Toshiaki Koala

A scumbag. That's really all you need to know.

Pretty disappointing, but the horrible movie already ruined the whole Gadget thing for me.

If that's the best T-shirt ever, I think go shirtless from now on.

Rap... music?

Sounds like they had some issues before they started playing GTA...

Supposedly Christian said this at Fully Loaded, in Dallas: "If JFK had stayed five more minutes in this town, he'd have shot himself!" When Bubba tries to throw someone through a table on Raw, and it doesn't break: "FUCK!" Michael Cole on Smackdown: "Those steel steps must weigh two thousand pounds!" "And what a way to kick off Smackdown!" (says this EVERY FUCKING SHOW)

Or Kurt Angle breaking his neck.

I'm sure the game will be good, but that isn't saying much. You could stuff a turkey sandwich into the disc holder, turn the power on, and it would blow Enter the Matrix out of the water.

Well, I was watching The Untouchables last night on Bravo, and they replaced "Why don't you kiss my ass?" with "Why don't you give me a break?" That doesn't even make sense. They cut out the word "dago" in one scene, but left it in another, and kept the word "wop" in THE SAME SCENE. Also, most of the graphic violence was cut by keeping the camera focused on someone's face. Example: At the end of the train station shoot-out, there's supposed to be a long shot of a dead guy sliding down the wall, with his brains splattered on the wall and everything. Instead, they just kept the camera on the accountant's sweating face. And from Austin Powers: "Do I make you randy, baby? Do I?" This wasn't so bad, because it actually sounded like him.

From what I've heard, she's just a bitch who's desperate to shock people. Just another different-for-the-sake-of-being-different scumbag. Ugh.

I don't consider myself an expert on this stuff, but I have seen quite a few of the big AJ singles matches and there is something that has been bothering me. In many of the reviews I've seen, the crowd is said to be "climbing the walls" when a submission hold is applied. However, (from what I've seen) these matches always end with a pinfall. Why does the audience get so excited when there is almost no chance of the hold ending the match? I may have been looking at this the wrong way, so feel free to correct my ignorance.

I just downloaded KL, and I've had no problem finding matches. However, the average file size is about 50 MB (!!!). Is this a joke? Do you actually download them like this?

As I see it, the biggest problems with Raw are: 1. Triple H 2. HHH 3. Hunter Hearst Helmsley 4. Paul Levesque 5. "The Game" 6. The world champion 7. "The Cerebral Assassin" 8. The former Terra Ryzin 9. A stringy-haired steroid freak with a big nose 10. Kane (I find him boring)

While you're at it, is there any way I could make circles square? 'Cause that would be nifty.

Would you care to explain this?

LaDainian? LADAINIAN? LADAINIAN!!? That's like stamping the word "failure" on your child's forehead. I know he's probably making lots of money, but really. Come on, now.

Yeah, that would be great. A bloated steroid freak against a tired, bitter, crippled old man. ... Just kidding. Honestly! (ducks)

Angle vs. Shane from KOTR probably entertained me more than any other match I've seen. It had some sloppiness (including the worst sharpshooter ever, by Shane), and wasn't a classic of psychology or anything, but it had great spots and was never boring. Also, I've never felt more satisfied after a match than when Angle won. I don't know, maybe being there in person made me enjoy more than I otherwise would have. And I will admit to loving the Big Show vs. Bossman feud (in fact, it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.)

The only way I could see HHH being cheered is if he shot himself on air. Or if he told people to boo him.

I voted for Cast Away, despite the awful ending. I also enjoyed "Catch Me if You Can" very much. Road to Perdition was a horrible film. It was beautifully photographed, had fine set design, and good performances. However, it comes straight out of the "Everyone dies -- Masterpiece" school of filmmaking. It is no more than a grim bloodbath. In some movies, you can tell a character is going to die by the way his is handled and introduced. In "Road to Perdition", however, the fact that a character has a name usually indicates their coming death. I don't think Hanks cracked a single smile during the whole two hours.

Abraham Lincoln.

Another great one: When Kurt Angle was feuding with the Big Show, he encounters Bossman backstage. ANGLE: Hey, you don't like the Big Show, right? BOSSMAN: I pulled his daddy out of his grave and dragged him across the cemetary at high speed! ANGLE: Riiiiight.... And from good ol' J.R.: "Farooq, handlin' the Big Johnson!" "The Rock just jerked Helmsley off... the top rope!" "Chyna just gave Al Snow Head!" "Folks, I would like to apologize for the language used by Stone Cold Steve Austin..." (later that night) "Bah Satan's soul, may Triple H burn in hell! That sonofabitch! That no-good, God-damned sonafabitch!" From Austin (face)'s feud with Angle (heel): "Folks, I know there is no way Kurt Angle could beat Stone Cold cleanly, one on one." From Austin (heel)'s feud with Angle (face): "Folks, I know there is no way Stone Cold could beat Kurt Angle cleanly, one on one."

When I first began to write this, I wasn’t sure exactly where I stood on the issue. But as I got to writing, I got to thinking, and I have come to the decision that, yes, negative star ratings can and should be used. More on that later. Here is what the star ratings mean to me: ***** - Near flawless, can be watched an endless number of times and still be enjoyed ****-****3/4 - An excellent match, has flaws but is totally absorbing ***-***3/4 - A good match, will never be considered a classic but is fun to watch nonetheless **-**3/4 - A decent match, seriously flawed but has enjoyable moments *-*3/4 - A bad match, boring and/or sloppy, not painful to watch but completely unfulfilling DUD-3/4* - Worthless. An utter waste of time, few to no redeeming qualities In my eyes, for a match to rate in the negatives, it must not only be bad but offensive. The sloppiest, most boring match should only receive DUD unless it is a disgrace to the business, and tarnishes the rest of the show. An example of this is the WCW Thunder match in which David Arquette won the title. I haven't seen this match, so for all I know there may have been some decent wrestling in it. However, to me, this match cannot receive any of the ratings listed above. The single fact of its result makes it an insult to everyone who has watched or competed in the sport of wrestling. It brought dishonor to what was once one of the most coveted titles in the industry. Anyone who was not embarassed after seeing this match cannot truly call themself a wrestling fan. Another example of this would be the infamous Pat Patterson vs. Gerald Briscoe Evening Gown Match. This is not a bad match. It is an abomination, a repellent mockery of a once-respected sport. It allowed two legends to disgrace both themselves and the title they were competing for, and is a slap in the face to anyone who has followed their careers. No, I stand corrected. It is a slap in the face to anyone who has breathed air. To say that the match is simply worthless would not be enough. A worthless match, a DUD, has no casualties but itself. It may be awful, even unwatchable, but it does not taint or bring down the rest of the show. The Evening Gown disaster is a detriment to the wrestling business. Nothing less than a negative star rating can bring justice to it. Now, earlier I mentioned that for a match to receive negative stars it must not only be bad but offensive. The most atrocious wrestling alone, I said, cannot warrant a negative rating. But can a match to be so ineptly wrestled as to be offensive? So far, I have not seen one that fits this descriptor. However, I will allow for the possibility that such a contest will take place. Certainly their have been wrestlers of insultingly poor skill (I’m looking at you, Giant Gonzalez), though none have yet produced a match that by its badness alone is a disgrace to professional wrestling. I’ve already established that negative ratings should be used. But how should they be used? Is there really a difference between a -*** match and a -***1/4 match? How does one measure offensiveness? How can one tell what negative effects a match will have on the wrestling industry? The answer is (fairly) simple. Like the positive ratings, negative stars are based on PERSONAL belief, and PERSONAL reaction. They are a measure of how much you personally were offended by the match. A match that rates -***** is a total disgrace, a black mark on the industry, one of the darkest moments in wrestling history. It is a self-inflicted wound that will never heal. A -* match is the inverse of a * match – it is mildly (but clearly) offensive. It will cause no serious harm, but is nonetheless a mockery of wrestling’s ideals. I would rate the Evening Gown match at around -**3/4 to -***, while the only match deserving of -***** is the aforementioned Arquette fiasco. I hope you enjoyed reading my column (hah!), and maybe even were enlightened by it (yeah right!). Any feedback would be appreciated. David Noonan “Spine Upon the Pine”