PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH!

How can you hate Lamar Odom?

The Pistons are actually starting to look like the Pistons again. Weird. Hopefully Iverson coming back doesn't totally fuck up what they've got going right now.

Oh I didn't mean it like that. I know he's got a basically spotless record. I just reflexively associate him with that team and for some reason it didn't feel right to just put "Jackson/Artest Pacers."

My favorite part about this is that I'm pretty sure that the NBA has a lower arrest rate than the NFL and maybe MLB. Ever since they broke up the Jailblazers and the JO/Artest/SJax Pacers the whole league has really been on its best behavior. I mean, look at this current generation of players: guys like Durant and Roy and Oden and Paul and Howard are veritable choirboys. The handful of guys who could really truly be classified as "thugs" (JR Rider, Qyntel Woods, Ruben Patterson, etc) are all out of the league and have been for a while.

Have you ever actually like flipped back and forth between a NCAA game and an NBA game? The contrast is astounding. I honestly can't even begin to fathom preferring the college game.

These people are usually racists.

What actual books did you read? I read Things Fall Apart, two books about chinks, and House of the Spirits. I enjoyed it, but felt as if HotS could have been boiled down to the story of the two brothers and how they fared during the revolution (even though this ended up being a tiny number of chapters, including the cilmax), the rest was just like watching a family slide show. The car decapitation in the first chapter was a nice surprise though. House of the Spirits kinda sucks. It's really weird that they'd make you read that instead of 100 Years of Solitude, which is both more well-known and a much (much) better book. Whether or not Freud is "useless psychology" has absolutely no bearing on whether or not his work is useful for literary analysis. And surprise, surprise, it wasn't. The Freudian look at Hamlet was essentially recanting everything that had already been discussed for the last 200 years, but under the viel of Freud's Electra and Oedipus complexes. "So, maybe Hamlet HAS A SEXY THING WITH THE MOM~! Freud!" I'll concede that straight-up, literal Freudian analysis (eg reading everything through the lens of the Oedipus Complex or w/e) is pretty played out these days. That said, the broader conceptual framework that undergirds Freudian theory was hugely influential in the development of modern critical theory, as it laid the groundwork for a full-scale critique of rational subjectivity and in the process opened the door for literary analysis that moved beyond simple formalism or intentionalism. The idea that words can mean more than we intend them to is basically the cornerstone of all contemporary literary analysis. So, yeah, Freud's actually pretty far from "useless."

I think White Teeth would work fairly well. It's "multiculturalist," but not in a way that's so heavy-handed as to be totally off-putting. It's also a lot of fun.

Gin & tonics (Beefeater; prob. ~6 shots in all) at home and then Miller Lite and Kamikaze shots at the bar. It's not like I was drinking super premium vodka or anything like that, which is what made the lack of (physical) hangover so weird.

Also, was I the only person here who had the pleasure of reading Ayn Rand in high school? We had to read Anthem in 11th grade. Terrible, terrible book. In fact, thinking back on it, the whole reading list for that class was pretty bad: The House on Mango Street, The Lord of the Flies, Anthem, Brave New World and some stupid fucking Neil Simon plays. What dumb class.

How did this happen?

What actual books did you read? Whether or not Freud is "useless psychology" has absolutely no bearing on whether or not his work is useful for literary analysis.

Hawthorne's short stories are fantastic. I've never read The Scarlett Letter, but I thought The House of Seven Gables was kind of boring and nowhere near as good as his short fiction. Maybe the dude just wasn't a very good novelist? As for high school reading, my faves were The Great Gatsby (I think I was the only person in my whole class who actually appreciated it) and The Remains of the Day. My school's English curriculum was skewed pretty heavily toward modern and American literature, so I mostly avoided Dickens/Wharton/Austen/et al. I'm sort of thankful for that, really. I'm sure that if I was forced to read Jane Austen back in 10th grade I would have absolutely hated it and probably would have been put off from ever revisiting her work, which would have been a shame because her stuff's actually really great.

I got totally hammered last night and woke up this morning without a single traditional hangover symptom. No headache, no nausea, no dehydration. Instead I've just felt vaguely depressed all day and have had zero motivation to do anything, despite feeling a-ok physically. This sucks. I'd prefer puking my guts out.

This sentence is a mess.

I'm more excited for Crime Pays than I have been for an album in I don't know how long. I just hope that it actually comes out on May 5 like it's supposed to.

Notables include: Lawrence Welk, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Donaldson, Antonin Scalia, Joey Buttafuoco, Nina Hartley, Jesse Jackson Jr, Lisa Loeb, Johnny Knoxville, Paul Wall, and Thora Birch.

It's a jungle down there. Nothing in its place. Nothing on the left side like anything on the right side. How many extras are there? Nobody knows. Too many to count. There are glands down there. There's another hole. There are flaps. You know what size it is? Let's see what kind of guesser you are. It's small. I'm guessing it's a size four. In a ladies' size that's as small as cunts come. Anything smaller is a child's. Let's see how you'll fit into a teeny size four. Let's see if a size four doesn't provide just the nicest, warmest, snuggest fuck you've ever dreamed of fucking. You love good leather, you love fine gloves--stick it in. But slowly, slowly. Always the first time stick it in slowly. Shut your eyes and step right up and smell it. Step right up and take a whiff. The swamp. It sucks you in. Smell it. You know what a glove smells like. It smells like the inside of a new car. Well this is what life smells like. Smell the inside of a brand-new pussy.

So would I

Too bad the song itself is so terrible. Even fake lesbians deserve a better anthem than that.

I'm genuinely shocked that bob barron hasn't posted in this thread yet.

This one should give you plenty to work with

Asians