Patty O'Green

SCHOOL HAZE A documentary film By Simon Singleton Cinematography by Molly Nerdly STARRING Rico De Janeiro Lucius Soul and featuring Tyler Bryant Shayne Brave The “movie” begins with the musical accompaniment of Wonderful World by Sam Cooke and an exterior shot of the Beverly Hills Vista Elementary School, where Maya Duncan-Blanchard, daughter of Krista and Ned, spends time honing her already out of this world intellect. As it's only a few minutes before the opening bell, the grounds are overflowing with rambunctious children, and teachers trying to usher them into the building. After the ranks of students thin out, the image dissolves, rematerializing seconds later into the sight of Lucius Soul and Rico De Janeiro strolling through a hallway of the prestigious school. Soul has attired himself in snake skin shoes, zebra print bell bottoms, a purple and green tiger print vest, and an orange fedora. Rico looks sightly less crazy in white jeans that are a million sizes too short, and a bright yellow silk dress shirt. SINGLETON (off screen) Simon Singleton... MOLLY (off screen) And me! SINGLETON Simon Singleton, and Molly Nerdly, offering you a firecracker of an expose, as we seek to blow up the biggest sham of them all, the American educational system. Today, Mister Lucius Soul and Mister Rico De Janeiro join our hunt for two women, Alix Maria Spezia, and Krista Isadora Duncan, a parent of a child who's being brutally swindled by the shady ploys of a broken institution. MOLLY Lucius, it cost seventeen thousand dollars per year to send your child to this school. More then what your average American can possibly afford. How do you feel about that? Soul and Rico admire the fabulous conditions of the ritzy private school. SOUL Man, this place is nice. My elementary school was so ghetto kindergärtners didn't have nap time, they had lockdown. Art teacher was mad niggerish, had us making counterfit license plates, talking 'bout he can get ten bucks a pop down at the corner store. Took us on a field trip, said we was going to the art museum, nigga had us meetin his probation officer. “Look officah, Ah'm supportin mah kids!” RICO So this, chico, this is what it means to be rich in America? All your money and riches forked over to your snot nosed little brats. Do ya know how much money Rico gives to his kids? Not a dime, man. You work for what you earn in Rico's world, chico. You get nothing from me, man. Nada. Suddenly a young boy carrying a ceramic bowl he made in art class darts down the hallway. Obviously unaccustomed to having people who look bat shit insane in his hallway, he stops, surprised at the sight of the strange foursome. Rico eyes his ceramic bowl with curiosity. RICO Hey, man, whatchu got there? That don't look like no textbook or calculator. KID Its a bowl! I made it for my mommy. Rico snatches the bowl out the kid's hand. It appears that he's about to cry, until Soul silences him with a menacing finger wave. RICO No, you make it for Rico now. Hmm...it looks more like a cup then bowl. By cup Rico seems to have meant protective cup as he rubs it around his crotch, drawing a dissatisfied scowl onto his face. RICO This, this, don't fit, man! This don't fit at all. Was wrong witchu, man? What you tryin to do to Rico, man? You tryna break Rico's balls? Rico don't break his balls for nobody. I gotta have you understand something, see. Rico has big Brazillian cock, huge South American penis. It's an icon in my village, adored by the women, respected by the men, enjoyed by children of all ages. Sometimes, when the cops are interrogating someone, man, and he's real tough, don't wanna talk, they bring in Rico, and I smack 'em around with my penis, then he gets to spillin' his guts. KID I saw my daddy smacking the poolboy with his penis. He works for the government! MOLLY Woah! What's that I hear? An Emmy? A Larry King Interview? Front page New York Times? RICO (ignoring Molly's delight) Rico needs big, big, cup to protect his monstrous penis. Can you build Rico big cup for his big penis? The kid nods enthusiastically. RICO Good man. You keep eating your vegetables, sayin' your prayers, and wishing upon a star, maybe one day some little kid will make you cup for your big Brazilian penis like me. Pleased with the knowledge that he to may one day traumatize young boys, the kid scurries off. SOUL (laughing) You wrong for that, Rico. You mad wrong. I ain't visiting you neither when they cart you off to the pen. RICO Whatchu mean, mang? The children love me, because I don't give it to them no bullshit. You wanna know the real problem with America and its schools, they don't wanna give the children the realness like I do. I tell 'em everything beca.... Before Rico can finish his sentence the sound of two familiar voices silences he and his partner. The voices belong to two males who couldn't be day older then twenty. Their laugh grates on the nerves of Rico and Soul, etching looks of disapproval onto their face. The camera swerves around to reveal D*LUX's Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant emerging from a fourth grade classroom. The sight of each other throws all four men into a state of shock, because if two OAOAST wrestlers in an elementary school thousands of miles away from their hometown is very strange, then four OAOAST wrestlers in an elementary school thousands of miles away from their hometown is SEVERLY FUCKED UP! Soul is able to get over the fucked upness quickly enough to draw first verbal blood. SOUL Well, if it ain't peckerwood and peck-a-dick. SINGLETON Oh snap! RICO (holding the ceramic bowl to his dick) Hey, you guys like my new cup? SHAYNE A little big for you, isn't it? MOLLY Oh double snap! SOUL Yo, shut the hell up, boy. What are ya'll doing up in here? SHAYNE (proudly) Us? We're Maya Duncan-Blanchard's show and tell! As a matter of fact we were a huge hit with her class. SINGLETON Show and tell? SOUL I get it. They show the kids how to be a pussy, and tell 'em how to be a bitch. MOLLY Oh snap-oh snap-and oh snap again! TYLER We answered you. So, you answer us. What do you want here? SOUL While ya'll steady stay on some To Catch A Predator, Garry Glitter type shit, simping on some sixth graders, waving around lil Kool-Aid juice boxes and Lunchables like it crack rock to ho's on eighth avenue, we came looking for the finest hoes in all of Southern California, Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. Where they at? TYLER I'd thank you not to refer to Miss Krista as a hoe. And they're at work. Miss Krista is filming a fitness video, and Alix is at her bakery. RICO (stunned) Why ain't they with Maya, mang? This where she go to school, right? Who lied? SHAYNE Huh? A mother doesn't spend her every waking moment at her kid's side. Apparently this is a new concept for Rico and Soul, who now realized they've flown across the country for nothing more then a tour of Dodge Stadium. SOUL Man, I don't believe this shit! Awww, god damnit! God damn it! While dressing like they may have just crawled out of a drag revue show, and enlisting a five year old into making penis apparel, may not have drawn the attention of the faculty, but Soul's outburst certainly did. The door to the classroom that D*LUX just emerged from creeps open. However, the arguing wrestlers aren't admonished with the stern face of the teacher, but with the stern face of Maya Duncan-Blanchard, dressed like a miniature Krista. However, she chews them out like a full grown Krista. MAYA Excuse me! I know its kind of hard to tell with all the lockers, children, backpacks, textbooks, classrooms, computers, chalkboards, and teachers around, but this is actually a school. Shocking, I know. The Beverly Hills Vista Elementary schools strives to provide us students with incentives for character, scholarship, and personality through a rigorous yet engagingly revolutionary curriculum. But in order to do that, our teachers need thoroughgoing taciturnity. Do you understand? RICO No. Not at all. MAYA Just be quieter! SOUL Sure thing, sweetie. MAYA Please don't call me sweetie. I want society to respect me no matter what flavor I decide to be, sweet, sour, tangy, mild. I'm careful about what auras I allow into my life. Oh, hi, Uncle Simon! SIMON Hi, Maya! Once Maya disappears to go back to discovering the secret of life or whatever it is girl geniuses do, the adults keep their voices at inside level. TYLER What would bottom feeders like you you want with Miss Krista and Alix anyway? Forgetting Maya's stern admonishment, Molly belts out her answer. MOLLY To put the parents who enable this farce of an edu... RICO (interrupting Molly, obv) What we, Lucius and Rico, want is title belts and championship gold! You know, man, The Mardi Gras should be the undisputed number one tag team in the world. Problem is, a couple of these bums out in the industry, they don't wanna recognize the greatness that Rico and his partner, Sweet Lucius Soul bring to the table. Why is that, mang? SOUL Jealously. Plain and simple. RICO Jealously that we have everything they want, money, cars, women, power, and the world, chico. The world most of all. How do we get these maricon cocksuckers to recognize that the Wrecking Crew owns that number one spot? How we gonna overcome the jealously and get what's coming to us? I tell you, man. I tell you. We get those One and Only world tag team titles. We get those belts from Chicks Over Dicks, and we got the respect and the recognition, we've been deserving since the dawn of time. We're gonna be on top, man, us and nobody else. SOUL (smirking) And that ain't no thang for Mardi Gras. After all we is the greatest HI-YAH tag team champs of all time. Right? Not taking Lucius' bait, Shayne defends Krista's honor rather then his own. SHAYNE Miss Krista is as brave and courageous as she is beautiful! She's a real life warrior princess! TYLER She'll take your challenge, no question about it. And just like in the scramble cage match she'll be the one showered with cheers and chants, and you'll be the one showering with tears and regrets. You can bet on that. After all she is a four time tag team champion, and you, well...you're nothing. RICO (laughing) When you're defending your little eight man titles... TYLER Six man.. RICO whatever, once every four months, and we're getiin praised as the greatest tag team in the business, I'll make sure to remind you you said that, man. Soul puts his hand in the air to call for silence. SOUL 'Cause I'm such a good Christian, and a proud, proud, member of the church and congregation, praise the lord Jesus, it hurts me to have to talk so dirty about them females, but they dirty girls and I gotta do a dirty girl in the dirtiest way I know. See, we got another problem with Chicks Over Dicks. SHAYNE What's that? SOUL What I got to tell you is a dose of that strong medicine, lord forgive me for what I'm bout to say, but you made me no other way. We motherfucking pimps. Pimpeddd out with three d's for a triple dose of this pimpin. God put women on this earth to ho, and macs on this earth to pimp. I tell a bitch I'ma pimp they ass and that's that, I tell a bitch I'ma tap that ass, and that's that again. They say okay, we do the damn thing, and I get my money. And when I see those two bitches, Alix and Krista, its like damn I gotta do this. They got on them fuckin jeans and them skirts, how the fuck am I not goin' pimp this? God gave me life to pimp that quality of bitch. Rico, how we not gonna pimp this? At the very least how we not gonna tap that? SHAYNE Because if you try to you're gonna come face to face with a D*LUX beatdown. RICO (ignoring Shayne's threat) Because they're dykes. MOLLY Bigotry and prostitution as it relates to an upper class interracial lesbian couple as a metaphor for the faltering educational system? You couldn't have planned this better if it was a skit in the middle of a show featuring heavily choreographed fake fighting. Please continue with your ignorance! SOUL Alix and Krista could be the best hoes we've ever had. Big ol booties, big ol titties, fine ass legs, and a whole lot of brains. They home run hitters, they competin on that field, going to hit that grand slam, getin they man, us men, everything. They know we been itchin' to bust that shit out! But they shuttin us out, because instead of letting Soul strap on the rubber, they'd rather strapon the rubber, if you know what I mean? LITTLE BOY No, what do you mean? RICO What the hell? Get outta here, man! SOUL Ya'll might be cool with circle jerkin to their fitness videos and magazine spreads, but big Lucious and Rico slim, is pimps, and we gotta be how pimps be, and real pimps, real one hundred percent, hard and cold on a hoe pimps, ain't be appreaciating pussy keeping pussy. RICO This is to say we don't appreciate this lesbian thing, mang. It goes against the natural order of being a pimp. SHAYNE Hey, guess what, dude? We don't appreciate you calling Krista or Alix, bitches, and hoes. In fact, we don't really appreciate anything you've said right here. And you're close to starting a fight you can't win. TYLER So either clam up, or we'll clam you up! RICO That so, man? SOUL Easy, easy, easy. You don't have to appreciate anything, just pass on the message. These queen latifah girls is done. When the big daddies bust down the door its over for these carpet munchers, because we coming to bomb that shit wide out! Wonderful World returns to it's position as the auditory narrative as the camera glides backwards through the hallway, eventually reducing the staredown between the two teams into one jumbled speck. As it backs out the door the view switches to an image of solider lying bloody and dead within the jungles of Vietnam. No it doesn't make sense, but its art, it shouldn't make sense to plebeians like you. SCHOOL HAZE A documentary film By Simon Singleton Cinematography by Molly Nerdly COACH D*LUX looking like some simple fools right about now. Couple of Captain save-a-hoes. And the ho they saving is a lesbian. Disgusting. You'll never see me like that. COLE I doubt we'll ever see you with a woman period. Folks, please stay tuned for more OAOAST action, as The Love Doctors will battle Los Conquistadors, a team still on the hunt for their first OAOAST victory.

* SWOOSH * Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated Snap suplex by O'Hara! SCHIAVONE O'Hara, mounting a real comeback here! O'Hara hops up quickly, stomping Blonde back down and making sure he's firmly down. He then sets, readying himself before springing off the mat and tumbling... WITH A SHOOTING STAR PRESS!?! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" 1... 2... Kickout! Furious, O'Hara glares at Mickey Jay as he gets back up, waiting for Blonde. On the outside, Faqu continues to watch on stoicly. SCHIAVONE O'Hara has to stay on the attack here, Blonde is visably reeling. Picking himself up in the corner, sudden fear strikes Blonde as The Birmingham Bad Boy sprints towards him... ...sidestep... ...O'Hara lands on the middle rope safely though. With a quick spring, he then vaults backwards, moonsaulting... onto his feet! Blonde is able to sidestep the 'sault too though and as O'Hara lands, a short knee to the ribs slows the human speedball down. Resting against the turnbuckles for a second, Blonde eventually goes up onto the middle rope, drawing O'Hara into a stinging right hand and hooking on a front facelock. Blonde then takes off, spiking O'Hara on his head with a Tornado DDT! VENTURA From Vancouver With Love, not a lot of love for O'Hara though. All pain. With O'Hara down, Blonde slows the pace down a little by taking a breather, before making a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling O'Hara up, Blonde nails a right hand and then a second before pushing O'Hara into the ropes, sending him across the ring. As he hits the ropes though, O'Hara manages to hook his arms over the top rope and halt his momentum... only for Blonde to charge in anyway and clothesline O'Hara up and over the top. However, he doesn't notice O'Hara grabbing the top rope and levering himself onto the apron and turns his back to motion to the crowd, leaving himself open for a springboard missile dropkick from O'Hara! Sprawling forward, Blonde ends up tumbling out through the ropes and to the floor, while O'Hara tries to regain his senses. VENTURA Not a good place to be against this guy. Slowly Blonde pulls himself up on the outside. In the ring meanwhile, the same can be said for O'Hara, who has Blonde in his sights. Moving Mickey Jay aside, O'Hara takes a run-up, before cartwheeling across the ring and tumbling up, over, out and WIPING OUT BLONDE WITH A SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP~! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Put that one on the highlight reel! VENTURA They didn't do that kinda thing in my day, Schiavone. The crowd applaud O'Hara, as he and Blonde lie in a mangled heap on the arena floor. Meanwhile, referee Mickey Jay begins his count on both men. O'Hara rolls to his knees, trying to shake out the cobwebs after taking a pretty rough landing on the floor himself. Watching from a few feet away is Faqu, standing menacingly cracking his knuckles. SCHIAVONE I still don't understand what right that monster has to be out here. He can't have a manager's license and he's obviously got a vested interest in proceedings. VENTURA Schiavone, get with the times. Manager's licenses are out, crazy gymnastic flips are in. Pulling himself up, O'Hara turns and looks suspiciously at Faqu. He's not afraid to mouth off to the big Samoan as he begins to pull his opponent to his feet. But his divided attentions cost him, as Blonde suddenly charges The Birmingham Bad Boy backwards, driving his spine into the ring apron! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Backing up, Blonde waits for Jamie to step forward before driving him backwards into the ring apron a second time. SCHIAVONE Blonde, buying himself some time here after that dive he absorbed. Blonde rolls O'Hara in at six to break the count. With that dealt with, Blonde takes a moment to turn and hurl abuse at the ringside fans before climbing back to the apron and waiting on O'Hara to get up. O'Hara slowly gets to his feet, turning towards Blonde who latches onto his head, bringing his throat down across the top ring cable. The 5'9 Brit is propelled off his feet from the momentum of the move and lands with a thud. Blonde stops for a second to get himself together before then entering the ring, waiting for Jamie to get back up. He gives the immortal signal that it's OVAH~! and the crowd quickly rally behind O'Hara to recover. SCHIAVONE The Canadian with those hands twitching, he's stalking O'Hara, looking for the Illegally Blonde here it looks like. As the shaken O'Hara pushes back onto his feet, it's the signal for Blonde to make his move. He grabs the arm and tries to sink in the cobra clutch immediately... ...NO! O'Hara rolls out behind, leaping onto Blonde's shoulders and taking him over with a quick victory roll... 1... 2... 3!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" VENTURA Woah! SCHIAVONE He got him, out of nowhere! As Blonde sits up with his eyes bugging and two fingers brandished at the referee, O'Hara turns to the crowd and nods his head, as if to say he knew he'd win all along. He wouldn't feel quite so smart though if he realised NATHANIEL BLACK had just rolled into the ring and was measuring him for a LARIAT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SCHIAVONE What the hell is this now!? VENTURA It's a bonus! Be grateful Schiavone. Black jumps up and puts the boots to O'Hara, quickly joined by Blonde who is still fuming over the defeat. The duo stomp away on O'Hara as Faqu enters the ring too, scaring off referee Mickey Jay. Calling off the attack, Black drags O'Hara off the canvas to club him with a European Uppercut! And another! Noticing a fourth man in the ring, Black then throws O'Hara away... *WHAM!* ...into a BRUTAL Samoan Drop from Faqu!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA That's three hundred plus pounds right there coming down on your chest, an easy way to collapse a lung or two! SCHIAVONE Jesse, this is ridiculous! This is three on one, there's no need for this! As Faqu pulls himself back up, Black walks over to the fallen Birmingham Bad Boy. Standing over him, the badmouth is put on O'Hara by the thick accented Cockney... before a hard *SLAP!* puts an exclamation point on the message. Black then raises his arms in the air, as Blonde continues to insist he got a shoulder up on two to anyone who'll listen. * SWOOSH * Back to live HD and Nathaniel Black nods as the footage ends. MAGGIE (clearly distracted) So... uh... have you ever met Simon Cowell? BLACK (ignoring Maggie) I told you all at Syndicated, I was gonna kick some arse and take some names for the way this bloody company treated me like a steamin' pile of dog crap when I was here first time. Jamie O'Hara, of all the tossers in this locker room, you're the one I 'ate the most. So, it starts with you, 'mate'. Yeh, you may be not be a Yank. You may be 'British', but you sure as heck ain't a British wrestler! I warned ya in WDW, my mission in the US was to prove British wrestling is the best wrestling. That Britain is the best, period. And so long as glorified circus acts like you are walkin' 'round representin' England, I'm wastin' my pissing time. I'm 'ere to set an example. And if it's through you, all the better. MAGGIE Nathaniel, that was bitching. Thanks. Scowling, Nathaniel marches off, leaving Maggie free to scuttle back over to where Leon Rodez continues to stand by. MAGGIE Okay, so, where were we? LEON Oh. Sorry for interrupting by the way. MAGGIE No problem. That guy stunk of lager for some reason. LEON Fantastic. So, anyway, you know the past few months have been really rough for me and I haven't been myself. Infact, I'm not sure I've been myself since you've been in the OAOAST. And, you know, Jade's finally seen the light, thank God, so... I'm finally in a good place again. And it occured to me the other day that the past few weeks, you've been trying to interview me and I was giving you a little short-shrift. MAGGIE Oh, well, totally understandable... LEON No. Look, that's not me, you know. To be that way to someone who's just trying to do their job. Let's face it, when I go to the bank or I'm trying to order at the Diary Queen, there's some people who aren't so great at what they do but I'm pleasant and courteous to them. And yeah, I'm not a huge fan of DMV workers or the IRS. But they're doing their job. Besides, technically, we're colleagues. You know about The Love Shack, right? Oh, who am I kidding, how could you not! It's award winning you know. MAGGIE I think I saw one where you made fun of Marv and Mel. Awkward moment!! MAGGIE It's okay though, I do it all the time. They're total dorks! Phew! LEON Oh, totally! (forced laugh) Listen, the point is, I know what it's like trying to do your job. I'm part of the interview personality community and as part of that community, I should have went the extra mile to show solidarity with you, my bretheren. And for not doing that, I apologise. So, to make it up to you, I was thinking... maybe, dinner? After the show? You know, a little get together with the interviewers kinda thing? JOSH MATTHEWS (off-screen) Ooh, I'll come! LEON Sorry Josh, you're more of an 'orally based journalist' than an interviewer buddy! Maybe some over time. (to Maggie) So, that sound good? Maggie takes a second to think about it before shrugging. MAGGIE Sure, why not. LEON Great! See you real soon. As Maggie walks off, curling a finger through her hair with a big smile on her face, Leon stays ice cool leaning up against the wall. LEON And that's why guys without a match come to every show. ..... That and the fines. JOSH MATTHEWS (off-screen) Were you talking to me? LEON No Josh, just thinking aloud! Send your mom my love when you see her next, hey? Ooohhhh, #Wake up Maggie I think I got somethin' to say to you!# Leon struts away as we go back to wherever Patty damn well wants! Patty wants ad revenue! Or imaginary ad revenue. COMMERCIAL BREAK

Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! MAGGIE What's on and popping, Maggie Nerdly here hanging out with the OAOAST's answer to Maggie Thatcher herself, Nathaniel Black. What's the deal lime sauce? Black, who has been standing with a smug grin on his face, looks at Maggie in confusion. BLACK Are you on drugs, lass? MAGGIE What makes you say that? BLACK Well, you're young. You're a blone Yank airhead. Lohan. Spears. Ringin' any bells? MAGGIE Nooo, never! My mommy loved me. You know what they say, Hugs Not Drugs. Plus, I'm Canadian. So, anyway, down to business, we've got some footage to show the good people of TV land from our weekend show. I think it's called Syndicated, or OAOAST Pro, or Wrestling Superheroes... I dunno, nobody seems to be sure. But anyway, it's footage involving you. We're gonna see Jamie O'Hara wrestling that my fellow Canadian crumpet Mister James Blonde, from last Saturday night on the 'Road To AngleSlam special'. And... *ahem!* MAGGIE ...uh, and you make a little cameo appearance along the way, which... *AHEM!* MAGGIE ...you're not a ventriloquist, are ya? BLACK No. MAGGIE In that case... Maggie looks around for the source of the throat clearing. Nothing to the left, but to the right stands LEON RODEZ, waving coyly. Pointing to herself to check if it's she he's trying to get the attention off, Maggie gives him a quick thumbs-up and turns to the camera as if nothing happened. MAGGIE Okay, roll footage!

hm...

so, obviously the show isn't going up today. So what I'm wondering, with no AS mainevent, would you rather hold off HD until that's finished (maybe even put it on HD instead of on AS) or say fuck it and go ahead with the show tomorrow?

From Madison Square Garden. Send everything to Tony149, but I doubt that since all the active writers are OAOAST Mods!

I was just about to ask if you if you all wanted the show posted on Friday. If so it'll probably be up around early afternoon pacific time, which would be evening on the east and god only knows when in England. god damn, nigga, you doin them reckless, westside treetop almighty piru style. KILLA.

that cwm thing was fi-yah!

Yeah, go ahead and write it, I don't care.

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! The crowd erupt...a very manly eruption, kind of like the noise you'd expect to here at a mud wrestling event. If such a thing exists. If so, send details. Meanwhile, the thumping theme "Voodoo Child" by the Rogue Traders brings the crowd to their feet as through the entrance doors emerge Megan Skye and...well, Megan Skye. Looking rather odd on her own, Megan walks her leather clad legs through the arch that leads to the aisle and towards the ring, with the Boston natives giving her a mixed reaction. BUFFER Introducing first...the challenger! From Pawtucket, Rhode Island, she weighs in at a demure one hundred and ten pounds. "THE PERFECT 10"... MMMMEEEGGAAAAAANN SSKKYYYYYYYEEEEEEE!!! COLE No Maddix. That's kinda odd. COACH Well not really Mikey. The World Champion's got a lot on his mind. So, as much as I'm sure Landon Maddix would want to be out here for moral support, he has an important match to focus on. COLE Well, it's just as well he's not! You can't give moral support if you don't have morals. Reaching the ring, Megan slowly climbs up the steps and enters the ring. Already some scattered "Megan" chants can be heard in the background as the determined looking challenger backs into the corner and goes through a few basic warm ups. As she does, deep, slow voiced man yells out, "LIGHTNING CREW!" alerting the crowd on who is coming out next. A deep, slow voiced man yells out, "LIGHTNING CREW!" alerting the crowd on who is coming out next. The crowd stands up and boos as the lights go down in the arena and the opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts playing. Smoke fills the entryway, and then a lightning bolt hits the entrance. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing over the P.A. system. Pink spotlights converge around the arena. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez comes out to a mixed reaction. She smirks at the crowd, before walking to the ring with an evil smile on her face as strobe lights appear on the entrance set. BUFFER And her opponent. Hailing from San Juan, Puerto Rico by way of Toronto, Ontario, Canada! She weighs in at one hundred, twenty pounds. The reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion of the WWOOOORRRLLDD... She is "THE QUEEN OF THE LIGHTNING CREW"... LLLIIIINNDDSSSSSAAAAAAAYYYY GGOOOOOONNZZAAAAAAAAALLEEEEEZZZZZ!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lindsay stops in midwalk and poses for her 'fans', who haven't exactly come out in force in Boston, judging from the boos that fill the air. Regardless, Lindsay walks on down the aisle with the look of royalty in her swagger. Watching on from the ring, Megan is literally seething as the Women's Champ reaches the ring and quickly removes title, placing it safely underneath the turnbuckles. Megan continues to glare down on the champion as she walks up the steps, demanding that Megan be moved back. COLE So, no seconds out here tonight. Which means, these two women have to go on their own devices here in this one. There'll be no advice from the Maddixes and the PRL out here. COACH Yes. But let's face facts... PRL is Lindsay's strategist, BUT... Megan is Landon's strategist. So you tell me, who's going to have more problems?" COLE Well... in theory, Lindsay will. COACH Exactamundo! As Megan is pushed back by senior referee Earl Hebner, Lindsay slowly enters the ring and looks across the ring at her opposition. And slowly, a smile creeps across her face. No smiling from Megan though, as she is still casting looks at Lindsay that could kill most small animals. Meanwhile, Hebner is trying to check the competitors for weapons...Megan allows him to, but Lindsay assuses Hebner of all sorts as he walks over to her with his hands out-stretched. COLE Now, what has Lindsay got to hide. COACH Her modesty? Her purity? Her... COLE Lemme guess, her virginity? COACH What!?! Hebner's looking for weapons. He's not going to fuck her Comet. COLE ... *DING DING DING!* The match is underway and quick as a flash, Megan charges out of her corner and catches the wandering champion unprepared, taking her to the mat with a spear takedown before clawing and grabbing at Lindsay's face and hair! And Lindsay responds in kind, meaning we've got a good ol' fashioned cat-fight on our hands! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" First to break her face re-arranging grip is Skye, pulling away from Lindsay and slapping her across the face with a right...and a left, then a right...and a left, before another right. Lindsay is in trouble, so reaches up and pushes Megan off of her, allowing herself time to get up. As she does, Megan gets back to her feet too and slaps Lindsay again, this time sending The Latina Bitch stumbling backwards into the ropes. The ropes rebound her away, into the arms of Megan and a quick scoop slam. Pain washes through Lindsay's body and she quickly rolls out of the ring, while Megan looks to follow out... only to be stopped by referee Hebner. COLE Well, you'd expect most full-time wrestlers to shake off a bodyslam like that, but Lindsay is hardly a full-time competitor. Champion or not. COACH Par for the course in this company. COLE True dat. It's clear that Lindsay is in some discomfort, looking for more time to recover on the floor. Time she isn't going to get, as Megan Skye has slipped away from Hebner and is stalking after Lindsay on the floor. Lindsay quickly rolls back in, with Megan hot on her heels. Back up, Lindsay goes for a kick but Megan catches it and sweeps Lindsay's standing leg from under her. Lindsay bounces off the mat, while Megan hooks up both of Lindsay's legs and falls slowly backwards, slingshotting her forwards and into the ropes. With her head dropping across the top, Lindsay staggers away holding her throat as Megan sidesteps her to get in front... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...to deliver a knifedge chop! Lindsay stumbles backwards... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOO!" ...and takes another, taking her off her feet and causing the Women's Champion to fall into the ropes. And the way she falls causes her arms to get tied up! COACH This could get ugly. Or really beautiful. Oh, how I hope it gets beautiful... Referee Hebner tries to keep Megan at bay, but this fiesty female wants to get her hands on Lindsay and brushes Hebner away. Moving in on Lindsay, Megan blocks an attempted kick by the helpless Women's Champion, pushing the foot away and landing a stiff forearm! Shock fills Lindsay's face, as Megan nails a second forearm! And a third! The crowd are going wild, as suddenly Hebner ducks in between the two woman and pulls Megan away forcefully, much to Boston's displeasure. In the time that takes, Lindsay has leant back and unhooked herself from the ropes. But Lindsay is still dis-orientated, wide open for a clothesline from Megan! Down goes Lindsay, getting right back up into a second clothesline. Megan is feeling in control now and moves in on Lindsay, not waiting for her to get back up before grabbing a handful of hair and woman-handling the Champ into the corner. Desperately Lindsay starts to claw forward at Megan, who avoids the sharpened fingernails of Gonzalez, ducking in and driving a shoulder into the gut. And again! COLE Look at this from Megan Skye, driving the shoulder into the midsection of Lindsay...softening her up here. So far, Megan has being doing a good job of controlling the early stages! With Lindsay weakened in the corner, Megan stands back up and delivers an humiliating slap to the face while screaming some obscenities at the champion which again pop the crowd. Before Megan pops Lindsay, with a right hand. So desperatly Lindsay swings out with a slap of her own, which Megan counters with a surprisingly smooth armdrag. Lindsay rolls through and back up, into another armdrag which dizzies the champion and leaves her stumbling around the ring. Meanwhile, Megan has found a skip in her step and dances her way over to Lindsay who is too dis-orientated to defend herself... *SMACK!* ...from a STINGING straight kick into the ribs! The force drops Lindsay into a seated position, leaving her clutching her ribs and gasping for breath with eyes wide as saucers. Meanwhile, Megan keeps on moving, jigging behind Lindsay and lashing her across the shoulder blades with another kick! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What scintilatting kicks from the challenger! COACH Okay... since when did managers learn how to do this? The force of the second kick leaves Lindsay flat on her back, breathing heavily already as the punishment she has taken begins to set in. Across to the corner walks Megan, running out from there and dropping a big elbow on the Women's Champion... but she doesn't make a pin. COLE These two women were thrown into this match by their warring spouses. And it certainly seems like Megan is the happier of the two about that. COACH Of course she is! She's got nothing to lose, Lindsay's got the Women's Title on the line with no preperation time! COLE She's had since AngleMania to prepare. It's clear who's side the fans are on, as Megan walks back over to Lindsay and grabs two handfuls of her jet black hair, pulling her up by the roots. Lindsay is hardly able to stand, as a clubbing forearm strikes her just under the throat and drops her back to the canvas. Looking at her hands, Megan smiles as she sees strands of the champ's hair tangled around her fingers, souvenirs of a job well done so far. Quickly she pulls the hair away from her hands, only to then grab another two handfuls of Lindsay's flowing locks and whip her across the ring with a beil by the hair! This time, Lindsay is left screaming in agony, as we can see considerably more of her hair left on Megan's hands this time. COACH This isn't beautiful! This isn't right...a Queen shouldn't be treated this way! COLE If this keeps up, that Queen may be bald by the end of the night. COACH Don't say THAT! Wailing away, Lindsay holds her head in pain... while Megan walks back over and drives a knee up into her jaw, snapping Lindsay's head back and causing her to fall into a seated position in the corner. Back steps Megan, before diving in a dropkicking Lindsay right in the jaw! Again the head of The Queen Of The Lightning Crew snaps back, but this time she does the smart thing and bails out of the ring with her tail between her legs. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Boston crowd boo what they percieve as cowardice on Lindsay's part, but she could care less as she wanders aimlessly around ringside. The bad news is, Megan Skye has followed right out after her though and is slowly stalking Lindsay with a near-crazed look in her eyes as she grabs two more thick handfuls of black hair. Screaming, Lindsay reaches out for some help. But there's none coming, as Megan wheels the champion around and throws her facefirst into the ring apron. Lindsay's head bounces off the apron and she collapses to the thinly padded floor with a thud. In control, Megan smiles out to some of the fans who are cheering her on as Lindsay pulls herself slowly back up again. COACH See, this is what happens when you throw two chicks together, let 'em call each other names, sharpen up the claws. Bitches be trippin' Cole. For real, bitches worldwide. This is just an average Saturday night at the club for Da Coach, except instead of being the grand prize I'm on the sidelines. And from here, it ain't so hot as it is in the middle of it all. With Lindsay up, Megan grabs her opponent by the hair again, setting her up and irish whipping her into the guardrail, which is met by approval from the fans! Some of the front rowers slap Lindsay on the back, which makes her desperate to get away from the railings and the unwashed public... but instead, she falls into the (presumably washed) Megan Skye and a quick jab. A second jab is followed quickly with a hard kick to the ribs once more, until Lindsay has had enough and seeks the respite of the ring. Megan follows her in and quickly pulls the champ up, whipping her off the ropes and catching coming back with a clothesline that knocks Lindsay off of her feet. Megan isn't ready to go for the pin yet though, instead grabbing Lindsay and pulling her up again. A quick scoop and a slam follows, leaving Lindsay floundering on the canvas again. COLE Has Lindsay had any offence in this match yet? COACH Of COURSE she has! She's the Champ! She's the most dominant Women's Champion this federation has ever had, Mikey! You'd do well not to downplay her skills!" COLE When Lindsay does something to impress me, I will acknowledge it. So far, I'll admit...she falls over like a real pro. COACH Oh, SHUT UP! Pulling Lindsay up again, Megan takes her time about bringing Lindsay up to her feet... before reeling back and slapping her back down, to a roar from the crowd! This time, Lindsay is quick to get up of her own accord, but Megan catches her with a boot into the ribs. A hard kick into the kidneys follows, before Megan pulls Lindsay up and pushes her back into the corner. Lindsay slumps into the buckles, unable to block a clothesline from Megan... or another deep kick into the ribs from the part-time kickboxing enthusiast. The Champion is in serious trouble as she staggers out of the corner, with Megan grabbing her by the hair and hurling Lindsay backwards into the buckles. Lindsay flies into the corner with velocity and falls into a seated position again, but is quickly pulled back up by Megan and placed in a side headlock. Desperately Lindsay pushes Megan forwards, but Megan hangs onto the hair, which Hebner misses, pulling Lindsay right back into the side headlock and quickly down with a bulldog! COLE Another big move by Megan, who's really impressing here. But she's still yet to go for a cover. COACH That's because she's a vindictive little trollop, who wants to pick poor Lindsay apart rather than simply taking her title! COLE You were her biggest fan five minutes ago. COACH I know! I hate this, it's Sophie's Choice and I want them both! Lindsay is down on the canvas and it seems the end is near, as Megan slowly peels The Latina Bitch off the mat and grabs her by the wrist. After a quick push back, Megan yanks Lindsay back into a short-arm clothesline, diving to the mat with Lindsay on impact and finally making the first pinfall of the match... 1... 2... KICKOUT! As Lindsay stares blankly into space after her kickout, Megan grabs another two handfuls of hair and pulls her to her knees before lashing her across the chest with another stinging kick. Gasping, Lindsay reaches forward and grabs Megan by the pants, pulling her forwards... ...but Megan gets her hands up to block a throat-first collission with the middle rope. Lindsay pulls herself back up gallantly, blissfully unaware that Megan is stalking behind her again. Until a kick lashes across Lindsay's kidney area, dropping the champion to her knees in an instant. Again Megan is right on the attack, cupping a hand under Lindsay's chin while she fires away with a series of punches directly across the cheek and jaw area of her opponent. Each shot rocks Lindsay, until the last connects and Gonzalez flops face first to the canvas. COLE Megan Skye, dominating! COACH With fists. Whoopee. She's hardly Jumping Bomb Angel material. At this point, we split-screen backstage to where LANDON MADDIX is watching this on a monitor in his dressing room. The World Champion looks the picture of smugness, lounged back in his chair and absent-mindedly caressing his title belt. Live action meanwhile, Megan steps over Lindsay and pulls her to her feet, by the hair again which gets a reprimand from Hebner, before whipping Lindsay into the ropes. As Lindsay rebounds off the ropes, Megan ducks her head... about a week too early, allowing Lindsay to dive forward and drive a double axehandle across the shoulder blades of the challenger. Megan falls to the mat, while Lindsay lands up on her knees, where she takes the chance to catch a breather. COLE And there, finally, is some offense by Gonzalez. With her breath regained, Lindsay turns Megan onto her shoulders and makes a desperate cover... 1... 2... No. Sure enough, Lindsay has had more than enough of her challenger's dominance and reaches down, clawing into Megan's face with her long fingernails and getting a good couple of handfulls of flesh before racking her hands away. Megan grabs her scratched and clawed at face, while Lindsay reaches down and grates away again... this time going to the eyes. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Squealing away, Megan clutches at her eyes while Hebner reprimands Lindsay, who groggily pushes him away before pulling Megan back up. COACH Now we're going to see how a real woman wrestles! With Megan temporarily blinded, Lindsay takes the opportunity to drive his knee into her gut before whipping the challenger across the ring. Megan hits the turnbuckles, stumbling back out and into a powerslam from Lindsay. Quickly, Lindsay is down to make the cover... 1... 2... No! Lindsay's managerial instincts instantly kick in, with the urge to slag off the referee for a slow count proving too much to resist. Megan is already struggling to her feet in the corner. Quickly Lindsay walks in and nails Megan with a primitive looking slap, before placing a foot underneath Megan's chin and showing great flexibility in choking Megan in the corner! Flexibility that even some of the crowd have to show respect for. COACH Oh PRL, wherever you are, I wish I was you. More-so than usual. Oh, my! Releasing the choke on the referee's count of four, Lindsay bows out to the crowd and thanks them for the mainly non-existant applause... and those that did exist quickly peeter out, leaving only boos. Lindsay shrugs them off, turning back to Megan and slapping her across the face. And again, this time with a backhand! Megan swings out with a kick though, which catches Lindsay directly in the hamstring. Only for Lindsay to fire back with an eye gauge, again temporarily blinding Megan and leaving her open to be wheeled around and thrown face-first into the top turnbuckle. "LIND- SAY SUCKS!" "LIND- SAY SUCKS!" "LIND- SAY SUCKS!" Back staggers Megan, as Lindsay grabs a hold of her flowing blonde locks and headbutts her in the back of the head... ...which has an affect on both women, with Megan collapsing into the turnbuckles face-first and Lindsay stumbling backwards groggily, arms flapping away to keep herself upright. COLE That wasn't well advised on the Champion's part. The Champion recovers first though, grabbing Megan and spinning her around into a foot to the gut. Megan doubles over, getting caught in a front facelock... but before she can execute a DDT, Megan's (albeit basic) training pays dividends as she finds the escape to spin behind Lindsay with a hammerlock on. Wearily Lindsay fires back with an elbow, ducked by Megan who is in perfect position for a northern lights suplex. But she hesitates and allows Lindsay to fall back and drop Megan with the DDT. COACH See! That's what you get for doubting Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! With Megan's head bouncing off of the canvas, Lindsay sees her chance and hooks an arm under Megan's head, using her legs to cradle the challenger over into a pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE You do get the feeling here that Gonzalez wants this match over with as quickly as possible. Considering it was her man PRL who suggested this match, it's almost ironic. COACH You know what else is ironic? Woman's Lib. COLE I see. Send all complaints directly to the OAOAST folks. Lindsay glares down at Megan, cursing that she was able to kick out. Angrily she takes out her frustrations out on Megan Skye's face, leading with her fingernails like she was Vega out of Street Fighter and scratching down the challenger's face! The screeching eminating from Megan Skye makes the scene look shocking similiar to someone scratching their nails down a blackboard. And just to complete the disturbing scene, the scratches she gives Megan are clearly permanent... leaving Megan with four red, bleeding marks on the side of her cheek! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Ugh, that is disgusting. That's verging on the realm of savagery Robert! COACH God I hope my TiVO is catching this... COLE COACH! COACH Huh? As the four deep scratches on her face begin to ooze with blood, Megan clutches the side of her cheek and is rather alarmed to see a considerable amount of blood on her hand as she pulls it away. Meanwhile, Lindsay is lining up the challenger, waiting for her to get up. And when she does, Gonzalez shows her own kicking ability with a Crescent Kick! Quickly, Lindsay drops down and makes the pin... 1... 2... NO! "LET'S GO MEG - AN!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO MEG - AN!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO MEG - AN!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Sneering at the chants, Lindsay reaches down and grabs Megan by the hair, pulling her up from the canvas as Hebner has all but given up on reprimanding anyone for hair-pulls by now. Lindsay throws Megan towards the ropes and runs off the opposite set, coming back and connecting with a clothesline. Megan hits the mat again, still concerned with her bleeding face, while Lindsay stops and poses for the fans which earns her some more boos. Split-screen again, this time it's THA PUERTO RICAN. PRL is like a boxing trainer, shouting instructions and compliments and basically providing his own commentary to the match. It's worth noting he looks to have been sweating buckets not so long ago. Meanwhile, pulling Megan back off of the canvas, Lindsay smiles broadly as she looks at the damage she's done to Megan's looks while delivering a knee to the gut. Another connects and a second, leaving Megan gasping for air, while Lindsay pulls her head back by the hair and starts to smear the blood on Megan's cheek all over her face!!! COACH That's guaranteed to ruin your make-up Cole. COLE Self-proclaimed or not, Lindsay certainly is a bitch. With her face now smeared with red streaks, Megan looks a total mess as Lindsay winds up and looks to slap the sense out of the challenger... ...but Megan finds enough awareness to duck the slap, catching Lindsay on the way around and hitting her with a big-time atomic drop! Lindsay grabs the base of her spine, wobbling uneasily on her feet as Megan spins her back around and nails a vicious slap of her own, spinning Lindsay in a 360 to the mat. But again, the scratches on her cheek are bothering Megan and she starts to attend to her face. As she does, Megan turns in the direction of the big screen set up above the stage...and finally, for the first time, she notices the blood wiped across her face and looks horrified. Then unhappy. And then... ...just plain pissed off. "YOU... BIIIIITCH!!!" COACH Uh-oh. Letting out a dramatic war-cry, Megan turns around to Lindsay with her fists and teeth clenched... damn near shaking with anger as Lindsay has gotten back to her knees and asks for a time-out. But she gets nothing of the sort, recieving a kick to the face instead! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Down goes Lindsay, but quickly Megan grabs her by the hair and literally hauls the Women's Champion back up to her feet before pushing her back into one corner of the ring and unleashing an furious flurry of stiff kicks to the ribs and breadbasket! COLE Look at Megan go!! COACH Bitches be trippin' Comet, bitches be trippin'! I warned ya'll! As the last kick connects, Megan roars in intensity and turns away from the corner, while Lindsay simply slumps into a seated position in the corner, thankful for any chance of a break at this point. Quickly Megan turns back around though, hauling Lindsay back up to her feet again and slapping Lindsay with such force that she spins around and falls across the middle rope. Quickly, Megan moves in and ruthlessly starts to choke the champ! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Megan breaks on five only to go right back to the choke again for another five count. Lindsay has the look of shock etched back on her face again, shocked at the sudden ass-kicking she's getting again and the pain she must be in. Pulling Gonzalez off of the rope, Megan pulls her around and irish whips her across the ring. Lindsay has just about enough left to hook the top rope however, stopping her momentum and forcing Megan to bring the fight to her. But as she charges in, Lindsay raises a foot and catches Megan square in the jaw. Megan's legs collapse under her and she falls to her ass, but is quickly back up... only to take a straight kick to the gut. Lindsay then grabs some more of Megan's hair and suddenly sits out, driving Megan face-first into the mat with an X-Factor and quickly rolling her over for the pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Kickout by Megan, and look at the shock on the Champion's face! Once again, the managerial instincts of Lindsay take over as she's right on referee Hebner's case, complaining that if he needs help counting to three he shouldn't be in the damn ring. Hebner brushes off the insults though (after all, he's a referee...he's used to them), while Lindsay starts to pull Megan up from the canvas. However, all of a sudden, Megan dives forwards and plants a headbutt deep into the breadbasket of the Champ! With both women down, we split-screen to PRL's dressing room... ...to find him gone. COLE Uh... okay, that doesn't bode well. COACH Relax, he's probably just in the cra... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH Okay, nevermind Sure enough, those boos are for THA PUERTO RICAN on his way to the ring! And moments later, PRL stopping in shock as LANDON MADDIX runs right past him! COLE Wait a minute... BOTH of them!? COACH See, they're so on the same page, if only they could patch things up and be best friends. The world would be a better place. The OAOAST world that is. Realising they've launched simultaneous run-ins, Landon and PRL forget all about what they were actually doing and turn towards each other, berating each other for not trusting their girlfriends to fight for themselves. Which is the perfect excuse for ZACK MALIBU to storm out and nonchalantly knock the two on their asses with a double clothesline!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH IT'S BREAKIN' DOWN IN BOSTON!! With the crowd roaring, Zack puts the boots to PRL and Landon indiscriminately in the aisleway. Leaving Megan and Lindsay both watching on from the ring, having forgotten all about their match. For a moment that is, until Lindsay suddenly sneaks behind Megan and schoolgir... NO, Megan switches, schoolgirling Lindsay... 1... 2... NO, KICKOUT!! Both women rush to their feet and Megan connects with a quick kick. The challenger then backs into a corner and goes to the middle rope, ready to deliver the Skye Lyte. In the aisleway though, the numbers have inevitably caught up with The Franchise and Landon has taken over on the offence, leaving PRL free to run to the ring and provide the distraction. Megan falls for it and jumps off the ropes to grab PRL as he climbs to the apron... ...only to get pulled down by Landon and subjected to a flurry of forearm shots! Megan looks bemused for a second but with her man in control, she backs away... ...into a side headlock from Lindsay, the Women's Champion kicking off the ropes and PLANTING Megan face-first with the LATINA BITCH JAM!!! COACH Got it! Lindsay rolls Megan over and makes a hurried hook of the leg, urging the ref to hurry up and count as Landon now tries to dodge past the blocking PRL... 1... 2... ...but he won't make it in time... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* Landon gets to the pinfall seconds too late, shoving Lindsay off of his lady anyway before cursing to himself. Which allows PRL to sneak up behind and strike him in the back of the head with his $500 shoe!! COLE The match is over but the battle is just beginning for the AngleSlam main-eventers!! PRL lands with some shaky leg kicks on Landon, briefly glancing at Megan who lays beside him but deciding not to be THAT much of a jerk. Not tonight at least. As PRL continues to layeth that smacketh down though, here comes the third man, Zack Malibu! Even the erupting Boston crowd doesn't alert PRL, as he gets spun around and peppered with a series of right hands from The Franchise!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Still shaking from the kicks, Landon decides 'to hell with this' and bails, dragging a still only semi-conscious Megan with him. The SWF Power Couple escape the ring and head up the aisle, Megan being propped up by Landon as he watches happily the battle continue in the ring. Zack loads up PRL for an irish whip, sending him airborne with a BAAAAAACK bodydrop on the rebound! COACH Come on, get some officials around here, ring the bell a couple-dozen times, DO SOMETHING! COLE AngleSlam has come early and we might be about to see another PPV early in a second... Setting, Zack encourages PRL to his feet. The Corporate Champion pulls himself to his feet, stopping to dust off his obsenely expensive shirt before turning around into... COLE SCHOOL'S OUT... NOO!! PRL sees it coming and dives backwards, rolling himself out of the ring and to safety!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Zack is still hot and he points the finger at Landon, mouthing the words "This Sunday" to him as he continues to retreat towards the back. Collecting the victorious Lindsay, PRL also sends a message to Landon by pointing out "my baby's still the Champ!" And Landon watches on, trying to keep a confident look on his face. COLE Man oh man, AngleSlam just got a whole lot hotter! Don't miss it, three days away, call your local cable company and we'll see you from THE GARDEN~!! FADE OUT.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Weeks later and Party Like a Rockstar is still the worst song of the year. But its like I told KC, that song comes on at the club and them white girls just be throwing shit the fuck up. So for that, I'd like to thank the shop boys, and all southern rappers for understanding what's truly important in this life. Not even being sarcastic. Those girls don't want dance to Cam raping about fucking his aunt when he was 14, or Kanye talkin about some little kids getting they're armed chopped off for a diamond. These girls wanna party like a rockstar and for that Patty O'Green is eternally grateful. FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! We skip right to the announce team who are surrounded by inebriated Bostonians. COACH Tonight's show sucks mad dick. COLE He's kidding of course. Folks, welcome to the only show where you'll find lesbian celebrity chefs, stripping doctors, gay luchadores dressed as the devil, and ex-bodybuilders turned environmentalists under one roof. However, that one roof isn't this roof, because none of those people are here tonight! But who is here is Team Heyross looking to get back into the tag title hunt. Reject is in action as well, gearing up for his battle with Alfdogg at Angleslam. We'll also hear from The Heavenly Rockers as well as The Sk8r Boiz, and I know Zack has something to say as well.... The opening bass riff of "Getting Away With Murder" starts playing. The crowd EXPLODES loudly as HeldDOWN~! gets started with the Franchise of the OAOAST! COLE What a way to start HeldDOWN~! With the Franchise of the OAOAST! I just said that. COLE Sorry. As "Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach continues playing, the entrance doors slide open, and Zack Malibu himself comes out. The crowd manages to get even LOUDER. A shower of golden pyro appears above Malibu, but Malibu steps through it and puts his hands on his hips, soaking in the response. White pyro shoots off both sides of the entrance ramp, and then Zack begins walking to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! COLE We are just three days away from the biggest main event in AngleSlam history, and THAT man right there, is an integral part of that match! Zack Malibu will be going for his FOURTH OAOAST World Heavyweight Title this Sunday, taking on the current champion, Landon Maddix, AND "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! COACH But Zack has alot against him on Sunday! He's got TWO men gunning for him. Not to mention the "AngleSlam Curse"! COLE What!? Oh come on, Coach. That's ridiculous! There's no such thing as curses! COACH Well Zack has never won at AngleSlam, so he has history against him too! COLE Well, I'm sure Zack is hoping to make history this Sunday, winning his fourth OAOAST World Title, the first man to ever win the title four times! Zack high fives some fans at ringside, and then climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring. Malibu raises his hands in the air to acknowledge the fans, and then calls for a microphone. Michael Buffer hands him a microphone as the crowd continues cheering. COLE Boston, Massachusetts happy to see Zack Malibu live here tonight! Beantown is just one of MANY cities that love Zack Malibu! And I'm sure New York City won't be any different this Sunday! COACH I guess the only thing that can unite Yankee and Red Sox fans is their love of Zack Malibu then, huh? COLE Ha! I guess you're right! Zack Malibu calls for the crowd to quiet down. "Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach dies down. "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" ZACK MALIBU We are now only 72 hours away from one of the biggest matches of my entire life! On Sunday night, I will be stepping into the ring against two of the most talented superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread to compete for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, the belt I have held three times before. And even though the odds might be against me, that won't stop me. I've had the deck stacked against me before, and guess what? PRL, Landon, I'VE COME OUT ON TOP! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE He's right. Zack Malibu is no stranger to pressure. COACH That doesn't mean he's ready for this Sunday! MALIBU Landon Maddix pulled a fast one on all of us about a month ago. But everyone ends up getting what they deserved. And this Sunday night, Landon, you will get what you deserve after I beat you and take back what's mine! And as for Tha Puerto Rican, this Sunday will be the first time me and him have ever been in the squared circle together. I'm sure he wants to win this match as badly as myself or Landon, but PRL, this Sunday night will NOT be your night! You will NOT win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title this Sunday! Oh no. This Sunday night, you AND Landon will be staring at the ceiling after I beat both of you to become Champion for a FOURTH time! The crowd cheers again. COLE Zack sounds ready. COACH Thus it'll be even sweeter when he loses this Sunday! COLE Oh will you stop? Zack paces back and forth in the ring, getting the crowd fired up. A "ZACK! ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!" chant starts up again. Zack cracks a smile before he continues speaking. ZACK Now then, I-- LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX Excuse me... excuse ME! I'm sorry, but I have had just about enough! Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix walks out from the entrance doors! He continues to march to the ring with the microphone in his hand, picking up the abuse being hurled from the crowd perfectly. MADDIX Incase all of you people have forgotten, I am the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! I am the standard bearer! I am the kingpin! The top of the food chain! Granted, I haven't been there for that long. But still long enough not to be taken for granted by everybody. You see, all I hear, from left and from right are the sob-stories and the unfulfilled dreams. Zack Malibu is going to AngleSlam to get his belt back. Tha Puerto Rican is going to AngleSlam to become champion for the first time. Now, lo and behold, Todd Cortez has jumped to the front of the queue somehow and let's not even delve into the heart-warming tabloid story of triumph over adversity being thrown around about him because quite frankly, this town is making me nauseous enough already! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" By now, Landon has entered the ring. Zack is happy to stand back, arms folded as he listens to Landon sound off. MADDIX Let me remind you once again, I am your OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Me! My belt, my story, my turn in the spotlight! And I am sick to the back teeth of my precious air-time being eaten into by wave after wave of new challengers to my belt, talking about their right to this belt. Until one of those people pins my shoulders to the canvas for a 3 count, my opinion is the only one that matters around here! ZACK Didn't Todd do that already? As the crowd let out their best three-camera sitcom 'WHOOOOOOO', Landon's head whips around towards Zack. MADDIX Did listening to Kelly Clarkson for so long rot your brain, or did you just mishear me? COACH SERVED! SO SERVED! COLE What does everybody have against her anyway? MADDIX My opinion is the only opinion that matters. In my opinion, pinning the World Heavyweight Champion in a tag team match counts for nought. In my opinion, Todd Cortez isn't in my league. And in my opinion, he's ruined any chance of glory in the OAOAST by disassociating himself with me, because last week The Urban Legend was exposed as the myth he really is! ZACK That's cute. MADDIX I thought so. ZACK You know what, you're right. You are the World Champion and the attention should be on you. So, seeing as you're out here, there's something I want to say to you, face to face, man to man, one on one. And that is... "THA PUERTO RICAN IS BETTER THAN THE TWO OF YOU COMBINED!" Now coming out from the entrance doors is "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! Dressed in his corporate suit and tie and carrying his black spray-painted briefcase with his Golden Contract inside, The Corporate Champ smiles an evil smile as he looks on at Zack and Landon, a microphone in his left hand. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Would you two jabronies PLEASE SHUT UP for a second! The millions and millions of Lightning Bolts are tired of hearing you two run your mouths! They want to hear their hero, their idol, their ROLE MODEL talk. So quit your squballing and let The Corporate Champ speak! COLE I think Tha Puerto Rican speaks alot more than Zack and Landon COMBINED! COACH SHHHH! You heard the man! Tha Puerto Rican walks down the entrance ramp as the crowd boos loudly. Zack and Maddix keep their eyes locked on The Corporate Champ the whole time. PRL This Sunday, at AngleSlam, Tha Puerto Rican is going to do what he's doing right now. And that is walk down the Corporate Ramp. Climb the Corporate Ring Steps. Enter the Corporate Ring, and then proceed to whip YOUR candy ass (points to Zack) and YOUR candy ass (points to Landon) all over Madison Square Garden! Time and time again, I have been SCREWED out of becoming World Champion, but this Sunday, THIS SUNDAY, I shall be screwed NO MORE! Because FINALLY...FINALLY...FINALLY, Tha Puerto Rican will become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd boos loudly, although there are some cheers scattered here and there. Landon and Zack continue looking on. PRL And Zack, Landon, I want to wish you two...good luck. Cuz you're gonna need it. After I put my size 10 boot right up BOTH YOUR ASSES this Sunday night! Because whether I beat Zack Malibu, or whether it is Landon Maddix that I beat, the fact of the matter is that on Sunday night, August 26, 2007, Tha Puerto Rican, The P.R. Menace, the Corporate Champ, the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, will finally, after 10 LONG years will become World Heavyweight Champion! It's been a LONG TIME COMING, but this Sunday, the wait will be over! And I know that all of you can't wait for that, right? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL Bah! I don't need you! After this Sunday, I will have the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt around my waist, and that's all I'll ever need...well, that and Lindsay! Definitely Lindsay! LANDON MADDIX Are you done? PRL Yes. Why? MADDIX Because if I had to listen to anymore of your crap, I was going to puke! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"/"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MADDIX Seriously, PRL, you're terrific on the microphone, I'll give you that much. But in the ring, dude, you can't cut it AT ALL! I mean, you can't do ANYTHING right! Your Sharpshooter is horrific! Your Rock Bottom stinks! Even your People's Elbow SUCKS! And HOW DO YOU MESS UP THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!? THA PUERTO RICAN That's the IntenseZone Elbow to you, bub, and don't you forget it! MADDIX Okay. I'm sorry. Your IntenseZone Elbow SUCKS! PRL You want to talk about sucks? You can't do anything right either! I can out wrestle you any day of the week, Maddix! And I'll prove it to you this Sunday! MADDIX Okay, seriously, can you stop talking, P.R.? Your voice is giving me a headache! P.R., I've got a question for you: did you ever go through puberty? Or are you just an overgrown 11-year-old? "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" PRL Overgrown 11-year-old? Let me tell you something you little booger! I am MORE of a man than you'll EVER be! MADDIX You sure don't sound like one! PRL I can't help what my voice sounds like! Besides, I more than make up for it in the sack! MADDIX That's not what Lindsay says. PRL YOU LITTLE-- MADDIX Calm down! Calm down! Don't go throwing a temper tantrum on me now, P.R.! Save all your energy for Sunday. Trust me, on Sunday, I'll be more than willing to kick your candy ass all over the ring! But for now-- PRL But now nothing! Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, I have your number and you know it! You are scared of Tha Puerto Rican! You are TERRIFIED of Tha Puerto Rican! You're practically peeing in your tights right now! But at AngleSlam, Landon, there's going to be nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, because Tha Puerto Rican will be cashing in his Golden Contract, and will be storming in, charging like a Bull, and beating you to win the OAOAST World Title! MADDIX Let me tell you what you can do with that Golden Contract, P.R. PRL No... MADDIX You can take that Golden Contract. PRL No... MADDIX Shine it up real nice... PRL Stop! MADDIX Turn that sumbitch sideways... PRL STOP! MADDIX AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY AS-- PRL STOP! STOP! STOP! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN! YOU WILL NOT DO THAT! NOBODY IMITATES THE ROCK EXCEPT ME!...I MEAN--J--Ju--SHUT UP LANDON! MADDIX Ha. It's SO easy pissing you off! I love it! PRL You won't love it when I lay the smackdown on your candy ass at AngleSlam! MADDIX Oh big talk! That's something new coming from you! Tell me, P.R., how many times have you won the World Heavyweight Title? Oh that's right, ZERO. PRL is not amused. MADDIX But how many times have you been in World Title matches? What is it? 6? 7? 10? 20? 50? 100? 2,000? Stop me when I'm in the right range. You've choked in EVERY SINGLE World Title Match you've ever been in! EVERY ONE. What makes you think that this Sunday will be any different? PRL I know in my heart that Sunday night in MY night! And there's nothing you or Zack can do to stop me! MADDIX I am gonna stop you this Sunday, P.R. You can't accept that, but it's the truth, Ruth! PRL STOP STEALING MY STUFF! ZACK Well, it looks like Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumbass are having a little argument, so I'm just gonna go ahead and mosey on over here! PRL You're Tweedle Dumbasser, Zack. MADDIX That doesn't even make any sense, P.R.! PRL Yes it does! MADDIX No it doesn't. PRL Yes it does. MADDIX No it doesn't! PRL YES IT DOES! MADDIX NO IT DOESN'T! PRL NO IT DOESN'T! MADDIX YES IT DOES! PRL YES! I GOT YOU! WOO-HOO! MADDIX DAMNIT! PRL does a little dance, while Zack just rolls his eyes. MADDIX Okay. Okay! Enough kiddy games! We're all men here! And as men, we fight to solve our differences! And this Sunday, it's going to be one HELL of a fight! We will bring the house down in Madison Square Garden, and I will show everyone just how much of a warrior I am! THA PUERTO RICAN A warrior? I was thinking more along the lines of what a COWARD you are! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" MADDIX A what? THA PUERTO RICAN You heard me. A coward! C-O-W-A-R-D! I think you're a coward. Zack thinks you're a coward. The crowd thinks you're a coward. Everyone thinks you're a coward, Landon! MADDIX Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I ain't no coward! I am a warrior! PRL You're a coward. MADDIX No, I'm a warrior. PRL You're a coward. MADDIX I'm a warrior! PRL Coward! MADDIX Warrior! PRL Coward! MADDIX Warrior! PRL COWARD! MADDIX WARRIOR! PRL COWARD! MADDIX WARRIOR! PRL WARRIOR! MADDIX COWARD! DAMN! PRL I WIN AGAIN! COLE Oh please! PRL Okay! Let's get serious! Before I go, I have something to say! Zack Malibu! PRL turns his attention to Zack. The crowd pays attention to this. Zack and PR are face-to-face. PRL Zack, this Sunday, I will face you in the ring for the first time ever! And any normal man would be scared of this prospect. Any normal man would be frightened because any normal man would be intimidated, any normal man would be hesitant to step into the ring against the legendary Zack Malibu. Any normal man would be scared to step into the ring to face the Franchise, the face of the OAOAST. The man, the myth, the legend, the one and only Zack Malibu! Well Zack, I'm no normal man, and I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF THAT! I don't care what you've done in the past! I don't care about your accomplishments, or about how much you mean to the OAOAST! This Sunday night, you are just another opponent to me. You are just another obstacle I will have to climb! No different from any other jabroni in the OAOAST! You don't mean a thing to me Zack! If I hurt you, so what? I don't care! Just makes it easier for me to win the World Title! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU ZACK MALIBU! And this Sunday, I will prove it! The crowd boos. Zack eyes one of his AngleSlam opponents with hate in his eyes. PRL turns his attention to Landon. PRL And as for you, Champ! You're not even worthy enough for me to remember your name. You're nothing to me either! As far as I'm concerned, you're just the guy keeping MY belt warm! Well this Sunday night, I am taking the belt with me! And there's not a damn thing you can do about it! And THAT, my friend, is the truth, Ruth! MADDIX Hey, P.R., I've got a question: do you wear your fake teeth when you go to bed, or do you keep them in a glass of water next to you? What? Tell me! I'm dying to know! PRL Oh that is it! I've had it just up to here with you, Landon! MADDIX I thought you said I wasn't good enough to remember my name! PRL You aren't! MADDIX But you just said my name! PRL I didn't, Landon! MADDIX There! You just said it again! PRL You--Son of a--GAH! YOU SUCK! MADDIX No you suck! PRL No you suck! MADDIX No you! PRL You! MADDIX You! PRL You! MADDIX You! PRL You! MADDIX You! PRL You! MADDIX You! MALIBU KNOW YOUR ROLES, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! The crowd EXPLODES! PR and Landon are shocked at Zack's use of The Rock's catchphrase, PR especially! Both men stop in their tracks and look at Zack. COLE Thank you, Zack! Now with his turn to speak, Malibu eyes both of his AngleSlam opponents, while the crowd shows their support for the popular superstar by chanting his name, delaying his speech. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Maddix isn't happy about the biased crowd reaction, and he lets the crowd know by turning to them and chastising them. Tha Puerto Rican appears equally agitated by it, but he stands back, allowing the World Champion to make an ass of himself. Maddix goes so far as to shove PRL by the shoulder and ask if he's going to put up with that, but PRL shoves him back, causing a commotion between the two. Tensions flare, but Malibu of all people is the one to break them up. MALIBU THIS...this doesn't bode well for you guys come Sunday! Look at the two of you, ready to act on impulse and throw down at a moment's notice...that's good. But think about it...irrational decisions can lead to unfortunate consequences. Think about it. You guys get into it right now, and you're just making it easier for me. Is that how you want it, Landon? Or you, PRL? A title shot in the world's most famous arena, and you want to hand it to me on a sliver platter? Go right ahead, I won't complain! You guys wanna brawl, fistfight, claw, scratch, kick each other's asses, go for it, I'll wait for you to finish. Malibu backs up, motioning for Landon and Tha Puerto Rican to continue their squabble, but neither do. MALIBU Let me tell the two of you something, right now. The three of us have nothing in common. The three of us have no ties to each other other other than one thing. That this Sunday, the three of us are going to put on the most intense battle in OAOAST history. The three of us all have one goal...to capture...or in your case, Landon, retain, THAT. Malibu points to the World Title slung over Landon's shoulder, causing the cocky champion to pat the belt and nod his head. MALIBU That's what it's all about. I don't care about either of you, I just care about THAT. That belt means everything to this company. That belt is what everyone in that locker room is striving to get at, and this Sunday, we three are going to go balls to the wall, we're going to fight to the finish, we're going to bust out whatever cliche fits the situation but the bottom line is that this Sunday we are going to WAR! You can talk all you want about the "AngleSlam Curse". You guys can map out a strategy and make it so I don't have a chance in hell of winning. You can double up on me, call out the Lightning Crew, pay off someone to jump me, have me maimed in front of the entire New York population, but you know, deep down, that it won't stop me. That I'll keep coming. I'll get up every time I'm knocked down. Those who have cast a shadow of doubt over what's going to happen in Madison Square Garden have NO IDEA what that does to me. It's my fuel. It's my energy. It's my motivation. I am NOT losing this time. I'm at my absolute best when my back is against the wall. Whether it's you, Landon, or you, PRL. Whether it's the both of you at the same time...I'm ready. I'm not going down this time. Maddix, you screwed me, and you screwed Tha Puerto Rican, just to get that belt around your waist. You're an opportunistic sonuvabitch, but you haven't proven that you deserve to have that belt yet. PRL, you've waited a long time for this. You got screwed too, but in your case maybe karma was coming back to bite you on the ass, because you've cut corners 1000 times over since the moment you debuted here. The both of you best bring your A-game. The both of you better prepare for the fight of your life. MADDIX Well, now that that's out of the way-- PRL & ZACK SHUT UP! MADDIX You both got to give your final thoughts, now it's my turn! PRL You've already spoken enough! MADDIX Someone should cut your vocal chords out of your body! PRL Don't piss me off, Landon! MADDIX Why not? Because if I do, you're gonna send your SLUT after me? PRL ALL RIGHT! PRL swings his black spray-painted briefcase at Landon, but Landon blocks it with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt! Zack, not pleased with how the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt is being used, mouths off to Landon, and he gets a shove in return! Zack shoves back! PRL shoves Landon too! Then he shoves Zack! Zack shoves PRL! The three men get into a three-way face-off in the middle of the ring as the crowd gets fired up. COLE Here we go! We could be getting AngleSlam early! COACH Fight! Fight! Fight! Suddenly, security guards slide into the ring and pull PR, Zack, and Maddix apart! The crowd boos. PRL, Zack, and Landon continue their yelling match while being held back from each other! COLE Security has come out! They're preventing anything serious from happening! COACH Why!? I wanted to see them fight! COLE I think AngleSault wants to make sure the AngleSlam main event goes as planned! COACH Awww, I want it now! COLE You can't wait 72 hours? COACH No! Security starts taking the three AngleSlam main event participants out of the ring. The crowd is still fired off, chanting, "ZACK! ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!" and some fans chanting, "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" PR continues mouthing off to Landon and Zack. Landon sneers at PRL and yells at Zack, while Zack simply eyes the two heels IN ANGER~! Security takes Landon away first. Landon makes sure to raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt while he's taken away. COLE What a wild start to HeldDOWN~! And we've still got more to come as we inch closer and closer to AngleSlam! We'll be right back right after this! Security takes PRL and Zack Malibu away at the same time. PRL mouths off to Zack as he's being taken away. Zack says something to PRL and then heads up the entrance ramp. PRL continues mouthing off to Zack even as Zack is walking up the entrance ramp. That is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK *COMMERCIAL BREAK* Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes way through the curtains...decked out in a Peyton Manning jersey, which goes over about as well as you'd expect with the New Englanders. COLE And Alfdogg obviously not trying to gain any fans heading into his WDW World title defense with Reject this Sunday at AngleSlam, as we go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 239 pounds...he is the WDW WORLD Heavyweight champion...ALFDOGG!!!!! COLE As we've stated, Alfdogg has held the WDW World title since December 26, 2004, almost 3 years... Alf grabs a mic, and is immediately showered with boos. ALF So, we're three days away from AngleSlam...three days away from the big event in NEW YORK CITY. *crowd boos* ALF You know, Boston has got to be the easiest city in the world...I mean, EVERYBODY goes through you guys for the big event, and this year, the OAOAST is no different! *crowd boos* COLE Ouch! ALF Including, of course...*points to jersey*...Peyton Manning and the Colts. *crowd boos* ALF Yeah, it's not so easy without your KICKER, is it? Without your saving grace! And I hope this OAOAST legend who's going to make an appearance tonight, didn't wrack his brain too much on these predictions...at least not as it pertains to the WDW World title, because this match is JUST as predictable as the Sawx choking away the division to the Yankees! *crowd boos* COACH THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! ALF Because Reject, this Sunday... The jobber attacks Alf from behind! COLE Well, whoever this young man is... COACH ...what is this guy thinking? Alf promptly reverses an Irish whip, and catches the jobber with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And Alf hasn't even taken his jersey off... COACH He's still got the mic in his hand, Cole! Alf bends down to the jobber. ALF What are you thinking, my friend? Your head's got to be as empty as the Boston Celtics' bench! *crowd boos* Alf goes to the top rope, still holding the mic, and delivers the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 Alf pops to his feet, and walks a lap around the ring, soaking in the boos. Alf then stops at the jobber's feet, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER, forcing an immediate tapout! *DING DING DING* COLE Well, Alf wins... Alf keeps the hold on, as the referee tries to break, then smashes the referee in the head with the mic! COACH And he's not letting go! ALF You can't stop me! I'm just like Tom Brady, I don't know WHEN to pull out! *crowd boos* COACH HA! Several officials make their way to the ring, and after a few minutes, finally get Alf to break the hold. Magnum Opus plays, as the officials wave for EMTs. COLE Well, this can't be a good sign for Reject this Sunday! EMT's arrive with a stretcher, and move the jobber out of the ring, as Alf hops out and walks down the aisle. COLE Right now, let's go to Josh! Josh Matthews stands backstage with "Disco Duck" Vinny Valentine. JOSH I'm here with Vinny Valentine, who will be in action later tonight, in his HeldDOWN~! debut! VINNY That's right, kid! You know, the Celtics may have just traded for Kevin Garnett, but you are looking at the FIRST appearance of the real Big Ticket right here on HeldDOWN~! JOSH Of course, Vinny Valentine, formerly of the WDW, which was sold a couple months ago! How did you feel when you got the news? VINNY Well, as far as I'm concerned, kid, those guys got what they deserved. You see, WDW's problem was not enough Disco Duck. JOSH What do you mean by that, exactly? VINNY You see, WDW didn't realize that Vinny Valentine is AUTOMATIC... *drum beat, accompanied by a horn* I'm SYSTEMATIC... *repeat sound* I'm HYYYYYYYYYYDRO-MATIC... *repeat sound* and as the ladies know, much like MacArthur Park, I'm frightening in the dark. But you can bet, here in the OAOAST, Disco Duck will love on forever! *crowd boos* VALENTINE Any more questions, kid? Josh shakes his head. VALENTINE Good, I've got a match to get ready for. Valentine leaves, as Josh watches. COMMERCIAL BREAK

Renagade hits, and Reject makes his way to the ring, to the boos of the crowd. COLE Reject ready for action here on HeldDOWN~! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! Reject slides into the ring, and poses on the buckles. BUFFER His opponent, from Tampa, Florida, weighing in at 235 pounds...Steve Freeman! *DING DING DING* Freeman moves in for the tieup, but Reject delivers a foot to the gut, then backs into the ropes and executes a swinging neckbreaker! COLE And Reject off to a quick start! Reject picks up Freeman, and wrings his arms, then takes him down with a spin kick! Reject then sizes up Freeman...and drops him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COACH Wow, the OAOAST spent a lot of money on opponents for these guys tonight, didn't they? Reject then goes to the top...and delivers a FROG SPLASH~! COLE Look at this! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! COLE Reject using Alf's own finisher to pick up the win here! As Reject poses in the ring, Alfdogg runs out and grabs him from behind, planting him with a German suplex! COLE Speaking of Alf, here he is! With a surprise attack on Reject! Alf stomps away at Reject, then removes his belt, and slams it into his challenger's skull as he gets to his feet! COLE Alf with the belt right to the skull of Reject! COACH I guess Alf not taking too kindly to Reject's mockery! Alf then picks up Reject, lays the belt down...and executes Reject's EULOGY~! onto it! COLE And a little payback from Alf, as Reject busted open by that beltshot! Alf then picks up his belt, as the crowd showers him with boos, and poses over Reject, as Magnum Opus plays. COLE And the crowd showing their disapproval of Alf here, not so much fans of Reject here... COACH Alf is in a BAD mood tonight! COLE And will this be the scene this Sunday at AngleSlam, when Reject challenges Alf for the WDW World title? Let's go to... HELL Or a commercial break. But is constant bombardments of crass American consumerism not a form of hell?

OAOAST HELDDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Useless shit you don't need-You'll buy it anyway, because you are one stupid motherfucker Punishment by BIOHAZARD hits, and Rick Heyross leads his team out to the ring. COLE Team Heyross set for action here on HeldDOWN~! Let's go to the ring! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, accompanied by their manager, Rick Heyross, at a total combined weight of 485 pounds...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE Team Heyross made it a long way in Battlebowl in Syndicated last month, but unfortunately came up short in the big unification match a few weeks ago! Team Heyross slides in and poses, then attacks their opponents! *DING DING DING* COACH And I think they're trying to send a message right here! Moss and Benjamin hook one opponent with one arm under each leg, and each of their heads under an arm, and deliver an overhead suplex, right over the ropes to the floor! COLE Oh, and that guy goes all the way to the floor! Moss steps out momentarily, then Benjamin quickly tags him in and ducks down behind the opponent. Moss backs into the ropes, and comes back, as Team Heyross executes the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! COLE And they're going for it early here! Benjamin goes up top, as Moss lifts the jobber on his shoulders, and executes the SUPER ROCKER DROPPER~!!! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH Lot of pissed off people tonight! Maybe a couple more guys who want to get out of Boston sooner or later! BUFFER Here are your winners...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Moss and Benjamin quickly leave the ringside area. COLE Well, Team Heyross definitely sending a message to the championship committee with that display, and they're not sticking around to celebrate! Right now, let's go to... THIS SUNDAY... In front of a black computer generated backdrop with halo over gold angel wings and the group‘s name written in blue letters above, the Heavenly Rockers. SYNTH Yo, L-Mann, the Angleslam is right around the corner. 3 days and 4 nights away! Man, we’s gonna be tearin’ up NYC. But it ain‘t gonna be all play. We gotta crack a few heads first. The Marv and Hell Mel, Mann, the Sk8ter Boiz, them crazy mutha’s actually think they stands a chance with the crown princes of the rock ‘n’ roll. You believe dat shit? Nah, son, didn’t think so. The Synthmeister can read you like a book. Don’t even need to hear the words coming out of your mouth to understand where you comin’ from. We tight, son. LOGAN Tighter than me and Holly-Wood ever were! A word to the wise Marv and Mel. Professional wrestling is a man’s world, meaning NO BOIZ ALLOWED!! Don’t let MY BITCH fool you. She ain’t got jack on the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time. Her only talent won’t be able to help you in our match Sunday night, but it will help you in church because you’re gonna need to get on your knees and pray for an act of God to defeat the Heavenly Rockers. SYNTH (giddy) And let’s not forget about the surprise! Lights out for the Sk8ter Boiz at Angleslam. HEH HEH HEH! LOGAN Anything they can do we can do an infinity times better sayeth Logan Usher Mann! SYNTH Now deal wit dat mutha[bleep]! THE HOTTEST EVENT OF THE SUMMER RETURNS... Now a curved ramp and pair of skateboards labeled “THE MARV” and “HELL MEL” make up the backdrop for our next speakers, alongside their manager Melody Nerdly and Holly-Wood, the Sk8ter Boiz. THE MARV Angleslam, the hottest event of the summer, is only days away Heavenly Rockers. The time to repent has come and gone. Now it’s time for you to pay for your sins. HOLLY Logan, you think you know…but you have no idea. This Sunday night I will be in the Sk8ter Boiz corner to witness the beating you guys have deserved for months and to be on-guard for this “surprise” you’ve claimed will rock our world. If the surprise is anything like our wedding night, Logan, well, then we’re all in for a big -- or should I say small? -- disappointment. HELL MEL You talk a big game, Heavenly Rockers, and we know you can back it up, but Holly-Wood’s prepared us for every possible scenario imaginable. There’s nothing you can throw our way that we haven’t already thought of. Sunday night you’re gonna get RAWKED~! MELODY That’s right, Heavenly Rockers. With Holly on our side, you can’t win and we can‘t lose. LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! ANGLESLAM 07 CALL YOUR LOCAL CABLE OR SATELLITE PROVIDER TO ORDER NOW! COMING UP NEXT Reject in action NEXT

Disco Duck hits, as Vinny Valentine makes his way out, to boos. COLE Time for the HeldDOWN~! debut of "Disco Duck" Vinny Valentine! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, hailing from Brooklyn, New York, and weighing in at 228 pounds..."DISCO DUCK" VVVVVVVVINNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY VVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN NE!!!!! As Valentine gets in the center of the ring and dances, the camera cuts over to Coach, who is up doing the watusi at the announce table. COLE What are you doing? Will you sit down? Cole grabs at Coach's shirt, and tries to pull him into his seat. BUFFER His opponent...from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 236 pounds...Tim Scott! *DING DING DING* The two men circle the ring, and Valentine grabs a side headlock. Scott backs him into the ropes, and shoves him across. Scott executes a leapfrog, then tries a second, but Valentine catches him, and executes an inverted atomic drop! COLE Nice counter by Vinny Valentine into the inverted atomic drop! Valentine stops to dance for a few seconds, then drags Scott into the corner and kicks away, sending him to a sitting position. He then chokes him with his foot, breaking at the referee's four-count. COLE Well, from the things I've heard, Vinny Valentine is a very profficient all-around athlete, he doesn't excel in any one department, but he knows enough brawling, wrestling and high-flying techniques! Valentine slowly picks up Scott, and hooks him, delivering a suplex! He then rolls through. COLE And Valentine could be looking to put three together right here! Valentine executes a second suplex! He then picks him up one last time, and delivers a third conescutive suplex! Valentine then chokes, breaking at the four-count. COACH Well, he's aggressive, You've got to say that for him! Valentine scoops up Scott, and delivers a slam, then goes upstairs. COLE He's going for his big legdrop, which he calls Night Fever! Valentine comes off the top, and delivers NIGHT FEVER~!!! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner..."DISCO DUCK" VVVVVVVVINNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY VVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN NE!!!!! COLE Vinny Valentine with a very impressive debut here on HeldDOWN~! Coach starts dancing again as the camera cuts to the table. COLE Don't you start again! *cut* O Canada plays, as a Canadian flag waves in the background. Suddenly, CWM walks onto the screen, drawing a HUGE pop from the Boston crowd! CWM So...the OAOAST came to me, wanting to get my predictions for AngleSlam, 2007. Well, I've been watching the buildup, and I know exactly what's going to happen this Sunday, so I'm going to give you the privilege of my predictions. OK, what's our first match? *cut to clips of the Sk8er Boiz making an entrance and delivering the Happy Ending to an opponent, followed by Logan "Usher" Mann's WICKED LEFT HOOK~! and The Heavenly Rockers delivering the Electric Melody to an opponent, then the Sk8er Boiz vs Heavenly Rockers graphic.* CWM The Sk8er Boiz vs the Heavenly Rockers...the Heavenly Rockers, the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all time. Well, you know, the Heavenly Rockers are definitely a trendsetting team, they've got all the tools it takes to get to the top, and they've proven that, former World tag team champions. Unfortunately, they're going to be run ragged by the exciting high-flyers this Sunday, I've got to stick with my countrymen, I'm going with the Sk8er Boiz. What's next? *clips of the participants in the 10-man tag, followed by the match graphic* CWM Big ten-man tag match! Don't see many of those anymore. I'm going to make this one short and sweet...I look for Leon Rodez, the COD, and D*LUX to score a big victory for all of us who are pro-hot women making out. The Enterprise...people with your views don't make it very far in my world. You're going down. *clip of Colombian Heat delivering the Colombian Necktie to an opponent, followed by the James Riggs Koppou Kick, followed by Riggs making out with Staci, followed by a clip of Heat's rap performance, closing out with the match graphic* CWM Colombian Heat, rapper extrodinare. Not my type of tunes, but it's worked well for him, he's come a long way in his time. This Riggs fellow is a very interesting character...very unique style, I like his style. In the end, though, 24/7 title on the line, this is going to be a very fast-paced match, and I haven't seen many people work that style better than the Colombian Heat...I say the champ retains his title. *cut to clips of Thunderkid delivering the Thunderbolt DDT to an opponent, followed by the Thunder Bay Throttle, followed by Strutter and TK posing with their respective belts and the match graphic* CWM The Heartland title, I love these matches! TK, you're a big, tough guy, but I can't think of anyone who's done a better job representing my country than "After Hours" Felix Strutter. After this Sunday, he WILL BE the undisputed Heartland champion. *clips of Reject hitting the Eulogy, followed by the Five-Star Alf Splash, followed by Alf and Reject having a staredown and the match graphic* CWM Alf! My good buddy. You know, Alf has held that belt for quite a long time since beating me for it, but in my personal opinion, he's facing his toughest challenge coming up this Sunday. Reject says this is his time, and I wish I could agree...but unfortunately, I know better than anyone that when Alf is faced with a big challenge, he rises to the occasion. And I don't think this Sunday will be any different. I think Alf will continue to tack some more time onto that reign, but don't worry, Reject, your time will come. *clips of Landon Maddix applying the Dragon Clutch, followed by PRL hitting the Corporate Nightmare and Zack hitting School's Out, then clips of PRL and Zack celebrating victories and Landon celebrating his World title victory, followed by the match graphic* CWM Well, I'll tell you what...I was as surprised as anyone when Landon Maddix pinned Zack and took the belt from him. We'll find out this Sunday if he's just a flash in the pan, or if he's for real...and we all know how Zack can rise to the occasion. My personal opinion...I think we see a new World champion this Sunday...but it won't be Zack. You see, Tha Puerto Rican...I think this is HIS time. He's fought hard for a long time, just like Reject, and come up short, but he's got to get over the hump sometime, and I think it happens this Sunday. So mark it down, I said it was going to happen, so it's going to happen. Thanks for coming, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a beer. CWM walks away, then the camera pans over as he leans back into view. CWM ...CANADIAN, of course. CWM walks away as O Canada plays us into the... COMMERCIAL BREAK COMING UP NEXT JAMMIN IN THE NAME OF THE LORD! Nathaniel Black Vs Denzel Spencer NEXT .:CUE: "Chelsea Dagger", The Fratellis:. The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro, before the doors part and out marches one grouchy Englishman, Nathaniel Black. Black raises his arms in the air, generally shouting his mouth off to the fans on his way to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from London, England! Weighing in at two hundred and thirty eight pounds... NNAAAATTHHAAANNIIIIEEEEELLLLLL... BBLLLLLLAAAAAAAAACCKK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black rounds the ring, yelling at some of the fans in the front row. His thick Cockney accent is pretty hard to decipher, but one of the words definately rhymed with 'blankers'. Instead of entering in any 'conventional' way, Black slides partway under the bottom rope so he's facing into the crowd and bridges up to his feet. Black then turns and raises his arms triumphantly. COLE Nathaniel Black making his return to HeldDOWN~! here tonight and not looking all that honoured to be here. Very outspoken on the OAOAST on our Syndicated broadcast from England a few weeks ago. COACH More than outspoken Mikey. He said he was gonna kick 'arse'. And just ask Jamie O'Hara, he's dead serious about it. As Black gets checked out by referee Mark Hebner, "Master Blaster (Jammin')" by Stevie Wonder begins to play. A Jamaican flag floats in the breeze on the AngleTron as Denzel Spencer heads out to the ring. BUFFER And, introducing the opponent. He hails from Montego Bay in Jamaica... weighing two hundred, twenty seven pounds... DDEEEEEEENNZZZZEEEEEEELLLL... SSSSSSSPPEEEEEEEENNCCEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE As Denzel Spencer makes his way to the ring, lets remind you of what we saw out of Nathaniel Black back at Syndicated. Take a look. We return to live action... *DINGDINGDING!* ...just as the opening bell sounds. COLE And now, Nathaniel Black in his first official OAOAST competition since the 2006 Anderson Cup, taking on another former tag-team competitor Denzel Spencer. Both these men will be hoping to make an impression on OAOAST top brass and earn themselves a 'spot' on HeldDOWN~! COACH Which is gonna be pretty tough with like 50 active singles wrestlers on the roster. COLE Coach! COLE What? I'm just repeating what Nathaniel was telling me earlier. After a lock-up to open proceedings, Denzel manages to grab a side headlock on his opponent. Black quickly pushes Denzel off into the ropes though and connects with a hard forearm to the stomach as he bounces back. With the wind knocked out of him Spencer staggers forward and falls into the ropes, leaving himself exposed for another forearm, this time to the kidneys. COLE Black, a hard-hitting Englishman. Spencer has to try and keep the pace quick here tonight and stay away from both the ground game and the striking game if he can. Spinning Denzel around, Black levels his opponent with a European Uppercut. Denzel ends up hung over the top rope, Black dragging him off them and into a second, expertly delivered uppercut. With a wring of the arm Black then whips Denzel across the ring, ducking his head... and getting leapfrogged! Nathaniel looks surprised as he turns around, right into a standing dropkick! And a second! And on the third time of asking, an armdrag takes the Englishman over, Spencer barring the arm. COLE Or, maybe not. COACH Nah, you were actually right the first time. For once. An armbar ain't gonna do much, Denzel needs to keep moving. Black uses a helpful handful of Spencer's hair to help him get back to his feet and buries a knee into the Jamaican's gut before he can even finish complaining to the referee about it. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Hebner warns Black over the hairpull, he shows what he thinks of the OAOAST official by CLUBBING Denzel between the shoulder blades! Denzel cringes and backs across the ring. In doing so, he lures in Black and boots him in the gut as he approaches him in the corner. Hopping onto the second rope, Spencer then waits for Black to close in again before soaring with a Crossbody... 1... 2... Kickout. Rolling through, Denzel gets to his feet first and runs the ropes for a clothesline. Black manages to duck the line though, swinging himself behind with a waistlock. However, Spencer manages to put the brakes on the premature Black Magic attempt by kicking his feet onto the middle rope, pushing off and taking Nathaniel over with a Swinging Bulldog! COLE Wow! Nice improvisation from Denzel Spencer there. Cover by Spencer... 1... 2... No! Quickly, Denzel heads for the top rope. Still looking dis-orientated from the Bulldog Black wanders around aimlessly for a second or too, before walking right into the path of Spencer... ...DUCKE... ...NO! Denzel adjusts in mid-air and takes Black over with a Flying Sunset Flip... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE I tell you what, Denzel Spencer is cooking right now! He's determined to make a name for himself tonight. COACH Yeah, much more of this and our World Champion might actually recognise him. Back up, Denzel ducks a left swing from Black. And a right. Neither clothesline working, Black lets his frustrations get the better of him and tries to headbutt Spencer clean in the face. But Spencer is no longer there. Dropping to all fours, Denzel crawls through the legs of Nathaniel Black and scrambles to the ropes, catching Black as he turns around with another Crossbody... 1... 2... No! Both men rush to their feet and finally Black manages to catch Denzel, kneeing him in the gut and slowing him down even more with a European Uppercut. Black then whips Denzel into the turnbuckles and looks to follow right in behind him. Up and over goes the Jamaican however. Black just about avoids a nasty collision with the buckles and has to think quickly as Denzel rushes him. Sidestep from Nathaniel, but Denzel also slams on the brakes just in time... *WHAM!* ...and turns right into a BRUTAL Lariat, catching him cold from the left side!! COLE Oh, my! COACH He took his head off, mon! Taking the opportunity to finally catch his breath, Black takes a second before covering the prone Spencer... 1... 2... Kickout! By the hair, Black brings Denzel back up. A hard forearm shiver has Denzel staggered. And a second. With Denzel staggered, Nathaniel then comes roaring, putting all his two thirty eight behind his patented BLACK LARIAT! COACH Oh, that has gotta be it! COLE Rolling clothesline, from the right side this time. Safe to say that the early energy we saw out of Denzel has been knocked out of him. Instead of going for the pin, Black instead makes a surprise decision to go to the top rope. But with Denzel down and showing little sign of life, the rugged Englishman has time to come divingbombing from the third floor with a devestating Flying Kneedrop! Cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE There's still some energy there though on Denzel Spencer's part! Stalking his opponent, Black waits for an opening. And as soon as Denzel starts pushing himself up his finds it. Taking a short run-up, Black simply PUNTS Denzel in the sternum with a rugby kick! Spencer is hit so hard, he actually flips over in mid-air, drawing a groan from the Boston crowd. COLE We haven't seen a whole lot of the vaunted, British style wrestling that Nathaniel Black has been priding himself on in the past year of his career. This has been a rugged, nasty performance. Nothing pretty but oh, so effective. COACH It's rugged and nasty because that's how he feels about being in an OAOAST ring. Black clinches Spencer's head and backs him into a corner, striking him hard in the chest with the palms of his hands. And again. The palm strikes are legal but the doing-them-in-the-corner isn't so referee Hebner lays a count on Black, not endearing himself to the not-so jolly Brit. Black hits one more double thrust before breaking just to spite the ref. He then brings Denzel out into the middle of the ring, executing a back suplex. After a few choice words for the hostile Bostonians, off the ropes comes Black, dropping another knee to the chest and covering... 1... 2... Kickout! BLACK BLOODY 'ELL REF, COME ON! By the hair, Black sits Spencer up before wrapping on a rear waistlock. "DEN - ZEL!" "DEN - ZEL!" "DEN - ZEL!" "DEN - ZEL!" The crowd's support gets Denzel back into the match as he starts to climb back to his feet. Black keeps his hands locked around Denzel's chest to try and restrict his breathing. If Denzel was in need of the heimlich manoeuver right now then he'd be in the right place. But, of course he doesn't. So he makes a break for the nearest corner, ducking his head late to drive Black face-first into the top turnbuckle pad and break the hold! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Black staggers backwards, into a schoolboy... 1... 2... Kickout! Cutting off any momentum his opponent had been building, a quick forearm connects on Denzel. COLE Quick thinking there from Black but he's finding this a little tougher than jumping someone from behind in the back after they've already competed, that's for sure. COACH What does that have to do with anything!? Having dropped him with the forearm, Black has to pull Spencer back up before delivering a Half Nelson... ARMDRAG!? YES, counter by Denzel and out to the floor tumbles Nathaniel! The Englishman quickly pulls himself back up. But the next thing he knows, Denzel Spencer is hurtling towards him, wiping him out with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH They can fly, they can bobsled, is there anything these Jamaican cats can't do!? Denzel climbs back up and tags some of the outstretched hands in front of him. Throwing Black back into the ring, Denzel follows with a quick kick. That sets Nathaniel up for the Scissors Kick... and it CONNECTS! The Boston crowd encourage Denzel to get on his opponent, which he does with a deep leg hook... 1... 2... NO! The laid back Jamaican doesn't dwell on the disappointment and loads Black up into a corner. Denzel follows in with a Stinger Splash... ...NOBODY HOME! Denzel crashes into the turnbuckles chest-first! COLE That was a mistake. Denzel stumbles out of the corner, back into a European Uppercut to the upper back. With Denzel softened up Black then pulls him back into an inverted front facelock and whips around, driving him down with the Chelsea Dagger!! COACH Count it. 1... 2... Kickout! COLE No! Denzel kicks out, but that may have just pissed off the Brit. Frustrated, Black warns the referee off with a look as he stalks behind Denzel. The Jamaican doesn't see the trap he's walking into, oblivious until Black lunges forward, snaring Denzel's arm into a chickenwing. Denzel tries to fight the hold, getting his arm between Black's and his neck to block the crossface... ...until Black delivers a headbutt to the back of the neck! Another! Another and another and another, striking the soft point of the neck until Denzel's defence collapses... ...AND HE LATCHES ON THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!! COACH Yep, he pissed him off alright. COLE Crossface Chickenwing is sunk in, it may be academic from here. Denzel gets taken to the mat by Black, wrenching away on the hold as he traps one of the Jamaican's legs in a scissors to prevent it finding it's way onto a rope. He needn't worry though as, realising he's in trouble, Denzel puts up a brief fight... *TAPTAPTAP!* ...before surrendering!! *DINGDINGDING!* Black releases the hold and shoves Denzel away from him, as "Chelsea Dagger" hits. Pushing to his feet, Black raises his arms triumphantly as the crowd show their disapproval. BUFFER Your winner of the match... NATHANNIIIIIEEEEEELLLLLLL BBLLLLLLAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Nathaniel Black picking up the victory on his return to the OAOAST, but you've got to give credit to Denzel Spencer. COACH Why? He lost. COLE Fantastic. Far from looking pleased with his victory, Black leaves the ring with a fixed scowl on his face. Black mouths off to a couple of fans giving him a hard time before marching off towards the back. COLE Well, that was an interesting reaction to such an important victory. Anyway, we'll have more HeldDOWN~! in just a few moments, don't go anywhere. ***Newsflash asshole I go wherever the fuck I want.*** COMING UP NEXT Champions' road to glory Team Heyross In Action NEXT COMMERCIAL

MELODY (Patty's note: I'm assuming he meant Maggie!) Hey folks, the one of many Melody Nerdly here and I'm jammin' backstage with none other than Denzel Spencer. Like what I did there? DENZEL Bob Marley references? Yeah, dey never get old. MELODY You know it. Now, you're back on HeldDOWN~! tonight in singles action, you've gotta be pretty excited. DENZEL Melody, dat's right. I'm real excited for t'night. It's a real shame 'bout WDW, 'specially for a guy like me, jus' beginnin' to make a name for myself an' gettin' de opportun'ties against de Alfdoggs o' de world. But, dat don' matter no more. It's a fresh start for me now. Ya know, de battle royal at Syndicated, I didn't fare so good. But da's okay, beca... "Excuse me..." Both Denzel and Melody are surprised to be interrupted by, of all people, OAOAST World Champion Landon Maddix! Landon, flanked of course by Megan Skye, strolls into shot and holds up two calming hands to Spencer. MADDIX I'm sorry to interrupt but, would you mind if I took it from here? DENZEL Excuse me mon, but I t'ink I was here first... MADDIX Oh, that's my mistake. But, I have to ask, you DO realise who I am, right? (flashes belt) You are officially outranked. No offence. Not feeling like arguing his side right now, Denzel just shrugs and walks away shaking his head. MADDIX (to Melody) Thanks for that Maxwell. He's a good kid. Lot of potential. MELODY His name is actually Denzel. MADDIX Whatever. Let's get right down to the skinny here Melody and talk about what happened last week in Hawaii. You see, last week was supposed to be the premature end to my World Title reign. It was touted as the night my 'bogey' opponent, Todd Cortez, would shock the world and take this OAOAST Title from me. After all, how could I beat the man who knew me better than any other? How could I kickout of the Riot Act Plus? Could I really cope with the pressure of three challengers breathing down my neck? Well, last week, I gave you all your answer. There's a lot of armchair critics out there in TV land right now who spoke out against me so confidently and so often, they're still busy eating their words as I speak. Landon smirks to himself. MADDIX See, not only did I beat Todd Cortez, I positively ANNIHILATED him! I left him beaten. Bloodied. And bed-ridden. Last Thursday was a message to all of those people who doubt me, right me off as just some arrogant pretty-boy blond from Espágna who doesn't have the killer instinct to be Champion. Sure, I'm a little self confident. But I've got a right to be. Sure, I'm pretty. I mean... come on, who wants a taste. But when it comes down to crunch-time, I'm also willing to go to that extra length. That's what makes me such a great Champion. Ever modest, Landon shrugs as if to say "I'm just saying what you're thinking". Melody raises her eyebrows a little but tries to seem accepting of what her new guest is saying. MADDIX So, it's one down and two to go. One of those two being another word-eater, mister Zack Malibu. I hope you're happy Zack. Because of you, I have no right-hand man and because of you, Todd Cortez has a concussion. Win-win, right? Right? Say, Melody, have you heard about this "AngleSlam Curse" phenomenon? MELODY Uh, well, yeah. MADDIX Yeah, me too. Zack, I've got good news for you my friend. You needn't worry about your little "AngleSlam Curse", you can let your apologists do that when the excuses are needed. The only curse you need to be concerned with is the "Cucaracha Curse", if you know what I mean, so... "OH! That's a GOOD one!" Now it's Landon's turn to be surprised by an interruption. This one courtesy of THA PUERTO RICAN, flanked of course by his fiancee Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. PRL and Landon scowl at each other, poor little Melody trapped in the middle. PRL That's cute, 'Cucaracha Curse', how long did it take you to think that one up? MADDIX About as long as your last World Title reign. Oh, wait, maybe not! Landon licks his index finger and chalks one up on his imaginary scoreboard. PRL That's right, laugh it up. But just remember, those testicles are just a loner and sooner or later you're gonna have to let your little girlfriend have them back. MADDIX Are you calling Megan a man? PRL No, I'm calling you a woman who has to have Megan make all your decisions for you. MADDIX Oh. Well. That's a little rich, considering your girlfriend is the one with the shiny belt around her waist. Now tell me, how does that make you feel there bigman? PRL I feel fine, considering I'm rubber and you're glue. MADDIX What the hell sort of a comeback is that, jackass? PRL Boing-flip. MADDIX ...damnit. Chewing on his gum a little more confidently now, PRL points Landon into looking him in the eyes. PRL Listen 'Champ', you can flap your little gums all you want about last week. But come AngleSlam, Madison Square Garden, The Big Apple, New York Cit-AY... it ain't going to change the fact that yours truly will walk in, layeth the smackdown and walk straight back out, new OAOAST World Champion. See, Zack Malibu has an AngleSlam Curse. Only this time, it's gonna be ME who takes advantage out of that jabroni's misfortune, NOT you! And then, me and my beeeeautiful fiance, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, will wed and live happily ever after, Mr. and Mrs. World Heavyweight CHAMPION!! We could exchange belts instead of rings. MADDIX Yeah because that wouldn't be lame at all. PRL Boing-flip. MADDIX ......damnit. Besides, the only reason your little underling is even holding that belt is because she never defends it. Which could be for one of two reasons. Either A- you're still waiting on the results of that gender test to check she's actually an eligible champion and yes, that actually was me calling your girlfriend a man, it's not original I know but I feel it works. Or, alternatively, Option B- she's just like you. All mouth, no panties. While PRL isn't sure whether that was supposed to be an insult or a compliment, Lindsay certainly takes offence, which in turn causes Tha Puerto Rican to take offence on her behalf. PRL I'll have you know Lindsay is the strongest, fiestiest most dominant female in the OAOAST. The only reason she's not defending her title every week on this show is the lack of challengers with the guts to face her! LINDSAY Yeah, that's ri... PRL Quiet Lindsay, the men are talking. LINDSAY MADDIX It's funny you should say all that. Because, I'm pretty confident my girlfriend could kick your girlfriend's ass. PRL and Landon suddenly go nose to nose. PRL Well, I think my girlfriend could kick your girlfriend's ass, just like I'm gonna do to you at AngleSlam. MADDIX Oh yeah? Prove it! PRL Elaborate. MADDIX Your bitch, one on one tonight for the Women's Title against my bitch... MEGAN HEY! MADDIX ...okay, that came out wrong. But, you see the basic point, right? PRL Megan versus Lindsay tonight, Women's Title? MADDIX Exactly. We have a deal? PRL No problem. LINDSAY HEY! Landon and PRL share a friendly handshake on figuring out what each other was talking about, before remembering they hate each other and stopping mis-shake to glare at each other. Landon and PRL then storm off in opposite directions. Forgetting to take their female counterparts with them. MEGAN, LINDSAY & MELODY *sigh* Men... Megan and Lindsay glare at each other, before scuttling off after their men. COLE Wow! Can you believe that, we've got ourselves a Women's Title match... TONIGHT! COMING UP NEXT DISCO LIVES Vinny Valentine DEBUTS NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

didn't we visit Boston like two months ago???

Not bad, not bad at all. everything can be edited where everything can be edited. dig?

I KNEW IT!!! You schedule makers are some shady motherfuckers.

Evening breaks across the tropical paradise of Honolulu, Hawaii. Thin wisps of purple clouds finger across the fresh sky. Fluttering birds begin their chorus, and the hills and treetops bask in the glowing sun. Beneath this serene vision is a stadium jammed to capacity with action hungry OAOAST fans. They won't be forced to endure the wait much longer, as a ring based Michael Buffer opens the proceedings. BUFFER The opening contest is scheduled for one and is for the ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! * BOOM * BUFFER Introducing first, the challengers, who both reside in the City of Angels and tonight look to become tag champions for an unprecedented fourth time…“THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL” ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and “MISS CALIFORNIA” KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, America’s Sweethearts….CHICKS OVER DICKS!! “YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The pomp and circumstance that usually accompanies COD is absent, as Alix and Krista simply march to the ring with a look of determination never before seen. COLE You think COD is ready or what? They haven’t wanted a couple of men this bad in a long, LONG time. COACH And you can thank Ned Blanchard and Leon Rodez for that. The Handsom COLE Leon Rodez? What’s he got to do with this? COACH He was so bad in bed it caused Alix to swear off men. On the flipside, the Handsome Hustler was such the best it made Krista forget about all the rest. She decided to go out on top. Who can blame her? Everybody after Ned -- and me -- is a step down. COD anxiously wait the arrival of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, waving them on down. You break the laws You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Money talks BUFFER About to come down the aisle with their Chief Financial Officer and tonight’s special guest referee MACKENZIE DECENZO, the reigning and defending undisputed tag team champions of the world, representing THE ENTERPRISE…“THE NATURAL” CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and “THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR” THEODORE MONEYMAKER!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Ring announcer Michael Buffer billed Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker as the undisputed tag team champions, but there’s plenty to be disputed about the matter in which they won the titles from COD on August 2nd. And just how impartial of a referee can we expect Mackenzie to be when she’s employed by the Enterprise?! Not to mention that ridiculous outfit she’s wearing in the middle of summer! COACH You gotta think and dress cool to stay cool, baby boy. But I can see you’re already lining up excuses for COD! Mackie’s no Tim Donaghy. She doesn’t need the money. Obviously Anglesault feels the same or he wouldn’t have agreed to Teddy’s request. COLE What in the world is going on? The last time I checked it was still August, not Halloween. To everyone‘s shock, the BANDAGED UP champions are WHEELED ringside by the Beverly Hills Blonds while CPA provides security protection. COACH Oh, my God. I hoped and prayed it was only a rumor. COLE Rumor? What rumor? Mackenzie DeCenzo, who despite being outdoors in the summer heat is wearing the mink coat presented to her last week, receives the microphone from Michael Buffer MACKIE Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. Theodore Moneymaker has a very important announcement. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER I appreciate your concern. Thank you. As you can see, Mr. Wright and I are in no condition to wrestle after the assassination attempt we survived earlier this afternoon. WRIGHT : ( COLE You gotta be kidding me! That’d be all over the news if true. MONEYMAKER Thankfully Mackie was out shopping and the Blonds were scoring for chicks who aren’t over dicks, so they weren’t in harm’s way when a car bomb -- that’s right a car bomb -- went off next to our limo, shooting us 40 or 50 feet in the air. As promoters of freedom and free enterprise in an increasingly leftist world, it’s no wonder an attempt was made on our lives. Fortunately, however, the big broad shoulders of our Certified Public Ass-kicker, CPA, adsorbed the impact. All the nails and bolts planted inside the bomb just bounced like a ball off a wall, baby. There’ll be a couple of extra zeros in your bank account next month for that. But it’s with deep regret that I must announce there will be no tag team title match here tonight. “BULLSHIT!” “BULLSHIT!” “BULLSHIT!” MONEYMAKER Hey, I agree. CW and I wanted to go, but our personal physician instructed us to refrain from wrestling until Angleslam. “YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Speaking of Angleslam, the man the event is named after appears onstage with mic in hand. ANGLESAULT So you’ve been instructed by your personal physician not to compete tonight you say? MONEYMAKER He faxed you the note. So read it and weep, boss. HAHAHAHAHAHA! ANGLESAULT (chuckles) Funny you should mention that, because my office didn’t receive any note. MONEYMAKER ANGLESAULT Therefore, you’re medically cleared to compete. If you still chose not to, then you’ll be stripped of the titles. Oh, and by the way, the Blonds and CPA are banned from ringside. Now you have until the count of 10 to make your decision. One! The crowd picks up where AS left off. TWO… THREE… FOUR… COD help Wright and Moneymaker with their decision, tipping their wheelchairs over from behind! COLE America’s Sweethearts ready to get this party started now! Tossed inside, the champs rush to their feet and stomp a mud hole on the girls as they slide underneath the bottom rope. Then CW and Teddy lash COD across the back with their tag titles. Of course Mackie waits for them to finish before officially starting the match. * DINGDINGDING * COD are brought to a vertical base and peppered with closed fists, or European uppercuts in CW’s case. Teetering on the ropes the girls return fire, sending Wright and Moneymaker backtracking. COD fire the champions into the ropes and backdrop the pair on the rebound, then dropkick them out over the top! “C-O-D!” “C-O-D!” “C-O-D!” ALIX To buy Teddy and CW time to regroup, special guest referee Mackenzie DeCenzo orders COD to a neutral corner where she all but gives them a full body cavity search, patting them down for illegal foreign objects. Alix and Krista enjoy it as much as Mackie seemingly does. The Enterprise CFO thoroughly examining the girls, particularly Krista, who she double and triple checks. Having been around the block more than a few times, the single mother/female heroine guides Mackie’s hand to the chewy caramel center and pushes up. COACH The hell…? COLE You can cut the sexual tension with a dildo! COACH What?! An irate Theodore Moneymaker pounds the ring apron over what’s going on inside, snapping Mackenzie out of her trance. She yanks her hand out from under Krista’s…yeah…and threatens disqualification for touching an official in an inappropriate matter. COLE How could Mackenzie even justify disqualifying COD for that? Now I don’t condone Krista’s behavior, but Mackie appeared to… COACH Don’t even go there, Cole. You know how slanderous the far left are. Disagree with them and they’ll smear you in the press and online. KRISTA (to Mackie) Shh, my darling. I understand. MACKIE THEODORE MACKIE (to Krista) Pervert! COLE I’m telling you, Coach, Mackenzie is torn between loyalty to her boss and lust for Krista. COACH Mackie’s ideal relationship is with a powerful businessman, not woman. Krista’s lucky she hasn’t been charged with sexual harassment. No means no. Theodore and Krista lockup and Moneymaker kicks her in the abdomen with the point of the boot. Following a snap mare, Teddy smashes the elbow into the chest and covers, but Krista kicks out well before a count can be attempted. Moneymaker cocks his fist and swings at Krista‘s head, but the Notorious KID ducks and scores on a modified version of her Great California Adventure, compressing the Billion Dollar Heir’s spinal column with an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP and then a SUPERKICK flush to the jaw! COLE Oh, look at this! We may have new champions minutes into the match! ONE… TWO… FOOT ON THE ROPE! The tag is made and the Hollywood Bad Girl channels her inner Warrior, pumping her fist and running in place, but she’s lured into a false sense of security and thumbed in the eye. Rather than scold Moneymaker for the rule violation, Mackie stands pat and watches as Theodore chops Alix against the ropes. Christian Wright receives the tag and heads to the top while Moneymaker tends to unfinished business, whipping Alix across for a baaaaack body drop…but she puts on the breaks and wraps Teddy up in a SMALL PACKAGE! COACH Silly rabbit. You can’t pin the illegal man. Perched on top, Wright climbs down a buckle and drops the big elbow from the middle rope! ONE… TWO… SAVE BY KRISTA! And now Mackie becomes concerned with enforcing the rules, admonishing Krista for her actions during which the champs put the boots to Alix. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” KRISTA Mackie physically has to restrain Krista from entering, much to her delight as she gets to feel up KID’s tone body again. COLE This is getting ridiculous, ladies and gentlemen. Our worst fears have come true. Mackenzie DeCenzo is playing favorites. COACH Wasn’t it just a few minutes ago you said Mackie is torn between loyalty to the Enterprise and lust for Krista? COLE Yeah. And? COACH Then how do you know she isn‘t doing Krista a favor? I mean, her face might get rearranged if she’s in there with Wright or Moneymaker. Theodore claps his hands overhead to simulate a tag as he and CW swap places. Unsurprisingly, Mackie permits the unseen tag. Scoop and a slam, and Teddy drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS! Before counting Mackenzie reminds Krista one more strike and COD’s disqualified, putting her between a rock and a hard place. THEODORE ONE… TWO… THR-- NO!! THEODORE Annoyed by Alix’s fighting spirit, Moneymaker smashes her into the turnbuckle and then off to the far corner, charging in after…and eats a BOOT TO THE FACE! The Hollywood Bad Girl then grabs Teddy by the head and delivers a SUCKER FREE TORNADO DDT off the middle rope!! “YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Alix covers, but Mackie refuses to count, now citing Moneymaker as the illegal man. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Count, you bitch! Krista shakes her head in disgust as CW pulls Alix off Theodore and rocks her with a hard European uppercut. The Natural shoots Alix in and over with the WRIGHT OFF…NO, Alix counters with a monkey flip! Moneymaker steps in to prevent a tag, but runs into a drop toehold from Alix and splashes CW! * TAG * “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” VANITY PUNCHES stagger Theodore long enough for the fitness queen to pull out a compact mirror and admire herself before decking the Billion Dollar Heir, who nosedives to the canvas as Krista bounces off the near side and salsa’s her way towards his carcass, drilling the knee onto the back of the head! “C-O-D!” “C-O-D!” “C-O-D!” As Krista puts the badmouth on Teddy, CW clubs her from behind and delivers a nasty GERMAN SUPLEX complete with bridge! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Wright motions for Teddy to go up top, but the Billion Dollar Heir settles on the middle rope instead and accidentally drills CW with a bionic elbow! Krista able to get out of the way. Remorseful, Theodore checks on Christian’s welfare…and gets locked in his own BANK VAULT! “YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Bank Vault! Krista’s got Theodore in the Bank Vault! COACH How embarrassing. That woman will stoop to any level to rob a man of his pride. Mackie pleads for Teddy’s release. Unable to reason with Krista, the Money Honey tries the next best thing -- seduce her. Mackie grabs a handful of ass and squeezes, which is just what the doctor ordered. Krista releases the hold and readies to plant a big wet one on Mackenzie when CW sneaks up and applies a SLEEPER HOLD! COACH Hahaha! Yes! He’s got it hooked in and hooked in good, Cole. Krista’s starting to go out of it. “KRISTA!” “KRISTA!” “KRISTA!” Mackie makes sure she’s in good position to hear Krista quit, on a knee and in her face. Wright keeps cranking on the pressure, beads of sweat dripping off his mug and onto Krista, but Ally breaks it up with a well place KICK TO THE COCONUTS! WRIGHT The speedy Latina exits before Mackie spots her. When questioned Alix says “No speak English.” COACH And I’m white. What a load of bull. Krista struggles to her feet as a tag is made by the champions. Doubled over, Krista is popped upside the head with a Billion $ Kneelift and then pile driven! Theodore signals it’s over and covers. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! “YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Moneymaker blatantly CHOKES Krista right in front of Mackie, who of course turns a blind eye to clean the ring of imaginary debris. “MACKIE SUCKS!” “MACKIE SUCKS!” “MACKIE SUCKS!” CW comforts Mackie in the corner, covering her ears so she can’t hear the unflattering chant. WRIGHT SILENCE!! “CHRISTIAN SHALLOWS!” “CHRISTIAN SHALLOWS!” “CHRISTIAN SHALLOWS!” WRIGHT Meanwhile, Theodore shoots Krista into the ropes and whiffs on a clothesline. Krista shoots back off the ropes and the two wipe each other out, bumping heads as they leapfrog simultaneously. COACH They both had the same idea in mind, Cole. COLE Krista in dire need of a tag. She’s been in the match quite a long time and one has to wonder how much she has left in the tank. Alix is a manic on the apron, dancing like she’s never danced before in anticipation of the tag. Moneymaker and Duncan begin to stir, with Theodore the closest to the corner. Both crawl towards their respective partners and it’s Moneymaker who makes the tag first. Wright hurries to intercept COD’s tag, but Krista lunges forward and out to Alix! “YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ALIX CW begs off to lure Alix into a false sense of security just as Theodore did earlier, but Alix learned her lesson, blocking Wright’s blow and jams both knees into the Natural’s face. She takes CW to the corner and rams into the turnbuckle not once, but a SUPER SWEET SIXTEEN TIMES! CW falls to his knees and then on his face. Alix turns him over and covers! ONE… TWO… Alix rolls off and laughs as Teddy drops an elbow on his own partner! Then Krista flies into view, decking Moneymaker with a forearm smash that sends them both out to the floor. COACH All hell’s breaking loose. You got action in and outside the ring! Alix stands over CW and shakes what the Good Lord gave her, flipping back onto Wright…AND A PAIR OF HIS KNEES! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” COLE Wright had Alix’s booty shaking moonsault well scouted. You gotta be real sure on a move like that or what we just saw will happen. While Teddy and Krista still battle on the arena floor, CW places Alix in a front facelock, getting the crowd to rise up as the end appears near. COACH Stockmarket Crash coming up. Wright lifts Alix up, but the Hollywood Bad Girl manages to slip over and plant CW with a FULL NELSON FACE CRUSHER!! COLE Christian Wright, You have died of Dysentery! Spezia covers but Mackie doesn’t count, feigning an eye injury. If she doesn’t have one now, she will soon as Alix calls bullshit. Mackie warns Alix about putting a finger on her, pointing to the stripe shirt underneath her mink fur coat to remind Alix who’s boss. COACH Hit her Alix! Hit it-- I mean her! COLE Yeah, so COD can get disqualified. Outside, Moneymaker shoves Krista into the guardrail and grabs CW’s BRIEFCASE in the corner. Theodore slithers inside like a snake in the grass, and then charges full steam ahead towards Alix and… * THUD * …BLASTS MACKIE SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES WITH THE BRIEFCASE!!! “YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THEODORE Moneymaker slams the briefcase and gets SPEARED by Krista! A woman possessed, Krista tries to claw Teddy’s eyes out. Alix joins in on the fun, stomping Theodore in the gut as a SECOND REFEREE, OAOAST senior official Earl Hebner, arrives to check on Mackenzie. As that goes on, the girls’ hip toss Teddy and level him with a double dropkick. And the Billion Dollar Heir seeks shelter on the arena floor, but Krista slings herself over the top rope and onto him below! COLE That took as much as out Krista as it did Theodore Moneymaker. Inside, Wright scoops Alix up in a fireman’s carry, then rolls forward, crashing all his weight down on her! COACH Bank Roll! Now count the pin Hebner! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... It’s gotta be a 10 count by now. Earl finally notices the pin attempt. ONE… TWO… THREE! NO!! KICKOUT! “YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Wright complaints of a slow count fall on deaf ears. The professional that he is, Christian goes back to work, rattling Alix with a combination of European uppercuts and knife-edge chops. Whipped to the far side Alix ducks a back elbow and catches CW on the rebound with a SUNSET FLIP PILEDRIVER!! COLE Burning Sensation When You Urinate! With Mackie out the only line of defense is Theodore Moneymaker, but Krista prevents him from breaking up the pin by holding onto his legs. COACH Oh, dear God, no. Please no! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE COD! COD! COD! Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, we have witnessed history. The winners and for the FOURTH TIME World tag team champions, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN…THE CHICKS OVER DICKS!!! “YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Teddy bows his head in disbelief. His Enterprise’s rule on tag team wrestling gone completely. COD, meanwhile, have all the reason in the world to celebrate. They embrace in the center of the ring after being awared the World tag team titles for a record 4th time. COLE What a way to kick off the program with new One & Only World tag team champions! COACH I’ve seen it and I still can’t believe. It’s the second week in a row the Enterprise has lost a set of tag titles and in the opening match no less. They aren’t curtain jerkers. They didn’t have enough time to get loose. Whoever booked them to go on first did it to sabotage the Enterprise. Well I hope they’re happy because they did just that. There oughta be investigation! COLE Heh, and you said I was the one lining up excuses for COD. Fans, don’t touch that dial. We have more action to come. Stay with us! COMING UP NEXT The Boiz Are Back In Town Sk8r Boiz Vs Los Conquistadors NEXT We fade in on a shot of the New York City skyline as the sun sets. Mellow music plays. We then see rapid fire shots of various New York City landmarks: the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue Of Liberty, Central Park. The World's Most Famous Arena. Cut to a shot of Madison Square Garden. The World's Greatest City. Cut to a shot of the New York City skyline at night. The biggest event of the summer. Cut to the OAOAST AngleSlam 2007 logo. Triumphant music plays. OAOAST ANGLESLAM LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEW YORK, NEW YORK TWO WEEKS AWAY! NOT VINCE McMAHON, BUT A VERY CLOSE SOUNDALIKE ANGLESLAM 2007! THE SINGLE GREATEST ANGLESLAM OF ALL-TIME!!! Fireworks explode. We fade out.

We get an aerial shot of the Aloha Stadium. The capacity crowd is going nuts. COLE Fans, we've still got a main event to get to, for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title in fact, but before that, we have got a special treat for all of you! Live, tonight, in front of the sold out crowd at the Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii, the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, Colombian Heat, will be making his live performance debut! He will be performing his song "Unstoppable" for all you fans here tonight. COACH This is considered a good thing how? COLE Colombian Heat has been looking forward to this all week. He has a 24/7 Title match coming up at AngleSlam, and Spanish Fly losing his mask last week hurt him too, but for now, he's going to put all of that aside, so that he can entertain us with his rapping! COACH Oh God. I can't believe I'm being paid to watch this crap! COLE You're getting paid rather well for this, so I wouldn't complain if I were you. COACH ...That's a good point. COME ON COLOMBIAN HEAT! SPIT THAT HOT FIRE! RAISE THE ROOF! pleasedon'tfireme. COLE Anyway, it is now time. The stage is set. Colombian Heat has certainly been looking forward to this moment. So, now, let's go down to the stage for The Colombian Heat Rap Concert! COACH Go Heat! COLE We get the point, Coach. COACH Good. Cut to the stage near the entrance. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation. SPANISH FLY (Over the P.A. System) Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the one, the only, my main man, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTT! The crowd cheers loudly. The stage is adorned with two giant Colombian flags. Spotlights circle the stage. Two Colombian Heat posters hang behind the DJ. The skinny African American DJ himself is spinning records on the turntables. He cuts them up, scratching away, getting the crowd fired up. DJ Aiyo, what's up, this is DJ Dizee here, and we're about to get buckwild! So, I want everybody to put their hands together like this. A'ight? Cool! DJ Dizee starts playing "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' To Fuck Wit" by The Wu-Tang Clan. He gets the crowd hyped up. DJ DIZEE Yeah! That's it! Wave them hands from side to side! Come on! Come on! That's it! That's how we're doing it! Here in Honolulu! MAKE SOME NOISE! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" DJ Dizee continues scratching the Wu-Tang classic. He then switches to Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause". DJ DIZEE GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! GET UP NOW! DJ Dizee scratches "Rebel Without A Pause" up, impressing the crowd. He then stops the record, and the fans cheer loudly. DJ DIZEE All right, everybody. Party people in the place to be. It's about that time for my man to come up here and rock the mic! So, I want everybody, everywhere, to stand up, and give it up, for my main man, he's the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, and not only can he go in the ring...he can go on the mic. So, get ready to feel the Heat! Here he is, COLOMBIANNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTT! NOT BARRY WHITE, BUT A VERY CLOSE SOUNDALIKE You know what time it is right? FEMALE Yes. NOT-BARRY Drop them draws trick. FEMALE Yes master. The beat kicks in. A silhouette of Colombian Heat appears behind the two Colombian flags. Colombian Heat steps out, wearing a long white T-shirt, tons of jewerly around his neck, a New York Yankees baseball cap tilted to the right on top of a white doo-rag, a pierced right ear, a gray camouflage jacket, sunglasses, a platinum watch on his right wrist, camouflage shorts, and black boots. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. The crowd cheers some more. Heat places the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt in the DJ's booth. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! MAKE SOME NOISE UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH~!" Three hot dancers step out onto the stage. One black, one white, and one Hispanic. All three are wearing orange sports bras, black elbow pads, orange and black tight shorts, black knee pads, and black boots. They start doing their choreographed dance number as Colombian Heat starts rapping. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo check out the flyest of the fly son, ain't no lie/ Discover this and recover quick when I do drive bys/ Fly high, y'all punks can’t be ready/ Drop the high kick and fly spits just like Machettes/ You ready? Son you ain't ready when I come thru/ Droppin’ lyrical science like I'm affiliated with the Wu/ Do you know? Punk you betta know who it is/ The father of at least 3 out of 4 of your god damn kids/ The God man lives for justice and rebellion/ Ask yo momma, yeah right you know yo momma aint tellin'/ I’m sellin’ mo dough and mo dough call me Pillsbury/ But poke my tummy dummy and get your head pop like cherries/ Can you begin to imagine the politics I address/ Pencil necks I’m the pen that she brought to the test/ Betta wear your vest, cuz it’s a black snow storm/ And the whack so torn when I let my gats snow storm/ This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint ready for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard/ This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint ready for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard/ Step in the squared circle, what is this a battle royal/ Minute I look at the opponent they pants get soiled/ With their own blood, I write these poems they deep/ As the Milky Way babe lying beneath my sheets/ The flow is deep, tight rope gully with the moves/ 1,002 different ways to execute you/ Electrocute you, the jolly olly man of the block/ Hey Arnold, this football head is about to get shot/ Ink blots made of blood, tub full of Jello puddin’ freaks/ Bowing down to glory cuz they want to eat/ After I take the title, I’m likely to go homicidal/ On enemies who can’t proclaim that they know my style/ G~mile taught me the rules, Stevie taught me the ways/ Stay greasy with the breezies in a gelatin cage/ Check out my gelatin babes, they accompany me to the ring/ Check they fingers out, nothin’, cuz I took all they bling/ This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard As the song hits the instrumental break, DJ Dizee starts scratching up the record and the dancers continue their dance. HEAT YEAH! EVERYBODY MAKE SOME NOISE! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" HEAT NOW WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, AND ACT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE, AND IF YOU WANT JAMES RIGGS TO FEEL THE HEAT, SOMEBODY SAY 'OH YEAH!' "OH YEAH!" HEAT OH YEAH! "OH YEAH!" HEAT HA HA WE DOIN' BIG THINGS TONIGHT! HA! HA! Colombian Heat jumps up and down on the stage before getting into the third verse. COLOMBIAN HEAT Game over, why you even bother coming to the circle/ I asked your girlfriend and that ho told me yo jock strap purple/ Mad nasty, Ref DQ him before he even steps foot/ Into a battle with a don who lives like a crook/ The fresh prince, I leaves foes breathless when they mention/ My name in vain, how dare they even commit transgressions/ No question, they ready for me to make it rain/ Pacman Jones game, the future, the hall of fame/ How much is it going cost you before I stop/ Don't you know even Zeus was scared from my shocks/ Aphrodite rocked me nightly, high risk positions/ She the jump off, top rope can be bad for your nutrition/ I pinned her, yea, I pinned your girl partna'/ Earl Hebner, I did the 3 count on her, str8 rasta/ Sharpa image, give me a round of applause/ Cause this a new World order and wankstas pay the cost/ This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard This is basic trigonometry, you cant copy me/ Rhyme vitamin G status on a shopping spree/ You niggas aint ready for war, you aint for more/ Debut #1 on your momma's billboard Colombian Heat raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~! PYRO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The song ends. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat continues raising the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head with a HUGE smile on his face. He's tired from the performance, but that doesn't stop him from flashing a beaming smile. COLOMBIAN HEAT THANK YOU, HONOLULU! YOUSE WERE GREAT! Colombian Heat goes back to raising the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. SPEAR~! COLE What--what the!? James Riggs comes from out of nowhere and SPEARS Colombian Heat! COLE James Riggs! What's he doing here!? COACH He's putting a stop to the show, thank goodness. COLE He wasn't scheduled to be here tonight! COACH Which is why he showed up! To surprise Colombian Heat, the man he will take the 24/7 Title away from at AngleSlam! James Riggs, wearing sunglasses, a black T-shirt, long leather jacket, blue jeans, and black boots, gets up and starts stomping away on Colombian Heat! The crowd boos loudly. The three hot dancers scurry away as Riggs puts the boots to Heat. COLE James Riggs is manhandling Colombian Heat! Somebody stop this! COACH Watch out. Colombian Heat might have a gun! COLE Oh come on! JR taunts Colombian Heat, warning him that come AngleSlam, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt will be his. Riggs stomps Colombian Heat some more. He removes his long leather jacket and continues stomping. Then he chokes Colombian Heat with his bare hands! COLE Damnit! Somebody stop this! Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! Riggs goes over to the DJ booth. DJ Dizee quickly runs away. JR grabs one of the turntables and takes it with him over to the fallen Colombian Heat, where he then smashes the turntable onto Colombian Heat's right shoulder! COLE James Riggs is decimating Colombian Heat 10 days before AngleSlam! COACH I know! Isn't it great!? The crowd is still booing loudly. Riggs throws the turntable aside. It falls off of the stage. Colombian Heat is lying on the floor, clutching his right shoulder in pain. Riggs taunts the crowd. They boo. Loudly. Riggs then heads on over to one end of the stage and waits for Colombian Heat to get up. COLE What's he going to do now? COACH What do you think he's going to do? COLE Oh no. Oh no! Not that! Anything but that! COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! HAHAHAHAHA! James Riggs motions for Colombian Heat to get up. Heat is slow getting up. Riggs is getting more impatient by the second. COLE He's not done yet. COACH He better not be! Colombian Heat gets on his hands and knees. James Riggs yells out, "COME ON! COME ON!" The crowd desperately tries to warn Colombian Heat of what's coming up. But Heat is too busy kneeling down to do anything. COACH Here comes the kill! COLE NO! NO! NO! Colombian Heat slowly stands up. He is now groggy. He has trouble maintaining his balance. Heat is breathing hard. Colombian Heat turns around. That's when James Riggs charges forward...does a forward roll...and SMASHES his right foot right into Colombian Heat's face!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Rolling Wheel Kick by James Riggs onto Colombian Heat right on the stage! COACH That's a preview of AngleSlam, Cole! That's Colombian Heat's future in 10 days! Colombian Heat falls onto the stage again! James Riggs stands tall over him. But all Riggs has is a look of disdain on his face. The crowd is still booing. COLE James Riggs and Colombian Heat have only crossed paths now for about two months, but this feud has already turned bitter! And it's all because of the OAOAST 24/7 Title! COACH James Riggs wants to become OAOAST 24/7 Champion more than you'll ever know! He wants to taste gold in the OAOAST! Hey, if Colombian Heat is a Champion, why can't James Riggs be one too? COLE Maybe it's because--oh never mind. You'll never listen anyway! COACH I sure wouldn't! JR taunts Colombian Heat. He grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt and then grabs the microphone. JAMES RIGGS THIS IS YOUR FUTURE, COLOMBIAN HEAT! AUGUST 26TH, YOUR ASS IS MINE! I OWN YOU, HEAT! THIS TITLE BELONGS TO ME, AND I WILL GET IT, I WILL TAKE IT HOME WITH ME IN TWO WEEKS! AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! YOUR ASS IS MINE! JR beats Colombian Heat with the microphone! COLE Oh come on! He's had enough! COACH No he hasn't. JR throws the microphone aside. James Riggs raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand in the air. He has a look of ANGER~! etched on his face. The crowd boos louder than they did before. COACH First he took Spanish Fly's mask, now he's beaten Colombian Heat to a bloody pulp! James Riggs is on FIRE as we get closer and closer to AngleSlam! COLE Sad as it is to say, you're right! James Riggs has the momentum as we get closer and closer to AngleSlam. In just 10 more days, these two men will collide for the 24/7 Title, but I don't know if they'll wait that long to get it on! COACH Well, if Colombian Heat wants some, James Riggs will be more than willing to oblige! COLE Maybe, Coach. Although, I think the surprise factor really helped James Riggs tonight. Like it has in the past. COACH Don't you start now, Cole! James Riggs is the one holding the 24/7 Title now, just like he will be doing at AngleSlam! So get ready to bow down and recognize your NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion, James Riggs! JR does a SHIMMY~! to mock Colombian Heat. He laughs manically. The crowd boos even louder. Riggs does some mocking "hip-hop" poses. Meanwhile, a cut has appeared above Colombian Heat's right eyebrow. Blood starts pouring out. Heat lies on the stage in tremendous pain. COLE James Riggs has busted Colombian Heat open. He is the one standing tall at the end of Colombian Heat's Rap Concert! COACH He gave the best performance of the night! COLE James Riggs has sent quite the message to Colombian Heat, just like he has over the past few weeks. Tonight was supposed to be a great night in Colombian Heat's life, but James Riggs made sure that this night would be one of the worst nights of Colombian Heat's life! James Riggs has ruined The Colombian Heat Rap Concert! James Riggs raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand in the air with a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd boos loudly. The three hot dancers have disappeared, but DJ Dizee is back checking up on Colombian Heat. Heat is holding his right shoulder in horrible pain. Blood is coming out of the cut on his forehead. Colombian Heat is screaming out in horrible horrible pain as we cut to a commercial. * COMMERCIAL BREAK * COMING UP NEXT ***OAOAST WORLD TITLE*** Landon Maddix Vs Todd Cortez NEXT MAINEVENT CAN GO HERE. YESH?

COMING UP NEXT Deadly Alliances Alfdogg and Felix Strutter Vs ThunderKid & Reject NEXT It has been the foundation of the OAOAST It has revitalized careers and created legends It has unleashed a bevy of outrageous characters upon an unsuspecting world And now it is your's to own on DVD in Cult Of Personality: The Story of the OAOAST tag division Featuring: ***Twenty two unedited matches, including never before seen footage of GPX, Black T, and The Sooner Bruisers.*** A two and a half hour documentary, including interviews from One Eye Wallace TERRY TAYLOR Give me your opinion on the Heavenly Rockers, Marcellus. ONE-EYE Man, fuck them niggas. Dat my opinion. Motherfuck them niggas. I was in NY, shouts to Jim Jones, Capo, hip-hop ain't dead, you still holdin it down for NY, and I went down to one of 'dem bodega shits down in Harlem, copped that Heavenly Rockers joint last December... TERRY The commemorative edition Kwanzaa album? ONE-EYE Yeah. Thought I was 'bout to be on some Morris Day and The Time shit. Man, that shit sounded like some 97 Mariah Carey. It was 97 Mariah Carey, they just took a Heavenly Rockers sticker and slapped it over the cover of Butterfly. Wacker then a motherfucker. Now its Green Day for life. Cult Of Personality: The Story of the OAOAST tag division The camera cuts to the backstage area again. Colombian Heat is seen walking. He is still in his wrestling attire. The crowd cheers. Heat has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder and is practicing his rhymes for later on. Heat is so into his rhyming, that he doesn't notice it when he bumps into an old friend. That friend's name? "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Hey! Watch where you're going you jackas--well, well, well...look what the cat dragged in. COLOMBIAN HEAT Heh. How you doing P.R.? THA PUERTO RICAN I was doing fine until you showed up! Funny how that works, huh? I haven't seen you in about seven months. I was hoping for that streak to continue. HEAT Belee me, P.R. Tha feeling is more than mutual. More than. PRL 'Belee'? Is your English actually getting WORST!? God, I didn't think that was possible. So, what have you been up to? I saw your little boyfriend lose his mask last week. Pity. But it was about time that the whole world knew that Spanish Fly looked like Leave It To Beaver! HEAT Fly is doing fine, Puerto. It hasn't been easy, but he's surviving. And as for me? Well, I'ma rapper now. THA PUERTO RICAN Wait...Wait just a second. You? You!? You're a rapper!? YOU!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're a rapper!? That's great! That's hilarious! What's your rap name? MC Dumbass? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEAT Heh, real cute, P. Actually, I'ma go by my wrestling name, Colombian Heat lights up rings as well as mics. THA PUERTO RICAN You don't light up anything! If anything, you pour water on the fire I lighted up! You bring the crowd down. I bring the crowd up! HEAT Youse certainly bring SOMETHING up from the crowd. It comes from they mouths. And it's nasty. PRL I see what you did there, you little sneak. HEAT Hey partner, why you buggin'? I'ma start mah new career tonight. I'm mad excited, yo! I'ma show you guys just how it's done. PRL HA! HEAT Oh like youse could rap, P.R.! PRL For your information, Heat, when I was younger, I was a GOD on the microphone. They called me MC Lightning because I ZAPPED the competition! Word. HEAT P.R., just accept tha fact that you're the whitest Puerto Rican who ever walked tha face of tha Earth and we'll move on, a'ight? PRL NEVER! HEAT PRL Well, I best to be going. I feel my talent both in the ring AND on the microphone slipping away the longer I talk to you. SOOOO, ta-ta Colombian Heat! Break a leg tonight, Heat. In fact, break both of them, in addition to your arms, your neck, your face, and your body! HEAT Thanks, P.R. I's appreciate it. PRL I'm sure you do, son. Oh yeah, and good luck on losing the 24/7 Title to James Riggs at AngleSlam! HEAT Good luck on chokin' again in a World Title Match at AngleSlam! PRL (under his breath) You mangy little bugger. WELL, goodbye Colombian Heat! It's been swell...NOT! HEAT (under his breath) So corny. PRL mutters something to Colombian Heat, and then walks away, making sure to bump into Heat's left shoulder as he does so. Colombian Heat watches him go. HEAT Fake teeth wearin', high-pitched voice havin', yellow belly, punk mother jigger. Colombian Heat continues watching "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican walk away. Renagade hits, and Reject makes his way through the curtains. COLE What a tag team match we've got for you right now here on HeldDOWN, as Reject on his way to the ring! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing the first team...making his way down the aisle, hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! COLE And can you believe it, Coach, we're about to see Reject and Thunderkid as a team once again here, and unwillingly so! COACH Unreal, Cole, but then again, this is an unreal show! It'll be interesting to see what kind of continuity they still have, assuming they do, considering their current relationship! Reject poses on the buckles, drawing boos. COLE And there he is, the #1 contender to Alfdogg's WDW World heavyweight championship, a title that Alf has held for, this the 963rd consecutive day he's held that belt, by far the longest current reign in pro wrestling! COACH And you know, Cole, nothing personal against Alf, but you've got to root for Reject here! I mean, he's been right on the cusp of being a World champion for almost a year and a half now...you just got to pull for a guy to finally get over that hump, much like Peyton Manning and the Colts back in February! God of Thunder hits, enciting a huge reaction from the Hawaiians. COLE Well, we'll see in ten days if Reject can duplicate the feat of those Colts, as here comes his PARTNER tonight, Coach! BUFFER His partner, hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds, he is the REIGNING OAOAST Heartland champion...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE Thunderkid will put that title on the line at AngleSlam against Felix Strutter's WDW Heartland title, which will unify those belts! COACH And that should be a classic match! TK slides in the ring, and poses on the buckles. He hops off, and he and Reject lay the law down to each other. Je t'adore, je t'adore... Girls, Girls, Girls hits, and Felix Strutter walks out, with his neck wrapped in leis. BUFFER Their opponents...first, hailing from Thunder Bay, Ontario, and weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the REIGNING WDW Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! COACH Look at how much Felix has gotten laid since coming here! COLE What? COACH Look at his neck! COLE Strutter rolls into the ring and removes his belt, showing it to TK, then pointing to TK's belt as if to say "that one's going to be mine, too!" Strutter then poses on the buckles. Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way through the curtains. BUFFER And his tag team partner, weighing in at 240 pounds...he is a two-time former OAOAST World champion, and the REIGNING WDW Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! COACH What a match, Cole! Alf rolls into the ring, and removes his belt, showing it to the fans on each side of the ring, and each side responds with boos. Belts are handed off to the referee, and he calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf steps out to the apron, and after a brief debate, so does Reject. COLE And here we go, the two men who will meet to crown an undisputed Heartland champion in ten days at AngleSlam! Strutter and TK circle the ring, and tie up. Felix quickly takes TK down with an armdrag, and struts around the ring, as the crowd boos. COLE I don't know how smart this is on Strutter's part, you do NOT want to make a guy like TK angry! They move in for another tie-up, and Strutter goes behind with a hammerlock. TK reverses and wrenches the hold, but Strutter manages to reverse himself. TK grabs the foot and trips Strutter, who pushes TK off into the ropes, then rolls onto his stomach as TK hops over. Strutter gets up and leapfrogs, and TK tags Reject on his way back, then catches Strutter in a second leapfrog attempt and executes an inverted atomic drop! COLE Look at this, here's some nice teamwork! Reject comes in and clotheslines Strutter to the mat, then as Alf steps in, he catches a clothesline, as well! Alf rolls out of the ring, as Strutter catches a second clothesline, and he rolls back into the corner, as well. Alf hops back onto the apron, and asks for a tag, and gets it. COACH Here it is, Cole, Alf against Reject! After much trash-talking and showboating, Alf and Reject tie up, and Reject backs Alf into a corner, but Alf turns it around at the last second, and Reject winds up in the corner. Alf, surprisingly, breaks clean, then does some more taunting. COLE And Alf with a clean break, that's surprising! Reject moves in slowly, but Alf grabs him in a side headlock and takes him to the mat. Reject grabs a headscissors, which Alf escapes with a KIP UP~!, then goes behind with a hammerlock. Reject quickly reverses, but Alf reaches the ropes. Reject slaps Alf on the back in lieu of a clean break. COACH Uh-oh... Alf shoves Reject, who responds with a slap to the face of Alf, who responds with a spitwad in the face of Reject! COLE Oh, tempers are flaring now! Alf grabs Reject in a side headlock, but this time Reject shoves Alf off into the ropes. Alf ducks a clothesline, but gets caught with a spinning wheel kick on the way back! COLE Great kick by Reject! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf quickly rolls back to his corner and regains his senses. He moves out, and goes for a tieup, but instead knees Reject in the gut, then backs him into the corner and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Then a second! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then tags Strutter, who throws some kicks. Reject bounces back with a right hand, and a CHOP~!, knocking Strutter right to the mat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ COLE What a chop by Reject! However, Reject joins him on the mat, courtesy of a running clothesline from Alf, who is standing on the apron! COACH And what a clothesline by Alf! Strutter slowly gets to his feet, and whips Reject into a corner. He charges, but Reject moves, and Strutter goes shoulder-first into the post! COLE And Strutter rams his shoulder right into the post! Reject slowly walks over and tags in TK, who wrings the arm of Strutter, then forces him down to the mat, before driving a knee into the arm and barring it. COLE TK working over the arm of "After Hours" Felix Strutter, which went into the steel ringpost moments ago! Strutter works his way back to his feet, and delivers a thumb to the eye of TK, then executes a bodyslam! COLE Strutter saving himself with a thumb to the eye, and now he can make a tag! Alf is tagged back in, and he picks up TK and backs him into a corner, delivering a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a second! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf brings TK out and sets up a suplex, but TK blocks! COLE TK now blocking that attempted suplex after taking those hard chops! TK blocks again, then executes a suplex of his own! TK rolls over and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK then slowly rolls over to his corner and tags Reject back in. COACH Well, these guys may not like each other anymore, but they still know how to work a good tag match together, I have to say that! Reject delivers right hands to Alf, then backs into the ropes and clotheslines him to the mat! He catches Strutter coming in with a dropkick, sending him right out to the floor! COLE Nice dropkick, catching Strutter coming out of nowhere! Reject attempts an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf drops down, then Reject ducks a clothesline, but runs right into a AA SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Alf with a great spinebuster, and the tide has turned just like that! Alf gets to his feet, and sets up the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111, but Reject pushes him off! COLE Alf was going for the Sharpshooter, but Reject able to avoid it! Reject catches Alf coming back with a drop toehold, then Strutter hops in and goes for a clothesline, but Reject ducks, and Reject hiptosses him right over the top to the floor! Reject then turns around, right into a SUPERKICK~! from Alf! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf picks up Reject, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And Alf could be setting him up here! COLE Nope, he's tagging Strutter! Strutter steps in after receiving the tag, and whips Reject into the ropes. Reject ducks a clothesline, but gets caught with a flying cross chop! (Think Tanaka of the Orient Express) COACH Wow, what a move that was! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf tags back in, and assists Strutter in an Irish whip, catching Reject with a double elbow! COLE And now nice teamwork being shown here by Alf and Strutter! Alf drops a snap legdrop, then backs Reject into his corner and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then taunts TK on the apron, which allows Strutter to wrap the tag rope around Reject's throat! COLE And now Reject being choked with that tag team rope, while the referee is distracted by Alf and TK! COACH That's OLD SCHOOL, son! Alf then grabs Reject and executes a fisherman's suplex! 1... 2... Kickout! Alf tags in Strutter, who again whips Reject into the ropes. Reject ducks a clothesline, then stops and floors Strutter with a spinkick! COLE Great kick by Reject, and now he needs to tag! Both men inch towards their corner, as the crowd wants TK to get the tag. Strutter makes the tag to Alf, who jumps in and drives an axhandle to Reject before he can do the same. Alf then spits at TK, drawing him into the ring. COACH TK's making a mistake! Strutter comes in, and he and Alf execute a double front suplex! Strutter then rolls Reject over and covers him, putting his feet on the ropes... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH Strutter with his feet on the ropes there... COLE Not only that, there was no tag made! 1... 2... Shoulder up, then back down! 1... 2... The referee finally catches Strutter's feet on the ropes, and knocks them off! Strutter gets to his feet and pushes the referee, who responds by shoving Strutter right to the mat! COLE And even the referee getting involved in this one! Strutter stares down the referee for a second, then executes a backbreaker on Reject, before tagging Alf once again. Alf goes right over and antagonizes TK once again, as Strutter pulls a pair of brass knuckles out of his tights. Alf holds Reject, as Strutter loads up...but Reject slips out, and Alf gets clocked with the knucks! COLE Reject needs to tag! Reject connects with a savate kick on Strutter, knocking him through the ropes to the floor! COACH And now, this is his best chance! Reject crawls over, and makes the tag to TK! COLE There it is! Listen to the Hawaiians! TK hammers away at the midsection of the groggy Alf, then whips him into the ropes and catches him with a PRESS SLAM~! COLE And TK VERY fresh, and VERY powerful! TK drops a knee to the sternum, and covers... 1... 2... NO! Strutter makes the save! Strutter backs TK into a corner, and attempts an Irish whip, but TK reverses, and Strutter winds up laying right across the corner of the ring! TK delivers a big kick to the midsection, and Strutter comes down straddling the ropes! COACH Oh, no! Alf catches TK with a T-BONE SUPLEX~! out of nowhere! COLE But Alf is still the legal MAN, and a T-Bone suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And now Strutter with the knuckles again on the outside! However, Strutter gets caught by Reject with a PLANCHA~! COLE But it's Reject coming back with a dive through the air! The referee admonishes the men on the floor as Alf attempts an Irish whip, but TK reverses. Alf ducks a clothesline, then runs into a BICYCLE KICK~! COLE And TK with that bicycle kick, and he says he's going to put him away! TK sets up the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111, but Strutter slides in around the referee and drills him with a shot with the knuckles! COLE Felix Strutter with the brass knuckles! Alf scales the ropes, as Reject rolls back into the ring. COACH Alf's going for the splash! Alf leaps off...but Reject catches him with a roundhouse to the midsection! COLE And Reject makes the save with a big kick! TK rolls to the apron, as the referee tries to put Alf out. COLE Felix Strutter back in now, behind the referee's back... Strutter takes a swing at Reject with the knucks, but Reject ducks...and catches him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE EULOGY~! Reject with the cover... The referee turns around at about the same time... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE We've got a winner! COACH I can't believe it! BUFFER The winners of the match...the team of THUNDERKID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! COLE Who ever thought we'd hear THAT announcement again, but there it is, as Reject leaves the ring victorious! Alf stares down Reject as he walks down the aisle. COACH Reject on a major roll headed into AngleSlam, you've got to say! Buffer slides everyone's belts into the ring, as Alf gets to his feet, and goes over to stomp on TK. Strutter slowly gets up to join him, then they pick him up and whip him into the ropes. TK ducks a double clothesline, and delivers one of his own, getting a huge reaction from the crowd! COLE It's not over yet! TK clotheslines Alf to the floor, then grabs his belt, and drills Strutter in the forehead with it! He then grabs Strutter's belt and holds both in the air while standing over him, as God of Thunder plays. COLE TK standing tall over "After Hours" Felix Strutter, but will it be the same story at AngleSlam, when those two men compete to crown an Undisputed Heartland champion? We'll find out in ten short days, from the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden! Cut to the bathroom (?). Colombian Heat is looking at himself in the mirror. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat is now shown wearing a white ENYCE hoodie. The OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt lies next to the sink. Heat blows a tuner. COLOMBIAN HEAT Me me me me me me. Heat blows the tuner again. HEAT Me me me me me me. Heat clears his throat. HEAT *AHEM!* *AHEM!* *AHEM!* Colombian Heat takes a deep breath to relax himself. HEAT Okay. Let's do this. Colombian Heat puts the tuner away and grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. He slings the belt over his left shoulder and then exits the bathroom through the door. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE Colombian Heat about to make his live performance debut coming up in just a few short moments! COACH Good thing I've got my earplugs. COLE Oh will you stop!? Fans, the Colombian Heat Rap Concert is coming up next right here on HeldDOWN~! right after these messages! COMMERCIAL BREAK

LAST WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! (Play Along...) Ominous music plays as we see clips from the Spanish Fly/James Riggs match with the stipulation being that if James Riggs wins, then Spanish Fly must unmask and reveal his face to the entire world. Cut to live backstage, where Colombian Heat is walking with Spanish Fly. The crowd cheers. Colombian Heat is in his wrestling gear and is carrying the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder, while Spanish Fly is wearing a white hoodie that says SPANISH FLY on the back in black blocky letters, white sweatpants, white Reebok sneakers, and a watch on his right wrist. Heat's and Fly's backs are turned towards the camera. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, Fly, it's a'ight, dawg. I's understands that youse is upset bout losin' yo mask last week. But don't worry, bro. I's got yo back forever, you understand? And I's also understands if youse don't wanna come out here tonight. It's a'ight. You don't half to, ya digg? You can just stay backstage for tha rest of tha night. Watch tha show from there. But, I'ma need you to introduce me later tonight when I go out there and perform for tha people, a'ight? I's need you to get tha crowd hyped up, you know what I'm sayin'? Get them fired up! Can youse do that for me? Please? Spanish Fly doesn't say anything. He simply stops...and nods his head. HEAT A'ight! Thanks, bro! I's owe you one! Props, kid! Okay, so I'ma go get ready. I'll see you later! Peace. Colombian Heat high fives Spanish Fly. Fly's long brown hair covers his face when he does this. Spanish Fly then puts the hood part of his hoodie over his head, opens the door, and walks away. Colombian Heat watches him go. When he's gone, Heat breathes a deep sigh. COLE Spanish Fly walking into the stadium without his mask for the first time in his career. But later on tonight, Colombian Heat will make his live performance debut! Stay tuned for that one, fans! The view is one of HeldDOWN's ring announcer Michael Buffer standing in the center of the squared circle, surrounded by Los Conquistadors. Playing in the background is the perennial jobbers' entrance theme Gold Dust Woman. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Introducing first from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico, the OAOAST gives to you the baddest men in Latin in America LOS CONQUESTIAAAADOORRS!! There's little in the way of crowd reaction for the pair. However, that doesn't prevent them from thumping their gloved fists against their chests in an act of manly defiance! BUFFER And the opponents.... No sooner then one second after Buffer's finishes his final syllable do the lights on the entrance stage sink into sensuous green shroud. Something special Unforgettable. Fiddy Cent (cent). Justiiin (tin). Timbaland (land), god damn (damn) Sh-sh-she want it, I want to give it to her She know dat, it's right here for her I wannna, see ya break it down I'm ballin', throw'n money 'round 50 Cent's union with Timberlake and Timbaland pumps into the legendary stadium, causing enthused fans to rise from their seat like a vibrant coastal wave. The entrance doors shred apart, and through the opening comes a trio of stunning Canadian hotties, Marvin, Melvin and Melody Nerdly. Attired in the amazingly titillating daisy duke shorts and tie up flannel shirt, Melody positions herself between her younger brothers, boasting a genuine smile that's an island wide. The Nerdly boys are far more reserved in their jubilation then their sister, putting on an air of confidence that's as cool as the Hawaii breeze. When their big sis points them towards the ring, they simply react with casual nods, and strut to the battlefield with their trademark cool. BUFFER Being accompanied by their sister Melody Nerdly, from The Real OC Newport Harbor, California they are former OAOAST tag team champions, now making their return to active competition! They are the SEXIEST BOYS YOU'VE EVER LAID EYES ON MARVIN AND MELVIN NERDLY, THE SKATER BOIIIIIIIZ! "YEAAAAAAA!" COLE Wow! That is one hell of a reaction! And I'm every bit as happy as these great fans to see Marvin and Melvin back in the OAOAST. The company hasn't been the same without them around! COACH Yeah, it's been good. Sunlight and shadow sink organically into the Boiz gorgeous figures as they strode past their adoring fans. With charming eyes hidden beneath sleek glasses, and lean physiques filling out heavily destroyed white jeans, Marvin and Melvin continue to exude an infectious arrogance. The dismissive attitude they display could never inform someone that they're about to wrestle their first match in nearly a year. COLE Folks, a very quick reminder for you, Angleslam comes to you live from Madison Square Garden on August twenty sixth. You can catch the Sk8r Boiz return to pay per view action as they match up against The Heavenly Rockers. And things got even more personal last week when The Boiz and Melody announced that Holly-Wood would be in their corner! Baby you're so new age, you like my new craze Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase The smokes got the club all hazy, spotlights don't do you justice baby Why don't you come over here? You got me saying Aayoooooh I'm tired of using technology, hey, why don't you sit down on top of me Aayooooooh I'm tired of using technology, hey, I need you right in front of me Ooh, she wants it, uh uh, she wants it Ooh, she wants it, uh uh (sooooo?), I got to give it to her Melody's flawlessly smooth legs stride across the ring apron, reducing the front row fans with the best view to slobbering and drooling dogs. But its the Boiz who command most of the attention, as they commemorate their return to OAOAST action by posing with fingers massaging six packed abs atop the turnbuckles. The boastful exhibition generates a gargantuan pop from the sold out venue. COACH I want you to listen to the Coach for a moment. The Boiz are trying to use this match as a warm up for when they battle The Rockers at Angleslam. Smarten up Nerdlies. The Rockers have been on the wrong end of some bad beatings many times before. But now the shoe is on the other foot, and that foot is bout to go right up some Nerdly ass at Angleslam. All the warm up matches in the world ain't gonna change that. COLE I disagree with that. When the Boiz have purpose, drive, motivation and intent, they can't be beat by any team in any wrestling promotion. DING DING DING DING The second the bell rings, Dos takes advantage of Marvin's inattentiveness by slamming his boot into the boi's washboard abs. With Marvin left groggy and dazed by the sudden strike, the Mexican darts towards ropes. Once he returns he slams his gold gloved forearm into Marvin's throat, bowling him over, and robbing him of breath. Leaving the Canadian to grouse on the canvas, Dos takes off towards the ropes. But as he nears Marvin, he finds the ex-tag champion a recovered man, and gets hit with an inverted atomic drop for his miscalculations! As Dos clutches his mexican jumping beans, the Nerdly boy's black tennis shoes carry him into the ropes. Yet his return is cursed with disaster as Dos catches him with a powerbomb! He hooks Marvin's outside leg for a pin that's scored by Clem Buzzlefoxer... ONE TWO Marvin kicks out, and the fans are thrilled as a result! He quickly scurries to his feet, but but is ring rust slows his movement and puts him under fire from a bevy of knife edge chops. The slaps come hard and heavy, dancing across Marvin's chiseled chest, leaving bright red welts on his tanned skin as they shove him into a neutral corner. With The Marv stuck against the posts, Dos clamors atop the second turnbuckle in order to paste his rival with a flood of punches. However not a single blow lands thanks to The Marv hastily shoving his rival away! Dos lands on his feet with expert agility, and promptly eyes revenge with a corner lariat. However, right as he nears, Marv locks his legs around his PVC leggings and introduces him to the bottom post with a drop toe hold! Dos' screams of terror are immediate, but are quickly brushed into nothingness by the mighty cheer of the crowd. "Hawaii," Marvin begins, "I wanna hear ya moan just a lil bit!" "OOOOOOOH" the females (and more then a couple males!) purr. Unfortunately Marvin's moment of basking in the erotic adulation comes with severe pitfalls; Uno is able to sneak into the ring undetected and drop him to the canvas with a forearm! Before referee Buzzlefoxer even has a second to contemplate how the previously jovial Marvin became a moaning heap, Dos is overtaking the hunk with an Oklahoma roll... ONE But Marvin kicks out long before the two count. "YEAAAAA!" Now bursting with aggravation, the hunky grappler rips his body off the canvas and terrorizes Dos with a parade of closed fist. The tremendous power of the blows pulls droplets of red from the black lined lips of the luchadore, and causes Buzzlefoxer to plead with Marv to cease illegal strikes. The Boi happily agrees to the request, but does so only to slam a dropkick into his foe's chest, knocking the hapless loser through the ropes! COLE Marvin didn't look so sharp when the match first started, but it looks like he's feeling it now. And if you're a Boiz fan that has to be good news. COACH I got some news for you! Come Angleslam these two can't afford any ring rust, or to be off their guard at any point or the match. Or else The Rockers are gonna eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. With his vision blurred, and mouth bleeding profusely, Dos can scarcely manage to will himself upright. Once his weary bones claim that minor achievement, they're dragged through the skies courtesy of Marvin's hip toss. With a thundering thud the luchadore's carcass crashes into the canvas, bringing applause from the sold out Aloha stadium. Again, Dos exerts a Herculean effort to stand, but the downpour of stomps from the crowd favorite keeps his corpse glued to the mat. COLE Marvin is really giving it to Dos, but I bet you a million dollars he wishes that was Synth or Logan. Never one to pass up an opportunity to delight his millions of female admirers, Marv positions himself above Dos like a Greek God towering over a puny mortal. Wth Dos looking on envious admiration, Marvin's Adonis worthy physique bumps and grinds its way into the sexual fantasies of billions worldwide. Splendid rays of the coastal sun kiss a body that appears to have been carved out flawless stone, creating an image of a diety dancing beneath the gates of Heaven. For Dos, however, the experience is worse then being consumed by the fires of hell, as Marvin drops down and obliterates his face with elbow strikes! "SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!" COLE I hope The Rockers are watching closely and planning a good strategy. Otherwise, we're in for a real short match at Angleslam! Satisfied with the beating laid upon his foe, Marvin applies the tag to his twin. The excited cheers for Melvin's arrival saturates the tropical air, and affixes a thin grin onto his handsome face. Dos tries to erase that smile with a charging forearm, but meets with typical failure as Melvin side steps his charge and shoves him into the corner posts. Clutching his chest with his right hand, the nauseated luchadore teeters backwards into the waiting arms of his rival. In one super swift motion, Melvin pulverizes Dos with a front Russian leg sweep! Figuring that the move was so nice it has to be done twice, Melvin rolls through and hits it again! A pin follows... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Amazingly, Dos kicks out. He scrambles to his feet, where he meets a fast rising Melvin with a knee to the gut. Taking advantage of Melvin's wounded state, Dos grabs onto his flowing brown locks and uses them as a whip to snap his body to canvas. Apparently that nanosecond of competency is more then enough for Dosey-doe, and he makes a quick tag to Uno. Uno promptly picks up where his partner left off, that is by being astoundingly terrible at his chosen profession. He springboards into the ring with an axe handle smash, but places his face right into the trajectory of Melvin's wheel kicking boots! Nursing a now bleeding mouth, Uno tries to not only scamper out of the ring, but out of the arena, the city, the Island, the state, the country, and the entire continent. Unfortunately, he gets about as far as the ropes before Melvin roughly hauls him upright. The luchadore pleads for some manner of mercy, but being that Melvin speaks not a word of Espagnol, these cries are wasted and he's launched into the ropes. As he nears Melvin he flies forward with a forearm. Yet the fast moving legs of his rival cut his efforts to shreds with an axe kick. In celebration of his achievement, Melvin flexes his beautiful muscles, a sight so heavenly it leads any man with even the slightest curiosity in homosexuality to cancel his subscription to Maxim, rip down his Jessica Alba poster, redecorate his apartment in an earth pastel theme, throw away any jeans that aren't two sizes too short at the waist, and shop at the Gap. COACH No dis on Uno and Dos, but The Rockers are way above these guys. If you wanna prepare for playing The Mets you don't do it by playing some Double A softball team, you go against the best so you can be ready to fight the best. Still under the illusion that he may someday be able to win a match, Uno battles to his feet. Yet no sooner then one second after standing is he locked into a rear waistlock! But speedily surprises the over confident Melvin with a standing switch. Sensing a window of opportunity, Uno charges he and his victim to the ropes in hopes of securing a rollup. But like so many things in Dos' life (the Journey coverband, the infamous mangina incident, and the attempt to mate with a snapping turtle), this is an utter failure. Melvin simply hooks his arms around the ropes, causing Uno to comically tumble backwards. But the resilient brawler hops to his feet and dashes towards the Canadian stud muffin. Marvin greets his charge by dipping low and flipping him over the ropes! In what can only be described as an act of numerous gods, Uno lands on his feet! And off he goes to the turnbuckles! And off the turnbuckles he comes with a cross body block! And onto Marvin's shoulders he lands! And into the canvas he goes courtesy of a michinoku driver! Buzzlefoxer counts the pinfall! UNO! DOS! DOS! Why "DOS!" again? Is Clem's long term memory loss so severe that he can't even count past two, yet can still somehow count in a foregin language? Yes. But its also for Dos diving into the ring to break up the fall. See; inevitable, delaying of. As the fans jeer his actions, New Mexico's least favorite son drags Melvin off the canvas by his flashy gold necklace. He slashes a pair of knife edge chops into his chest, weakening the skater enough to attempt an irish whip. But, Melvin foils these efforts, by using his strength to reverse the hold. Instead of sending Dos on a trip to the cables, he draws him forward and spikes his knee into his midsection. Immediately, Dos is doubled over in agony, and a wealth of Spanish profanities spill from his lipsticked mouth. He'd like to force his battered body upright to put himself on equal footing with his rival, but his movement is hindered by the leg that's draped over his his neck. "Dos is a done deal, dudes!" Melvin proclaims, earning a "MELVIN!" chant from the stadium crowd. COLE You heard Melvin, the end is near for Los Conquistadors! Moving with acute quickness, Melvin whirls his body to the right, forcing Dos' frame to be jerked in the same direction. While Melvin anticipates his fall, and properly braces for it, Dos is not so fortunate, and encounters a horrifying collision with the mat at the hands of Melvin's Rick Roll (play of the day)! Melody and the audience are ecstatic and burst with chants of, Not wishing to miss out on the fun, Marvin enters the ring and swiftly accosts the fallen Uno with a front facelock. He an Melody direct a less then subtle insult towards the Rockers by stealing their infamous finger twirl taunt. Finally he drives the dagger deeper into the Rockers' massive ego by crushing Uno with a Percussion DDT! "YEAAAAAA!" COLE The Sk8r Boiz got at The Rockers with that one! COACH What a disrespectful insult that is! Typical of people from Edmonton, can't achieve jack shit on your own, so you have to bring down and mock those with more success and fortune then you. COLE Edmonton? I thought they were from Newport Harbor? While Coach and Cole debate the true hometown of the Skater Boiz, the Edmonton and/or Newport Harbor residents go for a double pin. The now standing audience counts along with each strike of the mat.... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! The Boiz music returns to the forefront of the arena, and with it come the roar of thousands of thrilled fans. Matching their joy is Melody Nerdly, who dives into the ring to give her brothers celebratory hugs. Once the embrace is over, she foists their arms into the sky as all three Nerdly children beam prideful smiles towards their enthused fanbase. The mirthful mood of the wrestlers and the fans is tempered mightily once the camera suddenly switches towards The Heavenly Rockers, relaxing in the mezzanine level of the stadium. Attired in Las Vegas Thunder hockey jerseys, and munching on hot dogs, both men hold a microphone, but don't seem in a hurry to chat. The audience members nearest them look to give them a piece of their mind, but are halted by the aggressive dominance of The Rockers many security guards. Greatly annoyed by the appearance of his rivals, Marvin leans over the ropes and demands that they explain their presence. The only response he gets is an order to wait until they finish their hot dogs. "ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK!" the audience chants, led on by the equally aggravated Melody. After twenty solid seconds of savoring his dee-lish hot dog, Logan addresses the hateful masses. MANN Applause, applause, applause all around! If I wasn't too concerned about keeping my vocal chords in shape for our next concert, I'd be breaking out the Sk8 or Die chant right this very instant! Because, man, you two cats deserve it! That performance? That performance was riveting, earth shaking, a top to bottom tour de force! The Nerdly kids aren't buying Logan's compliments. MANN (to the audience) Give thanks, you degenerate island savages! Give thanks because what you just saw was wrestling performance greatness! We're looking at wrestling's version of Hendrix at the Monterey Pop Music Festival, The Pumpkins at the MTV music video awards, or Nirvana killing it on SNL. SYNTH Or Melody on the street corner! MANN Uncalled for Synth, absolutely uncalled for. And, Melody, from my heart to your ears, I apologize for my bandmate's unwarranted and hurtful cheap shots. I love ya, Melo. I think you're awesome. You're a fun loving, happy go lucky, barelll of laughs. I know that when I heard your announcement that my ditch pig Midwestern trailer slut soon to be ex-wife would be at your side at Angleslam I almost fell off the couch laughing! Thankfully I was surrounded by a dressing room full of drugged up Brazilian supermodels ready to keep MTV's favorite rockstud from plummeting to the floor. That's right, Hawaii, no more freckle faced, red headed, flat chested, stick figures for me, now it's only the phatest dimes South America has to offer. Enraged by Logan's comments towards Holly, Melody actually challenges him to a fight! SYNTH Boiz, L-Mann and Da Synthantor are the crown princes of the rock n roll scene! Da last livin' link to the hell raisin, ass kickin', take no prisoners, balls to the wall style of rock n roll from days gone by! And ain't nobody but nobody gonna out do us on any level! Ya'll bring out Holly-Wood as a surprise and expect us to get shook over that? Dat fire crotch ho ain't nothing to us, Boiz! Ain't nothing. Ya see, when it comes down to shocking and awing we got ya beat. We got ya beat real bad. 'Cause we went and got us a surprise for Angleslam to! COLE What?! Much like Cole, The Nerdlies and the crowd react with great shock. MANN I think they want us to let the kitty cat out the bag, Synth. SYNTH Dat so? You wanna know what the surprise is? Alright, Synth'll tell you what it is. Its a surprise that's gonna rock your punk ass world! Now deal wit dat you bitch made motherfuckers! With that rude demand, the Rockers discard their microphone and allow their security guards to escort them from the premises. COLE Folks, how about that? It seems every week Angleslam just keeps getting better and better! Folks, we'll be back with more after this! OAOAST ANGLESLAM 2007 START SPREADIN' THE NEWS, BECAUSE THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW AUGUST 26th We move further into the evening as HeldDOWN~! returns with the C&C Announcing Factory, Michael Cole and The Coach, greeting us from Sofa Central. COLE Last week, a technical snafu early in our broadcast saw the planned AngleSlam press conference not go as expected, as video transmission from the site of the conference was blacked out for several minutes. We've heard heard from or will hear from the three participants at various points tonight, and right now we're going to show you this video package on one of those men. Take a look at the Franchise of our company, Zack Malibu. ZACK MALIBU ON: CAPTURING HIS FIRST WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. ...ANGLE SLAM...NO! NO! ZACK slips out, LANDING ON ONLY HIS LEFT LEG! ZACK LANDED ON ONE LEG! Kick to the gut...POP DROP! POP DROP! ZACK MALIBU COVERS! 1... 2... 3! * DING DING DING * "Winning that World Title at Anglemania II...man, I don't know if any feeling can come close to what I felt at that moment. To make history not only that night, but over the years by being a part of this company's growth...that's irreplaceable." ZACK MALIBU ON: FIGHTING CHAMPIONS, FRIENDS AND FOES. Zack speeds down the hallways in the custom made forklift made popular by he and his friends The Boogie Knights at one point. Zack hops off, and throws the food-covered Edward Robins onto the lift, and then drives off, raising him up off the ground. Zack drives through the entranceway and out to the arena, lifting Edward even higher up, so that the lift is sticking over the top rope and into the ring. Zack climbs off the Spirit Lifter and onto the apron, and looks out to the crowd, while Edward dangles in the air, hanging off of the forklift blades. Malibu goes to the top rope, all the while keeping his focus on Edward. MC:"What is he doing?" With Edward half-off the forklift blades, Zack jumps up, soaring through the air and hitting a Guillotine Legdrop, taking Edward off the forklift blades with it! Coach:"YO!" Both men crash to the canvas, as the fans start chanting "Holy Shit" at the spot. The referee watches both of them, and finally Zack rolls over, just barely getting his body in position to pin his opponent. The referee makes the count... 1! 2!! 3!!! "Having that World Title, though...it's both a blessing and a curse. Here you are, representing a company on the fast track to becoming legendary. You've got to be a fighting champion and nothing less, because everyone...friend, foe, even the fans, want what you have. Having that belt did wonders for my career, but it tore apart relationships. It ripped The In Crowd apart. The ironic thing is that Caboose and Anglesault, the guy I nearly beat for the World Title and the guy I won my first one from, became two of my best friends in the business. When I first came here, a lot of people thought I was just another prettyboy, trying to get attention. Going to hell and back with those two showed not only them, but the world that I was for real." ZACK MALIBU ON: THE ANGLESLAM CURSE. Calvin pulls Zack to his feet, and mouths something to him...THEN TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE~! ZACK MALIBU IS BEING HUNG~! The referee slides out of the ring frantically, trying to undo Zack from the cable. Calvin climbs up the ladder steadily, making it to the next to last step, and reaching up, the OAOAST Title Belt swaying in the breeze. The referee frees Zack from his grip, and Zack collapses to the deck, out of breath and near-faint, as the referee looks into the ring... AND SEES CALVIN SZECHSTEIN GRAB THE OAOAST WORLD TITLE BELT~! "I don't know if I'm cursed, but I know that I just can't seem to gain a victory at Angleslam. In 2003, I lost my World Title to Calvin Szechstein..." The crowd roars as Zack and Crystal land...but Crystal tucks and rolls backwards just as she crashes...AND COMES UP WITH MALIBU'S LEGS IN HER ARMS~! THE CRYSTALLING IS LOCKED ON~!!!!!!!!! "...the next year, I lost the World Title again, to Crystal." ...BECAUSE DREK STONE SLAMS THE HEAD OF ZACK MALIBU INTO THE CANVAS WITH A FALLING STAR DRIVER! COLE That spiteful sonuvabitch! Drek nearly passes out from exerting so much energy, but rolls over and still hooks a leg, even though the bloody Malibu is completely blacked out. ONE! TWO! THREE! "2005 was an interesting year, because you had the friction in the company. The whole dynamic of the latter half of that year saw this company in what I'd call the worst shape it was ever in. Drek Stone beat me at Angleslam two years ago, and I'd have accepted that just fine, just like I have with other losses. People say that that night is what led me to hate him so much, but it's not. He beat me in the center of the ring...it was his actions afterwards that caused all the turmoil." ZACKMALIBU ON: THE PAST YEAR. Angleslam 2006. Blank drops to his knees, and pulls Malibu's head up, the cameras catching the grisly visual of Zack, with his eyes squinted shut, drenched in blood. Blank wipes his hand across Malibu's forehead, staining his own hand with some of Zack's blood, and LICKS IT, before spitting it back in Malibu's face and dropping him down again! He comes over again and reaches out for Blank, but as soon as Bruce feels him, he spins around, grabbing one of the small monitors off the announce desk as he does... *WHAM~!* ...AND HE BLASTS ZACK MALIBU ACROSS THE HEAD WITH IT! "One year ago, at Angleslam, I took on the man that I would call my toughest opponent and not think twice about it. That match, that whole feud with Bruce Blank brought things to a new level. What you saw go on between us was the very definition of a blood feud, sometimes literally. When you go after me it's one thing, that's the way this business goes. But when you go after my girlfriend, and my DAUGHTER, you're crossing the line. Bruce Blank wasn't afraid to cross lines, and he wasn't afraid to take pain in order to dish out more. The fact that I retired him from this company ranks right up there with any title win you can name, because I felt that not only did I redeem myself and my family, but I spared other superstars from becoming victims of his psychotic tendencies." School's Out 2007. Zack pushes him away, right into Anglesault, who shoves Stone forward RIGHT INTO SCHOOL'S OUT~! COLE HE GOT HIM! COME ON ZACK~! Zack falls on top of Drek Stone, and Anglesault, still favoring himself with one hand, uses the other one to do the one thing people have been waiting to see all night. ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! "Earlier this year I also managed to eliminate another problem. Winning the World Title for the third time meant as much as it did the first time, maybe moreso because finally the fans knew the belt was around the waist of someone who cared about it. We've gone over Drek Stone so much in the past, it's repetitive to drag it on. Suffice to say, I promised that I'd restore the honor to that championship. Guys we've talked about here tonight, like Anglesault and Caboose...we paved the way for this current generation of superstars. A lot of guys have come and gone in this company, but the legacies remain." ZACK MALIBU ON: HIS ANGLESLAM OPPONENTS. Favoring the ribs, Malibu keels over and winds up scooped up again, onto Landon's shoulders, before La Cucaracha decides to put him to bed. GO 2 SLEEP ON ZACK MALIBU~! COLE No, COME ON! This is robbery! This was a premeditated assault! Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE NO! I don't believe it...this can't be happening! "Landon Maddix got one over on me. I'll admit it to the face of anyone who asks. Does that mean I think highly of him, or respect him? Not one bit. Landon Maddix outsmarted me, but that's all the credit I'm gonna give him. He took advantage of an opportunity, and some people think it was the cheap way out, but the fact is that if any of them had that contract to cash in without notice, they'd have done it too. Tha Puerto Rican was looking to do the same thing to me, but Landon cut him off at the past. Landon Maddix in one night outsmarted two longtime OAOAST stars, myself included, and got himself a World Championship. What Landon fails to realize though is that not only has he painted that target on his back by winning the World Title, but he's got TWO people breathing down his neck at the same time. Tha Puerto Rican and I have never, ever faced off one on one. In all our accomplishments, in all our time in this federation, he and I had never truly crossed paths until this situation came about. Landon Maddix, he's the last holdover from The Wildcards feud...the most intense, brutal feud that this promotion ever saw. Sure, Todd Cortez is still around, but look what happened there. I went outside of the box again. I outsmarted Landon AND Tha Puerto Rican at Syndicated. Do you think Landon's ego could handle that? Do you think Tha Puerto Rican liked having his back against the wall like that? Just like they showed me what they're capable of, I'm able to keep them on their toes. We're going to be in New York in less than two weeks, with that World Title on the line. Do I worry about the "Angleslam Curse"? No. Do I worry about what Landon Maddix or Tha Puerto Rican have up their sleeve? No. You know why? Because time and time again, I've proven that I'm at my best when my back is against the wall. So if Landon's going to take the cheap way out to try and cling to that belt, let him try. If the whole damn Lightning Crew wants to try and beat me down to soften me up, bring them on. Those two did what not many can claim to do...they brought Zack Malibu down a notch. Now, they'll have to live with the consequences. Angleslam's creeping up on us, boys, and only one thing is for certain...come hell or high water, we're going to make history. If you expect to be the last man standing, you'd best bring your A-game, because I know I am." FADE OUT.

Don't let pussy Lilo and Stitch fool you, Hawaii is a way hard state, I would not readily fuck with anyone who claims it. Only a soft bitch would hold a show indoors in Hawaii, so this show is at the Aloha Stadium. do not call opening segment or there is a better then average chance I will soul clap you out of this hemisphere. unless you're from Hawaii, in which case i didnt mean it like that.

shocking! The press conference segments can be edited in wherever. I didn't put in the PRL press conference thing because it said its part of a series, and I don't know how the series is supposed to be laid out or how many are forthcoming.