King Cucaracha

Death is apparently real inspirational. Inspirational to... not die? Or maybe it was because he'd packed the drugs in and truely cleaned his life up and was just beginning to rebuild his career.

I smell a sitcom!

Ask Brian Kendrick. Or Jamie Noble. Anyway, terrible plan. Maybe it's just me, but surely signing guys with a view to making them into stars would be a better gameplan than signing guys with the intention of burying them.

See, this is where I get extremely awkward and say that I need Rodez to eliminate PRL to set up for Zero Hour. So, hopefully that doesn't screw anything up, but it is kinda important.

If we're back catalogueing (how the hell do you spell that?)... Leon Rodez 1st- "My Hero", Foo Fighters Leon Rodez 2nd- "Jungle Boogie", Kool and the Gang And the current would be my third.

Could you not use WordPad?

Extremely refreshing ending. This is the first true shock they've had on PPV for many many months, maybe even years, and it's about time they took a risk and did it again because it's that sort of unpredictablity every now and then that should seperate PPVs from TV shows if they want to get buyrates back up. Infact, I was pleasantly surprised by the whole show. Much better than it looked on paper. And I don't care what anyone says, Shelton's Mama is money. Thumbs up.

I already got Tony's (Simply Ravishing) from there, but that's not important. That'd be cool, if only because I'm a cheap bastard who likes getting stuff for free (or, well, cheap at least as I'm on the Rapidshare Premium whatsit). And I need to get Back In Black from somewhere anyway.

So, what's the bad part?

They had a lot more good wrestling last year, which is why I got into the promotion more. But apparantly, they're determined to bring back the 'old CZW' with guys like Justice Pain, Joker, Zandig et all hitting each other with the same old tired junk, when the real money is in a Kingston/Hero wrestling feud. I honestly couldn't care less about any of the three matches they announced early.

See, Frazier's good and all...but, he does nothing for me really. I don't see anything in the guy, charisma wise, that'll make him stand out from anyone else with his sort of in-ring talent. He just looks way too indy promotion, if that makes any sense. And, even worse than saying he's bad on the mic, I've seen him do CZW Xposed promos and I honest to god can't remember a single one of them. He just lacks something.

If I have time, the debut of the most fantastical superstar EVER! Even better than Los Conquistadors.

See, I thought the Tag Title Match seemed a bit soon. Oh well, best edit my match a tad. *hasn't actually started*

Depending on whether Alf forwarded what I asked for and/or if I get a spurt on, I might jink a couple of bits in. Infact, having kept an eye on it as Alf posted, there's a couple of lines about the #30 Match I've got scheduled that I'll edit in. Other than that, as PK already said, big thumbs up to Alf.

If we want to do this properly a) We should vote on whether to streamline modships b) Anyone who doesn't mind being demodded or basically doesn't use the place (Chuck) should be dealt with first. c) We should vote on who should be mods. Or, go with the majority suggesstion that it should be Zack, Tony and the World Champion.

No point in turning him heel. If he turns heel and gets more of an 'edge', he'll just flip-flop right back to being a watered down face because unfortunately, that's the way things happen and have happened for years. Vince forgets what made Austin so big was that he was the same basic character, face or heel. Ditto Rock. I've lost track of the number of guys they've completely neutered the moment they start getting popular as heels. All they need to do is make Cena act more heelish...they needn't turn him flat out heel, just stop trying to make him the "beloved babyface nice guy" that totally contradicts the character he's supposed to have.

To be honest, I can live without being a mod. I've no problem being de-modded. BUT, impartially, I think it'd make more sense if we had Zack (head honcho), Tony (head of the Tag Division) and Me ('head' of the Women's Division) and then those who can already get in like PK and CC.

COLE And up next, it's the beginning of the 2006 Anderson Cup in the form of a real international encounter. In terms of the past year, the most improved tag team in the OAOAST could easily be a title given to The Sooner Bruisers. They ran through the #1 Contenders The New, New Midnight Express just a couple of months ago at November Reign. Meanwhile, their opponents are a team representing HI-YAH Promotions in this year's tournament, Glory By Anarchy. The team debuted in the OAOAST two years ago but soon relocated to Japan and enjoyed it so much, they've stayed there since. However, the lure of a Tag Team Title shot at AngleMania IV has drawn them back to American shores for this year's competition. At this time, while Coach and Caboose have a shirtless fight to the death in the parking lot...or, alternatively, grab themselves some coffee, it's my honour to bring in HI-YAH's head announcer, "The Professor" Mike Tenay to call this match with me. Mike, welcome. TENAY Thank you Michael...and, thank you for reading the notes I'd prepared for myself. COLE No problem. TENAY So, who's your money on? *grabs notes* COLE Uh...the Japanese guys? Glory Boy Energy? TENAY Caboose warned me you'd be this clueless, but I honestly didn't believe him. Until now. "FIIIIIRRRRREEEEE!!" "Fire" by Scooter hits to minimal reaction as the virtual unkowns in the U.S, Glory By Anarchy, make their way out. The HI-YAH duo powerwalk to the ring, the stockier Black leading the way while Romero fiddles with his mullet and lags behind somewhat. Black strides up the steps and goes righ to his corner, Romero close behind. BUFFER The following contest is a first-round match in the 2006 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing HI-YAH Promotions tonight. At a total combined weight of four hundred, seventy three pounds. The team of NATHAN BLACK and JASPER ROMERO... GLLOOOORRRYYY BY AAAANNAAAARRRCCHHHHYYYYY!!! The GBA gets a mixed reaction and a few, Japanese style streamers thrown into the ring from a small collection of fans grouped behind their corner. The referee Charles Robinson ends up with the tedious job of getting the streamers from the ring, while The GBA discuss strategy. TENAY These two men had a very successful 2005 in HI-YAH, but the one blot on their record was the repeated failure to capture the HI-YAH Tag Team Championships from The Love Doctors. They wrestle a very Japanese style and are both deceptively powerful. The problem tonight is, they're up against two men in The Sooner Bruisers who also favour that style...and will be more suited to it, due to their size advantages over both Glory By Anarchy members. Tonight, we may need to see a different tactic from The GBA. COLE Well, it's hard to see these two matching and beating The Sooners for power. TENAY To be fair, they've faced larger wrestler than they before and fared well. But, it's not the wise option to go toe to toe with Frank and Frankie. As the ring is cleared of pesky tissue paper, "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter hits and the crowd show their allegiance as they cheer heartily for the duo of Frank and Frankie Frankensteiner! Frankie barks his way down to the ring, leaving Frank to show off his byte-ceps to the crowd, giving each bicep a quick kiss just to show how proud of his peaks he really is. Frankie is already in the ring, doing a quick dog-like circle that forces The GBA into retreat to the floor. BUFFER And, their opponents hail from Oklahoma! At a total combined weight of five hundred and thirty five pounds... FRANK FRANKENSTEINER! FRANKIE FRANKENSTEINER! THE SSSOOOOOONNEEEEEERRRRR BBRRRRUUUIIISSSSEEEEERRRRRRSSSSS!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Frank finally gets to the ring and tears himself away from his muscles for long enough to actually climb into the squared circle. Watching on from the corner, The GBA show no sign of nerves. Even as Frank points a threatening finger their way and telling them to "take a good look, bitches" while he gives a double bicep pose! Romero is ready to accept the gauntlet, flicking back his hair/mullet...but Black holds him back. COLE The Sooner Bruisers don't seem overly concerned with their opponents tonight, which isn't a good mindset to come in with. TENAY Certainly not. The Sooners are many people's darkhorse picks to go all the way to AngleMania and they certainly have all the tools to be Tag Team Title contenders. But being over-confident will lose your more matches than it'll win you. *DINGDINGDING!* As the bell sounds, The Psycho Gremlin decides to start the match for his team and jogs across the ring, still barking his head off. Jasper Romero looks most confused by this, but steps into the ring anyway and again makes sure his mullet is at it's finest before he goes into action. Frankie offers up a knucklelock, drawing Romero in...before pulling it away and sweeping behind Romero with a double leg takedown! Back to a seated position hops Romero, but Frankie grabs him in a waistlock to keep him controlled. TENAY Here's another advantage the Sooners have...they're both superb amateur wrestlers and can go to the mat with the best of them. Romero tries to squirm free. But Frankie hangs onto the waistlock tightly, so Romero uses his leverage against him and levers himself up to his feet, popping Frankie in the jaw with an elbow on the way. Romero lands another two elbows to free himself and hits the ropes in front, only to run straight into a boot to the chest! Stumbling backwards, Romero then almost falls prey to a devestating SOONERLINE... ...but manages to duck and scuttle from the ring to collect his thoughts. TENAY That was a close one! Romero and Black have done their homework I'm sure and they know they must, must, avoid those devestating Soonerlines that both Frank and Frankie utilise. COLE Indeed...we saw them take out everyone in their paths with them during the Lethal Rumble Match last week. As Frankie waits on all fours, Romero composes himself and re-enters the ring. Again Frankie offers up a knucklelock, but this time Romero swats it away and snatches on a side headlock. Frankie quickly goes to the ribs with some forearms and escapes behind into a hammerlock. Swinging out with an elbow, Romero suddenly finds himself spun around as Frankie ducks the elbow, stepping in front and keeping the hammerlock applied as he throws 'Romeo' overhead with a Hammerlock Release Belly To Belly Suplex! "OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Romero lands with his arm beneath him, rolling in agony as Frankie gives the crowd a little more barking before tagging in his brother. The Man Of Tommorrow casually steps in and pulls Romero up, wringing the arm and DRIVING his elbow into the shoulder...and again! Keeping hold of the arm, Frank then flips Romero onto his back and drops a leg across the arm. Frank then crosses his other leg over top of the arm, applying a short-arm scissors. TENAY The Sooners seem to be targeting the arm here which is a much more controlled strategy than simply coming in and throwing their opponents around. And in a single elimination environment such as this, you have to be able to do that. It's all very well winning and winning well, but one mistake and you could be gone completely. Frank is making no mistake with his work on the arm, as he tightens on the short-arm scissors. Trying for an escape, Romero prepares to roll backwards. That puts too much torque on his arm though, so he instead snaps his boot forward and catches Frank in the face...repeatedly, until he finally breaks away. Both men come to their feet and Frank goes to the arm. Romero sidesteps and pushes Frank off into the ropes. Back charges the Sooner, but Romero manages to leapfrog over him! And as Frank rebounds a second time, Romero lands a beautiful standing dropkick to the jaw! Managing not to land on his bad arm Romero is then able to scramble over and tag in his more experienced partner, Nathan Black. COLE In comes Black, who we could probably call the 'captain' of the team. TENAY Certainly. Black is somewhat of a mentor to his younger partner and he reached the final of the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship tournament last year, losing to Bohemoth in that match. Scooping Frank off the canvas, The Iceman sends his opponent into the corner with an irish whip...and follows in, slamming his forearm into the jaw of The Man Of Tommorrow! Frank falls to a knee, only to be pulled up by Black. Setting Frank up, Black then attempts a suplex. Frank proves too powerful and/or heavy to take over though, so Black ends up settling for some CLUBBERING~! forearms across the back! "BOO - MER SOO - NER!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "BOO - MER SOO - NER!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "BOO - MER SOO - NER!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Not allowing the hostile crowd to affect him, The Iceman then sends Frank across the ring into the opposite corner, looking for another big forearm in the buckles... ...AND MISSES! Black crashes into the turnbuckles, as Frank narrowly avoids the contact. Back staggers Black, straight into a waistlock and a German, with a bridge... 1... 2... Kickout! Despite the kickout, Frank hangs onto the waistlock doggedly and drags Black up to his feet for another German attempt. This time, Black hooks his foot around The Man Of Tommorrow's leg and blocks the move...and blocks again. His reward is a heavy forearm to the spine, sending him sprawling forward. Frank tags in Frankie before he then pulls Black up, sending him into the ropes with a whip and stepping aside to allow Frankie to execute a BIG powerslam!! 1... 2... Kickout! TENAY These Frankensteiners are just so explosive...so damn powerful! And as they gain more experience, they're going to become a force to be reckoned with! Frankie comes up and waits on Black, possibly for a SOONERLINE~! Trying to enter the ring, Jasper Romero is stopped by Charles Robinson and that in turn distracts Frankie who storms over to get rid of Romero. He turns his back on Black though, allowing him to sneak up behind Frankie and spin him around... ...SOONERLI... ...NO, DUCKED! Black ducks the Soonerline, catching Frankie in a half nelson and lifting him into a Half Nelson Backbreaker!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Wow! He got him up, just enough to land that devestating backbreaker variation! TENAY Just as we mentioned before the match, these men possess deceptive strength and we just saw some of it there! Having just been folded up across Black's knee, Frankie writhes in pain. Black is meanwhile heading across the apron and up towards the top rope. Frankie is still down in the centre of the ring as Black reaches the top and with no hint of playing to the crowd, being an Iceman and all, he soars off the top with a picture perfect Diving Kneedrop that almost drives right through Frankie's sternum!! Black makes the cover moments later... 1... 2... ...FRANK BREAKS THE PIN! "YYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Frank gives poor Charles Robinson a verbal tongue lashing on his way out of the ring, while Black sets about pulling Frankie over to his corner and making the tag to Romero. Together, The GBA pull Frankie back to his feet and send him into the ropes with a double irish whip, landing a double back elbow to put The Psycho Gremlin down. TENAY I think The GBA are simply trying to consolidate some sort of advantage now, trying to slow the Sooner Bruisers' momentum down. They've slowed the pace and they're keeping the Man Of Tommorrow out on the apron. Now the legal man, Romero pulls Frankie up and pops him with a forearm. He follows that up with a boot to the gut and then shows impressive strength to hoist Frankie onto his shoulders, carrying him across the ring for a simple fireman's carry and following that up with a legdrop! Romero then fixes his mullet, before hitting a second legdrop. With a combo in sight, Romero then hits the ropes and goes for a third legdrop...MISSES! Frankie rolls out of the way and Romero ends up jarring his spine on the mat. He's straight back up though and lunges over to tag Black, The Iceman rushing into the ring to prevent Frankie from reaching his corner. TENAY An important save made by The Iceman there. And a very smart tag from Jasper Romero Unloading with forearms, Black manages to back Frankie into the ropes and then sets him for an irish whip. Frankie spins out of the whip though, pulling Black in with a short-arm and popping him over with a T-Bone Suplex! TENAY But all of The GBA's good work is undone with just one suplex! Black goes tumbling across the ring, as Frankie climbs back up. And smartly, he gives in to his partner's request and MAKES THE TAG!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" TENAY And here comes Frank!! The Man Of Tommorrow, Frank Frankensteiner, steps into the ring to a big pop from the crowd. First in line is Jasper Romero, as he runs in and gets sent HIGH overhead with a backbody drop! Frank then grabs Black, throwing him overhead with a Release Belly To Belly Suplex! Staggering up, Romero advances on Frank..but gets caught and thrown in Release Belly To Belly style as well!! Frank then goes back to the legal man in the match, pulling The Iceman up and sending him into the corner, before following in with a big clothesline! Black slumps into the corner, while Frank jogs across the ring and grabs Romero, whipping him into a pile-up in the corner with his partner...and nailing them both with a clothesline in the corner! COLE The Man Of Tommorrow is knocking both of his opponents straight into next week! TENAY What domination being shown by Frank Frankensteiner...and look, his partner can just afford to watch on! Casually, Frank throws Romero out of the ring like SO much trash. He's only concerned with the legal man, Nathan Black, who goes high overhead and lands on his shoulder from a brutal T-Bone Suplex! Crawling over, Frank makes the pin... 1... 2... ...BUT BLACK IS OUT AT TWO! Undettered, Frank pulls Black back up. Sending him into the ropes, Frank then catches Black on the rebound, spinning The Iceman around with ease and planting him with his patented Tilt-A-Whirl Suplex! FRANK HUH!?! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" TENAY Well I think it may be Frankensteiner time! COLE Oh yeah, they're both ready! TENAY No, no...THE Frankensteiner. COLE Yeah, but which one!?! TENAY ... Pulling up Black, Frank is indeed setting up for The Frankensteiner, whipping Black into the ropes...but Black holds on, stopping his momentum. In charges Frank, but Black beats him to it and lands a high knee! Frank stays up, so Black charges again...and gets caught again. Another Overhead Release Belly To Belly sends Black soaring... ...BUT HE GETS RIGHT BACK UP!! TENAY FIGHTING SPIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT~! Yet to notice, Frank shows off his peaks for the fans, before turning around... ...BLACK LARIAT... ...IS DUCKED!! Black skids to a halt and turns, met by a boot to the gut and snatched into a double underhook. Knowing what comes next though, Black frantically throws and fits until he struggles free, twisting out in front of Frank and kicking him in the gut. Black then switches behind and applies a waistlock, ready for the Anarchistic License (Chaos Theory). Stubbornly, Frank puts up a fight. But Black releases the waistlock and clubs away at the back of Frank until he's weakened up, then charges for the corner. FRANKIE DUCK! Suddenly, Frankie Frankensteiner is in and yells for his brother to duck as he aims a SOONERLINE right at his head... ...Frank ducks... ...AND FRANKIE TAKES BLACK'S HEAD OFF!! TENAY OH! The devestating Soonerline, connects! Jasper Romero tries to get in, but Frankie barges him off the apron, as Frank falls back on top of Black... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* TENAY And that's it! One Soonerline and Nathan Black is put out! A convincing victory for the Sooner Bruisers here tonight and they will advance on! Frankie pulls his older brother up and pats him on the back, while Frank shows off the muscles one more time for his 'cyber-freaks'. BUFFER Your winners of the match, advancing on to the next round of The Anderson Cup...THE SOONER BRUISERS!!

COLE We understand that something's going on in the locker room...JOSH! (Cut to Josh Matthews, standing beside a locker room door with a piece of paper taped on it) JOSH Thanks, guys! I'm standing here in the locker room where, just moments ago, a contract was posted on this door by a top-ranking OAOAST official. This piece of paper (points at it), if signed, will automatically have the signee slated to face Brodie Lewis at Anglepalooza, as the OAOAST feels as if these fits of terror that Brodie has been raging upon officials, referees, and security guards throughout the past couple of weeks are completely unacceptable and want them to come to an end by forcing Brodie to focus her efforts on wrestling and more importantly, earning a title shot at the OAOAST World Women's Title that she claims has been kept from her... (Julie "The Shark" Sharcor, wearing a Team SHARK hoodie (designed like Team Tapout gear) and workout pants, walks into the shot) Josh backs up as far away as he can, in fright from the monster. Sharcor pulls a pen out from her pocket and signs the contract. She then looks over at Josh, who gets scared and trips backwards over his own feet, and walks off. Josh gets up, brushes himself off, and looks closely at the contract...then looks back into the camera in utter disbelief. JOSH Oh my Lord....Brodie Lewis...Julie Sharcor...someone's gonna DIE at ANGLEPALOOZA! (Cut back to a shot of Michael Cole & The Coach, both of whom have their mouths wide open in shock.) COLE Uh...uh...uh... COACH The two most violent women, if not PEOPLE, in that locker room, and they're gonna fight EACH OTHER at Anglepalooza? Josh was wrong. Someone won't die....EVERYONE'S GONNA DIE!

Backstage we SWOOP~!, to the Chicks Over Dicks locker room. Present are one chick and one di...uhm...anyway, Leon Rodez and Alix Maria Spezia are canoodling~! in the locker room, cuddled up on a bench together in happy merryment. After about five seconds though, those two ADD suffering love birds are bored of sitting around doing nothing and sit up right at the same time. RODEZ Okay, she's been gone longer than ten minutes which either means she's found someone with some alcohol or she's still looking. Grab your coat and let's go already. That camera pointed right at our faces is really killing the mood, know what I mean? What I'm planning needs a little...privacy. ALIX Why, what are we doing tonight? RODEZ The same thing we do every night, Ally... ALIX Try to take over the world!?! RODEZ No! Find a hotel room, order room service on the company expenses and engage in some casual sex. ALIX Oooohhhh...that sounds MUCH better! Lemme just write Krissy a note and let her know where we going. Not specifically where. Or, like, details. Gross-a-rific! That's what she'd say if she wasn't so bitter and jaded towards American pop culture. But, I just gotta let her know I'm okay. RODEZ (mumbling) She'll probably be too busy bra-burning to care. ALIX Excuse me, baby? Did you say something, my sweet? I didn't quite here you, my giant love turkey. RODEZ I said I like your hair. ALIX Oh. I could have sworn you said "She'll probably be too busy bra-burning to care." Well-ums, I guess my hearing amz not right. Why that makes me talk funny, I not know. Reaching into one of the kit-bags in the room (sure, neither COD member has a match, but what does that matter?) and pulls out a small notepad. The top page and presumably all the rest are heading "FROM THE ALTER OF ALIX", complete with a little mock-up picture of a smiling Alix wearing a Pope hat. Quite frankly, it's the best notepad ever devised. Unfortunately though, Alix has no reason to use it, as Krista barges through the door mere seconds later. KRISTA I might have guessed you'd be here. ALIX Well, DUH! This is half my locker room, just like your house is half my house. KRISTA Look, I already told you about that. It's my name on all the documents, so technically, if I catch you and your boyfriend in there making secret trysts, you're technically squatters and I'm well within my rights to grab my shotgun. But, I actually meant [i]him[/i]. Krista says the name with such destain that Rodez is taken aback. RODEZ I do have a first name you know. KRISTA So did Hitler. RODEZ What's your problem, exactly? KRISTA What's my problem? Let me tell you exactly what my problem is, junior. My problem is that little cretins like you have no sense of commitment to people you're supposed to care about. My problem is that you're a jackass. I have other problems, but I'll save those for my next counselling session thank you very much! Oh, I almost forget. Seeing as it's still sorta the holiday season, I decided to pick you up a late present, unfortunatley it's not a suicide bomber... Turning around, Krista opens the door and there stands the still weeping Jade Rodez. Whether she's sobbing because of what happened earlier with Ned or the fact that Krista blatantly left her standing in front of a closed door for a minute and a half isn't clear, but she runs forward into her brother's arms regardless. LEON (NAME-CHANGE!) Hey, hey, it's okay sis, I'm here...*to Krista* What have you done to her!?! KRISTA Oh you know, I just saved her from Ned Blanchard while you were busy trying to get into my sister's underwear. No biggy. Ironic, isn't it kiddo? Here I am, having to watch out for the two little girls in your life at the same time, while you're too busy to care about either of them. LEON You want ironic. Here you are, giving me advice on how to look after people...and your own daughter is where? Krista...usually so mellow, sweet and innocent of course and never, ever confrontational, honest...begins to glare a burning hole through Leon. Even Leon, mr sweetness and light, is beginning to get frustrated with the barrage of criticism being thrown his way. KRISTA Oh, you think know me, little boy? You think I should just quit this job, and stay at home with my daughter like a good 1950's housewife. Is that it? Alrighty then. I'll do that the second you tell me who's going to keep her clothed? Who's going to keep her fed? Who's going to keep her in private schools? Who's going to buy her everything she wants and needs and then some. Certainly not any man, because her father, who has all the redeeming qualities of a serial rapist, has decided that aside from sending a birthday card that arrives two months too late, he doesn't want anything to do with the beautiful child he helped bring into this world. So don't you dare tell me my business, you miserable sack of shit, or I'll leave you on your back flatter than two week old Diet Pepsi! That stuff sucks and so do you. You're too busy trying to get 'some' with MY sister to even watch YOUR sister's match! You sicken me. Infact, you do even worse. You knot up my stomach. You congest by bowels. You contort my intestines. But more than that...you remind me of Ned, which therefore makes me want to vomit everytime that I see you. You lack commitment. You're not there for your sister. You're never there for your 'girlfriend'. Yo... LEON Listen, I don't need this... KRISTA I think you do, because evidently, you [i]still[/i] don't seem to give a crap about your sister despite the fact she's sobbing into your shoulder. And all my sister is to you is a fuck-buddy...no offence Ally. ALIX (listening to her iPod) BY KEEPING HER HEART PROTECTEEEED, SHE NEVER EVER FELT REJECTED. LITTLE MISS APPREHENSIVE. I SAID OOOOOOH SHE FELL IN LOVE.... KRISTA Ugh. I was going to ask you if you still remembered what happened to her at Climax, but I'd be shocked if you even cared in the first place. While my sister was getting dismantled by the Global Party Exchange, where were you? Where were you when she was crying out for help, when she needed you the most? Where were you when I had to stand in my corner and listen to my own sister screaming in agony, bawling her little brown eyes out while she was humiliated and dragged through every last level of hell? I'll tell you where you were, 'LeeLee'...you were with good ol' Zack Malibu, weren't you. You were probably both getting a good ol' kick out of it, weren't you. Hey, I bet it even turned you on, Mr Pornstar. Oh, I know how you got seeing her in that submissive position, with all those guys having their way with her. Didn't you? And now, let me ask you something else. Where were you, when YOUR sister was crying her eyes out...all over my expensive new top no-less...crying out for help. Where were you? NOWHERE! Again, it's Krista to the rescue, like a blond Linda Carter. Newsflash, 'LeeLee'. I don't care for you and your kind... LEON My KIND? KRISTA Yeah. You know, pornstars. What did you think I meant? LEON I...don't actually know. Carry on. KRISTA Aw, thank you....Look, I don't give a damn about you. I'm simply forced to have you contiaminate the air I breathe because for some inane reason, Alix seems to like you. But I'm not gonna see her get hurt again. Yes, I know, Krista shows emotion, shock horror. So, how about you take this in your stride buddy, go and sort out your sister and think about things while you're at it. Still with his sister in his arms, the silent Leon shuffles himself and his hanger-on past Krista and towards the door. Before he can leave though, Krista throws an arm in the way and stops them. KRISTA Oh and one more thing...make sure Ned gets what he deserves.

As we come back to HeldDOWN~! from commercials from our WONDERFUL sponsors, Daft Punk's "One More Time" plays in the background and Jade Rodez stands in the ring having a leisurely chat with referee Mike Sparks. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following Women's Division contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Grand Rapids, Michigan...she weighs in at one hundred, fourty six pounds... JADE HEY! BUFFER ... JJAAAAAADDEEEEEEE RRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Jade salutes the crowd with a beaming smile on her face. But the fun and games are brought to an abrupt end as Lunatic Calm's "Leave You Far Behind [instrumental]" reverberates around the arena and the scowling Serena Blackmore appears on the stage. BUFFER And the opponent. Hailing from Philidelphia, Pennsylvania...she weighs in at one hundred and fifty six pounds. SSEEEEERRREEEEEEENNAAAAAA BBLLLAAAAAAACCKKMMMMMOOOOOORRRRRREEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE We have a lot of history in this match, going back to the days of the Christian Wright-Leon Rodez feud. Serena debuted as help for Wright and she brutally attacked the rookie Jade for her old friend. Since then, Serena's distanced herself from...well, everyone...while Jade has been down in OAOVW learning the ropes for the past half a year. CABOOSE Well, it's pretty obvious she's out of her depth. Serena destroyed her before and now, she's even more bitter. This is just going to be a nice little warm-up for Serena and her shot at the Women's Title in that 6 Way Scramble at AnglePalooza. COLE We haven't seen Jade for months though, so we may be in for a surprise... Striding down the aisle, Serena storms up the steps and straight across the ring towards Jade, SLAPPING her across the face without any warning what-so-ever! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* The bell quickly sounds as Jade hangs over the middle rope holding her face. Serena takes advantage as she drapes her leg over the back of her opponent's head, choking her across the middle rope! Serena's face contorts in fury as she forces downwards on the head, despite the reprimands from referee Sparks who has been caught as much by surprise by Serena's ferocity as Rodez is! CABOOSE Yep, we were sure in for a surprise. COLE Would you look at this vicious attack! Serena Blackmore isn't here to play games tonight! Serena continues the choke until Sparks eventually pulls her off, which earns him a shove and a foul glare. Pulling Jade off the ropes, Serena now goes on a more route one attack. A hard forearm slams into Jade's jaw, sending her staggering backwards a couple of steps. Allowing Serena to get a run-up on a second forearm, with enough force to snap Jade's head back and send her crashing to the mat! Jade's eyes are already looking hazy. But Serena has no mercy and hauls Jade right back up by the hair, in order to nail another stiff forearm strike. This time Jade falls in the corner, her head resting on the middle turnbuckle as her scrambled brain begins to collect itself. Well, until Serena squashes it against the buckle with a running knee! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SERENA ARE YOU WATCHING ASHLEY!?! ARE YOU WATCHING!?! Serena screams right into the camera before she drags Jade up again. The young rookie is dis-orientated and is having trouble even standing at the moment, but instinctively starts swinging with some quick rights in the hope that she'll connect somehow. Serena avoids each and every one of them though, waiting for her chance to attack. Stepping behind, she hits a quick back suplex and tries a cover... 1... 2... Kickout. Glaring at Sparks as she stands, Serena casually punts Jade in the ear! Jade howls in pain and tries to crawl away. But Serena grabs her by the shorts and halts her progress, then slams her boot into the back of Jade's head ruthlessly! "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Sneering at the chants, Serena picks Jade up. A scoop...and a slam, before Serena measures Jade up and drops a vicious, Regal style knee to the top of the forehead that has Jade writhing. Serena affords a slight smile as she makes a cover, grinding her forearm into Jade's face for good measure... 1... 2... Kickout! Angrily, Serena grabs Jade by the hair, pulling her head of the canvas...and simply HEADBUTTING her!! COLE Good Lord! CABOOSE Yowza...now, THAT's a woman! COLE You know, I'd love to know what this woman's problem is. There's some deep rooted stuff there for her to be so ruthless, so vicious, there just has to be! CABOOSE She grew up in Philly, Michael. Of COURSE she's vicious! With the cruel, mean scowl still etched on her face, Serena drags what's left of Jade up and hooks up her arms into a double underhook. A hard knee lands in the chest...which is well padded, if you catch my drift, but can't stand up to two more knees. Followed up with a Butterfly Suplex, executed crisply by Serena who goes straight into a pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Now Serena is really getting frustrated and takes it out verbally on Mike Sparks. Jade meanwhile clambers back up behind Serena, who is still argueing with the referee. But eventually she does turn around...AND JADE LANDS A FOREARM! Desperation, but it still has Serena reeling, caught totally by surprise. Jade lands another forearm...and another...another, then a fifth before whipping Serena into the corner with all she has left inside. After a quick fire up of the crowd, Jade then finds the energy to charge in with some DOUBLE KNEES~! in the corner! Serena stumbles out...into a small package!! 1... 2... NOOOO!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd groan in disappointment, as Jade lands a forearm on Serena as the two get to their feet. She then lands a second. Going for a third though, Jade forearms nothing but sole as Serena kicks the forearm attempt away. Serena then boots Jade in the gut and picks her up over the shoulder, before trying to lever the youngster down her back for the Air Raid Cra...COUNTERED! Sunset Flip!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE Almost a shock win! Tremendous fight being shown by the youngest Rodez sibling! CABOOSE But all she's doing is catching Serena by surprise. Eventually, Serena's gonna get wise to it and make extra certain she drops Jade on her head, properly. Scrambling up, Serena manages to land first shot with a knee deep in the breadbasket. Jade doubles over and Serena capitalises, with a quick snap suplex. That at least gives Serena her momentum back and time to shake off some cobwebs, before she turns and encourages Jade to get back up. The punishment Jade has taken is telling now and she's slow to recover, reaching her knees and stopping momentarily. She then reaches one knee...which is when Serena charges... ...SHINING ENZIGURI MISSES!! Jade grabs a front facelock on Serena as she lands in front of her, trapping Serena and giving the youngster from Grand Rapids chance to climb fully back up, before spiking Serena with a simple but effective DDT! COLE Now, that may just turn the tide of this match! Now Jade is getting another rush of adrenaline, or something from somewhere to spur her back to her feet. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Jade waits for Serena to reach her knees, then runs forward and lands a Million $ Kneelift. Away sprawls Serena, a look of anger masking the fact she's seeing stars right now as she falls into the corner. Jade is right behind her and grabs hold of Serena's black locks, pulling her head back and slamming it into the turnbuckle... ...and again... ...again... "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!!!!!" Looking distinctly dazed, it's Serena's turn to stumble around throwing phantom right hands. Jade waits for the flurry to come to a stop before, with a beaming smile on her face, takes Serena into a Cobra Clutch...and wrenches her down across a knee with a modified Backbreaker!! Brushing Serena off of her knee, Jade then hooks a leg and makes the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Jade is already up, not about to waste time arguing the count. Instead, she waits on Serena to get back up, impatiently hopping on the spot as she waits. CABOOSE So, she didn't learn the art of selling at OAOVW then? COLE Hush! Pulling herself up, the look on Serena's face says that Jade is in trouble. But little does Serena know that Jade is waiting on her, anticipating the moment Serena turns around and fires off an Enziguri towards the face (Gamengiri)...NO! Serena swats the potent kick away! Landing on her front, Jade realises she's in trouble and rolling onto her back, sitting up... ...AND GETTING KICKED CLEAN IN THE GOD-DAMNED FACE!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! COLE OH, she knocked her out!! She knocked her clean out!! Jade does indeed look KOed. But Serena isn't content with merely knocking her opponent unconscious. She wants to put an exclamation mark on the result...maybe even a tildebang~! Reaching over her motionless opponent, Serena grabs a handful of hair and sits Jade up, wrapping on a body scissors from the front and clamping on Sweet Serenity (Seated Front Dragon Sleeper)!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Coming back to her senses, Jade finds herself trapped. And she has hardly any senses left. Certainly not enough to escape the hold... *TAPTAPTAP!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *DINGDINGDING!* CABOOSE What did I tell you...a walk in the park. The bell sounds, but Serena doesn't care. Still she clings onto the hold, wrenching the neck of Rodez with fire in her eyes. COLE Come on...break the hold! BREAK THE HOLD! This match is OVER! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE This is ridiculous, get some people out here already!! CABOOSE Calm down Michael, she might just be a little hard of hearing. *DINGDINGDING!* Finally Serena releases the hold and pie-faces the decimated Rodez away from her as she climbs to her feet. The sound of boos rings out through the arena as Serena stares down at Jade, fuming, almost shaking in anger as she runs her hands through her hair. And slowly, a sick smile emerges on her face. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE There is something wrong with that woman, some sort of mental imbalance. She's mentally unstable, look at her! CABOOSE Oh, quit being such a drama queen! Leaving the ring, the still fuming Blackmore storms back up the aisle as the boos continue raining down on her. On the way, Serena briefly turns around and makes a quick "belt motion", before she finally leaves. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Jade Rodez is being helped from the ring. She's groggy and her neck is obviously in tremendous pain, but Jade brushes Sparks away as she wants to leave the ring on her own power. And that earns her warm applause from the fans...

This needs to go directly after the match, please. NED So, how old did you say she was? Waiting right behind the curtain, is "The Handsome Hustler" himself, Ned Blanchard. The camera pans around to Simon Singleton, crouched over a laptop. With a few quick rattles of the keys, Simon looks up and smiles. SIMON Eighteen. Also, her favourite colour is purple and she likes long walks in the moonlight. NED Eighteen, huh? Well, if it's legal in Canada, it's legal to me. Let's do this... SIMON Look, Ned, are you sure Jimmy's got this right? I really don't think we CAN make Leon angry. Have you seen the guy? He's always happy! Always! NED No, Jimmy's right, everybody's got a weak spot. And once we're done with Leon's, he's going to be so blinded with rage that he'll be easy pickings come AnglePalooza Right on cue, the exhausted looking Jade Rodez staggers through the curtains. Holding her neck and limping slightly, Jade staggers past the 'gorilla position' and comes to a sudden stop at the sight of Ned Blanchard leant up against the wall on one elbow. The smile on his face could be described as nothing but 'suspicious', arousing suspiscion from Jade. NED Hey baby, does the word 'moist' mean anything to you? JADE Excuse me? SIMON Uhm...I think what my partner meant to say was, you look exhausted. We saw your match and you did real good out there. JADE Aw, thanks, that's sweet of you to say that. NED Oh yeah...we were [i]real[/i] impressed! Leaning himself off the wall, Ned SWAGGERS~! over to Jade. NED Sure, it was a shame you didn't win. But that's no reason to be glum in this, the holiday season. Christmas may be gone, but I've still got some mistletoe hanging...maybe I might get a kiss under it? JADE Well, you never know. *giggles* SIMON (mumbling) Just wait until you see where he's hung it. NED Well, it just so happens that there's an exclusive party in my pants tonight and I have one invite left. Fancy it? JADE Ugh! Don't tell me that's the best line you've got. NED Oh, far from it. What's got 10 inches and speaks French? Ned points to his crotch. NED Moi. JADE That's terrible. Taking another step forward, Ned brushes a lock of hair from the cowering Jade's face and makes a kissy face. NED And...is that the way you like it? JADE Get off of me you pervert! NED Oh, what, don't tell me you don't LIKE all this attention! Come on, don't be a tease. Didn't your brother teach you how to put out? JADE EXCUSE ME!?! NED Oh come on, we've all heard the rumours. We all have to learn about the birds and the bees someway. Of course, there's ways and then there's...'ways'. But, who are we to judge? Trust me though, I can show you things your brother NEVER could. *Jade tries to brush Ned off* No? And here was me thinking being a dirty whore ran in your famil... Suddenly, Jade lunges out and tries to SLAP~! the taste out of Ned's mouth...but Ned catches her arm and swiftly snatches a hold on her throat, wheeling the defenceless Jade around and pinning her against the wall by the throat!! NED Big mistake, honey! Unfortunately for you I don't just break hymens, I break necks as well! So, which is it to be? JADE (choking) [i]Guh... gah... get off...[/i] NED Get off on you? I fully intend to, don't you worry about that. JADE (still choking) [i]Hel... Help... *ACH!*[/i] NED Ssh ssh ssh! Save your breath, baby. You don't need to struggle...although, it IS kind of a turn-on. All that sex stuff, I was just joking around, flirting with you, you know how it is. No no, all Neddy wants is a little New Year's kiss. Now, is that really too much to ask? Jade, [i]still[/i] still choking, tries to struggle free of Ned's grasp. But the martial arts master isn't about to let a sub-150 pound woman get out of his kung-fu grip, continuing to pin her against the wall as he puckers up. Just for good measure, he gives a quick lick of the lips before leaning in and planting a big one right on the lips of Jade... ...before throwing her down and spitting on the floor. NED Ugh...ugh, oh God. That's disgusting. I can still taste your brother's cock on your breath! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Good God. In the background, The Sultan Of Sarcasm goes into hysterics, as Ned Blanchard reaches into his pocket and grabs himself a mint. Ned then tosses the half eaten packet at Jade, who sits up against the wall sobbing and shaking. NED Tell your brother, we'll see him at AnglePalooza. And hey, once you do me a favour and have a couple of those mints, maybe you can tag along afterwards for a little celebration with the NEW Tag Team Champions! Haha! Come on Simon, I think I need a shower all of a sudden. The two New, New Midnights share a hearty laugh before turning to leave. Only, they come to a dead stop, as Ned finds himself face to face with a certain blast from the past. Namely, Krista Isadora Duncan. KRISTA I couldn't agree more with you. Well well, aren't we the 'goomba' all of a sudden. Terrorising defenceless little girls. It's hardly you is it, Ned. What's next...breaking a new born puppy's kneecaps? Drive-by shooting on a flock of ducklings? SIMON Hmmm. I don't think a group of ducklings would be a 'flock', to be honest. But I can look it up. KRISTA To be honest I don't really give a shit what you think, Jane Goodall. Now you can look up and see my fist heading directly to your ugly face or you can keep your mouth shut and narrowly avoid having that laptop inserted into your scrawny ass. Is this show broadcast on Animal Planet now? Am I gonna have Huey, Dewey and Louie writing me angry letters about how I misrepresented their species? Ned, your partner wants an ornotholigist in here, go run along and get one you child-benefit dodging, second-rate Bobby Eaton! Or, are you the other one? Who cares, they were both over-rated. And they probably scrimped on benefits too. I'm not your puppet, so quit pulling my strings. I'm sick of you. Just looking into your emotionless eyes makes me long for the days when I'm so intoxxicated that even Frankie Frankensteiner looks like a potentially hunky specimin to spawn offspring with. You sicken me. So, Neddy, how about you do an old friend one teensy weensy favour and do something you're so used to doing nowadays...'beat it'. Only, not your appendage or for that matter your partner's, but your entire self. Go. And that remote control buggy you bought Maya didn't have batteries included, moron! How am I supposed to play with something that has no batteries? You owe me 50 bucks, for the batteries and all the liqour I had to drink on the way to the store. And all the liqour I bought while I was there. See you in court! By now, Ned has wisely left, dragging his partner with him. Krista watches on with arms folded, before turning around to the sound of sobbing behind her, coming from Jade Rodez who is still huddled up against the wall, head tucked between her knees. Instantly, Krista's blackened heart melts into an extremely dark grey. KRISTA (in a motherly tone) Are you okay, sweetie? Jade pitfully mouthes the word "No", which further melts Krista's heart from a dark grey all the way down to a Samovar Silver. Krista helps her up...which Jade mistakes as an offer for a shoulder to cry on. Silently, Krista bemoans her no doubt ruined top as she helps Jade off and out of shot, leaving us to face back to Trip'C! COLE What an utterly deplorable human being Ned Blanchard is! I feel physically sick! CABOOSE So do I. But we'll talk about me being stuck here four days after New Year's Day with you and Doucheman another time. COLE How does Ned Blanchard sleep at night!?! COACH He doesn't, because he stays UP! ALL! NIGHT! HAHAHA! COLE Ugh! Let's go to something else...

So, can anyone tell me why Rapidshare's telling me my IP is downloading a file already when it's clearly not? To get me to go through the Premium service? Or just a computer screw-up?

Eh. You either like Hero or you hate him. Personally, I'm a big fan of the guy. He's improved physically to massive extents in the past few years and he's one of the best heels on the entire indy circuit. The past couple of years, his feuds with Quack in CHIKARA, Arik Cannon in the IWA and Eddie Kingston in...well, pretty much everywhere, have all been superb. Chris Hero, the anti-ROH heel, would be great if it turns into a regular deal. I would pay so much money to see that, you wouldn't believe it. Yeah, I hear that from a lot of people. It was supposed to be an 'exhibition' match though, because Quack and Hero had their students around the ring and were supposedly best buddies. He's lost a lot of the opening chain sequences since turning heel though and his matches get to a point much quicker. Hopefully for the Dragon match, they'll keep the European stuff a little shorter than the other Hero/Dragon matches I've seen, all with Hero as the face, and get to the strikes like everyone'll be dieing to see.

So, who do we send promos to?