Patty O'Green
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Posts posted by Patty O'Green
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Anyone of you miserable dirt fuckers need this? If you write I'll write!
My nigga Andrew Bynum just threw it down! Throw it down, big man, throw it down!
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Last show before the Motor City Spectacular, so ya'll dudes better get on your grind and make shit happen, know what I mean, b? Make shit happen!
Christian Wright Vs Shayne Brave
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I've left space for promos and shit if needed
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“Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue hits and the One & Only World tag team champions head to the ring.
BUFFER
The following contest is for THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, accompanied by MALAYSIA… from SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, at a total combine weight of 503 pounds… THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS and OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Malaysia to her knees and MD directs her head towards his crotch where the OAOAST Championship hangs out from his short shorts, which she pulls off with her mouth.
COACH
It suddenly got a little hot in here, Cole.
COLE
Quite an entrance for the reigning OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion.
The music dies down and the anticipation builds for the next introduction.
BUFFER
And their opponents, from Los Angeles, California…
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
BUFFER
… to New York and all points in between…
OAOAST GALAXY
“Living in America” by James Brown cues to a mix reaction.
BUFFER
… FREEDOM and LIBERTY… THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!!
The masked patriots proudly wave Old Glory down the aisle.
COLE
With all due respect to the All-American Boys, they’re not who we expected. I mean, they haven’t won a match since the Bush administration!
COACH
43 not 41, so it really wasn’t too long ago.
MD salutes the AAB who salute back, then shake a stunned BW’s hand.
COLE
Look at Baron Windels. You can tell he expected COD like all of us.
Before the match begins the AAB speak with ring announcer Michael Buffer.
BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the All-American Boys respectfully ask that you all please rise for the playing of our national anthem.
Since it wasn’t a foreigner who requested it, the fans do stand. The anthem plays only to be cut short after MD delivers a STIFF KICK to Freedom and gives Liberty a FACIAL!
COLE
What the heck?
COACH
Maybe Mr. Dick expected a live performance and was disappointed it was an instrumental instead.
COLE
He can join the club. A lot of people have been disappointed tonight. In any event, that may be the shortest title match in OAOAST history.
BW tries to have a word with MD but is shunned. MD executes THE COCK BLOCK and makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!!
* DINGDINGDING *
BUFFER
The winners of the match and still your One & Only World tag team champions… BARON WINDELS and OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… MISTER DICK!!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Although a few scattered boos can be heard, they’re mostly drowned out by cheers. Unlike MD, BW isn’t in a celebratory mood. He tends to the All-American Boys while MD gloats with his two championship belts as we...
FADE OUT
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PROMO -
"Skills" by Beatbullyz hits and as the crowd begin to clap along to the beat, the masked figure of J-Max heads out through the entrance. Followed by another masked figure, clad in pink. Wearing his sombrero and poncho, Mariachi does a sexy grind on the stage, while J-MAX heads to the ring trying to play along with his unique partner, without actually... well, "playing with him".
BUFFER
The following tag team contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, total combined weight, three hundred fifty pounds... the team of "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" J-MMMMAAAAAAAAXXXXX... and, his tag team partner, MMMAAAARRRIIIIIAAAAACCHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"
J-MAX vaults into the ring with a springboard moonsault, landing on his feet to a cheer. The two masked men salute the crowd, Mariachi's eyes wandering towards his partner's well-toned body.
COLE
What an exciting tandem this should be. The high-flying J-MAX and the always entertaining Mariachi!
COACH
Always entertaining, you say?
COLE
Yeah. He likes to have fun! And hopefully Mariachi is starting to move on with life without his former partner, in the ring and out, Moracca.
COACH
In the "ring", you say?
As the masked men limber up, "The World Is Mine" by David Guetta pumps through the arena. And to their eternal embarrassment, out walk the LDC Moneygang, Colin the schoolgirl and Spencer in his Hello Kitty tanktop, skirt and heels.
BUFFER
And their opponents! Representing THE ENTERPRISE... total combined weight, four hundred thirty pounds... SPENCER REIGER and the OAOAST United States Champion COLIN MAGUIRE JR. ... THE L D C MMMOOOOOONNEEEEYYYY - GGAAAAAAAAANNGG!!!!!
No boos. No jeers. That would be great for LDCMG right now. Instead, laughter fills the arena. Colin looks ready to slaughter somebody while Spencer is mortified. Meanwhile, in the ring, Mariachi's eyes are practically bulging out of his mask and... well, something else may be bulging out of somewhere else, if you know what I mean.
COLE
Somebody pinch Mariachi, let him know he's not dreaming!
As they approach the ring, Spencer attempts to climb onto the apron. The cameraman promptly goes for an UPSKIRT SHOT and Reiger flips his shit at him, the Moneygang chasing the cameraman away!
COLE
Oh, lord!
COACH
This is horrible. Two of the finest wrestlers in our sport, being reduced to this. I mean, for god's sake, Colin is the United States Champion of this company and he's dressed up like a schoolgirl!!
Composing themselves, Colin and Spencer climb to the apron.
And once he gets a good look at them, Mariachi promptly FAINTS and takes a bump!
SPENCER
...that's it, we're outta here!
The LDC Moneygang jump back down off the apron and decide the match isn't worth their time or embarrassment, so head to the back!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
J-MAX isn't going to let that happen though and sprints up the aisle to catch them, ramming the Moneygang's heads together! J-MAX then brings Spencer back to the ring and throws him back inside, allowing the ref to ring the bell.
*DINGDINGDING*
Beginning to stir, Mariachi gets up as Spencer tries his best to stand up without exposing his underwear.
COACH
Behind you, Spencer! Look out, you're wide open! Literally!
Spencer gets to his feet bitching out the referee, before slowly realising that Mariachi is behind him. Close behind him. Spencer freezes in fear as Mariachi starts playing around with his skirt and whispers something in his ear!
COACH
Oh my God.
Whatever was said, Spencer doesn't appreciate it and wheels around with a right hand. But Mariachi ducks and LIFTS UP SPENCER'S SKIRT!!
"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
COACH
AAAHHH!!
COLE
Spencer Reiger just became New York's Finest Flasher!
Freaking out Spencer runs away, coming back off the ropes with a big clothesline. Mariachi ducks the line and sweeps out Spencer's legs. As Spencer tries to roll over and protect his modesty he ends up on all fours and Mariachi jumps on, riding Reiger and shouting "HELLO KITTY!" with some slaps on the ass to get Spencer moving!!
COACH
Somebody stop this. This is awful!
COLE
This is great! Mariachi must feel like all his Christmases have come at once!
Spencer manages to buck Mariachi off of him and having had more than his fill of the embarrassment, tags Colin in. But Colin, understandably, doesn't want to come in. Mariachi waves him on, practically licking his lips.
COLE
Come on in, Colin. Join the fun!
Nervously, Colin steps into the ring and tries a simple lock-up with Mariachi, who scares him off by making kissy-faces.
COACH
I hope Chicks Over Dicks are proud of themselves right now.
COLE
I'm sure they are.
As they go to lock knuckles Colin surprises Mariachi with a boot to the gut, then piefaces him to the mat, angry at being made a fool of. Colin starts obsessing over his schoolgirl outfit though and doesn't notice J-MAX tagging in. As he turns around, Colin is hit with a Springboard Crossbody!
1...
2...
No!
J-MAX hits the ropes, ducking an elbow from Colin and catching him with a Spinning Wheel Kick! Another cover...
1...
2...
No!
Wringing the arm, J-MAX takes control with an armbar, armdragging Colin to the mat with it. Colin trying in vain to close his skirt.
COLE
J-MAX is taking CMJ to school right here!
COACH
(deadpan)
HA HA HA HA HA. Vintage Michael Cole.
Colin gets back to his feet and catches J-MAX with a knee. And a second one. Free of the armbar, Colin then takes J-MAX to the corner and rams him into the turnbuckles. Tag is made and the Moneygang double-team, stomping the masked Brit in the corner and releasing some of their frustrations.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
COACH
There ya go. You've gone and made them mad now. Spencer and Colin ain't gonna take this kind of humiliation lying down. Make 'em pay boys!
Dragging J-MAX out of the corner, Spencer scoops and slams him in the middle of the ring. Fuming, Spencer glares over at Mariachi and out at the crowd before he hits his Measured Kneedrop. Cover...
1...
2...
No!
Spencer drags J-MAX up with a hold of the mask again, making another tag. The US Champion dishes out a couple of Irish uppercuts, then whips J-MAX to the ropes and cuts him down with a back elbow. Cover by Colin...
1...
2...
No!
Rear chinlock applied by Colin, he and Spencer trying to ignore the crowd as they start to WOLF-WHISTLE at them!
COLE
The LDC Moneygang trying to focus on the task at hand here, which has to be extremely hard considering they're dressed up in short skirts.
COACH
Exactly! This isn't just humiliation. COD are trying to ruin their livelihood with this stupid stunt.
COLE
Well, it's hard to feel too sorry for them. They did bring it on themselves... and it is kinda funny.
J-MAX gets back to his feet and starts to fight out of the chinlock, ramming elbows into the exposed stomach of CMJ. Once free, J-MAX quickly snapmares Colin over. He comes off the ropes and looks for a basement dropkick, but Colin moves out of the way! First to his feet Colin is then able to hit a quick boot and deliver a DDT, to the concern of Mariachi.
COACH
Here's where COD got it all wrong though. The Moneygang's quality will shine through. Great moves like that are great moves, no matter what you're wearing.
Colin rolls J-MAX over and hooks the leg...
1...
2...
Kickout!
Another tag is made on the LDC side and Spencer comes in, stomping J-MAX down.
COACH
How about we ask J-MAX how humiliating it is to get beat down by a dude wearing a skirt?
Spencer whips J-MAX into a neutral corner of the ring, hard. Angrily adjusting his ill-fitting ladies top Spencer then comes charging in... and runs into a knee! With Reiger staggered, J-MAX quickly hops onto the middle rope and hits a Blockbuster Neckbreaker to the despair of CMJ!
COLE
Oh, SNAP!
Both men are down, but suddenly J-MAX leaps up and makes a diving tag to Mariachi!
"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
Colin comes in to try and cut Mariachi off immediately, but Mariachi ducks his clothesline and starts chopping away at Colin's chest with overhand chops. Another CMJ clothesline is ducked and as he comes back off the ropes, Mariachi is waiting with a BUTT bump to the face! Out rolls Colin, but Spencer is back up and jumps Mariachi from behind.
COLE
Mariachi full of energy, but he needs to keep that wandering eye of his on the man in the ring.
Whipped to the ropes Mariachi ducks underneath a shot from Spencer and tries for a crucifix. But when that doesn't work, he turns it into a sunset flip and pulls The Prodigy down...
1...
2...
NO!
The LDC are getting frustrated now, another wild swing going right over the head of Mariachi. With Spencer off balance Mariachi grabs him in a rear waistlock and hits a PENIS THRUST FROM BEHIND!! More embarrassing than painful, but it does cause Spencer to stumble forward while Mariachi comes off the ropes, catching Spencer turning around with a crossbody!
1...
2...
NO!
COLE
The Moneygang are all over the place here! And what an upset this would be if J-MAX and Mariachi could pull this one off.
Caught with a boot, Spencer is sent into the ropes. Mariachi waits and leaps up, hoping to catch Spencer on the way back with a Frankensteiner... but Spencer counters and FOLDS Mariachi up with a kneeling powerbomb!!
"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
COACH
Great counter!
1...
2...
KICKOUT!
Angry, Spencer turns Mariachi over and rains down right hands to the head until the referee drags him off and warns about the closed fists. Spencer vents back at the ref, giving Mariachi a chance to escape.
COLE
Look out, tag made.
COACH
Turn around Spencer!
When Spencer finally turns around he's left looking up in shock, as J-MAX frontflips off the top and wipes him out with a Springboard Somersault Seated Senton!!
1...
2...
NO!!
Spencer staggers back up and walks right into a jump spinning back kick, right under the jaw! Down he goes, allowing J-MAX to position himself and follow up with a STANDING CORKSCREW MOONSAULT!!
COLE
Whatamove, count him ref!
1...
2...
SAVE BY COLIN!!
COLE
Whoo, how close was that? The LDC Moneygang a split second away from defeat if Colin hadn't been alert.
Colin beats on J-MAX with forearms but the Brit bites back, laying into Colin with a couple of jabs. With Spencer back up J-MAX fends off CMJ with some kicks to the body, then cracks both Spencer and then Colin with a hard kick to the quadracep. Both of the Moneygang are hobbled and J-MAX hits the ropes with both in his crosshairs, only for Colin to step forward and cut J-MAX off, snatching him up for a HARDVARDPLEX!!
"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The force rolls J-MAX to his feet for Spencer to follow up with a BRAINBUSTER!!
"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
COACH
Playtime's over, baby!
COLE
What a brutal pair of suplexes.
All fired up the Moneygang start shoving each other in the chest, trying to psych each other up a bit.
COLE
And the Moneygang have suddenly pulled their act together, it seems.
As Spencer runs Mariachi off the apron, Colin uses a short whip on J-MAX to reel him in and hang him across the top rope with the Cambridge Curse!! J-MAX lays hung over the top but is hauled right back off his feet by Colin, who hands him over to Spencer.
COACH
Here we go!
Together, with Colin still holding the legs and Spencer with the head, the LDC Moneygang turn J-MAX over. Colin holds him in a wheelbarrow, while Spencer hooks up the arms. And with a determined look on their faces, the LDC proceed to SPIKE J-MAX on his head with a devestating SPIKE REIGER COUNTER!!! Spencer flips J-MAX over and presses him into the mat while Colin aims a hard boot at Mariachi to send him back to the floor again...
1...
2...
3!!!!
*DINGDINGDING*
BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... THE L D C MMMOOOOOONNEEYYYY - GGAAAAAAAAANNGG!!!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Still seething and breathing heavily, Colin and Spencer have their hands raised in victory as they scowl at the crowd, almost daring them to laugh now.
COLE
This was no walk in the park for the former World Tag Team Champions. They almost, almost slipped up here tonight. But ultimately, once Colin and Spencer were finally able to get their heads in the game, they did enough to come away with the win.
COACH
With the odds stacked against them. You take away their concentration, forcing them to wrestle in women's clothes. You try and turn them into a laughing stock. Well, The LDC Moneygang are nobody's laughing stocks! And Krista and Alix ain't gonna keep these guys down forever.
Spencer kicks up some dust on J-MAX before he leaves, the Moneygang still worked up over their women's attire as they walk back up the ramp.
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Promo
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The thick Arab insturmentals of Khyber Pass rock into the jam packed arena. The hard driving beats bring out Logan Mann, clad in leather pants with a sword running down each side and Holly, attired in a long sleeve shirt with a dead angel on the front, black boy shorts and army boots. The couple enages in a steamy kiss that’s almost too hot for TV, as their bodyguard Quiz strikes a towering presence above them.
BUFFER
The following intergender tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making their way to the ring, accompanied by Quiz, they hail from Sin City, Nevada, they are LOGAN MANN AND the OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPION HOLLLLLYYYYYYYY!
COLE
Well, Logan and Holly are all set to take on PRL and Maggie Nerdly, and because of that Coach is nowhere to be found. Last week we saw PRL’s brother Victor make his debut, but now its big brother’s turn to get back on the winning track after missing out on the Money In The Bank briefcase at Anglemania.
The muscle bound Quiz takes up position on the outside, cracking his knuckles and scowling as any good bodyguard should do. In the ring Holly holds up her women’s title to the booing crowd, as Logan gives her a pleasurable shoulder massage.
"THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..."
*DUN DUN*
"...IS..."
*DUN*
"...HERE!"
The audience gets ready to “Know Your Role” as the classic entrance theme comes to life. The lights dim in the arena as The Latin Lion’s voice announces that the champ is indeed here. Smoke fills the entry way and white lights flash about the arena as the audience cheers at the top of their lungs. Emerging from parted entrance doors is Tha Puerto Rican, wearing a Puerto Rican flag as a cape as well as long red tights with the words Puerto written down the white in blocky letters. Hooked between his arms is the ultra cute Maggie Nerdly, looking spunky in a checkerboard mini skirt and 30 Seconds to Mars t-shirt. The two lovers SMELL THE ELECTRICITY before making their way to ringside.
BUFFER
And the opponents, first from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is a former OAOAST women’s champion….MAGGIE NEERRRRRDDLLYYYYYY! And her partner, he hails from San Juan Puerto Rico, he is a former OAOAST World Champion…..he is THA PUERTO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
COLE
A huge ovation as always for Tha Puerto Rican. He’s a beloved member of the OAOAST Galaxy, but he faces a tough opponent in three time tag team champion Logan Mann. And Maggie Nerdly gets her first taste of what awaits her at the Motor City Spectacular.
PR climbs to the second turnbuckle and once again SMELLS THE ELECTRCITY as Maggie flashes the RAWK hand signal to their adoring fanbase.
DING DING DING
PRL immediately brings the fight to Logan Mann with rock style punches. Mann braves these harsh attacks to launch a salvo of left hands and soon he’s overpowered The Latin Lion. This allows him to batter PRL’s back with clubbing forearms that force the former world champion into a neutrual corner. Trapped against the ring posts, PRL is defenseless and is easily choked by Mann. The Macho Macho Mann’s attack hurts mightly and Maggie worries at the sight of her injured boyfriend.
“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!”
FINALLY referee Earl Hebner calls for Logan to cease his illegal chokehold. Mann does so, but keeps the pressure on PRL with dangerous left jabs to the chin. He then takes a step back to taunt his opponent. This is a horribly poor idea as PRL claims sudden life and throws Logan into the corner. As the audience chants his name, PRL lights up Logan with rock style punches!
COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is going to town!
PRL hooks Logan into a front facelock, and lifts him into the air for vertical suplex. But Mann slides out the hold and winds up behind his rival. He reaches between his legs and drags him downwards with a school boy effort…
ONE!
TWO!
PRL finds his way out the pinfall, and quickly springs to his feet.
COLE
Close call!
PRL’s stabbed in the gut by Logan’s right boot and doubled over. This leads Mann to bounce off the ropes. When he returns he flattens PRL with an elbow strike to the jaw.
LOGAN
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Mann scoffs at the audience’s disdain and attempts a pinfall…
ONE!
TWO!
PRL makes another timely kickout. He scrambles to his feet but is thrown under fire by Logan’s wicked left hands. Mann whips his foe into the corner, and then connects with a rushing lariat. PRL falls to his knees, and Logan shoves him to the canvas for another pinfall…
ONE!
TWO!
PRL pops his shoulder off the canvas.
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as Quiz pounds his fist angrily against the canvas.
Logan grabs onto PRL’s right arm and begins bringing him to his feet. But PRL finds a second wind and begins peppering Mann with jabs. Sensing that his boss may be in grave danger, Quiz elevates himself onto the ring apron to shout at PRL. Unfortunatley for Quiz PRL isn’t the easy target he suspected him to be; The Latin Lion knocks him off the apron with one punch!
“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!”
COLE
You can’t keep Tha Puerto Rican down for very long that’s for sure. He’s one of the toughest superstars we’ve got in the OAOAST.
PRL sends Logan into the ropes and flings him to the canvas with a hiptoss. Mann quickly scurries back to his feet, only to be planted with a DDT! As Logan grapples with his pain, PRL SMELLS THE MOTHERFUCKING ELECTRICITY~!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
The audience is given further reasons to cheer as Maggie Nerdly is tagged into the contest. This brings out the perpetually dour Holly, who offers a few choice words to PRL.
COLE
Maggie and Holly set to meet up at Motor City Spectacular in just two weeks!
The RAWK chick launches herself forward and spears Holly to the canvas. The fans are delighted to see the beskirtted babes roll around on the canvas, tearing at each other’s hair. Finally the two roll to their feet and make a fitful exchange of elbow strikes. Holly gains the upperhand with a back hand slap that teeters Maggie. She then grabs onto the smaller girl’s bare arm and throws her into a corner. A lariat follows and Maggie staggers towards the center of the ring. While she’s dizzied, Holly runs the ropes and returns to take a fistful of her highlighted hair. She then shoots her body forward and slams Maggie to the canvas with a face crusher. A pinfall attempt is made…
ONE!
Maggie gets her shoulder off the canvas. Soon her whole body follows, but she’s thrown under heavy fire by Holly’s army boots kicking at her shins. With Maggie weakened, Holly snatches her inside a front facelock. She then lifts her off the canvas and dumps her downwards with a vertical suplex. Holly then rolls Maggie back to her feet with the front facelock still applied. From there she attempts another vertical suplex, but Maggie blocks it and shoves Holly away. Angered, Holly then charges forward with a lariat but is promptly sucked into a small package from the baby of the Nerdly family….
ONE!
TWO!
Quiz recovers in time to pull Holly out of the pinfall. This earns him a stern warning from the referee, but the stoic bodyguard doesn’t seem to care much about the possibilities of being thrown out the contest. Menawhile, Holly and Maggie are trading elbows in the center of the ring. Maggie gains a quick upper hand, which throws fear into Holly’s heart. Thus, she grabs onto Maggie’s mini skirt and pulls her forward to crash her arm into the corner posts.
COLE
Oh my! That was just nasty.
Holly mocks Maggie’s pain as PRL complains to the referee about the questionable attack. Holly then grabs Maggie’s highlighted hair and pulls her from the corner. She drags the Nerdly kid into a front facelock and then raises her into the air for a delayed vertical suplex.
COLE
Look at that strength!
Finally Holly bridges backwards and smashes Maggie’s back into the canvas. The Angel Of Death quickly floats over into a cover…
ONE!
TWO!
But Maggie makes the kickout! Frustrated, Holly rolls to her corner and applies the tag with her husband. This draws PRL into the ring and another loud reception awaits him. Mann, on the other hand, is less pleased to see PRL and spits at the former world champion. This enrages PRL, and he charges at Mann. But Mann hurriedly slides out the ring to avoid any harm that may befall him.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans deride Logan, who brushes them off with a wave of his hand. But his dismissive nature doesn’t deter PRL who dives out the ring to give chase to his foe. Mann quickly finds his way back into the squared circle, and when PRL rushes back he attacks the Latin Lion with a fist drop from his left hand.
COLE
Logan just suckered in The Latin Lion.
“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” the fans attempt to rally their fallen hero. But their cheers do nothing but fall on death ears, as Logan stomps his opponent out the ring. He even goes as far as to wave bye-bye to PRL.
“BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
More infuriating to the audience is that Logan drags Maggie into the center of the ring. The youngest Nerdly girl tries to fight her way free, as Holly applauds the torture that’s soon to come. Maggie can find no escape from Mann’s clutches as he traps her inside a front facelock. The finger twirl of doom is given, and Holly cackles with delight.
COLE
He wouldn’t!
He won’t as PRL returns to the ring to flatten Mann with a well timed lariat! The fans are overjoyed while Holly shrieks on the ring apron. PRL himself gets into an argumet with the referee over Maggie’s safety. This allows Logan to make a much needed tag to Holly, keeping Maggie trapped inside the ring. Holly taunts Maggie and slaps the girl in her cute face. She then scrapes her off the ring floor and throws her into the ropes. But as she returns, Maggie scores big with a diving elbow strike!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as PRL pumps his fist in celebration.
Maggie crawls into her corner where the outstretched hand of PRL awaits a tag. She slaps his hands and the fans once again go wild. Sighing to himself, Logan reenters the ring and makes a weak dash towards PRL. He’s taken off a feet with a back body drop, and then proceeds to be hammered by Rock style right hands. Logan tries to fight back with a swinging lariat, but PRL intercepts him with a boot to the gut and strikes him down with a snap ddt!
COLE
PRL is going to town on Logan Mann!
A pinfall is then attempted…
ONE!
TWO!
But Mann finds his way out the pinfall. Both competitors spring to their feet, with PRL attempting to strike first with a lariat. But Logan ducks the attack and connects with a neckbreaker that leaves PRL wounded on the canvas. He hasn’t much time to nurse his injuries before Logan throws him into the corner and batters his midsection with stomps from his white boots. The referee attempts to pull Logan away and gets slapped in the face by Holly for his troubles!
COLE
Automatic DQ!
Too fearful of the profanity spewing Holly, the referee meekly shies away and takes his slapping like a pure bitch. Logan taunts the poor official with mock slaps to the bemusement of the audience. But all this distraction gave PRL the opportunity to regain his lost strength and he assails Logan with his classic punches.
COLE
That’s the way Puerto Rican!
“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!”
PRL attempts to irish whip Mann, only to be reversed. Mann swings at PRL’s return with a lariat, but his has attack ducked. PRL skids to a quick halt and attempts to hit a side Russian leg sweep. But Mann counters that with a leg sweep of his own. He then drops on top of PRL for a pinfall…
ONE!
TWO!
A slow count aids PRL’s kickout efforts, but infuriates Holly and Logan.
COLE
These two have the nerve to be offended over a slow count after what they did to this poor official? Unbeliviable.
Logan rams PRL’s face into the ring posts in a neturual corner. He expects to be able to pummel him with violent left hands, but The Latin Lion shows tremendous fire and fights back with right hands. The attacks land with excellent power and force, pushing Mann to the center of the ring.
“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!”
The Latin Lion grabs onto Logan’s arm and throws him into the ropes. He lowers his head, believing that Mann will leapfrog him. However, he thinks wrong as Mann throws him down with a devastating neckbreaker.
COLE
Nobody throws a neckbreaker better than Logan Mann of The Heavenly Rockers. And I do mean nobody.
Mann smiles to the booing audience, causing them an infinite amount of anger. He then takes off to the ropes, seeking to come back with an elbow drop. But PRL kips-up and slams Mann to the canvas with a spinebuster! Mann screams out in agony, as the fans scream out in glee! PRL then steps to the head of Mann, causing the audience to rise to their feet in anticipation for The People’s Elbow!
COLE
Here it comes!
Here it doesn’t come as Holly low blows The Latin Lion!
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans are irate as they watch PRL hobble around the ring, wounded by the cheap attack.
COLE
Damn her! Damn her to hell!
Logan traps PRL inside a front facelock and offers the audience the finger twirl of doom!
“BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
COLE
The Percussion DDT is coming up, and no one kicksout of that!
PRL fights furiously to be free of the hold, and thrashes against his foe’s grip. He finally finds some success in double leg takedowning Mann to the ground. As the audience roots him on, he bridges backwards to slingshot the Macho Macho Mann towards Holly! The Angel Of Death attempts to dive out the way, but her movement is much too slow and Mann collides directly with her!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Mann staggers out the corner, as Holly begins to slowly find her way back to her feet. PRL’s focus is at first on Mann, who pounds with powerful right hands. Having weakened Logan with those attacks, PRL grabs onto his afro and throws him over the top rope!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans sing, as Holly stumbles towards PRL. The Latin Lion regards her with a contempting sneer as she attacks him with her usual tirade of profanities. Not willing to be talked to in such a manner, PRL wastes little time in nailing Holly with the PR Nightmare!
COLE
Oh my!
The former world champion sniffs the electricity in the air, as the sold out audience sings his name. He thinks about attempting a pinfall on Holly, however this train of thought is changed by the sight of his girlfriend begging for the tag.
COLE
And Maggie Nerdly wants into this contest!
PRL smiles a warm smile as he applies a tender tag to Maggie.
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Maggie heads to the top rope, where she removes her left pinstriped armband, and throws it to the roaring audience. She then leaps off the turnbuckles, forming the up yours hand gesture before connecting with a devastating elbow drop!
COLE
The People’s Elbow Drop! The People’s Elbow Drop!
Maggie hooks onto Holly’s bare legs for a pinfall as the referee slides into position…
ONE!
TWO!
QUIZ DIVES INTO THE RING TO TRY AND BREAK UP THE COUNT
THREE!!!!!
DING DING DING DING
BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall…MAGGIE NERDLY AND THA PUERTO RICAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Hugs and kisses are the order of the day as PRL and Maggie celebrate their hard won victory over wrestling’s most profane couple.
COLE
Maggie Nerdly pinning Holly tonight in New Orleans but will she have the same success in two weeks at the Motor City Spectacular live from Detroit? We’ll certainly find out!
COMMERCIAL
-
TAPED TUESDAY BY MOLLY NERDLY
Los Angeles, CA
We find Alix and Krista sitting outside in The Ivy restaurant, sipping on Mermosas.
ALIX
30 hours of community serivice. Totally unfair!
KRISTA
I don’t know how you can say that, you gave the lady a stone cold stunner.
ALIX
I sooooooooo had my hands on that purse first, she’s really lucky I didn’t rock bottom her through the lingerie counter. She really looked like she could use a good lace thong anyway.
KRISTA
I still can’t believe you have to speak at inner city schools in Compton.
ALIX
Dude, I can! You told the judge I hated black people!
KRISTA
He had a Hitler mustache! I thought for sure Sieg Hiel behind the bench would be rather sympathetic to that.
ALIX
Like, I still don’t really get why I have to go to rehab and stuff.
KRISTA
Uh, probably because you told the judge you were on crack!
ALIX
I had to swear on a stack of bibles, I had, like, no choice!
KRISTA
Oh, honey, what is the bible besides a heavy book to throw at us Jews?
From the distance the girls can see Josie, carrying a wealth of shopping bags, approaching them
ALIX
Woah! Hey, here comes Josie! Look sharp, team! Look sharp!
Josie situates her bags onto the ground and takes a seat next to Krista.
JOSIE
Hello, girls, hello, Molly.
MOLLY
Hi!
ALIX
I ain’t payin’ you to talk!
MOLLY
You aren’t paying me period.
ALIX
Exactly!
JOSIE
I must thank you again for the lovely trip to Los Angeles. Great shopping you have here! And furthermore the tours of the studios were fantastic. I met Jeff Goldblum!
KRISTA
How’s his job as a janitor at FOX coming?
JOSIE
And having Terry Taylor as my personal servant was a great touch.
KRISTA
He didn’t try to lick you did he?
MOLLY
They’re training him.
JOSIE
Only once.
ALIX
No milkbones for him tonight!
JOSIE
But let’s talk business. You didn’t invite me all the way to LA to play fetch with Terry at Griffith Park or to you tell you he needs a flea bath badly. So what do you want, girls?
ALIX KRISTA
A tag title shot The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club.
KRISTA
Heehehee. This is funny, Alix is a funny little lady. Like the time in Botany class she stood up and proclaimed that leaves fall off trees because they’re jumping off before the birds can eat them. Funny. Too funny. So funny I just want to do a funny little dance, while wearing a funny little hat.
ALIX
I’m being way serious! We lost the tag titles to a dude that jerked off on another dude on live TV and wrote a song about it, and the dude he came on! Now I’ve had a lot of guys jerk off on me-
KRISTA
ALIX
But nobody’s ever wrote a song about it! Well, not since My Sharona. Anyskittle, we were totally cheated out of our belts and we want them back.
KRISTA
Honey, don’t listen to her! She belly to belly suplexed an 85 year old lady through the bargain bin at Nordstrom’s. Listen to Krista, the simple, smart sane one, that won’t leave you explaining to reporters why you employ a woman who deals hardcore pornography to school children as a side job. We want the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club, and we want them bad.
JOSIE
Based on what they did to Maya?
KRISTA
Honey, absolutely. They humiliated my little girl, only I, as a good Jewish mother, can undercut and trample my children’s self esteem. Do you know what happens to people who humiliate my children? First I gingerly slice off their nipples, then I vulcanize them to create Hockey pucks, then I get a charming member of the Anaheim Ducks and I have him take a slap shot at their head with their vulcanized nipples. If it hits them they die, if it misses, well I carry a gun so I’ll just shoot them. Now you can save Rico and Lucius’ nipples and let us face them, or I can see which Mighty Duck is up for some street hockey.
ALIX
Um, like, at the risk of having my nipples, which are erect by the way, used in the Stanley Cup playoffs, I wanna speak. I know it really sucks what happened to Maya, but Yosemite Sam and Butch Cassidy are running around with our tag team titles and that’s even suckier!
JOSIE
Okay, I’ve heard both arguments and before you run out of jokes I’ll tell you what I’m going to be doing. I think you’ll both like what I’ve come up with. Krista, you’ve got the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club at Motor City Spectacular, and Alix, if you beat them, then you’ve got a tag title shot at The Lonestar Gunslingers at School’s Out. Girls, is that fair?
KRISTA AND ALIX
Fair!
MOLLY
Splendid, now lets dine!
ALIX
I ain’t paying you to eat either!
ALL
-
-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
We cut from the opening vid straight to Sofa Central where Michael Cole and Johnathan Coachman wait to call the action as it happens live on HeldDOWN~!
COLE
Folks, welcome to New Orleans! It is time for another exciting edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole-
COACH
And I'm the poor son of a bitch forced to sit next to this jackass. I hate my life. I hate this company. I HATE THIS WORLD!
The crowd pops as “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down hits.
COLE
As Tim Cash and One & Only World tag team title co-holder Baron Windels make their way to the ring, let’s take you back to last week. It was just after Mister Dick had explained his side of the whole tag title change controversy that tempers flared between him and the man he’ll defend the OAOAST Championship against at the Motor City Spectacular, Tim Cash.
BARONHey Jock, you don’t have to explain anything to me, man. The video backed up your story. But you know, with all the controversy and stuff, I think it’s only right we give COD a rematch to put any doubts to rest.
MISTER DICK
Rematch?!?
BARON
ASAP.
MISTER DICK
(to Cash)
This is your idea, isn’t it?
CASH
MISTER DICK
You can’t handle the fact I did in ONE NIGHT what you couldn’t do in ONE YEAR… and that’s carry BW to tag team gold.
Cash decks MD!
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”
COLE
That was too much for the mild manner Tim Cash to handle.
Malaysia lunges towards Cash but is restrained by BW. When Cash turns to see the fuss behind him MD attacks.
COACH
We got all hell breaking loose, Mikey Cole.
OAOAST officials rush the ring as BW desperately tries to get MD off Cash. It’s only until Malaysia intervenes that order is restored.
Back live in the arena, Cash motions for the crowd to pipe down. Kindly of course.
CASH
Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I have something to get off my chest. Last week I let my emotions get the best of me and not only embarrassed myself, the OAOAST but also my dear friend Baron Windels. Rather than discuss things in a civil matter I chose to act out in violence. So at this time I want to publicly apologize to the entire OAOAST Galaxy, the OAOAST itself and Baron Windels for my inexplicable behavior. I’d also like to apologize to Mister Dick. Like me I’m sure he regrets his choice of words as well last week.
“Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue blasts through the speakers and Mr. Dick marches ringside accompanied by Malaysia.
COLE
We’ve got company, Coach. And not just anybody, but the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion himself.
MD pulls a microphone out of his crotch.
COACH
Sorry Cole. Mister Dick had a mic in his pants. He wasn’t happy to see you.
COLE
(sarcastically)
I’m crushed.
MISTER DICK
Tim Cash, I accept your apology. But I don’t regret a damn thing I said.
CASH
MISTER DICK
Like they say, the truth hurts. Your cheap shot last week proved it. Although I gotta admit, I was pretty impressed. I didn’t think you had the balls.
BARON
Damnit, Jock. I thought we agreed to bury the hatchet?
MISTER DICK
It’s 6 feet under BW. I just want his scrawny ass to know we’re two different people. See, I ain’t afraid to thumb somebody in the eye or do whatever it takes to win. What you see is what you get. Kissing babies and helping little old bags across the street ain’t my deal, but pounding ass in and out of the ring is.
COACH
I bet you know a thing or two about getting your ass pounded, Cole. *laughs*
MISTER DICK
And next week we’re gonna pound some ass in 6-man action, no homo. And when we come out on top, it’s gonna be as the new 6-man tag team champions.
COLE
The Cucaracha Kingdom vs. Mr. Dick, Baron Windels and Tim Cash for the 6-man tag titles here next week!?!
MISTER DICK
Before we start thinking about next week though, BW and I gotta worry about tonight. See, I thought over what you said last week. You know, putting to rest any doubts people had about the way we won the tag titles by giving them the match they all want to see. Well I can’t think of any better time than tonight.
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
COACH
Are you kidding me?
COLE
It’s gonna happen live tonight.
MD and Malaysia exit, but only after BW assures MD giving the people what they want is the right thing to do. Citizen Soldiers then play to the crowd as we go to break.
LATER TONIGHT
SKIRTS, MASKS AND QUEERS
LDC MONEYGANG VS J-MAX AND MARIACHI
TONIGHT!
COMMERCIAL
-
OAOAST Syndicated!
With
SIDEKICK MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD
AND
HOST ALIX MARIA SPEZIA
Brought to you by American Express
***Malaysia Nerdly -VS- Jessica Haynes***
An easy and, of course, enjoyable night of things for Malaysia. The OAOAST's most dominant straight female made light work of her out-matched opponent. Not quick work, though, Malaysia opting to drag things out after having the match seemingly won within the first 20 seconds. Malaysia stretched and beat on Jessica, soaking in every second. Only difference being, the crowd seemed to enjoy it as much as she did. Eventually Malaysia put poor Jessica out of her misery with a hard powerbomb, turned into the Inverted Boston Crab for the submission.
Winner: Malaysia Nerdly, via submission
Maya and Alix sat down for an interview with Lucius Soul and Rico DeJaneiro. It wasn’t so much an interview as it was an argument between Maya and The Hellfire Club. Maya complained that Soul and Rico cost her a perfect 4.0 average, and that she only got a B because she promised her Krista obessed teacher she could get him one of her mother’s bikinis. Rico and Soul doth protested! They claimed they were there to spread a message of hope from Landon Maddix to the youth that desperately needed it. Maya doth protested as well! She claimed that no one in a school who’s parents make an average of over $500,000 a year would follow someone who ran a company out of business then paraded around with said company’s title belts and pretended like nothing happened. Rico and Lucius refused to hear these insults and stormed off the set.
***Mariachi Vs Quiz W/Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly***
This is the feud that never ends! It just goes on and on and on until I get bored or the fed closes down. Why I envision a series of Anglemania matches between…oh yeah the match. Mariachi started out hot taking the fight to Quiz, and giving the big man a run for his money. But Quiz’s strength allowed him to seize the advantage and the two brawled about the ring with Quiz dominating. Mariachi’s speed paid dividens, however, as he was able to score several near falls on an alarmed Quiz. The Canadian slowed things down with a few basic submission holds. However, Mariachi refused to give in to the anguish. His resillencey earned him the opportunity to gain the upperhand, and he brought a flurry of attacks to Quiz’s doorstep. Eventually the match spilled outside, where Quiz’s power dominated over Mariachi. But the smaller grappler acted out desperation and drove Quiz through the announce table with a tornado DDT. This caused a DQ, but Mariachi celebrated as though he had won.
Winner: Quiz, via DQ
Backstage Felix Sturtter and Lindsay Gonzalez cut a quick promo on Christian Wright, Felix's upcoming opponent. Felix promised to end Christian Wright's unbeaten streak and to do so in record time. He claimed the only reason CW was undefeated was because he hadn't faced him yet. All that was set to change tonight, or today, or this afternoon or whenever the hell this program airs check your local listings for time and date plz.
***Christian Wright/Lorelei DeCenzo Vs Felix Strutter W/Lindsay Gonzalez***
Before the match CW offered Felix five thousand dollars in cash to lie down for the pinfall. Felix was incensed and refused the offer, but Lindsay interjected and excepted on his behalf. Bitches love them some cash, what can I say. Wright was then able to advance his unbeaten streak for the low low price of five thousand dollars. What a baragian! He could’ve bought a car, a TV, a Blu Ray player, instead he bought a win over a lower midcarder.
Winner: Christian Wright, via pinfall
Elsewhere backstage D*LUX and Jade tried to calm down Maya. She wasn't having any of it, however, as she ranted and raved about Rico and Lucius. She promised that once she was deemed old enough to wrestle, they'd be the first two people to get their ass kicked by her! Jade was the voice of reason and told Maya to let their mother and Alix take care of the Hellfire Club.
***James Blonde w/Faqu -VS- Danny Boy w/Scottish Scott***
The main event pitted The Cucaracha Kingdom's "Prince Of Panache" against one half of the team exiled from the Kingdom, The Last Kings Of Scotland. Fighting for the King's pride Blonde came out of the blocks quickly. And, failed, miserably. Danny Boy beat the tar out of Blonde for the first few minutes of the match, taking out some of his frustrations on King Landon's second in command. It took a desperate hangjob across the top rope to get Blonde into the match. At which point, the panache took over. Blonde preened and posed at every opportunity, preventing him from actually beating Danny Boy, merely having the upperhand for a while. The mohawked Scot predictably came back. At the finish, all hell would break loose. Blonde managed to lowbridge Danny Boy outside. But when Faqu started to move in to attack, Scottish Scott squared up to the Samoan and the two bigmen began to brawl around ringside! This massive battle brought out TONS of officials to try and break it up. With little success. All this served as a distraction to the match itself, until after a minute or two of non-action, Danny Boy rolled in, spun Blonde around and delivered a Back To Front Tombstone Piledriver to pick up the victory!
Winner: Danny Boy, via pinfall
With the match over, the task at hand became seperating the two wild savages at ringside, the crowd urging the officials to let them fight and Syndicated going off the air before any order could be restored.
-
Leon stays outsmarting Josie. She ain't got nothin on ol boy. Good promo right there, very intense. I can't wait to see how this story develops.
Now that's how you make a debut. lol at the jobber getting no reaction, poor guy. I wonder if Victor will be able to live up to his brother's lofty legacy, or will jealousy come between the two.
Fun little match between the BBs and the CAE. Biff's superhero gimmick continues to entertain. He needs a sidekick, maybe a dog with superpowers or some far out shit like that. The CAE and Biff are a little out numbered if they wanna take on the GGM's however. Majorly outnumbered!
heheheheeh tea bag the OAOAST galaxy. Good shit, and a good promo at that.
@ Tim Cash punching Mister Dick! Never thought that'd happen! That's a bit surprising. I wonder if that could set up Cash Vs Malaysia before the MCS.The OCC beat that ass! Good to see Tony got a match in. He always forgets to have Molly out there with Ned and Simon!
Poor Morgan
Leon had to lay down some unfair tough love. He's a such a mean man! Excellent segment though. I liked how he made Morgan cry, I mean I didn't like it like oh hahahahah he made her cry, but I liked it as a nice touch.lol@ Esther kissing Landon on the hand, these two make an entertaining couple! This was a very good and well written mainevent.
-
It returns! It makes its devestating, earth shattering return! Does any one need it this week?
-
We're in New Orleans, home of Popeyes chicken and Lucius Soul! I prefer KFC and Rico, but what do I know?
If i have time: Logan Mann and Holly Vs Maggie Nerdly, and PRL
-
A really well done show. I guess delaying it a few days wasn't such a bad idea! Nice stuff here.
-
BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall and it is for the OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPIONSHIP!!
"Parade Of The Charioteers" trumpets out through the arena and there's a revolt in the stands as the King heads to the ring! Booed by his public, King Landon extends his hands to the skies as golden sparks fall behind him and his Queen!
BUFFER
Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied to the ring by QUEEN ESTHER!! Hailing from the Kingdom of Madrid, Spain... he weighs two hundred, eight pounds. He is the leader of the CUCARACHA KINGDOM and one third of the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions... The 2010 OAOAST King Of The Ring ... KKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGG... LLAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOOONN... MMMMMMAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The King and Queen link arms as they walk to the ring, waving obliviously to the fans. As they reach the ring Landon holds the Queen's hand on her way up the steps, Esther holding the ropes open for the King to spin himself and his purple robe into the ring theatrically. Landon disrobes, revealing a similarly regal purple and gold version of his old tights.
COACH
And lo, the King did look swank as all hell.
COLE
A chance tonight for Landon Maddix to win his first singles gold in two and a half years.
COACH
Hold up. One, he's been concentrating on building an Internacional empire and now a Kingdom. Two, the last belt he held was the World Title. And three, he's the King Of The Ring. Bow down, show some proper respect.
COLE
...I wasn't trying to criticise.
As King and Queen parade around the ring, they're rudely interrupted by "Master Blaster (Jammin')". To a much warmer reaction, Denzel Spencer bounds out and sets off the green and yellow pyrotechnics before heading to the ring.
BUFFER
And his opponent. From Montego Bay, Jamaica... weighing two hundred, twenty five pounds. The reigning and defending OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... DDEEEEEENNZZZZZZEEEEEEELLLLLL... SSSSSPPPEEEEEENNCCCEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!
"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
As Denzel slides into the ring, Landon and Esther take a powder and talk things over from the safety of the arena floor.
COLE
Denzel, who was involved in that hellacious Money In The Bank match at AngleMania IX. And what a hellacious move he put on his old rival Sandman9000 in that one... a Carribean Compactor, off the apron, through a ladder. You have to wonder if Denzel's back to 100% yet.
COACH
Doesn't matter. He'll need to be 150% to beat the King, at least.
The referee takes the title belt from Denzel and holds it up for the fans. He asks Landon to come back inside for the pre-match rituals, but he declines.
COLE
You know, he could do that same move to Landon tonight. No disqualifications in the Heartland division.
COACH
Does the King know about this!?
*DINGDINGDING*
Finishing up their conversation, Queen Esther kisses King Landon on the hand before he enters the battle.
COLE
Shouldn't that be the other way around?
COACH
Shush!
Landon strolls up to Denzel with a big smile on his face. The Jamaican responds by cracking the King across the face with a slap!
"YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
To the delight of the crowd Denzel unloads on Landon with a flurry of right hands in the corner. Landon gets beaten down to a seated position and Denzel wheels away, fired up, spotting Queen Esther nearby and shouting something at her too.
COACH
You don't shout at the Queen! How dare he!
Denzel picks Landon up in the corner, dishing out a european uppercut. And another one. Irish whip is reversed on Denzel though, sending him towards the turnbuckles. Denzel leaps onto the middle rope to save himself, then fakes on a leap backwards, causing Landon to dive for cover! Unaware that Denzel is still on the ropes King Landon taps his temple, until his Queen urges him to turn around and Denzel connects with a flying crossbody!!
1...
2...
Kickout!
Trying to cut Denzel off, Landon runs right into an armdrag! Headlong, he then runs into a second armdrag! The King is smart enough to learn his lesson and turns away from a third armdrag. But again he points to his head instead of concentrating on the match and when he turns around, Denzel is waiting...
*SLAP!*
"WHOOOOOOOO!"
...with a knifedge chop!
COACH
Be strong, Landon. Strong like a King!
*SLAP!*
"AAAAAAHHHH!"
COACH
Dangit.
*SLAP!*
"AAAAAAHHHH!"
As the King yelps in pain Denzel grabs him by the head, running him face-first into the turnbuckles. The Jamaican scales up and plays to the crowd...
"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FIVE!"
"SIX!"
"SEVEN!"
"EIGHT!"
"NINE!"
Denzel milks the tenth punch though and gets picked up, backdropped over the top rope. Landing safely with both feet on the apron, Spencer sends his shoulder through the ropes, catching the King in the stomach. Landon staggers away and Denzel goes to the air again, springboarding to the top. The King takes a step backwards though and catches Denzel in the ribs with a dropkick as he lands! Cover...
1...
2...
No!
COLE
Well that actually was a smart move by Landon. And for once, he didn't follow it up by pointing to his head and gloating.
COACH
Yeah, hopefully he can put that right in a second or two.
Taking advantage, Landon stomps away on Denzel, then sits him up and cracks him with a kick to the spine. Denzel writhes in pain and King Landon takes the time to pantomime a bow for the crowd.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
COACH
There, that's better!
Denzel picks himself up in the corner in this time and is waiting for Landon, firing a boot into his gut. And a second one. Turning the tables, Denzel places Landon in the corner and dishes out some more right hands, then goes for a whip. Maddix reverses though and Denzel hits the turnbuckles hard. The King gets a smile on his face, but then runs right into a raised boot! Up to the middle rope, Denzel is grabbed before he can capitalise, dragged off the ropes with a hard landing on the back of his head!
"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Coming over, the Queen offers some encouraging words to the King and he turns around to cover Denzel...
1...
2...
No!
This time it's Landon to the middle rope, measuring Denzel before bringing a clubbing blow down across the back of the head.
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
COLE
And here in our nation's capital, no love being shown for the would-be monarchy!
King Landon tries not to get worked up by the chants. Queen Esther however, forced to cover her gentle ears. Whipping Denzel to the ropes Maddix busts out a Dropsault, cramming back the words of some of the fans. Leg hook...
1...
2...
Kickout!
COACH
How can these people boo and taunt such a great, noble athlete?
Pulling the Champ back up Landon dishes out some forearms, backing him against the ropes. After a little téte a téte with the referee Landon then tries for a whip, but is reversed by Denzel. Coming back, Landon manages to float over a scoop attempt, landing on his feet behind the Jamaican. A mule kick by Denzel doubles the King up. But as Denzel hits the ropes, Landon follows him in and rocks him with a forearm smash right on the rebound!
COLE
Landon was right on Denzel's tail with that one!
With Denzel dazed, Landon drags him out into the middle of the ring. Setting up a neckbreaker he falls to one knee, dropping Spencer's head across the other! Cover...
1...
2...
No!
King Landon puts his hands on his hips, with a disapproving look at the referee.
COACH
Watch yourself pal. You want to spend a night in the dungeons?
COLE
Landon doesn't have a dungeon, does he?
COACH
He's a King! Of course he has a dungeon. All kings have dungeons. What a stupid question.
Fed up, Landon exits the ring and heads for the timekeeper's table. But he stops when Queen Esther applauds him and gushes over his abilities, making Landon too guilty to even think about grabbing a weapon. So he goes back inside and stomps on Denzel some more.
COLE
Not sure what Landon was thinking there.
Maddix picks Denzel back up and whips him into the corner. Pointing out to the Queen he then runs in, hitting a leaping forearm smash!
COACH
Alright King!
As Queen Esther looks on approvingly, Landon steps onto the middle rope. He soaks in the boos of the crowd as he waits for Denzel to turn around, coming off the second rope with a Front Missile Dropkick!! Practically giddy at this point the Queen jumps up and down as Landon goes for the cover...
1...
2...
Kickout!
Looking even more frustrated, King Landon rolls out of the ring and this time makes it to the timekeeper's table. He grabs a chair and starts to turf out the timekeeper, only to catch sight of his Queen again. Seeing her pride, he SHAKES THE TIMEKEEPER'S HAND, then picks up a bottle of water and takes a healthy swig before getting back in the ring. On the way he gives the Queen a thumbs up, but seems secretly annoyed.
COACH
Ah, nothing like a quick break for refreshments.
COLE
And that was nothing like a quick break for refereshments. Landon was looking for a weapon. And for some reason, he changed his mind.
COACH
Slander! Treason! The King doesn't need any weapons, he's no thug, like those traitors he had kicked out of the Kingdom were!
As Landon goes to pick Denzel up again, the Jamaican springs to life and shrugs off Landon to hit a right hand! Another one! And another! Firing back on the King, Denzel whips him to the ropes and hits a high spinning back elbow, getting the crowd on their feet! Suddenly the Queen is looking on with shock, as Denzel connects with a high standing dropkick!
"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"
COLE
I think Landon could use a weapon right about now!
Whipped into the corner Landon is hit with a corner body splash and staggers out into the middle of the ring. On the hop, Denzel catches the King ducking his head and pulls him down with a sunset flip...
1...
2...
No!
Back up, Landon throws a wild right hand and is caught in a crucifix!
1...
2...
No!
The King backs into a corner and tries to lure Denzel in, but the Jamaican catches his foot. Throwing it down, he unloads with right hands, before whipping Landon across the ring. King Landon avoids danger by floating up and over out of the corner though.
COACH
Ah-ha!
As Denzel turns around, he gets caught with a boot to the gut. Pleased with himself, Landon takes a moment to relax before whipping Denzel off the ropes. This time it's Denzel who floats out of a scoop slam attempt though, landing on his feet. Quickly, Denzel hooks Maddix in a waistlock, running him into the ropes. Hanging on, Landon counters the roll-up and as Denzel tries to roll through, he gets caught with the LOW FLYING SUPERKI... NO! Denzel dodges and catches Landon with a schoolboy rollup!!
COLE
Denzel was ready for it this time!
1...
2...
Kickout!!
"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Scrambling back up, Landon runs right into a leg lariat! Another cover.
1...
2...
No!
Rolling out of the ring Denzel doesn't waste any time like his challenger, heading for the timekeeper's table and bringing in a steel chair.
QUEEN ESTHER
COACH
Look at this cheat!
COLE
It's all legal, Coach. Landon had his chance to grab a chair and he didn't.
COACH
Yeah, because he's a man of nobility and morals, unlike Denzel!
Sliding back in Denzel waits for King Landon to get back up, the Queen protesting from the outside. Denzel lines Landon up and attempts to crown him with the chair... but Landon ducks! Spun around from the force of his own swing Denzel is left off-balance and Landon quickly kicks the chair back up into his face!!
COACH
HAHA! Beautiful, King! Beautiful!
As the chair goes flying, Landon capitalises, driving Denzel face-first with a quick Complete Shot! Cover...
1...
2...
NO!
Landon gets back to his feet... and suddenly, the chair slides right into his toe, courtesy of Queen Esther!
COLE
What happened there, Coach?
COACH
Magic.
That's all the approval the King needs from his Queen and he smirks as he picks up the steel chair, waving Denzel back to his feet. As soon as Denzel is up Landon then rears back and takes a big swing with the chair... DUCKED! And Landon finds himself up on Denzel's shoulders in the process! Eyes bugging out, the King wails out in terror as he's spun around in the dreaded AIRPLANE SPIN by the Heartland Champion!
COACH
Somebody help the Queen, I think she's going to faint! Delicate women like her get dizzy real easy, you know.
After about six revolutions Denzel sets King Landon down. Wobbly legged, Landon still has the chair in his hands. Unlucky for him, as Denzel DROPKICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO HIS FACE!!!!
"YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"
Cover by Denzel...
1...
2...
NO!
Picking the chair back up, Denzel sets it in the middle of the ring. Grabbing Landon by the hair he then rams him face-first into the open seat a couple of times, leaving him dazed over the chair.
COLE
Welcome to your throne for the evening, King Landon.
Off the ropes Denzel then leaps, looking to Scissor Kick Landon down into the chair... but Landon moves out of the way! Picking Denzel up in a fireman's carry the King then positions him near the chair, drawing worried boos from the crowd.
COLE
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
COACH
GTS on the chair!
But as Landon throws Denzel up, the Jamaican miraculously manages to turn it into a VICTORY ROLL!!
1...
2...
NO!!
COLE
OH how close! What an amazing counter from Denzel, unbelievable body control!
Both men are up and Landon kicks Denzel back towards the chair, then takes a run up. Denzel ducks his head though and backdrops the King right over the chair! Holding his back, Landon picks himself up and Denzel sets himself. He hits the ropes, then uses the chair as a launchpad to throw himself at the King... BUT LANDON DUCKS!! Denzel flying forearm goes astray and he lands throat-first on the middle rope, bounced back up to Landon who hooks on an inverted facelock and hits the LANDON EYE!!
COLE
A miscue from Denzel! And are we going to crown a new Heartland Champion!?
1...
2...
KICKOUT!
The King pouts and paces around the ring, hands on hips.
"DEN - ZEL!"
"DEN - ZEL!"
"DEN - ZEL!"
"DEN - ZEL!"
Bouyed by the crowd, Denzel starts to pick himself back up. Landon kicks the chair aside and lies in wait for the Jamaican. When, suddenly, he notices JAMES BLONDE rushing to the ring, carrying the SCEPTER!
COLE
Wait a minute, what is this goofball doing out here?
COACH
Goofball!? That's the Prince Of Panache!
COLE
Exactly!
Blonde gets Landon's eye and then tosses in the scepter, giving the King the thumbs up! Landon returns the favour... but, although the thumb stays up, the colour slowly drains out of his face as he looks up behind Blonde, to see THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND on the stage... and NATHANIEL BLACK in between them!!
"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
COACH
Oh no! SECURITY! GUARDS! SOMEONE!
Frozen in shock for a moment, Landon suddenly spots Denzel back up and turns around, but before he can even think about using the scepter he's hit with a boot to the gut sending it flying! Off the ropes, Denzel then delivers the SCISSORS KICK, wiping the King out! Blonde freaks out and jumps onto the apron, trying to save his King. But Denzel spots him and knocks him back down to the arena floor with a dropkick!!
COLE
There goes "the prince"!
Denzel acts quickly, dragging Landon into position. The Queen is horrified but dare not jump in and intervene with the British thugs looking on the from the stage. And she can only watch as Denzel comes off the top with the KINPUPPALICK!!!
COLE
And there may go the King!
1...
2...
3!!!!!!
COLE
Yes! Denzel Spencer, retains!
COACH
Oh, Esther! A travesty!
*DINGDINGDING*
BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... DDEEEENNZZZZEEEELLLL... SSSSPPEEEEENNCCCEEEEERRRRRR!!!!
"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Small satisfaction for Black and The Last Kings, they look on just as miserably as before, as Denzel claims his Heartland Title belt. He is of course much more satisfied, jumping to the turnbuckles and raising the title in the air for the crowd.
COLE
Sweet revenge for Denzel Spencer, here tonight on HeldDOWN. He may not be the King, but tonight, he was the king of this ring! And he's still the Heartland Champion.
As Denzel celebrates the Queen tends to her King, helping him out of the ring with the assistance of James Blonde. But they delay over helping him to the back with Black and The Last Kings still watching on, leaving the Kingdom with nowhere to go.
COACH
Get these hooligans out of here, the King needs medical assistance!
COLE
I think the King may need to watch his back. There's a royal revolt brewing. And the revolters are watching him, very, very carefully!
The Brits continue to look on, with Denzel's celebrations fading us out of HeldDOWN.
GOOD NIGHT, AMERICA
-
We elsewhere backstage, keeping an eye on Leon Rodez and his stolen Money In The Bank briefcase. He stands, staring down at the case, when suddenly he's grabbed in a bearhug from behind by an excitable Morgan Nerdly. Leon turns around and just looks down at her, gripping onto him for dear life.
MORGAN
Thank you thank you thank you, I knew you'd be back to help me!
Leon peels Morgan off of him.
LEON
I'm sorry, what?
MORGAN
You... y-you came back! And you're going to get my title back. Like you said earlier... right?
LEON
When did I say that?
MORGAN
When you told Josie, about what she did to me, how she ruined my great moment beating Crystal, how she was wrong and how you were going to take it to OAOAST management and make them change things and give me my belt back becau...
Leon reaches out and puts his hand over Morgan's mouth, enough to get her to shut up. He waits for a few seconds until he's sure that Morgan has stopped talking before slowly taking the hand away, looking her dead in the eyes.
LEON
What happened to you has nothing to do with what I said earlier. Okay.
MORGAN
Bu-but you sai...
LEON
No. Everything I said was to make sure I get to keep this. *pats briefcase* That's what's important. Josie's not going to open that can of worms. She's not that stupid. You should know that. After all... she outsmarted you. Didn't she. What do I keep telling you? Don't.. trust.. anyone. And yet, what did you do? You took her on her word. You won your match and you started celebrating. Like you thought you'd beaten her. And then what happens? Somebody who's not supposed to be there comes down and beats you? Boo-hoo. I've had that happen to me twice now. And I'm still trying to make things right. I had to learn the hard way. So do you. You didn't listen to me. So why should I help you? You lost the belt. You're going to have to deal with it.
Morgan looks crushed, but chokes back her tears and grasps Leon's hand.
MORGAN
I'm sorry I didn't listen... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't listen, I am.
Rolling his eyes, Leon wraps an arm around Morgan, who buries herself into his chest sobbing.
LEON
Maybe next time, you will then.
COMING UP NEXT
HEARTLAND TITLE
LANDON MADDIX VS DENZEL SPENCER
THE MAINEVENT
COMMERCIAL
-
We come back from break to the backstage area to find
MAGGIE NERDLY prepping the set of the relaunched and revamped AfterParty. She’s in an incredibly good mood, until she hears the wailing voice of Logan Mann blasting through the room.
LOGAN (singing)
Tell me when it’s gonna end? When its gonna end? I’m runnin, runnin, runnin, runnin! When its gonna end? When its gonna end? Runnin, runnin, runnin! I lost all my money, I lost all my friends, I can’t find my direction. Where’s my finish line?
MAGGIE
Hey, can you knock it off, man?
LOGAN
Knock what off?
MAGGIE
What ever the hell you’re doing!
LOGAN
Singing?
MAGGIE
You call that singing! I thought you were choking on a chicken bone! I thought Jumbo was having a hernia when I first heard you.
LOGAN
Yeah, yeah, shut up, Nerdly kid. Just shut it for one little second. I’m singing the music of the gods for the peasants. I am an instrument of the lord, and my notes are his gospel, so sayeth Abdullah Abir Nerdly. Who are you, little one, to turn down the volume on the message of his holiness?
MAGGIE
I’m trying to set up for Afterparty. I ain’t got no help, no Production Assistants, its just me by myself and you sounding like a dying squirell, man!
HOLLY
Someone’s gonna (beep) die alright.
LOGAN
Now you’ve done it. What the devil reaps is what the devil has sowed! Get ‘em, honey!
HOLLY
You prissy uptight little bitch. You always seem to be where you aren’t wanted. Around my husband first off and second off in a (beep) title match at the Motor City Spectacular. You and me, one on one for the women’s title? It doesn’t make a (beep) bit of (beep) sense, if you ask me.
MAGGIE
What are you sayin'?
LOGAN
You don’t deserve this title belt, Margaret. That's what's being said.
MAGGIE
And this chick does? She won it after my sister went through the most grueling match of her life, and she only got it because of a BS grudge.
HOLLY
But I still got it, (beep)head. I still got it. And you don’t and you never (beep) will. Just answer me a question, who’s (beep) did you have to swallow to get your title shot? Anglesault? Jesse Ventura? Or was it a whole orgy, my little whore?
SLAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Holly goes reeling back, stumbling into Logan’s arms.
LOGAN
I think this calls for a percussion!
HOLLY
(Beep) right it does.
As a crowd gathers around to see what’s soon to be a heated fight, PRL emerges onto scene. He pushes his way through the spectators and stands tall in front of his ready to brawl girlfriend.
PRL
What was that, Logan? What does this call for?
LOGAN
Now here’s another guy coming around where he’s not wanted. The Latin Lion making his monthly appearance on HeldDOWN~! Hooray! I should write a song about this grand appearance. This had nothing to do with you, Edward, but if you want to interject yourself then I guess I better teach you a lesson about minding your manners and your business. Next week all four of us, let’s get in that ring and let’s settle things.
PRL smirks and nods his agreement before Logan ushers himself and Holly away.
-
"Slither" by Velvet Revolver blasts through the speakers as former tag team champions Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard head to the ring.
BUFFER
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from Seattle, Washington... TERRY VALENTINE! His partner, from Memphis, Tennessee... JERRY PRESLEY!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
VALENTINE & PRESLEY
BUFFER
And their opponents… from Orange County, California, total combine weight 460 pounds, 3-time former World tag team champions... SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Simon acknowledges the crowd while Ned is all business. Off come the vests and we're ready for action.
* DINGDINGDING *
Valentine grabs a side headlock on Simon and is quickly shoved off into the ropes, the victim of a hip toss on the rebound. Following a dropkick the O.C. Cobras tag. Simon executes a drop toehold as Ned drives the ELBOW into the back of the head!
COLE
Beautiful double-team work right there. You know Simon and Ned would love to get another crack at the One & Only World tag team championship currently held by Mr. Dick and Baron Windels.
Ned rams Valentine into the top buckle, then STOMPS A MUDHOLE AND WALKS IT DRY!
COACH
The Handsome Hustler showing some fire tonight. I haven't seen him this aggressive in a while.
Back elbow levels Valentine, who immediately tags out. His partner isn’t anymore successful. Ned makes short work of Presley and tags Simon. A double whip is followed by THE DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK!
COLE
Get ready Michael Buffer. This one is about to be over.
Ned slams Presley mid-ring, then launches Simon off the top!
COACH
Atomic Blond!
The cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!!
* DINGDINGDING *
BUFFER
Here are your winners… THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
COLE
Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard make short work of Terry Valentine and Jerry Presley on HeldDOWN~!
COACH
They never stood a chance, Cole. The O.C. Cobras meant business tonight.
COLE
We'll be back!
COMMERCIAL
-
We return to live action where “Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue hits and Mr. Dick heads to the ring draped in championship gold, Malaysia by his side.
BUFFER
Introducing one-half of your ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS and the current undisputed HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Once inside the squared circle MD and Malaysia are showered with golden pyro.
COLE
The OAOAST Galaxy still buzzing about last week’s tag title match; how they changed hands in particular.
COACH
The guy’s name is Mister Dick, Cole. What did people expect, for him to all of a sudden become a Tim Cash-clone? He’d never win another match!
MD stares at himself on the AngleTron, microphone in hand.
MISTER DICK
Mr. T, eat your heart out. Nobody’s ever made wearing this much gold look so good. But I’m not out here to pity that fool. *laughs* I’m here to teabag everybody in the OAOAST Galaxy questioning where I stand after last week. See, I pinned Krista Isadora Duncan yet again right smack in the middle of the ring. First time it was break her unpinned streak in singles competition, and the second time was to capture the One & Only World tag team championship.
COLE
Along with Baron Windels, I might add.
MISTER DICK
Apparently this has Krista’s panties in a bunch, not to mention some in the “OAOAST Galaxy.” Let’s take a look to see why.
OAOAST HeldDOWN~!
LAST WEEK
MD sets Krista for THE COCK BLOCK, but she floats over and hits THE CODEBREAKER!COLE
KIDology!
The cover but no count as the ref is busy trying to breakup Alix/BW. This allows Malaysia to sneak in and whack Krista with her CAT O’NINE TAILS.
NO!!
Tim Cash slides in and yanks it away.
COACH
What does that idiot think he’s doing?
COLE
Trying to keep the playing field leveled, that’s what.
Krista spots Cash with the whip and confronts him. Cash denies any ill intent but Krista doesn’t buy it, especially with Malaysia at his side. Mr. Dick then sees the whip in Krista’s possession and kicks her low, which he follows with THE COCK BLOCK!
MD covers Krista in compromising fashion as Malaysia takes Cash out with her.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!!
MISTER DICK
As the video clearly shows, I only acted in self-defense. See, I was still woozy so when I saw Krista with Malaysia’s whip I didn’t know whether she was gonna toss it out of the ring or use it as a weapon. It was a chance I didn’t want to take so I went downstairs to protect myself, Malaysia and Tim Cash. Whether Krista or the asswipes in the OAOAST Galaxy -- and you know who you are -- believe that or not I really don’t give a damn. Hell, those who don’t can just swallow it!
“Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down cues and Tim Cash accompanies Baron Windels ringside.
MISTER DICK
Just the man I wanted to see. The other half of your One & Only World tag team champions… Baron Windels!
"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
MISTER DICK
Listen BW, I hope you’re not upset I never returned your messages last week. When this whole deal hit, man, I just had to get away from it all, you know? I mean, the level some people will stoop.
BARON
Hey Jock, you don’t have to explain anything to me, man. The video backed up your story. But you know, with all the controversy and stuff, I think it’s only right we give COD a rematch to put any doubts to rest.
MISTER DICK
Rematch?!?
BARON
ASAP.
MISTER DICK
(to Cash)
This is your idea, isn’t it?
CASH
MISTER DICK
You can’t handle the fact I did in ONE NIGHT what you couldn’t do in ONE YEAR… and that’s carry BW to tag team gold.
Cash decks MD!
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”
COLE
That was too much for the mild manner Tim Cash to handle.
COACH
Is that guy Alix?
COLE
Alix?
COACH
You know, stupid.
COLE
Malaysia lunges towards Cash but is restrained by BW. When Cash turns to see the fuss behind him MD attacks.
COACH
We got all hell breaking loose, Mikey Cole.
OAOAST officials rush the ring as BW desperately tries to get MD off Cash. It’s only until Malaysia intervenes that order is restored.
COLE
Ladies and gentlemen, we need to get things under control out here. Don’t you go away. We’ll be back!
COMMERCIAL
-
SCHOOL DAZE II
TAPED THURSDAY
STARRING…
MOLLY NERDLY
and
MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD
The studious young ladies are walking down the campus of Beverly Vista school, the high school attended by Maya. Maya wears her backpack, clearly prepared for another hard day of studying while Molly videotapes the somewhat mundane walk.
MAYA
Why did you bring your camera with you?
MOLLY
Its career day. I merely brought it along to showcase the tools of my trade. I am a professional filmmaker after all.
MAYA
Nope, you’re a student filmmaker. Your job is a valet, and the tools of the trade are exposing your breasts.
MOLLY
I can’t very well do that at a high school now can I?
MAYA
In a classroom full of horny teenage boys, it’d be a real crowd pleaser!
MOLLY
I say, aren’t you rather late for class?
MAYA
I don’t care. Ever since I got my teacher my mom’s autograph, he’s been a total Maya Mark.
The girls enter the building, as students hurry not to be late for their classes.
MOLLY
Your mom would kill you if she heard you using wrestling terminology.
MAYA
Anyway he added it to his “Temple of Krista” along with the strand of hair he tugged out at the last school play. Having a teacher with an unhealthy infatuation with your mother makes for some strange parent teacher conferences.
Maya and Molly trudge into a classroom where a thin, poindexter type sits behind the teacher’s desk.
TEACHER
Ah, Maya, and you bought a cute friend. You’re a little late, but your guests for career day have already arrived.
MAYA
My…huh? Molly came in with me.
VOICE
We Rico De Janerio and I’m the internationally known and locally respect p-i-m-p, Mister Lucius Soul, but ya’ll can just call me Sweet.
MAYA
Oh no.
Confirming Maya’s dread, Lucius Soul and Rico De Janeiro come OUT OF THE COAT CLOSET and strut a pimp’s strut to the front of the classroom.
RICO
Hey, mang, we’re Maya speaker, mang.
MAYA
No, they aren’t!
RICO
What‘re you kids doing with your life? You’re over sixteen, that’s old enough to get a GED and register for college. But what are you doing? You going home, mang, and you grabbin that coke-coke butter and you gonna beat your meat to Krista's exercise videos like angry Mike Tyson. Trust me, I used to do the same thing.
MAYA
Now would be a good time for someone to set the school on fire!
SOUL
Ya’ll some fine looking bitches, but you fellas, you broke status. You ain’t got no job, you livin’ with your parents still, you sittin here listening to Milhouse spit some lines about Abe Lincoln fuckin Margret Thatcher on the Mayflower. When I was your age I had a stable of bad ass hoes ten deep, and a murder rap a mile long.
MAYA
And a welfare check totaling twenty grand!
SOUL
Amen. We gonna offer you fellas a change for the better.
RICO
Yeah, mang, chance to become a something. Take your hands out your pants, stop grabbing dick and start grabbing life!
SOUL
Its time to stop feeling depressed from watching those high school dropouts getting’ that minimum wage paper and become one of them. If you lucky you can wind up like us.
MOLLY
If you’re lucky?
RICO
We was a nothing before Landon Maddix, mang, he come and he let us in his cockroach kingdom. My wife hated me and still does, she try to waste me with the 12 gauge. I took two in the face and fell off bridge, mang. Only this porn stache saved my life.
SOUL
But back on subject. We was bum fellas like you, but all it took was a pledge of allegiance to Landon Maddix and a Jackson to his pocket to turn our lives around.
MAYA
You’re here to do an informercial for Landon Maddix? Landon Maddix ran an international wrestling company into the ground in about five months! He lost a TV deal on the TSM network! Good god, half their shows are test patterns, and the others are about cows.
SOUL
I will continue. We even got education money like the army and shit. Landon asked me what I wanted to do after wrestling, right, and I say sales and homeboy had me enroll in Everest college. So there I was in a unique sales program no one ever heard of.
MAYA
We got to a school where the tuition costs 10,000 a semester, and you want us to enroll in an unaccredited college? Revolt!
KID
Quiet I’m trying to hear this!
SOUL
Now I’m movin’ crack rock like never before. Speaking of, Landon allows you to do your thing on the streets. A nigga gotta stay on top of his pimp game and a ho gotta turn her tricks. With Landon if you a real nigga like me, you can get on your grind and maintain your rep on the streets. Real respects real, and Landon respects Soul. You gotta tithe to him fifty bucks a week, and I ain’t got no money to feed my kids, but a little starvation never hurt nobody. Ask Gandhi.
KIDS
MAYA
See! I told you people! You ignorant, awful, people.
RICO
Burroughs Boys , mang, they sleepin’ on used mattress. Landon, he buy us royal beds, NASA style space age, when you fuck on this, mang, is like fuckin’ on the moon with gravity. I pipe your moms Neil Armstrong style, mang.
KIDS
SOUL
Tell me that ain’t official. Tell me ya’ll ain’t down with boning these girls on some Captain Kirk space the final frontier mess. That’s our story, and we hope you have been inspired. Hopefully ya’ll will get of your bum asses, pick up the phone and pledge alligence to the flag of Cucaracha Kingdom. We did it and you can to.
The students sit in utter at shock at the spiel just presented to them.
TEACHER
Well, Maya, I believe that’s an A for you.
MAYA
Wow really?!
TEACHER
No, its an F.
MAYA
COMMERCIAL
-
We return from break with our view on Sofa Central
COLE
Back on HeldDOWN and we're ready for tag team action!
BUFFER
The following tag team contest is set for one fall. In the ring, accompanied by the rest of the Burrough Boys. Total combined weight, four hundred fourty five pounds... QUUUIIINNCCCYYYYYY and MMAAAARRRIIIIAAAAAANNOOOOOOO!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The four Burrough Boys goof about in the ring, to the annoyance of the referee they're bugging.
COACH
My boys lookin' in high spirits tonight!
COLE
And they're going to have to contend with a team they had an unsuccessful run-in with at AngleMania IX.
The fun is over for the BBs though as "Like The Angel" by Rise Against hits. Melody Nerdly summons out her twin brothers with the use of a Wiimote, then makes them hit a jumping high-five, sending one orange and one blue pyrotechnic rocket shooting into the air!
BUFFER
And their opponents! Accompanied by MELODY NERDLY... at a combined weight of three hundred, seventy pounds... MARV and MEL, THE CHHRRRIIIIIISSSSSTT AAAAIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR... EEEXXXXXXPPRRRRREEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!
"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
MARV and MEL rush into the ring and slide in, only to get jumped by all four Burrough Boys!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
COLE
Hey! Come on, this is supposed to be two on two, what is this about!?
COACH
This is how we do in NYC, bitch!
COLE
Aren't you from Kansas?
Beaten on by all four Burrough Boys, MARV and MEL are sent off with a QUADRUPLE whip. They both duck double clotheslines though and dish out double Double Kickflips, knocking down all four New Yorkers at once!
COLE
Four for the price of two!
COACH
Just like the places you buy your suits at!
*DINGDINGDING*
As the bell sounds to start the match, Luther and Waldo bail out leaving the legal men in the match in the ring. MARV and MEL perform a double whip on Quincy and Mariano. The BBs hold onto the ropes though and point out how smart they are. At the same time, they spring off the middle rope with stereo asai moonsaults. But MARV and MEL run right underneath and come off the ropes in front with stereo running dropkicks!!
COLE
Woah! Fast paced action here on HeldDOWN, hold onto your hats!
MARV and MEL whip Quincy into a corner. They go to whip Mariano in as well, but a reversal sends in MARV instead. MARV recovers and hits a running forearm on Quincy in the corner. He then catches Mariano running in, launching him into the air, causing Mariano to hit a top rope bronco buster on Quincy! Quincy falls back in a tree of woe, leaving both Burrough Boys trapped. After a jumping high-five The CAE then run in and launch themselves with dropkicks, one high one low, blasting both Quincy and Mariano!!
"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!"
COLE
WOW!
Mariano rolls out of the ring, leaving Quincy two on one. The twin brothers send him to the ropes, launched up in the air by MARV and caught with a gutbuster by MEL! MARV then comes off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker, with Quincy's back bending over MEL's knee for good measure!
COLE
The Christ Air Express are on fire here!
Cover by MEL...
1...
2...
Kickout!
Finally getting some order, referee Charles Robinson gets MARV on the apron, long enough for a tag to be made and another double team to be set up. Sending Quincy to the ropes, they hit a double hiptoss. The CAE then turn around to find Mariano springboarding in off the top rope, but they sidestep and guide him down into a springboard splash onto his own partner!
COACH
C'mon guys! Get yo' act together, homies!
COLE
Again, you are from Kansas.
Mariano is thrown outside as MARV covers Quincy...
1...
2...
No! The count is broken up as Luther and Waldo throw their SNEAKERS into the ring!
COLE
Pelting the referee with shoes, are you kidding me?
As Luther and Waldo argue with the referee, Melody takes exception as well and starts reminstrating with them too.
WALDO
Yo bitch, there ain't nothin' for ya here!
MELODY
How you gonna do, homeboy? How you gonna fling dem ice creams like dat?
LUTHER
Get out' mah grill, hoodrat!
MELODY
You wanna step to me? Huh? You wanna dance?
WALDO
Hell naw you ain't got none white girl!
MELODY
Best get to steppin', 'fore I leave ya'll curbstomped!
In the ring meanwhile, MARV and MEL hit the ropes, but MARV is tripped up by Mariano from the outside and dragged to the floor. Quincy catches hold of MEL and holds him up for a SPRINGBOARD HART ATTACK by Mariano!! Cover...
1...
2...
NO!
The BBs call for the finish.
COACH
Alright, time to get that cash money!
COLE
I... nevermind.
Quincy sets MEL up, looking for the Tanooki Suit... but MEL kicks up, kicking off of Mariano and floating over the back. He runs the two together, then ducks a clothesline from Quincy and counters with a Full Nelson Facebuster!!
COACH
No no, come on!
Recovering, Mariano runs at MEL. The elder twin ducks and Mariano keeps running, to where MARV has climbed to the apron. MARV nails him with a forearm from the outside. He then jumps in over the top, lands on the middle rope and executes the DIAMOND DUST on Mariano!!
"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
COLE
Here we go! MARV and MEL looking for that Happy Ending!
As The Christ Air Express prepare to finish Quincy off though, VINNY VALENTINE strolls to the ring! Meanwhile, Luther and Waldo jump to the apron to try and help their partner. Dropkicks from The CAE send them flying to the arena floor though. Quincy tries to take advantage, but his double clothesline is ducked and he suffers the HAPPY ENDING after all!
1...
2...
3!!!!!
*DINGDINGDING!*
BUFFER
Here are your winners... the team of MARV and MEL, THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS!!!!
"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
As the brothers celebrate though, attention turns to the outside where Vinny is attempting to put the moves to Melody! His disco dancing and chest rubbing doesn't seem to be winning her over, but it does distract MARV and MEL, allowing Luther and Waldo to attack from behind!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
COLE
And now it's another gangland beatdown from the New York street punks!
Luther and Waldo puts the feet (sneakerless, remember) to MARV and MEL, joined by Vinny Valentine. Three on two the odds are too much for The CAE and they're stomped down into the mat. Looking on helplessly, Melody is given a HIP-SWIVEL by Vinny V!
MELODY
HELP! HEEELLLLPP!!
Luckily for Melody, somebody hears her cries for help...
...BIFF ATLAS, running out to the rescue!!!!
"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
COLE
IT'S BIFFMAN TO THE RESCUE!!
COACH
Aw, you've gotta be kidding me with this!
Biff slides into the ring and lands a right hand on Luther, who flies backwards! And one for Waldo, sent crashing out of the ring! Vinny freezes and begs off from the superhero dressed Atlas. Biff grabs him by the head though and with superheroic strength, he launches Vinny V over the top and through the skies, right down onto all four Burrough Boys who unwittingly break the Disco Duck's fall!!
"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Biff checks that MARV and MEL are okay, as The Ghetto Groove Monkeys pick themselves up and run for safety.
MELODY
My hero!
A swooning Melody is caught by Biff, while The CAE pick themselves up and thank Biff for saving them.
COACH
This simp be getting simpler and simpler! Dude's running around in a Halloween costume now. I thought he was just playing dress-up for AngleMania, now he's acting like a superhero 24/7?
COLE
He IS a superhero, Coach!
COACH
Whuh?
COLE
Well, he just just answered the call of a damsel in distress, ran off the bad guys, came to the rescue of those that needed help. That's pretty heroic if you ask me. Tonight, our main event, Denzel Spencer against King Landon Maddix. And it was just about two months ago, Landon Maddix pulled the royal carpet out from under the Jamaican to become the King Of The Ring.
With a hold of the legs Landon falls back with a slingshot, sending Denzel towards the turnbuckles. Denzel lands on the second rope though, unbeknownest to La Cucaracha! Megan waves at him to turn around and when he finally does Denzel springs off the second rope, twisting in mid-air and nailing Landon with a flying lariat!!DENZEL
C'MON!!!!
"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"
COLE
Those were some "big ups" from Denzel, as the kids say!
Queen Esther, who had been quite into the match up until now, seems a little distracted now as the fans go wild. Denzel is all fired up and whips the crowd into an uncontrolled frenzy as he waits for a seemingly helpless Landon to get back to his feet.
COLE
And now Denzel is calling for it, Denzel looking to put this one away and cap an amazing night for him!
As Landon picks himself up Denzel is ready and waiting, going to the gut with a kick. Landon doubles over dramatically and Denzel comes off the ropes, looking for the Scissors Kick...
...BUT SUDDENLY HAS HIS FOOT GRABBED BY QUEEN ESTHER!!!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
COLE
What the hell!?
Denzel looks as bemused as anyone and tries to snatch his foot back, as the Queen clings on for dear life. He finally does pull away and stares down in confusion, as the referee turns away from Landon and does the same, not seeing enough to issue a disqualification.
COLE
What was that about?
COACH
Don't look at me.
Turning back to the match Denzel blows Queen Esther off and turns around...
...but gets picked up and BLASTED WITH THE GO TO SLEEP, OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!
COACH
BAM! GTS!
COLE
Denzel was distracted by Queen Esther! And now, the Go To Sleep... you've gotta be kidding me!
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
COLE
And Landon Maddix has done it! Landon Maddix is the King Of The Ring!
COACH
ALL HAIL!
*DINGDINGDING*
The fans are up in arms as Landon rolls over with a look of amazement on his face and punches the sky! "Parade Of The Charioteers" plays to herald the new King, who looks set to explode he's so happy.
BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this contest... and... the 2010 OAOAST KING OF THE RING... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
Landon doesn't know what to do with himself he's so excited, looking around in amazement. There's a brief moment of confusion as he catches sight of Queen Esther, but he's too excited to get distracted for too long and starts to celebrate.
COLE
Well tonight, the chance for redemption for Denzel Spencer. It's King Of The Ring versus the Heartland Champion. Revenge on the mind of Denzel, more gold in the eyes of the King And that is our main event, here tonight in our nation's capital.
-
TAPED TUESDAY
KRISTA’S HOUSE Los Angeles
GENEVIEVE DUNCAN (Krista’s mom)
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN
and
JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN
are all gathered over the palatial home of Krista Isadora Duncan. Genevieve sits on a leather couch reading a Vouge magazine, while Krista reclines on the sofa with a scotch in her hand and a wet cloth over her forehead. Jade busies herself with typing away on her brand new IPad!
KRISTA
This is awful. This mind numbingly, soul crushingly beyond a shadow of a doubt the worst thing in the world. I thought when Alix cut the breaks on the Jetta as an April Fools joke that was bad, but then I realized Jade drives the Jetta and I laughed a little.
JADE
I didn’t!
KRISTA
The whole thing gives me aches. Its just miserable!
GENEVIEVE
Honey, its not easy getting Celine Dion tickets.
KRISTA
I guess…wait what? Mother! I’m talking about the OAOAST tag team titles.
GENEVIEVE
Oooooooh. What the hooey are the OAOAST tag team titles?
JADE
They’re the most prestigious wrestling titles in tag team performing. A guy who used to talk to a fish once held them!
GENEVIEVE
Your mother currently talks to that funny little monkey character she loves so much.
KRISTA
Mom, that’s Alix!
GENEVIEVE
Go on, Jade, what happened to these tag team titles she misses so much.
JADE
She lost them to someone named Baron Windells, he’s nice person. But his partner…he’s uh...not so nice. He’s this guy…
Jade pulls up Mister Dick’s photo on her IPad.
GENEVIEVE
My, honey who is that?
JADE
That’s Mister Dick.
GENEVIEVE
Mmmmm. If I was just twenty years younger, I’d lay him down on the bed, get out my favorite negligee, bring out the chocolate and have a nice oreo cookie, mister dick flavor.
JADE
Okay. Gross.
KRISTA
Mom! That’s the person who took my tag team title, hence the source of my great unbearable possibly suicidal miserey.
GENEVIEVE
Oh, honey, you’ve always been like that. You’ll whine about everything! I beat up Ricky Jones at school and only three people came to watch, I’m so sad. I kicked my little brother down the stairs and daddy didn’t even pat me on the head, I’m so sad. Mommy, I caught you and Santa Claus kissing, and we’re Jewish, and Santa was naked, and he was Uncle Andrew, woe is me! Honey, I want my slice of charboiled hot blond hunk!
JADE
Grandma you’re married, to Grandpa? Remember?
GENEVIEVE
What did I tell you about calling me grandma?
JADE
Mom, already wrote me out the will after I insinuated that maybe just maybe I don’t like it when she decides to model her thongs for me.
GENEVIEVE
Honey, I’ve been modeling Teddies for your mother for years.
KRISTA
Now you see why I have to see my therapist three times a week.
GENEVIEVE
Back to being married, though. Marriage is just an excuse to practice faking orgasms and to get doped up on lithium.
KRISTA
Since when do you need an excuse to pop some lithium? Its part of a balanced breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, luncfast, dinunch, and breakinner. But what about my tag team titles?
GENEVIEVE
Honey, if its that big a deal, just ask the person in charge to let you fight for them one more time.
JADE
You know…that’s a good, simple idea.
KRISTA
Every once in a while I don’t hate the fact that you’re my mother.
GENEVIEVE
Honey, I love you.
TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
HEARTLAND TITLE
LANDON MADDIX VS DENZEL SPENCER
THE MAINEVENT
COMMERCIAL
-
We return from commercial break with highlights from the Victor Perez/Michael Anderson match. A caption reading, “MOMENTS AGO” appears on the bottom right hand corner of the screen. The highlights start with Victor’s hurricarana on Michael Anderson while charging towards him.
COLE
Back on HeldDOWN~!, and fans, just moments ago, we saw the impressive debut of Tha Puerto Rican’s little brother, “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez. We have all been waiting for this man to make his OAOAST debut, and he DID indeed live up to the hype! Victor pulling out all of these innovative, incredible moves that are rarely seen in professional wrestling, let alone in the OAOAST!
A replay is shown of Victor’s Swanton Bomb in slow motion.
COLE
He finished things off with an unbelievably smooth looking Swanton Bomb, picking up the win in his debut! So far in his OAOAST career, “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez is 1-0! And who knows, who can tell how long this winning streak will last for this exciting youngster!? If he keeps at it like he did tonight, Victor Perez will indeed make the Quagmire family, Tha Puerto Rican and himself proud like he said that he wanted to!
The camera cuts to a lockerroom. The crowd cheers as Maggie Nerdly and Colombian Heat are congratulating “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez on winning in his debut. Victor is humbled by all of the accolades, sipping on a DAISANI~! water bottle. The talking stops when Tha Puerto Rican enters the room to loud cheers from the crowd. Heat and Maggie look at PRL. PRL looks at his brother with a serious expression on his face. Victor looks at his brother with a serious expression on *his* face. The crowd is wondering what will happen next. After a tense staredown between the two, Tha Puerto Rican starts to crack a smile. So, Victor starts to crack a smile. PRL is soon beaming as he hugs his brother to cheers from Heat, Maggie and the fans.
THA PUERTO RICAN
All right, little bro! You did it! You finally FINALLY did it!
“VIRGIN ISLAND THUNDER” VICTOR PEREZ
Thanks, man! Appreciate it!
Tha Puerto Rican gives his brother a big bear hug!
COLOMBIAN HEAT
Gee, dat was awkward for a second!
Tha Puerto Rican puts his left arm around his brother’s shoulders. Victor has a wide smile on his face as he looks at his older brother.
THA PUERTO RICAN
And it’s only the beginning, man. ONLY the beginning!
PRL high fives Victor and the two brothers laugh. Maggie and Colombian Heat laugh along with them as the crowd cheers. Tha Puerto Rican, “Virgin Island Thunder” Victor Perez, Colombian Heat and Maggie Nerdly are all smiles and are laughing it up. They all engage in a conversation in the lockerroom as the crowd cheers, happy for the four of them.
Anyone seen Alf?
in Brandon Truitt
Posted · Report reply
I'm really worried about that dude. No homo