Anorak

I hope not.

Fucking Dickov

Yeah, sky sports news really have wet themselves over this.

We had a new look team out yesterday and should have won by more by all accounts. Howard and Hume can be the big man/little man combo up front and for the first time in 3-4 years we have a proper midfield with REAL PROPER WINGERS in the Hungarian pair we've got on loan. Add Oakley in the middle and it looks promising. Couple of tough games coming up against Norwich and Palace but feeling more optimistic.

One year my high school suddenly decided it would be a great idea to have a soccer tournament involving every class in our year. I wasn't actually worried at first, I foolishly assumed our class of fatties and nerds would be spared this humiliation but the powers at be were having none of it. Every other class managed to quite easily field a full 11 players (including disappointed subs) and we had to turn up with seven. After getting completely hammered the first two games we managed a turnout of just 4 (including myself) for our final game and still they made us play, on a full-size pitch no less. To make things a little fairer (or just more farcical) the other class split their side into 5 and 6 for each half. We managed a famous 2-2 draw . The 'special' class, the class with the most PE sicknotes, that didn't have a single person compete at the year end sportsday, that didn't score a point in the class basketball tournament, that owned so many damn inhalers had finally had it's glorious moment in the sun. Corny as fuck it might sound but I was genuinely proud when the final whistle went because i suppose in a funny way it wasn't a mundane achievement, at least not for the 4 of us. None of us had probably ever felt that heady rush of self-esteem flooding our veins as a result of sporting pride and as we looked over to our cheering group of lazy classmates on the sidelines, who were pissing themselves laughing at us not losing, it felt brilliant. Needless to say the other class were a laughing stock for not beating us and further humilation was to follow. One little gobshite on their team spat on my best friend as he walked off the pitch. My friend was twice as big as this lad, but nobody in my class had even had a fight, much less won one, so he wouldn't have expected to be picked up in a powerbomb and dropped head first onto the concrete! Perfect post-match entertainment to a perfect game.

God, i hope we don't go for him. It'd be more boring than having Megson. Peter Taylor will always be our most despised ex-manager. What a complete fuck up that was, taking on the premiership with Akinbiyi, Benjamin, Junior Lewis etc. oh well, here's to yet another exiting manager search!

Yo La Tengo - Tears Are In Your Eyes The Dwarves - Demonica Joe Henry - Spent It All They Might Be Giants - She's An Angel The Boo Radleys - (I Wanna Be) Touchdown Jesus

I like Runaway Train.

No love for No Control? Nice to see Recipe for Hate in your list anyway, a slightly underrated album.

Poor old Martin Allen didn't last long then. Who's brave or stupid enough to want to work for Milan now? "Don't even think about it"

Fighting outside the ground apparently. Idiots. I heard Clarke's heart stopped and the paramedics managed to revive him. Fingers crossed he pulls through ok.

Not even worthy of a single mention yet on Sky Sports News. What a useless bunch of twats.

We spanked Watford 4-1 and even De Vries scored! Awful news about the QPR lad. He was supposed to be quite useful, remember him scoring in the championship last season.

We can't defend a lead away from home, not even for less than 5 minutes.

Ferguson's still coming out with the same old shit in his press confrences after all these years. Ronaldo wasn't 'protected' enough against Pompey apparently and his sending off was understandable due to frustration. Nothing to do with the fact things weren't going his or United's way of course. Forest away in the cup. Could be interesting.

I really don't feel there's going to be much change in the premier league this season. Man Utd will win the league again, Liverpool won't, Arsenal will still finish above Spurs etc etc. A top half finish for Leicester would be nice as well, at least a season without worrying about relegation. It's not worth making too many predictions as far as the championship is concerned.

Dead Kennedys - Kill The Poor

I think anyone would agree that's a stupid valuation but with the season just a few days away and the money they made selling Bale & Baird they probably felt they were in a position to reject. I suspect this is closer to the truth than Southampton's offical line that the bid 'undervalued' him!

We were linked but i'm glad he went elsewhere. Sure, he could end up scoring for fun but the rebuliding job were doing might not be best suited to the addition of a famous name on an especially fat contract.

Robyn Hitchcock - The Bones in the Ground

This is quite old so apologies if you've seen before. Still funny though.

I'd assume that most teams have had some good Scottish players over the years (we had Gary McAllister from Motherwell) but we weren't the first team to suffer at the hands of a crap Scottish manager giving inflated contracts to mediocre/crap SPL players. Anti Niemi? We got bloody Rab Douglas. See where i'm coming from? There's a lot of garbage up north and if you get a Jock manager like Craig Levein who A) Has little/no experience of English League football and B) Has his Jock blinkers on when assessing players there is always going to be a chance of it going spectacularly wrong. Bloody miracle were still in this division after the last 3 seasons.

Not sure i can remember all of our signings off the top of my head but here goes the shorthand (but still tedious) rundown of all 11 of them. Carl Cort - I'm sure you all know him. Jimmy Nielson - Danish goalie. Blew a million quid on gambling apparently. James Chambers - The Watford full-back Bruno N'Gotty - From Paris to Milan to...Leicester Shawn Newton - Played a few games on loan last season. A veteran of this division. Ricky Sappleton - 17 year old striker. Supposedly left QPR because of 'differences' and got rejected at Liverpool because of his pushy agent/agents/hangers on etc. Don't know how true any of this is. Sergio Hellings - Dutch midfielder. The fact he's a former Ajax/Holland youth player who Anderlecht paid 1.5 million for 2 years ago sounds promising. The fact he was playing for an amateur team last season? Not quite as much. Hoessein Kaebi - 21 year old Iranian international full-back/wing-back. Has about 50 caps already and is mega fast apparently. He's also absolutely tiny. Radostin Kishshishev - Hopefully he'll have more luck than he did with Charlton and Leeds last season. Stephen Clemence - Actually paid a fee for this one. Won Birmingham's player of the season award last season and his 'reward' is coming to us after Steve Bruce buys a whole new central midfield. Jonathan Hayes - Young Irish lad from Reading who Martin Allen took on loan to MK Dons last season. We still can't get rid of Maybury, Hughes, Hammond, Douglas, De Vries and Kenton. Be careful what you buy from Scotland. We sold Paddy McCarthy to Charlton for 650k and there's rumours Fryatt could be off as well. We get to wear our knockoff Portsmouth kit against Pompey themselves i na couple of weeks. Before that i'm off to London to see Arsenal, Valencia, Inter and PSG at the Emirates Tourny.

Joe Henry - Shuffletown Silver Jews - Starlite Walker Dwarves - The Dwarves Are Young And Good Looking Wagon - Anniversary

Archers Of Loaf - Freezing Point