COLE
Well Coach, you’re not going to believe who we will be hearing from next.
COACH
Damaramu!!
COLE
….no. It seems, earlier today, a videotape was anonymously dropped off at the OAOAST Towers. There was no sign of who left the tape or why…instead, it was just placed right on the doorstep, waiting to be found. On that tape? Why, none other than Drek Stone.
COACH
My boy!!
COLE
Right. The Heavyweight Champion that has abruptly taken a hiatus from the OAOAST for the past month. The fighting champion that, instead of defending his gold, has been casually resting and drinking strawberry daiquiris the past month.
COACH
Strawberry daiquiris…ridiculous. I can assure you Drek Stone is not into chick drinks. Vodka, straight up from the bottle, is how we do!
COLE
You’re missing the point here. Coach, Drek has always felt he was better than everybody else. That much is true. But he has reached a new height of absurdity now. He doesn’t show up at any of the house shows. He doesn’t show up at any HeldDowns. Hell, once the Board of Directors cleared him from competing in the Triple Cage match at November Reign, he skipped the Pay-Per-View entirely! The primary spokesperson for the OAOAST…and he refuses to come to the shows! And now, you see this. He has somebody just dump this videotape on the doorstep. He doesn’t have the courtesy to have them hand off the tape to an associate instead. God forbid he come and do it himself. And this is supposed to be enough to clear him from his actions this month? It’s ridiculous.
COACH
Hey, excuse me Cole. Take off the cowboy boots and get off your high horse for a second. You’re forgetting that Drek Stone has agreed to make an appearance at Mainframe Monday coming up next week. Better than that, he’s going to be defending the title…against one of three opponents that will remain a mystery until we get to that night! You can’t criticize the man for not defending the title when he’s going to be doing so in only a matter of days!
COLE
Well, where has he been the past month?!
COACH
It doesn’t matter! For all you know, he is just now fully recuperated from that Towel Match with PRL! What does matter is that he has a videotape he wants us all to watch and you’ve condemned the man before he’s had a chance to explain himself! Why don’t you listen to him before you read the riot act?
COLE
Sure, whatever. Let’s see what our glorious Heavyweight Champion has to say. Roll the footage.
The scene opens to catch a wonderful vision of the spectacularly lit Rockefeller Christmas Tree proudly displayed in midtown New York City. Adorned in colorful lights and displayed in all its glory, the massive tree glitters in the chilly winter night as awed onlookers glance up at the gigantic holiday monument. After a few moments, the camera glimpses downwards to capture some of the excited holiday revelers ice-skating around the Rockefeller Ice Rink, some doing figure-eights and others taking an embarrassing fall on the ice, but all enjoying themselves nevertheless. It’s a fantastic depiction of the Christmas season in New York City and it just warms the heart.
Of course, that warmness turns frigid only a moment later as Drek Stone steps in front of the camera, bundled up in a smooth leather coat. Exhaling a deep breath and letting the mist partially fog up the camera lens, Drek adjusts the sparkling Heavyweight Title around his shoulder, making sure it’s fully displayed in front of the camera.
DREK
Oh, I know you all missed me. I know you all have been sitting home the past month, wondering where I’ve disappeared to and whether I was ever coming back. Whether I had just decided life was too busy for me again and, on the totem pole of priorities, the OAOAST was dead last. I know some OAOAST fans and stockholders were nervously biting their nails, asking if I was going to pull a Hoff and just give up my gold without ever losing it in the ring. Well, to all of you, I simply need to say…chill. That’s it. Just chill.
Drek walks over to the Rockefeller Tree and makes sure to stand directly in front so that the rest of his message is aided by the enormous tree in the background.
DREK
First off, if you think I would ever willingly give up this belt, you’re out of your mind. Why would I want to give up a prize that fully establishes just how much better I am than everybody else? If I could, I would take this gold to the grave with me. Not because I respect the OAOAST, but because I respect what the title has done for my reputation. With this, I become more marketable and more successful than I am without it. It’s the most powerful steppingstone I’ve ever seen. And to think that I would give up the gold without having it torn out of my hands is just craziness. Hoff doesn’t have the grand visions I do, so he never had this same belief. He never wanted to be the worldwide powerhouse and household name that I do. He doesn’t care about the fame, the glory, the riches, the women. That’s fine for him, but Hoff and I are two different cats. I’ll readily admit I’m a shallow son of a bitch. The more material goods I can get, the happier I’ll be, and this title is a pawn in helping me accomplish that. I could care less if the past wrestling greats like Anglesault and Zack Malibu held the belt. I just care about what the belt can do for [i]me[/i] and what it can help [i]me]/i] accomplish. And if that pisses off some of the guys in the back or some of the fans watching that I don’t respect this sport and its history and blah-blah-blah, it doesn’t matter. Not in the slighest. All that should matter is that I will never relinquish this belt readily, so I hope I eased some tension on that front at the very least.
DREK
Now, let me address the second matter. Where have I been the past month? Well, to put it plainly, I was busy. There were certain things I needed to handle myself. Two months ago, the very talented director Steven Soderbergh came to me with a role in mind for his upcoming blockbuster film Ocean’s Thirteen. Now any idiot can see that an acting gig of this prominence takes precedent over any mere wrestling match. Think about it. Hanging out with the likes of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta Jones…or sharing a locker room with Bruce Blank and Stephen Popick? Now I’m not going to say the role is going to win me an Oscar. I mean, if the Academy becomes so won over by my performance that they throw me a Best Supporting Actor nomination, then I’ll be thrilled, I’ll admit. But from the second that Steven…yes, we’re on a first name basis now ever since I stayed a week at his summer home in Palermo…from the second he approached me with this gig, there was no way I couldn’t do it. I’ve been used and abused in the OAOAST since I came back. Bill Watts decides to use me as a guinea pig for his sick ideas and thinks I’m just going to take the abuse. Triple Cage match, huh Bill? Well, who got the last laugh, buddy. I wined and dined with the biggest celebrities in the world for a month and you were humiliated on an international platform when you couldn’t deliver the title match you promised at November Reign!
By now, Drek’s face is turning a darker tint of red – both from the cold and his anger.
DREK
Bill, you really thought the Board of Directors was going to nix my involvement in this film? You REALLY thought they were going to say “Hey Drek, we know you can get us some real media exposure if you do this movie…but BILL WATTS is more important”?! Are you out of your mind?! They were chomping at the bit for me doing this. If I could get Matt Damon to come to HeldDown one night and fight Tha Puerto Rican, I think they’d wet their pants in excitement. I’ve got Hollywood clout now, and you really think they were going to dismiss that clout for some no-nothing southern redneck whose career achievement has been tipping over nine cows in one night? So this is what I’ve been doing. And for all of you who think that, once again, I disrespected the federation and this title, you need to get over it. If I have the chance again, if Martin Scorsese comes over and needs me for Goodfellas II or James Cameron offers me the starring role in Titanic 2: Electric Boogaloo, you better believe I’ll be there. Title or no title. Because this stuff IS good for the OAOAST…and most importantly, it’s good for me.
DREK
But you see, not to worry. I’m not totally giving up my responsibilities as the Heavyweight Champion. Because in four days from now, the first-ever Mainframe Monday is going to be hitting televisions around the world. And yours truly is going to be competing in the Main Event…against one of three people. Of course, I’m not even going to mention how once again Bill Watts is trying to stick it to me by not telling me of my opponent until I walk out to the ring. I think it has been fully established the sick conspiracy he has against me. Instead, I’m going to focus on the three guys I’ve been placed against. I’ll admit, I haven’t watched much OAOAST programming the past month…I mean, come on, how many times is Alfdogg going to mock the hometown sports team before he gives it a rest…but I have caught bits and pieces.
DREK
For example, I know that CWM hasn’t showed his face in the OAOAST in about fifteen years at this point. His inclusion in this match just smacks of desperation. Bill trying to drum up some past OAOAST fans by indicating that this has-been could be taking part in the Heavyweight Title match. Unfortunately for Watts, I don’t see CWM even making it to the arena. Seriously now, the man can’t read! How is he going to make it to the arena if he can’t even grasp the English language? Folks, I don’t know how much backstage news you’re aware of, but the inanities that have come out of his mouth are amazing. He’s Miss Smackdown? When he was a dog, his dog ate his dad’s wedding ring? People, he got rejected by McDonalds! He couldn’t get a job at McDonalds! And YOU THINK he’s going to be able to make it to the show by himself? He’ll wind up in damned Abu Dhabi before he ever finds the arena by himself. And his intelligence aside, the man is finished in the ring. The last time he fought, he and Some Guy were dueling it out in a captivating legends match that, I swear to God, seemed like it was moving in slow motion. Don’t get me wrong, CWM. It was thrilling the way you were able to weakly limp across the ring at the speed of light so many months ago, but I think you need to hang up the boots now. Because, if you don’t, you will become another victim. I will end your livelihood like I ended the livelihood of the crippled AJ Flaire when I gave him that spinebuster through the steel chair. Folks, if you really are sadistic, you’re going to select CWM as my opponent for Mainframe Monday. Go ahead, I dare you.
DREK
Now, moving on. We come to the Present wrestler himself, Tony Brannigan. Ah Tony. We have quite the impressive history with one another at this point. You and Dan Black ruined my grand return at AngleMania V. To counter, I decimated you at Living Anglelously and quite easily earned the three count. Oh, and then after that, Hoff and I defeated you and Dan in the steel cage match at Syndicated. Uh huh, and months afterwards, I took you out with a Stonecutter on the arena floor at World Without End and busted your head wide open. Come to think of it, man, I’ve really exposed you as a loser, haven’t I? For the one time you got over on me, I’ve done it time and time again against you. Every single time we’ve fought and battled though, and I’m going to be honest here, you haven’t impressed me at all. To go even further, you haven’t showed me a damn thing. First off, you’re an amazing underachiever. Been fighting in the OAOAST so long that your nickname is Gramps, and all you have is a three week Heavyweight Title reign to show for it. Secondly, every time we fight, you crumble easily at the first sign of trouble. You pretend as though you’re some big, bad, muscular wolf…but you have no heart. You have no spirit. I swing once and you fall like a sack of potatoes. It’s been a common theme throughout your career. When the going gets tough, you fold! You’re unable to handle the pressure! You always have been! So why YOU THINK you deserve a Heavyweight Title shot is beyond me. You’ve been hounding me for months now wanting this gold. Why?! Why do you want a shot?! Why do you want to waste your time when you’re just going to fall apart again? Go ahead, folks. Throw away your vote and cast a choice for Tony Brannigan – the Ralph Nader of the OAOAST elections. I want to finally get him off my back and show him, once and for all, that he does not deserve to compete in the same ring that I do. I’m a worldwide superstar…and you’re the solid but unspectacular wrestler destined for mediocrity. So ladies and gentlemen, if you want Tony Brannigan, make sure to choose Selection #2.
DREK
Finally, we come to the last choice. The only one of the three who, I’ll admit, has definitely captured my eye as a worthy opponent…Landon Maddix. Now Landon, I don’t know much about you. I haven’t really had much interaction with you in the OAOAST yet, but you seem like a bright kid. You’re a talented athlete who may actually have a good future ahead of you. But I think it’s important that you remember your damn place in this company. Because, and correct me if I’m wrong now, I’m beginning to get the impression that since my hiatus from the OAOAST, you have began pretending…like you’re me. Cheating to win? Insulting Tony Brannigan? This is stuff [i]I[/i] do. Talking up one’s accomplishments and mocking the shortcomings of everybody else? That is [i]my[/i] personality exemplified. Abusing the crowd? You better realize that’s [i]my[/i] routine, buddy. Landon, call me paranoid, but I’m getting the impression that you WANT to be Drek Stone…and I have a major problem with that. Because nobody can be who I am. Nobody can come CLOSE to being who I am. And if you continue on the path you are now, I may have to show you that firsthand. The OAOAST does NOT revolve around you and your whole band of Wildcards. Zack may not have been man enough to split you all apart and demonstrate to each and every one of you that you guys from the Misfit Land of Toys ain’t as big or bad as you think you are. Well, believe me, I won’t have that problem. Landon, you may have been a big fish in the SWF, but you’re not anymore. Everything in this federation REVOLVES around me and it has since I’ve made my debut. You need to learn how to respect that principle and then maybe, just maybe, we’ll have an understanding. But if you keep rubbing me the wrong way, if you keep acting as though YOU’RE the top guy around here…if you keep this act of WANNABE DREK STONE…then I am making the promise that I WILL DO what Zack could not. Step your ass into line, Maddix. You’re a supporting character here, not the main star, and I’ll be damned if you try to make a name for yourself while I’m still here. Kid, you’re talented, but you’re entering a dangerous zone here. Folks, if you want to see how I might handle a talented but misled superstar like Landon Maddix, pick Choice 3. Drek Stone and Landon Maddix have never even been in the same ring before…but you can make it happen at Mainframe Monday.
DREK
Okay, well, that’s it. I’m going to be seeing one of these three guys in only four days…and man, am I excited. Drek Stone making his in-ring return once again at Mainframe Monday! Who’s going to get the enviable job of being pinned one-two-three or…maybe even better…tapping his hand against the mat? Will it be The Past: CWM, The Present: Tony Brannigan, or The Future: Landon Maddix? Only time will tell. And even more importantly…Ocean’s Thirteen coming to you June 8th, 2007! Buy your tickets on Fandango today and avoid the rush! Good night, ladies and gentlemen, and have a great holiday!
With a grin, Drek Stone stares up into the air at the spectacular tree before him as the faint sounds of Jingle Bells can be heard in the distance. The camera peels up to capture the star adorned at the top of the tree as the picture slowly fades to black.
COLE
Well, Drek clearly hasn’t lost any arrogance since he last appeared here.
COACH
If I had a damn outlet for this laptop, I could pre-order my tickets now! Ocean’s Thirteen, Michael! Didn’t you hear the news?!
COLE
Yeah, well, he better just get himself ready for Mainframe Monday. Because, and maybe this is just me, but Drek was looking a little soft there. Like he hasn’t worked out in a few weeks….
COACH
Nope, just you. Drek’s looking as fit and ready as ever! What the hell is wrong with you, Cole? That’s just disrespectful!
COLE
That’s disrespectful? Did you hear his comments about the Heavyweight belt?! About the history of this company? Did you hear him talk about how he could care less about this sport?! You’re going to say what I said was disrespectful?! Drek’s comments were downright disgusting!
COACH
What are you babbling about, Cole? You’re going to be able to see a movie with George Clooney and Brad Pitt and claim it’s simply for professional purposes. You should be thrilled, I would think.
COLE
Don’t forget Matt Damon too!! Anyway, folks, you still have four more days to make your selection for Mainframe Monday! CWM, Tony Brannigan, or Landon Maddix?! Who will fight for the title against Drek Stone? The choice is yours!
