashy boots hit like shards of shrapnel, crippling Cash until he's brought to his knees as a whimpering and utterly useless wreck. Assured that Cash has no chance of staging any attack, the New Orleans native does a break dancing twirl to absolutely no one's delight. Far less enjoyable for EMT Tim is the basement dropkick Soul's spinning body uncoils into his face! Another pin follows. ONE TWO Bosley enters the ring to end the pinfall, but finds no need to once his ally kicks out. COLE Rescue 911 are close to losing another match, which would set them back after earning a win in their last televised match. With television spots at such a premium you don't want to be known for your ability to not win. COACH If television spots are at such a premium how the hell can we explain your presence? While Coach creates an online petition to have Cole fired (those always work!), Soul scrapes his overmatched enemy off the mat, and launches him into a neutral corner. Cash's back is slashed through by the harsh posts, dumping further misery onto his battered body. The situation grows even worse when a leaping and spinning Soul dislodges half his teeth with a Smooth Soul Brother splash! EMT Tim staggers out the corner, wondering if anyone got the liscence plate of the truck that just hit him. Unfortunately the only response he gets is a front Russian leg sweep, that's speedily rolled over into a pinning predicament... ONE! TWO! Again Cash musters up the moxy to power out of the pin, bringing out admiring applause from a few fans. Less admiring is a visibly annoyed Soul, who dumps a round of stomps into Cash's arm. Seeing a purple bruise begin to swell onto Cash's limb, stokes Soul's blood lust, and he hauls the EMT off the canvas to cause fatal damage to the bone. He crooks the arm beneath his shoulder, preparing to unleash a single arm DDT. Yet he's stricken with shock, when a suddenly resurgent Cash yanks his arm free from his clutches. So stunned by Cash's abrupt escape, Soul fails to even attempt to stop the medical technician from trapping him into a front face lock. Yet, once Cash begins to lift him for the vertical suplex, Soul rejoins us on planet earth, and violently shoves his rival to the ropes. When EMT Tim returns, the jive soul bro attempts to behead him with a leaping sidekick. But, Cash agilely rolls beneath the fast approaching missile! As luck would have it, he ends up in front of his corner where he applies a hot (and I do use that term loosely) tag to Detective Tango Bosley! Quite the hard headed youngster, Lucius retries his leaping sidekick effort on Bosley. Once again he encounters great failure, only this time its of the painful variety as Bosley wipes him out with a diving lariat! COLE Soul fought the law, and the law won! There's no time for Detective Bosley to join Cole in waxing musical with old Clash tunes, due to a two hundred twenty five pound (ten pounds of that is chest hair!) Brazilian aiming to remove his torso from his body with a shoulder tackle. Bosley expertly counters the charge by overtaking his foe with a front flip swinging neckbreaker. And just as soon as he stands, Soul is cursed by the same aerial strike! COACH Don't we have police brutality laws in this country? What about immigrant rights? You don't see the Miami PD giving out double arm DDTs to every Cuban that comes off the banana boat? The detective's momentum comes crashing to a halt when an enraged Rico violently shoves him through the ring ropes. Owing to a minor miracle, the American hero lands in a crumpled heap on the ring apron. Riddled groggy by the ambush, he staggers upright, painfully unaware this his assailant is running the ropes in order to blast him from his roost. By the time he realizes Rico's diabolical scheme, the cassanova's lariating arm is only inches away from his face. But thanks to his impressive reflexes, Bosley manages to lower the ring cables before harm can befall him. And now its De Janiero who encounters a lifetime of pain, as his forward speed flings him over the lowered cables! The fans are prepared to toast to his imminent demise, but are left wanting as he somehow succeeds in landing on his feet. Now the danger is shifted back towards Bosley, and this time its paid in full, as Rico yanks him from the apron. His clumsy landing on the outside mats proves to be his downfall, and The King of Mardi Gras flattens him with a discus punch. COACH Officer down! Officer down! Standing above his vanquished foe, Rico celebrates his moment of victory by tweaking his legendary porn stache. This, of course, does little to improve his relations with the hateful audience. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!”the not-so tolerant fans sing Back in the ring the clubbing forearms of Tim Cash are having their way with Lucius Soul, decimating the Louisianan's chances of victory with each vicious strike. That is until the disliked heel shatters Cash's flurry of offense with a single low blow. "OOOOOHHH!" Stunned, Cash can do nothing to prevent “Sweet” lifting him into a fireman's carry position. He tosses EMT Tim off his shoulder, and implants his knee into the man's descending head with the Fro 2 Sleep! COLE It has to be over now. It has to be! The deflated silence of the audience, and the smirk on Soul's face would indicate that everyone else shares Cole's sentiments. So academic is his impending victory, that Soul doesn't bother to do more then drape his arm across Cash's limp chest for a pin. ONE TWO Suddenly a massive pop speeds through every inch of the arena, drawing confusion onto Soul's face. The camera pans out to reveal the business suit clad Krista Isadora Duncan, seductively sauntering down the stage, deep red lips pouting alluring invitations. Noticing that she's minus field hockey sticks, croquet mallets or any other prep sports weapon, the pimp is guardedly pleased to see her “KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience chants as the champion ascends to the ring apron. Batting her blue eyes, Krista leans over the ropes, her energetic motion enticing the wowed audience with jiggling of her luscious hooters. Soul's guarded intrigue is morphed by his libido into full on pursuit, and he throws away any misgivings about her presence. Drool hanging from the edge of his mouth he creeps closer toward her, and farther from his fast recovering rival. COACH Don't trust her, man! Despite Coach's warning, Krista rewards Soul (and the fans) for succumbing to his desires. Lips curved into a sly smirk, her arms cross her chest and teasingly paw at the hem of the thin material hugging to her voluptuous figure. In a swift motion, the busty beauty rips her jacket away, arousing her lusting fans with her beautiful breasts. The audience ignites with raw desire and roars their approval. COACH Yes suh!!! I hope D*LUX remembered to lock the bathroom door and bring in a few tissues. As predicted by everyone not named Lucius Soul his moment of distraction costs him dearly; a recovered Cash creeps behind him and drags his screaming figure into a rollup! ONE Rico tries to crawl into the ring to make the save, but is hindered by the fact that Alix has sneaked from underneath the ring to handcuff him to the ropes! TWO Though he has enough energy to scream for help, he apparently doesn't have enough energy to kick out and the ref's hand slaps the mat for a third and final time, to the arena's great joy! Even Buffer can't help but smile as he makes his announcement. BUFFER The winners of this match....RESCUE 9-1-1! FIST PUMP BY DETECTIVE BOSLEY!!! COLE What an upset! What an upset! And what a momentum killer for The Wrecking Crew heading into Zero Hour. They had this match won, and all of a sudden a school boy did them in. COACH A school boy didn't do them in! Outside interference did them in! Hot outside interference, and I'm kinda glad it happened, but bros over hoes, man. What's worse is that if they win at Zero Hour these chumps in Rescue 911 will be knocking on their door for a title shot. First The Love Doctors beat The Rockers and now Rescue 911 beats a team that actually has entrance music. If Los Conquistadors beat Team Heyross or something, I quit! While the crowd cheers for Rescue 911's surprise victory, Soul slaps the mat in frustration, unable to vocalize his anger past shrill whining. Even with Hospital Beds playing overhead, and his hand still handcuffed to the ropes, Rico can't quite fathom what happened, and just stands on the outside dumbstruck. Rescue 911 celebrate the only way they know how, safely, smartly, and securely, slapping hands with an excited fanbase. The girls simply retreat back up the ramp, holding hands, and using their free fingers to point and laugh at The Wrecking Crew's horrid misfortune. Well, Alix does, Krista just blows kisses to the cuter lesbians in the audience. COLE The Wrecking Crew have got to get this loss out of their head immediately, and make sure their minds are clear as soon as possible! *Cut backstage, where Felix Strutter is seen walking through the hallway, holding his head slightly. A voice calls his name, and he steps into Anglesault's office.* ANGLESAULT (standing up) Hello, Felix! Big win out there tonight! STRUTTER That's right, and I'll have another one for you at Zero Hour! ANGLESAULT Well, I like you confidence! But right now, I have something for YOU. Anglesault passes Felix a briefcase. STRUTTER A prize for my big win tonight? ANGLESAULT ...I guess you could look at it that way. In that briefcase is a helpful hint as to who your final opponent will be this Sunday at Zero Hour. Strutter looks intrigued, as he looks at AngleSault. ANGLESAULT Go ahead, open it! Strutter starts to open the briefcase. STRUTTER Yeah, let's see what this chump's made of... Strutter gets the case open, and a white light shines from it, but the camera doesn't pick up the source. Strutter's smile disappears, his jaw drops, and his eyes get wide. The crowd cheers, as they sense Strutter's stunned disbelief, and Strutter continues to stare into the light as the camera fades out. COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return from break focused on Cole. Not the most prettiest of sights to be focused on, but I'd still do him. COLE Folks, as promised here's the boss! Cut to AngleSault standing in front of a blue background. He is wearing a white dress shirt, black tie, gray sports jacket, a gold chain around his neck, a watch on his right wrist, and gray dress pants. The crowd cheers the moment AngleSault appears on the screen. ANGLESAULT Good evening. Over the past 5 years, the OAOAST has seen many titles come and go. By my count, there have been 16 title belts in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. For a company that has only been in existence since 2002, that is quite a large number of belts. Now, as much as I love giving all the wrestlers in the OAOAST an oppotunity to obtain some gold, the fact of the matter is that as of right now, there's not enough room in the OAOAST for every title that's active. Several of our titles go months without being defended! Now, when HI-YAH was around, it wasn't too hard to simply send some champions over to that company, and have the belts be defended in Japan. But with HI-YAH no longer around, that means that those titles that are not defended are left collecting dust. Well, as owner of this fine company, I am not going to have one or two of my titles not be defended due to time constraints on HeldDOWN~! or due to a lack of challengers. We are going to do some spring cleaning around here, even though we're well into the fall, and we're going to do it this Sunday night at Zero Hour! Because at Zero Hour, you will see a match whereby the OAOAST 24/7 Championship AND the OAOAST X-Division Championship will be UNIFIED into one brand spanking new Title. AngleSault pulls out a new championship belt from behind him. It looks alot like the old WCW United States Championship belt. ANGLESAULT (CONT'D) The One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Championship! While the name may be familar, this will be a brand new Title in the OAOAST. This belt will make its debut this Sunday, September 30th, at Zero Hour. Now normally, we would have the OAOAST 24/7 Champion and the OAOAST X-Division Champion face off in a match to unify the belts. But this time, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship AND the OAOAST X-Division Championship are being held by the same person, James Riggs. Not a problem, says I. There will still be a match this Sunday, and the winner of that match will be the LAST OAOAST 24/7 Champion, the LAST OAOAST X-Division Champion, and the FIRST OAOAST United States Champion. After carefully reviewing the tapes from the past couple of weeks, I have decided that at Zero Hour, James Riggs will put the OAOAST 24/7 AND OAOAST X-Division Titles on the line FOR THE LAST TIME against...Colombian Heat! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ANGLESAULT So, gentlemen, good luck to both of you. Remember, no matter who wins this Sunday, I want you to be the best United States Champion you can be, because you're not just representing the OAOAST, but you're representing this great country of ours. So, once again, good luck, and may the best man win! The camera cuts to a closeup of the OAOAST United States Championship belt. Cut to Sofa Central and Double C. COLE How bout that announcement from AngleSault, fans? A new Title will debut in the OAOAST this Sunday at Zero Hour! We're saying goodbye to two titles, but saying hello to a brand spanking new one! COACH James Riggs has a chance to make history this Sunday! Not only by becoming the last man to wear the OAOAST 24/7 AND X-Division Titles, but also by becoming the first man to wear the OAOAST United States Championship! And hey, who's to say he won't do it? He's already on a roll, he's already beaten Colombian Heat twice! There's no stopping him now! COLE James Riggs and Colombian Heat will square off one more time, once again for gold, only this time it's for the United States Title! What a match-up that should be fans! The last time the OAOAST 24/7 Championship and the OAOAST X-Division Championship will ever be defended is this Sunday night, September 30th. Both titles will be merged into the United States Championship! We will crown our first ever United States Champion this Sunday at Zero Hour! James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat, an historic big time match-up, taking place this coming Sunday night at Zero Hour! But folks, stay tuned for more HeldDOWN after this! COMING UP NEXT Rescue 911 Vs The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

OAOAST HeldDown is brought to you by Gardasil-1-800-Gardasil Forever Freestyle OAOAST Edition-36 incredible freestyle hits, specifically selected by OAOAST Franchise Zack Malibu Tampax-That's an Upgrade God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid gets a huge reaction as he comes through the curtains. COLE And here comes TK, set for some tag team action! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE And this match was made earlier in the week by Anglesault, as TK will team up with Brock Ausstin here, Coach! COACH That's right, and they'll be taking on the champ, Felix Strutter, as well as Alfdogg! TK slides into the ring, and poses on the buckles, which gets the crowd fired up. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, as Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtains to another big pop, doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. BUFFER And his partner, from Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 290 pounds... "THE CURRENT BIG THING", BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock walks down the aisle, then hops on the apron and climbs inside, doing his dance some more, as Magnum Opus hits, and the crowd boos Alfdogg as he walks through the curtains, although there are some scattered cheers. COACH And here come their opponents! BUFFER And their opponents...first, weighing in at 240 pounds...he is a former THREE-TIME holder of the Heartland title, as well as a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! COLE And Alf really the guy who has had the biggest part in the blossoming of the Heartland division over the past two years or so! He took Felix Strutter under his wing last year, and it helped wonders, as he is now a holder himself! Alf slides through the ropes, and poses, drawing boos. Je t'adore, je t'adore... The lights go out, and a pink light shines on the entryway, as Felix Strutter walks out, to boos. BUFFER And his partner, hailing from Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the reigning OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Strutter poses with the belt on the apron, drawing more boos, then steps through and hands it off to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf and Brock step out, leaving TK and Felix Strutter. COLE And it'll be the Heartland champion, Felix Strutter, starting with TK! COACH And what matches those two have had this year! The two circle the ring, then tie up. Strutter gets a side headlock, but TK backs him into the ropes. He shoves off, and lets Strutter run rght into him and drop down to the mat! COACH And this team shouldn't be in there trying to match power! Strutter gets up, and gets caught in an armdrag! He gets up once again, and runs into a TK clothesline! COLE And Felix Strutter not looking well here in the early going! Strutter lands in his corner, and tags Alf, who gets caught with a foot to the gut, and a side headlock. Alf shoves TK off into the ropes, and TK knocks him to the mat with a running shoulderblock! Alf flips onto his stomach as TK backs in again, then catches him with a drop toe hold! COLE Nice move there by Alf, even after being sent hard to the mat! Alf jumps up and grabs the headlock again, but TK slips out the backdoor and applies a hammerlock! COLE And a nice counter by TK! TK drives a couple knees to the arm, then picks Alf up off the mat and tags in Brock. COLE And now it's Brock Ausstin in there! COACH And speaking of memorable confrontations, we've got Brock and Alf in there! Brock grabs Alf by the wrist, and delivers clubbing blows to the insertion of the shoulder. He then forces Alf down to the mat, maintaining a wristlock. However, Alf is able to kip up, and goes right to the eyes. He goes to tag Strutter, but Brock holds onto his grip, and pulls Alf to the mat, and back into his corner, where he tags TK. COLE And these guys look good in there, frequent tags, and only one on the other side so far! TK climbs to the top rope as Brock holds the arm out, and TK hits it with a chop! TK then takes down Alf with an armdrag, but Alf manages to reach up and take TK over in a headscissors. TK kips up to escape, then floors Alf with a clothesline! However, he backs into the ropes, and gets caught with one of his own from Alf! Alf immediately tags Strutter. COLE And now we see the champion back in! Felix hops to the second rope, but misses the elbow, as there's nobody home! TK tags in Brock, and Felix catches him in the eye coming in. Felix then whips Brock across, but puts his head down, and Brock hooks him and delivers a TIGER DRIVER~! COLE What a suplex by Brock Ausstin! 1... 2... Kickout! Brock backs into the ropes, and tries an elbow, but Felix rolls out of the way, then chokes away at Brock, breaking at the referee's four-count. He backs Brock into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But it has no effect! COLE And Brock just shrugging that one off! A second CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Again no effect, and Brock comes out firing. He whips Strutter across, and catches him in a PRESS SLAM~! Brock holds him for several seconds, before simply letting him drop. COLE And look at that strength by Brock Ausstin! Felix Strutter writhing in pain! Brock tags TK back in, who drops Strutter with a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK picks up Strutter, and attempts a backslide, but releases and starts to trade blows with Alf, who has just jumped in the ring. COLE TK saw Alf coming! COACH We've got a donnybrook, Cole! All four men in there! Brock stomps Strutter until he rolls outside, then he and TK clothesline Alf over the top to the floor! COLE And the crowd loving it here in Music City! As Alf crawls back onto the apron, TK goes after Strutter on the outside. Strutter runs, and TK gives chase. Strutter slides in in his corner, and tags Alf, unbeknownst to TK. COLE I believe a tag was made right there... Alf waits to step inside, as TK is shoved off into the ropes by Strutter, then TK hops over, at which point Alf steps in and catches TK with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And there's that big spinebuster of Alf! 1... 2... Kickout! Alf stomps away on TK, then picks him up in the corner. He charges, but TK gets his foot up! COACH Nice prescence of mind by TK, getting that foot out there! Strutter jumps in, which draws Brock in for another four-way meelay...which is broken up when TK accidentally hits Brock with a BICYCLE KICK~! COACH Uh-oh! COLE A little miscommunication between TK and Brock there... Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH And Alf's gonna feast on this, Cole! Alf picks up Brock, and delivers a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf grabs Brock in a front facelock, dragging him over to his corner, and tags Strutter. Strutter goes to the top, and comes off with a blow to the lower back. He then jumps onto Brock's back, and hooks in a sleeper! COLE Oh, a nice move here... Brock walks around the ring with Strutter on his back, and eventually fades. He drops to his knees, then Strutter forces him the rest of the way to the mat. Strutter puts his feet on the middle rope for added leverage, which drives the crowd nuts, but the referee sadly doesn't see it. COACH That's a nice move, too! COLE But that's an illegal move. COACH Only if the referee sees it. Strutter does it again, and again it's missed by the referee. The referee checks the arm of Brock... ONE!!! TWO!!! NO! Brock holds through! However, Strutter places his feet on the ropes again, but this time gets caught, and the referee shoves them off! COACH Hey, he can't do that! Strutter argues the fact with the referee, then goes back to Brock. He tags in Alf, who backs Brock into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a second! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But once again, Brock seems to not feel the effect of the blows! Alf adds a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock starts to come out of the corner, so Alf grabs him in a headlock and rakes his eyes across the top rope! COLE Oh, wow, and that one hurts! The referee reprimands Alf, who hooks Brock, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Strutter tags back in, as Alf traps Brock in the corner once again. Both Alf and Strutter pull Brock out of the corner by an arm, and ram him right back into it. Strutter starts throwing jabs at Brock in the corner, then starts to dance as the crowd boos. COLE And Felix not making any friends with his dancing here... COACH And I suppose they'd prefer Floyd Mayweather? Strutter snapmares Brock out of the corner, and hits a seated dropkick from behind, then covers... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Strutter lets Brock get to his feet in the corner, then poses for the crowd, which boos. He charges, but Brock catches him on a splash attempt, then turns, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE What a counter and suplex by Brock Ausstin! Amazing strength! COACH Especially after how long he's been beaten on in there! Brock struggles to his corner, as Felix does the same to his. Felix is able to make the tag to Alf, who rushes in and cuts off Brock at the last second. Alf stomps Brock a couple times, then executes a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! Alf scales the top rope from the inside...and attempts a MOONSAULT~! ...but Brock rolls out of the way, and MAKES THE TAG~! COLE Tag made, and TK is in there! TK catches Strutter coming in the ring, and hammers on him in the corner. He then catches Alf with a clothesline, before turning and flooring Strutter with another one! PRESS SLAM~! for Alf! COLE And Alf way up in the air... ...and DOWN! COLE ...and DOWN! COACH That's what Alf just said, Cole. Be original! TK then catches Strutter with a Fallaway slam~! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! Brock comes back and clotheslines Alf to the floor once again, then a double-team on Strutter commences. TK and Brock whip Strutter in, and catch him with a double elbow! Both men then signal for their finish, but argue over who should put it on. COACH Look at this, they can't decide who gets the win! Alf tries to sneak inside with a kendo stick, but the referee catches him, and he drops it. Brock then grabs it. COACH Oh, come on now, referee! COLE Referee busy putting Alf out of the ring, doesn't see that Brock now has possession of the kendo stick! TK holds Strutter up, and Brock measures...but Strutter escapes, and TK takes a shot to the gut! COLE And Brock hits his partner! Brock looks at TK for a minute, then sort of shrugs it off, before Strutter hits a low blow from behind...then hooks TK, and drills him with the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Thunder Bay Throttle from Strutter! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH BIG win for the champion! BUFFER Here are your winners...the team of ALFDOGG and "AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Alf then rolls inside with a chair, shoving the referee aside, and delivers a shot to the back of Brock! COLE But that big win doesn't look to be enough for these two men! Strutter grabs the kendo stick, and he and Alf takes turns on TK and Brock. Strutter stops to pose...and Alf decks him with the chair! COACH WHOA! COLE Just like this Sunday! Every man for himself! Alf grabs Strutter's belt from the referee, then stands mid-ring with the three bodies laying around him, and raises it in the air as Magnum Opus plays. COLE And this is his match, there been two of these type matches, and Alf has won both of them! Alf lays the belt across Strutter, and departs the ring. COLE Alfdogg sending a message to Felix Strutter, as well as all the other participants in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH But Cole, we STILL don't know the sixth man! COLE We'll find out this Sunday from Memphis! Folks, when we come back, the boss, Anglesault has a huge announcement on tap! COMMERCIAL BREAK

We're back at the back of the building again and much like earlier, a guy and a girl can be seen walking in, lost in each other's thoughts. However, this time, the guy and the girl in question are a more unorthodox 'couple'. "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez, with his OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Championship belt over his shoulder, chats away to OAOAST interview personality extraordinaire Maggie Nerdly who seems intriguing interested in what he has to say. As the duo near the door to enter the arena though, they're confronted by a trio of figures, they being Leon's tag partners D*LUX and his sister Jade Rodez, walking in the other direction. Leon's conversation trails off and he quickly scoots in front of a confused Maggie just before the trio can notice him. LEON Uh, so, in answer to your, uh, question Maggie, yes I am looking forward to my 6-Man Title defence this Sunday night at Zero Hour. I always look forward to any chance to go against The Enterprise. And I'm sure my tag team partners will agree on that count. SHAYNE Oh, most definately DUDE, we're gonna kick some ass in Memphis, Tennessee and we are... JADE Uh, Shayne, I don't think they're doing an interview. Shayne, cut off in a rare moment of talking prime, sulks a little. LEON Well, sure we are! Why else would we, two completely unrelated characters in the land of the OAOAST, be talking to each other out here with no-one else around, hmmmm? JADE Uh-huh. So, where's her microphone? LEON Ah, see, here's the thing, see... uh... budget cuts! Yeah, they just extended everybody's contracts. Eighty-four active wrestlers, wouldn't you know it! Lots of downpayments. So, out go the microphones. Always the first thing to go. I just hope they spare our nameplates. JADE Leon, I know. LEON Know what? JADE Maggie texted me last week. And you texted me three days ago. LEON No I didn't. JADE You didn't mean to. But, assuming the words "BOOYAH CITY" mean something to you, although they certainly shouldn't since it's just nonsense, then you might just have sent to the wrong contact. Either that or Tyler happened to leave his phone on and I read it. I dunno. With a wry smile, Leon fist-pumps with Tyler quickly if a little belatedly, before turning to Jade. LEON Yeah, well, I don't know why I was trying to keep it a secret from you anyway. You've got so much to make up for I could sleep with all the Nerdly sisters and still be in the moral highground compared to you. And, for your information, "BOOYAH CITY" happens to be a very meaningful inside joke between myself and two of my close friends. I think we both know where you were when that inside joke originated but as I promised to try my hardest to let bygones be bygones, I shall let that place go unmentioned. Jade hangs her head a little. MAGGIE Wait, why did you sent these two a text message to let them know we had coffee last week? LEON Well, as I say, we're very close friends. SHAYNE You only had coffee? But I thought... LEON Not now Shayne, huh? Head hanging over, Jade looks up with a smile. JADE So when we agreed that you'd lay off holding the past few months with The Enterprise against me in exchange for you being less of a wannabee lothario around my friends, that didn't include Maggie? Or, was it just coffee? LEON Well, I mean... (looks at Maggie) yeah, but, uh... (looks at D*LUX) see then we, uhm... (looks back at Jade) look, there's really no safe answer here so, let's all just agree that I'm in the wrong and move on, okay? Besides, 'wannabee lothario' were your words. I don't even know what they mean. JADE Well, I think we're even. Come on guys. LEON Oh we are SO not even! JADE (walking away) Oh yes we are. LEON Oh no we're not, you come back here! If you're running off to Ned... JADE That's not funny! As Leon and Jade stride off bickering like any good brother and sister, Maggie is left with D*LUX. TYLER Come on, you can tell us. SHAYNE Booyah City? MAGGIE (a little sheepishly) The overnight stop-over. Letting out a loud cheer, Tyler and Shayne high-five. Maggie joins in with the high-fives too, albeit the teensiest bit embarrassed, as she's escorted off by a clearly detail seeking D*LUX.

We return to live action with a pair of jobbers situated in the ring. I hope they're jobers, or else the talent relations department must have an awful budget. *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* The wailing sirens drive women out of their seats and towards the guardrail as Robert Palmer's "Bad Case of Lovin' You" plays television's newest hot doctors to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team bout is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER Their opponents. First, from Galvaston, Texas, weighing 288 pounds...GUS GOMEZ! His tag team partner, from Macon, Georiga, 228 pounds, BILL CURLY! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Garica and Curly heel it up while the Doctors strip to their trunks. :wub: COLE This Sunday night live on pay-per-view The Love Doctors will finally get their hands on the men who have attempted to smear their good name since rejecting a proposed business deal that led to COD regaining the tag team championship. On cue, we pan up to THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT in their private suite. COACH Spin it all you want, Cole, but the Docs are idiots for turning the Enterprise down. Just like the U.S. government bailed out Chrysler back in the day, Theodore Moneymaker offered to do the same for The Love Doctors, but they got all high and mighty. Let’s also not forget the fact they didn’t even bother repaying the loan given to them. Instead they go out and make a promotional video to hype their return to the OAOAST! * DINGDINGDING * The Love Doctors devote much of their attention to Wright and Moneymaker high above, but they’re all business once the bell sounds, as Steven Pigley demonstrates by grounding the chunky Gus Gomez with a drop toehold. Gomez rises to his feet trapped in a side headlock and shoves Pigley off to the ropes, but the good doctor makes him pay by leapfrogging a backdrop and following up with a body slam. Dr. Max tags in and staggers Gus with a series of SPINNING BACKFISTS, then a big time BAAAAACK body drop! Gomez quickly tags out, but his redneck partner doesn’t fare any better, as he’s placed in an arm-wringer upon entering. A tag is made and the Docs wring Curly’s arms, then drop him flat on his back with a double hip toss. Dr. Steven adjusts his elbow pad as Bill returns to a vertical base and clocks him with a vicious LARIAT! Another tag leads to an ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER, followed by the Docs patent GURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH!! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you BUFFER Here are your winners… THE LOVE DOCTORS! The Docs have a staredown with Wright and Moneymaker. COLE Another impressive outing for television’s hottest young doctors. You better believe Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright will have their hands full with them Sunday night at Zero Hour. COACH Yeah, but the Docs are in over their heads going up against the smartest tag team in wrestling. Teddy and CW are going to make them repay the loan with their careers. COLE Fans, the action continues right after this word from the OAOAST. THIS SUNDAY… The Heavenly Rockers appear in front of their computer generated backdrop -- halo over gold angel wings and group‘s name written above in blue letters. LOGAN Angels of Death, your date with fate is here and it won’t be seven minutes in heaven sayeth Logan Usher Mann! ABDULLAH Sister Melody, Holly-Wood. Praise Abdullah and the Heavenly Rockers! SYNTH LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW Now to the Angels of Death and their CG backdrop -- a feminine grim reaper with the AoD name dripping off it’s bloody weapon. HOLLY Logan, you’ve said my only talent is “head banging.” Well at Zero Hour I’m going to prove how right you are when I bang your head together with Synth’s. MELODY Yeah, you meanies! This Sunday night you’re going down! SPECIAL TAG TEAM ATTRACTION… The Heavenly Rockers vs. The Angels of Death ZERO HOUR

as overload of HD, I wouldn't mind putting the segment at the end, like after credits which I never write. but then again, I'm not the one who called the mainevent!

COLORADO 9, DODGERS 4 Patty:

I gotta do my part for the OAOAST! Very high quality opening match, Chris Stevens steady stays a sneaky dude. When Alf changed it to a 4 way I expected Brock to win, and it turns out it was the exact opposite. I don't take being wrong very well, ppl! Nerdly sisters activate, Melody&Maggie! Poor Molly left in the cold. Cute promo. Holly talking real reckless there, picking up some of Logan's habits. Props for shouts to Halo 3, PS3 fanbois is crazy shook right now. I ain't even bout to speak on that wii bullshit. Actually i only play ice hockey on NES. Freedom and liberty! Didn't the AAB's used to go by a numbering system? AAB #2, #3, etc? Is there an ditch overflowing with the charred corpses of the other fifteen All American Boys? Maddix seems to be manipulating Zack, but the franchise ain't buying what he's selling. First Mourinho leaves Chelsea, now Black takes on O'Hara in a soccer challenge? The futbal world is flames right now! Dope promos from both Black and O'Hara. My question is, who plays goal? O'Hara is like 5'5 that dude is fucked if he's in net. Well done mainevent. Wonder how Zack is going to respond to being sextuple teamed at the end? He needs to get backup or something. All in all a good show!

The OAOAST Event Tracker is bought to you by Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get September 30 (Zero Hour) - Memphis, TN (SOLD OUT) October 4 - Tupelo, MS (FIFTY TICKETS RECENTLY RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC) October 11 - Kansas City, MO (SOLD OUT) October 18 - Columbus, GA (SOLD OUT) October 25 - Orlando, FL (SOLD OUT) October 31 (Halloween Spectacular) - Daytona Beach, FL (SOLD OUT) We return to the arena where the lights are dimmed and the crowd is abuzz with anticipation. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Kentuckians rise to their feet, booing the opening of Incubus' "Megalomaniac". And the boos only intensify the moment Landon Maddix steps through the entrance doors. With Megan Skye by his side as ever, Landon extends his arms to the crowd and double-dog dares them to disrespect him. Sure enough, they do just that. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening, a handicap contest which is scheduled for one fall. Introducing at this time, the first competitor. Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! Reaching the ring, Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon Maddix, just ten days away from defending his World Title at Zero Hour. And his two challengers, the two other men involved in this match. Last week it was Landon teaming with PRL against Zack Malibu. And, well, that didn't work out too great, so tonight the roles have been reversed. COACH You have to admire the man Michael. Even after what went down last week, our Champion is still man enough to come out tonight and compete. COLE On the right side of a handicap stipulation. COACH Makes no difference, you should still admire him all the same. As he removes his jacket and title belt, giving both his treasured items over to Megan, Landon goes through some warm-ups. BUFFER And, his tag team partner. .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island... he weighs two hundred, ten pounds... "THE FRANCHISE"... ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAALLLLIIIIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! Walking through a shower of golden pyro, Zack marches to the ring. A burst of white pyro shoots out from either side of the ramp behind him as he makes his way down the aisle, looking in a far more promising mood tonight as he tags away at the outstretched hands of his people. Landon tries to show some solidarity by applauding his partner, who just gives him a funny look from the outside and continues hand-slapping. COACH What I don't get is, why Zack would even agree to team with the guy who he's been mortal enemies with ever since he arrived in the OAOAST. COLE Well, you heard what he said earlier, he had nothing better to do. COACH Then why not find a bar, shoot some pool, go to a strip joint. COLE Coach, he's married with a young child. COACH But he wasn't neutered. Guys still got needs. Into the ring slides Zack, turning his back on Maddix and climbing the turnbuckles to fire up the crowd. Zack then goes about removing his jacket, still yet to show any real acknowledgement of his tag team partner for the night. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" MADDIX YEAH! NOW LET'S HERE IT FOR LANDON! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" MADDIX Smirking to himself, Zack shrugs his shoulders to Landon and raises his arms to get another pop from the Kentucky crowd. Landon forces a smile and a thumbs up, despite being clearly POed at being shown up. Suddenly the lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke steps "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, backed up by Stephen Joseph Popick and by his fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. BUFFER And, their opponent. He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds and being accompanied by his "Career Consultant", STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK and the OAOAST World Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! Here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEEEEERRTOOOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena as PRL and Popick continue their walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. Popick holds the ropes and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE PRL not looking too happy tonight. But, to be fair, he brought a lot of this on himself by walking out on Landon during their stint as a team last week, not to mention the superkick that helped lead to Zack picking up the pin on the World Champion. COACH Yeah... I loves me some PRL, but I'm not sure what to think about what happened last week. Looking across at his opponents, PRL cracks his knuckles and high-fives Popick. A quick kiss from Lindsey and Tha Puerto Rican is ready to go, already talking some smack even as he's checked out by the referee. COLE I was about to say that PRL won't have anyone to walk out on this week. But, looking at the odds here, walking out might just be his best option. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and without hesitation, Landon elects himself to start for his team. Zack doesn't have a problem with that and after a few simple words of conversation, Zack steps out of the ring... giving Landon a little 'good game', which freaks him out a little bit. COACH What was that about!? Offended at the percieved ass-grab, Landon reels around to in no uncertain terms warn Zack off... and PRL capitalises with a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Landon comes swinging with a big right hand. PRL ducks underneath and lets Landon spin around, right into a BIG Atomic Drop! He then gives Zack something to think about with a back elbow that almost knocks him off the apron, laughing it up at The Franchise's expense before charging at Landon... and into a HIGH BAAAAACK bodydrop!! PRL OH GOD, NO! PRL rolls to his knees and begs off, going so far as to PRAY for mercy from the World Champion. This isn't Landon's first rodeo though. And sure enough, as he goes to pull PRL back up, The Corporate Champion is waiting with an eyepoke... which Landon blocks, Three Stooges style, kicking PRL in the stomach and sending him rolling into a neutral corner. COACH Can't kid a kidder, can't ball a ball'ah. Following PR into the corner, Landon pens him in and asks for the encouragement of the crowd. Not even being Zack Malibu's tag team partner will get him that though and as boos ring out, Landon disappointedly decides to just irish whip Tha Puerto Rican. Hitting the far corner, PRL staggers back out into the centre of the ring. Jawbreaker by Landon, who then comes off the ropes. But PRL leapfrogs him, gaining his bearings before reverse leapfrogging Maddix on his way back. A third time Landon rebounds off the ropes and this time he gets taken over with a deep armdrag, to the delight of PR's cheering section aka Popick and Lindsay! COLE PRL is so crisp in that ring, beautiful series of moves. COACH I think Landon's got the eyepokes and such pretty sussed but he didn't have an answer for that. Looking a little dis-orientated, up comes Landon and right into a boot to the gut he walks. PRL makes sure Landon is set before hitting the ropes at the side with a Million $ Kneelift in mind. Landon retracts his head just in time though and shoves PRL in the back. Off the ropes comes PRL, swooping underneath a leapfrog from the World Champion. A quick drop-down then sends PR up and over, running the ropes for a third time... and right into a DROPSAULT from La Cucaracha!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH How about that for crisp movement though? COLE Landon right on the money with that Dropsault. Cover by Landon... 1... 2... Kickout. Zack offers his hand for a tag now, all but ignored by his partner. Instead Landon pulls PRL back to his feet, rocking him with a quick forearm. PRL quickly responds with a big right hand, only for Landon to fire right back with a second forearm. Shaking that off, PRL lands with a second punch. And a third. And a fourth, rocking Maddix backwards. PRL stops and spits on his left hand before throwing a final punch... DUCKED, Maddix taking The Corporate Champ over with a Backslide... 1... 2... PRL kicks out and quickly catches Landon with the La Majistral... 1... 2... No! Both men scramble to their feet... AND SIMULTANEOUSLY JAB EACH OTHER IN THE EYES!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Re-diculous! Zack rolls his eyes in the corner. Temporarily blinded, both Landon and PRL both stagger around comically for a couple of seconds, both complaining that the other should be disqualified to poor referee Mike Chioda. At a stalemate, he just insists they get on and wrestle. Which is what they eventually do, as Landon rears back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops Tha Puerto Rican! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and again! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Third time! Covering up his chest, PRL can take no more of the chops and baits Landon in, backing away into a corner and throwing out a boot just as the World Champion approaches. Quickly he switches Landon into the turnbuckles. But, instead of throwing chops, he starts to stomp a mudhole into the chest of La Cucaracha! PR stomps the mudhole and walks it dry, over wails of pain from Maddix which grow more and more pathetic with every successive stomp. Finally, with the referee reprimanding him, PRL puts everything behind one last stomp before marching out of the corner, 'smelling the electricity' in the arena! COLE Tha Puerto Rican, stepping up the intensity a notch. It seems like PRL and Landon took more offence to being poked in the eye than a normal, rule-abiding competitor would and all of a sudden the strikes started flying! COACH And it's PR, on top! As Landon weakly drags himself up in the corner, he's met by PRL. Irish whip by the P.R Menace, sending Landon corner to corner and setting him up for the Stinger Splash, which connects! Landon gets crushed in the corner and any wind he had left in him is knocked out of his lungs, causing him to stagger weakly from the corner. Quickly backtracking, PRL crouches down in preparation, drawing Maddix in... KICK! *WHAM!* CAPPA KILLE... ...NO! Landon pushes PRL off! Able to slam on the brakes quickly though, PRL spins around... ...and gets DROPPED with a Leaping Diamond Cutter from the World Champion!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Cucaracha Cutter! From out of nowhere, he hit it! COLE How the hell do you know it's called the 'Cucaracha Cutter', I've never seen Landon use that before in my life. COACH Me and the Champ are tight. That's how I roll. COLE That's how you keep your job you mean. Explains a lot come to think of it. Slowly but surely, Maddix follows up on that desperation move with a lateral press, eventually hooking the leg to go with it... 1... 2... NO!! COLE Just a two, but Landon has PRL dazed now. And he's still got Zack waiting on the apron. He'll have to wait a little longer though, as instead of making the tag, Landon exits the ring and heads to the top in what would be PRL's corner, if he had any tag partners. Maddix reaches the top, taking a moment to get himself set. He then stands... just as Tha Puerto Rican charges for his ankles! Thinking quickly, Landon vaults off the top, up and over PRL onto his feet. PRL hits the turnbuckles but doesn't worry about that too much, turning on his heels to charge at Landon again. Landon quickly drops down, forcing Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes and into the line of fire. As PRL rebounds off the ropes, off his feet springs Maddix, looking to snare PR's head for a Hurri-Lanrana... ...but PR grabs the ropes, causing Landon to come down HARD on the back of his head! Holding his neck, back up climbs Landon, soon wishing he hadn't as PRL now comes off the ropes of his own accord and whips around, striking the World Champion in the FACE with his shin, gamengiri style! COACH Dodge THIS, BITCH~! COLE Did you just call your 'tight' World Champ a bitch? Cause I think ya did. COACH See, this is why I want these two to team together instead of fighting. I hate dividing my bias between two people! As Maddix sees stars on the canvas, PRL takes a quick look at Zack, half expecting him to jump into the ring. Zack seems pretty happy to kick back and watch his two Zero Hour opponents settle their difference though for now and even goes so far as to 'encourage' PRL to go for the pin, which he does... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Grabbing Landon by the hair, PRL begins to pull him back to his feet. "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" PRL taunts the crowd by yelling "WELL, YOU AIN'T GETTIN' HIM!", as he sets up Landon for the LATIN SLAM... NO! Elbows from Landon, fighting PRL off. The elbows eventually force PRL away and gives Maddix room to breathe. Back comes PRL though, connecting with a right hand. Another. And a third. And a fourth! Backed up against the ropes, Maddix gets irish whipped by PR, who ducks his head ready for the Spinebuster. Presumably. We'll never know, because Landon puts the brakes on and kicks him in the shoulder blade! Landon then fires off a couple of kicks to the hamstring of The Corporate Champion, weaking his base. COLE Landon showing off his educated feet right there. Off the ropes comes Landon now, but PRL still has enough in him to duck a clothesline. He then hobbles off the ropes himself and throws himself at Landon with a crossbody. Unfortunately, Landon had the same idea. *OOF!* COLE OH! Mid-air collision, both men going for crossbodies and both men are down! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Hurting now, Landon has no choice but to give the people what they want and go for the tag to Malibu. PRL has no choice either way and takes advantage of the breather for a couple of seconds, before beginning to pull himself up. Past him crawls Landon, reaching out to Zack, who true to his word is there to offer the tag... ...and it's MADE! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HERE. COMES. ZACKMALIBU! Zack steps into the ring, completely fresh and EN FUEGO~! A clothesline knocks PRL down. And a second time. Make it a trio! Zack drags PRL to his feet now and sends him off the ropes, ducking his head and boosting PRL towards the rafters with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE Zack is cleaning house right now! COACH Yeah, after Landon did all the work for him! Can't PRL at least take a timeout or something? PRL doesn't even have the time to beg off after that though, as Zack brings him right back to his feet. Waistlock by The Franchise, taking PRL up and over with the German Suplex! He hangs on to, rolling through and dragging the un-cooperative Puerto Rican back up with him for a second consecutive German!! Not done yet though, Zack continues to hang onto the waistlock, rolling his way through and climbing to his feet. PRL is forced to follow. And he's forced up and over with a third Rolling German, shades of AngleSault! COACH Oh, I hate those! COLE Zack is rolling here, literally and figuratively! And PRL doesn't know where the hell he is right abo... *SMACK!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE WOAH! SCHOOL'S OUT, SCHOOL'S OUT! COACH WHAT!? The Louisville crowd erupt as in a flash, the World Champion is DOWN! Zack stands over Landon after the Superkick with a smirk on his face, Megan holding her head in shock. COACH WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? The crowd continue to roar their approval as Zack remains true to his word. He doesn't walk away. Instead, he casually walks over and picks up PRL, dumping him on top of Landon and telling him to count. COLE Just like AngleSlam! 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE The World Champion is beaten, AGAIN!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... THA PUERTO... RRRRIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Barely able to bring themselves to celebrate, Popick and Lindsay look at each other in confusion, as Zack stands back and watching PRL climbing back to his feet. COACH I can't believe that dirty, backstabbing, cheapshot artist... defend that! Defend that Cole, defend your boy, I dare you! COLE A little bit of a reciept from last week by Zack Malibu! COLE Oh you are unbelievable. PRL pushes back onto his feet and looks up at Zack, clearly as confused as anyone else as to what just happened. In slide Lindsay and Popick but PRL motions for them to stay back as he walks over to Zack, running his mouth to The Franchise. Zack talks as good as he gets though and points a finger in PRL's face, clearly mouthing the words "we're even" before he turns to walk away... ...which is when PRL extends his hand. COLE What's this now? COACH Oh, this isn't happening... Looking down at the hand, Zack sees right through PRL's facade and goes to leave again. But PRL is insistant and pulls Zack back, extending the hand again. Still Zack is doubtful though, not shaking his rival's hand but certainly being pulled into it by PR. The Corporate Champion locks hands with Zack and nods his head, clearly trying to thank Zack for his help with the victory tonight... ...UNTIL POPICK COMES IN AND BLINDSIGHTS ZACK, WHO GETS PULLED INTO THE SHOT BY PRL!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Ah, back to reality. COLE Damnit, you talk about a cheapshot. Right there's a cheapshot... and NOW what!? Now what is THE LIGHTNING CREW, being waved to the ring by SJP! PRL starts to put the shaky boots to The Franchise as out from the back runs Vitamin X, Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua a few paces behind but on their way too. X slides in and quickly gets in on the stomping, to loud jeers from the Louisville crowd. In come Wall and Boricua, the muscle of The Crew. And just as things look bad for Zack Malibu, Landon begins to come to his senses. COLE This is a mugging! An old fashioned Lightning Crew mugging, Zack is defenceless! Landon clears the cobwebs and looks up, to see a sea of bodies in front of him. And the World Champion takes one look at just who those bodies are, before sliding out of the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Grabbing Megan and his title, Landon quickly makes his escape, a wry smile on his face as in the ring behind him the beatdown continues. Zack is brought back to his feet and with the Crew surrounding, victimised by THE WALLBREAKER, right in the centre of the ring! PRL then points to Vitamin X, who leaves the ring. X heads right to the top rope and sets himself, soaring through the air with the picture perfect ELBOW DROP to the sternum of Zack Malibu! "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" The Lightning Crew just laugh at the abuse, the boots still being put to Malibu. Referee Chioda takes a spill at the hands of Popick, who takes great delight in getting in Zack's face and shouting some abuse. COLE Landon Maddix may have been beaten, but in the end he may have gotten what he wanted after all. One of his title rivals, laid out and being picked apart by a pack of wolves in the middle of this ring! Sure enough, Landon is watching all this as he backs away towards the sliding doors. And a smile forms on his face as PRL points a threatening finger towards him, not looking too concerned about his defeat after what he's just seen. COLE The Lightning Crew have struck! And with just ten days until Zero Hour, one stop left on the road to Memphis, what does this mean for the future of the World Heavyweight Championship!? We are out of time, we'll see you next week, same time, same place! Goodnight! Get somebody out here already! With Landon watching on, PRL and The Crew stand over Zack and celebrate their dominance as we... FADE OUT.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD In a technique unusual to pro-wrestling we start not with an introductory video, song, or even announcement. Rather we kick off the event with in ring action... *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! The crowd boos, as Chris Stevens makes his way towards the ring. COLE And Chris Stevens on his way out first on OAOAST HeldDOWN, ready for a fatal 4-way showdown! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following is a Fatal 4-Way match, scheduled for one fall, with NO disqualifications and NO countouts! Introducing first, hailing from Rochester, Minnesota, weighing in at 221 pounds...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSS SSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And this match will feature four of the five challengers for "After Hours" Felix Strutter at Zero Hour in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III, but we haven't gotten so much as a HINT as to who the sixth man will be! COACH I'm anxious to find out, Cole! I mean, who could it possibly be? Stevens slides into the ring, not acknowledging anyone, aside from an angry sneer at the main camera. Suddenly, a cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, as Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtains to a big pop, doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. BUFFER From Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 290 pounds... "THE CURRENT BIG THING", BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COLE Two-time Heartland champion, and everyone remembers the "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" Iron Man match with Alfdogg at last year's Zero Hour, in which Brock Ausstin won his first-ever singles title! Brock hops onto the apron and climbs into the ring, doing his dance while staring down Stevens. Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way out, getting a mixed reaction. BUFFER Weighing in at 240 pounds...he is a former THREE-TIME holder of the Heartland title, as well as a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! COLE And Alf, the man who won the first two Heartland chamber matches, looks to three-peat in just 10 days at Zero Hour! He is one of only two men that will have appeared in all three Chamber matches! Alf slides into the ring and poses on the buckles, drawing another mixed reaction, as God of Thunder hits. COACH And here comes the other man! BUFFER And from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! TK walks halfway down the aisle, then sprints the rest of the way! COLE Two-time Heartland champion, and HERE WE GO! *DING DING DING* TK slides in, and goes after Alf, as Brock and Stevens slug it out. COLE TK and Alf! Brock and Chris Stevens! TK and Alf battle it out in a corner, as Alf lays in CHOPS~! Meanwhile, Stevens goes to the eyes of Brock, then whips him across the ring. Brock ducks a clothesline, however, and hits a BIG one of his own! COLE Big-time clothesline from Brock Ausstin! TK reverses Alf in the corner, and hammers away, but Brock attacks him from behind! COACH Look at this! COLE Every man for himself in there, Brock going after TK now! Brock rams TK into the buckle, then delivers some right hands, before Alf comes after him, but Brock cuts him off with a foot to the gut. Brock then whips Alf hard into a corner, catching him with a HIGH backdrop! COLE And Brock Ausstin showing off lots of strength in there! Brock covers... 1... 2... TK saves, driving an elbow into the back of Brock's head! COLE TK with the save, and let me remind all of you at home, tihs is not elimination rules! The first man to score a pinfall or submission, wins the match! COACH And let's stress that, PINFALL or SUBMISSION! No disqualifications in this match! Stevens backs into the ropes, and catches Brock from behind with a bulldog! Stevens stomps away, as TK hammers on Alf once again in a corner. Stevens then backs into the ropes, and knocks Brock to the floor with a baseball slide! COLE And Brock Ausstin to the outside! Stevens goes under the ring, and comes out with a garbage can! COACH And they're bringing out the weapons early! Stevens hammers Brock on the back with the garbage can, as Alf takes the advantage on TK inside the ring. He hits a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! On the outside, Stevens charges Brock with the trash can, but gets it kicked back into his face! COACH Oh no! COLE Chris Stevens tasting his own trash can, and I can say from experience, that is not a pleasant taste! COACH COLE ...nevermind... Alf whips TK into the ropes, then backs into the ropes himself, and catches TK with a Hart Attack clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Meanwhile, Brock whips Stevens into the steel steps! COLE And Stevens tasting more steel on the outside! TK dodges a charge into the corner from Alf, then lifts him overhead in a PRESS SLAM~! COLE A big press slam inside the ring! TK slams Alf down, and plays to the crowd, but gets floored by a Brock clothesline! COLE And Brock Ausstin back inside! Stevens struggles his way to the top rope, and floors Brock with a missile dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK reverses an Alf Irish whip, and hooks him in a sleeper! However, Alf quickly counters with a jawbreaker! COLE Nice counter move by Alf right there, dropping down! Alf hammers on TK, while Stevens continues to do so on Brock. Brock ducks another clothesline, however, and catches Stevens with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Great suplex by Brock Ausstin! Alf catches Brock from behind with a German suplex! 1... 2... Kickout! TK tries to pick up Chris Stevens, and catches a low blow for his efforts! COLE And a low blow from Chris Stevens to Thunderkid! Stevens then whips TK across, and catches him with a high knee! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf traps Brock in the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock takes his arms down from the corner, as Alf delivers a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock grabs Alf, and tosses him back into the corner, delivering rights downstairs, then a big uppercut, which knocks him into a lying position across the buckles! Brock knocks him right back down with a big blow to the midsection, as Stevens and TK have made it to the outside. Stevens slams a chair across the back of TK! COLE And more steel brought into play, down across the back of TK! Brock whips Alf across the ring, and puts his head down, allowing Alf to catch him with a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Stevens delivers another shot with the chair, then tosses it to the ground. He rolls TK back inside, as Alf chokes Brock across the middle rope. Alf then pushes Brock to the outside, and follows him out to the aisle, where he delivers right hands, then attempts a piledriver! COACH Uh-oh, Alf's going for a piledriver on the floor! However, Brock blocks, and backdrops Alf onto the concrete! COLE But no, it's Alf who eats the concrete! Meanwhile, TK catches Stevens with a dropkick as Stevens comes off the top rope! COACH And Chris Stevens gets caught inside! Brock makes his way back to the ring, as TK covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Brock grabs TK, and delivers a foot to the midsection, as Alf pulls Stevens to the outside, but Stevens catches him with a European uppercut. Brock whips TK into the ropes, and catches him with a POWERSLAM~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Stevens grabs the ring steps, and charges Alf with them, but Alf executes a drop toe hold, sending Stevens face-first down into the steps! COLE And there's a nice counter by Alf! Alf then rams Stevens into the guardrail, before grabbing the steps himself and dropping them onto the back of Stevens! COLE The steps coming into play once again! Brock has TK in a Canadian backbreaker, as Alf picks up the steps once again. This time, he waits for Stevens to get to his feet, but when he does, he dropkicks the steps, knocking them down on top of Alf! COACH OH! TK manages to get to the buckles, kicking off of them, and catching Brock in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Brock whips TK into a corner, and charges...but TK gets his feet up! Meanwhile, Stevens drops Alf sternum-first onto the guardrail! Stevens delivers some more European uppercuts, but Alf reverses an Irish whip, sending Stevens crashing into the timekeeper's area! COLE And we may have people hurt over at the timekeepers' table... As TK works over Brock's knee in the ring, Alf reaches under the ring, and grabs a KENDO STICK~! COACH Uh-oh...they may not be the only people! Alf raises the stick in the air, and hammers Stevens with it, as the crowd starts to lean more towards Alf! COLE And Alf earning some accolades with the beating he's putting on Chris Stevens right now! Meanwhile, TK has applied a figure-four to Brock in the ring! COACH Look at this! COLE Figure-four by TK! Will Brock submit? Alf stops to pose for the crowd, but gets nailed from behind with the ring bell by Stevens! COLE But Chris Stevens coming right back, this guy's tough! Stevens tosses the bell down, then slides in and stomps away on TK, breaking his hold on Brock. Stevens then tosses TK to the outside, as Alf slowly climbs to the top buckle. COACH Uh-oh, this could be it, Cole! COLE Could it be the Five-Star Alf Splash? COACH No, Brock's getting up! Brock limps over to the corner, and knocks Alf's feet from under him, racking him on the top rope! Brock follows him up, as TK and Stevens battle in the aisleway. COACH These guys better not get too far from the ring here! Brock stands on the second rope, and takes Alf down with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Belly-to-belly from the middle rope! This is it! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But Alf JUST does escape! COACH I don't know how much longer he has, though! TK and Stevens better get back in there! TK clotheslines Stevens over the guardrail and into the crowd! COLE They're getting REALLY far away from where they need to be now! TK hammers Stevens in the crowd, as Brock hammers on Alf in the corner in the ring. TK shortly tosses Stevens back into the aisle, and they make their way back to the ring. TK tries to ram Stevens into the steps, but Stevens blocks and counters. Meanwhile, Alf gouges the eyes of Brock, then hops onto his shoulders and executes a HURRICANRANA~!, hooking his legs as he reaches the mat... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH We've got a lot of close falls in the ring here! Alf gets to his feet, then scales the top rope...and hits a MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE, taking out both TK and Stevens! COLE Alf FLYING to the outside! What a risk to take at this point in the match, but it's paid off bigtime! Brock slowly rolls to the outside, still with a slight limp, as he delivers some stomps to Stevens, then tosses him inside and works over Alf. TK slowly gets to his feet, and assists Brock. TK holds Alf back for some body shots from Brock, but that's broken up in a hurry as Stevens grabs TK by the hair and starts to drag him back inside. However, Brock delivers a right to Stevens, then grabs TK back for himself. Alf rolls back inside, and Stevens pounces right away. COLE Man, what action we're seeing in this one! COACH And think, this is just a TASTE, just an APPETIZER...before Zero Hour, Cole! COLE Wow! Brock and TK slug it out on the floor, as Stevens attempts an Irish whip, but Alf reverses, drops down, then catches Stevens with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Alf picks up Stevens, and attempts a back suplex, but Stevens slides behind the back, and catches Alf with a SUPERKICK~! COLE Nice kick from Chris Stevens, after escaping the suplex! Brock then catches Stevens with a clothesline! Brock chokes away on the mat, as TK returns to the action to hammer on Alf. Stevens reverses an Irish whip, sending Brock into the corner, then catches him with a Dynamite Kid-style clothesline! COACH Whoa! COLE What a hard clothesline by Stevens there, that's how you take the big man down! Meanwhile, TK reverses a TOMBSTONE~! attempt by Alf, and drills him with a TOMBSTONE~! of his own! COLE Alf hit with a tombstone! 1... 2... NO! Stevens saves! COLE But Stevens there JUST in time for the save! Stevens goes back to work on Brock, as TK hammers Alf in a corner. Stevens goes to the top, and jumps off...but Brock sticks a foot up, and Stevens jumps right into it! COLE Brock Ausstin getting the foot up as Chris Stevens was coming off the ropes! Stevens retreats to the outside, as TK grabs Alf from behind, and gets kicked low as a result! COLE And a low blow by Alf inside, as Brock and Stevens go at it again on the outside! Alf stomps away on TK, as Stevens goes to the eyes of Brock, then grabs some TV cable and wraps it around Brock's throat! COLE Chris Stevens trying to choke the life out of Brock Ausstin with that TV cable! Stevens rolls Brock back inside, as TK blocks an Alf suplex, and executes one of his own! Stevens hits a kneedrop on Brock, and covers... 1... 2... Brock gets a foot on the rope! COLE Brock Ausstin getting his foot out! Stevens chokes Brock some more in the corner, then makes his way over to TK. Alf works his way to his feet, then goes after Brock in the corner. TK whips Stevens into the ropes, and drops down, then Stevens ducks a clothesline, and catches TK with a bodypress! TK tries to catch him, but can't hold on, and both men go tumbling over the top to the floor! COACH Whoa! COLE Quite a spill for TK and Stevens! Alf attempts an Irish whip on Brock, but Brock counters...and pulls Alf in, lifting him onto his shoulders! COLE Here it comes! Could be the F-STUNNER-5~! Brock attempts the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111...but Alf comes down in front of Brock on his feet, and kicks him in his bad knee! He then trips Brock up...and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COACH All right! COLE SHARPSHOOTER! There's no one else in sight! Alf cranks back on the hold, as Brock yells in pain. Alf pulls him out to mid-ring, as the referee asks Brock if he wants to tap. Brock inches towards the ropes, as TK slowly rolls back inside. Once he gets all the way in and gets to his feet, Alf drops Brock, then grabs TK and applies the hold on him! COACH Look at this! COLE And now TK trapped in the Sharpshooter! Alf sits on it in the middle of the ring, as Stevens sneaks in from behind with the chair, and BLASTS Alf from behind! COLE BIG shot from Chris Stevens! Look at the pain going through Alf's body! COACH Well, that's one way to counter Alf's Sharpshooter! Stevens pushes Alf to the outside, then goes back after TK. He backs TK into a corner, and hammers him with European uppercuts, as Brock struggles to his feet. Brock limps over to the corner, and attacks Stevens from behind. He whips him across to the opposite corner, and follows him in with a big clothesline! He then picks up TK, and lifts him in a PRESS SLAM~! COLE And look at the power still left in Brock Ausstin! However, Stevens comes from behind with a chop block, but it puts TK on top! 1... 2... Stevens saves! COACH And Chris Stevens almost cost himself the match with that move! TK and Stevens stomp away on Brock, eventually knocking him outside the ring. Stevens then goes right to work on TK, raking his eyes and whipping him into the ropes, hitting him with a HIGH KNEE~! He then picks up TK and hits a back suplex, then points to the top rope. COLE And now Chris Stevens looks to be going for his frog splash! Stevens scales the ropes, but then TK gets to his feet, and grabs Stevens, who tries to beg off, but TK launches him into mid-ring! COACH Who does Stevens think he is, Ric Flair? TK grabs Stevens in a front facelock, then signals to the crowd. COACH Uh-oh... COLE And TK going for the Thunderbolt DDT~! However, before he can set up, Brock is back in, and he grabs TK from behind, then spins him around, and delivers an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY, sending TK right over the top rope! COLE Brock is back, and TK LAUNCHED back to the outside! Alf is just coming to on the outside, and he grabs the kendo stick once again, as Stevens delivers a low blow to Brock on the inside. Once TK exposes his back, Alf starts to hammer away! COLE Alf back to his senses, and he's laying it into TK with that kendo stick! Alf raises the stick in the air, drawing another mixed reaction. Stevens has scaled the top rope from the inside...but when he jumps off, Alf catches him with the stick on the way down! COACH Chris got caught! TK slowly rolls into the ring, as Alf hammers Stevens with the stick, then starts tearing apart the Spanish announce table. COLE Uh-oh... COACH What's Alf setting up here? Alf picks up Stevens, and rolls him onto the table. He delivers some forearm shots, then grabs the steel chair, and rolls back inside, delivering shots to the head of both TK and Brock! Alf then climbs to the top rope, and gets his balance, as the crowd begins to buzz. COLE Oh my... Alf raises his arms up in the air, then leaps off...and LEGDROPS STEVENS THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~!!! COLE Look at the CARNAGE~! Alfdogg, Chris Stevens both out! Thunderkid, Brock Ausstin both out! The crowd applauds, as some chant "HO-LY SHIT~!" Finally, after several seconds, TK starts to stir, and Brock is soon to follow. TK and Brock slug it out from their knees, working their way to their feet, as Brock gets the better of the exchange. Brock backs TK into a corner with right hands, but TK turns him around and fires off right of his own. Brock reverses an Irish whip, and TK attempts to sling over Brock, but Brock catches him on his shoulder. Brock goes for the Snake Eyes, but TK slips off and shoves Brock into the buckles, then floors him with a BICYCLE KICK~! COLE TK with that bicycle kick, and Brock is down! TK sets up a gutwrench, but Brock counters, and backdrops TK! Brock then sets up the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE Brock looking to end it right here! TK slips off the back, however, and sets up the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE And now TK looking to end it! Brock spins out and behind TK, and hooks in the KATAHAJIME~!!!!!11111 COACH WHOA~! COLE KATAHAJIME~! This is finally it, I think! TK moves around for the ropes, but Brock drops to his back, and TK slowly fades. COACH He's fading, Cole! All of a sudden, Alf flies into the range of the camera, hitting both men with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE FIVE-STAR~! Where the hell did Alf come from??? All three men are out of it on the mat. COLE But Alf too hurt, and can't make the cover! Stevens rolls back into the ring, and drapes an arm over Brock... COACH Look at this! 1... 2... 3!!! COACH WOW! *DING DING DING* COLE And Chris Stevens is going to win this thing! BUFFER The winner of the match...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSS SSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE Chris Stevens, after going through that announce table at the hands of Alfdogg, had enough fortitude, enough prescence of mind to roll in and score the pinfall! COACH What a huge win for Chris Stevens! This gives him some big time momentum! Stevens rolls out of the ring and staggers down the aisle, raising one hand in the air. COLE No doubt about it, it's all with Chris Stevens, with 10 days to go until Zero Hour! Let's go to... As Party Like a Rockstar plays the opening video rolls, highlighting the adrenaline-charged, mile per minute action OAOAST HeldDOWN has become famous far, while showcasing several of its primary superstars. The video comes to a rousing end with Landon Maddix standing bellow a parade of fireworks, holding his OAOAST world title. We're taken into the arena where as usual the fans are delirious with excitement for another marvelous edition OAOAST sports entertainment. The announce team stands in front of the ring, that's highlighted by a pair of soft orange and white spotlights. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we give you a warm and official welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN! I'm Michael Cole, and with me as always is The Coach. We just saw Chris Stevens pick up huge victory on the way to Zero Hour. But will any of his fellow sports entertainers be able to gain any momentum as we head into one of the biggest pay per view events of the fall. Please stay with us because we have more to come after this. COMMERCIAL BREAK

COLE So much is on the line in this next match up! Title for Title. Champion vs. Champion. The OAOAST 24/7 AND X-Division Championships will be up for grabs in one match! Colombian Heat, the 24/7 Champion puts his Title on the line against James Riggs, the NEW X-Division Champion, who is ALSO putting his belt on the line! Both titles will be on the line here, folks! The winner goes home with two belts. The loser goes home empty handed. These two men have had a 'heated' rivalry, no pun intended, since July. Will it even get hotter tonight? We are about to find out! Let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty-minute TV time limit. And it is for both the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd stands up and starts booing. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs steps out, alongside his wife, Staci. Riggs has an arrogant smirk on his face. Staci looks lovingly at her husband. Riggs unzips his long white/silver leather trenchcoat, revealing the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt strapped around his waist. JR chuckles while Staci looks on in awe of the new X-Division Champion. COLE James Riggs looking to add another piece of hardware to his collection tonight! The boos get louder. Riggs looks at Staci, laughs manically, and then puts his left arm around Staci's shoulders. Together, the married couple walk down the entrance ramp, JR laughing off the booing fans. BUFFER Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his wife and manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! The self-proclaimed leader of JR Nation...JAMMMMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! James Riggs shines his X-Division Championship belt as he continues walking down the entrance ramp while "Dani California" continues playing. COLE James Riggs has been the X-Division Champion for the past two weeks, defeating Dance Dance Dragon for the Title on the September 6th HeldDOWN~!, and then afterwards, BRUTALLY attacking Dragon with a steel chair, putting him out of action indefinitely with an injured knee! COACH Dance Dance Dragon was just getting what was coming to him all this time! COLE What? That's nidicolous! Dance Dance Dragon did nothing to deserve what happened to him two weeks ago! COACH Except be Dance Dance Dragon. COLE Oh will you stop!? Give me a break! JR pulls Staci away from a fan looking to grope her. He wags a finger at this drunken fan, and then climbs up the ring steps with Staci in tow. Staci and James stand on the ring apron. They kiss each other, and then Staci sits on the middle ring rope. In one smooth motion, Staci brings her legs up and crosses them, balancing her entire body on the middle rope while pushing up the top rope, allowing Riggs to step through. When Riggs is in the ring, she, in another smooth motion, uncrosses them and ducks under the top rope herself. COACH You know, if Colombian Heat was still with Princess Stacy, I think she would do that entrance too. COLE They broke up eight months ago, Coach. COACH It must hurt Colombian Heat to know that James Riggs gets to go home to not only a title, but a beautiful woman, while he gets to go home to just a title and a run down apartment. Not that I know what Colombian Heat's home looks like, but I'm sure it's run down and ratty, just like him! COLE Colombian Heat has the adoration of millions of fans. I'm sure that helps him sleep at night. COACH Would any of those fans be willing to kiss him? Caress him? Give him a blowj-- COLE Okay! That's enough, Coach! James Riggs hits a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt in the air. Riggs then pounds his chest twice with crossed arms, before cockily thrusting them into the air. White pyro shoots along the ring apron behind him ala Shawn Michaels, before meeting at the ring post which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. JR then raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head. COACH That man could have all the gold tonight! COLE Indeed he can. James Riggs could conceivably leave this arena with not one, but TWO title belts in his possession. He is filled with confidence, and if he needed any more motivation, he already has ONE pinfall victory over Colombian Heat, from back in July on OAOAST Syndicated! COACH James Riggs has been on a roll since then. His only speed bump was at AngleSlam, but he recovered nicely, winning the X-Division Title. Now, tonight, he can avenge his loss at AngleSlam, and get what he deserves: the 24/7 Title! COLE Whether he 'deserves' the 24/7 Title is up for debate. COACH No it's not. COLE Regardless, James Riggs lost his match at AngleSlam thanks to some help from Spanish Fly-- COACH That little bastard. COLE So, he actually DOES have a reason to challenge for the 24/7 Title again! COACH You're damn right he does! COLE The question is: can he finally defeat Colombian Heat for the 24/7 Title? Or will he regret putting his X-Division Title on the line in this match-up? COACH James Riggs doesn't regret anything. The 24/7 Title is coming home with him tonight, ALONG with the X-Division Title. And Staci of course! COLE We are about to find out in a heartbeat away! James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat. Champion vs. Champion. For the X-Division AND 24/7 Titles! And it's coming up next right here on HeldDOWN~! Staci applauds her husband as he gets off the second turnbuckle. Staci removes James' long white/silver trenchcoat revealing his silver and black pants. She then takes off his sunglasses and places them on top of the leather trenchcoat. This is the last image we see before we go to a commercial break. Commercials We return to HeldDOWN~! with James Riggs bouncing up and down in the ring. He is holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and we're just about to begin our Champion vs. Champion match. James Riggs is already in the ring. COACH Looking to become a double champion tonight! COLE But first he'll have to get through Colombian Heat! COACH Hey, he did it once! He can do it again! COLE That's what you said at AngleSlam. COACH I know what I said! But this time I KNOW I'm right! COLE Well, we will see in just a few moments. Riggs bounces up and down in place in the ring. He shakes his head, putting his game face on. Staci chats with Riggs while "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. JR slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder. COLE HeldDOWN~!'s about to feel the Heat! COACH Oh shut up! A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes charging out, full of energy. Heat raises the roof on one side of the entrance, and then raises the roof on the other side of the entrance. Colombian Heat unstraps the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt from around his waist, and raises it over his head to a loud pop. COLE This crowd is going absolutely wild for Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat does the Hulk Hogan "Cup-Hand-To-Ear" pose. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat then points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way while carrying the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. BUFFER And his opponent. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans at ringside. COLE Colombian Heat competing in an AngleSlam rematch against James Riggs! Heat has been the 24/7 Champion since July 5th, when he defeated Cuban Wall in a record three seconds. COACH You are forgetting that he used his pimp cane to knock Cuban Wall out! COLE I'm not denying that he did that, Coach. COACH So, you're saying Colombian Heat is an unworthy 24/7 Champion then? COLE Considering who he won the Title off of, and how THAT person got the Title, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. COACH Cuban Wall was a thousand times the Champion Colombian Heat is, and you know it in your heart that it's the truth! COLE Well, that's all subjective. COACH It should be written into the OAOAST Rule Book! Rule #294: Cuban Wall was a better 24/7 Champion than Colombian Heat...but not as good as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican's yearlong Title reign. COLE You had to throw that in there, didn't you? COACH Hey, I have to represent my boy! COLE Oy. Colombian Heat climbs the ring steps, and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on a second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He then heads over to a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. CH raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head again. Colombian Heat hops off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. COLE Colombian Heat has enjoyed a nice Title reign, but has been chased by James Riggs ever since the night he won the Title! COACH Ah yes. It was the Spear Heard 'Round The World! COLE Now tonight, James Riggs has another opportunity, another shot at 24/7 Championship gold! Can he finally do it? He tried and failed at AngleSlam...but he also has one victory already over Colombian Heat! James Riggs has never won the 24/7 Championship. And Colombian Heat has never won the X-Division Championship. One man will become a first time Champion tonight! COACH In addition to a holder of not one, but TWO gold belts! COLE Right. Colombian Heat grabs a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT A'ight. Yo! Yo! Yo! Check it out! Check it out! Zip it in, and zip it out! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat paces around the ring, holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand and the microphone in his right hand. James Riggs and Staci stare at Colombian Heat from a turnbuckle corner. COLOMBIAN HEAT History's gonna be made tonight, yah'mean? I'ma bring home ALL tha bling-bling tonight! So...if all of y'all are ready to see me make James Riggs feel the Heat one more time, and become the NEW X-Division Champion in addition to tha current 24/7 Champion...then make some motha f'ing noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The camera shows several Colombian Heat signs in the crowd. One sign has a picture of James Riggs' face with flames over his head. Next to the picture in big letters reads the following words: JAMES RIGGS WILL FEEL THE HEAT TONIGHT! HEAT Aw yeah. I feel tha love! I really really do! Love you, dawgs! Colombian Heat puts the microphone away. He then exits the ring through the middle ring rope and heads over to the fans at ringside. After searching for only a few seconds, Heat removes the Colombian flag bandana from around his neck and places it on the head of a young boy being held by his father wearing a black Zack Malibu T-shirt. Heat then gives the youngster a noogie before smiling and winking at the kid. COACH Oh isn't that sweet? Someone give me a barf bag! COLE Colombian Heat has fans of all ages! COACH The kid was wearing a Zack Malibu T-shirt! COLE ...Colombian Heat knew he was a fan in his heart. COACH ... Colombian Heat climbs back up the ring steps and hops into the ring. James Riggs and Staci have cocky smirks on their faces. Heat stares at JR with a serious expression on his face. COLE A big time match-up for both Colombian Heat and James Riggs! Remember, the loser goes home empty handed. The winner goes home with TWO titles! It's Winner Takes All in this match! Referee Nick Soapdish orders Colombian Heat and James Riggs to step away from the turnbuckle corners. Riggs holds the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt in front of his face. He then hands the belt over to Nick Soapdish. Colombian Heat kisses the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, and then hands it over to Nick Soapdish. Nick Soapdish raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt to let the fans know that both titles are on the line in this match-up. He then hands the belts over to a ringside attendant. COLE James Riggs defeated Colombian Heat on OAOAST Syndicated back in July. Colombian Heat defeated James Riggs at AngleSlam. Both men are tied with one victory a piece. This could be considered the rubber match. COACH I'm excited, Cole. Feel me. Feel my goosebumps. COLE No thanks. James Riggs receives a kiss from Staci for luck. Staci sneers at Colombian Heat before exiting the ring to catcalls from the fans. COLE This has been quite the rivalry thus far. There's no love lost between either man. COACH Their hatred for each other will motivate them tonight. Neither man wants to lose their title to the other one. COLE You may be right, Coach. COACH Sweet! Nick Soapdish pats down Colombian Heat. He then pats down James Riggs. Riggs stares at Colombian Heat with a cocky smirk on his face. Finally, Nick Soapdish calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* "Champion Vs. Champion" OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP & OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH COLOMBIAN HEAT (OAOAST 24/7 Champion) vs. JAMES RIGGS (OAOAST X-Division Champion with Staci) The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat and James Riggs circle each other. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. James Riggs grabs a headlock on Heat. Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs right into the ropes. Heat shoves JR off into the opposite ropes. Heat goes for a clothesline--Riggs ducks--Heat fires with an AJ Styles-like dropkick to a pop! Colombian Heat then bounces off the ropes, and hits Riggs with the "Where The Hood At!?" (Rolling Thunder)! Heat goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE Colombian Heat looking for the pin early on in this match! COACH Come on Riggs! Don't let this fool beat you twice in one lifetime! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up. He punches him in the face several times. He locks up with Riggs. Both men jockey for position. James Riggs brings Colombian Heat down to the mat with an arm-drag! JAMES RIGGS YEAH! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE A little too early to be celebrating, don't you think? COACH He put Colombian Heat on the mat! I think that calls for a celebration! James Riggs motions for Heat to get up. Staci applauds her husband on the outside. Colombian Heat stands up, and chuckles at Riggs' celebration. COLE This match just started. I don't think an arm-drag is gonna end this one! Heat and JR circle each other once again. They're both hesitant to make the lockup, but finally do so. Heat goes behind Riggs. Riggs goes behind Heat. Heat gives Riggs a snapmare takeover. He then applies a headlock. Riggs escapes the headlock, and applies a headlock of his own. Heat escapes the headlock and applies another headlock of his own! Riggs escapes. When Heat gets up, James Riggs slaps Colombian Heat right across the face! COACH OH! He just got bitchslapped! HA HA HA HA HA! Heat holds his right cheek and rubs it. He's now a little annoyed with James Riggs. Riggs has a cocky smirk on his face. But his smirk disappears when Colombian Heat pops him in the jaw with a right hand! And another! And another! And another! Colombian Heat whips James Riggs into the ropes. Heat follows the whip, clotheslining James Riggs over the top rope and onto the floor! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And the OAOAST 24/7 Champion is in control of the OAOAST X-Division Champion in the early going! COACH If Colombian Heat wins the X-Division Title, it'll be the darkest day in the history of that belt. Even more so than when Dance Dance Dragon won it! "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" Staci goes ahead and checks on James. She's very worried for her husband. Colombian Heat motions for Riggs to get back in the ring, similar to what Riggs did before. The current OAOAST X-Division Champion slowly sits up, his eyes glazed over. JR slowly crawls around ringside, and uses the ring apron to pull himself to his knees. Staci continues checking on him. COLE James Riggs has been stunned by Colombian Heat's assault thus far in this match! COACH It's okay. He's taking a little pow-wow right now. He will recover. He WILL recover. Riggs slowly sits up, and rolls underneath the bottom rope, back into the ring. He sits up and tells Colombian Heat to back off for a few seconds. Colombian Heat, being the good babyface that he is, does so. James Riggs walks around the ring, holding his back in pain. Riggs puts his right hand out. Heat is a little puzzled. RIGGS COME ON! COLE I think Riggs is calling for a test of strength! COACH Good. Riggs holds a 50 pound weight advantage over Heat! This will be easy for him! Riggs points to his right hand, and tells Heat to touch it. CH hesitates a little, but then grabs Riggs' right hand. He then grabs Riggs' left hand. The two men engage in a test of strength. The crowd, not surprisingly, cheers for Heat. COACH COME ON RIGGS! COME ON JAMES! BRING HIM DOWN TO HIS KNEES! Both men struggle to put the other down onto his knees. James Riggs taunts Colombian Heat while in the test of strength. Heat's legs start to buckle. COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! Colombian Heat's legs are shaking. Heat falls to his left knee. The crowd boos. Riggs smiles evilly. COACH Colombian Heat is going down! I love it! Colombian Heat falls to his knees! Heat is feeling tremendous pain right now! COLE Colombian Heat is in a bad way here! Colombian Heat uses all of his strength to fight back. He gets up on his left knee again. James Riggs is surprised at this. The crowd starts cheering louder than before. Colombian Heat's hands start shaking. Riggs is shaking his head, same as Staci! COACH No! No! No! Not this! Not this! Heat slowly gets up. He soon gets to a vertical base, and has a look of ANGER on his face! Heat continues the test of strength, and soon, it is James Riggs' legs that start to buckle! Riggs is starting to fall...he falls...no he's still up! Riggs left knee hits the mat...then his right knee! The crowd cheers! COLE Colombian Heat has got James Riggs right on his knees! COACH No! No! No! No! No! DAMN IT! Colombian Heat taunts James Riggs. He then turns the test of strength into an arm-bar. While applying the arm-bar, Heat slaps JR across the face! COLE Returning the favour from earlier! COACH That no good thug! Unsportsmanlike conduct right there! Heat cinches the arm-bar tight. Riggs responds by punching Colombian Heat in the stomach, and then scratching his eyes! COLE Talk about unsportsmanlike conduct! COACH That was a terrific way to escape the arm-bar! An absolutely terrific way to do so! CH holds his eyes in pain. JR waits for Heat to get close to him, and then hits him with a picture perfect dropkick! Colombian Heat slowly gets back up. James Riggs hits him with another standing dropkick! Heat slowly gets back up again. JR hits him with a third standing dropkick! COACH Excellent dropkicks! Those were A++! JR drops an elbow across Heat's chest! He then drops another. And another! And another! Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. He follows with a clothesline! Riggs immediately covers Heat. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! Riggs gets on top of Heat and starts punching him in the face. The crowd boos. In between punching him, Riggs grabs Heat and yells out, "THAT TITLE'S MINE!" Riggs gets up and drops a knee onto Heat's face. He goes for another cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! JR picks CH up. Riggs measures Colombian Heat up. He then fires with an enziguri...but Colombian Heat ducks, and Riggs hits the mat! Heat drops an elbow of his own...Riggs moves out of the way, and Heat hits nothing but mat! Riggs quickly hops on top of Colombian Heat and goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! James Riggs applies a chinlock on Colombian Heat. COLE Riggs slowing the pace down, trying to stop the high-flying Colombian Heat from doing any high-flying! JR cinches the chinlock tight on Heat. Referee Nick Soapdish checks on Heat. Staci is slapping the mat, rooting James on. COACH Colombian Heat is weakening! He's weakening! I know he is! I can feel it! COLE Colombian Heat is trapped in the deadly chinlock! The fans start clapping all in unison. Heat waves his left hand in the air, motioning for the crowd to cheer louder. They do so. Heat sits on his right knee. He starts shaking his hands. He shakes them faster and faster. Colombian Heat slowly gets up, still in the chinlock. The crowd gets louder and louder. COACH No! No! No! No! Colombian Heat elbows James Riggs in the stomach! He does it again! And again! And again! He does it one more time, breaking the chinlock! The OAOAST 24/7 Champion whips the OAOAST X-Division Champion into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Heat bounces off the ropes--Riggs grabs him and goes for a hiptoss--Heat blocks it. Riggs tries again--Heat blocks it. Heat punches Riggs in the stomach, bending him over. The Colombian superstar then grabs James Riggs from behind, and brings him down to the mat with a backslide! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!! COLE A close fall right there! Both men get up at the same time. Both men charge at each other at the same time, but it is James Riggs who gets the upper hand, knocking Colombian Heat down with a clothesline! He then quickly covers Heat! It gets two! Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. JR puts his head down, so Heat jumps over him with a sunset flip! 1... 2... RIGGS REVERSES! 1... 2... HEAT REVERSES BACK! 1... 2... RIGGS REVERSES! 1... 2... HEAT REVERSES! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! Both men get up at the same time...and James Riggs fires off with a dropkick, knocking Heat down! Riggs applies a sleeperhold on Heat. COACH Oh yeah! A sleeperhold! That should do it! Riggs tightens the sleeperhold, with Nick Soapdish checking on Heat. Staci watches on intensely. COACH He defeated Heat once with a pinfall. No, he's gonna do it with a submission! James Riggs is a double threat! COLE Riggs applying the sleeperhold on the weakened Colombian Heat. "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" JR puts his feet on the second rope. 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs puts his feet on the second rope again. 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs puts his feet on the second ring rope again! 1...2...KICK OUT! JR puts his feet on the second ring rope once more! 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs does it one more time! 1...2...KICK OUT!!! RIGGS DAMN IT! COACH Why can't he put Heat away!? COLE Because Heat has heart? Because Heat has determination? COACH Because Heat paid off the referee! COLE Oh, will you stop!? Seriously! James Riggs picks Heat up. He whips him into the ropes--Heat reverses--Heat puts his head down...so Riggs responds by grabbing Heat by his head and giving him a swinging neckbreaker! COACH Should have learned from Riggs' mistake, Heat! Riggs goes for the cover, putting his feet on the second ring rope! ONE! TWO! THREE! KICK OUT!!! COLE James Riggs is still trying to put Colombian Heat away and finally win the 24/7 Title! James Riggs tells the crowd to "SHUT UP!" which causes them to chant "LET'S GO HEAT!" loudly. Riggs picks the weakened and winded Colombian Heat up with a sneer on his face. Riggs taunts Heat and then takes him over to a turnbuckle corner. He slams Heat's head on the top turnbuckle pad! Riggs taunts Heat, and then slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad again. Riggs taunts Heat some more, and then slams Heat's head on the top turnbuckle pad for a third time...except Heat won't budge. Riggs tries again...Heat still won't budge. Heat grabs Riggs by his hair and slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad! He does it again! And again! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18! 19! 20! 21! But Heat holds onto Riggs and throws him into the turnbuckle. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Heat then switches to martial arts kicks all over Riggs' body. He gets Riggs good and hurt before finishing off with a jumping back kick to Riggs' jaw! This causes JR to slump all the way down to the mat with his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh no! Not again! COLE Colombian Heat's feeling it! It's time to ride 'em cowboy! COACH Do you realize how queer you sounded just now? Even more so than usual? Heat has a wide smile on his face. Staci is shaking her head. Heat jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs is groggy on the bottom turnbuckle pad. Heat measures Riggs up, and then does the "low-rider" hand gesture. He then charges forward. COACH NOOOOOOO! Broncobuster on James Riggs! COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster! Broncobuster! James Riggs once again feeling the Broncobuster! COACH Awww, it's bad enough he felt it at AngleSlam! He didn't need to feel it again! COLE Well, perhaps Colombian Heat felt differently! Colombian Heat gets off of Riggs and does a SHIMMY~! to the crowd's delight! CH pulls James Riggs out from the turnbuckle and measures him up. Heat punches Riggs in the face. Then he does it again. He punches Riggs in the face for a third time. Heat then DANCES~! And finishes his combo with a fourth punch, knocking Riggs down! COLE Shake, Rattle & Roll from Colombian Heat! Heat bounces off the ropes--which are pulled down by Staci! Heat goes flying over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Damn it! That damn Staci! She pulled down the ropes! COACH No she didn't. COLE Yes she did! You saw it too! Staci interfered for her man! COACH She would never do such a thing! COLE Have you been watching Staci since she came to the OAOAST? COACH What kind of question is that? OF COURSE I have! The crowd boos. Staci tries to act innocent despite the fact that Colombian Heat is lying on the protective mats right next to her. And he looks to be in pain too. Referee Nick Soapdish begins his 10 count. COLE Oh boy. We could be in danger of a countout! COACH Countout!? Oh no! COLE Relax, Coach. Riggs will still retain the X-Division Championship. COACH But that's not the reason Riggs wanted this match! He WANTS the 24/7 Title! And he can't get that on a countout! That 10 count must not happen! COLE But what can James do? COACH He'll think of something. Colombian Heat pushes himself up onto his back. He then sits up, and clutches his right knee. He winces in pain while holding the knee. COLE It looks like Colombian Heat's right knee is in pain right now! COACH Gee, ya think? COLE He must have landed on it! Can we get an instant replay? The OAOAST Starbucks Double Shot Instant Replay shows Colombian Heat's tumble over the top rope and onto the floor. We see it again in slow motion, and we see Colombian Heat land awkwardly onto the protective mats. COLE He definitely landed wrong on that right knee! Heat might be injured! COACH Who cares? Just get him back into the ring so that this match can continue! Heat struggles to stand up. He cringes everytime he makes a move. CH uses the ring apron to pull himself slowly to his feet. While this goes on, James Riggs grabs Nick Soapdish as he makes the count of 7. This leads to an argument between Riggs and the referee. As this argument takes place, Colombian Heat stands up, slowly. He walks with a limp, trying to walk out the pain. But before he can do so, Staci charges forward and clips Colombian Heat's right knee! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Staci stands up and dusts herself off as though nothing happened. She smiles despite the booing. James Riggs was keeping an eye on Staci while arguing with the referee. COACH HA HA! Colombian Heat got taken down by a girl! COLE Staci is deliberately trying to make the pain worst! COACH She's just doing what any good manager should do. COLE I don't recall cheating being in the Manager's Handbook! COACH There's a Manager Handbook? Staci has a beaming smile on her face, a job well done. James gives his girl a thumbs up. He then blows her a kiss. Staci blushes. Colombian Heat lies on the outside, clutching his right knee in more pain. COLE Staci put herself in the line of fire, just to help her husband! COACH That's how much she loves James, Cole! She's willing to risk her life and limb just to help him win! She knows more than anybody how much he wants to become 24/7 Champion! James Riggs sees Heat lying on the outside. So, he decides there's no better time than now than to exit the ring and head on over to where Heat is laying. Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and throws him back into the ring. COLE James Riggs looks to have the advantage now! Heat's right knee is hurt! There's no question about that! Riggs heads back into the ring himself. A smile now appears on Riggs' face. He taunts the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, hurling insult after insult at him. He then kicks Heat in the face. COLE And now the OAOAST X-Division Champion is more confident than he was before! COACH And why shouldn't he be? He's got this match in the bag! Riggs slaps Colombian Heat upside the head several times. He then goes to pick him up-- COLOMBIAN HEAT ROLLS HIM UP!!! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE So close! Heat was so close! James and Staci both cannot believe it! But Riggs' shock quickly turns to anger as he gets up. JR picks Colombian Heat up--HEAT GRABS RIGGS INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! THREE! KICK OUT!!! COLE He almost had him again! He almost had him right there! COACH Don't lose sight of your mission, James! Remember, you're here to win the 24/7 Title! Remember that! Riggs gets up and stomps Colombian Heat in the breadbasket several times. He then goes to work on Heat's right knee, grabbing his right leg, and dropping elbow after elbow on the right knee. Colombian Heat screams out in pain with each elbow drop. Staci nods approvingly as James tugs on Heat's right leg, taunting him while doing so. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLE This crowd desperately trying to rally Colombian Heat back into this match, injured knee and all! COACH We are just seconds away from a new 24/7 Champion! SECONDS away! James Riggs tweaks Heat's right leg. He then kicks the right knee several times. Riggs grabs Colombian Heat's right leg and spins around--NO!--Colombian Heat boots Riggs on the ass, sending him through the ropes and onto the floor! COACH OH NO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE James Riggs is down on the outside! But Colombian Heat isn't moving! Indeed. Heat lies on the mat, clutching his right knee. Meanwhile, Staci runs over to check on James. JR gets off, a little slower than before. Riggs tells his wife to back off, a look of determination on his face. He takes a moment to catch his breath on the outside, and then rolls back into the ring. After kicking Colombian Heat in the face, James Riggs grabs Heat's right leg, spins around...and applies a Figure Four Leglock on Colombian Heat! COACH OH YEAH! THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The crowd is going nuts! Staci is also going nuts! Riggs has the Figure Four Leglock applied in the center of the ring. Nick Soapdish checks on Heat, asking him if he quits. An emphatic "NOOOOOO!" is Heat's response. COLE James Riggs has the Figure Four locked on! They're in the center of the ring! Colombian Heat could lose the 24/7 Title right now! COACH COME ON! COME ON! GIVE UP! GIVE UP! GIVE UP FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CAREER HEAT! GIVE UP! Riggs is also yelling for Heat to give up. But the Colombian superstar refuses to submit! Instead, Heat tries to turn to his side, in an attempt to reverse the hold. But he is unable to turn around, even after several tries. COLE Can you imagine the pain Colombian Heat is feeling? His right knee must be shredded by now! COACH He's risking his career by not submitting! He'll lose, but if his knee is gone, he'll never get a rematch! COLE Colombian Heat refuses to give in! He does NOT want to lose the 24/7 Title, ESPECIALLY to James Riggs! The crowd claps their hands in unison, in a vain attempt to rally Colombian Heat back into this match. Heat keeps trying to turn, but is just unable to. Riggs laughs manically at Heat's predicament. Nick Soapdish once again asks Heat if he gives up, but Heat gives him a profanity in reply. COLE James Riggs could quite possibly leave this arena a double champion in just a few moments! COACH THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT! Colombian Heat lies on the mat. The referee counts. Heat sits up at 2! Heat is trying to fight through the pain, but the look on his face tells us that the pain is unbearable. Colombian Heat tries a last minute effort to stop the Figure Four Leglock...by punching James Riggs in the face! The punches stagger Riggs, but the submission hold is still applied. COLE Heat with a desperation move! Heat continues punching James Riggs, nailing him with left jabs to the face! The punches get faster and presumably stronger as the crowd gets louder and louder. Riggs is now a little dazed and confused, but the Figure Four Leglock is still applied. Finally, Heat grabs James Riggs by his hair and gives him a right jab square in the nose, and it is with this that the Figure Four Leglock is finally stopped, much to the crowd's delight. COLE Colombian Heat fought his way out of the Figure Four Leglock! COACH I knew he would get desperate! He knew there was no way he was gonna survive the Figure Four Leglock any longer! He resorted to his thug tactics once again! COLE Colombian Heat didn't do anything even remotely thuggish! He just used his fists to escape a submission hold! Nothing wrong with that! COACH Yes there is! James Riggs should be the 24/7 Champion right now! COLE Well, Heat didn't submit. So the match must continue! Riggs and Heat both lie on the mat, both men feeling fatigued, with Heat still feeling pain in his right knee. The crowd is buzzing, feeling that the end is near. James Riggs slowly gets up, breathing hard and sweating up a storm. Half of the crowd starts booing him, while the other half roots for Colombian Heat to get up. Riggs stumbles a little bit around the ring, trying to get the blood flowing again. COLE Colombian Heat is still on the mat! COACH And he ain't getting up. JR jaw jacks with the fans, and then picks Colombian Heat up. COLOMBIAN HEAT NAILS JAMES RIGGS WITH THE PELE KICK~!!!!!! (With the left leg, 'natch.) COLE Pele Kick! Colombian Heat got him with the Pele Kick! COACH Awww, he can hit it from anywhere! James Riggs is kissing the canvas! Colombian Heat is also lying on his stomach. Staci is fretful for her husband, while the crowd has come alive once again! COLE Colombian Heat surprised James Riggs with the Pele Kick! Despite a hurt knee, Colombian Heat managed to fire off the Pele Kick to the shock and awe of James Riggs! COACH Okay! He got lucky right there! I'll admit it! But his luck just ran out! James is still conscious, so he can still win this match! COLE Heat normally does the Pele Kick with his right foot, but he just switched it for tonight! Good idea from Heat! Heat and Riggs both crawl around the ring. Staci rooting for James, the fans rooting for Heat. Colombian Heat and James Riggs both use the ropes to pull themselves up. They both get to a vertical base at the same time, at opposite sides of the ring. Heat is still nursing his right knee. Riggs has an angry look on his face. He charges forward, hands over his head, towards Heat. Heat punches Riggs in the face! He nails JR with several forearms to the temple! Heat then hooks Riggs up. Pimp Juice! COLE Pimp Juice from Colombian Heat! Heat goes for the cover. 1...2...LEFT SHOULDER UP! COLE That could have been it right there! We could have had a new X-Division Champion right there! The crowd is disappointed that that wasn't the finish. Colombian Heat is disappointed to, but he fights on, bad knee and all. Heat gets up, holding his right knee the whole way through. He picks James Riggs up. He then places Riggs in a standing headscissors. Heat lifts Riggs up in the air, and then runs forward...but collapses onto the mat! Riggs lands on his feet, and takes the advantage, covering Heat! COLE ONE! TWO! Hegothimnohedidn't! Riggs sits up and punches Heat in the face. He then grabs Heat--HEAT ROLLS HIM UP! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE New X-Division Champion! COACH Spoke too soon, Cole. Riggs gets up and picks Colombian Heat right back up. He kicks Heat in his right knee. He then goes for an Irish Whip--Heat reverses--short arm clothesline! Riggs gets up. Another clothesline! Riggs gets back up. Another clothesline! Riggs is up again! Clothesline! Riggs on his feet! Clothesline! Riggs is back up! Clothesline! Clothesline! Clothesline! Colombian Heat puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gag! COLE He's going for it! He's going for the Colombian Necktie! COACH DAMNIT! NO! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up. He then kicks him in the gut (with his left leg), and then hooks him up. COACH No! No! No! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, looks at Staci, and then looks up at James and smiles. Heat lifts James Riggs up high into the air to a loud pop from the crowd! COLE He's got him up! He's got him hooked! COACH Get down, James! Get down! CH smiles at the crowd. He lets the blood rush to Riggs' head before dropping down--NO! Heat's right knee starts to ache! Heat's right leg falls to the mat, and so does the rest of his body and Riggs! COLE Oh! Colombian Heat's right knee gave out! His knee couldn't hold up any longer! COACH Whoa! Fate actually worked in my favour for once! Colombian Heat sits on the mat, clutching his right knee. James Riggs slowly gets up. He is groggy, but when he sees Heat sitting on the mat, he knows just what to do. Riggs heads to a turnbuckle corner...charges forward...and crushes Heat's face with his right foot! COLE That was like a miniature version of the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH Yeah! And it worked just as well as the real version! The crowd groans when Riggs' foot meets Heat's face! Staci, on the other hand, lets out a joyous scream. Riggs quickly covers Colombian Heat, hooking his right leg, to add insult to injury! Referee Nick Soapdish counts. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (16:45) COLE James Riggs has done it! We got a new 24/7 Champion! COACH YES! YES! YES! FINALLY! Staci jumps up and down in joyous celebration. James Riggs raises his hands in victory and lets out a primal scream. The crowd is more stunned than angry, as Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign has come to an end. COLE James Riggs is now a double champion, less than a year after making his OAOAST debut! COACH I knew his time would come! I KNEW IT! I was right! You hate to admit it, but I was right! JR Nation has more reason to celebrate! Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign is OVAH~! DONE! FINISH! FINITO! GONE! ENDED! NO MORE! GOOD BYE! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The fans now begin booing, as the reality has set in. Colombian Heat still lies on the mat, holding his right knee in tremendous pain. Riggs is on his hands and knees and is looking up at the ceiling. BUFFER Here is your winner...STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion...and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd...JAMMMMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Nick Soapdish hands JR the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt, and then the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Riggs throws the X-Division Title belt aside and clutches the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt against his chest. He breathes a sigh of relief, and then kisses the Title belt. COLE James Riggs has been gunning for the 24/7 Championship since July. And now tonight, on September 20, 2007, he has won the 24/7 Title for the first time in his career! Although you can't help but think he had some help to do so! COACH Oh there you go. Every time James Riggs wins a match, you say he had some help! What makes you think that? COLE Well, Staci DID pull the top rope down, which caused Colombian Heat to fall out of the ring, which caused Heat to injure his right knee, which buckled when he tried to do the Colombian Necktie. COACH How are they all connected? Riggs was going to win eventually! He was the better wrestler! And besides, Heat hurt his knee 10-20 minutes ago? If it was all thanks to Staci that James won, wouldn't the match have ended in like 2-3 minutes? Staci DID help James, but not in the way you think. She motivated him, and now, the man has not one, but TWO Titles to carry around! Isn't that great!? COLE Great for James, absolutely. But not so great for these fans, OR Colombian Heat! COACH Bah! Who cares? Colombian Heat is now beltless! He is going home tonight a LOSER! That's right! A LOSER! Meanwhile, my man Riggs is going home not only with Staci, but with the X-Division AND 24/7 Championships! It is a great time to be James Riggs! Riggs has Nick Soapdish raise his hands in victory, this time while holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Staci enters the ring, making sure to step over Colombian Heat while making her way to her man. She gives him a big kiss and holds him while Riggs orders the ref to hand him the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. Nick Soapdish does so. James Riggs stands in the ring, holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his left hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his right hand while Staci holds him tight as "Dani California" continues playing. The crowd boos LOUDLY. Riggs responds to the booing with a chuckle then goes back to his cocky smirk. Staci sighs, looking lovingly at her husband. Nick Soapdish checks on Colombian Heat. COLE That man right there has all the gold right now! James Riggs is now the holder of TWO of the six OAOAST single titles. COACH He has been on a roll since July, Mikey Cole! AngleSlam was just a speed bump! He's recovered quite nicely hasn't he? He holds not one, but TWO victories over Colombian Heat, while Colombian Heat only has one little victory over James Riggs! Awww. Ah well, no use crying over spilled milk. It's time to celebrate! And I'm sure James and Staci will celebrate all night long! COLE He has been persistent, and his persistence finally paid off tonight. He's gotten what he wanted. He is the 24/7 Champion. COACH You're damn right he is! He is YOUR NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion! No longer will Colombian Heat soil the Title by just wearing it! We once again have a 24/7 Champion we can be proud of! I am SOOOO looking forward to his 24/7 Title reign! COLE Riggs is gonna have to be extra careful. He has TWO belts he has to defend now! COACH He can do it! He's James mother f'in Riggs! He can do anything! COLE He can't seem to win a match without help from his wife. COACH Oh, I KNOW you didn't just say what I think you just said! Tell me you didn't just say that! COLE I did. COACH BITCH! YOU LITTLE-- COLE Stop it, Coach! Don't make me call security! Let's look at the replay! James Riggs kisses the X-Division Championship belt, and then kisses the 24/7 Championship belt. James and Staci leave the ring. Riggs has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder, and the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Staci pulling the top ring rope down and Colombian Heat crashing onto the outside. COACH Okay so, Colombian Heat clumsily fell out of the ring, hurting his right knee in the process. And yeah, Staci touched the knee, but that didn't do any damage. It was when my man Riggs attacked that knee like a vulture, further injuring it, THAT is when the damage was done. At one point, Heat hit Riggs with the Pele Kick, but so what? That was a lucky shot. When he had the chance to finish the match, uh-oh, his knee gave out! Colombian Heat fell, and thank God JR didn't break his neck when he fell! Then, this is the best part, watch...BOOM! JR hit Colombian Heat with an innovative version of the Rolling Koppou Kick! He just KILT IT right there! James Riggs made the cover. 1! 2! 3! Your winner, STILL the OAOAST X-Division Champion...and NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion, James Riggs! JR Nation, you better get the party started tonight! COLE 'Clumsily fell out of the ring?' Staci just 'touched' the knee? COACH Don't play coy with me, Michael! You KNOW that's what happened! COLE Oh come on. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Nick Soapdish is still checking on Colombian Heat's right knee. COLE Colombian Heat is still in the ring. His right knee could be seriously injured! COACH Good. That just makes my night even better! First Riggs gets rid of Dance Dance Dragon, now he gets rid of Colombian Heat! COLE Colombian Heat may be following in Dance Dance Dragon's footsteps, unfortunately! Hopefully, the injury isn't *too* bad. COACH What do you mean 'hopefully', Michael? Colombian Heat can go jump off a bridge for all I care. COLE I shouldn't have expected you to have sympathy for your fellow man. COACH Not when that man is Colombian Heat. The less dancing fools in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, the better! COLE Wonderful. Well, you'll never be nominated for the Humanitarian of the Year Award, I can tell you that much. James Riggs and Staci walk up the entrance ramp, Riggs holding both his Title belts. Colombian Heat watches the two walking on the AngleTron. COACH Sad how a girl named Staci once again screwed Colombian Heat over, isn't it? COLE But I thought you said Staci had nothing to do with James' victory! COACH Uh...well, she didn't...but in a way...she did screw Heat over...just by being at ringside? COLE You're something else, Coach. You know that? You're something else. Anyway fans, the fact of the matter is James Riggs is the winner in this Champion vs. Champion match. He is now a double champion, while Colombian Heat goes home empty handed. Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign has come to an end at the hands of one of his biggest enemies, which must surely make this loss sting even worst than it already does! Hopefully, Colombian Heat will turn out all right. Doctors will check on his knee as soon as possible. But for now, the reality is that James Riggs is the current OAOAST X-Division AND 24/7 Champion! What a night in the career of James Riggs! A night he will surely never forget! Fans, we'll be right back right after this with more HeldDOWN~! James Riggs and Staci stand on the entrance stage. Riggs throws up a "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, and some other pseudo-gang signs, mocking Colombian Heat. Staci does a SHIMMY~! of her own, which pops the crowd. James puts a stop to that. James Riggs slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He then puts his right arm over Staci's shoulders, and the two of them laugh maniacally. Colombian Heat is both pissed off and hurt over his loss and his bad right knee. James and Staci leave through the entrance doors as "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers continues playing. Colombian Heat watches them leave on the AngleTron. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK * COMMERCIAL BREAK* lmao i fell asleep midway through posting, after drinking cuz of another dodgers loss Terry Taylor is backstage chilling in the interview section with Chicks Over Dicks,. The backstage area is decorated to look like a whimsical game room, with a pool table in the middle, air hockey off to the side, video screens showing various sports games on the wall, and OAOAST paraphenellia on the wall. Both the girls wear Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim jerseys in honor of the only decent baseball in LA County. Wait, the Angels play in Orange County. FUCK. TAYLOR Ladies and gentlemen, Terry Taylor backstage with One and Only World Tag Team Champs, four time title holders, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, in ten days at Zero Hour you have a title match with a team that may have flown under the radar in the OAOAST, but still has a very impressive won-loss record, The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew. Now... KRISTA Press pause, Double T, because as America's Sweethearts we gotta due our duty and speak to land of the thief and the home of the snake, because god damn it, Terry, the issues in this country, they are a pressing! ALIX For really-yo! Homegirl ain't even speaking on the fact that six black students are being hung out to dry by a corrupt Louisiana legal system, or the fact that interests rates are pretty much going to shoot our economy into a hell. Who gives a crap about all that stupid junk? She's talking about the treatment of a true American hero like George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King, or the brave men and women of the Beverly Hills fire department who risked their lunch break to rescue Krista's cat from a tree. Too bad the reason it was in the tree in the first place, was because I had to hide it from Krista after I found out antifreeze is even a worse topping for cat food then it is for human food! Ugh! Do you know how hard it was to fit her grandfather in the dumpster? Sooooooo, who's this American hero, you haven't asked? Why, it's none other then...oh poopie I forget! KRISTA Dummy, how can you forget the last of the real American Heroes, Kevin Federline? Terry Taylor, in my recent surfing of Perezhilton.com, to see if that pink haired yeast infection has in fact been tossed into a pool of AIDs filled syringes, I uncovered a tragedy far worse then Hurricane Katrina, because this didn't happen to mostly ethnic minorities. Someone may have put a contract killing on K-fed! If you'll pardonnez Alix's français, TAYLOR (interrupting obv) According to the feds the case is closed and no contract was taken out. KRISTA Attention LAX passengers, someone has left a bag of shut the hell up on the concourse, please come and claim it. Now as I was saying, if you'll pardonnez Alix's français, ALIX The whiteman is fuckin up! First voting Jason Whaler number two on Celebrity Rap Superstar, go Kendra!, now K-Fed's getting eighty sixed? Where's the pity for your z-list celebs? God, our broken vibrators have more buzz then K-fed! Who knew lighting ten inch vibrators on fire would increase only our insurance payment and not the spice in the bedroom? KRISTA James Dobson is right, America is a land of unpardonable sin. America, you wanna go Collateral, Tom Cruise style on a functioning downs syndrome suffer! I, being the kind hearted clean living soul that I am, like to imagine that God installs some kind of fail safe in people with Downs that kills them by shooting concentrated beams of happiness and sunshine, and puppies directly into their hearts, but you sick sadistic creeps think its cool to turn them into a human game of Duck Hunt. ALIX Did you do drive bys on Forest Gump? Burn crosses on Rainman's lawn? No way Jose? Then shame on you! Shame, shame, shame! KRISTA Far be it for me to discourage the violent pursuits of a nation of disgruntled gun toting white men in Confederate flag t-shirts that read “You wear your X, I'll wear mine”, and pickup trucks boasting the infamous “AIDS KILL FAGS QUICK” bumper sticker, but if we're going to mow down random celebrities, can we at least target ones that may possibly be smarter then the little present my dog left in Angelina Jolie's driveway yesterday morning? ALIX Its super bitching if ya want to adopt like an entire Vietnamese village, while American babies suffer at the expense of their crack addicted, unemployed moms, but keep 'em off my frggign' Tulips! Jeesh! TAYLOR Girls, should we really be encouraging people to act fantasies of violence? ALIX Terry, what kind of hella rad role models would we be if we didn't? Psychopaths at home, close up that notebook that details how you're gonna slaughter every girl who's rejected your sexual advances, and listen to Miss Ally! You're lame ass therapist may be all like, acting out intentions of homicide is wrong and blah, blah, blippity bloop! Uh, hello? Since when do mental health professionals know anything about mental health? Krista's therapist told me that if she took another cocktail of twenty Tylenol, and two bottles of tequila, she'd keel right on over. Well thirty minutes of getting her stomach pumped at Cedars Sinai and we were only twenty minutes late for the Emmys! What I'm trying to say is sniffing underwear is fun no matter if Jodie Foster threatens to call the cops if you don't get out her bedroom in ten minutes. Also, we have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves against Alexander Hamilton's federalist troops! But they're not around for some weird reason. Soooooo howsabout we just kill-kill-kill the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew instead! KRISTA You don't really have to kill them, per se. Unless your OJ, who at this point could rape the vice president and toss him off a speeding train in the middle of the Pope's Christmas mass, and get off with community service. But for the rest of you this is what we ask, if you should ever see The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew, do not hesitate to beat their ass, hit 'em with sticks, bricks, knives, rocks, bats, croquet mallets, ALIX Useless garbage like Kelly Clarkson's last album, KRISTA throw things at 'em, bitch slap 'em, treat 'em like man hoes, do it for me, do it for me do it for Alix, do it for D*LUX, do it for the OAOAST, do it because your X-Box 360 got the three redlights of doom and you've got nothing else to do, ALIX Do it because despite your numerous appeals the state of California deems you're not fit to be within sixty feet of Jodie Foster. KRISTA do it just to do it, they're weak, they won't hit you back, they're nothing. Look a year from now, you'll be out eating at Denny's and they'll be there bussing the tables, cleaning the toilets, because they've got no future in this business. None. Rico says he wants The Wrecking Crew to be the number one tag team? You simple jackass, the only way you could ever taste number one is if you dipped your head in an unflushed toilet. Gentlemen, Alix may have a heart sweeter then candy, but for me the America's sweetheart nickname is just that, a nickname. I'm one bad lipstick butch, who likes her liquor dark, her drugs white, and her asses beat black and blue. And if you cross that line into Memphis, Tennessee, I can't promise you that you'll ever cross back over. That's all I have to say about that. TAYLOR My! Girls, thanks once again for your comments and honesty. K-Fed, you have a friend in COD, and Jesus. With that we head to commercial break.... COMING UP NEXT ZACK MALIBU. LANDON MADDIX. PRL. YOUR MAINEVENT NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return to live action with a shot Cole and Coach, once again standing in front of an orange lit ring. COLE Right now, we'd like to get you up to speed with some footage from our Syndicated broadcast from this past weekend. A couple of weeks ago, we showed you the closing stages of a match between Jamie O'Hara and James Blonde, when Nathaniel Black got VERY involved at the expense of Jamie O'Hara. Well, this past weekend, O'Hara was given an opportunity to try and extract some revenge, albeit against the three hundred pound Samoan Wrecking Ball, Faqu. Well, once again, Nathaniel Black got involved, as we can show you right now. ***** The footage begins to roll with Faqu tied up in the ropes, Andre The Giant style and O'Hara giving all he has with some wild right hands. James Blonde is on the outside and going crazy at the referee for not doing anything to help his partner. COLE (VOICEOVER) And here you see, after a absorbing a lot of punishment from the big Samoan, O'Hara finally caught a break. But his luck didn't last long... As O'Hara finally stops punching, Blonde climbs to the apron and tries to help the referee untie his partner. This distraction though allows NATHANIEL BLACK to roll into the ring! COLE (VOICEOVER) In would come Nathaniel Black, with the referee distracted... spins O'Hara around and... *WHAM!* Black nails O'Hara with a Lariat so hard, it literally turns The Birmingham Bad Boy inside out!! COLE (VOICEOVER) ...unseen by the referee, a vicious clothesline from Black would turn the tide. Black quickly slides out of the ring just as Faqu is freed. Faqu shakes away the abuse he took a few seconds ago and stalks over to O'Hara, picking him up off the canvas. SCHIAVONE The referee didn't see a thing. And now, Jesse, O'Hara is defenceless! VENTURA Well so was Faqu and I didn't hear you complaining Schiavone! SCHIAVONE This is totally different and you know it! Nathaniel Black isn't involved in this match, this is basically three on one and now, O'Hara is helpless! Faqu drags the lifeless Birmingham Bad Boy to his feet, or as close as possible. Butterflying the arms, The Samoan Wrecking Ball then lets out a loud war cry, before lifting O'Hara up AND SPIKING HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA Death By Samoan! You could count to a thousand and he wouldn't kick out! Cover by Faqu... 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* PENZER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL", FFAAAAAQQUUUUUU!! ***** COLE Well, after the match, the trio of Black, Blonde and Faqu were cornered by Jesse Ventura and they had this to say! ***** More Syndicated footage, with the aforementioned trio in a locker room with Jesse. BLACK Yeh know, I am sick an' I am tired of Jamie O'Hara. I've been trackin' that scrawny little jackmonkey for damn near four months now an' I still 'aven't made myself clear to all these Yanks. They all think I'm in the wrong, just 'cause I'm an Englishman an'! They aut'amatically go against us just 'cause we're the foreigners. These two 'ere, they've 'ad to put up with it just like me. From the fans, to the refs, to the match makers, to the front office... everybody! VENTURA Nathaniel, I hate to interrupt you here, but Jamie O'Hara IS a foreigner. BLACK He ain't a foreigner! He sure as 'ell ain't British anyway, not really. All of that 'bling' or whatever the 'ell it's called, talkin' like he's some sorta braindead DefJam tosser. He's a disgrace to my country an' I ain't gonna rest so long as he's walkin' around the OAOAST. There's nothin' I enjoy more than knockin' out teeth of people like 'im. An' that's exactly what I did tonight! If there one type of person I 'ate more than those stinkin' Yanks out there, it's people who wanna be stinkin' Yanks! Jamie O'Hara, he ain't a real Englishman. He ain't a true Brit like me. He ain't built with the same bulldog spirit like Nathaniel Black an' I will do whatever it takes to prove that to the world. I am more of an Englishman than Jamie O'Hara in every way possible. It's as simple as that. ***** COLE Well, developments over the past few days. On OAOAST.com, Jamie O'Hara has this exclusively to say regarding Nathaniel Black. ***** Cut to Jamie O'Hara, sat on the swings in a pretty rundown looking playground. O'HARA So, Nathaniel Black says that I ain't a real Englishman? Man, you clearly ain't heard the buzz, dawg. I'm the Birmingham Bad Boy! I'm the Midlands' most undeniable superstar, that's for real. Ain't nobody in Birmingham who says I ain't English enough. So, I ain't gonna let some London wideboy wanker try an' make out any different! Now, I heard ya'll were talkin' some crap about how you were "more of an Englishman than Jamie O'Hara in e'ry way possible". Blacky, were I come from, those is fightin' words. Sounds like you're tryin'ta lay out a challenge to the big J-OH! So, I've been thinkin' 'bout it an' I've been thinkin', 'what better way to find out who's the better Brit'? An' the way I see it, we ain't got too many options. Let's face it mate, I ain't the most famous Brit in the US. And you ain't neither. It's mah boy Becks! An' how does Becks do? O'Hara stands up, picking up a SOCCER BALL from the floor. O'HARA Oh yeah. How 'bout this mate, you wanna see who the best Englishman is? You an' me, penalty shootout. Now, I know us Brits ain't all that hot on the penners all the time. So, that just goes to prove who's really hot an' who ain't. So, I'll see yeh in Memphis an' we'll settle it like men from 12 yards. How's about that? OUT! ***** COLE So, it seems like we've got a little bit of a challenge on the table. Jamie O'Hara, challenging Nathaniel Black to a Penalty Shootout to determine who the true Englishman really is. Have you ever heard anything like it Coach? COACH Is that, like, soccer? COLE Uhm, yes. COACH Well, as an American, I'm trained not to care one iota. But, as a Nathaniel Black fan, I hope he wipes the floor with O'Hara. So long as I don't have to pretend I know what's going on while it's happening. COLE Why change the habit of a lifetime? OHHHHH, BALLIN'! More HeldDOWN coming right up. COMMERCIAL BREAK

OAOAST HELDDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Sydney White-Starring Amanda Bynes Rhapsody-Think it. Hear It. And... Dorito Collisions-Two bold flavors. One bag. Backstage we go, into the locker room of our very own Franchise, Zack Malibu. Why we're in Zack's locker room while he's in the middle of a presumably private phone conversation isn't clear but hey, it's wrestling. As Zack continues to talk away as you would if you didn't realise you were being watched, his locker room door begins to open though. And much to The Franchise's surprise, LANDON MADDIX breezes in. MADDIX Can I have... Zack, looking very surprised still under his scowl, holds up a hand to Maddix. MALIBU (down the phone) Just give me a second wouldya. Setting down his phone, Zack stands up, ready to fight. MALIBU What the hell do you want? MADDIX Relax, relax. I've got a proposition for you, one you might be pretty interested in. MALIBU Why would I be interested in anything you have to say? MADDIX Well, hear me out here, okay? Jeez. Look, we don't agree on much. We don't see eye to eye on many things, if any. But after what happened last week, I think we can both agree on one thing... Tha Puerto Rican can not be trusted. Scoffing under his breath, Zack shakes his head and sits back down. MALIBU Tell me something I don't know. MADDIX Right, so, we can both agree that he's a conniving little son of a bitch who we both hate. MALIBU (glances up) Sure. And I deal with those kinda people every day here. If that was meant at a shot at Landon, it flies over his head. MADDIX Okay, but here's the thing, we shouldn't even have to be dealing with him. I'm the reigning World Heavyweight Champion, you're the former Champion... what is PRL? He's a distraction. So he won some battle royal, got himself a title shot? He lost at AngleSlam. HE lost, I pinned him... with your help, I guess... anyway, the important point is, PRL doesn't deserve this rematch at Zero Hour! By rights it should be you and me, one on one. Deep down, that's what you want and don't try to kid me and tell me any different. And for that to happen, we need to get rid of PRL. Now, I've pulled a few strings and I've got us a Handicap Match tonight, you and me versus PRL... MALIBU (chuckling to himself) You have got to be kidding me. MADDIX Wha... MALIBU You do realise I know you gave PRL this exact same speech last week, right? What's changed? A little matter of a superkick to the face perhaps? Come on Maddix, what did you think was going to happen, you coming in here offering to TEAM with me. MADDIX Don't think of it like that. Think of it as using a situation to your advantage. Come on Zack, think of yourself for once! You live your life for those people out there, being their 'Franchise', doing what they want. Be selfish for once. Do this for you. Not for me, you! Come on Zack! Standing back up, Zack stares at Landon, still looking mildly amused. MALIBU You know, you are so full of crap... MADDIX Now, come on... MALIBU ...but, I'm not doing anything else tonight. And hey, maybe I'll get to pin PRL like I pinned you last week. So, what the hell, you've got a partner tonight. MADDIX And I can trust you. Because, you're a trustworthy guy, right? MALIBU Sure. You can take my word, I won't walk out on you tonight. Looking like he can hardly believe his luck, Landon looks ready to hug his arch-rival for a second before realising just what he's doing. He settles for patting Zack on the shoulder, which still earns him a dirty look, pumping an encouraging fist to his makeshift partner before leaving the locker room with a big smile on his face. Hands on hips, Zack shakes his head and picks up the phone again. MALIBU Candie, you hear all that? ..... Yeah, can you believe that kid? COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return to a wide arena shot, which sees every member of the audience mug for their thirty seconds of camera time. But ten seconds is all they'll collectively get before we settle on dance club chic entry way... James Brown‘s “Living in America” plays the flag waving All-American Boys to the ring. BUFFER The following contest on HeldDOWN~!, tag team action scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave…FREEDOM and LIBERTY…THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! “YYEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!” COLE How about that, Coach? We now know the names of these masked patriots. Freedom and Liberty. I love it. COACH Especially in airport restrooms! “Money Talks” by AC/DC hits and the crowd immediately begins to direct its venom towards the two guys, a girl and a briefcase. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by their Chief Financial Officer MACKENZIE DECENZO, representing the Enterprise, the former One & Only World tag team champions…THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Theodore laughs manically as he climbs up the steel steps flashing the universal sign of money (fingers). Inside, Mackenzie helps CW remove his red jacket, revealing a physique that would pass any Wellness Policy in the world (because he‘s The Natural, silly). COLE Here are the men who will square off against The Love Doctors at Zero Hour. With more on that, The Love Doctors have these pre-recorded comments. * SWOOSH * The Love Doctors appear in a small box at the upper left hand corner of the screen in their scrubs and lab coats. DR. MAX Money may be able to buy a lot of things, but one thing it can’t buy is our obligation to the patients of Windy City Hospital and fans around the world. DR. STEVEN Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, you guys go on and on about the power of money, claiming how easy it would be to destroy us personally and professionally. Sunday night, September 30th you’ll have the opportunity to put your money where your mouth is. But I can promise you this right now: it won’t be easy as you think. * SWOOSH * COLE Strong words from The Love Doctors, who picked up a huge win over the Heavenly Rockers last week on the program. COACH Thanks to a little help from the Angels of Death. I bet they got free gynecological exams in exchange. * DINGDINGDING * Christian Wright and Freedom begin with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Wright plants the tip of the boot into the midsection of Freedom, doubling him over, then snaps his head straight back with a hard European uppercut. CW chops the masked patriot against the ropes and tags in Theodore Moneymaker after an Irish whip. The Billion Dollar Heir follows up a well placed forearm to the gut with a BILLION $ KNEELIFT! COLE Beautifully executed. MACKIE COACH Speaking of beautiful, Mackenzie DeCenzo loves what she’s seeing. Her tandem looking sharp going into Zero Hour, Sunday night, September 30th live on pay-per-view. Rather than go for the pin Theodore slams Freedom near his corner and allows him to make the tag. As Liberty steps through the ropes, Moneymaker clubs him across the shoulders and snap mares him over to the mat, dropping A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS onto his face! But the Billion Dollar Heir goes to the well one too many times, driving his fist into the canvas on a second attempt. He whipped in and back dropped, then brought to the mat in a side headlock. Moneymaker refuses to stay on the ground for long, immediately returning to a vertical base. Without delay he shoots Liberty into the Enterprise side of the ring, where Christian Wright delivers a knee to the spine of the back! COACH It’s the little things Wright and Moneymaker do right, Cole. They’re by far the smartest tag team in wrestling today. Not to mention the richest! CW drapes Liberty across his shoulders and tumbles forward, crashing all his weight onto the proud American with the BANK ROLL! Then he pops to his feet and SPEARS Freedom off the apron! “OH!” Wright’s next act of business is to elevate Liberty for a suplex, only to drop him flat on his face! COLE Stockmarket Crash! And that’ll do it. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! COLE Impressive outing for the Enterprise. What a match it should be at Zero Hour between them and The Love Doctors. Mackie raises her team’s hands in victory. Highlights of the match are replayed , freezing on the aforementioned shot of the Enterprise celebrating their win before going to… COMMERCIAL BREAK