Patty O'Green

Three Titles HI-YAH Tag Team Championship, WDW Tag team Championship, OAOAST World Tag Team Championship All alike in dignity In fair Minneapolis where we lay our scene From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean From forth the fatal brawl of these six foes The Heavenly Rockers WDW Tag Team Champions Team Heyross HI-YAH Tag Team champions The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew D*LUX The South Central Militia OAOAST world tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks A group of star-crossed titles are unified One and Only World Tag Team Championship HeldDOWN~! August 2nd, Minneapolis, Minnesota Tag Team Scramble Cage Match to crown the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. The video ends with an image of Logan Mann standing in the center of war stricken city, screaming into the sky. There's a powerful rise of violence within the music followed by a wrenching end. Cut to Maria at the HeldDOWN~! interview set. MARIA Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion, COLOMBIAN HEAT! Colombian Heat appears in the shot. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat is in his wrestling attire, in addition to wearing tons of jewelry and his sunglasses. Colombian Heat is holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He checks Maria out. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo. Yo. Wat up. Damn girl. You is one fine young chica. Youse a fly honey. I like to get me some of that, lil' mama. MARIA Lil' Mama? I LOVE Lil' Mama! My lipgloss is poppin'! My lipgloss is cool! All the boys they see me/They chase me after school! Maria then starts doing the Running Man, garnering a huge laugh from the crowd and Colombian Heat. HEAT HA HA HA! I's loves me a girl wit a sense of humour! MARIA So, Colombian Heat, can I call you Colombian? HEAT You can call me anything youse want, suga. MARIA Great! So Colombian Heat, this Saturday on the Saturday night OAOAST Syndicated, you're going to be taking on James Riggs. And if James Riggs wins, then you'll have to take on Riggs AGAIN at AngleSlam...only this time it'll be for the OAOAST 24/7 Title. Have I got that right? Heat nods his head. MARIA Cool! So, what are you thinking about heading into this matchup? Are you worry you might have to face him two times instead of once? HEAT Maria, I's ain't worried about a thang! Whateva happens, happens. If I's beats James Riggs this Saturday, cool, if I's lose, then I ain't gonna be happy, but I'ma man, and I'ma be ready to take him on and defend mah Title at AngleSlam! I've been blessed wit a once-in-a-lifetime opprotunity, so I's ain't gonna take it for granted. Anytime I defend dis Title, I'm on my feet ready and willing to go. And if a match happens at AngleSlam, then shawti, it ain't gonna be any different. James Riggs wants some, then he can come GET SOME! The crowd cheers. Heat adjusts the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. HEAT JR thinks he's got mah number. But dawg, you ain't got nothin'! See, there's alot more than what'chu see in Colombian Heat. I's got me some hidden talents. MARIA Me too! Like I can play a flute with my va-- Heat puts his left hand up in Maria's face. The crowd laughs. HEAT Let's save that for later. When it's just you and me. MARIA Ohhhhhh. Okay! *Giggles* Heat chuckles to himself. HEAT Where was I? Oh yes. James Riggs, I's got me some hidden talents. Just when youse think youse got me, BAM! I unleashed mah hidden talents, and shock the hell out of you! So James Riggs and JR Nation, all two of you, go ahead and do your worst this Saturday. Hell, try and do your worst at AngleSlam if we even get that far. It don't matter. Because James Riggs, whether it's on OAOAST Syndicated or at AngleSlam 2007, sooner or later, you will feel the Heat UP IN THIS-- CROWD BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCHHHHHHH~! HEAT Hells yeah! Heat turns his attention to Maria. HEAT And dat's it. As for you, I'ma staying at-- Heat whispers what is presumbly his hotel room number to Maria. Maria smiles. HEAT A'ight? Peace. See you later, baby gurl. Colombian Heat winks at Maria. Maria giggles. Heat winks to the camera. He walks away with a swagger in his step. Maria watches him go, staring at his ass. MARIA Guys, back to you. HE IS SO HOT! Maria has to fan herself, she is so hot for Colombian Heat. COLE Looks like Maria got more than what she bargained for with that interview! COACH I don't get it. Colombian Heat talks to her once, and she's puddy in his hands. I've known her for two years now, and how far do I get? Nowhere! COLE Coach, asking Maria if she wants to 'Ride the Chocolate Sausage' isn't such a good pickup line. COACH Well, it is to me. COLE That is why you fail. COACH I'd dis you back, but the hobo manning the production truck says we gotta wrap it up because a dude is squatting in his boxcar and he needs to throw down with his switch blade. We'll see you from London, England with Syndicated. COLE Good night!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD No, introductory video tonight, because apparently the entire production department decided to catch an early flight to England, leaving a hobo strung out on LSD who wandered in the vacant truck to handle the duties. So, we go right to announce team. The announce team that is currently asleep. COACH Huh....what? Awww, shit, wake up, Cole. Wake up, son! COLE What? What? Damn it, Coach. A six pound bacon cheeseburger stuffed between the lean thighs of Justin Timberlake. Don't you ever wake me up from that dream again! Uh, so anyway, welcome to HeldDOWN! Bit of a lean show tonight. Most of our performers have already departed for England, meaning we won't bee seeing too much in ring action..... COACH There are about sixty useless clowns on this roster, and maybe sixteen singles titles. You're telling me they all needed to get across the globe two or three days early for a show they ain't even on? Must of these dudes get maybe four matches a year. They should be leaping at an opportunity to compete without having to worry about being overshadowed! While Coach rants and raves, we scan towards the entry area where Big Things Poppin' is already playing, as we find James Blonde and his erstwhile Samoan partner Faqu on their way to the ring. BUFFER This tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing, team number one. First from Vancouver, British Columbia and weighing in at two hundred pounds... JJJAAAAAMMMEEEEEESSS... BBLLLLLOOOOONNDDEEEEEE!! And his tag team partner. Hailing from the Isle of Samoa! He weighs in tonight at three hundred and one pounds... FFFAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUU!!! A mixed reception greets the duo as they make their way down the aisle. Blonde leads the way making a confident speech to the nearest camera, leaving Faqu trailing slowly behind. The big Samoan looks stoicly ahead as he climbs the steps. BUFFER And in the ring. First, two hundred ten pounds, from Miami, Florida, TJ MASON! And his partner, from Davenport, Iowa, one hundred eighty six pounds, CAMERON COLE! The two rookies soak up their moment in the spotlight, Wilson letting out a load roar to the cameras as Cole waves to his fellow Iowa natives. Their youthful exuberance doesn't last long once Faqu makes the apron though. Both the unknowns watch on wide-eyed as Faqu steps into the ring and shoots a death glare in their direction. COLE We saw Faqu and Blonde a couple of weeks ago and they were impressive in their victory over Los Diablos De Fuego. And we also saw a different attitude out of these two former HI-YAH superstars. Now, I spoke to them both earlier... well, I saw 'both', I spoke to James Blonde, who also spoke for his partner. And needless to say, they are both very bitter over the takeover of their previous employers, HI-YAH Promotions, by the OAOAST. COACH Can you blame them? Shit's getting out of hand Michael, AngleSault's got some sort of power fix goin' on. First he buys up HI-YAH, now he's buying up WDW, putting people out of work, changing people's lives with the stroke of a pen. And now, guys like Faqu and James Blonde gotta come back to an already over-crowded locker room of like 85 people who get one match every month and a half? Faqu was the HI-YAH Champ for over a year! He was the man! Now, none of it counts for jack! I don't blame them for being pissed. Giving his partner a pat on the back, Blonde agrees to let his partner start. The short straw seems to have been drawn by Cameron Cole on the opposite side. *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Hey, this guy isn't a relative of yours, is he? COLE Not that I'm aware of. Cole bravely walks out of his corner and approaches Faqu, waiting for a lock-up. But Faqu has other ideas, knocking him down flat with an open handed thrust to the throat! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH You know, maybe you should look into it, you might be his next of kin. With Cole left looking up at the lights, Faqu glances over at Wilson. He holds his hands up in penance, as slowly Faqu reaches down and drags Cole to his feet. An irish whip sends Cole forcefully into a neutral corner, so forcefully infact that the already weakened rookie falls back on his ass, sat up against the bottom turnbuckle. And with a loud cry of "SAMOA!", Faqu charges in after his opponent, driving his posterior into Cole's face at full speed!! COACH WOAH! COLE Man, Cameron Cole's head snapped back violently on that move. Where the hell did that come from!? COACH Samoa? Once his head ceases rolling around his shoulders, Cole goes limp against the buckle. Faqu drags him right out and to his feet though, scooping and slamming the youngster down before tagging in the eager James Blonde. Blonde goes straight for Wilson for some reason though, bumping him off the apron before going after Cole. The unneccessary tactic doesn't even draw Wilson into the ring, not that Blonde really cares, as he drops a Double Stomp across the chest of Cole and covers, lazily... 1... 2... No! COLE Not enough, this kid has got that fighting Cole family spirit in him! Blonde shrugs it off and tags Faqu back into the match. A little unprepared for being tagged back in so soon, Faqu takes a second to get into the ring, allowing Cole to start crawling to his corner. A slow, pained crawl, Faqu just strolling past Cameron and kicking him IN THE FACE before he can reach his corner. COACH YO~! COLE Now that was a little unneccessary. However, for some reason, Faqu then picks up and pitches Cole into the corner anyway, allowing the tag to be made. Happy for whatever small mercies he's given, Wilson rushes right into the ring ready to take over... ...and gets bowled over with a hard clothesline from the Samoan Wrecking Ball! COLE Seems like Faqu wants some fresh competition, if that's the right word in this situation. Which it isn't. Gamely getting back to his feet, Wilson at least puts up a fight and throws a forearm. He gets caught by the throat though and shoved back into the enemy corner, Faqu engulfing him in there with an Avalanche a second later! Tag is made and Blonde is legal again. With Wilson still stuck in the corner, behind Faqu's 300 plus pound frame, Blonde gets a run-up from across the ring. Clothesline in the corner, followed up by a Bulldog out of it and James Blonde quickly tells his partner to put the finishing touches on the helpless Wilson, the big Samoan dropping across the spine with a Big Splash and crushing the Floridian! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Damn, that's like a house falling on you! Or at the very least, a pretty large mobile home. Still the beating isn't over though. Blonde sits TJ back up and leans down on the neck, while passing instructions to Faqu. COLE This is nothing more than for display purposes right now. Faqu and Blonde are sending out a message to the OAOAST locker room, through these two young prospects. COACH I don't think these kids have many prospects anymore. Real estate maybe. With the message getting across, Blonde finally pulls TJ up to his feet, dragging him into a short knee to the gut and passing him off. Faqu takes Wilson in with a double underhook and takes him up... ...and DOWN with a Butterfly Piledriver, just spiking the rookie on his head!! COACH Now, that's a message I'd heed. COLE Ditto. Faqu presses Wilson down, no sign of his partner to save... 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* Faqu stands over Wilson and lets out a guttaral roar as his partner strolls over, patting him on the back before tapping his wrist, a not so subtle hint to the referee to raise it in victory. BUFFER Your winners of the match... JAMES BLONDE and FAAAAAQQQUUUUUUUU!!! COLE Dominant, just about the only word to sum that up. James Blonde and Faqu making a big statement here in Des Moines tonight at the expense of what was admittedly some 'lesser' competition. COACH No kidding. One of them was called 'Cole', which is your last name! COLE Thanks for letting me in on that tidbit. As Blonde and Faqu walk away from the carnage left in the ring, Blonde calls over the nearest TV camera. Leaning across the shoulder of the deeply breathing Samoan next to him, a smile fills the face of The Mover From Vancouver. And with a raise of the eyebrows, he ominously warns that this was "just a sign of things to come." before he and Faqu walk off. COLE Hope you enjoyed that match, because you won't be seeing another until Saturday! COMMERICAL The view switches backstage where everyone's favorite bumbling henchman, Simon Singleton, is busy to do what he does best; bumbling. Dressed in white slacks, a bright orange dress shirt, and green lens oversized glasses he fruitlessly fumbles with his Siclopse. Ignoring his pitiful plight is his partner, Ned Blanchard. Blanchard is bedecked in a rose colored suit, black and blue polka dot tie, and over sized yellow lens glasses. Ned seems preoccupied with admiring his handsome visage in the mirror. SIMON Gee whiz, Nedders, it's great and all that Jade and Mackenzie get a tag title shot, but wouldn't it have been awesome if we could fight for the belts? NED Are you out your mind, man? We already have the six man titles, and stupid Syndicated squash match against the aneroxic Ron Jeremy and Making The Band aside, they are the easiest belts of them all to have. You get all the glory, all the money, and all the fame, with one hundred percent less of the work! Let the rest of the morons here slave away for those idiot fans' love, we've got it made in the shade. Work smart, not hard. Yeah, we get less respect from the stupids in the stands, but we still get all their money. Besides, given that we should beat Rodez and D*LUX in about three minutes, all our attention has got to be on that bra and panties match. SIMON Clean sweep for The Enterprise! Death to the lesbian monster! Death, I say! No quarter asked! None given! Alix and Krista disrobed! Jade and Mackenzie left fully clothed! Simon's exuberance is tempered by Ned's annoyance. NED Sometimes I wish I could just kick you down a flight of stairs. Listen, bro, Theo's put you and I, mostly me, because I have the working brain between us, in charge of seeing that this thing goes the way we want it to go. And the way we want it to go is towards as little clothing as possible. Now, if we play our cards right, and wrong, we could wind up with four hot honnies, near naked, and covered in sweat, and rolling around on the ground for our viewing delight. How's that sound? SIMON Why would you want Jade to lose her clothes? NED Jesus Christ in a taxi cab are you really that dumb? Showing that he's not that dumb, Simon nods his heads towards the camera, indicating Jade may be watching. Thusly, Ned has to scramble for an answer NED A wonderful query, friend, one I thank you eternally for asking! The reason we might want Jade to lose her clothes is so that she can triumph over adversity! So that her victory over her oppressors, Alix and Krista, can taste even sweeter! Imagine Jade on the brink of defeat, making one last surge for Alix's top, yanking it off, and capturing those tag team titles. Revenge, bro, revenge at it's hottest...I mean sexiest...I mean...you know what I meant. Suddenly a gorgeous young lady approaches Moneymaker's cronies. Her lush blond hair curls gracefully in front of bare shoulders. Baby faced cheeks frame an alluring smile that's decorated with shimmering lip gloss. Hazel eyes hint towards a strong sense of self confidence, but also to a bit of nervousness. GIRL Excuse me? Not wasting any time, Ned pulls the key to his hotel room out of his pocket and shoves it into the mystery girl's hand. NED Room 323 Renaissance Savery Hotel. When you get there have room service send up a bottle of whip cream, some cherries, and a few cans of Cheery Coke Zero, gotta keep the six pack going. Riding crop, and motion lotion are welcome but optional. And if you have any sisters, then baby, the room capacity is thirty persons, so bring 'em on up. GIRL Actually I have about nineteen sisters. NED Steady, Nedders. Steady! Hold on, did you say nineteen? What kind of satanic ovaries does your mother have?! Are you one of the Nerdly girls? GIRL Yeah! I'm Molly, and I'm a huge fan! NED (fluffing his rapidly thinning hair) Obviously. MOLLY NERDLY (dismissively) Ugh. I meant him. Ned starts swerving his head around, wondering who Molly could be talking about. NED Who? Simon? SIMON (talking to his reflection in the mirror) Mister Moneymaker says every time I touch myself at night the Jews' and coloreds get a dollar. NED Him?! Hey, bro, come on over here, there's a chick who's gotta eat you....meet you...I need to stop watching porn before I get on camera. Simon turns around to see Molly. SIMON Wow, Ned, you got me a hooker, and it's not even Kwanzaa! MOLLY I'm not the hooker, that's Monica, I'm Molly, and I'm a graduate film student from the Tisch School of Arts at NYU. And, Mister Singleton, without any exaggeration, you are definitely my favorite director of all time! I've been winning various film awards since I was a teenager, but one look at your movies, caused me to realize my entire body of work was substandard at best! Your fluid camera work captures the mise-en-scene in a way Mellieurs would've sold his own mother into the Franco-African slave trade to achieve! SIMON ( to Ned) Director? Camera? The bitch is crazy! Ned points to the Siclopse, which causes Simon a moment of clarity SIMON Ah.....hey, thanks, bout time the masters of modern technology started getting a little respect 'round here! MOLLY The way you only distribute your films by selling out of your car instead of joining in the rat race to whore out to shallow Hollywood dollars, is so Eisentstienen in it's revolutionary assault on bourgeoisie Western Cinema. I mean your latest film, Dog puking on Christian's shoees, with the intentional misspellings in the title, just speaks to a level of “shock stimuli” that agitates the audience's attention in way even the greatest early 20th century montage theorists couldn't achieve. The first time I watched that movie I was in an orgasmic rapture. I felt like Polish audiences when they first took in the harsh dogma so apparent in Wajda's A Generation. Forgive me I presume to much! A man of your talents probably views Wajda as primitive, jingoistic garbage! I guess I just exposed my naiveté, please don't judge me too harshly. SIMON My underwear smells like biscuits. NED (to himself) The only word in those eighty sentences I understood was orgasm, and that's the most important word of them all. (Turning to Molly). Hey, Molly, how would you like a job? MOLLY & SIMON A job? NED Sure, sure. More of an internship with Simon. Unpaid, of course, child support is hell these days, get a job like the rest of America you lazy little girl, but you'll learn more from this new wave counter-culture revolutionary then you'd ever learn sitting in some forty thousand dollar per semester diploma mill like NYU! This is your chance to learn from film making's finest, and get ten credit hours in the process. How about it? MOLLY That'd be awesome! But is it okay with you, Mister Singleton? SIMON Mister Moneymaker says I'm not allowed to have opinions of my own. NED He's kidding! Welcome aboard. Enterprise hug! SIMON Enterprise wha--- Before Simon can finish that final thought, Ned grabs both he and Molly into a enormous hug. He begins gliding his hand down Molly's back, heading towards the golden treasure of her rear end. Unfortunately, the luscious behind he massages is Simon's. As Ned fails to notice this display, we fade out.

One And Only World Tag Team Title Scramble Cage Match Profile Brought to you by The Hills - The Complete Second Season on DVD Name: Team Heyross Members:Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss From: Quentin-Seattle, Charlie-Minneapolis Career Highlights:Two Time OAOAST Six Man Champions. WDW Tag Title Champions. Four time NCAA All Americans. As we return to live action we're whisked to the backstage interview area where OAOAST SuperStud (lol) Terry Taylor stands in a pitifully oversized OAOAST football jersey, and matching gold workout pants. The very picture of a true fashion victim. To his right are the infinitely more fashionable, OAOAST tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. Krista looks ready for a day on the Santa Monica boardwalk in a reddish halter jumper that dips just bellow her thighs, and a pink and red floral print headband that rests atop her luscious golden locks. Alix sports a fun red and white tank top, to with faded jeans that flare out hugely towards the shins. TAYLOR Greetings OAOAST fans, Terry Taylor here backstage with America's Sweethearts and OAOAST tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, in just a little over a week you both should be competing in a historic scramble cage match to unify the OAOAST tag titles, the HI-YAH titles, and the WDW titles. However, that match could be shot to hell come this Saturday. That's because Theodore Moneymaker has placed you into a tag title match with Jade Rodez and Mackenzie DeCenzo. And not just any title match, but a bra and panties match! All this, of course, is part of his quest to rid the OAOAST, and America of homosexuals. Your thoughts? KRISTA Dearest Theodore's little crusade against us poor widdle wesbians has gone from “HAHAHHHA Jennifer Aniston sure did suck in The Break Up” to “HHHAHAAH Jennifer Aniston is going to die of an overdose. Please help “ level of sadness. But I see the rainbow at the end of tunnel! Because if there's one way that we can completely alter someone's deeply held, long standing, violently ingrained viewpoints, it's by winning a professional wrestling match they're not even involved in. ALIX Are you being sarcastic? KRISTA I can't even tell anymore. TAYLOR Well, part of the reason Moneymaker made this match was to test Mackenzie's loyalty. He was annoyed by the obvious feelings she directed towards you both, and set up this match as punishment for her lesbian leanings. Krista, I've been stalking you for years and all I get is hit with a lawsuit and mandatory anger management counseling! ALIX (ignoring Terry) Yeah, does Teddy's whole thing not make sense to anyone else? What kind of punishment is that? I'm glad he's not the judge at the Mike Vick trial, otherwise he might sentence ol Ron Mexico to fifty hours of community service on the set of the sequel to Underdog. KRISTA A sports joke? How unusually butch of you. Look, Terry, Ally and I are more then happy with anytime we get to spend with Mackenzie, but Theodore Moneymaker's “punishment” operates with a stunning lack of logic that can only be found in pro wrestling. “Damn this closeted lesbian on my staff! How can I ever exorcise the monstrous lesbian beast that has perverted her mind? What methods must I employ to convert her back to right wing Christian heterosexuality?” ALIX “I know! I'll stick her in a match that requires her to tear the clothes off Maxim magazine's hottest babe, and a woman VH1's voted to have the hottest celebrity body. Yes. Yes! That'll rid her of the filthy dyke perversion! Lying helpless, vulnerable, unclothed, and subject to the whims of “The Advocate's cutest lesbian couple” will certainly destroy her lesbian feelings! BWAHHHAHAH!” TAYLOR Well, girls, you'll also be facing Jade Rodez, your former friend and ally, for the first time ever. I have to believe that weighs heavily on your mind. ALIX Hell yeah, dude! Jade Rodez ditched us for generic big black dude number one eighty five, no racist, yes lesbo, the Beverly Hills Blonds, a team who's members aren't even from Los Angeles and have probably never been west of the Staples Center, a guy who gets an erection everytime Krista or I breathe on him Christian Wright, and Theodore Moneymaker, who has all the charming personality of AIDS. Jade, I've burned down people's houses for less then what you did to me. Unfortunately you live in Detroit, which is full of Arabs, and Arabs scare me, so I won't be crossing that line anytime soon, also you live in an apartment. Thus negating efforts to burn down your non existent house. So, I am forced to resort to the next best thing. No, not signing you up to get spammed by alt.rec.bestatility.furry.mickeymouse.rape.porn newsletters, I forgot your e-mail address, but ripping off your clothes on low-rated, late night, syndicated television, in front of an audience of hundreds! TAYLOR And Krista, how do you feel about this match? KRISTA Given that the lone piece of excitement in my life is Maya ranting and raving like a mad woman whenever Hillary Duff releases a new song, I gotta say this match could be the hottest, greatest entertainment venture I've done since Britney Murphy. ALIX But losing to Jade and Mackenzie would be the most disgraceful, disgusting, and disdainful thing I've done since Starr Jones. TAYLOR ALIX Funny, that's what I did! KRISTA But I'm not overly worried about winding up on the losing end of this B&P match, because I spent the better part of my college years perfecting the art of getting straight women out of their clothes. Just ask your mother, Terry. Anyway, Mackenzie, is a wonderful, hot, amazing, hot, spiritual, hot woman, she's a top, and the bedroom always needs a few more of those, and did I mention she's hot, and Jade....well, I'll always have a place in my heart for her but when I think of Jade I feel a strange combination of pity and an inflammation of hemorrhoids. So the less said the better. But no disrespect to our gorgeous opponents, but the tag titles going from us to them, would be like someone breaking into the OAOAST's house, stealing all its Mama's and The Papa's albums and replacing them with The Best of Loverboy. So, to all our gay-bi-straight-kinda curious, dial 1-800-suckmedry to chat with the raunchiest studs in LA county, fans, if you're the type to get butthurt over the fate of inconsequential, midcard props of a late night wrestling television show, then fear not! We promise you that at Syndicated we'll be pulling off a victory and plenty of overpriced, sweatshop produced, vaguely racist American Eagle brand clothes. TAYLOR One more thing, before I let you go, girls. You've both taken your own interests in Mackenzie. Maybe, you're looking to invite another of your brethren into the hallowed shrine of your bedroom? But, wouldn't you agree that an open relationship like the one you're proposing is just a stop gap preventing couples for exploring deep rooted psychological issues towards commitment on an emotional and spiritual level? ALIX Hey, I thought we were the homos. TAYLOR KRISTA Well, your point reinforces the fact that the only romantic contact you'll ever get is through the $2.99 per minute you pump into the phone sex line I mentioned earlier, or through the South Central glory hole Vincent Santana earns his crack money (and his oral warts) from. But it also makes me wonder. Ally, if you could have a three way with any one in the whole wide galaxy, who would you pick? And, no saying Cam Diaz she's way too hot, she doesn't count anymore. ALIX I dunno. Who would you pick? KRISTA Eh, probably the girl from Evanescence. ALIX Eww gross! KRISTA Big deal, you'd do Kristy Alley. ALIX Awww, she was kinda cute in Cheers. KRISTA Yeah but you'd do her now! ALIX You'd do Kelly Clarkson....at her fattest! KRISTA Jesus Christ, you're right. ALIX Ewww, super gross! No way? I was, like, kidding and stuff. KRISTA Well, you'd do Amy Winehouse and I bet you a million dollars she has a penis. ALIX So? You'd dyke out JoJo and you're old enough to be her grandmother! KRISTA You'd do Whitney Houston....when she's not on crack! ALIX You'd hook up with April O'Neil from Ninja Turtles! KRISTA That's re-donk-u-lous! She's not even real! ALIX So what? You'd pay hella cash to mac that ASAP. KRISTA Shit. I would. I hate it when you're right. There's a lengthy silence as Krista ponders the advantages of a cartoon girlfriend to flesh and blood one. ALIX Ooooh, I know exactly who'd I do. Kristin Dunst. KRISTA So you wanna call me Kristin? ALIX Oooh, Ally likes. Would that make you hot? KRISTA It'd make me much, much, hotter if you let me call you Maria Sharapova. ALIX Mmmmm I'll call you Kiera Knightley. KRISTA Ahhhh, come to mommy, Evangeline Lilly. Smiling, Krista grabs Alix and roughly pulls her into her arms. ALIX My , you're so naughty, Kate Beckinsale. Giggling, the girls run off, leaving Terry Taylor to wipe sweat from his brow. TAYLOR Whew! For the OAOAST, I'm Denzel Washington, and I'll see you at Syndicated! COMMERCIAL BREAK

Great Britain. Rule Brittania Regal. Brittania rules the waves Noble. Britain never never never shall be slaves Dignified. Rule Britta... Not to be messed with! Anarchy for the UK Proud. It's coming sometime and maybe Brave. I give a wrong time stop a traffic line Ruthless. Your future dream is a shopping scheme Powerful. Cause I... wanna be...Anarchy! Barbaric. NATHANIEL BLACK Coming back to the OAOAST... BLACK Welcome to London... wankers. *************** COACH What's a 'wanker'? *Cole whispers into Coach's ear* COACH Oh. Hehehehehehe... 'wankers'. COLE Oh grow up. Anyway, what was that video about? Let's take it backstage, where our colleague Josh Matthews has caught up with The South Central Militia. We're transported back into the hub of all transport, at least transport heading into the arena tonight, the parking lot. (Boy, that was clunky. Even for me.) Vincent Santana and Marcellus Wallace are chilling and generally illing in front of their beat-up car. Vinny chugs away at his 40oz., leant across the hood of the car, with Wallace standing the other side, arms folded. MATTHEWS Hey, Josh Matthews outside the arena here in Des Moines and right now, I'm with one of the teams counting down the days until August 2nd, Minneapolis, Minnesota and the Scramble Cage Tag Title Unification Match. And Vinny, One Eye, it... WALLACE Yo, what did you jus' call me!? Realising his guests aren't quite as 'down' with the J.Math as he was banking on, Matthews stammers a little. MATTHEWS Uh, I... I thought that was your... WALLACE Unless you wanna end up wi'out an eyeball yo'self, ya'll better never call me that again! If I feels like callin' myself that, I will. Vinny, he wanna call me that, that's fine. We crew. You punk, you better watch yo' mouth, heard? With Moe's finger pointed right in his face, Josh certainly made sure he 'heard'. MATTHEWS O... okay. So, uh, to get back on topic... Scramble Cage is coming up in just one week's time and you have the chance to become the first ever, unified One And Only World Tag Team Champions. So... *SMASH!* The 40oz. crashes into the ground, oz.'s flying everywhere to the shock of Matthews. SANTANA Listen, it's all real simple. Ya'll got six teams and they're gon'be locked up inside a steel cage. It's gonna be a fight. It's gonna be war. Fists gon' be flyin', bodies be flyin', blood, sweat, teeth, all in one lil' steel surrounded battleground. Trill talk, that's how we do in South Central! Me an' One Eye, mah boy Marcellus here, we grew up in South Central L.A, fighting for every opportunity we ever gots in life. We ain't never had a damn thing handed to us by no-one, besides white flags n' bodybags. An' hell, we been locked up our fair share o' times too. So, you wanna lock up twelve of the OAOAST's 'finest' and see who survives, lemme spit game to ya, there ain't nobody gonna fuck wit' us! I mean, for real, you got a couple'a boyband faggots, two apple-pie eatin' college wrestlin' bitches, those West Hollywood motherfuckin' dykes who we still got major beef with... WALLACE And we ain't talkin' bout the roast beef hangin' between Krista's legs neither. MATTHEWS SANTANA Then there's Logan an' Synth, 'The Rockers'. Rap v. rock. Well lemme tell ya, they be Aerosmith and we're Run DMC, representin'. We gonna break through that wall and we're gonna kick their skinny, long-haired, trout-lipped asses 'till they shut the hell up, for real! And then... SOUL (off-screen) And then, you got us brothaaaaa. All eyes turn off screen, as in walk RICO DE JANIERO and LUCIUS SOUL, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! Sliding off of the car hood, Vinny stands beside Marcellus ready for a fight. Lucius holds up his hands and motions for them to calm down though, Rico just stroking his 'stache in the background. SANTANA Yo, you wanna throw down!? You wanna go!? SOUL Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. We couldn't help but overhear you two guys talkin' over here and we just had to come over before ya'll got too far ahead of yo'selves. Now, you and I are not so dissimiliar. Oh no. See, yours truly Lucius Soul, he grew up on the streets too. New Orleans isn't quite South Central I'll admit, but ya know, I feel a kinda kinship with you two. I'm 'down'. WALLACE This goin' somewhere? SOUL Indeed it is! See, mah sources have told me that you two gentlemen are in the field of 'protection', if ya catch my drift. Well, it just so happens that myself and Rico here have a proposition for ya'll. Lucius reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out a wad of bills. SOUL Hehheh... go ahead, feast your eyes. This right here my friends is twenty five thousand of my own dollars. All you've gotta do is make sure me and my main man Rico here... RICO *strokes 'stache* SOUL ...walk outta Minneapolis with those OAO tag straps to replace these here HI-YAH Tag Titles. Taking a second to think about it, The Militia smirk back at Lucius. WALLACE No deal. SOUL Heh... I believe there's some mistake here. See, I was lead to believe that you were 'for hire', wink wink. Doesn't matter who, just how much, that ring any bells for ya both? WALLACE Sounds like somethin' we'd say, yeh. SANTANA But not August 2nd. Scramble Cage dawg, s'all 'bout us. We ain't fightin' for money, we're fightin' for our pride. And we're fightin' for those belts we get straight robbed of! So, you two dress-up pedophile bitches gonna get bitch-slapped 'round that cage just like everybody else, belie'dat! You best spend that cash on life insurance or somethin'. Trying to keep himself cool and collected, Lucius straightens up his jacket and holds his hands up again. SOUL We'll see you guys next week then. No hard feelings. Lucius turns tail and storms off, with Rico shooting a quick glare at The Militia before following after his ranting partner. Watching on, Vinny and Moe smile to themselves as we go back to the arena. COACH Wow, battle of the suggestive ethnic accents or what! I've never seen so many apostrophes! COLE ..... COMMERCIAL

We fade in on a shot of the New York City skyline as the sun sets. Mellow music plays. We then see rapid fire shots of various New York City landmarks: the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue Of Liberty, Central Park. The World's Most Famous Arena. Cut to a shot of Madison Square Garden. The World's Greatest City. Cut to a shot of the New York City skyline at night. The biggest event of the summer. Cut to the OAOAST AngleSlam 2007 logo. Triumphant music plays. OAOAST ANGLESLAM LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEW YORK, NEW YORK FIVE WEEKS AWAY! NOT VINCE McMAHON, BUT A VERY CLOSE SOUNDALIKE ANGLESLAM 2007! THE SINGLE GREATEST ANGLESLAM OF ALL-TIME!!! Fireworks explode. We fade out. COMMERCIAL BREAK COLE Shifting gears now, ladies and gentlemen. Last week on the program… COACH Ahem. Allow me. Last week on the program, the Heavenly Rockers laid a massive beat down on them Texas punks, Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels. You see, a little challenge was issued the previous week. Still fuming over what happened at the Great Angle Bash, the Lone Star Gunslingers wanted a piece of the Heavenly Rockers. But your traditional wrestling match wasn’t good enough for them, they asked for it to be Last Man Standing. To quote an old family proverb, “Ask and you shall receive…but be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” COLE With more on that, here’s Maggie Nerdly in… ! THE ActionZONE ! Behind the anchor desk is America’s most trusted female journalist, the pride of Papa Nerdly’s semen, Maggie. MAGGIE First of all, a big WHAT’S UP to all the cool cats in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Remember guys and dolls, Thursday night’s most popular television series will broadcast live from the Twin Cities next week. Join us as history is made, as the OAOAST, HI-YAH and WDW tag titles are unified in a scramble steel cage match. It’s gonna be… HOLLY-WOOD?! The wife of Logan Mann, hands placed inside the pockets of her leather jacket, walks onto the set to a mixed reaction from the live crowd. MAGGIE What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating with the rest of the band? HOLLY I understand where you’re coming from Mags. Melody isn’t just your big sister, she’s your idol, and, more importantly…family. Her pain is your pain. And the pain she’s feeling right now was inflicted upon her by my family, Synth and Logan. Because of them Jock suffered a minor concussion and Baron a broken nose. I know Melody’s watching at home and I want to tell her and a worldwide television audience this: I don’t condone the actions of my husband and his sidekick. So I want to publicly apologize to you and the Gunslingers. What they did was totally over the line. It went above and beyond what this business is about. They raised the stakes and I fear both teams will only keep raising them until one is no longer physically capable of performing in the ring. If that team winds up being the Heavenly Rockers, all I can say is, they made their beds. MAGGIE (gasps) Holly, correct me if I’m wrong, but are you saying if Synth or Logan got seriously injured they deserved it? HOLLY Like I said, they made their beds, and they’ll have to lie on them…sayeth Holly-Wood. MAGGIE COACH Who does that broad think she is, taking a shot at her husband like that? At least Heather had a baby to hold Paul by the balls; Holly’s got nothing. COLE Luckily for us, we still a whole lot more to come!

i hav no beef w/iowa or it's music.

god damn rite theres more!! -simon singleton will have promo/skit! -cod promo!!

The mainevent can have it's entrances edited in and whatnot. Hey, that was a really good show! Very nice job, everybody, and nice to have Alf back on HD.

Bra and Panties Tag title Match Jade Rodez and Mackenzie DeCenzo Vs Alix Maria Spezia, Krista Isadora Duncan

One And Only World Tag Team Title Scramble Cage Match Profile Brought to you by The Hills - The Complete Second Season on DVD Name: The South Central Militia Members:One Eye Marcellus Wallace & Vincent "Whitey" Santana From: South Central LA Finisher:The Jailbreak Career Highlights:OAOAST World Tag Team Championship February 1st 2007-February 1st 2007 COLE What happens if Jade and Mackenzie win the tag titles at Syndicated? Do you still have a scramble cage match? COACH Absolutely not! The titles were signed to be unified by Chicks Over Dicks! Once they lose them, the match goes out the window, and the belts will be unified as Mister Moneymaker deems them fit. COLE Oh great. Folks, we'll be right back with our mainevent. COMMERCIAL Now with the trash-talking out of the way, Malibu and Vitamin X lock up, with Malibu grabbing a quick headlock. He holds onto it, but the move hasn't been applied for more than three seconds when... "REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!" ...LANDON MADDIX, the OAOAST World Champion (like it or not), makes his presence felt. Briefly distracted, Malibu winds up taken off his feet by Vitamin X, but floats over his back and then runs the ropes. X drops to the mat as Malibu hops over him and then slides out of the ring, storming up the aisle to confront Maddix! COLE OK, who had "under a minute" in the "all hell will break loose" pool? COACH We had a pool goin' and no one told me? Haters. Referee Robinson darts out of the ring as well, trying to lure Malibu back inside the ring, while Maddix keeps his distance from the irate former World Champion. Tha Puerto Rican comes around ringside now and he gets involved, bitching out Maddix for sticking his nose in Lightning Crew affairs. COLE This is not going to end well for at least one, if not all three of these men tonight! Robinson now has his hands full, ordering PRL back to the opposite side of the ringside area, and Malibu back into the ring. It's tough for the diminutive referee to impose order when the three participants in the AngleSlam main event are shouting each other down, so HeldDOWN~! quickly cuts to break so that he can restore order! (COMMERCIAL BREAK) HeldDOWN~! returns, and the action had already started, as we see Vitamin X working over the arm of Zack Malibu. X wrenches the arm, then follows up with a chop before releasing his grip. Circling Malibu, he peppers him with some quick jabs, backing off quickly after each one connects. With Malibu stunned, X hits the ropes and hits a leaping clothesline, taking Malibu down! He follows up with a cover, and PRL pounds the apron, cheering his protege on. ONE! KICKOUT! COLE Easy escape for Malibu that time, but Vitamin X has been able to control this match since Robinson managed to get Zack back into the ring. X picks Zack up and looks to shoot him to the corner, but Malibu reverses mid-move. X can't stop his momentum, so he leaps off the canvas and onto the middle rope, leaping backwards back to the mat. Surprised that Malibu hadn't charged the corner after him, X turns around...and gets blasted with a hard running lariat from the former World Champion! Malibu then leads X to his feet, and unloads on him with hard slaps, then segues into chops, striking the Prince of the Lightning Crew as hard as he sees fit! Zack then takes X by the head and pulls him towards a European uppercut, and then puts him on the mat with a scoop slam. Zack then hits the ropes, but PRL reaches in and grabs his ankle, tripping him up! Robinson rushes over, scolding Tha Puerto Rican for his actions, but Malibu decides to take matters in his own hand, launching himself over the top rope...and faking PRL out! Zack doesn't hit a pescado, but instead slingshot his way onto the apron, then leaps onto the top rope and sails in with a springboard legdrop onto Vitamin X! ONE! TW-KICKOUT! PRL applauds the effort of his stablemate, as X gets a shoulder up at 2. Zack brings him up again, but a quick rake of the eye puts the ball back in X's court, and he uses a rear waistlock takedown to put Zack back on the canvas! X then climbs onto Zack's back and slaps the back of his head playfully, then gets up and charges the ropes and delivers a basement dropkick to the chin of the Preppy One as he tries pushing up! X then puts the boots to Zack, stomping away, and then puts an exclamation point on the beating by dropping an elbow on his opponent, then goes for the cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Vitamin X is staying on his game, and Tha Puerto Rican has to be happy with what he's seen so far! COACH Don't forget about DA CHAMP~! here at ringside either. Maddix is all smiles as well, actively cheering on Vitamin X despite the tension between himself and the Lightning Crew leader. As both men come up, X staggers Zack with some forearms, then throws him into the corner! X unloads some more kicks to the ribs, then backs off, moving towards the opposite corner. X chugs like a choo-choo train, getting a full head of steam as he races towards the opposing corner, and...MISSES! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" X stumbles back, clutching at his ribs, but Malibu shoves him forward, and again he's slammed sternum first into the turnbuckles! Zack then leads him to center ring and hits a kick to the gut, then places him in a standing headscissors, hoisting him up for a powerbomb which X somehow reverses! PRL's feet leave the ground as he jumps with excitement, supporting X's attempt to decimate the number one contender. Malibu gets up quickly from the rana attempt, and is met with a quick jab, and another, and another, before X gets too cocky and does a little dance. He takes a swing for the closing haymaker shot, but Malibu ducks it, and now X is in trouble, as he gets rocked with a German Suplex! COACH Uh oh! COLE This is not where Vitamin X wants to be, that's for sure! The first German hits. So does the second German. As well as the third. And the fourth. AND the fifth, as the crowd is eating this up, counting along every time the back of Vitamin X's head slams into the canvas! COLE It's traditional, yet relentless. The Rolling Suplexes, passed on from Anglesault to his successor, has Vitamin X in a bad way. So much for calling Zack a hack! Malibu pulls VX up for a sixth suplex, but Tha Puerto Rican leaps up onto the apron, protesting what's happening to his charge. Robinson goes to cut him off from entering the ring, and when Malibu goes for the sixth in the series of suplexes, Maddix slides into the ring and delivers a low blow, causing both Zack and Vitamin X to collapse to the mat! COACH Look like Malibu's ship has sailed after that shot to the dingy! Maddix turns and smiles to the crowd, leaning on the ropes with a look of pride beaming off his face. PRL continues to keep Robinson tied up now, as Landon reaches down and picks the World Title off the apron. COLE PRL's serving as a distraction for Maddix! Can you believe this! They're both looking to eliminate Zack Malibu from title contention! Landon clutches the belt in his hands, waiting quietly to blast Malibu with the sixteen pounds of gold that once sat around his waist. Zack comes up off the mat, aching from the nutshot, when Landon comes forward with a BELTSHOT~!... ...that nails VITAMIN X SMACK IN THE FACE~! COACH YO~! COLE Malibu ducked! Vitamin X just got nailed with the World Heavyweight Title! Maddix backs off, and when Malibu lunges for him he quickly drops and rolls out of the ring, while PRL chases after him. Maddix backs up the aisleway, and sarcastically shrugs, looking as carefree as can be after nailing Vitamin X with his championship! Tha Puerto Rican fumes, calling Landon back out, but as Landon vanishes up the ramp, Malibu takes advantage of Landon's mishap (or was it?) and covers. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE It's not exactly the way we're used to seeing Zack win matches, but if anything, a clear message was sent tonight! COACH Yeah, the message PRL just gave to Maddix was loud and clear. He told him to go f... COLE ...FIND some backup, because the Lightning Crew are gonna be looking for him! COACH No, he told him to go f... COLE ...FORGET about their deal because PRL's done trying to work with him! COACH NO, Mikey! He told him to go fu... COLE ...FUDGEPACK his Lightning Crew boyfriends! COACH NO. Ew, no. What's wrong with you, Mikey! COLE I'm covering your ass! COACH After that last comment you just made, PLEASE stay away from my ass! Malibu, not looking too happy with how things went down, stands tall as Robinson raises his hand. Tha Puerto Rican, disturbed by Malibu's win, rolls into the ring, and now the two challengers for Maddix's World Title are face to face in the ring. PRL mouths off to Zack, with the words "it ain't over" being heard softly on TV broadcasts worldwide. Malibu responds with "I don't want it to be", and then delivers a hard slap across PRL's face, causing the Lightning Crew leader to take him to the mat, where they start to brawl! COLE It's breaking down again out here! We need some assistance out here to get these guys apart! Zack and PRL have barely started trading shots when the locker room empties, pulling both men apart and in opposite directions. The rest of the Lightning Crew come out and make the save for their leader, helping him out of the ring to try and lure him back to the locker room...but Malibu breaks free from those holding him back, and runs across the ring, leaping clean over the ring ropes and crashing down on the entire Lightning Crew with a plancha! COACH DAMN~! COLE Air Malibu has just crash landed, and it's wiped out The Lightning Crew! There's no end to this war in sight, but for tonight, we've gotta go! We'll see you next week on HeldDOWN~! GOOD NIGHT DEAR PEOPLE!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD (Man, I ain't got shit to say about WACK ASS southern hip-hop. wtf is w/rappers and these minstrel show names they got? Damn it's bad enough they fucking hip-hop up and dumbing the shit down to the point that a chimp can recite they ignant rhymes and dumb ass coon shuffles. But now their names sound like it came off the Minstrel Show "Weebie, Jibbs, Baby Huey," shit like that. That's how you can tell an emcee from a Rapper. What happened to names like Melle Mel, Big Daddy Kane, Ice-Cube, Q-tip, Method Man, DMC, Chuck D? Now you got rappers comin out with names like Jigaboo Slim! Coons and the whiteman got the game all FUCKED UP.) FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Rather then start with a shot of the arena, as is the custom, we're taken backstage where Maggie Nerdly, in usual goth-prep attire, holds microphone in front of a smirking Christian Wright's face. MAGGIE What's good ya'll? Turn up your volume, and pay your attention, because Maggie Nerdly, your girl on the scene, is about to give you what you need. A one on one exclusy with The Enterprise's Christian Wright. A few weeks backs I, by nature of standing where the director told me, got a HUGE interview with Leon Rodez, where he issued a challenge for a five on five match between him, D*LUX, and Chicks Over Dicks, against The Enterprise. Christian, here's your chance to holla back at Leon. WRIGHT Ah, our vagrant Leon Rodez. How delightful his post match regalement proved to be. Extending the sword of retribution to the throat of thyne Enterprise? A pauper's mistake to tempt the rage of kings, boy. Swift has your lust for revenge led you to an irrecoverable error. And to enslave innocent compatriots into your mummer's folly? Tsk, tsk, Leon Rodez. Tsk tsk. And for the fools to play audience to his invitation towards hell's doorstep? Too late and to their sorrow do they who misplace their faith in Leon's hands learn their fate. Maggie is already exasperated by the fact that everything Wright says goes over her head. MAGGIE I'm eighteen years old! I'm failing my freshmen composition class, and I can't even figure out how to make water evaporate in a room that's eighty six degrees for my Physics class! I don't understand what the heck your saying, man! I'm gonna ask you this one more time. Does The Enterprise accept Leon's challenge for a five on five match at Angleslam? WRIGHT But of course. MAGGIE Nice! Maggie Nerdly with the major scoops! Aw yeah! So, anyway, Leon's a guy not known to get all upset, but lately ya'll have made him go a little loco, still cute but kind of crazy. You gotta be a bit worried about the way the guy's been snapping lately, and how he keeps dropping mad threats on Teddy Moneymaker. WRIGHT Leon Rodez may paw at violence, but Mister Moneymaker shall suffer no swift destruction. The Enterprise waits like the deadliest of military at his orders. From the war council you behold on these televisual transmissions, to the rank and file stationed in our offices. What better blade then Mister Moneymaker to parry Leon's thrust and return with fatal blow to his heart? MAGGIE Oh, mos def! Moneymaker is mad ruthless, b! Suddenly Wright's face illuminates with a lunatic excitement. His hands reach into the air, grasping towards, concepts, ideas, and thoughts alien to us all. WRIGHT Ruthless? Aye, if only he were more so! He gives profaners such as Leon Rodez no quarter, no matter the kinship of his own allies! The power of Mister Moneymaker is the source of the gods! The Enterprise is a weapon born of his wisdom, capable of leveling the Heaven's themselves! A fitting cutlass carved for a true rajah of dynastic monopoly! MAGGIE I'm a Trivial Pursuit girl, but go on. WRIGHT Come Angleslam The Enterprise shall defy the will of these five curs and see the veins of our opposers, squeezed into a lifeless nothingness. The Enterprise's time draws nigh, Margaret! Our OAOAST holds no place for the names D*LUX, Leon Rodez, or Chicks Over Dicks. Upon August 26th the stain of their blood shall awash the surfaces of our ring! With a haughty chuckle, Wright arrogantly strides out of view. Thusly we're transported to Sofa Central where Double C waits to introduce tonight's festivities. COLE Folks, welcome to HeldDOWN! Tonight we're paying a visit to South Carolina! You just heard Christian Wright announce that there will be five on five bout at Angleslam, but don't look too far ahead, because there is still great action tonight! Zack Malibu will be in action against Vitamin X, The Gunslingers will finally get their hands on The Rockers, and we'll have a Battlebowl Tag Team match! All this and more on OAOAST HeldDOWN! COACH Can I talk now? NO! COMING UP NEXT WDW Lives On Battlebowl tag team match NEXT COMMERCIAL

COLE Folks, it's time for our other Battlebowl match of the night! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following is our second Battlebowl match of the night, scheduled for one fall! COACH Here we go, Cole! Cut to the AngleTron, and the OAOAST roster. The flashing box moves around the screen, then the full portraits interchange, stopping on...CONQUISTADOR DOS! COACH Wow! COLE Could you imagine if both Conquistadors were able to advance to Battlebowl? COACH That would definitely be something, Cole! Gold Dust Woman plays, and Dos walks through the curtains. He makes his way into the ring, as the music stops, and the next drawing starts. COLE And now we'll find out his partner! The box moves around, the portraits interchange, before stopping on...LUTHER! COLE And it's another Burrough Boy, Luther! So the Burrough Boys have second life in this Battlebowl! DJ Clue's Super Mario Remix hits, and Luther walks through the curtains, looking less than happy. COACH Uh oh, and I don't think Luther's too happy about who this lottery has given him as a partner! Luther slowly walks to the ring and climbs in, and leans on the ropes, as the drawing starts up again. COACH Who's going to be their opponents, Cole? The box moves around, the portraits interchange, before stopping on...WALDO! COLE And look at this, another Burrough Boy! COACH And these guys will be opponents in this match, Cole! COLE But as Waldo comes to the ring, this guarantees one of them a spot in Battlebowl, barring something like a double-disqualification or something to that effect which would eliminate both teams! The music hits once again, as Waldo comes out. Waldo stops at ringside, and looks up at the AngleTron as the drawing starts up again. The flashing box moves around various members of the roster, then the large pictures start to interchange, before stopping on...THUNDERKID!!! COACH WHOA! COLE And this can't make Alf happy at all! Waldo points at Luther and laughs, as Luther throws a fit in the ring. COLE As you can see from those reactions, Waldo obviously getting the better luck of the draw with his partner, the OAOAST Heartland champion, Thunderkid! God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid makes his way out to the roars of the crowd. COLE And we're set to add two more to the battle royal at Syndicated! TK climbs into the ring, takes off his gear, and hands his belt to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COACH And I'll tell you, the Conquistador showing some guts, stepping right in there with the champ! Dos and TK circle the ring, and tie up. TK grabs a side headlock, but Dos backs him into the ropes, and shoves him off. Dos drops down as TK hops over, then Dos hops up, only to be shoulderchecked right back down! COLE But as you can see, more guts than brains, he's not going to match strength with TK! Dos slowly gets to his feet, and they circle the ring once again. The two tie up, and Dos quickly goes behind and grabs a hammerlock. TK manages to escape and go behind Dos, taking him down with a drop toe hold, then catching him with an armdrag! Dos retreats to a neutral corner. COACH And Dos taking his time in there, not rushing things! The two combatants circle the ring once again, and TK goes behind, but catches an elbow to the face! Dos backs into the ropes, and floors TK with a clothesline! COLE And how about this, Dos starting to mount some offense here! Dos backs into the ropes, and TK rolls to his stomach as Dos hops over, then TK gets up and executes a leapfrog, then catches Dos for a big PRESS SLAM~! COLE And the power of the Heartland champion! TK slams Dos hard to the mat, then measures and hits him with a dropkick, sending him through the ropes and to the floor! COLE And Dos giving it a go here, but not finding much success against TK, as you might expect! Dos catches his breath, then rolls back into the ring and goes at TK, who catches him in another armdrag! COACH I think Dos would have been best served to make a tag right there! TK wrings his arm, then walks over and tags Waldo, who just looks at him for a second. COLE Yeah, that was a tag, Waldo! TK points up, and Waldo goes to the top, coming down on Dos with a chop to the shoulder. COACH Not bad teamwork from TK and Waldo! COLE Well, you remember TK's roots are in tag team wrestling, but he has since become a highly successful singles wrestler! Waldo stomps away at Dos, then hits him with a European uppercut, which sends him staggering back to the ropes, and he falls through and lands on the apron. Waldo runs to the corner, springs up, and dropkicks Dos to the floor! COLE And a nice springboard dropkick by Waldo, out of Staten Island! Waldo then grabs onto the top rope, jumps, and pulls himself between the top and middle rope, hooking Dos on the way down and taking him down with a headscissors! COACH Look at that move! COLE These Burrough Boys do have some impressive cruiserweight-style moves! Waldo tosses Dos back inside, and tags TK once again. COACH Second exchange here between Waldo and TK, as Dos is in big trouble, with Luther yet to make an appearance! TK wrings the arm once again, but Dos goes to the eyes, then delivers a scoop slam! He then makes a tag to Luther. COLE Now he's in there! Luther stomps away on TK, then picks him up. He whips him into the ropes, then backs into the other side, and catches TK with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE First cover of the match, a two-count! Luther drags TK to a neutral corner, and scoops him up, delivering a rib-breaker! He then reaches over TK on the mat, grabbing the top rope, and executing a SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT~! 1... 2... Kickout! Luther whips TK into the ropes, but TK ducks a clothesline. When TK turns around, Luther delivers a foot to the gut, then hooks a front facelock. However, Luther stops to pose, and TK lifts him in the air and carries him into his own corner, where he tags in Waldo! COACH Oh, this ought to be good! COLE Burrough Boy against Burrough Boy, possibly! Luther and Waldo stare at one another, then circle the ring and tie up. COACH There they go! Waldo grabs a side headlock, but Luther shoves him off into the ropes. Luther drops down, then gets to his feet. Waldo ducks a clothesline, then Luther executes a leapfrog, then catches him in a hiplock attempt...but Waldo spins through, goes behind the back, and attempts a backslide! 1... 2... Kickout! Both men back off into their respective corners. COLE Nice sequence between those two, as the action lightning quick in there right now! They meet in mid-ring and tie up once again, with Luther taking Waldo to the mat with a side headlock. Waldo grabs a headscissors, but Luther quickly turns over, and flips on top of Waldo. 1... 2... Waldo bridges up, then turns around and goes for another backslide, but this time, Luther rolls all the way over Waldo's shoulders and lands on his feet in front of him, catching him with a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Look at that, these guys can wrestle and fly too, Cole! COLE No question, some great action going on in there right now! The partners circle the ring once again, and tie up. Luther backs Waldo into his own corner, as the referee warns Dos about interfering in the action. Luther lets up, and whips Waldo across the ring. Luther follows and executes a monkey flip, but Waldo lands on his feet, and runs back to the other corner, hopping to the top rope, and attempting a flip move, which Luther ducks, and tags in Dos. However, Waldo rolls through, making it to his own corner, and tagging in TK. COACH Good stuff from the Burroughs, Cole! TK immediately overpowers Dos, and whips him into a corner. TK charges, but Dos moves out of the way! COLE Nobody home for TK! As TK crashes into the corner, Dos runs into the ropes, and catches him with a BULLDOG~! as TK staggers out! COACH And a nice move by Dos! Dos tags Luther right back in, and Luther goes to the top rope as TK slowly gets to his feet. Luther leaps off, but TK catches him with a powerslam! 1... 2... ...but the count is broken up by Waldo! COLE Wait a minute! COACH Instinct, Cole! These guys are partners! TK gets to his feet angrily, and shoves Waldo down to the mat! COLE And TK not happy about it! As TK berates Waldo, Luther musters up the strength to deliver a low blow! Waldo then gets to his feet and holds TK, while Luther goes to the top rope. COLE And now the Burrough Boys ARE working as a team, even though they're adversaries! What is going on here? COACH Well, Cole, TK would obviously be a bigger obstacle in the battle royal than Dos would! So if they're going to try to work together and prevent one from getting there, it would have to be him! Luther jumps off the top rope...but TK moves, and Waldo eats a missile dropkick! COLE And Luther hits his partner, or his opponent, or whatever! I don't have a damn clue at this point! Dos attacks TK, and attempts to whip him to the ropes, but TK blocks and wrings the arm, pulling him in for a foot to the gut. TK then hooks Dos, and drops him with the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE And TK is going to Battlebowl! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match, advancing to Battlebowl...the team of WALDO and THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE And Waldo will be the Burrough Boy that advances, as TK had to pull him on his coattails at the end there, Luther and Dos eliminated! COACH But Uno made it, that's one more than we expected, Cole! TK leaves the ring, holding his belt in the air. COLE Indeed, Uno did make it, but to achieve the impossible and win Battlebowl, this is one of the guys he'll have to outlast, the Heartland champion, Thunderkid! Let's go to... The view is switched backstage to The Enterprise locker room, where Theodore Moneymaker, attired in three piece pin stripped suit, paces across the floor. Holding a glass of Merlot, he appears to be engaged in deep thought. Jade Rodez, in a teal track suit, lounges against a leather couch. Her expression is one of great worry and anxiety. MONEYMAKER Tell me Jade, when we throw the victory gala for your inevitable tag title win at Syndicated, which type of cuisine do you prefer? I'm thinking of a seared duck with salsa verde and cherry compote. Perhaps served with an achiote-marianted yellowtail with chiplote mayo? Or is it that too upper middle class? JADE Why don't you ask, CPA, or something. MONEYMAKER CPA? Trust me, I love the man like a son, but if it were up to him we'd be sitting in front of the Exxon gas station, drinking malt liquor and eating out of one big Popeye's bucket! BWAHHHHAHAHA! Mister Allen is good for many things, but fine dining, and reading above a second grade level are not one of them. It's your victory celebration, you make the choice. JADE Ask Mackenzie. MONEYMAKER The only words I have for Mackenzie are those that would condemn her ilk to the very depths of hell. JADE I don't...care what you serve. It doesn't matter. I don't care. Serve whatever. MONEYMAKER Serve whatever? What do you want? Something crazy? Like an ice cream taco? Something like that? What does that mean? Are you pregnant? Because I care not what the human resources department says, I bear no responsibility for maternity leave! None whatsoever! You and that child are on your own! BWHAHAHAHA! JADE (dryly. Or more dry then usual.) I'm not pregnant. MONEYMAKER Then...uh...I was merely having a laugh about the whole maternity leave thing. Hahhhahha Simple laugh, hahhahaha. Please don't sue me. JADE I won't. Mister Moneymaker... MONEYMAKER Please, call me Teddy. JADE Uh, Teddy. MONEYMAKER On second thought, call me Mister Moneymaker. JADE Mister Moneymaker, I appreciate what Ned was...trying to do, I guess, for me, but between us, I'm not sure this bra and panties tag title match is that good of an idea. MONEYMAKER How can it be anything but a good idea? Are you concerned about Mackenzie's loyalty? I know she is a vapid slave to her perverse lesbian desires, but with the axe held above her neck she'll no doubt follow the scent of the dollar, and not the scent of Alix's perfume or Krista's flavored lipstick. JADE I'm not that worried about Mackenzie. I guess, I should be, maybe I am, but there's more then that... MONEYMAKER Then what? Think to your pride, Jade! You've been blessed with an opportunity to do what every tag team I've hired has failed to do. Restore prestige to the OAOAST tag team titles, bring back honor, morality and family values to American society, and rid the OAOAST of this scandalous lesbian menace. How could you not be counting down the days until you perform God's righteous service and strike down Satan's hedonistic messengers? Realizing that Theodore Moneymaker is simply a walking sermon, with no ability to understand the feelings of others, Jade decides to give up. JADE I guess you're right. Fine. MONEYMAKER Hold! I get it. I see what's going on here. It's Krista and Alix. You're afraid of having to combat your old friends. Let me disavow you of that notion right now. These were not your friends, Krista was not your mentor. These were monsters, and Krista was the snake tempting to you to eat Eden's apple. You were wise to seek salvation with The Enterprise, before they dragged you into the Roman Circus that is their lesbian smut underworld! All the times they left you to be devoured by some unshaven, flat chested, Anti-Amercian, pale as Casper the ghost, lesbian feminazi, at their Los Angeles gay clubs? Disgusting! Jade doesn't remember ever being taken to any lesbian clubs, or ever being introduced as a prospective partner to any lesbians, but she keeps silent and lets Moneymaker continue his weekly diatribe against homosexuals. MONEYMAKER Don't you see? These alleged friends of yours, were simply trying to convert you to their cult of homosexuality! To drag you into the pits of hell, so that you may eternally recite their blasmphemey against God in a pagan orgy of dyke filth! Mackenzie may eagerly spread her legs for the tongues of those two she devils, but not you, Jade. I saved you, Jade. I did. Throughly creeped out by Mister Moneymaker, Jade starts looking for an exit. MONEYMAKER To fear the bra and panties tag title match is futile, Jade. Long have I walked in the company of hatred for homosexuals. As long as my breaths can curse the names of Alix and Krista, no ally of mine shall ever taste defeat. You will wield America's disgust and crush our enemies of morality. JADE Uh...yeah...I feel a lot better. A lot. Thank you. MONEYMAKER Yes, excellent. I welcome the sight of you as tag team champion. BWAHHAHHA! Jade uses Moneymaker's chuckling distraction to exit the scene. COMING UP NEXT Malibu Back In Action Zack Malibu Vs Vitamin X NEXT COMMERCIAL

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, to a finish…LAST MAN STANDING! To achieve victory you must incapacitate your opponents for a count of 10. “Heart-Shaped Box” hits, the automatic pop it once received gone, replaced by a loud chorus of boos. BUFFER Introducing first, led to the ring by HOLLY-WOOD…from Sin City, total combine weight 432 pounds, the former OAOAST tag team champions of the world and self-proclaimed “greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time“...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE If you‘re just tuning in, don’t adjust your television sets. Your hearing is perfectly fine. As unimaginable as it seemed 3 months ago, the Heavenly Rockers have gone from being the most popular tag team in our sport to one of the most despised thanks to their actions at the 6th annual Great Angle Bash. COACH Things change, people change. As evident by this reception. And why? Why are the fans so mad at the Heavenly Rockers? Because they refused to be raped by a couple of young hot shots who tried to take advantage of their generosity? COLE You’re as delusional as the Heavenly Rockers. It’s obvious to me they became jealous of the Lone Star Gunslingers. Synth and Logan were the most popular tag team for such a long time they couldn’t handle it when another team began to cut into their popularity and snapped. COACH Then instead of damning the Heavenly Rockers to hell, blame the fans. They stirred the pot for their own amusement and got burned. After several minutes and no Heavenly Rockers, the music dies, leaving everyone puzzled. Then it’s off backstage to an ongoing shouting match between the Heavenly Rockers and OAOAST agent Terry Taylor. Also present is Logan’s wife Holly, a woman so disinterested in the events transpiring in front of her she kills time reading the July edition of OAOAST Magazine. TAYLOR Enough of the stalling, fellas. Move it. You’re on. LOGAN Nobody’s going to force us to do a damn thing, especially not you, you walking piece of Wrestlecrap. Like I’ve said, if you want the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all time to perform live, you gotta meet our demands. It‘s written in our contract. But if the OAOAST is going to try and play us like that, get in touch with our lawyers and will gladly see you in court. SYNTH What he said. BARON (Off-Screen) Hey jackasses! Officials swarm the area as the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS attempt to start our regularly scheduled contest backstage. LOGAN You don’t want none of us. Step over here and we’ll stain the floor with your blood! SYNTH See, Rooster, dat’s why all the fuss. Them fools can‘t be trusted. You saw it. They just tried to jump us. TAYLOR Then take it to the ring. You accepted the challenge. It’s time to see if you can walk the walk. (to the officials) Gentlemen, escort Mr. Mulligan and Windels to the Gorilla position. (to Synth and Logan) You guys stay right here until they‘re out of sight. LOGAN (shouting) Hey Melody, pray your boys get injured walking to the ring, because it won’t hurt nearly as bad as what we’re gonna do to them! MELODY It doesn’t take long for the Gunslingers to appear onstage. With Fall Out Boy’s “Thriller” booming over the loud speakers, the most improved tag team come dressed to fight, both wearing jeans and t-shirts, fists taped. Melody on the other hand, she’s like a cartoon character, rocking the same Daisy Duke look as always (and nobody‘s complaining because she‘s hot). BUFFER Wrestling fans, the Heavenly Rockers opponents in this Last Man Standing match hail from San Antonio, Texas, and are accompanied by their manager MELODY NERDLY…JOCK MULLIGAN and BARON WINDELS…THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” Melody and the guys return the love from the fans, high-fiving a lucky few on their way to the ring. COLE Here they come, arguably the most popular tag team… COACH Thanks to Melody spamming every MySpace page in existence. COLE …in the sport today, the Lone Star Gunslingers. Tonight they look to extract a measure of revenge against the men who have denied them championship hardware on 3 separate occasions, the Heavenly Rockers. Speak of the devil…! * BOOM * Jock goes down in a heap following a CHAIRSHOT from Synth, who then whips the Gunslinger into the STEEL STEPS before him and Logan gang up on Baron. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE It was a damn set-up! COACH And the Gunslingers fell for it hook, line and sinker. Melody tends to Jock as the Heavenly Rockers pummel Baron to the ground. Overwhelmed by the onslaught the proud Texan continues to try and fight out of the predicament, wildly swinging from his knees… “YYEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!” …but Logan rakes the eyes and tosses Windels inside. As Synth climbs onto the apron Logan spots Melody reaching for the steel chair and steps on it, shaking his head as the Gunslingers gal pal slowly gazes up at the “Macho MACHO” Mann. But Logan refuses to let that be the end of it, threatening to strike Melody with the chair! COLE Oh, no. He wouldn’t dare. Suddenly, Logan is spun around and floored by a Jock Mulligan discus punch. The gentlemen that he is, Jock asks Melody if she’s okay before going to aid Baron, cleaning house on Synth. Irish whip, and both men head off into the ropes, with Jock connecting on a flying lariat. Melody slides a chair inside, the very one that got her up close and personal with Logan Mann, and Jock… * BOOM * …cracks it across the back of the Synthmeister, sending him through the ropes to the floor. COLE A receipt from earlier, no question. Having shaken off the cobwebs, Baron wows the audience with a PLANCHA onto Logan! COACH Even I have to admit that was impressive. You don’t see many 6’7 men diving over the top rope with such ease. Melody fires her imaginary pistols in the air with the excitement of a 5-year-old. Meanwhile, Jock pulls Synth out from underneath the ring. Yes, out from under. But Synth proves he’s more than just a pretty face, or a cowardly lion…THROWING A HANDFUL OF POWDER INTO JOCK’S EYES! COLE Powder in the eyes! My god, somebody please help him! He can’t see! He can’t see, damn it! As Jock stumbles around, desperately wiping his eyes with the ring skirt, Synth regains possession of the steel chair and damn near bashes Jock’s skull in! Not one to play favorites, Synth sprints to the other side of the ring and cold-cocks Baron as well! “HOLLY!” “HOLLY!” “HOLLY!” COLE You hear the chants of “Holly” in the background, the fans want her to come out here and end this. Whether or not she has the power to do so I don’t know. Synth and Logan have gone off the deep end. The Heavenly Rockers prepare to do real damage now that their foes have been neutralized. Logan twirls the FINGER OF DEATH~! as Synth removes the protective pad ringside. COLE Oh, my. I don’t like the looks of this at all. I pray it’s not what I think it is. Melody can’t bear to watch, fleeing backstage. Logan hooks Baron’s head… “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” …PERCUSSION DDT ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!! COLE COACH Your prayers went unanswered, Cole. Not that you should be surprised. I mean, I don’t think the good Lord would appreciate the lifestyle you live. As if that wasn’t enough, Logan adds insult to injury, GRINDING BARON’S FACE INTO THE CONCRETE! COLE Come on, that’s enough! COACH Have you forgotten? Last Man Standing. We still have a match on our hands. And Logan has Baron’s BLOOD on his, as does the concrete. Synth brings Jock over along with another steel chair. The guys place the chairs on the ground and deliver a DOUBLE DDT! COACH Double the Percussion. COLE And there’s going to be major repercussions stemming from this. LOGAN (to referee) Count ‘em! 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... “YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Melody returns with HOLLY-WOOD by her side. They rush to the ring, where Melody smartly remains at a safe distance as Holly tries to talk some sense into the Heavenly Rockers, but Logan isn’t having any of it, ignoring what his wife is saying to cuss Melody out. COLE Somebody place security on standby, it’s getting intense ringside. 6... 7... 8... 9... 10! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your last men standing…THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan spits on the bodies of Jock and Baron, then grabs Holly by the arm and roughly whisks her backstage as OAOAST officials and EMTs arrive on the scene. COLE Let’s go to break. There’s nothing left to say or see here. We’ll be back. COMMERCIAL The camera cuts to the backstage area and the HeldDOWN~! interview set where Maria is standing by with James Riggs and Staci. The crowd boos. Riggs is in his wrestling attire and has a cocky smirk on his face. Staci stands next to him looking lovingly at her man. MARIA Maria here with James Riggs, who made his return to the OAOAST last week in a very rude manner! Last week, you attacked Colombian Heat after he just won the 24/7 Title from Cuban Wall! What would make you do such a thing? JAMES RIGGS Well, Maria, it's quite simple, so simple even you can understand it. You see, I attacked him after his match because I just could not understand why the OAOAST would go ahead and give Colombian Heat a rematch after he BLEW his first match against Cuban Wall. I mean, Cuban Wall squashed him in under 10 minutes! What the hell was the point of having a rematch? What did Cuban Wall need to prove? Does Colombian Heat have incriminating photos of someone on the OAOAST Board of Directors or something? Anyway, it's completely and totally unfair that he gets two shots at the 24/7 Title in the span of two months despite not wrestling on OAOAST TV since April! Sure, I haven't been seen since April either, but that was because I was taking on the best the world has to offer in HI-YAH. What has Colombian Heat done since April? Lie around his apartment doing nothing? Write some crappy rap songs? Smoke some of that 'sticky icky' if you catch my drift? MARIA No, I don't. RIGGS You know, you're much more beautiful when you don't speak. MARIA Really? RIGGS Uh-huh. MARIA Okay then! I'll stay quiet for the rest of the interview! RIGGS That's a good girl. Staci stifles her laugh. JR chuckles. RIGGS But now I'm back in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, and I'm going to make it my mission to unseat Colombian Heat and give the OAOAST and JR Nation a 24/7 Champion they can be PROUD of! And as for Colombian Heat-- Suddenly, Colombian Heat appears in the shot. The crowd cheers loudly! Heat is also in his wrestling attire, but is also wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap backwards. He is holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. James Riggs and Staci both look at Heat with looks of disgust on their faces. RIGGS Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. How you doing, Champ? COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, peep dis, son. I's never had any beef wit you, a'ight? Youse the one dat started tha beef. Well, I's is gonna finish it, ya heard me? RIGGS I hear you loud and clear, Heat! Now, tell me, when do I get my title shot? HEAT Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up! Wait a minute! I's never said nothin' 'bout no title shot. First things first, I gotta see if you're worthy of gettin' a shot at mah new title. RIGGS Me? Worthy? Heat, do you realize who you're talking to? I'm a future Hall of Famer! I'm the Next Big Thing in the OAOAST! I'm the guy who puts asses in those seats! And you're seriously wondering if I am worthy enough to get a shot at the OAOAST 24/7 Title? HEAT Yessir. JR scoffs. He and Staci can't believe what they're hearing. Riggs puts his right hand over his face and takes a deep breath. He then turns his attention back to Heat. RIGGS All right. All right. If that's what I have to do, then so be it. What do you want? HEAT There's a primetime Syndicated show in two weeks. How's about me and you have a match on dat show? If I win, then you stop with dis business about gettin' a 24/7 Title shot a'ight? But if you win...then, we'll face off again for the 24/7 Title at AngleSlam in August. Sound cool wit you? JR quickly thinks this over. Staci smiles. RIGGS Colombian Heat, I have absolutely no problem beating you two times in a row! I accept your challenge! HEAT A'ight then. See, we can do this tha civil way cuz we is grown ass mang. No need for sneak attacks and whatnot! We can do dis tha grown folks way. RIGGS Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever. I'll see you in two weeks, Champ! HEAT See you then, Riggs. Colombian Heat and James Riggs both nod their heads at the same time. Heat then turns and walks away. RIGGS And hey, hold onto that Title tight, because in six weeks time, that Title will be taken away from you, and you'll be remember as the guy who lost both his belt AND his girlfriend on OAOAST Television in the same year! That comment causes Colombian Heat to stop walking and rush towards Riggs! HEAT What'chu say? What'chu say? SAY THAT TO MAH FACE, BOI! COME ON! SAY DAT TO MAH FACE! Heat shoves Riggs! Riggs and Staci just laugh it off. Heat gets in Riggs face, which causes OAOAST Road Agents and security to come and break things up before things get out of hand. Heat continues spitting venom at James Riggs, who just laughs evilly while Staci smiles evilly. Both Heat and Riggs are separated by the OAOAST Road Agents and security. The crowd boos. COLE James Riggs has accepted the challenge! If he can get through Colombian Heat on OAOAST Syndicated in two weeks, he gets a 24/7 Title shot at AngleSlam! COACH Finally, the moment JR Nation has been waiting for will finally happen. James Riggs with OAOAST gold around his waist! COLE Well, he has to beat Heat on OAOAST Syndicated first. COACH And he will, so let's look into the future. August 26th. James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat for the 24/7 Title! What a moment that will be in JR's career. Winning the 24/7 Championship at Madison Square Garden! That's something he can tell his grandkids about! COLE Who knows, Coach? What we DO know is that another match has been added to an already explosive OAOAST Syndicated on July 28th from London, England! Colombian Heat vs. James Riggs, with a 24/7 Title shot at AngleSlam 2007 on the line! Folks, we'll be back with another Battle Bowl bout after this! COMMERCIAL

Now we can go to Josh! JOSH Ladies and gentlemen, right now it's my pleasure to bring in the number one contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title, Zack Malibu! The distant sound of a crowd pop is heard, as Malibu steps into the shot, next to his old buddy J. Math. JOSH Zack, last week you stormed onto the scene during the contract signing once Anglesault revealed that you were due your rightful rematch against Landon Maddix. Now that the Angleslam main event has officially been made into a three way dance, what are your thoughts on the subject? MALIBU It's twofold, Josh. First off, I get a chance, inside Madison Square Garden no less, to recapture the World Title and gain a measure of revenge on Landon Maddix. Secondly, it gives me a chance to eliminate another problem within the OAOAST, The Lightning Crew. See, I know what it's like to be a target. Having earned my reputation by fighting my way to the top, having been the World Heavyweight Champion, I know what it's like when someone tries to make a name for themselves at your expense. Tha Puerto Rican and The Lightning Crew seemed to think lately that they could get a rub from coming after me, and Landon? Landon, I'll give you some credit...you took advantage of a situation you were rightfully entitled too, BUT, when it comes to face to face challenges, your spine melts. When you don't have Todd Cortez or The South Central Millitia or whoever else you suck up to on a given week, you back down. You and PRL, you both surround yourselves with these allies, these "friends" of yours, when the truth is that the both of you back yourselves into a corner so often that you need them to help pull you out. At Angleslam, I know the odds are against me. I know I'm up against two of the most hated men on the roster. I know I'm up against two men that want to take me out and get the credit for it. I know that my Angleslam track record isn't the greatest. I also know that I'm not treating this as just a shot at the title, oh no. This is redemption for Zack Malibu. This is about reclaiming the World Title, and gaining, by FORCE, the respect of two men who show an incredible lack of it. Landon, you should have learned from your old friend Bruce Blank what it means to go to the lengths that you did...because if I came back after the hell that man put me through, did you think some cracked ribs would make me fear you? Puerto Rican, did you think that by making your lackeys do some dirty work that it'd make me fear you any more? If anything, I respect you even less, because you hide behind the army you created, yet reap the benefits. You're hardly a leader, and Landon Maddix, you're hardly a champion. Come Angleslam, if not sooner, the cold hard truth is gonna come and smack you both in the face, likely in the form of my size 11 boot, get me? JOSH Sounds like you're prepared to make a statement at Angleslam, Zack. Tonight though, it seems that Tha Puerto Rican hopes to cut you off at the pass, because you're facing one of his closest allies in Vitamin X, a man who holds victories over some of your fellow OAOAST Originals. MALIBU That's exactly what I'm talking about, Josh. Tha Puerto Rican and Landon Maddix think they have this endless supply of curveballs they can throw my way. I'll take on Vitamin X tonight, then probably Cuban Wall next week, and Todd Cortez the week after that...I wouldn't be surprised if Landon has Megan get in the ring with me! The fact of the matter is this, and it's what I've been saying my whole career...I WELCOME these obstacles. Vitamin X wants me in the ring tonight, he's got me. Anyone else wants to take a shot, so be it. I've been a moving target for the past five years, so if PRL or Maddix think this is something new, they're sorely mistaken. Until there isn't a breath left in this body, I'm gonna keep coming at them. Matthews looks slightly concerned, yet impressed at Malibu's brutal honesty. Malibu then gives his old running buddy a pat on the shoulder and walks off, leaving the audience (and his two upcoming opponents) to let his words sink in. One And Only World Tag Team Title Scramble Cage Match Profile Brought to you by The Hills - The Complete Second Season on DVD Name: The Heavenly Rockers Members: Logan Mann & Synth Esizer From: Las Vegas, Nevada Nickname: The greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time Finisher: Electric Melody Career Highlights: OAOAST World Tag Team Championship April 2, 2006 - August 27, 2006 COMMERCIAL And now, the OAOAST Backtracker! Brought to you by Blockbuster! Make It A Blockbuster Night! We return to HeldDOWN~! with Cuban Wall already entering the ring. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds is playing over the P.A. system. COLE Fans, welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, and now Cuban Wall will be in action, a week after losing the 24/7 Title in humiliating fashion. 3 seconds was all the match lasted! COACH Uh, Cole...do you really want to remind everyone of that with Cuban Wall only a few feet away from you? COLE Hmm...you make a good point. Cuban Wall does The Lightning Crew Salute to boos. Wall jaws with the fans, and then heads to a second turnbuckle, where he raises his hands in the air. Wall gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to another second turnbuckle where he raises his hands in the air again. Cuban Wall gets off the second turnbuckle and then looks at his opponents. One man is a red head, wearing a black elbow pad on his right elbow, black wrist tape, red speedos, black knee pads, and black boots. The other is a pale chubby man with a mullet, who is wearing a black singlet with a giant yellow star on the front. He's also wearing white wrist tape, yellow knee pads, and white boots. Both jobbers...I mean, wrestlers look at Cuban Wall with some fear on their faces. COLE Cuban Wall is in a BAD mood after what happened last week. And I feel mighty sorry for his two opponents tonight. COACH What are their names? COLE You know, I have no idea. COACH Let's call the red head 'Dead' and the chubby guy 'Meat'. Referee Chad Patton checks Cuban Wall and then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* CUBAN WALL vs. ??? & ??? Cuban Wall rushes forward and gives a lariat to both of his opponents at the same time! COLE Whoa! And Cuban Wall starting this match off on the right foot! COACH What? You surprised? Cuban Wall gets up and starts stomping on both opponent's bodies. He stomps them until they're practically puddles on the mat, all with RAGE on his face. Wall picks both guys up. They're already winded. Wall shoves both guys into the ropes. When they return, Cuban Wall clutches both guys by the throat, lifts them up, and then SLAMS them down onto the mat with chokeslams! COLE Double chokeslams! Double chokeslams by Cuban Wall! COACH Wall is rebounding quite nicely from last week! Cuban Wall drops an elbow onto the red head. He drops another elbow onto the chubby mullet guy. CW picks the mullet guy up. He nails him right in the face with a right jab! Wall picks the red head up. He nails him right in the face with a right jab! Wall picks the mullet guy up again. Another jab! He picks up the red head. Another jab! Back and forth he goes, knocking both guys down with jabs and then picking them up again! Cuban Wall whips the mullet guy into the ropes. Big boot! The mullet guy goes down! COLE Cuban Wall manhandling two opponents at once! COACH He was robbed of the 24/7 Title last week and he's taking it out on these poor scrubs! THIS is why you don't get him mad! COLE Amen to that. Cuban Wall picks the red head up. He whips him into the ropes. Flying clothesline! Wall chokes the red head with his bare hands. But stops when the referee gets to a count of 4. Wall gives the ref an evil look and then gets up. COLE I don't know how much longer this match will last! COACH Certainly longer than the 24/7 Title Match did last week, damn it. CW picks the red head up. He scoops him up in a fallaway slam position. Cuban Wall rushes over to a turnbuckle, slamming the red head's back against the turnbuckle. Wall then runs over to another turnbuckle, slamming the red head's back against that one. Cuban Wall then rushes over to a third turnbuckle, and once again, the red head's back meets turnbuckle. Finally, Cuban Wall finishes with the fourth turnbuckle, and completes his signature move with a powerslam! COLE Cuban Wall is just DECIMATING his opponents tonight! COACH He's a man on a mission, Cole! He sees Colombian Heat in those two men! COLE Well, time will tell when and if he gets another title shot. COACH After tonight, he damn well better! Cuban Wall picks the chubby guy up. He gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. He follows with a Bossman Slam! Cuban Wall gets right back up and picks the red head up. He lifts him up onto his right shoulder...and then drops to his knees, giving him the Wallbreaker! COLE Wallbreaker! Wallbreaker on that opponent! COACH Good night! Cuban Wall throws the red head aside. CW picks the chubby mullet guy up. He's dazed and confused. Wall lifts the chubby mullet guy onto his right shoulder...and then drops to his knees, giving *him* the Wallbreaker! COLE And ANOTHER Wallbreaker! Cuban Wall taking both men down with a Wallbreaker! COACH Yes! That's the way to do it, Wall! Show 'em who's boss! Show 'em what ya got! Show 'em what ya got! Cuban Wall sneers at both of his opponents. He then runs forward, bounces off the ropes, runs forward, jumps up, and comes crashing down onto the chubby mullet guy! COLE The Lightning Crew Splash! Cuban Wall following up the Wallbreaker with The Lightning Crew Splash! COACH Wow-e! Wow! Wow! Wow! Cuban Wall feeling the effects of last week's 24/7 Title Match that's for sure! It's lit a fire under his ass! COLE It may have done so, Coach! Cuban Wall says something to the chubby mullet guy, and then gets up, runs towards the ropes, bounces off the ropes, runs forward, jumps up, and jumps down with The Lightning Crew Splash on the red head guy! COLE The Lightning Crew Splash! The Lightning Crew Splash! Two Lightning Crew Splashes for the price of one! COACH Excellent Wall! Way to go! Cuban Wall puts his left hand on the red head guy's chest, and his right hand on the chubby mullet guy's chest. Chad Patton counts. 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (2:29) "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And it's over! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing again. Cuban Wall has the McMahon SNEER~! etched on his face. BUFFER Here is your winner...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Chad Patton raises Cuban Wall's hands in victory, but Wall takes his hands away from him and threatens harm on the small referee. Wall sneers as he raises his hands in victory again. COLE Cuban Wall with a victory tonight, bouncing back quite nicely from last week! COACH Yeah! He didn't even break a sweat! Cuban Wall kicks the red head out of the ring onto the floor. Chad Patton checks on the chubby guy while Cuban Wall goes to get something. COLE The Muscle for The Lightning Crew looking for some redemption after losing the 24/7 Title last week. And he may have just found it. I'm sure Tha Puerto Rican is proud of his performance tonight. COACH I'm sure he is. The leader of The Lightning Crew only wants the best, and Cuban Wall just showed the world why he is considered one of the best! COLE Time will tell if he gets another shot at the 24/7 Title. COACH Cole, after his performance tonight, the OAOAST Board of Directors should be setting up a rematch right this instance! What's taking them so long? COLE The match just ended, Coach. COACH So? Come on! Time's a wasting! Let's go! Hurry up! Hop to it! Chop! Chop! COLE Oy vey. Cuban Wall has a microphone in his right hand. COACH Cuban Wall's going to speak! SHHHH! COLE I wonder what he's going to say? COACH Like I said, SHHHH! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd boos loudly. Chad Patton helps the chubby mullet guy out of the ring. Cuban Wall is still mighty pissed off. CUBAN WALL Now...listen here and listen closely. Cuz, I'm only going to say this once! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" CUBAN WALL What happened last week...will never...ever...EVER...EVER...EVER happen again! NEVER...EVER! Do you hear me!? NEVER...EVER...EVER...EVER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!? NEVER...EVER...EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN! NEVER EVER! EVER! Cuban Wall drops the microphone and exits the ring as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing again. The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall jaws with a fan at ringside who presumably said something about the 3-second title lost last week. Cuban Wall threatens bodily harm on him. COLE Well...I think we got the message loud and clear. COACH Yes. What happened last week will never EVER happen again! NEVER EVER EVER EVER! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER-- COLE Coach! Okay! I got it the first time! Don't need to repeat it. Cuban Wall already repeated it enough! Fans, we'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~! right after this! Cuban Wall walks up the entrance ramp, his eyes focused solely on the entrance, looking very much like he's in a bad mood. The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall exits through the entrance doors as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds continues playing. FADE OUT COMING UP NEXT LAST MAN STANDING The Rockers Vs The Gunslingers NEXT We fade in on a shot of the New York City skyline as the sun sets. Mellow music plays. We then see rapid fire shots of various New York City landmarks: the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue Of Liberty, Central Park. The World's Most Famous Arena. Cut to a shot of Madison Square Garden. The World's Greatest City. Cut to a shot of the New York City skyline at night. The biggest event of the summer. Cut to the OAOAST AngleSlam 2007 logo. Triumphant music plays. OAOAST ANGLESLAM LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEW YORK, NEW YORK SIX WEEKS AWAY! NOT VINCE McMAHON, BUT A VERY CLOSE SOUNDALIKE ANGLESLAM 2007! THE SINGLE GREATEST ANGLESLAM OF ALL-TIME!!! Fireworks explode. We fade out. COMMERCIALS

COLE Well folks, earlier today it was announced that a Battlebowl battle royal will take place at Syndicated, with the winner meeting the WDW World champion at AngleSlam! Eight of the 16 spots have automatically been awarded to WDW holdovers, with the other eight to be determined in four Battlebowl tag team matches, the first of which is right now! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a Battlebowl tag team match! *crowd cheers* BUFFER Here are the rules. Four names will be drawn at random, with the first two men drawn comprising one team, and the third and fourth man comprising the other. The winning team will advance to the Battlebowl battle royal at Syndicated, July 28, from London, England! And now, for the drawing. Cut to the AngleTron, where a small portrait of every OAOAST superstar is shown, with a flashing outline moving randomly around the boxes. The screen then changes, showing full-size pictures of each superstar at random, before finally stopping on...MARIANO! COLE And it's one of the Burrough Boys, Mariano! COACH Big opportunity for Mariano here, to go on to Battlebowl and potentially a shot at the World title! DJ Clue's Super Mario Remix hits, and Mariano makes his way to the ring, to the boos of the crowd. COLE He's got some big names to go through if he wants to get to that point, though! Mariano steps into the ring, as the music stops, and the drawing starts once again. The box moves around, then the pictures are shown, before stopping on...DR. MAX ANDERSON! COLE And here comes one of the Love Doctors, it's Dr. Max Anderson! Mariano waves his arm in disgust at the screen, as Bad Case of Loving You hits, and Anderson makes his way to the ring. COLE And here's another guy who would not normally get a chance to compete for a singles title of any kind, but via the random drawing, finds himself in the running for Battlebowl! (I typed "Battleblow" at first, LOL.) As the music stops, Mariano and Max stand in the same corner, but try to keep their distance. The drawing starts up once again, and the pictures shuffle before stopping on...CONQUISTADOR UNO! COACH This must be underdog night in the OAOAST! COLE One of the Conquistadors on his way out, I believe this is Uno... Gold Dust Woman plays, and Uno walks towards the ring. Uno is still posing in the middle of the aisle, as the drawing starts up once again, with the pictures stopping on...MISTER WARRIOR~!!! COACH Oh, no. COLE Oh my! COACH Don't tell me this lunatic is going to Battlebowl! Black Sweat hits, and MISTER Warrior runs through the curtains with his arms in the air, then starts pumping his right arm in the air, before hitting a clothesline on his own partner in the aisle! COACH See, look at this guy! He's beating up his own partner! COLE I think MISTER Warrior is a little confused with the procedings here! COACH He's a little confused with everything! MISTER Warrior slides into the ring, and runs to all four ropes, before stopping in mid-ring and pumping his arms in the air. As he is doing this, Mariano sneaks into the ring and hits a knee to the back! *DING DING DING* COLE And we're underway! COACH But MISTER Warrior's partner is still out on the floor! Mariano stomps away on MISTER Warrior, then backs into the ropes and hits a sliding dropkick! MISTER Warrior is still shaking on the mat as Mariano scales the ropes...and goes for the SOMERSAULT LEGDROP~!!!...but MISTER Warrior rolls out of the way and to the side of the ring, grabbing the ropes and shaking them! COLE And MISTER Warrior dodges that bullet, and he's shaking those ropes! Mariano hammers MISTER Warrior as he gets to his feet, and then does his dance around the ring! MISTER Warrior blocks a punch, and delivers a MASSIVE right of his own! And a second! And a third! MISTER Warrior runs to the ropes, and delivers a big clothesline! And a second! And a third! He then knocks Dr. Anderson off the apron with another big clothesline! COLE MISTER Warrior on a roll! MISTER Warrior swings blindly at the referee, who ducks, then pumps his arms into the air! COACH Look at this idiot! MISTER Warrior runs to the ropes, then back to the other side of the ropes, and floors Mariano with a big flying shoulderblock! MISTER Warrior then pumps his arms in the air once again, before lifting Mariano overhead, and dropping him to the mat! Uno is just climbing onto the apron as MISTER Warrior pounds on his own chest. He then slaps Uno on the hand, and drags him into the ring. COACH And now he tags out to his partner, who he already beat up! Warrior lifts Uno overhead, and presses him onto Mariano! COLE Look at this! 1... 2... 3!!! COACH You've got to be kidding me! COLE That may be the shortest match in Battlebowl history! MISTER Warrior and the Conquistador advance! BUFFER The winners of the match, advancing to Battlebowl...the team of MISTER WARRIOR and CONQUISTADOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COACH I don't believe this. Black Sweat plays, as MISTER Warrior pounds his chest and the referee raises Uno's hand, then MISTER Warrior runs to the ropes and floors both men with a double clothesline! COLE Oh, this guy's a maniac! COACH This guy's an idiot. COLE Another Battlebowl match to come tonight, as MISTER Warrior and Conquistador Uno advance to join the eight WDW holdovers already in the Battlebowl battle royal! Let's go to Josh! fukk u cole, let's not. A jarring montage of a coastal beach town rife with war torn streets, and overflowing with acts of bullet riddled brutality is shown. Interspersed over the scenes of chaotic bloodshed are near transparent closeups of major tag teams, such as Chicks Over Dicks, Team Heyross, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, etc. The soundtrack of booming operatic power perfectly matches the on screen urban hell. If you know what movie is being ripped off I will give you a dollar. Three Titles HI-YAH Tag Team Championship, WDW Tag team Championship, OAOAST World Tag Team Championship All alike in dignity In fair Minneapolis where we lay our scene From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean From forth the fatal brawl of these six foes The Heavenly Rockers WDW Tag Team Champions Team Heyross HI-YAH Tag Team champions The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew D*LUX The South Central Militia OAOAST world tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks A group of star-crossed titles are unified One and Only World Tag Team Championship HeldDOWN~! August 2nd, Minneapolis, Minnesota Tag Team Scramble Cage Match to crown the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. The video ends with an image of Logan Mann standing in the center of war stricken city, screaming into the sky. There's a powerful rise of violence within the music followed by a wrenching end.

today some bitch from Mississippi tried to tell me lil boosie> pac, if the ho hadn't been six foot two I would've grabbed her by her fucked up weave game and tossed her into the fukkin ocean. west coast>>>NYC>>>>>anal warts>>aids>>>sex w/grandmother>>>jerking off your father>>>a whole bunch of other messed up shit>>>>>>>the south.

Christian Wright may say some shit. The participants in the tag title unification match may be announced. naked pictures of Zack may be posted :ph34r: :ph34r:

PRL you can stick the 24/7 match anywhere you want

COLE Right now, let's take you up to the ring and our master of ceremonies for the evening, the incomporable Mene Gene Okerlund! We cut to the ring which has been lined with a lavish red carpet during our last time-out. After all, this is a formal event and what would a format event (in professional wrestling) be without a red carpet. An official looking figure stands at the head of the table set up in the ring, while at the foot stands the forementioned "Mene" Gene with microphone in hand. OKERLUND Ladies and gentlemen, we are just about ready for the official contract signing for your main-event at AngleSlam 2007, eminating from Madison Square Garden! A respectful round of applause just about drowns out some scattered boos. OKERLUND Mark the date down on your calenders, August 26th in New York City, the sixth annual edition of AngleSlam. And headlining, a battle between two 'controversial' OAOAST superstars. One of it's newest taking on a true veteran of this ring. It promises to be an intriguing match-up for sure. And we're going to sign on the dotted line right here, right now here in Atlanta! Up goes a cheap pop, Gene redeeming his earlier New York references. OKERLUND So without further ado, let's get our champion and our challenger out here. It is my pleasure to introduce you first to the challenger come August 26th. A man who's name is synonimous with the OAOAST and has been for the past four plus years. But, he is a man who has never captured the golden ring, the World Heavyweight Championship. And he would love nothing more than to do so in a setting such as Madison Square Garden. He is the man cashing in his Golden Contract with that hope in mind, please welcome "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... he is PUERTO RICAN LLLIIIGHTNING!!! The lights go down in the arena. The crowd instantly start buzzing, probably just pleased that the unexpected blackout has stopped the World Champion's singing. But after a few seconds the fans aren't quite so cheery, as Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. The entrance doors slide open and out come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, his girlfriend and Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzale and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick! The crowd boos away as PRL holds his black briefcase spray-painted with L.C. in yellow high, which of course contains his Golden Contract inside. COLE Well, there is the challenger. We saw last week, PRL crashed the party of our new World Champion... turn about fair play perhaps, as if not for the interventions of Todd Cortez and The South Central Militia, PRL might have beaten Maddix to the punch in cashing in his contract on Zack Malibu. COACH Might have? Boricua and Vitamin X hit the ring first, they had Zack right where PR wanted him. If Landon hadn't had the same idea and the same type of opportunity with his contract, that man on the way to the ring would finally have won the OAOAST World Title that's eluded him for so long. COLE And look at this, no Lightning Crew. Popick obviously ever-present and Lindsay... COACH Miss Lindsay. COLE Yeah yeah. But no Boricua, no Wall, no Vitamin X. That's a good sign. PRL, Lindsay and Popick enter the ring and PRL again raises his briefcase in the air. The trio then breeze past Okerlund to take their places, eager to get the formalities over with. A microphone sit among the papers and Tha Puerto Rican typically notes it, ignoring the contract itself. OKERLUND And now ladies and gentlemen, let's bring out the other half of our main-event. He is the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, a man with a laundry list of accolades in this business that few others can compare with. But come AngleSlam, he will be making his first PPV defence of the OAOAST World Title... quite possibly his first defence, period. Right now, let's hear it for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World... "LA CUCARACHA"... LANDON MMMMMMMADDIX!!!! "REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!" "Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson hits, as from behind the entrance doors comes Todd Cortez. Of course, he's just leading the way (rather far out ahead mind you) for Megan Skye, who heralds the arrival of Landon Maddix. Landon stops at the top of the ramp and adjusts the title sitting over his left shoulder, grinning away like a chesire cat as he shrugs, as if to say "yep, I know I'm great". COLE Landon, also looking a little light in the entourage stakes. We saw earlier what happened with The South Central Militia, he's lucky PRL didn't bring his entire back-up with him. COACH Nevermind that Cole. Come on, this is the WORLD CHAMPION! Is that the best intro you can give? COLE Well he is the World Champion. And he's just under seven weeks away from his first date with destiny, AngleSlam 2007. Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. PRL, Popick, Lindsay and even Todd watch on pretty unanimously unimpressed as Landon finally stops with the posing and goes to take his seat. OKERLUND Now gentlemen, before... Going to put his belt down, Landon notices the eager look on Tha Puerto Rican's face and thinks twice. He positions Cortez at his side before sitting down, setting the belt on his shoulder, right in PRL's eyeline. OKERLUND ...before we go any further, do any of you have any questions. Talk about waving a red rag at a bull. Quick as a flash, both men go for the mic. After a brief tussle over it, Landon manages to snatch it away, to muttered curses from PR. MADDIX I don't have any questions, but I've got something I'd like to say. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX First and foremost, it's Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. It's like Oreo filling, if it's not in the middle, it's just not right. And secondly, I just want to make one thing clear. Gene, you said something about this being my first Pay Per View OAOAST World Title defence at AngleSlam and you may be right. But this won't be my first rodeo, so to speak. I've done it all a dozen times in the past. I've main-evented countless SWF PPVs, often as the defending World Champion. Of course, I needn't remind people I am the only man to have won both the SWF and the OAOAST's World Championships. The point is, nobody... especially YOU, 'PRL', should be worried about yours truly getting stage-fright in the Garden. Landon points the finger right down the barrel of PRL's eyeline. MADDIX You and I have one thing in common, neither of us have defended this belt before. The difference is, I've been a World Champion. I've been there, I've done that and I'm doing it yet again. If anything, everybody should be worried about you CHOKING yet again with the big gold on the line! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And the gloves are off early! Looking up at Popick, PRL is fuming. Quickly, Popick demands that Gene Okerlund hand him his microphone, which immediately finds it's way into PRL's hand. PRL First of all, you should know your role... and SHUT your MOUTH! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Not impressed, Landon makes a 'yawning' motion with his hand, lounging back in his seat. PRL Who in the hell do you think you are, to come into the OAOAST, the promotion that Tha Puerto Rican built and to run your mouth at me!? Who!? Let me tell you something buddy, I couldn't give a flying CRAP about what you've done in the SWF, the XWF, the WWF, wherever the hell you've been! You are in Tha Puerto Rican's yard now! I have left more blood, sweat and tears... tears of joy... in an OAOAST ring than you could ever hope to. This is my destiny! AngleSlam, this isn't about you. This is about Tha Puerto Rican realising his dream of finally capturing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, the title I have been screwed out of time and time again in the past! And when it's all said and done... all the smoke has cleared, the dust has settled... Landon Maddix, you can go back to the SWF with your head held high and you can tell Joe Nobody and Bob What'shisface and the rest of the SWF jabronis that you got your ass kicked by the OAOAST's finest! MADDIX Oh, this is 'your yard', huh? Listen buddy, you may be a big name in OAOAST folklore. But rest assured, you are a nobody in my world. And this belt says the OAOAST IS my world! PRL Yeah, well, this middle finger says 'up yours'! *flips Landon off!* Landon's eyes bug open. MADDIX Oh yeah!? Well... Landon begins to pantomime some rather homosexual 'mouth movements', which gets PRL on his feet ready to snap. OKERLUND Gentlemen, PLEASE! A little decorum, PLEASE, this is an official contract signing! Trying to look apologetic, Landon slowly stops his pantomiming. PRL slowly sits back down, unballing his fist. MADDIX So, what happened to the rest of your cronies? Where's... where's Vitamin Barn? PRL Vitamin X!? MADDIX Yeah, that guy. Isn't that your M.O, safety in numbers? PRL Well, it's clearly not yours now, is it? I mean seriously, I feel a little bad. If I'd have known you were going to bring ALL your friends and family out here, I might have done the same. Landon glares a little at the suggestion and prepares to show PR his list of contacts on his cellphone. PRL But no, I jest. Listen, you're new to all this, here in the OAOAST. Maybe you don't realise who you're dealing with, The Lightning Crew. Take a look at my beautiful fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. She's holding the gold. That's just a little preview of what's going to happen at AngleSlam. MADDIX I hope not. Seriously, I happen to value my personal appearance. If I ever wake up looking like THAT, you won't see me around here for dust! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Uh-oh. COLE This is getting personal now. PRL (raising his voice) I'll have you know, my fiancee is the most dominant and most beautiful woman in the OAOAST! MADDIX Yeah, on Opposite Day! LINDSAY COLE What the hell does that mean!? PRL Listen, just because you ended up with a horsefaced woman for company, don't go ta... MADDIX Horsefaced!? Well, at least she doesn't look like an underage curb-crawler! PRL She is not underage! And at least mine doesn't like a VERY experienced curb-crawler, like yours! MADDIX Your momma! PRL Oh, you didn't just bring Momma Puerto Rican into this! MADDIX Uh-huh! PRL Nuh-uh! MADDIX Yuh-hu... OKERLUND DAMNIT ENOUGH! Both PRL and Landon turn around in shock at the interruption. Poor Lindsay and Megan both look close to tears at the poor attempts at defending their honour put forward by their men. PRL Don't you EVER interrupt the Champ again you worthless jabroni! MADDIX Yeah, don't interrupt the Champ. I'm the Champ. Don't interrupt me. PRL Not for long. MADDIX Yes for long. OKERLUND STOP IT, STOP! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN HERE! ........ PRL He started it. Pouting, Landon picks up PRL's copy of the contract and throws it a few inches down the table, to the future challenger's SHOCK~! COACH This is getting out of hand! COLE (fighting back laughter) This is getting ridiculous. Even the mighty Mene Gene seems to be struggling to keep the petulant AngleSlam main-eventers under control. Suddenly, "Medal" hits, and the crowd erupts at the very sound of it, as it can only mean the arrival of one man...the owner of the OAOAST himself, ANGLESAULT! COACH I bet he's here to can yo' ass for laughing on the job! COLE I think he's got bigger fish to fry than that, Coach! Dressed well in a three-piece suit, Anglesault comes down the aisle and gets into the ring, much to the chagrin of both champion and challenger. Anglesault shakes Gene Okerlund's hand before taking the mic from him, and now the man who signs the checks has an open forum. ANGLESAULT Listen girls... The crowd pops, laughing at Anglesault's unoriginal, yet humorous statement. Landon pounds the table and waves a finger in his face, while PRL shouts at Anglesault, both accusing him of stealing their spotlight. ANGLESAULT Before we delve further into HeldDOWN~! becoming an episode of Laugh-In, I've got a serious matter I'd like to address, that being the main event of this August's pay per view spectacular, AngleSlam. Landon and PRL perk up, wondering exactly what's so serious about their title match. ANGLESAULT See guys, I have no problem with the two of you main eventing AngleSlam. Landon Maddix, you were able to cash in on your guaranteed title shot and walk away as the OAOAST World Champion just a few weeks ago, right here on HeldDOWN~! Now, I know that you, PRL, take issue with what went down that night, and have claimed YOUR title shot, asking that it be at AngleSlam to be held in New York City. Both men agree with what Anglesault has to say so far... ANGLESAULT BUT... ...there's the word they feared. ANGLESAULT It was brought to my attention that there is someone else on the OAOAST roster deserving of a title shot. Now, I very well couldn't pull Tha Puerto Rican out of the match that he earned, but I know what's fair, and I know a big business opportunity when I see it. After consulting with my advisors, namely Bill Watts and the other two that I've dubbed the "Three Wise Men", we came to a conclusion. That on August 26th, at AngleSlam, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix WILL defend his OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Tha Puerto Rican... MADDIX We KNOOOOOOOW! Could we skip the dramatics and cut to the chase...what's the deal here? Winner takes on whoever you have lined up? Or are you gonna throw one of us to the lions while we're preparing for the match? ANGLESAULT Neither, Mr. Maddix. Instead, as of RIGHT NOW, I am ruling that the main event at AngleSlam become a THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! The crowd roars, and Tha Puerto Rican can't believe he's not getting his one on one shot, protesting the call. Meanwhile, Maddix is having a shitfit, stomping and pouting because now he's got to worry about not one, but two opponents... ...and that's when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and nearly blows the roof off the place! ANGLESAULT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, introducing the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Title, getting his right as former champion to challenge at AngleSlam...ZAAAAAAAACK MALIBU! Malibu, in street clothes, comes out and powerwalks to the ring, while Maddix is flipping out. Putting his title belt on the table, he accosts Anglesault, pushing the company namesake into a corner and grabbing him by the collar...until Malibu slides into the ring, takes Landon by the scruff of the neck, and hurls him over the ropes to the floor! COLE Landon Maddix making a rough exit from the ring! Malibu turns around, and now he's face to face with Tha Puerto Rican, who is not too happy with Malibu sticking his nose into his business, ruining his one on one matchup with the man who screwed him out of using his Golden Contact on Zack Malibu. It's a tense moment for the two men, until Zack walks by him, takes the contract, flips to the last page, and signs. Malibu then takes the contract and jams it into PRL's chest, letting him know that the past crimes of The Lightning Crew against him have not been forgotten. Tha Puerto Rican, giving Malibu the evil eye, puts the contract on the table and signs it as well, officially making both men challengers for Landon Maddix at Angleslam, much to the chagrin of the brash superstar. COLE Can you believe this turn of events!? Zack Malibu, who lost the title due to Landon Maddix taking advantage of his weakened state, is using his rematch clause to disrupt the encounter between Tha Puerto Rican and Landon Maddix! COACH This is BIG, Cole. This is bigger than your sister big! COLE I don't HAVE a sister, Coach. COACH Damn it...I knew I shoulda went with a "your momma" joke there. Maddix hops up on the apron, dangling the World Title at both PRL and Zack. Malibu steps towards him, and Landon hops off the railing. Throwing the belt over his shoulder, he points at both Tha Puerto Rican and Malibu, promising them that they're just going to be notches in his belt, as he backs away. Malibu and PRL's eyes follow Maddix as he stands in the aisle and raises the World Title belt up to boos, while Anglesault claims the signed contract in the background. COLE Landon Maddix is our World Champion, but he may be living on borrowed time, because he has to deal with not one, but TWO challengers with personal vendettas against him! Nevermind the summer heat...at Angleslam I think we're guaranteed a MELTDOWN in our main event! FADE OUT.

Our show opens with a view of a suit clad Anglesault sitting within his backstage office. ANGLESAULT I didn't think I'd be doing another one of these announcements anytime soon, but here goes. As many of you may well know, I have a terribly hectic work schedule. Conference call with investors at 8, meeting with television execs at ten, flight down to OAOVW at twelve to do some scouting and progress reports, and still have to make it back to New York in time to see Bobby Abreu be a miserable waste of a roster spot. Somehow I'm still able to get some semblance of sleep between all this. Unfortunately this Monday, my peaceful rest was disturbed by a disconcerting phone call. The voice on the other end was panicked, distraught, and crippled by alarm. His rambling was unstoppable, I couldn't settle him down long enough to be coherent. When you get that kind of call at the crack of dawn you think the worst. A-Rod's gone down with an injury, Cashman just reacquired Jeff Weaver, or the OAOAST brass went behind my back and hired Stuart Scott as an announcer! But I quickly found out that this news, was very good news. You see, fans, the trembling voice on the other end belonged to Axel, head of WDW. Or should I say former head of WDW. Why former head? Because it's hard to be president of a promotion that no longer exists. And why doesn't WDW exist anymore? Because Axel, as he told me on the phone, couldn't handle the pressure of being the boss. The contracts, the match making, the egos, the political bickering and back stabbing was too much for Axel to stomach. He was desperate to get rid of WDW and offered to sell it to me for the low price of one hundred thousand dollars. I bought it for ninety thousand. His loss is your immediate gain, fans, because not only do you get to see the return of superstar's like Alfdogg and Team Heyross, but the tag title unification match of the HI-YAH and OAOAST belts has been amended to include the WDW tag titles. And not only that the actual title unification bout has been changed to the first ever Scramble Cage tag team match to crown new One and Only Wolrd Tag Team Champions! This exciting bout will include the greatest tag teams the OAOAST has to offer, all duking it out for the most coveted possession in all of tag team wrestling. I personally can not wait. As Anglesault sits with a self satisfied grin we fade out. Patty sez: I'm trynna get my punk ass out the grind and on my millions. So tonight you're all gonna help Patty study for his physical science test which is in about twelve hours. So instead of the usual intro where I lament the fact that the whiteman and his finger snapping, ringtone rappers from the south murdered hip-hop let's talk about volume and density. If you ad oxygen to a scuba tank, the volume of the tank will remain the same, however the mass will rise. This leads to the density rising because density is a measure of mass per volume. I think that's good for at least an F+, so let's see the logo. Into the arena we go, where America's favorite announce team awaits to call tonight's proceedings. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN! I'm Michael Cole, joined as always by the Coach! COACH We in Hotlanta tonight, and our show is red hot! The Enterprise, Landon Maddix, The Gunslingers, and many more all here tonight in big Georgia! COLE For right now let's turn things over to Michael Buffer. (Or is it Bruce Buffer? Patty doesn't know!) BUFFER The following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... Rick Ross ft Akon and "Cross That Line" hits right on cue, bringing out The South Central Militia. The OAOAST's very own hired guns march out through the smoke clouded stage, Vincent Santana letting out a primal roar while at his side Marcellus Wallace flashes some gang signs. The duo make their way to the ring, the camera hovering towards the AngleTron, which now prominently features The Militia's recent attacks on one Zack Malibu. BUFFER On the way to the ring, hailing from South Central Los Angeles. Weighing in at a combined four hundred and sixty pounds... they are former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE... VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD... THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Two equal opportunity ass-kicker right there. It doesn't matter who, it doesn't matter where, all that matters is how much they're getting to do it. Vinny and Moe enter the ring, the more mobile Santana sliding in and taking issue with Michael Buffer about something as One Eye makes a more leisurely entrance up the ring steps. The shortest reigning OAOAST Tag Team Champions in history forgoe the usual warm-ups and instead fire one another up. A shoving match between the two escalates into a nose to nose, before a fist-pump settles it down. "You say its urgent Make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent Gotta rush, make it urgent" In the meantime, Foreigner's "Urgent" plays, to a much warmer response from the Georgia faithful. Through the sliding entrance doors comes a wave of babyface cheer, thanks to Rescue 911! BUFFER And, their opponents. At a total combined weight of four hundred, eighty five pounds. Hailing from The OAOAST First Responders Unit... they are EMT TIM CASH and OFFICER TANGO BOSLEY... RESCUE 9... 1... 1!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Earlier in the week, Rescue 911 had these comments ahead of this match-up... OAOAST A small square box SWOOPS~ in and settles on the upper right hand side of the picture. There, Officer Bosley and EMT Tim stand in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. OFFICER BOSLEY Hey, this is Officer Tango Bosley here and this is my tag-team partner, EMT Tim Cash. Since coming to the OAOAST we've encountered many teams who fly in the face of the same three basic principles that we aim to live by. To serve the public's trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law. The South Central Militia are one such team. In recent weeks, they have been carrying out attacks on an innocent superstar, Mr. Zack Malibu, for money. As an officer of the law, I don't look kindly upon those sort of actions. Be forewarned, all the ill-gotten money in the world cannot derail the wheels of justice. If you travel the highway of crime, sooner or later you must pay the toll. EMT TIM And remember, all you kids out there: crime doesn't pay. There's nothing more satisfying than making an honest living! HELDDOWN~! COACH 'Mr. Zack Malibu'? Jeez, somebody's pushing for a raise. COLE Come on now! *DINGDINGDING!* Back in the arena and Rescue 911 have long since finished their hand-slapping and baby-kissing tour of ringside and are ready to go. It'll be EMT Tim to start with Vincent Santana, the two more agile team-members. EMT Tim gets the crowd going early with some rhythmic clapping, which Vinny doesn't appreciate one bit. He tells the crowd to "", which surprisingly doesn't work. COLE This crowd sure to be on Rescue 911's side as always here on HeldDOWN~! A couple of fine upstanding young men, a real contrast to the 'hitmen for hire' they're facing tonight. COACH A few weeks ago, this guy was fighting over a signed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio. Who the hell is he to be casting aspersions on anyone!? COLE That's besides the point. Rescue 911 stand for all that's good in the world. COACH Please, they're a couple of do-gooders. Stinking do-gooders. What business is it of these two how Vinny and 'Cell earn a living? Finally we lock-up in the centre of the ring, Santana quickly taking the low road with a knee to the abdomen of the EMT. A clubbing shot to the back follows before Vinny turns to the crowd and lets out a cry of "SOUTH CENTRAL!" A rousing cry of "BOO!" fires right back at him, so he turns his attentions back to EMT Tim, looking for an irish whip. Reversal from Tim though and a BAAAAAACK bodydrop sends Vinny airborne! Popping right back to his feet it's clear Santana is feeling it as he clutches his back, leaving himself open for a dropkick. Again Vinny is quickly back up, but back down he quickly goes from a second dropkick, before EMT Tim makes a quick tag out. COLE Officer Bosley in, this guy is a real athlete. It seems the quick switch has confused Vincent Santana as he stumbles around the ring, looking for his opponent but finding instead a different type of opposition. The 265 pound Bosley scoops Santana up with ease and holds him, pausing for dramatic effect before SLAMMING Santana down! BOSLEY C'MOOONN! COLE Big scoop slam and the Officer is feeling good right about now! Bosley fires up the crowd before making a u-turn and running the ropes. Unfortunately for him though, he runs the same side Marcellus Wallace is patrolling and gets a knee to the small of the back for his troubles! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You were saying? As Bosley stumbles out of the ropes, a quick lunging clothesline from Vinny puts him down. Vinny then crawls over to make the tag, bringing Wallace in while referee Mike Chioda is busy fending off the complaints from EMT Tim from the outside. Grinning from ear to ear, Wallace tells the EMT to "watch this" as he pulls Bosley to his feet, scooping and slamming the Officer with a similiar show of strength to the one he had shown moments earlier. Bosley nurses the kidneys as Wallace drops the big elbow and covers... 1... 2... No! Adjusting the black patch over his right eye, Wallace backs into a corner and just waits. Bosley is slower to his feet and already stretching out a hand, searching for a tag. Another knee low in the back cuts him off though. And the momentum of a 250 pounder charging him from behind sends Officer Bosley sprawling forwards, crashing hard into a neutral corner! COLE We've seen the damage these two men can do to the human ribcage in the past few weeks. Although, they don't have an 2x4s or lead-pipes in the ring with them... COACH They don't need them Michael. Sure, it's more fun with than without, but I'm sure they'll make do. Marcellus follows into the corner, turning the injured Bosley around and firing off with some Vader-esque bodyshots from the left and right sides. The referee tries in vain to get Marcellus to give a clean break, Bosley clawing forward in an attempt to get the break more forcefully. Eventually Moe does break. But as he gets admonished by referee Chioda for his slow forthcoming, it allows Vincent Santana to make an undetected break down the apron and clothesline Bosley just as he was coming out of the corner, to the destain of the Atlanta crowd! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Seeing Santana three quarters of the way down the apron, Chioda obviously has some questions to be asked. Vinny fends them off though, in his own unique style. COLE Well, I'm sure the FCC will have something to say about that language. And we apologise for that fans. Tag is made on the Militia side and the potty-mouthed Vincent Santana is back in. Vinny jumps on Bosley's back with a double stomp on his way over to EMT Tim, daring him to step into the ring. The law-abiding Tim manages to keep his composure for now, so Vinny goes back on the attack. Some more stomps to the back find the mark on Bosley, before he's dragged over to the ropes. Ducking out through the ropes, Vinny sets, slingshotting back in with the hílo, bringing his 210 pound frame down across the lower back of Officer Bosley. He has the sense to then follow up with a cover... 1... 2... But Bosley kicks out. Vinny's response? A blatant choke of course. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Risking disqualification, Vinny breaks at the last possible moment before tagging his partner back in. Sensing his partner is in trouble, EMT Tim tries to rally the crowd, even as Marcellus plants his boot in the back of Bosley's head. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" JOEY STYLES SOMEBODY CALL 911~! COLE Hey, get out of here! Marcellus grabs a chunk of the Officer's hair and drags him to his feet, earning yet another warning. Which yet again falls on deaf ears. A hard bodyshot puts Bosley on the ropes, Marcellus delighting in the pain of the Officer and daring the "pig" to "bring it!" Bosley tries to do just that, but after two right hands he gets abruptly cut off with a knee, before an uppercut lifts him off his feet and all the way over the top to the floor!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOW! COACH Well, according my notes Bosley was 6'5" coming in. We might need to double-check that now though! Making himself useful, Vinny Santana leaves the apron to collect Bosley from ringside. That doesn't go down to well with the referee either, but Vinny doesn't do any more than dump Bosley back inside, which isn't really grounds for a DQ. Using the ropes for help, Bosley reaches his feet... ...and walks right into a Bearhug!! COLE Wallace sinking in a Bearhug here. Slow, methodical, The South Central Militia are beginning to enjoy this now. COACH You bet they are. Bosley instantly sinks forward and it looks bleak for the enforcer of the law as 'Cell sinks the hold in deep. With his partner encouraging him to squeeze the life out of his opponent, Wallace tightens his grip around the waist, causing a shout of pain from Bosley. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" Again the crowd are drummed into voice by EMT Tim though. And it seems to be working as Bosley's eyes widen, looking out into the crowd... AND THE FIST STARTS PUMPING!! COACH Uh-oh. COLE Oh yeah! Officer Bosley drawing on some reserve energy here! The fist keeps a-pumping as Bosley draws on the support of the thousands in attendance, finally summoning enough to drive that fist into Marcellus' head! Moe rocks back but keeps the bearhug applied. Another right hand rocks him, but again, no give in the hold. And infact Wallace tightens his grip, which seems to suck the life out of Bosley's comeback. For a moment that is, before Bosley suddenly raises up his arms and tries to slip them in between his body and Moe's! COLE Bosley trying to break this bearhug. And a guy who's put together like he is stands as good a chance as anyone of accomplishing it! With Wallace looking on with confusion, Bosley slips the arm in... and suddenly, the South Central native feels his hands begin to slip apart! Bosley then slips the second arm in between and suddenly Marcellus is struggling to keep any hold applied, as the Officer gets his arms underneath Wallace's and starts to lift his way up and out! Wallace is powerless to do anything about it and before he knows it the hold is broken, allowing Bosley to hit a desperation Inverted Atomic Drop before he energy level bottoms out!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Both men are down and the crowd are renewed in support of Bosley after his miraculous escape! COLE What a show of strength and determination from Officer Bosley! And now, can he make the tag he needs to EMT Tim? Crawling past each other, Bosley and Wallace both look for the tag to a fresh partner. 'One Eye' is moving with some discomfort after the inverted atomic drop but still manages to make it to the corner first, bringing Vincent Santana in. And Vinny zips into the ring, diving to cut off... ...THE TAG, Santana a second too late as here comes EMT Tim! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Yes! Tag is made, here comes the EMT! Back-tracking, Santana tries to get a run-up on a big clothesline. Tim ducks the line though and as Santana puts on the brakes, he gets caught in the back of the head with the heel of Tim Cash! COLE Backbrain heelkick, great agility there! In moves Marcellus Wallace, taking a dropkick that puts him through the ropes to the floor. EMT Tim is all fired up now and he pins Santana in the Rescue 911 corner, scaling to the middle floor... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" ...raining down the punches as the crowd count along in that finest of wrestling traditions. Leaping off the ropes Tim now whips Santana corner to corner, getting a full head of steam up and following in... NOBODY HOME! Vinny manages to scoot out of the corner and the EMT crashes hard into the turnbuckles. And to compound his misery, he finds himself right in the heart of South Central, as Marcellus climbs back up to the apron and hangs him over the top rope throat first! COLE From the outside, a hotshot from Wallace! Snapping back off the ropes, EMT Tim staggers around, right into a DIAMOND CUTTER from Santana! The cover... 1... 2... ...NO! Save by Officer Bosley! Despite still feeling his back, Bosley goes on the attack as Marcellus tries to get in the ring to even the odds. Bosley meets him with some shots over the back, raining down on Moe until Santana comes in from behind with a well-placed knee to the kidneys. Bosley is stopped in his tracks. Allowing Marcellus to extend the thumb and fire the SILVER BULLET right into the corroted artery! COACH Officer down! Officer down, HAHA! The South Central Militia turn their attentions back to EMT Tim as he struggles to his feet. A double whip sends him into the far ropes. And as he rebounds back, he gets cut down with a Spear from Wallace, just as Vinny comes off the ropes behind with the flying enhanced forearm!! COLE Jailbreak! This one is over. COACH And how! 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Cross That Line" hits again as Wallace and Santana pump fists again, over the fallen body of EMT Tim. BUFFER Your winners of the contest, THE SOUTH CENTRAL MMIIIIIILLLLIIIIIIIITTIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The SCM, isolating and destroying here tonight, first taking out Bosley and then hitting the Jailbreak. From there it was academic. COACH It was academic from the moment the bell rung Mikey. These two took out Zack Malibu, they were hardly gonna be troubled by the boys in uniform were they? This was just an "hors d'oeuvre" for the Militia. They've got their eyes set on plenty of bigger meal-tickets than this, trust me! With their work done for the night the Militia leave, leaving a behind them the fallen Officer and EMT. Vinny takes a glance back over his shoulder at the carnage and smiles to himself as we fade off. COMMERCIAL BREAK (Knowledge kicked: If you add heat to an iron bar the volume will increase, however the density will decrease due to a state change. This is one of the few times density can change, given that it is a characteristic property. )

We're taken backstage to The Enterprise dressing room, where Theodore Moneymaker sits at the head of a rather long conference table. As I have that physics test to study for I won't bother you with a bunch of details, but just know that Simon has preoccupied himself with one those pins where you click the top and the woman inside loses her clothes. SINGLETON (to Mackenzie) Hehehehe, look at this. Click! Clothes. Click! No clothes! Hooohoohooo, will the wonders of modern technology ever cease, brudda man? MACKENZIE I'm a woman, Simon. A woman! WRIGHT Silence! Silence! Silence! Miser Moneymaker desires an audience. MONEYMAKER Thank you, Mister Wright. Eight months ago the OAOAST went from a small potatoes pro wrestling outfit, breathing it's last breath, to a multi-national mega conglomeration, readily devouring it's underfunded competition. How did this happen? Certainly not through the shrewd moves of a man named after a psychotic pill popping roid freak. No it happened because Theodore Moneymaker, Yale alumni, industry superstar, saw an opening. An opening for a stable of men who measured profits in both body count and dollar count. I didn't dilly dally on this opening! The US army didn't dilly dally when it crushed the hell out of the commie Spaniards in the battle of San Juan, and neither did I! I amassed my army of men, equal in bravery, character and strength, to any man who's ever served in the US arm forces. And like our boys did to the dog eating nip-nongs in the Korean war, my army, my Enterprise has ran roughshood over the “best” the OAOAST has had to offer! Every obstacle the OAOAST has ordered before us has been left utterly decimated in our wake! WRIGHT Such triumphal elucidation has earned it's stake in our applause! They all clap, except for Ned who seems to be nodding off. MONEYMAKER You'd think our many accomplishments would leave me with some satisfaction. But I feel nothing but a stark emptiness and a sharp disgust. I feel as though all the power, strength, and struggle the Enterprise had given to me has now been stolen, and there is nothing I can do to get it back. CPA What do ya mean by that? MONEYMAKER What I mean is that a man is judged by the company that he keeps. And the company I keep has been tried, measured.......and found morally deplorable, ethically reprehensible, and religiously intolerable. The saddest part of all is it's only of one of you, one tiny cog, that's screwing up our well oiled machine. And I let it slide for a little bit, because I hoped this person could turn the corner, find a way to save the little respect I still held for them. But the longer I waited, the farther into degeneracy they sunk. I'll not abide by their appalling sins any longer. Nor will any of you. Mackenzie? MACKENZIE Yes, Theodore? MONEYMAKER You're fired. Get out. MACKENZIE Wha...wha..what? Why? WRIGHT You wear the fool's motley well, Mackenzie. As though you-- MACKENZIE Be quiet, Christian! Theodore, you can't do this. Is...is..is..this...a joke? MONEYMAKER Do you hear anybody laughing? MACKENZIE You just can't....fire me. WRIGHT Silence! Your disgraced lot is not a home to dominance over Mister Moneymaker's decisions! Mackenzie tries to ignore Wright's cutting barbs in order to obtain some sort of explanation from her now ex-boss. The rest of The Enterprise tries to claim an expression of neutrality not wishing to anger Moneymaker with a protest, but not exactly thrilled by the sudden removal of one of their key members. Ned, however, is fast asleep, because repeated usage of words with more then two syllables ain't cool with the Ned Man. MACKENZIE I don't understand this. What have I done? WRIGHT As if facile wordings were sufficient enough ammunition to illuminate your grave misdeeds. MONEYMAKER For the entire spring and summer, The Enterprise has launched a full scale assault on the pervert fag beast known as lesbianism. I've generously poured forth millions of dollars simply to strike a glancing blow at the heart of America's dyke demon, Chicks Over Dicks. Yet you, a chief general in the struggle for America's soul, have constantly undercutted and befuddled my many war efforts. Your horrid displays of affection for Alix and Krista have reduced something that should be akin to the Invasion of Normandy to cheap romantic comedy on the level of Will and Grace. Every time I condemn the lesbian monster to it's rightful grave, the actions of your captured heart thrust those words back into my face! No more! MACKENZIE My actions? MONEYMAKER Yes, your actions. Your actions of sinful lust! At first I thought the two blaspheming perverts were merely tempting you with their homosexual withcraft. You seemed to be an innocent victim, under constant barrage from the temptations of their generously exposed flesh. Too weak of mind, too innocent of soul to properly combat their hyper sexual onslaught. But now, I see the traitorous serpent coiled before me! You are in love with Alix and Krista. Your selfish descent into the cradle of dykedom has irreversibly crippled the cause I've fought so hard to champion. This is to your shame, and your discredit. Your attraction will see not only Chicks Over Dicks destroyed, but you as well. MACKENZIE But..but..please..no Moneymaker rises from his chair with an air of superior masterdom. He strolls about the room, casting distrusting glances towards the subordinates that cower beneath his heartless glare. MONEYMAKER Lesbianism is a soul-damning abomination of ancient Sodom, and god will curse and punish all who engage in it's depravity. Consider this, Matthew Shepard has been rotting in hell four years now, with eternities left to go. You and your co-conspirators against God will soon join him. All else is irrelevant. You have chosen to lie with your hedonistic lusts instead of with your Enterprise. The only thing that awaits you now are the fires of hell. Mackenzie refuses to depart, and instead throws herself upon the mercy of Moneymaker's court. She leans across the table and stares at his frigid face with impassioned eyes. MACKENZIE Please, don't fire me. I beg you, don't fire me. MONEYMAKER What's this? The hound begging for scraps at her master's table? BWAAHHHAAHHA! MACKENZIE I'll do anything you want, but please give me another chance. Let me do something to prove my loyalty to you! MONEYMAKER Very well, hound, you may fulfill your duty as servant before the eyes of millions. Chicks Over Dicks have been tried and found guilty. At OAOAST Syndicated you will enact the punishment on one of them. Pick your poison, the sultry beauty queen, Krista, or the feisty beach bunny, Alix. Doesn't matter which. You will face them in the ultimate test of your self control and loyalty. A bra and panties match. If you can resist the temptations of an oversexed lipstick lesbo thrashing and grinding against your near naked body, then you will have earned your place at my side. But if you can not, then you will have earned your place in the fag infested flames of Satan's paradise. TITTIES! This great idea wakes the Ned man up from his slumber, and he instantly cooks up a scheme to magnify the Syndicated T&A quitionent. BLANCHARD If we're punishing Mackenzie for being a disloyal skank... MACKENZIE Ned! BLANCHARD Sorry. If we're punishing Mackenzie for being a disloyal...I don't know any word besides skank... SINGLETON Slut? Hoebag? Whore queen? Freak hoe? Gutter dwelling sperm dumpster? But if she were a sperm dumpster we might not be having this discussion in the first place. BLANCHARD My point is, if we're punishing disloyalty, why don't we start rewarding loyalty? MONEYMAKER Ned, your tag title shot will come in.... BLANCHARD Just because I used to be called Narcissistic Ned doesn't mean I think of myself all the time! Just ninety seven percent of time. The other three percent of time I'm thinking of this magical little angel of beauty, Jade Rodez. No one in the Enterprise has sacrificed more physically, and mentally then her. You wanna talk about your gutsy soldiers? Jade Rodez has more guts then a...a...thing with lots of...uh guts. Metaphors aren't my bag. But no one else has suffered as much emotional damage at the hands of those twisted sorority chicks then Jade. There was never a single day where those two didn't attempt to shoot Jade's self esteem straight to hell with comments about her weight, her style of dress, her appearance, her everything. It's a wonder she's blossomed into the wonderful, upstanding, lady she is today! Jade frowns, given that she has no actual recollections of Krista or Alix ever saying a bad word about her. CPA What are you getting at? BLANCHARD If anyone deserves a chance to throw Krista and Alix on the ground and scrape, and claw, and mount their glistening half naked, sweat soaked bodies it's Jade. And not only that but she deserves a chance to do it for the OAOAST tag team titles! Just imagine, Krista laying helpless on the ground, humiliated as her breasts spill out of her flimsily bra, Jade grabbing, and groping, and furiously yanking away her tights, her little lace thong being revealed inch by inch, until finally, there's nothing left but her fine tuned ass, and brand new tag team champions. Imagine! Wright can imagine it. And he imagines it waaaaay to well, as an unfortunate, unfortunate, unfortunate, “leakage” causes Moneymaker's right hand man to bow out to an early bathroom break. Jade can imagine it as well. Unlike Wright, her image isn't so pleasurable, as she wonders how gentle Krista will be in the clothes removal department. Assured that there's no way she can possibly win the match, especially given her belief that her partner is 99.999999999% sure to turn on her, Jade lodges a protest. JADE Um....I don't really know about all this. SINGLETON (talking over Jade) And of course Mackenzie and Jade can feel more then free to offer the first title shot to The Wrecking Crew, or Los Conquistadors, or even the Beverly Hills Blonds, I hear those cats are pretty gosh darn good! MONEYMAKER What's not to know, Jade? Quite dissimilar to your brother, who merely rode the coattails of the infinitely more talented Zack Malibu to a tag title reign, you get to be the driving force behind tag team champions. You will mark the beginning of the end of the lesbianism that perverts the OAOAST, and you will have won a monumental victory for The Enterprise, for your country, and for yourself. How lucky for you, Mackenzie. Your weakness for the dyke porn propaganda has led you into a championship opportunity. Fate is rather funny that way. On that final note, the somewhat somber group shuffles from the conference table and out the dressing room. Jade looks highly disturbed by the recent development, a feeling Ned eagerly seeks to comfort by putting an encouraging arm around her shoulder. Everyone attempts to keep their distance from Mackenzie, acting as if the shell shocked woman was laced in salmonella wrap. Concerned with what he just witnessed, CPA choses to stay behind and chat with his boss. CPA Mister Moneymaker, why you and Wright gotta go at Mackenzie like that? MONEYMAKER Results, Mister Allen. Results at no matter what the cost. BWAHHAHAHAHA We're left with the haunting image of Moneymaker's delirious laughter, as Cole chimes in to remind us... COLE PRL, Landon Maddix contract signing is next! COMMERCIAL BREAK (uh, I can live with a D+. C's and D's get degrees!)

We fade in on a shot of the New York City skyline as the sun sets. Mellow music plays. We then see rapid fire shots of various New York City landmarks: the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Station, the Statue Of Liberty, Central Park. The World's Most Famous Arena. Cut to a shot of Madison Square Garden. The World's Greatest City. Cut to a shot of the New York City skyline at night. The biggest event of the summer. Cut to the OAOAST AngleSlam 2007 logo. Triumphant music plays. OAOAST ANGLESLAM LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN NEW YORK, NEW YORK SEVEN WEEKS AWAY! Fireworks explode. We fade out. We return to HeldDOWN~! with Colombian Heat celebrating in the lockerroom. He is joined by Spanish Fly, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Dance Dance Dragon (wearing the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt around his waist), The Sk8er Boiz, and Bill Neilson. Everyone's celebrating, chanting Heat's name. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder and a grin on his face. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and the celebration continues. Many OAOAST Superstars happy to see Colombian Heat win the 24/7 Title! COACH They're all degenerates just like him. COLE Oh come on! It couldn't happen to a nicer guy! COACH Gag me with a spoon! Bill Neilson pours champagne over Colombian Heat's head. Everyone else chants, "HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!" The 7 men cheer. COLOMBIAN HEAT Thanks mang. Thanks, dawgs. Dis really means alot to me. Thanks! I's appreciates it! "CONGRADULATIONS HEAT!" Heat, Fly, Brickston, Dragon, The Marv, Hell Mel, and Neilson all turn their attention to the entrance, where of all people, JAMES RIGGS shows up. The crowd boos. Riggs is in his wrestling attire and is clapping his hands with a smirk on his face. COLE James Riggs? What the hell? JAMES RIGGS Good job out there. Beating Cuban Wall. Congrats on becoming Champion. COLOMBIAN HEAT Uh...thanks. RIGGS Of course, you needed your 'pimp cane' and your 'bling-bling' to seal the deal, but anyway, congrats! HEAT Uh... RIGGS I mean, I could have beaten Cuban Wall with one hand tied behind my back, but who cares right? The important thing is that you're the Champ! So congrats, Champ! Riggs gives Heat a playful right jab to Heat's left shoulder. HEAT Yo, my man, what'chu doing herre? I don't think we ever hung out before. JR Good question, Heat. You see, I'm here to stake my claim as the first challenger to your title. I feel like with you as Champion, that belt is a good as mine! HEAT Now hold up, hold up. I ain't appreciating dis! Youse wanna challenge me? Okay. But don't you ever EVER disrespect me! JR Whoa, whoa, easy there 'homie'. We cool. We cool. I just want to know when I'll have my chance at becoming Champion, cause I only need one shot. Only one. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hmm...how bout when pigs fly? Riggs isn't exactly pleased with this answer. But he keeps his cool. Riggs takes a deep breath and exhales. JAMES RIGGS Okay. Okay. You're playing hardball. I understand. I could be here all night, but I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna let you celebrate. Let you have your moment in the sun...cause it's not going to last, trust me. I'll get that belt, soon enough. So uh, ta-ta, my ni-- HEAT Watch it, bro! RIGGS Okay. Okay. I'll go. Peace out, 'G'. Riggs turns and walks away. The babyfaces in the lockerroom watch him go. Colombian Heat turns his attention to Spanish Fly. James Riggs SPEARS Colombian Heat onto the floor! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Riggs starts pounding Colombian Heat! Rights and lefts hit the new 24/7 Champion as the crowd boos! John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Hell Mel, The Marv, and Bill Neilson struggle to pull Riggs off of Heat. Finally, they are able to pull Riggs off of Heat! The faces yell at Riggs to leave. Colombian Heat is lying on the floor, his eyes glazed over! JR dusts himself off and adjusts his long leather jacket and then leaves, but not before pointing a menacing finger at Colombian Heat. Everyone in the lockerroom checks on Heat. The OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt lies next to him. Heat is now groggy following the sneak attack. The crowd boos. (Cut to Sofa Central with Michael Cole and Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman. Coach is laughing manically.) COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! THAT WAS GREAT! THAT WAS BRILLIANT! THAT WAS MARVELOUS! THAT WAS WONDERFUL! THAT WAS STUPENDOUS! THAT WAS-- COLE Disgusting. COACH No! That was great! I loved it! THAT'S EXACTLY what Colombian Heat deserves! That was karma hitting Colombian Heat! He stole the 24/7 Title from Cuban Wall, and now he's paid the price! Way to go James Riggs! I salute you! COLE James Riggs, not seen since AngleMania VI, shows up out of nowhere, tries to become the #1 Contender to the 24/7 Title, and when he's denied, he pulls off a sneak attack on the new Champion! The Champion who just won the belt! COACH The Champion who won the belt in three seconds! Colombian Heat was still fresh, Michael! He could have taken James Riggs on if he had the strength! But he doesn't! He's not the Champion Cuban Wall was! Cuban Wall would have taken him out like *that*! But not Heat! Heat is the weaker of the two and he just showed it right now! COLE It was a sneak attack, Coach! Heat never saw it coming! There's no way he could have defended himself! COACH When you're the Champion, you have to be on guard 24/7, hence the name of the Title! Colombian Heat failed in his first test as Champion, and after what we just saw, I don't think he'll be 24/7 Champion for long! That belt is James Riggs for the taking! Oh yeah! COLE James Riggs has surprised us all tonight, just moments after Colombian Heat surprised us all by beating Cuban Wall in three seconds! Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign is only just beginning, but it looks like he already has a challenger for the Title! And now, at this time let's go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund with a very special interview. Gene? We cut to Gene in the locker room area, alongside him MELODY NERDLY and the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS in their civilian gear. But the Gunslingers are clearly gearing up for war, taping their fists as they stare menacingly into the camera. OKERLUND Thank you very much, Michael. It was at the Great Angle Bash that my guests were the victims in an incident that stunned the wrestling world; speaking of the Percussion DDT Logan Mann delivered on Baron Windels to cost them championship gold yet again and the opportunity to unify the OAOAST and HI-YAH tag titles, a distinction that will go to either COD or the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. BARON And that just makes me sick to my stomach, knowing it should be us in the match. There's no doubt in any one of our minds we'd unify the titles and forever cement our place in history. But we're not here to discuss the upcoming unification match. Let's talk about the Heavenly Rockers. I'm reminded of what Logan did every time I feel the bump on the top of my head, a memento his DDT left behind. As any good cowboy understands, when you fall off the saddle you get right back up and dust yourself off. Then you seek the SON OF A BITCH who did you wrong and DESTROY HIM! And you best believe Jock and I are going to correct that wrong. Because right now, in front of the good Lord and a worldwide television audience, we're issuing a warrant for the Heavenly Rockers. You boys got until next week to turn yourselves in meet us one on one. "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" OKERLUND You gotta be kidding me! Next week? JOCK We're gonna settle this the way real men do, Gene. LAST MAN STANDING! Fight until you can fight no more. But we aren't just doing this for ourselves; it's also for the fans. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine the Heavenly Rockers would turn their backs on the millions of fans who supported them through thick and thin. The other day I read a quote from them calling the fans who didn't agree with their actions at the Bash "bandwagoners". BARON Obviously a quote from that jackass Synth. JOCK Well, let me tell you bandwagoners something, you can hitch a ride on our wagon anytime because you are the lifeblood of professional wrestling. When things aren't looking good for us we feed off your energy. You're our fuel and oxygen combined. The Heavenly Rockers didn't just slap us in the face, Gene, they slapped the fans in the face as well, and I promise each and every one of you watching the Lone Star Gunslingers won't let that stand. MELODY Another thing we won't let stand is the horrid treatment of my friend Holly. How could Logan just verbally abuse her like that given all she's done for him and Synth? And for what, just because she spoke her mind? Logan's turned into a big ol' meanie. Gosh! To think I owned all of their records. Sure I illegally downloaded them online, but still. Now I have to erase them from my files like WWE is erasing-- OKERLUND That is all the time we have. Melody, Jock and Baron, I thank you for your time. We'll just have to wait and see if the Heavenly Rockers accept the Lone Star Gunslingers challenge for a Last Man Standing match next week? Hopefully we'll have an answer by show's end. If not, log onto OAOAST.com immediately after the program for possible breaking news. Let's go back to Sofa Central. COLE A huge challenge issued by The Lonestar Gunslingers.... COACH I liked those monkeys a lot better when they never spoke and rarely showed up on TV. COLE I'm sure The Rocker's share a similar opinion! But, folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN, including our main event contract signing after this. COMMERCIAL BREAK (Positive charges can not move, however they are able to attract negative charges. But the negative charges of one object can be repelled by the negative charges of another object. But the attraction of the positive charge of the object should be strong enough to pull the negative charges of it's counterpart. D+!)

Backstage, fresh from their victory a short while ago, The South Central Militia are in deep discussion over their plans for a celebration tonight. You know the deal, insert your favourite hip-hop lingo as and when. Anyway, The SCM come to an abrupt stop halfway down the hallway though. The sound of clapping is heard off screen as OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix strolls in, backed up by Todd Cortez. MADDIX Hey guys, what's popping! Great win out there. In an effort to show he's serious, Landon mimics Vincent Santana's forearm strike motion. MADDIX Wouldn't wanna be on the end of that. Oh, this is my street-wise friend, Todd Cortez, I'm sure you've met. He'll be here to translate. Cortez gives the Militia a perfect "what the hell am I doing here look", a look Landon is surely used to by now. SANTANA Yo, what you needin' some cracka translatin' for? What we be sayin' is real as real gets. We shoot from the hip man. This here don't need no alterations. Quick as a flash, Landon turns to Cortez for the translation. Cortez groans. CORTEZ They said they don't need to be translated. MADDIX Oh. Well, we'll let me be the judge of that, shall we? Okay, so peep this. I've got the big contract-signing for AngleSlam later on tonight, for real. So, lemme throw crunk down real for ya, (finger quotes) 'dawgs', see word on the street is, PRL is going to have his Lightning Crew (finger quotes) 'suckas' out there with him. So, I got'sta get mah crew up in his biz-nitch, ya heard? After a confused look between them, The Militia turn to Cortez for the translation. CORTEZ He said..... I've no idea what he said. MADDIX I need you guys out there for the contract signing. You know, incase anyone tries a cheapshot on the Champ. SANTANA Ah. Why didn't'cha say so? MADDIX So, that's a yes? The SCM look at each other for a second. WALLACE Nah. MADDIX 'Nah'? WALLACE We got places to be, bitches to see. MADDIX Mad bitches? Moe nods. MADDIX Look, I'm sure you've got plenty of important business to tend to. But... well, we had an agreement, remember? SANTANA Yeah, had. Ai'ight, listen, you wanna drop some dough, we'll be there, long as ya'll can guarantee there'll be some asses needing kickin'. But, contract signings don't sound like the kinda scene me an' 'Cell can 'express ourselves' at, ya know. Formal gatherin's ain't what The South Central Militia are about. WALLACE Lemme be real clear so we don't need no translation up in here. We ain't got no loyalties to you or nobody, understand? You greased these pockets an' we did what you wanted, we took that punk bitch Malibu out. We took him out real good. But, we didn't waste that mu-fucker 'cause you and us are best buddies, naw. It's all about the cash dawg. We worship that almighty dollar, nothin' else. So long as the money's on the table, we'll kick whatever ass is in front of us. Listen, if Malibu turned around an' he gave us enough reasons to beat yo' punk ass into the ground, we'd be MORE than glad to oblige! Making a gun gesture with his hand and with a quick flick of the wrist in Landon's direction, Wallace seems to have freaked out the World Champion. Eyes wide, Landon begins to back away slowly, taking Cortez with him by the arm. MADDIX You know what... on second thoughts, I... I think I'll... be fine on my own. Anyway, great talking with you. We'll... we'll see you around. Stay fresh. Landon disappears, with Cortez in tow, the footsteps speeding up in the distance as The Militia watch on. WALLACE And they call you Whitey? COLE That South Central Militia! Aren't they something else? Anyway fans, coming up next is the 24/7 Title Match between Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall. Now, this match was originally supposed to take place at The Great Angle Bash back in June, but circumstances beyond our control prevented that match from happening. But we said you were going to get a 24/7 Title Match, and no matter how long it took, you were going to get it! So, now, here is the 24/7 Title Match. Colombian Heat taking on the Champion, Cuban Wall. Let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* A piano plays a melody causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' John and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out, wearing a hell of alot of bling around his neck and carrying his pimp cane. The crowd explodes with cheers. Colombian Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans as he gets to ringside. COLE Colombian Heat looking to snatch the first singles title of his OAOAST career tonight! COACH 'Snatch' is the right word. The only way he'll win is if he steals the victory! COLE Well, I'm sure Colombian Heat will use all the heart and determination he has in this match. COACH And he'll still fail, just like last time. Colombian Heat climbs the ring steps, and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on a second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. COLE Colombian Heat going for the 24/7 Title for the third time in his career. Remember, at Anglepalooza in January of 2006, when he took on "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican one-on-one, and actually WON the Title, only to get screwed by Vitamin X and Stephen Joseph Popick! COACH Oh yeah. I remember that. The look on his face! Priceless. COLE And then there was the meeting between Heat and Cuban Wall almost a month ago on HeldDOWN~!, which Wall won rather fairly. COACH 'Rather fairly'? Cole, Cuban Wall CRUSHED Colombian Heat! Just say it. That match was over in less than 10 minutes! In fact, from my watch, it lasted exactly 5 minutes and 9 seconds! THAT'S IT! Cuban Wall won fair and square, and Colombian Heat's gonna need a miracle to pull out a victory tonight! COLE I'm sure Colombian Heat is all focused for this one. He's not going to let what happened the last time happened again! COACH It will. Oh it will! Maybe this match will be over in 3 minutes this time! HA! HA! HA! Heat gets on a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. COLE Alot of history between these two men. Former Lightning Crew running buddies duke it out once more! COACH Although using 'buddies' in that context wouldn't be right. Cuban Wall has ALWAYS hated Colombian Heat. Even back then. COLE That's true. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! YO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. Colombian Heat looks at the adoring crowd. He smiles a wide smile. COACH Buncha losers. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" HEAT A'ight, y'all. A'ight, y'all. You know, I's made some mistakes, but I's learned from dem. Tonight's no rerun, no, tonight's brand new, mah dudes! SOOOOOOOOO, if all of y'all are ready to see me make Cuban Wall MAH BITCH~! ("YEEEEAAHHHHHHH!") Make him feel the Heat, and become the new OAOAST 24/7 Champion...then A-T-L, make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!" COLE The dirty dirty loves Colombian Heat! COACH Cole, stop. COLE Just caught up in the moment. Colombian Heat smiles as he puts the microphone away. He stares at the entrance, awaiting his opponent. He does some calanstenics as he waits. COLE Can Colombian Heat strike gold this time in the rematch? "LIGHTNING CREW!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts up as the crowd stands up and boos loudly. The AngleTron shows a picture of Cuban Wall posing in front of a Cuban flag with CUBAN WALL written to the right side of the screen in big white blocky letters. Strobe lights appear around the entrance set, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and Cuban Wall walks out onto the entrance stage, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. The crowd boos even louder than before. Wall has a serious look on his face, the same as his challenger. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist into the air, then proceeds to walk to the ring, his eyes focused solely on it, with a serious expression on his face. *But will find their place in line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it's just a matter of time Cuz you've got...NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Got no chance.) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got...NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs. He is the Muscle for The Lightning Crew AND he is the reigning and defending undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! He...is...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall shadow boxes on the way to the ring. COLE Cuban Wall has held onto the 24/7 Title with an iron fist since winning it at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone. He has defended the title successfully against the likes of "The Birmingham Bad Boy" Jamie O'Hara, Jacob Cross, Spanish Fly, and his opponent tonight, Colombian Heat. COACH Yes. Cuban Wall has been a great 24/7 Champion. I am SO proud that he is holding that Title. And after Tha Puerto Rican wins the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleSlam, The Lightning Crew will once again have not one, not two, but THREE titleholders in their camp! COLE PR IS fighting Landon Maddix for the Title, you know. COACH Oh...right...uh...um...forget what I just said! I think. COLE Cuban Wall jaws with a fan at ringside, and then climbs the ring steps. He climbs over the top rope to enter the ring as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Wall stands in the middle of the ring. He sneers at the crowd, and then does The Lightning Crew Salute to loud boos. Wall then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head and smiles an evil smile. Wall jaws with the fans, and then heads to a second turnbuckle, where he raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head again. Wall gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to another second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head once again. Colombian Heat watches all of this with a serious expression on his face. COACH He is everything a Champion should be. Brave, strong, tough, fearless, and merciless! I am proud he is our 24/7 Champion. What a disgrace it would be if Colombian Heat were to win the 24/7 Title tonight! What a disgrace! COLE I would actually look quite forward to it. COACH You would Michael. I know you're trying to be down with Colombian Heat. I saw you buy T.I.'s new album yesterday. Think you're gonna learn to be 'hip' by listening to just one rap CD? Cracka please! It takes years of practice to be hip like me! COLE If being hip means being you, I'll take being lame and uncool thank you very much. COACH Bitch-ass cracka! Cuban Wall gets off the turnbuckle and shadow boxes before handing the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over to referee Nick Patrick, who raises the Title belt over his head to let everyone know that this is a title match. He then hands the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt to a ringside attendant. Nick Patrick tells Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall the rules for the match and then tells Colombian Heat that he needs to take off his bling and put away the pimp cane. Heat removes his very expensive jewelry and throws it halfway across the ring. COACH That must have cost thousands of dollars, and yet he's throwing it away like that? What the hell? Is he really that stupid? COLE I don't know, Coach. I have no idea what he's doing. COACH You could say that for alot of the things he does. Nick Patrick is confused too, but he walks on over to pick up the jewelry and hand it over to a ringside attendant. Cuban Wall turns around to watch this. This gives Colombian Heat the perfect opportunity to take his pimp cane...and crack it over Cuban Wall's head when he turns around, breaking it in half! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH WHAT!? COLE He broke it! He broke it in half! COACH WHY DID HE DO THAT FOR!? Cuban Wall is dazed! He's stumbling, but he hasn't fallen yet! Colombian Heat throws the piece of the pimp cane he's got away, and then kicks the top half out of the ring. The crowd is going nuts. Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall and hooks him up. He then turns around, lifting Cuban Wall high up into the air! The crowd is going nuts! COLE That's 6 feet 7 inches he's got up in the air! That's two hundred and eighty five pounds he's holding up! COACH No! No! No! This isn't happening! This is NOT happening! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd with a smile on his face. He nods, looks up at Wall's feet, looks at the crowd, nods once again...and then drops Cuban Wall with the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie! COACH No way! He cheated! He cheated! This shouldn't count! This should not count! Colombian Heat covers Cuban Wall, hooking his left leg. Nick Patrick, who did not see Colombian Heat hit Cuban Wall with the pimp cane since he was giving Heat's bling to the ringside attendant, watches all of this confused. COACH Ref! Ref! He cheated! He cheated! COLE It happened before the bell! I don't know if it'll matter! COACH It should! Colombian Heat is telling Nick Patrick to make the count! The ref has no other choice but to call for the bell. *DING DING DING* OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH CUBAN WALL (Champion) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger) Nick Patrick rushes over and makes the count. Colombian Heat counts along. Cuban Wall is out cold. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (0:03) "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Wha--what--WHAT? WHAT? WHAT!? COLE The match is over! We've got a new 24/7 Champion! I don't believe this! Colombian Heat lets out a primal scream! He raises his hands in victory as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing again. The crowd is going buck wild! BUFFER Here is your winner, and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Nick Patrick grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt from Michael Buffer and hands it over to Colombian Heat. Heat is absolutely ecstatic! Nick Patrick raises his hands in victory while Cuban Wall continues lying on the mat, knocked out. COLE That was probably the shortest title match in OAOAST history! That might just be the shortest match in OAOAST history period! 3 seconds? Is that all this match lasted!? COACH H--how could this be? How could we allow this? Colombian Heat used a foreign object! He cheated! He cheated like the low-life thug that he is! He cheated to win! He does not deserve the 24/7 Title! DAMNIT! THIS IS A TRAGEDY! COLE Tell that to these fans! They are absolutely jumping in joy! Colombian Heat has ended the 3 month reign of Cuban Wall, and he did it in only THREE SECONDS! That's incredible! COACH This is bullcrap! Colombian Heat stands up and stares at his newly won 24/7 Title belt. He has a wide smile on his face and is absolutely giddy at winning his first singles title in the OAOAST. Heat heads on over to the second ring rope and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head to LOUD cheers. Nick Patrick is checking on Cuban Wall, who is still on the mat. COACH I--I--How--The hell? I can't-- COLE You're speechless, Coach! Colombian Heat has unseated Cuban Wall as 24/7 Champion, and he did in much less time than Cuban Wall took to beat him last month! Can you believe it? COACH This isn't right. This isn't right at all. This is a travesty. I can't believe the OAOAST is going to let Colombian Heat get away with this! Someone show AngleSault the tape of this match! Have him reverse the decision! Have him strip Colombian Heat of the Title! Have him ban Colombian Heat from the OAOAST for life! Have him DO SOMETHING! THIS MUST NOT STAND! COLE Well, it might. In fact, it will, let's not pretend otherwise. COACH UGH! Heat jumps up and down and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt in the air. Just then, Spanish Fly runs into the ring. Heat points to the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, Fly nods, Heat nods, Fly smiles, and then runs over and embraces Colombian Heat to the crowd's delight! COLE And there's Spanish Fly, Colombian Heat's best friend, celebrating this moment with him! What a moment in Colombian Heat's career! This is a night that he will never ever ever forget! COACH I bet that title will cause some jealousy to come out of Spanish Fly. He won't be able to handle the fact that his midget ass ain't the one who defeated Cuban Wall! COLE Oh will you stop? Let them have this moment together. COACH Ghey. COLE Stop it. Just stop it! Colombian Heat holds Spanish Fly up with his right hand, and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. Spanish Fly pumps his fists in celebration. Fly and Heat look at the 24/7 Title belt, and then high five each other. Nick Patrick helps Cuban Wall out of the ring. COACH Three seconds. I don't believe it. Three seconds. COLE BEEELIEVE IT, Coach! A brand new 24/7 Champion has been crowned! And his name is Colombian Heat! COACH BLARGH! COLE Let's take a look at the replay. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to...well, the match. COACH Aw geeze. Okay, so Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall are staring at each other. Heat throws his 'bling-bling' away, cause Nick Patrick said so. Then, when Nick Patrick wasn't looking, that little sneak, that little weasel, that little...dweeb, he took that 'pimp cane' of his and smashed it over Cuban Wall's head giving him a concussion! A damn concussion! Then Heat got rid of the evidence of his crime, and then lifted Cuban Wall up and...oh I can't say it. COLE He gave Cuban Wall the Colombian Necktie and then covered him. COACH Yeah yeah yeah! He covered him! Nick Patrick rang the bell, and then made the count. So the match lasted officially for three seconds. Your winner and NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion...ugh...Colombian Heat! Oh man! COLE Yes, it is true! Colombian Heat has defeated Cuban Wall to win the 24/7 Title! We've got a new Champion, and one that the fans absolutely love! COACH Oh this is awful. This is so awful. This is the darkest day in the history of the 24/7 Title! The darkest day EVER! UGH! COLE It's happened, Coach. You can't change the past. Colombian Heat is celebrating with his best friend Spanish Fly, the NEW 24/7 Champion! His first singles title in the OAOAST! COACH Stop rubbing it in, please. COLE I am NOT rubbing it in! It's the truth! COACH I don't wanna hear it anymore! COLE Too bad. Colombian Heat is still celebrating in the ring! COACH UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH! COLE Colombian Heat: NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion! Colombian Heat heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He smiles a wide smile. He yells out, "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Spanish Fly cheers him on as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE Colombian Heat is the new OAOAST 24/7 Champion! A career highlight to be sure! Cuban Wall certainly felt the Heat! We'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~! right after this! Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and puts the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around his neck like a chain. Heat then slings the belt over his right shoulder and puts his left arm around Spanish Fly's shoulders. Both men smile wide smiles. Colombian Heat says, "I did it mang! I did it!" Colombian Heat raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt once more as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull continues playing. The crowd cheers loudly. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE OUT COMMERCIAL BREAK (More knowledge: If we have a bucket of salt and a handful of salt, the masses of the two containers will obviously be different, however the density will remain uniform given that there is still the same mass per volume.)

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