King Cucaracha

Backstage, Leon Rodez is deep in conversation with a group of random assorted hangers on. When wrestlers don't have matches, they don't have much to do, see. And obviously, Leon doesn't have a match. What he does have is taped ribs, picked up at the hands of The Lightning Crew and specifically Tha Puerto Rican last week. And that seems to be the topic of conversation, which is possibly why Charles Robinson in particular looks so thoroughly bored. Luckily, he's about to be saved though, as their conversation is interrupted by Jade Rodez. JADE Hey Le'! Can I ask you... LEON Woah, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Japan, working for HI-YAH with the rest of the Women's Division that as everyone knows are on an extended indefinate tour for perfectly reasonable reasons that I could explain but won't because you already know them? JADE Yeah, but they didn't really want me hangin' around there after me and Molly let all those pandas loose and they weren't using me or anything, 'cause I'm...you know... LEON A terrible wrestler? JADE No, a rookie! LEON Oh. Yeah. Of course. Well, don't worry, you've come to the right person. I'll talk to Zack and get him to pull some politics, help you back into favour. *winkwink* You'll understand when you're older. Jade looks curiously at Leon. JADE He's gonna sleep with someone to get me back in HI-YAH? LEON No...well, at least I hope not. But I'll talk to him and see what he can do. JADE No, no, that's not what I want Le'. All I was really doing was getting my BUTT kicked all the time and Japan kinda sucked anyway. So, I've got them to take me off the tour and I'm gonna be a manager for a while instead, so what I kinda need you to do is interview my new tag team so that they get some exposure and stuff... LEON Woah, woah, backtrack Jack. Your new tag team? JADE Yeah. LEON Aw, that's real cute. Sis, you don't know anything about being a manager. You've got to have some sort of knowledge of sports science, be able to organise contracts and other financial deals for their clients and at the very least cut a decent promo. Unless you've been taking classes in your spare time, you can't do anything on that list. Besides, you can't own a tag team. JADE You can if you get a 60% cut on everything they make. A clearly impressed Leon raises his eyebrows. LEON Sweet deal. JADE Yeah, Krista suggested it. Leon grumbles under his breath. JADE So, can you interview us...pleeeeeeaaaaassseeeeee. LEON Eh, sure, why not. It's not like I can wrestle with my ribs like this. JADE Why, what happened? LEON I'll explain on the way. JADE Way where? Don't you have to get the set sorted and stuff? LEON A beach towel and a desk? JADE Good point. **5 MINUTES LATER APPARANTELY!!** OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# Hey, Leon has found a desk and he's sitting at it. Must be Love Shack time! Standing behind the desk, clearly in camera view, are Josh Matthews and Charles Robinson, each holding up half of the New York skyline beach towel. Unfortunately, Leon didn't think to bring his 'HAIL MICHIGAN' road sign with him, so Matthews also holds a piece of paper with those very words scrawled across it. Despairing at this terrible set, even by Love Shack standards, Leon sits at his desk, which is coincidentally the first desk he could find with items on it expendable enough to throw to the side. Or, alternatively, on the floor. LEON Uhm...welcome to the Love Shack, I guess. I wasn't really prepped for this tonight, so tonight consider this Leon Rodez's Night At The Improv. Set included. But set or no set, this is the Love Shack and I am Leon Rodez. I don't give a *beep*, keep lookin' at mah *beep*, coz it don't mean a thing if you're lookin' at mah *beep*. You know, if you listen to that song with a dictionary in your hand and just replace the beeps for random chosen words, it becomes so much better. It's true. Try it, people. Now, you're gonna have to forgive me here because I've done so little research on my guests tonight that I not only don't know their names, I didn't even know they existed until a half hour ago. Don't misunderstand me, I don't do research for any guests. It's not like this is anything more than a time-waster when I'm not booked. But I usually know names as a bare minimum. Tonight, I don't. So, I'll leave introductions to one person I do the name of, which is my dear little sister Jade Rodez, accompanied by some new tag team! The piped applause makes a welcome return for the first time since Zack's last taped HI-YAH match, as Jade Rodez strides into shot, making a far too dramatic gesture for the two young gentlemen who are with her. They seem pretty snappy dressers and are obviously down with current trends and pop cultures and stuff. Hair is gelled. Clothes are well tailored. Jewellery is made of seashells and stuff. And smiles are cheesy, yet surprisingly swoon-worthy. LEON Okay, that was suitably OTT. Guys, gal, welcome to the Love Shack. Now, we need to get the formalities over and done with, so a/s/l plz! JADE 18/F/here. LEON lol ill pretend u sed 18! JADE I...kinda did. LEON And these guys? JADE This is D*LUX. Waiting for some elaboration, Leon gets none. LEON And the other guy? JADE No, they're D*LUX. That's the tag team name and it's spelt with an asterix because it's cool and unique and more likely to fit on merchandise. Krista's idea. Leon grumbles under his breath. Jade meanwhile points to the taller of the two tag teamers... JADE This is Tyler... ...and then the slightly shorter one... JADE ...and this is Shayne. Nicknames on a postcard, please. The best we could come up with was "Silver" Shayne but Krista said that was a kinda stupid name unless he was gonna dress up in a silver bodysuit and mask and get beat in 2 minutes every time he stepped into a ring, so we're still thinking. They're from Michigan... Suddenly perking up, Leon sits up in his seat and throws away the cryptic crossword he was perusing over. TYLER Don't forget about the part where we almost got to the second auditions on American Idol two years in a row! SHAYNE Paula Abdul said I had nice buns. LEON Wait a second...doesn't 'almost got to the second stage' mean they turned you down at the first stage. Twice? JADE No comment. LEON Hey, you're getting the hang of this manager thing quick, sis. So, aside from failing at American Idol, what else have you guys done with your lives? Tyler and Shayne confer. TYLER Dreamt about succeeding at American Idol. SHAYNE Had a lot of emotional relationships...and then wrote ballads about them. TYLER We went to that Red Wings game last month and sung the national anthem... SHAYNE Pity security threw us out. TYLER Yeah. LEON So, you're like...a boyband? Where's the rest of you? JADE They're not a boyband, they're just two guys who wanted to be successful pop stars. SHAYNE Want. We don't believe in past tense. JADE They've been tearing stuff up in OAOVW and now they're coming to the OAOAST to wrestle, to maybe make a music career, they're exciting wrestlers, they're cute and they have feelings that they like to show to people. I've seen Tyler cry. It's a beautiful sight. LEON I'm sure. JADE I've got these guys a big match next week and we're hoping to move up the rankings... TYLER And the charts... SHAYNE And your #hhhhHheEeeEEeaaRaarRRtttTsssSS!!# JADE ...in the coming weeks. Pulling his fingers from his ears, Leon grimaces still as he glances at D*LUX. LEON The fact you couldn't make it to the second round of a competition Kelly Clarkson won is pretty depressing. But you seem like you're good kids, you're from Michigan and you're probably far too meterosexual and new age kids to be doing the jiggy with my sister...so, good luck next week. JADE Thanks...I think. LEON You know, I was supposed to meet Alix like 5 minutes ago and if you guys keep me waiting much longer, you'll have plenty of emotions to write about. Like being without genetalia. TYLER Hey...that'd be pretty radical. SHAYNE Do we say radical? TYLER I guess we do now. SHAYNE ...Radical! LEON I wasn't being metephorical you know. JADE Aw, Alix wouldn't do that, she's a sweetie. SHAYNE Hard to beat-ie. TYLER Knock me off my #fFFFffFfEEEeEeEEeEEeTttttTtYYYYyYYYYyyyyyy!!# ... LEON Why did you say you didn't get through to the second stage again? JADE (to D*LUX) Don't mind him guys. He's bitter because he got booed off stage once...he was only six bless him and he forgot the words to Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, so he started ad-libbing. Wasn't pretty. Ruined his dreams, so it's kinda a sore issue, ya know. Momentarily lost for words, Leon stares into space. LEON And, I think we'll leave it there. This was the Love Shack. Jade, D*LUX, we'll see you next week... JADE And we'll see you on the car ride home. LEON ...touché. We're out. Peace. Roll closing credits! LEON (over black screen) So, did you guys meet Bo~! or what? #SwwEEeeeEeEttTtT hHhOoOOooOoOoMmMmMmMmmmeeeeE AaaaAAAaAaLllllLLlAAAaaaAaBBbBBAaAAaaAaMmMmmMMaAaaaAAa!!!#

Hardy and Shannon would be a perfect re-invention of the Hardys, so long as it was based on the 1997 version.

Do what I did and drop out of school early. Or, on second thoughts, maybe you shouldn't.

Why? Because he noticed that RVD had a terrible match with someone? Because he's sick of John Cena's stale act? Because he noticed that Shane was booked far too strongly over Shawn tonight?

Hooray!

Bah. ROH isn't the same without Punk on commentary. "Crotch hold and lift.", anyone? Didn't think so.

Love Shack returns with three special guests

Annie, Annie, Annie. Judge/Ejiro/Annie was such a great trio.

You all talk like the Smackdown locker room invented ribbing. Buy some shoot interviews people, public traded company or no public traded company, things like this have happened in wrestling for years.

Seeing Card mentioned...didn't Card use real (as in real people) picbases for some of the characters? Va'aiga was tribal Rock with or without the mask, right? And I swear there was a poster with all of the Unnamed on it, where Maddix's picbase was Brian Kendrick.

If we get a new SWF.com, we should treat it like WWE.com instead of "a second place to post your stats". Any bios on there should have no more information than a real bio would. Articles and stuff would be good too. Also, it'd help design wise if our characters all had picbases.

I might just do that and see what happens.

See, that's how you present an impartial viewpoint (Rudo, that is). And he's pretty much dead right.

Then it's really a shame you can't do that Then Previous rulings state that you can put a title shot on the line in this match but not a title unless the actual match is booked for the title (Hardcore title was actually on the line in CB II) THERE ARE NO PREVIOUS RULES BECAUSE IT'S CALVINBALL AND THERE ARE NO STIKING RULES!!!!!!!!! Man, where's Thoth to tear people new assholes over this?

A rather important promo that I forget to send is now in pre-main event and a not so important promo edited in after Reject's match. Go read them. Now. After all, I am WOTY, remember, so they must be good! EDIT: Also, more stuff from EWC is in.

The crowd respects the guys you've mentioned because they've earnt it through time. HHH and Taker have been in the company for years, Benoit, Eddie and Rey in the business for years. The lack of respect for guys like Cena and Orton is because they've been thrown into positions they're not ready for, in time periods that never would have been so short a few years ago. Victims of being pushed too hard, too fast. There's not enough backstory, not enough time to get a vested interest. I hate to use the terms 'paying your dues', but I guess that might have something to do with it. You earn the respect over time and HBK and Taker are the perfect examples.

You see, I thought this would have morphed into the TSM staple "ANGLE -VS- JOE" by Page 1. You guys are slipping. Bruce, Joe's what do you class as 'bigger' guys exactly? As listed above, Tank is 350lbs or so, Bradley is about 280lbs, Abyss is roughly 300lbs. Chris Hero would count as a 'bigger' guy in my book and he's had some very good matches with him. His stuff with Necro could certainly be considered 'entertaining' and Necro's no small guy. So, including Kobashi, you have 6. You could argue for BJ Whitmer and Dan Maff matches too, I guess. Joe doesn't face a lot of big guys because TNA are giving him the monster push and everyone likes to book him to his strengths, which are matches against bigger guys. Pegasus, comparing emotion of a Wrestlemania dream match to a ROH dream match is the worst comparison you can make. They're on such different scales it's ridiculous. You're comparing a match at the biggest show of the year, for drama, with an indy show match, with completely different sizes and types of crowd and atmosphere. It's not an accurate comparison.

I eagerly anticipate a Steiner/Hoyt feud.

How long did Shane Douglas last in the WWF in 91? He was in the Rumble, that's all I know.

Baguette > All. Well, if it's Crimson Skull's weapon, it should be a toy laser gun that shoots mini frisbees at people.

Very true. The saddest thing is, you can argueably say that about 90-95% of the roster at the moment. I voted HHH though, if only because he was entertaining for a while...which was a longer while than Cena was. If that makes sense.

Ooh, another one. Derek Frazier. Watchable, but I see no real standout qualities whatsoever in him.

Before the intro, plz! -------------------------------- *EARLIER TODAY* Outside the arena, the threesome of John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat are stood in a huddle and apparantly waiting on something or, perhaps, someone. With the Latino Thug Street Fight later in the night, Brickston is wearing some worn jeans and a simple black wifebeater, Spanish Fly in one of his new Spanish Fly t-shirts (shill!) and faded jeans (and his mask, naturally), while Heat is pimpin' it up with baggy combat pants and his personalised soccer jersey, as well as tons of bling. Yeah, I said bling. I'm street, yo. As they stand waiting in what is probably the cold (I'm not really close enough to guess what the weather's like in the US, see) the dulset tones of James Blunt begin to play through the parking lot. The three collectively turn up their noses as a car of some sort (I'm not good on cars either, see) pulls up in front of them. A few seconds later, once it parks up, the sunroof opens and LEON RODEZ! pops his head through the roof. RODEZ [i]You're beautiful, it's truuueee![/i] What's up guys! Rodez ducks back through the roof and thankfully switches the radio off, while Heat asks Fly exactly "what's dat cracker's problem, dawg?" Exiting the car, Rodez jigs around to the boot and grabs his bags, while the threesome in front of him continue to wait. RODEZ Man, that's a tune. So what are you guys doing out here? FLY Waiting for you, man. We wanna talk over the Latino Thug Street Fight tonight, because we figured you wouldn't really know what the deal was. RODEZ You'd be completely correct. But, I came prepared anyway. Reaching into his pocket, Rodez grabs a pack of toothpicks, opening it up and sticking one in the corner of his mouth. RODEZ Orralay, holmes! HEAT Yo, da's offensive to mah culture! RODEZ So...I should leave the sombrero in the trunk, right? All three nod in unison. RODEZ Alright, no stereotypical Latino stuff. Probably wasn't best advised now that I think about it. So, what is the deal with this Latino Thug thing then? FLY Well, it's an ordinary street fight really. But there's a couple of little rules...you know, minor stuff. Like you wearing what you enter the arena in to the ring. And also, you've gotta bri...woah, where you going? Rushing back over to his car, Rodez hurriedly throws his bag up and onto the car and quickly starts to pull out his ring gear. HEAT Whatchu doin', sucka? RODEZ Well, apparantely I'm putting my gear on! All three look confused. RODEZ Technically, we're not in the arena yet. We have to wear out to the ring the clothes we come to the arena in...so if I get changed out here, then I can wear my gear to the ring. Comprendé? Rodez pulls his shirt off and throws it haphazardly to the floor. HEAT Brah, it's a street fight. You supposed ta be wearin' street clothes, dat's the point! RODEZ Street clothes, schmeet clothes my Colombian friend. I worked hard for these thighs, they're not being hidden under jeans no matter how designer or expensive they may be. I'm not a Latino Thug. I'm a wrestler with a well toned body that I like to oil up and show off to people. Now, if that makes me an egotistical narcissistic sports pimp, then I guess I'm just an egotistical narcissistic sports pimp. FLY So what, you're gonna get changed out here in the middle of the parking lot? RODEZ ...good point. Grabbing his keys, Rodez opens up the backdoor of the car, throwing in his bag and pulling down his pants as he crawls onto the backseat. Brickston begins to survey the night sky while Fly and Heat look down at their feet. RODEZ (from inside the car) [i]Man. *GRUNT* Now I know why most wrestlers...*GRUNT*...wear their gear everywhere they go.[/i] Rodez continues to struggle with his clothing, while the trio outside the car try to find new and interesting places to look. Walking past, Charles Robinson and Brian Hebner take an interest in the rocking car and grunting, joining Heat, Brickston and Fly in what they assume is the jolly-good pastime of dogging. Or, so I'm told. Eventually, after much grunting and groaning, Rodez emerges from the car in his wrestling gear (sans elbowpads, which he now starts putting on). Robinson and Hebner dejectedly leave, as Rodez holds his arms to the side. RODEZ Feels like I'm missing something... HEAT Look man, you best gets serio... RODEZ ROBE! *slaps forehead* Man, how stupid would I have looked walking in the door without my robe, huh guys? Pretty darned stupid, that's how. Rummaging back through the trunk, Rodez unfurls a lavish purple robe, matching his ring gear. RODEZ Okay, so what's the other rules? FLY Well, you have to bring your own weapon to the ring with you. RODEZ Weapon? Right...weapons, weapons... Going back through the trunk, Rodez searches through his VAST storage space for something to inflict some Latino Thuggery with. RODEZ Okay, tyre iron...a little drastic. *CLANG!* Windscreen wiper fluid...I think not. *SPLASH!* Toolbox...too heavy. *CLUNK!* Bundle of lighttubes...convenient, but I think one epic-Deathmatch per career is enough for me. License 2 Pin, 2004. Don't hate. *CRAAASH!* Skimpy underwear, NOT mine, I swear...best give them back to Alix methinks. *THONG!* HEAT Brah, chill, we's gonna find somethin' inside. Seriously, whatchu gonna do wit' all that junk in yo' trunk? RODEZ I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you drunk off of my humps? HEAT ... RODEZ (dancing) My hump my hump, my hump my hump my humps, my lovely lady lumps? BRICKSTON [i]*She got me spendiiiiin'...*[/i] RODEZ See, he gets it! And you to think, you two call yourself street? Fly and Heat look at each other in despair before walking off into the arena. Brickston shrugs and follows on, while Rodez watches on with arms folded. RODEZ Where's the love, ya'll?

If not for promo ability, I'd tend to agree with you. I like Punk a lot, but I'd never buy a show specifically to see him wrestle and I, personally, wasn't a major fan of the Joe/Punk series. Punk's a hit and miss kinda guy in terms of opinions of him in the ring. As for others mentioned: I'm one of Hero's biggest fans, but I'll agree that he's a love him or hate him kinda worker. He's probably the best heel character/interview on the indy circuit today though and his feud with Eddie Kingston in CZW/IWA/CHIKARA has been superb. Danielson isn't always boring. Search out him invading CZW, or any match he's had with Jack Evans. Rave's improved hugely since I first saw him 3 or so years ago. Hating on Jack Evans = shocking.

You can download YouTube videos using the following program: http://www.enriquepuertas.com/?p=22 How does this work? I've downloaded the program and a file through it, but I can't find it in My Documents anywhere after it's done.