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Posts posted by Ace309

  1. Interesting. It went down differently than I expected it to - I was sort of expecting, at the beginning, an existential angst moment at the end where the cheap-ass condom broke.


    The cashier's character could use a little bit of tweaking - I think he could work up to dropping the bomb by being moderately annoying first, if that makes any sense, sort of testing his limits to see if he can get rid of Rex earlier.

  2. Sorry, sorry, what'd I miss?


    The easiest thing to start off with is something dark and hoppy, since you're likely to make a mistake (pitching the yeast too warm, or using a crappy yeast strain, something like that) and in a light beer such things have nowhere to hide. If you drink porter, IPA, or nut brown ale, any of those are a great first brew. Definitely pick up Papazian's book, and you can actually go ahead and skip the canned brews if you read the first few chapters and go straight to extract brewing. Your beer will be better and it's no harder to screw up.


    http://www.northernbrewer.com/ is a good mailorder shop if you don't have a local homebrew supply shop.


    By the way, extract brewing is sort of the equivalent of using a cake mix, whereas all-grain brewing is more like cooking from scratch. Extract is a little easier to do and involves less time from start to finish. I enjoy brewing from grain, but the quality of the beers isn't really that different.

  3. Tom Flesher sits at the desk at his office in downtown Buffalo. With a smirk, he looks to the camera, a smoldering Camel hanging from his mouth. He smoths out the chest of his blue collared shirt, then addresses the camera.


    "Landon Maddix... you think you took everything away from me when you won the commissioner's slot, don't you? You really think that all I wanted was that feeling of power you get from running around like a chicken with your head cut off, trying to manage a top wrestling promotion and handle a bunch of guys who, because they're the top athletes in the business, have given up everything they had mentally? People who don't see their families and take out all their anger on the poor bastard behind the desk? Come on. I'm a bright guy, Landon. Give me more credit than that."


    Tom takes a drag from his cigarette and pauses a moment to collect his thoughts.


    "I've got news for you, kid. This promotion is nothing. This promotion has been nothing for a long time now. Do you really think I was the one running it into the ground? As brilliant a businessman as I am, there wasn't anything I could do with the payroll I had, with the wrestling boom dying and our best athletes jumping ship because they couldn't keep up with the touring schedule and guys like Michael god damn Alexander stretching the piss out of them. When you're running a promotion that's basing itself on Toxxic's eighth World Title reign like it's something new and exciting, on Wild and Dangerous like they're doing something they haven't been doing for five years, and the kids who wanted to wrestle and would have been great talent are jumping into the drafts for Major League Baseball and the NBA instead of sticking with the sport brought them to the dance, you've got a dying business. What are you going to do to revive it? Ghost Machine 4.0?


    Did I funnel some money off? You're damn right I did. I gave the best god damn years of my life to this promotion, and I'm not about to watch it die and not take those years back any way I can.


    But, you know what? There's money in that World Championship. And that's all it's good for. It hasn't meant a thing since ALAN CLARK, for god's sake, walked out of the arena holding the belt. But you need me to squeeze the last few bucks out of the wrestling business so you can pay the guys who actually think they'll make it big some day, who aren't smart enough to get out of the business while they can. Me? I'm secure. But if you want to put me in the main event, if you want me to be the one to kill the business, I'll be happy to do it.


    You're looking at the next World Champion, Landon, and I'm going to give that belt every bit of the respect it deserves... and not an ounce more."

  4. Smarks Board Name: Ace309

    Wrestlers Name: "The Superior One" Tom Flesher

    Height: 5'10"

    Weight: 229.9 pounds for cruiserweight matches, 231 when he doesn't have to make weight

    Hometown: Buffalo, New York

    Age: 24

    Face/Heel: Rudo, dick, bastard heel, whatever you want to call the guy who’ll step on your neck, count along with the ref and then still deny it.

    Ring Escort: With James Matheson on indefinite hiatus, just Allison Onita for now.

    Weapon(s): Allison Onita's purse is a wonderland of interesting things, many of which are small enough to be hidden in Flesher's singlet, wrist tape or kickpads. (You didn't really think they were for the opponent's protection, did you?)


    Looks: Flesher is fairly stocky, a fireplug with broad shoulders, a barrel chest and an 18-inch neck. He wears his short brown hair combed forward and spiked in the front, nearly shaved on the sides with a reddish beard kept closely trimmed. Typical Irish/German - light brown hair, light blue eyes, average-to-fair skin. When wrestling, he wears black ASICS wrestling shoes with attached black-on-blue kickpads and a royal blue singlet with black trim at the edges and metallic silver side panels. Like all good heels, he'll also use black wrist tape. He wears a blue warmup suit with black shoulder rings to the ring. Out of the ring, think GQ – stylish, erring toward conservative, but certainly not buttoned-up. Black wingtips are standard outside the ring.


    On special occasions, Flesher will substitute gold side panels for the silver, and a gold warmup suit.


    Ring Entrance: Allison Onita will make an introduction, the blue pyro goes off coincident with the opening to Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir," and Flesher struts to the ring. He'll acknowledge the crowd from the ring with a kind of quiet confidence before stripping his warmup off and stretching out.



    Strength: 4 - He's a lightweight, but he can still hoist most guys around, being a suplex machine and all. He's given up some of his functional strength in an effort to improve his ability to take punishment - he doesn't need to lift anyone overhead and spike him on his neck anymore, but when he limits the ways he's willing to win, he'll need to be able to take more of a beating.

    Speed: 2 - His speed is more a result of his conditioning training than anything else, but he's fast enough to tie someone up in a pretzel hold out of nowhere. He won't be doing slingshot suicida stuff any time soon, though.

    Vitality: 9 - Very good stamina, and hard to pin. Nearly never submits, and bleeds like a stuck pig given the opportunity. Flesher is able to wrestle on instinct and without higher brain function (particularly after being dumped on his head). Is he tough to beat? Absolutely. He carried the fed on his back for a year. He earned the right to be.

    Charisma: 5 - The man uses the thumb to the eye as a signature move, for god's sake. Everybody hates him.


    Style: He's fat. He's probably up to 240 from his billed weight of 231. He's lazy. He'd rather drop you on your head than actually wrestle you, but he knows he needs to stretch you out to get you to that point.


    Signature moves:

    - Yakuza kick

    - Derailleur (Canadian backbreaker with kneedrop)

    - Double chicken wing (standing and elevated for the submission, or grounded and worked into an amateur-style pin)

    - Any suplex you've ever seen someone do, but especially the Straitjacket, the Fisherman's and the head-and-arm

    - Figure-four leglock

    - Shotei/Palm blow (doesn't punch - only uses palms or backhands, whether striking or just slapping the taste out of an opponent's mouth for no apparent reason)

    - Variants on submissions he already does, or wacky submissions made up on the spot, that may be either painful or merely irritating

    - Dropkick to the crotch

    - Thumb to the eye


    Common moves:

    - Railgun Suplex (Overhead belly-to-belly - usually catches someone running the ropes, but can initiate it from a standing position against someone about 240 or under)

    - German suplex (bridging or released)

    - Greco-Roman backdrop (belly-to-back suplex)

    - Shoulderbreaker

    - Front headlock (aka front facelock.)

    -- From the front headlock, Flesher can do several things. He can use it as a choke, sprawl backward and throw knees at the opponent's head, apply a hammerlock and wait it out, or use the amateur-style cement series. For the sake of these explanations, assume the head is under Flesher's right arm.

    -- Cement Drop (Wrench the chin to the right side, hook the arm and drive forward, pushing the opponent onto his BUTT. Step with one foot on each side of his hips and continue driving forward into a Thesz press pin, keeping the chin wrench. The simplest way to finish, but also the hardest to hit against anyone who knows what he's doing.)

    -- Cement Mixer (Floatover front facelock suplex, ending with the same chin wrench-Thesz press pin as above.)

    -- Cement Job (From the front headlock, wrench the chin and underhook the opponent's arm with the left arm. Punch the left hand through and over the shoulder, driving the opponent to his back for the pin and keeping the chin wrench.

    -- Flying Cement Job (Underhook the arm as for the Cement Job. Kick the left leg under the opponent's chest and pull him over it, using the same basic motion as a side headlock takeover. The hold finishes the same way as a Cement Job, but has the added benefit of knocking the wind out of the opponent.)

    -- Wet Cement (Bodyscissors front headlock – usually applied to a sitting opponent, throw on the headlock and then wrap the legs around the opponent’s middle from the front a la Jamie Noble. So named by Dace Night because getting caught in it is like getting stuck in wet cement – you just can’t get out.)

    - Stalling front suplex (Lifts the opponent up and then throws them face-down onto the mat; can also be done across the top rope)

    - Camel Clutch or Gedo clutch

    - Abdominal stretch, occasionally with the elbow stuck in the opponent’s ribs.

    - Body scissors, alone or with a full nelson, sleeper or just about any other move that fits the story of the match.

    - Doc Marten boot-related offense (Yakuza kick, double stomp, corner boot scrape to the face, kick to the knee, dropkick to the knee, enzuigiri)

    - Amateur-style techniques

    -- … including the blast double leg, which functions as a spear

    -- … or the By The Numbers pin, which involves applying a hammerlock to the left arm of a face-down opponent, coming out to the front, threading your arm under the elbow of his right arm and forcing him onto his back with both arms controlled.


    Rare moves:

    - Burning Hammer (Torture rack into head drop. This is the move that broke Mak Francis' neck, so it's a bit like a police officer's gun: he isn't going to use it unless it's absolutely necessary, and he's going to feel incredibly conflicted about it afterward.)

    - The Boilermaker (Avalanche-style [off the top rope] brainbuster. Obviously limited by size. Set up with an Irish whip followed by either an avalanche or a running palm strike, then setting the opponent on the top rope and hitting a 'Venus' [leaping and spinning] palm strike.) Counter this with an Orange Crush Bomb and you win (see losses to TNT [ladder match, US Title] and Ejiro Fasaki [sWF Xmas PPV 2003, World Title]).

    - Logical Disconnect (Exploder '98 - A sheer-drop pumphandle exploder)

    - Backdrop driver (High-angle belly-to-back suplex)

    - Ego Buster (Sheer drop gutwrench suplex. For reference, see Fire Pro Wrestling Advance, 'Alevin's Lift'.)

    - Superior Stretch Beta (back-mounted dragon sleeper - still in Flesher's repertoire, but since Jenkins is using it, and since it's hard to apply, it's not at the top of his list.)



    - King Cobra hold (grounded cobra clutch/million dollar dream with bodyscissors, used in tribute to Mak Francis - often set up with a judo-style arm throw to put the opponent in front of Flesher on his BUTT)

    - Superior Stretch (Texas Cloverleaf)

    - Held Without Bail (Judge William Hearford’s Stretch Plum, which Tom used during his tenure in the M7 and face turn. He got accustomed to using it, and will now fall back on it when he needs to.)

  5. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

    The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents...
    Live, Wednesday, October 10th, from the University of Phoenix Stadium in Phoenix, Arizona!!
    (7pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings)
    (Send all promos/marked matches to chirs3)



    Johnny Dangerous © vs. Toxxic

    --> ‘What Goes Around, Comes Around’.

    Three years have gone around since Toxxic, the rookie phenom, leader of Revolution Zero and already a former World Champion challenged reigning World Champion Johnny Dangerous, just breaking out from tag team competition where he and Wildchild had become synonymous with great tag wrestling. On that occasion, Genesis V in the Rose Bowl, Toxxic pulled out the victory, got his revenge on the man who ended his first reign and walked away with the greatest prize in professional wrestling, the SWF World Title.

    Fast-forward three years. Toxxic is again the leader of a revamped Revolution Zero, is now a four-time former World Champion and as one of the most successful wrestlers in the federation’s history is once more challenging reigning World Champion Johnny Dangerous at Genesis. Johnny’s stamped his authority on tag wrestling even more, being one-half of the most prolific tag team champions of all time, but despite his two previous World Titles he has yet to solidify his position in the main event with a lengthy run with the belt. It all comes down to this. Either Johnny stops Toxxic, makes a stand against the rampant Rev-0, proves he belongs at the top of the card and gets revenge on the man who recently took his Tag Title, or Toxxic goes on to make history and become the first five-time SWF World Champion. Either way, the SWF will have a strong champion at the helm as it enters a new chapter of its storied history.

    But will that champion be English… or American?

    Rules: Standard singles.
    Send to: Ace309


    Landon Maddix © vs. Tom Flesher

    --> Tom Flesher’s contribution to the SWF cannot be underestimated. Two-time World Champion, twice in charge of programming, holder of more belts and awards than he can ever really know what to do with, and quite simply the best technical wrestler ever to set foot through the door. Add to that an ability to rile even the most tepid of crowds, a tendency to slap people around and, when all else fails, drop them on their heads while taking ludicrous amounts of punishment himself and you have the makings of one of the SWF’s true legends. Plus, he has Allison Onita hanging around.

    However, perhaps leadership does not suit Tom as well as might be imagined. Under his watch the SWF has lost its lucrative TV deal. From Genesis VIII onwards, Storm is no more and the SWF will find itself adrift, left to survive on live shows and Pay-Per-View… if we can get it. One man has stepped up and announced himself unhappy with Tom’s leadership and the Superior One has decided to put him in his place, with the office of Commissioner on the line. But this is Landon Maddix, the man who (as he happily tells the world) retired Tom at Genesis V; can Landon do it again and send Tom packing once more, or will Flesher put a stop to the rot of Genesis V, VI and VIII to stamp his authority on the company and show that he still has something to bring to the table?
    Rules: Standard singles.
    Send to: chirs3


    The Fabulous Jakey © vs. Wildchild

    --> With his partner gunning for the World Championship, the wilder half of Wild and Dangerous has decided to cash in his rematch for the Cruiserweight Championship against the Fabulous Jakey!
    Rules: Standard, with Cruiser addenda.
    Send to: realitycheck


    "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins © vs. Dace Night

    --> Oh, me.

    Back in the SJL, these two had some wars. Since those days Dace joined and then led the Unholy Trinity, won the SWF ICTV and Tag Titles, got dropped on his head by a giant Maori and came close to winning the World Title on a couple of occasions. Spike, meanwhile, joined Revolution Zero, became straight-edge and then the (at the time) longest-reigning Cruiserweight Champion of all time, as well as a couple of Tag Title runs and his own shots at the World Title. He’s had some notable rivalries with people like Toxxic and Zyon, and has undergone a couple of self-imposed makeovers as he sought to improve himself.

    Dace hasn’t been seen in the SWF since the beginning of 2005. Spike’s been coming and going for a while, without being able to get that much momentum behind him. His recent failure to capture the World Title from Alan Clark looked to be about it…

    …but you can never run from your roots. For their own reasons, reasons that we don’t know and quite frankly, don’t need to know, Dace 'Fucking' Night and ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins are back in the match that made their names. D@mnation In A Box is back, and this time it’s on the SWF’s biggest show of the year.

    Hold me.
    Rules: Spike and Dace know the rules. Everyone else just needs to know to stay the hell out of that cell.
    Send to: chirs3


    Chris Raynor vs. Austin Sly

    --> Revolution Zero doesn't like Chris Raynor, not even a little bit. Raynor, meanwhile, just wants to be part of the fed again. What happens when you take Raynor, whose heart and bad neck make for a nervous audience every week, and put him up against Sly just as he's hitting his stride?
    Send to: Ace309


    "The Dean of Wrestling" Jay Hawk vs. Jimmy the Doom

    Rules: Standard.
    Send to: realitycheck


    Fulminatus © vs. Luke-o vs. Michael Alexander

    --> Luke-o's impressive debut run continued last Storm, and now that Genesis is upon us, the time may be right to crown a new New Blood Champion - that is, if Fulminatus doesn't mind. And I'm pretty sure he will. And the third wheel of this match is one of the most impressive guys to come down the pike in a while - Michael Alexander, who lost his initial bid for the New Blood title to the current holder, Fulminatus!
    Send to: Ace309


    Leon Sharpe vs. Akira Kaibatsu vs. MANSON vs. Insane Luchador

    Rules: Elimination-style. Otherwise, none.
    Send to: chirs3


    Arch Griffon vs. Jesse James Sanders

    Rules: Standard.
    Send to: Sly


    I intentionally pushed the show back a week. I'm expecting big things from all of you, and I delayed things by taking too long to book the card, so I figured an extra few days would help get everyone back into contention.

    Good luck!

  6. “Welcome back to SWF Storm, where we’re about to see the last match before the greatest show in the history of this sport, Genesis VIII,” Mak Francis greets viewers, “and it promises to be a fascinating spectacle, that’s for sure - Toxxic, the Straight-Edge Sensation, the man who’s challenging for Johnny Dangerous’s World Heavyweight Title at Genesis is having a warm-up against ‘Big Bully’ Tracey Bruner, the bodyguard of Sir Marvellous!”


    “Mak, normally I’d have to say that Sir Marvellous’s character is beyond reproach,” the Suicide King comments, “but I do have my doubts about this tonight, given that he’s the agent of Johnny’s tag team partner!”


    “Well, I certainly remember Sir Marvellous not being that friendly to Johnny Dangerous,” Mak replies, “but it’ll be interesting to see what happens here tonight.”


    …and with that the beats of ‘Call The Ambulance’ by Busta Rhymes start to ring out around the JL Walkup Skydome. There are no special light effects or pyros, mainly because the behemoth appearing at the top of the entrance ramp needs absolutely nothing to appear more imposing than he already is.


    “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall,” Funyon booms, “introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Sir Marvellous; from Brooklyn, New York, he stands six feet ten inches tall and weighs in tonight at 455lbs… TRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA-CEYYYYYYYYYYYYY… BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUU-NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!”


    Bruner strides down the ramp, the lights reflecting off his shades as he ignores the fans crowded on either side of the guardrail, Sir Marvellous trailing along in the rear like a remora temporarily removed from its shark. The massive bodyguard thumps up the steps and simply swings one huge leg over the top rope to ease his passage into the ring.


    “King, every time I see Bruner it makes me almost glad I’m not wrestling anymore,” The Franchise says. “He’s not had that much training, he’s far from technically sound and if you can keep your head against him you can take him down… but against a man that size, a man who outweighs Janus by a hundred pounds, it’s got to be difficult to stay calm.”


    “Big men have a natural advantage,” King nods, “but they have natural disadvantages as well, and if anyone will know how to exploit those it’s Toxxic. That said, we could be about to see Englishman puree,” the Gambling Man adds.


    Bruner carefully removes his fedora and suit jacket, then passes them over the ropes to Sir Marvellous who receives them and moves to his man’s corner. Bruner follows, if a man that big can be said to only be occupying one part of the ring at once. Busta Rhymes starts to fade out… and then every light in the arena hits full, and the Smarktron whites out before a raucous, rolling chant explodes from the PA system.





    The oozing bassline of ‘The Gush’ by Raging Speedhorn follows immediately afterwards, and as it does so the Smarktron starts to fade down to black while jagged white letters flash up a familiar slogan, one word at a time:




    Three chords ring out; on the first we see Toxxic knocked from the top rope to the floor by a Nathaniel Kibagami springboard enzuigiri; on the second we see him taken off the top buckle with a Super Mark of the Beat by Gabriel Drake; on the third we see him chokeslammed out of the Clusterfuck by Janus. Then the shot changes to Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Stephens Shock Syndrome, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the moment the song kicks in and the-




    -stagewide explosion of red pyro that announces the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! And through the flame and smoke…




    …wearing his customised England soccer shirt and his red-and-black canvas trenchcoat…




    …Tag Title strapped around his waist, Stables Title belt in his right hand…




    …come the Number One Contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Title.


    “And his opponent,” Funyon booms, “from Nottingham, England and representing SWF Stable Champions Revolution Zero; he weighs in tonight at 218lbs and is one-half of the of the SWF Tag Team Champions, this is the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’, TOXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!”




    Toxxic rolls in under the bottom rope, hands his two title belts to referee Ronald ‘Red’ Herrington and then strips off his coat and shirt before casually dropping them over the rope to the floor.


    “Toxxic’s going to Genesis with the opportunity to become the first-ever five-time SWF World Champion,” Mak Francis says, “I might wish it was someone more purely talented like Tom Flesher, or Danny Williams who actually has four reigns already-”


    “Blink and you’ll miss them,” Suicide King mutters.


    “-but like it or not, and a lot of people don’t, it is Toxxic who has that chance,” the Franchise finishes.


    Referee Herrington checks both men are ready - Toxxic flashes him a cocky grin, Bruner just nods slightly - then calls for the bell:




    “-and we’re underway!” Mak says, as the two men start forward. Toxxic reaches the middle of the ring and, with a smirk on his face, reaches one hand upwards in an unmistakeable gesture for a test of strength.


    Needless to say, this is the cause of some consternation for his opponent, the crowd and the commentators.


    “OK, he’s lost it,” King says in total bewilderment, “what’s he playing at?”


    Tracey Bruner’s eyes are hidden behind his dark glasses, but the big man seems confused. He looks around at Sir Marvellous, who shrugs and gestures for him to get on with it, then back at Toxxic. The Englishman stands there with his feet planted and one hand reaching upwards so Bruner steps forward and reaches out…


    …and Toxxic snatches his hand back, then stamps on Bruner’s left foot.




    Then delivers a basement dropkick to the big man’s right knee! Bruner wobbles, caught off-balance, and Toxxic pops back up to his feet before doing the same thing again. The bodyguard’s support is knocked from under him and he drops to one knee; Toxxic is instantly back on his feet and surges forward to grab Bruner’s head in both hands and deliver a headbutt to his opponent!




    And another!




    And another!




    Bruner, taken off-guard by this early assault, simply lashes out with one arm with the purpose of pushing Toxxic away from him; however, this is Big Bully Bruner pushing away a man who weighs less than half what he does, and the result sees Toxxic rolling back across the ring while Bruner tries to orientate himself.


    “Toxxic’s got the right idea, but Bruner is huge!” Mak calls, “you’re going to have to do more than that to knock him down!”


    That’s fine by Toxxic.




    The running front dropkick catches Bruner flush in the face and sends the big man sprawling backwards to the mat while Sir Marvellous looks on aghast from the outside.


    “That alright for you Mak?” King laughs as Toxxic scrambles back to his feet, “I don’t care how big you are, if you’re on one knee then being hit that hard in the face will take you down!”


    Toxxic has no interest in hanging around and letting Bruner get his breath back; instead he heads straight for the nearest turnbuckles and vaults straight to the top, then leaps off and comes down to drive his fist into his opponent’s face!


    “I’m amazed he didn’t just break his hand,” King comments as Toxxic shakes his fist out. However, the Englishman seems to think he’s onto something here and heads back to the same corner, then springs back up to the top rope for a second time. He comes off again, and once more succeeds in driving his fist into the face of the prone Tracey Bruner, much to Sir Marvellous’s consternation. Toxxic pops back up to his feet, raises his fist…


    ‘One more?’




    Some fans boo but the majority seem to be quite behind the Englishman in his delivery of a surprise ass-kicking to the hulking Bruner, and Toxxic heads back to the top rope with his lopsided grin plastered over his face. He makes sure to kiss his fist this time, then jumps (perhaps a little higher than before) and comes down with another fistdrop right in Bruner’s face! The big man rolls away clutching his face, but Toxxic reaches down and grabs his opponent’s shades, then rips them off, lanyard and all!


    “Uh-oh, that’s-” Mak begins.


    Toxxic drops the shades to the mat and stamps on them until they shatter.




    “…that’s possibly not a good idea,” Francis finishes.


    “What, you can hit a guy in the face and it’s fine, but break his shades and your DEAD~!?” King laughs. “Come on, what would you really do if I broke your shades, Francis?”


    “My shades cost more than your suit, King.”


    The cocky Englishman turns back to his opponent to find Brunder starting to get up to his knees; Toxxic raises one boot and seeks to bring it down on his opponent’s head, but Bruner catches the foot in two massive hands then simply shoves, sending the straight-edger toppling backwards! Toxxic rolls back up to his feet and charges, but this time Bruner is ready for him and hoists the startled Englishman up off the man, then dumps him down with tremendous force in a bearhug spinebuster!




    “Good God, I think he was trying to throw him through the ring!” Mak shouts, “and what’s scarier, he nearly succeeded!”


    However, the big man has proved to not be invulnerable; Bruner staggers after delivering the move, clearly slightly wobbly after all those quickfire shots to the head. He also looks around for his sunglasses, but when Sir Marvellous points to the crushed plastic on the canvas the bodyguard rounds on Toxxic with malice aforethought. He reaches down and hoists Toxxic off the mat easily, then grabs his opponent’s arm and delivers a thunderous Irish whip to the corner. Toxxic hits hard and gasps for breath, but Bruner is following him in at high speed…




    …but not high enough, as Toxxic dodges to one side and Bruner’s avalanche catches nothing! Toxxic sucks some air into his lungs, then jumps to the second rope and springboards up, twisting through the air to land astride Bruner’s shoulders and snap backwards with a hurricanrana attempt. Under normal circumstances this might not succeed, but under normal circumstances Bruner wouldn’t have the ring ropes preventing him from correcting forward momentum, and with almost agonising slowness the big man topples forward off-balance and goes over the top to the outside as Toxxic hangs onto the middle rope to prevent him crashing down as well!




    “Whoah!” Mak shouts as Bruner falls to the arena floor, “Toxxic just took Tracey Bruner out of the ring!”


    “I saw it, but I don’t believe it Francis!” King fires back. “Still, didn’t I tell you that if anyone could take this guy down it’d be Toxxic?”


    Toxxic rolls back into the ring from the apron, then scrambles back to his feet. A quick look over his shoulder shows that Bruner is also starting to rise - it’s not such a big fall if you’re nearly seven foot, although the landing is rather harder when you’re that heavy - so the straight-edger takes off at a run towards the far ropes. He rebounds off and accelerates across the ring, the crowd starting to rise to their feet in anticipation, then takes off and leaps clean over the top rope to the outside with a somersault senton!



    Unfortunately Tracey Bruner catches him upside-down in mid-air, then simply swings him into the steel guardrail.




    “HO-LY SHIT!”

    “HO-LY SHIT!”

    “HO-LY SHIT!”


    “Damn right Holy Shit!” Mak shouts, “I’ve never seen anyone catch Toxxic in mid-air before!”


    “He didn’t just catch him, he just broke him in half!” King shouts back. “That could have put paid to our Genesis main event, right there!”


    Herrington is going mad in the ring and demanding that Bruner bring Toxxic back inside, then starts his ring-out count. For his part Tracey Bruner is jawing with some fans behind the guardrail he just threw Toxxic into, but at a little urging from Sir Marvellous he drags the battered Englishman upright and then throws him into the ring under the bottom rope. Herrington steps back as a straight-edger rolls towards him, then is followed by the considerably larger figure of Bruner. Tracey applies his considerable weight to a lateral press and Herrington dives to count…


















    …but Toxxic kicks out!


    “I’m amazed, to tell the truth,” Mak admits, “I thought Tracey Bruner had ended the match, but Toxxic’s still in this!”


    He is, although not for long if Bruner has any say in the matter. The huge man peels Toxxic off the mat and hoists him up to his feet, then simply delivers a sledgehammer-like blow with his right fist that drops the straight-edger again. He puts Toxxic in a sitting position and grabs his opponent’s head with two huge bands before placing his weight over the Englishman and twisting his neck with all his considerable might.


    “A neck vice might be a simple weardown hold in the hands of any other man…” Mak begins.


    “Uh-oh,” King mutters, looking at the entrance ramp, “here comes trouble.”


    Sure enough, a faint stirring in the crowd heralds the arrival of a busty, possibly-slight-overweight goth-punk chick with a can of lager in one hand; yes, Amy Stephens is in the building. Sir Marvellous looks around and then back up at Herrington, demanding to know what she’s doing here; Amy takes immediate offence at this and gets in the former road agent’s face while Herrington scurries over to try and restore order. Tracey Bruner looks over to see what the commotion is, then simply hurls Toxxic to the canvas by his head. The Englishman grabs his skull in pain and Bruner twirls Herrington around with one massive hand, then drops to make a cover…


















    …but Toxxic kicks out again! Bruner snorts in annoyance and drags Toxxic up by his head again, then grabs the Englishman’s wrist and delivers a massive short-arm lariat that nearly turns Toxxic inside out. Once more Bruner drops to make the cover, and once more Herrington starts counting…



















    -but Toxxic kicks out one more time!


    “King, obvious statement as it may seem now, I think Toxxic made his mistake with the dive to the outside,” Mak remarks. “He had been doing OK, but the urge to press his advantage must have been too strong; he just took too big a risk.”


    “Mak, I won’t believe Toxxic is beaten until I see Herrington make the one-two-three,” the Gambling Man replies, “but I’ve got to admit, this is looking like Bruner’s show now.”


    Tracey Bruner has brought Toxxic up again, and this time hoists the (much) smaller man up into the air with a military press! Amy Stephens has broken off her arguments with Sir Marvellous to watch events in the ring, and she sees her brother hoisted into the air once, twice, thrice…


    …and Toxxic slips out of his opponent’s grip and manages to land on his feet behind Bruner, then launches a basement dropkick into the back of the behemoth’s knee! Bruner starts to topple, throws out his hands to try and keep his balance and lands awkwardly, twisted to one side with his weight braced on both arms. This allows Toxxic to jump up and simply stamp down with both feet on the back of his opponent’s head, slamming Bruner’s face into the mat!




    Toxxic staggers away to try and recover from the battering he’s taken and winds up leaning on the ropes, breathing hard. Meanwhile Sir Marvellous starts pounding the apron and yelling for his bodyguard to get up, while Amy Stephens gives him an evil glare. However, unfortunately for Amy’s brother, Tracey Bruner is indeed getting up; the big man was dazed by having his face mashed into the canvas but he’s starting to rise again. He places his weight on one big leg and starts to straighten…


    …and Toxxic hits his knee with another basement dropkick! Bruners staggers and drops back down to one knee-




    -and Toxxic nails his now more conveniently-sized opponent with the kip-up enzuigiri! Bruner wobbles; Toxxic shoves into him and knocks him down to the mat, then makes his first cover of the match…


















    …but Bruner kicks out with authority, managing to send Toxxic flying a couple of feet! Toxxic isn’t eager to let this advantage go begging however, and he piles back in as Bruner once more starts to rise, this time delivering a couple of European uppercuts to the big man. Bruner is rocked, but he fights back by wrapping both arms around his opponent to secure a massive bear hug; Toxxic gasps in pain, then slams the heels of his hands into Bruner’s ears before grabbing his opponent’s head and slamming a headbutt into his face!




    Bruner’s grip slackens and Toxxic wriggles free, then backs off towards the nearest turnbuckles. Tracey Bruner shakes his head to clear some of the cobwebs and starts to force himself back to his feet, but Toxxic boosts himself up to the second buckle before measuring his opponent and then coming off with a flying European uppercut that actually knocks Bruner off his feet again!




    “He knocked him down! He took him straight down!” Mak shouts, “I think all those shots to the head must be dizzying Tracey Bruner, because that guy’s just too big to knock down normally!”


    Toxxic gets back up and stumbles to a different corner of the ring, clearly suffering from the brutal beating that Bruner has delivered but just as clearly determined to make the most of this opportunity. He makes it to the top rope, raises both arms above his head and somersaults off to land the Hangover across his opponent’s throat!




    “Toxxic needs to make a cover!” King shouts, “he might get something here!”


    But the Straight-Edge Sensation is back to his feet again and heading for the apron this time, even as Bruner clutches at his neck. Toxxic steps out onto the apron, takes a few deep breaths, then takes hold of the top rope and jumps up…


    …jumps sideways to the top buckle, spinning as he does so to face out of the ring…


    …then backflips off with the Radford Calling moonsault!




    …that only finds knees.




    Almost unbelievably, a pro-Bruner chant has started up at ringside. Sir Marvellous looks around in surprise and approval, but a big man wrecking people’s shit has always been popular (ask Thugg), and when the person whose shit is being wrecked is Toxxic… well, it’s surprising it took so long.


    “Toxxic took too long and took one too many risks; Now Tracey Bruner needs to capitalise,” Mak Francis states, “he’s got the power to do it, but how much capability?”


    “He was certainly wobbly,” King notes, “and he’s kind of like a short-round boxer - so much strength, but has he got the conditioning if he can’t put his opponent away quick?”


    Bruner grabs Toxxic and drags him upright, then wraps his arms around him and whirls the straight-edger off his feet to drive him down with a belly-to-belly suplex.




    Toxxic hits hard, but Bruner is breathing heavily and sweat is not only beading on his brow but also making large damp patches on his shirt. The big man wipes his brow and takes a few seconds to compose himself as Sir Marvellous shouts encouragement and Amy shouts abuse. After a few deep breaths Bruner clearly feels able to continue and he stands up, hauls his opponent up and whips him into the ropes. Toxxic isn’t able to pull any clever deception on the rebound and Bruner hoists him up over his head into a military press, but perhaps learns his lesson from last time and just presses Toxxic once before throwing him into the air and taking a step forward to let the Englishman plummet to the canvas with a bang! Bruner bends over and takes a couple more long, deep breaths, then lumbers for the ropes, bounces off and returns at (reasonable) speed before leaping into the air for a big splash…


    …and Toxxic rolls away at the last moment! Bruner hits the canvas and knocks all the air out of himself without any gain and Toxxic keeps on rolling, then staggers up to his feet and lunges to the ropes to support himself.


    “Bruner took too long that time,” Mak notes, “this match is having an effect on both men, that’s for sure.”


    Tracey Bruner starts to get up, although not without considerable effort. He glances around and sees Toxxic clinging onto the top cable, apparently for dear life, and surges forwards and upwards. He can still move at a fair speed over short distances, with some decent acceleration…


    …but not enough to triumph over Toxxic’s sense of self-preservation, as the battered straight-edger sees his opponent and drops at the last moment, pulling the top rope down with him and turning Bruner’s lariat attempt into another tumble to the outside!








    A rival chant has now started up, possibly made up of those people who like to see bullies get their comeuppance; regardless, as Sir Marvellous rushes to his bodyguard’s aid before backing away in case Bruner tries to use him as an aid for standing up again, Toxxic turns and runs for the far ropes as fast as he can. He accelerates back as Bruner manages to get back to a vertical base, the big man sees him coming and this time ducks and covers…


    …and Toxxic screeches to a halt, then turns and starts running again! Bruner looks up, down and around in an effort to find out where his opponent has landed, but he looks back at the ring too late to avoid Toxxic as the Englishman finally nails his running somersault senton and comes crashing into him!


    “Third time lucky for Toxxic!” Mak calls as Bruner, unprepared this time and rather less stable, gets knocked to the arena floor beneath his 218lb opponent. “He’s pulling out all the stop tonight, but to be fair, I think he may need to!”


    Toxxic had a reasonably soft landing and rises back up to his feet, takes the chance to flip a rather offensive V-sign at Sir Marvellous…




    …then turns and starts simply pasting Tracey Bruner with stomps!


    “He’s lost it!” King shouts as the Straight-Edge Sensation hammers stomp after stomp down on his opponent’s ribcage and the crowd starts reacting to it, “Toxxic’s going to get himself counted out!”


    Bruner reaches up and grabs at Toxxic’s foot, grasping it to his chest to try and prevent the punishment he’s taking; Toxxic reacts by simply standing up on Bruner’s chest, then stamping down on his face with the other foot!






    ‘SIX!’ Red Herrington bellows, his previous counts having gone unheard by either competitor. Toxxic turns and looks at him, then back at Bruner, now clutching his face with both hands.




    Toxxic fires one last stomp into Bruner’s midsection, then heads towards the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope. Bruner immediately starts struggling up…




    …gets back to his feet, wobbles…




    …staggers towards the ring…


    …and rolls in under the bottom rope just before Herrington counts him out!


    “King, Bruner is tougher than nails!” Mak exclaims.


    He might be, but Toxxic’s piling back into him with stomps immediately. Herrington forces some separation, and as soon as the barrage has ceased Bruner starts getting up again! Toxxic snorts, turns and runs for the ropes to build momentum-




    -and Sir Marvellous hooks his leg with his cane, bringing him crashing to the mat!




    Herrington looks around; Marvellous protests his innocence; Toxxic starts to scramble up; Amy Stephens comes out of leftfield with a Polish Hammer that levels Sir Marvellous; Herrington shouts; Toxxic turns to look over his shoulder and see what happened to him, and what the fuss is about now…




    …and Tracey Bruner levels him with a massive lariat that he threw all his weight into!


    “That’s it!” King shouts as Herrington whirls round again, “it’s over! Bruner’s beaten Toxxic!”



















    -but Toxxic kicks out!




    The fans seem to admire fighting spirit, and possibly have some resentment against Marvellous’s cheating. Regardless, the kickout gets a good response and Bruner just rolls away to start sucking in air again instead of following up.


    “Tracey Bruner is definitely feeling the burn,” Mak notes.


    Finally, after a good ten seconds, Bruner grabs Toxxic and pulls him up. He clamps one hand around the Englishman’s neck and signals for the chokeslam, but Toxxic kicks him in the knee he’s been targeting all match and Bruner staggers, then a second kick pains the big man so much he breaks his grip. Toxxic turns and runs and rebounds off the ropes; Bruner raises his foot for a big (very big) boot…


    …but Toxxic hits the deck and slides, slicing into the bodyguard’s other shin with a soccer tackle! He rolls away as Bruner falls, landing in a very uncomfortable position closely akin to the splits!




    “Bruner’s singing soprano for the next few days!” King shouts.


    Bruner tries to get his legs under him and manages to get into a kneeling position, but Toxxic has struggled up and circles around in front of his opponent to grab a front facelock, then swing his other arm around and down to nail his elbow-drive bulldog!




    “UNFINISHED BUSINESS!” Mak yells, but it takes Toxxic a couple of precious seconds to lever Bruner over onto his back…



















    -but the big man kicks out! Toxxic slams his hands on the mat in frustration and vents at Herrington, who maintains that his count was accurate so Toxxic gets up and, delivering one more stomp for luck, heads for the turnbuckles one more time.


    “The last time Toxxic tried to go to the top rope it cost him,” Mak remarks, “I hope he knows what he’s doing.”


    “He’s taking the risks he thinks he needs to take to win a match against a man who could football tackle a Winnebago,” King shoots back.


    The Straight-Edge Sensation reaches steps out to the apron, raises his hands above his head and twirls his fingers… backwards.


    “He’s calling for the Inglorious!” Francis shouts as Toxxic starts to climb, “is Toxxic even in condition to pull off a shooting star legdrop!?”


    We will never know, because as Toxxic starts to climb Tracey Bruner rises to his feet with the inevitability of a movie monster coming back from the dead and lumbers towards that corner of the ring. Toxxic tries to climb fast, tries to get into a position where he can launch some sort of diving attack at the oncoming behemoth, but in his battered condition all he can manage is to get in just the right position for Bruner to reach up…


    …and goozle him.


    The big man looks out, and points to the arena floor.




    “OH YOU ARE SHITTING ME!” Mak yells, “the bodyguard of Wildchild’s agent is going to chokeslam Toxxic to the floor - the same thing Toxxic did to Wildchild earlier this year to retain the Tag Titles against Wild & Dangerous!”


    Bruner heaves, but Toxxic has no wish to take the ride and holds onto the top rope with both hands and all the strength he can muster. Bruner goes for it again, Toxxic holds on, Bruner relaxes a second in preparation for another attempt…


    …and Toxxic lashes out with a boot at his face.


    The first blow catches Tracey in the forehead. The second glances off the big man’s cheekbone, but the third smashes directly into his nose. Bruner staggers back clutching at his face, the damage from the evening adding up to a cocktail of pain, and Toxxic sees his chance. It’s time to throw the dice.


    He stands upright on the top buckle, jumps into the air and turns 180 degrees as he does so to land on the top buckle again for a moment, facing out at the crowd before backflipping off. However, this time he isn’t looking for a moonsault, because his opponent is still on his feet.


    This time he sails over Bruner’s head, reaches down and hooks the big man’s neck to pull him backwards and down. It’s not crisp, and it’s not pretty.




    But it does drive the back of Tracey Bruner’s skull directly into the mat.


    “SUNNY IN ENGLAND!” Mak and King yell at the same time. Bruner is already on his back and Toxxic scrambles to cover…






















    “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,” Funyon booms over the rather mixed response, “the winner of the match; the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’, TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!”


    “He did it!” Mak yells, “Toxxic beat Bruner, and avoided embarrassment just before the biggest match of the year!”


    “Francis, I’m telling you that Johnny Dangerous’s time as champion is over!” King declares, “come Genesis it’s five-times Toxxic, baby!”


    Raging Speedhorn rolls out around the arena as Toxxic gratefully receives his two title belts back from Red Herrington. Amazingly, behind him Tracey Bruner is starting to stir. He couldn’t keep him down for long, but it turns out he could keep him down for just long enough.


    One belt in each hand, Toxxic leans on the ropes and thinks about Genesis, about Johnny Dangerous, and about the chance of becoming the first five-time World Champion in SWF history.


    Prepare, as they say, to be proved wrong.