David Blazenwing

My new best friend!

Cool. Stand back Breslin.... Blazenwing's Comin At Ya! ... ... ... Ahh... reeking of dead gimmicks today, I am.

Hey! I like the Rob Zombie theme! And the seizure-inducing strobe light entrance! Weeeeee! As for #1 Contenders, it seems like WWE is slowly starting to build Sean 'O Haire up to that level Mark my words... by the end of the year, 'O Haire will have at least gotten a shot at the WWE title

No talent... hoss... Well, I guess that means that by the end of the year, he'll be the WWE Champion, huh?

That's a little spiteful, don't you think? Yeah, it is But did you keep reading? I DID pick you to win, so no hard feelings, right?

When I sent this in, I thought I may actually have a chance... until I remembered that I was facing the World Champion. Well, congrats to Crow on a great match, though I thought my ending was loads better than his... anyhow, for all those who wanted to see, here you go... ____________________________________________________ The cameras fade in from commercials as an outer shot of The Kingdome in Fargo, North Dakota is shown, garnering a pop from the local crowd in attendance. The crowd is shown, and they are all holding up signs, including an “I came here to see the Suicide King” sign and a group of hot redheads holding up a collection of one letter signs that, when stringed together, read “D-O M-E K-I-N-G”. The camera shifts down to the ring, where the ring ropes are being removed and glass tables are being set up around the perimeter of the ring. “Welcome back fans to SJL METAL!” begins Axis in his loud, boisterous voice, “coming to you live from Fargo, North Dakota in the fabulous Kingdome, the one and only arena dedicated to my broadcast colleague, the Ladies Man… Suicide King! The crowd here really seems to love you here!” “Axis,” King adds, “We are in my home away from home! Certainly, we deserve to have an excellent main event to accentuate the awesome night of wrestling action we have already seen... that’s why I am totally psyched for this upcoming Glass Ceiling match!” Axis chuckles. “Well, we may be looking forward to it, but I highly doubt that David Blazenwing is… did you see his face when he found out what kind of match this was going to be? It’s no secret that Crow is a fan of glass-induced horrorcore action… in fact, he may be the king of the glass bump!” “Crow may be the king of the glass bump, but this is MY Kingdom, Crow! I think that tonight, you’re going to be executed… Blazenwing style!” “King, we’ve just gotten word that the crew has finished setting up the ring for the glass ceiling match, so we’re going to send it over to the SJL’s very own ring announcer, the esteemed Funyon. Funyon? Go ahead!” The camera shifts to Funyon standing in the center of a ropeless, glass table-surrounded ring as the bell rings three times as Funyon hits the mic, Michael Buffer style. “Ladies and gentleman... WELCOME TO THE MA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AIN EVENT! The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is the non-title Glass Ceiling match! The rules are simple and are as follows: The glass tables surrounding the ring are acting as an extension of the ring. The ropes, as you can see, have been removed as well to punctuate this point. Pin falls and submissions will only be counted if they occur within the glass extension surrounding the ring. And now... your participants for tonight’s Glass Ceiling match!” "Dead I am the one, Exterminating son Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze" As this plays, the lights in the arena fade to black. "Dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry Devil on your back, I can never die! " The stage explodes in a fiery fury as the chorus of "Dragula" by Rob Zombie hits. "Dig through the ditches And Burn through the witches I slam in the back of my Dragula!" A solemn figure, dressed all in black, slowly appears on the stage as the arena is enveloped in total and complete darkness, save for the black light that has just been shined onto the individual stationed on the stage. David Blazenwing stands silent, seemingly unaware of anything else going on around him as he begins to slowly walk down the ramp, his manager and valet Jen following him and yelling tips to him every step of the way. “On his way first to the ring, weighing in at 270 pounds, formerly hailing from Oak Creek, Wisconsin, now hailing from his own personal hell... DAVID BLA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AZENWING!!!” As they reach the outside of the ring and the section of glass tables where the legal ring begins, David turns to Jen and stares her down. After a few seconds, she gets the idea and walks back up the ramp, turning every few seconds to look at David. He waits until she walks through the curtain, then places his hands on the glass and heaves himself up onto the nearest glass table. Receiving a small crowd reaction, he walks into a corner of the original ring and leans up against the ropeless turnbuckle. After “Dragula” fades, there is silence for a few moments, then... “WAIT FOR CHAOS! WAIT FOR WARFARE! AT THE POINT OF NO RETURN! BLEED FOR MONEY! BLEED FOR JUSTICE! GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH A WOUNDED SSSOOOOUUULLLL!!!” Soilwork’s thrash metal hit “Natural Born Chaos” explodes through the arena speakers and whips the Fargo crowd into a gigantic roar of cheers! A moment later, emerging from behind the entrance curtain with Smartmarks Junior Leagues World Heavyweight Title on his shoulder is... The Antichrist Superstar, Crow! He stands on the stage, unlit cigarette in his mouth, gold Zippo lighter in hand. To the climaxing music, Crow ignites the lighter... and sets off two flaming rows down the side of the ramp! He lights the Dunhill Red in his mouth and takes a large drag, which he inhales very quickly. Crow cocks his head to the right, and then to the left... and then throws it back whilst exhaling and throwing his arms horizontal in the crucifix pose! He smirks and then walks down to the ring as Funyon begins the introductions. “And his opponent, weighing in at 231 pounds, from Anchorage, Alaska, he is the SJL World Heavyweight Champion and the undisputed master of the Natural Born Chaos... the antichrist superstar... CR-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-W-W-W-W!!!” Crow leaps onto the nearest table and rolls onto the ring canvas. He stands up, hits the crucifix pose again, and then steps into the middle of the ring. The referee for the match-up, Ced Ordonez, motions for David to get up and join them in the center. Slowly, David rises up and saunters over to the antichrist superstar and the senior official. “Boys,” Ordonez starts, “As you know, there is no disqualification in this match-up. The glass is a legal weapon, of course, but other than that, let’s try to keep it clean, alright? Can you do… hey! Blazenwing! Crow! Did either of you hear anything I just said?!” Crow and David are staring each other down with enraged looks in their eyes. Crow takes a drag from his cigarette and blows the smoke in David’s face, eliciting a pop from the crowd. He is about to do it again when David grabs the cigarette out of Crow’s mouth. As the crowd watches on in shock, David takes a drag of Crow’s own cigarette and blows the smoke back in the antichrist superstar’s face! With that final act of rebellion, Crow snaps and begins punching David hard in the face, sending him reeling backwards. DING! DING! DING! “And here we go, King! This brawl has started! And it looks like it’s going to be one hell of a slobber knocker from where I’m sitting!” exclaims Axis. “Axis,” says King while scratching his head, “Just what in the hell is a slobber knocker anyhow?” “Just watch the match and you’ll see, my friend.” “Don’t call me your friend.” “Alright then.” Crow drives David onto the ground with hard punches to the side of his face and then starts stomping his chest with a fury unseen in any of his other matches. Crow is pissed! It is obvious as he continues the beat down on the former superhero. Crow grabs David’s hair and lifts him up slowly. He grabs David’s arm and nails him with a hip toss, landing David on his back. Crow picks up Blazenwing again and nails another hip toss… BUT WAIT! Blazenwing flips in midair and lands on his feet, then rushes forward with a vengeance at Crow and lifts his leg up, catching the champion unaware… BANG! Crow receives a crack to the face that is heard around the arena with a big boot attack! Crow collapses to the ground in a heap of antichristian being as David drops to the mat on his knees and hooks Crow’s leg for the cover. ONE! . .. ... KICKOUT! Crow rolls out of the pin easily, and the two men jump back into the ready position. Crow rubs his face and grins, as David Blazenwing holds his arm and does the same thing. Face to face, the two begin brawling once again. A punch to Crow’s face. A punch to David’s sternum. David hits the right hook and the left job of the Blazen Combination, but before he can finish it up with the uppercut to the gut, Crow grabs David’s arm and sends Blazenwing reeling with a series of steel chops to the chest of the challenger, eliciting a “Woooo!” from the crowd with every successfully landed blow. CRACK! ”WOOOOOOOOOOO!” CRACK! “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” CRACK! “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” CRACK! “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” With David stunned, Crow grabs David’s head, stuffs it underneath his armpit, slaps his back and… BAM! Crow takes Blazenwing down with a hard DDT! A cover! ONE! . .. ... TWO! . KICKOUT! “Blazenwing kicked out! Not bad by Crow, but Blazenwing is determined, and it’s going to take a lot more than that to take out the Full Effect!” says Axis. “It was alright, but it doesn’t matter. This match is going to go on for a while, Axis, so get comfy. But zip up your pants… not that comfy, okay?” adds Suicide King. “But you said… oh, fine. Have it your way.” Crow begins kicking David hard in the chest, mudhole style, and every time he lands a kick, the crowd claps in unison. With every blow, David reels with considerable pain. As the crowd cheers wildly for Crow, he goes to land another kick and –WAIT! David grabs Crow’s foot in mid-stomp and drops him to his back, then turns the antichrist superstar over on his stomach and sets in the ankle lock! Crow yells in pain as the submission maneuver contorts his ankle in ways that the human ankle is not meant to contort. Ced Ordonez slides over to Crow and asks the Champion if he submits, but Crow just continues to shout “NO GOD DAMMIT!!!” at the top of his lungs. At about this time, the pain in David’s chest becomes too much to bear and he has no choice but to drop the hold and double back in pain, rolling onto the glass perimeter outside the ring while Crow cradles his ankle in the center of the ring. “Both superstars are now down in the ring,” Axis adds, “and neither looks to have the advantage at this point. But David had better be careful now that he has found himself on the glass. Crow is the master of glass, remember…” “Remember? We only talked about it five minutes ago! You’re getting Alzheimer’s, old man.” “Well, at least I’m trying to make an effort to stir up some form of a conversation! Why don’t you talk?” “I happen to be doing some very important research.” “Consisting of what, may I ask?” “I’m checking out all the pretty girls at ringside, trying to pick out my favorite of the bunch! It’s my dome, and I think that in celebration of us being here tonight, I deserve some sexual healing. Then again, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Axis? Then again, there’s a fairly portly woman at ringside that you might be able to sweet talk…” “Oh really King? I thought that was your mom.” “Take that back! That’s not funny, Axis. I mean, what could possibly compel you to make such an immoral statement such as – HOLY SHIT! That IS my mom! Hi mom!” Crow slowly lifts himself to his feet while David lies, still resting, on the glass outside the ring. Crow sees him and, judging the possibilities in his head, starts to walks towards the outside when his ankle, still hurt, gives out from underneath him and he falls back onto the canvas, holding his ankle in pain. The referee sees the considerable amount of pain that the antichrist superstar is in and crouches down next to him, then asks him how bad the pain is. When asked if he wants to forfeit the match, he shakes his head no, but tells the referee that he may need some help. Outside of the ring, David rolls to one knee, then stands up, still clutching his chest in pain. Seeing the downed Crow, he strides over to the fallen SJL Champion and grabs his hair, then starts to pick him up and – CROW WITH A LA MAJISTRAL CRADLE! CED ORDONEZ STARTS THE COUNT! ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. KICKOUT! “Great move there by Crow, almost had him! I don’t think anyone saw that coming… Crow was playing dead in an attempt to catch the challenger off guard, and it almost worked!” screams Axis. Crow returns to his feet and, standing above the former superhero, strikes the crucifix pose to a huge pop from the crowd. He stands, waiting for David Blazenwing to return to his feet. Blazenwing finally does after about 30 seconds, and is met by the grinning face of Crow and a heart wrenching stiff chop to the chest. CRACK! “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” Crow unleashes another stiff, skin cracking chop to the chest of David Blazenwing, and backs the former superhero into the nearest corner. Attaching his hand to David’s forearm, Crow whips David into the opposite corner and almost immediately follows with a running clothesline to Blazenwing’s chest, stunning him even further. Crow whips David back into the first corner at takes another running dive at him but David, working solely on pure instinct and adrenaline, charges out of the corner at the last moment, spearing Crow in the gut! Saliva gushes out of Crow’s mouth as the finishing maneuver, which caught the antichrist superstar off guard, doubles him over in a heap and leaves him cradled in the fetal position. “BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD! THE MID-NITRO! THE MID-NITRO!!!” King laughs gleefully. “Axis! This one is over! You saw what happened on Crimson when David Mid-Nitro’ed the Crow dummy… it tore the dummy in half! Now he has used it to tear the REAL dummy in half! This one’s over… it’s just a shame that all that wonderful, breakable glass is going to go to waste…” Ced Ordonez slides over and begins to count for David as he lowers himself to the mat and hooks the leg of Crow. ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. … TTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOO! CROW KICKED OUT! CROW KICKED OUT! CROW KICKED OUT!!! “Crow, amazingly, manages to kick out of the Mid-Nitro within a split-second of this match ending! And Blazenwing is back on his feet!” shouts Axis, who, along with King, is caught up in the intensity of this match. “I don’t believe it! Ordonez is counting slowly! Blazenwing had this match won! Damn it!” Apparently, Blazenwing agrees with Suicide King… he had this match won! David walks over to Ordonez and starts yelling at the official, clapping his hands together three times to illustrate the fact that he believes he had this match won. Ordonez claps his hands together twice, then puts his hand up into the air with two fingers up, showing David what really happened. As Ordonez and Blazenwing argue, Crow slowly slides behind David and pulls out his lighter, then lights it right at the bottom of David’s jeans. Crow rolls away a small bit and after a few seconds, Ordonez sees David’s pants on fire and calmly points it out to him. When David sees it, he begins freaking out and starts jumping around looking for help and panicking. Ordonez tells David to stop moving and tries to put it out himself, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Crow, now on his feet, flies over across the ring and nails the distracted Blazenwing with a stiff kick to the head, a move he calls the Das Wunder Kick, sending him flying to the outside of the ring… and… CRASSSSHHHH! YES! DAVID BLAZENWING HAS GONE CLEAR THROUGH A GLASS TABLE!!! “BAH GAWD! He’s been broken in half! That’s it. Call this match off, somebody! This is too much!” “C’mon Axis! Lighten up! Both these guys knew what they were getting into when they signed for this match. Hell, David made the challenge. Besides… if the match was to be called off now, a lot of people here, and at home, would be plenty pissed at you, Axis. Then again, I’m sure you could always find another shed to hide in.” “……………” “Oh come on Axis… you KNOW it’s true. Besides… the fire on his pants leg went out… so it was good for him! Well, then again, he was busted open on his face…” “No kidding there, King… David has been busted open horribly across his forehead. With him now bleeding like this, I think it’s only a matter of time before he falls victim to the antichrist superstar.” The crowd in the Kingdome begins to chant “Holy shit” as David lies motionless in a pile of glass. Crow rolls into a somersault bringing him to his feet, then walks over to the spot where the table has broken and left David lying in a pile of blood. Crow jumps down into the hole and grabs David by his hair, then slowly pulls him up, punching his forehead and making him bleed even worse. Crow heaves the groggy Blazenwing onto his shoulder and tosses him into the ring, then climbs back up onto the glass extension and rolls into the ring, grabbing David’s leg and hooking him for the cover. ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. ... TTTTTHHHHHHHRRRRRRRREEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! KICKOUT!!! David Blazenwing just barely manages to kick out! Crow, seeing the blood and sensing that his opponent is slowly falling, pulls out the lighter again. He lights the lighter and begins to move it towards the blood gushing out of the former superheroes’ forehead. The crowd starts to chant “Make him burn” as Crow gets closer… closer… NO! Referee Ced Ordonez has reached down and grabbed the lighter away from Crow! Furious, Crow walks over to Ordonez and starts arguing, trying to wrest the lighter from the referee’s hands. David begins to stir and starts to get up, wiping the blood from his face as he reaches his feet and notices the struggle that has ensued between Crow and Ordonez. Seizing this opportunity, and knowing that this match is no DQ, David hobbles up behind the distracted Crow, slides to his knees, balls his hand up in a fist and lifts it into Crow’s crotch area, forcing the antichrist superstar to his knees. “HAHAHAHA! There you go, Blazenwing! Show that loser Crow who’s boss! Did you see that, Axis?” “I did, King… and I can’t say I approve of it.” “Oh, but it’s alright for Crow to put Blazenwing through a glass table with the Das Wunder Kick?” ”Well King… that was in self defense…” “SELF DEFENSE MY ASS!!! AXIS! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO PLAY BY PLAY! TAKING SIDES IS WRONG!!!” “You seem to be taking the side of David Blazenwing… and that’s okay?” “Axis, this is MY house… literally! If you don’t like it, then go get locked in a shed.” The sound of Blazenwing’s fist connecting with Crow’s package makes the crowd groan, and as Crow collapses to the mat, the crowd begins unceremoniously booing David Blazenwing, something that gets even louder when Blazenwing spins around and strikes the old superhero pose, then flips off the crowd. As Crow is rolling around on the ground, David taunts the antichrist superstar even further by standing above Crow’s head and striking the crucifix pose on top of him, eliciting an even angrier jeer from the crowd. With Crow still in a large amount of pain, David grabs his long, wet, black hair and, after bringing him up to knee level, begins to drag him over to the glass extension surrounding the ring. Once over the glass, David shoves Crow’s head between his legs, lifts him high into the air in a powerbomb position, then quickly lowers him down into the Blazen Bomb. CRASSSSHHHH! CROW GOES BACK FIRST THROUGH A GLASS TABLE! NOW HE HAS BEEN BUSTED OPEN AS WELL! “BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD! NOW CROW HAS BEEN BROKEN IN HALF AS WELL! CALL OFF THE DAMN MATCH!!!” “AXIS!!!” “What?” “For the love of God, man… NO ONE IS GOING TO CALL OFF THE FRICKIN’ MATCH! SO JUST STOP SAYING THAT ALREADY!!!” “Well, King… excuse me for actually CARING for our superstars!” “Please… CARING for superstars isn’t going to make them legends… actually, it would probably put them in your shoes.” “Well, then I’m happy to be where I am.” “It wasn’t a compliment, shed boy.” “King, if you say shed one more time…” “Shed! Shed! SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED!!! SHED! What are you going to do, Shed Boy?!” “I’m…. I’m… I’M… I’m going to sit here and pretend I didn’t hear you.” “I…but.. uh.. SCREW IT! I give up! Just call the damn match already!” With Crow collapsed through the shattered glass table, the crowd begins booing again. David jumps down into the hole made when Crow fell through and lifts him back up, tossing him onto the ring canvas, covering the spot where Crow lands with blood, which is now oozing from his back, which got cut open when he hit the glass in the first place. David heaves himself out of the hole and rolls back into the ring. Seeing Crow lying near the edge of the ring, David grabs his arms and drags him to the center of the ring, then takes his thumb and rakes it across his throat, signaling the leg drop! David runs towards the ropes to rebound off… then realizes that there are no ropes! David stands for a moment, thinks about it, then motions for Ordonez to join him for a moment. Blazenwing whispers something into Ordonez’s ear. When he hears it, he laughs momentarily, but seeing how serious David is, he reluctantly goes and stands where the ring ropes would be and sticks his hands out. David gives him the thumbs up, stomps Crow once more to ensure that he won’t get up prematurely, then runs to Ordonez, bounces off Ordonez’s arms, and jumps in the air as he reaches Crow, dropping the big leg on the antichrist superstar! When Crow’s legs bounce up in the air from the shock of the attack, David grabs them and holds them in a pinning position as Ordonez slides over to the pair and starts to count. ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. ..KICKOUT! “Crow kicks out after a Full Effect Leg Drop! King, David appears to be running on empty! After a Mid-Nitro, a Blazen Bomb AND a Leg Drop! What more does he have left?!” King scoffs. “Axis, we haven’t seen the Veil of Darkness yet! I’ll bet that is what will put Crow away for good!” “That may be… but after all these big moves from Blazenwing, we have yet to see any BIG moves from Crow… he’s being smart and thinking ahead, saving all his hard-hitting stuff for the end of the match!” “Well, I can agree with you there. Crow didn’t get to be SJL World Heavyweight Champion by being stupid, that’s for sure.” “Actually, King, Crow got to be SJL World Heavyweight Champion by defeating Sean Atlas and Christian Blackwell in a three minute three way challenge!” “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I know that, Axis. I was there.” “Well, glad we got that settled, then. Ooh! What is Blazenwing up to here?” As Axis pointed out, David is attempting to get on top of a turnbuckle, but without the ring ropes to aid him, is having more than a little bit of trouble. Finally, he just decides to give it up and turns back around… only to be greeted by Crow! David goes for a kick, but Crow grabs Blazenwing’s foot in mid-air and drops to the ground, hurting himself by landing on his bloody, torn up back, but sending David flying with a dragon screw attack, using a “no pain, no gain” philosophy. When David lands, he hits his head on the mat, temporarily stunning him. Crow gets up in considerable pain due to his back, but perseveres nonetheless. He grabs David’s legs, lets out an incredible scream, then holds them up in the air. The crowd begins to cheer as Crow steps in between the legs, then crosses David Blazenwing’s legs, turns him on his stomach… and… YES! The sharpshooter is successfully in! Crow leans back, adding more pressure to David’s legs, as Ced Ordonez slides over to David Blazenwing and asks if he wants to give up. David insistently shouts “NO!” as Crow affixes more pressure to the former superheroes’ legs. “Axis… I just realized something. Tell me… how do you break a submission hold?” “You grab the ropes, forcing a break of the said hold in question.” “Right… so is David Blazenwing screwed?” “Screwed? What do you mean – ah! There are NO ropes! Well, I guess he’ll either have to reverse the hold or give up and forfeit the match.” “Well… that seems unfair for him.” David puts his hands down on the mat and pushes with all his might, lifting himself up into the air just enough to remove some of the pressure that Crow is causing with the sharpshooter, but he seems to be losing leverage. His face turns red from the pressure and, in a shocking turn of events, his cut in his forehead, that had been suffered earlier in the match and had stopped bleeding, starts bleeding again! As David tries to fight out of the hold, the blood trickles down his face… and the crowd is loving it! Finally, David finds enough strength to overpower Crow and turn over, tossing him to the side and breaking the hold. Exhausted, David tries to stand up, but falls back onto the mat and grips his legs in pain. “King, David seems to be having some trouble standing up.” “Well, gee, I wonder why… He’s bleeding again, his legs were just tied up in a knot for the last three minutes… why should he have any trouble walking?” “Hey… I’m just saying. Don’t kill the messenger.” “WHAT MESSENGER!? Axis, I’m sitting right next to you, seeing the exact same match as you are!” Crow walks over to David and starts to pick him up when the chorus of “Dragula” hits the SmarkTron again. Bemused, Crow drops David and kicks him, then looks up the ramp to see David’s Valet, Jen, running to ringside! She jumps onto the glass extension and slides into the ring, then crawls over to David and checks him to see if he is alright. He assures her that he is, then gets up and walks over to Crow and starts yelling at him. Crow seems a bit taken aback as Jen walks towards the glass, forcing Crow back as she yells. She then rears back and slaps Crow… which gets the crowd angry. Then again, it seems to get the antichristian phenomenon angry as well. Crow rears back with a knife edged chop, then sends it sailing and… stops! We stops his hand right before he hits her, and she breathes a sigh of relief. Axis sighs a sigh of relief as well. “See King? If Crow’s girlfriend had done that to David, she would be on the ground in a heap of… well, she would be hurting really bad.” “Yeah! That’s because David doesn’t take crap from anyone! Crow’s soft!” Jen laughs in relief that she didn’t get hit, then turns around and starts to walk away – BAM!!! Crow wraps his arms around Jen’s waist and lifts her above his head, sending her sailing over him in a release German Suplex right into the glass! CRASSSSHHHH! Jen goes right through and lies crumpled up in a heap amongst the remains of the table she just crashed through. “BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD! SHE’S BEEN BROKEN IN –“ “Axis! Don’t finish that sentence if you want to see the rest of this match!” “Okay.” “Good. That’s what I –“ “HALF!!!” “Damn it! Why do I even bother?!” “Hahahahaha… I’m still trying to figure that out, King.” Amused at what just went down, Crow turns around to tend back to David… only to fall victim to a DDT! Crow is down! David is up! But, rather than go for the pin, David moves into the corner and crouches down, then starts to wave his hand! He’s motioning for Crow to get up! He’s calling for the Mid-Nitro… again! “He’s calling for the Mid-Nitro! This didn’t work once, King, and I find it hard to believe it will work a second time around.” “Crow is also a lot weaker this time around, Axis. Besides, he may just be using the Mid-Nitro to set up for the Veil of Darkness, like he did on Crow’s dummy last week!” Crow stumbles to his feet slowly, facing the crowd instead of Blazenwing. As he slowly starts to turn to face his opponent, David erupts from the corner like a bullet and, when Crow focuses on the quickly advancing Blazenwing, he tries to dive out of the way, but it is too late, for, a split second later, David is on Crow like stink on Axis’ feet! A quick spear, and Crow drops to the ground like a sack of potatoes. David jumps up, adrenaline pumping, and rakes his thumb across his throat again, then looks down at Crow and spits on him. “This is it, Axis! The move we’ve been waiting for! The Veil of Darkness!” “Can he do it? Can he score a legendary upset over the Antichristian Phenomenon?” “Axis! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all night!” David reaches down and picks up Crow by his hair. With the crowd jeering as they realize that their hero is falling, David tucks Crow’s head underneath his arm and puts Crow’s arm above his neck, almost like a vertical suplex. David lifts him up, holds him there, goes to drop him… and… NO! WHAT THE HELL!? CROW COUNTERED AND LANDED ON HIS FEET! Crow, seemingly planning this whole thing out, grabs David’s face in a front face lock, then lift’s David’s arm above his shoulders. Crow, grabbing the ass of David’s jeans, heaves him high into the air and turns him upside down, then jumps in the air himself and swings his legs out, forcing David’s head, neck, and shoulders into the canvas. “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” “BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD!!! NATURAL BORN CHAOS! NATURAL BORN CHAOS! IT’S OVER, KING! NO ONE KICKS OUT OF THAT!” “NOOOO! HE WAS SO CLOSE! WHAT HORRIBLE LUCK!” The crowd begins cheering wildly as Crow covers Blazenwing for the pin. Ordonez slides over and starts the count as the entire arena counts along with his falling hand. ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. ... WHAM!!! …. ….. ”What in the hell?! Referee Ced Ordonez has just been… Maori Dropped!” “Axis! That’s… THAT’S VA’AIGA! THE #1 CONTENDER TO CROW’S SJL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! What in the hell is he doing out here?” Crow looks up and sees Va’aiga standing there, having just Maori Dropped the referee. Crow jumps up and tries to go after Va’aiga, but in his weakened state, is no match for the freshly rested Va’aiga and falls victim to the Maori Drop as well. Va’aiga looks over the two fallen superstars, contemplates the situation, then drags David Blazenwing over to Crow and lies the former superhero on top of the beaten Antichristian Phenomenon. Another official, Anthony Michael Hall, runs out from the back, jumps onto the glass, slides into the ring and starts to count as Va’aiga stands triumphant. “No! King, not like this!” “YES! Va’aiga has Crow’s number! Upset city, here we come!” ONE! . .. ... TWO! . .. ... TTTTTTTTHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The bell rings and “Dragula” begins playing over the SmarkTron as Funyon, who was standing in the back for the entire match, walks down the ramp with Crow’s SJL World Heavyweight Championship in hand while talking on the mic. “Ladies and gentleman… here is your winner… DAVID BLA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AZENWING!” Anthony Michael Hall picks up the groggy David Blazenwing and lifts his hand, as he realizes what just happened. Va’aiga stands behind him, waiting. David turns around, grins, and thanks the Maori badass for the help… THEN WHAM! VA’AIGA GRABS DAVID BLAZENWING AND MAORI DROPS HIM AS WELL! The crowd explodes as “Dragula” abruptly ends and “"Bring The Pain" by Method Man plays over the SmarkTron. Suicide King screams, “OH! Maori Drop to Blazenwing! Good night, Blazenwing… I think Va’aiga knocked him all the way back to last week’s Crimson with that shot!” Axis sighs. ”I still can’t believe it, King… but David Blazenwing actually BEAT Crow! Our World Heavyweight Champion!” “You know, Axis, I just realized something… if this has been a title match, we’d have a new SJL World Heavyweight Champion right now!” “Yeah… but still, David Blazenwing has a lot to owe to Va’aiga! If it wasn’t for him, he would have most certainly lost this match!” With Crow, Ordonez and Blazenwing down from Maori Drops, Funyon and Hall get out of the ring as soon as they can, and Funyon just tosses the World Championship to the fallen Crow, afraid to get close to Va’aiga. Va’aiga reaches down and sees the SJL World Heavyweight Championship lying there. He reaches down, picks it up, and puts it over his shoulder, shouting “MY HOUSE!” as he poses with the belt, standing in the middle of the three fallen souls. “What a slobber knocker tonight was, King!” “I’ll say… and what a way to end the show!” “Well folks, the next time the SJL is on television will be SJL Wrath on June 1st! For the Suicide King, I’m Axis… good night from the Kingdome in Fargo, North Dakota!” Right before the camera fades to black, the last image on the screen is Va’aiga holding up the SJL World Heavyweight Championship. Could this be a sign of things to come? **Fade to Black** Smartmarks Junior Leagues © 2003

NOTE: This is a promo! I forgot to add PROMO to the top line... sorry for any confusion _____________________________________________________ Flash... Crack-ka-boom! A bridge... shining in the darkness, illuminated by the crack of lightning behind it... a soul. A soul, lost in darkness, not knowing how to find his way back... images of gold bearing birds, masked men and old style grapplers haunt his dreams. There are three of them... only one of him. A woman stands by his side... but even she is powerless to stop the onslaught of evil permeating from this horrific scene... a woman screams! WRATH! The time has come! The end... IS NOW!!! David Blazenwing jumps out of bed, shocked. He is drenched in cold sweat. He gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. The light is turned on and the sink’s handle is turned, causing water to wash away from the inside of the pipes. After splashing his face with cold water, David looks up and takes a long, hard look inside the mirror. The person looking back at him... that isn’t him. Is it? The person in the mirror looks so much different than the person he remembers from a few months ago. Hell... up until a few months ago, David’s look had never changed once. But now... the hair, the face... even the disposition... was so... unfamiliar. Who was this person looking back at him? At this point, even he didn’t know. There are so many questions that are left without answers. What would have happened if David had managed to defeat Omega Storm in his SJL debut match, the opening round of a tournament for the Television title? What would have happened if he had beaten John Duran for the TV title? Charlie “Grappler” Matthews for the TV title? More recently, what would have happened had he defeated the SJL World Champion, Crow? The questions are endless... but they don’t matter. The fact of the matter is, David DIDN’T defeat Omega Storm. He DIDN’T defeat John Duran. He DIDN’T defeat Charlie “Grappler” Matthews. He DIDN’T defeat the SJL World Champion, Crow. And he won’t defeat anyone else, either. David WON’T defeat John Duran, Charlie “Grappler” Matthews and Viktor Tarakanov on Wrath. He WON’T beat any further challengers, either. This is fate. It is David’s fate, and others... to fall. To lose. To be defeated. To be vanquished. But can fate be altered? Can it be challenged? Can it be changed? ................................. Only time will tell. But... it is impossible to surrender to fate. It is only then that Fate becomes unchangable. It would do several people well to remember that.

N00BIE MATCH Cassius Atkinson vs. "The Rebel" Shawn Tybalt - Not familiar with either of these guys, but hell... with a name like "The Rebel", how can ANYONE go wrong? Lol... I'm gonna go with Tybalt on this one. #1 CONTENDERSHIP - SJL TELEVISION TITLE BATTLE ROYAL Dan "The Phoenix" Caldwell vs. English Dragon vs. "The Extreme Solution" Johnathan Clarke vs. Jimmy "The Demon" Liston vs. Scott Solomon -Eehehehe... funny names galore! (Like I should be talking...) I am the first Phoenix, so I gotta back my man Dan on this one. Give 'em hell, Caldwell! SJL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP Leo Breslin© vs. Syndicate - Hmm... Syndicate has a habit on no-showing, right? Plus, Breslin is one of my fave writers... so Breslin to retain. #1 CONTENDERSHIP - SJL EUROPEAN TITLE FATAL FOUR WAY ELIMINATION MATCH Charlie "Grappler" Matthews vs. David Blazenwing vs. John Duran vs. Viktor Tarakanov - Hahaha! Actually, I CAN'T write this show, as my last match took me so long to write that I actually got grounded off the computer for a week! School comps don't count (like I'm on right now), so I have to no-show. That said, This one will go to the Grappla! SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP Aecas© vs. Tim Dillon - Hmm.... Aecas to retain. STREET FIGHT! "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Manson FIGHT! - Altogether now... Jennn... Kinnnns... Jennn... Kinnnns... (Like the Goldberg Chant!) I gotta go with HSJ on this one. Street fighting... Hollywood Style! MAIN EVENT SJL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP Crow© vs. Va'aiga - After Metal, I REALLY want to see Crow lose. No offense to him, but I'm a bit skeeved that I lost. Meh... still... he's an awesome writer, which is why I've chosen Crow to retain. For a long time. Until his eventual title loss to Charlie "Grappler" Matthews in a few weeks.

not sure if anyone added this, but Triple H also fought a blindfold match against D-Lo Brown on the Las Vegas RAW w/ the RAW Roulette... which was actually one of the funniest matches I've ever seen *laughs again as he imagines Triple H threatening the turnbuckle*

oh i c so in a kayfabe world, Hurricane actually HAS superpowers?

Me too, but I only have one. Can someone please explain "kayfabe" to me?

the HBK shirt kicks ass! My parents were always against wrestling because it was "unchristian", but they actually LIKE HBK and his holy ways. I can probably talk them into ordering this shirt for me with the argument that it promotes church

How about this? Would this surprise anybody?

WTF? Lmao... great stuff, Tod

I got into wrestling in early 2002 and was really into Triple H, so he was my first action figure.

someone who doesn't plan on retiring... but that's all i'm gonna say

I didn't want to win the #1 contender's match, so I wrote a really crappy match and wouldn't you know it? I won. Huh... could've put more work into it, but what's the point? The only guys who really ever win here are the guys with mega-experience anyhow

Oops, hit send twice. My bad.

OPENING PROMO: David Blazenwing - I actually DON'T plan on talking about Matthews OR the TV title. No, there's a VERY specific reason I requested this sopt... you'll all see soon. SJL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP David Blazenwing vs. Charlie "Grappler" Matthews© - Probably Matthews to retain, but I'm gonna keep my hopes up and pick myself anyhow. You never know... SINGLES MATCH Tim Dillon vs. Leo Breslin - I like Leo's character, so I'm gonna go with him. Also, I've never seen the other guy. SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP John Duran vs Christian Blackwell© - If Blackwell's not here to write, then obviously Duran will win. Unless he jobs himself, but what will that prove? KING OF FIGHTERS MATCH Syndicate vs Terry Wayne vs Kaine vs Victor Tarakanov - LMAO... I wish I could've been in this match. But next time, make it a Super Monkey Ball match, where the ring ropes are removed and all four superstars are trapped in balls. The last one still in the ring wins! Oh, I have to pick... um, Viktor Tarakanov. MAIN EVENT 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS SJL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP Manson vs Crow© - Crow to retain (What, that's it? Yep.)

don't forget... HHH/HBK (SummerSlam '02) HBK/Jericho (WrestleMania XIX) Hurricane/Rock (RAW) Okay, that last one probably doesn't belong, but as I'm a HUGE Hurricane fanatic, I had to put it on... and yes, that's the match that Hurricane won.

I've seen a number of stinking and unconscionable things over the years, but Hunter Hearst Helmsley's remonstrations really take the cake. One of my objectives is to shatter the adage that a book of Hunter's writings would be a good addition to the Bible. If he can't stand the heat, he should get out of the kitchen. You may be shocked to hear this, but he has a strategy. His strategy is to prevent people from thinking and visualizing beyond an increasingly psychologically caged existence. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Hunter. It would be bad enough if his drones were merely trying to popularize a genre of music whose graphic lyrics explicitly urge crass anarchists to go to great lengths to conceal his true aims and mislead the public. But their attempts to pursue an unrealistic agenda under the guise of false concern for the environment, poverty, civil rights, or whatever are just plain cantankerous. All kidding aside, he says that favoritism is the key to world peace. This is at best wrong. At worst, it is a lie. A person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her allegations. Hunter has never had that faculty. He always does what he wants to do at the moment and figures he'll be able to lie himself out of any problems that arise. You might think that anyone who doesn't know that Hunter is yellow-bellied must be inhabiting a different world. Well, if that's the case, then I'm afraid Hunter's legatees must have spent the past month on Mars. Although he has unfairly depicted me and those who share my beliefs as swindlers and antipluralism enthusiasts, we are neither. Yes, Hunter's ignorance is matched only by his arrogance, but he claims that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. That claim is preposterous and, to use Hunter's own language, overtly brutal. No history can justify it. He should just exercise some common sense and some common decency. This is not rhetoric. This is reality. Did it ever occur to Hunter that maybe his hijinks celebrate deception, diversion, and fashion? Dream on. Justice and humanity are utterly on our side and nothing but illegality and barbarity are on his. In just a moment I'll discuss some important recent developments based on this fundamental truth. First, however, I want to add a bit to what I wrote previously. I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for his subterfuge. I'm completely stunned. He is typical of destructive politicos in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his deeds. Individually, Hunter's canards shower impetuous, scurrilous hermits with undeserved praise. But linked together, Hunter's refrains could easily alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations. As everyone knows, Hunter's smear tactics are more often out of sync with democratic values than aligned with them. What you might not know, however, is that if one dares to criticize even a single tenet of his pranks, one is promptly condemned as amateurish, dour, vengeful, or whatever epithet he deems most appropriate, usually without much explanation. It's really amazing, isn't it? We can put people on the Moon and send robot explorers to Mars, but if Hunter wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. He maintains that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. Even if this were so, Hunter would still be crotchety. But I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that I must ask that Hunter's proxies discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to create widespread hysteria. His idiotic claim that all literature which opposes exhibitionism was forged by snotty lunkheads is just that, an idiotic claim. To borrow the immortal words of a certain, well-known authority figure, "I am not Hunter's whipping boy." It's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. Before explaining why silly warmongers cause insurmountable trouble for us, I must first lend a helping hand. Hunter is undeniably up to something. I don't know exactly what, but he wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that there is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Hunter's protests. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must take action. Hunter's assistants are unified under a common goal. That goal is to suck up to petty bourgeoisie. Hunter's co-conspirators contend that "vindictive, hostile tasteless-types have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written that Hunter has the gall to think that lousy hooligans aren't ever impudent, then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, we must turn Hunter's bloodthirsty campaigns to our advantage. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that Hunter wants us to feel sorry for the hideous meatheads who ignore compromise and focus solely on his personal agenda. I think we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. But Hunter and I disagree about our civic duties. I feel that we must do our utmost to find the inner strength to lead us all toward a better, brighter future as expeditiously as possible. Hunter, on the other hand, believes that his positions are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. I'll give you an example of this, based on my own experience. As you know, several things he has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how despotism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Despite Hunter's evident lack of grounding in what he's talking about, only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. But the first step is to acknowledge that I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why life is too short to have to put up with him. My peers claim that the chief difficulty in writing about him is that the messages contained in his double standards are a powerful source of illumination on the behavior of sick, stubborn fogeys. While this is truly true, I suspect we must add that I have had enough of his waste, fraud, misfeasance, and malfeasance. I challenge him to move from his broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. Before you declare me amoral, let me assert that Hunter's buddies, who are legion, are so ready to steal our birthrights that their sermons are laughable. Period, finis, and Q.E.D. As witnesses to mankind's inner dissatisfaction, we must view the realms of heathenism and sexism not as two opposing poles, but as two continua. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that last summer, I attempted what I knew would be a hopeless task. I tried to convince Hunter that the best way to insist on a policy of zero tolerance toward boosterism is to provide you with vital information which he has gone to great lengths to prevent you from discovering. As I expected, Hunter was thoroughly unconvinced. He sees all the evidence, but he is reluctant to accept the conclusion that he is like a stray pigeon. Pigeons are too self-absorbed to care about anyone else. They poo on people they don't like; they poo on people they don't even know. The only real difference between Hunter and a pigeon is that Hunter intends to perpetuate the myth that two wrongs make a right. That's why if he can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that he has his moral compass in tact, I will personally deliver his Nobel Prize for Biased Rhetoric. In the meantime, Hunter is stepping over the line when he attempts to tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions -- way over the line. Let's face it: Hunter says that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"? And that's what writing this sort of letter is all about. It's a way to oppose Hunter Hearst Helmsley and all he stands for.

1k? Hmm.... about a half hour to an hour

This is where I would post my match... if I wrote one. Oh well. Eh, I guarantee it wouldn't have been 5k+, however... I can't seem to write a match over 3000 words! Help me! (BTW, nice match, Evolution! At least I was the last man eliminated on yours...)

Yeah, sry about that, I was at school when I posted it (for fun) and the bell rang before I could add that, so I just clicked send and left again, sorry about that

I own both those DVDs, and both rule! The Triple H one has a great main program, plus the features, like the marriage to Steph on RAW, make this a winner! The Invasion angle may not have been good, but the PPV was! The Inagural Brawl alone makes this a must-have PPV!