Patty O'Green

Come on, people? Booing thread? These are the jokes, guys.

Well, the show is finally up. Hopefully more things come in soon.

Landon vs biff

Backstage we find a hurried and distressed Morgan Nerdly bursting through the doors to the parking lot. Standing outside next to the door is her elder brother MARV, taking a smoke break. MARV What up, Morgan? Startled Morgan pulls out her pepper spray and sprays MARV in the face! MARV Ah! Ah! Ah! Why? God damn it, why?! MORGAN Oh no. MARV Shit! Damn it! Ahhhhh! Just some warning! Just some fucking warning! That’s all I want! Some fucking warning! MORGAN I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was you. MARV It hurts so much, but tastes most excellent! MORGAN Its sugar mint breath spray. I ran out of mace last week in the mall when these high schoolers tried to gang up on my in the parking garage. MARV At least you didn’t taze me, kid sister. Um, that “Destory Morgan” crap that keeps running, yo, who do you think is behind it? Got any leads? MORGAN I dunno, when you shock half the staff, you don’t make many friends. MARV I don’t think its someone within. That doesn’t fit anybody’s M.O. MORGAN I just wanna be left alone. Its always the same thing. Let’s hurt Morgan, let’s gang up on her cause she’s weak, lets see how far we can push her until she breaks. We’ll ruin her life, won’t that be fun. I just want to find a place where I can be alone, and no one can bother me! I’m sorry I ever joined this stupid company, but I’m here now, and I’m the champion and Leon says- MARV Don’t listen to that tool! MORGAN Don’t call him that! He’s done more for me than anyone in this rotten family! He says there’s a bullseye on my back and all I can do is keep running, because no one will help me, and if I stop running I’ll just get shot. I…I…I…maybe it would be easier to just let them take me down. I’m tired of running. I don’t want to do it anymore. I…I…can’t run any farther. I’m sick of trying. I’m done. Someone wants to destroy me? Morgan goes to the center of the parking lot and holds her hands out to her sides as she stares to the sky. MORGAN (yelling into the night) Here I am! Come get and me! What are you waiting for? Destroy me! Destroy me! Don’t make me wait! Just strike me down! Destroy, Morgan Nerdly! Do it! Do it while there's still something left to destroy! As a crowd gathers to watch Morgan scream into the night, we fade to commercial... COMMERCIAL

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We come to the OAOAST Arena We cut to Sofa Central which is decorated with Anglemania paraphernalia such as banners, life size stand ups of Reject and Mister Dick, and of course bobble heads of OAOAST legends. Sitting in the comfy leather sofa, wearing Anglemania baseball jerseys, are Michael Cole and Da Coach! COLE The road to Anglemania is ON FIRE as the King of The Ring qualifying matches continue with some of the OAOAST's biggest names! TONIGHT KING OF THE RING QUALIFIERS LANDON MADDIX Vs BIFF ATLAS THE UNDEFEATED CHRISTIAN WRIGHT Vs JUMBO TONIGHT! COACH That ain't all that's goin' down tonight. We got an interview with Anderson Cup finalists Chicks Over Dicks and Lethal Rumble winner Mister Dick will test himself against Ned Blanchard. COLE But first we start with Tha Puerto Rican! PRL promo

Coming back from break “Slither” by Velvet Revolver rocks into the arena, bringing forth a large from the sold out audience. Appearing from behind the entrance doors is Ned Blanchard, wearing light silver trunks with a giant red star on the back and red stars on the front. At his side stands film buff extraordinaire Molly Nerdly, wearing a green polo shirt and khaki pants. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televisied time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Orange County, California, he is accompanied by Molly Nerdly, he weighes 235 pounds he is THE HANDSOME HUSTLER….NED BLAAAAANCHAAAAAAAAAARD! Ned climbs onto the ring apron and holds his arms into the air as the crowd mimics the gesture. Molly stands on the ring mats, at his side, pointing happily to their man. COLE Ned Blanchard set to take on the man who eliminated him from The Lethal Rumble, the eventual Rumble winner Mister Dick. COACH Ned's barking up the wrong tree tonight. Mister Dick is running hot after tearing through twenty nine other guys to do the impossible! Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer It’s a golden shower of Mister Dick power, as the golden pyro cascades from the ceiling, raining down onto the entrance stage. Through this thick downfall steps the impressive physique of Mister Dick, clad in white leather chaps and matching trunks with red lips on the front. At side stands the imposing figure of Malaysia, her muscular body held inside a black corset and black bikini briefs. She massages the heavily oiled physique of her lethal rumble-winning lover, before the two make their way down the entrance ramp. BUFFER And his opponent….from San Antonio, Texas, he is the 2010 Lethal Rumble winner, being accompanied by Malaysia Nerdly he represents the Deadly Alliance he is THE HUMAN HARD ON…..MISTER DIIICCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! Mister Dick dives into the ring, humping the mat and making kissy faces at Molly. Rather repulsed by the gesture Molly waves him off and begs for a pardon. COLE We have a very interesting matchup here, a first time singles meeting between these two performers. Both very arrogant, and both very into their looks and physique. But both men also very competitive and very talented. DING DING DING Mister Dick gets the match off to a dirty start by clubbing down Ned with powerful forearms. As Blanchard lies prone on the canvas, MD takes full advantage of his weakness with stomps from his white cowboy boots. “Come on, boy, you ain’t beatin me!” Mister Dick shouts at Ned. COLE Mister Dick again being exactly that with a cheap shot on his opponent. COACH Ned is veteran, Mikey, he’s gotta be more aware of what goes in the ring. Mister Dick grabs hold of Ned’s blond hair and rips him off the canvas. He then throws him forward into the corner, smashing his head against the ring posts. Ned winces in pain, and is anguish only grows worse with kicks to the midsection from MD. The Human Hard On quickly grows tired of stomps and instead throws powerful blows into Ned’s handsome face. The attacks sink the Cobra to the ground allowing for MD to press his glittery boots into Ned’s neck. Neither the crowd nor the referee will stand for this, and the official quickly forces MD away. Displeased with the interruption of his attack, MD grabs his crotch and spits at the official. COLE Mister Dick makes no apologies about whom he is. He doesn’t try to excuse or cover up his behavior; he’s just his own man. “Break him down, baby! I wanna see him cry! I wanna hear him beg for mercy!” Malaysia shrieks on the outside. Adhering to Malaysia’s request Mister Dick returns to the corner and plants a boot directly into Ned’s chest. Pleased with himself, Mister Dick turns to Molly and gives her a salacious hip swivel! “I suddenly feel a desperate urge to projectile vomit.” Molly complains. Mister Dick’s preoccupation with the cute art-chick costs him dearly as Blanchard smashes his back with a dropkick. Mister Dick stumbles towards the ropes, which spew him back to Ned. The Handsome Hustler springs forward and connects with a lariat. While MD still tries to recover from the harsh thrashing, Blanchard rips him off the canvas. He hooks him into a front facelock, and quickly throws him backwards with a snap suplex. Blanchard then floats over for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick makes the kickout, which does little to please the capacity crowd. Rolling to his feet, The Human Hard On is met with a barrage of chops from the Cobra. These attacks stun MD and give Blanchard the chance to hook onto his arm. From there he throws both himself and Mister Dick backwards with a side Russian leg sweep. Blanchard floats over for another cover…. ONE! TWO! Again, Mister Dick makes the kickout. Molly stirs up a “let’s go Ned” chant which gives Ned the motivation needed to head towards his feet and continue the assault on MD. The Cocky Prick is slung into the ropes nearest Malaysia. This proves to have been a bad idea for Ned as Malaysia grabs onto MD’s leg and prevents him from returning to Blanchard. The Handsome Hustler curses Malaysia’s interference and power walks to MD. But The Human Hard On meets Ned’s arrival with an eye rake that cripples the Orange County native! “BOOOOOOOOO!” the fans spew their hatred as Mister Dick flexes his heavenly muscles. “Jock, do you have any idea how much his contacts cost?! We are in a recession!” Molly shouts, trying to appeal to MD’s frugality. Unconcerned with Ned’s plight, MD grabs onto his trunks and pulls him onto his feet. He batters him with several punches to the gut, weakening Ned and enabling MD to take him into a standing fireman’s carry position. Malaysia excitedly readies herself for the destruction to come. However, Blanchard disappoints her by sliding out the hold. Giving MD no chance to recover, he grabs onto the Human Hard On’s leg and rolls him for a pinfall! ONE! TWO! Mister Dick makes the kickout! He comes back to his feet on his own volition but finds himself under attack by a series of knife edge chops. The attacks back him into the corner, where the Cobra slugs him in the jaw with wild punches. But the attacks only effect MD for so long before he turns the table on Blanchard and throws him into the corner. MD overpowers with hard angry blows that beat Ned down to the ground and cause blood to seep from his nose. The referee manages to separate MD from his helpless victim only for so long as MD returns to choke at Blanchard. COLE There’s a certain mean streak in Mister Dick, a tenacity to go along with his arrogance and narcissism. COACH If you want to advance to the next level, you gotta be able to play a little dirty. Ask Reject, or Alfdogg or Leon Rodez. Rodez didn’t play dirty when he was world champion and look where he is now! Finally the official intervenes and pulls Mister Dick away from his weakened rival. While MD and the referee exchange words, Molly checks on Ned, comforting him in his poor state. But Molly hasn’t much time to encourage Ned, as MD yanks him out of the corner. Moments later he throws him through the ropes! Ned slams into the hard outside mats, landing right next to Malaysia. “Heheheh, a pleasure to see you.” Malaysia giggles to herself. The pleasure is all her’s of course as she plants her platform boots into his skull. Molly is beside herself, “Referee, only a blind spider monkey could miss such a foul play!” Not wishing to risk her man’s disqualification, Malaysia begrudgingly chucks Blanchard back into the squared circle. MD saunters over to him, taunting him with cruel words. He begins pulling Blanchard to his feet, but the Handsome Hustler begins fighting back with shots to MD’s ripped midsection. However, MD puts down the rebellion with a kick to his opponent’s head. Bringing Ned to his feet, MD deposits him into the corner. He beats on him with right crosses, until he decides to whip him into the ropes. When Blanchard returns MD flings a discus punch. But Blanchard ducks bellow it and comes to a stop behind MD. The second The Human Hard On turns around he’s blasted with a right jab. And another! And another! And finally Mister Dick is floored by a dropkick! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans celebrate as Ned mocks Mister Dick wit a crotch chop of his own. COACH What a lack of class! COLE Please, you’re one to talk! With Molly encouraging him, Blanchard makes a crucial pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! The Lethal Rumble winner kicksout! “BOOOOOOOO!” Blanchard signals for his famous slingshot suplex, changing the boos to cheers. However the good feelings are only temporary as ThunderKid sneaks out the crowd and appears on the ring apron. This doesn’t do much to please Ned, who moves to confront the former Heartland champion. As the two men engage in a heated argument, Mister Dick begins measuring Ned for a lethal attack. Once he’s narrowed his target he surges forward with the Stiff Kick! But Blanchard dives out the way and TK is nailed in the face by the powerful move. The Green Bay native flies off the apron and smashes into the guard rail, causing him incredible amounts of anguish. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick doesn’t seem overly concerned with his running mate’s plight and instead captures Ned onto his shoulders. COLE Cock Block coming up? But Mister Dick’s curiosity is piqued by Molly stepping onto the apron. The NYU student fires off a sly smile that only further grabs MD’s interest. His hunger for what Molly offers grows insatiable, and he releases Blanchard. Molly fills his appetite and then some by ripping away her shirt and revealing her mouthwatering bra encased breasts. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” Amidst all this, Blanchard rolls MD up for a pin! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Mister Dick quickly pops out the pinfall. Unfortunately for him as he stands up, Blanchard traps him inside a front facelock. But Mister Dick strikes him with a low blow and rolls him up for a pinfall! ONE! TWO! THREE! Womanizer comes to life as the audience expresses their displeasure with the outcome. BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall….MISTER DICK! COLE Mister Dick getting on a roll as we head to Anglemania! And he beat one tough competitor to get there. Rather than check on TK’s wounded condition, Mister Dick celebrates by going to the second and taunting the sold out audience. Malaysia stays behind him, massaging his deeply muscled rear end and smiling at the gathered carnage. COACH Shouldn’t he be checking on ThunderKid? COLE I guess according to Mister Dick’s laws you must live with your own mistakes. COACH Yeah, well, Reject's gonna have to have a talk with Jock, because that ain't playin' team ball. You play for the front of the jersey not the back. COLE He's not wearing a jersey. COACH Burn in hell, bitch.

We return back to ringside where “Living in America“ by James Brown cues and the All-American Boys proudly wave Old Glory down the aisle. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Hearts of the American people, they fight for truth, justice and the American way… FREEDOM and LIBERTY… THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The guys lead a chant of “USA“ as their music fades out in favor of “The World is Mine” by David Guetta. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by the CEO of THE ENTERPRISE, THEODORE MONEYMAKER… at a total combine weight of 420 pounds, THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker points his junior partners down the green and gold lit stage and shouts “ATTACK!” * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds as the LDCMG ambush the flag waving All-American Boys. CMJ drops Liberty on his head with an IRISH SUPLEX, while Reiger whips Freedom into the corner and takes him down with a RUNNING INVERTED BULLDOG! COACH New York Knockout! Moneymaker gives the signal and the LDCMG deliver THE SPIKE REIGER COUNTER! COLE And that’s gonna do it. COACH Teddy’s got these guys focused like never before. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winners of the match… THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Moneymaker grabs the mic and enters the ring. MONEYMAKER MARV and MEL, if you’re not already more baked than a bag of potato chips I hope you’re paying real close attention, boys. What you just witness was the public execution of two things that mean a lot to me -- liberty and freedom. No, not because I turned into a democrat, but rather thanks to you. Thanks to you embarrassing us across the county and around the world on OAOAST Syndicated. And as everybody knows, nobody embarrasses Theodore Moneymaker or his Enterprise and gets way with it. REIGER You got that right, boss. The Christ Air Express sucker punched us. I mean, they’d still be in the hospital had it been a fair fight. But we’re not gonna cry over spilled milk. Instead we plan on embarrassing them in their own hometown at the Nerdly Spectacular. Hell, we’ll even put the titles on the line. MONEYMAKER “Money Talks” by AC/DC cues as Moneymaker and the LDCMG exit. COLE A challenge has been issued to the Christ Air Express for the Nerdly Spectacular and you know they’ll jump at the chance to face the tag team champions in their hometown. COACH Some things money can’t buy, Cole -- confidence. The LDC Moneygang clearly have it. COLE Folks, money also can't buy The Nerdly Spectacular. Because its free on TSM and The Pit, and catch the encore on The OAOAST Network! We'll see the epic contract signing of Mister Dick against Reject for Anglemania, the Anderson Cup finals, and so much more! Don't miss it! NERDLY SPECTACULAR Younger Sexier Nerdlier February 25th, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada COMMERCIAL

The interview lounge is once again our setting as Terry stands with Alix Maria Spezia, and a very happy Krista Isadora Duncan. Why is she so happy? Because drinks are on the house in the interview lounge! TERRY Hello, OAOAST Marks! Its Terry Taylor standing backstage with one half of the Anderson Cup finalist, Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, you’re gunning for your first ever Anderson Cup. What makes you think you’ll be able to beat former Anderson Cup winners The Heavenly Rockers? KRISTA Terry, my dear sweet bundle of love, there’s something about us Jews that makes us special. ALIX Your impossibly big noses? KRISTA Yeah, I guess there’s that. ALIX You make overbearing, hard to please, and generally a major nuisance mothers? KRISTA Yeah, that to. ALIX Your men all have goofy white-man afros? KRISTA Yeah, some of them do. ALIX You’re cheap? KRISTA I guess that’s another one. ALIX You really like- KRISTA Okay, Himler, I think we got it, now back to the third reich you go! Terry, we Jews are greedy. And this little slice of Scandinavian Jewish heaven is so greedy I could make Scrooge McDuck look like philanthropist of the year. ALIX Race, cars, lasers, airplanes, its on Ducktales! Might solve a mystery or rewrite history! Ducktales! KRISTA I just want every single little piece of magic and wonder the world has got! I wanted a Lamborghini, I cried until dad got me one. I wanted a luxury yacht, I got it. ALIX You wanted Theodore Moneymaker’s imminent death. KRISTA As soon as the check for the Hit-man clears. I wanted a hot Latina Girlfriend? I got a nightmarish hell that I must endure for the rest of my cursed and doomed existence. I wanted to grab Beyonce’s ass, and I did it on New Years, and if Jay-Z has a problem with I’ll knock his camel-looking ass out of hip-hop straight into Bal-Musete. It’s a a style of French music and dance which arose in 1880s Paris especially the 5th, 11th, and 12th districts. ALIX The Hebrew Hammer stay droppin’ knowledge on these thirsty ass niggas, to raw to real, shit that keep your third eye potent. KRISTA And now, I’m kinda hungry for a little Anderson. And I’m not talking about Megan Anderson, the junior I went down on behind the bleachers after a soccer game sophmore year. I’m simply talking about the Anderson Cup. Terry, you know my house- TERRY How could I not, my cage is in the basement. ALIX Ooooh crap! I forgot to tell Rosa to change your paper and refill your water dish. KRISTA Well, Terry if you weren’t caged up or only brought out to perform sea-lion like tricks at parties, you’d know that my house is a gorgeous treasure trove of trophies. You have my walk of fame plaque, Alix’s all American awards from soccer at UCLA, Maya’s student athlete of the year awards from middle school, and Jade’s umm….well we had to make up a few awards like "Toothbrusher of the year" "Spic and span award for cleanest nightstand" for her because she’s not all that great at things. JADE (OS) Thanks mom! Really appreciate that! KRISTA I know you do, honey, and that’s what makes it wonderful. But as I was saying the Anderson Cup would make a great addition to the trophy case right next to my Hooters rack of the year award, and Alix’s GLAAD easiest lesbian to get out her clothes. ALIX If I don't go down on you within 30 seconds of the date, your pizza is free! KRISTA And furthermore we are four time tag team champions of the whole wide disgusting, cruel, miserable blue and green rock we live in. But we have never, ever in our lives had the honor of hositing up the trophy named after an old guy I’ve never heard of. As teams like The Moneygang, Team Heyross, and The Last Kings of Scotland get better by the day, its important to remind people that Alix and I have the cutest asses in the company, and that we are the best tag team the OAOAST has ever seen. As said by none other than Tony Brannigan. ALIX You slipped him a date rape drug and held a knife to his throat! KRISTA So what he still said it. But there’s just one problem with my and my equally well endowed girlfriend taking home the Anderson Cup. ALIX Did someone pee in it? Because my dad once peed in the Holy water at church, and holy crap, you’d think someone just called the Virgin Mary a dumpster slut. KRISTA No, no one peed in it. Although now that you mention it, it does have a weird kind of smell. No our problem, our annoyingly annoying obstacles are The Heavenly Rockers. TERRY Who’s spiritual counselor you had a run in with earlier today. ALIX I dunno what that dude's problemo is! You wouldn’t guess how much free crap we get from the blue ball special. Crushing pain in your testicles is kinda forgotten about when the hottest chick on the walk of fame is the one doing it. KRISTA Like Michael J Foxx The Rockers need to come back to future because they’re living in the past. They’re holding onto one teensy tiny sliver of hope based on the fact that they eliminated me from a battle royal two years ago and won the tag titles. Whoop dee doo ladeey da supercalafragilisticexpioladocius the thought of them winning the Anderson Cup is really quite atrocious! JADE (OS) Mom, look out! Jade’s proclamation comes too late as Colonel Abdullah and Logan and Synth pounce upon Chicks Over Dicks! Holly is eager to join in on the beating, but finds herself tackled to the ground by Jade! The numbers and strength advantage quickly pays dividends for THR as they’re easily able to overwhelm COD. Alix and Krista are pummeled with stomps and punches, until several wrestlers such as the Orange County Cobras, J-MAX, and Mariachi join with backstage officails to ward the troublemaking rockstars off. LOGAN This isn’t over! All HeldDOWN, every HeldDOWN, you’re going be our hoes straight up to Nerdly Spectacular! Logan tosses “Fit With Kid” for the Wii at Krista. SYNTH Here’s ya stupid game back! I didn't lose any weight off my hips! You think I like lookin' like a waddling platapyus? Make a better game! The Rockers storm off with Synth still grumbling about the ineffectivness of the fitness game.

We switch from ringside to the locker room area where Josh Matthews stands with Lindsay Gonzalez and her two intimidating clients. JOSH I’m backstage in the CAN-AM Assassins locker room with Lindsay Gonzalez and of course Felix Strutter and Ken Pantera. Lindsay, most people seem to think you’re behind the “Destroy Morgan” Messages. Any truth to that? LINDSAY One thing I don’t need in life is help. I don’t stand around with my hand out, begging for someone to lend me some assistance. I’m not the kind of girl that can’t get by without someone holding her hand through every aspect of life. I am an independent woman. I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t, do you know what that means? It means I get things done on my own. Isn’t that right, boys? Felix and Ken nod. LINDSAY That why I don’t need to play video tricks,or harass the production crew into sending out threats to Morgan Nerdly. I don’t need anyone to make my point for me, or perform my actions on my behalf. I can do bad all by myself, and I will do bad all by myself. Who’s ever responsible for the “Destroy Morgan” messages, I’ll show you love for going after what you want. But what you want is what I want, and we both can’t want the same thing. Why? Because you’ll never get it. I always get mine, money, boys, clothes and toys, everything eventually becomes mine. Right boys? Felix and Ken nod once again. LINDSAY Someone wants to destroy Morgan? Then I would tell them to get to the back of the line, because Morgan is all mine. And so is the women’s title. And I hope whoever is behind the Destroy Morgan messages is aware of that, otherwise (Lindsay points to Felix and Ken) they’re in deep trouble. JOSH Thank you very much for your time. OAOAST Marks, don't miss out on the Nerdly Spectacular where Lindsay will team with Lorelei DeCenzo, Queen Esther, and Holly to face a Nerdly all star team of Morgan, Maggie, Melody and Molly in an evening gown pillow fight. Only on TSM and The Pit! COMMERCIAL

MIND BODY SOUL DESTROYED DESTROY MORGAN NERDLY MIND BODY SOUL COLE There's that message again! Is someone targeting Morgan? COACH No, they want to invite her over for tea and crumpets. Of course someone is targeting her, dumbass, it says "Destroy Morgan"!

COLE Ladies and gentlemen, earlier today an incident took place between Chicks Over Dicks and the manager of their Anderson Cup Finals opponents, Abdullah Nerdly, when the Colonel interrupted a demonstration of Krista’s “Fit with Kid” videogame for the Wii system. Footage courtesy: Molly Nerdly KRISTA And so you see not only is this exercise great for the calves, it also helps sculpt the interior postoid, which is a muscle group I just made up to see if you're paying attention to anything besides my ass. Lost in a trance, Alix stares lustfully at Krista’s BUTT as the fitness guru showcases an array of moves on her Wii fit board. MOLLY (O.S) Oh no. Why oh why must this happen? KRISTA To everyone’s surprise, COLONEL ABDULLAH NERDLY walks onto the set wearing his custom Arabic headdress cowboy hat. ALIX Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Wilmer Valderrama! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! KRISTA You must forgive, Alix. She thought my mother was Barbara Streisand the first time they met. ALIX At least I didn’t wet my pants this time. The doctor told me I might have an enlarged prostate until he found out I was a chick. ABDULLAH In the words of the great American philosopher Chad Ochocinco, “Child, please.” I am not some B-list celebrity, but rather one of the most renowned spiritual leaders and promoter of the only rock ‘n’ wrestling band that matters, Colonel Abdullah Nerdly. And I’m here on behalf of the 2010 Anderson Cup winners… the Heavenly Rockers! ALIX Wait a sec, dude. First, the Anderson Cup Finals haven’t happened yet. Secondly, me and Krista are gonna win it. And third worldly, I’m starting to believe you are who you say you are -- and it’s certainly not a superstar like Wilmer Valderrama because unlike you he’s a ginormous COD fan. ABDULLAH Finally your pea sized brain gets it. As I said, I’m here on behalf of the Heavenly Rockers to issue you and Krista a warning. Synth and Logan are on a mission to regain what they last held 2 years ago, the One & Only World tag team championship. In fact, the last time they won the titles it was at COD’s expense. KRISTA Yawn. Ancient history. Our president was still white, I still hated Ned, Maya was only 5 and I had one less daughter. * cheers and applause * ABDULLAH Listen, Rosie… KRISTA ALIX Oh, no, you didn’t. Oh, no! KRISTA In the interest of improving Jew/Muslim relations I'm gonna give you one more chance to not get scorched off this earth. What did you call me? ABDULLAH Rosie! ALIX Peace talks have broken down! Israeli forces launch their deadliest attack on record! Krista places the Colonel in a TESTICULAR CLAW~! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" ABDULLAH KRISTA No, you listen, Fez. I want you to take this message back to your boys. *squeezes tighter * Heaven doesn’t want us and hell’s afraid we’d take over. You got it? ALIX And we’re outta time! Until next week, bye! COD wave to the camera as Krista maintains the claw on Abdullah. LATER TONIGHT LETHAL REVENGE MISTER DICK Vs NED BLANCHARD TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Before the first match, the situation regarding last week's King Of The Ring Qualifying Match between Tyler Bryant and Thunderkid was cleared up. A replay of the beating Tyler took from Bohemoth and Tommy G was followed by exclusive footage during the resulting commercial break, which saw Thunderkid's hand raised in victory due to forfeit. This meant that Thunderkid and Tim Cash were the first two men to have advanced to the tournament itself on February 25th. The Love Doctors were interviewed by Tony Brannigan about walking out on their partner Mariachi in last week's six man tag match. The duo said they had every right to walk out due to the danger Quiz posed. They said they couldn't afford to have the fine facial features mangled by the big man as that's how they make part of their income. They did however say they'd treat Mariachi to discounted medical care after Quiz destroyed him in the upcoming contest. ***Quiz W/Abdullah Abir Nerdly Vs Mariachi*** Mariachi showed little fear of Quiz, going right after him in hope of avenging his partner’s destruction. The fiery Mexican unleashed wicked blows against Quiz that actually caused the big man to retreat to the outside. However once he came back inside the big man began to assert his dominance over the luchadore. Mariachi tried his high flying tricks on Quiz, but found that they couldn’t deck the muscle man. The Canadian then took full advantage of his size and strength and pummeled Mariachi. The luchaodre had a brief and spirted comeback, but was finally put down by the Pop Quiz (running powerbomb) Winner: Quiz, via pinfall The Last Kings of Scotland spoke with Tony Brannigan on their loss to Chicks Over Dicks. Queen Esther couldn’t believe they let her get molested by Krista. When Tony reminded Esther she was enjoying the whole thing, he earned himself quite the slap. The Scotty and Danny Boy earned themselves a pair of slaps for letting Tony insinuate that she was anything but pure as snow. 2010 King Of The Ring Qualifying Match ***James Blonde -VS- Colombian Heat*** The night's first qualifying match pitted one quarter of the 8-Man Tag Team Champions against Colombia's contribution to the OAOAST. Eager to impress after his recent slump in fortunes, Blonde took the fight to Heat early on. But Heat was much more willing to fight when the going was rough than his opponent, who was sent packing pretty quickly. Blonde eventually gained the advantage on Heat after a game of cat and mouse. The Trendsetter focused on Heat's neck, working him over, but found the Colombian full of heart and refusing to go down. A missed middle rope fistdrop allowed Heat back into the match, a house of fire. He cleared the ring of Blonde again but this time caught Blonde by surprise, with a crossbody from the top rope to the arena floor! Back inside Heat got a close nearfall from a Bong Hit, then set up for the Colombian Necktie. Blonde landed on his feet, almost stealing the win with a schoolboy with more than a handful of tights. The end saw Blonde set up for Illegally Blonde, only for Heat to spin out and quickly deliver the Colombian Necktie to score the victory and advance! Winner: Colombian Heat, via pinfall Backstage in the Deadly Alliance lockeroom, Mister Dick, former Texas A&M QB was tossing the football back and forth between Sandman and himself. ThunderKid sat on the sidelines trying to coax and apology out of Mister Dick for eliminating him from the Lethal Rumble. Mister Dick wasn’t having any of this, refusing to believe that ThunderKid wasn’t soon to eliminate him. ThunderKid refuted this claim, but Mister Dick continued to argue for it. The debate got heated enough that Sandman ha try and make peace, but not before Mister Dick chucked the ball at TK’s head! 2010 King Of The Ring Qualifying Match ***Denzel Spencer -VS- J-MAX*** A high-flying encounter was in store between these two men. However, Denzel had enough respect for J-MAX's aerial ability that he tried to keep the match on the ground. J-MAX's speed shone through early on, until Denzel managed to connect with a dropkick to the knee and force J-MAX to the mat. The Heartland Champion worked on the knee, wrestling a smart match. A match which J-MAX had to fight hard to get back into. The first chance he got, J-MAX managed to send Denzel to the floor though, then quickly take him out with a somersault plancha. Hobbled slightly, J-MAX was unable to keep the speed up for long. Denzel caught him up top and somehow only got 2 from a Top Rope Hangman's Neckbreaker which dropped the masked Brit on his head. Not to be dettered, Denzel picked up his own pace. He almost got caught out by J-MAX, who scaled the turnbuckles on the run and looked for a moonsault. But Denzel caught him over his shoulder, turning it into the Carribean Compactor and picking up the win. Winner: Denzel Spencer, via pinfall Which meant half the field for the 2010 King Of The Ring had now been finalised- Tim Cash, Thunderkid, Colombian Heat and Denzel Spencer.

I'd say hold it outside but I bet its probably a little chilly in FLA If anyone with a heel character wants a US title shot do lemme know.

Good show, damn good show.

Ned Blanchard Vs Mister Dick!

Man, you know I don't watch football! Hockey, soccer, basketball. That's it for Patty. Is it Brandy or Brady? I assume its Brady if I made the typo! Hope ya feel better!

Did you see the way I bolded the words "PRL PROMO" boom that's hot KC and I had a debate over Vinny Valentine's inclusion in the KOTR. Maybe if I had let him last to the final four in the rumble, KC would've had no choice but to include V-Squared. Good match though. Good to see the Biff/Vinny feud go on. Hot matchup between old rivals. Liked Team Heyross getting involved towards the end. Both teams looked very strong in this match, it almost made me dying to see another feud between the four. Poor Tyler! I knew something was up when Maya and Jade didn't enter with him. That's a lesson to be learned for all superstars, have a Duncan girl with you and you won't get fucked with. Hopefully this leads to D*LUX Vs TOMMY G AND BIG BO. CAPS LOCK ON! Very interesting segment between Black and Maddix. I like how KC is able to take happenings in the rumble and use them within storylines and angles. That's sharp writing! No Alf, but I assume he's in hiding, unable to stomach the terrible sonning the Saints will inflict on the Colts.

I will write if you will write. Quiz Vs Mariachi

Mother Tell your children not to walk my way Tell your children not to hear my words What they mean What they say Mother Mother Can you keep them in the dark for life Can you hide them from the waiting world Oh mother Father Gonna take your daughter out tonight Gonna show her my world Oh father Not about to see your light And if you wanna find hell with me I can show you what it's like Till you're bleeding The video screens light up with glorious images of Scotland juxtaposed against brutal savagery of The Last Kings Of Scotland’s deviant behavior. Blue lights flicker on and off as the hated Europeans emerge onto the entrance stage. Standing to their front is Queen Esther, who appears almost oblivious to the harassment of the audience. BUFFER The following is an Anderson Cup semi-final match with a time limit of sixty minutes! Introducing first, the #6 team in the tournament, accompanied by QUEEN ESTHER! From Glasgow, Scotland, total combine weight 475 pounds, Europe’s finest athletes… “THE CELTIC THUNDER” DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! Scottish Scott threatens the front row fans with his spiked club. If that weren’t terrifying enough, Danny Boy begins throwing shadow punches at them as well. Throughout this Esther is merrily walking down the ramp, again oblivious to what goes on around her. COLE For the first time ever The Last Kings of Scotland will meet with Chicks Over Dicks. And its all possible thanks to the Anderson Cup. Could one of these two teams be heading to Anglemania with a tag title shot. The brutish thugs enter the ring, ascending to the top rope to be rewarded with jeers and taunts from the audience. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! A red pyro waterfall drips onto an entrance stage illuminated by multicolored titles. Avril Lavigne’s bouncy hit track blazes out the speakers as a beautiful pink pyro fountain mingles with its red counterpart. A gold pyro wall booms to life, taking out the pink and red pyro with its emergence. From parted entrance doors, and through the thin mist step Chicks Over Dicks! The LA girls rep their hometown with Krista wearing a Lakers cheerleading outfit, and Alix wearing the same for the Clippers. Krista twirls Alix around then pulls the mega-babe into her waiting arms. Alix turns over her shoulders and flicks a kiss to the camera, making super imposed red lips pop up on screen. BUFFER And introducing the opponents First she is the reigning United States champion, she is Hollywood Bad Girl….ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAA! And, her tag team partner. She is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! 2009's most searched superstar on Yahoo, 2009's highest trending OAOAST topic on Twitter, 2009's Angle Award winning Wrestler Of The Year, more famous than everyone else put together and multiplied by four! She is a former two-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... ladies and gentlemen, "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Together, they are your #2 seeds in the Anderson Cup, the incomparable... CCHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSS OOOOVVVEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! The girls skip down the glitter soaked entrance ramp arm and arm, far more organized than their previous Anderson Cup entrance! Alix has not the so bright idea of winging her frisbees to the audience, causing half the crowd to converge on each other to battle it out for pink plastic discs. COLE A tall order for The Last Kings Of Scotland, setting their Anderson Cup hopes against the nearly unstoppable juggernaut of Chicks Over Dicks. A first time meeting between the two teams. COACH Mikey, I ain’t worried about The Kings chances. Chicks Over Dicks have never faced a team like this. These dudes is straight out the gutter. Type of dudes who learned wrestling barefoot at midnight on a mattress behind a local pub. These dudes is nothing more than thugs! Chicks Over Dicks ain’t ever seen cats as raw as these two. Krista climbs onto the apron and performs her crowd pleasing upside down hanging trick. Less pleased are The Kings who are given a middle finger by Miss California. Alix is somewhat more peaceful than her girlfriend, preferring to wave to the audience rather than incite the rage of the European brawlers. COLE One of these teams will go on to face The Heavenly Rockers in the Anderson Cup final, live on the Nerdly Spectacular. COLE Scottish Scott wishes to start the contest with a lockup. However, Krista is puzzled by his choice of attire. “Honey, what’s this, what’s going on?” She asks, pointing at his skirt. “It’s a kilt!” He states proudly. “Its not a skirt, it’s a kilt. Its not lipstick its just chapstic, its not a bra, it’s a chest supporting anti gravity device! The sooner your admit you’re a transsexual the sooner the right hermaphrodite will fall into your lap!” Scott smiles and shakes his head “Lassie, ya shouldn’t have said that.” The Brave Heart fires off a spinning lariat at Krista. But Miss California ducks the strike and swings behind Scott. She hammers him in the back of the head, before grabbing hold of his arms and whipping him into the ropes. Scott rumbles back with shoulder lowered, ready to pounce upon her with a shoulder block. But Krista wraps her well insured legs around his neck and rolls him up with a hurricanrana. Referee Charles Robinson counts the pinfall… ONE! Scott kicks out well before the two count. Grunting in frustration, the mowhawked mutant hops to his feet. But standing he finds more ill luck as Krista begins winging knife edge chops into his chest. “WHOOOOOOOO!” And another chop! “WHOOOOOOOO!” Krista looks puzzled but continues to chop Scott. “WHOOOOOOOO!’ “Okay that’s it!” She shouts, “One more whoo out of you people and I’ll chop you back to the dumpsters the OAOAST brass dragged you out of to fill up the stands.” The crowd gets the warning loud and clear and Krista freely chops Scott without any whooing. Several more chops smash across Scott’s chest, before one fan breaks Krista’s no whooing code. “Honey,” She turns to the front row fan. “obviously you would like to give me an excuse to light you on fire, so why don’t you come up here an explain the need for you to whoo when I very clearly and eloquently insulted everyone for doing so.” Embarrassed but a little excited the fan hops over the guardrail and enters the ring. He happily buddies up to Krista, gazing at her with a dumb smirk. But that smirk quickly disappears as Scottish Scott slugs him in the face. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “If my heart hadn’t crumpled into a cold black dust, I might feel slightly responsible for that” Krista bemoans “As it stands right now, I just kind of want a Cheery Coke.” Not getting that delicious beverage Krista is forced to refocus on Scottish Scott. She hammers him with a pair of forearm shots to the chin, before Irish whipping him across the ring. But he returns much quicker than she anticipated and the Scotsman blows through her with a shoulder block. He then beats his chest, which does nothing to endear him to the audience. Ignoring their jeers, he takes to the ropes. But as he returns Krista rolls towards him and he’s forced to leap over her body. Another run of the ropes sees him charge towards with a second shoulder block. But the fitness queen easily leap frogs him. Tiring, Scott makes another charge into the ropes. But as he returns he’s flipped over by a sitout hiptoss by Krista! The fans cheer as SS is thrown into the canvas. However, he’s quickly back to his feet, and seething with rage. But Krista cools him down with a spinning wheel kick right to his jaw! The cheering audience is then given more to celebrate as Krista applies the tag to Alix. “YEAAAAAAAA!” they shout as The Hollywood Bad Girl enters the ring. “DUN-DUN-DUN ALIX!” She sings. Krista looks puzzled, “What was that?” “The Alix song. DUN-DUN-DUN ALIX! I can play it on Kazoo! Wanna see?” “Wanna die?” Her party sufficiently crashed, Alix pulls Scotty to his feet. Together with Krista, she hurls him into the far ropes. As he returns to the sexy duo, the girls leap into the air and nail his face with double dropsaults! “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” KRISTA AND ALIX COACH Why? Why can’t they just be their breasts and their asses. Why must they have mouths, and thoughts, and minds to insult every male in this company? Admist the roaring of the sold out audience, The Girls drop double knees onto the skulls of The Braveheart. Scott is unable to endure such a painful thrashing and rolls to the outside to make a sorely needed recovery. But his hopes of recuperation are dashed when his partner comes crashing into him courtesy of double knee strike by COD! “This won’t do! This just won’t do!” Queen Esther panics on the outside as the fans applaud LKOS’ immense troubles. “We’re here, we’re queers, toss us some light beers!” Alix and Krista sing, and are promptly rewarded with two bottles of Bud Lights. COACH You can’t drink in the middle of the match! Only in the OAOAST! Imagine if Tim Duncan called timeout so he could take a shot of Tequila! Or if Tom Brandy downed the ball because he needed some southern comfort. Scottish Scott returns to the ring, humiliated and enraged. Unfortunately he’s subject to more abuse from COD, as Alix hooks him into an armwrench. “Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.” She orders him as she uses his arm to punch him in the face. Once she grows tired with that old second grade trick, Alix whips her foe into the ropes. Instead of running back to Alix, he rolls to her unfurling to leap at her with a lariat. But Alix grabs onto his arm and strikes him with a Flat Liner! She then dives on top of him for a crucial pinfall… ONE! TWO! Danny comes to break up the pin with a leg drop, but Alix moves and Scottish Scott is struck by the leg drop. Danny is apologetic, but his apologies cost him dearly. Alix grabs onto his mohaw and pitches him over the ropes. COLE A throwback to the Lethal Rumble for Danny Boy! COACH Danny Boy wasn’t in the rumble. COLE Shut up. Scott springs to his feet, and begins pounding on Alix with left hands. Finished with that striking series, he whips her into the far corner. The vile miscreant then zooms in after her, but meets with an elbow to the face for his troubles. The Hollywood Bad Girl then elevates herself onto the second rope. “TOOT TOOT!” she shouts for absolutely no reason at all. More logical is the second rope fame asser she delivers to her opponent. The fans applaud with gusto as Alix makes another pinfall effort… ONE! TWO! Scott kicks out the pinfall. COLE Almost put him away there. How do you think The Last Kings prepared for their first time meeting with Chicks Over Dicks? COACH Ask them, not me. COLE You’re the analyst! COACH I’m just here for the tities. Alix applies the tag to Krista. As the fans welcome her back into the match, Miss California climbs onto the top rope. She wiggles her BUTT to the approval of the crowd, before leaping forward and striking down The Braveheart with a missile dropkick! She then begins to pull Scott to his feet, and attempts an irish whip. However, the mowhawked mutant reverses the hold and sends the superstar of the year into the ropes. The Queen grabs onto her high heels, causing Krista to take notice of the beautiful red head. She starts firing up her gaydar, to see if Queen Esther might perhaps be bi/curious. But before she can get a decent read, Scott lifts her high onto his shoulders. Wasting little time, he whirls in a circle before falling backwards and crunching her body into the canvas. COLE That’s it! That’s his move, the Collie Buckie! Could The Last Kings be heading to the Nerdly Spectacular? As the Queen claps her hands on the outside, Scott makes a crucial pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Alix breaks up the pinfall! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” “Control the bitch, eh.” Scott barks at the referee. Still keeping his gaze on the meddlesome Alix, SS rises to his feet. But his attention should’ve been on Krista, who runs up to the top rope. With great speed she corckscrews back wiping out Scott with a fancy body press! The audience celebrates the athletic display with a bowing Krista. But to their dismay Scottish Scott is quickly back onto his feet. “Wait! I got a phone call!” Krista exclaims as she pulls a cellphone out from her top. “Hello? Uh-huh…yes….yes he is…would you like to speak to him? Okay….I see…I’ll be sure to tell him.” Krista lowers the phone from her ear. “Scott, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your mother is dead.” SCOTT “I’m only kidding! It was a clever ploy to psych you out! Its an ancient psychological tactic, they did it all the time in world war II.” “You are horrible, horrible, old hag.” Scott complains. “Yeah, Krista, that was kinda mean.” Alix chastises her. Saddened that her trick met with so little fanfare, Krista stuffs the phone into her skirt and down her underwear. Feeling slightly sorry, Krista weakly attempts an Irish whip. But Scott reverses it to send her towards Danny Boy. The Celtic Thunder reaches over the ropes and grabs onto Krista’s flowing golden hair. “YEEEEEOWWWWW! That’s five hundred dollars worth of beautiful blond hair you’re tugging on!” She whines. “Krista, we both know, you got those three dollar hair extensions from Ronequia’s Hair and Chicken shack in Long Beach.” Alix reminds her. Origin of her hair not withstanding Krista is rather peeved and takes a wild swing at Danny Boy. Unfortunately she misses as DB leaps off the apron. This distraction gives Scottish Scott a chance to once again take her onto his shoulders and nail her with the Collie Buckie! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” A second pinfall is attempted, and Queen Esther counts along. ONE! TWO! Alix makes the save one more time. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” “I said control that woman!” Scottish Scott gets into the face of Robinson. With the official distracted by the ranting European, the other European enters the ring to lay in stomps to Krista’s sore back. The audience and Alix try to alert the referee but by the time he turns around, Danny Boy has retreated peacefully to his corner. COLE The Last Kings of Scotland have vowed to win this Anderson Cup and with cheap shots like that, they have a better than average chance. Scottish Scott picks Krista off the canvas and hooks his arm around her slender waist. He then heaves her backwards, dropping her onto her back with a lethal suplex. Pleased with that attack, Scott makes the tag with his partner in pain and mayhem. “Splendid, splendid choice of tags!” Queen Esther declares. COLE Who else was he supposed to tag? What choice? COACH Do not question the queen’s compliments. Danny scrapes Krista off the canvas and shoves her into the corner. Scott traps her arms behind her back, allowing Danny to fire off stomps to her nicely toned stomach. Eventually the official warns against the illegal double team, and the two are forced to cease their behavior. This isn’t much of a problem for Danny Boy, as he takes hold of Krista’s arm and guides her to the center of the ring. There he pulls her in close and flattens her with a short arm lariat to her wounded back. Krista cries out in anguish as her opponent makes a pinfall attempt…. ONE! TWO! Krista makes a valiant kickout, thrilling the capacity crowd. Not so happy is Danny Boy who wears on her back with an inverted body lock. The fans and Alix immediately begin rallying behind Krista, trying to make certain that she won’t submit. The superstar of the year hears their cries of support and tries her hardest to fight through the suffering. After several seconds pass, Danny becomes incensed that he can’t earn a submission and finally dismounts Krista. His anger fuels his next move as he brutally drives his boots into her back. He then makes the fatal error of taunting her, which provides her with the motivation she needs to begin flinging punches at him. Annoyed by these strikes, Danny rids himself of her blows by whipping her away. But as she comes back she sunset flips him for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Danny rolls himself out the pin and into the corner to make a tag with The Braveheart. Scott then climbs onto the third rope and beats his chest to many boos from the OAOAST Galaxy. They jeer him even louder and harder as he dismounts the ring posts and strikes Krista with a body splash onto her back! As Krista howls her agony, Scott cinches her into a bodylock of his own. COLE Two Collie Buckies have most likely wreaked havoc on Krista’s back, and this body block is doing her no favors. COACH We’re looking at a royal upset by The Last Kings. The Heavenly Rockers better get set for these brutes. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the fans chant to the superstar of the year. As the audience and Alix lend their support for Krista, Danny Boy screams at them to be quiet. This only makes them grow all the louder, and the resounding support motivates Krista to begin to fight towards her feet. Danny Boy attempts to tighten his grip, desperately seeking some way to maintain his lock on the beautiful blond. Krista does the only thing she can think of, and that’s grab onto his Mohawk and use it to strike him a stunner! Danny remains upright, but blood spills down his nose to the throaty cheers of the OAOAST Galaxy. This enables Krista to clamp down onto his neck and throw him to the canvas with the Blond’s Never Pay a Cover (side effect). “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE These fans are coming unglued and so are the Last Kings’ hopes of advancing to the Anderson Cup final against The Heavenly Rockers! Sensing that momentum is shifting in the wrong direction, Scottish Scott enters the ring. He brushes past the offical, heedless to his warnings, and takes Krista down to the canvas with a third Collie Buckie! The fans and Alix are distraught, while the Queen politely applauds her team. Scott drags his partner onto Krista, leaving the referee with no choice but to score the pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Krista kicksout, and the fans are absolutely ecstatic. On the ring apron Scott bangs his head against the turnbuckle in frustration, beside himself at his poor luck. Letting Scott take care of throwing the tantrum, Danny Boy brings Krista back to her feet. He staggers her with a series of punches to jaw, before ascending to the second rope. DB raises his arms in triumph, an unwelcome gesture to the booing audience. Next he flies forward with arms raised for an axe handle smash. But the fitness queen surprises him by leaping upward and nailing him with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” A pinfall quickly follows…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!!!! But Queen Esther has Danny Boy’s foot on the ropes. COLE Oh that could’ve been it! That could’ve done in The Last Kings Of Scotland! COACH But it didn’t, and Danny Boy and Scottish Scott are looking like the upset is just right around the corner. Despite Coach’s confidence in The Kings, their hopes are quickly fading as Danny is struggling to even move a muscle. To their fortune, Krista herself is having the same frustrating difficulties. COLE I think that KIDology may have taken quite a bit out of Krista. COACH Don’t get my hopes up, Mikey. Don’t do that. She could be surrounded by the 85th Airborne and still come out with barely a scratch on her. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience yells, spurred on by Alix. However there’s little movement from Krista, bringing worried minds to her army of fans. The wondrous cheers from the stands brings Krista to life, renewing her with vigorous energy. The sinister Scotsman paces on the ring apron, praying that Krista power rapidly depletes itself. With new lifeblood, she crawls to the corner where Alix waits impatiently for the tag. But she needn’t wait any long, as Krista triumphantly reaches for her out stretched hand! But suddenly an elbow comes crashing down onto her skull, halting her tracks. The culprit is a grinning Danny Boy, who grabs onto her beautiful legs and drags her back towards the center of the ring. He bounces himself off the ropes, and returns to drive both his knees into the center of her back. Krista yells out, the agony shredding through her body. COLE Things have not gone well at all for Chicks Over Dicks sense the opening moments of this match. COACH Its like I said, Mikey, Chicks Over Dicks are used to dealing with wrestlers, with wrestler mindsets. Scotty and Danny are just straight up hooligans, with hooligan mindsets. Danny Boy reaches for Krista’s halter top and begins dragging her off the canvas. But the fitness queen refuses to fall to the mowhawked brawler and begins firing elbows into his stomach. The blows land with enough force to damage Danny, and allows Krista to capture him into a side headlock. Within seconds she’s whirling him around, giving him a taste of Life In The Fab Lane with a twist of fate. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans call out, as Krista slumps her weary bones against the corner posts. Although hurt by the earlier attack, Danny finds his way to his feet. He charges at Krista but receives only a raised high heel for his troubles. As he staggers backwards, Krista summons her strength and darts to him. Unfortunately for her and her many fans, Danny grabs hold of her and drops her onto his knees for a backbreaker! While Queen Esther cheers on the outside, Danny makes a pinfall attempt… ONE! TWO! Krista manages to kickout! “What demonic spell is this woman under?” Esther worries “Tread carefully, Daniel, she may not be human!” As he complains to Esther about being called “Daniel”, Danny brings Krista to her feet and makes the tag with Scott. The Braveheart climbs onto the top rope, as his partner in brawling holds Krista still. Scott then dismounts the top rope and bashes Krista’s back with an axe handle smash. Adding insult to injury The Braveheart turns to Alix, and spits at her! He chuckles to himself as Alix fumes and threatens revenge. Next he grabs Krista into a front facelock and punishes her back further with a snap suplex. Scott celebrates his continued dominance of Krista by ferociously snarling and beating his chest. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “SCOTLAND RULES ALL!” Scottish Scott drowns out the audience with the mighty roar. “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” Scott continues to mock the audience even as he begins planting stomps into Krista’s back. Krista whimpers in agony, trying her hardest not to let anyone see the incredible pain she’s under. Scott can tell victory is close, and roughly hustles her upright to secure it. He tosses her into the ropes, and follows in after her. But after her rebound she catches him by surprise with a leaping heel kick! COLE Alright! COACH Some objectivity, please. COLE Some shut the hell up, please. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” Despite being on the wrong end of a lethal kick, Scott is the first one back to his feet. He now pulls Krista up after him and again lifts her into his arms. He then swings her sideways, crushing her back against his knee with an urange into a back breaker. The crowd gasps at the devastating move, as Scott pushes her to the ground for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista makes another courageous kickout. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” Scott further humiliates the beloved fan favorite by stepping on her hair and holding her neck up. As he performs this devious tactic he laugh a thunderous laugh that’s shared by Danny Boy. COLE Now this is just wrong! COACH You didn’t have a problem when Krista was grabbing onto their mowhawks. But when its poor Krista or Alix, everyone is up in arms. Scott hauls Krista off the canvas, and delivers to painful forearms to her lower back. While she cringes from the pain, Scott seats her onto his shoulder. The fans cringe as well, knowing full well that the Collie Buckie is forthcoming. COLE Will the fourth time put Krista away? To everyone’s delight and surprise, Krista dives forward to drag Scott into a victory roll! Robinson immediately hits the mat to call the unexpected pinfall… ONE! TWO! Scott pushes Krista off him, but problematically she lands right in the COD corner. The audience erupts with cheers as Alix makes the long awaited tag! Pointing a finger at Scott she screams, “You wanna be big time? You gonna fuckin die big time!” That announcement is met with a running lariat from The Braveheart. But Alix ducks it, and when he turns around Alix peppers him with wild left hands! Once through with those attacks, Alix hurls him into a neutral corner. Scott attempts to make a quick escape but a running knee to the chin nearly KO’s him and he sags against the ring ropes. Alix backs to the center of the squared circle, nodding with a mischievous grin to the approving crowd. She then strides forward and hits Scott with a bronco buster! Alix tantalizes the audience as her furry bikini top struggles hold in her heaving chest, as her breasts bounce up and down as she thrusts herself into Scott. COACH Thank you, god. Thank you. Both pleasured and humiliated at the same time, Scott stumbles away from the corner. Unfortunately he’s caught with a running enziguri that drives him to his knees. This leaves him open for more pain and anguish as Alix strikes his head with a basement enziguri. As the fans cheer, Scottish Scott rolls away, desperate to gain a reprieve from these troubling assaults. Fortunatley for him, Danny Boy attacks Alix, battering her with overhand rights. With Alix weakened, Danny Boy takes a run to the ropes. He returns, only to be struck in the stomach by Alix’s furry boots. Doubled up, Danny falls into a side facelock from the Princess of Los Angeles. The California cutie then flings herself forward, wiping Danny out with a sommersault neckbreaker! COLE Confessions of a Kristaholic! The fans give Alix a resounding ovation as she makes a pinfall effort…. ONE! TWO! But Robinson becomes distracted with Queen Esther who makes a sudden appearance on the ring apron. This highly annoys Alix, and she marches over to Queen Esther to deliver her ireful message. But as she argues with the queen, Scottish Scott makes a mad charge towards Alix. But thanks to the video screens she sees his approach, and quickly slides out the way. The brave Scotsman collides with his queen sending her flying off the apron and right into Krista’s arms. “Oh this is gonna be good.” Krista purrs to Esther. The fitness queen shoves her hand up the queen’s dress. With Krista in control, Esther’s body vibrates with hot sensations. Her hands caress Esther’s womanly area, jolting her with intense pleasure. Krista sweetly kisses the warm flesh of her neck and head. The effect is immediate and Esther's lips moan uncontrollably. COACH Oh baby, don't stop! Don't stop! Not exactly rushing to defend his queen’s honor, Danny Boy stuns a drooling Alix with a rollup! ONE! TWO! Alix manages to push herself out the pinning situation. Problematically, she must deal with Scottish Scott rushing at her with a lariat! But Alix ducks the attack, and kicks her left leg backwards to nail Scott in the jaw with a powerful kick. She then turns her lethal feet onto Danny Boy. But the mowhawked hooligan catches her foot and attempts to trip her up into a Boston Crab. But Alix reaches upwards and hauls him to the canvas for a pinfall attempt…. ONE! TWO! Scottish Scott breaks up the pinfall! “BOOOOOOOO!” He begins pounding at Alix with powerful forearms, that leave the Hollywood Bad Girl whimpering in distress. This perfect for Scott as he lifts her onto his shoulders for her first Collie Buckie. COLE Scott has been going to the well one too many times with that move. Cole’s comment comes to fruition, as Krista sneaks into the ring and nails him with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” With Scott seemingly knocked out by the deadly finisher, Alix dives on top of him for a pinfall…. ONE! TWO! Danny Boy breaks up the pinfall! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH That woulda been it for these two dudes. They gotta be more careful! Enraged with Danny’s interference, Krista rushes at him with a lariat that takes them both over the top rope. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” Scott gets back to his feet, and begins winging wild punches at Alix. Finally one connects and he’s able to trap Alix inside a front facelock. He beats his chest with his free hand, and then hoists Alix into the air. But the plucky babe manages to slide free of his clutches, and lands behind him. She flashes a peace sign to the audience, and then strikes Scott with a lung blower! The attack pops Scott right back up into a KIDology! Alix makes the crucial pinfall, and the audience counts along… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! COLE Yes! DING DING DING Alix rolls off the top of Scott and celebrates the victory with some yodeling. Yes yodeling. BUFFER Your winner, and advancing to the Anderson Cup finals at the Nerdly Spectacular…….CHICKS OVER DICKS! The fans put forth massive cheers both for the victory and the makeout session Alix and Krista have to commemorate their victory. COACH That’s the only thing that makes this result tolerable. COLE It will be Chicks Over Dicks meeting with The Heavenly Rockers at the Nerdly Spectacular in the Anderson Cup finals! Goodnight everybody! FADE OUT PLZ ENJOY THE POST SHOW ENTERTAINMENT

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We head straight to Sofa Central which is now decorated with Anglemania banners as well as bobbleheads of OAOAST Superstars wearing Anglemania baseball jerseys much like our announce team. COLE Ladies and gentlemen Anglepalooza is behind us and The Road to Anglemania is on! We've got major matches here tonight, including the Anderson Cup semi-finals as well two king of the ring qualifying matches. COACH Mikey, the road to Anglemania is sizzling and someone is gonna get burned tonight. "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role 2000" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. COLE Heeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke to a loud pop from the thousands in attendance in the Mile One Centre. PR stops to pose on the entrance stage, a wide smile on his face. He gets the crowd fired up in his suit and tie ensemble (along with a Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head and sunglasses as usual), before walking down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Now sporting short hair and facial hair underneath the chin, Tha Puerto Rican is the happiest he’s possibly ever been on HeldDOWN~! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is back in a ring LIVE here on HeldDOWN~! for the first time in 10 months! Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap hands with the fans before power walking around the ringside area. COLE Coach has vanished, which is all the proof that you need that Tha Puerto Rican is indeed back! Tha Puerto Rican climbs up the ring steps, and then gets onto the ring apron and gives the fans The People's Eyebrow. P.R. lowers his sunglasses to wink at the fans. He chuckles and then lets out a “WOO!“ Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans' cheers while "Know Your Role 2000" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still cheering loudly. PRL is still beaming as his pyro finishes. He points to the fans and says, “I CAME BACK FOR YOU!” before heading to a second turnbuckle and raising his hands in the air. The crowd cheers. PRL smiles at the fans, and then jumps off of the second turnbuckle, heading to another second turnbuckle to raise his hands again, and again, receiving cheers. PRL cannot stop smiling as he points to the fans while on the second turnbuckle, before jumping off and heading to a third second turnbuckle. Once there, PR raises his right fist into the air and “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him. PRL lets out a mighty roar as the crowd cheers. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is back in the OAOAST, and the fans couldn’t be happier! PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers. PR laughs a hearty laugh while standing on the turnbuckle. He points to the fans again, points to his heart and then jumps off of the turnbuckle. He calls for a microphone. COLE So much has happened since we last saw Tha Puerto Rican. So much has changed. You have to wonder what is Tha Puerto Rican’s opinion’s on things going on in the OAOAST, and I am sure that he won’t hesitate to tell us! PRL gets a microphone from a ringside attendant. The lights go back on inside of the arena. Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring as “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE Listen to this ovation for Tha Puerto Rican! The OAOAST Marks are thrilled to have The People’s Champion back! Tha Puerto Rican looks around at the capacity crowd chanting his name. He grins as the chants get louder and louder. PR nods his head and then “smells the electricity” again. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has returned! He is back in the OAOAST, and hopefully, he stays this time! Tha Puerto Rican lets the chants subside before he brings the microphone to his lips and opens his mouth. THA PUERTO RICAN Damn, I missed you guys! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN It can finally be said. After 10 months, it can finally be uttered. Because, this ain’t no fiction! This ain't no make believe! This ain’t no mirage! At long last…after all this time…THE CHAMP IS HERE IN ST. JOHN’S! (CHEAP POP~!) THA PUERTO RICAN And at long last, after all this time, Tha Puerto Rican is BACK in the OAOAST! Another cheer from the fans. COLE You’re damn right! THA PUERTO RICAN And before we get to the good stuff, I’m sure you’re all just wondering just where the hell Tha Puerto Rican has been? Well, honestly, there isn’t much to say. We all know that I injured my back when I got that Thunderous Rejection through a glass table at School’s Out. I took four months to recover, then I had my big return at AngleSlam: San Juan Smackdown, which was one of the highlights of my career. Main eventing in my hometown, in front of all of my people, was a thrill of a lifetime. With my best friend and my girl by my side, I proceeded to layeth the smacketh down all over Reject’s candy ass and pick up the 1-2-3 in Puerto Rico! “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE P.R. defeated Reject in the main event of AngleSlam last year! I wonder if that means he’s due for a World Title shot soon! THA PUERTO RICAN Yes, I BEAT the current OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring! I had momentum on my side! I was on a roll…but then, about 3 weeks later, I suffered yet ANOTHER injury! This time, I broke my right ankle in a match against Cuban Wall! Don’t worry, it wasn’t Wall’s fault. I just stepped on it wrong, heard a snap, and was in pain the rest of the match. It was unbearable, but the surgery was a success, and I have recovered. So, Lightning Bolts, I AM 100%, I AM healthy, and I am once again BACK to lay the smackdown on any monkey ass that gets in my way! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN So, what has happened since I was last in the OAOAST? What has happened since I last stepped foot inside of a HeldDOWN~! ring? Zack Malibu disappeared off the face of the Earth and took AngleSault with him. People started to like Biff Atlas for some unknown reason. Our esteemed General Manager became obsessed with taking the Women’s Championship off of Morgan Nerdly. Alfdogg was retired, then came back, and may or may not have been wrestling under a mask in between. Bohemoth went to the dark side. WDW came back for one night only. Sandman9000 finally lost the Heartland Championship. Christian Wright decided that he was the Second Coming of The Messiah. Leon Rodez decided to stop copying comedy sketches from Late Night With Conan O’Brien and start listening to Linkin Park, and yet somehow, someway, THROUGH ALL OF THIS, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix is STILL hanging around being his useless self! The crowd cheers loudly as Tha Puerto Rican throws his hands up, bewildered that Landon still has a job in the OAOAST. COLE I can’t believe it myself sometimes. THA PUERTO RICAN 8-Man Tag Team Championship? Are you kidding me!? Speaking of titles, the OAOAST World Title scene has gotten pretty damn interesting since I was last here. Krista Isadora Duncan cashed in her Money In The Bank contract and became the 2nd woman to win the World Heavyweight Championship in OAOAST history. She lost the Title to Theodore Moneymaker, but then won it again. But then Reject decided to cash in *his* Money In The Bank contract that he won in the match that I injured my back in and he won the World Title, lost it to Alfdogg, and then won it again at the very event that I returned at, Anglepalooza. So now, Reject and Krista have something else in common besides the fact that they both have vaginas, they are both 2-time World Heavyweight Champions. Congratulations, you two! Tha Puerto Rican gives a cheesy thumbs up to the camera as the crowd pops for his subtle insult to Reject. COLE Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. THA PUERTO RICAN But I kid, I kid. I actually still like Krista. Earlier today I went ahead and talked to her again. She didn’t remember who I was, but after several minutes of trying to jog her memory…I just said “the hell with it” and talked to Jade and Alix, our current United States Champion! Alix remembered who I was…although for some reason, she kept calling me Dwayne. I have no idea why. Anyway, the main point is that it was good to see the OAOAST cast of characters again…even if one of them doesn’t know my name. COLE Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. THA PUERTO RICAN But just because they’re old faces doesn’t mean that I HAVE to be friends with them. I could be annoyed with them. Dislike them. Maybe even HATE them. Or, I could just want what they have. Like, if some snotty little punk who has a bargain basement dwelling WHORE of a girlfriend has the one thing that I want more than anything else right now! Something like that! COLE I think I know what PRL is talking about! THA PUERTO RICAN Reject, don’t think your Title reign will last forever. I beat you once. I CAN and WILL beat you again! And when I do, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt is coming back to its rightful owner. COLE PR threatening the current World Heavyweight Champion! THA PUERTO RICAN Actually, I don’t care who the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion is! It could be anybody! Reject, Krista Isadora Duncan, Zack Malibu, Alfdogg, Bohemoth, AngleSault, Tommy G, Leon Rodez, Logan ‘Usher’ Mann, ‘Tremendous’ Tyler Bryant, Cuban Wall, Spanish Fly, Nathaniel Black, Vinny Valentine, Tony Tourettes, Thomas Rodriguez, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO THE OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION IS! The crowd cheers. PRL is getting fired up himself. THA PUERTO RICAN What does matter is this, the fact of the matter is, when the time is right, when Tha Puerto Rican can get another shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, Tha Puerto Rican WILL strike! Tha Puerto Rican WILL whoop the candy ass of whomever the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion is! And Tha Puerto Rican WILL…WILL…WILL once again be the OAOAST Champion! COLE Tha Puerto Rican making his intentions know. He wants to become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion for the 2nd time in his career! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican “smells the electricity”. COLE This crowd, the OAOAST Marks, are feeling the electricity coming from The Latin Lion! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” THA PUERTO RICAN I am back to who I was before! 2009 wasn’t the best year in Tha Puerto Rican’s life, especially compared to how phenomenal 2008 was, but Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that 2010 WILL be better! Tha Puerto Rican PROMISES you, The Lightning Bolts, that 2010 will be a year that you will never…AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NEVER…EVER…forget! This is MY year! This is MY world! And this is the start of a NEW PRL Era here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Because come hell or high water, one day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon, Tha Puerto Rican will once again become One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Tha Puerto Rican is back and he means business! Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring, trying to calm himself down after working himself into a stupor. The crowd chants his name again. COLE The Champ Is BACK In The One And Only AngleSault Thread! Tha Puerto Rican stands in the center of the ring, bends down, outstretches his right hand which is holding the microphone, tilts his head back and brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-- Suddenly, “Dani California” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd, and PRL, are surprised by this, as this music hasn’t been heard in the OAOAST in a long time. The entrance doors slide open, and JAMES RIGGS comes storming down the entrance ramp. It takes a few seconds for the fans to remember Riggs, but eventually they do, and start booing accordingly. COLE W-wait. What? James Riggs? JAMES RIGGS!? What is HE doing out here!? What does he have to do with Tha Puerto Rican!? We haven’t seen James Riggs in months! The self-proclaimed leader of JR Nation walks around the ringside area demanding a microphone. The timekeeper nervously hands him one, and Riggs responds by eyeing the timekeeper with evil intentions. He looks up at a confused PRL in the ring, and points a menacing finger at him. He mouths, “You.” and then climbs onto the ring apron, eyeing PR some more before entering the ring. James is decked out in a red T-shirt, a black denim jacket, black wristbands, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, a leather belt with a giant silver belt buckle holding up dark blue jeans and black boots. COLE James Riggs is a former X-Division Champion and a former 24/7 Champion, but…he hasn’t done much since losing both belts to Colombian Heat at Zero Hour over two years ago to unify them into the OAOAST United States Championship! “Dani California” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. James Riggs stares down Tha Puerto Rican, Puerto still wondering just why the hell he is out here. The crowd is just as confused. JAMES RIGGS So, it’s that simple, huh? It’s that easy? You--you just waltz right in here after being M.I.A. for 10 months, and all of a sudden, you think you’re worthy of a World Title shot!? Is THAT how things work around here!? THA PUERTO RICAN JAMES RIGGS You think just because you’re made of glass that the OAOAST Board of Directors will feel sorry for you and grant you a Title shot? You think you can just nudge your way into the main event of AngleMania IX just because you’re brittle? Is that what you think!? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS COMPANY! James runs his hands through his long blonde hair and then lets out a frustrated grunt. JAMES RIGGS Do you know where I’ve been for the past 10 months? Huh? Do you want to know exactly what I have been doing? I’VE BEEN SITTING ON MY ASS! I have been at home with my wife doing NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! This has been the slowest 10 months of my entire life! I’ve tried to get out of my contract! I’ve begged and I’ve pleaded! But I have yet to be let go! They won’t release me! They won’t fire me! No matter what I do! I can publicly badmouth the company, I can pick on some lowly backstage crewmember, I CAN INTERRUPT A MATCH WITH A MARCHING BAND AND THEY STILL WON’T FIRE ME! COLE What does any of this have to do with Tha Puerto Rican? JAMES RIGGS I am a former OAOAST X-Division Champion! I am a former OAOAST 24/7 Champion! That's right. I HAVE HELD TITLES IN THIS COMPANY! THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO GIVE ME WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE! THA PUERTO RICAN ... JAMES RIGGS I have been healthy and ready to go for 10 months, and I haven’t gotten anything! But YOU! YOU…YOU no good second rate wannabe! It’s bad enough that you became World Champion before I did, but you get injured and you disappear for 10 months and then you come back and you’re right back in the Title picture! HOW IS THAT FAIR!? I’m injury-free for 10 months and get nothing in return! You can’t take a step without twisting your ankle, yet you can get shots at the World Title and can main event as many shows as you want as soon as you return! NO WONDER I HATE THIS DAMN COMPANY SO DAMN MUCH! Tha Puerto Rican gives James Riggs The People’s Eyebrow in response. JAMES RIGGS This injustice cannot stand! I am SICK and TIRED of being OVERLOOKED! The One And Only AngleSault Thread WILL recognize James Riggs, or I am going to take this company STRAIGHT TO HELL! This company is MINE, and I won’t let ANYBODY, especially IDIOTS LIKE YOU STOP ME! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” JAMES RIGGS I have all the skills necessarily to make it here. I have the looks, the charisma, the mic skills, the passion, the intelligence, the courage and the athletic ability to become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE SAME PEOPLE GETTING THE SAME SHOTS EVERY WEEK! Starting tonight, *I* stand up for myself and *I* make an IMPACT! And with JR Nation rooting me on, I will go all the way to the top and become One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion before you win it again! Because James Riggs is the future, and the future STARTS NOW! James throws his microphone down IN ANGER~! He is breathing heavily and is bug eye. He runs his hands through his hair and slaps himself in the face several times. The crowd boos. PRL just looks at Riggs. COLE Well, James Riggs is certainly passionate. I’ll give him that much. Tha Puerto Rican continues staring at Riggs, who mouths off to the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. The crowd starts another “P.R.!” chant as P.R. lets what Riggs just said sink in. COLE You gotta wonder how P.R. feels about Mr. Riggs’ comments. Tha Puerto Rican chuckles, and then brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN After that very eloquent speech, Tha Puerto Rican has only this to say in response: Tha Puerto Rican grabs James Riggs. ROCK BOTTOM! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE LATIN SLAM! THE LATIN SLAM ON JAMES RIGGS! Tha Puerto Rican jumps right back up to his feet and taunts the fallen Riggs! The crowd goes nuts! PRL does the “You can’t see me!” hand gesture. His sunglasses have fallen off, so PRL puts them back on and picks up his microphone. COLE Tha Puerto Rican showing James Riggs just how much he cares about him and what he had to say with one move! THA PUERTO RICAN Now with THAT little annoyance out of the way… Tha Puerto Rican stands in the center of the ring, bends down, outstretches his right hand which is holding the microphone, tilts his head back and brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow and then puts his head down to give James Riggs The People’s Eyebrow too. PRL “smells the electricity” as the crowd cheers. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has returned to the OAOAST, and he looks better than ever! And he has shown James Riggs what happens when you interrupt Tha Puerto Rican! PRL smiles at the fans, mouthing, “I love you guys.” PRL then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his right fist into the air while “smelling the electricity” inside of the arena. The crowd cheers. PRL then gets off of the second turnbuckle and does the same Rock pose on another second turnbuckle. The crowd cheers again. COLE Let’s take a look at that Latin Slam again. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican giving James Riggs a Latin Slam. Cut to the Latin Slam from a different angle. COLE James Riggs came out here and talked about how he felt ‘held back’ here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread. He wanted to stand up for himself. Make his case heard. James Riggs thought that he could ruin Tha Puerto Rican’s return to HeldDOWN~!, but one Latin Slam was all it took to shut James up! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican smiling in the ring as James Riggs withers on the mat in tremendous pain from the Latin Slam. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has made his triumphant return to the One And Only AngleSault Thread! I reckon James Riggs will think twice before he decides to interrupt Tha Puerto Rican again! We’ll be right back with more HeldDOWN~! right after these messages! Tha Puerto Rican looks down at James Riggs, laughs and then exits the ring. He walks up the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. James Riggs is still on the mat, holding his back and head and wincing in pain as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing. FADE OUT TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT ANDERSON CUP SEMI FINAL CHICKS OVER DICKS VS LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND THE MAINEVENT COMING UP NEXT KING OF THE RING QUALIFIER VINNY VALENTINE VS TIM CASH NEXT!

KC's other seg

MIND BODY SOUL DESTROYED DESTROY MORGAN NERDLY MIND BODY SOUL COLE What was that about? Backstage we go, finding ourselves in the locker room of Cucaracha Internacional. Sat on the edge of their expensiv, imported leather couch (none of this cheap American stuff for international stars!), Landon Maddix rests his chin on his hands, clearly deep in thought. Sat in the seat to his side his Nathaniel Black. Looky even grumpier than usual, as he's sat in this 'informal meeting', with Megan stood between the two. Presumably incase anything should happen. MADDIX I'm going to be honest... I'm a little disappointed. Black rolls his eyes, as Landon shifts in the chair, turning to Black. MADDIX Everything was going completely to plan. To the letter. We all went in knowing what we had to do and yet, all the hard work gets done, only for it to get screwed up right at the end. I mean, what the hell Nat? What happened? BLACK Well, I got thrown out. MADDIX No kidding. I mean, just a couple more seconds. A couple more seconds. That's all you had to hang on for! Do you even realise how long I was in that Rumble? BLACK No. Landon pauses. MADDIX Me neither. But the point is, I was in there a long time, just like I knew I had to be. Sit it out until number 29. Take a break if I had to. Just wait it out safely. By which point you'd be in, Faqu'd be in and three on one we could toss everyone else in that ring over the top rope and settle things from there. That was the plan. What happened to you? You took your eye off the ball, Nat. You lost your concentration. And everything went, as you British like to say, "tits up" from there. If you were in the ring still, Faqu never would have been thrown out. I never would have been thrown out. One of us would have won that Rumble. Shaking his head, Landon slumps back into the couch, head in hands. He sits back up, confronted by the two bored faces and sighs. MADDIX Look... I know you don't like me. Okay? But this stubborn resistance of yours, to put any faith in me. This pigheadedness, this insistence in your head that you know best. Where's that gotten you? Huh? Where did that get you before I came along? Long, poorly paid tours of Japan. Obscurity in Europe. The whole reason you linked up with James and Faqu was solidarity. And the reason you guys linked up with me is because you knew I could take you to that next level. My way. A tried and tested way. What were you thinking out there, huh? To lose your concentration like that. Were you thinking about throwing me out? Saw my back was turned and contemplated double-crossing me, because that would be your idea of going to the next level. Is that it? Black doesn't answer back, staring right back at Landon. MADDIX You know what, I think you need to start trusting in me a bit more. Because I don't want to lose my trust in you. I know how good you are. How dangerous you are. But only if you're in on the plan instead of fighting against it. Think about it. Standing up, Landon leaves shaking his head, with Black continuing to stare forward grumpily. Stepping into Landon's shoes, or at least his spot on the sofa, Megan looks almost as unimpressed with the peptalk as Black does. But not completely. MEGAN Well? Were you? BLACK Was I wot? MEGAN Thinking about throwing Landon out. Black glares back at Megan and stands out of the seat. BLACK No. Although now, I'm startin' ta wish I 'ad. Saved someone else the bother. Black now leaves, giving the door a good slam on his way out and giving Megan more problems to mull over. COMMERCIAL

WELL ITS MIDNIGHT AND ITS COLDER PULL YOU CLOSER I CAN SEE THROUGH WHEN ITS SUNSHINE AND ITS SOLAR AND ITS OVER GUESS ITS ME AND YOU BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT. "Solar Midnite" by Lupe Fiasco hits and the shrill female screams of excited D*LUX fangirls pierces through the music as Tyler Bryant jogs out onto the stage with a big smile on his face. Tyler pops open his denim jacket and shows off the delights that lay beneath, before heading to the ring tagging hands. BUFFER The following contest is a King Of The Ring Qualifying Match, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Auburn Hills, Michigan... weighing one hundred, ninety six pounds. He is one half of D*LUX... "TREMENDOUS" TTYYYYYYYLLLLEEEEEEERRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRYYYYYAAAAAAANNTT!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tyler slides into the ring and removes of his jacket, stopping to wave to some of his fans near the back of the arena. COLE A big opportunity here tonight for Tyler, King Of The Ring qualifying the aim here tonight. What a prize that would be for this youngster. COACH Yeah well, he's got some growing up to do before he can dream of being a King. COLE Tyler's done a lot of growing up here in the OAOAST I think, Coach. He's... Suddenly, as Tyler continues to wave to his fans, the cheers turn to worried screams, as BOHEMOTH and TOMMY G are seen marching to the ring. COLE Wait a minute! What the hell is this!? COACH Uh-oh. Bad times! Tyler has his back to the aisle and doesn't realise in time what's heading his way, as Bohemoth slides in and clubs him between the shoulder blades! The fans boo and scream their disapproval as Tyler is caught completely unawares and subjected to a MUGGING from Bohemoth and Tommy G, kicked and stomped into the mat. The referee tries to get involved and Tommy shoves him down for good measure. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, this past Sunday Bohemoth and Tommy G were both eliminated from the Lethal Rumble by Tyler Bryant, after a huge assist in both cases from Zack Malibu of course. And... I'm sure they're unhappy, but there's absolutely no call for this! As he's kicked into near unconsciousness, Tyler is suddenly picked up as Bohemoth calls a stop to the beating. Dragging Tyler up by the hair, Bohemoth hauls him around and DRIVES him into the mat with a Front Spinebuster!! COACH Looks like Tyler's gonna learn how to grow up the hard way, Cole. COLE This is ridiculous Coach. Tyler isn't the reason these two didn't win the Lethal Rumble. If they want to take their frustrations out on someone and be sore losers, they ought to be taking it up with Zack Malibu. Tommy G gets in a few more shots as an enraged Bohemoth circles the ring, yelling down at the group of referees who have come to the ring to try and put a stop to this. Picked up again, Tyler is barely able to stand. And Tommy G levels him with a brutal short clothesline. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" Tyler lies motionless on the mat, with a vengeful Bohemoth and Tommy G standing over him. After a few seconds Bohemoth then decides he's not done. And he picks Tyler back up, to drive him into and almost through the mat with a brutal Powerbomb!! Tommy G keeps the referees at bay, as boos ring rain down on the devestating duo. They back off just long enough for two brave referees to reach in and pull Tyler to safety, carrying his lifeless body to the back as Bohemoth stalks around the ring and Tommy G glares a hole through the officials. COLE This is a damn shame. Tyler didn't deserve this. COACH He was an accomplice. Guilty by association.

The fabulous interview lounge is host to Maggie Nerdly and Lethal Rumble winner Mister Dick along with his lover Malaysia. MAGGIE Okay, Jock, ya really went and did it. Ya made it through the number one entry in the rumble and ya won the whole thing! That’s pretty darn amazing, and ya cost me 15 bucks in the Lethal Rumble pool. No hard feelings, except in your pants, of course. How did ya do it? What's your secret? MISTER DICK How’d I get an erection? Damn, its hard to explain, its like a sweet magical science like Harry Potter. MAGGIE What? That isn’t what I was talking about! The peeps wanna know how you lasted from number one all the way to the end of the Lethal Rumble MISTER DICK Mister Dick is known to last all night long, all night! MAGGIE Didn’t see that one coming, man. MALAYSIA You should test it for yourself, little sister. MAGGIE Uh....I'm gonna pass on that one, yeah. MISTER DICK Forearms, punches, European uppercuts, stomps, superkicks, haymakers, dropkicks, I got hit with more stuff than yer little tiny ass can shake a stick at. As soon as I got done tossing one chump over the ropes, the next twenty would descend on me like a pack of wolves. But if you get Mister Dick down, you better keep on him, because if you don’t I’ll pop up and lay an unholy ass whupping on ya without a second thought. I guarantee that, and I proved that at Anglepalooza. It didn’t matter what they hit me with, they could ran me down with a mac truck. The end result was always gonna be Mister Dick tossin’ half those sorry sad sacks of crap over the ropes and going to Anglemania as the number one contender for the world title! MAGGIE Gotcha. But you gotta know your opponent right now is gonna be Reject. Are ya cool with that? Unexpectedly Baron Windells walks onto scene, and offers Mister Dick a beer. MD’s love for liquor interrupts his hate for Windells, and he accepts the drink. BARON Sorry to interrupt, Maggie. MAGGIE Right when I was getting to the tough questions, dude! MISTER DICK What are ya doin’ here, ain’t you gotta a dumpster to go eat out of. BARON I’m here to congratulate you on winning the Lethal Rumble. MISTER DICK Holy shit on a stick, you wanna congragulate me? BARON That I do. MISTER DICK. Well slap a skirt on me, spank me gently and call me Suzy, I can’t believe this. BARON I wanna be a man, look you right in the eye and congratulate you on being the better man. MISTER DICK This must be Christmas morning! I feel like a kid who just saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Yer tellin’ me that I’m the better man. BARON On that night you were. You outlasted the best the OAOAST had to offer. There were former World Champions, maineventers, tag team champions and legit tough guys in there, and you beat them all. MISTER DICK I did indeed do that. Ain’t no body done me no favors in that match. Half the damn field was gunning to leave me outside the mat and flat on my ass. I didn’t have a single friend watchin’ my back, ThunderKid woulda turned on me if I hadn’t turned on him first. It was everyman for himself, and you’re right I was the best man of all. BARON And I believe you’re gonna be the better man against Reject at Anglemania. MISTER DICK Hey now, hey now, don’t go pushin’ no agenda to me. Trynna tease dissension and what not, I see you Baron Windells, I see you. MALAYSIA Mmmm....how about a foursome to make peace? MAGGIE Foursome? There's only three.....oh no! Ya can count me out, big sis! BARON Hey, I’m just stating a belief, brother. MISTER DICK Fair enough. Lemme tell you what, Reject, Alfdogg, PRL, Krista, Rodez, you, it don’t matter who’s got that strap around their waist come Angleslam, because the result will be the same, me whupping their sorry ass halfway across Vegas! And that’s all I got to say about that. Mister Dick and Malaysia walk off leaving Baron and Maggie to converse between themselves.

HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! The familiar music of the Heavenly Rockers play them down the multicolored lit stage. BUFFER This is a semi-final Anderson Cup bout! Introducing first, accompanied by HOLLY… COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What a match-up this should be. One of the most heated rivalries in OAOAST history renewed with a trip to the 2010 Anderson Cup Finals at stake. COACH They’re both chasing history too, Cole. No team has ever won the Anderson Cup twice. “Slither” by Velvet Revolver interrupts Synth and Abdullah’s pre-match prayer session. BUFFER And their opponents, from the O.C., total combine weight 460 pounds, the 2009 Anderson Cup champions… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" OAOAST Marks flock to the guardrails to get up close with two of their favorites. COLE This place is going crazy! COACH Imagine what it’s gonna be like in Vegas for AngleMania IX. Not working by the hour, the Heavenly Rockers immediately pounce on the longtime rivals. * DINGDINGDING * Simon and Ned return fire to seize control of the situation. They whip Synth and Logan in for a pair of BAAAAAACK body drops, and then knock them out to the floor. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Abdullah reorganizes his men and sends them back for battle, only for them to charge into stereo hip tosses! Synth rolls outside and gets wiped out by a SLINGSHOT CROSSBODY as Ned covers Logan! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan crosses his heart as he calls for a cease-fire. COLE Logan not looking so MACHO now. Logan extends his hand to Ned, which to the surprise of many is accepted. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" LOGAN (to crowd) (to Ned) Ned is no dummy, he realizes this is a ploy, hence the quick duck under from a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! LOGAN Logan’s expression changes again following an atomic drop. LOGAN COACH I thought Ned’s supposed to be a good guy, Cole. What’s he doing still hustling? COLE He’s just fighting fire with fire. Simon tags in and the O.C. Cobras hit THE DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan reverses a whip and Synth knees Simon in the back. That leads to a tag and a SWINGING NECKBREAKER! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Snyth stomps Simon before heading up top, but pauses to praise the heavens, allowing Ned to shake the top rope and cause Synth to CROTCH himself on the turnbuckle! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon tags out and Ned comes in firing. He decks Synth with a back elbow and nails Logan on the apron for good measure! COACH Where‘s the outrage, Cole? You’d be whining had it been the other way around. Ned spikes the point of the elbow into Synth’s heart and makes the cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY LOGAN! Ned slams Synth as Logan is escorted back to his corner. A tag follows and so does the dropping of THE ATOMIC BLOND…BUT SYNTH GETS THE KNEES UP!!! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Logan tags in and floors Simon with a running double axe handle smash to the face! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan introduces Simon violently to the buckle and then hammers him with an array of short left jabs to the face and body. But Logan makes the mistake of paint brushing the blond and has the tables turned on him! * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan reverses a whip but Simon leapfrogs him and delivers a cross body on the rebound! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan rakes the eyes and dumps Simon outside. COLE The referee better keep a watchful eye here. You’ve got 4 devious people in the Heavenly Rockers corner. COACH Like a best friend, religious leader/promoter, good wife and head of security would do anything illegal, Cole. Just as Coach finishes his sentence Colonel Abdullah punches Simon and Holly kicks him. Again. And again. COLE What do you have to say now, Coach? COACH Rape? COLE Give me a break. Simon is tossed back in and the Heavenly Rockers tag. Synth scrolls in cool as a cucumber and spikes Simon with a PILEDRIVER! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY NED! Synth shoves Ned from behind and gets leveled. As the referee restrains Ned, Logan enters to give Simon a DDT, but a LOW BLOW puts a stop to that! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Oh, my! COACH What blatant disregard for the rules, Cole. Not to mention an act of desperation. “SIMON” chants ring throughout once again as he seeks to make the all important tag, but Synth grabs a leg and brings Simon up to his feet. SYNTH You ain’t so bad now, huh? Simon responds with an ENZIGURI~! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The O.C. Cobras tag and Ned comes in kicking ass, leveling the Heavenly Rockers on numerous occasions. DOUBLE COCONUT sends Logan out to the floor and Synth into a STUN GUN! Abdullah hops on the apron and is met by Ned. The Colonel does his best lawyer’s plea to no avail, as Ned readies to drill him, but the sound of footsteps cause him to move and Synth collides with Abdullah! Synth stumbles back into a SCHOOL BOY! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO!! SAVE BY LOGAN! Simon re-enters and all hell breaks loose. COACH We’ve got all 4 men going at it, Cole. COLE They’re sweaty and half naked too! Logan and Simon take their fight out to the floor while Ned positions Synth for THE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX as the ref desperately tries to get Logan and Simon back on the apron. That allows QUIZ to sneak in and blast Ned with a BIG BOOT! COLE Damn him! Quiz places Synth on top and exits. COACH Logan’s got Simon trapped in the corner, Cole. The count. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to the 2010 Anderson Cup Finals… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" “Heart-Shaped Box“ by Nirvana cues as Abdullah shoves the ref aside to raise the Heavenly Rockers‘ arms in victory. COLE The Heavenly Rockers stole one, damn it! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" TEAM HEYROSS run-in to inform the referee of what happened, only to be ambushed by the Heavenly Rockers! COACH I’m glad to see there’s still justice in the world, Cole. Team Heyross came out here to attack the Heavenly Rockers and got the tables turned on them. COLE Oh, please. Team Heyross fight back and the Heavenly Rockers retreat. COLE Look at that. The Heavenly Rockers leaving with their tail between their legs. COACH No, you idiot. They’re living to fight another day. COLE Fans, we gotta take a break. Stay with us! COMMERCIAL