Patty O'Green

random baseball musings Milton Bradley straight DESIGNATED FOR ASSIGNMENT billybeane u a coldhearted whiteboy on dat straight up real shit

PRESENTED IN HD The club thumping hit Party Like A Rockstar blares into living rooms worldwide, accompanied by the hyper flashy intro video. Character specific locales and close ups burn onto the screen, highlighting the major players in our melodrama. After the video concludes and the song comes to an end the logo is shown... FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, The Gund Arena and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Ignoring the plethora of screaming audience members, the view goes directly towards the "legendary" announce team of Mikey Cole and Da Coach! COACH TV Land, welcome to Cleveland, home of the NBA eastern conference champs, and for one night only HeldDOWN! Da Coach, living large with Mister C, Michael Cole. Cole? COLE Coach, we're only days away from our midsummer spectacular, The Great Angle Bash. And what a show it should be , tickets have been sold out since January, but all our fans are invited to join us on Pay Per View. Never mind that, because tonight's show is on fire! Brains and Brawn will match up against Jacob Cross and Colombian Heat, D*LUX will battle The Enterprise, Zack Malibu is in action in our mainevent, and we'll also hear from Leon Rodez, as well as The Lonestar Gunslingers... COACH And Melody Nerdly's enormous breasts. COLE Coach, please. Folks, last week here on HeldDOWN~!, it was a chaotic end to the broadcast. The main-event saw Chicks Over Dicks defending and retaining their OAOAST Tag Team Titles against the special challengers Los Infernales in a great match. But all hell broke loose at the end, with all sorts of schenanigans with referees and portable cameras. Things didn't get much better after the match either as The Enterprise ambushed en mass COD. Luckily, D*LUX and Leon Rodez were there to make the save. But that wasn't the real story as we went off the air... COLE It was an abrupt end to the show and we promised you updates on Jade's condition on OAOAST.com. And those of you who logged on will have seen that thankfully, Jade did not suffer any significant physical damage. COACH But plenty of mental damage! Let's not downplay this now. COLE Well, it's plain to see there's plenty of issues within the Rodez family, more and more by the week thanks to The Enterprise's continued involvement in their lives. The point I'm building up to here though is that amongst the updates on OAOAST.com, we were sent exclusive footage after the show went off the air last week. Now, it was sent to the front office under the guise of a 'Fancam' video that someone in the arena had taken. However, it's pretty obvious just who's 'Cam' was infact responsible for shooting this footage we're about to show you. Back to Sofa Central we go, Michael Cole shaking his head as Coach sits next to him with a goofy grin on his face. COLE What a deplorable human-being, Ned Blanchard is. Not to mention Simon Singleton with that 'Siclopse', voyeurism at it's worst. COACH Hey, sometimes guys just like looking, that's all. COLE I... I don't even know how to respond to that. Needless to say, I don't think that video is going to do anything to fan the flames on this issue with The Enterprise and Jade's former confidantes. And somehow, I get the feeling that was the exact intention. That and the fact 'guys just like looking' I guess. Good Lord. More HeldDOWN~! coming up, I think I need a shower. Hopefully there aren't any cameras hoping to get a look at that. COACH On behalf of the entire world's population, I guarantee it. COMING UP NEXT Brains And Brawn Vs Colombian Heat and Jacob Cross NEXT COLE Up next we have a tag team match between four men who have some serious problems as of late. COACH And two men who haven't teamed together in quite awhile. COLE Yes this match is the first time in awhile that Brains and Brawn have teamed up. COACH And that does not bode well for the team of Cross and Colombian Heat as they have never teamed together. COLE Of course as we found out last week Jacob Cross will be taking on Vitamin X in a NO DQ match at the Great Angle Bash. COACH If they don't tear each other apart tonight. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull begins to play over the loud speakers. As the piano intro begins the fans begin to buzz. “COME ON!” Pyro explodes and Colombian Heat walks onto the stage to a chorus of cheers from the crowd. COLE The fans are solidly behind Colombian Heat tonight as I'm sure they will be behind Jacob Cross. COACH I can't figure out why? There's nothing endearing about Cross. Gasolina fades out and is replaced by “Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica and the fans cheer again. Jacob Cross walks out through the sliding doors and looks around the arena with a very stern look on his face. He shakes hands with Colombian Heat without breaking his gaze around the crowd. He seems preoccupied by his thoughts more than he is paying attention to Heat. The two men then make their way to the ring, Heat slapping hands with the fans, and Cross focused on the ring. As they enter the ring Heat throws up the West Side sign to the delight of the fans as Jacob simply removes his hat and necklace and focuses on the entrance way. BUFFER Introducing first, at a combined weight of 405 pounds, the team of COLOMBIAN HEAT...AND....JACOB CROSS!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!! KA-CHING!! “COME AND TAKE YOUR VITAMIN X!!” BOOOOOOOOO!!!! The music dies down and is replaced by "Rhymin' & Stealin'" by Beastie Boys. COLE It's been awhile since we heard this music. COACH Yeah but the fans recognize it. The Lightning Crew Mobile enters the arena driven by Cuban Wall with Princess Stacey dancing on the hood. Both men bob their heads to the beat of the music. Some of the men in the crowd cheer for Stacey, but the boos for Brains and Brawn drown it out. COACH Whoo hoo I know who I'm going for in this match! COLE Focus Coach. The car is parked by the stage and Stacey leads both men to the ring. Wall shadow boxes while Vitamin X jaws with the fans a bit. When they reach the ring both men enter and Wall continues to box while Vitamin X poses on the turnbuckles with his arms in a X formation. BOOOOOOO!!!!! BUFFER Introducing next at a combined weight of 533 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Princess Stacey, VITAMIN X....CUBAN WALL....THE TEAM OF BRAINS AND BRAWN!!!!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!! Cross and Heat stand across the ring from their opponents. Heat waves the two men to come on while Cross stares a hole through Vitamin X. Wall decides to start the match while on the other side Jacob starts off. *DING DING DING* The two men circle each other and lock up. Cross wastes no time in going for an arm wringer, which he pulls right into a Short Arm Clothesline, but Wall stumbles back a few steps and remains on his feet. The two men lock up again and this time Wall shoves Cross to the ground. Cross is up quickly and catches Wall with a hard chop, followed by another and another until Wall is backed against the ropes. He then whips Wall across and nails him with a Flying Shoulder Block that knocks him over. Cross then goes for a cover. 1 No!!! Cross grabs Wall's arm as he stands and pulls him towards his corner before tagging in Colombian Heat. Heat slingshots himself in and drops an elbow across the arm that Cross holds onto. As Cross leaves Heat locks in an arm wringer and then nails an Arm Drag on Wall. As Wall gets up Heat goes for a Hurricanrana, but Wall quickly turns it into a Powerbomb! COLE Wow! Wall just planted Colombian Heat. This could be over! COACH Good now we can go party with Stacey! 1 2 No!!! Cross breaks up the count! COACH Dammit!! Wall pulls Heat to his feet and goes to whip him into the corner, but Heat reverses and sends Wall hard into the corner. Without missing a beat he runs in and nails a High Dropkick to the face of Cuban Wall, which stuns him. Heat then uses the opening to tag back out to Jacob. COLE That was the opening Heat needed to get a breather. COACH Who needs a breather this early? Get back in there! Cross comes in and immediately peppers Wall with punches to the gut and head, but Wall blocks a few and nails Jacob with his own punches. He punches Cross into a corner and goes for a quick Avalanche, but Cross moves. COLE Wall misses with a huge Avalanche and I think it knocked the wind out of him! COACH What was he thinking? Wall stumbles back as Cross bounces off the ropes and nails Wall with a clothesline. Wall is knocked to the mat as Cross goes for a cover. 1 2 No!!! COLE Wall powers his way out of that pin! COACH I knew he wasn't finished yet! Cross waits for Wall to stand and readies himself to attack. As Wall reaches his feet Cross rushes in for a STO, but Wall plants a knee to Jacob's gut, causing him to double over in pain. Then, after nailing Cross in the back of the head with forearms, Wall nails a Chokeslam and goes for a cover. COLE Wall planted Cross with that move! 1 2 No!! COACH Man I thought that was it! I'm ready to party so let's get this over with! COLE Coach you have a job to do now focus! Wall walks over to his corner and tags in Vitamin X, who comes in full of energy. He bounces around the prone Jacob Cross and nails him with rights and lefts as he tries to stand. After each punch he does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, much to the chagrin of the crowd. BOOOOOOOOO Finally Vitamin X knocks him back down with one last punch and goes for a cover. 1 2 No!! COLE He needs to do more than that to win! COACH He's just getting warmed up! He then waits for Jacob to stand and goes for a Float Over DDT, but Jacob grabs him in mid stream and throws him off. Vitamin lands on his feet, but Jacob meets him with a hard Lariat that nearly decapitates Vitamin X! COLE Oh wow what a lariat!! COACH Uh oh....tag back out!! Vitamin is back up in a few seconds so Cross gets under him and lifts him up onto his shoulder before dropping him throat first across the top rope for a Hot Shot. He then makes a cover. COLE A hot shot and a cover!! 1 2 No!!! COACH See...Cross will have to do more than that to win as well. COLE You're so observant. Jacob tags back out to Colombian Heat who climbs to the top rope and waits for Vitamin to stand. The crowd buzzes as Heat prepares to pounce on his rival. COLE Could this be “Straight from da Street”? Heat comes off the top with Straight from da Street (Sky Twister Press), but Vitamin catches him and both men fall to the mat. Vitamin rolls through the move and comes out on top for a pinning predicament. 1 2 No!! COLE What a great reversal by Vitamin X! COACH Well what do you expect!? Both men are up at the same time and decide to lock up. They fight for control all around the ring and into the corner with Heat gaining the advantage. He then whips Vitamin hard across the ring and the second he hits Heat comes in with a Running Clothesline. Vitamin is stunned for a second before falling into the sitting position in the corner. Heat looks around the crowd with a wild look and the fans know what he wants to do. Heat runs into the corner for a Broncobuster, but Vitamin gets a boot up...right into Heat's crotch! COLE Oh come on!!! COACH It was an accident he was aiming for the gut!! The ref yells at Vitamin for the low blow, but Vitamin makes the same argument as Coach did. Heat rolls around in pain as Vitamin tags back out to Cuban Wall. Wall comes in and pulls Heat up by the arm and right into a double choke! COLE This could be the end! Wall looks to slam him, but Heat begins punching away at his head until he lets go. Heat then dives for a tag, but Wall grabs him by the leg, causing Heat to land face first on the mat! COACH Ooooh that will be an improvement to his face! Wall pulls him by the leg right into his own corner and begins stomping a mudhole in him. Wall then tags back out to Vitamin who climbs to the top rope. Vitamin makes the X sign with his arms and goes for the Leap of Faith....but Heat moves at the last second!! COLE Vitamin X hit nothing but mat!! COACH Damn he could have busted his elbow all up doing that! Heat frantically crawls for his corner, but Wall is in quickly to drag him back. The ref admonishes Wall for entering illegally so he heads back out to the apron. Vitamin is back up and meets a standing Heat with fast kicks to the ribs. Heat tries to cover up, but the kicks are too much and Vitamin gains control. He whips him across the ring and goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks, puts on the brakes, and then nails Vitamin with a Pele Kick out of nowhere!!! COLE Pele Kick to the skull!!! COACH Come on Wall do something! Heat crawls for his corner and lunges just as Wall comes in to grab him. Heat makes the tag and Jacob comes in fists blazing. Jacob nails Wall with a flurry and then the wind up before nailing One for the Road. Wall stumbles back into the ropes and Cross grabs him by the arm for a whip. Cross whips him to the other side and as he bounces back Cross hooks him under the arms for a Sidewalk Slam (Bossman Style). COLE Shades of the Big Boss Man, rest his soul! 1 2 3!! No!!! Vitamin X kicks out!! COLE That was so close!! Sensing danger Princess Stacey climbs to the apron and calls out to Jacob. Cross stands and walks over to her where she begins to sweet talk him. COACH What!? COLE Don't be so naive Coach, you know what she's doing! The ref walks over to warn Stacey about interfering, and while he does Wall drops the floor and grabs the ring bell. He then slides it into the ring where Vitamin grabs it and hides it behind his back. Heat drops down from the apron and runs around to the side of the ring where Stacey is, but Wall meets him there with a vicious Shoulder Block as he comes around the corner. COLE No no what are they doing!? COACH Okay now who is naive!? Vitamin calls out to Cross, who turns quickly. As he turns Stacey grabs the ref and plants a big kiss on him. This gives Vitamin time enough to nail Cross in the head with the ring bell and toss it. COLE Oh dammit!!! Vitamin pulls a groggy Cross back to his feet and sets him up for the X-Clamation Point and nails it!! BOOOOOOOOO He then climbs to the top rope and looks around the crowd. COLE We know what comes next. COACH Yes we do!! Vitamin comes off with the Leap of Faith and nails it before making a cover. 1 2 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE Well I hope they're happy!! COACH I don't know if they are, but that ref is!! What a kiss!! Vitamin slides out of the ring and joins Wall and Stacey to celebrate. Heat lies on the ground looking pissed as Vitamin and Cuban Wall gloat over the fallen men in and out of the ring. COLE This is a bad sign heading into the Great Angle Bash. COACH I'd say it was a great sign. Now where is Stacey heading to? COLE Stay put Coach. (Cut to commercial)

The ActionZone is our next destination and who should be in but the only person who is ever in it, HeldDOWN's teen queen, Maggie Nerdly! Maggie is decked in her trademark black A&F polo, and ruffled gothic mini skirt, as she sits across the granite coated announce desk. MAGGIE What's up, everybody? Your's truly, Maggie Nerdly, it girl on the scene, keeping it hip-hop here in the OAOAST ActionZone. Big, big, big, week here in the OAOAST. If ya planning on going out, hitting the clubs, buying some dranks, riding the whip, my advice is don't do that. Sit in front of your T-Vision and keep it locked on OAOAST TV, because this Sunday from DC, we've got another edition of the Great Angle Bash! The logo appears on screen. MAGGIE No joke, this could be the biggest show of the summer. This is the show that sports entertainment fans all over this big blue rock have been waiting for. If you miss this one, you lost. That's all I can really say. You're taking a major L if you don't see this show. From top to bottom, this card is mad loaded with star power. We've got Zack, Leon, Alix, Krista, Landon, Moneymaker, ThunderKid and best of all my big sister, Melody, coming at you live from the chocolate city, Washington DC. If you still don't believe it, if you're still not setting aside that fifty dollars, then how about we let a little Colombian Heat get at you? The camera cuts to Colombian Heat standing in front of a blue screen. Inserted onto the blue screen is the words COLOMBIAN HEAT written in grafitti style font on a chainlink fence. A boombox is at the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Heat is in his wrestling attire. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hey yo, dis Sunday I'ma get anotha shot at gettin' some goal here in tha OAOAST. I'ma get things poppin' when I step into tha ring wit tha big mang, Cuban Wall. But yo, I ain't afraid of dis goof. Yeah, I got mah ass whopped last week. I ain't gonna front. I didn't do good. But in life, it's not how many times youse fall, it's how many times youse get up. And dawgs, I'ma up, and I'ma ready to kick some Cuban ass! I ain't gonna cower, and I ain't gonna bow down to him cuz my momma always told me dat tha only person youse is supposed to bow down to is tha almighty Father. And Lord willin', dis Sunday night at The Great Angle Bash, your boi Colombian Heat is gonna steamroll into Washington D.C., kick some ass, dance a little like you know I do, and then beat dat scrub 1-2-3 to become tha NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion! And afterwards, tha OAOAST will bear witness to tha most poppin', most illingnest, most dope, most fresh, most unbeliveably CHILL 24/7 Title reign EVER! Oh yeah, we is gonna get CRUNK in D.C. dis Sunday, betta belee dat boi! A'ight peace I'm outtie 5,000. I'll see you later. One. Colombian Heat throws up the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal as the promo ends. MAGGIE What more do ya'll even need to hear? Get your finger on the remote, press that Ok button and order this pay per view, because it is going to be awesome! If it's not I'll give you a million dollars. Not really, I don't have a million dollars. Or any dollars, really, I'm an unpaid college intern. Did ya'll know that jerkface advisor of mine only gave me three credits for this, but four for biology class? Driving a rental car for three hours with two convicted felons in the South Central Militia, and a rape fetishist in The Sadist is much harder then dissecting Kermit the frog for fifty minutes. Yo, peep this, ya'll. My sister Molly got fifteen credit hours for filming a homeless man massaging himself with a skunk. I'm an international television personality and I ain't even getting four hours! That is stupid wack! While Maggie laments the higher education system we cut to.... COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT OAOAST POSTER BOY VS FBI MOST WANTED POSTER BOY Zack Malibu Vs Vinny Santana NEXT COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! fans! Michael Cole alongside the Coach, and a...special guest joins us at this time, none other than the challenger to Zack Malibu and the World Heavyweight Title this Sunday, Mr. Landon Maddix. MADDIX That's right, Landon Maddix is here, and what you two need to do is sit back and relax and watch the story unfold before your very eyes...the story of how the biggest fraud and phony in OAOAST history can't live up to his word, can't live up to being a fighting champion, because he got a little boo-boo. COLE I assume the "little boo-boo" you're referring to is the injured ribs, suffered at the hands of your paid hitmen, the South Central Millitia last week. MADDIX Paid hitmen!? Listen Cole, as much as you want to think that Zack Malibu is the end all and be all of the wrestling world, that he's some sort of superhero come to life, the fact is the man has more enemies than he thinks. The SCM are just two names on a long list, and that's why they did what they did, and that's why Vincent Santana is gonna school him tonight and then leave him to me on Sunday. COLE And you're hoping that he's served to you on a silver platter, and that you can take the OAOAST World Championship in a cakewalk, don't you? MADDIX Does it really matter, Cole? A win is a win, a title is a title. Zack Malibu can show up 100%, 50%, or not at all, and I could still guarantee that I've gotten enough God-given talent to "school him"...see what I did there?...and walk away the OAOAST World Champion. "Cross That Line" begins playing after Landon's proclamation, and the fans turn their attention to the entraceway, where the OAOAST's resident South Central gangbangers head down the aisle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is set for one fall! Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by Marcellus Wells, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds, this is VINCENT SAAAAAANNNNNTANAAAAAA! The Millitia strut around ringside, taunting and attempting to scare ringside fans, kids included. The boys from LA stop by Sofa Central as well and make nice with Landon Maddix, doing no favors to show that they aren't in cahoots at all. MADDIX What's up fellas! Vincent, take him out tonight, baby! It's your night tonight! Santana gives daps to Maddix and hops up on the apron, entering the ring and taunting the crowd while his partner does the same from ringside. Fans aren't happy with the SCM, but when Papa Roach's "Getting Away With Murder" hits, that changes things. COACH Da champ is HERE! MADDIX Coach, phone call for you, it's 2004 telling you to shut up already. Getting a hero's welcome, Malibu appears at the top of the stage, with an addition to his wrestling gear: taped ribs, obviously the result of the assault last week. MADDIX What is this, Halloween in July? I didn't think preps went for the mummy look! BUFFER His opponent, is the current reigning and defeneding OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion...from Providence, RI, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds, he is ZAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAALLIBUUUUUUUUU! Malibu, always one to act on impuse, charges the ring out of rage and fury, but it proves to be a mistake, as Santana pounces, jumping on the champ as soon as he slides into the ring! COLE Santana is wasting no time in going after Zack, more specifically those damaged ribs of his! The World Title falls to the mat as Zack is caught off guard by his rival, who delivers some shots across the back before pushing Zack into the corner and following up with repeated shoulderblocks! The tape around his ribs only offer so much protection, and Malibu agonizes loudly as Santana drives his shoulder into the ribcage of the champ! Santana pulls Zack out of the corner and sends him across the ring, but Malibu counters and sends Santana to the corner! Vincent goes with the move, but stops before he crashes into the turnbuckles, leaping onto the top rope and then over a charging Malibu, culminating in Zack being shoved ribs first into the corner! MADDIX That's how you win matches! Find a weakness and exploit it to its fullest. That's what I'm gonna do to your pride and joy this Sunday, Cole! COACH Yeah, we'll see about that, playa! MADDIX You say something, date rapist? COACH ... Back in the ring, Santana rams his knee into the small of Zack's back as he's trapped in the corner, then drops him with a back suplex. Santana steps out onto the apron and turns and points to Maddix, who cheers him on from the broadcast booth as he slingshots in with a senton, dropping his body weight onto Zack Malibu! MADDIX (clapping) Thatta boy, Vincent! Keep it up and you'll get the first World Title shot under my reign! COLE You haven't won ANYTHING yet, Maddix! Sit down! MADDIX Tell me, Michael Cole, how is it living in denial? How's the weather there? Malibu curls up into a ball, his knees tucked in to his chest as to protect his ribs, but Vincent drags him to center ring by a leg, then plants a boot in his stomach before circling Malibu and taunting him to get up. The taunts ire the crowd, and they respond by booing the Millitia member loudly. Marcellus storms around ringside, telling the people to shut their "suburban cornbread pieholes" up! MADDIX You tell 'em, One Eye! COACH Tell 'em what? Even I don't know what that meant! Santana reaches down and yanks Zack up, but when he does, Malibu knocks his arm away, and unleashes a flurry of punches and chops to rebound from his beating! The crowd eats it up with a spoon and asks for seconds as Zack sends Santana in, then elevates him high up above with a back bodydrop before gravity sends him back to Earth, crashing to the canvas! Zack leans on the ropes, favoring the ribs still, but when Santana gets up, Zack bursts forward and nails a running lariat that spins Santana around in the air before he falls back to the mat! COLE Malibu is fired up! MADDIX Ooooh, real scary, an angry white boy. Eminem does it better AND has street cred! COLE You've been hanging with the Millita WAAAAY too much, Landon. Zack picks Vincent up, nailing two chops to the chest after the fact, then traps Santana in a front facelock. Zack lifts for a suplex, but Santana kicks his legs and is able to shift so that he fall behind Zack, and nails forearms to the small of Zack's back, then pushes him forward to the ropes and nails a roundhouse kick to the small of the back when Zack bounces backwards! Zack falls to one knee, and Santanta quickly applies a rear chinlock, telling the crowd "he ain't nothin'", and following up with a hard slap across the top of Malibu's head! Santana brings Zack up and then drives a knee up into the ribs, then gutwrenches him up into a powerbomb...NO! Zack counters with a rana that takes Santana over! With his foe stunned, Zack hits the ropes...but when he does, Wells grabs his ankle, tripping him up before pulling him to the outside! COLE Come on now, they jump the guy last week, and now it's a two on one! MADDIX What do you mean? Marcellus was just checking the bottom rope to make sure it was tight...Malibu's just clumsy, he fell on his own! COLE And he pulled himself to the floor? MADDIX Oh stop trying to make something out of nothing, Michael Cole. Marcellus is just making sure Zack was OK! Referee Jack Doan moves towards the ropes to admonish Marcellus, but Santana feigns injury, doing his part in distracting the referee so that his partner can work over the champion! Marcellus puts the boots to Zack, while Landon cackles gleefully on commentary, and then rolls him back in for his partner to go for the cover, reaping the benefits of having his teammate at ringside. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Atta boy, Zacky! Never surrender! MADDIX You cliche' swinging bucket of suck...do you add ANYTHING to this announce team? I should be out here every week, since it's obvious you need someone of my stature to carry you. Santana picks Zack up, then grabs him for The Throwdown...but Zack fires an elbow into the side of his head to break, then swings around him and grabs a rear waistlock, pulling Santana up and over with a release German suplex! COLE Notice how he didn't hold on as he normally would! Zack is hitting hard and hitting fast, making sure he doesn't exert himself any more than he has to with those injured ribs! Santana crawls towards the corner, pulling himself to his feet, but when he turns around he's met with a running corner clothesline from Malibu, who then backs away, favoring the ribs. Zack sucks it up, then charges in again, nailing a diving corner splash that crushes the SCM member against the buckles, then snapmares him out of the corner! Zack then hits the ropes and nails a running soccer kick that connects, and hits the ropes immediately after, coming off with a kneedrop that finds its mark on the temple of Vincent Santana! MADDIX C'mon Vincent, get up! Get up! Zack motions for Vincent to do the same, but it's because Malibu has him in his sights, and is planning on letting him know that SCHOOL'S OUT~! Marcellus notices this and hops up on the apron, now looking to be the distraction...but Malibu simply turns and nails HIM with the superkick, sending him falling off the apron to the floor! COLE School's Out on Marcellus Wells! Zack Malibu's taking it to the South Central Millitia tonight! MADDIX God damn...GET UP, both of you, GET UP! Marcellus is out cold, so he can't hear the encouragement of the number one contender, and is not going to be the deciding factor in the contest tonight! Malibu turns around and nearly eats another boot to his weakened ribs, but catches Santana's foot! Thinking fast, Vincent tries to follow up with an enzugiri, but Malibu drops his head, forcing Vincent to eat canvas! As he staggers up holding his jaw, Malibu moves in for the kill, scooping him up before dropping him on his head and neck with the ANGLE SLAM~! COLE ANGLE SLAM! That's gotta do it! Malibu cradles a leg and stares out at Landon Maddix, who sits fuming as Doan does his job and makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, ZAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUUU! The fans are happy, but Landon Maddix is not, as he tears the headset off and throws it down. Jack Doan hands Zack his prized championship as he comes to his feet, leaving Zack to pose for his supporters. COLE A hard fought victory, and justice was served after what went down last week with...hey, wha...what are you doing?! Maddix, already angered, dumps Michael Cole out of his seat and folds the chair up, sliding into the ring! Unbeknowst to Zack, Landon readies the chair in his hands, and when the World Champion turns around... COACH Look out, Zacky! WHAM~! The steel chair is brought down over his head, laying him out cold! COLE That dirty son of a... The fans shower Landon with boos as he takes the chair and holds it vertically, and being relentlessly driving the edge of it into Zack's ribs, one shot after another! COACH He's gonna turn his ribs to dust if he keeps that up! We gotta get some help out here! Zack, who is now coughing up blood, can't muster a comeback, especially when Landon takes the chair and drives the edge of it into his throat, causing Zack to begin to choke on his own blood! COLE Someone get this sick son of a bitch out of here! He's gone too far tonight! The crowd roars as the locker room empties out, and Landon, even with a steel chair, knows enough not to bother. Throwing the chair down, Landon bails out of the ring smiling, with the damage done and the message sent. COLE They'll meet this Sunday at the Great Angle Bash for the World Heavyweight Title, but Landon Maddix, looking to soften up the World Champion, has struck again! Fans, we will see you from Washington DC! Wrestlers and officials tend to the World Champion, who coughs up more blood as he's helped to his feet. Holding his ribs, Malibu is aided to the locker room by his peers, while his arch rival gets away scott free... ...for another few days, at least. GOODNIGHT, MY BUTTERFLIES

Cleveland, Ohio last show b4 GAB. topic description=truth

LOL NO SPONSORS 2NIGHT. WE BROKE MA NIGS. Fear and Loathing by The Black Velvets hits, and as I've never heard the song, and can't find it for download anywhere, I have nothing to say about it's musical properties. Where your narrator is speechless, the crowd is on full volume, polluting the air with hatred for the incoming Enterprise. CPA is first out, his massive body cloaked in a blue and white pinstriped suit, with a cigar hanging out his mouth. Standing beside him, Siclopse and tripod in tow, is the video voyuer, Simon Singleton, outiftted in his usual white trunks. Today he's not joined by Ned Blanchard like always. No, today, he is joined by the smirking, contemptuous, briefcase toting, Brooks Brothers attired, Christian Wright. Standing behind them is frostbitten young lady, Jade Rodez, her black track suit matching her ill mood perfectly. COACH How honorable, how courageous of Jade Rodez to show her face in an OAOAST arena after what her brother did to her. How Leon can look his parents, his grandmother, and his cousins in the eye after what he did to his own sister is beyond me? COLE You know damn well that was an accident. COACH Accident? No. Leon Rodez is a monster, and he always excuses his bad moments with a Manny Ramierz-esque “It's just Leon being Leon”. He's sick, he's perverted, and he's violent. I look forward to watching Moneymaker and Ned Blanchard destroy him this Sunday. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes. Now making their way to the ring being accompanied by CPA and Jade Rodez, introducing first, from Beverly Hills, California by way of Charleston, South Carolina, he is one third of the OAOAST six man tag team champions, he is the video voyeur, SIMON SINGLETON! And his partner, weighing in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, from Washington DC, he is The Natural, CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! COLE Wright a former HI-YAH world champion which leads me to inform you that at the Great Angle Bash, Anglesault will have a very important announcement regarding the future of the HI-YAH and OAOAST relationship. The internet has been abuzz with rumors, and hopefully they'll be cleared up by Sunday. CPA and Jade take up their position outside the ring. For his part, Simon delicately sets up his tripod, keeping it near his corner should he need to employ it as a weapon. Wright disrobes himself of his high priced camel fur blazer, and frowns churlishly towards the booing the audience. I still don’t have the reason And you don’t have the time And it really makes me wonder If I ever gave a fuck about you Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye The unexpected appearance of the Top 40 hit Makes Me Wonder, stuns the crowd and they murmur in pure confusion. However their shock quickly gives way to outright joy, when the boys from D*LUX emerge onto the scene! Bursting with energy, the cuties from Michigan whip their fanbase into a frenzy by leaping into the sky and tossing their fists through the air. COLE It's been awhile since we've seen D*LUX in a straight two on two match. But here they are, hoping to finally get some revenge against a stable that's hurt them so badly over these past months. BUFFER Now making their way to the ring, the opponents, from Detroit and Auburn Hills Michigan, they are Showtime Shayne Brave, Tremendous Tyler Bryant.....D*LUUUUUXXXXXX! As the purple and pink lights swirl about the arena the pair, in matching purple cargo pants, dart down the ring ramp, and slide into the squared circle. The second they pop up they shoot menacing glares towards their foes for the night. COLE D*LUX will team up with Krista at Great Angle Bash to battle The Enterprise unit of CPA, Simon Singleton and Christian Wright. Originally that match was intended to be for the six man titles, but Moneymaker quickly had that changed, substituting Wright in Ned's place. Either way, we're looking forward to another excellent match in this broiling feud. DING DING DING The affair opens with a lockup between Wright and Shayne. Though the move is normally pedestrian, CPA ensures it will be anything but. He leaps upon the ring apron and begins barking out a wealth of slurs at the boybander. Annoyed by the actions of his tormentor, Brave breaks the lock up and moves to confront Allen. However, Wright uses his teammate's distraction to chop block his foe. As Brave hollers out in a mixture of anguish and frustration, Wright further torments his limb with a series of elbow strikes. After the sixth blow lands with crushing accuracy, The Natural moves the handsome idol into a leg lock. Instantly Wright demands submission, lashing punches into his foe's chest to increase the motivation to give up. But Brave remains valiant through the onslaught, and grabs onto the ropes with relative ease. “SHAYNE! SHAYNE!” COLE Jade may have been abandoned D*LUX but it's safe to say these fans will never do the same! The OAOAST audiences love these boys! At the request of referee Billy Silverman, Wright relinquishes his grip on Brave. Once the teen hunk rises upright, the assault resumes once more. CW lacerates his back with hate filled clubbing forearms, before finally trapping him into an inverted facelock. Brave isn't even afforded an opportunity to fight free of the hold before the DC native foists him into the sky. Wright begins to bridge him backwards in hopes of nailing a vertical suplex. However, Brave shifts his slippery body free of the hold and lands with his back pressed against Wright's. He traps the snooty superstar into an inverted ¾ facelock then promptly pulls down, snapping CW's neck off his shoulder. CW cries out in agony, but his screams are quickly muffled by the cheer of the crowd, and the sound of Silverman scoring Brave's pinfall... ONE To the crowd's immense displeasure, Singleton enters the ring to break up the pinfall with a swipe of his boot. This draws Shayne's ire and he darts after the retreating six man champ. Unfortunately his chase is halted by CW capturing him into a school boy. Silverman counts the ensuing pinfall... ONE This time it's Tyler Bryant who saves the day, striking Wright's head with a well placed elbow. Though the crowd is enraptured by Bryant's actions, Wright is irate and gives chase after our pop hero! In a classic example of turnabout being fair play, Brave silences Wright's ferocity with a school boy. Silverman makes the count... ONE Wright kicks out with unerring ease. Both competitors spring to their feet at the same moment, but it's CW who strikes the hardest, lashing at the tiger beat hottie with a diving lariat. Pushing aside the pain, Brave immediately rises upright, only to be caught by a snap powerslam from the detested heel. As he's pleased with the damage his move has wrought, CW retreats to his corner and applies the tag with Singleton. Simon enters the ring to find himself greeted by a round of boos and a suddenly resurgent Showtime! ShayBray peppers him left and right jabs that back him into a neutral corner. Once he ceases his slugfest he grabs hold of Singleton's arm and hurls him into the opposite turnbuckles. Brave darts after him, seeking to crush him beneath the weight of his body and the posts. However, Simon evades such a lethal attack, by latching onto the ropes and using them to propel himself over his incoming foe. Brave avoids a similar collision with the posts, simply by stopping his running boots. He turns around to blast The Video Voyeur with discus punch only to find Singleton's superkicking shoe screaming towards his face! Shayne counters the move by slamming a basement dropkick into the knee of his rival! “Do this shit right, man!” Allen hollers from the outside. While CPA tries to rally his associate, Brave ascends to second turnbuckle. “Ladies, hands up, lemme see ya shake ya stuff!” Shayne screams to his adoring fans, who respond by shaking their “stuff”. Pleased with his flesh show, the hottie hurls himself off his perch and strikes Singleton with a leg drop! The pain from the blow is immense, and Singleton convulses on the canvas. Elsewhere, Brave makes the tag to Tyler Bryant, earning a huge pop from the audience as a result. The boybanders ignore the cheers of the crowd for the moment and concoct a rather brutal double team to execute on Singleton. They each take hold of his leg then suddenly, and cruelly, jerk the limb sideways, putting an unholy amount of pressure on his groin! Simon shoots his back off the canvas and propels a blood curdling scream into the night sky. The situation grows even worse for the despised heel when the teen screams dart off the ropes and drive double dropkicks into his bare back! “WE LOVE D*LUX! WE LOVE D*LUX!” the females in the audience sing. As Brave scurries from the squared circle, the injured ex champion lazily struggles upright. As soon he stands fully, he's pounced upon by Bryant's front facelock. “This is for you, jerk!” Bryant hollers, finger pointed towards an indignant Wright. TyBry then lifts his rival into the sky and promptly jerks backwards to punish him with a vertical suplex! “You gotta go harder then that, Si! South Carolina, Simon! South Carolina! ” CPA bellows to his wounded comrade. The Tremendous one retreats to the ropes in order to punish his foe with running 450 splash. But the second he hits the cables, his former manager, Jade Rodez takes hold of his designer tennis shoes, locking him into place. Besieged with disgust over his ex-friend's actions, Bryant woefully pleads with her to let him go free. It's a request she grants only when she witnesses Singleton pulverize him with an inverted DDT! COLE The actions of Jade Rodez just get more disgusting by the week. I can't even bring myself to be surprised by them anymore. Having had his share of the teeny boppin' duo, Double S decides to allow CW into the affair once more. He latches onto Bryant's arm and roughly drags him to the corner, where his hand meets Wright's for the tag. While Wright positions himself atop the second turnbuckle, Singleton further incapacitates their rival with a basic body slam. Once The Natural is assured that TyBry is sufficiently injured he leaps from his perch with a graceful frog splash! The thunderous impact of the crash rips the wind from Bryant's slender body, and brings worried cries to the mouthes of teenage girls across the nation. Wright, however, is all smiles as he attempts a pinfall off his signature hold. ONE TWO But Bryant kicks out, greatly pleasing the sold out crowd. He speedily moves to his feet, but finds himself instantly trapped within the clutches of The Natural. Wright brings his enemy to his shoulders in a standing fireman's carry, the setup for the deathly Bank Roll. But much to the fans' glee, TyBry evades the horrible move by swinging backwards, attaching his hands onto Wright's Brooks Brother's slacks and trapping him in a pinning situation! Silverman rushes to score the fall.. ONE TWO Seconds before Silverman's hand can slap the sweat soaked canvas, Wright shoots his shoulder off it. An audible groan speeds through the arena, but it certainly doesn't come from CPA, who pumps his fists in excitement over Wright's kickout. The 2005 rookie of the year rolls to his feet, where he meets Bryant with a thundering lariat! But the Auburn Hills native ducks bellow the move, and carries his black shoes to the orange ring ropes. Upon his return CW retries his lariat effort, but is viscously countered by the TRL cutie's signature yakuza kick! However, CW desperately dives bellow the strike! This leaves Bryant's errant boot to collide savagely with the adorable face of his apron based partner. As the fans shriek in dismay, Brave is deposited in a cold, battered heap on the steel guardrails. COACH Hahahaah! Lil mama just told! With Silverman distracted by the duty of checking on Brave's health, the Enterprise feels free to engage in their typical underhanded tactics. Singleton enters the ring, a rampaging lunatic, eager to scorch through Bryant with a diving shoulder block. However, TyBry brushes aside such actions by meeting his incoming rival with a flipping dropkick! Unfortunately, as soon as he lands, he's snatched into a wheel barrow suplex position by Senor Wright. CW lifts him upwards, but gets no farther then that as Bryant overpowers him with a bull dog! “TYLER'S A HOTTIE! TYLER'S A HOTTIE!” the girls sing. As CW lies on the mat, squirming in grotesque agony, Bryant bounds off the ropes and lands a knee strike onto his already busted face. Fortunately for Wright, his misery ends at that exact moment as Singleton returns to fray, wielding a flurry of punches. But Bryant abruptly cuts short his onslaught by blasting him with leaping dropkick! Ever the cowardly one, Simon rolls out of the ring to beat a hasty retreat from his energetic foe. However, Tyler refuses to show Si any mercy, and quickly follows him outside. Singleton's speed is no match for that of Bryant, who easily catches him, and begins hammering him with clubbing forearms. COLE Someone needs to restore order on the outside! Silverman intends to do just that, trying to interject himself between the brawling Bryant and Singleton. While his efforts are being wasted on the warring grapplers on the outside, inside the ring Wright staggers upright. His intention to assist Singleton in his brawl with Tyler, however, a recovered and returning, Shayne makes this all but impossible. CW whirls around to horsewhip his approaching foe with an elbow smash. The teen idol slips beneath his arm, and puts himself in a fabulous position to inflict some serious harm to his archrival! Wright turns around and gets his head smacked from side to side like a ping pong ball by Brave's raid fire punches! Acting entirely out of a sense of self-preservation, Wright turns the tide by boorishly poking Brave in his baby blue eyes. “BOOOOOOO!” While CW catches his depleted breath, Brave woozily staggers about the ring, combating temporary blindness and the water forming in his eye sockets. As the moralistic fans decry his shameful display, Wright is already executing his next move, a standard brainbuster. However Shayne prevents his brains from being busted by latching onto the ring ropes as if his young life depends on it. Despite his unrivaled strength, Wright can't manage to overpower the rope aided resistance of his foe. Now looking like a man possessed by the darklord himself, CW breaks his hold and promptly attempts to separate Shayne's head and neck from the rest of his body with a lariat! Wright dodges the beheading, rolling bellow the approaching arm and making The Natural even madder then before. However his anger gets him nowhere as, Brave traps him into a standing head scissors. His hands coil around his rival's in the makings of a powerbomb. However that move never materalizes, as Wright's raw power allows him to upend the boybander with a fearsome backbody drop that tumbles him over the ropes. COLE Oh no! Brave manages to alleviate the audience's and Cole's fears by landing with his boots squarely placed on the apron. Unfortunately he doesn't maintain that position for very long, before CPA hauls him off the apron. Showtime lands with boots planted firmly on the mat, and remembering his drubbing in the boxing match, eagerly seeks vengeance of his larger rival. As the crowd chants his name, he wallops Allen with hate filled haymakers that connect beautifully on the man's jaw. COLE CPA may have gone barking up the wrong tree! Wright realizes this painful fact, and immediately moves to aid his comrade. His two hundered twenty five pounds showcase stunning agility as they dive through the ropes like a kamikaze airplane. It's pilot explodes upon his victim, capsizing him to the canvas in order to win Allen his freedom. It's a freedom that is frustratingly short lived, however. Bryant, free from his war with Singleton, darts around the ring to the nearest steel steps. He uses the metal lodging as a launching pad to hurl himself at the still dazed CPA. Ty rips through his enemy, torpedoing him into the ninth level of hell, where punches rain freely upon his skull! “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” the audience screams. COLE Tyler Bryant is a man on fire right now! All the frustration over Jade's departure is being taken out on CPA! However, the previously docile Jade refuses to allow CPA to be the striking board of Tyler's rage. She takes a firm clamp on his stringy black hair and roughly yanks him away from her associate. As she cranks on his neck, his eyes meet her's, and his soul burns in the flame of her frost bitten indifference. He wants to plead with her, beseech her to return things to the way they used to be. However, the only thing that comes out of his mouth are anguished screams brought on by Simon Singleton driving his tripod into his midsection! “BOOOOOOO!” Understanding that Simon has just destroyed all pretext of athletic competition, Silverman calls for the bell. However the fans are much too concerned with Tyler's safety to lament the no-contest of the bout. COACH Simon just got that boy good! Bryant is left doubled over in incredible agony, and finds himself wide open to repeated lashings from his sadistic foe. As the callous steel cuts away chunks of his flesh he latches onto the guardrail for support. Hands trembling, eyes watering, he tries his damnedest to remain upright and gather the strength needed to combat this tormenting menace. Unfortunately, one powerful swipe of the tripod fells the teen idol, and renders all hope obsolete. That is until a monstrous pop erupts from every inch of the arena. While Singleton uses his tripod to choke the life out of the helpless Bryant, the camera pans towards the ramp to reveal Krista Isadora Duncan, field hockey stick in left hand, beer bottle in right hand, charging down the ramp to aid her only two male friends! COLE Alright, Krista! COACH Don't encourage her public drunkenness! The woman needs to be shamed into changing her wicked ways! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Allen asserts himself as the first and most intimidating line of defense against the rampaging California girl. But the blonde bombshell cuts right through the massive fortress with a diving swipe of her beer bottle. Golden brown liquid, crimson goo, and pained hollers spill into the atmosphere, as a lifeless Allen crumples to a useless wad of flesh and sweat, and the crowd responds with great joy. COACH This is absurd! CPA is only trying to defend his friends and she turns this into a messed up combination of Animal House and The Babysitter's Club. Krista is all over Singleton. The graphite stick whirls and strikes, and every overhand chop crashes against Simon's tripod with the unstoppable power of a meteor strike. Overwhelmed by her insane tenacity, Singleton makes little effort to fight back, merely parrying her blows to preserve his perilous safety. He retreats backwards, moving towards Jade, who fearfully inches away from the lunatic onslaught. However, Krista keeps coming, tirelessly and ferocious. The hockey stick is everywhere, flashing, and whirling faster and faster, until Simon sees a pair of Guess pumps speeding through the face. The resonating whipcrack of her heel sends Simon flying hard against the steel barricade. Before the pain can even register in his body, Krista is once again in motion, landing a spinning side kick that folds Simon in half. She uses one more burst of agility to spin into a blindingly fast wheel kick that brings her heel against the point of his chin with the report of a mighty slug thrower. Simon is knocked down, and his tripod tumbles harmlessly out his hands. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Snarling in primal rage, Krissy springs forward with weapon raised to level the fatal blow. Unfortunately, while the blow may prove devastating, it's harsh affects won't be felt by Simon. Rather it's Jade Rodez, apparently hit by Krista's back swing, who emits chilling roars of torture as she falls into the canvas. Bright blond hair spills in front of her bonelessly limp body, shielding the terrible damage Krista's inadvertent attack must've caused from the camera. The fans, previously enraptured by Krista's femme fatale antics, are deadly silent at the sight of Jade's wounded condition. COLE Oh god. I..I..think...Jade getting struck right in the head with that field hockey stick.... COACH That's the second week in a row these morons., who think they're operating in Jade's best interest, have let their temper get the best of them, and she gets hurt because of it. Way to go! Krista is overcome by an immeasurable amount of sorrow and guilt. Distraught tears well in the corner of her blue eyes, as she observes the horrific damage she's brought onto her former protege. She drops to her knees, frantically using her decent medical knowledge to try and will Jade back to health. Her usually sarcastic mouth now pours out river of apologies and regrets towards her lost friend. In her moment of greatest weakness, the serpent bites the hardest. The impact of Wright's chair shot against her back is a blast of white fire. A few seconds later there is another impact against her back, that is the guard rail, and the room turns upside down, and she falls towards the ceiling, but not really, of course: it simply feels that way because Wright has thrown her over the guard rail and she's falling head first to the floor, and neither her arms nor legs seem to want to make the landing easy on her. Thus she splats on the floor, the considerable pain in her body, preventing her from noticing that through the bars, Jade is rising to her feet, looking as though the catastrophic accident never occurred. COLE Wait a second... While Cole may like to pontificate over Jade's quick recovery, he's forced to pay attention towards an outraged Shayne Brave sinking his hooks into Krista's assailant with a piggyback sleeper. Yet his act of retribution doesn't last long, before the suddenly proactive Jade pulls him off her stable mate. Brave is left in a state of disbelief over her defense of Wright, and demands that she comes to her senses and leave these “animals to their cages”. Whatever her answer to his order is, he's not conscious to hear it as CPA and Singleton decimate him with a double lariat. Their limbs cross at his throat, sniping him like scissors, and letting him casually sink to the mat like a discarded piece of paper. “BOOOOOO!” Security floods the scene of the crime, wishing to avoid a repeat of last week. Thankfully, The Enterprise retreats without hassle, walking up the ramp with hands raised, and mouthes smiling. Even Jade looks pleased with her role in the proceedings, and shows little signs of injury or affliction. COLE Something isn't right here! Jade Rodez just got creamed by a field hockey stick, from a California state champion field hockey player no less, and now she's right as rain? That doesn't compute to me. I'd hate to accuse her of anything but... COACH Then don't, Cole. Don't. Just because she's walking now don't mean she's not injured. For a whiteboy, you don't know nothing bout no hockey, and for a gay man you don't know nothing bout no field hockey. 2003 Stanley cup finals, Paul Karyia is leveled by a Scott Stevens bodycheck, has to be helped off the ice by his teammates. The very next shift, Karyia back on the ice, and scores a game tying goal! Are you gonna tell me that Paul Karyia was faking it? COLE No... COACH Then don't tell me Jade is faking it either! COLE I never even said that. But I'm not going to sit here and argue with you. Fans, there is more HeldDOWN, including our mainevent featuring Zack Malibu, to come. COMMERCIAL The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling. Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown. (voiceover) Summer is upon us... Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool. Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind. Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens. And that means, the cookouts... Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle. The apple pie... Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash. And don't forget... Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist) The American Pasttime. Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark. ...yeah, right. Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars. On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View. The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black. World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence! LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view! Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background. AXEL WE can NOT tell a lie. Commercial break

COLE Right now let’s go backstage to “Mean” Gene Okerlund with the Lone Star Gunslingers. Where backstage? The locker room area of course. OKERLUND Gentlemen, 3 nights from now at the Great Angle Bash you’ll be facing not one but two teams for the HI-YAH tag titles. Will the third time be the charm? BARON As far as Jock and I are concerned Gene, we are the uncrowned HI-YAH tag team champions. Every time the Lone Star Gunslingers have been in the ring with the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew we’ve had them beat, but due to circumstances beyond our control we stand here tonight title less. Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash you best believe those circumstances will be under control. Because on that night Jock and I will be able to keep a close eye on the men who have cost us the HI-YAH tag team championship on two separate occasions, the Heavenly Rockers. JOCK If they try to pull another fast one on us, it’ll be their last. MELODY (sighs) Come on, you guys. Can’t we all just get along? Logan’s said it’s not about the HI-YAH tag team titles to the Heavenly Rockers, right? They just want the heads of Rico de Janeiro and “Sweet” Lucius Soul. It’s the belts we want. So why not have the best of both worlds? The Heavenly Rockers get the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and we get the HI-YAH tag team championship. It’s a win-win situation for everybody! JOCK Hm, I think you may be on to something. MELODY Totally. Then once the Heavenly Rockers are done ANNIHILATING the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and you guys are officially crowned new HI-YAH tag team champions of the world, we all can be friends again! BARON COLE From one Nerdly sister to the next, here's Margaret! MAGGIE What up ya'll. Resident pep girl Maggie Nerdly here, trying her best to show some sense of remorse so I don't look like a total jerk in front of the guy I'm interviewing. Because he's had a really tough week and I'm sure he's feeling real poopers. Uhm, Leon Rodez... In walks Leon, hands on hips, not waiting for any questions from our fine wrestling journalist friend. LEON Honestly, this has been the longest week of my life. All week, I've done nothing but sit and stew. Calls. Text messages. E-mails. Nothing I've tried... I mean, I just haven't been able to get hold of her at all! She must know that I just want to apologise. But then, who knows what she's thinking now. It's like she's not even her anymore, like she's been taken entirely off the planet or something, I... I don't even know. I wasn't even going to show up here tonight. And then... Stopping his pacing, Leon looks up. LEON Just when I think I couldn't possibly feel any worse, I see... THAT. And I remember why I threw that goddamn chair in the first place! I'm sorry for the language, it's just... *sighs* MAGGIE I take it you mean the video? LEON Yes, the video. Leon wipes a hand across his face. LEON You know, I don't excuse what happened last week. I'm not proud of it. It wasn't 'me'. I just saw red. The moment Blanchard took off with Jade in tow, I knew I had to do something. See, Ned Blanchard is nothing if not sleaze. Ironic coming from me, maybe. But this isn't just one man's opinion. Ask anyone, absolutely anyone in these halls. He is scum. What you saw earlier on was scum. What you've seen week in and week out on this program, New New Midnight Express, Beverly Hills Blonds, whatever... sleaze and scum. And when that sleaze and scum starts to set it's sights on my little sister, like I say, I'm not proud of the way I acted and it was no example to set to my fans, but I stand by my reasons. MAGGIE Well, plenty of interesting stuff's been going down in OAOAST HQ regarding The Great Angle Bash. Originally Krista Isadora Duncan and D*LUX had the 6-Man Tag Team Titles in their sights. But, The Enterprise have wheeled and they've dealed and the line-up has changed. So now KID and D*LUX are gonna be taking on the mish-mash mirade of CPA, Simon Singleton and CPA. And now, you are gonna be paired up with your ex-squeeze Alix Maria Spezia, tagging up against Theodore Moneymaker and one Mr. Blanchard. So... wait, I thought Alix was a... you know... a lezzer? ALIX (off-screen) Why, I am sweetie! Skipping into shot is Alix Maria Spezia, inexplicably eating a big sandwich. ALIX Mmm, good stuff. Oh, for future reference, some other, fresher, neater 'slang' for ya to drop? Queers. Dykes. Bulldykes. Dick Van Dykes. Cat flaps. Melon farmers. Trout fishers. And, my personal favourite, 'men'. Never fails to get a chuckle. Tee-hee. SEE! See what I did there, I reinforced my own point because I realised it was dying a terrible, lonely death. Hey, speaking of terrible lonely deaths, let's talk about The Enterprise, huh? LEON I think we already were. Looking up from her big sandwich, which is becoming less and less 'big' by the second as various bits of filling fall out of the lazily held sandwich, Alix seems to just now notice the presence of her once male beau. I meant, her once beau. He was always male. So... okay, nevermind. ALIX Oh... hey. LEON Yeah, hi. MAGGIE Wooooooooooooooo... third wheel alert! Quick Maggie, think of a question. Something that can not possibly cause you to feel any more awkward right about now. Gotta be tasteful. Okay, uhm... oh, yeah! Don't you guys think it's gonna be a teensy bit awkward, having to team together, what with you once dating but then breaking up and spending the past six months trying to avoid each other after you spent so long fighting over the 24/7 Championship? ..... MAGGIE ...can I rephrase that? LEON Look, it doesn't matter who my partner is. No offence. Alix dusts off the piece of lettuce in her hand and jams it back in her sandwich, before proceeding to take a huge bite out of it. ALIX Hey, lemon floor cleaner! Happy childhood memories are made of this! LEON ...all that matters is the opponents. I've got the two men I hold directly responsible for the fact my sister isn't 'my sister' anymore, the man with the means and the man with the brains behind it. Theodore Moneymaker, who tempted her away with his ill-gotten gains. And Ned Blanchard, because let's face it, somebody had to plant the idea in Moneymaker's mind. And I think it's pretty clear what ideas Blanchard has. Sunday night, he might have to find some other ideas. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way to deal with people of Ned's ilk. Castration, that is. ALIX Now, hang on a second there ex-lover. When you speak of castration, are you referring to the medically tried and tested route of injecting known sexual deviants with harmful substances to neuter any sex-drive they may have, which may bring on certain side-effects such as nausea and weight gain? Or, do you speak of the much more satisfying method of a swift kick in the balls? Cause, if it's the first one, then technically Ned would be more Nedwina than Nedward. And then, with re-alligned gender issues aplenty, I might be plunged into deep competition for the hand, heart and places beyond of sweet Krista! They have a kiddy together, after all. I call unfair advantage on that one! I have never in my life been able to provide that service. Not since the government shut down my orphanarium and general hardware emporium! D.I.Y Don't I Have A Mommy never even made it into th telephone directory. No wonder I lost $24,000 of Krista's money. Oh, by the way, if she asks, I bought $24,000 of shares in Apple Computers 5 years ago when they were on the verge of being forever claimed by obscurity and now I'm a bonefide billionairess. MAGGIE Okay, sure. ALIX Neat-o! Alix keeps her bed! By the way, what sort of a goofy name is 'Apple' for a computer. What does a humble fruit have to do with one of techno... LEON (interrupting) This is just another reason why Sunday night can't come soon enough. Moneymaker, Blanchard, all the money in the world won't help you to prevent the conglomoration of my boots and your small intenstines. ALIX Translation: "He done gon' kick yo' ass, boiiiiiz!" Alix throws up some gang-signs for the demographic she feels needed to be translated to. After a few seconds of watching and waiting for some sort of sanity to return, Maggie and Leon shrug. Alix continues eating her big sandwich. LEON And I'm sure Alix will have plenty to say for herself while the merger is taking place. Shaking his head for a multitude of reasons, Leon walks off. Looking up from her big sandwich, Alix quickly takes the hint and walks off as well as we go back to the arena where the crowd is abuzz over Leon's words.

ALL AMERICAN BOYS Names: Freedom & Liberty Ages: Both are 34 Height: Both are 6' Weight: Freedom-220 Liberty-230 Hometown: The Hearts of The American People Alignment: Face Entrance Music: James Brown-Living in America Entrance style: Images of true americana flash on the video screen, as the Boys walk out red white and blue pyro rockets shoot into the air from the entrance stage, they then give way to red pyro sprarklers on the video screens. Liberty waves the flag around, while Freedom shakes hands with the fans and kisses babies Wrestling Style: All rounder Entrance Attire: Occasionally wear the USA Basketball team's jersey which they give to young fans in the front row. Nice dudes. Ring Attire: long American flag pattern tights and matching boots Finishing move: Freedom-Truth, Justice, And the American Way (3 full nelson suplexs), Liberty-Give me liberty or give me death (running death valley driver) Double team moves: Declaration of Independence-Spiked pile driver Right to bear arms-running double lariat Basic moveset: Nothing flashy at all. They're jobbers after all! Catchphrases: "This is our country!", "These colors don't run!" (said while holding the flag or pointing to their flag pattern tights) History: Often abused jobbers, this version of the AAB's continues to take the beatings that their forefathers were sent into early retirement from. But they do so with pride and love for the country! The Last Kings Of Scotland Names: Danny Boy and "The Braveheart" Scottish Scott Scott Danny Boy Ages: Danny Boy is 29 Scott is 32 Height: DB-5'10 SS-5'10 Weight: Both are a nice even 215 lbs Hometown: SS-Glasgow Danny Boy-Glasgow by way of Dublin by way of Boston, so Danny has this weird fucked up accent that isn't quite scottish, irish, or boston, but it sure does sound strange!! Entrance Music: DJ Sakin & Friends - Protect Your Mind (its a dance song if that means anything!) Entrance Attire: Scott wears a beat up, rusted, decrepit crown and a leather jacket that's encased by numerous chains and metal straps, and carries a spiked club. Entrance Style: Dark blue and white lights swirl across the entrance stage, and the duo saunter to the ring with an arrogant walk. Scott usually swings his club at the front row fans. Ring Attire: Black and blue kilts. Sometimes Scott will wrestle in his leather jacket Finishing Move: Scott: Collie-buckie-Spinning front electric chair slam Danny-Flower of Scotland (top rope brainbuster) Double team finisher: Highland Farewell (double top rope leg drops) Basic moveset: Lower level cruiser moves, and Scott enjoys cheating to win and hits quite a bit harder than Danny. Danny uses moves to win, whereas Scott uses moves to hurt people. Catchphrases/Taunts: Danny actually blows air bagpipes after hitting a big move, and also sings "Danny Boy". Scott will usually pound his chest after flooring someone with a nasty strike. He'll also argue with the referee over even the most minor of issues.

HEY, THAT WAS..oops caps lock is on, that was a pretty good show

credits aka random baseball thoughts WTF@ Elijah Dukes "You dead, dawg. I ain't even [expletive]. Your kids, too." "I've got to go. I've got a video game to finish."

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD The club thumping hit Party Like A Rockstar blares into living rooms worldwide, accompanied by the hyper flashy intro video. Character specific locales and close ups burn onto the screen, highlighting the major players in our melodrama. After the video concludes and the song comes to an end the logo is shown... FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, The FedEx Forum and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! Ignoring the wealth of screaming fans, the camera cuts straight to the announce team. Both members have attired themselves in the traditional bright, bright, bright orange polo shirts. We probably shouldn't have hired that colorblind homeless dude to direct the wardrobe department. But I digress. COLE Folks, Memphis, Tennessee is on fire tonight! Welcome to another edition of HeldDOWN~!, I'm Michael Cole, partnered up with The Coach. It's a night of title matches here on Thursday, as we have a WDW versus OAOAST bout for the Heartland title, Thunderkid pairing off against Felix Strutter! I'm pulling for Thunder all the way! Cuban Wall makes another defense his 24/7 title. And in the main event, Chicks Over Dicks defends their world tag team titles against former champions, Los Infernales! El Dandy and Spider Poet are making their first appearance in an OAOAST ring in three years, thanks to Theodore Moneymaker. Get this, he's paid them three million dollars a piece just to show up, and will give them two million dollars as a winning bonus. The man is out of his mind, and may be out of money pretty soon. But enough about that, let's start the show! As is becoming almost customary (like Meatloaf sang, two outta three ain't bad), HeldDOWN~! kicks off in a big way as "Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach powers through the arena. The Memphis crowd rise to their feet as the doors part, making way for the World's Heavyweight Champion! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... your OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... ZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK MMMMMAAAAALLLLLIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUU!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Zack tags a few hands on his march to the ring. He certainly doesn't look in that great of a mood. But, he knows what's up when it comes to keeping the masses happy. A slapped hand here, a bought t-shirt there. Ching ching ching all the way to the bank baby. COLE And welcome to the home of Kings, Memphis Tennessee, where the King of the OAOAST is wasting no time in gracing us with his presence. COACH What's the over-under on an Elvis reference tonight? I've got 2 minutes, fifty one seconds in the sweepstakes. Rolling into the ring, Zack accepts the microphone from Buffer and waits for some decorum from the crowd. ZACK (holds up a hand to quieten the crowd) Now, I don't want to waste too much of everyone's time tonight talking. There's plenty of other people in the back who can do that job much more efficiently. I want to make this real short and sweet. Last week, as I'm sure you all saw, I defended this OAOAST World Heavyweight Title for the first time in virtually three years. Just like I promised to, I started on the road to bringing some prestige back to the World Title. Boricua was a stiff test. He's a big guy, an uncompromising opponent. Trust me, I've still got the bruises from Boricua even a week on. But I took him on and I came out victorious. A few of the crowd applaud, needlessly. ZACK Thank you. Now, one other thing I promised was that I was to be a fighter. Not someone who shies away from battle. If someone wants a shot at Zack Malibu, they're not going to have to wonder if and when he's going to be in the same area-code, let alone the same arena. They can be sure that he won't be hard to find. Which brings me to Landon 'La Cucaracha' Maddix... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" ZACK It's real simple. Seeing as you're finding it so hard to wait until The Great Angle Bash, let's not wait. You clearly want Zack Malibu... and trust me, I'd like nothing more than to ki... The World Champion begins to trail off at the end of his last sentence, his eye caught by the changing picture on the AngleTron. The sounds of the hustle and bustle of the Memphis air hover around as we see the very person, LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX, standing in what is clearly the parking lot. Landon smirks as back in the arena, Zack puts his hands on his hips. MADDIX Let me cut you off, because we all know where this is going Zack. You play the bigman, I come out full off bravado and say I'll take you on...... just not tonight~!, right? Well, usually that might be true. Clichéd as it may be, I'm a sucker for the classics. But, honestly... (glances at watch)... it's not really worth my time. See, there's the point right there Zack. At The Great Angle Bash, you will be worth my time. Your World Heavyweight Championship will be worth my time. Now? No. Just... just no. ZACK So, you found a cameraman and dragged him into the parking lot just to tell me 'no'? MADDIX Pretty much, yes. Zack rolls his eyes. MADDIX Although, I do feel I owe you an explanation. See, last week, I guess you could say I 'played my Wildcard' when I came out and attacked you. A moment of weakness, I assure you. See, I'd just lost the SWF Title, I... ZACK Yeah, I heard about that! Unhappy at being cut off, especially for the reason he was, Landon grits his teeth. MADDIX Jest all you like, Malibu. All that's going to do is make me more determined to take YOUR title! Infact, the only reason I'm even here tonight was to sign off on some paperwork. Now that's done? Well, I guess I'll be on my way. See you June 24th Zack. And with that, Landon begins to walk off. ZACK Hey, Landon! Don't try and leave in a limo whatever you do, never know what might happen! COLE *rimshot* COACH *shifty eyes* MADDIX (jogging back into shot) I'll have you know, I leave everywhere I go in a limo. That's the life you lead when you're a bonafide success story like myself. Comes with the territory. ZACK Okay, if you insist. But, just to be on the safe side, let me get the door for you. And with that (I really have to come up with some new segueways), Zack drops the microphone and begins to march back up the aisle. The crowd cheer Zack on as we see Landon on the AngleTron, questioning to someone if Zack is actually coming after him. The parking lot and the ring are understandably a little ways away though, so in the meantime, we cut to Sofa Central. COLE Well, anyone hanging out in the parking lot was probably tempting fate to begin with, considering recent events... COACH *more shifty eyes* COLE ...but now, I suggest they make themselves scarse and quick. Because Zack Malibu is on the warpath! COACH Yawn. Same old, same old. You know, Zack's got a real mentality problem. He always has to take everything in this business to heart and have everything effect him so personally, it's no wonder he's got so many enemies. If you continually go looking for trouble, sooner or later you're gonna find it, that's my opinion. COLE I hardly think Zack is 'looking for trouble'. It was Landon that interrupted him two weeks ago... and Landon who tried to ambush him just last week! COACH Look, he already explained that... COLE ...okay, we're hearing through the headsets, that Zack is... well, let's go back there... We cut back to the parking lot, just as Zack has made his way into the parking lot. As he skims past a couple of cars, Zack finds himself in the wide-open, looking around a little cautiously as he unstraps the OAOAST World Title and sets it on a car hood. With no sign of Landon around, Malibu stands with hands on hips, scanning the lot. Let's face it, wrestlers in parking lots, it doesn't always end well. Which gives Zack the right to look a little suspicious. COLE Did Landon leave? COACH Well, that was his intention before Zack went storming out there, so maybe. Keeping half an eye on his belt, Zack continues to walk around, trying to figure out if he's even in the right spot which Landon was being filmed from. And after a few seconds warning, suddenly off jogs Zack, in the direction of where Maddix can be seen, standing on the roof of a white rental car. COLE Here we go! Curiously, Landon doesn't seem worried that he's been found, or that he's being charged at by the world's foremost pissed off prep. A simple smirk hangs on his face. Zack continues running at him, ready to scale the front of the car in mid-run... ...when suddenly, he comes to a stop. *OOOOF!* A painful stop. COLE HEY... what the hell!? The same smirk stays etched on Landon's face, as Zack collapses, wheezing from the knee driven into his gut from MARCELLUS WALLACE of the South Central Miltia! Before Zack can recover his breath Marcellus grabs him in a front facelock and holds him in place, as VINCENT SANTANA runs over... *KE-RAAAACK!* ...AND BREAKS A WOODEN 2x4 CLEAN IN HALF OVER ZACK'S LOWER BACK!!! COLE OH! That two-by-four, right across the ribs... damnit, it was all a trap! COACH Gee, ya think Columbo? Zack drops to the cold concrete, groaning in pain and clutching his ribs as The SCM look at one another, shrug and figure why not put the boots to the World Champion for good measure. With the two on one beatdown in progress, Landon climbs down from the car in the background, swaggering over, so pleased with himself. With a couple of pats on the back Landon calls off the hounds and kneels down next to Zack, who is still curled up, agonisingly groaning and wheezing for breath. MADDIX See, I tried to warn you this would happen, I really did. It's just like I said Zachary... ALL the more determined now. All the more determined. Letting out a tortured cough, Zack can do little more than just glare up at Landon through his wincing eyes. MADDIX Looks like you're not quite the 'fighting champion' you proclaim to be anymore, huh Zack? Hope you know a good chiropractor buddy, not long now. 10 more days and you are mine Zack, whatever's left of you at least. Oh and hey, seeing as it's Memphis, what the hell. (throws arms skywards) The King is dead... long live the King! HAHA, man I am a RIOT! C'mon guys. With one last soccer kick delivered to the ribs, Santana along with Wallace and Landon walk off, leaving Zack laying like roadkill in the middle of the parking lot. Zack continues to groan in pain as finally the camerman has the good sense to forget about filming and try and tend to the World Champion. COLE Well, Landon brings up a good point, we probably should have seen this coming. After all, he's done some pretty low things in the past. And that ranks right up there! He lured Zack back, right into the waiting South Central Militia, who by the way I have NO idea what their problem with Zack is. What is their relationship with La Cucaracha!? I don't get it. The former SWF World Champion... COACH Why must you keep bringing that up? COLE ...he looks like a desperate man to me. And that desperation has led to what we just saw. Zack Malibu, the World Champion, laid out and hopefully if someone is listening, we can get some medical attention back there for Zack. COACH Somebody better be listening, otherwise our job is pretty pointless. But that aside, let's not get it twisted. 'Desperate' is one opinion on it. Me? I prefer genius. COLE Genius!? COACH Genius. It was an ingenious plan. Landon fed Zack the bait and sure enough, SuperZack swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Hell, I'm sure deep down Zack realised it might be a trap, but he just couldn't resist the chance to play the big action-hero of the OAOAST, our very own Sylvester Stallone. And now he's lying in the dirt trying to hold his ribs in place. Hardly Eye Of The Tiger stuff, is it? Because Zack's not dealing with some action-movie villian who leaves James Bond tied-up in a room all alone, he's dealing with Landon Maddix. COLE ...you're unbelievable. Let's take a well deserved break, shall we? No. I'm the director here. I say we go to Gene Okerlund OKERLUND Right now, I want to bring in two gentlemen with a lot on their minds right now, Lucius Soul and Rico de Janeiro, the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions... From either side of shot, in walk the two members of The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Both sporting annoyed looks, Lucius furiously combing his 'fro. OKERLUND ...and judging from the looks on your faces, you're well aware of the big announcement regarding The Great Angle Bash. LUCIUS You damn right we aware! And lemme tell ya Gene-O, there's only one word to describe it... 'wack'. Real wack! OKERLUND I don't think I'm familiar with that word. LUCIUS It ain't right Gene-O, it just ain't right brotha'. Putting us against not one, but two teams? What did we ever do to deserve that!? Just because the cowboys and the rockstars have got beef? Listen, that ain't got nothin' to do with me an' Rico man. If them fools got beef, then let 'em settle it between them. Don't go gettin' me and Rico, a couple'a innocent bystanders, involved in all'a this! OKERLUND Innocent bystanders? So, you're saying that you don't hold any responsibility for the wedge driven in the friendship between The Lonestar Gunslingers and The Heavenly Rockers? LUCIUS Eeee-xactly! RICO This isn't our doing. The cosmic Gods of love thrust myself and Hollywood into each other's paths and our pants. It was fate. A fateful attraction. An issue between one man and one woman, just as nature intended. *strokes 'stache* Until, The Heavenly Rockers got involved. Did we ask for that? Not at all. We took them on... and The Gunslingers got involved. So, we graciously give the cowboys not one but two shots at our belts... sure enough, Synth and Logan gotta stick their noses in again. And now, there's trouble in paradise? Hey. Nothing to do with us. LUCIUS Gene-O, lemme break it down for ya. We don't know why dem fools are 'friends' and frankly, we don't care neither. All me an' Rico are is victims of circumstancerations. OKERLUND LUCIUS And the fact we've gotta defend our straps against four instead'a two, just because suckas can't keep their egos in check? That just ain't right in mah book! OKERLUND Well right or wrong, it will happen at The Great Angle Bash. You two men versus The Heavenly Rockers versus The Lonestar Gunslingers, your biggest test to date. Suddenly, Lucius grins. LUCIUS You know what Gene-O... I wanna thank you man. OKERLUND Really? LUCIUS Yeah. You know, up until just now, me an' Rico were a little pertubed at the cards that had been dealt us, if you know what I mean. But, you've given us the chance to get some stuff off our chests. And now, thinkin' 'bout it for a minute, we are just innocent bystanders. So, maybe come The Bash, we'll just stand innocently by, while the 'friends' do what they gotta do. RICO You know what, da's right chico. This might not be so bad after all. See, you wanna have The 'Slingers and The Rockers out there at the same time? Not a problem. 'Cause, we're more than happy for Holly and Melody to be in the same place at the same time too. Mardi Gras's a happenin' man, there's plenty to go around. And come Great Angle Bash, the way I sees it, it's gonna come down to just one thing. Who wants it. Who wants it more. Who wants... Rico grind his hips and thrusts his pelvis off into the distance. RICO ...A MOUSTACHE RIDE!! *strokes 'stache* LUCIUS OKERLUND Gentlemen, I think I've heard enough! You two are repulsive! Lets go back to ringside... (Rico and Lucius walk away)... I cannot believe you two! COACH Crazy old rambling man Gene Okerlund there! Now we may go to commercial COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT ****Heartland Title**** Felix Strutter Vs ThunderKid

The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling. Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown. (voiceover) Summer is upon us... Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool. Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind. Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens. And that means, the cookouts... Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle. The apple pie... Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash. And don't forget... Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist) The American Pasttime. Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark. ...yeah, right. Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars. On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View. The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black. World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence! LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view! Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background. AXEL WE can NOT tell a lie. Commercial break The view is that of a darkened arena, abuzz with anticipation, crowd scarcely able to contain their excitement for the mainevent. Buffer certainly doesn't help clam matters as he stands ready to speak. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, The Enterprise is proud to present to you our mainevent! It is for the most coveted prize in all of tag team wrestling, the OAOAST world tag team title! A momentary flash of lightening reveals an Angletron tagged by blood red letters that read LOS INFERNALES. Do You Call My Name by Ra crackles like thunder, and tense shots of light flash into the night, revealing the angry interior of the entrance stage. Between these ominous webs of light lies the video screen, highlighting the vast achievements of Los Infernales. The entrance doors cast apart, and the figures of the OAOAST legends crack through the sky. COLE First time since 2004, Coachman. Los Infernales in an OAOAST ring. First time since 2003 they've had a tag title shot. COACH And we owe it all to Mister Moneymaker for doing the right thing for the OAOAST and America. If only the pussified liberals in power had the balls to stand up and fight the lesbian demon like Mister Moneymaker. Do as you are told and maybe then we'll let you out You might be dead and cold you might be full of doubt Don't try to escape cause you don't have nowhere to go If nothing is your fate there's no scenario (no nothing) Clad in a dark yellow bodysuit, highlighted by zig zagging black stripes, and a yellow mask, Dandy hoists his arms into the darkened sky, celebrating his status as OAOAST royalty. Poet's two hundred twenty pounds are lodged into a form fitting black leather suit, that's overran by white webbing, and the letter's “SP” scrawled in red on the back. His sneering face is shielded behind a demonic black mask. He beats his hands furiously against the steel staging to the ferocious tune of his entrance music, before exploding upwards to throw his arms towards his side. COLE Well, fans, for once I can honestly thank Theodore Moneymaker. His money has set up quite an amazing tag title match between OAOAST hall of famers Los Infernales and Chicks Over Dicks. Los Infernales is a team that will always hold a great deal of respect from long time fans, however, with the exception of their short tussle with Black T, this was a team that was strongly disliked by the majority of the fanbase. They're about as fondly remembered by the OAOAST faithful as Chris Pronger is to an Oiler fan. They were a great team, but a lot of their actions, Spider Poet in specific, were governed by total insanity. It's no surprise that they've associated with Moneymaker, and it's even less surprising he lauded them as upstanding citizens. Jerks recognizes jerks! COACH All you had to say, was they're a great tag team. One of, if not the best tag teams I have personally ever seen. We've had lots of wrestlers pass through the halls over the years, but both these cats is in the top ten. Neither Dandy nor Poet is overwhelmed by their return to the OAOAST or the prospects of becoming the the third team to hold the coveted belts three times. The anticipated murmur emanating from the sold out audience affects them not a bit. As harsh white lights dance all around them, their lone focus is on the ring, and being victorious inside it. BUFFER Now introducing the challengers! First from,he is a former OAOAST Adrenalin Champion, and a three time OAOAST tag team champion, fighting out of Charleston, South Carolina, he is SPIDER POET! And his partner, he is an international sensation, and an original OAOAST superstar, he is EL DANDY! Together they are the namesake for the Los Infernales conference in the Anderson Cup, two time OAOAST tag team champions, and first ballot OAOAST hall of famers, brought to you by Theodore Moneymaker, and The Enterprise, they are the one and only LOS INFERNALEESSSS! Neither man can be bothered to even acknowledge their own name, preferring to let Buffer's parade of their accomplishments do the boasting for them. Behind their sleek costumes, their blood pumps cold venom, and this is never more evident then when Poet makes the disgraceful throat slashing gesture to the camera. Dandy stands atop the third turnbuckle, a furnace of fury to match his aggressive entrance music. COLE Los Infernales are in for an interesting fight, I don't think they've ever went up against a team like Chicks Over Dicks before. For one thing, COD are females, that's a far cry from the likes of Jingus and Mystery Eskimo. For another, not only do they want to beat you, but they want to humiliate you as well. They really drag you into a vaudeville COACH Poet and Dandy have been in double tables matches, stairway to oblivion matches, and tag gauntlet matches. After all that, Jane Fonda and her half mexican rug muncher ain't gonna be a problem. Lemme switch the beat right quick, and tell you how unpopular lesbians are. Lesbians are so unpopular, so useless, that the only things I have to make fun of them with are “Ellen, Rosie, Melissa Ethridge and The L Word.” Gay men, you got a wide assortment of slurs and vulgarities to disparage them with. Lesbians have about four things. No one gives a shit about lesbians, and this Moneymaker thing is a prime example. If he was going hard at black folk, or Jews, or even gay men, people would be all up in arms. You notice he didn't go after Los Diablos like this. Why? 'Cause, homeboy, would have the whole fagot army up his ass. No one cares about lesbians, and no one cares about Alix and Krista. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! Contradicting Coach's previous statement is the tremendous outpouring of screams and cheers for the soon to be arriving champions. While the always glamorous pink pyro waterfall streams from the ceiling, the chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!' are already out in full force. Joining the festive atmosphere is a stunning red pyro fountain. The glorious displays of pyro power create a wealth of fiery sparks that scream across the dim stagging. Once the red and pink pyro disappears, the usual golden wall flames across the entirety of the entrance stage, it's sonorous shout sounding something like screaming locomotives. COACH I hate that one! Past the misty remnants, stands Krista Isadora Duncan. Her buxom chest strains to be free of a tight pink diamond encrusted tank top. A flirty lace skirt, slit on each side, showcases an ample portion of gorgeous legs that pour into black platform boots. She glides her fingers through her golden hair, and looks directly into the camera, offering an arrogant smirk as her gift to the viewing audience. All around her, Alix treats the entrance stage as a giant race track, darting from one side to the other, to pump their southern fanbase into a frenzy. A white t-shirt that reads “FREE PARIS” hangs to teasing exposure of her midriff. Tiny white shorts reach no further then the steeply jutting slope of her BUTT, her enticing cheeks shimmering tan, round and voluptuous. Ally's prancing is cut short, the moment Krista's hands intertwine with her's. Krissy twirls Alix through the gleaming lights, before hiding her within the loving safety of her arms. Krista's gentle hands treasure her body, kneading it's every curve and contour, enjoying the feel of her soft, silky skin. Alix gasps softly at the touch of her fingers on her hot flesh. She regains enough of her composure from the tender caress to toss her head over her shoulder, and flip a kiss into the camera. BUFFER And now introducing champions, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, a two time 24/7 champion, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California, Krista Isadora Duncan! Together they are three time world tag team champions, Hollywood “It” Girls, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! “C-O-D! C-O-D!” When the girls reach the ring, Alix grabs Krista by the waist and hoists her on the apron with startling ferocity that Krista wouldn't expect from the normally submissive Alix. With her ego swelled to bursting by the unparalleled adulation of the audience, Alix coolly reclines against the apron. She feels the smoothness of Krista's legs coil around her bare stomach, and her body tingles in immediate response. While Ally stands lost within the rapture of the pleasuring touch, Krista passes a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. COACH I gotta feel bad for the bloods in the audience. Most of these bitches out here is beat to hell. I bet they pussy look like some corned beef. Alix and Krista, supposed to be man's escape. “Hey,dude, if we was trapped on a deserted island, you know, I might have a chance.” No chance now, son. You might hide in the bushes, watch them and beat off. Instead these kids gotta be on the Internet at five am, looking at some uneducated fat hood bitch, with five kids, showing her ass on Youtube, and typing “Shorty a straight up dime!” All because of Alix and Krista. You can masturbate to lesbians, but you can't put yourself right in there. You basically just masturbating to a fantasy of you masturbating while two hot chicks do it in front of you. COLE Are you insane? COACH Nah, I'm just tryna kick the shit you need to learn though, that Ether, that shit that make ya soul burn slow. ***Jay-Z is Nas' boss*** With the introduction out of the way, the bell is called for... DING DING DING The affair begins with Krista Isadora Duncan squaring off against El Dandy. The capacity crowd can't seem to calm their sweltering heat over this gargantuan match up, and they continue to stay on their feet, launching cheers into the night. Krista, who didn't even know who EL Dandy was until last week, does not partake in their awed reactions and strides into a lockup with the man. Her gusto is beaten back by his strength, and he pushes her towards the corner. Her muscles strain mightily as she worms way into the ropes to gain a rope break. But his strength defeats her once more, and he drives her into the turnbuckles. Aware of the damage EL Dandy can do the smaller woman in this position, Charles Robinson steps between their struggle. But this does nothing to prevent Dandy from shooting a punch into her cheek! “BOOOO” COLE If it wasn't clear before, then it sure is now, the fans prefer today's tag team champs to yesterday's. Ignoring the fact that his home fed has forsaken the old for the new, Dandy grabs onto Krissy's arm and hurls her into an opposite corner. Her back collides with the posts and she emits a soft whimper of anguish. There's little moment to cry over her injuries, however, as her foe is targeting a shoulder block at her midsection. Thankfully, KID pulls her body out of his path, and his shoulder slices through the steel posts. Dandy is able to stomach the searing pain that comes with his miscue, and pulls himself towards the center of the ring. But as he moves to face the champion, he's not able to stomach the searing pain that goes with the knife edge chop she slams into his chest. “WHOO!” And another! “WHOO!” And another! And... “WAIT!” Krista screams, as Dandy is left teetering on wounded frame, preparing his body for another terrible strike. Confusing both crowd and foe, Krissy madly digs into the turnbuckles, as though she were searching for buried treasure. What she unearths is a true jewel to any woman with $50.99, and access to a Sephora, Krista Isadora Duncan Candy Girl lipstick COLE Talk about your lipstick lesbian! COACH Terrible. While Dandy continues to play the fool, Krista throws on the sugary topping, coating her luring lips in a playful, crystal cut pink. After she's certain her lips are sumptuous and lush with flavor, she turns her attention to her gorgeous hair, seeking out a hairspray to give it that radiant shine. Unfortunately, Dandy has endured enough of this silliness and yells, “COME ON!” Ever the obliging one, Krista says, “Suit yourself.” Dandy grits his teeth, and steels his barrel chest for the incoming chop. Imagine his shock, and terrible nosebleed when Krista obliterates his face with a superkick! KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA! While Dandy copes with his helping of insult and injury, Krista turns her mocking attention to SpiderPoet, and sings, “Spiderman, Spiderman! Does what ever a spider can! Spins a web, any size, catches thieves just like flies. Lookout!! Here comes the Spiderman!” Indeed here comes the Spiderman, drawn into the ring by her incessant taunting. Screaming above the cheers of the audience, Poet is held back with all the strength Robinson can muster. Smiling devilishly, Krissy pours more fuel on his fire, by slinging imaginary webs at him! KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA! While Poet may be restrained by Robinson, Dandy has no such restrictions on him and streams towards Krissy with designs on knocking her out the ring. But Miss Californ-i-a spins at the last second to mow him down with a spear! While Dandy wails in frustration, Krista hovers over his prone body, firing off a sly smile to her adoring fans across the globe. Once she's done showing love to the viewing audience, she leads Dandy to his feet, and drags him into neutral corner, where his face is clobbered into the turnbuckles. He falls to the canvas, eyes smoldering from sweat, and his vision engulfed by the sun soaked beach bunny. While this may be a pleasing sight to the patrons at the ExecutiveSuite lesbian bar in Long Beach, for Dandy it's most distressing thanks to the numerous stomps she pumps into his chest. COACH Think of what every state's greatest contribution to the OAOAST is. Rhode Island has given us Zack Malibu, Indiana has given us Alfdogg, Florida has given us Mister Moneymaker. What's California's greatest contribution to the OAOAST? Two screwed up chicks living a Thelma and Louise fantasy. Krissy scrapes El Dandy off the mat, and shoots him into the far ropes. However he reverses the hold, and her high heels are sent trotting to the cables. Upon her return he attempts to lacerate her with a lariat. But the Cali sex kitten uses his outstretched arm as a base to pull herself into the air and swing behind his expansive backside. Once she's horizontal across his body, she ties him into an inverted facelock, then kicks her legs out, punishing him with an inverted DDT. Dandy emits a blood curdling yelp, but it's quickly swept aside by the rush of crowd cheers. Feeling a pang of sympathy for the battered legend, Krista implores the crowd to show him love, “El Dandy, everybody!” “BOOOOOO!” “Uh, Spider Poet, everybody!” “BOOOOOO!” “Hmmm. Free beer, everybody!” “YEAAAAA!” “Just kidding, everybody!” “BOOOOO!” While the crowd grouses over the lack of free alcohol, Krista raises her rival upright. She leads him into her corner where she make a tag with Alix Spezia. Monstrous screams pour through the rafters at the sight of Hollywood Bad Girl. Ally certainly doesn't disappoint her fans, slingshotting herself over the ropes to lash her furry boots into Dandy's face. The man stumbles backwards, clutching his aggravated bones. His staggering is soon moved into a full sprint as Alix whips him across the ring. When he returns, his arm is nearly torn out it's socket and by a Japanese Arm Drag. Dandy rises to his feet rather quickly, but can do no more than that as Miss Spezia upends him with her trademark dropsault. While Dandy thuds into the canvas, Ally lands on her feet and immediately darts to the ropes. Rather then run to her foe, her limber body cartwheels back. When she nears him, she balls her frame into a shooting star press, crashing onto his portly stomach! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Silverman counts the resulting fall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But El Dandy kicks out and immediately rolls away from the brunette beauty. However, Alix is unrelenting in her assault, and hounds him across the ring, where her hands grabs onto his mask and haul him upright. But, Dandy calls upon a surge of energy in order to shove her into the corner posts. His follows her in with frenzied charge. Yet, these efforts yield little success, as Ally Cat greets his arrival with a boot to the face. As Dandy is left to careen backwards, the Cali sex kitten ascends to the second rope. Eventually the luchadore recovers enough of his strength to efforts another charge. That moment is when the culinary sensation leaps from her perch. Her arms coil around his thick neck, and her body twists him into a nauseating rotation, before she finally pummels his head against the canvas with the crowd thrilling Sucker Free DDT! Alix follows up with a pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Much to the audience's dismay, Dandy tears his shoulder from the canvas. Grousing in agony, he quickly rolls away from The Hollywood Bad Girl. But once again Alix stalks his movement, closing in on him to take hold of his mask. In an act of sheer desperation, Dandy latches onto her skimpy shorts, and propels her towards a neutral corner. Unable to halt her path, Ally trips over her clunky boots, and falls shoulder first into the steel turnbuckles. She instantly sags downward with a stunted scream, as her hand moves to clutch her aggrieved limb. Dandy wisely takes advantage of his foe's wounded state, venturing to his corner to apply a much needed tag with Poet. COLE Spider Poet was a man many predicated would one day become OAOAST world champion. Unfortunately his career in the OAOAST fell on hard times, culminating in his eventual release from the company after a 2004 feud with Black T. The audience's reception for SP is that of anticipated murmurs, many of them curious as to how SP will preform against this new generation of champion. Poet temporarily acquits himself against their skepticism as he unleashes a series of clubbing forearms upon Ally's bare back. The blows burn harshly, but the closed fists that follow hurt even worse, and manage to force our heroine into a vacant corner. Poet sadistically throws shoulder blocks into Ally's busty chest , forcing pained cries from the fan favorite. Brushing past the immense agony, Alix tries to fight her way free. However, the ex-champ is too powerful to overcome, and a brutally strong shoulder tackle subdues her efforts. As Alix whimpers under the duress, SP takes hold of her curly brown hair and casually dumps her to the canvas. COACH I hope every tag team in the back is thanking Mister Moneymaker. Because now they got to see how a real tag team performs. I hope The Gunslingers, D*LUX, Los Diablos and all them youngbloods is taking note of how hall of famers handle they bidness. Imitate this team ya'll. Imitate! Poet kneels to Alix's level and savagely drives his forearm into her windpipe. He watches cold heartedly as Ally's face contorts with pain and her throat bubbles soft noises of anguish. Alix's body begins thrashing on the canvas, as Poet places his gloves over her face, further suffocating her moans into incoherent gargles. The crowd demands that SP release their beloved starlet. But their orders do little more then motivate the grappler to increase the pressure on his chokehold. While the audience can't do much more then complain, Krista has the power for physical action. She charges into the ring and spikes her high heels into the face of Poet, pushing him away from Alix. Were she not restrained by Silverman, Miss California would unload a violent punishment upon Alix's tormentor. Instead she's forced back to her corner, spewing a steady stream of vulgarities. COACH I ain't getting these bitches. They could have any man in the world! I ain't gonna lie, I couldn't turn down they pussy if it was on fire, and my dick was dipped in gasoline. Truth.com Enraged at nearly being choked to death, Ally wastes no time in seeking retribution. She leaps into the air and drives a dropkick into the web design on Poet's back. The South Carolina native stumbles forward, clumsily draping himself over the ropes. With fire glowing in her eyes, Ally sprints towards her enemy with roaring elbow. But thanks to shout of “Look out!” from Dandy, Poet detects the blow and manages to slip off to the side. Not deterred by the avoidance, Ally Cat turns to face the former tag champ. Yet the 6'1 fighter uses his reach advantage to paste Alix with sharp right cross. The shot knocks the plucky babe off balance, and staggers her back several inches. However she doesn't move very far, as Poet grabs onto her forearm and flings her into the opposite direction. As she bounces off the ropes Poet's gloved hands weave around her slender waist and shoot her into the sky for a flapjack. But Alix's amazing agility counters this hold, as she extends her legs forward to wrap her tanned thighs across his neck. SP tries to worm his way free of her powerful legs, but by the time he makes any headway, The Hollywood Bad Girl is already dumping him over heels with a hurricanrana! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX! Poet rises to his feet, but he's stricken with a bout of disorientation, and can't hope to get a bead on the champion. However, he's made aware of her position in a most horffic manner. She streams forward and uses his knee as a launching pad to carry herself into the skies. As she nears his masked face, her fur covered boots flick out and pulverize his facial features. Through the mask's mesh webbing comes terrifying screams, as Poet plummets to the canvas. Alix doesn't seem overly concerned with his plight, however. Rather she focuses her attention by paying tribute to one of Krista's trademark gestures, by pulling a compact mirror from her top. Instead of admiring her beauty like Krissy, Alix channels the spirit of West Coast rapper Eazy E and sings, “I gotta get ma girl to rock that body, but before I left, I hit the bac-ardi. Went to her house to get her out of the pad,and the bitch said somethin that made me mad. She said somethin that I couldnt believe, so I grabbed the stupid bitch by her nappy-ass weave. She started talkin shit, wouldnt you know. I reached back like a pimp, slapped the hoe! And her father jumped up and he started to shout so I threw a right cross and knocked his old-ass out.” “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX! Upon finishing her NWA impression, Alix dips her body backwards to drive an elbow into SP's chest. From she efforts another pinfall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Poet shoots his shoulder away from the canvas, and soon his entire body follows suit. Ally hastily moves to follow him upright, but the former Trinity member shows incredible quickness by swinging behind her and cinching in a waistlock. Poet attempts to lift her into a German suplex, but her crazed thrashing and squirming, nixes his efforts, and she remains grounded. Free from his German Suplex for the time being, Ally latches onto his neck for a ¾ inverted facelock in hopes of nailing a stunner. But Poet has this counter well scouted and bests the lass by flipping her into the skies. With ¾ facelook still applied, Alix makes an attempt to hit a standing sliced bread #2. Once again, Poet is game for her tactics, as he shifts her petite body downwards into position for a tombstone piledriver! Desperate to avoid the fatal finisher, Ally laces her lovely legs around his neck, then tugs forward, flipping the stunned legend over with a head scissors! The capacity crowd roars their approval for Ally's showing, and she thanks them by “treating” them to more west coast rapping, this time by Bay Area hip-hoper E40, "Girl, I been shaking, sticking and moving tryna to get you and that booty" The crowd joins in because there is nothing more magical then 15,000 rednecks holding it down for the Yay Area, "Tryna get to you and that booty! Tryna get to you and that booty! "Girl, I been shaking and acting a donkey tryna to get you and that monkey," "Tryna to get you and that monkey! Tryna to get you and that monkey!" “Krista!” Ally screams pointing to her girl. If you thought middle aged white women from West LA couldn't rap, then Krista certainly proves you wrong, “What you gonna do when I bend the block? Pull up on that ass in a brand new drop. Speakers on blast with tremendous knock. TV's in the dash, rims just won't stop. “ Ally turns to Charles Robinson, “Charlie!” If you thought middle aged white men who are best known for looking like a sawed off Ric Flair can't rap, then Charles Robinson certainly proves you right, “Yeah I see you looking, looking. But my ass in these jeans got you shook, and I don't think you know what to do, with this pussy. What you gonna do, with this pussy? Yeah I know you want this, want this. Tryna chase me through the club for this good shit, good shit. But I don't think you can handle, this pussy. What you gonna do with this pussy?” THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE While the fans make mental notes to keep their distance from Robinson, Alix returns her attention towards SP, who's reclaiming his lost breath against the ring posts. She darts towards him, seeking a running dropkick. But before she can even leap into the sky, Poet's arms coil around her slender waist, and his body bridges backwards, tossing her over with a belly to belly suplex. Ally crashes into the turnbuckles with an impact that sends chills down the spines of the alarmed audience. “BOOOOO!” Pleased with the damage he's wrought, Poet makes a tag with partner El Dandy. Without so much as a word spoken between them the former champions conclude that it's Krista who should now bear the brunt of their beatings. They stride to her location, thinking they'll meet little trouble in shoving her off the apron. Their judgment proves erroneous as Miss California grabs onto their approaching heads and simply drops to the mats, impaling their necks on the cables. As the audience cheers their downfall, they lie on the floor, clutching their throats and gasping for air. Krissy eyes their downtrodden position, and realizes that this is the perfect time to bring Los Infernales' return to the oaoast to a close. She scampers back to the apron, and slingshots herself over the ropes so that she lands on the second cable. It's a position she doesn't hold for very long; she flings herself backwards and pummels her rivals with a majestic moonsault! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Wanting no piece of the ill tempered fitness queen, Poet rolls his carcass from the ring, leaving his partner to manage the fight. Dandy is led to his feet, and slung towards the ropes. However, he uses his strength advantage to overpower Krista into a reversal. She springs off the cables and nears El Dandy with legs extended into a hurricanrana. She tightens her limbs around his neck and bends backwards, but gets no farther then that, as Dandy exerts his raw power to remain upright. Suddenly, Krista has found herself in a precarious position, and an expression of pure panic rests behind cascading strands of hair. She frantically tries to worm her way free, but Dandy wraps his legs around her arms, trapping her in place. Seconds later, he violently jerks his body forward, punishing the champion with a Styles Clash. The high impact hold garners a reaction of disgusted fear, as the audience openly worries over her ability to kickout of the ensuing pinfall.. ONE TWO Krista alleviates the spectator's fears by escaping the pin. She rolls onto her stomach, in hopes of being able to push herself upright. But the basic movement is made all but impossible when Dandy crunches down on her with a front facelock. Krissy tries to squirm free of his grip, but the man instantly tightens his hold, rendering her efforts useless. With Miss California properly subdued, Dandy drags her towards a vertical base, where a firestorm of knees and uppercuts savage her face. As Krista is left a whimpering wreck by those strikes, Dandy is easily able to swing her free arm over his shoulder. Then he raises her into the sky, showing off amazing strength as he suspends her helpless frame in midair. Seconds after a dizziness settles into her mind, Dandy glides Krista downwards, so that her Kate Spade pumps drape over the top rope. Then Dandy jerks his figure backwards, violently yanking Krista from her perch on the ropes. Her head is spiked into the stone solid canvas, and her screams of woe are shortly joined by dismayed gasps from Ally and the audience. Assured that she can continue the fight no longer, Dandy drapes his arm over her heaving chest for a pinfall... ONE TWO Krissy yanks her body off the canvas, giving rise to massive pops from the sold out FedEx Froum. El Dandy can't believe his ill luck, but the two time tag champion, doesn't yield on his composure, and makes no complaints to the referee. Instead he lifts the bone weary blond to her feet, and picks her up as if we were attempting a powerslam. He holds the sub 150 pounder over one shoulder, and effortlessly cocks her lip arm into a hammerlock. The jolt on her arm draws out a full throated roar of pain. While she continues to mew in agony, Dandy throws her onto her shoulder with a hammerlock powerslam. The audience cringes in horror as they watch her arm get crushed under his paunchy bodyweight. Robinson drops into position to score the resulting fall... ONE TWO Once again Krista calls upon the strength to escape the fall. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” This latest escape causes Dandy's workman like quietude to disappear, and he dumps a wealth of anger upon the slow counting official. Once Robinson is suitably dressed down, Dandy brings Krista to her feet. He attempts to whip her into a neutral corner, but the exhausted covergirl gains her second wind, and reverses the hold. Dandy's back brutally smacks off the steel buckles, much to the onlooker's merriment. Krista tries to give them something else to cheer about, as she darts in for a body splash. But Dandy's yellow boot shoot upwards and catches her in the face, causing the blonde bombshell to stumble backwards in pain. Dandy works her wounded state to his advantage, using it to scale to the top turnbuckles. As he settles himself upon his perch a young girl in a “KRISTA IS MY HERO” t-shirt, assaults him with a barrage of taunts. He takes a moment to silence the child with gruff words, then flies off his nest with a crossbody block. Unfortunately the distraction of the girl bought Krissy enough time to recover, and the Hollywood sex kitten sweeps bellow his incoming body! COACH Oh no! Unlike Coach, the audience is prepared to applaud Dandy's disastrous crash into the canvas. But their hearts sink into their stomaches as they watch him land expertly on his feet. He promptly shoots towards Krista with a lariat, but she swings beneath the incoming missile and instantly spins behind his body. Her hands coil around his masked face, leading the more astute fans to roar in anticipation of her upcoming signature move. The rest of the audience soon joins in with their cheers as Dandy is driven downwards by the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse X-factor) YEAAAAAAA! Noticing the camera pointed at her lovely face, Krissy mouthes the words “That one is for you, Theo” as she hooks the left leg of her defeated foe. Robinson administers the pivotal count... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But The Spidahman darts into the squared circle and ends the pinfall, earning the sizable wrath of the audience. The fans are given a small measure of joy, however, when Krista leaps upright to plaster Poet with an elbow strike. She refocuses her attention on Dandy, who, despite an aching back, has risen upright. Unfortunately for the OAOAST legend, he's sent tumbling back towards the canvas by crowd thrilling spear by Krista! COLE Here's a question, Coach. Jewish people make up only two percent of the population. How many Jewish people do you know? COACH Shit, I don't know, a lot. COLE Right. And gays and lesbians make up ten percent of the population. So multiply the amount of Jews you know, and now think about how many gays you probably come across everyday of your life. COACH No. No. No...no..no..no..no...no.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! While Coach laments having to encounter a couple of gay people every other week, the exhausted Dandy heads upright. A cloak of constraining red descends upon his world when Krista clamps him into a headlock. He claws at her arms, but that does nothing to win him his freedom. Gasping for air, he plants his hand onto her luscious tush and shoves her into the nearby ropes. While this breaks the headlock, it allows the foxy mama to latch onto his arm and attempt an Irish Whip. However, Dandy's raw power out muscles the fitness queen, and she's sent hurtling into the cables. When she returns, Dandy makes an effort to slow the pace of the bout, by trapping her into a sleeper hold. The pedestrian move last for all of .000000001 seconds before Miss California annihilates him with a Side Effect! As the crowd salutes the showy move, Dandy's world smokes into a blackness. COLE What a move from the current champ to the old champ! COACH Get up Dandy! I don't want to have to refer to the Los Infernales conference in the Anderson Cup as The Chicks Over Dicks conference. Apparently two offensive moves is enough to satisfy Krista's appetite, and she decides to allow Alix back into the bout. Krissy gracefully strides across the space that separates them, and tilts her head down from her greater height. Alix arches her boots and elevates herself to sweetly plant her darling lips onto Krissy's cheek, which in West Hollywood constitutes a tag. “Awwww!” Krista quickly breaks the affectionate mood by telling Alix, “TGIF: I'm off to get hammered.” “It's still Thursday!” “Early bird catches the breathalizer. Good luck, baby.” While Krista scans the audience for beer she can swipe, Ally is left to deal with El Dandy. The hall of famer cuts the distance between them with two quick strides; his arm extended into a lariat. Easily and contemptuously, Ally slips away from his strike, and grabs onto his mask in order to hurl him over the ropes. Much to her and the audience's dismay, Dandy lands with his feet teetering on the edge of the apron. The Hollywood Bad Girl quickly moves to dislodge him from her fragile perch, tumbling over his bulky frame with a sunset flip power bomb. The audience bellows in anticipation for the destruction of Dandy, but they're severely disappointed as the man latches onto the ropes to preserve his health. COACH This is a guy who nearly died at Anglemania II against the Miracle Weirdness Connection, you're not going to see him go down so easily! Alix isn't disheartened by his avoidance of a disastrous plummet, and instead grabs onto his baggy tights to yank him off the apron. The unexpected attack blasts Dandy into the mats, smashing the breath out of his lungs. He has nary a moment to stomach his horrible pain before Ally Cat peels him off the floor and deposits him into the ring. Dandy rolls his carcass towards the center of the mat, wishing to buy himself a moment to recover his strength. This is a wish that goes ungranted, however, as Alix sprints towards his rising figure. She spins and whirls, and a razor sharp leg lariat slices through his face. As the spectators cheer her painful strike, the groggy legend works his way upright. Furious elbows slice through his defenses, permitting her to trap him into the setup for the TRUE LIFE: I just got beat up by a girl. But Dandy frantically fights her off, succeeding in shoving her towards the ropes. Poet unleashes a fierce knee strike while the girl is still on the run, causing her to lurch towards Dandy in a great deal of duress. The former tag champ pounces upon Alix and drives her backwards with a single arm DDT. So disgusted by Poet's intrusion, Krista chucks her beer bottle at his head! Unfortunately, he narrowly avoids her crazed attack. Robinson decides to let the unusual action slide in order to score Dandy's fall. ONE TWO Alix kicks out, letting the fans release their held breathes. They soon take up the task of rallying their fallen starlet with chants “LET'S GO ALIX!” Though they sing their hearts out, Los Infernales retain complete control of the bout as Dandy applies the tag to SP. COLE Spider Poet is the more decorated member of the team, having a run with a singles belt to his credit. Really was one of more versatile superstars, and will be one of our more well paid superstars if he pulls off the victory tonight. Moneymaker offering a two million dollar winning bonus in addition to the guaranteed three million. Poet steps into the squared circle, and immediately slams an elbow into Alix's jaw. The Hollywood Bad Girl is thrust backwards by the powerful shot. However, she's granted no chance to return fire as Poet throws her to the canvas with a judo shoulder throw. Left dazed by the dizzying attack, Ally is powerless to prevent her rival from snatching her into a pump handle armbar. The hold stings fiercely and Alix can't help but allow tears to stream down her cheeks. Hearing the soft weeping of his foe causes the fiendish brute to yank harder on her arm, causing her to break into full sobs. As the fans that once revered him pelt him with jeers, Poet scoots backwards, almost sitting upon her weakened shoulder. He continues to inch backwards, delightfully aware of the fact that every time he moves farther back, the pressure of the hold mounts. What he fails to note is that every time he moves back, he pushes Ally closer to the cables. Thus it's with great surprise and disgust when his rival reaches the salvation of the cables. “YEAAAAAA!” yell the fans. Disgusted with the escape, Poet breaks the hold and retreats towards the center of the ring. His moment of mercy towards Alix is short lived, however, as he obliterates her wounded arm with a series of stomps. The fans boo, and Robinson pleads for sportsmanship, but as Alix no longer has a hold of the ropes, his attacks are perfectly legal. Lips peeling into a snarl, Poet grabs Ally's chocolate locks, and uses them as a leash to drag her into his corner. He drapes Alix's injured limb over the orange ropes, and barks orders to El Dandy. Without a second of hesitation, Dandy grabs onto Ally's hand and leaps from the apron, snapping her limb downwards. The fans cry out in disgust, as the treacherous double team leaves Alix's arm a useless husk of torn muscles. “BOOOOO!” Krista complains, “Robinson if you didn't see that, you either need to get glasses or get introduced to a 12 gauge. Preferably the later!” Underneath the mesh mask Poet's expression flares with fury, as he guides Alix towards the center of the ring. He underhooks her tender limb, then does the same to the opposite arm. The Hollywood Bad Girl stages a valiant effort to wiggle her way free of his clutches, grabbing onto his leather tights and attempting to just drag him downwards. However her efforts generate little results, and he effortlessly yanks on her injured arm, lifting her upside down into the sky. He stalls for several seconds, then abruptly dives towards his side, crushing that injured shoulder against the mat. Ally is shocked wide awake by the unbelievable agony, and buries her weeping face into the sweat stained canvas. COACH Mister Moneymaker is a genius! Moneymaker knew he had to go back to the golden era of the division to best these false champions. Now his wisdom is fully paying off. Leaving Alix to shriek and wail, Poet ventures to the top rope. The audience turns their attention from the battered covergirl towards her assailant, attacking him with vulgarities and taunts. He pays them little mind, and flings his body from his perch with the trademark SPIDAHSAULT~!! Amid of a ringing chorus of hatred, the three time tag champ crashes into Alix, and instantly hooks the leg for a pinfall.... ONE TWO But Krista destroys the fall by chucking a beer can at Poet! Befuddled, Robinson looks towards Krissy with confused eyes. But Miss California proclaims her innocence by putting on a “Wasn't me!” expression and pointing towards a quadriplegic in the front row. For his part, Poet decides to ignore the fact that he just got pelted with a beer can, and nonchalantly makes the tag with Dandy. When he enters the ring, the quasi luchadore swoops upon the grieved maiden with side head lock. As her brown hair streams over his arms, Dandy roughly hitches her upright. He grabs onto her sore shoulder, and locks it into an underhook that drags tortured screams from her throat. Her wails grow even more heart wrenching when he tightens the underhook and wrenches her chin sideways. Dandy then sharply rotates his hips, and dives towards his side. The moaning champion soars through the sky, her downfall only halted once her shoulder collides with the canvas. The scream that the move forces from her throat dies as a high pitched bubbling in her throat, as Dandy muffles her with a pinfall... ONE COLE Los Infernales could have their first tag team titles in four years! TWO The crowd is ecstatic to watch Ally triumphantly thrust her way out of the pinfall. The shocking escape does little to disparage Dandy's spirits, however, as he carefully positions himself behind the broken girl. His fingers crack, and his rotund body trembles in excitement as he impatiently demands she raise upright. Once she reaches a sitting position, Dandy quickly skates forward and horsewhips his left boot into her wounded arm. The sound of leather slicing through flesh is gruesome, and reverberates throughout the venue. But the sounds of Alix's tormented cries is even worse, and degenerates the audience into shouting and ranting lunatics. Beneath their jeers is the noise of Robinson's hand pounding the mat to score the resulting fall... ONE TWO Somehow Ally manages to evade certain defeat, delighting her mammoth fanbase. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Dandy forces Alix to stand up on her own power, forcing the SoCal babe to expend what remains of her energy. As she rises, he terrorizes her with elbow strikes, alternating between lefts and right. After the tenth strike the veteran grabs her arm and attempts to sling her to the ropes. She surprises both he and the audience, with a reversal, putting him on the run. Fortunately, his partner possesses enough awareness to hop off the apron and grab his ankle to prevent him from returning to vengeance lusting Alix. Annoyed over having her attack halted, The Hollywood Bad Girl dashes at him with demonic speed. He tries to stave her off with a lunging lariat. Yet the sex kitten avoids the deathly strike by dropping into a soccer slide tackle. Ally wildly careens between Dandy's legs, out of the ring and into Poet's face! Not expecting her arrival, SP is flung into the steel barricade, knocking it back several inches. As the fans sing her name, Ally's snowboots leap onto the ring apron. She then returns herself back into the ring with a springboard dropkick to Dandy's nose! “YEAAAA!” Ally attempts a pinfall.... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Dandy kicks out well before the three count, disappointing the FedEx Forum. COACH You ain't gonna pin Dandy with just a dropkick! While Dandy rolls onto his stomach to protect his brutalized face, Ally departs to a neutral corner. She springs onto the second turnbuckle, and without delay, launches herself towards Dandy with a moonsault. But much to the audience's and Krista's horror, Dandy twists his body onto it's back, and sucks his knees into his chest. Ally sees this counter well ahead of time, but in her current position she can do nothing but brace herself for the disgusting impact that awaits her. Too horrified for Alix's afflicted welfare to watch, Krista turns away as Alix's jaw meets Dandy's knee in a head on collision. COLE Ouch! With bold shrieks of pain seeping through the hand that covers her injured mouth, Alix stands up. Unyielding in his assault, Dandy pulverizes Alix with his second single arm DDT! COACH Los Infernales are closing in on another tag title reign. Thank god, for that. I'm tired of the OAOAST being the WNBA with better looking lesbians. “Superjew” Stern is using us as some kind of WNBA D-League! Once Alix learns to drain the three, the Los Angeles Sparks'll be running they offense right through her. All on her own, Alix begins to scrape her mauled figure from the canvas, steeling herself to wage war against these fearsome legends. But the battle is won by El Dandy before Alix can even get to her feet, as he ties her arms around his legs, and reaches over her shoulder to pulverize her bare stomach with crazed forearm shots. Being the girlfriend of a fitness queen, Ally has mighty strong abs. However, that doesn't change the fact that the blows burn tremendously, and her bewailing face is perfect evidence of this. Thrilled with the damage he's caused, Dandy shoves Alix into the mat for another pinfall... ONE TWO Alix kicks out in pure desperation, and her hand instantly extends towards Krista, begging for a tag. Face wrought with agony for Ally's plight, Krista pleads with Ally to inch closer to their corner. But this turns into a frustratingly impossible task when Dandy traps her into a kneeling armbar. Dandy rips slowly, at her arm, as though each tweak could rip away a raw hunk of her own flesh. Unable to do anything besides lend Ally moral support, Krista decides to do that lone job as best she can. She uses her fitness model exuberance to bounce across the ring apron, and whip the crowd into a frenzy for her girl. Her efforts are a smashing success and the audience sings, “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” COLE Los Infernales are exploiting the injured arm of Alix Spezia. The six foot El Dandy using an armbar. Dandy ignores the roar of the crowd and continues to torture the west coast beauty. His submission is like a hammer taken to crystal crushing her limb into useless dust. Robinson strains to make himself heard when he asks her if she wishes to submit. The answer is no, but it's not a strong refusal. Her voice fades into an empty sigh, and her tear stained face sags back into the canvas. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Spurred on by the show of love from Krista and the fans, Alix makes a frantic bid to secure her freedom. She takes Dandy's unattacking arm in a grip of desperate strength, and uses it as a crutch to haul herself upright. The sudden movement of his once defeated foe, spills gloom and despair into Dandy's mind, and he struggles to tighten his hold. His efforts are for naught, however, as Ally uses the arm that assisted her upright to pummel him with a crowd thrilling TRUE Life: I just got beat up by a girl (STO). “YEAAAAAA!” The arm bar is shattered into nothingness, and with it out goes Dandy's will to fight, as he instantly begins crawling towards the outstretched hand of Spider Poet. Krista and everyone who isn't affiliated with The Enterprise, is on hands and knees begging Alix to make the tag. With Dandy too concerned with self preservation, Ally's progression is a bit easier then usual. However, the energy is all but drained from her as she fights through the arduous trek to her corner. The fiesty covergirl uses what little strength she has left to spring forward and makes the tag to Krista! The crowd erupts with bloodthirty jubilation as they are acutely aware that the devil herself is set to unleash hell on Los Infernales! A festering cauldron of pure hate, Krista jumps into the ring, issuing a full throated roar that sends the crowd into the further frenzy. Poet, mysteriously unhindered by the ref in his entrance into the ring, has the misfortune of encountering the California Hellcat first. The former Trinity member attempts to clam her with surprise sunset flip. But Krissy doesn't even entertain the thought of going down, instead choosing to go up for a double stomp. Poet avoids having her heels stab through his eye sockets, by rolling onto his stomach, causing her to miss. This merely makes her even madder, and she leaves an imprint of his her spiked heels on his neck with a second double stomp! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”, sings the audience as Krista plays to her own beauty by arrogantly tousling her shimmering locks. With Krista distracted by pummeling his partner with stomps, Dandy seeks to utilize the power of surprise. The luchadore races towards the ropes, bouncing off in preparation for one of his many high speed attacks. Unfortunately for him, Krissy swings her gorgeous legs off the mat, wheeling them around as Dandy returns to blast him with a spinning wheel kick! Within the shadow of the mask that cloaks his face, the crowd can see gleams of crimson goo, and they erupt with delight over his suffering. Poet obviously does not partake in the Tennesseans joy, and seeks to gain a measure of revenge with an Irish whip. A hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of Kris' labored lungs, and she groggily staggers towards a SPIDAHKICK~!. But she sweeps beneath the fatal finisher, and pulls her figure behind Poet. She then sinks a tight grip onto his face, locking him into place! From there she executes the lethal Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one!! Poet's leather bound body smacks off the canvas , and his shouts are joined by raucous cheers of the audience. COLE Moneymaker has to be beside himself right now! Rather then attempt a pin, as most would expect , Krissy choses to treat the fans to an aerial display. She points towards the corner, and flashes a sly smile towards the roaring crowd. The angelic goddess exits the ring, and scurries to highest point of the turnbuckles. The audience rises to their feet, and cloaks the arena in a white glow with their camera flashes. “Krista to traffic control, I'm coming in for a landing!” She hollers, before departing her perch with picture perfect 450 splash. She becomes a smear of flashing gold and black darkness, hurtling towards Poet. He exerts an effort to move away, but her billion dollar body gracefully curls from the air and explodes upon his chest! COLE The current tag champ is taking it right to the old ones! While the audience honors her showing with overjoyed applause, Krista springs to her feet. She assumes a crouched position, eyes narrowed into predatory slits, waiting for Poet to rise so that she may devastate him with a spear. The Memphis crowd is thrown into a frenzy by Krissy's promises of destruction. As she watches the bruised legend slink to an unsteady base, she slashes forward to strike. However her efforts are thrown awry by the interference of El Dandy, who volleys a lariat her way. While she expertly avoids the strike, she has no luck in evading his dropkick! The fans are overtaken with annoyance for Dandy's actions, and pollute the air with their hatred. Despite the fact that El Dandy is actually the legal man, Robinson hastily orders him from the ring. COACH That right there, Cole, is what being two time-two time tag team champions gets you! COLE Alix and Krista are three time-three time-three time tag team champions, so what does that say? Regardless, Dandy got off that amazing dropkick just seconds before Krista could connect with her spear. What a momentum stopper that was, and now Poet is waiting to hit his version of the superkick. There's a colorless glare in Poet's eyes, as his gloves snap against the mat, and his gruff southern accent demands Krista stand up. She acquiesces to his orders, groggily moving past a confused haze to head to her feet. Poet instantly flourishes to his foe, slashing at her with a SPIDAHKICK~!. But a the blond bombshell counters his finisher by springing upwards to strike him with an enziguri! Poet's world descends into a chaotic blur as the move tumbles him into the canvas. COLE The Spiderkick just got countered! Poet's sweat stained eyes instantly move to get a read on Krista's location, only that find, that she's suddenly venturing to her corner. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” As Dandy's dropkick is the only actual move she's been afflicted with, Krista's late match trip to the corner isn't as dramatic as usual. Moving with great urgency and speed, she reaches her corner, and slaps hands Alix Spezia. The capacity crowd goes nuclear for Alix's arrival, nearly taking the roof off the arena with their cheers! The roar of the crowd leads Poet to step upright and assume a defensive posture against the charging beauty. Unfortunately this defensive posture is all but useless, as Alix leaps forward to overtake him with the Burning Sensation When You Urinate]! The powerful move blasts away his universe, and he falls into a permanent blackness. “YEAAAA!” With Poet totally incapacitated, a giddy Alix stands at his side and puts her big ol' bootay on dutay. Alix pumps and grinds her delicious ass, her savory golden brown BUTT cheeks clapping in beauty that Da Vinci would've sunk to his knees and rejoiced over. Listen to Beethoven's 9th symphony with your eyes closed when the "Ode to Joy" hits open your eyes and experience this fantastic ass. The Sistine Chapel of ass. As millions rush for the charmins and Johnson & Johnson, Alix and hurls herself at whathisface with a standing moonsault. A pin follows..... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE!! But WAIT! Robinson is pulled out of the ring by Christian Wright! Standing behind The Natural is Simon Singleton, videotaping the proceedings for posterities sake. COLE Where the heck did he come from? COACH From heaven! Those fans who aren't livid with anger, ask the same thing as Cole. But they're given no answers from The Enterprise members, only more reasons to be outraged as they watch Wright slug Robinson in the jaw! With Robinson KO'ed by the punch, a chortling Wright robs him of his orange referee shirt, prompting the crowd to chant “PLEASE DON'T RAPE HIM! PLEASE DON'T RAPE HIM!” CW hastily puts on the referee's shirt, and dives into the ring, followed by an eager Singleton. COLE He's no referee! While Alix and Krista lodge the same complaints, Dandy is quick to take advantage of Wright's assistance ; he slips behind the grousing champ and stuns her with a roll up. CW performs what may be the fastest count in OAOAST history. ONETWOTHREE!! No! Alix performs a minor miracle in escaping the questionable fall! Both competitors head to their feet at the same moment, but Alix who strikes first and strikes last by shoving the luchadore into Simon's camera! “My Siclopse!” Simon whines, not overly bothered by the fact that his camera may have botched The Enterprise's operation. Eyes rolled into the back of his head, Dandy topples himself into a full nelson by Alix. She wraps her leg around his, then slings his entire body forward imprinting his mask design on the canvas with her finisher You Have Died of Dysentery (full nelson face crusher)! “YEAAAAAAA!” Dandy lies a burnt out husk on the mat, a vanquished victim of the new generation of tag superstars. All he has left to do in the OAOAST is lie in perfect harmony while Alix pins him and the official makes the count. But Wright doesn't make the count. COLE What is he doing? He's not even a real official! The fans, and COD, are understandably exasperated by Wright's unfair officiating. However, he attempt to justify his refusal, “The adoption of unfamiliar habiliments, doth pertaining to a jocular nature has.... BAM! Alix silences the tedious super star with a superkick that propels him from the ring and deposits him onto the outside mats. Besieged by a terrible headache, Wright is only able to lie motionless and listen to the bevy of taunts that surround him. Back in the ring, Alix retries her pin attempt, and motions towards the backstage area to send her a referee. Her prayers are hastily as Nick Patrick darts down the ramp. Joined by a chorus of cheers, he slides into the ring, past a Simon and his Siclopse, and administers the crucial count. CROWD ONE COACH Ned, CPA, Mister Moneymaker, save us from the lesbians! CROWD TWO CROWD THREE! The audience puts the exclamation point on that final count with an electrifying ovation. Girlfriend returns to the speakers as it has for every tag title match since the start of the year. Above the elated noise comes the voice of Michael Buffer with the winning announcement. BUFFER Your winner and still OAOAST world tag team champions.... CROWD CHICKS OVER DICKS! COACH Oh, Mister Moneymaker! I'm sorry! God, I'm so sorry! You deserved better, sir. So much better. While cheers from the fans fill the venue, the girls embrace in celebration of their monumental achievement. Patrick slips the titles into Krista's hands, then quickly goes to check on Robinson's health. For her part, Ally hoists Krista into sky, and swings her around while Krista gleefully holds the pair of championships into the sky. Elsewhere the defeated hall of famers retreat through the stands, passing respectful salutes towards those fans who appreciate their accomplishments within the OAOAST. COLE How about that? Out with the old and in with the new, Coach! Score one for today's tag teams, an enormous victory for the current generation of tag teams. They say what goes up must come down, and the mood of the sold out audience is no different. The atmosphere significantly darkens when the remaining members of The Enterprise are seen trotting down the rampway. Their deathly march is reminiscent of Strom Troopers from Star Wars, but their intentions are more vile then even Darth Vader could conceive. COLE They don't belong out here! Smiles faded from their faces, the girls prepare to wage war against these less then pleasant odds. Unfortunately, their opponents refuse to fight fair, and the previously docile Singleton and Wright strike them down with swipes of the Siclopse and their fists. The champions hit the canvas with a sharp thud, drawing concerned gasps from their legion of fans. Ever the resilient one, Krista staggers to her feet. As she reels, the world spinning around her, something warns her at the last second as Ned's rock hard fist comes swinging into her field of vision. But she's not fast enough to dodge it. It connects hard, and she stumbles backwards, only to have the fist of Simon drive her back the other direction. Desperate, she leaps into a dropkick, but CPA's mammoth frame slams into her. This time the impact sends Krista against the turnbuckle, knocking the wind clear out of her. On the outside, Mackie and Jade watch with totally different expressions. Jade couldn't care less for the plight of her former best friends, while Mackenzie maintains some concern for Ally and Krissy. “BOOOOO!” COLE Damn it somebody do something! The fans know exactly who they want to make the rescue and chant, “LEON! LEON! LEON!” Alix scampers to her feet, but is caught by CPA's hand, wrapped tightly around her throat, yanking her through the air. She crashes into the canvas, smacking her face off the stone solid surface. Ned moves towards her side, savagely pumping an unceasing torrent of stomps into her battered arm. The world turns into a red haze around her, and in the distance she hears Moneymaker screaming “Destroy her now!”. Going on the assumption that Moneymaker isn't referring to Jade, Alix assumes he's talking about her. Sure enough, a shadow looms over the struggling diva. It's that of CPA, bigger then godzilla, and ten times more dangerous. Suddenly a mighty shout of jubilation springs through the stands. The abrupt sense of joy is brought on by D*LUX, and a chair wielding Leon Rodez rushing down the ramp. At the sight of his hated enemies, Moneymaker orders his crew to fortify their ranks. As he watches Simon leap out of the ring and cowardly head for the hills, he's quickly realizes his boys aren't up for a fair fight, and changes his commands to that of retreat. Wright doesn't think twice about answering the command, diving from the ring, and joining Simon in departure through the crowd. COLE Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy guts! Mackenzie retreats behind the announce table, unable to shield her concern for Alix and Krista. Ned grabs the hand of a disinterested Jade Rodez and takes flight through the stands. Unfortunately for Ned his escape route is soon trailed by Leon Rodez, to the delight of the audience. With the weapon toting Leon distracted by Ned and Jade, Moneymaker demands that the remaining member of The Enterprise, CPA, stand and fight. It's a request that's granted in spirit, but not in reality, as the boybanders chop the big man down with springboard lariats! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Alright D*LUX! Moneymaker is quick to realize that CPA may not be able to overcome this numbers disadvantage, and hurriedly drags him out of the ring. With Mackenzie in tow, CPA and Moneymaker retreat up the ramp. Moneymaker stays silent, except for a growl of frustration, but CPA mouth launches a plethora of threats at the boybanders. However, D*LUX pays them no mind, instead focusing on the health of the tag team champions. Somehow, through their expert medical knowledge, they both determine that Krista needs immediate CPR, which prompts Krista to shoot off the canvas and yell “Nope, I'm fine!” The situation grows even more annoying for her when Rescue 911 enters the ring to administer assistance and decides the same thing, only they believe they should be the ones to administer CPR. Elsewhere Leon continues his frantic hunt of Ned and Jade. Dragged like a sack, Jade is cut through the swamp of audience by Ned's frantic movements. The same audience members are mowed down just seconds later by the running Leon. Fraught with panic, Ned steps up the pace in his retreat, weaving Jade to and fro. Any audience member with an object in his hand, cups, cotton candy, finds it quickly removed and enlisted as a missile in the war against Leon. The Grand Rapids Golden Child effortlessly swats these bombs away, and increases the ferocity of his pursuit. Unfortunately things get rather messy when Ned tries to lose himself within a wave of arena security. The guards, fearing an outbreak of violence from the fans, ask Leon to show some restraint. He shows them the back of his chair. THWACK! THWACK! Guards are mowed down with deadly precision by Leon. COACH What the hell is he doing!? THWACK! A redwood of a man is felled by Leon's rampage. THWACK! Then another! At this point, Ned realizes the guards are nothing more but pylons to be crushed by the razor sharp rage of Mister Rodez. Thusly he pulls Jade along as though they were running from a ticking time bomb. The time bomb explodes. Leon hurls his chair right at Blanchard. Jade finds out why her brother's tryout for the Detroit Tigers failed miserably, as his projectile falls short of it's mark. Jade throws up her hands to try and ward the descending warhead off. Too slow. The bomb detonates on her face, blasting her backwards onto the harsh concrete. COACH That idiot! How on god's green earth can you sit here and defend that no good piece of shit time and time again like he was sent from the heavens above? Jade hits the floor, the nerve endings in her face burning as though they were on fire. Despite the boos of the audience, It takes Ned a moment to realize what fate has befallen Jade. Then her horrified, sustained scream clues him into what terrible events have transpired. Leon wishes to rush to her aid, but without his chair, all he can do is watch helplessly as security drags him away. COLE Good god. I haven't agreed with Jade's choice of company or her actions, but getting hit in the face by a chair thrown by her brother....that's awful. I know it was accident... COACH Accident my ass! Who cares even if it was an accident? That idiot goes Bruce Willis on security guards, pushes fans down, then throws a chair at his own sister! COLE He was aiming for Ned. It's been a very trying couple of months for Leon, and with this latest incident I can only imagine it's going to get worse. Folks, I apologize for the way the show has ended, please check with OAOAST.com with updates on Jade. We'll see you next week. GOOD NIGHT SWEET WORLD

OAOAST HeldDOWNis brought to you by... Yaz-Beyond Birth Control Verizon-It's the network And By..... Best Buy-More Ways To Shop In a flash, we're transported backstage, where outside the arena The South Central Militia are stood, outside of a jet black limousine. Leant up against the limo is Landon Maddix, holding a handful of bills, which he is busy counting out into the outstretched hand of Vincent Santana. Marcellus Wallace already has his wad of cash and is eyeing it carefully. MADDIX 280... 290... and, that's three hundred. Gentlemen, a pleasure doing business with you. SANTANA Yo, 'amigo', this better not be no Mexican money. We wanna cash this stash in, ya heard? WALLACE Yeah, we ain't dealin' in no foreign exchange. It all about the dollar dollar bill. MADDIX ...yep, that's whatever you just said for ya. The SCM glance at each other and grunt. MADDIX Well, now that the formalities have been taken care of, I actually have got places to be this time. So I guess I'll be seeing you two 'homeboys' around. In an attempt to be 'down', Landon tries to guide Moe through a long and convoluted handshake sequence. Wallace looks a little bemused as La Cucaracha even goes so far as to add the SPRINKLE~ at the end. Landon then thinks about doing the same to Vinny, but reading the disinterested look on his face, he settles for a simple fist pump. WALLACE Listen, this Malibu cracka... he don't get the message, you know who to call on. SANTANA Terms an' conditions applyin', natch'. You got the beans, we gots the means. We ain't gonna back down from no fight, but me an' Moe, we like breakin' faces that bit mo' when we gots Ben Franklin along for the ride. Holla atcha boi! MADDIX Listen, don't you two worry about Zack Malibu. I've got a feeling you'll be seeing plenty more of him. Some dogs, they just don't know when to stay down after a good kicking. Which is when you gotta pull the Ol' Yella on them, if you catch my drift. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a plane to catch... (Landon enters the limo) ... Landon Maddix has left the building! The limo screeches off as soon as the door shuts behind Landon (thankfully not exploding in the process, I hope I haven't referenced that too many times this week), leaving The South Central Militia to count their 'takings' for the night. COLE Well, I guess that explains it. Landon Maddix paid off The South Central Militia to do his dirty work for him! COACH It wouldn't be the first time Moe and Vinny made a little on the side, if you know what I mean. COLE The South Central Militia, no qualms, they'll take anyone's blood money I guess. They might have delved themselves in far deeper than they ever expected though. Trust me, I know Zack Malibu and Zack isn't one to let indiscretions go unpunished. Landon definately hasn't, but Vinny and Moe might not have seen the last of our World Champion either. I just hope it was worth it. COACH Pssh, of course it was! 600 dollars? Most people would lay out Zack for a third of that! COLE And most people would pay 600 dollars to lay you out, what's your point? Well, anyway folks, it's time to go into the ACTION ZONE! OAOAST ACTION ZONE We find ourselves inside the state of the art production studios of OAOAST Entertainment, a technological wonderland compromised of video walls and TV monitors. More impressive to the home viewer, however, is MAGGIE NERDLY. MAGGIE Hey y’all, me again, back on the tube with the latest 411 on the 6th annual Great Angle Bash. Regarded as one of the elite 4 pay-per-view events of the year, some of the most memorable and shocking moments in OAOAST history have occurred at the Bash, which is set to hit the airwaves on Sunday night June 24th. Now, the event is already sold out, so if you want to see the card headlined by the clash of champions -- Zack Malibu defending his OAOAST Championship against SWF Champion Landon Maddix -- you gotta call your local cable or satellite provider and order, like…right now y’all! What are you waiting for? More? You want more?! Like the clash of champions wasn’t enough to plunk down $40? Hmm, okay, how about this -- the Mardi Gras HomeWrecking Crew vs. the Heavenly Rockers AND the Lone Star Gunslingers in a triple threat match for the HI-YAH World tag team championship! LOGAN (Off-Screen) Ludicrous. Ludicrous sayeth Logan Usher Mann! MAGGIE Alongside a noticeably concerned HOLLY-WOOD, the HEAVENLY ROCKERS grace us with their presence. MAGGIE Oh, my gosh! How cool is this? I was just telling the people at home about your match at the Great Angle Bash. LOGAN And I just told you how ludicrous it is. Our beef is with Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul, not the Lone Star Gunslingers. For them to say we’re jealous of them, nervous about our spot in the hearts and minds of fans worldwide, I ask you this, Maggie Nerdly: Who weaseled their way into a high stakes pay-per-view match? MAGGIE Um, the Lone Star Gunslingers? SYNTH Yo, Mann, this Nerdly chick got her head on straight. Nothing like that other one. MAGGIE Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking about! And her team has as much beef with Soul and de Janeiro as you do. As a matter of fact, they might actually have MORE beef with YOU than they do them. SYNTH Dat right? MAGGIE Yeah! LOGAN To think, that little old lady was 20 years before her time. ‘Cause all the beef is gonna be in the ring at the Bash! HI-YAH tag team titles on the line. We said it then and we’ll say it now, it was never about the belts, but now that the greatest rock ’n’ wrestling band of all time have a shot at winning some hardware, it’s just the extra bit of motivation we need. MAGGIE Holly, let me ask you a question. LOGAN You got a question, direct it towards me or Synth. Got it? Holly’s got nothing to say. MAGGIE Who do you think you are, “Macho Man” Randy Savage? LOGAN I’m the “Macho MACHO” Mann! Ain’t that right Holly? SYNTH LOGAN Warning to everyone watching: The Great Angle Bash and the HI-YAH tag team championship will be the Heavenly Rockers first step to regaining the OAOAST World tag team titles! Logan stuns the viewing public by performing a double bicep pose. Not to be outdone Synth jams on his air guitar as we return to the arena. COLE Bit of weird behavior for Logan Mann, I must say. He and Holly have always had a pretty equal relationship, it's just strange that he would keep her from talking like that. Even stranger that she would take it, because Holly is a tough woman! Regardless fans I have to change the subject a bit and inform you that at The Great Angle Bash, Anglesault will have a major announcement regarding the OAOAST and it's relationship with the HI-YAH promotions. You don't want to miss it. But let's not get to far ahead of ourselves as our mainevent, the long awaited return of Los Infernales is coming up next. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT America's Sweethearts against OAOAST Legends ****OAOAST World Tag Team Titles**** Chicks Over Dicks Vs Los Infernales NEXT

The view is transported backstage where Terry Taylor stands with Krista Isadora Duncan. While Terry looks like someone asking to be robbed and shot four times, Krista shows off the summer's dopest fashion, with butter colored True Religion jeans, and Harajuku Lovers t-shirt featuring the 70's chic imprint of an afroed Asian woman. TAYLOR Girls...wait...what...girl. Krista, where's Alix? ALIX (from the janitor's closet) In here, dude! TAYLOR Alix why are you in a janitor's closet? ALIX Krista, said if I wanted to make myself useful I could spend the night in the janitor's closet! TAYLOR Well, that's a bit better then when she told me I'd “best serve humanity by French kissing the exhaust of her running Porsche”, after I walked on that awful blind date she set me up with. KRISTA When I asked you if you knew what transgendered meant, you said yes! TAYLOR Well, my mistake! Now girls, a lot of our fans are very sympathetic to the discrimination you face not only within the oaoast, but in the world in general. However, most of our fans don't encounter many lesbians in their everyday life. And going off some of the Internet fanfics I've read, I'm hoping they don't encounter many people period! But, the OAOAST is hoping that you could shed some light on the lesbian experience for them. KRISTA Lesbian experience, huh? I see your mother found your “secret stash” again. TAYLOR The disturbing part is that damn corpse sniffing police dog she got uncovered it! But regardless, I'd like to ask you when was the first time you realized you were a lesbian? KRISTA When I wore this to prom.... KRISTA I'm the one in the white. Sweet fantasies, Terry. TAYLOR Yes...well...yes. Um, Alix, how about you? When did you first realize you were into..ahem..girls? ALIX (from the janitor's closet) When I masturbated to Doctor Crusher from Star Trek! Hey-ya, doctah, how's about a double dose of those double d's? With that comment Terry contemplates putting down the microphone and seeking out the nearest bottle of baby oil. TAYLOR I..I..um..uh..yes..well...uh..uh...uh... SLAP TAYLOR Thank you, Krista. Uh, Alix, can you come out of the closet? ALIX I just did! TAYLOR No, Alix, can you come out of the actual janitor's closet? Alix steps out the closet, wearing the actual janitor's uniform. TAYLOR Now that you're both here, it's my understanding you have a very special treat lined up for us tonight. Something very unusual, even for the both of you. Care to share, girls? KRISTA Terry Taylor, in honor of Theo Moneymaker, the polestar of human evil, and the man who makes Pol Pot look like Tom Hanks on the nice guy scale, and in honor of Bud Light, the best anti-depressant I've dropped out of rehab six times for, we've written a little song, and become the hottest singing lesbian duo since...well, we're the only lesbian singing group. Ever. That's okay, listen to our song, anyway. Maestro, if you will. As there isn't actually a Maestro to speak of, everyone just kind stands around for a couple seconds. ALIX (in deep announcer voice) Bud Light presents, real men of genius. KRISTA (singing) Real men of genius! ALIX Today we salute you Mister Really Homophobic and Racist guy. KRISTA (singing) Mister Really Homophobic and Racist guy. ALIX Never mind the fact we're fighting a war that has cost the lives of thousands of men and women, never mind the rapidly increasing poverty rate, or the AIDs epidemic that is decimating our inner cities, you know for sure that two women holding hands is what's causing America to take an eighty story plummet into the bowels of hell. KRISTA (singing) Straight into the hands of Satan! ALIX Because of you the once beautiful sight of two women kissing is rendered disgusting, sick, and all who support it are committing crimes against the lord. KRISTA (singing) Yeaaah, Terry Taylor can't masturbate without shame. ALIX America has never had a woman, a homosexual, a minority or a non Christian as president but you don't let that keep you from your irrational fears and illogical hatred of a country ruled by Queen Latifah. KRISTA (singing) The fags and Negroes are taking over! ALIX Yes you have a gay uncle, and you and he spent many nights adrift in the lake under the romantic moonlit Florida night, but in your opinion that doesn't really count. KRISTA (singing) We never even made it past first base! ALIX You'll admit that Hitler may have been wrong, but if he's going to kill a million people, maybe he could have thrown in thirty or forty dykes. What's the harm? KRISTA (singing) But you don't believe the holocaust really happened. ALIX So here's to you Mister Moneymaker, because while there's no money in being a lesbian, thanks to you there sure is a fuck you. Ally and Krista bow towards their imagined audience, completing their tune. TAYLOR Destiny's Child eat your heart out! Girls, thank you very much for the song, but I'm afraid we have to switch gears for a bit. I'd like to ask you about tonight's main event, where you will defend your tag titles against a team that some would regard as the greatest in history, Los Infernales, Spider Poet, and El Dandy. Though I'd like to say that they came back thanks to a love for the company, it's actually Moneymaker's bank account that brings them here to challenge and defeat you. What do you have to say to that? ALIX Ya know what, I don't think Theo's really thinking out this whole crusade against lesbian thing that well. Because instead of doing what any right minded bigot would do, get a prime time show on Fox News, Theo goes out grabs a dude taking his cues from a comic book character who's primary villains were a guy named after a sexual hand position and another one with a dildo on his head, to do his dirty work! Woah, can you imagine what life would be like with Gia Darling's futurotic dong stuck between your eyes. Talk about your great power, and great responsibility! Terry, you'd never spend a Friday night alone again! KRISTA It'd be the first time you've seen a vagina without the word buffering coming before it. TAYLOR Well Krista, we know you love me very much, but what are your thoughts on Los Infernales? KRISTA Whatever redneck town Mary Jane and Peter Parker were wrestling in front of on Wednesday, will be the same redneck town showering them with “WELCOME BACK!” chants on Friday, because there isn't a chance their latest run in the OAOAST last past 9:58 PM on Thursday. You can heap your praises, your accolades, your compliments, hell, you can probably heap your skidmarked underwear on them, Terry. If a man willingly goes through life being known as “El Dandy” lord only knows what kind of sick shit he digs. Pun intended. The bottom line is it doesn't matter how nice they were four years ago, when that bell rings and those lights go up, the itsy bitsy spiders better climb up that water sprout, because down will come Krista's boot and stomp those assholes out. TAYLOR Girls, as always thank you for your honesty. And Alix thank you very much for your honesty. Best of luck to you against Los Infernales. They're a tough team, but I have faith in you! Fans, when we come back we hope to have a 24/7 title match for you. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT HeldDown HEATs up ****OAOAST 24/7 Title**** Cuban Wall Vs Colombian Heat NEXT A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. "COME ON!" *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. COLE Can you feel the Heat? The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out. Heat runs out onto the entrance stage and raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship! Introducing first. The challenger. Coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat slaps some fans hands and then climbs the ring steps. Heat hops into the ring. COLE Colombian Heat going for his first singles title tonight! And he's doing it against a former running buddy! COACH The history between Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall has been talked about again and again. So let's just sit back and watch the slaughter! COLE Coach, can't you give Heat a *little* credit? COACH Nah. He's boned. COLE Coach. Oy. Colombian Heat gets on the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then gets on a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle, and grabs a microphone. COLE Colombian Heat came to the rescue of Spanish Fly after his match against Cuban Wall last week. Tonight, Heat looks to do what Spanish Fly couldn't do last week. Colombian Heat hasn't wrestled on HeldDOWN~! in quite some time, but he has been in action around the globe, wrestling in HI-YAH several times over these past few months. COACH They can take him and keep him for all I care! If I never ever see Colombian Heat ever again, it will be too soon! Colombian Heat has a smile on his face as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLOMBIAN HEAT COT DAMN, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON HELDDOWN~! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" HEAT And wot betta place to return home than right here in MEMPHIS, TENN-E-SEE! (CHEAP POP!) HEAT So, Memphis, we's in tha dirrty dirrty, and I knows that in tha dirrty dirrty youse likes to get CRUNK! And we's about to get CRUNK cuz I's am leaving herre tha NEW 24/7 CHAMPION! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" HEAT So, if all of y'all are ready to see me make Cuban Wall feel the Heat and become the new 24/7 Champion...then Memphis, Tennessee, make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!" The crowd goes wild. Colombian Heat smiles a wide smile as he puts the microphone away. Heat jumps up and down and stares at the entrance with his game face on. COLE Colombian Heat is ready for this match! He wants to become 24/7 Champion tonight on HeldDOWN~! "LIGHTNING CREW!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts up as the crowd stands up and boos. The AngleTron shows a picture of Cuban Wall posing in front of a Cuban flag with CUBAN WALL written to the right side of the screen in big white blocky letters. Strobe lights appear on the entrance set, while smoke fills the entryway. The crescendo hits, and "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha. Ha. Yeah!) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy polticians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* A few seconds later, the entrance doors slide open, and Cuban Wall comes out to loud boos. Cuban Wall has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist into the air, then proceeds to walk to the ring, his eyes focused soley on it, with a serious expression on his face. COACH Here comes the biggest 24/7 Champion EVER! Colombian Heat's in trouble now! BUFFER And his opponent. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrlllllllllldddddddddddddddddddd. He is The Muscle for The Lightning Crew. CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall shadow boxes a little bit as he walks to the ring. COLE Cuban Wall has no love lost for Colombian Heat. Here is what he had to say earlier about his opponent tonight. A small box appears on the upper left hand corner of the screen. Cuban Wall stands in front of a blue background while holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He is in his wrestling gear because he lives, breathes, and eats wrestling DAMNIT! CUBAN WALL My name is Cuban Wall. I enjoy drinking beer, smoking fine Cuban cigars, listening to heavy metal, and having sex with some fine fine ladies. But the one thing I love more than any of that is kicking some serious ass! Now my opponent tonight is no stranger to me. Suffice to say, I've hated his guts ever since I first met him! He's always been an annoying, idiotic, obnoxious, untalented, ASS to me! And tonight, I hope this will be the last time I will ever EVER have to get in the squared circle with him! I will make sure of that! This is NOT about big vs. small. This is NOT about rock vs. rap. This is about a talented superstar kicking the crap out of the least talented superstar in all of the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Colombian Heat, say your prayers, because you're going to need all the help you can get when you step into the ring with me! It's almost game time, are you ready? Because YOUR ASS IS MINE! COLE Cuban Wall with some big words for Colombian Heat tonight! COACH He'll back up his words too. This is not going to be pretty. Not at all! COLE We're about to find out in only a heartbeat away! COACH Oh boy! I've been waiting for this all week! Cuban Wall uses the ropes to pull himself up onto the ring apron. He enters the ring--Colombian Heat attacks him! Heat keeps on attacking him, preventing Cuban Wall from entering the ring! COACH What the hell? COLE Colombian Heat wanted to get a heads up I assume! COACH What is he doing? STOP HIM! STOP HIM! Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. *DING DING DING* OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH CUBAN WALL (Champion) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger) Colombian Heat beats on Cuban Wall to the crowd's delight! COLE Colombian Heat going for first blood right now! Colombian Heat punches Cuban Wall repeatedly as he finally enters the ring! But then, Cuban Wall grabs Heat and gives him a headbutt, knocking him down! COACH Ha! Ha! Colombian Heat gets right back up, and attacks Cuban Wall again! But Cuban Wall shrugs off the attack and headbutts Heat again! Mike Chioda grabs the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt that Wall dropped, and hands it over to a ringside attendant. COLE Cuban Wall is just too big for Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat gets right back up, and attacks again! Cuban Wall headbutts Heat AGAIN! He then starts punching Colombian Heat in the face! Heat stumbles around ringside. Wall grabs Colombian Heat and gives him the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms! Cuban Wall grabs Colombian Heat and whips him into the ropes. He follows with a big boot that causes Colombian Heat to tumble through the first and second ropes and onto the floor! COLE Cuban Wall is in control of Colombian Heat as this match gets started! Cuban Wall raises his hands in the air. The crowd boos loudly. Wall taunts the fans. Mike Chioda begins his 10 count. COACH If Heat knows what's good for him, he'll just stay down. COLE Colombian Heat has the heart of a champion, Coach! He won't back down until he gets what he wants! And right now, he wants the 24/7 Title! COACH 'Heart of a champion'? Come on, Cole! Stop looking into the big book of cliches, and make up something of your own next time! Colombian Heat gets on his knees. He takes a deep breath, already groggy, and slides back into the ring at the count of 6. Cuban Wall quickly starts stomping him into mush. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLE This crowd trying to rally Colombian Heat back into this match! Cuban Wall picks Colombian Heat up, removing his Colombian flag bandana in the process. Cuban Wall punches Colombian Heat in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! Cuban Wall gives Colombian Heat an Irish Whip into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes. Wall follows with a Bossman Slam! He goes for the cover. 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! Cuban Wall eyes the referee, but carries on. Colombian Heat's eyes are glazed over. CW picks CH up and punches him in the face again. And again! And again! And again! Wall scoops Heat up. Wall charges forward towards a turnbuckle, hitting Heat's back against the turnbuckle! Wall charges forward towards another turnbuckle, hitting Heat's back against that one too! Wall heads towards a third turnbuckle, slamming Heat's back against that one. He finishes it off with the fourth turnbuckle, and completes his signature move with a powerslam! Cuban Wall goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! THR--KICK OUT!!! COLE Colombian Heat will not give up! He will not quit! COACH And he will not win the 24/7 Title the way this match is going! "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" Cuban Wall taunts Colombian Heat while he picks him up. Wall gives Heat a double-armed DDT! Wall goes for the cover. 1....2....KICK OUT! Wall sneers at the referee. He then picks Colombian Heat up again. Wall scoops Heat up. Bodyslam! Cuban Wall bounces off the ropes, jumps up, and down with a legdrop, NO! Colombian Heat moves out of the way! COLE Colombian Heat escaped just in the nick of time! COACH What? Come on Wall! Don't let the stupid idiot beat you! Colombian Heat gets up. He picks Cuban Wall up. He goes for the COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~! Not even close, as Cuban Wall shoves him into the ropes, and then hits him with a MASSIVE clothesline! COLE Oh! And Colombian Heat's comeback has been cut short! COACH Good. We're back on track now! Cuban Wall chokes Colombian Heat with his bare hands! Mike Chioda orders Wall to stop at the count of 5. 1! 2! 3! 4! Cuban Wall lets go of Heat's throat. Wall grabs Colombian Heat, and lifts him up onto his feet by his throat! Cuban Wall throws Colombian Heat over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Uh-oh! This isn't good! Cuban Wall is on the outside with Colombian Heat! That's no man's land right there! COACH It's not like this is anything new! Things haven't been going Colombian Heat's way all match! The crowd boos loudly as Cuban Wall exits the ring over the top rope. Colombian Heat is crawling on the outside. Cuban Wall slowly follows him then picks him up by his shirt and yellow basketball jersey. Heat is dazed and confused. Cuban Wall whips Colombian Heat into some ring steps. Heat hits the ring steps right shoulder first with the top ring steps falling off due to the impact! COLE Whoa! COACH That's right, Wall! Do your thing! You're the man, Wall! You the man! Colombian Heat is lying on the floor, breathing heavily. Cuban Wall taunts the fans at ringside. Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he walks over to where Colombian Heat is lying and picks him up. Cuban Wall measures Heat up, and punches him square in the nose! Heat stumbles, but Wall holds him up by his jersey. Wall grabs Heat by his head and throws him back into the ring. Wall follows over the top rope. COLE Colombian Heat has gotten barely ANY offense in this match! COACH And that's the way it should be. Are you surprised? COLE No...I Just thought he might put up a little bit more of a fight! COACH He wouldn't, Because Cuban Wall is better than Colombian Heat in every way including arts and crafts! Cuban Wall picks Colombian Heat up again. CW places Colombian Heat in between his legs, lifts Heat up, and gives him a Piledriver onto the mat! Cuban Wall gets up and lifts his right hand in the air! The crowd boos. COLE Oh no! Oh no! COACH CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he watches Colombian Heat get up. Heat slowly gets to his feet. COLE Cuban Wall is going for the Chokeslam! This could be the end of this match! COACH It WILL be, Michael! It WILL be! Cuban Wall motions for Heat to get up. Colombian Heat is on his right knee. Wall is yelling for Heat to get to his feet. COLE Wall signaling for another one of his signature moves. The Chokeslam! Colombian Heat is slowly standing up straight. He turns around...Cuban Wall grabs him by the throat! COACH GOOZLE~! GOOZLE~! Cuban Wall taunts Colombian Heat while still clutching his throat! COLE Chokeslam coming up! BUT THEN Colombian Heat kicks Cuban Wall's right knee! He does it again! He does it a few more times, breaking the goozle! Colombian Heat hits Cuban Wall with forearm shots to the face! The shots daze the big man, but that's all they do! COLE Colombian Heat making the comeback! COACH Stop him, Wall! Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall's left arm and whips him (after trying twice) into the ropes. Cuban Wall reverses--Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes. Cuban Wall grabs him, lifts him up onto his left shoulder, and falls to his knees, giving him the WALLBREAKER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 COLE Wallbreaker! Cuban Wall just gave Colombian Heat the Wallbreaker! COACH YEAH! Big time man! Big time! Colombian Heat squirms on the mat! Cuban Wall stares down at Heat, and then rushes forward, bounces off the ropes, rushes forward, jumps up and down crashing onto Colombian Heat! COLE The Lightning Crew Splash! COACH Just like Spanish Fly last week! Cuban Wall gets up to smile evilly, and then covers Colombian Heat. Referee Mike Chioda counts. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (5:09) "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Cuban Wall absolutely DOMINATED Colombian Heat! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. Cuban Wall gets up, scoffs at Colombian Heat, and then gets his hands raised by Mike Chioda. BUFFER Here is your winner...and STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! COLE Cuban Wall controlled most of the match! He barely gave Colombian Heat any offense! Another successful title defense for the current OAOAST 24/7 Champion! COACH Two weeks in a row, baby! First Spanish Fly, now Colombian HACK! And that's all he is, a HACK! Cuban Wall proved it tonight! COLE Well, Cuban Wall IS 6'7" 285 lbs, Coach! This was going to be a challenge for Colombian Heat anyway! COACH Wouldn't a superior athlete be able to overcome the size and weight difference? COLE Maybe... COACH Maybe? No, DEFINITLEY! Cuban Wall proved tonight once and for all that he is better than Colombian Heat! Now hopefully, they'll never have another match against each other ever again! Mike Chioda hands Cuban Wall the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Wall raises the belt over his head with his right hand. The crowd boos loudly as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Colombian Heat is lying on the mat, breathing heavily. Mike Chioda checks on him. COLE Colombian Heat tried, but Cuban Wall was just too much for him! Cuban Wall's 24/7 Title reign continues on for another day! Let's take a look at the replay! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to a replay of the match, starting with Cuban Wall headbutting Colombian Heat at the beginning of the match. COACH My man Wall dominated from the beginning! Poor little Colombian Heat tried to fight in the beginning, but Wall just shrugged him off like he should! *Cut to Cuban Wall hitting Colombian Heat with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms.* COACH (CONT'D) Watch this! BAM! Cuban Wall with those CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms! *Cut to Cuban Wall clutching Colombian Heat's throat for a chokeslam.* COACH (CONT'D) Cuban Wall went for a chokeslam, and yeah, Colombian Heat managed to escape *that*, lucky bastard. But, you know what? Cuban Wall came back! *Cut to Cuban Wall giving Colombian Heat the Wallbreaker, followed by The Lightning Crew Splash.* COACH (CONT'D) BAM! Wallbreaker! And then, BOO-YAH~! The Lightning Crew Splash! 1! 2! 3! That's it! That's all! That's all there is! *Cut to Cuban Wall raising his right fist in the air when he came out.* COACH (CONT'D) Your winner and STILL STILL OAOAST 24/7 Champion, CUBAN WALL! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cuban Wall slings the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He looks down at Colombian Heat and scoffs, saying something under his breath. Mike Chioda is still checking on Colombian Heat as Cuban Wall exits the ring over the top rope. COLE Colombian Heat tried to avenge his friend's loss last week, but came up short this week! COACH Yeah, life is good for Cuban Wall right now! COLE You maybe right! I mean, who can stop him and end his title reign? COACH NO ONE! That's who! HA HA HA HA HA! COLE Cuban Wall walks away with his head held high. Another victory under his belt as he has been on a roll since winning the 24/7 Title at AngleMania VI! Colombian Heat tried, but in the end, Cuban Wall was just too much for him! But if I know Colombian Heat, I know that he will live to fight another day! Cuban Wall walks up the entrance ramp holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He has a cocky smirk on his face as he walks. Cuban Wall jaw jacks with some fans, threatening to give them a knuckle sandwich should they touch him. He laughs maniacally as he gets to the entrance stage. Colombian Heat is still lying on the mat, his eyes glazed over, breathing heavily, and coughing like mad. He tries to get up as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds continues playing.

God of Thunder hits and Thunderkid gets a big pop as he makes his way to the ring. COLE And here comes Thunderkid, with another chance to bring the Heartland title back to the OAOAST! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Introducing first, the challenger...hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE TK of course had this chance previously at the WDW PPV, Triumph, 12 days ago! But now, he gets that chance on his home turf! TK slides into the ring and poses on the buckles, then awaits his opponent. Je t'adore, je t'adore... Girls, Girls, Girls hits, and Felix Strutter makes his way out. COLE But this man looking to spoil the party! BUFFER His opponent...from Thunder Bay, Ontario, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFELIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR!!!!! Strutter jaws with fans on his way down to the aisle, then slides into the ring and holds the belt up in the air. He hands it to the official, then takes off his gear, before blindsiding TK as he does stretches in the corner! *DING DING DING* COACH TK had his eye off the ball! COLE And we're underway! Strutter hammers on TK, who quickly recovers, and the two begin to trade blows. COACH And this isn't smart on the part of Felix Strutter, to be trading punches with TK! The brawl eventually spills to the outside, where Strutter goes to the eyes of TK. Strutter then drills TK with rights, who attempts to respond with some blind swings. Strutter drags TK around the side of the ring, where TK swings with a big right, which Strutter ducks and grabs TK in a side headlock. TK escapes by shoving Strutter off into the ringpost! COLE And Strutter tastes the steel ringpost on the outside! Strutter slowly gets to his feet, then turns around and is met with a TK clothesline which sends him over the guardrail and into the audience! COACH We're spilling out into the fans here, Cole! Strutter tries to crawl away, with TK following. TK catches Strutter, and delivers right hands, ending with a big one which knocks him right to the floor! TK then grabs a vendor's tub, and slams it across the back of Strutter! COACH I don't think that's the way Felix wanted his beer! Felix crawls over to the stairs in the crowd, then delivers a headbutt to the abdomen! He then gets to his feet and sets up TK... COLE And Felix looking for a piledriver right on the concrete steps in the stands! However, TK blocks, and Strutter is backdropped onto the concrete! COACH OW! COLE But it's Felix once again, back meeting concrete! TK stomps away at Strutter, who rolls down the steps slowly. TK picks him up and drags him back to the ring, tossing him back over the guardrail, then backing up several steps, waiting for Strutter to get to his feet. COACH What's this? When Strutter gets to his feet, TK charges, then leaps over the rail, hitting Strutter with a clothesline! COLE What a clothesline from TK, leaping from the crowd to the ringside area, right over that guardrail! TK yells out to the crowd, which responds with cheers. He then sets up an Irish whip into the steel steps, but Strutter reverses and sends TK in instead! Upon impact, the steps move completely away from the ringpost. COLE And now it's TK being introduced to the steel! Strutter leans on the apron to catch his breath, then slides into the ring, and climbs to the top rope, with his back facing TK. COLE And Felix Strutter going all the way up! Strutter gains his balance, and hits TK with a CORKSCREW BODY PRESS~!!! COLE Big-time high risk move from Felix Strutter, and it pays off! Both men lay out on the floor for a few seconds, then Strutter gets to his feet and tosses TK back inside. Strutter stomps away at TK, then when TK starts to work his way back up, Strutter stomps on his fingers! COACH WOW, Felix may have broken some fingers right there! COLE A lot of bad blood in this one, two guys whose roots began in tag team wrestling! Of course, Felix Strutter part of a great up-and-coming team before the unfortunate injury to his partner, Ken Pantera, and Thunderkid, of course, formed a tag team with Reject in the Deadly Alliance! And while they never claimed the tag team gold, they've got to be considered an all-time great team! And this here is quickly becoming one of the hottest feuds going in wrestling! COACH You're right about that, Cole, it's certainly produced two memorable matches, and it looks like we've got a third right here tonight! Strutter whips TK into the corner, then charges with a knee, but TK moves out of the way! COLE And this could be big-time trouble for Felix, he's hurt! TK trips Felix from behind, then picks up a leg, and applies a FIGURE-FOUR! COLE Submission hold applied, the figure-four! How hurt is the leg of the champion, is the question here? Felix writhes in pain on the mat, as the referee asks him if he wants to give up. TK clamps down on the hold, and Strutter lays back. 1... 2... Strutter sits up, and scoots a little bit towards the ropes, then lays back once again. 1... 2... Strutter sits up, and manages to scoot the rest of the way towards the ropes! The referee forces TK to break the hold, and Strutter immediately rolls to the outside. TK follows, picking up Strutter and tossing him right back in. TK then makes his way over to the timekeepers' table, and grabs a steel chair. COLE And now come the weapons! TK holds the chair up in the air, as the fans egg him on. TK then slides into the ring, and prepares to hit Strutter, but Strutter pops up with a low blow! COLE Felix able to buy himself some time with that low blow, legal in a Heartland title match! Felix gets to his feet, then grabs the chair from the hand of TK, and whacks him across the back with it! Strutter then leans on the ropes, and pulls himself into the corner in order to rest his leg. COLE Strutter catching a big break right here, TK after applying the figure-four failed to continue on the leg! Strutter comes out of the corner, and delivers another chair shot to the back of TK! COACH And Felix somehow has taken control of this match! Strutter picks up TK, and executes a Russian legsweep! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter picks up TK, and delivers a snap suplex! Strutter then hops to the second rope, and comes off with a flying elbow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Strutter going for quick covers here! Strutter pitches TK out through the ropes, and poses for the crowd, drawing boos. He then goes out after him, and sets up an Irish whip, but TK reverses, sending Strutter back-first into the steel guardrail! COLE And Strutter once again tasting steel on the outside! TK slowly goes after Strutter, delivering right hands to the skull. He then rams Strutter's face into the steel steps, before tossing him back in. He then reaches under the ring, coming up with a kendo stick! COLE TK with a kendo stick, obviously planning to cane Felix Strutter! TK slides in and waits for Strutter to get to his feet, then delivers a big shot to the gut! He follows with one to the back, then tosses the stick to the mat. He picks up Strutter, and delivers a fallaway slam! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter starts to get to his feet, but TK trips him up, and attempts another figure-four, but Felix reverses into a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE And Felix almost stealing it right there! TK quickly dives at Strutter with a double axhandle, then backs him into a corner. TK hammers away, then whips Strutter across. TK charges, but runs right into Felix's foot! Felix catches his breath, then walks over and grabs the kendo stick. COACH Now Felix has the stick! Strutter raises the stick up, and brings it down repeatedly across TK's back and side! He then stops and raises the stick in the air, as the crowd boos, before slamming it to the mat. Strutter then sets TK up on the top rope, and follows him up. COLE Big move coming up from Felix Strutter... Strutter gets his balance on the top rope, then hops onto TK's shoulders and flips back, taking him to the mat with a HURRICANRANA~! COLE And a tremendous hurricanrana from the top rope! The champion will retain! 1... 2... NO! TK gets a shoulder up! COACH Not yet! COLE TK still with plenty of fight left! Strutter gets to his feet and questions the count of the official, then exits the ring and goes to the timekeepers' table, grabbing the ring bell! COACH Felix wants to ring TK's bell here tonight! Felix rolls back inside and sets the bell in the middle of the ring. He then stomps away at TK, before picking him up and placing his head in between his legs. COLE Oh, no. COACH It looks like he's going to deliver the Thunder Bay Throttle right down onto the ring bell! Strutter hooks the arms of TK, but TK blocks, then trips up Strutter, and delivers a slingshot into the corner! As Strutter bounces back, TK blasts him right in the face with the bell! COLE And Felix just had his bell rung by TK! We're going to have a new champion, it looks like, if TK can cover! However, the camera cuts to the crowd, to show Deuce Deuce Bigelow approaching the guardrail, followed by a walking Jumbo! COLE And here comes Jumbo and Deuce, two WDW guys! Deuce decks a security guard, then climbs over the rail, and pulls TK out underneath the ropes! COLE And they're helping Felix Strutter! COACH Well, whether those guys like each other or not, that's their WDW comrade, and they don't want us to have our title back! Deuce picks up TK, and whips him HARD into the steel steps! He then turns around and waves on Jumbo, who slowly climbs over the rail. COLE Jumbo looks kind of hesitant to be taking part in this attack on TK, doesn't he? COACH Well Cole, I don't know if you've been following that show, but there was a meeting there at the end on Monday, in which Axel asked for a favor of them, maybe this was it! To keep the belt in enemy territory! Jumbo picks up TK and tosses him into the ring, then rolls inside after him. He picks him up, but is still hesitant to attack, and this allows TK to fight back on Jumbo! COLE But TK still fighting, he's not holding back! Deuce attacks TK from behind, and he and Jumbo whip him into the ropes. TK ducks a double clothesline, then comes back with a flying shoulderblock which sends both big men to the mat! TK delivers a stiff kick to Jumbo, which turns him over from his stomach to his back, then questions him on the attack. COACH And look at TK, he wants to know what the deal is! However, before he can get an answer, he is knocked to the mat from behind by Deuce with the kendo stick! COLE And Deuce Deuce Bigelow from behind! Deuce yells at Jumbo to get up, then makes the belt motion with his hands around his waist. Jumbo gets up and whips TK into a corner, then crushes him with an AVALANCHE~! Deuce goes to the top, and drills TK with the FUNKY COLD MEDINA~!!! COLE And Deuce Deuce Bigelow with the big flying headbutt, following the avalanche by Jumbo! Strutter is to his feet, as Deuce and Jumbo exit the ring. He picks up TK, and delivers the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COLE And the WDW is going to keep the belt again! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE DAMN IT! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFELIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR!!!!! COLE Felix Strutter keeps the OAOAST Heartland title with WDW, thanks to help from unlikely suspects! Jumbo looks distraught as he walks back out through the crowd, as Deuce tries to encourage him. Felix leans on the ropes, raising his belt in the air, then rolls out and walks back to the locker room. COLE Well, I've got a feeling that this war is still not over! A great effort by TK, but comes up on the short end once again, due to circumstances beyond his control! Right now, let's go to...

From the FedEx Forum, home of the (soon to be departing?) Grizzlies and their suck number 4 draft pick Do not call mainevent or i will fuck u up so hard.

Fuck Snoop Dogg. That mothafuckin bitch ass sell out commercial gum chewing Mighty Duck ass faggot...yes faggot. I remeber eyeing that foolz when I's in the Beverly Wilshire hotel seeing his Ethiopian malnutrition bony ass in a wife beater...fucking hypocrite don't even beat bitches. Fake fuckin studio gangsta. when i talked to him to get his autograph I aint gonna front front, he yelled all faggotish shit "I WILL FUCK YOU." No, not "I WILL FUCK YOU UP." Just "I WILL FUCK YOU." so I fuckinn pulled his bandana out his left back pocket, yeah that the crip side, and fuckin choked that mothafucker to death as he begged to lick my phat cock for some crack rock that bitch ass faggot. his black ass is dead. He ain't even alive no mo, wut u see is an imposter snoop, a robot snoop, like that bitch from small wonder, I built that shit in my basment, i run it.

Yay! Yay! Yay!!! I'll respond to your PM sometime after game two is over. lolololol@ u fgts. You do realize the entire fed is named after a message board poster who devoted twenty thousand posts to the Yankees, Kurt Angle, and Test. For real, I think Tony suggested TSM Championship, because TSM is supposed to be the name of the network the show comes on. I don't know, you could rename it the American Title, but that sounds kind of like Heartland Title in a way. International is fine. We've already had North American, or else I would suggest that. Internet sounds pretty unique.

KC, and Tony, already I know how I feel about the HI-YAH tag titles. KC, definitely does, because I wrote him a two page dissertation detailing how much I abhor their existence. I won't get into all the reasons I believe the HI-YAH tag title should be eliminated but here's the long story short. Everyone says we have a loaded tag division, and can support two belts. I don't think that's quite an accurate statement. Excluding the absentee Bruisers and Sk8r Boiz, there about eleven teams here, four of which (The Docs, Rescue 911, Los Coquestiadors, and even Los Diablos) are total jobbers. GPX is rarely featured anymore. That means only six teams are actually featured regularly. In my opinion it makes little sense to have those six teams' competitive attention be divided between two titles. If those teams have title hopes, then those hopes should be focused on the premier titles and not the second rate HI-YAH titles. The few teams who actually get to appear on "television" should be chasing down the major prize, instead of being drawn to a lesser title. As KC said, I think the six man titles could easily take their “spot”. At least those belts offer a varying twist on the tag team theme, and stay towards the background. Quite unlike the HI-YAH titles which to me have always seemed pointless, redundant, unnecessary, and have occasionally muddled the issues within the tag division. I feel the exact same way about the HI-YAH world title. It's an utterly useless midcard title in an e-fed that truthfully only needs one midcard title (excluding the Heartland title, obv). That was pretty much my exact suggestion. The OAOAST buys out the financially struggling HI-YAH in order position themselves as the dominant global sports entertainment company. I compare it to the real life example of the UFC buying the financially struggling Japanese organization Pride. I've discussed the 24/7 Title with KC and Tony. The belt is really more of a comedy of errors type belt, if that's even the right phrase. In it's proper form the title is supposed to lead to chaotic, uncontrolled situations outside the ring. Obviously that doesn't usually happen. It's still possible for it to be the sole midcard belt and not comedic prop. As KC said it could probably just use a good renaming if that's the direction it needs to be taken in. The X title could probably just use a swift boot to the dumpster! I agree with KC's point that there isn't an X Division to speak of. When you realize that there are 2-4 matches per show, and a small amount of midcard characters that are actually used regularly, you have to wonder if it's worth retaining multiple midcard titles. I say that it's not. That's a perfectly acceptable arrangement. And obviously there's the women's title. There's nothing to merge that into anyway!

If ya got something to edit in, you know what to do.

1.Padres 35 23 2.Diamondbacks 36 24 3.Dodgers 34 25 the fuk how did this 3rd shit happen???? scustin! 2 OTHER CHUMP BITCHES

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD The bombastic noise that is Party Like A Rockstar joins the state of the art introductory video. Intertwined between the character specific locale's and close ups is footage of last week's opening confrontation between Landon Maddix and Zack Malibu. After the video concludes and the song comes to an end the logo is shown... FEMALE VOICE OVER And now, courtesy of Budweiser Select, and The OAOAST it is time for HeldDOWN! The focus immediately shifts to the announce team of Micahel Cole and Johnathan Coachman. Sitting behind the announce desk, each man is dressed in gaudy orange polo shirts, and neatly pressed khaki pants. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, it is Thursday night and you know what that means... COACH Time for my court appointed anger management sessions? COLE No, that's Tuesday. It's time for sports entertainment's highest rated television program, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Tonight's show comes from Alabama, and we are jam packed with southern fried goodness. Zack Malibu makes his first world title defense against Mister Boricua of the Lightening Crew, the 24/7 title is up for grabs, and Logan Mann battles Rico De Janeiro! But right now.. Je t'adore, je t'adore... The arena goes dark and pink lights light up the entryway as Girls, Girls, Girls plays and Felix Strutter walks out. COLE And here comes the Heartland champion, Felix Strutter, in his first appearance on HeldDOWN~! since capturing the belt from Thunderkid a little over a month ago! Strutter is accompanied by two lovely OAOAST ringrats attendants, one in each arm, as he walks down the aisle. The ladies get up on the apron and hold the ropes for him. COLE And this past Saturday on the WDW pay-per-view, Triumph, Strutter successfully defended that title in a rematch, with a little help from his friends. Strutter grabs a mic. STRUTTER Did you people miss me? *crowd boos* STRUTTER I thought so. Strutter starts to talk again, but is interrupted by the chants of "FE-LIX SUCKS" "FE-LIX SUCKS!" "FE-LIX SUCKS!" "FE-LIX SUCKS!" STRUTTER I do NOT suck! That is a LIE! The chant continues. STRUTTER You people are a bunch of LIARS! You're worse than Nick Saban! *crowd boos* STRUTTER Especially those of you who were smart enough to order WDW Triumph this past Saturday! I most certainly did NOT suck that night! The crowd chants switch to "THUN-DER-KID!" "THUN-DER-KID!" "THUN-DER-KID!" "THUN-DER-KID!" STRUTTER That's right, it was THUNDERKID who sucked that night! COLE Oh, come on, that was a great match! STRUTTER It's OK...I may be a WDW wrestler now, but *points to belt* as you can see, I am still YOUR Heartland champion! And there's nothing you can do about it! Medal hits, and the crowd goes wild as Anglesault makes his way to the stage area. COACH Here comes the boss! Anglesault is holding a mic. ANGLESAULT I have to say, congratulations, Felix. That was quite a show you put on Saturday night! STRUTTER (pulls his girls in close) That's what they said! The girls giggle as Felix acts proud of his innuendo. ANGLESAULT Very good, but I'm not out here to joke around. There's actually plenty I can do about that title you're wearing Felix...including make you defend it right here next week on HeldDOWN~! *crowd cheers* COLE All right! ANGLESAULT Right here, next week... STRUTTER Hold it, hold on a second. I have a GREAT idea. I know you're all about these people in the crowd... *crowd cheers* STRUTTER And seeing as this is the home state of former President, Bill Clinton... *crowd boos* COLE Um, that would be Arkansas, actually... COACH Oh, cut the guy a break, he's Canadian! STRUTTER I thought we could let the people vote on this. Who wants to see yours truly, "After Hours" Felix Strutter, defend the OAOAST Heartland title next week on HeldDOWN~!? *crowd erupts* STRUTTER And now, the only vote that REALLY matters...I vote "nay." *crowd boos* ANGLESAULT *pausing* Actually, Felix, your vote is not relevant in this case. You see, you are the OAOAST Heartland champion, which means you will defend the belt on the OAOAST's terms. And MY terms, are that you will defend that title right here, next week! *crowd cheers, then cheers louder as they spot Thunderkid having appeared behind Strutter in the ring!* ANGLESAULT And what I'd like for you to do now, is turn around, and meet your opponent! Strutter turns around, and is floored by a big right hand from TK! COLE OH MY! TK slugs away at Strutter on the mat, as the crowd goes wild! COACH A rematch from Saturday night, right here on HeldDOWN~! next week? COLE You betcha! TK whips Strutter into the ropes, and Strutter hooks them and slides out, to the boos of the crowd. Strutter backs up the aisle, looking with a shocked look into the ring at a smiling TK. COLE Right here next week, Felix Strutter will defend the Heartland title against Thunderkid! What a bombshell here on HeldDOWN~! Folks we'll return with in ring action after these messages! COMING UP NEXT Hell hath no fury like a Mann scorned Rico Vs Logan Mann NEXT COMMERCIAL

"No Chance In Hell" has already begun by the time we return to HeldDOWN~!, and it appears we're just about ready for the next match BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, set for one fall, is for the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing at this time the challenger, hailing from Tijuana, Mexico, and weighing in tonight at an even three hundred pounds. He is a member of The Lightning Crew, this is MISTER BORRRRRRRRRR-EEEE-CUAAAAAAA! The bodyguard for Tha Puerto Rican, the leader of the Lightning Crew, makes his way down the aisle, looking as imposing and intimidating as ever. He steps through the ropes and is met with more boos from the crowd, but the stern, uncaring look on his face shows he's ready for what may come his way here tonight. What IS going to come his way is coming right now as a matter of fact, as "Getting Away With Murder" sends the previously unimpressed fans into a frenzy. Charging out from the back with the World Title wrapped around his waist. BUFFER And now, the champion! Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and five pounds, he is the THREE TIME reigning and defending OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, he is ZAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUUUU! COLE What a match we've got here, Coach. Zack Malibu, in his first statement as champion, said that he would take the term "fighting champion" to the next level. Hoping to reestablish the prestige of the belt after the way Drek Stone defamed it during his reign, Malibu has pretty much left himself open for any and all challengers, starting tonight with Mr. Boricua! COACH Let's not forget that Malibu is not a recent favorite of the Lightning Crew, nor that Tha Puerto Rican has that "Golden Contract". Plus, already, Landon Maddix, who thinks that the SWF World Title makes him better than anyone on our roster, has issued a warning that he's got his eye on Zack. COLE Zack's got that pride, some call it foolish pride, but make no mistake, he won't back down if any or all of those men attempt to back the belt that most feel belong around his waist above anyone else's! As soon as Zack steps through the ropes, Boricua attacks, clubbing Zack over the back with forearm shots before sending him into the ropes, then catching him as he bounces back towards him and presses him overhead before sending him back to earth the hard way! COLE Mr. Boricua has jumped at the chance to be OAOAST World Champion here tonight, and he's not wasting any time! Zack gets up, and when he does Boricua unfastens the OAOAST World Title from around his waist, then shoves Zack away before raising the belt in the air and grunting loudly. The fans in the arena jeer this gesture, and referee Nick Patrick is quick to take the belt away from him and hand it over to Michael Buffer so this match can start proper! DING! DING! DING! Buffer sounds the bell as he sits down at ringside, and when Boricua turns around he's met with a flurry of right hands from a furious Zack Malibu! Each blow staggers the big man, and when Zack bounces off the ropes...he runs right into a big boot from the Lightning Crew's bruiser! COACH He stuck him in the mush with that one! Boricua yanks Zack up, but he's met with a jawbreaker for his efforts, and that sends him staggering back. Zack rushes to the ropes and comes off, nailing Boricua with a diving clothesline that puts him down! Zack waits on him to get up, but rather than go head to head with his foe, the burly beast backs up into the corner, trying to give himself a rest period! COLE Come on now, he's backing down!? COACH You forget, there ain't 178 other Lightning Crew members out here to back him up! COLE YET. Boricua comes out of the corner snarling, and ties up with Malibu. The obvious power advantage comes into play here, as Boricua simply shoves Zack down to the canvas, but Malibu rolls to his feet and gets right back up! They tie up again, and Malibu tries to keep him placed in a headlock, but Boricua shoves Zack into the ropes, then simply stands still for the most part, nailing a rebounding Malibu with a shoulderblock. Zack brushes it off and comes up again circling the ring, while Boricua sneers at him before lunging. Another tie-up follows, and this time Boricua pushes Malibu back to the corner. When he breaks, he tries a quick charge in to crush Malibu, but Zack moves out of the way, and then opens fire with some quick right hand jabs! Boricua is dazed, so Malibu climbs up on the ropes and starts hammering away, drawing the crowd into it so that they count along! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! It's at that point that Boricua shoves Zack down, but Zack lands on his feet! He charges in but eats a back elbow, and then gets hoisted up for a bodyslam...but slides down the back of Mr. Boricua and dropkicks him between the shoulder blades, sending him through the ropes and out to the floor! COLE Zack caught the big man off balance, and now what's he got in store? Boricua gets to his feet, but the moment he looks up all he sees is the World Champion leaping over the ropes and rotating in mid-air, just before crashing down on top of his rival! COACH Verrrry niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! COLE Flip plancha by Zack Malibu takes Mr. Boricua down! Malibu gets to his feet, as pumped as the crowd is, and turns to his foe and strikes him with a hard chop, and another, and then grabs him by the head and tosses him onto the apron. Boricua gets rolled into the ring, and Malibu slingshots back in and follows suit. The big hoss is then met with a blistering kick to his right leg, hitting just above the kneecap. A second kick follows, nailing the already tender spot. Boricua pushes Zack away with one hand as he favors the leg with the other, but that just draws Malibu forward again, this time striking Boricua right in the face with a headbutt! The big man is thrown off-balance as Malibu hits the ropes and comes off with a spinning wheel kick that catches Mr. Boricua in the chest and takes him down to the canvas! Zack hooks a leg and covers, while Nick Patrick makes the count! ONE! TWO! NO! COACH He gotta outta that one pretty easily, Mikey Cole. COLE He's as resilient as he is big, Coach. That's why he's such an asset to the Crew. Zack gets up and grabs a headlock on Mr. Boricua as he pushes up, but Malibu soon finds himself lifted off his feet! He manages to float over Boricua's shoulder and land behind him, but when he swings him around the giant enforcer is ready for him, and drives a knee into his gut to double him over! Boricua then wraps his thick arms around Zack's ribs and squeezes, then lifts and tosses him back, sending Malibu sailing with a belly to belly overhead suplex! Boricua drags Malibu to the center of the ring and hits the ropes, coming off with a splash to his prone foe...but Malibu's not as prone as he thinks, since he's able to escape the move! Boricua crashes to the canvas, and as he tries to push up to his feet, he's helped by Malibu, who snares him by the head, grips his waistband, and hoists him over with a snap suplex! COLE Zack Malibu just took the 300 pounder up and over! Zack stands over Boricua, then jumps into the air and comes down with his knee driven into the forehead of his opponent. He ducks out to the apron and starts climbing the ropes, concluding with him leaping from the third rope with a picturesque legdrop that connects with the fallen Latino! COACH DAMN! COLE Guillotine legdrop from the champion, and a cover! ONE! TWO! T-NO! MR. BORICUA GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES! COLE Nick Patrick saw it, and Boricua escapes defeat once again! Zack rolls off his foe, and starts leading him to his feet, stunning him with forearm shots to keep the momentum shifted in his favor. He takes Boricua by the arm and whips him to the ropes, but the big man reverses and sends Zack in! Zack rebounds and dodges a wild shot by Boricua by baseball sliding between his legs, and pops up instantaneously, cracking the challenger on the jaw with his patented superkick as he turns around! COLE School's Out connects! That had to do it! Malibu leaps atop Boricua, and once again the count is made... ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE That's one defense down, and many more to go for our World Champion! "Getting Away With Murder" is cued up by the sound guy, and the fans rejoice as Malibu is handed the biggest prize in wrestling today, the OAOAST World Championship. Zack raises the belt high over his head as he soaks in the cheers of the crowd COLE Zack Malibu, riding high atop the OAOAST! And what bette... HEY! HEY! A sudden change occurs in the crowd, the cheers dieing down and fingers being pointed to the rampway as LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX sprints into sight! Maddix skids into the ring at full speed and tackles Zack from behind, catching the World Champion unawares! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Damnit, Landon Maddix! The now FORMER SWF World Champion, right on cue! Maddix clubs away on Zack as the sound truck has the good sense to realise this isn't on the runsheet and cut the music. As Zack falls under the barrage of strikes, Maddix turns out to the crowd and licks his index finger, chalking an imaginary point for himself on an imaginary scoreboard. COACH It's true what they say, Zack has gone from being the hunter to the hunted. No sooner has he staved off one challenge, here comes another. COLE This isn't a 'challenge', it's a damn ambush! Turning away from the crowd, Landon quickly takes control of the OAOAST World Title from Zack's fingertips. Exposing the main plate of the belt he then crouches, lying in wait. Zack tries to drag himself up, determined to make whoever blindsighted him pay, little realising what's waiting on him. With a quick shuffle of the feet, in comes Maddix, catching Zack as he turns... ...*BELTSHO... ...NO! ZACK DUCKS! Shocked, Maddix slams on the brakes and turns around, right into a big right hand! And another! Another... another... another... COLE Zack isn't done yet for the night! Disorientated, Landon drops the title under the flurry of fists. Zack spots it and with one last right hand he backs La Cucaracha up, allowing him time to retrieve his title and swi... ...NO! Before the *beltshot* can materalise, Landon dives to safety, throwing his hands up and scampering for safety. Landon falls at the bottom of the aisle and still look shocked as Zack scales the ring ropes, leaning over and slapping HIS World Title before daring Landon to 'come and get it'. Having dragged himself back up, the embarrassed La Cucaracha backs up, "Getting Away With Murder" striking up again as he does. COLE Well, one of these two men is still a World Champion... COACH Uncalled for! COLE ...and it's the World Champion standing tall! Zack has fought the tide this week, but the message is clear. The hunter has become the hunted. And you've got to believe, Landon Maddix is only to get more and more desperate to dethrone The Franchise in the coming weeks! Folks, we'll see you next week, same HeldDOWN~! time, same HeldDOWN~! channel! Goodnight!

The show returns with a view of Michael Cole COLE Fans we take you backstage now where Josh Matthews is standing by with a very angry Jacob Cross who has something to say. (Backstage Josh stands next to Jacob, who paces back and forth like he's ready to explode.) JOSH Last week Jacob you had the match in hand against Vitamin X when you were jumped from behind and then double teamed. I understand you have a few words for Vitamin X. JACOB I came into the OAOAST to have a good time Josh. I didn't come here to cause trouble or because I had some sort of score to settle. I just came here to do what I do best and someone comes along and starts something! Vitamin X thinks he can just run roughshod over me and not have to pay for it! Well that's not going to happen. Where I come from when someone gets in your face you knock them back. When someone gets a big head you knock them down a few notches! When someone does you wrong........you pay them back. (Jacob gets a far off look in his eyes for a second, as if he is remembering something.) JOSH Are you okay? JACOB I'm fine. Old memories...that's for another time. What's important now is the Great Angle Bash! Vitamin X I'm challenging you to a match! Let's step this up a notch. Let's take this to the big stage. Pay Per View! You and me, one on one, in that ring. You haven't even seen me pissed off yet! Last week was a friendly match until you made it into something else. Now we're in for a good old fashioned fight! JOSH You still have to worry about the rest of the Lightning Crew. JACOB I'm aware of what I'm up against. I've been in enough bar fights to know how to handle myself when the numbers are against me. So don't worry your little head for me Josh. Vitamin X the challenge has been laid down. When you have your answer I won't be hard to find! (Jacob walks off to the left) JOSH Harsh words from Jacob Cross. We'll just have to wait and see what Vitamin X's response is. The camera cuts to another section of the backstage area. The camera does a pan of Mr. Boricua, starting with his feet, and going *all the way up* to his head. The crowd boos. Mr. Boricua is wearing his sunglasses and staring out into the open, with his arms crossed. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican stands right next to him, and the size difference is quite obvious. PRL is sporting a new slicked back hairstyle and is in his wrestling attire. Stephen Joseph Popick stands to the opposite side of Mr. Boricua looking on with an evil grin on his face. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stands behind Boricua, holding the OAOAST Women's Championship belt (remember that?) over her left shoulder. The rest of The Lightning Crew watches from a distance. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN All right, Boricua. This is it! This is your night! YOUR moment! YOUR destiny! Remember, your whole career you've been working for this one moment! Your time in the sun! Tonight is your night, YOUR day of glory! You, my friend, are Bound For Glory! Do you hear me? MR. BORICUA YES! THA PUERTO RICAN Good. This is it, Boricua. You're going to anilihate Zack Malibu. You're going--you're going to rip him apart. Take him out. You're--you're going to crush him. You're going to chew him up and SPIT him out! You're going to--you're going to DESTROY ZACK MALIBU! YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK HIS BONES! YOU'RE GOING TO SQUASH HIM LIKE A BUG! YOU'RE GOING TO CRIPPLE HIM! MR. BORICUA GRRRRR. PRL YOU'RE GOING TO CRUMPLE HIM UP LIKE HE'S A NEWSPAPER AND THROW HIM INTO THE GARBAGE! MR. BORICUA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! PRL You're the biggest threat he's ever faced! You're bigger than The Big Show. Bigger than Andre The Giant. You're the biggest big man the OAOAST has ever seen, and tonight you are going to become THEIR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! MR. BORICUA ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! PRL And then, Boricua, what's going to happen next? MR. BORICUA Uhhh...Me. Give. Belt. To. You? PRL No! No! No! No! Not that! No, Boricua! No! Uh-uh! Not that way! No! Absolutely not! No! We just don't give belts over to people in the OAOAST! STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK But P.R., isn't that how you got the 24/7 Titl-- THA PUERTO RICAN Cool it! POPICK Chill. PRL No. See, remember what we talked about? After you beat Zack Malibu, I'm going to come out and cash in my Golden Contract. (PRL holds up his black spray-painted briefcase containing his Golden Contract inside) Then, we'll have a match. HOWEVER, because you'll be so tired and in pain from your match with Zack *wink wink nudge nudge*, the match will be short because you won't be able to handle my awesomeness. So, you'll fall to the Corporate Nightmare, I'll cover you, and I'll become the NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and FINALLY FINALLY FULFIL MY DESTINY! MR. BORICUA But. Tonight. My. Destiny! PRL looks surprised at hearing this. He quickly tries to find a way out of this predicament. PRL Uh...it is. Boricua, it is. Trust me. It is. It is your night of destiny too! Really, it is. MR. BORICUA Really? PRL Yes. Really! I swear. POPICK Yep. It is, Boricua! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ He's right! MR. BORICUA You. Sure? PRL I swear, Boricua. Cross my heart. Hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye! MR. BORICUA I. Hate. Needles. Needles BAD! NEEDLES BAD! GRRRRRRRRRRRR! PRL Uh, needles bad! Needles bad! I know, Boricua! I know! Now, go out there and do what I say, which is...? MR. BORICUA DESTROY ZACK MALIBU! PRL That a boy, Boricua! Now, go out there and win the World Title for me--and you too! POPICK Yeah! LINDSAY You can do it Boricua! MR. BORICUA DESTROY ZACK MALIBU! ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! PRL taps Boricua on his right shoulder and walks away. The Lightning Crew and Popick cheer him on. PRL, Popick, and Lindsay follow him, PRL holding the black spray-painted briefcase with an evil smile on his face. THA PUERTO RICAN Go get him, big man! POPICK You're the man, Boricua! LINDSAY You can do it, Boricua! VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! Go get 'im, Boricua! THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Do it, big time, big man! CUBAN WALL This is your night, dude! THE BONE THUG ARRIBA LA RAZA~! PRINCESS STACEY Good luck, Boricua! The crowd boos. The camera cuts to Sofa Central with Double C~! COLE I can't believe it! PRL is using Mr. Boricua as a way to get the Title to him! COACH Why can't you believe it? It actually makes sense once you think about it! COLE Well, I supposed after four years, nothing is unbelievable when it comes to Tha Puerto Rican. COACH That's why he is the best wrestler never to wear the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title...until tonight! COLE Well, we'll find out coming up next! Zack Malibu puts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title on the line against Mr. Boricua in a match that "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican will surely be watching! Zack Malibu vs. Mr. Boricua in the main event for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship in just a heartbeat away! It's coming up next right here on HeldDOWN~! COMING UP NEXT Even idiots deserve a world title shot ****OAOAST World Title**** Zack Malibu Vs Boricua NEXT

OAOAST HeldDOWNis brought to you by... Tivo-My Tivo never let's me miss HeldDOWN~! Western Union-Fast. Reliable. Worldwide. And By... Miss Spezia's Cheating Woman Cookies-The rent is two months overdue and the landlord just smiles and winks at you. God damn that cheating woman. When the show officially returns the view is transported backstage into the OAOAST interview zone, which is basically a wall of monitors displaying various OAOAST superstars in action, and multi colored spotlights streaming from their top. Within the interview area stands Maggie Nerdly, outfitted in a delightfully retro , black white and red polka dot dress. Completing the cute-goth attire is a black and white checkered head wrap. She's joined by the always malicious, yet still stylish Theodore Moneymaker. He cuts an imposing figure of monetary power in a eight hundred dollar tan seersucker suit and plain grey tie. MAGGIE What's up everyone? Maggie Nerdly, your it girl on the scene, giving you that heat, live on OAOAST television. I fell like real lucky girl because for the first time ever, the dark lord himself, Satan, has agreed to be interviewed on live T-Vision. Your darkly highness? MONEYMAKER (sarcastically) You are as witty as you are intelligent, Miss Margaret Nerdly. MAGGIE Yeah, I try. Now last week Shayne Brave got severely jacked up by Christopher Patrick Allen in one of the worst beatings this company has ever seen. His faced looked like it could've been served with a side of macaroni salad. What do you have to say for an injury you and Jade Rodez are completely responsible for? MONEYMAKER Completely responsible for? I love you Nerdly girls, you have no class, no brains, and wear even less clothes! BWAHAHAH! What an absurd suggestion, propagated by a bias liberal media. Shayne Brave is completely responsible for Shayne Brave's condition. I didn't force him to eat sixteen unprotected left hooks to the jaw. Jade did not force him to stand in place while every bone in his face is broken by haymakers. By repeatedly meddling with Enterprise dealings, he chose his downfall all on his own. Now he pays the price for his folly. Neither I nor Jade Rodez nor The Enterprise bear any guilt or shame over Shayne's beating. And that is the last time I will ever speak of that middle class teenyboppin buffoon! MAGGIE Too bad that won't be the last time you'll ever speak period. Alright then, I'm told you're gonna drop the name of Ally and Krissy's tag title challengers for next week's show. So out with it, man. MONEYMAKER Though I'd hate to trumpet my many virtues, it is only a two hour show after all, I have to say my finest quality above all else is my deep rooted and long standing appreciation for this fine art of professional wrestling. MAGGIE Great. And the tag title challengers would be? MONEYMAKER (ignoring Maggie) While many have deemed it a redneck sport, suited only for the basest of minds, I have looked past the mouth breathing, bottom feeding cavemen so many of you seem to be, and I have seen the gentle beauty of the sport of kings. As a young boy, I often found myself glued to the television after a hard day of polo or horse riding or yachting, watching the exploits of superstars I could be proud of. Warriors like The Dynamite Kid, Jimmy Super Fly Snuka, and Jake Roberts. MAGGIE (annoyed) And would any of them be the tag title challengers? MONEYMAKER (ignoring Mags) These men were upstanding citizens with impeccable moral fiber and first class attitudes. Quite unlike the filthy lezzies who shame not only the oaoast, but the nation as a whole by holding the tag team titles. Time and time again have I laid out masterful weaponry in order to defeat the monster of lesbianism. Each time the dyke demon beats back my efforts, and digs it's heels deeper into American soil. The tentacles of the lesbian monster reach near and far, turning dirty dykes into role models for our youth, and signaling the death kneel of a doomed America! It's grown so strong, so brazen, that Krista and her half breed sex-partner Alix.... MAGGIE (disgusted) Half breed? MONEYMAKER (cont) Have attempted to use their lesbian witchcraft to infiltrate and pervert the mind of sweet, innocent, and fully heterosexual, Mackenzie DeCenzo. MAGGIE Boo-hoo! Excuse me while I hunt for the world's smallest violin. Our eighteen year old interviewer uses the search for the world's smallest violin to escape the world's biggest bigot, disappearing off stage. Moneymaker doesn't seem to notice Maggie's exit, as he picks up the microphone and continues his rambling. MONEYMAKER Perhaps if I lived in simpler, better times, I'd be able to round up a party of like minded men, tie these devil women to the stake, and let the flames of the lord burn the demons from our country. Yet, I can not. I have to place my faith in others. And what happens? I'm constantly let down. Why is that? Because of the men I have selected for the task! A Samoan, a race so insignificant their biggest name is a man who played the faggot in a Vince Vaughn movie, a Canadian, a country with the sorest assholes on the earth from all the political fence riding they do, and two Germans who look like they probably clean Michael Cole's pool on the weekend! BWAHAHHA! Moneymaker takes a second to compose himself after his oh-so hilarious comment. MONEYMAKER What I...no what this country needs are men of honor. Men of morality who possess unrivaled athletic prowess. Unfortunately I will not find those men in today's oaoast tag scene because it is littered with sideshow freaks, drunks, druggies, homos, faggot enablers, Jews, ethnic minorities, and mentally handicapped mongs. Because of that I have to go back through the pages of the OAOAST history book to find the one tag team that has upheld the cultural, political, and religious values of this great land, while also maintaining undeniable athletic talent. That is why, through careful business dealings, shady go betweens and tense negations, I am able to inform you that next week's challengers for Chicks Over Dicks tag team titles will be two time OAOAST tag team champions, and sports entertainment legends, Spider Poet and EL Dandy, Los Infernales. BWAHAHAAH! The arena audience reacts with utter shock to the billion dollar heir's announcement. Their gasps of surprise bring a sharp grin to the chiseled face of Mister Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER But onto other topics. I have been deluged with hatemail by the very vocal, but very wrong, liberal minority, asking me to “back off” Krista and Alix. They plead with me to stop being so hard on them. They say it's none of my business who they sleep with. Wrong. It's all of my business. For one thing they've attempted to use their carpet munching trickery to lure Mackenzie into their stable of inequity! And for another thing, the lord, my guiding Shepard, has told me that it is my business. God has made them dykes so that he may destroy them. They are a vessel of his wrath. I am simply the chosen executioner sent to carry out the final judgment. Some may wish to save them, so may wish to convert them, I just really want to destroy them and everyone like them. BWAHHHA! As Moneymaker continues his frighteningly insane laughter the scene fades into commercial COMMERCIAL BIFF ATLAS MATCH? MAYBE? The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling. Yankee Doodle Dandy plays, as an outdoor setting is shown. (voiceover) Summer is upon us... Cut to a wideshot of a teen-aged boy doing a cannonball off the diving board at a public pool. Which means the month of our Independence isn't far behind. Cut to a family sitting at a picnic table in their backyard, laughing, then to Alf delivering the Five-Star Alf Splash to Chris Stevens. And that means, the cookouts... Cut to a man turning a hot dog on the grill, then to Felix Strutter drilling Thunderkid with the Thunder Bay Throttle. The apple pie... Cut to a woman setting a pie on the table, then to Jumbo flattening a jobber with the XL splash. And don't forget... Cut to a child eating a large piece of watermelon. (yeah i no what ur thinking u racist) The American Pasttime. Cut to a group of kids playing wiffleball, then the screen quickly goes dark. ...yeah, right. Cut to Jamie O'Hara cracking Vinny Valentine with a bat, followed by several clips of violent acts by WDW superstars. On July 14, your real American Pasttime comes to Pay-Per-View. The montage ends with a smiling Alf standing on the second rope, holding his belt, then the screen fading to black. World Domination Wrestling presents Declaration of Invalescence! LIVE, July 14, only on pay-per-view! Cut to Axel in a stylish suit, in a black background. AXEL WE can NOT tell a lie. Commercials "LIGHTNING CREW!" The opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts up as the crowd stands up and boos. The AngleTron shows a picture of Cuban Wall posing in front of a Cuban flag with CUBAN WALL written to the right side of the screen in big white blocky letters. Strobe lights appear on the entrance set, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* A few seconds later, the entrance doors slide open, and Cuban Wall comes out to loud boos. Wall has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd and pumps his right fist into the air, then proceeds to walk to the ring, his eyes focused soley on it, with a serious expression on his face. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship! Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs. He is the Muscle for The Lightning Crew, AND is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion. CUBANNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall shadow boxes a little bit, and then enters the ring over the top rope. COLE Cuban Wall defending his title once again, this time on HeldDOWN~!. COACH Cuban Wall has been a damn good Champion thus far, and his reign has only lasted two months! Imagine what he can do the longer his reign goes! COLE Well, it could end tonight if Spanish Fly beats him! COACH HA! Like that will happen? No, I smell another successful title defense for the Wall tonight! COLE Speaking of smell, when's the last time you took a bath? Geeze! COACH I'm a cologne man, myself. Cuban Wall stands in the middle of the ring and does The Lightning Crew Salute, and then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. Wall then jaws with the fans as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Wall heads to a second turnbuckle, and raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his right hand in the air, then gets off the second turnbuckle and shadow boxes while waiting for his opponent as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Cuban Wall hands the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over to referee Mickey Jay, who raises it over his head to let everyone know that it's a title match. He then hands the belt over to a ringside attendant. COLE Alot of history between these two. Lightning Crew members are about to go at it one-on-one for the 24/7 Title! COACH And like always, big will beat little! Crush him, even! The lights go down in the arena. Two spotlights shine on the entrance. After five seconds... *KA-BOOM~!* Spanish Fly shoots out from underneath the entrance stage with pyro right behind him. Spanish Fly raises his right fist in the air causing the crowd to cheer. "Krokodilamadurinn" by Quarashi starts playing as Spanish Fly points to both sides of the arena and then walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. The challenger. Originally from Tijuana, Mexico but now residing in San Diego, California. Weighing in at 175 lbs. He is a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. SPANISHHHHHHHHHH FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! COLE Spanish Fly debuted in the OAOAST back in December of 2003 as a member of The Lightning Crew. He was kicked out of The LC back in June of 2004, but has had some success since then, including a short reign as one-half of the HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions with Colombian Heat. But he has yet to win a singles title. That might change tonight! COACH Well, it's time for the little man to be brought back to reality. COLE Haven't people told enough short jokes in the three years he's been here? COACH Cole, LOOK at him! He's a walking target for jokes. You just gotta accept that. Spanish Fly enters the ring and gets on a second turnbuckle raising his hands in the air to cheers. Spanish Fly gets off the turnbuckle and gets on another second turnbuckle, raising his hands in the air recieving another pop from the crowd. Cuban Wall stares at him with nothing but evil intentions on his mind. COLE I would think his talent would stop all the short jokes. COACH Nah. They just bring more attention to his shortness, which equals more jokes. It's not rocket science, Michael! Fly gets off the turnbuckle and looks at Cuban Wall. Fly looks a little worried. Wall stares down Spanish Fly. Mickey Jay pats down Wall, and then pats down Fly. He goes over the rules with them, and then calls for the bell. The lights go back in the arena and "Krokodilamadurinn" by Quarashi dies down. *DING DING DING* OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP CUBAN WALL (Champion) vs. SPANISH FLY (Challenger) Cuban Wall goes for a clothesline, but Spanish Fly ducks, and attacks! Forearm shot after forearm shot rocks the big man! COLE And Spanish Fly starting this match on top! Fly grabs Wall's right arm and whips him into the ropes. He follows with a front dropkick! This causes Cuban Wall to fall through the ropes and onto the floor! COLE And Cuban Wall has just been taken out of the ring by Spanish Fly! COACH Don't let him psych you out, Wall! Remember, you're BIGGER than he is! Cuban Wall is standing on the outside. He is taking a breather. Suddenly, Spanish Fly charges forward, leaps onto the top turnbuckle, and then flies off, hitting Cuban Wall with a crossbody block on the outside! COLE And Spanish Fly with a big time move! COACH Oh no! Spanish Fly and Cuban Wall are down on the ground. The crowd is cheering loudly. Fly is already breathing hard. Spanish Fly gets up. COACH Cuban Wall is down! WHY? COLE Spanish Fly is using his speed to his advantage to win his first singles title in the OAOAST! Spanish Fly picks Cuban Wall up and throws him back into the ring. Fly follows. He stomps on Cuban Wall, and then does a standing moonsault onto him! The cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT! Spanish Fly remains on top of CW and starts punching him in the face. Spanish Fly picks Cuban Wall up and goes to whip him into the ropes. However, Wall won't budge. Fly tries again. Wall still won't budge. Cuban Wall kicks Fly in the gut, and then simply throws him onto the mat! COACH Look how easy that was for Cuban Wall! He picked Spanish Fly up and threw him like he was nothing! Cuban Wall drops an elbow onto Spanish Fly's chest! He gets up, and then drops a leg across his throat! He does it a second time! And then a third time! Cuban Wall grabs Spanish Fly and whips him into the ropes. He follows with a sidewalk slam! COLE Sidewalk Slam by Cuban Wall on Spanish Fly! COACH He's got him now! Cuban Wall covers Spanish Fly, hooking his left leg. ONE! TWO!! THR--KICK OUT! COLE Maybe not! COACH Shut up. Cuban Wall is a little annoyed, but he still continues on. Wall gets up, and then picks Spanish Fly up by his mask. "LET'S GO FLY!" "LET'S GO FLY!" "LET'S GO FLY!" "LET'S GO FLY!" COLE This crowd desperately trying to rally Spanish Fly back into this match! COACH We're moments away from another successful title defense, Mikey! I can feel it! Cuban Wall nails Spanish Fly with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms. Wall tells the crowd to "SHUT UP YOUR FACES!" He then goes back to the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms. CW scoops SF up into a fallaway slam position. COACH Uh-oh! Here it comes! Cuban Wall charges forward, hitting Spanish Fly's back against a turnbuckle. He then charges forward again, hitting Spanish Fly's back against a second turnbuckle. Wall charges forward a third time, hitting Spanish Fly's back against the third turnbuckle. Wall finishes it off with the fourth turnbuckle, and then completes his signature move with a powerslam! COLE Cuban Wall just PULVERIZING Spanish Fly's back! Wall goes for the cover. It gets two! "LET'S GO FLY!" "LET'S GO FLY!" COACH Wall is doing good thus far! COLE Indeed he is, Coach! And that is part of the reason he has held the 24/7 Title since AngleMania VI! COACH Part of the reason? COLE Well that, and The Lightning Crew's help! COACH Oh get off it, Cole! Get off it! Cuban Wall picks Spanish Fly up. He nails him right in the face with a right jab! He then nails Fly in the face with ANOTHER right jab! Spanish Fly staggers, but he doesn't fall! Cuban Wall grabs Fly, and whips him into a turnbuckle. Cuban Wall heads to the opposite corner, and then starts his engines. The crowd boos. Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he charges forward... ...SPANISH FLY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!... ...CUBAN WALL HITS TURNBUCKLE! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE He missed! COACH WHAT!? Spanish Fly hops onto the second turnbuckle, and waits for Cuban Wall to get near him. Once he's near him, Fly grabs Cuban Wall in a facelock, and then pushes himself off the second turnbuckle, spinning around, and then driving Wall's head into the mat with a DDT! COLE Tornado DDT! Spanish Fly takes a moment to catch his breath, and then makes the cover, hooking Wall's right leg. ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICK OUT! COLE Cuban Wall kicked out just in the nick of time! COACH Come on Wall! Don't let this little pipsqueak pull off the upset! This is YOUR title! Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes. Senton! Spanish Fly exits the ring. He then leaps onto the top ring rope and springboards off of it, dropping his left leg across Cuban Wall's throat! He goes for the cover again! Two count! COLE He might do it! He might pull it off! "FLY!" "FLY!" "FLY!" "FLY!" Spanish Fly exits the ring and climbs the top rope. He waits for Cuban Wall to get up. COLE Spanish Fly is up top! Wall might be in trouble! Spanish Fly motions for Wall to get up. Cuban Wall is on his side. COACH Look out! Wall, look out! Behind you! Behind you! Cuban Wall slowly gets up. He's on his right knee. COLE Cuban Wall might be on the verge of losing his 24/7 Title! COACH No! He's not! Don't jinx him! DON'T! Wall slowly stands up. He's a little dazed. Cuban Wall turns around. Spanish Fly leaps off the top rope. Hurricarana? HURRICARANA! COLE I don't believe it! The 4'11" Spanish Fly has taken down the 6'7" Cuban Wall with a hurricarana! COACH OH NO! Spanish Fly can't believe it either! But he doesn't stand in awe for long! 1! 2! CUBAN WALL THROWS SPANISH FLY OFF OF HIM! COLE The power! The strength of Cuban Wall! This is amazing! I can't believe he did that! Spanish Fly covers Cuban Wall. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Cuban Wall barely kicked out! Just barely! COACH Wall is playing possum! That's all he's doing! No way can Spanish Fly ALMOST beat him! COLE What? Come on now! Spanish Fly picks Cuban Wall up. Because he's so big, Fly has a little difficulty doing so. SF nails CW with some forearms. Spanish Fly gives Cuban Wall an Irish whip into the ropes--Wall reverses--Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes, Cuban Wall goes for a clothesline, Spanish Fly ducks, bounces off the opposite ropes, and hits Cuban Wall with a front dropkick from behind before he even knows what hit him! Cuban Wall stumbles right onto the second ring rope! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Spanish Fly is going for it! He could going for the kill! COACH Oh no! Look out! The crowd comes alive! They stand up and cheer loudly. Spanish Fly smiles a wide smile. He looks at the crowd. SPANISH FLY 6-1-9! Spanish Fly bounces off the ropes, charges forward, grabs the top and second ring ropes, and swings his body forward-- CUBAN WALL MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! Spanish Fly swings himself 360 degrees and lands back in the ring! Where Cuban Wall grabs him with his bare hands and lifts him up onto his shoulders! WALLBREAKER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 COLE Wallbreaker! Cuban Wall has hit the Wallbreaker on Spanish Fly! COACH Yes! I knew he could do it! The crowd boos! Cuban Wall sneers at Spanish Fly, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps up and crashes down onto Spanish Fly with THE LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE The Lightning Crew Splash! Forget about it! Cuban Wall sneers at Spanish Fly some more, and then covers Fly, hooking both legs. Mickey Jay counts. 1! 2!! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (4:09) COLE And Cuban Wall retains the OAOAST 24/7 Title! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing as Cuban Wall gets up. Mickey Jay raises Wall's hands in victory, but Wall quickly snatches his hands away! Spanish Fly lies on the mat in pain. BUFFER Here is your winner...and STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...CUBANNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Cuban Wall stares down angrily at Spanish Fly. Mickey Jay hands Wall the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, which Wall raises over his head to boos. COLE Cuban Wall has once again retained the 24/7 Title! Spanish Fly put up a fight, but in the end, Wall's size and strength overcame Spanish Fly's speed and agility! COACH The story of Fly's life! COLE Spanish Fly put up an effort! Can't you give him credit for that? COACH Nope! Cuban Wall looks down at Spanish Fly...and then starts stomping on him! COLE Oh come on now! Hasn't he had enough!? COACH Wall apparently doesn't think so! The crowd boos loudly! Cuban Wall continues stomping on Spanish Fly despite the bell ringing repeatedly! COACH Come on! When does that ever work!? "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Cuban Wall continues stomping on Fly. Mickey Jay tells Wall to stop, but Wall shoves him aside. Mickey Jay orders Wall to stop again! *DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING* COLE This is uncalled for! Spanish Fly is in horrible pain! COACH Yeah? Well, big whoop! COLE Don't you feel the LEAST bit of sympathy of Fly? COACH Hmm...nah! Cuban Wall stops stomping Spanish Fly...so that he can bounce off the ropes and give him another Lightning Crew Splash! COLE The Lightning Crew Splash! Again! Why doesn't somebody stop this!? COACH Look at Wall! Would YOU try to stop this? COLE Get somebody out here to control this monster! Cuban Wall goes back to stomping Spanish Fly. CW picks a dazed and hurt Spanish Fly and scoops him up, giving him a bodyslam onto the mat! COLE Damnit! Even THAT is enough to severely hurt Spanish Fly! COACH Which is why he does it. I'm enjoying this! COLE You sick person! COACH Hey! Oh you said person. Nevermind. Cuban Wall rushes forward, bounces off the ropes--but stops in his tracks when COLOMBIAN HEAT enters the ring with a steel chair! COLE Colombian Heat has arrived! Colombian Heat drops the chair and starts punching Cuban Wall in the face repeatedly! Cuban Wall swings wildly, but gets nothing but air! Heat, however, gets plenty of Wall's face! COLE We all know the history between these two! Colombian Heat attacks with lefts and rights! Once he's got Cuban Wall good and groggy, he picks up the steel chair and smashes it over Cuban Wall's head! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Wall got hit with the chair! COACH But he's still standing! Look! Indeed he is! But he IS stumbling! Colombian Heat drops the chair back onto the mat, and waits for Cuban Wall to get near him. When he does, Heat kicks Wall in the stomach, and then gives him the PIMP JUICE~! right onto the chair! COLE Pimp Juice! Pimp Juice from Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat gets up and does a SHIMMY~! He plays to the crowd some more! Heat kicks Cuban Wall, so Wall rolls out of the ring, holding his head. COLE Colombian Heat has struck, saving his best friend from Cuban Wall! COACH He'll get Heat! Wall has always hated Heat! He'll get him once and for all! Cuban Wall is kneeling down on the outside. Colombian Heat grabs the dented steel chair and checks on Spanish Fly, who is holding his chest and stomach. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Cuban Wall grabs his OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt and slowly gets up. COLE Cuban Wall may have retained the 24/7 Title, but he sure doesn't look like a winner right now! COACH He'll look like a winner after he beats the crap out of Colombian Heat soon! When, I don't know! But Colombian Heat's not going to go unpunished for what he did! COLE He came to the aid of his friend! How is that wrong? COACH Cuban Wall was just having a little fun! COLE HAVING A LITTLE FUN!? Coach, were you and I watching the same thing!? COACH Yes. Cuban Wall enjoys hurting people. Let him have his fun! I'm certainly not going to stop him! COLE Well, somebody thankfully did! Colombian Heat goes back and forth between checking on Fly and looking at Cuban Wall walk up the entrance ramp with the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt in his right hand. "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. Heat yells out, "Yo ass iz mine, fool!" to Wall. Wall just shrugs it off. COLE Spanish Fly was saved from a brutal beatdown by Colombian Heat! But Cuban Wall is STILL the 24/7 Champion! COACH And will be for quite some time! I mean, who can stop him? COLE It looks like we may have found the guy! COACH Colombian Heat? HA! Give me a break! COLE You never know! COACH If Colombian Heat beats Cuban Wall for the 24/7 Title, I'll kiss another man! COLE Well, better find a handsome man Coach, because it might just happen! COACH Well, just incase, I hope it's Brad Pitt. COLE ....Let's just move on. Fans, we'll be right back. Colombian Heat holds up the steel chair threatening more pain for Cuban Wall. Spanish Fly is still in horrible pain, holding his head, chest, and stomach. Cuban Wall jaw jacks with Colombian Heat, and then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his right hand over his head. Colombian Heat says, "I wants dat belt!" Cuban Wall says, "No chance in Hell!" They continue jaw jacking with each other. Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall point menacingly at each other. Colombian Heat yells at Cuban Wall, his face red with ANGER~! while "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull continues playing. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK * COMMERCIAL BREAK *

And now, the OAOAST NOGGIN KNOCKER OF THE WEEK! Last Week Forearm shivers and kicks to the legs and body rattle the 6’7” Texan, who is then fired into the buckle. But he gets the BOOT up as Lucius charges in, sending him staggering out of the corner and in perfect position for a BULLDOG!! COLE Bulldog! He got him with the bulldog! We’re gonna have new champions! Desperate times call for desperate measures, and sensing their tag titles are in trouble Rico reaches into his bag of sleazy tricks, grabbing one of the tag belts from the timekeeper’s table. With Melody occupied with the welfare of Jock, Rico has a clear shot at Baron. He slithers inside the ring like the snake in the grass that he is… “YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ONE… TWO… THR-- …and is WALLOPED between the eyes by a LOGAN MANN RUNNING AXEHANDLE SMASH!!! * DINGDINGDING * Logan mounts on top of Rico just as he did Sunday night at hammers away. COACH I told you, Cole. This guy is an egomaniac. What business does he have out here? COLE Protecting a friend. COACH And I think he just cost them the tag titles again. With friends like that... The arena falls in a hush silence as Baron yanks Logan off of Rico and gives him a mouthful. Logan doesn’t even bother to explain himself and walks away, but Baron brings him back face to face which doesn‘t go over well with Mann. Tensions really rise as the two BUTT heads. COLE What in the world is going on? These guys are ready to tear at each other’s throats. Meanwhile, Melody reassumes her role as peacemaker but neither side wants to hear of her “make love, not war” garbage, even though that’s more of a COD thing but she doesn’t want to see friends fight. “YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The crowd reacts as HOLLY-WOOD and SYNTH make their way to the ring. But Synth isn’t there to defuse the situation, he tries to ignite it, shoving Baron who retaliates in kind. Lost in the mayhem is Jock Mulligan. At least EMTs are there checking on him. OAOAST officials soon follow. They assist Jock and get between the Heavenly Rockers and Baron. Melody can be heard apologizing to Holly and asking if they’re still friends. Holly just wants to calm her man. COLE An explosive situation to say the least! COLE Indeed it was one week ago tonight. Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen. Up next, a pre-recorded interview conducted earlier in the day by Jonathan Coachman with the Lone Star Gunslingers. But we’d first like to revisit the situation that occurred this past weekend on our nationally syndicated television program. Following last Thursday’s events OAOAST matchmakers immediately booked Rico de Janeiro and Logan Usher Mann in a singles match and yet another chapter was written in the on-going saga between the Heavenly Rockers and Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Let’s view that in its entirety. * SWOOSH * Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated SCHIAVONE About set to go with our main event this week on OAOAST Pro Wrestling, or so we believe. Rico de Janeiro, shall we say…a bit hesitant to step inside, Jesse Ventura. VENTURA I would too against a mad man like Logan Mann. He’s gone off the deep end, Schiavone. The guy ought to be placed in a psyche ward. He shouldn’t be allowed to compete in his current mental state. It’s not an athletic competition to him anymore, he wants to cripple and maim Rico! Fed up with Rico’s stall tactics Logan chases after the King of the Mardi Gras. Rico sprints around the squared circle and rolls inside, only to exit again and right in front of Holly-Wood. As Logan approaches he decides to shield himself behind Holly who is held against her will. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan channels his inner Randy Savage, swinging over the top rope and down to the floor, and then holds onto the top of his leather pants as he POINTS THE FINGER at the man with the porno mustache. SCHIAVONE Would you look at this? Logan’s own wife is being used as a human shield by that sleaze ball. VENTURA I suppose Rico’s line of thinking is, if it worked for Teddy Moneymaker it’ll work for me too. The only problem with that is Holly isn’t your typical damsel in distress. The Angel of Death proves Jesse correct. She stomps Rico’s foot and SLAPS the taste out of his mouth! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Floored by a running elbow square between the eyes Rico is then whipped into the guardrail, and tumbles into the crowd following a back elbow! Logan asks the fans to steer clear as he pulls the railing further out towards ringside and ascends to the top. DOUBLE AXE HANDLE SMASH! VENTURA Aw, look at this illegal double-team, Schiavone. SCHIAVONE I beg your pardon? VENTURA A slap changed the course of the match. So tell me, how come Holly is allowed out here but “Sweet” Lucius Soul isn’t? SCHIAVONE Because she has a valid manager’s license, Jesse. VENTURA Oh, come on. When’s the last time anybody’s checked the registry? My old manager, the late great “Classy” Freddy Blassie is probably still listed as active despite being retired and dead. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” The crowd reacts appropriately as “SWEET” LUCIUS SOUL wanders ringside brandishing a LAMINATED CARD. LOGAN SCHIAVONE I couldn’t have said it better myself. Lucius summons referee Earl Hebner and flashes his badge, so to speak. Our fine cameraman eavesdrops on the two and zooms in on the card that reads: “TEMPORARY MANAGER’S LICENSE -- LUCIUS SOUL.” VENTURA Genius! SCHIAVONE I beg to differ. In fact, I bet he got that on the Black Market. Logan dumps Rico over the railing and suplexes him back inside. ONE… KICKOUT! Irish whip to the buckle, and Rico is back dropped in the center of the ring. Now on the top rope Logan spreads his “wings” and flies, spiking both knees onto the chest of Rico de Janeiro! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Lucius yanks Rico outside and the ire of the referee. Just as Earl Hebner is about to call for the bell Logan DIVES THROUGH THE ROPES AND WIPES OUT THE MGHWC!! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Logan concentrates his attack on Lucius, hammering him with sharp left jabs and a mighty right hand. But it gives Rico all the time he needs to regroup and Logan is leveled by a clothesline. Holly struggles to remain poised as Rico removes one of the protective pads ringside and delivers a GUTWRENCH SUPLEX ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR! VENTURA It looks to me Rico wants to target the ribs he and Lucius went after at School’s Out. If you remember -- and you probably don’t since you never what to give the Home Wrecking Crew any credit -- it wasn’t until they stopped focusing on the ribs that they began to lose control of the match. Holly defies Earl Hebener’s request to stay put in order to check on the welfare of her husband, but the senior official meant what he said and cuts her off at the path, leaving the Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew all to themselves with Logan Mann. SCHIAVONE That isn’t right at all. It’s 2 on 1 here. Holly just wanted to comfort her husband. VENTURA Yeah, and slip him a foreign object. You can’t trust a woman nicknamed the “Angel of Death.” Logan is rolled in and covered. Holly goes ballistic as Rico places his feet on the ropes for added leverage. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! In a rare show of emotion Holly pumps her fist. The action continues inside with an Irish whip and power body slam from Rico. The King of the Mardi Gras pops to his feet and drops the big leg across Mann’s chest and keeps it there for the pin. VENTURA My new favorite move in all of wrestling, the Porno 'Stache Leg drop. SCHIAVONE That lackadaisical cover isn’t going to get it done. ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Logan gets the shoulder up. He’s whipped hard into the corner and almost straight out, but Rico charges forward and drives Logan back into the turnbuckles. Mann is turned around and punished with shoulder thrusts and forearm shots to the ribs. Rico sets him on the top rope for a back superplex but Logan lands an elbow to the temple, sending de Janeiro flying down to the mat! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” The crowd senses a second win and rally behind Logan, who flies off the top...and right into the arms of Rico de Janeiro! Rico smashes Logan ribs-first into the near and far corners before placing him mid-ring in a BEAR HUG! * cricket, cricket * VENTURA You can hear a pin drop Tony. Rico just silenced 10,000 strong in the arena. Ha! SCHIAVONE One has to wonder just how much longer Logan can go given the damage done to his ribs. Logan’s eyelids begin to droop as Rico squeezes and squeezes. Earl Hebner raises Mann’s arm and it drops. ONE! He checks again. Same result. TWO! One more time and it’s over. THREE-- NO!! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” SCHIAVONE Oh, yeah! Logan’s still very much alive. “LOGAN!” “LOGAN!” “LOGAN!” A series of left hands rock Rico but Logan is still unable to break the bear hug, so he BITES Rico on the bridge of his nose and that gets the job done! VENTURA (sarcastically) I’m glad to see the rules are still enforced, Schiavone. Logan bites Rico right in front of the referee and the guy just stands there. Wonderful. Rico shakes it off and lunges at Logan, who blocks a clothesline attempt and counters with a FLOAT OVER DDT!! SCHIAVONE Percussion! All Logan has to do now is cover Rico and it’s over. But Logan isn’t capable of making the cover because he landed hard on his ribs. With both men down the referee begins to administer the mandatory 10 count. ONE… TWO… THREE… Logan begins to stir, followed by Rico. FOUR… FIVE… SIX… Both are halfway up when Rico falls to his knees. SEVEN… EIGHT… NINE… Lucius jumps on the apron to disrupt the count as Rico struggles to return to his feet. Logan grabs Soul by the collar and cocks his fist. Everyone wants to see Lucius get his except the referee. Hebner gets between both men in hopes of separating them, but Logan has a death grip on Soul and refuses to let go. Not only does Lucius fear for his safety but his partner’s as well, so he digs into his pant pocket and tosses BRASS KNUCKLES to Rico. SCHIAVONE The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew are like a cat with 9 lives, Jesse. Don’t tell me they’re going to eek another one out. This match should be over already. There is no way Rico was going to meet the 10 count. VENTURA The Big Easy isn’t an easy place to operate sometimes. You always gotta have protection in hand. Rico has a surprise for Logan and Holly has a surprise for Rico. The Angel of Death sneaks up on Rico after removing the STEEL CHAIN tied from her pocket to belt buckle and wrapping it around her fist. VENTURA Seeing all this, it’s pretty obvious cheating runs in the family. You got Soul trying to protect his buddy, and then you got Holly trying to cheat for her old man. SCHIAVONE Well, you said it yourself, Jesse -- you always gotta have protection. VENTURA That’s it. After the program it’s you and me, one on one, Schiavone. I told you many-a times about quoting me and you haven‘t listened. 3 strikes and you‘re out. How’s that for continuity? Hilarity ensues as Rico taps Logan on the shoulder as Holly taps him on his. Then tragedy strikes. Both men turn around simultaneously… RICO …but Rico ducks and Holly’s right cross drills Logan flush on the jaw! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” HOLLY SCHIAVONE My goodness, Holly accidentally K.O.’d her own husband! VENTURA The hell she did. She stood by her man and her man is Rico de Janeiro! SCHIAVONE No, he isn’t. It was an accident and you know it. Rico KISSES Holly and shoves her to the ground, then covers Logan. Lucius ends his frivolous argument, because the ref wasn’t standing around watching as all this went down, and the count is made. SCHIAVONE No. No. No! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… RICO DE JANEIRO! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lucius raises Rico’s hand in triumph, all while standing over the body of Logan Mann. Earl Hebner escorts them to the corner so that Holly can to tend to Logan. SCHIAVONE Jesse Ventura is on his way to the ring to interview the winner. But I still can’t believe what just transpired moments ago, as Holly-Wood accidentally knocked out Logan. :: Cue Replay :: As the replay will show, she tried to help her husband but it backfired in a costly way. :: End Replay:: I’m being told Jesse has made it ringside. Let’s go to him right now. The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew greet Jesse with a smile and handshake as they climb down the steel steps and set foot on the arena floor. VENTURA Rico de Janeiro, congratulations on a helluva victory. RICO Body, the King of the Mardi Gras, he took everything that punk Logan Mann dished at him. Every trick in the book and he still couldn’t get the job done, mang. It just goes to show never underestimate the heart of a champion. VENTURA Absolutely. There are guys who wouldn’t have survived half of what you had to go through to win the match, Logan Mann being one of them. RICO As much as I’d love to take full credit for my performance, I had some help. Holly-Wood, I can’t thank you enough. She proved beyond a shadow of a doubt she wants to be liberated and lubricated by the King of the Mardi Gras. VENTURA Don’t I know it. She wants you and she wants you bad, Rico. You can see it in her eyes. RICO Logan Mann, you countin’ sleep right now, but when you come to remember one thing, chico…don’t hate me because I’m simply irresistible. LUCIUS And a champion, foo. The HI-YAH tag team champions are prepared to head backstage when HOLLY FLIES OFF THE TOP AND ONTO THEM BELOW! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” She clubs Rico in the back of the head until Lucius yanks her off. Rico dusts himself off and confronts Holly. RICO You want to embarrass me? Chica, all I got to ask is, "Who wants a moustache ride?" SCHIAVONE Oh, no! He wouldn’t dare! Even Jesse thinks Rico is about to go overboard, begging him not to go through with the Moustache Ride. “YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The crowd EXPLODES as SYNTH rushes towards the area and cleans house on the Home Wrecking Crew. Already satisfied with their work Rico and Lucius live to fight another day. * SWOOSH * As previously mentioned, we cut to the pre-taped interview with the Lone Star Gunslingers in the locker room. COACH Well, fellas, the fans at home have just finished re-watching the Rico de Janeiro-Logan Mann match from this past weekend and prior to that your encounter with the Heavenly Rockers last week. Now, my question to you is one that is on the minds of fans worldwide and that’s what is up with you and the Heavenly Rockers? It was only a few weeks ago that you guys were the best of friends. MELODY But we are still friends. I mean, tempers flare during the heat of the moment. Baron may have overreacted… BARON Hold on there Melody. I didn’t overreact to nothin’. You wanna know what this is about, Coachman? Jealousy. Jock and I have been catchin’ on like wildfire and the Heavenly Rockers are startin’ to worry about their place in the hearts of fans around the world. We’re at a level in the ring they have yet to reach in 3-plus years in the OAOAST. All they have to fall back on is the OAOAST tag team championship they won, so they’re willing to undercut us to secure their current place in history. JOCK You know, the first time Logan cost us the HI-YAH tag title he said he was just watching our backs. We took his word for it at the time because it never crossed our minds a man as rich and famous as him would feel threaten by a couple of kids looking to make it big in the toughest sport of them all. To quote a phrase, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” You ain’t foolin’ anyone now, Heavenly Rockers. Baron and I have worked too long and hard to fall short of our goal of winning the tag team championship. So if we can’t get along, we’ll get it on. Let’s go. Melody chases after the Gunslingers as they ride off into the sunset. MELODY Guys, come on. Let’s not talk like that. They’re our friends! COACH Melody seems to think the Gunslingers and Heavenly Rockers can salvage their friendship. I say she’s all T & A and no brains. COLE I don't agree with that assessment at all, Coach. Regardless of your ignorant opinions we will return with Melody's little sister Maggie interviewing Theodore Moneymaker. COMMERCIAL