Patty O'Green

oh, someone will be in a promo, but i forgt who. maybe multiple ppls?? shit is dreadful cant stand u bum ass southern snap music ringtone rappers

the quote function was fucking up in the first post, so I had to compensate w/code function. hey, a good show though. PRL you can edit the 24/7 title match wherever you'd like.

Hero. Champion. Role Model. Exemplar. Paladin. "Every time one of those whores lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant. That's right. And I'm tired of them."

Hero. Champion. Role Model. Exemplar. Paladin. Tonight HeldDOWN honors Elijah Dukes. "Nigga all I know is, nigga, when I see your motherffucking ass riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfucking house." THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Hiphop heads, why the fuck did the south do hiphop wrong like that? How we as a people gonna allow songs like Party Like a Rockstar to proliferate in our communities? I don't know, baby, I just don't know. Cancer>>>ATL hip hop. But still Party Like a Rockstar is our themesong. Poorly exceucted with bullshit ass concepts. The introductory video is shown, now prominently highlighting Landon Maddix, and featuring him posing in a studio with his newly won world title. Once it comes to an end the logo is shown. FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! As usual we skip straight to the announce team. COLE Folks, welcome to another thrilling edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN! We're in the Tampa Bay area tonight, and we have a great show planned for you. The 24/7 title will be put on the line, Leon Rodez is in action, and we'll have words from The Heavenly Rockers. Last week on this very program, history was made and the wrestling world was stunned by the crowning of a brand new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix is your new World Champion, having cashed in his Money In The Bank contract against a vritually defenceless Zazk Malibu. Zack, having suffered a rib injury and then further complications surrounding the injury in recent weeks, was beaten down first by Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua of The Lightning Crew, then by The South Central Militia who it seemed were coming to his aid. And then, we witnessed the shocking turn of events. COACH I said it last week and it bears repeating Mikey, Landon played Zack like a fiddle. He played him all the way up until The Great Angle Bash... but he reserved the final encore for last week. COLE For those of you who missed it last week, this is the moment when history was made. The closing moments of the impromptu World Heavyweight Championship match, take a look... Slowly walking over to Zack, Landon takes his sweet time. Again he drags Zack up by the hair, delivering another hard kick to the ribs. And in a final insult he then slides to Zack's side, struggling as he takes him up with the ANGLE SLAM~! Not the finest execution, but who cares? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Damnit! COACH I think that's what they call 'poetic'. Megan raises her arms in the air, counting along in glee with Landon as he covers... ONE! TWO! THRE... NO, ZACK KICKS OUT! ZACK KICKS OUT~! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE YES! COME ON ZACK, FIGHT, FIGHT WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Utterly shocked, Landon begins to get that sinking feeling. Zack is still in the fight, however barely. But before Zack can get back up, he takes a punch to the ribs. Again. Again. And again and again and again and again, with no end in sight, Maddix trying to turn Zack's internal organs into mincemeat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Eventually Zack seems to go limp, and Landon is the one keeping him from falling, as he holds him by the collar of his shirt. Leading Zack away from the ropes, Landon hoists Zack up onto his shoulders, looking to deal the death blow. However, before Zack can Go 2 Sleep, he decides he wants to stay up a little while longer, and kicks himself off Landon's shoulders! Thinking quickly, Zack goes for the ANGLE SLAM~!, but can't lift Landon, dropping him to his feet! Favoring the ribs, Malibu keels over and winds up scooped up again, onto Landon's shoulders, before La Cucaracha decides to put him to bed. GO 2 SLEEP ON ZACK MALIBU~! COLE No, COME ON! This is robbery! This was a premeditated assault! Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE NO! I don't believe it...this can't be happening! COACH It is, Mikey Cole, it most certainly is! We have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion, and it happened right here on live television! As "Personal Jesus" is cued up, Landon Maddix is given the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and he clutches it to his chest. Megan Skye rolls into the ring and rubs her mans shoulders as he stares into the gold center plate, then rises to his feet and unleashes a primal scream as he raises the belt in the air. COLE I...I'm in shock. I don't believe what we've just seen. The Millitia enter the ring as well, as Landon shakes both their hands and thanks them, before they take Landon and lift him onto their shoulders like a conquering hero! COLE And now, we enter a new era here in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu has been ordered to take the week off to recuperate, both by his doctors and by the figurehead of the OAOAST AngleSault. But here tonight in Tampa, we will be graced with the presence of the new World Champion. Live in this ring, a celebration from the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Landon Maddix, later on in this broadcast. It certainly promises to be unmissable. Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN. COMING UP NEXT SWING BATTER BATTER SWING Leon Rodez Vs UNO NEXT Hole's "Gold Dust Woman" hits and the lights dim into an forboding gold hue in the arena. A menacing steel cage rises from beneath the entrance stage. Behind it's rusted and dilapadated bars stand the brooding Conquistadors. A nearby stage hand releases the lock, letting the grapplers onto the floor. Uno typically replay this kindness by shoving the poor lackey to the ground, and Dos follows up this despicable act by hawking a gob of spit onto the poor man. The two warriors then pound their fists together and head out to the warzone. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Conquistador Dos! He hails from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing in at one hundred and sixty five pounds. "THE WILD CHICANO"... CONQUISTADOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH How come Uno gets a nickname and not Dos? COLE Maybe Theodore Moneymaker didn't have enough money in his makeover budget. By the way, that entrance? Creepy. Into the ring slides Uno, raising a gloved fist in the air as a sign of defiance. Dos applauds from the outside. COLE Well, singles action here with Conquistador Uno to take on Leon Rodez. And it would seem that Uno has been fed to the lions here by Theodore Moneymaker, after what we saw at The Great Angle Bash with Los Conquistadors getting involved in his tag team match. Los Conquistadors cost Leon and Alix Maria Spezia the match with the help of a pair of baseball bats and I've no doubt that their association with The Enterprise is like a red rag to a bull to The Silky Smooth One right about now. .:CUE: Trust Company, "Rock The Casbah":. The crowd suddenly come unglued as the music powers through the PA system and LEON RODEZ powers through the entrance way with similiar power (must. buy. thesaurus.)! Shuffling around in the ring, Uno bravely waves on Leon, despite the determined stride in his step. BUFFER And the opponent, from Grand Rapids, Michigan... two hundred, eighteen pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEEOOOOONN RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Buffer bails out of the ring just as Leon slides in, making a beeline straight for the golden Conquistador. The confident Uno doesn't back down. And he pays for it as Leon goes straight to work with some bodyshots, backing Uno up into a corner! COLE This may not last long. *DINGDINGDING!* Continuing to fire away with rights and lefts up under the ribs Leon has Uno holding up his hands, begging for the referee to force a break. Eventually he does, Chioda moving Leon out of the corner. Which allows Uno to come out of the corner with a cheapshot, catching Rodez cold with a big right hand! COACH Ah, don't count Uno out so fast Mikey. These Conquistadors are dangerous, fiery Latinos. Mr. Moneymaker doesn't associated himself with just anybody you know. As Leon goes staggering backwards, in moves Uno, picking out the legs a double leg takedown and mounting Leon with some more wild right hands. He only gets in a couple though before Rodez switches, mounting Uno and pounding him with some hard shots in return. COLE Coach, I think 'Mister' Moneymaker would have settled for anyone who could swing a baseball bat to help him at The Great Angle Bash. And it just so happened, Los Conquistadors were cheap and weren't exactly busy at the time. COACH That's cold man. COLE Come on Coach, usually when one of The Enterprise is in action, Theodore is out here with us pushing some sort of agenda. I doubt he's even watching this match on a monitor in the back. Eventually, having put out the Latino fire of Conquistador Uno, Rodez drags him up by his gold bodysuit. By that clothing he drags him into another right hand, keeping him on his feet as he executes an irish whip. Uno bounces out of the corner, into a second whip, into the opposite corner. Again Uno rebounds out of the turnbuckles and a third whip sends him back into the first corner he occupied, Leon following in this time with Double Knees up into the chest! Uno collapses to the canvas, as Leon glares in the direction of Dos to make him think twice about making any moves to help. COLE Got to watch these Conquistadors. There's no telling when they'll try and make a switch. Rodez drags Uno roughly to his feet and irish whips him across the ring, springing up to meet him on the rebound with a picturesque Standing Dropkick! With Uno laid out, Leon then turns his attentions back to Dos, who has jumped to the apron... ...knocking him to the floor with enough force to send Dos crashing into the steel barricade!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Again Uno is dragged back up... but the distraction seemed to have worked to some extent for Los Conquistadors as Uno goes to the eyes! A shoulder barge takes Leon all the way into the corner and The Wild Chicano continues to claw away at the face of Rodez, despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Having broken just before a disqualification was called, Uno now whips Leon out of the corner. Getting his foot up to prevent a face-first meeting with the turnbuckles, Rodez quickly throws back his elbow, timed perfectly to catch Uno running in! Uno then stumbles right back into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing the Conquistador upside the head with the enziguri, turning him inside out! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! COACH Oh no! I hope there's a Tres somewhere, because that may be the end of Uno! Uno is out cold as Leon climbs back to his feet. Apparantly not done yet, off the ropes comes Rodez, dropping the forearm across the painted face of the Conquistador. A second time the forearm comes down. And a third, all measured to the forehead. Still that's not enough though and by the top of Uno's PVC bodysuit Leon pulls his opponent up. COACH Now, this is uncalled for! COLE Seeing as Leon Rodez took two baseball bats upside the head at The Bash, he's perfectly within his rights to make the most of this chance for revenge. Hauling Uno around so he's pinned into a corner, Leon reels back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and cracks him across the chest with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second, trying to force PVC and skin together into one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A third chop connects and Uno, already limp, falls up against the bottom turnbuckle showing little signs of fight. So Leon, who is still showing plenty of signs of fight, asks the Tampa crowd if they want him to continue. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A no brainer. COLE The Conquistadors should have asked for more money while they had the chance. Danger money, perhaps. By the ears, Uno is dragged to his feet. An irish whip sends him into the opposite corner and once he settles, he finds himself in the firing line as Rodez comes soaring in, driving all of his 218 pounds into the gut of the Conquistador with the Superman Spear!! Uno collapses over Leon's shoulder, getting shrugged off and swept down by the arm. And quick as a flash, Leon locks up the arm, looking to apply a Cross Armbreaker. With what awareness he has left, Uno locks his hands together to block. Which doesn't last longer than two wrenches, Leon seperating the arms and getting the Cross Armbreaker... ...which gets a super-quick tapout!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... LEON RRRRROOOOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And that quickly it's over. One of the most deceptively dangerous holds in wrestling, that Cross Armbreaker. As soon as the hands seperated, the elbow began to hyperextend. And Uno decided to tapout before any serious damage could be done! Having released the hold, Leon has to make a quick 180 as Conquistador Dos returns, wielding a steel chair... ...which is ducked! Leon catches Dos on the way past, causing him to drop the chair. Quickly Leon retrieves it and sure enough... *CRACK!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" ...it's the hapless Conquistador who gets CREAMED with a vicious chairshot!! COLE OH MY! COACH Somebody call Quatro. Both Conquistadors are down, Uno clutching his arm and Dos seeing stars and cartoon birds floating in front of his eyes. Holding the majorly dented chair still, Leon looks around at the damage he's caused and surprisingly doesn't seem all that proud. Instead he drops the chair, shaking his head sadly as he bails out of the ring and marches back up the ramp much in the same manner as he came. COLE Loath as he was to do it, Leon Rodez just sent a message to The Enterprise here tonight. Los Conquistadors paid the price... uhm, okay... apparantly, Maggie Nerdly is stalking by... uh, standing by sorry. Maggie. Cut to behind the curtains where Melody is waiting. MAGGIE Hey ya'll, somebody told me this'd be a dope place to set up stall for interviews. Why they did it in mid-conversation I dunno but here I am and apparantly somebody's going to come through these curtains in a second. Why we need curtains and sliding doors I dunno, but whatever... Leon finally makes it back at this point. MAGGIE Hey, Leon, can I get a few words... LEON You know what, Theodore Moneymaker, what you just saw was a placeholder my friend. Those two guys out there, the Conquistadors, I've got nothing against them. Sure, they cost me the match at The Bash. But they're two guys desperate for a break. They're yet another couple of innocent people being manipulated by you, your money and your stinking Enterprise! I'm not proud of that. And I'm not even proud of the fact that it was your arm I saw breaking in my hands. I'm not proud either that when that chair came down, it wasn't hitting any Conquistador's heads, it was crashing straight down on those blond locks of you Ned Blanchard! I'm not proud of any of that. I'm just sick and tired of this whole situation. Ever since AngleMania, there's this anger built up inside of me. And that's just not the way I am. This has to end and it has to end soon. Wiping a hand over his head, Leon tries to compose himself. LEON Moneymaker, you like to dictate who and what happens around here with your dirty money and it's getting old. I don't want Los Conquistadors. I don't want mis-matches little teams. What I want... what D*LUX want... what I'm sure Chicks Over Dicks want... is all five of you in one place, at one time, so we can dictate who we want to deal with. So consider this a challenge. 5 on 5. Your Enterprise versus the five people who won't rest until we've convinced Jade the error of her ways. I don't know as this'll do that, but it'll damn sure give us a chance to take out some frustrations on the right people in the meantime. Leon storms off, leaving Maggie a little flustered. COMMERCIAL BREAK

As we return to HeldDOWN~! from our final commercial break, yellow banners are draped from the ring ropes the ring has been decked out with a lavish red carpet. A lavish red carpet with a long stripe of yellow carpet placed down the middle, signifying the flag of Spain. Which must mean it's time for the new World Champion's big celebration party. That or Spanish Fly is coming out, I guess. Although, isn't he from Mexico? Oh, wait, shhh. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the NEEEEEWWW One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Wrestling Champion Of The WOOOOOOOORRRRRLLLLLLDD... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" On cue, a small mariachi band come piling out of the entrance way playing some celebratory music. The camera pans to the rafters, as a veritable shower of confetti begins to fall from the air, before a sudden explosion of pyro releases another shower, this time of red and yellow balloons. As the carpetted ring begins to fill with the confetti, as well as the drinks of all the crowd, the band suddenly break into a special mariachi version of "Personal Jesus". COLE That's certainly... different. In the midst of all the trumpeting and... uh, what ever else is in a mariachi band... beaming from ear to ear comes LANDON MADDIX, arm in arm with Megan Skye and proudly wearing his newly won Championship over his right shoulder. Landon greets his adoring public with a royal wave before lifting the title off of his shoulder and raising it in the air! COACH There he is Michael, the new World Champion! COLE Landon Maddix pulling out all the stops here tonight, the confetti, the balloons, the band. I'm sure this must be making Zack Malibu, who is no doubt watching us live back in Providence right now, sick to his stomach. COACH Oh, who cares? Zack Malibu is yesterday's news! Here's the man of today! Landon and Megan continue to walk arm in arm to the ring, as the mariachi band plays on. Behind them follow the other 'guests' invited this celebration. Vincent Santana and Marcellus "One Eye" Wallace of The South Central Miltia, plus Todd Cortez, all of whom position themselves at ringside as Landon and Megan take centre stage in the ring. The hundreds of popping balloons eventually begin to drown out the band and threaten to drown out Landon, even before he's taken the microphone from Michael Buffer. Thanking the crowd for their applause, which has been picked up by Landon's selective hearing over the jeers and bangs, Maddix takes the mic. MADDIX Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to the new era, the Landon Maddix era of the OAOAST! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Yes, thank you. Thank you. You know, from the moment I stepped through those sliding doors for the first time that this day would come. From day one, not one person in that OAOAST locker room looked like he was capable of matching up to me. Not the bumping and grinding doctors, not the flaming homosexual luchadors, not the countless guys who looked like they were involved in some sort of boyband reunion. Nobody. Call it what you will. Call it arrogance. Call it a premonition. Call it 'destiny'. (Randy Orton pose) The fact is, it happened. Landon Maddix came, he saw, he conquered... I proved to be the Saviour Of The OAOAST that I proclaimed myself right from the get-go! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Looking over his shoulder, Landon glares at the hundreds of fans on their feet, trying to ruin his celebration. MADDIX As a great man once sung, #Who told you you're allowed to rain on my par - aaaaade#? In the background, The Militia and Cortez pool together their knowledge of rat-pack singers and still can't prevent that reference from going over their heads. MADDIX Nothing can spoil this mood baby! So save your collective breath. See, I'm right back where I belong, on top of the world! Higher than anyone has ever been before. You see, the whole divide between the SWF and the OAOAST isn't so bitter nowadays, so I'm sure you'll all have no problem recognising me as the four-time... four-time... four-time... four-time World Champion that I am. And above all else, you'll recognise me as the ONLY man in HISTORY to have won both the SWF and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championships! COLE Well, that is true. MADDIX And right now, there's so many people to thank. This didn't happen by accident. Myself and Megan here, we planned every detail of our plan. We always have a plan. And I've gotta say in all honesty, this was one of our best. Megan playful tells Landon to stop before he embarrasses her. MADDIX Now, I could yak on all day about just how great I am and I could stand here all day saying 'I told ya so, I told ya so'. But let us not forget, this title being around my waist right now is in no small part down to our former World Champion. Let's face it, he played the role of 'nice but dim people's champion' to perfection! And I'm sure he's wondering just what went wrong. So let's talk about what happened last week. Let's talk about Zack Malibu... "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd pop for the ex-champion, drawing a little smirk from La Cucaracha. MADDIX Ah yes, everyone's favourite poster-boy, Zack Malibu. The scourge of the evil-doers of the OAOAST. Blah, blah, blah. Well let me clue you all in. Your precious 'poster-boy' isn't here tonight. While yours truly is out here revelling in the glow of this World Title, Zack Malibu is probably busy changing diapers and preparing bottle-feeds right about now. If he can move yet, that is. "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" MADDIX Did all that balloon-popping damage your hearing or are you just morons!? HE'S. NOT. HERE. TONIGHT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Zack, did you not think I'd remember everything you've done to me since I've been in this company? Or did you just underestimate me? Either way, you made the biggest mistake of your life! Don't think I've forgotten War Games. Don't think that you trying to castrate me with a metal spike in front of thousands of people doesn't still eat at me. And don't for a second think that I don't forget you dumping me out of the Lethal Rumble this year! Zack, I would have taken this belt whoever was holding it, trust me. But the fact it was you I humiliated and sent packing made this victory all the sweeter! Landon adjusts the belt over his shoulder. MADDIX Your whole crusade to be a 'fighting champion' was all the opening I needed Zack. You just made it that bit easier by falling into the trap so willingly. You accepted my challenge before I could even coax you into it! And how ironic, that you thought you'd got rid of me at The Great Angle Bash. Zack, I could have cashed that Money In The Bank contract in any time in the lead-up to The Bash. There were so many perfect opportunities. But you just kept digging that hole deeper and deeper for yourself with your relentless bravado. I knew sooner or later, your body would self-destruct. And I, ingeniously, kept that contract in reserve, just incase. Just how much damage you've suffered, I don't know. Must be quite a bit, considering you were so delusional last week, you actually thought these guys were coming to save you! The SCM laugh away in the background. MADDIX The moment these two cleared the deadwood, you should have high-tailed it, while you still could. But yet again, the brave, proud Zack Malibu just couldn't run away! And yet again, you paid the price. It's not a mistake I'll be making Zack. See, unlike you, I'm not ruled by the cheers of these people! I'm ruled by my head, not my heart. So let's hope playing house husband suits. Because as long as you let that bleeding heart of yours carry you along through life, you're always going fall short to the new Power Couple of the OAOAST! COACH Ouch! COLE Another slap in the face to the former World Champion and of course, former Women's Champion Candie, his wife and the mother of his child. As Megan and Landon cosy up in the middle of the ring, none of the three in the background look all that impressed. Cortez in particular, of course. The love-in is interrupted by the fact they're in front of a worldwide audience and a capacity crowd in the arena though. Thankfully. MADDIX Now, with that out of the way, let's start celebrating already shall we? Without any further ado, I'd like to lead you all in a rendition of one of my favourite songs. It's a song near and dear to my heart. Feel free to join in if you know the words... Todd, Militia, that includes you too... *AHEM! -HEM!*. COLE What the hell is this? COACH He's clearing his throat. COLE Yeah, I get that bit, but... MADDIX #I've paid my dues# "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE ...Oh dear lord. MADDIX #Time after time!# C'mon Todd, don't be shy. #I've done my sentence... but commited no cri...# The lights go down in the arena. The crowd instantly start buzzing, probably just pleased that the unexpected blackout has stopped the World Champion's singing. But after a few seconds the fans aren't quite so cheery, as Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. COLE What the hell is THIS now!? COACH Uh, I get the feeling that this isn't part of the celebrations somehow. The entrance doors slide open, and out comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican and his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick! The crowd boos louder. PRL is standing in his wrestling attire holding his black briefcase spray-painted with L.C. in yellow which contains his Golden Contract inside. Popick is holding a microphone in his right hand. Both Popick and Tha Puerto Rican stare intensely at Landon Maddix, while The South Central Militia and Todd Cortez get into their fighting stances. COACH Tha Puerto Rican is out here! What does he want? COLE Well last week, Todd Cortez attacked PRL backstage. Think that has something to do with it? COACH You don't think Tha Puerto Rican's still bitter about that, do you? COLE Coach, it's Tha Puerto Rican. OF COURSE he's still bitter about something! Landon is as confused as the crowd as to why PRL is out here. But their confusion is about to end as Stephen Joseph Popick brings the microphone to his lips as "Know Your Role '99" dies down. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Landon, Landon, Landon. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Landon. What you did last week was quite clever of you. Having other guys beat up Zack Malibu, and then going in for the kill. I gotta say, that was quite impressive. People, please give a nice warm round of applause for Landon Maddix, YOUR NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd, naturally, responds with a nice round of boos for the Champ. Maddix is a little leary of what Popick is saying, knowing full well the history of The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST. COLE Where is this going? COACH Shut up, Cole. We're about to find out! POPICK Now, Landon, if I were you, I'd just...take a break. Yeah, relax. Take a vacation. That's what I would do. You've worked really hard to become World Champion, and you deserve a little R&R. So, why don't you take your little girlfriend and go to Bahamas or back to Spain or whatever. Take most of the whole summer off! You'll need all the relaxation you can get. Because by the time Labor Day comes, you will no longer be the World Heavyweight Champion! This piques Landon's interest. LANDON What? What do you mean? POPICK That's because, Landon Maddix, on August 26th, from Madison Square Garden in New York City, at AngleSlam 2007, MY Client, MY CORPORATE Champion, Tha Puerto Rican, is cashing in his Golden Contract and is coming after you and the World Heavyweight Title! COLE Whoa! We finally have a date! Tha Puerto Rican is going to cash in his Golden Contract at AngleSlam! COACH What a main event that's going to be! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Landon Maddix one-on-one for the World Heavyweight Title! POPICK The countdown is on my friends. We are now on the Road To Glory with the final stop at Madison Square Garden, the Mecca of Sports-Entertainment! In 8 weeks time, the Era of Lightning will begin in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Popick hands the mic over to Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos. Landon is stunned at the fact that he already has an opponent for the next OAOAST pay-per-view. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. Last week, you stuck your roody poo candy ass where it didn't belong! I was going to cash in my Golden Contract last week against Zack Malibu, but you stuck nose in and took WHAT SHOULD BE MINE! Landon cracks a smile, while the crowd boos. THA PUERTO RICAN I sent Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X out there as a 'warm up match' for Zack-- COLE I knew it! THA PUERTO RICAN But then that jabroni you call a friend, Todd Cortez, Pearl Harbor'd me and held me there while you went ahead and stole the Title from Zack! COLE Held him there? More like beat him up to a bloody pulp! COACH Hey, we didn't see everything that happened! Maybe he did just hold him back! COLE Oh come on! PRL Now normally, I would applaud such tactics...BUT NOT WHEN I'M THE VICTIM! But no, oh no, I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. What's done is done. And I'm not an idiot, so tell your men I'm not going to rush into the ring to kick your monkey ass. Not tonight! No, I'm going to save it for AngleSlam, not for these pieces of trailer park trash here in Tampa, Florida! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL Shut up! You know you guys can't compare to Miami! COACH He's right you know. TPR At AngleSlam, on Sunday August 26th, at Madison Square Garden in New York City, in front of thousands upon thousands of Puerto Ricans, MY people, and in front of the millions-- CROWD --AND MILLIONS! Tha Puerto Rican gives the crowd a dirty look. THA PUERTO RICAN ...Don't do that. As I was saying, the millions AND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican's fans watching around the world, they will see "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican whup that candy ass from pillar to post and in the end, finally, FINALLY win the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship! The crowd boos. Landon stands in the ring unimpressed. THA PUERTO RICAN So, I think the OAOAST made a huge mistake in letting this celebration take place tonight. Because then they won't have any money to plan the celebration of MY title victory on HeldDOWN~! on August 30th! But it's okay. Vitamin X and Popick will pull through, I'm sure. So Landon, get ready, because that Title is coming home where it belongs, to Tha Puerto Rican! I'll see you in 8 weeks, Landon! THE CHAMP HAS-- CROWD SPO-KUN~! PRL once again gives the crowd a dirty look. Popick shakes his head. THA PUERTO RICAN Tampa, Florida, this is not sing-along with The Champ. Tha Puerto Rican does it himself! PRL tilts his head back and takes a deep breath. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! Tha Puerto Rican throws the microphone down. "Know Your Role '99" starts playing again. PRL and Popick have smirks on their faces as they stare at Landon. Landon is now annoyed. LANDON MADDIX Oh yeah? Well, Just Bring It (does hand gesture), you second-rate Rock impersonator! I don't need anybody's help to beat your ass at AngleSlam! I've got you in my scope, P.R.! Your ass is mine! You ain't taking this away from me! I own your ass at AngleSlam! You hear that? OWN. YOUR. ASS! Landon raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and points to it. PRL raises the black spray-painted briefcase over his head. Popick points to the briefcase and then to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title belt, and then to PRL's waist. He then puts up eight fingers to symbolize there's 8 weeks left until AngleSlam. Landon discusses this current situation with Megan while The South Central Militia and Todd Cortez just stare angrily at Tha Puerto Rican and Popick. COLE Well, it's only July 5th, but we already have our AngleSlam main event! COACH And what a main event! It's going to be the greatest AngleSlam of all-time! PRL/Landon. First Time Ever! Live from Madison Square Garden! COLE The countdown is on. We are on The Road To Glory. In 8 weeks, 52 days, Tha Puerto Rican and Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix will collide for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at AngleSlam! I wonder what Zack thinks of all of this? COACH Bah! Zack is old news! PRL vs. Landon is the wave of the future! The OAOAST marketing machine better go full blast for this one! This is going to be the biggest AngleSlam EVER! I SO cannot wait for this one! Tha Puerto Rican mouths off to Landon, who mouths off back. Megan Skye has to hold Landon back, since he's about to blow a gasket. COLE What a way to end tonight's HeldDOWN~!. While HeldDOWN~! may be over, on the horizon is quite possibly the biggest AngleSlam main event in the history of the OAOAST! We have it confirmed now. Tha Puerto Rican will cash in his Golden Contract which he has held since August of LAST year at AngleSlam on August 26th! And what a match that's going to be! COACH I'm calling it now. Match of the Year Candidate. COLE This will certainly be a much anticipated match. The first ever meeting, the first ever interaction PERIOD between these two! But we've still got quite a way to go before then, so for Jonathon Coachman, I'm Michael Cole saying good night, and we'll see you next week for more exciting OAOAST action on HeldDOWN~! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican points menacingly at Landon Maddix and does the "I-Want-The-Belt" hand gesture. He laughs manically and then he and Stephen Joseph Popick exit through the entrance doors. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix stands in the ring fuming, with Megan Skye trying to calm him down. The South Central Militia and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez discuss what just went down outside of the ring. Landon slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and stares at the entrance even though PRL and Popick have left. All the while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK

COLE Right now, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to turn our attention to the tag team title situation. As announced at the Great Angle Bash, the OAOAST purchased HI-YAH promotions and has scheduled a tag title unification bout sometime in the near future between the reigning champions Chicks Over Dicks and the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Well, this past weekend on OAOAST Pro Wresting our broadcast colleague Jesse “The Body” Ventura was conducting an interview with the HI-YAH tag team champions when Theodore Moneymaker stopped by. Here is what he had to say. * SWOOSH * Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated Moneymaker and Mackie are booed as they step onto the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE. Initially shocked by their appearance, Jesse welcomes the “Billion Dollar Heir” and his stunning Chief Financial Officer, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew a bit more reserved. During the course of the segment cameras cut away to various signs in the crowd, including such gems as “MACKENZIE DECENZO: LESBIAN AT HEART” and “BILLION DOLLAR A$$HOLE”. MONEYMAKER Pardon the interruption, but I think everyone in this arena and those watching at home will find what I have to say very fascinating, particularly the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. As you very well know, Jesse, the Enterprise has been bogged in a costly venture with COD. For months I have done everything in my power to end the title reign of those morally bankrupt chicks. Never in my life have one of my investments failed to turn a profit. Unlike all you nickel-and-dimers, I pride myself on taking calculated risks. That’s what separates the rich from the poor -- the ability to go all in without fear of losing. It’s everything or nothing, baby! Calculated risks are what made me the man, the rich man that I am today. This brings me to you, Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul. Today is your lucky day, because I’m about to offer you the deal of a lifetime. I am willing to offer you a substantial CASH reward -- no checks, just cold hard cash, baby -- for unifying the World tag team championships. I guess you can say it’s as easy as 1...2...3. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RICO Moneybags, chico, the King of the Mardi Gras, he don’t forgot the past, mang. My first match in the OAOAST, it was against you. Other than looking up at the lights when it was all said and done, the one thing I remember was being offered a “deal of a lifetime.” It kinda gets hazy after that. You wouldn’t happen to know why, do ya? MONEYMAKER (nervously) Rico, that was another lifetime ago. You’ve proven to be a man of high character. If I knew then what I know now you better believe I’d handle that whole situation differently. LUCIUS Brothas, brothas, brothas, brothas! They call “the past” the past for a reason. Now, when I wasn’t lookin’ at the foxy lady next to Theodore… MACKENZIE LUCIUS …I vividly remember hearing something about the all mighty dollar. Am I right, my brotha? Substantial cash at that, yes? Like, 6 figure range? Teddy simply nods. LUCIUS Well, brotha, then it would be an honor to fulfill your prophecy. MONEYMAKER So we have a deal? RICO Mang, consider it done. MONEYMAKER SCHIAVONE Theodore Moneymaker has just paid off the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew to defeat COD and unify the World tag team titles. Incredible! * SWOOSH * Back at Sofa Central with Cole and The Coach. COLE How about that, Coach? COACH The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, they’re everything COD isn’t -- young and hungry. Add to that the opportunity to go down as the first ever One & Only World tag team champions. It’s the best decision Teddy has ever made. I’m proud to be an Enterprise stockholder. COLE Will see if that rings true in a few weeks. Coming up next is our new world champion, Landon Maddix. COMMERCIAL BREAK

The show is in Tampa, F-L-A, and you know who hood that is!

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... Nair-Like Never Before iPhone-Tony said this shits too mu'fuckin expensive. Buy it anyway. Good Girl Gone Bad-the new CD by Rhianna Do it Do it Do it What you waitin' for? Do it Do it Do it What you waitin' for? Do it Do it Do it The hip-hop anthem of Big Things Poppin' (DAAAA REEEMIX!!!) booms to life, as the venue dims to a menacing red glow. White spot lights pierce through the crimson illumination, shining harshly upon the capacity crowd. The entrance doors tear apart to showcase a truly intimidating sight, the monstrously demonic Samoan, Faqu. Bellow his scowling face, his taped knuckles crack in preparation to obliterate the foes the OAOAST brass has laid in front of him. Streaming from Faqu's statuesque side is James Blonde, a red doo rag that matches his all red attire, covering his out pouring of lush blond hair. Blonde shadow boxes across the steel stage, triumphing over a wave of imaginary enemies. Once he destroys his last foe, he tosses his entire body into the air in glorious celebration. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes! First from Vancouver, British Columbia, weighing in at two hundred pounds, The Mover From Vancouver, JAMES BLONDE! And his partner, from the Isle of Samoa, weighing three hundred and one pounds, FAQUUUUU! Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' Big shit poppin' And lil' shit stoppin' ***Ball on these niggas shawty losing's not an option*** Blonde begins unleashing a wealth of trash talk into the camera, doing nothing to endear him to the home viewing audience. Faqu is much too concerned with the task at the and to partake in such gestures. He simply slides into the ring and awaits the arrival of his night's opponent. COLE Folks, as you know the OAOAST recently acquired the HI-YAH promotion. Unfortunately, market research shows that most our fans hate the Japanese, so the vast majority of HI-YAH talent had to be released. James Blonde was able to retain a full time position with the OAOAST, and was very eager to return to working full time back in North America. However, he's never really made an impact on either continent so he's on thin ice, perhaps. Faqu, on the other hand, was the HI-YAH world champion for over a year. While he was saddened at the closing of HI-YAH, he truly believes he can hold the OAOAST world title just as long. If not longer. COACH Bro is tough as nails, but the competition is a lot harder here then in Japan. Last match he had here, he got ran stupid by Alix and Krista. They're just little girls! They aren't even real wrestlers! It's like being beat up by Jessica Biel! What happens against the real wrestlers? Zack or ThuderKid or PRL or Maddix? He needs to ease himself back into the OAOAST, get a feel for what's going on, then make his run. Humidity’s rising Barometer's getting low According to all sources The street's the place to go Cause tonight for the first time Just about half-past ten For the first time in history It's gonna start raining men. From the ceiling comes a torrential downpour of Miss Spezia's Sweeties Gingerbread cookies, and all I gotta say is LET THE MOTHERFUCKING PARTY BEGIN! The very lifeblood of any self respecting gay club in the United States, It's raining men elevates the crowd to a mood of ecstatic euphoria. The sizable homosexual fanbase (come on people we have TWO gay tag teams and they're both faces), grooves in the stands to the thumping dance track! Their joy is increased tenfold when the glamorous queens from south of the broder, Los Diablos De Fuego erupt onto the scene! Clad in their glamorous, glitter soaked, pink bodysuits, and gorgeous rhinestone belts, the pairing vigorously bump and grind with each other, bringing aroused hoots and hollers from many male members of the audience. COACH Why? Why they gotta do that? COLE Los Diablos back in action on HeldDOWN! This is great! We haven't seen them for a while because Mariachi came down with a very nasty staph infection. COACH Staph infection? Is that what you people call it now? BUFFER Their opponents...from sunny Cabo San Lucas, the sexiest tag team in all of Mehico, MARIACHI and MORACCA... LOS DIABLOS DE FFFUUUUUEEEEEGGOOOOOO! As if the announcement of their names didn't get enough of a cheer, Los Diablos further ignite the sold out audience by scandalously grinding their crotches into the guardrails. The men in the front rows are stricken with joy over the Mexicans' sensual showing, and eagerly converge upon the barricades to try to at least touch the south of the border pretty boys. However, Los Diablos are all tease and not a single spectator is blessed with a magical touch. COACH WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO THE OAOAST! Are these fans idiots? They're wearing full bodysuits! And masks! How is that at all sexy? I could understand if they were out there lookin' like 50 Cent or Game, no homo. Got them shirts off, that brown skin, lookin' fine as hell, no homo. Then you know, you wanna be up all in that mix, no homo. Run your hands up and down they sexy abs, no homo. Feelin up they chest, no homo. Get you some of that fine black man, no homo. That shit everybody needs once in awhile, no homo. Them big, muscular ass brothers, type that got they sex game on point, no homo. COLE Coach, just because you say no homo doesn't make it any less homosexual! COACH Yes it does. Mariachi slides into the ring, where he energetically pumps his crotch into the canvas while he stares with deep enchantment into the camera, turning out every male viewer with a simple wink and a steamy smile. Moracca struts along the apron, giving the lusting the fans an entrancing view of the supple backside that's squeezed tightly behind the PVC fabric. Blonde, who's beyond repulsed by Los Diablos, demands Faqu start the match. Thankfully, the Samoan agrees. DING DING DING Faqu tries to play a good sportsman by offering his hand to Mariachi. However, the Mexican has other ideas; he takes Faqu's hand into his and places a delicate kiss onto his knuckles. Needless to say this does not endear much joy in Faqu's heart, and he angrily swats at his rival with his fist. Mariachi uses his forearm to deflect the incoming blow, then SMACKS Faqu in his pudgy cheek! As Faqu stumbles backwards, Mariachi proceeds to bust out a round of salacious hip swiveling. “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Mariachi points towards his adoring fans, then bounces off the ropes. Upon returning to the Samoan he leaps into a cross body block. But Faqu catches the luchadore in his arms, and throws his pink clad body backwards with a fall away slam! Mariachi lands with a resounding thud, music to the ears of the former HI-YAH superstar. However, Mariachi isn't as disabled as Faqu believed him to be, and when the Islander goes to scoop him off the canvas, he struck in the stomach with a pink glove! Faqu retorts to this attack by shoving Mariachi away and making the tag to James Blonde. COLE Blonde has never quite achieved the same level of greatness as Faqu has in the world of wrestling and that's always been a bone of contention between the two parties. Blonde enters the fray by picking up his rival and smashing an elbow into his forehead. The fierce strike sinks Mariachi to his knee pads, and he slowly crawls to the ropes. There's no salvation in the cables, however, as the Canadian uses them to choke his enemy. Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer gives a stern five count against the hold. Yet Blonde refuses to heed his orders. This does not sit well with old man Clem, and without any hesitation, he pushes Blonde away! “YEAAAA!” COLE Thata boy, Clem! Blonde does not partake in Cole's enthusiasm, and instead unloads a torrent of rage upon the referee. However thanks to Clem's short term memory loss, he has no idea what he's done wrong, and merely cowers in great fear! Thankfully Mariachi comes to his rescue with a side Russian leg sweep! A pin follows, and Clem is eager to count it! ONE TWO But Blonde kicks out long before the three count! JB quickly scurries to his feet, but finds himself immediately whipped towards Los Diablos' corner. When he reaches Moracca, Blonde shoots his red elbow pad into his face. The blow drops the luchadore to the apron, and draws a decent amount of heel heat from the Floridians. Grinning in disgusting joy, Blonde charges towards Mariachi with a shoulder block. However, the Mexican dodges the strike by lacing his frilly boots around Blonde's legs to trip with a drop toe hold. The former HI-YAH star hits the canvas with a harsh impact, but his fragile ego seems to be hurt more then anything. And his pride certainly isn't helped when his blurry vision witnesses Mariachi performing crotch chops in front of his face! COLE You gotta love Los Diablos! COACH No you don't! No one has to love them! If they do there's something wrong with them! Mariachi applies the tag to boytoy Moracca. Eager for retribution over JB's cheap shot, Moracca springboards into the affair with a lariat! But Blonde swoops bellow the attack, and the only thing of Moracca's that hits him are the multicolored arm tassels. However, when he turns around to paste his opponent with a punch, he's flung to the mat with beautiful dropkick! As the crowd cheers the move, the flamboyant superstar attempts a pinfall! ONE Blonde powers out of the pinfall, and speedily heads to his feet. As Moracca stands to join him, he's greeted by a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him badly dazed. With the lucha sensation out on his feet, Blonde takes off towards the ropes. When he rebounds to his rival, he extends his muscular arm out and lacerates Moracca with a lariat! Despite the large amount of pain he's under, Moracca valiantly attempts to struggle upright. However, Blonde keeps him grounded with an elbow drop. He then pins Moracca... ONE Moracca kicks out in a defiant manner, angrily thrusting his shoulder off the canvas. This show of defiance is not greeted well by JB, who pumps a round of stomps into the chest of the Mexican. Once his stomping concludes, Blonde scrapes Moracca off the canvas, and leads him into his corner. He applies the tag with Faqu, then gives strict orders to “Finish this chump off!” The Samoan Wrecking Ball attempts to make good on this order with a basic bodyslam. As Moracca convulses in pain, Faqu takes towards the ropes. When he returns to his rival, he leaps into a bodysplash and crushes him beneath his massive bodyweight. Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE TWO But our favorite fruit booty kicks out of the pin! COLE That's a huge, huge, man coming down on you with the bodysplash, and I don't envy Moracca one bit. Growling in disugst over the failed pinfall, Faqu rips his adversary off the canvas. He shoves him into his team's corner, where proceeds to decimate him with knife edge chops. The sound of Faqu's hand tearing through the flimsily pink top ecohes throughout the arena. Eventually, Moracca is able to turn the tides on his foe by slashing him with an elbow strike. He proceeds to batter the the man with swift strikes to the leg. Yet he finds his offensive flurry quickly cut short by a devastating lariat from the islander. While Moracca lies on the mat in a sizable amount of pain, Faqu returns James Blonde to the bout. COLE James Blonde really needs to get in here and make a good impression. With the closing of HI-YAH nothing is guaranteed for him here in the OAOAST As Blonde attempts to enter the ring the impression that he makes is a roundly bad one; Moracca strikes him with a majestic dropkick that pushes him through the ropes and onto the apron. Greatly annoyed with Moracca's offensive surge, Blonde quickly rises to score a measure of revenge. Unfortunately for him his plan goes horribly, horribly, horribly, astray, when the queer luchadore reaches through the ropes and attacks him with the dreaded testicular claw! COACH What is wrong with these cats? That ain't hip-hop! That ain't hip-hop! COLE That's because this is pro wrestling. COACH That ain't pro wrestling either. It should be an instant DQ! And James Blonde might call for one, were he not howling at the top of his lungs. His tortured screams are quickly joined and overwhelmed by the roar of the audience, and the giggling delight of his foe. “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Though the crowd may delight in Blonde's misfortunes, referee Buzzlefoxer does his job and requests a break from Moracca. The Mexican grants this request, but does so only to move Blonde into a front facelock. He attempts to bring him into the ring with a basic vertical suplex, but at the height of the hold, Blonde shifts his bodyweight backwards to land behind the gay sensation. He speedily coils his arms around Moracca's waist in hopes of hitting a German suplex. Yet, Moracca's fruity antics prevent such actions, as he joyfully grinds his tush into Blonde's crotch! COACH This hell is wrong with this fool? Disgusted by the twadry harassment, Blonde is quick to let his opponent go free. He begins to furiously brushi his brawny body off, as though that could somehow free him of the perversity he's suffered. Sadly, all it does is permit his enemy to punish him with a torpedo clothesline! Moracca then attempts a pinfall... ONE TWO But Blonde peels his shoulder off the mat, greatly upsetting the pro Diablos crowd. The flamboyant superstar begins clapping his hands in an effort to pump up the audience as he waits for The Mover From Vancouver to stand. Once Blonde finally rises, his wrist is caught by Moracca's gloved hand and he's slung into the ropes. However, he's quick to reverse the hold, and it's Moracca that's sent hurtling towards the cables. Once his partner hits the orange bands, Mariachi makes a blind tag. Blonde's surprise is enormous when the newest entrant to the contest bowls him over with a springboard dropkick! COACH Man, to go from dropping small Asain kids on their head in Japan, to getting ran ragged by Menudo is not what's up. Clutching his badly bruised face, Blonde staggers off the canvas, and uses his free hand to lob punches towards his vexing foe. Yet he can fire off no more then three jabs before the Anderson Cup finalist catches onto his incoming arm, and uses it to fire him into a neutral corner. Blonde's back crashes into the poorly padded posts, and he emits a roar of anguish as a result of this pain. Matters turn even more deadly for him when he eyes a giggling Mariachi zooming towards him with a “high angle” bronco buster! Acting out of sheer desperation, Blonde dives away from the oncoming face full of penis, and Mari is left to suffer through a terrible collision with the highest post! “OOOOOH!” go the male members of the audience in sympathy. Obviously, Blonde does not share in their sympathies, and eagerly seeks to inflict further damage upon Mariachi. With the queen still impaled upon the top turnbuckle, Blonde traps him into an inverted ¾ facelock. Without a moment of waiting he jerks his bodyward, yanking Mari off the posts and punishing him with a lethal neckbreaker! COLE Did you see the way Mariachi's neck just twisted and cranked? COACH I saw it and I loved it. The Mover From Vancouver goes for a pin and his fingers count along with each slap of the canvas, ONE TWO While JB's personal count may have reached three, Buzzlefoxer's fails to do so, thanks to Mariachi's kickout. Blonde adamantly protests this perceived slow count. He becomes so involved with his compliant that he fails to notice Mariachi getting to his feet and darting towards the ropes. However, once Mariachi returns to him with the makings of a bulldog, Blonde becomes aware of his position and flattens him with a diving lariat! The pain ripping through Mari's chest is horrific, and it prevents him from stopping Blonde from raising him by his glittering mask and dragging him towards his (Blonde's) corner. “USA! USA! USA!” sing the fans, exposing themselves as the stupidest wrestling audience of all time. A tag is made with Faqu, and before Mariachi knows what is what, he's being sucked within the gears of a grotesque double team. Both men trap him into a front facelock, then swiftly drop him to the canvas with DDT that savages his battered neck. Faqu follows the hold with a pin, while Blonde departs the ring with a smug smirk on his face. ONE TWO But Mariachi kicks out and there's great delight to be had by the audience. Mariachi then tries to draw on their support in order to will himself to his feet. But as he stands, Faqu pounces on him, clasping his mighty claws around the luchadore's skinny neck. As Mariachi exerts a grandoise effort just to breathe, his snarling rival hoists him into the sky. Mariachi frantically scrapes and slashes at the arms that hold aloft, but there's nothing he can do to prevent Faqu from decimating him with the dreadful choke bomb! Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE TWO Somehow, Mariachi summons the strength needed to kickout of the fall. Yet the strength needed to take the fight to Faqu continues to elude him; Faqu pulls him up by his rhinestone belt and snares him into a double underhook. He then lifts Mariachi vertically, seconds before he spikes his head into the canvas with an underhook pile driver. Faqu leaves Mariachi to quiver on the mat, and departs towards the ropes. Once he nears the luchadore he takes to the skies and drives the point of his knee onto his foe's forehead. As the agony of the strike tremors through his head, Faqu seeks another pinfall. ONE TWO Again Mariachi kicksout! “YEAAAAA!” The normally stoic Faqu is beside himself with disgust over the failure of his pin. He grumbles in aggravation as he lifts Mariachi into a standing head scissors. He pulls the luchadore onto his shoulders in preparation for a deadly powerbomb. However, Mariachi utilizes his incredible agility to overtake Faqu with a hurricanrana! The crowd goes nuclear with joy over Mari's counter, and their delight is increased ten fold when he uses a great burst of energy to dive forward and apply the tag with Mariachi! “HOMIES! HOMIES! HOMIES!” Sensing the obvious turning of the tide, Blonde doesn't even bother to wait for the tag from his partner. He darts into the ring, leaping over Faqu's dizzied body, and aims a lariat towards the approaching gay sensation. But Mariachi counters the attack by shooting his boot forward and catching Blonde with a superkick! The Vancouver native crashes into the canvas, and instantly has Mariachi descending upon his busted face with a double stomp. Fortunately, Blonde avoids the catastrophic disaster by shifting his head to the left. The avoidance pushes Mariachi off balance, and this permits the suddenly recovered Faqu to strike the Mexican with a concussing forearm to the face! COLE Faqu wasn't down for long, that's for sure! Unfortunately for the Samoan, while Mariachi may have been dealt with, Moracca is far from vanquished. He leaps onto Faqu's shoulders, then overtakes the surprised grappler by rolling forward and dropping him into a pin. Buzzlefoxer and the audience score the fall..... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Blonde breaks the fall up with a strike of his boot! “BOOOOO!” The crowd's mood improves somewhat when Mariachi dives upon the Canadian with furious clubbing forearms. Blonde rises through the wave of strikes, but before he can mount a counterattack Mariachi grabs him beneath each armpit, and quickly lifts him into the air. He then falls forward into a seated position, dropping his enemy onto his back! The audience sings with glee over the high impact attack, and counts along with Buzzlefoxer's scoring of the ensuing pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Faqu obliterates the pinfall,and Mariachi's back with a running bodysplash! Needless to say, the fans are less then tickled at this latest development, and boo fiercely. COLE Once again Faqu making himself felt, and believe me, that's not the kind of man you want to be made to feel. An EMT Tim or a Johnny Jackson, maybe. But not Faqu. Faqu brings Mariachi off the canvas, and instantly wrenches his arm in preparation for a corckscrew neckbreaker. However Mariachi slips free of the hold, and uses a great surge of strength to shove the islander into the ropes. Mariachi bounces off the cables himself, and as the two near a gargantuan collision, he leaps behind Faqu for a “flashback”. The flashy (no pun) hold earns an amazing pop from the crowd, and a groan of despair from Faqu. Buzzlefoxer counts the resulting fall.. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO A kickout by Faqu! Mari sits with “her” hands pressed to “her” head. His purple lipsticked mouth is held agape as he wonders how Faqu kicked out of the agile attack. COACH What resiliency by Faqu! And what desire to avoid the embarrassment that comes hand and hand with losing to Los Diablos. Mariachi patiently awaits for Faqu to rise upright. But once the Samoan gets to his feet he stuns the luchadore with a fireman’s carry! Mariachi is quick to rise from the basic hold. Unfortunately for him, Faqu is quick to ground him with the falcon arrow. As Mariachi's spirited attack is throughly deflated by the hold, a pin is quick to follow. ONE! TWO! THREE! A disappointed crowd reacts with an annoyed groan to the result. Blonde, on the other hand, is ecstatic with the outcome and dives upon his perpetually stoic partner in celebration. BUFFER The winners of the match, James Blonde and Faqu! COLE A well fought match between both teams, but Los Diablos De Fuego a little rusty coming off.... COACH Don't make excuses, dawg! Homies got beat, that's it. And James Blonde, and Faqu were lookin' real good in their first match back as OAOAST full time competitors. I'm proud to have them on the roster. COLE Well, I argue that Los Diablos were definitely rusty, but I can't argue Blonde and Faqu put in a good showing! Folks, we'll be back with more. COMMERCIAL

We're thrust...THRUST I SAY, deep into the den of malpractice that is the office of Doctor Max Anderson medical professional at law. That last part made no sense. And it really isn't office, more of a janitor's closet in the arena with a couple of artificial plants, and a few back issues of Asian Tail magazine belonging to the absent janitor. Doc Max sits behind his desk, wearing a white lab coat, unbuttoned to show off SUPA SEXY chest hair. Some women prefer a jungle of love. I like my men freshly shaven. Across from him are his unusual “patients” (hey, he went to med school!), Alix Maria Spezia, and Krista Isadora Duncan. Alix is outfitted in a white A&F cotton polo with a frilly floral pattern on the side, and a cute, destroyed ultra tinyjean shorts. Krista wears a grey Salvage pistol tank dress which packs a heavy rock inspried punch, with black graphics that flow chaotically around savage lettering. And let's just pretend the girls didn't hear Leon talk about a 5 on 5 match, ooookay. There at the doctor's for pete's sake! Have a heart! ANDERSON I don't have all the medical equipment I need to give you an accurate or technically sound diagnosis, unless there's a state of the art x-ray machine beneath these stacks of Asian pornography, but I think you're over reacting just a tad, Krista. The leg injury Alix got from The Enterprise in her Great Angle Bash match is very minor. KRISTA Hey, Doctor Quinn Medicine woman, I'm not paying you for your opinion, I'm paying you to agree with whatever I say. ANDERSON You're not paying me at all, really. You just yanked me out of the buffet line and dragged me into this closet. By the time I get back all the Miss Spezia's Sweeties Kimmy Gibbler coffee cakes will be gone! Alix, is she always like this? ALIX Oh yeah, but one look at that cute BUTT and she is soooooo worth it. ANDERSON Butts are nice, but give me a nice pair of legs any day of the week. ALIX Oooh yeah, you wanna see some really, really, really, sexy legs? Krista, honey, put your legs on the desk. KRISTA We're not here for girl talk. ALIX (in an overly deep voice) Sorry, Krista! How are the testicles, Maxwell? Have you oppressed any minorities lately? ANDERON Why, yes, I called the cook at the noodle shop down the street “Chinaman”! (Max returns to a more doctorly, not a word, style of speech) But the point I was trying to get to, is that Alix may have missed last week's show with the injury, but this week she's perfectly fine. You two could wrestle tonight if you wanted. ALIX (coyly) Oh don't worry, doctor, the bottle of whip cream I just bought means we'll be doing a whole bunch of that! KRISTA Oh dear god. ALIX Oooh, I haven't heard one of those in awhile. Speaking of which,doctor, with this little leg thing I got going on, can we still boom-chika-boom? KRISTA Alix, do you think you could approach this with a bit more maturity and dignity? ALIX Okie dokie, jokie. Can we still do it in the coat closet at her mother's country club? I don't know about her, but I'm red hot and ready to moan! Krissy, that is, not her mother. Although, she's more then welcome to lend a finger or two. KRISTA And just when I told my counselor my urge to kill myself had lessened. ANDERSON Well, it's like I said, you can wrestle right now if you wanted, it's only a minor ankle sprain. But you'd prefer to keep, um, risks of reinjury to a minimum. It's just a matter of weight distribution, maybe range of motion, and not getting tangled in all those mink fur coats. Not to get bogged down with details..... ALIX No, bog away, dude, no one likes to kill the mood with useless crap more then Krissy! KRISSY She's right. Bog away! ANDERSON Aside from medical concerns, couples, often times, have certain...umm...preferences. Despite being a stripper and a doctor, Max has some issues broaching the topic of sexual positions. Krista, of course has no such qualms, and throws The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us on the desk. Anderson's eyes widen as though he's been entrusted to view some magical holy grail, and he says a silent thank you to the lord above. Krista ignores his delighted expression and instead flips through the pages until settling on a rather um...uh...let's just say complicated position. Yes. Complicated. KRISTA Can we still do this? ANDERSON Sweet Virgin Mary! You mean you can do that normally? KRISTA Well I am a fitness queen. ANDERSON But she's just a chef! KRISTA (pointing to another position) How about this? Alix, remember how scared the cats got? ALIX Yeah, well, all the mud kind of made us look like the creature from the black lagoon. While Alix and Krista laugh at their cats' reaction to the Venus to Venus, Max looks through the book with great interest. Great interest. ANDERSON A lot these of are fine, you just want to avoid things like this....and this, and oh man, how do you fit that in there? Krista leans forward to flip through a few pages before settling on another position. KRISTA How about this, doc? ANDERSON (amazed, and overjoyed) Three..three....three people?! At this point, Doctor Jekyll becomes Mister Hide. Or is it the other way around? Fuck if I know. I AIN'T READING BOOKS, I'M IN THE STREETS. ANDERSON Ladies, ladies, ladies, if you wanted to take “intensive care” of Doc Anderson's unit, then there's no need for the pretext of this minor leg injury. All you had to do was ask Doc Anderson for one of his extra special breast exams. You know what I'm saying? KRISTA You seem to be asking Doctor Krista for one of her extra special rectal exams. You know what I'm saying, Doogie Houser? ALIX Yeah, dude, we're talking about Mackenzie, anyway. ANDERSON Mackenzie? Good night nurse! Really? ALIX (taking like a 70's pimp) Let me run something down to you, trick, most of what's out there is two dollar bitches, with three dollar haircuts, but Mackie's the quality of qualitaaay, the tippity toppity of the biddy stock. Say Amen. ANDERSON Amen! ALIX We even have stuff in common! Her father was a world famous topiary artist, and my dad used to work as one to but then they fired him because all his sculptures were of a nude Hitler. KRISTA Yeah, she's hot. There's no punchline to that, doctor. That girl is just flat out gorgeous. Even her Myspace page is wonderful. Most people's Myspaces and blogs suck. You should read my sister, Layla's one. Interests: “I like to have fun, enjoy myself, and laugh, and smile.” Who the fuck doesn't,Layla? Anyway, while I don't agree with the neo-McCarthyist brainwashing Moneymaker's done to Mackenize, the entry she wrote on Governor Schwarzenegger using nonprofit charities to subsidize his private jet? I haven't been that turned on by political talk since Hilary's 1996 Democratic National committee speech. ALIX It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes a single keystroke to lower my skirt! KRISTA But it's just a shame that Mackie's mind has been chained to the patriarchal republican galley ship, and mercilessly whipped by her misogynistic imperial slave masters. ALIX But in a non political framework, she's way HAWT! KRISTA Totally, I'd hook up with her even if she was wearing a Bush mask. ALIX Or a Regan mask. KRISTA Woah, woah, woah, woah, that's Krista's last stop on the dyke train. Karl Rove? Scooter Libby? Okay. Ronald Regan? Not even if she was dipped in cookie dough ice cream....well, okay maybe then. Anyway, back to the book, do you think we could squeeze a third person into this one? Krista points to another very complex position. ALIX (scoffing) Woah! Only if that third person is Emmanuel Lewis. KRISTA Alrighty then, that terribly, terribly, unfortunate, mental image just guaranteed you won't be getting any until my next therapy session. Until then enjoy my Bellydancing to a better BUTT fitness video. Thanks for everything, doc. Krista removes the book from Max's still stunned eyes, and departs stage left. Or door left in this case. ALIX Hey, honey can you walk a little slower, so I can enjoy the view? To that, Krista offers Alix a one fingered salute. Anderson and Alix are left to shake their heads in annoyance and confusion. ALIX and ANDERSON Women! somewhere Stephen Pigley cries COMMERCIAL And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK! Courtesy: The Great Angle Bash The HD logo flashes across the screen and leads us inside the private RECORDING STUDIO of THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Holly stands between Synth and Logan, both of whom are seated comfortably on leather recliners. LOGAN First and foremost, Tampa, sorry we couldn’t be there live and in living color, but as the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time there are certain obligations that need to be met in order for us to grace you with our heavenly presence. Now that we’ve cleared the air on that subject, let’s talk about the Bash. It seems like that’s all people have on their minds. They wanna know why we did what we did; elements in society hoping and praying we plead temporarily insanity. SYNTH Out of our minds and outta this world! LOGAN Well, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, you don’t need to be no rocket scientist to figure it out. It’s just like the Heavenly Rockers said months ago, don’t mess with our money and fame. To sample our boy P. Diddy’s campaign in ‘04, “do it and die!” SYNTH Insensitive to the highest degree. Rock ‘n’ roll, mutha[bleep]! LOGAN You see, when the house was a-rockin’ we didn’t come a-knockin’, we banged the damn door down! All we tried to do is pass along our knowledge of the dog-eat-dog world that is professional wrestling to the Lone Star Gunslingers, but they could only think about the moment in time in which they’d stab us in the back. Do unto others before they do unto you sayeth Logan Usher Mann! HOLLY-WOOD SYNTH LOGAN Holly, problem?! HOLLY LOGAN You got a problem with what your man, the “Macho MACHO” Mann that satisfies your every need, is sayin’? HOLLY Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. I think this whole “feud” is childish. Melody assured me the Lone Star Gunslingers were no threat to us. All they wanted was the HI-YAH tag team championship. SYNTH At our expense. And whatcha doin’ still yammering with dat Melody? HOLLY Yammering? What did you do, Synth, finally put the bong down and picked up a thesaurus? SYNTH Hey, ah got feelings, you know. HOLLY Look, what I’m trying to say is, they wanted the belts and we wanted the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. We had this worked out going into the Great Angle Bash, but it obviously didn’t stop you guys from getting involved in a pissing contest. LOGAN Didn’t your mother ever teach you to never -- and I mean, never-never-never -- bite the hand that feeds you, girl?! If not for the Heavenly Rockers you’d still be some lonely publicist at Arista. Don’t you forget THAT and the one thing you’re only good at…head banging below the waist! HOLLY SYNTH Holly appears to wipe a tear as she storms out of the studio, lip quivering. LOGAN Ah, shit. Holly! Realizing what he’s done Logan chases after his wife. Left alone in the studio Synth wanders around before staring into the camera… SYNTH Who be bad now?! Who be bad now?! Who be bad now?! We be bad now! We be bad now! We be bad now! ...and then relives Ashley Simpson’s infamous blunder on SNL, dancing like a fool as the video ends. COMING UP NEXT Faqu and James Blonde Vs Los Diablos De Fuego NEXT

wait, do you mean Maggie and not Melody?

The mainevent is ready for its editing!

"Well I know you can't Work in fast food all your life But don't sign that Paper tonight" She said, but it's too late. And I don't remember what I read Don't remember what they said I guess it doesn't matter I guess it doesn't matter anymore Cause you're gonna go to the record store You're gonna give 'em all your money The radio plays what they want you to hear They tell me it's cool I just don't believe it Sell out With me, oh yeah Sell out With me tonight The record companys only give me lots of money And everything's gonna be (Alright)

And it's shocking!

"Getting Away With Murder" brings the crowd to their feet as we return for the final segment of the night, as the World Champion has promised to make a statement regarding his successful title defense this past Sunday. COLE Just four days removed from a struggle with Landon Maddix that saw the challenger continue to attempt to permanently injure him, Zack Malibu is here on HeldDOWN~! STILL the World Heavyweight Champion! COACH He got busted up, he got bloodied, and some people would say he was downright lucky at the Great Angle Bash this past Sunday! COLE Call it what you want, but the champ is HERE, and he's gonna tell us what's on his mind! Malibu has made his way down the aisle, dressed in jeans, black boots, and a black dress shirt. Zack is greeted with a welcome response from the OAOAST faithful, who show respect for the company's franchise player with deafening cheers and a sea of signs brandishing his name. MALIBU Thank you, thank you all. You know, I said as soon as I won this belt back, that I would restore the honor and prestige that so many before me have given it. I said that I would do my best to make up for what happened during the prior champions reign because I felt it was owed not just to this company or this industry, but to you people. You people continue to support us, you fill these arenas, you wear our shirts, you buy our action figures, and YOU deserve a fighting champion! The crowd, unanimously in agreement, cheer Zack on. MALIBU People have asked me why I went into the match in the condition I was in. For two weeks prior, Landon Maddix and his running buddies did a number on me, attempting to soften me up. What Landon Maddix doesn't realize is that they can beat on me all they want. He should have paid more attention when he was hooked up with Bruce Blank and the Wildcards that I can be one persistent son of a bitch, because Landon, you may have injured me, but you never at any point broke my spirit, and THAT is how I retained over you the other night. Not by chance, not by luck, but because I had faith in MYSELF. I've been here for five years. I've seen them all come and go. I've been on both sides of the fence, and I've battled everyone that came through here, and NEVER did I give up as easily as you expected. I don't care if I'm injured, busted, bleeding...until there is no breath left in my body I will do right by this company and this belt that's over my shoulder right now because THAT is what a champion is! I welcome all challengers, because this company went far too long without a real champion, and it's time to get things back on track! It could be anyone in the back...it could be Landon Maddix again, it could be Bohemoth, it could be someone from the Lightning Crew, it could be my friends in the GPX...if ANYONE wants to challenge the champion, I welcome it, because that's what I want to see out of that locker room. I want to see people earning their keep around here, FIGHTING their way to the top. I want this company to remain the best damn thing going today, and a champion is only as good as his opposition! I... Zack turns around towards the aisleway and stops for a moment, as Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X from the Lightning Crew have come out to ringside! Malibu doesn't say a word as Boricua climbs up the steps and into the ring, while X circles ringside. COLE Two members of Tha Puerto Rican's Lightning Crew are out here now, and I wonder if they're taking what Malibu's been saying to heart. COACH He said he'd welcome all challengers. COLE I don't think he meant NOW, Coach! Boricua confronts Zack, mouthing off in his face, which Zack takes in stride...until Boricua SPITS on the World Title belt, then slaps Zack across the face! Infuriated, Malibu drops down and takes Boricua's legs out from under him, then gets atop him and starts wailing away, momentarily forgetting about Vitamin X, who slides into the ring and starts putting the boots to Zack Malibu! COLE They're mugging the World Champion! VX drags Zack to his feet, but neither man allows him the room to get up, instead pounding on him with clubbing blows across the back. Vitamin X then sends Zack into the corner, and has Boricua whip him into him, nailing Zack wtih a corner clothesline before tossing him out of the corner, into the waiting arms of Mr. Boricua, who drills the World Champion with a SPINEBUSTER~! COLE It's a 2 on 1! We need some help out he...wait, what's going on in the back? Can we get a camera back there!? What's going on!? As Malibu is being worked over in the ring, a camera shakes, as the cameraman jogs through the backstage maze of hallways, where Tha Puerto Rican has just been hurled over the catering table, taking both table and food down with him! The camera pans over, and the man responsible is TODD CORTEZ, who moves the table aside and drags PRL up, running him headfirst into a wall! COLE What the hell...we've got two members of the crew out here, Tha Puerto Rican has been jumped by Todd Cortez backstage, and...now wait, c'mon now! The crowd boos loudly as the South Central Millitia, weilding steel pipes, hit the ring! Vincent and Marcellus roll into the ring, and the Crew members welcome them, asking if they want a shot at Malibu as well. Unfortunately for VX and Boricua, the only shot the SCM takes is on them, as Vincent nails VX in the ribs with one pipe, while Marcellus does the same to Boricua, and follows up with a shot across the back! COACH What's going on here, Mikey!? Am I seeing this right!? The crowd, as shocked as everyone else, roars, as the South Central Millitia, just one week seperated from doing battle with Zack Malibu, have saved him from the Lightning Crew! Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua lay on the floor aching and bruised, while Vincent and Marcellus slowly help Zack Malibu to his feet! COLE I'll be damned, I never thought I'd see the day that the SCM and Zack Malibu were on the same page! Malibu is shocked too, but Marcellus helps him up, assuring him he's going to be OK...but that's BEFORE he slams the steel pipe across Malibu's ribs! COLE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE TONIGHT!? IMMEDIATELY, the crowd picks up on the swerve, and start booing loudly, as the SCM beat Zack down, gangland style! Zack tries to fight up, but every time he does he's sent back to the canvas, worked over by hard shots from the gangbangers, and that's when Landon Maddix appears on the scene, jogging down the aisle! COACH Maddix! COLE C'mon people, get Zack out of there! Santana and Wallace pull Malibu up, holding him securely with one arm each, as Maddix picks up the mic Zack dropped during the attack. MADDIX Hey, Malibu, guess what? You beat me four days ago, and that's all well and good...but you remember one thing, you took that title match Sunday because of your own damn selfish pride. You wanted to prove so badly that you were going to take this World Title belt of yours (Landon picks up the belt and dangles it in front of Zack's face) that you took my challenge on the spot. Let me spell that out to you again Zack... you accepted my challenge. Zack, that was the biggest mistake of your life, because just like you, I know it's always wise to have a backup plan. So Zack, I'm gonna give you a chance to kiss this belt goodbye, because I am cashing in my Money In The Bank win RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW~! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Oh snap! COLE So THAT'S what this is all about! Landon's trying to set up a cakewalk for the belt! MADDIX REFEREE! ANY referee, we've got what, like 40 of you on the roster? Get your ass out here, because I'm going to END you, Zack! Leave him to me, boys! Santana and Wallace drop Zack to the mat, as Maddix looms over him, playfully kicking him while holding the World Title in his hand. MADDIX Get up, Malibu! Get up, and say goodbye to your precious championship! Zack slowly pushes up, rising to his feet, as Landon throws the mix down and folds the belt up. He cocks it in his hands, and Malibu stands tall as Landon rushes forward with a BELTSH...NO~! ZACK DUCKS IT AND ROLLS HIM UP WITH A SCHOOLBOY, JUST AS EARL HEBNER HAS HIT THE RING~! ONE! T-NO! Popping right back to his feet, Landon unloads with stomps. A flurry of them, pinpointed to the ribs of The Franchise! COLE Look at Maddix, like a man possessed! COACH This is a shocker! I think we all assumed Landon has used his Money In The Bank at The Bash, but it turns out he had it in reserve the whole time. He played Zack like a fiddle! Finally the stomps end and Landon wipes the hair from his eyes. Eyes that are wide, Landon aware of just how close he is. Dragging Zack off of the canvas, Maddix grabs him by the wrist, dragging him forward into a short knee. The air rushes out of Zack's body with a loud, pained groan, as Maddix connects with a second knee. Releasing the arm, a HARD kick then floors Zack, the World Champion sitting up with blood beginning to dribble down his chin. COLE Zack, bleeding from the mouth again! Those internal injuries have had no time to heal what-so-ever and yet again, he's in serious, serious trouble. COACH And Zack can't blame anybody but himself. COLE How!? COACH He wanted to be the 'fighting champion'. He wanted to be the hero. Say what you want about Drek Stone, I don't remember this happening to him. "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" The Indianapolis crowd try to get behind Zack. Even their support doesn't seem to be helping though as Maddix drags him up by the hair, whipping him into the buckles and watching with a satisfied smile as Malibu crumbles out of the corner. COLE Zack came in injured tonight, he has been beaten down by four other men and now, now THIS! And look at that grin on Landon's face! This is sickening! Slowly walking over to Zack, Landon takes his sweet time. Again he drags Zack up by the hair, delivering another hard kick to the ribs. And in a final insult he then slides to Zack's side, struggling as he takes him up with the ANGLE SLAM~! Not the finest execution, but who cares? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Damnit! COACH I think that's what they call 'poetic'. Megan raises her arms in the air, counting along in glee with Landon as he covers... ONE! TWO! THRE... NO, ZACK KICKS OUT! ZACK KICKS OUT~! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE YES! COME ON ZACK, FIGHT, FIGHT WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Utterly shocked, Landon begins to get that sinking feeling. Zack is still in the fight, however barely. But before Zack can get back up, he takes a punch to the ribs. Again. Again. And again and again and again and again, with no end in sight, Maddix trying to turn Zack's internal organs into mincemeat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Eventually Zack seems to go limp, and Landon is the one keeping him from falling, as he holds him by the collar of his shirt. Leading Zack away from the ropes, Landon hoists Zack up onto his shoulders, looking to deal the death blow. However, before Zack can Go 2 Sleep, he decides he wants to stay up a little while longer, and kicks himself off Landon's shoulders! Thinking quickly, Zack goes for the ANGLE SLAM~!, but can't lift Landon, dropping him to his feet! Favoring the ribs, Malibu keels over and winds up scooped up again, onto Landon's shoulders, before La Cucaracha decides to put him to bed. GO 2 SLEEP ON ZACK MALIBU~! COLE No, COME ON! This is robbery! This was a premeditated assault! Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE NO! I don't believe it...this can't be happening! COACH It is, Mikey Cole, it most certainly is! We have a NEW World Heavyweight Champion, and it happened right here on live television! As "Personal Jesus" is cued up, Landon Maddix is given the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and he clutches it to his chest. Megan Skye rolls into the ring and rubs her mans shoulders as he stares into the gold center plate, then rises to his feet and unleashes a primal scream as he raises the belt in the air. COLE I...I'm in shock. I don't believe what we've just seen. The Millitia enter the ring as well, as Landon shakes both their hands and thanks them, before they take Landon and lift him onto their shoulders like a conquering hero! COLE This is disgusting! COACH This is history, baby! The crowd boos loudly, some even risking evicition from the arena by tossing everything from beer cups to nacho dishes into the ring. OAOAST come to ringside and tend to Zack, gently sliding him out of the ring and onto a stretcher so that they can get him backstage and checked out by medical personnel. COLE Zack Malibu has been brutalized here tonight, and Landon Maddix swept in like a thief in the night, stealing the item that means most to him. Landon Maddix is the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, and I guarantee you one thing folks...things are going to change around here, and not for the better! FADE OUT.

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Confession time : Party Like a Rockstar is ass cheeks, and I can't fuck with that shit no longer. I shit all over that wack track. But I have no better song for a theme, so audiences across the globe must be subjected to it once again. To make up for it they're treated to the flashy, superproduced intro video. Once that's done we witness the logo. FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Fuk an opening announce team! We're taken backstage now to the lavish dressing room of the OAOAST's most elite group, The Enterprise! Not only are we getting footage from our tried and trusted OAOAST camera crew, but also intermittently from the new and improved model 'Siclopse' being waved around by a very pro-active Simon Singleton. It seems everyone is in good spirits in The Enterprise's world as Christian Wright, Mackenzie DeCenzo and Ned Blanchard chat away with their boss, one Theodore Moneymaker, only slightly irritated by Simon flittering around them with the camera. Not quite so 'jovial' are CPA and Jade Rodez who both stand at the back of the dressing room, happy to sip on the champagne and feast on the various mixed vegetables (healthy food for healthy athletes) provided by Mr. Moneymaker's wealth. MONEYMAKER It's like I always say guys, in the end justice will win out. And at the end of the day, we didn't just win out, we 'struck out'! Who knew a couple of Mexicans could be so good at this nation's famous sport? The foursome share a hearty laugh. SINGLETON (off-camera) Yeah, good one Teddy! I mean, it's just a pity we all couldn't win. That would have been... Every head in the room suddenly turns and glares at Singleton, the 'muzac' in the background seeming more eiree than cheerful now. From the OAOAST camera-crew's POV we can see Simon stuttering and stumbling for something to say to take the heat off of himself. And failing. MONEYMAKER Nevermind about that Simon. We all know the mistakes that were made in that match and we all know to take responsibility for those mistakes. It seems the finger of blame is being pointed towards Jade, which Ned seems to notice quickly enough to do something about it. BLANCHARD Yeah Christian! WRIGHT Wha... ME!? Surely you cannot be alludding to miscalculations perpretrated by my good self! BLANCHARD I am. I... think. I'm not 100% sure what you actually said. But, yeah, I am blaming you! You went and knocked poor Jade off the apron, as if she doesn't have enough problems dealing with abuse from her own 'supposed' friends and family, you go and knock her on her BUTT like a braindead clutz! WRIGHT With the greatest of respects to our erstwhile confidant, she was woefully mis-positioned... MONEYMAKER Alright that's enough! Wright and Ned quickly clam up. In the background, Jade looks a little embarrassed over all of this, something which Simon manages to pick up with his ever intrusive camera. MONEYMAKER Let's not dwell on who did what and who's fault it was that Duncan and those two teeny-boppers came out on top. The fact is, at the end of the night, The Enterprise were standing tall. One fluke victory can't take away from the success that myself and Ned achieved, on behalf of us all. Our credibility was maintained at the end of the night. Our stock did not fall. The Enterprise reigned supreme. Infact, I guess you could say, we hit a 'homerun' to save the game on Sunday night. As Moneymaker finishes that sentence, the door to the dressing room swings open and in shuffle LOS CONQUISTADORS, chattering between themselves in Spanish. MONEYMAKER Ah, speaking of which! If it isn't Los Conquistadors! Mackie, get these two men a glass of champagne wouldya. Guys, I want to thank you for your contributions at The Bash. You really redeemed yourselves, after that whole debacle with Los Diablos. Myself and Ned were very grateful. BLANCHARD Yes. Muy grateful-o. The Conquistadors nod their approval, before Uno makes a gesture with his hands. MONEYMAKER HAHA, Si, Si! As promised. Here ya go, one hundred American dollars a-piece for a job well done! As Moneymaker hands over the two hundred dollar bills, the Conqusitadors certainly seem very grateful, bowing and nodding at Teddy in between eyeing the money up. Ned can be seen raising his eyebrows to Simon a little. MONEYMAKER Now, that's not all. See, I've got another little 'assignment' for you. Next week in Tampa, we've got a match worked out for you. One of you, doesn't really matter which I guess, you've got Leon Rodez one on one. Suddenly the Conquistadors look a little less pleased and a whole lot more nervous. MONEYMAKER You did a fine job last week. And you succeeded in getting back into The Enterprise's good books, which believe me is where you want to stay. I'm sure you realise that. Well, next week, you can earn yourself a permanent place in my good books. You two did the job on Sunday. Now, I want you two to FINISH it! Understand? I want Leon Rodez finished. I want you to tear him apart, limb from limb. No remorse. I want you to be ruthless. I want you to be sadistic. I want Leon Rodez destroyed next week in that ring... Noticing Jade watching on behind him, Moneymaker sees the look on Jade's face and seems to change tact a little. MONEYMAKER You see her? That's who you're doing this for, understand! When you step into that ring, I want you to think of her. I want you to imagine that Leon Rodez attacked one of your fourteen brothers and sisters while they were out tending to the bean harvest! I want that fire, that passion inside of you! And I want you to finish the job, next week! For what he did to her. Got it!? Los Conquistadors nod away in their enthusiastic way, before they're sent on the way with a dismissive hand gesture from Moneymaker. Dusting his hands with satisfaction, Moneymaker picks up his glass of champagne again, downs the rest of it and stands up. MONEYMAKER Okay, let's go for a REAL celebration, shall we? A murmur of approval goes up as The Enterprise en mass begin to stand up and file out of the room. The group talk amongst themselves for the mostpart, as Ned specifically stays behind, making sure to hold the door open for Jade, who looks at him with a little suspicion before actually walking through the door. Of course, this gives Ned the perfect chance to check her out from a different 'camera angle'. And Simon too, literally with the Siclopse, which catches Ned's reaction perfectly as he realises he's being watched, all while watching someone else. BLANCHARD Damnit, turn that thing off already! SINGLETON (off-camera) I've got to check it works. Teddy paid $3000 for this thing! BLANCHARD Yeah well, you don't wanna use up all the film before the 'big night', do you? SINGLETON (off-camera) Actually, it's digital, so there is no film. Instead the images are stored on a memory card, which you can insert into... BLANCHARD If you don't pipe down, I'll insert it up your damn... MONEYMAKER (distant) Guys, come on already! The Blonds grumble at each other, before Simon finally shuts the Siclopse off. COLE How about that! Leon Rodez versus a member of Los Conquistadors, next week! Folks, welcome to HeldDOWN! Michael Cole here with The Coach, Great Angle Bash was an amazing show, and tonight's show promises more of the same hard hitting action. In fact we'll have an in ring performance from Abdullah Abir Nerdly when we return from break. COMING UP NEXT Abdullah Abir Nerdly on the hunt for his second win NEXT

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... Esurance-Quote.Buy.Print Pizzahut.com-Get America's favorite Pizza Unum-Better benefits at work As we return to HeldDOWN~!, the world's foremost (and pretty much only) song chronicalling the suffering of the third world "The Earth Song" by Michael Jackson is playing and wrestling's foremost (and definately only) environmental activist BIFF ATLAS is in the ring! With the song already about three minutes in, Biff finally gives the cue to the back to cut the music. COLE Biff Atlas, back on HeldDOWN~! And apparantly with something to say. BIFF Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Biff Atlas. And since you last saw me here on HeldDOWN~! I have embarked on a spiritual journey the likes of which most human-beings do not have the privledge of experiencing. Three weeks ago, I travelled to the Amazon and trekked through the rainforests, to get in touch with Mother Nature. It was a deeply humbling experience. And one which may not be possible in years to come, due to the threat of Global Warming. You see, the sights I saw are all too rare now. And when I thought about the plants I had passed, the creatures I had shared my surroundings with, the land in which my bare feet rested, it seemed all too soon that my private jet touched down in western civilisation again. As the crowd mull over the irony of Biff's last sentence and the fact a notorious OAOAST jobber can apparantly afford a private jet in the first place, Biff asks for some hush. BIFF But I will never forget my experience in the Amazon. It had only served to strengthen my resolve in changing the world and warning the wrestling community about climate change. Which is why on my return to the OAOAST, I am going to show you all what spiritual enlightenment and social conscience can do for a person. Namely, me. So tonight, I need an opponent. I'm issuing an Open Challenge to anyone in the back who thinks they can defeat Bono's Favourite Wrestler... COLE BIFF ...to come on out. Oh, and of course, it wouldn't be much of a challenge if there weren't a prize at stake. So, tonight, to anyone in the back, if you can defeat me you will win this... Biff reaches into the back of his tights and pulls out a glossy piece of paper, to GROANS from the crowd. BIFF ...this genuine, autographed pictue of Hollywood's most environment conscious star, Leonardo DiCaprio!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Sit down Michael! COLE I am sitting down you moron! As Biff hands the 'prize' to referee Charles Robinson who was unlucky enough to have passed Biff and the back and be dragged out to the ring with him, we wait to see if anyone will actually accept the challenge. Biff turns to the entrance way and waves somedbody, anybody on. And the lure of that autographed picture eventually proves too much... "You say its urgent Make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent Gotta rush, make it urgent" ...as "Urgent" by Foreigner hits, bringing out the man from The OAOAST First Responders Unit, EMT Tim! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest for the possession of... the autographed photo of Leonardo DiCaprio... set for one fall. On the way to the ring, the challenger. From the OAOAST First Responders Unit, weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... one half of RESCUE 911... EMT TIM CCAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER And, in the ring, from Venice Beach, California. Also at two hundred, twenty pounds, he is BIFF AAAAAATTLLLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, it looks like we have a challenger... COACH Now, hold up just a darn second here. Why the hell would a grown man, besides you of course, want an autographed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio? Better yet, why would a grown man actually fight over the possession of said photo. I mean, if he won it in a raffle, okay fair enough. But come on! COLE I'm not quite sure what you're trying to suggest about our friend from Rescue 911, but drop it. As Tim sets aside his medical bag, we are ready to go. The autographed photo is placed safely at ringside as EMT Tim tries to get the crowd going with some clapping. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and the two men circle. A lock-up finds an easy winner as Biff shoves Tim away, drawing a large circle with his hands, that large circle being 'Earth' of course. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Are these idiots seriously booing the Earth!? COLE Sounds like it. Not letting the power display of his opponent get to him Tim tries another lock-up. This time proves more of a struggle, before Tim takes Biff over with a sudden armdrag! Biff scrambles to his feet and runs into a second armdrag. And to his feet again, a hiptoss awaits Atlas, who decides to do some energy conservation to himself by sliding out of the ring. Fired up, EMT Tim pumps his fists. COACH I still don't get it. If this guy is so fired up about winning that picture, then I have to call into question his manhood right here and now. COLE Why? For all we know, Mr. Cash might well donate the picture to charity if he won. Rescue 911 reknowned for their charitable contributions to the community. Biff works out the kinks in his arm before re-entering the ring. Another lock-up is offered by Tim and it looks to be taken... until a surprise knee catches him in the stomach. Biff goes to work with forearms to the back, working the EMT over before attempting an irish whip. A reversal by Tim sends Biff for the ride, but he ducks his head too early and Biff puts on the brakes, powering his opponent up and over with a vertical suplex! Cover... 1... 2... No. Dragging Tim back up, Biff backs him into a corner and ignores the warnings from referee Robinson as he clubs him in the chest with an overhand forearm! And another! Shooing Robinson out of the way Biff then whips Tim across the ring, looking to follow in with a clothesline. But EMT Tim goes up and over, schoolboying Biff as he lands... 1... 2... Kickout! A wild clothesline from Tim misses the mark and Biff shoves him in the back, sending Tim chest-first into the turnbuckles! COLE Wow, that'll knock the wind out of you! COACH Somebody get the defib... the defibu... ya know, the shocky thing. COLE Well put. As EMT Tim slumps in the turnbuckles Biff picks out one young child in the front row giving him the thumbs down, telling him to "always recycle" rather than chastise him for booing him. Biff then pulls Tim out of the corner, crushing him with a Side Belly To Belly Suplex! 1... 2... No! While Tim takes his time getting back to his feet, still clearly struggling to get his breath back, Atlas goes to the middle rope. Measuring his EMT opponent, the environmental activist then comes down from above with a big double axehandle, right to the back of the head! COLE Biff certainly looking impressive so far. Maybe this newfound love for the planet has woken some sort of passion inside of him, the kind of passion that could lead him to success inside the squared circle. COACH He's a man on a mission Mikey. Biff applies a gutwrench to Tim as he tries to get back up. Lifting Tim first to his feet, a quick deadlift from the former bodybuilder then takes the EMT up and over his shoulder, looking for the Greenhouse Effect (Canadian Backbreaker)! However Tim senses trouble and begins to fight it. Unable to lock his fingers, Biff loses Tim over his shoulder. And landing safely behind Biff, EMT Tim whips his leg around, catching him in the back of the head with a Backbrain Wheelkick, Owen Hart style! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Big knockdown from Tim! Both men are down and referee Robinson starts his count. It's Tim up to his feet first, drawing on the support of the crowd and clenching his fist. Biff isn't far behind him, but looks staggered as he reaches his feet. He walks around, aimlessly, turning right into a right hand from Tim! Another right! A third! Four, five, six big right hands before Tim loads Atlas up and sends him skywards with a BAAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE And this crowd in Indiannapolis getting behind EMT Tim! COACH I'm sure he'd love that. Well, from at least half the audience. Biff doesn't have much time to nurse his injuries as EMT Tim sends him for another irish whip ride. This time he extends the arm, catching Biff on the way back for his patented sleeper hold... ...but Biff turns into it, countering with a big back suplex! "OOOOHHHHHH!" COLE But just like that, the climate of this match changes. COACH That's horrible. You're horrible. Just horrible. "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" The crowd get on the case of Biff as he pulls himself up on the ropes, backing his way into one corner of the ring and encouraging his opponent to get back up. Gallantly, EMT Tim tries to do just that, holding the back of his head. As he turns around in search of his opponent, out of the corner charges Biff, head down, absolutely MOWING DOWN EMT with a huge tackle that takes the EMT clean off his feet and about three feet back where he came from. COACH GORE! GORE! The Al GOORREE!! COLE The WHAT!? After hitting the "The Al GOORREE!!", Biff scrambles on tim of Tim, hooking the leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Give Tim credit, showing a lot of heart here. COACH Again, all over a picture of a Hollywood pin-up. A male Hollywood pin-up. I guess that explains the uniform. Surprised that his tribute to the foremost authority on climate change didn't earn him the victory, Biff decides to go for broke. Scoop and a slam puts Tim in position. Turning to the crowd, Atlas signals that it's over and gives the call for the "EARTHSAULT!" COLE Well, Biff batting well below .500 when it comes to high-risk manouevers in his career. But you can't fault his persistance. Scaling the turnbuckles with his back to the ring, Biff looks through his legs to check that Tim is still there while he steadies himself. Once set, he then backflips, soaring through the air with impressive form on the Earthsault... *WHAM!* ...AND CRASHING TO THE CANVAS! NOBODY HOME! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Biff gets up holding his gut and EMT Tim dives at him, Running The Lights with the Hart Attack clothesline! Hook of the leg by Tim, signed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio on the line! 1... 2... NO! Distraught, EMT Tim checks the count before he pulls Biff back up again. COACH I'm tellin' ya, that boy ain't right. Applying a front facelock, Tim tries to set Biff up for maybe a DDT. Maybe being the key word there, as he gets rammed backwards into the turnbuckles! With the wind knocked out of him, Tim then gets backdropped by Biff, right into the centre of the ring. EMT Tim is struggling now and realising it, Atlas again signals for the end. Wisely he doesn't try any high-risk moves this time though. Instead, he lifts Tim up into a fireman's carry. COLE Uh-oh, if Biff hits this, it'll be over. Carrying Tim around for a second, Biff picks his spot before turning the EMT out in front and SPIKING him down with the INCONVENIENT TRUTH! Leg hooked, the count... 1... 2... and 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And sure enough, Biff Atlas with An Inconvenient Truth, formerly the Bad Hair Day, still a bad ride and an even worse landing! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... BIIIFFFFFFF AAAAAAAATTLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Biff's arm is raised in victory, which is momentous in and of itself. As EMT Tim is left to curse the missed opportunity of owning a piece of Hollywood memorabilia, Atlas is given back his hula skirt and the signed picture, both of which he raises as tokens of victory. COLE So Biff Atlas your winner here on HeldDOWN~! I'm not 100% sure what this open challenge was supposed to prove, but it at least proved that Biff is beginning to adapt to life as a singles competitor. COACH You were right the first time Cole. This match raises so many more questions than it gave answers. COLE In any even, we've got more on the way, stay tuned to HeldDOWN~! The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling. Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown. (voiceover) Summer is upon us... Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool. Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind. Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens. And that means, the cookouts... Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle. The apple pie... Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash. And don't forget... Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist) The American Pasttime. Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark. ...yeah, right. Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars. On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View. The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black. World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence! LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view! Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background. AXEL WE can NOT tell a lie. Commercial break

Backstage we go where Krista Isadora Duncan, has deviated from her usual televised role of a smart aleck ass kicker, to the more rewarding (emotionally, not financially) role of loving mother. Holding her hand is her lovely little daughter, Maya Duncan-Blanchard. To get a proper image of Maya, just imagine Krista minus two feet, minus some plastic surgery, and wearing an OFFICIAL D*LUX baseball jersey, OFFICAL D*LUX wrist band, and carrying the OFFICIAL D*LUX notepad made out of 100% recyclable paper. She's so conscious of the environment, Biff Atlas would be proud! While Maya is bursting with excitement over her upcoming meeting with D*LUX, Krista has concerned herself with working on her latest romance/novel, and speaks with a sultry voice into a tape recorder. KRISTA He eagerly tore away at his skimpy underthings, sighed lusciously at the glorious sight of his younger male lover's, voluptuous figure laid out for his resplendent consumption and....and...and...and then what? MAYA Felt his manhood rising to a frenzy? KRISTA Felt the throes of his delicious manhood rise towards heavenly frenzy. Yeah that's goo...wait, a minute you're about seven years old, what do you know about manhood rising towards a frenzy? No more Danielle Steele novels before bed time. MAYA But mom! KRISTA And no Purple Rain either. MAYA Awwww! Before she can get suitably whined to, Krista switches the subject towards the much anticipated meeting with D*LUX KRISTA Look, I know you wanna spend a lot of time with Shayne and Tyler, but you need to remember that we have to get back to the hotel soon, because we need to get up early, because mommy has to be back home by at least nine. I want to do a total reshoot for my new lipstick ad tomorrow. Hmmmmm. What's that gonna take? Three hundred extras, a couple of helicopters, and Stephen Baldwin? We can get that all by...I don't know, ten thirty. MAYA Mommy, you can't do that! You blew up the helicopters during the last reshoot, you're twenty thousand dollars over budget, and you fired Stephen once you found out he wasn't the Baldwin in “Along Came Polly” KRISTA (trailing off into some kind of dreamland) I love that movie. Oh, that Ben Stiller, you make such forgettable, easily digested b level comedies at a rate Owen Wilson can only dream of. MAYA Mommy, if grandmother was here she'd say “Krista, dahling dearest, you're having a major existentialist breakdown.” KRISTA Yeah, and I'd give her a major..exa...something..exoskeleton...break....yeah. MAYA Having trouble? KRISTA Quiet you. While Maya silently gloats over her verbal victory over a holder of two masters degrees, the mother and daughter approach D*LUX's locker room. KRISTA Oh wow, here we ar. And to think it only took two minutes of me exposing what a terrible parent I am to get here. Krista knocks on the door, and waits no longer then three seconds before it's opened by Tyler. TYLER Oh! Hey, Krista! How are you, come on in. Krista and Maya enter the room, which is filled with exactly what you'd think two nineteen year olds dressing room would be filled with; namely every video game system known to man. Shayne, in workout pants and white tank top, sits on the couch mashing buttons in a round of NHL 2K7 for PS3. He pauses his game, and looks up in excitement at Krista. KRISTA Hi, guys. Nice to see you're one of the few male members of the lockeroom who didn't take Mariachi's “no underwear allowed!” sign seriously. Um, anyway, this is my little girl, the most important person to me in the whole world, Maya. She's a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig fan of your's. But, unless you count action figures of yourselves being taken out on dates in our guest house, then you all haven't actually met. MAYA Mom! KRISTA Sorry, sweetie. Go ahead and say hi to D*LUX. MAYA Hi D*LUX! You guys are the best! Everyone at my school, and my old school, I had to switch because daddy drank too much from his grown up bottle and said very naughty things to the headmistress at the ballet recital, loves you! I spent a hundred dollars of Mommy's money text messaging your fan club last week! But, don't worry, Mom, I'll pay you back, I'll get the money somehow.....can I borrow a hundred dollars? SHAYNE Well, Maya, it is very awesome to finally meet you. You look just like your mom, and you're even more adorable in real life then you are in pictures. MAYA TYLER And thank you so much for coming out east to hang with us. Your mom has told us a lot about you, and as big a fan as you are of us, we are of you. MAYA Really? SHAYNE Sure! We heard you got an award from the Governor of California, The Kindergarten Cop, Ahnald. MAYA (blushing) It's nothing big! First in state in reading, I read at a twelfth grade level, writing, and literature! SHAYNE That's radical, Maya! That calls for a celebratory drink. Shayne rushes to the D*LUX liquor cabinet, which because they're good boybanders doesn't contain liquor, only Sunny Delight, Kool Aid and Coke products. SHAYNE Maya, what's your pleasure? MAYA (giggling) Tyler! KRISTA (muttering to herself) She stole my joke! She just replaced Scarlett Johansson with Tyler. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I think she's gonna grow up to be straight. MAYA I'll just take a diet coke, I wanna keep my figure a double L. TYLER Double L? MAYA A Lindsay Lohan SHAYNE Laughing also, Tyler hands Maya her diet coke. TYLER Krista, would you like something to drink? KRISTA Well, I wanna keep my figure a double...er...triple...A...uh...just get me a Cheery Coke, alright. While, Tyler digs for Krista's cheery coke, Maya launches into a little spiel. MAYA Guys, mommy says I can't hang out with boys until I'm forty five, but if I tell her I love daddy more, she'll let me do it at thirty six. But guess what? I have an even better idea! In a few weeks my summer camp is having a huge show and tell, and last year Wynter Rosenberg had the drummer from My Chemical Romance there, and because I'm her best friend, behind Kylie Daniels, but way before Zoe Vogel or the Kitzmueller twins, I gotta follow her lead! So you have to be my show and tell! Plus Terra Spelling says her grandpa Aaron, can get Luke Perry in for show and tell, and I don't know who that is, but the camp counselor get very excited, and I can't get beaten by Terra Spelling. She's an ugly dork! KRISTA Maya, you shouldn't call someone an ugly dork. MAYA You're right. If she shaved off the mustache she'd be very pretty. KRISTA Maya! MAYA It's the same thing you said about Kelly Ripa! But, Tyler, Shayne, will you come? Before Tyler and Shayne can agree to make three days of her week an utter teenybopper hell, Krista quickly interjects. KRISTA Uh, Maya, they live in Detroit, and although I'm sure there's a daily rush from every last citizen to escape from the gates of that particular h-e-double hockey stick, I can't imagine they want to fly all the way out to LA to go to your summer camp. Right? MAYA Awww, Mom! It'll be so much fun! They can stay at our house in one of the guest rooms, and they can play PS3, and order pay per views, and I've got Jessica Simpson in concert on DVD and we can watch it on the big, huge, home theater, and you can be my babysitters, even though I'm so mature that I don't really need one, and Mommy and Alix can go out and have fun. And guess what else, mommy has been teaching me how to swim, and maybe she can do the same for you! As if a free ticket out of Detroit wasn't enough, now they actually have an opportunity to hang out with a bikini clad Krista! WHOOPE! The boys have enough common sense to contain their unbridled enthusiasm, however. TYLER Uh, yeah, we can probably make it. SHAYNE Sure, we'll check our schedules make sure everything checks out alright. MAYA Awesome! Big hug! Big indeed, as an overjoyed Maya dives into the arms of America's favorite wrestling boyband. Krista just kind of pretends to be happy about the whole thing, with a soft smile and a shaking of her head. MAYA Isn't this great, Mommy? KRISTA Anyone have any rum to go with this coke? While everyone except Krista shares a sitcom-esque laugh, we fade out. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT Baby if I could...change the world BIFF ATLAS SPEAKS NEXT

When we return from break, Nas' one good song Hate Me Now plays over the loud speakers. You can hate me now (QB) But I won't stop now (Real Niggas) Cause I can't stop now (Bravehearts) You can hate me now (C'mon) But I won't stop now! You gonna hate me I'ma hate you too Cause I can't stop now (Simple as that) You can hate me now die motherfucker die motherfucker die What little reaction there is, is mostly of the negative variety, and when the Syrian and Canadian flags unfurl from beside the Angletron the hatred grows even harsher. As green spotlights spill onto the stage, the entrance doors part to reveal the most despised member of the 21 child Nerdly family, Abdullah Abir! Lean physique placed comfortably into baggy gold shorts with a brilliant tiger design on the side, Nerdly turns to his image on the Angletron and begins to bow to it's greatness. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada by way of Damascus, Syria he is the self proclaimed pride of the Nerdly family, an inspirational leader of men, a lover of women, a Syrian prince, and a Canadian hero, weighing in at one hundred eighty three pounds he is....ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY! COLE The Nerdlys who have come into the OAOAST have all been warmly received by the fans, but we can't say the same for Abdullah. Abir Nerdly doesn't do himself many favors with his attitude towards the OAOAST, its fans and it's competitors. Nerdly slides into the ring where his foe, a slender fellow, in black biker shorts to match his flowing black hair awaits. BUFFER And his opponent, fighting out of Des Moines, Iowa, weighing in at two hundred pounds, he is DAVIS DUNGEON!! The second Buffer concludes his announcement, Abdullah rips the microphone from his hands. As he arrogantly struts about the ring, the audience doesn't seem overly receptive to what he has to say. ABDULLAH نا لله وقفة قوة داخل واواست! لي المديح لانه ليس هناك احد افضل ، سأقوم بضرب ديستوري بلادي بلادي الاعداء اعد اء وإحلال السلام في الا رض. ثوس الذين يموت يموت! أنا بطل المصارعه العالمي نختلف ستفنى اسفل بلدي قد سحق ليس هناك امل نايوني. يجب على الجميع ان يموتوا جميعا ان يموت الجميع ان يموت! يمو Abdullah Abir Nerdly, Anglemania Twenty Maineventer! COLE Anglemania twenty? COACH Foresight, and long term planning is key to ensuring a healthy, bountiful financial future. Abdullah simply espouses the virtues extolled by all men of high intellect! COLE Well, anyway. Davis Dungeon is a prime prospect in our OAOVW developmental promotion. I know Tony Brannigan has given him rave reviews, let's see how he handles the pressure in the big show. COACH What kind of dumbass name is Davis Dungeon? Who let this man on TV with that kind of name? Abdullah Abir Nerdly, and Johnathan Coachman, those are the kinds of names that break the hearts of the bitches, and crush the spirits of men. The bell signifies the start of this filler match...wait....not filler match..I mean...naw, fuk it i meant filler match. Davis Dungeon fires off a pair of right hands to begin the contest, but Abby blocks the third strike and takes control with a knife edge chop. He grabs onto his foe's arm and whips him into the ropes. Dungeon bounces back with a lariat aimed at his rival's head, but Nerdly counters the attack with an arm drag. The failure doesn't deter Dungeon, however, he comes right up with a knee strike. With Abdullah doubled over, DD traps him with a front facelock. But he gets no farther then that before Nerdly breaks the hold with a series of punches to the stomach. After taking a moment to collect his breath, Abdullah strikes his foe down with flipping dropkick! COACH I wonder how Abdullah feels about Melody's Gunslingers failing to capture the HI-YAH tag titles? COLE Something tells me Abdullah isn't even aware she's managing The Gunslingers. Nerdly grabs Dungeon by the arm then slings him into the corner posts. As Davis' back crashes against the turnbuckles the Syrian prince follows him in with a body splash. But Dungeon delays the lethal strike by raising his foot into Nerdly's bearded face. The Arabic superstar staggers backwards, permitting Dungeon to scramble to the second rope. He flies off his nest with an axe handle smash, but gets met with an elbow into the gut for his troubles. He totters back and forth, under an unbelievable amount of nausea. The ill feelings only get worse, when Nerdly throws him to the cables. As he rebounds off the ropes, his attacker boosts him into the air with a press slam type throw. As the helpless Dungeon descends, AAN grabs his head with a double-handed grip and falls with him, driving his face into the mat! “Praise be to Abdullah!” Nerdly bellows, getting a smattering of jeers in response. Ignoring the poor reception, the Canadian attempts a pin... ONE TWO But Dungeon kicks out, and immediately rises to his feet. He unleashes a bevy of chops into the scrawny chest of his foe. However, Nerdly quickly shuts that sequence down with rake of the eyes. Nerdly then grabs his foe and lifts him over his shoulder so that he is facing upward. He then wraps his arms around the victim's torso and holds him there, targeting a hellish pressure onto the man's back. Dungeon screams out in agony, the pain growing worse when he eyes his foe smiling sadistically on the video screen. COLE Could Nerdly be on the way to his second victory? Not if Dungeon has anything to say about it! The youngster uses his own raw power to peel off Nerdly's side and upend the arrogant grappler with an arm drag. Enraged by the defeat Nerdly rises upright to dish out vengeance, but instead gets dumped to the mat by a back elbow. COLE Davis Dungeon, the youngster from OAOVW, really working to earn himself a spot on the main roster! Excited over the prospects of a victory, Dungeon begins to scrape Abdullah off the mat. But those prospects seem to fade away when The Canadian strikes him with a vile low blow! “BOOOOO!” Dungeon hobbles about the mat, crippled with the anguish of the cheap shot. His afflicted state brings a toothy smile to the face of Nerdly, who's speedy to move in for the kill. He coils his hands around his rival's neck for the making of a sleeper hold. But as quick as he was to apply it, so is Dungeon to escape it, elbowing his out the hold. Free of Nerdlly's clutches he turns to blast the man with a discus punch. Yet, AAN cuts short this effort with a roll up pin attempt! ONE TWO Once again the youthful grappler kicks out. He hops upright, then carries himself to ropes. Upon rebounding he emits a mighty roar before flying towards his enemy with a graceful cross body block. Dungeon crashes into AAN with a tremendous thud, and the warriors sink to the canvas in a pinfall! ONE TWO A kickout by Nerdly. Though Dungeon silently swears that was a three count, he keeps himself together, and heads upright. He churlishly demands that the Edmonton native do the same. Nerdlly follows these orders, but not before striking his foe with a second low blow. Abs watches the Iowa native's face twist and contort with pain, and can't help but chuckle over his misfortune. Once he gets over the comedy of it all, Nerdly swats DD down with a short arm lariat! COACH Cole, we're seeing the main difference between the major leagues and the minor leagues. You can be a big player down in OAOVW, but that don't mean jack once you come up here with the big boys! “Camel clutch!” Nerdly yells in triumph, once again getting a less then favorable response from the fans. With his rival flatted to his chest, a smirking Andullah situates himself on the small of his back, and screams “Praise be to Abdullah!” once more before he pulls the victim's arms up onto his red pleather shorts. He then applies a chinlock, heaping a generous amount of pressure onto the youngster's neck and back. Dungeon can stomach the pain no longer then five seconds, before he screams his submission. BUFFER The winner of the match, Abdullah Abir Nerdly! COLE And it is all over! Abdullah Abir Nerdly with a quick and easy victory! Tell that to Abdullah who reacts as though he just hit a walkoff grand slam in game seven of the world series, running around the ring, pumping his fist into the air, and hooting and hollering. COLE Give me a break! COACH That's no way to treat the Anglemania twenty maineventer! Who do you think his opponent will be? Jenna Malibu? Maya Duncan-Blanchard? Wes Singleton? COLE Good grief, he's preparing to fight a fatal fourway against a baby, and two second graders. Let's move on. Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN after this. COMMERCIAL BREAK

woah i actually managed to write the match and edit it in. shock!

lol the show is 80 days away u pusses

heheh. I have about a million and one research papers to turn in, and a few tests to take, so you won't see my match until Tuesday or Wednesday at the earliest, or possibly never at the latest.

The view is switched to Anglesault sitting behind his desk in his make shift office in the locker room. ANGLESAULT Ladies and gentlemen, first and foremost let me thank you for joining us for The Great Angle Bash. We understand that your time and your dollar is very important to you, and we appreciate you spending both of them on us. Also, allow me to thank all of you for making 2007 such a wonderful year. We've seen fantastic matches from veterans and rookies alike, we've sold out the Skydome, we've returned prestige to our world title and I know that the year is only going to get better. Now, I don't want to waste any more of your time with my rambling, I want to get back to all our great action just as quickly as you do. So I'll try to make my announcement as quick and concise as possible. For many years the OAOAST has maintained a working relationship with the Japanese promotion HI-YAH. You've seen HI-YAH titles defended on OAOAST television and on OAOAST pay views for quite some time. You've watched HI-YAH superstars wow you with their feats of amazing strength. During our adolescence this was an advantageous relationship. But as we've ascended into adulthood, and our goals have expanded into solidifying our position as the dominant international brand in sports entertainment, it's become readily apparent that such an arrangement is determent to our health. Thus it is with great sorrow that I announce that we are terminating our relationship with HI-YAH. But it is with great joy that I announce that the OAOAST has [b]purchased[/b] the HI-YAH promotion. With this acquisition, there is no question in anybody's mind that the OAOAST is the premier body for sports entertainment programming. Anglesault smiles. ANGLESAULT I won't bore you with the business details, or the bragging over global expansion, I'll leave that to the press releases. What you all want to know is how is this going to affect OAOAST in ring action. While there are still details to be worked out on several levels, I can promise you this, that within the next month you will witness an earthshaking event in the tag division. The HI-YAH tag team champions will battle the OAOAST Tag Champions, and only one team will emerge with championship gold. That newly merged belt will be named the One and Only World Tag Team Title. The OAOAST has long prided itself on it's strong tag division, and with this title merger the division will only get stronger and more prestigious. Once again thank you for joining us this evening, enjoy the rest of the show.

dudes, i have knowledgeably inserted cross' match into the show.

i knowledgeably left a space for jacob cross' match

I'm depending on Alf to tell us the name of the arena! elijah dukes still ridin, still gully: "there's another more outrageous story going around about how one young Devil Ray peeked his head into the Twins' family room at the Metrodome after a recent victory at Minnesota and shouted into a room full of kids. "We just kicked your daddies' [ass]."