Toshiaki Koala

Fire it up.

Right now, I would have to say: 1. Castle in the Sky 2. Unforgiven 3. Return of the Jedi

Well, I used to hate you before this post, but I respect you completely now, honestly. Out of the James Bond books (that I've read), Mr. Big is hands-down the best villain. I was really surprised how much better (and different) this book was from the movie, and Mr. Big was one of the few villains from literature that I was genuinely in awe of. And he was so boring in the movie (except his death scene, of course).

Well, it's not like Kane... doesn't suck ass, or anything. But having Shane beat him cleanly is ABSOLUTELY unforgivable.

HAHAHAHA!

I'm sure I speak for many when I ask, Who?

Vince McMahon MUST play the villain in Spy Hunter.

Wow, what's next... elderly women showing their breasts? People having sex with mops? Necrophilia?

I'm not a huge ST fan, but... holy fucking shit.

Since when is MK a 'beat-em up'? well what is it ? a tactic war simulation ? A hack-'em-up.

ENOUGH PENILE MUTILATION THREADS! ENOUGH!

I really wouldn't put this in the same category as the McDonalds guy. I mean, if I found a goddamn TOOTH in something I was eating, I think I'd be more than a little uneasy.

Come on, now. You make it sound like an Ingmar Bergman movie.

Why did I think this would be a Howard Dean thread?

Rumor has it he hit his head after slipping on the glass ceiling.

I thought about this for a while, and I came up with one I think might work. It's REALLY outrageous, though. Here's how it would work: You have a mat, with four corners and a post at each one. You have three big ropes connecting the posts, making a ring. It would look something like this: I-----I I___I The two guys stand in the ring, and they wrestle. In order to win, you have to pin the other guy, or make him submit to a hold. Also, hitting someone with a weapon will cause a disqualification, and staying outside the ring for more than 10 seconds will get you counted out. You could call it a "wrestling match", or something along those lines. It's radical, I know, but I've heard some of the feds in Japan use it sometimes. Might have worked in ECW.

While we're on the subject of Mark Henry, here's something I've always wondered, but was afraid to ask because it's such a stupid question: Is "Sexual Chocolate" a racist nickname? I mean, I always assumed they called him that because he was black, but then I thought it might mean the same thing as "Sexual Candy" or something (you know, he's delicious). Does anyone know? On a similar note, I always thought the woman in WWF Attitude (n64) who shouts "write me a poem, Mark!" was actually saying "remind me of poo, Mark!" I guess I just have a fucked-up way of thinking.

Call me sick, but I laughed. Just the fact that he thought he could bring her back to life...

Triple H. Oh, wait...

Vader, after losing a mask vs. mask match to Kane: "I'm just a fat piece of shit!" A black wrestler named King Cobra says to Jerry Lawler: "Read my lips!" Lawler: "The bottom one says, 'inflate to 50 pounds'" I'm not sure about the exact phrasing, but everyone should recognize this one: "With deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked I'm sorry to hear your old Dad finally croaked He lived a good life on his own terms Now he'll be buried, and eaten by worms But if I had a son as stupid as you I'd wish for cancer, so I would die too."

1. G_O_L_D_B_E_R_G!!!!!!! One of the worst things ever to happen to the wrestling industry (or any industry, for that matter). A boring, talentless, uninventive, heat-sucking hack. 2. X-Pac He was once very talented, but stuck around about 10 years longer than he should have. He represents everything wrong with the wrestling business. A true cancer. 3. Triple H Need I say more? 4. Undertaker 100% pure dead weight. (Almost) single-handedly raped, murdered, and buried the career of Diamond Dallas Page. There is simply no reason to keep him employed. 5. A-Train The ultimate hoss (not a compliment). He is slow, ugly, sloppy, and has absolutely no charisma. The WWE has, right now, the greatest assemblage of talent in wrestling history, and they push HIM? Honorable mention goes to Kevin Nash, Bradshaw, Billy Gunn, and Buff Bagwell.

Of course he is mentioned whenever the casting of a movie villain comes up, but Jeremy Irons would do a good job as Ra's.

This is an idiotic question, but I know they always have Japanese celebrities as judges, and I was just wondering if Misawa or any of those guys have been on the show.

I wrote a lengthy column on all this (mostly about negative stars) that I thought was great at the time, but was actually quite confusing and shitty. I won't post it here, but this was the basic idea: ***** - Near flawless, can be watched an endless number of times and still be enjoyed ****-****3/4 - An excellent match, has flaws but is totally absorbing ***-***3/4 - A good match, will never be considered a classic but is fun to watch nonetheless **-**3/4 - A decent match, seriously flawed but has enjoyable moments *-*3/4 - A bad match, boring and/or sloppy, not painful to watch but completely unfulfilling DUD-3/4* - Worthless. An utter waste of time, few to no redeeming qualities Negative *'s - Not only bad but offensive, a disgrace to the industry To answer your questions: 1) The moves must be crisp and must flow together. Should be well-paced and keep my attention. Should build to a strong finish. Most important is entertainment. If a match has crisp moves and good psychology, but I find it boring, I'm not giving it *****. HOWEVER, if a match is sloppy and has little psychology but I find it very entertaining, I'm STILL not giving it *****. Entertainment is most important, but the criteria must balance each other out. It has to be good AND entertaining to be *****. 2) HHH vs. Cactus Jack from the 2000 Royal Rumble. Their No Way Out rematch came close and may have been more intense, but was not quite as fresh or enjoyable.