NYU

We come back from commercial – HEAD ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD! – to find the ringside area looking downright elegant. Instead of a sweat-splattered ring mat, an extravagant red carpet has taken its place in the ring. Instead of two guys battling it out in the center, hurling literary punches and giving fictitious bodyslams, there is a mahogany desk with vast amounts of paperwork. And instead of a referee wearing a black-and-white striped shirt that went out of style decades ago, there is only Michael Buffer standing at attention with a microphone. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, we are going to have the OFFICIAL contract signing for the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship match at World Without End! “YEAAAHHHHHBOOOOOOOYEAHHHHHHHHBOOOOOOOOOO!!” The crowd is split right down the middle. Well, actually, in thirds. Some cheering for Drek Stone. Some cheering for Puerto Rican Lightning. And some refusing to cheer for either of them, simply booing the concept of the two men even going against each other at the Pay-Per-View. COACH Oh, all these contract signings end the same. COLE Surely you jest. COACH Oh, sure. Come on, Cole. Either Drek Stone is going to go through that table or he’s going to sign his contract with PRL’s blood. Those are the only two ways these contract signings ever end in the wrestling world. Nothing more. Nothing less. COLE I….well…..hmm. Well, maybe. BUFFER First, let me introduce the current Heavyweight Champion of the OAOAST. On Sunday October 1st, he will be marching into war at World Without End to do battle with Puerto Rican Lightning over the cherished golden championship around his waist. Please welcome DRRRRRRRRRREEEEK STOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You’d Be The Chosen One The crowd breaks out in a huge mixed frenzy of cheers and jeers as Drek Stone steps out through the curtains looking all business tonight. With the Heavyweight Title unsurprisingly strapped around his waist, looking as if it was proudly polished only a few minutes ago, Drek saunters down to ringside with an agitated sneer on his face. Not wanting to waste any time, he simply climbs the ring steps and slips through the ropes. COLE And it’s obvious that Drek Stone is still in a foul mood over what happened last week. COACH Of course he is. Puerto Rican Lightning managed to screw Hoff before Drek could screw PRL. I like both men, but the facts are the facts. PRL out-manuevered Drek Stone last week, and Drek is not the type of man to take being out-manuevered likely. As red, white, and green fireworks erupt from the four corners of the ring, Drek ignores the spectacular light show going on around him and simply sits on the sturdy, hardwood desk. COACH Will Drek be going through that table tonight?! It’s possible. Either that or he’s going to fill his pen with PRL’s blood. What will it be, folks?! One or two?! One…or….two?! COLE Two! COACH I say one! COLE The excitement! Once Drek Stone’s music starts to quiet down, Michael Buffer picks the microphone up to make his second introduction. BUFFER And his challenger for World Without End…. Suddenly Drek rudely snatches the microphone away from Michael Buffer and spits at the feet of the established ring announcer. DREK Your job is done for tonight, Buffer. Hey Lightning, get your Puerto Rican ass out here now! The lights go down, casting the arena in a shadow of mystery, as a massive Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. But Drek isn’t going to allow any of it. DREK NO! NO! CUT THE MUSIC! In big white letters, the words “THE CHAMP IS HERE” appear on the AngleTron with PRL screaming them in sync. DREK CUT THE MUSIC! A lightning bolt suddenly strikes the stage and the first few chords of “Know Your Role ‘99” starts blasting through the loudspeakers loud enough for the entire city of Atlanta to hear. DREK STOP THE MUSIC RIGHT NOW OR I’LL WALK! I’m not going to SIT HERE and listen to this! Puerto Rican Lightning steps to the top of the ramp with an amused smirk on his face as Drek throws a fit in the ring. DREK If that music isn’t stopped in the next five seconds, I’ll drop this belt right here in the ring without a moment’s hesitation, march to the sound booth, and break every single skull in that trailer. TRY ME! CUT THE MUSIC! KILL IT! ….five….. ….four…. ….three…. …and, much to his chagrin, Puerto Rican Lightning’s music starts to quiet down…. …two… …and now it’s off. Now it’s PRL who’s looking rather incensed over Drek Stone abruptly ending his triumphant walk to the ring. But still, Drek isn’t pleased. DREK I ain’t going for this victory stuff. Lightning, you wouldn’t let me have my moment last week so I’ll be DAMNED if you’re going to celebrate tonight. Just get in the ring so we can do this. PRL quickly nods his head and runs down the ramp, sliding into the ring and rising back up to his feet. In only a matter of seconds, he is now nose-to-nose with the respected Heavyweight Champion. PRL What’s the matter, Drek? You in a bad mood tonight? DREK …sign the contract. PRL Somebody steal your cannoli? Swipe your soccer ball? You upset the Sopranos aren’t going to be on for another couple of months? Is that it, buddy? Gritting his teeth, Drek only repeats what he said before. DREK ….sign….the….contract. PRL Oh, I got it. You’re just angry – you’re STILL BITTER – over the fact that I beat you at your own game last week. You thought you had it figured out by sending Hoff after me. Well, I sent a message to him. And I sent a message to you! And now you’re slowly resigning yourself to the fact that you have slightly less than a month left with that title before you and I are locked eye-to-eye in the middle of the ring at World Without End for the piece of gold around your waist. So that’s it, isn’t it? DREK You think you got it ALL figured out, don’t you? PRL Well then, what is it, Drek? Why was it so important tonight to stop my music tonight? To come out here with this angry scowl on your face? You trying to cut me down? You trying to make me look like a joke? DREK I don’t need to do anything to help out with that. PRL Oh yeah? Well, I think I got your figured out, Stone. I think that’s exactly what you’re trying to do. But you’re starting to scare yourself, see? Because, for all the jabs about my nationality you’ve been giving me….for the times you cut my music before I get down to the ring….for all the little immature things you try to do to me….it’s still not working. You see that I’m still just as dangerous, if not more dangerous, than I was last week. And that’s worrying the hell out of you. Because, you start to realize, if I could beat Hoff in seven minutes – what can I do to you? Although he hasn’t said a word to fight back against these comments yet, Drek’s eyes are flashing with rage as PRL continues to dress him down in a manner very few have. PRL So, yeah, let’s get this contract signing over and done with. I don’t want to waste my time with this just like you don’t want to waste your time with it either. So here, Drek…. Puerto Rican Lightning immediately picks up the black ballpoint pen, flips the contract over to the last page, and starts signing without reading a word. “PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING” PRL There’s my signature. I’ll see you at World Without End. PRL turns to step back through the ropes and walks away – but is stopped by Drek Stone firmly grasping his elbow and forcing him to stay. DREK Wait just a second there, pal. PRL furiously yanks his elbow away from the champion. DREK Like I was saying before – you think you got me figured out, huh? I’m not scared of you for finding a way to outthink me last week. In fact, I salute you for it! I came out here last week and insinuated that you were losing your touch. That you weren’t quite the man you once were. You couldn’t break the rules like you once did, couldn’t back up your mouth like you once could, and could never win the big one like you promised you would for years. And with one match last week, you proved me all wrong. So you know what, I’m clapping for you. Here. Drek drops the microphone to his feet and quickly begins clapping. With a suspicious glance, PRL stares at the champ as he picks his microphone back up. DREK There you go. Congratulations. But see, what I’m sure you realize about me by now is that I’m not the type of man that likes losing. I don’t take it lightly which is why I try to very rarely do it. And last week, I’ll admit it, I lost. I was supposed to make sure my man Hoff came out with the win and I couldn’t do it. You beat me and, once again, I congratulate for it. But you see, that’s where the props end. Because now your head is starting to get big. You’re starting to get an overinflated ego that I desperately need to pop before it floats away from this earth like a helium balloon. PRL cracks his neck, almost as if to dare the champion to bring it on, but Drek ignores him. DREK Lightning, you can brag all you want, but let’s face the facts here. Exactly what have you accomplished here in the OAOAST? You’ve been in this federation for more than three years. You’ve seen it transform from that quirky little federation with the humor that brought out “lols” from all into the colossal powerhouse it is today.Very few wrestlers today have been around quite as long as you. I mean, you are a TRUE veteran – and exactly what do you have to show for it? You don’t have any Heavyweight Title wins. You don’t have any BattleBowl victories under your belt. The only PPV Main Events you’ve been in, you’ve failed miserably with loss after loss. The closest you have EVER gotten to success was a title that you had to CREATE yourself. You’ve been in ladder matches, steel cage matches, Elimination Chamber matches….you’ve fought against some of the biggest names the OAOAST has ever seen in The Mad Cappa, Panther, Axel…all of them. You’ve supposedly been in them all and fought them all. So let me ask you – why do you have nothing to show for it? Drek picks the contract up off the desk and holds it up to PRL’s face. DREK You think this is your salvation, don’t you? You think this contract is going to save you from that crushing feeling in the pit of your stomach that your entire career has been a failure. Because, we all know, if you don’t win the Heavyweight Title at some point in your career, your career never really meant much at all. You, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You try to paint the image that I’M scared when you’re the one who hears the seconds ticking away. I left for seven months – seven. Just took my ball and went home. I came back. Starred in a double Main Event at AngleMania only weeks after I decided to come back. And only four months later, I was on top again as the Heavyweight Champion in the Main Event of AngleSlam. And you? You’ve fought battles against John Brickston. And Thunderkid. Wars you feel you should be higher than by now. Oh sure, you had a match against Stephen Popick at November Reign, but that was more a personal issue than you actually earning it. It scares you, PRL, that at this point in your career – you’re running in place. I’m soaring to legendary heights and you’re still trapped in the mediocrity of your career. Well, Lightning…. Drek puts the contract on the table and lifts the pen to start signing it itself. DREK This contract isn’t going to save your career. It’s only going to speed up its dying process. He flips the contract over to its last page, puts the pen to the black line, scribbles for a second…. PRL Stop. But then stops. PRL You still think you’re better than me. You still think I’m not worthy enough to shine your boots. I came out here last week. Outclassed you. And still, you don’t respect me or what I’ve done. So let’s stop this signing right now. DREK Heh. Backing out? PRL No, not exactly. Because when I came out here, I had an idea. I wasn’t going to propose it, but you just convinced me. Drek, as much as we don’t like each other, our careers here haven’t been all that different. We’ve fought in the same matches, had wars for the same titles. In fact, we’ve even had nasty bloody battles with some of the same guys. One name in particular, I can’t help but remember. DREK ….oh yeah? PRL Oh sure. I’ve fought him so many times, I can’t even count them all. We have battled over my Puerto Rican Title over and over again. We fought in front of 93,000 fans at AngleMania III in what may be the highest point of my career. Meanwhile, you fought him almost immediately upon arriving into the OAOAST. You beat him to capture your first OAOAST championship you ever held and christened it the Italian Championship. The belt that I once previously held, mind you. And you two once had the damndest Hell-in-a-Cell I’ve ever seen. Me and you have both fought this guy until we couldn’t stand. DREK The Mad Cappa. PRL Exactly. He’s given the both of us a lot of trouble. But while we’ve both beaten him at one point or another, he’s had his fair share of wins over us too. So here’s my idea. We have a little contest. Just another one of those Can-you-top-this games like we had last week. For you, it could be a chance to show me that I’m not good enough to be in the same ring with you. For me, it’s another opportunity to humiliate you and send you careening off the cliff into insanity right before World Without End. So here we go. Tonight I go against The Mad Cappa. Next week, you fight him. If I beat him tonight, you simply have to beat my time when you go against Cappa next week. If I LOSE to him tonight, all you have to do is defeat Cappa next Thursday – it could take you fifteen hours to do so if you want – and you win the contest. DREK So what you’re proposing is a TriCappaThon. PRL Exactly! The TriCappaThon. Who can have the fastest time against The Mad Cappa? Just for kicks. And how about this…since you haven’t signed the contract yet, let’s make it a little more interesting. Whoever wins the TriCappaThon – they get to pick the stipulation for our match at World Without End. Just to spice it up even further. How about it? Drek ponders PRL’s offer for a second. Twirling the pen between his fingers, he stares down at the contract for a few moments, wondering if he should just sign the damn thing and get over it. But finally, he can’t resist, and he flings the pen aside. DREK Okay, this signing thing can wait. I’ll take you up on your offer. Now it just comes down to what type of match I’m going to pick. PRL Sure. Put it in my suggestion box and I promise to think about it when I win. DREK Heh…. Drek comes nose-to-nose with his opponent. DREK …cute. Without giving his opponent a second thought, Drek simply steps through the ropes and begins walking back up the ramp. Not wanting to give PRL the satisfaction of holding his attention, Drek even refuses to stare at the AngleTron as he strides back through the curtains. Meanwhile, PRL glances down at the contract with a slight grin on his face. COACH Aw, nobody went through the table. COLE And nobody signed the contract with the other guy’s blood. COACH …well, there’s always next time, I guess. On with the show.

Oh shit. I hate that it's going to say when I edited my posts again. I've always hated that feature. My ego is crumbling.

Alf's as great a mod here as he was at WDI: Version II!! And I just went back and read some of the threads from last year about me that I never got the chance to look at. Yikes.

And speaking of a comment that doesn't warrant a thread...let's try to forget my past twelve months here for a second. Not to rock the boat here, but tradition says the champion usually becomes a mod of the OAOAST. I'm the champion. So putting two and two together....

Hmm. I like that. Maybe I'll borrow that for another time but pass it off as if it was my own idea.

I'm sorry PK. All I wanted to do was set up the Hoff joke, but it seems I crushed your feelings along the way. I knew this thread wouldn't lead to any good.

Either way, you should at least make sure to have Otaku drop the title before you leave. We can't have guys just dropping out of the federation without having the decency to lose their title to someone before they do so.

More like the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. And Alf is like the Woody Woodpecker balloon that no one remembers except for the years where it recklessly knocks a lamppost into the crowd.

So you make 24,000 posts consisting of mediocre and unmemorable posts, and suddenly now you're going to turn into that guy-that-posts-pictures-of-shit? Drop this whole gimmick thing. Walk away and we'll pretend this never happened.

No, this is what the OAO Drek Stone thread is for. Leave your comments there so I can artificially inflate my ego by bragging about how many responses my thread has gotten. Lock please.

Certain plans involving Drek/PRL that I'm not going to tell him so he doesn't spoil it in this thread. So make sure to edit the first post and put that in.

Ill made Alf a mod. This is bullshit. Discuss.

Ill is dead to me.

That list doesn't even make any sense. First off, you're considering a Main Event match to solely be the last match on the card. A Main Event can be placed in the middle of the card as long as it's still treated like a huge attraction. All of Edge's PPV matches and all of Cena's PPV matches have been given that attention since WrestleMania so I'm changing your criteria. Furthermore, Edge has only been in one final match Main Event from WrestleMania to One Night Stand, so of course he's going to have a difficult time comparing to Cena. If you consider Edge a Main Eventer and Cena a Main Eventer, it would make a lot more sense to simply look at their matches separately, no matter where they placed on the card. And, just for argument's sake, I'm throwing in Vengeance as well. Cena vs. HHH at WrestleMania XXII vs. HHH vs. Edge at Backlash vs. Rob Van Dam at One Night Stand vs. Sabu at Vengeance Edge vs. Foley at WrestleMania XXII vs. HHH vs. Cena at Backlash with Mick Foley vs. Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk at One Night Stand vs. Rob Van Dam at Vengeance Personally, I think Edge has had the better match at WrestleMania against Foley, One Night Stand in the tag match, AND Vengeance against RVD when compared to the respective matches Cena fought in. In fact, he has consistently proven himself as perhaps the best all-around Main Eventer in WWE in 2006. Besides Pay-Per-Views, just find me any Cena match from a 2006 episode of Raw that comes close to competing with the Edge/Flair TLC match from Raw back in January. He doesn't compare to Edge's efforts this year.

PK, I see you lurking. Stop lurking and start posting.

Bah, these are the types of spoilers you DON'T mention. PRL, when I get a hold of you...

Alf would eat sex nachos, but it's not quite the same thing.

I miss Hoff. I don't know anyone else that would volunteer to eat a sex ham.

WP, why did you type so much for a post that I skimmed over without reading a word?

Too bad nobody cares about the Marlins.

So wait, Oblivious Heel was banned for being a PBP. Which one was he?

"Shit stabber"? Explain that one to me.

I hate how everyone now just assumes a PBP around here is automatically Leena or Game. It's not Leena because she's already a gimmick herself from MikeSC. And Hotbutter is Game. I'm going to go on a limb and say you're a blast from the past. Eagan? No. Maybe Zsasz or Johnson. Am I close?

Which PBP are you, by the way? Just between us two, buddy.