Toxxic

What does this mean? Are you saying that I'm portraying Birdman as being faster than he should be? No, I'm saying you've given the guy speed 9 and he doesn't do anything more flashy than Toxxic does at speed 7, if that. You're only a step down from Andrea, and she GRINDS ALONG THE FRICKING TOP ROPE. That takes fucking BALANCE.

SIX-MAN MAIN EVENT OF DOOM!! The Masked Man, Mike Van Siclen, and Todd Cortez vs. Andrea Montgomery, The Birdman, and Justin Bowers ~Hmm. We don't have stats for Bowers yet, but I'm going with Team Justice 'n' Flop. ~And SD5 (with a random wrestler for the statsless Bowers, on this occasion Max King) predicts the Bird Buster defeating Todd Cortez SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE WACKINESS!! ”The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Sean Davis w/ Special Guest Ref: “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins ~I hardly dare predict against BOTH my stablemates, but I still think Flesher will get this one. ~The Maelstrom gets the win, without even a fast count! SUBMISSION MATCH!! OH MY!! Landon Maddix vs. Ace Lezaire ~Hoo... Landon. Because LANDON IS GOLD~ ~Landon makes Ace tap to the WRATH OF TODD~! RECOVERY MATCH!! Dace Night vs. Johnny Dangerous ~Brit pride says Dace, as does match-writing ability. Plus he'll be in this town in a month, and he won't be pleased if I pick against him ~Dace. Torture Crab. Under four minutes. Thank you, come again. USJL TITLE MATCH!! “The Corona” Vladimir Everheart vs. Manson© ~Gotta go with the VladLove ~Vlad suffers the CONSEQUENCES of opposing MANSONOCITY HARDCORE BOUT!! Jamie Drazon vs. Candace ~Drazon, if he writes, to collect the $5000 bounty ~The Asian Death Lock gets it, believe it or not FOUR-MAN THREE-PHASE ELIMINATION MATCH!! Ryan Dustin vs. David Cross vs. Edward James vs. Nathan Xavier ~No-one's seen Dustin for ages, James is clinically dead and Cross beat Xavier last time, so Cross. ~Yeah right. Not doing this one. OPENING SINGLES MATCH OF DEATH!! Ced Ordonez vs. Grand Slam ~Ced in Steven's match. ~Walk-Off. Lights out.

Opening promo from Munich, which is pretty amazing in itself. And he was some champion a n00b like me has never heard of... and he's going to unite the US titles? interesting, although I think Manson, Vlad and others may have their own opinions on that. And Justin Bowers vs Mr Peanut. Well... I guess the entire point of this match was to point out that Bowers is GREEN, greener than Kermit the Frog when he's seasick. But then again, he felled a monstrous HOSS~ in about one minute. So hey. Candace vs Xavier. Frisco, one thing - RILEY LIKES HEELS. OK, so he's not-very-ambiguously gay and wouldn't cheer for a girl on that count, but HE LIKE HEELS. He HATES faces. So he is going to LIKE Frisco, and support Candace. The only time I've ever seen Riley support a face or boo a heel was when Janus knucklebombed his own freaking SISTER, then chokeslammed Comet when he tried to intervene. That's IT. ANyway, the match. Well, the spelling and grammar still need a little work. Nathan gets a LOT of big offence in early, however I do like the bit where he puts her on the top rope and tells her off - i can see the 'fun-loving' face actually doing that. But Nathan's offence is seriosuly overboard here - in the face of some chops and kicks, he's delivering chokeslams, massive clotheslines... he's strength 9, that's STRONG. I'd have trouble justifying Toxxic kicking out of all the shit that Xavier unloads here, and Toxxic's world champ. Anyway, the finish is actually pretty good if a little cheesy - Candace takes advantage of Nathan's good-guy nature by feigning an injury. I'm a little doubtful about the match-up of her legs vs his arms, cos the guy's freaking huge and nearly as strong as Janus, but that's all debatable. I will add though, if someone says "does not get involved in the match" they generally don't want people touching them, either. Mask/Todd promo. Oh dear God, is all I'm saying. The tag match.You know, I like the way this is handled, and not just cos Rev-0 win. I think the team dynamics work really well, you can justify the early exit of the Boy Scouts since James never gets in, and after that it really develops the whole Mask/Todd/Mike thing very well indeed, so that Spike and Sean's win comes as a result of it, but not unconvincingly. By the same token, Todd is put over as he was in the ring for ages, never backed down and it STILL took a doubleteam to put him away. Birdman vs David Cross: Well, it's clearly rushed as it only seems to just get into it's stride before it comes crashing to a halt. I'm not sure Birdy's antics really justifies Speed 9 though. ANyway, this was obviously a rush job so there's not much point commenting as Birdy knows how to improve on it. Vlad vs Hunt: Hmm, opening flurry by Vlad appears to have no effect on Hunt despite a dropkick to the head and a tope con hilo. I know it's early, but he's up and away like nothing's happened. And then it's reversed, as Vlad avoids an elbow drop and pops up unhurt to regain the advantage. The next spot I really notice is Hunt catchin Vlad and bridging into a Fallaway - I like it a lot, but could Hunt relly do that? I don't have his stats to hand, but I'd have thought he wasn't strong enough to catch a wrestler some 25lbs heavier and do that. And again, could he catch Vlad and get him up for a press slam? Still, Vlad gets out and hits the Northern Lights Bomb for the win. Felt a little patchy in parts, but still good stuff from a prominent member of the Brit Clique Andrea and Blanka vs M Bison and Ace Lezaire: Great. Absolutely fucking great. If we had a Comedy Match Title, it'd be between Drea and Masky. And Spike has a tantrum. Aww, bless him. Flesher vs Sly: What can I say? Flesher owns all, he would have beaten me one-on-one if he'd shown, and what further proof do you need than this? Landon vs Johnny: Tis a good match. It deserves more, I know, I know, but I'm starting to get tired now. I like the point that Landon seems to find it difficult to focus without Card at ringside. but I need to sleep soon.

It's not the crazy, ginmmick matches that cause problems. I've been equally annoyed with one of TNT's cards when it goes up with a comment like "must post this, South Park is on" and there has been no continuity at all. ANYONE who's booking should pay attention to who's who, who's doing what and who's face and heel for fuck's sake. As long as you don't start booking nme in strap matches, I don't mind.

In a motel somewhere in Salt Lake City “Ouch.” “What?” Jet asks, looking up from the TV to where Toxxic is lounging on the bed. The Straight-Edge Sensation is idly leafing through the Wrestling Panda newsletter. Toxxic grins and passes it over to her. “Look at what went down in Japan this week.” Jet takes the newsletter and tracks down the page, briefly frowning as words like ‘overpushed’ and ‘ratings expected to drop’ in conjunction with her boyfriend’s title reign. Then she finds the article Toxxic directed her to and frowns. “Gaijin Cup - an all-day knock-out event culminating in a Two-Tier Barbed Wire Exploding Cage Death Match. The final saw Aecas defeat Insane Luchador...” “Yup,” Toxxic chuckles. “I always knew Rickmen was insane, but not that insane.” “And Aecas?” “Oh, his sanity’s not in doubt,” Toxxic replies. “As in, it’s on extended vacation.” He looks at his girlfriend. Jet continues to stare at the newsletter, but something in her vacant expression clues Toxxic into the fact that she’s thinking about something else. “What’s up?” “It’s just something I thought about,” she replies. “You know when I was watching you from the back at Ground Zero; do you know what the scariest moment was?” “When I went through the announce table?” Toxxic winces at the memory. “No. That was a relief.” “A relief!?” The World Champion sits bolt upright. “What the hell do you mean, a relief!?” Jet sighs and pulls out a video from her bag, then slots it into the VCR. “I need to show you this,” she tells the perplexed straight-edger. “I don’t think you were in quite the right position to see it when you were wrestling.” The dreadlocked girl presses play and sits back. Toxxic watches himself grab Janus’ head and run for the corner, climbing the turnbuckles as he goes, then vault backwards until he is vertical over the Hell Machine’s head... and Jet presses pause. “So what’s the big deal?” Toxxic asks. “Look,” Jet replies. “Imagine it’s Janus doing the move on you. What’s he doing?” Toxxic looks. It takes a couple of seconds for the image to click, but then- “Rage Unleashed,” he whispers, the colour draining from his face at the thought of how close he came to being dropped with one of the most feared moves in the SWF. “It was only the dodgy knee that stopped him,” Jet nods. “It gave way, he lurched to one side and threw you over the ropes instead of dropping you on your head.” Toxxic stares at the screen. After a couple of seconds though, he grins. “Yeah, but Janus is gone now,” he tells Jet, “and if he ever comes back I just won’t use that move on... him... wait a second.” The Straight-Edge Sensation squeezes his eyes shut for a second, then opens them and smiles slightly shakily at his girlfriend. “You might have just saved my neck.” “Huh?” “Dace,” Toxxic says, lying back on the bed. “The bastard was in a stable with Janus for months. I bet he knows enough about the big lug’s moves to pull a Rage Unleashed on me. And I bet he would, too.” “Well, if you will go around annoying people like that,” Jet admonishes him jokingly. “Right,” the World Champion says decisively. “No Intoxxication for Dace. Can’t be too careful, especially not where that git’s concerned.” He looks at his watch. “Where the bloody hell is Spike, anyway?” “Oh, he rang while you were in the shower,” Jet tells him. “Said if he wasn’t here with a car by five he’s got lost in the mall.” They both look at the clock, which reads 5:24. “Right, there’s only one solution to this,” Toxxic says, springing off the bed. “Grab the golden balloon...”

Hmm, INTRIGUE~ Man, I never know Card was such a wuss...

A relatively unassuming promo - interesting... in the slew of people claiming to be the next World Champion and stuff, it's always good to have someone whose character is content to just be a fucking psycho and kick people very hard. Of course, now Drazon will probably go on a tear and beat everyone in sight, finishing off by winning the World Title by October. Or something.

Yeah, that's right, you go to older things I know nothing about. *pouts and sulks*

Opening promo from me and Dace, w00t. The debut match from David Cross - and I have to say, looking good. Slightly suspect with the momentum reversals with little selling, but pretty solid. Candace in-ring promo. Well done to rile up the crowd, the only thing I'd say is that Riley's heel-love should allow him to support Candance and Frisco. Andrea's promo. This is fucking AWESOME, and I apologise for not being able to come up with any more stupid locations for her. If you're going to do a silly promo kids, then THIS is how it should be done. And may i say that Drea and Masked Man would make a LOVELY couple. And now, Spike's match. I have to say, I alternatively laughed and winced. It seems kind of low to make fun of the Boy Scouts in a match... but then again, they're not writing to defend themselves. Still, Spike wins and uses a vamped up version fo Flesher's Ego Trip to do it. Uh-oh... I like Vlad's promo - again, great comedy - but would Ace really say 'knave'? nevermind - his Norweigan is, um, interesting. looks like we have a feud brewing, and that can only be good. Landon promo. Got to give it up for Landon, he's great. Unlike Johnny's new entrance music, which is halfway between amusing and cringeworthy. Nevertheless, we now have a match setup with NO Card Enterprise interference, which should be interesting. I'm still backing Maddix to win though And SPike's promo - I really like this one as well, Spike shows good intensity (it's the lack of weed, y'know). And then Flesher's confronted by an ANGRY~! Austin Sly. And he names faces to get a face pop... hm... interesting. MANSONOCITY! he's back, he's motivated, he's a face and he's STILL CHAMP! But Max King comes out and attacks him, and we have another feud going down. Ex-cellent! More to come after my computer stops burning.

Like I said, I haven't seen the film. But I've heard it's similar in some respects to The Black Angel - as in, there's an Asian girl whose parents are killed in front of her when she's 6, who later returns as an assassin. So in that respect, it's similar. I actually like the dynamic you're creating between Candace and Frisco. I just think the cat and mouse thing was unneccessary and sucked.

I had two finishers you could kick out of/avoid. The Bret Hart Level Of Death Sharpshooter and the Evenflow Moonsault (which was later moved to signature moves due to lack of use). So shut your pie hole. I wouldn't have kciked out of the moonsault when it was a finisher. When it got moved back to sigs, I might have done. And submissions are different. *no-sells all Crow's offence*

1) I haven't seen Kill Bill, but from what I've heard it rips from Black Angel, so maybe you're ripping from Kill Bill instead. 2) So sue me 3) I never said he didn't. I just said that this fed isn't a Tarantino movie. And that you need to grow up.

OK a) You're ripping off The Black Angel. The film, not Aecas. b) Is it just me who happens to think that deliberate cruelty to animals, even in fictionalised text form, is fucking sick? Grow up. This is an e-fed, not a Tarantino movie.

MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH Toxxic vs Dace Night ~No prediction. ~SD5 says Dace whps my arse and wins via Defenestration SINGLES MATCH Johnny Dangerous vs Landon Maddix ~LANDON IS GOLD~! CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH Tom Flesher vs Austin Sly ~Flesher. Gotta go with The Man. ~SD5 says Austin takes it with a Northern Lights Suplex TAG MATCH Andrea Montgomery & Blanka vs Ace Lezaire & M. Bison ~Err... what the fuck? I pick Drea, cos she's crazier. USJL CONTENDERSHIP MATCH “The Corona” Vladimir Everheart vs Martin “Big Country” Hunt ~Brit Pride says Vlad. Plus, he's good. HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP MATCH David Cross vs The Birdman ~Hum... I'll say Birdbrain FOUR WAY ELIMINATION TAG MATCH Hollywood Boulevard (Todd Cortez & Mike Van Siclen) vs The Wayward Sons (Ced Ordonez & Edward James) vs Sean Davis & Spike Jenkins vs The Masked Man & "The Icon" Max King ~Stable Pride says my boys. Or boy-and-girl. SINGLES MATCH "The Notorious" John Duran vs Jamie Drazon ~Duran! ~SD5 says Duran vis the Blunt Force Trauma SINGLES MATCH Nathan Xavier vs Candace ~Hmm... well I've never seen Jake's writing and I know Candace shows, so I'll say the little Japanese girl ~SD5 with its HOSSLOVE~! says Xavier vis the Flatliner SINGLES MATCH Justin Bowers vs Mark Kinxx ~Don't doubt Judge.

I love not needing to worry if I can kick out of finishers or not. "Should I do it? Will he/she be mad at me? Does it fit the story of the match?" I CAN'T kick out of ANY finisher. Makes it a whole lot easier. Of course, the trick is to hit me with one in the first place... p.s. Davis - I've been meaning to tell you this before, but you might want to lose the 'Cylcone Piledriver' from your stats. Because that's a Demonstar Driver, and that is sacred. No, not Andrew Blackwell.

OK, Bowers is Judge's apprentic... but who the hell is Kinxx? This card looks pleasingly insane. And I get to face Dace in the all-British World Title Main Event! Wooo! Good luck everyone. Except the other teams in the tag match of course. And Dace, cos if he gets lucky I have NO chance and the JOBBED WORLD TITLE OF DOOM~! will continue... EDITED TO ADD: Dace, note minor stats changes.

Johnny... GET FUCKING LAID! That is all. *marks for being identified as evil*

Ok, Dace reviewed everyone else’s match so the least I can do is review his. A good bit of scene-setting from the commentators although the dialogue seems a little stilted in parts. What I DON’T like is the excessive use of the lyrics to the entrance music, as I’m fairly sure that the wrestlers would already be out and in the ring by the time it’s done, but this is more an issue of presentation than actual wrestling so I’ll shut my hole. Good opening spot of Lezaire paying for his cockiness by having the two faces - well, one face and one crowd-pleasing psycho - annihilate him before turning on each other. The counter wrestling is good as well as you’d expect from Dace. I can’t decide whether I like Dace blocking two of Drazon’s finishers in quick succession or not - on one hand it makes it obvious that Drazon needs to soften people up before using them, on the other it makes Dace look superior right from the start. Then again Dace does win, so maybe that’s the point. I’m also not sure why Drazon’s Shoteis are so much more effective on Dace than Flesher’s, when Dace was basically no-selling them during their five-mtchn series, but maybe Drazon’s martial arts background counts there. Love the “Ace Sucks Steve!” chant. Our crowd are never short of some good abuse for the heels. Can you bridge up from a prone position through a double chickenwing? I don’t know, so I guess I won’t doubt the Move Guru. However, where this match is really hurt for me is in the language and grammar - simple things like Ace ‘spots himself short’ instead of ‘stops himself’, and Dace’s peculiar choices on where to stop and start sentences. His wrestling knowledge comes to the rescue once more though, and little things like air for Ace being likened to sex for a teenager - important, but not really available - make me laugh. I’m surprised that even a man as tough as Drazon won’t tap out to a cross-legged STF after being kicked in the nuts TWICE, but he is Hardcore after all, and this of course allows Dace to recover from the Ace Crusher and run into break it up - ‘canoeing’ into Ace’s legs, whatever that is. And WHY does Drazon head over the top onto Steve and Ace? If Dace AND Ace had been out there I can see it happening, but the Drazon I know would have low-blowed Dace from behind and locked on his hiza-jujigatame to make him tap before Ace could get back into the ring, but hey. And why would the cowardly Lezaire attack Dace when Dace was weakening Drazon? The back work would help the Vanity or Perfection as well as the Torture Crab, there was no danger of a tap-out since they weren’t in the ring and Ace surely isn’t kindly disposed towards the man who just took him out with a suicide dive. Nevertheless the sequence where Dace puts a Stretch Plum on Ace to counter Ace’s Inverted Surfboard Dragon Sleeper is good, as is Drazon’s modified Shining Black. But let me get this straight - Drazon takes a THIRD nutshot and still has enough left to shrug it off and kick Ace around the ring? I’m surprised, to say the least. Ooh, and interference from Steve to distract the referee, how very WWE I’m not sure about Drazon leaving his man, I get a similar vibe from his as I do from Dace - basically, if the referee’s distracted he’ll just hold on and break Ace’s leg. But then again I haven’t been around as long, I could well be wrong. Dace goes from half-clear head to full speed to hit a rolling elbow... EXCELLENT counter-wrestling sequence into the Torture Crab on Drazon, but why does Lezaire go for Dace after breaking the hold? He kicks him in the back of the head (not that it matters much, as Dace no-sells it and starts firing off back elbows) when I’d have thought that since Drazon just tapped out it would make more sense to put the Perfection or Vanity on Drazon and watch him tap in under a second before Dace could interfere. But finally Dace make Drazon tap for the second time and become the new #1 contender. Overall, Dace has a major advantage in the fact that he actually showed, unlike the competition. I can’t fault the wrestling (except maybe that bridged-out Chickenwing, but I’m sure he’s right) but, dare I say it, I’m a little unsure about some of the psychology. I know, I know, pot and kettle, but I’ve got to say what I think. I’m sure everyone will argue with me but I can’t help feeling that some of the actions taken don’t really fit with the characters or common sense. It’s the language that really bugs me as it prevents a match from flowing when I have to read a sentence twice or more, not to figure out what’s going on but to figure out what words Dace intended to use. Nevertheless, I know from recent experience how hard it is to write a non-clusterfucky triple threat match, especially one with a confining stip like this one, and I salute Dace for pulling it off.

Ok... now we're getting somewhere. And beating up hicks is always good. But it's good that we're getting a two-tone vibe off Frisco. And of course the sexy Japanese girl could EASILY turn face if she wanted to by dupning Frisco - because she's esxy and japanese, and the fans would love her.

Oh hell yeah. I'm gonna break all records for length of title reign. Shortly after Janus returns and hits a Shooting Star Press.

It's a real shame to see you go - the gimmick that I liked best and all. I still mark. *bows down*

I feel confused

I'll chip in at this point and say that 16.5k went to Zed last night. Unfortunately he has informed me that he's illiterate and can't read it, but that's not my problem.

I'm still not comfortable with the main focus being on Frisco rather than Candace. All the promos have basically been saying that Candace would be nothing (or very little, at least) without her manager. That worked for Rob Gilbert because he was a spoilt rich brat who relied on his manager/trainer for interference, but I don't feel it works for a character who's meant to be as skilled/vicious in the ring as Candace.

I'm at roughly 4k I think (some is at home and some has been done sneakily at work). Seems to be flowing well, but whether it's any good or not is another matter...