Patty O'Green

As ya'll can read in Parka's post in the HD folder, he's bidding farwell to the OAOAST. What would you like to do about the X Division Belt. Hold a tournament to crown a new champ? Hold a battle royal? Unify it with the 24/7 title or the Heartland title? Forget it exits instead of having four singles titles on the show(five if you count the HI-YAH belt)? What's up, kiddos?

If I forgot your match in the rundown of AM matches, then I'm terribly sorry. I just took the matches from the booking thread and pieced it together from there. Nice show. It seemed short, but I'm starting to think that's not such a bad thing.

This doesn't really need anything , but I did add some very small things to Moe's speech to make him seem a bit more "street"

I ain't no damn liar, you cokeheads. Everyone came through with good matches. It could just be me, but it was nice to have an eight or nine match ppv, instead of trying to cram a bunch of random characters on there and have a 13 match ppv like we did with Climax 2005. The graphics were beautiful and all glittery. And I like glitter. The slot machine was a nice touch. Roll thick. Crazy love to Papa for continuing to make graphics even though he's not an active writer anymore. Crazy love! Respect to Axel for putting the show together. A thankless job if there ever was one. Melody&Jade>>>>>>>>>>>Triple C. Down with Triple C. Up with MeloAde. Good battle royal. Hoff, Melody is The Sk8r Boiz sister, who I created for reasons I don't know. I edited in the Heat/X match but haven't been able to read it. X's mock t-shirt looks cool though. EWC did apologize for being late, and said he'd try to get his stuff in on time, which I thought was sweet. Sweeter then a man who calls another human being a “donkey raping shit eater” has any right to be. Such venom! Such vulgarity! I love it. Tag TitlesThe NNMX/Rockers feud has been my absolute favorite in the 3+ years I've wasted my miserable life here. I'd like to think I had 0.0000001% to do with it's awesomeness. But the other 99.9% goes to Mister 149. Loved the brutality of match, and loved the happy ending. Great way to blow off a feud that's stretched for over a year. Get on wit yo bad self, Tony. I did add some stuff to Logan's post match victory like you said I could, but I forgot to tell you! Anyway The Rockers old publicist, Patrick O'Green, approves of this blessed union. Biggest celeb hookup since Beniffer pt1. Get Us Weekly/ in on this hot mess. I wonder if Ned has to pay child support if he's unemployed? My match! Los Diablos had a pretty wild entrance also, but that among other things had to get the ax as the damn thing was already long enough. I'm glad (and very surprised) people liked the match. Thank ya! TK/Reject::Glad to see getting the shit knocked out of them by rape fetishists last year didn't deter Kiss from being at AM. The match wasn't a violent war like I expected, but it was still solid. SSP to the outside is a groovy spot. I'm fairly certain TK and Reject will fight again with more intensity as their feud heats up. Two for da $$$$! Breezy, and fun match. Lots of Anglemania moments there. Would've been an awesome affair to see in real life. As I told Zack when he and I discussed the match while he was still writing it, the lung blower spot was the siiiiiiiiickest in a match full of siiiiiiiick spots. If I was Faqu, I'd jerk off in Blonde's shoe for revenge. Fuck that dude, that's bad style. The triple suplex was way rad also. Now the intrigue is on when and where Zack will use his title shot. Or will someone wind up beating him for that title shot on a show a few months down the line? Anyway, Zack told me he wanted to make it an epic match, and I believe he pulled it off! I think the horrible disgusting human being in all of us throughly enjoys watching people batter and destroy their bodies for meager restitution. That's why we like ladder matches. I'll play 35 dollars for this PPV, or 10$ for this indy show and you in turn will cause yourself a lifetime of nagging injuries in exchange for a token “MATCH OF THE YEAR” chant. The Two for the money and the 24/7 title satisfied the barbaric savage within. The more physical misery we watch others experience, the better we feel emotionally. Fact. 24/7 TITLE MATCH:LL Cool J? Coach has it all wrong, Cannibus' dis was weak, LL killed him on his answer back. He even got at Tyson on that joint. The electric chair spot off the ladder was nice, because I imagine the back of one's neck snapping off the bottom rope after a drop that high would hurt like hell. The bout felt more like a personal, hate filled brawl, then a series of cool spots, which is good because it was a very personal feud. Now, I did enjoy seeing all the allies of PRL and Rodez getting involved, because they all had some sort of emotional stake in the feud. But I'd have to agree with the idea that having four people hold PRL down so Leon can reach the belt does make Rodez look a bit weak. Very entertaining affair, regardless. And it certainly did capture the big match feel we're looking for at AM. Respect to EWC, a man who doesn't rape donkeys! Shit, I think I know a girl who fucked the dude who represents Drek. I think he went to Hazelwood West high school. Every dude who went to Hazelwood West got some of that ass. Believe me. I videotaped. Black T Vs Drek & Hoff:First off, if I haven't said it already, lemme say it's good to have Hoff and Drek back. Good people, good writers, good lovers, good for the fed. And they actively participate by doing more then just writing promos and matches but also by leaving feedback and all that sweet jazz. Anyway onto the match. Enjoyable and thoroughly well written. For an example look no farther then the first paragraph of the actual “match”, where NYU writes a great description of a simple collar and elbow tie up. We get an expression of the physical goings on, as well as insight into the emotional element behind the move. Speaking of emotions, I really liked how NYU made sure to express the emotional psyche and reactions of each man as the bout went on. So it wasn't just some simple transcribed exhibition of moves. It was an actual retelling of a pro wrestling match with the emotional highs and lows that make a match great. Hopefully that made sense. I'm high on children's cough syrup. The whole thing was a pleasure to read. All four men came out looking like a billion bucks. Wild to see the characters of Drek and Hoff working together. Additionally, I enjoyed the use of facial expressions (sneering, smug smiles, etc) to showcase just how much these four despised each other. Liked this part: Makes it sound like the end of a novel or short story. Nice! Cute Rodez skit! WORLD TITLE: Terrible night for The Upstarts! Very good main event, with some nice dramatic moments. It stacks up very well with the past four AM mainevents. KingPK should be proud of himself. Match had some really good technical aspects, instead of just being a total brawl. Patty liked that. Patty liked that Patty could also follow and understand this technical wrestling. I thought Popick's involvement was handled well, as it enhanced the overall match, rather then take away from it. With Hoff and Drek around and Popick returning to ring action, the mainevent scene is pretty loaded. Patty sleepy. Patty says goodnight.

Seeing that there's hardly ever any matches on a post PPV show I may do a short match between Krista and one of those shiny gold mexican dudes. You know who I'm talking 'bout. Conqusomething. That's if KC let's me use them, and if I even have the time to spit my hot rhymes.

EVERYBODY Fallout from AM

The Heat/X match is edited in. And so is a PRL promo in which he calls Leon Rodez' a "donkey raping shit eater". You need no further motivation to go read it. I'll feedback the entire shoooooow late tonight.

And the equally horrible finale But Krista blocks the assault with a whirlwind like back kick, that doubles the conceited gladiator over and throws him at the mercy of her court. Judge Krista sentences him to death by double side Russian Leg sweep. Sje grapples onto one arm, while a slightly recovered Alix hooks the other. Putting a unique twist on a pedestrian move, the off-beat duo and their unwitting dupe perform a majestic front flip, causing the fans to raise up a titanic cheer for their innovation! While the girls stand up to bow to their fans, Wright lays in moaning fragments on the gritty ring floor. Miss California laughs cruelly, savoring the anguished expression on his visage. COLE Oh what a move! Speaking of titanic,a man who could've sunk the boat of that name by his lonesome is making his way to the top rope. Perhaps emboldened by the fact he didn't break any bones on his moonsault, Bohemoth is launching an aerial salvo that's sure to literally crush COD if successful. His grimy face twisted in lupine rage, he brandishes his arms in berserk fury as he readies himself for what should be a highlight reel worthy top rope double lariat. The problem is that Ally and Krissy aren't willing to be his personal crash test dummies. Thus they converge on the turnbuckles he's perched on. Before he can react, they shake the ropes, dislodging the king like eagle from his nest and plunging him crotch first onto the top pad! The ear splitting howl of the mortally wounded beast drowns out the rest of world, if only for a few seconds. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” scream the audience, who are tickled with delight at Bo's misfortune. Sly smiles pass on the girls' prepossessing features as they nod to each other, having the same insidious little thought. The two women scale the ropes, and the audience hollers in passionate anticipation. Yet their gratification is seemingly delayed indefinitely, when that vexatious Mister Wright, badly bruised face and all, yanks Alix off the turnbuckles. Bo breathes a heavy sigh of relief at his partner's heroic return. Ally lands perfectly on her feet, which is just to Wright's liking as it puts her in an excellent spot for him to gain a glimmer of revenge by pasting her with a right cross. Unfortunately Alix's speed is too much for his slow travellling fist, and she plasters him with a dangerous superkick! The volatile missile impacts gruesomely on the man's chin and propels the overwhelmed pugilist and his loosened teeth over the cables to the ring floor. Wright's busted body lies on the black mats, contorting in a series of shock induced spasms. “WRIGHT SUCKS! WRIGHT SUCKS!” bleat the observers. All this commotion has delayed the gal's double team move and permitted Bohemoth to return to his typically formidable form. He ruefully shoves Krista away from his body, and begins rising to his magnificent six feet seven inches. Alix thankfully catches Krista, as the king of the OAOAST jungle prepares to dismount his throne. Spreading his arms like unsheathed sabres, he surges from the turnbuckles, looking to cleave the ladies with his double lariat! But to the audience's glee, they duck the potential beheading! Bo lands squarely on his black boots, placing himself into the quite the unenviable predicament! His back is turned to his hated adversaries and they have no qualms about exploiting this atrocious position. Stereo dropkicks percuss into his shoulder blades with immeasurable force, pushing the caught unaware fighter into the ropes. He muzzily teeters on the cables, the depressing nature of being at COD's mercy washing over him like a bitter tidal wave. Unfortunately the problems continue to accumulate for the shellacked tanker, as who else should see him in his moment's vulnerability then Moracca, the luchadore he so cruelly clotheslined earlier in the match. Feeling that revenge is a dish best served cold [i]and[/i] sparkly, a giggling Moracca hops onto the ring apron and sweetly creeps towards Bohemoth. In his weakened and somewhat delirious state of mind, Bo actually believes that Moracca has come to assist him, and utters a genuine thank you towards the good Samaritan. Picture the abject horror that's written across Bo's countenance when Moracca venomously chucks a wad of [b][color=#3333CC]gli[/color][color=#FF3399]tter[/color][/b] into his face! COACH Get that fruit out of here! Sweet Virgin Mary, I'm about to blow chunks! CABOOSE Don't you get it? Los Diablos are COD's fairy god mothers. And a fairy god mother always watches out for her “children”. “YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT! YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT!!” echo the audience towards Bo, as Moracca hops off the apron and triumphantly pumps his crotch at the cheering fans. A livid red burning painfully perverts Bo's glitter soaked eyes, blinding the combatant and cutting the giant oak tree down to a harmless daisy. Unable to tell what's what or who's who, he's an appetizing feast for a blood lusting Krista. She wraps her hands around his sparkling face, and thunderclaps the giant into the unforgiving canvas with her oddly named finisher the [b]Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one![/b] (reverse face crusher)! The impact of the move earthquakes the surrounding area, and besieges Bohemoth with constraining woe. The rambunctious onlookers erupt in unison upon the extraordinary completion of KID's finisher, while their fairy god mothers, Los Diablos, clap on the outside. COACH No! Somebody, anybody, do something! Krista lays over Bo's sprawled out carcass for a pin. Alix makes it especially difficult for Bo to kick out by sitting on top of Krista. She crosses her legs and pantomimes smoking a cigarette to show how “easy” winning this affair was. Conveniently for the girls, Charles Robinson chooses this exact moment to stop playing Sleeping Beauty and start playing referee. He crawls over to the pinning scene and makes the count... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE [B]“YEAAAAAAAAAH!"[/B] COLE Alright! Christian Wright for all his tough talk was turned ineffectual at the end of this match, and Alix and Krista [i]And Then We Kiss[/i] takes a familiar position as the victorious theme song, as the euphoric audience members exchange high fives for a victory they had absolutely nothing to do with. The elated girls pass along celebratory hugs for their hard fought success. Unfortunately the mood turns dour when Alix remarks that somebody needs a shower. Krista storms off in a huff, forcing Alix to chase after her with half hearted apologies. Los Diablos and their men clear out, heading backstage for some uh...private Anglemania moments. CABOOSE I'd like to say I'm surprised Bohemoth blew it again, but I'm not. Beaten and outsmarted by a luchadore in a fairy costume and two women who don't weigh as much as him combined. I wonder if Axel is drawing up the man's release papers?

This match is bad. Not bad as in bad to the bone, but bad as in it sucks. And it's long. So it took me a while to write, it will take you a while to read and it's still terrible. Just awful. Very, very, awful. And it has to be split over two posts. If this match was a person I'd fucking kill it. Also, the board tells me I'm way under the character limit but I still have to split the post. I'd kill the board also. COLE Up next have Chicks Over Dicks against Christian Wright and Bohemoth. This feud got started way back in mid February when Wright, for no reason whatsoever, interrupted Alix's interview with Josh Matthews just to insult her. They fought, and the week after that, Wright attempted to clock her with a bat, but he nearly choked to death on her chili, until she saved as life. As thanks, he cost her and Krista their tag titles at Zero Hour, and later that night they cost him his HI-YAH heavyweight title. On the following HeldDOWN a debate with Snoop Dogg as moderator ensued ,and some other stuff happened after that. More importantly, Los Diablos have joined us at ringside, at Alix's request. They're dressed in fairy costumes and are with a gang of hunks in skimpy fairy outfits! Delightful! A breathtaking diamond encrusted cocoon appears at the center of the stage. Beset with the color and glamor of precious gemstones, this glorious object is pure enhancement to the mesmerized crowd. The lustrous interlocking rings of sterling silver that make sparkle with royal regency under the caress of the off white lights. The stunning array of [color=#0033CC][b]blue[/b][/color], [color=#FFFF00][b]yellow[/color][/b], [color=#00FF33][b]green[/color][/b] and [color=#660066][b]purple[/color][/b] sapphires twilight in the eyes of the audience, as Britney Spears' romantic trance ballad [i]And then we kiss[/i] intermingles into the bewitching mood. A bevy of female dancers pours onto the stage, further ornamenting the mythical fairytale-esque scene. Outfitted in incandescent purple ballet tights, and lustering butterfly wings, the dancers glide their bodies around the stunning array of expensive diamonds, while the familiar [color=red][b]red[/color][/b] pyro fountain ascends to harmonize with the lovely [color=#ff3366 ][b]pink[/color][/b] pyro waterfall. As the gestural movements of the dancers reach their greatest frenzy, both pyrotechnic displays dissolve, only to be memorialized by a voluminous [color=#ffff33][b]gold[/color][/b] explosion that makes the entire stage it's kingdom. As that bustling yellow star fades into a thick white haze, we see that the mystifying dancers have disappeared, left as mere figments of one's fantasy. Now the only thing on stage is the cocoon. It's spectacular hues of brilliance begin to pull apart, letting it's dazzling allure give way to it's even more dazzling inhabitants, Chicks Over Dicks. Their long awaited appearance evokes a reverberant roar from every last audience member that shakes the building right to it's very foundation. While the radiant cherry and green colored lights sweep across the arena, and the fans' clamorous noise escalates by the second, the targets of this fervor strike an arresting pose of elegance in front of their beautiful shell. Alix, in a spicy red tube top and matching micro skirt, is on her knees, with her body enigmatically turned away from the camera, her head enticingly looking over her shoulder, and her arms wrapped around Krista's legs. Krista, resplendent in a gold tube top and gold mini skirt, is in a stance of provocative domination, standing authoritatively with her her hand slid through her yellow locks, shielding her face and giving her an airy expression of mysteriousness. BUFFER The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes, now making their way to the ring, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the 2005 OAOAST Women's Wrestler of the year, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! While spiraling pink pyro sparklers light up the stage like a marvelous super nova, Alix blows a kiss into the camera, leading adorable super imposed lips to appear on screen. Krista's entrance is somewhat less cute. She gingerly spills the contents of Tequila bottle down her salivating mouth, before tossing it's empty remains over her shoulders and wiping the liquor off her mouth. The duo nears the squared circle, where Krista takes up position on the ring apron. Through the irresistible power of beauty, grace and perfection, Krista stands in a gorgeously harmonious pose, with one hand on the rope, the other at her side, and her head tilted back in dreamy effervescence. Alix just stuffs her face with her Mrs.Spezia Sweeties band Gingerbread cookies while chatting with Los Diablos and playing a game on her cell phone. I guess no one choreographed this part. Two rippling pillars of fire sprout from openings on either side of the entrance door, reaching towards the Heaven's above with their stunning height. Yet the arena starts to feel more like hades thanks to the immense heat given off by the bright orange obelisks. These scorching flames become testaments to the mutual hatred between the soon to be arriving grapplers, and the jeering audience. As the angst pumped intro of Disturbed's [i]Liberate[/i] weaves it's way into the ears of viewers world wide, the twin towers rescind into the serpentine underworld from which they came. What replaces them is a sight far more impressive in it's glorious holocaust. An immeasurably large wall of fire buries the viewable entrance area with lustrous conflagration. The only thing that burns hotter then this fiery fortress is the hatred of the crowd and COD for the men who stand behind it. Eventually the flames fade into an erry nothingness, permitting Christian Wright and Bohemoth to take center stage at the biggest performance of their careers. As they step through the smoky haze, it's like the atrocious criminals are walking through the charred remains of hell. Wright, cloaked in an apocalyptic black robe that reflects the stream of orange lights circling him, shoots his arms out to the side in a crucifix pose. It's a purposefully defiant stance, with not a shred of humility detectable in it's airings. He's telling his enemies that he's arrived to punish them for their sins, and not even the flames of Satan can stop him. Bohemoth, wearing simple black trunks lined by a green tribal pattern on the back, is more subdued in his entry, cooly flexing his remarkable guns. There's no need for artifice or affectation with him. He knows he's the man. Tonight you will to. COACH What an entrance! What a display of power! BUFFER And the opponents representing the Upstarts....first from Greenville, South Carolina....he is the Meterosexual Monster, weighing in at a fearsome two hundred eighty seven pounds, the PIMPEMOTH~!, BOOOOOOHEMOOOOOOTH! And his partner..from Raleigh, North Carolina, the 2005 OAOAST rookie of the year, he is the OAOASTS Moral High ground, weighing in at two hundred and thirty three pounds, he is The Natural CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! The second Buffer's announcement concludes, Wright violently discards his robe on the steps, shedding that onyx skin like a snake in the grass. He sinks to his knees, and takes a longing glance at the sky above, begging to be blessed with the strength he needs to defeat these heinous sinners. He's now clad only in cargo pants that are made distinct by their bold crimson color. Crimson is the color of blood. The exact liquid he hopes to have Chicks Over Dicks spew tonight. After the two warriors descend from the final stair, each step becomes encased in blistering flames. Yes, they truly are entering from the gates of hell. Christian and his long time friend slide into the ring, where they are met with the loudest boos of their young OAOAST careers. COLE Bohemoth and Christian Wright are making their very first appearance at Anglemania, while Alix is making her third and Krista is making her second. Bo seems ready and willing to begin what he's sure will be a lopsided drubbing in his team's favor. But his judicial ally believes discretion is the better part of valor and holds him back, to take a moment to discus strategy. In truth it's not much of a discussion. It's more of a lecture from Wright on how to conduct oneself in such a grandiose theatre, mixed in berating for wrongs Bo hasn't even committed yet. The bored fans moan with disgust at the length of Wright's trite sermon, and one portly front row audience member in a New Jersey Devils hockey jersey makes his issues heard loud and clear.... “HEY! I CAME TO SEE WRESTLING, NOT A GAY ORGY! DO SOMETHING, YOU FAGGOTS!” “Kind sir,” Wright begins. “Have you paid currency for that seat of yours?” “YES!” “Well then, we already have your four hundred dollars, and seeing that there are no refunds, we are free to do as we like. Now, Bo, as I was saying....” Thankfully, the referee intervenes into Wright's oration, before the snobbish grappler can be responsible for clearing out the Trump Plaza before half the show is over. The official sternly orders Bo to take a spot on the apron. The big man is happy to oblige, just thankful to get away from his preachy partner. The bell is rung and we are underway. Our contest commences with the “leaders” of their respective teams, Christian Wright and Krista Isadora Duncan. Chants of “Krista” buzz through the air, bringing a slanderous snarl to Wright's face. Enshrined in his web of bitterness and acerbity, he lunges towards his despised rival for an opening lockup. However Krissy is staunchly opposed to being trapped in his clutches, and spins behind him for a rear waistlock. Her hands clasp around his stomach, quickly weaving him under her momentary control. Distraught over having been one upped by a woman who he considers nothing more then a bimbo with a thesaurus, Wright begins to furiously pump back elbows towards her noggin. His hope is that he can knock her out so that he may pummel her to his hearts content. Unfortunately, his bestial prayers go unanswered, and she drops to her knees, wraps her hands around his bares shins, and savagely rips his legs out from under him with a double leg takedown! Christian is caught unaware by that basic attack and can't defend himself from a riotous face first landing that has half the crowd wincing in sympathetic pain. His eyes are moist, but his voice is cold as he damns her for her trickery and assures her that she will suffer for it. Krista swings her body to the side of Wright's, then knots her arms around his thin neck for a simple headlock. The blonde bombshell squeezes tightly, limiting the air circulating through his head and causing him a great deal of discomfort. She wrenches in on the move as tight as her little body will allow, making no pretense about the fact that she's trying to choke her enemy to [i]death[/i]. Robinson thinks of interjecting himself into her vile hold, but the bitter expression on her face tells him that only a man with a death wish would bother this femme fatale. Wright has no such death wish, but this Jezebel is certainly treating him he does! It isn't long before the extensive aggravation becomes to heavy an albatross to bear, and he's forced to use his sizable strength advantage to push himself and her upright. His quest for relief from his beautiful tormentor reaches it's zenith when he presses his hands into her back and shoves her to the ropes. The cables spit her out, her feet involuntarily carrying her back towards her waiting foe. With jet black eyes gleaming like quicksilver,CW clasps his hands around her slender waist and rockets her into the air for a flapjack. The hang time she gets is incredible, she hovers in the air so long you'd be tricked into thinking she had the ability to fly. The almost levitating property of her elevation is bound to make her eventual landing a most painful experience. Thankfully Miss California is able to evade a cataclysmic fall, extending her arm forward and snagging his head into an aerial facelock! It's obvious she's seeking a tornado DDT, but it's also obvious that CW will do anything to prevent that move from occuring. Thus he presses his hands on her waist and violently shoves her away, ridding himself of her rattling grip. She lands on on her glittering boots, but teeters off balance ever so slightly, giving him a window of opportunity to zoom forward with a shoulder block. That idea turns out to be as wise as Jessica Simpson's idea for edible makeup, because Krissy flourishes forward and wallops CW's face with a spinning wheel kick! Christian is knocked for an absolute loop as he crashes into the mat with a resonating thud. As if he was character from Loony Tunes, little blue birdies swirl in front of his blurred vision. “HEY!” Screams a second row fan in a New York Islanders Jersey “I CAME TO SEE A GAY ORGY, NOT WRESTLING! SCREW THIS, HETEROS!” He declares, and promptly walks out. Meanwhile, Wright gruffly moans to the zebra about the blatant usage of closed fists, despite the fact that nary a single punch has been thrown by his adversary. While his nonsensical ranting and raving is underway, Krista kips up and immediately goes into a showboating jumping jacks routine, which elicits quite the roar from New Jersey crowd. Although we can't be entirely sure if they're popping because they like seeing Wright mocked, or they're cheering because her boobs are bouncing up and down. Smart money is on option B! The only heterosexual male who isn't cheering happens to be Christian Wright. Wiping his hand across his wounded head, he stands up and barrages her with orders to “cease your infernal jesting!” Never one to take an order from [i]any[/i] man, Krissy retorts to Wright's demand with a one finger salute! The audience clamors with praise, and it's this joy that stokes the fire she has started within his being. He rushes her, ready to split her body in two with a western lariat. But Krista dodges more clotheslines in a week then most wrestlers dodge in a lifetime, thus is able to effortlessly counter this elementary attack with a simple hiptoss! Wright lands on his ample posterior, but his pride is more hurt the any part of his body. As he's unable to admit a mere woman could ever get one over on him, he efforts another clothesline at her immediately upon standing. This time Krista isn't nearly as gentle, forgoing the hiptoss to snag him into a headlock. This simple move stays held for about two seconds, before Krissy whirls to his side and clasps onto his tattooed arm. He thinks armbar. But that incorrect thought begets his downfall, for Krista snaps him to the canvas with a inverted single arm ddt! Pain lights up his howls, as he starts to honestly wonder if he's seriously erred in an picking a fight with these women. Krista stands up and takes long, overly formal bows, to her legion of worshiping fans. COLE There's Los Diablos over at ringside with their guys. What a great group! There's D'Shaun, Andre, Lance, Bruce, Anthony, he's from San Antonio he's so wonderful, Paul.. CABOOSE We don't need to know their names. Taking Wright by his mass of curly black hair, she hauls him upright. Shortly after being stood up, Wright regains his bearings and takes control of this match by drilling a knee into Krista's finely sculpted abs. He then traps her into a lockup, which she futilely tries to break free of. Unable to escape, she's cursed with an arm wrench that tugs on her limb hard enough to nearly jerk it out it's socket. Wright then attempts to put her on the run towards the ropes with a whip, but Krista shifts her momentum and sends the maven of morals hurtling to the cables himself. He's thrust back to her, where she threads her legs across his ankles and levels him with a drop toe hold. His face has another grizzly introduction with the mat, and he makes no bones about expressing his pain in a very loud and very vulgar manner. Miss California, now standing, tries to bring even more doom and gloom into his world, by targeting an elbow drop to the small of his back. But Wright, thanks to a timely warning from Bo, is capable of avoiding the golden beauty's attack. Her missing arm bounces off the canvas, and an almost vibrating pain buzzes through it as he lies on the ring floor. Now it's an upright Christians' turn to try and increase her misery, by flinging himself backwards with a standing moonsault directed at that hurt arm! This unexpected aerial attack may have been better left in his reverses, for Krista smartly rolls away from his slow moving body! CW smacks the mat broad chest first. Before he can go into a long winded complaint about his rising pain, Krissy is skirting towards the ropes. Managing to stomach the hurt, Wright stands up, not wishing to leave himself exposed for whatever catastrophic dish she has cooking in her kitchen. He springs into the air, seeking to leap frog her as she returns. But Kris will not partake in his bit of dalliance(look it up, dumbo!). Wearing a devious smirk, she simply drops to her knee, and extends her fist forward. The audience reacts with silent confusion, but they quickly change their tune to one of musical rapture, as CW lands testicles first onto her clenched hand CABOOSE You think by now people would be smart enough to wear cups to the ring. Sporting a look of horrified aggravation, Wright bounces backwards, clutching his moisture seeking grissile missile, acting as if that region had just been victimized by repeated sledgehammer shots. Krista, rather unsympathetic towards his man pain, violently peels his left arm away from his denture cleaner, and slings that arm over her right arm. He makes a languid go of fighting his way free, weakly tossing elbows at her head. But she handily snuffs out his fire, striking a blaze of anguish across his back with an always en vouge STO! While Wright grouses on the mat, Krista stands up and pulls out a pink Revlon compact mirror out her top, she flips it open and asks it a pressing question, “Mirror, mirror, not on the wall, who is the baddest bitch of them all? There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it's lasted, the mirror said you are 'you conceited bastard'.” Assured that she is in fact the baddest bitch of them all, Krista chucks her mirror into the stands, where a donnybrook over the valued souvenir.. Wright angrily stands up on his own power, playing the perfect pawn in Krissy's strategy of letting him waste his energy. But he doesn't expend nearly as much energy as she would've thought, and she's quite stunned when he seizes onto her wrist and throws her to the ropes! Krista is forced to think on her feet (literally!), but fortunately she's able to devise a decent if not roundly simple plan. She slides between the gap in Wright's cargo shorted legs, hoping she can stun him with a side Russian leg sweep when she rises. However those hopes go up in brilliant flames as Wright spins around to meet her with devilish glare. When she stands, he grabs onto her slender waist for the early stages of a body slam. But the early stages are all he'll reach, for Kris' baby oil drenched body enables her to slip behind him. Taking advantage of this excellent position, she grabs onto his waist and runs him to the ropes, seeking to pull him down for a flash pin! But when he reaches the cables, Wright cradles them between his arms as if they were made of solid gold. This causes her to tumble backwards empty handed, while he stays erect (lolz) as a statue. Her temper flares murderously, and she rises, ready to rearrange his face with another one of her kicks. But it's Wright who's the first to try any facial rearranging in this sequence, streaming towards our heroine with a malodorous lariat! Thankfully for her fitness career, Krista keeps her facial features intact, performing the tried and true “matrix counter” off bending her flexible body backwards. The misfiring Wright skids to a screeching halt, making the grave and arrogant error of believing he can simply turn and floor her with that failed clothesline. He's quickly shown the erroneous nature of his thought process when KID kips up and scrambles his brains like eggs from Denny's with a sweet enziguri! “YEAAAAAAA!” belt the crowd. Krista, perhaps owing to some sort of benignity in her blackened heart, feels a pang of pity for Christian's dismal condition. Forgiving for a second his insulting of her daughter, her best friend, and his attempt to slice off her gorgeous hair, Krissy helps her former enemy and soon to be friend up, and sweetly asks “I got some dirt on my shoulder, could you brush it off for me?” Well, Wright doesn't actually [i]know[/i] what “brushing dirt off one's shoulder means” but if Krista says it it must be something unscrupulous and lewd! Full of moral outrage, he tries to brush her nose off her face with a whirling punch! Yet Krista is able to keep clear of his propeller like attack, taking her body behind the crimson and ivory tornado. Her arms hook around his neck, limiting the dizzy wrestler's breathing and bringing a worried gasp from his lips. His vision then becomes stained by the blurring lights of the arena ceiling, as Krista hauls him into the air! Finally his sight is stunned into a jarring blackness when Krista's sleeper drop crashes him into the canvas! Los Diablos and their loyal fairies giddily wave their glitter studded wands at the pleasing sight of Wright's defeated carcass. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Leaving Wright to harrow on the floor, Miss California scampers towards the ring ropes. Predictably they shoot her at Wright's direction, but instead of simply running to him, she arches her body into a picturesque cartwheel. Krista closes on her enemy, and fully extends her 5'10 frame into a body splash! Although her less then optimal for the world of wrestling body weight does a minimal amount of damage, it's still enough to grant her the first pin of this contest. UNO Wright's shoulder comes up before the ref can even think of counting dos! Now Krista's fists come down rapid fire on CW's face, her bloody snarls betraying a deep seeded predatory nature. After her sixth hate filled punch scores and admonishment for a closed fist, Krista tugs CW up by his arm and leads her to her corner where she applies a tag who her gal pal, Alix Spezia! Miss Spezia's entry receives a gargantuan pop from rabid audience, but there's little time to bask in the cheers, as Krista's barking out stern orders. While managing Alix, Krista peppers Wright with forearms to his soft chin. These strikes leave him staggered long enough to execute what she feels will be a splendid double team. She takes Alix's, who's facing away from CW, boot into her hand. This action prompts a shocked Alix to remark that she didn't know Krista had a boot fetish. Groaning audibly, Krista propels her silly sidekick backwards, sending her flipping towards the former HI-YAH Heavyweight champ. The crowd thinks they'll see a basic moonsault press, but Alix has other ideas on her mind. In mid-flight she crooks her arm around his head for an inverted facelock, and on her descent she kicks her legs in front of her into a sit out position. A hapless Wright is left to the unmerciful devices of COD's crowd popping assisted back flip inverted ddt! And the unmerciful devices hurt like the dickens! “Duck soup!” Krista exclaims, dusting off her hands. “No thanks, I'm not hungry.” Alix replies. “No! It means easy. Duck Soup means easy.” “Then why don't you just say 'that was easy', dork?” “Oh, just shut up and pin him. DORK!” Alix follows Krista instructions and makes a lateral press on Wright. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Wright thrusts his shoulder off the canvas, leading Alix to sarcastically mouth the words “Duck soup, huh?” towards her shrugging sistah from another mistah. Near Alix, The Natural wipes a stream of sweat from his forehead; as his head pulses with pain. Even though his performance in this bout has been hall-of-shame worthy, he's fairly certain he can best the more docile Spezia. Thus it's with increasing confidence that the now standing grappler landscapes her upper chest with a trembling melody of left and right forearms. A sharp back elbow impacts neatly on the side of her head, putting a nice exclamation point on his assault. Feeling her weakened enough to be subject to his diabolical schemes, he slips her into a front facelock. Then in one blink and you miss it motion, he plummets backwards, spiking her head into the unforgiving beige mat with a beautiful snap DDT. Standing on the mass of messy coffee colored hair, Alix's body snaps up to it's full height, before going rigid and sinking to the floor. Over on the ring apron, Bohemoth claps for Wright's show of dominance. CABOOSE Wright could be softening Alix's neck for his Converting The Sinner finisher. Alix starts to shake slightly, her nerves spasming,as Christian deposits a succession of stomps into her lower back. The audience's heat for him grows louder with each passing blow, and they make no effort to stifle their disgust., bringing forth a round of “WRIGHT SUCKS CHANTS” (that's not a typo, that's the actual chant). The Moral Highground churlishly demands silence from the unclean masses while he lifts a groggy Alix to her feet. He proposes that if the onlookers will not afford the respect due a man of his stature, he will make their adorable starlet pay the price for their error. As such the North Carolina native grabs her left arm, and glides it across her chin. To his chagrin he encounters spirited resistance in the form of violent squirming from the fan favorite. For mere seconds it appears that Ally Cat may just be able to break free from her cage. But Wright's calm and measured knee to the small of her back temporailly turns this headstrong tiger into a submissive kitty. With his feline like rival under his direful spell, he twists her body so that her neck lays lazily across his shoulder. Christian then drops down and wrenches her neck on his arm, sending jolts of pain through the limb with an arm trap neck breaker! Alix crumbles to the mat, shrieking as the chilling agony scorches a terrible path across her body. CABOOSE Wright, again working over that neck. While his opponent attends to her misery, Wright turns towards Krista, his eyes cold, lips shifting into a damnable smirk, and informs her that this is the fate her sin has wrought. To which Krissy calmly replies by reminding him that be spent the better part of the past six minutes getting his ass kicked, and if he keeps talking he can spend the better part of the next six years getting beat some more. Wright just gives her a vituperative scowl, and turns away from the surly booze hound. Knowing the best way to damage Krista is to damage Alix physically, he turns his attention towards the neck his past two (and his [i]only[/i] two) offensive attacks have pummeled, and rips into it with vile stomps. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the audience, led by Krista, and Los Diablos and their merry band of spritlings. Wright would very much like to demolish Alix before this swell of support rallies her to trample his short lived flurry of offense. This desire causes him to work quicker then usual, as he roughly yanks her up, and slams a palm deep into her gut. More air is robbed from her when he thuds a carefully measured elbow across the middle of her shoulder blades. She unsteadily totters from left to right, making herself easy pickings for his next salvo. He grabs her around the waist, then with all the force he can muster, razes Alix into a neutral corner. Her back booms against the turnbuckles, nearly knocking off the middle pad upon hideous impact. A grimace of scathing hurt creeps onto her visage, as her sinister attacker steps back to delight in his whimpering handiwork. Elsewhere Bohemoth is getting restless at the lack of action offered him. To cage such a marvelous specimen is cruel and dangerous, and Bo pines for a tag. However Wright merely ignores him, deciding that he and he alone will determine when and [i]if[/i] Bo enters the match. COLE It appears Christian Wright is finally starting to get his act together after a rocky start. The Natural tightly cocks his hand around Alix's neck, and shifts her slumped body fully upright. She mounts an uphill war to sway momentum to her side, battle-ramming her tensed fist into his stomach. However Wright stills her brief mutiny with a punch to side of her skull. With her head ringing louder then a cathedral bell, he angrily thumps her face into the top turnbuckle pad. The impact generates a strenuous and hollow sound of metal on bone, that brings worried cries from the spectators. Ally clutches at the side of her stinging forehead, before The Natural shows no capacity for mercy, and replays the move. Once again the callous sound of metal on flesh screeches along the venue, running hand and hand with her own cries of despair. “WRIGHT SUCKS!” screams a ten year old fan behind Triple C. “Young man, when I require you to open your mouth, I will unzip my trousers.” Wright retorts, prompting the boy's drunken lard ass father to try an climb the guard rail so he can beat Wright down. Miss Spezia paws at the side of her head and staggers back, bewailing in serve affliction. Her unrelenting rival stalks her path, reveling in the prospects of causing her more suffering. He once again assuming a hold on the back of Ally's neck, this time with two rough hands. With a deep throated snarl, he collides Alix's head into that oft-used top turnbuckle. For the third time tonight the harrowing sound of human bone on ice cold metal is heard loud and clear over the ring mics. Feeling a bit of self satisfaction, the rotten Upstart fires her off into the ropes. Shortly after bouncing off, Alix regains enough of her wits to produce some manner of counterattack. She turns her body backwards, and thrusts herself into Christian, wrapping her tanned legs around his waist in a leg scissors position. Her faint hope is that she'll be able to adjust him into a pinning predicament. However, reality is much different then that pipe dream, as Wright latches onto her legs then lugs her into the air for a wheelbarrow suplex. Having been in this situation many times before, Alix staves off the disastrous hold with unerring ease. She rotates her body at the height of her ascension so that she's able to face The Moral Highground and tangle him into an aerial facelock. The bouncy diva dips backwards, ready to splatter his brains across the canvas with a DDT. But Wright is unwilling to let the young lady fight her way into the driver's seat of this bout. Thus he encircles his arm around her exposed waist, and uses his superior strength to overpower her agility and take her for a repugnant ride with a beautiful and innovative back flip Northern Lights Suplex! Wright bridges the move, pinning his elusive foe on the now vibrating canvas. Volcanic tremors pummel her body and pain disfigures her face, as she stays muddled in his abusive web. Charles Robinson gets on his knees to make the count.... ONE TWO Alix gets her shoulder off the canvas, letting the crowd and her nearby friends breathe a much needed sigh of relief. Wright is unable to fathom how his excellent attack could only draw a two count, and fixes a stare on Robinson so icy that it could leave the entire state of New Jersey in a cold front. He picks Alix up and takes his sizable frustration out on her tight stomach with a duo of left jabs. Though the blows weren't particularly fierce, Alix's minimal endurance is such that they leave her in a vulnerable doubled over position. The Natural, of course, seeks to capitalize on this. Thus he situates himself onto her back, like she's going to give him a reverse horsey ride. This, however, isn't exactly the most steady of spots, for Alix's weak back means the pair could collapse at any second. And her wealth of exposed baby oil drenched skin makes her a slippery seat. Wright, being the super genius that he is, hooks her arms around his thin legs to offer him a speck of support. Now being in a somewhat better position, he lurches his body forward, attempting the move known as the Code Red. However, Alix in an uncharacteristic show of strength, bends her knees and stays upright, trying to fling him onto his back. While she does avoid the deathly move, she fails to rid herself of her troubling rival. This causes Bohemoth to enter the ring and lend some assistance to his friend that sorely needs it. He runs at Wright, roughly grabs onto the back of his head, and puts his substantial strength to good use by wildly shoving CW forward. Christian actually thinks he's being violated by Krista, and he screams bloody murder as he and Alix go toppling through the air! Imagine his pleasant surprise when he lands on his BUTT and watches Alix's neck crunch against the E in the “Anglemania” written on the canvas! The onlookers jeer the interference from Bo and urge Robinson not to count the ensuing pinfall. But the zebra denies their request and does so anyway. ONE TWO Returning the favor for Bo's unwanted intrusion, Krista destroys Wright's pinfall with a springboard missile dropkick, popping the pro-COD crowd. However, Bo doesn't see this turnabout as fair play, and the agitated monster returns to the ring to get a piece of the pesky blond bombshell. While Krista may be brave to the point of stupidity, she has enough good sense to know a battle with Bohemoth is not in her health's best interest. So she ducks underneath the ropes, and back to the apron, before her fuming attacker can lay a finger on her. While the official directs the rampaging beast back to his corner, Krissy mockingly sticks out her tongue at him, which makes the large fellow all the madder. COACH What a coward! Outraged, Wright directs a block long diatribe towards Robinson for his substandard officiating. After this long winded denunciation mercifully concludes, Wright hikes his wounded adversary upright. He ravels her into the oft-seen front facelock, then slings her left arm across his right shoulder. From there he assumes control of her left leg, putting her in a pretzel like position that makes escape highly improbable. Determination and cruelty alike registers on the sharp and intelligent facial features of the Upstart as he moves her upside down in front of his body. Muscles bulging and veins sprouting across his skin, he zips forward to nail her with a running Ki-Krusher. Unfortunately for him, Alix detects a sliver of vulnerability in his grip. And the plucky maiden seeks to turn this sliver into an all out gulf. She quickly shifts her greasy body in front of his face, engulfing the entirety of his vision with her bronze skin. Her arm wraps around his head and sortly thereafter the grapplers timber backwards thanks to Alix's sleek DDT reversal! Wright's noggin skips off the canvas with a thud, pleasing music to the cheering crowd who are grateful for Ally's timely counter. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the fans and Los Diablos. Obviously now would be a prudent time to bring in the Upstarts heavy hitter, Bohemoth. However Wright is as pig headed as he is intelligent. Thus he remains in the match despite the fact it's evident he's exhausted his good luck for the night. The reeling star stands up, stumbling and lurching sideways towards the ropes. Alix bulls towards him, her heart yearning for retribution. He makes an effort to delay her charge, feebly grabbing onto her waist for a sidewalk slam. Unsurprisingly this attempt goes down in smoldering ruin, as the twenty eight year old Alix uses his sweat stained body like some sort of playground slide, swinging and spinning around it until she winds up at his right side with a headlock applied. While her annoying trip around his world has come to a close, the real pain is just beginning, for she crashes him nose first into the ring floor with a lovely bulldog! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the fans again. “Nice knowing ya, funky monkey!” Alix gleefully remarks to Christian, as she painstakingly pulls his dead weight to a standing position. With an overwhelming thirst for vengeance claiming hold of her soul, the brunette puts a vice grip on his arm, holding it in front of her body. Wright makes every last effort to squirm away, but he'd need the jaws of life to free himself from his captor. In total control over her enemy, red skirted Alix rocks backwards and nearly separates the man's shoulder with the [b][color=#CC3333]Courting Alix[/color][/b](Single Arm DDT)! The spectators are ecstatic and Krista is as happy as her depressive personality will allow her to be. COLE Christian taking the Courting Alix! Wright [i]finally[/i] gets the hint that he just may not be able defeat the former tag team champions by his lonesome. So it's with unsteady vision, and jelly legs that scarcely support his six feet and one inch, that he makes the trek towards his loyal bodyguard. Problematically for The Natural, Alix is vehemently opposed to letting him escape, and will do anything to keep him entrenched in the morass of the OAOAST swamp. The level she stoops to to keep him in her domain is one that will trail a canyon deep scar through his emotional psyche. Taking hold of the black waistband on his cardinal red shorts, spunky Alix jerks his ring attire down to his ankles! Perhaps most unfortunately of all, this happens to be the day Wright finally took Jamie O'Hara up on his advice to “fly it free like a bird, like Nelly Furtado”. COLE Suddenly I feel a whole lot better about myself! Oblivious to what awkward situation has claimed ownership of him, Wright hears the fans' hooting and hollering, and foolishly believes they have finally acceptted him as their righteous savior. He smiles smugly to himself before taking a step towards his corner where he trips over his disrobed clothing! His face takes the barbaric whole of the landing, and through the excruciating pain he realizes that something foul is amiss. It's only when he hears the little boy who he ordered to keep his mouth shut until he (Wright)unzips his pants, scream “CAN I OPEN MY MOUTH NOW? BITCH.”, does Wright turn his head behind him to see the mortifying sight awaiting his aghast vision! A girlish shriek travels through his vocal chords, out his agape mouth, and into the arena air where it joins the joyful cheers of the raucous onlookers. Over on the apron, Krista cusses a giggling Alix out for exposing her to such a repulsing sight. Elesewhere, Bohemoth tries and fails to stifle his laughter for his partner's ill luck. COACH Do something, Bohemoth! Wright's molehill grows as large as Mount Everest when Moracca, one of only two men who doesn't find this flesh show to be comically revolting, slides into the ring to claim a simmering piece of grade A man [b]ASS[/b]! Roaring in a hysterical ecstasy, he mounts anguished Christian for a salacious round of degrading dog n pony riding! To the delight of the rollicking crowd, who can't handle seeing homosexual males as symbols of strength and must view them as effeminate sex fiends, Moracca and his boy-toy cruise across the ring with Moracca slapping CW's full-figured BUTT, and merrily yelling at him to giddy up. Backstage, Jim Cornette is curled up into a little ball on the locker room floor, sucking his thumb as his mind is assailed by abhorrent flashbacks of his own experiences with Los Diablos De Fuego. Back on the ring apron, Krista threatens to kill Alix for forcing her to bear witness to this disturbing visual. Alix replies by innocently stating she had no way of knowing that a sex addicted homosexual would pounce on the first semi attractive half naked man he saw. COACH Madness. Absolute madness. Bohemoth, like Krista, has viewed more then enough of the emasculation of Wright. Unlike Krista, Bo is ready and able to cease the comedy show, while acquiring himself a taste of Anglemania action for the first time tonight. As the blissful luchadore and his disobliging victim near the Upstart's corner, Bo steps through the cables. Moracca, too wrapped up in his own zest, doesn't detect the hulking colossus approaching. Thus it's that damning ignorance that enables Bo to slice through him with a razor sharp lariat. The charred remains of the Diablo are slung off Wright, thudding to the mat in a steaming rubble. Mariachi and his cadre of hunks collect their serrated comrade, while Bo directs them an inarticulate snarl. His actions put him in the bullseye of public opinion, and the crowd pelts him with jeers and taunts. COLE Bohemoth has been itching to show off his skills, and now is his chance. In spite of his salty sneer, The Upstarts personal pit bull is clearly overjoyed to be blessed with an opportunity to perform on the grandest stage pro wrestling has to offer. His veins surge exhilaration and his blood pumps with adrenaline, as he lavishes in the bewildering atmosphere. Alix wishes he'd bask in the amazement of Anglemania in the lockeroom instead of in the ring, because she is at a loss for ideas on how to dispatch this Goliath. Helpless, she turns to Krista for advice. Krista's offering: “Shoot him.” Thanks Krista. CABOOSE Here we go with a pairing between the smallest athlete in the OAOAST and the largest. Alix's body plays like she's enduring an anxiety attack; neck muscles emerge, lines of worry erupt on her forehead, and veins tighten. The doubts about her ability to handle the super sized demon gnaw at her, and force the ditzy wrestler to develop an underhand tactic as a means of scoring victory. After the proverbial lightbulb buzzes over her head, Bo watches in perplexity as a somber Alix lays down flat on her back. “Okie dokie, big dude. Pin me! You're a fairly large gent, and I'm a fairly teeny-tiny dame, and I'd kinda like for you not to beat me to a bloody pulp and devour my tasty brain beat shortly thereafter, so go ahead and pin me. Yessir! Hop to it!” The Meterosexual Monster certainly isn't one to pass up an easy victory, and choses to take Alix up on her cowardly offer. But he feels he'd be remiss if he did not utilize one offensive attack during his first time in an Anglemania ring. Therefore he runs to the ropes, and bounces off to plant an elbow drop onto Alix's face. But what he truly does is run head first into her sneaky trap. Ally Cat speedily pulls her body away from the trajectory of his elbow, leaving the errant limb to rip into the rock solid mat! While the hurt in his ego over being bamboolzed is far worse then hurt in his body for having missed, Alix will take any affliction that Lady Luck will give her. Pleased with the microscopic amount of damage she's caused, she tries a hail mary pin. ONE A tempestuous Bo kicks out like a vengeful giant rising from a slumber. Alix is a left to regret not writing her will before this match began, because Bo is about to take her on a one way trip to meet the spirit in the sky. Having to think as quick as her drug fried mind will allow, she strikes up a another scheme to the delay the inevitable eating of her brain meat. With plan in hand, she and her furious rival rise at the same moment. Hissing like a serpent, he cocks his nearly basketball sized fist, ready to blast her with a punch that would cave her face upon connection. Thankfully for the multimillion dollar contract she just signed with Revlon, Alix postpones this face caving for just a second longer, by putting up her finger, non verbally telling Bo to cease and desist. The fashionable brawler's face is locked into confusion, as he wonders what's going through the mind of this unorthodox creature. Ally answers his and the crowd's unstated question, “Sorry, babe. I got a phone call.” Amazingly enough, she's being neither cute nor facetious, as the perky Californian pulls a cellular phone out of her boots and answers an actual call. “Hello? Oh! Hi, Paris!” She exclaims. “No, I'm not busy at all!” She turns to Bo and rather snobbishly mouthes the words 'Paris Hilton.', then goes back to having a conversation with the wealthy socialite. “Oh my god! She didn't? She did! Oh my god! No way? Way!” Growing increasingly impatient with this delay, Bo rudely taps his chattery adversary on the shoulder, drawing nothing but an admonishing “I'm busy” stare. “Anyway! Oh my god. Did he really? No way? Way! Wow!?” In no way shape or form could Bo be more frustrated with the situation. To his perpetual dismay, the girl has zero tolerance for anything that interferes with her inane conversation, such as wrestling a match. He takes a deep breath, making an effort to hold in his temper, as he taps her on the shoulder once more. “What?” She replies icily. “No, not you, Paris. Hold on, I think this guy wants to talk to you. His name? I dunno.” COACH Just hit her, Bo! Alix passes the cellphone to Bo, who timidly holds up to his ear, as he expects some sort of trigger to be pulled and silly string to pop out the receiver and onto his face. “Hello? Wow! It's actually you! I have every episode of the [i]Simple Life[/i] on tape. And I...” ROLLUP BY ALIX! ONE TWO Alix's latest plan meets with unmitigated failure as Bohemoth escapes from her pinning predicament without a shred of difficulty. Having bankrupted her vault of convoluted schemes, Alix is at a loss to establish a way to execute this monstrosity. Then she pleasingly realizes she doesn't have to! Krista can do it! Thus she, with cellphone in hand, marches towards her corner to bring in Krissy to mop up the mess she's created. COLE Bohemoth and Krista met a couple weeks ago, with Krista getting the win.. COACH By DQ, my good man. Krista, unlike her partner, isn't much for foolheaded schemes, and takes a more reckless (and stupid) approach to dealing with this loathsome foe. She rockets herself golden boots first at Bohemoth with a springboard dropkick. She probably would've had an easier time turning water to wine, because Bo does not budge a single centimeter. “Uh? I have a phone call?” Krista says weakly, as she surveys Bo's intimidating person. Much like The Who, Bo [i]won't get fooled again[/i], and angrily tries to side swipe Krista with a roaring back elbow. Krista spins away from this attack, and puts herself behind his astronomic frame. She horsewhips a series of kicks into his legs, hoping to cut the redwood down to her level. Unfortunately her kicks are less like claw strikes from a Tiger and more like bites from a mosquito. Annoying but altogether harmless. With a cry of malice, Bo whirls to drive a series of left and right hands into Krista's midsection. The blows are delivered rapidly, the fatal determination he throws them with accentuating the pain ten-fold. Her body rocks against the explosive force, not stopping until he ceases his reprehensible battering. As she's left dazed by his brutalization, Bo has an easy time trapping her into a waistlock. Krista can practically feel the beast's warm breath on her neck. He leans back and hoists her over him, trying to drop her on her neck with a German Suplex. But the agile lady delights the worried fans by flipping out of his deadly suplex. She lands solidly on her feet, but her chances of survival are still tenuous at best. Bo rises, and immediately gives chase, fangs bared, eager to tear her to shreds. Krista fights for her life, leaping into the sky and twisting with a spinning back kick. As she lands on her feet, her body's already in the process of rotating into another back kick. CRAACK! The sound of her boot hitting his flesh echoes throughout the smoky venue. His bulk tumbles end over end, splashing into canvas. Yet the Meterosexual Monster is up as quick as he fell, snorting and growling like a deranged werewolf as he rests on a knee. Years of hard earned battle experience kick in, and Krista tears towards the ropes, soaring into the air upon returning to her enemy. She arcs over Bo's looming knee, and slashes his face with a brutal high knee lift. Agony riddles Bo's ringing skull, and he slowly drops backwards only seconds before Krista carries herself to the next set of ropes. Taking a page out of Alix's book, she ascends to the top cable, and uses it as a launching pad to project her lionsaulting body at a mat based Bo. But the Upstart has recovered from her whirlwind of kicks, and deftly rolls away from his descending opponent. To the audience's relief, Krista avoids a catastrophic crash into the mats, by making an off-balance landing on her feet. She teeters backwards, and has to make an effort to get her wobbly frame under control. Problematically, Bo is in hot pursuit of her like the proverbial hound out of hell. Feral tenacity lending strength to his attack, he flattens her with a diving lariat, that has the crowd shuddering for their fallen heroine. Bo casually drapes an arm across her chest for a pinfall. ONE TWO Krista kicks out, bringing a depressed growl from Bo's lips and a cheer from the pleased fans. Summoning an aura of steely rage, Bo grabs Miss California by her golden locks and stuffs her between his legs for a standing headscissors. His arms tightly lock around her waist, hurting worse then even barbwire. Pain gives way to horror on her countenance as he tries to lift her up for a deadly pile driver. Krista fights for dear life. Sweaty and out of breath, she wildly kicks her legs, barely managing to set them back down to the mat. But her salvation has a short shelf life, as Bo, cheeks flushed with a hollowed red, merely tightens his hold and successfully brings her onto his expansive shoulders. The blonde bombshell isn't ready to concede defeat in spite of the horrific position she finds herself in. She laces her long legs around his tree trunk thick neck, hoping that they'll bestow her the ability to launch a reversal. But Bo stays strong, firmly able to powerbomb her whenever he should see fit. Unfortunately for his team, Bo seems to enjoy the -ahem- scent of a woman just a wee bit too much and lingers in this enviable position for a few seconds longer then she should. These few seconds allow a disturbed and peeved Krista to peel backwards, and turn Bo head over heels with a crowd popping hurricanrana! Being wise enough to realize she won't pin Bo with any flashy rollup, she stands up before Robinson can count a pin, and attempts to turn his face into mush with a double stomp! Just like her body, her rising spirits plummet downwards, when the big man pulls his face out of the collision course. Over on the ring apron, Wright very loudly berates Bo for getting himself into that position in the first place. COACH Nice, man, nice! See, If Bo can get this grappling game on lock, he can own this fed. Krista's face freezes as she struggles to conceal her horrified disappointment towards the South Carolina native's avoidance. Bo stands up, looking unhurt by her series of offense. Snarling, he angrily backhands Miss California so hard she nearly blacks out. Her dizzied head lolls to a side, and her vision swirls into a chaotic blur. Bohemoth's black eyes shoot her one last dirty look before he applies her into a suffocating front facelock. Her body, already bruised and aching from his rough treatment, writhes frantically against her jailer. But this valiant escape effort does nothing but waste her precious energy, for Bo will not be overcome. He lifts her up, suspending her like she's in a diabolical torture device. She braces for the awful attack she knows is coming. Yet no amount of preparation could steel her for the searing pain she encounters as he sinks to the mat, stabbing her neck into the canvas with the [b]Bo and Arrow[/b] (Falcon Arrow). Bo hooks the legs for a pin. ONE TWO But Krista kicks out strongly, whipping the onlookers into a frenzy, and surprising Bohemoth after the fact that he nearly murdered her. The ghoulish grappler rises, and immediately slices at her defenseless flesh, planting an elbow into her exposed stomach. A lupine howl pushes through his lips while he pulls her upright. He hurls her to ropes, where she uses what's left off her depleted strength to scale to the top cable and gracefully rips towards him like an Olympic-class acrobat with a lionsault. But Bo swiftly and uniquely catches her legs in a wheelbarrow type position at the finale of her descent. On the ring apron, panic floods Alix's face as she realizes what terrible activity is soon to transpire. Krista's terror stricken eyes meet her's, leading distressed Alix to try and enter the ring to save her best friend. But Robinson holds Spezia back, giving the gargoyle free reign to unleash whatever destructive move he has in store. Krista strains with all her might, working herself into a lather of sweat and tears, but there's not a damn thing she can do to save herself from this hellion. Bohemoth lifts Kris up like he's going for a wheelbarrow suplex, then dangles her over the ropes, so that Wright may skate across the apron, and pulverize her face with a running knee lift! This savage attack rockets Krista's body upright, easily permitting Bo to destroy her with the teased wheelbarrow suplex. Krista hits the mat with troubling impact, and her hoarse screams join Alix's own raspy cries of sorrow. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” sing the fans. Bo has the recipient of the fans' love on her feet, and puts her on a path to a neutral corner. A painful thunder booms loudly inside her back as she connects with the steel of the ringposts. The brawler quickly blitzes his smaller rival, seeking to liquefy her vulnerable flesh with a body splash. However Krista defiantly wars against this attack, lunging at her incoming persecutor with an iron hard elbow! As Alix and the audience applaud this show of gumption, Bohemoth recoils from the woman's strike, stumbling backwards across the ring. With her wet hair dangling in front of her like yellow decorative streamers, and rage surging volcanically through her veins, Krissy furiously advances to the leviathan. However Bohemoth meets her onslaught by thrusting the former tag champ into the sky with a back body drop! The agony of her landing crashes against her like a rain of molten lava, as her battered form lies on the canvas, panting and gasping for whatever air will come to her. “See, Miss Isadora Duncan?” Wright cockily remarks. “You have reaped what you sow!” Bohemoth steps towards her and grabs her hair, and pulls her upright. He brutally yanks her head back allowing himself a full view of her pulped and suffering face. Bo's own face wrinkles in disgust as his fist and knees slam into her badly traumatized form. Yet somehow Krista is able to respond with supernatural speed and tumult, sending heavy chops slicing through the air at the beast. Perspiration, flashing darkly under the glow of the arena lights, skirts off his beefy chest as each chop connects with pin point accuracy. A look of genuine grief flashes upon him, and that moment of weakness brings an eternity's worth of anger. It's with that outrage that he grips onto her thin wrist and throws her into ring cables. Krista returns to him and is launched her into space like a NASA shuttle with a flap jack! Yet, Krista's agility proves to be too much for his basic move to withstand, and she extends her leg forward, pressing it across Bo's neck and pushing the sorrowful warrior down with a modified rocker dropper! “YEAAAAAA!” Bo rests on one knee, his parched throat to dry to utter even the softest of growl. The dizziness from her attack is intense and getting stronger by the second. He faintly hears a perturbed Wright off in the distance cruelly ordering him to halt her ascension to the top turnbuckle. But by the time he can piece together the demands of his nervous leader, her splendid form is closing in on him with a missile dropkick! Forced to react with speed, the normally lumbering brute quickly steps away from the bomb that's about to explode on him. With Bo out of the way, Krista catches poor Charles Robinson square in the chest, connecting with a highly gruesome crunch. The poleaxed official crumples to the mat, rendered ineffective for the time being. CABOOSE We've got a man down! COACH Good. Now Christian can cheat. You know he's going to do it, might as well be upfront about it. Go on boi! Rabid boot steps are heard bouncing across the ring, as Christian Wright, taking advantage of the referee's incapacitation has returned to the fracas. Shaking with fury, the Moral High ground boils towards Krista, eager to make her pay for the earlier humiliation she brought him. Yet things play out slightly differently in the warzone then they have in Wright's mind. His screams explode outward as [b]Alix Spezia[/b] knocks the regal superstar off his feet with a gorgeous shinning wizard! Grunting and wailing, Wright slowly rolls to the edge of the ring where he'll have to formulate a new mode of attack against these harlots. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” scream the audience, every last one of them on their feet. Krista and Alix give each other exuberant high fives. However their's and the crowd's good feelings last but a moment, as the six foot seven Bohemoth, arises from his stupor to lacerate both ladies with a vulgar double clothesline. COACH Yes! Yes! That's what weighing two hundred and eighty seven pounds will do for you. Angry black eyes glare down at the fan favorites, and a low rumble begins in Bo's broad chest, angrily deepening in cadence. He positions himself at their submissive sides, then in a not so subtle jab at Alix, rapidly wiggles voluminous derriere, making the crowd vocal with disgust. Their revulsion is so strong that they can't even bring themselves to pay due respect to his awe inspiring standing moonsault. However the loathing fans are given a reason to turn their frowns upside down, as the girls suck their feet into their chests, defending against Bo's arrogant move and rocking his torso with explosive pain! COACH Son of a! If he hadn't been shaking his ass like he's in a Lil Wayne video this match would've been over! You ain't Trina! You ain't Lil Kim! You ain't even Christina Milian, son! Seething at COD's treachery, Bohemoth rises, surging toward them with another double lariat. His claws flail wildly as his furious jaw snaps at the empty air. Sadly for The Upstarts, Bo's second clothesline is much less successful then his previous. Kris and Al “matrix” underneath his strike, leaving the arms he was wielding like scalpels to be as deadly as feathers. Wasting no time, the lovely ladies from La-La Land kip up and slash their boots across the noggin of the returning mammoth with twin enziguris. Caught between the pair, Bohemoth has less then a second to react before their designer [i]Guess?[/i] pumps rip into him, rending the back of his skull like toilet tissue. He flops over onto his back laying at a shredded heap at their feet. Alix sees this a wondrous opportunity to show Bo how [i]real[/i] laffy-taffy shakes, and happily invites Krista to jiggle along. Unsurprisingly, Krista heatedly refuses the request, which causes a deeply offended Alix to whine like an unwashed baby. Eager to get back to whupping Bo and Christian's ass, Krista caves in to shut Alix up. The girls get all bouncey-wouncey with their booties, whipping the arena audience's libido into overdrive and sending the home audience running for the Johnson&Johnson and box of Charmin. You can't not think of enough baseball stats to contain the WOOD this buttastic exhibition has given you. Did you know Cal Ripken Jr has 1695 career RBIs? Nope, you still have a boner. Once they're done with their pants integrity destroying rump shaking, the pair flip backwards with double standing moonsaults! “C-O-D! C-O-D!” Making a hissing noise that isn't even remotely human, Christian Wright reinserts himself into the fracas, unwilling to concede defeat at the hands of these immoral witches. Roaring like an entire pride of Lions, he lunges at the baby faces with a yakuza kick. By sheer chance he targets this strike at Alix, slamming into her like a bullet train and knocking her backwards into the waiting ropes. An all consuming wrath possesses him as he turns to deal with a fuming Krista Isadora Duncan. But this bobcat won't be as easily tamed as her bosom buddy. He swoops at her with a punch, eager to tear apart her face with one fiery blow.

My match will be done in an hour, maybe less. It won't be any good but, baby, it'll be done, and that means something. That means it's done.

You might want to leave a spot for the preshow battle royal.

The Bo/CW Vs COD match could be pretty late, so leave some space for it s'il vous plait

God of Thunder hits and Thunderkid comes through the curtains to a nice pop. COLE And we're set for tag team action, here comes Thunderkid! BUFFER The following is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall! Making his way down the aisle, from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 257 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE Thunderkid to join forces with Alfdogg here, as they take on their former associate and friend, Reject, who will be paired with the World champion, Peter Knight! TK slides into the ring as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring to a tremendous reaction. BUFFER And his partner, weighing in at 240 pounds...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf gets into the ring and poses on the buckles, then holds his hands out as TK slaps them. Renegade hits and Reject comes to the ring, receiving a huge round of boos. BUFFER And their opponents, first, from New York City, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! COACH And how about this sight, Cole? Alf and TK standing in one corner, looking across at Reject as an opponent? CABOOSE And what about Reject's partner? Metalingus hits, and the boos fill the arena as the champ makes his way through the curtains. BUFFER And his partner, hailing from Fall River, Massachusetts, and weighing in at 265 pounds...he is the REIGNING OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...PETERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!! Knight climbs into the ring and hands his belt to the official. *DING DING DING* Alf steps out of the ring, leaving TK inside. Knight and Reject debate over who should start the match, then when TK turns to say something to Alf, Reject pounces on him from behind. CABOOSE Sneak attack there by Reject! COLE And you notice he made sure to wait until TK's back was turned to decide he wanted to start. Reject whips TK into the ropes, and takes him down with a clothesline. Another whip in, and TK comes in and bowls Reject over with a shoulderblock! Reject lands right at the side of the ropes, and immediately reaches over and tags Knight. COLE And quick to get out of the ring, as well! Knight enters the ring, and then thumbs TK when he goes for a tieup. Knight measures TK, then attempts a big right hand, but TK ducks and delivers a big atomic drop! Knight stumbles over to Alf, who delivers a right hand! Knight bounces back over to TK who follows with a right hand! Another right from Alf, and Knight goes down as the crowd goes crazy! CABOOSE Listen to the crowd here! TK makes his way over to Reject, who promptly hops off the apron. He then whips PK into the ropes, backs off on the opposite sides, and meets him in mid-ring with a clothesline! Alf tags in, and he and TK whip PK into the ropes and take him down with a double elbow! Alf and TK position themselves, and Alf hits a standing moonsault as TK hits a legdrop simultaneously! COLE Great continuity on the part of Alf and TK, and none thus far on the other side, Coach! COACH Hey, it's early! Give it some time! CABOOSE Well, a lot of matches END early, too. Alf delivers a snap suplex to Knight! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf tags TK back in, who comes off the top with a double axhandle as Alf holds him. TK follows with a standing kneedrop, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK picks up Knight, and delivers a fallaway slam! TK goes into the ropes, but when he does, Reject plants a knee to the back! Knight slowly gets to his feet, and hits TK with a vertical suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! PK tags Reject in. COLE And NOW Reject will get in, with TK on his back! COACH Well, why would he tag in with someone who's on their feet and on a roll? Reject picks up TK, and delivers a fisherman's buster! He follows up with a snap legdrop, then drags TK next to the ropes and hits him with ROLLING THUNDER~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Reject delivers a standing front powerslam to TK, then turns himself around and hooks him with a triangle hold! CABOOSE Submission applied! Reject cranks down on the neck, as TK fades slowly. Reject reaches back and grabs the ropes with his hands for extra leverage. COLE And Reject holding onto the ropes now, come on, referee! Reject releases the ropes as the referee looks up. The referee questions him, and Reject shakes his head as Knight tells the referee to get back down and check TK. The referee checks again, as Reject slowly reaches up again and grabs the ropes. This time, Alf runs across the apron, reaches in and rakes Reject's eyes! As the referee puts Alf out, Knight climbs in and drives knees to the misection of TK. CABOOSE Well, Alf caused a break in the hold, but it's allowing a double-team right now! COACH Yeah, now you're seeing some continuity! Cole said these guys didn't have any continuity, but now that some time has passed in the match, they're getting a chance to show it right now! Knight drops an elbow on TK, then hooks him in a sleeper on the mat. The referee wlks over to Reject, who puts his hands in the air and makes a clapping sound to signify that a tag was made. COLE Well, Reject explaining to the referee that a tag was made, but we all saw here that that was not the case. COACH I saw them tag, Cole! We must not be watching the same match. Knight releases the sleeper and drives knees into the back to TK. He picks TK up, and whips him into the corner, following him in with a clothesline! He follows with a gutwrench suplex, and covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Knight picks up TK, and delivers a BUTTERFLY BOMB~! He then picks up the legs, looking out to the crowd as they send him boos. COACH Uh oh, here comes the Ace in the Hole, Cole! This is it if he completes it! Knight does in fact turn the hold over and complete it, but Alf immediately comes in and knees Knight in the back to break it up. COACH And look at that cheap shot by Alf! CABOOSE Well, how about that knee to the back by Reject earlier? Turnabout is fair play. The referee puts Alf out, and Reject once again comes in illegally, and he and Knight whip TK into the ropes. TK ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own! COLE And now TK with a chance to tag! TK struggles over to his corner, as Reject reaches and grabs the leg. TK pushes himself up with his hand, and leaps over for the tag! COLE TAG MADE, and Alf in there now! Alf hammers away on Reject, and hits a Hart Attack clothesline! Reject rolls into a corner, and Alf follows him in, and lays in punches as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Alf catches PK with a superkick, sending him out to the floor! He then catches Reject with an overhead belly-to-belly! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Reject rolls into a corner once again, and Alf charges, but this time Reject picks his feet up and Alf runs into them! Reject rolls over to his corner, and tags in Knight. COLE And here we go, a preview of the main event of AngleMania right here! COACH You're damn right it's a preview, as you can see, Alf flat on his back right now! Knight chokes Alf with his boot as Alf lays in the corner. He then pulls Alf out and begins the KNIGHT ROLL~! COACH Suplex, and another one to follow! Knight delivers another suplex, then rolls through and holds him in mid-air, then delivers a Falcon Arrow! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE And Alf BARELY getting the shoulder up there! PK makes a tag to Reject, who goes up to the top rope. CABOOSE Reject ready to fly here! Alf rolls out of the way as Reject comes off with a legdrop and crashes into the mat! Alf slowly rolls over and tags in TK! COLE TAG MADE! Reject immediately begs off of TK, who moves in and delivers punches! COACH CLOSED FISTS! TK picks up Reject and plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb! He gets up to meet Knight, ducking a clothesline and hitting him with a bicycle kick! Reject bails out and runs through the crowd again, and TK gives chase! COLE And Reject bailing out again, with TK hot on his trail! There'll be no running this Sunday for Reject, though! Meanwhile, in the ring, Alf has set Knight up on the top rope, going for a hurricanrana! Knight holds onto the top rope, and Alf drops to the mat in a heap! Knight hops down, picks up Alf, and hits him with the KNIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111 COACH THERE IT IS! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH YEAH!!! THERE'S your AngleMania preview, Cole! COLE Peter Knight has pinned Alfdogg, just three days before AngleMania! BUFFER The winners of the match...the team of RRRRRRRRRRRREJECT and PETERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!! Axel meets Knight at the front of the aisle meeting ringside to congratulate him, as Alf gathers his senses and locks eyes with Knight as Axel raises his arm. And that is the image that will take us to Anglemania.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to just another HeldDOWN. I'll be your producer for night, so sit back and enjoy the ride as we wind down our little journey to Anglemania. The camera comes up on the entrance stage as a vibrant display of pyrotechnics dances across the air in a chaotic fashion. Golden misses explode in the sky, as a blue wall erupts at the pit engulfing the entirety of the jumbo video screen. After the fireworks display settles into a misty haze, we're “treated” to a shot of the sold out Philadelphia Crowd. The fans erupt with an enormous scream of anticipation and excitement for what promises to be a fantastic show, the last HeldDOWN~! Before Anglemania V. The camera zip and zoom along the venue getting a shot of the rabid fans, before finally settling on the orange polo shirt wearing threesome of Triple C. COLE Folks, welcome to Philadelphia for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We are mere days away from the most fantastic show in the history of professional wrestling, Anglemania V. I can barely hear myself over the roar of these fans, and it's only going to get louder in Atlantic City. As you can tell, the excitement as we head into Anglemania has reached a fever pitch. I'm Michael Cole joined as always by Caboose and Johnathan Coachman. CABOOSE Anglemania promises to be our best show yet, no question. But don't sleep on tonight's HeldDOWN because the stars are out tonight and they aren't going to wait until Sunday to lay it all on the line. The tag team champions the Midnight Express will meet up with the oddball duo, Los Diablos De Fuego. The lovely ladies from Hollywood, America's Sweethearts Chicks Over Dicks will go toe-toe with a team still looking for their first win in the OAOAST, NRG. And I hear rumblings that Christian Wright and Bohemoth will be in action tonight. COACH Finally, the champion, the king of the hill, the lord of the manor, Peter Knight will team up with Reject to squash ThunderKid and neuter Alfdogg. People if you have a weak stomach then turn away, because Knight and Reject are going to brutalize them. Also, we'll hear from those washed up has beens Black T about their thoughts on their superior AM opponents, Drek Stone and Hoff! COLE But first we start off with tag team action! The sweetened strands that open pop sensation Britney Spear's And then we kiss play, as a beautiful red pyro fountain rises forth from the stage. It meets with an equally lovely pink pyro waterfall, dropping from the ceiling. As the chorus of the song dips into the ears of the attentive audience, both the pyrotechnics dissipate, replaced by a booming gold explosion that consumes the entire stage! The doors pull slowly pull apart and through the foggy haze, steps the beloved tag team of Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. Alix, outfitted in tye-dye patterned tube top and matching booty shorts, rocks her body back and forth to electronic strains of her entrance music. Krista, in her usual black tank top and black leather pants, takes a swig of Tequila, then slams the bottle onto the stage before departing towards the ring. It should be noted that Krista has dyed her hair with pink highlights in an effort to make herself look younger. In actuality all it does is make her look like thirty four year old trying to look younger. While she trots down the ramp, Alix blows a sweet kiss towards the camera, leading super imposed red lips to appear on the screen. Awwww! BUFFER The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes, now making their way to the ring, first, from Los Angeles, California, the 2005 OAOAST Women's Wrestler of the year, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! COLE As we all know, Chicks Over Dicks will meet up with Christian Wright and Bohemoth this Sunday at Anglemania. That will be the first Anglemania appearance for Bohemoth and the 2005 rookie of the year, Christian Wright. CABOOSE (looking worried) Hey, what the hell is this? A miniature invasion of sofa central is being staged! Melody Nerdly, in an AC/DC t-shirt and ripped up jeans, has barged her way into Triple C's life for the second time in three weeks. Coach is of course overjoyed to have Melody around, but the other two members aren't terribly enthused to have her around. MELODY Hey, guys! What's up? Happy to see me? COLE Delighted. CABOOSE Thrilled. COACH Huh-huh-huh. You're hot. COLE Melody, your brothers aren't wrestling, so what are you doing out here? MELODY Someone told me you fine gents get free drink service and bagels out here. And where's there's free food and drink, there's bound to be Melody Nerdly. (picks up Caboose's bagel and takes a big bite out of this) Hey dude, are you gonna eat this? CABOOSE Not anymore. Can we just go to Buffer for the announcement? Bloody hell. Who hires you yahoos? BUFFER And their opponents, being accompanied by Mackenzie DeCenzo, first from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds, he is the crown prince of hair care, BIFF “SHAMPOOOOO” ATLASSSS! And his partner from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he has the body of a Mr.Olympia, and the mind of an Oxford scholar, weighing in at two hundred and ninety five pounds, he is FLEX PHILLLIPSSSSS! Together they are...Nutritions Real Gurus......N..R....GEEEEEEEEEEEE! Flex, bedecked in a simple pair of aqua trunks and matching kneepads and boots, throws his fist into the air, a triumphant display to the booing fans. Biff is a bit more flamboyant in his actions. Wearing a hula skirt that's so short it could be worn as a necklace and vine covered ankle bracelets, he does a sensual Hawaiian dance that simply involves shaking his ass to your inner homosexual's delight. Mackenzie sits outside, irradiant in a dark red halter mini dress with a beautifully sequined trim at the bottom. CABOOSE Tell the people at home how this match was made, Coach. Tell them. You, Jamie, and Christian went to Axel after last weeks show and started bitching and moaning about Alix and Krista's behavior. You three demanded that they be put in a match so they'll be nice and soft for Bo and CW come Anglemania. COACH You're such a liar, man. You know that? The Upstarts had a board meeting today, that just so happened to include only myself, Axel, Jamie and Christian, and we all objectively agreed that it would be in COD's best interest if they were given a friendly warm up match. No need to lie. MELODY You shouldn't lie like that, Caboose. It's ugly. God don't like ugly. CABOOSE Can't we just take it to the ring? COLE Can't we all just get along? The battle commences with the pairing of A-list fitness queen versus F-List nutrition pauper, Krista Isadora Duncan against Flex Phillips. The six foot two Flex struts across the mat with arrogance in his step, not regarding his smaller foe as much of a threat. For her part, Krista merely smirks, knowing the opportunity to make him pay for underestimating her will present itself in due time. Amidst chants of “C-O-D” the warriors converge towards the center of the ring, Flex still boasting with contempt, Krista still grinning deviously. But as she nears her rival, the smile fades from the blond bombshell's face, and intensity defines her features. It's obvious she has her mind set on total victory. Phillips doesn't appear to be terribly worried by his enemy's new found vehemence, and continues to casually stroll about the ring. Eventually, Krista lunges at him with an ill advised lockup. Phillips humors the thirty four year old grappler for a bit, feigning a struggle over the hold, before finally overpowering her to the mat! COACH What strength! If six foot two Flex can toss her around like that, imagine what Bohemoth, the largest athlete in the OAOAST, can do to her. Wait, we already saw, and he dominated her, Hhehehe. While the crowd boos his discarding of Miss California, Flex disrespects her further by pumping his massive biceps and flashing a condescending smile. She sits up and stares bullets at him, as referee Billy Silverman inquires about her health. She gruffly assures the zebra that she's alright, and rises, never letting her ocean blue eyes leave her haughty adversary. Now standing, the two competitors circle each other once more, Flex acting as if this whole charade was an enormous waste of time. He checks a phantom watch on his wrist, non verbally asking when this farce will conclude. Enraged at the lack of respect, the hot headed Krista seizes him with another lockup. Phillips offers no pretense of struggle here. He easily brushes her aside, shoving our heroine down to the mat with authority. Krista promptly sits up, scowling at the man, and wishing that the score board might fall from it's hinges and land on him, leaving his juicy remains scattered throughout the venue. That doesn't seem like it's going to happen any time soon, so she stands up, preparing to go to all out war with the muscle god. Phillips refuses to relent in his taunting, jigiling his beefy pecs, whipping the staunch pro-COD crowd into a frenzy. An astute Mackenzie realizes what Krista's capable of, and hollers for Phillips to cease his clowning, and get down to business. Meanwhile, Krista, thinking that the third time will be a charm, tries another lockup. And this effort results in a very charming headlock. Izzy wrenches on the hold so tightly, that even Biff, who's indifferent to his partner's welfare, has to scream about a possible chokehold. The legality of her hold becomes a moot point, however, when Flex shoves her off to the cables. Her considerable speed proves to be her downfall, as she gets bounced back before she can contemplate a plan of attack. Flex isn't nearly as indecisive as she, and lowers the boom with a shoulderblock. He follows that move up by attempting to drop an elbow onto a mat-based Krista's chest. But the blond bombshell recovers just in the nick of time, and is able to avoid his implant busting strike! CABOOSE This is a good tune up match for the girls. Flex and Biff are like a poor man's Wright and Bohemoth. They're another one of the big power guy with a muscular little guy team. Only they aren't exactly good at wrestling. Or anything else for that matter. Mackie is hot however. And in the end, isn't that what's important here? Flex rises, clutching onto his aggravated arm, a procession of vulgarities streaming from his mouth. Krissy is unsympathetic to his plight, insulting him, inviting him to take another swing at her. Unable to withstand the salt she dumps on his wounds, he runs right into her trap with a lariat. Krista effortlessly counters this attack with a drop toe hold. Flex's less then attractive face collides with the rock solid canvas, and he immediately stands up, howling in piercing agony. Through the tears and water in his onyx eyes, he sees Krista mocking him by flexing her own rather impressive muscles. The audience, of course, delights in her bit of showboating. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Those chants simply serve to increase Flex's already sky high hysteria. Thus it's with red vision that he blindly rumbles to Krissy, who's inched closer to the ropes. As he nears her for what could be face destroying lariat, Krista saves her supermodel good looks, by ducking down, grabbing the ropes and lowering them so that poor Phillips goes comically hurtling out of the battle field! As the crowd and Alix roar with approval, Flex has a less then graceful landing, splatting onto the mat, then tumbling forward like a drunk tossed out of a local tavern. “Holy shit, do you suck! Go back to OAOVW, prick! I can't believe the money I paid for this ticket pays your salary. You suck bent penis! Eat shit and die!” screams a sixty five year old fan in the front row who happens to be Flex's father. Phillips' humiliation reaches it's greatest height when he rises upright only to see a Krista, offering him a sickeningly sweet smile, sitting on the ropes and holding them open to grant him easy access to the ring. Mackie half heartedly tries to console her crazed charge, but can scarcely make herself heard over the raucous audience. Regardless, he'll hear none of her words as tremoring outrage clogs his senses. Like a wild tiger caged, he tears at anything he can find, the top of the announce table, sofa central's monitors, the guardrails, the ring steps, nothing that isn't nailed down is not safe from his warpath! The fans seem to be in absolute rapture at being able to witness his meltdown, even the announcers are getting a few laughs from his fit. COACH Hey, buddy, those monitors are coming out of your paycheck. MELODY (eating Cole's bagel) He gets a paycheck? He's robbing the company blind. COLE I can think of a certain someone sitting next to me who's also robbing the company blind. MELODY (to Caboose) Dude, I think he's talking to you. Don't take that mess from him! Flex finally quits acting like a raving psychotic and begrudgingly returns to the squared circle. Immediately upon his arrival, he throws another lariat Krissy's way. But the speedy lady slips underneath his outstretched arm, and pops up to land a trifecta of knife edge chops on her foe's thick pectorals! Each blow does a splendid job of ripping away Flex's chocolate colored skin. However his mounting anger allows him to brush the damage aside and land a ferocious knee into Krista's six packed stomach. Another knee follows, and suddenly the big man has assumed total control of this bout. He let's her go free, and she crawls to a neutral corner, nursing her stomach, moaning pain, and wondering how's she going to regain the advantage over this fearsome beast. Flex's answer is that she can't, and he lays a thick forearm into her back to hammer that point home. The pain from that single strike is so immense that Krista has to turn to face him, just to protect her now seriously wounded back. Problematically this leaves her open to what ever strike Phillips' vile mind can concoct. Rather then try anything fancy, he simply whips her towards her corner. This proves to be an amazingly boneheaded blunder as a giddy Alix quickly applies a blind tag. Krissy returns to Flex, launching her slender body at him with a cross body block. Like any big man worth his salt, Flex catches Miss California in his expansive arms. His grip on her frame tightens, as he's certain he's about to obliterate her with a fall away slam. However Alix eighty-sixes that little scheme, throwing herself into the fray with a cross body block of her own! The multi colored trio clumsily topples backwards like a house of cards hit with a high speed gust of wind. A legit pissed Krissy rolls away, openly chastising Alix for her utter carelessness. Ally isn't much concerned with her partner's griping, and she pins her stunned enemy. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Flex kicks out in a most impressive manner, thrusting the SoCal diva several feet into the air as he does! Fortunately she lands on her pretty little tie-dyed boots. But to say that unusual journey through the air set off alarm bells would be a serious understatement. A worried Alix uneasily backs towards a Swiss corner, as Flex closes in her, enveloping her entire universe with his solid physique. A panicked Miss Spezia whips a kick into his midsection. While the move pushes him back a few centimeters, it does nary a speck of damage, and he's able to regain the distance he just lost in a matter of nanoseconds. Now downright stricken with fright, Alix drops to all fours and makes an effort to crawl through the gap in his legs. Sadly, this proves to be a most unsuccessful escape effort as Phillips nonchalantly grabs the plucky lass by her ankles. His grip is stronger then a bear trap, and despite her frenzied efforts to break free, she remains his unwilling prisoner. Free to do as he wishes with her, he flips her onto her back, grabs hold of both her bare legs, then rockets her high into the sky as if she weighed as much as a small poodle. His unorthodox attack causes her to endure a brutal head first landing on the mat that instantly sends the fans and Krista into a state of worry for their beloved Alix. Flex, however, is unceasing in his assault, dropping down to his knees and blasting away with huge amounts of firepower in the form of closed fists. Silverman, at Krista's heated request, sternly admonishes Phillips for his illegal strikes. However the muscular grappler pays the official's warning little heed. It's only when the referee physically interjects himself into the pounding that the viscous brutalization ends. MELODY I tell you what.................... COLE Yes? Yes? You'll tell us? MELODY I didn't say anything. You're crazy. Taking Alix by her chocolate colored hair, Phillips drags her to her feet. She mounts and admirable rebellion against his clutches, but he easily snuffs out her fire with a clubbing forearm to back. With the energetic fighter temporally subdued , Flex foists her high into the sky in a press slam position. He twirls around, showcasing his prey to the furious audience, increasing their rage with each one of his contemptuous smirks. Finally he lets her go free, unceremoniously dumping her from his grasp. The drop from the peak of the move to the ring floor is a significant one, and leaves her short of breath and in a great deal of agony. Fortunately for her and her squad's hopes for winning this match, she's granted a reprieve when the off-kilter Biff Atlas foolishly tags himself into the bout. Mackie becomes beside herself with anger at Biff's intrusion into the contest, and gives serious consideration to asking Krista if she might lend her some booze for the night. Flex's response isn't much better then Mackie's, as he angrily questions Biff's decision to interfere with his dominant outing. Atlas plays it as cool as the other side of a pillow, suavely informing his comrades that he “has it in the bag”. This bold assertion looks to be false, when the clothesline he hurls at a standing Alix is swiftly evaded. But he promptly redeems himself by horse whipping Alix across the jaw with a back kick. The starlet timbers backwards, but isn't afford a single second to lick her wounds, as Biff covers her with a lateral press. ONE TWO Alix kicks out, infuriating the hula-skirted brawler. He decides to make her regret the day she ever escaped his pin attempt, and ensnares her into a sleeper hold. The affects of the move are immediate, a painful constricting of her breathing. This is more then a mere rest hold, for Alix this is onerous battle to remain conscious. Biff does her effort to stay awake no favors, violently cranking on her neck, torquing it as roughly as his strength will allow, putting a look of evident discomfort on her normally cute face. The supportive crowd promptly takes up the task of rallying the babyface, singing her name in unison. Drawing strength from their kindness, Miss Spezia bucks and roars against the body builder's epic restraints. Atlas' response is to simply tighten his grasp, and let her drift into a comfortable slumber. However this turns out to be a futile effort as our adorable heroine keeps on warring against his move. Eventually her frantic movement is able to weaken his clutches just enough that she's able to bring herself to her feet. Biff follows her upright, wrought with panic that his move is dangerously close to evaporating. His fears turn out to be well founded, as Miss Spezia launches a calvary of elbows into his ribcage that shred at his clutches. The sixth and final strike shatters the hold altogether, and pops the capacity crowd while causing Mackie to curse up a storm. MELODY The beat on the street is that NRG will be competing in a sausage fest battle royal at this Year's Anglemania Pre Show. COLE That is correct, but I don't think the actual name of the match is Sausage Fest Battle Royal. Also, your brothers will be in the contest along with D*Lux, The South Central Militia and others. While Alix may be free of the sleeper, she's not free from the unhinged Atlas. And he keeps her aware of this chilling fact, by dropping a forearm across her back. She winces in stringent pain, as her fellow cruiserweight bulldozes her back to a neutral corner with lightning quick savate kicks. Ally Cat is pressed against the turnbuckles, where she tries her hardest to regain her rapidly depleting breath. But Biff keeps his attack steady like a metronome, and launches her towards the opposite corner with an irish whip. Alix smacks the thinly padded steel with a gruesome impact, but recovers just in time to halt Biff's incoming charge with a boot to the face. He staggers backwards, holding his hurt face, providing her precious seconds to catch her lost energy. But these seconds prove to be maddeningly few, as Biff, meaner then ever, barrels into her with a body splash. The ditzy diva thinks quickly, and evades his deathly move by dipping low and turning his momentum against him with a back body drop over the orange ropes! Mackie is about ready to launch into a tirade at Biff's incompetence, but the hula boy somehow manages to stave off a disastrous crash to the outside mats by landing squarely on his bare feet. The audience doesn't much care for his deft reversal of fortunes, and boos him heavily. Their hatred increases exponentially when he wiggles his skirted ass at them. Alix is all like “gratuitously shaking your tush is my gimmick, jerk” and tries to knock him clear off the apron with a haymaker! Despite the speed of her wild blow, Biff actually is able to avoid it and reacquire control of the match by driving his broad shoulder into her tightly toned stomach. She doubles over, loudly groaning in pain, and making herself easy pickings for Atlas' forthcoming offensive salvo. The Venice Beach native leaps onto the third rope, and uses it as his own personal launching pad as he rockets himself into the ring with a high light reel worthy springboad fame-asser! CRUNNNCCH! Biff move hits it's mark with a most disturbing accuracy. As the crowd boos the otherwise impressive strike, Alix rolls onto her back, feeling like she just got slugged in the neck with an aluminum baseball bat. Biff attempts a lateral press, hooking the leg for good measure. ONE TWO Alix shoots her shoulder up, which elicits a rocking round of “ALIX” chants. Biff springs up and immediately argues what he believes was a slow count. But he quickly as problems on all fronts, as Mackie is now berating him for tagging himself into the match in the first place. As he meekly tries to assuage her rudely stated concerns, Alix, unbeknownst to him, rolls beneath the ropes to the ring apron to get a much needed breather. But thanks to Flex's watchful eye, Biff is soon made aware of his bubbly foe's whereabouts. Putting aside Mackie's whining and complaining for the moment, Atlas stalks over to Alix's location. He grabs her by the back of her multicolored top, and roughly yanks her to her feet. When she reaches her full vertical base, she stuns the daylights out of him by fighting back with alarming energy! The fans come alive with approval as a series of left hooks decorate his agony riddled face. Fueled by adrenaline, Alix torpedoes a shoulder into the handsome fighter's abdomen. The shot knocks him nauseous for a deadly three seconds. And these three seconds are all the Los Angeles native needs to turn the tide of the match to her favor. Using the ring ropes for leverage, she catapults herself at her foe, locking her tanned legs across his neck. She then makes his nausea a million times worse, by whirling him like a dervish with a spinning head scissors! A dizzied Biff is deposited near the Chickies' corner, where his groggy state causes him to see three Kristas. While that would be a fantasy come true for most people, his misadventure soon turns to a nightmare as Alix comes bounding towards him like a glue sniffing, pill popping, anorexic bat out of hell! Fortunately for his unit, Atlas manages to terminate Alix's blitz by grabbing hold of her twiggy waist and hoisting her into the air for a possible inverted atomic drop! However, Alix artfully counters this hold, by making a tag with Krista, who's leaning forward as far as her lithe body will allow to aid her ally's escape! The audience let's loose with a gargantuan pop for the blond bombshell's reentry into this affair. Biff, ever the observant one, is led to believe that something is amiss from the swell of crowd noise. His fears are obviously confirmed, when a pair of golden wrestling boots slam into his lower back, pushing him to the mat! Krista stands up and gracefully bows to her legion of adoring fans, mouthing the words “thank you thank you” like she's accepting a standing ovation for a performance of Le Sylphide. COLE Krista making herself felt! Atlas unsteadily scoops his two hundred twenty five pounds off the mat, only to have several of his teeth loosened by a thunderous spinning wheel kick from one KID. She carries forward her onslaught, picking him up by his mop like hair, and throwing the over matched pugilist to the ropes. He's involuntarily slung back towards his ill tempered rival, who moves his nose three inches to the left with a walloping superkick! The disgusting sound of her boot shattering the cartilage in his nose reverberates throughout the venue, making itself heard over the bellowing of the wild fans. MELODY He's going to need a plastic surgeon after that one. Biff is upright, the immense pain clogging his mind, making self preservation his singular goal. Unfortunately that lone mission is a spectacular failure, as Krissy takes him for a vomit inducing merry-go-round like ride with a tornado DDT! Biff's melon violently snaps off the canvas, adding a throbbing headache to his ever expanding list of maladies. As he's left to attend to his injuries, his partner, Phillips, encounters his own problems with Kris, as she makes a bee line to him and knocks him off the apron with a furious punch! That bold attack brings out further cheers from the throats of the onlookers, as a mat based Flex is overwrought with total rage. “K-I-D! K-I-D!” When Krista turns her attention back towards Atlas, she finds that he isn't in as quite a miserable state as she led herself to believe. In fact the buff bodybuilder has a spinning karate kick with the former fitness model's name on it! Yet much to the delight of the fans, Krista easily catches his fast approching leg! The Biffster becomes rattled with fright as Krista spins him around so that he faces away from her, making him an open victim to whatever devious move her cold heart should desire. And what her heart desires, her body acts on, wrapping her hands around his face then plummeting the man to the mat with her testament to late comedian Redd Foxx, the Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (reverse face crusher)! The fans belt out a chorus of cheers for her oddly named finisher, as Krista grabs her foe's thick legs and the ref makes what should be the final pin count! CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Flex Phillips returns to the ring with a vengeance, breaking up the fall with an elbow to the side of Krista's face! “BOOOOOOOO!” Flex pays the hateful crowd reaction little mind, preferring the satisfaction of victory to the fleeting emptiness of fan support. Taking hold of Krista's arm, he drags her upright and sends her on a one way collision course with the turnbuckles. Her back eats the brunt the anguishing impact, leaving her momentarily stunned. Phillips spots her weakened state, and drool creeps out of the corner of his mouth as he salivates over the prospects of ending her short career. Zeroing in on his target, he makes a mad dash to her, seeking to impale her with a fierce shoulder block! But the only thing that's getting impaled around here is his shoulder by the callous steel of the ring post, as Miss California dodged his attack at the last possible moment! YEAAAAAA! The joyous celebration of the crowd just adds injury to insult, as white hot pain lances across his arm, leaving it momentarily paralyzed. On the outside Mackie is throwing a hissy fit over the complete ineptitude of the buffoons she's been forced to manage. Elsewhere a befuddled Flex stumbles towards the center of the warzone, unable to stomach the burning malaise in his arm. Krista doesn't do much to cure his growing misery, mowing the bald headed fighter down with a leg lariat! COLE Could this be a taste of what awaits Bohemoth and Christian Wright at Anglemania? As the audience bleats her name, an energetic Krista kips up, increasing the volume of the chants. Problematically she has now to deal with two members of NRG, as a recovered Biff Atlas is trying to make up for his earlier follies by taking her head off with a spinning back kick! However the fitness queen ducks the incoming attack, and Biff's foot goes careening into a standing Phillips' visage! While the fans cheer the error, Mackenzie nearly has a heart attack from the crass boorishness on display by her team. Back in the ring, Biff sports the Steve Urkel “Did I do that?” expression at the sight of his fallen leader. His look soon turns to one of telling pain, as Krista levels him with a beautiful pele kick that connects with surgical precession on the top of his skull. MELODY Woah! What a kick! I can't even do one jumping jack without getting winded. A recovered Flex stands up, ready to blast Krista into next week for the grief she's caused him and his squadron. However this plan doesn't quite come to fruition, as Alix makes her triumphant return to contest with a springboard drop kick that bulldozes Flex all the way to the ropes! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” The nutrition guru is tangled within the florescent cables, making himself the largest and darkest sitting duck the girls have ever seen. As Bugs Bunny would say “It's duck season” and COD, like Elmer Fudd, has come to hunt. They surge forward and knock the six foot three brawler head over heels and out the ring with a crowd popping double dropkick! Phillips is effectively removed from this contest as he awkwardly tumbles into the steel guardrails. To make matters worse, a few front row fans take the opportunity to empty the contents of their soda cups onto his well defined body. Mackenzie just sneers at the beverage soaked fighter, disgusted by his utter uselessness. CABOOSE Flex Phillips getting taken out! That just leaves Biff Atlas. Ah yes, Biff Atlas. Good Ol Biff Atlas. After having to deal with the likes of GPX, Black T, Hell's Hitmen, and The Heavenly Rockers throughout their careers, a man in a teeny-tiny hula skirt doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of Al and Kris. Regardless of his unintimidating nature, Biff runs towards their general direction, screaming like a maniac, and lobbing a lariat that isn't actually aimed at anyone. This of course is a recipe for disaster. The girls have an appetite for destruction, and they scrape their plate with their viscous double team finisher The Carpet Biter (Enziguri by Krista, Leg sweep by Alix). Biff's body twists and turns awkwardly before he finally crumbles to the mat in a convulsing heap of flesh, bones, straw, vines, and Human Growth Hormones. Krista covers his knocked out body, as Mackenize is already making her angry departure up the ramp. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE! YEAAAAAA! And then we kiss returns to the auditory forefront of the venue, as the girls share a celebratory hug for their victory. Flex, of coruse, isn't in as nearly an exuberant mood and verbally undresses a weeping Biff for his stunning failure. It looks like poor NRG will spend another week with a winless record. MELODY Gentlemen, it's been righteous. Good to have me out here. COLE Oh yeah, you're a bucket of fun. Drop by anytime. Anytiiiiiiime. CABOOSE (whispering to Cole) Don't give this woman any ideas. MELODY Thanks, man. Smell you dudes later. (Melody departs, but not before she pilfers Caboose's candy jar and Cole's bagel and bottled water) COLE As Melody takes her leave, we'll head to break. But when we return we will hear from tag team legends, Black T. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) We return from break and see TONY SCHIAVONE and BLACK T at the backstage interview position, which is nothing more than a steel fence with a HeldDOWN~! banner hanging in the middle. SCHIAVONE We're back live on TSM. Tony Schiavone here with the two men who will defend the honor and integrity of the OAOAST at AngleMania V as Black T face rogue superstars Hoff and Drek Stone. TONY You're exactly right, little man. Black T will be defending the OAOAST's honor at AngleMania. For the past year Dan and I have focused on singles accomplishments after doing it all in the tag scene, despite what Drek Stone claims. In that stretch, I managed to capture the title of all titles, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title, the very title that little Hoffy forefited when didn't get the star treatment. By now everybody knows the story of our opponents at AngleMania. Hoff and Drek Stone have a lot of anger in them. They feel like they got the shaft from management all the way down to the fans. Make no mistake about it, Hoff and Stone and two of the most talented wrestlers to ever set foot in the ring, but at AngleMania they're gonna experience the most devastating move in the sport today... 3-B! DAN Tony and I might not get along with many of the guys here, but the one thing we have in common with everyone in the company is the respect we have for the World Title. And when you disrespect the World Title, the flagship of the OAOAST, you disrespect not only the men and woman who have worn it or strive to wear it, but you disrespect the company. A treasonous act against the company that made you the superstars you are today. Last week you may have thought you got the upper hand when you ambushed me in the back. (sinister chuckle) All you did was get my blood flowing. You'll find out the meaning of snap, crackle and pop at AngleMania. It's not about titles, but pride and respect! Black T flash the 3-B hand singal, with Dan throwing in a simultaneously throat-slash for extra coolness. Suddenly, the steel fence background crashes down on Dan and Tony! Two figures wielding STEEL CHAIRS appear from behind. HOFF and DREK STONE. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The fans watching on the AngleTron voice their displeasure for the rogue superstars as they pumpel the trapped Originals with the chairs. Within seconds the backstage area is surrounded by security, but Hoff and Drek still get their blows in on Dan and Tony, stomping them on the head until they're physcially escorted away from the scene of the crime. HOFF (shouting) That's just a little taste of what's to come at AngleMania! Just a little taste! (BACK TO THE SC) MELODY (talking with her mouth full of Caboose's candy) mmmfThosemmmmfjerks! COLE Get out of here, Melody! I thought you were leaving! Shoo! Go home! CABOOSE Ugh. It's a cliched term but Drek and Hoff's mouth just wrote a check their ass can't cash. COACH Are you making a funny? Drek was one of the most dominant men in the company, and Hoff is basically an undefeated world champion. Black T are washed up. Old hat. Time to move on. They couldn't even beat The Lonestar Gunslingers! COLE It remains to be seen how Drek and Hoff will fare against Black T. But more action when we return. (GO TO BREAK)

COLE We are back on HeldDOWN~! and much to my broadcast partner's delight, we're now joined at Sofa Central by SoCal's favourite daughter, Krista Isadora Duncan! CABOOSE Goody. KRISTA I notice Coach made a sharp exit. Smart kid. So what's on and popping, as the kids may or may not say. COLE Well we've got tag team action on the way and Krista, we saw yourself and Alix victorious earlier on tonight against Nutrition's Real Gurus...now, your AngleMania opponents in three days will look to match your performance. Christian Wright and Bohemoth have been a real thorn in the side of Chicks Over Dicks recently, but they ended up on the wrong side of some pwnage last week. This week, they look for a recovery. In their path are the OAOAST's newest tag team, D*LUX, of course managed by the evervescent Jade Rodez and successful in their debut last week. But Christian and Bohemoth will pose a bigger threat than Los Conquistadors, I'm sure. KRISTA Argueable. "JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT! JUST ONE ON ONE THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY! JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!" And the crowd go wild, as the melodic stylings of A1's "First To Believe" play over the P.A and the softer, weaker, MTVer members of the crowd scream their support for the new kids on the block. So to speak. Jade Rodez is first to emerge, skipping out through the entrance doors and waving down at Krista with a beaming smile. Either side, "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant hit a triumphant pose of their manager, their washboard abs on show for all as their bright blue denim jackets flap wide open. Jade and team soak up the energy of the crowd for a few seconds before Jade points the way on to the ring. And like the good tag team they are, Shayne and Tyler obey their god-damn master and walk on down the ramp tagging hands like it's going out of fashion! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being led towards the ring by their manager Ms. Jade Rodez...at a total combined weight of three hundred and ninety seven pounds. The team consisting of "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant. Together, they are D*LLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" D*LUX stop at the bottom of the ramp and pose once more... ...but are suddenly flung forwards, by the strength of "The Moral Highground" and "The Meterosexual Monster" barging into them from behind!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE DAMNIT! Christian Wright and Bohemoth from behind with a sneak attack, an ambush damnit! KRISTA What the fuck is this shit!?! CABOOSE I couldn't have said it better myself. An understandably scared Jade Rodez scrambles to safety as Christian Wright and Bohemoth have started the match in the aisleway and are going straight for the kill! Bohemoth stalks over the fallen Tyler, while Christian follows after a stumbling Shayne and pins him up against the ring apron, drilling him in the gut with a knee. Referee Charles Robinson leaves the ring to try and gain control of the brawl but he's a helpless man as Bohemoth puts the boots to Tyler. Meanwhile, Wright barges Shayne into the ring apron once more before grabbing the wannabee pop sensation by the seat of his pants and pitches him into the ring itself. Robinson spots this and scrambles back into the ring, frantically calling for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And this match is off to a chaotic start. KRISTA Christian and Bohemoth cheating to gain an advantage. Well, my faith in humanity has been shaken tonight, I don't know about anyone else's. I...I just don't know what to think anymore. Why has the world decived me like this? Why? "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" Taking exception to the chants, Wright glares into the crowd and asks them to 'cease your infernal racket!', which the fans kindly pass up. So to teach them a lesson, Wright pulls Shayne towards him and clubs him over the spine with a forearm! Wright lands a second hard forearm before pulling Shayne upright and backing him into the ropes. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Wright then lands a knifedge chop... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second, before whipping Shayne into the ropes. As the man of many sincere emotions bounces back Wright then cocks his fist for a clothesline. Shayne goes low however, baseball sliding through a bemused CW's legs and scrambling up behind him. Off the ropes again, Shayne now charges at Wright. Wright instinctively ducks his head for a backbody drop, but again Showtime is one step ahead as he plants a hand on CW's back and leapfrogs over top. Now The Moral Highground is beginning to get flustered and as Shayne runs to the ropes once more, CW follows. Hearing the footsteps behind him, Shayne thinks quickly and springs up to the middle rope, falling back with an elbow extended, which slams into the on-coming Wright's sternum!! COLE Wow, great speed from Shayne and he out manouevered Christian Wright there! Shayne scrambles to his feet first and wisely looks to gain control as he clamps on a side headlock on Christian and drops to a knee. With his power advantage, Christian is easily able to hoist Shayne back to his feet and promptly off his feet, preparing for a back suplex. Shayne is able to tumble backwards and escape though, landing on his feet behind CW and shoving him in the back to send him running off forward and towards the ropes in front of him. Back rebounds Christian as Showtime shows off, displaying his impressive vertical leap as he leapfrogs...the invisible man, but not Christian who comes to a screeching halt, catching Shayne in mid-air and tossing him overhead with a modified backbody drop! Falling back, Christian drapes an arm over Shayne with a quick pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Dragging Shayne back up again, Wright looks around in search of his tag team partner. But Bohemoth is still busy on the outside laying a beatdown on Tyler Bryant, which means Christian has to go it alone. So go it alone he does, hooking up Shayne and taking him over with a snap suplex. COLE Well Krista, you're getting a good look at your opponents in three days time and obviously, you're scouting for your team. KRISTA Dib dob dib. Yeah, I'm scouting. Alix isn't too hot with the technical side of things so I'm taking care of that. She'll take care of the wierd flips and the smiling and clapping like always. It's worked okay so far, so as long as I'm not bored to sleep by this no-talent librarian we'll do fine. Christian clambers back up with a smile, which earns him a scowl from Jade Rodez on the floor. No heed doth he pay to that, or something, as he comes off the ropes and drops a big knee to the chest, following up with a lateral press... 1... 2... Kickout! JADE C'MON PEOPLE LET'S HEAR YOU! *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* The crowd rally behind Shayne, who seems to take some encouragement from the support as with clenched fists he fights to his knees. Wright levels him in the back with a knee though, stopping any momentum from building. Pulling Shayne upright, Wright then lands a forearm. A second. And a third, before lifting Shayne up into a fireman's carry. A slippery customer, Shayne slithers his way off of Wright back though and quickly runs for the ropes, ducking underneath a clothesline...and a back elbow...before getting CAUGHT under the armpits by Wright and pitched up into the Wright Off (Rydeen Bomb)!! 1... 2... NO!! Furious, Wright shoves Shayne's legs away and storms back to his feet. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" WRIGHT SILENCE! The crowd, at a loss for what to do next, boo Wright which seems to frustrate The Moral Highground. And he takes that frustration out on Shayne, swatting his hands from his chest and SLAPPING him with an openhanded chop! "WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Wright is bugged by the chants but no more, refusing to let the crowd get to him. Instead he drags Shayne back up and drags him across the ring to the ropes, draping his head across the middle rope and attempting to choke the life out of the youngster! Shayne flails and flaps, but only the 5 count from referee Charles Robinson makes Wright break. And when he does break, it's only so he can rush into the opposite ropes and drop a leg down across the back of Shayne, again choking him on the rope in the process. WRIGHT THIS IS YOUR INEVITABLE FATE, ISADORA DUNCAN!! KRISTA Yo back off, I spit hot fire son. Smiling down at the commentating Krista, Wright drags Shayne's limp body off the ropes and executes a simple but effective back suplex and makes a cocky one armed cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Propping himself up to the second rope, Christian waits and encourages Shayne to his feet. Shayne pushes himself up and stumbles across the ring with his forearm ready to strike. A block from Christian puts pay to that and a foot to the jaw might just put pay to any hopes of being a pin-up singer for Shayne, not to mention knock him loopy. Christian now leans forward and hooks Shayne up in a front facelock, signalling for a Tornado DDT. Grabbing the top rope, Shayne is able to hang on and prevent the impact. But Christian lands on his feet and boots Shayne in the gut before dragging him away from the ropes and completing his DDT. Shayne stays vertical for a moment, his head driven into the canvas like a tentpost before his body eventually flops down to the canvas. As that happens, Wright is already going back to the middle rope and already coming off, driving the point of his elbow into the sternum of Shayne! 1... 2... Kickout! Wright sits up and chastises the referee in his own, unique, long winded way before pushing to his feet. Still Bohemoth is busy putting the boots to Tyler on the floor and despite CW's motioning for Bohemoth to come and help him out, the bigman's only focus is the Tremendous One. KRISTA Man, somebody lit a fire under Bohemoth's ass, huh? COLE Well after weeks of seemingly being the Upstarts' fall guy, it's probably heartening for Christian and Axel and whoever else to see Bohemoth so fired up. Especially after what happened last week. KRISTA Oh yeah that was sweet dudez. Wright scoops up Shayne and slams him to the canvas, stopping to glare at the fans before exiting to the apron heading upstairs! This rare high-risk strategy has the crowd buzzing and it also has Jade frantic, slamming her hands on the apron with all her might as she yells at Shayne to get up. Shayne shows no signs of movement though, as Wright reaches the top rope, pointing down at Jade, then pointing down at Krista... ...and all that pointing allows the possum playing Shayne Brave to scramble back up and slam CW off the top rope!! "YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!" COLE Christian Wright took too long up top and he pays the price, with an ass-first landing! Jade goes back to the apron slapping, now more rhythmical as she wills Shayne to get back up. Quickly both he and his opponent reach their feet and it's Shayne who lands a right hand first, only for Christian to throw one right back. Shayne lands. Christian lands. Shayne, Christian, Shayne, Christian, it's a slugfest and one which Shayne surprisingly holds his own in. That is until Wright suddenly lunges with a knee, doubling Shayne over before taking the arms in a double underhook. Wright sets and lifts Shayne up onto his shoulder, looking for the Spinal Fusion. But suddenly, having presumably escaped Bohemoth on the floor, Tyler Bryant enters the ring and pulls his tag team partner to safety! WRIGHT Confused, The Natural turns around and is met with a double boot. D*LUX then take an arm and a leg a-piece and hoist Wright up, before dropping him down across the knees with a double gutbuster! COLE The Cowell Movement! We saw that last week! CABOOSE And the name sucked then too. KRISTA Hey! I'll have you know Alix stayed up all night with a Thesaurus, a Dictionary to look up the meaning of the word Thesaurus and a copy of Entertainment Weekly to come up with that name! Obeying the rules of professional wrestling, Tyler quickly leaves the ring, while Shayne rolls CW over onto his back and hooks the leg for a cover... 1... 2... BOHEMOTH! pulls Shayne off of the pin. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jumping to his feet, Shayne realises he's at a size disadvantage and looks to stay on his toes as he dukes, jives and throws a jab. But Bohemoth makes all that dancing null and void as he simply ducks the punch, hooks up Shayne by the arm and lifts him INTO A BRUTAL HALF NELSON BACKBREAKER!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, MY! Shayne might have a broken back after that!! KRISTA Don't worry, there's plenty more American idol rejects where he came from. The agonised Shayne wisely rolls himself under the bottom rope, while Tyler attacks Bohemoth from behind. Landing forearms over the back, Tyler slows Bohemoth to a stop and rushes into the ropes in front of him. Bohemoth recovers all too quickly though and wipes out Tyler with a MURDERLINE!! CABOOSE Well, he's done too. COLE Bohemoth is just tearing these kids apart! KRISTA Oh, whoopie! A clothesline! Somebody call up 60 Minutes and se if they'll do a feature on this guy, because he's DA FUTURE~! baby! Forget Frankie Frankensteiner, this man's going places! A clothesline! Whoo! Yadda yadda yadda, you know the drill. Bohemoth is breathing heavily, but it's not through effort, more through intensity as he stalks over the motionless Tyler. With two handfuls of throat, Bohemoth hoists Tyler back to his feet effortlessly! He then deposits Tyler in front of him on his feet, waiting for him to stumble forward slightly before scooping him into his arms! The crowd know what's coming next and so does Jade, who rushes around ringside to try and help Shayne to his feet. But it's too late, as Bohemoth lets out a massive ROAR~! before swinging the ragdoll-esque Tyler out... ...around... ...AND DO...NO! HOW ABOUT, FEET FIRST INTO CHRISTIAN WRIGHT'S FACE!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Miscue! A miscue by the bigman! KRISTA Way to go, Mr Magoohemoth. Dropping Tyler, Bohemoth worriedly kneels down and tries to revive his KOed mentor and tag team partner. That allows Tyler to lunge forward with a front dropkick, catching Bohemoth in the BUTT and sending him sprawling forward, through the ropes and out of the ring! COLE It's all going horribly wrong for Bohemoth and Christian Wright...again! Tyler now tries to gain his bearings, still smarting from the clothesline. Groggy and all though, he helps Christian up off the mat and sends him into the turnbuckles with an irish whip. Sensing control, Tyler backs into the opposite corner from CW and charges headlong towards him, vaulting forwards with a Stinger Splash...THAT MISSES! Tyler takes the turnbuckles sternum first and collapses in a heap, as a very relieved Christian Wright stumbles on across the ring. KRISTA JADE! JADE! GET UP THERE! COLE Woah, wait a minute, what are you... KRISTA JUST DO IT WOULDYA! COLE ...what's going...hey, where are you going!?! It's a commotion on the floor, the crowd going wild not just because Jade Rodez has vaulted to the apron, but because K.I.D has had ENOUGH~! Throwing down her headset, Krista makes sure Jade is doing her distraction job before reaching under the commentary table and rushes towards the ring. Wright has recouped in the corner and is ready the pounce on Tyler...but unfortunately, Krista has other ideas... *THWACK!!* "YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" ...AND NAILS CW IN THE HEAD WITH...something. CABOOSE Normally, I wouldn't approve of this...but HELL YEAH KRISTA! Stunned, Christian staggers out of the corner. And as Krista frantically signals for Jade to get down from the apron, Tyler Bryant finds the steam inside to charge forwards...THE MERRY TYLER GORE SHOW!! The spear, into the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd erupt and Jade jumps for joy on the outside as Tyler is dragged from the ring by Krista, who in the process drops her weapon on the floor. Krista helps Tyler around the ring and quickly D*LUX, manager and Krista are heading for the exit, as Bohemoth finally makes it into the ring, only 15 seconds too late! BUFFER Your winners of this match... "Showtime" Shayne and "Tremendous" Tyler... D*LLLUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXX!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bohemoth goes nuts in the ring and ends up chasing Robinson to the safety of the arena floor, as Jade hugs Krista and thanks her for her help, before it's hugs all round for the victors. Tyler looks geniunely shocked as Krista raises his arm in the air, all the while smiling back at the ring and the fuming Meterosexual Monster within. COLE D*LUX have pulled off a huge upset and you can give a major assist to Krista Isadora Duncan, as the COD get another one up on The Upstarts before AngleMania! And I think that must make it about even now, with three days until we finally see Christian Wright and Bohemoth take on Krista and Alix! CABOOSE Even? I'd say Krista and Alix have the big advantage now psychologically. What the hell did she hit Christian with exactly? COLE I don't know, but I think she dropped it down there... CABOOSE It looks like...it looks like a book. CABOOSE That's no book 'Boose, that's an Oxford English Dictionary! That's about 600 pages long! No wonder Wright got knocked so loopy! Talk about your cruel irony, Krista just bashed Christian Wright over the head with the English language and it's cost The Upstarts a vital victory here on HeldDOWN~! *SOMETHING RESEMBLING A COMMERCIAL* COLE Folks, as we've no doubt mentioned a million times tonight, this our very last show before Anglemania V. And, if you're undecided about ordering, well then.... COACH Nigga, you straight stupid! COLE That's one way to put it, I suppose. But I was going to say here's a rundown of the excellent card that we have on tap. Perhaps it will change your mind. COLOMBIAN HEAT VS VITAMIN X COLE Former allies in the LC, now turned hated foes. Vitamin X hates everything about Colombian Heat. CABOOSE And with good reason! Vitamin X was right on the money when he called him a lower class piece of filth! And Colombian HACK is in for a world of hurt this Sunday. Also, I would like it very much if a plane was to crash into Colombian HACK'S house, or some other such tragedy was to befall him. Make it happen, God. !~LADDER MATCH FOR THE OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP~! LEON RODEZ VS THA PUERTO RICAN © COACH Hope ya like ladder matches because we've got two of 'em on SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Our first ladder match pits the multi Angle Award winner and former tag team champion Leon Rodez against the current 24/7 champ Tha Puerto Rican... CABOOSE Oooooh Puerto, ooooooh! COLE Uh....yes. These two warriors have gone back and forth, trading barbs on the microphone and blows in the ring, but at Anglemania one man will walk away with championship gold and the other will leave with a life time of regret. MELODY Look guys, I'm Caboose, OMGRODEZSUCKSPUERTORULESILOVEUPUERTOSEXMESTUD! CABOOSE Damn it! Go away, Melody! TWO FOR THE MONEY LADDER MATCH ZACK MALIBU VS JAMES BLONDE VS FAQU VS SCOTTY STATIC VS JOHNNY JAX VS JAMIE O'HARA COACH Just in case Leon and Puerto don't totally quench your thirst for awesome career shortening spots, we've got a doozy of a match lined up for you. On the line in this contest is not only the HI-YAH heavyweight belt, but the right to face the OAOAST world champion at any time the winner choses. I mean, he could elect to face the guy seconds after the mainevent is over! That's wild! COLE I'm sure the match will be wild as well, as you have six superstars who don't seem to have any regard for their safety or their opponents'. Yes the winner will win big, but at what cost? At what cost? !~OAOAST TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP~! THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS © COLE Will Sunday be the day the music dies? After a year spent embroiled in a bloody, emotionally draining feud, the Heavenly Rockers and The New New Midnight Express will collide in a Loser Leaves Town Match. CABOOSE Cole, this match is about more then mere titles. This is about the soul, the heart, the blood, and the livelihood of four men. You can not comprehend the myriad of thoughts that are racing through these men's minds. This is it, Cole. This is it. You will witness one historical tag team title affair. Believe me. THUNDERKID VS REJECT COACH Fellas, these guys were as tight as any pair in wrestling. Then Reject got smart and kicked ol Kid to the curb. Now Kid's sweating with the drama, and Reject's gonna have to smack the man down. Poor Thunderkid's going to be nothing but a stepping stone for Reject. COLE I highly doubt that, Coach. Highly doubt that. This is a personal war between two former friends, and it could get very violent. CHICKS OVER DICKS VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT AND BOHEMOTH COLE The 2005 Rookie of the year Christian Wrights teams with the Meterosexual Monster, the largest athlete in the OAOAST, Bohemoth to take on America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks. COACH Blah blah blah. That's what those two do. Everyone's all entertained by COD's promos and their cutsie little pop culture references, and their cute little insults. And they can get away with talking so much trash because they're girls and it's cute and funny. But if their names were Christian Duncan and Alexander Spezia, they'd be lucky to work HI-YAH dark matches. Fortunately, my man Wright said he has no gender related sympathies and he's coming to beat them down. UPSTARTS REPRESENT! BROS OVER HOES! BLACK T VS DREK STONE AND HOFF COLE Caboose, it's your line. CABOOSE I will not acknowledge those two....bastards. COLE Very well. The two most anticipated in ring returns happen on one night. Drek Stone and Hoff. after a controversial exit from the OAOAST that left the fed in shambles, step into the ring for the first time in months. We never thought we'd see them again. But despite the ill will and bad feelings, here they are, ready to do battle against the Transatlantic Wrecking Crew, Black T. Dan and Tony are dyed in the wool OAOAST loyalists, they would die before they ever left this company. They didn't take kindly to Hoff and Drek bolting, and they sure as heck don't like their reappearance. COACH This will be a match for the ages. I need new change of pants just thinking about it! !~WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP~! ALFDOGG VS PETER KNIGHT © COLE The main event. The match everyone in the locker room, everyone in the stands, and everyone at home will have their eyes on. Peter Knight against Alfdogg. After numerous failures to secure world title gold, Knight struck pay dirt against former champion Stephen Joseph. Shortly after winning, he joined the Upstarts and became one of the most despised men the company had ever seen. Now he'll face a true OAOAST legend, a former champion himself, a man main eventing his first Anglemania, Alfdogg. CABOOSE Given Knight's "connections" you have to think the deck is stacked in his favor. But as we've seen from Alf's exploits with the Heartland title, this is a man who knows how to win a war. COLE And the world title match will be a war. Guaranteed. COACH We can't forget the PreShow Sausage Fest Battle Royal. COLE It's not really called that, quit listening to Melody! Also Stephen Joseph will be in the house. Fans, if you haven't been swayed to order AM V by now, I will agree with Coach, you are straight stupid, nigga. CABOOSE Our mainevent is coming up sometime in the near future, but... what?! The camera cuts to the parking lot to find Colombian Heat standing there pacing back and forth. The crowd cheers. Colombian Heat is PISSED off, anxiously awaiting the start of the Corporate Street Fight. Colombian Heat is still in his Colombian Heat yellow soccer jersey and street clothes from earlier. COLE There he is. Colombian Heat. About to take part in the First Ever Corporate Street Fight coming up in just a few minutes. CABOOSE I can’t wait for this one, Michael Cole! It is going to be good. It is going to be REAL good! Vitamin X, the jungle cat, is going to wipe the floor with that piece of lower class filth! COLE Vitamin X despises Colombian Heat, and vice versa, now he can get his hands on him three days before AngleMania V! The Corporate Street Fight is coming up next! Colombian Heat is still waiting in the parking lot. He cracks his knuckles. (FADE OUT) Commercials We return to HeldDOWN~! to see Colombian Heat still in the parking lot, impatiently waiting for Vitamin X to come out. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and the Corporate Street Fight is about to begin. CABOOSE This is going to be good Michael. Watch at Vitamin X teaches Colombian HACK a lesson! Colombian Heat hears the sound of a door opening and closing. VITAMIN X Yo, HACK! Colombian Heat turns around to see Vitamin X walking towards him, a mean look on his face, still wearing that black baseball cap backwards because that’s how Street he can get. He is also still wearing his custom made Colombian Hack yellow soccer jersey. Colombian Heat gets into a fighting stance as Vitamin X comes closer to him. VITAMIN X So, you ready to do this? COLOMBIAN HEAT Oh, I’m ready! I was born ready! VX All right let’s do this then! COLOMBIAN HEAT You ready? VX Oh I’m ready! I’m ready! LET’S GO MAN! LET’S GO! Vitamin X puts up his fists, as he is now only a few feet away from Colombian Heat. VX COME ON MAN! COME ON! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT! COME ON! Vitamin X throws a right jab at Colombian Heat…who ducks, and then nails Vitamin X with a spinning heel kick knocking him down to the ground! The crowd cheers! Vitamin X’s black baseball cap has been knocked off. COLE And the Corporate Street Fight is underway! FIRST EVER CORPORATE STREET FIGHT COLOMBIAN HEAT vs. VITAMIN X Colombian Heat stomps on Vitamin X, and then picks him up by his Colombian Hack soccer jersey. COLOMBIAN HEAT Get up, fool! Colombian Heat beats on Vitamin X. Vitamin X soon becomes dazed and confused. COLOMBIAN HEAT Punk ass jigger! Fool ass sucka! Heat beats on Vitamin X some more, but then The Lightning Crew Mobile drives right into the parking lot! Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua come out of the low rider, followed by Thomas Rodriguez and Tha Puerto Rican! COLE That’s The Lightning Crew! COACH Hey! What a surprise! The 4 other Lightning Crew members save Vitamin X from Colombian Heat! PRL, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and even Thomas Rodriguez lay some shots into Colombian Heat. The numbers game is too much for Colombian Heat, and he once again falls victim to The LC. The crowd boos. COLE The Lightning Crew is attacking Colombian Heat! Again! CABOOSE Say, do you think this is what Vitamin X was telling Cuban Wall earlier? COLE I have no doubt in my mind. This whole thing was a setup all along! It was trap! Vitamin X goaded Colombian Heat to come to the parking lot so that The Lightning Crew could attack him without any interference from the anti-Lightning Crew! It was a damn setup all along! The Lightning Crew stomps on Colombian Heat. VITAMIN X YEAH! THAT’S IT! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! HA! HA! BOO-YAH~! COLE The Lightning Crew is making sure Colombian Heat ISN’T 100% for AngleMania! CABOOSE Look at X go! Look at the jungle cat! Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Thomas Rodriguez pick up the groggy Colombian Heat. Together, they SPEAR Colombian Heat into a garage door! It looks like the air has been taken out of Colombian Heat with that move. The LC holds Colombian Heat in place, laughing manically, smiling evilly, and taunting the former Second-In-Command of The Lightning Crew. CABOOSE What a brilliant plan from Vitamin X! He is just SO smart! I freaking love it! Vitamin X power walks over to Colombian Heat. He grabs him by the head. VITAMIN X YOU THINK YOU’RE A BIG SHOT NOW? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME NOW!? Vitamin X slaps Colombian Heat across the face! VX I AM THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU! Vitamin X low blows Colombian Heat! Tha Puerto Rican laughs manically. PRL Yeah X! Way to go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The Lightning Crew lets go of Colombian Heat, causing him to slump to the ground. The Lightning Crew laughs evilly and high fives each other, a job well done. They all gloat over their attack, while Colombian Heat grabs his nutsack on the ground, wincing in pain. VITAMIN X See ya Sunday, Heat! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Colombian Heat’s face is red now. It looks like his veins are about to burst. He mutters to himself as he tries to get back to his feet. The crowd is pissed off over what just happened. Heat is still holding his who who dilly. (Cut to Triple C.) COLE I can’t believe it! I can’t believe how low The Lightning Crew will go! Setting up a trap for Colombian Heat! Vitamin X KNOWS he can’t beat Colombian Heat one-on-one so that’s why he’s looking for an easy way out! He wants Colombian Heat to NOT be 100% by AngleMania so that it’ll be easier to beat him. CABOOSE Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. If Vitamin X wants to win this way, I say let him. Whether he wins like this or wins fair and square, the important thing is that he WINS. And he will win this Sunday at AngleMania! COLE How can you be so heartless? CABOOSE Colombian Heat is a piece of lower class filth. That’s why. COLE Does VX pay you to say this? CABOOSE Oh come on! Absolutely not! That is absolutely ridiculous! COLE IF you say so. CABOOSE I do say so. COLE Okay. CABOOSE Yup. COLE Okay. CABOOSE Yeah. COLE Good. CABOOSE Okay. COLE Anyway, Colombian Heat is looking to get some revenge when he FINALLY goes one-on-one against Vitamin X in a good old-fashioned Grudge Match this Sunday, April 2nd, at OAOAST AngleMania V live only on pay-per-view! CABOOSE Vitamin X doesn’t pay me. COLE I know. You already said that! CABOOSE Good. Just wanted to make sure you understood that. COLE *Sigh* (RETURN FROM BREAK) COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and during the commercial break, on OAOAST Unrestricted which you can of course catch on our sister channel TSM Extra, Leon Rodez came to the ring and has been waiting within all commercial break. And...well, it's been a pretty precarious wait. Precarious, because as the camera focuses on the ring we see Leon Rodez sat atop the highest rung of a ladder, looking out into the cheering crowd. Microphone in hand, Rodez carefully raises the microphone, making sure as not to topple over the ladder in the process. RODEZ Three days. It's amazing to think that we're just three days away from the biggest show of the year, ain't it? It's amazing to think it's been a year since AngleMania IV. It's pretty scary too, to think of how quickly our mortal lives are slipping by...BUT, let's not get ourselves on an emo-downer people! Let's look ahead with positivity to three days time and AngleMania V. 12 months on and the OAOAST returns to the Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino once more and since last year, a lot has changed. Axel left...and is back. Hoff left...and is back. Drek left...and is back. Panther left...and, well, he didn't come back. The GPX turned evil. The Sk8er Boiz got crunk. Stephen Joseph won the World Title. Still can't get over that one. Alfdogg won the Lethal Rumble. Peter Knight stopped wrestling actors and won the World Title...then wrestled the same actor again a couple of weeks ago. Me and Alix Maria Spezia did the deed, many times. Ned and Holly finally consummated their on again, off again, I'm calling the police again relationship. Zack found out he's having a child and then it wasn't mentioned for a couple of months. Rodez wipes a smile from his face...again, carefully and again wobbily. RODEZ In the space of that year, the face of the OAOAST has changed. But one thing has stayed constant within that year...or, almost a year. See it wasn't quite a year ago, but it's close, when Tha Puerto Rican was awarded the OAOAST 24/7 Championship. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" RODEZ The more things change, the more they stay the same is the old saying. And that's true for Tha Puerto Rican. Through all the weeks, all the months, all the season, Tha Puerto Rican clung onto that title by whatever means necessary and I think that feat deserves a round of applause. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rodez shrugs, almost taking himself off the ladder in the process. But, he's a professional and covers it up quickly. RODEZ Well, apparently he's not going to get one...but, I think he deserves one regardless. If I weren't fifteen foot over the ring on an unstable ladder I'd even applaud you myself PRL. I really would. Because whatever these people think of you and whatever the critics say about you, you've achieved great things with that 24/7 Championship. You've fended off all challenges. You've blazed a trail and made that Championship your own in the past year or so. And you're just one win...one win away from a one year title reign. A smile forms on Rodez's face again. RODEZ It's just a shame that you're coming up against me now, at this event, with this stipulation, because when you wake up ten years from now and open up that OAOAST record book on your bedside cabinet, you'll look down the 24/7 Title History and you'll see yourself SO close, SO tantalizingly close...and yet, so far away. And it'll eat you inside. It bugs me slightly that I'll be responsible for that. But, not too much. See, I've been waiting two months for this one shot, this fair opportunity at the 24/7 Championship. Those two months have felt like a year to me. And should I come out of AngleMania with those two months wasted and with no 24/7 Title around my waist...well, that'd kinda suck. Let's not forget, I'm unbeaten at AngleMania! So I've got that streak to preserve. That's why I feel so excited about this year's AngleMania. Nervous excitement, but excitement nonetheless. I'm feeling that AngleMania fever. So, I thought I'd come out here tonight and sit atop this ladder and look at all of you. "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" RODEZ I thought I'd look at you and get a little taste of what's to come at AngleMania, just to get the juices flowing. I thought I'd get a preview at... *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A lightning bolt hits the entrance. The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while “Know Your Role ‘99” starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd starts booing loudly, while Leon Rodez turns his attention to the entrance. CABOOSE Oh thank you, P.R.! Thank you for saving us from Rodez talking even further! As "Know Your Role '99" continues playing, the entrance door slides open, and out walks the one and only CORPORATE 24/7 Champion…"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! Dressed in his usual corporate attire, and with his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt slung over his left shoulder, The Corporate Champ, wearing sunglasses, has a cocky smirk on his face. He looks at the crowd with this cocky smirk. Leon stares at PRL. COLE In 3 days, Tha Puerto Rican will put his 24/7 Title on the line in what is quite possibly his toughest challenge yet. If Tha Puerto Rican can beat Leon Rodez at AngleMania and hang onto the belt through next Thursday's HeldDOWN~!, PRL will have held the 24/7 Title for exactly one full year! CABOOSE And that's exactly what's going to happen, man! PRL will beat Leon and hold the 24/7 Title for ANOTHER year! And if the past year was amazing, wait till THIS year! It'll be unbelievable! PRL is standing on the entrance stage. He, not surprisingly, has a microphone in his right hand. "Know Your Role '99" dies down. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, know your role and shut your mouth, because Tha Puerto Rican is sick and tired of hearing you run your mouth about our match at AngleMania this Sunday! The crowd boos. THA PUERTO RICAN And not only that, but the PEOPLE, MY LIGHTNING BOLTS, are sick and tired of hearing you run your mouth about our match at AngleMania this Sunday! The crowd's boos get even LOUDER, believe it or not. PR spins the belt plate. Leon smirks. "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, I've said it once, and I'll say it again. You are not stepping into the ring this Sunday with just an ordinary wrestler. Oh no. Leon Rodez, this Sunday, AngleMania V, you're stepping into the ring, and going one-on-one with the CORPORATE one! Puerto walks down the entrance ramp while speaking. PRL Leon, you little punk, all you’ve done these past two months is run your mouth. Talk about how you were screwed at Zero Hour; screwed during the Triple Threat Match a week later. Man, the way you make it sound, you've been screwed more times than Paris Hilton! Leon Rodez, the fact is you haven't been screwed at all. Tha Puerto Rican had you beat at Zero Hour, and you know this is true! (Boo.) PRL (CONT'D) I would have kicked out of the Because The Lady Loves had the time not run out! And the reason I left the Triple Threat Match was because I had a bad stomachache and had to go to the bathroom! I tried to get the referee to stop the match so that I could do my business, and then restart it when I returned. But he didn't listen. Instead he counted me out! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" PRL Hey! That's the truth, Ruth! That's the truth! COLE Oh please. You gotta be kidding me. CABOOSE Hey, Mr. Boricua's chili is hard to digest sometimes! COLE Come on. By now, Tha Puerto Rican has entered the ring. Leon Rodez is still sitting on top of the ladder staring at PRL. PUERTO RICAN And now, Leon, this Sunday, we collide at AngleMania in a Ladder Match, which is what you wanted the match to be so that way I couldn't 'escape' with the title. Well, frankly, I don't know what you're talking about in regards to me finding a way to 'escape' with the title, but I can hurt you even more with a ladder so I'm perfectly fine with a Ladder Match. Leon just rolls his eyes at this. P.R. Now, I've seen your interviews, and I've heard what you've said. And Rodez, what you have been saying ever since I accepted your challenge for a Ladder Match at AngleMania has been pure...fantasy. COLE Fantasy? THA PUERTO RICAN That's right. Pure fantasy. You're living in a fantasy world, Leon. A world where you are the 24/7 Champion. I bet your fantasy world also includes fairy elves that throw pixies dust at you, monkeys that fly, unicorns and dragons that you can ride, Democrats and Republicans who get along with each other, and I bet in your fantasy world that you reign as 24/7 Champion in your gumdrop house on lollipop lane! CABOOSE HA! HA! Good one! Leon has a puzzled look on his face, as even he can't believe the words that are coming out of Tha Puerto Rican's mouth. PUERTO Well it's time to bring you back into the real world, Rodez! Here are the facts. 1.) At AngleMania V, I will have been the OAOAST 24/7 Champion for 360 days! THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS! That means I will have held this belt for 8,640 hours, 518,400 minutes, and 31,104,000 seconds. THAT CANNOT BE DENIED! 2.) I have beaten each and every challenger to the 24/7 Title. I have pinned each competitor that has tried to take this title away from me. That means I have beaten John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Otaku II, The Mad Cappa, Spanish Fly, and Colombian Heat! THAT CANNOT BE DENIED! PRL lets the crowd boo him. The fuckers. TPR And Leon, here is fact number three. And I know you're going to hate this one the most. 3.) Tha Puerto Rican, at AngleMania V, Sunday April 2nd at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center in Atlantic City, New Jersey, will take on Leon Rodez in a Ladder Match and beat him, to retain his 24/7 Title! That is a fact! THAT CANNOT BE DENIED! The crowd lets PRL have it with that one. They are pissed off to be sure. COLE I'm going to have to dispute fact #3. CABOOSE How can you? You can't dispute facts! It's impossible! You can't! COLE We'll just see about that! PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, do you realize just how much of a threat I am? How can you call me a joke when you've seen what I've done to people? When you've seen what I did to Otaku, his wife, Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John "Rock Hard" Brickston. When you've seen that I ENDED Panther's career, and crushed The Mad Cappa's larynx. Leon, you are taking me lightly, and that is going to come back to bite you in the ass when I climb up that ladder on Sunday and retain the 24/7 Title the way a Corporate Champion should! Tha Puerto Rican walks up to the ladder. Puerto is on one side, while Leon is on the other. PRL looks up at Leon as he continues speaking. THA PUERTO RICAN Leon Rodez, holding a title for one year is a beautiful thing. It's a special thing, that only a few lucky individuals have had the honor of doing. You can be a great star, a legendary wrestler. But to hold a title for a year? THAT is how you separate the men from the boys. From the greats to the truly greats. Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Demolition, have all held belts for a year. And now Tha Puerto Rican, the ONLY OAOAST superstar EVER to hold a title for a year, will join that illustrious list! HA! HA! HA! The crowd starts booing again. PRL smiles evilly. CABOOSE All hail PRL! His word is like the Gospel! COLE Pfffft. PRL I am the only person in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread to hold a belt for a year. No one. NOT NO ONE has held a title for as long as I have. NO ONE. I have outlasted the World Heavyweight Champion, the X-Division Champion, the Women's Champion, the Heartland Champion, the Tag Team Champions, and the Six-Man Champions. And Leon, you are right about one thing. In this one year, in what was probably the most chaotic and controversial year in the OAOAST's four-year history; the one thing has that stayed consistent. The one thing that has stayed the same…is Tha Puerto Rican holding the OAOAST 24/7 Title! And for that, I SHOULD be applauded. PRL waits for the applause. Instead, he gets (surprise! surprise!) more boos. CABOOSE I am enjoying this speech right now. COLE Glad to see you're the only one that is enjoying it. CABOOSE Hush you. PRL And so, this Sunday, in 72 hours, I will have to overcome another challenge. I will have to overcome another obstacle in the form of Leon Rodez. And Leon Rodez, make no mistake about it. You are in for the fight of your life. AngleMania V will be one of the greatest nights in Tha Puerto Rican's career, while it will be the worst night of your career. This Sunday, Tha Puerto Rican will do what he does best. I am going to walk down the Corporate ramp. Slide into the Corporate ring. And then I am going to climb the Corporate Ladder. Rung, by rung, by damn rung! Until I finally reach the top, and then I will grab the Corporate 24/7 Title belt, and snatch it off the Corporate hook. And then, while the confetti falls, and the balloons pop, and the fireworks explode, I will be standing on top of the Corporate Ladder, holding my 24/7 Title over my head, STILL YOUR CORPORATE OAOAST 24/7 Champion! Meanwhile, you will be lying on the mat, bloodied, battered, and beaten, with your hands covering your eyes so that we can't see you cry. And you will feel great pain, OH YES; you will feel great pain, as you have once again FAILED in trying to beat Tha Puerto Rican. And then, Lord willing, you will pack your bags, and go home, for good, as Tha Puerto Rican has humiliated you at the biggest show of the year, and you can never show your face in this business again! And Leon, when I look into the OAOAST records book ten years from now, it will say that Tha Puerto Rican held the OAOAST 24/7 Title for years and years. It will also say that Leon Rodez left the OAOAST after AngleMania V, because he was so ashamed of his loss that he couldn't deal with all the pointing and laughing, all the taunting and insults. It will hopefully end with it being revealed that you hit rock bottom after the show, and you never recovered. To put it all in a nutshell Leon Rodez, you piece of trailer park trash: YOU. SUCK. And at AngleMania V, you're going down at the hands of the best damn 24/7 Champion there ever was, and there ever will be! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! Tha Puerto Rican grabs one of the rungs on the ladder. PRL still has his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder, and is holding the microphone with his right hand. PRL adjusts his sunglasses, a cocky smirk still on his face. "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" COLE PRL sure can talk, but his mouth is not going to help him this Sunday. CABOOSE True. But PRL IS talented, so I wouldn't worry about it. PRL and Leon are on the ladder now and as PRL scales the rungs, Rodez wisely moves himself down a couple to give himself a safer footing. Still climbing, Tha Puerto Rican reaching halfway...and suddenly finds himself face to face with Rodez! It's a mid-air staredown! PRL and Rodez lock eyes and Tha Puerto Rican tries to pysch Rodez out, only for his challenger to smile in his face. RODEZ Corporate Ladder, huh? That's clever, I see what you've done there. Well you're up here with me and I have to say, yes, you can climb the 'Corporate Ladder'. You made pretty light work of it too. But PR, remember this...this Sunday night, I'm not going to have a microphone in my hand and I'm not going to let you run your mouth the way you do so well. I might be on the top of this ladder with you...and on Sunday, if that's the case, you won't be up here for long. Or, I might be down on the mat looking up at you, in which case...again, you won't be up here for long. The 'Corporate Ladder' is going to get a lot more shaky on Sunday night. And it's fitting I guess that we'll be in my good friend Donald Trump's Hotel and Casino thingy for AngleMania, what with all this talk of Corporate this and Corporate that. Because after Sunday night, I'm going to see to it that you're demoted... Rodez steps up a rung, enough to suddenly tower over PRL. RODEZ ...and I'm promoted, to the 24/7 Championship that I've worked so har...*UGH!!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd suddenly goes wild as PRL catches Rodez with a cheapshot, right below the belt!! COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Leon clutches the little Rodezes, and then slowly falls off the ladder. Leon continues wincing in pain, while Tha Puerto Rican climbs down the ladder. The crowd is booing like mad, as PRL kicks Leon while he’s down, and then picks him up. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is trying to draw first blood before AngleMania! CABOOSE Get him, PRL! Get him! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican hits Leon Rodez with Rock-style punches to the temple. The crowd chants, "P.R. SUCKS!" as Leon becomes dazed and confused from all the shots to the head. COLE PRL is just manhandling, MANHANDLING, Leon Rodez before AngleMania! Suddenly, Leon blocks a shot! He fires off with a jab! Then another jab! Then another jab! Then a fourth jab! Leon blows a kiss to the popping crowd. And then hits PRL with an enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! PR is face down on the mat. Leon gets up, a little weakened, but still strong enough that he can pick PRL up, and start beating him up, to the point that PRL's Puerto Rican flag bandana and sunglasses fall off. COLE And now Leon Rodez is going to work on Tha Puerto Rican! Leon continues working on Tha Puerto Rican, but is soon stopped when The Lightning Crew storms down the entrance ramp into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Here comes the Calvary! The Lightning Crew enters the ring and immediately attacks Rodez. They punch and kick Rodez all over his body, weakening the poor guy even more. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall do most of the work, while Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez get in a few shots. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez checks on her man. COLE And now The Lightning Crew is ganging up on Leon Rodez, just like they have done in the past. COACH Go get 'em baby! The LC are still beating on Leon Rodez as PRL takes a break with Lindsay. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The cheering is because COLOMBIAN HEAT, JOHN "ROCK HARD" BRICKSTON, SPANISH FLY, and OTAKU II have run down the entrance ramp to save their leader and friend! COLE And now Leon's backup has arrived! CABOOSE What the hell are those scrubs doing here!? COLE Saving their friend, Leon, from The Lightning Crew! The Anti-Lightning Crew if you will, enters the ring, and saves Leon from The Lightning Crew. A giant brawl erupts, causing the crowd to explode with cheers! COLE It's chaos! Total chaos in the ring! Eight men are in the ring brawling. Colombian Heat is beating on Vitamin X. John "Rock Hard" Brickston is beating on Cuban Wall. Mr. Boricua is slugging it out with Spanish Fly. And Otaku II is chasing Thomas Rodriguez around the ring. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Tha Puerto Rican have exited the ring, while Leon Rodez rests on a turnbuckle. COLE The ring is littered with bodies that are hitting the floor! COACH Someone check on Tha Puerto Rican. Make sure he is all right! As a war continues being raged inside the ring, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez whispers something into PR's right ear. PR smiles, grabs his spinner 24/7 Championship belt, and then slides into the ring. Leon Rodez is up on his feet, looking for a LC member to fight. COLE These two sides have been at war since September, and it may end this Sunday at AngleMania! Tha Puerto Rican crawls over to a turnbuckle. He holds his 24/7 Title belt, preparing to do something no doubt evil with it. Meanwhile, Leon Rodez is helping Spanish Fly beat Mr. Boricua. While this is going on, PRL quickly runs towards Leon… *BAM!* AND HITS LEON'S SURGICALLY REPAIRED RIGHT KNEE! LEON RODEZ OH GOD! Leon Rodez falls to the mat. Tha Puerto Rican stands over the fallen Rodez, who is clutching his right knee. The crowd boos. COLE What? What? What did PRL just do? COACH He did what he had to do to win baby! PRL kicks Leon while he's down. The brawling has stopped, as everyone is watching PRL beat on Leon Rodez in the middle of the ring. The crowd continues booing. COLE PRL just hit Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee! He's trying to injure the knee again! Leon's fall is enough distraction for The Lightning Crew, who are now in control of their former comrades (and Otaku II). Cuban Wall beats on John "Rock Hard" Brickston in the corner. Mr. Boricua beats up Spanish Fly. Vitamin X is still slugging it out with Colombian Heat. And Otaku II is still chasing Thomas Rodriguez. Seconds later, Mr. Boricua clotheslines Spanish Fly over the top rope to the floor. Cuban Wall does the same with John "Rock Hard" Brickston. Cuban Wall saves Vitamin X from Colombian Heat, and Mr. Boricua saves Thomas from Otaku. CABOOSE Look at The Lightning Crew! Look at them in control of those scrubs! Look at them make those scrubs their bitches! Isn’t it great? The crowd is furious now. PRL does some shaky leg kicks on Leon Rodez's right knee. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cheers The Lightning Crew on from the outside as Cuban Wall beats on Colombian Heat and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Mr. Boricua clotheslines Otaku II over the top rope and to the floor. Thomas Rodriguez laughs manically, as though he did a damn thing. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE The Lightning Crew has cleared the ring! CABOOSE Beautiful! Beautiful! Just beautiful! Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, and Otaku II lie on the outside. Vitamin X is laughing maniacally, since he knows The Lightning Crew have Leon Rodez all to themselves. Again. And sure enough… PRL Help me beat him! The Lightning Crew joins their ever so humble leader in kicking the crap out of Leon Rodez. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE The LC, The Lightning Crew, are just demolishing Leon Rodez 3 days before AngleMania! CABOOSE Well, Leon thinks PRL is a joke. Does he think he's a joke now? The Lightning Crew continues doing their trademark beatdown on Leon Rodez's candy ass. PRL is directing traffic, letting each member get a piece of Leon, including Thomas Rodriguez. "LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON! LE-ON!" COLE Leon Rodez is getting mauled in the ring, and there is nothing his friends can do about it! Indeed, Leon's friends are still out on the outside. Meanwhile, in the squared circle, Tha Puerto Rican has stopped his Lightning Crew from beating Leon Rodez. PRL I'll handle this. I'll handle this. Tha Puerto Rican stands over Rodez, who is nearly knocked out. He tells Cuban Wall to go grab the ladder that's been in the ring the whole time. COLE PR calling for the ladder. What's he doing now? Wall grabs the ladder and hands it over to PRL. PRL thanks Wall. Wall blushes. Puerto Rican slams the ladder onto the mat. COLE Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going. And neither does the crowd, who are booing profusely. PR and Vitamin X grab Leon by the legs, and drag him over to the ladder. As a "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up again, Mr. Boricua opens up the ladder. TPR and Vitamin X place Leon's right knee in between the ladder. COLE Oh no! Don't tell me! Not this! They're not gonna' CABOOSE Oh yes they are, Cole. Oh yes they are. The crowd hopes for a Leon comeback, but it ain't happening. PRL and Vitamin X smile evilly. The Lightning Crew stands back and watches, as Tha Puerto Rican grabs the part of the ladder that's sitting on top of Leon's right knee… ....lifts it up.... And then SMASHES it on top of Leon's right knee! CROWD GROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN! COLE Good God! What a sickening sound! You could hear that all over the arena! Leon Rodez screams out in pain. He can't take the pain and agony. PRL laughs manically while the crowd boos again. COLE PRL has just attacked Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee. The knee that kept him out of action for months! It's like PRL wants Leon to not be 100% by AngleMania! CABOOSE You dingbat, that's EXACTLY what PRL wants. He's going to retain the 24/7 Title by any means necessary, as we just saw right there. PRL is going to keep his reign going for another year! WOOOO! The Lightning Crew laughs at Leon's misery. Leon is still on the mat, holding his right knee, screaming. COLE I think The Lightning Crew may have reinjured that knee. CABOOSE Gee, you think? The Lightning Crew all gloat over their latest evil deed over Leon Rodez. The crowd still hates Puerto. Suddenly, the happiness fades when Puerto spots Colombian Heat getting on the ring apron. The crowd starts cheering as John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Spanish Fly, and Otaku II slowly crawl back into the ring. COLE The Anti-LC is back up, but they maybe a little too late. Tha Puerto Rican tells his troops to run away. They do so, leaving the ring, but with smiles on their faces; mission accomplished. PRL smiles evilly as he high fives Cuban Wall and kisses Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowd has quieted down, worried over Leon's health. COLE The Lightning Crew has once again done damage to a PRL opponent! They've been in the OAOAST for three years, and have always helped PRL in his battles, always helping him gain an advantage. Colombian Heat, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Spanish Fly, and Otaku II have entered the ring. John Brickston is the first one to check on Leon, followed by Colombian Heat. Brickston removes the ladder from Leon's knee and throws it aside. The four babyfaces check on their fallen buddy while the crowd looks on. COLE And now Leon's friends

(RETURN FROM BREAK) Backstage, Leon Rodez is sat and musing. Presumably, his musing is over AngleMania and his Ladder Match which is just three days away...and not his sister and her tag team combination D*LUX, who stand in the room behind him. JADE You okay bro? LEON Yeah I'm fine. JADE Listen, if it's not too much trouble...can I get some advice? You know, about wrestling? LEON Advice...advice...hmm. Well, The OAOAST Tag Team Division is...well, it's...have you ever seen the video for Daft Punk's "Around The World". It's kinda like that. Not that me and Zack really went through the ranks like you guys will, but there's a lot of very 'unique' characters in the division. A few oddballs, you know. ALIX HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEERRRRREEEE'SSSSS ALLY!! Leon raises an eyebrow, as if to say "well, I did warn you.", as the OAO Alix Maria Spezia pokes her head through the door of the lockerroom. But Alix isn't alone as not just one Chick Over Dick, but two enter the room. Krista Isadora Duncan and Leon exchange a typically icy look as Jade perkily waves at the COD. Alix returns the chirpy gesture and gives her boyfriend a warm hug, while Krista barely acknowledges the wannabee student to her don't wannabee mentor. Instead, her interest is taken by D*LUX who apparantly she hasn't met, despite her 'friendship' with their manager. KRISTA Woah, when did Synth and The Marv have kids and why wasn't the national press informed? JADE Uh, Krista...can I...uh, ask you for some advice? LEON Uhm, ouch? KRISTA Oh don't worry, the moment wickle Jade here ends up with popstar spawn swimming around her belly, I'm sure you'll be the perfect guy to give her advice, but until then you don't worry your little head about unimportant things like being a good role model to your little sister. Grumbling to himself, Leon figures no good can come of trying to talk with Krista around, so takes Alix off to the corner of the locker room for some private time. Meanwhile, Jade tries her best not to look like an over-eager lapdog as she waits for Krista to answer her. KRISTA So, what is it this time? JADE Well, I figured since you're a former World Tag Team Champion and you know all about kicking everyone's ass in the tag team division and stuff...maybe you could give us three a little advice? And stuff? You know...about tag wrestling or something? Cause I've been watching videos and stuff but it's real hard to learn everything so quickly and I've never really managed anything since my poor little bunny rabbit died when I was six because I kept eating all his carrots and lettuce and stuff. KRISTA It's funny you should ask in such a convoluted way. It so happens I have some advice for you. Grab whatever it is you two think passes as wrestling gear and get yourself warmed up, because I 'spoke' to Axel when he told me about my match and in between the threatening and the growling and the snarling, I stopped and let him speak and I got you two a match tonight. JADE You did that for me!? KRISTA Well... JADE Oh, wow, that's so kind Krista, thank you thank you! See, I told you she was real swell guys! Who's it against? KRISTA Well, gee golly little lady, untie that knot in your panties and settle yourself down and I'll tell you! (Krista holds up her hands) I'm sorry. It's just that sound of happiness and sweetness and love and blissful ignorance towards the world around you drills through my brain something rotten. I've tried switching Alix to decaf, I have. Oh how I've tried. All that Diet Dr Pepper she chugs down sends her loopy though. I found a whole pack under her bed once. Don't try it with Vodka, trust me. Really disgusting stuff. And the taste doesn't even mellow after 10 shots like most substances you find around the house do. But, I digress. It just so happens that New Kids On The Block here have earnt themselves a match with my AngleMania opponents, Christian Wright and Bohemoth. What are the chances? Upon hearing that, Leon suddenly peels Alix off of him and storms over. LEON You're kidding me, right? You're getting my sister and her team to do your dirty work? KRISTA Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed this was none of your business. Silly me! LEON Christian and Bohemoth are experienced wrestlers. They've been in the company for near enough a year and they've wrestled some of the biggest names in the OAOAST and you're expecting my sister and her rookie team to beat them? KRISTA Newsflash hot stuff, I didn't make this match, Axel did. Remember him? The GM guy? But let's forget all about that and pile the hate trip on bitter ol' Krista Isadora Duncan, just because she has more faith in your sister than you do. You know, if I had a brother that automatically thought I was gonna fail at everything I did then I'd be pretty depressed with life and raid my parents spirits cabinet, then log myself onto MySpace and look for some buddies to go commit suicide with. Luckily, I don't have that. I just feel sorry for Jade that she's got a brother like you who lacks certain qualities such as commitment and loyalty. Maybe these kids are gonna get their asses handed to them by Christian and Bohemoth. Maybe Bohemoth's such an incompetent clutz that he'll trip up during his entrance and knock himself out on the floor, getting himself counted out. Who knows? Certainly not you, so maybe you should have some faith. Maybe they'll win. Maybe they'll lose. Maybe the match will get called off because JINGUS decides now's the perfect time to sacrifice a flock of sheep to his demon gods in the middle of the ring, causing everyone to run from the arena vomiting. I just hope that Bohemoth doesn't decide to bring any scissors to the ring and try to cut poor little Jade's hair, because God knows her brother won't be around to come to the rescue because he's too busy playing "1998 Redux" with Puerto Rican Lightning and his hombrés. And if we did need some help from these two to deal with CW and Bo, maybe it's because Alix's boyfriend is an unattentive waste of space who can't or more likely won't lift a finger to help her out when she needs him. Just a theory. Krista finishes up on her tirade and takes a gasp of oxygen. LEON ...I'll see you later Al, I've got things to do. ALIX Where you talking to me or Big Al the cameraman, sugar cookie? Because if you were talking about Big Al, we should maybe talk about a seperation. LEON I'll call you later. Giving Alix a peck on the cheek, Leon promptly leaves, which prompts Krista to sulkily grumble to herself that Leon isn't enough of a challenge. D*LUX have in the meantime gone about getting prepped for their match, which is hampered by Alix's chirpy chatter. KRISTA Oh, Jade... JADE Yes Krista? KRISTA If you want some advice for being a manager, then I feel this is best coming from me rather than someone you neither know nor respect, because it's the most vital lesson you'll ever need to know. Men are fickle. I can talk to you from experience, but I doubt you want to fetch me beer after beer all night so I'll spare you. So let me leave it at this. You have assets, so use them. JADE So...like, my wrestling training? Groaning, Krista wipes a hand across her head. KRISTA Look, this goes against everything you'll ever hear me say about women being more than mere sex objects...but, to most men, women are mere sex objects. The good Lord didn't give you those breasts just to feed your offspring with, if you catch my drift. JADE Uhm...you want me to flash people? KRISTA No. But come a step down on the sexploitation ladder and you're home and dry lil' lady. Jade, if I had assets like yours when I was eighteen I wouldn't have worn clothes at all, but apparantly you have some of those pesky morals people always tell me about. So here's the thing. You're a female manager. Instead of being one of those things well and being the other part by virtue, why not be good at both? Take advantage of both sides of that coin. Do all the research, do all the scouting. Be a manager. Stand up for women's rights. Preach to the world about whatever it is you kids care about nowadays like dolphins or a new face for Courtney Love. Take the 50% cut on your team's profits like I told you to... JADE It's 60%, actually. KRISTA Damn, I am good aren't I? Well, whatever, get rich off of them. And when those cheques clear, get yourself out in the stores and buy yourself the most revealing, lowest-cut, slutty tops and shortest skirts you can find and win your team matches. JADE Like, distraction? Gee, I dunno if that's really honourable Kris'. KRISTA That's for God to decide, not me nor you. You don't have to be a slut, just give the impression that you are. You could walk out to that ring in a potato sack and every red-blooded male in that arena is going to undress you with their eyes regardless, so why not make their lives a little easier if it means distracting the men in the ring from their job? So you show some flesh? Is that so bad? Do you wear sweaters on the beach? No. You wear a skimpy string bikini and scream 'hey, hunky guy, stop kicking over that little kid's sandcastle and service me'. I would have thought someone your age would be used to all this by now. What do they teach you in school nowadays? Sex sells. So next time you're feeling worried about something, just close your eyes, click your heels together and say to yourself..."There's no thing like money." "There's no thing like money." "There's no thing like money." JADE I will Krista! KRISTA And if you're planning on actually wearing a bikini to the ring, you might want to borrow one of my fitness videos first. No offence. JADE Uhm...thanks? KRISTA Don't mention it. Good luck tonight, I'll be watching real close. (BACK TO THE SC) COLE I've been thinking long and hard about Krista's advice.... CABOOSE Long and hard? She just said it! COLE (cont) And I've got assets of my own. And when you got it, you gotta flaunt it, am I right? (Caboose taps his cricket bat, squashing Cole's unwise idea) COLE Very well! Folks, this Sunday will be a day of ladder matches, as the we have one for the 24/7 title and another Two For the Money match. After the following contest, we'll hear some words from the wrestlers competiting in that two for the money contest. Now let's go up to the ring. The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Vitamin X is. The crowd boos. Vitamin X is pacing back and forth, getting ready for his Corporate Street Fight against Colombian Heat later tonight. He has a cocky smile on his face. The camera pans to the left to reveal that Cuban Wall, VX’s partner in Brains & Brawn, is also in the dressing room. CUBAN WALL Uh…X. Are you sure you’re ready to do this? VITAMIN X Yeah sure. What—what makes you think that I’m not ready for this? CUBAN WALL Well, this is a Corporate STREET Fight. And…well…you’re not exactly street. This stuns Vitamin X. VITAMIN X Not exactly street? Not exactly street? I AM street, Wall! I was street before Colombian Heat was street! I was street before there even was a word for street! Little does Colombian Heat know, but I have dabbled a bit in the “street” culture myself. I knew a guy that was black, I’ve seen Boyz N’ The Hood two times, I heard a 50 Cent song. I’m street. I’m down! I listened to Biggie. I know what street is! Look. Vitamin X goes over to his gym bag and pulls out a black baseball cap, which he puts on. Backwards. That thug. VITAMIN X See? Cuban Wall punches Vitamin X in the jaw! The baseball cap almost falls off. VITAMIN X OWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR? CUBAN WALL X, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard coming from your mouth! You’re not street! You’re Corporate! You’re rich! You don’t live in the ghetto, you live in a mansion! You listen to Mozart, not 2Pac! You’re not street in any way, shape, or form and because of that you’re going to get KILLED in the Corporate Street Fight! VITAMIN X Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Listen. Listen my man. Listen. Now, I know on paper, it looks like I’m dead meat. But, I always go a plan. You see, there is a reason that I challenged Colombian Heat to a Corporate Street Fight tonight. And it’s because… Vitamin X has put his black baseball cap back on. He stops and sees the camera in the room. VITAMIN X Hey. What are you doing here? Get out! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! CUBAN WALL Yeah, get out! Vitamin X moves towards the cameraman, shoving him out of the dressing room. The cameraman has no choice but to leave. Cuban Wall slams the door. The cameraman is left on the outside, depressed, and hangs his head in shame. COLE What could Vitamin X be discussing with Cuban Wall? COACH I don’t know, but I bet it’s good! (FADE OUT) We used to hate each other... The voice of James Blonde echoes over a shot of he and Faqu, starting deep into the camera. We're the hottest tag team in OAOAST history, whether you want to admit it or not. Cut to shot of Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, the Global Party Exchange, snickering at the camera. I gots the skills for the thrills, and the drive to survive. Jamie O'Hara, arms folded in front of his chest, nods at the camera. I'm the one with the most to lose...and I love those odds. Zack Malibu, sitting on a locker room bench with the HI-YAH belt laid across his lap, looks up at the camera. This isn't about anyone's war. A voiceover speaks over clips of several clips of Upstarts/Originals altercations. This is about pride. A shot of Zack Malibu winning the HI-YAH Heavyweight Title is shown. This is about glory. A shot of Blonde and Faqu standing in the ring is shown next. All allegiances are out the window. Cut to a clip of the GPX and Jamie O'Hara walking to the ring. Don't underestimate us. Faqu's deep voice bellows a warning, as the camera zooms in on his eyes. I'm willin' to kill myself for this chance... Jamie O'Hara executes a corkscrew moonsault off the top rope. ...we're willing to take each other out if it means victory... The GPX stare each other down. ...so just imagine what we're gonna do... James Blonde hits a hard lariat on Dan Black. ...to YOU. The five challengers, in unison, shout those words as a shot of Zack standing with the belt over his shoulder comes up. THIS SUNDAY. The narrator's voice returns, as various clips of all six men are shown in rapid-fire motion. SIX MEN. Seperate shots of each of the six combatants flicker across the screen. VYING FOR NOT ONE... A shot of the HI-YAH Championship belt. ...BUT TWO CHANCES FOR GLORY. A shot of an official OAOAST contract, with a blank line for a signature at the bottom, is shown in close-up. TO GET TO THE TOP...YOU MUST MAKE IT TO THE TOP. Various clips from last fall's TLC match on HeldDOWN~! are shown, including the teetering ladder duel, and the powerbomb over the ropes onto the ladder. ONE MAN WILL CLAIM TWO PRIZES. A shot of the belt and the contract, side by side, is show. THE RIGHT TO CALL HIMSELF CHAMPION. Zack Malibu, standing on the ramp in his entrance gear with the HI-YAH belt fastened around his waist, is shown. THE RIGHT TO CHALLENGE A CHAMPION. Two shots, one of current champion Peter Knight, the other of his Anglemania challenger Alfdogg, flicker across the screen. This Sunday... JAMIE O'HARA. This Sunday... JAMES BLONDE. This Sunday... FAQU. This Sunday... SCOTTY STATIC. This Sunday... JOHNNY JAX. This Sunday... HI-YAH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ZACK MALIBU. THIS SUNDAY, GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH. The OAOAST Presents: TWO FOR THE MONEY. This Sunday, live on Pay Per View. Only at ANGLEMANIA V. (FADE TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(RETURN FROM BREAK) The camera cuts to the ring, where Michael Buffer stands in the center, cue cards in his hands. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the “Exhibition Match” scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Havana, Cuba, but now living in an expensive 500 million dollar mansion in beautiful Miami, Florida. He weighs in tonight at 248 lbs., which will also be his weight at AngleMania V. He is the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew. He is intelligent, handsome, witty, sophisticated, and…(Buffer looks at the cue card, a look of “I have to read THIS?” on his face)…well endowed. All the things Colombian HACK isn’t. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the man who will beat that piece of lower class filth at AngleMania on Sunday. The one, the only, God’s gift to professional wrestling and to the ladies, VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX! Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Rocky theme song starts playing. “Gonna Fly Now” plays over the P.A. system, confusing the Hell out of the crowd. Then, the entrance doors slide open, and the confusion disappears, replaced with LOUD booing. Because Vitamin X, the X-Man himself, is out on the entrance stage. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Uh…what the hell is going on? CABOOSE I don’t know Mikey. But I like it. Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and then pumps the crowd up. He is wearing a black tracksuit with white stripes and the OAOAST logo on the left side of the shirt. He is also wearing his standard Reebok sneakers, in addition to an iPod, which he is listening to right now. The X-Man does some shadowboxing on the entrance stage, somehow irritating the crowd even more. COACH Don’t you guys get it? Vitamin X is training for his match against Colombian Heat at AngleMania. AngleMania is this Sunday guys. He’s got to get ready for it! CABOOSE Yeah. You’re right. Vitamin X has been in intensive training for this match. 24/7. We are seeing part of his training regimen right now. The exhibition match. Vitamin X switches between shuffling and shadowboxing as he walks down the entrance ramp. He shadowboxes the camera as “Gonna Fly Now” continues playing. COLE Well, this is certainly unusual. But then again, we have seen a lot more crazy shit in the OAOAST. CABOOSE You’re telling me. Look at Vitamin X. He seems to be ready for Colombian Heat on Sunday. He’s pumped up, brotha! HULK HOGAN WHAT’CHA GONNA DO!? Vitamin X doesn’t jaw jack with anybody this week. He is strictly shadowboxing for now. He hops onto a turnbuckle. Vitamin X crosses his arms in an X, causing the crowd to boo some more. COLE I’m having a hard time believing what I’m seeing. Vitamin X, wearing a tracksuit, coming out to the ring to the Rocky theme song. This is just…surreal, I guess. COACH Vitamin X is going to show us that he IS ready for AngleMania V. He’s got to be. He’s going to be wrestling in his home away from home, Atlantic City. That’s where Donald Trump hangs. He’s got to look good in front of him! Vitamin X hops off the turnbuckle. He bounces off the ropes and does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle again. He then continues shadowboxing. COLE You know, I don’t think this will be enough to defeat Colombian Heat. I think Vitamin X is going to have to rely on his talent to defeat Colombian Heat on Sunday. CABOOSE He will, son. At AngleMania V, Vitamin X will beat Colombian HACK one-two-three in the middle of the ring. Vitamin X calls for a microphone. He gets one from a ring attendant, as “Gonna Fly Now” has to restart again. COLE Vitamin X is going to face a member of The Lightning Crew tonight, as a way to prepare for his big Grudge Match against Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania V! “Gonna Fly Now” dies down. Vitamin X stands in the ring, a microphone in his right hand. The crowd boos loudly. “YOU SUCK, X!” yells one drunken fan. VITAMIN X Colombian HACK… COLE Here we go. VX I want you to watch this match closely. I want you to watch it because it’s going to be a preview. A preview of the Hell you will experience when I put my foot up your ass this Sunday at AngleMania! CROWD BOO! VITAMIN X Colombian Heat, at long last on April 2nd, you get what you want. You get your match with me. And I know you. I’ve studied your tapes. I’ve watched your matches. You think you got me. You think I won’t show up for AngleMania V prepared. That you’re just going to kick my ass all over the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center and pin me after a Colombian Necktie. WELL THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! At AngleMania, Colombian Heat, you will feel the almighty wrath of the X-Man! At AngleMania, you will take your Vitamin X. And at AngleMania V, I will beat you, I PROMISE THAT, because I am THAT much better THAN YOU! It’ll be as easy as uno, dos, thes. And you can bet on that, “homie”. Vitamin X puts the microphone away. He takes off his track jacket, revealing that he is wearing the yellow COLOMBIAN HACK soccer jersey that he made. He also takes off his iPod. The crowd is still booing. VX slaps himself in the head to get psyched up. COLE Vitamin X talks a big game, but he’s going to have to back it up in the ring this Sunday. CABOOSE Are you paying attention? He’s going to show Colombian HACK just how he’ll back it up in the ring right now! COLE I wasn’t paying attention. I’m trying to think of anything that’ll distract me from having to listen to Vitamin X talk. CABOOSE Murmur. Murmur. Slightly more intense murmur. “LIGHTNING CREW!” And the booing continues, as Tha Puerto Rican’s stable is about to come out. The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays, while smoke fills up the entryway. Then, the crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the entrance. The crowd boos, as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No Chance (No chance) That’s what ya got (Ha! Ha! Yeah) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez come out, to loud boos. They both have tough looks on their faces. Yes, even Thomas Rodriguez. Mr. Boricua looks at the crowd, and raises his hands. Thomas Rodriguez does the same. Vitamin X looks at the two of them, ready for battle. Mr. Boricua grunts, snorts, and cracks his knuckles. He yells at Thomas Rodriguez, scaring him a bit, and then walks down the entrance ramp with him as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. *But will find their place in line (In line) But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s a matter OF TIME! Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.) NO CHANCE IN HELL!! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!! (Yeah!)* BUFFER And their opponents. Coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 444 lbs. Representing The Lightning Crew. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ and MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAA ! Mr. Boricua grunts and yells at the fans as he walks down the entrance ramp. Thomas Rodriguez is in his rarely seen wrestling attire, which is a blue singlet top, blue long tights with PUERTO written down the left leg in big white blocky letters, and RICO written down the right leg in big white blocky letters. A Puerto Rican flag is on the rear. Black boots. Blue elbowpads and blue wristbands. Thomas tries to get himself psych up by slapping himself, but he only causes more pain. COLE So Vitamin X’s opponents in this here Exhibition Match are Mr. Boricua and…Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas Rodriguez? Why couldn’t it have been Cuban Wall? CABOOSE Well, they asked Cuban Wall, and Cuban Wall said, “I would rather listen to a rap song, then participate in this stupid match.” His words, not mine. COLE Oh. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans, and then climbs over the top rope, into the ring. Thomas Rodriguez also enters the ring. A spotlight shines on Boricua and Thomas. Boricua and Thomas stare at each other…and then do The Lightning Crew Salute, drawing more boos. Vitamin X is at a corner watching all of this. COLE Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are merely here to act as enhancement talent for VX. They are pretty much being used as cannon fodder, as a way for Vitamin X to show Colombian Heat what’s in store for him April the 2nd. CABOOSE There you go! That’s the idea! Numb nuts. Mr. Boricua yells some more. And more yelling. And more yelling. Thomas saids a little prayer for his safety as the lights go back on in the arena. Mr. Boricua poses on a turnbuckle. He yells at the fans. CABOOSE Oh boy. I’m excited. I’m excited for this “Exhibition Match”. I can’t wait to see what Vitamin X has in store for Colombian HACK at AngleMania V! COLE We’ll find out in just a few moments Caboose. Mr. Boricua gets off the turnbuckle. He chats with Thomas Rodriguez while Vitamin X waits for the match to begin. Referee Mike Chioda pats down Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez. He then pats down Vitamin X. Afterwards; Mike Chioda calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “EXHIBITION MATCH” VITAMIN X vs. MR. BORICUA AND THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Mr. Boricua is pumped up for the match. Vitamin X goes over to a turnbuckle and kneels in front of it. He starts praying, which is odd because Vitamin X is an agnostic. COLE He’s ripping off Rocky! CABOOSE Oh, like he isn’t the first guy to do so! Vitamin X finishes his prayer and then crosses himself. He slaps the top turnbuckle pad and then turns around to face his opponents for tonight. Vitamin X chats with Thomas Rodriguez while Mr. Boricua stands there like an idiot. Thomas puts his right hand out. VX shakes it. Vitamin X then puts his right hand out for Mr. Boricua to shake. Mr. Boricua is a little hesitant at first. MR. BORICUA Uhhh. Me. Don’t. Think. Great. Idea. VITAMIN X It’s okay Boricua. I won’t bite. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you. Mr. Boricua looks at Thomas, who eggs him on. Mr. Boricua looks at the fans, and then, after what seems like ages, shakes Vitamin X’s right hand, which leads to Vitamin X kneeing Mr. Boricua in the stomach! Vitamin X punches Mr. Boricua in the face several times, and then applies a side headlock on Boricua. CABOOSE Look at X, tightening that hold. It’s amazing! VX holds on for as much as he can, but Mr. Boricua elbows him in the gut, and then throws him to the ropes. VX bounces off the ropes, right into a shoulderblock from Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua bounces off the ropes, goes over Vitamin X, bounces off the opposite ropes, Vitamin X LEAPFROGS OVER Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua bounces off the ropes, right into a dropkick from Vitamin X! CABOOSE Aw yeah! Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Vitamin X is pulling out all these new moves for Colombian Heat. The leapfrog. The dropkick. I love it. We’re going to see a new innovative Vitamin X at AngleMania! Mr. Boricua is in fear of the awesome power of Vitamin X. The crowd thinks otherwise. “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* Mr. Boricua makes the tag to Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas is hesitant. He enters the ring slowly. COLE Thomas is the cowardly referee from The Lightning Crew that I just love so much. CABOOSE Enough with the sarcasm buddy! Thomas stares at Vitamin X. The 5’8” 248 pound X-Man is able to gain control of the 5’5” 144 pound Rodriguez. Armdrag from Vitamin X! Thomas gets up. Another armdrag from Vitamin X! Thomas is already starting to feel winded. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ I can’t do this. I can’t take it. The crowd boos, as they can’t believe this farce is continuing. Thomas Rodriguez consoles Mr. Boricua, who just yells. CABOOSE I wonder what sound strategy they are discussing. COLE Caboose. Come on. Come on! CABOOSE What? I was just thinking. Thomas Rodriguez is hesitant, but he receives a high five from Mr. Boricua. A “P.R. SUCKS!” chant starts for all three Lightning Crew members in the ring. Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez circle each other. They lock up. Thomas actually knees Vitamin X in the gut. He has a smile on his face, so he’s decided to go for an actual wrestling move, the bodyslam. However, just as Thomas is lifting VX off the ground, VX escapes. He gets behind Thomas, turns him around, and then scoops him up, crashing him down to the earth with the power of the bodyslam! VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! CROWD BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Vitamin X starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, getting fired up. Thomas Rodriguez crawls over to his corner, and tags in Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua goes for a punch, but VX ducks it, and then punches Mr. Boricua in the face. He does it again. And again! Vitamin X starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch. Punch. Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch! Mr. Boricua falls to the mat. CABOOSE Whoa, did you see that? Look at the power of Vitamin X! He just took down Mr. Boricua with those punches! He’s strong, isn’t he? COLE Um, I don’t think his punches were enough to bring him down to the mat, Caboose. CABOOSE What? The X-Man stomps on Mr. Boricua. He picks him up. VX whips Mr. Boricua into a neutral corner. Vitamin X then charges forward, and nails Mr. Boricua with a clothesline! Then Vitamin X starts unleashing a combination of chops and punches to Mr. Boricua. COLE Hey. Wait a minute. The crowd starts buzzing, getting even louder when Vitamin X switches to martial arts kicks all over Mr. Boricua’s body. COLE He’s doing Colombian Heat’s moves! CABOOSE And he’s doing them better than Colombian Heat ever did! Vitamin X finishes the martial arts kicks with a jumping back kick to Mr. Boricua’s jaw, knocking him down. The crowd’s boos get louder. Mr. Boricua’s head rests on the bottom turnbuckle, so the fans get an idea on where Vitamin X is going with this. And indeed, Vitamin X heads to the opposite turnbuckle. COLE You gotta be kidding me. Vitamin X does the “low rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, giving Mr. Boricua the Broncobuster! COLE Broncobuster on Mr. Boricua! Vitamin X is mocking Colombian Heat with the Broncobuster! CABOOSE Vitamin X Invented the Broncobuster you know. Colombian HACK stole it from him! COLE I seriously have a hard time believing that. COACH It’s true. KURT ANGLE It’s damn true. Vitamin X gets off of Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua sits dazed on the turnbuckle pad. So, Thomas Rodriguez enters the ring. He goes for a clothesline, but Vitamin X ducks, and punches Thomas in the face. He does it again. And again! Vitamin X DANCES~! And then nails Thomas with a fourth punch, knocking him down! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Vitamin X? COACH Look at that! Vitamin X is showing off the OTHER move he invented! The Shake, Rattle, & Roll! COLE … Vitamin X bounces off the ropes. He does a SHIMMY~! And then drops a knee onto Thomas’ head. The Shaky Leg Kneedrop! VX picks Thomas Rodriguez up. He punches him and then whips him into a turnbuckle. “KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* Vitamin X follows up with a combination of punches and chops to Thomas Rodriguez. Since Thomas is such a coward, he screams after every chop and punch. He also screams when Vitamin X starts kicking Thomas with martial arts kicks all over his body, finishing off with a jumping back kick to Thomas’ jaw. Thomas screams, and then falls to the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle. The crowd starts booing again, as they must once again see Vitamin X steal Colombian Heat’s most popular move. Vitamin X heads to the opposite turnbuckle. He does the “low rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, hitting Thomas Rodriguez with the Broncobuster! COACH Broncobuster on Thomas Rodriguez! Broncobuster on Thomas Rodriguez! CABOOSE YEAH BABY~! WOOOOOOOO! Vitamin X gets off of Thomas, and taunts him, calling him “Colombian Heat!” CABOOSE In his mind, Thomas Rodriguez IS Colombian Heat, and he is going to do the exact same thing to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania V! The camera cuts to the backstage area, where Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are watching the match on a monitor. The crowd cheers. COLE There is Colombian Heat, the man who Vitamin X will face in 3 days at AngleMania V! COACH Look at him. He’s shaking in his Reeboks. He’s terrified of having to face the jungle cat, the X-Man, Vitamin X! CABOOSE He’s probably like, “Yo. I’ma gonna get my ass kicked, son!” COLE I don’t see any fear on his face. CABOOSE That’s because he’s hiding it, you dumbass. Do I have to teach you EVERYTHING? Vitamin X taunts Thomas Rodriguez some more. He does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Suddenly, Mr. Boricua is back on his feet, and grabs Vitamin X from behind. Vitamin X tries to escape, but Mr. Boricua is just too strong. Mr. Boricua tells Thomas Rodriguez to get off the turnbuckle. Thomas Rodriguez slowly, (very slowly) gets up, out of breath and perspiring. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, with Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X growing more and more impatient. Finally, Thomas Rodriguez walks over to Vitamin X, and starts punching him in the stomach. COLE I wonder how much a punch from THOMAS RODRIGUEZ can hurt you? COACH Oh they can hurt a lot. Thomas is not the little weakling that you think he is. He isn’t. After taking several punches from Thomas, Vitamin X starts to regain strength. He has a cocky smirk on his face. Thomas’ punches are no longer affecting him. X kicks Mr. Boricua in the nuts! Mr. Boricua yells out, and grabs the little Boricuas. He falls to the mat. MR. BORICUA My. Pee. Pee. Hurt! Ow! With Mr. Boricua down on the mat, Thomas Rodriguez starts to panic. He begs off Vitamin X, but X is having none of that. He has an evil grin on his face when he starts punching Thomas in the face. CABOOSE Look at that. Look at the power of Vitamin X! He’s making the comeback! Just like he will against Colombian Heat! Vitamin X beats Thomas Rodriguez silly, and then whips him into the ropes. Back elbow from Vitamin X onto Thomas Rodriguez! Vitamin X gets right back up. He exits the ring. Vitamin X looks underneath the ring apron for something. He comes out with his gym bag from last week. Vitamin X opens up the gym bag…and pulls out a Kendo Stick. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE A Kendo Stick! The same weapon Vitamin X used last week to cost Colombian Heat a win against Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE The Kendo Stick is Vitamin X’s signature weapon. That’s his specialty. And I bet he’s going to want to use that Kendo Stick against Colombian Heat! COLE But if he uses it, won’t he get disqualified? COLE With the money he makes, I bet Vitamin X can bribe a referee to let him use whatever he wants. COACH Yeah. Vitamin X enters the ring with the Kendo Stick in his hands. He waits for Mr. Boricua to get up. The crowd is antsy. Mr. Boricua slowly gets up. COACH If he hits Mr. Boricua this one is over. Mr. Boricua gets to one knee. He then gets to a vertical base. VITAMIN X COME ON! COME ON! Mr. B turns around… *CRACK!* …and gets nailed in the head with the Kendo Stick! COLE Ooh! What a shot! Mr. Boricua falls to the mat! Somehow the Kendo Stick hasn’t broke despite meeting Mr. Boricua’s head. Thomas Rodriguez is just getting up too. *CRACK!* And he also gets hit in the head with the Kendo Stick! COLE My God! CABOOSE What great friends Vitamin X has, for them to allow Vitamin X to hit them with a Kendo Stick like this. What wonderful friends! The crowd groaned with each shot. Both Thomas Rodriguez and Mr. Boricua are down on the mat. Vitamin X throws the Kendo Stick away, and exits the ring. He climbs the top rope. COACH Oh boy! Here it comes! This is the end! This is the finish! CABOOSE Oh yeah baby! The crowd starts booing, knowing what’s coming up next. Vitamin X stands on the top rope, measuring the distance. Vitamin X leaps off the top rope…and comes crashing down with an elbowdrop on Thomas Rodriguez! The Leap Of Faith! COLE The Leap Of Faith! The Leap Of Faith on Thomas Rodriguez! Vitamin X gets right back up, confusing the crowd. Vitamin X is now perspiring himself, and is breathing hard. Vitamin X exits the ring and climbs the top rope. The crowd starts booing again. X measures the distance between him and Mr. Boricua. And then leaps off the top rope, dropping the Leap Of Faith onto Mr. Boricua’s giant forehead! COLE And now the Leap Of Faith on Mr. Boricua! CABOOSE Double the pleasure, double the fun! COACH I got to see two Leap Of Faiths in one night! Awesome! Vitamin X gets up, and puts an arm over Mr. Boricua and an arm over Thomas Rodriguez, covering both of them. Mike Chioda counts. 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (3:45) COLE Mercifully it’s over. Vitamin X gets up and celebrates his win, while the crowd boos loudly. BUFFER Here is your winner…VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX! “Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are still on the mat recovering from the Kendo Stick shots. VX gets his hands raised by Mike Chioda, and then jumps up and down like a spazz, a smile on his face. COLE Well Vitamin X just gave us an “Exhibition” of what he believes will happen to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania. CABOOSE It’s not just his belief; it’s what’s going to happen to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania. There is no way in Hell that Colombian Heat will be able to withstand the brutal assault of Vitamin X, the X-Man, this Sunday! Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle in the ring. He then dances badly as “Bling-Bling” continues playing. He points to his jersey, and says, “COLOMBIAN HACK! COLOMBIAN HACK! YEAH-UH! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~!” Just then, a piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. DMX COME ON! *BOOM!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out, causing the crowd to cheer, and cheer loudly I might add. Colombian Heat is wearing his Colombian flag bandana with the knot tied on the front, 2Pac style, a bunch of gold chains, his Colombian Heat yellow soccer jersey, a very expensive platinum watch, camouflage shorts, and brown workman boots. He is holding a microphone in his right hand and is PISSED OFF~! Vitamin X is nervous standing in the ring. COLE Colombian Heat is out here right now! COACH That piece of lower class filth is probably going to tell Vitamin X he forfeits the match after seeing Vitamin X’s excellent “Exhibition” match. CABOOSE He probably pissed his pants in fear. COLE I don’t know if he pissed his pants, but he is definitely pissed off. Colombian Heat brings the microphone to his lips. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, kill da beat. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd is cheering. “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!” COLOMBIAN HEAT So, I saw your little “Exhibition” Match. And I’s gots to admit, I really was impressed. The crowd boos. Vitamin X smiles. HEAT Yeah. I’s was impressed dat you were’s able to get your fruity lil’ friends to agree to participate in this crap! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Hey! CABOOSE Participate is too big of a word for Colombian Heat. HEAT Vitamin X, none of yo training, yo exercising, yo “Exhibition Matches”, are gonna stop me from kicking your rich ass this Sunday at AngleMania V! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLOMBIAN HEAT Vitamin X, I haven’t forgotten dat youse screwed me at Anglepalooza! And I haven’t forgotten da way youse has treated all these people. The way youse has look down on ‘em. Just cuz youse got a lil’ more money, doesn’t mean dat youse gotta treat the peeps real bad! Vitamin X rolls his eyes. HEAT So Vitamin X, the “X-Man”. Sunday, April 2nd, AngleMania V, I’s gonna beat you, and I’s gonna beat you good. But I’m not gonna beat you just for me. I’ma beat you for the people too! The crowd cheers. COLE Colombian Heat is representing the people this Sunday at AngleMania! COLOMBIAN HEAT At AngleMania, I’MA GONNA DESTROY YOU! At AngleMania, you WILL feel da Heat UP IN THIS— “BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!” The crowd cheers some more. Vitamin X has had enough (He also has a microphone in his hands). VITAMIN X Real cute, Colombian Heat. Real cute. Representing the people at AngleMania. That’s very nice. But listen here, you Ebonics spewing, baggy pants wearing, gold teeth having, weed smoking, rice and bean eating MORON! You have to have TALENT to beat me. And Colombian Heat, you’ve NEVER had talent. Not when you were in The Lightning Crew, not when you were fighting PRL, and NOT NOW! Colombian Heat, at AngleMania V, YOU will be the one feeling the Heat UP IN THIS— “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Vitamin X is disappointed that he didn’t get the same response Colombian Heat got. CABOOSE Stupid fans. VX SHUT UP! Colombian Heat, how about we start our AngleMania match a little early. How about tonight, on HeldDOWN~!, you, and me we have a fight. Not a match. A FIGHT. I’m taking you to my world. I want us to have a CORPORATE STREET FIGHT! COLE A Corporate Street Fight? CABOOSE A Corporate Street Fight! That’s a great idea! COACH A Corporate Street Fight? I like the sound of that. VITAMIN X So what do you say? You up for it? Or are you a…pussy? COLE Uh-oh. The crowd goes “OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!” on that one. Then they start chanting. “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap* CABOOSE He is not! Colombian Heat thinks it over. COLOMBIAN HEAT The only pussy I see is you! Vitamin X didn’t like that one. HEAT Youse wanna go in a Corporate Street Fight? S’all good. You got it! COLE Colombian Heat accepts! We’re going to have a Corporate Street Fight later tonight! Vitamin X nods approvingly. That evil grin is on his face again. VITAMIN X Good. Good. So, I’ll see you later tonight, when I beat your ass, and then finish the job at AngleMania! COLOMBIAN HEAT That will only happen if I let it happen! Vitamin X, youse is about to become MY BITCH! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” HEAT Now hit my music! “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Vitamin X stares angrily at Colombian Heat, who does the same to Vitamin X. The cheering crowd cheers. COLE We have another match made for tonight. A first time ever CORPORATE Street Fight between Vitamin X and Colombian Heat just three days away from their match at AngleMania! COACH Smart of Vitamin X to get a head start on AngleMania by having this match just 72 hours away from the pay-per-view. Now he can make sure Colombian Heat doesn’t make it to AngleMania at 100%! CABOOSE Colombian Heat has no idea what he’s in for. Vitamin X is quite the street fighter. He’s fought on the streets in Miami before. He’s fought in back alleys, in bars, and in the ghetto. He’s even played every single version of the game Street Fighter that there is. Vitamin X is more street than Colombian Heat, and he is going to prove it tonight in the Corporate Street Fight! Vitamin X mouths off to Colombian Heat. Meanwhile, Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are just starting to get up. They are on their knees. COLE Vitamin X vs. Colombian Heat. First time ever Corporate Street Fight tonight on HeldDOWN~! Colombian Heat is still on the entrance stage staring at Vitamin X. Vitamin X does the McMahon SNEER~! He and Colombian Heat yell at each other as Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez get to their feet, tired and in huge amounts of pain. Thomas Rodriguez is holding his head and back. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull is still playing. (COMMERICAL) "It's raining men Hallejulah It's raining men Amen It's raining men Hallejulah It's raining men Amen" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title bout is set for one fall with a 15 minute tag limit. Introducing first...at a total combine weight of 340 pounds, the sexiest tag team in all of Meh-e-co, Mariachi and Moracca... LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO! Los Diablos de Fuego prance onto the illuminated pink and yellow stage, bumping and grinding to Geri Halliwell's cover of the classic 1980s hit. Mariachi and Moracca CARTWHEEL to the ring as GINGERBREAD MEN -- in clear plastic wrapper, of course -- designed like the homies begin falling from the rafters. COLE (hearty laugh) It's raining gingerbread men. And fans, you can pick up a batch of gingerbread Diablos and other baked goods made by Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties online at OAOAST.com. Guys, I had the pleasure of tasting one of the gingerbread Diablos earlier today and let me tell you, they were delicious. Hm-mm. COACH Little Debbie has nothing to worry about over Alix Spezia. But Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties? That girl ain't married. Oh, dear God, that doesn't mean she and Rodez are engaged? COLE Sexually, perhaps, but as man and wife, not to my knowledge. The homosexual luchadors get a little kinky with some of the men in the front row, allowing the fans to slap their butts, and Moracca to place his sombereo on a hunky male. Los Diablos slingshot into the ring and spring up to dry hump ring announcer Michael Buffer and referee Nick Patrick. The joyful atomsphere turns into one of hate as "Chase" hits, signaling the arrival of the World tag team champions and their manager. But they aren't alone, as Ned Blanchard holds in his hands the GUITAR he and Simon took from Holly-Wood's home two weeks ago, Spirit. BUFFER And their opponents, being led to the ring by their manager, the legendary Jim Cornette... from Beverly Hills, California, the OAOAST tag team champions of the woooorld... Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned, the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXXXXXXXPRESSSSSS! COLE There you see it, ladies and gentlemen, the guitar given to Holly-Wood by her boyfriend Logan Mann now in the possession of that arrogant bastard Ned Blanchard and his partner-in-crime Simon Singleton. COACH But you know what they say, Cole -- posession... COLE ...is 9/10ths of the law. I know. CABOOSE It should be noted this is the first match on television for the New New Midnight Express since retaining their championship last month at Zero Hour. For those wondering why the titles haven't been stripped from the champions for not depending it within 30 days, that rule was waived at the request of the Heavenly Rockers. They wanted to ensure the team they'd face at AngleMania was indeed the New New Midnight Express. Now the question is if it will even be the Heavenly Rockers facing Simon and Ned at AngleMania, or if it'll just be Logan. Synth still hasn't been heard from, but Mann says he'll go at it alone if he has to. COLE And in a Loser Leaves Town match at that. I will be interviewing the New New Midnight Express at the conclusion of this non-title match, win or lose, to get their response to Logan Mann's bombshell last week. * DING DING * That sound can only mean one thing -- the match is officially underway! Sarcastic Simon and Moracca starting for their respective teams. How each man views the match-up is clear from the beginning. Mariachi is focused whereas Simon is relaxed, not showing his opponent much respect by casually locking up with him, and flinging Mariachi across the ring with an armdrag takeover. Simon pops up to his feet and jumps into the arms of Ned Blanchard in the corner, the two acting like they just won the tag team titles for a fourth time, throwing their arms up in celebration. COLE The champs not showing much respect to their opponents. COACH Look at it this way, Mikey. You know what they say about Mexicans taking the jobs Americans don't want. Well, Los Diablos will be doing the job tonight! Unaccustomed to the American culture, Moracca doesn't know the champs are having fun at his expense, so he starts grinding up against Simon who suffers a case of the runs as he leaves Ned all alone with Moracca, who hugs and kisses the disgusted Handsome Hustler! COACH That homie is violating the Ned-Man. CABOOSE Ned doesn't like it now that the shoe is on the other foot. He's getting a taste of his own medicine. Simon carefully creeps up behind Moracca, like he's some disease infested mammal. He yanks Moracca off of Ned, but the masked luchador counters Singleton's attempted cheapshot with a jaw-dropping forearm smash. Moracca brings Singleton up by the wrist and wrings the arm, before performing self-molestion by rubbing the back of Singleton's hand up against his genitals! In comes Ned who fails in his attempt to aid his partner, missing a clothesline and eating a dropkick for his trouble. Moracca takes over a charging Simon Singleton with an armdrag, and then one of the Mexican variety. Simon gets up sneering, not because of sour candy but because he's irate. He and Moracca lock horns in the middle of the ring, with Simon gaining the advantage after a knee to the gut. A clubbering shot to the back and many knife-edge chops later, Simon whips Moracca to the ropes. The sassy illegal goes under a back elbow and floors the Sultan of Sarcasm with a spinning heel kick. Simon rolls over in a daze as Moracca quickly steps out on the apron and springboards off the top, driving Singleton face-first into the canvas with a guillotine leg drop! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Moracca with a round of forearm smashes to the side of the head. Simon fired off to the ropes, but he slides through Moracca's legs and sweeps him off his feet, pulling him down and running over his back to hit the ropes. Moracca leapfrogs over the incoming Midnight and, in one fell swoop, catches Singleton on the rebound with a drop toehold into ESTACAS INDIAS (Indian Deathlock)! COLE We may have a submission here, guys! What an upset this would be going into AngleMania. Blanchard gets caught trying to assist his partner again, this time by a Mariachi back bodydrop. And things get even worse for the Handsome Hustler as Mariachi places him in an inverted surfboard! The crowd is so loud referee Nick Patrick might not even hear a submission, but Jim Cornette is going to take any chances in the ref not hearing a submission as he climbs into the ring and drops a big elbow...on Simon! Cornette flops around like a fish out of water before he exits, or at least tries to exit. With perhaps the greatest manager of all time crawling on all fours, Mariachi starts riding James E. like a horse, slapping Corny's BUTT as he shouts "Giddy up!" CROWD CABOOSE Those may be the only english words he knows how to say! Having all been embarrassed, the World tag team champions and their manager regroup outside. Cornette does his best to calm his men, while berating the referee for a lack of order. After stalling for as long as they can, Simon slides back inside the ring and tags out. The Handsome Hustler enters and points at Mariachi, the man who got the best of him moments ago, saying he wants him. Moracca cartwheels over to the corner and kisses Mariachi on the cheek, their special way of making a tag. Mariachi slingshots into the ring and blows Ned a kiss, which Blanchard grabs in midair and throws to the ground, drawing heavy boos as he stomps it. COACH Ned calls for a test of strength, but things take a humorous turn when he's struck in the chest by one of the gingerbread men that fell from the rafters. Blanchard singles out the fan, a male in his early 20s wearing one of Los Diablos' "I'm a Homie" t-shirts, who threw the item and gets up in his face. Simon jumps off the apron to prevent Ned from going Ron Artest, playfully pleding with his partner not to hurt the guy. Ned takes Simon's advice and returns to the ring. As he steps through the ropes, he picks up the gingerbread man thrown at him and BITES off its head, SPITING it at Mariachi's feet. That awakens the Diablo inside the flamboyant luchador, as Mariachi levels the smirking blond with an overhand chop! Ned gets on his knees and extends his hand out to Mariachi in a sign of respect. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Despite outcry from the fans, Mariachi accepts the gringo's hand...and pays for it with a thumb to the eye! Ned glances over at Simon, laughing as he shoves Mariachi in the corner and unloads with a series of rights and knife-edge chops. Blanchard whips Mariachi to the far corner and charges in, but Mariachi catches Ned coming in with a headscissors, taking Blanchard around the world and down to the mat. The fans go into a frenzy as Ned gets trapped in Los Diablos' corner, each of whom get their blows in on the brash co-holder of the tag titles before Mariachi sends him crashing into the corner with a dropkick. Moracca tags in and climbs onto the middle turnbuckle, driving his fist into the forehead of his opponent as the crowd counts along in Es Spanol. UNO... DOS... TRES... CUATRO... CINCO... SEIS... SIETE... OCHO... NUEVE... DIEZ! Ned brings Moracca down for what he thinks is an atomic drop, but still reeling from the blows in the corner, he releases too soon and Moracca lands on his feet. Blanchard lunges forward out of desperation, his right arm outstretched, only to have Moracca crawl between his legs and spring off the middle turnbuckle with reverse HURRICARANA! COLE Oh, my! COACH Did you see that?! ONE... TWO... TH-- NO! Mariachi steps back in after Simon makes the save, catching Singleton with a kick to the midsection, then firing him to the corner and taking him over with a monkeyflip. Los Diablos back the Midnights into the corner and shoot them toward each other, only to have Simon reverse Moracca's Irish whip. But it isn't all bad for Moracca, who does the do-si-do with the Handsome Hustler, then shoves him into Simon! With Singleton out of the picture, Los Diablos go to work on Ned, drilling him with forearm smashes before whipping him to the ropes...but Simon pulls Ned out of the ring and the Midnights regroup yet again on the outside while Los Diablos hear it from the fans. CABOOSE The tag team champions are rattled. I don't think they expected Los Diablos to put up this kind of a fight. It's clear to me, a former champion, they came in taking their opponents lightly. COACH You gotta remember, 'Boosey, Simon and Ned haven't wrestled a tag match since Zero Hour. COLE Good thing Cornette was smart enough to make this non-title. His champions are on the verge of being upsetted 3 days before AngleMania V. COACH It's just a little ring rust. That's all. Ring rust. The Midnights get into it with the fans, including the one from earlier until security steps in. Blanchard returns to the ring and calls for the test of strength he never got the first time. Mariachi looks to the crowd because apparently he can't make decisions on his own. He might not know too much english, but he does know no means no in Spanish, as do boos, which he gets from the fans telling him not to go along with Ned's request. He does anyway, but the fans' shrieks cause him to back away at the last second. He bites his fingernails, trembling from not knowing what to do. Ned tries to ruffle his feathers by gesturing he's a chicken. Mariachi still isn't sure whether to accept the challenge, now feeling the pressure as Ned points to his right hand, telling him to lockup. Mariachi licks his fingertips and then caresses his nipples before leaning in, only to have Ned kick him in the midsection...but Mariachi sees it coming and grabs Blanchard's foot! Mariachi repeatedly kicks Ned in the hamstring, following it up with a series of forearm smashes. Ned reverses Mariachi's Irish whip, sending him running into the ropes and the knee of Sarcastic Simon, who drove it into the ribs as Mariachi hit the ropes. Ned laughs as Mariachi doubles over, winded, then jerks his head with a big roundhouse. Blanchard sends Mariachi into the turnbuckle and keeps him trapped in the corner as he... * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOO!" ...unleashes a barrage of knife-edge chops, then stomps a mudhole and walks it dry. He snapmares Mariachi out of the corner and drives the point of the elbow into the sternum. Blanchard puts the boots to the fallen Diablos before scooping him up and slamming him mid-ring. Ned walks over to the corner and tags Simon. COLE Singleton going up to the top with Ned waiting in the wings. This could only mean one thing. COACH Rocket Launch in T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...! But Mariachi gets the KNEES UP, causing Simon to pop right up holding his ribs. Mariachi tags out, and Moracca catches Singleton getting up to his feet with a SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODYBLOCK! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Ned steps in, and gets slammed. As does Simon. Dropkick sends Ned out to the floor. Los Diablos de Fuego tag team Simon, whipping him to the ropes for a back bodydrop. With referee Nick Patrick nearing the alotted 5 count to stay in the ring, Mariachi exits. Moracca shows great agility by leaping to the top rope, but has his legs taken out from under him by a Ned Blanchard chop block, causing him to crotch himself on the turnbuckle. Simon rolls over to his corner and tags out. Ned sprints over and up to the second turnbuckle, where he pumpels Moracca with closed fists to the back of the neck. He hooks Moracca from behind and slams him down to the mat by way of a BACK SUPERPLEX! Blanchard quickly picks Moracca back up and hits the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. He then rushes over to knock Mariachi off the apron. Cornette comes on over and blasts Mariachi with the racket. After a tag is made, Blanchard places Moracca in a bearhug, leaning forward to expose the torso as Singleton comes off the top with a legdrop. VEGOMATIC! ONE... TWO... THREE! * DING DING DING * COLE Wow. And just like that the match is over. CABOOSE Simon and Ned got real serious at the end. They came in underestimating Los Diablos, and when Mariachi and Moracca began posing a threat, they quickly took them out. That's why they are the tag team champions. BUFFER Here are your winners, the World tag team champions... the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS! As Buffer announces the winners, Cornette tosses Mariachi back in the ring, where Simon and Ned give him a double DDT, a clear message to their opponents at AngleMania V, the Heavenly Rockers. They kick Mariachi out of the ring as Michael Cole enters with a mic. COLE In their first match on television in a month and accompanied by Jim Cornette, the World tag team champions with a very impressive win after a shaky start. Fortunately for them, it was non-title. But gentlemen, the titles will be on the line this Sunday night at AngleMania V. And it was last week that Logan Mann raised the stakes when he said the war between the Heavenly Rockers and the New New Midnight Express will end with one team leaving town. CORNETTE The hype surrounding AngleMania surpasses that of every so-called granddaddy of them all. Everywhere I go people ask me about AngleMania, about the Heavenly Rockers... until I remind them it's Heavenly Rocker because there won't be any "Synthmeister" at AngleMania. You see, Simon and Ned have been preparing for this match for weeks. I've had them study the tapes, rewatch their past battles with the Heavenly Rockers while allowing them to go out and have some fun, if you know what I mean. The time for games is over, Mann. Tonight my boys did their part in curbing the flow of illegals in this great country of ours. The hot button issue in the world right now concerns the rule of law, be it labor or immigration. And there's not a question in my mind Alix Spezia is breaking some kind of labor law by having Los Diablos de Fuego play her Kiebler Elfs. And while we're on the subject... Logan Mann, you wanna go around passing laws like this is the wild west? Well, brother, so can my attorneys. Because you see, we accept your Loser Leaves Town stipulation if you accept ours: no holds barred. I talked with General Manager Axel, and he's agreed not to sanction the tag title match at AngleMania. Now what that means is, not only will the loser be disgraced by being forced to leave the number 1 wrestling promotion in the world, but should the participants -- or participant in your case, Logan -- be seriously injured during the bout, the medical costs will not be covered by the participant's OAOAST contract because it will be null and void immediately after the count of 3. COLE Come on, now. Isn't that going a bit too far, an unsanction Loser Leaves Town match? SIMON Logan said it himself, Michael Cole -- it's war, baby. Our objective of breaking Logan's spirit will be accomplished at AngleMania, because we're gonna break his "Spirit" literally and figurarly. COLE Do you laugh at everything you say? SIMON Laughter is the best medicine, and I feel sick from having to look at your face. NED I couldn't help but laugh, Mitchell, when you said it was the first time Holly or Logan really opened up about themselves last week. Mitchell, Holly opened up quite nicely for me a couple of weeks ago. Get it? COLE Yeah, I get it! SIMON Not without slipping something into somebody's drink first. I'm sorry. Continue, Ned. NED So, Mitchell, I'd say that was a misleading headline. But I didn't come out here to argue with you, frankly you aren't worth the breath or the time, I came out here to respond to what that whiner Logan Mann said last week. SIMON His real name should be Logan Womann, because he whines more then any girl I've ever seen. Waaaah you broke my grilfriend's neck, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm again, waaaaaaaaah you kicked my ass for sixtieth time in a year, waaaaaah you stole my “spirit”, waaaaah my singing voice sounds like a small woodland creature died in my throat, waaaaaaah I'm a big loser and I suck and nobody likes me and my music is radio friendly pop-rock crap and my lame band can't even get airplay on XM satellite radio. Psh! Grow a set and man up, you sissy Hendrix knock off. NED Excellently stated, Brother Singleton. Let me tell you something, Logan, you can try to act like a macho man all you want, but the bottom line is, I'll snap you like Randy Savage through a Slim Jim. I've kicked your ass before and I'll damn sure kick it again at AngleMania. But I gotta hand it to ya, punk, you're doing a damn fine job setting up your excuse for failing Sunday night, saying you haven't heard or seen Synth since you threw him under the bus. You hear that, Mann? That's the world's smallest violin playing, jackass. (Simon plays the air violin in the background) Quit cryin' like a baby and just take the ass-kickin' of a lifetime at AngleMania like a man. "YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" NED (laughing) About time people start seein' it our way. The champs hold their belts in the air and pose with their manager as "WILD CHILD" LOGAN MANN emerges from the crowd and storms the ring, blindsiding Ned! Mann unloads on Blanchard, gouging the eyes and biting the Handsome Hustler as Simon and Cornette pull him on their comrade. They hold Logan up as Ned drills him with sharpe right hands to the jaw, rocking Mann's head back. COLE This isn't right. It's 3 on 1, damnit! COACH Logan came through the crowd will bad intentions, now he's the one getting beaten. Poetic justice at its finest. Suddenly, another ROAR goes up in the arena as a man wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses hops over the railing and enters the ring. As chants of "SYNTH" ring throughout the arena, the man gets him some of the Midnights, leveling both of them with haymakers. CABOOSE Is it really Synth? The guy is moving too fast to catch a good look. Around the right size and height, but it's hard to tell. COACH It can't be Synth; he got thrown under the bus! COLE Whoever this person is, he's taking it to the tag team champions. Jim Cornette sneaks up on the person in the ring, the tennis racket cocked. Cornette with a mean forehand, but the person turns around and grabs the racket out of Corny's hands. Simon and Ned hightail it with the belts and guitar. They watch with the rest of us as the person removes his hat and sunglasses to reveal... SYNTH! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE It is him. Synth has returned! Cornette just about pisses him pants. He tries making a quick exit, but the Heavenly Rockers quickly grab ahold of him. Looking at Simon and Ned, Synth and Logan dare them to return to the ring, threatening to take out their frustrations on their manager. The Midnights take a step forward before stepping back, leaving James E. to the mercy of the Heavenly Rockers. * BOOM * Stereo punches knock Corny off his feet. Synth and Logan pick James E. back up and place him in a double front facelock. COACH Oh, no! DOUBLE PERCUSSION (DDT)! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Simon and Ned are fuming from the entranceway, but they remain at a distance as Synth picks up the mic Cole left in the ring. SYNTH For somebody who got whalloped by a bus, the Synthmeister sure lookin' fab-u-lous. Ah know grandma over there in the front row is liking what she seein'. Aintchu, baby? Ah know you wanna check up on ma gangsta lean. Peep this, son. Moi had a couple of weeks to think about what went down, at least I think it was a couple of weeks -- hit the bottle pretty hard, spent some nights in the slammer, but Ah had some time to clear the ol' noggin, work out a few things that had been troubling me. You'd think with a biggie match on the way, there wasn't nothing that could bring moi down. But I could've borrowed a feeling after Ah hear the bus comment. That comment be low, son, and had me feeling down low. The Synthmeister went Howard Hughes on everyone's ass. That shit cut into the man on the deep. Ah was conflicted, couldn't tell what was what or who was who. I ain't trying to drop the hardcore drama on ya'll, but Ah really began to wonder if everything Ah had been doing was just a waste of time. Were dem fans worth it? Were dem platinum albums worth it? Were my platinum grillz worth it? Were anything worth it, if it all be a lie? Ah didn't know, bro. Ah didn't know. Then the caption bubble popped over the brain, saying why the hell would Ah listen to what Ned said? I mean, Ned is a lying asshole! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH What? He can't say that. SYNTH Yep! My main Mann n his main squeeze would slice and dice they first born up into bits befo' they ever, ever thought about throwin' they boi, moi, under a Greyhound. Mommy and Daddy would, but they gone. They gone up to Canada because they is pretty hardcore liberals. They don't like moi, the Prez and the red states or meat. Logan and Holly, they's the only family the Synthmeister got left. We ride together, we party together, we rock together, and we gonna die together. And this Heavenly Rocker made a pact with the man, Logan Mann. The sensation from the Sin City nation promised we's bring the belts home to Holly-Wood. A promise from the Synth-a-nator is like 24 Karats, you can take that hot shit to da bank. Word is bond, and bond is word, so keep yo head up and protect yo pencil necks, geeks. Cuz we's coming wit' that hot fire, and we won't stop till ya'll retire! We's gonna show you how we kick it in the S.C. And it ain't no fad like the O.C. ZING~! So bitches beware, unlike Simon and Ned, the Heavenly Rockers will be back in town next week! Synth and Logan share some manly man love as we go to pay the bills. (GO TO BREAK) This ANGLEMANIA MOMENT is brought to you by Elegance a fragrance by Krista Isadora Duncan. AngleMania II: Zack Malibu vs. Anglesault for the World Title RIGHT NOW! C’mon, it’s everything RIGHT NOW, Catch a magic moment, do it Right here and now It means everything AngleMania V THIS Sunday LIVE! On Pay Per View Free Krista bobblehead doll with order

That is a depressing series of events. But hopefully things will brighten up in the future! Good luck with everything,dude.

I am a selfish and horrible human being, thus I say put it on HD, because I don't know if there will be enough non wrestling segments and I need some talking to stick between the action. I'm a bad person. Hate me.

Yeah, ya'll can send everything to your old pal Patty!

had to test something

“Oh poopie” is my line, Matthews. Time to recognize it. I doubt that's the last time Alf and Reject will ever meet in a singles bout. So that match was a nice teaser of what's to come. Alf and KingPK did a decent job of tying the TK/Reject feud into their world title battle. Now the feedback/observations is going to be stupid outta order. Dig it hard. The Cowell movement? That name's big pimpin on b-l-a-d's. Actually all the D*Lux names are pretty gnarly despite what that Debbie Downer Caboose may spit. Yay KC! When I asked if he could do a promo announcing the COD/CW&Bo AM match, I was just expecting a little one paragraph Wright segment where CW states the match had been made. But KC blew me away and I didn't even have to blow him for the service. You wrote Krista perfectly, which kinda shocked me because you once told me she was harder to write. The Kimmy Simpkins story had me acting a fool. Hilarious. This color kid really enjoyed the interplay between Coach, O'Hara, Bo and Wright. The Upstarts don't really do much interacting with each other, they're just sort of segmented off into pairs (Axel/PK, GPX, Wright/Bo) so it was refreshing to have them work together a bit more. I had totally forgotten I created a character named Melody Nerdly until that segment reminded me. I read that skit and I was like “Who the fuck is this Melody chick?” then I remembered. She might never have appeared again if wasn't for KC. Anyway ab-fab segment, 90000000 times better then anything I could've done. Pretty solid GPX promo. They're such a tight unit that, despite their remarks, I wonder how they'll actually handle having to thwack each other with ladders. Could this AM match be the beginning of the end of GPX? Who knows? The shadow knows... EWC writes an underrated promo. He's been able to create unique personalities for about a dozen or so characters, which speaks to his ability to generate different traits and nuances. What was that “image hosted by tripod” picture supposed to be? Don't leave me in suspense you homophobic redneck cocksuckers. I'll kill all your families. I really did enjoy the Drek promo. I liked how he expressed disdain for the accolades Black T has received for their role in the OAOAST, while he himself has been snubbed and almost written out of history. As for the whole quasi-shoot deal about Zack, it was incredibly well written as all things NYU are, but I was kinda hoping those two would somehow be able to communicate their issues with the other in private and works things out. But that's obviously never gonna happen. So now that NYU/Drek has finally been given an opportunity to speak his peace they'll hopefully either patch things up and have cybersex or they'll just act like the other doesn't exist. If you do have cybersex, be sure to send me a transcript, pimpin'! Tony already knows what I thought about the Lolly (his tooooo cute nickname for Logan and Holly) promo. He didn't really like it, but I loved it. L-o L-o, L-o,L-o-v-e! I'm talking about love! And who's this Patrick O'Green fellow that was referenced? He sounds like one sexy little bitch!

The show is from the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia!

I have to pack for a trip and watch the final season of Newlyweds on DVD so you get super-duper abbreviated feedback. It's neat to see that sj and prl can transcend the boundaries and limitations of the face/ heel dynamic to remain friends. I'm sure our PPV coordinator will make himself felt in the AM mainevent but I wonder if he'll appear in any other matches. That was the quickest squash I've ever read! TK is an animal, mang, although Reject doesn't seem to think so being so eager to sign that contract. Jade's segments with Leon were just too cute! She's so adorable. I love the way she has these silly and naive answers to most obvious of questions. Yay for Krista having dope pop industry and managerial wrestling business skills. Hey, Jade and D*LUX could be like a Disney Channel version of The Heavenly Rockers! Great NNMX promo from Mr.149. What's this about a handicap match?! Poor Synth! At least he's not a bass player, they're always neglected and tossed aside. Liked Ned's goofiness with the wheelchair and it's great that Simon's talking now. But did you have to pick that AM moment, Tony? I can't believe I wrote that. It's so awful. Liked the ending of the ME, as it really creates more of a heat PK/Alfdogg. The match was solid as well. Two for the money? That should be a pretty exciting affair. At the very least it has a catchy name.

Fuck man, the people need they answers! EDIT: Isn't NYU's plan to stick around after AM? EDIT: the above sentence made no sense!