Gary Floyd

One month. Well, it didn’t feel like a month. To Anne Frank, a Jew in hiding from the Nazis, it seemed like a year. One month since the fateful encounter with the mysterious man from another world, who she only knew as ‘Goku’. The handsome stranger had stepped through time and into her life, then disappeared without a trace. Anne was almost sure that they’d never meet again, even though not one day passed without her dreaming of him. Little did she know, however, that their lives were tied by the unbreakable red string of fate. It was another boring day in the Secret Annex. Anne sat on the bed of her room, writing in her diary. It never occurred to her, however, that this entry would be her last. As she wrote in the quiet attic, there was a loud noise from downstairs. Her heart jumped with both fear and excitement. Was it them? The Nazis? Or, could it be... him? She had no idea whether to run downstairs or to hide. That decision, however, was made for her. Her door flew open, and a tall soldier was visible in the doorway, glaring at her. The cries of her family members and friends were tuned out as Anne only thought of one thing. She stood up and followed the soldier out of her room, down the stairs, and into the back of a truck. "So this is it." She said quietly to herself. "I’ll never see him, my one true love, ever again. And all those years of hiding" they were for naught." Then, Anne realized that she left her precious diary up in her room. She broke loose from the officer, and made a dash back into the shop, when he removed a gun from his holster and fired a shot in her direction. Anne fell to the floor. Anne lay on the floor, feeling searing pain run through her leg, where the bullet had met its mark. The Gestapo officer menacingly moved towards her, grinning, when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light, causing the officer to shield his eyes. A huge cloud of smoke appeared next to Anne, blocking her from the soldier’s vision. When the smoke cleared, he was in for quite a surprise. There was Goku, holding Anne in his arms, standing next to a huge metal capsule. "Goku!" cried Anne "You came back... for me!" Goku smiled. "Anything for you, my dear." He said. "Our love will never be lost" not until the end of time." The Gestapo officer turned tail and ran, but Goku was too quick for him. After laying Anne on the concrete, he dashed towards the Nazi and knocked him to the ground, unconscious, with only one blow. "Nazi scum." Muttered Goku as he spit on his enemy’s limp body, then returned to Anne. "Here, I have something for you." Goku said, as he removed a small bean from his pocket. "What on earth is this?" asked Anne. Goku smiled, remember how ignorant she was to what was everyday life to him. "A senzu bean." He said. "Just eat it, and it will cure your leg." Anne followed his instructions and popped the bean into her mouth, as the wound on her calve magically healed. "Now come on." Commanded Goku. "We’ve got some Nazi ass to kick." Anne jumped on the mysterious Saiyan’s back, as he launched off into the sky. After only a few moments, the two of them arrived in Berlin. Tanks were parading down the street, as Adolf Hitler himself stood on a platform overlooking it all. "Stay here." Goku said, dropping Anne in a shaded area under a tree. He then flew straight towards the parade of tanks, fist outstretched, screaming as loud as he could. The soldiers below scattered in terror, while the tanks tried to aim their cannons at him. He was too quick and nimble for them, however, and opened the hatch of a nearby Panzer, then headed inside. After dispatching of the soldiers in control of the war machine, he took the wheel. He fired round after round into the crowds of Nazi soldiers, occasionally firing at the other tanks. After only minutes, there was nothing but a cloud of dust and corpses. Goku emerged from the tank’s hatch, smiling now that he had done his duty. When all of the dust cleared, there were only two people remaining on the parade ground: Goku, the Saiyan hero, and Adolf Hitler, the most evil man ever to walk the earth. Anne watched from nearby fearfully as she saw the two men stare at each other for what seemed like hours. Her one true love, and her ultimate oppressor. It had come down to this. "So," Hitler said jovially "You took out all of my men. However, you aren’t going to defeat me." Hitler then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Goku, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Goku quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Adolf opened fire. The tank made decent cover, but it wasn’t long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets. Goku had to act. He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Hitler, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy’s hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Hitler stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Goku smirked, then said "It’s come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I’ll kill you rather painlessly." Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said "Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!" Hitler had become a Super Saiyan. Anne looked on in awe, not sure what was going on. At first, it seemed like her lover would win the battle, but now she was not so sure. Goku now seemed scared of his opponent, and it was for a good reason. Hitler continued to speak "Goku, can’t you see? I’ve reached a power level 10 TIMES anything you’ve ever achieved! Your fate is sealed, weakling." Even though the battle seemed unwinnable, Goku charged in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Everyblow he struck with was deflected off of Hitler’s rock hard body. Hitler waited for Goku to tire himself out, then raised his fist and punched Goku. And one punch was enough. Goku was knocked across the street into a large propaganda poster of Hitler, thudding to the cold, hard ground. Hitler laughed, thinking that victory was in his hands at last. Goku, however, was not ready to give up. Bruised and battered, he rose from the ground, limping in Hitler’s direction. The Nazi leader laughed. "You still want to fight? Don’t you know when to give up, boy? You can hardly walk. And you expect to beat ME? Conqueror of Europe?" Goku ignored Adolf’s taunts as he continued to stumble his way forward. Finally, the two archrivals were standing face to face. Goku stared Hitler into the eye, then screamed "This... is for LOVE!" and flew up into the sky, his hair turning blonde, his eyes blue, and an aura of power radiating from him. Hitler looked on in horror at Goku. He had made the ultimate achievement. He had become a Super Ultra Power Saiyan. Goku made a cup shape with his hands, aiming at Hitler, as he belted out the words "Kame... Hame... HAAAAA!" as a beam of pure energy shot at his enemy, disintegrating the Nazi leader’s body. Goku then collapsed to the ground in a heap, exhausted from the fight. Two years later: Anne and Goku had finally reached the date of their wedding. After the battle, Anne and Goku destroyed the time machine and took a boat to Australia. They changed their names and lived new lives, ready to start over. The two young people looked into each others eyes as they kissed, as the reverend pronounced them man and wife. Finally, it seemed, Anne was at peace. And they would always be together, until the end of time.

Necromancers are widely known to be the hardest type of character to play. They do far less damage than the other classes, and take a much longer time to kill bosses than almost any build, of any class imaginable. And yet many still regard them to be the most fun... Cookie-cutter javazon: "hey necro" ::firing at a group of cows:: Myself: "Yeah? You can call me Addraek..." I said while casting Amplify and Attract on the groups he was firing at, as well as Corpse Explosion. Cookie-cutter javazon: "need amp" Myself: "Er.. alright." I was already casting Amplify and Attract, so I decided to make it a little more obvious for this person by casting more often. I also ignored the fact that he just called me ‘necro’ instead of my name. Cookie-cutter javazon: *no response* Flash to 5 minutes later. I am tagging along like a rag-doll in the underarm of a child, and see a Sorceress attacking a group of cows. I toss Lower Resist onto them and CE one or two cows. Then I continue slaving to the javazon because I’m sure he’ll begin to - Cookie-cutter javazon: "need amp, b****" Myself: "...I was helping our casters with LR" Cookie-cutter javazon: "st*u help me necro" ...And yet many still disrespect Necromancers for no apparent reason. My name is Ross, and I play my level 80 Necromancer on USEast ... Addraek - and consider him to be my favorite of all the characters I’ve played. He is my most successful Necromancer build to date, keeping in mind I do not use the cookie-cutter techniques found both in the \ game and on the Internet. By successful I mean he can kill creatures in Hell. One of the problems of Diablo II that never ceases to amaze me is the lack of player to player respect other people have on Battle.Net. It always seems like wherever I go as Addraek, there is at least one person being obnoxious, laughing at me in chat, or being rude like the javazon above. And this has stayed true for the other Necromancers that I have played. All 22 of them. I have become accustomed to being a scapegoat, being prejudiced, and being treated unfairly in a game. I know that many other Necromancers experience this and I still see no reason for it. It has to stop. "It’s only a game, man" "don’t take it so seriously." The above is the very overused and unfortunate excuse I’ve seen people make to both myself and other Necros. There are many places where prejudging has worked. One of them was the Southern US in the 1950s. Others were the concentration camps scattered around Eurasia in the late 30s and early 40s. The fact that it is a game does not excuse the fact that it is equally as upsetting and hurtful as it is in real life. Period. Perhaps it won’t get somebody to commit suicide, or to call the police on someone. But it is definitely unnecessary. I am writing this to reach out to people who don’t realize just how much what they say affects people or what they don’t say. I am also writing this to other people in the Diablo II community who have experienced unfairness as a Necromancer and want to make B.Net a nicer place to hang out. In order to fix this problem, all we need to do is stand up for people who are being treated unfairly. A "Dude, be quiet," or an "Is that really necessary?" is all we need. It is as simple as that. And on another note, I will be writing another article (what I was going to write initially) a guide to playing a Necromancer and actually enjoying it. Hope you all have been enlightened. Ross

The secret life of Inspector Gadget By Tito98310 Remember to review this when you are done! [scene: Inspector Gadget (let's call him Bill for short) and Penny are at home] Bill: How are those Pancakes coming along, Penny? Penny: Oh, they're great, Uncle Gadget! I put blue berries in them, just like you like 'em! Bill: Ohhhh (he closes his eyes and tilts his head down) Penny: (Puts the plate in front of him) Is something wrong? Bill: (throws the plate at the wall and stands forcefully) What did I say about blueberries! Why in hell would you think they're my favorite? (grabs her arm and throws her on top of the broken dish) I want you to lick those pancakes up! And when you're done with that, you're gonna pick up the glass with you TEETH! GOT THAT, BRAT?!?!? Penny: (starts to cry) B..b...but uncle Gadget! Why- Bill: ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?!?! (he slaps Penny across the face) Do as I said, NOW! [scene: Penny's school. She is sitting on a bench eating her lunch alone...teary eyed) Penny: (talking to herself) Oh yay! I..I got tuna today! Yummy! (over at some other benches) Girl: Omigod...like.. look at that freaky little girl. She's talking to herself. Let's go... like... make fun of her... Girl2: all right! (they walk over to Penny) Girl: Like, Hi! Penny: Hello. Girl: Like...why is your lip bleeding...and your cheek? And your eye? and your ear? Penny: I.. um.... umm. I was eating glass (looks down) Girl2: Uh...hah....what a freak. Like...bye Girl: What are you doing? Saying bye to that piece of trash? Oh...you, like, TOTALLY need serious help. Penny: Bye bye! (she sniffles) Oh! Ow!! (starts to cry) I have a nose bleed! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (drops her sandwich and runs to the nurses office) [scene: Penny walks in the door of her house] Penny: Hi, uncle gadget! Bill: (gets up from the chair he is sitting in and slams the door) Look what I have, PENNY! It's your REPORT card! You got a B in calculus...CALCULUS! I bought you a god damn calculator! How hard can that be??! And look! In your biology class you got an S! SATISFACTORY! That doesn't mean good! (grabs penny by the arm and throws her into the kitchen) GET YOUR ASS IN THAT CHAIR RIGHT NOW! Penny: Uncle Gadget, what are you doing? Bill: Oh...hahaha....YOU'LL see! (he runs out of the room and returns with a pair of scissors) Penny: What are you gonna do with those? Bill: Shut up, damn bitch! (he cuts off her pony tails and throws them in her face) Now, will THAT get you better grades??? Probably not... with that peanutty brain YOU have! Penny: (cries and runs to her room) [scene: Penny's room. She's petting Brain, her dog and crying) Penny: Oh, Brain. You're the only one- Bill: (breaks down the door) I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO THAT BEAST! (he pulls out a gun and shoots the dog) Penny: UNCLE GADGET!! (runs to her barely living dog and bauls with sorrow) BRAIN!! BRAIN!!!!!! Speak to me! Bill: Get off that dog! Get off NOW! (kicks penny's face and she runs back on her bed) Penny: U-u-u-u-uncle gadget! Why did you do it?!? Bill: Shut up, bitch! You want the dog? HERE! TAKE YOUR DOG! (he starts to kick the dog and it whimpers with barely any breath left) You want it now? Huh?! HUH!? ANSWER ME YOU FILTHY ORPHAN! Penny: UNCLE GADGET! STOP! STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bill: You wanted your dog! take it! (he starts kicking the dog in the head so it's facing penny) You stay in this room until I let you come out, UNDERSTAND?! Penny: (Nodds) [scene: 2 weeks later. There is a room with a starving girl and a deteriorating dog corpse. Penny is hugging the dog, and there are signs that she has eaten parts of the dog) Penny: (softly chanting) Brain....brain...brain...brain... Bill: (walks in the door) I told you to leave that dog alone! Why the hell did you shit all over?? (picks up the Penny poop and throws it in her face) You like it??? HUH?!?! Is that what you like??!?! I TOLD YOU TO STAY OFF THE DOG! (he shoots penny in the forhead) THE END

Why me? 1 One day kelso was lying on his bed and listing to music he was also reading a book, when phone rang he picked it up hello? He said is this Michael kelso? A man asked yes! We have bad news! Your parents were in car accident what? I am sorry but they died they were killed instantly! They were tears in his eyes, thanks anyway! No problem! Bye! Bye! Kelso burst out crying and he runned out of his house crying he got to Eric's yard he sat near the basketball hoop and cried. Meanwhile everyone in basement were laughing and watching TV but then Eric heard something like somebody crying he turned off TV What is it Eric? Donna asked {they broke up 5 months ago and Eric had a girlfriend} Honey are you okay? Jessica asked yeah I'm fine hold on! Everyone was quiet and then they heard someone crying someone is crying1 Jessica said yeah I know Jessie, Eric came out on yard and saw Kelso near the basketball hoop crying he came up to him kelso? Kelso turned Eric? What's wrong Jessie asked it's nothing! It got to be something if you are crying! Cameron said {Donna's bf} at that time kelso girlfriend Mary came when she saw him crying she asked Babe! What's wrong? Let's go inside Eric said ok! Come on! Mary said when they were inside kelso was crying so Mary let him cry for a while, after he calmed down she asked so what is it? My parents..." yes? They died in car accident today! Everyone gasped oh my! I am so sorry Mary said hugging him then she kissed him do you feel better? A little Thanks Mary! No problem! 2 wks later Donna broke up with her boyfriend she dated him for 7 months. Everyone was in Eric's Basement watching TV when kelso's cell phone rang, exsume me! Eric turned TV down. Hello? Yes what? Eric turned TV off, is she dead? Thank you anyway! He hang up everyone saw tears in his eyes, Michael what's wrong? Donna asked he burst out crying everyone went quiet Donna came and sat next to him he was crying hysterically, come here! She said he did she hugged him while he cried she rocked him in her arms while he cried in her arms, nobody said anything they sat gently, sad music was also on, Kitty and Red came downstairs and saw Kelso in Donna's arms crying everybody else sitting quietly and sad music is on. What is going on? Kitty asked nobody answered after a while kelso stopped crying, what happened? Doona asked my girlfriend died! What? How? A car hit her! He burst out crying oh I am so sorry! Then she suddenly kissed him. Later Jessie came up to Kelso Michael I am sorry about your girlfriend! It's okay Jessie! They hugged you been a really good friend to me Jessie! She smiled no problem! All of we are thanks! That's what friends are for! Later kelso and Donna were going out but kelso never forgot his parents and girlfriend who died never! The end

Chapter 3 Laying on my bed with my eyes closed, I thought about all that had happened today. With some quick thinking I had managed to explain why my bra was lying on the couch but just when I thought I was out of the danger zone, mom walked into the room with her top on inside out! God! My heart practically stopped when I saw that. Luckily, Lane didn't notice it and taking mom back into the kitchen for a moment we managed to correct that problem. That was pretty close though... Speaking of mom and "pretty close", I was pretty close to having my face buried in my mother's pussy! Unbelievable! I can hardly believe all that has happened today... I wonder if mom is willing to continue what we started, I doubt it though... At the few opportunities we got to talk in private while Lane was here, she was very silent and standoffish. I think Lane's visit shocked her out of whatever mood she was in, so I don't think I'll be seeing her breasts or pussy up close anytime soon. How do I feel about that, though? Part of me is relieved that we didn't complicate or ruin the great mother/daughter relationship we have with actual sex. Sure, mom is hot but... she's MOM! It's not like I can suddenly date her, can I? Still, another part of me feels regret I didn't get a chance to taste her pussy... For some bizarre reason, I've been wondering the entire day how she'd taste... and every time I think about the way her hands felt on my body and my hands felt on her, I feel a shiver of excitement course through me. My silent pondering is suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. "Rory? Can... Can I come in?" Mom... I'm glad she has decided to come and talk to me, I was afraid she'd be avoiding me. "Sure, come in!" The door opened and mom stepped in the room, giving me a tentative smile she sat down beside me on the bed. "Hello, honey... How are you feeling?" She looked at me so cautiously and shy that I suddenly had difficulty not bursting into laughter. This was so unlike mom's normal behaviour! I smiled at her. "If you mean: am I suddenly scarred for life and in need of intensive psychological care, then you can stop worrying, mom. I am fine." She gave me an inquisitive and somewhat doubtful look. "Really, I am!" I assured her. Letting out a sigh of relief, she smiled. "Great! I was afraid that what happened today... would ruin the relationship that we have, I mean things got out of hand and--" "I know what you mean, mom. You don't have to worry, I am totally cool with what happened. In fact... I kinda enjoyed it... a lot!" I shot her an inquiring glance. "Didn't you?" Squirming uncomfortable, she avoided my gaze. After a few moments of silence, she said, "Even if we did... enjoy it. You understand that it cannot happen again, it's just... not healthy." I couldn't help feeling somewhat disappointed; I guess that even holding society's taboo on incest in mind didn't change the fact that I am very attracted to my mother. "I... understand, so we just act like nothing out of the ordinary has happened?" "Right!" mom replied in a relieved tone. "Nothing happened, just... two gals comparing breasts." I nodded. "Right, just two gals comparing breasts... and me having the biggest orgasm in my entire life." Grinning a little she responded, "Let's just stick to the first part, shall we?" I grinned back. "Okay, mom." Smiling at each other, we hugged. "I'm glad we're back to normal, how about I whip us up a first-class dinner?" I raised my eyebrows in mock surprise. "I thought you said we're back to normal?" "Okay, what I mean is: Pizza or Chinese?" she grinned. "Ah! Now we're back to normal! Let's see... I could go for some pizza, right about now." "Pizza it is." She stood up and walked to the door. "Oh, and by the way, mom..." "Yes?" Smiling sweetly, I said, "You've got a really nice rack." She narrowed her eyes at me and I gulped, but then a smile broke out on her face, "Well... thanks honey, so do you." Giving me a little wink, she turned and left the room. I stared after her as she left. 'Mmmm, and you've got a really nice ass too...' ***** The End

ARCEE DOES CYBERTRON - PART 1 Hulk Hogan opened the door to his dressing room. He had just finished a strenuous match with the dirty turncoat Sgt. Slaughter. Hulk was totally pumped up from the thunderous ovations from the crowd that only increased in intensity as the match went on. When the Hulkster finally dropped the Big Leg on that Iranian Dog’s fat neck, the roar from the crowd nearly blew him away. Hogan stripped off his awesome red and yellow wrestling trunks and his red and yellow arm and kneepads. After throwing them into his American flag- themed gym bag, Hulk stepped into the showers. Suddenly, a temporal vortex opened up, and Arcee stepped out. She was fifteen feet tall and really sexy. She took one look at the stunned Hulk Hogan, his three foot ween glowing with a healthy orange color, and her heat sensors caused her thermal sensitive rub-sign to flush blue in the pattern of an Autobot symbol. After she regained her senses from her momentary wiener hypnosis, she used her seductive metallic voice to beg a favor to the Hulkster: "Mr. Hogan, I am on an important mission from Cobra Commander. I have been sent to collect the DNA from the greatest warriors in history, in order to create the Ultimate Man. Could you please spare some DNA...for me?" "WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MEAN GENE?" Hulk Hogan calmly said as a spinning WWF Logo appearing behind him, "IT MAY SEEM A LITTLE STRANGE TO BE STICKING THE SAUSAGE TO A ROBOT, BUT ALL THE LITTLE HULKAMANIACS OUT THERE KNOW, OH THEY KNOW IT DUDE, THEY KNOW THAT WHEN A PRETTY SLORE WANTS TO FEEL THE THIRD LEGDROP OF DOOM IN HER STINK HOLE, WELL BRAH, THE HULKSTER DOESN’T NEED TO BE ASKED TWICE!" The Hulkster flexed, and then cupped one hand to his ear. "DO YOU HEAR THAT GENE-O? OH YEAH ROBOT DUDE, WHATCHA GOONA DO...WHEN HULKAMANIA EJACULATES ON YOU?" Arcee squealed in delight. She slowly dimmed the power lights in one of her optic ports, and then decreased the pneumatic pressure of her left shoulder rooter, giving the impression of a seductive wink. She allowed her fully articulated fingers to move to the clamps holding her breastplates on. With a loud clank, followed by the hiss of escaping air, followed by several seconds of warning claxons going off, Arcee’s bra clunked to the floor and left a large crater where it landed. Her humongoid tits flopped around on her chest, and they were soft and white and totally sexy to the max. Hulk Hogan ran up to her and started punching her in the chest. His mighty blows caused her bulbous boobens to swing all over the place and knock together like those things that those business dudes have on their desks with the steel balls. Arcee moaned like a fucking whore as The Hulkster put the Tongan Death Grip on her Energon Dispenser Nozzles, twisting a pulling them around between his fingers. "Oh yes. Hulk. You’re making my Access Port so wet! Put your Coolant Rod inside of me! "OKAY DUDE, NOW IT’S TIME TO FEEL THE 24 INCH PYTHON!" sexily whispered the Hulkster. After using a 17 inch power drill to remove her thong, her spread or mobility appendages and prepared to install Linux to her Palm Handspring. Her groovy pussy was dripping with highly flammable lubrication formula, and it really reeked of the Kwiklube she had used the night before. "WOAH BRAH, THERE’S NO WAY I’M PUTTING MY CUCK IN THAT THING!" Hogan sweetly said. Arcee’s voice modulation unit undulated, creating a sound not unlike a horrifying bastardization of a biological life form’s giggle. The Technological Whore continued on, "Well, you could always insert through my waste disposal chute!" The Hulkster didn’t need to be told twice for an opportunity like that! Giving it to a robotic bunghole was something he’s wanted to do since Andre the Giant and He were The Machines. Hulk Hogan inputted the 12-digit access code used to open Buttock Hinge, and he jammed his penoy into her ass. His cock was instantly dissolved as it thrusted into a mix of toxic waste and sharp metal shavings. "OH YEAH BROTHER, THIS IS TOTALLY COOL DUDE!" Hogan ejaculated over 50 gallons of sperm into her anus. She instantly popped out of the dimension, leaving Hogan to play his favorite video game, Twisted Metal Black for the Playstation 2.

Chapter 2 To my not so big surprise, mom followed me inside and continued the whole --who's got the biggest-- conversation. After about five more minutes, I couldn't take it any longer. "Fine!" I called out while storming to the cupboard and getting out the measuring tape. "You want to measure our breasts?" I threw her the tape, which she quickly caught, and stripped off mom's "favourite" sweater. Standing in front of my mother, I shot her a challenging look and pushed out my bra-clad chest. "Go ahead, measure them!" This caught her somewhat of balance, she looked at me rather sheepishly for a moment not sure on how to act next... she quickly recovered however. "Okay... but you need to take your bra off before I can measure them." Well, that was taking the joke a little to far in my book and I was ready to put the sweater back on and call the whole thing off. That's when I saw it: that little smirk on mom's face, with that triumphant look in her eyes she often got when she felt she had won another round in the never-ending mother/daughter battle of winning arguments. Well, this is one round you are NOT going to win, mom! Reaching back I unclasped my bra and led it slid down; revealing my decent-sized (if I do say so myself) breasts. Mom gazed at my chest with wide-open eyes; she certainly didn't expect this from me! Her reaction didn't surprise me... I am usually kind of shy about my body, a trait I certainly didn't inherited from my mother. She is totally comfortable with her body and often walks around the house in her underwear, sometimes even topless (which is how I am positive that hers are bigger then mine). I, on the other hand, always go around fully dressed outside the bed and bathroom. So it wasn't difficult to understand why me stripping off my clothes (even if it was only from the waist up) took her by surprise. She was studying my breasts now, for what seemed like several minutes. To my own surprise, I didn't feel shy or embarrassed. No, I actually felt kind of proud about not backing down and making such a bold move. I was also feeling something else... a little naughty and excited about flashing my own mother (who by the way couldn't keep her eyes off my breasts). Finally mom was able to look up and shot me a little smirk. "Very impressive, Rory." Moving closer, she whispered in my ear, "Now let's measure them, shall we?" After saying these words, she grabbed my right breast and wound the measuring tape around it. I gasped as the palm of her hand brushed my nipple, which then slowly became erect. Using one hand to keep the measuring tape in place, mom used her other hand to write my size down on a notepad. Turning her attention back on my breasts, she released the measuring tape and placed it across the front of my breast. Pushing down slightly, she took the next set of measurements and wrote them down as well. My breathing had turned a bit laboured by now and when she wrapped the tape around both my breasts, I felt my other nipple also becoming erect. Swallowing nervously, I shot a covert look at mom to see if she had noticed. She had of course; grinning brightly, she winked at me. I felt myself blush and quickly looked down, taking a deep gulp of air when I abruptly felt her tickle my sensitive nipples. After taking about every measurement she could from my breasts, including the size of my nipples (they are half an inch long when fully erect) mom was finally finished. She felt me up one last time (for good measure I guess) and handed me the tape. "I guess it's my turn now," she smiled and calmly took off her top. She wasn't wearing a bra, so her firm, round breasts immediately jutted into view... Wow! They are... magnificent! I mean, I know I've seen them before but never like this... Besides, I didn't exactly get an opportunity to really look at them prior to this... Sure, I shot a glance now and then at my mom's boobs whenever she went topless, but it's not like I walked up to her and pushed my face in-between them, or studied them up close. But now they were right in front of my eyes and I could look at them all I wanted... and look at them I did! The first thing I noticed was how firm they were. Mom is already in her early thirties but her breasts didn't even have the slightest hint of sag. Boy! I hope my breasts look like that when I'm her age... Hell, I hope my breasts look that good when I'm my age! "Ahem!" Mom politely coughed. Ouch! I probably shouldn't be drooling over my mother's breasts (figuratively speaking of course!). Okay, focus Rory! Focus at the task at hand! Which is measuring your mom's tits... Oh boy! This is going to be more complicated then I thought... After taking a deep breath to steady my emotions, I wrapped the measuring tape around my mom's right boob and started repeating the actions she used on my breasts. I notice her nipples are already erect and lick my suddenly dry lips... Why do I all of a sudden have a craving for milk? Maybe it's a deep-rooted psychological need for mother's milk left over from infancy, which the close proximity of my mother's breasts triggered... Yeah, that must be it! Either that or I have the hots for my own mother and want to suck on her tits. Well, that could certainly complicate my life somewhat... As I continued measuring mom's boobs, I noticed from her heavy breathing that my hands on her breasts affected her just as much as her hands on mine had done. My hands started shaking and I inadvertently touched one of her erect nipples. She let out a sharp gasp, quickly thereafter my hand grazed her other nipple (not so inadvertently this time). After playing a few more of these "innocent" little pranks on her (Hey! Turnabout is fair play) I took the other measurements. Rather too soon for my taste, I finished taking my mom's measurements and just like I had said before: hers are definitely bigger... Wordlessly, I handed her the notepad and she read our measurements out loud. "Well, it would seem that you're right and mine a slightly bigger then yours..." she remarked. I snorted at this. Hers were more then "slightly" bigger. Hesitating for a few moments she continued, "Perhaps we should weigh them, just to be sure." We stared silently at each other, both knowing that things were starting to get out of hand... and they were likely to get even more out of hand if we take each other's tits into our hands. A big part of me however wanted things to get out of hand... wanted to feel my mother's breasts, to kiss them and caress them and take our relationship to a level I had only thought about in my deepest and darkest fantasies. Needing to get closer, I moved towards her... then all of a sudden our breasts are touching! We both moan softly as our nipples connect. We are both a bit startled at the sudden contact and shudder a little, making our nipples scrape across each other's breasts. At once, we start moving some more, allowing our tits to mash together. Next think I know: we are panting loudly and rubbing our tits against each other. Horny as hell and not being able to resist the temptation any longer, I grabbed her tits and felt their weight in my hands. I let my fingers fondle every inch of my mother's full globes enjoying the feel of the soft flesh in my hands. It wasn't long before I felt mom following my example and I felt myself becoming engulfed by these wonderful sensations... Her hands handling my smaller pair, gently squeezing and caressing them while my hands did the same to her. Taking my nipples between two fingers, she rolled the swollen knobs between her fingers and pinched them; a jolt of sweet pain and pleasure shot through my body and I quickly did the same to her. She moans softly. Giving my nipples a few more tender pulls, she unexpectedly bends over and takes my left nipple in her mouth and gently started sucking on it... I groan loudly and press her head closer to my chest. Not needing anymore encouragement she started sucking harder, occasionally letting her tongue dance and caress across my painfully erect nipple. "Oh god, mom! That feels sooo good!" I moan out. While increasing her oral caressing of my left nipple, she uses a hand to fondle and twist my right nipple. "Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh!" Oh Wow! I felt more aroused and excited from mom sucking on my tits, then I have ever felt from the few masturbation sessions I had tried so far. "Ohhhhhhh!!!" I could feel the moisture between my legs increase... Oh God!! I never felt like this before! I think... I think... I'm going to... CUM!! "Yes, yes, YES!! Oh mom... oh mommy!! YES!! YES!! YESSSSS!!!!!" I grunted out as I reached my orgasm and came with tremendous force. As I finally start to come down from this all-time high, mom takes my --now hypersensitive-- nipple between her teeth and gently bites down on it. With stars dancing in front of my eyes, I came again and again. Shaking on my feet, I leaned onto mom to keep myself from falling. "Oh mom, that... that was amazing!" "I'm glad you liked it, honey." Smiling, she kissed me tenderly on my lips. I opened my mouth and made my tongue meet mom's; we let our tongues wrestle with each other's... Dipping it in and out each other's mouths, gently caressing and probing we kissed like that for almost 15 minutes. Meanwhile, our hands were busy exploring each other's bodies. I groped my mom's tight buns with both hands, while mom used one hand to play with my breasts and her other hand to rub across the crotch of my jeans. God! Mom sure knows how to use her hands! If she keeps this up, I'm going to cum again... It suddenly occurred to me that while I had already cummed (with multiple orgasms!), mom hasn't had any release yet. If she is even only half as aroused as I am, then she must be dying to cum! Making my mind up quickly, I decided to repay mom for the wonderful orgasm she had given me. "Your turn, mom," I whispered and let myself slide down her body to my knees. With trembling fingers, I unfastened her jeans and tried to pull them down ("Tried" being the keyword, because they didn't go down easily). Mom was pushing at her jeans and I was pulling, we were both red-faced and panting heavily when they finally slid down her legs. Looking at mom's damp panties, I smacked my lips hungrily and hooked my fingers in the waistband and started to pull them down... Just when her dark pubic-hair came into view, I heard a knock on the door and we both froze. "Rory?! Are you home?" Oh God!! It's my friend Lane! What a lousy timing. Normally I am happy to see her, but this wasn't one of those times! "I'm coming in, okay?" I heard her call. Mom and I looked at each other, and managed to convey a similar message to each other using only a look: Put clothes back on, QUICKLY!! I dove for my sweater (okay, mom's sweater but I'd been wearing it) while mom pulled up her pants, which luckily went up quicker then they went down. I pulled on my sweater in record time and just before Lane entered the room, mom had grabbed her top and escaped into the kitchen. "Hey, Lane!" I managed to speak out casually. "Hey, Rory!" she smiled at me. "I thought you would be up in your room, didn't you hear me call?" "Erhm... No, I must have dozed off a bit." "Are you okay?" she gave me a worried look. "You look kinda flushed." "Yeah, I am... uh... fine." "Good!" she smiled and sat down on the couch next to me. "I was afraid you were getting ill. Hey, you never guess what happened to me at school today! I--" She stopped speaking for a moment. Lifting herself up slightly, she felt with her hand beneath her and then raised her hand back up, holding a piece of clothing. After examining it for a moment, she asked, "Is this your bra?"

Lasagna! Pookie by Losh "Garfield, dinner!" Garfield snuggled deeper in his box and mumbled, "Gravity is in effect here. Bring it to me." "It's lasagna" *Zooooooommmmmm* Jon looked down at the table where just a second ago a pan of lasagna had sat. "Well at least I served myself first..." He broke off at the site of his empty plate, then yelled. "Garfield! That was my dinner too!" Garfield smirked and called out, "Pizza delivery number is by the phone. I'll take a large meat-lovers Jon." He set the pan of lasagna down, then reached over and flipped his blanket out his box, uncovering his best friend. "Pookie, look what I have for dinner. Your pizza's gonna be here soon, I had Jon order you a large meat-lovers. What? You can't eat the entire thing by yourself and you insist on sharing it with me? You're such a good friend." He grinned at Pookie and reached into the pan of lasagna and scooped up a pawful. "You don't mind if I start without you? Thanks!" He reached over and hugged Pookie in thanks, accidentally getting him covered in lasagna. "Pookie! I told you, your pizza would be here soon. You didn't have to start eating my dinner." Garfield licked his paw clean while he eyed the cheese, meat and pasta covered bear. "You know, that's a good look for you. It brings out the black in your button eyes and the tomato sauce compliments the thread in your mouth. Pookie..." He paused for a minute and reached out with the paw that still had lasagna on it and brushed it against Pookie's nose. "Gasp. Oh no. Pookie, I got lasagna on your nose. I'm a bad bad cat." Garfield cocked his head to one side, "What? You want me to clean it off? Well if you insist. Besides, lasagna should never be wasted." He took a step forward until he was nose to nose with Pookie. He flicked his tongue lightly several times over Pookie's nose, until it was free of lasagna bits. When he finished, he sat back on his haunches, "Mmmmm you taste good, Pookie. What? You want me to clean the rest of you off too?" He grinned a Cheshire grin. "I'd love too." He stretched out a paw, pulled Pookie to him and purred, "Have I ever told you how much I love lasagna?" He continued to purr as he began to lick Pookie's neck and then down his chest, his rough tongue causing the bear's fur to stand up in tufts. When he reached Pookie's waist he stopped and stared at the area he just finished cleaning. He reached out and stroked a paw down Pookie's chest, his claws half out, leaving thin, slight trails in the bears fur. "You should bathe in tomato sauce from now on. It's made your fur soooo soft." Again he brushed his paw down Pookie's chest. He watched as the fur sprang back up after his paw passed. A gleam entered his eyes as he stared at Pookie. His nose twitched and his tail rose straight up in the air. He looked up and gazed into the bear's cute button eyes, "Isn't it amazing the places tomato sauce can get into?" he asked mischievously. Not waiting for a response, Garfield stood again and licked Pookie on his nose then slowly licked a line down the clean furry chest of the bear, this time not stopping at its waist. Purring loudly, he licked between the bear's short, furry legs. The tip of his tail was twitching like crazy as he pressed his nose against Pookie's belly. He continued to lick long strokes between the bears legs. Garfield's breathing quickened and the tip of his tail flicked this way and that way. Suddenly he pulled back from Pookie and looked into his dark button eyes. He paused, then nodded once, firmly. He pounced on top of the bear and started humping it as he licked and nipped at its neck. Finally with a last twitch of his tail and thrust of his hind end, Garfield stilled then collapsed on top of Pookie. Still purring, Garfield rolled off Pookie and onto his side. He reached out with a paw and swatted a bit of fur from one of Pookie's button eyes, then laid his head on Pookie's shoulder. "That had to be the best lasagna I've ever had," he said contentedly. ~Fin~

Gilmore girls - Who's got the Biggest By Oric13 Chapter 1 "Is that my sweater?" I looked at my mom with surprise. "What?" "You're wearing my sweater." "So?" I answered back somewhat exasperated. Why does mom suddenly have an issue with me loaning some of her clothing... it never has been a problem in the past. "No, it's OK," Lorelai hurriedly explained. "It's just I thought I asked you to at least ask, you know, before you borrow my stuff." "I'm sorry," I sighed. "It's OK. It's just not too much to ask for a simple "Can I borrow it, Mom?" is it?" she pressed on. "No, it's not. Jeez, lighten up," I shot back a bit irritable, meanwhile busy contemplating what suddenly got into my --usually easy going and laidback-- mom... Of course! She is annoyed I didn't have a terrible time at the golf club... and this her little way of dealing with it. "It's my favourite sweater too." She just isn't going to let this drop, is she? Sighing again, I answered, "Since when?" "Since always." "This is not your favourite sweater." God! That woman could be so infuriating some times! "Yes it is and now it's going to be all stretched out just like everything else you borrow." Mom continued tirelessly. I looked at her with amazement. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about that you take my sweaters and you wear them and you stretch them out." What? She is really grasping at straws now! "I couldn't possibly stretch them out! Your boobs are way bigger than mine." "That is not true." "Yes it is." "Your boobs are totally bigger than mine!" she retorted. I can't believe I'm having a conversation with my mother about who got the biggest boobs! ... Besides, it's so obvious hers are bigger. "You're crazy!" I called out. "Do you want to measure?" "What?!" "I'm serious. Why don't you get the measuring tape right now?" "I am not going to measure my boobs." Jeez! Mom is taking obstinacy to a whole new level! She shot me a pointed look. "Because you know that you are totally bigger." This is getting way too weird for me. "I'm going inside." "Fine, don't measure. We'll just compare bras." "Stop it!" God! Couldn't she at least consider expressing her feelings in a normal way? What's wrong with saying: Rory, it bothers me that you had fun at the golf club and actually want to hang out with your grandparents, whom I dislike... But no! SHE wants to compare tits! "I'll stop when you quit stealing my stuff." "You're cracked!" She's cracked! Now what's the phone number for the mental institution? "You're... bigger," Mom shot back. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my books and dashed inside.

"The Fist KILLS everyone!" by Issei mataloun!!!!!!!!!! YES!!! I always wanted to write this! Hahahahahahahahhaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the first time Ive ever ritten a funny fanfic................. I hope you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ken went into the room and saw yuu and miki having sex on the couhc they loked at him scared and sayed "What are you doing here?!?!?!?!?!?!" ken looked at them evily and flexed his muscles and sayed "I am the the FIST OF THE NORTHSRAT! I will KILL all of you now! hahahahahahahaha!!" He then punches yuu in the face and his entire body explodeded then he kicked miki and she exploded too. Ken laughed "hahahahahahahahahaha! I will kill all of the crappy anime chaters! Hahahahahahaha!!!" Wehenever he sayed that, Hero, duo quarter, torwa, and wufee jumped into the room and they all sayed at the same time "WE'LL KICK YOU ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then they jumped into their wussy Gundamns and shot stuff at ken! Ken just laughed and sayed "You guys suck! Feel my super move!!!" He then jumped REALLY high into the air and kicked all of the Gundamns, then all of the kids fell out and lanfed on the floor. They screemed at they exploded and the blood wnet everywhere. Ken danced around inthe blood but then that dumb guy from Wing of Hommanise came out in his space suit and sayed "You killed my friends! You a meeeeeeeeeeeeean man!!!" Ken sayed "Yeah and your next!!!!!" He then thumped that dummass in the head and it explodeded. lupin jumped out and sayed something stupid and acted like a jackasss but ken ripped off his arms and wached him bleed. When raindow bright came in she yelled "YOU NEED TO BE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But Ken just riped his shirt off and kicked her head off. "Hahahahahahahaha no one here can beat me up!!!!! I am the strongest person in the WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!" When he sayed that a shadow came out. It was BIIIIIIIG! He then saw that it was GIGANTOR!!!!!!! Ken then sayed "OH MY GOD!!!!!!! He's pretty big!" Gigantor hit Ken in the stomach but he didn;'t feel it cuz Ken was really strong. "hahahaha! But hes weak!!!!" Ken glowed blue and hitgigator really fast a lot of times........................then it exploded and died!!!! The three people came out and looked at ken. Ken bowed cuz he saw theat they was Issei Mataloun (his MASTER!! He was the GOD of martial arts!!!!!), Master Ryeken (his father and teacher), and the Over Fiend. "YOU HAVE DONE WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they sayed and Ken was happy. He had killed all of the crappy anime chartacters. But..................................there was still more that had to DIE!!!!!!!! The End............................................. FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After The Date by Amanda Marie Taylor AUTHER'S NOTE: This story is about me and Dr. Viper on a date on planet earth. And one last thing I'm not so great with grammer. Dr. Viper and I went to see the movie Romeo and Julliet.While we were wacthing the movie, Dr. Viper my hand smiled at me lovingly. At the kissing sene,me and Dr. Viper kissed all through that part and we axadently fell down. After the movie, we went out to dinner at Fresh Choice. I had ceaser salad,dried vegetables,a potato, and nonfat ice cream while Dr. Viper had clam chowder, ceaser salad, and pesto pizza. We ate our food and we talked a while. "So Viper darling,why are you trying to turn Mega Kat city into a swamp?" I asked nicely. "The rasssson why iss, becausssse I find it ugly with all that metal and plasssstic buildingsss. That'ss why my sssweetnessss." he whisphered in my ear. We paid the bill and went to the park. "Amanda, I need to tell you sssomething." he said to me seriously. "Yes, what is it?" I asked. "Amanda, I love you. I love you more then trying to take over Mega Kat city and I would be mosssst honnered if you heard me now. Amanda, will you marry me?" he said and asked. "Yes!" I said happliy. And we did. Dr. Viper forgot about about Mega Kat city and thought more about us. 9 months later........ "Viper, guess what. We're going to have baby!" I said. "When?" he asked happily jumping out of his chair. "Now!" I said. Dr. Viper rushed as fast he could to the hospital and carried me in. 1 hour later......... "Dr. Viper, I have a surprise for you. Follow me."the nurse said. When Viper got there........ "We have twins." I said smiling at him. Dr. Viper jumped up and down saying,"I'm a father! Horray!!!!" Dr. Viper walked up to me and said,"Your going to be a great mother." "And your going to be a great father." I said to him. THE END

<b>these walls are paper thin</b> Everyone knows about him now. They watch him like ants through a glass, pasting him against cold plastic that slides under his feet, reading him aloud and shoving him through sweaty hands. He's always open and it's always bright. It's impossible to hide anything for long. So many things came before that no one knows about. People know that his boss has no clue about business strategy and has the intelligence of a gnat. They never saw him on his knees, with eyes red and tired, in front of corporate officials that spit at his feet. Everyone knows Asok is naive and Dogbert decides everything and Alice has lost her mind. No one ever saw them before. They laugh at Wally, more than anyone. To Dilbert, it isn't funny at all. His day goes the same most times. He gets his coffee in the morning and sits in his cubicle for twenty minutes, pretending to work on his project, just as he's been doing for the last month, because Wally has a theory that the whole thing will be scraped anyway and even if it wasn't the product is faulty and would be recalled in under a week. He's saving the company money by not wasting his time on it, in theory. After he finishes his cup he goes to get another one and stops to listen to Alice rant about the newest deadlines. He tells her about his and Wally's theory but she just looks at him like he's insane and backs away. When he passes the boss' office Carol is unscrewing the doorknob and reversing the handles. This will be the third Friday in a row that she's successfully locked the boss in his office after lunch so she can take the afternoon off. Wally's already at the coffee maker when Dilbert gets there, his coffee cup resting on his stomach, like always. Dilbert always gets a second cup but he rarely drinks it. He's found that it is much better for his lack of productivity if he's half comatose and likely to mess up if he tries to work anyway. "Hi Wally," he says, while stirring in the decaying white creaming powder, and receives no answer because this week Wally doesn't believe in hellos and goodbyes. "This is possibly the most vile substance on the planet," Dilbert decides, taking a small sip anyway, for appearances sake. "Then why do you drink it?" It's said the same way Wally always talks. Slowly and precisely, like the words are walking over glass. Dilbert doesn't know what to say because the truth is that he doesn't drink it and that's too hard to explain. He shrugs. Wally almost smirks at him, in that way that can never be drawn right so seems the only private part of their life that's left, and walks away. Dilbert's hand shakes on the cup as he lets it just close enough to his lips for the cup to clatter against his teeth, the steam dampening his face, thick and revolting. He goes back to his office (read: cubicle) and works for a solid hour because he has to care, even if most of the time it won't matter. They have a meeting that afternoon and the pointy haired boss (does he even have a name anymore? Dilbert's pretty sure it's written somewhere but he can't be bothered to look) starts talking, which is always a reason not to pay attention, but he tries anyway, until he hears the word ‘irreprehensible' for the third time and fears his brain will start leaking out onto the conference table. Wally is sitting across from him and Dilbert can tell that he's actually not listening. He doesn't even pretend anymore. Still, when it's his turn to speak he always seems to know what to say. "There is a marginal increase in the projected budget of my project due to consumer demand." And that sounds true, even to Dilbert, and he's pretty sure that Wally's not even working on a project right now. At least not one that doesn't involve measuring the rate at which the cockroach population has increased based upon an up in employee working hours. Dilbert's foot brushes against Wally's under the table and he pulls it back quickly, slamming his knee into the table. When he looks up the pointy haired boss is still looking thoughtful. "Well we aren't allowed to spend any more money of the budget this quarter unless it's on paper cups," he says, not seeming to have noticed the mishap, as he points at a pie graph with his ruler, where about 20% is taken up by a green triangle that reads ‘Paper Cups'. "Can't you just get rid of some consumers?" Wally's expression doesn't change and one of his feet hits Dilbert's under the table again. "We could formulate extra products out of cut-up paper cups, until we get more money." His voice is steady. The pointy haired boss looks even more thoughtful. Dilbert thinks that he probably spends all those minutes of thoughtful time coming up with elaborate excuses to sneak to the bathroom and jerk off. Dilbert has caught him at this at least a dozen times before but prefers not to remember. It's one of the few things they have left that he wishes wasn't there. "That's an excellent idea," he says finally as if the decision was of utmost importance. The pointy-haired boss prattles on for a bit about cubicle size (he seems to have this confused with "downsizing") and then the meeting is over. So is the day. Dilbert runs into Wally outside his cubicle. So is his life, he's tempted to think and opens his mouth anyway. "Wally? Can I talk to you?" he asks. He has to reach out to touch the clear glass beside them, fingers pressed flat, to keep his balance. It feels papery and thinner than glass should be. Wally blinks at him. "Isn't that what you're doing?" There's silence but it never feels quiet anymore, like flapping sheets catching in the wind. Dilbert tries to remember exactly how to be serious, without irony. "Um," he says, which seems a better start than most around here. "Do you want to go get a drink sometime? Like a date-type drink. A drink date." He chokes a bit on the words but it keeps him from rambling more so he coughs and tries to look calm. Wally is staring at him, eyes dark and blurry behind the glass lenses. It's a familiar feeling. "Sure," Wally finally says, slowly, and then turns away. Dilbert can see the coffee rested on his stomach, like it's about to tilt off and he thinks of his own cup, cold and molted to the porcelain, back at his desk. Dilbert blinks once and then his hand is ripping through the glass, streaking blood from his knuckles as the clear wall peels away like paper. When he falls, it's already dark before he hits the ground. We're all disciples till the day we die So why you try to play the role of the teacher I can see through you, you are paper thin

---MATRIX REARLOADED CHAPTER 2--- by Haimoimoi "Well," muttered Morpheus, "I suppose you'd like to know what role you'll be playing in the destiny of mankind." "Yes Neo," Trinity interjects, "mankind has entered it's darkest hour. We are a hunted people. The machines kill us faster than we can reproduce. Our numbers dwindle while theirs multiply. They have colonized other planets neo. They will soon become the dominant life form in the Universe. The pitiful human race from the uninteresting planet Earth has unleashed a horror upon all things that exist. We are Cain. We are the destroyers. If God did intend a place in heaven for his children, I'm sure he has reconsidered. The Pandora’s Box is open Neo, and you are the only life form in the countless billions that exist that can prevent an end to all things." "Wow, that's rough," responded Neo. "Hey Morpheus, show us your penis." "You got it!" exclaimed a visibly aroused Morpheus. The bulge in the front of his baggy purple pants was stretching the silky clown-fabric to the seams. It looked painful. With a careful zip, his crazed pants weasel exploded from his pants like a flesh javelin thrown by The Incredible Hulk. It hit the floor with a sound like a bag of meat falling from a 30-story building. Whump! Morpheus turned to Neo, his penis sliding across the floor with a sound like a BUTT cheek sliding across a linoleum floor. "Whoa." "Well, that's certainly the biggest, blackest boner I've ever seen." said Trinity. "How is that even possible?" asked Neo. "Junk email. I just bought 30 different pills. Added 30-90 inches to that special part. xjhdjajidj" Morpheus cryptically replied. "Ah." "So, I suppose I should put this in your bitch, " threatened Morpheus. "Yes, please do," said Trinity. Neo walked over to the closet, "I'll get the jaws of life. You two should probably wrap that jimmy with a boat tarp or something." "I prefer bareback bro, besides, she can't possibly survive this." "That's for sure," said trinity as she drew a finger across her throat in the universal sign for gettin' jiggy. "Ok, open that whore up, Dr. Mantruck is in high gear," Morpheus said gesturing to his penis. Without warning Morpheus delivered a side kick to Trinity's gut, doubling the small woman over and bringing her to her knees. He rounded to her back, clasping his hands together and delivering a powerful overhand smash to the small of her back. Morpheus grabbed her by her small, girlish tits and blasted his skin plow into her tuna orchard. Trinity's vagina was instantly torn asunder as the meat rocket drove straight through her cervix and into her uterus. The human body reacts poorly to the shock of massive impalement and Trinity was no exception. She began to hemorrhage terribly from the distention and tearing of tissues throughout her pelvic region. The vascular disintegration continued as her womb was crushed and torn by the force of Morpheus' raging member. As momentum carried him forward, Trin's pelvis came apart like a mobile home in a tornado. The splintering bone was driven outwards, causing further trauma to the musculature around her hips. Muscle and sinew was torn asunder when the weight of Morph's love turret crashed though the approximate region of Trin's obturator foramen. The pubofemoral and iliofemoral ligaments snapped under the pressure and both of Trinity's legs were essentially dislocated. When wang met coccyx, thing really started to heat up! Morpheus' Black Stallion was no ordinary throw-sausage, and it shattered her coccyx like a hand grenade made of bone. At this point they were about .03 seconds into lovemaking and already Trinity was beyond the help of medical science (even future medical science). Her lower GI was liquefied into a gory bolus and crushed against her diaphragm. The air was forced from her lungs and her heart stopped. Vertebrae by sexy vertebrae, Morpheus' hulking beef whistle inched its way into her rib cage. The first real resistance to this hot man injection came when his half helmet met her xyphoid process. It could not be stopped though, and a crack formed longitudinally along her sternum allowing complete access to the wet vice of her upper ribs. "I'm Cumming!!!!!!" shouted Morpheus. "Where do you want it?" "In my eye!" screamed Trinity. "In my hair!" yelled Neo. "On my sandwich!" cried Cypher. The spunk eruption from Mt. St. Morpheus was too much for the remainder of Trinity's body. She simply fell apart like a baseball made of ground beef. Neo walked up beside Morpheus to gawk at the grisly pile that used to be Trinity. Both men were splattered with blood and had looks of shock and absolute horror painted on their faces. Morpheus is the first to speak, "well, that's the deadest Trinity I've ever seen." to be continued in act 3!

Thankfully I have Battlenuts on ignore, so I can say what I want to him and about him without his tired put downs. Battlenuts: The only person you're convincing is yourself.

So, is it safe to say Battlenuts is the worst PBP ever?

Pray for Omarion.

There's a french fry in my beard.

Battlenuts makes me long for the likes of MikeSC and wildpegasus.

Best post in the thread.