Toxxic

"Big Guys Who Can Fly!" - See Big Show going to the second rope! See A-Train rip off Vader! See Bradshaw do a dropkick! All buried in footage of some of the worst hoss matches... EVER! (bonus footage of Lesnar concussing himself by doing something vaguely impressive)

Booker got a note saying something about someone remembering something. Don't ask me, I don't see it til friday. But it's in the Dames Diatribe.

Both suck in the ring. But while Batista's finisher sucks (Oh no! Not the OVW BOMB~!), he at least does it well. Orton's RKO is as sloppy as fuck. And hearing Batista's mic work of late, I have to say I'm impressed. He sounds very natural, miles better than Orton and much more listenable than the...ever...droning...Triple...H. I swear, sometimes I wonder if Trips is having a contest with himself to see if he can have a longer pause between his words than between doing a Pedigree and pinning whoever he's burying this time.

Yeah, but wouldn't it be nice if just once it didn't? It'd sure as hell confuse everyone. And maybe they could, you know, have a tag team of two brothers who never end up hating each other? Just pursue singles careers individually? And don't tell me that's what they did with the Hardyz and the Dudleyz, since both ended up on different rosters. And Jeff kicked the crap out of Matt at the Rumble. And besides, I'm not sure if Jeff even knew he had a brother for the last few months of his stay... *refuses to go into the "obviously-not-brothers" deal with the Dudleyz*

Any Raw recap is better than no Raw recap. Although I'm not sure if any Raw is better than no Raw... But no, this was a fine job. Now I have until friday to see if i can stand to see Kane and Shane in a restuarant...

Right here and now from the start, I'm putting my backing behind Jericho. The guy is awesome, not only in promo work where he's directly trying to get a response from the crowd, but also in the backstage acting segments, and even as a bystander. For example, during the Highlight Reel segments he usually manages to find a way of getting the crowd involved... SUBTLY. He fills in the pauses, carefully makes the crowd's thinking fall into what it's "supposed" to be whilst actually stating the opposite viewpoint, etc. And all of this without an endless stream of sing-a-long catchphrases like Rock or Austin. Or turning bright red, bursting a blood vessel and repeating himself five times like Flair. Any takers?

Then who are you to say without seeing Flair's work in his prime what he can and can not do? What I mean is - if you think that Flair's mic work since 2000, and especially since he has been in Evolution is equal to or better than his mic work in his previous career, then i say Jericho tops him due to Flair's over-acting antics. If you reckon that Flair's promo skills have deteriorated and that he was better earlier in his career, then I'm going to have to reserve judgement. What i can say is that at this time in the WWE (the only programming I have access to), I believe Jericho to be the best. I know I started this topic with the question "of all time" without having seen a fair bit of what people may refer to - but then again no-one can see EVERY promo. So to reitorate (and spell it wrong) - since 2000 in the WWE I think Jericho is the best mic worker in all departments. Yes, even better than Flair, Foley or Rock.

Can he still? I missed most of Flair's best wrestling days, but his recent mic work doesn't seem to have it. Take his tirade against Austin last week, for example: "You can't do that! You can't do that! What if he can never walk again!? What if he can never wrestle again!?" He turned red, was ludicrously over the top and more or less repeated himself twice in four sentences. Not to mention presumably messing up the order, since if someone can't walk it's a fair bet they can't wrestle. It just seems to me that Flair goes all-out on emotional overkill and forgets exactly what he wants to say and in what order.

Oh, and don't get me started on Hogan. He's not bad and he usually sounds genuinely emotional, but he overdoes it and the "brothers" make me want to throw a brick through my TV.

Rock is very very good, it's true, but I think Jericho just caps him for greater emotional display. Rock only ever does superior mocking-type stuff. Jericho is capable of communicating anger, frustration, humour AND mocking. Plus a lot of Rock's verbal arsenal, impressive as his high-speed delivery is, consists of stringing a bunch of insults together as quickly as possible whilst heading for the nearest catchphrase. Face Jericho has one catchphrase, which only ever appears at the start of a verbal tirade. Heel Jericho has none, except for calling people "assclowns" and "jackasses" ("sanctinmonious son-of-a-bitch" is reserved solely for Austin, and therefore doesn't count), but still gets the job done whilst leaving a pleasant minty taste.

Sorry - do i start it again over there, or do one of the SUPER ADMINS~! wrench it loose and send it tumbling mercilessly end-over-end into the pit they call Wrestling Polls and Lists? Come to think of it, Regal's pretty good on the mic...

Best. Post. This Week. Scarily accurate too. When Stone Cold came out for the contract signing I swear JR orgasmed. It wasn't exactly that dramatic, and given that the signing would take place between Bischoff and Austin it would seem reasonable to assume that Austin WOULD be coming out - but still Coach's whipping boy creams his jeans.

Benoit and Eddie can wrestle - but they're also names being thrown around as possible steroid users. i must say that looking at Benoit I find it impossible to believe that he doesn't use them. Of course I know jack about this, being a 175lb weakling, but my mate's a bodybuilder/wrestler and I'm pretty sure he has his doubts about Benoit's "naturalness". He also says that if Lesnar hasn't done roids then his body size at the age of 25 is truly scary. Then again, what about bloody Rene Dupree. The guy's what, 20? He's a year younger than me and isn't much smaller than Benoit. THAT'S scary.

Oh yeah, I know he's big. But he's taller than Benoit, and Benoit's built like the proverbial brick shithouse whereas Christian's more wiry. Of course Benoit's probably naturally stockier than Christian anyway, but if Christian IS on roids then comparing him to other suspected/likely/no-way-they-can't-be roid users, he's pretty small. I'm not saying that he wouldn't stand out as built in normal company, just that he's on the lower end of muscle mass on the WWE roster.

That's just maternity weight. Trust me, if Mae Young can give birth to a hand, Show can give birth to a hippo. Probably at about the same time Vince is too preoccupied with a steroid trial to care about ANYTHING his company puts on tv. *looks at last sentence* Is anyone sure that Vince isn't being prosecuted now?

Jericho doesn't look like a roid monkey. And if Show or Christian are on steroids then if I were them I'd be complaining bitterly about the effectiveness, since Xtian looks like a cruiserweight that's been streched a bit and Show looks like he's pregnant with a hippo.

Ah, Ernest Miller - the poor man's Steve Blackman. I can only assume that management went: "Well, we have this guy we don't know about from WCW, let's put him on the colour spot on Velocity" Months later... "Oh dear God! I just watched Velocity and Miller's awful! Maybe he's a wrestler, not an announcer! Hype him up and send him into the ring, he can probably have some decent matches against people who kick a lot. You know, like Tajaki. Fujiri? The little Jap guy with the short hair rather than the one with the long hair. Oh, and maybe that guy in the sparkly cape and the fire as well, what's his name?"

Why not? I'm still amazed that Austin got away with stunning Stacy. For one thing, he wasn't provoked. Secondly, he attacked a woman for not drinking beer (alcohol-fuelled domestic violence, anyone? You know, like Austin was charged with in RL?). Thirdly, Stacy "mended her ways" the next week after Austin's attack (condoning it). Fourthly, ANYONE who attacks or badmouths the owner of Stacy Keibler's legs normally gets booed to hell. Austin cannot stunner anymore women if they're to keep him an evenly remotely credible face. I don't care what the fans at the show cheer for - I'm thinking that WWE would get in severe trouble if Austin lays a finger on another woman anytime soon.

Little Johnny HAS to be the guy's penis. It's even "camera shy" (see Heat). I don't even want to think about how Little Johnny will finally be reveled (or his identity, at least). Still - kinda weird, vaguely dumb but seemingly well-meaning guy with a name for his penis and a fondness for WWE superstars takes on Hurricane in a "whose gimmick is more realistic" match and wins hands-down. And I'm not sure if that's good, bad, or just kudos to Helms for getting such a dumb gimmick over in the first place.

RRR - that idea for a feud is amazing. Truly brilliant. And i never thought I would say that about anything having Funaki as a time-travelling warrior scientist...

Last week, Stone Cold stuns Stacy for not doing what he wants. This week, she obeys him. She has, in his words, "learned a valuable lesson". With alcohol as the catalyst! This is frigging domestic abuse! Jindrak and Cade just stealing the bounty was cool though. Even if they were stopped by the One-Man Burial Crew, HHH. Sad to see that there doesn't appear to be a Stone Cold/Jericho double turn in the works. Anyone else really hoping that Team Austin lose at SS and the irritating alcoholic stops taking up TV time?

I'm praying to God that might happen someday. At the moment I can deal with Jericho not hitting Austin, because it comes over as Jericho not giving Austin what he wants. When it turns into Jericho being scared of Austin is when I'll REALLY hate Austin as GM. Ah, I hate Austin as GM anyway. It's fine to have a GM who can't be physically intimidated, but Foley pulled that off so much better. Sure, with a bit of effort you COULD kick the crap out of Foley (ala Hunter before HIAC with Nash - I know Foley was guest ref rather than GM or commish then, but it still applies) - but he still wouldn't change his mind. Austin just kicks the crap out of everyone (or will be soon, after his team's inevitable win at SS). Incidently, what was with Steiner's "I don't have a problem with you?" when Austin "saved" Stacy? He's Scott Steiner! He has a problem with everyone! He hit members of the creative team in WCW! I think Taker would make a good GM after he retires - virtually impossible to intimidate and with, these days, a fairly highly-developed "moral" character. As long as he limited his chokeslams.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Fuck you WWE! Fuck you now! I put up with shit from you, I watch your half-assed PPVs (well not No Mercy cos I was busy spending time with girls in PVC), I watch you bury Jericho and over-push two green Canadians whilst involving them in a racial angle they sholdn't even be in, I put up with your Royal Family taking up hour after hour on my TV while Shane goes 50/50 with the Unstoppable Monster Bah Gawd Kane after he demolished RVD (RVD-haters - he deserves better than Shane gets, SURELY we can all agree on that?), Steph screams like a loon and breaks down on camera and takes 20 FUCKING MINUTES to do an interview, I watch (well, try to ignore) Vince booking himself into match after match and "deflowering" surgically-altered bint after surgically-altered bint, I allow my ears to go numb as Linda bores me to fucking tears, I watch bits of a show featuring Bischoff "raping" Linda and then i watch for week after week as Bischoff is humiliated and made to look like the McMahons' bitch for no other purpose that to suit your non-forgiving, non-forgetting egos, I watched as you brought Hogan back AGAIN when the only place he should be is in retirement, in Japan or helping TNA get a tv deal and didn't scream TOO loudly as he provided crap match after crap match as Mr. FUCKING AMERICA, I watch SCSA drink beer and act irrationally week after week whilst being cheered on by JR and numbskulls who think it's cool to get drunk and beat up women, I watched you bring back the APA, watched you chronically misuse Ultimo Dragon and have Spanky get demolished simply because he's a Cruiserweight when he's a better worker with more charisma that 98% of the Raw roster... and NOW, on top of this stinking, fuming pile of excrement that is starting to corrode my soul from it's mere presence, you're taking away the ONE UNADULTERATED PLEASURE that I still have from your programming - Tazz being allowed to break kayfabe, take the piss out of and interact hilariously with Josh Matthews and actually make Velocity the best current WWE TV product. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS!?

What? An announcer who talks sense on Raw? You've got to be kidding me! At least on Smackdown we have Tazz, although he's even better on Velocity because he knows none of the management watch so he can break kayfabe as often as he likes. *under breath* pleasefirelawlerpleasefirelawlerbringinsomeonewho'snotobsessedwithbreastspleasefirelawlerpleasefirelawler...

And no, I didn't read spoilers either. Come in and join me, unspoiled Brits! Or indeed anyone who gives a damn. May I first ask what in the blue hell was going on with the epsiode of Raw I've just seen? First, Austin saves Stacy from Steiner (JR - "oh no, Steiner's going to do the unthinkable!"). Next, he Stunners her for not liking beer (Crowd - "Yeah!", JR - "Well, I'm not saying it's a good thing, but it's my mate Steve so I'm just going to call it 'unpredictable'"). Lesson one: You have a female, particularly a non-wrestling female, attacked on your program by a male wrestler and you DON'T talk it up like the end of the world - you're in trouble. Anyone remember when the Dudleys put Stacy through the table? WWE got out of that through Lawler and Ross calling it as hideous. Now we have Austin, convicted of alcohol-fuelled domestic abuse remember, drinking beer and Stunning a woman. Not only is that questionable on moral grounds, especially so given his past, but their failure to sell it as such could cause problems. Now, consider this. Is Austin turning heel? Generally, attacking Stacy means you are THE DEVIL~! 'cos she's so hot and all. Admittedly, here beer may win over legs. BUT Austin's response later was "why can't people calm down?" (or similar), he refused to call security following the attempted attacks on Goldberg because he wanted to get to the bar, he didn't even help Rosey out of the fucking phonebox and, most damning of all, JERICHO of all people went in to help Trish, then rubbed it in Austin's face - nicely. No overwhelming ego, no King-Of-The-World, just that he was treating a lady with respect, which Austin can't. Now since Jericho and Austin are enemies, I'm starting to smell a double turn, which is given further weight by a theory my girlfriend came up with - namely, that Stone Cold is the one behind the mysterious attacks on Goldberg. Now I see that Nash is out for a couple of months, so he can't return to (try and) claim the bounty on Goldberg's head as I believe was the original plan. So Stone Cold turns heel, goes for the cash ("I'm not a wrestler anymore, I have bills to pay") and sets up Austin/Goldberg for WMXX, simultaneously developing his character into what might be called an "Evil Drunk" in the land of EWR gimmicks? This would be an interesting storyline. I'm certainly interested in Raw now, which I haven't been for months. I want to know what Austin's going to do next, and whether Jericho's attitude is going to change any more. Well done WWE - it appears that an untimely injury might have made your show a hell of a lot more interesting. If there's already been a post on this, my apologies. Like I said, being on this side of the atlantic I only just saw Raw, and didn't hunt down any spoilers because until I saw the show I had no real interest in it. But does anyone else think that Austin as the attacker is at all likely?